#could not be a vampire

[stubz]

"CALL A <--<>] MEDIC!! A HUMAN YOUNGLING IS BLEEDING TO DEATH!! OH MY <--<->{} GODS WHY IS THERE SO MUCH IN SUCH A SMALL BODY?!"

"WHERE ARE THE HUMAN ADULTS?!"

"IN THE BATHROOM!!"

"BOTH OF THEM?!"

"THEY HAD CO-FEE!!"

"Am I dying?" whimpers the tiny small human child.

"JUST KEEP PRESSURE ON THE WOUND!"

"ELAVATE IT! SHE SHOULD ELAVATE IT!!"

"But I'll swallow blood if I do!"

"..." "..."

"YOU'LL WHAT?!" screeched both adults

"TILT DOWN! DOWN CHILD!!"

"YOU <--<>] FOR BRAINS! THAT'LL MAKE HER BLEED EVEN MORE!"

"THEN WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

"WHAT THE FU--FUDGE IS GOING HERE! WE WERE GONE FOR LESS THAN 5 MINTUES!!"

"Aw, Agnes sweetie, is your nose dry again? Come here, let's get you some tissues and clean you up. Keep your head forward." soothed the human adult.

"Can I change my shirt too?"

"Of course buddy."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! SHE NEED MEDICAL-!"

"Would you zip it?! She's fine! It's just a bloody nose from her nose being so dry--the inside skin is sensitive and a small blood vessel was probably ruptured. It sounds and looks bad but honestly it's not a serious thing."

"...are you sure?" they fearfully asked.

"Positive. I get the same thing all the time when sick. It'll go away in a few minutes. Now for future reference just give the kid lots of tissues and have them hold it to their nose. Keep their head facing forward; if they tilt back the blood will flow into their throats, and if they tilt forward they'll bleed more."

"...understood."

"Good. Now maybe go apologize to Agnes for traumatizing her for the past 5 minutes."

"That's a good idea."

"I'll give her some of my blood as an apology."

"...that's nice but maybe don't."

[nadjasnandor]

Interview with the Vampire | What We Do in the Shadows

[bluegiragi]

smokebreak.

early access + nsfw on patreon monster!AU masterpost

[haredjarris]

[gothamite-rambler]

Duke Thomas: What’s your biggest fear?

Jason Todd: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Tim Drake: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Dick Grayson: Vampires.

Jason Todd: ...

Tim Drake: ...

Dick Grayson: I got turned into one once and nearly killed peoples. It's a bloodlust, you never know when you'll be fully quenched and every non-vampire is a succulent vessel... But I'm not a vampire anymore and that is in my past.

Dick eats his apple after that.

*silence*

Duke Thomas: Holy crap stick, Batman.

Tim: Can I change my option to Dick Grayson?

Jason: Same.

[alethianightsong]

Ok, so in the original Bram Stoker novel, sunlight is not lethal to Dracula. He just loses most of his powers. I'm bringing this up cuz I want a horror comedy where the hero, sensing dawn, tears off the curtains as a last-ditch effort only to have the vampire go "Aw shit, there goes most of my fancy powers. Guess I'll have to beat your ass the old-fashioned way" then proceeds to just deck the hero cuz a vampire at half-strength is still a fucking vampire.

[yellenabelova]

#Welcome to the Loustat Youtube channel (insp)

[beebeedibapbeediboop]

Did Matheo...always look this cute?

[kayascodelorio]

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE 2.05 ‘Don't Be Afraid, Just Start the Tape’ | IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA 3.06 ‘The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation’

[pacipinka]

*taps mic* is this thing on? Yeah okay so every vampire in the vampire chronicles is turned at critical a moment in their lives and beyond just the body they are in when they are turned, their mentality stays at that standstill for their entire immortality, Lestat was turned against his will, he was clinging onto Magnus begging him to be freed, so he’s constantly seeking freedom and only finding loneliness and thus turning back to people again and again, however he can’t STAND being told what to do, since he desires agency in his life so desperately, Armand was turned after years and years of abuse and lack of control but such a desire for genuine love, by a man he ‘loved’ so wholly who he felt was barring his love from him, he needs control in his life, he needs a ‘master’ but he does not desire it, it does not fulfill him, he is trapped in a room but the door is unlocked! Louis was mourning his brother, he felt like an utter failure and so he’s always seeking family, seeking people he can care for, he can coddle, he can prove he is good too, but he loves people who either cannot stand coddeling and need a sense of looseness to live (Lestat) or people who grow out of coddling who prove to Louis he will always fail the people he loves (Claudia), Claudias turning, in many MANY ways mirrors lestats in that it was against her will, she was stolen from her home, and in her immortality she desires freedom but unlike Lestat does not have the agency/ form to get it, she will always be small, she will always be looked down on, even by Lestat who cannot deny how much she is just like him *taps mic* ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!! NONE OF THEM CAN BREAK THE CYCLE!!! TO BREAK IT WOULD BE TO UNDO THE VERY FIBER OF THEIR IMMORTAL SELVES!! THE CYCLE IS THE BLOOD THEY DRINK IT IS THE HEART IN THEIR CHEST AND IT ROLLS AND ROLLS DOWN THE MOUNTAINS AND VALLEYS OF THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AND IT CAN NEVER BE STOPPED BECAUSE THEY WILL NEVER STOP LOVING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!

[zubazee]

Jacob Anderson as Louis behind the scenes.

[haridraws]

new book COVER REVEAL

On a trip to escape your terrible job, your car breaks down on a dark mountainside and you’re rescued from the storm by a mysterious, attractive stranger. Welcomed into his ominous castle, you meet more vampires all keen to have you… for dinner.

Move to the beach! Eat the rich! Discover the dark backstory of an emotionally tortured man! Go to a werewolf house party! Get murdered by a milf! Be a sugar baby! Tell your boss to fuck off! Disappear into a dark forest never to be seen again! AND MORE!

So a dating sim? Or a pulp/ gothic novel?

YES. It's a game in a book where you choose your story:

Be or romance any gender

Multiple endings for each main character

+ lots more romanceable NPCs. You can fuck a ghost or a werewolf, don't worry

Is it.... "spicy"???

YOU CHOOSE! Choose-your-own means leaving parts to the imagination so it works for different readers, but it's a book for adults with intimate scenes. For the ace vampire connoisseur, the main characters also have non-sex options which won't slow your romance

DREAM guest artists

I'm obsessed with the guest art, I am swooning and weeping and gnawing at the bars of my enclosure. I'm so excited about these actual dream artists who all did an INCREDIBLE job.

See first art previews, more info, achievements and pre-order now:

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

I spent all day on this, now I'm gonna go spend the rest of my Halloween with my family, I LOVE YOU GUYS, HAVE A GOOD HALLOWEEN!!!!!

I lost the ask this was supposed to be attached to :'(

Woah, actual communication??? Between these bozos?? More likely than you'd think 🙏

Previous!!

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[drinkinggblood]

screencap redraws

[manichewitz]

sinners is like the perfect horror movie to me because it’s simultaneously an unironically good, well crafted film, but also just a little camp. it’s a beautiful homage to blues music and it’s importance in black culture, it’s a metaphor for the long-term impacts of colonialism, it’s a challenge to the idea that hoodoo & other forms of black spirituality are dangerous, it’s a story about love and grief and human connection through music—and also a racist vampire does irish step dancing threateningly into the camera