#cadvan

[seadolph]

finally got my hands on The Riddle. coloured some old doodles

[kaizokuseb]

i started reading the naming by alison croggon, which i read when i was a kid and barely remembered. i knew i loved it a lot back then, and my opinion so far hasn't changed! i didn't get very far yet because i started reading late and had to go to bed, but i didn't want to put it down ;-;

[shaythoven]

Stupid Pellinor rant coming through cuz I'm still rereading them and I'm still in love with these books.

So when I read these as a kid, The Crow was my least favourite cuz I mean, the first two books had me fully invested in Maerad and Cadvan as characters and then suddenly it's like, "let's take a look at what's going on 1000s of miles away with these characters you haven't had time to love yet" and yeah, of course I was impatient to get back to the main story and I kinda slept on The Crow a little bit. I almost did it again with this time reading it 15 years later. I wanted so badly to just read a fucking cliff notes version of The Crow and move right on to the last book in the series and get a resolution.

But man. There's a lot about this series that I just did not get when I read it as a kid cuz i think I was too young for it. And reading about Hem, this traumatized little boy who doesn't remember a time when he's been loved, get unofficially adopted by Saliman and experience having a loving parent for the first time makes me want to sob. Like, he is constantly at least slightly doubting that Saliman actually loves him and Saliman is basically screaming "I love this little boy more than the world itself and if anything happened to him I'd kill myself immediately" to anyone that will listen.

And because he can still tell Hem doesn't fully believe him, whenever he tells Hem with words that he loves him, he tells him in a language that it's magically impossible to lie in. It makes my fucking heart hurt. And the worst part is, I never finished this series when I read it the first time, and because I kinda mentally skipped over The Crow, I don't remember if Saliman survives. If he dies in this war and leaves Hem as an orphan for the second time I'm gonna kill Alison Croggon so help me God.

[longsightmyth]

I recently started rereading the Pellinor books because I used to like them quite a bit when I was 14 or so and I did a quick search on tumblr to see what kind of pellinor fan content there is here (there's not much). But what did come up was your chapter by chapter comparison with throne of glass from 2018.

Sorry to bring up a fucking 7 year old project of yours but I've been having so much fun reading one chapter of the Naming followed by your analysis of it. I've never even fucking heard of throne of glass, but I am living for you ragging on it (7 years ago)

The whole thing has brought back my crush on Cadvan from 15 goddamn years ago. I go to bed every night after reading a few chapters, kicking my feet and thinking about how sensitive and broody he is. It's pathetic. I feel like I'm 14 again. I should be working on my thesis.

I encourage you to work on your thesis!

But I'm not gonna lie, I did just grin reading this. If you want more Pellinor content, @wizardheart83 has a bunch of poetry etc!

[kynngi]

[booknerdinglasses]

I wanna see the books of pellinor turned into a movie series SO BADLY

[burnt-kloverfield]

Cadvan of Lirigon is the softest character, and I shall cry of his tenderness always.

[yarrowseed]

escape :0

this doodle was inspired by the Books of Pellinor by Alison Croggon, which are my absolute favorite high-fantasy books. I'm re-reading them currently (first time was over ten years ago), and am on the fourth and final book in the series. Have a Maerad and Cadvan racing back to Innail in the middle of a very bad storm...

[seadolph]

Stay and heal your hurt Lay down that brow of stone From this day forth my hidden heart Will be your own. from The Lay of Andomian and Beruldh

every so often I return to the Books of Pellinor...

[tamingicarus]

okay where are my Pellinor fans at? i have FEELINGS

[unoriginaltoast]

I think one of the reasons why I absolutely adore Aizawa Shouta from the BNHA fandom is because of my love of Cadvan from Alison Croggon’s Pellinor series. They’re a little different, but I definitely have a thing for tired 30-something who ends up teaching and training overpowered young people.

And yeah found family is my fucking jam

[commanderdazzle]

Even now, ten years later, people are still using the phrase "father figure" to describe the most polite, equal, and respectful romantic relationships in the history of YA fiction, and it's just like???! Way to tell on yourselves that you have weird relationships with your fathers.

I blocked them already, but someone used "father figure" to describe Maerad's emotions for Cadvan from the Books of Pellinor?!

I just finished rereading The Naming and never once did Maerad ever think of him as a father figure, and anyone who could think of their relationship like that after reading the scene right after the council meeting in Norloch is deluding themselves.

It was even worse ten years ago actually, when I had to be blasted by pornographic content of a 15-year old male Shounen hero and his mentor figure, while also being told that a girl and her canon love interest had a "father/daughter" relationship, because Tumblr pretends to like healthy, loving romance while actually having no idea what that looks like.

Like, having read the Books of Pellinor right after Eon and Eona (the Dragoneye Duology? Kingdom Of The Celestial Dragons? Did that series ever even have a proper title?) was an awakening, a breath of fresh air!! Eona's choice of love interests were between a bloodthirsty rapist and a man who attempted to murder her by choking her after she did something he perceived as disrespecting his manhood. (She got with the attempted murderer. I was pretty upset, but at least the other guy was dead.)

The worst that happens between Maerad and Cadvan was a few arguments, where both of them have both good and bad points, and extreme emotional trauma caused by tragic life stories.

Maerad and Cadvan are still the best romance in YA fiction, and if that's the kind of relationship y'all have with your dads, I'd be a little worried.

[spifflocated]

Oh dear. I’ve been rereading old favourite fantasy books as a way of dealing with The Horrors and I’ve just started The Gift by Allison Croggan. I regret to inform you that I once again massively fancy Cadvan of Lirigon.

[malkaleh]

When you have a niche OT3 for a tiny book fandom you are in fact me. But like, THEY ARE SO PERFECT TOGETHER I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

[lgvalenzuela]

Moments of happiness (a Handers fic cause of course)

Cadvan and Savana are from @thereluctantherosrose and our family au :3

.

.

.

If anything the highlight of Anders' day was when Ryann strolled down to the clinic to bring him some food, and probably stay for a while to chat. They did it almost daily, but alas today was not one of those days.

He opened the door to Cadvan, holding the container Ryann usually carried for the good. His disappointment must've been clearer than he expected because Cadvan smirked saying:

"I know I'm not my cousin but you don't have to look so disillusioned"

"It's not that, I can smell the food and it's not what I expected, that's all"

"Sure, sure"

He gave him the food and sat next to him asking how the clinic was doing:

"But just to know, is Ryann busy?"

"You didn't even answer my question, but okay"

"You know living in the sewers with templars coming every other day is delightful as ever" he paused "And the answer is?"

"They're not busy, I asked them to come myself today"

"Oh Cadvan, I didn't know you wanted to see me so badly, you move me" he said sarcastically

"I know, you're every Hawke's favorite person" he said dramatically "Anyway…"

Cadvan rummaged through his coat pockets until he pulled out a letter:

"Love letter?" asked Anders, continuing the joke

"You're more right than you know, but it's not for you or me, it's for Ryann"

Anders put the container down, to walk around the clinic:

"Why are you telling me this?" he finally asked

"One word and I'll never give it to them"

"Does your sister know you're here doing this?"

"Savana's with me in this"

"Is she?"

"Well sort off…"

"Cadvan…"

"Look, she supports whatever you and our cousin have going on as much as I do" he stood up, and put a hand on Anders' shoulder "You're like a brother to me so I'm not going to sugar coat it, you're a fucking idiot"

"...you could've sugar coat it a bit"

"Ryann's a fantastic person, somebody else has noticed, and it won't take long until someone else does"

"And what? Steal them from me? I don't own them Cadvan"

"And yet you've been eyeing the letter since I showed it to you, with barely contained anger showing through your lovely brown eyes" he waved the letter "I expect Justice to come out any minute now"

"I don't think Justice is as invested my relationship with your cousin like everyone else apparently is"

He felt a little pang on his chest, maybe he underestimated Justice. Whatever his friend felt for Ryann at this point, good or bad, he always cared about what happened to him:

"Who is the letter from?" he asked

"Sebastian Vael"

"What? The prince we helped that one time?"

"Seems Ryann made quite an impression on him, but well, can you blame him?"

"Not really, no" he said, his hands shaking, he put them on the table "Maybe he is better for Ryann than I am anyway…" he gritted his teeth

Saying that, and before Cadvan could dispute it, the table fell to pieces…A sudden burst of energy, maybe? He sighed:

"That was a good table…"

"We'll get you another one" said the young Hawke amused

He put the letter on Anders' pocket:

"Just do me a favor and think about it"

And with that he left. Anders immediately reached for the letter.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Cadvan seriously underestimated the content by calling it a love letter. He asked Leandra to consider giving him permission to court Ryann formally, maybe even marry them if given the chance. All very well written, polite and well…princely.

He would be amazed at how little it took for the eldest Hawke to catch someone's eye, but truly? He wasn't surprised at all, and he couldn't blame anyone. Especially since he…No, what did it matter now? What could he even bring to the table when people such as actual royality were interested.

And yet…he dared to hope, these years he had expent with the Hawkes, with Ryann, he dared to think somebody would love him unconditionally, just as he was. When Ryann looked at him, with that sweet smile, and told him what he said was important… He really thought nothing else mattered.

And that…was dangerous…

He reached to his chest, feeling the ardor, the passion, the anger he had felt time and time again, since that day, and maybe even before. Justice was calling out to him, he always had but now he couldn't stay idle while his friend hungered for freedom, for revolution.

Ryann gave him so much confidence, so much trust, for him they felt like the embodiment of hope, who found him when all seemed lost. Even then… couldn't imagine a future with them, not with everything… not when he couldn't give them the life they deserved.

Envy runned through his veins at the thought of someone so precious to him being with someone else. But he couldn't be as selfish to deny them of such pleasures of life, especially now that the family had aquired their titles and position once more.

Cadvan asked him to think about it, and so, he made his choice.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Ryann came like any other day, bringing some food that smelled too delicious for words (of all the things they could have decided to hold on with their heritage, everyone was glad they decided on food) And a warm smile, like the first signs of spring after a cold winter, that's the Effect they had on people, or at least him. They struck conversation with the remaining refugees while he ate what his friend had prepared, but like they usually did, they left the eldest Hawke alone with him to give him a bit of a rest, seemingly everyone knew they were his favorite person at this point:

"I'm glad Samuel is doing better" Hawke said suddenly, while they rummaged through Anders' things

He didn't care at this point, he was used to Ryann looking at everything like an hyperactive child, or taking his dirty clothes for cleaning or for patching up…Everyone was already used to that, cleaning Fenris' mansion by force if necessary or doing little renovations to Merrill's little house for suggestions Merrill made on a wim. Or any other elf on the Alienage, or random people on the street, well they did know every refugee by name at that point.

That's just the kind of person they were… giving, compassionate, friendly… naive maybe.

He felt that all familiar pang on his chest. He knew, he knew already. But he couldn't help falling a little bit more every day:

"Ryann I'd like to speak to you, before the refugees come back" he said closing the doors

"Oh? I'm all ears" they said putting Anders' shirt away

"I want to be blunt so… whatever we're doing right now… the kind of relationship we have…" he sighed "We should stop now"

Ryann didn't say anything at first, just came near him and stroke a lock of hair away from his face:

"Why are you scared?" they said

Again with that sweet smile, with that sympathetic look.

"Why shouldn't I be?" he asked

"That's a hard question"

"It is" he delicately took their hand away "Nonetheless, it's a vital question right now, given the circumstances"

"Why does this matter now? We've had this 'sort of relationship' for years now, why are you pulling away so suddenly?"

"It just dawned on me that… I can't see a future with you"

And he could see that stung, and took a hand to his chest. No he didn't want to hurt them like this, but be involved with him? It would hurt them so much more in the future.

He wanted so desperately to explain that, with his circumstances, it was difficult to picture a future at all… let alone bringing someone down with him… No he couldn't do that to Ryann.

And yet a look like that could make him crumble.

"Well that's strange, I can picture a future with you just fine" his friend said, looking down, frowning

They didn't know how much those words meant, or maybe they did but…

But he couldn't waver now.

"You can? With a runaway apostate? Being hunted by templars and Grey wardens alike? Here? Or any other place for that matter.

Is that the way you want to live?"

"Yes"

Didn't even hesitate, didn't even flinch. And that took him back a second.

"You deserve better Ryann"

"Who are you to decide what's best for me?"

"I am the other person on this whole equation, after all"

"And yet nothing you've said sounded like outright rejection to me. What? Are you comfortable flirting with me for three years and then tossing me aside? I think there's something else going on"

"Haven't you heard? There's a lot going on! The feelings of two people don't matter!"

"Well they matter to me"

"Would you put everything on hold just for that? I don't know if I can do that…"

"Well I think you've earned the right to be a little selfish… and honestly there's nothing wrong with… us…

I mean I support what you're doing, and you're always there to support me. Isn't that how our relationship has been since we met?"

"And can you promise you would be willing to make the necessary sacrifices if such a time comes?"

"What are you willing to sacrifice?"

"Everything"

Ryann's eyes welled up, but they didn't seem… mad… Just… worried:

"That's so unfair…"

"The whole system is unfair to people like me… like us… and I can't sit back and let it stay that way…

I can't promise you that you'll be my first priority… I can't give you money, land, not even safety… I have nothing to offer…

How can I comfortably start a relationship, when everything that'll come to you at my side is hardship and heartbreak?"

"How can you even say that? Have you forgotten I was a refugee too? Like these people you take care of every day…

Have you forgotten I've lived with runaway apostates, and is an apostate themselves? And you are fighting for people like me… like my mother who was murderers by templars… like Bethany who feared the Circle and the templars and…" they grasped for air "And didn't live to know someone who fights so we don't have to be so afraid anymore…

Have you forgotten you saved Carver?"

He could feel that heart tightening again. Not Justice this time, it wasn't that ardent like the thrill you get before a battle. It was warm like the first breeze of summer.

An overwhelming feeling of hope, and love. Like finding a home.

Justice did have a reaction however but it was… different than it was before. Maybe it was Ryann's compassion, or sympathy, or support. But he seemed confused, even more than he was. Maybe because he was starting to understand why he loved them so much.

But they did have one thing in common, like they usually did.

And he could feel a tear running through his cheek, and he couldn't tell who shed it this time:

"I'm so afraid Ryann…"

"Anders…"

"I don't want to harm you… and I don't want anyone to hurt you because of me either…

And I don't want to be apart… I don't want anyone to pull us away from each other… but I can't bare the thought of…" he crumbled, he could feel his voice cracking "I know we made a promise… and I know he asked me to do it… but…"

He covered his face, now soaking wet. Remembering Karl… the Circle… and that blasted day in the Chantry. Would he ever not second guess himself? Questioning if he did the right thing by keeping the promise they made so long ago?

Could he ever be ready to adore another person so fully… when everyone else always got hurt while he got away? Could he honestly believe the same wouldn't happen to Ryann?

And yet there they were, embracing him. Gently stroking his back:

"I understand… if you're not ready yet… but don't pull away… just because you fear what might happen…" they looked him in the eye "Oh… Justice…"

Ryann wasn't afraid when they said his name, just recognized an old friend and smiled:

"I didn't like the thought of you distracting us… But I forgot for a moment, Anders is human, and so am I now… Sometimes I see you through his eyes, and the few things that still keep us separate fade away faster every day…

I remember a time when the love people shared intrigued me, and I remember trying to help Anders find his past lover and his friend… And now I know the pain that comes from such intense feelings…

I don't want you to be hurt, because you're a good person, and a good friend…

But…"

"But you want to protect your feelings too… I understand, I know loss too… all too well…

And I can't promise there won't be hardship, bad times… but that's just life…

I want to fight through life with you"

Justice kissed them, as the only kiss he'd ever give them on his own. It made Ryann cry as they kissed him back, because it felt like a goodbye, as more than ever they were one. The man they loved.

Anders put their hand on his chest:

"What if there was someone better for you?" he asked

"Honestly, if anyone thinks that… I'll kick their ass for being a dirty liar"

He started laughing, and felt like he hadn't done that in a while.

They hugged tightly.

Anders gave Cadvan the letter back, it wasn't his call to decide if Ryann should read it or not. But at least for what was for sure a fleeting moment of pure happiness, he knew that even if they read it…

Ryann would still choose him.

[authorofemotion]

so much of The Bone Queen is just Cadvan being a sad little boy