#can put it in a readmore if there's issues btw!

[offbranddragon]

Cont. from here

As they walked Taash kept a good foot, more if they could, between them and the graves at all times. They weren't like their Tama, they weren't scared of the dead like her. Taash was just healthily creeped out by corpses. Looking at the rocks, the memorials, was nothing. Yeah they didn't feel like they were meant to be here but the monuments to celebrate the dead didn't turn their stomach or give rise to goosebumps. The wandering spirits did, and the skeletons doing work. The looming presence of the Grand Necropolis and the knowledge that death was everywhere kept them antsy and uneasy. Not even the peacefulness of the garden helped. Taash couldn't relax and they could have sworn they kept hearing whispering some where. They really really needed to work on saying no to things and saying no to pretty people.

Taash had been largely silent when they entered the garden. Graves didn't need nor want words and, despite their ick, Taash knew to be respectful. Even if this ground hadn't been alive they'd still had walked with every care. It was ground dedicated to people who were once loved, once cared for, and was marked as such. Trampling on someones monument to their loved ones was more than disrespectful, it was horrible, and even if Taash didn't like that said person was probably still lurking somewhere they weren't going to be cruel.

Passing through the gate Taash was still on edge, half expecting to see a ghost or something. When a tight pathway gave to a much more normal looking garden instead of ease Taash couldn't help a sense of foreboding starting to drape over them. It felt like it was waiting in a sense. Their friend really wouldn't take them on this whole outing just to show them her future resting spot would they? Or where she may be intended to bury one of them should they die. Neat but also felt like a threat. Taash flinched at the wisps, hands clenching momentarily. Their snarl fell as Gwen spoke. This wasn't a grave waiting, it was a womb. She may not had been born here but it had birthed her into the world in a way. Being found in a bed of flowers suited her, or so Taash thought, especially compared to the more dank corners of the necropolis. They didn't even notice the lingering wisps, little bits of green light flickers and clustering, as they looked attentively at her. Loyalty was a thing. A spirit plucking her up like one of the flowers she held now, keeping you from becoming dirt to nourish them, was...something. It sat in Taash's head weird. If it'd been a watcher they'd been able to get it easier. Spirits did things in their nature. Compassion would save a kid, that's what it did or was inclined to do. But they still felt weird, jumbled, they didn't want to dwell on it.

"I'm not scared of you-it I mean." Their face scrunched. The magic wasn't scary, the dead weren't either. It was just...gross. Being so cozy with things that should be sleeping. Should be taking the big nap and left the fuck alone. Touching the dead bodies and decomposing them. Having them do things and wiggle about when they should just be sleeping. It was gross! Spirit work wasn't gross! You talked, let them be guests if they wanted, and then they were off. You walked with them you didn't touch their giblets and have them dust stuff once the giblets were gone.

Taash looked away from Gwen. Crossing their arms their gaze fixed on a flower on the ground. "Spirits are fine, you feel like you owe them so i get it. But just- the dead aren't fine. They should be in the ground, left to be, not waving around brooms and organizing books or what ever." Their voice wasn't full of hate but there was a trickle of sour in there. Disgust maybe, unease certainly. "The dead used to be people and all the used to be people freak me out! They should still be people not corpses doing things!"

That was only scratching the surface but they couldn't word it deeper. It wasn't that Taash couldn't see them as different, they could. They could see the skeletons, the wisps, the spirits. It was that that caused them such unease, such discomfort. They could see what had become of a people, a person, that was now gone. They could still see that a person should be there. The person should be walking around and talking and laughing and loving, but instead it was just their skeleton or their ghost. Seeing the necropolis, hearing the spirits, everything just felt wrong. It reminded them that people were gone. One day their friends would be gone, their Tama, their everything would be gone even them. Seeing all the death just pressed that little splinter deeper into them. They didn't want to see the corpses and skeleton, they wanted to see the person. They wanted the person to rest as a memory and be allowed to rest. Return to the earth and flow a new into something else. Do all their breaking down unseen, still be the person they were not the corpse they became. What unsettled Taash about all the undeath was the fact it was a reminder that something was gone, someone was gone. Yeah they did actually find decaying flesh and dead stuff generally gross and touching said stuff was too gross, but the main issue wasn't that.

Just like Emmrich Taash feared death, just differently, and they handled it just as poorly if not worse than him. Instead of sadness it filled them with unease and anger. A denial that was confronted by each skeleton walking around and the souls that whispered as they passed. A denial that only made them more angry and upset. A denial they wanted to avoid that they simply could not when surrounded by death like they were now.

[zeravmeta]

Hundred Line DLC Route Concepts

So since hundred line might get some dlc and kodaka wants to hear concepts im gonna put this out in the wild and hope the psychic forces of the universe beam it into his head

note im not 100% on HL yet so maybe some of these ideas were done/are fulfilled in other ways BUT this is my post and while I DO think some routes can get expanded on, im sticking strictly to actual new concepts even in expanded routes, if I want to expand on a previous route id want it tacked on post the supposed ending where a last minute choice could branch off the end

spoilers obvs btw and also long so readmore for spoilers and length

Preamble: BIGGEST AND EASIEST WAY to make a lot of these routes possible as DLC is to allow Eito to kill Sirei on Day 2 and work from there, but they can easily be added at other junctures. With that out of the way,

Concept 1: Last Defense Academy 3rd Run / Inherited Will -> Nozomi as the time looper coming back

I think the title is pretty self explanatory BUT I could see it going in two ways: Takumi after his death in Second Scenario manages to rewind himself back to Day 1 and, using the knowledge of the truth and greater context that Truth/Second Scenario provided, does one more go around for the 100 days to stop Humanity's invasion of Futurum and try to save everyone. Alternatively, you can have Nozomi as the protagonist for this 3rd run, having inadvertently absorbed Takumi's cryptoglobin following the end of Second Scenario and she rewinds, letting us play through this third run with her as the protagonist where she tries to save Takumi in turn and, with a newfound contempt for humanity, can choose whether to strive for coexistence or to sabotage humanity's efforts for using her friends as living weapons.

Concept 2: Bad End Takumi Invasions

So Hundred Line definitely has what I call the Three Houses problem, wherein a character who has time travel powers they can use pretty freely to fix the immediate problems in front of them STILL does not use them because the story demands they not have the reset button on hand, BUT i think this could be used in an interesting way: Have alternate Takumi's from bad end routes use their powers to invade the Academy to try and take our Takumi's better circumstances for themselves. For example, you could have a Retsnom end Takumi try to kidnap our non-Retsnommed Darumi under the logic of "You don't love or appreciate her like I do, so I'll take her off your hands. You don't care anyways so this isn't an issue.", or maybe a Cult Takumi obsess over our Takumi being another extension of his will and try to absorb him because he needs to fulfill his role as the ultimate fix-it tool, or perhaps a Failed Rebellion Route Takumi trying to find a new Futurum after he accidentally ruined his own, you could take this in a whole ton of ways and it could even be as simple as different Takumi's who died early trying to live and absorb and take our Takumi's place.

Concept 3: Expanded V'ehxness & Eva Routes

I think this one is also pretty self explanatory, as while the despair sisters commander siblings have some of the best routes, they're also pretty short, written out as really good endings but with little substance in the middle.

Eva routes can be expanded just from letting Eito kill Sirei: She doesn't get brainwashed, and because Sirei isn't there to shock Takumi and the SDU every waking minute, Eva and the SDU engage in more dialogue where perhaps she has the SDU join the Futuran rebellion against V'ehxness earlier on because now with Sirei no longer manipulating info, they talk for a literal 5 minutes and realize the truth about the war far earlier. Takumi when he was actively shunned in the class managed to befriend her in 10 days this one is so easy.

V'ehxness route can also be expanded upon easier, maybe there can even be an offshoot following Ending 44 where V'ehxness, now having someone she actually loves and wants to survive FOR as opposed to being an eternal unthinking god symbol, manages to escape with Takumi and narrowly survive their fatal wounds. From here it could go a few ways: Maybe they become vagabonds fighting all sides and relying on each other to survive, maybe the commanders and SDU slaughter each other and the satellite humans invade, leading V'ehxness to tenuously team up with Kahmyun and you fight against humanity's invading army as an unlikely allies rebellion where it's an awful tenuous peace but Kahmyun recognizes that V'ehxness is needed for her power and at least this time she actually has a person she cares about other than herself so she can be directed using Takumi.

Honestly I think V'ehxness and Eva should have more interactions in general, maybe even the Unlikely Allies Rebellion route has Eva as the only surviving commander from the massacre and V'ehxness and Eva are forced to actually talk like equals, and we get more backstory from both perspectives.

IDK something something pull both sisters? that'd be kinda funny. Moko spontaneously materializes from Takumi's blood to beat the shit out of him.

Concept 4: Traitor Route / Satellite Invasion Route

Takumi as a "Paragon of Despair" commander allying himself with the Commanders and leading the invasions against the SDU, each battle ends with the capture of a friend and you have to choose to either imprison or eat them. it could be that he's captured early on, MAYBE he revealed his foreknowledge and that leads to his capture and from there they talk more.

I think there's so many ways this one can be done in general: Not only would this be the route where Takumi can bond with the commanders vs the SDU students, but maybe Takumi can have mini routes associated with various commanders as he reaches an understanding/deeper connection with individual ones? Like Nyewgank straight up also has a time power and is depicted as a priest so maybe he can have a mini route dedicated to more worldbuilding as he teaches Takumi about his Futuran heritage? Maybe Takumi even embraces the religion and the internal strife within the commander ranks can have Takumi pick between factions like V'ehxness, Dahl'xia, and the like.

This one would def need to start with letting Eito kill Sirei but perhaps it can be its own golden end scenario with Eito finding out the Second Scenario truths and nudging the other students to join as commanders, with this route's enemies being an invading human army instead of the little monster mobs. Maybe it can even do a rehash of the Second Scenario final battle, but the combined might of the SDU and the Commanders helping them this time actually leads to a happier end for them.

This one is one of those route concepts I like not just for story reasons but for gameplay reasons as well, using the commanders in place of the students can expand gameplay a ton, you fight your endgame gigabuffed students that you spent all those previous routes building up with your giant 4 space bosses, maybe the human army has a different enemy variety type with a whole bunch of different new gameplay mechanics.

Concept 5: True Golden End -> This is the School Mode Dating Sim Option

Eito kills Sirei, then Takumi locks up Eito. Once everyone else wakes up, he uses Second Scenario foreknowledge to not only get the SDU on his side, but also takes the Commanders prisoner, eventually culminating in all the Commanders invading at once (maybe around day 20ish where you have half the army imprisoned and half the army invading). Because Sirei isn't brainwashing them this time and the captured commanders realize "oh shit these aren't humans they're artificial Futurans who literally didn't realize they were being used as weapons", Takumi and the gang + captured Futurans manage to establish a true dialogue with the remaining Futuran commanders and from there they have 80 days of fucking around in free time where you can date them ala the Danganronpa School Mode post games.

We can also date Shion AND Nigou.

Concept 6: Multiple Minds / Takumi remembers multiple routes

This one is a more loose concept and I already think Takumi remembering Second Scenario alone leads to a whole bunch of new route options BUT we could maybe expand on different routes and using multiple routes foreknowledge to give them good and or bad endings? Maybe Retsnom Takumi manages to go back and take Retsnom into himself instead of Darumi, and the rest of the route has us play as Darumi and making the choices to support and/or maybe even kill Takumi.

This can be used for a whole bunch of different routes, like an Eva/V'ehxness route Takumi going back and trying to help the commanders earlier on, an embittered Failed Rebellion Route Takumi being more merciless to try and prevent any SDU casualties, etc so I'll let you have your personal route blorbo pick

Concept 7: Eitovision Route

Listen if we're gonna have Eito be the government assigned yaoi for this boy, why not have a route where Takumi actually sees and lives the world through Eito's eyes? We see distorted versions of all the SDU and Commanders, even Eito and we can decide to help sabotage humanity alongside Eito and the route has a dramatic end with both of them being the only living SDU members left and it's a rehash of the Day 2 Eito solo battle.

Concept 8: MatchMaker Route

This one is more comedy focused but hear me out. Romance routes have Moko playing matchmaker and hosting an outright gameshow with Takumi's lovelife, so what if TAKUMI joins in on the action and tries to make his friends happy by playing cupid with them. Already there's a ton of potential choices in just setting up your fav pairs and you can even make your yuri/yaoi piles canon (take this to the extreme imagine if Takumi mid battle is like "V'ehxness you should really check out Addamaque you both love violence and murder :)" ), but maybe this could also be the Moko romance route.

Concept 9: Karua is Real Route

Ok so we all know that Second Scenario revealed that Karua was just an artificial memory in Takumi's head put there to make him fight extra hard for humanity as were all the hundred liners' backstories, she just happened to take up on Nozomi's look and history because Nozomi would always talk to test tube Takumi. But what if Karua actually WAS a real person on the satellite?

Second Scenario's end cutscene has Karua's spirit appear alongside Takumi, so perhaps from alt timeline shenanigans or whatever reason Uchikoshi cooks up, Karua actually IS real and this completely sends Takumi spiraling because there's two of them now!? And with Karua by his side and technically safe there's not really all that much reason for Takumi to want to fight for humanity.

You could take this in a ton of ways: Karua could be a plant by humanity, maybe a double agent by Sirei or even one of the executives from the Satellite who had a soft spot for this particular experiment, maybe this is a new Futuran commander/other party who was a plant IN the satellite and she nudges Takumi to abandon the cause and join Futurum because she likes him or DOESNT like him, maybe she's from an alt timeline where SHE is the artifical soldier and Takumi was the implanted memory, maybe this could even be a spy thriller/conspiracy esque route where Nozomi is the one trying to figure out what Karua's deal is because she KNOWS something is up. It can be taken in a ton of ways

Concept 10: Monster Mash

Another loose concept comedy focused one but what do you MEAN that there isn't a single vampire in the game where you eat other people's blood. Takumi literally reads about a whole bunch of human mythos in the library so what if he finds a cursed halloween book and now MONSTERS INVADE idk this one is more funny meme idea than anything

[mwagneto]

okay phew. my thoughts on watson episode 1. might put a readmore coz it'll probably get long. anyway um

so 💥 IN MY OPINION 💥 it was not good but it wasn't bad either it's the exact perfect mid i usually get with american episodic tv especially one trying to adapt something from england. not even a complaint btw i would've been shocked if it was good. i do think they needed a much stronger pilot but it was like... fine? like i had a good time with it overall and then sometimes i went HRHRGH WHAT. but anyway let's go category by category otherwise this'll be even more incoherent than it already is. so yeah cut incoming this is gonna be long as hell i was right

1) characters

watson: i elaborated on this topic in an earlier post but to sum it up, i think watson's personhood, by nature of being the pov character in the novels, revolves so strongly around holmes that it's an incredibly difficult task to define who he is without holmes, and especially to portray it. so far nothing this watson has said or done made me go "he wouldn't fucking say that" but at the same time nothing's made me go "he WOULD fucking say that" either. no actually him immediately jumping into a waterfall without any hesitation coz he saw holmes go in was extremely in character he would fucking do that. but like that just comes back to the whole issue of like, that's in character for him bc it's about holmes. but the rest? like who even is he? esp here where he can't even be defined by his position in his society or his era or his city because he's in modern day americatown instead of victorian england. so like overall i like the guy but as soon as the scene isn't about holmes he stops being watson and just becomes generic medical show leading man. i'm very curious to see if they can manage to make me feel like i really am watching dr john watson instead of just a random guy. but again outside of not really being watson i like him he seems fun

adam and stephens: i don't know why the showrunners would fuck themselves like this like why are you making your job so much harder by having 1 guy play 2 guys. edit ok apparently it's literally coz the showrunner wanted something challenging. well i hate it. also i don't think the twin thing works on any front it just makes me very uncomfortable to watch a guy trying his absolute hardest to pretend to be two separate people. it sucks. hopefully their plots will be interesting at least. calling it now there's gonna be a plot where they switch places

ingrid: i like her she's really hot imean interesting but her energy is so millenial i feel like she's gonna drop an umm that just happened! any second now. but that's not the character's or the actor's fault it's just a vibe i get

sasha: i had to look up her name on wikipedia icl but i only know the other people's names because every time a name was mentioned i rewound and paused and said OK THATS [insert name]. DONT FORGET. she just didnt get a proper namedrop ig. anyway i have 0 thoughts abt her other than her first line being about her accent which then proceeded to completely disappear in her 3rd line and then come and go as it pleased for the rest of the episode was really funny. the adoption thing is interesting tho let's see where they go with that

mary: mary-s (maries?) tend to be very strangely written bc every time they're included the writer wants to do a subversion of the generic irrelevant wife from the victorian era stories so she's usually a plot relevant badass which like. i don't think that's necessary. like you don't have to be doing all that. like i don't mind i'm usually neutral abt any given mary i just think it's annoying that they all default to that instead of doing literally anything interesting. so it's a relief that i actually like this mary coz even though she's still the usual plot relevant badass, it's not accompanied by her being watson's epic cool girlfriend she gets to be her own person. like as far as i can tell they're not gonna get back together #i ❤️ divorce. she's even bisexual!! sweep

shinwell: whyyyyy does he talk like that omg. please. also guy from the east end is a criminal duuuuude thats crazy however do they come up with these. sucks so bad. i'm gonna like him out of spite but he's such a bad character what are we doing

moriarty: what can i fucking say man. why is he here. also the acting was so bad??? like wh??? ???? why was it this bad. i guess you could blame the script but like, second takes exist yknow. you can do another one if the first take sucks. are you aware. anyway i hate it when moriarty is a big bad but we'll get into that in a later section... can't say much abt his character he was only in 1 scene. usually i'm a huge fan of colourblind casting but i don't get making him a poc if you're gonna make him the horrible evil mastermind but hey at least he's not a black woman killing orphans for money like in enola. still don't know why they did that. getting off topic anyway why did he also get hit with the yankify beam. does anyone remember england. sherlock holmes was there

2) the plot

the episode's plot: it was... fine? like it was stupid as hell but it's a medical drama so whatever. patient needs mouse bites to live. this vexes me. etc. i do think the whole today☝️ we're 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 NOT ❌ doctors ⚕️ we're 😎 detectives 🕵️ was kinda cringe but it's like the entire premise of the show so it's very much a megszoksz vagy megszöksz situation. how do you say that in english. my way or the highway. take it or leave it. you get what i mean

the overarching plot: i mean obviously this was one episode so i can't reflect on the entire thing but i CAN look at the setups and think about them. it's nice that a major part of this show seems to be watson coping with the absence of holmes. i think they should focus on it slightly more, like acd watson's life was essentially over and pointless post reichenbach and i don't think they fully emphasise the severity of that but we only have one episode so we'll see. i am very very annoyed that moriarty is a presence at all in this show and especially that they didn't even have enough faith either in the audience or their own material to wait a bit before revealing him. episode one bam he's there and he's immediately named. it sucks. we do not need him. hold my hand. look me in the eye. it's ok to write a holmes adaptation where moriarty doesn't keep coming back from the dead. it's ok to have a different villain. or just regular ass criminals that aren't masterminds. it's fine. it's ok. you can just have moran if you're desperate. in fact you SHOULD have moran we're literally post final problem pre empty house this is moran's main time in the spotlight. but whatever what's done is done. i just think what's done is dumb as hell

3) the technical stuff that reviewers love talking about to make themselves sound smarter

the dialogue: chief. it's not good. like it's not outstandingly bad but there were some lines that made me go 😬 and some of them are just. so bad. eugh. like i alluded to in ingrid's section, if a script feels like it could smoothly fit an mcu style quip without it feeling out of place, maybe reconsider the lines you're writing.

the lighting/colours: i actually really like this, i think it gives the show a very distinctive look. i do think it's weird how ambient all the lighting is in this hospital but it's a lot nicer than the horrible white and blue you'd normally get, plus as a serial surgery haver i would much prefer to have this to the inhumane buzzing leds. not to mention i'm eastern european so compared to our hospitals, this place is like a spaceship.

cinnamon topography: i just watched brilliant minds last week which had some of the most beautiful shots i have ever seen and easily the most beautiful shots i've ever seen in an episodic medical drama which is unfortunate for this show because it's also very competent in this field but my standards are all the way up. but yea overall the shots range from generic-good to pretty good so no complaints there. i really liked the shot of watson and mary talking with the garage pillar separating them, and the overhead shot of a board that says WE LIE in big red letters made me laugh really hard

4) miscellaneous

my cat just crawled into my lap while i was trying to spell meschallenios everyone shut up. ok she was there for an hour and then left so back to it

acd story references: i always think these are fun and very satisfying to clock, and by god there were a lot of them in just this one ep. my episode was like 240p so i couldn't really observe the background details (to be remedied once i get my paws on 1080p) but even then there was a ton of stuff to go duuude 🫵 at. the 1881 robot (year study in scarlet is set in) which was then immediately revealed to be called clyde (elementary turtle) was really funny like why are we referencemaxxing. like i mentioned in the john watson post, i hope they won't overly rely on them, but it was fun to pay a little extra attention to everything to see if there was a reference hidden anywhere

5) overall

my general faith in this is. very little. a lot of people have a lot of goodwill for this show, both because of elementary (which i haven't seen sorry) and because of morris chestnut (who i didn't know before this but i'm very much the kinda person who prefers to not even know the names of actors) but neither of those have any impact on my opinion or my trust in the show, nor do i think it should. even if elementary was my favourite show, i'd still expect watson to win me over just by itself. i'm also very worried about some comments the showrunner made, especially the one abt adler being holmes's lover (what?? 💀) none of which inspire confidence but again that's not part of the show either and if the show itself is good, i don't care what the showrunner thinks.

but is the show itself good? i mean, it's not bad and i never expected it to be good. i'm a huge fan of holmes adaptations and have seen way too many of them (pretty much every single one that's not unwatchably bad, and then some) so i'm always hyped when there's a new one. i don't hate this by any means, i'm glad it exists and it was a fun way to spend 2 hours watching something that's 40 minutes long and then an entire day writing a review of it.

like i said at the beginning of this unnecessarily long post, it's perfectly mid with some tentative swings in both positive and negative directions which is probably why i was able to write this much about it. if it was good i would've just said IT SLAPS YAYY YIPPIE and if it was bad i would've said "holy shit this is the worst thing i have ever seen" and that would've been it but instead here we are. hope you're glad you spent the past 7 hours reading this instead of war and peace. thank you for coming and hopefully my review of episode 2 will be a more managable size coz lowkey what the hell am i doing lol. goodbye

[autisticalastor]

🦌! 🦌🦌🦌!!! Please! Either Nifty or Sir Pen, I barely see anything of either of them and they're my preciouses.

The previous 🦌🦌🦌 ask was just for emphasis, btw, not asking you to write a lot!

[make me write!]

lol ur fine! due to these being nsfw, im gonna put both of them under a readmore <3 (also real theyre also my preciouses)

[Alastor x Niffty]

"I can help you with your little problem," Niffty says, giggling.

"I... don't think that's a good idea, dear. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

Really, he's just pretty sure he'd absolutely destroy her if they tried anything. And considering she's his favorite person in this entire hotel, the last thing he wants is to hurt her. He's also a little intimidated by her in this regard — she's had him proofread far too many of her 'fan-fictions,' some of which were quite explicit in what she wants to do with him — but that's not his biggest issue here.

[Alastor x Pentious]

Pentious seems somewhere between nervous and downright terrified to actually go through with this. But honestly, Alastor isn't too sure about it either. He's not really that well-versed in the anatomy of a snake-man-hybrid-thing. Whatever Pentious counts as.

"I, ah— I'm not really sure—" Pentious begins.

"Oh, don't tell me you've never had sex with another man before. I cannot be your first time. I've only done it twice!"

"No, no! I just— Wait, twice? Who else have you had sex with?"

"That is hardly any of your business!"

[justshapesandshitposting]

Saro! as usual, extra notes are under the cut-/readmore

Saro is often nicknamed ‘Plum’ and ‘Plytooth’ but their name is in fact Saro. (If you get the reference I am going to kiss you on the mouth in a aro/ace way (I’m demi btw)) 

They’re a mechanical shape Hybrid mostly, but there’s seemingly a bit of feline shape in there somewhere, considering some of their behaviors, the retractable claws, and the way that their medical devices act like ears sometimes. 

Their condition affects their beat-energy levels/reserves, and the best way to describe it is the following: Every shape is born/hatches with a ‘water bottle’ that is their full energy reserves, it can grow and change with them, and when it starts to overflow, the body starts forcing it out to avoid a corruption forming from the overflowing beat-energy, normally in the form of tears, saliva or projectiles/structures. 

With individuals with Saro’s condition their ‘water bottle’ has some small holes below the top of it, causing their body to think that it’s overflowing with beat-energy when it isn’t and start forcing it out, the closer those holes to the top it is, the less severe it is, and the farther from the top it is, the more severe it is. Shapes with extreme versions of this condition can even die due to a lack of beat-energy, though this normally only happens in pouchlets or even before they’re even born/hatched. 

Since things like structures/projectiles and even reproducing are linked to beat-energy, individuals with more severe versions of this condition can be infertile or essentially disabled since birth. It’s mostly a genetic condition but sometimes traumatic events happening to a shape’s beat-energy can cause it. The way that this condition gets treated is a bit variable, some go without treatment, others with extreme cases have to be put on life support to keep themself stable, and some with severe cases which cause disabilities will sometimes get treatment devices to help out with their energy reserves.

Their ‘cat ears’ are such a medical device, and they work by essentially ‘patching’ the holes in their energy reserves which allows more beat-energy to be stored and can supply the individual with extra energy as well in more severe cases, however, they can’t fix the condition, and individuals with these devices still are low-energy. 

These devices are made with pieces of the tree (like ‘energy sponges’ which are normally used with shapes that can very quickly produce a LOT of beat-energy so that they’re at risk of starting corruptions) and can come in many different forms, most prefer them to be things like jewelry, or other wearable trinkets, Saro’s was a modified form of the tree pieces that the player shapes gave them after their purification, (and it just feels… right to have them there.) their devices react to their emotions and will often act like ears even if they aren’t actual ears (which is why some think that there’s some feline in their ancestry somewhere. The retractable claws and padded hands/feet don’t help)

Saro’s condition is on the severe side, they can function on their own, albeit being unable to make energy structures/projectiles and not having a clutch cycle (since they don’t have the energy reserves to actually make/develop eggs, since eggs take a lot more beat-energy to make than well, the male gametes) they compensated with physical strength, ladders and stools to get things from higher up, and other devices to help assist them.

They also have a slight advantage with them being a mechanical shape, since mechanical shapes can charge through sunlight, moving water, or by temporarily connecting themselves to a power grid, converting that energy to beat-energy. If they’re feeling tired or think that they’ll need more energy, pre-cat ears they’d just plug themselves into the grid with their tail and charge for a bit before heading out- 

They don’t really have this issue post-game, but now they have other issues, namely that they now have clutch cycles, and they now have both structures and projectiles, neither of which they know how to handle at first  (When pouchlets first start ‘linking’ with their beat-energy it will develop into a song, and their levels of beat-energy stored are used to make the projectiles and structures that are linked to it, Saro has fully linked with their song, but never learned how to control structures or projectiles, and as such, they’re in the position of a pouchlet first learning how to control them, albeit with more danger since they’re a fully grown shape that’s fully linked with their fully developed song, the constructs and projectiles that they can’t control are fully developed, firm, and can cause a lot of damage by accident.)

((Structures and projectiles at first are almost always summoned by instinct when something happens, like feeling strong emotions, or just if the shape needs something, with Saro specifically, they’re slowly learning how to get the summoning and dismissing under their control, during this time when they feel the structures starting to ‘twitch’ they will excuse themselves from the current situation and get to an isolated place before letting go of their suppression to let them out))

They’re very motherly/fatherly and do desire to have kids of their own someday, but have accepted that their condition made it highly unlikely- (yeah, that’s something that the corruption 100% would’ve latched onto if they didn’t get purified so quickly)

They parent the player shapes like they would their own kids, they were afraid of doing so after they found out that they were all adults (they thought that they were younger than they were) but the squad gave them permission to do so

They are very physically strong, stronger than most shapes on paradise, and once beat Fresh in a fistfight even though he’s almost double their size, give or take a bit, shape heights tend to fluctuate (He respects them a lot more than other shapes now because of it) 

Very sweet and gentle but isn’t a doormat or a pushover, they will fuck shit up if they feel like it’s neccesary, and that is a promise

Compact and much heavier than they look, to the point where it’s QUITE startling for most people who try to pick them up or otherwise push/nudge them out of the way, they might as well be made of tungsten with how heavy they are.

[romanticfistfightz]

any tips for new rat owners? <3

omg are u getting rats !!!! i neeeeeed to see them if u are <3 um . okay so . readmore bc its long

leave them alone for the first few days after getting them so theyre used to new cage + chill out after the stress of being moved

put some of ur old clothes you dont wear anymore in the cage. it has two reasons one is so they can crawl under it and chill (i usually tie it to the cage tho bc they WILL move it everywhere) and the second more important is. it allows them to get used to your scent even before you start handling them (if u cant wear it just put the clothes under your pillow or sth so they smell like you)

the rats WILL move everything. a bowl? good luck it is onnn the ground of the cage now. a tshirt you put for them?? yeah no its spread out eveyrwhere. i use cable ties to secure the shit i dont want moved to the cage . also i personally dont recommend a bowl bc it will get nasty and gross and theyll drop the food everywhere so i chose one spot in the cage to just put the food in (which is also fun for them cuz they can dig around choose what they want etc)

hammocks!!! you dont have to spend lots of money on fancy ones literally a tshirt tied to opposite sides of the cage will do. also keep in mind they will be biting anything you put in so i have like 3-4 tshirts that are For Rats and just wash them every now and then

all my rats ever loved these guys but theyre quite expensive (15-18pln for a small pack) so ! its nice to give them sometimes but i also recommend buying just plain fucking chrupki kukurydziane esp if theyre "for children" or sth bc my rats go crazy for those and theyre cheaper. obviously not as main food but as a treat

6. small thing but i recommend glass bottles for them bc it rarely happens but i did have a rat who loveddd to push his head through the cage and bite the top and if it was plastic then . well . also size depends how many rats you have but when i had 4 i had two 500ml in two places so for two rats one 500ml is fine bc you dont have to put fresh water everyday it lasts few days.

7. also when its hot and you think your rats arent drinking enough i usually put like. yknow when you have watermelon or sth in a boc and the watermelon waters there. add a bit of that. or literally squeeze a strawberry . bc itll make it sweet and theyll drink more youll just have to exchange it more often bc it can go gross

8. i personally always used versele laga nature food and mixed in some loose unsalted peanuts and sunflower seeds bought in like auchan but its important theyre unsalted. maxizoo usually has weighted food so you can take as much as you want and its nice to mix it. also dont buy food thats mostly those weird browngray shits bc none of my rats ever ate them so its kinda wasteful

^these two are what i usually buy btw. also buy an airtight container bc god the amount of food moths i had when it wasnt stored like that is insane

9. you can try to buy them a wheel!! it has to be big (mine is 32cm diameter) so they can run around if they need to burn off energy, i got mine on vinted so you can look there

10. when it comes to bedding i put few cm of wooden pellets like for cat litters at the bottom of the cage and i use paper bedding like this

bc in natural grass beddings theres a chance therell be bugs and parasites + on these its easy to see when its dirty and pissed in. and it doesnt make as much of a mess outside the cage

11. there will be mess outside the cage . also dont put stuff close to the cage bc the rats WILL somehow manage to pull it in even if you think it was too far for them to reach

12. i trained my rats to poop in a "litterbox"!! which is very useful bc i change the litter in that (i use either small cat litter or chinchilla sand, but if your rats have issues with breathing the sand can be problematic) and i dont have to change the bedding in the main area that often so i waste less. i use a big plastic box i bought in like castorama or sth with the litter in, and when i was trainging them i used to put most of the poops i found around the cage in that and some pissed on bedding so they get the idea, i know some ppl use rocks from outside they washed and put in bc rats like to piss on them ? but i tried and im not sure if it did anything. but its a useful tip

13. biting sticks !! these guys

you might have to try various ones to see which ones your rats like (i had a rat obsessedddd with dried beetroot for example. also none of my rats liked dried carrot idk). i give them instead of food sometimes.

14. general feeding - i give my rats two fistfuls of food every second day. i tried having a bowl full always like a hamster -> obese rats. feeding everyday -> obese rats. bc at least all mine forever love to grab food and hide it somewhere else for later so it looks like theyre out of food -> you give them more -> they have shitton of food always. so for years the "fistful per rat every second day/stick sometimes" method worked well

15. never had male rats but ! with females there are some sicknesses that they most likely will get no matter if neutered or not and heres the hot take from me and the 12 different rats i owned throurght the years . when it comes to lifespan and health the neutering doesnt really do much difference. ive had neutered rats die of the same sicknesses as non neutered ones. ive had nonneutered rat live longer than any of his mates. ive had neutered rats get sick and die young anyways . so ik its Controversial but its really up to you bc the choice with female rats is either pituitary gland issues or pituitary gland issues. literally most of my rats died from that </3 but still . obviously it depends on the rat / how old they are when you get them / other health issues .

16. cheaper toy/food alternatives bc rodent stuff is expensive as shit!

cardboard scracthing board for cats from like pepco or dealz or sth . its 8pln and bc rats looove destruction they have fun ripping it apart + it creates more "bedding" from the cardboard

if you get packadges that have the weird cardboard fillings so the packadge doesnt break keep the cardboard and put it in bc they use that as bedding and its fun for them

paper bags!! can even be from takeout orders if theyre not too greasy bc its gonna smell but tehyre paper and makes sounds when they rip it apart and they like it

literally buy like . rope. from castorama or sth. or a cheap rope dog toy. and you can wrap the rope and tie it around the cage bars so it doesnt fall and they can have fun ripping it apart and wrestle with it

generally plastic boxes (not see through) are a cheap alternative for houses . i have on turned upsidedown with an entrance cut out and its sooo much better than wooden houses bc 1) much easier to clean 2) wont harm them if they decide to nibble on it a bit + they wont nibble much cuz its . plastic and gross 3) every wooden house i had i had to throw away after few months bc the piss got into the wood and it was gross and dirty and the rats cpuld get sick

look at parrot accessories!! theyre also a bit more expensive but its also just. wood and rope. generally if its not easy to chew silicon/plaastic (like some dog chews) or fake fur/small strings (like mouse toys for cats) go for it tbh . i bought two easter wicker baskets for like 18pln total and they have them like hammocks to chill in

if for any reason you decide you need more shelves. go to pepco buy plastic cutting boards for like 5pln just make sure they have at least one handle hole? so you canput it in. you might have to drill in another hole but its cheaprer than cage shelves so up to you

if you need ladders i use . plastic/bamboo flower supports. easier to clean and cheaper than big wooden ones for rodents + they cost like 2pln a piece . these guys .

[turbo-virgins]

Okay I know we give BioWare crap for handling their fantasy Catholicism faction with kid gloves compared to other in-game religions, but I do have to say the whole “crisis of faith” Harding has during one of the regret discussions really frustrated me because it’s just so… shallow and hand waved away with a few lines of dialogue?

Putting the rest below a readmore because this rant got kind of long oops

To recount the scene:

Harding (with Neve’s input) points out Solas imprisoned the Evanuris in the building and makes the connection with the Golden City/Black City visible from everywhere in the Fade.

She then quotes the Chant of Light (a record of Andraste’s visions from the Maker) and goes “oh well if the Golden City was actually an Elven thing then… :(“

To which Lucanis jumps in and says “yeah it sounds like we just disproved the entire Andrastian faith.”

Harding goes “did we???” And then there’s a moment for Rook to respond with several options (I still believe, this doesn’t matter, I’m sorry this hurts, don’t let it shake you, etc.)

I’ve seen criticisms of Rook’s responses all being positive to varying degrees and I think that criticism is valid. I was also frustrated by these options because, as someone who was raised religious and later deconstructed, a crisis of faith is like… a big deal? I’m talking like ‘standing at the precipice of an unending abyss’ levels of existential dread. And I think what I found difficult to swallow with Harding’s reaction was her complete lack of attempting any apologetics or platitudes that would have been taught to her by the Chantry or people who shared her faith.

Like, this can’t have been the first historical or logical inconsistency that Andrastians have encountered and tried to smooth over somehow. We see it happen multiple times in Inquisition. Characters like Leliana and Cassandra question themselves, their faith, and the Maker, and they always have a way to smooth it over with reasoning ingrained into them by the church. For example when it’s discovered it wasn’t Andraste that saved the Inquisitor from the Fade- that it was a pure coincidence the Inquisitor happened upon Corypheus’s ritual- I believe it’s Cassandra who says something along the lines of “well I still believe the Maker’s hand is in this even if it doesn’t appear as directly involved as we first thought” which seems to be a Thedas equivalent to “god works in mysterious ways.”

So as soon as Lucanis and Harding insinuated the Golden City not being hand crafted by the Maker = the whole Andrastian faith getting tossed out the window, alarm bells started going off in the religion-wired parts of my brain. Because no, it can’t be that simple can it? Or rather, why would Harding let it be that simple?

Granted there’s no real world equivalent to a giant city floating in a magical realm we can look to as evidence of the Bible, so the closest analogy I can come up with is the book of Revelation which, similar to the Chant of Light, is an account of visions sent from god. Some believers see it as a literal guide for signs and advice on how to survive an impending apocalypse and do incredible amounts of mental gymnastics to ignore any historical evidence to the contrary. That’s a more extreme example, but I would argue that most religious folks are primed to do some form of mental gymnastics at all times (no disrespect to religions btw, I also maintain my faith in some capacity even after deconstructing). Even Christians who don’t believe in a literal interpretation of Revelation still have their faith in it as part of the word of god.

Idk I just found it really weird that in that moment Harding would look to Rook (who is possibly a non-believer which makes it feel even more weird) for help with regaining and/or realigning her religious convictions. It feels like something a child or a teenager would do, not a grown woman immersed in a religion since she was a child. I didn’t have an issue with Rook’s response of “well, the chant of light could have been altered for political reasons or the original text was modified over time” - it just felt weird to me that Rook had to be the source of that perspective. And regardless of what you tell her, the topic of her crisis of faith never even comes up again as far as I’m aware. When, you know, during an actual impending apocalypse it feels like being able to lean on something like faith would be really important for maintaining your sanity. But who knows, maybe that’s what the little camping retreat into blighted Ferelden was for.

[5mcsinatrenchcoat]

MAJOR ENDGAME SPOILER, if this slips through your tags SCROLL AWAY. Yes don't even read till the readmore. Shoo NOW.

.

Anyway if the second team captain choice becomes this fandom's Virmire or the equivalent of LiS1 ending dilemma where it somehow becomes an issue of a "right" choice or god forbid morality I'm gonna SCREAM.

I'm already seeing people saying that Davrin "is supposed to be sacrificed" 'cause he's a Warden, which uuuh sucks and also contradicts his personal arc and also kinda shitty towards the only black man on the team and also: Assan. But I'm ALSO seeing people scrambling to justify it being Harding 'cause it "makes sense", and whatever she came to represent is a "relic of the past" (rich coming from the fandom that usually understood the importance of old lore and culture when it came to elves. are those different people saying this or do we suddenly cannot read when it's about dwarves), or because she's a scout (what) and I just--

WHY is our first instinct in these choices to justify ours. To find why it "makes sense", or is "better". Does it make us feel better about clicking a button that led to a painful consequence? Must one tragedy be more acceptable than the other?

Like, I get analysis, themes, it's all good, but you lose me at the "And that's why this choice is better" point.

They both suck! Emotionally, narratively, on a character level, it's pain! That's the entire point!

Obviously it's not my place to god forbid police anyone's language, but just consider:

"I just couldn't bear Assan dying and also I like this end for Davrin better/I romanced Harding therefore I can't let her die" - cool, it's your feeling, your game.

"Here's my Rook's thought process on this" - also cool, yay headcanons and character exploration.

"This is why it makes more sense for Davrin/Harding to die and it's a better choice narratively" - now one choice is put on a pedestal and it's a straight path towards part of a fandom feeling superior for choosing "correctly". Does anyone seen what I mean? If we start receiving hate mail and callouts over choosing the "wrong" person down the line I'm gonna explooode.

Same goes for Treviso/Minrathous choice btw.

For the record, Davrin died in my game, but I didn't know the meaning of the choice. Harding just happened to be in my party 'cause I always take my LI with me to the final battle.

And I don't redo major choices usually, so there we go. Plus, yeah, even if I did, I'm not into that kind of angst in my romances.

That's it. I don't think Davrin is a "correct" choice or that he was meant for this. He just came to terms with not dying, with living. And also we lose the one of thirteen last griffins in the world. It's horrible.

I've just created a second Rook, so maybe she'll choose differently when I get there. I'm still getting the hang of her personality.

I think that neither of the two (three) was written to die. It's just war. Dying in war never makes sense.

So can we please stop (or not start) with the goddamn justifications and just cry together.

[copia]

hey sorry to barge into your ask box-- insane edits, btw! but you seem like you'd know how to do this and i am Very Bad at tumblr. how on earth do you get images to post in an even nine-panel grid instead of whatever stupid bullshit tumblr is trying to do?? i am tearing my hair out

hey!! feel free to barge in whenever, and thank you :D if you're talking about a 3x3 grid of images (like i've made under the cut) then that's definitely possible, tumblr allows a max of 3 in a row. you can either add each image separately or select all at once from your folder, then drag & drop them into place. works fine for me on both desktop and the app. if you've already tried this then idk what the problem could be for you, sorry :/ tumblr does mess it up sometimes

edit: WELL. i tried to put the images under the cut but as soon as i saved the draft, they all separated out into one image per row. it's only when i removed the readmore that they acted as they should and i'm still not certain everyone will see it that way ... is that the issue you had?

[bitchofdarkness]

How to Tumblr

(there are probably endless posts like this, but I'm too lazy to look them up)

I want to start this post by saying this is not to shame/call out anyone and that it's for educational purposes only. In this case @key2525 commented on one of my posts-- letting me know they are new to the world of social media and reblogging. And I figured a lot of twitter (X) refugees and the like ended up here as well. And maybe some other people could use the refresher on how to participate in fandom aka reblogging creators stuff.

The best way to start and prevent other people from assuming you're a bot (yeah, we got a huge issue on this website with those) is by changing your banner and profile picture. Now, you do NOT have to (and I highly advise you don't) use a real photo of yourself. Never. Just don't. It's the internet and you're entitled to privacy. You can use a screenshot or photo of your favorite character or scene or a random picture off the internet that is free to use. If you wanna use license free pictures that won't get you into trouble, you might wanna look at pages like pexels, pixabay or vecteezy to find something that fits you and your blog. You can search up any type of theme/topic on those pages and find nice pictures to use.

If you want to use a gif from someone who made said gif on tumblr, then please ask permission first, wait for their answer and credit them in your blog bio once given permission. And I mean actual credit and not "credit to the owner" kinda sentences one might find under some peoples instagram posts, I mean (i.e.) "gif in banner/pfp made by @/1liv". (The / is so the user isn't drawn to this post right now, I don't wanna bother them, but they are the gifmaker of the one shown in the posts screenshots underneath)

(This will be a longer post, stay with me and tap on the readmore below)

So, if you have made your blog look a little more like a person by adding those two and perhaps a bio stating your age (some people who post mature or explicit content block you if you have no age listed or if you're underage) and/or preferred pronouns. Or add a title. (tumblr also gives you the option to switch off the title from being visible btw).

The red arrow points to the part that would be seen by people who look at your blog. All the posts that are not posted privately will show up on your followers dashboard. It also helps making you look like a person and not a bot. The green arrow is all the things you like. That ones not shown as the first page to anyone and you can turn it private. Liking something is more like collecting something into a little box for no one else but you to see. Reblogging is where it's at.

Now comes the part that is important for fandom.

Red arrow is reblog 🔁, which means it will end up visible on your blog (won't be empty anymore). Green arrow is likes ❤️. And the blue one is pointed at the comments 💬. Easy so far. All the hashtags like #sweet home 2 in the picture above can be added when you reblog something. It often helps when you add the name of a movie or show that you reblog in the tags, in case you ever want to look up something on your own blog. It'll pop right up under the hashtag you used. This also works for when you want to search someone else's blog for a specific show or movie. You just tap on the magnifying glass 🔍 next to "posts" on anyones blog.

Now, when you click on the reblog button this is what you would see:

"#add tags" - this is where you put the show or movie name, the actors name or a shipname. You can also ramble to the creator what you liked about whatever it is you are reblogging. Or on other types of posts add your opinion.

The black arrow on the right bottom corner points to more options:

All pretty self-explanatory. What I personally like is that if you come across a lot of posts you want to reblog but are afraid you might spam the whole dash of your followers, you can tap on "Schedule" at the bottom:

And it'll give you options when to reblog a post. You can pick the date and the time and fan out the posts you want to reblog. That way you won't lose the posts you found and you won't reblog in bulk at the same moment. It's honestly really useful. I tend to forget stuff and then not find it again, so I either schedule the posts or put them in my drafts to reblog later.

You might think "what followers, I have no followers yet" Well, if you continue to have a blank blog, no one will even consider following you since there is nothing you ever reblog. Would you voluntarily want to stare at a shut off tv for hours? I don't think so.

Tumblr isn't like twitter (X) or instagram where a lot of people have this "follow for follow" mentality. People follow the blogs that look interesting and interaction between the posts you reblogged as well as those you might make in the future will grow.

Think about it this way: If everyone stopped reblogging, users dashboards will stay empty except for the wacky tumblr ads and blazed posts. There is no algorithm on tumblr, you see what you want to see by following the people who post and reblog what you like. By continuing that tradition you'll inspire other people to do the same and keep this website as well as fandoms alive. And that's honestly kinda cool, if you think about it, right?

Hope this helped anyone who needed some sort of direction 💕

[meowsticmarvels]

im curious. who are your fav characters from each mainline persona game that you have played 🤔🤔 (take this as an invitation to ramble about them)

YIPEEEEEEEE here we go will be long so im hiding it under a readmore again. also since you said mainline im not including toshiro or eri but you Know...... im abnorma, abt them

i have NOT played p1 and i've just barely started p2is (though ive watched snippets of someone elses's playthrough) but i will say. based on my limited knowledge i rly like hidehiko, ayase, naoya, tatsuya, jun, eikichi, yukino, maya, and lisa

p3 and p4 are difficult bc theyre the ones im the most autistic abt and the main entire casts as a whole are comforts for me. but anyways. going to talk about p3 first Yes I Will Include SLs too. im abnormal. top 3 main insaners for p3 though are akihiko, yukari, and junpei. for me

makoto/minato sooo so gender envy. im obsessed with his design a lot. his character i do also like hes a little goofy and so mecore but mainly his design is something i love a lot

same with kotone. also love how she has a sort of distinct personality that you can tell with slight dialogue changes that her counterpart doesnt say. shes rly real. love reload but i miss her...

as stated yukari's one of my favs. she didnt Use to be (i did like her but Not as much) but she's slowly become one and man. i love that silly girl. her haters will not survive the winter actually. it does piss me off though because like. yeah shes not perfect no character rly is but she's a traumatized mentally ill teenage girl with a dead dad and a neglectful mom cut her some slack maybe? god forbid women do anything. idk. but im obsessed with her. her character is actually so interesting to me and not a lot of people talk about it? like her whole fear of death causing issues with summoning her persona like at the beginnning, her dad being involved with the kirijo groups shit, how she puts on a cheerful front but is actually deeply really lonely :(, her kinda playful insult friendship with junpei (deep down they do care abt eachother. i wish that was explored more. i found a rly good fic abt it once.) and etc etc. idrk what to say but shes sooo. i also love how she initially HATES mitsuru and is super jealous of her and then. Well. gay tension is real. anyways shes a transfem lesbian to me btw. yukamitsu ftw

junpei's also become one of my favs. somehow. in a similar vein to yukari in that he wasn't initially my main fav character but i think his character's also pretty interesting and has. a lot of unexplored potential. he's very silly and i love him for that a lot but something i don't see many people talk about is like. his Issues. like yeah hes silly but he's also got some fucked up self-worth issues!!! remember the scene on 5/9 where he kinda gets really upset and goes off on his own and stuff. for example. like i think him being imperfect and having these moments where he's NOT cheerful and goofy all the time and actually deeply really jealous of you because he feels that fighting's all he's good for and he's not worth much else is what makes him interesting. do you get it. like him being tbe silly funny guy isn't all he is as a person yk!!!!! also as far as characterization I point a lot to the scene where yukari's more than willing to go confront the people in the alley while junpei's worried, or scene near the end of the game where yukari teases junpei and he snaps at her, confessing that while he doesn't show it he really is terrified. they all are, at that point. yk what I mean? also people don't acknowledge his trauma with his father enough (maybe because it's only really discussed at all in femc's route... his SL is so good but not enough ppl see it... BUR YEAH did not think I'd go off on a tangent about junpei fucking iori tonight but he's real. hashtag brokeback tartarus. also he's an adhder to me. (oh yeah also want to point out this line in his SL where he says "maybe I have anxiety or something". yeah. that's a line!)

akihiko fucking sanada. ohhhh man. this guy. where do i even START. he's so so crazy like what if your local high school upperclassman boxing champion guy was also really gay for his dying childhood friend and autistic as hell and also traumatized. and he's doing boxing in the first place to overcompensate because the death of his sister made him fear losing anyone else again snd he needs to feel like he has power. he needs control. yk? like this guy made me insane for like several months straight in 2023 and he still makes me ill. to this day. as you can probably tell by my distaste for people seeing yukari and junpei at face value you can probably gather that I hate the protein jokes and i Do. he said it like. Once in p3. it never rly was funny????? and what they did in spinoffs esp p4a to just make him look like a gym rat and nothing more makes me upset bc of the REASON he's obsessed with fighting. he's not just a dumb jock (he also isn't dumb lol he canonically scores very high on his exams) he's overworking himself because feelings of self doubt from trauma have caused him to feel the need to overcompensate so he never loses anyone again. you know? it would've been interesting to see him relapse in p4a if theyd actually done it well. like he doesnt rly give himself time or room to grieve in game (theres rhat onw scene on 10/5 and then he barely talks about it again. man i wish it was developed more...) so realizing that grieving isnt a linear process that he can just repress for a long time and even years after it can still hurt would go INSANE. but no they just turned him into i love protein joke number 20. okay!!! (im very angry) thinking about when my non persona friend after hearing me explain some of the plot described p3 as like a greek tragedy because like. damn. he and shinji were doomed from the start with personas like polydeuces and castor huh. anyways. yeah. continuing writing now that i've watched october 4th in reload AND akihiko's breakdown as a reuslt and i wanna scream and cry and throw up that will be for another post but ooh man it mad eme cry like 3 times. and I KNOEW WHAT HAPPENS. THEYRE SOOOOOOOOOO if you know me im an insane akishinji truther. im just. i wanna talk abt other charactrs so ill stop here but always ask me about akihiko + akishinji + ships i like in general. i am really normal. oh btw transmasc akihiko is forever real to me. also he's autistic and a ptsder. to me (tbf what persona character Doesnt have some form of truama but like. this guy in particular). up there with my highest blorbos

i dooont wanna go on for too long abt every other character in p3 so ill keep this next part short and sweet but if u wanna hear me talk more abt any of them. feel free to. starting with fuuka i love he rmy transfem autistic girlie who has every disease. i also love mitsuru a lot who i Wish had people acknowledge her deeper aspects more. like. she was experimented on and also very sheltered and also a little bit of a girlfail. shes not fully the girlboss you all say she is shes also just a teenage girl!!!!!!!!!! koromaru can do no wrong hes forever the best. i love that dog. ken makes me so so sad he is just a kid!!! what the hell!!!!!! :(. and oh man. shinji. guy who is so wracked with guilt. guy that is dying no matter what happens. guy that dies in his lover's arms

as far as non-sees characters. i rly like strega. esp jin and chidori. dont think abt them enough. also as far as SLs i like keisuke, hidetoshi, bunkichi and mitsuko, kazushi, yuko, and etc etc...i need to see rio and saoris links too they look real. oh also i LOVE ryoji

p4 time !!!!!!

again gonna cut this short so i can actually Fit it all in one post. but wow. i do like all of the IT so so much but im just focusing on my favs. anyways i love yu so much his autistic swagger esp in the animation is amazing. like he is not a "chad" he's just an autistic teenager. ok. also the animation broke me when nanako gets kidnapped he sounds fucking distraught there. love when people delve into yu's issues also bc hes a bit fucked up but Man. ouch. just like me fr tho

i love yosuke in a similar way to why I like junpei because he's kind of a loser /pos snd has some insane issues that his shadow delves into that are Kind of Insane for the FIRST shadow of the game. like ok damn. i really do love his social link in general tho his was the first one I maxed out in my (unfinished because i didn't want to finish it) p4g playthrough so!!!!! many things wrong with him and also the lgbt community has forgiven yosuke hanamura. also similarly to junpei he's adhd as hell. souyo ftw

naotos probably my fav p4 character I think which is Pretty Painful Sometimes. sometimes I need to kill both other persona fans and atlus if ykwim. but anyways i hc him as transmasc for one thing but also if atlus weren't cowards and actually made his story abt rhat it would've hit so hard. his shadow in general is often overlooked apart from that bc what about the part where he talks about being mistreated by others and feeling utterly alone and not allowing himself to act like a kid!!!! it fucks me up!!! he's also super autism btw like god damn. but YEAH point is I love naoto so much and i hate how both some fans and atlus tjemself treat him because his whole arc and shadow had the potential to be super compelling

apart from who i listed above i do like the rest of the IT so much they're such silly friends (i love you chie i love you yukiko i love you kanji i love you rise i love you teddie.). can't think of any SLs off the top of my head that were crazy but I do like daisuke and kou. OH ALSOO the dojimas..... 😢💧😢😢💧 love them

p5 time :3 I'm into it less so than p3 or p4 but Still

yusuke's my favorite p5 character probably. i domt know what it is apart from the common trend of my favs being autistic as hell (see: akihiko and naoto) but he's like. such a fucked up guy. he's traumatized. he loves art. something is deeply wrong with him. obsessed with this gug

i also do like ren/akira, ryuji, futaba, and also mishima (unfortunately. but in my defense there is something deeply wrong with him slash positive). i don't know a lot abt all of p5's confidants but i like iwai I think.... this reminded me I need to make more progress in p5 what the hell. i miss you futaba (i haven't even got to her palace yet im still on kaneshiros LOL)

but YEAH! thank you for asking!!! from the ones I've played my top favs are akihiko + naoto + yusuke respectively so👍👍👍 loved answering this :3 if u have any thoughts on a particular character feel free to ask and ill elaborate :3

[therealvinelle]

could you go more into what you think bella's gift entails? (your meta is incredible btw)

Sure thing!

Before I do that, though, I should warn people that the following meta contains major spoilers for mine and @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin‘s fic Carlisle and Bella’s Bogus Journey. Fans of that story who don’t want to be spoiled are hereby advised not to click the readmore.

With that out of the way, we have three anomalies about Bella, and the shield is only one of them. These anomalies have the common denominator that they’re all in place to keep Bella safe, one way or another. Put together, these anomalies point to Bella’s gift being something far more elaborate and powerful than a shield.

One note before we begin - we know from Victoria’s gift that Alice isn’t the only precog, as her gift feeds her data based on intel she has no way of attaining. She knows when X location is dangerous, or how she should maneuver Y situation to escape unscathed. I think Bella’s gift works in that same way of utilizing data Bella herself doesn’t have.

Prophetic dreams

Bella has prophetic dreams on four separate occasions in the series, each time giving her vital information. In Twilight her dream tells her Edward is a vampire, in New Moon she is told Jacob is a werewolf, in Eclipse the dream spells out for her that Victoria is the one behind the newborn army in Seattle and that she’s got a Jasper of her own, and in Breaking Dawn she has a dream before the wedding about a vampiric child she must protect from the Volturi. That last dream wasn’t entirely correct, as it told her Renesmée would be a boy (which I think is what led to Bella’s conviction that she was carrying a son), but apart from that these dreams appear aimed to arm and prepare Bella.

Hallucination Edward

If Bella was a normal crazy girl and the hallucinations were more arbitrary, I would be inclined to these hallucinations being just that. However, these hallucinations take the form of the person Bella is most likely to listen to, they appear when she is in danger and not at any other times, and they give sound advice (re: lie to Laurent). Now, these hallucinations have the complete opposite effect, as they make Bella seek danger out instead, but it’s notable.

Shield

Here’s what we know of Bella’s shield:

It shields her from Edward, Aro, Jane, Alec, Kate, Eleazar, Zafrina, and Chelsea. If Carlisle has a gift, she’s shielded from him as well.

It does not shield her from Alice, Jasper, Marcus, Renée, and Renesmée.

It shields her perfectly when she’s human (as opposed to Charlie’s shield)

When she’s a vampire and needs to learn how to project it on the pain of certain death, she makes miraculous strides in a matter of days

To start with the inconsistency in who Bella is protected from and who she isn’t. Chelsea and Marcus have extremely similar gifts, one manipulates relationships and the other sees them. If Chelsea is blocked, Marcus should be too. He’s not. And what blocks Chelsea, but not Jasper? Why is Edward blocked, but not Marcus?

(Tinfoil hat: if Carlisle does have a power, and taking into account what Renesmée can do, then it could in reality be Chelsea wasn’t being blocked by Bella at all, but by Carlisle and Renesmée. All the people gathered on the Cullen side had been exposed to them, and Chelsea failed because she couldn’t undo the effects of their gifts. Given the way I think Bella’s gift works, I think she was able to block Chelsea, but it’s possible that she didn’t need to)

The shapeshifters and the hybrids prove that Alice can be blocked. Why is she not blocked by Bella?

Renesmée is another interesting case. We are told that she’s a shield penetrator, because... well, she penetrates Bella’s shield, doesn’t she?

There is the psychic vs. physical gift argument, but I take issue with that. It only leads to inconsistencies - Jasper, for instance, how is what he does physical? Or Kate, how is what she does not physical? I think that categorization was just that, an attempt by Aro to categorize gifts, and it’s not to be taken literally.

Bella’s shield is inconsistent if she blocks only psychic powers, or based on the way they work.

But if she blocks gifts based on who is a threat to her, or could in any way lessen her odds of survival, suddenly we’re looking at a different equation.

To take the gifts she’s shielded from:

Edward was definitely a threat. If he had seen her mind and seen an average teen girl fawning over his looks, he would have had no reason to grow invested in her as a person. There would only have been her sweet blood, and he would have killed her for it.

To Aro she was a human who knew the secret, and Edward wasn’t going to turn her. Blocking him proved her gift, and gave him incentive to see her survive. Had they met under different circumstances, he might have seen her thoughts.

Jane and Alec are offensive, they go without explaining. So does Chelsea.

Eleazar had to be blocked to see that she had a gift, which was vital knowledge at the time. Without it, she wouldn’t have known she had a gift to train.

Kate’s gift is inherently offensive

Zafrina’s gift was perfect for Bella to practice projecting her own gift, and gave her motivation. If she couldn’t have blocked Zafrina, she would have doubted she could block the Volturi.

Carlisle himself is not a threat to Bella, but Edward is. And to Edward, the whole point of Bella is their epic love. If Carlisle’s gift makes Bella join the Carlisle fanclub, then Edward would no longer be the sole focus of Bella’s attention. More, Bella and Carlisle barely know each other. If they were closer and talked (and I’m just going to plug this fic), it could backfire on Edward (yes I’ll write a post. In a nutshell, though, Carlisle sees very little of the E/B romance and what he sees is only the wholesome stuff) and that’s bad news for Bella.

Now to look at the ones she’s not shielded from:

Jasper poses a threat to her as a vampire who might drink her blood, but his gift does not. On the contrary, his gift is what helps him remember humans are friends, not food. Had Bella been super delicious and a human he could eat without feeling bad about it, that might have been a problem for him.

Alice’s gift helps keep Bella alive. Blocking it would be exceedingly foolish.

Marcus didn’t see what Bella was told he saw, but his gift wasn’t actually posing a threat to her wellbeing. If anything, Edward seeing in his mind Bella’s level of codependence would convince him even further of how epic their love is.

Renée, assuming she has a gift, is not a threat to Bella.

Renesmée actively works to keep Bella alive. Edward wasn’t planning on turning her, and would have kept moving the goalpost. It would have ended in the Volturi running out of patience or Edward finally eating her (My money’s on the latter). With Renesmée, Bella’s life was in extreme danger, but she was doomed anyway. Dying in childbirth meant Edward was forced to turn her.

Then we have what Bella can use her gift for. It does exactly what she needs it to do to stay alive, the best example being when it proves to be so easy to use that she masters it in a week-long crash course.

So, in summation, I think Bella’s gift is ridiculously powerful, and relies heavily on precognition. It blocks anyone who is in any conceivable way a threat to Bella, gives her prophetic dreams when she needs to, and when all else fails it materializes in the form of Edward to yell at her. 

This also works with Renesmée’s gift, which appears designed for self-preservation. It appears mother and daughter have variations of the same basic survival gift, adapted to fit what each of them needed to survive their respective life situations.

[fawnnbinary]

while I have your attention btw kjfhgsfkjgh I know I'm using Jask as our point of reference for how big these guys are (and yes I joked about it being an excuse to just draw jask next to big guys for horny reasons kjhvsdkjgh) but I think this is a good a time as any to bring something up about my interpretation of Jaskier and his relationship to the other Witchers who aren't Geralt! Wolves and otherwise ksjhfg

this is gonna get wordy so I'm putting a readmore in here <3

So, not to be one of Those People who can only ship one thing and one thing only, but my interpretation of Jask is not like, "witchersexual" as some people call it in fandom spaces :P He's not going to be instantly horny about all witchers just because they're witchers, and he's not going to sort of,,, whore himself out to all of them I guess? to focus on the wolves specifically, he is so in love with and devoted to Geralt that I don't think he could stand to be intimate with his witcher's brothers, yknow?

it very much ties into how I view Jaskier as a whole, and a bit into a certain discomfort I have with some other interpretations of his character, that being that he's the Slutty Bi Man stereotype. Jaskier, in my opinion, is not this one track minded guy who can't keep it in his pants, and that's what he can feel reduced to in a lot, which very much makes me uncomfortable.

Call me a sap, but I love to follow Joey's actual words about how Jaskier is no womanizer (and in this case no man-eater either), he's someone who falls in love with everyone and so very easily. He's a romantic, and he loves sex, sure, but I think he ultimately loves it for more than the basest of pleasures he gets from it, its a deeply intimate act that he shares with these people because, for however shallow or fleeting it is, he loves these people. He loves them for their eyes or for the way they said hello to him or how they played with their hair just before they spoke, or how they sat in the corner alone to brood :P

"but Miles," you say, "you created Ivan to be a witcher Jaskier was horny about." I reply to you yes, we did do that - operative word being was. Ivan was moreso meant to be just,,, a rival in skill and work with Geralt, I suggested he be someone who had known Jask first (very briefly mind you, they only met didn't travel together) bc I thought it would have been fitting given Jaskier seems to be someone who has none of the fear of witchers that most of the continent does when he meets Geralt - who says he hasn't met another? Ivan is meant to be Not Good for Jask anyway, a man who only wants him because he's Geralt's, and Ivan's biggest issue is he just wants everything Geralt has.

this is even more of just my own opinions about the character too, but I think that a lot of Jaskier's overtly horny expression is more of an image he has to keep up anyway. He has a reputation to uphold! He's Jaskier, he's viewed as this promiscuous, showy thing, ad that's what people expect of him - and Jaskier needs to meet expectations. He needs to be what is wanted or needed of him, and if what is wanted of him is to be sexy and entertaining and sexual he will be that.

Yes, he's flirtatious, yes, he's got a high libido, yes, he does have a lot of sex, and sometimes it's even just for fun without that deep connection he wants from others, but ultimately it's because he's a man who loves deep and often and easily, not because he's a slutty bi man stereotype.

idk these are just my thoughts, and I suppose I'm bringing them up just to cut us off at the pass from making this space (my blog, my space for sharing my ideas and art with you) an uncomfortable one. My Jask is platonic with the other wolves, that's just how I want to depict them <3

[wichitalk]

Hi! I was wondering if I could hear about your ocs? I've seen a bit of art you've made of them i think, but don't know much! (I love peoples ocs so much. They are always so cool and interesting)

Yea ofc!!!!! They mean so much to me lol I love telling people about them !! under a readmore cus this got SO long. sorry it took so long btw!! i was struggling to type this all out

Their names are Casper and Will ! Will is the one on the left and Casper is the one on the right !

They’re both 22 rn in the story (Casper’s birthday is in January, and Wills birthday is September!) and they belong to a story I’ve been writing with my friend Rowan (who is @rabies--innit ), their two OCs are juice and Lilith, but I’ve only ever drawn juice lol. Here he is :)

(Funky design, but so hard to draw LOL)

The story *technically* starts with Juice and Casper meeting, but I’ve played around a lot with writing about Casper and Will before they met juice.

Casper and Will have been friends since they were babies, because their parents lived right next to eachother when they were born, and it was out in the middle of no where so they really had no choice but to be friends lol cus there were no other kids.

They live in a fantasy-ish world, there’s wings and hybrids and a lot of fantasy elements, but with modern technology like phones and stuff. There’s definitely cities, but it’s much more spread out and rural in general then the modern world is. When I was first writing their story I was really obsessed with dsmp (still am lol) and I absolutely love the idea of a “canon life system” I.E. multiple lives, so me and Rowan found a way to factor that into the story !!

Both Cas and Will have wings, but I rarely draw them because they’re kinda a pain to function into every drawing, but here are Casper’s wings !!

(Rest of the drawing cropped because I don’t like it LMAO)

Casper and Will’s parents are both really shitty (read:abusive) in different ways, and Will has kinda a.. like. Really impulsive, passionate, fiery personality, so when he was 17 1/2, ish, and Casper was freshly 17 they moved out/ran away (however you want to put it lol).

They were homeless for a while, which is when they met juice for the first time who was homeless because their village got burned down by terrorists.

but anyway cas and will got back on their feet eventually, in a relatively small city. the way I have the canon life system is that when you die there's like... a waiting period that functions kinda like limbo does in the dsmp. so you die, you go to limbo for a little while, then you're alive again. the waiting period can be really any amount of time, but it averages 6 months to a year. it seems longer for those who are dead, just because you're alone for that time and being dead kinda twists your perception of reality.

will also had bipolar and ptsd, which is important to the story and especially this part and post coming back to life. at some point after him and Casper got their own apartment he killed himself (saddest part in the story for me to write!!!!!!!!!! its horrible) because of a mix of mania and mental distress caused by his ptsd.

it took him an abnormally long time to come back to life, probably because of how he died/the intent behind the death? idk the universe is weird I'll figure it out. it took him about a year and 7 months, and in that time casper became really close friends and roommates with juice! their friendship was rocky at best, both because of his unstableness at losing the only person he ever really trusted, and because of Juice's unresolved trauma.

Eventually Will comes back to life, and he now has to deal with readjusting to real life and dealing with the issues the afterlife caused for him. him and casper move out from living with juice, and onto a farm! Casper and Will really enjoy working on the farm and eventually Will decides to open a coffee shop!

thats pretty much where the story is rn, but here are some other fun facts about them

casper has ocd, which is relavent to the story, especially his relationship with juice, but I couldn't find a way to explain it here lol so here it is

him and will use he/him pronouns :)

will is bisexual and casper is gay

they weren't really always dating?? they were ambiguous for a long time especially because their parents were shitty but if you saw them or knew about their relationship it was pretty obvious they had feelings for each other

despite the above, after getting back on their feet after running away will DID date a woman for a little bit. she ended up being a lesbian, lol. but they broke up mostly because will went to her and confessed "hey bro this is awkward because we're dating but I think I'm in love with my childhood best friend" and she went "huh?"

they are still very good friends tho :)

they have lots of dogs on their farm ! i have a massive c/w interest board with sections for all their dogs.

ty for askin about them!!! i love them so much and I love talking about them. feel free to ask any questions :)

[writing-for-me-at-this-point]

About that last post you rebloged about like, pronouns n inclusivity in fics: I find it really differes. I cant say a whole lot about things like eyecolour/skincolour/haircolour n type etc but I have experience with the pronouns stuff.

I have just about every x f!reader tag that you can think of blocked. From general, to specific fandoms to specific characters.

I will go into a character x reader tag and not only be bombarded with f!reader that isnt tagged via hashtags but also shows NO indication that its f!reader.

Even worse, Ive had times where something was tagged gn!reader, and was just straight up using language clearly indicating an afab body. When I said this, they responded with "I tagged it."

I understand that writers cant make re-writes of every piece with every pronoun changed etc. All I ask is clarity about things. Make it clear what it is.

I will go in x reader tags and find more f!reader content then gn!reader, whether its not tagged or wrongfully tagged as gn!reader doesnt really matter, they are both still there.

Reader is gender neutral word.

But thats my view on this whole thing. Im not a writer but I understand that you guys do this for fun and 9/10 dont get a lot out of it. Its just hard to curate your experience when theres no way to actually weed out what you dont want to see.

This isnt directed at anyone inparticular btw, and espessially not you bee, judt my general, rambly thoughts

Okay but that is completely understandable. That's blatant mistagging or just shows the need for better tagging. Shit, I know sometimes I forget to tag things, or that I mistag on accident. But if anyone spots it I have no problem fixing it. I'm sorry about the writer interaction you had, and I hope that more fics get tagged properly as well.

I do agree writers need to fix how they tag. And people who have this issue either don't tag at all, or are beginning writers, who don't know how to do it properly. It's a learning experience, but I empathize with you completely. If I ever mistag or something, I'm always open to fixing them :)

Also I RANTED here:

I remember when insert fics used to be the typical blonde or brunette that's skinny with light eyes and pale skin. Or when things are tagged as x reader and they're blatant OCs. It's gotten better though, and eventually you get an eye for it too.

And I have the tagging issue especially with smut. Nobody tags kinks or puts them in warnings. Nobody puts long ass 100,000+ character posts under a readmore. Like I'm tired of reading a fic and suddenly mister fuckmaster II is making me call him daddy and treating me like a child :/ or when I'm reading a fic and some hard-core BDSM pops up like:

Like please, tag your fics. Mister Fuckmaster II will be able to piss and shit on those who are into the fic if you tag it properly, and significantly lower any hate/negativity that comes your way.

And I understand how the fic community has a lot of afabs and fem in general. From my understanding, girls and females are the biggest market/take up most of the writing space too (in fanfic/fandom). And there's an unconscious bias there too, but mistakes are normal and should be handled respectfully.

My issue was that I see A LOT of people, who aren't writers or content creators, ask for a lot of things when it comes to fics... but they're also the same people who don't interact with posts.

I know I have a lot of ghost readers, or people who just throw a like at max effort, and while I usually don't care, I will admit it doesn't help me with writing or keeping things consistent. What's the point in posting if no one acknowledged the fact I wrote it, ya know? The whole point of social media is to interact. Most of my posts, with the exception of a few, have a 90 to 1 like to reblog ratio. No one comments, either out of like or constructive criticism, and anons now are scarce. But I can understand that because I was gone for a while, but this was happening even before I went on hiatus.

It gets annoying when all I see is "writers need to do this" and "writers should do that" and said advice is just... so dumb. And people demanding shit most of the time aren't even writers, or people who interact with writers.

And it's a simple fix too. Just make a side blog. Put all your shit in there. Your reblogs, your comments, your interactions- if you really want to keep your aesthetic or hide the fact you read fics.

And just because I haven't posted these anons, it doesn't mean I don't get them. I've had people demanding I write more smut, more fluff, less dark content, darker content, extereme kink/abuse... all while being just super rude. Some anons I've got telling me I need therapy or I'm disgusting for writing dark content is the tip of the iceberg.

I guess this is just a rant on how people just demand, demand, demand, and then ask why writers leave/are leaving. Why quality has gone down. Why writers abandon blogs.

I leave anon on because that's how most people interact with me, and because it makes people comfortable, but I assure you if I shut it off, I'd probably get 3 or 4 people in my inbox on average.

I wanna write stuff and see people comment, reblog, or even just leave an anon. I wanna talk with people about my work. I put effort because yall deserve it. Majority of my readers are amazing. And you guys keep the blog alive. Trust me when I say that, because I was planning to abandon/delete after I lowkey left the Obey Me Fandom a year ago. Twst got me back into writing and that community was great. Genshin is great. And all the smaller fandoms I've written for are welcome too. I've accepted being a... honeypot of fandoms lol.

[shikagemaru]

Been having an identity crisis recently. There's It a whole lot of things adding up to that. Call it a rant and ignore it if you want. There's only like 3 of you guys anyway.

I would put a readmore here if I knew how to do that on mobile (thanks for sucking, only social media app I feel at all comfortable with)

•It really doesn't help that the past 7 years of my life have been completely stagnant. Since I haven't been able to work my wife and I have had basically no freedom of our own.

•2 years ago I was put in jail because a pair of psychopaths decided to go from 70 to 0 on the highway in front of us, and get out to try attacking us. I tried backing up to go around but obviously the car behind me was too close and the highway was at speed in the right lane. So I had to go around on the grass while these 2 crazy assholes were approaching while shouting threats. One was coming for my wife's window. So I did what I had to and bumped one of them. He wouldn't move and our safety was more important than him being hurt a little. There was a high speed chase through our community, and while we're on the phone with the police these two are trying to force us off the road. The cops even see one of them hanging out the window shouting threats at us. We pull into a mcdonalds parking lot and after talking to them for a bit the cops arrest me because he said I "ran him over" on purpose. He was so uninjured that he refused medical care at the scene, but he kept telling people I ran him over. They were also both arrested btw. I was held without food or mpving air for over 13 hours and I have a history of heat stroke and hypoglycemia (it's bot exactly that, but it's like living outside of a big city and tellinf people you're from there instead of the local podunk you actually live in). Long story short it was torturous, and then I got put in actual jail. They didn't care that I have a long list of disabilities. When I was released I had to wear an anklr monitor while taking weekly drug tests. The numbers on the drug test kept reading that I was using weed even though I wasn't. It was insanely stressful as the numbers didn't change from one week to another. My fear was that because I was rapidly losing weight from stress that the thc being held onto in the fat was being detected. NOPE. turns out one of my DAILY meds was testing false positive. "Shouldn't they know about the false positive drug and account for it?" Youd think. But when they scanned my medication bottles that one came out blurred and they never entered it into their system. In case there are any lingering feelings that I was guilty, the court case more than handled that. The prosecutor was the kind of scumbag that, before my trial, tried prosecuting this guy's mother-in-law for assaulting him when she tried taking her grandkid out of his arms because he was using the baby to shield himself when the family confronted him about having a fake medical license and it ruining all their lives. It turns out I was put through hell and all he was seeking was "anger management counciling" because he believed that I, the guy protecting his wife, had road rage issues. One listen to the 911 calls would have straightened thst up. My lawyer kicked his ass just a little more than I did on the stand. Long story concluded, thanks for the ptsd. The nightmares have been lovely. So is panicking whenever a door closes kinda loud.

•Last year I was able to self diagnose myself with autism. For those who don't know, the vast majority of autistic people self diagnose, largely due to "experts" on average not being well educated on what autism is outside of the stereotypical cases. Most women aren't diagnosed until adults. Most "high functioning" (which is an awful description when you lesrn that it was created by a literal nazi to separate autistic people into "kill these ones" and "don't kill these ones" categories) people aren't diagnosed until adulthood. And by then actually getting the diagnosis is a challenge. And frequently it involves exercising privelege to get the right people involved.

So knowing what I know now a lot of my life suddenly makes sense. People accusing me of being manipulative when I literally don't know what it is that makes them think that? Severe miscommunications? Obsessing over specific topics to the point where people want to avoid me? Always being "the weird one" and as a result being a social outcast from day 1? Despite being considered very intelligent, I've been super easily manipulated by people my whole life. I can barely ever tell a person no, even if I know I should. Hell. There have been entire relationships I've had with people where I thought we were friends and they didn't think the same thing. Learning who or even how to trust becomes a challenge.

Yeah, it all makes sense now. I want to say "i don't know how they didn't see it", but I do. The 90s was shit for mental health. Since they knew I had tourettes (thanks for that, universe) and adhd, my obsessive tendencies were labeled ocd. Actual adult relationships have gone entirely to shit because of miscommunication. People seem to think I mean one thing when I mean another entirely. People think I'm angry when I'm not. I've basically been told never to be passionate about a topic.

How does a person handle that? It doesn't unfuck relationships with people. Once someone thinks you're lying and manipulating that's it. Nothing you can ever say will ever dissuade them. It doesn't matter that they were the ones that misunderstood. Somehow it becomes the fault of the autistic person. And good luck if you're ever autistic and have a panic attack. So I'm trying not to care about that. It's hard. It's especially hard knowing that things didn't have to, and may not have gone the way they did if i had known about it earlier. I wish I could rebuild certsin relationships. My wife and I used to fight, but since we realized that both of us have these triggers because we're both autistic, we resolve almost every misunderstanding like a walk in the park. But that doesn't work with people you haven't spoken to in years. Even if a lot of it was frankly their fault.

•And the latest fuckery? I have no idea what gender I am. If I had the power to shapeshift I'd probably change on a daily or hourly basis. I had an alt account years ago where I posted fanfiction. Some people in the community assumed they knew my gender and pronouned me as such in the comments. That was the first time I had ever experienced gender euphoria. I was....upset, when someone corrected them. Would have been nice if they asked me first. I enjoyed the confusion quite a lot actually. And since I have a terrible time coming up with names for things (my screen name is from 20 years ago and I never figured out a new one) so I don't know where I would start building up a new persona. And for what? To get the rush of people not knowing which pronouns to use? I hate it. I want it. I don't know if I can ever come out as trans. People think trans means m2f and f2m, and it doesn't really matter to the public consciousness that there's more to it than that. I want to scream at people that I'm trans, but i don't know what I even want my body to look like. If I woke up tomorrow and I was suddenly transformed would I be happy? I have no idea. No? Yes?

I don't know who I am or how to even identify. I'm a disabled, autistic, lgbtq ethnic minority with no financial freedom, and my 40s are approaching. Life is a challenge. Sometimes I wish I could just Danny Phantom it up. And by sometimes I mean daily.