#comp het tw

[shebecamethesun]

state of grace part 62

(part 61 here | part 63 here)

[misshollowayss]

Can I request to see your thoughts about Girl Jeri?

RAAA A A A A. A I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT HER WITH MY BF GRGRGRGRGR OKAYYYYYY

cw: religious discussion, teenage pregnancy, comp-het and it’s affects on a person. tw: vague/implied discussions of SA, and power imbalances, murder, violence, and death. note : JUST A REMINDER, these are primarily my headcannons. you do not have to agree with them, just be respectful pls.

NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY, let’s talk about girl jeri, one of the few favorites of mine.

JERIKA ‘GIRL JERI’ BAYR ( now MATTHEWS ) , is featured in nightmare time 2, abstinence camp. played by the godly woman herself, kim whalen, she’s brought to the table a specific look into religion and it’s qualms with purity culture.

𝙰͟ 𝚂͟𝚃͟𝚄͟𝙳͟𝚈͟ 𝙸͟𝙽͟ :͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ purity culture being taken to the nines, resisting temptation, guilt overruling your psyche, not wanting to be a mother, giving birth to what you think will be hope but will ultimately kill you in the end.

─┈ㅤ ⠀starting off, i think from the get-go, jeri had grown up with an already fixed view of religion. most likely being baptist, and growing up in an uber-religious household had meant that there was no room for error. perfection, was called upon her. she was god's daughter, is god's daughter and creation. he had crafted her for a reason, not to be toyed with and disobedient. her mother was a godfearing woman who prayed three times a day, sometimes six. her father was also a faithful, god-loving man; who created the home. he was honored by the both of his girls. jerika doesn’t have siblings imo, her being an only child makes sense to me considering the isolation she goes through later in life.

i've seen people discuss a lot revolving around her being closeted queer as well, and i do agree with this notion to an extent. she to me, is a lesbian who unfortunately is in a comp-het situation with jerry and has been for a long time now. ( i personally view their dynamic not healthy but i will get to that ). HOWEVER, i can see her not being queer at all, but for the sake of my interpretation, she is.

i don't believe she was popular at all in highschool and i do like to think that she's only a few years older than the Nerds. my personal hc for her and jerry's ages are 23/24 at most, with a child ( lumber axe but i will go into more detail with how i view that ).. i feel if they were just a few years their seniors, it to me, makes sense, given jeri's reaction to steph and pete's shower attempt ( her worried for steph about teenage pregnancy ). i do know it'd be a loophole regarding the beef jerry has/had with ted, but i like to think this makes more sense due to the closeness in age she'd have with steph. again, this is my personal headcanon regarding their ages, you can definitely disagree with me on this.

"Seriously guys, this information could save your life." - Regarding the dangers of contraception ( 1:14:40 of Abstinence Camp )

─┈ㅤ ⠀jeri and jerry met at abstinence camp at the ages of 13/14. ( jerry didn't need to go, but he went to want to connect with the kids his age. he went to sycamore, like his brothers and sister ). they met while canoeing, the two quickly shared their favorite bible verses with one another and clicked. her favorite verse is 1 corinthians 13:4-7, whereas his is john 3:16 ( iykyk ). she didn't always question her faith, in fact, she rarely did. there were a few ladies in church her eyes would fall upon, but it never went longer than that, just glances at other women she thought were "pretty". she didn't think much about it until she was asked about marriage by her parents one night over dinner. her chest hurt, but she persisted and said she'd find her match soon.

!! IMPLIED SA AHEAD, BE WARNED !!

that match, what she didn't know, would be jerry matthews. he was awkward, and she thought he was an alright person to be around. even now, she struggles remembering how they got together specifically, it being a blur for the most part. she liked him, but she wasn't sure she actually loved him. she didn't want to make him feel as if he was being led on though. she continued a relationship with him, maybe expecting things to go smoothly, like her parents were. she wanted nothing but the love she saw growing up.

she remembers the night they did things though, consummated their love. she remembers being confused, wishing that a woman said all the sweet things to her rather than jerry. the temptation of flesh grew stronger than she expected. he kept calling her a dirty girl, and she wanted to prove something. it was uncomfortable, but she did it. it was good in the moment, but the aftermath, she felt as if she committed the most sinful act she could. she was 17 when she found out she was pregnant. she didn't know who to tell or who to confide in. when she did tell her parents, it was greeted with disappointment.

"Our baby girl, tainted by the hands of the devil?" "I don't want you in my house, you wretch." "But mom, dad, I-" "Out. Now."

disowned, scared and alone, jerika made her way to the when she had told jerry, he had a similar reaction, initially pulling away from her, recoiling in disgust, but when he saw the tears well, and her having her arms wrapped around herself, he just watched. she sniffled, hiccuped and sobbed. she didn't want this. he came to and gathered his thoughts. he could leave. leave his family home, the family that had gone through a handful of events as of the last few years regarding his nephews and his late sister. that night, he and jerika left, he had packed a bag and left a simple note for his parents to find. 'Bye.'

“Teen pregnancy is no joke, Steph. If you don’t start taking this work seriously, you’re gonna end up with a child before you’re ready. You’re gonna have to drop outta school. Your family will disown you. Where are you gonna raise that baby? In the woods? We just wanna help you!” - Talking to Stephanie Lauter about the rumor of her ‘pregnancy’ in tears.

─┈ㅤ ⠀jerika during her pregnancy was confused, unsure of how she was going to raise this baby. she couldn't continue school, and when they left to go to camp idonwannabang, they had to scower whatever they could. jerry had suggested that she drop out, but he continue school, to help and fund for their bundle of joy who was bound to arrive eventually. she couldn't say no, so she listened, and stayed within a small cabin that the two found that went unused at camp idonwannabang. originally used as a councilor cabin and meeting room, they rennovated and flipped it to work as their living space. the former camp councilors hadn’t been in during the season, so they took the chance and seized it for themselves.

having had dropped out at 17, and disowned by her family, jerika felt as if he was a failure. a failure of a daughter, of a partner, if a devout christian. it all came crashing down on her. during one night, when jerry had fallen asleep, she carefully slipped out of bed to sit out on the back of the porch. she held her bump, wishing she didn’t have this- yet guilt crept into her body, wrangling her tightly and held her high in the air. what type of mother was she? she wasn’t. her girlhood felt as if gone, and thrown into motherhood, she didn’t understand— she didn’t know who to talk to, who to confide. so that night, she prayed.

she prayed for something, something good, to make this worth it.

when he was born, they didn’t go to the hospital, they ( jerry mainly ) didn’t want to let the existence of their now illegitimate child to the rest of hatchetfield. god knows what would happen if that news got out. was she really ready for that? the people of hatchetfield would know jerika bayr was a dirty girl. that she fornicated out of wedlock. she would rather die than deal with that. jerika gave birth in the bathroom of the councilor cabin, jerry delivering him. the baby was a whopping 8 pounds when he arrived into the world, and she remembered seeing him for the first time. hair, so much hair, dark like his father and nearly purple from oxygen meeting him for the first time. she didn’t even have a name prepared, but jerry swept in, calling him ‘little jerry’. that was his name now, apparently.

she didn't expect to love him as much as she did. the idea of her pushing him away had come up numerous times, during the first few years of his life, she fought hard to make sure the idea of purity was surrounding their new dysfunctional family. like in canon, she raised him off of the flora and fauna of the witchwood, the berries that'd grow locally became one of jerry jr's favorites. when he was two, he began talking, saying 'mama' and 'papa' relatively often. now, the difference between my hcs and canon is that jerry jr is NOT lumber axe.

lumber axe is boy jerry, then grace chasity.

“I just can’t help but feel responsible.” - Moments before she finds Mary Shaw and Gabe Anderson’s bodies.

─┈ㅤ ⠀jerika knew about the strange occurrences in the witchwood, it wasn't hard to know. everyone in hatchetfield knew that it was a dark place. she thought that the darkness wouldn't reach her family, her child nonetheless. she was wrong, like usual. jeri had witnessed the steady decline of jerry throughout the years. when campers started going missing, she thought it was the woods, the evil that lurked between the branches.

one night, after she had put jerry jr to bed, she went to check on her 'husband' ( they didn't marry officially, but she took his last name as a means to hide the bayr name ). she didn't find him in their bedroom, she didn't find him in the living space in the cabin, but she heard dragging. she heard whispers, and stepped out to the back to find jerry hauling a potato sack soaked in crimson and an axe over his shoulder to match.

"what are you doing?" she had asked. "taking care of those horny kids. go to bed," he told her, clicking his tongue.

weary, she listened, choosing peace that night even if she slept uneasily. she had heard him come in, run a shower, and close the bathroom door behind him. when he was showering, she stepped out, sneaked by to see what he was carrying.

approaching the sack of red, she swallowed, bracing for whatever. she didn't realize she had to brace for anything, but it scared her. he frightened her.

jerika was barely able to open it fully before she got sick at the sight, of a wrist with a WWJD bracelet still on it. blue, a boy camper, but who? she didn't know until the following morning that two campers had never returned from the bonfire that night.

madison o'reily and william crew.

she watched as jerry delivered a saddened speech, something about, 'well, hopefully, they'll find their way back to our lord soon.' but his eyes didn't match his tone or his mouth. it would've been here, at the age of 21, she would've realized that he was doing far more than expected.

the two had gotten into an argument, but it ended the same way, he was using jerry jr's existence as a threat. and he'd call her that. she was subdued whenever she was referred to as that, and it made her skin crawl. back before, sure, she would've liked it but she's grown to despise the nickname.

she had to comply and remain complacent, or else he would air out her business. she had to be obedient, in the eyes of god and her lover, because if she didn't, she'd surely be sent to the fires below.

she grows tired, anxious and wants to be free from this chamber. she wants to be free from the knowledge she has, the role she was thrown in. she was never meant to be a mother this early. she never was supposed to be with a man, a man like him. because of jerry's false preaching, she questioned her faith heavily, soon losing it.

the only reason she's still playing along is to hopefully fix whatever mess he creates, and help whoever she can. she wouldn't wish for anyone to go through what she did. by god, she'd do what she could, even if half the time, it meant being killed by the one she thought she loved.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!!! my thoughts on girl jeri are finally finished — just as a reminder you do not have to agree with everything here, this is just my fixed canon and how i go about everything in hatchetfield. i love girl jeri and she deserves sm more than what she’s given <333 bbg <3

girl jeri graphics + stamps by @cherrieguroo girl jeri gifs found on tumblr .

[bamboozledbird]

i would love to hear ur thoughts on the tw ships (like the ones in the show and the top noncanon ones) because you get it haha. (also for request purposes teehee)

i love this ask because dissecting lit, even cheesy monster shows, is my favorite hobby lmao. thank you so much for the compliment. hope i don't disappoint you :')

scallison: i think that people hate on scott a lot for this because they are very sappy, but leave him alone. he's 16 and in love. i don't ship it, but i don't not ship it. but also. why did they hire actresses 10 years older than scott and stiles lmao?? stydia: this might be controversial? i don't keep up with the discourse. but i don't ship it. like i have nothing against people who do, but for me i just don't see that relationship working out. imo realistically they go out for a week and then realize how awkward it is. idk when you idealize someone for that long it just never goes well when you get the reality. it's really unfair to lydia. i can see the fights already. this is also a personal opinion, but their on-screen chemistry always felt off to me. it was very inconsistent, and i was just never convinced that lydia actually wanted him. but again, go with god and ship what you want to ship. i'm also in the camp of lydia is a comp het lesbian because she always had the most chemistry with women lmao. scira: this is the canon ship i like the most. they are so cute, and i wish jeff didn't suck and treated arden better because i enjoyed their relationship. it was the only one that felt like a real high school sweethearts vibe, and it was a breath of fresh air to see something sweet and innocent. stalia: okay this might be controversial as well but i don't ship it because imo malia wasn't in a place to be with anyone fresh out of her coyote life. like your boyfriend shouldn't also be your teacher/humanity coach. i think they tragically mishandled malia's character, and it makes me so sad because she's my bbygirl. sciles: i see the vision, but their familial connection is so important to me. like for me it's deeper than romance can ever be. i could go on forever about these two. tell me WHY it wasn't scott that remembered stiles. they are BROTHERS. sciasac: i like this one. they were very sweet. i'm not a die-hard, but i do think they're very cute.

[damarisbailey]

introducing: damaris bailey

name: damaris bailey age: 23 gender/pronouns: ciswoman - she/her/hers sexuality: "straight" (bi-leaning towards lesbian, comp. het) date of birth: june 14th, 1998, 2:30 am astrology: gemini sun/aries rising/aquarius moon mbti: ESTJ-T height: 5'4" occupation: librarian at local library faceclaim: maddison jaizani positive traits: compassionate, loyal, helpful, honest, nurturing, dependable, modest, curious, humble, organized. neg. traits: bossy, gullible, confused, hot tempered, impatient, picky, critical, stubborn, cowardly, nosy. music inspo: jesus is just alright with me - the doobie brothers, oceans (where feet may fail) - hillsong, happy and sad - kacey musgraves, she used to be mine - sara bareillis, pluto projector - rex orange county, stoned at the nail salon - lorde, anxiety (burlinda's theme) - jojo daddy: pastor matthew bailey fc: eric dane small about: Her father, the pastor, was a hard man. Both of her parents could only bare one child and unfortunately, it wasn’t a son. Matthew made it Damaris’s problem for the rest of her life. She was taught how to be the perfect little girl in white. Going to purity balls was hell, signing contracts to remain to be faithful and pledge her virginity to her father. She found the whole thing creepy. Damaris had always suspected her father knew about her abortion but there was never any confirmation. He wanted Damaris to marry Noah - someone who seemed to play the perfect husband role on the outside. mommy: farah hosseini-bailey fc: nazanin boniadi small about: Damaris loves her mother. They used to do everything together as children. The one thing that was passed to Damaris was her baking skills. Her mother had passed down traditional Iranian recipes like Persian almond cookies and halva. Her mom and her used to picket outside the Planned Parenthood together when she was younger - something that Damaris can't get out of her head now. Her mother is one of her closest confidants - though admittedly, she doesn't know much about Damaris. After her parents sent her to conversion camp, there was a rift in the relationship. Obviously, there wasn't much to talk about after that. headcannons:

keeps to herself more often than not as a form of protection.

stari was the reason she went to conversion camp. they shared an intimate moment and were caught by her father who sent her to camp for 3 months. she missed 1 month of school. 

she got pregnant and had an abortion at age 22. she hasn’t really seen alec around since despite the town being so small. it’s better that way.

crush vibes surrounding julie who she felt never seemed to notice her.

always thought she’d marry noah just because her dad liked him so much. whenever she pictured her white picket fence, it was her and noah behind it - not that they have any connection. 

wears dr. pepper lipsmackers when she isn’t wearing makeup. it’s important but idk why

listens to a lot of jesus music but wishes she was amish so she could rumspringa 

[coffin-flop]

lonely 

Washing pots and pans from a meal eaten alone In a hot kitchen as lovers spend their nights away, It’s not the fate I would have imagined for myself, Not five years ago, when I was eighteen, kneeling Naked in front of a man, who cut my first line Of excitement for me on a hotel room countertop.  I did not expect to be so domestic, so tiresome, so Lonely by twenty-three.

And I think, sometimes, there’s a price to pay, for being Excited, and a separate price to pay for being at peace. And I wonder how much worse those depressive Come-downs and the blind rages and empty stomachs Were- would I really much rather be paying In dish soap and budgets and endless nights alone?

I should be stronger than this, I was stronger than withdrawal And stronger than overdose And stronger than trauma, How could I be weakened By spending one too many nights alone?

[earthtrembled]

When did you find out you were gay? How long did it take you to accept your sexuality?

this is a very large topic that has a shit ton of nuance that i cant touch on right now due to time so I’m going to give the brief over view of how this blog approaches this. This is a headcanon meaning it isnt canon and no one has to follow it for their things, it also means it could change if i feel differently about it.

Rictor never really found out he was gay it was more of a slow dawning realization and even then he was so deep in internalized homophobia and comp het that it took him years. Even when he and Shatterstar were intimate during their X-Force years he’d brush it off as “Shatterstar’s the exception” and or “Shatterstar is different”

The Mexico trips were a big example of this Shatterstar is the Exception and I think around then Rictor finally started to consider that maybe he just liked guys and Star wasn’t different. (I always headcanoned this and Star pushing away were what led to the break up)

He came out to himself sometime post m-day but was never actively identifying to friends until LATER in XFI. Even though everyone already knew by then that he was, he  just wasnt ready to come out and that is 100000% okay. You gotta take coming out at your own pace and Rictor had a lot of shit on his plate. 

Hes now active in the community but hes still pretty private about his sexual identity he just doesnt like people knowing *everything* about him and thats an intimate detail he’d like to keep on the down low.

Hes comfortable doing PDA with Shatterstar and he actively uses terms of endearment in public with him nowadays.

Rictor is still navigating his identity and how it has shaped and influences his life and hes proud of it. He still has some rough days like everyone else and there’s no way to put a number on years it took for him to conclude that -yeah- he did like guys.

[cherrilemon]

Growing up gay is being so confused when you start crushing on someone of the same gender and thinking there is something wrong with you.

Maybe we should normalize gay relationships for kids instead of worrying that it's too hard of a topic to understand. Maybe then kids won't grow up feeling dysphoria or develop comp het.

Sorry, just had to rant real quick <3

[punkclowngod]

That hypersexual feeling when you regret coming out as a lesbian to your family cuz now you can’t go out with a guy just for sex and validation and now you have to find yourself a girlfriend even tho wlw are very hard to find, especially when you’re an unstable mentally ill and neurodivergent hoe...

[sapphic-sex-ed]

Ive identified as lesbian for 2 years but now im questioning. A friend (man) wanted to be friends with benefits. I stupidly decided to go along with it but when it actually came time to do something I freaked out. He hated my new answer of no, and i made it clear that I never want to talk to him again. But now i feel like i should have gone through with it anyway bc it made me feel gross but at least it meant someone was attracted to me. So my question is should i change labels?

Let me get this straight: you’ve IDed as lesbian for the past couple of years, a dude approached you for casual sex and against what I from your wording assume is your better judgment say yes, then when time comes freak out and you think you should change your labels?

I obviously don’t know you and can only go by what you’ve told me here but to me it doesn’t seem to me at all that you were actually interested in sex with this guy. Rather it seems like you just wanted validation and going through with sleeping with him (from your reaction) would probably have done you more harm than good. Comp het is a thing and it sounds to me like that’s what’s up.

I also wanna dig around the reason to change label. Labels aren’t defined by sexual behavior, they’re defined by yourself, usually a mix of internal sense of self, attraction, and communication. Just cause you considered trying to bed a guy doesn’t automatically mean you would be bi or pan. Actually, your reaction kinda makes me think you very much aren’t either of those.

It can be really difficult to navigate being queer, and I’m glad you stood your ground when that guy got upset and you shouldn’t have slept with him once you realized you didn’t want to. You did the right thing. I’m aware that I might sound a little stern in the paragraphs above but truly I do not think this experience does anything but solidify the fact that you don’t like guys.

-mod liz

[luvvsbian]

me: *likes male fictional character*

my brain: oh so you’re straight now. you’re a fucking hetty now huh. you just love men and heterosexuality. inch resting...

[goldafterglow]

I'm bi I think? Idk if I'm a lesbian cuz I've only ever liked fictional men or older celeb men. I've never really been seriously attracted to men irl. Idk that whole doc that's like you're a lesbian is messing me up!?! I've never been able to emotionally connect with men irl. Sorry for the vent

Also please Google compulsory heterosexuality (or comp het) because holy SHIT. So this is literally my exact experience and I found that APPARENTLY, only liking fictional men/men I know I could never actually be with is a symptom sometimes fbfjsjskss. I’ve have crushes on boys before but if they like me back I am very quickly repulsed by them (maybe because suddenly the relationship with them could be real and I don’t actually like men, I’m just telling myself I do???) I want to fuck men sometimes???? But like less and less??? On the other hand, I couldn’t definitively say I was attracted to women until I GOT A LITERAL GIRLFRIEND. I wish I had a normal “yeah I saw Kiera knightly and I immediately transformed into a big gay butterfly” awakening but you and me are in this together anon we are gonna fucking figure it out.

[alcoress]

hi kags!! i have a genuine question abt your carrd and do not mean any hate by it but when you identify as a lesbian, doesn’t that mean you aren’t attracted to men? /gen i don’t mean any offense and am just curious ^_^

of course!! thank u for asking v politely and kindly, and i’m not offended dw!

yes, it does mean i’m not attracted to men, but there’s a different between self-shipping and actual attraction, as well as a difference between fictional and real men.

i experience zero romantic/sexual attraction to real men, and i only experience romantic/sexual attraction towards women. self-shipping doesn’t necessarily mean i am actually attracted to the character, just that i think we would be a good couple/i like to analyze how i would work with other people! also, if i do end up experiencing attraction to a fictional man, i know that he’s not real - if i imagine him as a real person that i know/am with, all attraction evaporates and the idea of dating him is actually kind of? repulsive? (not kidding, i’ve tested this a LOT bc of self-doubt)

there’s also the question of compulsory heterosexuality (abbreviated as comp-het). this is something that many lesbians experience, where we feel that we should attract men, that we should be with men, or that we should please/satisfy/etc. men even if we do not have any real desire to do so. this is because a lot of us were raised with the expectation that we would do these things, so we’re trying to fulfill those expectations and prevent ourselves from being othered for being attracted to women rather then men. self-shipping with fictional men is a way to soothe that agitation without actually involving myself with men!

if this was confusing/didn’t answer your question, pls lmk!! also i did not mean to come off as rude so pls lmk if i did, i was genuinely not offended and just trying to explain as best as possible!

[simonsqier]

Does anyone else feel this way?

I see a male character in a tv show or movie that I feel like I can relate to and I think he’s aesthetically pleasing, then I begin to freak out because if I find this although fictional man I find him good looking so that means I can’t be a lesbian. Then I look at attainable men like on dating apps and even out in public and none of them peak my interest at all. Am I just confusing admiration of a character for attraction or should I really start using a different label? Also, is it because they are big profile guys that I will never have a chance of even running into that I feel “safe” finding them good looking? please help.

[lesblob]

i feel like i am a lesbian, that feels so right and lovely. i would love to marry a woman and the thought of being with a man makes me nauseous and uncomfortable. but i’ve had not horrible sexual experiences with guys before. and also i had a boyfriend for like 3 years. it’s so hard to know if it was comp het, when i really analyze it i know it was but still there were times when it was really dark or i was drunk it wasn’t bad. but even the thought of it now makes me sad. (i’d’ed as bi before)

“Not horrible” shouldn’t be the bar you set for your relationships, anon. You deserve to have relationships that feel right and lovely, and you deserve to marry someone you love, not just tolerate. I relate to struggling with comp het even after knowing you’re a lesbian for a while. Sometimes I still think to myself, “Maybe I can tolerate being with a man” or “I should try to force myself to like men” which is very unhealthy but also the product of growing up in this heteronormative world. There are many lesbians who have been with men in the past, but those relationships were ultimately unhappy and/or coercive/forced. You deserve to be in a happy relationship anon, with someone you love.

[angelblumes]

tws was such a nice hyperfixation tbh like yea it was a little heterosexual of me but that movie.. *chefs kiss*

[t4tezlux]

To all my ace/aro self-shippers who only experience romantic or sexual attraction with their f/os:

- You're so valid !

- Your f/os love you very much and know that your attraction to them does not at all define your sexuality/romantic attraction.

(This also goes for lesbian and gay self-shippers who experience comp-het, you're rad and ily)