#coco shitpost

[juanarc-thethird]

Sorry but I already have plans.

Jaune: *Eating breakfast*

Suddenly Team Rwby arrives for breakfast too.

Yang: Oh but look who decided to wake up early for once.

Jaune: I would have preferred a "Good morning"

Yang: Sorry~

Ruby: Since we found you here. We were thinking of going with everyone to check out that new Ramen restaurant that opened up by the park. Do you want to go?

Jaune: Sorry but I already have plans.

Weiss: Don't tell me, a new game came out.

Jaune: *Ugh!* (Not good! If this keeps up, they will think I'm an adult who act like a man child! I must act like a proper adult here...) Well... Actually... *Gulp* I'm going on a date.

At that moment all the girls of Team Rwby went numb.

Jaune: Well... I have to go so... SeeYouLater! *Runs away*

Moments later

Jaune is walking down the road, feeling a big pressure on his shoulders.

Jaune: (They're totally following me...)

Behind hime Team Rwby is watching him closely while trying, and I mean really trying, to keep themselves hidden.

Jaune: (What should I do? At this rate they'll think I lied out of a bizarre sense of pride. They'll see me as a pathetic adult!. But I still want to buy that game... and besides, I don't even have a date.)

At that moment he bumps into someone.

Jaune: Oh, sorry... Prof Goodwitch?

Glynda: Oh Jaune, what a surprise to find you here.

Meanwhile

In the kitchen today it's Penny, Pyrrha, Bleiss and Ciel's turn to clean.

Bleiss: *Jumping over and over again* Why can't I clean Jaune's mug?!

Pyrrha: *Holding the cup as high as possible* Because you’ll end up licking it!

Bleiss: Of course not!

Ciel: Can you two stop?! The faster we finish, the more time you'll have to spend with Jaune.

Suddenly Penny starts vibrating like a cell phone.

Penny: Emergency. Jaune is not available at the moment.

Ciel: What do you mean?

Penny: According to the information gathered, Jaune is on a date.

Ciel/Bleiss/Pyrrha: DATE?!!!

Meanwhile Meanwhile

In the evil's lair (Service Closet). Cinder is on the phone while Neo and Emerald are resting.

Cinder: Are you saying someone broke the truce?!

Neo: 🤨

Emerald: What happen?

Cinder: And on top of that Jaune is on a DATE?!!

At that moment the three of them become serious and begin to prepare to fight.

Cinder: That bitch is gonna pay.

Meanwhile Meanwhile Meanwhile

In a cafeteria, Neo, Reese, May and Arslan are having coffee.

*Ring, Ring!*

Neon: Hi Bleiss, were you able to get Jaune's mug?

Bleiss: Forget the mug! Code Red! Code RED!!

Neon: What are you talking about?

Bleiss: Glynda is on a date with Jaune right now!

At that moment the atmosphere became dark and heavy. And the faces of the four girls became serious.

Neon: I see

Meanwhile Meanwhile Meanwhile Meanwhile

At the park

Coco: *Sitting on a bench* What a nice day

Velvet: *Running towards Coco* Coco! Coco! Coco!!!

Coco: Wow! Calm down, what happen?

Velvet: Something terrible just happen!

Coco: *Worry* What is it?!

Velvet: Jaune is on a date with Glynda!

Coco: *Her eyes turned dark and soulless*... Excuse me?

Back with Jaune

Glyda and Jaune are walking together to their destination.

Glynda: So you're on your way to buy a game?

Jaune: Y-Yeah. (Is she going to judge me because I play video games?)

Glynda: It's good that you have a method to de-stress after your missions.

Jaune: You don't think it's bad to play video games at my age?

Glynda: Why should I? Everyone has their own methods, for me it's knitting, believe it or not. So I don't see anything wrong with you playing video games.

Jaune: *Hugs her* Professor!!!

Glynda: *Worry* Jaune?!

In the distance you could hear the voice of a very angry girl.

Bleiss: Code Black! CODE BLACK!!!

[bootleg-nessie]

My dog got eated by an immigrant because of Sleepy Joe Byron’s LIBRAL COMMIE border policies >:(

[craziechwiv]

Ren: *Walks over to where Jaune's workout at* Hey Jaune, I got a question for you.

Jaune: *Finishing a pushup before getting up* Hm? What's up Ren?

Ren: *Looks at the card given to him, then back up at Jaune* First off, I'm so sorry.

Jaune: Huh?

Ren: Which do you prefer; Breasts, Ass, Thighs, Affection, Personality, or all of the above?

Jaune: ....Why-

Ren: *Whispers* Look at the entrance but don't make it obvious.

Jaune: *Looks over to see team RWBY+ others watching them * Ah...you got a pen?

~~~~~~~~~~

Ren: Alright I got your answers.

Weiss: Well, what are you waiting for?! Hurry up and read them!

Ren: Right, right. The answers are. Breasts-

Yang: HAH I KNEW IT!

Ren: Breasts go to Yang.

Yang: Wait what?

Ren: Thighs go to Ruby or Harriet.

Ruby: Huh?! Why not only me?!

Harriet: Hehe, you're not the only one with 'squish' rosebud.

Ren: Ass goes to Blake or Coco.

Coco: Damn right it does!

Blake: Okay I can understand Coco, but why me also?

Yang: Cuz that 'cake' you got us lethal of choking someone out!

Blake: *Flustered* Yang!

Ren: Affection is Nora or Velvet

Nora: Aww yeah! Up top Bunny!

Velvet: *High fives Nora back* Woo!

Ren: Personality is Weiss.

Weiss: He- He couldn't think of anything else?!

Ren: Trust me, it was either you or Jessica.

Weiss: I- erm...fine. I'll take it, but I won't be happy.

Ruby: So that's everyone right?

Ren: Not quite.

Weiss: Huh? What else is there?

Ren: And all of the above is...Penny.

RWBY+RNCVH: *They all turn to face Penny*

Penny: *Waves at them* 😁

Ruby: Yeah, I can see why.

Yang: No contest there.

Velvet: She's adorable even without trying...

Harriet: A tactical genius through and through.

Weiss: I guess I can take the loss at that.

Nora: Yeah...so Renny no hard feelings about, 'all this', right?

Ren: Oh of course. More so over what Jaune named me.

Nora: What are you?

Ren: Bromance option one.

[rwac96]

Ask

Original Male Stud AU

Have the other people vying for Professor Nikos’s affection like Coco and Weiss found out about what happened with her and Jaune during their meeting alone~?

Are they jealously hunting him down for answers?

Weiss: *shocked* "Professor Nikos called you into her office?! Just you and her?!"

Jaune: *blushing* "Yeah, she did."

Coco: "And she banged you?!"

Jaune: *blush deepens* "H-Hey now! We talked about my grades and combat performance."

*Weiss and Coco glare at Jaune with skeptical glances*

Jaune: *gulps, answers frantically* "AndthensheconfessedandIadmittedmyfeelingsforherandthenwebanged!"

Coco: *angered* "SON OF A BITCH!"

Weiss: *grabs Jaune's collar* "MAY THE GOD OF DARKNESS CURSE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WITH PLAGUES!!"

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Mother's tongue

Coco: А ну ка чики ьрики в дамку! (A Nu Ka Cheeki Breeki V Damku)

Velvet: You're the only one with Bullets Coco!

Coco: блять (Blyat!)

Weiss: What's going on with Coco?

Velvet: When she gets angry enough she starts talking in her mother tongue, just like you.

Weiss: I do not!

Velvet: ...

~Flashback transition~

Weiss: Hurensohn! Arschloch! Brot kann schimmeln, was kannst du, Du Karussellbremser!

~Flashforward transition~

Weiss: Alright, fine, I do,but I thought she spoke french!

Velvet: She got this from her uncle.

Weiss: Huh ... Can we calm her down?

Jaune: Coco! Ce qui s'est passé?

Coco: идиот Cardin- *ahem*

Coco: Cardin a vaporisé de la colle pailletée sur mes vêtements juste avant de partir en mission!

Jaune: ... ça ne tiendra pas. Le tuer?

Coco: Oui.

Jaune: Enfin!

~~~~~

Cardin, Somewhere in a forest: ... I feel as though I am in grave danger. Eh. It's probably nothing.

[meadowindreams]

Too early for hot coco

Saphron, felt worried for her brother for some reason so being the good older sister she, went to beacon to check on him, of course both her wife and their son Ahould come along too, since Adrien wants to see his Uncle Jaune.

Terra: Are you sure about thisv

Saphron: Absolutely

Terra: it was just paranoia, I’m sure your brother is fine

I just want to make sure, that’s all

If you say so

And besides we owe him an overdue visit

**knock** **knock** **knock**

Terra: Saph, I’m telling you, nothing is happening to Jaune.

The doos opens

Saphron: guess who came to visit their baby, brothe- you’re not Jaune

???: no I’m not

Saphron: Sorry Who are you? And where Jaune

???: Oh he’s currently sleeping, he is pretty tired

Saphron, is mentally processing all the information right now as she looks down at what she is wearing: Is that….?

Coco: Sorry but I’m pretty tired myself, thanks to your brother, so I’ll be going to his bed, cya

*Coco close the door, smiling smugly, and looked into Saphron’a eyes with a knowing look*

Terra, desperately trying to hold Saphron and restrain her to prevent her, breaking the door and beating the mystery Broad on the other side of the door.

Terra: Saph please don’t break down the door

Saphron: No that Hussite needs to go,

Terra: Saph, he’s old enough

[drenosa]

Coco: A girl at Beacon was dressed sóóóóóóó gay. You can't imagine how crushed I was when I found out she's just straight but raised by a lesbian mom. Dykebaiting is real, guys!

Yang: Date her mom?

Blake: Date her mom.

Nora: Date her mom!

[blefgh]

more of the fhfif drug post

!! TW !! MENTIONS OF DRUGS

[therabbitthatpostthings]

I feel the main reason that the Ernesto De La Cruz twist worked as opposed to other twist villains is because he already sucked as a character before we knew the truth.

All we knew about Miguel's grandfather is that he was blinded by the starlight, abandoned his wife and daughter and didn't even send them anyway to support themselves. Even in death, he's not visiting his living family or giving the Rivera family the time of day. He's surrounded by adoring fans and having a lavish party, using spirit guides as servants. We are told explicitly that this man is awful!

So when we find out that this is Hector's ex partner who ruined not just his life, but his FAMILY'S life- the twist isn't "Oh my god he's awful!" it's "OH MY GOD! He's worse than I thought!"

[being-lion-hearted]

Tedesco preparing for the Conclave:

[hailcheese]

[juanarc-thethird]

Learn to lock the door!

Blake: *Enters Jaune's room* Hey Jaune, have you seen my... book?

Jaune is naked, with his cock deep inside a girl on all fours who looks just like Blake. But seconds later she transforms back into Emerald.

Jaune: We can explain.

Blake: *Horny* Fuck that, I'm in.

Moments later

Ruby: Hey Jaune have you seen... Blake?

Blake is on top of Jaune, balls deep, while Emerald is putting on her clothes so she can leave.

Jaune: Is not what it looks like!

Ruby: I don't care what it looks like, I'm in!

Moments later

Weiss: Hey Jaune, did you...

Ruby is fucked from behind by Jaune while he holds her by the neck with a bit of pressure. While Blake is fully dressed putting on her shoes.

Jaune: *red* Blake is a bad influence!!

Weiss: I'm next.

Moments later

Yang: Jaune, did you eat my…!

Jaune has Weiss in a Mating Press and hitting her little pussy hard like a piñata with his big cock. Ruby, on the other side, is dressed, recording what is happening.

Jaune: Your sister dared me to do it!!!

Yang: And I have another one for you~

Moments later

Pyrrha: Jaune, it's time for our tra- Eh?!!

Yang is on all fours while Jaune fucks her from behind while he pulls her hair. In the corner of the bed, Weiss is putting on makeup again to look presentable.

Jaune: She is came to me first!

Yang: *Giggles* Yes I did~

Pyrrha: Your form is wrong, let me help you.

Moments later

Nora: Jaune, have you seen- HOLY MOLLY!!!

Pyrrha has Jaune lying on his back and pressed against the bed without him being able to move, while she bounces on his cock like an animal in heat. On the other side Yang is sitting on a couch, watching what's happening while she touches herself.

Jaune: Help! My pelvis can't take it anymore!

Nora: Oh I give you a hand~

Moments later

Neon: What's up with the noise? Are you guys having a par-TYYYYY!!!!! *Shock*

Nora has Jaune against the wall while she fucks him using her big ass. Jaune can only hold onto her hips. Pyrrha, on the other side, is brushing her hair.

Jaune: This is not a party!!

Neon: *Takes a pic on her phone* It is now~

Moments later

Reese: Neon, are you here? What do you- HOLY SHIT!!

Jaune is sitting on the bed with his back leaning against the wall while Neon moves her hips slowly and sensually while they fuck. Nora is still naked talking to someone on her phone.

Jaune: Reese, what are you doing here?!!

Reese: *Smug* Duh, I came for the party~

Moments later

Arslan: *Ready to fight* Reese, I'm here! Why do you need... *Wide eye* Backup?

Reese is on her tiptoes leaning against the wall while Jaune fucks her intensely. Neon meanwhile is taking selfies with them two in the back.

Jaune: Wait, this is 100% completely consensual!

Arslan: In that case, I also consent.

Moments later

Velvet: Jaune? Nora told me to come see y-y-y-WHY?!! *Angry*

Arslan is hanging onto Jaune with her arms around his neck and her legs hanging in Jaune's arms, supporting her ass while he fucks her. Reese, meanwhile, is on a video call with someone showing how Arslan is getting fucked.

Jaune: Velvet?! Why are you angry?!

Velvet: I gave ya all the bloody signs 'n ya fucked her?! That Dick is mine!

Moments later

Coco: Hey Jaune, is Velvet here? She said she was going- HOLY FUCK!!!

Velvet is being bred with her legs hooked around Jaune, who is on top of her fucking her like there is no tomorrow with cum coming out of her. Arslan meanwhile is putting her bandages on her arms and hands.

Jaune: It was her idea! I swear!

Coco: Whatever her idea is, I want it too~

Moments later

May: Jaune? Nora told me to come her of- *GASP!!!* I-I-I!

Coco looks a mess, her makeup ruined, her hair messy, all thanks to Jaune. He is fucking her with her on top of him, close to his body, while his cock is hitting her insides in all the right places, giving her great pleasure. Taking this opportunity, Velvet uses her camera to take photos of all of Coco's lewd expressions.

Jaune: Wait! Please don't scream!

May: *Red* I WON'T LOSE!!

Moments later

Penny: *Smiling* Hello friend Jaune! I came here to get fuck!

May is bouncing on Jaune's lap while he sucks on the nipples of her huge tits. Coco, meanwhile, is taking some selfies, liking the new look.

Jaune: You what?!!

Penny: *She removes her clothes* I'm sex ready!!!

Moments later

Ciel: Penny, I know you are here! General Ironwood is calling- WHAT THE FUCK?!!

Penny is on all fours with her hand pressed against the bed while Jaune puts all his weight to fuck her from behind. Meanwhile, May is sleeping next to them in the bed covered with a sheet.

Jaune: Please don't tell Ironwood!

Ciel: If you convince me, maybe I won't do it~ *She licks her lips*

Moments later

Glynda: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!

Ciel is curled up with a pillow while lying on her side with her ass on the edge of the bed where Jaune is fucking her hard. Penny is currently on a video call with Ruby talking about her recent experience.

Jaune: *Panic* Prof. Goodwitch! It's not what it looks like?!

Jaune saying her name made the two girls panic as well.

Glynda: You girls get dressed and go to your rooms immediately!

The two girls do what they are told and run out of the room.

Glynda: And your Mr. Arc…

Jaune: *Worry* YES!!

*Click* Suddenly the sound of the door being locked is heard.

Jaune: Prof. Goodwitch?

Glynda: Now you're all mine~💕

Moments later

[linsangle]

[rwac96]

Bad Luck Amuck (RWBY Shitpost)

Qrow: *shaking his flask* "Empty. This can't be good."

Ruby: *approaches* "Uncle Qrow, what's wrong?"

Qrow: *exhales* "Ruby, I'm outta whiskey."

Ruby: *smiles* "So, you won't get drunk and be smelly for a while."

Qrow: *serious* "Ruby, do you remember what my Semblance is?"

Ruby: *blinks* "Luck--." *realization* "Oh, fudge."

---

*Yang was riding Bumblebee, until the front wheel suddenly lost a bolt, came loose and the cycle tipped over, causing Yang to be flung across the Valeian street*

Yang: *tossed* "CRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!"

*Pyrrha and Jaune are sitting at a diner, enjoying an outing and it seems like Jaune leans in to kiss his partner...until Yang crashes in through the window and crash lands on the knight*

Pyrrha: *horrified* "Oh, Gods!" *stands up* "Jaune, Yang--Huh!?"

*Jaune did end up kissing...Yang, who quickly gets up, red-faced*

Jaune: *confused* "YANG?!"

Yang: *blushing* "Oh, Gods! My bike lost a wheel, I wiped out and I got smooched by VB!" *covers her face* "My luck can't get worse than this!"

*Yang is then lifted up by her gauntlets...by an unamused Pyrrrha, brandishing Milo with murderous intent*

Yang: *eyes widened* "It was an accident! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!"

---

*Weiss was in a sparring match against Cardin and she was about to fire some Ice Dust until the chamber in Myternaster jammed*

Weiss: *alarmed* "What!?" *presses the trigger again, nothing* "No! Not now!"

Cardin: *tightens his grip on The Executioner* "Perfect!"

*Cardin charged towards Weiss, swinging his mace and landing a devastating blow upon her stomach, hurling her towards the edge of the arena and shattering her Aura*

Weiss: *on the ground* "Ugh! Weapon jammed and beaten by that brute. This can't get any worse--."

Coco: "HEY! Where the hell are her panties?!"

Weiss: *blushes* "WHAT?!" *she quickly tugs her skirt down...accidentally tearing her entire dress off...now naked for all to see* "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

---

*Blake was sprinting with all of her ability, fleeing from an angry mob as she had lost her bow...her feline ears exposing her Faunus Heritage*

Enraged Valeian: *brandishing a gun* "GET HER! GET THAT ANIMAL!!"

Radicalized Youth: "HANG HER!!" *holding a noose* "I GOT THE ROPE RIGHT HERE!!"

Blake: *running* "I told Ruby I didn't want to dogsit Zwei, and this happens! This can't get any--!"

*Blake bumps into something, no someone...a White Fang Member and their comrades...recognizing Blake, who was now surrounded*

Blake: *tearing up* "N-No...."

WF Grunt: "DEATH TO THE TRAITOR!!"

Radicalized Youth: "KILL HER AND THE OTHER ANIMALS!!"

Blake: *cornered, sobbing* "Brothers, NOOOO!!!"

---

Ruby: *pale* "Oh, no. I gotta warn--UGGHH!!" *she keels over, clutching her stomach* "Oh, Gods!"

Qrow: *alarmed* "RUBY!!"

Ruby: *growing paler* "I think... I think that brownie was worse than bad..."

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Coco:

Jaune: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MADWOMAN!

[junglefurytrash]

I could've sworn I posted the Infinite Parking Lot posts before but I can't for the life of me find it on my Tumblr so I think I might just be pranking myself.