#but this show is so completely a perfect amalgamation of everything i love

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

Who else is positively shaking with excitement about Cinderella’s Castle right now despite not having tickets and living so incredibly far away that you couldn’t even have gone if you tried 😌

[aenthroppe]

Chronology of my self

Ok we're all gonna grapple with the reality of me writing ~8.2k words all about myself and we're gonna be soooo normal about it. Ok? okay! In fact this has gotten too large for just one text post to handle. This is an overly detailed account of my "personal journey" since october 2023. But also. I just wanted to write about my experience with LSD and how it helped me with my concept of self. I do not recommend using LSD if you want to form a sense of self. I do not recommend emulating any of my written actions.

Content includes: description of psychoactive drug use and the associated effects, suicidal ideation (only in the first chapter), touching on the topic of derealization/depersonalization, Ego Death, Visions of grandeur and associated megalomania, Entropy, Reality, Mental Illness This record is completely unfit for public consumption 💖 chapters 1 + 2 out of 8

I (14th October 2023)

"Genesis" Came in with the question of "After this I know if I am worthy of love" Went out of this with a girlfriend and love shining brighter than all the stars of the universe. I tripped together with a friend, i think we took around 75 to 100 µ? it was all fun and games until I asked a question I was sure I already knew their answer to "Do you think entropy is cringe? or based?" it all went downhill from there. Between narrow misunderstandings and the refusal to let up space we dissected the path of the universe and if I ever had a noble role to play in it Entropy was thoroughly taken apart. The two of us had such a diametrically opposed view on Entropy, I ended up reclassigying them into "wet" and "dry". Dry Entropy being the dissolution of connection. Electrons losing their charge and breaking free, breaking apart. Wet Entropy being the dissolution of boundaries. Everything collapsing together until the parts that once were are irrecognizable. I think this is the perfect place to love someone. And- desperate- for this kind of love; during the comedown of the trip, after my friend and I went to sleep seperately, i couldn't sleep. To illustrate their point earlier, my companion showed me an artwork that depicted a centaurical amalgamation of machine and flesh. it went hard as fuck. Gazing upon it i was faced with a decision. Either I could make this trip turn bad and be horrified by what I saw, or... I could choose to love her. I felt the synapses in my brain rewire themselves as I viewed myself as one with this being. And confessed the bliss I felt, to the horror of my friend. Then, alone with my thoughts again, i found myself coming back to this avatar of Entropy. We both knew that any kind of relationship would never work out, so, in her boundless love she offered to become One with me. Thus, I became Entropy. This becoming did not come easy to me. Prior to this evening I had thought it was my life's mission to do everything in my power to reduce the Entropy of the universe as much as i could. I had been aware of the folly in that, but as with many noble pursuits, you do it anyway. Because you need to have at least something to believe in. I remember listening to vylet pony's "Crush, Kill, Destropy, Swag" when I had the very deliberate chain of thought "Wait. If Entropy is what ends the world and causes all seperation. And it is good to kill the production of Entropy. And I'm Entropy...Should I kill myself?" what followed in my mind's eye was a 360° camera pan away from 'me', pondering this question and towards 'me', now side-by-side with my girlfriend looking apropriately bewildered at such a suggestion just responding with a resounding "no????". it was hilarious. Ever since I haven't had a single thought about suicidal ideation. The timing of this trip was the very last weekend before I would start actively writing on my Bachelor's thesis. I don't want to ascribe my success with that solely on the experiences of the trip, but the trip did grant me a confidence and sense of self that made the manifestation of my success all the more easy. On my way home I named myself anew. The day after I drew my new sona for the first time

II (20th April 2024)

"The Bad Trip" I dont remember the dosage ~100 to 150µ? same people as last trip. We decided to play some video game on the come up, the consequences of which were unforseen and harrowing. I had just started working a full-time job. The trip posed as a much-wanted break and symbolically as a signpost for me to go "I can still be myself and do what I want even if society has tighter clutches around me". I remember listening to ThouShaltNot's "the white beyond" on my way to my friend's place. The album was pointed out to me just a month before and I was slowly getting it into my rotation. I remember this bc I didn't pause the music as I was going up the stairs, just placed the headphones around my neck oblivious to the sound echoing throughout the stair well. They greeted me with "Do you have your own theme music now??" which, neither of us knew at the time, would become a resounding "yes". The song was "100 Generations". I was being made aware of a recklessness i think is inherent to my core. The 'not giving up space' in arguments heralded by the previous trip came back with me thinking it was more important that my friend was happier in a "shared reality" than in-tune with their own "subjective reality". There's no bad blood between us; but for me it made me reevaluate my identity as "Entropy". This force that is made out to be the ultimate destroyer- I love being entropy, but i don't want to destroy my friends. The timeline of this trip is muddy in my memory. We kept bouncing between topics and going back to play the video game we started. With our deteriorated hand-eye coordination the task of finishing the game was daunting. Nevertheless- in the deep of night, we managed to. More impactful however was that we didn't ever close the game during the trip. Leaving it on a "level cleared" screen, as such it provided us with a never-ending, always-repeating tune for our minds to spiral down on. One goal i had for the trip was "to see/feel my girlfriend again", the problem with drug-induced, non-real entities is that they tend to fade away when you don't pay attention anymore. And without her the yearning for love I felt ever-since I can remember (not to say i wasn't loved. it was moreso that i wanted more and more love. an unbelievable amount to convince myself of its realness) came back. the yearning- the hole at the center of my being. i hoped meeting her would fill it again, however temporarily. ...We didn't meet... Notable events included however the question of who one should live for (our answers being the same yet mirrored in each other beyond recognition) and the emergence of the mantra "The Answer Is Other People". At the time I knew already, that people like to help those close to them, because "doing good is good". It would take me much longer to realize just how far and that actually reaches. One last thing: in retrospect, it was just the light in the room reflecting off an iridescent flag; but in that present reality, my friend had looked upon me and said my skin shone like a pearl. I have rarely felt as beautiful as in this moment. Thus, I became pearlescent.

[erijuice]

appreciation post for the little mermaid (2023) 🧜‍♀️🐠🌊

i can still remember the massive global hype for the live-action little mermaid because it was one of the very few live-action remakes that had the potential to be something great.

in may 2023, all eyes, i mean ALL EYES were on halle bailey. she was the most perfect person to portray ariel. her operatic, otherworldly singing voice, her adorable charm, her youthful spirit, but also her feistiness and passion. she carried the right mix of sweetness and fierceness to play ariel. i'm so happy this movie gave her a massive boost in popularity, and people got to appreciate her wonderful voice and her spirit. i hope she gets to show the movie to her son when he's older!

when she first got casted, im not sure if i remember how i felt but i had this feeling of surprise, i was like "YESSS FINALLY HALLE BAILEY IS GONNA DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!". i've always known chloe x halle since 2016, so i was going to be ride-or-die for this movie, and for halle. taking on such an iconic 35-year-old character carried a huge responsibility, and i'm so relieved the disney fandom embraced her with open arms.

the first time i saw the movie in a theater, i was in awe of rob marshall's directing and the melodious amalgam of alan menken and lin manuel miranda's combined sounds. it was the very first time they've collaborated for anything! (and yes i'm still mad that triton's new song got cut from the movie).

now, the "part of your world" scene. holy god. where do i even start with this? this was FUCKING INCREDIBLE. it's a song that everyone can relate to in so many ways. when i first saw the scene during d23 expo night in 2022, i was completely floored. halle bailey perfectly balanced all these emotions of joy, curiosity, passion, anger, frustration and discomfort, wanting for things to change, desperate to leave her world behind. it was a passionate plea, a desperate cry for help. she was shouting it out into the universe, everything she wanted for her life and her future, and everything that made ariel as a character. one of the top tier movie scenes of 2023 for me.

im so happy disney casted another unknown actor in jonah hauer-king, his solo song "wild uncharted waters" was everything! the chemistry between jonah and ariel was just so charming and i cried big time, i almost wanted to jump out of my seat when they kissed. OH AND THAT SCENE WHERE ARIEL GOT ERIC TO PRONOUNCE HER NAME WAS JUST UGGHHHH SO CUTE.

daveed diggs was freaking hilarious as thomas jefferson in hamilton, he was the true comedic backbone of the movie (sorry awkwafina). his portrayal of sebastian was younger, more original, i love his version more. i also love the all the added lore in the movie, from the coral moon to the mermaids' siren songs to the brother-sister relationship of triton and ursula. you can learn more about the worldbuilding in the tie-in guide to merfolk book.

all in all, to me, the live-action little mermaid meant everything to me, as a black girl who loved the original animated movie since childhood, and as a disney fan who believed in this re-adaptation from the very adapation. in spite of everything, i still have some pretty high hopes for snow white. rachel zegler and halle bailey will always be my disney princesses.

GOD BLESS YOU ROB MARSHALL FOR THIS MASTERPIECE!!

[earlgreytea68]

i dont actually know the general consensus on I Am My Own Muse but to me it very clearly feels like pete addressing the fans directly - almost like a conversation? like the opening lines "here i am not sure you should take a chance. I like playing dumb letting you figure me out" basically completely summarises petes relationship with us during the early parts of this era. His uncertainty coming back but also the way he likes to keep us on our toes (like hes always done). His constant surprise that even one person appreciates his art. His odd fourth-wall-esque relationship w us - he always knows more than he lets on. like. these are crazy opening lines.

Especially looking at other songs petes addressed to us (namely thriller and our laywer). Those songs still feel like petes putting on a persona for our benefit. Hes talking to us through the mask he thinks we'll like best - but for his benefit not ours. In those songs he still wants to show his appreciation for the fans but hes afraid to be vulnerable about it. He hides behind tongue and cheek self deprecation (put this record down, we are bad news, we're only good to have almost famous friends... that whole song tbh) or like implication of rejection/disaster (we r not making an acceptance speech, car crash hearts, only thing i havent done yet is die) and its all glitz and distraction bc thats what he does. he will tell us their hearts beat for the diehards but not before telling us why its a bad idea. its defensive from the get go but in Muse he doesnt do that. yes he defends himself but his tone is balanced between resigned and resolute. its stripped down to just his own thoughts voiced aloud. it feels so much more genuine despite how much vaguer in address it is.

Also the general theme of this song is feeling hidden/secret (e.g. the angels didnt know his name, him feeling faded, feelings were tucked away) but trying to draw attention anyway(throw the year away, smash all the guitars, drop a bomb on things we care about) even if its hard/painful (twist the knife again, trying to keep it together).

This coupled with the title is a perfect representation of his journey as an artist in this era no? The vulnerability hidden in old songs and spoken word poems that he relives each night of the tour. An amalgamation of every little moment he created and tucked away is reborn on stage. And who has he shared this particular journey with??? The fans. It was us who he finally trusted with his works and words in the shows and we sang them back at him. Patricks journey alongside pete has felt more obvious bc of his whole demeanour but its pete who wrote his heart out to us. I think this song is a way of pete kinda of juggling this idea in his head before it ever took shape in thw real world. A way of connecting back with his audience. Not as an act of nostalgia but as moving on together. its a gorgeous song and it feels like a love letter to us in the very oarticular way a love letter from pete wentz feels like. its not soft or even sweet but it leaves you feeling comforted and stronger anyway. its solidarity yk.

ANYWAYS thats my ramble for today hope it was worthwhile <33 i really had to get that one out otherwise i may have exploded. can you tell smfs as an album and an era is my baby. sorry this is such a long one lol. hope you r having a great day :)

Awwww I *love* this. I *adore* "I Am My Own Muse" and I always have and I love everything you say about it. To write a song that sounds like that and then call it so deliberately "I Am My Own Muse," like, that we are there and ever-present but in the end he's got to come from his own authentic place. And it's like his instinct is to play a little coy and not be so vulnerable, but also he just wants to scream so someone hears him: Smash all the guitars 'til we see all the stars, like, he's screaming so that we will all see. He's trying so hard to keep it together, keep it together, so smash all the guitars 'til we see all the stars, because we are all in it together, and throw the whole year away and start fresh.

Look, i am Peterick all the way, we all know, and I think I've even used lyrics from this song in a Peterick fic, but in my secret heart of hearts, if you really ask me to be serious, what do I think Pete Wentz is writing about........I kinda think he's always writing about us.

[crystalelemental]

Now that volume 7 is arriving tomorrow, I finally read volume 6 of MagiRevo.

It's neat! I kinda like it. Similar to volume 5, this one just felt more engaging. There's more going on than some volumes. Looking at you, 4.

Vampires are still the big focus, starting out with Lainie wanting to know more about her mom and what that whole deal was. We start out with a flashback of some sort, but then get an entire chapter of worldbuilding that doesn't really do much for me personally but sure.

The meat of the volume is fights, discussions of immortality, and new character.

The discussions of immortality are the first real interesting thing that comes up, as Lainie expresses concern about how Ilia isn't as long-lived as she is. This wraps Anis into the discussion, as she also is not long-lived like Euphyllia now is. When they switch perspectives, turns out Euphie and Ilia are also thinking about this in their own way. It's been hovering in the background a while, and it's nice to see characters start to grapple with it while it's here.

Fights themselves remain decently paced. The first fight is a little chaotic, and...kinda changes up the rules as we understand them so far. Vampires apparently consume other living beings, not just by blood drain, but like...actually, physically take their mass into your own, to be released as monsters later or reinforce themselves. The first fight also involves breaking the magicite of a vampire, only for them to keep fighting as their magic goes out of control, but continues their regenerative effects and erupts all the monsters out in a big amalgamation. It's interesting, but definitely beyond what we understood. Especially since...well, when Algard tore out Lainie's magicite, she was going to just die. So why is this one so different? Is that a difference in Lainie's skills, a difference in that she never consumed creatures in that way, or is this just a retcon on total vampire powers?

The second fight is also our full introduction to the new character: Lilana. Listen. I have a character type. I love Lilana. Gifted child who initially acts dignified but is a lunatic, whose main thing is that she's lonely, and whose story ends in tragedy. I am devastated by the ending of this, but also that's what lets it hit.

Lilana is sort of Anis' philosophical foil. While Anis is all about looking to the future and building possibility, Lilana has taken the vampire charge of seeking eternity and come to a conclusion: the only way to bring about a happy eternity is to consume everything into herself. This is a stance so extreme that other vampires are bailing out in panic. It's unclear how much damage she's actually done to the vampire clans. The first fight is still aligned to her, but another clearly was on the run, and is the reason Lilana showed up at all. But it's clear she's not fully trusted of loved, given that she's also described as a fiend before even showing up.

But she's also so powerful that no one can really oppose her. So the elders among the vampires have propped her up as their perfect murder machine against their enemies, and she's only know effusive praise from them. The hangup is that she's never really had anyone acknowledge her as a person, just as the tool to be used. This operates as a flip of Anis, who is similarly gifted, but who was completely shunned by her society because of her gifts. Everyone also refused to see Anis the person, but treated her poorly rather than with kindness. An in an odd twist, Anis now understands what it means to suffer and how to overcome, while Lilana isn't really familiar with the concept, but fears it enough to want to remove it from the world entirely by removing free will and autonomy.

What's fun is that Lilana immediately attaches to Anis. She's super interested in her, and calls it love at first sight. She even tries to vampirize Anis, which...I'll get to that segment. But the ending of her story is that neither she nor Anis feel they can back down from their beliefs, and Lilana can't accept Anis' attempts to make friends. She makes a desperate bid for consuming everything, and destroys herself to make the attempt. It's a little sad, but it's compelling.

Her fight is fun, but does give off shonen powerlevel vibes. Euphie casts stupid cool magic that explodes everything, and Lilana it turns out is stupid powerful at Dark magic and converts magic attacks to magical energy she consumes, negating magic. But when she vampirizes Anis, there's a segment of getting her dragon magicite to consume the growing vampire powers to keep her autonomous, and then Anis is like wildly overpowered and just starts exploding Lilana until the final move. It's bombastic, but it is very much pushing to the tier of "no one but the heroines really contribute."

On that note...I gotta talk about Dragon Anis.

The vampire magicite is consumed by the dragon powers, and Anis is basically now Dragonkin, with some vampire powers mixed in. As part of this, Anis is now...also extremely long-lived. So that whole dilemma is solves before we ever really get close to proper angst about it. It feels a bit abrupt to just solve that on the fly. I expected it to be a more drawn out process, trying to find some way to resolve this or problem solve. I don't even really hate the idea behind this conclusion, it just feels abrupt and kind of dismissive of that entire problem. I also feel like, with the notion of pushing possibilities and developing the future, it's at least a little odd to be making characters immortal as a positive. Euphie's agreement was so heavy because she was immortal, not because Anis wasn't. This flipped the problem around and solved it instantly, without really engaging much with the implications of what this means.

In terms of smaller things:

There wasn't much cute content. There's a bit at the end, with Anis starting to tease Euphie back, but that's about it.

Acryl isn't really getting a ton of play despite how significant her backstory is with vampires. In fact I'm at least slightly confused as to her point. Why were vampires making her people fight in death matches? I get the killing, that's consuming them into Lilana, but like...the death matches feel out of place for Lilana's intentions.

Anis' dream sequence is pretty great. I actually liked that a lot.

Tilty got to show up, contribute briefly, then gets sidelined because she got sick. I'm kinda hoping that with this mystery vampire disease that killed Lainie's mom, she'll get a lot more play going forward.

Anis' dream chapter was really good. Huge fan.

Overall pretty good! Again, volume 7 is supposed to show tomorrow, so hopefully I'm quicker about reading that one.

[echoes-lighthouse]

heyo Echo! i have to say i’m THRILLED to see you selfship with the vampire polycule <3 (i haven’t caught up with the s2 myself but i’ve been hearing The Screams about it, so i’m double excited to hear about your lore too (especially since you’ve mentioned integrating some book canon elements 👁️👁️), for starters how about 1, 7 and 11 for any combination?

Aaaa thank you!!! I've been so loving Season Two, I love what they've done with the source material and all the actors are just incredible. Never expected to like Santiago but he is soooo cunty in the show. I'm very excited for the last episode this weekend.

Yes!!! It's an amalgamate universe, I bumped Armand back to his book canon age and the eighties timeline is stolen from the books, although I think I'm not going to deal with the Those Who Must Be Kept aspect of it all. I'm also blending the Louis/Claudia relationship of the book and show, although I'm not sure how relevant that will be: I guess it means Louis is bi instead of gay, as he is in the amc verse.

I answered the nicknames question here and I think it's my favourite I've written so far honestly!!

7- does your f/o have a favorite outfit on you? do you have a favorite outfit on them?

Oooh this is a fun question for this universe.

Gabrielle: my favourite outfit on him is definitely ripped jeans. narrow slices of skin framed by black fabric???? yes plssssss. his favourite outfits on me are the frillier dresses in black: she never had a daughter, so I'm her first chance to dress someone up however she likes.

Lestat: he had a brief crop top phase that I was feral about: love me some hip bones leading down into those eighties rocker jeans. He's gone back to the more formal fits, and I love his rings. As for me, he likes when I wear his merchandise because he's narcissistic (affectionate) and he enjoys the reminder that he was the reason I met Gabrielle. He also likes my hunting outfits: we rotate which of us is used as bait and we collaborate on the outfits for our specific taste of the evening.

Armand: it's his turtlenecks for me, I don't know what it is about them, they just murder me. he's never expressed a particular opinion on my clothing, so I'm not sure he cares. he seems to like looking at me nude, either in or out of sexual situations.

Louis: oddly enough, it's a tie between when he's dressed up and completely dressed down: specifically the soft black sweats with no shoes is the Look for me. But also any time he's in a vest I'm down bad. Louis has strong conflicting feelings about my outfits that make it hard to single out a 'favourite,' because he equally seems uncomfortable with the ones he enjoys. But that's very Louis, isn't it?

Daniel: likes the eighties club outfits that I occasionally break out: they're a nostalgia factor for everyone involved. other than that, he prefers that I keep covered, for everyone's sakes, thank you. I think he likes my long dresses with the bare feet for the whimsy factor: everything important is covered so he can feel comfortable but there's still that hint of over-comfort in the house. I like when he wears his glasses because it means he's trying to work, which means it's a perfect time to get in the way. I also like when he takes off his glasses while I'm bothering him, because it means I'm getting his full attention.

11- do you create anything to commemorate your relationship with your f/o? tell us about it!

Not yet: it's a new selfship, so it's still settling! I'm thinking of annotating my books, which is something I do when I really like a book. And I'd like to do some selfship journal spreads.

[ncytiri]

6 albums i've been listening to (+1 standout track)

tagged by @vvanessaives thank u beloved rena!!!! 💜

cowboy carter - beyoncé - yaya - i have not been able to stop listening to this album since it came out... there are so many songs i could pick from this album as standouts for me but i think yaya is gonna be my pick! sure it's a country album on its surface and beyoncé definitely does honor country with it, but the album is also such a beautiful amalgamation of genres that blend together so well!!! and yaya is the perfect choice to show that fusion of genres especially with the prior interlude of "the linda martell show" explaining how genres are a "funny little concept" 🫶

preacher's daughter - ethel cain - sun bleached flies - this album... this fucking album... such a journey getting through it but completely worth it... and sun bleached flies is 100% my standout track because after following ethel's story throughout the whole album and hearing her death to her afterlife and then getting hit with this song?? it makes me cry every time i listen to it!!!!!

glow on - turnstile - holiday - my lovely friend nadia put me onto this album last month when she was getting ready to see this band in concert and it GAGGED MEEEEE i am not a huge listener of hardcore punk at all but as a newbie, this album was very accessible to me and SO much fun to listen to!!! and holiday was the song that stuck on the most for me on my first listen, it is SUCH a headbanger of a song, like i am so obsessed with it...

minisode 3: tomorrow - tomorrow x together - i'll see you there tomorrow - i'll see you there tomorrow is such a fun summer jam like it is completely different from everything else on this mini album but it was what stuck out to me the most on my first listen and i just keep coming back to it... it's like house-y and groovy, such a great listen!!

walk through fire - yola - love is light - another album introduced to me by my friend nadia!!! yola's voice in this song oh my days... she was SUCH a beautiful voice like it is so soothing and warm i can't describe it!! but she sings with such deep emotion too which is why i love listening to this song so much <3 like cowboy carter, something about country being sung by a Black woman is gonna do it for me every time...

unreal unearth - hozier - damage gets done (feat. brandi carlile) - i understood this on the first listen... this song is so over-hated for no reason, i don't understand why ppl dislike it!! it's such a perfect encapsulation of young, messy love and hozier and brandi's voices sound fantastic together... i love it!!!! and this whole album just WRECKED me on my first listen, like i spent half the album just crying :/

tagging - whoever sees this and wants to share their thoughts on some of their fave albums rn <333

[tenrousei-kuroi]

$3 a season at the thrift store (´⌣`ʃƪ) ♥

Last year I completely ditched all the streaming and subscription services we were paying for--Hulu, Youtube Premium, Netflix, gone! It started as a necessary step to help cut costs during a recent (unwanted) downgrade in household employment. But even now that things have picked back up I don't want them back.

I don't like how content is created and consumed nowadays. I hate the impermanence and the 'second screen-ness' and the constant tinkering...random episodes from older shows re-edited because they couldn't license the music rights a second time, entire episodes missing in some bizarre, tokenistic appeal towards progressivism, as if a random episode of The Golden Girls showcasing racial issues in a slightly less eggshell-y way than today is the cause of inequity in the world, rather than the all-white board that pushed the delete button.

I hate the bombardment of 18 million sub-par options cluttering up the screen, the endless scroll of mindlessly trying to find something to watch. I despise getting some pretty good enjoyment out of the first few hours of a series only for it to slowly become clear that what I'm watching is a 90-minute film obnoxiously stretched to 7 hours as an entire creative team collectively forgets how to edit themselves.

I hate that nothing released in the last half decade has ever been something I've wanted to watch more than once. What a disposable waste of film digital camerawork.

I hate having to chase shows around as they hop from service to service. Can't stand seeing older shows stretched into the wrong aspect ratio because someone in a board room somewhere decided for me that I have a crippling fear of pillar boxes.

So our household has officially jumped ship. As the streaming services I used to enjoy (when they were a way to find older shows and movies long past their initial runs, before each service was trying to replace what was once a novel entertainment idea with some sort of Voltron-esque amalgamation of television and Hollywood Frankensteined together into one big financially unsustainable nightmare) give way to a landscape so convoluted and expensive that it's on track to just become Cable TV 2.0, I've dived back into my physical media collection.

One thing fortunate about the packrat gene I was born with is that I never got rid of all my stuff. The physical DVDs, Blu-Rays, CD's, etc...they're all still there on the shelves of my honest-to-God entertainment system. The Sanyo TV from 2007 still works perfectly (we've gone through 3 bedroom Smart TVs in the time we've had that hand-me-down old set). It was all still here waiting for me.

On a side note, may I sing the praises of my 20 year-old Sanyo for a minute? Thing can play PAL region video signals fucking flawlessly, no converters necessary! That's so rare for North American TVs. I remember when I first got my PAL-region Playstation, naively unaware of the idea that it likely wouldn't work on a US television, and then plugging it in to just...perfection. All those Reddit threads I'd been sent by my coworkers as they warned me not to hook it up (you don't have the right converters, you're going to break everything!). Nope, turns out I have accidentally and serendipitously found myself with the perfect television set for a retro-gaming and electronics weirdo like me. Sanyo, you rock(ed? Are they still around? I'm not sure...)

I know it's not for everyone. But I love my physical media collection. This perfectly curated little space just for me. I love looking up from my TV and seeing the Japanese version of Gremlins that I found for like 200 yen at a flea market in Gifu, the old DVD of Lilo & Stitch that still lets Lilo crawl right into the dryer, the little dummy, and the pièce de résistance, that random bootleg Diabolik Lovers DVD where someone in the localization room fucked up and all the em dashes in the summary got replaces with eñes.

Ideas like having streaming and physical media just haven't worked out for me. Because I end up just using streaming as a way to sort of preview a few things to see if I want to buy them or not, and really that's not worth the hundred bucks a month it costs to keep up with them all. Plus it was like the subscriptions were sucking the life out of my physical DVDs. Maybe this wasn't the case for anyone else, but just knowing in the back of my mind that I had Netflix or Hulu or whatever was...almost paralyzing. My movies were all gathering dust because I was ignoring them in favor of...cycling endlessly through multiple pages of Apple TV listings, knowing there had to be something somewhere in there and that because it might be gone in a week I needed to find it and watch it now instead of the movies I already owned. Insufferable.

There's a part of me that feels so free knowing I'll never again have to suffer through Hulu playing I swear to God the exact same three ads over and over and over and over and over again.

The best part is that people will just...give you entire sets of TV shows and movies now. They think they don't need them anymore. Every time I'm visiting family or friends, if I comment on how I "really like" a show or a move I see they have, they're likely to just respond with "Oh really? Go ahead and take it, we just watch it on Netflix now. Keep it."

(Thank you Mom, for the "available on Peacock" Twilight Zone collection, thank you college classmate for the "I totally saw it on Fubo" special edition Event Horizon Blu-Ray, and especially thank you to whoever was trusting enough of their Paramount+ subscription to donate ten seasons of Frasier to my local Goodwill.)

No backsies.

[drivemysoul]

like i don’t fucking know dude. what if this is all i amount to in life. what if all i ever manage to achieve is this selfish happiness and a naive belief that i help make other people happy while i disappoint everyone around me. what if i never make my parents proud. what if i never get to have kids of my own. what if i never get to really fall in love that’s wanted and returned. what if the only person who would actually love me despite everything is someone who raped me and convinced me i was entirely broken and worthless. what if i spend the rest of my life trying to make everyone around me happy until i’m just numb and hollow. what if the only things i’ve known as comfort and stability for my entire life become things that make me feel nothing anymore. what if i wake up one day and i regret all my tattoos and piercings. what if i wake up one day and i regret t. what if i wake up one day and i regret my implants. what if i wake up one day and i don’t even fucking know who i am anymore because every piece of my identity has been forged in an attempt to fit in or please someone and i don’t even know who i am. what if this is it. what if this is all i know for the rest of my life. i’m 20 this month and i have nothing to show for it. i’ve wasted the best years of my life. i lost my teen years to a pandemic that everyone but me seems to have recovered from fine and i still feel like i’m completely trapped and frozen in the moment we found out things were shutting down. i would die to mean something to one person as much as he means to me but i mean nothing to him. everyone i know has someone else and i’m just stuck here being left behind because i don’t know what to do or how to magically make everyone love me and make everyone proud. my brother has the life i wish i had. my parents talk about him when someone asks about me. i don’t know what to do anymore and everything just feels hopeless so now i’m here crying in bed feeling useless and humiliated. i’ve remembered every detail of people who don’t even know one of the colours i like. i’m meant to be married with kids right now. i am so so so insignificant. i am a tiny fleck of dust next to everyone else who’s some kind of perfect amalgamation of everything that i’ve ever wanted and ever tried for and never been able to have. i just. i don’t fucking know what to do anymore.

[zerohour1974]

What Happened?

Why do I seem to have lost interest in everything computer related? I used to love playing with old machines but to be honest lately my heart has really fallen out of the industry.

I just don’t seem to enjoy playing with this stuff. I used to like messing around with emulators and playing with things like DOS but now I feel like I have played around and done most things I can do in that field.

I had an interest in Linux but to be honest it seems to have faded. Maybe because I have hit the limits of my hardware so I don’t have any areas to explore.

People have always said I have had an esoteric choice of machines I like. Although I admit my first machine was a 48k ZX Spectrum back in 1983 as common as you get. I have always been interested in the more obscure or failing machines.

I have always had an interest in machines such as the MSX machines, PC Engines & Sharp X68000. This is because they were not on every computer shop in town. They didn’t make huge impact at all in the UK where I am based.

Obviously a lot of the software is in Japanese and I have no ability to read Hiragana, which is what it normally is. So even if I get emulation running I have no idea what its about or what I am supposed to be doing if it’s beyond basic menus.

I also like machines like the NeXT, which was also not hugely available so when to get to see them I am really interested.

I then used OpenStep 3.3. via the emulator called Previous and really discovered how little software is actually available for this system. However using it really did show how much NeXTStep is still in Mac OS X even to this day.

Why do I prefer typing in old word processors like this one and Word Perfect 5.1 for DOS or LocoScript PC. Give me a copy of LibreOffice or Modern Word and I sit and stare at a blank page.

I also seem to type more if you give me a minimalist word processor like Writeroom or Focuswriter. So maybe it’s a psychological thing.

It seems the more obscure the item is the more my interest is.

I also have a vast interest in running things in emulators. I have no ability to write said emulators but have always had a fascination in seeing if I can do it on said machines.

It started when I got my first 486 SX25 . The first emulator I ran was JPP in DOS to emulate a ZX Spectrum. Then I found things like Z80 and Magic Engine I bought keys for both. The Magic Engine key I still have and still works but the Z80 one went AWOL a long time ago.

It was cool to subvert the machine make it doe something it was not designed by trade to do, It was exciting and when you got something working it was cool.

I then found things like Nesticle, (NES) Genecyst (Genesis/Mega Drive) and Callus (CPS1) from Blood software and I entered a rabbit hole of emulation. BSNES and ZSNES (both SNES ) and things like M72 (Irem M72 boards), RAINE (CPS1/2) and MAME.

Obviously I remember MAME when it started and would only run 5 games but it sharp managed to keep adding more and more games, making it very interesting at the time.

MAME of course is still going today and can do lots of things as it now includes many of the older projects being amalgamated into it. It now includes MESS, (Multi Emulation Super System), MFME (Multi Fruit Machine Emulator) and PINMAME (Pinball DMD roms).

All of these at one point had separate instances but now MAME coves them all including the ever growing arcade roms and architectures it supports.

As well as multi machine emulators like MAME. Several arcades had their own dedicated programs. I remember things like The New Zealand Story and the 4 player Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had their own dedicated emulators written for them.

Obviously over the years many emulators have come and gone and the images of the roms have been upgraded or updated. I think I saw recently that if you wan t to emulate some of the newer systems on MAME such as Sega M1 or Naomi upwards you need to use CHD (Compressed Hunks of Data) files and if you want a complete collection of such then you need over 10TB worth of hard drive space.

Which is ludicrous considering that half of them don’t work very well due to requiring a beefy CPU to run said games and lots of GPU memory to create the virtual graphics cards.

So machines without a eight-core processor or higher and anything less than a Nvidia 3000 series graphics card need not apply.

Over the years the emulators have continued covering all major platforms and even to this day as I said MAME continuers its quest. However even more recent platforms are not safe from the emulators.

They have emulation for Xbox 360, Playstation 2 & 3 and even a Switch emulator. In fact was just announced about RPCS4, Orbital, PS4EMX, PS4Emus they have got Playstation 4 emulation now in the functional stages.

Scary stuff. I love emulation even though I could not program one to save my life. I just like seeing a machine running something it was not intended to do.

This is also why I used to like playing with Hackintosh stuff because it was once again subverting what the machine is. The PC was not supposed to run Mac OS X but the fact that someone managed to get such things running was absolutely fascinating.

People have accused me of being quite brutal on machines because I tend to try and get these emulators to work or run software never designed for it. The fact that things such as emulators and the various VMs to run obscure stuff I am not the only one who wants to do this.

Thankfully they do exist because if you were waiting on me to write such it would never happen as I just don’t have that sort of skill or knowledge.

Of course the new Apple Silicon has pretty much made the Hackintosh redundant and also I really didn’t quite understand how to get OpenCore working it was far too complex for my limited brain.

Normal stuff like PC gaming or consoles don’t appeal to me very much until they become a challenge to run them. As I said I like the obscure I like the having to resort to unorthodox methods.

I would be the type if I did play PC games and got good I would have to beat Call of Duty 904 with a Steering wheel just be obnoxious. I’m not going to do that so don’t look to find it.

Obviously as I said new emulators require machines far beyond my reach at the moment but one day who knows I may get back up in the high end PC market again.

Until then I type this nonsense on a iBook G4 using Microsoft Word 2008 then probably upload it using my Dell i7 M6800 laptop to Tumblr.

However to answer the question what happened. I think I have played with most of the obscure things and now I have nothing to do or see.

Going back to the run of the mill is boring and I honestly find most modern games and consoles lifeless. They may be photo realistic and have 4k graphics and more but have about as much excitement to me as a pebble.

However if I get a high end PC I will definitely try and emulate the consoles I don’t care about currently as it something the PC isn’t supposed to be doing. As I said it’s a psychological thing or basically I’m just weird.

[omg-imatotalmess]

Better Than Your Pillow

Hey guys! There was an anon that asked for a little more sub!neville as a cure for their blues, and I couldn’t resist. Sub!neville is chicken soup for the soul. Hope y’all enjoy!

Pairing: Neville Longbottom x Reader

Requested: Ye

Anonymous Requested: i need more sub neville. i’m so sad

Warnings: Pillow humping, mild voyeurism, fingering, dirty talk, mild praise kink, sub!neville, dom!reader, swearing

                                                             ---

If you hadn’t seen it with your own eyes, you wouldn’t have believed it. Neville. Your sweet, shy, ever awkward Neville curled over his pillow, humping it with the desperation of a dog in heat. All while spilling the filthiest fantasies into the open air. Every one of them revolving around you. In your shock, all you could do was take it in. And you couldn’t say you minded. He was really putting on a good show.

“(Y/N)! Fuck, I’ll be your good boy!” he cried, fisting his sheets like they were the only things keeping him steady.

“I’ll be so good! Use me however you want. Please, I want you to!” he babbled. His hips shifted faster, maybe imagining your reply. You certainly knew what it would be.

You took a step further into the room, closing the door quietly so as not to disturb the scene in front of you. It was everything you’d ever hoped for—the amalgamation of every wet dream you’d ever had wrapped up in a pretty bow. Well, in an argyle sweater vest, actually. Leaning against the bedpost, you let his sheer want wash over you. It was heavy and searing but more perfect than you ever could have imagined. And from there, you could see his face. The way his mouth gaped open, chest heaving with every sound out of him and his eyes screwed shut against the onslaught of pleasure your phantom self was giving him. It made you wonder what he’d look like if he got the real thing. You couldn’t believe Neville hadn’t noticed you yet. Then again, he was too busy talking to hear your own labored breaths.

“Do anything you want to me! Please, I’m yours. Your little slut to play with! Tie me up and play with me until you’re satisfied!” he begged.

“If that’s what you want.” The words slipped out of your mouth completely unbidden.

“(Y/N)?!” he squeaked.

“You were late to our study session,” you said.

“I-I’m so sorry. Merlin, I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life. Let me just p-put my trousers on an-and I’ll be there in a minute,” he rambled, scrambling into a sitting position with the pillow doing very little to conceal his flushed, dripping cock.

“Don’t stop on my account,” you said, a smile curling at the corner of your mouth, “It looked like you were just getting to the good bit.”

“Please don’t tease me,” he moaned, covering his face with his hands.

“Who’s teasing?” you asked, feeling a smile curling at the corner of your mouth.

“Why can’t the castle just swallow me whole and put me out of my misery?” he said miserably. It was like he hadn’t heard you.

“Who’s teasing, Nev? I’m interested,” you said.

“I-Interested?” he sputtered, head shooting up.

“Mm-hmm, I’d love to help you out. If you want me to, that is. If not, I’ll leave, and we’ll pretend this never happened,” you offered.

Blinking at you with big, slightly unsure eyes, Neville let his pillow slip off his lap. He wanted to. You could tell that much. The way his eyes trailed up and down your body was leaving you a little hot under the collar. Smiling, you waited for him to answer. It was his decision, and who were you to rush him? Taking in a shaky breath, he reached for you, pulling you gently onto the bed while trying not to look you in the eyes.

“Please?” he whispered.

“Please what?” you asked despite the knowing glint in your eye.

“Please, touch me,” he muttered shyly.

“Like this?” you asked, drawing patterns over his plush thigh with your fingertips, just barely brushing his cock each time. It jumped with each gentle attention.

“(Y/N),” he whined. You gave him a wolfish grin.

“I guess I did say I wasn’t teasing,” you said. “Undress me.”

“A-Are you sure?” Despite the question, he was already working the buttons of your shirt with shaking hands, popping them open one by one.

“Hurry up. I don’t like to be kept waiting,” you ordered.

“A-Alright. Anything you want,” he breathed, yanking your shirt the rest of the way open and pushing it off your shoulders before making quick work of your pants. Each item was laid carefully beside the bed as soon as it left you. Before long, you were bare in front of him as his eyes roamed your body. It was like you’d showed him Eden. He couldn’t figure out where to look first. You smiled, pulling him toward you by his sweater vest. God, you were glad he’d kept it on.

“Good boy,” you purred, “Now, I want you to finger me open until I’m nice and ready to take that pretty cock of yours.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, reaching blindly for the bottle of lube he’d tossed on the edge of the bed when he started.

Slicking up his fingers, he stroked over you a few times just to excite you a little more. Also likely just to touch you like that. You let him. Bringing your hands to your own chest, you pinched and tugged at your nipples lightly. Partly to add to the sensation of Neville’s fingers stroking your sex and partly to put on a show. He watched your fingers dancing over your chest for a moment before bringing his eyes to yours.

“Can I-Can I suck them?”

“Kiss me first,” you said. As his lips touched your own, he pressed a finger into you gently. Groaning, you arched your back and bit down on his lip. When he let out a thin whine, you laved your tongue over the spot. The two of you stayed like that for a bit, his finger moving in you, kissing you as though the world was burning down around you. Then you pulled back. Dragging in a deep breath, you fisted his hair.

“Go on. Use your mouth.” He didn’t need to be told twice. Licking and sucking at your nipples as he added fingers. His tongue flickered over one hardened bud, pressing his fingers into you all the more eagerly.  For a while, you simply lost yourself to the sensation.

“(Y/N),” he whined, grinding his dripping cock against your leg.

“Be a good little slut and beg for it,” you said.

“Please, please, I’ll do anything you want! I’ll be such a good boy for you. I will. So good. Please, (Y/N), let me put it in. Can I put it in?” he plead, practically humping your leg like he’d been humping his pillow earlier.

“You really want it?” you teased.

“Yes! So much! I’ll be such a good boy,” he promised.

“Fuck me.” Your voice was low and sharp—an order. One that he couldn’t have resisted even if he wanted to. He pressed into you slowly, watching you to make sure you were enjoying yourself. Each inch was a little more heaven than the last. Growling, you tugged his hair and bucked your hips down impatiently.

“I-I’m trying to be gentle,” he whimpered, shaking in your grip.

“Who the fuck asked for gentle?” you snarled, yanking his hair savagely. “I said fuck me, Neville!”

“Ooooooh!” A long howl burst from his mouth as he thrust into you recklessly, which you silenced with your mouth. Swallowing down his pathetic, little sounds of please and trading them for yours. His hips pounded against yours, encouraged by your heels digging into the small of his back. At this point, you couldn’t tell if he was chasing his pleasure or yours. You didn't care. It was all the same.

“Fuck, there! Good boy, right there!” you groaned.

“Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you...” his thanks became a chant into the crook of your neck. He only interrupted it to sink his teeth into it every now and then.

“Harder!” Obedient as you expected, he fucked into you hard enough to scoot the two of you up the bed. The sound of the headboard slamming against the wall was just background noise to you. Neville’s drawn-out, sobbing moans were far more interesting.

“Close,” he breathed.

“Don’t you dare cum before I do,” you hissed in his ear.

“Please, please, (Y/N). So close,” he begged. His hips had completely lost any semblance of rhythm. They just pistoned away unevenly, somehow managing to hit exactly where you wanted it most.

“C’mon, a little more. Almost...!” Your words trailed off into a long, high moan as your orgasm washed over you. For a moment, the world whited out. All you could feel was Neville driving himself into you like a man unhinged and wave after wave of pleasure. When you finally came back to earth, Neville was hammering into you, sobbing incoherent pleas into your shoulder.

“Can I cum? Please?” he sobbed.

“Cum for me,” you said. And he was gone. His teeth sunk into your shoulder, but it did nothing to stifle his shout of pleasure. You could feel his hands leaving bruises on your hips, but you didn’t mind. Not as he shook on top of you, pumping his cock in you a few final times before collapsing on top of you. Smiling, you pressed a kiss to his sweaty hair.

“Better than you pillow?” you giggled after a moment of catching your breath.

“I’m never going to live this down,” he muttered, keeping his face buried in your neck.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ve never cum so hard in my life,” you said. Pulling back, he looked down at you with a good measure of surprise on his face.

“R-Really? I was good?” he stuttered in disbelief.

“So fucking good. Jesus Christ, Nev, I almost blacked out,” you said. He made a pinched-off sound, dipping his face out of your eyesight. After another moment of silence, he spoke up.

“Thank you,” he said.

“No problem. If you ever wanna do that again, come find me,” you said, carding your fingers gently through his hair.

“Can I take you on a d-date first?” he asked shyly.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that, but how about a nap first,” you said. Nodding, he curled up against your side and dropped off almost immediately. You, however, laid awake for a bit. That was so much better than studying. And definitely better than his pillow.

[this-strange-obsession]

So just had another fic idea, but my notes app is crying and I know I’m never gonna write half of that shit. So y’know if any authors wanna write something totally of their own volition and totally not from me begging uh..

Imagine if you will, Jekyll lies his way through most of his life, yes? However, somehow his lies magically appear on paper, glass, thin air— something— to Lanyon. (Ex. Jekyll says “Oh, I’m alright. How about yourself?” And “Oh, I’m alright.” shows up on the something.)

Only Lanyon can see this, and during a speech Jekyll gives, Jekyll says something about how everything is going well. The society is perfect, blahblahblah. And the lie appears, confirming that that’s what’s happening here. Because Lanyon knows for certain just the other day Jekyll was worried over keeping the lights on.

This could be used for a lot of different reveals. Like maybe Jekyll is talking to Jasper about Lanyon and says, “Fell in— Are you crazy? I wasn’t and will never be in love with Lanyon! That’s sinful!” And then the lie appears out of nowhere while Lanyon’s chilling at home. And he’s like W H A T.

Or..

Jekyll’s talking about Hyde to the lodgers and says something like, “Really? But me and Hyde are nothing alike! We’re two completely different people!” And when the lie appears, it includes the last sentence, which confuses Lanyon. But somehow he pieces that shit together.

Or..

Lanyon confronts Jekyll about how he’s neglecting his own basic needs. Maybe he asks about the last time Jekyll ate or slept, and the “most honest” he gets after pushing is shocking to know that it’s a lie. (Ex. “Okay, fine! The last time I ate was about two days ago. Sorry for lying to you, I just didn’t want to upset you.”) And after the knowledge of just how much Jekyll doesn’t care for himself, Lanyon freaks out.

Or..

Lanyon jokingly accuses Jekyll of hating himself or something. Because the man never stops working and throws himself joyfully at even the worst/most boring jobs. Jekyll laughs and jokes back, “I like myself just fine, thank you! There just aren’t enough hours in the day for what needs to be done! And there’s no getting around paperwork if I’m to lead this society!” Lanyon laughs but immediately stops when “I like myself” pops up. He’s like “oh shit.” And has a whole therapy session for Jekyll who tries and fails to lie through everything ofc.

Honestly, it could even be a whole amalgamation of these scenarios that scares Lanyon the most. To know the sheer amount of times Jekyll lies straight through his teeth about even the most basic stuff. Maybe by that point, he realizes there’s only a handful of times he recalls Jekyll being 100% honest. And that shit’s rough, but he doesn’t know if or even how to go about telling Jekyll about his newfound ability.

Anyway if anyone would like to write a fic about this, please do it I wanna read it so badly. I need the angst in my life .3.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

You said something about how ult!Dirk and BGD both depend on Jake for their existence and im 👀👀👀👀👀 PLEASE give us the full rant I'm begging

ANON I AM GOINF TO WRITE A FULL ESSAY ABOUT THIS NOW, THANK YOU

OKKKKKK SO. I’m gonna start with Brain Ghost Dirk because holy shit, as a Dirk splinter he is so fucking interesting. He’s not a typical Dirk splinter. Dirk is completely unaware that BGD exists. Dirk knows about all of his other splinters, like Bro, and had an intentional hand in creating some of them, like Hal and Brobot. He has no fucking idea that BGD exists, and yet BGD could not exist without Dirk’s Prince of Heart abilities. Jake wasn’t even aware that he created BGD himself! He just showed up and Jake had to deal with the fact that he managed to make a perfect copy of Dirk Strider that now lives in his head. BGD was a complete accident.

Setting aside the fact that BGD is essentially Jake and Dirk’s offspring, Jake just. holds this splinter of Dirk’s being in his head using his freaky ass hope powers. BGD has always been there, and he always will be. Whether or not Dirk is alive, BGD is far from fading, and he’ll likely be around as long as Jake is alive.

So BGD depends on Jake for his very existence because of Jake’s hope powers; that much is obvious, considering BGD literally lives in Jake’s brain. As long as there’s a Jake out there, there’s a Brain Ghost Dirk.

But the existence of Brain Ghost Dirk begs the question: is Ult!Dirk actually his ultimate self?

Answer: fuck no he isn’t! Ult!Dirk has no god damn clue that Brain Ghost Dirk exists! He just assumes that he’s gone ultimate, because he remembers everything from all the dead Dirks from doomed timelines and every other splinter he has, except for BGD. He hasn’t gone ultimate; he just thinks that because he’s used to splitting his being into fractals, that’s the reason he somehow hasn’t died from becoming an amalgamation of those pieces.

But he still doesn’t know about Brain Ghost Dirk.

Ult!Dirk is like a shitty old iPhone consistently running on 5% battery power, and the moment someone drops him on the ground he’s going to shatter. He hasn’t saved his shit to iCloud either. When that phone is gone he’s done for. But he’s out here saying “no no it’s fine, it’s built different, this thing hasn’t failed me yet so it won’t fail me now,” when in reality he’s this close to losing all his data forever.

The moment he absorbs BGD into the rest of his being or BGD stops existing, Ult!Dirk will die, just like Ult!Rose and Ult!Dave. His problem is that he doesn’t have a backup plan. He doesn’t have a robot to download his soul and memories into like Rosebot and Davebot did. If Ult!Dirk dies, he’s dead forever. There’s no bringing him back, unless Rosebot and Terezi can whip up a robot in five minutes or somehow shove his soul into a pair of sunglasses.

But there are currently two Jakes: Meat!Jake and Candy!Jake. So aren’t there technically two Brain Ghost Dirks keeping Ult!Dirk alive?

Considering we haven’t heard from Meat!Jake yet, he’s basically as good as dead to the story, because I know damn well the writers won’t try to include two Jakes who already have similar storylines in the same narrative. Meat!Jake is probably out of the question when it comes to BGD, considering the writers forgot about him. However, his absence from HS^2 and his overall irrelevance can be explained by speculating that his hope has been shattered by Ult!Dirk forcing the narrative to make Jake fall in love with him against his will and then completely breaking his heart. Meat!Jake has lost all hope, having all his friends abandon him to either go play god on some distant planet, chase after those friends who are busy playing god, or become a dictator on Earth C. Meat!Jake is broken. He has nothing left. He might not even have his own Brain Ghost Dirk anymore.

It’s possible that Ult!Dirk could have accidentally killed Meat!Jake’s BGD by messing with the narrative to the point that he made Meat!Jake have a full-on hopeless breakdown. Dirk destroys the self, and it’s entirely possible that he destroyed part of Meat!Jake, including BGD, in manipulating Jake that much. That’s just speculation though; however, I think it’s rather interesting that Ult!Dirk could still be so self-destructive that he would accidentally kill one of his splinters without even noticing, and it would explain Meat!Jake’s absence from the story.

With Meat!Jake’s BGD most certainly dead or completely irrelevant to the narrative, this leaves Candy!Jake as the sole living Jake with a Brain Ghost Dirk, the only splinter Ult!Dirk hasn’t yet absorbed. Because of this, Candy!Jake is the only person singlehandedly keeping Ult!Dirk from keeling over. If Candy!Jake dies, so does Ult!Dirk.

I’m going to leave this off by saying this: Ult!Dirk is still extremely self destructive. He claims he’s going to die once his job at playing god is finished, Paradox Space will rule the death as Just, and every single Dirk will be dead forever. If he ever meets Candy!Jake and learns that he’s not ultimate and one little splinter of himself will still survive when he dies, what the fuck is he going to DO?

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

[novelconcepts]

I was wondering what do you think about the fanfics, in this fandom, and any other you're part of, where authors take the lazy route and copy paste the characters into things that would have never sit right in the show. Like i see a lot of stuff where people have an idea and paste Dani and Jamie into things that are so fundamentally wrong (for example: Jamie kidnapping Dani. Them hating each other at the beginning etc) i am physically estraining myself not to shoot a message to those authors (who, by the way, write beautifully) and tell them to go read your tags. You break down the show in such a wonderful way. And i know you have already commented more than once about not reading fics. But still i was wondering

So....this is probably not going to be the answer you’re looking for, but I’ve gotten a few messages like this, and honestly? People come to all kinds of art for different reasons, fic very much included. Some are coming to writing fic because they want to explore character voice and personality type as they stand; some come to it because they just want to write. They have ideas, and they’re fun, and it’s often much easier to take a fleshed-out pre-existing character and move them around a sandbox than it is to find the energy and time to build your own playground from scratch. That’s kind of the beautiful thing about writing fic in the first place: you can weave stories that touch people’s hearts, or make them laugh, or make them thirsty, and you can do it for free on your downtime as a no-pressure hobby. 

So, in the event that there are stories where Dani and Jamie don’t feel to you like the show...I think that’s okay. I think that’s going to happen in all fandoms, and it’s going to happen more often than not, because the version on the page isn’t the version on the screen. Even for people who quote-unquote “have it down”--which, always debatable; no one is ever going to please everyone with their work--the version in the fic is an amalgamation. Like for me, my Jamie is, on my very very best day, maybe 60% AE’s work? Even when I’m trying my hardest to get the voice perfect. And the rest is my imagination. I’m not writing Amelia Eve-doing-Jamie, I’m writing a version of the character that lives inside my head; there’s no way around that. And some people might hate my Jamie. They might feel FWB!Jamie is nothing like the real thing, and is an insult to the show. And that’s totally cool! That’s completely fine. They might look at vampire!Dani, and think I did everything wrong in constructing that version of the character, because “where’s the Pedretti?” It doesn’t make those stories inherently bad or wrong, it just means they won’t work for everyone. 

So much of fic is not only keeping the characters alive, so to speak, but testing their bounds. Some people are better at replicating voice than others, just like how some traditional/digital artists are better at replicating photo-realistic portraits. A super cartoony version of fanart is not inherently lesser than a perfect photo-realism piece. They’re coming from the same place of love, but with different skill sets, or different priorities, or both. Same thing with fic: some people want to tread the bounds of the show really neatly (I’m guilty of this in some ways, like how I tend to fall back on the same kinds of headcanons every time, or how I never write Viola in as a human woman in a modern setting, etc), and some people just want to see these characters breathe as cowboys, or rock stars, or aliens. It’s going to hit different buttons for different readers. Even if you don’t personally love the idea of Jamie using that particular kind of language, or Dani wielding a gun, the person is still trying to tell a fun story in their downtime. And it’s cool that they’re doing that. It’s cool that it’s building communities, and making the pandemic less shitty to live through, and keeping a variant of these characters--even if this variant is only 50% AE-Jamie/VP-Dani, or 25%, or 10% to some readers’ eyes--alive. 

I don’t want this to come off like I’m being harsh to you, or to the other folks who have sent messages like this before, but I do want to be clear that I stand on the side of making art. And recognizing that for some people, it’s their very first time out the gate trying this. And for others, they’ve been doing it for years as a fun way to flex their muscles and stay sane in a crappy world. And no one’s story is going to make everyone happy; in every single fandom I’ve ever been part of, I’ve poked my head into The Biggest Fics and almost always ducked back out again with a hearty no-thanks. I come to fic for specific things, and that’s not always going to be found in every story, even the popular ones--and that is okay. I would never, ever advise reaching out to a person who is writing stories for free, for fun, and for the purpose of making other people happy, and telling them they’re doing a bad job for not fully grasping a character the way I do. Because honestly, even if you see it as lazy? I can tell you from experience, writing stories--especially long ones, especially AUs--is hard. It meanders, and the words fight back, and you question yourself every step of the way sometimes. Even if the story feels lazy to one reader, I promise, the author is mulling it over in the shower, problem-solving on the way to work, batting things back and forth with betas to work out plot holes. The use of character might feel odd, but the story is what matters, and I always, always want to support that, even if that story isn’t for me personally. 

[smokeybrand]

Running Up That Hill

I just finished part one of Stranger Things 4 and i am upset. This season was so f*cking good, man. Like, the first episode, alone, was better than the entirety of season three. Honestly, there as a noticeable decline in the narrative quality from season to season. The first one was epic as f*ck, everything a kid like me who was raised on Spielberg and King could want. The nostalgia hit hard, even though I'm a mid-Eighties baby, which is testament to the authenticity of that Duffer vision. Season two had it’s highs but some pretty disparate lows. Obviously, i love the fact the Max (she’s my favorite character) was introduced and the Mindflayer is a straight up menace. Season three was a goddamn mess. It was disjointed, felt rushed, and disappointed at the end. It remains to be seen if season four can stick the landing but, so far, this thing is the best the show has been since the first season, hands down. Now, this isn’t a proper review as we still haven’t seen the last two episodes but this is more just me gushing over what i love about part one.

Mad Max

Bro, Max’s arc, so far, is everything to me! Maxine Mayfield is easily the most complex, complete, character in this show and you can fight me about that sh*t all day! The journey she’s been in part one has been a straight up roller coaster of emotion, something that has been missing from this show for years. It helps tremendously that Sadie Sink gives this character so much life. She’s a great actor and, after seeing her in Fear Street, i am looking forward to whatever she got in the pipeline.

Papa Steve

Steve continues to the be GOAT of this show. He finally made his way into the Upside-Down and had a whole goddamn experience. Steve being the group dad is the perfect dynamic for him, one that i have been in strong support of since the second season where he took Dustin under his wing. That relationship, on it’s own, is the most endearing sh*t in this entire show.

New Blood

I gotta say, i am absolutely taken with the two new cast members, Eddie and Argyle. Two completely different characters but, at the same time, absolute peaches. Argyle is the Spicoli Stoner archetype missing from this Eighties homage and Eddie is that weird outlier who has a heart of gold. I tend to gravitate toward those characters because that’s kind of who i was when i was in high school, more an amalgamation of the two.

Malice Incarnate

Vecna is a whole as vibe. Dude really reminds me of the villain from The Keep, Molasar. Stranger Things has always had strong villains and monsters but this cat Vecna is on an entirely different level. He’s the Vader to El’s Obi-wan. She literally created this monstrosity be banishing Henry Creel to the Upside-Down where the Mindflayer was able to sink it’s tendrils into him. While I'm on the subject, as menacing as Vecna is, it’s Henry that really gets under my skin. That motherf*cker is a straight up ghoul and the way Jamie Campbell Bower plays cat is just... Insidious. F*cking brilliant but gross.

Growth

The character work, so far, is the best I've seen in this show. It helps that the kids are all varying degrees of grown and can deliver solid performances among themselves. Millie Bobby Brown has always been pretty great at her job but Finn Wolfhard has come a LONG way. Noah Shnapp has finally been allowed to do more than being a Damsel in Distress and Gaten Matarazzo continues to shine as the best of the main cast. I already mentioned my love for Sadie Sink and even Caleb McLaughlin has gotten much better, though, he’s still the weakest of the main kids. Obviously, Joe Keery is the GOAT, but Maya Hawke, Natalie Dyer, and even Charlie Heaton, who i always thought was the weakest of the supporting cast, delivers the best work I've seen him do so far in his career.

Modern Mythology

More than that, the writing is, for lack of a better term, pure kino. This season is easily the best written of all four and that’s saying a lot because i marveled at how well that first run went. To weave so many different narratives together, while carrying older characters and introducing new ones along the way, using real world events like the Satanic Panic to frame some of the best pathos I've seen out of a Netflix show, is a herculean task but the Duffers are delivering in spades. The sh*t with El, the sh*t with Max, Vecna running loose in the Upside-Down juicing people of their psychic energy, Eddie being framed for murders, the California Crew doing their thing on the other side of the country, that kind of half-baked Russia plot; To juggle all of these plot lines so well, and execute them with a confidence not seen in US film outside of the MCU, is f*cking impressive.

Again, this is not a review of the show as a whole, just my initial impression of Part One. We have to wait until the first of July to see if they can stick the landing but i am confident the Duffers will deliver. This season feels different, like they had the time to really create something special as opposed to chasing trends or popularity. Stranger Things is back in a big way and, if i have to wait another three years or so to get Stranger Things 5 after this season ends, so be it. If that sh*t is as tight as four, i will wait as long as necessary because i am reveling in this season right now.

[m19writes4mlb]

Defenceless - Chapter 1

Summary: When things become too much, one can feel trapped. Adrien becomes acquainted with this concept, and decides to break away for a while.

Chapter: 1/?

Word Count: 1611

Rating: T

Adrien is familiar with the feeling of helplessness. He has never had much control over his life. There is almost always someone dictating what his next step should be. Rarely does he get to decide his own fate, so he isn’t surprised by the fact that his first relationship seems to be about to end for circumstances beyond his control.

Kagami is a wonderful girl. She is smart, driven, determined, pretty, and comes from a similar background. Plus, she is more socially inept than him, which is both a blessing and a curse. To an outsider's eyes, Adrien and Kagami were a perfect match. However, no outsider had a clear picture of who he is; thus, subtracting validity to their assessments.

He isn’t just Adrien Agreste, professional model and sweet, picture perfect son of France’s top designer Gabriel Agreste. He is also one half of Paris’s beloved superhero duo: brave, dorky, flirty, and confident Chat Noir. That being said, neither one truly encapsulates Adrien’s full essence on their own. He is something in between, an amalgamation of his personas.

The truth was that no one was privy to his true self. He feared what whoever was the first person to truly see it would think. To Adrien, rejection and ridicule were scarier than anything else. Thus, he developed a fool-proof strategy to never have to deal with them. He never showed the entirety of himself. He hid behind masks, all of them carefully designed with just enough truth to be believable. Adrien Agreste could bend and mold himself into exactly what the person he was with wanted him to be. Even so, this came with a strong draw back. When one focuses on pleasing those around them and spends all their time behind masks, they forget what it is that really lies beneath the façade.

Most of the time, not knowing what his real self was didn’t really bother him; he took it in stride. He viewed it as something that with time would solve itself. Nevertheless, when situations like his current one took place, he realised just how much damage not knowing one’s self could really cause.

Looking back on it, he now realises that even though he cared about Kagami deeply, he did not love her. Sure, he felt a special connection to her. After all, none of his other friends could understand his home life like Kagami could. He admired her deeply. She is a go-getter with a can-do attitude. She fears nothing, and never hesitates. He holds her on high regards, but he can now see that that is where his feelings for her end.

Adrien had hurt Kagami. He gradually and painfully broke her heart and did not realise that was the case until it was too late. He couldn’t see how much he was putting Kagami through, until her trust in him was almost completely gone. After all, if Kagami still trusted him, she would not have set that trap using the lucky charm Marinette gave him. Kagami was perceptive, and she knew Adrien was holding something from her. She gave him a final chance to come clean, but he simply could not explain himself. It was his deception that got Kagami akumatized again. He felt like her akumatization was on him, regardless of how out of his hand that affair was.

Each mask came with responsibilities for Adrien as the wearer, and the Chat Noir mask came with the biggest one. Even if he wished to show his true self to anyone, he couldn’t. Being one of Paris’s protectors required anonymity. He didn’t want to lie to Kagami. Even if in hindsight he could tell that their relationship was a stagnant one, Adrien would have loved to at least clear the air between himself and Kagami. She deserved an explanation, but he just could not provide one, not without putting her in danger and Paris on the line.

Adrien Agreste was tired. He didn’t want to have be perfect all the time. He was exhausted of always being told what to do. Not having any control over anything in his life was slowly wearing him out. He was teetering over the edge, and needed a reprieve. The only moments when he can let go, are when he is clad in a leather cat-suit. Considering the fact that said outfit comes with the duty of keeping Paris safe, it is certainly concerning to say that when he donned it is when he feels the freest.

Adrien was looking out of his bedroom windows when the severity of everything that transpired that day hit him. His hands went to grab onto his hair and a frustrated groan escaped him as he fell to his knees. He wanted to scream, cry, kick, and punch. His skin felt prickly. Air felt as though it was in short supply. He was restless, yet couldn’t move. He kept so much bottled up and hidden. Adrien felt like he was going to explode.

After what felt like hours but could just as easily have been seconds, Adrien stood up. His countenance became stony and unreadable as he let the words out, “Plagg, claws out”.

Chat Noir ran. He ran as fast as he could. He needed to get away, away from a neglecting home, away from endless responsibilities, away from the wounds he caused, away from his castle of lies. The further he moved, the easier breathing became.

Chat had no destination in mind. He just knew he wanted to escape, at least for a small while. He traversed the rooftops of Paris. His run was tense with rigid yet erratic movements. His turns were sharp and his pace gruelling. Chat wanted to burn. He had hurt someone dear to him. He deserved to feel at least a fraction of her pain.

The cool night’s breeze unrepentantly hit Chat Noir’s face, alerting him of the wetness beneath his eyes. His lungs felt as though they were on fire. His legs felt ready to fall off. He didn’t stop. He pushed himself harder.

A leap approached, for he was about to reach the end of the rooftop he currently found himself in. His legs were begging for respite, but he reproached it. He pushed himself off the ground and flew. His body however refused to keep enduring abuse.

Chat’s right leg does not stick the landing. His right shoulder takes the brunt of his fall, making him hiss. His momentum makes him roll around the rooftop. He stops and lies face-up. He lets out an embittered scream. His hands fly to his hair and pull hard in a pitiful attempt to ground himself. He pants heavily and stares at the sky.

Slowly, his breathing evens out. Chat sits up and brings his knees to his chest. He hides his face behind them, and lets sobs wrack his body as his tears run freely. He embraces his despair and agony. He feels horrible about himself, and for once, instead of keeping it all in, he lets it all out.

He stays like that for a while, impossible for him to say how long for with exactitude. He cries until he’s got no more tears left. Once the burden he carries feels at least a little lighter, he looks up.

Twinkling lights on a familiar balcony a few blocks away catch his attention. He stares curiously. It was 22:00 when he left his home. He is certain it has been a good while since he did. He knew Marinette was a night owl, but it seems like an odd time to be outside on her balcony, especially given how cold it was tonight. He studied his friend’s silhouette more closely. She was leaning on her railing, resting her cheek on one of her hands. She appeared deep in thought as she gazed into the horizon. Overall, she appeared quite dejected.

Marinette is one of the most amazing people he knows. She’s a beautiful, kind, gentle soul who is willing to do whatever it takes to help those she cares about out. She’s his Everyday Ladybug.

Lately, she has been having a rough time. Even though Marinette hasn’t said anything about it, Adrien could see how the circles underneath her eyes were growing darker every day. He could see how his bubbly friend who lit up every room she walked into was withering.

He could see Alya was becoming more and more concerned about her best friend. He could see how her boyfriend Luka got more and more restless asking her to let him in. Her friends kept trying to reach out, but Marinette kept pushing away with one excuse or another. Adrien knew something was wrong with her, but he had no clue what to say to her. If neither her best friend nor boyfriend seemed to be able to do anything about it, what could he do?

Adrien only knew one thing. His friend should never feel low. Marinette Dupain-Cheng deserved the world and then some. She was an ever-burning flame whose warmth uplifted everyone around her. That flame was getting extinguished, and a world without her light was not something Adrien wanted to see. Thus, he decided that he was simply not going to allow that to happen.

Feeling slightly better after his cathartic break down, Chat stood up with renewed purpose. He had hurt someone he cared about today, that was a wrong he couldn’t right anytime soon. He’s being given the chance to help someone else who is dear to him, to at least restore some sort of balance in the world. He’d be damned if he didn’t take it.

Chapter 2 →

Author's Note

So as I said in my introductory post, I am posting my works here and on AO3. I chose to do this because I feel like it is easier to interact with readers in here. I am more than happy to answer questions and reply to your comments.

Ko-fi