#but it's ok bc it triggers the avoidant in me and i stop talking to both of them! /s

[ame-to-ame]

A lot has been going through my head recently so I'm thankful that at least I can draw to let it out somewhat u.u

A little bit of a ramble and vent up ahead!

I guess a lot of it has to do with my health, unfortunately I can't really talk about anything going on in my life without doing a little disclaimer about my health. But I saw a TikTok recently about how you don't realize how easily you can get abandoned until you're disabled.

I knew that I had something wrong with my body and I knew I was suffering with something for a while, I went to the doctors I took medication I would feel physically unwell time and time but I never termed my illness as a disability until recently when applying for a job I saw it covered underneath the list of disabilities. And I guess that's when the dots connected and the wheels started turning. Because I guess I'm not weak for feeling so tired and feeling like everything is so hard when other people seem to be able to do it fine. My body requires a different treatment than the norm, that's all.

But being different from the norm makes you easily forgotten by society. Just like how society forgets to accommodate for people with disabilities. You look towards others to see how you should act in this world only to realize it doesn't quite apply to you. So you can really only try to look inwards and hold onto your thoughts and ideas and hope you're doing it right at your own pace for your own life, hoping to run into people like you on the way for guidance.

Fear of abandonment ties into the overall concept and feeling of loneliness. And I'm sure there's enough critique existing already about how our current structure of society cultivates loneliness and doesn't foster strong meaningful connections outside of the nuclear family model. I'm sure I could go down a rabbit hole of criticizing suburbia or the exploitativeness of capitalism and how it prevents community. But from a very very personal standpoint. I've always been scared ever since I realized I was on the aroace spec. Because the default assumption is that as people grow older friends will drift apart to see each other less frequently, and the only people you're in constant contact with will be your family and your partner. And it always has been looming in the back of my mind, but it's becoming more realized now and it's. Well. Scary. I have friends I want to see often. I have people I want to talk to almost everyday. People I text all the time even if I see them once every 3 months. To not just fear but know, anticipate, that I will eventually come after someone new who will enter their life and take a more important role makes me feel some certain way in my chest that does not feel good. Why can't I take that role? Why can't I stick around if I don't provide that romantic or familial asset? I don't know. But it's not the norm to do it, so I don't ask.

Recently I've been having bouts of jealousy, or at least that's what I termed it at first, whenever one of my friends would make a comment that they were stealing one of my other friends away from me. I'd say it makes me feel jealous when they tell me stuff like that, and they'd tell me it's my fault I don't have the time to do xyz for the other person. Maybe the source of feeling upset for me was that they were taunting me knowing this other person was important to me, and making it into a competition where they're showing me how they're a better friend to them by doing xyz. But maybe deep inside under all the ugly feelings I feel when they keep doing it to my face is jealousy. Because one of the thoughts that comes up to me is. You have a partner. Please don't try to take a friend from me when you already have a partner and other friends.

And obviously with that comes a lot of shame for feeling that way and one of those thoughts being how I'm not allowed to feel this sort of jealousy towards someone who's just a normal friend. A close friend perhaps, but you're still not allowed to feel jealous towards a friend according to societal norms. Because usually people will say maybe she's more than just a friend to you.

And I know allo people still find friends important. But I know that for most of my life I've known and felt friendship to fall into the background to make room for romantic relationships. Sometimes I just wonder if the only way to stay in someone's life consistently at the frequency I need is to be romantically involved. There are ideals in life and I know that between any sort of relationship communication is the foundation but grr. I just think it's probably easier if you're the default that society assumes.

Anyway. Anyway. Being left behind and forgotten by society! Ik I'm venting abt it but on the other hand it's sometimes a little freeing to know that in being unable to conform, the path I tread will be something I have chosen for myself. I love my friends and they are essentially family to me so it makes me just extra lonely sometimes thinking about the possibility of growing older without seeing them as often grr

[angel-in-your-basement]

It’s wild that you’re not OK with age play but you’re OK with saying that assault is a kink …. rape is not a kink! Why do so many people not understand that it’s CNC or it’s assault? Do y’all just do this for attention or what because I’m really confused on why you would think such a terrible thing could be considered a kink. Coming from someone that was raped before I was even five years old.. I just don’t think that we should sit here and act like rape is ever OK. like I said you’re looking for the term CNC, not rape. please stop contributing to men thinking rape is OK because they’re out here assaulting people in the real world when y’all do shit like this making it seem okay when it’s not. whether you think your little dumb posts are contributing to real world assaults or not, they absolutely are.

Hi there,

I can see you’re feeling really triggered by this, and I am going to explain my thinking, but first, I want to gently encourage you to take some time to self-soothe and take care of yourself, because engaging with this in a state of heightened emotion is not going to make you feel good.

I am answering this now out of the understanding that you are hurting, and this may be a good opportunity to share my perspective on these ideas, but I’m not going to answer any further asks about this. I don’t come on here to debate things.

Anyways, if you, or anyone else is interested in my take on this, here it is under the cut.

I’m going to address a couple different things here, with a reminder that is my perspective, and you absolutely don’t have to agree.

1. “You’re not okay with age play”

I actually am okay with age play, and there are some aspects that I, myself, enjoy. The reason it’s in my DNI is not bc of the kink itself, but bc of how much shit I’ve seen on tumblr of people actually being under age or seeking out under age people and using that type of tag/fantasy/etc. to do it, and I want nothing to do with that entire side of tumblr, as much as I can avoid it. Undoubtedly, there are people on here that are into age play that do so in consensual, risk-aware ways, and I support that, but I don’t actually engage with it online bc of what I said before.

2. “Rape is not a kink / it’s cnc or it’s assault”

So, we agree on this, except on the semantics of the language. Part of kink is exploring shameful and taboo topics in a safe, consensual way. It’s important to understand the limits of where play can become harm, absolutely, but I think that is very individual, and nitpicking how other people explore with no understanding of why they might be doing that is not productive.

With that understanding, it doesn’t make sense to me to say “well it’s okay if someone wants to be held down and have someone hurt them and not stop even if they say no, but they can’t say the word ‘rape’.” Language does matter, but it becomes counterproductive if we spend too much time prioritizing semantics over context and meaning. I prioritize safety, curiosity and connection, because that is what kink is about to me. I feel secure in myself that I can explore these dark fantasies without harming myself or other people, and that doing so is healthier than shaming myself for it.

3. “Do you do this for attention?”

I’m going to gently remind you here that I am also a person, who has my own set of trauma and bad experiences, and who chooses to process them in the way I choose to process them. I created this blog as a space to express myself in ways that I generally don’t get to in real life, because it’s not socially acceptable to talk about the scary/dark/repulsive thoughts that we all experience.

We are so conditioned to feel shame, and to shame others, and shame causes more damage than anything else does in humans, in my experience. Shame doesn’t make people change, it just makes them isolate and repress themselves, which leads to them dealing with their thoughts, emotions and urges in unhealthy ways. I choose to acknowledge the darker parts of people, and to be open about it so that we can learn to deal with it in healthier ways.

And yes, I do enjoy the attention, and I enjoy that people enjoy the content I create.

4. “You are contributing to real world assaults”

My question with this statement is basically: where do we draw the line? If I made the exact same posts and never used the word “rape”, would that make it okay? If I put a disclaimer on every single post, would that at all discourage someone who already thinks it’s okay to do these things without consent? Should I post about cnc at all, knowing it may be feeding into someone’s shitty ideas about the world? How much responsibility is on me, specifically, to prevent people from being assaulted?

Basically, it’s an endless rabbit hole. We have no control over other people. I choose not to take on the burden of feeling like it is my job to be perfect so that I never contribute to anything bad happening, because that is impossible. Instead, I choose to focus on the good I put into the world, and what feels good for me so that I can continue putting good into the world.

More importantly, if you want to make change in something as huge and pervasive as sexual assault, is your energy best spent lashing out at random people online? Or is it finding ways to help yourself heal, so that you don’t hurt yourself and other people? What about finding ways to support people who have through similar experiences? Or working through activism to support changing the systems at large?

I am very satisfied with the ways in which I put good into the world through educating people, supporting people and doing my best to be authentic. I have made a lot of meaning out of my suffering by helping other people.

If you genuinely want to make things better, find better ways to do it.

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

As it turned out, my little nephew was right! In this house lived or was actually a cat, but unfortunately Lucky was gone when I entered the room. ☹️ Ngl it kind of hurt that D’s cat didn’t recognize me anymore. Maybe when he sees me again?? We'll see.

This whole meeting or reunion with Daniel was totally strange!! Daniel only stared at me when I comforted Denis. Then I apologized for breaking into this... dump. I explained why we even came here. Daniel was sort of totally absent while I was talking to him. He avoided eye contact with me. I felt really stupid, so I stopped chattering. Now we both kept silent which made the situation even more unpleasant. The only noises you could hear were from Denis. 😅He hummed a song to himself. 😅I swear I started to laugh I just couldn't help it.

Now Daniel reacted a little. He also smiled, but I noticed that something was wrong with him. I asked him if he's ok? I guessed what was going on? But Daniel either didn’t understand my question or he just wanted to get rid of me? He offered me to use the front door with the little one bcs it's safer for Denis. There’s too much stuff and dangerous tools in the garden. I agreed. I took my nephew’s hand and we walked over to the... exit.

Just before I opend the door, Daniel grabbed my hand to stop me from leaving the house.

Daniel: Sorry. I just had a kind of... big Backflash or whatever they call it. That hasn’t happened to me for a long time, but when I saw you earlier I was suddenly...... back, in..... this place.

Me: You mean-

Daniel: Yes! I only hesitated because..., well, I was afraid it might trigger you.

Me: I’m no longer afraid of what happened. Since those four guys apologized and explained why they attacked us, I've made my peace with this. But what about you? For you it was much worse than for me.

Daniel: I’m fine! I’m not that angry anymore, I left all that behind. It’s just.... this place I've been. Yk, I-.... sometimes dream about it and feel like a part of me is still there. I mean, I’m fine! It’s just kind of.... crazy & unreal.

Me: But you look good Daniel, handsome! Um, NO! 😳🫢 I-... Agh, I’m glad you are well. That's, what I wanted to say!!.... Buttt... this house? What are you doing here, anyway?

Daniel: I'm working! This is....my house! 🤷‍♂️

Me: Oh! Yea, the legacy... But-...wait! This isn't Dominic's House! I knew his parents' house and it definitely didn’t look like that!!

Daniel: I’ve already sold his house. This one his parents bought for his sister just before their accident. This house has been empty on this property for.... 80 years or so.

Me: What?? Um, why hasn’t anyone bought or rebuilt it for so long??

Daniel: The former owner bought it only because of the property but, no idea why he has not changed or done anything here, for years? He sold it again to Dom's fam... Anyway, I’ll renovate it and then... I’ll see. 🤷‍♂️

Me: That’s why you wanted to wait with the divorce. 😉You are a wealthy man now, you own two houses and two huge plots of land.

Daniel: No, not quite, but almost. Nevertheless, the circumstances that led to this .... are not worth it. 😔

Me: I'm so sorry! 😢I didn't mean it like that.

Daniel: Anyway, I don’t want to talk about it.

Me: I understand that. 😔

Daniel: Will you visit me again tomorrow?

Me: Um.....ok, I’ll be back for sure, but Idk, if I can make it tomorrow?

Daniel: Great! I’m here, almost always so.... see you later.

I was so sorry. I have reminded Daniel of that terrible night, only by being there, present. No wonder our marriage was so short. When he looks at me, he remembers his brush with death. 😔

Previous/Next

[underoossss]

idk if this fit ur blurb request but can i request a first bf steve with reader. they have a fight and reader thinks theyre over but steve and them talk through it bc he doesnt want to break up?

thank you for your request! I love this, miscommunication + idiots in love 💕

——-

You close your eyes as you lean you head on the cold tile of the shower. The warm spray of water falls on the nape of your neck and down your back much like the tears that cascade down your eyes. You squeeze them shut when your heart pangs with pain once more. Steve and you are over, the stupid fight you had earlier in the afternoon triggering the breakup. How funny is it that your first ever fight is also your last?

Stepping out of the shower, you go through the motions of getting dressed and ready for bed. Your eyes are tired from crying, but the tears don’t stop as you recall the end of your conversation earlier.

Can we just leave it? I’m done. Steve said, running a hand through his hair and motioning for you to get in his car.

He wasn’t there to pick you up today, leaving you stranded in the rain. He claimed you didn’t tell him you worked until 4pm instead of 5 today so he showed up an hour late for you but on time for him. You told him you’d mentioned it yesterday and the arguing had started then. Granted, you had an awful day at work, and from the tension on Steve’s shoulders he had a bad day too. Or as it seemed maybe he was already planning on breaking up with you, and the fight gave him his chance.

The drive back to your house was silent and tense, as you held your breath to avoid crying in front of him and all but ran to the front door as soon as he parked. You didn’t take off your rain soaked clothes for another hour, too heartbroken and busy crying your eyes out to mind. It was only when you started to shiver that you went upstairs and took a long hot shower. It didn’t soothe the ache on your chest one bit.

Hair towel-dry and brushed you leave the bathroom and head to the kitchen to have some water when the doorbell rings. There’s still a light drizzle outside, and you know you didn’t order any takeout so you’re more than confused about who could be ringing your doorbell. Leaving the glass of water on the kitchen counter and pretending you don’t look a puffy mess from crying, you cross the living room to the front door.

Steve stands on the other side, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a plastic bag with unknown contents inside. His hair has some droplets of rainwater clinging to the ends and so do his eyelashes. He wears a dark blue sweatshirt and jeans, and a face so pretty your heart aches at what you lost.

“Steve? What are you doing here?” You ask, eyebrows meeting in the middle as you furrow them in confusion.

“I wanted to talk to you, I don’t like how we left things earlier?” The hand that was in his pocket scratches his chin, his eyes wide and vulnerable as they look at you.

You twist your lips to keep yourself from crying. “You want to break up officially then? Ok, do it.” You wraps your arms around your chest, protecting yourself from what will come next.

“Break up?” Steve’s eyebrows raise towards his hairline comically, mouth falling open in shock at your words. “Babe, what the hell?”

“Don’t be mean, Steve.” You shake your head and press your lips together as a tear falls down your cheek like a small traitor. “You already said ‘I’m done’, I got it.”

Steve, wonderful and beautiful Steve takes a step closer to you, face a mixture of confusion and pain. “Baby, you think we broke up? Just from that fight?”

“What else am I supposed to think Stevie?” You whisper, looking away from his sweet brown eyes and swallowing hard the knot in your throat.

“Honey, I drove you home. I would’ve hugged you goodbye but you ran out of the car before I could.” Steve shakes his head. “I thought your were pissed at me, not that you thought we broke up. Can we talk?”

You blink a few times at him as your mind tries to catch up. Steve’s always been a gentleman, of course you’d think it was normal for him to drive you home even if he broke up with you; the rest, well, you didn’t stay in his car for him to say anything else did you. Nodding and stepping back from the door, you let Steve in and close the door behind you.

Now in the warm light of the living room, Steve has a clear look at your red-rimmed eyes and the way his face falls brings fresh tears to blur your vision. “Oh, baby.” Steve frowns and pulls you to his chest, hugging you flush against him as you let yourself cry. “I’m sorry, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

“We were both so angry, when you said ‘I’m done’ I assumed—” You take a step back and look at him, his face pained from seeing you in pain.

Steve’s hands hold your face gently, the kiss he presses on your forehead is just as soft. “I meant I’m done fighting, not that I’m done with us. You’re the best thing in my life, you know that.”

Your boyfriend —you can’t believe you thought you’d have to say ex before it— leads both of you to the couch, where you sit down facing each other. Steve takes you hands in his as you lean your face on the headrest, embarrassed, happy but still hurt from the heartbreak you put yourself through hours before. “I’m sorry, we were both under a lot of stress, I forgot you said 4pm and I shouldn’t have let it start a fight between us.”

You shake your head, “I shouldn’t have gotten mad either, I was already annoyed from work and let it get the best of me. I’m sorry too, Stevie.”

“No, I’m sorry.” Steve shakes his head, “I know you like clarity, and I was very vague earlier. I should’ve said I wanted to stop fighting, instead of saying I’m done. I mean it baby, I wanted to end our fight not our relationship.”

You nod, “I shouldn’t have assumed, but I was scared to ask. I thought you found an excuse to dump me.”

“And be an idiot who lost the most perfect girl in the world?” Steve shakes his head and you give him a small smile. “It was our first fight, that’s all, it doesn’t mean my feelings for you changed.”

“I’ll call you to remind you next time my schedule changes.” You whisper, shifting closer to Steve, “I should’ve done that today.”

“And I’ll write it down, somewhere I won’t forget.” Steve’s hands find your hips and pull you closer until your legs are thrown over his and he’s looking down at you, an adoring look in his eyes. “I love you.”

You hold his cheek and smile, “I love you so much.”

Steve closes the gap between the two of you, his lips capturing yours in a soft but passionate kiss. His arms wrap around you as he leans closer, humming against your mouth when you run your fingers through his hair. He kisses you until you’re breathless and his lips place scattered pecks on your cheek, your chin and one more on your nose. It makes you laugh and the smile Steve gives you in return could power up all of Hawkins.

Rewinding to the memory of him standing in your doorway makes you pause. “What was in that bag you brought?”

Steve’s smile turns sheepish as he leans in to kiss you again, a sweet thing that gives you butterflies. “Well, I uh– thought you were pissed at me so I brought some snacks and a movie so you could forgive me.”

You smile widely at him, stomach flipping incessantly and heart beating loudly with affection. This man really does own your heart, no wonder thinking about losing him wrecked you. “You are the best thing in my life, you know? You don’t need snacks to get me to forgive you but they’re appreciated.”

Steve chuckles and wraps you up in his arms, face pressed to your neck. “Sorry I made you cry.”

“It’s okay.” You smile, soaking in his warmth and breathing in his familiar scent; feeling at ease, and safe. “We really need to communicate better though.”

Steve’s laugh is a beautiful sound next to your ear.

[milfzatannaz]

you know what’s been really bothering me.

I have misophonia. I’ve had it my whole life. My trigger noise is the sound of gum chewing and popping, and I can’t remember a time when this noise didn’t hurt. I’d cry, try and avoid it, but if someone chewing gum was talking to me, I would suddenly panic and become flighty. It made school hell sometimes, but my family made it really difficult too. I didn’t have the words to say how it felt, till I was a preteen or so. I grew up being hyper vigilant in the car worried my mother would reach into the cup holder and grab some gum. I still hate the sight of that particular brand in grocery stores! my siblings often got angry if I asked them to spit their gum out and would honestly chew it on purpose a lot.

anyway. this long lore spiel brings me to What’s Bothering Me. When I upset or piss off my mother, her favorite way to punish me is to threaten to chew gum in my face. The night of our fight, I was crying, cowered in my bed hoping she’d fall asleep, and I overheard her telling my sister “I’m going to stand over her bed and chew and chew and see how she feels”

I was so used to this threat that it didn’t occur to me that it was wrong. Not till last week, when a classmate in philosophy was chewing loud at me on purpose bc he thought I was being messy when I asked him to stop, so I had to cover my ears with my hands. I blurted out that I had misophonia and my professor was like I’m so sorry I didn’t know, and she got my classmate to stop. So I told her, thinking my tone was joking enough, that when my mom would get pissed off she’d threaten to chew and my professor looked at me and went, as a mother, i couldn’t imagine doing that.

so now I’m upset in bed probably looping thru a bad night (I’ll be ok I have the steps to take if it gets bad) and I feel so fucking sad that my mother thought this was okay my whole life

[proshippy-fox]

hi there! I'm not really knowledgeable on fandom culture and rules and i can't get a clear definition of what proshipping means for the life of me. sometimes i see an explanation that makes me think "oh ok that just sounds like how any rational person ought to engage with media/fandom" and then i see an explanation that makes me think it's kinda unhinged. so! i came across your blog and thought i might ask for what it means to you if you have the time and energy for it? my vague understanding of it is that it's like, yall don't reject anything with fandom/media, like, even the "problematic" stuff. does a proshipper mean you have to accept everything and engage with everything with an open mind, or do yall set your own boundaries on what you don't like and prefer not to engage with, without forcing that boundary on others? i took a brief spin over the most recent posts on your blog here and i've gathered that proshipping means yall don't want to like, mandate the media/fandom that everyone experiences bc one specific person doesn't like it/thinks it's immoral.

my stance on fandom and media is usually, there are things i don't like, and i set my own boundaries on what i wish to engage/not engage with. And like, i've definitely read some weird stuff, and I've decided that those just aren't meant for me. As long as something doesn't actively promote/cause harm to anyone in real life, I don't really care what people choose to do with their own media experiences. Which, that kinda sounds like some descriptions of proshipping that i've heard? But again, even just trying to google the definition never gives me a clear answer.

Anyways, answer this on your own time, I'm in no rush to get an answer I'm just curious. Thank you!

heya! being proship is generally "whatever fictional media or tropes that someone is into is not an indicator of their morality and character," at least to me.

I use the label because personally, and logically, it doesn't make sense to cherry pick tropes and say stuff like "violence is often glorified in fiction (especially video games) but it DOES NOT cause real life violence, while sexual violence or other things deemed illegal and immoral in real life being glorified (or even just depicted at all) in fiction DOES cause real life harm." the average person knows that immoral and/or illegal things are, well, immoral and/or illegal, and does not let depictions and enjoyment of such scenarios within a fictional setting affect their real life views.

and about boundaries I believe you would be correct in that most proshippers set their own boundaries and do not enforce it on others, not that proshippers have to accept and engage with any type of media. everyone has their own squicks and triggers, after all

I do agree that they are something you enforce on yourself, especially online. it is pretty rude to insist someone stop posting because it makes you personally. blocking and muting are the most common way to avoid content, which is also why tagging correctly is a big thing. (and especially recently, with the way tumblr tags work. "cw inc3st" will get past your filters if you only have "cw incest" filtered. I assume most of that problem comes from tiktok and maybe twitter, unfortunately)

the community is pretty big and, as with all sizable communities, things get confusing and mixed up.

anyway, I tend to talk a lot, but I hope this helped. thanks for sending an ask!

[full-course-identity]

people commenting on the existence of m/aps be like: look at how hard i can commit ableism! AAAAAARGHGHHGHHHHH YOUR SILENT THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AREN’T YOU EXCEPT WHEN THEY’RE DEEMED BAD ENOUGH AAAAARRRRRGHAHAHHHHH

[doberbutts]

ok but the major term transmascs have to describe the specific oppression we face was coined by a violently antiblack, anti-indigenous, lesbophobe who has a fetishistic kink related to correctively raping lesbians and gaslighting them into thinking they’re men so like. maybe use another word that isn’t associated with that. bc the majority of the transmascs who use it are associated with him and harassed if they speak against him. and also with the harassment of black transmascs like voc.

Give me proof that he is anti-black and anti-indigenous, specifically. Because the "proof" I see is that he got into a dispute over the usage of the acronym ABO during a discussion about Omegaverse theory and how a lot of trans guys are uncomfortable with the way it's treated in fanfic. An Aboriginal blogger objected to the acronym being used in this way because it is also a slur used against Aboriginal people. He initially protested this because words, in fact, often have more than one meaning and many people who have it trigger-tagged use specifically that variant and he was very clearly not talking about Aboriginal people, but eventually relented and agreed to only use the acronym with the slashes A/B/O or call it Omegaverse instead.

That was apparently not good enough. He was then labelled anti-black after a short vent regarding Biden's Juneteeth declaration, calling it too little too late, a sentiment shared by many black people (including myself!) and said he wanted more from this country's leadership in terms of reparations. This was deemed... talking over black people? Because he thought our historically racist leadership was doing too little to make up for slavery?

He *then* was labelled harassing two bloggers who have honestly been doing a lot of petty shit-flinging and launching personal harassment campaigns when one of his followers eventually decided to call them to the carpet for 8 months of abuse and block-dodging and call-out-posting- and... let's not forget that these bloggers also outright deny black people who disagree with them their blackness by calling them white-aligned and coons and monkeys the second any black blogger comments on their bad behavior.

In other words, the 'proof' I've seen is a stupid petty personal dispute that got way out of hand and should have ended when all parties blocked each other.

As for his kink blog- again I say that digging through someone's private (PASSWORD PROTECTED) consensual sex life for dirt is like... old hat homophobia and transphobia. But even ignoring that, yes he was engaging in some borderline SSC kinks consensually with a trans woman partner and some of that was indeed deliberate misgendering, forced masculinization, and consensual non-consent. And eventually he realized he was not comfortable continuing and stopped, and the screenshots were taken well after the fact. He has said this more than once on his blog. You don't need to like what someone does in the privacy of their own bedroom (or in this case on a blog you shouldn't have had access to), but understand that not only was it consensual but that his partner enjoyed it and wanted it. You are calling him a predator because he engaged in consensual sex that was asked of him.

(also it's really fucking weird that y'all are so hung up on that but the trans masc and trans man and ftm tags are constantly filled with trans fems looking for trans mascs to practice forced fem/misgendering/cnc kinks on and y'all do literally nothing about it- idgaf what people are into as long as it's SSC but at least be consistent)

What's mind-boggling to me is that he's mostly just been doing his own thing on his own blog, getting top surgery, fixing his homelessness, and being isolated because anyone who dares actually research anything in regards to this is immediately put to the axe. That blocklist is because he was initially resistant to changing an acronym that people use to avoid a specific trigger that has nothing to do with the racist slur the acronyn shares letters with. Literally. This has snowballed out of proportion from that.

Meanwhile two trans fems so far have been called fakers or outright called men as a result of this block list. Several bloggers have recieved death threats, rape threats, transphobic garbage, ableist garbage, and worse. Who is harassing who, here? Because these bloggers were mainly talking among themselves (or in some cases, just talking TO themselves as there are vent blogs with only a small handful of followers on that list) and not going out of their way to bother anyone. When multiple trans fems spoke up saying hey, this isn't cool, I believe the same thing as these trans mascs and intersex people, put me on the list too... it was denied because the list is "only" for trans mascs. How does that make sense? If people who believe in something are all dangerous, why is it only some people being punished for it?

[secretsandwriting]

Murder Made Us Do It

Part Twelve: A History On Cults

When a killer targeting couples manages to avoid both the Justice League and the Devil Fugitives, the two “enemies” decide to work together to bring him down. How do you catch a killer targeting couples? You bait him with couples. It couldn’t go wrong, right?

TW WARNINGS: Mentions of child abuse, death, human experimentation, kidnapping, electroshock therapy, phycological abuse, phycological horror, gunshot wounds, autopsies, bullet removal, shrapnel removal, animal abuse, organs outside of the body, starvation, forced iv, blood.

Probably over tagged but I figured better safe than sorry. Anyways idk how much I like this but its good enough! I hope those of you ok with reading it like it!

SUMMARIZED VERSION WITHOUT ALL THE TRIGGERS

ALSO, if you like it pls comment or reblog with your thoughts bc i would love to hear them :D

“I really hate to have to be the one to say it… But ever since we cut contact, Matchmaker hasn’t shown up, we’ve all been feeling like we’re being watched, and we keep hearing about these people with smiley face masks. Something is going on and the only people who knew all the details are Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, Jacob and ourselves. The onl-” Alistair looked ready to cry.

“And the only one who wouldn’t face direct problems from it would be Jacob.” Ry finished for him.

“But he took us in, helped us learn how to function in society, got us therapy and countless other things. Why would he do something like this?” It didn’t make sense, why would he put so much effort into helping the three of you while helping the other side.

“The biggest question is who’s he helpi-” A hand clamped over your mouth and held you down, within seconds Ali and Ry were pinned as well. A familiar weight was clamped over your neck and the pain that came with it was just as bad as you remembered.

“No! Please! I promise I’ll be good!” You begged the man in the white coat. “I promise! I’ll sit still and I won’t hurt anyone I’m not supposed to! Just please don’t put the collar on! It hurts so much!” He hadn’t listened and the power restraining collar had been forced on despite your begging.

You were pulled from your memories when you were lifted up after being securely cuffed. Jacob stood up front, talking with one of the old scientists you thought had been killed. He glanced over and smirked. His eyes didn’t hold the warmth you were used to. It was like he was someone else entirely.

“Get them in the van. Make sure no one notices.” 

Why couldn’t nice things last.

Tim looked down at his phone when it pinged. Alistair. A soft smile grew on his face and the rest of the family grinned to themselves. It was cute and good blackmail material. 

“What’d your boyfriend say?”

“It’s just a location. Their hou-” He was cut off by the sound of Jason’s phone. Ry judging by the look on his face. He stepped away to answer before coming back and putting it on speaker. It sounded like Trash. The chatter was clearly a racoon and he sounded upset.

“The SOS.” Dick looked sick.

“What.” Bruce stood up.

“Y/n told me that they have a three part SOS and that the order they would come in would be Alistair, Ry, and then her. But her part was just a bunch of numbers and a book-” He typed through his phone before  showing them a screenshot with a series of numbers. 

“That's a safe code.”

“We need to go now!”

The entire group moved fast, getting into costume before getting into vehicles and speeding away. Within record time they were entering the house. Everything looked normal until two disturbed animals came running in. Trash waved them in while Appa started moving further into the house. 

They were led to a bookshelf that Trash scaled until he reached one book and tugged, looking back at the group. Damian stepped forward.

“A history of Cults?” He reached out and grabbed the book to pull it out but it only went so far before it stopped and they heard a click. Appa yowled from her spot on the ground, front paws up on the bookshelf and almost mimicking pushing it. Steph moved to help the cat and the bookshelf moved easily revealing a safe. The safe’s door was ripped off and it was empty.

“They go-” Appa yowled, interrupting Bruce and turning their eyes down to where Trash was acting something out.

“Behind it!” Jason moved and started inspecting the safe, Tim joining him. “Here. Pull!” The safe was moved and under it was another safe. “The code!” Dick put in the code and the door opened. He pulled out three files and a notebook. On the front of the books, in all caps, READ IN A SECURE LOCATION! Back to the Batcave, this time, they called the rest of the league to join them. 

“Why are we here?”

“The three from Devil’s Fugitives. Ghost, Cryptic, and Hacker have been kidnapped. We don’t know why or by who but they left us everything to get into their safe where we pulled these.” Bruce set the files and the notebook on the table. “We’re going to go over them and see if we can get any information off of them.”

“Ok, why is Dick holding a cat and a raccoon clinging to Jason?”

“They’re the girl’s pets.” 

The first file was scanned in and within seconds the first page was pulled up. 

Subject 404

It was Alistair’s judging by his ability listed. The reality of how bad it was, slowly started sinking in. They all saw the signs of past trauma, wasted as the three refused to explain things they had asked about, how how they all had weird habits that seemed off. But they never would have realized the full extent.

They hadn’t even gotten past the first page with the training plan. Just the training plan. But it was horrific. The detailed daily schedule consisted of electroshock therapy, whatever the hell fear training was, 6 hours of training daily, then an additional 4 hours of mental training as well as a whole slew of other things they didn’t want to figure out.

The second page was worse. It was the scientist's notes. While it was all important and all extremely twisted, a few things stood out to them.

—---

Today pain training went well, the subject barely flinched when he was shot. Tomorrow we’ll try multiple shots.

—---

The subject is starting to settle down. He’s not trying to make friends anymore and he’s going quietly when the guards go get him.

—---

The subject is showing signs of fear towards rats. Tomorrow he’ll go through fear training and will be locked in a cage with them until he’s no longer afraid.

—---

Today we introduced the subject to another to compare compatibility.

—---

The subject seems to be working well with Subject 532. 

—---

The Subject and Subject 532 will be introduced to the third. 

—---

Subjects 404, 532, and 673 have been introduced and started training together. Its only a matter of time before our goals are completed.

—---

The subjects seem to be getting too friendly. He was put down.

—---

During Subject 404’s autopsy, 31 bullets, 45 shrapnel, and 392 foreign items were removed. They’re currently in the process of fixing the broken bones, once that’s complete we’ll move onto the enhanced Lazurus pit injections we created.

—---

The injection was just inserted into the subject's heart. Now it’s a waiting game

—---

The subject’s heart has started beating on its own.

—---

One of the side effects seems to be a change in blood color, It's now a dark turquoise. 

—---

The first training session since the revival has revealed an increase of physical abilities.

—---

The subjects are still too close. When a guard tried to separate them, he was killed without hesitation. They’re getting stronger, we’re getting closer.

The only sound in the cave was Tim’s sobs. It was horrific. No one wanted to move onto the other files but they had too. They needed a clue as to where they would be.

The Next file was labeled Subject 532. It was Ry’s. The first page was basically the same, all the normal information a doctors office would have and then another horrible schedule plan. The Rest of the file was notes, and they braced themselves for the worst. 

—---

Subject 532 is doing well with the fear training. It only takes an hour for her to get over most fears. 

—---

The subject is still overly friendly with others but that could work as a cover so we’re letting it slide for now.

—---

We’ve found a good punishment for the subject since meals weren’t enough leverage. Give her punishments to the animals she trains with and she’ll break.

—---

The subject was introduced to a potential teammate. Subject 404. We’re not sure how it will go yet.

—---

The two subjects seem to be working well together. We’ll adjust their training to match

—---

A Third subject will be introduced. It’s earlier than planned but we’re progressing well. 

—---

The first training with the third is going well. They’ve seemed to click well. Training will be adjusted again

—---

The subject has gotten too close with the others. We were afraid of this. Subject 532 has been terminated.

—---

Subject 532’s autopsy went well. All foreign objects were removed and bones and organs were patched up. Her organs will be placed in the body and the Enhanced Lazarus Pit serum will be injected tomorrow

—---

The Subject's heart has started beating. It’s estimated she’ll be back up in less than a week

—---

There's been a change in blood color as well as a few other vitals.

—---

The first training session went well. The subject is showing signs of advanced physical abilities and increased aggression. More testing will be needed to find the limit

—---

The subjects are still too close. When separation is mentioned around them they go ballistic. Its only a matter of time before they’re too strong for any chains mankind can create

Jason looked sick, between crying and screaming. No one could blame him. The things they read in the last hour were horrible. No one should have to go through anything like that. They continued on.

Subject #673

—---

Starvation training is going good. It’s been 6 days since her last meal and she hasn’t broken yet.

—---

The subject seems to be avoiding others, that's good for now

—---

The subject refused to drink anything again today. We’ll have to use an IV

—---

The subject is doing well with most of her training. She’s being prepared for her introduction with the other two subjects.

—---

The subject wasn’t working well with the other two until a little into the session. They’ll be good together

—---

Training has been adjusted to better match the three of them. However the subjects appear to be getting too close.

—---

As feared, the subjects became too close to each other. Subject 673 was killed.

—---

The subject was autopsied and put back together with the Enhanced Lazarus Pit liquid injected into her heart at the end. 

—---

Her vitals are returning to normal and she should be ready to go soon. Her blood has started to change color.

—---

The first training session has revealed an increase in physical ability. This will do wonders for our goal.

—---

The subject has started showing signs of increased hostility, right now sh-

It abruptly cut off and blood could be seen at the bottom of the paper. There was nothing to help there. Just a list and descriptions of the horrors the three went through. That left their only hope in the notebook.

The three boys had seen enough, they had spent the last 7 months getting closer to them only to have them ripped from them and then shown the horrors the three had grown up with. But they needed to find them. They needed to save them. And they needed information for that

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[bellsarefun]

The Bad Batch Headcanons [Insecure S/O]

【Ａｎｏｎｙｍｏｕｓ　ａｓｋｅｄ："Hello! Could you do headcanons for the members of the bad batch (including Echo & Crosshair) with an s/o that loves physical affection but is hesitant to initiate and shies away from touch bc they’re insecure about their body? This is very specific and a bit of a deep topic so if you don’t wanna do it then that’s totally ok too! Happy writing :) /g"】

【ｒａｔｉｎｇ：PG-13 and sfw!】

【ｗａｒｎｉｎｇｓ：This headcanon may have triggering content involving body image, read at your own caution please! Your mental health is most important and I recommend taking a look at some of my other headcanons if this one isn't for you. :)】

【ａ／ｎ：I hope I did this one justice!】

Hunter:

Hunter is extremely observant, blame that on his heightened senses all you want, and he'd pick up on your avoidance the first few times it happened. You would sometimes shy away from his touch and when you tried to initiate, you'd stop yourself.

At first, he'd be understanding—his relationship with you was the first he'd ever had so he was not the most experienced when it came to matters of the heart either. Hunter believed that after awhile you would come out of your shell more and that it would take some time. But, soon enough, he'd start noticing the way your fiddled with the hem of your shirt to pull it down over yourself or the way you would take extra time to look in the mirror before starting the day. The was your lips would purse in slight distaste as your eyes scanned over your body. It would be then that he would catch you alone.

"Love? Do you have a minute?"

"Is something wrong, Hunter? You look worried."

"There's something that I wanted to talk to you about. It might be my imagination, but I've noticed you shy away from me. Have I done something wrong? Did someone say something to you?"

It would take you a minute but soon enough you assured him that it wasn't about him and that it was more with you. When you admitted that the reason why, his heart nearly broke. His first reaction was to ask if he could hug you and when you responded with a silent nod, he would engulf you in the tightest embrace. To him, you were perfect. You were his sun, the moon, and the stars. He'd pull away from the hug and ask you simply what he could do to best help you.

Overall, he is extremely tentative to your needs and would be incredibly patient as he understands that improving self-esteem and body image takes time. If he cannot provide the support you need, he will ensure to find someone who can.

Crosshair:

Crosshair isn't the most physically affectionate out of his brothers to begin with , so it would take him awhile before he noticed something. It wasn't that he didn't care, more like he didn't really freely hand out affection either so he assumed you were the same way.

But, then the small things started to pile up that his keen eye would often take notice of; you'd shy away from certain clothes, making sure you were always covered, but most commonly, he would catch you looking in the mirror with a scrutinizing eye. His eyebrows would narrow on his face when he started to recognize the way your hands would trace over your body, gently prodding and pulling at the skin in an effort to make it appear different. Especially after his scar on Bracca, he remembered dragging his fingers over the scarred tissue on his head in much the same way you had.

It would be then he would understand, he didn't need you to tell him. His first instinct was that someone had to have made you feel this way and he was totally on board with murdering anyone, you would just have to say the word. He'd catch you one day, doing the same thing, poking and prodding, and without missing a beat he carefully would come up from behind you. You would glance over your shoulder at him, slightly sheepish, and he would slip his hands on your waist.

"Did someone make you feel this way? Say the word and I'm on it." He would say, causing you to question him in confusion. "There's nothing wrong with you. Tell me who." You'd take a few seconds to fully understand what he was referencing before you'd shake your head meekly.

"No, I would've told you, Cross."

"There's nothing wrong with you, you're you. That's what matters."

Overall, this man has an indirect way of going about showing that he cares about you but he does try his best. He will listen quietly if you needed to speak with him, his usual snide and snarky comments being kept for another time. Crosshair will remind you to not hold back, he is yours as much as you are his—you are allowed to give him all the affection you want.

Wrecker:

This man was never able to really spot the finer details except when it comes to explosives and disarming them. But oh boy, Wrecker loves physical affection and is the king of cuddling. He won't entirely understand when you shy away from his hugs, it genuinely hurts his feelings as he thinks there something wrong with him. Did he hurt you somehow? Were you mad at him for some reason? Wrecker will overthink the past day and assume he must've done something wrong.

You would be working on something, cleaning up the Marauder with Wrecker piecing together a new bomb from the materials on the last mission. The rest of the boys and Omega were updating Cid on the events of the previous mission. You both would be working in silence, but you soon noticed that Wrecker's fiddling becoming more and more frantic by the minute.

When you asked him what was wrong, he would try to play it off through stuttering. But, even though he assured you, you knew something was really bothering him. Soon enough, he'd cave.

"Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?"

"What are you talking about, of course not! Why would I be mad at you?" Wrecker would shrug his shoulders in response and his eyes would peer at you nervously.

"You just...Seem to pull away from me. You don't want any of my hugs. I thought they were pretty nice."

You would be slightly taken aback, then you started running through the past few weeks. You hadn't been feeling the greatest about yourself recently, it come and went, and you supposed you hadn't noticed it leaking into other aspects of your life. You would tell Wrecker this, you'd explain his hugs were the best thing in the world and that he had done nothing wrong.

When he would ask what was wrong then, you would have to tell him that the problem lay with you. Wrecker wouldn't entirely understand because to him, you were perfect in everyway. What did you mean you didn't like yourself? But then, through gentle explanations, he would come to understand and accommodate your needs however he could. Wrecker from that point on would always remind you how perfect you were in every way.

Tech:

You had always enjoying giving Tech physical affection, a hug here, a kiss on the cheek there, he certainly didn't mind it. But, he started to notice the increasing number of times you would hold yourself back in the past weeks. At first, he didn't worry and assumed that you would talk to him if you needed him. However, that conversation never did came.

Tech was extremely knowledgeable about a number of topics ranging from standard military operations to most delicate technology the galaxy had to offer. But, when he started noting behaviours that were out of the ordinary for you, he grew worried. He started researching once he ruled out that no one had caused you harm and starting reading on his holopad when he wasn't working on one of his projects.

Once he believed he had figured out the best approach, he sat you down with you both facing each other. The Marauder was undergoing repairs which left it empty while the rest of Clone Force 99 was in Cid's parlour along with Omega. He wanted to understand how you were feeling and once he did, he could devise a way to best support you through it all.

"Tech, what's all this for?"

"It has come to my attention that recently you haven't been acting like yourself, (Y/N)."

"What are you talking about?"

"There seems to be something wrong with your eyes, I believe. You keep looking in the mirror and critiquing yourself when there is no concrete reason to do so."

In all honesty, you were slightly taken aback and were at a loss for words until it clicked into place what he was getting at. Tech told you honestly that he was worried about you and that he wanted to help, but could only do so if you were honest with him. He understands there is more to pain than just physical, the worst of it can be found within in the mind itself.

Tech offers to listen quietly and allow you to speak your mind, he knows from his research that the best way he can help is to simply have an open ear. He is extremely tentative to your needs and will help you both figure out the best support system for you. If there is something he does know about, he will do as much research as he can to understand.

Echo:

You were an affectionate person, but you always seemed to hold yourself back and hesitate. At first Echo thought that it was because that he considered himself not to be the most appealing individual to cuddle or hug, but then he started noticing things.

Echo's has dealt with his fare share of body issues ever since his accident from phantom pains to body dysmorphia. He knows the signs well and has been working through it himself over time—so when he begins to see some in you, he knows he has to address it as soon as possible. It pains him to see the way you look at yourself sometimes, it reminds him of the times he often look at himself the same way.

He would prepare the both of you some tea in the later hours of the day and your favourite comfort snack. He would be working on cleaning his arm prosthetic, his hand diligently using a rag to wipe away any dirt or grime. You would be drinking your tea, hands cupping each side of your mug and he would glance toward you once before piping up.

"(Y/N), there's something that I need to talk to you about."

"Hm? Is it something bad?"

"Of course not, I mean-" He would place the rag down and pause for a moment. "I'm just worried about you. I've noticed that you hold yourself back from me sometimes. I want you to know, I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me."

That's where the conversation would start and the two of you would begin to talk more and more. Echo would express that he was worried that you viewed yourself in a way that was not the healthiest and wanted to assure you that he was there if you ever needed him. He would sit beside you and you would both talk, he would listen and you would talk and when he would talk you would listen.

To him, he knew that talking was one of the best ways to support you and if you didn't want to talk, he would be content with simply being in the same safe space as you. Echo was never the type of man to ignore your needs, especially when it comes to matters of the health of the body and mind.

[cowboypossume]

the group chatting

hi ! bc exactly one perosn asked for this and i finished up a college course over the summer with an a- here is a cut scene from a fic where a group of kiddos are at lunch and figuring out what to do afterschool (: !

“No!! I’m not asking my parents again.” Sophie said, pulling their head off the table. “Why do we always go to my house anyway? Don’t y’all live somewhere?” 

“Because, you’re the only one of the group that doesn’t have crippling mommy or daddy issues,” Fitz said, matter of factly. 

“Or both!” Keefe chimed in after a bite from his fry. 

“Uh, bullshit. I don’t know who my biological parents are, and the identity crisis that has caused me is iconic, more so than mommy or daddy issues are. Also, maybe my biological parent issues are worse. What if they’re in prison or something? I could be related to-”

“Yea, that’s the thing, you could be.” Keefe cut them off. “You might not be.”

“Plus,” Biana said, sliding into the top edge of the booth and basically sitting over Dex, “The prison system is a scam. People admit to false convictions and get over punished for minor crimes because they don’t have the resources to do otherwise. Your parents being in prison might not be their fault, or even a bad thing for their credibility.” He took a sip from a juice box. 

Sophie rolled their eyes. “Not the point I was trying to make, but thank you for that addition.”

Biana smiled around the straw. “Anytime.”

“Plus,” Dex added, resting a hand on Biana’s legs while she messed with his curls, “We shouldn’t be comparing traumas. Nothing you guys are talking about are inherently good things? How about we stop being a Jubilee video, and, I don’t know, talk about literally anything else.”

“Dex!” Sophie said, finding sunden energy. “You have a good relationship with your family. Why don’t we go to your house?”

“Because I have a total of six people in my house living there, not to mention there are always relatives coming in and out. Also!! Three of the consistent people are seven years old and don’t respect any kind of boundary, which is fine, I love them regardless, but with the amount of shit this group has gone through, maybe we don’t need to invoke triggers for no reason.”

“Screw you too.” Sophie said, flopping back into the booth.

“Love youuuuuuuuuuuuu.” Dex said, reaching for her hand across the table. “Also compsi has a meeting afterschool today.”

“Uh huh. Why don’t we go to the park or something?” Sophie said. 

“Because, even under shade and with a million fans going, we can never avoid being miserably hot.” Keefe said.

Fitz nodded. “And your backyard is way cooler than any park we could go to.”

“Was that pun intended?” Keefe asked, glowing with pride.

Fitz winked. “Maybe.”

“Ughhhhhh, fine! I’ll ask my parents a g a i n. Who all is coming over?”

“I can’t. Speech and Debate tournament.” Biana said. 

Keefe gasped. “Is that why you’re wearing a suit?”

“No, I just thought it would be comfortable. Obviously that’s the reason, dumbass!!”

“Well good luck!!” Mucrua added, pausing her typing on the computer for a second. 

“You’re literally my debate partner??”

He shrugged. “Yeah? I want us to have good luck.”

Tam rubbed his eyes after he dragged a chair to the edge of the booth. “What are you talking about?”

“They’re arguing about why we always hang out at Sophie’s.” Linh piped up, looking over xier book from the corner.

“Why hello,” Keefe said to Linh at the same time Tam smiled to himself saying “Typical.”

“Keefe, we were literally talking before lunch started. Calm down.”

“What about it? I missed hearing your voice.” Keefe said while dramatically putting his head onto xier shoulder.

“Yeah, you have been kinda quiet. Everything ok?” Fitz asked, reaching a hand across the table.

“Fine! Today’s just been a long day and, love you guys, but talking to people is exhausting. Which, by the way,” xey pointed to Sophie, “I don’t want to hang out later.”

“Good job not apologizing!” Tam said enthusiastically but brought his hands together in a sarcastic clap.

“Fuck you.” Linh said, immediately dropping how tired xier voice sounded before.

“Okay-” Sophie said quickly. “Linh, you’re out. Tam?” “Can’t. Speech and debate.” “Wait, I thought I.E.’s only competed on Saturdays.” Keefe asked.

“Aww, is that affection I’m reading between the lines on?” Tam said while leaning forward.

“What? No! I just,,,, pay attention.”

“No you don’t.” Sophie and Fitz said together.

“Ugh! Fine! I kinda like you around. Great? Cool. Now answer the question.” Keefe said, combining his words together due to the speed. 

“See, was that so hard?”

“Tam!” Linh tisked, not looking up from xier book or really moving.

He sighed dramatically. “Yes, Keefe, you were right: IE’s usually do Saturadys, but this fucking school is trying to be edgy and make it Friday, so, all I.E.rs are having fun. Also. The coach wants me to try LD, so I get to be triple entered this time around. But, yeah. I definitely cannot. Also there's a film thing I had to enter tomorrow, and I have to give a memorized speech there too. ”

“Holy shit are you ok?” Marcua asked, closing the computer and putting it in his bag. At the same time, Dex asked “Do you want us to go to your thingy tomorrow?”

“Not really.” Tam said through a laugh. 

“Was that to us going or being ok?” Linh asked, concerned.

Tam did not answer.

Marcua crawled over Dex, knocking Biana’s foot off the bench with her bag, and went to hug him from behind.

“Awesome, you’re out,” Sophie filled in after a second of dead silence, “Dex?”

“I already said I was busy.”

“Right!! I’m great at this. So,, it’d just be me, Fitz, and Keefe?”

The group all looked around at each other then nodded.

“Awesome.”

Fitz gave her a knowing smile. He cusped the side of their face and kissed her check. “It’ll be ok, Love,” he whispered.

Sophie wanted to say something back, but Keefe interrupted. “Heyhey, this couple shit needs to stop. I refuse to be the third wheel later or right now.”

“There’s too many of us to be for you to be a third wheel,” Linh said, pushing Keefe off xier shoulder. 

“And I don’t really wanna see it either.” Biana added. 

FItz mocked a gasp. “I am wounded.” 

“You’re my brother, and that’s my ex. Y’all are cute together but I’m allowed to feel a little weird when I see it.” “Hey! It’s not my fault you don’t feel attraction!” Sophie faked being upset.

“Never said it was!” Biana grinned back at her. He reached around Dex and went to hold their hand. She grabbed it back. “Especially because I can do so much better.” 

Marcua tapped Biana’s leg with her phone without letting go of Tam. “Hate to break up this, touching reunion that happens once a week, but it’s 1:45. We’ve gotta get going.”

They all said their goodbyes, lunch ended, and the end of the day came faster than Sophie would have liked.

thank you @an-absolute-travesty for indulging this  ♡ 

[shingia]

Could I request Kuroo, Bokuto, Tsukishima, Sakusa, Miya twins, and Tendou with a reader who used to self harm but was sober for a while, only to relapse after they left bc of a huge argument then please and thanks? Sorry if that’s really intense tho. And thank u for being so nice🙂💞

[𝐓𝐖] 𝐒/𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌

ok i reaaally hope this is what you expected. i didn’t know what kind of ending you wanted but i decided that you, my friend, needed comfort, so i gave you comfort because you deserve it ❤️️

i hope reading this will make you feel better! kisses on your nose ❤️️

type : (strong) angst | word count : 4.4K

warnings : mentions of self-harm, depiction of depressive behavior (plz do not read if any of these might trigger something, i want you all to be safe <3)

⇀ 𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨

« fuck you, kuroo. fuck. you. ». those were the last words you had told him. they had hurt, but they were nothing compared to the last words he had told you, the words that kept playing over and over in your head as you slowly felt yourself drift to your old habits again : « i’m done with you ».

was it your fault ? did you push him over the edge ? you had many questions to ask kuroo, but he wasn’t there to answer anymore. so these thoughts were left spiraling in your head as you started to lose balance between love and pain. because his love used to be the cure to your pain. so now what ? what were you supposed to do other than going back to your old habits ? you couldn’t think of any answer.

on monday morning, you woke up thirty minutes earlier because, first of all, you needed some time for the swelling of your eyes to go down, and second of all, you needed to mentally prepare yourself to see kuroo again. it had been two days since your fight, and he had not manifested himself once. it seemed to be well and truly over ; and that thought had been the main cause of the collapsing of your mental strength over the last two days.

during your first period, although you were avoiding his gaze, kuroo couldn’t help but cast glances in your direction. because he knew you better than anyone, and he could only imagine how hurt you were.

but he really started to get suspicious when he noticed you were not raising your hand to correct today’s homework. he had helped you with that last week, and you had told him that you felt confident enough to propose your correction to the class ; which rarely happened. so why weren’t you raising your hand ?

he had a bad feeling about the answer… he didn’t care about giving you quick glances anymore, he just stared at your arms until one of your movements would make your sleeve reveal just a few inches of your skin.

and he was horrified to have his fears confirmed. the cuts that he had so often kissed while holding you in his arms were back. and he knew it was all because of him. and although his first thought was that it was not his job to heal them anymore, he couldn’t bring himself to act unbothered.

he had loved you for long enough to know that you needed him right now. or maybe he still loved you ? it was not clear, but it didn’t matter right now. what mattered was that he needed you to listen to what he wanted to say, even if that was the last thing you accepted to hear from him.

« y/n, we need to talk » he told you once you got out of the classroom. you looked up at him ; his face was unusually austere. he carefully grabbed your shoulder and took you away from everyone else. 

« i can’t… i couldn’t walk out of there pretending like i didn’t see what your arms looked like » he started. « now listen, i know i fucked up, but i still care. and you still matter. whatever our relationship is doesn’t define you and most importantly, these don’t define you » he pointed at your wrists, his brows furrowed with concern. « so please, i’m begging you, keep in mind that i’m always here if you need to talk. always. and if you don’t want to talk to me that’s fine, but in that case, please find someone else. for the sake of everything we've been through together, don't let everything you’ve accomplished go to waste » and he wrapped his arms around you in the strongest hug he had ever given.

⇀ 𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐨

it had already been a week. and bokuto had absolutely no idea what to do. call you ? text you ? probably not. what would he even say ? « hi, sorry for slamming the door in your face after screaming at you for fifteen minutes. am i still your boyfriend ? » awful idea.

and while bokuto was pondering every option he had left to get in touch with you, you were left in the darkest place of your mind. and you hadn’t felt like that in a few months. because bokuto used to always be there, his number on speed dial whenever you feared you would relapse. and thanks to his unwavering support, you hadn’t. but was there anything in this world that was truly unwavering ? you really started to doubt it. and now that bokuto had left you, what could carry the pain away ? whatever the answer was, you were in no condition to think rationally about it.

you remembered how he used to celebrate every improvement in your mental health, how strong of a cornerstone he had been for you. and just the fact of not knowing where you guys were at after your fight was enough to make you feel like you were drowning again.

you were overflowing with emotions that you thought you couldn’t control, and apart from holding on tight to bokuto’s chest, you only knew one way to feel better.

you loved him, you really did. but after a week without hearing from him, you started to think that maybe his feelings were not as real as he pretended they were. and how could you not blame him for that ? for letting you down so fast ?

curled up in your bed, tears were streaming down your face ; because you felt weaker than you had promised yourself to be. you were exhausted, in every sense of the word, yet there was still a tiny bit of strength left in your body that made you grab your phone and open your conversation with bokuto. the last message was a bitter pill to swallow : « no problem babe, i’m always here for you ». it was just a week ago but it felt like an eternity had passed. your fingers started slowly typing on the screen and immediately hit sent, knowing that you would second guess your message if you re-read it. « can we talk? », just three words, it was the maximum you could get off of your chest right now.

but bokuto did not answer. for the simple reason that he was too busy catching his breath in front of your door. he frantically knocked, not stopping until you opened it.

« oh my god, are you okay ?! » he exclaimed, patting your entire body like he wanted to make sure you were well and truly there. and once he had made sure of that, he pulled you against his chest like he wasn’t planning on letting you go ever again. « did- did you… » he ventured to ask, not wanting to finish his sentence precisely because he was afraid of your answer. but when he heard you let out a muffled sob against his chest, his fears instantly got replaced by guilt. more than he had ever felt. « you’re alright, i got you. i got you now… » he murmured, his hands stroking your back tenderly. « we’ll get through this together, ok ? we’ll show the world how strong you are. because i know you are. »

⇀ 𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐬𝐚

yes, sakusa had run away. and he was glad he had. because he knew how hurtful he could be with his words, and he had enough respect not to inflict that to you. but as he made his way back home, doubt started installing in his head. what if he shouldn’t have left you after your fight ? he immediately shook the thought away. no, you were good now. you were better. nothing like who you were when he met you.

and sakusa could be very convincing when he needed to, including with himself. that’s why he didn’t get in touch with you for the next three days, because he thought you just needed some time for yourself.

but when he received a worried text from komori when he got out of the gym after practice, he changed his mind within seconds. « i just saw y/n, something felt off. maybe you should check on them ? ».

sakusa felt a wave of guilt descend upon of him. of course he should. it was his fucking job to offer you his help, even when he thought you didn’t need it. and especially when he knew what you had already been through. he cursed himself all the way to your house, where he could only imagine how lonely you felt. not wanting to waste any more time, he pulled out his phone to call you. and heaved a relieved sigh at the sound of your voice : « hey, are you ok ? like, right now are you doing ok ? » he asked hastily. 

you sat on your bed and rubbed your strained eyes, fiddling with the cloth of your t-shirt. « i- yeah, i’m good… » you lied. « i’m at your door, open up please, i gotta see you » he said before hanging up.

you knew sakusa was not going to take no for an answer. so, after wiping your tears and putting on a long-sleeved hoodie and sweatpants, you went to open the door. 

« hi… » you uttered quietly. sakusa didn’t dare to move. he had been so determined to get to your house, but now that you were standing in front of him, he wasn’t so sure of what he was supposed to do.

you decided to be the first to break the silence,  « i’m okay. and i’m sorr… » « sorry. about everything. » he pre-empted you. seeing you like this made him fear the worst. so he gently grabbed your wrists like he wanted to hold your hands, when in reality he just wanted to confirm his thoughts. and when he saw you stiffen at his touch, he knew he had guessed right. « come here » he whispered before going in for a hug. but you pulled away at the last second. « can we… go to my room ? i- i feel better there » you asked timidly.

he didn’t even answer and simply wrapped his arm around your shoulder before taking you to your bedroom where you immediately curled up on your bed. you didn’t want sakusa to see you like this, but you were in no position to fight back anymore. quietly, he laid beside you and pulled you in a warm embrace, just tight enough to let you know that he got you now. 

when he noticed you were trying to find something to say, to explain yourself, he shushed you with a kiss on your shoulder. « you don’t have to speak if you don’t want to. but i want you to listen to me very carefully : don’t ever think that you’re back to square one now. you’ve dealt with this before, you’ve grown and you can do it again as long as you promise yourself to get back up. and i won’t leave your side. you deserve so much more than what you give yourself, and i’m here to remind you »

⇀ 𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐚

tsukishima’s pride was important to him, everyone knew it. the only thing he valued as much as his pride was probably you. but during your arguments, the scale always tipped in his pride’s favor, you simply could not compete.

but surprisingly enough, it was you who had told him to go away after getting in the most heated argument you had ever had. and he didn’t have to be told twice : you had shattered his beloved pride, and he was not going to stay here begging for your mercy.

he still loved you, but he also had no problem ignoring you at school. yet for some reason, this argument didn’t sit well with him. well, no arguments ever sat well with him, but today felt different. 

ignoring you was one of the most hurtful things tsukishima could ever do to you. he had helped you through so much, and suddenly becoming a stranger to him was slowly bringing you back down.

« it’s just one time, i won’t relapse » you thought the first time you tried to cope with the pain the way you used to. but you feared it wouldn’t be just one time. you were diving into what you had said goodbye to ; but now that tsukishima was ignoring you, there was no one to stop you from falling, right ? 

well, that would have been true if he hadn’t kept a discreet but attentive eye on you. which is why he knew very well that you had gone back to your old habits. and he needed to do something about it.

but he wasn’t good with words, and he feared that actions would not be enough this time. he needed something more permanent, something that you could keep with you all the time. so he decided to do something he had never done before, and gave it to you as soon as it was done…

receiving a letter from tsukishima was definitely not something you expected. but what was written in it was even less expected.

« i’m not the best at this kind of stuff, but… i really need you to stop being so hard on yourself. i know it’s not something i usually say, but i fell in love with you because i learned to love your imperfections. and you have to start doing the same about yourself. please. and if you need to be held, to be listened to, i’ll be there. but i wanted to write something because i want you to be able to read this as much as you need, as much as you want. i want you to get better, but even more than that, i want you to want to get better. you can do it, i believe in you more than you can think. please come to me if you need it. i love you ».

the tears that streamed down your face had a salty taste, but for the first time in a long time, they tasted like hope as well. and the next time you came face to face with yourself and your thoughts, your eyes found find their way back to the letter, and you knew that there were people that still believed in you, counted on you, loved you. tsukki was just the first one of a long list. (<3)

⇀ 𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮

he had been there through everything. more than you would have imagined. which is probably why you felt desperately empty ever since he got so angry at you that he left without looking back. but at the time, it simply had not crossed his mind that you would suffer so deeply from his words.

but you did. a lot. and that was the reason you found yourself crying on your bedroom floor, not even able to be mad at anyone but yourself.

still oblivious to the true damage, atsumu thought he could get back to you by pretending like nothing had happened. he often did that because, to him, what was in the past belonged in the past. except that today, and in your situation, it could not work.

« wanna grab something to eat ? » was the first text he sent you. and you didn’t feel like answering, so you didn’t. « are you still mad ? i’m not <3 » was the second one. but you still didn’t feel like answering. maybe it was your fault ? maybe you were overreacting while you were just supposed to play it cool like he did ? but you would have played it cool if you knew how to.

when atsumu decided to go to your house, it was initially to apologize in person. he had not planned on seeing you looking the way you did, which was a heart-wrenching reminder of the dark period of time you had gotten through together. but here he was, standing in front of you, feeling more helpless than ever. he knew too well the look into your eyes, one that he hadn’t seen in a long time. 

he dropped the pack of snacks he was holding in his hands before cupping your cheeks. « oh no, no, no. i fucked up, didn’t i ? i am… so so so sorry. c-can you forgive me ? » he stammered, absolute panic in his eyes as he took you in his arms. why would i have to forgive you ? you thought. i’m the only one to blame. 

but atsumu seemed to also hear the things you didn’t say, and he refused to let you feel guilty for anything. ever so gently, he took your hands in his before placing the softest kisses on your wrists that were still covered by the sleeves of your hoodie. « i probably won’t ever forgive myself for leaving you alone. but promise me you’ll always come to me if you need help, or any kind of support, hugs, kisses… you name it. i’ll be your coping mechanism, and i’ll be the best you’ve ever had »

and he kept holding you for a long time, at least until he felt your breath become steady again. and if you thought atsumu was doting before, prepare yourself to be even more amazed now.

⇀ 𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮

fighting with osamu was not frequent, fortunately. but when fights occured, it was bad. really bad. he tended to think that you could endure as much as atsumu when it came to harsh words ; but you couldn’t.

kind of like his brother, samu had a tendency to leave the past behind and pretend like nothing happened when he got in touch with you after a fight. and that’s what he did a week ago, after one of the biggest arguments that you had ever had.

too happy that he seemed to still want to be your boyfriend, you didn’t have the courage to tell him how you had gone back to your old habits during the time you were on bad terms. but as they said, old habits died hard, and your destructive thoughts were still very present even when things seemed to have gotten back to normal.

yet samu was not blind, and he noticed that you were acting a bit more distant since last week, since your fight. but he still thought that your problems could be solved by just keeping on pretending like everything was ok. and eventually, things would turn out ok by themselves, right ?

you were laying on his bed, turned on your side as you scrolled on your phone. usually you would have had an arm swung around him, but you didn’t want to take any risk, so you kept your distances. 

« hey, come closer baby. we’ve barely cuddled today » he told you before lazily wrapping his arm around your waist.

feeling nervous, you swallowed the lump in your throat before putting your phone on the nightstand. « i’m going to sleep, samu », you said, stretching your arm to turn off the light.

but he was quicker than you and gently grabbed your arm, careful not to apply any pressure on it. his eyes widened, he had barely seen your wrist but it had been enough to notice that the scars were recent. he put two and two together and looked at you dead in the eyes ; you looked ashamed, and it broke his heart. « when did y- was it because of me ? » he asked, his voice faintly shaking. you pulled away from his hand and held your arm against you, sinking in the pillow. « no, of course not. it’s nothing » you breathed out, looking away to avoid his gaze. but he was quick to make you face him again, with a slight pressure of his fingertips on your red cheeks. « there’s only one thing that i hate more than seeing you in pain. it’s knowing that i caused this pain. let me help you, y/n. please. you deserve to feel better. i’m sorry i didn’t give you as much love as you gave me. and i’m sorry for behaving like an asshole when you needed me. just… fuck, i just love you ».

tears started prickling the corner of your eyes, but he saw you trying to hold them back. with the most gentle look in his eyes, he proposed to turn off the light if it made you feel better. and you nodded ; you knew that you’d eventually had to have a face-to-face conversation with him. it was the only way to get better. but right now you just wanted to be held without thinking about what he’d see. or wouldn’t see.

so he turned off the light and let yourself get comfortable in bed before wrapping you in his embrace once again. his soft breath against your neck was obviously not enough to make all your pain magically go away, but it let you know that he had your back. and it was all that mattered.

⇀ 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮

« i don’t want to do this anymore, y/n ! » tendou had yelled, making this sentence the peak of your argument. six words, and they were on replay in your minds since four days. you couldn’t believe that almost two years of relationship had ended so abruptly. but you had to face the truth : tendou had enough of you. and obviously you linked that to the turbulent start of your relationship. you knew it hadn’t been easy for him to deal with your self harm when you had just started dating. yet he had managed to make you feel so much better that you had been sober for about a year, all thanks to him. but maybe you hadn’t been grateful enough ? maybe that was why he had decided to end things now ?

the only thing you knew for sure was that he was gone, and you felt like you had lost your anchor.

you had spent the weekend in your dorm, and it had been a painful weekend. so painful that you did not get out of bed on monday morning ; it was just too much to handle. deep down you knew that you were not handling your problems the right way… and escaping reality was not viable.

but little did you know that tendou wanted nothing more than to see you again in the hallways and finally have a heart-to-heart conversation with you. and when he didn’t see you in class, he started to freak out. he knew how it was to feel alone and rejected ; and he started to fear that he had caused you to feel exactly that. so he did not follow his friends to the cafeteria at lunch and headed to your dorm instead, hoping that you’d open the door.

and you did. thank god you did. but panic started bubbling in his chest when his eyes laid on your face.

« alright, come here » he told you with a forced smile before pulling you in his embrace. truthfully, he didn’t feel like smiling, but he knew that the last thing you needed was to think you made him feel bad. when he was with you, his main goal was to cheer you up, he’d deal with himself later. « angel… did you do it again ? » he asked, his tone being the furthest thing from judgmental. you muttered a quiet apology, your face buried in his white uniform jacket. but something lingered on your mind. angel ? it sounded right, but you knew it wasn’t. not anymore. « don’t apologize ! the only person you owe an apology to is yourself » he whispered against your ear. slowly, he put his hands on your waist before bringing you to your bed where he sat right next to you, still refusing to take his hands off of your body.

 « tendou, you don’t have to do this… » you muttered, knowing that you weren’t supposed to be this close anymore. « i’m your ex, you don’t owe me anything ».

he immediately looked down to meet your eyes, an eyebrow raised in confusion. « your ex ? wh- you think i broke up with you ? y/n, when i said that i didn’t want to do this anymore, i was talking about fighting with you ! i’m sorry, i should have texted you these last few days, but i thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me »

a tear rolled down your cheek. tendou’s words sounded like heaven right now. maybe you weren’t alone after all ?

« now, do you need me to get you something ? band-aids ? anything ? » he asked, caressing your hair with his right hand. you nodded your head no and kept your head buried in his neck, like you were waiting for his scent to go to your head. « i know you’ve been through a lot, and i’m proud of you no matter what. but, you know… even though i have enough love for the both of us, i’d really want you to have enough love for yourself » he said and placed a kiss on top of your head, waiting for you to say something. but he sensed that you were not ready yet. and he was ok with that, the last thing he wanted to do was to pressure you. it was going to be a long path, but you had already done it, and you were going to do it again. and he’d be there the whole time.

ok so if you’ve read until there it probably means that you needed comfort (i hope i have given you enough) : so if you are in this situation yourself, PLEASE don’t be afraid to ask for help, you can and you will get better. i’m rooting for you like saeko roots for karasuno ❤️️

@toworuu (didn’t forget about you ^^)

[wooahaes]

Aahh! Thanks so much for replying to me, it was super helpful! I really appreciate how in-depth it was too. I shall try reblogging something now (v excited hehe). Can I be bold and ask for any writer recs? I've seen you talk about June and Ursa alot, so I'll make sure to check them out! (You prob have it somewhere, but it's 2am and I need sleep haha) I don't mind getting assigned a random emoji (I'm far too indecisive to pick one tbh haha). I hope your tummy feels better! Thanks so much again!!

sorry to everyone im about to @ in this post sfdkhsdf BUT

(also i saw ur first reblog and sdkfhd anon ur SO cute!! i recommend finding a profile pic somewhere and changing it so ppl don't block you while assuming you're a bot!!)

ok so all of these ppl write for svt and i believe also write for other groups? i'm mainly going by svt writers who ik have posted fics before!! i'm so sorry in advance bc i know i'm leave some ppl off btw just bc i don't want this post to get super long :(

even tho you said you've seen me talk about june and ursa, i'll @ them here again so you can find their blogs

although june i don't think has written anything (yet), she tags everything she reblogs/recs over at @junhui-recs so v good source to find writers <3!! i trust a lot of june's taste tbh + she's just a lovely person to interact with in general <3

ursa @thepixelelf is also a lovely person and writer and i fully suggest checking out her social media AUs if that's your thing!! they're super inclusive (gn!reader, no ulzzangs, generally ursa's writing has no reference toward reader's appearance too tbh!!) and honestly ursa is rly funny <3 love u ursa

i also recommend livvie @husbandhannie <3 livvie has very comforting writing that feels like home + she's so good about tagging things so if you need to avoid a certain topic, you most likely will (and if u dont, she absolutely does not bite and will add a trigger warning if you let her know)

(which btw i think every single person on this list is pretty solid about tagging things and open to being corrected if they leave something out!!)

sol @leejungchans also has popped up a few times on my blog i believe! sol is super duper nice and also has super cozy writing <3

aria @joshuas also has some lovely svt fics on her blog!! + aria is a huge sweetie as well (literally everyone i rec here is super nice)

elv @dokyeomblr is also a very very lovely person (mwah) who writes for multiple groups!!! one day i will go back through her masterlist n reblog when i have the brain cell to fully write out the tags she deserves <3

i don't think i've ever interacted with @suhnshinehaos aside from reblogging her renjun smau, but i like her sense of humor a lot <3 (also v inclusive smaus!!)

uhh i also don't think i've interacted with @blossom-hwa often but she seems cool and i also like her writing (i reblogged a hoshi fic from her once that i enjoyed!! + i believe she writes for both skz and golcha and being a golcha fan automatically makes u cool in my book tbh)

i will cap my list there but there are sooo many good writers out there tbh !!! i think almost everyone here i've interacted with (but even if i haven't, maybe one dayyy after i stop being hindered by anxiety lmao) but they're all super nice to people in my experience! :)

i also have a fic rec tag where i've reblogged from writers that are and aren't listed here!!

also goodnight anon <3 btw i hope 🍧 is fine with you? i can absolutely change it if you want! i just think its a cute emoji and ur cute n also sweet like shave ice is (esp on a hot day... i am so tired of summer weather)

[lilbeaniebro]

my issue with pinterest

i hate that pinterest is still a social media, and i forget it too!

like there’s still shitty pins made by bad ppl, still arguments going on in the comment sections and i’m like oh i’ll just avoid it but social media is made so you can’t stop scrolling, sometimes (actually a lot of the time) i go into rabbit holes just scrolling and going on the next pin

i hate it so much, pinterest is my favourite app and it is better than most of them (toxicity-wise) but it’s still bad for me. i find things that make me feel like shit or bad abt myself or mad for others or mad for myself or just plain stupid 

ig there’s no healthy way to engage with social media, there’s always gonna be ppl or posts that make you feel bad so you either get used to it or stop using it 

i wish it was just the media without the social, like i love the comments and pinterest has been the only safe space for me to actually share my opinion but i wish they weren’t there.. though there would still be those bad posts..

hmm, idk like i said before there’s really just no way to use it healthily, like yea for the most part it’s safe and you only see stuff you like but if you stray a little too far you could see something that you wish you didn't see 

though that also brings up the topic of shelteredness, is it bad to not want to see those things? obviously not especially if they trigger you (trust me i’ve seen some actually triggering stuff if it came across the wrong person) but overall is it important to see those things? to learn from it? to grow from it?

i suppose but it’s also important to set boundaries, acknowledge your triggers and be like ok that post made me feel really bad and i don’t want to see it again what are some actions i can take to ensure that it won’t happen as frequent?

hmm, idk, what are some actions?... maybe blocking people? hiding the posts? though you still see and interact with the posts and the people.. hmm, set a timer? ik no one likes that but maybe it’ll help? maybe stepping back and asking yourself why did that trigger me? did you see yourself in that post?

.. yea, i did. it’s hard, being different. i act as though i don’t care bc i’ve seen bigotry towards all these type of people my whole life but it’s just hard that there’s ppl out there that hate you, hate your existence, want to exploit you, don’t respect you, want to take advantage of you

and yea i’m scared for myself but i’m more worried for others, i see others letting themselves (not letting per se but more so falling into the trap) be taken advantage of or be treated as less just to be loved or to have attention and i get it, it justs hurts me so much knowing that there’s ppl out there that laugh at the fact that they can so easily manipulate others and use them as they please, they see absolutely no issue with it, they deserve to have their needs meet right? 

ppl love to go on abt how progressive we are but it doesn’t feel like it, maybe it is.. but i feel like the more open and accepting we be to others and the more hate the other side spews 

like are these issues ever gonna go away? i guess not, sometimes i feel hate towards certain groups are so deeply rooted in their dna 

but ykw what can you do abt it? nothing, sure you can change a person’s perspective but there’s still a bunch of others after that and you’re just not able to some people’s views, and there may be something to do abt that but sometimes you just got to take a step back and be like this is a really big issue and one day we will conquer it but for now you have to acknowledge that you’re just one person, one person stuck in this sea of hate, humans weren’t meant to deal with this but we do now, all you can do is make sure you’re okay, take control of the things you can control, control your emotions, your responses, the way you present yourself, the way you talk to others, the way you treat yourself

we are in a game that is made to exhaust us over and over and over again, you’re so focused on surviving the day that you don’t focus on the bigger picture, how could you? so the least you could do is show yourself the respect and care you deserve, obviously it’s hard, i’m preaching all this but i don’t even take care of myself, i’ll get better one day and so will you

so um that concludes my rant turned therapy session turned inspirational talk, thanks for reading through all this, take care of yourself, drink water, eat something, take a shower, go on a walk, avoid social media as much as you can, and even if you do one thing that’s okay, that’s one thing you got done

bye 

[elysianslove]

cheering you up ; haikyuu boys

synopsis; different ways the haikyuu boys care for you and cheer you up when you’re sad

pairings; karasuno x reader, nekoma x reader, aoba johsai x reader, fukurodani x reader, shiratorizawa x reader, inarizaki x reader

genre; fluff

warnings; none probably a bunch of mistakes lmfao

note; i had to repost this like 3 times rip. anyways, im sorry for not adding inarizaki on my last one jbshds but they’re here now!!

karasuno ━━

sugawara koshi; i definitely think he's so in tune with you, and your emotions. he learns your cues very well, and knows every little thing about you that there is to learn. if you're having a bad day, he'll notice right away. he won't comment on it though. all he'll do is these little things to try to cheer you up, but it's going to be very subtle. he'll let u rest ur head on his shoulder, run his fingers through ur hair. he'll sneakily buy u ur favorite snack. doesn't bring anything up until you do. ends the day with cuddles and a chick flick.

sawamura daichi; he notices but he doesn't really know how to react. not because he doesn't know what to do, but because he doesn't want to trigger you or deepen your sadness in any way. he's very careful with you. if it's something throughout the day, he's very quiet and tender with you, just silently lets you rest your head against his chest and rubs your back/arm tenderly. as you're walking home he asks if you want to talk about it, and reminds you that it's good to, but it's also okay if you don't want to.

nishinoya yuu; not a single sad moment with mr noya here. seriously you cannot breathe. ok but in all honesty, when you're sad. he's sad. sends you memes, and you'll be laughing at them with tears streaming down your face because you don't really know what you're feeling anymore. he does a lot of tiktok trends with you, any of the couple ones. grabs your faces and ,,, smooch all over. until you have no choice but to laugh. if you want to cry even more, he'll watch the notebook and the vow a thousand times over, and be a sobbing mess next to you. just don't tell the guys okay? <3

kageyama tobio; he's so.   bad. at this please help him. like he can tell ur sad, bc he's v good at reading people. but like. what the fuck is he supposed to do. anyways. when u two get to be alone and he kinda notices how quiet you are, he just nudges you slightly, and pulls you to him. it's easier to talk to you, he's calmer, when he can't directly look at you. when he feels you start to shake in his arms, feels the wet tears down your cheeks as you start to sob in his arms, his heart kinda breaks. all he can do is hold you, but it's what you need. and he'll listen too, if that's what you need as well.

tsukishima kei; i think he notices, but doesn't bring it up at all. the way he goes about it is he'll tease you to try and bring a smile on your face. because this is tsukki, and you know him well enough, you know the truth behind his jabs, enough to appreciate them. if it doesn't work, he'll just start to make fun of people in front of you, pointing random people out with you and just being like "wanna bet on what's making their relationship fall apart" this sadist i stg. like suga, he subtly makes you feel better until you yourself approach him about whatever's upsetting. actually gives 10/10 advice bc he's v honest.

asahi azumane; he's so empathetic oh my god bruh. notices immediately. "baby what's got u so upset" w a big pout on his face and when u just mumble "nothin" so low he barely catches it and instead throw yourself into his arms, he gives you a big, certified asahi bear hug. doesn't leave your side at all. constantly mutters sweet nothings and encouragements. if you do the bare minimum like make it through class he'll meet you after and be all "im so proud of my pretty baby". cuddles all day. all night. he's not very good at advice but he is the best listener !!! so attentive and you'll feel a huge weight lifted.

tanaka ryunosuke; "aight who do i need to jump" type beat. u love him so much though. that one sentence and sentiment already has you feeling better. immediately hugs you so tight, borderline suffocating you. "wanna ditch school". 100% willing to do so. he doesn't really know whether to approach it with distracting you or facing the obstacle head-on, but he finds a middle ground. eats your feelings out with you. saeko pulls out the embarrassing ryu pictures and suddenly you don't know why you were ever sad.

hinata shoyo; is really oblivious for a bit tbh. when he first meets you at the start of the day and his hyperactive self is greeted by your duller, sadder self, he doesn't think much of it. it's when you don't react to him or interact with him the way you usually would that he starts to notice you being off. he's actually super straightforward about it, and approaches you with some of your favorite snack that he bribed ukai to give him for free and just "wanna tell me whats up, baby?" he's so, so easy to talk to. immediately you're venting. and he listens to intently, gives stupidly good advice. it's like such simple approaches to your problem but?? it works. anyways you love him.

yamaguchi tadashi; will be super worried about what he could do to make it better, and kinda just tries to feed you as much positive energy as he can. once he's comfortable with people, he becomes really chatty, so i see him talking your ear off with the biggest smile on his face that you have no choice but to kind of ? mimic it? he just radiates goodness and sweetness that it shifts your own energy. he on some witchcraft shit on god. anyways when he walks you home or something, he'll just stop for a min and avoid your eyes when he says "ik u dont feel the best, but i dont want you to have to hide that from me, okay?" stan tadashi <3

nekoma ━━

kuroo tetsurō; drops everything. i mean it. i genuinely think kuroo would be such a good boyfriend that he'll sense it and text u as ur getting ready for school and be like "are u sad i feel like ur sad". you dont really wanna worry him and you'll just reassure him ur fine but he's already at your front door in — not his school uniform. insists the two of you take the day off saying "its fine babe im super smart". you two will spend the whole day just simply existing, talking when needed, he listens to you if you vent, and tries to come up with as many options of solutions for you so you don't feel weighed down. he'll make sure you eat even if you don't have an appetite, and will try to make u do something productive bc in a lotta cases, it could help you feel a lil better yk :)

kozume kenma; i pretend i do not see it — kozume kenma (2020). jbwjwks im jk. he's like tsukki in the sense that he will never address it, and he doesn't outwardly approach you about it. if it's just an off day for you, and you also happen to not have school, you'll go over to his house, hoping to feel a little bit better when you see him. "can i have a kiss, sunshine" to which he responds "why." you just go "im sad" and he gives u a big smooch. he'll have you lay on his lap while he plays his games, occasionally just sneaking in a peak at you to make sure you're okay. he'll ask if you wanna play to get your mind off things for a while. eventually, when things wind down a bit, he'll just mutter "yk i love you, yeah?" and that lights up your world hehe

haiba lev; as soon as he notices you're sad he just ☹️. he picks out a small flower and as soon as he sees you, he just tucks it by your ear, and smile so brightly and youll just be like "oh my god lev please stop being so cute". he won't really know what to do tbh, but the way he's so lost makes it so heartwarming and it honestly cheers you up all on its own. he just. "would a kiss make it better" and if you nod he'll just start kissing all over your face so softly, until he finally kisses your lips. when he pulls away he asks "again?" with a cute smile and if you nod he'll just kiss you over and over again. very simple way of cheering you up, and very foolproof tbh.

yaku morisuke; i think throughout the day, he might pester you a little bit about telling him what was wrong, but after you keep insisting you're fine, he relents, and decides that maybe giving you your own time and space to open up to him is better. he tries not to act differently in that sense, but he finds himself being a little more soft spoken, and gentler with you. i just had this image flash in my brain of you resting your head on a desk, head turned to the right, and then yaku comes and sits to your right, putting his head on the desk and facing you. and just. "hi :)" your heart melts. he kisses your forehead softly and tells you you're wonderful, in case you've forgotten. if, or when, you do open up to him, he'll be very eager to listen, and ready to fight off whoever upset you.

yamamoto taketora; this man is angry. like properly. "who the FUCK put a frown on my baby's face. speak the fuck up. i won't hurt you. ill just mutilate you." if you tell him that it's no one, and that you're just upset, he'll be so confused but he'll just nod and be like "okay. okay. do you want a hug?" and he'll hug you so tight. he'll admit that he doesn't like seeing you like this, and that he'll do anything to make it better. at first he's very cautious, but then he just lightbulb moment and as soon as you get home he'll be like "karaoke night babyyyyy" and then. no more sad.

aoba johsai ━━

oikawa tōru; very. perceptive. he greets you normally, even if he notices something's off, because he won't want to worsen anything. you meet him right before he has practice after school, and he'll just cup your face, lifting them to brush at your hair, and you just sigh. "my baby's had a long day, yeah?" he'll be very gentle and careful with you, i'm sure. he gives you a kiss, smiling softly into it, and reassuring you that you're much too strong to let a single bad day destroy you like this. he meets you later that night with a lotta ice cream and you two just binge watch any reality show you could find, shit talking the actors together. he himself is terrible at talking about his feelings this dumbass >:( so he understands if you don't want to yk? will encourage u to vent it out though. expect terrible, makes no sense advice

iwaizumi hajime; he kinda like. gets mad? when you continue to be upset and not speak about it? he's not mad at you! he's just. mad. this is iwa okay. anyways. he won't bring it up mostly, only being slightly more affectionate, especially in his hand holding, which is super gentle already as it is. when he invites you over, that's when he actually starts to talk to you about it. he lets you know that there's nothing worse than seeing you like this and not knowing what to do, and that he wants you to be able to talk to him. about anything. even if you think it's stupid. he'll listen, and tell you that it's not stupid if it's making you upset. he cooks for you <33333 then bakes with you <33333 you feel a lot lighter at the end of the night tbh

hanamaki takahiro; (he's so annoying i love him). as soon as he sees you upset he makes it his mission throughout the day to cheer you up in any possible way. spams your phone while you're class with ten thousand wholesome memes. sends you pick up lines. when he meets you in between classes he just yells out "how's my favorite person in the entire world!" and kisses you so wholly in the middle of the school hallway lmfao. while he's walking you home, takes a longer route and purposely, he passes by your favorite store/bakery/ice cream parlor. buys u ur favorite, and pretends to be shocked when you give him a piece. late at night, he'll facetime you, wondering how you're feeling, asking if you needed to talk about it. whether you do or you don't, you two will fall asleep facetiming.

matsukawa issei; the minute he sees you he's like "whats wrong". no hi or anything. he has like this frown on his face, which seems off bc it's rare to see a frown on issei's face, and he just tucks your chin in his palm gently and stares at your pout. "you good, baby?" he can tell you're not, but he wants you to be able to tell him on your own. sticks by your side the entire day, and nobody really mentions it. he talks to you as if it were a normal day, but his voice has a softer edge. he's not distracting you, per se. he's more, talking to fill the space while giving you your own space to think. once you're alone, he'll just drag you to the nearest comfy surface, flop down, and pull you on top of him. if you even try to resist or ask whats going on he'll just "nap and cuddles first." and when u sleep a lil bit of ur sadness away, he'll just let you talk it out as he continues to hold you <333

fukurodani ━━

bokuto kōtarō; just as empathetic as asahi, if not more. he really does feel it all with you. yk sympathy pains that partners get when women get contractions? bokuto is that partner. with bokuto, i feel like he'd never make you feel like you couldn't just straight up text him "im sad" and feel bad about it. if you ever do that, he'll immediately call, not even bothering with a text. if he can't come over, he stays with you until you've cried your heart out and then laughing until you can't breathe. if he can go over, he smothers you with love. repeatedly says "you know i love you, yeah? you know how grateful i am for you?" and in between kisses "im so lucky. so, so lucky."

akaashi keiji; i feel like as soon as akaashi notices you're down, or you're slightly off, he just grabs your hand and squeezes, forcing you to stop spacing out and focus on him for a second. if you're with a lot of people around you, he'll lean close to you and ask if you wanna go home. he'll be so soft and gentle and understanding, making up some excuse on the spot on why the two of you have to leave. if you're alone, he'll grab your hand and kind of tug you towards him, silently asking you to come into his arms, where you yourself know you feel safest. as soon as you're in the comfort of your home together, he'll like run you a bath and slip into it with you, just holding you until the water grows cold and the droplets on your skin are from your own tears. he'll wait it out, just holding you as reassurance, then make sure nothing's stopping you from spilling everything to him.

konoha akinori; when he first notices, he kinda deflates. like. who would wanna see their s/o like that? his smile is gentler when he greets you, and he's so soft with you. he grabs a pen and lifts your palm up, quickly scribbling down in his unique handwriting "i love you :) <3" on your skin, whispering for you not to wash it off until the end of the day. it is weirdly motivating tbh. as soon as the two of you are alone, he says it to you, face to face, an expected look on his face as if to ask "you know that, yeah?". puts on a movie to tune out the rest of the world, and holds you close to him as it drags on. he'll give advice if you're asking for it, but he's a better listener than anything else.

shiratorizawa ━━

ushijima wakatoshi; does not notice. in all honesty, he expects you to approach him whenever you have an issue or if you're upset. he's kinda like ? so confused when you're so down and really unresponsive, until he starts to notice how touchy you are. like you're leaning more into his touch, holding onto his hand like it's your lifeline, stealing his vbc jacket because it smells like him. is very straightforward, and will just ask you if you're okay as he walks/drives you home. kinda just stops in front of your house and presses a kiss to your forehead, then pulling you into a hug. "please don't be upset." he won't tell you that it kills him, but you can sense the unsaid words. he urges you to keep his jacket when he notices how safe it makes you feel. greets you the next morning with a new cactus in a pot hehe.

semi eita; is very cuddly once he notices. you'll sit at a table in school and he'll be sitting next to you, but he just pulls you into him and lets you rest your head on his chest, mumbling softly into your hair "i know you're sad and it's okay." he doesn't say anything else, just holds you there with a few kisses in between until he has to let go. late at night, if your thoughts are still keeping you up, he'll be up too, worrying, and will text you at 3 am if u wanna sneak out to meet him. takes you to the park and lays on the grass with you, picking out stars and constellations in the sky, with a soft soundtrack playing from his phone next to the two of you. he makes you feel secure enough to be sad even if you have all the blessings in the world, and makes sure you know that he'll always be there for you, even at 3 in the morning.

satori tendō; cheers you up by making you forget literally everything. replaces the sadness in your brain with just pure serotonin in any way he can think of. he'll take you to an amusement park, get ice cream with you, take you to the carnival in town, to the park, to the beach, to the pool, take you up to his house's rooftop. literally anything. and then he'll say something like "life's too short to spend it being sad over anything, darling." he's so understanding, and if you're frustrated or something he'll tell you to let it out by like wrestling him or some shit. exhausts you so much and you're filled to the brim with dopamine. he makes sure you're always happy, never seeing a dull moment in your relationship with him.

goshiki tsutomu; freaks out. plain and simple lmfao. but once he like grounds himself, he just softly comes up to you and asks you if you wanna talk about it, or if there's anything he can do. if yes, he'll break his leg running to go do it. if no, he'll just sit with you in silence, leaning over to hold your hand, talking to you about volleyball and his aspirations and how well he's improving. he's better at distracting you than helping you face your issues, mainly because he stresses out about giving the wrong advice or somehow making you sadder. he'll take a lot of pictures of you together on snapchat random filters to try and cheer you up, then later on in the night he'll send them to you and be like "look how cute we are ugh what a power couple" i love this dorkhabsjsks

shirabu kenjirō; i think he definitely notices, but keeps it to himself. he’d maybe think he’s imagining things and that you’re okay, so he’d go about his day normally. he doesn’t see you after school, and that’s when he puts two and two together and realizes yeah maybe you are sad. so he texts you, and texts you, and texts you, and gets no reply, so he just. comes over. unannounced. uninvited. just straight vibes. he’s already ordered your favorite take out, and already settling in bed with you under the cover with the lights dimmed and some chick flick playing in the background. gives the b e s t advice because he’s so blunt. like he will tell you if you’re overreacting, but you’re still his s/o, so he’d like wince as he says it. that’s all the sympathy you’re getting <3 but his bluntness will shock you into laughing hehe

inarizaki ━━

miya atsumu; usually, with atsumu, you’re always experiencing loud days. your relationship is all fun and flirty and suave and cool. but when he notices you’re sad, he goes quiet. like. eerily so. immediately pulls you aside somewhere private if you’re at a public place like school or something, and with his hands in yours he asks you if you’re okay. yk that thing where ur on the verge of tears and someone asks you if you’re okay and you just burst. yeah <3. his heart absolutely breaks and he just pulls you into a hug, resting your head on his chest and wrapping his arms around your neck. he just holds you there, even if you’re missing class/your friends are worried. he’ll stay with you until your tears have dried up, until you yourself let go.

miya osamu; i don’t see osamu as someone that loves pda. i feel like he’d be a more lowkey kinda guy. but if you’re sad, that gets thrown out the window. he doesn’t really in the moment, and won’t think too much when he pulls you close to his side and just wraps an arm around your waist/shoulder. yeah he’ll get looks but he can feel you trembling and shaking from holding back tears so yk, priorities. he’ll definitely stress eat with you. takes you literally anywhere and feeds you as you rant to him with tears streaming down your face and he’s just nodding sympathetically as he stuffs your mouth one bite after the other. romance is beautiful

suna rinatarō; when he notices you’re sad, his first response is alright what the fuck who messed up. he immediately blames someone else, and if he’s right, he’ll only get really agitated. just giving everyone the side eye from where you can’t see as he walks the two of you, your hand in his tight. if it’s not someone specific, he’ll just hum thoughtfully and then nod, before pulling you away somewhere private and just sitting you down and saying “talk.” very, very good listener. i can’t stress this enough. as you’re speaking he’s already thinking of a million different ways to help you solve your problem. walks with you as he traces your hands and just quietly tells you all the solutions.

aran ojiro; oh my god as a boyfriend he ticks all the boxes. he’s great at communicating, always satisfies your needs, is trustworthy and trusts you. the list goes on. immediately knows when you’re off/sad, and just smiles softly as he takes your hand, kissing your knuckles and saying, “let’s go home, yeah?” at home, he makes you some calming tea, probably pulls out some cookies or brownies or biscuits (that HE made but we’re not gonna get into that) and just listens as you talk, whether it’s about why you’re sad or just in general. gives you honest advice, but also a lil biased bc he loves you hehe <3

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

It is so weird that I don’t care much for the more popular characters in obey me (Mammon, Asmo, Levi and the twins) but then I fell in love with a background character and won’t shut up about it.

It’s unfair to the characters I know since shit that happened toke when I was younger affects my decisions and I’m skittish, I know it’s just a fake but sometimes how they act bothers me??

Like…I don’t see the appeal and it confuses me???

Like, Asmo bothers me with how flirty he is since I’m asexual and I hate physical contact, especially uninvited contact and that’s ALL he does. Not to mention he treats others kinda like objects and always is talking about himself and fishing for complements.

Mammon…he’s protective and cute, that’s it, he always goes on about how ‘stupid’ and ‘useless’ you are, I know he’s tsundere and it’s supposed to be like that but I don’t care for insults and in all honesty probably would have stopped talking to him after the first interaction given how he literally left us to fend for ourselves on the FIRST DAY. Also, I HATE having people touch my things without permission, and my objects tend to be important to me. So when he sells my shit, I’d honestly use my pact and order him to never come in my room again and to never so much as touch any of my things again. I honestly don’t care for the concept of greed bc personal trauma baby!

Levi…he’s cute and I’m fine with him being bad at social situations, but the insults…I’d definitely get upset and cry. I’d probably avoid him like the plague after the first time he called me a normie.

Beel…literally did nothing wrong I’m just not that attracted to him?? Not to mention the game…just keeps making him seem dumber???? Like he’s not an idiot but the game acts like he is and it confuses me??

Belphie I hate and always will for flat out being abusive physically and mentally. He literally justifies murder by saying he was just mad. I don’t give a shit if he apologized, he chose to murder mc in a violent way to get back at Diavolo. Then he things a ‘sort y’ undoes the damage? Honestly I hate him the most and he don’t even think he’s cute. He’s just?? A jerk?? To everone and because he’s the baby sibling it’s ‘ok’? Dude literally gets away with shit because he’s younger than the others and I hate that.

I literally get upset with a large chunk of the cast because of personal trauma they trigger. It’s not at all intentional and it’s not the characters or creators fault, I’m just generally upset because they remind me of people I’ve been hurt by and it’s stupid

I still love all the characters I’m just venting over stupid shit sorry