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transandrobroism · 1 year ago

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an observation from several posts/conversations that could really help in avoiding a lot of misunderstandings: often when people talk about 'transmisogyny', they are using the term 'transmisogyny' to mean at least three different things simultaneously and conflating different meanings of the term in discussions. in general usage i've seen 'transmisogyny' used to mean:

transmisogyny-as-phenomena - i.e. 'transmisogyny' as a term for the intersection of transphobia and misogyny, a common feature of transfems' experiences;

transmisogyny-as-framework - in which transmisogyny is elevated to the level of a conceptual framework for understanding all transphobia. under this meaning everyone is encouraged/expected to conceptualise their experiences of transphobia through the lens of transmisogyny and run it through a filter of "how does this relate back to transmisogyny as the primary driving force for all transphobia"

on top of this both uses of the term are also conflated with the TMA/TME framework that divides people into two neat categories of those affected or primarily targeted by transmisogyny (transmisogyny affected, or TMA) and those exempt from transmisogyny and only accidentally impacted by it (transmisogyny exempt, or TME).

conflating all these meanings with each other is how you end up with soggy takes like "rejecting the label of TME is denying transfems the right to define and discuss their own oppression" which is a real thing that someone (transmasc) said to me. treating these concepts as all interchangeable meanings of the term transmisogyny contributes to a lot of the discourse and (frankly) animosity about discussions of transandrophobia, because when someone says something like "idk i just don't think transmisogyny is adequate as a robust framework for understanding how all transphobia works" or "dividing the world into TMA/TME is a flawed way of viewing transphobia and replicates the gender binary we're all trying to dismantle", that's a critique of transmisogyny-as-framework, but is read as a rejection of transmisogyny-as-phenomena, and thus is viewed as invalidating transfems' experiences.

add to that the fact that i've seen some people insist that transmisogyny is not just an umbrella term for the ways transfems experience transphobia but just means the intersection of transphobia and misogyny - but at the same time people insist that AFAB (trans) people are all exempt from transmisogyny by default and that our experiences should be discussed as 'misdirected transmisogyny'. which renders the de facto meaning of the term 'transmisogyny' an umbrella term for transfem experiences from which anyone not transfem is exempt.

the conflation of terms and definitions means any critique of transmisogyny or TMA/TME is taken as a denial of transfems' experiences. it also means that when transmascs propose a term like 'transandrophobia' - meaning the intersection of the identity positions of 'trans' and 'man', or more broadly a term for commonly-shared experiences of transmascs - that's read as an argument that all men are systemically oppressed for being men (it's not) and/or that transmascs are proposing transandrophobia-as-framework (again, not the case). but because 'transmisogyny' can refer interchangeably to both transphobic phenomena and experiences and a proposed conceptual framework for transphobia in general, the term 'transandrophobia' is misconstrued as a conceptual framework. we say "we've come up with a term to describe our experiences as transmascs" and people hear "you need to conceptualise all your experiences with transphobia in terms of the oppression of transmascs and centre our experiences in your discussions about your own marginalisation".

the reality is that most people discussing transandrophobia are not denying that transfems experience transphobia or denying that transmisogynistic phenomena happen. objections to the TMA/TME distinction are objections to a conceptual framework that treats all transphobia as just transmisogyny in a trenchcoat, and not a denial that transfems experience transmisogyny or are 'not oppressed' or whatever else.

for the record, i have no beef with transmisogyny either as a term for the intersection of transphobia and misogyny or as a term for shared transfem experiences. my critiques of transfeminst thinking are theoretical, namely:

transmisogyny-as-framework presupposes that the major driving force of all transphobia is a desire to target/punish trans women and that everyone else is caught in the crossfire. i don't think that's adequate as a conceptual framework because transphobia is better understood as a result of a gender-essentialist society punishing all non-normative performance of gender. it also relies on a lot of faulty assumptions about the transphobia that transmascs experience. transphobia experienced by transmascs is treated as a category-typical experience of transphobia (i.e. trans men get the 'just transphobia' version, whilst transfems get the 'transphobia plus' version)... but also transmasc oppression must be framed in terms of 'misdirected (trans)misogyny'. you can't treat trans men as having the most typical, 'basic' experience of transphobia whilst also insisting all transphobia is actually a form of transmisogyny misdirected at other trans people. those two positions are mutually contradictory. if all transphobia is actually about transmisogyny then transfems are getting the default transphobia experience and transmascs/trans nonbinary people/etc are all getting variations of that, not the other way around.

if you want to use transmisogyny as a framework for understanding all of transphobia, you cannot label anyone as exempt from transmisogyny. if transmisogyny is the proposed framework for understanding all transphobic discrimination of any trans person of any gender, then you are saying we all exist in a system of transmisogyny. therefore none of us are exempt from it. and if you're proposing transmisogyny-as-framework for all trans experiences, then all trans people get to weigh in on it, because you're applying it to all of us. i get to disagree with the framework being coercively applied to my experiences and i should be able to do that without being called transmisogynistic, because critiquing a framework you're asking every trans person to submit to is not synonymous with hating on trans women or denying their lived experiences or saying they're not oppressed. you can't insist that transmascs are TME by default whilst also insisting we only ever discuss our experiences as 'misdirected transmisogyny'. and you definitely can't label all transmascs as exempt from transmisogyny whilst simultaneously insisting we use transmisogyny as the conceptual framework within which we understand our oppression. that's trying to have your cake and eat it.

the TMA/TME framework is just reinventing binary gender but with extra steps. especially since in practice determining whether someone is TMA or TME seems to involve an awful lot of focus on people's assigned gender and what genitals they were born with.

a lot of this theorising follows a very radfem pattern of dividing everyone into two gendered categories, labelling one of those categories to Privileged Oppressor Class, and then heavily policing who gets to belong to the Oppressed Victims Class based on their genitals and socialisation. at which point you're just doing TERFism from the other direction. any framework that proposes we can understand gendered experiences in terms of a strict binary is automatically throwing intersex and nonbinary people under the bus. a comprehensive theory of trans experiences must have space for nonbinary identities and intersex experiences otherwise it is incomplete.

i'm making this post in good faith and i'm not denying the impact of transmisogyny on transfems. but i do think theorising around transmisogyny and TMA/TME as a framework have a number of flaws and i'm not going to use those frameworks to talk about my own experiences because they are theoretically inadequate. a robust theory of transphobia and trans experiences must have room for all trans experiences within it, as well as overlapping experiences of gendered oppression such as intersexism, misogyny, butchphobia etc. TMA/TME ain't it.

#transandrophobia #theorising #tma/tme

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transmutationisms · 2 months ago

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Do you have any reading recs on the moralization of personality traits/“character”? No worries if not, I’ve just been following you for a while and you seem well-informed on this sort of thing!

A Weak Spot in the Personality? Conceptualising “War Neurosis” in British Medical Literature of the Second World War (2012). Roberts-Pedersen, Elizabeth. Australian Journal of Politics and History 58, no. 3, 408–420

Einführung: Zur Zeitgeschichte «abnormer Persönlichkeiten» (2020). Geisthövel, Alexa. Gesnerus 77, no. 2, 173–205. DOI 10.24894/Gesn-de.2020.77009

Temperamental Workers: Psychology, Business, and the Humm-Wadsworth Temperament Scale in Interwar America (2018). Lussier, Kira. History of Psychology 21, no. 2, 79–99. URI http://search.proquest.com/docview/1994023436/abstract/C75409A404C94775PQ/1

Die psychiatrische Begutachtung von Kindern mit «abnormen Reaktionen» in der Zürcher Kinderbeobachtungs station Brüschhalde 1957 bis 1972 (2020). Galle, Sara et al. Gesnerus 77, no. 2, 206–243. URI https://brill.com/view/journals/ges/77/2/article-p206_3.xml

A History of the Early Days of Personality Testing in American Industry: An Obsession with Adjustment (2008). Gibby, Robert E. & Zickar, Michael J. History of Psychology 11, 164–184

The African-American Personality: Early Conceptions (2014). Williams, Brian K. Journal of African American Studies 18, no. 4, 498–507. URI https://doi.org/10.1007/s12111-014-9282-9

The Ambivert: A Failed Attempt at a Normal Personality (2017). Davidson, Ian J. Journal of the History of the Behavioral Sciences 53, no. 4, 313–331. URI https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/jhbs.21868

personality 'typing' is also impossible to separate from physiognomy and phrenology, so the broader literature on the former two is also fruitful even if what you're after is the more specific manifestation of personality psychology :-)

#book recs

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fragrantblossoms · 1 year ago

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Marcel Broodthaers & Julien Coulommier - Statues de Bruxelles - Editions des Amis du Musée d'Ixelles, 1987

Originally conceptualised in 1957, texts by Marcel Broodthaers and photographs by Julien Coulommier.

#Julien Coulommier #photography #fragrantblossoms

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severus-snaps · 1 year ago

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Legilimency & Occlumency & Emotion

i was reading something somewhere (possibly on my binge of metas last night, but who knows) that Snape was very talented at Occlumency, but just about average at Legilimency - but I respectfully disagree, and here's a whole (3k word) accidental ramble about it, which started as an observation and devolved into how I think Legilimency/Occlumency works in the context of Snape and Voldemort, and why I interpret it differently than it being (entirely) magical dissociation and actually quite an emotion-based skill once it's more complex TLDR: I've often seen Occlumency described/conceptualised as a "shield" or some kind of suppressed emotionless state, but I discovered upon writing this that I think it can be quite a bit more complex and emotional, actually - just like Snape <3

Snape's Talents

The idea that got me rambling today went something like "Draco, who only had a handful of lessons from Bellatrix, was able to keep Snape out of his mind using Occlumency - so Snape can't have been a very good Legilimens, or Occlumency was easy to do"

And I do agree that Snape was probably better at Occlumency than Legilimency by sheer quantity of practice alone - and also that, outside of using it on Harry (and Draco) when they were up to mischief, and Snape likely wishing he could use it to work out what Dumbledore was hiding from him, Snape had no desire to see, hear, interpret or otherwise get the gist of what anyone at Hogwarts was thinking - but especially not a bunch of pubescent students, nor colleagues who liked him on a surface level but obviously were not close enough to think Something Was Up when he killed Dumbledore (which, fair in some ways, unfair in others, but I digress)

[side note: Snape can't have just not used Occlumency for over a decade before Voldemort's return, so I like to think of him and Dumbledore practicing to keep his skills sharp - although I expect that would be another 'fun' way for Dumbledore to hold Snape in chains which would make for an interesting fic]

I suspect that if Snape had chosen to, he could've invaded Draco's mind in that scene, broken through whatever defenses Draco used - but that's not a very Snape thing to do to a student, and especially not one he knows well, was a family friend of, has closely seen grow up, and probably has a soft spot for. It's very reminiscent of his conversation with Narcissa, to me. Throughout that entire conversation with Draco, Snape was trying to comfort Draco, empathise with him, get Draco to trust him, confide in him, offer support to Draco whether he wanted it or not - not further alienate him to a point where Snape couldn't help. And besides, invading Draco's mind aggressively doesn't sit very well with his vow "to the best of your ability, protect him from harm".

And as for Harry's lessons, Harry was using spells - which Snape seemed surprised, interested, and almost impressed to learn that were effective against Legilimency, which isn't surprising in itself as it's not a widely used area of magic. And since Harry had no idea that Snape (and probably Dumbledore) were 'reading his mind' for years before he learnt about Legi/Occlumency, I don't expect many people would know if Snape used it, or put up a fight using those methods - other Death Eaters probably stuck to Occluding, because it would hardly garner any favour if they cast a stinging hex or Protego at Voldemort or in a DE meeting Which brings me back to my other point as well, which was that "Occlumency possibly wasn't difficult to do". On a rudimentary level that might be true (at least insofar as any advanced magic was difficult to do - Harry was actually quite talented, e.g. casting a corporeal patronus at 13/14 or whatever, and Draco could do it after a few lessons with Bellatrix). Harry learnt almost despite Snape, because he didn't take instruction from him well and because Snape is (intentionally) abrasive in lessons (which I could go on about, since Snape couldn't really be nice to Harry when Voldemort was possibly looking through harry's eyes at any given moment - and as other metas have pointed out was another layer to Snape's rage when Harry looked at his memories). But Snape could do it without a wand, without an incantation, so he was reasonably skilled - imagine casting a full body Patronus or other impressive spell with neither a wand nor an incantation

Also we don't know precisely how long Draco had lessons for, it might have been loads and he was actually pretty good, or it might have been 3 and he was awful. But unlike Snape, who is not the greatest Legilimens of all time (that's apparently Voldemort?), it was glaringly obvious to him that Draco was using Occlumency - Snape had him sussed in like 3 seconds, and chose not to go any further for the reasons I outlined above - which interestingly he did not do with Harry, when faced with finding out where Harry learnt Sectumsempra (but at that point both Snape and Draco's life had been on the line - if Draco dies, presumably so does Snape?)

Which brings me back to Snape... How I think Legilimency/Occlumency works (sometimes)

You have no subtlety The mind is a complex and many-layered thing It is true, however, that those who have mastered Legilimency are able, under certain conditions, to delve into the minds of their victims and to interpret their findings correctly. The Dark Lord, for instance, almost always knows when somebody is lying to him. Only those skilled at Occlumency are able to shut down those feelings and memories that contradict the lie, and so utter falsehoods in [Voldemort's] presence without detection.

There's a lot to take in there, and also pretty ballsy to say to Voldemort-by-proxy (Harry), which might reduce the validity of my idea that Snape didn't want to be nice to Harry during their lessons in case Voldemort was watching, since Snape's pretty happy to give Voldemort (and the reader, more likely) a complete insight into what he's himself doing... although I expect that Voldemort has considered this, and also doesn't recognise the limits of his own power - or the extent of Snape's.

I also wonder whether the 'certain conditions' are something simple, like eye contact being made or the spell being cast, or whether there's something to the mental state of the 'caster' at the time as well, like there is with Occlumency walls/shields and being calm and empty-headed, or whether the conditions is the Occluder themselves presenting (or not presenting) some alternative things to interpret. One of the wizarding world (I think) pages says Snape trained a 'slight natural ability', so that makes me wonder more, as well, but i digress.

But my second point is this: Snape's talents weren't Occluding by total shutdown, or Occlumency 'shields' which always now irk me in fanfiction (this I'm definitely drawing from another meta but I have no idea where, so... apologies). Snape wasn't throwing up a wall in front of entire memories or thoughts, for the most part. Although I expect that between the Pensieve and Draco's example use of Occlumency, that was sometimes a function (e.g. some of the things Dumbledore told Snape to pass along, he'd have to entirely block out, alter, or otherwise adapt those memories to make it look as though Snape had passed information along of his own volition against Dumbledore's orders, or hide the fact that he'd helped Dumbledore when he was supposed to be helping Voldemort, etc).

So inkeeping with my own questionable metaphor, where Draco threw up a wall - metaphorically crumbling, last-minute, cowboy builder Occlumency where the wall would hold but you could see it very clearly and obviously; where with a lesser Occlumens the wall was nice enough, but you could see where the paint job didn't quite match up and the plastering wasn't done very evenly; Snape had the whole house set up so that you didn't know the wall wasn't there from the start, and probably had a few artfully chosen scuffs to make it seem real, or it was some kind of trapdoor under the carpet. (okay the metaphor died, but I've been watching a lot of remodelling shows lately, you get the point if you've read this far)

In another metaphor I imagine detecting a lie to be like running your fingertips along a smooth surface and finding a lip or a bump - you could then, pick at it, poke at it, tear it open. You could sense that something was being hidden, or withheld. But there were no lips or snags in Snape's thoughts; potentially Voldemort could simply not detect them, not even when he searched him openly, repeatedly, full eye contact, at the table at Malfoy Manor. Snape welcomed Voldemort into his (it's just occurred to me, but "mind palace") and Voldemort repeatedly, for years, could not tell that anything was amiss, and presumably Voldemort did this with much more ferocity (and skill) than Snape looking at Harry for 2 seconds and immediately summoning Harry's mental image of the Prince's copy of Advanced Potions Making

But it can't be down to detection alone. There's also a level of interpretation to Legilimency. So here I'm focusing on a more interesting aspect to me, which is how emotion is used in Legilimency/Occlumency. Obviously, Snape isn't Occluding all the time, and as much as I adore Alan Rickman, book!Snape was naturally a total petty, stuttering mess (love him for it) who only wishes he had Alan Rickman's gravitas, and could on occasion emulate it.

I told you to empty yourself of emotion! … Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily — weak people, in other words — they stand no chance against his powers!

I think this quote is interesting for many reasons I probably won't be able to connect properly and are in no particular order beyond how I thought of them

Snape is emotional here when he says it, he's angry, annoyed, upset, and it's an honest feeling, and he's obviously not devoid of emotion but can still Occlude Harry

Snape is an emotional person, much as he tries to pretend not to be, and can still Occlude Voldemort just fine even on the night he thinks he's marching to his death at the end of GoF

Much like how many other kinds of magic require lots of study and a strong emotion/will/conscious thought at the start, perhaps it become easier with experience to the point where this advice is not essential (e.g. kind of like driving, I no longer have to think about changing gears like I did as a Learner)

Snape is also talking about himself here, indicative of Snape's worldview where showing 'weak' emotions is the problem - soft emotions, vulnerability, "never tell".

"Provoke" is exactly what Voldemort does to Harry

This is Occlumency 101; Snape's teaching Harry the most basic of Occlumency - to compartmentalise, to block someone out, to throw up that shoddy but sturdy-enough wall for Voldemort to come up against, like Draco did to Snape. Harry's anger and emotion is a weakness in this basic Occlumency lesson, where Voldemort is trying to look through Harry and/or trick/provoke him; thus, the wall.

But this probably isn't the kind of Legilimency Voldemort would use on Snape (which is to see if he's lying, if his information is real, if his values are aligned, etc), and it probably isn't the kind of Occlumency Snape was doing in return, to lie or deflect suspicion or ingratiate himself. In fact, throwing up a wall is the opposite of what Snape does with Voldemort; Snape lets him in, lets him stare him down in front of an audience, all the while showing Voldemort what he wants to see. I think as well there's an element of a Legilimens 'grasping' for something, searching, "provoking", like how Snape 'grasped' for Harry's memories of Advanced Potions Making, how Voldemort appears to search Snape at Malfoy Manor - so if all Snape presents is a memory, empty, devoid of any complexity, Voldemort would question it.

In my interpretation, when Occluding, Snape displays a different type of emotional control; Complex Occlumency means you control your emotions, yes, but not block them off - Snape takes his emotions where they need to go, makes them do what they need to do, to support the interpretation he wants Voldemort to reach. He chooses to some extent what Voldemort sees if he lies outright or omits details (a well made wall, basic Occlumency), and chooses how to present it (complex Occlumency). And he does it with subtlety; he doesn't often outright lie, and there's a lot left to interpretation - in both Snape's speech (with Bellatrix) and his actions throughout the books, and presumably his Occlumency.

So I suggest that Snape, in a situation with Voldemort, must be able to "lift up" or "lean into" an alternative emotion for interpretation - the decoration around the wall, the interior design, if you will. For example, Snape couldn't tell Voldemort that he desired Lily, in a total absence of any feelings at all, without it coming across as false and thus easily detectable as a lie. And you know that when a young Snape, who's hardly made a name for himself (Snape's likely never killed, at least, and isn't especially memorable to anyone in Azkaban and is last named by Karkaroff, and other things I won't go into here) outside of overhearing half a prophecy begs for a Mudblood Order member who's the mother of Voldemort's downfall who's thrice defied him to be spared, you can bet that Voldemort will want to thoroughly find out why, so...

To me this suggests that there was a level of desire there that Snape could 'lean into', whether that desire be for Lily or someone else he found desirable to act as a kind of substitute - though given that Legilimency seems to work on mental images and memories at least in part, a memory where he desired Lily would've been useful. And I'm just using that as an example, because Voldemort would also presumably at some stage have interrogated what Snape thought of Dumbledore and Harry, and Snape would've had to lean into feelings of hatred and loathing - which he'd manage just fine for Harry, but Snape would have leant into his feelings after Dumbledore silenced him after nearly getting eaten by a werewolf and again freeing Sirius in PoA, but I digress

When Harry finally learns Occlumency (by his own admission) in the wake of Dobby's death, it's grief that helps him master it - which, for me personally, is not a detached, clear-headed feeling in any sense. It's visceral, emotional, and painful; all-consuming. It's love/grief/loss/strong loving emotion that forces Voldemort out, after he loses Sirius and again when he loses Dobby. But it's a contrast to the emotions Voldemort uses of Harry's to draw Harry out, via his fears for Sirius. But with grief, Harry's dived headfirst into feeling what Voldemort doesn't want to feel (unlike the anger), to keep Voldemort out of his mind. Whereas Snape would do the opposite, and dive right in to the feelings Voldemort would want to sense - to the exclusion of others. Would Voldemort even think to search for Snape's love for Lily, if he was first presented with something more visceral, with more negative connotations, like desire or jealousy, hurt or betrayal? These are the emotions Voldemort thrives on and can exploit, that he's familiar with, that he understands. In the context then of 'grasping' that's how I think Snape leads Voldemort down a path of believing him - by bringing honest 'negative' emotions to the fore that Voldemort understands.

this is really where I think skilled Occlumency differs from dissociation or wall-building. I think Snape would simultaneously have to dampen his 'lie' feelings and to raise the volume on the 'fitting' feelings for his chosen interpretation. My interpretation of this all stems from my experience of writing, of getting lost in music, in using those activities to "wallow" in certain feelings. Snape does not present Voldemort with his true feelings, but they are real feelings. So in that way, I feel Snape was like an artist or writer; he felt deeply, he felt conflictingly, and dived headfirst into those wells of emotion when he needed to - diving so deeply that it cuts off and hides the conflicting evidence. I feel that when I'm writing, when I'm listening to music, when I'm wallowing. And I feel a lot of sympathy for Snape, because it can feel like a real whiplash when you're midway through writing an intense scene or listening to some excellent music that really fills you up with something, it can take you to some dark places, and it's quite shocking somehow when abruptly interrupted - which would be what his life was constantly like after Voldemort's return, leaning into and shying away from/shutting down emotions and memories he didn't necessarily feel whenever he was called, and then having to return to work or meetings in that headspace, where everything feels out of touch and you're in internal turmoil. (Granted, I can snap out of it because the music or the writing is neither here nor there, really, but he'd be doing it with his own life experiences, with his own life on the line, and to repay a debt of guilt - there's a lot more emotional baggage there, and even more once Dumbledore died). And I think it would take its toll in other ways, too, which leads me to Lily...

Far from some people's cries that possessive or obsessive attraction or desire is some huge moral failing, I'd argue that you'll find a level of it in most teenagers and indeed the regular spectrum of human emotion - I know I've certainly experienced feelings of intense jealousy and whatever 'Snaters' (I'm not a massive fan of the term, but as a shorthand) accuse Snape of, whether I acted on it or not. So I'd suggest that Snape 'leant into' that for the sake of being on the receiving end of Voldemort's Legilimency. Whether Snape regularly, or actually, felt those emotions of his own free will or not is hard to say - since there's no actual evidence he did act possessive or jealous beyond the normal teenager level (and that's without addressing the fact that we didn't know how he would've ended the sentence "I won't let you -"). And I'd also go as far as to say that Snape probably, truly, had some awful thoughts (don't we all?) and so he was able to lean into some very dark and gloomy nooks and crannies of his mind, the parts we're told healthy people steer clear of acting on but also undoubtedly experience (jealousy, possession, rage, bitterness) in much the same way as a writer, artist, or musician might, to make his 'lies' and the stories he told more 'truthful' - which was why Voldemort trusted him so much.

TLDR: Snape's a man of many contraditions and very much emotional depth, and he manipulated his own emotions (likely to the detriment of his mental health) for years. But just as I, a fanfic writer, can vicariously experience the bitter resentment for a person who doesn't love me, can imagine a world where he can think those thoughts, embody them, and still not take them on as part of his identity.

anyway i don't have a conclusion, I just had thoughts

[Side note not strictly related to ANY of the above: I find it interesting as well that Voldemort's skill is apparently specifically in working out whether people are lying to him, suggesting that you could specialise even further into different aspects of behaviour. But people do lie to Voldemort (Narcissa, Snape, off the top of my head, but there's no indication of Voldemort using Legilimency on Narcissa in that moment where Harry lives - Voldemort was too elated, once again caught up in his own glory). [side side note: Harry's treatment after his 'death' does make me wonder, briefly, about Snape's own treatment when he returned at the end of GoF - public torture and humiliation, an opportunity for the other DEs to turn on one of their own to 'increase their own standing' in Voldemort's eyes, crucio to weaken Snape's defences, to check that his information and loyalty true? i get the impression that Snape shared his information with Voldemort privately, given that Bellatrix didn't seem to know much about Snape's return, but who's to say there wasn't some 'fun' beforehand, or at other points during his time as spy]

#snape meta #severus snape #pro snape #professor snape #snape fandom #snape #legilimency #occlumency #long post #my thoughts #snaps-meta

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schoemu · 4 months ago

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CUNO - And just like that, the Cuno has fallen asleep. His head rattles against the window of the Coupris, and his arms slowly slip out of their crossed state. Awake, he'd have suited them back up under your gaze. Unconscious, his body tilts towards you.

YOU - A synapse suddenly connects in your brain. Blood flows through your chest. You remember this.

INLAND EMPIRE - Tired children, cuddled up on bunk beds. Ten minutes ago, they were begging for another round of hide and seek. Now, all they are hiding from is the cold. Your giant frame casts a shadow over their scrawny bodies, as you make sure the blankets will protect them through a small glimpse into their room. "Good night, Mister Du Bois," one of them murmurs. Your hand tightens on the door knob in surprise. "Good night, you little monsters," you grin and close the door.

CUNO - He will not remember you offering your shoulder. He will only remember you waking him up.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "Fucking finally..."

CONCEPTUALISATION - ... The beast is sleeping.

YOU - You smile. "Yeah."

CUNO - The beast is just a kid.

kuuno de ruyter, disco elysium.

***

to be honest, i was just doing a little warm up with a random picture, but then halfway through, my mind went eepie ginger boy cuno and then fought against the intrusive thought that argued "but cuno is supposed to be an ugly kid!!!!" by asking "but have you seen kids sleep?!?!?!? they're never ugly when they sleep."

what happened in the end is this small fan......fic (???) to hopefully make it work!! :-)

thank you all for over 3000 (!!!) notes on my kim post! TT it was overwhelming to receive so much kindness in such a short amount of time, because i'm still quite new to sharing my stuff online;; i hope i can continue to provide work to this lovely fandom :-3 <3

#disco elysium #cuno de ruyter #fanart #digital art

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morallygay · 8 months ago

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Frenchblr je me demande un truc. Je prononçais souvent “ennemi” avec un d à la place du double n, comme “ed’mi” quand j’étais enfant. Même aujourd’hui je conceptualise le mot à moitié avec le son d et le prononce comme tel parfois sans faire exprès; c’est juste plus facile. J’aimerais savoir à quel point c’est commun.

#francophone mutuals this is your time #upthebaguette #up the baguette #linguistique #frenchblr #moralgayness

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knoepfchen · 4 months ago

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for reference:

intellect - logic, encyclopedia, thetoric, drama, conceptualisation, visual calculus

psyche - voition, inland empire, emapthy, authority, esprit de crops, suggestion

physique -endurance, pain threshold, physical instrument, electrochemistry, shivers, half light

motorics - hand-eye coordination, perception, reaction speed, savoir faire, interfacing, composure

i find there's certain skills i'm always more drawn to when playing, and i have to go out of my way to make different choices to get a different game experience... so i want to know what everyone's faves are

#disco elysium #harry du bois #harry x kim #i'm a motorics girlie myself #very closely followed by psyche #currently doing a playthrough where i'm prioritising physique and it is WILD #this is a whole different game haha #(which i knew would happen but not as much as it did!)

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thedenmdy · 1 year ago

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Accessibilité, design, codage… : par où commencer pour le (re)design de mon forum ? (2/2)

Ceci est la suite de mon premier post disponible ici ! (je suis en galère sur la mise en page, bear with me KLJDHSD) -- Suite aux différents questionnements qui viennent nourrir ton processus de design, on passe à un peu plus tangible.

Conceptualisation : Comment ?

Comment est-ce que tu peux atteindre les objectifs que tu t’es fixé dans les questions précédentes ?

Ça peut passer par une liste des templates que tu veux revoir en priorité, ça peut passer par des checklist de fonctions à intégrer à ces templates pour ne rien oublier.

Personnellement, je recommande de passer par une étape de wireframe pour ne pas partir trop à l’aveuglette et garder le cap sur la quantité de travail à venir !

Qu’est-ce qu’un wireframe ? En gros, dessiner des grosses boîtes pour symboliser tes fonctions, et bricoler un squelette de page avec pour savoir comment structurer ton nouveau design sans rien oublier ! Un wireframe prend n’importe quelle forme, du gribouillis sur papier au Figma collaboratif en passant par des post-its, c’est toi qui décides ce qui te parle le plus !

Voici une liste de petits conseils en vrac à garder en tête lorsque tu t’approches de la construction tangible de ton nouveau design :

Concentre-toi sur les fonctions qui font vivre le forum en priorité 🔥

Tu veux donner l’espace à tes membres pour écrire et construire leurs histoires et leurs personnages, pour échanger entre joueur.se.s en paix ! Contrairement à ce qu’on a laissé s’installer comme standard, il vaut mieux parfois éviter de se disperser et de trop en faire au risque de non seulement rendre l’expérience trop complexe pour tes membres, mais aussi de te mettre une pression énorme en tant que staff.

Le coeur de nos forums, c’est le RP sans distraction (écriture comme lecture), mais aussi la création d’univers avec les médiums que chacun.e préfère ! Ça passe aussi par le confort que tu peux apporter en proposant une interface claire qui les mettra en confiance pour créer. Par exemple, passer 75% du temps d’écriture à débuguer un code de fiche n’est pas très motivant pour la créativité (sauf pour les bouffeurs de cartes graphiques de ce monde, je me compte dedans 🤡). De même, perdre du temps pour retrouver X ou Y information parce que la navigation est trop complexe ou les annexes peu lisibles dissuadent également de potentiels nouveaux arrivants !

N’aie pas peur de jeter tout ce qui est superflu - promis, ça va aller ! 🙆‍♀��

As-tu réellement besoin de ce champ “inventaire” dans le profil des membres ou est-ce que ça peut simplement être une liste dans un post dans la gestion des personnages ? Est-ce que toutes les informations affichées sur ma page d’accueil sont-elles utiles au quotidien et/ou très nécessaires ? On l’a tous.tes rencontré, ce problème…

Retirer ce qui n’est pas utile, c’est non seulement un gain de place et d’espace pour améliorer la lecture de ton forum, mais aussi un gain de temps et d’énergie pour toi, codeur.se, graphiste, admin qui doit maintenir ton forum, que de ne pas s’embêter avec 20 différents champs de profil dans un mouchoir de poche, ou des citations vagues pas toujours très claires ni très utiles dès qu’il y a un blanc à combler.

C’est un peu la technique Marie Kondo, mais pour les interfaces web, et peut-être en un poil plus radical. If it does not spark joy (ou si ça ne vous est pas utile au quotidien), alors tu peux jeter - ça ne te manquera probablement pas ! Et rien n’est définitif. Si finalement, ça s’avère important, tu le verras très vite !

L’accessibilité web, c’est tout d’abord pour les utilisateur.rices en situation de handicap, évidemment. C’est très important, c’est le but prioritaire de l’initiative. Mais si tu peux et veux aller plus loin, ça ne s’arrête pas là !

C’est aussi rendre ton forum utilisable et inclusif pour des membres qui n’ont pas forcément les moyens de posséder du matériel dernier cri, c’est le rendre accessible aux potentiels membres qui ne vivent pas dans une grande ville et/ou avec une connexion internet datée…

L’accessibilité web au sens large englobe tout profil d’utilisateur pouvant être défavorisé.e d’une manière ou d’une autre (par des troubles physiques, neurologiques, par leur milieu social, par leur localisation géographique…) qui l’empêcherait de pouvoir venir s’amuser avec d’autres joueur.se.s…

À titre d’opinion plus personnelle, j’aime aussi penser que l’accessibilité web dans sa mission la plus large devrait également englober l’inclusivité ; parce qu’un espace, une communauté ou un produit qui discrimine d’une quelconque manière n’est à mon sens, tout simplement pas accessible par définition.

Commence ton nouveau design avec les best practices courantes en tête, et tiens-toi y au maximum !

C’est peut-être plus facile de commencer de quasi-zéro, plutôt que de repasser balise par balise sur un code déjà créé (peut-être par d’autres personnes, peut-être ayant vu passer de nombreuses modifications au fil du temps… un casse-tête en perspective).

La base du Blank Theme de Geniuspanda propose une bonne base propre si tu es découragé.e par les thèmes de base de Forumactif (as you should, c’est un joli bazar).

Parmi les conseils et best practices plus techniques à garder en tête lorsque tu construis ton design d’interface, en voici quelques-un (mais mes collègues créateur.rices ont déjà beaucoup écrit à ce sujet, quelques liens sont dispo en fin de post !)

➡️ Tu connais le laïus des tailles de typo… on reste à 14px minimum pour le texte courant, et des interlignes de 150% de la taille du texte !

Le choix des typographies également est important - garde les zigouigoui fancy pour des gros titres seulement, et fais dans la simple sans-serif/sans empâtements (de type Helvetica/Arial) pour le corps de votre texte !

Les typographies serif/à empâtements (de type Times) sont faites pour l’imprimerie, pas le web… si tu y tiens, elles peuvent cependant faire de très bons titres, si la taille de caractère est suffisamment grande !

➡️ Le gras, l’italique, les couleurs, les paragraphes clairement définis… sont des éléments indispensables à la lecture de ton contenu, surtout s’il devient long.

Ils ancrent l’oeil lorsqu’on parcourt la page et nous aide à lire plus rapidement et sans s’épuiser, et attirent notre attention pour mieux se concentrer !

Attention aux choix de couleurs : outre le contraste et les potentiels membres atteint.e.s de daltonisme, n’oublie pas non plus le changement entre light et dark mode, par exemple ! Cette teinte de rouge bordeaux sera très bien sur fond clair, mais si la moitié de tes membres utilisent le dark mode, c’est foutu…

➡️ VIRE MOI CE TEXTE JUSTIFIÉ DE LÀ ! (je rigole zéro I will die on this hill .) (vas-y, je regarde .) (👁️ 👁️)

Trève de clowneries, pour le web en particulier, même si beaucoup trouvent ça visuellement “satisfaisant”, la justification est un désastre de lisibilité. Les espaces entre les mots d’une police de caractères sont précisément calculés pour faciliter la lecture et le mouvement de l’oeil ; par défaut, la justification dérègle et déséquilibre ce travail.

C’est un mode d’alignement qui est fait pour des paragraphes de texte aux largeurs précisément calculées (du genre : colonnes dans un journal) et donc fait pour l’imprimerie, et pas pour des écrans et des interfaces responsive à largeur variable !

➡️ Le scroll interne, c’est (pour la majorité des cas) démodé : dit comme ça, c’est un peu sensationnel, mais c’est réel.

Autrefois, on voulait tout caler dans une seule page au maximum, avoir toutes nos informations dès le premier chargement. Certes, avoir les informations importantes en haut de page et même above the fold (avant de commencer à descendre dans la page au-dessus de la bordure du bas de la page) est bien, mais ce n’est plus aussi important qu’avant. Dites merci aux smartphones et aux réseaux sociaux aux scroll infinis, qui nous ont clairement fait accepter le geste comme partie intégrante de notre expérience web !

N’aie pas peur d’avoir des longues pages : si le contenu est clairement lisible et structuré, ce n’est plus un problème. Il vaut mieux être transparent.e sur la vraie longueur de tes pages d’emblée et la montrer à tes membres dès le chargement de la page, plutôt que de tout planquer dans des petites pochettes-surprise au scroll interminable et souvent très ��triquées.

➡️ Optimise tes images dès que possible : une image devrait idéalement peser moins de 500Kb, 1MB peut-être maximum si il s’agit d’une image importante (par exemple, un header ou un fond). Limite l’utilisation de gifs animés au minimum, et veille à ce qu’ils ne soient également pas trop lourds. Pour optimiser tes JPEG ou tes PNG, compresse-les sur Photoshop ou similaire à l’export d’abord, puis tu peux également les passer à la moulinette Tinypng pour diminuer encore leur poids !

➡️ Less is more : laisse respirer ton forum !

C’est important pour la hiérarchie des informations, et pour pouvoir lire le contenu sans se fatiguer. Un espace vide n’est pas une mauvaise chose !

Alternativement et débat peut-être parallèle, j’aimerais pouvoir déconstruire cette idée reçue qui s’est établie au fil du temps que plus il y a de choses, mieux c’est. Les forums rpg sont victimes d’une course au toujours plus pour se démarquer, qui est très “naturelle” d’un point de vue social, concurrentiel et au fil de l’évolution des modes. Ça a aussi toujours été au détriment de l’accessibilité - ce n’est pas nouveau (fallait voir la gueule des trucs en 2005 je vous jure, on se rend vraiment pas compte du chemin parcouru KDJSHD).

Mais en 2024, non seulement on a des voix pour se rendre compte qu’on peut et doit mieux faire, mais aussi les outils pour ! C’est difficile à intégrer et ce sera une idée pré-concue qui risque de durer encore longtemps, mais un forum simple et épuré n’est pas un mauvais forum ! Il y a d’autres moyens de construire un univers original, créatif et visuel que par l’accumulation et le maximalisme ambiant qui s’est installé au fil des années, au détriment de beaucoup d’autres choses importantes (perte de temps de construction/maintenance, pression de la surenchère, diminution des performances techniques/augmentation des temps de chargement, et, évidemment, le manque de lisibilité et accessibilité).

Si nos parents (et même nous encore) étions capables de nous projeter dans des jeux de rôle sur table sans rien d’autre qu’un MJ et une fiche de personnage gribouillée sur un bout de papier, je suis persuadée qu’on n’a pas besoin de tout ça pour créer et écrire sur Internet !

Disclaimer de fin

Celleux qui connaissent mes projets pourraient me jeter la pierre du “faites ce que je dis et pas ce que je fais” là dessus, je plaide coupable. Personne n’est parfait, aucun forum n’est parfait !

Le mien comme tout autre a son lot de problèmes et de points à améliorer dont le staff est conscient, pour diverses raisons pour la plupart historiques, et est victime d’une tendance très personnelle à vouloir être toujours trop exhaustive (mais je me soigne… un peu… vous pouvez constater la longueur de ce post, c’est compliqué LOL). Et pour chaque problème réglé, peut-être que de nouveaux apparaîtront ailleurs.

Mais avec le temps, ça se corrige ! Tous ces points sont des choses que l’on peut améliorer petit à petit, en remettant nos choix en question régulièrement après un peu de recul.

À titre d’exemple, on travaille (lentement) en ce moment sur une grosse refonte du code et du design (le gros de la version actuelle datant de l’été 2022), avec une nouvelle revue de la typographie et de l’utilisation de l’espace qui se fait évidemment toujours trop tarder, mais aussi avec une emphase particulière sur l’optimisation des scripts additionnels du forum. Ajoutés récemment dans une phase initiale de test pour juger de leur accueil dans la communauté, ils sont cependant mal optimisés (tournent à vide sur des pages sur lesquelles ils ne sont pas utiles, demandent trop de ressources…). Ils sont même aujourd’hui sont une très grosse cause de nos problèmes de performance actuellement, et posent souci à plusieurs membres dont le matériel a du mal à suivre, ce qui n'est franchement pas viable. Avec cette refonte, on essaie de nous recentrer sur le “où”, “quand” et “comment” : sur quelles pages et à quel moment de mon utilisation du forum ces gros scripts sont-ils nécessaires ? Comment puis-je les réorganiser avec les outils que Forumactif me propose ?

En conclusion…

Si le débat ou la démarche de refaire toute ton interface te fait peur, c’est normal !

Déjà, Forumactif n’aide pas (trop - pour mettre le nez dans du vrai webdev quotidiennement, ça pourrait être bien pire, honnêtement. Le service proposé a un potentiel immense pour quelque chose de 100% gratuit !), notre matériel de base n’est pas optimisé ni facile à comprendre pour les plus novices. Et bordel, un forum, c’est pas juste une page statique, c’est une interface super complexe, quand on y pense !

Mais aussi, il s’agit d’un hobby, et il n’y a pas vraiment de “bon” moyen universel pour essayer d’améliorer l’accessibilité et l’usabilité de son forum. On fait avec notre temps libre et nos connaissances, et si vous n’avez pas le temps et les capacités de pousser plus loin que des tailles de police ou d’interligne, eh bien, au risque de me répéter, j’ai envie de dire que c’est déjà mieux que rien.

Toute initiative peut être une bonne initiative, tant que tu la prends ! La première étape est d’être conscient.e des améliorations possibles et d’accepter qu’on devrait mieux faire quand on le peut.

Je ne saurais que vous encourager à entamer la démarche, le reste viendra en temps et en heure - que ce soit en termes de temps libre, d’énergie ou de connaissances !

Et surtout : demande-toi toujours “pourquoi” 🫶 Merci d'avoir lu jusque là et : courage, tu peux le faire !!

Quelques ressources utiles

Pour se renseigner

Le manifeste du W3C sur l’accessibilité web

The ultimate UX Design Thinking par Annie Dai (en Anglais)

Overlay Fact Sheet partagée par @brunswicked

Tutoriels et conseils

La section tutoriels du forum du Blank Theme par @code-lab

Rendre vos forums plus accessibles par @noxeternam

Conseils d’accessibilité graphique par @andthesunrisesagain

Tips d’optimisation de votre design par @aeroplvne (la bise !)

Installer un dark/light mode par @decrescxndo

Mon petit plaisir du lot pour l’inspiration…

Je vous conseille de lire la série de posts de @code-lab sur le développement du design de What Remains (1 - 2 - 3 - 4)

Même si ça peut paraître être une dose de travail et de recherche assez énorme pour quelque chose que vous faites dans votre temps libre, c’est simplement très intéressant pour observer la démarche de design dans ses phases de construction et avec des visuels à l’appui !

#ux design #design thinking #accessibilité #forum rpg #rpg francophone #conseils

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doloresdisparue · 1 year ago

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i so often see people say "lolita should have been written from dollys perspective" and while i understand the sentiment (apart from the fact that its a stupid argument because a book from dollys perspective would be a completely different book and not fulfil any of the narrative functions "lolita" does) what annoys me here is... THOSE BOOKS EXIST. but theyre not going to become cultural juggernauts overnight, not even the good ones. you have to actually seek them out and read them.

i started looking for lolita adjacent books a year ago and i could name you 5 lolita "spin-offs" off the top of my head, NOT counting 'los diary' because that one sucks or 'my dark vanessa' bc at least that one is fairly well-known (roger fishbite, molly, journal de L, LO, darling river) . i could immediately name you another five non-lolita csa books from the victim/survivor pov that i personally read and liked (mysterious skin, lullabies for little criminals, a good chunk of the george miles cycle, flying in place, gemma) as well as another five that i didn't love but that had redeeming features (living dead girl, a little life, such a pretty girl, tricks, the day before)

this isn't even counting books that interrogate the gender stereotypes in perpetrator narratives (any man, tampa) or books taking the pov of children trying to cope with abuse they cant conceptualise even if they arent directly experiencing sa (room) or the nonfiction book about the horner case (the real lolita), the fictionalisation thereof (rust & stardust) or memoirs heavily featuring lolita (being lolita, excavation).

this is just stuff i found in the last year (as someone who usually avoids drama, ya, romance and crime novels) and i have probably 50 more on my tbr. these books are not hard to find, definitely not in the age of goodreads, but we do actually have to look for them and talk about them if we want to highlight these types of narratives in the cultural discourse instead of attacking another book that happened to get famous for not being something completely different.

#CLEARLY in this day and age we do in fact still need books that help you lesrn critical thinking and reading #this website more than proves that #i will write that book rec list but im omw to training rn and ranting on my phone so #lolita novel #bookblr #vladimir nabokov #like 'this book deliberately from the villains pov meant to show you he is unreliable should be from his victims pov'#that is a FULLY DIFFERENT BOOK. please.

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garessta8 · 9 months ago

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RANDOM THOUGHTS NEVER END

There's a trend in the fandom to give characters their own set of skills similar to Harry's, but with their own names, descriptions, and - based on the author's Conceptualisation skill - portraits. The practice stems from the same creative origin as making trollsonas, original stands, and OCs in general.

Usually I can only applaud the creativity that goes into it, but in this case, I feel like people coming up with the skills are missing a point of them.

The perspective of skills themselves being tied to a character's personality is incorrect, or at least, not entirely correct. If you look at them, Harry's skills are pretty abstract for the most part. Like Volition, Authority or Electrochemistry - everybody have them. At most, they might call it differently, but they are the same ducks that quack the same.

Everybody has even more niche skills like Conceptualisation and Visual Calculus, although many people will have them at very low numbers, possibly even negatives. Even Esprit de Corps doesn't have to relate to cop culture specifically. It can be about any culture a character is a part of.

So the skills are more or less universal. But. BUT. BUT! What's not universal are relative values of those skills and what exactly they tell to the character. THIS is what makes a character's personality. Harry's skills are his intrusive thoughts and his desire to do better, and his funkiness and disco - no one else's.

Other people's skills tell them different things - verbally or non-verbally... (Most people only have one voice in their head, it's called thinking)

An example:

I, too, have Electrochemistry. But while Harry's Electrochemistry tells it to do drugs and booze, mine considers alcohol nasty and urges me to eat more of those delicious cookies instead. Harry's Rhetoric urges him to build communism, and my Rhetoric urges me to write this post.

CONCLUSION

Instead of coming up with new skills, I'm going to give my own skills numerical values.

As you can see, it's an INT-build. Conceptualisation is its signature skill. Authority is a dump because if someone shouts at me, I will start crying. My Half-light keeps convincing me that I totally *have* reasons to be anxious as much time as possible. Esprit de Corps helps me connect with other members of my professional community - a writer community, that is.

#disco elysium #harry du bois #random thoughts

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e642 · 4 months ago

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Vous savez, je n'aime pas la psychanalyse, ce n'est plus un secret. Ce semestre on avait de la psychologie clinique, joli blaze pour dire freud ou lacan. En voyant le nom du prof sur l'emploi du temps, j'ai réalisé que je n'avais jamais eu ce mec en cours mais j'avais entendu des bons avis le concernant par ailleurs. Pour autant, j'ai eu trop de choses à faire ce semestre pour risquer de me pointer dans un cours de 3h parlant exclusivement de Freud, c'était une trop grosse prise de risque. Cela dit, j'ai demandé à une meuf studieuse d'enregistrer le cours histoire d'écouter quand j'aurai rien à faire. Et hier justement, entre deux cours, je n'avais rien à faire. Il a parlé de l'hystérie évidemment, de la schizophrénie évidemment, de la paranoïa évidemment mais ça allait, c'était plus un condensé très personnel de ses années de pratique. La psychanalyse ça pourrait être intéressant s'ils nous donnaient pas l'impression que tout est lié au cul et surtout s'ils ne nous donnaient pas l'impression qu'ils sont frustrés de ne pas pouvoir tout décrire et nommer. Car ils ont conceptualisé le réel, à savoir tout ce qui ne peut se décrire par le langage, seulement se vivre et qui nous effracte souvent, cependant, ils semblent souffrir de cette conceptualisation. C'est pour ça que lorsqu'on lit ou entend de la psycha ça parait lunaire, c'est lunaire parce qu'ils essaient de décrire tout ce qui dépasse le mot et l'entendement avec en plus une posture de personne qui n'est pas malade. Fin bref, je digresse, dernier audio, il parle de mélancolie. La mélancolie, c'est de seul diagnostic que j'ai reçu quand j'avais 18 ans et de la part d'une psy (c'est pas son boulot). J'ai donc écouté et sa manière de parler de la mélancolie était si brute et intelligible que je n'ai pas pu faire autre chose que de m'y confondre. Cette posture si particulière où tout est vainc, où le monde extérieur se dépeuple, où les autres finissent par ne plus compter ni même exister. Cette sensation torturante qu'on est fautif sans savoir pourquoi, que tout a une teinte de néant, que plus rien ne se démarque. Là où je l'ai trouvé bon c'est quand il a abordé la mutilation, sujet tabou en psycho on dirait et qu'il a parlé du fait que ce n'était pas un moyen de se faire mal, du moins pas majoritairement, mais surtout un moyen de remettre de la vie dans un corps qui semble putride, mort, vidé de sa substance. C'est précisément cette raison qui a motivé mes passages à l'acte plus que ressentir la douleur pure. Puis cette certitude infâme que ça n'a jamais eu de sens et que c'est pénible de continuer à vivre dans un monde où rien ne fait satisfaction. En général, ça se solde par un suicide et c'est l'une de mes intimes convictions me concernant. Ça n'a jamais été un appel à l'aide plus un constat. C'est dur d'entendre ça parce que c'est parfaitement ce que j'ai pu ressentir mais surtout que c'est parfaitement ce que je ressens encore en vérité. Je me suis plus sentie comprise dans ce cours qu'en 24 ans d'existence.

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noa-de-cajou · 4 months ago

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The Hawthorne Case, part one

Hey there, important disclaimer before we begin! This is a little Trial of the Mages side story from written in the narrative style of Disco Elysium. In the game, you have 24 skills that regularly chime in with more or less helpful advice. Here are the personalized ones for Taiven, with the original in parentheses. Don't hesitate to come back to it!

Ian and Toshiki belong to @corneille-but-not-the-author

Content warning for themes of domestic abuse and a bunch of crude intrusive thoughts

New Skill index here, the one below was a first draft.

Taiven Markhov - Skill index

Intellect

SMARTASS (Logic) : Use articulated knowledge and reasoning to understand the world.

HYPERMNESIA (Replacing Encyclopedia) : Remember everything. Every detail. No matter how unimportant.

RHETORIC (Rhetoric) : Wield your words with care. Persuade. Convince. Stand your political ground.

THEATRICS (Drama) : The world's a stage. See through their lies. Make yours impossible to detect. A little exaggeration never hurt anyone.

SCATTERBRAIN (Replacing Conceptualisation) : Marvel at everything. Look at the world anew. Let your imagination wander.

FOCUS (Replacing Visual Calculus) : Isolate yourself within your mind. Look at the details. Don't miss anything.

Psyche

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT (Volition) : Keep yourself motivated. Get it moving. Don't stop hoping.

BLOODSTAINED DOOR (Inland Empire) : Trust your gut feelings. See images long gone. Remember to forget.

BLEEDING HEART (Empathy) : Feel for others. Understand their thoughts. Show kindness.

ASSERTION (Authority) : Demand respect. Don't let them talk back. Use what motherhood taught you.

PARTI DU PEUPLE (Esprit de Corps) : Master the Party's inner workings. Understand the political landscape.

SHADOWSELF (Suggestion) : You know you have charms. Crack their shells. No matter how wrong it feels.

Physique

THICKSKIN (Endurance) : You can take it. Stand firm. Brush off the pain.

NERVES (Replacing Pain Threshold) : Be alert. Trust your skin crawls. Detect shifts in the bodies.

FEISTY FLESH (Physical instrument) : Use your muscles. Show your strenght. Remember what you were taught.

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS (Electrochemistry) : Know love and know drugs and know danger as much as you crave them.

CITY GIRL (Shivers) : Tune in to the city. Communicate with the streets. Trust your intuition.

THE HUNT (Half-Light) : The world remains a Warzone. Be the prey or the predator. Let the fury loose.

Motorics

AIM/READY/FIRE (Hand/eye coordination) : Coordinate your brain and your hands. Stop shaking.

SENSES (Perception) : See, hear, smell, know your surroundings.

REFLEXES (Reaction Speed) : React fast. Evade threats.

STREET SMARTS (Replacing Savoir-faire) : Be sneaky, stay stealthy. Know the backdoors and their codes.

SOLLERTIA (Interfacing) : Apprehend through touch. Work your way through machines and mechanic.

COMPOSURE (Composure) : Keep control. Don't let the mask fall. You learned from the best.

_____

It’s the first morning of March 196 in Encre. The days have been getting longer, the streets busier, the trees greener. The traffic in the neighborhood is just as jammed as ever.

That doesn't stop the young woman on her rust-red bike, half-bleached hair tied into a messy ponytail, sleeves rolled up and feet absolutely crushing the pedals. She zigzags through the cars and the klaxons, then down the slope, wind flapping her pants against her ankles.

SCATTERBRAIN - YOU ARE A BIRD. YOU ARE FREE. YOU ARE SO FUCKING FREE RIGHT NOW.

THE HUNT - STOP IT! STOP THE DAMN BIKE! YOU’RE GOING TO CRASH INTO THE NEAREST STREETLAMP AND DIE!

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT - No, you're not! It’s okay, you’re used to this! You know how to ride a bike now!

HYPERMNESIA - Fourtieth day at university. The hiss, then the loud metallic crash. The feeling of the wet pavement under your elbows. Your cheek hitting it and the loud crack that followed. You spat out blood. And your left fang.

NERVES - Yeowch.

HYPERMNESIA - Then you got up. Toshiki was standing two meters away, in the rain, in a copy of one of his many black trench-coats.

COMPOSURE - Barely even blinked. Just looked at your scraped knees, your bloodied mouth, the tooth in your hand, and then asked gingerly if you were going to pick up your mangled bike from the ground.

SHADOWSELF - You lost a tooth and a lot of charisma capital that day.

THEATRICS - Requiescat in pace, sister.

SOLLERTIA - Hey, at least you managed to fix your bike!

REFLEXES - Now pump the damn brakes so you don't have to again.

The bike comes to a screeching halt in front of a narrow stone building, her driver miraculously unharmed. Taiven, for that is her name, dismounts it with a content sigh, then rubs her hands together.

“Whew.”

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT - See? That wasn’t so bad!

THE HUNT - I HATE THIS. I HATE IT HERE. WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS.

THICKSKIN - Easy now. Steady. Get your heartbeat to slow down… Good. Just like that.

ASSERTION - Now readjust your glasses and go in with that confident stride of yours.

Taiven exhales and looks up at the building, the red flag and the white flower stamped in the middle. The People’s Party district building.

HYPERMNESIA - It used to be a several-stories bookstore, before the tenants were deported. It was refurbished in 188, and now it's the district office for the Party.

She's relieved she isn’t needed at the main headquarters this week. Not after saturday. Saturday was yet another verbal joust with Anthony at the stand, in front of an entire crowd. Some people laughing, others shouting.

COMPOSURE - You’ve kept your cool. So did he, although with great difficulty.

SENSES (HEARING) - But you did hear the “fucking bitch” he hissed through his gritted teeth backstage.

PARTI DU PEUPLE - In the main headquarters, a significant amount of blocks away, Anthony Marques still mulls over what happened this weekend. Since you've stopped being a ghost speech writer, you've figuratively shoved your middle finger in his face several times and he hates it. He's the rising star of this party, goddammit. How come the Markhov bitch keeps getting in his way?

BLEEDING HEART - He wants to see you defeated. He wants to see you kneel. Make you pay for his injured ego.

THE HUNT - It's not desire. It's domination. He wants you on his plate.

COMPOSURE - But he can’t have that. So he keeps his jaw clenched and goes back to work.

ASSERTION - Serves him right.

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - Probably thinks about you when he fucks Janelle.

NERVES - OH, EW.

THEATRICS - VERY VERY EW. BWERGH EVEN.

SHADOWSELF - Too bad because he's not getting it.

FEISTY FLESH - If anyone bends over backwards then it’s not gonna be you.

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT : Can you please stop thinking about the terrifying hypothetical of Marques’ sexuality even remotely including you and go in? Please?

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS : Yeah, please don’t think about him railing his fiancee in the headquarters’ bathroom and about how it-

FOCUS - Enough. Enter. Work. Now.

The Gaikamshigthai shakes her head, as if to dust off the unwarranted thoughts, and steps into the building. It's only nine in the morning and these aren't the headquarters', so the offices are empty, except for a few secretaries, the janitor and an old elf named Dlawenn who’s mumbling very colorful curse words at the mimeograph.

BLEEDING HEART - Mimeograph abuse.

PARTI DU PEUPLE - We've all been there.

SCATTERBRAIN - But you've never been abused by a mimeograph before, have you?

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - Not by a mimeograph, no.

RHETORIC - It’s a figure of speech. Moving on.

Nothing out of the ordinary. Apart from one thing.

There’s a young man sitting in one of the worn-out couches, absently sipping coffee from his goblet. A human, with tired hazel eyes, freckles scattered around his pale skin, short, neatly combed chestnut hair, and a heart-shaped face. His clothes are neat, shirt perfectly ironed and clean jacket matching with his trousers. His shoes, although a little dusty, have been recently waxed.

PARTI DU PEUPLE - You never saw him here before.

HYPERMNESIA - You’d remember, if you had.

FOCUS - That's a paper goblet. Most adherents here have their own mug stored in one of the break room cupboards, so that means he's either a newbie or a guest.

STREET SMARTS - You know what to do, champ.

“Well, would you look at that!” Taiven chimes in with her most welcoming smile. “It’s always good to see a new face around here. Do you perhaps think about joining us?”

SHADOWSELF - Somehow you succeed in making it sound perfectly normal and not like you’re some creep trying to coax him into joining a cult.

The young man startles a little, but soon enough an uncertain smile eases its way onto his face. He puts down his goblet on the wooden coffee table and swiftly wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, a little flush coming to his cheeks.

BLEEDING HEART - Not expecting such a warm greeting, but appreciating it nonetheless.

“Oh, hum, thank you for the offer, but…” A shy laugh. “I’ve actually been an adherent for quite some time. It's just the first time I could gather enough courage to come here.”

His voice is soft, hesitant, almost hushed, his words carefully chosen.

SCATTERBRAIN - Feels like a fancy carpeted hallway in a quaint little hostel.

“Well, that’s great! Will spare me the usual spiel.”

She sits down in the armchair next to his couch. Not right next to him, so he doesn't feel too invaded.

COMPOSURE - He seems considerably less intimidated now, even lets out a relieved breath.

SHADOWSELF - You have a bad habit of towering over people, sunshine.

ASSERTION - Bad habit? I think it’s great.

SHADOWSELF - Of course. Not oppressive at all. See, this is why you only have one friend.

“Um.”

The young man fidgets nervously with the buttons of his jacket.

“I’m… just not used to going out. But I thought I should make better use of my free time, so here I am. The good sir over here got me coffee and told me to wait there for something to happen, since it’s not very crowded this morning.”

The good sir in question, Dlawenn, is now banging his fist on the decidedly uncooperative mimeograph, muttering to himself.

SENSES (HEARING) - “They really ought to replace the damn thing.”

“Well, it's always good to see some activity here. Even if it’s just drinking coffee. May I know your name?”

He looks a little taken aback, but then hurriedly extends his left hand, faced flushed even redder.

“Right! Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude! I’m Tristan Hawthorne. Pleased to meet you.”

SMARTASS - Hawthorne… Hawthorne… That rings a little bell somewhere. Let me run some mental background check, I'll come back later. You're not preoccupied with his patronym right now.

Taiven smiles, shakes his hand vigorously.

FEISTY FLESH - Good. Nice handshake. Solid.

SOLLERTIA - You feel something cold against your skin. Metallic. A wedding ring? How did you not notice it before?

SENSES (SIGHT) - To be honest, your eyesight is kinda shit. Blame astigmatism.

“Pleased to meet you too, comrade Hawthorne.”

Tristan lightens up almost instantly.

PARTI DU PEUPLE - “Comrade”. Makes him feel like he belongs.

BLEEDING HEART - It doesn't happen to him often.

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - Reminds you of yourself.

HYPERMNESIA - It’s october 178. It’s your first year of elementary. You're alone on the playground, drawing in the mud with a stick. The other kids are playing tag, or hide and seek. You've tried joining them, but you're apparently too loud, too bossy, too annoying. One kid called you some kind of slur. You don’t know what the word means.

SMARTASS - It was an encrois slang word who can basically translate to "sun-dick-swallower" and is mostly used against Gaikamshigthais. You're welcome.

THICKSKIN - Oh, boo hoo, no one wants to play with me… Seriously, it's been twenty years, can’t you get over it?

She lets go of his hand and grins, ignoring the memories as best as she can.

“I'm Taiven Markhov, by the way.”

“Oh, I know!”

Regret immediately downs on his face. His replied came out fast, probably motivated by his surge of enthusiasm. Taiven raises an eyebrow, still smiling.

“You do?”

“Uh… Yeah. I was at the rally on Saturday. I’d heard about you before, but it was the first time I saw one of your speeches in public. You were… really amazing. I was really surprised.”

THEATRICS - He means it.

RHETORIC - There's something weird in the way he says it, however. Why was he surprised?

“Why surprised?”

Tristan seems even more embarrassed.

“Well, I heard rumors about you before. Not the nice kind. But I was happy to see they were wrong.”

RHETORIC - Heh. Honest guy.

ASSERTION - A sense of pride washes over you. You're so used to people on the left political spectrum grimacing when they hear your name. Thinking you’re the Markhov’s lapdog. But you're not anyone’s lapdog.

“I’m happy to hear that! Even if I do put a lot of efforts into annoying my fellow comrades, I admit.”

THEATRICS - That makes him laugh.

“When you feel confident enough, perhaps you can take the stand as well!”

His smile suddenly falters a little and he carefully leans back into the couch, hands fidgeting again.

“I… Maybe. We’ll see.”

FOCUS - Clammed up all of a sudden. Lips pressed tight. Avoidant gaze. Slumped shoulders. Nervous tics.

BLEEDING HEART - Whatever you said, it scared him.

SOLLERTIA - He’s spinning his ring around his finger.

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - Uh oh. You have a bad feeling about this.

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT - Okay, you got this! Stay affable.

“Are you okay?” Taiven asks with concern.

“Yes, yes, don’t worry about me.”

His nervous twitching seems to subside, but he's still not looking at her.

COMPOSURE - He’s not calmed down. Only pretends he has.

“Are you sure? You don’t look too well…”

She raises a hand towards his shoulder, and the young man shudders and tenses visibly. When his eyes snap back up, they’re slightly widened.

THE HUNT - The terrified eyes of a prey. He thought you were gonna hit him.

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - You definitely have a really, really bad feeling about this.

THE HUNT - He’s looking around for some kind of exit. Just in case.

STREET SMARTS - The fact that Dlawenn has left the room and the proximity in a closed space makes him uncomfortable.

COMPOSURE - Your hand is still hovering over his shoulder, by the way. It’s really awkward.

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - Pssst. Hey. You should pay a little more attention to the smell.

SENSES (SMELL) - What’s… tobacco? Oh. He's a smoker.

RHETORIC - Perfect. Look at this amazing opportunity to slink out.

“Comrade Hawthorne, do you want to go out for a smoke?”

Tristan blinks, clearly not expecting that, but gives a small nod.

“Yeah, sure. I'd like that.”

THE HUNT - Smart. The street is busy. Lots of openings. Less cramped. Easy to flee.

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - SMOKE! SMOKE! SMOKE! SMOKE!

They both walk out, Taiven in front, Tristan following. The street outside is filled with cars now, some mobylettes and scooters zooming past, Taiven’s bike is still secured to the nearest bike parking spot. Tristan immediately pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, as well as an engraved lighter.

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - Woaaaah, that's a super expansive brand. Good quality too. You should-

COMPOSURE - You’re not asking him for a cigarette. You have your own pack and it'd be rude to ask when you're the one who suggested the outing.

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - Boo.

They both light their cigarettes in silence. Taiven sucks in a puff of smoke, exhales it into the morning air.

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - Ahhh, that hits the spot.

NERVES - It helps you both calm down.

The Gaikamshigthai closes her eyes, listening to the sounds of the motorway, the klaxons, the fleeting conversations of passerbys.

CITY GIRL - Life courses along the city’s many blood vessels again after years of trampling on its trachea. There’s stores opening their windows, laundry left to dry over the balcony, an uncessant movement and shuffle. South from here, a girl is making silly faces at her friend through the schoolbus window. The girl on the sidewalk is trying not to laugh. On the biggest avenue in the city, an office worker listens to his autoradio, tapping his finger to the rythm. Some new kind of rock music station his son recommended to him. It passes the time in the traffic jam. Near the memory garden, two lovers are speeding on their motorbike, laughing hysterically. They’re daring anyone to come out and arrest them while they're so happy to be alive. An old woman in a wheelchair is enjoying the sun by taking a nice stroll out, not letting the uneven pavement stop her, her dog trotting in front of her. A homeless person makes back and forth paces accross the same bridge. So many trod here each day, you can scarcely believe desolation had shut it all down a mere decade ago.

SCATTERBRAIN - Like flowers growing from the bones beneath a graveyard.

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - The biggest graveyard is in your head and you should leave it alone.

Tristan is staring off into space, more relaxed than he was inside, concentrated on his cigarette. A few remnants of nervosity makes his eyelid twitch from time to time.

SMARTASS - Hey. Hey. I finally found where the ringing came from. Hawthorne’s the name of a big lineage of mages. Not Kojima-type big but still kind of important. Bourgeois. Radicals. Close connections inside the Party.

HYPERMNESIA - Hawthorne. You heard that name. You read it.

PARTI DU PEUPLE - Janelle Venegas, a secretary, is complaining in the hallway to her colleagues, waving around her left hand adorned with an engagement ring. “Will Hawthorne ever learn to shut up?! Every time she opens her mouth she makes us look like lunatics!”

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - Hope Hawthorne. Lawrence Hawthorne. Casey Hawthorne. And counting. Names engraved in the stone of the War Memorial.

THE HUNT - Those who weren’t shot dead were blown to pieces.

SMARTASS - But there’s one left, isn't there?

HYPERMNESIA - From what you remember, they weren’t called Tristan.

SHADOWSELF - Try to ease into conversation. Don't scare him off.

“I’m sorry if I got too comfortable in there,” Taiven finally says apologetically.

Tristan slowly shakes his head.

“No, you did nothing wrong. I'm just a little jumpy, is all.”

“Does the idea of public speaking make you nervous? It’s okay if it does. It’s not for everyone.”

“No, I'd love to try, but…”

RHETORIC - But ?

COMPOSURE - He’s nervous again. Shoves his left hand into his pocket.

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - He doesn’t want to look at the ring.

RHETORIC - Give the poor guy a little nudge here.

“But something else is stopping you?”

He stares at the ground for a while, then sighs.

“I doubt my wife would approve.”

RHETORIC - By that, he means his wife would definitely not approve.

SMARTASS - The wife! The wife is the remaining Hawthorne, not him!

COMPOSURE - Makes sense. He doesn’t carry himself with the confidence that comes with knowing you have access to magic.

RHETORIC - And to the privileges that come with them.

THEATRICS - Play dumb.

“Really? Why wouldn’t she?”

“Because… Hm… How should I say it… Charity has… Very clear stances on things. It’d stain our good name if I were ever to preach something else.”

BLEEDING HEART - A hint of resentment.

SMARTASS - So the name’s Charity Hawthorne.

SCATTERBRAIN - Ironic. She doesn't sound very charitable.

NERVES - When he says her name, he instinctively rubs his wrist. Winces.

THE HUNT - He’s scared of her.

SMARTASS - Hey, so. I have a reasoning, but you're not gonna like it.

RHETORIC - Fire away.

SMARTASS - Let's recap what we know. Tristan obviously doesn’t go outside a lot. It’s his first time coming to the Party office despite being a long-time adherent. He’s a non-mage married to a mage from a powerful family and who decides what he can or can’t do and who doesn't have a great reputation around here. His whole attitude is that of a hunted animal. So the logical conclusion would be ?

BLEEDING HEART - … Domestic violence.

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - You’ve guessed it a while ago. It all looks very familiar, doesn't it?

COMPOSURE - Don’t let your thoughts show.

“Oh,” Taiven simply says.

Tristan falls silent again, eyes darting away in shame, like he said something he wasn't supposed to.

NERVES - Getting awkward again. You should say something.

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - How funny would it be if you just yelled “TITS” out of nowhere?

BLEEDING HEART - Screaming randomly in the face of a potential domestic abuse victim? Very much not.

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT - Yeah, chill, you get really weird when you’re nervous.

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - Killjoy.

RHETORIC - We still have to say something.

BLEEDING HEART - No. To do something.

“That doesn’t seem very healthy,” Taiven remarks. Then, lower, “Do you need help?”

Tristan blinks at her. Several times.

BLEEDING HEART - No one’s ever offered to help before you.

“It’s… It's very nice of you, comrade Markhov, but I was lucky enough to marry her. She’s, well, a Hawthorne, and my only asset is being from a wealthy family.”

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - Probably the youngest child. And the most feeble one. Easy to throw away to the wolves.

RHETORIC - He didn't say “no”.

BLEEDING HEART - Because that would be a lie, and he hates lying.

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT - Does that mean you’re on the case now? Is there a way to help?

FOCUS - Okay. Let's not rush too far ahead. We should gather intel before we do anything else. Intel on him, on Charity Hawthorne, and especially on her political record.

RHETORIC - Then, when we have enough material to work with, we can talk to him about potentially filing a complaint.

THE HUNT - Otherwise he won't believe that it can work.

SHADOWSELF - Alright. Keep the conversation going a little. One info at a time.

“Have you been married for a long time?”

Tristan looks up to the sky, seemingly doing some mental math.

“Since I was twenty-three, so… about five years.”

SMARTASS - 23+5=28

REFLEXES - Wait, he’s TWENTY-EIGHT?!

ASSERTION - OLDER THAN YOU?!

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - NO WAY.

COMPOSURE - What’s so surprising about that ?

THEATRICS - But- He looks so young! Look at that baby face! And the kicked puppy eyes!

SHADOWSELF - Some people age more gracefully than you.

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - His skin looks super soft. I wanna take a bite.

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT - Woah there friend, you're both married, remember?

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - Just because there’s another fisherman doesn't mean you can’t throw some lines in the canal.

RHETORIC - Nicely worded!

COMPOSURE - But still no.

“How long have you been married?” Tristan suddenly asks.

RHETORIC - He could easily guess by himself, but he wants to steer the conversation away from his personal issues.

“Nearly three years now,” Taiven replies with a smile.

Crazy how time flies.

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - Felt like it was just yesterday you got that ring on your finger and your name back.

“You seem happy,” Tristan notes.

BLEEDING HEART - He’s not jealous. Perhaps a little bitter, but mostly relieved that your marriage is happier than his own.

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT - He's starting to look a little down, maybe change the subject? You’ll definitely come back to this later.

RHETORIC - Yeah. You won’t get anything else out of him today.

Taiven puts her cigarette down on the sole of her shoe and smiles warmly at the man.

“Are you any good with machines?”

Tristan raises a curious eyebrow.

“Reasonably. Why?”

“Good. There's a weekly newsletter that needs writing and I’m not really good with typewriters. Could be a good way to teach you a little about fieldwork, too, don’t you think?”

THEATRICS - You're actually okay with typewriters, but one must be committed to the bit.

A small light is gleaming in the man’s eyes.

“Really? You'd do that?”

“Yeah! Why wouldn't I? Always a pleasure to help out a rookie.”

SHADOWSELF - Anyone else would think of this as exploitation, but that guy desperately needs something to do that isn’t sitting at home. And you do want to teach him a thing or two.

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT - Hey, hey, once we’re done here, you should talk to Ian about this! You need his opinion.

ASSERTION - Why? You’re perfectly capable of solving this case on your own.

COMPOSURE - He always has good insight, better to consult him first.

THE HUNT - Just to make sure you don’t fry too big a fish.

THICKSKIN - You’re being a baby. Why are you so worried? Do you think you’re going to stupidly throw yourself into danger?

NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS - Hell yeah, finally some ACTION!

COMPOSURE - With that one? Better safe than sorry.

SUN-POWERED-POWERPLANT - Come on, I'm sure it'll go just fine! As long as you make sure it does!

BLOODSTAINED DOOR - Sure. Let’s hope you know what you're doing. For his sake, and yours.

#noa writes stuff #lysara #trial of the mages #taiven #disco elysium fan made skills #disco elysium inspired #taiven has undiagnosed adhd in the late 60s let her cook #she's always arguing with herself #anyways hope yall like it

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