#dumb words

[azherwind-art]

My girlfriend just told me something with the word "Postman" in it (as in mailman) and I just stood there for a few seconds in absolute confusion on what the hell was a post-man and if it was the opposite of a pre-man

[r3c0v3r3drawrboi97]

i hope my bf still loves me

ik he doesn't like me on tumblr but i need to word vomit

[rasamune]

trees have a secret sugar called spructose

[decayingdebris]

My partners hands are so nice! I just wanna hold them and kiss them and be held in them forever.

🥹🥺🥹🥺

[a-personlol]

Is it a thing for artists to hate drawing or is it just for people who want to be artists but lack the patience or genetics to really get into it because the mere mention of practice brings me misery.

Like I dunno if I don’t like the feel or just hate looking at bad art knowing I, a man who is currently 20, is barely high school level in terms of drawing skill, not to mention there are high schoolers that are fucking millennia beyond me.

Like I feel you’d have to enjoy this shit to really be good at it which sucks because I want to be an artist but the idea of going through all those shit drawings to maybe, possibly be decent and then maybe, possibly get my ideas out there only to either have no one look or have too many fandom whales look and suddenly I’m public enemy number 1 for not drawing what they wanted, they were probably unoriginal and done better before anyway

[mr-malumm]

Caught spying on his hate boyfriend

[phan-meme-trash]

I don’t think Dan’s trying to gaslight us I think he genuinely has the memory of a goldfish. This is just the latest version of him thinking someone else burnt pasta in uni.

[frownyalfred]

in the realm of like, rich kid problems, I want to someday read/write a fic where Nightwing is slowly establishing himself as a full-fledged JL member and everyone is relieved because finally, there's a nice Bat on the Watchtower who doesn't just shoot down their plans and deny their mission requests. but. while Nightwing is kind, and polite, and charming in all the ways the Bat isn't, he's still Dick Grayson. and Dick Grayson grew up as a very rich kid's suddenly very rich kid, which is to say while Bruce might not take it personally, Dick has been fending off people almost his entire life who were trying to use him for his Dad's money. which is to say, I think once Nightwing is on board and the relationship between him and Batman is at least somewhat well-known, there is suddenly a rush of younger, less-experienced members trying to take advantage of Nightwing, mistaking that kindness and openness for willingness to either voluntarily, or involuntarily, infringe upon and cross Batman's clear-cut boundaries. bribing Dick for a better monitor shift with Batman is one thing (it doesn't really work, Dick can't bribe Bruce with much as it is) but trying to convince Nightwing to lie to Batman? to go against him? his dad? the man who pulled him up when he had nothing and gave him meaning again? that man?? and then comes the inevitable, chilling realization, that while Nightwing might wear a different mask, might wear an open smile on the Watchtower and with friends off-shift, there are some lines he won't cross, same as Bruce. he won't, sure as the sun rises and the rot rolls off the Gotham Harbor in the morning.

[taimanzano]

One of one. One, alone, one.

[azherwind-art]

Dnd joke:

What happens when the barbarian runs out of rages?

He's outraged

[forever-plz]

i genuinely feel like sobbing every time they remind me how much they fucking love lesbians fuck my stupid phlesbian life

[shouyuus]

PLEASE elaborate on the version of knight!vi where reader is asking her to show her how “the matters of the bedroom work” PLEASE. you would genuinely have my soul i beg

also adore your fics have the best day!!!

hnnnnghhhh okay okay okay okay i am def gonna write more in the knight!vi universe but like -- +18, mdni, vi-shaped and also very historically inaccurate

knight!vi who gets assigned to be your personal protection by your father, the king, bc he doesn't trust any of the other knights, who are all "young men of a certain elk", and he doesn't think to consider the fact that you might not be interested at all in young men at all, regardless of their "elk".

vi though -- you've always had your eye on her, the way her body is so sculpted, the way that she can keep up with any of the "young men" in question, in the mess hall, drinking and laughing and making dirty jokes. and sure, she tries to be respectful, but you see the way she watches you too, her eyes lingering on the bend of your corseted waist just a beat too long to be totally innocent, the way her eyes go wide when you catch her, the way her cheeks flush and she tries to look like she wasn't just staring every time you meet her gaze.

knight!vi who could swear that you'll be the death of her, with the way you court trouble, and its nearly all she can do to keep you from being discovered by the king, pleading with you when you try to sneak out for the nth time that month, her fingers clasped around your wrist, trying not to think about how soft your skin feels compared to hers.

"oh come now, vi... it's not like i'm doing anything bad..." you say, and the way your voice drags over the word "bad" makes her want to jump into a pit of venomous snakes -- it'd be less perilous than the traitorous thundering of her heart, or the way her stomach clenches at the sensual sweep of your lashes as you bat your lids at her.

"princess," she says, trying to keep the exasperation out of her voice, "you know the king --"

"what my father --" you say, raising your voice slightly as you flounce back to your mirror and resume brushing out your hair, "doesn't know won't hurt him," you finish, resolutely setting down your gem-encrusted brush. it's a beautiful thing, glittering in the flickering candle-light. vi's eyes linger on it, wondering how many families it could feed for the winter if it were sold at market.

she swallows around a soft sigh.

you shoot her a triumphant little grin, knowing you've won.

"so -- are you coming, or not?"

knight!vi who starts to relax around you after a while, who tells herself that it's harmless, the charming banter, the careless little quips, the way you lean into her touch for comfort -- she tells herself that she's just upholding her sacred oath -- she is duty bound to protect you, to do well by you, and to keep your best interests at heart. and isn't that what she's doing? and if that includes offering you a hand to hold when you need it, a shoulder to cry on when you're frustrated with your father's growing impatience for you to marry then --

so be it.

knight!vi who overhears you one night, your pitched whimpers and bitten-off moans almost unmistakable (because she'd be lying if she hadn't found herself imagining what you must sound like); she moves as if in slow motion, her limbs shifting without much thought from her -- she watches herself almost from outside of herself as she pushes into your chambers and finds you -- your skin glistening in the dim candle-light, one of your hand fisted in the silken sheets of your bed, the other shoved between your thighs, your hips rocking down --

"princess --?" her voice comes out hoarse, and you gasp, scrambling back up the bed, eyes wide, but the moment you see her, you swallow, letting out a tiny whine.

"v-vi --"

vi nearly crumples, her knees going weak (what she wouldn't do to hear you moan her name like that again, and again, to be the one kissing it from your lips, to work you open over her fingers till her name is the only one you can remember --)

"oh -- fuck -- apologies, princess -- i -- i didn't mean --" she tries to spin around, her cheeks burning as she realizes what she's doing, what she'd walked in on.

you clear your throat delicately; there's a soft shuffling of sheets.

"i -- well, there's no use being coy about it now, i suppose..." you say, your voice flippant, though vi can hear the subtle shake beneath your words. she squeezes her eyes shut once and takes a breath.

"no, princess -- it was inappropriate of me to -- interrupt --" she turns and drops to one knee, her head lowered.

"oh stop it --" you huff, and you sound so petulant that she looks up, only to find you sitting up, your hair a mermaid tangle falling over your shoulders, your skin glistening in the dim half-light. you look nothing short of ethereal.

"princess..."

you bite your lips, looking suddenly bashful, glancing at her before your eyes fall back onto your lap. you start to pick at an invisible loose thread in your silken sheets.

"i -- i thought that since... my father's so dead set on marrying me off... i might as well --" you swallow, waving a flippant hand, though the way your voice trembles leaves vi soft and breathless.

"might as well..." she repeats, letting her voice trail off as she takes a hesitant step forward. you make a face, cheeks burnished beneath the flickering candlelight.

"no one talks to you about this --" you wave your hand again, casting about for the right word, but finding none, you shrug, "stuff."

vi lets out an incredulous laugh, though she manages to pass it off as a cough as you shoot her a half-hearted glare.

"none of your tutors ever..." vi asks.

you roll your eyes, "you really think my royal tutors are going to teach me about the what happens in the marriage chambers?" you slump back into your fortress of pillows, "i know less about sex than the common milkmaid."

vi sighs, carefully perching on the edge of your bed. a part of her is thankful that she'd chosen to forego her heavy armor in favor of a lighter leather tunic. she props her elbows on her knees, legs spread, and tries to think.

"i'm sure it's not as bad as you --"

"how on earth am i to pleasure a -- a man if i can't even pleasure m-myself?" you sound pained, exasperated. vi purses her lips, heat crawling up the back of her neck as a truly terrible idea slithers into her mind. it coils her gut and tangles at her heartstrings. it makes her mouth water and her throat squeeze.

"well --" she says, her words halting, "i don't know much about men..." she keeps her voice as steady as she can, her gaze fixed on a middling point, her entire body angled away from you as if she could will this idea away even as the words tease passed her traitorous lips --

"but i do know a few things about pleasuring women."

knight!vi who no longer wonders if you'll be the end of her because now she knows -- now she knows how you look, your body arched over your silken linens, how you sound when you gasp in pleasure, how your lashes flutter seconds before you come undone around her fingers, your breath heaving from your chest, your eyes unfocused, glazed over with want as your fingers search her out.

"there... easy, princess..." vi soothes as you soften into the tangle of pillows and rucked up sheets.

you let out a breathy little laugh, blowing a strand of hair from your face. you look radiant, spring-kissed and flower-strewn and vi has fought against warriors three times her size but somehow, it's still the hardest thing she's ever done, pulling away from you --

"well," you say, pushing up onto your elbows and cocking your head at her, your doe-eyes dark and wide, "i think that does it."

vi frowns, watching you. you offer her a corner of your bedsheets to wipe her fingers, she stares for a whole three seconds before she realizes what you're doing and hastily shakes her head. you flash her a lopsided little grin before dropping it.

"that does... what, exactly?" she's almost afraid to ask, and under any other circumstance, she might've been stripped of her rank for speaking so informally to you, but given that it isn't under any other circumstance (and she's still got your juices dripping down her wrist) --

"i shall tell my father that i no longer wish to be wed."

"what?" vi gapes.

you tug down your nightgown with neat, prim little movements, tucking your feet underneath you as if your thighs hadn't been wrapped around her forearm just minutes ago.

"you've proven to me something that i've suspected for a long while but --" you sigh, reaching for your water glass. vi makes a short, abortive movement towards it before thinking the better of it and keeping still. you take a small, contemplative sip of water, "well, it's not exactly orthodox, but there's no use lying to papa about it."

vi frowns, her heartbeat quickening in her chest as she blinks at you.

"which is...?" she hedges.

you stare at her, almost expectant as you flutter your fingers through the air.

"that i could never be satisfied by a man, because... i simply don't seem inclined towards them that way."

vi licks at her suddenly very dry lips.

"highness, i'm not certain that's how political marriages work."

you roll your eyes, "oh highness, now, am i?"

vi flushes, her eyes downcast.

you scoff, "no, i'm perfectly well aware of how political marriages work, my most loyal knight," you tick your tongue over her title and she almost winces, but she glances up to find you grinning, that self-same lopsided little thing, sharp as daggers, sharp as the first thin crescent of a waxing moon.

"but. i refuse to be married to someone a don't love, and seeing as i could never love a man, i'm afraid the only answer is for me to never be wed."

again, vi frowns. "but... the throne --"

"will come to me when my father dies."

"no woman's ever ruled without anyone by her side before."

your grin stretches and stretches, and for the first time in a long while, vi remembers that you are most definitely your father's daughter.

"i never said i'd be alone."

vi gulps, "then... who'll you have?"

you flick a strand of hair from your bare, light-kissed shoulder.

"i'll have you."

[unaskedformagnustheories]

(departure from my usual content, apologies for the self-indulgence)

SPOILERS FOR THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES - SEASON FINALE Lyrics under the cut:

Find a Leitner when you’re eight  Take a job at a spooky place Start smoking again way too late Run back toward the worms to grab a tape Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Spun by the eye-eye-eye So many dumb ways to die Wander tunnels after dark Chop a fractal table into parts Let yourself be framed Shake the hand of an angry living flame Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Spun by the eye-eye-eye So many dumb ways to die Don’t let Michael Crew be polite Find yourself facing Daisy’s knife Get skincare advice from a plastic face Decide Distortion is a good escape Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Spun by the eye-eye-eye So many dumb ways to die Steal a ghost from the hunter’s den Bring a bunch of C4 to The Stranger’s dance Let a man dig in your chest You know, who said you need all your ribs?  Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Spun by the eye-eye-eye-eye So many dumb ways to die Walk into a coffin to save someone Look into the heart of a blackened sun Gouge out your eyes in a half-baked flight plan Step into the Lonely cuz it’s taken your man And when it all comes down the that last ending At Martin’s hand, it’s quite possibly The roughest way to die The roughest way die Roughest way to die-ie-ie-ie So many dumb- So many dumb ways to die Be safe around webs. A message from the Archives.

[a-personlol]

I find it really sad that people are defending the skullgirls censorship stuff when it’s basically just a way to make the game more fit for big esports tournaments

Like it’s literally sacrificing artistic freedom for marketability

[rasamune]

Spaghetti code is just computer’s way of trying to be tasty. If you see a block of code and you don’t like it, don’t look at it. It’s as simple as that!

[sugusatodyke]

Big fan of scary and intimidating femmes turning into big crybabies when they get fucked by their butch! Poor femme getting so strapdrunk they can only reply with the words "Mhm," "more," or "please" because they're too stupid to speak without wailing or whining. They don't trust themselves to form words because they know they'll sound like a dumb, needy mess, and their butch will make fun of them and mock them and call them a stupid girl! The poor femme wouldn't even be able to defend themselves, and they'd have to agree that they are a stupid girl!!