#can you Tell i'm a nerd

[eternalflashh]

nahida, irminsul, and representations of cognition throughout: an analysis

As the god of wisdom, it is probably intuitive that Lesser Lord Kusanali is depicted as someone omniscient, uber wise, indomitable in logic and without flaw of reasoning. More often than not, though, throughout the archon quest and story quests, we have been shown some of her shortcomings, from her lack of knowledge in certain aspects, and her susceptibility to certain forms of trickery. In this brief analysis we discuss aspects of human cognition and learning, and compare them to aspects from the story, providing evidence for the contrary—that, perhaps, there is no better representation of wisdom in the challenging nature of Teyvat than a god like her.

(Note: I do not claim to be any sort of expert in the topics I discuss here; this is merely a subjective analysis based on what I've learned of cognitive psychology and observed in canon. And, as with everything else I do, I did this simply because I was bored and I like overthinking things. Read at your own discretion.)

To me, Nahida, Irminsul, and Sumeru's stories are almost like this… super well crafted personification of working human intelligence itself. On a larger, fantastical scale, of course.

We know that the Irminsul is Teyvat’s repository of information—basically the brain. We know that Nahida is a branch of Irminsul, a part of that brain. And, well, this “brain” is actually represented in ways that are almost quite realistic, in many senses.

For starters: one of the most important functions of the brain is that it acquires information—that it learns. It accumulates knowledge, and while neurons do break down (and are not easily replaced, if ever), information is actually quite robust and does not “disappear” easily, besides the natural decay of time. There have been cases where people have lost part of their brains to accidents, yet retain their memories and even cognitive functions intact—the brain is actually far more malleable than one may think.

And in fact, you don’t “unlearn” things. You can’t “remove” things from your mind as easily as you imagine it—most of the time, when you “unlearn” or “extinguish” something, you really are just learning a new association that counters the old one. This new association takes time to develop, and spontaneous recovery often occurs—it takes time to “unlearn” something, or to “relearn” concepts. In life, we often have to correct our false preconceptions (not just in science!) and adapt to an ever-changing world—this constant process of unlearning and relearning and correcting is, essentially, what makes us “wiser”—the more we know, the more we understand. It is a constant growth of the mind. 

Nahida, then, being the deity of wisdom who rules over all knowledge, is a form of being where regular learning processes in cognition are essentially amplified: there is no normal degradation of “memory” (as things are stored in Irminsul reliably); there is no loss of information, and yet Nahida is still able to learn new concepts and understand how they relate to the old ones, revise her understanding based on most recent evidence or events. Basically, she learns quicker than mortals with minimal risk of decay; she is a god, this element of hers (arguably) understandably exists. 

But we also know: Irminsul itself is not perfect. We know that memories of Irminsul have, indeed, been deleted or altered. Of course this could easily be chalked up to the fantasy aspect outside of the analogy, but this could still be explained in terms of regular brain anomalies. Deleted memories could be analogous to memory loss in a sense (anterograde amnesia, cf. retrograde amnesia), while altered memories are, in fact, pretty common in real life—perhaps even more so than memory loss, for various reasons pertaining to heuristics, bias, and preconceptions—even though we tend to not realize it at all, unlike the glaring effects of memory loss.

Putting aside the why’s and how’s for now, memory loss is typically more noticeable than altered memory, but either way, the brain can actually accommodate for memory losses/alterations by bending to fit the “narrative” they previously had. The brain doesn’t like inconsistencies and gaps—it will try to explain something in the most coherent way possible with whatever available facts, which is actually a helpful adaptation to have in case we cannot obtain every piece of data we need. (The phenomenon is most common in terms of visual gaps, but is also prevalent with other senses and also with memory. For more, look up constancy bias.) Though, of course, in the case of memory loss or alteration, this isn’t necessarily a good thing. But in fact, this is what Irminsul does—it restructures itself accordingly with what facts are available, constructing a “coherent” narrative that, as we know, is false.

From this, we’ll be branching out to two points. The first is that Nahida’s existence aligns with this analogy in the sense that the removal of knowledge from Irminsul (of which she is an avatar of) is representative of the “weakening” or “shrinking” of the brain. As mentioned previously, this is not in the physical sense, for the case of the brain—but because Nahida is the physical representation of the abstract brain, then it makes sense that she shrunk during the eradication of forbidden knowledge. She lost all that knowledge gained—it would have mean her “growth” and “learning” has essentially reverted, hence she returns to a “younger” form of who she once was (see Nahida’s 2nd SQ) (though in act 5 of the AQ, it was Rukkhadevata splicing a branch off Irminsul itself, the image still stands that what’s left of the knowledge once forbidden knowledge has been taken away is not much). 

Now what, exactly, forbidden knowledge is, we don’t know yet, but how it affects the brain would not be so much of a mystery—there are pieces of insightful or revolutionary findings that can influence plenty of one’s beliefs, or the way one sees and interprets the world, which would then change the way one process information and generates new thoughts in turn. For example, imagine that one day you wake up with the existence of “blue” gone from your mind. Nothing is blue to you—things that you would once call blue will look greenish-yellow to you, even the feeling of “blue” will simply be called “depressed”, or something else, but nothing in the world will be blue to you. That simple “removal” can change a lot of things from how you perceive to how you describe, which is why the effects of removing forbidden knowledge can take a huge toll, or at least a huge change, on Irminsul—hence the big metaphorical brain, hence Rukkhadevata, hence Nahida.

And second, what happened to “Irminsul” being perfect? We cannot call Irminsul a repository of “perfect” knowledge, i.e., that every information it contains is true to the core, because we know the information stored in Irminsul is faulty and malleable. In fact, Irminsul being “perfect” is with respect to its functionality as a brain, as a system. Theoretically, when exposed to true information, a perfect brain should contain only true information. But we know there are forces beyond Teyvat, ones that Irminsul inherently can’t capture/perceive (e.g. the twins). It’s like us not being able to understand a dolphin’s cries, or the color vision of a shrimp, or anything beyond three-dimensional vision—this is inherently the nature of Irminsul itself to not capture that information (with exceptions I'll come to later). Irminsul is still an essentially “perfect” functioning brain, but inherently not designed to capture that beyond its scope. Which then would make sense why it can be altered or robbed of memories in such a way that it would not “break”—it can self-regenerate, it can still function brilliantly. It thinks it functioning perfectly fine means it’s still intact, when in fact, it has been contaminated with false information without it even realizing.

Back again: this is very much like the brain, like human cognition. Because rational humans make judgment based on the available facts, this becomes a problem when your facts are wrong. Usually, with humans, there is a degree of confidence to which you would know whether what you know is right—but if you have a “perfect” brain like Nahida theoretically does, or at least a very highly functioning one, you would have little reason to question your brain. And that, is in fact, her pitfall.

As we've seen from Nahida's second story quest, because she doesn’t have all the facts, she has to make do with what she knows. And she still does that sufficiently, as her godly capabilities should allow. But she also makes decisions that quite mirror her old ones: wanting to eradicate the remnants of forbidden knowledge herself, willing to lose her power and revert her own evolution in favor of apep’s health. One would not make the same decisions if they’ve learned the catastrophic price for it—Nahida is, alas, uninformed now, so she proceeds to make the same mistakes. If it weren’t for the traveler, Nahida would have so easily fallen into the same rabbit hole again; this is what happens when you “erase” memories, or revert time—you are only bound to repeat old mistakes. 

Here I’d also like to briefly mention that because the traveler did not have a good justification for stopping Nahida (they couldn’t, after all), it’s likely that Nahida would not “learn” why this was a bad idea, if not out of sole trust. As in, without the traveler’s continuous intervention, it is highly likely she would fall into this pitfall of her old mistakes one day… or would she?

Aside from her and Irminsul’s story being a very nicely fitting metaphor to the brain, she actually also represents cognitive strategies very well in her speech & personality, which solidifies in the metaphor very neatly. One major thing I'd like to point out is her constant use of analogy—which may sound like a gimmick or just a random personality trait. But in fact, in cognitive research, analogical reasoning has been shown to be a robust predictor of effective learning and success. So the fact that she often spits out seemingly random analogies out of nowhere isn’t just a random trait, but rather, a sign that she is constantly abstracting commonalities between distinct phenomena and learning about them effectively (in contrast to rote memorization). 

This is, in fact, an incredibly important thing—as you might’ve already realized—because it combats the dependence on memorization, which we’ve seen is a problem given the inherent state of Irminsul and malleable memory! And we’ve seen these analogies play a very important factor in the progression of the AQs and SQs, like when she transcribed the truth about Scaramouche/Wanderer in form of a fairytale to preserve it from being lost to the void, or how forbidden knowledge was altered into a different form—the oozing stuff in the Chasm. This is such an important aspect of Nahida’s character because it shows that she understands that the power of transformation or abstraction transcends that of simple mass erasure, and can be used as a manner of preservation. Quite literally, the power of analogy was used to show Nahida’s expertise not only through merely being knowledgeable, but also through creativity, just as its role is in the world.

And most importantly, it does imply that she realizes the shortcomings of her “brain” aka Irminsul. (I hypothesize it’s either an effect of her memory loss (memloss on a wide scale, like retrograde amnesia, would show “loss” effects instead of adaptation, like the symptoms Nahida exhibited) or Dottore’s intervention of telling her about false skies, that makes her realize how much she doesn’t know.) Perhaps this, even, is what Rukkhadevata meant when she said “you will be a better archon than I”, because she already has ways of overcoming these past cognitive flaws as well. This—this realization that your brain can be functioning perfectly and still be flawed, exactly because of its perfect nature—this is the invisible yet solid distinction between being knowledgeable and being wise. And this is why Nahida is the god of wisdom, rather than just a library that contains every information in the world.

In sum: Irminsul and Nahida is a really nice representation, whether intentional or just by pure coincidence and overreach on my part, of a "perfect" functioning brain in a world of unreliable information, and Nahida's ability to abstract hidden symbols to preserve truths addresses this issue quite admirably. All of this nicely manifests in Nahida through little quirks that may be overlooked, but (I suspect) may be very significant to her character and the development of the future plot. Thank you I am Done

[bennetsbonnet]

I know I turned this scene into a joke about how gorgeous Colin Firth is... but the pineapple that lurks in the background of the Netherfield ball when Mr Collins is yapping to Mr Darcy is such a subtle detail that I really appreciate!

The wealthy at this time in Britain were a little bit obsessed with pineapples. Depictions of them featured as decoration in country homes, in political cartoons, paintings and crockery (warning: Margaret Thatcher jumpscare🥴 but you can read more about that here and here).

But to have an actual pineapple on display during a large social gathering such as a ball? That was really showing off.

Especially when you consider it cost £150 (or approx. £28,000 today) to buy the initial plant, build a hothouse to grow them in and run it... with no guarantees they'd grow given the climate was not exactly suited for growing pineapples! It was a huge risk.

All this meant that pineapples were so scarce that they became incredibly sought after. Naturally, rich people did silly rich people things to acquire them and show them off... perhaps they were the NFTs of their day?

A single pineapple was valued at £60 (approx. £11,000 today). Given the cost and effort of acquiring one, you'd think people would be keen to tuck in and sample this exotic fruit? Nope. Pineapples were not eaten! Of course not! They were displayed on plates surrounded by other less prestigious fruit during dinner parties and other social occasions, usually until they rotted. They could be rented for special occasions too. Such was their value that naturally they became the target of thieves and some pineapples even had their own security guards!

In the end, colonialism (because all British history eventually returns to that) meant that pineapples could be imported cheaply and their status was devalued when the working classes could afford to buy them.

But next time you watch Pride and Prejudice (1995), pay attention the scenes in the dining room at the Netherfield ball and look out for the pineapple... which is the second prickliest thing in shot (behind Mr Darcy). 🍍

Also... just to throw in a little etymological rant... as a treat: I know most of the rest of the world calls them ananas... but in English (and other languages) all fruit used to be called an apple of some sort. We just never got around to changing pineapple.

The humble potato has some peculiar names in other languages... looking at you, French and Dutch with your pommes de terre (apples of the earth) and aardappels (earth apples)... and then there is also the Italian for tomato... pomodoro... (golden apple) when most the rest of the world call them some version of the Nahuatl 'tomatl'.

Languages are just funny like that and that's why I find them fascinating!

[royalarchivist]

How to Archive VODs and Clips

Whether you want to download VODs and/or clips for your own records or because you’d like to share them online, knowing how to archive things is handy, especially when so many streams become lost media once they’re deleted off Twitch and/or YouTube.

Here are a few programs that I use for Royal Archivist!

—

Of all the programs on this list, my personal favorites / the ones I most strongly recommend are Cobalt and Twitch Downloader! (When all else fails, OBS is also a good backup).

Cobalt

Cobalt has gained a lot of popularity the past few months, and for good reason! It's a very reliable, extremely user-friendly website that lets you save videos in MP4 formats, convert them into MP3 formats, or video-only without sound.

Cobalt is currently compatible with: BlueSky, Dailymotion, Facebook, Instagram, Loom, OK, Pinterest, Reddit, RuTube, SnapChat, SoundCloud, Streamable, TikTok, Tumblr, Twitch, Twitter, Vimeo, VK, Xiohongshu, and YouTube.

Twitch’s built-in download feature

If you’re downloading your own clip, this is the easiest method to use

First, navigate to your clips page.

To do this, click on your Twitch icon and go to “Creator Dashboard.” There will be a row of icons on your left - click the fifth button from the top (the one above the settings icon) and click on the link that says “Clips.”

At the top of the page, click on “Clips I’ve Created” and you should see a list of every clip you’ve ever made (regardless of whether or not you’ve published them, the clips are there!)

If you're having trouble, you can also type: https://dashboard.twitch.tv/u/ YOUR USERNAME HERE /clips/created

Click on the share button, and the list shown in the photo below will pop up.

After you click on the “Download” button (for landscape or portrait), a new tab will open up with the clip (which will autoplay, so heads up if you have your volume turned up high!)

Right click on the video and click “Save Video As”

That’s all there is to it! Please keep in mind that Twitch’s download function only works for clips you’ve made! You cannot use it to download VODs, or other people’s clips.

Twitch Downloader

Twitch Downloader is by far the BEST Twitch download program I have ever used. I’ve used several different ones, some which have broken because of Twitch’s updates, others which have fallen into disrepair because their creator no longer updates the program, but this one has been working consistently for me for a little over a year now. I’ve kept it very close to my chest because I’m terrified it’ll stop working one day, but it’s better to share resources than horde them out of fear.

Pros:

HD quality for all downloads! Whatever quality the stream was, that’s the quality the download will be (unless you adjust anything in the settings).

The best feature of this program is you can adjust how much you want to clip! Only want a 30 second clip from a 6 hour VOD? You can specify the section you want to download so long as you know the timestamps where you want the clip to start and where you want it to end.

You can download entire VODs.

When saving the file, it will automatically enter the original name of the stream and the stream date. (You can change this, but it’s very handy when you’re downloading an entire VOD and not a section of one).

It will automatically prompt you to update it when a new version has been released. (You do have the option to opt out of this, if you want).

There are a lot of other features available, however, I’ve never tried any of them so I can’t say how well they work. The Github page has a lot of examples and a Q&A section though, so check that out if you’re curious!

On the rare occasion that the program encounters issues, it's easy to use a past version, and the creators are quick to release new updates that resolve any problems. As of today (February 21, 2025) the latest version is currently 1.55.2, which updated last week.

Cons:

Sometimes when you click “Get Info” it won’t immediately load the VOD. This is pretty easy to solve by just restarting the program, so it’s not a huge issue imo.

You can’t preview clips before you download them, so you need to know the exact timestamps you want.

You can’t download VODs that are privated or no longer on Twitch.

How to use:

Download Twitch Downloader from Github and install the version that works for your computer. (In this case, I would download the GUI Windows-x64.zip version. Make sure you’re downloading the GUI version if you want a user-friendly version of this program).

Enter the URL of the VOD you’d like to download.

You can adjust the quality of the video and the length. If nothing is specified in the “Crop Video” section, it will download the entire VOD.

Once you’re ready, click the “Download” button and you’re good to go!

Open Video Downloader

If you’ve ever wanted to download any kind of video, I’m sure you’ve heard of Youtube-dl. There are different versions of this program, but some of them are a bit finicky and if things stop working, it can be difficult and frustrating trying to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it — which is why I recommend this program.

Open Video Downloader, aka youtube-dl-gui, is one of the best video downloaders I’ve ever used. It’s basically Youtube-dl with a Graphical User Interface (GUI) that makes the program very easy for anyone to use.

Pros:

No coding knowledge required! VERY user-friendly.

The creator fixes user issues very quickly! Whenever the program experiences a problem, a new update is released within 24 hours.

It can download videos from pretty much all major social media platforms, including Youtube, Twitter, Tumblr, Twitch clips, Instagram, and more.

Cons:

You can’t adjust the length of what you want to download. If you want to download a 2 minute section from a 5 hour Youtube VOD, you’ll have to download the entire video.

On rare occasions, I’ve had issues where it cannot download an unlisted Youtube video. There are sometimes ways to get around this, but it’s a pain and usually not worth the effort.

How to use it:

Download the latest version of the program from GitHub. Scroll all the way down to “Assets” and select the version that’s right for your computer. (For example, I use Windows, so I would download the .exe file).

Once you’ve installed it, you can start downloading things! For this example, let’s say I want to download Quackity’s “Welcome to the QSMP” video. All I need to do is copy the link and paste it into the white box at the top of the program.

Once that’s done, you should see the video pop up in your download queue. You can queue multiple videos to download at once (you can also download entire playlists too). When you’re ready, click the green download button on the bottom right (as shown in the picture below) or if you only want to download one specific video from your queue, click the download button (circled in red) next to the video.

You can adjust the quality of the video you want to download, and in theory you can choose whether to download just the audio or just the video of a video, but personally that’s never worked for me. That might just be a me issue though.

If you’d like to change where your videos are saved to, click the Folder button (circled in yellow) and choose a download destination. If nothing is chosen, it will default to your Downloads folder.

There are ways you can customize this program, but like I said earlier, this program is very very easy to use and does not require any tinkering whatsoever. You open it, download what you want, then close it. Nice and simple!

Other Recommendations

OBS is a good backup when all else fails! I have to use OBS pretty frequently for YouTube VODs, since there aren't a lot of tools that let you clip parts of a YouTube video (and I'd rather not download an entire 7 hour long VOD for a 30 second clip). There are already a lot of good tutorials out there explaining how to use OBS, so I recommend poking around and seeing what works best for you. If you're new to video downloading / archiving things, I'd still recommend starting with some of the tools I mentioned above first.

I’d recommend making a folder on your computer for clips. I find it very helpful to name all my files with this method: [Stream date] Streamer name - Something that helps me remember what this clip is about / something that will help me find it later, or a quote.

Example: [2-6-24] Mike - I hate capitalism

If you’ve got a significant amount of clips on your computer, I’d recommend backing them up and/or saving them to an external harddrive!

That’s about it! I apologize if I’ve missed any steps, but hopefully everything is more or less easy enough for folks to understand! I’m someone who does not like downloading random programs onto my computer and I’m very paranoid about cyber security, but I’ve used these programs for over a year now, and they’re very reliable and trustworthy. 10/10, I recommend both of them.

Lastly: if anyone has a recommendation for good Youtube clip downloaders, please let me know! I haven’t found any good programs that let me specify how much of a Youtube video I’d like to download, and I am suffering. Help your friendly neighborhood Archivist so I can share more clips from the early days of QSMP.

[washichan]

Just now think about the relationship of Nero and Dante in DMC4 and DMC5. The possible other reason of why Dante pushed Nero away out of his life and go silent for years could be because of the implication that, Dante won't touch anything that of Vergil. As we have seen Dante trying to take Vergil's poem book from him in VoV. Ever since the fire that Dante likely blamed himself as the cause, he could have this mentality of not taking any that of Vergil, which also explain there is nothing of his twins that he owns. And it stretches to Nero, because Nero is Vergil's legacy. And Dante won't claim him, even though how much the young man meant to him, as the only surviving member of his family. Dante really love his nephew yet he doesn't want another tragedy happen due the things that has happened.

[theofficialpeanutgallery]

I like to imagine Gordon getting increasingly flustered at the vortigaunts' nonstop praises. Just like, face slightly going pink, rubs the back of his neck and looks away all "aw, shucks".

Like, yes, Gordon Freeman is an unstoppable force of nature, but he's also like. Just a guy. He's a nerd and probably a little overwhelmed with suddenly being this Big Hero™️ that everyone is in awe over.

He's the guy who single-handedly WRECKED the Citadel with nothing but the gravity gun, destroying everything and/or one in his path, but like. They kidnapped his friends. NOBODY touches his friends without feeling the wrath of ten thousand supernovas.

But he's also the guy who fiddles with stuff in his friends' labs like a kid in a candy store. He's a man of multitudes.

[barrenclan]

do u have any insight on how you write deepdarks dialogue so effectively.... Odd. cuz oh man its good. like boy can you say one normal sentence

Actually, I can expand on it! I do a couple things specifically to write Deepdark's dialogue, I'll provide some examples and talk about it here:

Deepdark uses more big words than other characters - a loquacious speaker, you could say. I do the same thing with a character from my other comic, Applestar; it sets them apart and gives them a more bureaucratic, old-fashioned feeling to their speech. For example; "paltry", "piquant", and "loath" in the last issue.

I purposefully write some of Deepdark's sentences in a way that is ungrammatical, because it gives his words an off-kilter rhythm where your brain has to take a split second to process what he means. Deepdark's voice is meant to be song-like, with all his words flowing into each other, and his ungrammatical sentences show a clear falseness and intention to how he speaks, rather than it being natural. For example; "Not a touch to her remains", "Death already to me as I speak", and "[...] this does not lead my only path forward".

If you've ever attended a slam poetry competition, you'll be familiar with the kind of patter that slam poets use when they're reaching the crescendo of their piece. Words get shorter, more staccato, more snappy, and it speeds up the rhythm of their voice. You can also use dashed words to speed up how the sentences feel, because you're combining the speed of two words into one. Alliteration also naturally speeds up the way you speak. This lends to the previously mentioned singsong tone, but it also is intended to manipulate emotions and keep your attention focused on the speaker. For example;

Here's a 'slow sentence', from the beginning of Deepdark's unbroken monologue: "I’ve got quite a lot of thoughts of which to sort out, and I think I could use some help from such a bright young buck as you."

Here's a 'fast sentence', from the end when he's threatening Pinepaw: "I own his legacy, bathing in its gore, and swallow the salty-sweet taste of its final extinction."

4. I studied a few transcripts of speeches from famous cult leaders throughout recent history to see how they speak before I started writing Deepdark's character, and how they put sentences together, as well as what emotions they play on. It's a lot of grand promises, repeated phrases, exciting and lengthy and talkative and emotional and bold language that's meant to stir you up.

Hope that makes sense and reads alright! I enjoy thinking about individual character voices and how to write them.

[indieyuugure]

So turtles don't need a flashlight to see in the dark? Is that why their eyes are glowing?

So….it’s complicated.

Technically, irl turtles do not have eye glow, which is a reflective film over a creatures’ eyes. Animals such as dogs, cats, and raccoons have this which is why flash photography photos makes them look super cursed/demonic.

It’s technically not an actual glow like fireflies (which use bioluminescence) either, it’s more like how street signs or bicycle reflectors “glow” when a car’s headlights flash over them.

Also important to note that while yes turtles do have a second eyelid, it’s purely for keeping junk out of their eyes while swimming and applying fluid. There’s no reflective property to the membrane.

Now, turtles are said to have better night vision than humans despite lacking eye glow. This is because (at least from what I read) turtles and other types of reptiles are what’s called “tetrachromatic.” Humans are trichromatic: we can see red, green and blue light, however turtles are able to see a fourth light spectrum that’s lower in the reds zones (some creatures it’s higher in the ultraviolet spectrum).

At least from what I’ve read, this helps increase their night vision and would mean that, while it’s hard for us to envision a color that we can see, their nighttime would look sorta reddish but mildly brighter than what we see?

Now, all this said, I’m not sure why the turtle’s eyes glow in most TMNT incarnations—the obvious reason being because it looks cool, but no real in-universe reason exists. My best guess is it’s because of the mutagen’s energy dimly dissipating and is visible through the fine veins in the turtles’ eyes. However, their blood doesn’t glow, just their eyes, so I don’t really know, maybe it’s just a mutant thing or something 🤷‍♀️

I don’t connect their glowing eyes to better night vision per se, but that would make sense so…sure?

I have no idea.

Good question! :]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

At the start of this project all I wanted was to 'learn how to draw' using comics as a medium and the MDZS audio drama as inspiration.

I've come *very* far from making simple, 3 panel black and white comics, and I truly do intend to go even further. Thank you to everyone who cheered me on throughout 2023, it has been an incredible year in so many ways I never could have imagined. I look forwards to drawing throughout 2024 B*)

(2024 summary here)

[debilsposts]

Another dumb long-ass hc time because this time, I'm just bored, and I have like 30 followers, which means I can say whatever I want with no real consequences. Okay, so you know the principle of least interest, where whoever cares less in a relationship holds the most power? Yeah. jaytim can be a textbook example of this, except the power balance keeps shifting like a badly played game of chess. And, proven by GK video game, they actually do suck at chess at first.

Tim has mastered the art of restraint. He wants, but never too much. He cares, but never visibly. He moves through most things like it’s a game of chess – never reaching too far at first, never tipping his hand. His favorite piece is, unsurprisingly, the rook, one of the most underestimated pieces, but the most powerful toward the endgame, when the board is open, and he sees a clear path to getting what he wants.

Jason is the opposite. He feels with a reckless, all-consuming intensity. When he cares, it’s devouring. Which is why he keeps himself locked down, why he pushes and snarls and pretends he doesn’t want anything at all. Jason is a knight, wild, unpredictable, moving in patterns that don’t make sense to anyone but him. A piece that jumps over obstacles instead of maneuvering around them.

So, Tim plays his pieces carefully, deliberately. He waits for Jason to move first, waits for him to overextend, because Jason will overextend. That’s just how he is. He goes all in, always.

But Tim doesn’t capture him. Not yet. He tries to keep his own feelings safe, his defenses solid, his emotions locked behind a perfectly constructed wall of pawns. He makes it impossible for Jason to chase them. Makes him doubt. Jason is the one leaping in first, the one wanting more, the one Tim keeps at a distance just because he can.

Tim’s the one who says things like, “This doesn’t have to mean anything, right?” And Jason? Jason is the one who acts like it doesn’t matter, like it doesn’t gut him when Tim resets the board before he can even play.

And he keeps doing so, very often.

But here’s the thing – Jason is a competitive bastard. If he realizes he’s there's no way of winning this, he does the one thing Tim never accounted for.

He flips the board.

No more games. Jason just walks away.

“I'm tired of waiting for more.”

And Tim?

Tim panics.

Because Jason wasn’t supposed to do that. He was supposed to stay. He was supposed to keep jumping back. He wasn't supposed to be able to walk away and take half of Tim with him. Tim thought he had control, but now Jason is gone, and suddenly the game isn’t the same anymore.

So he finds himself searching, chasing, breaking his own rules.

He finds himself playing blind, making desperate moves, leaving his heart exposed just to bring Jason back to the board.

Tim sacrifices calculation for instinct. He abandons caution, trades logic for emotion, and steps into the open unarmed, hoping, praying, that Jason will see it for what it is.

"'s not a trap. Not a trick. Just– come back."

And maybe Jason does. Maybe he hovers at the edge of the board, watching Tim dismantle his own defenses, watching him make foolish, reckless moves that don’t suit a master tactician.

Maybe Jason lets him suffer a little. Makes him sweat. Because if Tim wants him, he should have to prove it. 

But then, chess isn’t a game of brute force, it’s a game of patience. Of control and punishment. And love? Love is neither of those things.

Jason has to learn that not every move is an attack. That loving someone doesn’t mean winning or losing. That being vulnerable doesn’t mean being captured.

Tim has to learn that keeping his distance doesn’t actually make him untouchable. That locking down every piece doesn’t stop the board from shifting beneath him.

And the only way they work, the only way they don’t collapse under the weight of their own defenses, is when they stop trying to win. When they stop holding love hostage like a piece they’re afraid to sacrifice.

Because in the end, the principle of least interest doesn’t matter. Because in the end, there’s no checkmate, no final move, no last play that leaves one of them victorious.

Because in the end, Jason never really left the board.

And Tim was always playing for keeps.

[small-toast]

bear in mind? yeah :] ☀🌧

[vrobinswingsv]

this is for @polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup's pez dispenser debris!! but in particular this is for iida because of the tags on their explanation of how todoroki and izuku get together.

anyway this is very messy and silly but I couldn't get the idea out of my head. love you iida king go take a nap and put on a facemask you deserve it.

[qoldenskies]

You dropped out of school?????

yeah, i went and got a GED. it was because i had unmedicated adhd as well as what in retrospect was probably just a mix of undiscovered dyscalculia (i cannot do basic addition, it made math impossible) and also. idk ocd. i genuinely still cannot identify the source of my problem, because starting 2021 i just began to have severe panic attacks every single day i went to school. and i dont mean one, i had up to three or four a day. the second i felt slightly frustrated or overwhelmed i'd just start crying and wouldn't stop, and we tried things like a 504 (which most of my teachers didn't even adhere to, even when i told them i had it lmao) or even putting me on antidepressants and it didnt work, unfortunately.

in retrospect its just such a shocking thing to me, because ive been out of school since 2023 and it doesnt feel like its something that happened, like,,, to me. i'd say that i might have trauma around school, but its not a traumatic subject to talk about. you dont need to give me any condolences i have a very clinical view on it. im happy i dropped out!

[cyclogenesis]

ryan reynolds photos i've been fixating on lately 35/∞

[seaofthesoul]

🪷 The Lotus Flower in Mysterious Lotus Casebook 🪷

i. Growing Deep Roots

As noted by difeisheng, Li Xiangyi is an image more than he is a person. He’s the “symbol” and “beating heart” of the Sigu sect; “he embodies everything [the sect] stands for” and “has become one with every person he represents” in his role as a leader. As such, one might say he doesn’t exist as an individual who’s allowed the luxury of flawed, fluid humanity. Rather, he’s fixed into an object: a shield protecting those under his care, a mirror reflecting those he’s taken upon himself to be the champion for.  

While a heavy burden to carry, this identity as image is also shown to be brittle, hollow, like a hazy mirage which is more dazzling appearance than substance. Even Fang Duobing introduces Li Xiangyi to Li Lianhua by showing him a painting of his shifu — ink on a page, a person turned into a hero to be worshipped and idolated. 

Li Lianhua, over the ten years that pass after the Great Battle of the East Sea, works to plant and cultivate a new identity in the same way one might grow flowers. Li Lianhua forms deep roots and grows out of the mythical hero’s shell he’d been carrying as Li Xiangyi, thus developing an identity which is solid and grounding in contrast — an identity which involves “walk[ing] within a crowd instead of [soaring] above it.”

This shift from image to person is itself rooted in the lotus mantra (written by Buddhist Layman Pang during the Tang Dynasty) which Li Xiangyi first encounters after monk Wu Liao rescues him:

一念心清净 莲花处处开

The heart attains peace with a single thought; Lotus flowers bloom all around.

Although the exact timeline is left to interpretation, it’s implied that the lotus mantra operates as a catalyst of change for Li Xiangyi and that he changes his name to Li Lianhua after reading it. Now what is it about it that speaks to Li Xiangyi so deeply in that moment? As noted in 《 人間福報 》, the lotus mantra teaches us that a pure heart will result in an open and enlightened mind. One subtle, profound thought rife with compassion is enough for a person to glimpse Buddha in a flower, a leaf, a grain of sand or a speck of dust. In short, “if you can find peace within yourself, then you will find peace everywhere.” Perhaps Li Xiangyi, at his lowest point, finds solace in the prospect of stripping his life down to its very core and searching for purity, wisdom and peace within his troubled heart.    

By renaming himself 莲花/liánhuā lotus flower, Li Lianhua takes his destiny into his own hands; he empowers himself into reshaping his identity and laying down the foundations for the person he wants to become. Similarly to The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity which tells us that “names are the shortest spells in the world,” Li Lianhua’s new name functions as a spell which speaks a new him into existence. It’s a deliberate choice, a conscious attempt at breaking free from the suffocating shell Li Xiangyi was trapped in and become a person of his own choosing. 

The act of (re)naming notably also extends to Li Lianhua’s abode which he dubs 莲花楼 “Lotus Tower.” In addition to this significant choice of name, it’s interesting to note that Li Lianhua starts growing vegetables inside Lotus Tower when he’s left with nothing after his demise at the East Sea and is facing starvation. As such, his home is quite literally a site not only of self-sustenance and survival, but also of growth — a growth which requires hard work, patience and faith and nearly brings Li Lianhua to tears when his hopes are finally rewarded and the seeds he planted begin sprouting. The act of physically planting vegetables and learning to cook those vegetables speaks of a refreshing and grounding simplicity — of something disarmingly vulnerable and human after playing the role of a god-like figure. Li Lianhua has sweat on his brow and hope in his heart; he plants seeds, watches them grow and keeps himself alive by his own hands.

It seems it’s not only Li Lianhus’a home, but also his very person, which steadily grow into a lotus flower. Li Lianhua wears a variety of hairpins directly linked to the lotus, and the colour coding of his garments moves from the red he used to wear as Li Xiangyi to a lighter palette filled with greens and blues — colours which are more obviously linked to nature.

ii. Life Borrowed and Given Away

The lotus, both traditionally and within the drama itself, is closely connected to the theme of rebirth. On a literal level, the exotic lotus flowers of Cai Lian Manor grow directly from the corpses of the victims drowned in the pond, thus embodying life born from death. thawrecka writes in their story that Li Lianhua is “nothing but a lotus nurtured by a walking corpse, a body that doesn’t realise it should already be dead.” On a figurative level, the lotus grows in muddy water but blooms unsullied every morning, thus symbolising rising from a dark place and growing into something beautiful and colourful despite all the odds. The different stages of the lotus’ blooming can be taken to represent the beginning, middle and end of a spiritual path in Buddhism — a parallel to the theme of 趟/tāng taking a journey which underscores the drama in various ways.

Li Lianhua’s journey, more specifically, is that of a lotus being reborn. The soundtrack piece 《 一壶莲花醉 》 “A Pot of Lotus Wine” emphasises this connection in the following lines:

问一句莲花的悲喜 断一柄弃剑入青泥

I ask about the joys and sorrows of the lotus; A broken, abandoned sword is thrown into the mud.

Not only does Li Lianhua keep stressing at different points of the drama that Li Xiangyi is dead and all that is left behind is Li Lianhua; he even breaks his own sword Shaoshi at the end of the story, thereby physically reenacting a process of destruction—death—and rebirth. As Li Lianhua writes in his farewell letter: 

剑断人亡

My sword is broken, and I will be gone.

The significance of Li Lianhua’s action is further intensified here by the fact that the sword in the song is said to be thrown into 泥/ní mud, the site from which a lotus flower grows.

Considering that Shaoshi operates as a device embodying Li Lianhua’s character development throughout the drama, the fact that Li Lianhua decides to break it in the last episode should be taken as a key moment in which he chooses how his own narrative is going to end. Li Lianhua decides to kill for good the glorious image of Li Xiangyi which has become sullied with pain and regret in his heart, so that a simple, fragile peace can begin growing in its place like a lotus flower amidst the mud.

However, the tragedy of Li Lianhua’s narrative is that the rebirth he works to achieve for all these years is not his own to enjoy and never was intended to be. After the Great Battle of the East Sea, as Li Lianhua is reborn from Li Xiangyi and starts planting seeds all around him, he has already accepted that he’s nothing but a ghost, “wandering in the jianghu to close his loose ends and finally [...] vanish without a trace, not even a body left behind.” As mx-myth remarks, even the shift in his garment colours to an overwhelming amount of white as the story progresses makes it clear that he’s resigned to go and has “already started dressing for his own funeral.” 

The lotus flower symbolism permeating the narrative accentuates this bone-deep, unshakable resignation. While imprisoned by Jiao Liqiao, Li Lianhua is full of an aching, bittersweet fatalism when he recites a section of Guan Hanqing’s《 窦娥冤 》“The Injustice to Dou E”:

花有重开日 人无再少年 不须长富贵 安乐是神仙

Flowers will blossom again, But a man can never be young again. Seek not eternal wealth; You only need to be content.

Independently from the original meaning of the lines written by Guan Hanqing, the words seem to take on a sad, wistful quality when spoken with a bitter smile by Li Lianhua. In this scene, while the speaker reflects that rebirth occurs outside of themselves in flowers, they acknowledge that their own reality is one inevitably bound to end in old age and decay. Instead of looking forward to a bright future, the speaker doesn’t express any dreams nor ambitions and is only grateful that they’re alive this minute, this second, without any future prospects awaiting them. Perhaps a similar sentiment is reflected in the following lines from 《 一壶莲花醉 》 “A Pot of Lotus Wine”:

了了心事只 不负众生 而已

After settling my worries,  I just want to live up to all sentient beings.

Li Lianhua’s connection to the lotus flower, in fact, was always meant to be one of non-attachment. While Buddhism believes desire to be the root of all suffering, the lotus symbolises non-attachment due to being “rooted in mud (attachment and desire)” while “its flowers blossom on long stalks unsullied by the mud below.” This explains in part why the lotus is considered pure and noble. For Li Lianhua, this non-attachment takes on sorrowful connotations: it means that he stubbornly refuses to reap the seeds he sows and focuses his purest heart and will into ensuring those around him get to reap them instead. Non-attachment means allowing himself enough (a roof over his head, food on his plate) to survive, but rarely letting himself indulge in the precious luxuries of reciprocated love and care — of carefree joy and thirst for adventure.  

The ten years he lives after his first death at the East Sea are, for him, only borrowed time he didn’t deserve — borrowed time not dedicated to himself, but rather dedicated to others.

In many ways, Li Lianhua’s path effectively goes full-circle by the end of the narrative. When he and Di Feisheng reminisce about the moon they remember from ten years ago, they conclude that today’s moon isn’t any brighter than the one alive in their memory: rather, it remains constant, unchanged, as though the past ten years never existed as anything other than a short pause in the story, a coma, long enough for wrongs to be righted but not for an already-dead person’s fate to be changed.

It’s interesting and particularly significant that the Styx flower (忘川花, from 忘川 “River of Forgetting” in the original Mandarin) is said throughout the drama to be the only thing capable of saving Li Lianhua’s life. In traditional Chinese culture, the Styx or River of Forgetting is part of the process of reincarnation; only by crossing it (and forgetting everything they’ve ever experienced and everyone they’ve ever loved) can a person finally reincarnate. For Li Lianhua, salvation through rebirth comes at a high cost — a price he’s evidently been ready to pay since the beginning, even if it means turning him into a ghost who must vanish from the story in order for those around him to grow and thrive further.

When Li Lianhua breaks his own sword to allow for rebirth, it’s not himself he’s saving. His sole purpose throughout his journey as Li Lianhua is to use whatever meagre strength he has left, whatever passion and drive are still alive in him, to save the world in any small ways that he can. He becomes a doctor who heals people; he looks for answers and solves mysteries to atone for the sins he thinks he has committed and rectify the mistakes he thinks he has made, so that those he has hurt can finally find peace and comfort.

The most powerful legacy Li Lianhua intends to leave behind by the end of the story has nothing to do with himself and everything to do with the people around him who he never truly admits he loves — the messy, imperfect world that’s caused him so much pain but that he nevertheless insists on saving with everything he has. 

Most strikingly, Li Lianhua chooses—whether consciously or not—to leave the life and future he’s renounced for himself to his companions Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng. The only traces he purposefully leaves behind live in them: in the Yangzhouman coursing through Fang Duobing’s body; the home, dog and recipe book he passes onto him; the worthy opponent he leaves for Di Feisheng to fight in his stead after he’s gone… 

Fang Duobing, by the end of the story, has grown into more than a disciple and a friend to Li Xiangyi/Li Lianhua: he himself has become the lotus flower bringing renewed life after Li Lianhua has left the narrative, thereby taking Li Lianhua’s legacy into a hopeful, vibrant future. As mx-myth mentions in their colour analysis, Fang Duobing notably wears bright pastel tones including a large amount of green/blue — a colour coding which emphasises Fang Duobing’s connection to spring and, by extension, new life and beginnings. “Life will always go on if there’s spring”; and so Fang Duobing’s youth, vitality and optimism can grow in the empty space left behind by Li Lianhua after he fades into the autumn of his life.

While Li Lianhua’s predominantly light colour palette might appear to align him with other characters in the drama who have left the past behind and are looking towards the future, Li Lianhua made peace long ago with the knowledge that he’s destined not to belong in that future. Just as the Lotus Sutra teaches us that “the inner determination of an individual has great transformative power” and “gives ultimate expression to the infinite potential and dignity inherent in each human life,” Li Lianhua focuses all his transformative efforts on creating a future which, despite having no place for him, will be fertile ground for the entire martial arts world to grow deep, healthy roots. In Li Lianhua’s own words:

幼芽生枝 新木长成 武林也一样 这未来如何 谁又能说得清楚呢

The young sprouts and the new trees grow. The martial arts world is the same. What does the future hold? Who can say clearly?

Should we say, then, that Li Lianhua’s story is one of sacrifice, self-renunciation and resignation — of drifting inevitably towards death as a flower carried by a stream? As he disappears on a boat and is asked where he’s going, Li Lianhua gives a response which echoes his first death at the East Sea in a way that feels entirely deliberate:

小舟从此逝， 江海寄余生

From now on I would vanish with my little boat; For the rest of my life on the sea I would float. 

How are we to understand a person being reborn simply so they can pass on that new life to others, and being convinced that their only true value lies in their death?

Perhaps, in spite of it all, we can find some small comfort in the knowledge that, no matter how sorrowful Li Lianhua’s fate, it’s at least one that he chooses — one that he has full control over, even poisoned and robbed of his life force as he is. As the lyrics of 《 一壶莲花醉 》 “A Pot of Lotus Wine” underline, “it’s just a matter of picking an ending that you like.” Perhaps that’s all that truly matters. 

wuxia-vanlifer makes an excellent point when asking: “What would be more tragic? That he never believed he was loved? Or that he did, but vanished anyway?” While I don’t have an answer to offer, there’s one thing I can say. Li Xiangyi, Li Lianhua — they live and die by love. They can’t conceive of themselves as anything other than a sacrificial tool because, for all that they pretend to be aloof and untethered, they actually love others—and the world—in a bone-deep, profound way they’ve never loved themselves. That love is not only the true driving force behind Li Lianhua’s character and the fate he chooses: it’s the beating heart of the entire drama.

“In this life, I have loved and I have been loved. That is enough.”

Shoutout to the following authors and bloggers whose brilliant words and ideas inspire me, as well as this gorgeous video 💖

ao3: @extraordinarilyextreme @thawrecka

tumblr: @difeisheng @extraordinarilyextreme @mx-myth @wuxia-vanlifer @xinyuehui

[selfship-confession-box]

🍊⚙️ mod, I don't know if you've ever been told this but I love the little statements you leave in the tags occasionally. I really like selfship confession blogs that respond to things(which I completely understand can be a hard thing in general with so many asks, nonetheless ones that can be upsetting and it's not restricted to being just lighthearted confessions), but it's hard for me to find confession blogs that do that. One of the few that I did find that responded to things they didn't even respond, they'd respond with things like "this is irrelevant to the ask but I am so tired today" and it bugged me a little cause like... why respond at all then?? I'm not throwing shade or anything to the blogger, it's just like opening a little goody bag to me to see what you've typed in the tags.

Anon you have no idea how happy this makes me (the way I IMMEDIATELY went to fawn over it to the other mods helpp hehee)

I was a bit nervous about it at first, actually, since it seems like I do it for every post I queue, but after seeing how positively people have responded to it so far, I'm like. Whehawhew!!! y'know?! <3

Consequence of being, and I quote in my very own words from (probably earlier than) Sept. 23rd, "unapologetically A Yapper" <3

[arwenwenofficial]

so I'm writing a musical about the Trojan War

and literally I don't think I've actually explained it so like:

(btw if you're like already a consumer of the Trojan content, this probably sounds real familiar to you also yes I nuked the other like 95 children of Priam shhh leave me alone) Act I largely focuses on a pre-war narrative, starting with the wedding of crown prince Hector to his beloved Andromache. We then follow the youngest prince, Paris, as he is guided to Greece by the love goddess Aphrodite to the most beautiful woman in the world, Queen Helen of Sparta. The problem? Helen is already married, to King Menelaus. Through a series of events, Paris and Helen elope, which kickstarts what would be known in classical literature as the Trojan War as Menelaus and his brother, King Agamemnon of Mycenae, call upon the king of Greece to help take back Helen. Back home in Troy, priestess/princess/seeress Cassandra warns her family of the incoming danger, while the other two sons of King Priam, Helenus and Deiphobus, struggle with their own responsibilities and battle their own demons.

Act II encompasses much of the ninth and tenth years of the war. Now older, wiser, and wearier, Hector must choose between his duty to Troy, or his obligations to his wife and their newborn son, Scamandrius. Meanwhile, Cassandra suffers under the weight of a curse given to her by her patron god, Apollo, and second son Deiphobus begins to buckle under the weight of his own conscience. Desperately, they all try to keep their family from falling. The question is, will they succeed?