#cw: miscarriage

[turtle-paced]

Catelyn remembers Lysa as “the slender, high-breasted girl who'd waited beside her that day in the sept at Riverrun... [how] lovely and full of hope she had been.” This was early on in AGOT before she heard her father’s Tansy confession but even so, do you think that Lysa ever actually had hope for her marriage to Jon Arryn?

Also, how early on do you think her intense resentment of Catelyn began?

Augh, possibly my least favourite sentence from Catelyn's PoV. Describing her own freakin' sister as "high-breasted"??? Without an "oh no I hope her foundation garments aren't going wrong under that gown" and/or "lol what a wardrobe malfunction, it looks like her bra is climbing her neck" tagged on? Suspension of disbelief broken there. Thus writes someone who hasn't dealt with various boob containment devices almost every day since puberty.

Tangent aside, I think Lysa did start hopeful. Maybe not hopeful about her relationship with Jon Arryn himself, but that she would be able to have children and build a family. Alas.

Similarly, I think Lysa was long aware that Catelyn had personal qualities (and got attention for those qualities) that Lysa herself did not. I think it started to bite Lysa more deeply when Catelyn didn't even notice that the boy Lysa was in love with, loved Catelyn. I think it got worse as she dealt with a series of miscarriages and stillbirths, then a child with chronic health problems, while every year or two she'd hear that Catelyn had another healthy child. Then I think Littlefinger took advantage of all that misery building up in Lysa and made sure it got worse. What might have stayed a private tragedy for Lysa was used and abused as part of Littlefinger's revenge.

[starshideurfics]

Thirsty Thursday - Trying

steddie, omegaverse, mpreg, cw: vomit, cw: miscarriage, angst with a happy ending

Steve knows better than to get his hopes up when he and Eddie start trying for a baby. He knows it can take time. That it isn’t just about throwing out his birth control and getting dicked down three times a week—anything more than that leads to diminishing returns: lower sperm count, less ejaculate. He’s already on prenatal vitamins and he’s eating better; he’s cut alcohol and coffee from his diet.

But it’s not like he expects it to happen right away.

Then he starts puking.

At anything. Weird smells, weird tastes, eating too late in the morning or too early, drinking water too fast. So, he pulls a test out of the bathroom cupboard, pees, waits the five minutes.

Eddie finds him crying in the bathroom twenty minutes later. Steve cried so hard he threw up. But the test has two blue lines, confirmation of the life growing inside him.

Sinking to the floor, Eddie gets his arms around his omega, kisses his temple and pets his hair, and whispers his love and excitement into the skin of Steve’s neck.

They can’t believe it’s happened so fast.

They don’t tell anyone, not even Robin—not even Wayne—because Steve is too nervous, too superstitious.

It doesn’t stop the blood from coming three days before his first prenatal appointment. He calls the office in a panic, and when the nurse says, “Some spotting is normal, even enough to look like a light period, how much blood have you-”

“A lot. I’m already on my third overnight pad today.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry, honey.” After that, she tells him to call again if the bleeding gets worse, or if he faints. That it’s early enough he should be fine managing it at home.

She keeps his appointment slot, so his doctor can do blood work, give him a full physical.

Eddie offers to go with him, but Steve needs a little time alone. Needs a little privacy.

He’s sitting on the exam table, paper under his bare ass, wearing a soft pink hospital gown. “Was it my fault?” He can’t help crying as he asks, explaining about the morning sickness, how he was afraid to eat half the time for fear it would come right back up.

Dr. Greene holds his hand, in both of hers. “No, Steve. This early it usually means something’s wrong with the embryo. Genetic non-viability.”

“Oh?”

“I don’t think the morning sickness helped, but it didn’t cause this. It’s just what happened. And it’s quite common. There’s a reason we say not to announce a pregnancy until the second trimester.”

Steve nods, grateful even if he can’t stop his tears. “Thank you,” he whispers, relieved.

Dr. Greene just squeezes his hand, and walks him through all the tests and checks she wants to do. Steve leaves his appointment with a half-dozen pamphlets, including one with tips for fighting morning sickness.

He spends the afternoon reading, and stocks up on ginger candy in preparation.

Eddie is cautious for the next week, always offering Steve comfort, holding him close and kissing him sweetly. Steve is the one to get back to business, jumping Eddies bones as soon as he has the go-ahead.

It takes two months for them to get pregnant again, and Steve’s morning sickness comes back.

The ginger candy helps, and the ginger ale. Sometimes he does a cold compress on his chest, and it’s enough to stop the urge to vomit. He’ll pinch the skin between his thumb and forefinger, and that helps most of the time.

But not always. Usually, when he first wakes up, or when he gets out of the shower it will hit him hard and fast.

He makes it to ten weeks this time, before the spotting and the cramping. Steve’s at work when it starts and he tells his boss he’s sick, drives straight to the OBGYN office, hoping they can do something.

But he’s already passed a clot, the bleeding worse.

A nurse finds him an empty exam room so he can clean up. Compose himself a little. He calls Eddie at work and tells him the bad news.

“I’m coming, baby, just give me ten minutes, and I’ll be there,” Eddie promises, ready to care for his mate.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll see you at home.”

“Steve!”

“You shouldn’t leave work for this. I’m just gonna go home and lie down.”

Steve hangs up. He feels like a failure.

When Eddie gets home that night, he finds Steve on the couch eating butterscotch ice cream. He plops down next to him, gets an arm around his shoulder, and just lets Steve melt against him. “It’ll be okay, baby. These things take time.”

“I know,” Steve whispers. “I was just really excited this time…”

“As soon as you’re ready, we’ll start trying again.” He pulls Steve into his lap, not even caring that the mostly empty ice cream carton is being squished to his chest. “And no matter what, I will always love you.”

“I love you so much,” Steve murmurs back, pressing his tears to Eddie’s neck.

💔💔💔

Over the next year and a half, Steve loses three more pregnancies before the end if the first trimester. His morning sickness is better by the last one, but it doesn’t seem to matter.

They have another appointment with Dr. Greene, this time to go over their options, and do a bit more testing, but the night before, Steve is distraught. “I can’t do it again,” he whimpers. “I can’t fall in love with another baby that I don’t get to meet. Eddie, I can’t!”

Eddie can’t either. But it’s not his body. He doesn’t feel that same connection Steve does, doesn’t bear the same burden. But he still loved each and every one.

He also can’t stand the thought of Steve suffering again. His mate has been through more than enough.

Then the tests come back, and Dr. Greene smiles kindly. “Steve, there’s nothing in your blood work or health history that should be contributing to this. But the ovum is a robust little cell. In fact, research indicates that problems frequently boil down to sperm count… And quality.”

Eddie freezes. He knows he eats better than he did when he met Steve—Steve feeds him after all—but he has… Bad habits. “How bad is it?” he asks, cringing internally as he thinks about how proud he was to fill his sample cup past the halfway point that afternoon. Pointless alpha preening.

“Your sperm count is actually in the normal range for an alpha your age, which is a good sign, especially knowing you’re a smoker, Eddie. But your motility is low, which means even fewer sperm make it far enough to reach the egg. It means odds of a healthy sperm fertilizing the egg are lowered.”

Eddie squeezes Steve’s hand in apology. “So, it’s my fault,” he says, keeping his voice even.

“This isn’t about placing blame,” Dr. Greene starts.

At the same time, Steve murmurs, “Eddie, no…”

“No,” Eddie says clearly, forcing a smile. “If there’s something I can do, I will.”

He quits smoking cold-turkey, needing the nicotine out of his system. Eddie knows too many guys who traded their pack a day smoking habit for a pack a day of nicotine gum. Every time he even thinks about smoking he snaps a rubber band on his wrist, and remembers how many times he’s found Steve crying over the past two years.

He gets more vegetables in his diet, leafy greens that taste bitter as hell, but he still eats every salad Steve packs fir his lunch.

In the end, the hardest part is exercising. Eddie hates running. He hates it. Even going for a morning run with Steve doesn’t help because Steve does 5K no problem, and Eddie feels like he’s dying after six blocks.

They stop running together, but Eddie keeps running. He goes to a weekly yoga class and starts swimming laps at the Y.

He and Steve take a break from sex. Then, when they do have sex, they use protection. Steve won’t risk it. Not yet.

They wait neatly a year, Eddie asking to have his sperm checked at his annual physical. There’s no pride this time in how much he managed to jizz in the sample cup, only the relief at being told, “Your sperm count is on the high end of average, with good motility. Overall, everything looks healthy, but if you’d like a referral to a specialist, I can give you one.”

Eddie calls Steve with the good news, promising that they can wait as long as Steve wants before they start trying again, that the lifestyle changes are sticking around.

Steve tells Eddie to get his ass home. Right away.

Eddie finds Steve in the bedroom, wearing lingerie for the first time in a couple years. He’s seated on their bed in the prettiest lilac silk, and he stands as soon as Eddie’s through the door, pouncing on him. “I love you, Eddie,” he mumbles between kisses.

“Love you so much, baby,” Eddie murmurs back, ready to celebrate their small victory. He guides Steve back to the bed, ready to worship his beautiful tits as soon as he’s unwrapped them.

He touches Steve everywhere. Kisses him everywhere. Holds him close once they are both naked and sweaty. He reaches for the bedside table, but Steve stops him. “No condom,” he whines. “I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?”

“Eddie, you’ve spent the past year getting healthy for this, for us. It sounds like it worked.” Steve reaches down, takes Eddie’s hard cock in hand, stroking him roughly, the way he likes. “Let’s try again,” Steve says with finality. “Let’s make a baby.”

💕💕💕

A year later, Steve is seven months pregnant and glowing. He had some morning sickness this time, but it went away before the second trimester. Now, he has to pee. All the time. And he’s always hungry.

Eddie dotes on him, making sure even his wildest craving are satisfied, which includes an astounding amount of pickled jalapeños and tapioca pudding. But he’s right on track, everything routine, perfectly healthy.

It’s all worth it. Soon, they’ll get to meet their little girl.

[mint-8]

Platonic Yandere Priest x Child! GN! Reader

Content/Trigger warning: Mentions of death, violence, religion, and implied miscarriages. Also, please read as completely platonic.

- Yandere Priest who is devoted to their religion. They lead their believers with a firm, yet gentle hand towards a better life. Organizing community projects to strengthen the bond between the residents, giving inspiring and passionate lectures in every single one of their sermons, guiding from the youngest of youths to the aging elders through a path of righteousness (at least, what they have been taught as ‘righteous’), and holding banquets and festivals to help the less fortunate are but one of their few notable accomplishments through their time as the local priest, working and maintaining influence and a bit of authority in between the local business owners and police force. They have dedicated their lives to the prosperity of their flock and wouldn’t have it any other way. Yet, there is something missing…

- Yandere Priest has always wished for a child of their own. Regardless of the holy scriptures that have dictated, practically their entire life, they never really were too fond of the idea of engaging in a romantic, nor sexual, relationship with others, or anyone really. Perhaps it was due to their devotion to their faith that always kept them occupied, or they were simply born without a particular need or desire for such urges, regardless of the reason, they still crave a close connection with someone. Preferably someone who they can use all of their educational knowledge and life experience on, to provide them with and guiding them into a better, fulfilling life. They have tried to adopt before, but no matter what they did, they were never accepted as a possible parent candidate. With such disappointment, and with the passing of the years, they gave up on the search for such a pupil to follow on their steps, and simply continued to focus on their growing community of loyal followers. Maybe if they were gifted with a second chance at life, they would be able to fill the hole in their heart.

- Yandere Priest who can’t help but notice that a new family has joined their town. It’s not uncommon to see new people come and go, especially when some of the young adults come back to settle down with their families after experiencing the busier city life and preferring to embrace their more rural roots. They were hoping for the new family to be pleasant and kind, already preparing a basket of local fruits and sweets to welcome them to the community, and to offer them an invitation to the weekend sermon. They wouldn’t dare to be too forceful though, they’ve learned their lesson from their previous teacher who had the inept belief of forcing newcomers into their religion would surely increase the church’s congregation (they are very happy they were able to ‘talk some sense’ into them).

- Yandere Priest who happily chats with the happy couple when they go to visit them and even offer their help with the moving, who amidst the conversation catch a glimpse of a tiny child, you. They can’t help but find you adorable as you shyly clutch your parent leg while peeking at them from behind. Your parents enthusiastically introduce you to them, of course, and explain that you aren’t very fond of strangers. However Yandere Priest doesn’t mind such display of nervousness, as they simply kneel with one leg while warmly smiling at you and introducing themselves.

“Pleasure to meet you, little one. I’m the local priest in this town”

“… Hi…”

“There’s no need to be afraid, young one. For I promise I wouldn’t dare to harm a single hair in your head”

“…”

- Yandere Priest realizes that they went a bit too far with the presentation, and politely excuses themselves from the talk, with your parents bidding them farewells and promising to assist to the weekend sermon. As they walk away and greet the rest of the neighbors, they can’t help but think about the new family, possible new additions to the congregation, and… you. You are an adorable, shy little thing, probably terribly scared from the new change of scenery and pretty much uprooting of your previous life into a completely new setting that, most likely, you’ve never heard off before. Their community is a tad far away from the major cities, so they wouldn’t be too surprised if you’ve ever only heard about your new home from memories from one of your parents.

- Yandere Priest who promises that they will be your guiding light into this new chapter of your life, whether you like it or not. Oh! Don’t worry too much about it! They have plenty of experience in subtly manipulating and getting their way by talking and stroking some egos. How did you think they were able to maintain their church and themselves with a high influence and status around the town? However they won’t take it too far, cutesy children like you only deserve the kindest, gentlest treatment ever, and they swear to their lord they will become your personal confidante and friend! They just need a few talks with you… =)

- Yandere Priest who is pleased to know that your parents fulfill their promise when they see you in their sermon. Your parents are actively socializing with the rest of the churchgoers (presumably to build some connections) and, just like when they first met you, you are shyly hiding behind your parent’s back, refusing to talk with the other children or adults. They understand your fear, it was difficult for them as well when they were first brought to the town when they were younger, their then teacher still forced them to toughen it up and interact with the townsfolk, but they are glad your parents won’t force you to interact with others if you do not wish to. They are so happy that they have something to bond over with you that they almost forgot to start their lecture on time!

- Yandere Priest whose lecture’s mainly focus on the struggle of the self when in a new and unknown situation. How the future might seen bleak or full of uncertainties, but how one can find solace within the support of those around them, accompanied by the desire of improving every day over the failures of the past. This, of course, being mostly centered around comforting and giving you hope in the face of the new life events you’ve suddenly been throw into, especially with the added knowledge that you can totally rely on them at any time, you know? Why, how could they dare to leave a lonely lamb alone among their new brethren? It’s their duty as the pastor to guide you to a more bright future.

- Yandere Priest who convinces your parents to sign you up to their weekly religion classes, which have existed since the very beginning and totally were not created on the spot as soon as the mass ended in order to get closer to you! They simply wish to help you grow into a more sensible and responsable person, and what better way than to learning about god and how important religion is? Yeah, Yandere Priest is so glad that your parents are very gullible and easy to sway with words alone, but they are more worried about you possibly inheriting such qualities and making you an easy target for con artists! It simply solidifies their ideal of nurturing you into a mature, capable adult, so as to not fuck your own life up!

- Yandere Priest who spends every week, plus some weekends whenever your parents are out on a date, simply getting to know you. They love hearing you talk about your interests, hobbies, favorite animals, favorite colors, foods, clothes, toys, and… pretty much anything you might or might not have an opinion on! They answer each and every one of your questions about their life, the town, their religion and the world with such calmness and eagerness to teach you, that you instinctively go to them whenever you have a doubt or question! They actively immerse you into the life of the town, either by helping or participating on the multiple events or projects they or the rest of the townsfolk cook up. They wish for you to have a vast and colorful upbringing, allowing you to interact safely with everyone in the community and broadening your horizons with each passing day.

- Yandere Priest who, outside of including you into any social event on the town, also enjoys small, quiet activities. From playing board games to simply reading books, any sort of bonding activity they or you can think of, they are more than happy to participate on. They just love you so much. They just want to crush your legs and make you a paraplegic so you can only rely on them for support! Oh, was that too extreme? No need to worry, that’s merely a fantasy, they would never act on such urges! Well, I mean, that could’ve been plan B if you happened to resist their efforts into getting to know you better from the very beginning. And about your parents? Do you remember how they have some authority over local police and the business owners? It wouldn’t be too hard to find some dirt on your parent’s past or to ask the landlord to raise rent or for the bank to mess up some of their finances… but like I said, they wouldn’t ever dare to do such a thing! Well, only if it was their last resort and your parents were… less than neighborly neighbors… Glad that isn’t the case, don’t you agree?

- Yandere Priest who will assert themselves as a stable support in your life against your will (not like you were willing to fight them, right?), especially when your parents ‘mysteriously’ go missing and are later found near the river as if a bear had mauled at them! They will also be there when, out of nowhere, loan sharks appear and start to demand compensation over some ‘gambling debts’ that your parent’s had ran away from years ago! But especially you will need them when you find the totally real letters and diary entries from your parents to the rest of your extended family about how they wished you were born dead or simply disappeared from their lives!

- Yandere Priest will always be there for you, even when everyone has left you. They will be your new guardian, so they can protect you from the corrupt foster care system of the country. They will become your teacher, trusted friend and loving parental figure so you’ll grow dependent on them for emotional support. They will make sure you love their hometown and consider it as your only place of residence from now on. Oh, how delighted they will be when you eventually succeed them as the new priest when they grow old and frail. But they know you’ll take care of them when such times come, and they know they will continue to protect you even in such a weakened state. It’s a promise, little angel =)

“I must give thanks to the lord for bringing me such a perfect child, whose kindness and beauty are akin to an angel, and who I’ll dutifully watch over for as long as my heart is able to beat. I’ll love you more than anything, my dear sunshine, so let’s finish today’s lessons, ok? =)”

[alex-finechi-is-back]

Apparently one way children are made in the crk verse is that a piece of the parent’s dough is given and mixed with life powder and baked by the witches.

Which gives the idea of religious figures/shamans that help with the process of ‘childbirth’ by calling upon the witches themselves and helping other cookies be able to ‘birth’

Kinda like how storks are told to bring children as a euphemism for pregnancy

We see life powder being talked about in stormbringers story in the first instance, where she brought the rain wind and cloud deities to life.

Then, Stormbringer Cookie gathered Life Powder and brought the Deities of Rain, Wind, and Clouds to life, thus creating the sacred cycle of Life Powder...

What I’m getting at is there’s also a lot of small children like cookie’s in eternal sugars trailer. Especially with her holding one in one particular scene.

The theory is since hollyberry has a big family and the beasts are inverse or the other side of the coin, what if that means eternal sugar wanted a family but could never conceive because her own dough was too weak to work with and thus it drove her over the edge that she was already being pushed to.

That she was pushed straight over due to the witches not being able to give her the one thing she wanted even after giving everybody else everything

And what if she turns out to be jealous of how holly could have a family, a lineage, a legacy and she couldn’t even have a child herself - her only thing being known is what she could give to everyone else.

[moonspirit]

Angst time!

• Annie is pregnant, somewhat far along maybe 16-81 weeks

•Pollitical event

•Assassination attempts and Armin is badly hurt. Doesn’t wake up for days after

•the stress causes her to loose the baby

•has to go through this without armin and ends up spending ages by his bed size with out moving eating or taking care of herself, on top of this she is still in pain from the miscarriage

•Armin wakes up and immediately checks on her and the baby like he will do

•Annie doesn’t know how to react

I love this idea but I have no idea how it will play out especially with the others like how they will react to the situation.

Holy fuck anon 🥲 You're trying to destroy these two without the possibility of repair?!

tw: pregnancy, miscarriage, extreme angst.

Tbh a stillbirth at around 20 weeks along is an incredibly traumatic event. To humour this, we will say Annie begins to suffer from hypertension and develops placental complications that... eventually lead to a stillbirth.

She's by Armin's bedside after having cried her eyes red once again because he's so still, so cold, so... eerily quiet in his sleep. He just ran a high fever the night before and it took everything in her to not imagine him dying. Still, it's been a month and he hasn't woken up. The doctors say they can't tell if he ever will. It's like the world is broken in two, unable to breathe or function.

There's no sign. Nothing seems wrong with her other than the tremors in her hands when the fear of Armin never coming back overwhelms her.

Nothing's wrong... Except her baby's been really quiet for a few days now.

Until she begins to bleed in her sheets one day.

Just like that, it's gone. Her baby, gone. Dead in her belly. Cold and heavy and so so far away.

Annie breaks down.

For the past weeks ever since finding out she was carrying life within her, she's bonded. Bonded with he or she, an imaginary wisp of blonde hair, the picture of blue eyes and a small hand curling around her finger. Bonded with the expectation of a voice gurgling and babbling, eagerly looking forward to the time when she'll finally win her bet with Armin that their baby will say "mama" first.

And Armin... She remembers how he looked when she told him. She remembers how he cried. She remembers the tremble of his hands when they caressed her stomach, still flat then. She remembers how he began to call them Mama and Papa. How he kissed her everywhere. How he brought home cake and other sweets and watched her eat away with gusto. How he laughed into her neck and fell into a comfortable silence with her as the night progressed and they lay in each other's arms, thinking about their baby. How he'd kiss her stomach and talk to their child every single day.

But he's not a Papa anymore, and she, no longer a Mama.

Their baby's gone.

The others try to help. They comfort her and wipe her tears. They hold her as she shrieks in pain at the loss in her stomach and heart. They make her eat. They make her drink. They make her sleep, but only so much works; sleep doesn't come even to help forget the emptiness in her body for a few hours.

They don't tell Annie how much they were looking forward to welcoming a tiny baby into their big happy family.

Not Pieck, not Reiner, not Jean or Connie... They mean well, but they don't help rid her of the ache, not really.

When Armin finally wakes, it's like atleast one half of the world has been righted. But he wakes, and looks at her with those blue eyes, watery and moist, relieved to see her again. Relieved to see them again.

But there is no them. Only her.

Everything that cannot be said, he understands the moment he reaches for her stomach and finds it flat and devoid of life. Empty, where a cradle used to once be. Quiet, where a voice should've been.

All is still.

[thefundiedata]

Upcoming Events | July-December 2025

Not predicting for: Michael Keilen, Alyssa Webster, Jill Dillard, Joseph Duggar, Josiah Duggar & Justin Duggar.

Just Occurred: Trace and Lydia Bates welcomed their second child, a daughter, Kaia Rae Bates on 12th June. Karissa and Mandrae Collins announced they had suffered a miscarriage. Lawson and Tiffany Bates announced they are expecting their second child, due in December. Jack and Emy Bates are/were expecting their first child with a due date of 22nd June.

Confirmed Events: Timothy and Heidi Rodrigues are expecting their first child. Due date of 12th July. Jessa and Ben Seewald are expecting their sixth child. Predicted birthday of 17th July, due date of 21st July. Erin and Chad Paine are expecting their seventh child, a son. Predicted birthday of 31st August, due date unknown. Carlin and Evan Stewart are expecting their third child. Predicted birthday of 4th September, due date 20th September. Josie and Kelton Balka are expecting their fourth child. Predicted birthday of 9th December, due date unknown.

Predicted Events: July: 2nd - Joy and Austin Forsyth announce Baby 4. 5th - Renee Rodrigues enters a courtship (1 SD late). 18th - Josie and Kelton Balka announce the gender of Baby 4. 19th - Nurie and Nathan Keller announce Baby 4. 30th - Jana and Stephen Wissmann announce Baby 1 (1 SD late).

August: 19th - Warden Bates enters a courtship.

September: 16th - Jason and Maddie Duggar announce Baby 1 (1 SD late). 18th - John and Abbie Duggar announce Baby 3. 25th - Isaiah Bates enters a courtship (1 SD late). 29th - Zach and Whitney Bates announce Baby 6.

October: 21st - Lawson and Tiffany Bates announce the gender of Baby 2. 23rd - Tori and Bobby Smith announce Baby 6.

November: 1st - Kaylee and Jonathan Hill announce Baby 2 (2 SDs late).

December: 7th - Phillip Rodrigues enters a courtship. 15th - Addallee Bates enters a courtship.

[i-am-the-oyster]

I keep finding references to 3 miscarriages that Yoko suffered but I can only find the date of 1. (November 1968, which sounds more like a stillbirth). Anyone know the dates of the others?

[lauren-ce]

Now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure the only successful birth (from the Great Ones' pov) in Bloodborne is the Hunter's own birth into a Great One, and that's after they eat 3 umbelical cords from 3 different unsuccessful births.

"Unsuccessful" means a few different things here, from the child being stillborn (Mergo), half-Great One (Arianna's child), or whatever happened to Kos' child.

[gemini-forest]

CW: infant death, miscarriage

We know Jayden had a miscarriage and didn't handle it well. But how did Leo handle it?

CW: Grief

Yeah he really didn't handle it well either. He was morning for a while in private. He didn't want Jayden or really anyone to see him cry.

But he cried for a good long while.

[maternity-morningstar]

Alastor? Hon, you okay? Where did you go?

Alastor: *making static noises unconsciously while he’s trying to hold himself together*

Husk: *finds Alastor outside of the Hospital* ALASTOR!

Alastor: *turns around with tears in his eyes* Husker.

Husk: *alarmed* Alastor?! What’s going on?

Alastor: I���I lost him….

Husk: Who are you talking about?

Alastor: *moves and shows Husk the bleeding*

Husk: Al?! You’re hurt?!

Alastor: Miscarrying actually…I couldn’t save him…

Husk: ALASTOR?! WHAT—?!

Alastor: *hugs Husk* It’s for the best, isn’t it? That this child quietly passes? Because we have too many babies already.

Husk: *feels Alastor’s forehead* You’re burning up Al. Come on let’s have a doctor take a look at you.

Alastor: *shakes his head* It’s too late Husker!

Husk: You’re still bleeding! Come on! *is practically dragging Alastor back inside* it’s just went he looks down is when he notices the trail of blood that led to where Alastor was standing*

Alastor: I failed him Husk…I failed my baby…

Husk: HELP!!! MY PARTNER IS BLEEDING OUT! HELP!!!

[sukirichi]

LOVE LETTERS: longer asks

from: shhh anon

okay so with the limited time i’ve had, i do finally have some theories and things ive realised, i also think i may have gone a little overboard so enjoy this mini novel 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

let’s start from the beginning ☝️

→ SHHH ANON OMG this was 1.6k words that’s CRAZYYY I love you for that, really <3 okay LET US DIG IN also I am so sorry this took me forever to reply to, my life is just hectic *sobs*

chapter 1)

wakatoshi being the crowned prince by king’s favor makes sense — he’s the most responsible and with the newly added info that rin isn’t the kings biological son, it’s obvious the king would have wanted to be preceded by someone of his own blood even if it wasn’t an official crowned prince. a male born to a concubine may still become an heir if there is no other option iirc.

oooh yes this!! especially because I mentioned before that ushijima is the favorite son since his mother was the one that the king really liked!

“It was all my Mother’s plan to put me on the throne, and I accepted because she promised I could make you my concubine!” this was from rin in chapter 1. the queen was so adamant about rin becoming the king that she made promises out of desperation, her son becoming king would mean she is still protected by the royal law and even if it had gotten out that rintarou isn’t the late king’s biological son, he’d already have the highest rank of authority. the queen was desperate to keep her title and i guess the benefits of being royalty? or maybe she has nowhere else to go. the more i reread, the more i realise — yuzuru and the queen aren’t as similar as i thought. they’re the same side of different coins, yes they were both cheated on and their husbands ended up impregnating other women, but yuzuru would NEVER be desperate for a royal title like the queen is, like that fuckass eyeball mfer is.

right again, shhh anon! the queen really has taken measures to ensure she’d keep her title as queen because it comes with a lot of privilege, and like that cersei lannister scene, “power is power.” and yeah!! yuzuru would never be desperate for royalty and wealth because she already grew up very privileged and has loving parents, so yuzuru pre-marriage really won the lottery in life. but here’s the thing – the queen’s background wasn’t really divulged, but I will say that she wasn’t poor or struggling like eyeball either. in a nutshell, she really is just greedy LMAO

chapter 2!

‘Princess Iris played the naive part well of concealing her feelings’ it should’ve been obvious from the start, iris never loved anyone really, she loved being loved, but to her everything was an act to keep her afloat, bro actually get me in the ring with her i need to fight this bitch atp.

“you had to choose someone with the power to tear the family apart as soon as she finds out about your affair? I would not take her wrath lightly.” i mentioned this quote in another theory, but i think the foreshadowing was just really well done. i also think it helps highlight the difference between iris and yuzu, like iris was able to make rin believe she was everything he needed to love, she played the part of the heartbroken lover well. yuzu turned her sadness into power and motivation, she knows she’s capable of more than just manipulating the men around her. iris is a performer, she spends her free time being a puppeteer. yn spends her time playing the game of chess that the queen has set up, and i fr believe she’s going to have a checkmate soon.

HELL YEAH. iris loves being loved! she grew up having none of that, and when she became princess, she felt like she was becoming the exact opposite of what she believed – someone great, someone worthy of adoration. AGSHJKA BUT NO WORRIES I CAN GET YOU IN THE RING WITH HER. OOOHHH YES LIKE that’s a really good analysis actually – iris is a performer and a great actor, but yuzuru isn’t. while iris likes to flaunt to the people of what she has to prove a point, yuzuru prefers to have her own way by working behind the scenes (much like how the queen does, she keeps things very subtle but also will not hesitate to go out with a big bang if need be. iris isn’t like that. she’s much more straightforward and not that much of a strategist, we only saw her pull out the big guns from chapter 18 when she also broadcasted that public announcement to make rin a target of the government.

“I know there are no limits to your actions if it means protecting your power and wealth.” this was said to the queen iirc, and again THE FORESHADOWINGGGG. hindsight is truly a blessing

‘Your loneliness was one of the reasons you fell madly in love with the Crown Prince.’ yuzuru uses her loneliness to bond with people, iris uses her loneliness to use people. it’s why iris and suna don’t work well. they’re both people who see loneliness as a reason to be greedy and use those around them to fulfil their emotional needs, and how will those needs be met when they have nothing emotional to give to each other? whereas yuzuomi, both use their loneliness to form a connection and proper bond. or maybe it’s just cuz they’re actually normal humans who have functioning brain cells and don’t live in “me me me” land like ipiss. (rin gets a slight pass cuz he was essentially raised to be selfish and alone as crowned prince)

yuzuru uses her loneliness to bond with people, iris uses her loneliness to use people. OMG YES. A HUNDRED PERCENT YES. iris and suna see their loneliness as something that highlights what they’re lacking in, and it makes them want to take and take, while yuzuru sees her loneliness as a space to be filled and shared with someone else. that’s why yuzuomi works so well – they see that they have spaces in their heart left to be filled, and they welcome love with open arms <3 me me me land like ipiss IM CRYING AGHSJAA

‘You were confused what to feel—disgusted that she thought she could fool you into thinking her husband would be the father when the Prince was rumored to be rarely at home, or utterly mortified with dread over the possibility her husband was not the father.’ clocked it from chapter two, iris being rin’s baby momma was foreshadowed 🗣️🗣️

YEAHHH THE FORESHADOWING IS THERE also CAN I JUST SAY I’m so happy you went back to read the first chapters and noticed all these little things because I was actually trying my best to drop hints here and there that can all be connected to the latest updates and to have someone notice those details… I’m so so happy, you have no idea😭💓

“Royal marriages either happen to form alliances [or] hide a revolting scandal” this is where iris’ family comes in, i 100% believe they used sensitive information to get iris married in. im thinking her family were the original royals in itachiyama (the broken down castle) when it was still connected to inarizaki, and the queen could’ve had to give in, as a way to stop a war from breaking out between the two countries, icepole also referred to her marriage as being “forced, to stop [their] countries from going to war”…. so there’s that, but i do also believe they used rintarou’s status as an illegitimate child as the main bribe. which i also feel like is yuzu’s motivation to publish the article, cuz wdym you’re gonna threaten my husbands peace and identity for your own selfish gain? she got me sooo fucked up. but that begs the question… what is in that article? defamation? an allegation of treason?

ICEPOLE AGAHJSK okay so here’s the thing – we all know that inarizaki and itachiyama were originally one kingdom when a faction decided to split apart and be independent. however, they all still share the same land/country in a way, and itachiyama was richer when it came to natural resources, while inarizaki was more advanced in technology and society overall. the two countries have a peace treaty that they can equally benefit from one another, but as time went on, inarizaki’s monarchs were failing in their ruling hence the economic problems that were discussed around chapter eight or so, and it’s a problem that was attempted to be solved by having iris and kiyoomi marry because the royal family felt that they needed itachiyaman representatives within the crown to show that they are all “still as one.” it worked for a little bit, and it did stop the two countries from going to war (although it was mostly inarizaki being desperate because they needed itachiyama more than itachiyama needed them), buttttt it was still complicated because itachiyama was weirded out that iris (who was supposed to be their princess, too) never visited them, and they felt like she was never really a good rep for them

“Prince Kiyoomi is not the type of man to be reckless and drag himself into scandals,” but he defo cares enough about his brothers to sacrifice his freedom in order to protect them. or maybe he got the short end of the stick and had to take one for the team cuz he’s a fancy farm boy from itachiyama💀

he got the short end of the stick, unfortunately *sobs* the king mostly keeps his conquests his conquests within his kingdom but when he saw kiyoomi’s mother… he just couldn’t help himself, and when he was born, the king thought, “wait, this boy can actually be of use.”

chapter 3.

“Would you rather me impregnate a woman purely for that reason? To father a child I was not ready to have? To bear such the burden of the Crown onto a young boy who was born not because his parents wanted to love him, but rather because I am someone who ‘had to fulfill my duty’?” unironically, that’s exactly what he did. in his mission to rid iris of her loneliness, he impregnated her with a child he was not ready to have.

“And sometimes a lowly Prince must be smart enough to turn away from matters that do not concern him, lest he wishes to be exiled from the only place that puts food in his mouth,” rintarou is going to lose it all. i think the way dtd is going to end will be something like this: rin and his mother lose their titles, or well…. rin steps down, he has growth as a person and learns that the materialistic life and more power than you could ever imagine just… isn’t worth losing your humanity over. or maybe he does it for yn, but i do think he would step down. a motivation to step down as king / crowned prince is the fact that his mother lied, and rintarou realises that after only ever being used as a chess piece for his mother, a tool for her to use to give herself an advantage - after realising he was never his own person but a doll that sat pretty, only ever being dressed up and thrown around, no aspirations for himself other than what he’s been fed to desire… he takes control of his life and gets the ultimate revenge.

EEEEE YOU PREDICTED THIS OMG – RIN AND THE QUEEN LOSING THEIR TITLES DID HAPPEN!! although I will not lie, I really wanted to try a different ending where Rin faces the queen head on and exposes himself as he steps down from the crown, to show the queen that he wasn’t going to continue being her puppet, and also to finally be honest for once to his wife – to let yuzuru know that their marriage was never a valid royal one, so technically, they’re annulled, and he’d hope she’d finally be free from him because rin knows that if he doesn’t do something, yuzuru would still remain devoted to him (even if she’d already fallen for omi.)

HUUUGEEE jump cuz chapters 4-7 already have my theories iirc

chapter 8)

“I never knew my name could sound so important without the titles attached to it.” this kinda feeds into my idea from before!! i think this is the start of rinta realising, being a normal guy isn’t so bad. he has a name beyond the crown, he is a person beyond the roles and responsibilities he’s been forced to have. i think ushiwaka will be crowned prince and eventually king. despite being traditional, i think he would probably make an exception to the royal marriage rule for omi and yn. since their situations were very unique compared to what most royal marriages were about. yn’s technically would be allowed since rintarou isn’t even royalty technically, and id assume he’d let omi out of that marriage since iris technically threatened the royal family!

OOOH I LIKE THIS THEORY but yes!! I really do want rin to realize that being a normal guy isn’t so bad, although it’s still hard for him to accept because then it really just shows how he was a nobody who ruined yuzuru’s life, and the guilt will be something he’ll carry with him forever. not to say that he thinks he’ll have more right if he was someone wealthy, but… yeah that’s really how he thought during the first parts of dtd, that’s why he always said “as the crown prince, I don’t deserve anyone lesser than her.” for ushi though, yes I do think he can make exceptions to allow omi and yn to marry if we ever go down that route – he may be traditional but he is also such a softie deep down!

“but it was always a famous royal saying that whoever was your last dance on your debutante ball was your destined lover.” red string theory!!! MY BELOVEDDDD. this is why i think yuzutarou will have a platonic ending while kiyoomi becomes the main love interest, destiny is something akin to fate, it can’t be change no matter how much you try to manipulate the situation. just like how the queen cannot change her fate, she was destined to fail and i think we could possibly see a conversation in the future about how the universe would not allow her plan to succeed? probably from keiji. i also think she’s gonna rope keiji into her scheme tbh, get him to commit a little treachery maybe? have him be a scapegoat to protect herself and give herself a fighting chance… per chance?

ooooh also I’m sorry to disappoint in this part but when I said that the queen had plans to use Keiji, I actually wasn’t going to write any scenes about that BUT it’s true that the queen planned that if ever rin doesn’t become King, and Atsumu wasn’t approved to be King by the public, then Keiji would be her puppet King since she knows he’s ‘weak’ in terms of title and power, so Keiji “might agree” to be King 🥴

anyways that’s all for now, idk if i was cooking or just regurgitating stuff you’ve basically said 😭 i just don’t think the villains in this story are iris and suna anymore. the villains were always the villainesses - the queen and iris. theyll fight against whatever odds to change their fate, theyll use and abuse whoever they need in order to stay at the top.

this is deadass so fucking long but im excusing myself cuz its got content from like five chapters LOL also sorry for the lack of jokes, i was ‘erm ackchually’ing my way through this entire thing 🤓🤓 goofy ass text analysis bruh, got me typing shit as if me and sigmund freud were psychoanalysis rivals.

→ ANYWAYS I LOVED YOUR THEORIES AND ANALYSES SO MUCH LIKE i hope you know you have a special place in my heart!! you have shown so much love and support to dtd and i am just so so soft about that. thank you again!! AGAHJSK ERHM ACTUALLY I GET THAT BUT YOU GOT THEM RIGHT SO YOU WERE SO ON POINT!!

from: @kyriaan

Bruh i imagined such dark scene 😅😅😅 im so sorry this is very dark dhdhhshahha but imagine after rin tells yn he wants a divorce she just stays there, empty expression, her ears ringing. The word divorce repeating in her head until something shatters. Yn smiles softly but its not quite right? She moves graciously to her room and gets her gun. As graciously she walks around, searching for a certain woman in her house. White noise is all yn hears and then she finds her. BAM she shoots her gun not even hesitating, hitting iris in her stomach. Another shot echoes in the walls and then a thud as iris lifeless body falls on the ground. Rin shows right after his eyes opened wide, shocked as he hesitantly looks at his wife. Scared, hes so scared and she's there smiling oh so innocently and yet so unsettling. 'see, it took care of the problem, isnt that right? Rin' yns voice is sweet, the only thing rintarou's mind can register over the ringing of his ears.

→ I’m not really reading yandere content but does this count as yan?!?! anyways omg. also because it’s a well known fact that yn knows how to use a gun and is an exceptional shooter as well AGHSJAK. I do think this would go well on a darker theme (and ngl I have debated making dtd darker but it just!! didn’t fit the vibe LMAOOO) but also I feel like if yn really did shoot iris, she’d do it during a manic episode and then not even realize what she did until it’s too late 😭

Awww now that you talked about it i remember you briefly telling me the tooru ending and thinking about it made my tiny heart sad then and sad now 🥺 its a bitter sweet ending while they end up together and basically love each others company, yn never ends up loving him 😔 But yes! Totally just write the ending you like best (even if that shatters everyone's heart 🥹) its your story after all 😌

→ THE TOORU ENDING. I remember back in 2022 when I was still getting so much ideas on how DTD would go, my heart really wanted a tooru ending but idk AGHSJA somehow along writing it, I did not really expect to fall for Omi and have him move up a notch on my faves so him or suna have the highest possible endings </3

So the evil in me is working.... while i still want iris to abort... Theres something mmmm say usually women are in danger or miscarrying in their first trimester and iris have been looking rather sick, rin also mentioned doctor telling iris to move bla bla in case she gets sick..... How fucked up would be if she i dont knowwww miscarried it? 👁️ I mean even if she survives the 1st trimester theres just so much stress in the royal life especially now that her safety net aka omi is kinda not feeling so 'safe' now mmmm

→ i actually did plan for iris to miscarry it because she would be too stressed out from being deposed but she's offscreen right now so even if she did miscarry, we would never know 😭

Well i read the full update.. I dont know who i despise more now tbh The queen or iris Probably still iris but i was not at all expecting the surpreme bitch to 1st threaten to kill Rin and second threaten to exile us and Rin and then threatening to make Tsumu above all the king like 👁️👄👁️ Welp i cried when we called for Rin while sick and when Rin rejected us.. Like i said i thought it would hurt less now that i know he loves us but ahah 🤡 I still hope iris miscarries or aborts or goes ahead and dies while miscarrying 🤷 Kinda don't get it why they're all 'i need her here as the father of the child in case she gets sick bla bla bla' when she basically admitted she never wanted to be with him at all since hes no real prince or even royalty, and since both wanted the kid gone AND with the obvious no no from the supreme bitch but wtf do i even know anymore 😭 Like why all this now? They say one thing then they do another at this point my heart and my body are too exhausted to even process reasons why 😭 So much for iris wanting to be our friend and wanting rin to move on and be with us 😒 Also i see you Omi but sorry i still foolishly stand for RinTeam

→ hate the queen more, she’s more fucked up lmao! NOOO BECAUSE PLANNING TO MAKE TSUMU KING WAS SO FOUL LIKE not only did the queen force an incestuous marriage but she really wanted a sex offender be king :skull: oh the whole “I need to be there for her because I’m her baby daddy” thing was actually NOT real at all lol, they never went to a doctor or whatever because both rin and iris plan on getting an abortion anyway. it really was just rin’s sick plan of inviting iris to their room so he can hurt us more when we return, because at that point he really didn’t want us getting close *sobs*

Until now rin always said 'it was always her never you' right? And he never really told us he loves us even tho we know (well we readers do). So imagine if he gets to the point where he just goes like 'it was never her it was always you' when he finally admits his true feelings Jfjsjkaofhak The fact this works in both an endearing good happy scene and a really angsty one, leaves me both hopeful and extremely terrified 🤣🤣🤣🤣😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

→ IT WAS NEVER HER IT WAS ALWAYS YOU AGHAJKS I NEED THIS SCENE TO HAPPEN SO BADLY and you’re so right!! whether it’s a happy ending or a sad one that line delivery would be so heartbreaking AAAAH WHY’RE YOU DOING THIS TO ME RIN

BRO THE MOMENT I SAW FORCED INCEST I HAD THIS WAR FLASHBACK OF YOU TELLING ME IRIS AND OMI WERE HALF SIBLINGS AND I IMMEDIATELY KNEW WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT DHSHGDBSJJAJJA Kinda... Made me realize that iris... Said she was lonely because her husband/HER BROTHER never touched her... 🤢🤢🤢 Like i would forgive her if they were step siblings like no blood related but half siblings.... Yeahhhhhh I was really fucking satisfied by seeing iris in deep shit but god fucking damnit bitch always has to find a way to get back up 😒 like fucking suffer bitch By the way tho since she knew about rin being a fraud doesnt that make her an accomplice 👀👀👀👀 cause he didnt know but she did sooooo if she never told anyone and 'protected' the secret BITCH YOURE GUILTY TOO! PRISON WITH HER! Now the part where rin was drunk had me wanting to spoil him full of kisses omg 😭😭😭😭 Us saying we would pick omi tho 😒😒😒😒😒 like no So the last part while im fucking jumping in happiness since we're with rin now im hating the fact we're all omi omi when in the very last chapter we admitted we still loved rin and well technically we said he still holds a big part of our heart so.. Praying omi was just infatuation since we were sad and cravingg affection 🤣🤣🤣🙏 Thank you so much for this chapter like holy shit i was in the edge of my sit the part where we shoot??? BRUHHHH SO GOOD

→ AGHJKSLAA YES ALTHOUGH I actually took out the whole half siblings thing with omi since I thought it was gonna be just sooo weird but I was like yknow what screw it!! AND YEAH LMAO that’s why omi never touched her. and yes it does make her an accomplice for keeping it a secret!! NAURRR UNFORTUNATELY OMI WAS NOT JUST AN INFATUATION LIKE. we loved him fr. but we also love rintaro (more than romantically) that we couldn’t abandon him… also thank you so much AAAA IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!

from: 🎧 anon

Owieee you had a busy week :(( but is oki now because it's done!! Speaking of my dream uni, my classes start on August 9 and to be honest, I'm scared because my schedule everyday (except Thursday and Saturday and Sunday) is from 7 am to 7 pm... Plus we still have Saturday classes and I still don't know if I officially have no class on Thursday or if it will be for something else. Yes, I still read Bonten Wives... I read it whenever I miss TokRev and watching Windbreaker made me miss them sm 😭😭 so I ended up rereading the manga again 🤧🤧 and I'm falling for Mitsuya and Rindou all over again 😭😭😭😭 AND YES!! JO IS DEFINITELY NOT A MANWHORE LIKE AIKU AJSHAHSHAHHA SUKI! From the moment I first saw Jo on screen, I knew, that I have fallen HAGSHAGSHAHAHA so here are my rambles This is quite common for genres like TokRev and Windbreaker but sometimes, I like to think on how I wanna patch up their wounds when they run to you. I imagine, Jo would act all smug at first before admitting that he's hurt 🥹🥹 I want a Jo Togame in my life 🤧🤧🤧🤧 Someone to snuggle and cuddle to and all that OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT! Imagine if the Yn that Jo is dating is like someone's little sister in Bofurin!!!! *sigh* can I not be a college student and just get transported in Windbreaker AHGSHAGSHAGSHA ALSO! Can't wait for later's update in DTD!!! Love ya lots!

→ OMG NGLL I DON’T THINK MY BUSY WEEKS ARE ENDING AGSHJK I have classes that are like 8-10 hours a day (sometimes less, sometimes more LOL) and I also go out like everyday so *screeches* also no way omg?! 12 hour classes?! weekend classes too? honestly I would cry but my class schedules were also like that for a while SOOOO BRACE YOURSELF BABE!!

and aww you still read bonten wives, that’s so cute! I actually miss tokrev so much too, like remember when it was so popular in 2021 and we just had so much content of it? like the dance trends, the filo memes, the timeskip content and everyone was just soooo hyped, ugh I miss that time. also!! rereading the manga after windbreaker is so real! when I got into WB I was actually missing tokrev so much but also I love how WB is still its own thing, and I’m just as in love with the characters as I did with tokrev! (okay, that’s a lie because I may or may not be a little more insane when it comes to the windbreaker boys. like. HAVE YOU SEEN SUO.) ALSO MITSUYA AND RINDOU – THE CANONICALLY BEST BOYFRIENDS <3 OH NO YEAH LIKE I DO FEEL LIKE TOGAME MIGHT GIVE OFF MANWHORE VIBES LIKE AIKU AT FIRST BUT?? idk, but I’ll forever die on the hill that togame is a soft loverboy!! aiku though… honestly I wouldn’t mind if he cheats on me because at least I’m still on his roster LMAO /lh

EEEE PATCHING UP JO’S WOUNDS?!! HIS BLOODY KNUCKLESS!! I think he’d be so soft and gentle while he just sits back and lets us do everything :< but yeah he’s going to play it off for sure and be like, “nah, this is nothing” but as soon as you’re not looking, he’s wincing from the pain AHSJKA. no omG I THINK ABOUT THAT ON THE DAILY TOO LIKE? TOGAME JO IS ACTUALLY MY IDEAL BOYFRIEND IN LIFE but where can I find a man like him?!?! ALSOOOO??????? SOMEONE’S LITTLE SISTER???? OOOH WHY DO I FEEL LIKE IT’D BE GOOD IF WE WERE UME’S LITTLE SISTER?!!?

awww love you lots too headphones anon, I hope you’re doing well in uni!!

[lunapwrites]

On Exequies

I have a tendency to write out my grief.

When I wrote Ouroboros, it was in the wake of the death of a parent with whom I had had a very difficult relationship, and had eventually gone no-contact with. I was presented with a similar choice as Remus was in the fic, only I chose not to reopen the door. (I was not alone in this, for what it's worth; I was one of 4 in that household, and all of us had gone NC. You'd think at some point she'd have realized she was the problem, but...) The fic was my way of processing the choice I didn't make, and forgiving myself for not making it - in large part because I only feel guilty about the fact that I don't feel guilty, if that makes sense.

Exequies is similar in execution, but vastly different in spirit. This was more... taking my experience and having a character act it out for me in order to create distance, so that I can look at it objectively. But it's similar in that it's cyclical. Different, in that the repetition is nervous, but it's also very deliberate. It's like a desperate little ritual that is the only thing standing between Molly and the abyss.

And that's been pretty true to life, I think. You just kind of... cling to your routine and your normal because the alternative is stopping and giving yourself time to think about it, and if your brain is only filled with what ifs then that's a dangerous proposition. Because I managed to go into this with a pretty practical mindset: it's no one's fault. But if I give myself time, I start looking around for something or someone to blame, and that finger usually winds up pointing right back at me. So, nose to the grindstone it is.

I almost ended up not finishing this fic - I was having more luck with avoidance as a processing tactic this time - but then my dad called me for my birthday yesterday, and I hadn't been expecting that bc they were supposed to be on a cruise until August (long story short, he broke his ankle on day 2 and had to cut the trip short - very on brand for him.) But he and his wife were the only ones in the family who didn't know. So. You know. They asked how things were going and I had to say they weren't anymore. And then his wife, who is... nice, but blunt would be an understatement, before anything else asks if I had lifted something. And... no. No, actually, sometimes shit just happens for no reason, and it sucks. But it had me feeling some kind of way, as I'm sure you can understand, so I managed to bang out the rest of the fic in one sitting.

It's unedited. Pretty raw. But I feel like it has to be. That's what all of this is.

And IDK. Maybe someone will read it and feel seen and take some comfort in not being alone. Maybe not. But just putting it out there that it was a pretty close approximation to my experience of day 1. It's not the whole experience - not even close - but... I was literally giving Bean a bath and having thoughts about how people wash the dead but I could only wash her instead, and then had the thought about Molly and her one sizeable gap between kids. And so the fic was born, title and all.

Not included was my very morbid thought that my body was a morgue, and various bits of black humor. Figured that was not on brand for Mrs Weasley.

Anyway. I'm fine, we get up and we carry on, and I'm very grateful to have good friends who come have sad Indian food with me and take me to the ER when I think I'm dying (spoilers: was not dying.)

Oh, and about the song: it happened to be the last song playing as I pulled into the parking lot at the doctor's office. It was still going when I got back into the car, so it's kind of intrinsically tied to that day. But here's the video if you want to save yourself a search. For whatever reason the embed isn't working on Tumblr.

[cyazurai]

Unfortunately, they weren't able to save the babies, and Fenella had a miscarriage.

They were twin baby girls, who I gave the names Ezhil and Esha.

[evita-shelby]

National Anthem

Chapter 12

Cw: miscarriage, prophetic nightmares, death, mention of kinks, some sex, angst

To those who playes 2 truths 1 lie, so sorry lol

Taglist: @thegreatdragonfruta @zablife

Jack’s smoked through tomorrow’s cigarettes trying to make sense of it. Rosie dreamt of doctors performing a lobotomy that apparently killed her, Junior dreamt he’d be shot in the head as he rode in a parade.

Laurie used to have nightmares of dying in mud and rain until he died in a trench in France in 1914. His sister Katie had dreams of coughing and choking on her own blood. Their mother once said their father had cursed blood, and that was why he got killed when he was a boy.

The gangster remembered all those times his enemies cursed his name and now wonders if curses can be passed on to children. He should talk to his wife about this, she knew more about this bullshit anyways.

“Tell me what?” speak of the devil. Wearing her velvet robe and braving the cold just to see what’s bothering him. They should be in bed, his witch trying to keep warm cuddling with him and thinking about the bungalow in Florida and that hammock in the backyard.

“Junior dreamt he died.” He could lie, he’s done it before, but he’d also like to sleep in his own bed instead of the couch tonight. Besides Eva would kill him for not telling her about this new development.

“Well, he did get pretty sick, there were times I thought he wouldn’t survive it.” She admits joining him on the freezing porch. He’s banned from smoking indoors because his witch couldn’t stand the smell when she was pregnant and now the habit stuck.

“Not that, he says he saw himself as an adult waving at a crowd and being shot in the head.” Jack takes one last drag of his cigarette before handing it to his wife. Eva only smokes when shit’s too dire to take on without one or in the wonderful occasions where she came from uninterrupted sex. Too bad it’s the former.

“When I see death happen, it usually doesn’t. You didn’t die that day in your office, the neighbor’s kid didn’t get hit by a car and I have yet to die.” This was more of a reminder than an actual explanation for this. Apparently, she can only predict a real death if it’s coming for people she doesn’t like or knows well.

“You can teach him and Joey how to shoot when they’re old enough if it eases your mind.” But it isn’t a real guarantee that this applied to the kids. She admitted she was scared about losing him that day, held him tightly that night and those after as if he might die.

Fucking hell, he never thought he’d have to deal with this shit when he decided Eva was gonna be his wife that day.

“Do you regret it?” she asks fearing he might. Evie’s mind reading has become so normal to him he’s no longer surprised his witch catches on to his thoughts like that. Makes it easier to unburden himself with her, doesn’t even have to voice it half the time.

“I never have and never will, sweetheart.” Jack is a man with few regrets, he never does anything unless he wants to and when he doesn’t, he sticks with it to the bitter end. Choosing her would never be one of them.

By May Junior’s nightmares are almost forgotten. Everything goes so well it is scaring her.

They have a house in New York now, a lovely mansion too big for them with servants catering to their every whim and armed men loyal to them. Jack’s success had merited such a move and after Junior’s nightmare, he was loath to leave them behind now.

Luca Changretta was gearing for a war overseas while Jack laid out the framework for their takeover from right under his nose. Even his Family were considering killing him to prevent the White Hand from taking their place.

They were making strides in society, all the must have invites, rubbing elbows with the right people and teaching people not to fuck with them. They’ve just returned from Calvin Coolidge’s inauguration after rubbing it in their competitor’s face.

John D. Hertz had been the unlikely bastard to learn that last year. He wanted protection from the Checker Taxis and his other enemies and would’ve gotten it if his words about her hadn’t pissed off Jack. Something that had caused an attack on the company stocks with the help of their connections.

Now it was the turn of the men who owned the rights to a western movie Eva foresaw making it big.

It had started with a movie house that refused to let Eva into their establishment on their first few dates as man and wife, then the entire chain out of spite and now Jack was aiming for Hollywood after securing New England and most of the East Coast.

She hasn’t rewarded him for this achievement yet, and because nothing else has managed to get her to shake off the unsettling images, Eva decides to wake him early on his day off. He won’t mind, loves it when she makes use of his morning wood for their mutual pleasure.

Would erase the nightmare from her mind along with her refusal to have another baby so soon after Kitty. He loves breeding her, loves seeing her fat and needy and loves its when her tits are full of milk.

He's a dirty bastard, anything and everything will find its way into the blessed times they can have fantastic uninterrupted sex. The new house lets them do that more often. Sometimes they’ll lock themselves in that room far away from the family wing made just for their sexual escapades and go at it like unhinged demons.

“Nightmares again?” As expected, Jack is very amenable to a good fuck before breakfast. Their three older children were at school and Kitty was sleeping like an angel, gave her the perfect opportunity to forget what haunted her dreams.

“I want to forget them.” She admits it in between kisses knowing he won’t say no. “Help me forget them, Jack.”

“As you wish, sweetheart.”

It is to no one’s surprise that Eva finds herself pregnant by Father’s Day. She is not happy about it, there is a terribly bad feeling about this pregnancy. Eva blames it on her vanity and loss of figure, not wanting to burden him with what she saw in her reading that day.

She won’t tell him the cards say they won’t be born.

Not all pregnancies agree with her.

Though not as bad as Rosie’s, this one is one of the bad ones. The doctor hasn’t put her on bedrest ---even if he did, she’d ignore it--- but you could tell something wasn’t right by the way she carried herself.

There’s something she’s not telling him, something his witch believes he can’t tell from looking at her. Been married for six years on the dot, Jack wagers he knows her better than anyone now.

“What’s wrong, Evie?” he asks, cornering her in her powder room as she got ready for their anniversary dinner tonight.

“Fucking department store didn’t have my color again.” She grumbles after applying lipstick a shade brighter than she likes. Evie likes to make herself up like a vamp, with dark burgundy lips and darker eyes to sell the whole mystical beauty look she has.

“Eva.” He warns against her lying and gets to the point. “I know there’s something you’re not telling me. Something about the girls we’re having.”

“Nothing’s wrong, just pregnancy fucking me up. Now hurry up, we’ll be late for the reservations.” Half true.

She’s weepy and tired all the time. Her sex drive going from wanting to kick him off the bed if he breathes in her direction to seeking him out in his office as if he hadn’t fucked her before he left. Still got five months to go, a lot could happen between here and January.

The nursery is half decorated, she’d put off ordering a crib for the twins and acted as if she were tempting fate this time around.

“I tell you everything, Eva, why won’t you do the same?” he asks her as they head downstairs, she turns to give him a look for guilt tripping her about it and in the next second she missteps and falls the rest of the way down.

Jack’s too beside himself to leave her side. The fall hadn’t been too severe, no bones were broken, no lasting head injury nor internal bleeding. The babies hadn’t made it as she fell on her stomach enough times to kill the poor things.

She hadn’t been told yet, the doctors had suggested he be the one to break the news to her after seeing Eva’s medical history. Jack has no idea how he’s going to confirm that her heavy bleeding is because they lost their unborn daughters.

Two tiny little things that barely looked human inside the doctor’s receptacle. Rosie had dolls that small, he thinks as he looks away from the babies they hadn’t even considered names for yet.

“I didn’t see them in the cards, they were never going to be born.” His wife finally tells him what she was hiding for four months. Just because the cards said nine babies didn’t mean all of them would live, she explains, and he listened to what she had resigned herself to as they mourn their dead babies.

His triumph over the Black Hand on January 1926 finds him smoking in the veranda after Eva tells him she wants to try again because the cards say they’ll have a baby boy next year.

[hawkinsbnbg]

2 years later and this is still the most painful whump i've ever written

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[moonspirit]

Hi Moon! I'm wondering about Annie's pregnancy thread on canon. Considering that she was previously a Titan's shifter, I think she will have trouble getting pregnant and may have a miscarriage. This issue is really often discussed in other Aruani fanfics. This situation, considering her past, may be a real problem. What do you think, Moon? If you agree, how do you think Annie and Armin would handle this situation?

Btw the last chapter was great as always ❤️ I hate Annie's father and I hope she doesn't live with him. Have a nice day!

Hello anon!

Yeah the headcanon that the titan power somehow fucks up a female shifter's reproductive health is one I also agree with, to an extent (I say extent because I usually don't allow myself to get into very dark areas like miscarriage, choosing to veer off into a more positive outcome well before that haha xD)

But to consider this idea right now... It would be devastating for both of them. Both Armin and Annie have been responsible for the death of innumerable lives, at different points of time, so to have their baby, their very own baby, die before even taking a breath in the outside world, would break them both, imo. For Armin, perhaps he would feel like it's a fate he deserves, to be punished with the loss of being unable to watch their baby being born healthy. For Annie, perhaps she would feel like a murderer, since the baby died inside her very own body, that she "killed" it.

For them both, their baby's probably a bright, hopeful, dream come true; in part because they can take care of someone carrying a little bit of both of them, and in part because they want their baby to live a life so very different from their own. So when the tragedy of a miscarriage happens, there's little doubt that both Armin and Annie's tremendous guilt and emotional breakdown over being unable to sustain their baby's life is going to eat at them.

And thank you so much for your kind words :3 Glad to know you're enjoying VBEOW.