#consider their financial situation. and also them as a character. like not every trans person wants to “”fully“” medically transition. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yonch · 5 months ago

Note

Omg can we hear about the tsukasa transition timeline Im quite curious and I love the transkasa headcanon (its canon to me 💔)

ABSOLUTELY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YAPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM PUTTING THIS UNDER A READ MORE!!!!!!!! ALSO!!!!!!!!! EXPLANATION FEATURES ARTWORK

let's start early childhood. i have an old drawing. here.

i think he figured out remarkably early that he wasn't a girl, partially because he's sheer dogshit at following social cues for audhd reasons, and partially because he watched a lot of tv marketed towards young boys (i'm mostly thinking tokusatsu). his ideal of masculinity was informed mostly by the heroes of those shows, i think. a hero who saves the day and makes people smile.

so he's a boy now. he tells his family and his dad instantly runs out of the house to go buy a kabuto helmet for his new son. his mom fixes his dogshit haircut that he gave himself. saki doesnt quite get it because she's like 3 but she's like ok he's oniichan now ^^ yipee! it's great.

his parents are really chill with it. he's young enough that he's never even gone to school yet, and he starts attending elementary school as a boy. he goes to a public middle school for One Year before saki collapses.

this is ENTIRELY MY "DOGSHIT HEADCANON" FROM HERE!!!!!!! because i WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think he ATTENDED MIYAMASUZAKA FOR THE REST OF MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!!!! he wanted to be able to keep saki in the loop since she went out of her way to apply and get accepted. and so he went and he attended under his deadname and he DIDN'T LIKE IT VERY MUCH. i also have a few draiwngs of this.

shizuku classmate arc. i also drew this one for fun. they didn’t know each other but i deeply enjoy mafukasa character foil

(i did decide eeventually to get rid of his hair danglies because i didnt want to encroach on sakichan territory too much. see below)

and then you know what he hits highschool and he realizes he'd literally rather do anything else but go back to miyajo. so he cuts his hair off and he applies for kamiyama "woke" municipal high school and it's great. i like to imagine miyajo is left with this longstanding mystery of "wait wasnt there a tenma in our grade" "what? no she's in the year under us" "no i mean she had like, blonde pink hair" "yeah tenma saki?" "no she was kind of loud" "yeah tenma saki" "shee played piano????" "yeah tenma saki" so nobody even knows. it's great

ok but anyways. he starts hrt just before high school because you're legally allowed to as a minor so long as you have parental permission in japan. i imagine he got his name changed legally at the same time also. he keeps it a secret from every single person on earth until he VISITS FLORIDA and he has to SHARE A ROOM with his FRIEND RUI and it would be DANGEROUS for him to be wearing a binder all day. it goes great because rui is normal about trans people. and you know what? rui’s also not entirely cis. so it’s great. tsukasa probably doesn’t mention it to emu or nene for a while after because he entirely forgets to. but that goes fine too.

either way. i imagine it’s a number of years later that tsukasa considers getting top. his acting career’s taking off and he’s getting to a point where he can’t just rubberhose animation his way through life. he’s dating rui at this point. kind of. rui’s dating him because tsukasa’s deeply aroace about it. honestly i think probably they’re engaged because tsukasa’s not the type to do things without complete and utter commitment. they’re gonna move to america soon and the health insurance situation there sucks ass so he takes a quick trip to thailand to get them lopped off. he moves to america and gets involved in broadway. they get married. they both get their respective big breaks soon after and find enough financial stability to consider supporting a family.

they’re roughly 25 or so when tsukasa has youchan. they move back to japan to take a break from the whole careershark thing. hime’s born a year later. and That’s About It. the rest is irrelevant to tukacha’s transition timeline because he’s Done. he’ll spend the rest of his life as a deeply binary trans man and then he’ll GET OLD AND SHRINK INTO A PRUNE AND DIE

thank you for reading. overall a lot of this is handwavy and there’s plenty of plot holes but it’s the best i could do to justify it. heart. see you later

#asks #anon #my drawings #neo tenma family

4 notes · View notes

maya-matlin · 1 year ago

Note

So sorry to bug you one more time, but I was dying to hear about what you think the differences and similarities between Drew and Bianca are too! I also would love to know what you see them both doing as careers. I feel like Drew would be such a good sports coach, maybe working to make sure trans kids were included as a tribute to Adam. As for Bianca, I always love that she was academically talented - maybe a teacher?

I'll have to think about Drew and Bianca because as much as I love them, they're two more characters that I rarely break down. Obviously, they come from very different worlds. It's unclear what the Torres family's financial status is, but Mr. Torres is a lawyer and they never seem to struggle with money. And though the specifics of Bianca's background are unclear due to Degrassi's recurring classism problem, the fact she finds herself involved with Vince and Anson and KC is easily able to understand her situation implies she grew up in a poorer area, probably not unlike Zig. Both Drew and Bianca overcompensated for their weaknesses or setbacks by leaning into their more charismatic, confident sides to get attention. But while Drew was a popular jock who could get dates, it seemed like Bianca's reputation resulted in her mostly having sexual encounters and not really being considered girlfriend material. At least not until Drew, but only after he somewhat understood what it was like to be an outcast. Not that it was executed well at all. The whole "gross by association" thing only lasted two seconds and wasn't even consistent with how Drew seemed to be perceived during the previous block of episodes. Bianca is very book smart and naturally gifted at academics. Drew was never a great student. Once Bianca was given the encouragement and the means to view higher learning as a possibility, she jumped at it. It's not stated whether or not Drew planned to go to college, but probably not? Every time we get a hint of Drew's life post high school, his career options are mainly things that don't require a degree. Drew was successful when working at the mall kiosk because he was great at handling the customers. Later, Drew and Dallas made plans to start their own party planning business. The main thing he needed was connections to make that a possibility, which he managed to get from Mr. Hollingsworth. Both are pretty outgoing, though I'd say Drew is the more extroverted of the two. Presumably, both view marriage and a family as their eventual end goals. When I break it down like this, they're actually pretty similar. It's just that their energy and personal interests differ.

Whatever Drew does, he'd want to work with people. I love the idea of Drew becoming a coach, but I see that as more of a side gig. When he and Bianca inevitably had kids, he'd want to be involved in their school stuff and probably be on the school board much like his mother was. As for his day job, I could see him successfully running a party planning business. If he becomes a hit with wealthy people, there's no reason to think he couldn't have that as a career. As for Bianca, I'm torn between her going into law and becoming a social worker. I think she'd want something stable and would do well defending criminals. But at the same time, I could also see Bianca wanting to give back and get involved with troubled kids much like she used to be. It could go either way for me.

#Anonymous

3 notes · View notes

spectrumed · 4 years ago

Text

7. identity

The aesthetic of suffering, the allure of victimhood, it’s important to acknowledge that to many people, the idea of struggling with mental illness is hot. A common trope in teen dramas is the existence of the sexy bad boy haunted by demons of depression or addiction or some other psychological malady. Women with mental illness tend to be sexualised, less, but then again, women are most typically always sexualised, no matter the state of their mental health. But it’s not just a case of some people finding mental illness to be attractive in others, many see mental illness in themselves as something to take pride in, to celebrate and nurture. To seek out a diagnosis, to infiltrate communities that exist to provide support to those in need, and to declare themselves as being special. Fakers, you could call them. Yes, we’re going to be entering into dangerous grounds here, talking about a potentially incendiary topic that might feed the flames of controversy, but it’s a topic worth discussing. Self-diagnosis. Is self-diagnosis valid or not? Should one self-diagnose? Is it ableism to be against self-diagnosis? Is it ableism to be for self-diagnosis? Is it ableism itself ableist? I don’t know, sweetheart, you are asking a whole bunch of questions and I am hungover… But let’s go on rambling about what it means to be labelled neurodivergent.

Do you have an identity? Do you root for a particular sports team? Do you like a particular kind of music? Do you dance a lot? Are you a dancer? What are you? Simply stating that you’re just “a human” probably won’t do. Sure, it’s correct, but I am also a human, and we could be two very different kinds of people. Your identity should be that certain something that makes you stand apart from the rest, that distinguishes you from the squirming mass of flesh that is the whole of humanity. There are plenty of things about you that do figure in your identity, even though you wish it didn’t. You’re black, you don’t wish to always be “that black guy over there,” but you’ve come to realise that’s just how society views you. Maybe you are a transwoman, and you very eagerly want your friend to stop introducing you as her “trans bestie.” You’re just a woman, you don’t need her to keep labelling you as trans, even though that's what you are. There are many ways we can change our identity through direct personal action. Maybe you could start wearing a hat, and be known as “that hat guy” to the people you work with. Maybe you could embrace a punk aesthetic, looking like young Johnny Rotten stepped into a time machine and got transported to the current day. Actions like these can have a big or small impact on how others see you, but it feels good to be able to make a decision like that and get a response. This is me, this is what I am. I’m the guy who wears bow-ties, don’t I look cool? If only shaping your sense of self always came down to personal decisions like that. You don’t always have a choice.

I’ve lately been watching some Conan O’Brien (American TV talk show host who’s recently decided not to be a TV talk show host) clips. I am sure I don’t need to explain who Conan O’Brien is to my readers, but just in case this is being read by aliens ten-thousand years from now, what I can tell you is that Conan O’Brien is well known for being freakishly tall. Like, really tall. He’s an elongated leprechaun. He’s turned being tall into one of his trademarks. Like many comedians, he’s come to use his corporeal form as a source for levity and fun. While, naturally, the man did not choose to grow as tall as he did, he’s come around to use his height not as a hindrance to success, but rather as an asset. He’s “that tall irish guy on the TV,” and he’s been that person for nearly thirty years. It pays to have some distinguishing feature if you wish to be distinguished. Mr. Joe Average might be perfectly funny and charming, but being an average-looking guy can be wholly detrimental in making a career for yourself as a funnyman. At least get yourself some weird voice, or something. Maybe pretend to be some foreigner and put on a fake accent. As a comedian your job is to be exploited, you wish to be made into a commodity to be sold. People will want to watch your special because of that funny face you pull in the thumbnail. To be different can be financially lucrative.

What’s the best approach in turning something that could be perceived as an abnormal feature into something that is beneficial to you? To make jokes about it? Certainly, if I were to meet a man with a heavily scarred face, I feel there’d likely be a tension between me and him that could be dispelled if that man with the heavily scarred face made some little joke about his appearance, some little quip. “I’m sorry, I cut myself shaving this morning,” would do. The person isn’t obliged to justify his existence to me, he does not have to go out of his way to make me feel less uncomfortable. I am the one in the wrong, certainly. I shouldn’t look at a person with a heavily scarred face and feel uncomfortable, that’s me letting prejudices get in the way, I know that. But, it is what it is. If you’re looking for a practical solution, telling people to simply get over themselves and learn to not be so awkward around folks with physical deformities won’t do. It may be the right thing, but it’s not going to happen any time soon. I am sure that the man with the heavily scarred face isn’t interested in being defined by his heavily scarred face. He's probably sick and tired of that little joke, and wish he didn’t have to make it. But it does the job. Suddenly, you are not looking at something to be feared, the other, you are looking at a person, and someone with a sense of humour. The importance of humour in eradicating stigma, making it possible for the ostracised to enter in society, cannot be understated. Through humour, you can convince most everyone that you are someone worthy of inclusion, because… well, you’re just a funny guy, who doesn’t wanna hang out with you?

For those who have grown up not feeling normal, worrying that there are aspects of your character that others may perceive as unwanted, the yearning to be liked can at times become excruciating. I like to consider myself a funny person, while this blog isn’t intended to be a humorous one, occasionally small little jokes will squirm their way to the top, like worms coming up to the surface during a rainstorm. I am also a cartoonist, and produce a new cartoon every other day. My humour isn’t universal, no good humour ever is universal, but it’s done good in getting some folks to like me. Some people want to be admired, some people want to be feared. I only want to be liked. The one thing I absolutely do not want to be is pitied. I don’t want your pity, I fear your pity.

You’re probably familiar with The Sims, right? It’s a life simulation game, where you control a little digital human, known as a sim, and try to help them make the right decision through life. Each sim has a number of meters that measures their current needs. Hunger, hygiene, energy, if they need to urinate or defecate (though, frankly, the distinction between the two isn’t made in the game, so one can assume that sims are like birds and have just one cloaca that does both,) and so on. One of these meters is for social activities. If a sim hasn’t been social in a while, they go nutty. What’s interesting here, the reason why I bring it up, is that in real life, though we all (to a lesser or greater degree) crave to socialise with others, what kind of socialising you do is of a very big importance. There are a myriad of ways in which one can be social, and depending on your needs at the time, one kind of socialising may not do, whereas another kind of socialising may be just what you need. Do you want to hang out with your pals, cracking jokes and maybe drinking a couple of beers? Do you want to have a serious conversation with your partner about what you wish to accomplish together? Do you want to play with your dog? These different social situations scratch different parts of your mind, and you can’t just substitute one for the other and think that’s all alright. A person may have tonnes of friends, lots of buddies to spend their time with, but they may still desperately be yearning for another kind of social interaction, one that none of their friends can deliver. The human need for company is more complex than how it is depicted in The Sims… which, to be fair, probably shocks nobody. The Sims doesn’t pretend that it’s some highly realistic simulation of real life, it’s a game meant to be played for fun. But what’s important here is the fact that while humans do have a need to be social, how that need is fed changes dramatically on the person, and their conditions. Socialising that may bring comfort to one person, may bring discomfort to another person.

I don’t want you to pity me. I may list my diagnoses, I may tell you of the difficulties that I face in life, but I do not want you to feel sorry for me. I want you to be entertained reading this, I don’t want to make you weep thinking about how cruel life can be. I don’t want you thinking I’m special, or different, because of my diagnoses. I want you to think I’m special and different because of my writing. Sure, this blog is about living with autism spectrum disorder, but I don’t want you reading this blog just because it’s about autism spectrum disorder. I want you to read this because, while it is about a diagnosis you are interested in learning more about, you also find what I write to be well-written and at times, mildly humorous. This blog isn’t my rabid manifesto detailing all the ways my life sucks, and what must be done by society to appease me. Nah, I’m doing relatively fine, don’t feel bad for me, please. I don’t want that kind of attention. I do want attention, I won’t lie and tell you that I don’t have an ego, or that I don’t get pleased seeing people like the things I put out there. I do have a social need, it’s just that being pitied does not do it for me. It doesn’t make me feel good. It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel sad. It really makes me feel mad.

We’re finally getting around to the topic I promised I would discuss. Self-diagnosis. A principal concern people have with self-diagnosis is that people only self-diagnose in order to receive pity from others. The difference between someone like me, who’s got a proper official diagnosis, and someone who is self-diagnosed, is that I don’t want your pity. I don’t want you to fetishise my diagnosis, this thing about me that I did not choose to be. I don’t want special favours just because of my diagnosis, I don’t want to be known as “that cartoonist with autism.” I am autistic, I’ve come to accept that, but I don’t want anyone to introduce me as “their friend who’s on the spectrum.” Some may accuse me of self-loathing, treating being autistic like some bad thing that I am ashamed of. But that’s not it. After all, I did start this blog to discuss what it is like. I just don’t want to be defined by this certain something that lies outside of my control. I don’t want it to be my “thing.” I don’t mind being referred to as a hairy cartoonist, because I am pretty hairy. I don’t want to cut my hair any time soon (especially with this plague going around.) No-one would pity me just because I am hairy. At most they may regard me as a good-for-nothing beatnik, and I’m okay with that. Ideally, I still want to be liked, but anything is better than being pitied. To be pitied is to be robbed of your own agency, your own potential. Sure, it gets you that attention you may be craving, but at the cost of infantilization. Autistic people often struggle with being infantilized by society, to the point where some folks don’t even realise that there are autistic grown-ups in the world. Anyone who would voluntarily seek out a diagnosis just to be pitied, well… it doesn’t sit right with me. It makes me, quite frankly, feel demoralised.

But not all people self-diagnose just to get pity from others, right? For some it’s genuinely their only option, likely living in a barely-functioning country like the United States where receiving psychiatric care is expensive and it’s just not something they can afford. It’s unfair of me to phrase self-diagnosing as just a quest to receive pity, it’s way more complicated than that. And yes, I’d have to agree. To know all the reasons why a person may self-diagnose, you have to go personally ask them. Even if it is possible to highlight a few certain trends, things that they all have in common, it’s bound to be impossible to make this one sweeping generalisation to explain everything. All I am saying is that there absolutely are those people who do self-diagnose with the explicit goal of getting pitied. Whether they are knowingly faking their condition or not, to them, being pigeonholed as a person with autism isn’t at all a negative. It’s their identity. It is how they have chosen to let the world see them. They made a choice. They chose this label. This is why many people who have official diagnoses are sceptical of those who've only got a self-diagnosis. Whether your self-diagnosis is accurate or not, in the end, you chose to identify yourself with it. You made a decision, oblivious of the fact that many people don’t get to make that kind of a decision, and they may bear resentment for how you are turning something they’ve faced ostracization for, into what is potentially on the same level as listening to a certain kind of music, or being a supporter of a sports team. A diagnosis is not something you should choose to have.

There are other things to say about self-diagnosis. First of all, it can be dangerous. Some of the diagnoses I’ve seen people give themselves are really serious, things like personality disorders or psychosis. Psychiatrists are very careful when putting these kinds of labels on people, knowing the harm that it can do. A diagnosis is meant to only be given after careful deliberation, and after long conversations with the patient. Psychiatrists know that reducing a person to a set of symptoms can have detrimental effects to that person’s sense of self. If you’re trying to cling on to a diagnosis, seeing it as a major part of your identity, then that may hamper any attempts you make to become a better person, to improve your mental health. You will feel as if you need to correspond to the exact specifications of the disorder, and you will not allow yourself to grow naturally as a complicated human being, a human being whose internal life is far too vast to be fully rounded up with some psychiatric jargon. There are plenty of things about me that do not line up with the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder, and guess what, that’s quite good actually. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have autism, I very much do, but I realise that as a person, I am more than just my diagnosis. The diagnosis does not define me, I define the diagnosis. If you self-diagnose, do you comprehend all that you are getting yourself into? Are you going to find yourself in psychological traps that will only serve to worsen your mental health? It’s hard to look at yourself objectively, you could easily be misrepresenting yourself inside your own mind. You may effectively be locking parts of yourself away, making it so you are no longer able to see the full you. You will no longer be all there, you will be segmented in favour of upholding the defining marks of a diagnosis that doesn’t suit you.

Instead of self-diagnosing, try doing a self-assessment. Keep in mind that, while you may have this diagnosis, it’s too early to say for sure. You’re going to need somebody else’s input. You’ll need to sit with it for a while to see if it sticks. Keep an open mind, realise that there’s no easy way to explain exactly who you are, or what you are like. It’s very possible that you will come to realise that you are in fact autistic, or have whatever other diagnosis you may suspect describes you. I, after all, came to the conclusion that I was autistic before I got the diagnosis (though, I was going to therapy at that point, and I was on the way to undergo a neuropsychiatric evaluation.) It’s not bad to try and get to understand yourself, don’t come out of this thinking that self-reflection is only possible with a psychiatrist looming over you, telling you how to think about things. We all need to come to certain conclusions over how we self-identify, and sometimes you need to take mental leaps to explain certain things. Just don’t feel as if your best option is to put a label on yourself that can potentially negatively affect your psychological well-being. If you are truly searching for understanding, if your goal is to find out more about yourself, you should act with caution and concern for what you are doing. If all you are looking for is to have people pity you, then… well… I don’t know what to say, really…

#neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autism spectrum disorder #autism #aspergers #mental health #diagnosis

16 notes · View notes

phcking-detective · 6 years ago

Text

5. Bad Habits

Fic Title: First Blood

Rating: E

Length: 5/33 chapters, ~128k

Tags: Slow Burn, Idiots to Lovers, Trans Character (gavin), Autistic / Asexual / Non-binary Character (nines), BDSM, learning to use good etiquette and safe words, Dom Nines / Sub Gavin, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort

Chapter Tags: Gavin acts like a sleazy corrupt asshole to get another sleazy corrupt asshole to drop his guard, (it’s kind of hot), banter, so much banter in this one, Nines says Creepy Things, dumb idiots flirting without realizing they’re flirting, Nines saves pictures of Gavin’s dumb cute face when he laughs

Link on AO3

***

Senator McAshlynn Dernham [CEO: Synergy Paradigm] acquiesces to an interview with Detective Reed, but his heartbeat picks up to ninety-one BPM when Nines steps into his office as well.

Downtown view, fifty-second floor. Eight hundred and sixty-five square feet--nearly a hundred more than Reed's apartment. Minimalist furniture, a display of signed sports balls, and a jade paperweight shaped like a turtle valued at over four thousand dollars.

It would make an excellent bludgeoning tool.

"Detective Reed." Senator McAshlynn stands up from his desk and meets Reed halfway in the room. "Come in, have a seat."

They shake hands. Reed exerts an estimated fifty-six pounds of pressure on the handshake. Senator McAshlynn's grip strength does not exceed thirty pounds. He tries to hide a grimace, but the one facial expression Nines can reliably detect is pain.

"Sit down, sit down. What can I do for you, detective?"

Nines is not offered a greeting or a seat. It would hurt all zero of his feelings, except no talking and no physical contact is how he prefers to interact with humans. He stands behind Reed while the detective sprawls out in the offered chair.

"Just have a couple of financial questions for you, Mr. McAshlynn," Reed says.

"Oh no, McAshlynn isn't my last name," Senator McAshlynn replies. He grips the back of his chair with an estimated thirty-two pounds of strength. "Senator McAshlynn is my first name, both of them. My last name is Dernham."

"Right."

Detective Reed performed fairly extensive research on Senator Ashlynn Dernham (limited as he is by his lack of neural connection to the internet) before their arrival. Despite being fully aware of the not-senator's two first names situation, he lets the silence drag on for thirty-six seconds before clicking his tongue and continuing.

"I only need to confirm a few things about Mr. Russell's finances, and then we'll go."

Senator McAshlynn's BPM ticks up to ninety-four. "I'm not sure why that would interest you or be relevant to me. Russell personally made those investments with money given directly to him by his … investors. Although he did found this company, I can assure you, Synergy Paradigms remained completely uninvolved and unaware of--"

"Yeah, yeah." Detective Reed waves his hand. "Relax, I'm not here to bust your balls, and I don't care. I just gotta make sure Russell really did have plenty of motive to commit suicide."

"Is there something questionable about shooting himself in the head?" Senator McAshlynn asks.

Reed shrugs. He pulls out his phone and scrolls through a takeout ordering app. Nines can hear the other human begin to grind his teeth, and pinpoint the exact moment he begins inhaling in order to speak again. Even with his limited human senses, Detective Reed somehow senses this precise moment as well.

"Look, the media's making this into a big shitstorm out there, all right?" he says. "Didn't think I needed to tell you that. I just wanna make sure I'm covering my own ass, and I get that you want to do the same. No problem. Like I said, you answer some questions about <I>his</i> finances, and we leave."

Senator McAshlynn considers. "All right. I may be able to do that."

"Cool. Like I said, I'm not here to bust your balls." Reed's reflection in the wall-to-ceiling windows in front of him gives a smile even Nines can recognize as sleazy. "Guy's already dead. If you work with me here, I don't mind working with you."

Senator McAshlynn's BPM begins to fall, and he smiles back at Reed. "I'm always happy to assist the DPD, but. As you said, Russel is already dead. I'm not sure what's left for you to work with."

"Mmm." Reed puts his phone away and tilts back in the chair until the back of it rests against Nines' abdomen. "Well, my partner here has done some digging into Russell's finances. Did you know his bank account has been hemorrhaging money this last month?"

"I was not aware of that, no."

"Yep. And here's the really interesting part--he pinged the IP of some other android messing around in there."

That is so inaccurate Nines almost corrects him on sheer principle. He deactivates his voice box though, both to halt that immediate impulse and to prevent interrupting in a conversation that clearly won't involve him.

"Again, I'm not sure how that's relevant to this company," Senator McAshlynn says.

Reed shrugs. "Doesn't matter. You and I both know the media is going to drag Russell's name through the mud and into the spotlight for as long as they can milk it--and they're going to keep mentioning Synergy Paradigms while they do it. Makes for a better story."

"Well, I would certainly like to avoid that." Senator McAshlynn smiles at him again. The action barely involves his lips. "I don't suppose you know an especially talented PR agent?"

"I know large sums of missing money plus a mysterious android equals a damn good story," Reed replies. "So if there's anything you know about that, now's a good time to let me know."

"Is it?"

"I'm not looking to arrest anyone in a suicide. And if some unsavory shit comes up--you know, the kind that would stay on the ten'o'clock for the next month--maybe my partner here deletes some stuff. Maybe I let you know about it, so you get some closure on your dear friend's death."

Senator McAshlynn stays silent as he considers it. Detective Reed lets his chair drop back down to the floor with a loud thunk in the quiet room.

"But in another minute now, I'm gonna go interview that reporter who broke the story," he says with a smile that only serves to show his teeth. "So like I said. Right now is a good time to start working with me."

Senator McAshlynn takes a seat. "What can I do for you, detective?"

Nines saves the smile Reed gave to his most encrypted folder. It shares several points of similarity to his own facial expression categorized as [hostilesmile-murder]. He places the file next to the zoomed view of Gavin's nipples he attempted to delete two weeks earlier.

"Do you know where Russell's money disappeared to this last month?" Detective Reed asks.

Senator McAshlynn sighs. "No. If Russell got into escorts or red ice, I never saw any of it. And even if he did, there's no reason for his indiscretions to drag this company down with him."

"Sure," Reed says. "My partner and I are going to do some digging. See what we find."

"I don't suppose you could be persuaded to … take a holiday?" Senator McAshlynn asks.

Reed clicks his tongue. "Not how this works. And I might not know any PR agents, but I have heard it's better to get ahead of stories before they break. Know what shit stinks in your own house 'n all."

"I might like to know what the hell Russell was doing," Senator McAshlynn admits. "But maybe I'd like it better if no one knew. If we all just, dropped this whole matter?"

"Mmm."

Reed takes his phone back out and takes his time choosing from the menu of the Chinese restaurant closest to the precinct. Nines adds a side of fried vegetables and rice to his order of Chicken Kung Pao (spicy).

While Gavin works at increasing the CEO's stress levels, Nines continues syncing with the smart desk. As soon as Senator McAshlynn rested his hands on its surface, the handprint scanner activated and unlocked the interface, although it stays resting on the set screensaver of mahogany wood.

Nines doesn't alter anything or open any files. He doesn't need to. Senator McAshlynn's calendar, contacts, and social media feeds are set up to sync automatically with all of his devices.

It's simple enough to copy the handprint from the scanner and convince the "smart" desk that he himself is one of those devices.

"Oh, yeah. See." Reed says when Senator McAshlynn begins tapping his twelve hundred dollar pen. "The money? Yeah, maybe that's old news. It was all a Ponzi scheme anyway. But the android …"

Reed lets out a long sigh and tips his seat back again.

"What android?" Senator McAshlynn snaps.

"The one messing around in Russell's finances," Reed says. "Traces of it in his loft too. Can't just let that go."

Senator McAshlynn lays both hands on either side of his desk. Human body language is as chaotic and individual as every human, but this gesture clearly reflects a threatened animal attempting to look bigger than it really is. The motion also places his right hand closer to the portion of the desk's touch screen devoted to summoning security.

Nines tells that particular program to begin an update. The entire smart desk will now need to be restarted in order for the program to function.

"And why not?"

Reed reaches up and taps backwards against Nines' chest. "Say something creepy."

"Jade is porous."

"What are you talking about?" Senator McAshlynn asks, very firmly maintaining eye contact only with Reed.

"Your paperweight would make an excellent bludgeoning tool, but jade is porous," Nines says. "The blood would absorb and stain. Useful for a murder itself, but a liability afterward."

"God, you never disappoint," Reed says as the other human's face pales. "They gave him all this info and programming on solving crimes without ever stopping to think about what reverse engineering means. Takes a special kind of hand to manage him."

Nines deactivates his voice box once more. The problem with custom-building a social module is that he can only learn from his environment. The second problem is that the only human he regularly interacts with is Gavin Reed.

[dialogue options: AVAILABLE]

:Yeah, I bet your hand is real special to you.:

:I gave a special hand to your mom last night.:

:You can catch these special hands in the parking lot.:

"Are you threatening me?" Senator McAshlynn demands.

His finger presses down on the incognito security alert. A dialogue box pops up on the table informing him of the necessary restart, ruining the illusion of real wood.

Reed scoffs while he scrambles to close the notification. "I don't care about you enough to do that. It's only the android we're after. Any LM one hundreds, PJ five or six hundreds, or WB five hundreds you seen around Russel?"

"LM—a personal assistant?" Senator McAshlynn looks up from his desk. "No, Russell didn't have one of those. I don't even know what the other two are."

"University lecturer and financial accountant."

Senator McAshlynn huffs. "No. And for the last time detective, this isn't relevant to me or my company."

"All right." Detective Reed stands up. "Thanks for your time, Mr. McAshlynn."

"It's Dernham. Please leave or I will have my security team escort you out," Mr. McAshlynn informs them.

"Two GJ five hundreds and a refurbished GS two hundred." Nines nods his head toward the desk. "Is that paperweight for sale?"

"Get out!"

***

"God that was great. You really fucking asked him if it was for sale."

Gavin is still so pleased about getting kicking out of Synergy Paradigm, he lets Nines control his truck from the passenger's seat. Nines keeps the speed a steady five miles over the limit like his partner prefers and passes him a pack of the regular, non-marijuana cigarettes he smokes while on duty.

"Did you get a picture of his face?"

Nines sends the file to his cellphone. Gavin checks it immediately when it dings, then shoots him a wide smile. Nines saves a picture of that too before he's aware of making the decision to do so. He now has fifty-four pictures of Gavin saved for purposes other than building a databank of facial expressions. Anything more than three is a pattern.

A habit.

"Anything else?" the detective asks. "Wait, if you fucked with his table, don't tell me. Anything you got from that is inadmissible in court, and if there's any chance you might get caught, don't do that shit anymore."

"If there is any chance I might get caught," Nines repeats back to him. "Hypothetically, what if Senator McAshlyn's cell phone--"

He tries to put the right amount of emphasis in his voice to imply air quotes. It is difficult to preconstruct which syllables to stress and in what order. Gavin stares blankly at him. He tries raising his volume by ten percent.

"His cell phone."

Gavin suddenly huffs and rolls his eyes. "Jesus, yeah, OK. If his cell phone did …?"

"Connected to his smart desk and automatically synced to his calendar, contacts, and social media feeds."

"And anyone looking into the like, syncing history or whatever, would confirm his cell phone was the only device to connect to his smart desk about ten minutes ago?"

"Correct."

"OK, hypothetically speaking," Gavin says. "If there's no chance of getting caught--and keep in mind that would mean our whole case could get thrown out and lots of lawyers and Fowler screaming about privacy violations and IA jumping on the chance to fuck over their very first android …"

"Understood."

"If there's no chance of getting caught, that shit is still a slippery fucking slope and you shouldn't risk it."

Nines stares at the human's face, trying to determine if he is being that aspect of [sarcastic] that is not meanly saying the opposite of what he really thinks, but is still saying the opposite in order to [cover his own ass].

"Anyway." Gavin clears his throat. "On a totally unrelated note, do you have a hunch about anything?"

"A hunch."

"Yeah. Like, a gut feeling you can't really explain to me in--"

"Oh."

Gavin clears his throat again.

"I do not believe Senator McAshlynn Dernham was close friends with Maverick Russell," Nines says. "I do not believe the two planned to meet with each other within the last two weeks or the next fortnight."

"You fucking had to say fortnight. Pull over, I have a dance I want to show you."

Nines locks the passenger door. "My 'gut instinct' is that Senator McAshlynn has in fact been distancing himself from the victim for several months now and likely thought Russell was a bad investor, desperate to be liked, and only got lucky mooching off of his co-founders' talents and his father's inheritance when founding Synergy Paradigms."

"That's all your gut instinct, huh?"

"Social media accounts are public knowledge, and I have the processing power to review literally everything Senator McAshlynn has ever made publicly available online. He has not been discreet about his feelings. That is my assessment of them."

"You remember what I said about staying out of my life?" Gavin asks.

"Yes, detective." Nines does not sigh, because that would be redundant. "I am not to access your medical history or background information."

"Just keep that in mind."

"I am affixing a permanent post-it note to my field of vision right now."

"Fuck off. Is there anything else I need to know about?"

Nines considers. "Do you need the video and audio I recorded?"

Gavin actually does sigh, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "What the fuck did you record?"

"Technically speaking, I am always recording."

"This whole fucking conversation is justifying every bit of my goddamn paranoia about androids, you know that, right?"

"Humans may also acquire go-pros."

"So you admit that's what you are."

"Do you wish for me to upload the video and audio recording of our walk through the interior of Synergy Paradigms to your terminal or not, detective?"

"Yeah, sure." Gavin takes a long drag of his cigarette while he thinks. "I mean, I was right fucking there with you though. I saw everything you did."

"True," Nines admits. "You did see everything I did, but you do not possess the ability to review that video with perfect recall. My hearing is also significantly more advanced than yours, and I recorded audio from humans on the first and second floors, as well as the fifty-first, fifty-second, and fifty-third, within an approximate three to five office radius."

Gavin nearly lets the cigarette drop from his open mouth. "Holy shit. Uhhh, yeah, sure. Fuckers in a company like that gotta be gossiping about what happened. Maybe we'll pick something up."

The majority of the audio is, in fact, gossip. Nines has already processed and reviewed it of course, but he is also aware his lack of a social module and general understanding of humans must necessarily limit his ability to determine the relevance of what he's heard.

Personally, he would declare it all irrelevant. "Petty gossip" does not even begin to describe how asinine and crude the humans' dialogue is. It's all about who has been fucking whom, who is climbing the corporate ladder, and who is fucking whom in order to climb the corporate ladder.

The entire experience of walking through one [1] human corporation has justified every bit of his disgust for humans.

Still, Nines will transfer the files to the detective's workplace terminal via direct connection once they arrive back at the precinct. So far, there is nothing currently illegal about his advanced hearing and "privacy violations." And technically, anything in plain sight or said within hearing of an officer may be admitted in court as evidence.

It just so happens that Nines's sight and hearing have a bit wider scope than current laws predicted.

Gavin works on nursing his cigarette down to a nub for the next several minutes without speaking. When he taps the backs of his knuckles against his window, Nines rolls it down for him. They're moving slowly enough through the city traffic for him to ash his cigarette out the window. The cold air whipping through puts a red flush on his face as he smokes and blows it out the window.

"But seriously," the human continues after a few minutes of quiet driving. "If I ever get like that for real, knife me in the back of the neck. Straight through all of that good brain-spine stuff."

Nines runs several preconstructions. While monitoring other police officers isn't part of his mission, he was created to serve as a form of Internal Affairs. RK800s to track down the deviants and RK900s to monitor the eights.

(His [pride] pushes the idea that he is more akin to Military Police, but that is irrelevant to the preconstructions and possibly a deviant thought pattern.)

Still, Nines is aware a not-insignificant number of police officers commit errors ranging from abusing their authority to planting evidence to outright working alongside criminals for profit. Even Detective Reed has shown a propensity to skirt right along the edge of what is legal--or not technically illegal.

His assumed persona at Synergy Paradigms seems to have illustrated crossing the line however, so Nines categorizes those behaviors as [unacceptable] in his system and updates his own action-paths accordingly.

The preconstructions of killing or permanently disabling Detective Reed still fail.

But his partner is designated as his [human partner] within his system, and there may be dormant programming preventing Nines from causing serious harm to him.

"I will inform you that your behavior is no longer acceptable," Nines tells him. "If you continue after my warning, then I will neutralize you."

Gavin takes a long drag off his cigarette and gives him the facial equivalent of the :eyes: emoji. Not an apologetic look as Nines originally interpreted, but an expression known as "side-eyeing." His extensive collection of saved images focused on Gavin's face has given Nines a much higher rate of success at interpreting his partner's nonverbal signals than the average human.

"Didn't take you for the type to give warnings," Gavin finally says.

"Well." Nines practices shrugging. "It takes a special hand to manage me."

Gavin snorts out smoke. "Fuck. Did I really sound that stupid?"

[dialogue options: AVAILABLE]

"I estimate your hand is very special to you, detective."

That earns him another snort. Eighty-three chance of [amusement].

"I gave a special hand to your mother yesterday evening."

"Hope you didn't bother paying for that shit."

"You may receive these special hands at a Denny's parking lot of your choice."

That finally makes Gavin laugh, long and loud enough that he starts coughing. He flips Nines off around a wheeze, still grinning. Nines watches him keep smoking and adds to his collection of saved images.

It's a very bad habit.

***

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33

I also have a Patreon for this fic, if you want to support me! $1 gets you access to chapters a week early, $2 gets bonus content and deleted scenes, and $3 gets short chapters from two AUs I’m writing: an A/B/O heatfic and reverse!AU

#reed900 #reed900 fic #gavin reed #dbh #dbh fic #ch 5 #my writing #writing #the ao3 fic is up to ch 10 but I'm slowly getting caught up posting them here too!

10 notes · View notes

ellenesh-blog · 5 years ago

Text

The other 15% may be the heavier heroin users

RIT (18 14 6) has made a habit of knocking off teams it isn't supposed to. The Tigers, who defeated Robert Morris for the Atlantic Hockey championship, started a run to the 2010 Frozen Four with an upset of Denver (in Albany) and last season defeated the tournament's No. 1 overall seed, Minnesota State, in South Bend, Ind..

wholesale nfl jerseys from china The other 15% may be the heavier heroin users. Our absolute estimates are undoubtedly low, but I think we're picking up the trends. And I don't see any trends of that sort.". Blueberries prefer the acidic soil at the edge of the swamp and ripen in July and August. Wild strawberries are ready in June, wholesale jerseys and red raspberries in July; both prefer the sunny power line cut. Built by the local 4 H Club in 1975, the trail has been blazed recently and is well maintained by volunteers. wholesale nfl jerseys from china

Cheap Jerseys china The eccentric hermit is an Eastern European immigrant who eats onions like their apples and chooses to live without contemporary technology. He shares with Andy his unique brand of folklore and superstition. Meanwhile, the town is planning on building Onion John a new house with all the latest furnishings, Cheap Jerseys from china thinking they are doing the right thing. Cheap Jerseys china

cheap nfl jerseys The Bramsons, court papers said, set up bogus "shell corporations" whose main purpose was to move insurance premiums to hundreds of off shore bank accounts in such countries as Luxembourg, Panama and the Cayman Islands.In his plea agreement, Bramson admitted that he tried to transfer $348,000 in the fall of 1990 from a Dean Witter account in theUnited States to New World Bank Ltd. In Zurich, cheap nfl jerseys Switzerland. Trans Pacific had insured the New Jersey nurses along with 52,000 other nurses across the country.Violating basic rulesBut Trans Pacific, like the numerous other Bramson companies, were in violation of basic rules because the insurers had not obtained licenses in each state and hadn't put millions of dollars in reserve to protect policyholders.And when claims arrived, the Bramsons almost always refused to pay them, court papers said.A court appointed receiver, Maryland First Financial Services Corp. cheap nfl jerseys

wholesale jerseys from china Homeowners after spray foam installation. These complaints range from lingering odours in the home, asthma, coughing, and other respiratory related complaints, eye/throat irritations and headaches.Look at your insulation options, www.cheapjerseyschinatrade.com and choose the insulation that best suits your needs. The EPA suggests that individuals with a history of skin conditions, respiratory allergies, asthma, or prior isocyanate sensitization should carefully review product information when considering the use of Spray Polyurethane Foam products and may want to consider alternatives.Carefully research review sites for independent opinions of contractorsBeware of cheap spray foam quotes spray foam is tricky and expensive to applyIf you do choose Spray Foam, make sure to stay out of your home for least 24 hours after installationCanada has established standards for both the product (CAN/ULC s705.1) and the installation (CAN/ULC 2705.2) of spray foam; make sure your product has CCMC certification and check photo ID that your Installer is Certified and Licensed.. wholesale jerseys from china

nfl jerseys Labour's apologists for terror: The Mail accuses Corbyn. Cheers! Resilient Londoners are back drinking as Borough. Woman 'brawled on the floor with her female friend after. www.cheapjerseyschina8.com It also brings to mind the deaths of Princess Diana and Michael Jackson. Both of these received blanket coverage in the media. When such iconic individuals as these do die, journalists flock to where they think the people will gather. nfl jerseys

Cheap Jerseys china With greater awareness, the old behaviors become increasingly uncomfortable, and no longer work. This is the process of surrender described in Step 6: "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." It is similar to Step 3; however, Step 3 is more of a conscious decision and is usually associated with surrendering control over situations or things outside of oneself, www.cheapjerseysfromchinasale.com while Step 6 underscores the psychological process of personal transformation that evolves throughout recovery. This Step represents a further development of self acceptance and opens the door to change. Cheap Jerseys china

wholesale jerseys In an adorable snapshot, Gisele is getting ready to throw a big snowball at her man, while Tom looks back at his gorgeous wife with a huge smile. Benjamin is standing on top of a snow mound laughing. There's no sign of little Vivian, but it was probably just too cold for her.. wholesale jerseys

cheap jerseys Froome team manager Sir Dave Brailsford said it was about time his rider was given the credit he deserved. Was a bit close in the end, but I think Chris has shown real mettle and what he is all about in this race, he concluded. Don think many people get to see what we see every day. cheap jerseys

Cheap Jerseys china Write the details on the left column and the feelings you have when you recall it. Then return to the left column. Write the negative aspects of the memory. And as we all know, every major league team has to make adjustments to the roster throughout the season. Hopefully it has nothing to do with health, nothing to do with production. Was 15 10 with a 3.83 ERA in 30 starts for the World Series champion Cubs last season, though he was not a part of the post season roster Cheap Jerseys china.

0 notes

fandom-star · 7 years ago

Text

The Gender Tag

1. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you?

I identify as non-binary. For me, this means that my gender is made up of male and female. Sometimes I feel more male than female, sometimes it's more equal.

2. What pronouns honor you?

I use they/them pronouns. I have since I started questioning, even when I thought I might be a trans guy.

3. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

Usually I wear a t-shirt or flannel/plaid shirt, sometimes both, with jeans and a zip-up hoodie. Sometimes it's black trousers.

4. Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? What do you choose to shave, or choose not to shave?

I got my hair cut short in the Summer. Since doing that I have felt SO much better about my appearance. I never used to take selfies when my hair was long, but I have at least two for every month. I have an unusual amount of facial hair for an AFAB person not on testosterone. Mum takes me to get it taken off through 'sugaring'. I do not shave any of my body hair, mostly because it's too much effort, but partly because I like having hair as well.

5. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What types of soaps and perfumes do you use if any?

The only times I have ever worn make-up is for costume, and that's only been three times. I went through a short phase of painting my nails when I was ten, for no other reason than I wanted to stop biting my nails. It didn't last long, and I still bite my nails dangerously short! I don't wear any perfume because I absolutely HATE the smell of pretty much any perfumes. I can't stand walking into department stores and being greeted by the horrific smell of so many perfumes mixed together!

6. Have you experienced being misgendered? If so, how often?

I am not out in real life so I am always misgendered. It's frustrating sometimes, but I can put up with it. At least until I come out.

7. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?

I do experience dysphoria, though it took a while to either figure out or start to experience enough for me to notice it. Physically, I am pretty dysphoric about my chest. I was really uncomfortable with how big my bust was even before I started questioning my gender, which might have been a very mild introduction to dysphoria. It typically isn't bad enough for me to not be able to look at it, which is lucky because it's pretty difficult to get dressed without doing that! But sometimes it is like that, and I absolutely hate it. I've also started to feel a bit dysphoric about gendered language and my name in certain contexts. At school, it's surprisingly fine, which is great considering I have no intention to ever be out at school apart from to friends, but when I'm out, I really don't like it. And there are certain ways that my mum says my name that just make me cringe. Overall, dysphoria is something I can deal with but wish I didn't have to.

8. Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Would you want to carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?

I have never been interested in having children. I used to think about it when I was about 9 or 10, but it was almost just an excuse to make a character. I never really though of them as being my actual child. I absolutely hate the idea of both being pregnant and giving birth, I always have, and I would have absolutely no idea what to do with a child!

9. Talk about money. Is it important to you to provide for a family financially if you choose to have one? Is it important to you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay for you or offer to pay for you?

I think the whole money situation would depend on what kind of job I'm doing at the time. I don't really know about dates, as I have never been on one! I think it would depend on the kind of person I'm dating and who asked for the date. I don't know.

10.Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

I have never felt comfortable being a girl. But I also knew, to an extent, that I also wasn't really a boy, despite a year of sporadically wanting to be a boy when I was about 9. If I had known about non-binary genders and understood what that meant at a younger age, I feel like I might not be in the situation I'm in now, because by the time I was eventually exposed to the concept when an online friend came out I was quite deep in denial and was trying to cover up just how masculine I was.

#Ell speaks #FandomStar speaks #the gender tag #dysphoria TW

0 notes