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becomewings · 4 years ago

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The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>

BTS Universe Story Highlights, pt. 2 / 4

« pt. 1 | » pt. 3

Introduction

JungKook’s and YoonGi’s stories are the first of the paid content in BTS Universe Story and are substantially more detailed than the episodes covered in part 1. As this led to longer summaries (4.2k and 3k), I have added “tl;dr commentary” at the bottom of the post after a section of additional thoughts. This commentary summarizes the parenthetical asides I made throughout the summaries and may be of interest as standalone reading to those who have already played the game yet would like to review its connections to the BU texts and MVs.

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers and includes references to other BU media

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

The Boy on the Threshold

In this story, SeokJin works to uncover the motivations behind JungKook’s nightly street wandering, instigation of fights with thugs, and decision to jump from the roof of a construction site. He was aware of the “darkness” within JungKook but never thought that he would give up on himself. SeokJin is determined to find a way to make JungKook think “I want to live” on his own.

In the afternoon on 11 April Year 22, SeokJin drives by the crosswalk outside Songju Jeil High School. Spotting a grim-faced JungKook, he gets out to greet him. JungKook visibly brightens and pelts him with question after question, finally finishing with, “But how come you’re here at school?” If the player chooses the response “I came to see you” rather than “I was in the neighborhood,” JungKook seems a little disbelieving due to the coincidental timing but nevertheless pleased. SeokJin offers him a ride, thinking that JungKook will not carry out that night’s actions from previous loops if he gets home right away. In the car, SeokJin reminisces aloud about the day they all met. On 3 March Year 19, all seven boys arrived late on the first day at Songju Jeil High School and were scolded outside by the Dean. (Aside from the absence of extra students, this scene looks very similar to the BTS Begins Middle Scene VCR, including the detail of YoonGi arriving last. This VCR predates official BU content.) When the Dean spotted SeokJin in their lineup, he reduced their punishment of community service for one month to just that afternoon. After classes, the boys cleaned the annex. The old classroom-turned-storage room became their secret hideout where they enjoyed various activities like dancing, playing the piano, and spending time with one another. JungKook appears happy as they chat about their school days, although in one path, his face falls after he remembers when he and YoonGi were caught in the annex. SeokJin is concerned, but JungKook insists, “It’s nothing.”

They say goodbye outside JungKook’s house, but SeokJin watches to make sure he goes inside. JungKook hesitates before ringing the bell at the gate. His mom answers, surprised and at a loss by his unexpected arrival. She asks him to come back later because his father’s relatives stopped by, and the intercom cuts off before he can answer. (His mother remarried, so this is really his step-father and family.) SeokJin wonders if JungKook has no one to lean on at school or at home and if this is why he wanders the streets at night. He asks JungKook where he wants to go now. “The beach… the one I went to with you guys,” JungKook answers, then says he’s kidding when SeokJin hesitates, thinking about the night ahead. SeokJin invites JungKook home instead, hoping to keep an eye on him before he needs to save NamJoon at the gas station.

In his bedroom, SeokJin hastily takes down the map and notes pinned on the wall of the boys’ incidents around the city. After letting JungKook inside, he shows him a box of photos from their time together in school. While JungKook browses, a notification on SeokJin’s phone reminds him of Songho Foundation’s inaugural ceremony that evening. Songho Foundation is a scholarship foundation funded by his maternal grandmother’s estate, and his father formally introduces him on this occasion. SeokJin also receives a call from his father’s long-time aide, a man he refers to as Uncle JunHo, who instructs him not to be late to the ceremony. Claiming it won’t take him long, SeokJin asks JungKook to stay there and wait for him to return. He is worried about leaving JungKook alone but also concerned that bringing him to the gas station after the ceremony will make him late to intervening in NamJoon’s incident.

In the lobby of the hotel hosting the Songho Foundation Inauguration Ceremony, SeokJin recognizes many important faces from around the city: Song JunHo, his father’s aide; Seo HyunJung, the city’s deputy mayor; the CEO of Youngjin Engineering & Construction Company; a professor from Munhyeon University; and the Jeil High School principal, Jo JinMyung. SeokJin doesn’t want to cross paths with the principal but is drawn into a conversation with him, the mayor, and his father, Kim ChangJun. “Assemblyman! Congratulations on the launch of the scholarship foundation,” Deputy Mayor Seo says to Kim ChangJun. “I hear that your son has been accepted to Munhyeon University? You must be happy that he’s attending your alma mater.” Kim ChangJun shakes his head. “He still has a lot to learn.” She remarks that everyone knows how well SeokJin has grown up and inquires about his career plans. The player is presented with three choices: “I haven’t decided yet,” “I want to become a good person,” and “I want to become someone like my father.” SeokJin’s father continues to look grim while the others chuckle in response to the first two answers, but his expression softens at the third, which SeokJin knew would not rub him the wrong way. Deputy Mayor Seo proposes to Assemblyman Kim that they establish a regular meeting to discuss community development, mentioning that it would be better if he could invite the city’s prominent citizens and give a speech. Assemblyman Kim agrees, telling his assistant Song JunHo to make note of it. The ceremony concludes, and the guests head towards the hotel’s restaurant. SeokJin is wary of his father’s watchful gaze but impatient to carry out the rest of the night’s plans. While his father is surrounded by other people, he informs Uncle JunHo that he has to leave to work on a group project. SeokJin slips out of the hotel and heads to NamJoon’s gas station.

While SeokJin is gone, one of the photos in the box catches JungKook’s eye. It shows the seven boys sitting on a wall with the ocean behind them. (This photo resembles the shot in Euphoria at 5’32” except that they appear to be wearing school uniform shirts and slacks.) A flashback retells the afternoon of 12 June Year 19 when the boys cut school early and visited the sea, trudging over 3 kilometers under the scorching sun to find a boulder that is rumored to make your dreams come true. (The date is not specified in the game, but the memory closely follows this set of entries in The Notes 1.) Everyone collapses in disappointment when they can’t find the rock at its designated location. JungKook is tired but not as disappointed as the others—just walking there with them is enough for him, even though he often feels uncertain of his place among the group. He gets up on the pier railing, reflecting: “I’ve always liked walking on the edge of walls or on top of lines. Focusing on centering my gravity means that I don’t really think of anything else, and the boundary—not quite a part of either place—always felt like where I should be.” Balancing precariously, JungKook walks until someone grabs his arm. YoonGi scolds him not to do this. JungKook assures him that he will not fall but privately thinks: “YoonGi would often grab my arm when I walked on railings. The others would look after me, too, after seeing him do that. I liked their helping hands. It felt like they were telling me that I should go to them. That this wasn’t my place. Maybe their hands were why I walked on the railings.”

The story returns to the present in SeokJin’s perspective. He rushes back to his room after saving NamJoon and finds JungKook asleep, leaning against the bed with the photos still scattered around him. Feeling both relief and regret, SeokJin quietly coaxes JungKook to lay down and sleep more comfortably. JungKook wakes up and says he should go home after hearing that it’s past ten o’clock. The game cuts briefly to SeokJin’s father in his study with his aide. Kim ChangJun asks Song JunHo to fetch SeokJin, as he needs to know what goes on for the foundation. JunHo says that SeokJin must be entertaining a guest for the group project because he spotted an unfamiliar pair of shoes in the entryway.

Back in his bedroom, SeokJin is startled when his father knocks on the door. It’s rare for his father to visit the second floor of their home, so he let his guard down while chatting with JungKook. “F-Father.” Stammering, SeokJin flinches and gathers up the scattered photos. “Did you leave the ceremony early to waste time like this? Even lying to say you were doing a school project?” asks Kim ChangJun. His cold and reproachful stare suffocates SeokJin. When his father’s eyes scan to JungKook standing awkwardly at the side, SeokJin is plunged into a childhood memory. On 10 October Year 9, 9-year-old SeokJin hid a school friend who was being chased by scary men in his bedroom. His father arrived and asked if the boy was Mr. Choi’s son, saying people had come to take him. When Kim ChangJun ordered him to “be a good boy,” SeokJin froze and was powerless to stop his friend from being handed over. The following day, SeokJin was told his friend transferred schools. (This event is also depicted as the first entry of The Notes 1.) In the present, SeokJin struggles to think of an explanation, smothered by that memory and his father’s pressuring stare. JungKook timidly speaks up. “I was only here to visit for a short while. I was actually about to head home. Hey, I’ll go now.” SeokJin knows he can’t leave him alone yet and finally forces himself to move. “Father, I… I’m going to go out for a little while.” He runs outside, but JungKook is already gone.

The story cuts to JungKook’s perspective as he arrives in a familiar alleyway. He is thankful that SeokJin was so considerate to him but feels that he shouldn’t have gone to his home since it made things more complicated for his friend. “YoonGi even got expelled because of me… Why do I always mess things up for the people around me?” JungKook thinks. The player is presented the choice to either text SeokJin or call YoonGi. In the first path, SeokJin calls JungKook while he is mid-text and says that he’ll come pick him up, but JungKook declines, thanks him, and hangs up. In the second path, JungKook fiddles with his phone, wondering if YoonGi will be annoyed or even answer. He remembers when they crossed paths a few days earlier. On 7 April Year 22, JungKook heard a familiar tune while roaming the dark streets and saw YoonGi playing piano through a broken window of a music shop. YoonGi stopped and eventually staggered out of the shop without noticing JungKook reaching out to him. JungKook tried to play the music by memory, and suddenly YoonGi returned—just like their days at the classroom. (Note: In his 7 April Year 22 entry of The Notes 1, YoonGi is drunk and stumbling by an empty construction site when he recognizes a clumsy piano tune that he’d been playing “not long ago.” But when he runs to the music shop and finds JungKook, the text does not indicate that he remembers this is his second visit to the shop this evening. Additionally, the Wings short film First Love seems to reference some of the events of this night—or evokes YoonGi’s distorted memories of it, mingled with a representation of JungKook’s later accident.)

In the present (11 April), JungKook wonders if YoonGi is doing well. He has thought about him since their chance encounter but doesn’t have the courage to call him first. (The narrative paths rejoin here.) JungKook wonders where he should go now yet doesn’t want to think about anything. He stops in the middle of the road, and a passing car’s headlights make him dizzy. SeokJin arrives in the distance and shouts his name, but JungKook just thinks, “One more step from here. Just one more step, and everything ends.” He steps in front of the honking car. SeokJin calls him in the distance, and JungKook feels everything slip farther away. The glass shatters and the loop resets.

Awakening once more on the morning of 11 April, SeokJin vows to protect JungKook until the end. The memory of arriving too late as JungKook threw himself in front of the car reminds him of how he was also unable to protect his childhood friend when he was 9. He needs to devise a new plan, since JungKook practically ran out of the house when confronted by Kim ChangJun. The story cuts to that evening, with JungKook looking at the photo in SeokJin’s bedroom. This time, SeokJin ignores his phone’s buzzing reminder about Songho Foundation’s inaugural ceremony. He asks JungKook where he’d like to get next and, when he doesn’t have any ideas, offers him a tour of the university campus.

JungKook seems happier looking around the campus, the cherry blossoms in full bloom. SeokJin uses this opportunity to ask him if anything is on his mind and if school is going well. JungKook answers nonchalantly, but SeokJin remembers how grim he looked at the school crosswalk that afternoon. He asks if JungKook still hangs out with the other guys. “HoSeok and TaeHyung are working part-time jobs. The others… I’m not sure,” JungKook answers, expression darkening. SeokJin wonders if he shouldn’t have brought it up but still presses him. “How come? You should talk to them from time to time.” “But it’s because of me,” says JungKook. “The reason why YoonGi was expelled… It was because he was trying to protect me.”

SeokJin either responds “It’s not your fault” or “Don’t think that way.” Following the first choice, JungKook insists, “No, it’s my fault. YoonGi wouldn’t have talked back to the teacher if I wasn’t there.” SeokJin shakes his head. “No, you couldn’t really do anything given the situation.” JungKook replies that he should have at least apologized and that he never had the chance to tell YoonGi he was sorry. “That’s how you felt, huh… I should’ve done more. I’m sorry,” SeokJin apologizes. JungKook shakes his head with a smile, but SeokJin knows that he doesn’t understand what he really meant. (Per events in The Notes 1, it is technically SeokJin’s fault that the teacher found them in the classroom.) If the second dialogue choice, “Don’t think that way,” is chosen, JungKook questions, “How could I? When it was because of me.” “No…” SeokJin is not brave enough to say that he’s the one to blame. The camera (i.e. the animation) starts wobbling as though SeokJin’s vision is swimming. “SeokJin?” asks JungKook in concern. “I should’ve done more. I’m sorry.” The episode ends with the same dialogue and animation of JungKook shaking his head with a smile, except that in the second path the camera is still wobbling from SeokJin’s perspective. (This is the only episode I noted in the game that has a slight difference in endings based on the player’s final choice, although it is essentially cosmetic.)

Episode 5 opens with a more detailed memory of 11 June Year 20 from JungKook’s perspective. The high school was holding an open house for parents. Not wanting to stay in a classroom, he wandered off and heard piano music drifting from the annex. JungKook slipped into their classroom hideout and settled down to listen. YoonGi continued to play without acknowledging him. The music helped calm JungKook—it seemed as though YoonGi understood how he felt and was trying to console him. The sound cut off abruptly as the door slammed open. “You rascals! What are you doing here?!” the Dean of Students demanded. He slapped JungKook, knocking him down. A flurry of verbal abuse poured over his crumpled form. YoonGi shoved the teacher’s shoulder and stepped in front of JungKook. “Wow, look at this kid… You put your hands on a teacher? You better be prepared, Min YoonGi.” With that ominous threat, the Dean departed. JungKook spoke from the floor. “Hey, sorry for making you—” “It’s nothing,” YoonGi cut in. JungKook wondered why he helped him. It was the first time someone had protected him, and he believed that he would never forget the view of YoonGi’s back. YoonGi asked why JungKook was smiling. “I don’t know.” Still smiling, JungKook touched his throbbing cheek. YoonGi stared at him before breaking into his own smile and sitting down next to him. They sat there wordlessly for some time. The feeling of growing closer to YoonGi made JungKook feel giddy the rest of the day. But YoonGi did not come to school the following day, and two weeks later, he was formally expelled. (The encounter with the teacher and YoonGi’s subsequent expulsion are also referenced in JungKook and YoonGi’s 25 June Year 20 entries in The Notes 1.)

In a brief interlude in the present (11 April at the university campus), SeokJin reflects again that he does not have the courage to confess to JungKook the real reason why they drifted apart. He walks with his eyes trained on the ground until JungKook calls for him to look at the cherry blossoms floating in the wind. The scene cuts to 30 September Year 20 for another of JungKook’s school memories. He stood outside the school’s annex, reflecting that his friends probably didn’t know that he went there every day. Although school was a place he found awkward and unfamiliar, their hideout was a space for him that put him at ease. On that day however, only HoSeok was inside the classroom, gathering up the items they’d left behind. JungKook realized that the time they spent together was now a memory and would never return again. (This is also an entry in The Notes 1.) Back in the present, SeokJin notices that JungKook looks grim once more and tries to improve his mood by asking if they should go to the beach. JungKook privately wonders: “Do you think YoonGi would go? And no one knows what’s going on with JiMin. Will we really be able to go together like we did then?” Holding up his pink camera, SeokJin says they should take a picture to commemorate the evening. They’re both smiling in the photo, and he hopes that they’ll all smile together again one day. After their campus tour, SeokJin walks JungKook home, ignoring the many calls he receives from his father’s assistant JunHo.

At the crosswalk outside the high school the next day (12 April), SeokJin reflects that staying with JungKook instead of attending the inauguration ceremony seemed like a good choice. He prevented JungKook from jumping off the building and stopped NamJoon’s incident too. But SeokJin wants to keep an eye on JungKook for a few days. While he’s waiting, the principal Jo JinMyung approaches and greets him, asking what brings him to the school. SeokJin tries to excuse himself, but the principal brings up the ceremony. “I thought you’d be there, but you weren’t. Did something happen? Why weren’t you there?” Caught off guard, SeokJin either answers vaguely (“I had something important to do”) or honestly (“A friend had an emergency and I couldn’t attend”). JungKook joins them slowly during the exchange, and the principal seems a little suspicious regardless of the player’s choice. In the “honest” path, he adds, “Next time, think about what's truly important before acting.” The paths rejoin when the principal smiles pointedly and mentions that he should call the Assemblyman soon. SeokJin wonders if Jo JinMyung intends to tell his father that he was with JungKook. Kim ChangJun did not approve of the time SeokJin spent with his friends even in school. “Father thinks it’s useless to have human relationships that don’t help you succeed.” When he and JungKook are in his car, SeokJin notices that the principal ominously watches them pull away.

Later that day, SeokJin meets with his father in his office. Kim ChangJun looks exhausted. Though they’re similar heights, to his son he seems like a massive grey wall. “Why didn’t you attend the inauguration ceremony yesterday?” he asks. SeokJin either lies (“A professor asked me to do something last minute”) or answers honestly (“A friend had an emergency and I couldn’t attend”). The ultimate result is the same: Kim ChangJun speaks after a long moment of silence. “The one thing I want from you is for you to be a good son.” “Yes,” says SeokJin. “I don’t think it’s a difficult task. You may leave.” As he exits, SeokJin hears him call Song JunHo and worries that his flimsy excuse will fall apart. Running into the principal may have made matters worse too. Despite his uneasiness, SeokJin has no choice but to keep going and trust that everything will work out. While NamJoon and JungKook are safe for now, he wonders if he can be a person for JungKook to lean on for comfort whenever he needs it so that he will not resort to such an extreme decision again.

SeokJin visits JungKook after school every afternoon the following days. On 15 April, JungKook asks if it’s okay for him to come like this every day. SeokJin assures him, “Yeah. I come to see you because I want to.” He observes that JungKook still seems to take social cues from him rather than acting comfortably, so he encourages him to either pick what they do next or where they should go eat. On 19 April, however, JungKook does not appear at the school gates. SeokJin tries calling him, only to learn that the number isn’t in service. Someone shouts his name, and HoSeok emerges from the Twostar Burger across from the school. “I had heard you were back, but I didn’t think I’d see you here in front of the school.” HoSeok digs a piece of paper out of his pocket, explaining that JungKook stopped by earlier. “He said he’s switching schools.” SeokJin asks where, but HoSeok doesn’t know. This has never happened before in a loop, and SeokJin wonders if he caused it. HoSeok hands over the paper, which JungKook requested be given to SeokJin. It’s a drawing of the cherry blossom tree they saw together, with a thank you note written at the bottom. SeokJin hopes that his suspicions aren’t correct.

Hunting for clues to JungKook’s whereabouts, SeokJin visits Jeil High School’s administrative office the next day (20 April). He receives slightly more information if he acts like he knows the Director of Administration, but as the student records are confidential, the man only reveals that JungKook transferred to a boarding school. On 30 April, SeokJin is summoned to his father’s office. Kim ChangJun asks him to sit down and continues speaking with his aide, Song JunHo. He confirms an upcoming appointment with the Deputy Mayor before asking, “Oh, did you take care of that incident?” “Yes. Do you mean the one concerning the Jeil High student?” JunHo responds. “I’ve taken care of the issue with the student.” Heart racing, SeokJin realizes that his father was behind JungKook’s transfer and deliberately let it slip as a warning to him. On their way out, Uncle JunHo adds, “SeokJin. You do know how difficult it was because you didn’t attend the inauguration, right?” SeokJin promises that he’ll be at the next meeting. Back in his bedroom, he decides that he made the wrong choice in this loop. He wanted to be someone JungKook could always come to, but instead he pushed him farther away. HoSeok calls him at that moment. Voice wavering, he relays that JungKook has disappeared. Some of his classmates stopped by the restaurant that day, inquiring if anyone talks to him often.

The story cuts back to 25 April with JungKook in class at his new school. His mom likes the dormitory here, and he suspects that she feels more comfortable without him at home. School, home, the dorms—he doesn’t belong in any of those places. While pairing up the students, the teacher notices that they have an odd number now and asks JungKook where he wants to go. He closes his eyes and remembers a voice: “JungKook, let’s all go to the ocean.” He thinks, “I want to go…” The scene jumps to JungKook walking towards the ocean shore. The glass shatters.

SeokJin opens his eyes on the morning of 11 April. He wonders what caused the loop to reset and assumes something must have happened to JungKook after he transferred schools. Again, he could not keep his promise of getting them all to the ocean. The episode ends with SeokJin sitting atop the seaside observatory at sunset. (This is a key location on 22 May Year 22, recurring in The Notes and depicted in the HYYH On Stage: Prologue short film and Euphoria MV. It looks the same in the game.) SeokJin ruminates on what may have happened to JungKook and where events started going wrong. He thought he could be the person JungKook needed to lean on, but he failed. This arc concludes with him wondering: “Was my method wrong? Or is it not supposed to be me? Maybe… If the person who’s supposed to console JungKook’s scars and be there for him isn’t me… Then, who can save JungKook?”

The End of His Gaze

SeokJin’s main challenge in saving YoonGi is the unpredictability of his actions between loops. The opening of this story is no different. On 2 May Year 22, SeokJin chases YoonGi after he leaves his workroom with a heavy bag but loses sight of him in the streets. As soon as he picks the nearest motel, black smoke pours from one of its windows. (The sign matches the motel in YoonGi’s scenes of the I Need U MV.) YoonGi ignores the commotion outside the room’s locked door. Once again, SeokJin is too late, and the glass shatters, resetting the loop.

Waking in his bedroom on 11 April, SeokJin considers how YoonGi backs himself into a corner no matter how or when he tries to intervene. It’s different from the incident with NamJoon because no outside person or situation is involved. SeokJin realizes that if YoonGi’s struggle and variables that make his decision so unpredictable are within him, then the only way he can stop YoonGi is by truly understanding him. He takes out his old camcorder from high school, hoping its footage may reveal some clues. In the first video clip he plays, YoonGi is off in the corner of their classroom hideout drawing music staves but speaks up to tell HoSeok and TaeHyung not to play a prank on JiMin. SeokJin wonders if YoonGi still writes music and remembers the piano in his workroom. In the second video, TaeHyung quibbles with NamJoon, who is tired yet refuses to take a nap until YoonGi pushes some desks together and tells him to lie down. SeokJin focuses on YoonGi for the rest of the video, but he is either motionless or off camera. He finds a similar challenge within his photographs: he has less than ten solo photos of YoonGi, and though his face is visible in group pictures, he is never looking at the camera. Still perusing the photos, SeokJin overhears voices from the camcorder. “It being here is a secret. Okay?” TaeHyung whispers to YoonGi. “What’s a secret?” SeokJin in the recording asks. TaeHyung and YoonGi, standing by the piano, both whip around. TaeHyung dismisses it as nothing and shushes YoonGi when he asks, “Why are you hiding something like that?” In the present, SeokJin wonders what they hid in the classroom and decides that it’s worth investigating in case it can help him save YoonGi.

On 15 April, SeokJin visits their old classroom hideout at Jeil High School, which is still being used as a storage room. The player can choose from a total of four locations to explore, provided they select the piano last. SeokJin identifies his father’s name alongside the message “Everything started from here” on the graffitied wall (he first saw this note in his 25 June Year 19 entry from The Notes 1). Even after thoroughly examining the piano, he does not find YoonGi and TaeHyung’s secret or anything else useful. Uneasy at leaving YoonGi alone for so long, SeokJin leaves the school and parks in front of his friend’s workroom. YoonGi appears to be safely inside, so SeokJin browses through the old video files on his camcorder and finds one that continued recording after he thought he had pressed the stop button. Listening to his and YoonGi’s voices, he recalls a forgotten memory of the day they walked out of school together.

The majority of episode 3 plays through a memory of an afternoon that SeokJin and YoonGi walked out of school together (date unspecified; this event is also referenced in YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry from The Notes 2 and the similar Note accompanying Map of the Soul: 7). SeokJin receives a text summoning him to the principal’s office. The office is empty yet suffocating when he arrives. Principal Jo JinMyung arrives and apologizes for making SeokJin wait. SeokJin looks down, heart suddenly heavy. The scene cuts to YoonGi entering the storage classroom as he thinks about all the days he doesn’t feel like going home. It’s not a comfortable place for him, yet there’s nothing for him at the school either, except for the group’s hideout. He feels awkward in the oddly quiet room and puts some sheet music on the piano’s rack. But when he thinks about how no one is there requesting songs from him, he can’t bring his hands up to the keys. The flashback transitions back to SeokJin’s perspective following his meeting with the principal. As expected, the principal wanted him to report on YoonGi’s behavior. SeokJin spoke carefully so as not to tip him off about anything, but he hears internal whispers calling himself a hypocrite even when he’s laughing with his friends. Fretting over how much longer he can protect YoonGi, SeokJin runs into him at the classroom hideout’s door. He hopes YoonGi doesn’t notice how flustered he is, but YoonGi doesn’t say anything beyond confirming that he’s heading home. SeokJin tries to strike up a conversation as they walk out together, but the conversation awkwardly fizzles out whether he brings up food or the weather. YoonGi points out that his phone is buzzing, and SeokJin’s camcorder falls from his bag as he looks for it. YoonGi waves him off when SeokJin films him to test that it still works. He sheepishly lowers the camcorder and forgets to turn it off. YoonGi breaks the uncomfortable silence when they are almost across the field. “Is something up? You didn’t look very happy earlier.” Heart pounding, SeokJin tries to laugh off this sharp question with an excuse, but YoonGi stares straight at him. “You’re awkward too, SeokJin.” “What is?” “Your laugh.” YoonGi pauses before continuing, “When was the last time you genuinely laughed?”

The scene fades back to the present in SeokJin’s car (15 April). He can’t make out the rest of their conversation in the recording or remember what he answered. He wonders why YoonGi asked him that. SeokJin was always tense then, afraid that his friends would learn of his meetings with the principal. Did the others notice, too? While he’s lost in these thoughts, someone outside shouts, “Fire!” Flames erupt from YoonGi’s workroom. Realizing he should have focused on YoonGi and not the video, SeokJin runs into the building. As he tries to open the locked door, he hears the glass shatter.

The fourth episode opens on the night of 11 April with SeokJin watching JungKook and YoonGi walk away from the construction site and towards NamJoon’s container. A few days later, SeokJin spots JungKook on the sidewalk on his way to YoonGi’s workroom. When asked where he’s going, JungKook avoids his gaze and replies, “I was just… walking around.” SeokJin knows this is because he has nowhere to go. Not wanting JungKook to keep wandering and remembering that he was once close with YoonGi, SeokJin invites him along. The perspective switches to JungKook as they enter the workroom. It reeks of alcohol, and YoonGi is fast asleep among empty bottles. “YoonGi… will be okay, right?” he asks. SeokJin picks up the bottles without responding. A memory from their school days occurs to JungKook. TaeHyung chased him around their classroom hideout, trying to snatch his sketchbook and succeeding when JungKook found his escape unintentionally blocked by YoonGi standing in the doorway. JungKook was dismayed when YoonGi called TaeHyung over to the piano so they could look at it together, but then YoonGi deceived TaeHyung and threw the sketchbook to JungKook. In the present, SeokJin doesn’t want to waste time while YoonGi sleeps. He taps a lost-in-thought JungKook on the shoulder and says they should leave, but JungKook responds that he will stay until YoonGi wakes.

Back again at the classroom hideout, SeokJin hunts further around the piano. He uses an old mop handle to fish out a piece of paper from underneath it. The hidden secret turns out to be TaeHyung’s abysmal math test. Dejected, SeokJin slumps to the floor. On this level, he notices a small handle on the piano’s lower panel and uses it to pop off the cover. Faded music sheets are wedged into the piano’s frame. A phrase on one of them catches SeokJin’s eye. (함께 라면 웃을 수 있다 : The Korean is not translated in game, but Google translates it as “if we are together, we can laugh.” This recurring phrase is instead translated as “we can laugh when we’re together” in The Notes 2. In YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry, he also reflects on finding the note written in the margins of the music scores he took from the classroom. The handwriting isn’t his own. Additionally, a similar sentiment is expressed in a line of You Never Walk Alone, which is the basis for one of the BU-inspired Graphic Lyrics books.)

This message reminds SeokJin of YoonGi’s question: “When was the last time you genuinely laughed?” “This moment is the answer to that question,” he thinks, initiating a flashback to 20 March Year 19. The boys gathered around HoSeok in the classroom, chattering excitedly about the new club he’s leading. TaeHyung jokingly called him “Mr. President.” HoSeok told him only members could call him that before asking YoonGi if he wanted to join. “I’ll allow you to join without an audition, but only you.” TaeHyung exclaimed that he was just trying to get YoonGi to call him president. “Oh, it was obvious?” HoSeok chuckled. “Acting up again, huh?” YoonGi spoke up from the corner. The memory fades, returning to a pensieve SeokJin. He clearly remembers YoonGi’s face as he laughed with the others. “When did we stop laughing? Did it start that day, when I ruined everything?” SeokJin wonders. “It’s my fault,” he says aloud, standing there with the sheet music in hand until the sun begins to set. (Note: the date of the memory may be a typo. On 20 March Year 20 in The Notes 1, TaeHyung overheard SeokJin in the classroom informing the principal of the trouble he and YoonGi had gotten into. SeokJin realized that NamJoon heard it but not TaeHyung, who remained hidden out of sight and then pretended not to know. It’s not impossible that this memory really occurred in March Year 19, but most of them had only met at the beginning of that month.)

On the night of 15 April, SeokJin follows YoonGi at a distance from his workroom to an alleyway bar. (It is possible but not entirely clear that this is the same day SeokJin found the sheet music at the classroom, which is why I did not specify the date earlier.) It appears that YoonGi visits this bar often since the owner asks him if he has money today. SeokJin sits at a table behind YoonGi and watches him knock back shot after shot. Deciding that he shouldn’t leave him alone any longer, SeokJin musters up the courage to join him. YoonGi doesn’t look surprised to see him. He smiles before looking down again. SeokJin attempts a natural conversation to catch up. YoonGi asks why he didn’t come along the night when everyone got together at NamJoon’s container. “It’s been awhile since we’ve all seen each other, and JungKook… Never mind. You were probably busy.” SeokJin apologizes and inquires how JungKook is doing, then turns the same question on YoonGi when he replies that he doesn’t know. “Anything new with you?” SeokJin presses when YoonGi avoids his gaze. “Well, as you can see.” YoonGi dodges a direct answer.

The restaurant owner brings them a second glass. They are quiet in a restaurant full of chatter. SeokJin brings up the past to break the awkward silence, asking if YoonGi remembers the day they walked out of high school together. “Why do you ask?” says YoonGi. SeokJin explains that he remembered what YoonGi said to him that afternoon. “I want to ask you the same thing you asked me then.” SeokJin is nervous but continues, not wanting to waste this opportunity. “When was the last time you genuinely laughed?” YoonGi is silent for a moment. “Who knows.” SeokJin encourages him to think about it. “What good is it whether I remember or not? It wouldn’t change things now, even if I remembered.” YoonGi’s refusal to express his feelings upsets SeokJin more than his indifferent tone. “I just wish he would open up to me so I could figure out… anything. If only I could tell him,” SeokJin thinks. His internal narration continues over a shot of him in high school looking at his phone: “Or maybe… If I went back further in time, mustering up the courage to protect my friends, and prevented YoonGi from being expelled. If I did, maybe now we’d be…” “What’s with that expression?” YoonGi’s voice snaps him into the present, and he stares at SeokJin the way he had when they walked home from school. “Nothing, just… I feel like it’s been a while since I last saw you and I’m wasting time with useless subjects. It’s nothing—” SeokJin tries to laugh it off, but YoonGi interrupts. “You’re the same as always… There’s something there in your expression, but you say that it’s nothing.” This remark hits hard, rendering SeokJin speechless.

YoonGi’s words echo in SeokJin’s head even after he arrives home later that night. How did YoonGi notice what SeokJin thought he kept well-hidden? He once viewed YoonGi as someone who was indifferent to the world and trying to distance himself from everything. It dawns on SeokJin that he is mistaken. He opens his camcorder, hoping to see something new with this changed perspective. A recording plays in which he, YoonGi, and JungKook are the only ones present in the classroom hideout. When YoonGi starts playing piano, JungKook gets up from the desk and carefully stands by him. YoonGi doesn’t seem bothered and continues to play. Suddenly, he stops. “You wanna try?” In the present, SeokJin wonders why he asks JungKook that out of the blue and replays the footage, feeling like he missed something. This time, he notices that JungKook begins chewing his nails before YoonGi asks him. “Can I?” says JungKook. “Why not? It’s not my piano or anything. You can play if you want to.” At YoonGi’s words, the color returns to JungKook’s face and his hands drop from his mouth. SeokJin watches a little more of the video. As the recorded YoonGi patiently corrects JungKook’s wrong notes, he realizes that YoonGi doesn’t merely ask JungKook to play on a whim but out of respect for him.

SeokJin turns his attention to his box of photos. The player can choose up to three to examine. SeokJin realizes that YoonGi is a little further behind the group and not looking at the camera not because he feels left out or is avoiding attention, but because he is always watching how they are all together. YoonGi knows us very well, he thinks. He stopped JungKook from biting his nails by asking him to play the piano rather than acknowledging it directly. He saw through SeokJin and recognized when his laughter wasn’t genuine, even after several years apart. SeokJin thought that YoonGi wanted to give up everything, would never open up to anyone, and experienced feelings that were impossible for him to understand. “But if we were the ones to make YoonGi laugh… It may be possible to save YoonGi,” SeokJin reflects. With more determination, he vows to save him. “I’ll save him no matter what, because we can laugh when we’re together.”

SeokJin visits YoonGi every day after their meeting at the bar, responding that he’s making time to see him when asked if all university students have this much free time. They grow more accustomed to each other’s company, but SeokJin’s glimmer of hope fades as alcohol and aimless wandering continues to fill YoonGi’s life. Since just visiting YoonGi’s workroom seems meaningless, on 24 April SeokJin decides to show him the sheet music he found in the hideout, hoping it will encourage him to resume songwriting. Upon seeing the music, YoonGi has a flashback to 25 June Year 20, the day he received the school expulsion notice. He ran immediately to the classroom and played the piano as though possessed. The anger refused to settle. He shoved all of his sheet music into the piano and vowed to never play the piano again. In the present, YoonGi asks, “Where’d you find this?” At his cold expression, SeokJin wonders what he’s done wrong and explains aloud that he just happened to find it in the hideout’s piano. The papers fall from YoonGi’s hand, scattering across the floor. “Leave,” he spits. “What? Min YoonGi, what’s going on?” SeokJin asks. YoonGi shoves him. “Just leave.” “Don’t do this, let’s talk for a moment,” SeokJin tries again. But YoonGi replies, “I have nothing to say to you.”

YoonGi avoids him after that. On 25 April, SeokJin calls him numerous times without any answer and finds only torn sheet music and empty bottles in his workroom. He remembers YoonGi’s last words to him and says aloud, “It can’t be. No way.” An ominous thought crosses his mind, but he forces it out to focus on recalling something from memory. The story cuts to him running down a street, trying to figure out where YoonGi went to set the fire in the last loop. (It is never clarified what SeokJin’s “ominous thought” is—it may refer to YoonGi setting a fire or possibly even a suspicion that YoonGi figured out SeokJin was involved in his expulsion.) SeokJin finds the same motel (the one with the sign like in the I Need U MV) and rushes upstairs in a cold sweat. Faced with a hallway of identical doors, he doesn’t know how to locate YoonGi’s room. Whether the player chooses for him to call out to YoonGi or “think of something else” (which results in him pulling the fire alarm), the result is ultimately the same. SeokJin forces open the last closed door with a fire extinguisher, but the room is empty. Filled with regret, SeokJin wonders what he has done wrong. “Like an idiot, I… I knew that the location and method of YoonGi’s attempt could change, and yet…”

“Fire!” someone yells. The motel across the street erupts in flames. “No! Please…” SeokJin begs, falling to his knees. “How can I stop this tragedy? … Am I not enough to stop it?” The story ends as he hears the glass shatter once again.

Additional Thoughts

For me, JungKook’s arc really draws back the curtain on SeokJin’s private life. It demonstrates SeokJin’s challenge to balance saving his friends and maintaining his own daily life, particularly fulfilling the duties that fall to him as a prominent assemblyman’s son. We see little of this side of him until The Notes 2, when his perspective has already drastically changed.

JungKook’s reflection about his habit of walking along the edges of walls is an interesting moment of self-awareness. This “tightrope-walking” is depicted frequently in the MVs.

The car accident and loop reset at the beginning of JungKook’s 4th episode suggests the possibility that the I Need U MV depicts JungKook deliberately stepping in front of the oncoming car rather than accidentally. (Maybe people have already interpreted it this way, but personally the thought had never occured to me due to how it’s shot and acted.) The car accident is a recurring theme in the loops for JungKook, particularly as he is struck the night of 22 May and comes to believe that it was SeokJin who hit him.

This internal dialogue of SeokJin’s from YoonGi’s arc gives me a lot to think about: “If I went back further in time, mustering up the courage to protect my friends, and prevented YoonGi from being expelled. If I did, maybe now we’d be…” SeokJin’s first experiences of the time loops are depicted in the Save Me Webtoon. At that time, he believes that 11 April is the date that he can begin fixing things, but it’s not clear if this ability granted by the cat-like creature truly gives him control over to which date the loop resets. (It is more obvious that he cannot control what triggers the reset itself.) Does he ever go back earlier? Only *ahem* time will tell, but if you want some more food for thought, please check out these interesting quotes that occur before 11 April Year 22.

As mentioned above, the following “tl;dr” commentary summarizes the parenthetical notes I provided in the summaries in case you want to review them on their own.

The Boy on the Threshold — tl;dr commentary

SeokJin’s flashback to 3 March Year 19, when all seven boys arrived late on the first day at Songju Jeil High School and were scolded outside by the Dean, looks very similar to the BTS Begins Middle Scene VCR (aside from the absence of extra students), including the detail of YoonGi arriving last. This VCR predates official BU content.

The photo in SeokJin’s collection that catches JungKook’s eye resembles the shot in the Euphoria MV at 5’32” (the seven boys sitting on a wall with the ocean behind them) except that they appear to be wearing school uniform shirts and slacks.

JungKook’s flashback to the night of 7 April Year 22 expands the context of his reunion with YoonGi, adding that he is drawn to the music shop by a familiar tune and through its broken window sees YoonGi playing piano. YoonGi doesn’t notice him when he staggers outside, and JungKook tries to play the music by memory. In his 7 April Year 22 entry of The Notes 1, YoonGi is drunk and stumbling by an empty construction site when he recognizes a clumsy piano tune that he’d been playing “not long ago.” But when he runs to the music shop and finds JungKook, the text does not indicate that he remembers this is his second visit to the shop this evening. Additionally, the Wings short film First Love seems to reference some of the events of this night—or evokes YoonGi’s distorted memories of it, mingled with a representation of JungKook’s later accident.

I mentioned in part 1’s introduction that every episode’s ending is identical regardless of the decisions made by the player, but the end of episode 4 is actually cosmetically different (a wobbling camera/animation effect) if the second path is selected for the last choice. The dialogue is the same.

The end of episode 7 depicts the seaside observatory. This is a key location on 22 May Year 22, recurring in The Notes and depicted in the HYYH On Stage: Prologue short film and Euphoria MV. It looks the same in the game.

The End of His Gaze — tl;dr commentary

The motel sign at the beginning and end of the story matches the one visible in YoonGi’s shots of the I Need U MV.

When searching the classroom hideout for clues on 15 April, SeokJin identifies his father's name alongside the message “Everything started from here” on the graffitied wall. He first saw this note in his 25 June Year 19 entry from The Notes 1.

Episode 3 presents a memory from both SeokJin’s and YoonGi’s perspectives of the afternoon that they walked out of school together. Although the date is unspecified, this event is also referenced in YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry from The Notes 2 and the similar Note accompanying Map of the Soul: 7.

On his second attempt at searching the classroom, SeokJin finds sheet music that was hidden inside the piano. A phrase written in the corner of one paper catches his eye: 함께 라면 웃을 수 있다. The Korean is not translated in game, but Google translates it as “if we are together, we can laugh.” This recurring phrase is instead translated as “we can laugh when we’re together” in The Notes 2. In YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry, he also reflects on finding the note written in the margins of the music scores he took from the classroom. The handwriting isn’t his own. Additionally, a similar sentiment is expressed in a line of You Never Walk Alone, which is the basis for one of the BU-inspired Graphic Lyrics books.

SeokJin has a flashback of 20 March Year 19 in which the boys are excitedly chattering about HoSeok’s new club. However, given the larger context of this moment (both in the past and what prompts it in the present), the date of the memory may be a typo. On 20 March Year 20 in The Notes 1, TaeHyung overheard SeokJin in the classroom informing the principal of the trouble he and YoonGi had gotten into. SeokJin realized that NamJoon heard it but not TaeHyung, who remained hidden out of sight and then pretended not to know. It’s not impossible that this memory really occurred in March Year 19, but most of them had only met at the beginning of that month.

Did you learn anything new from these stories that I did not specifically mention? Let me know in the replies or tags! Please stay tuned for part 3, featuring JiMin and HoSeok’s stories.

#armiesnet #bangtanarmynet #networkbangtan #armysource #dailybangtan #bts universe #hyyh #bangtan universe #bts universe story #bts universe story highlights #seokjin #jungkook #yoongi #jinkook #yoonkook #yoonjin #bts theories

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cotncandyboifics · 4 years ago

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1989 [High School AU]: Chapter 6

AO3 Link

Masterpost

Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ Chapter 7 ~ Chapter 8 ~ Chapter 9 ~

Pairings: slight Logince, eventual Prinxiety & Logicality

Word count: 1,987

Story summary: Roman Prince is your stereotypical Jock, with everyone swooning after him. Every day a crowd of people follow him around, only to disperse at his personal whim. In reality, he's lucky to have such good acting skills that help him cover up the disdain he has for his life. He only wishes he could use his skills properly.

Patton Whitelock's always there to lend a helping hand, no matter who you are. If you need a favor or just need someone to talk to, go to him. In reality, he's been taught from a young age that kindness should be held above all else. No one suspects that he took it the wrong way.

Logan Montgomery is the smartest boy in the Senior class. He's stern, and most people are too intimidated to speak to him. In reality, he despises most all of his fellow students. He sticks to his studies and doesn't stray, for fear of being stuck in his father's shadow his whole life.

Virgil Black is the most emo kid in school, let alone 12th grade; everyone knows to leave him be. In reality, he's very fortunate. He has two parents who love him dearly. But everything beyond his life, everything within his mind, is utter chaos and turmoil.

what will happen when they're assigned a biology project together?

General CW: food, swearing, implied s-lf h-rm, non-graphic descriptions of s-lf h-rm scars, graphic and non-graphic descriptions of anxiety attacks and panic attacks, drug abuse, minor character intoxicated on heroin, non-graphic drug overdose description, sickness/description of sickness, blood, non-graphic descriptions of needles, (will be added to as I write more)

Chapter CW: food, (let me know if i missed anything please!)

Author notes: I hated writing this chapter because I love Logince and I'm intentionally writing this story so that Logince doesn't work and I just- my heart and my creativity have a conflict of interests here :')

...

Roman was left alone in his room, staring at the door where Virgil had slipped out silently a few minutes ago. He'd turned off his music, and was sitting up, staring, thinking.

What was even the point of asking Logan out? I didn't have any interest in him before, he was just a nerd who i never bothered, and he never bothered me... perhaps for the challenge? when I saw him in class today something just sparked, and i felt the need to pursue him. I didn't think he'd entertain it, especially so quickly. And what of Virgil?

What of Virgil?

Roman shook his head and stood, leaving his room to see what his parents were doing, and if he could help with dinner. He needed a distraction, and he knew homework wasn't going to do it.

...

The next few days at school were strange, to say the least.

Patton was the same, as far as the others could see. He tried figuring out some of the routes Logan took to different classes, just a few so as not to seem suspicious, but Roman was more often than not already there and bombarding Logan with his charms. Patton still caught him alone sometimes though, and did his best to make conversation about little things, just wanting to get to know Logan. They had an engaging conversation about Logan's surprisingly extensive knowledge about drug abuse, and Patton was thankful for the bits of advice he could get. They'd also run through proper methods for caring for various species of turtles.

Logan continued to hound himself about why he had accepted Roman's courting after such a short time knowing him, let alone that they were very... different people, to say the least. He'd told his father that one of his friends had requested an outing to a cafe to study for an upcoming calculus quiz. His father was reluctant but upon Logan's presentation of evidence of such atmospheres increasing the effectiveness of studying and concentration, his father granted him permission to go. Logan knew his father would never permit any,, frivolous activities, when Logan had so much academic potential. And Logan made himself feel the same way, acquiring knowledge and more importantly incredible accolades was all that mattered until he was out of school. And yet, here he was, about to go on a date behind his parents' back with a jock, very stereotypical of a teen and yet very atypical for him. He couldn't explain to himself why he'd allowed himself to get into this situation, but it wasn't causing any immediate problems, so he decided to try and let the topic rest.

Virgil was acting stranger than ever, at least from Roman's perspective. He seemed even more cold and distant, except on occasion he'd strike up a conversation. Sometimes they got rather lively, debating about which were the best Disney movies, even if they had very... differing perspectives on what messages they portrayed. Roman was baffled, Because he didn't think someone who was previously unconcerned with Roman for the most part could become so black-and-white, switching between completely ignoring and/or glaring at him, and coming into a room and immediately proposing a topic of conversation.

Roman had his hands full with courting his new love interest, and trying to figure out what was going on with Virgil. Virgil himself was very conflicted. Any time he saw Roman, his feelings became intense and he never knew how to act.

The group's dynamic had shifted accordingly whenever they were in class together. In Biology, Logan was usually hard at work on their report, Patton doing his best to help. Roman often attempting to fluster Logan in any possible way he could, and Virgil, ever unpredictable.

...

Finally Thursday came, and Roman got into his mustang to pick up his date. He drove quietly up to a large white house, with a very systematic garden laid out in the front. He got out and leaned against the closed passenger door, and messaged Logan, letting him know he was there to pick him up.

Logan had hoped Roman would have the sense to pick him up around the block, but upon exiting his house and seeing him directly in front of the house leaning against his red mustang with a single red rose in his hand, Logan brought his hand to the bridge of his nose and massaged it, trying to keep from getting aggravated before their date even began. He walked over slowly, trying to keep an open mind instead of letting his logical self shut everything about Roman's love language down.

Roman had to keep himself from staring. Logan was dressed... well, typically his own style, but... he had gelled his hair back so it became one big dark tuft instead of it's usual gentle messiness, and he had on a silk navy button up and a black bowtie instead of his trademark necktie. He had on Black corduroy pants that accentuated his slender legs, and white and blue converse that complemented his shirt and pale skin. Roman was impressed at the attention to detail yet the simplicity of his date's outfit, and was indeed that much more attracted to him.

"Well hello there," Roman said as Logan neared, looking him up and down, "don't you look ravishing."

Logan's cheeks glazed a bit. "As do you," was all he could think to reply. Roman had on a dark red v neck and a black and gold baseball jacket, dark grey ripped skinny jeans with a silver chain, and red checkered vans. Logan realized he'd let his eyes linger on Roman's exposed collarbone a moment too long. God, why am i acting like this?

Roman just smirked and stood aside, opening the passenger door he'd been leaning on and making way for Logan. Logan sat, his knees nearly touching the dash. Roman got on one knee and dramatically presented Logan with the flower. Logan smiled gently and took it, examining it. Roman shut the door and made his way around to the driver's side and got in.

"Will you relay the whereabouts of our destination or will it remain a mystery to me?" Logan asked as Roman opened his door, not looking up from the flower.

Roman smiled with a glint in his eyes. "Well it would be no fun if i were to spoil the surprise, now would it?" He put the key in the ignition and started the car, and the engine hummed smoothly to life. "Completely unrelated to said surprise, but have you had dinner?" Roman rolled down his window and rested his forearm on it.

"Yes, unfortunately I follow a strict meal plan." He adjusted his glasses.

"Well, i wont question that, but that works for me." Roman left it at that and pulled out his phone.

"Would you happen to have a music preference?" Roman asked as Logan smelled the rose, and finally set it down in his lap.

After a moment of thought, Logan replied, "Well I suppose not. I don't listen to much music other than classical on occasion, and at this point i find it rather..."

"Boring?" Roman mused.

"Insufferable," Logan smiled.

"Alright, I'll enlighten you to something other than Beethoven and Bach," Roman reached for the aux chord, plugged his phone into it, and picked a particular song he felt was... fitting for the moment. The song intro began, and Roman pulled the e-break down and shifted into first gear, pulling out onto the road.

he said "let's get out of this town,

Drive out of the city, away from the crowds..."

I thought "heaven can't help me now,"

Nothing lasts forever...

Logan watched things pass on the road, absentmindedly tapping his ankle to the beat. He didn't recognize the area of town they were heading to, but he didn't expect Roman to kidnap him or anything, so he just observed.

But this is gonna take me down

He's so tall, and handsome as hell

He's so bad, but he does it so well.

I can see the end as it begins

My one condition is

Logan looked straight ahead at the road now, wondering if Roman had selected this specific song for any reason.

Say youll remember me,

Standing in a nice dress

Staring at the sunset babe

Red lips and rosy cheeks

Say you'll see me again

Even if it's just in your

Wildest dreams, ah, hah...

They were driving up a hill now, and the road was getting steeper. Logan was beginning to wonder if he should have just rejected Roman from the beginning.

Roman sensed his unease, and turned the music down so that it was just background noise. "I promise I'm not about to murder you in the woods," he said with a small laugh, "There's just a nice spot up here to... observe," he assured vaguely, glancing at Logan.

He nodded with a small smile from the passenger seat, returning to looking around as they passed sloping driveways and mossy-trunked trees.

Just moments later, they emerged into something of a clearing, with a cul-de-sac and a large meadow. There were clusters of small flowers and clovers all over, and the trees cleared perfectly to display the sun was crawling toward the horizon.

They parked and Logan got out, and turned to realize Roman was still in the car, seemingly reaching behind his seat awkwardly and rummaging around. He emerged with a plastic bag and a rolled up plaid blanket. Roman locked the car and led them to the meadow, where he dramatically unrolled the blanket and laid it out, after ruffling it in the wind. Logan sat cross-legged facing what would soon become the sunset, the bottom of the sun's visible sphere nearly dipping itself below the horizon.

Roman sat as well, beginning to dig through the mystery bag, Logan now paying him attention. Roman pulled out two large paper cups, with plastic tops and straws in them. He handed Logan one of the cups, and Logan began inspecting it. It appeared to be a milkshake, likely chocolate flavored due to the brown hue... It looked rather delightful. Logan took a sip and was not disappointed; he'd never actually had a milkshake, at least not since he was very young, so he had to attempt to hide his enjoyment.

"That is quite tasteful," He looked back to Roman, who was tasting his own milkshake.

"Yeah, you struck me as a chocolate type," he leaned back on one hand. "Hope you like the view. I thought it would be nice as a first date to watch the sunset and talk."

Logan gazed out at the sky that faded from blue to purple to red to orange and a bit of yellow, clouds peppered around and absorbing the hues. He certainly did appreciate the view.

"Alright, let's talk then."

...

A few hours later, it had gotten dark and stars were spattered across the sky. Logan was laying with his hands behind his head, watching the sky, and Roman was laid next to him, leaning up on his side and watching Logan's eyes. They'd talked about anything, from childhood memories to opinions and briefly about their home lives. Roman felt very... usual. Everything was going perfectly, and he could feel that fact slamming against his chest. Do I actually like him or is this all just a game to me? Am i being fake, or completely real?

Soon Logan checked his wristwatch and informed Roman it was time he be heading home. They stood, and Logan shivered as Roman collected the blanket. He sighed upon seeing Logan's arms loosely held around himself, trying to keep warm.

Roman rustled his baseball jacket off and draped it over Logan's shoulders.

They made their way back to the car, and as Roman drove them, all Logan could do was lean his head on the window and stare up at the hazy white moon.

Roman dropped him off, walking him up to his door. Logan thanked him for the evening, and tried to return Roman's jacket, but Roman insisted he hold onto it. They shared a small kiss on the doorstep, and bid each other goodnight. Roman drove off into the night, pondering heavily.

#ts logan #logan sanders #virgil sanders #ts virgil #ts roman #roman sanders #patton sanders #ts patton #sanders sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #high school au #slow burn #prinxiety #logicality #patton x logan #roman x virgil

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atinytokki · 5 years ago

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H O R I Z O N

Chapter 4: Launch Sequence

Mingi is already half awake when a shadow moves across his vision. The first night in a new place is always difficult, full of turning restlessly back and forth and missing his own bed pod and the neighbouring snores of his parents. Not that Jongho is a bad roommate, he’s just a bit standoffish and intimidating and currently tiptoeing out the door.

Currently tiptoeing out the door?

Mingi nearly catapults himself out of bed from the shock before deciding to take the tactical approach and follow covertly.

Jongho creeps down the hall and takes the stairs instead of calling the elevator, Mingi following behind at just the right distance that he can’t spot him or hear his footsteps. What his roommate is even doing sneaking out is beyond him. He checks his wristband for the time as he gets on the tram in the car behind Jongho’s and it’s just after 4 A.M. Too early for all this spy business.

As the lab buildings come into view, Mingi begins to realise what’s going on here. Jongho’s trying to break into the restricted facilities.

Even as he gets off after him, he’s baffled that this is how his first night as a Horizon team member is going.

“Hey!” He whisper-yells, catching up with Jongho. The younger boy turns where he was hanging back to avoid cameras and gives Mingi an annoyed look. “Why are you following me?”

“Why are you trying to break into the archives?” Mingi counters, crossing his arms and trying to replicate that you’re-in-big-trouble-young-man look his mother does occasionally. “Are you trying to get kicked out?”

“I am trying to get answers,” Jongho responds, and from the look in his eyes he’s completely serious. This is no joke. “The Project was just a means to an end. I’m here to find out what happened to my grandmother.”

Mingi furrows his brow. “Who was she? You think IPF archives can tell you?”

From Jongho’s panicked expression, Mingi realises he must have forgotten to whisper. “She was a very famous diplomat on one of the first Horizon Projects,” he answers, moving closer. “And if you’re going to help, I suggest you lower your voice.”

“Who says I’m going to help?” Mingi scoffs, still quiet compared to before because, however skeptical he is about all this, he doesn’t really want Jongho to get arrested. “How are you even planning on getting in there anyway?”

“I was thinking on my feet,” Jongho admits. “Mostly I just came here to scout out the security.”

“At least they don’t have guards,” Mingi begins to laugh before hearing footsteps and grabbing Jongho, yanking him into an alcove and eyeing the tram tube. Another one should be here soon, right?

“Okay, they do have guards,” Jongho huffs. “So you can make a distraction and then I can—”

“No, hang on,” Mingi objects, resisting the urge to raise his voice at his roommate’s presumption. “I’m not helping you!”

“Then what do you propose we do?” Jongho deadpans.

“Go back to the dorm and back to sleep,” Mingi whispers, pausing when Jongho goes to roll his eyes. “And you can come back later if you absolutely must. I won’t say anything.”

Jongho stares at him for a moment, eyes reflecting the artificial glint of the rings lighting the tunnel that connects the trams to the archives, and finally nods. “I can’t promise I’ll go back to sleep, though.”

“You know, it’s only fair if you tell me who she was,” Mingi says quietly on the ride back, when Jongho’s focus on the silently sleeping buildings wanes and his eyes become clouded over from a lost train of thought. “I’ve studied all the old astronauts, especially the diplomacy missions. Your grandmother was probably one of my heroes.”

“Choi Jieun,” Jongho says after a moment. The faint hiss of the air pressure lock engaging each time the tram opens its doors at a stop punctuates the silence. “And she was the diplomat aboard IPF’s fourth Horizon Project.”

Mingi gapes at him. “Choi Jieun? The xenologist who cracked the code of not one but two separate native languages on the planet Biso?”

“Yes, that Choi Jieun,” Jongho sighs as they step off the tram together and make their way into the dormitory. “Except that after she returned from that mission, she went to the Citadel and was never heard from again.”

Mingi freezes where his finger was hovering over the call button for the elevator and looks at his roommate wide-eyed. “She didn’t die on a mission?”

Jongho shakes his head and the doors slide open. “They would have held a funeral like they always do for officials killed in action.” The elevator stops at their floor and the two step out, deep in conversation with their voices naturally hushed as they return to their room.

“And what’s more is that I found out the Citadel’s construction completion date, and it’s only a year before she went missing. So, I’ve actually constructed a timeline of her life through other sources since I never knew her personally.”

“Can I see it?” Mingi asks, a slow smile spreading on his face because this whole thing smells like adventure and he absolutely wants in on it.

Jongho stares back, sizing him up and evidently finding him trustworthy before tapping around on his wristband until a holographic display blows up and fills the room. Mingi claps excitedly and joins him on his bed to look at it from the same angle.

“So, here she’s born, here she meets my grandfather in school, here she joins the project, here is her training period and liftoff, here are the known dates of her early missions…” he points them out as the dots in time grow increasingly close to one another. “These are the early missions to Biso, the third one was her extended stay when she deciphered the languages. Then she comes back to Earth and gets married. She stays for a couple of years and gives birth to my dad, then she goes back to work where it appears to have been relatively peaceful for a year or two. Here is the day the Citadel was unveiled.”

The dot he points to is almost at the end of the timeline. “This is the date of her last mission assignment and here is the date when the rest of her team was reported to have returned. And I managed to get this footage of when they were next seen on the news-- without her.”

The dates are quite far apart. Mingi tries to think of a good lead from the information presented.

“Do you think her teammates would be able to tell you anything about what happened?” He tries, knowing full well that if this has been a lifelong investigation for Jongho, he will already have exhausted it.

“None of them returned to Earth after this,” Jongho sighs, letting the clip play through and watching the Horizon team wave cheerfully at the cameras. They certainly don’t look like they’ve just lost a member, but Mingi supposes they were used to smiling for the press by that point. “This team, the one that was formed her year, was the first to live out the rest of their lives on the Citadel. And all the teams followed after, effectively making it impossible to interview anyone without a secure phone call. And you know IPF monitors those.”

“But why not hold a funeral? Why not celebrate her the way Horizon teams are supposed to be celebrated?” Mingi muses. It’s the part he doesn’t get. That something would go wrong and an astronaut would be killed wasn’t a stretch of the imagination, but that everyone would act like she never existed the moment something went wrong-- it’s against everything Mingi knows about the IPF.

Jongho shrugs helplessly. He’s considered it, too, and the answer escapes him. “Eventually after being turned away enough times, Grandfather stopped asking. ‘She disappeared.’ That’s all he says about it.”

Mingi purses his lips and gives a sympathetic smile. It’s probably a lot harder that way than if she had died on a mission to Biso or somewhere else. There’s no opportunity for closure, just a constantly open book turned to a blank page with only one word written. Maybe.

“Soojin might be able to help you,” he suggests after the display has been switched off and they’re both lying in their beds staring at the screws in the metal ceiling, unable to find sleep. Jongho is quiet for just long enough that Mingi assumes he must have gone to sleep after all when he whispers faintly, “I’m not sure if I trust her yet. I’m not really sure if I trust anyone.”

Mingi tries to pretend he didn’t hear it. He can’t blame Jongho anyway, when everyone walks around acting like your grandmother never existed and your entire life must feel like a lie, it must be difficult to trust even yourself.

Mingi tries not to take it personally, at least. Besides, he and Yunho passed, they’re going to stay together for the rest of their lives, and a new chapter begins in the morning.

___

Breakfast is an unceremonious, rushed affair. The cafeteria is sparsely populated, and the team doesn’t have time to really introduce themselves to anyone else before their first class meeting, which is fine with Jongho.

He ignores the girls from Team REV waving at him and pays attention to his food. It tastes quite good by his standards but his standards aren’t very high, so he watches his roommate Mingi to see how it suits his more middle class tastes.

Unfortunately there isn’t enough of a reaction to go by, considering the fact that Mingi’s mouth is a nondiscriminatory vacuum and he probably wouldn’t notice if he was putting moldy kimchi in it.

In fact, the entire table looks too tired to care what exactly they’re eating. Must have been a rough first night.

Both potential leaders seem exhausted and sit at opposite ends of the table. It’s unlikely that they’ll actually be able to avoid each other considering that they’re roommates, but Jongho doesn’t really care which one wins. As long as they don’t interfere with him.

San has once again claimed a neighbouring seat and messes with his hair while pushing the food around his plate. He looks marginally more relaxed than the last time Jongho saw him, but it’s apparent he’s being careful not to eat too much in the event that he loses it again.

The purple-haired Wooyoung is in a light conversation with the young technician Youngseok but only appears to be half-listening, his eyes wandering around the room at the other teams scattered throughout.

Their medic Yeosang sits next to him, pale and stiff again, and if Jongho thought Wooyoung was distracted, Yeosang is full on zoned out. Maybe he’s thinking about the training ahead, maybe he’s thinking about the millionaire lifestyle he left behind. It’s none of Jongho’s concern.

On the other side of the table Yunho and Mingi have already cleared their plates and are laughing about something. It didn’t take long to figure out that they were childhood friends, and any inclination Jongho had of trusting Mingi has dissipated on seeing him whisper something into Yunho’s ear. He can only hope it’s about the girls staring at them and not the adventure last night.

Lastly, the other technician Junyoung sits tapping on his wristband with one hand and absentmindedly shovelling food with the other. “Hey, did you guys realise you can view your test answers?” He points out the text on his holoscreen and Jongho is tempted to take a look at his own scores. It’s still a mystery to him how he got in.

Before he can pull up the display, an alarm appears for each of them, reminding them of their class in five minutes and sending the team hurrying out and onto the tram to get to their classroom in time. Today may just be protocol introduction but being late on the first day is never a good move.

Class is hardly an upgrade from the usual educational procedures every student in Korea is familiar with. They find their seats, sit quietly and take notes, and Soojin lectures them on the outline for the rest of their training period. The first hour is full of exciting news and promises about all the cool weapons they’ll be trained with and all the intense simulations they’ll be exposed to, and when Soojin launches into the history of the IPF, half the class promptly tunes out.

“Nothing we haven’t heard before, huh?” Wooyoung leans over and whispers with a cheeky grin. Jongho simply shrugs in response, because there’s not much else to say on the subject. “Don’t you think it’s ironic, though?” the engineer points out more seriously. “The Horizon Project is touted as this elite squad with special training, and here we are doing the same routine as everyone else.”

He leans back over into his own space at a withering glare from Soojin, but Jongho smiles softly at his pragmatism. Soojin addresses the class with a question to engage their wandering attentions. “Can anyone tell me about the founder of the IPF?”

Mingi’s hand shoots into the air and Jongho isn’t surprised that he’s among the half that was actually invested in the lesson. “Mr. Kim Woomin,” he answers enthusiastically when called upon.

“Mr. Kim was already an overseer of space expeditions at the time, and it was his suggestion to create an organisation of government officials from unified countries across the world that would act as a funding entity and representative of the Earth’s interests in interplanetary relations. His achievement led to the advancement of space travel technology and the discovery of multiple alien species. Kim Woomin was also the founder of the Horizon Project and it was under his supervision that the Project became focused on the goal of identifying new planets and investigating their suitability for becoming the new homeplanet of the human race.”

Soojin is clearly pleased and Jongho doesn’t know why, but something in him makes him raise his hand. “How did he die?” He asks when Soojin nods him on and he hopes Mingi doesn’t notice and call him out later. He’s only asking out of bitterness at the fact that apart from his grandmother Jieun, every other astronaut in the history of the Horizon Project seems to have received a proper ceremony.

“There was an accident,” Soojin answers after a moment. She goes to pull up the video footage and Wooyoung begins muttering under his breath. “I’m surprised you haven’t seen this,” she hums pensively. “It was all over the news ten years ago.”

Jongho grinds his teeth together. “We didn’t get a news connection in my part of the city.” And even if they did, his mother would never allow them to watch.

Soojin tilts her head understandingly and the clip begins to play while she explains it. “Mr. Kim was in the spacecraft ready to take his final retirement trip to the Citadel when something went wrong and a fire broke out.”

Hongjoong excuses himself quietly but Jongho watches the ship practically fall out of the sky with fascination. An accident in the cockpit? Not the death he expected for the greatest public figure of their age, even if he was elderly and accomplished by the time it happened.

A sombre atmosphere settles over the room when the expected grand funeral processions stop playing and Soojin smiles at them before segwaying into the next part of the lecture.

“Accidents such as these have been prevented in following missions. Nothing inspires like the tragic death of a hero, and only the hardest workers get into the Horizon Project and influence the advancement of the field. The safety procedures are strictly enforced at all times…”

Jongho descends into contemplation about the history of the IPF. The organisation is essentially running the world on its own, with even the government body it answers to under its thumb. Which means asking around isn’t going to get him answers about whatever massive coverup they must have scrambled to create for his grandmother Jieun.

No, he needs concrete evidence. Which means he needs to break into the archives, uninterrupted this time.

“Jongho?”

He looks up at Soojin in surprise. “Yes?”

“We’re discussing weapons safety now. Might want to pay attention.”

Jongho blushes and returns his gaze to the screen.

Oh, he will be paying attention. Close attention.

___

San’s hands are so sweaty he almost drops his chopsticks a grand total of three times, but he shakes it off and says hello to Wooyoung anyway. Honestly, he’s more intimidated by Yeosang sitting across from them. Not because he’s unfriendly, but because of his intense beauty. San feels tremendously plain compared to everyone else here but he knows that’s just his insecurity talking.

The group is at lunch before they split up and begin the hands-on part of their training, which is why San is attempting to get on the good side of his partner before they have to go familiarise themselves with the equipment.

“So you’ve lived outside Seoul your whole life?” Wooyoung chirps genially and San is immediately relaxed. “Yes, in the countryside. My village is quite middle class, though. Probably not what you’re picturing.” He rubs the back of his neck nervously but Wooyoung waves away his concern.

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t judge. My father may be a stockholder in IPF but that means nothing to me.”

San sits back, surprised. He could tell from the fact that Wooyoung and Yeosang were friends that the former must be wealthy enough to reside in the same general area, but he hadn’t predicted the extent of that wealth. San doesn’t get a chance to comment on it before a muffled ringing sound breaks into their conversation.

All around the table, members check their wristbands and Junyoung is the one receiving a call. “I didn’t know we could receive calls,” he mumbles to himself before looking up for confirmation that he’s allowed to take it. “It’s my father.”

Soojin isn’t here and Hongjoong still hasn’t returned from wherever he went during class so Seonghwa takes the initiative and nods him on, Junyoung smiling gratefully and standing up to wander away a distance.

The rest of the table is distracted from trying to eavesdrop by Hongjoong’s reappearance. “Where were you?” Jongho asks casually, fooling no one with his apparent interest in the stew he was eating.

“I—” Hongjoong’s mouth opens and closes as he struggles to explain. For some reason San wants to come to his rescue but Junyoung returns to the table and it seems he doesn’t have to.

“My mother’s in labour!” He pants, cleaning up his meal tray as if he’s about to leave. “Dad’s stuck at work and the twins don’t know what to do, so I really ought to go…”

“Go...home?” Yeosang scoffs. “Didn’t they tell us only yesterday that wasn’t allowed?”

“I’m sure Soojin can make an exception,” Junyoung insists, piling up his garbage and dumping it in the nearest incinerator. “Mother’s already had three children but that doesn’t mean she can have another on her own.”

“Hang on, Junyoung, let someone go with you to the offices at least,” Hongjoong sighs, abandoning his lunch just as soon as he’s received it. “It’s not likely they’ll allow you to go, but at least bring a witness.”

The two hurry off and San is again preoccupied with Wooyoung. The five minute reminder lights up their wristband screens again and the pair hurry off to their classroom. It’s only a day in but the two are in sync. Engineering lesson first, figuring out if Junyoung is successful later.

Both of them focus on their tasks, a series of exercises to help their supervisors assess their strengths and weaknesses, and while the lab coats conference with each other about it in the other room, San wheedles out Wooyoung’s entire backstory.

Wooyoung’s presence is entirely changed when it’s just the two of them. His energy and cockiness are significantly dialed down, and San thinks he knows the reason why.

Yet, as loath as he is to come between apparent years of friendship between Wooyoung and Yeosang, he really wants a connection with his partner. Jongho tolerating his presence and Yunho sleeping in the same room as him doesn’t quite count. Not yet, anyway.

As fidgety as Wooyoung is, it’s obvious he wants a friendship too. And what better place to start than in the belly of a fake spaceship with the story of his father’s descent into alcoholism.

“That’s when my mother left,” he sighs as he concludes his tale. “And it’s been a nightmare at home ever since.”

“She didn’t take you with her?” San prods quietly. He could never imagine his own family in such a state, a neglectful father and an abandoning mother.

Wooyoung snorts and shakes his head. “We haven’t spoken since. She’s probably remarried and living the highlife in Europe somewhere.”

“Well you’re out of there now!” San smiles brightly. “You can dictate your own life from this point on.”

Wooyoung visibly relaxes, shoulders lowering as any reservations he may have had about the conversation fizzle out.

“Thanks for telling me,” San tells him with every bit of sincerity. It’s clearly not easy for Wooyoung to spill his guts like this about such a sensitive childhood, and especially to someone he’s only known for 24 hours, even if that someone is his partner now.

“Thanks for listening,” Wooyoung returns. He needed someone to talk to and San was more than happy to be that person.

San can see it in his smile; they’re going to be great together.

___

Yunho is having the time of his life. Holding a real L-24 IPF blaster is a completely different feeling than shooting fake lasers out of game consoles.

“It’s so...light!”

He giggles and aims it at the nearest target before Jongho’s hand lands on his arm.

“Careful where you point that,” the younger boy warns, directing his attention to the sturdier line of targets on the opposite wall. “It’s switched to flamethrower fire not plasma beams.”

“How do you know where the projectile settings are?” Yunho splutters. It’s not like they passed these things out for practice in school.

Jongho steps back and shoves his hands in his pockets, eyes lingering on the weapon. “I had a deactivated L-24 growing up. It didn’t actually fire but it was convincing enough to scare the gangsters away.”

“Gangsters?” Yunho gasps, lowering the blaster carefully. He didn’t know Seoul even had gangsters. “What part of town were you in?”

Jongho smirks teasingly. “The bad part.”

Yunho returns the blaster to its holder sedately even as he side-eyes Jongho’s posture when he draws and aims another L-24. It’s honestly a little intimidating, but Yunho shakes the thought out of his head.

They’re not here to one-up each other, they’re teammates.

“I see you’ve already started, gentlemen,” their instructor Siwon deadpans as he enters the room. The door slides shut behind him with a decided click. “In the future might I recommend not touching the weapons until you are supervised?”

Yunho resists the urge to roll his eyes. This guy already reminds him of a teacher he had in school. One he didn’t like.

The gunners both acknowledge the order and settle in for an introduction to IPF standard issue firearms. At least the subject material is more engaging than school.

Time flies by and Yunho doesn’t even realise how hard he’s been straining until his stomach growls loudly in the presence of dinner. The cafeteria is even more sparse than it was for the first two meals of the day, and noticing some of his own team members are absent again, Yunho pockets some food and sneaks back to the dorms with it.

Wooyoung and San are grateful to be fed while they look over some of their homework together at the common room table. Yeosang, too, accepts the smuggled meal when he returns from a lesson that went overtime.

Hongjoong and Junyoung arrive in the common room just as soon as everyone else has wandered into their bedrooms for the night, but Yunho is faithfully there with the chicken bucket he saved for them to share.

Junyoung eats silently, watches the sun dip behind the skyscrapers through the window, and closes himself in his room when he’s finished. It’s only when Hongjoong collapses on the couch with a sigh that Yunho has his suspicions confirmed.

“They won’t allow him to go. It took the entire afternoon to argue with them, and they still wouldn’t budge.”

“You did your best,” Yunho encourages, popping a piece of neglected chicken into his mouth. Obviously, he wasn’t there, but he can only assume. And besides, if Hongjoong skipped his own class to vouch for Junyoung, that’s all the evidence he needs.

“It wasn’t enough,” Hongjoong grumbles. “But at least they let him call his family. His mother’s fine, the baby’s fine… but he won’t get to meet them. Not until they have clearance to move to the Citadel.”

Yunho snorts in protest. “Ridiculous. They’re really that serious about this?”

Hongjoong shrugs helplessly and makes to leave, but Yunho’s hand on his shoulder stops him.

“Sorry, I was just wondering…” His mouth goes dry mid-sentence and he struggles to complete the thought. “What was all that back in morning class?”

“Ah…” Hongjoong sits back and avoids his gaze. He knows what he’s asking about, but something’s stopping him from confiding in him. “I’m fine, it was nothing. Really, you don’t have to worry about it.”

His smile isn’t convincing but Yunho releases him with an acknowledging nod. “Sure, whenever you’re comfortable talking about it. I won’t tell anyone.”

Hongjoong raises his eyebrows and sizes him up quickly. “Alright,” he decides, leaving with no further comment. It may have been simple, but it was affirmative. He’s willing to trust Yunho, just not quite yet. Not on Day One, when all he knows about him is that he’s unnervingly tall, great at laser games, and nice enough to offer some chicken. Oh, and a bit of a crybaby.

Yunho tosses the empty bucket and peeks at the office building out the window before tapping it to turn the glass opaque for the night.

No leaving the facility, even to meet your newest sibling.

It’s tough luck, but Yunho doesn’t dwell on it much longer because it reminds him that there’s something he ought to do as well.

He holes himself inside his room, gazing out the window and putting out a sanctioned call.

His mother picks up halfway through the first ring.

“Yunho!” Her voice radiates comfort and love. Yunho suddenly feels awful for not calling her yesterday. He had been on a high then from the exam results and the whirlwind evening. He swallows tears and greets her happily.

“How was your first day?” She almost whispers, like her excitement for her son has stolen her breath away.

“First day? First day! I can’t believe I’m saying that. It was…” he’s not even sure what to tell her. She’d probably go into a panic if he mentioned the firearms or the extreme conditions training regimen. He settles instead for a vague but truthful answer. “It was really cool. I definitely want to do this for the rest of my life.”

“Are you eating well? Are you making friends? How is the facility, is your room comfortable enough?”

He smiles and assures her gently, he isn’t wasting away from hunger. It’s barely been a day away from them.

“Maybe I can try sending you some things from home, just to remember us by,” she mumbles mostly to herself before her voice is directed at him again. “Oh, your father wants to say hello. And your brother, too. Actually the cousins as well, and your aunts and uncles. I think we’d better record a video message or something, so many people are here...”

“The whole family is over?” He laughs, surprised. Usually the only way to get Uncle Changmin and Uncle Jaejoong under the same roof is to throw a holiday party. “I’m really sorry I’m missing it.”

“Oh don’t be,” she tuts and he can imagine her batting a hand at him. “We’re together to celebrate you, love. And your incredible achievement.”

Another voice comes over the connection and it’s his father, husky with emotion but firm in what he says. “Have we told you how proud of you we are yet? Because we’re so proud, son. So very proud.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye,” he chokes unexpectedly, hoping none of the others hear him from outside and come to investigate. “Mingi and I were just nervous and we wanted to get there early and study. It was a one in a billion chance either of us would make it anyway and we just... we just didn’t think we weren’t going home again.”

His father hums sympathetically at him and Yunho can hear one of his aunt’s voices in the background. “I don’t like all these rules of theirs. They ought to let the boys come home to be celebrated!”

“Shh, Sooyeon, don’t say things like that!” His father chides her and Yunho’s laughing at the night sky with their banter on the phone. “They record these calls, you know, we don’t want Yunho getting in any trouble.”

“Don’t worry about me, Dad,” Yunho assures him. “I can take care of myself now, I’m being trained for it and everything.”

“That’s our boy,” his mother’s voice reaches his ears again. It’s a bit shaky, like she’d needed to blink tears back a moment ago. She probably did.

“Go make the world a better place, Yunho.”

“Actually,” now it’s Yunho’s younger brother and his voice is dripping with sarcasm but there’s a deep seated affection underneath it all. “Go find the world a better place. It’s about time we got off this planet.”

Yunho laughs heartily and says his goodbyes when the time comes. There’s a warmth spreading in him despite the chill of the metal room he’s confined to.

Before he can dwell on the good feeling while it lasts, an alert lights up his wristband, directing him to the common room for an automated announcement.

Yunho sighs but obeys the order, figuring he had better get used to this kind of thing. He’s never been so policed in his life, but this is the most serious job on the planet, and protocol must be followed at all times.

Quietly, all ten of them assemble in the common room as a holoscreen lights up above the table. Youngseok is already in his pajamas and there’s a toothbrush hanging out of San’s mouth.

Which means unless he has an obsession with excessive oral hygiene, San has been loitering in the bathroom to give Yunho some privacy during his call. He smiles gratefully at San who points at himself in mock confusion before winking back. Yunho snagged an amazing roommate.

“Welcome, 2118 Horizon Project members,” the automated voice says. “The Project Coordination Council has officially approved the team lists for your simulation Dome training sessions.”

That causes them all to perk up and they’re on the edge of their metaphorical seats while the voice explains. “Report to the Dome tomorrow at 0500 with your teams. Team A: Hongjoong, San, Wooyoung, Junyoung, and Youngseok. Team Z: Seonghwa, Yunho, Yeosang, Mingi, and Jongho. Together your title is Horizon Team ATZ.”

Makes sense, Yunho thinks as everyone else swivels their heads around, looking for their teammates. Mingi and Jongho on his team-- Yunho must have gotten lucky. It’s a shame San won’t be with him, but Yunho would take everyone if he could.

A hand taps his shoulder and he turns from the disappearing screen to face Seonghwa. “Hello,” the older boy says, fiddling with the edge of his jacket. “I know we haven’t really talked… but I’m excited to work with you.”

Yeosang, Mingi, and Jongho wander over as well. “The Dome,” Yeosang reminds them, pointing at it through the window. “It’s like a world within a world. Terrain, atmosphere, weather conditions-- all generated to create a mini-environment. People have died in there. Are we ready?”

Yunho exhales a puff of air and turns to face his friends. ��As ready as we’ll ever be.”

...

Taglist (Let me know if you would like to be added): @mooneylooney1 @hwashinestar @delphinium3000 @kpop-choco

This chapter’s recommended listening: Moon by Jonghyun

A/N: Debated with myself about whether it was a good time to post or not, but I came to give you something to read and maybe take your mind off things if you’re struggling :) Don’t forget to let me know what you think and stay safe out there!

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15 notes · View notes

bisoo · 5 years ago

Text

Shitty day (yandere!Jungkook)

(Here, I made it @gucieguciekook !! It’s finally here !!! Ahh, what would I not do for this little angel who deserves all the love in the whole world :c It’s only the second time I write something yandere, and this one is not as soft as the first one-- I’m also embarrassed because it’s the first story I spot on Tumblr >< I hope you’ll like it, because after all this waiting, you shouldn’t be deceived xD )

-1535 words

-------------------------------------------------------

Today hasn't been your day. Sometimes, luck isn't on your side and you just have to deal with it. There's nothing you can do besides enduring everything.

Easier said than done. You feel like the world's against you when you haven't done anything wrong. It started when you woke up late for school, you hit your toe against a table, you burnt your toast and missed your bus. You ran under the rain, before realizing that all your books stood home, in front of your bed.

The rest of the day passed incredibly slowly, with more tests and homework for the next week than you can count.

The only lesson without any problem was the last: you had to prepare a presentation with someone else. You were the last one without a pair, so you didn't mind at all when Jungkook came and asked to be your partner.

His shyness is what surprised you the most. He always appeared like a tough guy, but right now he looked more like a little bunny.

For the first time of today, you felt yourself cracking a smile. His presence was the most comfortable thing you experienced today. You didn't know him well, he was just another student in most of your class. You may have a little crush on him, one that you quickly dismissed because of how popular with other girls he was. Still, you enjoyed his presence nonetheless.

The small conversations you've both had made your day a little bit brighter. You could now only hope that your bad luck was completely over because you had plans for tonight. You finally managed to contact your friends, who aren't in the same school as you, to go to the cinema with you.

You were excited and wanted everything to go well, that's why you prepared yourself early. From your hair to your outfit, no details had been overlooked.

It's one hour later that you found yourself waiting in front of the cinema, sending a few texts to your friends and killing time with social media.

You know they're not the most punctual people out here but after an hour of waiting and still nothing, you feel like you touched rock bottom. You sit against a wall, letting a tear slip from your eyes. After a few minutes, you raise your head and come across something unexpected : "Jungkook ?"

The said man looks at you with nothing but surprise readable in his eyes. You straighten up and remove dust from your clothes while walking to him. "Alina, I- I didn't expect to see you here !" He gave you a little smile. You returned the favor and explained that your plan for tonight was canceled at the last minute. He proposed to go to a cafe instead, and you couldn't say no. So here you are, sitting in front of your crush in a cafe after the worst day of your life. You talked about anything, but not once did one of you bring up the subject of the presentation.

It is only at the end of your da- meeting that you realize something... "Before you go, can I have your number ?" It's only by seeing his shocked face that you realize what you just asked. "F-for the project! So I can contact you for the p-project!" You clarify. The chuckle that leaves his lips made your head turns toward him quickly. He looks rather amused by the situation, while you just wish to disappear with your now red cheeks.

He takes his phone out of his pocket and starts to dictate numbers. You immediately take your phone too and save his phone number as "Jk". "I have to say, I'm quite happy to have your number now... For the project, of course" he laughed.

You were too busy trying desperately to stop the blush from your cheeks in vain to comprehend what he just said.

It is on this exchange that you part ways. Or that's what you think so since you don't feel the presence following you a few meters away.

The next day, you start talking to him by messages. He's funny enough to ease your nerves, at least until he asks you where you two should meet. You asked if you can come to his house, not wanting him to see the mess that is your house. "No problem, though I'll have to clean a bit before. Can you come for 3 pm ?"

And that's how you found yourself in front of his house, clenching on your bag to reduce your stress. Jungkook opened the door with a bunny smile and invited you in. You admire his living room for a bit before clearing your throat. "So, about the project..."

In the middle of it, you asked where the toilets are. Once indicated, you follow the path until you hear a noise.

It looked like a scream but muffled, and from far away. You stop in your track in the hope of hearing it again, and your patience is rewarded when the same noise can be heard.

You find the potential source of it, but the closer you get, the more doubtful you are. Maybe it was just in your head...? Of course, it is, who are you kidding. You're probably tired after all this work, or it could be his neighbor outside. You shake your head and turn back.

When you come back, you see a very concentrated Jungkook writing on his papers, his pout dismissing every thought you had about the noises. You sit next to him and he smiles again.

It's only 3 days later, right before going to Jungkook's house again, that your phone rings. When you see your best friend's name flashing on your screen, you sigh. She didn't send you anything for 4 days and now, she's calling you? You pick up.

"You better have a good explanation because I won't go easy on you if you just-" "Excuse me, are you close to this person ?" a manly voice asks You know for sure that this voice is unfamiliar to your ears. You continue. "Well... Yes. Why, who are you? Where did you find this phone ?" You ask, raising an eyebrow. Your best friend may be clumsy, but she has never lost her phone before.

"Not exactly, we... We found this body, and the only thing left was this phone." Silence. How can you respond to that? These words are not real, she was fine less than a week ago. "I... I swear that... If it's a joke, then you're not funny at all-" "Ma'am, I understand how difficult it must be right now, but... I'm sorry."

You can't hold back a sob now. You feel tears escaping your eyes, yet you do nothing to stop them. The number hangs up and leaves you alone now, with nothing holding you to fall and to cry until your throat hurts. At least another call. Jungkook. You slowly pick up, saying his name through sobs. "Hey hey hey, it's okay, breathe. Just breathe, calm down. It's okay." he said. "J-Jungkook, she- she's now... I can't-" you sob even harder. Jungkook tries to calm you down over the phone while you come to his house. Your vision is still a little blurry but Jungkook's words help you enough.

When you arrive, you see him already in front of his door, running towards you the second your car comes to his vision. He hugs you tightly and takes you inside.

Once on the couch, with a blanket wrapped around you because of how cold it is outside and a box of tissues on the table, you explain everything. How your best friend hasn't responded in 4 days, how the call with the stranger went and how horrible of a friend you are.

Jungkook takes you gently in his arms, one hand stroking your back and the other on your head. You close your eyes for a moment and allow your lungs to breathe normally again.

"Do you want some tea? I made it before you arrived" he asked while getting up. You nod your head, eyes glued on the table. When you hear his footsteps fade away, you slowly get up and look around. You've never really had the opportunity to explore his house, with the presentation and all.

One of the first things to catch your attention is a picture upside down on the chimney. You walk toward it and turn it over before holding back a scream.

This is a picture of you and your best friend. It seems pretty old by the folds on the side, but two things are worst than this simple picture.

Firstly, your face is surrounded by hearts and the word "Mine" is written next to you.

Secondly, your friend's face is covered with red crosses everywhere. Actually, her whole body is covered in red. Dark red.

But it's not from a marker.

You jump and turn around at the sound of a cup breaking on the floor. There, right in front of the kitchen, stood Jungkook, his eyes wide just like the time in front of the cinema

But there wasn't only surprise, this time. No, there was something...

Darker.

Crazier.

It wasn't a shitty day that you've had, it was a shitty fate that you just concluded.

#gucieguciekook #LuvULilBean #Yandere Jungkook

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video103 · 5 years ago

Text

syllabus

DMS 103: Basic Video

The Department of Media Study, University at Buffalo SUNY

Spring 2020 Instructor: Charlie Best (pronouns: he/him/his or they/them/theirs)

T/TH 9:00 am - 10:50 am

CFA 286 Office hours by appointment and Tuesdays 11am-12pm, starting 2/4/20

Instructor email: [email protected], UB email TBD blog: “DMS 103 SP2020” https://video103.tumblr.com/

THIS SYLLABUS IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE. IT ALMOST CERTAINLY WILL CHANGE. DUE NOTICE WILL BE GIVEN OF THE CHANGES. Course Description: Basic Video is a beginning level class on the uses of digital video as a medium of artistic expression. The class will be a mixture of history, theory, technique and practice; with the emphasis on combining the former three into the all-important act of making. The class is intensive and hands-on; the apprehension of technical and aesthetic skills in shooting, sound, and editing, will be emphasized. Class assignments will introduce students to, or deepen their familiarity with, as many areas of the moving image genre as possible. Importance will be placed on using video as a means of expression, articulation, exploration and experimentation. This course will emphasize experimentation over imitation. Active and constructive participation in class discussion and activity is required. However, both listening

and speaking are involved in successful participation, and this requires sensitivity to the ideas and

methods of participation of others in the class. It is a goal of the class to be open minded and respectful

of others’ work. All ideas, thoughts and critiques are welcomed. Screenings and discussions of specific

screenings will enhance the class. In class exercises and workshops will occur frequently and focus on

elements being currently discussed in the course. There will be weekly moving image creation AND reading/writing/watching assignments, as well as longer term ones. Access to equipment and editing facilities will be available with the $125 lab fee for this course. Course Outcomes

Students will:

▪ have a basic knowledge of video camera operation, lighting equipment and techniques, audio recording, visual composition, and post production editing software.

▪ students will create original video artworks.

▪ critique and analyze one’s own work and classmates’ work using critical analysis and constructive comments.

▪ work individually and collaboratively to produce a finished work that meets assigned objective.

analyze and discuss video examples with effective use of vocabulary of film/ video production.

Required Supplies

-sketchbook or notebook and pen/pencil for notes, drawings, diagrams, etc. Bring it to class every day

1TB USB 3.0 portable Mac compatible hard drive. *NOTE: Although hard drive space is available for students in the editing lab, an external hard drive is highly recommended for this course. Class project files will be large in size. A flash drive is not large enough to properly save your project files. Students are responsible for their file management.

-All required course readings will be provided either electronically or on paper.

Recommended Supplies

-SD Card, minimum 32 GB

-You may find as the course continues that you wish to purchase/borrow various tools/supplies for your work. Expect this desire to come about! No assignment will be given that will require to make any outside purchases in order to successfully complete the assignment to your fullest potential.

Evaluation and Grading Attendance and Participation: 25% Weekly/Biweekly Moving Image Projects and Written Responses/Viewing Assignments: 20% Midterm Project : 25% Final Project and Portfolio Review: 30% Grading scale: 100-90 = A 89-80 = B 79-70 = C 69-60 = D

59 and below = F

Extra Credit: Extra credit is welcomed in multiple forms, and can be decided upon between the student and instructor on a case by case basis. Some suggested forms are: independent written analyses of media that has been posted to the class blog, attending and reviewing a local exhibition, camera/video studies done outside of an assignment. To be considered for extra credit, the student must schedule a brief office hour appointment with the instructor, to view and discuss the work. Each extra credit assignment adds 5 points to a previous assignment grade, of the student’s choice. Extra credit cannot be earned and then saved for a future assignment. Extra credit cannot make up for a missed assignment.

Assignment Descriptions Moving Image Projects (MIP): These projects, given weekly or biweekly, are meant to complement/practice a skill/concept covered in class. Consider them like digital sketches in a sketchbook. An informal, raw work that shows dedication or thorough study is just as valid as a completed, polished work. Take them seriously, but enjoy them as well. These are opportunities to make mistakes and learn more about your media making interests/dislikes. The criteria for each MIP will be given the day they are assigned. They will never be required to be more than 2 minutes. We will occasionally critique them as a class and in small groups. Personal feedback will be given from the instructor to the student regarding their MIP.

Written Responses/Viewing Assignments (WR/VA): These assignments, given weekly or biweekly, are meant to complement or further topics presented in class. The criteria for them will be given on the day they are assigned. All written responses will be a minimum of 300 words. College level writing proficiency is expected. Content and thought is graded more heavily than grammar. All written responses are to be turned in to the instructor via email or hard copy, by the start of class, the day they are due. We will occasionally share our writing, in part or full, with each other during in class discussions. The purpose of these assignments is to grow in our critical thinking and sharing of viewpoints, learning to ask questions and analyze media thoroughly. Honest reflection is valued over trying to be fancy for fancy’s sake. Personal feedback will be given from the instructor to the student regarding their WR/VA.

Midterm Project: The midterm project will be a student produced work of 2-3 minutes in length, considered fully complete at the time of presentation. The student will be able to select their final assignment from 3 available project categories, to be given. A proposal will be required and factored into the final grade. This work will demonstrate the student’s grasp of concepts learned in the first half of the course, as well as their conceptual/formal interests.

Final Project and Portfolio Review: The final project will be a student produced work of 5-10 minutes in length, considered fully complete at the time of presentation. A proposal will be required and factored into the final grade. The student will be able to select their final assignment from 5 available project categories, to be given. The student will also present a portfolio of 5 moving image works, not including the final project. These works will have been made over the duration of the course. After the initial due date, a previous assignment may be edited and re-presented as part of the final portfolio. This will not change the assignment’s initial grade, but is meant to encourage further editing on one’s portfolio throughout the semester. The portfolio and final project will demonstrate the student’s grasp on skills learned throughout the course, and the growth of their conceptual/formal viewpoint as a video maker. Class Blog I will be regularly updating a class blog. Here you will be able to find documents, links, criteria, news and more that I will post for you. Required reading or viewing for an assignment I will try my absolute most to both post to the blog, and distribute in person/via email, so that it is always in two locations. The purpose of this blog is to provide resources that can greatly aid your personal research and creative practice, provide an archive of the artists/topics/films/videos/websites/etc we look at, and provide inspiration for assignments. I highly encourage, if you do not already, to start your own creative practice of collecting/archiving media/resources that are meaningful to you. Class Schedule: Subject to Change Week 1: Intro to Intro T 1/28: Introductions, Syllabus Review, round table media discussion

Assigned - WR/VA #1, bios TH 1/30: Video and camera basics, screenings Due - WR/VA # 1

Assigned - Video Portraits MIP Week 2: Cameras and Adobe Premiere T 2/4: Assigned - WR/VA #2 TH 2/6: Due- Video Portraits MIP Assigned - Element Studies MIP

Week 3: Adobe Premiere, cont. T 2/11: Due - WR/VA #2 Due - Element Studies MIP TH 2/18: Assigned - WR/VA 3 Assigned - MIP 3 Week 4* T 2/25: Due - WR/VA 3 Due - MIP 3 Midterm Project Introduced Assigned - Midterm Project Proposal TH 2/27: Due - Midterm Project Proposal Week 5* T 3/3: TH 3/5: Week 6* T 3/10: Midterm Critiques, in class screening TH 3/12: Midterm Critiques, in class screening Week 7: Spring Break!!!!! :) Week 8* T 3/24: Assigned - WR/VA 4 TH 3/26: Assigned - MIP 4 Week 9* T 3/31 Due - WR/VA 4 TH 4/2: Final Project Introduced Due - MIP 4 Assigned - MIP 5 Week 10* T 4/7 Due - MIP 5 Assigned - WR/VA 5 Assigned - Final Project Proposal

TH 4/9 Due - Final Project Proposal Week 11* T 4/14 Due - WR/VA 5 TH 4/16 Assigned - MIP 6 Assigned - WR/VA 6 Week 12* T 4/21 Due - MIP 6 Due - WR/VA 6 TH 4/22

Assigned - WR/VA 7

Week 13* T 4/28 Due - WR/VA 7 TH 4/30 Week 14: T 5/5: Final Critiques** TH 5/7: Final Critiques** *Due to the interdisciplinary and experimental nature of this course, and the short notice of the course given to the instructor, the topics and specific tasks of each week will be determined 1-3 weeks in advance. All students will be timely informed of the week’s schedule and the specific nature of assignments. Possible skills learned may include: green screen, lighting, camera angle/shot workshop, sound editing. Possible topics/themes/genres covered may include: narrative and non narrative film making, documentaries, music videos, internet video/memes/social media, video games, performance, race and video/film, gender/sexuality and video/film, found footage, appropriation, general video history, film history, Surrealist film, non-Western filmmaking approaches, collaborations/social experiments, experimental media use. **Once I have more information regarding scheduling during final exams, I will have a more complete schedule regarding final critiques. I am hoping I can add one more week of work time for everyone, but that remains to be seen. Course Policies

Attendance and Participation

Students are allowed 3 unexcused absences (“no call, no show”) for the semester. After a 4th missed class, your final grade will be lowered by half a grade. With six absences, it will be difficult to pass the class. If you know you will be missing class, I appreciate an email sent ahead of time. Medical/personal emergencies are considered excused absences. Students are responsible for any work or content covered that they missed in an absence.

Assignment Policy

Students are expected to turn assignments in on the day they are due, at the beginning of class. This policy will be reconsidered only under extenuating circumstances. Turning in something is always better than turning in nothing. Communicate with the instructor as soon as possible if completing an assignment on time is an issue. Students are free to use anything they make in this course on their portfolio. Content Warnings I will do my absolute best to inform students, prior to viewing, if the media we are going to watch/read, contains content one may find sensitive or potentially triggering. Please note that media of any content can cause intense reaction based upon the viewer and context it is presented in.

Class Conduct

Students must show the instructor and others proper respect by adhering to the following guidelines:

Students will be on time to class and stay until dismissed. If late, students will enter the

classroom quietly and unobtrusively. If you are over 15 minutes to the class or leave early

without informing the instructor, your attendance will be marked as absent for the day.

Students will refrain from engaging in off topic discussion or distracting behavior during class.

Students will show other students courtesy while they are speaking or presenting material. Respectful, supportive and constructive feedback is expected from all students when reviewing and critiquing their peers’ work in any form.

Students will adhere to professional standards of interaction at all times during class. Students are responsible for the material covered and the homework assigned on the day/s they were absent.

Students are responsible for checking their emails regularly for class announcements.

There will be extremely limited cell phone use in class, as it is distracting to the instructor as

well as your classmates. I ask that you turn off phones and only use computers for notes during

lecture-based classes. Use of these devices during unallocated class time will reflect negatively

on your participation grade. Use of laptops and tablet computers is not allowed during class time for any purpose other than taking notes during lectures, or for an instructor authorized in class workshop. Laptops must be closed during screenings and project presentations.

We will be screening several films and videos in class and discussing each film, so please be

awake, alert, and attentive. Closed-toe shoes are required for every class due to production workshops and handling heavy equipment that has the capacity to cause bodily harm.

Do not leave bottles of water, coffee cups or any waste behind in the classroom or editing studios. Use common sense when considering bringing food or drink to class.

Academic dishonesty and acts of plagiarism will result in serious consequences. If you have any question about the relationship of your work to the work of another, ask your instructor prior to handing in such assignments.

Contact the instructor if you are having trouble keeping up with the course. It’s better to reach out

than wait until it’s too late.

ACADEMIC INTEGRITY POLICY https://academicintegrity.buffalo.edu/policies.php Department Policies:

• Students are entitled to a course syllabus with course content, meeting times, course requirements,

grading criteria, statements on academic integrity, disabilities, sexual harassment

• Criteria for grading of projects and papers should be made explicit before the work is due; formats for

examinations should be made explicit prior to their administration.

• All students must meet the academic requirements stated in the course syllabus. This includes papers,

projects, class participation, and laboratory assignments that count toward the final grade.

• Late work is accepted only at the discretion of the instructor.

• Students who fail to adhere to punctuality or miss classes will see their grade impacted accordingly.

• Incomplete grades can be requested but remain at the discretion of the instructor. If request is

approved, faculty member and student must complete and sign the “Departmental Request for Grade 4

of Incomplete” form http://mediastudy.buffalo.edu/wpcontent/uploads/2011/03/

RequestforIncompleteGrade-v1.pdf

• Students must adhere to DMS equipment access and usage rules as outlined in the Equipment Room

Policy - http://mediastudy.buffalo.edu/facilities/access-policy

• Weapons are not allowed on campus. If students are planning a production that involves using

anything which could be interpreted as a weapon they must obtain written permission from the

University Police or the equivalent authority beforehand.

• No student can be required to view or respond to materials they deem offensive. Substitute

materials will be made available, where possible.

• Collaboration is encouraged where appropriate and in accordance with the instructor’s consent.

However, plagiarism is never acceptable. Students must understand that they may under no

circumstances knowingly represent as their own any idea or expression of an idea or work of another

in any academic examination or term test, or in connection with any other form of academic work. If in

doubt, the student should err on the side of caution and consult the instructor for guidance.

• If a student has a disability (physical or learning) the student may contact the Office of Disability

Services http://www.student-affairs.buffalo.edu/ods during the first two weeks of class. ODS will

provide information on arrangements for reasonable accommodations.

• Sexual harassment of employees and students, as defined at

http://policy.business.buffalo.edu/Policy%20Library/Discrimination%20and%20Harassent.pdf

is contrary to university policy.

• Classes are to meet at the time and location listed in the schedule, unless changed with the consent of

the entire class, and approved by the Department Chair.

• Instructors are to be available for consultation during office hours and, at the discretion of the

instructor, by appointment.

• Instructors are required to justify a grade, if a student asks for this information. Instructors should

retain academic records for one year after the end of the course.

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thinkyoureholy · 7 years ago

Text

A Woman Scorned [8]

Pairing : Kim Jongin / Reader

Genre : Angst, Mature Language, Fluff, Smut

Words : 2.7k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9. Pt 10. Pt 11. Pt 12. Pt 13. Epilogue.

-Y/N's P.O.V-

I pressed the number zero, bringing the phone up to my ear. The phone rang twice before she answered with a hello. I didn’t even bother greeting her, calling her over to my office before hanging up. In the time it took her to arrive to my office I had already finished writing up the report Junmyeon had asked me to help out with. I heard the door open with I put the last period on the last sentence, hearing her heels clicking against the floor before she came to a stop in front of my desk. I looked up to see a tight lipped smile on her face, her head bowing in greeting.

“Where’s the paperwork I needed this morning?” I asked, getting straight to the point.

“The team hasn’t finished it yet. They need a couple more hours to get it done.” She said in a sharp tone, “It’s not like you know what the paperwork is needed for anyway.”

She muttered that last bit under her breath but I heard in loud and clear. I grinned at hearing it, leaning back in my chair. Of course she had no idea I took classes before and while in jail for business. Originally I had started taking them about three years before I was incarcerated. I had wanted to help Minseok of with the shop more instead of just being a simple cashier so I had proposed an idea to him. I told him that I’d start going to school and learn how to manage a business to help lessen his load. Of course going to jail kind of put a dent into my education but luckily for me the prison helped me finish my schooling while I was there. It took some convincing from Junmyeon but they agreed to let me continue my studies. So now that I was out I knew almost all the ins and outs of running a company.

“It’s for the new proposal being launched at the end of the week for a new AI system. Originally meant to be proposed for a new government security system but there are some flaws in its security so it’s been rejected. The company doesn’t have the resources to fix this problem so it’s being proposed to a new cell phone company. With a halo-graphic feature accompanying the AI program it’s projected to sell beautifully across the country, bringing in the money Jongin has last over the past two years.” I told her with a grin on my face at seeing the shock spread across her own.

I watched her set her jaw in anger, a laugh falling from my lips, “I’m not as useless as you think. I plan on bringing this company further than that old man ever did before completely ruining it. It’d be a bit bittersweet really to let such a company fall but I have no intention of keeping this company running any longer, it’s useless to me.”

“You’ve gone completely insane.”

“Who do you think made me this way?” I asked with a tilt of my head, grinning up at her, “Now. Get me the paperwork within the next hour. But make yourself useful right now and get me a cup of coffee.”

I could see her grinding her teeth together in annoyance, “In the office I’d appreciate it if you called me Ms. Yoo...or would prefer Mrs. Kim?”

The grin on my face faltered for a split second but I managed to recover quickly, a chuckle leaving my lips as I leaned forward, “Calling you by your last name means I have at least an ounce of respect for you which I don’t. Respect is earned, not given and my dear Bora...you will never earn mine,” I paused for a second, watching that fire in her eyes ignite with delight, “Now about that coffee...make sure it has an extra shot of espresso. You can show yourself out now”

With that said I turned my attention away from her and towards my computer screen. I noticed an email had just been dropped in my inbox but before I opened it up I heard the door to my front office slam shut, the smile falling off my face. My face went blank at seeing who the email was from, my grip on the mouse tightening. With a heavy sigh I opened it up, a scoff leaving my lips at what it said.

Stay after everyone else has left tonight. I’ll be at your office a few minutes after everyone has left, I’m not done talking with you.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, deleting the email entirely. I don’t know what else he had to say but I wasn’t interested in hearing it. After what was said a few days ago there was nothing, absolutely nothing he could say to make me forgive him. I had made it clear the l felt about everything and I had thought he had finally given up but he’s as stubborn as ever. Though I had nothing to talk to him about I couldn’t help but think that this was an opportunity to get back at him. With a grin I sent a text out to the one person I knew would be all for helping me out on this, no questions asked.

…...

I walked down the hallways, a stack of papers in my hand as I read over what was printed on them while I walked. I thought I was putting enough attention into walking but I thought wrong when I bumped into a sturdy chest. I let out a small grunt before bowing slightly and beginning to apologize. That apology got stuck in my throat halfway through as I looked up from the papers to meet the eyes of the person I bumped into. My face immediately went rigid, a frown forming on my face.

“Y/N-”

I didn’t give Jongin the chance to say anything more as I walked around him without uttering a word. I bumped into the shoulder of a man that had been walking in the opposite direction I was, muttering a small sorry as I continued to walk away from Jongin.

-Jongin’s P.O.V-

I gave a heavy sigh as I watched her walk away from me, running my hand through my hair in frustration. Kyungsoo walked towards me with a sympathetic smile on his face, placing a hand on my shoulder and turning me around as he lead me back to my office. Once inside he sat me down on the couch I had in the office. I leaned back, staring up at the ceiling as I thought of what I could possibly do for her to forgive me or at least even talk to me. Kyungsoo sat next to me after a few seconds, reassuringly patting my thigh as he placed a water bottle in my hand.

“If only she wasn’t so damned stubborn and just listen to me. All of this could’ve been fixed by now.” I said in exasperation.

“Well...she was in jail for two years because your grandfather refused to lift the charges he pressed on her. And you never took the time to visit her or at least send her a letter so it’s understandable that she hates you as much as she does…”

I gave him a look at his words, “Are you on my side or what?”

Kyungsoo let out a chuckle, raising his hands up in mock surrender, “I’m just saying you gotta look at it from her perspective. Going through all that...I’m sure she had a tough time adjusting to everything. It’s not easy living a normal life as a law abiding citizen one minute then the next be labeled as a criminal for a crime you swore you never committed.” He paused for a second before continuing, “Don’t you think she has at least some right to be as angry as she is? After everything she had to go through?”

I sighed heavily at his words, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my thighs before burying my face in my hands. I rubbed the palms of my hands over my face roughly as I thought about everything. Kyungsoo had a point and Y/N had every right to treat me the way she had been treating me but I for some reason couldn’t come to terms with it. I stubbornly thought my actions at the time were justified. I was presented with so much evidence that she in fact stole that envelope but at the same time I had even doubted that evidence I was shown. But instead of actively doubting the fabricated evidence I doubted her and that’s what ultimately ruined everything. Though I still strongly believed Bora had nothing to do with it. My grandfather on the other hand was another story. As much as I loved and respected him it was no secret how he handled all his affairs, I had just always chosen to look the other way. My mistake was letting the situation with Y/N go too far.

I was brought out of my train of thought by a knock on the door, feeling Kyungsoo get up from his place beside me to open the door. I didn’t lift my head until I heard the sound of a man clearing his throat. At seeing him my gaze immediately hardened, my jaw setting. The corners of his lips curled upwards slightly, as if he was smirking at me.

“Here’s the report for this week’s expenses. I already discussed everything with Y/N and she was gracious enough to loan the company the necessary money that was still needed until the company is able to pay it back at a later time.” He said, placing a folder on the coffee table in front of me.

“If I remember correctly you’re Y/N’s lawyer...what the hell are you doing handling our finances?”

He let a full blown smirk make its way onto his face, a small chuckle falling from his mouth, “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Jongin. And if Y/N asks me to be a financial advisor then I’ll be a financial advisor. In fact if she asks me to be anything she wants then I will be, all she has to do is say the word.”

I clenched my hand into a fist at the underlying meaning in his words, rising from my seat to properly look him in the eye, “And what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh I think you know exactly what that means. I’m at Y/N’s beck and call. If and when she calls for me I’m there, no questions asked.” He said, taking a step towards me, the smirk on his face vanishing as his lips formed a thin line, his eyes glaring intently into mine, “That’s the difference between you and me...among other things.”

He said that last bit with a smirk on his face, a knowing look in his eyes as he looked me up and down before leaving. I went to go after him since I wasn’t done talking but Kyungsoo held me back, his hand grabbing onto my forearm tightly.

“Let go of me.” I said through gritted teeth, the anger in me rising.

“No. We’re at work for fuck’s sake and I will not have you throwing any punches here. I know he pushed your buttons to provoke you, you should see it as well and calm the fuck down.” He said harshly, shoving me back roughly to get me to snap out of it.

I exhaled deeply before picking up the folder he had left and throwing it across the room to try and get rid of the bubbling anger rising within me before turning back around to face Kyungsoo, “I want that son of a bitch gone.”

“As much as you know I’d love to do that there’s nothing we can do about it. Y/N brought him in and at the end of the day what she says goes.”

-Y/N’s P.O.V-

“Ugh have I ever told you how much I love you?” I asked with a grin on my face.

Junmyeon had come into my office per my request from earlier in the day. It was about five minutes after the designated time for the employees to go home and though most of them had left there were still a few stragglers. This gave me some time to explain everything to him but before he could he recalled the hilarious encounter he had with Jongin. Junmyeon had delivered a critical blow to his ego and to me that was the most entertaining thing in the world.

“Only once or twice.” He said with an equally as wide grin but the grin fell from his face just seconds after it appeared, “Are you sure this will work?” He asked referring to the plan.

“Oh yeah it’ll definitely work. Especially after how you provoked him earlier? This plan is foolproof.” I told him with a gleeful look in my eyes, leaning against my desk with my arms crossed over my chest.

“And are you sure you’re okay with it?” He asked, his tone of voice more serious this time.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked back in confusion.

He sighed softly before giving a shake of his head, a small smile making its way onto his face, “As long as its one hundred percent okay with you then you know I’m game.”

He paused for a second, hearing footsteps coming towards the door to my office. With one final sigh he suddenly wrapped his arm around my waist tightly, pulling me flush against him. I’ll admit I was a bit surprised by the sudden action but before I could even think of saying anything I felt his lips pressed gently against mine. As soon as his lips made contact with mine I felt my entire body relax into his, my hands having a mind of their own as they made their way up his chest and into his hair. His lips were soft against mine as he kissed me slowly. Our lips moved in sync against the other, the sound of the door opening in the back of my mind as I began to lose myself in the kiss. One of my hands trailed back down his chest, fisting the material of his shirt in my hand and pulling him in even closer. His other hand came up to rest against the side of my neck as the kiss began to get a little heated. Our breathing sped up as our kisses starting getting hungrier and hungrier. He sighed into my mouth before biting down on my bottom lips gently, pushing me back further into my desk before lifting me up to sit atop it. I spread my legs so could he rest comfortably in between them, the arm around my waist pulling my midsection closer to his. It was at that moment he must’ve realized how far what was supposed to be a simple kiss went as he pulled away almost reluctantly. The both of us were breathing heavily as he rested his forehead against mine, trying to catch his breath. He didn’t say a word as he took a step back, running his fingers through his hair as his tongue subconsciously licked his lips.

“I...I think he saw enough right?” He asked, still panting slightly, his pupils blown out.

I stared at him without saying anything for a few seconds before finally coming to my senses, nodding, “I think so. Um, we should--we should go. Minseok will be waiting for us.”

“Yeah,” He said quickly before taking a deep breath, trying to regather himself, “Yeah. I’ll go and uh…,” He trailed off, losing his train of thought as he looked to be in a daze, “I’ll go on ahead and bring the car around.”

He didn’t wait for me to say anything as he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. Once he was gone I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding, shaking my head harshly as I tried to recollect my thoughts and break myself out of the stupor I was in.

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blackoutchocolate · 3 years ago

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You should be able to pass most 100 level humanities classes by just turning in weekly assignments. 4 assignments means that by the time you figure out how the professor grades you're probably close to halfway through the class. Look for classes that require weekly participation as a major chunk of the grade because that way, even if you fuck up a project in a major way, just showing up can save your ass.

I took a 200 level American lit class at a community college in spring 2029. Awful instructor (again, spring 2020 and she said “we’re all gonna die someday” during a discussion of whether we would or should move to remote learning. Also she called Columbus “ambivalent” towards Native Americans) and your ENTIRE grade was based on 3 tests. When we switched to online we’d only taken one of them and she evidently didn’t want to teach online so she switched it so that test was worth 50% of your grade and the other 50% was a single short essay on one of the things we hadn’t read yet. I did well on the assignments, but I can’t imagine how difficult this must have been for many classmates because we had nothing to fall back on if you were struggling.

By comparison, this past spring I took a 400 level renaissance lit course at a pretty decent state school. 35% of our grade was weekly writings that were essentially graded for existence and maybe effort. You had to write about the work we were doing and that would get full credit. 20% attendance and participation. Of course attendance grades are often ableist but idk what the balance is when a course is discussion based. Anyway, if you speak up in class you get 18-19/20. I think he only gives 20 for it if you have perfect attendance (at least—I took 200 level with the same prof and that also had 20% participation/attendance and that’s what he told us then). So, just by putting in effort (not even learning anything!!) you’ve got 54%. 20% was a conference proposal (and you’d get extra credit for submitting it to an undergrad Shakespeare conference he helps run), 25% for the final paper (plus extra credit if you ended up presenting the paper at the conference).

If you’re doing the math, that means you can get an 80% on the proposal and final and have a 90% in the class. The conference ended up getting canceled but he offered us a different conference but didn’t require a proposal, so the weighting got shuffled and tbh I don’t know what it ended up being, but I went into finals knowing I basically just needed my final to exist (which it already did, since I had presented to the undergrad lit conference. Which gave me a pile of extra credit, though I don’t know how much) to get a decent grade in the course.

And, this wasn’t a slacker course! You had to put in effort and do the readings etc. But you didn’t have to stress over every little thing. My only complaint is that there was only one paper and it’s hard to know what a professor wants for a final when you don’t have an earlier grade and comments to reference. He gives comments on the weekly writings and approved topics and was really accessible for questions though (plus I’d had him before. And he’s my advisor. So I had a sense of what he likes in a paper).

I’m applying for PhD programs now and when I someday am a professor, I have a policy that I will likely not publicize but will live (and more importantly grade) by: if the first assignment of any given weight has not been returned with comments by a certain time before the second assignment is due, the second will have an extension (I also will probably have a really supportive late policy but idk what it’ll be yet). The point of papers is to show what you’ve learned. The point of comments is to see how you can improve. You have the right to know what needs improving and if the instructor can’t get the assignments back in time, you should have a little more time to polish. I find taking a long time to return assignments EXTREMELY disrespectful to students. I hope to never make my students feel like that.

Anyway I had a professor this spring who inspired this policy and basically yikes.

I'm sorry, professor, I consider publishing your course a day late, having a mandatory live zoom meeting during business hours to stay enrolled for an asynchronous class, and requiring students to use a $60 ***pdf*** that you wrote as their textbook to be exceptionally unprofessional and since I've still got 14 days to get a refund I'm totally not paying $150 to take your class.

Also, for all the newbie professors out there: a syllabus is not just a greeting and a list of assignments. If you haven't given your students AT LEAST your office hours, your late work policy, and your preferred method of being contacted, then you have not given your students a syllabus it's just sparkling announcements.

But really. Sir. SIR. You teach Speech 100. This is one of the most basic classes with like, 20 of the most widely available accepted textbooks and you want me to pay sixty dollars for a pdf of a book that you rewrite every semester so that there are no previous editions?

Buddy this is interpersonal communication, not introductory rhetoric. Why is one of your *four* total assignments about Socrates?

Maybe it's the fact that I've taken Spch 100 interpersonal communication three times already, maybe it's the fact that I grew up with somebody who taught Spch 100 interpersonal communication from 1981 to 2018, but buddy what the fuck are you doing?

"Some of our lectures will only be available for 24 hours so it is up to you to stay on top of it."

Friend, you are teaching an asynchronous online 100-level class at a community college during a pandemic. Get off your high horse, a third of your students are probably parents. There is no reason whatsoever to limit access to course materials to 24 hours unless you are doing it to be a controlling asshole.

Also YOU published your class a day and a half late! You don't get to publish your class late with an incomplete syllabus and tell students to "stay on top of it." Especially not since that means that people have two fewer days to buy your PDF textbook and only one full day to prepare for your mandatory 1pm on a Tuesday zoom meeting!

Why do you require me to have access to a printer for an online class? Oh yeah it's because you expect me to print out and draw on sections of your $60 ebook.

SIR. No thank you.

Kids, new students: this is a level of bullshit and disorganization from a professor that you do not have to put up with. This is a neatly ordered series of red flags that say "this professor is going to be absolutely unbearable."

Also *any* humanities class where your whole grade is 4 assignments should get serious side-eye. You should be able to pass most 100 level humanities classes by just turning in weekly assignments. 4 assignments means that by the time you figure out how the professor grades you're probably close to halfway through the class. Look for classes that require weekly participation as a major chunk of the grade because that way, even if you fuck up a project in a major way, just showing up can save your ass.

#long post #school #syllabus #grading #assignments #professors #respect #ableism

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chimmy-joos · 7 years ago

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The Proposal part 4 |M|

Description: You’re tired of being alone for years without a boyfriend so you propose a deal to Jimin. Little did you know your little affair will unfold to be more than secret kisses at night.

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Word Count: 12.8K

Tags: Fluff, Smut, Angst yes in that order, oral sex, rough sex

Part 1 2 3

A/N: sorry this took so long I had so much trouble writing this chapter but here it is in its damaged glory :) Enjoy feel free to put a a few words in

"Alright, your assignment is due on the 25th of next month and I expect both a written essay and visual presentation. You'll have time in class to work on it during class, but you also have time outside of class so be sure to occupy that time wisely." The words of your professor went in one ear and out the other as you looked down at your end of the year project in front of you. You were fine with everything because a couple of days of slaving over this project would be fine and you would end it with a nice long bubble bath... if only it wasn't a partner project. And to make matters even worse, your partner just had to be the one man that twisted your entire being into a helix of emotions.

Speaking of the devil, he slid into the seat next to you and your heart jumped in almost a instinctual manner. Your body was just so used to being flustered around him.

"Are you ready for this project?" Namjoon hissed the sarcastic question with a forced smile. Today he was wearing a white, short-sleeved printed dress shirt with tropical flowers all over it and he brought the vibrant shirt together with ripped denim jeans. Typical Namjoon fashion that seemed both thrown together spontaneously and planned out meticulously at the same time.

You sighed deeply and smiled back at him. "Of course I am! I'm so ready for writing a fifteen-page essay on..." you said and looked back on your paper. "The environmental benefits of biotechnology and energy?" You grimaced causing Namjoon to chuckle; eyes curling and dimples prominent as always.

"Well, we're going to be working together so technically you're writing seven and a half pages." He winked. You nodded, taking note of your steady heartbeat. You didn't want to admit the fact the you were losing feelings for Namjoon because he was a good person. An extremely nice and thoughtful person with a girlfriend, you reminded yourself. Now that your feelings for Namjoon were nearly gone, you were able to hold a proper conversation with him. When did you start to lose feelings for Namjoon in the first place? Oh, perhaps when Jimin entered your life and turned it upside down completely.

You walked out of class and took the opportunity to walk outside and enjoy the warm sun. You took the long way back to your apartment with small struts. Summer was approaching and after getting through all of your end of the year assignments and projects, you could finally spend your free time going to parties and hanging out with friends.

Who were you kidding? You'd be spending your time at home and when you weren't at home, working your ass off. Of course your friends invited you out to clubs and parties, but you could never muster up the motivation to go. It didn't sound very appealing to be surrounded by sweaty, horny people that just wanted to get your panties off. But on the other hand, it didn't seem so bad considering you were desperate enough for ask Jimin to have sex with you so why should it matter if it was someone else?

Speaking of the devil, as you walked by the parking lot, you noticed a large group of people that surrounded a flock of cars lined up against the parking lot. They were nice cars and anybody could tell that there were adjustments made to excel at racing and drifting. Tinted and polished windshields, waxed body and shimmering wheels just to flaunt and show off to everyone in the parking lot.

However there was a single car in the midst of them all. A bit dirty compared to the other cars but that was only because the others were just so extravagant and over-the-top. The retro-like car was a baby blue color that was calming to the eyes and matched with the cloudless sky above. The people surrounding consisted of both male and female and it was obvious by the way the females flocked around certain boys that you knew owned the more lavish looking ones.

But there he was, sitting on the hood of his own car looking so uninterested in his surroundings. He was wearing a loose, black, short sleeved shirt that revealed his muscular arms. He wore ripped denim jeans with a lanyard hanging from the front pocket. He sat with a relaxed manner with his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. Around his wrists were tangles of bracelets and even a watch to add an extra bling to his outfit, keeping his tousled hair in place was a black beanie that also flattened his fringe on top of his eyelids. He listened intently to the conversation that was going on in front of him but he didn't engage. He smiled at the jokes and turned his head to the speaker, but never commented on anything. It was very much like him--to listen but to never say anything. To observe but never engage. You always wondered what was on his mind.

You heard your name being yelled from the group and you turned your head to the direction of the voice. Your eyes darted back from the group and to the boy you had been staring at whose eyes were now wide and focused on you. You turned back to the golden-skinned boy that called your name and his wide smile as he waved you over. You walked shyly, conscious of all of their eyes on you.

"Y/N, right?" Taehyung asked with a wide smile. You nodded. "Okay, I didn't want to get it wrong."

"You know her?" One of the girls asked in a high pitched squeak. You made eye contact with one of them and immediately looked away once you saw their stone eyes judging you.

"Yeah, I've met her before." Taehyung replied. You shifted side to side on your feet and suddenly you felt an arm around your shoulder. You were dragged backwards and you glanced back to see Jungkook smirking down at you.

"Well, I'll say this now, you look just as cute as when I first met you." He winked and you tried not to grimace at the cheesy line. You heard a soft snort and your eyes shot down to Jimin who was biting down on his bottom lip to hold back his laugh. He glanced up at you and made brief eye contact before looking away as his shoulders shook from his laugh.

"Perfect timing, Y/N. We were just talking about this party we're having this weekend. Wanna come?" Taehyung inquired and your brows raised upon hearing the cursed word.

"Oh... a party," you breathed. "You know, I'm not a party girl. I'm sure you'd find someone much more interesting to invite than me." You chuckled nervously, trying your best to turn down the invitation. Taehyung rolled his eyes.

"Bull ponies! Just stick with us and you'll have fun! I'm positive!" He exclaimed.

"I think hanging around you is possibly the worst idea ever. You wouldn't want to end up blackout drunk with penises drawn all over your face and whipped cream all in your underwear, would you?" Another man, slightly shorter than both Jungkook and Taehyung spoke his two cents. He had black hair that was gently tousled over his eyes and a cute smile that jerked at his lips, generously flashing his pink gums. You paled at his words. "Not to say that you'll end up like that, but I'm just speaking from personal experience." The man glared at Taehyung who grinned sheepishly in response.

"Let's just say Taehyung isn't the best person to be around when you're drunk." Jungkook chimed in, his grip tightening around your neck.

Taehyung shrugged exaggeratedly, his broad shoulders curled and brows raised high. "What can I say? I like to have fun."

"Well, I will definitely think about it. If my schedule is free, you can bet that I'll be there." You grinned and promptly shook Jungkook's arm off from around your neck. As you were slowly receding away from the group, Jungkook spoke up.

"While you're here, why don't you just come to lunch with us?" He asked, a wide smile that expressed how hard he was trying. It was cute, in a case where you were the one being chased. You tilted your head in response.

"Lunch? Where at?"

"We have a tradition in our group of friends. Every week or so we assign someone to find a new place to eat or just some place to hang out in general. This week is Jimin's turn." Taehyung snickered and tapped his fingers together mischievously. You turned back to Jimin who was smirking back at Taehyung. "Can you do us all a favor and pick a place that doesn't serve live silk worms?"

"I'll redeem myself from last time. There's no way in hell I'm eating those—not even for a hundred bucks." Jimin replied and his body shuddered in disgust from possibly remembering the texture of the silk worms. You couldn't help but chuckle at the way his small nose scrunched up.

"What about a thousand?" You giggled.

"Not for my life, Y/N." Jimin narrowed his eyes at you in a playful manner. Then, he smiled with his eyes squeezing shut and a toothy smile and suddenly the two of you were plunging into your own world where it was only you two. Jimin seemed to have that effect about him.

"Well it was incredibly nice of you guys to invite me, but I'll think I'll pass on lunch. I'll try to make it to the party," you said and started backing away from the group with a smile. "Maybe." You grinned cheekily and turned away, finally allowing your grin to reach its fullest potential. As you were walking away, you heard your name get called again. You whipped around to see Jungkook jogging after you.

"Hey, what's up?" You asked. Jungkook reaches up and scratched the hair at the back of his neck nervously.

"So, you're not going to lunch?" He wanted to clarify. You shook your head.

"Unfortunately, no."

"Well, can I️ at least get your number? I️ would ask Jimin, but I️ figured it'd be much more gentlemanly to ask you in person. How about it?" He smiled innocently. You hadn't seen a smile like that from a guy in a long time. Now they were all... forced with a hint of sexual intent laced within the creases of their lips. Perhaps Jungkook was different than what he portrayed himself as.

"Yeah, of course! Sorry, I know I don't seem like someone who uses the inter-webs that much." You chuckled nervously while you took Jungkook's phone. He watched as you entered in your phone number.

"It's cute." He said. You flashed a glance at him before looking back down and shaking your head in disbelief. You handed the phone back to him.

"I'm flattered. Text me some time." You replied. Jungkook chewed on his bottom lip as he tapped his phone against his chin, not trying to hide his smirk at all.

"I will most definitely text you. Anticipate it." He winked before turned around and jetting back to the group. You shook your head while laughing at Jungkook's silliness. However, it came as unnoticed to you that Jimin was watching the entire exchange between you and Jungkook unfold right before his eyes. All he could do was stare and feel his lungs jump to his throat. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He had no say over what you did in life, so he couldn't simply walk over there and stop you from giving Jungkook your phone number. Your relationship with Jimin was physical, but there was no say that he couldn't fall for you. He just couldn't act on it; he couldn't tell you anything.

He was honestly just a replacement for Namjoon. He was there to provide you with the affection and attention that you wanted and couldn't get from Namjoon, and that was it. There was no room for feelings.

Jimin growled under his breath and jumped off the hood of his car. He slapped the metal hood, catching the attention of his peers.

"Come on, let's move! I don't want to miss their happy hour! It's free pies from 2 to 5!" Jimin yelled and slipped into the driver's seat, revving up the engine. It caused a chain reaction and everyone else let their engines roar loudly as they moved out of the parking lot and onto the streets.

Jungkook texted you that night, almost on the 9:00 dot as if he set an alarm to remind himself to do so. It's a simple greeting, just a hi, its Jungkook to introduce himself. You smile as you read it and again you're thinking of how innocent he is, or how he's portraying himself to be at this moment.

You reply with a hi Jungkook :) what's on the agenda tonight? You were never amazing at starting a conversation or better yet holding one, but you owe Jimin for shedding away the layers of anxiety and exposing you to so many things. You're not afraid to do things anymore because you've already done them with Jimin.

Jungkook [9:02]: currently slaving over this project. And here I thought education was optional

You laughed out loud while reading his response.

You [9:02]: youre the one who paid for college

Jungkook [9:03]: ugh dont remind me

He replied with a string of groaning emojis afterwards. You were relieved to see that Jungkook didn't show a single hint of ulterior motives, if he had any at all. The next thing you knew, you were up until 12 in the morning texting Jungkook about who knows what. Come to think of it, this is the first guy you’ve texted since your ventures with Jimin. Has having sex with Jimin been paying off? Maybe, hopefully, now, you looked like a different woman in the eyes of others.

It's amazing how your life could align so perfectly with the universe, as if it's leading you in the right direction. On the night of the party, you found out you had to work. A simple six hour shift just to help out in case they were busy, but for some mystically, odd reason, they let you take the night off. Now look where that got you. Sitting in your apartment debating on which dress you should wear to the party.

It was a stand off between a classy navy blue, sequined dress with an exposed back or a tight fitting red dress with lattice spaghetti straps on the back. You wished your roommate was there to make the decision for you because she had such a greater understanding of fashion than you and could plan her outfits like a model. Now, you had to resort to mumbling eeny-meeny-miny-mo under your breath and finally deciding on the beautiful red ensemble.

You showed up to the frat house that was already booming with music and bustling with drunk college students. You stepped out of your cab, warm, summer heat brushed against your neck and you had an unsettling feeling in your stomach that this heat would not be good for you later on in the night. It was just a hunch, but it made you want to slip back into the cab car and retreat home. You would've done so if you hadn't seen Taehyung and another young man—both completely shirtless—swinging from side-to-side while laughing wildly, their outfit complete with a beer bottle in both of their hands. Your hands went up to gasp along with most of the bystanders onlooking this bizarre scene. You quickly covered your face in embarrassment and rushed towards the house to escape the scene.

The humidity of the inside of the house was absolutely horrid and you should've known from the sea of people in the downstairs living room. You blew out an exhausted breath and headed towards the kitchen to grab a drink. It was to your complete inattention that as you stormed around the house, plenty of eyes were following you and the way you filled out the dress to a T. You were too busy focused on drowning your stomach with alcohol that you didn't seem to notice.

You snatched an unopened bottle of beer as you peered over the sea of people to find at least one person you knew well enough to talk to. Joy might've been here, but she didn't say anything about attending so she was out of the question. Namjoon was most likely with his girlfriend, not like you cared all that much anymore. Jimin... Jimin must've been with his car clique and they were most likely outside talking about each other's cars or inside doing keg stands.

As a last resort, you reached for your phone to call up Jimin and see where he was. You felt bad for following him around like his shadow, but he was the only one that you felt comfortable around.

"Hello?" Jimin answered quite loudly. You could hear bumping music behind his voice as well as the drunk screams of other people. He was here.

"Hey, where are you?" You asked in the same loud voice to make sure he heard you correctly.

"I'm downstairs, hold on let me go to you. Stay on the phone." He said and you could hear the cries of the voices die out as Jimin escaped the scene. You wondered why your heart was beating at that moment, knowing that you would soon be with Jimin. You bit your lip in an attempt to keep your excitement to a minimum.

Then, you felt someone press against your back. You gasped when you felt hands slither up your side and you went down to slap it away, but the person caught it.

Hey," the soothing voice whispered into the shell of your ear and the same voice reverberated in your ears You felt your shoulders drop in relief, but the man still gripped your wrist tightly. "It's just me."

You didn't even have to hear his name. You were able to tell who it was by just his voice. Just his voice... and the way his rough jeans rubbed against the underside of your dress. You shuddered and your eyes fluttered close.

"Jimin..." you warned. You could still feel his breath close to his ear and even when he was behind you, you could smell his strong cologne and shampoo that penetrated your nose and sent chills down your back. You arched your spine against Jimin and rubbed your ass against Jimin's crotch. His hand left your wrist and trailed from your neck ever so slowly down to your lower back. Jimin's hand rest on top of your ass as if he was teasing you. You just wanted him to cup your ass and squeeze your breasts and even scratch up your back and slap your ass until it was burning red and suck on your neck until you were bruised up. But here wasn't the place. Not with so many people around.

Jimin pulled his hand away when he heard a loud laugh pass by him. He turned away, but not after squeezing your hip. This was how it was supposed to be: to act like strangers in public but in private, behind closed curtains and slow, rocking music, the two of you were lovers.

Scratch that. You could picture yourself with him. You pictured driving all night long trying to find new places to watch the sun rise or set depending on when you departed. You pictured sleeping next to him at night, all snug closely with his arm around your waist and his hand raking through your hair. You imagined laying on his chest while he watched tv and falling asleep to his steady, rhythmic breathing. You imagined spending time in the kitchen together, both of you trying to decipher a recipe because neither of you were great at cooking but it was an experience you wanted to go through with him. You imagined coming home from work tired and grumpy and him calming you down with a nice cup of tea and a session of venting and just listening to your rants. You imagined going on endless dates, spontaneously, because you had grown accustomed to sudden adventures since being with him. To ride the Ferris wheel together but you would be clinging to the pole or his arm because you couldn't bear to look down. And Jimin being the jokester that he was would shake the cart and you would scold him, but he would just laugh it off and pull you closer. You wanted to try new foods with him, and to find new places, and to do new things. You wanted Jimin to change you and little did you know that he had already done so long when you two first met.

But it was unrealistic, so to speak. Jimin lived in a different world than you, associated with people you could never picture yourself relating to, with their fancy cars and unfamiliar jargon. Surrounded by women all the time, but he agreed to satisfy you and your selfishness. You never knew why he agreed—perhaps he was just bored(the thought made your heart ache so you rarely thought on it) or maybe, just maybe... he felt something towards you. But that was unrealistic as well. And you couldn't seem to see it as true. Because you were you, and he was he, and the two of you would've never crossed paths in any other universe.

You realized you were standing frozen in the middle of the kitchen as Jimin hovered his hand over your shoulder like a gentleman with a worried look in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah! Yes, I'm fine," you blushed harder the longer you kept rambling. "Sorry, I kind of zoned out there, didn't I?"

Jimin's eyes darted to your hip where his devious little hands were just placed at. He raised a brow. "I didn't expect you to get that aroused." He said and giggled as you pulled back a punch on him while muttering a shut up. "What were you thinking about?"

Your brain ran through a list of a million things to say before landing on, "I was trying to remember how to breathe in this dress." You mentally slapped yourself. Really? You couldn't have said something like I was trying to find a way home or I wish you didn't stop your hands.

Jimin scanned your body once more, his eyes catching every square inch of skin exposed underneath that beautiful dress. He clenched his jaw in order for it not to fall to the ground. "It looks great, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Thanks," you smiled sheepishly and noticed the beer bottle in Jimin's hand. "No D.D. tonight?"

He chuckled. "Hey, I want to have fun too," he said and took a swig. "Speaking of fun, come downstairs with me. They're playing beer pong and Yoongi's team is murdering the other guys." He said and before taking your hand and dragging you back to where Jimin emerged from. He led you to the basement, which wasn't creepy at all and in fact was decked out in colorful Christmas lights and posters and sports banners that covered the walls. In the middle of the basement was a long, white table that Jimin's friends laid out and decorated with red solo cups and small shots that lined the edge of the table.

"How cute," you laughed as Jimin handed you a shot off that he poured off to the side. You bottomed out, hissing as you felt the burning alcohol slide down your throat.

"Alright! Y/N is ready to par-tay!" Taehyung appeared out of no where to exclaim. His shirt was bundled up around his neck leaving his chest and stomach bare and his snapback was tilted on his head, only emphasizing on how completely wasted he was. You laughed at his ridiculous appearance while Jimin face-palmed himself.

"You have no idea how long it took for us to get him off the balcony. This man is drinking away his problems tonight." Jimin laughed and watched as Taehyung started chugging his bottle of beer. You winced at how much alcohol was in his system right now.

"I hope he'll be alright." You worried with a frown. Jimin waved off your worries with a flutter of his hands.

"Don't worry about him. What's amazing is that he'll be up in the morning like none of it even happened," he laughed and gestured towards the L-shaped couch, settled just underneath the neat arrangement of sports banners. "Come sit with me." He said and you followed him to the couch, fixing your dress by pulling it down before sitting down.

"You know, I don't know how you can wear dresses like that. It looks great, but incredibly uncomfortable." Jimin's face contorted in discomfort just imagining squeezing his body in a dress like that.

"Oh please, you can't talk about my dress when you're the one wearing those super tight jeans. Let your balls breathe." You giggled and smoothed your hand over Jimin's exposed knee through his ripped jeans. He reached for your hand and pulled it so you were resting it on his thigh as he flexed it. You gasped at his sudden movement and then felt his breath fan against your neck. You couldn't imagine what the two of you looked like right now—both of your hands placed right on his muscular thigh and his face buried in your neck.

"You know it looks good." He whispered and pulled away, taking the warmth of his hand wrapped around yours along with it. Jimin leaned back against the couch with a smug smirk on his lips which he rolled the rim of his beer bottle along his thick lips just to emphasis his kittenish intentions. You narrowed your eyes at him through your blush.

"You're a little devil." You sneer.

"I know," he laughed. "I hope you've warmed up. I signed us up next for beer pong."

"What? Jimin, I can't! I'm terrible at beer pong." You exclaim, but he only shrugs cheekily.

"Well then, I guess we'll have to find a way to drink all these shots." He grinned at you, his mouth stretching into his rosy cheeks.

Before you can mentally prepare yourself, Jimin and you are standing across from Jungkook and the man which everyone seemed to be talking about but you can finally put a name to his face, Yoongi. The same blacked haired man that spoke to you earlier that week.

"Really, Jimin? Bringing a rookie to battle against the dynamic duo, YoonKook?" Jungkook tossed the ping pong ball into the air and caught it smoothly. Both Yoongi and Jungkook leaned back into each other while throwing up a pose and you couldn't help but burst out in laughter.

"If you're YoonKook, then we're..." Jimin glanced at you and you stared back at him as he pondered. "We'll be Bonnie and Clyde." He said, smiling back at the duo across the table from him.

"Boo, unoriginal." Yoongi called out from the other side. Jimin glared at him and you felt the warmth of his hand against your back. You nearly jumped at the sensation, but managed not to look so startled.

"Say whatever you want. You guys are so going to eat shit." Jimin sneered and raised the ping pong ball in his as Jungkook rose his. The two tossed the balls at the same time; Jungkook's slid in perfectly into one of the cups on the side and Jimin's bounced off the one right at the end. Jungkook whooped out loud and fist pumped Yoongi while Jimin cursed under his breath. He reached for two shot glasses that were lined up on the edge of the table and handed one to you, giving you an apologetic look.

"I'm still warming up." He clinked his shot glass against yours and you bottomed the drink while glaring at him.

"Maybe having you as a partner was a bad idea." You said through a hiss. Jimin managed a bright smile through his scrunched up nose.

"If I go down, I'm taking you with me. No if, ands, or buts. You're coming with me."

The game continued on and surprisingly, you were carrying the team. There was a few mistakes and blunders here and there where you didn't take a major penalty, but so far you've evaded clearing the table of shots. Jungkook and Yoongi were both impressed at your beginner's luck, but nothing beats how hilarious Jimin looks making laps the basement, whooping loudly every time you make it into a cup.

"Oh my god, Y/N, you're going to make me go into cardiac arrest." Jimin places a hand on his chest as he watches Jungkook aim at your cups. Jungkook only had a cup to make while you had two. It wasn't much besides the fact that there were stakes at the table. If you made the two cups and Jungkook didn't make his, he and Yoongi would have to drink the remaining shots. The same applied to you and Jimin if you didn't make this shot.

"Why did you make that bet?" You groan in agony. Jimin's hands went up in a surrendering pose.

"I only brought up the idea!" He snapped back. You don't reply because you're too focused on Jungkook and how he positions his hand to dunk the ball right into the cup. There's a pause and Jungkook flicks his wrist. It seems everyone's eyes are following the ping pong ball as it flies straight towards the cup. You inhale sharply, already envisioning yourself pouring back all those shots down your throat and being completely gone for the rest of the night.

There's a loud pink! as the ping pong ball bounces off the front rim of the cup. Jungkook grunts in frustration and clenches his fists as he whips his body away from the table and curses. You exhale quickly as relief crashes into you. Now your anxiety levels were at its peak and you knew you had to make this.

"Deep breaths, Y/N. You can do this." Jimin coached from beside you. You nod, twirling the ping pong ball in your fingers. It's just a matter of getting the right trajectory and angle, but even that seems impossible under the eyes of so many watching you. You just want to say, fuck it, and toss the ball randomly, but at the same time the desire to win is much too strong.

You hold your breath as you throw the ball and all eyes follow it like a tennis match. It bounces off the rim of the cup in the back and your eyes bulge so wide they feel like they're going to pop right out of their sockets. Then, as if the universe decided to grant you a special miracle, the ball bounced right into the second cup. There's a split second of silence where everyone comprehends what just happened and then the entire basement loses their shit.

You're still frozen in shock as Jimin slithers his arms around your waist and hoists you into the air, twirling you around while cheering drunkenly. Realization settles in slowly and the same time a grin stretches across your cheeks.

"Did that really happen?" You ask, your body still tingling from the adrenaline rush. Jimin still held you in the air, gripping your hips so you wouldn't slip down.

"Holy shit, you're amazing! I can't believe you just did that!" He exclaims before finally setting your feet on the floor. You turn to Jungkook and Yoongi who gloom over the table as they pick up a shot glass in each hand; Yoongi gave Jungkook a murderous glare before dumping the shots down his throat. Jungkook does the same and they both hiss simultaneously, looking around for some sort of chaser. You felt bad for laughing when Jungkook rushes to the nearest trash can to vomit.

You lost track of time while hanging out with Jungkook, not Jimin. He was too busy fighting with this man named Seokjin over what song to play. Jungkook sat with you in the couch, his body turned to you as he went off about getting new turbos for his FRS. Whenever you gave him a confused look with knit brows and uneasy smile, he would pause his rambling and explain to you what he was talking about.

"So, you're into cars. You seem super passionate about it." You said after he was finished. Jungkook shrugged his shoulders and circled the rim of his water bottle (he was done with alcohol for the night) over his bottom lip.

"I wasn't at first. I just liked how cars looked and then I started pimping out my own car."

"Seems like a lot of work."

"Yeah, you could say that. I wouldn't consider it work since I love it so much," he said and glanced sideways at you. "I would love to take you on a ride sometime."

You purse your lips and laugh. "We can talk about that when you're sober."

"I will be! Tomorrow, for sure. In fact, let's make it a group activity! I'll call up the guys and we can drive out to the sand dunes or something. Have you been to the sand dunes?" Jungkook said. You shook your head, a silly smile was on your lips as you listened to his passionate rant. "You haven't? You have to! Oh yes! This is gonna be so cool!" He exclaimed and stood up, cupping his hands around his mouth.

"Hey guys!" He shouted over the music. Everyone's heads turned to him. "Sand dunes tomorrow, 7 o'clock!" He said and everyone yelled back a yeah! in response or didn't respond at all and went back to their prior activities. Jungkook sat back down with a satisfied smile. "They know."

"I'll be looking forward to seeing those sand dunes since you're regarding them so highly. This will affect your grade greatly." You marrow your eyes at him playfully. Jungkook takes a breath and bites his lip to restrain himself. There's a giddy tingling in his chest as he sits with you. Talking with you. You're like, and he quotes from a book he once read, a breath of fresh air. You were definitely fresher than the scent of burning asphalt that he was so used to.

"I'll be upfront with you, I never expected you to be this easy to talk to." Jungkook said, leaning back on the couch and draping his arm over the back so he could be a bit closer to you. He flashed a loose smile. "I'm glad we can finally talk."

"Likewise. I'm glad you asked me for my number." You replied with a warm smile.

This was it. This was his chance.

"So," Jungkook cleared his throat and leaned in. "Are you free later on tonight? We could totally catch a cab and—"

Before Jungkook could finish, your head turned at the sound of your name being called. Jimin starts walking towards you, his face unreadable but his broad steps told you a whole bunch. He stopped in front of you, toes nearly touching yours.

Jimin glances between you and Jungkook, his gaze hardening on Jungkook just a bit longer before returning his eyes to you. "Hey, are you busy right now?"

"Um..." you glanced between Jungkook and Jimin with wide eyes and your mouth stammered to say something. "N-No, we were just—" you said when Jimin intervened with a way too flashy smile.

"Great! Do you want to take a walk with me? A walk sounds great right now." He reached for our hand and pulled you off of the couch. His eyes scanned your body in the red dress once again and he frowned. "You can wear my jacket. Let's go." He said and didn't look back at Jungkook as he headed towards the stairs. You on the other hand, the one with the bigger heart, turned back to Jungkook and creased your brows in a silent apology.

Jungkook waved you off with a sideways smile, not even having the heart to go after you. Not because you weren't worth it, but because you were and Jungkook was so envious that you were head over heels in love with Jimin. Anybody could tell by the way you looked at Jimin the entire night, how you spoke to him compared to when you speak to Jimin—all smiles and light giggles. It's how quickly you intertwine your hands into his as if it was a mold fit just for you. Although Jimin shared the same interest in cars as Jungkook did, the way you listen to Jimin talk about cars is different with him. Jungkook knew that he could never be that guy for you.

Jimin shouldered his way to the front door and his hand clenched yours as if he's afraid you were going to fly away. Before exiting the house, Jimin turned around and slipped his jacket off of his shoulders before throwing it over your back. He didn't even take one glance at you as his face was stone cold—an expression that you deducted only appeared when he was irritated about something. The last time you had seen it was when he found out someone hit the bumper of his car and didn't find out who it was. Jimin's silent rage sent chills down your body and you sometimes couldn't find yourself breathing.

"Jimin?" You called out in a hushed voice as he walked you further away from the noise of the party. He didn't turn around and his iron grip around your hand didn't get lighter either. You pressed your lips together. "Jimin, my feet hurt."

At that, Jimin stopped in his tracks and turned around with wide eyes, as if he had just woken up from a nightmare. He let go of your hand and immediately got onto his knees.

"Shit, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize." He stammered back an apology and started to slip off your heels. You sighed in relief at your Jimin coming back to his senses. It was like his anger has dissipated and his gentle touch returned.

"You okay?" You asked after a few claps of silence. Jimin peered up at you and locked his soft eyes onto yours. He didn't reply, but there was the faintness of a smile on his lips. "What's on your mind?"

He huffed as he got back on his feet with your pumps in his hands. Jimin shook his head slowly. "Just... things." He answeeed vaguely, leaving you frowning deeply.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You asked and started walking barefooted on the street. Jimin watches you walking for a few seconds, eyes trained on your bare feet before he slipped off his shoes as well and started walking beside you, slowing his pace down to match yours.

"I don't think it's that important anymore," He smiled.

Why doesn't he ever talk about himself?

You just wish he could open up to you, like you have to him. You spilled all of your secrets and deepest emotions to Jimin and he can't even tell you what's on his mind. "How was your night? Did you have fun?"

Typical Jimin changing the subject with so much ease. You went along with him. "So much fun. Call me crazy, but I think of getting the hang of these so-called college parties." You giggle and Jimin laughs out loud.

"You think so? Don't underestimate them too much. You haven't seen the worst of it yet. Are you tired of walking? I can carry you if you want." He stops and bends down into a piggy-back position. You laugh and shake your head.

"No, no, I'm fine."

"You sure? You're not that heavy, I can carry you for a few more blocks."

You roll your eyes and pull his hand for him to stand up. You continue your usual pace, but now your hand is in his. "This," You said and swing your interlocked hands. "This is just fine."

A smile spreads across Jimin's mouth as he mouths an okay. The two of you are silent for a minute as you bathe in the warmth of each other's hands. There doesn't need to be a conversation or any sexual act to happen for you to feel connected with Jimin. Just him being in your thoughts, his presence is all you need and you realize just how much you love him. You steal a glance at Jimin and catch him looking ahead; the passing street lights illuminate his black hair in a yellow glow before blending back into the shadows.

You squeeze his hand to get his attention and he immediately looks over to you. "Hm?"

"Why don't you talk about yourself?" You really want to ask about what he was thinking about earlier, but with his stubbornness, you know the conversation won't get anywhere no matter how much you beg. Jimin laughs in disbelief and let's his shoulders sag.

"I'm not interesting enough."

"I think you're plenty interesting." You said.

"There's not much to say. Some things are better left unsaid."

"Like what?" You ask and Jimin glances at you. "Tell me, please." You say it like a statement rather than a question because you know Jimin is quick to dodge any request.

"Like..." he purses his lip in thought. "Like how douchebag-y Jungkook was being tonight. His face just looked very punchable." Jimin said and clenched his free hand into a fist. You laughed and threw your head back.

"Is that what was on your mind earlier? How badly you wanted to punch Jungkook?" Your loud cackle slowly turned into periodic giggles. "Well, since we're spilling secrets right now, I have a confession to make." You stated proudly, raising your chin to the star speckled night sky.

"Oh?" Jimin quirked a brow.

You took a deep breath. "I have officially lost feelings for Namjoon."

"Really?" Jimin sounded skeptical, so you nodded. "Are you sure?"

"I'm absolutely, 100%, positive that I no longer have feelings for Kim Namjoon." You restated. Jimin nodded in approval.

"Well, congratulations. I was wondering how long I had to listen to you crying all night over how much he doesn't deserve his girlfriend." Jimin snickered and you shoved his arm. "I'm kidding. I'm glad you've moved on. Namjoon is stupid for not noticing a girl like you."

"Yeah, but that's his job as a loyal boyfriend." You shrug and swing your arm once again. You glance at Jimin. "What else is on your mind?" You tried to take advantage of Jimin's vulnerable mind and get him to answer. Maybe in his tipsy state, he can open up. You wonder why he stays so silent about everything. He purses his lip in thought.

"One, you're surprisingly amazing at beer pong."

"Beginners luck." You humbly mutter under your breath.

"Two, I just wish Jungkook would try and warm up to you again. Gives me a reason to punch his face in." Jimin snarled and you squeezed his hand as if to scold him. He laughed off your cute threat and continued.

"Three..." Jimin slowed to a halt and you turned your body to face him. He held your hand with an outstretched arm and smoothed his thumb over your knuckles. His face was darkened by the shadow cast by a nearby tree, but you could make out him biting luscious lips. He looked like he wanted to say something—right on the tip of his tongue. You inhaled sharply. Say it. Please just say it.

"I think you look really beautiful in this dress." Jimin's eyes raise to lock in with yours. There's a moment of comfortable silence that settles in the space between you and Jimin. Only the sound of the summer wind rustling through the leaves is present; the booming bass of the party is long gone and now it's just you two. You wish you can stay like this forever. With Jimin, you're not afraid of anything. Not of the potential cars that could run you over as you stand in the middle of the street nor the fast beating of your heart that made you think you were having a heart attack.

"Thank you," it was all you could say. Jimin squeezed your hand and dropped his gaze. The breakage of eye contact nearly shattered your heart if Jimin hadn't squatted down and pulled you onto his back. You fell with a oof and quickly wrapped your arms around his neck. Jimin started sprinting down the road.

"Let's go find a taxi." He said running through the grid of houses to find the main road.

"What? Why?" You asked; the houses whizzed past you.

"I just had the really bad urge to kiss you but I know I won't be able to stop there." Jimin said without looking back at you. Your face flushed at his bluntness. You buried your face in Jimin's neck and tightened your arms around his neck. You hoped he found the main road quickly.

The only contact Jimin had with you during the taxi ride was holding your hand idly while stroking your knuckles. He looked outside the window, clenching and unclenching his jaw as he rolled his tongue inside his mouth.

It wasn't until you reached the elevator in your apartment when Jimin's lips and hands were all over you; nimble hands stroked your curves like Jimin was trying to feel your skin through the dress. He had you pinned against the elevator doors while his lips ravished yours, sucking out any amount of alcohol that was left on your tongue. He tasted like sweet beer and cinnamon gum. His cologne was strong and intoxicating and left your legs tingling as you tried to find stable ground. It seemed nearly impossible with Jimin fighting for every square inch of your skin.

"Fuck, can these doors open any slower?" He slammed his hand on the elevator door while leaning in to kiss you again; his front teeth knocked against yours but the clumsiness was the least of your worries. Then elevator doors finally opened and you and Jimin fell in. He pushed you up against the elevator walls and he continued to kiss you until the elevator doors closed. You realized that you had still to press the button to get to your floor.

"Jimin," You said and pulled away for a short moment to stumble for the elevator button. Jimin was peppering your neck with kisses and he was shamelessly pressing his erection against your thigh. You didn't point it out or pay any physical attention to it because teasing Jimin like this was kind of fun.

"Come on, come on," he muttered into your neck in an aggravated tone. You didn't know if he was talking about the elevator or you, but either way, Jimin took your face in his hands and pulled you in for a deeper kiss. Still buried underneath Jimin's weight as he pressed you against the elevator wall. His hands traveled from your face down to smooth his hands over your breasts before sliding down to cup your ass.

It happened in a split second, but the next thing you knew, your legs were wrapped around Jimin's waist as you were up against the wall.

Jimin's kisses were hot—so hot—like smooches of ember that danced throughout your body and mixed with the warmth of the alcohol inside of you. His lips moved to kiss the valley between your breasts. Jimin was shamelessly rubbing his crotch against the inside of your thigh. You peek through one eye and see the elevator doors open. Gosh, how long had they been open?

You gasped when you pulled away from Jimin and pressed your forehead against his. "We have to go Jimin, or else someone is gonna see us." You panted. Jimin chewed on his lower lip.

"Let them see, I wanna keep kissing you." Jimin growled and scraped his teeth along your collarbone up your neck before sucking on the soft skin just beneath your ear. You but back a moan and finally managed to push Jimin away from you. You narrowed your eyes at him.

"Wait until the bedroom." You demanded. Jimin's tongue lined his lower lip with his tongue as his lustfully dark eyes followed your ass as you walked out of the elevator and to your apartment.

"Yes ma'am." He smirked. You reached your apartment door and you were honestly surprised you even got the key into the lock with Jimin's demanding eyes burning holes into you. It just showed how much he wanted to get your clothes off of your body. You finally got the door open and as if on cue, Jimin swept in and placed his lips back onto yours, kissing and shuffling around the apartment to get to your room.

You reached your room and Jimin slammed the door shut before pushing you up against the door. You didn't have time to worry about the possibility of your roommate being home as you tore off Jimin's jacket, his shirt, his belt—every piece of clothing until he was just left in his boxers. you smoothed your hand over his toned biceps that held you up with so much security. It just felt right.

Jimin on the other hand, took his sweet time taking off your dress. One, he didn't want to rip the gorgeous gown and risk getting scolded by you and two, you just looked incredible in it and knowing you and your hatred of fancy dresses, this appearance would only show itself once in a blue moon. He wanted to savor every last second of you in that dress before taking it off.

The dress fell onto the floor in a pool of blood red and you were left in your bra and underwear. They weren't the cutest lingerie you owned, but then again you weren't expecting to go home with Jimin tonight either. If this was planned, you might've picked something cuter or even sexier to wear. You shadowed your hand over your cleavage and blushed.

"Stop staring." You whispered. Jimin laughed and took your hand in his, squeezing it softly.

"There's no way I can." He said and leaned in to kiss you, this time it was soft and gentle. The plumpness of his lips were like pillows that were now reddened and bruised from all the kissing. Slowly, Jimin walked you over to the bed before sitting down. You were standing in between Jimin's legs; his hands held your waist as Jimin kissed down your body. From your neck to your collarbone, down to cup your breasts and kiss right over your heart. If only he could feel how fast it was beating right now.

Jimin's trained hands moved up your spine and un-clipped your bra; the gentleness of his touch sent chills up and down your spine. You shuddered and dug your nails into his shoulders as your bra fell off your chest. Now, Jimin was seriously staring. His hooded eyes were wide as they took in the sight in front of him. Jimin's hand slowly rose to caress your perked nipple. You pressed your lips together and moaned. He planted a soft kiss on your breast before traveling down your stomach.

Jimin's hand that had un-clipped the bra was now lining the soft skin under your panties. He skillfully slipped two fingers—his ring and middle finger—under your warm slit and grazed over your clit. Your body jerked forward from the sudden sensation.

"Woah," you gasped. Jimin chuckled and pecked your cheek.

"Too much?"

You shook your head, letting your hair fall in front of your face. "Not enough. Give me more." You replied. Jimin licked the corners of his mouth and dipped his fingers deeper inside of you. The feeling of Jimin's fingers spreading you open was like a slow, pleasurable burn. Like he was kindling a fire deep within you. He started moving his fingers inside of you and a deeper moan left you.

"Mm, yeah. Right there, baby..." You whispered. Jimin bit back a smirk and complied to your request, rubbing the pads of his finger over your most sensitive spots. His fingers were the perfect length to hit your g-spot; you could've come from him just fingering you, but the devilish man would never be satisfied with just that.

Jimin slid his fingers all the way inside of you, stretching out your tight hole and you threw your head black and moaned aloud. You tightened around his digits. "Fuck baby, it's so good!"

"Yeah, you wanna come for me? Come all over my fingers baby." Jimin began thrusting his fingers in and out of your wet hole. He rubbed his thumb over the hood of your clit and pleasure shot through you; your entire body stiffened from the intense sensation that ran through your body. Your jaw dropped and you slowly tipped backwards as the strength in your body left you hastily. With his free hand Jimin reached around you and held your waist to keep you from falling. His fingers slipped out from your slippery hole and your body convulsed from the sudden removal of his fingers.

"Ohhh fuck!" You squeaked. Jimin slid his fingers out of you slowly, your body twitched from the absence of his warm fingers, and he kissed you on the cheek.

"Sorry baby," he apologized, but there was something about the glint in his eyes that told you he didn't feel bad about it at all. He stuck his fingers in his mouth and licked your juices off of them, taking them out with a resounding popping sound. You flushed and shoved Jimin's bare chest in embarrassment.

"Don't be weird." You laughed. The way Jimin smiled threw your heart into a downward spiral—doing all sorts of flips and jumps like it was some trapeze artist. How could someone be so beautiful?

You placed your hand on Jimin's chest and pushed him down slowly as you climbed over him. "Oh?" Jimin raised his brows in curiosity. You straddled your legs over Jimin's thighs and pressed your fingers into his stomach. "Well, this is a surprise." He hummed in amusement and he wrapped his arms behind his head as he watched you. Jimin's tongue stuck out idly from inside of his mouth and he looked like he wanted to eat you up all over again.

"Let me lead this time." You bit your lip while grinding on Jimin's thigh. His jaw dropped and his hands went up as if to grab your hips, but he stopped himself short.

"Yes. God fucking yes, do whatever you want, babygirl." He moaned and threw his head back. You smiled widely and slipped your fingers underneath his waistband to slide his underwear down his legs. Jimin's hard cock was flattened against his stomach with a pool precum. You dipped your fingers in the precum before sliding your fingertips along Jimin's shaft. His entire body shuddered under your touch.

"God dammit." He cursed through clenched teeth. Suddenly, Jimin realized that having you lead automatically put him in a submissive position, something he was definitely not used to. It was always him that was in control. You swirled your thumb over his frenulum and Jimin's body jerked. He bucked his hips just slightly before falling back into the mattress. You wrapped your hand around the head of his penis in punishment—a small gasp caught in his throat.

"Such a needy little boy..." You cooed with pouted lips. Jimin's clenched his jaw and didn't say a word. He laid back to watch you work while his eyes went dark and dripping with lust. He loves the feeling of your soft hands wrapped around his cock, stroking it so gently but it felt so good, Jimin couldn't tell if he was dreaming or not. A pretty girl like you jerking him off seems like something straight out of Jimin's more... wetter night voyeurs—though his dreams have become more than a reality now.

"Come on baby—" he grunted in pleasure. "—I know you want to ride me and much as I do, so just let me fuck you already." Jimin bit his lip and nibbled on it. You ignored his pleads and continued to stroke his cock steadily, changing the force of your grip as you tightened your fists when you got to the tip. Jimin's shameless whines and sharp hisses resounded loudly throughout the room. His head was pressed hard against the mattress and he gripped the bed sheets with fists so tight his knuckles were a ghostly white.

"Oh fuck, that's gonna make me cum," Jimin moaned sinfully and raised his head to look at you. You would not be exaggerating if you said Jimin's dark eyes didn't strike a chord within you—you could barely see the brights of his eyes from how low his gaze was on you. Jimin's chest heaved in an unsteady rhythm and his lips parted every now and then to allow a deep moan to vibrate his throat.

"Yes, cum for me." You licked your lips, restraining yourself from going down and taking Jimin into your mouth no matter how delicious the tip of his dick looked. You stroked Jimin once from the base and back up to the tip. Jimin's breath hitched and the next thing you knew, he was cumming all over your fingers.

"Fuck, fuck! Yeah, keep stroking my dick baby. Ohhh my fucking god...shit!" Expletives spewed from his mouth as he simultaneously climaxed. The first spurt of cum landed on your chin and startled you, but you continued to stroke him off, allowing his cum to spatter his toned stomach. Jimin could barely stifle his moans with you touching his sensitive member, but he tried his best. You could tell by the veins in his neck that pressed against his skin and his clenched jaw that could cut.

You released your hold on his cock and let the twitching member lay thickly on his stomach. Jimin took a second to catch his breath—shaky and breathy it was—as his legs spread apart to allow some breathing room for his overly-sensitive cock.

In Jimin's silence, you took the time to clean your face of Jimin's spontaneous release and slipped your creamed fingers into your mouth, sucking off his cum. You were startled to see Jimin watching you with wide, almost bewildered eyes as you licked off your fingers.

"What?" You asked shyly. Jimin licked his lips as well and sat up, his dick already semi-hard again.

"That was fucking hot. Can you do that again?" He asked with a smirk. You nearly laughed.

"What was? Me cleaning off your cum or you cumming on my face?" You narrowed your eyes condescendingly. Jimin's mouth stretched into a smirk—sneaky like the Cheshire Cat right before he disappears.

"Both," He said before kissing you. You close your eyes and let yourself melt under Jimin's lips. Slowly, Jimin gets up from the bed, his lips sill planted firmly on yours as he walks around the bed. He grabs your hips and pulls you until your ass is off the bedside. Jimin ran his hand over your smooth thigh, easing your legs back to expose your pussy—still wet from your prior orgasm.

Jimin rubbed the length of his shaft over your slit with his thumb pressed at the base. You got excited at the slight pleasure of his cock rubbing over the hood of your clit. "Gonna fuck you," he mumbled under his breath. "Fuck you so hard you can't remember anything but my name." Jimin directed thw tip to your entrance, catching some of your juices as lube before sliding in all the way to the base in one thrust.

"Ah..." you moaned and rest your head against the mattress; you were so full and Jimin reached so deep inside of you. Your body molded to fit around him perfectly. Jimin stayed inside of you for an while, simply reveling in your warmth. No matter how many times he fucks you, you still stay so tight around him. Like it's your first time all over again.

Jimin leaned forward and kissed you again. That's right, you entrusted Jimin with your purity and that meant a whole lot more to Jimin that you may have thought. It meant more than just sex to him. It was a bond.

"Baby," You whined under him. "M-Move, please..." You said almost desperately. Jimin hadn't realized he was still deep inside of you. Slowly, he retracted his hips and slid back into you. His thrusts were slow now, but in a few moments, they would pick up speed and he would be slamming into you without a second thought. And you loved it.

"F-Faster," you pleaded with a moan.

"Already?" Jimin chuckled and placed his hand over your naval, pressing down slightly with his thumb over your clit. "But I wanna take my time with you baby girl. Make you cum over and over. Yeah?" He grunted and agonizingly bottomed out. You let out a loud moan.

"I-I wanna cum, Jimin..." You whined, pulling back your legs to expose yourself more. Jimin smirked and his hips moved a little faster. How could he say no when you ask so nicely?

"You will. Eventually." He said and rubbed your clit while thrusting into you. The rhythm of his thrusts were steady and he went so deep every time. He always pulled out until just the tip was inside of you before sliding back in until his balls were pressed against your ass. An itch formed just beneath your stomach, the first signs of your orgasm that was approaching by the second, by every thrust.

"Oh, Jimin! Please—please, please, please go faster. I need to cum—oh fuck yes!" You screamed, your pussy clenching around Jimin. He grunted from the sudden tightness and pulled out. You gasped. The pleasure was ripped away from you so quickly that you clenched around nothing.

"W-Wh—" You stammered to ask why. Jimin hissed while rubbing himself over your slit. He leaned in and kissed you, sucking on your lower lip.

"Don't cum yet." He growled over your lips. He dragged his hand along your smooth neck before latching onto your shoulder. Jimin straightened himself and slid himself back into you and god, it almost felt too good. Your eyes rolled back and fluttered closed; your entire body aflame from this addictive feeling.

His thrusts picked up and he was pounding into you so hard you could barely breathe. You could feel every ridge of Jimin's cock that filled you deeply. Only Jimin could hit every single one of your sweet spots like he was throwing darts at a giant wheel. It was just too easy. Before you knew it, you were already unraveling underneath him. Heat blossomed through your body in dynamic increments—every wave crashing into you it felt like you were going to pass out.

Jimin pulled out of you with a wet, squelching sound and jerked himself off to release some pent-up sexual frustration. He stood at the edge of the bed with his erectness tall. He looked down at you sprawled out on the bed—both of you panting in exhaustion.

"Baby..." Jimin moaned and caressed his hand over your knee with such gentleness, you wondered if he was the same guy that was saying he was going to make you cum over and over. "Turn over for me."

You whined in a high pitched voice. "I'm tired..." You said and Jimin chuckled darkly.

"You want me to do it by force? 'Cause I will, princess." He said. It took you a split second to process his words before you turned yourself over and stuck your ass up in the air despite your pussy already red and bruised. Jimin laughed and smacked your ass. You bit back a moan. "That's a good girl."

You spread your legs as Jimin positioned himself at your entrance and slipped himself back into your wet hole. You gawked; Jimin's cock rubbed right over your sweet spot before nestling deep inside of you. You buried your head in the bed and moaned.

"Ah, so tight as always, fuck..." Jimin sighed and gripped your ass in his hands, grinding his hips into you. God, he just loves seeing you go insane, doesn't he?

"Ohh, baby. P-Please move." You pleaded and wiggled you ass, nestling right up against Jimin's naval. His pubic hair tickled your ass, but his cock filled you up so nicely you couldn't care less. Jimin hissed and squeezed your cheek and glanced down to see his cock coated in a layer of your cream. The sight was so amazing, he wanted to whip out his phone and snap a photo and save it for jerk-off material later. Jimin leaned forward and kissed your shoulder while his hand wandered up to stroke your hair.

"I'm gonna go rough, okay?" He whispered. You nodded, almost too enthusiastically.

"Yes, fuck me like a little whore, Jimin.” You glanced back for a second before Jimin clutched your hair and yanked your head back; a loud groan rumbled in your throat. You didn't have a second to prepare yourself before Jimin was pounding you from the back. The sound of skin slapping against skin clashed with your cries of pleasure. Your eyes fluttered behind your eyelids and all of the strength in your arms that were keeping you up left you and you fell forward into the mattress. Your desperate moans were drowned out by the sound of hasty grunts and muffled into the bed.

It wasn't the first time Jimin had been this rough with you. The first time was you just experimenting with sex you've only seen in porn and as usual, Jimin took things slow to let you adjust(yet somehow, he still managed to have you shivering from your orgasm by the end of the night).

Jimin's moans transformed into animalistic grunts that grew rougher with each thrust. They were breathy and gruff like this was angry sex and he was letting his frustration out on your poor pussy. He gripped your ass with his hand and propped his foot on the bed to dig out your insides even more. Had there been a mirror next you, Jimin would be hunched over while his hips moved wildly; your hair twisted in his hand.

"Agh, fuck! Fuck, I'm almost there—shit! Ah, I'm gonna cum, baby!" he growled and got in a few more shaky thrusts before pulling out and relieving himself over your ass; thick streams of cum painted your smooth skin. Moans of satisfaction from both of you filled the room. You were mostly glad that your hole could have a break. Jimin slapped his softened dick on your ass, smothering his cum into your skin.

"Ass looks so nice in my cum." He big his lip and smacked your ass. You whined and sprawled out on your stomach.

"That's great, but why don't you wipe it off now?" You laughed dryly, too lazy to wipe it off yourself. Jimin laughed as well, but he was still tired from exerting all of his strength.

"Yes, of course baby." He said and reached for a wet wipe that you kept in your drawer. He softly wiped his spunk off of your ass and you hummed happily. There was something so domestic about Jimin cleaning you up and calling you baby and whatnot. You didn't want it to end, ever. You wondered if it's ever going to end, if it has to end.

"There you go, your highness," Jimin said as he slid off the bed and snatched his underwear from the floor. You watched him pull the underwear over himself and when he meets your eyes, you don't look away. "What? You planning on round two? I don't mind, but at least give me some time to rest."

"No, that's not it," you said and roll your eyes. "Just thinking."

"You think a lot," Jimin sighed and flopped down on the bed beside you. He swooped in and wrapped his arm around our waist, pulling you down with him as he falls onto the mattress. "What's on your mind, princess?" Jimin closed his eyes with a small smile. You turn your body so you're touching chests and inches away from his face.

"I dunno... I think I'm too sober to tell." You said and Jimin snaps his head to narrow his eyes at you.

"Oh no, we are not having another drunk wine night. I swear, if you're still thinking about Namjoon—"

"I'm not!" You intervene with wide eyes. "God, no. I told you I'm over him!" You exclaim. Jimin nods his head in silent approval, as if to say, you better be. "I was just wondering... what's going to happen to us?" You asked in a soft voice. Jimin comprehends your words in a second before he looks at you with wide eyes of pure surprise.

"What?" Is all he can say.

"I mean—this whole thing. You and me, it only happened because I still liked Namjoon but now, it's different, you know?"

"How different?" Jimin's throat felt dry and his stomach started to churn in a way that wasn't supposed to after sex.

"I mean..." you take a deep breath and softly press the pads of your fingers on Jimin's chest. "What are we going to do now?"

At that moment, it would be perfect if Jimin were to say something along the lines of, anything. We can do whatever you want. Whatever makes you happy. As long as I get to be with you. Because that's exactly what was on his mind; but those words never made it out of his mouth. His throat tightened and his head spun like his brain was being twisted. An unsettling feeling in his stomach bubbles and all of a sudden, it's gotten harder to breathe.

Just say it. Just fucking say it.

But for some reason, he couldn't. Just simple sentence, one that'll lock down his love for you and he'll never have to worry about you liking another guy ever again, but the words don't come to his head.

"Jimin?" You ask, concerned. He flinched.

"I—uh, I can't—"

"You can't?" Your tone was sharp.

"No! No, that's not what I meant—"

"You can't what, Jimin?" You sit up and clench your hands at your side, head lowered to mask your teary eyes. "I knew it. You never fucking cared." You threw the blankets off of your legs and stood up from the bed, grabbing the rest of Jimin's clothes from the floor and chucking it at him. "Should've known."

"What? No! Y/N, listen to me!" Jimin stood up as well, covering his crotch with the crumpled up shirt you threw at him. "I care a lot about you."

Almost too much.

"That's it?" You scoffed and rolled your eyes. "You're a joke, Park Jimin."

"I'm a joke?" Jimin glared at you. "I'm not the one who's flirting with other guys like I'm not there! What the hell do you think this is?!" He yelled back and deep down, he knew he shouldn't have. The two of you weren't even dating, so why was he getting jealous? "Do whatever you want. If you want to fuck Jungkook, be my guest."

Your jaw dropped and you let out an exasperated gasp. "I am not fucking Jungkook. We're just friends! What, I can't have guy friends now? Who are you to decide that?!"

"Is that not what you intended when you got his number? When you were completely falling for his childish flirting tactics? Please, you were leading him on like a dog on leash!" You saw Jimin's jaw clench tightly as he gripped his shirt with such anger. "Maybe Jungkook is a better choice for you."

"So—so what, are you calling me a whore now?"

"I never said that."

"It was implied."

"No, I never said that. Jeez, are you listening to yourself? All you do is talk yourself down for no reason! What's the point in that?!" He growled at you; suddenly emotions that he didn't even know he had were coming out.

"You know why," your voice squeaked, but you refused to shed any tears. The emotional wall you had built up over the years wasn't going to go down that easily and you definitely weren't going to let it crumble because of some petty argument. "Don't make this my fault."

"It's no one's fault, Y/N, or do you just like playing the victim?"

"Of course not! You're being ridiculous right now!" You exclaimed. Jimin knew that. He knew everything you were saying was correct and he was wrong and emotional and overreacting, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to tell you that because he was just so immature. But he still couldn't shake the uncertainty from his heart.

Jimin turned himself around and unraveled the damaged shirt in his hands, pulling it over his head. With his upper body covered, he felt less vulnerable.

"Then is he an option?" Jimin asked, his voice steady but only because Jimin was clenching his fists so tightly to hide his shaky voice. "If—if you had the choice between Jungkook and me, which one would you have sex with?" Jimin asked, his heart was pounding and he could feel his pulse through his fists as well as it drumming against his ears.

Would you replace me with Jungkook? Or Namjoon?

You could feel your nails digging wedges into your palms from how hard you were clenching your hands. It was unusual for you and Jimin to argue like this; the only thing you argued about was what toppings to get on pizza or who would be covering the bill for when the two of you ate out. Now that his entire demeanor had changed, from a sweet, playful attitude to some heartless dickhead you wondered if those feelings you had for him were genuine or not.

You knew you shouldn't have asked Jimin. He was just like the rumors said, just a jerk that sleeps around with women. You figured you knew him better, but in the end, they're all the same.

Jimin must've gone crazy. It was so out of character for Jimin to get so caught up in his own feelings that he didn't know how to control them and himself.

The room was eerily silent and the only sound was the soft hum of the air conditioning and the distant zoom of cars in the street. Jimin glanced back and saw the moonlight illuminate your face in a soft, white glow; the soft tufts of your hair that fell in front of your face, your lips that protruded out, your eyes that squeezed ever so slightly as a single tear fell down your cheek...

And Jimin's heart stopped. His face paled as his breath left his lungs and he felt his heart drop to the bottom of his stomach. Sheer guilt socked him in the gut and all he wanted to do was take back everything he had said.

Your hand hurriedly went to wipe your cheek and sniffled before averting your eyes.

"Is--" your voice cracked. "Is that what you thought this was? Just sex? I thought we..." you couldn’t finish the sentence without losing the power in your voice. You couldn't bring yourself to confess that you thought this was more than just sex. It was more than just being friends with benefits. It was late night talks, venting over a few glasses of wine, providing a shoulder to lean on when you wanted to burst out in tears when you felt so shitty, it was a chest to cry on when you did. It was Skype calls until four in the morning, treating each other to lunch, passing notes to each other in class, going on night-time drives to who knows where. It was more than just sex for you, but that was only to you. You supposed it was the same for Jimin.

Another tear fell down your cheek and you caught it before it pooled at your chin. And then another. You cupped your face and cursed under your breath; a mixture of shame and embarrassment conjured inside of you for crying in front of Jimin. You'd done it many times before, but this time was different. You weren't crying because of Namjoon or how shitty and pathetic your life was, you were crying over Jimin.

"Y/N—"

"Just go home," you interrupted, not even caring how scratchy and raspy your voice was. "Please, just go. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

And without another word, Jimin picked up his things and left.

#jimin smut #bts jimin #jimin angst #jimin fluff #bts smut #The Proposal #jimin scenario #bts scenario #jimin fic #oh no my two babies are fighting #what do i dooo #kidding i know what to do :)

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cosmosogler · 7 years ago

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hi guys. peeled myself off my bed in time to leave for physical therapy. i had a good hard workout and then i biked down to the office, where i worked and worked. i said hello to everyone as they popped in and out, and talked to sooz about how stressed she is, and jake told me a stupid joke that i loved. i can’t remember what it was. i enjoy that i have successfully turned my office into a checkpoint that my classmates tend to hit whenever they pass down the hallway. i put a lot of work into that.

i was going to get lunch with them after their class and before my psychiatrist appointment, but then they kept me waiting for 20 minutes. harrison and taylor came down and then taylor said he wanted to stop by his office to pick something up before we left for krishna lunch. so harrison and i waited in the lobby for another 10 minutes, and then i got angry, because i no longer had time to sit and relax and eat my lunch. so i marched off to the plaza myself, and harrison followed me.

the food was pretty good. would have been better if i wasn’t shoveling it in my face as fast as i could. taylor showed up eventually, as harrison and i were finishing up. he’s very... sleep deprived. more obviously than i am. then i hurried to the bus stop and got over to the psychiatrist’s office. my medication dosage got increased... i don’t mind. i think they are starting to do that thing where they stop working after a year or two. i have been on this combination for over a year, now. hard to tell for sure, right now. we’ll see if the higher dosage helps.

i went back to the office and worked more. i actually did work with tia and harith, for the first time in over a month. it felt great! harith explained the problem to me and i bumbled through the answer and checked it with him and then helped tia at the spot where she’d gotten turned around. we finished the problem in like, just an hour and a half. it was Efficient. it wasn’t a hard problem but i was really happy to just be, like, combing through my class notes and using what i knew from class to propose solutions and then troubleshoot them. you know? instead of having a classmate just tell me how to do it with their assignment.

yeah... i walked my bike home in a downpour. when i got home, snoopy startled me. her eye looked terrible. i have to take her in to see the vet tomorrow morning. rebika said she’d give me the class notes if we did anything interesting. i saw on the schedule we were just covering a section i’d already read in the textbook. i can tell snoopy’s in a lot of pain, even though she’s playing with her cookie dispenser (oh my god??? she finally learned how it worked) and sitting in a happy position and making purring noises. she keeps her eye kinda closed unless she’s actively looking at something and the drainage is a nasty color.

i also worked on homework for an hour and i graded for an hour. i’m finally halfway done with this section after putting it off for over a week. hopefully the second half won’t also take 4-5 hours. i finished the em homework due tomorrow, too. still haven’t finished homework 8 (due two weeks ago), but i’m 2/3 done. i need help with the last question.

overall today, between the 6 hours of work sessions and the traveling to / attending appointments and the cooking and taking care of housework and inching forward progress with the comic, i put up a sustained effort for almost a full 14 hours straight. it was... good. i finished everything on my to-do list AND an extra item (finishing up the em assignment). hopefully tomorrow won’t be too rough. i won’t have a lot of time to grade, between taking snoopy to the vet and class and writing club. and, you know, it being friday night in general and i’ll want to rest.

i never rest.

my psychiatrist said something that kind of concerned me today. she said i might not have felt happy when raul asked me about my writing (which i wanted to happen so bad) because, while i really wanted it to happen, i wasn’t emotionally prepared for it to actually happen. it was really frustrating and disappointing. i was disappointed with myself. she said that’s a skill i have not developed at all. she asked what might happen when i go to give my presentation to get my doctorate and the committee takes a great interest in my project.

like, with raul, with my comic, i could talk about it forever. i have all the information in my head and i know it. but when he was asking stuff, or talking in general, i just... didn’t know what to say. that happens REALLY bad when i try to talk about it in front of multiple people in club.

in undergrad when people asked about my research, if i felt comfortable about it i could launch into an hour-long explanation of moessbauer spectroscopy or nanoparticle propulsion and the brownian motion tracking program i wrote. if i hadn’t been emotionally prepared to talk about it, though, i know i would have clammed up. even though i knew what i was doing and i knew what i was talking about.

it happens in class, too, with my professors... when i go to ask for help or i want to talk about my tests or something... i suddenly have nothing to say. i stutter around my advisor and my answers to his questions get stilted and meandering- and i LIKE my advisor!

i like raul and when he wants to talk about something i care deeply about i suddenly start mumbling and i get a horrible headache! amazing.

i even get like that with compliments. even compliments that i know intellectually should mean a lot to me and are things i worked really hard on. i can’t hold on to them because they turn into garbled nonsense the minute they hit my brain.

it’s frustrating. i feel like i can’t express myself because i’m not having the reactions i want to have, when i finally get things i want to get (appreciation, attention, whatever it is). i just feel all scrambled.

might help to not be sleep deprived. that could help. if only i could sleep.

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backstage-bucknell · 4 years ago

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Important Lessons I Learned in College

by Catherine MacKay ‘21

Once upon a time there was a little Catherine auditioning for Merit weekend who had no idea how much she would learn and grow in college :)

Throughout the past year, I have been reconnecting with a lot of people from my life pre-Bucknell. I think COVID has really instilled in me the importance of checking in with people whether that be emailing people gifs of virtual hugs or sending text messages asking for a “vibe check”. So over the past few months I’ve been following my impulses, reaching out to some friends I have lost touch with over the years. Some are from high school, community theatre, elementary school, and it has been so nostalgic and heartwarming to reminisce about our shared memories. We have had moments where we exclaim “Oh my gosh you are literally the same it’s like nothing has changed!” and there have also been moments where we embrace and celebrate the incredible growth we have all experienced. Today, I celebrate that I am made up of both who I used to be and who I have become. Throughout my four years at Bucknell, I have been surrounded by wonderful, brilliant people who have challenged me and inspired me to become the very best version of myself. I have learned so much as a student, artist, and human. I want to reflect on just a few of the important lessons I have learned throughout my time here.

1. Asking for help is a sign of strength and it is not an inconvenience to anyone.

As a Junior Fellow my sophomore year, I always encouraged my students to talk to their professors when they were overwhelmed and struggling to complete an assignment. It was easy for me to encourage them to ask for an extension or to set up a meeting to discuss what they were having trouble with. The worst they could say is no right?! And for some reason, I had trouble taking my own advice. There were a few times when I knew something was in the way of me completing an assignment and I wouldn’t communicate that to my professors. Instead I would procrastinate the assignment to the last minute and not feel great about the final product. People care about you and they want to support you if you let them. And in this case, if you approach your professors early on and communicate what is going on, I guarantee they will be willing to work through it with you. Professors want you to get something out of their class and they want to see you do your best work.

2. True friendship means taking turns lifting each other up.

I used to view friendship and relationships as always needing to be balanced and equal. If someone does something for me, I need to do something for them in return to show how much I appreciate them. And I never held anyone I was friends with to this standard, it was just something I imposed upon myself from a young age. If someone was there for me when I was going through something, I would feel extremely guilty when I didn’t have the capacity to support them back. True friendship means taking turns lifting each other up. With true friendship there is no need to quantify the gestures you offer each other. You know in your heart that you have each other’s back and will always do your very best to support each other. There are times when you are going to be going through something and your friend will put in more effort than you in order to lift you up and that is okay. You know that with their love and support you will heal and be ready to be by their side the next time they go through something. A true friend listens, helps you with self-love, holds you accountable, pushes you to be the best version of yourself, and overall is just present. They are there on your team through thick and thin.

3. You do not always have to give everything 100%.

Like friendships and relationships, you do not have to give everything 100%. Life is so wonderfully chaotic and daunting. There are always going to be a hundred tasks to do. There are always going to be people who want you and need you. You are going to have to pick and choose where you put your energy all while remembering to prioritize saving energy for yourself. There are days when you can only give school 60%, your after school activities 30%, and yourself 10% and that is okay. There are days when you will choose to give yourself 50% and split your remaining energy between the rest of your demanding schedule and that is okay. Give yourself permission to give yourself 100% one day. Take that Saturday and watch all the Netflix you want or whatever you like to do for self care. Your best is enough and if you balance your energy every day, I believe you ultimately will be able to give everything 100%.

4. It is okay to start a project and not finish it.

I don’t know if this is an actual term but I always joke that I identify as a “completionist”. In high school, I would have my to-do list every day and would not go to bed until every item was completed and checked off the list. Every assignment I started needed to begin and end on that day. If I had a spare hour during the day and I did not feel like I could complete the assignment within that hour, I would save it until I had more time in the evening because it would drive me nuts to leave something unfinished. Was I able to maintain this mindset and process in college? Absolutely not! Again, you are going to be pulled in so many different directions and involved in so many things that it is simply not possible to complete everything in a day. I had to learn to set a time in the evening where I would call it quits for the night and then continue the assignment in the morning. Unlearning this mindset and process was frustrating and hard, but I am so much better off for it.

Even this semester, I am still learning and practicing this lesson. Last year before COVID, I had proposed an Honors Thesis and 319 project for my senior year. In my proposal, I outlined a timeline for myself and everything I was going to deliver. Throughout the past year, I had this recurring feeling that the requirements I set for myself were not working for me. I kept trying to force myself to meet them, but a lot has changed in the past year and so had my ability to follow through on expectations I set for myself pre-COVID. In conversations with my professors, I learned that it is okay to start and project and not finish it, and also, it is okay to start a project and adjust it so that it works better for me. This was so freeing and completely changed my motivation and approach to my project.

5. Say no but also say yes.

We talk a lot about the importance of saying no so you don’t stretch yourself thin. However, I want to talk about the importance of saying yes, too. My four years here at Bucknell have flown by. There are moments in my freshmen year that both feel distant and feel like they were yesterday. We all know the calculations of how many hours of homework you should expect to do per number of class hours. We all know how crazy and impossible those expectations really are. So I want to remind you to say yes to those moments that will bring you joy. You will always have deadlines on your shoulders, but you won’t always have these precious moments here in this beautiful place together. Say yes to going on a walk with your friends at 12am. Say yes to going in on a late night Domino’s order. Say yes to doing homework on the quad even though you are more productive in your room. Say yes to going to 7th Street Cafe for a milkshake. These are the moments you will want to remember when you leave here. Homework? Grades? Of course they are important but so is making memories and your own personal growth. Turning in an assignment a bit late or receiving one bad grade is not the end of the world. One day you will look back and see how far you have come from the stressors of college. If you say yes, these friendships and memories will fuel you as you move onto the next chapter of your life. You are more than capable of figuring it out and making it all work.

Sending all of the hugs.

With love from a nostalgic senior,

Catherine MacKay

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musicacademic · 5 years ago

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Year 1 - Semester A - Week 7

November 4th - November 10th 2019

Music Industries

Teaching Music

In Music Industries on Monday morning, we were taught about teaching or we taught ourselves about teaching? Either way, it was probably one of my favourite sessions of Music Industries so far. Most of the session was up to us to see how Music should be taught. My professor started by welcoming us into the room with sweets and asked us how our holiday (as an Icebreaker) which was really nice as we’d been on a weeks holiday before that session and that’s where the lesson began. Right at the door.

One of the most crucial parts of teaching is to make sure that the students respect that the classroom belongs to you as a space to educate them but also to them as a space to be educated and to not be afraid to ask questions.

After being welcomed in my professor already had the classroom in a layout that he wanted it to be in to teach the lesson which made the transition between standing outside and beginning the lesson much easier as the classroom was equipped for learning.

A line that he made sure to emphasise was “A teacher’s job before anything else is to make sure a student is learning” and the way to do this is usually through assessments. There are 3 kinds of assessment:

- Self: This consists of letting a student look back on their own work and decide where they were successful and how they think they could learn better.

- Peer: This form of assessment can be shown. An example of this would be swapping work with another student to add their own input on how they feel the other’s work could be improved which allows insight on certain things you may not have noticed yourself when learning.

- Teacher: This is where you as the teacher really learn about how your student learns and you pick up on their strong suits and places in which they may require help. This is how a teacher will make sure that their student is learning.

To make sure we understood the lesson he provided to us an assessment of his own which was to plan our own lesson and present it for the class within 1 minute. When giving us this task he made sure to emphasise that as a teacher you must always remain professional even if giving a more relaxed lesson and that teaching always requires a plan.

See my lesson plan below:

Being a teacher, especially a music teacher within the teaching industry is an extremely hard task due to a number of things my professor listed as:

Noise! - Especially when working with younger years, noise can be a big problem with teaching music as in Primary and the early ages of High School, Music is usually a mandatory subject which means many students that you take may not always be interested in learning how to play music and sadly that means listening to the DJ button on a keyboard going off during your well-planned lessons.

Poor accommodation & funding - With budget cut after budget cut coming from the Government, the Arts are slowly dying as a subject and with less money for Music, schools are less likely to want to put time and effort into making sure that the subject has adequate equipment and workspaces. Which links into the next point:

Lack of administrative support

Competition with other creative arts subjects

Numbers of classes you will have, names, paperwork, parents evenings…

Small dept teams, including peripatetics (peri-pat-etic: a person who travels from place to place, especially a teacher who works in more than one school or college.)

Stress/workload

Even after hearing about the struggles of being a Music teacher, this lesson really influenced me into thinking about it due to the positive reinforcements from my professor that I would make a good teacher even though it was something that I’d always brush aside and say that I wasn’t ready for. I’m very thankful that I had this lesson as even though I knew about most of the parts of being a music teacher I’d never equated it to myself as much as this lesson allowed me to.

Approaching Notation and Analysis

Introduction to Transcription

(Worked on Notating Rhythms - Nothing to Show)

A Performer Prepares

The Cult of Virtuoso: Concertos

A concerto consists of an Orchestra playing with Soloist. It is usually used to:- Add Texture to a piece- Give an important Musician a chance to show off- Showcase a brand new instrument- Create a dramatic dialogue between the Orchestra and Soloist

Throughout the different stages of music (Baroque - Romantic), there were many different definitions for what a Concerto was which meant that Concertos varied a lot during this time but once music progressed to the Romantic era, it finally seemed to become one definition. A Classical Concerto (Cadenza) was the first seen improvised solo given to musicians within music whereas concertos within the Romantic Era were based more on the virtuosity of the main soloist rather than musical depth. Most Concertos in this time were written to show off and gloat about virtuosity.

An Example of a Concerto: (Vivaldi’s 4 Seasons - Winter)

[Vivaldi, Concerto No.4 in F minor, Op.8, RV297, “L’inverno” mut.3 Allegro - 1725]

Recording Music

Recording Studios

In this session, we went into the recording studios and were walked through how the equipment worked which I had learned from my time in College. Not much else was learned other than shaking an egg to be recorded which was quite funny.

A History of Popular Music

Mediation, Semiotic Analysis and Musical Dramaturgy

The definition of Mediation in the Oxford English Dictionary states that Mediation is an “Intermediate Agent” and a “Medium of Transition” which when written in simpler terms basically boils down to Mediation is making music marketable. It is usually seen as opposing to Authenticity as it takes away from the original meaning of the song but can also be complementary to the Authenticity of a piece of music.

When thinking about Mediation the sections usually thought about consist of:

- Live Performance - Selling Merchandise / On stage lighting choices and art

- Package Recording - Recording CDs / Vinyls / Cassette Tape (Image/Artwork)

- Filmed Concert Documentaries

- Radio Broadcasts - Live Lounge

- Feature Film Soundtracks - Netflix / Films / TV Shows

- Adverts for Non-Musical Projects - John Lewis Adverts

- Instrument Choice - Dylan Goes Electric

An Example of Mediation could be the performances of Verdi’s “La Traviata” - ‘Brindisi’ (Lost Weekend (Wilder, 1945)) as it shows how the context within a performance is important to Mediation.

Semiotics is the creating of meaning from an action or symbol. For example, some things have multiple meanings such as the sign the 2 fingers up meaning Peace when it comes to Hippies and Victory when Winston Churchill did it after the war. Most Semiotics depend on the context and the subject’s cultural codes / what they grew up understanding.

Codes are signifiers that promote a certain thought or feeling within a spectator due to the individual’s familiarity with the code. E.g. Shrieking Cellos to a Western audience would be a code that connotes horror whereas someone who hasn’t been exposed to the sound within that context may not feel the same feeling of fear after listening to the same sound.

Within the book Unheard Melodies by Claudia Gorbman, the author proposes that when an audience attributes meaning to film music their reading is based upon their experience and understanding of 3 different semiotic factors (Although sometimes these factors blur and merge):

Pure Musical Codes

Cultural Musical Codes

Cinematic Musical Codes

Musical Dramaturgy: When broken down Dramaturgy refers to techniques and principles employed in the design and presentation of dramatic works which leads to the idea that ‘Musical Dramaturgy’ separates elements that complete dramaturgical functions from ones that do not.

The terminology used when thinking about Musical Dramaturgy includes:

Added Value - Adding music to a scene gives the visuals a value. An example of this would be having one scene with different music over the top and seeing how the scene is perceived with the change.

Non-diegetic Music - This is where the music within a source is absent from the story word aka music that the characters within the story cannot hear. Example: The Opening Scene from UP - The music that plays within these scenes is obviously non-diegetic as it plays throughout the story of their lives and the characters do not react or interact with this. This music is merely there to add depth to the scene for the audience.

Diegetic Music - Being the exact opposite of Non-Diegetic Music, this music exists within the world of the characters and is often something the characters will interact with either through turning on the radio, putting earphones in or walking into a party and having the music play. Example: A scene from The Amazing Spiderman 2 in which the music switches from Diegetic (Being played through earphones in the main character’s ears) to Non-diegetic (The character taking his earphones out and the music getting louder to connote the switch between the two)

Internal Diegetic - This is the 3rd form of music within the context as Internal Diegetic refers to music in which one of the characters is thinking about a piece and therefore the audience can hear this music but the other characters within the scene cannot hear or interact with the music.

Acousmatic - Is the creating of an audiovisual space which brings the audience beyond the borders of the screen into the spaces in which the camera cannot capture. Examples of this would be like behind a closed door or behind the character as they’re being filmed walking down a corridor.

Empathetic - This music is something that is matched with the mood of the scene or of a character/compliments what the audience would think is appropriate for the scene.

Anempathetic - This music is something that is matched against the mood of the scene or of a character. Example: In Kingsman where there is a massacre within a church and yet the music is happy and upbeat.

Dissonant Harmony - A form of Anempathetic Music which creates a sense of Irony which is reflected through the music and the film scene.

Intracontextual Reference (Leitmotif) - Referencing a song that has been playing throughout a film in reference to a character or a certain event within the film. Example: Top Gun where the song playing on the Juke Box in the cafe is one that is linked with the Protagonist’s relationship with his partner which is heard throughout the film.

Intertextual Reference - Music which creates meaning through its connection with another form of media. An example of this would be if the Jaws theme playing in a different film, the audience link this sound with the idea of something lurking and getting ready to strike and therefore get worried.

Mickey-Mousing - Actions that are syncronised with the music alike what is usually seen in Mickey Mouse cartoons.

Ostinatos and Stingers - An ostinato is a repeated melody or rhythmic pattern that illustrates sudden dramatic tension (A Stinger).

Sound Bridge - Music that starts at the end of a scene and guides the transition through to the next scene.

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juniperpublishers-gjpps · 5 years ago

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Safety Based Limits for the Control of Impurities in Drug Substances and Drug Products: A Review-Juniper publishers

Safety based impurity limits are key to the effective reduction and control of impurities in medicinal products. Impurity limits now have a greater focus on daily exposure limits, with the introduction of various approaches, such as permitted daily exposure (PDEs), acceptable intake (AIs), threshold of toxicological control (TTCs) and staged TTCs all aimed at defining a virtually safe dose (VSD). This in turn led to the introduction of less than lifetime (LTL) limits for mutagenic impurities, which is based on an application of Haber's law which states that concentration and exposure times are both critical for assessing likely safety risk to patients. Surprisingly, LTLs have not been applied to the other specific classes of impurities or indeed general impurities.

A recent publication has suggested that a LTL limit for general impurities of 5 mg or 0.7% (whichever is lower), for clinical studies with durations of less than 6 months is warranted. ICH S9 indicated that there was no additional impact on patient safety for impurities where the parent drug substance is extremely toxic and impurity levels (even mutagenic impurities) for oncology products could be controlled at higher levels. However, there has been little regulatory appetite for broadening this entirely pragmatic approach to other therapeutic areas, where life expectancy is equally short, i.e. rare diseases.

Keywords: Haber's law; Duration of dosing; Safety-based limits; Acceptable daily intakes; Acceptable intakes; Permitted daily exposure; Virtually safe dose; Less than lifetime limits

Introduction

Paracelsus, the medieval physician, who is often viewed as the father of modern toxicology, was the first person to appreciate that "the dose makes the poison". This essentially means that very toxic materials can be used therapeutically at very low concentrations and conversely even safe materials can be toxic if overdosed. This in turn led to Haber's law, which basically states that, the incidence and/or severity of any toxic effect is dependent on the total exposure to the toxic agent; that is, the exposure concentration (c) rate(or dose) multiplied by the duration time (t) of exposure (i.e. cxt). This law is often utilised in setting exposure limits for toxic components. The major caveat, is that establishing acceptable daily intakes (ADIs) for long-term exposures to a toxic substance when only data from short-term studies are available, does require the use of an uncertainty or safety factor.

For example, cancer risk estimates are typically based on the average lifetime daily dose (LDD), which in turn is derived from the total cumulative exposure, using Haber's law, i.e. cxt. Gaylor [1] proposed a modified Haber’s law to better extrapolate safe levels based on shorter term exposure intervals and this takes the form of:

c3x t=c’3x t'

where c and t are the known safe exposure levels(c) based on the longer exposure duration (t) and c’ and t' are the projected safe concentration (c’) based on the pre-defined shorter exposure duration (t’). Haber’s law is equally germane to impurities as it is to medicinal products.

Impurities in New Drug Substances and New Drug Products (Ich Q3a/ Ich Q3b)

One of the first international guidance that used safety based limits for impurities was the international conference on harmonization (ICH) Q3A [2]. This provided an overview of the typical impurities that were found in new drug substances and their controls. Impurities were evaluated based on both chemistry considerations, including "classification and identification of impurities, report generation, listing of impurities in specifications, and a brief discussion of analytical procedures"; and safety considerations, including "specific guidance for qualifying those impurities that were not present, or were present at substantially lower levels, in batches of a new drug substance used in safety and clinical studies"

Impurities were further delineated into identified and unidentified classes, both of which were included as specification tests [3]. This includes unidentified impurities that were known to be present at levels greater than pre-defined reporting, identification and qualification threshold (Table 1). Those unidentified impurities are often defined on the drug substance specification "by an appropriate qualitative analytical descriptive label (e.g., "unidentified A", "unidentified with relative retention of 0.9")"

1. The amount of drug substance administered per day;

2. Reporting Threshold: A limit above (>) which an impurity should be reported. Reporting threshold is the same as reporting level in Q2B (4);

3. Higher reporting thresholds should be scientifically justified;

4. Lower thresholds can be appropriate if the impurity is unusually toxic;

5 Identification Thresholds: A limit above (>) which an impurity should be identified;

6 Qualification Thresholds: A limit above (>) which an impurity should be qualified

The reporting threshold was linked to the capability of the supporting analytical methodology [4]. Identification threshold was the limit where the unknown impurity was required to be identified by appropriate analytical methodology. Whereas, the qualification threshold necessitated acquiring and evaluating pre-clinical safety data that "establishes the biological safety of an individual impurity or a given impurity profile at the level(s) specified".

Interestingly, although the derivation of the reporting threshold was linked to method capability, the derivation of the identification and qualification threshold limits were never fully delineated, apart from linkage with the maximum daily dose of the product. In addition, for those impurities "known to be unusually potent or to produce toxic or unexpected pharmacological effects, the quantitation/detection limit of the analytical procedures should be commensurate with the level at which the impurities should be controlled". Again, the implicit meaning of this statement was never fully articulated, but it was the genesis for the subsequent guidance on mutagenic impurities, initially termed genotoxic impurities [5].

Similar guidance was provided for impurities typically found in new drug products. These impurities are usually termed degradation products [6]. There was greater delineation of the thresholds in terms of dose (Table 2). However, it was never fully explained why the various thresholds, in terms of maximum daily dose, could not be aligned. Thus there is the confusing scenario that the reporting thresholds are above or below 1g; whereas, the identification thresholds are divided into four (>2g, >10mg- 2g, 1mg-10mg and <1mg); whilst the qualification thresholds were also divided into four, but were not aligned with the classes defined in the identification thresholds (>2g, >100mg-2g, 10mg- 100mg and <10mg).

1 The amount of drug substance administered per day;

2 Thresholds for degradation products are expressed either as a percentage of the drug substance or as total daily intake (TDI) of the degradation product. Lower thresholds can be appropriate if the degradation product is unusually toxic;

3 Higher thresholds should be scientifically justified.

The other confusing aspect was that the maximum daily dose (mg/day) and the maximum strength of a product (mg) are often not the same value. Thus for instance, the anti-malarial drug quinine sulfate [7] has a maximum therapeutic dose from the product label of 648mg every 8hours, i.e. 1944mg/day; whereas, the highest dose strength are 324mg/capsule. The analysts testing and releasing quinine sulfate capsules will do so on the commercial product (324mg/capsule), not the maximum dose taken by the patient (1944mg/day). In addition, although reporting thresholds are always measured as percentage values and are easily aligned with the data output from the method used by the analyst; identification and qualification thresholds are measured in either percentage values or mg/day values (Table 3).

The other aspect of having safety based limits for impurities is that it does not reflect the duration of treatment use for that drug and results in the same limits being proposed irrespective of whether the drug is proscribed pro ne rata (PRN) or as required, e.g. for constipation, mild pain, etc., or through life time treatments, e.g. for treatment of high blood pressure, etc.

ICH Q3A [2] and Q3B [6] were always intended to be only applicable to marketed products, but the regulatory expectations during clinical development often exceed what is actually required. For example, it isn't unusual to see the following expectations [8]:

"For phase I expect structure (or identifier) and origin For phase II expect Limit of Detection and Quantification and actual impurity levels to be established (aligned with ICH Q3A, Q3B, etc)".

However, by phase II the final synthetic route and process of the drug substance are rarely identified or optimised, and the attrition rate of phase II drugs is still very high [9]. What the regulatory guidance enshrined in ICH M3 [10], actually states with respect to impurities is, "If specific studies are warranted to qualify an impurity or degradant, generally these studies are not warranted before phase 3 unless there are changes that result in a significant new impurity profile (e.g., a new synthetic pathway, a new degradant formed by interactions between the components of the formulation). In these latter cases, appropriate qualification studies can be warranted to support phase 2 or later stages of development"

Residual Solvent Impurities (ICH Q3C)

Although residual solvents are mentioned in ICH Q3A [2], a separate guideline, ICH Q3C [11], was developed to provide safety based guidance on the allowable limits of common residual solvents within pharmaceuticals. As there are "no therapeutic benefits from residual solvents, all residual solvents should be removed to the extent possible to meet product specifications, good manufacturing practices, or other quality based requirements". Additionally, ICH Q3C recommends the use of less toxic solvents. Thus, solvents that are known to be highly toxic (Class 1) should be avoided during the production of drug substances, excipients, and especially drug products, unless their usage can be justified using a risk-benefit assessment [12]. In addition, some solvents with intermediate toxicity (Class 2) should also be limited from a patient safety perspective. Ideally, the least toxic solvents (Class 3) should always be used where practical. Recommended limits for all solvents may change as additional safety data become available. In addition, supporting safety data for new solvents may be added to the guidance.

Although tolerable daily intake (TDI) and acceptable daily intake (ADI) were both in common usage, ICH Q3C (12) introduced a new term, permitted daily exposure (PDE) to avoid confusion of differing values for ADI's for the same substance. In addition to avoidance of class 1 solvents, the concept of "as low as reasonably practicable" (ALARP) was introduced and is applied to class 2 solvents and often to class 3 solvents. Indeed, regulatory agencies will often use process capability arguments to drive down residual solvent levels below the safety based limits [13] derived from ICH Q3C.

Residual Elemental Impurities (ICH Q3D)

Residual elemental impurities were also mentioned in ICH Q3A [2], but again a separate guideline, ICH Q3D (14) was developed to provide safety based guidance on the allowable limits of residual elements within pharmaceuticals. As elemental impurities provide no therapeutic benefit to the patient, "their levels in the drug product should be controlled within acceptable limits" [14].

The ICH Q3D guideline is sub-divided into three parts: the derivation and assessment of toxicity data; the establishment of a PDE for each elemental impurity derived for three different routes of administration (oral, inhaled and parenteral); and application of a risk based approach to control elemental impurities (as per ICH Q9 (12)). One difference from ICH Q3C [11] is that applicants are not expected to tighten the safety based limits based on process capability considerations, as long as the residual elemental impurities do not exceed the PDE values. However, in certain cases, levels below the PDE may be warranted when lower levels have been shown to positively impact on other critical quality attributes (CQAs) of the drug product; for example, element catalyzed drug degradation (this is particularly common with oxidative degradation mechanisms [15]. In addition, for those elements with higher PDEs, lower limits may have to be assessed from a pharmaceutical quality perspective. Residual elements are classified into 5 different categories: class 1, 2a, 2b, 3 and others (Table 4).

ICH Q3D [14] provides a platform for developing an ICH Q9 (12) aligned risk-based control strategy to limit elemental impurities within the drug product. Although, the guidance had highlighted the risk inherent from both drug substance and excipients, the reality based on a multi-product assessment is that the risk is low. Li et al. [16] tested 190 samples from 31 different excipients and 15 samples from eight different drug substances for residual elemental impurities. The results show relatively low levels of elemental impurities are present in the samples tested.

Residual mutagenic impurities (ICH M7)

ICH M7 [5] is focused on DNA reactive impurities that can potentially cause DNA damage, when present at low levels, and thus can potentially cause cancer in man. Importantly, other types of toxic impurities that are non-mutagenic will typically have a threshold mechanism and as such usually do not pose carcinogenic risk in man, at the levels typically seen for impurities.

A Threshold of Toxicological Concern (TTC) approach was introduced to describe an "acceptable intake for any unstudied chemical that poses a negligible risk of carcinogenicity or other toxic effects", this equates to a virtually safe dose (VSD). The methodologies that underpin the TTC are universally considered to be very conservative, as they use a simple linear extrapolation from the TD50 dose (i.e. dose giving a 50% tumor incidence) to a 1 in 106 likelihood of cancer occurrence.

A default TTC value of 1.5μg/day corresponding to a theoretical 10-5 excess lifetime risk of cancer can therefore be justified for mutagenic impurities. Some high potency groups referred to as the "cohort of concern", e.g. aflatoxin-like-, N-nitroso-, and alkyl-azoxy compounds; were identified where the default TTC would still pose a significant carcinogenic risk. These high potency compounds were excluded from the TTC approach.

ICH M7 [5] bases acceptable intakes for mutagenic impurities on established risk assessment approaches (see ICH Q9 [12]. As such, acceptable risk during the early development phase is established at a higher theoretically calculated risk level of approximately one additional cancer incidence per million, i.e. 1 in 106 risk levels. For later stages in development (Phase III) and for commercial products, the risk level is reduced to one in one hundred thousand, i.e. 1 in 105 risk levels. It is worth highlighting, that these risk levels represent a small theoretical increase in risk when compared to the overall lifetime incidence of developing cancer in man, which is greater than 1 in 3.

The initial risk assessment is undertaken on the drug substance synthetic pathway to identify real or potential impurities that may be reactive and thereby mutagenic in nature. In parallel, the formulation and manufacturing process are also assessed for the formation of any reactive degradants (both real and potential), that could be realistically expected to form during long term, real-time storage conditions. In silico structure- based assessments, i.e. Derek Nexus, Sarah Nexus, etc., are used for predicting mutagenicity based upon QSAR (quantitative structure activity relationships) approaches. These findings are then reviewed by toxicology experts to provide any additional understanding as to the relevance of these predictions (both positive and negative), and in the case of contradictory outcomes to understand those differences. Based on this assessment, impurities are categorised into five different classes in order of decreasing regulatory concern (Table 5).

1. For class 1 compounds, i.e. those which are known mutagenic carcinogens, an AI (acceptable intake) or a PDE (permitted daily exposure)approach has been introduced (ICH M7(R1) (17)). These limits are based on either (i) linear extrapolations from TD50 (AI) or (ii) threshold-based PDEs. There are 10 compounds covered by the AI approach and a further 3 covered by the PDE approach.

2. LTL (less than lifetime limits)

3. TTC (Threshold of Toxicological Concern)

It is anticipated that monitoring and control strategies (including analytical methods) will be less developed during earlier clinical phases, where overall development experience is of necessity limited, compared to later clinical phases and commercial manufacture. ICH M7 [17] proposesa control strategy using four control options for mutagenic impurities, of these only one includes control of the mutagenic impurity on the API specification (option 1). Options 2 and 3 define some levels of in-process control; whereas, option 4 is centred on process understanding alone, typically termed "Purge Arguments" [18].

It is should be emphasised that these established cancer risk assessments are based on lifetime exposures, i.e. 75 years. Thus, Less-Than-Lifetime (LTL) exposure based limits can be derived both during development and commercial use. LTLs can have higher acceptable intakes of mutagenic impurities and still maintain comparable risk levels, which is obviously an application of Haber's law. Therefore, the carcinogenic effect is predicated on both duration of exposure and dose. Thus for example, "if the compound specific acceptable intake is 15 |ig/day for lifetime exposure, the less than lifetime limits (Table 6) can be increased to a daily intake of 100 |ig (>1-10 years treatment duration), 200 |ig (>1-12 months) or 1200|ig (<1month)" [5]. This LTL approach may also be appropriate "in diseases with reduced life expectancy, limited therapeutic alternatives or chronic diseases with late onset" [19].

It is worth emphasising that exceeding the default TTC or LTL limits is not necessarily linked with an increased cancer risk in man, given the extremely conservative suppositions employed in the evolution and derivation of the TTC or LTL values. For instance, higher exposure to a potential mutagenic impurity, e.g. formaldehyde, may be reasonable when exposure can be significantly greater from other sources, e.g. endogenous metabolism, food, etc. The most likely increase in cancer incidence is actually much less than 1 in 100,000. In addition, in cases where a mutagenic compound is a non-carcinogen in a rodent bioassay, there would be no predicted increase in cancer risk. Based on all the above considerations, any exposure to an impurity that is later identified as a mutagen is not necessarily associated with an increased cancer risk for patients already exposed to the impurity. A risk assessment would determine whether any further actions would be taken

In principle, ICH M7 does not apply to advanced cancer therapeutic indications (covered by ICH S9 (20)), where the drug is itself genotoxic. ICH M7 does not apply to established excipients, flavouring agents and certain biological products, including herbal medicines. Existing commercial products are also exempted, apart from where there are new safety data (including new mutagenic data) for existing impurities; significantly, structural alerts alone do not trigger regulatory concern. However, ICH M7 does cover changes to marketed products, including new marketing applications and postapproval submissions.

Impurities in oncology products (ICH S9)

ICH S9 [20] was developed to provide guidance for nonclinical studies for the development of anticancer pharmaceuticals used in clinical trials for the treatment of patients with advanced disease and limited therapeutic options. During the development of oncology products, supporting clinical studies often involve cancer patients whose prognosis is poor and projected lifetime is short (<2 years).

As such, the guideline objectives are to facilitate and accelerate the development of these anticancer pharmaceuticals whilst protecting patients from unnecessary adverse effects. In addition, ethical use of animals, in accordance with the 3R principles (reduce/refine/replace) are paramount. Importantly, the principles described in other ICH guidelines need to be considered in the development of oncology products; whereas, those specific situations where requirements for nonclinical testing may diverge from other guidance are described in ICH S9.

Additionally, the dose levels used in these clinical oncology studies are often at the top end of the tolerable range [21] and often result in adverse effect dose levels. Hence, "the type, timing and flexibility called for in the design of nonclinical studies of anticancer pharmaceuticals can differ" significantly from nononcology pharmaceuticals. Historically, limits for impurities (see ICH Q3A [2] and Q3B [6] have been based on a negligible risk to the patient. In oncology products this consideration, whilst important, is not as important as patient wellbeing and exceeding the ICH Q3A [2]/Q3B [6] limits for impurities may be applicable and an appropriate justification should be included in the marketing application.

This explanation should include an overview of the disease being treated, including patient prognosis, the nature of the drug itself (pharmacology, genotoxicity and carcinogenicity, etc.), the total duration of treatment, and the impact of any reduction in impurity levels on manufacturability. Furthermore, the qualification of these impurities may include reflections on the concentration tested in supporting nonclinical studies compared to the levels seen in clinical batches. In addition, TTC, LTL and AI/PDE limits for mutagenic impurities (see ICH M7 [5]) are inappropriate for oncology products and justifications can be used to set higher limits. Interestingly, the guidance does not specifically say that the applicant can default to ICH Q3A [2]/ Q3B [6] limits, although this is often inferred. Impurities that are also metabolites can be considered to be suitably qualified.

Interestingly, regulators have been very unwilling to extend the philosophy of ICH S9 [20] beyond oncology products, for instance into rare diseases [22], where lifetime expectancy can be similarly short, i.e. <2 years and where patient expectations are equally high.

New Reflections on Impurities

Harvey et al. [23] used a variety of chemical databases to demonstrate that the 1mg/day impurity level for an unqualified impurity of unknown toxicity, proposed by ICH Q3A [2] (Table 1) is indeed a robust prediction of a virtually safe dose (VSD) for non-mutagenic impurities. Then using the modified Haber's law, where C=1 mg and t=75 years (i.e., 27375 days) and t is 6 months or 182 days they determined a VSD for this shorter exposure interval of 5 mg/day (i.e. 5 times higher than existing ICH Q3A limit). However, for very potent drugs with effective doses of <1mg, a 5mg/day limit for a related impurity isn't realistic from either a safety or quality perspective. Therefore, the authors also introduced a percentage cut off based on 5x the ICH Q3A qualification threshold of 0.15%; i.e. 0.7%. Thus the proposed limits for drug substances are 5mg or 0.7%, whichever is lower.

This allows applicants to adopt the existing ICH Q3A guideline which were developed for commercial products and apply them to development products, in much the same way that the ICH M7 guidelines allows LTL limits for mutagenic impurities, for early clinical development. For drug products, similar LTL limits for non-mutagenic impurities can be derived based on a modification of Haber’s law. The additional constraint of a percentage limit of 0.7% need not be applied to drug products as the more potent the drug substance becomes, the lower the dose required. The authors therefore suggested a limit of 5 mg or 2%, whichever is lower, for exposure intervals of <6 months, for general drug substance impurities, i.e. non-mutagenic.

In addition to absolute amounts of unknown impurities, the other key focus is those impurities with unusually high and/ or specific toxicities. Whilst it is recognised that mutagenic impurities constitute the greatest threat to patient safety and they have been addressed via ICH M7; there are other classes of non-mutagenic impurities that will still give cause for concern. The three principal classes of toxic impurities are

(i) polyhalogenated, dibenzodioxins, dibenzofurans and biphenyls that are non-mutagenic carcinogens, which have specific regulatory framework with respect to acceptable exposure levels [24],

(ii) organophosphates or carbamates that are neurotoxins and have their own threshold of concern [25] and (iii) β- lactam like impurities that have the potential to cause anaphylaxis and which currently do not have any threshold of concern [23].

It is worth highlighting that

(a) These impurities are extremely rare and do not reflect the typical structure of impurities generated by medicinal research [26,27] and

(b) That these structural motifs (if present) would be highlighted and addressed as part of the ICH M7 risk assessment [5] , as "the findings from any mutagenic risk assessment are also reviewed by toxicology experts"

Conclusion

Safety based impurity limits are a core consideration of all of the existing ICH Q3 guidance documents. However, there has been an evolution in the approach toward impurities since the publication of the initial guidance [2,6]. Whereas, ICH Q3A [2] and Q3B [6] provide general guidance on impurities in drug substances and drug products, respectively and mainly focus on absolute levels of impurities, i.e. percentage based limits; later guidance focused on individual impurity classes; i.e. residual solvents [11], residual elemental impurities [14] and mutagenic impurities [5] and had a greater focus on daily exposure limits. In the latter cases, this led to the introduction of various impurity specific limits, such as PDEs, Als, TTCs and staged TTCs, all aimed at defining a virtually safe dose (VSD). This in turn led to the introduction of LTL limits for mutagenic impurities.

LTLs are based on an application of Haber's law which states that concentration and exposure times are both critical for assessing likely safety risk to patients. Surprisingly, LTLs have not been applied to the other specific classes of impurities or indeed general impurities. In order to address this deficiency, Harvey et al. [23] have assessed the underpinning data behind the current "1mg or 1%, whichever is lower" limit in ICH Q3A [2] /Q3B [6], and they found this to be based on robust science and they proposed an ancillary LTL for general impurities of 5 mg or 0.7%, whichever is lower, for clinical studies with durations of less than 6 months.

Logically, the toxicity of the parent drug substance also affects how we deal with impurities, even very toxic impurities. Thus, there is limited, if any, additional impact on patient safety for impurities where the parent drug substance is mutagenic, carcinogenic or cytotoxic. Accordingly it was recognised that for oncology products, impurity levels (even mutagenic impurities) could be controlled at higher levels. This "higher level" wasn’t defined but is based on an overview of the disease being treated, including patient prognosis, and the nature of the drug itself. Additionally, from a risk based perspective and an understanding of Haber's law, an overt focus on impurity control makes little sense if the life expectancy of the affected patient is short, i.e. less than 2 years [20]. Interestingly, there has been little regulatory appetite for widening this entirely pragmatic approach to impurity control to other therapeutic areas, where life expectancy is equally short, i.e. rare diseases [22].

Conflict of Interest

The author is an individual CMC consultant and declares that there are no conflicts of interest.

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