#cotard: walking corpse

[lockpickingliar]

Do you ever feel already buried deep? Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing.

The days he woke up in a cold sweat always left an inky blackness where his dreams should have been—the suffocating weight of earth and death and oblivion.

Those were Kamukura's dreams, he knew, and they were of darkness and despair and a time where Hajime was dead and gone and forgotten. He couldn't help but agonize over what was lost in those years between his death and rebirth, where his corpse was left to walk the earth as an empty husk, a time no one wished to acknowledge, memories now locked away in those itchy black nightmares.

[lockpickingliar]

Aaaaah this is so fun! Thank you so much, and everybody loves them!

Hey, @lockpickingliar!

A little while ago, I asked you about the birthdays of those who use this blog (found in this post here) so that I could share with you their Hanakomon.

Even though I don't necessarily believe in the spiritual side of crystals, flowers, gemstones, stars, or other similar things with symbolism, I still think the concept is interesting. Besides, who doesn't enjoy looking at pretty and/or shiny things?

To those who do not know what Hanakomon are, here is the explanation. And to those who do know what Hanakomon are, here is a reminder.

Hanakomon

Japan has a wide variety of emblems that are used to identify an individual or a family, with some of the earliest dating back to the mid-Heian period between the years 900 and 1000. There exist varying names for these emblems, such as "Mon," which can be used to describe any identification emblem, while "Kamon" is exclusively used to identify a family.

The "Hanakomon," although not having as detailed and long of a history, is another group of emblems that were created when Japan incorporated the Gregorian Calander from the western world in the late 1800s. There exist 366 Hanakomon emblems, one for each day of the year, including a leap year. Each one of them are based on a flower. In a way, they could be considered one's birth flower. The calendar also includes a key word of the day.

Cotard and Wafer (1st January)

Given Name: Far East Amur Adonis.

Japanese Name: Fukujusou.

Other Name/Names: Amur Adonis, Pheasant’s Eye.

Scientific Name: Adonis amurensis.

Symbolism: Joy, optimism, new beginnings, sincerity.

Key Word of the Day: Happiness. “Wishing all the happiness.”

Cotard’s Corpse (22nd March)

Given Name: Golden Bells.

Japanese Name: Renngyou.

Other Name/Names: Golden Bell, Weeping Forsythia.

Scientific Name: Forsythia suspensa.

Symbolism: Anticipation, joy, positivity, renewal.

Key Word of the Day: Justness. “Take clean and correct action.”

Lyra (26th March)

Given Name: Kobushi Magnolia.

Japanese Name: Kobushi.

Other Name/Names: Kobus Magnolia, Kobushi Magnolia, Mokryeon.

Scientific Name: Magnolia kobus.

Symbolism: Dignity, magnificence, nobility, perseverance.

Key Word of the Day: Hit. “Do your best to reach your goal.”

Altair, Lumin, and Plum (14th April)

Given Name: Tulip.

Japanese Name: Ukkonnkou.

Other Name/Names: N/A (No specific species of tulip specified).

Scientific Name: N/A (No specific species of tulip specified. “Tulip,” is a genus).

Symbolism: Colour dependent. I’ll chose purple for obvious reasons: love, nobility and royalty.

Key Word of the Day: Graceful. “Live flexibly.”

Eda, Lucky and Mae (28th April)

Given Name: Nodding Anemone.

Japanese Name: Okinagusa.

Other Name/Names: Narrow-leaf Pasque-flower.

Scientific Name: Pulsatilla cernua.

Symbolism: Renewal, vitality.

Key Word of the Day: Security. “Enjoy peace to the fullest.”

Nilla (21st June)

Given Name: Tokisou.

Japanese Name: Tokisou.

Other Name/Names: Asian Pogonia.

Scientific Name: Pogonia japonica.

Symbolism: Elegance, purity.

Key Word of the Day: Innocence. “Do not lie to yourself."

Only two images for this one as I hit the limit on Tumblr! However, you can find more images in the post I made about the Kokichis' Hanakomon here!

Fuyuhiko (16th August)

Given Name: Scarlet Bee Balm.

Japanese Name: Tainmatsubana.

Other Name/Names: Bergamot, Crimson Beebalm, Eau-de-Cologne Plant, Oswego Tea, Scarlet Beebalm, Scarlet Monarda.

Scientific Name: Monarda didyma.

Symbolism: Beauty, happiness, health, passion, wealth.

Key Word of the Day: Sensitivity. “Sharpen your sensitivity.”

Umami (3rd October)

Given Name: White Patrina

Japanese Name: Otokoeshi

Other Name/Names: N/A.

Scientific Name: Patrinia villosa.

Symbolism: Health. It’s actually proven to have various pharmacological effects such as, “anti-inflammatory, sedative and hypnotic, anti-viral, anti-tumour, liver-protecting, and immunity-enhancing actions.”

Key Word of the Day: Fame. “Hold on to a bold dream.”

[undead-affirmations]

Every popular post about cotards online:

This SCARY DISORDER that FREAKS have makes them think they're DEAD!! Isn't that SO WEIRD?? Imagine if you had that? how SCARY is that??

[c3m373ry-dr1v3]

rawr

[exanimated444]

Made some blinkies

[yngvescorpse]

I hate calling it cotard's "delusion" because it is not. I am dead. I know I am dead and I am not delusional. People tell me it is impossible but I can feel the bugs and my frozen blood, the imitative pumping of my heart and the only remaining lung that feels like an old balloon when I make a pathetic attempt to "breathe."

If I am not dead then why does everything hurt when I move? If I am not dead why does not breathing feel more natural? If I am not dead then why do I smell of old blood and decomposition?

[maggore]

[Flag ID: Three almost identical rectangular flags, all with 5 horizontal stripes, the outer two being significantly larger than the rest. They are all colored, from top to bottom, pastel green, green, pastel purple, cerulean blue, and pastel blue. On the left of the first flag is a dull brown infinity symbol, and on the left of the third flag is a dull brown coffin outline. end ID]

Cotard's Delusion / Cotard's Syndrome / Walking Corpse Syndrome

Where the person holds a persistent delusional belief that they are dead, do not exist, are putrefying, have lost their blood or internal organs, or are immortal / incapable of dying for some reason (wikipedia)

Coined on the 1880s, Flag made 4/7/2025 | Colors are based loosely on nature and immortality | This was made with the immortality subset of Cotard's Delusion in mind since that's a big part of our experience, however it can be used by anyone who experiences Cotard's Delusion if they like it :3c | Symbols: Infinity, Coffin

(Taglist) @radiomogai @obscurian & @mad-pride

(See also) madprideflags (simplifed version), redacted-coiner, paranoid-and-pretentious

[r0tt3n-soul]

sometimes i feel like im already dead. but most of the time, i feel like i should be dead. so i drink, take drugs, eat less, do the bare fucking minimum in hopes that one day it might kill me. i sleep in abandoned houses with people that I've known for a few hours only. i meet up with people I met online just for the sake of it. of course I've always got my knife with me, but will it really make thst much of a different when i get drugged and killed?

[lockpickingliar]

Ding-dong, bing-bong!

Hear that? It's time for a Class Trial! Except this time, we are asking the real questions.

Out of all of the muses on this blog,

Who could come up with the greatest hero monologue?

Who could come up with the greatest villain monologue?

Who has the best poker face?

Who has been caught lying, tricking or pranking others the most?

Who would be the best caregiver to someone who was unwell?

Who would be the least responsible while babysitting/pet-sitting?

Who has the most unique party trick/talent (and what is it)?

Who has the messiest bedroom/office/workspace?

Who has the worst attention span?

Who has the worst crash-outs after losing board games or card games such as Monopoly or UNO?

- Saber

Ooh, these ARE the real questions!

Gentle Side Note for the Future: We're personally not fond of the term "crash-out," as it has a derogatory vibe towards emotional volatility, especially historically in the context of BPD. A lot of our Oumas have BPD, and so they're a bit uncomfortable with the connotations it has towards splitting episodes and the like. In casual jest, we prefer the term "gamer moment," as it sounds less serious and doesn't really have an inherent connotation to it, and can even be read as positive in some contexts.

With that out of the way, let's take a look! Of course, some of these may be lies, nishishi.....

1. Who could come up with the greatest hero monologue?

Mae insists that Cotard can and has! Which, fair I think, since he gave that entire motivational spiel in the NWP and honestly if it was anything like the canon one in the final chapter of SDR2, then I'm inclined to agree. That shit really moved me.

Kichi's also gone on some pretty thought-provoking philosophical monolgues to himself before, one of which he posted talking about lies and that kind of reads like an antihero monologue to me. So if there was an aware for best antihero monologue, it'd go to him and/or Cookie.

2. Who could come up with the greatest villain monologue?

Joker probably. He's the mastermind of his game, after all, but that's a lie.

3. Who has the best poker face?

The Izurus, hands down. They will say some of the most inane shit with a straight face purely because they know no one will believe us.

Barring that, probably Joker.

4. Who has been caught lying, tricking or pranking others the most?

Non-maliciously? Kichi, but he's been here the longest so that might be cheating. Petty's a pretty close second, though, and then there was the entire ward debacle with Loopy...

5. Who would be the best caregiver to someone who was unwell?

That really depends on the situation and the type of care they need! The Oumas are very caring, such is their nature given their Talent, but their methods depending on which one it is can vary greatly from soft guidance to the most antagonistic "psychological cornering" most are familiar with from the game.

Outside of that, Umami does well to take very good care of his Ouma, but that really only applies to his Ouma. He's capable of being a model caregiver, but only if he really sees merit in going out of his way.

Lumin is also a pretty strong contender as he and his husband practically adpoted Joker, me, and Pick.

6. Who would be the least responsible while babysitting/pet-sitting?

Prooooobably Clover (yeah, he switched back to his old name, sorry for the inconvenience!). It's not that he isn't responsible, so much as he's very forgetful for... obvious reasons. So he struggles with a lot of the things that are necessary for looking after someone or something.

7. Who has the most unique party trick/talent (and what is it)?

It's hard to really narrow things down with that, so here's a few:

Many of the Oumas like eating the most inadvisable flavor combinations in front of people just to freak them out. Think sriracha sauce on chocolate croissants and honey on pizza.

Outside of party tricks and more in the realm of funny stories and shit they do, Petty's a veteran of the Europan War, and talks a lot about how he had to eat his Amami to survive.

Bindle and his Amami choose to live in the city's sewers for no apparent reason, and are very familiar with exploring the sewers and connecting tunnels that run beneath the city.

Umami and his Ouma like to go out in the woods sometimes and get deliberately lost before Umami breaks out the compass to find their way home again, for no reason other than to manage Umami's chronic boredom.

Honorable mention to our irl friends, one of whom was challenged by Fuyuhiko to write something from his perspective, only to be shocked when they ended up literally writing his exact diary as a fanfiction, and another of whom can tell all the Oumas apart by their voice alone. The Oumas have tested this extensively, trying to trip her up with lies by switching around mid-conversation and the like. It's kind of scary!

8. Who has the messiest bedroom/office/workspace?

Cookie's immediate answer was Iru-chan, but she's not on this blog so she doesn't count www

Other than that, Cookie's DICE's wing is an organized sort of chaos because they've turned the main room into essentially a giant pillow fort, the "pillow room" they call it, and most of them prefer to pile in there to sleep together instead of in their own individual rooms.

Lumin's also reported that Joker's room is an absolute disaster zone of paper. He had a tendency to even scribble on the walls, but that at the very least Lumin and his husband insisted he clean off until he stopped.

9. Who has the worst attention span?

Probably the permaregressors, Koko or Bindle. Maybe Kichi on the rare occasions when he's regressed. The Komaedas kind of feel like cheating to say here...

10. Who has the worst gamer moments after losing board games or card games such as Monopoly or UNO?

Fuyuhiko lmao

[clusterrune]

i wanted to share what cotard's syndrome is like for me, how it feels and effects me day-to-day, so i thought adding such in it's own chapter would be the best way to do so.

for me, i believe i am either already dead or dying, depending on the day. some days i believe im dead, that mu body is a corpse and my stiff joints and back, the arthritis in my joints and limbs, etc, are the result of rigor mortis setting in, my limbs starting to part from my lifeless body. i often feel as though none of my organs work, the magority of them already decayed and gone or rotting. 

other days i feel like im slowly dying, dificulty walking or functons and mobility in general is due to my body shuttng down for the last moments of breath. my pulse speading up or slowing down could either assure me im still alive a while longer or further the idea im not real or about to die. sometimes feeling my pulse could trigger thoughts like "living things have a pulse, but m not living and i have one, so im clearly not a normal human".

i'll believe my body is only still managing to function or move or do anything at all because dead or not...

continue reading this chapter in my new book, understanding cotard's.

[carnage-cathedral]

cool thing about almost being killed violently is that you are never fully convinced that you survived

[undead-affirmations]

The alterhuman community is really upsetting to me as a delusional kin. Both people who hate delusional kins and those who claim to support them only recognize CLCZ as the "delusions that can make you be alterhuman."

I don't mind spaces for those folk specifically, but it does feel really isolating as somebody who just wants to express my undeadness and be understood.

[phantom-heartbeat]

Does anyone with Cs/WCS wanna chat about it?

Does it feel like you're more of a zombie? A vampire? Something else?

Does it fluctuate or stay the same every episode?

What conditions do you have influence it and how (if any)?

What are the main and rare physical sensations?

What are tricks that help you? How did you find what works and what doesn't?

What makes it worse?

I'll start.

I often feel a mix of creatures, undead or generally nonhuman. But primarily zombie, vampire, siren or some sort of living dead thing that either isn't supposed to be on land or function like a living human.

It fluctuates a lot every episode, more often than not when I don't realize it is an episode i feel cybernetic or robotic, I'm only starting to recognize that as my more common episodes now. The more subtle ones at least.

My anemia, arthritis and other physical disabilities I have all effect it, but having DID means it can change and present differently based on who's fronting too.

My anemia makes me cold as a corpse most days, low blood circulation and pale complexion in top of being a walking icicle has made me a target for vampire comments growing up, my need for iron often feels like a thirst for blood. It can also feel like a hunger for flesh especially if I haven't eaten or slept properly when you take my Ed and insomnia into count.

The aches caused by my arthritis and chronic pain are more often than not soothed by water, making me feel like I need to go back to the ocean or sea to get out of this human skin and feel better and more free where my body is better suited. I often find myself violently scratching at my skin either because of eczema or something else which only contributes to the idea

That list goes on for a while

The main sensations are completely weighted like my body is just actual dead weight, heavy limbs and all, manual breathing switches on and my joints and limbs ache like they're going to fall off or are sore from being locked rigor mortis or because they're currently in rigor mortis. I'm not sure how to explain it but I'll also feel as if organs are missing.

There's also rarely ever feeling hunger and if I do it's cravings, not the sweet tooth kind, same with the need for other bodily functions.

Some rare feelings are a drill going through my head, not in the headache sense, my heart briefly stopping, things crawling on or under my skin, electricity running through my body and my teeth changing.

Tricks that sometimes help me are eating something, a snack or a meal just help me remember the body still needs it, checking for my pulse though it can be a hit or miss if the episode is really bad, and something cold like ice to shock my senses into resetting and waking up.

I found out most of them through anxiety attacks or times I felt really sick, I just kept using them because they seemed to help. There was a bit of trial and error, I found people reassuring me I'm alive and basically reality checking me doesn't help at all just makes me uncomfortable to be around them at worst and in one ear out the other at best. Often when someone tries giving me reassurance my brain treats it as a bold faced lie.

Mentally my depression and trauma or triggers all make the episodes worse, especially if I have trouble finding my pulse on my neck out of panic, or times I just can't taste things or my senses feel off. But overall times I feel sick are when my brain starts getting convinced I'm on my deathbed any second now or the body has finally given up.

I'm happy to answer any questions

What's it like for you?

[exanimated444]

Cotards n3cro bf x cotards n3cro bf who get off on each other all the time

Not a want but a need

[yngvescorpse]

I love Will Wood as much as the next person but PLEASE get the shit about the SELF-iSH songs out of the Cotard's and Capgras tags. Please.

[c3m373ry-dr1v3]

ya know, I only use he/him but would let someone use it/it’s for me if they were talking about me like they’re a survivor of a zombie apocalypse and I’m a barley held together abomination of flesh and decay lumbering toward them. ya know like saying it through their teeth like I’m no longer human to them and just a vessel for a virus which has taken everyone they love from them.