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queenendless · 3 months ago

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A/n: As much as we all love current Jinwoo, every version of Jinwoo is precious. And SO!

All Jinwoos have romantic feelings for you but not for each other cause they're the same person.

Triple Sung Jinwoo x Fem!Adult!Reader

CW: MANWHA SPOILERS INSIDE! SPOILER ALERT: There will be a PT 2 to this one shot cause this got kinda long. So there's that.

BIG TIME What if AU. Angst, hurt/comfort, depression, chronic problems, sleeping anxiety.

NO PLAGARIZING, REPOSTING, TRANSLATING, USE OF MY FANFIC WORK IN AI STUFF ALLOWED. REBLOG, LIKE AND FOLLOW INSTEAD PLS N THNX.

You never imagined you'd become the light of your angel's life. You still have days when you think that it's all been one long dream and you'd wake up back in that grey lonely life you never want to go back to.

But no, waking up that afternoon in your shared spacious bedroom. Rolling in that King sized bed to detect his side had his scent lingering still. But empty. Meaning he hadn't returned from his guild work from yesterday.

The sound of the front door to your shared home opening got your heart racing with joy at the chance to see your dear Monarch again.

And yet, the ensuing situation that followed suit really did feel like walking into a dream. An unusual one at that, sure. But also quite intriguing.

“Neither a curse nor a status debuff, my ass. You'd think these new Monarch powers could undo this side effect?” The tallest Jinwoo grumbled under his breath, brushing back his hair in frustration, pacing back and forth in the living room.

“How are we supposed to be out in public now? Handle the guild? Seeing our folks? Our secret will be found out at this rate!” Post reawakened Jinwoo griped, pinning you in between him and pre reawakened Jinwoo like a sandwich, to your dopey smiling satisfaction.

“In any case, I'll be the one visiting the guild for those matters. Otherwise, you and I will tackle the dungeons ourselves, alone.”

“H-Hang on! Why should I be left behind?! I'm no male housewife!” Starter Jinwoo whined.

“Yeah, don't kid yourself, squirt.” Monarch Jinwoo ruffled his unruly mop of hair affectionately, his baby faced counterparts pouting and puffed up cheeks proving his point.

“Aw, please don't leave me alone.” You nuzzled his pink dusted face like a needy cat, that got him melting up.

“Uh – I – o – okay~” His bashful smile got you planting a big ol smooch on his lips. He couldn't stop smiling as he swooned over your lap.

Jinwoo #2 glared, a vein popping up on his head. “Hey, it's not fair he gets to hog our sweetheart all to himself all day while we have to work.”

“With no reawakening, he can't level up so he'd be putting himself at Death's door again like before. If even one of us dies, we'll all die and leave our family behind, including our beloved here. And they won't be defenseless.” King Jinwoo explained.

The sight of Beru appearing out of your Shadow got Jinwoo#1 trembling from fear instinctively at the imposing entity when Monarch Jinwoo stood between you two and his General.

“Should any harm come to these two, like getting distracted by your period dramas, you know what will happen, don't you?” The deadly gaze of his King spoke doom for the former Ant King.

Shadow Preservation will let him know the moment Beru fumbles.

“Yes, I do, my liege! I will not let you down! And if I fail, I will gladly accept my punishment! But please give me a chance to prove my usefulness to you all!” Beru weeped before his liege dismissed him, meshing into the shadow of —

“Jinwoo mochi.”

“ … Eh?” All three sweat dropped in sync.

The action of cupping OG Jinwoo's supple cheeks, kneading and pinching and rubbing your thumbs in circles on such pure smoothness had your eyes sparkle in wonder and your hums of content heard behind your smitten grin. The visual of pre Jinwoo's face going from pale to rosey red as his grey blue eyes had spirals of tipsy dazeness, incomprehensible sounds spilling out of his dopey smile.

“You are so fucking cute, I can't stand it!” Your playful growling as you indeed began chewing on his cheeks got his nervous laughs rumbling into your chest next, his heart in overdrive, matching beat for beat with yours.

The steamy blow of air through their noses was one warning signal that the other two Jinwoo were irked — envy molten auras in blue and purple another sign — that baby-faced them was getting your current attention.

“Don't you dare forget about me, beautiful~” Jinwoo the 2nd cockily purred in your ear, plopping behind you on the couch, nipping at your nape, his nose dotingly rubbing your cheek, keeping you struggling between focus on both bois.

“I'll engrave myself in your mind then~” The effortlessly hot deepness of King Jinwoo’s inflection had him gently grip your chin to raise your face to meet him over the couch in quite a devouring kiss.

“Hey, sharing is caring, you sneaky bastards!” Baby Jinwoo shrilled up. Breaking free just to save your deprived lungs, an all out argument between all three ensued, your light headed self slacking against the couch.

The cacophony of range these three voices could go filled in your now lively place.

And so, then began this unexpected arc in the story of you and Jinwoo times three.

Pre-reawakened Jinwoo.

While the other two would do their dungeon raids together, that meant you'd spend most of your time with him.

Stuck at home together meant you teaming up to manage it, whether that be folding laundry to even cook together. If you don't really cook, he's more than happy to teach you. Having his hands layer yours, pressed up against you from behind, is the best feeling. Course he'd melt in a puddle shortly after.

Taking walks together outdoors meant holding hands or intertwined arms as you spent hours chatting about anything, mesmerized in each other's eyes while admiring the flora and fauna of nature.

“Okay, I am the male wife.” He mumbled in surrender, slumping against you, both of you in your casual tees and shorts, binging your favorites together in the living room while sharing your snacks together one lazy day.

“He admits it!” You exclaimed dramatically, ruffling his already unruly shaggy mop to his giggling delight.

“I know I'm not like the other mes… but I will do my best to make you happy. I'll do anything for you. I love you with all my heart, saarang.”

You easily top him over, laying atop him, your bedroom eyes conjuring hearts in his grey blue irises. “Then I'll make sure you're reminded each and every day that you're just as well loved. You're all mine now, baby girl~”

His drawn out squeak was the only sign of him still alive from the embarrassment, slacking in your arms like a limp noodle.

He's the easiest to mess with, all out of love.

Post reawakened Jinwoo, still an E-rank.

You did most of your outings into the city with him. Usually he goes incognito, whether in caps and a face mask or keeping his hoodie on, hoping not to be spotted and mistaken for his S-rank self.

You both did the buying, groceries and window shopping. Your phone gallery was chock full of selfies with you and your bashful grinning hunter.

While Tank became his assigned Shadow in the meantime, he could serve as transport. But only when it was just you two around or unless it's an emergency. Besides, he still has his own speed skills. Hence, giving you piggyback rides before zipping away in a flash, leaving folk wandering nearby nearly falling over from the sudden strong gusts of winds he left in his wake. His cheeky grin looking back at you took your breath away.

Joining him in on his daily quest workouts nearly do you in, your physically ailing limits being the root cause. Your legs turn to jelly as you nearly collapse from fatigue but your dashing hunter lover makes sure to catch you in his arms, holding you tightly while riding on Tank for the trek back home.

While you can openly tease and mess with him, he's on even footing with you, even more so.

“It's a pain to be split in three and not knowing how long it'll last, so having you with me is a blessing. Now tell me, what will it take for you to make me the best Sung Jinwoo in your eyes? Come on, honey, let your angel Woo you over~”

That cheesy pun out of the blue sent you buckling over in bouts of laughter, nearly falling over but his arms enveloping you kept you standing within his grasp. “Wow. Can't believe that actually worked,” He murmured in astonishment, grinning confidently in response. “She has Sung her approval~!”

That got you cackling, clutching your aching tummy, as more puns came your way to leave you a breathless mess that went beyond his expectations, utterly convinced to be more silly from that point on, even after he hopefully becomes whole again.

And Shadow Monarch Jinwoo, the tenth S-rank hunter in Korea and the head of his own guild, is hands down the most possessive over you. The rare moments you get alone with him happen in his own private office when he takes you to work with him.

The selfie of him putting you in an explicit headlock rivaled every single photo you took with his reawakened past self. His vibrant violet eyes on his smug smirking face littered by your lipstick smooches, your blushing squished cheeks, those veins along that flexing bicep smothering your lip smeared shameless face.

Making a group chat with just the Jinwoos proved a bad call when the other two were driven up the wall with envy at their superior version laying claim to you when they weren't around. The stream of emojis from Jinwoo 1 merging with the countless threats from Jinwoo 2 made big boss Jin darkly chuckle in the entertaining response, the mirthful twinkle in his eyes rippling from spotting you red in the face like mush in his big leather desk chair.

Unwinding from the stress of his guild master duties and keeping face with his colleagues and family while also having to wait out however long this three in one problem will last. Taking rides together on Kaisel gave you both a much needed breath of fresh air. Updating you on pupil Jinwoo's progress leveling up although the Gates turn red whenever he joins in said gate all to challenge him. He assures you immensely that he ensures his other self’s safety while sharing the EXP.

“Sharing you with my other selves has been quite the test for my tolerance.” Tugging insistently on his tie, the taut muscle definition of his upper chest peaked out, his neck flexing those veins, flaring his collar out in the process. “However, I am resolved to remind them just who truly is in charge here.” Pinning you literally on top of his desk came just as quick as you did already feeling him brush up against your valley. “Including you~”

Chronic problems plagued your form. Daily migraines, tense knots in your neck, the works. Regardless of which Jinwoo does it, massages always come your way. Whether resting your head on their lap or laying down on the bed, you melted from their shared skill touch.

Of course not every day is sunshine and rainbows. With chronic issues also came depression. Of course, all three dudes come to an agreement on equally giving you space to unwind as well as teaming up to give you all their affection.

Jinwoo #1 gifts you single flowers that grew surrounding your home, placing them behind your ear after presenting you one each day. Home-cooked meals are a given at this point, keeping in mind your allergies and dietary restrictions should you have any. He helps prepare salt baths that you more than invite him to join you to keep your clingy self company. And he lends his hoodie for comfort on those moody grey days.

Jinwoo #2 gifts you during your shopping sprees together, purchasing plushies and apparel to even getting fried chicken that you make sure you have enough to share with all your bois at home. You and him game together when he comes home early from raiding. Although his fatigue relief skill kicked in, he still deflated in your embrace welcoming him back home in the foyer, nuzzling your adorable face like a needy feline himself. Plus, his rambunctious commentary sends you into a wheezing mess, handing him easy wins. The times you did dethrone him resulted in his stubborn self knowing he could do better, challenging you for another round.

Jinwoo #3 is the one most able to give you anything your heart desires. With such influence and connections on top of his limitless abilities as the reincarnated Monarch, he would make anything possible. But considering he was the busiest out of the three, all you really wanted was to spend more time together. He still gifted you the same items as his other selves, but he made sure to include a fancy dinner and a dance among the stars as an inviting bonus.

Sleep anxiety is also a struggle you face. Incidents from your dreary past late at night left their scars. So taking naps now and then throughout the day after sleeping in the morning was your norm.

Even now, comfortably sleeping through the night is difficult, anxiety making you uncomfortable on edge for the unpredictable and unknown.

One step, one night at a time, the secure embrace giving you reassuring squeezes in bed reminding you you weren't alone. Whichever Jinwoo it is, they all are perfect bedmates. Their cooing words became your ASMR.

“Ssh. There there. I'm right here. Listen to my breathing, my heart, my voice. You can rest easy now, sweetheart.”

Kissing your teary face and letting you rest on their cozy warm chests as they rubbed comforting circles along your back, the combined sensations slowly aided in your sleep, however long or short.

So returning the favor only made sense.

All three Jinwoos suffered from nightmares. Mostly Jinwoo #1. Night terrors were his own sleep struggle throughout this story arc. Especially from dreams of the Double Dungeon. Breaking out in a cold sweat, tossing and turning, whimpering and weeping, before screaming out in awakening, heaving haphazardly, desperately reaching his hands out to you, clinging to you like the lifeline you are. Especially on nights when your other Jins’ are still out due to whatever reason.

Singing a lullaby song you heard from a show that really stuck with you helped a great deal in calming him down. Cradling him in your arms, brushing through those sweat matted bangs, your voice was the angel of music gracing his ears. It's too mesmerizing to ignore.

“You're okay. You're alright. I'll never ever leave your side. I will stay and I will fight with you~”

Unbeknownst to you two, Beru's shadow linked to both versions of his master, Jinwoo #3 swoons over your heavenly voice, smiling like a lovesick fool, Jinho silently hoping they finish work early so his big bro can get back to you, his one and only.

“Please don't leave me. Please stay, Y/n.” Your Jin baby's wish gets granted by your doting, utilizing the same exact methods they use to treat your night troubles.

Jinwoo 2 is less vocal when he wakes up from bad dreams. Yet you feel a sturdy heat envelope around you. His endearing gaze grew the more he stared at your peaceful face, his stare blurring from warm wetness, blinking them back before pecking your forehead. “You're my dream come true~” He whispers lovingly in your ear before cuddling up against your precious self, tears actually shed as you return the hug through your slumber, thoughts of you and only you lulling him into good old dream land.

Now Jinwoo 3 is something else. He usually sits up, lost in thought for a bit, before heading to the kitchen for a mug of water and maybe even preparing some food to keep him busy. And every time, he could feel you arising, finding him, and joining him all so he wouldn't be alone. He'd do the same for you. They all would, absolutely.

You can hear the aching vulnerability trembling with each breath he took as his towering frame draped over you, his shoulders shaking as his hands clawed at your back, your very existence grounding him in the here and now.

“Parts of me will never be the same, not after all I've done … yet you still choose me. How did I ever deserve you, huh?” His nose caresses yours, rocking with you side to side, as his submerging look sunk its hold upon your trembling soul. “Y/n, you truly are something else. My safe haven~”

While having three Jinwoos is indeed a handful, seeing every part of him that make up who he is reminds you of his empathy, sympathy, cleverness, tactfulness, and brilliance.

But you too hope that your three darlings become whole again soon.

And soon enough, at last, your shared prayers were finally heard.

The solution to this dilemma?

Well ...

What do you think~?

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mononijikayu · 15 days ago

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cry baby — gojo satoru.

"You're trembling." you said, glancing at the tall, jittery man beside you. "I am not, I am…I’m not really!" Satoru replied indignantly, though his knee bounced at a speed that could launch satellites. "I’m just… alert. Observant. Ready for anything." You side-eyed him. “You're literally afraid of a five-second injection.” “I’m not afraid!” he scoffed at you, trying to act so strongly. “He might be. I’m empathizing. It’s called being a compassionate father. Look it up, will you?”

GENRE: post hidden - post inventory arc (2010s)

WARNING/S: domesticity, fluff, angst, trauma, implied death, violence, romance, hurt/comfort, character death depiction of death, depictions of loss and depression, mention of pregnancy, depiction of the aftermath of birth, depiction of parenthood, depiction of blood, depiction of killing, depiction of suffering, depiction of anxiety, mention of death, mention of grief, profanity, family drama;

WORD COUNT: 3k

NOTE: indulging myself on the idea that gojo satoru is the type of dad to be a cry baby when it comes to his kids. i feel like he's the very emotional, very tender father. and i wanted to write it. anyway, i hope you enjoy it a lot <3

masterlist

u s and t h e m

if you want to, tip! <3

IF HE WAS BEING HONEST, GOJO SATORU KNEW HE HAS SEEN THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER. He’s seen and fought curses that tear people apart. He's known the many betrayals from all his allies, powerful or not.

He's known the fragility of life in its ugliest forms. Of course, if that was the case, he knew he would have been quite a different man. But this was a different matter entirely.

You knew that the moment your son was born, your husband would be more of a different man. Your young boy was the most important blessing in your lives, after all.

When it comes to his son, his precious baby boy, his beautiful and brightly shining Satoshi, everyone just knows that Gojo Satoru becomes a mess.

You had always known that protectiveness becomes instinctual, it comes with the word parent. Your husband can fight a thousand curses without blinking, but the moment a nurse walks into the room holding a syringe?

He’s sweating bullets. This was how he was now he has become a father. He’s become more overbearing than when Satoshi was a baby. Perhaps even more than you.

It’s not that he doesn’t trust medicine at all. He does, very much so. Logically. Intellectually. He knows that it’s safe, and science proves it. Yet, Satoru completely explained it to you before. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have approved for his little boy to get the medicine.

But emotionally? He’d rather swap places with his son in a heartbeat than let Gojo Satoshi feel a moment of discomfort. He would rather feel every inch of pain than see his precious little boy cry in his arms with such a miserable face.

At doctor’s appointments, he’s that parent. The one hovering too close. Asking too many questions. Looking up medical journals five minutes before the appointment and citing studies the pediatrician already knows.

He’s Gojo Satoru, so of course he thinks he knows better about all of this. Even when the poor nurse just wants to give Satoshi a routine vaccine.

And the irony of it all is that you’re the calm one. Level-headed. Reassuring. You’re the one who gently keeps Satoshi distracted with a lollipop or a little toy while Gojo Satoru paces behind you like a caged tiger in his Gucci tracksuit.

You don’t wanna judge your husband, though. Maybe it comes with being a Zeni’n. Your father was the opposite of every other Zeni’n out in the world. He was a gentle sort of man, jovial and tender too.

But he too didn’t bat an eye when you were getting the injection or when you scrapped your knee or even when you ended up injuring yourself during training.

Though come to think of it, your mother was the same too…..Maybe it was just a familial trait for you to not feel like its the end of the world to see your little one face the world one step at a time. Starting with a needle.

The pediatrician’s office smelled faintly of disinfectant and bubblegum stickers. Little Satoshi somehow has become fond of the smell, which your husband was rather horrified about. You were used to it by now, though.

Six year old Gojo Satoshi checkups were always like clockwork. It was rather easy, almost too easily the routine that comes once every few months. They were supposed to be done within thirty minutes, maybe even less. At least, they were supposed to be. Instead, they never are what they should be.

"You're trembling." you said, glancing at the tall, jittery man beside you.

"I am not, I am…I’m not really!" Satoru replied indignantly, though his knee bounced at a speed that could launch satellites. "I’m just… alert. Observant. Ready for anything."

You side-eyed him. “You're literally afraid of a five-second injection.”

“I’m not afraid!” he scoffed at you, trying to act so strongly. “He might be. I’m empathizing. It’s called being a compassionate father. Look it up, will you?”

Across the room, Gojo Satoshi was perfectly unbothered, legs swinging off the exam table, face buried in a dinosaur book the nurse had handed him. You leaned back in your chair, amused. The precious young master of the Gojo clan seemed to be enjoying himself.

Young master Gojo Satoshi is sitting on the exam table, swinging his legs. Brave. Calm. Almost eerily relaxed, considering his dad is pacing like the world is ending. The little boy started humming to himself. You were quick to pick up on the Digimon soundtrack.

“Son, how can you be this calm?” Satoru cried out. “You’re getting needles on you! Ah, this is a bad idea!”

“It’s one needle, 'toru.” You shake your head at your husband. "He’s fine. You’re the one breaking a sweat."

"I'm just saying!" Satoru muttered, voice dropping to a hiss. "Needles are unnecessary. Painful. Medieval. There are better ways. I could reverse-engineer a technique that boosts immunity naturally. Something with cursed energy and kale."

You gave him a look. “You're not turning our son into a science experiment.”

"Technically, it’d be a wellness experiment—"

The door opened, and the nurse stepped in with a warm smile and a tray in hand. “Okay, Satoshi-kun! Just one quick poke and you’re all set, sweetie.”

Gojo Satoru shot to his feet like she’d entered with a grenade. “Wait, wait—what’s in that? Let me see the vial. Is that a fresh needle? Did it come out of a sealed pack? What about his arm, should we ice it first—?”

"Gojo Satoru.” Your voice was gentle but firm.

He glanced at you. Then at Satoshi. Then at the needle. Then back at you. Gojo Satoru felt like he was outmatched by the Zen'in blood in both of you for a second.

Satoshi rolled up his sleeve without a word. “I want the dinosaur sticker, miss nurse!”

“Well, we will definitely have to give you one! Since you’re a brave boy, no?” The nurse smiled, swabbed his arm, and in one smooth motion, it was done.

"Are we finished now, miss nurse?" Satoshi asked, beaming bright. "I want the Doraemon stickers!"

"We don't have Doraemon right now." The nurse retorted back to him, looking through the drawer for a band-aid. "How about Pokemon?"

"Wah, if there's a Steelix, hand it over, please!" He replies all too jolly, leaning forward.

"Alright, there's some here." She says to him. "But let's be patient. I need to put a band-aid on you before I go on and give you some stickers."

"Okay!"

Satoru blinked. “That’s it?”

“All done!” the nurse chirped, sticking a band-aid over the injection site.

Satoru was pale. “Are you sure? I remember this being longer.....And he didn’t even flinch…”

You ruffled your son's hair. “Because he’s braver than his papa.”

Satoru dropped to his knees beside the table and took Satoshi’s hands in both of his hands, his son enjoying the Pokemon stickers. “You’re a warrior. A legend. My strong little man. I’m so proud.”

Satoshi looked unimpressed at his father’s sudden burst of pride. He looks up as he pockets the stickers. “Can I get the ice cream now?”

Satoru sprang up. “Yes. Absolutely. Two scoops. No, three. And whipped cream. And gummies.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to spoil him if you keep doing this, 'toru.”

“I should spoil him. He’s a hero. Did you see him? He just stared a sharp piece of metal in the eye and didn’t even blink. That’s our son, babe.”

The nurse chuckled. “Would Dad like a sticker too?”

Satoru turned slowly toward her, dead serious. “…Do you have any with pandas?”

"I think so." The nurse says to him in reply. "Are you sure you don't want Pokemon?"

Satoru scoffed. "I'm a Digimon stan."

Soon after, they were in the car travelling to Satoshi's favorite ice-cream joint. It wasn't that far from the hospital which was good since you wouldn't have to drive very far.

When you arrived, your husband all but ordered so fast. Then started bragging about how brave Satoshi is, and Satoshi started to brag about his Pokemon stickers. It was a lot but the dream of ice-cream felt worth it.

A little while after that, you were walking out with a sugar-high Gojo Satoshi clutching more stickers from the ice-cream shop in one hand and a bubblegum ice cream on the other hand. He was grinning from ear to ear.

Gojo Satoru kept glancing down at his son's arm, where the nurse had playfully slapped a panda sticker. You looped your arm around his, trying to get him out of that worried trance.

“Are you good now?”

“I wasn’t not good before, I suppose…..” he replied, then paused. “Okay, maybe I was a little stressed.”

You smirked. “Just a little?”

“Fine. A lot. Happy?”

You leaned up to kiss his cheek. “Very.”

He grinned, finally relaxing. “I just want him safe. That’s all.”

“I know that.” you whispered. “And he is.”

He glanced down at precious son, Satoshi, who was all but skipping ahead of you both, already excitedly talking about where he'll put his new favorite stickers. Gojo Satoru's smile softened, full of warmth at the joy his son was feeling.

“Yeah, yeah.” he said quietly. “He really is.”

EVERYTHING WENT BY TOO FAST. But it started innocently enough. Fushiguro Tsumiki had been cleaning out the storage closet when she found a dusty old camcorder tucked behind a box of outdated holiday decorations.

Of course, that led to her brother, Fushiguro Megumi, to go and dig out the charger almost just as quickly. You encouraged them, finding yourself excited to see what would come up in the camcorder.

And before you knew it, your massive living room had turned into an impromptu family theater to enjoy a little bit of a movie night while Satoru was on break. Of course, it was complete with various kinds of popcorn, all of the floor cushions, and everyone’s curiosity dialed to max.

"These are from when Satoshi was born, I think." you said, settling onto the couch.

Satoru flopped beside you, smug. "Prepare to witness peak fatherhood, everyone."

Megumi shook his head. “I doubt it.”

“Hey, don’t doubt your father like that!”

“You aren’t my dad.”

“Hm….That’s just to save face, I totally get that!”

“How did you even get to that conclusion?”

Tsumiki giggled at their commotion and soon hit play. The screen blinked to life, grainy but colorful, showing newborn Gojo Satoshi swaddled in a too-big hospital blanket.

A much younger Gojo Satoru appeared onscreen. One could see his signature blindfold pulled up onto his forehead, hair a mess, face exhausted but beaming.

Satoshi grinned. "That's me! Look at me, I'm so.....I'm so small, so cute!"

"You were that, kiddo." Satoru laughed, looking at the clip again. "Ah, it was just like yesterday all over again."

"Everything about that day was so memorable, it was just....Nothing could ever be like that again." You admitted to them, leaning back into the couch. "It's unexplainable, you know? Being there, it was just too much."

You all cooed appropriately when Satoshi's lips quivered into a small pout. Even Megumi who did it so discreetly. Satoru puffed up with pride.

“Look at my little jelly bean! He was so tiny!”

“Like, terrifyingly tiny, truly.” you added, smiling fondly at the screen. “I kept checking to make sure he was breathing.”

“And I kept checking to make sure you were breathing too.” Satoru chimed in, throwing an arm lazily across the back of the couch behind you. “You were so out of it, I thought I’d have to run diagnostics.”

“I had just pushed a whole human being out of my body, you know. Rather harshly, if I may say so myself.”

“A tiny, perfect human being, with all your will power, which I adore about you.” he said, undeterred as he kisses your hand. “Though, he has my impeccable cheekbones the moment he was born, for sure.”

“Cheekbones?” Megumi muttered, deadpan. “He looked like a potato.”

Tsumiki covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. “A cute potato.”

“Thank you, 'miki!” Satoru said, pointing at her dramatically. “Finally, someone with taste in this family.”

The video continued: hospital lighting, that sterile tint softening as the camera adjusted. Onscreen, you were in bed, hair a little plastered to your forehead.

Your eyes bleary but full of something too tender for words. Satoru sat beside you, cradling Satoshi in his arms like he was holding the very first star ever born.

“I was so scared I’d break him, you know?” Satoru murmured suddenly, quieter now. His voice, both onscreen and beside you, had dipped. “But then he grabbed my finger and didn’t let go. Like he was already telling me to get it together.”

“He did that to me too!” you whispered, leaning into his shoulder. “Even then, he had you wrapped around his little finger.”

“I am not ashamed about that at all.” Satoru said proudly. “I would go to war for that baby.”

“You cried, didn't you?” Megumi pointed out, as the video showed a very misty-eyed Satoru trying to pretend he wasn’t misty-eyed.

“I was moved, okay? It’s called emotional maturity.”

“It’s called being dramatic.” Megumi replied.

“I am dramatic.” Satoru declared. “And a fantastic father.”

The camera angle shifted as the nurse behind it said something about the first injection, and on cue, you and Satoru visibly tensed. Everyone on the couch hushed, watching the past version of you both steel yourselves while baby Satoshi squirmed gently in your arms.

“You were ready to punch the nurse, weren't you?” you said softly, laughing.

“She was a nice nurse!” he defended, throwing up his hands. “But yeah, I was ready to fight. That needle looked like a sword to me.”

“I had to remind him it wasn’t a duel!” you said to the kids.

Onscreen now, Gojo Satoshi let out a shrill cry at the prick, and real-time Satoru winced all over again, clutching his chest dramatically. Tsumiki let out an awestruck sound, while Megumi was just intently watching everything, like he was memorizing it.

“I felt that.” he said, slumping sideways until his head rested in your lap. “That day shaved years off my life.”

“Yet here you are, fully recovered and annoying as ever.” Megumi said.

Tsumiki leaned forward, smiling. “But it’s kinda sweet. I mean… seeing you like that.”

Satoru grinned up at you. “See? Told you I peaked early.”

You rolled your eyes, brushing your fingers through his hair absently. “You haven’t peaked. You’re still climbing.”

He caught your hand in his and pressed a kiss to your knuckles. “Then I’ll keep climbing as long as you’re with me.”

Megumi groaned. “Can I leave now?”

“Nope.” Tsumiki said, patting his shoulder with a teasing grin. “You’re part of this dysfunctional sentimental family now. No escape.”

"Megu-nii! Please stay." Satoshi said, almost standing up to go to Megumi.

"H—" Megumi lets out a sound as he saw Satoshi's bright eyes. He gulped. He knows he can't say no to him, after all. ".....Fine, I'll stay."

"Yay!" Satoshi cheered, getting back to his comfortable position once again.

"Oh, I think the clip is changing again." You say as the video ends. You looked at Satoru. "Weren't there multiple reels here?"

".....I think so, i don't really remember." He admits to you. "I mean, we did take a lot of footage. I just don't remember which this upcoming one is."

“Alright, Satoru!” Ieri Shoko’s voice was in the back, likely holding a camera as the new video starts. “Stop crying already!”

“Can you not right now, Sho? I’m nervous here!” Satoru’s voice comes into the zone. “I hate you! This is the worst day of my life and you’re being cheery about this.”

“Yeah, your misery is my business too, big baby.”

“Now, now.” Your voice ended up following suit. “I don’t think you should be doing this here—”

“But she started it!”

“Yeah, yeah! Cry baby!”

“Sho–”

“Oh, it’s auntie Shoko!” Tsumiki cheers as she hears the voice. “I didn’t know she was there.”

You nodded at her with a small smile. “Yeah, she drove us there since she was the one who knew the doctor who did Satoshi’s injections.”

“Gojo–sensei losing it is hilarious.”

“Megumi, you really have no mercy for your father?”

“Again, you’re not my dad!”

Tsumiki looked at you. “But wait, where were we when you guys were at the hospital with ‘toshi?”

“You were with grandma, she picked you up from school too.” You said, patting her head. “She made those muffins with you, remember?”

“Oh, that’s right!”

Satoshi’s mouth went agape, eyes opened wide. “But I look so small, don’t I? I could fit in your hands so fully!”

“You did.” Satoru nodded at his son, letting himself stare at him fondly. Even when he wasn’t going to look back to him. “You truly did fit in my arms, because you were so tiny.”

“Ehhhh, but now I’m big!”

“That you are.” You giggle, patting his head as you gaze at his enthusiasm at the screen. "Too big to be in my arms like that."

Then the screen cut to a new scene: a shaky shot of a baby clinic, the kind with pastel animal decals peeling slightly at the edges and a faint antiseptic smell you could almost imagine through the screen.

Gojo Satoshi, just a few months old, lay bundled in a soft blue blanket on the exam table, cooing obliviously at the mobile spinning above him.

Shoko slowly let the camera lingered on his tiny face, round and pink with sleep, then panned shakily to Satoru. Still pacing, anxious, out of place in a world of lullabies and latex gloves.

You were in the frame too, half-seated on the plastic chair beside the table, one hand gently smoothing the blanket over Satoshi’s legs, the other reaching instinctively for Satoru’s sleeve each time he passed close enough.

He kept walking, hands in the pockets of his hoodie, jaw tight, bright blue eyes flicking from the baby to the nurse prepping the syringe. He looked almost like he was the one who's getting the shot.

“He’s too little for this.” Satoru muttered under his breath.

You offered a small, tired smile. “He’s supposed to be little. He’s a baby.”

“Yeah, Satoru, calm down.” Shoko says behind the camera once again. “It's not like he's going to be angry about it for the rest of his life.”

“That’s exactly my point! He could feel like that!” he whispered, crouching beside you, peering over the edge of the table to look at Satoshi. “Look at him. He trusts us. He has no idea what’s about to happen.”

“He’s getting a vaccine, not a betrayal.” you replied, voice low, teasing, but not unkind. "It's for his health, he'll understand."

You were trying to hold steady for both of them, especially with Shoko pushing Satoru’s button too. Your baby and your husband, who looked more panicked than either of you had ever seen him during exorcisms or emergencies.

The nurse came over, cheerful in the way professionals are when they know something small is going to hurt. “Okay, Mom and Dad, this’ll be quick. Just a little pinch.”

Satoru stood up so fast his chair scraped backwards. “Wait—should I hold him? Or should you? No, you’re better with—actually, maybe I should—”

“I’ll hold him, don’t worry.” you said gently, lifting Satoshi and cradling him to your chest, careful to leave one thigh exposed as instructed.

Satoshi blinked up at you, unaware, still calm. Satoru hovered, arms twitching like he couldn’t decide where to put them. He looked at Shoko for a moment and then you.But then quickly stared at his son, more warmly than ever before.

He crouched closer to you again, face closer to his son. He finds himself whispering at him, “You got this, little guy. You're stronger than your old man, I can already tell.”

The needle went in. Satoshi’s face scrunched. His bright blue eyes screwed shut. A second passed. Shoko points the camera at Satoru’s face. Almost instantly, there was that resounding wail. That tiny, sharp, helpless cry pierced straight through you.

Gojo Satoru flinched like he’d been struck. You rocked Satoshi immediately, whispering into his ear, shushing, soothing, kissing the crown of his head. Satoru reached out a hesitant hand to touch the baby’s arm, then pulled back like he wasn’t sure he had the right.

“He’s okay.” you said softly, your own throat tight. “He’s okay, Satoru.”

“I wasn’t ready for that sound. Oh my god. I feel like crying....holy—” he said, sitting beside you, shoulders folding inward like someone who’d taken a punch. “That… that shouldn’t be allowed. Babies shouldn’t cry like that. I feel like I need to fight someone.”

“Fight the syringe?” you teased, brushing your cheek against Satoshi’s. “I think the nurse already won.”

Satoru exhaled a half-laugh, half-sigh. “I should’ve held him. I should’ve done something.”

“You’re here. That’s everything already, you know?” you said, and turned so he could see Satoshi’s face, already settling, eyes blinking drowsily again, the wail fading to hiccups. “Look. He’s already forgiving us.”

Satoru leaned in, resting his forehead briefly against yours, and then against the side of Satoshi’s soft little head. “I’ll make it up to you, kid.” he whispered. “Ice cream. At six months. Or sooner. I’ll figure it out.”

Shoko laughed, more fondly than ever before. “Now, that’s just promising to spoil him the way you were.”

“Of course, my kid deserves the whole world!” Satoru retorts back to his friend. “I’ll spoil him rotten!”

“Now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, hm?”

The camera zoomed out, capturing the three of you: a little family, wrapped around one small moment that, later, would become legend.

The day Gojo Satoru learned what helplessness really felt like and how deeply he could love something, someone. And that had changed his entire world. Just as much as it did yours.

The footage trembled slightly, then faded to black. You let out a small sigh and looked at your husband who was just shaking his head. His gaze trailed at you, leading to him shaking his head soon after.

Tsumiki burst out laughing. “Oh my god, you were losing it, Satoru–san!”

"Now, don't get too happy about that, 'miki! I was a wreck!"

"Was that snot falling down your nose?"

"Megumi!? I would never!"

"But there was some, I saw it—"

On the lower echelons of the sofa couch, you started to notice sniffing. Your face scrunches. You turned to your son. All the sudden, Satoshi’s bottom lip trembled.

“Wait, are you crying? Are you okay, Sato-kun?”

The six-year-old wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Papa loved me so much… Papa! Papa, you loved Satoshi so much?”

Satoru immediately swooped in, pulling Satoshi into his lap. “Of course I did! I do! You’re my whole world, buddy!”

You leaned over, rested your chin on Satoru’s shoulder, and whispered, “You were crying more than the baby.”

Satoru looked at you, eyes wide. “That was a vulnerable moment, okay? I was being emotionally transparent. And you and Shoko were filming me instead of comforting me, by the way.”

You smirked. “Oh, I comforted the one who needed it most and that is my precious Gojo Satoshi.”

"But I'm also your precious husband!" Satoru pouted.

"Hm, but that's another thing."

"Hah!? No, it's not!"

Tsumiki giggled, shaking her head. “This is so going in the family group chat.”

“No, don’t!” Satoru shakes his head. “Your auntie Shoko’s going to make fun of me again! After I put it all behind me, you're giving her more ammunition!”

“Good.” Megumi crossed his arms but smirked faintly. “I mean, I always knew you were dramatic about being a dad. I just didn’t know it started this early in Satoshi’s life.”

Satoshi sniffled into Satoru’s shirt. “It’s okay, Papa. I don’t remember the betrayal.”

Satoru gasped. “See?! He knew!”

You rolled your eyes affectionately, placing a kiss on your husband’s temple. “You big softie.”

He pouted. “You’re lucky I’m cute for you and only you, hm?”

“Luck’s got nothing to do with it, hm.” you said, eyes twinkling. “It’s a curse I bear. A very loud, very overprotective, very sticker-loving curse.”

Satoshi, now fully recovered, perked up. “Do I get a sticker for crying this time?”

Satoru grinned. “We all get stickers tonight.”

329 notes · View notes

cheriecoke · 2 years ago

Text

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ panacea — levi ackerman

summary. it's been hard to talk to levi after the rumbling

contents. written with fem!reader in mind but no gendered pronouns used, ex-scout!reader, postwar!levi, established relationship, sfw, angst, comfort, references to ptsd and depression, early in the healing process — 2.1k

notes. writing post-war levi is a little intimidating, but i hope i did him justice <3 please ignore any spelling or grammar isses

the sound of a crash in the other room pulled you out of your sleep, tugging you out of a nightmare that you didn’t want to be caught in anyway.

a groan came next—hushed but still audible, following the sound of something falling. though there was no need to be on alert, your heart hammered in your chest, your mind still caught in the titan’s den, not the place you called home.

when you finally calmed down, reshaped your thoughts to reality, you shifted onto your other side, reaching out for levi. though, he wasn't in the bed besides you; the space had grown cold, the blankets thrown back. the shape of his head was no longer evident on the pillow.

you sat up, moving quickly as you shook off the covers and padded into the other room. the brisk night air caused you to shiver, and the floor was even colder under your bare feet. still, you were too focused on the sounds you’d heard to even worry about grabbing a jacket.

there was a light on in the living room, a candle lit on table, and a book propped open next to it. clear signs that levi had been awake for a while, that sleep eluded him, even now.

“levi?” you said softly as you rubbed your eyes, your voice hoarse from misuse. “are you okay?”

you wrapped an arm around yourself, swallowing down any pity as you blinked at the dismal sight of levi next to the wheelchair, his expression screwed up in a blizzard of frustration and defeat. his legs laid out in front of him, and he stared at them, blue eyes hard as if trying to will them to do his bidding.

this wasn’t the first time that levi had tried to push himself too hard, that he had tested his physical limits, and it wouldn't be the last. for years, he’d survived on sheer willpower. he’d gotten out of the underground from his own force and strength, his promise to erwin enough to keep him alive despite everything he suffered.

though, for once, even his determination wasn't enough. it couldn’t rewind the clock, couldn't make his legs as they’d once been.

it had been an adjustment, and it still was—though, everything after the rumbling was an adjustment.

for a while, after it had ended, levi hadn’t spoken to you. he didn’t want your help, and though you wanted to be by his side, you didn't want his anger. the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel smothered.

you tried your best to be patient. you’d continue to be patient with him, even when sometimes, you felt like he forget that you had lost, nonetheless.

“i’m fine,” he said gruffly, pulling himself up with the strength that he refused to let go of. levi was weaker now, his physical capabilities nowhere near where they’d once been, but he was still levi ackerman—he always would be.

you watched him struggle for a moment, and you chewed your lip, taking a step forward. “levi…”

“i said i’m fine.” he didn’t quite shout at you, but his tone was sharp, his voice raised in the commanding way he’d always used as a captain.

since the day you’d met levi, he’d always been snappy, sarcasm dripping from his tongue, but he was never cruel. now, though, he was content to let his bitterness serve as a balm for his wounds instead of your affection.

but things like that didn’t bother you anymore. a careless bite of snark couldn’t bother you when you’d been to hell and back with him.

“okay.” you blinked, shifting on your heels, feeling stupid and confused and guilty. though for what, you weren’t sure. still, you could do nothing but stare as levi dragged himself back into the wheelchair, putting pressure on the leg that had not been completely shattered. “please be careful.”

“can you just—” levi snapped, but then his gaze met your own, piercing your lost, uncertain irises, and he softened. a long, careful sigh released, and he retraced his words, starting again. “i’m sorry. but you don’t need to worry so much. it’s been enough time.”

you nodded, and levi turned back to his book, pulling himself closer to the table. as he glued his eyes on the pages, you glanced at his scars, his beautiful hands, a testament to his strength and all he’d done to survive.

despite yourself, tears welled up in your eyes, and you batted them away, not wanting him to see. maybe, sometimes, levi didn’t feel the same... but you were grateful, every day, that he was still alive. “will you ever talk to me?”

he turned, craning his neck to face you, playing the fool. “about what? i’m talking to you right now.”

your lip quivered at his impassivity. “don’t do that again to me, levi. you know what i’m talking about. sometimes you're content to pretend like nothing’s changed, and it tears me apart.”

levi shifted his arms, regarded you with a long stare, his lips curled into something between a sneer and a frown. “then you’re welcome to leave. i don’t need a caretaker.”

you gawked at him, knowing that he was only trying to push your buttons, but it annoyed you nonetheless. the comment was so out of left field that you couldn’t wrap your head around where it had come from. all you’d wanted to do was love him, show him your unwavering care and support, without feeling like a stifling annoyance.

though, for a moment, doubt consumed you. maybe you hadn’t done enough. perhaps you had become a recluse of your own in the recent months, still recovering from everything you’d gone through. “leave? why would i leave?”

levi’s eyes narrowed, though more out of curiosity, a deep inhale escaping him. he peered back down at his hands, his legs, before deflating. “i’m not the person you fell in love with. i’m not humanity’s strongest anymore. i’m a man who can’t even stand on his own.”

“levi—” you rubbed your hands together, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest. “do you honestly think i care about that? you hate being called that anyway.”

he snorted, but it was full of a defeat you’d never known him to show. “maybe i got used to it.”

silence fell between you, and though you understood, knew what he was admitting to you, you found yourself at a loss for a words. talking with levi had once been so easy, but now, it felt like you could never say the right thing.

you opened your mouth, willing something sensible to come out, but levi beat you to it, slicing his chest open and bearing it to you with bloodied hands.

“i just…” he began, his face pinched at the sound of his weakened voice. “i’m just not sure what i’m supposed to do now. i spent the past decade fighting. and the decade before that, fighting. and the decade before that…”

your heart ached. you took a step forward, close enough so you could touch him. “but you don’t need to fight anymore. the war is over.”

“the war is never over.” the words didn’t leave as much of a punch as he intended. levi finally turned to face you, something sad in his dark blue irises. “those brats could barely win with me, imagine them without me.”

you softened. levi’s pain was unending. perhaps a part of him still grieved for the man he’d been before the war, but you knew that was not the reason for his melancholy. you knew, even if he never said it, that he felt as if he’d failed all the kids he’d brought onto his squad. that he’d failed eren.

“levi, they’re not children anymore,” you said quietly, grasping his hand. you remembered being nineteen, being thrust into the bloodshed and misery of the world you lived in. at least, now, levi’s squad could try to live a semblance of a normal life. they got an early start, a chance to try again, even if still wracked by anguish and longing. “if they need to fight, they can fight. you’ve done your time, my love. you’ve given more than enough.” you brushed your fingers along his scars. “let yourself rest.”

a beat passed before he answered.

“i don’t know how.”

you swallowed, biting back the sadness that you didn’t feel warranted to. sometimes, knowing everything that levi had suffered, knowing the depths of his pain, made you feel undeserving of your disdain towards the world. even if you were hurting too.

“i know,” you said, running your other hand through his hair, flattening the pieces that had been disheveled in his sleep. “but i want to be there for you. i want to heal with you. please don’t push me away, levi. if you think you’re doing me a favor, you’re not.”

“i’m never going to be the same as i was before,” he said sharply, as if that could somehow change your mind.

you brought yourself closer to him, releasing his hand so you could wrap your arms around him instead, bring his head to your chest in a warm embrace. for once, levi didn’t protest. he leaned against you, inhaling, letting his arms rest limply on his lap.

“no one is the same. the rumbling changed us all. even me. you’re such a fool if you think anyone can look at you and see a weak man.” you squeezed him tighter. levi’s arms came around you as tears spilled out of your eyes, his palm warm on your lower back. “you’re the strongest person i’ve ever met. it breaks my heart that you could think otherwise.”

tears dripped off your chin, falling into his hair. although you tried to stop them, letting go of levi and sniffling to wipe your eyes, you couldn’t cease the ache in your chest. you released the sobs you’d held back for his sake, for everyone’s sake.

why should you get to cry when everyone else had lost so much?

“i love you, just as you are. i fell in love with you because of the kindness in your heart, and i will always love you because of that. i—”

“hey,” levi pushed you away, reaching up to wipe at the tears that lingered on your cheek. “i didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said, looking more horrified about that than he had the past few weeks of recovery and hospitalization. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry.”

“i’m okay,” you tried, lip quivering at the feeling of levi’s fingers on your cheek. it had been a while since you’d kissed him like you meant to, memories of war consuming every peaceful moment between you.

“no. you’re not.” he sighed, stroking your face with tender eyes, the malice melting away from his expression completely. “you’re not. i should’ve noticed.”

“i’m good about hiding it."

“that doesn’t make it any better,” he frowned, cupping your cheeks with both hands. “i know that better than anyone. i know you better than anyone.”

you turned into his hand, kissing his palm tenderly, beneath the spot where his index and middle finger had once been, stopping him before he could apologize again. “and i know you, levi. i know we should both stop trying to hide our pain from the other, and try our best to move on together.” you sighed, smiling through your tears. “can we do that?”

levi stared at you for a moment, eyebrows knit together as he wiped at the wetness, the shadows under your eyes. though there was a battle behind his irises, a conflict, there always had been. for the remainder of his life, for the peaceful years you’d get to cherish together... even then, you weren’t sure levi could let go of the war.

but that would be okay. after all, you’d always sworn to fight to the death by captain levi ackerman's side.

the exhale from your chest breathed life through levi's inhale. a smile smile graced his lips as you finally stopped crying. he nodded.

“we can try.”

thank you for reading! reblogs appreciated!

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redflagshipwriter · 7 months ago

Text

Ghost Driver 3: Timterlude

masterpost

“Inspector.” Batman arrived at the police building bare minutes after the selfie of their current biggest suspect had blown up on twooter. Robin balanced on the edge of the rooftop, fingers gripping stone. Woo, safe. He mentally cheered. A quick glance around showed only one other person, and it wasn’t the white-haired meta they were looking for.

“No need, Batman,” Inspector Gordon said. He looked like he had a lot on his mind, Tim thought. Gordon started walking for the stairs. “There’s no trouble here. Joker is accounted for, the ghost kid left.”

“Ghost?” Robin perked his head to the side. “Twooter guy is a ghost?”

“The Joker was broken out of Arkham by the same suspect who sent that twoot.” Batman was a dog with a bone about it. “Robin. Can we track him down by that Twooter account?”

“I can try,” Robin said, dubious. “You want me off patrol for that?”

He didn’t really see the point. What were they looking for, a message draft where the guy listed his name and address?

Batman grunted.

That meant yes. Tim held in a sigh. That was him, off patrol again. Banished back to the cave about an hour after finally getting to go out because the Red Butthead was down for the count.

‘Worst after school job ever.’

“Right,” Gordon said vaguely. He pulled the door open. “Go home.”

The door swung shut, muffling the sound of Batman’s answering grunt.

Robin followed his minder back to the Batmobile. He waited while Batman manhandled his bike out of the trunk and got it out. “See you at the cave,” he said, wishing Batman would say something nice like, ‘sure thing, Robin, I value your contributions.’

Pfft. As if. Tim sulked on his drive back to the cave, alone with the rushing wind and his thoughts. Batman was regressing lately. He was moody and insular again. It was outrageous. After all the work Tim had done to rehabilitate Batman, he was growling at people in public again!

He needed a muzzle for that guy. It wouldn’t solve anything, but it would be massively embarrassing and-

“No, it might solve some of the Catwoman related inefficiencies. That bad kissing habit.” Tim kicked out the stand and left his bike in the entrance where Batman always told him not to leave it. He pulled off his gloves on his way to the big, battiest of all the bat computers, and slouched in Bruce’s chair. “Blegh.” Tim turned it on and navigated to twooter. He looked through “ThePhantomHunk”‘s account with a wrinkled nose. There wasn’t much there, but what there was… was honestly kind of embarrassing. There were four basically identical selfies and hundreds of low quality replies arguing with people about anything from whether or not Batman liked him to how good the latest video game installment in some ancient series was.

“Why’s he have all these followers?” Tim muttered. “He doesn’t post anything.” Phantom wasn’t a big celebrity by any means, but he had a few hundred followers that seemed like real people. He noted a really pretty Ivy League university cheerleader, a weatherman from someplace called Amity, and… a mayor???

Tim squinted. Why was Phantom being followed by the official Amity Park Mayoral twooter account? He opened it to double check that it wasn’t some unfunny impersonation. It appeared to be legitimate.

“New contender for origin,” Tim muttered, taking a note. He scanned bios for more references to Amity Park and started finding them. Wild.

He closed that down and shot off a message to Oracle, telling her what he was up to. She sent back “HA”.

“Very helpful,’” Tim muttered. He scowled all his way over to the bat beverages fridge and extracted a sports drink.

That was when a brand new alarm went off. Tim startled so badly he nearly fell over. Then he rushed to disarm it before the ten second interval where the alert would be redirected to Batman’s comms. Once muted, he scrambled to see what it was.

“That’s… depressing.” Tim bit his lower lip. It was a new alarm on the cemetery where Jason was interred. There was nothing visible on screen, but Batman’s equipment didn’t really give false alarms.

Was that why… had Bruce put that new security system up because someone had threatened his kid’s body? No wonder Bruce was out of sorts. Tim felt a little sick. He felt angry. The chair scraped across the floor when he got up. “I’ll handle it.” Tim muttered to himself as he pulled his gloves back on, checked his mask, and jogged to his ride. “Real quick.”

This drive felt like nothing. The engine roaring underneath him revved him up into a righteous fury. If someone was messing around with Jason’s resting place, they were going to taste the soles of Robin’s boot.

The cemetery gate was still shut. Locked. Tim opened it and went in. Maybe no one was here.

He stopped in his tracks.

Or maybe there was a car parked somewhere impossible. How had anyone driven a car between the rows? Tim drove up in his motorcycle and came to a stop by the driver’s side door.

The driver looked up. White hair, tan skin, green eyes. He went still when he saw Robin and his face screwed up in confusion. He visibly said “huh!” out loud, and then shrugged. He waved through the window.

Tim raised his hand to wave back before he thought about what he was doing. He pulled the hand back down and scowled. “What are you-“

“So you’re like, haunting Jason?” the guy bulldozed over what he’d said. He kicked open his door and grinned. “So glad to see you! I know where one of his safe houses is, but he’s not there, and I can’t detect my way into a cereal box if I’m honest. Why’s he got a grave? I wasn’t sure this was the right guy but it’s clearly the right guy. Maybe my ghostdar is bad.”

“….safe house?” Tim ignored most of the rambling and pointed at the grave. That’s where Jason was. It was grim, but that was where Jason was. And haunting? He wasn’t haunting Jason. He’d maybe sort of stalked him recreationally a little bit, but he’d gotten away with that.

‘He said he was a ghost. What does he think is going on here?’

“Not here, I don’t think he spends time here.” Phantom’s eyebrows furrowed. “Gotta say I’m kinda surprised to discover he died. He’s so full of life, you know?” He shrugged.

Tim stared blankly. Jason was a tiny skeleton in a casket.

“Anyway!” Phantom clapped his hands. “Don’t suppose you know where else he might be? The police guy said Batman kicked his butt, so he’s probably recovering somewhere. Where would he go for that?”

A whole bunch of puzzle pieces slotted neatly into place with quiet clicks. Batman was out of sorts about the Red Hood and acting oddly in regards to Jason’s grave. He was as moody as he’d been after Jason died.

And then, of course, what Phantom had said could hardly be categorized as subtle.

‘Holy moly,’ Tim thought, ‘Jason faked his death and he is mad at Batman. Either that or he’s a ghost? I didn’t know he could do that. Could I do that? I need to see where this is going. And this guy is creepy… Is Jason safe? I need to make sure that he’s safe before I tell Batman anything.’

“Take me to the safe house that you know,” he said. “I can figure it out from there.”

He was officially going undercover.

The guy held up the keys to his clunker and jingled them. “Hop in, creepy Robin.”

“Creepy?” Tim asked, offended. He got in anyway. What was creepy about him? Tim didn’t have cat pupils, unlike some other people.

‘He assumed I was haunting that grave. Does he think I’m a ghost? Does he know a Robin died?’

“No offense.” Phantom carelessly started the car and lifted it directly upwards. Tim grabbed the door handle. “Wheee.”

Phantom drove like a maniac. Phantom belonged in prison. Tim held on for dear life and tried not to throw up. Why was the car even on? The wheels weren’t touching the ground. Phantom was clearly propelling it. Did he not realize he was doing that?

‘Maybe he likes the sound of the engine?’ Tim theorized. ‘Or maybe it’s just habit and he hasn’t thought it through. How long has he been dead, to still be doing that little mundane thing?’

The safe house where Jason had been staying was… well, it definitely looked like a safe house. The only pay dirt was a phone that had been abandoned on the kitchen counter. Tim snatched it up and immediately started running a geotag script.

“Yeah, he left that this afternoon,” Phantom said. He sat cross cross in the air and watched Tim curiously. “This is a weird tactic. Don’t you just know where he goes?”

“I haven’t stalked him for years,” Tim said, and then wished he hadn’t.

Phantom laughed. “Okay, damn.” He fidgeted. He was watching Tim too intensely. “Don’t wanna be rude, but you’ve got like, no ecto, dude.” He cocked his head to the side like that was a question.

Tim didn’t know what ecto was. “Is that what you think?” He said, in his smuggest, most insufferable Robin tone.

Phantom rolled his eyes. His mouth twisted downwards.

Shit. He might not have answered that well enough. Tim pretended to be absorbed in his task even though the tool he was using was running independently.

His heart thudded in his chest as the program ran. He licked his lips. Was this going to turn to a fight? Tension started to rise. Was it really? Was it just in his head?

Beep.

“I have some possibilities for safehouses.” Tim held up the phone. “Here, on James Ave, I bet that’s where he went after his confrontation with Batman.”

There was a long pause. Phantom’s eyes glinted in an animalian, predatorial glint. It sent a shudder through Tim. He felt like he was in danger-

“Neat!” Phantom chirped. The spell was broken. “Let’s go.”

He couldn’t help but feel that he had dodged a bullet. Tim kept a hand near his toolbelt as he followed Phantom back to the car.

The guy didn’t attack, for what that was worth. Tim buckled himself in and wished that he was in the backseat. He itched to get out of Phantom’s line of sight. If Jason really was down for the count after a confrontation between Batman and the Joker, Tim couldn’t leave him at the mercy of this guy. Phantom had released the Joker. The only thing in his favor was that Inspector Gordon hadn’t said he was a danger.

Phantom rocketed off. They passed through downtown Gotham in a queasy rush of color, backlit by the growing daylight. This was way too late for Robin to be out in Gotham. He shouldn’t be here.

…Batman was going to realize that he wasn’t in the cave. Very soon. Tim angled his body away from Phantom and tried to surreptitiously write a message on his wrist watch. “Done for the night,” Tim lied.

Boy, he hoped that he didn’t end up in some kind of trouble. Batman was not going to notice him missing for a long time, if he believed that message.

He crossed his fingers.

#red ghost driver #dp x dc #dc x dp #dead on main

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notatzimisce · 2 months ago

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Brain Tickles Masterpost

Someone asked so now there is one. Only kind of a FAQ but it's easier to format this information as a series of questions.

Q: What's this brain tickles/brain implant thing you keep posting about?

A: I'm a cyborg science experiment. The less cool way to say this is that I'm a patient in a clinical trial testing a new application of deep brain stimulation. I have a pacemaker for my brain, basically. The device isn't new but the use is.

Q: What's the device like?

A: It's a couple of depth leads attached to a small box set into my skull, everything underneath the skin. It monitors my brain activity in one side of my amygdala, and when it detects a certain concerning biomarker (pattern of brain activity), it zaps my left ventral capsule in response.

You can check out the actual manuals for the device here, which include a step-by-step for neurosurgeons. I think that's pretty cool.

Q: So you don't have epilepsy. What disease are they studying this for?

A: I have treatment-resistant major depression. The study guys think this is probably a different disease altogether from what you can treat with medication, due to how it behaves, and also, because it won't respond to anything short of direct neurostimulation (like TMS or ECT, which will get a response but not ultimately work).

Besides making me not life-ruiningly miserable for literally no reason all the time, the stimulation makes major improvements to my otherwise pretty shaky cognition and memory, gives me the energy to perform basic tasks, and seems to fix a lot of autonomic stuff like insomnia and digestive issues as well.

Q: Does that mean they know what causes depression?

A: They know several different parts of the brain that you can tickle to treat otherwise intractable depression. Brains are awfully individually variant, and you can't reasonably guess which site is going to do it for a given person.

Q: What's the root cause, then?

A: No idea! If they have a guess, they're not telling me, and I'll find out when they publish.

Q: How did they figure out which part of your brain to tickle and which to monitor?

A: They gave me an SEEG and stimulated a bunch of likely areas to see what happened. After that, they spent a few months going through the literal terabytes of data recorded.

Q: How much did the surgery suck?

A: The SEEG was less bad than any root canals I'd had up to that point, although I've had less shitty ones since. The worst part was that I was considered a fall risk and needed to call a nurse whenever I had to pee.

The actual device implantation was worse to recover from than a root canal, but still sucked less than my totally easy, uncomplicated, textbook wisdom tooth removal. I spent two and a half days napping on-and-off, I took a lot of tylenol, and I couldn't sleep on that side of my head for a couple weeks. That's about it.

In advance, they told me there was about a 1% chance of infection and a 2-3% chance of bleeding. Neither thing happened. Yay! Compared to the odds of complications from other types of surgery, that's pretty great.

Q: Can you feel your brain getting zapped?

A: Normally, no. I can feel when it turns on in the morning because I pretty quickly start to feel more alert and less shitty, but the standard zaps aren't strong enough for me to feel physically. If they were to crank up the amperage some, I could feel that, and it'd be extremely distracting.

Q: What does that feel like?

A: At lower levels, if I can just barely feel it, it's kind of like a little anxiety thrill or tickle of anticipation down in the core of my chest, and my palms prickle. At higher levels, like they used during the SEEG, it's more like a rush of electric energy and heat that wells up in my core and spreads out into my limbs, and I have to wiggle them around to "shake it off" or it's too much to handle.

I felt some other, different things from other sites that they didn't end up going with. There was one that made my eyes unfocus unevenly and made me feel weird and lightheaded in a way I can only describe synesthetically (swell, rubber, gum, balloon, pink-red), and gave me the sense that something Bad would happen if they kept pushing that button. There was one that just made one or both of my hands start buzzing for some reason.

Neurostim that you can feel is incredibly distracting. It's not like inputs from outside that your brain can evaluate and filter. You can't ignore it any more than you could ignore having a seizure. There was one setting we tried that made me feel kind of like I had an intangible "itch" somewhere inside my right shoulder and my right leg, and every time it fired, it derailed my thoughts so badly that I couldn't even focus on a simple phone game. Something more intense is going to knock you on your ass.

Once in a long while (once every five months or so, maybe?), I have dreams where I experience a different, half-remembered version of that electric energy feeling, even though the device doesn't stimulate me at night. Actually, it's been happening ever since the SEEG. I think my brain just learned and filed away a new type of sensation.

Q: If I got my brain tickled in the same place, would I feel that?

A: Almost certainly not. I can't guess at what you'd feel, but as mentioned, brains are really individually variant. It's pretty much different for everyone. You might feel something I don't even have a frame of reference for.

It also depends on the exact way you're being stimulated. The same site can either make me feel better or make me cry uncontrollably, depending solely on how long the electrical pulses are.

Q: How many amps are they hitting you with?

A: They can't tell me (yet) in case it placebos me in some way. I know it's less than 3 mA (because I can feel 3 mA) and probably more than 1. 6 mA is the strongest they've ever given me, which is a brick-to-the-face biofeedback high.

Q: How do they know if it's working and not a placebo effect?

A: You report twice-daily on your symptoms throughout the whole thing. There's a phase where they occasionally change the type of stimulation or turn it off entirely for several weeks. They don't tell you when they change anything.

Personally, it's consistently obvious to me within about ~20 minutes when they change something -- they've commented on how consistent my responses are and how quickly I see differences. I can even tell when they turn it off during visits to do recordings. I've heard that's not true of all the patients, though.

Q: What's this piss signal thing you mention?

A: At one point, the stimulation started giving me bladder spasms, so every time it fired I felt like I had to pee. They had to find a new setting that didn't do that. They didn't change anything at the time, so we don't know exactly what caused it. Possibly the electrode drifted a very, very tiny amount, or possibly my brain just built an annoying new connection that allowed this to happen.

The study guys reached out to some other experts they know about it, though, and determined that could happen if my hypothalamus was getting some stimulation by accident -- entirely possible, since it's pretty close to the electrode.

Q: Do you recharge it or get the battery replaced or what?

A: I have to get the entire battery pack/computer part of the device replaced every, probably, six to twelve years when the battery starts to run down. It detaches from the leads, so they won't have to redo the part that involves threading wires into my brain every time.

Q: Aren't you worried about your brain getting hacked?

A: Well, my implant doesn't have wifi or anything. Literally anything can be hacked somehow, but I'll worry about that when I get into a sworn blood feud with an engineer.

Q: Aren't you worried about handing over part of your body to a corporation?

A: The alternative is being in hell at all times forever. I too would like to have an open-source brain implant that's easy to replace though.

Q: Aren't you worried about never being able to get an MRI again?

A: I actually can get an MRI, as long as the MRI scanner puts out a basic-bitch amount of teslas and my implant is switched into MRI mode. I'm not totally sure how that works, but it puts a strain on the battery, so I'm guessing it's generating its own little field. My implant isn't ferrous, so the worry is less "yanking wires around" and more "tissue heating".

Q: Aren't you worried about your body rejecting it?

A: No, medical implants are made of materials like titanium and silicone that the body doesn't care about (unless you have a titanium allergy). I'm really not sure where the pop-culture idea of cybernetic rejection came from. I'm guessing it's writers not understanding why organ transplants reject and thinking it works the same way. Or something about how steel implants can sometimes start to corrode and irritate tissue.

Q: Aren't you worried about this being used to mind control everyone?

A: In my case, mind control is sort of the point.

But also, not really. I mean, you're talking about each individual person getting multiple MRIs, a ~$40,000 implant, three brain surgeries (two of which bookend a multi-week hospital stay), and requiring like a year's worth of fine-tuning from a team of specialized professionals. And it all requires so much precision that if you cut corners on any of this, you're not going to get the results you want.

The cost, time, and effort involved to implant people at scale would be fucking insane. Even if all the tech involved became cheap, you'd still have the problem where you need to pay a competent neurosurgeon for the SEEG and the actual device implantation, and a team of competent neurologists to spend at minimum several months gathering and analyzing data on how each person's brain works, because the individualization of the brain means you can't plug-and-play this shit. And each group -- let's be generous and say it takes only five such specialized professionals -- would be able to do this to about two people a year.

Maybe that will change the day we develop some means of simply scanning people's brains to map how they work in detail, at which point we'll basically have solved neurology.

Usually whenever there's a tumblr post going around about brain implants, someone freaks out about a hypothetical of, like, Amazon installing pleasure buttons in their workers to keep them compliant. That would involve spending minimum a hundred thousand dollars (but probably much more) on surgery, hardware, and calibration per disposable worker, and then if you fire them or they get a brain infection or something, you just lose that money. And if you cheap out, it doesn't work and you lose the money. And then the result, if it works, is that you get a button that makes them worse at their jobs when you press it.

A large corporation bent on technological enslavement to save a few pennies would literally get better results from slapping $30 shock collars on everyone.

Q: Does the study pay you?

A: I get the medical care for free. And $10 every other week to cover transportation costs.

#cyborgposting

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cherryrikis · 9 months ago

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HEAVY HEART

PAIRING football captain!bf jake x fem reader

WARNINGS swearing, dehydration, mentions of jake killing himself (but its just a reference to an argument), a lot of break up talk (spoiler alert - this is not foreshadowing), jake’s kinda depressed, crying and a lot more kinds of sappy stuf

GENRE angst, fluff, also not proofread

SYNOPSIS jake returns home nearly 3 weeks post argument, only to find the house empty. to the public, it seemed you two were broken up, but he denied it. your relationship couldn’t end like this. when you finally do come back, you don’t expect jake to be sleeping in your once shared bed. and you definitely don’t expect him to beg for forgiveness.

part 1 is here. but this can be read as a standalone!

to jake, the world seemed colorless without you.

anything and everything you both once shared a love for, seemed to dull with only one person.

the flowers he bought you over a month ago had wilted, with no one to take care of them.

when jake returned to your shared apartment the day after the argument, he didn’t think you’d be the one to leave. at least, that’s what it seemed like. you didn’t technically leave, just, away from the house.

luckily, jake was able to find out through heeseung that you’ve been staying at yizhuo’s house. at least you were safe.

she’ll come back. she just needs time. he often reminded.

but days bled into weeks, into nearly a month that you’ve been gone, and jake found himself longing for you even more than before.

jake’s usual routine was to brush his teeth, change his clothes, and lie down in bed as he hugged your pillow (now stained with his tears).

his hair was so nappy, it had gone days, nearly a week, without being brushed out.

jake had grown accustomed to this sad usual cycle. but he still wasn’t used to being by himself. at least, not used to being without you.

so when he heard the faint click of the lock at the front door, he jumped up in shock. jake immediately discarded the depressed pillow and ran up to you with your luggage and all.

he pulled you into a tight hug, nearly forgetting the current situation all because he missed you being in his hold. jake realized how much he took you for granted. he just wanted his girlfriend back.

but it wasn’t that easy.

“oh, sorry..” he cleared his throat as he felt you gently try to pull away.

with the space between you two, you could see his features more clearly. your heart ached as you examined his pale face.

the more you looked at him, the more you realized there were three things for certain. one, jake most likely hasn’t gone outside since he came back home from jay’s (due to how pale he appeared and how cold his skin felt).

two, jake hasn’t been sleeping well, if he had even slept at all, due to all the crying he’s done (thanks to his dark circles and puffy eyes).

three, he’s missed you so much beyond compare, you nearly felt the slightest bit of sympathy for him (your discarded pillow on the floor made it clear as you walked into the once shared bedroom).

“can we talk please?” jake croaked out with a sore voice, as he’s had no reason to use it in the last few weeks.

he continued to follow you around the room as you walked over to the closet, tossing your heavy luggage inside of it.

“i know you haven’t been doing well. i heard jungwon and heeseung tried to visit. but you never answered.” you ignored, as you reached up to pull jake’s old sweater (which you stole) off the hanger.

he watched you struggle for a little while, before ultimately grabbing it for you. “thanks.” you murmured, pulling the soft cotton material over your head.

“y/n-” jake started, only for you to cut him off again. “and sunghoon. jay as well. jay and sunghoon actually were the ones who called me, convinced me to come over.”

you briefly looked up at your boyfriend, pausing your actions before moving back down to continue unpacking your luggage.

“y/n..” he trailed off. you acted as if you hadn’t heard him though, focusing on unpacking your bags.

“y/n!” jake called out. his head had been pounding with dehydration now. he wasn’t sure if he was yelling or whispering. the sudden change in behavior had you turning around entirely as you flinched.

“please, baby girl. y/n. can’t we just talk?” he begged. jake watched as you stood up from the ground, before following you as you walked passed him, across the room.

“whats there to talk about? i thought i nagged you so much to the point you ‘wanted to kill yourself’.” you quoted back to your previous argument that caused this distance between you.

jake grabbed you by your arm, forcefully turning you around so you could face him. but when he finally met your gaze, he took note of your glossy eyes, realizing the amount of tears you were holding back.

“jakey. all those things you said were unbelievable, and incredibly hurtful, jake. you can’t just expect me to forgive you. i just.. need more time.” you sighed, rubbing your forehead in frustration as you plopped down onto the bed.

“even more time then this last month?” he asked, taking a seat next to you.

“yes jake! even more time than that! you don’t understand how much damage you really did to me. i came here with a heavy heart, not even sure if i wanted to be around you. but when i heard from your friends how poorly you were taking care of yourself, i couldn’t just leave you.” you sniffled.

jake reached up to wipe your tears, but you slapped his arm away, moving to wipe your cheek with the back of your hand.

he gave you your space, watching you scoot further away so you had easier access to the tissue box on the floor. the moment was still before he finally spoke up again.

"i'm not asking for forgiveness, im asking you to hear me out. please, my angel girl. im begging you. i want you to know how sorry i am." jake's eyes too began to water.

he watched your face as you hesitated to let the words out, before you finally moved back closer towards him.

"okay. we can talk." you whisper, before grabbing your forgotten pillow off the floor.

“i was just.. so filled with stress, and anger. between failing so many classes, grades dropping, and coach saying i had terrible performance in the last few games, i wasn’t sure if what to do.” jake paused, watching to see if you were paying attention. you nodded in response, gesturing for him to continue.

“i guess i’m just saying i wasn’t able to handle the stress of a relationship back then. if i couldn’t be happy, i had no idea how to make you happy. and i was mad at myself for disappointing you. mad at you for being disappointed in me. everything just kinda came out in the moment. whether you heard it or not, i felt so guilty for saying something i didn’t mean to say.” he sighed.

“oh, my poor jake,” you pouted, moving to rest your head on his shoulder. “baby, if you were going through all of this, you should’ve told me. i know you hate to talk but there aren’t things you can go through alone. and sure, i may have been upset with you for forgetting or missing dates and not communicating, but never disappointed. never ever was i disappointed in you.”

“i guess i should work on that. i just hate confrontation.” he sighed. the two of you chuckled in unison. “it’s okay, i’ll help you out. baby steps, my love.”

“i’m just so scared of hurting you again,” jake started once more. “you’re just so fragile, so delicate to me, you know? i hate the thought of putting you through all that shit again. because i love you. so i want to be more open with you.”

you were glad jake wanted to change for the better, and for you. but you couldn’t lie when you said your stomach dropped a little at the thought of all that he said. but in the long duration you spent apart, it’s clear he’d been thinking about what he wanted to say. he had matured. jake reassured you it won’t happen again, and that’s all you needed. his reassurance.

jake pulls you down, so that the two of you are lying flat on the soft bed. you attempt to sit up, only to be brought back down as jake took your pillow out your hands.

“let me go cook something for us baby.” you hum as he began to pepper kisses all across your cheeks, your forehead, and jawline.

but jake only held you tighter, pulling you closer toward his now warm body (if even possible). “just stay with me mama. you’ve been gone for so long and you already want to leave.” he whined. you chuckle in response, before finally meeting him halfway and pressing a kiss on his plump, dry lips.

"you still have my pillow." you raise a brow.

jake sat up slightly, to throw your pillow across the room. "you don't need it. you have me." he replied, before leaning back down so he could bring your head to lay on his chest.

you smile as you felt his heartbeat begin to beat faster. you were home, and all was forgiven for now. that’s all that mattered.

maybe dinner could wait.

networks ! @en-diaries

taglist ! @pinksweetlittlepiano @yunjica @sunshine-skz @stormy1408 @gardenwons @hellokiittylexii @ivyvioletcarson @river-demon-slayer @blvengene @strawberrynull @maiteeeeesstuff @firstclassjaylee @mersmoon

#en-diaries #enhypen x reader #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen smau #jake sim x reader #jake x reader #jake sim #sim jaeyun x reader #serena writes ! jake

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yoiisa · 29 days ago

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HEEELLAURRR

can I request headcanon bllk boys anyone of your choice including sae 🙏🏻 with wifey reader during post pantrum depression since no one writes about it 😔 and it’s the boys just helping her out here and there??

ofc!!, I’ll do sae, bachira, isagi, and kunigami

all characters aged up (20+)! Tags: TW for depression, anxiety, self-loathing language, and feelings of inadequacy. Reader is struggling w depression in this fic, so proceed with caution for sure! major angst (argument between couple in Isagi's) with tiny doses of fluff throughout, hurt with only a tiny bit of comfort (except for kuni and maybe isagi)

if you ever find yourself struggling with ppd please call 1-800-944-4773 or visit postpartum.net i have so much respect for mothers out there, but please remember that the best mothers take care of themselves as well as their babies!! you got this babe, and with that let's get on to the fic

➜ at first, having a baby with sae itoshi was fine. everything was going smoothly- well, as smoothly as having a newborn could ➜ still, there was always that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that festered in you. it was dark and cold and rose like bile in your throat that you had to swallow down ➜ the monotony of every day settling in on you was only feeding the dread inside of you. waking at the ass crack of dawn for a diaper change or to feed, and then running around all day caring for your daughter's every whim and desire ➜ sae helped where he could, but obviously there were some tasks only you could accomplish, and it was driving you to a brink ➜ eventually, he had to leave to go to Spain for some work, and you swore up and down that you could handle him being gone for a couple weeks. he was reluctant to leave you alone, but duty called after all, so he left ➜ and suddenly, that darkness consumed all of you and it was too much. you just . . . snapped

Sae knew leaving you alone was a bad idea. He'd seen the ways you'd been tiring yourself out, running after Yuki, and without him around, he worried seriously for your health. Nonetheless, you'd insisted that he go to Spain for his work, instead of just trying to handle it all from Japan itself. "I'll be fine, you don't need to worry," you insist, you're head on his chest. "She's been at home for 4 months now, I've gotten our routine down to a science by now." Sae played with your hair, twirling the locks around his fingers as he hummed, "Okay. I'll go then." As he was leaving, he made sure you promised him that if anything happened, anything at all, that you would immediately call him and tell him. You'd just waved him off, which did absolutely nothing to quell the dread in his stomach about leaving. He knows you don't notice how attentive he really is to you, but he notices everything about you. He worships the smallest details that make you who you are, that make you his wife. With that in mind, it's so incredibly frustrating when you think he doesn't notice how your smile doesn't reach your eyes anymore, or how your skin has become dry because you haven't been drinking enough water. It's 2:41 A.M. when he gets the call. It's been a week since he'd left for Spain. He peels his mask off and blinks blearily at his phone, which vibrates along his hotel's night stand. It should be around 9 where you are right now, which is pretty early for you to be calling him . . . unless something happened. Sae instantly sits up alert, his heart racing as he answers and puts his phone to his ear, "Hello? Y/N, what's wrong?" You're silent for a moment, which allows him to hear Yuki screaming her lungs out in the background of the call. Finally, you croak, "Help. Please, she won't stop crying. She's been up since 1 in the morning, and I . . . I don't know what to do." Sae's breath hitches. "I'm coming home." He can tell the guilt is eating you alive as you whisper his name, but he doesn't care. He cuts off any protests you might have with a, "My girls need me. I'm coming home. I'll get on the next available flight. I'll see you soon. I love you." His heart shatters as you don't return the affection, instead just sobbing into the microphone, "I'm sorry."

➜ part of the reason bachira meguru fell for you was because of your smile ➜ you exuded happiness and joy with every step you took and he was drawn to that aura like a moth to a flame ➜ but after having your baby, bachira noticed that the glow you had once was drained from you like a sponge. you traded in your glowing eyes for dark circles and your frown seemed perpetual ➜ worse yet, he noticed how rarely you smiled at your son ➜ at the beginning, when things weren't as bad, you would offer up the occasionally tiny smile, but you'd become so distant from the boy as of late. you'd become distant from him as well ➜ and he hates it. he did what he could to try and pull you back to his side, to get him to tell him what's wrong, but nothing was working, and it was starting to make him feel in over his head as well ➜ he cracks eventually and calls his mom, completely lost on how to help you navigate your depression

It all happens in a blur. One minute, Bachira is walking into your son's nursery to put some laundry away and the next minute, his entire world tilts as you whisper, "I don't love him." You're standing over Kaede's crib, just staring down at the little swaddled thing. Your husband is at your side in an instant, his hands squeezing your arms as he's begging for an explanation. You practically fall into his chest, your legs weak as you fall to the floor. You're not crying or anything, it's like your body's too weak for even that. All you can manage is the quietest, "I don't . . . feel how I'm supposed to when I look at him. I don't know what's happening." Bachira and you stay curled up together on the floor for a while, until Kaede starts crying. You tense in his arms as the shrill sound pierces your ears. Bachira shoots up from the floor and tends to your son, leaving you lying there as helplessness washes over him. Once you've gone to bed later that night, he instantly is on the phone with his mom. "I don't know, is something wrong with her? Should I be scared for Kaede? I don't want him to get hurt," Bachira sighs, rubbing his forehead. "I don't think Y/N will hurt him," Yu sighs on the other end of the line. "She's probably just overwhelmed right now. A lot of women go through this when they first have their kids. We get told a lot that motherhood is this wonderful thing, but a lot of times, the amount of work it takes is exhausting and is completely glossed over. The stress of it all can cause new moms to get really bad depression. It can make you want to give up on everything sometimes." Bachira bites at the skin around his nails before asking meekly, "Did you want to give up on me?" "No," Yu replies fondly, recalling the days of Bachira's infancy. "Believe it or not, you weren't a fussy baby at all. It made being a single mother easier at first, but when you got older, well, you know." Bachira nods as Yu continues, "Why don't I come over for the next week or so? I can help Y/N take care of Kaede, and the two of you can also get some alone time, if I take Kaede off your hands for a while." "Seriously? You don't mind?" Yu shakes her head, her smile widening. "It'd be my pleasure. I'll also talk with Y/N as well. Hopefully she'll feel a bit better. I knew someone who had post partum depression . . . I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

➜ isagi yoichi hates feeling powerless more than anything in the world ➜ it's part of the reason he was able to adapt so well in the world of soccer after all. he encounters all kinds of players on the field, and he needs to be flexible with himself in order to make sure he doesn't sink underneath all the talent ➜ but babies are different. they don't operate on logic or patterns or anything like that. they feel everything in excruciating levels and the same can be said for depression ➜ when isagi notices that something's up with you too, in addition to the learning curve of having a newborn son around, he also gets thrown in way in over his head ➜ the two of you begin to have arguments a lot as a result. he is upset because the entire pregnancy, you'd been raving about how you couldn't wait to have a kid, and now? now all of that was gone ➜ after a particularly explosive fight, he finally sees the pain you're going through as well, best believe he'll do whatever he can to make sure you get the help you need ➜ after all, he can't do this by himself

"Yoichi please-" "I just don't understand," Isagi groans, kneeling in front of you. His hands are on your knees and his face is bowed. "I . . . I thought we agreed that this is what we wanted? Why are you backing out now that Ryuji's already here?!" "Who said I was backing out?" you ask incredulously. "Haven't I been doing everything I can? I've been feeding him, changing him, comforting him when he cries. I haven't showered in a week for fucks sake!" "And you look a million miles away throughout it all! You have this face- this horrible distant expression! I just don't understand, didn't you want this?" You slip up and shout, "Who would want this?!" and Isagi flinches back. The two of you stare at one another in horror, before your husband's face contorts to something between grief and anger. "The hell does that mean?" he growls and you lose it. You start bawling and screaming, "Who wants a life confined to just this?! To sore breasts and shit stains and hair pulling and the crying- he won't stop fucking crying! I can't make him stop, you can't make him stop! I don't know what to do!" You fall onto the floor, your hands stabilizing yourself on Isagi's shoulders as you continue to wail. "I want to be there with him! I want to hold my son and be happy to be a mother, but I just can't. Everything feels so big when I hold him, and I feel so small. I hate myself for it! I see other mother's and feel horrible, like why can't I just be them?! It . . . I hate myself so much. I'm horrible. I'm so horrible." Isagi's heart shatters as you cry and he instantly wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his lap. You tuck your face into his neck and inhale, breathing him in in a way you haven't done since long before Ryuji was born. You stay like that for a while before you croak, "You need to leave me." "What?" Isagi blanches. "I'm not cut out for this whole motherhood thing. I'm so scared one day, I'll do something terrible to Ryu. Something that'll hurt him. I'm not safe to be around. You need to leave me." Isagi stills, his heart pounding a mile a minute. Finally he manages, "I'm taking you to a doctor tomorrow. A psychiatrist at the hospital hopefully. Ryuji will go to my parent's house for a while until we can figure out what to do next." Before you can protest anything, he kisses your forehead. "And that step will not be to leave you. Not in a million years, so you can just forget about that."

➜ kunigami rensuke would quite frankly be the best person at helping you deal with your depression ➜ he knows the intensity of depression, and what it can do to people, especially when they are feeling isolated and alone. he did go through the wild card program after all ➜ he thinks back to how he was during his wild card training and the nel, and to know you're experiencing that kinda intense depression right now pains him beyond the telling ➜ ultimately, he just stays by your side no matter what. if you need space from your daughter, he's quick to help you get some quiet. if you need a shoulder to cry on, he'll hold you for as long as he can, letting your tears soak his shirt without a word of complaint ➜ after all, you've given him the gift of your daughter, so the least he can do is take care of her mother, and his wife, as well

You're sitting up in bed, your eyes closed and a cup of tea in your hands. It's only half drunk and starting to cool, but the cup is still warm enough to keep your hands from freezing, so you hold tight. Eventually, Kunigami steps into the bedroom, a soft smile on his face as he sees you. He walks up to you and sits beside you, his head resting on your lap. "Is Sakura asleep?" You ask, petting his orange hair. He hums in confirmation and peeks up at you through his lashes. You take note of the dark circles under his eyes and you look away, guilt eating at you. "I'm sorry," you whisper, and he tilts his head. "For what?" You purse your lips before sighing. You set the tea off to the side and close your eyes. "For making you do all the work. I wish I . . . I was a better mom and wife." He shoots up, immediately his hands going to your cheeks, brushing away imaginary tears. "Hey, hey none of that. You're an excellent mother, and a wonderful wife. Why on earth would you think otherwise?" "Because you've taken all the hard jobs like putting her to sleep and changing her-" "Because you've already done more than enough for her and for me. You keep her alive- hell you gave her life- and you continue to do other things around the house, like cooking amazing food for me. I couldn't ask for anything more, truly." You lean into his hands. A tear leaks from your eyes as you ask, "Really, Ren?" Kunigami nods and presses his forehead against yours. "Just keep doing what you're doing. If I need help, I'll ask, and if you need help, ask. I don't ever want you to feel like you're not doing enough or that you're alone. You're not, you never will be, not while I'm here." You sob, and he kisses you through it, his lips soft against yours. For the first time in months, you feel like you can properly relax.

a/n: this is prob gonna get a tad bit personal, but i just wanna reiterate how much love and respect I hold for mothers out there. all of the women in my fam have problems with their reproductive health, and it's likely that I will too when I'm older. Despite this, they've never been anything but incredibly mothers and role models and I love my mom, my aunts, and my grandma dearly

i also want to be a mom when I'm older and I encourage everyone who also wants this to do some serious research into what pregnancy/motherhood entails. it's rough out here for us girls and no one is gonna support us the way we will ourselves, and part of that means being educated on our bodies, despite the lack of proper research done with them a lot of times

anyways, rant over. love y'all and stay safe to all the mamas out there!

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