#compare notes and whatnot

[lexosaurus]

Hello! Very random and no worries if that's not your intention for the blog, but I love reading about your teacher experience and insights! Take this ask more so as encouragement to write more about it if you feel like it, because I'm going to start teaching soon (and yes, many people I've met have warned me about both its miracles and horrors lol) and it's really helpful to hear others' experiences :)

Thanks for the ask! Honestly I'm just a first year, so I don't have a tonnnn of advice to give. But here's a few general first year tips from one to a future another:

1 — No matter what, having a good department team is ESSENTIAL. You're going to be relying on them a lot your first year for help, advice, curriculum stuff, behavioral management stuff, etc. Talk to them, get to know them, have lunch with them, share issues/seek advice from them. You're going to encounter situations that your degree did not prepare you for (likely, in the first week lol. For me, it was Day 1) and having people around to help you judgement free is going to be crucial. I was super lucky that my department team and all the teachers from other departments that I work closely with are really amazing, easy to work with, etc.

2 — You're also going to want a good relationship with the "other" departments. The library staff, tech staff, sped department, guidance, janitors, etc. They're all lovely people, so don't be afraid to pop in to introduce yourself on the first week!

3 — Crazy things are going to happen. Like....all the time. Don't bring them home with you. As soon as you exit the doors, shake it off. All your students made it on the bus to their parents alive, so it's fine. Your job is done for the day. I've been going to the gym a lot right from school, and it's been really helpful to prevent myself from taking anything home with me so to speak.

4 — Document, document, document. Did something happen? Document it, email a copy to whoever's applicable: admin, guidance, sped, BCBA, etc. "Hello, just emailing a summary of what happened today" is not an uncommon email for me to send out. If an IEP isn't working, well at the next IEP meeting it shows they have 10 emails in the last month from you about little Timmy's hourly verbal threats and attempted physical violence to his classmates, so maybe the BCBA needs to do some data collection to adjust his BIP, or they need to give him a 1-1, or give him more resource intervention, etc.

5 — This isn't so much of advice, more like reassurance. The small moments when it clicks for a student and they get something, and then the confidence and excitement shows, it's really the best. That's probably why I've fallen so in love with working where I did. The other day, after weeks of struggling to help this student with Downs with his math, I tried a totally different approach based off a few example problems I saw in a math intervention workbook and hOLY HELL IT WORKED. It totally clicked for him, and the kid was so excited to do a problem out on the board for the class. It was amazing. Another student with an LD who I've been helping heavily school aced a quiz in one of her classes and legit ran into the room to show me. Cue me literally jumping out of my chair to high-five her, and her calling her parents to deliver the good news. Like, little things like that are really really special, and they're going to mean so much to you. And I hope you get to experience LOTS of them too!

[razzledazzletrassh]

no major fic updates just yet guys TAKE MY WOY OC I MADE LIKE. April of last year IM PLUGGING SOME INFO ABOUT THIS GUY IN THE TAGS.

I may also redesign her soon or something. Make her more bug-like with some stuff. I can cook guys let me cook !!!

[bblgeum]

𐔌 hide me away ─  yeon si-eun 𐦯

⟡ ﹒ in which ⌇ si-eun knew his friends saw him as the brooding, no-nonsense guy. he wasn't going to get clowned on because of how sweet he acts with you

⟡ ﹒ content⌇ gn reader, secret relationship, fluff

⟡ ﹒ listen to⌇ peach eyes - wave to earth

among his friends, si-eun was the rational, matter-of-fact guy. he was the person you went to for academic help, the kind of guy that couldn't keep up with his friends energy at all times.

si-eun also knew he would get absolutly clowned on for how he acted with you - with you, he didn't have to hold himself to a high standard. you had seen everything. you were home, where he could let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

so, when he saw you standing outside eunjang's school doors after a long, long school day, he nearly died from embarrassment. not because of you, but because of how he acted with you.

go-tak is the first to notice si-eun's furious redness. he tilts his head, inturupting baku's tangent -

─ "si-eun? why're you so... red?"

the group turns to look at him. he was starring straight ahead, barely moving, red like he was holding his breath. the group follows his eyes to you, standing at the gates with what seemed to be fried chicken in your arms. baku lets out a sly grin,

─ "hey si-eun... you know're?"

snapping out of his daze, he stalks towards you. just before you can greet him, he yanks you onto the sidewalk by your school uniform. yelping, he holds you against him and covers your mouth with his hand just as you protest.

he had taken you to the side of the school, in an alleyway littered with trash and whatnot. he hisses in your ear,

─ "didn't i tell you to wait for me at my house?"

you roll your eyes as you pry his hand off you.

─ "hmpf! what, do i embarrass you or something?"

he shakes his head, sighing. sitting on a crate against the brick wall, he seems hesitant to explain.

─ "well? do i?"

─ "no... i don't want the others to think im soft, or something."

this makes you pause for a second, and you break into a grin. taking his head into your hands, his pouting eyes stare at you.

─ "aww.. the strong, brooding si-eun is embarrassed? this is new!" you laugh at him, close to wheezing.

he tries to shake himself out of your grip, failing. just as he wants to complain, he hears pairs of feet skid into the alleyway's enterance. it was baku, go-tak, and jun-tae.

you were just about to peck his forhead, until you follow his gaze and flush a tiny bit - nothing compared to si-eun's face, which was buried into your sweater.

the three at the entrance break into a ginormous laugh (minus jun-tae who looks embarrassed to walk in on the two of you). baku and go-tak running to pry him away from you.

─ "si-eun! you never told us you had a special someone!"

─ "hey, wheres that grumpy look now, huh?!"

─ "yeah! why're you hiding her away, you rascal?!"

author's note: this is so cute ehe

[jellykyunnie]

˗ˏˋ Jinwoo x Fem! Reader: Soulmate! Au ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ ˎˊ˗

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

・┆✦ Entry : 043 ✦ ┆・

╰┈➤ ❝ [ I'm willing to bind myself to you] ¡! ❞

Jinwoo had always been curious about the little red string attached to his finger. He had this way before his regression. His mother always told him that he is lucky that he can see his red string, it meant that he would find his lover faster than anybody else would.

Does he, a man who really could care less about fantasy romance— Find this whole thing cheesy? Definitely.

While others would certainly start flipping rocks just to find their 'one true love'; Jinwoo did none of that.

He had priorities to deal with.

Such as suddenly becoming the patriarch of the family due to his father going missing, trying to provide care to his mother who has come down into a coma, and taking care of his dear baby sister on top of that.

Jinwoo probably got into debt in the process of trying to shoulder all the financial problems.

Would you really think he had some time for romantic relationships and much less go hunting for a needle in a haystack?

However... He did have some small chemistry with Hae-in, though, it felt more shallow than anything. After all, they only met a few times and decided to roll with it just because.

It felt... Empty so to speak.

They say that romance feels like a tidal wave, once it comes— It overwhelms you with such force you'd have nothing more choice than to kneel before it and surrender yourself to it's mercy.

But Jinwoo couldn't feel any of that with Hae-in.

Don't get him wrong, she is a wonderful person. Kind, pretty, all that and whatnot.

But what can he do if a heart does not want what it wants?

His red string wouldn't be reacting neither. Not a glow, not a tug, no nothing.

Jinwoo would eventually find himself just ignoring the little red string until the time he regresses.

Heck, he even forgot about it even if it's literally tied to his very own finger.

And as he traversed the long hallways of his school, hands shoved in his pockets while listening to his friends banter around him— He felt a soft tug on his finger.

"H-hey! Knock it off, I wanna pull for Aventurine myself!" A voice would erupt his bewilderment as a sharp tug at his finger pulls again. "Iseol!"

He looks back to see your figure running after your friend who had taken your phone.

"Huh..." Jinwoo hums, shaking his head and turning away.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

Jinwoo felt entirely restless after that little meeting. It's not like he caught a proper glimpse at you, your back was turned the entire time.

And yet he finds himself completely fidgety. His sister even rants that he had been pacing for hours if she wouldn't snap him out of his little trance.

Has he lost his mind over a girl he hasn't properly seen? Definitely.

Is it the effects of the red string? Not impossible.

"Goddamnit!" Jinwoo sighs, ruffling his head and flopping onto the bed.

"My liege..." Beru's small voice calls out. "My lord, you are... Anxious."

"Tell me about it" Jinwoo scoffs, groaning through his pillow.

"...My liege, I have her scent, do you wish to track he—"

"You do?!" Jinwoo perks up, staring intensely at his soldier before mentally slapping himself. "Ack... No, don't make me a creep"

He felt frustrated, why would he do that? Why should he? He might as well spend his time in jail for even trying to entertain the idea of stalking you.

Jinwoo's gaze would then absentmindedly drift towards the red string on his ring fingerz nothing how much vibrant it's color is now compared to before.

Was it your doing? Maybe.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

He told himself not to be a creep and yet found himself somewhat lingering around you. All the little things about you, he started taking note of.

From memorizing the frequent pastries you buy from the cafeteria, to the drinks you often buy from the vending machine, and even trying to overhear the games you play on your phone.

It was really just curiousity.

After all, he can't help but find it cute on the way your eyes would perk up as you ramble on to your friends about some lore or complaining about some game mechanics because of how hard it was.

Jinwoo was just about to leave you to your own devices until your voice ripped through the air—

"AVENTURINE!!!!" You cheer, standing up immediately and pacing back and forth. "HE'S HOME, AFTER SACRIFICING 30 DOLLARS FOR THIS DAMN BASTARD HE'S HOM—!!!!"

Your heart dropped immediately as your shoe got caught over on a crack— And for sure you were going to land but instead a hand would reach out to hold your shoulder and keep you steady.

"Easy there," Jinwoo says, helping you stand straight.

"!!!!" You panic, pulling away with your face entirely flushed. "I-I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to!..."

"Wait, calm down—...." Jinwoo wasn't even given a second any longer to speak as you dashed away in a frenzy.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

Your heart is beating out of your chest, your lungs are barely catching any breath as you coughed, the noises you made akin to whistles while trying to gasp out for air.

It's tight.

Painful.

Your hands are sweating, trembling as if it's suffering from frostbite.

Is it fear?

No.

It's just how you react after being way too dangerously close to the person you adored so much.

His eyes.

God those grey eyes.

Long lashes, a high nose bridge, thin peach lips, and that agonizingly relaxing scent on him— Gods.

Not to mention his height, he was like a tower. And those broad shoulders underneath his baggy clothing that hid the muscular form underneath—

Sung JInwoo will be the death of you.

You had been avoiding him ever since coming here.

How long has it been?... Ah... It's been 3 years since you arrived in this world.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

It was supposed to be your doctor's appointment. Since you have arrived an hour earlier from your check-up, you decided to stroll around the mall first.

Okay, you weren't really taking a stroll.

Your strides are purposeful and hurried, the goal is clear:

Get to the bookstore.

As you recalled, it should be at the other end of the mall.

It didn't matter how long you're going to walk, you needed to see if it's there. Nothing is more important than that.

Taking the elevator down and nearly having a heart attack from the sound of it creaking as it took you to the lower level; you stepped out and dashed immediately to the entrance.

Glancing around like a madman, you scoured the large and intimidating place before deciding to enter completely and attempt to look for the section you needed to be in.

Passing by interesting books wasn't the goal, and after almost 3 minutes of going in circles you finally saw the section you needed to be in.

As soon as your eyes landed on the cover of the book you have been searching for— You had to swallow your squeals.

Your hands however? They were shaking so bad.

You paced back and forth for a bit before finally deciding to reach out on the book and take it out of it's shelf cautiously.

Taking a deep breath, you gently pry open the thing and feel your heart flutter.

"Jinwoo-ah...." You mumble, giggling quietly as your eyes dilate into heart shapes at the sight of the precious man you cannot stop obsessing over.

Carding your digits carefully on the fine paper, your stroke Jinwoo's face on the page delicately like you were handling the most fragile little thing ever.

You can't help but admire him all the more as you silently freak out like a madman in the aisle.

He was so handsome.

And now that you can physically run your fingers across the pages while crushing on him felt a whole lot different.

You had about a decent amount of money on you, it should be fine. As you reach for your little bag, you hear some crackling above your head.

The next thing you knew? You were suddenly shrouded in darkness.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

You assume you must have died that day while shopping for your first ever solo leveling purchase. After all, you suddenly woke up in an unfamiliar apartment.

It tooka while to get used to it, but apparently you're in seoul living alone in a decent apartment with a black card containing a lot of money.

Complaints? Nowhere.

— Except that Solo Leveling doesn't exist in this world.

Did you have a literal mental breakdown over it? He yeah.

Big tears, pathetic sniffles and nasty snot. All that.

You cried like a toddler just because you cant do your monthly ritual of rereading solo leveling and admiration of Jinwoo anymore.

So with salty tears you grab a pencil and paper to start sketching him down. If you can't read, mind as well draw the image of him when it's still fresh.

It took 3 weeks to recover, and in youur room, your desk is full of Jinwoo's sketches. It isn't the same as the manhwa but it's the best you could do.

It took another 2 to finally come to terms with your new reality.

You're rich, mind as well live life, right?

You even enrolled to a highschool. After all, k-dramas are always centered around that part of life. Why not experience it yourself?

After successfully buying all of your school materials, you glance down at your ring finger and notice a delicately tied red string.

Huh...

That wasn't there yesterday.

Picking at it and attempting to take it off didn't work. So after an hour of struggling, you gave in and let it be.

Maybe the string was proof that you had died.

And maybe it was a sign that this is your purgatory. Or not, everything is way too normal except for no Jinwoo.

So heh....

But ah, it wasn't part of your plans to see a figure... Way too familiar.

Tall, dark, and handsome.

Three words and you associate it with only one person.

Amidst the crowd of students lined up on the grounds your eyes zeroed in instantly on a single boy who stood out amongst everyone.

No way... Right?

That piercing gaze, the fluffy hoodie, and a glove on his left hand.

That was Jinwoo's appearance when he regressed in time and went into highschool.

Shit.

Isn't your uniform similar to Jinah's?

You should've realized in the first place.

Wait no, you're not really mad it's just!... Jinwoo... Seeing him on the crowd, the probability of meeting him in the hallways isn't zero.

How are you going to survive? Is this why there isn't solo leveling in this world?

Because this world is where the protagonist lives?

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

And that is the story of how you arrived here in this world. During the 2 months of being in school, you occasionally passed by Jinwoo, and in each fleeting moment you had to hide in the washroom to try and calm yourself from your panic. Your heart would beat as if it's going to explode, your breathing would be erratic each time that you cant really take a breath.

You always knew that meeting him will quite take a toll on you because you loved him so much, but you didn't think it would be this bad that you look like you're having a panic attack.

Stay Calm.

You need to stay calm. If you pass out from fangirling over your precious idol it'll be embarassing as hell.

Calm down.

You need to calm down.

It's not like he actually saw you, it'll be fine.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

No, it wasn't fine.

Somehow, crossing paths with Jinwoo became more uncharacteristically frequent. It's to the point that you needed to actively avoid his usual walking routes.

Is it stupid to hide from someone who has the ability to locate anyone at any given moment? Yes.

Will you still keep doing it? Yes.

You don't hate Jinwoo, you just cant handle being around him knowing how much adoration you hold inside your heart and knowing that he will never be yours.

It should be around this season when Jinwoo asks Chae Hae-in out and kisses her under the falling snow.

It isn't december 24th yet but... Does it matter?

She's so lucky, having someone like him to admire her.

The only thing you have with you is a lonely life with money.

As well as this stupid red string wrapped around your finger.

What is it meant to represent anyway? A lover?

Surely not.

Who would love you?

The sad, pathetic, lonely, and broken you who doesn't belong in this world.

Just like your previous life and this one, you feel an awful sense of alienation that is unpleasant. The kind of loneliness that eats at your heart every single day.

"Ah, you're here?" A voice from behind you makes you jump and instantly whip your head around.

"A-ah..." You panic, recognizing the familiar grey eyes.

"Now, don't even run away." Jinwoo simply says, smiling.

It made you gulp honestly, something about that grin made you feel like he's willing to pull you into the land of eternal rest if you do.

"U-uhm..." You sputter, fidgeting.

"Not even wearing gloves in this weather?" He inquires, pulling the gloves off of his hands and gently taking yours.

"..."

The red string on your finger tingled, glowing softly as the broken ends binded itself to the strings on Jinwoo's finger.

"How cute" Jinwoo interrupts the silence. "Even if you run away now, these strings will keep us binded."

"W-wait!" You panic, utterly confused as you look up at him.

"I won't force myself on you," He says, his gaze moving from the strings to your eyes. "But I do want to court you properly,... If you'll let me."

"....."

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

"That's the story of how me and your daddy got together," You hum softly, caressing your fingers softly against your stomach that is now holding a four month old growing baby.

"What a cute bedtime story," Jinwoo chuckles, approaching from the door and pecking your forehead. "Now, shouldn't you be asleep, hm? My pretty wife needs a lot of rest since you're carrying our little ball of sunshine"

"I just couldn't help it..." You pout at him, and he only pinches your cheek before leaning down to kiss your stomach.

"Mhm, I can tell" He shakes his head while gently pulling the blanket over you. "Go to sleep, jagiya. I still need to shower after a long day at the office"

"Please hurry..." You ask softly, tugging at his sleeve.

"I will" Jinwoo promises, leaning in to kiss your forehead again. "So go to sleep."

꒰ 🪼 A/N: Sorry for the inactiveness ahhh... I'm quite burnt out as of late and I've been doing some commissions as well as running errands www. I'll postpone the cai requests for a bit longer ahhh... I have to make assassin au too ejshrgshs. Oh well, here's to praying I figure out wth I want to do with assassin au ꒱

ʚ(੭´͈ ᐜ `͈)੭ .｡✧･ﾟ: ~♡ — All stories written by kyunnie; translations, reposts, plagiarism are strictly forbidden.

[ryuucam]

FAMILY MATTERS

⋆｡𖦹°‧ despite being just a year younger than him, kuroo has always been overprotective: that’s what good childhood friends do, after all. so when you confide in him your crush on his best friend, bokuto, he’ll match you two up, on just one condition. he’ll be the one to fuck you first.

contains dark content, fauxcest (kuroo and reader have a sibling complex, no one’s related but the lines are very blurry), yan!kuroo, jock!bokuto, love triangles (no action between kuroo and bokuto), size kink, threesome, lots of pet names, spit, nii-chan x imouto, virgin!reader, dumbification, daddy (used once), spitroasting, blowjob, fingering, aftercare!, implied cuckolding/netorare (?), open ending, 4k + words.

notes me next OMG WHO SAID THAT!!!! ending sucks sorry guys </3 but im a sucker for kuroo nii

your parents split up before you were born, leaving you in a family friend’s care. a sweet, middle aged man, mr. yoshimura, who had no kids and no immediate family. he knew the lack of a parent - let alone two - is not something that’s easy on children, so he moved to tokyo, in a neighborhood full of kids and families, in hopes of raising you surrounded by peers and whatnot. despite this, 5 year old you didn’t know any better: all alone, in a place you don’t know, and too timid to become friends with any of the kids in the local playground. but, when little you was just about to sob and run back to your house, a boy, one year older at best, stopped you.

“why’re you alone?” you’re quiet. then he flashes you a smile (and even if he’s missing his front tooth, it’s sweet), so you gather your courage and speak up. “i just moved here.” the boy laughs. “i’ll be your friend then!”

and that’s what kuroo is - a friend. a great one, of course, but even since then he’s set his mind of taking care of you. you grew up like siblings: both pained at the loss of your mother, both around the same age, and luckily enough, your house was just in front of his. so it’s only natural that you guys are close - sure, kenma hangs out with you guys when he manages to leave the house - but the bond you have is special. it’s unbreakable. you had countless sleepovers, hangouts, even cuddles when you first got your period and were in too much pain to do anything. the line was always a bit blurry, but you never paid any mind to it. kuroo is like your brother, and you both joke about it sometimes - calling you imouto and him onii chan, you viewed your relationship as entirely platonic, familial at best.

on the other hand, kuroo became smitten with you from your first meeting, only discovering his feelings when you were thirteen and puberty hit: everything became a bit too awkward, and your regular sleepovers gradually stopped. at sixteen, kuroo had already two small relationships under his belt, all while chastising you when you spent a bit too much time with any guy friend - he’s not good for you, you deserve better… are all excuses kuroo came up with to prevent you from getting your heart broken. at nineteen, kuroo’s in the third year of high school, and is about to graduate. you’ve grown now: you’re taller, prettier, and your body is… different, to say the least. testuro feels awful about his thoughts, but he’d be lying if he didn’t say he woke up with countless hard ons for years on end, involuntarily upsetting his girlfriends who were just placeholders compared to you. but, kuroo keeps scolding you when you forget your lunch or your scarf: “niichan’s not gonna be around forever, kay? gotta learn to take care of yourself, hm?” and you just nod, letting him do his thing because he’s naturally flirty. right?

however, kuroo is demoted to second place when you meet him: 6’2, awfully muscular and sickeningly sweet, one too many “that score was for ya, pretty!”, and a bit dumb but with a big heart (and big bulge in his shorts) - bokuto kotaro. he doesn’t go to your school, unfortunately, but it’s close enough for him to be at your school’s gymnasium regularly for countless volleyball matches with kuroo’s team. he’s sweet, sure, a bit dense, but very nice nonetheless. when he sees you, he always runs up to you, big smile and all, asking about your day, sometimes sneaking in some flirting - “good day, right y/nnie? hehe, couldn’t wait to see ya today. ya look as pretty as i thought you’d be!”. you always blush at the implications, and gradually you fond yourself smiling a bit more and blushing a bit harder. you twirl your hair when he talks to you, bat your eyelashes, not too much, but enough to make bokuto’s head spin and cock leak.

kuroo notices - of course he does. he’s always looking at you, naturally worried about what you’re up to, who’re you talking to. his heart beats a little bit faster, pumping envy and jealousy right into his veins, only fueling the deeply rooted love he has for you. he’s fuming, and it translates into the field perfectly: his spikes are a bit too harsh, a bit less precise, ultimately ending up hitting his friends in the head (and he goes back to normal soon after, apologizing and saying he wasn’t as concentrated). today’s match ends in a tie, fortunately for you, who are rooting for both teams - your niichan’s and bokuto’s. as you busy yourself talking to kenma after the match (or, blabbering about how cool bokuto looked, how strong he is, how big his muscles are, all the while kenma does nothing but sigh), the team captains are both changing in the locker room.

and of course, they’re nineteen and immature, so locker room talk is inevitable - but today, there’s just the two of them, the rest of the teams had left early. bokuto’s the one who speaks up first, while he runs a towel over his drenched hair. “so, kuroo… y’r sis was all dolled up today, don’tcha think?” kuroo doesn’t correct his friend. “guess so. that’s just her school uniform, though. ya think that’s dolled up?” “c’mon, the skirt was lots shorter! she’s got great legs too.” bokuto giggles, the thought of your exposed legs going straight to the bulge in his shorts. kuroo doesn’t laugh: well, of course you looked stunning, but bokuto’s just so crude about it, he thinks. “yeah, she’s hot.” kuroo mutters, earning a whistle from bokuto. “damn, thought ya’d kill me for sayin’ that over your imouto. well, whatever, she’s an eye candy, and a real smart girl too. she’s definitely my type, bro!”. kuroo fakes a laugh. “yeah, maybe she’s into you too. maybe she likes himbos.” “huh? ya think?” kuroo sighs.

when they’re done, they find you all bundled up next to the gym entrance, dozing off. your knees are pushed up to your chest, and your legs rest around your legs. your lips are slowly parted and the soft wind is blowing your hair just right. kuroo’s in awe - you’ve always been pretty, to say the least, but some days he swears you were made for him to see, to worship. bokuto chuckles, as if hearing his best friend’s inner dialogue, and his gaze follows the curves and shadows of your body, finding itself stuck on your glossy lips. bokuto hesitates a second too long, and kuroo’s the first to reach out to you, kneeling next to where you’re sitting. his hand caresses your hair, gently, with the experience of someone who’s been taking care of you for 14 years now. his face hovers near yours, hand sneaking up to your shoulder. “princess, wake up. lemme take you home.”, he breathes out, voice soft and meant only for you to hear. you begin to stir, subconsciously moving your face dangerously close to his. “tetsu?” his breath hitches. “yeah, pretty? ya tired?” “mhm.” kuroo chuckles, and takes you into his arms, slowly petting you awake. your body is pressed snugly against his, smaller and softer, as if it was made exactly for him to hold. he’s quiet when he feels his cock straining against his pants, too preoccupied with lifting you up. once you’re standing up, you rub your eyes, trying to make the sleepiness go away - and bokuto feels like his heart’s melting. “y’re pretty cute, ain’tcha?” he smiles. you’re suddenly reminded of his presence, the interaction you just with nii- no, with kuroo, suddenly makes you feel even more embarrassed.

kuroo breaks the uncomfortable silence. “we’ve got to go home.” you want to protest, but maybe he’s right. he wants to take care of you. so you nod, and wave goodbye to bokuto, before walking over to your childhood friend. as you two walk to your house, you make small talk - the chemistry test you had today, which he tutored you for, his university plans, the match he’s had today. “can i tell you something?” you ask, soft smile on your face. “hm? yeah. what’s up, cutie?” you giggle at the nickname - it’s sweet, childish, and he’s always called you that. “i think ‘m getting a crush on bokuto.”

and unexpectedly, he laughs. “really? ya like kotaro? dunno if he’s good for you, princess.” you nod - the weird feeling you had about the tension between the two captains is now gone - and are quick to defend him. “huh? why not? he’s so tall ‘n he’s so sweet!” you’re now outside your front door. kuroo pats your head, messing up your hair, earning a huff of frustration from you. “whatever ya want, cutie.” and he leans closer to you. it’s not unusual: he’s always been touchy. his lips hover near yours, and you feel like time stops. then, he presses a peck near the corner of your mouth. your face’s beet red - he’s never kissed you like this before - and you stammer out some words. “h-huh? wh-what’s that for, tetsu?” he chuckles, before turning around, about to leave. “can’t let him take you away from me. had you first.”

you spend the night tossing and turning in your bed, unable to catch any sleep. you sigh, and grab your phone, scrolling through your texts and notifications - one of which catches your attention: a dm on instagram. you open it, and you’re met by bokuto’s profile. you blush, feet kicking under the covers, and hurry to reply.

bokuto.taro1: hey hey pretty girl, just wanted to say you looked very pretty today. let me take ya out, yeah? let me show ya how serious i am about you.

your legs squeeze together - even his texting is attractive.

y/nniee: hi!! thank uu :) id love that actually

bokuto.taro1: ofc you do cutie. gotta ask permission to your nii-chan first, tho.

your breath hitches. right, kuroo. if he gave you a kiss just because you mentioned liking bokuto, you don’t know what he’ll do if he finds out he wants to take you out. your train of thought is interrupted by another ping from your phone.

bokuto.taro1: but seriously, baby, you’re so pretty. been thinking about you for a while now.. your skirts are gonna kill me one day.

bokuto.taro1: it’s late. better go to sleep, hm? before your nii nii finds out you’ve been texting me all night.

the date with bokuto went well. a movie theater date, watching the new horror movie you’ve seen all over your social media. he held your hand, bought you popcorn, and left you at your doorstep at 11 pm sharp. when he was about to leave, you spoke up. “w-wait.” “hm? what is it?” he turns around, curious. you walk over to him, and you cup his cheek. you pull him closer, and closer, until you’re both so close you’re breathing the same air. “want me to kiss ya?” you nod. he gets impossibly closer to you, and presses his lips on your jawline. “mhm, ya sure? tetsu’s gonna kill me.” his lips keep moving, now nibbling on your ear. you whimper. “please, kotaro? jus’ one kiss?” he giggles against your ear lobe, and brings his face back to yours, softly locking you in a soft, chaste kiss. your lips are soft, glossy, untouched, but it’s not enough for either of you.

“can’t do anythin’ more, princess. you don’t know what i’d do to ya right now, all pretty and shit. but your nii chan wants to be careful, you got it? ‘m gonna take great care of you if you let us.”

“n-nii chan?” “yeah, baby.” bokuto presses his lower body against yours, painfully hard cock poking your tummy. you whimper: it’s even bigger than what you imagined. bokuto can only laugh - you’re so tiny compared to him. “you feel it? that’s how hard- fuck - you make me. every day. have me tuggin’ at my cock for hours, can’t go down if i’m thinking about you, baby girl. you want it?” you nod, eyes glossy and lips parted, desperate to feel his bulge closer. “then ya’ve got to let your nii nii watch when i fuck you, alright? he wants to see his imouto get taken care of.” your heart stops - what? everything about this makes your poor head spin: what does kuroo have to do with this? well, you know he’s overprotective, but never this much. and there’s a little part of you that’s screaming at the creepiness of this situation. your niichan? your… brother? he wants to fuck you? well, in his defense, you’re not actual siblings, but you’ve always been so close - your stomach does a flip at the realization that each time you’d called him niichan, he had probably gotten off on it. you’re brought back to reality when bokuto presses another peck on your forehead, sweet, infantilizing, further dumbing you down to a poor, helpless little girl. “baby - whaddaya think? hm? we’re gonna take care of ya.” and you’re so ashamed of yourself when you nod in agreement.

so here you are - at home, sprawled on your soft mattress, as you wait for kuroo to come over. when bokuto called him, you’re sure you’ve heard a breathy laugh - dark, sinister, but you’re not too sure: even if this is a bit creepy, kuroo’s a good guy, right? your niichan who won’t let anything bad happen to you. bokuto senses your worries, hushing and shushing you by straddling your body. his lips press against yours, but it’s messier, wetter, than last time: they move with experience on top of yours, and as soon as you part your mouth slightly, he stuffs it with his fat tongue, exploring your hole. the room’s filled with your “ah- nghn… oh! a-ah…”s, and bokuto’s “quiet, girlie, lemme kiss ya a bit more…” as he sucks on your tongue. the kiss feels like it’s out of a porn comic - the ones you found on twitter, the ones you spent endless nights reading while rubbing desperately your clit. your tongues dance together, messy and desperately dirty, but it has you going dumb in seconds.

then, you hear a whistle coming out of your door. kuroo’s standing there, arms crossed as he watches bokuto’s much bigger body engulf yours. he has a big grin on his face - probably because of the sweet sounds you’re letting out, or because you look so cute with a much bigger man kissing you stupid. “bo, c’mon, let y/nnie breathe. right, cutie? he kissed you stupid already?” he breathes, getting closer to your bed. you’re tucked into the mattress, on top of your pink, girly sheets, hiding your trembling body behind your plushies (most of which were a gift from kuroo). kuroo sits on your bed, hand resting on your thigh, while bokuto leans back to take in your disheveled look - messy hair, smudged makeup, swollen lips. “tetsu…” you whimper, seeking comfort in someone you known so well. “see, bo? told you she needs to be taken care of.” kuroo turns to bokuto, his cheshire grin never faltering. bokuto laughs, then points at you with his head, bringing his friend’s attention back to you. “oh, princess”, kuroo coos, “poor thing. want me to take care of you?” you nod. the ache in your now drenched panties is unbearable, making your head spin and eyes tear up: you need it to stop, to go away - your hypersensitivity is so cute. so endearing, innocent.

just like the sweet, sugary kisses kuroo presses on your cheeks as bokuto begins to massage your shoulders. “hey, cutie”, he brings your attention back to him. “lemme undress you, hm? don’t hafta do anythin’, sweet girl, i’ll take care of ya.” “hm, ngh… y-yes plea-ah-se!” and he gets to work. he leaves you in your underwear - a baby pink cotton set, with bows and white details. so cute. bokuto can’t enjoy the show as much as he’d like to, though, because kuroo’s hand flows to one of your breasts, cupping the soft flesh he’s dreamed of for ages. you stifle your moans: the feeling is so foreign and weird, but it’s so good. “angel,” tetsuro speaks against your ear, voice sending electricity throughout your body, “always dreamt about this. about your pretty body.” his thumb moves to your covered nipple, already hard and pressed snugly against the fabric of your bra. “n-nii chan…” kuroo feels his cock strain - oh, you pervert. you nasty, dirty girl, calling him big bro when he’s rubbing your tits sore. but, he can’t scare you away. he wants to hear you keep calling him that, to show bokuto your bond is stronger than any other you’ll ever have.

so kuroo’s quiet. “what is it, imouto?”

the name makes your neglected cunny twitch. but everything is feels so good, four hands touching and pawing at you, two hot men on your bed kissing you stupid. so you keep going - puffing up your lips. “wanna kiss. please.” your gaze flickers between bokuto and kuroo, but eventually settling on the latter. kotaro can wait, right? but oh, kissing your tetsu feels so wrong. unfortunately for you, he doesn’t hesitate, locking your lips together. it’s messy, raw, and so unbearably wrong, but it makes your pussy pulse a bit more, and it almost calms down the anxiety pooling into your stomach. it’s your tetsu, your niichan - yes, it’s wrong, but he knows you best, no? that’s why he’s here.

bokuto’s jealous - why is he here if you’re gonna kiss your brother all night? so he acts. he, not without a struggle, unhooks your bra, letting your pretty tits fall exposed. you whimper, but it goes unnoticed as bokuto latches his mouth on your other nipple, sucking harshly the warm flesh. your head spins, and you feel like fainting when kuroo mimics his friend. they lick, bite, mark your tits, leaving them all swollen and bruised. your mouth feels empty, and you tentatively reach over to the two men. “ca-ahn, can you… nghm, guys k-kiss me more? ‘m achin’ do-down there…” oh. they were both so intent on competing with each other, they stopped coddling their sweet girl. kuroo goes back to kissing you, pulling you into his lap as you face bokuto. the former’s cock is pressed against the swell of your ass, and the latter is kissing your body, going lower and lower until he presses a final, wet kiss on your panty clad pussy.

“bo, take em off. she soiled her panties anyway.” kuroo orders, voice slightly muffled because he just won’t stop kissing you. bokuto does just that - he pecks your cunny two more times, then rolls down your drenched underwear, leaving your pretty pussy bare. the two men feel their cocks pulsing: the sight of your cunt being almost too much for them to handle. it’s puffy, wet, but twitching and they can see your little clit peeking from your squishy folds. tetsuro squeezes your tits, and speaks up. “princess - y’want a cock in there? want us to fuck you?” how can he be so crude about this? but your pretty cunny is screaming at you to stuff her, to make her feel so full, so you whimper out an answer. “mh-mhm tetsu… pl-please…mhgn.. o-one of you…” bokuto smiles and pets your head, his much bigger hand messing up your hair. “lemme do it - please? lemme ruin your pretty cunny, baby, fuck, she looks so pretty. ‘m gonna stuff her nice ‘n well, princess, jus’ how you wanna.” kuroo let’s out a dry laugh. “what’s gotten you so worked up, bo? her pussy that pretty?” kuroo jolts you into his lap, positioning your jerking cunt right on top of his clothed, painfully hard cock, earning a loud moan from you. he softens when you whimper and moan - you’re too fucked out, too dumb already, so you need to be fucked by someone’s who’s careful, caring. “y/nnie.”

his voice is grounding, strict, something you’ve heard all your life. your nii-chan, your tetsuro. he is a comforting presence throughout all of this - so you nod. “please-ahse, nii-channgh… oh!” “please what, princess? want me to be the one to fuck your angelcunt first?” “mhm! please!” bokuto sighs - should’ve known the pretty girl he’s liked for a few months now had a brother complex. kuroo turns you around, so that you’re facing him. he undoes his zipper, letting his cock spring free from the tightness of his boxers. it’s thick, with a stupidly red, fat tip that’s leaking so much precum. your mouth waters at the sight - your nii chan’s dick rests above your cunny, and it looks so big. then, you see another pair of hands sneak from behind, squeezing your waist, your hips, and resting near your crotch. bokuto’s hard, muscular chest is pressed against your back, head resting on your shoulder, and his thumb inches closer and closer to your clit. “kuroo, y’re gonna stick your dick in her without rubbin’ her clit? just for a bit, i-i’ll do that.” kuroo’s taken aback - he was so focused on making you his, on marking you before anyone else, that he forgot about easing your nerves. you throw your head back as bokuto’s fingers slip inside your hole, thumb drawing hearts on your clit, while his other hand pinches and rubs your nipple. “ta-ah, taro! nghn… ah- uh - ‘m g-gonna…!” your cry out.

his attack on your cunt is rough, hypocritically so when he just chastised kuroo for not taking care of you. “ya can do it, puppy, sing more for me mkay? wanna hear ya scream for me while i cuddle yer cunt. she’s so fuckin’ tight, holy shit. she’s loud too, hear that, y/nnie?”the squelching noises of your sopping pussy are so embarrassing, and the way he talks about it is so dirty - but it makes your slimy walls flutter around his fingers even tighter. “da-hmph!” “what’s that, bunny? what’re ya trying to call me, huh?” “da-ah… daddy…”

oh, fuck. bokuto presses his thumb harder on your clit, making you scream as you cum for the first time that night. kuroo’s cock twitches as he seethes - so jealous of the sweet moment between you and his friend. he can’t let you think about bokuto, no, he needs to bring you back to him - so he nudges his tip against your hole, swatting away the hands of the other man, uncaring of your pleas and cries. his tip’s big - and kuroo knows that making you ride him will hurt. but all the better for him, he’s gonna shape your insides to fit his cock only.

“angel.” you sniffle. “angel, ‘m gonna put it in, kay? focus on me.” “nii-chan…” “yeah, fuck. just like that, pretty, keep callin’ me - wanna hear you. ‘m gonna teach you how to sit on cock, yeah?” you nod. kuroo kisses you as he slips it in, popping your cherry. it’s painful, yes, but it’s so big, you’re so full - you’re already going dumb on your nii chan’s cock. kuroo positions your limp body so that you’re fully impaled by his length, fully sitting on it. “you’ve gotta bounce on it, bunny, make your nii chan cum.” you cry, fat tears streaming down your cheeks, but you do that regardless - because you want your kuroo nii to feel good. when he cums, he does it in you, cock kissing your cervix stupid, letting his fluids stain your cunny. you cream around him soon after, crying out for your nii chan.

then, kuroo reluctantly slips out of you. there’s a small pause, then you’re stuffed again. only this time, it’s bokuto’s cock that’s seeking your tight heat. he slipped into you from behind, and he presses you down on the bed - face down, ass up. “didn’t wanna be mean, baby. jus’ needed your pussy. so, so bad - forgive me, yeah?” “‘s fi-fine, taro, feels so - fuck! so g-good!” your voice is muffled, face smothered in blankets and plushies. as bokuto slams his cock in and out of you, you’re hugging one of the teddy bears - this one specifically was a gift from kuroo for your finals day last year. it makes you all warm and fuzzy, subconsciously clenching your cunt even tighter around his friend’s cock. kuroo notices - and he thinks you’re so cute, all needy for him even when you have another dick in you.

so he takes his cock in his hand again, and turns your head around: his tip kisses your lips, prodding at your mouth. “y/nnie… wanna suck here for a bit? make you feel all better.” and you hazily do so. as bokuto plows into you, you take kuroo’s dick in your mouth, slowly working your way down his shaft. you kiss his tip, lick it, suck on it to get used to the taste; it’s comforting, grounding, making you don’t feel as anxious as you’d be while having your first time. kotaro caresses your head as you start bobbing it up and down tetsuro’s length. “good fuckin’ girl - so sweet for us. such an angel, right kuroo?” “mh? yeah. makes me wanna do this again- fuck, y/nnie, i’m going to cum… don’t have to swallow, kay? you’re doing so good for nii chan.” tears pool in your eyes, both from the reassurance and the knot in your stomach snapping - you cum around kotaro’s cock, just as kuroo’s member slips out of your mouth and his cum splatters on your giggling tits and lips. bokuto cums soon later, dick going flaccid inside of your cunt.

you collapse on the bed, exhausted.

you’re awoken by the feeling of soft fabric on your skin - someone’s cleaning up your body. you pry one eye open, and both boys are still here. before you can say anything, bokuto speaks. “you were so good for us, sweetheart. thank you for letting us fuck you, yeah?” you blush - suddenly hyper aware of the situation you were just in. you look over at kuroo, who’s the one cleaning up your used pussy. “tetsu?” “yeah, baby? he’s right - such an angel.”

once they’re done cleaning you up, you squirm back into your blankets, tired. kuroo’s hand caresses your head, and bokuto’s holding your hand. you feel so safe, taken care of. “can you guys sleep here tonight?”

bokuto knows deep down that he can’t compete with kuroo. he loves you, he really does, but there’s just something so fucked up about your bond - and he feels bad for you. how you’re so dependent on kuroo for everything. how you’re such a fragile, pathetic girl enabled by the one you trust the most. you’re beyond fixing - he noticed how you clenched when you called him your big bro, how you went for his cock with no hesitation, how you let him fuck you after you went on a date with another guy. maybe it’s not that bad. you’re not actually related, right? it’s just a pet name, maybe that’s what childhood friends do. sure, that must be it.

kuroo notices. of course he does. and he’s got everything where he wants it to be. you sleeping on his chest (well, your hand is holding kotaro’s, but it could he worse), and a tissue with your mixed fluids thrown in the bin right next to the bed as proof of your actions just a few hours ago. but, he can’t lie: he feels somewhat guilty, maybe subconsciously so, for taking advantage of you. he knows his friend’s awake, and you’re in such a deep sleep, you probably won’t stir even if they chat for a bit.

“bo?” “yeah?” “i’m not gonna lie to you. i really don’t want you guys to go out together.” “yeah, figured as much - bokuto laughs - but you’re still my best friend and i still like her. even if you’re a creep for calling her sis when you’re fucking her, man.” there’s no malice in the air - just plain boy rivalry. kuroo replies after a few seconds. “she still lost her virginity to her nii chan. guess i’m not the only weirdo here. but still, dude, ‘m not gonna let her go so easily.”

bokuto sighs - he knows you’ll always run back to your big bro. that doesn’t stop him from trying. when you’ll wake up, he’ll still try his best to score another date with you. and kuroo will be there to remind you that he’s the only good guy for you - until you’ll be under him again while you cry for your nii chan to fuck you harder. you’re not sane in the head, but kuroo doesn’t mind. he’s here to make you feel better.

©️ ryuucam 2025.

[incorrectskyrimquotes]

"they worship YSMIR!!!!" you mean the nordic aspect of the god THIS CHAPEL IS DEDICATED TO????

Also very funny for the nords to say "we don't really have weddings in skyrim" when skyrims the only elder scrolls game WITH weddings

I understand some of the lore changed between games but talking to the people in bruma about skyrim and the nords is so funny as a Veteran Skyrim Player

[earlysunshines]

just pretend(?)

danielle marsh x fem!reader ; angst, fluff

synopsis: your coworker can’t seem to fall out of love with you so you convince your best friend to fake date you. sometimes the “fake” seems a little too real.

warnings: PINING!!! ; danielle is touchy and wonderful and reader is a mess ; kinda all over the place?? I'm also a bit iffy ab the pacing on this one ; bit of angst near the end ; alcohol ; anything else not mentioned ; not proofread… none of my fics are…

a/n: this is based off my life rn bc my friend and i r literally fake dating so my coworker can stop being in love w me and i just HAD to turn this into a fic like what (but most of this is exaggerated ofc esp the whole coworker thing I made her a little over the top on purpose for the plotLOL)

"absolutely not." hanni looks disgusted, almost appalled with that stupid expression on her face. “you’re crazy.”

"please, i'll pay you." you beg, clasping your hands together and giving her your best puppy eyes.

"you're going to scare the hoes away... no, no, and no.”

"what ‘hoes’ hanni? when is the last time you've talked to a girl." you groan and pinch the bridge of your nose.

she sticks her tongue out at you, then responds, “you wouldn’t know…”

“dumbass the only reason i’m begging is because women do want me. please, it’s not going to be serious or anything—“

“i don’t care, the answer is no. ask someone else!”

you’re currently perched on the edge of your best friend's bed, practically begging for help. you seem to have a knack for attracting the strangest types of people, and this time, it’s your coworker who’s got severe attachment issues and an unhealthy level of codependency. all you wanted was a paycheck and simplicity, but now you find yourself in a situation you never asked for.

your best friend groans again, “you and your flirting… it gets you into this shit time and time again and the way you act… you know what you’re doing.”

“what?”

“shut up, you act gay and you know people fall for that. i’m not gonna help you because you want to be an asshole, if you could just be normal for once—“

“fuck you.” you flop onto her bed, shutting your eyes and rubbing your face. “i’m just nice and it’s fun to flirt! it’s nothing. i flirt with my friends and you all the time, they’re fine with it.”

“that’s because they’re straight, y/n. gay people are very vulnerable – except me.”

“you would know.” you retort, earning a glare from hanni. “who the hell do i ask then?”

“haerin?”

“she wouldn’t.”

“yunjin?”

“we don’t match, plus, she dates around.”

“sakura?”

“edating someone right now, some girl in france?”

“the hell?”

“i know.” you sigh louder and hanni just looks at you with slight, playful disgust. “what do i do.” you flop your hands onto the mattress and stare up. “dude, she’s too obsessed, i’m flattered because i mean, maybe i’m attractive and whatnot but this is just–”

“--delusion at its peak.” hanni clicks her tongue, now smiling at you; an idea pops up in your best friend's big head. you turn to face her, raising a brow. “how about dani? she’s literally perfect.”

danielle marsh is perfect, that’s the problem.

she’s a biology major whose ipad pro notes are so neat and pleasing to the eye that they genuinely keep you awake at night – most of it being because you’re leeching off her, but they’re so neat it really has you thinking how she does it all. 

to make things even more bewildering (and impressive), she’s one of two people you know – you’re unsure whether your cousin hyein counts, high school is nothing compared to what you endure – who manages to get at least eight hours of sleep daily. in contrast, everyone else in your circle, including yourself, is barely hanging on by a thread. 

yet, danielle seems to have cracked the code. she even finds time to volunteer at the library where she works, making you wonder if she’s some sort of extraordinary being. her ability to balance everything so effortlessly leaves you in awe, often questioning if she’s even real considering how remarkable she is.

the worst part is that she’s your best friend, right after hanni, and the person you’ve been crushing on since your first semester of university. 

it’s impossible not to have a crush on her—she’s gorgeous, sweet, and embodies everything you could ever want and more. she’s captivating, and every time you see her she flashes that stupid, adorable smile that makes your heart do a flip regardless of how many times you’ve convinced yourself that she’s unattainable and that there’s no way and that you don’t even like her and–

“i couldn’t.” you shut hanni down, quick. “she’s… you know.”

hanni furrows both brows, turning her head. “she’s what?”

“you know.” you make some strange gesture with your hands that only confuse hanni further. 

“i don’t, just fake date her.”

“she wouldn’t agree.”

“sure she would, let me call her!”

you shoot up and look at hanni with an expression that screams ‘are you out of your mind?’ as she finds danielle’s contact on her phone. 

before you can stop her, you hear a ringing sound and feel your body give up. hanni grins at you when danielle picks up five seconds later, both of you hearing a friendly, “hi!” as you back away from her.

“hey mo dani!” hanni greets, giving you a shit eating smirk. “miss l/n has a question for you.”

“she’s with you?” danielle’s voice is sweet like honey even from the phone. “hi!”

“hey!” you greet a little awkwardly, glaring at hanni. 

“y/n was wondering if you could date her.” 

eyes widening, you leap and grab the phone from hanni immediately, sputtering out jumbles of words nervously, “n-no! i mean, yeah… but not for real.” 

“oh,” you hear danielle respond lowly from the end of the phone. “wait, i’m confused.”

hanni watches you close your eyes tightly, clearly flustered and thrown off by her little antics. 

“y/n came over to ask me to date her, not actually, but just like, pretend.” hanni explains, “her coworker is still in love with her.”

“sarah?” you hear from the other end of the phone. “i thought you rejected her like, three months ago.”

“i did, but she’s still… ugh.” you flop onto the bed again and danielle hears hanni laughing in the background. “she’s still stuck on me i think, i don’t know, she’s been so…”

“if it’ll stop bothering you then i’ll help!”

“you will?” you respond, shocked. hanni mouths an i told you, then gets shoved. 

“yeah! i don’t want my best friend being so bothered, it must make you uncomfy too, right? working with someone who likes you?”

you start to wonder if danielle would be uncomfortable in a similar situation, maybe in one where she’s friends with someone who likes her, but she’s unaware of that. you shake your head, clearing your mind and staying present.

“kind of, it’s just… extra stress.”

“okay, then let’s date!” she beams, you can picture her eyes scrunching and smile growing. you want to die (affectionate) just thinking of it. “this should be fun!”

“thanks for helping out dani, thanks so much. i’ll let you be, okay? gotta go um… run errands.” 

“alright! just text me, bye, love you.” the call ends and you sigh again, feeling yourself sink deeper into hanni’s sheets.

hanni is very much your mortal enemy, she still doesn’t know why you’re so distraught because of danielle. whatever the reason may be, it makes her cackle next to you.

–

it’s nine in the morning, you didn’t have time to pregame the lecture on microbiology with at least three shots of espresso, and you’re yawning as you leave the room.

you hear your name being called out and turn to see no one other than the feeling of hot chocolate on a cold, snowy day turned into a person walking towards you – danielle.

“hey! hi.” she greets, smiling wide. her hair is clipped up and small strands of her hair stick out cutely. “hey baby.” 

you almost choke. “what?”

“did you forget we’re dating now?”

“oh.” dating, but is it even that if it’s not real? “um, hey babe?” it comes out uncertain and danielle laughs.

“wow, you suck at this – it’s okay, we’ll work on it.” she giggles, then links her arms with you. “let’s go get coffee, i need it in my system right now. oh my god, it’s our first date!”

laughing to hopefully fade away all signs of being flustered to oblivion, you tighten your arm that’s locked with hers. “right, yeah.”

you’re going on a ‘date’ with the prettiest girl on campus, she’s paying for your iced americano with oat milk splashed into it, and she’s smiling at you like you’re laughter in the rain. this can’t be good for you, it can’t be — it’s not. you wonder whether this will be worth it in the end because your coworker doesn’t even know about any of it.

(yet.)

–

before your next shift with your delusional coworker, you and danielle have already conjured up a storyline and backstory for your whole arrangement.

you two conversed for an hour after walking towards the park near her apartment and sitting down next to each other on the swings like kids. danielle was giggling and you were smiling at how charming she looked. unfortunately, you found yourself falling even harder for her just from making up the whole fake story.

danielle suggested keeping it simple, but cute: you two met at the library she worked at, you found her cute and exchanged numbers, went on a few dates, and have been girlfriends for nearly two months.

“but i literally told sarah that i wasn’t looking for anything.” you explain, sighing as you kick the mulch on the ground. that’s what you had said, but what you meant was that you’ve been looking for danielle the whole time. “she won’t believe it.”

“well,” danielle gives you a cheeky look and giggles. “i managed to charm you in a way that pushed that whole idea aside. that’s not too unbelievable, right?” she winks at you and you feel your heart stop momentarily.

you scoff playfully and snicker, “oh shut up.”

“it’s part of the story! are you saying i have no charm…”

she has too much charm. 

“dani, you’re such a dork.”

“a dork that caught your heart! i think this story is perfect.”

pushing aside the slight ache in your heart and the flush in your cheeks, the two of you formulate a first date story: you took her out bowling, where you lost terribly to her (danielle insisted this detail had to be included), and then you both had dessert together at your place. 

it’s not a terrible story, not at all. even hanni would be impressed, but you’re not going to tell her because she’d tease you both relentlessly, and you’re not sure your heart could handle that.

–

danielle walks you into work holding your hand, your coworker, sarah, watches the whole thing.

a pretty girl (pretty is an understatement in your opinion) smiles at you while walking you in, she’s telling you about the little kids she read to the other day and you can’t help but marvel at the excitement coursing through her.

she drops you off near the register right before the small ‘employees only’ sign, then holds both of your hands and looks at you like you’re a flower that’s just bloomed beautifully.

she pauses, observing you closely, then smiles wider. “okay, i’ll get going sweetheart.” the pet name makes you swallow subtly. “have fun at work!”

she takes her hands away from yours, making your skin feel a little colder. “bye, see you.”

danielle glances at your coworker, who’s looking at her with something mixed with confusion, anger, and a hint of disgust. she then looks back at you – a better sight in her opinion – smiling and waving once more before walking away.

you stay there, frozen for a few seconds, before walking behind the counter and setting your bag down.

as you grab your apron, you catch sarah in your peripheral and turn to greet her. “oh, hey.”

“who was that?” she asks immediately. “what’s up with the ‘sweetheart?’”

you grin as while tightening the lace of your apron, then respond, “my girlfriend.” and it feels wonderful rolling off your tongue.

“what? i thought you didn’t want anything?”

“you still in love with me or something?”

she feels her throat dry as she looks at you pat down your apron. “w-what?” she stutters, shaking her head. “no, why would i be…” her tone isn’t convincing, and neither is she when she adds, “it’s just… what’s with the change of heart?”

“she’s really charming,” the thought of danielle begging you to mention that makes you blush. “i like her a lot.”

sarah fights back a frown, instead, her lips twitch into a forced smile as she walks past you to tend to a customer.

–

danielle picks you up from work just to tighten the knot, and sarah also witnesses all of it.

both you and your coworker get off at closing, and after locking the doors, you run into danielle. 

she’s standing outside in a baby tee and jeans, a cap perched jauntily on her head. the moment she sees you, her face lights up into a pretty smile, and you instinctively return it. she rushes over, wrapping her arms around you in a warm hug. as she pulls back, she scans you with a playful yet affectionate gaze, her eyes lingering on you with a mixture of admiration and curiosity.

“sweetheart! i missed you.”

“i missed you too dani– baby…” you mutter the last part shyly, making danielle giggle. “you came? it’s late.”

“i wanted to pick you up, can your girlfriend not do that?”

it still sends a shiver down your spine – hearing danielle call you that. you rub the back of your neck and look away nervously, then respond, “of course not, i’m just surprised.”

sarah looks at the two of you, scoffing under her breath. danielle hears it, turning to look at her and grin, raising her brows along with it before meeting you again. she places a hand on your shoulder, then mumbles, “well, hanni called us over, i wanted to scoop you.”

“ohhh,” it makes sense now, she wouldn’t willingly pick you up just because of the whole ‘fake dating’ thing, there had to be a motive. “alright. i can drive? if you’d like, you know. you must be tired from work too.”

“aw, you’d do that?”

“i um,” you cough, avoiding her eyes again because she’s making you feel all flustered without doing much. “yeah, it’s nothing… baby…”

she grabs your hand, fingers intertwining before dragging you along to her small suv, then handing you her keys. 

your coworker groans now that you two are further, narrowing her eyes at danielle when she turns back not so subtly to make sure sarah is looking. any normal person would back off, getting the hint that the person they want is unavailable, but sarah sees it as a challenge, somehow.

there’s nothing she can’t achieve when she puts her mind to it, that’s her mindset.

you’re oblivious to how insane she is, too clouded with how touchy and giggly danielle is after the whole interaction when teh two of you get in the car.

–

danielle sits besides you on hanni’s couch, leaning against you a bit. “yeah, she gave me a glare, it was kind of funny.”

“pftt– i guess it’s working then?” hanni asks, walking over to hand you two juice from her fridge. danielle takes it happily and it makes you smile a little. 

“i hope so.” you sip on your peach juice. “but she’s like, clinically insane.”

“is she?” danielle questions, tilting her head as her hand finds its way to your bicep. you blush.

“dude, she was crazy.” hanni rubs her temple. “like, oh my god, she was going insane for a good while because y/n didn’t want her like that. i saw their messages and–”

“okay i’ll tell the story thank you.” you scoff. “she’s really competitive, and i guess new to romance? considering how she reacted i don’t know, she’s very…”

“sensitive?” danielle asks – you shake your head.

“i mean no, but kind of. she would get jealous over me really easily and was kind of codependent, like everything i do affects her or something. i’d just go on my day, but she’d always be so reliant on me and text me so often and i just… it’s so much.”

“ah, i see. how long has it been since you rejected her?”

“a few months. i thought she stopped liking me since it’s been so long, but lately there’s been tension and she’s looking at me how she used to…” hanni listens closely as she watches you rub your forehead, looking a little distraught. “i just, oh my god she has terrible attachment issues it’s concerning. the only thing i could think of was pretending to date someone.”

danielle nods in understanding.

“yeah, one time i went to see y/n at work and she looked so like… hostile. that’s not normal, we’re visibly friends.” hanni adds.

you know the exact afternoon that it happened, what hanni mentioned that is. 

she had pulled up to drop something off, and you teasingly flirted with her, hugging her as thanks. afterward, you rang up one of her orders and played with her fingers, a little habit you had developed to annoy her. despite the evident look of disgust and annoyance on hanni’s face, your coworker—who allegedly liked you a bit too much—looked like hanni had just slapped you in the face or spat at you.

long story short, hanni glanced over to see the coworker glaring at her menacingly. in response, hanni poked at you once more before hurrying out with a latte in her hand, confused and slightly terrified.

“yeah she’s… got a bitch face.”

“it’s not normal to glare at people that simply interact with your coworker…” danielle mumbles. “i’m sorry to hear that.”

you wave your hand, giggling lightly. “it’s nothing, really. i mean, i just don’t want her to be so obsessed and stuck on me, i think us pretending to date should tame the fire.”

pretending. 

the word makes both you and danielle tense up.

–

you clock in again, greeting sarah. 

she smiles brightly at you, waving and you have to make a little gesture to remind her there’s a customer in line. sarah turns away bashfully, then takes the man’s order with a hint of attitude. you’re not very fond of that.

he orders an americano, so you immediately get to work, weighing out grinds of espresso, tamping it down, and pulling two shots. as you do so, sarah pulls up next to you and nudges your shoulder.

“hey,”

“hi.” you respond, not looking up from the cup in your hand. “did you need something?”

“that t-shirt looks good on you, have you been working out?”

you feel uneasy the moment she says it, swallowing a lump in your throat. you pour the two shots over the hot water and force a response, “thanks, and um, no.” before calling out the order.

sarah continues to watch you closely as you throw away the used espresso, then says, “your girlfriend didn’t drop you?”

“she’s working.”

“right. i’d find a way to drop off my girlfriend anytime that i could.”

“good for you?” you look her in the eye again, clenching your jaw. 

“you don’t post her much on your socials either, are you guys really a thing?”

fuck. 

you scoff, “what kind of question is that? of course… i just… don’t post much. we’re still kind of new to this.”

“right, she’s not even your lockscreen.”

“i’m going to grab some beans from the back,” you interrupt, redirecting the conversation away from the topic of your alleged girlfriend. sarah narrows her eyes at you as you turn away from her, stepping away and disappearing towards the storage area.

once you’re alone, you sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose, feeling the weight of the strange interrogation settle on you. there was an unmistakable hostility in sarah’s tone, a sharp edge that cut through the air. hanni’s right, she always is. the mere thought of enduring six more hours with sarah makes you want to crawl into a hole. her jealousy is palpable, and it eats away at you, gnawing at your nerves.

you pull out your phone and quickly dial danielle, pacing back and forth as you wait for her to pick up.

“hello?” she responds less than ten seconds later. “what’s up?”

“she’s catching on, kind of. i think she’s jealous.” 

“sarah?”

“yes.” you groan, then lean your back against the wall. “i can’t work like this.”

“i’ll come over? do you need me to?”

“no, but can we meet after? i think we need to be more public, if that’s okay.”

you hear her confusion through the phone. “what? public?”

“like, soft launch or something. i just need to make it obvious that i’m quote on quote dating someone – you. and we need a lockscreen together.”

a giggle is heard on the other end of the line, “oh wow.” danielle mumbles teasingly, “this is pretty serious.”

“i hope i die.”

“aw, don’t say that babe. just come over to the library after, okay? good luck on your shift! i have to clock in soon too.”

“can we meet at my place?”

“anything is fine, that’s alright.”

“i literally owe you my first born, dani.”

“it’s nothing, this is quite entertaining.” she says, and you smile with the phone at your ear. “call me later, okay? send me updates.” 

“right, yeah.” you almost whisper, “thank you.”

“it’s nothing, sweetheart.” her laugh is infused into the sentence, making your chest burn.

–

“this is so dumb.” 

you are so dumb. this isn’t helping your case.

hanni and minji are fighting back laughter while you try to naturally rest your hand on danielles knuckles. you’re stiff and it looks anything but natural. 

the angle you take the picture at makes it look awkward, and the picture’s quality sucks too. 

“just relax.” danielle says, then holds your hand instead. “here, let me take the picture.”

you’re trying to keep your cool while minji and hanni watch and danielle, the prettiest girl you know, holds your hand and scoots closer to you in order to ‘soft launch’ your fraud of a relationship. her hand is nice in yours, her skin is soft, and she’s so close you can smell the vanilla fragrance she uses. 

danielle snaps a quick picture, then the rest of the bunch – including you – scoot over to look at the picture.

“well would you look at that! it’s perfect.” danielle beams, grinning at her work. “post that one.”

“holy shit.” minji says in awe. “no yeah, you could fool me with that.”

“anyone could fool you, dumbass.” you snicker, looking up at her and smirking.

“i hate you.”

“oh, i guess you don’t want free food from my work…?” 

minji groans, making you laugh. 

danielle’s hand is still in yours, you don’t fully register it until you realize you need both hands to post a picture on your instagram story. she seems a bit disappointed when you let go, though you barely notice – and even if you did, you might just chalk it up to your imagination.

it's fun, no doubt about it. yet, you can’t help but wonder what it would be like to take pictures of you and danielle that aren’t staged or orchestrated. you long for authenticity, capturing moments that are mundane and candid.

the thought lingers in your mind the whole time, even as you pose with your back to the camera, pretending to cook alongside danielle. it's all set up and artificial, every movement planned out, yet danielle starts giggling and leaning into you – a spontaneous gesture not part of your last-minute brainstorming. 

her laughter is genuine, her touch warm, and it makes you wonder if maybe, just maybe, not everything is as fake as it seems.

–

you wake up from your nap and groan as your ringtone renders you awake. blindly, you slap your hand in every direction on the bed until you feel it under your other pillow. someone’s calling you, that’s all you can make out since there’s a red and green circle. 

tiredly, you mumble, “hello?”

“hi! are you busy?” it’s danielle’s voice responding, shaking you awake. 

“oh, um, no.” you say as you sit up slowly, rubbing your eyes and running a hand through your hair. “are you okay? did something happen?”

“i’m fine! i was just wondering if you were free. you sound tired, were you sleeping?”

“i just took a power nap that’s all. what was it that you need?”

“oh, sorry to wake you.”

“it’s fine, seriously.” 

“well,” she starts, “i was just wondering if you wanted to go out together?”

“oh, me?”

you hear her giggle through the phone and smile softly. “i mean, i am calling y/n, aren’t i?”

“yeah, you are.”

“and i’m asking you, my girlfriend, to hangout. it’s like a date!”

“we’re not actually dating danielle, you don’t have to pretend when we’re calling and alone.” you say quietly, pursing your lips.

it’s not that you hate it, danielle being all lovely and playing the role of your girlfriend too well. the thing is, it feels like you’re getting led on, and the way she is just gives you false hope to something real.

danielle feels a little ache in her heart when you respond like that, but she pushes it away for the time being.

“i don’t mind it, it’s fun!” she beams. “anyway, there’s free ice cream downtown for couples, do you want to grab some?”

“is there? yeah, i’m down. do you want to take the metro?” 

“that’s perfect, there’s probably so much traffic.”

“alright, i can scoop you and take us to the station in fifteen minutes, okay?”

“perfect.” she closes the conversation, and the call ends.

you flop down on the bed again, just for a moment. your eyes are fixated on the ceiling above as you breathe in, thinking about everything. 

you and danielle aren’t dating, not for real. it’s just a show, a sham. she simply wants to hang out for free ice cream, nothing more. you know this. you set yourself up for this whole fake dating thing—well, kind of, considering hanni was the culprit behind this whole arrangement.

it’s already been over a month, and danielle doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest, treating the whole thing as no big deal. you must be insane; you can’t keep doing this knowing your feelings are growing and she most definitely doesn’t feel anything real. it’s just to benefit you, and she’s a great friend who’s willing to help you out. yet, each time you pretend, it gets harder to separate your act from reality.

despite the turmoil, you’re up and finding a change of clothes in order to make danielle happy. because even if she’s not your girlfriend, she’s your friend and you love her regardless.

(sometimes the love you have claws you from the inside.)

–

danielle clings to your arm the whole way down to the city. sometimes she clings a little tighter than usual, then goes silent, and it makes you breathe deeply.

it takes a few wrong turns and teasing to get to the icecream place, there’s already a long line with actual couples. you feel out of place in a way; there’s partners holding the other by the waist from behind, setting their heads on top of the others. a few are just holding hands or lingering close and you can just sense all the love and adoration in the air. 

you swallow shallowly, tensing your jaw because danielle is close to you, but not because you two are something more than friends.

“wow, so many lovebirds.” she says in awe, gazing around.

“uh huh.” you feel her hand slide down your forearm, then her fingers intertwine with yours as she looks up at you. “hm?”

“to seal the deal.” she shrugs, smiling. “plus, your hands are big… and warm.”

“you have small hands.”

“perfect fit for yours.” she giggles playfully, making you do the same. “what flavors did you want? it’s two scoops for free.”

“you can pick both, i don’t mind.”

“what? c’mon, you should pick one.”

“no, you wanted ice cream. i’m just here to make you happy.” you admit, tightening your grip on her hand. 

she starts to respond, but stops for a few seconds. you watch her look away bashfully, staring at the ground and grinning to herself. she shakes her head, then says, “you’re so lovely…”

“pfttt, i just want you to be happy, seriously.”

“you know,” she begins, looking at you again. “whoever manages to become your girlfriend would be real lucky.”

“oh.” your lips twitch into less of a smile and you pause for a moment. “maybe.”

“this fake dating thing is making me realize that you’re such girlfriend material.”

a small laugh stifles the tension and awkwardness in you, “thanks? you are too.”

“am i?”

“yeah.” you stare into her eyes, shes everything you could wish for in a person. “very.”

before danielle can respond, the line moves, and it’s time for the two of you to decide on two flavors. it takes a while to do so, with you declining the offer to chime in and pick a flavor you want, danielle was the one to invite you out anyway. but she looks at you with puppy eyes, pouts, then puts a hand on the side of your bicep and it makes you cave in.

the final choices are salted caramel and coffee.

danielle holds the cup in one hand, drags you away from the area littered with lovey dovey couples – some being too lovey, considering they can’t seem to get away from each other – and leads you blindly towards a small alley in a neighborhood until a bench comes into view. she pulls you towards it eagerly, making you laugh until you’re both sitting next to each other.

you frown a little as you look at the ice cream in the cup. “some of it is melted.”

“not all of it!” danielle beams, then scroops a spoonful of the coffee side – the flavor you ended up choosing. “you have the first taste.” she says, bringing it closer to your mouth.

“wait, you should have it.”

“too late,” she starts to move it in a circular motion, saying, “ahhh~” as she does so.

you scoff, then lean forward and all of it is in your mouth in one bite. danielle watches your eyes light up.

“it’s good.” you mutter, then grab the other spoon to scoop the other flavor. you mirror what danielle did before, making her laugh just as much. “open wiiiiide~”

“ahhh~”

you snicker before moving the spoon into her mouth, she closes it and smiles immediately, melting in place despite the ice cream being pretty cold. 

the street lights make her look precious, highlighting the satisfaction on her face because of some simple ice cream she’d gotten for free. you want to see her this happy everyday and as much as you can. 

a small hint of ice cream is on the corner of her lips, it urges you to bring your hand over and wipe it off with your thumb. danielle stops savoring the dessert, instead, focusing on you. 

“sorry, there was… yeah.”

“mhm.” danielle says, staring at your lips. “it’s really good.”

“i can tell.” you turn away, feeling flustered when she looks at you like that. “let me try your flavor.”

the two of you continue to eat ice cream together, subconsciously scooting closer and closer as you share it. danielle’s head ends up on your shoulder when the cup is empty in your hand, silent in her place.

you don’t budge, mainly because she seems comfortable and you don’t mind ruining your posture a bit if it’s for her. she sighs contentedly, moving her hand over to hold yours in the midst of the moment, slotting together effortlessly. she doesn’t say anything, but you feel her lean into you a little more.

“you okay?”

“just happy.”

“ah,” you rub your thumb against her skin. “that’s good.”

“being with you makes me really happy.”

“being with you makes me happier.” you say softly, staring at your hands aligned seamlessly. “do you want to stay here for a bit longer?”

“please.”

“it’s getting late.”

“i know, just a bit longer.” danielle says.

just a bit longer. if only the whole arrangement could last forever, if only you two could be this close and warm for lightyears.

minutes pass, and neither of you move, lost in the comforting silence. the only shift comes when you turn your head to press a gentle kiss into her hair. danielle feels perfectly in place, her heart fluttering at the tender gesture. a soft smile spreads across her face, a silent acknowledgment of the moment's sweetness.

–

the night prior had to be a dream, it was too perfect. it was the realest you’ve felt with danielle, the closest to something romantic. it was even enough to consider that she felt the same, and you’d love to revel in that possibility, but you have to restock the beans and cups quickly before tending to the drinks.

there’s only thirty more minutes until your shift ends, it feels like eternity.

sarah catches you smiling to yourself throughout the shift, biting the inside of her lip. she’s filled with all too much: anger, jealously, dissapointment, and really just everything that makes her uneasy. 

she still can’t believe it, you had gone on a whole tangent telling her you couldn’t be in a relationship and now you’re being a complete loser in front of her. she hates it, she wants it to be her that makes you smile randomly throughout the day.

what pisses her off more, and truly makes her lose all hope, is when you go from looking tired and drained to bubbly and smiley as soon as a familiar figure starts walking toward the counter. 

she watches you check the time on the register, your smile widening because you can clock out and be with danielle, who’s waiting just across the counter. the change in your demeanor is undeniable, and it stings sarah to see the joy that danielle effortlessly brings out in you.

you walk over to danielle, reaching for her hand. “hey.”

“hi.” the way danielle says it makes your chest warm and sarah nearly gags in return.

what makes sarah's shoulders sink, her heart drop, and her frown deepen is when danielle suddenly kisses your cheek. 

the shock is evident on your face as you stand frozen, your hand instinctively moving to hover over the spot where danielle's lips had just been. the tenderness of the moment is overwhelming, and sarah can't help but feel a profound sense of loss. the realization that your heart belongs entirely to danielle crushes any lingering hopes she had, leaving her to face the painful truth.

“w-what was that for?” you look over and make eye contact with sarah, who’s grimacing. “there’s um, you know… bystanders.”

“i missed you, so much. i couldn’t stop thinking about you.” danielle says simply, not bothering that sarah is the only one who’s witnessing this, and from a few feet away too. “do you want to get dinner?”

“it’s three in the afternoon silly.”

“well, anything is fine. we should study before we eat! i heard the module mr. lee assigned us was really helpful for…” 

the rest of what danielle says doesn’t register in your coworker’s mind. she studies you closely, her frown deepening with each passing second. it’s painfully clear to her now—you’re genuinely in love with danielle, and there's nothing she can do to change that. the way you look at danielle, like a child seeing a rainbow for the first time, leaves no room for doubt. 

it dawns on her that giving up is the only option, and she feels a pang of resignation settling in her chest.

–

nearly three months have passed and both of you have still been ‘pretending.’

neither of you acknowledge that it’s fake, not during the weekly dates, study sessions, and late night walks or movie nights that end up in the two of you falling asleep together. danielle doesn’t think twice when kissing your cheek here and there, even your knuckles when she thinks you’re asleep. 

you figure that maybe it’s okay to kiss her cheek too sometimes because she’s her lips turn each time. and when you pick her up for weekly dates, she happily jumps into the passengers seat of your car as if it weren’t just a mutual agreement. sarah has already given up, considering she seems defeated, and you wonder if you should too. 

you can’t tell if it’s just how danielle is, which eats you inside. everything feels all too real, and your feelings only grow more unbearable.

–

you shouldn’t have let jimin drag you out to minjeong’s party. she’s already left the moment you stepped into the house, she’s probably gotten a hold of a drink already.

jimin had noticed how deeply stressed you've been lately. your responses were slower, your shoulders seemed permanently slumped, and the stress was practically etched into your face. being one of your closest friends, jimin decided that it was time for a change. she was determined to get you out and help you relax, knowing how crucial it was for your well-being (and social life, to be completely real).

walking around, you scan the crowd for a familiar face. unfortunately, the only people you recognize are sunghoon and jake, who have a history of hitting on you despite your clear disinterest. they still haven't grasped that you're a lesbian. you quickly decide to steer clear of them.

the only reason you’re here is because you’ve been throwing yourself into your studies, staying late at the gym, and doing too much to avoid danielle – or even the thought of her.

(which is unfortunately impossible since every little thing reminds you of her.

the flowers on the counter at your work remind you of her smile, the couch in your apartment is where you two have spent hours together, and really, you’re hopeless.)

you find jimin outside on the porch with her other friends that you’ve only talked to once or twice. they’re all talking about something, clearly tipsy, and you’re walking over to linger near your friend.

“y/n! oh my gosh girl, where have you been? come here, have a drink!” jimin grabs your arm, pulling you in and hugging you like she hasn’t seen you in forever. “here, take a shot.”

she hands you a shot of what you assume is some cheap vodka, you didn’t even have time to pregame for this. you’re not against drinking, not at all, if anything you’re all for it. there’s videos of you in groupchats shotgunning beer and finishing with barely any reaction – but tonight, you don’t know if you’re in the mood for it.

one won’t hurt, maybe it’ll erase danielle from your mind for a moment.

“fine.” you grab the small glass, then bring it to your lips and cock your head back, eyes pinching for a brief moment as you swallow. “shit,” you mumble, “give me another.”

you don’t know what has taken over, because you’re downing two more without hesitation. jimin laughs and smiles proudly at you.

for a brief moment, everything feels fine. the music blasting from inside the house, a mix of charli xcx and the chatter of your friends mocking one of your professors and jake, makes you laugh out loud. amidst the chaos, you find a beer in your hand, and somehow, you manage to tolerate the taste. wonyoung appears too, and hands you another after you quickly finish the first. you accept it, even though you're already starting to feel a bit fuzzy.

jimin looks at minjeong with a sparkle in her eyes, and you subtly push her a little closer until their shoulders touch. they exchange smiles, and you watch, feeling proud of your matchmaking. 

your heart sinks as it suddenly reminds you all too much of danielle. the fondness and spark between jimin and minjeong make you frown, your grip on the beer tightening as the bittersweet memories flood back.

“fuck,” you practically whisper. “i need to, i’m going to get more um, drinks.” 

“hm? okay.” jimin says quickly, then turns back to the girl she’s linking arms with.

your head pounds, so you gulp down the can of beer in your hand, then crumple it and toss it toward a trash bin in your line of sight. 

as you make your way to the kitchen, you spot a bottle of vodka and pour yourself a shot into a plastic cup you found. the liquid burns your throat, intensifying the ache in your head. despite this, you pour another shot, perhaps a bit too generously, hoping to numb the growing pain and the emotions clawing at your heart.

the room feels like it’s spinning, you’re walking down some hall and blinking and blinking until you reach a bathroom. thankfully, no one is making out in it, but you check the shower for safety measures. 

you’re finally alone, groaning as you fall against the wall of the bathroom and slide down until you’re sitting on the bathroom floor.

clumsily, you grab your phone from your back pocket. the screen lights up to a picture of you and danielle, cheeks squished together and smiling. 

you stare at it for too long, your breath hitching and your vision blurring as the ache in your head intensifies. the happy memory contrasts sharply with the heaviness you feel now, making it all the more difficult to look away. she just looks so cute in it.

you tap your screen again, and another picture of her appears. it’s a picture of her asleep in the passengers seat, head tilted uncomfortably and lips parted slightly. you had set up your lock screen to cycle through images of danielle, initially to fool sarah, but also because seeing danielle’s face as soon as you pick up your phone makes you feel at ease. each photo captures her different expressions—laughing, pouting, lost in thought—and they all make you grin. 

the happiness you feel is bittersweet, knowing it’s all part of an arrangement that feels increasingly real to you.

your vision is a little unclear, but somehow it sharpens just so you can see her perfectly.

“fuck,” you gasp out, unlocking your phone and trying to navigate to your recent calls. you had called hanni earlier and she had just been lounging at her place. you figure that she’d be able to take you away from here.

you squint, pressing on the contact that has a and n, assuming it’s hanni, then wait as the phone rings.

“hello?”

“hanni, i’m… can you pick me up?”

“y/n?” her voice is muffled when it reaches your ears, “are you okay? what happened, where are you?”

“jimin… dragged me out. i drank… soooo much.”

“y/n, oh my gosh.”

“hanni, stay on the line, please.”

“i’m not–” the voice cuts off, you drop your phone on the carpet. “hello?”

“you have my location… right.” you slur, head leaning against the wall even more. “hanni i can’t do it anymore.”

“y/n, i’m on my way. are you alright?”

“hanni, i can’t.” you groan, staring up into space. “i don’t want to fake date danielle anymore. it feels too real, i hate it.”

silence follows before you hear the voice on the other end of the phone.

“you can’t? why, why didn’t you tell her?”

“she seems happy, and… we just, don’t acknowledge that it’s not real.”

“y/n…” 

danielle sits in her car, heart sinking. 

you dialed her on accident, and it doesn't seem like you know it’s her. 

“please come. please.”

danielle gulps, feeling tears forming in her eyes. 

–

danielle scavenges through the house your location on her phone has brought you to, looking around for you helplessly. 

she makes her way to the porch and spots jimin, who’s hands are on minjeongs neck as she holds her in place. danielle walks over, not wanting to disturb the intimacy, but you’re her biggest priority, so she’s willing to do so.

“jimin,”

she turns around, looking at danielle confusingly. “oh, when did you get here?”

“where’s y/n?”

“hmmm… she went to get drinks a while ago, she hasn’t come back yet. try the kitchen?”

“okay, thank you.” danielle says hurriedly, then rushes back inside.

she checks the kitchen, only to see jake and sunghoon with beers in their hands as they cackle loudly. you’re nowhere in sight, making her bite her lip in frustration.

danielle goes through every room on the first floor until she reaches a bathroom. she pushes the door open, and it suddenly stops, hitting someone. a groan escapes from behind the door.

"i'm so sorry!" danielle rushes out, peeking around the door to see who she’s just collided with. "y/n?" she gasps, eyes widening in recognition and concern.

you’re sitting against the wall, hair tousled and cheeks red. there’s a white tank top hugging you, the thin straps of it loose against your skin from your posture. 

“hanni?” you look up, squinting. “i wanna go home.” 

you see the figure move closer to you and close the door, then she squats down and you realize it’s not hanni. danielle comes into view, her eyebrows creased with concern. your cheeks flush even harder, and your lips part.

she puts a hand on your forehead, then cups her cheeks with both. “are you okay?”

“you’re not… hanni.”

danielle’s shoulders fall down a bit. “hanni um,” danielle hates lying, but she’s doing it now to save you from spiraling. “she sent me over.”

“oh.” the response from you cracks her heart slightly. “okay.”

"let's go," she says firmly, helping you up. despite being taller and more muscular than her, you lean on her for support. danielle manages to steady you with surprising ease, guiding you out of the bathroom and through the house, her grip strong and unwavering.

–

you collapse onto danielle’s couch and groan, your body is limp against the cushions.

a few moments later, she comes back with a cup of water, placing it on the coffee table before she sits you up. she tilts your chin up and you look at her with wonder as she grabs the cup and holds it to your lips, “drink.”

“mhm.” you mumble, sipping slowly and swallowing. 

your vision clears slightly, though it might just be danielle who’s grounding you. her concerned eyes meet yours, and while guilt tugs at you, you're also captivated by her beauty in this moment. you're drunk and out of your mind, thoughts muddled and unfocused.

“pretty.” you sigh dreamily. 

“y/n,” her voice is laced with uneasiness. “drink more water.”

“okay.”

“and stay the night, okay? you um, left…” she swallows hard, fighting back a frown. “you left your clothes here, i’ll go grab them.”

“can you stay with me though? will you? i really… just… i want you here.” 

danielle bites the inside of her lip, her eyes wide with confusion. just moments ago, you had admitted that you wanted to stop the whole ‘relationship’—that it had become too intense, too overwhelming. and now, you’re asking her to stay? her mind spins with the jarring shift in emotions.

you lean in, clinging onto her. danielle feels the warmth of your breath and the softness of your nose brushing against her neck. the touch sends a shiver through her, and she swallows hard, struggling to steady her breathing. as you pull back, your faces are mere inches apart. you lock eyes with her, your gaze heavy with so much. 

there’s a lump in her throat. “okay.”

–

danielle wakes up with you on top of her and your head in the crook of her neck. she hears you breathing softly and subconsciously, her hand slides into your hair.

why are you so confusing? danielle wonders, twirling your hair with her pointer finger. is this what you really want?

you’re incredibly considerate, a trait that’s always shone brightly. the way you go out of your way for her—planning dates, cherishing every moment together, simply because it makes her happy—fills her with a bittersweet feeling. she adores these shared moments, savoring the illusion of authenticity. but now that it’s clear that all of it strains you, it weighs heavily on her heart.

you stir awake, your breath warm and rhythmic against danielle's skin. as you hum softly, her cheeks flush a delicate pink. she feels the gentle pressure of your arms tightening around her, pulling her closer. you shift, nestling deeper into her, finding a more comfortable position. each movement sends a shiver through danielle, leaving her heart fluttering like crazy at eight in the morning.

she doesn’t know what to do.

–

danielle doesn’t ask you out or come over the whole week, excusing herself by saying she’s busy or caught up with things. of course, you don’t comment on it – she’s not really your girlfriend, you shouldn’t expect her time and affection. 

but then another week passes by and you don’t get any texts back, sometimes she even leaves you on delivered for hours. that’s not like her at all. 

you catch her in class and she’s still the same danielle you know – bubbly, pretty, and sweet – but that’s really the only time you see her these days. 

it’s confusing, all too confusing, so you barge into hanni’s apartment on a thursday evening because she’s the only one you can rant to about this.

“you didn’t even text me–”

“oh my god i think danielle fucking hates me.”

hanni lets you storm in, walking towards her room and flop onto her own bed. you look devasted, especially when you rub your face in your hands and groan loudly.

“okay, first of all: why the hell would she? second of all: yeah, why… why would she…?”

“she’s been avoiding me and i have no fucking clue why.”

“dude what.” 

you recount the entire story to hanni, animatedly illustrating every detail with exaggerated hand gestures. “so, jimin practically dragged me out to unwind, and i ended up drunk out of my mind!” you say. your hands wave dramatically, punctuating the story as you describe stumbling around, the room spinning, and how the whole ordeal felt like a whirlwind. 

hanni watches, her amusement growing as you explain the night’s events. “jesus.”

“yeah, and then danielle came and picked me up.”

“she did?”

“yeah… you called her over… didn’t you?”

“dude, what are you talking about.”

you pause, looking at her with confusion evident all over your face. then grab your phone, heart feeling strained when you see danielle posing with a stuffed animal that one time – out of many –  you two went to the mall together. you click on the phone app, looking at your recent calls and scrolling down to roughly two weeks ago.

you see hanni’s contact name, and then danielles after.

“hanni, did i… did i call you that night? two weeks ago, the friday night i went out.”

“dude you only called me that morning or something, you left something here.”

“oh my fucking god.” you gasp, putting a hand over your mouth. “oh my god.”

“y/n what.”

“i drunk dialed dani and i thought it was you. she told me you sent her to grab me…”

“what did you say to her?” hanni asks, looking at you with slight worry.

you groan, rubbing your face again. “i… i said i didn’t want to fake date her anymore.”

“oh, well that’s not too bad.”

“no, i remember it somehow. i said i hated it.”

your best friend looks at you, confused again. “you do?”

“yeah, but like, no?” you groan once more and fall onto the bed again. “hanni, i’ve… i’ve liked danielle since first semester.”

“oh.”

“yeah, oh.”

“you’ve been fake dating and simultaneously in love with her?”

you sigh. “yes.”

“holy shit.”

“yeah. i think she took it the wrong way, maybe she thinks i hate her?”

“you need to talk to her.”

“she doesn’t want to see me.”

“no, she’s so fond of you. i honestly think she likes you back.”

“okay it’s not the time for that–”

“shut the hell up bro.” hanni pinches your cheek and you slap her hand away. she begins again, “dude, she rambles about you and shit. there were times i actually thought you guys were really dating.”

“i wish.”

“then make it come true!” hanni groans. she pulls you up, then puts both hands on your shoulder. “you need to go talk to her, stop being a pussy.” 

“it’s not that–” 

your phone vibrates in your hand, snapping you out of your animated retelling. instinctively, you glance down and see a notification from danielle. hanni notices the shift in your expression, quirking an eyebrow as you stare at the screen, looking visibly distressed. she leans closer, peeking at the notification.

as your face unlocks the phone, the text is revealed: "can you come over? we should talk." your mouth drops open slightly in shock, and hanni mirrors your expression. the room suddenly feels heavy.

“dude.” hanni points at the screen – the obvious. “she–”

“fuck me.” you mutter, “fuck me.”

“dumbass,” hanni says, pushing you off her bed. you curse and look at her with “what the fuck?” written all over your face. hanni stands up and continues to push you out her room, saying, “go see your ‘girlfriend,’ even if it’s not real you better go talk to mo dani.”

you sigh, pushing her off you and grabbing your things before you walk towards hanni’s apartment door. you stare at the handle, then the text, and linger for a moment. hanni puts a hand on your shoulder and you look at her.

“i’m fucking terrified.”

“well you’ll feel even worse if you don’t go, so go.” hanni urges, opening the door and nudging you out.

–

the air is cold, it’s really just cold outside and it makes you shiver more than you already are just from the thought of the interaction.

you’re outside danielle’s work, sitting on the steps because you can’t bring yourself to go in and approach her directly. maybe it makes you a coward, but you’ve always been nervous about seeing her willingly and making the first move. the minutes stretch on, each one making you more anxious, but you can't help it. the thought of facing her, of initiating that crucial conversation, ties your stomach in knots. she called you out here anyway.

wind hits your cheeks and you bite your lip, walking around in your place in an attempt to warm up. then, you catch someone in the corner of your eye, so you turn around and meet danielle.

a loose sweater drapes over her frame, and wide-fit linen pants hide the shape of her legs. the wind tousles her hair just as it does yours, but she looks effortlessly angelic, stopping your heart for a moment. her hair, caught in the breeze, frames her face in a way that makes her seem almost ethereal, temporarily making you forget your worries.

then she’s walking toward you, and you remember why you’re here.

you swallow hard, body tensing. 

“thank’s for coming, i’m sorry i haven’t been.. um, able to spend time with you.” she looks nervous, her eyes avoiding yours and hands fiddling with each other. she stares at your necklace instead as she continues, “i’ve just… i wanted to talk to you about what we have.”

“right, i wanted to talk to you about it too.”

“oh,” danielle says quietly. “i’m sorry, i didn’t want to be a burden. you called me instead of hanni the night you got drunk and i know how you feel about fake dating. i’m sorry that you had to do it with me and it caused you so much stress i just–”

your heart aches as you listen to her ramble, guilt evident in her voice for something that’s not her fault. you can't bear to hear her blame herself. your brows furrow with pity as you gently cut her off, “danielle, no, let me–”

“stop, i want to make myself clear. i want to explain a lot of things to you, you’re so lovely and sweet and you don’t deserve to be so stressed. it’s just, okay, wait.”

she pauses, breathing in, and looking at you with tears lining her eyes. your breath shakes looking at her like that, you can’t breathe or speak in the moment.

danielle purses her lips before continuing, “okay, when hanni first said you wanted to date me, i got so excited because well, i always thought you were cute.” she turns her head to the side and bites her lip before looking back at you. “and then you said it wasn’t an actual date, you wanted it to be fake. i don’t know i just, i felt really sad when it happened but at the same time the thought of fake dating you didn’t seem too bad because i’m selfish and i mean, i liked you a little and i thought i could just fake it and revel in the artificial aspect until i got over it but i ended up falling for you so much and i’m sorry. i don’t want you to think im anything like sarah–”

“danielle, stop.”

“no, y/n i just want to explain myself–”

“danielle, shut up, oh my god.” you gasp, looking at her in disbelief. “you, are you fucking with me?”

she looks at you, still feeling guilty. when she blinks, two tears fall down her cheeks and she inhales sharply as she conceals a sob. she turns away, then murmurs, “no, i’m so sorry.”

“n-no, no. dani, danielle.” you almost breathe it out, then bring both hands to hold her face. your hands cup her cheeks making her face you. “please stop crying, i’m sorry, baby, i’m sorry.”

“b-baby?” she says, confusion taking over her features. you had gotten so used to calling her endearing pet names that it slipped out so suddenly in the heat of the moment.

the lights outside shine just enough for you to see her clearly. her eyes are watery, tears staining her cheeks, and you use your thumb to gently wipe them away. her nose is a little pink, and so are her cheeks. of course, she’s a pretty crier too, but you look at her with guilt, shaking your head as you continue to stroke her cheeks with your thumb. the sight of her like this breaks your heart even more.

“i only said i hated it because it was all too real, but not in a bad way. not at all.” 

“really?” she says between sniffles. “w-what do you mean?”

“i’m saying that,” you use your thumb to rub a tear threatening to fall from the corner of her eye. “i hated it because i couldn’t take the fact that it wasn’t real. i wanted it to be real. danielle, i’ve wanted to be yours since you first gave me the notes from the first lecture we had together.”

“what?”

“danielle,” you almost whisper, then kiss her forehead. “i like you so much. i don’t hate you, or this – i hate that it’s not real.”

her mouth opens in shock as she looks at you, sniffling. you anxiously wait for a response, hoping she'll say something, but she doesn’t. instead, she hugs you, wrapping her arms around you tightly. you return the embrace, holding her just as tight. the world around you fades away, leaving only the two of you in the nerveracking moment.

“i like you too – a lot. i was so scared when you said you hated it, i thought i was making you uncomfortable and gosh i just felt so bad and–”

you rub her back with your hand and cut her off, “i was anything but uncomfortable, i felt like i was living in a fantasy.”

“thank god.” danielle sighs in relief. 

you pull away, looking at her again and wiping remnants of tears with your thumb again. “i’m sorry for making you cry.”

if you could go back and punch yourself for being stupid — you’d do it in a heartbeat. a dumb slip up and miscommunication from your lips is the reason danielle’s nose is still tinted pink from crying, you feel guilty as ever.

in your hands, it feels like you hold the world. she shakes her head in your hold, then smiles from relief.

“it’s okay.”

“are you busy after this?”

danielle giggles, shaking her head again. “if you’re asking me out on a date – a real one – then absolutely not.”

“dinner? it’s on me for being stupid that night, and this whole time.”

“perfect.”

you smile sweetly at her, your gaze lingering on her lips. before you know it, you lean in and boldly peck her right then and there. she gasps when you pull away, looking at you with widened eyes as you back off. but then, she reels you in again, leaning closer and kissing you once more. the kiss is soft and warm, filled with all the unspoken words and emotions that have built up between you. you feel her smile against your lips, and everything else fades away.

when you part again, you look at her fondly and ask, “wait, this is real, right? like, we’re…”

danielle laughs, hastily pecking you once more and lingering close.

“i don’t think it’s the alcohol that made you so dense and stupid.”

[basket-of-epiphanies]

i know that people have already discussed this at length but i'm watching the patreon behind the scenes character discussion for frost and listening to derek talk about the psionic order and "mind over matter" and all that and then comparing that to frost throwing his pack in ep 46 has me feeling like the exploding galaxy brain meme. like. he has this canonically 110 pound bag or whatever and yeah that's kind of a meme bc he just picks shit up and Never uses it but that's also So interesting in the context of how he was raised to Not value physical items and give no credence to "things" but rather to ideas, thoughts, mentalities. Frost was taught to hold this value his entire life yet carries a 110 pound bag around with him everywhere. And in that same vein, the order taught him that physical relationships are also supposed to be unimportant, and having people tie him down will only block him from reaching his true potential. yet he's traveled for years with these three friends and when he's "replaced" by someone else for just a few hours on guys' night he feels sensitive and self conscious. and in the carnival horror ride we see that his worst fear is being alone. Everything about his life contradicts everything he was taught he’s supposed to hold dear, (and side note, i think one of the most interesting parts about this video is the discussion of whether or not frost is Aware of what he's doing, Aware that he's directly going against the pillars of his order, but that's a discussion for another time). And all of this culminates in episode 46, when frost stands alone, all of his friends dead or dying around him, and his throws his pack. on some level i already understood what this meant for him, the getting rid of everything he was saving because it doesn't matter anymore, but after approaching it more from the side of these tenants of his faith, it's like. holy shit. he just lost all his friends, these physical attachments that "tie him down," and now he's willingly giving up all his physical belongings as well, and this is it, this is the moment he reaches that pure mind over matter because he doesn't have anything anymore. there is nothing tying him down. this should be nirvana. but instead, it's the worst moment of his fucking life. everything that was supposed to bring him paradise and freedom and immortality and whatnot has only brought him unimaginable pain and grief.

[mmirx]

AFTERTHOUGHT ⋆⑅˚₊

Who were you if not unremarkable? You had finally come into terms that you are someone who was meant to stay in everyone’s shadow, but not until you met Caleb, or so you thought.

cw/tags: university au, non-mc reader, frat guy caleb (but not really important), angst, jealousy, self-loathing (please just lmk if i missed more cw, i just cant identify more as of now)

note: this will have several parts but im not sure how many lololol i hope you guys will like this! this is going to be based on my experience with a guy i recently met. also, i didnt add any visuals as i was too lazy to find one so sorryyy

word count: 824

“Here's one,” the guy who had been occupying your bed for hours suddenly blurted out, “it's a fifteen minute walk away from the university.”

He showed you a listing of the apartment he found. It has a bed that's probably smaller than what you wanted, and it looks like it has witnessed history more than you ever had. It's nowhere near a liveable state.

“Caleb," you sighed as you tried to  find your way into his eyes, “you serious?"

You shouldn't have asked—he looked dedicated, but come on, you were broke but you deserved to live in a somehow decent apartment. Saving a few bucks in rent but having to pay more for medical bills isn't something you'd want to do.

His smile immediately turned into an awkward one, almost a comical one. You would have probably laughed if you weren't currently swamped with deadlines and on the edge of being kicked out by your landlord. It was nice of him to help you find a new apartment, really, but at the same time you’d wish that he'd be more careful on what to recommend. He had found out a week ago that you haven't paid your rent since you ‘accidentally’ created a feud with your landlord and enthusiastically offered to help.

“I told you, you can crash on my place for a while," he tried to say as he munched on the chips that you gave him—it was the least you could offer. You had declined him a few days ago when he offered you to stay in his fully furnished apartment, and of course, you badly wanted to but you needed to save your dignity. 

In all honesty, you didn't want him to find out—you wanted to keep this from everyone as you were trying to avoid their pity. Pride is a funny thing because one could be in the deepest pit of hell and lose everything but your pride will hold on as if it has embedded itself onto you. Even MC, his and your best friend, didn't know about this because you had begged him to not tell her.

“Speaking of MC, is she doing an interview for the student paper, again?" you asked, not looking away from your laptop filled with whatnots of old and greedy colonizers from the past. Made you wonder why you chose history as your major.

“MC? Yes, you know she could be quite a celebrity," he responded enthusiastically as if he'd been waiting for someone to bring her up. “Last time we went to a cafe, she literally had to greet almost everyone we saw.”

You raised your eyebrow to show that you were intrigued as to why. It's always like this, you ask one question about her childhood friend and he'd talk more than what you wanted. You sounded bitter, but who could blame you?

Every time someone mentioned you, you were referred to as their ‘third-wheel’ which you find quite insulting. Sure, you're not the type to steal the spotlight, but you were your own person—you had your ups, too, or at least you thought. Unfortunately, you're surrounded by the exceptionals and compared to them, you're plain as a tofu.

It wasn't like you wanted to be popular too but someone appreciating you without bringing them up would be nice. For God's sake, you literally presented in an international paper conference—that’s something! Though, only two people congratulated you because the same day you received the news, MC’s latest film was released. The film was nice, produced by film majors who were known by the whole student body because of their quality production, however, you wished your win was celebrated too—

Caleb’s phone rang. You knew that ringtone—it’s customized solely for his ‘pipsqueak’. You signed him to take it outside since you were busy finishing a presentation for one of your courses. 

Your eyes landed on his laptop; he left it opened, so you could help to take a look. Oh, and you wish, you hadn't. His desktop wallpaper is a picture from his childhood and MC’s.

Self-loathing isn't something that one should make a hobby of theirs, but you can't help it. You hated how you unconsciously felt small compared to MC. What's wrong with you? 

She had always been nice and kind, for Christ’s sake, she nursed you every time you were sick. But it dawned you, why can't he see you the way he sees her?

Maybe, you should stop fooling around and move on, but do you have the strength? You pondered within yourself and you almost missed the fact that Caleb has come back from his phone call.

“I'll be going. MC needed help for dinner." 

“Oh, right," you tried to sound as neutral as you could. Dinner? That's what he's leaving you for? But who are you to demand, you're literally a charity case in this scenario.

“Say hi for me to her. Thanks for today, Caleb.”

PART 2

[rashoumon-homo]

BSD Men - Would they be good at giving head?

BSD x Gender Neutral Reader, NSFW

Includes: Dazai, Kunikida, Ranpo, Chuuya, Sigma, Nikolai, Atsushi, Fyodor, and Akutagawa

Author’s Note: Just a quick lil headcanons post to fill the void of content while I work on Bottom Dazai Week! A little low-effort compared to what I usually post, hope that’s alright :)

NSFW CONTENT AHEAD - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

(Ranked roughly from best to worst)

Dazai

Holy FUCK bro, YES.

He’s good at it and he knows it

He moans into it like he’s the one getting off

He’ll have you coming on his tongue in less than 2 minutes

And he swallows too- gladly! He insists you taste amazing

Knows his anatomy too - all the spots to lick and suck to get your toes curling

Kunikida

Way more skilled than expected

This man literally sat down and studied before even his first attempt

Knows your anatomy better than a doctor atp

You had to remind him to relax at first because even though he was doing everything right, he was as mechanical as a robot

As he got more comfortable with it, you both had more fun

Prefers other types of sex but will gladly give you head if you ask

Ranpo

Absolutely - if he feels like it

You know how he is, picky with taste and texture of things he puts in his mouth and whatnot

But if he’s into it, he’s hella skilled

Definitely won’t swallow, but he’ll give you head for longggg periods of time, making you cum over and over

He’s just having fun with the tactile experience and with seeing you come undone under his touch. Boosts his ego a little lol

Chuuya

Oh yeah for sure

He gives head to tease though, not to get you to finish

Always looking up at you from under his lashes because he knows it gets you flustered

For some reason gives better head when he’s drunk

But he usually stops before you can cum because for him, oral is ideally just foreplay

Points docked for that :(

Sigma

Yes and no

He’s more inexperienced, so the first few times are a little clumsy

But he’s determined to learn how to please you

With practice and guidance from you, he’ll come to be really good at it! You just have to get through the awkward phase first

Nikolai

Duh

Y’all already know he’s a freak

He’s got plenty of skill and enthusiasm but he gets bored quickly

If it’s taking too long to get you to cum, he will flat out give up

He’s always coming up with new ways to do it as well (don’t ask what that means) so hopefully you’re willing to put up with his weird-ass, occasionally morally concerning ideas

Atsushi

Not perfect initially but eager to learn

Inexperienced and over enthusiastic (too much teeth 😬)

Wants so badly to please you

Probably needs some guidance at first

Fyodor

Good luck convincing him…

He sees giving head as a sign of submission so he’ll likely flat out refuse for a very very long time

If you can sway him, he’s about average in skill

Not much experience, since he hates doing it, but he picks up the skill quickly

Surprisingly gentle and cautious with his mouth (whether for your sake or his is unclear)

Do not cum in his mouth. He will pointedly spit it out because he’s grossed out and will likely sulk about it after

Akutagawa

This guy does not enjoy giving head and it shows

He’ll do it on rare occasions but his discomfort is palpable and kind of makes it not fun

If you finish in his mouth, he’s spitting that shit out. No offense to you personally, he just finds the idea of swallowing gross in general

Stick to other types of sex I beg of you

Tag List: @suru1990 @little-miss-chaoss

If you want to join the tag list, fill out this form!

Back to Masterlist

[justsomerandomfanfic]

A Question Of Courtship - Kili Durin X Female (Human) Reader

Title: A Question Of Courtship

Kili Durin X Female (Human) Reader

Additional Characters: Bilbo, Lobelia (Mentioned), Gandalf (Mentioned), Thorin, Dwalin (Mentioned), Balin (Mentioned), Fili, and the rest of the Company (Mentioned)

Requested By: @kpopgirlbtssvt

WC: 3,695

Warnings: Mentions of adoption, Reader is adopted by Bilbo, very brief and slight prejudice, brief mentions of injuries and wounds, italics, nightmares, confession, teasing, banter, counting, Ones, mini angst, and fluff

Twenty-two years ago, on a beautiful sunny morning, Bilbo Baggins of the Shire, had found you on his doorstep. That morning was like any other morning for the Hobbit. He would wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, and then smoke his pipe out in his little garden as the sun rose before readying second breakfast.

But, on one fateful day, Bilbo had finished his breakfast - a smile on his face and his stomach full - as he made his way to the round front door. Upon opening the door, his pleasant grin faded into one of confusion. Right on his little bench, where he always sat at the beginning of the day to watch the sunrise, now held a basket.

A gift perhaps?

Walking over, he stashed his pipe back within his cotton vest, staring down at the brown woven basket, a light blue blanket covering the top; hiding what was underneath. Bilbo was a bit apprehensive, not fully knowing what was inside the basket, but with the thought that it was perhaps food or any baked goods, he reached over to take the blanket off the top.

Instead of any food, he found you. A wee little baby, wrapped in a second blanket - a small seemingly-homemade quilt. You were sleeping, peacefully, and only after tearing his bewildered gaze from you, did he see the note on the top of your quilt. Taking the note, he opened it, and read it;

'Please, whoever reads this, take care of my baby.'

That was it. And as Bilbo looked up from the short letter, he wondered what he was going to do with you. There wasn't even a name of your mother, nor one for you... Bilbo wasn't prepared to take care of a child - a baby - something that needed a lot of attention, food, and love. He was not ready to take care of a child. His mind quickly filled with late nights and ear-piercing crying... His beloved routine would be in shambles. But, when your eyes opened, peering up at him, a little smile appeared on your face... All the thoughts of finding someone more fit to raise you left his mind completely. 

Before Bilbo knew it, he decided to name you 'Y/N.' He was now a father.

A father to a Human. 

Bilbo found out that you were a Human when you grew and surpassed him in height. This was difficult, yes, his home was small, compared to you, but thankfully the ceilings were high enough that if you ducked slightly, you'd be fine. Though, because of your height, you needed specific things for your life to be more comfortable. Such as a bigger bed, which was handmade by one of Bilbo's lovely neighbors, as well as chairs and whatnot. And clothes. Do not get him started on the clothes. Bilbo even expanded his garden, enough to now fully feed both him and you.

And in the beginning, when you were still such a small, little thing, Bilbo was worried about the possible prejudice that would arise. He was worried that some of those in Hobbiton would find you odd. A Human in Hobbiton... But, news of Bilbo's Human daughter was quickly spread, and as quickly as it was spread, it became accepted. People began to forget that you weren't exactly like them - and, in many ways, you weren't. You were kind and gentle, and oh-so very loving; that made everyone around you want to be just as kind and gentle too. 

This brought happiness to Bilbo. You seemed happy. He was happy too. And life was calm and peaceful in the Shire once more.

But, skipping to the present day, that all seemed to change. 

A gentle breeze swept past you as you sat on the edge of the riverbed. You sat upon a large stone, dipping your bare feet into the water. It was warm and soothing and you smiled as you watched fish swim past, occasionally coming up for a moment and nipping lightly at your toes. Your hair was tied back, but little strays were persistent and broke free; framing your face nicely. The setting sun shone brightly on your head but didn’t bother you much. You had grown used to the sunlight and weather and took no offense to it at all. It was warm enough today - despite the breeze - that you wore a thin jacket; which you loved immensely, along with a simple dress, and some leather boots. Being a Human, unlike Hobbits, you were unable to walk around on your bare feet for more than an hour or two at a time without growing uncomfortable; you couldn't count how many times you came home with little sores on the bottoms of your feet.

Your afternoons usually persisted in reading in the small forest near the entrance path to Hobbiton before you traveled around the town, greeting your friends and neighbors before finding yourself sitting down by the river. Hobbiton, though being the only place you've ever been, was a beautiful and peaceful place. You loved it, but you longed for adventure. You often imagined going on adventures to far-off places, seeing large castles, and riding horses. Like the storybooks had told you, but, though you were old enough, Bilbo would always become so uneasy at the mere mention of you leaving Hobbiton. You knew that you could leave if you so wished, but you hated the thought of him being alone. Alone to face the wrath of Lobelia. 

You knew that you were different. And no, not in the way that you were a Human and your friends and family - and father - were not. You were different. Special. When you were twelve, you had been running around with some of the other children, and in the cloud of fun, you had tripped and fallen. Finding your knee all scraped up, you felt tears sting the backs of your eyes. You had carefully brushed the dirt and whatever else away from the somewhat bloody scrap; a tear leaving your eye. It fell, landing on your knee, and within mere seconds, your cut had healed itself. You remembered the feeling of awe and confusion as you stared down at your now perfectly healed knee. You told your father - Bilbo - and with a bit of research, you had learned that your tears could heal injuries. 

Well, when you got older, this fascination with your powers and healing in general, you trained to become a healer. You learned all that you needed to know; certain tonics, plants to use, and ones to stay away from. It was helpful, very helpful in fact, that you became one of the best healers of Hobbiton. Though, there wasn't a lot of healing you had to do. Hobbiton was - as said before - calm and peaceful. There were no wars, no battles, no fights that caused any wounds or anything that needed healing. At most, you had a papercut or a gardening scratch that needed tending to. So, you were free to do anything you pleased, most of the time, most of the day.

But, as the sun began to fall past the horizon, you quickly got up from the stone. Walking home, the grass gradually dried your feet as you made your way home; continuing to hum a song as you got closer and closer. Entering the home, you could smell supper cooking, and you smiled. After a long day, you were excited to eat. Stashing your shoes away, you found your father plating supper, and you joined him, helping him. 

The supper looked delicious, but before either you or your father could even begin to eat or take your first bites, there was a knock on the door. You both looked up at each other, confused. Who would be visiting this late into the night?

"Did you invite someone?" You asked your father, who shook his head.

"No," He looked towards where the door was located, "Did you, my child?"

You shook your own head, "No."

You both then stood, and Bilbo opened the door. There stood a Dwarf. He stared at the both of you - possibly somewhat surprised by you - then the intimidating Dwarf gave your father his heavy furs and weapons. Before you knew it, there were a handful of Dwarves in the Hobbit hole, along with Gandalf. You stood beside your father, hearing the story of Erebor, the dragon, and the Dwarves wanting to reclaim it. It was a thrilling story, and you found yourself wishing and longing that you could come along and help. 

Well, your wish would soon be fulfilled. 

~~~

You had been walking, you didn't know how long, but you didn't care. You were happy, a bright smile on your face as you looked at all the tall trees, and colorful plants; just admiring the world around you. You followed after some of the other Dwarves, your father beside you. It had been a good couple of days since the beginning of the journey to Erebor. Gandalf had convinced the Dwarves - mostly Thorin - that they would need a burglar. A burglar and a healer. 

Your father did not want you to go. He was insistent that you stay home, and watch over the Shire, and his garden, but Gandalf said that you would be a key member of the Company if you came along. You remembered looking up at Gandalf, and with that knowing look in his eyes, you knew that he knew about your powers. You had then spoken, telling him, and Thorin, that you would be honored to come along. Bilbo grumbled and protested against you signing the contract but with a smidge of convincing by you that next morning, both you and your father were running through Hobbiton to catch up with the Company.

You had been collecting flowers, some white ones, pink ones, and even some yellow ones. It had been a good couple of months since the beginning of the journey. Throughout the journey, aside from running away from goblins and trolls, you and the Company had gotten closer. All of the Dwarves, even Thorin, and Dwalin - though they never said anything to you, being so broody and stoic - all the Dwarves had grown to love you. Your kindness and spirit were contagious. They'd all come out of their shells a little - especially Balin, who had taken quite an interest in you and had even begun to teach you Dwarvish.

And Kili... Well, you had unintentionally caught the young Prince's attention since the very beginning. 

Kili watched as you picked flower after flower, taking in everything; your energy, your joy. Everything that made you, you. He found your voice breathtaking, and your words always filled him with such warmth and comfort. He enjoyed the moments he did have with you. The conversations you both shared. The more the journey went on, the more both you and Kili grew closer. You talked about your interests and the things you liked doing. He loved watching you laugh and smile, and hearing the stories that you told. He could listen to your sweet voice for hours on end. Seeing the sun reflect off your hair, the light dusting of freckles across your nose and cheeks, your smile... His heart pounded faster than usual and he felt himself blush. You had no idea what he saw. No clue. No clue as to what you had done to him. His eyes sparkled as he looked at you, and Fili noticed this. 

"You should speak to her," Fili spoke, slightly startling Kili out of his thoughts. 

He blinked, snapping out of his thoughts, before he turned to Fili with a questioning glance, "What?"

Fili sighed quietly, glancing from you to his brother once more. "You should tell her how you feel," He explained gently, watching the way Kili looked at you. "Tell her how you feel about her."

Becoming somewhat started, Kili nudged Fili's side, "Must you be so loud?" He whispered, glaring at his older brother who pursed his lips.

"Yes, I must," He whispered back, looking back at you briefly, "Because you are oblivious."

"I'm not oblivious," Kili defended, "Just... Cautious," He admitted, fiddling with a leather strap on his shoulder. "I believe that she is my One, Fee." He spoke softly, his voice nearly drowned in the sound of the wind rustling through the leaves of the trees.

Fili's frown turned around at his words, "Then you must speak to her. You know how important Ones are, Kee."

"I do," He replied calmly, "But..." He trailed off, shrugging helplessly. "I don't think I can. Not yet," He mumbled quietly, almost inaudible, but still audible to Fili. Looking back over at you, Kili sighed... 'Soon,' he thought. Soon, he'd tell you. He just didn't know when. It was hard to have any privacy - or alone time for that matter - when the rest of the Company was present.

~~~

That night, you shot up from your bedroll. Your breathing was uneven and frantic, and you were covered in cold sweat. Glancing around you, seeing that everything was alright, you shook your head. You rubbed your cheeks, hoping that you didn't wake anyone. The nightmare was dark, and gorey. You weren't scared of the goblins or trolls when you had first encountered them, no, but the nightmare changed something inside of you. It frightened you, to the point that you couldn't breathe properly, let alone sleep. You didn't understand why such a thing happened to you, or why such things would plague your dreams. 

"Are you alright?" A voice asked, and it slightly startled you, making you turn your head to see Kili. He sat at the base of a tree; it must have been his night for night watch. 

"Oh, um-" You paused, trying to collect your thoughts and emotions. "My apologies, I am fine." You murmured softly, smiling reassuringly at him. "Just a dream."

Kili merely nodded. After a few moments of silence, Kili finally spoke up. "Do you want to talk about it?"

You pursed your lips, turning your gaze to look at the fire; contemplating before standing. Kili watched as you grabbed your fur blanket, walked over to him, and sat down beside him. "It's nothing to worry about, really," You insisted, "Just about the trolls."

Kili hummed before nodding, "I would understand having such dreams. Trolls are incredibly ugly creatures."

His words made you laugh, and you quickly covered your mouth with a hand to quiet yourself. Thankfully, none of the Dwarves, nor your father, had awoken. His words helped you, making you smile, and a small feeling of happiness spread through you. "Thank you, Kili," You said, leaning towards him slightly. "Your words have indeed helped me. As always."

"Always," He repeated quietly, his smile only growing as you reached out to place your hand on top of his.

~~~

The next morning, Kili awoke first. He was just peeking out from above the horizon, and with a small groan, he tried to stretch; but with the weight that was pressed against his shoulder and side, he stopped. Looking beside him, he found you, fast asleep, your head on his shoulder; blanket covering you, the sunlight shining right onto your face, making you appear like an ethereal being. He felt himself freeze, the warmth radiating off your body and into his. He stared at you for a moment, before glancing down, your hand still covered his. He smiled sadly as his thumb brushed lightly against your skin. 

At your soft sigh, he paused, his chest tightening as you slowly woke,  blinking at the sunlight. "Good morning," Your voice was barely a whisper, and Kili chuckled slightly.

"Good morning." He returned quietly, shifting slightly, careful not to disturb you. "Sleep well? No nightmares?"

"Mhm," You hummed, "No nightmares about ugly trolls." You laughed lightly, causing Kili to smile.

There was another pause between the two of you, neither daring to say anything as the minutes ticked on. Kili watched you as you gazed upon the sunrise, the rays catching every detail of your features, until his mind wandered away. What would you say? What would you say about the fact that his heart raced whenever he gazed upon you, whenever you spoke? Every word that left your lips, it seemed, touched a part of him, deep within the depths of his soul. If he listened, he could hear the echo of your sweet voice, your laughter... If he closed his eyes, he could envision your smile, the light dancing in your eyes. But what if... what if he told you? Would you feel the same? You were his One... He must tell you.

But as the day went on - breakfast being served, traveling closer and closer to the mountain - Kili began to doubt himself. Perhaps, perhaps he wouldn't be able to bring himself to. Would he dare to say it out loud? He wasn't sure. And the longer it lasted, the less confident he became. Finally, after everyone had eaten their fill, the group came to a stop.

"This will be our camp for the night," Thorin announced. "We shall take turns staying up with the watch. Fili and Kili, you can grab sticks for the fire."

Fili quickly spoke, "I can go find food, Kili and Y/N can find wood for the fire."

With that, Thorin raised an eyebrow but allowed it. 

Fili gave Kili an encouraging grin, and Kili let out a deep sigh. Doubt tickled the edges of his mind, but once his eyes met yours - seeing your smile - that doubt fluttered away.

Side by side, you and Kili walked around the woods. The evening sun was slowly falling below the horizon, painting the sky in shades of orange and yellow, creating a beautiful sight. Finally, since the nightmare, you and Kili were together alone. Without the other company or the Company, it was easier for you two to talk without interruption. But now, surrounded by the sounds of crickets chirping, of leaves rustling - all alone - Kili felt nervous again.

"Y/N," His voice brought you attention away from the wildflowers and towards him, a smile on your face, "Can I ask something?"

You frowned slightly, tilting your head to the side, "Of course." And Kili felt a lump swell up in his throat. 

You looked ethereal. The setting sun cast a golden halo around your hair, causing the strands to sparkle in a way that almost blinded him. Your eyes were bright, shimmering, and filled with curiosity. He swallowed hard. He wanted to ask you the question - but he hesitated. How would you respond? Would you even answer? But, he couldn't speak, he was just so mesmerized by you. So lost in your beauty. Lost in your eyes. Lost in your smile. He didn't want to lose you.

"You are so beautiful..." He muttered out, still so lost in the depths of your stare.

A flush painted your cheeks, and you glanced away shyly. "Oh… Th-Thank you, Kili."

His eyes widened as he snapped out of his head, "I- I did not mean to say that out loud." He spoke alarmed,  his expression one of horror as he realized what he had said. He bit his lip. 

You blinked owlishly before letting out a short chuckle. "It is alright," You murmured softly, staring at him with a warm, gentle expression. "Nevertheless, I thank you for the compliment."

He breathed out heavily, unable to stop a smile - albeit a nervous one - from appearing on his face. "I did not mess this up, did I?"

You let out another little laugh, shaking your head, "No, I don't think so."

A sweet, silent understanding swept over the both of you, and as his hands brushed against yours during your little walk through the woods, you both completely forgot to grab any kindle for the fire.

~~~

The next morning - walking towards Erebor - with an encouraging smile from you, Kili jogged up towards your father. Again, the nerves were immense, but he steeled himself, clearing his throat to gain your father's attention. Bilbo looked over at the young Prince, an eyebrow raising.

Around them, it felt like the world had gone silent. Like all attention was on him. Kili let out one more sigh, before speaking, "I would like to ask for your permission to braid Y/N’s hair." Now, everyone's eyes were on him, but Kili stood his ground, looking directly at your father. There was no backing down. He wanted to prove himself.

"Braid?" Bilbo muttered, clearly this was the first he was hearing this, "You want to braid my daughter’s hair?"

Kili nodded, glancing at Thorin, he merely grumbled and continued walking, before Kili realized by Bilbo’s expression that he was confused. “Oh, uh, I mean courting. I would like to court your daughter. She- She is the light of my life. She is my One. I know I do not deserve her, but-" Kili let out a sigh, running a hand through his curls. "Will you allow me to court her?"

Bilbo stared at him with wide eyes, clearly shocked and speechless. His gaze darted back towards you, who stood a couple of meters behind, watching intently, but at the sight of your smile, Bilbo quickly composed himself and let out a deep sigh, nodding. "Alright," Bilbo stated. It was obvious how much both you and Kili smiled at each other, and just from the looks in your eyes. "You may court my daughter." He added, giving him a stern look, "But, if you do anything, I will have my cousin's throw potatoes at you."

Kili's smile grew as he nodded, and he could hear some of the other Dwarves cheering for him. "Thank you, Mister Boggins."

Bilbo let out a deep, dramatic sigh as Kili ran back towards you, taking your awaiting hand. Running a hand down his face, he turned around to see both you and Kili smiling, and he knew then - seeing you both interact with each other - he knew. You were happy together. And he could never be angry. If you were happy, then he was happy too.

~~~

Main Masterlist - The Hobbit/Lord Of The Rings Masterlist

[sukirichi]

[ DUSK ‘TILL DAWN : 010 ]

“we who bear the burden of the crown do not need to love. you only need to stay here, with me, in power, in greed, in lust – in victory.”

cw. modern royal au. infidelity. slight angst. reader is beginning to question everything she knew. reader almost drowns. toxic characters. suggestive. toxic relationships. unedited. SHIRTLESS KIYOOMI SHIRTLESS KIYOOMI

notes. the end of kiyoomi arc... mayhaps? also highly recommend listening to the linked song for this chapter and the fanmade playlist linked in the masterlist <3

wc. 8k

series masterlist 

[ TEN ] you’ll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night, burning it down. someday when you leave me, I bet these memories follow you around

You underestimated Kiyoomi’s enthusiasm.

Blame it on the fact you would’ve never figured the word ‘enthusiasm’ and Kiyoomi could fit in the same sentence, but as always – the Prince was full of surprises. At precisely seven in the morning, he had knocked on your door to wake you up. Not the maid, nor the butler. The Prince himself. He’d asked you to join him for breakfast, boasting that everything was from farm to table – the cheese from the milk of his cows, the meat from his poultry, the scrambled eggs neatly placed around the plate – save for the wine he’d brought all the way from Greenville. ‘Nothing like liquor from your lands,’ he’d commented, and poured you a drink. You stifled a laughter. You hadn’t thought one could have wine for breakfast, but alas, the customs in the Palace were different. Here, you were just you, and Kiyoomi could simply be.

After breakfast, he’d given you a tour of his farmhouse, although calling it ‘house’ was entirely too humble.

Located in the countryside, surrounded by thick greenery and a dense forest with overlooking hills, Kiyoomi’s farmhouse felt like a sanctuary compared to the Palace. He didn’t even need much security, whatnot with the tall trees decorating the driveway to offer privacy. His gardens contained lush greens, and a diverse variety of flowers you hadn’t ever seen before. He knew them all by heart, even their scientific names. You teased him about it, how he was just showing off at this point, because who spews scientific names of flowers when no one asked? He took it with grace, though, or as much grace a flustered Prince could, anyway.

He’d scratched the back of his ear, looking at everywhere but you. “You spend enough time reading books and you can’t help studying everything.”

“I think it’s impressive,” you nudged his shoulder, “I’d certainly boast, too, if I had that knowledge.”

His brows furrowed in confusion. “But maybe not about flowers. No one cares about flowers.”

“I do!”

“Sure,” he snorted, “As long as they’re pretty enough to look at, you’ll like them.”

“I can’t help that I like pretty things.”

“No, you can’t,” his face smoothened, and he snuck a glance at you – all too quickly before straightening up. “I certainly can’t.”

Sometimes, you wondered if Kanami made herself busy on purpose. If maybe, just maybe, she had installed cameras all around the farmhouse and giggled to herself if she could see you and her son interacting. Bent over a bed flowers, with Kiyoomi explaining their origins, and you listening intently. Or Kiyoomi introducing you to his chickens (yes, he’d named them), and then snickering (which you soon learned was his version of a laugh) when you ran away after a mother hen mistook you for a threat. Of course, you didn’t share the same sentiments of humor. The mother hen’s claws were not a laughing matter, but Kiyoomi thought otherwise. He’d simply shaken his head because he wouldn’t let any form of harm come to you, anyway.

You wished that offhanded comment didn’t make you feel so warm inside.

Being here with Kiyoomi was… Well, it was better than anything you’d expected. This was how you wished your honeymoon had been – filled with laughter, sharing in good, lighthearted conversation, and being a part of nature. Spending minutes in silence while you took in your daily dose of sunlight. Being in good company. You were glad you accepted Kanami’s offer, and you only enjoyed yourself more with each passing hour you’d made yourself acquainted with Kiyoomi and his precious farm.

And then there was that nagging voice that told you he wasn’t Rintaro.

You snorted. He definitely wasn’t. If he had been Rintaro, you would probably be in the middle of nowhere, miserable, and crying yourself until you’ve dried up like a prune. No – you didn’t want to think about him right now. It would defeat the entire purpose of this getaway. You wanted to enjoy yourself, and enjoy you did. For now, you gazed upon everything your human eyes could take in – the slope of the hills, the slight swaying of the tree leaves from the fresh breeze, the cows grazing on the grass, and Kiyoomi’s dog, Kael, herding those who went astray. Such a confusing image to paint, that of a Prince wearing his riding boots at the porch of his back garden.

“Wow,” you exhaled, following him into the stables. He’d lent you some boots, too, and was now reigning the straddle parts for the horses. “I underestimated your place. Do you own all of these lands?”

“I do,” he proudly said, and swung open the tiny, white wooden gates to reveal a tall horse with shining black fur. He chuffed upon the sight of Kiyoomi. His tail wagged, his snout reaching over just when Kiyoomi extended his palm to cup his nose. In front of you, a ghost of a smile flittered on his lips. “This is Astra. He’s mine. Had him since he was an infant; Kanami got him for me on my twelfth birthday.”

You couldn’t help but smile too. For all his grumpiness around his Mother’s fretting of him, it was clear the Prince loved her. And it was such a nice thing to see since the other Princes weren’t so lucky when it came to their mothers.

Kiyoomi beckoned you to come forward, and so you did. You were hesitant at first, because Astra was enormous. He stood at least two heads taller than you, with thick, powerful legs that could easily crush you with one kick. But Kiyoomi was there holding him close by his reigns, and you grew more confidence with each step. Smiling at him, you bravely lifted a hand to cup his face.

“Hello, Astra. You are so beautiful.”

Astra chuffed at your compliment, and Kiyoomi let out his barely audible breathy chuckles.

“He’s flattered by the compliment. And that one next to him is Lucy, his girlfriend. She’s great for beginner riders,” he was now fixing Lucy’s reigns as he spoke, adjusting the foothold before leaning over her to glance at you. “Have you ridden one before?”

“Only several times.”

Nodding, you followed as Kiyoomi led the two horses outside the barn. Astra seemed to be over the moon upon being with Lucy without being separated by their gates, chuffing and whinnying repeatedly while bumping noses with her. Lucy was much more reserved, but returned the gesture and even licked him adoringly, which made your chest ache. Gods. Now you were jealous because these horses had a healthier, more loving relationship than you.

Before you could dwell on it, however, a pair of strong arms were already lifting you up. You yelped as you rose mid-air and flailed wildly. The ground below you disappeared, and soon, you were perched on Lucy’s back, while Kiyoomi effortlessly hopped on a much taller Astra. The action seemed so natural to him as if he’d done it multiple times – and dare you say, infuriatingly attractive. The Prince had the top three buttons of his shirt undone because he’d worked a sweat chasing the chickens away from you a while ago, and his curls stuck to his forehead in a way that showcased high-chiseled cheekbones you hadn’t seen before. And… wow. He was breathtaking without realizing it. It felt wrong to think that way, to feel this way, but it was just admiration, was it not? He was a literal Prince Charming, with a dash of awkwardness, and a spritz of unexpected geekiness.

You turned away when his large, calloused, and veiny hands began stroking Astra’s mane. You’d rather not have to think about how those same strong, yet gentle hands lifted you up as if you weighed nothing, and truly, that white shirt of his did little to hide his muscular build. Clearing your throat to rid yourself of those thoughts, you tightened your grip on the reins. “Where to, my Prince?”

“To the edge of the world.”

A smirk was all he gave you before he tapped Astra with his ankles, sending the stallion running off. Your jaw dropped. You hadn’t expected he’d leave you behind, and you refused to be left alone. Mimicking his gestures, you tapped on Lucy and bellowed. She ran and ran, hard enough that your bottom began to feel sore, but that was nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the sensation of the fresh wind whipping at your cheeks, the sun shining down on your skin, and the sounds of hooves hitting the Earth. Your racing heart matched the beat of Lucy’s footsteps as she easily caught up to a carefree Astra. She whinnied, and he responded with one of his own, making the Prince smile when you showed up beside him not a moment later – the smile on your faces proud.

“I knew you could catch up,” he shouted from over the wind, and your smile broadened.

The two of you rode aimlessly for what seemed like hours, even if it was just only minutes. Kiyoomi took you everywhere – in the middle of the forest, where you squealed as the horses ran over puddles and the dirt muddied your boots. But you found yourself unable to care. You were filled with so much glee, with so much life, that you were certain your heart was now pulsing in your arms. It was surreal how much you could see in slow motion despite the speed you were riding at. How your vision had become crystal clear as you took in the tall trees surrounding you, the deers running off and hiding when you’d ran past them. How Kiyoomi always seemed to be a few steps ahead, but always looking back to see if you’d follow him. You did, and you always would, even as he led you deeper into the forest and past the clearing.

Astra slowly skidded to a halt as you took in the scenery in front of you, and you tugged on Lucy, eyes wide open and jaw dropped. A nearly torn down fortress built of stone that was probably piled hand by hand stood before you, vines and moss growing from the walls from old age. It seemed sturdy, yet the holes and cracked towers said otherwise. It must have been centuries since someone last used this place.

“Are those castles?”

“Castle ruins,” he corrected, clicking his tongue as he led Astra to circle around the ruins. “Before Inarizaki split from Itachiyama, the first rulers set their base here.”

“So this was where the original monarchs were.”

It was the typical layout of a castle, with a flatter centre in the middle, and two, tall pillars on its side to serve as its towers. The right tower had already been destroyed, though, leaving a hole in its wake. The large wooden doors from the entrance of the castle had multiple marks on it, as if people had repeatedly tried to beat the doors down with their stakes and weapons. Black marks also decorated the stones, and judging by the empty, darkened patches of soils that was blatantly contrasting with the otherwise growing greenery around the ruins, this Castle must’ve been burnt down at some point.

“Yes, but as you can see, they’re nothing but ruins now. Inarizaki took with them whatever old rules and scriptures they had back in the old days. That’s why we still keep some traditions in our country, although its true origin was from the True Land. The old Itachiyama.”

“Traditions such as last dances on a debut ball?”

“Traditions such as that,” he agreed, rather shyly. His voice had grown distant now that he rode before you, more out of protectiveness as he peeked in the open windows. Once satisfied with what he’d seen, he jumped off Astra and walked to you, absentmindedly placing his large palm on your knee. “We can go see the ruins for ourselves, if you would like.”

Heat spread from where his hand came into contact with your skin – or leggings. Blinking back your nervousness, you reached your hands out to Kiyoomi, letting him gently place you down until you were steady on your feet.

“We are allowed? Wouldn’t that be trespassing?”

“We are royals. Technically, these are the homes of our ancestors,” he stated, and then pursed his lips when you didn’t laugh. “It was a jest. Everyone is free to roam around as they please. As I have said, Itachiyama has less rules.”

You venture inside the castle ruins, fascinated by it all. You kept thinking about what Kiyoomi said – how these were the homes of your ancestors. Once, a long time ago in history, Inarizaki and Itachiyama were united as one, huge territory. Their Kings and Queens lived here and wrote history for themselves. People roamed these hallways once, and it must have been bustling with life. These same stone staircases in which you climbed on were probably littered with torches beside the walls, with their knights guarding each mysterious and hidden door. And gods, the things done behind those doors. Did the Princesses giggle amongst themselves during tea times? Did the Princes like to sharpen their swords and had their choice of horses, as well?

Did the Kings love their Queens?

So many questions unanswered, except Kiyoomi did have answers. He satisfied your unending curiosity by telling you everything you wanted to know – that yes, Kings did love their Queens and former monarchs had many heirs and heiresses. Or how the original Castle only had a right and left wing, but the last King before the country was split in two dedicated a South wing as a burial spot for his wife, the last Queen, who had died in childbirth. He was nicknamed ‘The King of the End’ because his wife’s death led him to a dark path of war, bloodshed, and ultimately, the separation of Inarizaki and Itachiyama. He had become so cruel in his grief that he wielded his power as King wrongly; starving his people, abusing his servants, and neglecting his daughter, who had become the leader of a movement that gave way to Itachiyama becoming an independent territory. Unable to handle anymore of her father’s evil ruling, she’d banished him to Inarizaki, to the northern areas of the country, where her father continued the monarchy.

The story – heartbreaking and dark – caused the mood to dampen. You watched as Kiyoomi stopped inspecting the rooms, probably imagining for himself how this place held a lot of memories, both good and bad. He’d even made a point that he technically wasn’t a half-blood foreigner, since Inarizaki and Itachiyama all originated from one nation.

But he brushed it off, and you wondered if the Prince somehow felt alienated for being the only ‘half-blooded Prince.’ Which you found ridiculous because if that was the logic you followed, then all the Princes except Rintaro would be a half-blood for being illegitimate children. You made no other comments, however, and instead let the Prince reveal things about himself that he could in his own pace. Still, it seemed his mind had gone off a different path the quieter you got, and you nudged his shoulder, a teasing smile on his face.

 “I still can’t believe you attended my debut ball. I was a nobody at the time. To hear of a Prince coming…”

Kiyoomi looked confused.

“You were not a nobody. Your father is the kingdom’s general.”

“Yes, but we like to keep to ourselves, and Inarizaki hasn’t fought wars in decades. It isn’t like my father is an active soldier when he has no battles to partake in.”

“He is still an important figure for the Crown. Not to mention your mother comes from a family of business tycoons,” he reminded, narrowing his eyes at you in what seemed to be ridicule – more out of puzzlement than rudeness. “You truly are unaware of your influence, do you? Your family is one of the three noble families that helped Inarizaki’s kings hold the crown.”

You shrugged. You were well-aware of your family’s position in the Kingdom, but it did not feel the same. “That may be true, but I did not go out much. People did not make efforts to befriend me, either. I cannot help but think people do not care much about me.”

“All of the Princes received the invitation letter for your birthday, but we get them enough that Her Majesty discards them, or leaves it up to our judgment should we wish to go,” as if recalling the memory crystal clear, the Prince went beet-red from his neck-up. He tried to hide it by puffing out his collar, but to no avail. The redness of his skin still peeked from his shirt, and you stifled a giggle. “I had just turned twenty-one at that time, so my mother had visited. I guess you could say it was sheer luck that she chanced upon your invitation and insisted I go.”

“To establish connections and form alliances with the general’s daughter?” you cajoled.

“To find a wife, actually,” he sputtered out, “My mother worries I will die a lonely man because I do not speak with women. Or to anyone, at all.”

“You speak plenty to me.”

“Only because I enjoy your company, and our conversations are not mindless, boring politics.”

“True, but if we were back in the Palace, I would have probably talked about politics with you. Or worse, biscuits and tea. We would not have been able to talk casually about flowers, or say,” you gestured around you, “The history of our countries and all the wars caused by a man in love.”

“May history never repeat itself,” he replied drily, and you laugh.

You roamed the ruins for a little longer, noticing details like the dusty and faded portraits of the old monarchs. Some of them have been torn up, save for a portrait of a beautiful young woman who must have been the last Queen. The one buried at the South Wing.

The rooms had been emptied, too, which you found off. You expected to see at least remnants of a bed, or a study, but Kiyoomi had explained that not much survived the fire. You were enamored with everything, though, feeling like you were time travelling. And you didn’t stop exploring until you’ve turned every room upside down without bothering the evidence of history, and Kiyoomi was content to let you be. Later, when you’d both grown tired and weary of the weakening rock fortress, you returned to where you tied Astra and Lucy.

The way back home was blissfully silent. The horses were no longer running, since Kiyoomi said the sun would shine brightest at this time of day, and he wanted to take you somewhere beautiful. Letting him lead the way, he led you back inside the forest and towards a lake hidden by the tall trees. It almost felt like a gated pathway, with all the trees lined up to the side and the lake sitting smack in the middle of it all.

He was right – the sunlight made everything a hundred times more beautiful.

The water glinted, gleamed like it was made of crystals. The water was so clear you could see everything underneath, from the tiny pebbles, down to the fishes swimming underneath in all bright colors. Even your reflection smiled back at you brightly. Unable to help it, you dipped a finger into the water, fascinated by the small ripples it caused, and how the smaller fishes scurried away from the motion.

Meanwhile, Kiyoomi secured the ties of the horses around a nearby tree and opened his satchel, handing you a red apple. “I grew it myself,” he nudged the fruit towards, “Here.”

“Thank you.”

You bit down on it, and held back a moan. Gods. Was Itachiyama heaven or something? Or did fruits just taste better fresh and without preservatives? His apples were juicier than the ones you have back at home, and you were gobbling it, uncaring of the juices that ran down your wrist, leaving a sticky trail in its wake. Kiyoomi had an apple for himself, too, but he seemed too amused by your reactions to start eating his.

“So,” you leaned back on your palms, bum flat on the bank, “What do you do back in the Palace?”

“Avoid Belleview at all costs.” He casted another sideways glance your way. “Do not ask me why.”

You wouldn’t dare ask why – you both knew – but you couldn’t stop your tongue from expressing your curiosity.

“Has… has Her Majesty ever pressured you and Iris to have children?”

“That is a very personal and uncomfortable question,” he sighed, exasperated, “But to answer you, no. She could care less about us as long as we fulfill our duties and do the necessary work. I imagine the case will be different for you, though, seeing as you married her precious son.”

“She hasn’t told us anything, but on the dinners we share with her, she will imply a thing or two.”

He snorted, and took a bite of his apple. “Well, good luck with that.”

“Have you known Iris a long time?”

“No. I never even knew she existed until Her Majesty told me I was getting married,” gently, he took the leftover apple core from your hands and pulled out a handkerchief, dipping the ends of it into the water before reaching for you. You stared at him, confused, when he gestured to your palms. Realization dawned on you, and you handed him your palm. Carefully, the Prince rolled up the sleeves of your blouse all the way up to your elbows and wiped the sticky remnants of the juice with his damp handkerchief.

His actions – so gentle yet intentional – made you feel all kinds of things you shouldn’t be feeling in the first place.

Yet, you couldn’t make yourself pull away from his grasp even if you wanted to.

“Why do you keep asking about her? I figured you would avoid anything that concerns her.”

You winced. “I just… I cannot help but compare myself to her. I often wonder what she has that I do not. Why Rintaro is completely smitten with her, and why he cannot love me just the same,” you admitted, thankful that the Prince has your hand in his, otherwise you’d make all sorts of flailing gestures and make yourself look more like a bumbling fool compared to the ever-so-graceful Iris. “It’s not to say I am the better choice, but have I not given him everything? I gave him my heart and soul. I vowed to spend a lifetime with him. What has she given him that I could not?”

“My brother is a fool. You cannot intellectualize a fool’s decision.”

“On the contrary, your brother is very smart.”

“Academically, maybe, but he knows nothing about life.”

“Oh, and you do?”

“I have lived longer than him.”

“Only by three years!”

“And yet it is crystal clear to me what Rintaro cannot see,” he pulled your sleeves down and stashed his handkerchief back into his satchel, leaning forward with his hand on his knee as he cast you a hard look. You couldn’t read whether it was anger, or something else entirely on his face. “He is a witless excuse of a husband, and more so of a man, because he truly deluded himself that he is in love with Iris when he is not.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“Those two do not even talk,” he scoffed, “They merely use each other’s bodies as a way of getting oneself of. But I doubt Rintaro has shared anything intimate with her, and knowing Iris, she will not open her heart to him, either. At least I know very well she does not share the same affections.”

You shook your head, consciously rubbing your wrists together.

“What you speak of is impossible. They care about each other.”

“Rintaro doesn’t even know Iris is allergic to shellfish. He has tried feeding it to her plenty of times on their ‘dates.’ And Iris has not an effing clue over what Rintaro likes outside the bedroom – things that a lover should know about their significant other. What makes Rintaro smile? What makes Iris tick? They know none of that. They are not in love. They are just lonely.”

You flinched. “I was lonely, too, when I met the Crown Prince. Does that mean I was not in love, as well?”

“You are in love,” he gritted his teeth, “Hopelessly so. And I honestly wish you had chosen better. Anyone instead of him.”

You opened your mouth to retort – somehow, his words sounded like an insult. As if you were an idiot for falling for Rintaro, and even worse, for marrying him. Fine, you were stupid. Sure, you didn’t make the best decisions when you were in love, but must he be so cruel about it? His words had pierced your pride and shattered it, and you felt humiliated. So you stood up, determined to walk away from the Prince when your foot slipped on something, and the world turned upside down.

The blue of the sky shifted from the clearness of the water as you were submerged. The scream you were about to let out was lodged in your throat, and you kept sinking, sinking, sinking. You thrashed your arms out wildly as your wet clothes weighed you down. You struggled to breathe, your eyes stinging until you were pulled out of the water and hefted into Kiyoomi’s lap.

“Princess! Are you well?”

His hands were everywhere. Cracking your eyes open to ensure you were with him, his thumb brushing over your lips numb from the cold, and his other hand, warm and comforting at the small of your back. Briefly, in the haze of post-shock and the urgent need for air, you could vaguely see your bra peeking out from the white shirt sticking to you like a second skin. A pastel pink bra – and suddenly you were cold for an entirely different reason. Thankfully, Kiyoomi didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, he was too much the gentleman to comment on it.

“Princess,” he tapped your cheek, and this time, you had no choice but to look him in the eye to reassure him. The Prince audibly sighed. “Thank the heavens you didn’t go too deep. Are you okay?”

Your teeth chattered, but you managed to flash him a thumbs-up.

“Th-the water is effing cold.”

Alarm painted over his features. The next thing you know, the Prince was shedding off his shirt and motioning for you to remove yours, as well. He’d already turned around before you could be embarrassed, taking his shirt from his outstretched hands. And my, was it warm. It smelled like him, too, of freshness and mint and nature. But mostly, it was dry, and you had no protests as Kiyoomi carried you once again – this time on Astra’s back instead of Lucy.

“Here, ride with me. Share my heat just until we head back to the farm.”

“O–” Kiyoomi was behind you in an instant, his chest deliciously warm as it pressed flushed against your back. Meanwhile, you burned to your core with embarrassment. He didn’t notice, though, because the Prince was too busy trying to get Lucy to follow him, all at the same time leading Astra forward with you blocking his path. He was so close his natural scent wafted off of you, something so masculine yet comforting. The muscles on his arms also flexed when he reached for Astra’s reign, and you were certain you were being tested right then and there. “–Kay.”

“Princess, can you promise me something?”

The hairs at the back of your hair stood. He sounded a lot closer than you previously thought he was. “Y-Yes?”

“You should avoid Iris at all costs. She is not who you think she is.”

You made it back to the farmhouse in half the time it took you to reach the castle ruins. Kiyoomi had been so worried over your health that he rushed back home. Eventually, he’d snapped at Lucy with such a fierce tone that the poor girl scurried forward, leaving you three behind with a heavier weight. You knew he meant well though – Lucy knew the way back home, and he figured seeing her without a rider would alert one of the servants to anticipate your arrival. True to his words, someone was already waiting.

“Oh, dear! What happened to you?!”

Kanami rushed forward just as Kiyoomi set you down. Like mother, like son – you thought. Kanami wouldn’t stop raising your limbs as if to inspect an injury, and she paled once she realized you were wearing Kiyoomi’s shirt, and her son strutted around the porch in his mighty, shirtless glory. Oh, Heavens. All that farm work really paid off. He was nicely built.

“She fell in the lake,” he responded calmly, though his frantic movements as a servant ran forwards said otherwise. “Please draw a bath for her. And make it warm. Thank you.”

“Yes, sir!” The maid scurried away.

Kiyoomi rushed inside the house first, while Kanami guided you back like you were a newborn foal unsteady on her legs. You didn’t need it, but the kind gesture was appreciated. A moment later, Kiyoomi appeared with a handful of towels.

“Th-thank you.”

“Oh, my, you poor thing,” Kanami crooned, “I will prepare dinner for the three of us. Please do join when you have made yourself comfortable, Your Highness.”

Excusing yourself, you headed upwards and took a warm bath. The tub had already been filled with vanilla and other oils, and you soaked in it, letting the hot water seep into your skin and relax your muscles. It also wouldn’t hurt to smell nice – especially when Kiyoomi always smelled delectable. But just as that thought crossed your mind, and the sight of his abs flexing while he ran around the porch looking for a maid flashed in your memory again, you dunked your head under the water. You’ve heard of cold dunks, but now, it was time for hot dunks.

You had to stop thinking about him.

Or… why should you? Was it to stay loyal to Rintaro? Did it even make sense to be loyal to someone who wasn’t? Was it a sin to be attracted to Kiyoomi when Rintaro was clearly into Iris?

You were exasperated, and by the time you’d finished your bath, the time on the clock told you that you perhaps enjoyed it a little too much. Remembering that Kanami was preparing dinner for tonight, you quickly got dressed and rushed downstairs. You were about to announce yourself when you heard two voices – the loud, clear one of a woman’s, and an aggravated, quieter voice belonging to a man. You froze in your spot, unsure if you should make yourself known. But what if they were arguing? Would that make it worse? Or maybe you should just walk away and not eavesdrop? You should respect their privacy –

“If you have something to say, just spit it out.”

“Silly boy. You could be sweeter to your mother. I cooked your favorite dinner!”

“This was my favorite five years ago.”

“Well, how would I know? You don’t tell me anything!” Kanami argued, and faster than you could blink, her aggravated tone quickly turned into a sickly-sweet one – the persuasive Kanami you knew so well. “Anyways, I just wanted to say I am very proud of you, son. I heard Her Majesty was pleased with the work you managed to finish here, and your people are very delighted to hear you have returned. I really wish you would visit more often.”

“…I will try.”

“And bring Her Highness with you, of course,” she added, and you bit your lip. You could just be imagining it, but Kanami sounded like she had another meaning to it. Like Kiyoomi was somehow by default going to invite you. “Also… speaking of the public. Well, they’re just eager to see you! Both of you! Which is why I am inviting you both to the premiere event of my latest movie-”

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“Too many cameras. I don’t like it,” he tried to reason, and you heard footsteps echoing from the dining room. Without enough time to duck and hide, you plastered yourself against the wall, forcing a smile on your face when the Prince caught you red-handed. He smirked, seemingly amused, crossing his arms on his strong chest. “Let me ask the Princess herself if she’d like to go, though. If she does, I might change my mind.”

“I…I’ve never been to a premiere night. I would like to,” you smiled, albeit shyly, your gaze darting between Kanami and her son – who you think is now going to be your biggest problem. Or more like the things he was making you feel was becoming the problem.

“Then it is settled! I’ll bring my stylists over and we will all get ready for tomorrow’s event,” she announced, circling the dining table as she pumped her fists in the air. “Oh, you guys will be the talk of the whole country for weeks! This is going to be great!”

“I look forward to seeing your movie, Kanami.”

“Oh, and don’t forget! You’re each other’s dates,” she winked, and just like that, all hell broke loose.

For a country that claimed to not indulge in the luxuries, Kanami’s premier night could rival that of a Prince’s birthday ball. A red carpet. A hundred photographers, with even more journalists and interviews. Celebrities were everywhere you looked. This night was the definition of a night to be remembered, with all the flashing lights on you that it was actually blinding. Apparently, the public had caught wind that Prince Kiyoomi, and you, a Princess of Inarizaki and a potential Queen, would be attending, so the crowd doubled in size in anticipation. It wasn’t often their lovely Prince made an appearance to public events solely catered for media and entertainment. It was even more baffling he brought a Princess with him – one that wasn’t his wife.

At first, you were anxious they might not like you. You were the date of their Prince, and he wasn’t your husband – but the crowd cheered and screamed as you left the car, your gloved arm looped around Kiyoomi’s. He was extra handsome tonight – his curls gelled back, revealing a handsome face sculpted by the Gods themselves, and he wore a tailored suit nothing short of extravagant.

Kanami’s team did great making you look beautiful too. And dare you say, you felt confident enough to be standing next to the Second Prince. You wore a sleeveless champagne colored dress that hugged your figure well, with a fur cloak wrapped around your shoulders. A Bvlgari Serpenti Viper necklace hang on your neck, a gift from Kanami before she left first for the event. It was a simple look – nothing too flashy, and yet you could tell the difference from your usual outfits were you to show up in royal events.

Firstly, you wouldn’t be allowed to show this much skin. The amount of collarbones exposed for the world to see would have Her Majesty in a cardiac arrest. And the necklace you wore wasn’t dainty or minimal enough – by Her Majesty’s standards. The fur cloak would have her in shambles, too, but somehow, you couldn’t care that much.

Kiyoomi couldn’t tear his gaze off of you, and the cameras flashed at each move you made. Every blink, every smile, every nervous graze of your finger against Kiyoomi’s arm.

The last time people had noticed you this much and showed their love for you was when you married Rintaro. The only difference was you didn’t feel this exhilarated. On that day, you only felt miserable. Like your entire hurt was on display for the world to see. That your heartbreak was being broadcasted worldwide, and the smiles Rintaro sent your way was scripted, perfected for the cameras.

Kiyoomi wasn’t like that.

Kiyoomi wasn’t like him.

He never looked at the cameras once. He only had his eyes on you, and when he spoke, he did so behind your earrings, as if he was aware people could read his lips and this moment was private. It was just you and him, and not even the watchful, inquisitive eyes of the world could take this away from you. He made you feel safe, utterly protected even when presented for everyone to judge and criticize.

“If you wish to leave at any point, tell me and I will take you away from here.”

His voice, deep and smooth and gentle, sent shivers down your spine. It felt oddly intimate taking photos with him like this, how his arms had snaked around your waist to pull you closer to him. How he would always speak secretively, yet the slight curling of his lips would be open for the cameras to witness. How his fingerless ring sits comfortably at your hip, and you were leaning against him, smiling at the cameras whilst he smiles at you. The moment was utterly sensitive that you feared one wrong move could undo it all.

And you wouldn’t let it.

Turning your head to the side, you leaned up to whisper at him. “Thank you, but I think I will enjoy myself tonight.” You kept your voice low like his, spoke your words slowly as if you were treading on icy ground, and when you pulled away, you noticed you’d left a smear of your lipstick on the tip of his ear.

You didn’t tell him to wipe it away.

You didn’t stop when he held your hand. You didn’t tear your gaze away from him when he led you inside the building, and neither did you tell him to stop when he kept his arm around your waist until you’d found your seats. Admittedly, you couldn’t focus on the movie. It was difficult when you could feel Prince Kiyoomi’s gaze on you – how braver he seemed when in the dark. You feign ignorance to it all, or more like you tried, because you lightly pinched his thigh and told him to focus on the movie. For a moment, you thought he didn’t hear you. But then he turned his head away and you both watched his mother’s romance film – which, thankfully, she isn’t the love interest in. It would be extremely awkward if she was. But it was still a rather intense romance film – a forbidden relationship between a man and his best friend’s wife.

Kiyoomi shifted uncomfortably in his seat. You were now at the scene where the female main character and her lover, her husband’s best friend, were under the rain. They had gotten into an argument – the woman didn’t want to continue their relationship anymore, didn’t want to have to continue lying to those close to her, but the man was having none of it.

He loved her.

He’s loved her for a long time.

He loved her first.

And he knew damn well her husband wasn’t treating her right. They only got married anyway because he had gotten her pregnant at a university party, and things went downhill from there. But he could only handle so much. He could only endure so much. Eventually, all the love he’d been holding back had grown too much it had poured out from his veins. He would run after her, chase her, and follow her wherever she went. She had his heart from the moment he laid his eyes on her. He wouldn’t give up on her now.

But it was wrong – she knew it was.

You gripped the edge of your seat.

The man, broken and down to his knees, professed his love to her. His tears were flowing down his face on time with the rain, and the woman… Well, she was devastated for a lack of better words. She didn’t like her marriage. She didn’t even like her husband. But what would people say? They wouldn’t understand. They would only see her as a lowly woman who cheated on her husband, with his best friend of all people. They would never see her pain, or how she, too, craved to be loved the way she loved others.

No matter what she said, the man was never swayed. He would fight for her. He would be brave for her. And then he stood up, took her face into his palm, and kissed her. Your eyes grew wide. The kiss was too intense it was hard to believe it was only acting. No, he kissed her like he was consuming her soul, like he was breathing her in. Like he was the air she needed to live, and without her, he would be nothing. And when she kissed him back, she had melted. Like all of pins and needles she used to hold herself up withered away because there was no need to be strong when she knew he would always catch her, that he would be there to be her pillar, her strength, her fortitude.

You looked away from the kiss. Beside you, Kiyoomi had turned his gaze away from the screen, too, and his eyes were so dark it was hard to see him at all. But you knew he was looking at you. And something about his gaze seemed forbidden – felt like a secret. Because in this theater, everyone had their eyes on the screen, completely unaware that the Prince held the same intensity in his eyes when the man kissed his beloved.

Your lips tingled.

Your fingertips curled, aching, itching to reach out to him. He was right there – just within your reach. You could run your hands through his thick, dark curls. You could stare into those dark eyes and get lost within them. It wasn’t love – no, not really. But it was the beginning of something more, and you didn’t know what was louder – your heartbeat or the cheers of the audience as the movie came to an end.

And then the realization struck you –

You wanted Kiyoomi to kiss you.

The lights flashed on. The audience cheered and applauded. The moment was broken.

You looked back to the stage, feeling cold dread wash over you. You couldn’t believe it. You had thought of a different man that wasn’t your husband in ways that were… inappropriate. Is this what Rintaro felt? When he looked at Iris, did he feel this need to have his lips on her? Did he yearn for her? But what could this mean? Were you falling for Kiyoomi? It couldn’t be. It’d only been a week. You were great friends – yes, friends! And friends didn’t go around kissing each other. Friends didn’t want their friends to kiss them.

But you had wanted him to, anyway, and now your dress felt suffocating.

Wordlessly, you stood up from your seat. You headed for the exit, or the restroom, you were unsure. All you knew was that you had to leave. You turned away from everyone who greeted you, pushed away anyone who asked for a photo, and your blood ran cold. What would the tabloids say? That you were a rude Princess? You were sure you look like a madman running out of the theatre when the night had barely even begun. Maybe you looked like a criminal caught in the middle of her act – and what crime? Adultery.

Tears pricked at your eyes. You willed them away, because you didn’t want to ruin your makeup. But you just… This was all a mistake. You should have never come to Itachiyama.

He was your husband’s brother!

You pushed the doors open, arms raised to call for a driver when a flash of lights bombarded you. It stung, blinding you for a moment until you stumbled back. A horde of reporters were shoving their phones and microphones in your face before you could process anything. You pushed back to the crowd, begging for reprieve, but there were too many of them, and only one of you. They all screamed your name, chanted your title, and in the midst of it all, you heard Rintaro’s name being spoken.

“Please,” you insisted, “I just want to get back to my car. Please, let me–”

“Your Highness! Princess!” a reported shoved his way through the crowd, his microphone hitting your lip hard enough that your teeth ached. Shit. You lowkey missed the strict customs in Inarizaki – people wouldn’t be so comfortable being in your personal space otherwise. But the reporter’s next words made your stomach drop.

“Did you visit here with Prince Kiyoomi as payback?”

“I – excuse me?”

Stunned into silence, you stared back at the man demanding answers from you. There was a crazed look in his eyes, his free hand clutching a camera that had taken multiple photos at the look of surprise in your face. Your sweat turned cold, and you took a step back. You headed back for the building, only to collide with a firm chest and a familiar scent washing over you. Before you could do anything, Kiyoomi had spun you around to face him, your head tucked in his neck as he pushed through the crowd. “Out of my way!”

You clung onto him like a child. You close your eyes, letting him shoulder all the pushing and shoving, all to keep you safe within his hold. The entire way back to the car, Kiyoomi bellowed at the people to give way for the both of you, and you’d never heard him sound so angry. Yet, you didn’t feel scared – at least, not of him.

The night was just taking an unexpectedly wrong turn, and you weren’t sure how much more you can handle.

“Kiyoomi,” you cried into his chest, “I don’t know what’s going on. I’m scared.”

“Do not answer them. Those are reporters and journalists crazed for the latest gossip.”

“Princess! Is it true your marriage is falling apart? Are you here in Itachiyama because of what the Crown Prince did? Answer us, Princess! What will be the future of the throne?”

The car came into view. Kiyoomi’s security team formed a barricade around you to allow you safe entry inside the car, puffing out their chests and shoving away anyone who dared tried to follow. Once inside, Kiyoomi barked on the driver to just move, and the car sped away. Your breathing slowly stabilized, but you were still far from being composed. In front of you, Kiyoomi had his hands balled into fists at his knees, his jaw clenched so tight you feared he’d pop a vein.

“Kiyoomi. What is going on? What were they talking about?”

Kiyoomi visibly relaxed at the sound of your voice. Dragging a hand down his face, he sighed, reaching for a tablet tucked away behind the seats and clicked on something. Then, he handed the tablet to you – and all your worst fears had now come to life. All the secrets you buried, the lies you’d kept – none of it was hidden anymore.

Trending for the past hour was an article recently published by a man named Kuroo Tetsurou, headlined ‘CROWN PRINCE RINTARO AND PRINCESS IRIS: LOVERS WITHOUT THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER?’

The headline photograph was taken from a window, the photo blurry yet all the details were clear enough. Rintaro, on the bed, leaning against the headboard with his dress shirt unbuttoned and falling down on his shoulders. Iris, on top of him, bare with only her chest censored by a thick, black line. She was kissing him, her hands looped around her neck. Rintaro held her tightly, too, like he was afraid of letting her go – his hand with your wedding ring on it cupping her cheek as he kissed her back. On his neck were multiple hickeys, and her hair let loose and wild.

You felt like you stopped breathing entirely.

“Sir,” mumbled the driver nervously, “Are we going back to the farmhouse?”

“No. Head for the airport. We’re going straight to the palace.”

“But… Sir, your mother is still at the-”

“Kanami will understand,” grunted Kiyoomi, who suddenly snatched the tablet from you and shut it off. You didn’t know whether to be thankful or not. Quite frankly, you didn’t know what to feel. You felt numb and about to go insane all at the same time. Kiyoomi was more composed, at least, but it seemed he knew about this earlier and came running after you. Sighing, he loosened his tie and leant back against his seat.

“We need to go back to Inarizaki.”

You swallowed. You knew it now – you weren’t any better than Rintaro in the photos. But you could be honest, you could tell the truth, you could make it all better and stop it before it gets worse.

“Kiyoomi,” you trembled, spinning your wedding ring around your finger. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

The Second Prince shut his eyes. His placid face a contrast to his fists tightening even more. “Don’t,” he said, his voice sounding more resigned. Funny, how he was inches away from you, and he suddenly felt so far away when he opened his eyes – and you couldn’t recognize the man sitting in front of you anymore. “Whatever it is, just don’t.”

[chrometheraptor]

HELLO. I COME BEARING ISAT WING DESIGNS

To the left are the top/back views, and to the right are the bottom/front views! I think it’s fairly obvious bc of them being lighter colored and whatnot, but I figured I’d clarify just in case :]

(relative sizes not accurate btw!!! At some point I will create a proper lineup that compares everybody more accurately <3)

Design notes under the cut!! AND warning for very slight spoilers btw!!

SIFFRIN

Theirs are based off of a seagull’s because they’re originally from an island! I kept their shades pretty light, and gave them star patterns on their secondary and primaries! He’s also got some white speckling

MIRABELLE

I gave her very rounded wings to match the rest of her design! They ended up being shaped similar to an owl’s! I gave her a barred pattern to be reminiscent of the Change symbol!!

ISABEAU

I based his wing shape off of an eagle’s bc they’re like. Big strong birds. He’s got a lace pattern on the primaries and secondaries to be similar to his clothes, and then the lighter shades are to be similar to his hair!

BONNIE

Theirs are shaped like a puffin’s since they’re coastal birds and also I love puffins!! I gave them a little stripey pattern with some dots to be similar to the one on their shirt! They’ve got their flight feathers, BUT they’ve still got some downy fluff. They’re trying VERY HARD to fly!! Once their feathers fully grow in they go swimming with Sif :]

ODILE

Based hers off of a magpie for the dark color and the association with shiny things bc of her stuff with gems and also because I really like magpies <3 I gave her diamond patterns on the primaries to match the pattern on her jacket, and also because of the diamond shaped gems hanging off her glasses! If these were colored I would’ve made hers more desaturated than everybody else’s because. Old. But!! for now if I ever render anything properly I will just make them not quite as shiny

LOOP

Glowy spiky wings!!! They can also get floating shard thingies coming off of them, like what they get around their head sometimes! Their wings change shape a lot since they’re not really solid objects

EUPHRASIE

Based hers off of a swan’s since they are big and have white feathers and are associated with like gracefulness and whatnot! I gave her some barred patterns for the same reason Mira’s got hers, and also gave her some darker speckles around the tops to match her hair!

THE KING

Big ol albatross wings!! His are meant to look fairly similar to Sif’s since they both came from the island! He’s basically got inverted shades from Sif, with the same star and speckling patterns as them. ALSO he would have multiple sets of wings, and have a pair on his head that cover his face :)

[thehighladywrites]

corrupted cops.

pairing: police officer cassian x drug dealer reader

summary: you get caught red handed by cassian and try to do whatever it takes to skip out on jail

warnings: 18+, tiny plot like minimal, smut, backshots, seduction, solicitation, illegal activities, drugs mentioned, car sex, riding, cuffs being used wrongly😉

amara’s note: if u see any mistakes or errors no you didn’t and i blame english

next episode! — tba😉

series masterlist

"10, 20, 30 – are you kidding me? Pay for real or get out of my face," you demand, your hand outstretched, impatience and annoyance evident on your face.

This fool thinks he can score a whole bag for just $30. Not only is your supply top-tier and unmatched, but you also deal in real quality weed. You’re drugs are in demand and are selling quickly on many street corners, earning you hefty profits.

"Can't I pay some other time?" The typical rich, snotty guy with the douchebag hairstyle looks at you as if this is a negotiation, like he can convince you to lower your price for a rich trust fund baby like him. No fucking way.

"Listen dipshit, I'll make you pay double if I have to repeat myself. Then I'll ban you," you warn, narrowing your eyes at him as you slowly retract your arm.

The guy panics, sighs, then pulls out a $100 bill.

"See? You can be good!" you quip, snatching the bill out of his hands.

He mutters something before leaving, driving off in his stupidly loud supercar.

You were so overcharging him but you didn’t care. “Fucking loser.”

You turned around, pulling the massive stack you earned tonight out of your pocket, smiling as you think of what new things to buy for your luxury apartment. You count the money before looking up and freezing.

A man is standing there, dressed in the full nine yards in a police uniform, hands folded over his chest as he looks down at you with furrowed brows.

“Mind telling me what you were doing?”

His gruff voice entrances you for a moment.

It’s in that moment you realize that it’s the voice of the guy from your old class. The loud, popular guy had turned into a police officer. It didn’t shock you, honestly. Cassian was always about honesty and integrity, all about giving back to the community and whatnot.

Then you remember you’re holding a massive stack of money, weed is in your pocket, and he most likely saw you selling. So you smile at him before running.

You bolt, the sound of his heavy footsteps driving you forward.

Panic starts to set in, but you push it down, focusing on your escape. You bite your lip, urging yourself to keep going despite the danger looming around you.

“I’m SO fucked,” you think, looking around for an escape route.

In the dimly lit alley, you spot a door and rush towards it, relief flooding through you. Finally, you think, a way out from this mess. Your hands shake as you fumble with the lock, but no matter how hard you try, the door remains stubbornly shut, making you almost sob in frustration.

Frantic, you search for another escape route, your heart pounding in your chest.

"An alley? How cliche," he remarks, approaching you with a wry grin. The dim light of the alley lamp highlights his handsome face. You didn’t have time to admire him before, since you were running and all, but damn, he looked absolutely delicious.

Dark features, nice hair, a straight nose, and a stubbled jaw. He was wearing a tight short-sleeved officer shirt that hugged his built arms insanely. He had really grown into a fine man compared to the young boy he used to be. You looked him up and down, really taking in his height as he got closer and closer.

"You know there’s no way out of this, so put your hands infront of you and let’s make this easy, yeah? Don’t do anything stupid. Again," he says, his voice firm but with a hint of exasperation.

“Fine.”

You chewed the inside of your mouth, trying to think of a way out of this as he put the cuffs on you, leading you back to his car. Maybe some sweet words and feminine tears would solve it, you thought, hoping for a chance to talk your way out of trouble.

You had never gotten caught before, it was extremely humiliating and you would not stand for it.

—

"What’s your name, officer?" you ask, your voice tinted with slight seduction, testing if he remembers you. You don’t care what you have to do; you will get out of this.

"You know who I am. Badge number 031210," he answers, eyes on the road, hands gripping the steering wheel.

“Okay, Cassian. I think there has been a huge mistake. You don’t really wanna arrest me,” you say, rolling your eyes playfully, the cuffs jingling as you motion with your hands.

“Yeah? Why do I really not want to arrest you?”

“Because I’m a good person, I really am. So I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Come on, we can overlook this, just let me go.” you plead, trying to appeal to his sense of leniency from the backseat of his cop car.

He chuckles, lookinh back at you through the mirror. “Can’t do that. Maybe don’t deal drugs next time.”

He sighs looking at you with sympathy that makes your skin crawl. It made you feel ashamed that his old classmate was a lowlife drug dealer.

“What happened, Y/N? I remember how smart you were. Surely, you could have become something big,” he questioned.

You looked away not being able to handle the emotions in his eye. “Things happened Cassian. I’m not explaining them to you,” you try crossing your arms then remember the cuffs and settle for putting them in your lap.

Cassians gaze hardens slightly. “Okay then. I guess you’ll have to explain it all down at the precinct.”

Okay, so you’re screwed, right? Wrong. There’s always a plan cooking in your little head.

You take your cuffed hands in front of you and drag down the zipper of your hoodie, looking down innocently. “Cassian, could you turn on the AC? It’s a little hot in here. And you don’t mind me taking off my hoodie, right?”

Cassian grips the wheel, the leather creaking slightly. “I don’t mind.”

As you slip off your hoodie, you catch his gaze lingering on your exposed skin, a flicker of something in his eyes. The air between you thickens with tension, the heat rising in the confined space of the car.

Thankfully, there’s no barrier between you, so there’s nothing stopping you from getting closer to him.

“Cass, I’m having trouble taking it off, could you help me?” you ask, having shuffled very close to him, talking lowly into his ear. You're directly behind him, knowing the effect your voice had on the man.

You took advandtage of the fact that you were in a red light and got closer, whispering and pleading for him to help you get comfortable. Cassian’s eyes fluttered slight at the way your voice and breath were hitting his ear.

You scanned his body, his composure, cassian was tense, there was no doubt about it––he was more than turned on. “That’s cute.”

That snapped him out of his trance. He straightened up a little. “Do you want me to arrest you for solicitation too?” he mutters, driving to the station.

You start to beg some more, knowing that he’s at his limit. There’s no way he’s gonna be able to keep up the good cop act for long.

You start to place light kisses on his cheek, traveling all the way to his neck. He lets out a groan and tucks his lips between his teeth, struggling to maintain his composure.

“Come play with me, officer. I’ll let you do whatever you want to me,” you add, licking a stripe up his neck. That’s all it takes for him to speed into a abandoned alley and park haphazardly.

The adrenaline makes your heart beat faster and faster, a sick rush going through you.

There was a moment of silence when he pulled you out of the car, his grip firm on your upper arm. You found yourself sitting at the edge of the seat, your feet between his legs, the proximity making your pulse race.

“When will you learn that this isn’t a joke,” he exclaims with irritation.

You tilt your head slightly, looking up at him through dolled lashes, doe-eyed and innocent.

“Maybe I need you to teach me, officer.”

The corner of his lips rise as he squats down infront of you, putting one hand on your thigh.

“Think some dick’s gon’ set you straight, huh?”

You erupt in goosebumps, loving the way his warm hands roamed your body.

“mm’yeah. think that’s exactly what i need.”

“Yeah? Alright then, step out of the vehicle,” he orders, not having an ounce of shame as he oogles your ass on your way out.

He pulls out the keys much to your surprise. But he only releases you so you can take off your hoodie, if anything it makes you more confused when he makes you put your hands behind your back instead of infront of you.

“I need sumthin’ to hold on to, don’t I?” he announces casually, like he isn’t talking about fucking someone he just arrested.

He walks you over to the hood of his car where he bends you over, thankful for the short sundress you were wearing underneath that hoodie.

Cassian puts his leg between yours, kicking your feet apart. He pushes your front against the hood of his car, the cold metall cooling your warm skin down.

“If you behave, i’ll let you go, understand?” he asks.

You almost scoff. Of course you’ll behave, it’s your-get-out-of-jail card. But you don’t say that. “Yes, sir. I understand.”

Cassians hold tightens slightly before he tells you how good of a girl you are as he pulls your panties down to your ankles. His hands move to his heavy belt, the belt thudding on the floor as he clips it off.

His hand lands on your ass with a smack, causing you to inhale sharply while showing him your wet, throbbing cunt. You smile secretly as his cock stretches you until he’s fully inside before jerking himself back out. His fucking rough and hard as his nails dig into the soft skin of your hips.

“Look at that, could just slide right in,” he chuckles lowly.

Your sounds of pleasure slipped from your lips as you tugged the metal cuffs around your wrists that were pinning your hands behind your back.

The way his dick was hitting deep, so deliciously hitting that good spot made your eyes roll back. Who knew a cop could fuck this good?

“—feels too fucking good, Cassian,” you moaned out, body covered in goosebumps.

he was giving you long strokes, pushing all the way in and then sliding all the way out leaving only a bit of his tip in every time

“yeah? some dick settin’ you straight,” he lets out when you squeeze around him, dangerously close to creaming on his cock.

You had to agree— his dick definitely made you act right. You almost started thinking about giving up dealing, maybe settle down and live a happy life. THAT is how good he was fucking you.

Cassian pulled out completely causing you to almost scream in frustration. Just a few more pumps and you would have been deliciously weak in the knees.

“No, no, no— put it back in, please,” you begged with low lidded eyes, god, you could almost cry.

“I’m just taking you into the car. Don’t worry, i’ll be so deep in your guts, you’ll never have to worry about me pulling out,” he whispers into your ear before gently biting your lobe.

—

Tears rolled down your face as you cried relentlessly out of pleasure. The windows had fogged up, droplets dripping down.

you whimpered, burying your head deeper into the car seat. he showed you no mercy, jackhammering into you as he shoved your face down, holding you down by your neck.

your eyes rolled into the back of your head as he dragged along your walls, ramming into your g-spot. some drool seeped out of the side of your mouth as his fingers dug into your hips.

“You still with me?” he asks, gently grabbing your neck to see if you’re alive. Cassian speeds up again when you barely manage to nod.

your mind became hazy and eyelids heavy, pathetic whimpers and gasps falling from your lips as you felt yourself slipping away.

“Officer, m’gon cum— can i, please?” You brokenly let out. Not only did you take backshots; he also made you ride, ate you out and had you gagging on his dick. You were exhausted and spent.

“You promise to be good? Hm?”

“Yeah, i promise,” you whine with tears im your eyes, toes curling as you tip over the edge.

“Then you can cum, pretty face.”

a low, guttural sound escapes his throat as he finishes, flooding into your pussy and stuffing you full with his cum before pulling out and smirking as it oozes out of you.

you collapse in the backseat, sweaty skin sticking to the dark leather. cassian runs a hand through his hair before putting his pants back on. a cocky smirk graces his lips at the sight of your fucked out, tired body.

“You’re a fucking terrible cop. Fucking someone you’ve arrested is grounds for termination, you know,” you rasp out quietly after a moment of peaceful quiet, smiling when his smirk lessens as he rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You just better not let me run into you again. I’ll arrest your ass for real, understand?" he warns, his eyes boring into yours.

"I understand. And I’m sure you will, officer," you nod at him with a smile before gathering your belongings and getting ready to leave.

You kiss him one last time, a filthy, tongue-filled, teasing kiss before you open the door, leaving behind a flustered cop.

Of course, you would sell again. And you would do it especially in his patrol route.

Both him and the dick is far too interesting.

🏷️: @vbbaby-girl @i-am-a-lost-girl16 @azriels-shadowsinger @slut4acotar @clarencetonkin @cherryjain17 @stonerpersona @nobodyb183 @amara-moonlight @cadiawrites @aelinwya @justasillylittlegoofyguy @acourtoflostandwanderingstars @surielstea @cauldronboilmetakemetovelaris @glittervame @juniperberriesaries @bruhhvv @dlveenhassab @marigold-morelli @claireswritingcorner @redbleedingrose @readychilledwine @honeybeefae @danikamariewrites @blipy-blopy @sarawritestories

[longing-for-the-past-times]

Their reaction to seeing you reading

Task Force 141 x Reader headcanons

notes: I don't know if this was done before, but once I got the idea, I couldn't get it out of my head before writing it down. This is my first time writing headcanons, I hope I did the characters justice :). Let me know what you think about it!

find it on a03 masterlist

Captain 'John' Price

He is headed towards the lounging area after staying overtime because of due paperwork. It is already dark outside and, when he sees the lights on, he thinks someone just forgot them that way.

You may understand his surprised reaction when he sees you sitting cross-legged on the couch, a book in your hands.

“Nearly gave me a heart attack, kid!”

You give him a sheepish smile and hide your face behind the book, staying true to the principle: out of mind, out of sight. You didn’t mean to stay long - you just wanted to finish the chapter. But it ended in a cliffhanger so you had to at least begin the next chapter and the vicious cycle went on.

It doesn’t take him long to realise that you are, in fact, holding a book. And he can’t hide his grin when he figures you must have lost track of time because of it.

“Didn’t take you for a reader, kid!”, he raises an eyebrow as he joins you on the couch, his eyes drifting to the cover. “And certainly did not know you read classics!”

“Always full of surprises, Captain!”, you smile at him as you look around, searching for something. A triumphant smile graces your lips when you find the piece of crumpled paper, and you proceed to put it on the page you remained at, before closing the book.

Definitely asks you about the book you’re reading and what else you’ve read, proceeding to compare your literary preferences

He may not read as much as he did when he was younger, but he can and will boast with the filled bookshelves he has at home

Encourages your reading habits when you are at the base and brings you reading snacks when you decide to spend your evenings in the base’s lounging room, curled up with whatever book you’re reading at the moment

Might sometimes join you with a book of his own. Nobody dares to say anything about the two operators who occasionally spend their lunch break with their noses stuck in a book.

Lieutenant Simon "Ghost" Riley

Never been much of a reader as he simply did not have the time, or the available resources

So at first, he does not understand why you are sobbing by yourself in the kitchen, frantically highlighting something with a neon marker

Who did that to you? Did he need to hunt down someone?

It was when he got closer that he realised you were actually reading something and the content must have made you upset

No problem, he’ll track the writer down and-

"Oh, Ghost, didn’t see you there!", you looked up at him, a shy smile on your face.

He is at a loss for words and ends up nodding towards the open book: “Is it any good?”

“Well, I think it would be an insult to say Shakespeare is ‘just good’, don’t you think?”

All he’s thinking of are those literature classes he should have paid more attention to.

He quickly steers the conversation in another direction, asking you about training and whatnot. Something blooms in his chest when he sees you setting the book away in an instant, a warm smile gracing your features as you turn your attention towards him.

He spends the following evening researching Shakespeare’s works as much as he can. He’d caught a glimpse of the book you’d been reading, Hamlet, and he ends up ordering an annotated copy.

It takes him an entire week to get through it, but the look on your face when he asks you about the book is priceless.

You spend the entire afternoon talking about it (you talk, he mostly listens), and he was surprised he didn’t notice your reading habits earlier. When you talked about books, you could light up the room with your enthusiasm and passion.

Is the kind of man who would build you a bookshelf from scratch

“Your books wouldn’t fit in a standard bookshelf anyway. And I can paint the wood to match the tone of your walls.”

Sergeant John "Soap" MacTavish

The type of man that says he’ll wait for the movie to come out

And if there is a book adaptation, he'll definitely make you watch it with him to prove his point

You spend the next hours pointing out why the book was better than the movie, while he tries to convince you otherwise

Constantly teases you about your reading habits, but secretly, he loves to watch you read. The array of emotional states you seem to go through when reading fascinates him.

"Maybe we should start calling you Belle from now on, bonnie. You know, the Belle from Beauty and the Beast - the one who's always with her nose stuck in a book?"

One day a recruit decides to prank you and hides your current read in the men's showers.

Soap takes note of your distracted state, but doesn't push it. He knows you'll come to him when it feels right.

Until he stumbles upon what was left of your book when preparing to take a shower. He recognizes it only by the vibrant colour of the cover as the pages are wrinkled and illegible, due to the water exposure.

It does not take him long to find the culprit. He was too busy boasting about his "achievement" to his team-mates, in the locker room.

Soap makes sure he regrets his actions by assigning him to latrine duty for the following month.

He also makes it his personal mission to buy you another copy of the book. The only problem is that he does not remember the title. Or the author. Or the plot.

"It has this orange cover, with two people on it! And there's white text on it too!"

Safe to say, the librarian is unimpressed by his comprehensive description.

So he has to spend an entire night scrolling through an online library page to find it.

But it's all worth it in the end. He'll never forget the shocked expression on your face when he handed you the hastily wrapped book. Or the wide smile that spreads across your face, followed by a tight and warm hug.

He might buy you more books in the future, just to have you grin at him like that.

Sergeant Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

Like Ghost, he didn't particularly care for reading. It was not that he didn't like it, he just had other priorities

He wasn't even aware of your reading habits until you were both stuck in a safe house, waiting to be evacuated.

You were leaning against the wall, next to him, when you pulled a book out of your pocket.

He had to do a double take- why did you have a leatherbound book in your pocket? Were you carrying it throughout the entire mission? What if you got shot - was the leather thick enough to stop the bullet if it got past your tac vest?

"Gaz, you're staring."

"Just took me by surprise, love."

You playfully rolled your eyes at the endearment, your hand leafing through the pages.

He knew you could feel him watching you, but he couldn't help himself. He felt like he just unlocked a new part of your personality.

"Is it any good?"

"Do you want to read it?"

"I wouldn't mind you reading to me..."

Once again, you rolled your eyes in fake annoyance but complied with his request and went back to the beginning of the chapter.

The story was quite gripping, something about a rich bachelor who must be in search of a wife. Kyle tried to focus on the story, but he was more intent on enjoying your calm and soothing voice.

He unintentionally fell asleep and you did not realise until you felt the weight of his body leaning against your shoulder.

As retaliation, you forced him to join you on a trip to the library. He did not bother to hide the fact that he did not see it as a punishment, not when he knew it would make you happy.

He let you drag across the entire fiction section and patiently listened to you describing all the books you've read. He also took a lot of mental notes on the books you intended to read in the future- if only the covers did not look so similar!

Eventually discovers he's more of an audiobook person.

So he would listen to the novel you were currently reading, excited to meet with you at the end of the day and discuss it with you.

[indefenseofjoy]

Being Venezuelan is deeply lonely.

I suppose that being from any dictatorship or any country with a terrible conflict such as Palestine or Ukraine also is. But I’m only from Venezuela. So I can only speak to that experience.

You might be wondering why I am writing this in English. Well, because most people here speak English, and I don’t need to explain this to other Venezuelans.

So… allow me to continue.

Being Venezuela is deeply lonely.

Let’s start with the obvious, less controversial part of this statement. Most people leave. Over a third of our population has migrated. This means everyone, and I mean everyone, has many friends and family members living abroad. Many can’t return. Many can’t leave.  And until 25 years ago, we were the country that received migrants and refugees, not the one that produced them. So we are not emotionally prepared for this. I don’t even want to get into my specific situation. I’m sure it is not the worst, but it does isolate me a bit from my peers, even the most well-meaning and empathetic ones. And I’m sure it is not the worst one, but I hate it.

I also lived abroad for a year. Only a year though so I can’t claim to know the migrant experience. And I was lucky to live with my three best friends. But I imagine it is deeply lonely too.

Then let’s talk about the second, more controversial thing, but not the most. Living in a country with conditions such as ours is quite isolating. It is hard to relate to movies, to TV, to the foreigners you see in social media. Can’t find a film, TV show, musical… about living in hyperinflation, about a week long national blackout not caused by a natural disaster, political prisoners, exile… at least not depressing biopics or dystopia. Maybe that’s why I like Derry Girls so much….

And now the most controversial one. The world has turned its back on us. Our elections are stolen, our media censored, our children imprisoned and tortured, our indigenous people neglected and poisoned, a manmade humanitarian crisis…And whatnot. All of these because we are governed by a dictatorship, not some international sanctions. And some governments have expressed their support, but nothing goes further than that. And people complain that we are getting attention other problems should get, or we become jokes. We have to convince people that we are being oppressed, that we have the same right as anyone to fight for our democracy. But as we are not the perfect victim (and I could go on and on about that) we are on the receiving end of very dehumanizing speech.

And then you compare your situation to the USA were if one county in one state does something slightly wrong it sparks a global outrage. Then our entire country and its diaspora becomes the victim of massive human right violations, we become the bad guys.

And I just want you to compare that life experience.

And to top it all off, before you ask, I do have psychological assistance. And I’ve compared notes with other friends that also have the privilege of going to therapy. And our therapist are also going through this traumatic experience in real time. And they are sadly not well equipped to be dealing with this.

I am willing and able to help educate people on the topic of Venezuela. But tonight I just wanted to vent. So if you have questions or comments I will get to you, but maybe not right away.