#descriptions and pictures of genitals at link

[tallulah477]

hi! i was wondering do you have a visual or description of the na'vis genitals? I know you mention it coming out of a sheath, but id love to know more! Tysm :)

I love this question more than you can imagine LMAO

Ok, so . . . In my mind I have a specific image that I picture when writing alien genitalia for the Na'vi (based on my own personal preferences, of course). I wish I had an exact image so that I could show you but I haven't come across one that looks exactly like what I want. (There's a severe lack of drawn alien genitalia for Avatar, so if anyone knows of some good art . . . lemme know 👀)

That being said, if you want a visual, lemme give a HUGE shout out to @/Killveous on Twitter/X cause he has some great Na'vi genitalia designs and they have a lot of the aspects that I visualize and I actually lost my mind when I stumbled across it.

Link here for your viewing pleasure and reference.

I haven't really considered it too much for the females yet, but for the males this is what I picture:

Cocks are retractible and sit inside the body for protection.

The slit (or sheath) is a flat opening between his thighs that acts as the entrance for the cock to come out or retract back into for mating. When aroused, the slit becomes slightly engorged or puffy and wet with a natural lubricant (or slick). It feels good if you rub it or lick it!

When aroused enough, the cock peeks out through the slit until it's completely out. The slick coats the inside of the slit and the cock to help the slide out and make it wet.

I also really like the idea that the Na'vi slick has some kind of natural aphrodisiac in it so that if its ingested (so like by licking slit or sucking it off a cock during oral), it increases the consumer's arousal and desire. It would taste really sweet, I think.

I also think that the slick would provide some kind of aid to help ease the stretch during penetration to avoid any real pain or uncomfortableness and make taking the obscene size of the Na'vi more manageable, which would be really helpful with Na'vi/Human relationships.

The tip is a pretty lavender color and slightly cone shaped but not a crazy amount, just enough to make it look visibly different from a normal cock

No foreskin cause it's naturally protected by the sheath

There are bumps and barbs along the shaft and a few scattered on the tip for added texture and stimulation as well as glowing bioluminescent freckles

Bioluminescent cum! (I don't remember who made up this headcanon but . . . THANK YOU cause omg it's so good.)

When close to orgasm, a knot forms at the base of the cock. It's basically a large ball that swells and then eventually locks inside the female, usually with the intention of getting her pregnant, until it deflates and he can pull out.

[bignosebaby]

The Fall of the House of Usher: How about that chimp attack?

WARNING for discussion and explicit description of fatal chimp mauling, and pictures of fake gore.

Out of all of the unique and gruesome deaths that occur in Mike Flanagan's Netflix miniseries, I of course took particular notice of the mauling in episode 3; "Murder in the Rue Morgue".

In this episode, Camille L'Espanaye investigates her sister's laboratory where chimpanzees are being used as test subjects for an experimental medical implant. While taking pictures of the lab Camille comes face to face with one of the chimps, who attacks and mauls her to death. So how accurate is this?

While the chimpanzees in this scene are computer generated animation (which is the popular and ethical way to have primates in film), the depiction is largely accurate. It is not at all unlikely that a chimpanzee would maul a person in this setting and circumstance, or indeed in general.

Any setting with captive chimpanzees is attuned to how dangerous they can be even when treated ethically. Chimpanzees are several times stronger than humans and aggression and fighting are natural parts of their lives. As such, chimpanzees are separated from humans by metal mesh to ensure interactions are safe. Here's an example from Chimp Sanctuary Northwest, a very high quality sanctuary:

The chimpanzees are separated from humans by metal mesh barriers with gaps large enough to fit fingers through, but small enough that they couldn't reach through and grab a person, object, or clothing. This way the human caretakers can still interact with the chimps, but the danger is greatly reduced. Wearing scrubs, gloves, a mask, and keeping hair and loose items secured also reduces the risk of danger and are commonplace in primate caretaking. For contrast, this is the lab Camille enters:

These bars are not only spaced so that a chimp could easily reach through and grab a person, but the narrow shape of this room is such that there would actually be very few spots a person could walk or stand where a chimp couldn't grab them. This is definitely not regulation and extremely dangerous, and even if the chimpanzee that mauled Camille didn't make it outside the enclosure it still could have plausibly killed her. Narratively speaking the Usher family is established to violate rules and regulations, including vital health and safety protocols, so it isn't a reach to assume that this lab would not adhere to safety standards.

It is correctly pointed out in this episode that using chimpanzees as test subjects in biomedical research ended in 2015, but it is explained that the Usher family was able to get exemption for the research undertaken at this lab. As such, up to this point I found the episode to be satisfactory in its accuracy.

There is however, one big inaccuracy I couldn't ignore.

Chimpanzee maulings are notoriously brutal. Both chimp-on-chimp incidents and chimpanzee attacks on humans are extremely disturbing. When chimps attack to maim and kill they target the hands, genitals, and faces of their opponents, and cannibalism is common both during and after fatal attacks. Combinations of beating, tearing, and biting both in the initial attack and to the body afterwards mean that many chimp attack victims are rendered all but unrecognizable. While the chimp mauling in The Fall of the House of Usher happens off screen, the audience is shown the aftermath (above) and Camille's body, which is almost entirely obscured by the blood. Later, Camille's body haunts her father which allows us to get a clear look:

As strange as it sounds to say, I was disappointed! After being mauled to death late at night, Camille's body stayed in the lab for several hours until the scene was discovered the next morning. In the initial attack and the hours to follow, it would be very unlikely that her corpse would have even a partially intact face or hands. I will not be including photographs or links to actual chimp mauling victims, but Charla Nash who famously survived a chimp mauling was left with only a few fingers and required a face transplant as her eyes, nose, and jaw were destroyed. After several hours I would expect that Camille's body would have no face or hands, and severely torn clothing.

The chimpanzee attack, like many of the events in this show, have supernatural elements. Obviously not everything has to be perfectly accurate, but I think it would have been an asset not only in building the horror, but from a literary analysis perspective. Kate Siegel (the actress who plays Camille) said in an interview "I would say in the moment my face is removed, that would be the pinnacle of my character", and I have to agree. As the public relations coordinator for the Usher family, Camille controls the metaphorical face of the family, and her hands are the ones that pull the figurative strings. Making it obvious that not only did she meet her end as a result of trying to pull strings and manipulate the family image by digging into the lab, but that the result was the mutilation and loss of her own face and hands could have been not only horrific but a terrific literary device.

Accuracy rating: 8/10

[thorraborinn]

Hi there! I saw this article with some new runic inscription finds a while ago (www sciencenorway no/archaeology-runes-viking-age/rune-stick-and-game-piece-with-runic-inscriptions-found-in-eastern-norway/2430016) and I've tried a couple of times to find more about the stick that apparently says "from daring dice games come all kinds of outcomes." Do you know of a database where I could find it and the exact inscription in, I assume, old norse. I'd like to see the original untranslated words :)

I'm not as on top of this stuff as I once was, so it's possible I've missed something. But I believe that this is still too recent a find to have made it into any of the sources that are currently accessible like Samnordisk runtextdatabas.

The article doesn't attribute the translation but it was probably provided by Kristel Zilmer of the Museum of Cultural History at the University of Oslo, as she provided the image itself and all the other information in the article about runes. Zilmer has been busy recently as both the museum's go-to person for the press, and researching a number of other runic finds, so she probably just hasn't gotten around to publishing this one yet. Her CV does list something called "Runefunn i 2022 of 2023" but that doesn't seem to be something findable. So I'm inclined to think that she just provided her

Back in the day new finds would be published in Nytt om Runer but that hasn't been around since 2004. Now there is a project in the works to digitize the museum's archives in a web-accessible format but it isn't complete yet; the project is being led by none other than Kristel Zilmer (link in Norwegian).

I don't mind admitting that I personally have quite a bit of difficulty reading this. I'm getting:

þvi . a=lt . af . [s?]tirþar? . ?af?e . ?eka=r . ma=rk . sko=t

Several of those ?'s might be i but might have the twigs cut off. I suspect Zilmer is interpreting the word I wrote ?af?e as tafle, dative of tafl 'board/dice game' which you might recognize from the chess-like game hnefa-tafl. I think ma=rk is probably being read as (OIce) mǫrg 'many', and skot might be exactly what it looks like; skot at it's most literal means 'shot' but has a wide variety of uses, see also skjóta 'to shoot.'

If I were just looking at this fresh without a translation at hand I'd be very uncertain of what I wrote [s?]tirþar?. I'm seeing a very short vertical line in the beginning that looks like it could be an s, although it's quite different from what I'm calling an s in skot. If it ends with an -ar than it's probably a feminine noun in the genitive case rather than an adjective, since there's no noun to give an adjective an -ar ending. I can't find any words starting st that fit the description, and sd- is impossible in Norse, so we should probably conclude there's no s there. I might not have thought of this without the translation already provided, but I believe Zilmer is reading it as (in normalized Old Icelandic) dirfðar, genitive of dirfð 'boldness.' An f in most positions is pronounced like a "v," including here, so if you picture it as dirvðar you might see why they might not bother to write the f.

If we've done this right so far the only remaining ? is the one in ?eka=r, nor am I entirely confident that the last letter is an r (but it probably is, because we expect a verb here, and -ar is an expected ending for a singular, third-person verb). I'm not sure how this inscription is dated, or much about the development of Norwegian, so I don't know if je is possible here -- it wouldn't be in Old Icelandic. The only other runes it could be are t and l, and t makes this (sort of) legible: tekar tekar. In earlier language we'd expect tekr but maybe this is late enough that they're sticking epenthetic vowels in there, like in Nynorsk teker 'takes.'

So I'd provisionally suggest something like this, attempting to reflect features of the language it's written in, followed by the equivalent in Old Icelandic:

Þuī allt af dirfðartafle tekær marg skot Því allt af dirfðartafli tekr mǫrg skot

Which I would definitely have trouble translating directly but I can certainly see the provided translation making sense.

But I'm really seriously not confident in this at all. And I don't think I could have done even this if I weren't trying to retrofit it into an already-existing translation.

I think your options are to wait a while, either for Kristel Zilmer to publish a paper including this find or to finish the digitized runic archive project, or you could always send her an email and ask directly. Her contact info is on her page on the museum's website.

[harrypotterfuryroad]

fjakdsfjkl they're checking children's genitals in Ohio & florida and y'all radfems totally sided with them to get it done, much like your calls for censorship silenced lesbian authors in the nineties (see the feminist sex wars/porn wars and/or struggles of the little sisters canadian bookshop).

wow, amazing. you STILL, even after fucking LINKING it, very obviously failed to read the whole thing. she absolutely described radical feminist ideology. and being well-read is something you guys pride yourselves on...that's pretty sad. i'm not even saying this is a premier source against your crock of shit ideology; i frequently cite many others. yet you failed--multiple times, now--to properly read the one single tumblr post i brought to your attention.

by far the most obnoxious conversation to have with you people is the "sex is binary" conversation. it's so eerily like talking to the scientologist freaks i grew up around, it's like a deja vu nightmare. biology is complex. also, it doesn't care. not "it doesn't care and that's why women are fucked by it!" no, it just doesn't fucking care. period. it's neutral. why in hell are you treating biological sex like it's spiritual...oh, that's right, because of your incessant and childish need to feel like a victim, which matters more than other people and certainly more than the truth. intersex people exist. you guys deny it alot, but they do. they're about as common as redheads. are redheads fucking fictitious, "harrypotterfuryroad"?

i am a cis woman, and i'm annoyed with what influence (feeble though it is, it's still important because you quite literally endanger lives) you've managed to have over the very important, real conversation about systemic misogyny. the irony is that you have made it harder to talk about. you have hindered progress. by oppressing women you have *omg you'll never guess, cue drumroll* fucking oppressed women.

as that post said, you don't own the definition of womanhood. society does. and it and i (hello, a cis woman born with your same genitals and born into the same oppression you've faced, not that it matters!) don't agree with you. get the fuck over yourself and grow up.

name one radfem that supported genital checks and follow that up by explaining why men belong in women's sports in the first place

and am i supposed to be shocked that anti-porn feminists were anti-porn regardless of who was producing it? are you shocked? did you think you had some kind of gotcha by saying that anti-porn arguments were coopted by homophobes? that horse is long past dead

she described it, sure, but she didn't define it. and a lot of those descriptive statements were total asspulls anyway. like, imagine you ask me what a square is, and i give you "it isn't a circle," "sometimes they're blue," and "they're related to trapezoids" as descriptive statements. all of these can be true, but they're not useful in gauging if i actually know what makes a square a square. so yeah i'm gonna go ahead and reject a pile of descriptive and spuriously ascriptive statements as a coherent definition, thanks. throwing out things like "TERFs think they're leftists" and "TERFs are inherently fascist" doesn't give any clear picture of what (again) a radfem is, especially with the implicit split between radfems and "TERFs"

and likewise i'll breeze right past your attention-grabbing link to scientology, i posted a few weeks ago about why that isn't productive without much more detail. i'm not treating biology like it's spiritual; i'm treating sex like it's binary. you're the one taking that spiritually by acting like i'm making some kind of individual moral judgment based on it. the redhead frequency thing is fucking stupid, because just like redheads still have hair, intersex people are still male or female (and they're also not there to be used as pawns by you)

also please tell me how it's been made harder to talk about systemic misogyny with specific examples because i'm curious about that

and finally the womanhood thing was the exact line that made it clear that the writer of that post had no idea what she was talking about. the boundaries that feminists have drawn around womanhood are really lenient and really broad. nothing about behavior or dress or class or race disqualifies you from "womanhood." there's no wrong way to be a woman except by being male, and there's no point in taking that personally

[silver-and-ivory]

>If you are looking around for information about intersexuality, one of the first things you’re likely to read is that “most intersex children are assigned female at birth.” This is in fact false.

>In the U.S. today, according to the CDC, one in 125 children assigned male at birth is surgically modified to fit that binary sex status. The percentage of children assigned female at birth who are genitally altered in infancy to feminize their genitalia seems to be lower. Exactly how much lower is very difficult to determine, since nobody is gathering the data we’d need to have. The reason we know the 1-in-125 figure is because these children assigned male are all given the same diagnosis: hypospadias. Hypospadias is the diagnosis given to most children born with intermediate genitalia who have external testes. Rates of hypospadias have been increasing, and the CDC is collecting data due to concern about that.

>The reason people continue to say that few intersex individuals are assigned male is that doctors term hypospadias a “penile malformation” rather than an “intersex condition.”

>I’ve written about this before in this post. I noted there, “medical diagnostic categories are not logical, despite our ideology that they should be so. The majority of individuals born with intermediate sexual anatomies [and surgically assigned male] are not given an intersex diagnosis. I believe that what underlies this is gender ideology. And that gender ideology is this: masculinity is fragile, especially when it comes to what a man has in his pants. To live as a man with an inadequate penis is seen as intolerable. To have one’s status as a ‘real man’ challenged is viewed as psychologically crushing. Thus, doctors feel, if they were to categorize someone as intersex and then assign them male, they would be acting cruelly. Women, on the other hand, are perceived as more gender-flexible. After all, it’s reasoned, a woman isn’t shamed by wearing pants or taking on a power career. [Doctors view] female-assigned people as more comfortable with androgyny and as better at dealing with emotional challenges.” Because of assumptions about fragile masculinity and flexible femininity, doctors feel more at ease assigning children they designate as intersex female. Those they regularly surgically alter to conform to binary male sex norms, they wish not to label intersex.

[thefirstknife]

SIGH

Myelin released a video today arguing that Osiris is already dead. I disagree with most of his arguments and also am not a fan of some of them in particular and I want to address this in case people watch and are confused. And I assume people will ask questions about it. I think Myelin himself is also confused about certain things he mentioned and isn't interpreting them properly.

Disclaimer: obviously I am biased when it comes to this. I want Osiris to not die. This isn't an attempt to entirely disprove the theory that he may be dead already. Ultimately I don't know if he's dead. I'll do my best to look at it objectively and also address Myelin's points objectively.

I'll try to summarise Myelin's points and address them but you can always watch his video yourself to make sure I didn't interpret him wrong.

Now, Myelin's main point is that Osiris was possessed by Savathun instead of Savathun making a meat puppet/clone in his image or simply shapeshifting into him. His first proof is the Wolftone Draw bow lore. We've all read the lore and Myelin also reads the lore.

First, he wonders how Osiris is seeing what Savathun is doing. Obviously, we have no answer for this yet. Myelin's position is that this is proof of him being possessed and him trying to break through the possession. He also says that some of it seems like "Osiris views his own body in a third perspective." Which I agree with!

What I disagree with is Myelin saying this could mean Osiris' "physical body was destroyed" and that he may be floating around in some form similar to Toland. I'm not sure why complicate the matter in this way when the most obvious answer to this is simply that Savathun has created a clone or shapeshifted into a form of Osiris and the real Osiris is trapped somewhere. The lore seems to indicate this pretty clearly to me:

I cannot speak, cannot breathe, I reach for Sagira but then I remember… I form a fist but feel nothing, I am bound, and as I thrash the images cut fissures through my mind—

And:

She has stolen my form, my voice, but someone will see my failure and cast her out… they MUST—

These seem to me like he is somewhere and he is seeing through his clone's eyes at certain points. It would fit Savathun's MO to torture him in this way. She assumed his form and the real him is bound elsewhere, somewhere safe. I've said so before, and it turned out to be true: Savathun is using Osiris as a bargaining chip so possessing him would be much riskier to her plan than simply keeping him imprisoned somewhere where we can't get to him and where he can't break free from possession. It would make no sense for her to kill him.

As for how he's seeing things if he's not possessed: Savathun is THE Witch Queen. She has exhibited a wide array of magical and paracausal abilities, including the ability to shapeshift and watch others through objects and living beings. Osiris specifically says that he is "bound" and that the images of what she's doing "cut fissures through his mind" and that he's "thrashing," as well as asserting that Savathun "has stolen his form." If he's bound somewhere in her throne world, she may very well be using some sort of Hive magic to inflict images she wants him to see upon him. Just enough to allow him to know that he is a prisoner.

I'm not sure why Myelin only makes two positions: either he's in third perspective without a body like Toland OR he's possessed. The third option is right there: Savathun assumed his likeness.

That brings both Myelin and me to his next point which he positions as the "real turning point" for him. It's from the Chrysura Melo autorifle:

Savathûn, physical form a twisting instar, emerges from the shadows and crawls over the shattered pieces of the Ghost. She reaches toward the ruined man.

Myelin focuses on the bold part, a specific word: "instar." This is a nice catch btw, something I haven't noticed before. He describes what an "instar" is. Tw bugs for that link, but an instar is "a developmental stage of arthropods, such as insects, between each moult (ecdysis), until sexual maturity is reached." Savathun's physical form is described as a twisting instar at this point and Myelin says that she is in the stage of changing herself into a new form. He also says that in this form she "needs a new skin" and therefore steals the skin of Osiris aka possesses him.

But from all the googling and research I've done, I can't seem to find any examples of insect instars needing to acquire a new outside source to change their forms. They simply exist in one larval form (instar) and then change into another as they outgrow the previous one. They don't have to find another body or a host to inhabit.

Seeing as Myelin bases most of his theory on this specific word, I have to challenge that because this is simply not what that word means. Savathun, in the process of changing from one instar to another, doesn't have to possess Osiris. She simply has to change her form from one instar into another. It's still her and it's more likely that she looks to the real Osiris to use him as a model for what new form she will take.

This is why the Chrysura Melo lore page is describing "Osiris" as being uncertain on his legs and confused by human behaviours and slowly falling apart over months and months of existence: this is Savathun's instar in the shape of Osiris which is reaching the end of its lifespan and at the end of that lifespan, Savathun has to shed that instar and turn into another. Generally, moths have a few instar forms before turning into a cocoon and then later emerging out as moths. This is a nice page with pictures, but again, tw for bugs. She has clearly reached the end of her Osiris-instar and shed it away when Mara trapped her in a chrysalis cocoon where Savathun is continuing to grow, like a moth, to eventually assume the form we see in The Witch Queen. Some examples that, to me, allude to Savathun existing in a Osiris-instar and how that shape is unfamiliar to her:

Osiris takes a shaky step forward.

...

He passes the bottle, and Osiris, hands numb, puzzles at it. His mouth hangs in a half-smile before he takes a long drink, slaking a bone-deep thirst.

...

When Saint places a hand on his forearm, Osiris holds impossibly still just to see what the other man will do.

...

Osiris stumbles as he walks through the Last City.

Savathun is describing her life as Osiris and it's clear, from this and other huge amount of lore, that she was very unfamiliar with the human form and that, at the end, it started falling apart on its own. Which is what would happen to a instar of an insect, forcing it to switch into a new stage. In Ripe, she also specifically states "I am ready earlier than anticipated." In the same lore page, she also mentions a lot of really weird descriptions of how her "form" is dissolving essentially and "I clench the gangling black mass that threatens to unspool recklessly from within this shell of flesh. My new arms are too thin, too weak. My new shell still bound with thick mucus." She's barely holding it together. I'm not sure why Osiris' real human body would've been doing this.

There's another aspect from Ripe and that is that she mentions her worm inside of her:

I feel this form splitting beneath its wrappings, held together weakly by wet strands of sinew. And from deep inside, stirred by that latest scrap of deception, I hear the oily growl of the Worm.

This is how we know that her Osiris-form is her. Otherwise, Osiris' real body would've been possessed by Savathun who also holds her worm and that's more than convoluted. What we're looking at, presumably, is Savathun's instar which always has a worm at the center and evolves into other forms around the worm itself.

I'm sorry if this is rambly, but I just really can't see how possession would be possible, especially when based on insect morphology. As a last addition to the whole "instar" business which seems to be the center of Myelin's theory, I want to take a look at the word itself. It's a Latin word, and well... :

īnstar n sg (indeclinable, no genitive)

image, likeness, resemblance

counterpart

worth, value

an equal form (of)

of equal weight/size/form (to)

By the Traveler this can't be happening. Once again I am caught in the euphoria of analysing Latin words being used in Destiny. By all definitions, except maybe number 3, this alludes to a clone. An image of something. Resembling something. A likeness. Counterpart. An equal form of...

Savathun's insect-instar form fashioned in the likeness of Osiris. Not Savathun infecting Osiris: Savathun morphing herself into a counterpart of his form.

With that whole thing done, Myelin focuses on the infamous sidearm Spoiler Alert. It has a description which is just: "Someone is going to die." Myelin uses this as proof that, well, someone is going to die because the last time this gun was issued, Cayde died.

The problem here, even if we're taking this as a serious lore hint, is the timeline. Originally, Spoiler Alert was issued in Warmind. Cayde-6 died in the expansion after Warmind.

Spoiler Alert being issued in Season of the Lost would then be an equivalent of telling us someone is going to die in The Witch Queen expansion.

What does that have to do with Osiris? The position Myelin takes in this whole video is that Osiris is already dead. Not that he will die in The Witch Queen: that he has already died, perhaps at the start of this season when Savathun transformed off-screen OR even further back, at the end of Immolant, when she possessed him. This makes no sense with his other position, that Osiris is observing what Savathun is doing: how, if he's dead and why would we even get this lore if he's dead?

Most of all, Spoiler Alert, if it's alluding to a future death of a major character, cannot allude to Osiris having died before the gun was re-issued OR to him dying literally on the day the gun was re-issued. What kind of a warning is that? If they really wanted to allude to Osiris dying with this gun, the gun would've had to have been re-issued in Season of the Splicer as the final possible season to "warn us."

If Spoiler Alert is telling us some important character will really die, it's telling us this will happen in The Witch Queen. I can't imagine a situation where we save Osiris in this season and then he dies in the next expansion. Kinda pointless plotline. And it also does not fit with the rest of the video which is telling us that Osiris is already dead and Savathun is bluffing about having him as a bargaining chip. I am also not in favour of the theory that we will not find the real Osiris this season and that this plotline will stretch into The Witch Queen because that would be almost a year of grappling with the same plot of "we have to find Osiris." So whatever happens to Osiris, we will know this season. Which means the Spoiler Alert gun is of no relevance to the outcome of the Osiris plot.

The next point Myelin makes is the cutscene from week 1 of Savathun talking to us. He focuses on the image of Osiris looking kinda dead, with moths flying around him and one moth coming out of his mouth. This image is a better argument than any of the above because the imagery here is very clear. No room to misinterpret this really, we literally see Osiris being half-skeletal with a moth coming from his mouth.

However, if we take the position that Savathun made a clone, then the "dead" Osiris in this image is just that clone being dead after it fell apart and Savathun had to transform. The moth coming out of his mouth is probably what this is supposed to symbolise: Savathun outgrowing her Osiris-instar and assuming a new form, currently cocooned in Mara's chambers.

Not to mention that she literally says she "assumed his shape." Not "took his body." She "assumed his shape" to be "more pleasing to our eyes" so she could "guide our victory" against Xivu Arath. Obviously she couldn't guide us if she looked like the Hive. Instead, she morphed into a shape that looks like Osiris and kept him to herself, possibly for information as well as a bargaining chip.

The next part is something I heavily dislike as a point from Myelin.

He starts by saying how there's a trope in movies where you get attached to a character and you just have a feeling that something bad is going to happen to them because the narrative is making you form a bond with that character. And at first I thought he'll say that the narrative has been doing this with Osiris, which is WEIRD, due to how generally disliked he is in the fandom, mostly due to people misunderstanding him, but also due to other reasons which have resurfaced ever since he's been officially confirmed as a gay man in a relationship with Saint.

And of course, Myelin is not talking about Osiris at all. He's talking about Saint. He's saying that the narrative made us attached to Saint and that "they are setting up Saint-14 to lose Osiris." This is aggravating in several ways.

One, that trope about being attached to a character is generally about the character that is going to die. Bungie didn't make us get attached to Cayde so they can kill off Ikora. They made us attached to Cayde and then killed off Cayde. Making us attached to Saint-14 to kill off Osiris is completely disregarding Osiris as a character in his own right and Osiris is by far THE most powerful and important Guardian that has ever lived. To boil him down to an accessory of Saint's story is not just disrespectful to Osiris, it's just utterly wrong.

And second, essentially fridging Osiris for Saint's manpain is just homophobia. As far as I know, Myelin is not a gay man so him making this point is simply homophobic. We do not need Osiris to die to see Saint's pain and drive for vengeance against Savathun. Bungie has made that clear. It's actually never been clearer just how much Saint suffers right now, in how much pain he is and how angry he is.

It's been shown in the voice lines in the main quest, in the cutscene at the start of the season, in the week 2 radio transmission, in voice lines during various activities, in voice lines from other people talking about him (most notably Ikora saying he's "tearing up the system to find real Osiris") and in various lore tabs. We truly do NOT need more affirmation to how much Saint is suffering. We surely don't need to ramp up the angst by killing Osiris off in order to send Saint into a more of a frenzy. His frenzy is already known and already underway. The man has tried breaking into Savathun's chamber to kick her ass already. He is "tearing the system apart." He is broadcasting live. He went on a mission with Mithrax to find Sagira's remains and the most likely place where Osiris went missing. The man is already on a crusade.

I don't think he needs to learn that Osiris has died somewhere, alone, months ago in order for us to see his pain. Or to cause more pain to us, the players. It's simply a completely insensitive way of looking at a story of two gay men who have been through enough suffering already.

I know people dislike and misunderstand Osiris. I know people absolutely adore Saint. I know people would get a kick out of seeing Saint going feral instead of him behaving in a very trope-shattering way by plugging holes in the Wall and feeding pigeons and singing songs to the children of the City.

I think those people don't understand Saint nor do they appreciate him as he is. They certainly have no respect for the man he loves or for their relationship that transcends time, space and reality. And if Saint knew that, he would definitely go feral on their ass first and foremost.

I'd like to think that Season of the Lost is a direct mirror of Season of Dawn. Two very important turning points in Destiny's story that are led by an undying love between Osiris and Saint-14. Just as Osiris risked it all and we all supported him in getting Saint back, right now we are all supporting Saint and risking it all to get Osiris back.

And as an important note, the story so far has been very clear to explain to us that we're looking for "the real Osiris." This is what this whole season is based on. We want real Osiris back. This alone disproves the theory of possession, but it also highlights that this season is about saving someone we've lost. Ending the season that's based on trying to find Osiris by telling us "oh he's dead" seems to be very much narratively senseless.

Speaking of narratively senseless, Osiris' death would not make sense yet. His arc isn't over. His questions and plotlines aren't over (and he has raised many of them in Immolant, which hasn't been followed up on because he got kidnapped). And speaking of Immolant, there is the following, from Sagira:

"Shut up! Listen to my words!" Her iris is bright with Light. "There are great things still left for you; don't lose hope in the darkness." She is luminant.

Osiris breathes the word, as if he could hold it back: "No." He would understand in time. She had seen it.

This seems like a pretty strong implication that his story is far from over. It would be quite a bummer if this was completely ignored and we're delivered Osiris' dead body at some point during this season.

Of course, I'm not discouting the possibility that Osiris will never be the same after this. It's likely that there will be lasting consequences if he's alive.

I am also not discounting the possibility that Osiris may as well be dead. I want to make that clear. It's possible. But I did my best to make a somewhat coherent analysis of why that is probably not the case and why Myelin's position in particular is flawed. And as I said at the start, I definitely am biased in a way that makes me hope that Osiris is not dead. I fully understand that and would not be opposed to people pointing out flaws in my argument if there are any. I am, genuinely, trying to be as objective as possible with this though, but as always, I could end up being wrong in the end.

And that is my TED talk.

[little-red-toyota]

Final good bye to the fandom

TW//Trauma, triggers, nsfw, sexual themes, rape, domestic abuse e.g.

This is gonna be a long ass post…

It has taken me a while to get emotionally strong enough to do this, as I will have to think back at some traumatic events from my past to address some of these things. That's why I waited until I got home from vacation with my family, as it will seriously affect my mood and mental health, and I want to be near my doctor and therapist, just in case.

And also, I know that the majority of those reading this will invalidate me and tell me I am making things up to clear my name. So, I literally have to torment myself to write a blog post people will just brush off as bogus anyway. But I will do it now that I am in safe surroundings. Then it will be off my chest, and I can finally move on. If people will continue stirring up the past, it will be their problem, not mine.

I think I should write one last blog post where I address everything. I have left the TTTE-fandom, but I will write that one as my final goodbye to the fandom. I just have to find out everything I've been accused of so I can properly address them all in order. I might leave out details of my life that is too hard for me to open up about. I know most of you will just invalidate me anyway.

1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

2. My mafia-AU.

3. The Darin incident.

4. Being a pedophile. (Where do they get this from anyway??)

5. Running the NSFW-blog.

6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

Is there more?

Ah... yes! Faking my own suicide, of course!

7. "Faking" being suicidal.

8. Having the audacity to survive and go on living.

9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

Anything else that needs to be addressed? What else am I being accused of? Send me a dm and I will add it to the post.

 Okay, I will bump the Stepney fic down a bit as it is the most traumatic thing for me to address, I will save that one for last.

2 and 3. The dark au/mafia au where I gave some TTTE characters some rather dark and unpleasant character traits, and the whole incident with Darin and the pedo-Salty was addressed in this blog post written by my husband last year, so I am not opening that can of worms again: https://little-red-toyota.tumblr.com/post/623743183795470336/in-light-of-recent-events

Even the thing about Toby cheating on Henrietta is addressed there.

As for the au, I never fully explored it as I started losing interest in TTTE around the same time. I found other things to enjoy and TTTE faded into the background and the au was dropped before I even wrote any stories, apart from the one about Toby and Henrietta.

Some people claim, like this lovely individual, that most of the characters were rapists and pedos. No, not most. Only one of each. And I did not write more than one story about rape and suicide. Where does this person even get that from? Someone who told someone who had heard from someone who might have heard….?

Don't spread rumors unless you are sure that they are true.

Anyway, it's all addressed in that blog post in that link. I don't see how this mafia au is any worse than other dark post-apocalyptic or violent aus. It mostly was about the diesel mafia and their illegal businesses, not about sex, even if it did occur now and then. I find the substance abuse in it to be more problematic tbh…  

 4. Being a pedophile.

I don't even know how to defend myself against this one, as I don't even know why people think I am pedophile. They only throw the accusation out with no backing evidence, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it is that makes people think I am one.

Apart from one claim that I had faved "porn" alongside "strangers'" baby photos on DA. I addressed that earlier though. As DeviantArt doesn't sort what you click "like" on, it all ends up in the same folder unless you actively go through it and sort it into categories, which I don't bother most of the time. It also doesn't say WHEN it was added to your faves. So, I can have faved an artistic nude on Saturday, and then faved my friend's family photo on Thursday. It's not like I actively search for porn, get all steamed up and then look at pictures of children. WTF.

The few children I have faved are not from complete strangers, but long-term friends of mine. Yes, it is possible to have friends on the same website. I have actually met a lot of my RL friends through DeviantArt. I posted photos of my daughter when she was a baby, they would fave it and congratulate me. So, I did the same when they had a baby. As simple as that. Nothing weird or perverted about it. Due to people doxxing me last year however, I deleted the photos of me, my husband and my daughter from DeviantArt, so it's no longer there.

Porn isn't allowed on DeviantArt anyway. The nudes there are so-called artistic nudes, and for the most part I use them as pose-references when I draw as it is easier to draw a pose using a nude base and then dress them up once you got the pose right.

"The very naked" centaurs I have faved. Well, I like the mythological creature Centaur. And as far as I know… they do not wear clothes, so how are they NOT nude? Look it up, it's a horse body with a human torso instead of horse head. I don't see them as sexual, but what do I know? Maybe YOU do?

I have no sexual interest in children whatsoever.

 5. Running the NSFW-blog on Tumblr and Twitter.

Yes. I was one of six people modding that blog. ONE of six, so I refuse to take the full blame here.

MerciResolution has openly admitted to being the founder, and she recruited me and some others to modify as the confession load became too heavy for one person to handle alone.

The original blog on Tumblr worked as follows: People would anonymously send a confession to our askbox, we would add a picture (sometimes photoshopped) to the text and post it on the blog. Always tagged as NSFW and with proper trigger warnings if necessary! The blog itself was also marked as explicit, so it didn't appear in searches and such.

For us, this blog was nothing but a joke. We did it for shits and giggles. If anyone took it seriously and thought we got off to the stuff that was posted, we apologize for that, but to us it was just for laughs. And we DID laugh a lot, you guys should have seen the weird shit people sent us sometimes!

We had fun and we never thought anyone would take it seriously, so we never thought of writing "joke" in the description or anything. It never occurred to us that it could be anything but a joke.

We also made a Twitter account for it, also locked for minors. But it was quickly hacked, and someone changed the password so we could no longer access it. We made another account and forgot about the old one…

After a while, the original mods started losing interest and the blog (both on Tumblr and Twitter) became less active. That's when a person I had known for years, and wrongfully trusted, came forward and wanted to take over ownership. So, the ownership was handed over to Russalita/Charlie.

That turned out to be huge mistake!

Me and the other mods had more or less forgotten that the blogs existed, when suddenly someone started bashing me and getting up in my arms over it. I got seriously confused as I hadn't been active on it in almost a year. But as it turned out, Russalita had removed the mature filters and made the accounts open for all the see. Even minors.

And as people knew I was one of the mods, they fired their guns at me. I can see why though, so I'm not pointing any fingers here.

I tried contacting her by phone, asking her to lock the accounts again, but she gave me a less than polite response, hung up and then blocked my number…

So, I decided to try to shut the blogs down on my own, trying the old passwords. It worked on the Tumblr-account, and I managed to password protect it, for some reason it couldn't be fully deleted. But the Twitter account had gotten its password changed by Russalita. I was however able to get a new password by logging into the e-mail we had used to create it. I deleted the Twitter blog fully. It can't be re-activated even if we wanted to. It's gone.

But it turns out the old, hacked one is still up and now open for everyone. And this one poses a huge problem as we have no way of getting into it to delete it. Only thing we have been able to do so far is reporting it and hope it will be removed by Twitter. So I only have one thing to say about it: report it.

I am no longer running any NSFW TTTE blog anywhere, nor do I have interest in doing so. So, if you come across one, claiming to be me or any of the other mods, it is false.

 6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

People seem to believe I have drawn genitals on trains. I have never done such. Any art on the NSFW-blog with genitalia on the trains were sent in by confessors and was not drawn by me. Most of them seems to have been drawn by someone who goes by the name "The Lance".

I HAVE drawn things for the NSFW blog, but there were no genitalia in those drawings. I drew Frank of Arlesdale looking grossed out by (I don't know what the part is named in English, but it is connected to the brakes of the engine) that stick-like thing on his bufferbeam being wet from whatever the confessor did to him. I drew an over-exaggerated comical pic of a horrified Peter Sam getting his face licked by his driver, who had an enormous tongue. I also did a couple of manips. Mostly maniping engine faces on humans, like the one where Gordon's face is on a less than fit guy flailing his shirt around, and the Arlesdale smallies' faces on a movie poster from Magic Mike. One with Mr.Conductor in a giant bun while Pinchy is applying ketchup on him, for a confession about eating him, I think?  I've done some more, but I forgot what it was, I only know I loved making them comical rather than erotic, as I saw the blog as a joke overall.

I HAVE also drawn aheago faces on engines because it looks hilarious. Though I have only drawn them on my OCs and the NRS engines, not TTTE characters.

Point is I have never drawn genitalia on trains. Ever. And I likely never will. It's not THAT much fun drawing NSFW stuff.

I see from this screenshot that a certain MK-Instrumentalist claim that all my personal art is age-regression art and infantilism…

Whose art have you been looking at? Because it's definitely not mine. I have drawn a couple of baby/chibi diesels… But claiming that all of my 700 or so artworks are depicting infantilism and age-regression stuff? I suggest people go have a look for themselves. I haven't drawn that. That MK-guy has been desperately trying to cancel me for ages for reasons only himself know. I don't even know the guy, and he doesn't know me, yet he wants to see me beheaded. Go figure.

I was for a long time bothered by some age-regressor on Tumblr who just wouldn't leave me alone with their weird asks, who tried to force themselves on me and some other artists here. They claim age-regression isn't a fetish, but the shit they sent to my askbox certainly looked like a fetish to me.

I don't want anything to do with that stuff. It weirds me out.

And no. I have never drawn pedophilia or rape art either. This guy can't even make up his mind on which one to accuse me of.

 7 and 8. Faking suicide and having the audacity to survive and go on living.

As many know, after the intense shitstorm against me last summer, thanks to Darin, I attempted suicide. I didn't succeed as my husband came home early. I was gone for a few days but returned when a young boy reached out to me for help as he was being groomed and didn't know who else to turn to.

Recently I saw a screenshot where someone claimed me to have faked suicide, and that I just came back after a few days when everything had died down.

Wow.

I am truly sorry I survived.

I don't remember much from those days to be honest, but as the load became too heavy and the bullying too intense, piling up on 30 years of old trauma… I decided to end it. I must warn you guys who might get triggered now; there are detailed descriptions of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution. People told me I was a bad mother among other things, having had those same thoughts myself (according to my husband, I am a good mom) and people just confirming them, I thought that my daughter would be better off growing up without me. I could have chosen a more effective suicide method, but I was afraid my daughter would be the first to find me, so I wanted it to be clean and look like I was just sleeping. That way it could be explained as natural causes.

So, I decided to overdose on pills. I downed all pills I could find in the house that had a warning triangle on it (strong pain meds etc.) and then went to my computer to delete my online existence, especially the personal data.

As a former paramedic, I should have known better. Because after half an hour, my body started reacting. But not the way I had hoped and wanted. I started retching and almost vomiting. That's when my husband came home from work and found me. He immediately saw the empty packages and knowing my past suicidal tendencies, he reacted instinctively. He put his fingers down my throat and had me puke everything up, then he called an ambulance and had me admitted to the hospital.

I don't remember anything from the days I spent there. But I have been told they emptied my stomach and gave me lots of fluids. I was then assigned a psychiatrist which I am still seeing today.

I was gone for those days because I was in hospital, not because I was pulling some kind of trick and pretending to have ended myself.

So… I am sorry I "faked" my suicide.

I'm sorry my husband saved me. I am sorry the medics and doctors succeeded in saving my life.

I am sorry I survived and proceeded to live on. If I ever make another attempt, I promise to do better.

Why are you guys so persistent in trying to push people to suicide anyway? Do you get a kick out of it? Why do people have to be pushed to that point before you care?

What did we tell our daughter? Simply that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. She took that well.

I've seen a lot of people wonder why I am still around. Why shouldn't I? Does my daughter deserve to lose her mother over some online crap she doesn't even know about? I owe her to live and watch her grow up, to help her with her homework and whatever else a parent needs to do. I also owe my husband to stay by his side, like I promised him the day we got married. Even if I do not wish to live.

I'm sorry I survived, guys. Really, I am.

 9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it. And 1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

 First… why would anyone make up trauma? It's not like it's a competition to have the worst life, is it?

Sadly, I don't have to make up anything. My life HAS been rocky up until the birth of my daughter. I have been through so much trauma I couldn't even fathom it myself before my therapist listed it all up to me. Until then, I had just been casually talking to her about it, like I would talk about the weather. I didn't cry or get in touch with my emotions even once while telling everything, because I was taught from an early age to never complain, to suck it up and go on. So, no matter what people did to me, I would just smile and go on, even if it killed me inside. I did not want to show any sign of weakness, because then they would attack me. A habit I developed through years of being bullied in school. Never show feelings, just pretend nothing could hurt you, then they would eventually grow tired of it and stop.

Except they never did. They kept going through all my years at school. To such an extent, my boyfriend didn't dare to show himself hanging out with me out of fear of being bullied himself… And as we grew older, he would start cheating on me too. And I kept smiling…

My next boyfriend was a bit older than me, and while that didn't bother me, as we were both well over legal age, it bothered him. We only lasted one year before he bailed out and ditched me out of the blue via an sms.

The next guy… was the one who scarred me for life. Both physically and mentally. A charmer at first of course, until I was trapped. He was unemployed, so he moved in with me, and I paid for everything from food to phone bills. All while he was dating several women behind my back, calling various pay-phone services and in general acted like a manwhore. As I worked as an electrician (also being subject to massive bullying and sexual harassment at work), he would be jealous of all my co-workers and if I ever came home late or worked overtime, he accused me of cheating and was extremely violent about it. He would also isolate me from my friends and family, making me think I couldn't get any other than him. If any of my male friends (almost all my friends are male…) came over, he would give me such hell afterwards, it was easier just to tell them it was a bad time to visit. And after a while, they stopped asking. This guy also demanded sex. Every single day. If I refused, he would punish me, mostly by flogging me with lampcords, belts or whatever else he had at hand. My back is a criss cross map of old, faded scars even now nearly 20 years later. I would have shown you a photo, but I am so self-concious about my body after all the bullying, I hardly even show my face in photos. Maybe one day… but I certainly need more therapy before being able to show naked skin to strangers, even if it's just my back. So I had non-consensual sex with him more often than consensual. It has taken me hours in therapy to even take the word in my mouth and call it by its proper name: rape. I was raped, almost every single day for little over a year, before I found the strength to break out of the relationship and finally throw him out of my house. It all ended when I found some revealing texts on his cellphone, which he was extremely protective of… Texts that revealed that he had engaged in a relationship with a 12 year old girl, and it had been going on for a while. Not only was he cheating on me, but he was a pedophile too. Needless to say, I didn't even let him pack his stuff before I fetched my shotgun and chased him out of the house. I don't know where I got the courage and strength from… but I was furious.

I thought I had gotten rid of him, but no. He started stalking me in public. Hiding behind shelves when I was shopping, his car following mine everywhere I went. I received weird letters in the mail with cut-out letters from newspapers, glued together. On top of all, his creepy, old uncle called me with some rather disgusting suggestions and tried to come on to me really hard. I had to change my phone number, and after coming home to my house and finding out someone had entered my home using a key, only to empty the drawer of my night table, I also had to change the locks of my doors as he had clearly copied the key.

He didn't stop until I got the police involved.

So, when I finally met the guy who would become my husband (or rather, we found out we were made for each other, we had known each other since we were 11 years old), I had major trust issues towards men especially and it took him endless patience and love to break me out of that shell.

But the trauma doesn't stop… or start there.

In the year 2000, on January 4th, I would experience something that made me unable to even look at a train for over 10 years. The Åsta accident (google it). I was a volunteer in the Norwegian Red Cross then, and a paramedic in training. Back then, you were allowed to start training the year you would turn 16. So, I was still 15 when I witnessed the most traumatic event of my life. The day started out calm, we were stocking up the ambulance after delivering a patient to the hospital when we got a call with the code "500", which means "catastrophe". Normally when we get that code it is a rehearsal… so we drove towards the coordinates with the thoughts that this was just an exercise, nothing real… we didn't prepare ourselves mentally… And we ended up in the closest thing to hell I have ever been… The sight of the burning trains, the smells, the sounds, the screaming… I still wake up by nightmares to this day. Though the moment that haunts me the most is when the screaming stopped… because we all knew why… I don't want to go into details, but 19 people died that day. But we also saved 67 people. I try to hold on to that thought. The age limit for starting paramedic training was raised after this, as I wasn't the only one who was too young for an accident of that scale. Today it is 18. A memorial stone has been placed on the site, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to visit it, even if we drive past the site every year on our way to visit family further north in the country. I needed hours of therapy to even be able to ride a train after this. To have gotten to the point where I now volunteer at a heritage railway and is in training to become a driver, is a HUGE step for me. My next goal is to visit the site of the accident.

On to next trauma… A previous employer, a rather large electric company in Norway, whom I worked for 8 years. The first five years were great, we were a close-knit bunch of electricians, and we had a great relationship with the bosses and higher-ups. Our labor union was strong.

It all started changing in 2009 when we got new leaders… and those decided to get rid of everyone who were a member of the union. One by one, they started harassing workers in various ways, trying to get them to quit. In Norway, they need a legal reason to fire you, it's not enough to not like someone. There has to be a good reason to fire someone e.g. theft, neglecting work… Since they didn't have any reasons to fire us, they started making our work lives gradually harder and harder until we would break and find another job. Sadly, one of my co-workers couldn't stand the pressure… He bid us all farewell as normal one Friday and hung himself the following day.. But as I was a girl in a male-dominated profession, I had been taught at an early stage to ignore anything that would hurt me emotionally, just arch my neck and plow through. I kept doing that, despite starting to feel more and more mental and physical pains… even my co-workers pointed out how I was being mistreated before I acknowledged it myself. I tried to tell my boss, but he reacted by treating me worse. So, I went to his boss… and that's when things went to hell. Instead of doing his job and listen, he started harassing me too. He deemed my over-weight a problem, and he started demanding I gave him detailed lists of what I ate and how much I worked out… Completely illegal of course, but by this point I was broken down to the point I thought I was useless and couldn't get another job… so I accepted. He started accusing me of lying about my exercise, so I started training at the gym in the basement at work instead. One day, while I was there, he locked the doors and turned the lights off. There were no windows, no cellphone reception and hardly anyone walking by in that part of the building… I sat there in the pitch dark for 3 hours before I was let back out. I still get badly triggered by narrow, dark rooms and rooms with no windows. To such an extent, I jumped out of a small window on the second floor of a gym when I was in boot camp. I was allowed to train downstairs in the bigger gym with windows on all walls after that incident…

The harassment at work went on for years until I finally snapped, ended up at the hospital and got into therapy for the first time. I don't want to go into depth about what more happened, I just can't… I can't bring myself to write it all. Luckily, I had gotten more education while working, so when I graduated, another company called and gave me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So, I quit my job and never looked back, even if the traumas I suffered there still haunts me to this day.

Sadly, even after switching jobs, now getting a safe job with sane leaders… I started to relax, and that's when all my past trauma came washing over me. And one day, on while driving to work, I had my first serious panic attack. It started as this feeling I used to have at the old company; getting sick to my stomach and having the sense of someone being out to get me… then it developed to breathing problems… and I had to pull the car over. I broke into tears, struggling to breathe, stumbling out of the car to read the logo on its side just to reassure my body and brain that I worked for a different company now and there was no reason for panic. I called my boss and let him know, because he also was a "refugee" from that other company, so he knew what me and several others had gone through. He managed to talk me down enough for me to come to the office to talk to him. That helped.

I got back into therapy. A better therapist this time. But sadly, it got apparent that I could no longer work as an electrician as there was too many triggers. I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and social anxiety. I'm still working on these and get better slowly.

I have been in therapy for a long time now, and it was my therapist that suggested I wrote fics to cope and "write it out". I tried to make up my own characters for this, but never felt any connection. I was by this time in the TTTE fandom and had met people with similar trauma and pasts like myself, and I started roleplaying with some of them. Me and a girl from UK then agreed to try to rp/co-write a fic to cope with our trauma. We both found it easier to write about pre-established characters we had a connection to, even if it was an au that made it barely recognizable from the original source material. Only the names and some minor things were similar.

That fic was Stepney's Virginity Gets Lost.

Do we regret writing it? No. It helped us write out our traumas and helped us overcome some mental obstacles in out therapy process. Our therapists cheering us on, because we finally managed to break through the hard shell surrounding us. We both cried for the first time in years while writing it, some of it through roleplay, because some parts were extremely graphic and brutal and very mentally exhausting. We had to take long breaks between each writing session, so the fic wasn't written in just a weekend. But we got a lot of darkness out of our minds by writing all this. And we were definitely NOT aroused by it, like this pervert here claims.

It's when you dare to touch and feel the difficult and dark emotions, you can finally move along in the grieving process.

Should it have been posted online?

In retrospect, no. But at the time, we thought it might help other trauma victims, as we also found reading about other people's experiences and fictions touching painful subjects helpful to ourselves. So, we posted it, never expecting it to cause such a controversy 3 years later. In fact, we had more or less forgotten about it until it came back to bit us in the ass. Or rather, bite ME in the ass, as I am getting the full blame alone.

Also, despite what people claim, it was not posted openly for children to read. It was tagged properly and hidden behind mature content walls. If a minor chooses to break that wall, that's not the author's fault. It's the same as watching a movie with an age restriction way above your age, not the filmmaker's fault.

I think MerciResolution puts it nicely here:

"If your problem lies with you KNOWINGLY entering adult spaces when you’re a minor, ignoring all mature warnings that are literally SCREAMING at you “hey, this is what you’re getting into. Are you sure you want to proceed?”

That’s ENTIRELY on you. YOU are the fucking problem.

We’re marking mature things as best as we properly can. If you decide to ignore them, that’s your own damn fault. We’re not your fucking babysitters."

Also, I never posted the story on Wattpad, so if anyone has done that, it's not me. I posted the story on Fanfiction.net, DeviantArt and AO3, that's all. If it's posted anywhere else, it's not done by me.

I had honestly moved on from it when people pulled me back into it.

Other people who have done questionable shit in that fandom are easily forgiven because "they have moved on" or "changed". Yet, nobody believes I can move on or change…?

I had moved on; my interests had changed. But people won't let me, so here I am… Having to defend some crap I did years ago. A fic I no longer have any interest in.

I'm not even interested in TTTE anymore. I have moved on with my own book project now and I would like to focus on that.

So, deleting my TTTE content, whether it was the SFW or NSFW stuff, didn't cost me a penny. It actually felt like a relief. The only downside with it is that people now can't read it and make up their own opinion about it, but will solely believe in what others say, and those things are often seriously bent out of shape and blown out of proportions to such an extent it's barely recognizable.

If people claim that Arry and Bert rape Stepney in the fic, they have never seen it or read it. That's not what happens. That's just an assumption made by looking at the title and knowing there is a rape/torture scene in it. But I'm not gonna tell who the victim is or who performed it, because this is the only way I am able to tell who has actually read the fic or not, who is just trying to spread bullshit and who is actually telling the truth. The person in that screenshot, has no idea what he's talking about.

Does SVGL romanticize rape and abuse?

No, not in the least. It's described as the horrible, heinous acts it is and is in no way meant to be cute or romantic and definitely NOT something anyone should get off to. If anyone finds it sexy, that's their problem, not the authors'. If anything, SVGL might romanticize suicide, because one of the characters isn't able to cope with his trauma and chooses to end their life. Which is something I considered doing myself when I was in the darkest pit of depression. So, I apologize for maybe romanticizing suicide. The following chapters describe how friends and family handle the loss and grief.

It also describes a toxic relationship, where one of the parts struggles to get out of it. They eventually manage to break free, but it is not easy. This can easily be translated to my previously mentioned relationship, as it was my way of writing out my experience about how hard it is to break out of a relation when your partner has broken you down to the point where you no longer believe in yourself and your self-worth.

The last chapters start to gradually become brighter, as both our lives started getting better too. But we never really wrote the end because we both lost interest in writing TTTE content by that time and just left it hanging.

I'm not the only one who has written NSFW TTTE fanfics out there. But it seems like violence and murder is more acceptable than sexual things? I do wonder how brutally mutilating children's show characters are more tolerable than sexually abusing them. Neither should be okay.

Some content creators hide behind "it was a joke". I have been told that such topics that SVGL touches upon shouldn't be joked about… so I didn't do that, and yet it was wrong? So how should such topics be treated? Be hidden like it's a shame, like in the old days when rape victims were told to suck things up and keep it to themselves? When those subject to abuse didn't dare to speak up because people would judge them?

I think it is important to talk about these subjects and why they are so problematic. Victims shouldn't have to hide their trauma; they should be allowed to talk openly about it without fearing judgement.

Some of you claim that writing isn't a good way to cope… You're trying to dictate how trauma victims deal with their trauma, and that's a dangerous path to walk down. Nobody handles trauma the same way. You might have your thoughts on how you would react, but you'll never know until trauma hits you… and you might not react the way you had expected or planned. Trauma messes with your head and you won't be able to think clearly. It makes you do thinks you normally wouldn't have done and can make you act out of character. So, do not judge people without having been in the same situation yourself. Ever.

Someone wrote that I have "more problems that just a rape".

Read that again.

Just a rape.

This person does not know how damaging a rape can be. And if you made it this far in this post, you know I didn't only go through one, but several. Not just by my ex, but also being ambushed while I was walking home from a party, and later; a co-worker forcing himself onto me at a building site. I can't go into depth about them all, I just can't.

Just a rape…

"Just" the feeling of not being in control of your own body and your own decisions. "Just" being robbed off your dignity and self-worth. "Just" having someone intrude into your private zone, tear your clothes off and claim your body against your will. "Just" feeling how your life force leave you as you realize that fighting against it won't help you, and you silently give up and just lay down waiting for it all to be over. "Just" spending hours in the shower, scrubbing your skin until you bleed because you can't wash the filth away and you keep feeling dirty no matter how much you clean yourself. "Just" waking up at night, after having relived the scene again in a nightmare. "Just" looking over your shoulder wherever you walk because you heard something or thought you saw something or simply because someone is walking behind you. "Just" the fact that you'll never feel comfortable walking alone at night again or have someone walk behind you. "Just" never being able to relax because your body constantly think you're in grave danger. "Just" a rape…

That's such a neck-beard thing to say. Someone who clearly think of other people's bodies as property or things. Not taking into consideration that we are living, breathing individuals with feelings. And that having another person violate us isn't something we like or that we'll easily get over. We want to choose who we give ourselves to, nobody should be forced. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't want it. We didn't like it.

Rape is trauma.

Yes, we should have chosen other characters for the story, but we did what we did, and it cannot be undone now. So, if the only thing I will be remembered for in the fandom is that ONE fic, instead of all my other content, that's what it will be. That's what people chose to. I'm moving on.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

*sigh*

This is something that could only happen in America, isn't it?

Some people don't bother educating themselves. The "nazi-letters" you guys are talking about is actually part of the Norwegian alphabet and has nothing to do with Nazism or white-supremacy to do at all. The Norwegian alphabet has 29 letters, the three extra is æ,ø,å or in capital letters: Æ,Ø,Å.

We can't help it if some morons over in the US abuse these letters as symbol of their twisted mindset.

Yes, my name contains one of those letters. It is my name… and I didn't choose it. It is a common Norwegian name.

As for me being a Nazi?

Those who knows me knows that I am as far from a Nazi as one can get. I despise Nazism with all my heart.

But the reason some people choose to believe so… was that some guy who has no hobbies or life went through every single fave I've made on DeviantArt since I joined the site in 2006, which is well over 20000 faves. And he found a few Nazi-characters from a web series I was following about ten years ago. I am very interested in history and especially WW2-history, so I found that particular web-series interesting and faved some artwork related to it. What this guy failed to notice is that I also faved the Allied characters… That's ALL there is to that story.

I has also faved a pic someone made of Joseph Goebbels (I think it was?) as a Pixar Car. That's not because I have any nazi-sympathies, but I simply found the concept of turning historical persons, both good and bad, into Cars as an interesting project. I would have faved any other historical Carsified person as well.

As for me being a Norwegian and have a natural pale complexion, that's not something I can help. That's nothing I choose. And it doesn't make me racist or Nazi. Period.

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

Again. Get educated.

This flag… is the actual flag of my country. The Kingdom of Norway.

There is nothing Nazi about it. It is not a symbol of white-supremacy. IT IS THE FLAG OF NORWAY.

During WW2 it was even illegal, so people would paint it everywhere in a protest against the Nazi-occpation and the SS. We even decorated our Christmas trees with it, and that is a tradition that has followed us into the modern day.

Again, if some idiots in the US choose to use it as a symbol for their disgusting logic, it is not Norway or the Norwegians' fault.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

I need people to elaborate here.

What exactly do you think I do to my daughter? What is the cause of your concern here?

The fact that I have made NSFW content? How is that harmful to her as long as I keep it away from her? You DO realize that even authors, pornstars and moviemakers have children and that they can be good parents, right?

Do you think I read pornographic content for her as bedtime stories? Or show her porn instead of kids TV? How sick are you guys, really…?

Some people even wanted CPS to take my child away from me… Have a look at these screenshots…

You want a happy, healthy, innocent child to be taken away from a stable, safe home with loving parents just because you don't like the content the mother made? You want her to be placed in foster care, where there is no guarantee that she will have a happy upbringing rather than have her stay with her parents who love her and care for her, for reasons she'll never understand and wasn't even aware of?

"Think of the children!" a lot of you say when it comes to my content. May I ask why this doesn't apply to my daughter?

Why do some of you go as far as to wishing her dead or wanting her to be removed from the home she feels safe and loved in? How is that thinking of the children?

As for the douchebag in that screenshot. You claim that if your mother did something like that you would want nothing to do with her… I have a question: Do you know EVERYTHING your mother do? Does she include you in each aspect of her life? Even her sexual life? No?

How do you know she doesn't do thing you don't approve of when you're not around? She could be a rabid pornmag reader for all you know. But stuff like that is something adults hide from their kids. So, you wouldn't know, unless you go snooping around in her business.

Everyone is entitled to privacy. What I and my husband do when our kid is not around is our business, not hers, and certainly not yours.

Porn and parenting are to be kept separate from each other. Period.

And we do.

There is absolutely no reason to be worried about my daughter. She is a happy, healthy child in a safe, stable home with family that loves her and cares for her. Not just me and my husband, but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

If you want to remove her from that over a stupid fanfic behind a mature content wall, you're the deranged person, not me.

 This is all I have to say about all this and my time in the TTTE fandom. I have left by my own, free will. Yes, I am aware that many people don't want me there. That's fine. I don't want to be there.

I am a bit disappointed in those people who just blindly unfollowed me and unfriended me without any questions asked, just followed the leader. Big users tend to dictate who and what is worth following in that fandom. They will even protect real predators, but I'm not going to open that can of worms now. I'm done with the fandom.

Some of those people, I have been talking to regularly, even supported when they faced hardships in the fandom themselves. But when I got in trouble, they ditched me without a word…

If anything, this whole ordeal showed me who to trust and not, and who were true to their word when it came to how deep our friendship was. True friends at least give you the chance to explain before they drop you. I hold no ill feelings to those who did, at least they asked me before judging.

And those who still stayed with me, are the ones who truly know me and who I really am.

Some of the worst libels posted about me might be reported to the police, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I am not mentally strong at the moment, so I don't know if I have the strength to legally follow it all up. I will ask the cops at work for advice on the matter.

All I ask for now is some peace.

You don't have to like me. You don't have to follow me. You don't have to like my content. Feel free to invalidate me, I know a lot of you will.

But please, stop bullying me and my family.

Please stop sending me horrid messages and death threats.

Please stop doxxing me and calling me.

Please leave my family alone. If you don't care about me, at least care about them.

Please just ignore me. I have already left the fandom, there is no reason to keep hunting me.

I just want to move on and go on with my life and the content I am currently working on. After years in therapy, my life has gotten better, and I want to move on.

Please let me.

[graysonfirewolf85-blog]

Queer Positive Deities

Keep in mind that this is NOT a complete list of ALL pantheons and deities that are queer positive. This is a good majority, but by all means it is NOT all of them. Also not all photos would fit.

DISCLAIMER

This wiki will contain sexual terms and other mature items that each deity represented or did in their specific pantheon. If any of it bothers you, please exit the wiki and move on from it. Thank you.

Achilles (Greek)

The Greek hero Achilles was invulnerable excepting his famous weak heel, but a male shieldbearer broke through the warrior’s romantic defenses. While Homer never explicitly states a gay relationship between Achilles and sidekick Patroclus, many scholars read a romantic connection between the two, as only Patroclus ever drew out a compassionate side to the famously arrogant warrior. Patroclus’s death at the hands of Trojan Prince Hector sent Achilles into a rage in which he killed Hector and dragged his body around Troy. Other myths also disclose Achilles was struck by the beauty of Troilus, a Trojan prince.

Adonis/Tammuz (Phoenician/Greco-Roman/Mesopotamian)

The name “Adonis” now refers to a strikingly beautiful male, but the original Adonis is a cross-cultural deity, showing up in Phoenician and Greco-Roman mythology. Adonis is often equated with the Mesopotamian Tammuz, with whom he shares many attributes and stories. Most noted for his relationships with goddesses, including Astarte, Aphrodite, and Persephone, Adonis was also the beloved of the god Dionysus. Adonis and Tammuz are fertility gods, representing the vegetation of the land, in a constant state of life, death, and resurrection. Adonis died from a boar’s attack, which mutilated his genitals. In the much-celebrated descent-of-the-goddess stories known in many cultures, the Goddess travels into the many layers of the underworld to retrieve the spirit of her consort. Adonis is seen not as a king, but as a lover, somewhat effeminate or homoerotic. His priests in Athens were homoerotically inclined, and, along with priestesses, they celebrated his life and death by planting gardens of Adonis, and then uprooted them only a few days after sprouting. In the Greek magical papyri, Adonis is invoked for lesbian love spells.

Antinous (Greco-Roman-Kemetic)

This resurrection figure holds ties to ancient Egyptian, Greek, and Roman cultures. Antinous was a real historical figure and the male companion of the Roman emperor Hadrian. The pair would take journeys around the Mediterranean. And on one trip, Antinous drowned in the Nile on the same day that Egyptians commemorated the watery death of Osiris. Deeply affected by the death of his lover, Hadrian encouraged the deification of Antinous, and cults sprung up around the Mediterranean honoring him. In some tellings, Antinous rose from the Nile after his death and was then revered as a form of Osiris reborn. Indeed, the god and the Roman cult that followed him still have devotees today.

Apollo and Hyacinth (Greek)

Apollo was initially the Greek god of light and later was associated with the Sun. His twin sister is Artemis. As the god of music, dance, divination, healing, and artistic inspiration, he can grant these gifts to others. Apollo is known for taking many male lovers, most notably, Hyacinthus, or Hyacinth, a mortal youth. When he was tossing the discus with Apollo, it struck Hyacinth with a mortal blow. The western wind god Zephyrus, who desired Hyacinth and was angry and jealous of Apollo, caused the accident with his winds. The Sun god could not save his beloved, but from his wound Apollo created the Hyacinth flowers, a symbol of youth cut too short. Hyacinth later became a divine patron to those pursuing same-sex love.

Aphrodite/Venus (Greco-Roman)

Aphrodite embodies the powers of love on every level, especially romantic love. Known as Venus to the Romans, and associated with the morning and evening star, the planet Venus, she was renowned for her gifts of attraction and beauty. She originated—along with the Furies—from Uranus, the sky god, springing forth from the foamy sea where Uranus’s genitalia had fallen after being castrated by his son Chronos. She is usually displayed as a beautiful woman rising out of the sea, as in Botticellis painting, “The Birth of Venus.” As she walks on land, she trails flowers behind her, even in the most barren of deserts. Her aid Eros is the original archetype for the Valentine’s Day cupid, shooting his arrows and making people fall in love. She had many lovers, most notably Ares the war god and her husband, Hephaestus. She bore Hermaphrodite from her union with Hermes.

Artemis/Diana (Greco-Roman)

Artemis is the huntress, the goddess of wild things, the protector of women and children, and the maiden aspect of the Moon. From her bow, she fires silver arrows, the shafts of moonlight to illuminate her path. In many versions of her myths, she is the archetype of the strong, independent woman, goddess of Amazons and unsympathetic to those of traditional masculinity. After her birth, she immediately got up and helped her mother deliver her twin brother, Apollo. Artemis rejects many traditional roles, such as marriage and conventional society, and feels kinship to those beyond traditional roles. Her festivals included same-sex eroticism involving both females and males. As the Romans’ Diana, she took on a more maternal, universal goddess archetype, and became the mother of Aradia, her avatar in 14th-century Italy, who taught the Goddess’s craft.

Astarte (Phoenician/Canaanite)

Astarte is a manifestation of the Great Mother Goddess of the Paleolithic cultures, identified with the earlier goddesses Ishtar and Inanna, and later the Greco-Roman Aphrodite/Venus. Versions of Astarte were worshiped throughout the Middle East, Egypt, and even across Europe, with the spread of the Roman Empire. She is a Queen of Heaven, and patron of love and war. She, too, is involved in the resurrection and fertility myths of Adonis, also known as Adoni, or lord. Though usually remembered in feminine form, like other goddesses, she does have mixed gender incarnations, sometimes depicted as a hermaphrodite, and later the Phoenician records mention King Astarte. Astarte’s temples were served by the kelabim and possibly a gender-variant order of Amazonian women.

Athena/Minerva (Greco-Roman)

Springing fully formed from the head of Zeus, without aid of a goddess, Athena is presented as the wise warrior woman of the Olympians. She has the ability to transform into a young man. Her affairs often end on a tragic note, and most modern myths present her as celibate, though such descriptions were probably added by the patriarchal rise, to demonstrate a strong warrior woman could not have love. In one such myth, her “brother” Hephaestus makes her armor, for “her love.” He means physical love, while she assumes platonic love. I find it hard to believe such a goddess of wisdom and strategy would misunderstand such an offer. Most likely, our modern Athena is a sanitized version of the ancient Minoan snake goddess. Her darker half was shed and cast off as the gorgon Medusa. Modern Athena carries a shield with Medusa’s face on it. Athena is the goddess of strategy, weaving, and invention, who is credited with teaching humans how to graft olive branches onto trees, yielding more harvest. The city of Athens is named after her. She is often called Pallas Athena, in honor of her friend (or possible lover) who died as a youth in a spear throwing accident. Minerva is her Roman name.

Atum (Kemetic)

In the creation story for the Egyptian gods, the first deity, Atum, was both male and female, according to studies by researcher Mark Burstman. The ancestor to all self-produced two offspring, Shu and Tefnut, through either a sneeze or his own semen, and it wasn’t for a few generations that the archetypal male and female gods of Isis and Osiris were born.

Baphomet (Europe)

Baphomet is not a traditional pagan god, but one most noted for its link to the Knights Templar. Pictured as a hermaphrodite, with breasts and a penis, Baphomet was also a mix between human and goat, a perfect mix between male and female, human, and animal, although something akin to the traditional Middle Age view of the devil. Baphomet is a deity of fertility and wealth. To curb their growing power and influence, King Philip IV of France claimed the Knights Templar were worshiping Baphomet and practicing homosexuality, two acts of heresy in the eyes of the Church.

Baron Samedi (Vodoun)

The Voodoo loa (law) named Baron Samedi is a god of the dead and magick, but is also evoked for help in daily life. His place is the cemetery and his symbol, a skull. Samedi is depicted as transgendered, wearing a combination of men’s and women’s clothing of black and purple, possibly representing his walk between two worlds, the living and the dead, in the same way that his sunglasses, with only one lens, do. He sees in both worlds. The Baron is known for his sexually suggestive movements indicating a desire for anal intercourse.

Bona Dea (Roman/Italian)

Bona Dea is the “Good Goddess” about whom little is known. She is a goddess of healing, magick, prosperity, and women. In fact, her cult did not allow the participation of men, and none of her mysteries were to be shared with the outside world. Most of our information on Bona Dea comes to us from the written accounts of male scholars lacking a personal connection to her rites. Her ceremonies possibly included lesbian acts of love as a part of worship.

Bran (Welsh)

Bran the Blessed is a Celtic hero/god of the mystical otherworlds. In many Celtic myths, the line between divine and mortal, spirit and flesh, is less visible than in most other mythologies. The legends were passed on orally, and recorded only much later by Christian writers. To preserve the story, yet not blaspheme, the gods and goddesses were transformed into heroes of folktales as the stories are told and retold. Bran is a patron of magick, battle, and resurrection. His main tale is the rescue of his sister, Branwen, who in many ways seems like his feminine half. She was abused by Matholwch, her husband and king of Ireland. Bran’s army defeated Matholwch’s men and rescued her, but Bran was fatally wounded. His head was eventually severed and continued, after his death, to speak and give magical advice. Eventually it was buried in London. As an interesting note to his history, Robert Craves, the somewhat controversial author of The White Goddess, believed Bran was worshiped by an order of homosexual priests, and Amathon, a version of the Green Man, wrests Bran’s secret magical name by seducing one of Bran’s priests.

Cernunnos/Herne the Hunter (Celtic/Proto-Celtic)

Cernunnos is the fabled Horned God, a central figure in modern witchcraft. He represents the god of the waning year and animal lord, the complement to the Green Man. Usually depicted naked, sitting in a lotus position, with stag antlers and a torc (Celtic neck ring resembling a choker) around his neck and one in his hand, surrounded by the animals of the forest. Some renditions portray the Horned God with an erect penis, surrounded by men with erections as well. Very little of Cernunnos’s original mythos survives, so old are his cults. Worship of him, primarily in Caul and other Celtic territories, is believed to predate the arrival of the Celts. We don’t even know his proper name; Cernunnos is a Roman variation. He has been equated with Herne the Hunter and even the Greek Pan and Dionysus due to their similar associations with nature and shamanic trance work. Herne is a figure of British folklore, the God of the Wild Hunt, appearing at times of crisis. Cernunnos is sometimes associated with the chalk carving of the god figure at Cerne Abbas in Dorset. The figure is not horned, but associated with fertility, due to his depiction with his exaggerated phallus. Cernunnos is an aspect of the Great Father God, a force of nature, like the Goddess—loving, gentle, and receptive, but also fiercely protective and powerful.

Chin (Mayan)

Chin is described as a small child or dwarf, and is a deity of magick, divination, and the destiny of rulers. He introduced homoerotic relationships to the Mayan nobles. The nobles would obtain youths of the lower classes to be the lovers of the nobles’ sons. Such unions were considered legal marriages under Mayan law.

Chrysippus (Greek)

Euripedes wrote that this divine Peloponnesian hero was on the way to compete in the Nemean Games when his Theban tutor Laius ran off with him and raped him. The incident drew a curse upon the city of Thebes.

Damballah (Vodoun)

Damballah is the serpent god of the Voodoo loa and although Damballah is portrayed as a father figure, he has an androgynous nature and can manifest homoerotically or bisexually. Invoked for guidance, peace, and prosperous good fortune, Damballah is the god of rain and rainbows, making a modern connection to the queer rights movement.

Dionysus/Bacchus (Thracian/Greco-Roman)

Dionysus is the son of Zeus and a mortal woman named Semele. Myths paint Zeus’s immortal wife, Hera, as the villain, tricking Semele to her death while she was still pregnant. Zeus could not save her, but saved his child, and implanted the unborn child in his thigh, carrying him to term. Thus, in this myth, Dionysus is “twice born” and associated with immortality and Zeus is transgendered and associated with birth. Older myths cite Dionysus’s early death and rebirth, as well as a serpent, perhaps Persephone in disguise, as his mother. Hera plagued him after his birth, so to disguise himself, he learned the art of shape shifting into various plants and animals and dressed in women’s clothing to avoid detection. He kept company with woodland creatures, depicted as soft and feminine, yet virile and strong, Dionysus is a balance of extremes. His myths, too, contain both ends of the spectrum. As a god of ecstasy, wine, and love, he traveled the world with his teachings, before ascending to Olympus as one of the twelve main deities. Like Jesus, but predating him, Dionysus spread his message and gathered followers to his cult. Some expressions were peaceful and loving, while others were more extreme and violent. His female followers of the more extreme rituals were called the Maenads, or Bacchante. Noted for his associations with Aphrodite and Persephone, taking a sacrificial Adonis-like role in several stories, Dionysus was less well known for his love affairs with men, including Adonis and Hermaphrodite. Dionysus is both an upperworld god of light, as a newborn child of innocence, and one who has braved the underworld, in search of his mother’s spirit, to come back with the power the shamanic realms has to offer. As Bacchus to the Romans, this god was depicted less beautiful, and more masculine, yet he retained his softness and sensitivity. Dionysus is quite the example of balancing gender identities as a path to enlightenment.

Ereshkigal (Sumerian)

Sister to Inanna, and Queen of the Underworld, Ereshkigal is the dark goddess of the dead. She is like the crone, and associated with the power of transformation and destruction, with Greek Kore/Persephone, Hindu Kali, Celtic Morgan, and Norse Hel. In Egypt, Ereshkigal was petitioned for gay male love spells.

Eros (Greek)

Eros is most popularly known as the cupid image of Valentine’s Day cards, and as the aid to Aphrodite, shooting arrows to make mortals and gods alike fall in love. The mythic, truly worshiped god Eros is much different from our conception of him. Like Dionysus, he contained a mixture of feminine and masculine energies, being soft, gentle, loving, effeminate, and childlike on one hand, and ancient, wise, aggressive, and masculine on the other. Eros is the patron and protector of homosexual love. He, along with Hermes and Hercules, could grant blessings upon male couples—the gifts of loyalty, eloquence, and strength, respectively. Eros is a major deity in the Orphic Mystery Schools, associated with the dolphin, flute, lyre, rose, and rooster. As a patron of success in battle, he was called upon by warrior/lovers before a fight, because many in the Greek world believed the love men had for each other would unite and lead them to victory.

Erzulie (Vodoun)

Erzulie is the Voodoo loa of love, seduction, and beauty, who grants the gift of manifesting beauty to those in the creative arts, such as painters, musicians, poets, and designers. Although similar in some ways to the Aphrodite archetypes, Erzulie also contains darker elements akin to the underworld goddesses. Her symbol is the mirror, not only to admire her beauty, but in Voodoo, the mirror is the symbol of the spirit world, the gateway to the realm of the loa. She is sometimes known as a loa of tragic love, for she is Erzulie Ge Rouge, Erzulie of the Red Eyes. She weeps constantly because no man can love her enough. Some practitioners consider her a patron to gay men and lesbians. Men “ridden” by Erzulie often display transgender traits.

Freyja (Norse)

The Norse myths divide the gods into two tribes, the Aseir and Vanir. The Vanir tribe is considered earthier, embodying the natural forces. The Aseir represent the more intellectual aspects demonstrated by sky-god cultures. The two tribes clashed and eventually the Aseir won the conflict. As a sign of peace, the tribes traded members. Freyja and Freyr lived in Asgard with the Aseir as part of the agreement. Freyja is the good goddess of these ancient people who would become the Norse. She is the goddess of the land, fertility, eroticism, and magick. She specialized in a shamanic magick called Seidr, the practice of inducing shamanic states through shivering and shaking, and sex magick acts are also attributed to her. She wears the golden falcon cloak, which carries her into the otherworlds like the bird of prey. Freyja taught her magick to the god Odin, the all-father of the Aseir. This great goddess later became a goddess of battle, and her initiations included the rite of boys becoming men and warriors. Although modern practitioners of the Norse traditions, the Asatru, are often seen as dominantly heterosexual and sometimes even unwelcoming of gays, it appears possible their ancient spiritual ancestors had homoerotic overtones in actuality, or ritually, like most ancient cultures. Becoming a warrior was a form of blood brothering. Ritual anal intercourse may have been a part of that warrior bonding.

Freyr (Norse)

Her brother, the god Freyr, also embodies the earth, like a vegetation king, growing, dying, and then resurrecting. Sharing attributes with the traditional Wiccan horned and green gods, Freyr is sometimes depicted with an erect penis, and fertility icons are present as part of his worship. He is also a patron of magick, shamanism, water, eroticism, love, peace, boars, horses, and stags. Freyr seems to keep his associations with peace, an association many queer men identify with instead of focusing on the more patriarchal and warlike gods, while other gods, including his sister, were directed toward war. His priest may have been homoerotic or transgendered, and well versed in his sister’s form of shamanic magick. In many ways, Freyja and Freyr are like two sides of the same coin, even in name. To modern pagans, they represent the primal Goddess and God of the land, the Lady and Lord seen all over the world

Ganesha (Hindu)

Ganesha, the breaker of obstacles and binder of evil, is usually depicted as a four-armed, plump, elephant-headed man, riding a rat. Ganesha is a benefactor, a wise, gentle, and loving god, acting as an aide and intermediary for other deities of the Hindu faith. He is the son of the goddess Parvati. One myth claims his father is the god Shiva. Another says he was created by Parvati from clay and dust, to be both her son and servant. Lesser-known myths say he sprung from the union of Parvati with the goddess of the Ganges River, Ganga, or another handmaiden goddess. Shiva beheads him in a fit of anger, as Ganesha protects the inner chambers of Parvati. The goddess replaced his fallen human head with an elephant’s head. Shiva later gave control of his armies, his own power, to Ganesha. The inner chambers of the goddess represent the inner, sacred power, and the power of sexuality, as he is said to guard the root chakra, and kundalini. The gates to the kundalini energy are the vagina and anus, and the elephant-headed god has been linked to homoerotic forms of worship involving anal sex. Ganesha is mixed in terms of sexuality, masculine in gender, and as represented with the elephant’s trunk, but also is soft, tender, and portrayed with breasts. He opens the gateways that block our path, removes obstacles, and protects travelers. Speaking from personal experience, Ganesha is a powerful ally to have when overcoming challenges placed before you.

Ganymede (Greek)

The most famous male lover of the Olympian god-king Zeus, Ganymede was a prince whom Zeus coveted. Taking the shape of an eagle, Zeus snatched Ganymede up to Mount Olympus to be his lover and his cupbearer, pourer of the golden ambrosia, the nectar of the gods. Ambrosia, like other sacred liquids, is associated with semen. The sign of Aquarius is associated with Ganymede.

Gwydion (Celtic)

Brother to the Welsh warrior Gilfaethwy, Gwydion is an archetypal magician figure, whose attributes were later absorbed by the Arthurian legends in the figure of Merlin. Gwydion is a trickster, as well as a magician, associated with the Celtic otherworlds and rites similar to shamanism, shape-shifting, and transformation. To woo the lady Goewin from the warrior/magician/king Math, Gilfaethwy asked for Gwydion’s aid. Though greatly skilled, they failed, causing a war with the King Pywll. Math punished them by transforming them into animals of the opposite gender and having them mate, producing a deer, pig, and wolf, who were later transformed by Math into human men, the heroes Hyddwn, Hychtwn, and Bleiden. Gilfaethwy took the female role twice, but Math made them both retain their human consciousness within their animal incarnations, as punishment. The results, however, were quite

wonderful, creating three heroes. Such myths can construe an archetypal reality that preceded events of ritual transgenderism and homoerotic worship among the Celtic people. Only later, as the myth was retold to Christian audiences, does the same-sex union become punishment for misdeeds. Gwydion later guides the development of the warrior Lleu, much like Merlin did with King Arthur.

Hecate (Greco-Roman)

The archetypal goddess of the witches, Hecate is the triple goddess of magick, justice, travel, the night, and the crossroads. She guards the roads of travel, sailors, horses, dogs, and wealth. As Hecate Triformus, she is the one who is three, embodying maiden, mother, and crone, but is most often seen as the crone, the dark goddess of the underworld—the bringer of light or terrible darkness, as a goddess of blessings and curses. Her symbol is the torch, carried into the dark night. As a handmaiden to Aphrodite and Persephone, she is a goddess of love, evoked for gay male love spells going back to the 3rd century C.E. She is also linked with Diana and Proserpina by the Romans, as triple Moon goddesses, and with Artemis, Luna, and Persephone in various triplicies, by the Greeks. Though most typically viewed as a Greek goddess, worshiped by priestesses, her roots trace back to Thrace, and she was honored by gender-variant male priests called semnotatoi. The Romans did not change her name when they assimilated her from the Greek pantheon.

Heracles (Greek)

The famous hero had a number of male companions through his many trials. Among them: Abderos, who kept the mares of Diomedes for Heracles but was eaten by the beasts; Hylas, Heracles’ companion when he sailed on the Argo, who was eventually kidnapped by nymphs in Mysia; and Iolaus, who help cauterize the necks of the hydra when Heracles famously chopped off the beast’s many heads. Indeed, the relationship with Iolaus was enshrined in Thebes, where male couples of the day could be found “exchanging vows and pledges with their beloved at his tomb,” according to historian Louis Crompton.

Hermaphrodite (Greek)

Hermaphrodite is a deity of both genders, having a penis and breasts. One myth states Hermaphrodite is the child of Hermes and Aphrodite, hence the name, and contained the best attributes of them both. Another myth states a nymph named Salmacis pursued a mortal man who spurned her. She asked that she and the mortal be joined forever, and the gods did just that, fulfilling her exact words, and not her intention. The gods melted the two together into one being with both masculine and feminine attributes.

Hermes/Mercury (Greco-Roman)

Although called the messenger god of the Olympians, Hermes has a much greater sphere of influence. True, he is the god of travel, but he is not restricted to any place or role. When speaking to his father, Zeus, he asks to go anywhere he chooses, and takes the role of messenger and psychopomp, traveling between the heavens, Earth, and underworlds. A psychopomp is a guide for souls who takes the dead to the underworld, and new souls to Earth. The psychopomp is the divine archetype of the shaman and magician. As one not bound by traditional roles and obligations, he is free to go and do as he pleases. Hermes took male and female lovers as he desired. With Hercules and Eros, he is part of a homoerotic trinity. His son is the god Pan. Although a male deity, Hermes is androgynous, and carries a lot of boyish charm. Called “Mercury” by the Romans, and associated with Thoth of the Egyptians, Hermes was evoked during the 3rd century in Egypt for gay and lesbian love spells in Hellenistic (Greek) magick. Dill seeds are considered the “semen of Hermes.” Hermes is also credited with giving humans the gifts of writing, mathematics, music, geometry, games, gambling, gymnastics, and wrestling. He is even said to be the inventor of masturbation. Invoked for protection when traveling, Hermes is another Greek patron of the crossroads. He is the god of both intellect and cunning, and as a trickster spirit, he is a patron of thieves. The symbols of Hermes include the winged sandals and cap, the caduceus, and the wand. The caduceus symbolizes the currents of kundalini, rising in a spiral, and later pictured as a double helix, like DNA, or the currents of masculine and feminine energy blending together. Now it is the symbol of modern medicine, as Hermes is a patron of healers. Hermes is a versatile god of many talents, trades, and attributes.

Horus (Egyptian)

Horus is the avenging son and a savior figure, a divine child in the Osirian cults. Horus is the falcon-headed god. One of his eyes is the Sun and the other is the Moon. The son of Osiris and Isis, he revenges himself against his father’s murderer, his uncle Set. Although Horus and Set were in constant conflict until Horus’s eventual victory, one myth relates the story of oral intercourse between Set and Horus, and Set consequently gives birth to Horus’s child. The child is either the Moon god Khonshu or the scribe of the gods, Thoth. Thoth is also associated with the Moon and homosexuality, although in most stories Thoth predates Horus. Homoerotic reproduction is common between divine personages, and their union often signifies birth of a mystical truth rather than a physical child. This particular birth suggests that the child of light and the god of darkness, nephew, and uncle are really two sides of the same deity, much like the cyclical Oak and Holly King of Celtic myth. Unfortunately, many scholars interpret the saga of Horus and Set as the struggle of good versus evil.

Hypnos (Greek)

Popular in mythology is the story of the Moon goddess Selene, who loved the boy Endymion. Most versions tell us she was so distracted by her love that she failed to pull her Moon chariot across the sky, causing darkness and the phases of the Moon. The gods punished her by putting poor Endymion to sleep, yet she still visits, continuing the dark phases of the Moon. The underworld god Hypnos, god of sleep, also loved Endymion, and he put Endymion to sleep, so they may share time together through dreams.

Indra (Hindu)

Indra is the Hindu sky god, with many similarities to Zeus. Both bisexual and transgendered, Indra loves his wife, Indrani. Indrani and Indra are viewed as the feminine and masculine sides to one being. Indra also loves the Moon god Soma, who elicits comparisons to Ganymede. The word soma also refers to the drink of the gods, like the Greek ambrosia, an offering, or potentially a psychotropic substance, real or mythic, which opens the gate to the gods. Soma also forms a union with Agni, the Hindu god of fire.

Isis (Egyptian)

The most beloved of goddesses, Isis is the Great Mother goddess of the Egyptians, the mother of gods and pharaohs. As the goddess of the land, agriculture, Moon, heaven, the underworld, healing, and magick, she is essentially the goddess of life. Her worship started in Stone Age Egypt, but was later incorporated in the more patriarchal myths of Ra, Osiris, and Horus. Even so, she plays a pivotal part in such dramas. Her worship spread into Europe, particularly as a result of Rome’s contact with Egypt, and only diminished with the rise of Christianity and the violent conversions associated with it. Christianized emperor Constantine forbade her worship and rites, desecrated her temples and killed her priests and priestesses. Actually, she was worshiped almost twice as long as Christ has been, and modern pagans are reviving her worship. Her cults and mysteries may have been similar to or even inspired the Eleusian mysteries of Persephone and Demeter. Although associated with homosexuality through her son Horus and brother Set, Isis, like other goddesses of her time and place, is served in ancient times, and today, by gay and transgendered priests and priestesses. Priests of the ancient world grew out their hair and nails, wore skirts, engaged in ritual sex, fertility rites, and possibly ritual castration, all to the dismay of later Christian observers. As the Great Mother, she welcomes all genders, orientations, races, and classes to her worship, and is considered one of the most popular and well-known goddesses in the modern pagan movement.

Kali Ma (Hindu)

Known in Hindu myth as the destroyer, the warrior goddess, and devouring mother is Kali. She is a dark goddess of magick, tantra, thieves, warriors, and death, with many arms carrying weapons, skin like ebony, and wearing a necklace of human heads. She is the destroyer of demons, and the wife/mother of Shiva, the dissolver. In modern practice, Kali is the harsh mother called upon to destroy what does not serve, including our own egos and illusions. She is both beauty and horror personified, forcing us to face our fears. Most people misunderstand the power of Kali. She is not a monster. She is akin to the Celtic war goddesses and crones, like the triple Morgan and the Cailleach. In the Hindu traditions, she is like Mother Nature. Male worshipers sometimes dress as Kali, with fright wigs, masks, and dresses, or ritually cut themselves with swords, as a symbolic castration.

Loki (Norse/Scandinavian/Germanic)

Originally, Loki was a fire god, later absorbed by the Teutonic tribes. In Norse myth, he is adopted as Odin’s blood brother. As his myth changed over time, he was demonized much like the Egyptian Set was. Loki is the trickster, in the positive and negative associations of the word. Although oriented to fire and light, Loki is as much a mercurial figure as Hermes and Thoth, working in words and clever unpredictability, like a combination of The Fool and The Magician of the tarot. Later his words turned to lies and his pranks turned much more malicious, siding with the enemies of the Asgardian gods, causing the death of Balder, the Sun god, son of Odin and brother to Thor. Loki is credited with starting Ragnarok, the Norse Apocalypse the gods desperately tried to prevent. As a shape-shifter, Loki is associated with transgenderism. To help Thor recover his hammer, stolen by the giants, he dresses Thor as Freyja and disguises himself as “her” handmaiden. Later disguised as the giantess Thokk, he prevented Balder’s resurrection by refusing to cry for Balder and defying the goddess Hel’s vow to release Balder from the land of the dead if all would shed a tear for him. Loki also assumed Freyja’s form and cloak, indicating magical and shamanic associations with the goddess, although it appears Loki never had a cult or priesthood exclusively his own. He transforms to a mare, gets pregnant, and gives birth to Odin’s eight-legged magical steed Sleipnir. Because of it, Loki, as a male god, is associated with homosexual union, called “argr” by Odin, an abusive term in old Norse for a sexually receptive male. Related to the word “ergi” that may indicate a sexually receptive male and one versed in Freyja’s magick. Loki also fathered the Midgard Serpent, Fenris Wolf, and Hel, the goddess of death.

Macha (Celtic)

Macha is an aspect of the Celtic triplicity known as the Morgan. Her name means “battle” and she is associated with both the crow and the horse. Three Machas have appeared in Celtic myth. The first is the wife of Nemed. Another is Cimbeath’s wife, who becomes a war chief, herself. The last, and most unusual, is Macha, the wife of Crunnchu. She came to Crunnchu as a fairy lover, making him promise never to reveal her identity. She becomes pregnant with his child. Foolishly, Crunnchu brags to the King in Ulster that his wife can outrun any of the king’s horses. The king accepts his challenge, demanding Crunnchu’s head should the latter lose the bet. Macha, in her mortal guise, is forced to run the race, and she wins, immediately gives birth to twins, and reveals her divine nature, cursing the men of Ulster for their treatment of her. For nine generations, in times of great crisis, all the men of Ulster experience a feminine transformation, living the pains of childbirth. Such androgynous transformation could signify a strong goddess cult influence in Ulster, originally demonstrating not a punishment, but an understanding of the goddess Macha. Although a goddess of war, she is also a goddess of life and sovereignty, giving birth under harsh conditions. Both Emain Macha, Ulster’s capital, and Ard Macha are named after her.

Morrigu/Morrigan/Morgan (Celtic)

The Celtic trinity of war goddesses are known by the name Morrigu. One version contains the goddesses Anu, Babd Catha, and Macha. Another version consists of Babd, Macha, and Nemain. All are associated with battle and death, but also with life. On Samhain, the Morrigan mates with the Dagda, with one foot in the river and one on land, symbolizing the veil between the worlds opening as spirits pass through it. In the revival of modern witchcraft, she is one of the most popular Celtic goddesses, associated with the Great Mother of the Earth, sea, and cosmos. In later myths, she was transformed into Morgan Le Fey of the Arthurian legend, sometimes ally and sometimes villain.

Narcissus (Greek)

A figure mostly known for his obsessive vanity, this son of a nymph and a river god would spend his last days gazing at his own reflection, but the first man he showed affection for was not himself. A myth traced in origin to the Boeotia region mentions a relationship between Narcissus and the smitten Ameinias, whom Narcissus would eventually grow tired of before sending him a sword as a kiss-off. Ameinias, desperately depressed over the rejection, killed himself.

Nephthys (Kemetic)

While there are fewer tales in Egyptian history and mythology about female than male homosexuality, many considered the goddess Nephthys to be a lesbian. The sister and constant companion of Isis, she married brother Seth but bore him no children. Scholars have debated whether the stories of Nephthys, who did bear one son by Osiris, show that the culture held lesbians in greater esteem than gay men, because they could still be fertile despite their sexual orientation. Then again, others express skepticism about her lesbianism altogether.

Odin/Wotan (Norse/German/Scandinavian)

Known as Wotan the Wanderer in Germanic myth, Odin is the all father and king of the Aseir, the warrior gods of the Norse pantheon. Credited with creating, with his brothers, the nine worlds of the Norse cosmology Odin, is a god king and mercurial figure, a traveler, binder, and inspirer. Odin is very shamanic, hanging himself from the world tree to gain knowledge of the runes and giving his eye for knowledge. He is attended by two ravens—Thought and Memory—the head of Mimir who granted him knowledge, and the spirits of the warriors of Valhalla and the Valkyries. (“Valkyrie” means “choosers of the slain,” a group comprising of Amazon-like warrior goddesses acting as psychopomps to the souls of heroes, leading them to Valhalla.) He is the god of nobles, leaders, warriors, poets, magicians, and mad men, evoking a frenzy or fury for battlers. His son Thor is the chief god of the common folk. Odin is known to have assumed feminine dress and identity when it suited his purpose. Freyja initiated him into Seidr shamanic magick, a form traditionally reserved for women and transgendered/homosexual men. He is blood brother to Loki, and their bonding has homoerotic overtones, much like the process of warriors bonding in the rites of Freyja.

Orpheus (Greek)

The legendary poet and musician may be best known for the story of his journey to the underworld to retrieve his wife, Eurydice; he failed to do so when he succumbed to temptation and looked at her before both had returned to the world of the living. According to Ovid, he never took another female lover after that — but did love other young men in Thrace. Spurned, Ciconian women would eventually tear Orpheus apart during a Bacchic orgy.

Osiris (Egyptian)

Osiris is one of the few fertility gods of the ancient pagan world not specifically associated with homosexual relationships, as Adonis and Dionysus are. His only association comes from his brother Set and his son Horus. Originally a god of fertility, he is killed by his brother Set, and resurrected by his wife, Isis. Angered by his resurrection, Set dismembers him. Isis finds all the pieces, except his penis. She resurrects him, placing a symbolic phallus in the correct position. Because of his inability to create new life, Osiris becomes lord of the dead. Either prior to his second death, or through the magical workings of Isis after his second resurrection, he conceives a child with Isis, named Horus, who continues his battle against Set, with the aid of Anubis, Nephthys, and Thoth, and eventually wins, becoming the new pharaoh, ruling in Osiris’s name. The flooding of the Nile River is said to be the semen of Osiris, the life-giving waters resulting from his acts of self-pleasure in the realms below. Pharaohs may have imitated Osiris during their enthronement rituals, masturbating before the image of the gods. These rituals later led to public masturbation as religious worship in Egypt. Such acts of religious sexuality can be found also in ancient Phoenicia, Babylon, and Assyria.

Pan/Faunus (Greco-Roman)

The horned god Pan incarnates the power of the land and animals, the power of wild things, into an archetype of immense power. Often viewed as the primary representation of the Wiccan godforce, Pan is the goat-legged god of music, creativity, poetry, nature, animals, sexuality, and even terror. He is the god of life and death, though not often portrayed as a lord or king, but somewhat as a trickster or nature spirit, cavorting with nymphs and satyrs. Originating the term “pansexual,” Pan loves both men and women. Artwork depicts him playing the panpipes, penis erect and chasing after men and maidens, particularly shepherds and young men to whom he is teaching music. He has been associated with Dionysus and Ganymede. Unfortunately, his visage was partially adopted by Christians to embody the devil, or Satan, though Pan’s pagan historical worship had absolutely nothing to do with Satan.

Poseidon (Greek)

According to Pindar’s First Olympian Ode, Pelops, the king of Pisa, once shared “Aphrodite’s sweet gifts” with the ocean god himself. Pelops for a time was taken to Olympus by Poseidon and trained to drive the divine chariot.

Quan Yin (Asian)

Quan Yin, or Kuan Yin, is the Chinese goddess of compassion. She sits on an island and listens to the prayers of the world, particularly those of women, children, and sailors. In Buddhists terms, she is a bodhisattva, one who forsakes her own union with divinity to remain behind on a spiritual plane, to guide and help the people of the world. She could be thought of as an ascended master or saint. Quite possibly Quan Yin was once depicted as male, from Indian origin, as Avalokiteshvara, and later viewed as a female figure, since union with the divine reconciles the female and male aspects. The Buddha is generally shown as male, so his companion, Quan Yin, was depicted as female in the 8th century. As a bodhisattva, Quan Yin is seen as beyond this world’s concept of gender, and can change gender at will, as needed.

Ra (Kemetic)

While the sun god Ra in most mythological accounts was regarded as the father to the major gods, Sir Ernest Alfred Wallis Budge wrote of clear indications of a double-gender nature to the deity. As early as the fifth dynasty, Budge wrote of Ra’s female counterpart Rat, who was considered the mother of the gods.

Rama (Hindu)

Another origin story for the hijras comes from the Ramayana, which tells the tale of Rama gathering his subjects in the forest before his 14-year adventure. He tells the men and women to return to their appropriate places in Ayodhya, but upon his return from his epic journey, Rama finds some have not left the place of that speech and instead merged together in an intersex fashion. He grants hijras the ability to confer certain blessings, the beginning of the badhai tradition.

Sedna (Native American/Inuit)

Several myths paint Sedna has a gynandromorphous creation deity, served by two-spirit shamans. Others depict her as a young woman who lived with her female partner at the bottom of the ocean. She is a mother goddess of life and death, of animals, particularly sea creatures, hunting, heaven, and destiny.

Set (Egyptian)

Set, or Seth to some, is the brother to Isis and Osiris, the divine mother and father of dominant Egyptian myth. He is also husband to his sister Nephthys, a dark goddess who lacked Set’s association with evil and later defected to her sister Isis’s cause. Set is considered the god of evil by the Osirian cults of Egypt, but more rightly he is the god of the harsh forces, the desert, the tests of the world, and the mysteries of death and sacrifice. He is distinguished by his red hair and fair skin—a far cry from the other Egyptian gods—suggesting a previous incarnation and set of associations from another people that were later absorbed into the Egyptian pantheon. His redness is reminiscent of the red sands and dust storms. He is also considered pansexual. Much later he was connected with Typhon, the serpent chaos god and nemesis of Zeus. Typhon is associated with the watery chaos serpent creation goddess Tiamat of Sumeria. In modern mythology, Set slays his brother Osiris twice out of jealousy and twice Isis returns him to life, though finally as a god of the dead. The two begot Horus, who continues the fight. Though Set himself was Horus’s nemesis, the two have oral sex, Set swallows Horus’s seed, and gives birth to a child.

Teiresias (Greek)

The blind prophet of Apollo was most famous in Greek myth for being transformed from a man into a woman for seven years. During his female years, Teiresias became a priestess of Hera, married, and even had children, according to Hesiod. Call him mythology’s original transgender person. After the gods changed him back, Zeus asked who enjoyed sex more, men or women. Teiresias revealed the ladies had it roughly 10 times better than the lads. Reporting this earned him a blinding by Hera.

Tezcatlipoca (Aztec)

As the Father of Witches, Tezcatlipoca walks the jungles in many forms, including a jaguar, coyote, monkey, or woman. He is the patron of sorcery and divination, often depicted holding his namesake, a black obsidian, or “smoking,” mirror. Seen as a dark solar figure at times, he is the mirror image of Quetzalcoatl, with whom he battled often. As a magician and shaman, Tezcatlipoca grants miraculous healings, although he is associated with death and sacrifice. Tezcatlipoca and his priests are associated with transgenderism, homosexuality, and ritual prostitution similar to the cults of the Middle Eastern goddesses.

Thoth (Egyptian)

The myths surrounding Thoth are numerous and varied, ranging from his role as a primal creation god to that of guide and aide to the ruling god, or son of Set and Horus’s homosexual union. His is pictured variously as a man with an ape or ibis head. Thoth’s title, “shepard of the anus,” comes from his association with the ibis, which fastidiously cleans its anus with its beak. He is primarily a god of writing, communication, magick, invention, justice, and the Moon.

Tlazoteotl (Aztec)

Tlazoteotl is the “Eater of Filth,” “Dirt Goddess,” or the “Shit Goddess” who takes all the darkness of the world, all the horrors, pain, and suffering and transforms it to purest gold. With these attributes in mind, Tlazoteotl can be viewed as an underworld, dark goddess figure, bringing the wisdom of the shadow to her people. She is a powerful goddess of life and death. Viewed as the archetypal witch, even in the Americas, she is seen partially nude, with either horns or a conical hat, holding a snake and riding a broom. The rabbit is her animal. Along with Xochiquetzal, she is mother and protector of the huastecs, transgendered, lesbian priestess. She is also linked with male homosexuality in her form as “Goddess of the Anus.” In most recent times, in a pop-culture, graphic story called The Invisibles by Grant Morrison (Vertigo/DC), she is associated with a shamanic drag queen named Lord Fanny.

Xochilpilli (Aztec)

Known as “the prince of flowers,” Xochilpilli is the Aztec patron god of flowers, physical pleasure, fine food, dancing, singing, games, entertaining, and perfumes. Although he is a giver of curses as well as blessings, his festivals are known for their lack of human sacrifice. Xochilpilli is a corn or grain god, partaking in the fertility mysteries of the spring equinox, much like a New World Adonis, with his mother and lover, Xochiquetzal. He is a patron of gay men, gender variance, and male prostitution. As a form of the god Naxcit-Xuchitl, he is said to have introduced homosexuality to his people. As Naxcit-Xuchitl, he ruled the Age of Flowers, or the Cosmic Cycle of the Four-Petaled Flower. Though most records of this time are derogatory, the general, less hostile position marks it as a time ruled by women warriors, where a form of Xochiquetzal was prevalent, and men focused on the arts and possibly same-sex relationships. Perhaps the Four-Petaled Flower age was a New World matriarchal age.

Xochiquetzal (Aztec)

An Aztec goddess of the underworld and of spring flowers, Xochiquetzal is somewhat akin to the Greek Persephone in that regard, though others relate her to the biblical Eve. The rain god Tlaloc is her husband, though Tezcatlipoca fell in love with her and took her away. Tlaloc then brought the great flood. Xochiquetzal is the mother of Quetzalcoatl and Xochilpilli. Marigolds, the Moon, red serpents, deer, spiders, butterfly wings, and thorns are her symbols, as she is a goddess of weavers, painters, sculptors, craftsmen, smiths, poets, and those engaging in nonreproductive sex. She is a protector of lesbians, along with Tlazolteotl, and is strongly linked to gay and transgendered men.

Vishnu/Mohini (Hindu)

A major deity of the religion regarded as protector of the world, Vishnu is clearly depicted in the faith as gender-fluid. This major Hindu deity frequently took on the female avatar of Mohini. Vishnu even procreated with Shiva in the Mohini form, resulting in the birth of Ayyappa, a major figure still worshipped by millions who make pilgrimages to shrines in India. The avatar Mohini frequently gets describes as an enchantress who maddens lovers.

Yemaya (Santeria)

Yemaya is the orisha of oceans, rivers, and water, a divine mother. The orisha are like the loa of Voodoo, but Santeria practices have a particularly Spanish flair. Yemaya is a great sorceress, a powerful patron of magick, and is known to shapeshift into a man at times. As a warrior woman, Yemaya is linked to transgendered and lesbian women. Water is generally associated with healing, cleansing, and emotion, so Yemaya is appealed to for healing, particularly now, to wash away HIV/AIDS, as she is also seen as a patron to gay, bisexual, and transgendered men.

Zeus/Jupiter (Greco-Roman)

Zeus is a sky and storm god, the carrier of lightning and rain, and the leader of the Olympians. The son of Chronos the Titan and grandson of the sky god Uranus, Zeus led his siblings to victory against the Titans. He divided creation among his brothers. He gained the heavens, Poseidon the seas, and Hades the underworld. Zeus is both a beneficent father figure and a stern patriarch, but always the supreme god. Zeus is associated with the planet Jupiter, which is his Roman name, and the granter of fortune, blessings, and prosperity. His wife is the sky goddess Hera, although he is known for his liaisons with both men and women, siring numerous offspring. Zeus is a shape-shifter and often uses the ability to seduce unsuspecting young men and women. In the Orphic mythology, he is transgendered as Zeus Arrhenothelus, being both mother and father. Later myths completely abandon Zeus’s transgendered aspects, but he retains some motherly attributes. Zeus gave birth to the goddess of wisdom, Athena, directly from his brow, as he did Dionysus from his thigh. This ability to carry a child to term echoes Zeus’s older attributes and we should not forget Them.

https://www.pride.com/entertainment/2017/9/11/52-queer-gods-who-ruled-ancient-history

Christopher Penczak’s Gay Witchcraft: Empowering the Tribe

[steviestevington]

All the questions

oh fUCK okay here we go

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Yeah they are

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Of course they are omg

3. Are you a virgin?

No

4. Are you in a relationship?

Yes indeedy I am !

5. Are you in love?

God I sure am

6. Are you single this year?

Nope

7. Can you commit to one person?

I can and I am committed to one person !

8. Describe your crush

His name is Jay he’s got long black hair currently and green eyes and wears glasses he’s gorgeous

9. Describe your perfect mate

Jay lmao

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Absolutely

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Betrayal meaning like cheating? If so no

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Unfortunately yeah rip

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Yeah don’t tell him but I got a big fat crush on my boyfriend

15. Do you have any piercings?

Just my earlobes

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Unfortunately no :c

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Deadass love it so much

20. Do you shower every day?

Fuck no I ain’t got time for that

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Well I sure hope my boyfriend does lmao

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Idk Jay might be but who knows

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of fucking course, easily

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I do not know honestly I could see it being maybe possible but who knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I am and I am very happy about it

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

I think so maybe

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

I don’t think so, I hope not

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Fuck no

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

Ehhh not really but if I had to choose something I would want my nose changed I hate it

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Of course

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Uhhh probably

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

No

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah I mean I liked my ex before we were dating and we were best friends

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

I don’t think so ?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Uhh kinda yeah

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No I’m terrible at that shit

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Bitch they wander immediately

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Like 4.5 years or something idk

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Only one other boyfriend before Jay

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

None

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

Zero

47. How old are you?

21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Well idk what I would say in the moment but obviously that would mean we’d break up which would be extremely unfortunate and heartbreaking

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Literally everything there’s no way I can pick one single thing he’s perfect in every way

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

HAHAHAHAHAHA F U C K NO

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yeah his name is Jay

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Uhhh idk maybe I’ve given up on crushes in the past because it was obviously not gonna happen but that’s all I can think of

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I doubt it lmao

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

I mean I’ll never forget the shit my abuser did to me unfortunately

55. Share a relationship story.

I can’t think of any sorry agdhgfhsd

56. State 8 facts about your body

I will pass on that I don’t even know 2 facts about it that are more fascinating than “I have two arms”

57. Things you want to say to an ex

You’re a gross piece of shit and you had no right to pressure me into sexual things or treat me the way you did, you traumatized me in so many ways and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life, I hope karma kicks your ass one day

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Bitch I don’t know Jay did it easily ask him lmao

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

I don’t have any good ones on my laptop so just go to my “about” page there’s a link in my description or look at my blog /tagged/my-face

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

I really don’t know I think the age difference between Jay and I is a little bit bigger than the one between my ex and I but I’m too lazy to figure it out

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their eyes or smile

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I’ve got a real damn weird Thing for formal clothing so wear that for me n I’ll be so into it

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Idk anything with another person involving genitals honestly

64. What is your definition of cheating?

It’s as easy as just having an emotional affair it doesn’t even have to be physical

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

I don’t want it to lead to sex but some intense making out is my favorite

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

No I don’t do that fuck off

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Anything with your partner that you both enjoy is a perfect date

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Pan/ace

69. What turns you off?

Bad hygiene and a shitty personality

70. What turns you on?

Good hygiene, making out, neck kissing/biting, hickeys, my partner makin cute noises of pleasure while we are all over each other

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

LMAO if I ever have sexual dreams they’re extremely frustrating and I can never actually get All The Way no matter how hard I try so I wouldn’t say I have kinky ones cuz I’m always by myself I don’t like sex with other people

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

None I don’t like sex

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

I like being given flowers

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

A nice smile

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Uhhh idk Jay always does extremely sweet things but what’s coming to mind is that he decided on his own to stop doing something that causes me severe anxiety because he doesn’t wanna put me through that and that meant a whole lot to me

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Man I don’t know I always go overboard with things but I think my valentines day with Jay recently is up there with the sweetest things I’ve done

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

There should not me a maturity or development gap at all

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I really want a dildo from bad dragon but I’ll probably never own one lmao

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

Uhhh idk when one of my bfs friends goes overboard with complimenting his appearance I get weird about it cuz I’m a dumbass

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Idk I tell Jay I love him all the time so like 20 minutes ago probably afgdhfds

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

My boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, and Brendon Urie lmao

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My dad

83. Who was your first kiss with?

My ex

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

I don’t know and I don’t really care anymore tbh

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

afdgsfd I mean that’s how Jay and I met so yeah lmao

[secondlife-ooc]

RULES

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[hoarder-of-stories-27]

Blogkeeping (post version for Android phones)

(Most recently updated: March 2022)

We try to find image descriptions for accessibility as often as possible, because that’s important, and sometimes write them ourselves for undescribed posts.

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Warnings we currently tag, with a “/[word/phrase]”/“/[word/phrase] mention” system (so, for example, "/abuse" or "/antis mention"):

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long (for long posts), very long post, uncaptioned, partially uncaptioned, untranscribed, video, gifs, self rebloop (for self rebl/ogs), signal boost, donations, tgcf spoilers, kissing (for fully visible mouth kisses in fanart), /nsfa mention (for mentions of sex), animals (for pictures and discussions of animals), genderbend, pulsing lights (for flashing), /misinfo (mostly for jokes that may be unclear)

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Please let us know if you need or want something tagged that isn't on this list! We might actually already tag it - I keep finding more tags that I forgot to put on here. But please ask.

[notesfromthefielddesk]

Episode 4 - Clifford Geertz

Episode link; https://open.spotify.com/episode/7MwsvHP2VFdpU8uDIRXBYh?si=d980149c963e44f7 

(Ambient sound of birds chirping)

John

How do I start?

I’ve been rushing around it feels like, it’s been frantic. I took couple weeks off. Switched off my phone. I’d been flying here and there, Papua New Guinea, South Sudan, North Sudan. So today i’m slowing down, the desk isn’t in the sea or surrounded by cows, I’m just in the room I rented in Bali. I’ve been just travelling around Indonesia for a while. I saw the guy in amongst the crowd but he seems to be keeping his distance now.

Really, I was just trying to get here. I’ve always wanted to come to Indonesia. All through my undergrad I imagined myself here. I thought of myself as Geertz 2.0. When I needed to write an essay I reached for Geertz. Essay about methodology, I’d open up “toward an interpretive theory of culture.” writing about Islam - then Islam Observed was right there. When I imagined myself in the field it was at the side of cockfight in Bali.

I always thought of myself as like him, I don’t know why. It’s funny the way memory works isn’t it?  I’ve been sort of just mooching around Indonesia. I’ve been reading Geertz, and listening back to the other episodes and I haven’t really liked what i’m seeing. In myself I mean. It made me look again at what Geertz, the way my students would. It made me realise I wasn’t a good student, I don’t mean grades, my grades were fine - good even. But i had no relationships to these texts, I was just looting them for arguments which I could line up, one after another, and win the argument - get the grade. The colonial equivalent of learning. I didn’t take what was in them into the world, and into my life.

I guess what I mean, is not memory generally, I mean it’s funny how my memory works. Because when I think about Geertz, I picture this story where a Cock fight gets broken up by the police. Everyones there in a circle cheering screaming, the crowd a single organism, moving in unison when a truck full of policeman roars up to the fight. Amid the cries of police, police, from the crowd they jump from the truck into the centre of the ring, waving their machine guns around. In an instant the crowd has scattered, and Geertz is running too. That frenetic energy was what I wanted. Geertz is a few strides behind a man he’s never met but when a gate into a courtyard opens and the man leaps through, Geertz follows. Seeing them sprawl onto the floor the mans wife whips out a table chairs and tea. Moments later the police enter the courtyard, to find two men in deep conversation about culture over a cup of tea.

I remember that story from “Deep play: Notes on the Balinese Cockfight” ,Which sounds like the title of some high brow porn by the way, so clearly. That was kind of the genius of Geertz to me. The way he conjured these scenes that were so visceral. I wanted a slice of that life. But when I turned up in Bali, no-one would talk to me. I didn’t know when the cock fights were even taking place. When I found one, I sat outside the circle behind my desk ignored. I went back to the room I was renting, and I read notes on the Balinese Cockfight again. And i’d ignored some parts. Before the Cock fight story, Geertz talks about spending months being ignored, by everyone. Not just talking to people and they give short answers but people were actively turning their backs to him.

Guess what? I don’t remember the Cock fight story that well either, I missed out a key piece of information. Greeted never travelled alone, in his part memoir, part ethnographic overview “after the fact” he says “I have never worked in the field alone for more than a month or so, and I doubt very much that I could have managed it.”

At the table in the courtyard, there were three chairs, three cups of tea and three people pretending to talk about culture. The person absent in my memory is Hildred Geertz. Clifford’s then wife. But she wasn’t just his wife, she’s an acclaimed anthropologist in her own right. What does it say about me that when I imagine Geertz he’s swashbuckling in the field alone, that I remember the excitement, forget the struggle and forget his wife. But it isn’t just me forgetting Hildred, the subtitle of Geertz’s memoir is; “Two Countries, Four Decades, One Anthropologists.” Laura Nader said in her review that Geertz comes across frustrated by his inability to understand his four decades of work; her conclusion, is that maybe we need two ethnographers to look back. I re-read that scene of the police chase again. Hildred is there, just. But only as “my wife” not as an active participant, she goes completely un-described, which is weird for a guy who believed that description took priority over explanation. Does that absolve me?

(Break for silence, bleed into some lo-fi curious music)

Geertz is famous for two things. The first is his description of culture. He said “Man is an animal suspended in webs of significance he himself has spun. I take culture to be those webs, and the analysis of it to be therefore, not an experimental science in search of law but an interpretive one in search of meaning.” Which is kind of a bummer. When I read Malinowski it really seemed like culture could be a key to getting answers about the world. And EP made me believe that too. Malinowski made me think you could understand the link between what someone does and why, and EP made me think I could do that at scale, why is this society like this? Because of cows, oh okay. Looking back it seems a bit…silly. But I wanted it to be true so badly. I wanted certainty but reading Geertz…it’s like being drawn in to a vortex of uncertainty and doubt. Which is exactly what I wanted to escape.

So what are we doing? In the field I mean, if were not revealing the structure of societies then what are we doing? Yeah we’re interviewing people, keeping a diary participant observing but those are just practices, what’s the essence? What’s the aim? Before 1967 and the release of Malinowski’s diary it seemed like the answer was going native but as we discussed… probably not a great approach. We can’t be detached either though, because as I’ve been reminded over and over that’s not great either.

And this is the second thing Geertz is famous for; Thick Description. I always took that to mean just lots of description. The kind of description that when you read it gives you the thrill of running from the police through a Balinese village. And Geertz definitely does a bunch of that but thick description means something…more than that.

Okay to explain i’m going to have to spend quite a while talking about winking. Sorry.

Geertz says imagine three boys. One has a twitch, one is winking and the third is an asshole. From an objective “I am a camera” perspective meaning you just describe what happens, the first two boys are doing the same thing, they are closing one eye. But, because we all know what winking is we can tell the difference between the boy who is winking and the one with a twitch. Now think about the asshole kid, he’s closing his eye as a way to mock the boy with a twitch. So we’ve got one act but three meanings, twitching, winking and mocking. Geertz adds a fourth. If the mocking kids fake twitch isn’t convincing enough or is too convincing the joke doesn’t work. So maybe earlier in the day at home when he was planning his joke, he stood in the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror and practices his mocking twitch, adding a grimace here, an exaggerated head turn there. In this case he’s rehearsing. Four meanings.

I’ll add another wrinkle. Is the winking boy winking at the mocker or the twitcher? If it’s the first then maybe there is a conspiracy between the boys. When I wink you make fun of him! Or he doesn’t want to laugh in front of the boy with the twitch but still wants to give his approval of the performance. So maybe two of the boys are assholes. But if it’s the latter and he’s winking at the boy with the twitch maybe it’s an ill conceived attempt to console the boy with the twitch. So now we’re also getting into the relationships between the boys. But wait! What if they boy who is winking isn’t winking, he’s trying to mock the boy but he hasn’t rehearsed!

Side note; this isn’t Geertz’s idea he just popularised it, this theory comes from Ryle. So i’m summarising Geertz’s summary of Ryle… welcome to academia.

Anyway, the point of this long ass analogy is that the essence of ethnography isn’t going to far flung places, explaining society or going native. It’s the process of description which takes the three boys from three people closing one eye, to a boy with a twitch facing a preplanned conspiracy to mock him. That is what Geertz, via Ryle, calls thick description.

Geertz said description over everything! And that requires radical empathy and self reflection because to understand the three boys we have to be the opposite of an impartial observer we have to engage in the game, get the joke and be able to tell a wink from a wince. As researchers we aren’t a camera, we are one of the boys.

I can tell what you’re thinking. “Great, whatever, three imaginary people stood in a circle winking at each other. What’s this got to do with Indonesia.” Which is fair so let’s apply it to a cockfight.

Cockfighting is a big deal in Bali. Maybe less so than when Geertz did his research here in the 70s but still. Even the grumpiest Balinese man will transform when the topic comes up, and will launch into excited description of his… Rooster. And look I know what you’re thinking, and no the falic implications are not lost on people in Bali. If you can think of a penis joke on this topic, I assure you a Balinese man has 10 more in the same vein. Bateson and Mead two other anthropologists who wrote about this said and I quote “Cocks are viewed as detachable self operating penises, ambulant genitals with a life of their own.” An image that will now haunt my dreams.

Okay, but heres another comparison, Balinese men deeply personally identify with their…fighting chicken, when they talk about the fights they will say “I won” or “I fought so and so.” It’s like guys who are really into football and say “We got a good win today.” Except for instead of 22 men kick a ball around you’re strapping knives to the feet of chicken. Also like in football gambling is a major central part of cockfighting but it’s not exactly the point.

The point is, according to Geertz, to play out social tensions. So for example, in Bali you never bet against a cock from your social group and fighting always between rival groups. Therefore, what’s really at stake is each groups status in Bali, the cockfight then is a symbolic representation of social tensions. The fight is really a way of addressing fights between groups without bloodshed…well except chicken blood. Or to put it the way Geertz does the fights are a way to play with fire without getting burned.

It reminds me of clowning in Native American communities. In pueblo villages a secret society of clowns spend all year examining the social weak points of the community. Then for a day they are unleashed to overturn social convention. They steal babies, they dress the most beautiful girl in the village in ugly clothes, whilst the woo old women, if they see white people they are forced into mock gun fights re-enacting the genocide of native Americans. And at the end of the day all the things that have been bothering people are dealt with. Which might decontextualise the mocking boy right? Maybe not so much of an asshole.

Now that’s an example from half way around the world, in a totally different social context. But I don’t think Geertz would have minded the comparison. I know we’re jumping around but bear with me. In Geertz’s book “Islam observed” he compares Moroccan and Indonesian Islam. He says that different social conditions led to the religion being expressed in different ways. We won’t get into the details but by arguing this we’d assume that Geertz agrees with Asad - that Islam, and in fact all religion, is about personal embodiment or in other words, an individuals relationship with God or whatever. Remember what he said about culture “Man is an animal suspended in webs of significance he himself has spun.” But no that’s not what he concludes. He says that there is one Islam which is a symbol all Muslims have in common which helps to “render the strange familiar, the paradoxical logical, the anomalous, given recognised, if eccentric, ways of Allah, natural.” On the sliding scale of Gellner to Asad Geertz falls somewhere in the middle.

That’s how Geertz wanted us to read culture, symbolically, like it is literature. Memories are fallible, facts are elusive, generalisations have limited value. Meaning is central, description takes priority over explanation and metaphors of culture over reliable data.

(fade in on some sad music)

So what does the absence of Hildred symbolise. Maybe the erasure of women from my memory, and Geertz’s descriptions is symbolic of the erasure women in American and British Society? And what about the other absences in Geertz’s work? Laura Nader points out “Geertz went to Indonesia as part of a modernisation project to fight communism.” That’s absent from all the texts I mentioned.

Nader again “In his summary statement about the 1966 massacres in Pare (A town in Java Indonesia) he says that by 1986 the massacres were “hardly a memory at all.” Geertz may advocate a humanistic, reflexive, situated knowledge, but does he possess it himself?”

I see flashes of myself there. My students, Susan telling me that I shouldn’t be doing what I am doing but me ignoring it because it interfered with what I wanted to do.  Which of the winking boys does that make me?

(Pause)

I think it makes me the one who knows the joke about the boy with a twitch is mean, so doesn’t laugh but winks at the mocker, to let him know he still thinks it’s funny. By failing to confront the parts of Malinowski and EP and Gellner that I didn’t like or made me uncomfortable, I was giving them my tacit approval to imperialist ways of thinking. The absence of female ethnographers and my constant ignoring of Susan betrayed my patriarchal biases. I guess it just seemed right to slow down and think about that today. Here’s the extract.

(Fade into theme music)

Monologues are of little value here because there are no conclusions to be reported. There is merely a discussion to be sustained. In so far as the essays here collected have any importance. It is less in what they say than what they are witness too. An enormous increase in interest not only in anthropology but social studies in general and the role of symbols in cultural analysis. The danger that cultural analysis in search of all to deep lying turtles will lose touch with hard surfaces of life, the political economic realities in which men are elsewhere contained and with the biological and physical necessities those surfaces rest is an ever present one. In defence against it is to train such analysis on such realities and necessities in the first place. It is thus that I have written about nationalism, violence, identity, human nature, legitimacy, revolution, ethnicity, urbanisation, status. About death, about time and most of all particular attempts by particular people to place these things in some kind of comprehensible meaningful frame. To look at the symbolic aspects of life, art, religion, science law, morality, common sense. Is not to turn away from the existential it is to plunge into the midst of them. The essential vocation of interpretive anthropology is not to answer our deepest questions but to make available to us the answers of others guarding other sheep in other valleys and thus to include them in the consultable record of what man has said. 

Thank you for listening to notes from the field desk. Follow us on twitter and Instagram @notesfromtfd This episode references;

Geertz, Clifford - notes from a balinese cockfight

Geertz, Clifford - The interpretation of Cultures

Geertz, Clifford - Islam observed

Nader, Laura - review of after the fact by clifford geertz

And comedian Stewart Lee in conversation at oxford Brookes University

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-2rVyizLt8&t=2705s

The sounds were;

Madam Wahala Beat by Nana Kwabena

Something is Going On by Godmode

Decision by the tower of light

and June songbirds You can find these sounds on youtube creator sounds.

As always our theme music was dark side of my students. freesound.org/people/miastodzwiekow/sounds/341770/

[crystalline-magic]

Whispering Will-O-Whisp, and why you should avoid them

There’s a new spirit shop in town, calling themselves Whispering Will O Whisp, and while I’m typically a very patient person who despises public call outs, all other attempts at direct and open communication have failed, the owner Tara has made every effort to erase any trace of people disagreeing with her, and has made a very open and direct attack on my person, so I’ve run out of reasons not to bite back. 

This will be a long post but the tl;dr is: All of their spirit bios are plagiarized, Tara attempts to cover up any evidence of people disagreeing with her, wishes non consenting parties “blessed be” despite knowing they are uncomfortable with it, attempted to deliberately trigger a trans person’s dysphoria as retaliation for disagreeing with her, and frankly, doesn’t have the skills necessary to run a spirit shop.

The shop is run by three people, Tara @tara-quartz-keeper, Freya @itslikelymagick​, and one other who either does not have a tumblr or whose url I do not know. It can be found here. 

I became aware of this shop through a few friends and figured, hey, they’re new and their prices are low, I’ll order an RA through them, maybe leave them a positive review and help out another new shop. I was so wrong. Not long after putting in my application for the RA I received an email with the information on a spirit to either approve or disapprove. This was all fine and dandy, but the spirit type was a rather obscure one I’d never come across before, so I decided to give it a google, and see what I could find. And when I did, I noticed their description was plagiarized from Creepy Hollows  

link

All of their spirit species posts are also plagiarized as well

link

link

link

I have since notified Creepy Hollows of the plagiarism.

I was also invited to join a social media site, Amino, and a group run by Tara. I figured why not, I may as well. Immediately upon joining I was bombarded by “blessed be” in the welcome message, the guidelines. I immediately went into the “questions” chat of the group, and requested that they be removed because it both made me uncomfortable and triggered my dysphoria, but I didn’t assume any foul play. Most don’t know that its origins are in a fertility ritual that involves blessing the recipients genitals, or that there are people uncomfortable with being blessed. She immediately refused and went on the defensive, but I didn’t screenshot any of this exchange, believing it to be a simple case of misinformation. I later made a post worded in a non confrontational way, meant to give information on why I was uncomfortable and found it rude that she continued to force the phrase on others. This led to the following interaction, in which my post was deleted and I confronted Tara about it.

All of this has since been deleted and I was banned from the group. She intentionally triggered a trans person’s dysphoria, blatantly ignored several people’s boundaries and continued to do things that made them uncomfortable, and became the exact thing she was claiming be be against, a bully. She covers up any incriminating evidence, and tried to turn herself into the victim of a situation. 

Here’s some screenshots from another person where Tara claims she “””forgot””” that I was not okay with being told “blessed be”... in a conversation about me being not okay with “blessed be.” Note that she also misgenders me.

In addition, Tara contacted another shop, @lostspiritsadoptioncenter for a Therapy Thoughtform for a spirit already posted to their website, Light. Light’s post has since been taken down, so I only have some of her post from their site, but I received an email from them with Light’s information before she was added to the shop. 

As you can see, Light is mute. Here is what Tara sent LSAC:

This raises several concerns. 

1) Tara did not ask LSAC if they were alright with a TT being adopted out with a spirit. They expected that LSAC would be willing to let her benefit from their work, likely without credit, as she has proven she is prone to.

2) Tara was either unable or unwilling to do the work herself. If Light needed a TT, Tara should have done the work herself before posting Light for adoption. Either she was to lazy to be responsible enough to do so, or she was unable to do so, both of which show she is unfit to run a shop.

3) Tara is incapable of communicating with spirits telepathically. Most feline spirits have mouths incapable of human speech anyway, and requite telepathic communication to talk to. The fact that Light being without her tongue proves she is incapable of getting more than “pictures and colors” from telepathic communication. She is, again, unfit to own a shop.

I advise everyone to avoid this shop, the owners have shown that they clearly do not care about others, they are aggressive, cruel, clearly incompetent, have no problem stealing content, and do not deserve your business.

[shuheiohmori]

Final Draft

Introduction part [hook to grab audience attention]

How much do you know about Hinduism? When you hear the term, Hinduism, what images do you have in mind?

India? [picture of the map], The Khajuraho Temples? [Picture of temple], or Pornographic arts we covered in class? [picture of the architecture and statues we had in class]

Hinduism and its’ influence are diverse. Without understanding of its culture and the religious context, it is difficult to analyse my object of desire.

 Section 1: Describe the object

My object of desire is Ramdao sword. It has a strong connection with Hinduism, especially the goddess Kali. [picture of Ramdao]

This particular sword is considered being made in the 19th century in Nepal, brought by a man called Mr. Wilfred CM Dodds. The sword is 830mm in length, 85mm in width and 40mm in depth.

This is a long steel sword with a slightly curved blade. There are floral and geometric motifs onto the blade, and , there is an eye-shaped decoration at the tip of the blade. All the decorations are comprised in copper. The other side of the blade also has the same design. [details photos of ramdao]

The Ramdao is usually used in a sacrifice occasion in Hindu culture. The ban of animal sacrifice was announced in 2015 in Nepal, however, as BBC reports, people have faith in tradition still visit the temples with their offerings and asked to continue the sacrifice. Animal rights movements claim to end the animal sacrifice; however, the people in faith still want to keep the tradition as it was. Finding compromising point for this topic is very difficult at this point in time, and more discussions are surely needed.

Before we immense ourselves to the world of ramdao, I’d like to explore with you about the world of Hinduism and its goddesses, mainly focus on the Goddess Kali [picture of Goddess Kali], which is a wrath form of Goddess Durga. [DUROM.U10346.54]

These backgrounds give us some clues to unpack the ramdao sword. Plus helps to answer questions such as

In what context this ramdao sword is forged?

What do the symbolic decorations on the ramdao mean?

Section 3: About Hinduism

Unlike Christianity, Hinduism does not have a single founder of the world and/or Universe. 

The origin of Hinduism can be traced back to the two mainstreams.

Firstly, the sacred Snaskrit literature of the Aryans, the Vedas (literally means “kowledge”) Vedas is a collection of hymns in praise of deities who were often personification of the natural elements. [photo of vedas]

Secondarily, Hinduism strands drew on the beliefs prevalent among groups of indigenous people.

For example, the Goddess Kali, which this podcast will describe later is regarded as faith in power of the mother goddess and in the efficacy of fertility symbols [video of people praising Goddess Kali]

Hinduism emerged at about the start of the Christian era, with an emphasis on the supremacy of the god Vishnu [DUROM.U10346.58], the god Shiva [DUROM.U10346.38], and the goddess shakti (literally, “Power”)

In the perspective of Hinduism, there are four destinations of life. Those are Dharma (eternal law of universe and duties of life), Artha (righteous living), Kama (wealth acquired through the pursuit of a profession/human and sexual love) and Moksha (the spiritual salvation). [picture of four elements]

There are three most significant deities in Hinduism, Goddess Shakti (literally means ‘power’) [picture], The God Shiva [picture], and the God Vishnu [picture].

Then, what is Goddess Durga [picture], who created Goddess Kali? [DUROM.U10346.48]

Goddess Durga was created by Goddess Shiva and Vishnu in order to combat demons who threaten the stability of the cosmos. The famous fight in relation to Goddess Durga is the one against Mahisa, the buffalo demon. Goddess Durga often creates female helpers, and the most well-known one is Goddess Kali.

Section 4: about Kali

The Goddess Kali, literally means “the black one”, was born of the wrath of Durga. Kali is mainly represented as a God of anger, and worshiped as the most bloodthirsty member of the Hindu pantheon. Additionally, people also worship Kali as the most life affirming goddess.

It is interesting that Goddess Kali plays two roles which seems opposite, life (as a all loving mother) and death (as a destroyer).

Here, I would suggest there is a similarity between Taoism’s notion of Tao and Kali.

I will introduce the critical perspectives in relation to the link between the geometric motifs on the blade of ramdao and Taoism. Highlighting the similar philosophy of Goddess Kali and Taoism’s ‘Female Valley’.

Misconception of sacrifice by West in the nineteenth century

However, it is true that some misunderstanding towards Goddess Kali were made in the nineteenth century, the first encounter with Kali and the West.

According to the western perspective, she was the most ‘immoral’ figure. The reason why they thought Kali was immoral were; i) the misconception of the link of Kali and Indian assassin groups, ii) the ritualistic slaughter of animals (goats, buffaloes).

In fact, Caleb Wright publishes a book entitled ‘Lectures on India’ , which has a chapter called ‘Description of the habits and superstitions of the Thugs’ in 1851. It explains the relationship between Thugs and the Goddess Kali. This book became a best seller in America and Britain. This reinforced the misconception of Goddest Kali in Western society.

Meanings of Sacrifice

However, if you look up Sugirtharajah, one of the sacred documents in Hinduism, Kali is described as an “unconventional mother” who “destroyes as well as creates” and “taks as well as gives life” (Sugirtharajar par. 15). Thus, Kali plays two roles - death and life - from the western perspective, it is often only highlighted the Kali’s death role and rarely paid attention to Kali’s mothership. I think this is because the different perception of the notion of death in East and West. The notion of death is associated with birth in Eastern thinkers, especailly Laozi. In chapter 6 of Taonism is stating  

【谷神不死，是謂玄牝。玄牝之門，是謂天地根。綿綿若存，用之不勤。】. If we translate this in English it would be;

“The valley spirit never dies. It is called the mystical female. The entrance to the mystical female. Is called the root of Heaven and Earth. Though gossamer, As if barely existing, It is used but never spent.”

In here,  玄牝之門 means female Vagina,  根 means both male and female genital, the place everything is originated from. The word  牝 means female genital and female erotic power that produces all. Adding to that, the pronounciation of  牝 [produced from female vagina] and 死 [death] is similar, therefore, it is thought that Laozi intentionally used this character to imply the closeness of life and death. Meaning that, human life was thought as a circle, not liner. Someone’s death can be a someone’s starting point of life. The notion of the circle of life can be seen in East. This logic definitely applies to Kali.  

If you look at Kali’s painting above [DUROM.U10346.31], we can notice the circle is repeatedly illustrated. For instance, you can see the huge circle with green leaves on the back, and Kali wears a gold and bejewelled crown, necklace, bracelets, armlets, anklets and rings. Especially, spotted on Kali’s nacklace, which is made by sacrificed dead men’s heads, it is obiously suggesting that the men’s sacrifice which means death, but if you think about the context (below) of this picture, it can be said the men’s death and sacrifice empowers Kali.

Therefore, as discussed, Kali was all-loving mother, and it would be suitable to summarise the word, Tao.

Animal sacrifice during worship are thought to have been liberated instantly from the painful cycle of rebirth to which Hindus believe all living creatures are bound. The sacrifices are intended to nourish the goddess and to secure from her the blessings of life. Here, notice how death makes the cycle of life.

This meaning of sacrifice reflects upon the geometric motifs of Ramdao including Lotus flower in the middle very efficiently.

Section 5: About Ramdao’s symbol

Geometric motifs of Ramdao: lotus flower signifies the tantric tongue. Lotus have been used to emblematise the female vagina traditionally in Buddhist and Hindu context.

  Ramdao is a top-heavy sword which was used to decapitate sacrificial buffalo in commemoration of the slaying of the buffalo demon, Mahisha, by Kali’s progenitor, Durga.

The eye engraved on the blade signifies the presence of the goddess as she watches over the sacrifice.

The hump-like projection above the eye on the back edge of the ramdao represents the tasselled hat of the defeated buffalo demon.

The hat is sometimes also seen in paintings of Durga, floating above her head as she battles demon armies, as a symbol of her victory over Mahisha. [picture]

Future image of Kali in the different field

In the field of Western feminism groups employ Kali as an icon of feminism movement. As well as some Eastern feminism groups are regarding Kali in a same way. However, in Nepal and Bengali, Kali is worshipped very importantly as a Goddess which brings all love. Giving meanings to the Goddess Kali in response to the society’s need has not yet changed since the nineteenth century when Celeb Writer first called Kali as the most immoral goddess. Through the analysis of Kali and Ramdao, I have fallen into the huge question, which I never stop thinking. Moreover, there are more unproven evidence on this ramdao, since the collector, Dodds, did not leave any notes about this. It has no ends. This ramdao is endlessly talking to me and this voice will never be ceased.

[wakingdreamland]

Nerdy Writer Seeks Nerdy Work

Hello! Need things written? I’m willing to trade words for money!

If what you’re looking for isn’t listed, drop me a line through Tumblr or at wakingdreamland@gmail.com and tell me what you want written so we can see if it can be worked out.

I’m building up sample references, so some categories have links to examples. Characters depicted are the property of their owners, and everything else is mine.

Pricing: For writing, I charge by word-count; $10 per 1000 words. For proof-reading or any game setting that requires research, there will be a charge of $7 per hour of research required.

Fantasy settings for games – These can be as simple as intricate descriptions of areas to paint a picture for your gaming group, or as complex as full world-building with NPCs and story-seeds. Customized modules designed for your gamers can be written for your group’s specific needs. If you just want NPCs generated to populate your world, I can do any of the World of Darkness games, Dungeons and Dragons (or similar fantasy RPGs) from 2nd Edition through 5E, and I’d also be willing to tackle settings for Warhammer 40k, Wheel of Time, Dragonriders of Pern, Heralds of Valdemar, Call of Cthulu, and Shadowrun.

Character Bios – I can write up descriptions with little plot or first-meeting hooks thrown in for your RPG character, to link on forums or include on Role-Playing mods in-game. These can be as simple or elaborate as you like. I can also write up exceedingly detailed character descriptions and package them with fair-use body reference images for you to refer commissioned artists to.

Sample!

Stories – Because that’s a huge part of what writing is about! My genres of choice are fantasy, science fiction, horror, and supernatural romance*. I am rarely comfortable writing for canon characters, though depending on the scenario, I might consider it, but I’m happy to write stories in a specific setting. Any of the settings listed above can be available, and if what you want isn’t listed, let me know and we’ll see what I can do. Have a character without a background? I can write those! Simple or elaborate, I can give your character a story to match their sheet, theme, or setting.

Character Background Questionnaire! (Which I will have clients fill out as best they can to start the background story process.)

Writing 101 – Having trouble with an essay? With a look at the syllabus and the instructions from the teacher, I can write up a sample of what they’ll be looking for, and even break it down so you can see all the steps, complete with non-internet references. (I cannot promise to do this with every possible topic out there; this can only be offered on a case-by-case basis.)

Argumentative Essay Sample!

Proofreading – I know there are a lot of writers out there. For classes, for fun, for work, for friends; there are just gigantic heaps of writing waiting to be read. I can proofread your material for clarity, grammar, and punctuation, and help with MLA and APA source citation for just about any topic. I’m also happy to add critiques and suggestions. Pricing will be $7 per hour spent on the project.

You can also buy me a coffee – or copious amounts of Mt. Dew, really.

Payments will be accepted through PayPal.  PayPal.Me/wakingdreamland

*Because “romance” is often code for “erotica”, I feel the need to include a list. Please, only 18+.

Smut is a possibility, either by itself or as part of a larger story, but there are things I won’t write.

Anything with children. Or characters that look or act like children. Anything that has a “child-like” vibe is a hard No.

Gore/Vore/Scat. Just... No.

Trans characters. I have absolutely no frame of reference for genuine Trans characters and I wouldn’t want to fuck them up in my ignorance. Magical dick-girl who got a genital swap thanks to a spell? Fine. Actual person who has struggled with their own identity and the judgment of others for the majority of their lives? Sorry, I can’t do that properly.

Blood-relation incest. It just gives me the heebies. Step-cest might be acceptable, on a case-by-case basis.

I reserve the right to decline anything not listed here on the basis of it giving me the heebies.

Things I can write!

Rape, but this will require a good deal of discussion through the writing process. I can write it, but I’ll only do so on a case-by-case basis, and only as part of a larger story, not just a rape scene by itself.

BDSM. I actually enjoy writing this, so if that’s your jam, you’ve come to the right place.

Furry/Anthro. I’m perfectly comfortable with writing intelligent “beasts”, whatever the form.

Mind-Control. Or other means of dub-con. Like rape, this is also a case-by-case basis and will require some discussion.

Monsters/Tentacles/Etc. With the “etc.” this can also be under a case-by-case basis, but I’m open to these sorts of scenes. 

And obviously, anything sexual that most people would call “normal”.

Please, only 18+ for smut writing requests.

[queercondensed]

[Image Description: a one-page document formatted so both sides are visible as two pages. It is titled “DypsohiAid Packing Sheet v1.0″ and is all black text on a white background. The full text can be read under the readmore of this post.]

Packing Guide v1.0

This is the second guide I’ve developed for DysphoriAid, a project meant to create simple and printable guides for transgender people on the topic of dysphoria-relieving items. This packing guide includes basics, where to buy packers, making your own, Do’s and Don’ts, and additional information. It was developed with the help of a coworker and friend Richard Cole.

Click here to find the link to download the most recent version of this resource and the other documents Queer Condensed has to offer.

As always, the original files may be requested for modification via an ask to this blog. If you download, please reblog!

The text can be read below the readmore, formatted in the intended reading order.

First / Front Page

DysphoriAid Packer Sheet Online v1.0

Trusted Companies - Make Your Own - Do’s and Don’ts - Further Info

The Basics, What to Keep in Mind, and Where to Buy

A packer is an item used to replicate a bulge and occasionally other features associated with having a penis for those born without one. There are multiple reasons why someone would choose to pack, including lessening dysphoria, improving body image, and increasing personal safety in public places and for people who are expected to “pass” as a non-transgender man. Making the choice to pack can be very personal and not everyone who “could” pack will or wants to. Discomfort with or a lack of a need to pack doesn’t make anyone any less transgender or nonbinary, nor does packing make anyone more transgender or nonbinary.

The decision to pack starts with the decision of one’s price range and what one would like from a packer. There are three main times of packers: soft packers, pack n plays (packers that can also be used for sex via an insertable rod), and pack, play, and pees (packers that can be used for both sex and for peeing in a standing position). Usually, the ones with more uses are more expensive. Packers come in many different materials, sizes, and colors as well. Packers made from porous material and can easily soak up bacteria and dirt, which can cause urinary tract infections and skin problems, but can be more comfortable for the wearer. Silicone packers are more durable but still need to be cared for. When it comes to size, bigger is not always better. There are definitely large packers, as there are definitely people with large penises, but smaller packers give a more realistic look and are often more comfortable to wear. Finally, most packer companies offer a range of skin colors, but finding one to match your exact skin tone if desired may make the search for a packer take more time. It is possible to recolor some packers, look for a link in “Additional Information.”

Most people who own packers own a variety of accessories as well. Packers, especially the lower-end ones, do not stay in place well. Harnesses and special underwear can be used to keep them from falling out. Pack and plays cannot be used for the “play” function without a harness. Most packers can be cleaned with soap and water, but some companies and some materials warrant special cleaning solutions. Going to websites listed in the next paragraph and the “Additional Information” section can help you make an informed decision and show you what else you need along with a packer.

If everything written here sounds confusing and convoluted to you, there’s good news - transgender and nonbinary people have been packing for decades and companies are more than willing to help you understand their products. The Tool Shed (toolshedtoys.com) is an LGBT-owned business that focuses on sex positivity and safety and offers a good selection of packers in a clean layout, including the popular first-time-packer line Mr. Limpy / Softie. TranZwear (tranzwear.net) is a transgender-owned business that focuses mostly on packers and packer accessories. A note for TranZwear however: the site may be difficult or impossible to navigate for those with reading or sensory difficulties due to the general uncleanliness of the design. For the extreme end of quality and price, look at the transgender-owned Transthetics (transthetics.com).

Make Your Own / Packing Without a Packer

Sometimes, purchasing a packer is not feasible for any number of reasons. So, here are some alternatives! All the rules to regular packing - found in the “Do’s and Don’ts” section - should be followed even when not wearing an official packer. These methods are often helped by the use of the specialized underwear made for packers.

NOTE: Never ever use tape or adhesive to secure a packer of any type. Surgical glue is used in some cases, but only for prosthetic packers and only by trained medical professionals.

Second / Back Page

Option #2: Fill an unlubricated condom about halfway with some sort of gel, like hair gel, and tie it off tightly at the desired length. Place within another unlubricated condom or two, typing those off as well. Cover with a sock or other sleeve to reduce tugging and catching. Place in a jock strap or tight-fitting underwear. Watch for tearing and leakage, replace often.

Option #1: Roll a pair of socks into itself to create an oval-ish shape, manipulating the socks until a desirable bulge is achieved. Stick the faux-bulge into your underwear, securing it with safety pins if there’s concern of it falling out or losing its shape. Not always realistic-looking, but cheap and easy. Use thin socks to reduce heat.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Packing

Do

Wash your packer every day after wearing it with at least soap and water

Try out different placements and ways of securing your packer to find out what fits and feels comfortable

Look at examples of cisgender men and other packing transgender people online for placement reference, like underwear models

Listen to your body and make sure your packer isn’t overheating or hurting your genital region

Replace your packer if it becomes damaged, worn out, or cannot be cleaned properly

Look up reviews and videos on packing and specific packers and accessories before buying

Dust non-hommade packers with cornstarch before wearing to lessen the dirt and hair they pick up

Experiment if resources permit you to

Don’t

Leave your packer in a damp area or where bacteria is likely to flourish

Expect other transgender people to always feel comfortable talking about their packing experiences

Place tape or adhesive anywhere near your genital area

Trade your packers with other transgender people, especially if they are pack and plays or pack, play, and pees.

Feel discouraged if a popular packer isn’t right for you

Boil silicone / cyberskin / thermal gel packers, as they will melt

Ignore the directions of the manufacturer or seller - they know best!

Use non-skin-safe cleaning materials on your packer

Force yourself to pack even if you identify as a trans male or trans masculine

Additional Information

Online*:

A Guide to Packers for Transmen (http://ftm-guide.com/guide-to-packers-for-transmen/)

Hudson’s FTM Resource Guide (http://www.ftmguide.org/packing.html)

Making your own Stand to Pee (http://www.wikihow.com/Make-an-Easy-StP-(Stand-to-Pee)-Device)

Reviews on packing harnesses (http://transguys.com/features/packing-harness-roundup)

How to recolor your packer (http://toysfortransmen.tumblr.com/post/36054626438/how-to-recoloring-your-packer)

*While this info sheet includes both binary and nonbinary transgender people, a great deal of the online resources available for packing only includes language about transgender men. The information is still good for nonbinary people, but readers should be aware of this. Additionally, online guides and resources often include pictures of packers, many of which are very realistic. Keep this in mind when searching on a non-private computer, browsing in public, or if you are adverse to images of penises.

Footer

DysphoriAid

Updated as of May 18th, 2017

Queer Condensed (QueerCondensed.tumblr.com)

Free for non-commercial use. For editing, contact Queer Condensed for original word document

A huge thank-you to Richard Cole for helping out with the research and links for this information sheet