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vacate-et-scire · 8 months ago

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Heyo! Could I get a matchup for Blue Lock? ( ≧∀≦)ノ💙

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

MBTI: ISFP

Appearance: Long wavy brown hair, fair skin, amber eyes. 1,68 m (5,6) - Average height tend to tall (Curvy).

Personality: Optimistic realist, Nightowl, Ambiviert, friendly and polite, a go with the flow person, i'm usually pretty chill, lazy bean who is a sleepyhead, i may be nice

and be good with all kinda of people but when someone gets over my boundaries/insults my family/acts disrespectful towards me I tend to get mean and say rude words, so don't mess with me :3. I'm trustworthy, keep secrets, and keep my emotions and feelings to myself. I'm very observant and read people well, so they can't manipulate me easily. Stubborn, Chaotic. Dark and sarcastic humour is my kinda humour. I'm also extremely sarcastic towards what I care about and will call them weird, adorable nickname as a sort of love language, whether it be platonic or romantic. People often call my smile pretty and call me very adorable. I'm always a happy girl, but they don't know my inside at all. Cheerful, mysterious girl. I tease the people I like and give them nicknames. I only open up easily when I vibe with someone, but if not, I'm distant and friendly.

Likes: Music, food, books, manga, anime, mythology, history, art, astronomy, my favourite animal is the red panda, stuffed animals, cats, and seafood.

Dislikes: Spiders, bugs, people that are obnoxious, dirt, coffee, math, being interrupted.

Hobbies: Dancing, Drawing, writing, Art, Gaming, watching anime, films and shows, going to the cinema, museum, shopping, Reading and collecting my favorite characters (usually husbandos from anime/ mangas) Nendoroids, acryl figure etc. I'm lying in bed at night and scrolling through Instagram reels, reading Wikipedia articles over historical stuff (always researching stuff I don't know).

I like smart, strong, witty, and funny guys who stimulate my intellect. As well teasing, somehow it's adorable and cute when you banter around together. Someone who i can be myself, be like besties who play together but also keep me stable. Someone who has a sharp tongue and doesn't hesitate to tell how he views things/his opinion.

Take your time, and thank you for doing that. Have a lovely day/night/ afternoon

( ﾟ∀ﾟ)人(ﾟ∀ﾟ )

Your Blue Lock Matchup: Michael Kaiser

Okay, hear me out here, Michael is obnoxious, and cocky, we see it all the time, but I think it would be different with his partner. If he is to love someone he would have to love them so so deeply for him to trust and get past his walls that he's put up, and you'd kinda have to teach him how to love and be kind, but he'd be listening eagerly because he wants to make you happy, only you, he values you and everything you hold dear. When considering your layered personality, Michael Kaiser stands out as your perfect-ish match. He's charismatic and sharp, which aligns seamlessly with your need for a smart, witty partner who can match your energy in playful banter and intellectual discussions.

Things would probably be very distant at the start, but as things settle, he will open up to you at the same pace you do. He loves a challenge, and your observant nature and strong boundaries would make him respect you deeply. Your ability to read people and stand firm when pushed would be very needed in your relationship with him, he tends to not always be completely truthful even to himself so to have a partner who might understand how he's feeling even when he's trying to push it all down it would absolutely make him melt.

Your teasing and sarcastic humour? It’s a language Kaiser speaks fluently. He likes to be... rude when talking to people but when it comes to his partner he tones it down, he loves to tease and pick small fun, it keeps the tone light and easy for him, comfortable. And while the more intimate moments are slightly uncomfortable for him since he doesn't completely understand love, yet he can't get enough of it from you.

Your artistic side and love for mythology, history, and astronomy would fascinate Kaiser. He’d love listening to you talk about your latest research rabbit hole or admiring your drawings, even if he doesn’t entirely get the nuances of art. He’d probably joke that your talent should be used to paint his portrait—but deep down, he’d be genuinely impressed and would see if you could sketch tattoo ideas for him.

Kaiser is the type who would absolutely spoil you. Whether it’s indulging your love of shopping, taking you to museums, he’d make sure you feel cherished. He's loaded, I mean the ace of his world-class team? He can afford to spoil you and really does like gift giving, although he prefers receiving since he's never gotten gifts for anyone before, but he's trying his best.

#🌸 match up #michael kaiser #michael kaiser x reader #michael kaiser x you

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brooklynislandgirl · 1 year ago

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SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

REPOST. Don’t reblog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

I will have to go with Jo's answer here and say every ship I have has something about it that makes it my OTP, something unique to us and our partner/their muse. And I don't want anyone to feel excluded or unloved or less loved than anyone else. I do think because she was literally created side by side with @morgansmornings that they share a deep bond that is both familial and the deepest sort of friendship. They are family. They are transcendent.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Platonic, familial, and romantic are all on the table with discussion ooc, time, and development. I will do pre-established on the first two but Beth is demisexual/quoiromantic, with a leaning toward sapioromantic. Meaning it takes bonding with someone before she even feels anything 'below the belt' so to speak, and doesn't really understand/distinguish the difference between romantic/platonic feelings, treating them both in the same way, but she does have a very slight preference toward people who can engage her mentally, and seduce her with their awkward intelligence. Toxic ships can be a thing with huge boundaries. The boundary is how comfortable with you as a friend, ooc, regardless of what we are writing. Currently I will be willing to do toxic with: Mischa/Larry { @thebiggestlies }, My Dear Prince and Ionaka {and potentially Na Baron Feyd Rautha @nightmarefuele }, Shades of Ben { @kylo-wrecked }. And I live for the hate-ship of Lorcan and Beth with @macdiari, whose mun is totally one of my bffs which makes it funnier. We can have meetings about the rest. Dubcon/non-con, etc...has to be plotted to within an inch of its life, I don't care what Beth says.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable? Age is not a really a thing with Beth when it comes to her significant other as long as they are a little over 'of age' {18-21}. She has literally one ship where this isn't the case and her paramour is 15 and she's 25...and it isn't what many people would assume, both of them are broken hearted. This a unique situation with @macdiari. Beth does have a penchant for older partners. Let the 'daddy issue' jokes commence.

Are you selective when shipping?

I would say yes. I only ship with chemistry. And by that I mean myself and the mun as much as the muses. Shipping requires a delicate balance between interest, trust, compatibility, goals... writing something fictional that isn't just pwp is not unlike building a real-life relationship. I want to get to know the other mun. I want us to have in-jokes, I want for us to be comfortable talking about everything and anything even if we might not always agree. I want us to be friends, first.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

I guess I follow the TV guidelines. We can write up to a certain point but once there's body parts that you wouldn't see on network television, it should probably get a tag. I don't care if there's a read more {I will occasionally do that for terminally long posts}, if my partner is more comfortable with one, great. If they prefer it on a different blog, awesome. If you want to write it on discord? Go ahead and add me, fren. I try to faithfully tag certain things because Beth is just...wrong and a lot of her hobbies and interests tend to be really morally questionable at best.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

Beth tends to be drawn to people who are neurologically divergent, biologically divergent, other-worldly, empowered, and the like. She is drawn to those who are lonely, othered, or unusual because there is so much in them she sees in herself. And if Beth happens to fall in love, she is neither likely to mention it, nor does she expect for the feeling to be returned. For Beth, love is love. So if you see someone on my dash, unless it's brand new just met you, know that they are cared for, and will always be someone important. As I consider every mutual mun and their muse{s} as some kind of relationship {platonic, familial, romantic, or enemy...I can't really list *every* blog. Sorry.}

Does one have to ask to ship with you?,

I mean it's nice to be asked, so at least I know in broad-strokes what sort of relationship you, the other person, might like but also the fiction can often dictate the course of how things go :)

How often do you like to ship?

I am not gonna lie. I love watching and writing how Beth interacts with people. How she slowly starts to unfold around them and what leads her to becoming involved with other folk.

Are you multiship?

Yes. And multiverse, too. One of the best things is when you have a multi-verse partner and get to see how your ships and theirs change from friends to other things, depending what verse your in, and how everyone can make a community with that information.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

Ship more or less. I love it as much as the next person but that's not the sole purpose of my blog.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

I am still waiting for Olivia and Elliot to get married. IYKTYK.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Let me know what you want? Be patient. We'll talk boundaries, desires, needs, and build it/grow it as it goes.

Tagged by: my darling @betwitchingbaker

Tagging: Heave ho, thieves and beggars....

#Absolutely True Stories about Turtle #She's Talking to Angels {Bethisms}

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sleepy-shutin · 1 year ago

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content warning for discussion of sex/sexual intimacy below the cut. this is very long and dissociated and slightly triggered. Advice appreciated but not required.

i wish i could see more people talking about how to navigate sex and (sexual) intimacy with DID/sexual trauma.

my girlfriend has sexual trauma as well, so she understands a lot of it. she's shared quite a bit with me, but in a lot of ways it seems like she's way ahead of me in navigating her trauma. she doesn't have it fully processed or anything, it still affects her, that sort of thing is always going to affect a person, but it doesn't stop her from being a relatively happy person with what seems like a pretty healthy relationship to sex, all things considered. most of the time she really does seem to feel very comfortable with it, much more comfortable than i am.

i'm so dissociated from myself that i can't even imagine myself in a sexual situation without getting triggered, even though i/parts of me have been in completely consensual sexual situations with her before. the idea of being touched sexually makes me want to pull my skin off, and my boundaries and desires constantly flip flop rather inconsistently. it's hard to determine if i'm actually asexual or if i just need to help my body understand 'good touch' or something, since 90% of everything i've ever known (or parts of me) has been 'bad touch'.

half the time i struggle to even be able to verbalize any kind of sexual boundary because the shame and fear choke me. not that i necessarily force myself into situations i don't want to be in, but i struggle to be present, i struggle to verbalize what i want, i struggle to talk about the trauma or how i feel at all.

when we're together, it feels like i'm 'so close, yet so far' from her. i could reach out and touch her, but it's not my hand, it's not my body. fingertips tracing on her hips and belly, her chest, her face, but the sensation isn't there. i could tell her anything and everything, but my voice is somewhere else, it's saying other things and I can't find where it's coming from.

How am I supposed to be with her if I can't even muster up the courage to write down that I have sexual trauma on a piece of paper to give to a doctor? I can't say it, I can't say anything, and I can't say it to anybody in my life.

All I want is to be able to talk about it, to talk to her. I want to get over the shame, I want to know how to navigate this so that I can be present with her, but I can't. Even now, I'm pretty sure I just switched in the middle of writing this because I can't handle talking about it without losing myself.

I hardly even remember most of it, and yet it's so deeply pervasive, so wound into my mind that nothing can cut through it. It's in my head, too close to the brain stem to remove it; inoperable. It'll be there forever, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Left At London's song Choke is something that speaks to me quite a bit. The softness, the intimacy, the hesitance, the desire, the longing.

"Turn the lights off, baby Can you heal my heart? Can you choke me harder Before I fall apart?"

"Turn the lights off, baby Can I make you come? If I can't feel pleasure Can I give you some?"

That last part especially resonates with me as someone who is stone. I hate saying it's because of the trauma, it makes me feel like another part of me is just becoming defined by all of the worst things I've ever experienced, but likely is. I probably wouldn't be like this if I weren't such a deeply fucked up person.

Lately I've been finding myself disconnected from myself sexually. I have the desire, but I struggle to feel any of it physically for any significant length of time, but this lyric is comforting.

I'm starting to lose track of what this is even about, probably because it's 04:00 in the morning now, I'm tired, I'm dissociated, I've had this on my mind for ages.

I just don't know how to be like this. I don't know how to work through it, or around it. I never see people talking about this or how to be with someone when you're like this. I barely even know what I want because I'm so badly dissociated from myself and everything around me. No amount of self experimentation is going to make sense or change things for me, no amount of practicing talking about it in the mirror or in a journal makes it any easier, no amount of my girlfriend being understanding and accommodating of the modicum of bullshit I've told her about makes it any easier.

In fact, for reasons I haven't been able to pinpoint, her being so accommodating feels even worse than if she weren't receptive. I don't know why. She listens, she tells me it's okay, she doesn't judge me, and it makes me want to pull my skin off.

Maybe it's the schizoid traits acting up, I don't know.

It feels like I'm getting too close to something so hot and bright that I'll burn up if I get too close. When we touch, it's like the energy inside of us will kill us both.

I don't know, maybe I'm just too fucked up to fix this right now. Maybe it won't get fixed. Maybe it's nothing, maybe I'm just weird for no reason. I already forgot most of what I wrote here. I need to go to bed. Maybe I'll delete this later.

#txt #s #???#minors dni

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reinemichele · 1 year ago

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Also... I decided not to put this in the new cat post, both bc I didn't want it to get long and I decided to leave the reblogs on it bc the pictures are cute, and I didn't want This portion to be reblogged. I know a lot of people feel the same way I do, and that's a great thing, but I don't... want a lot of attention on my posts or blogs. The trauma, etc. So I don't want this to escape containment but still want to talk about it, and am turning reblogs off. Like, this is a journal entry that I'm letting people see at a sleepover, not a speech I've prepared for my public speech and debate class. You know?

So, that preamble out of the way: I feel like... a resigned frustration about people Still clinging to the myths that cats are cold, unloving, distant, only around humans for food, only tolerate us and think we're stupid, etc etc. Or express surprise when they see examples of cats being loving and affectionate. (I... don't want to talk about the stupid ass misogyny and bioessentialism being applied to cats, but that too)

Like, it really truly isn't difficult to befriend a cat and in turn receive their affection. All you have to do is 1) show them, consistently, that you are safe and don't pose a threat to them 2) go at their own pace and respect their boundaries/comfort zone (like, hold your hand out for them to sniff instead of petting them straight away; don't force them to cuddle just because you want to) 3) treat them with unconditional love, initiate moments of affection occasionally instead of waiting for them to initiate each time (like, call them over, talk/meow/sing to them, get out their favorite toys to play with, etc. Do things that convey that their love is reciprocated.) 4) try to understand and read their body language, and back off when they give warning signs like twitching tails or flattened ears 5) provide them with fresh food, water, litter boxes, a clean environment

These things are basically tweaks on the foundations of establishing a friendship with another human, obviously the last one aside. So, why do so many people have an issue with the idea of treating an animal like their an autonomous being whose personal space should be respected? (Rhetorical question). I know that this is the ND, struggles socially, just had a viral poll about not knowing how to make friends, website-- but generally speaking, the people who make comments about cats being mean and unloving aren't the people who make up this site's userbase. ND folks honestly tend to have a much easier time socializing with animals than humans, for a variety of reasons.

I personally hate being touched, so I never had to be taught about respecting a cat's space and boundaries. Part of that is taking the "do unto others" rule very literally and to heart, and part of that is that I don't want to make any other living creature feel the way I do when I'm touched without permission. It doesn't matter if that's a cat, or a bug, or another person. But there's lots of ways to be ND, and like I said, a variety of factors that contribute to us connecting with animals easily.

And I know it's a harsh thing to say, but if your cat is genuinely cold, distant, tolerates you, etc... it's most likely due to something you've done as their owner, not in the "inherent nature" of an entire species, especially a domesticated one. Maybe you make a lot of noise that scares them, maybe you use negative reinforcement (Does Not Work On Cats) like squirting with a water bottle. Maybe you yell at them. There's a lot of things that can make a cat feel afraid of you and fracture their trust in you. Maybe you force them to cuddle and hold them in place when they try to get away.

I think the idea that cats only like us for food stems in part from what I discussed briefly in that previous post, people who exclusively feed their cats dry food. Most dry foods, especially the cheaper ones, are full of fillers of vegetables and carbohydrates like wheat, which cats cannot digest. Cats are obligate carnivores that need to eat meat, and specifically the protein taurine, which is typically found in abundance in the heart of other animals. So feeding cats a diet of only dry food is like if your parents fed you potato chips for every meal. You'd eat a large quantity in an attempt to feel full, but your body would make it known that its needs aren't being met. So, cats fed only dry food cry for more food more often, wake their owners up at early hours and aggressively, get more persistent when their meal is 1 hour behind (like the jokes about daylight savings). People get automatic feeders, but that doesn't solve the nutrition deficit, so it doesn't solve the cat's "behavior" (cries for help! to the person responsible for their care!) and both the cat and owner become increasingly frustrated with each other. The desperate eating of more dry food to get the nutrition they need is the cause of a lot of the overweight cats you see, and can lead to hypertension, kidney disease, diabetes, depression, lethargy, apathy, chronic joint pain, difficulty jumping/exercising around the house which makes all the above issues more difficult to combat, etc.

Most people . Only feed their cats dry food because it's cheaper than buying wet food . And I Try to be understanding about like, poverty, the housing crisis, economic turmoil, price gouging, etc etc. But if you want a cat, you're committing to at least 10-18 years of providing for this animal. If you can't afford to actually provide for them and meet their needs, you need to, like, play a pet-raising sim instead of fucking up an animal's health in irreversible ways, or making them loyal to you out of fear. This animal is supposed to be your friend, supposed to trust you implicitly and have a mutual bond of unconditional love.

I've never had any difficulties making friends with cats; the only time a cat never became receptive to my company was one that had been in a very abusive household. Neighbors and family friends' cats have all quickly sought out my attention and pets/cuddles. My cats have all been affectionate, trusting, and receptive to my emotions/physical pain. I have enough examples to fill its own post, but trust me when I say that every day my cats show through consideration, companionship, body language, and seeking out pets/cuddles, that they love and trust me, and my family. (Actually, I had a cat that would pee in one of my abusive aunts shoes whenever she visited our house <3 That cat said "your vibes are rancid and you're not welcome here")

This post is already pretty long, so I'll wrap it up here. I just wish that more people would put in the effort to learn/understand cat's body language and meet cats halfway instead of expecting cats to act like dogs do. (AND . I wish people would apply the above listed steps to how they treat dogs . You should be respecting their personal space and showing them respect too, asshole!) If you know what to look for re: a cat's body language, you'll see that they're telling us in a myriad of ways how much they enjoy our company, respect us, love us, etc.

#erin talks #text #this post will be deleted if Anyone starts shit over it #but I mean every word . cats and dogs have spent tens of thousands of years alongside us #as our companions and being bred for jobs . don't you think that in the modern day #we should give them a life of comfort and respect and unconditional love?#I don't expect anyone to be exactly like me and like sit on the floor so that my dogs can lie on the couch #or stand at the kitchen tearing up lunch meat for my pets before I eat my own dinner; I know my household is ridiculous #but I wish people focused on treating their pets like family instead of conveniences or sources of a power trip #even tho they can't understand spoken languages they can understand the tone of our voices; when we're disrespecting them #when we ignore their body language; when we half-ass things; when we use them as a thing to control for our egos; etc #(and obv a lot of these things apply only to cats/dogs; other pets require different things & sometimes Shouldn't be humanized to the point #we see human traits in cats/dogs; a reptile or fish has drastically different needs & you need a different mindset for them)#long post

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you-and-him · 1 month ago

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I'm not sure how much I should get into this since I've been trying to move on from what happened with lily.

I've been hurt by their actions. So have many others. And I don't condone any of them.

A lot of what happened with me is tied up with Si's end.

We had an rp, the rp had a falling out (due to a number of factors and a lot of them pertaining to them pushing a lot of uncomfortable things into the roleplay without proper discussion between ALL parties involved.

Or sometimes making me feel pushed to deal with heavy topics that I had some qualms about (i.e. in one case where a character was being heavily abused on stage and was getting threats of SA) and while (from what I remember) they admitted the SA was too far with me having to sort of...nudge them to realize that, they really started their heels in about the abuse (which is something that, admittedly, I'm triggered by due to my own past trauma's with my parents growing up).

But even when I brought up qualms up about the threats of SA...similar things kept happening with their characters in terms of SA.

Repeatedly.

Instances where they'd either try to nudge the line or outright cross it even though they were asked not to.

Yes, there were some instances where they came to me about certain things and we would talk them out. But there were others where they did not. And even if they did come to me, I know a LOT of things were not discussed with Si. And his input is equally as important because of his involvement and his reading over the RP.

Consent is important.

I understand lily has past trauma's. They deserve to be respected. But to try and push something onto other individuals who aren't comfortable with it or can trigger will be something I never condone.

I know I also wasn't perfect in the rp either. Si and I have discussed the things that I did as well, at length. And I spoke to lily as well about what I may have done in the rp that hurt them when I approached them about another matter (the one in which Si mentions where we both tried to speak with lily about their vague posting about him on their queenlilithprime tumblr).

With lily it did not go well. But I won't divulge too far into that.

I have other issues with lily outside of what they brought into the rp that, like this, are very personal.

There were instances where I tried to state my boundaries with them only for it to be flipped into how they were hurt with no real goal to change themselves for the better.

And then all of this to cultivate into finding out that they were lying about me and Si to others was extremely painful to learn. This was a person I trusted with my game, my accounts, and with some things about my own personal life.

It's worse knowing HOW many people I've heard that were effected by them. Not just me, but as you can see in this reblog, Si and Cinders as well. Neither of which deserved the treatment they got.

And not just Si and Cinders either. But their entire fandom as a whole got betrayed by thinking they were getting something that never came to fruition and learning the truth. What lily did to other developers (whom I won't name since I know some have spoken on the matter and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by dragging them into topics they probably wish to move on from) and so many more.

This situation overall was heartbreaking. It still effects how other people interact with each other to this day. It broke a lot of trust within the community as a whole.

It's also made me realize just how much one person can effect others. And if I've ever caused anyone the heartache that I and many others have received due to one persons actions?

I'm so unbelievably sorry for it.

And I hope that those affected will approach me so we can talk it out and I can give something that's heartfelt to you and something that you deserve.

On that note...I hope we can all heal from what happened and work as a collective unit to make a better community. To communicate and learn from our mistakes.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for listening.

I hope you all are staying warm and safe.

-Hermit 💙

Note: Please do not harass anyone within the situation we are just coming forward to share our experiences and why we no longer associate with QueenLilithPrime. We ask that you respect our privacy and our ability to speak about what has happened and how it has affected us. Thank you. 💙

Speaking up about my Experience

Hi, it’s Si.

This post has been sitting in the back of my mind for a while now, well before the last callout post that made QLP quit developing Restart Heart and abandon their accounts. At the time, I just wanted to be free of them and not get dragged into a situation I wasn’t apart of. Now that things have settled and I feel like a can breathe again, I feel like I’m at the point where I’m ready to talk about my experience with QLP over the course of the last two years.

I’ll be clear, this isn’t to drag them further, it’s in the past now, they’re gone, they can’t hurt me more than they already have. This is more just to get things off my chest and an attempt to reclaim my peace. Sitting with it isn’t helping my mental health, I want to move on in a way that feels right to me. I won’t be sharing screenshots unless it’s absolutely necessary, but there are multiple witnesses and people involved who have seen and heard the full story or have witnessed events first hand being in mutual discords together. Most of the evidence to what I’m about to detail was erased when Lily nuked their discord servers, but I still have access to a great many I took personally while venting and explaining the situation to friends close to the situation.

I’m going to be blunt: a lot of this is stupid.

The amount of time it had dragged on, how all of this started, how much it’s affected not only me, but other friends and people dragged into the situation, but at the same time, I don’t think anyone imagined just how bad things were under the surface.

I can’t exactly point to what started the strain between Lily and me specifically, but a big turning part in our friendship was them (not so kindly) asking me to stop making fan content of Kenneth and, later, a falling out due to an rp group between them, UnknownHermit, and myself. I won’t be going into too much detail on all that happened here, but what I will touch on is a disregard for comfort and boundaries, jealousy over my fan ship working when theirs crumbled over their own story plots and actions/reactions to other characters (some that heavily included SA and a plot that essentially equated to emotionally cheating on their character’s husband), disregarding my and my character’s feelings repeatedly- including telling me “I’m sorry I have more time to roleplay than you” when I brought up that I felt left behind and that it was effecting my character’s stories in favor for theirs/focus solely being in them due to how often I work (32-40 hours a week in a kitchen)…..

I could go on, it was a messy situation. I would like to be clear that in the initial situation (ie when it was just the three of us involved) there wasn’t any one person at “fault”, but Lily viewed themselves as the victim. This will be evident further on in my post, but there’s a few events I have to touch on before we get to that point. I would also like to mention that part of the reason this dragged on for so long was because Hermy and I were trying to figure the situation out in a mature manner while still trying to maintain what, at the time, we viewed as an important and close friendship.

Oh, how we were fucking wrong.

During what I would say would be the middle of all this, Lily dragged us into a community situation. I’m not going to beat a dead horse: that could’ve been handled better by everyone involved and I’m sorry for my part in the situation and the hurt it caused. Tensions were already high, and it was easy to get swept in to what seems like a personal vendetta against someone that was also a former friend of Lily’s looking back on it now. What became of that situation was a discord server created for devs and creators to interact together, talk about community issues, and, most importantly, talk their issues out with each other in a less public and hurtful way as seen with what happened with that situation. Unfortunately, I never got to use this section, but after countless tries to actually communicate with Lily, it became evident that it wouldn’t DO ANYTHING. Not for lack of trying and effort, but for Lily’s lack of being mature and accepting fault and accountability for their own actions- much like how they’ve ran their actions coming to light in these past few months.

Side tangent: Lily made that venting blog because Hermy and I had confronted them on a vague post they made about me, though they claimed it wasn’t. Fast forward to the callout post by @the-n109-zone and reading through the posts on PrincessofHallowness, I could point out a few posts that were directly referencing either myself or Hermy that weren’t shared in the screenshots. I can confirm that this was their account.

Now, the next part of the timeline is a little tricky: one because there’s the part where I believed that what happened between Hermy, Lily, and myself was still between the three of us, and the actual fact of the matter that Lily was going behind our backs and not only badmouthing the two of us, but also LYING about us and the situation (both straight up or by omission and twisting things so it sounded better in their favor). I didn’t find out about this until much later (November 2024), so we’ll start with the Summer of 2024 where a lot of this came to a head. THIS is where the fault turns onto Lily’s shoulders in my opinion and where the rp group situation becomes a separate issue to where we are now.

During the Summer of 2024, Hermy pulled away from Florescent Red Studios, and Lily took that as an end of their friendship when that, at least for that moment of time, wasn’t the case and was Hermy setting another boundary for herself. This is all I will say about this as it’s up to Hermy whether or not she wants to give her side of the story, but the context is relative for what came next.

I didn’t notice it at first or all at once, but, gradually, Lily started interacting with me less and less both publicly and in private after Hermy and them stopped being friends. When they did interact with me, it was a mix of love bombing and lashing out at me; which as you can imagine caused more strain and confusion for the people who witnessed it first hand, as well as putting an awkward sort of tension between me and the rest of the group. At the time, I feel like I couldn’t say anything or speak up about it to anyone and was still trying to talk and communicate with Lily, as well as be friendly and interact with each other as we had previously before the rp group imploded. That, and I didn’t want cause a whole stink with something that still might’ve had a chance of smoothing out. Once again, I was oh, oh so wrong.

At some point, I realized that I was only being pinged or dmed by Lily to talk about racial stuff, particularly BIPOC topics, issues and the like. It wasn’t like they hadn’t asked for my input before on such topics, but it was pretty noticeable by then that they only wanted to talk to me if they needed me to “educate” for them. I confronted them on this, but it wasn’t taken seriously.

Here’s where I’ll add some screenshots for context

Within 9 days of each other, Lily awkwardly pinged me in a chat I wasn’t apart of to talk about AAVE. I don’t talk about it a lot, but I’m extremely whitewashed and it’s a big insecurity for me to not be as connected to my identity as a Black nonbinary man. This is something Lily was aware of, so at the time it really hurt me and stood out to me just what exactly they were doing. Then, 9 days later, I get this dm:

This never rubbed me the right way, including making it on ME to give them suggestions in how to fix their actions. I don’t think I have to explain to you why that’s wrong, but just in case: if you’re not a part of a particular race or culture instead of making it another person’s job to teach you, learn from the countless resources at your disposal instead of falling back on us (the POC) to make sure it’s “right”. Also, for the love of goodness, ask yourself what YOU can do to make people feel more included and how you can better YOURSELF to understand others around you.

Not to mention: if you’ve read both of their Juneteenth posts, there are little to no changes in the actual text other than showcasing more spites of other POC characters they had besides Bess.

And it didn’t just stop there. I asked Lily for space at least four times and never got it, the most they’d give me was a week or two before essentially forcing me to talk to them before I was ready to. I had a lot of emotions I didn’t have the proper time to figure out and ONCE AGAIN I wanted to try and find some way things could either end peacefully, or a way to move on without causing this big issue. I started to slowly come around to the discord less often because of them and how they would constantly put down any attempt to talk to others about what I was interested in. This includes but not limited to:

One of Ziggy’s ocs Anteo

Homicipher

Degrees of Lewdity (which I get is not for everyone, but we made a separate channel for them to block as well as a few people making side accounts so Lily avoid engaging with the content/discussion: they kept engaging despite saying they didn’t like it , and that made people uncomfortable for those of us who did play the game.)

Love and Deepspace (highly speculative that the real reason they didn’t like the game is because I was into it, much like everything else on this list.)

I won’t lie, it felt very isolating. How do you speak up for yourself when you feel like you can’t? I’m not a dev (well, just yet), I’m a small fan artist with like- 150 followers at the most. A small Black creator with what was one of the loudest voices in the community glaring me down from behind their screen, almost BEGGING me to do something about it so they could flip it on my head becuase I felt like I couldn’t connect or be friends with anyone they were friends or acquaintances with. And I only say this NOW knowing what was actually going on behind my back.

Now, I will say, it’s hard to really break my spirit in the way they tried to. For one reason or another, I didn’t end up leaving the server, or the community probably like Lily wanted me to. I stayed to my own little section in the server where I knew they wouldn’t pop in, and eventually through playing LADs, I became really close friends with @indycinders purely out of simping for the 4 available boys at the time. I was also talking with @papaziggy-devblog back and forth about little things here and there, mostly because Ziggy noticed a lot of the tension and strain and asked me personally what was going on. It took a while for me to really open up about EVERYTHING with both of them. While Ziggy was aware there was strain, they didn’t know the full extent of it until I became closer with Cinders and finally came to the breaking point after hearing the FULL story.

In November of 2024, after feeling like Cinders was someone I could actually trust for the first time in months outside of Ziggy and Hermy, I broke down to her about Lily and the falling out that happened. While I was prepared for the worst to happen, what I wasn’t prepared for was the “I know.” Thinking about it now still makes me tear up: the last time I had cried that hard was when my dog passed away in 2018 after getting hit by a car. That was the moment I felt myself break and acknowledged all the pain and hurt I had been feeling because of what Lily was putting me through.

And then the pain got worse when Cinders shared what Lily had been doing in private.

The whole time I had been suffering in silence, Lily was twisting the situation in DMs and private groups to make Hermy and I look like the villains, both in the rp group situation and what came after. Lily lied about why I stopped engaging/talking to people I would often chat with daily, lied about crossing our boundaries and going as far to say we were “over exaggerating” when trying to communicate with them about our issues with them, their writing, what have you.

Lily went as far to run to two other Indigenous POC when I confronted them about being a token to vent about the situation and essentially try and have them say that I was “wrong” for doing so and was dming mutual friends to stop playing games that they played and enjoyed talking with me about.

Being real and emotional for a second: can you even imagine how fucked up that is to realize? That you had the INKLING of an idea that was his was the case but no proof to back it up?

It was a wave of both relief and panic: okay, I know it’s true, but what am I supposed to do about it? The most I could do was vent at the time, and I’ll forever be grateful for Cinders, Hermy, Ziggy, and a few other friends for becoming my biggest support group in a time where I felt like I had little to nothing. To this day, I still don’t know who else Lily might have done this with, but I was happy to be in a safe space finally and stayed there so I can process…. All of this.

So, what came of it?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Before the callout post, we were wrapping our brains trying to figure out how things could end quietly without a major blowup. And while I DID eventually end the friendship with Lily, I did it while not addressing all of the issues or standing up for myself. I’ll admit- I was tired and I folded instead of confronting them about what I knew at this point of time, and I’m kicking myself for it now and making up for it by sharing my experience.

SS of that conversation for clarity and just…highlighting that I was still giving them more grace than they showed me or ever deserved.

Keep in mind: I KNOW they’ve been pulling the wool over my eyes at this point. I know they’re pulling the nice routine to save face for their narrative. I just wanted to be done with it. But I wasn’t. They kept putting me down, they kept trying to turn our mutual friends against me even after we stopped being friends and I gave them plenty of space in mutual communities and servers.

Lily really thought people wouldn’t notice: both those who knew about the situation and were involved and those who didn’t know anything at all were starting to have their doubts even if they didn’t explicitly say my name.

I wanted to avoid this, having to make one of these posts. It’s takes a lot of vulnerability, accountability for your own actions, and knowing that opinions won’t be in your favor 100% of the time even if you’re telling your own truth. But….at least I’m doing that: telling the truth. I’m not hiding, I’m not running from my past self, I’m trying to be open and honest.

I wanted to be honest about where I’ve been and why I keep flipping back and forth between being motivated to make a comeback and then going silent for months, why my mental health has been so low lately, why I haven’t been creating as much as I have in the past, and that couldn’t happen unless I opened up about the abuse of my trust, friendship, and identity as a person of color.

I wanted to be honest about why I’ve stopped talking to many people I considered to be good friends because of how Lily was attempting to poison so many mutual friendships.

I wanted to be honest:

I have not been okay for so long that I’m finally starting to remember what feeling normal feels like now that they’re gone. It sounds harsh to me to say even with everything I’ve been through: but I can’t say I’m not glad that they’re gone and that someone else made a post before I was ready to. Putting their game aside, I really want to convey how badly this was effecting not only me, but Hermy, Cinders, Ziggy, and others close to them that weren’t aware of what was going on behind the scenes.

Personally: I don’t want Lily to ever come back, but unfortunately they’ve left not only their community, but particularly me and a few mutual friends, in need of something more than an apology: Lily owes us a game or a proper refund. I doubt either would happen, but it’s infuriating that they’ve abandoned Restart Heart because they can’t be a fucking adult. Continuing to be raw and allow myself to speak openly now that I’ve gotten through the bulk of this post, we’re owed SOMETHING. A final product or refund to those of us who have paid into their patreon, particularly those of us who paid for a cameo in their game, are owed something more than “I’m pulling the game, here’s an unfinished product and a spoiler” while still taking our money and running.

I’ve attempted to get a refund for the $50 paid for my in game cameo ONLY, not the additional payments of $5-$20 tier content , just to be tossed between patreon and my bank telling me to contact Lily, the seller, when that is not possible. Even if I DID and they saw the message, they wouldn’t respond as I’ve been informed that they’ve ghosted anyone they considered close to them.

Now, putting that all into context, and being one of the people close to the project and its development near the end of its lifespan….what can I say? I wish I could do something to make up for Lily’s failures and to give the community some sort of closure as someone who contributed to RH’s writing both in the main game, the dlc, and side game that I was supposed to be a part of.… but…. no amount work experience, both professionally and as a hobby, is worth being treated like this.

Nothing is worth being treated like this and being forced to quiet yourself and become someone’s attack dog.

Some of you wanted clarity, some of you want to trust in Lily still, but I can say for a fact that they have tarnished and burned any trust I have for them. I’ll be more civil than they have been to me and hope that one day they grow as a person, but that’s it. That’s all I’m willing to give them at this point.

I’m tired. I’m done.

….

I miss my friends.

I miss having fun.

I miss creating.

I miss the person I used to be.

I’m done being quiet. I want to do my best and enjoy creating and sharing my ideas again and I’m fucking done letting this cloud hang over my head.

I don’t expect anyone to forgive me or suddenly be friendly towards me again, but I at least want the chance to move on and be myself without this weird sort of pressure over my neck to keep me quiet anymore. I want to be seen for me, flaws and all, and not an extension of someone using my knowledge and words to push and add weight their own.

And, if I can…. I’d just like to reconnect with my friends again and others I’ve enjoyed talking to over the years. I’d also just like to move forward as a creator both in the yandere space and in other areas of interest. Hopefully by speaking up and saying something, I’ll actually feel like I’ll move on.

Even now as I prepare to hit the post button, I’m filled with clarity and a sense of relief instead of anxiety for the first time in a long time. And….if you made it this far….thanks for listening from the bottom of my heart. ❤️

One last note: don’t harass Lily’s former friends, that’s not fucking cool. We want to move on, if someone wants to talk about their experiences, then they will. Don’t force people to do anything they don’t want to. I’m only speaking up because I never got the chance to and it’s against everything that I stand and fight for to be silenced in the way I’ve allowed myself to be. Do not harass anyone, just….send a little loving and understanding if you can to those applicable.

#queenlilithprime #qlp #you and him #unknown hermit #si #hermit #cinders #our experiences

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moo-nstone · 4 years ago

Text

blockages that the placements need to work through

here are some things i’ve been working on ft. the astrological placements that i believe they’re revelant to, in case anyone else needs this

sun aspecting venus, harsh aspects to the ascendant - saying no. it’s not so much like... a need to say yes to please other people, but a fear of saying no and facing the repercussions of it. lately i’ve been trying to simply say no to things that make me uncomfortable because turns out i do have a great difficulty setting boundaries lmfao. when my male friends make a sexual comment about me, i just say “stop, don’t talk about me like that” and when people invite me to hangouts that i don’t have the energy to go to i simply say “i won’t go, but thank you for inviting me”. the most difficult part is dealing with the guilt that comes with refusing others, and i’m telling myself that it’s okay to piss people off if it’s to maintain my feeling of safety

moon in capricorn, moon harshly aspecting saturn - letting myself depend on others. i’m coming to terms with the fact that i’m not as big of a lone wolf as i believe myself to be lmfao. like, it’s okay that i depend on my emotional bonds sometimes! it’s okay to allow myself to love with no restrictions, with no “but i can’t let them see me vulnerable”, with no “what do i get out of this connection?”, no “oh i have to be nonchalant about how much i care for them or else they’re gonna know they have power over me and abandon me” no. i’m letting myself write the dumb sappy texts, to make the effort, to show how much i care, to open up to others. i’m easing with my calculating instincts. i don’t have to drown in my loneliness and i refuse to spend a lifetime avoiding getting close to others in fear of them hurting me. i’m working on seeing my strength, like... it’s ok if they hurt me because i will survive

saturn in gemini, mars in the 12th house, mars harshly aspecting neptune - taking action when i need to. especially in real life, i have a lot of difficulty with taking action. like, if i’m in an argument with someone, or if someone is actively pissing me off, my first instinct is to end the conversation and escape so that it won’t escalate. theoretically, that’s smart... in practice, it makes me gulp down a lot of situations in favor of keeping the peace, and it makes me live an entirely different life in my mind vs. in reality. like, in my mind, when something happens i’ll fantasize about being assertive and talking back to the person, about standing my ground. but in real life i just... quietly move to a different room. plus it’s difficult for me to feel things in the moment, like something will happen and i won’t register it but days later i will think back on it and be practically fuming in anger. these past few weeks i’ve been working on just, saying what i want to say. even if i’m aware the situation can escalate, at least i won’t have any regrets, and it’s made me realize that people aren’t as easy to anger as i thought them to be, and that i’m stronger than i believed myself to be

moon harshly aspecting jupiter - allowing myself to break down. my moon opposite jupiter is at a 0º orb, and when i tell you i feel every ounce of it, i really do. like, my emotions are extremely disregulated. on one hour i will be at the highest of the highs, and then the next hour i’ll be crying on the floor telling myself i’m the worst person alive. which just... causes me to feel even more guilty about how i speak to myself, and about how volatile my emotions are, and then i’m just a mess of guilt and self-criticism and “stop acting like a baby”; i feel easily overwhelmed and like i’m doing way too much, overreacting to every possible situation. and then, an hour later, im just like.... emotionally numb. anyways, instead of making it worse by blaming myself for my emotions, i’ve been just. allowing myself to feel. no guilt, no shame, just allowing myself to feel bad because of the innate belief that i’ll get over this, i’ll move forward, it’ll get better

venus harshly aspecting the ascendant - dealing with a poor self-image. i have a lot of issues with my body image. so, instead of analyzing my body from every single angle and blaming myself for it, i’ll just. not look in the mirror. like, you know when you’re a kid, you’re barely aware that you have a body - it’s there, it functions, it helps you play and eat and grab things, but you don’t really spend time thinking about it’s shape and appearance because it doesn’t matter. that’s the mentality i’m trying to work with right now, that my body is there: it deserves food, exercise, to be washed and dressed in comfortable clothing, and that’s that. i’m releasing myself of the judgment that comes with my poor self-image

natal saturn retrogade - stop buying things just to watch them sit there. like, i buy things that i don’t even use. or i buy things that i plan to use, but then i end up not using them out of guilt of having bought them, or lack of energy to use them, or fear of using them and messing up. so, what i’m doing is grabbing all the things i don’t use, and if i truly don’t want to use them, i’ll simply discard of them, and if i do want to use them, then i’m making plans to do so. no letting them sit in my room and feeling guilty every time i look at them

mars dominance, mars aspecting personal planets, mercury aspecting pluto, debilitated moon (in capricorn or scorpio) - stop verbally insulting others in discussions. the point of having a discussion is to explain both perspectives and come to an agreement/compromise, not to try to win. unfortunately, this is something i’ve always had great difficulty understanding lmfao. as soon as i’m in a discussion the point stops being to shed light on the situation but to use the words i know will hurt the person the most so that they’ll feel the pain that i feel. when someone is not understanding me, part of me just wants to make them go through what i went through so that they’ll get it - especially if i have an emotional attachment to the person (for example, them being my family or romantic interest). this is extremely toxic and it’s giving me when your parents say “when i was younger i had it much more worse than you, and i’m going to somehow make this your problem”. so, i’ve been thinking twice about what i say to people. is what i’m about to say to this person relevant to this discussion, or do i just want my words to sting them so i can watch them crumble? i ask myself this question, and i try to show others the empathy that i want them to show me.

planets in the 12th house, lilith in the 12th house - developing a better sleep schedule. i don’t remember the last time that i went to sleep before 5am, and this has greatly impacted my mental and physical health in general. like, i’ll go to bed extremely late, and then i wake up late and it takes me hours to find the strength to get out of bed because i just feel so shitty. the reason why i avoid sleeping early is because i struggle a lot with nightmares, because of my own paranoid thoughts and fears, and because it’s my “peaceful” time. like, during the day i have to deal with my parents being awake and... well, just existing in general, and i have to deal with my responsibilities and my family, but at night i get to just exist for myself and do whatever. but also, i struggle a lot with intrusive/paranoid thoughts that keep me from falling asleep. this is due to my anxiety and mental health problems, and to be honest i still don’t really know what to do to deal with this. like... the thing that’s helped me the most so far is to turn off my phone/computer since i get headaches easily, petting my cat until i feel calm enough to at least try to sleep, and to avoid taking naps throughout the day since that’ll just leave me with way too much energy at night

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secondsonaym · 2 years ago

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Okay, so I've had a bit of time to think on it (not that it bothered me that much, but I did want to try and clarify some things), and a sort of 'follow up' to this post in particular.

A little rambly, so under the cut.

Note that this isn't to talk about that specific anon or the specific issue involved in it, it's just a jumping off point, more or less.

I think people do need a bit of a reminder about 'parasociality' and the boundaries that tend to get ignored/eroded because of it.

To get right to the meat of the issue:

I'm ace. I have a complicated relationship with sex and sexual content. I feel bad when I have to bring up these parts of my identity when explaining these things, but I provide them to sort of give you a better perspective as to why some stuff may not be good to say to me. Why I take them a bit personally.

The long and short of it is, I'm really only comfortable with jokes and the like when either I am the one to publicly initiate, or it's happening between my own friends, in a comfortable environment.

It's why I tend to not let some stuff I tag with 'suggestive' to be reblogged, because that's just not what I want to be spread around and get people making the wrong assumptions about me.

Obviously there's nuance and yadda yadda sometimes exceptions, etc. But this is where I stand, and will not budge, because of a history of people continuously being entitled to the point they think they can disregard my requests to respect this.

So, tying this into the whole 'parasocial' aspect.

Yeah, I'm very casual and chatty, I like to be friendly to you all and I enjoy seeing your commentary and stuff, even if I don't always respond--Honestly wish there was a way to 'like' replies like on twitter, cause I usually use it as an indicator of 'I've seen this and it made me smile :>'

But. And this a big but. That is not an open invitation for you to jump straight to telling me things like "I put your OC in a smash or pass discord channel" or things of a similar nature. That's a bit too much of a boundary break.

Like, removing the context, how weird does it sound for you to tell somebody (who doesn't know who you are) that you put their character in a channel where people rate their desire to 'smash' or 'pass'? It definitely sounds weird to me, and I sure as hell wouldn't say it to somebody I barely even know.

I'm a bit skittish to begin with, so it's definitely not easy for me to loosen up and be comfortable interacting with new people, but stuff like this makes me withdraw back into my shell, so to speak.

I don't mind starting up convos, and if it seems like I'm actively engaging in the dialogue, then you have nothing to worry about, but this also isn't an invitation for Every Single Person to hit me up.

On the internet where those boundaries aren't as visibly noticeable--I can't give you body language to show my mood, for instance--It's very easy to not see that stuff, but I really think people need to take a few moments to consider if they're assuming too much about their relationship with somebody before saying something.

I've heard horror stories about even worse shit happening in the fandom, and it makes me glad y'all are so respectful as it is, which is why I'm not getting boiling mad or anything over this stuff, cause I'm sure you'll listen and understand.

And as far as that specific scenario linked goes: I don't care what y'all discuss about my OCs or my stuff between friends/in private spaces and all that. Out of sight, out of mind. You don't need to tell me, and I'm not gonna Thought Crime you.

The issue I'm taking is with the assumption of things, to the point I do need to go on these several-paragraph rambles, when stuff like that I feel should be basic etiquette.

I love y'all and I am happy people enjoy my things, but please let me stress that as far as interaction with y'all goes, I'm really not that much different from a streamer or something. I'm just a person doing a thing, and people like that thing.

Sorry this got a little long-winded, but I hope I at least made my point, and I'll stress again I'm not mad or anything. It's just been on my mind, so I might as well talk about it.

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savi-our · 4 years ago

Note

Could I ask what would be the requirements to become UF Grillby, UT Grillby and SF Papyrus's friend and/or S/O? If this is too many I understand! Drop it down to which ever catches your fancy and is comfortable for you to write.

Thank you for taking time to read my request!

I really loved this ask ngl-

Hope you enjoy <3

UT Grillby

Now when it comes to being friends with Grillby, it might be rather discouraging - seeing as he doesn't talk much and therefore getting to know him is difficult.

However, I believe that the more you see him, the more he'll warm up to you. By that I mean just visiting him at work whenever you can, ranting to him about your day and so on.

Grillby values people that respect boundaries and generally likes people who are polite and kind, I cannon him as being a rather large softie.

Friendship takes time, and that is most true in reference to this particular flame elemental. He values his friends quite a bit, and that really shows over time.

He begins talking to you at some point in your relationship, small phrases at first, like a greeting whenever you decide to pop up or small words of confirmation or denial - things of that nature.

As both of you grew more comfortable with each other he would naturally open up more, placing more of his trust in you and finding that sometimes speaking about how he feels or how his day went was rather relaxing.

So overall Grillby would feel most comfortable with someone who is patient and not overbearing, he is a busy man after all so making time for you every day would simply not be possible for him.

Now in terms of romantic relationships - its pretty much the same, except I totally see him also falling in love at first sight, but that really depends on the person that has peaked his interest.

He's gentle and loving, so It would be important for him if the person he was interested in would be much the same.

You would have to be comfortable with his busy schedule, as well as the fact that he was a father. He wouldn't expect you to be the mother of his daughter by any means but he would expect a certain sense of maturity and responsibility from you.

His s/o would also have to be quite alright with receiving affection, seeing as he loves to care for his loved ones - be it through words of comfort, small gifts or touch.

UF Grillby - Drake

Now Drake is a whole other story in terms of both friendships and relationships.

He is a man with little time on his hands and is much easier to pull into flings or one night stands than it is to pull him into any sort of close knit relationship - friendly or otherwise.

You would have to be a driven person, someone who didn't back down in the face of hardship and strife, someone who knew what they wanted and when they wanted it.

You would also have to be able to put up with his attitude, because quite frankly he was a consistent flirt and generally an asshole about forcing his views upon other people.

Many times it was his way or nothing, so arguing with him would be pretty irritating.

He was stubborn, overbearingly so, but if you got past all that and found him in a good mood one fateful day, he would most likely open up to you, if only a little bit.

He would value someone who knew how to hold a conversation, someone intelligent and quick witted that provided him with another side of the story - a devils advocate if you will.

Discussions late into the night with a glass of well aged whiskey in your hands would be a common occurrence, so you would also have to be someone who could hold their liquor. He hated drunks, especially those who didn't know their limits.

Now in terms of romantic relationships much of the same applies except it could be that he had simply picked you up somewhere on the street and brought you home for a fun time OR you had caught his attention somewhere along the way.

Drake shows his interest in you pretty clearly and unfortunately likes playing with his food so expect to be pretty confused about his intentions for a while.

He would do best with an s/o that is rather sweet to him, who cares about his mental state as well as takes care of him, not that he really needs it but the thought of you waiting for him back home with a home cooked meal and a gentle smile on your face makes his flames crackle.

He is a rather possessive and jealous lover as I have mentioned in the other post, so if your someone that's rather independent and need constant time alone - you probably wont mix well.

Don't get me wrong, taking me time every now and again is fine with him but that every now and again would be pretty rare - or never if it was up to him.

He wants to keep you close and watch over you, so please just let him.

SF Papyrus - Rus

When it comes to Rus, he has a certain list of requirements to fill if you want to be his friend, never mind lover.

First off, his brother has to like or at the very least not dislike you - his brothers opinion on people is very important to him so keeping someone around if Black didn't like them didn't make much sense to him.

Being friends with him if you fill out the first requirement isn't hard, as long as you're a decent person with a good standing he wouldn't mind spending his time with you.

I see him liking people with a good moral compass, people who could tell right from wrong and someone who wouldn't be afraid to stand up for themselves if push came to shove.

But then again he also enjoys the feeling of being the protector, the guardian, its something that makes him feel special and motivated.

That can get a bit exhausting at times though so if you pull him into trouble just so he can get both of you out he'd probably lose interest real quick.

He is also a pretty big flirt, so the casual pick up line or sly compliment would slide your way whether or not you both were in a romantic relationship, so if you're not one for those types of things between friends you'd better tell him before he starts thinking you just don't like his company anymore and disappear.

For you two to grow closer you would undoubtedly have to be a person of integrity, someone whos honest and undivided, however he didn't like to be told things like what's wrong and what's right, so trying to force ideals on him wont really go over well.

Now when it comes to relationships Rus - much like Drake has a habit of going on flings and not getting attached to people willy nilly. He has his brother to look out for, anything else came after.

However, if he found a person who genuinely showed interest in him and cared about him despite his bad habits and closed off personality, I think he would start to consider the idea of being in a relationship.

Now it would take him a long time to come to a conclusion, and if you bring it up he would probably deflect it as nothing, even when his fingers itched in his pockets at the thought of you.

Its important to let him figure things out before committing to any sort of intimate relationship, because if you don't it would only end in bad blood - but if you figure it out with him, I think that would be a rather eye opening experience.

He's never had a full fledged relationship before, so don't expect him to suddenly be all lovey dovey and attached to you at the hip - but he will try his best to meet your needs if you meet his in turn.

You would probably have to do all the planning for dates, since he wasn't much for all that romantic stuff, but you better believe he'd love to take you out just to see you dress up all fancy.

Also, he would still offer his brother first priority in his schedule, but would ask Black about being able to spend his time with you more to which they both would come to an agreement - one where Black would offer him much more freedom to spend his time on you and only call Rus whenever it was important.

The most important thing about Rus is the fact that he's a closed off and private person, he wont tell you about what's going on in his mind if he deems it unnecessary so if you're a person that likes transparency it might cause quite a bit of turmoil.

#unedrtale imagines #undertale grillby #grillby #underfell #underfell grillby #Swapfell #swapfell papyrus #undertale x reader #grillby x reader #SF papyrus x reader #UF grillby x reader #ask #imagines

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monsterfloofs · 2 years ago

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Today must be one of those thinking kinds of days. A day where your head is so stuffed up with ideas, thoughts, and feelings that you have to put them down somewhere. Or else they will continue to rattle around and distract you from doing any basic human tasks.

I had a good friend of mine apologized for over-explaining the other day, and the thought of it still… really bothers my psyche.

I hate that my thoughts are the most coherent when I'm alone. It's like I am a different person when I can steep in my own mind, compared to a me in conversation. That me speaks typically very little, struggles with finding the right words and what to say, and does most of my thinking after we have parted ways.

Over-explaining and over-sharing, why is that something so many people have to feel apologetic for? It's as if… we aren't allowed to share our inner mental workings, to be better understood. Even, enjoy our hobbies, share the love of it with our friends. It's okay to not have the same joys, expected even, but watching a friend's face light up as they talk about a new interest and all the faucets and research they have been doing? I can share that feeling. I smile to myself and let them talk and enjoy every second, because they feel comfortable enough to share an open heart with me, what about that wouldn't be joyful? Why wouldn't I want to gain a new perspective about how your mind works? Come to know you better as a friend, and be more of an ally because I understand.

But I have certainly been on the opposite side of that spectrum too, so excited to talk to someone about a passion project or new idea. I get to rambling and then you take that abrupt pause as you watch that person move away, obviously disinterested. Or worse yet, they judge you on it. "Why would you like something like that?"

At that point, it comes to you trying to defend your rights to like something. Yet no matter how much you attempt to explain yourself, go into those intricate but important details that you love so much, you have already been tried and sentenced. You didn't even get to discuss how you felt and why you felt the way you did. It's over in an instant, and you feel sick. You feel like you were the one who made the mistake, that you should feel sorry. You should have been more careful about what you discussed with whom. Because they'll never truly see the you that lives deep down in your soul. If they catch glimpses of it, they write it off instead.

You carry that shock and hurt with you, and then every time you get excited there's that pang of doubt. Where you think that opening up will just give you another bruise.

Bruised hearts hold onto hurt very well indeed, it's deeply coded into the human system to learn from pain and avoid it for survival. But to find the people who make your life worth living, you can't hide under a protected shell forever. Jump, but cautiously, choose the people you surround yourself with carefully. Learn your boundaries, express your needs, be the truest you that you can be. You will find your people. And you will know when you find them because they will listen to you, and hold a space for you. They will also want you to be your truest form of self, no one else will do.

#floofyrambles

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sidespromptblog · 4 years ago

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What to Do?: Chapter 2

One, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten

Summary: Logan realizing that his first mistake was seeing the other sides as anything other than coworkers. They weren't a family. They didn't even like each other. How had he not realized sooner?

Warnings: General anxiety, hurt/comfort, angst, and hurt feelings.

Word Count: 1,803

Logan could feel the tug in his gut of the others clearly trying to summon him into the centerpiece of the mindspace. For a split second he felt a jab of fear racing through him as he pondered whether or not he should actually go to them, they wouldn’t be happy about the decision he had decided to make for himself. If anything they’d probably be most cross with him about it, or… or perhaps they’d laugh at him. Say that it was ridiculous that he was trying to appear so professional with all the things that they knew about each other.

Yeah… they would most definitely try to laugh it off to clear the air, and to make him go back on his decision. To undermine his boundaries, and make him second guess himself when it came to this.

But he wouldn’t… he couldn’t.

Not about this, and most certainly not now. He had already talked himself into doing this, and he wasn’t going to let his imagination run away with him about it either.

He had made up his mind.

“Logan…” He could hear Patton referring to him.

“Logan.” He could hear Roman talking.

“Logan..” He could hear Virgil mumbling.

Logan’s fingers curled into his hands, and he could feel his temper flaring up before he even attempted to stamp it back down. “Shut up!” He snarled to himself, raising his hands to his ears as to block out the sounds of his name that came from inside his head. A part of him felt like sobbing, like curling up in a corner and just admitting defeat so that it would just make it all stop. But he couldn’t do that, and he knew that he couldn’t do that. There was too much work to be done… “Just stop!”

Logan. Logan. Logan…

Logan!

This could not wait another day, no matter what Logan tried to tell himself it just couldn’t. He needed to set things straight, and get it down with the others so they at least understood where he was on the matter, no matter how much it hurt their feelings. In the end, it would at least make him feel better, and hopefully… hopefully things would at least change then and he’d be listened to.

Even if it was only a little bit.

Straightening his back, and forcing his hands back down to his sides Logan rose up in the living room biting his tongue the entire time. He would only have to endure his name in their mouths for just a little bit longer, they might not listen, but at least they would know. And that’s literally all that he needed from them, it didn’t matter if they got upset or refused.

Because this was for him, not for them.

“Logan!” Virgil’s head whipped away from Patton and Roman, and to where Logan was standing. “Are you okay?” The anxious side tried to ask it cooly, but everyone could see his hands fidgeting with the loose threading strands of his sleeves. The anxiety he had felt coming off of Logan in waves had all but vanished the moment that he had arrived, and it had done very little to lessen Virgil’s own anxieties about the subject. His gaze seemed to look everywhere but Logan for an instance, before he finally willed himself to look at the logical side. “You seemed kind of anxious, and we were…” The words that were right on Virgil’s tongue died in an instant upon seeing the look on Logan’s face.

None of them had exactly gotten a chance to talk to Logan after his whole run in with Remus, but right then and there… Virgil wished that he had been there from the very start. To help Logan, and to help the logical side come to terms with the fact that his schedule hadn’t exactly been followed.

He wished… he wished that he had done something.

Because…

Logan didn’t look cold, he didn’t even appear to be disinterested in them like he had in the past when it came to discussing Roman’s daydreams or plans. He just looked…

Well it was weird, but he looked oddly polite.

Like a stranger waiting for someone to stop talking, so that he could speak his business.

Virgil swallowed thickly, “Deceit?” He merely asked, looking Logan up and down as if trying to spot any inconsistencies of the other side’s attire.

There was nothing.

And Logan slowly shook his head, his eyes remaining trained on Virgil steadily. He looked calm, the farthest thing from the side who used to scream falsehood at him and anyone who tried to lie to his face. His hair was a windswept mess, and his clothes even messier. With his tie loosened and the collar to his shirt unbuttoned by a single button. And it was that alone that sent alarm bells off in Virgil’s head, because despite all of that… Logan was here. He was calm, he was collected, and there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with him.

He looked fine.

But something was wrong, maybe it was just him but.. there had to be something wrong with Logan. He couldn’t be okay, not by any kind of standards. He knew Logan too well to know that the logical side would never show up to any kind of meeting with them dressed as he was. Logan was far too prideful for that, and he also knew that Roman would most certainly never let him live it down. So… something.. Something had to be wrong here. He couldn’t be okay.

Not after what happened.

“Logan,” Patton inched forward, a look of clear worry on his face. “You okay bucko? Are you feeling oka-”

“Logic.”

Patton blinked, hoping that he had misheard what Logan had just said to him. His voice chilly in the kind of way that made his back shiver, even if there wasn’t a single draft to be felt. “What?” He attempted a happy playful smile that wouldn’t betray how he was feeling, when the stoney look on Logan’s face didn’t even budge for a second he felt it slip right off into a puzzled frown. He was acutely aware of Roman and Virgil watching their interaction with the eyes of a hawk, their eyes were burning the back of his head. He could feel something inside of him tremble with that one word that Logan had spoken to him, and he hoped with everything that he was… that he’d only misheard Logan. With Logan’s firm unbreaking stare, and the obvious stares from the other two sides… he had to actively avoid squirming in place just from how uncomfortable he was starting to get from the change in atmosphere.

All it had taken was one word… and it felt like everything had just turned on its head.

Logan crossed his arms smoothly over his chest, “Given the state of our relationship, it is Logic.. Not Logan.” There wasn’t a single hint of joking or exaggeration in his voice, there was just that air of polite honesty that somehow managed to rub Patton the wrong way.

“What?” He asked again, his throat choking out the word. This time he was absolutely sure that he was about to cry, was this.. was this Logan ending their friendship? Was he really that tired of them and their jokes? Did he…

Did he hate them?

“What are you talking about?!” This time it was Roman who spoke up, the creative side had been lounging on the couch for a majority of the time. Only now rising once it was apparent how upset Patton was getting with Logan’s selective words, and to top it off… he was getting rather upset himself at it. Did this name change just go to Patton, or was it all of them combined? “Listen,” Roman tried to say patiently. “If you’re upset and angry about your schedule not being followed this is not the way to act about it, tell us and we’ll work something out. Don’t just pull this shit and expect us to not know what to do with it!”

Roman’s breath came out in hot angry puffs, he honestly hadn’t expected himself to get so worked up over this.

Logan’s eyes shifted over to him, clearly waiting a moment to see if Roman was done talking. “Creativity.” Roman’s lungs seized, and his breathing stopped right then and there with that one little word. Logan was… Logan was serious. “I am not angry.” He said patiently. “I understand that sometimes things come up that can get in the way of a preplanned schedule. It is okay, and I understand that nothing could be done that specific day.” Logan linked his fingers together. “However, I am merely stating that I wish to not be referred to so casually.”

Their mouths gaped openly, a mixture of concern, fear, and puzzlement written over each of their faces. For a moment Roman had no idea what to say, after everything involving Patton and Janus this just felt like one more thing that he didn’t understand. He was fairly certain that none of them understood this though, judging by the looks on each of their faces. None of them knew why Logan was choosing to pursue this, and honestly… he was kind of scared to know exactly why.

Because that meant in some kind of way… they had all fucked up.

Roman hated himself for the words that came out of him next, “Are we not close? I thought that knowing your name, and using it meant that.. that you trusted us with it.”

For a split second, Logan looked up to the ceiling and Roman fought the urge to bristle indignantly at the implications. The hurt in his heart steadily being replaced by a new feeling that he couldn’t yet put his finger on, but once he did…

“No,” Logan merely said, and didn’t elaborate. “I am going to go back to my room should you need to call on me again, I will be drafting up a new schedule that we can all hopefully agree upon, in the meantime... Have a good day.”

There wasn’t the tiniest hint of resignation or resentment, throughout everything that he’d told them Logan had remained polite to the very end. Even when he ducked out, there weren’t any side eyes, or upset looks from him. Just an air of civil courtesy, that felt so.. so unlike him. Logan got excited about his projects, and he got upset when they didn’t play out to how he wanted them exactly to go. He should have been upset, he should have been spitting barbs and being salty about his failed schedule, he should have reassured Virgil’s anxieties, and he should have…

He should trust them…

Shouldn’t he?

#logan sanders #ts logan #ts logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #mentions of janus #mentions of remus #sanders sides #ts sides #ts sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #ts sanders sides fanfiction #ts sides fanfiction

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kaaytea · 4 years ago

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hello! i love your blog so much and it brings me so much comfort..ive been having a really rough go at it the last few months and i was wondering if you could write how the daiya boys would react to learning their so deals with mental health problems? or what theyd be like helping them during a breakdown or something? thank you so much ♡♡♡

Daiya boys helping an s/o during a break down

A/n: Hello dear! I can't tell you how happy it makes me knowing you find comfort from this blog (that was my main goal when I started it!) I'm sorry to hear you've been having a rough time, I'm sending a bunch of love, hugs, and good vibes your way! I hope these little hcs bring you some comfort, thank you for requesting and enjoy ♥️

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Sawamura -> He's a bit familiar with these situations from his yips phase. Very quiet when comforting you, mostly out of fear that if he were his usual loud self it'd cause more harm than good. Handles you very gently and coaxes you into doing some breathing exercises with him to calm you down a bit. Afterwards he'll do whatever would make you most comfortable. Run you a bath? He's on it! Need some water? He's already in the kitchen! Just want to snuggle up with him? His arms are open and awaiting your hugs!

Furuya -> Very lost and worried the first time he sees you in this state. Unsure of what to do so he just follows his gut in that moment. Sits down besides you and rubs your back to let you know he's there, if you want him to hold you his arms are open in an instant. Afterwards he'd ask you if there were specific things you'd want him to do in the event that this happens again. Furuya wouldn't want to accidentally overstep your boundaries and make you feel worse so he compiles a little list of things you said would comfort you so he's prepared for next time.

Haruichi -> Haruichi would whisper encouraging words to you. He speaks in a very light, airy tone in hopes of calming you down a bit. If you're comfortable with it he pulls you to sit on his lap so you can hold on to each other; sometimes he even quietly hums songs his mom used to sing for him. Would rock you back and forth in his arms just praying that you know you're safe with him. Won't force you to talk but is always happy when you do so the both of you can work on finding healthy ways to diminish the frequency of your break downs.

Kanemaru -> Please he's sO worried. Kanemaru hates seeing you upset or in pain so he's doing anything to make you comfortable. Firmly Holds you to his chest and presses kisses to the side of your head. Quite literally won't leave your side the rest of the day.

Toujou -> Toujou does his best to make sure you're not feeling alone; he's wants you to know that he is present in the moment and is there to help in any way you need. He always finds a way to coax you into a conversation to distract you from the source of all your stress. If you don't want to talk he usually puts on some sort of background noise like rain water or a playlist of softer songs you enjoy.

Kuramochi -> Can tell right away when something is wrong and is on top of things the second he sees you start to tip over the edge. Mochi wouldn't want to overcrowd you and make you feel congested so he's sits across from you and draws little shapes on the palms of your hands. He tends to talk you through everything, reassuring you that you're safe and that he's here for you.

Miyuki -> So so so so gentle!! Yes he's normally emotionally detached and makes fun of you half the time, but if your hurting (whether it be mentally of physically) he won't leave your side until he's certain you're ok. Big believer in breathing techniques so he's always trying to get you to match your breathing with his. If you're ok with physical contact he usually pulls you into his side and let's you rest your head on his shoulder. Always listens to you if you want to talk about what's been getting you so worked up.

Kawakami -> Understands how torturous it seems when your own mind and body are against you. Has the gentlest smile on his face when he notices what's wrong. Of course it pains him to see you like this but it's not a feeling he focuses on. Instead, he puts all his energy into comforting you and your well-being. Would definitely make you both some tea and stick near you till you start to recover a bit. He's also really into aromatherapy (it's a method that works for him) so he has a lavender infused blanket ready if you want it. Very in touch with what comforts you. If you want him to talk to you so you have something to focus on, he will! If you need some form of physical comfort he's got a cozy spot on the couch perfect for snuggles!

Ryousuke -> Very calm and refuses to baby you (i.e. he's not gonna fluff it up and be all "Oh my poor baby! What's wrong, sweetheart?"🥺🥺) Lets you use his lap as a pillow and will run his finger through/over your hair. Not much for whispering sweet nothings but he will look you in the face and say something along the lines of: "I'm right here, ok? Just concentrate on calming down a bit." He's a wonderful listener if you ever want to talk about what's been going on, there's not a smidge of judgement on his end.

Tetsuya -> He's still very stoic on the outside but there's a noticable softness in his eyes. Does the thing where he runs his hands up and down your arms. Tetsu would most likely want to discuss everything. He might try to give you advice or little reminders to take time for yourself. He doesn't want you to think your facing everything alone, he wants you to feel comfortable sharing things with him. Would definitely be one of the rare times he gets a smidge sappy to let you know he loves you.

Jun -> Such a sweetheart! A bit hesitant the first time he sees you breaking down but immediately snaps into action. Scoops you up and brings you somewhere comfortable. Keeps telling you that you're ok and that nothing will hurt you. Presses a bunch of kisses to the top of your head and cheeks.

Chris -> Chris is naturally just a soft-spoken person so his demeanor doesn't change at all. His voice when he whispers is incredibly comforting to listen to; it's low and rumbly, man just exudes warmth. He won't belittle your stress or fears at all, he actively listens to you in hopes of finding some way to help. Gives really great hugs so if you're in need of affection you've literally won the jackpot with him.

Sanada -> Is somehow, even in this situation, able to keep the atmosphere generally calm. Would whisper sweet, reassuring words to you the entire time. Mans just wants you to feel valid, safe, and loved when with him. Another person who would let you sit on his lap or curl up to him on your own terms. Would offer you one of his hoodies if you wanted something you're able to curl up in. Sanada always tries to get you to smile or laugh once you've calmed down to lighten your mood a bit.

Raichi -> Similar to Furuya where he wouldn't really know what to do. Might be a bit shaken up because he hates not knowing how to help you. If you ask him for something (like some water or a hug) boy is ZOOMING to fullfil your request. Because he's not entirely sure what to do he just gently brings your hands up to cup his face and softly says: "(y/n)-chan, please don't be upset!" Might not be the most effective tactic but it's the first thing that popped into his mind. Would definitely offer to get you a snack after the whole ordeal. He might be a tiny bit clingy afterwards because he felt so useless :(

Mei -> Generally a childish person but Mei takes this very seriously; babes is not messing around when it comes to your health. Goes by your requests and will do anything you ask of him, not a single complaint leaves his mouth. You'll usually end up lying on his chest while he mindlessly traces shapes on your back. In this position you can listen to his heart beat which is surprisingly very soothing and steady. He tends to whisper about how much he loves you or about how important and special you are.

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stanknotstark · 4 years ago

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Research and Dating (No They Aren’t Connected)

“So, if you could kidnap me really publicly that would be great.”

“...why?”

“I kinda forgot about this research essay due tomorrow? And like, my prof knows I’m a hero- I even brought my laptop so I can write it in your cell. Is the wifi password still the same?”

It’s Thursday at 8 P.M. and your essay is due in 4 hours. It wasn’t that you had procrastinated it’s because-nope, ya, you procrastinated. Now you were freaking out about it when the glorious idea came to you.

There were, of course, perks of being frenemies with Loki. You have visited his his base of operations before, his ‘evil lair’, been thrown into one of his cells and ‘suffered’ until he got bored of the Avengers searching for you like chickens with their heads cut off and made theatrics by showing up to them with you in his hands and ‘failing’ to keep you away from the Avengers saving you.

In all actuality, you had sat in a golden cell but Loki had sat right outside the cell with a chair and read while eating an apple. You couldn’t read the title of the book so you asked him what it was about and Loki had been a little hesitant but fell into your pure curiosity and explained what he had been reading. You’re sure he liked your curious mind as you started asking more questions and challenged the ideas the book gave. It lead to a long discussion of morals, and death, and at one point whether apples or pears were better. It was fun is what you’re trying to say.

That’s how your friendship blossomed.

So, you call up Loki, yes he has a cell phone, and ask him without explanation at first, “So could you, like, kidnap me but publicly?”

You can hear the cogs turning in Loki’s head at your request. “Why?” He asks in a smooth voice, betraying no emotion.

“I kinda forgot about this research essay due tonight? And, like, my professor knows I’m a hero. I’ll even bring my laptop so I can write in your cell, the wifi password is still the same right?” You ask Loki.

Loki sighs over the phone, you can imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose with closed eyes.

“Yes. Fine. Be at Madison Square Garden in 15 minutes.” The god says and hangs up.

You smile and pump a fist at your best friend’s save.

You’re at Madison Square Garden in record time and Loki makes his entrance a show.

You’re sitting down outside the stadium when Loki materializes from green clouds of magic that open a portal then float into the air as if they’re a sign that’s flashing the words ‘Loki is here!’ in the night sky of NYC. When he sees you he rolls his eyes but people start paying attention so you play along with his ruse.

“Loki! What mischief do you plan to get up to today? It doesn’t matter, I need to bring you in!” You yell at him, almost laughing at how stupid this all seems, and push civilians back behind you.

Loki chuckles darkly, “You. You are my mischief today, your poor Avengers will never find you. You will become my slave.” Loki says with a voice that is dark but his eyes light up with amusement.

By now hundreds of people have stopped their night to watch you and Loki, phones out and recording everything.

You smile sardonically at Loki, “Not if I-”

Loki grabs you and pulls you and teleports. When you’re at his base you sigh and pat him on the arm as he pulls from you.

“Thanks, I owe you big time Lokes.”

Loki frowns at the nick name you chose. “Please refrain from calling me that or I shall teleport you to your professor and have you face the repercussions of procrastination.” Loki threatens.

You chuckle, roll your eyes, and head to the cell. It’s just in case someone actually does pop in to ‘save’ you.

When you’ve settled in the cell Loki raises the golden barriers and magics a chair near to settle with you.

“What do they have you writing about now?” Loki asks.

You had asked him for help writing other essays because Loki has an eloquent way of speaking. You felt it made you sound smarter and because you spent consistent time with the god you had fallen into talking like him sometimes.

“It’s for my disability class, the sociology class?” You ask Loki if he remembers you telling him about it, at his nod you smile, “Ya, so basically we’re to argue whether we feel prostitution should be legal or not in America considering how much it helps the disabled.”

You laugh at Loki’s frown.

“Which side do you argue for?” Loki asks with a small squint as if trying to determine the side before you tell him.

“I believe it should be legal but have restrictions and rules. If in the wrong hands it could be really bad but at the same time if it’s in good hands it could be really good. It’s a risk but we won’t know how well it’ll work if we never try, you know?” You say with a pondering look. Loki purses his lips but nods at you.

Loki magics a book into his hands and lets you start writing away. The whole thing is very comforting to you. Sound wise, you can hear Loki let out puffs of breath when he finds something amusing in his book, Then, there’s the rhythmic tapping of your keyboard as you write. Other than that you just enjoy being with the god, even if you aren’t interacting with each other.

You’ve been harboring a crush on him for awhile but have always kept it hidden. You value his friendship too much to do anything that could jeopardize it. Not to mention, Loki hadn’t shown anything on if he likes you or not. He occasionally flirts with you in battle but that’s about it. So, you feel you know he isn’t attracted to you like that.

“Loki what’s another word for great?” You mutter.

“Glorious, grand, impressive?” The god supplies you with choices.

You hum but don’t say anything and continue typing. After you finish your paragraph you look at Loki who glances at you.

“Thanks.”

Loki smirks at his book, “Anything for you, darling.” Loki says in a low voice while reading his book.

See, the nick names had started early on. At first they had confused you but when you had been in battle and helping Tony, Loki had called Tony ‘sweetheart’ so you reasoned Loki just had a thing for nicknames. That doesn’t stop the jolt in your stomach when he does call you sweet names like that though.

You shake yourself out of your reverie and continue writing. You’re like one, maybe two, paragraphs from being done. You try your best to elongate time to hang out with Loki more but when you finish your essay you don’t have any other excuse.

That’s why, when you finish and close your laptop with a small ‘click’ and Loki stands and asks if you would like to spend time at his apartment, you’re shocked.

You stand looking at Loki with wide eyes.

Loki takes this as an answer and coughs a little, bringing a hand up to rub at his face, he’s trying to hide his embarrassment.

“I am sorry, I crossed a boundary, it won’t happen again.”

“No!” You yell, nearly dropping your laptop as you reach towards Loki. You scramble to hold it to your chest again and look at him, shyly pushing a lock of hair behind your ear.

“I would love to. I was shocked, I always figured I’d be the first to ask.”

Loki looks at you a little doubtfully but sees the truth in your answer and smirks. Instead of replying he waves a hand and the barriers disappear then he holds his hand out to you. You gladly take it and suddenly you’re both standing in a tidy apartment.

It’s very modern and looks costly. The furniture is all contemporary and different shades of white, brown, and gray, with the occasional splash of emerald green in throw blankets and decorative pillows. You don’t really notice but Loki still holds your hand.

Loki pulls you by his hand towards his kitchen and puts a kettle of water on on the heating stove top.

“Tea? Or are you more of a coffee person?” Loki asks you with a glance as he pulls out his tea. You finally realize Loki has yet to let go of your hand but you’re not going to complain.

“I love both, but tea will be good for now.” You say lightly, glancing down at your clasped hands when Loki isn’t looking. A small blush heats up your cheeks and you let a stupid smile cross your lips.

You and Loki settle against his bar, still holding hands, while you wait for the water to heat in the kettle.

“I never had the chance to ask but why are you studying psychology and sociology? I figured a superhero’s salary would be quite enough to live comfortably? Don’t tell me they under pay you.” Loki asks, his tone laced with a threat when he says the last part.

You chuckle. “No, it pays well enough, enough to pay my way through school. I want to help people though, that’s what makes me truly happy. So, naturally, psychology and sociology were natural choices because they help me understand people, the way they think, how they tick, so I can better help them.” You explain.

You look up at Loki who looks at you with an unreadable emotion on his face. Loki then brings a hand up, tucks a rogue lock behind your ear and keeps his hand there. “You are too precious for this world.” He whispers as he looks at you. You feel you cheeks heat up and can’t keep eye contact with Loki.

Loki clears his throat and drops his hand from your face, looking away from you as well. However, he doesn’t stop holding your hand. You feel your hand become clammy from nerves and hope this doesn’t gross out Loki. At the thought your hand twitches in his and Loki merely squeezes your hand.

“What other hobbies do you favor, seeing as they obviously kept you preoccupied enough to procrastinate your paper?” Loki asks.

You smile at the ground because you realize Loki is trying to better know you.

You look up at Loki again, who is already looking at you. “Well, surprisingly enough research and reading are my main hobbies.”

“Oh?”

“I love learning so I read up on whatever subject pulls at my attention at the moment.”

“And what draws at your attention right now?” Loki asks curious.

You flush and look at the ground, kicking it softly with the toe of your shoe. You mutter the answer.

Loki chuckles, brings his free hand up to tilt your face till you look at him. “Say that one more time, where I can hear it darling.”

“Norse mythology.” You say softly, embarrassed.

Loki’s eyebrows lift in shock. The look on his face showing that he did not expect that answer at all.

Thankfully the kettle begins whistling and causes the moment to be broken and forgotten.

Loki makes a cup of tea for the both of you and you both move to his living room, seated on his couch. You’re both sitting close enough to touch at the legs but don’t hold hands anymore. You set your mug on the coffee table in front of you, too hot to hold. Loki however basks in the heat of his cup, his hands wrapped around the mug as if he has just come in from a blizzard.

“I have plenty of texts you may borrow if you want to learn about the true mythology.” Loki offers, looking at you calculatingly.

You had hoped Loki would drop the subject seeing as your research was drawn from your want to learn more about Loki than actual Norse mythology.

Whatever, shoot your shot, right?

“I’d much rather hear your tales than anyone else’s.” You say, your hands picking at your jeans with nerves.

Loki hums with a small smile as he takes a sip of his tea. “Of course, darling. There is no better way to learn than from the source of such tales.” Loki says smugly.

You feel a smile break over your lips as you look at Loki who basks in his arrogance.

“I better watch out, stroking your ego,” You say, Loki raising a brow at your mischievous smirk, “Otherwise you might start sounding like Thor.” You say to knock Loki down a peg. Loki scoffs with a roll of his eyes but you don’t miss the twitch of his lips.

“Do not compare me to my oaf of a brother.” Loki says, finally setting his mug of tea down, resting his hands in his lap. You also don’t miss the twitch of his hands, as if they want to reach out towards you.

There are too many signs that Loki obviously likes you, it’s almost overwhelming, but you keep yourself pulled together before you ask him the question.

“You know, I’m just kind of going out on a limb here, but uh...You ever plan to ask me out, take me on some romantic dinner or something or do I need to give more incentive?” You say, the confidence in your voice a facade because inside you’re freaking out.

Loki keeps a blank face as you look at him. Then, he lets a smirk break out over his lips, glances at his tea but his eyes come back to yours.

“Is that such a good idea? Considering you are still my enemy?” Loki asks.

You grab your tea so you have something to do with your hands, sipping from the earthy, spicy liquid. You let yourself think, letting his question roll off your shoulders and shrug. “I could care less what the Avengers think but we can keep our relationship hidden if that would keep you happy?”

Loki purses his lips, his eyes squinting at you. “They would cage you, would they not? If they knew you were fraternizing with the enemy?”

“Yes, but I have no doubt you’d let them keep me for long.” You smile at Loki who huffs out laughter.

“You truly want me?” Loki asks. You don’t fail to hear the insecurity in his tone.

You set your tea down, grab both of Loki’s hands in yours and look at him, baring all your emotions on your face. “More than you will ever know.”

Loki squeezes your hands with a soft tilt of his lips.

“Then I suppose it is inevitable. Shall we partake in a date tomorrow night, say seven?”

You smile at Loki. “I would love to, Lokes.”

Loki rolls his eyes at the nickname but you know he doesn’t mind it, much.

Needless to say, you were granted an extension of time to turn in your essay while also scoring a date with your crush.

#research and dating (no they aren't connected)#loki x reader #loki #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #so like i started writing this before my writing had truly developed into what it is now #so the first part might be a bit iffy and stuff #i tried to fix it but i don't think i did so #anyways im not completely upset with how it turned out #reader insert #my writing #prompt

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mrsbrekkers · 4 years ago

Note

Bestie I had an idea can I plz request some Jesper x Reader with the only one bed trope and maybe include dancing in the rain? Imma leave everything else up to you because you have an amazing imagination. Once again no rush! 🤍🤍🤍

BESTIEEEEEEEEE hi :) so, i left out the rain bit bcuz my brain went; part two? i can write part two muhhahahahAHHAHA. but yes here's one bed trope tehe

pairings! jesper x reader / kaz x inej, nina x matthias + wylan being the bad bittie he is and making flash bombs

reader is gender neutral per usual in my jesper fics!

warnings! none? mention of a flash bomb, swearing, sexual t e n s i o n, kaz being a shipper of reader and jesper, kaz also being a simp for inej, jesper being H O T, anyways here it isssssssssss

word count! 2296!

WHAT IS IT ABOUT HOTELS?

“So, we’re going to be staying in hotels? Seriously Kaz?” Inej spoke. She’d been the first to speak after Kaz had announced their newest job. It presented the chance for twenty million kruge, which split among the seven, was about three million each. It involved crashing a merchant’s party and killing a few people, but it wasn’t like they hadn’t done so before. No, what irked the team was the necessity to stay in hotels.

“Wouldn’t that leave a trail behind, Kaz? You know, the way to find who did what we’re planning on doing?” Jesper asked, raising a brow. but Kaz simply shook his head. The Crows should’ve known that Kaz had his weird, out of the box ways to cover up his trail. Especially when it involved murder. Sure, people could suspect the Dregs, but they could never pin-point anything big that they were involved in unless Kaz let it be known.

“It won’t. I paid under a different alias. A dead one, but it works all the same,” Kaz responded, looking over at Jesper, who simply laid back into his seat and nodded in understanding.

“What will be the rooming arrangements?” Wylan asked. His eyes were set on the flash bomb he was working on. One to help blind everyone at the party before the killing was done.

“Nina and Matthias will room together. Inej, Wylan, and I will all have our own rooms, and Y/N and Jesper will share a bedroom,” Kaz responded, making Y/N and Jesper slowly turn their heads to look at their boss.

“What?!” They said in unison, making all of the Crows excluding Kaz laugh. Yes, because the suffering of two friends is so funny! Y/N’s eyes didn’t leave Kaz, who shrugged.

“I need my own room, Inej needs her own room, Wylan also does, he’s working on a bomb after all. Nina and Matthias were a given, so that leaves you two, and I wasn’t paying any more than I had on the rooms,” Kaz reasoned, but he did have underlying reasons. Inej and him had a bet on whether the two would get together or not, and for once, he was putting effort into winning a bet. Which explained Inej and her glare thrown his way.

“You can’t switch Inej and Jesper around? Inej and I are good friends! I’m sure she’d love to share a room with me,” Y/N said, looking at Inej, who nodded.

“The issue is not the room itself, but the amount of beds,” Kaz said, smirking just slightly, one that Jesper nor Y/N caught onto since they both looked at one another, realization rushing over their faces.

“There’s only one bed?!” They both said in unison once more, making the Crows all laugh once more, even louder this time though.

“Yep, it was cheaper, and I want to make as much profit as I can from this,” Kaz said, his eyes lifting from the drawing he was now working on with Wylan, who’d set the bomb aside for the time being. His eyes had that look in it. No room for discussion.

Y/N and Jesper sighed, their heads falling to the table.

Inej looked over at Kaz then, her eyes narrowing. “You set this up. Unfair, you’re cheating in the bet,” she accused. Kaz said nothing though, simply going back to the drawing that he’d been doing with Wylan, nodding as Wylan spoke.

“This is bullcrap,” Inej murmured, rolling her eyes as she looked at Jesper and Y/N, who now bickered over who would get the bed and who would lay on the ground.

“No, that isn’t fair Y/N and you know that. You don’t get to claim the bed because you're Kaz’s favorite! One, that’s a lie, Inej is. Two, I have to have a bed! It is that simple!” Jesper argued back, but Y/N shook their head.

“No, no, no! It isn’t that simple! I won’t miss out on a hotel bed because you so desperately need a bed, Jesper Fahey, that isn’t fair!”

And Inej let her head fall to the table, a huff being heard from her. Children.

The day came then. The day for the Crows to arrive at the hotels, and before Kaz could even fully check them in Y/N and Jesper were running down the hall, full sprint. They both stopped at their door, Jesper trying to open it despite needing the key card - which a smirking Kaz had down the steps.

“You imbecile, it needs the key card, which conveniently you forgot downstairs! Cheater!” Y/N yelled. The Crows walked up the steps soon after, seeing the two doubled over, catching their breath. Nina couldn’t help but laugh, walking into the room her and Matthias were assigned. Inej was the next into her room, Wylan across from her. Finally, Kaz arrived in front of the two.

“I didn’t cheat! You started running before Kaz-” Jesper pointed at their boss, who stood with a roll of his eyes. “-finished checking in, and I wasn’t going to give you that head start. Who’s the cheater now, huh?!” The bickering had been quite the site for the past few days. Most of the other Crows found it amusing, especially Nina. The bed hadn’t been brought up since the day Kaz announced sleeping arrangements, so to remedy the problem? The two put their bickering into everything else.

“I’m going to have to buy earplugs from downstairs,” Kaz murmured. He was half sure he’d lose his mind with these two.

“Tell him I get the bed!” Y/N pointed at Jesper now, looking at their boss.

“Tell them I get the bed!” Jesper retaliated his pointed finger shifting to Y/N.

Looking between the two, Kaz had to compose himself to refrain from laughing. He’d really done this. He’d caused this and he wasn’t half mad about it. “Here,” was all he said before dropping the key card between the two, watching both of them scramble to grab it. If only the other Crows were here to see this. He then walked to his room across the way. Of course the room was right next to Inej’s.

Y/N managed to get their hand on the keycard first, standing and opening the door before running towards the bed, hopping onto it. Feeling the comfort as they landed, they smirked. “I win-” but Jesper had also jumped onto the bed, now on top of Y/N, cutting the latter off as they were suffocated.

“Jesper!” Y/N squirmed underneath him, pushing the taller boy off of them. Jesper simply chuckled, rolling over to now lay next to Y/N, glancing over at them as he laid there. He smiled, seeing how they’re chest rose up and down, hair a mess. Their breathing was irregular, but it reminded him of the run up the stairs, full of pushing, laughing. Even if they bickered, Jesper couldn’t help but admire everything about Y/N. How their lips were so perfect. Their skin looked soft to the touch, being lit by the setting sun outside. They glew in the light. They lit up the room they were in. Because even if the sun disappeared, there’d be them. They were the sun. His sun.

Y/N turned their head, seeing Jesper staring at them. “Jes?” They whispered. They watched Jesper shake himself from the trance he’d been in, sitting up and running a hand down his face. They followed him, sitting now.

“Nothing,” Jesper said, standing and walking into the bathroom, leaving a confused Y/N. Humming a bit, Y/N stood and grabbed the keycard and wrote a small note that they were going to Inej’s room. Walking out of the room and knocking on her door, Y/N bobbed back and forth on their heels.

Confusion laced their features, unsure what Jesper had been thinking. Y/N normally was a phenomenal reader of emotions, but it appeared they’d overestimated said ability. Jesper had been staring, but it wasn’t like they had a problem with it. They had stared longingly across the room at one another dozens of times - not that they considered it longingly, more in a friendly manner. Even if it definitely wasn’t in such a way.

Inej opened the door, smiling as she saw her friend. She stepped to the side, letting Y/N in. “What brings you here?” Does Jesper like me? Was the first thought that came to mind to ask Inej. Weird question to ask, but Jesper tended to tell Inej a lot. It wouldn’t be surprising if he had told her. Even then, Inej was the most observant person Y/N knew.

Y/N sat on the bed, glancing around the hotel room, trying to find something to focus on. The two talked for a good hour, playing whatever games they could think of to pass the time. “You know you can stay here if you’d like. Even with the one bed,” Inej offered, smiling a bit. Over the course of a few years, the two had become close. They told one another everything.

“No, no, it’s alright. I saw the double bed in Kaz’s room though. He didn’t get the room just for himself,” Y/N said, glancing up at Inej. A way to be near one another without having to cross boundaries both may not be ready for. A way to watch over one another. Y/N thought of Jesper then. How they looked over one another without meaning too. Whether it be on jobs, or in general around the Barrel; they looked after one another.

Inej kicked Y/N in the shin, raising a brow. “When are you and Jesper going to admit those little feelings for yours?” She asked, making Y/N’s head shoot up.

“I don’t have feelings for Jesper-”

“Denial,” Inej said, crossing her arms. Maybe it was denial. Maybe that’s why Y/N had been so apprehensive to share a room with him. Much more, only one bed. Because they feared their feelings would ultimately be revealed.

“I did not come in here to be told I’m in denial about my feelings, Inej. I was going to offer up potentially going down to the pool, having some time off before this giant heist we’re going to try and pull off, butttttttt not anymore,” Y/N said, standing. A smile was still on their lips though, a small laugh being heard as they walked towards the door.

“I know that offer is still up!” Inej called as Y/N left the room, heading back towards their shared room, they entered, seeing a now showered Jesper. They stopped dead in their tracks, eyes scanning Jesper. He was shirtless, a towel wrapped around his torso. It was a sight to see, and Y/N was receiving a front seated view.

“I-um…” Y/N spoke quietly, tilting their head, trying to take this all in. Jesper’s head lifted upon hearing the small words from the door, seeing his roommate for the night.

“Your note said you were going to spend time with Inej, I expected you to be there longer,” Jesper chuckled, leaning down and grabbing a shirt and pants for the night, but upon heading towards the bathroom, Y/N stopped him, hand on his chest. His eyes shifted down to their hand, then lifted to lock on their lips.

“You wanna come down to the pool?” Their voice was quiet, their own eyes on Jesper’s lips as well. Jesper said nothing, his hand moving to Y/N’s hand on his chest and pulling them to him, his lips connecting with theirs. While Y/N had been gone, Jesper had time to think of his feelings. His apprehensiveness to the one bed. The shared room. It was all because of fear. Fear his feelings would be revealed, but after what Nina had told him days before - “Y/N looks at you like you’re the only thing in the world Jesper.” - He knew he could finally take this step.

Y/N’s eyes shut immediately, fingers moving through Jesper’s wet hair as they were pulled back towards the one bed. The kiss was demanding, needy. Like neither of them had kissed someone in years. Centuries, even. Desire coursed through the two of them. That intimate desire to be close. “Screw the pool,” Y/N murmured, giggling a bit as the two of them fell back onto the bed.

“Screw the pool indeed,” Jesper agreed, his hands finding Y/N’s waist, holding his hands there as they fell back. His lips reconnected with theirs, preparing to flip the two, Jesper wrapped his arm fully around Y/N’s waist, but the knock on the door stopped them.

“Inej,” Y/N murmured, pulling away and walking to the door, opening it and seeing the other Crows there.

“We’re waiting on you!” Nina exclaimed, excited to relax for the night, even if it was just for a few hours. They all needed it. Y/N nodded, entering the room once more with a scoff. So much for screwing the damn pool. There was someone else they wanted to screw though. Clearing their throat, they grabbed their swim stuff, looking down at Jesper who was still on the bed, clearly upset.

“Come on, we can make them pay for that later,” Y/N offered, raising a brow. Jesper rolled his eyes, but nodded in agreement, taking Y/N’s hand as they extended it. When they arrived at the pool, the other’s had already begun their fun, Kaz sitting in one of the chairs, drawings of the heist in front of him, glasses on as if he was watching over his children. His crow children. Inej being the only exception.

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