#class etc etc etc. assignments whatever. also generally spending time to do stuff for myself

[rain-world-headcanons]

Hello, other headcanons blog! It's good to see you again.

o/ queue will probably run out in a few days though (extra thoughts in tag i suppose)

[stickynotesandstress]

Red Flags in Class Syllabi

Hello, here I am with another post full of advice for university and like most of my posts, it comes from personal experience. A little backstory on this: my first year of university, there was this theatre class I was in where everyone had already become friends or knew each other from high school drama festivals. We always had to do group work where we chose our own groups and I was always alone and did everything in my power to pretend like I wasn’t without the prof noticing. I was miserable and had had multiple panic attacks during or because of that class. However, I was a first year former gifted student who didn’t want to switch classes. I hit a breaking point one night when I was sobbing on the phone to my mom and she made me get up and drop the class. At that point, it was too late to register for one in its place and I am in my third year now, taking 6 courses online during a global pandemic to make up the credits so I can graduate on time. Ever since that experience, if I’ve had any major doubts about a class, I drop it without hesitation as soon as possible so I still have time to register for a new class. In fact, this semester alone, I dropped three classes and switched to new ones. Here are some red flags in course syllabi/things profs say during the first class

1. Group projects. We are in university, everyone, we are paying thousands of dollars for this and we should not be paying that much money for our grades to depend on others. Of course, and this applies to all of the red flags on the list, if the class in necessary for your degree (has happened to me a few times) sometimes you have to suck it up. Still, if you can drop the class without it messing up your degree, I would recommend it, especially right now when most people are fully online because group projects based completely online are even more hellish.

2. If a professor makes a point about how they don’t or hardly ever give As. This one is obvious. These profs like to make shit difficult for no reason and think they’re waaay more important than they really are. Most “I don’t give As” profs that I’ve had have been pretentious assholes.

3. Similarly, if a professor is bragging about how hard their class is/saying that you will likely fail. They are bragging about how bad they are at their job. They are there to teach you and if they advertise that all these people have failed their class, they aren’t trying hard enough. Also usually pretentious as fuck too.

4. If you miss more than two classes, you will fail the class. I’m not talking about profs having attendance policies, that is fine. What I’m referring to is the ones who take it to the extreme. I’ve seen syllabi where profs will fail you, despite all your other hard work, if you miss more than two classes. Like, it’s an automatic fail. It’s not worth the stress.

5. Any class where participation is worth more than 20% (and that’s pushing it). That shit is not fair to the shy students, students with social anxiety, and students who don’t like public speaking. Your work should be the basis for most of your grade, not whatever bullshit answer to class questions you come up with. I’m not a big fan of participation grades in general but to make them worth that much is not ideal (unless you’re not shy and extroverted and don’t have social anxiety, if so, I’m definitely jealous).

6. Workload. I’m not talking about amount of assignments (though if there are a whole lot, you might want to switch, you know what you can handle), I’m talking about readings every week. I dropped a class this semester because the prof said that every week we would have 60+ pages of readings a week which, according to him, wasn’t a lot. These readings for for a polisci class so it was all dense academic articles and government documents (snore) and I didn’t need the class for my degree. When you have a full class load with readings and actual assignments for all of those classes, a class assigning that many pages a week is a red flag especially when the prof doesn’t think it’s a lot. They will pile on the work.

7. Not listing all assignments in the syllabus. This is my pet peeve and I’m in two classes where we don’t know when assignments are due or what they are. This is a red flag as you need to be able to plan assignments and write dates down, especially in university. Surprise assignments and tests are the worst and set students up to fail.

8. Any time a prof/syllabus says “this class will change your life” or some variation of that. These professors are the most obnoxious people and none of the classes I’ve taken that did change my life ever told me so over and over again. 

9. Any class with busywork as homework. By busywork, I mean homework on the online part of the textbook, exercises from the textbook, stuff like that. This is high school level stuff and you don’t learn anything from it. Also because they use the online quizzes that come with the textbook, that means you have to buy a brand new textbook to get that code so there will be no money saving here. I once had to spend $200 on a LOOSE LEAF textbook (they only offered it in that format) just to use the online quizzes. The whole class was like getting in a time machine and going back to high school.

10. If your first class is full of students and your second class has significantly less, that is a warning sign that they might have picked up on something you didn’t. Take another look at that syllabus and pay close attention to the prof that class and make your decision after that. 

11. Check Rate My Professor!!! I cannot stress this enough. Some of the negative reviews are obviously people just mad they got a bad grade, but when students who got high marks are complaining, there is a problem. Take them with a grain of salt until you actually go to the first class, but make sure to read them before class so you know what to look out for. Also, in general, make sure to add your own ratings for profs while you’re there, both positive and negative because it really helps. I go to a really small school so our RMP reviews are limited so I do my best to post about each of my professors to add more. 

12. Know yourself. If you’re first year, this might be more challenging, but you know how you learn best. If all of the assessment methods in a class are things you know you struggle with (multiple choice tests, short answer tests, exams worth 60% of your grade, long papers, research papers, etc.), use your head and make the right decision for you. If you suck at multiple choice tests and force yourself to take a class where that is all you do, it will be hell. If you choose classes based on assessment method, it will help your GPA, I promise you. I get better at selecting courses every year because I learn myself and what I’m best at and I have raised my GPA (not a whole lot, but usually by a decimal point) every semester because I am constantly learning what is best for me. 

[whentherewerebicycles]

hi! i wanted to say i love reading your reflections on teaching, and in general i really look up to/am inspired by your thoughts regarding education and academia. if it's not too much to ask (completely understandable if it is, in that case please disregard!) i would love to get your advice on college related things?

i had pretty significant academic struggles throughout grade school, and ended up dropping out of college after a year. i would've graduated this may, so lately i've been considering going back and finishing my bachelor's. but i've been waffling on this decision because of 1) anxiety about having to drop out again, and 2) some confusion about what i actually want to study. i guess i'm wondering, is it worth it to start from scratch? my struggles were mostly about mental health stuff & difficulty keeping up with coursework—i loved being in the classroom, working with professors, learning from other students. i like being challenged intellectually, but if i have issues with followthrough, is there a way to work on that??? i know these are Big Questions, lol--whether they are answerable or not, cheers and thank you and i hope you are doing well these days. <3

hey! happy to give my thoughts, for what they're worth. you know your situation better than i do so the specifics may or may not be relevant, but i can give some advice just based on seeing lots of students pass through four-year programs!

i've worked with a number of students who took time away from college and came back to finish later. i took a year off myself in the middle of college for mental health reasons, though my school allowed you to take a two-semester leave of absence for any reason (so i always had the safety net of knowing i could come back without having to reapply or start over). in my experience, time away is almost always a good thing. sometimes people just really need that break from the stressors of the college environment! but more importantly, i think people benefit from having a few years' experience living and working in the world.

even though it can be intimidating to come back to college as an older student, i think older students or nontraditional students who took time off and came back tend to underestimate how much more confident and assured in themselves they'll be once they're back in the classroom. working out in the world for a while, even if it's not a job that you especially love or feel is relevant to your long-term goals, tends to help you build more trust in your own ability to get stuff done, manage responsibilities, and be an adult person in the world. in your time away, you've probably grown more than you think, and you may find that some of the things you struggled with at 18 just don't feel as daunting anymore. or they might feel daunting, but you also have more experience talking and working with other people, and you may feel more confident in seeking out & using your college's various academic success resources.

have you considered a two-year college as a possible next step? one of my advisees this year was an adult student who went to college for a year, dropped out, served in the military for four years, came back to do an associate's degree, and decided he liked school enough that he wanted to transfer to our university and finish his degree. (now he's going on to do a phd next fall!!!!) he's one of the most passionate advocates for community colleges i've ever met, and he's stayed actively involved in our local CC community & now mentors recent transfer students at our university. he's talked at length about how CCs are this amazing way for students to explore their interests without having to take on the huge price tag of a four-year degree, within a learning community that's much warmer, more responsive to student needs, and more accepting of the diverse paths that lead people to & through higher education. i wonder if you might consider taking a semester or a year of courses at your local CC, to dip your toes back in and see if you're still feeling energized by the experience.

you might find that some of the courses aren't intellectually challenging enough, but this might also be a wonderful opportunity to create the kind of learning experience you want to have. i was a full-time community college student for a year during my year away from yale, and while i'm sure i was just INSUFFERABLE in many ways, i had a prof in my Western Civ course who was really generous with his time/energy and met with me outside of class to help me figure out how to make the papers into something that i found really exciting and challenging to write. so the class kind of became what i made of it, and i got to read some stuff (dostoevsky!!!) that sent me down all kinds of interesting unexpected rabbitholes. the former CC grad i mentioned above was an extraordinarily bright student who would always go to office hours and ask his profs for more recommended readings, and he ended up becoming a TA for one of his courses and helped them redesign basically their entire intro humanities curriculum as a student advisor. so your CC experience can absolutely be what you make of it. and even if your profs can't give you that kind of support, you could practice doing it for yourself, setting little challenges for yourself either focused on the intellectual aspects ('I'm going to read and cite two scholarly sources in this paper, even though it's not required') or on developing strategies for effectively managing the workload ('I'm going to schedule a writing center appointment on Thurs, so I have to finish this paper two days before the deadline—and then I can devote my weekend study time to practicing for my Spanish test').

CC would be a slightly lower stakes environment for you to try out college again— lower-stakes both in the sense that it's cheaper (so if you decide you don't want to continue, you're not out as much money / don't feel compelled to go on to justify the debt you've taken on) and in the sense that the workload might be more manageable for you as you readjust to academic life and build systems & structures that work for you. as you probably have gathered from this blog, i am a HUGE believer in doing lower-stakes things many times over to build your own confidence and your trust in yourself, and then gradually scaling up the difficulty. by the time you reach the hard thing, you've already built up this strong image of yourself as a person who can handle challenges (and you've also had the chance to identify areas where you struggle & experiment with developing workable solutions).

if a two-year college isn't something you're especially interested in, i think it's definitely possible to start a four-year degree again. if that's the path you choose, i would strongly recommend reaching out to students in some of the degree programs you're tentatively interested in. people are almost always happy to share their ~wisdom~ (see: this ask response, lol) and most people love being asked for their thoughts on the pros and cons of something they know well. so you could get an honest sense from students of what the program is like, what the workload is like, and how useful or engaging people find the required courses for the degree. but also know that it's pretty normal to take courses all over in your first year or two (you have the advantage of having done a freshman year before, so you probably know this!), so you might just want to plan to try out a bunch of different things, with the goal of narrowing your focus by the end of your first year, or midway through your second.

i would also HIGHLY recommend spending lots of time familiarizing yourself with the resources your university has to offer. learn everything you can about the kind of mental health counseling and support they offer to students, and see if there are things you can set up in advance for yourself before you even step foot on campus. for instance, our university offers individual counseling, but they also have free groups that meet every week or two around different topics (coping with stress, students in recovery, etc) that are led by a counselor. check out your university's writing center or peer tutoring centers, too, and set up a standing appointment once a month or once a week or whatever, to bring in something you're working on—so that you know that every week, you're going to talk with someone about what's going well and what you're struggling with in your assignments.

you might also want to look into your university's services for students with disabilities office, as they can help you figure out if you are eligible for various kinds of accommodations or additional support (extra time on exams, notetaking services, recorded lectures, etc). i know you mentioned that you've dealt with academic struggles in grade school, too. if you think it's possible that there may be underlying learning differences that are affecting your academic work, it might be worth seeing if they can help you find lower-cost testing, so you can get a diagnosis that qualifies you for additional accommodations and university support.

many schools, esp large public universities, also have resource centers and mentoring programs for students from specific demographics who may benefit from additional structure and support in their early years of college. my university has a variety of resource centers and programs for students from low-income backgrounds, first-gen students, students who transferred from community college, etc. you don't have to take advantage of ALL of these resources, but proactively establishing a support network long before you need it is a really good way to set yourself up for success. and even just doing the research will probably help you feel more confident in your capacity to 'follow through', since you'll know that you're going into this with your eyes wide open AND with a detailed plan for what to do if you run into some of the same obstacles you encountered the first time around.

speaking of detailed plans: i find it helpful sometimes to do IF-THEN exercises with students when they're stressed about something on the horizon or unsure about whether they can handle some new challenge. IF-THEN is just what it sounds like: 'IF this thing I'm nervous about happens, THEN I'm going to do X, Y, or Z.' what i like about this exercise (i use it with myself too aha) is that it acknowledges that sometimes the thing you're dreading DOES happen. sometimes the professor you emailed for an extension says no. sometimes the TA doesn't understand why you're confused about the assignment. sometimes you don't have time to finish the reading before class. sometimes you overschedule yourself and you have to pull an all-nighter to finish two papers on the same night. scary things, confidence-shaking things, happen all the time, but they are rarely fatal! and there can be something really powerful about acknowledging and naming the thing you're concerned about, and then generating a few next steps you could take, should the thing you're dreading come to pass. i could see you doing something like this as you start thinking about the things that tripped you up last time, or made it difficult for you to balance the workload. if X happens, then what could you try next? giving yourself a few options means that you already have backup plans, too, which can make the whole situation less terrifying. if this happens, i might have to try this, or this, or this, and those things might not be the most fun or the easiest to do or the 'best' thing academically, but they'll get me through this difficult moment mostly in one piece, and once i'm through it i can look back on it and learn from it, or adjust the structures i've built for myself moving forward, to reduce the chance that X happens again.

PHEW!!! sorry this got so long but that is just the RISK YOU TAKE when sending me anons 😅 i hope that some of this is helpful to you, or at least sparks some useful thinking for you, even if it's not all directly applicable to your situation. i would say that if you love learning and find being in the classroom exhilarating, then you should absolutely go back to college! but that doesn't mean you have to go back right away, or that you have to go back and do it exactly the same way you did the first time. there are lots of possible paths to higher ed, and there's no particular rush—college will always be there, if it's something you decide you want now or at some future point in your life. i would also just reiterate again one of the core Themes of This Blog, which is that the brain is NEUROPLASTIC, and that humans have a truly astounding amazing capacity to change, grow, and learn new things (including new ways of getting around old obstacles or working through old challenges). just because you struggled the first time doesn't mean you are doomed to repeat that pattern. if you can spend some time thoughtfully reflecting on what you found most difficult to manage the first time through, you are better equipped to make plans, design new structures for yourself, and build the support networks that will help you thrive in college.

[rivkahstudies]

requested by @niviasthoughts - thank you for approaching me!! I hope this post can help!

The IB Program is hectic enough without having to worry about where your stuff is, when you need it, and how you’re doing. Keeping track of things is pretty much essential for success, because once you get behind it’s difficult to catch up.

I graduated in 2018 with an IB score of 37 out of 45. I started the two years organized and ended even more organized than I thought possible. It’s definitely a program that tests your limits and forces you to surpass or reinvent them.

This is gonna be a pretty long post, so I'm going to put it under the cut.

part one: starting out

It's important that, before you follow through with any of the systems I suggest/inventing your own, you check that your teacher doesn't already have a system set up. In my experience, my teachers' systems have never worked as well as ones that I have determined for myself, because they haven't spent ages and ages developing it just for MY benefit like I have. However, just as life often does to us, you may not have a choice.

Some teachers (and in my experience, the ones I like the least) have a system that they don't just suggest but enforce, and will often take off points in grades such as notebook checks if you don't use their suggested materials/system. There's no way around this, so make absolutely sure you can use your own system on a class-by-class basis to ensure you're getting the best grade you can. Those points add up.

part two: materials

You do not need anything fancy or expensive. All of my stationery is pretty affordable and there are only a couple products I use that I saved for/splurged on. You. do. not. need. fancy. stationery. to. succeed. or! be! a! real! studyblr! say it with me y'all.

I'm not even going to bother to list specific brands because it'll just discourage you from others. I'm going to be as vague as possible. For a reason. Decide for yourself what you like best.

rivkah's very basic IB shopping list

black/blue pens

(trust me, you'll need multiple. I went through a whole pack of 12 THE FIRST SEMESTER of my senior year because I was writing so much.)

a binder and loose leaf paper OR notebook, one for each class

this is entirely up to your personal preference. I prefer to have loose leaf paper because I can rearrange things as I wish (I'm so indecisive and often reorganize). I typically choose 1 inch binders and 4-8 tab dividers. It really depends on the class how I organize these dividers, but they're usually something like classwork/homework/projects/tests/etc.

a colored set of some kind of writing implement

markers, pens, highlighters, it REALLY DOESN'T MATTER as long as you have AT LEAST five colors. I prefer 7-10, because annotating history/english documents requires that you look for a lot of different things. pick whatever works best for you and figure out what your color systems are. it's best to have multiple, especially cross-subject, because your needs may differ depending on the document.

a pencil pouch/supplies organizer

again, whatever fits your preference. I like backpacks with pockets that have little built-in organizers or a pencil pouch that, likewise, has different compartments. I'm one of those people where I like to know EXACTLY where my materials are. I don't like wasting time rifling through a general pouch. if that doesn't bother you, go ahead and get one!

post-it notes

these are so versatile. annotations, reminders, misc notes, anything. I always have multiple colors and sizes on me because I use post-it notes for almost everything, including writing down ideas and reminding myself of deadlines.

planner/bullet journal

digital or paper, doesn't matter. but YOU NEED TO WRITE THINGS DOWN IN IB. don't rely on your memory, because it'll start failing you as soon as you get stressed and busy. also don't worry about spending too much money. I like my bullet journal because if I feel artsy, I can be. If I'm in a hurry, I can keep it minimal. plus I never need to worry about not having enough space to plan. whatever you pick, if it works, stick to it. don't try to have 5 planners because I guarantee you'll just confuse yourself.

misc materials like scissors, glue, white-out, tape, etc

I like to have these on hand just because you never know when you or someone else might need them.

part three: how to integrate these materials/systems

general tips

if something can be done in less than 15 minutes, do it as soon as you can--whether it's at lunch, in extra time at the end of class, or when you first get home.

if it's a large project/assignment, get something down the first day it's assigned. write up a schedule to work on it, or an outline/draft skeleton, or do a little research into what you'd be interested in covering if it's open-ended. something, anything. at the very least, if you don't make progress, it'll cement the assignment in your mind and you won't forget at easily.

do not leave readings to the last minute. they often seem small in comparison to presentations or essays, but they're important.

whenever possible, try to link projects or topics back to your interests. it makes things like the IAs or EE so much easier to write... because the only thing worse than having to write 2000 or 4000 words is having to write 2000 or 4000 words on a topic that puts you to sleep.

utilize your connections with your teachers. in most cases, they want to help and see you succeed. if you have any teachers you're close with, confide in them.

at the very least, if you can't be friendly with them, communicate with them. and suck up a little. because if you're in their good graces, they'll be more understanding when you have your 9th consecutive breakdown or run out of time and can't hand something in. And if they know you're having problems (mentally, socially, in your family, whatever) they can extend their hand to help more. even if it's just one or two teachers, it makes a difference.

set reminders in your phone/calendar for the end of the school day if you have to take a textbook home and you keep it in a locker (hopefully you do, it's bad for your back. IB is bad for your back lmao.) it'll save your life when you start on your way home, exhausted, not remembering. funny how stress makes you totally memory-less.

is a desktop and phone app that has saved my life on numerous occasions. it's more suited for college, but it's really nice because you can track your PROGRESS on assignments, not just on whether you've completed them or not.

obvious, but get sleep and eat good foods. it'll improve your concentration and memory.

it's really tempting when you walk into your room to just dump your stuff somewhere, maybe in a pile. try to make a bin/tray/spot that is specifically for "stuff to be done/sorted/taken care of" and then take care of it nightly.

I know it's often tempting to relax until dinner (at least, if you're like me) and then do your homework after dinner, but please. start your homework as soon as possible once you're home, or before then if you can. you don't have to study every second, but I know I got really tired of seeing 2:30 AM blinking back at me every night.

set your own deadlines and, for the love of all, hold yourself accountable for them.

schedule in at least a half-hour of you time, hopefully in the middle of your homework. you'll forget to have it otherwise and you'll be a zombie. I've been there.

English

stay ahead on readings. see above. if possible/time allowing, read/skim the first time and THEN go back to annotate once you understand what you're looking at. when you notice things the first time, you can start connecting the dots the second.

always know where your books are. have a specific place in your backpack/locker/desk/room. nothing's worse than losing a book you're halfway through and have a paper due.

keep detailed notes for your EA/IOP/IOC. my teacher made us do this thing called "grids" which dissected key symbols/motifs/themes to DEATH, and it was hell, but it helped a lot.

History

again, detailed notes. include not just what happened but why? what were the causes, the events, the effects, and the historical interpretations? this is a fancy little buzz word for "quotes others have on the subject." if you throw even one of these into each of your final papers during senior exams, it boosts your score. my history of the americas teacher never let us forget it. and boy, did I have it in my head by May 2018.

you don't *need* a book for your IA or History EE, but let me tell you, it's hard as hell to get a good score without one. get that deep, deep knowledge bb.

keep things in whatever order works best for you. for my purposes, I always did it chronologically, because I didn't want to jump around too much in an essay. but there's other ways to structure an essay and you need to find what your strong points are.

Spanish/French/etc language

I personally took Spanish. Got a 7 in it, too, so I know how to organize best for this class.

It's INCREDIBLY important that you stay organized in this class, particularly with vocabulary. It's up to you how you want to study and structure your notebook, but leave ample room to write words over and over and over.

You will most likely (assuming your teacher is doing their job) have readings. Devise your own color system, but I typically had three colors for Spanish readings: 1) words I don't know (and later define), 2) vocabulary we learned in class/need to memorize, if applicable, and 3) words I know/need more practice with. You can add/subtract depending on your strength and weakness in the language.

Math

The only class I kept a notebook for, not a binder.

You won't pass just by studying rules. You need to be able to apply them, too, so please keep a section of your notebook/binder for practicing problems. As many as it takes/you have time for.

Keep. All. Your. Tests. I do this for all my classes, but it is VITAL for Math that you're aware of your weaknesses. When it comes down to it, you need to study what you DON'T know, not what you know.

Science

I took Biology. My brother is currently taking Physics.

There will be math in both, just much more in Physics. Follow the rules above for Math when applicable.

Biology was so difficult for me that I rewrote my notes three times. First for studying for the upcoming test, then for the Year 1 "final" my teacher gave, then again for the IB Exams. It's incredibly time-consuming, and might not work for you like it did me. Whatever you do, organize your notes in a way that let you understand difficult concepts in a step-by-step order. IB Bio and Physics are super step-by-step and if you go out of order, you lose points.

Art

I took art, not psychology, so I'm sorry I can't help for psych. But I was basically on my own for art because my teacher was not up-to-date NOR ORGANIZED AT ALL. I had to do all the research myself for the rules before I could even start my work. And I had to do it all senior year, because she wouldn't let me start as a junior.

honestly, I could write a whole separate post just on this subject.

make sure your stuff is neat and in black pen. especially for your process portfolio, that's the only way they'll grade it. I did my Comparative Study on the computer.

TOK Presentation/TOK Essay/IAs/EE

I didn't mention this in the material list, but I was so paranoid about losing materials necessary for my History IA and EE that I literally had 2 folders, one for each of them, JUST devoted to all of the papers that were thrown at me for them.

I was instructed to keep one for my EA by my English teacher, AND I had another kept my grids (used to study for the EA) in a separate folder too.

This is completely optional, but I found it really helpful in making sure I knew where I was with all of my assignments. You could easily substitute all these folders for an accordian binder, it whatever works best for you.

Okay, I've covered all of the subjects I took and major assignments, as well as the general organizational tips. There's still so much more, but this is the bulk of what I did and what I remember. If any of you want to see anything on one of these subjects specifically, please reach out to me! And as always: IB is scary and confusing, as well as incredibly fast-paced, but it isn't impossible and you're not alone. My messages and inbox are always open if you need anything.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

weird to think back on things like the funky experience of being The All A’s/B’s gang and then The All A’s person during middle school and the Smart Kid designation cuz we all have a godawful time within the k-12 education system and also in Higher Education / academia as well and the setup isn’t like, good for anyone though natch between the “lack of attention / occasional positive attention” and “frequent / negative attention” ends of the experience the former is preferable; apparently weird to have been Good Student passing b/c again idk i have good retention and could memorize shit in homeroom for a quiz that day and that was great b/c actually i had godawful / nonexistent study habits and actually basically hated school and did anything last minute and all but like whatever, i could figure out / understand and remember shit more efficiently / faster than usual so like, idk, i’d get wild results ig. and anyways yeah Smart Kid throughout all of k-12 but like, although i don’t think i’m Not smart in any way, it’s like, but no i hated school and never really tried, that inferred correlation wasn’t there but like also there’s the weird Presumed Identity for you. and it Was weird b/c idk i was like, okay? “perpetually nebulous / imprecise / uncertain sense of identity” gang out here and i’m like hmm okay Am i “the good grades getter?” and then apparently you are cuz like welp that’s the Expectation, and also in my case i was also in the “oops let’s minimize ptsd party” gang of Gotta Get As/Bs motivation..............the point is like, it’s funny how despite that concept of what The A’s Getter is, by now i’m like oh but that’s not even like, my Main Thing, much less my Whole thing. my main thing is that i get wildly interested and passionate about stuff and when i’m really about shit i’m So about it and into it and all that yknow. and it’s like, would be cool if i hadn’t had to like, first fight past this arbitrary Assigned Box to even start to figure out what i’m Really like. but Schools aren’t out here about like allowing for people to be varied individuals and shit. plus, weirdly i’m not sure if i hadn’t had that “Positive” Label to supplant any others that my autistic ass would’ve been largely left alone as much as it generally was............even I didn’t get through middle school w/o some light bullying peppered in there but hey for the most part i got by. and like, i remember 15 was a time for a wild Agonizing Spike cuz that was the point i was having to try to settle on a college major and i was like bitch i don’t know!!! for starters how is every 19 / 20 y.o supposed to know!!! but like litchrelly a year and a half ago my ass was in middle school and barely had any opportunities to individually choose what to pursue, and even if i Had an interest i would sometimes assume if it didn’t seem like The Smart Kid choice i would just assume that like, my interest would only be Allowed to go so far. so yeah i’m 14-15 for the first time having a little breathing room and allowed to pick out my own shit and investigate various stuff (cuz of the luck of getting to live on campus aka parents are Not around and i can be around for more than just Classes) and yet like, that wasn’t enough time to suddenly Fully Realize The Whole Of My Own Identity And What My Actual Passions And Life Goals And Etc Are. plus i kinda remember that i figured i’d flunk out and so was kinda Not spending freshman year expecting to actually be able to do this college thing.....so yeah i always distinctly remember the Stress of sophomore year with this Timer counting down of “gotta declare a major oh god” and trying somehow to Realize What I’m Even Like (i did partially lmao outside of the Academic aspect of it) and obviously like, that’s a Lot.......................plus it was kind of doomed anyways cuz i do remember that when i even mentioned the fact of like “hey what if i majored in ______ [cuz i’m evidently actually like thinking social issues are what i’m thinking i could dedicate my attention to, i’m 15 idk trying to figure this shit out]” and it got immediately brushed off cuz of my mom’s assumptions about what i was like based on my being Smart(tm) and my not wanting to tell my parents about anything Actually about myself by that point so that was like..........well cool to know that that’s not an option for me anymore thanks to immediate dismissal........................like i totally remember that by sophomore year i was def Swiss Idol and “i don’t have a clue what to major in” was a big part of that 9_9...............and like, doing college early is kinda crazy but also Not having high school to mayyyybe figure things out for a bit before hurtling towards Declare Major at 92384 mph is like, would it have helped? who can say. but for example, i know Now i’m a theatre gay, and the limited number of friends-ish i made at college was basically all theatre gays what a surprise, but i myself didn’t ever touch that because i had No direct experience with it, because middle school didn’t have that extracurricular, and then being dropped into hs with people who did? i was like fuck i’m not auditioning for shit i really don’t know how to do. i’m not even Supposed To Be Here goddamn!! i can karaoke avpm in the first floor lounge that’s IT!! fuckin r.i.p. but i mean also i Know high school is it’s own fuckin mess that’s hardly like “flourish as individuals!!” all a sudden. like how i don’t know if i’d’ve been “solid B’s” gang if i would’ve had more room to just figure out my own shit earlier, or if things would’ve been even More miserable cuz of my replacement Type being something more frowned upon cuz weird loser was def waiting in the wings............and then of course Smart Kid expectation constraints wasn’t hardly the only issue in holding back that “oh wait but what am i like *Actually*” process cuz if i was in high school i would’ve been around my parents every day and That was just as much if not more a hindrance in figuring myself out. like going to college may have been useful in that yes i did learn shit but if nothing else i am glad for it b/c the strides i made in “god damn i have to get away from these people (my parents lmfao)” and knowing at least that i’m not Like what THEY thought i was like was E ssen tial Knowledge..........but anyhow like the point of looking back on this shit isn’t to figure out How To Have Run The Perfect Course cuz obviously what’s the point in imagining as broad a what-if, but it’s good for Understanding shit currently..........like oh yeah this crap probably Affected me!! and you gotta know the history to understand the present...............it’s just really wild how like, Passion and (rarely activated) Energy And Intense Interest is like, what i consider my Thing now, and that was like. not what i ever heard anyone else tell me that’s what i’m Like, like, ever basically. i mean not that i don’t think i’m Not smart. it’s just like, not my whole thing and it just kinda feels more incidental, right. What If the whole time i’d been able to pursue whatever i felt like is a wiiiiiiiild question i don’t even know. there’s been so Little of that that’s its absolutely off the shits to be able to put together “oh right i’ve been a theatre gay all along” and “actually i Have performed on stage a decent number of times and supremely thrived in those experiences and i Know i was interested cuz i wished like (@ my family: dni)” and have this very simple (and thus far unusable) Knowledge about something i actually like and am interested in, cuz for the most part it’s [??? ?? ? ?? ???]

on a shorter but related note: the Camaraderie i feel with everyone in the “either has or wants to or would even seriously consider Cutting Ties with parent/s" gang and like, always very Interested in the various experiences within this v broad category. cuz there are so many factors playing into Why you’re in this group and then there’s so many factors in regards to whether someone actually feels able to ditch a ‘rent or two, and then beyond that, all the factors in whether someone’s actually able to............like, knowing that it’s never “lucky” to have to be in this group in the first place, i fairly am Lucky about it in many ways cuz, first of all, lucky to have been able to actually execute [eff off from parents] maneuver, and lucky to get to Know that’s what i totally needed to do........we are all Valide in how we try to deal with relations w/ parents that are so bad you even have to think about “maybe i have to Not Have This Person In My Life At All” and like, when people are dealing with that but Don’t feel they have the option to truly cut that parent or two out of their life, that’s like, well as someone who once felt that way and can Empathize and yet also had these Factors Line Up which let me peace out which aren’t factors that are in play for everyone (as well as a lack of other factors which Are relevant for others and which might mean Leaving Behind Parent/s 5eva isn’t an option they’d consider) it’s like Oh wow, let me hear more about that experience. tldr the camaraderie

oh and ps. it’s funny how like, in my post-being-in-school life, i thiiiiiiiink people usually probably assume i’m Kinda Dumb if anything. cuz the Grades don’t exist anymore but i’m still autistic!!!!! which is another wild factor in thinking about like “well what if [some aspect of my life] had been entirely different, hmmm” cuz it’s like. well i’d’ve still been autistic lmao..............the Social shit has like, been an issue even before the other usual shit in school cuz i Knew i wasn’t fitting in at preschool when all we were doing was like, learning colors and going outside. and it always was a bit distressing to me Never really having more than a couple friends and even then not that close or anything, right? and also how i’d try to Fix this with various strategies and trying out different situations like “oh well i’m not putting myself out there i’ll put myself out there” [tries it and it half-backfires] or “well if i’m spending a weekend with people who know me from Online they’re gonna like me for sure” [majority of ppl in a sub Friend Group i’m peripheral to and i’m intermittently stressed the whole time] “Ah Fuck” lmao and honestly only recently am i like oh right..............when you’re autistic socializing just in a very fundamental way is really like That*.................(*a way i can’t easily explain lmao)............like really just in mad recent times kind of realizing like, oh, okay, i don’t think i can ever Adjust My Approach and just suddenly become good at Easily Makes Friends and that kind of shit..............finally just kinda realizing like ohh right okay i really just do Not do “normal good conversation” like you’re supposed to and that’s just chill The Way It Is not necessarily “not good enough at it” way but It Just Is Different way like........yeah it can be Not Pointless to try to modify your social approach and that’s true for absolutely anyone, but like say, if i’m like oh if i simply get Better at [social interaction task] i will then finally be Good at it, it’s like, shit well that’s honestly just not how it works for me. like, #getting how after a point it’s like “okay learning to do [task] in a way that’s more [like this] is maybe gonna be better for Masking / seeming allistic but like, not for Actually giving me a social experience that’s more fulfilling for Me.” Plus, it’s like, i’m also way more (or okay at least As Much) socially limited by external factors, probably. 

pps oh and also, tangentially related b/c Autistique, it’s wild how every time you delve into (something At All specific about autism) you’ll probably learn something Utterly new about autism which is like god damn this isn’t That niche why haven’t i heard this!! why do i have to know there are 538 other would-be “i should already know this” revelations waiting for me about this topic cuz you have to manage to dig up this stuff on your own and dodge all the unhelpful bullshit types of sites where it’s Not about info from people / for people who are autistic? please. it’s almost like this is a constant and important part of my identity that affects p much every aspect of my life and is helpful to hear others’ info about the collective experience of it b/c like, it’s literally all in your own head and you can’t just somehow Know the ways you’re different in that realm just from emergent traits you can pick up on and figure out. ugh!!!! anyways

this is LONG but NO readmore b/c eh. who am i if not [i hope everyone hates my blog this week.jpg] every week

[illumoux]

IB ➞ Art school???

I’ve gotten some PMs with questions about taking the IB Programme in high school and how it’s now affecting me in art school now so I thought I would finally do a Post(TM) about it. Again, everything I’m about to talk about is based on my personal experience but please feel free to talk with me if you have any concerns about this post. I want to put myself out there and help others if I can since I had so much support getting to where I am now. If you have any other questions about art college or the likes, please feel free to shoot them my way 💘

WHAT IS IB?

The International Baccalaureate Programme (aka. IB) is a “fast paced” program for middle and high school students that’s supposed to promote students to think independently and critically. At my school, there was a set courselist, with one or two elective choices. Some courses were Standard Level (SL) and some were Higher Level (HL), which certain post secondary schools allow to swap out for first year credits. IB is different in different schools and different countries though, but overall, It’s meant to be an alternative and more challenging high school experience. 

IB + ME: 

I can’t say I had the most positive time in IB or anything since I was also REALLY struggling with mental health at the time and had hated every moment I was in high school. But upon reflection, there really were things to be gained from the experience. Pros and Cons. 

I was in full IB until second semester grade 10. At that point, I was already thinking about studying art after high school, but was afraid to commit to it entirely because there was so much pressure from my parents and peers to go into a “respectable” career and get a “high paying job in science or math or business” or something. So I dropped to partial IB as a compromise and took IB math, Art and HL English, as well as regular Ontario Uni level Physics, Bio, CompSci, etc etc etc. 

DO YOU USE ANY OF THE STUFF YOU LEARNED IN IB CLASSES IN ART SCHOOL? 

No. 

I have an official credit for Grade 12 Advanced Functions but the most math I do now is occasionally multiplying by 12. Could I solve a quadratic equation now? Don’t even know what that is anymore. 

BUT! You never know what could inspire you. I was so interested in quantum physics, I’m literally writing a story about parallel universes. Learning is almost always good. 

LET’S TALK ABOUT IB ART FOR ONE HOT SECOND: 

I did find IB Art incredibly applicable and helpful because it taught me how to keep a sketchbook and understand the creative process, neither of which you actually directly get graded on in the animation program at Sheridan but is personally tremendously beneficial for developing ideas and creating pieces. Now I draw thumbnails for everything I do. And I appreciate them!

Even if you walk away from IB Art with the most garbage collection - no sweat, it’s only high school and it’s learning the process of creating art that is so so important! When I applied for Sheridan Illustration (the same year I was accepted into Sheridan Animation), I basically repeated a simplified version of the IB Art process and was accepted into the program with a portfolio score of 80, with 9/10s in Process/Ideation, Media Exploration and Sketchbook, which you REALLY focus heavily on in IB Art. 

I would highly recommend taking IB Art if you are thinking about doing art after high school, or doing art in general. 

BEING AN ART STUDENT IN IB:

I hate that Art Kids(TM) have a bad rep. People always assume that art is a dead end career and we all starve and we’re all morally questionable people but that’s not true at all!

But being that Token Art Kid in IB (outside of IB Art class) actually made me feel awful back then. I was always kind of an odd one out. That’s not to say that people weren’t nice or anything. But there was so much pressure to not go into art. Ever since I was a kid, I’d always wanted to be an “artist when I grow up” but I found that in high school, I’d often say that I was “interested in art but was also thinking of pursuing an alternative career in this and that” because I was afraid of being looked down on in an environment where everyone around me wanted to do something “brainy”. Admitting that I wanted to do art almost felt self depreciating because everyone else was actually going to get a “real job” and live “better lives”. But that’s totally not the case! I ended up spending a lot of time taking a bunch of science and math courses I didn’t really like to maintain my twenty thousand irrelevant Back-Up Plans.

IB AND LEARNING SKILLS: 

I think no matter what you do, having good organization and time management skills is always going to be so so important! 

Sheridan Animation is such a loaded program, you really have to try to schedule your time well. I used to complain about the IB courseload but I honestly feel like Sheridan Animation is so much more laborious. We had 8 courses + an elective last semester, each about 2 to 3 hours a week, plus all the time you had to put into doing homework and living life and sleeping. 

Even though IB is meant to keep you busy to force you to learn good work ethics, I don’t think forcing someone to work harder necessarily means that they are going to learn how to manage their time. I was 100% unmotivated and depressed and self destructive in high school. I was in IB for four years but I always studied the night before an exam up until the very last one. And when I graduated and moved out, I realized that I was a mess and I had to change, and it was that self realization was what motivated me to learn how to slowly put together my life back together. Only then did I start taking steps to curate my life and learn how to plan ahead and schedule my week and get! stuff! done! 

So all in all, maybe IB does put you in an environment where having good learning skills will benefit you, and maybe that will motivate you to learn how to maintain a good work ethic. But I really do think skills like how to study and learn and live life is something that you have to be aware of as an individual and want to work towards. Being in IB may help with those things, but it isn’t going to suddenly grant you powers to study two weeks in advance and keep track of all your assignments in a way that works for you. You have to learn to do that yourself. 

HL CREDITS (AT SHERIDAN): 

Not all schools acknowledge HL credits. Sheridan claims to. I know people in Sheridan Animation who have used their HL credits at other universities before coming to our school but I’ve never spoken to anyone at Sheridan who has used them in a Sheridan program. 

This is lowkey a call out post @ Sheridan, but I have tried applying for advanced standing with my IB HL credit to replace my electives twice, but neither time went through. They claimed to not have the proper paperwork, and when I paid for IB to send my transcript to Sheridan, it was never found (despite there being a confirmation email from IB that it had been sent to the right place) so I was unable to get it processed due to a lack of paperwork. And when I tried to follow up through email, I was ignored. 

(If you have successfully gotten your HL credit request to go through at Sheridan, please PM me and tell me how :’^)) 

I do know for a fact that even if you could, in theory, replace some electives at Sheridan with your HL credits and as long as you still had enough courses a semester to consider you a full time student, you would still pay the same amount of tuition. You would just be less busy. 

SHOULD I TAKE IB THEN? 

Honestly, it’s up to you and your own life! 

I know I rambled on for so long only to give the most passive and watery advice but I think you should do what you believe is best for you! Just be aware that whatever you choose is going to lead you to a different future and all your actions will have consequences (good or bad or either) and be okay with that. 

Sometimes, I wish I didn’t do IB so I could have more free time to draw. Maybe if I drew more in high school, I would have gotten into Sheridan Animation a year earlier. But if I did that, I wouldn’t have learned how to paint in Art Fundies and have the friends I do now and live with people I love. Everything I’ve ever done up to this point has brought me here and I wouldn’t change a thing about the past so all I can do is work on making my future, you know :)) 

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. Good luck! 

[helena-studyblr]

a post no one asked for!

hello so i reblogged a questionnaire a lil bit ago and i’m going to answer them now because...why not

1. how old are you?

im 18!

2.  are you in high school or college(university)?

college

3. what year or grade are you in high school or (university)? 

im a freshman in college

4. what is your school’s grading system look like? do you like it? what problems do you have with it, if any? 

so my university has a standard letter grade system for most classes and pass/fail for some courses that don’t really need a grade. i do like it because it’s what i’m used to, however, a lot of times having a letter grade system can be more stressful because it makes you feel like anything but some kind of A is mediocre and not good enough, when in reality, a 75% or above is better than average.

5. if you are in high school do you plan on going to university or college? if you are in college do you plan on finishing and if you do, do you plan on continuing on to other graduate or professional schools? 

i plan on going to veterinary school after i finish my undergraduate degree! if i end up changing my major to my second choice(music education is my second choice), then of course I won’t be going to vet school.

6. if you are high school what do you plan to study in college, if you plan to go. if not, what do you plan on doing after high school? if you are in college what is your major? do you plan on changing it? 

i am currently studying biochemistry and molecular biology and i have a minor in music! i dont plan on changing it at this point, but if i do, i’d change it to music education.

7. why are you picking or why did you pick what you are currently studying? 

i want to go to vet school, and biochemistry has almost all the requirements for vet school admissions. also, i find it interesting

8. do you go/plan to go to community college, technical college, or a four-year institution? how did you make your decision, or how do you plan to?

i am at a 4 year university, and i went here because it fits what i want to do

9. what factors did you consider when picking a college, or what factors do you plan on considering? 

the college I chose is in my hometown, which is probably one of the deciding factors(i really wanted to be close to home). the campus is very pretty and small as well, and i really wanted to go to a small college. i could have potentially gone to The Ohio State University because i’m about 20 minutes away, but the camous is so big and i know i would have hated it. the school also has a good music program, soi can continue playing even though it isn’t my major

10. what is your favorite pencil?

i love my muji mechanical pencil and also the papermate clearpoint!

11. what are your top three favorite pens?

pilot juice, muji gel pens, and sharpie pens

12. do you prefer wide-ruled paper, college-ruled, dot-grid, or graph paper? 

college ruled is my favorite for class notes, graph paper for revised/nice notes/math work, and blank for planning generally

13. do you use different types of paper for different courses or classes?

i use college ruled for almost everything except math homework(i use graph)

14. do you use a backpack/bag for school or college and what kind is it? why did you choose it? price, quality, function, design? 

i use a backpack, i have no idea what brand it is, but its the perfect size for everything i need to take to classes and its also really pretty(it has a black background with flowers on it)

15. what is your favorite outfit to go to class in and why? 

i generally wear leggings and a sweatshirt/sweater just because they’re comfy and also look cute! if its warm enough, i wear flip flops but if not, i wear my vans or converse.

16. what is something you always have to have in your backpack or bag?

usually my laptop and pencil case

17. what is your least favorite subject and why? 

math!!!!!!! will always hate. guarunteed. 

18. have you ever gone to tutoring, if so, how has it helped your academic endeavors? 

i have not

19. have you ever seeked academic counseling, if so has it helped you?

i haven’t

20. has your mental health ever suffered during high school or college, and what did you do to cope? 

holy shit yes. i suffer from depression and anxiety(depression for almost a year and anxiety for 4 years). i could make a whole post about this but in general, i make sure i give myself time to relax. it can be so so hard to take care of yourself when you suffer with things like this, so even if you can barely get out of bed, try to make time to do things that make you happy. for me, it’s drawing, netflix, and video games.

21. do you like to listen to music when studying? if so, what genre, if you have a playlist share it! 

i do listen to music! i just listen to music i like, which is rock/pop punk/alt rock/etc. (here’s one of my playlists!: https://open.spotify.com/user/helenakitten14/playlist/4R6ZGIlz8K5UDEk80cVfV5?si=cXK0z3HTRUKCQSKx9F8tNA )

22. do you prefer to study at a library or at home at your desk?

depends what i’m working on and how much i have to do. if i feel like i have to be totally focused, i go to the library, but if i have some time to take breaks and get distracted, i just stay in my room. I also hate going to the library on my own, so sometimes i stay in my room anyway if no one can come with.

23. what are your top three items you keep on your desk?

my lamp, my laptop, and whatever drink i’m drinking while working( i always have a drink so i avoid snacking lol)

24. do you feel as if you are more productive during the day or in the evenings? 

evenings for sure

25. if you exercise, do you feel as if it affects your productivity and if so how? 

i do marching band which is usually my exercise, but i don’t work out. working out just exhausts me and i don’t have energy to begin with(ye ye depression)

26. do you participate in any extracurriculars and if so how do you manage your time?

marching band and wind ensemble! i’m also joing KKPsi, which is an honorary fraternity for music service! i am not great at time management, however, i plan out everything to hold myself accountable

27. do you use a bullet journal, a planner, or to-do lists? do you use a combination of all three? 

i use a combo of all three! i’ve been bullet journalling a lot recently, but i also use a planner during busy weeks when i dont have time to make a spread and i make to do lists for weekends

28. do you have a note-taking style?

nothing specific

29. do you have a color-coding system?

i like to make every different topic/spread a different color. also, when i make notes, i like to highlight vocab words.

30. what do you believe is one of the most overrated studyblr trends? 

100 days of productivity. its impossible to be completely productive for 100 days straight. shit happens, and i understand the purpose of the 100 days challenge, but i think it also takes a toll on you mentally.

31. what are your career goals, how do you plan to reach them? 

i want to be a veterinarian or someone that works with animals somehow. i hope to go to vet school and then have my own practice or join another practice.

32. do you use a laptop? if so which model? how does it perform, would you reccomend it? if not, what model would you like?

i use a macbook air! it is nice because it is easy to transport, but occasionally the functionality can be questionable(storage space is always my issue). i do reccommend it, though. if i could get a new laptop, i’d probably get a macbook pro. 

33. do you use a tablet? if so which model? how does it perform, would you reccomend it? if not, what model are you interested in?

i don’t, but i think having an iPad would be nice!

34. if you post pictures to tumblr, do you use a camera or your phone, if so, what is the model? 

i use my iPhone 6s

35. 0.5, 0.7, or 0.9 pencil lead? 

usually .5 or .7

36. 0.5, 0.7, 0.9, or 1.0 pens? 

.5

37. how many hours a day do you spend studying? are your hours consistent daily or do they differ depending on assignments and exams? 

i tend to study for a majority of the day most days, but it always differs. i have no set timetable

38. how many courses do you take? what are they?

so i am in 8 courses right now. Biology, Gen Chem, Bio Lab, Gen Chem Lab, Calculus I, The History of rock n roll, Wind Ensemble, and Marching band.

39. how long until you graduate? in credit hours, semesters, or years?

i still have 3.5 years left of college, which is 7 semesters

40. how did you find the studyblr community?

honestly i dont remember, it was so long ago

41. how did the studyblr community impact you? 

i was in a big funk my sophomore year of high school. i had no motivation, i hated learning, i hated everything tbh. but them i found this community and it inspired me and showed me that studying can be fun and pretty while also being a learning experience!

42. do you go to school in the day or night?

day!

43. what is something you are too afraid to be involved in at school or college and why? 

 in high school, i was very afraid to get involved with a lot of things, such as theatre and some other clubs just because of anxiety.

44. do you type or write your notes? 

i write them mostly, but my biology professor talks really fast so i usually type notes for his class

45. what do you do on your breaks from studying? 

netflix, eat, play video games, probably other stuff i’m forgetting

46. how do you study for math exams?

honestly i just look through lecture notes and hope for the best. occasionally i do practice problems but not often

47. do you rewrite your notes at home after class, or do you just use the ones you have already? why? 

i rewrite them because it helps me memorize things

48. what are your least favorite courses and why?

math of any kind! i also hate biology right now just because my professor sucks

49. are you in a relationship while in school? if so, why? if not, why? 

i recently got out of a relationship, but im open to being in a relationship with someone

50. if you are in a relationship, how do you manage that along with your studies? 

it was very hard to manage it honestly, but i did what i could to make time, even if it was only just having a meal together. 

51. if you aren’t in a relationship, do you plan on entering one while still in school? explain. 

if i find the right person, yea! being in relationsips is great, especially because you have a companion to help you when you’re struggling

52. do you worry about GPA, if so why, if not why?

oh my god yes i do. i have to have a certain GPA to keep my scholarship money and to stay in the honors program, plus i just want to do well.

53. did you or do you plan to take the SAT or ACT, how did you feel about the exams? did you study for them? have you taken it more than once?

i did take both the SAT and ACT. i did well on each, but the SAT was a lot harder for me. I got a 1220(i think) on the SAT and a 31 on the ACT. i took the ACT twice

54. did you or do you plan to take the GRE, LSAT, PCAT, MCAT, DAT (or any other grad exam)? how did it go? how are you or how did you study for it? have you taken it more than once? 

i’m going to take the MCAT

55. do you or did you take AP classes is high school? how do you feel about how they prepared you for college? did your school require you to take the exam?

yes i did take AP classes! i took 9 total, and they overall did help me learn how to manage time better as well as how to study. we weren’t required to take the exams, but i always did

56. do you or did you do the IB program in high school? can you explain it more for those who are unfamiliar with it? 

i did not, however the IB program is basically an intensive high school honors program that is very writing intensive. its like AP on steroids

57. do your or did you take dual-enrollment classes? how did you feel about how they prepared you for college? 

i didnt but i wish i did!

58. how many colleges or universities did you apply to or not? and why?

i applied to 5 colleges. i already knew where i wanted to go, but i wanted to be safe just in case i didnt get in, so i applied to the 5 i was most interested in. I also wanted to see if any other schools would give me a lot more financial aid.

59. how did you make friends in college or high school?

through band! in both situations

60. has your friend group stayed the same throughout your time in school?

yes actually! i’m still very close to all my high school friends and a few of them go to my college as well. of course i’ve met new people but i. also still have the same friends

61. how does your friend group influence your goals?

we all have our own goals, we just encourage each other and act as an outlet for stress

62. what is your favorite thing to learn about in your free time?

music and current events

63. what is your favorite study snack?

i like to eat carrots/pretzels with hummus or oreos

64. what is one thing that can completely make you stop studying? 

being depressed or tired

65. are there days during the week that you keep completely free from studying? 

yes. wednesdays are my hell days class-wise, so i refrain from doing work on those days after my classes are over

66. what do you do when you have to hustle? where do you go? 

i dont know what this means

67. are your parents or family supportive of your goals? if so how does this affect you? 

they’re very supportive!

68. do you like to read? and do you ever have any free time to do so?

i really love reading but i never have time

69. do you wear a watch? why or why not? what kind? 

nope, they annoy me

70. do you like to drink coffee or tea when working? decaf? what do you add to it? why do you like to drink coffee or tea? 

coffee with full caffeine! i always add creamer, and i drink it because it wakes me up 

71. how do you organize your notes after your finish writing them? 

i have notebooks for every class and binders as well

72. what do you do with your notes after the year or semester is over?

i either recycle them if they won’t be necessary anymore or i keep them in my closet

73. what are your favorite studyblrs?

studyign, emmestudies, and a lot more that i can’t think of

74. what are your favorite studygrams?

same as above except add on focusign and revisign!

75. what is the biggest impact a teacher or a professor has had on you?

my band director was very impactful on my life just because he was my teacher for 5 years, so we had a good relationship

76. what is the biggest impact that a class has had on you?

my film and lit class had a massive impact on me. it made me think in very different ways

77. who is your inspiration and who do you look up to academic wise and career wise? 

my dad inspires me a lot because he worked so hard to find a career he loved and kept going until he got there. he’s also endlessly supportive of me

thats it! this took me so long hahaha anyway. thanks for reading!

[cottagecrowe]

Tiny Artist Rant

**Disclaimer: Obviously I’m kinda stressed out, so my thoughts are a little messy, and long. I tried to edit this as best as I could, but if something isn’t clear, you’re totally free to ask about it if you feel moved to~!! Thanks~ 💕** 

So when I was taking animation class, I sorta learned the hard way that when I have deadlines for it, it sucks the joy out of it, and the life out of me. At least it does when I don’t have TVPaint.

That’s fine! That doesn’t bother me at all to keep it as a hobby on the side, so I can keep the enjoyment in it~! So lately I’ve just been hyper aware of a lot of weak points about my art in general. (Don’t let that come as a shock, haha. Every artist has something to improve on~ For me it includes the Fundamentals mostly.) The lack of art I have for my shop, the total absence of any portfolios. I really want/need a job/to be commissioned so bad, guys you don’t even know :’ )

I’m not GOOD at anything else, and I feel like if I tried to get any kind of ‘normal job’, I’d just sink into depression from feeling like I’d never have enough time to work towards what I WANT to do. 

And art takes a lot of time! I’m still struggling with figuring out how much time I should devote to chores I have now, chores I’ll have when I live on my own, time to relax and let off steam, spend time with friends, etc., and still spend a good chunk of my day/s doing a reasonable chunk of work. And KEEPING that schedule (whether it’s in my control to or not), is hard. Still need to go to someone to see if I’ve maybe got ADHD or something (idk what it is, but I’m sure it’s SOMEthing. I struggle with doing these things immensely. : / ) 

Anyway, I’d really like to freelance, since right now I’m in no shape to move anywhere. (Kinda need money to do that lol). If I had money to move? I’d move and apply for Cartoon Network or something, probably! (That’s one reason I wanna apply for Yotta, because they’ve worked with them before, and I’d love to have my foot in the door by a small company that’s worked on such beautiful animations!) Though they’re only one studio that accepts freelancers, and while I’d apply for a storyboarder (and loooove to storyboard, don’t get me wrong!), I think my heart will always mostly be in character concept and design. Apparently it’s rather difficult to find a studio that just advertises itself to freelancing character designers :’ ) (I’m sure it would be fine for me to apply as both to Yotta, but I’m also sure I’d get more work as a storyboard artist with them more than anything else. Which is totally fine cause I still love storyboarding, but you see where I’m coming from with this, right?) Would just be nice to know of other studios similar to Yotta that I could apply to and freelance for, is all~ Back up plans and things like that. No one applies for just one job/college after all! 

I’m also worried in general how my art style would even be received by studios, honestly. I’m not at all creative when it comes to horror, barely when it comes to sci fi, or creatures. Most of my stuff is either modern, fantasy, half-human creatures, birds maybe, humans from different time eras, and very ethereal human type forms. And the shapes, IF there’s even any at all (again a weak point I need to work on, but if it comes to VERY VERY cartoony styles (think loony toons), I really don’t have a lot of natural inspiration for that kind of thing? If it’s something like Life is Strange, or Portal, or SU, or The Last Unicorn, then that’s right up my ally, though! Usually, anyway ^^“ I guess you could say it’s a sort of 'aesthetic’ that I’m 'naturally’ good at and get a lot of 'natural’ inspiration for.) 

Idk why, but for whatever reason, I don’t typically tend to see people with art similar to mine doing things like applying for character design jobs for things like this. They’re all already successful enough to pay rent bills by taking commissions and having a shop. Sadly, I’m not lucky like that (yet). So while I can accept that that means, while working for a studio, I WILL end up working on things that I don’t like (not that artists who take commissions don’t have that problem often enough too, but they’re also their own boss and make their own deadlines so they can ease their suffering slightly, in most cases), I am very worried it will drain me like my animation class did. And that was ridiculously awful. I was able to have good discipline for everything but the final 2 months of the last level of the class I took. And I wanted it to be over so much, that I knew very well I was avoiding my assignments like the plague. Of course I still turned them in on time, but I was hardly satisfied with the amount of work I had been able to do by doing that to myself. (And don’t get me wrong, I loved that class and teacher! Wasn’t their fault at all, I just learned something about myself, haha) 

I’m just worried that’ll happen in a job, if I don’t like what I’m working on anymore, or grow sick of it. Regardless of wether I like it or not, I do genuinely have a desire to do a good job, and make the client happy with the work/amount of work I did. It makes it worth it! (Not just the fact that they’ll be paying me, but the fact I know and won’t feel guilty about the fact that they didn’t waste their money.) And worried that’ll start to make me resent art in general (especially if it happens too often). I would l o v e to be able to make a living off of commissions and/or patreon and have a solid enough understanding of composition/perspective/backgrounds to do my own comic novels, and sell prints and stuff, and take commissions, and make enough to live comfortably and healthy. I would love that. I would love to have enough support that I could work on nothing but whatever I want to (not WHENever I want to, but WHAT I want to~!), and have the discipline to get it done as my own boss, more than the times I know I have/will continue to have when that drive just isn’t there. 

So… anyone else relate? Anyone around who lives off commissions that knows this struggle, who can give pointers? Anyone who struggles with this who works for a studio? Anyone who can/can’t relate at all, but wants to be an angel and bring any studios to my attention that’ll hire storyboard artists as well as concept/design freelance artists? :’ ) So I have more than one option when I get portfolios together at long last?

Also if you made it down here, god bless you you trooper, goodness!! And for anyone wondering, my art blog is @godsgirlrachelart

[s3venpounds]

1-98

thank you my dewd for giving me something to do! ngl was going kinda insane and i’ll take anything over doing chores tbh also sorry if this is hella late

weird asks that say a lot

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

coffee mugs usually because they hold more liquid and i use them for everything lol tea, coffee, alcohol, soda

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

lollipops, i like having something in my mouth for long amounts of time(and yes pun intended)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy oh my god. I have such a sweet tooth its ridiculous. I once bought 7 large bags of cotton candy from K days and ate them for the next 2 months even when they got hard and probably nasty lmao i just love that shit. even cotton candy flavoured stuff ( except vodka. thats a trap. )

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

shy, reserved, well behaved basically i was a wimpy little shit

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I like them in glass cups so i can clean it afterwards and use it again later, waste makes me feel guilty

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

if its applied to me? pastel. I love brighter colors after i stopped wearing blacks greys and whites. they feel so good and look so nice. on someone im interested in? sportswear, formal, grunge, goth, pastel, tomboy. in no particular order. if its sportswear stuff that really highlights muscles and how toned they are just MMMMMMMM. formal is fuckkkkkkking attractive. like if the white collar shirt is unbuttoned halfway and the blazer is rolled up? or no blazer but with suspenders and the sleeves rolled up? OMG i will literally lick their collarbones idgaf

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphones, mostly because its just healthier for your ears, as much as i like earphones and use them more often i just prefer headphones cuz people usually dont bother me, i do dislike the hat hair though and how bulky they are

8. movies or tv shows?

im kind of a weeb so i much prefer tv shows with regular releases so im not waiting 6 years or something for avengers lol i need my fixxxxxxxxxxx

9. favorite smell in the summer?

after rain smell or during rain smell idk. carnival food? the ocean? just water scents i guess

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

dance or volleyball both of which im still doing to this day very happily c:

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

cereal, maybe some nutella, whatevers left over if someone cooked the night prior or just basic bacon eggs and rice. fried rice if im feeling lucky

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Emotions empty. YEET

13. lanyard or key ring?

lanyard. I’ve had the same spidergwen/ghost spider lanyard since like 2015 and i refuse to use another lol. it feels so cool to yank on the lanyard and swing it around

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

rock candy. hands down. that shit makes me nutty. like if i was an earth bender or some shit i’d make a giant club made of the stuff and smack people with it and lick it afterwards

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

the outsiders probably i mean its not like crazy favourite but like its the one i enjoyed the most out of the ones i was forced to read (i really hate being forced to do shit)

16. most comfortable position to sit in? criss cross as im doing right now lmao or sitting on one of my legs

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? ah shit I just threw them out cuz they were old af but i had these nike high tops with the little puffy thing that inflates the sides of the shoes to make it more comfortable and it was so good in the winter and summer. it like breathed enough to let my feet stay nice and cool but it also stayed warm and never let snow get in my shoes cuz they were so high they acted like boots. i wore those for like my entire highschool experience

18. ideal weather?

raining. or breezy day. wind makes me sleepy and rain makes me excited to jump around in puddles and run as if my lifes calling is pulling me towards it

19. sleeping position? 

I always sleep on my stomach. its my most comfortable position and i knock out so easily if i do. apparently its a family thing too lol my siblings all outgrew it but w.e

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? 

on a laptop or in my journal. the tapping of laptop keys makes me feel productive while writing in my journal makes me feel like itll be saved for the rest of my life

21. obsession from childhood?

psychology and the inner workings of the mind. why something thinks lowly of themselves, why someone thinks highly of themselves, how they came to this decision, why they thought to refuse this and that its really interesting to me to see peoples reasoning

22. role model?

not even a physical person but ALL MIGHT from my hero academia or boku no hero academia. yknow that phrase ? “ what would jesus do?” yeah its “what would all might do?” for me luuuuuuuuuuuuul

23. strange habits?

i dont really know any strange habits myself but im sure my friend justin knows a few

24. favorite crystal?

crystal???? uhhh i dont know much about this but i guess i would go with emerald? since its my birth stone?

25. first song you remember hearing?

a barney song. i shit you not.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

I dont really like the heat all that much. summer is just suffering to me tbh lol like what do you do when youve taken off all ur clothes, ur AC is dead and your room is the highest room in the house where all the heat gathers? nothing. you do nothing. you cry and almost get heat stroke.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

I loooooooooooove snowboarding im not good at it though but god damn its fun. specially with friends and learning together it makes me so happy seeing people grow c:

28. five songs to describe you?

fix you cold play(currently listening to this), im still here (treasure planet soundtrack) by john reznik, Good things fall apart Jon bellion, lost stars Adam levine, After Dark Asian Kung Fu Generation. is what i can say so far? i’ve got tons of songs i relate to those are the ones that just popped into mind

29. best way to bond with you?

be physical. touch me, graze me, be comfortable with me and hold up a conversation. As much as i like talking I LOVE hearing about the people im interacting with. hobbies, dreams, goals, nightmares everything. other than that? just spend time with me. any time is fine. i do prefer really deep conversations at like 3 am lol

30. places that you find sacred?

sacred to me? St. Clements park and not much else. a looooooooooot of shit has happened there. my first kiss, my worst break up, my best make up/make out, my best date. 

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

I got these leather boots that do a clack sound on pavement and i feel powerful as fuck. I got this really high quality black formal shirt from le chateau that breathes really well and highlights my figure. I have these black jeans with zippers above and below the kneecap that make me feel dope. so yeah full black lol. theres also this grey sweater i have that flows in the wing like a cape and i feel like a superhero when wind blows it behind me

32. top five favorite vines?

ok ok theres this one i cannot find again for the life of me but its like this asian guy sittin in a stall taking a dump and it cuts to an ice cream dispenser then some dude knocks on the door and the asian guy gasps and it cuts to the ice cream dispenser but goes backwards so the poop is like going back in and the asian guy goes like “ unnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhh” and shudders and i like fucking collapse a lung everytime i think about it. some of king vaders anime parodies are fucking hilarious, the dude who made that vine where “ if johnny has 23 dish soaps” and he goes “ wait why does johnny have 23 dish soaps” and he goes “ mind your business david” while playing with dishsoap lmao. OH OH and that one where the kid puts random shit on his head to signify its his mom like where he goes “ I like ya accent where ya from?” “ im from liberia” “ *in a whisper* oh my bad I like ya accent where ya from” yeah this is longer than i thought i’ll stop it here i still got like 60 questions left

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“lmao” i’ve now used to as a similar term to lol. sometimes i say it in irl like “ le mao” and i internally cringe everytime

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

pizza 73, sleep country canada “why buy a mattress any where elseee” and some spotify ads cuz theyre fucking everywhere

35. average time you fall asleep?

midnight or 10 at the earliest

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

god... uhhh.. one of those rage comics those old ass black n white memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag, i am NOT organized enough for a suitcase plus duffels i can carry across my chest like a backpack

38. lemonade or tea?

oof. lemonade from k days was really gooooooood. but tea is something im always comfortable with.. ill go with tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? cake defnitely. cake tastes more mellow while meringue is like a burst of flavour right away

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

a dude OD’d during school hours or that time a dude had a seisure in class

41. last person you texted?

clarence <3

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

jacket pockets if i wanna look badass, pants pockets if im just being a panda

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

oooof. uhh leather or bomber. leather because i love biker aesthetic too and bomber just looks comfy

44. favorite scent for soap?

i dont particularly have one but i do like old spice or irish spring

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

SUPERHERO. HANDS DOWN. fantasy second and sci fi 3rd.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

.... naked. only on days i cannot sleep at all

47. favorite type of cheese?

uhh fuck dude uhm.. toss up between cream cheese or parmesan

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

durian. I hate durian. its spiky on the outside, smells like burnt asshole but taste is redeeming

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

inside jokes with justin. just hanging out with the dude I had the best gut wrenching laughs of my life. laughs where my jaw hurt from laughing, i lost feeling in my cheeks, my face was red and couldnt stop crying. those laughs.

51. current stresses?

job security, love life, and friends who are currently getting more and more busy and cant hang out as often

52. favorite font?

IDK? Helvetica?

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry and typing.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

People are stupid as fuck. and coworkers are dangerous thanks alex for throwing a kitchen knife at me

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk if it counts since disney always makes fairytales but treasure planet?

56. favorite tradition? 

probably christmas because i think its super important who you choose to spend it with and who you DO spend it with is a sign of how much they mean to you

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

dads abuse, my biggest break up, my friends attempted suicide

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

yknow the devil sign you make by closing your hand in a fist except your pinky and pointer finger? i can make my pointer and pinky touch. I also have been told my volleyball spikes have been really good recently. uhh my dancing I guess? singing?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

EVERYTHINGS FINE WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

My hero academia. hands down.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

You got the makings of greatness in you, but you gotta take the helm and chart your own course! Stick to it, no matter the squalls! And when the time comes, you'll get the chance to really test the cut of your sails and show what you're made of! And... well, I hope I'm there, catching some of the light coming off you that day. TREASURE FUCKING PLANET BOIIIIIIIIIIS

62. seven characters you relate to?

jim hawkins, hikigaya hachiman, shoya ishida, natsuki subaru, Hinata Shoyo, Hiccup, roxas.

63. five songs that would play in your club?

oh god. uhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. learn to fly foo fighters? castle on the hill ed sheeran? man idk im not huge on clubs, just shit from like 2000′s rock bands that white person knows the lyrics to and probably screamed in their room when they were mad

64. favorite website from your childhood?

YTV when they first released those side kick things thos games were so cool except that one day where the sidekick turned into a monster i legit got scared lol

65. any permanent scars?

tons actually and i love em! they remind me that things happened and that i wont ever forget them. currently tryna get a scar for volleyball HEHEHE

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont know much about flowers but roses and lavender is nice. and that flower in philippines where if you touch it, it like curls into itself. 

67. good luck charms?

the keychains people i’ve fallen for have given to me. like this one bullet bill keychain AB gave me when we first met in highschool. i still have it. its faded and chipped in places but i feel like it makes me feel stronger yknow?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

birthday cake vodka. hands down. and i’ve literally tasted my own puss from an infected wound on accident

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

in philippines flies are always swarming around peoples food so what i learned was to rip up the napkin to look like that thing people used to dust the house and it keeps them away if you swing it at them

70. left or right handed?

right handed c:

71. least favorite pattern?

pattern? uhh anything disorienting i guess

72. worst subject?

math. 100% math. 

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

meatball marinara sub with like every sauce from subway

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

8. i think i have a high pain tolerance

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i dont remember.. maybe like 6?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

MASHED POTATOES.FRJISD

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

not a big fan of plants....

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

sushi from a grocery store. just cuz im not willing to pay 30 bucks for somewhat fresh stuff from a retaurant

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? school id funny enough

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

...what? i guess jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

FIREFLIES OWL CITYYYYYYYYY

82. pc or console?

console. i have a better understanding of how console plays vs computer. computer is too finicky for me and aiming is a lot harder. console i know how people on console move and how i move and how to aim. 

83. writing or drawing?

writing. if i knew how to draw though thatd be a different answer

84. podcasts or talk radio?

talk radio cuz i like to phone in and talk about my experiences lol i got to be on one actually it was dope

84. barbie or polly pocket?

uhhhhhh barbie?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

death. or atleast what happens afterwards

88. your greatest wish?

to be a hero. 

89. who would you put before everyone else?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Z

90. luckiest mistake?

one time in gym class we were playing dodgeball and i slipped trying to run backwards and a dude threw a ball at me but i kicked it in a way it went straight up and i had enough time to catch it

91. boxes or bags?

boxes, much better leverage and storing is like a game of tetris!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

lamps or overheads. sunlight has glare on my stuff and its hard to play and fairylights arent enough 

93. nicknames?

tin man, AG, metal man, poetry man, silverado, silver city, quick silver anything with silver really.

94. favorite season?

fall and winter. winter being the best

95. favorite app on your phone?

Epic seven

96. desktop background? its a picture of hinata shoyo from HAIKYUU!! doing a spike with wings on his back!

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

only 1. thats my own lmao

98. favorite historical era?

uhhhhhh shit idk. they all seemed pretty shitty tbh..........

[thoughtsgarden35]

2018.

2018 has ended and I want to at least write something about it before I totally forget what this amazing year made me or gave me, whatsoever. 

I remember I welcomed 2018 with JB’s family at their home. I was assigned at NPMC during that time and I was on New Year’s duty. I brought two gallons of ice cream and my very timid face. I was of course happy that I would not be welcoming the year in the office, but in a household full of smiles. This is actually the first time that I welcomed a new year in another family’s household. Nevertheless, I was super overwhelmed to be there during that time. The very second that 2017 left and 2018 entered, I was standing right beside JB. Thank you Lord for that. 

1st Alumni Homecoming- Sir Bolanos is a member of the host class for alumni homecoming 2018, thus we were all encouraged to attend the event. Coming back to my beloved Alma matter gave me this one of a kind feeling of happiness and excitement. Marching in the hallowed grounds of Borromeo along with the cavaliers and being the last class in the long gray line made me prouder that I was able to surpass the rigors of cadetship. Another thing is that I was able to hang around with my classmates who I spent the best four years of my life with. I realized how much I missed them. We are now on our own ways, own BOS and own paths. However with God’s grace, our class will always stand and be resilient as one SALAKNIB. 

On my 22nd birthday, JB gave me this little book of encouragement and inspirational quotes. It is tiny but the motivation that it can give you is enormous. I hosted a dinner at Yakimix with the close friends from NPMC and some classmates. A week later, JB flew to his first deployment in the south. It was his first trip via plane and our first time to be really on LDR. I remember accompanying him to the airport, seeing him walk through the gates and going back to BNS alone with water in my eyes. This is the profession that we chose, this is the career that we got ourselves into and this will be the setup of our relationship and of our lives for the next 20 or so years. 

On the 12th of April, I found myself reporting at OCNS as ADC. Yes, it happened very quickly. I think I wrote an article about my gloom about the idea of me being an ADC to whoever. When I was interviewed for the position, I, of course, answered enthusiastically. I corresponded as if I really wanted it. Maybe because I was taught to accept whatever is given to me. Thus, the issuance of orders hastened. It turned out, I am one lucky fucking ens to be of assistance to this well respected, outstanding and highly professional officer. I did not knew then, but I am blessed to be where I am now. 

One of the highlights of 2018 is when I got this schooling in Australia. This course was not originally for me, but who am I to refuse such incredible opportunity. My processing of the requirements became a lot easier because I am at the OCNS. After going through the procedure, I finally boarded Qantas airplane and flew for eight hours to Sydney. Their craft-superb; the airport-majestic and their English-very different (as expected). We waited for a couple of hours in Sydney before landing another craft for our flight to Melbourne. Again, one fancy flight to the number 1 most liveable city in the world. I spent a week at DITC for familiarization and orientation program. For five days, after every class, I went out to the city to not miss a chance to explore the wonderful place. Melbourne star, federation square, Flinders street station, Melbourne trams, Uni’s, I forgot the name of the river, their gigantic park, etc. I literally forgot their names and I am lazy to find it out in Google. After my 5 days, we flew back to Sydney for my course proper. That was in HMAS Creswell, Jervis Bay, New South Wales. During my 3 weeks stay there, I was able to explore the wonderful city of Wollongong, Sydney and Canberra. Thanks to the Jovin, my highschool friend who is a cadet at ADFA, Crystal, Teban’s college friend who is a resident nurse at Wollongong, Mr and Mrs Palenzuela and other PMMA graduates who became our foster family in Sydney. After a month of vacation (because NOLC was not really a course for someone like me), I went home with a thankful heart. 

Being an ADC kind of made my year gone so fast. I go to sleep every night equipping myself with everything that needs to know for tomorrow’s schedule and I wake up every morning making sure everything is ready for the day. I survived every single day carrying my bag on my left hand and with my two phones on the right. Every day, I see my boss everywhere. Every event, I make sure to get a nice photo and document it on his files. I get schedules of the navy’s top 3 from time to time and every changes in the schedules freaks me out. Every Saturday, I do my laundry and have my uniform ironed every Sunday. That is basically what I can recall from most of the mid 2018.

Moreover, our travel to Cebu, Zamboanga and Davao became as easy as a travel from HPN to GHQ. I experienced staying for several times in various hotels and FOIC’s cottages. One of the good things on it is that I was able to pay a visit to my classmates who are assigned in these areas.

One ordinary day in August, I received a call from JB and I was beyond happy. I actually get that kind of feeling every time I see his name popping in my phone. However, during this call, I sensed sorrow in his voice. He called to tell me that his nanay came to rest. I was a thousand miles away from him but I can feel right in that moment the sadness in his aura. It is one of the rare moments. A week after, he came for his emergency leave and we went straight to their house- the same house where we welcomed 2018. It was horrible. His mom was there and so were other of his family members. The scene was heart breaking. I hope every one of them were not miserable because their nanay was gone, but happy because she is now up above with God. As for me, I am very fortunate to have the pleasing opportunity to meet her. I know nothing about anything because I am just somebody, but with the little time that I got to have known her, I can say she is an amazing person.

October 2018, we travelled to China for the first ever ACMEX. Another first for me, another reason to thank God for a very astonishing year. We stayed for over a week in that gigantic nation. Together with Maam Myla and some senior officers, we boarded South China Planes going to Guangzhou. We stayed in a very beautiful 5 star hotel in the province- the White Swan hotel. I enjoyed the bath tub and the Jacuzzi in my room, thank you very much to our Chinese counterparts. At the night of our first day, we traverse the mighty Pearl River overlooking the vast buildings and colourful lights of the city. By the way I also enjoyed talking to my PLA counterpart who like me is not very fluent in English. After a couple of days, we flew to Zhanjiang via their PLA airforce craft. We checked in at Sheraton hotel and again, thank you for the huge tub! Our trip to China made us see how technologically progressive is this country. Imagine a hundred drones can be controlled by a single person in a single computer with them forming any letters or image in the sky. Some of them can even deliver your food right to your footstep. They have big ones that can be used for transportation and many other features that of course were not showcased to us, because they are who they are. They also have advanced ships, planes and weapons that are nothing compared to what we have. From a personal view, however, these innovations cannot ever surpass a nation that has compassion and people who are mindful of others.

Yuletide season came in quickly. I had no idea how the holidays would be for me, but I knew then that I would be delighted with the days to come, undoubtedly, I did. Christmas party at OCNS was simply amazing. My boss wanted it to be for the children of the men and women of our office. Magicians, singers, dancers and other entertainers were rented to grace the party. Our gathering ended at night with the parents happy because their children were happy. The next day, I was the OIC of the Support Group for the Christmas party of the Hinirang Class. After all the stress, I was delighted for the appreciation we received from my upper class men. The HPN Christmas party was my last day for 2018 at the office (of which, I am so thankful for).

Before heading home for the much awaited break, my fortune never ended for I had a couple of days free to spend with JB. We went strolling to the mall, watched movies, bought stuff and had our picture taken at a photo booth. This is how our dates are like. Simple things but each other’s presence makes it extraordinary. We also had lunch with his mom and a cousin at their favourite restaurant. Simply great.

Like the famous catch line from our local network, family is love. Indeed, family is what makes Christmas special. I realized lucky I am to have been able to spend it with my family. Nothing can ever compare to the joy that the completeness of my family brings. We went hiking on the 25th and enjoyed each other’s company to the fullest. On the 26th, we went to a photo studio and our happiness was captured in frames. Afterwards, we had a sumptuous lunch at Hill Station. Mom and dad went to North Haven for their three and a half hour relaxation time and the four of us went to try our thinking skills at Locked-In (for the record though, we did not made our way out of the room, sad but fun).

We spent the remaining days of 2018 watching movies of varying genre in Netflix, cleaning the house, doing laundry, making fun of Lynette and attending masses (in compliance to mother dear). We travelled to buguias on the 29th for Buansi reunion. I realized that my generation is no longer the one that runs around the house or builds blanket houses. We sit by the oldies and talk serious matters now. Yes, adulting realizations. I and mom went back to Trinidad first hour the next day because my dad was not feeling well. Forever thank God, my father was born stronger than the carabao.

We waived goodbye to 2018 and greeted 2019 lying in the couch and hugging our pillows. No fireworks nor loud noises were made inside our house. We just thanked God for we are complete, safe and sound were able to be there.

So this was my 2018- full of things to be grateful for. I do not know how to convey my thankfulness for just everything. I realized that I owe it to myself and to everyone to spend the coming years working in every manner that I can to repay the every goodness that I have received.

And I, thank You!

[iosaioscha]

On Gender and Sexuality

Disclaimer: I come from Indonesia and am *currently* Indonesian. For all the talk and bluster we espouse about “unity in diversity” or some other fancy buzzword, I can confidently say that we’re quite the conservative bunch. For starters, an overwhelmingly large Muslim population, practicing or not, shifts the cultural norms with which we derive our laws from. Adding to that is the sheer diversity of tribes and their respective customs, languages, etc. that also plays a part in the whole shebang.

 Right. Where was I going again? Ah, yes. Gender and sexuality. A mainstay of Tumblr discourse and the identity politics that bleeds heavily into real life discourse, as affected by cultural relativism and race relations. I actually have never given the topic much thought before like, two years ago, but since I literally spend my life online the exposure sure have given me some pause. I’m fairly sure I’m not straight at the moment, but years of denial did its toll on me.  There was even that one time I decided I’d change my name to Nina or some such and wear dresses (this was back when I was like, 5, btw).

 We were always taught that the non-negotiable gender binary; male and female corresponds to masculinity and femininity respectively. Any other variations are considered an aberration; the subject of ridicule and pity, relegated to the punchline of whatever crude joke there is today. Now obviously my exposure to Tumblr and The Internets™ means I know that while the binary system is well and alive in many places, it’s not non-negotiable. Just because you identify as something other than the norm doesn’t make you any less valid than those who do. Even my own damn bachelor’s thesis was on the connection between clothing and gender identity.

 For me, while I’ve thought about my own sexuality (definitely not straight), I haven’t given the same amount of pondering while blasting Gaga’s Born This Way on repeat in tears about my gender. I took a look down my waistband and went “right, yes, we’ll go with that”. I’m probably cis, but I don’t necessarily feel confidently connected to it. I mean I do identify as male, but it’s more out of convenience so people wouldn’t ask questions and potentially cause quite the commotion (Indonesia, remember?). I do sympathize with trans and non-binary individuals who have to explain and defend themselves when challenged on pronouns, clothing, or the toilet.

 As my thesis was on non-binary gender identities, I felt like I’m not supposed to explain the intricacies as it could and should have been done by actual non-binary individuals. But what made me took on the topic was actually the clothing, or gendered clothing, at least. I major in fashion design, and from the very beginning everything was gendered. For menswear we’ll make suits and trousers, while on womenswear we were allowed the variations in clothing type and techniques used. And fabric. And color. You know the rest. I’m not dissing menswear designers or people who do like them; it’s just that it’s kind of boring when you see the same stuff with vaguely different colors.

 And that brings us to cross-dressing. I mentioned cross-dressing a few times in my thesis, and it hinges on the belief that clothing inherently possesses gender. Like any other that strays from the norm, cross-dressing here is relegated to the butt of jokes. Men who crossdress are called waria, an amalgamation of wanita (woman) and pria (man). A shemale, if you will. The term does not differentiate between regular cross-dressers, trans individuals, and drag queens. I’ve dabbled in buying and wearing from the women’s department myself. I’ve worn 10cm heels, which I have an ability to walk in near instantly, while my sister pretty much falls over in anything over 5cm. I’ve worn women’s sweatshirts and cardigans, which was not that different from the men’s counterpart and cheaper, for some reason. I’ve worn makeup, which amounts to applying foundation and shaping/filling in my brows (eyeliners are my sworn enemy). I’m pretty sure all of those things aren’t inherently gendered, rather a product of our society that assigns heteronormative gender norms to literally anything.

 There are many news articles detailing the anti-LGBT stance the government and general public adopts over here, and I’m not going to look for them because it feels me with irrational (or rational?) rage towards society in general. My family is quite westernized, so they’re quite accepting. I haven’t come out formally to them (I like leaving hints and being indirect, that’s just who I am), but they do know my armchair activism will start whenever some religious figure who can’t even differentiate homosexuality and transgender talks their ass off on TV, and will not abate until someone changes the channel to something innocuous, like National Geographic or HBO. However accepting that they are, the central wisdom they espouse is as middle-class as they come. Don’t stick out. Don’t criticize the government. Don’t speak out. Have a 9-to-5 job and 2 children. Buy cigarettes and Starbucks frappe for mom. I made the last two up, but they’re mostly implied in actuality. How do you even improve the quality of life if you’re constantly told not to do anything about it because of your privilege? No wonder I always wanted to live overseas. Oh wait, don’t do that, my grandmother says. You’ll regret it because you’ll get homesick. I admit I will get homesick, but probably because of the cheap food instead of the homophobia.

 Anyway, I’m rambling here. My point is that your identity is valid, and don’t take shit from others because you like to wear clothes that corresponds to your own identity. I know I’m not giving up my trusted ankle booties, but that’s probably because I need that height boost. Then again, sneakers do feel comfy after 15 minutes of heels…

 Cheers,

Jossa

[bladinstimes]

How To Be Hermione Granger

The point of this article is to share some tips and tricks that I, an old Bladins student and current Lund University student, have picked up throughout the years regarding my study technique.

Much like probably most Bladins students, I have always been very ambitious and over-achieving, and thus, I have always obsessed over my revision and grades to the point of mental breakdowns. Every deadline and exam used to bring me massive amounts of anxiety and terror. Unfortunately this is very common today, students work themselves to their breaking points - over and over and over again.

Today I feel more confident that as long as I pay attention during lectures, do my reading and note-taking and give myself more than the night before to study, it should go well - and if not, there’s often a re-exam option. (PS. There’s no shame in having to take a re-exam. It saved my ass once or twice this semester.) However this is not, as the article could indicate, an article on how to actually be Hermione. This is a guide with some sound advice on how to study like her. Or something like that. I mean, what do I know? The books and movies don’t really tell us much about her actual study technique, just that whatever she does works (of course, she does have a time-turner to her advantage, which most of us don’t, which means we actually have to manage our time to get the best out of or study sessions).

I personally strongly identify as a Ravenclaw and even though Miss Granger isn’t in my house, she is portrayed as the brainiac in the HP trio. In a maybe nerdy way, she is an inspiration and role model to me when it comes to school-work. I mean, if Hermione can get good grades AND fight against You-Know-Who with her two BFFs whilst also having to save their asses, because Harry and Ron definitely don’t use as much brain power as she does, then I think I can get my assignment done on time… right?

1. Pay attention in class & take notes

I know, I know, it’s so tempting to look out the window or be on FaceBook or Tumblr whilst the teacher is going on and on about something boring you don’t understand. You may think why you would even need to know. Unfortunately for you, if you want to get a good grade, you do need to know that stuff. Thus taking notes is a very easy way to make sure you don’t drift away in daydreams. it will not only give you a great tool when revising for the test or writing the final assignment, it will force you to stay awake and listen to your teacher.

2. Make a study plan

Write down what you need to get done, when it needs to be done and prioritize it accordingly. Not only does this make you organized and it will be easier to know where to start (which is often the hardest part), it will also make it easier to check it off once you’re done and thus keep track of your revision (and trust me, it is so rewarding and almost exciting to get to check that box or cross it off the list). It will also show what you have left to do if you were to get side-tracked or if something pops up.

3. Make studying fun and cozy

I personally like to make it cozy by having coffee or tea from my favorite mug (a Ravenclaw one, of course, gotta rep my house) and maybe a fruit or something like that. I also like to make my notes look neat, use different colors when I can be bothered and have access to multi-colored pens, give myself little breaks and rewards and play instrumental music that help me focus. By making how you study fun and cozy, you’ll be more inclined to actually do it - because you’ll want to.

4. Get up and move

Studying is a sedentary activity - you need to get up and wake your body up every now and again. Walk to the kitchen and get some water, go to the bathroom, do ten jumping jacks, five push ups or something else. Another suggestion would be to do some stretches, especially focused on neck, shoulders and back because these muscles especially tend to get stiff due to forgetting to keep good posture whilst being focused on something else.

5. Try to use as many senses as possible

Reading the material is good - your sight is involved. Taking notes whilst reading is better - your sight and touch are involved. Taking notes whilst reading something you then read aloud is even better - your sight, touch and hearing are involved. I’m not sure it’s possible to include smell and taste, but if you always spray a certain perfume and eat a certain snack when studying the same subject, perhaps it would help you out if you then use that perfume and eat that snack before whatever you need the information for. But I haven’t tried that one myself.

6. Turn your technology off and away if possible, but if not, use the ”do not disturb” function

Sometimes you do need i.e your phone, perhaps you use it as a calculator for maths or you need it for your favorite study playlist etc. Turning it off would make it hard to use them in that case, but putting it on ”do not disturb” will prevent all those notifications and fun stuff from popping up, and thus, the thing will not steal your attention.

7. Make a general to-do list the day before

Is it just me or do you suddenly get really productive regarding general chores when you sit down to study? Your mom asked you to do the dishes, you have to clean your room, you need to meet up with your friend in town at 4PM, etc. Make a to-do list with everything you need and want to do that day apart from studying. This can then be done during your study breaks or when you’re done.

4 tips if anxiety steals your brain

1. Drink tea, preferably chamomile: tea in general is relaxing, but chamomile has been proven to have a calming effect, can ease tension-headaches etc

2. Listen to calming music: example of Spotify playlists I love are ”Wake up and Smell The Coffee”, ”chill.out.brain”, ”Pluggfokus” or any yoga/meditation-type music.

3. vent. Write everything to a friend or in a document to yourself. If you decide to write to a friend, finish it off by saying ”okay gonna go back and try to study now so if you write something I won’t see it nor reply until later but thanks for being here for me” or something to show them you appreciate them.

4. If all else fails and you’ve tried everything you can think of: allow yourself to not study. I don’t mean after trying for half an hour and then giving up to watch Friends or play WoW, I mean if the mere thought of opening a book or writing one more word is making you feel bad in any way, allow yourself to take the day/night off. Do something that makes you happy, something you enjoy for a while instead. That will give you better conditions for trying again later. Often we don’t do this because it is so hard to allow ourselves to have fun when we know we have an important deadline coming up, and if we keep on trying whilst the anxiety is building up, we will only stress ourselves even more and that time is wasted. I would say time you spend doing something that brings you joy is not wasted time, even if you have something important to do. Doing that activity will brighten your mood and make you feel better, and thus, you’ll be able to concentrate and focus more when you get back to it because you won’t be as anxious or stressed.

And I mean... if all else fails...