#dymocksreadingchallenge

[booksandwords]

Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann

Read time: 2 Days Rating: 5/5

The quote: "I use Tumblr, which is probably the best support system for me right now. I mean, it's a super garbage fire of discourse sometimes, but really, we all just hyper-love everyone and everything and want our ships to sail, regardless of canon or what anyone else thinks. And there'll be posts with literally thousands of notes that'll make the rounds saying things like, 'If you're Black and ace, you're valid and I love you.,' which is really nice to read when you're not expecting it. You know the saying, 'love is love,' right? I've heard it thousands of times, but I've learned it, internalized it, because of the blogs I follow on Tumblr." — Alice

I'm on an aspec binge apparently. Two of my three of most recent books feature asexuality prominently, as does my next one. Anywho this one has been on my tbr for far too long, that is the prompt it's filling on my Dymocks Reading Challenge List. Quick review because I am so backlogged on reviews right now. To start with it is worth reading, especially for ace people.

I enjoyed Let's Talk About Love is uses friendship well, in that way that friendship is so, so messy. There is perfect ignorance of asexuality and the truth of it. Or at least the truth of Alice's experience. Alice biromantic (as with Upside Down that dual label is unusual) and maybe most importantly Alice is African American. Alice is fun and funny. Her personality is perfect for this kind of story. She will make you laugh and you will feel her pain. Love interest Takumi is a lot for the reader to deal with, because we see him through Alice's eyes. We never see him objectively. That said he's my type anyway nerdy, cute and charming as hell. His reaction to Alice and her truth is while not natural almost understandable given the lack of education on asexuality in the broader community (even among young people), that lack of education is part of the point. One of the things that Claire Kann wants to improve.

If I have any complaints about Let's Talk About Love it's that the ending feels a little bit rushed. It feels kinda like a few more pages would have made for a more comfortable resolution to Alice's relationships with Feenie and Takumi. There is something about Alice's narrative style. It feels like she is talking, not to the reader, to a friend. It's written with lots of brackets adding comments. The story does ultimately leave a lot of questions about Takumi's background and especially his family though in some ways this does fit due to his reluctance to talk about them. The twins, Megumi and Mayumi, are fecking adorable though. I'm not entirely sure who the intended audience is but it does feel like it suits the aces of all ages that came to terms with their sexuality on tumblr. There are quite a few of us, many of us older, many of us learning about our sexuality through the internet because there is little to no local support or queer education in high schools.

I do still have some quotes to add. Beware most of these are from the second half of the book.

"Calm down. What happened?" "I just wanted to wear a cute costume, you know? And everything was great, but Feenie and Ryan left me and boys are awful when they're drunk and I can't even get drunk to drown my disappointed sorrows because Jesus knows it's not safe in there. And I'm just so "I just wanted to wear a cute costume, you know? And everything was great, but Feenie and Ryan left me and boys are awful when they're drunk and I can't even get drunk to drown my disappointed sorrows because Jesus knows it's not safe in there. And I'm just so mad I could spit." — This quote and the scene it comes from are so much to read. They are confronting in a way that is relatable for all women. I quite like it though. (Takumi and Alice, p.119-20)

"Can you sing? Because that sounds like something a siren would say. Warn me before you sing me to my death so your conscience can be clear." — I think that line may almost be on par with a fallen angel line for pick up lines. Though at least this is somewhat cerebral. (Takumi, p.223)

"Before, you said 'bisexual minus the sexual' but didn't add in a substitute. If you don't care about sex, what do care about?" — I like Alice's description of her sexuality. It is so simple but so accessible for those who aren't fluent in the ace world but at least know the queer basics. (Takumi, p.236)

"Sex is too much a part of everything, and I don't think it's reasonable to tell my partner I don't ever want to sleep with them and expect them to stick around. I'm not saying they wouldn't agree. I personally am not okay with asking. And I'm not saying I wouldn't want to try again someday, but I don't want them to have the expectation that I will. It has to be my choice and a lot of people don't respect that." — Alice

[ktienh]

📘 Monuments 🖋️ Will Kostakis ➡️ Synopsis 🧡💚💜1/2 I found this novel to be a strange but intriguing premise. I mean it is set in Australia and when I look at the cover, it has somewhat Greek overtone (the statues and Greek pillars etc). I guess it was just a bit jarring however I note author's Greek descents and his tendency to write in with his culture background. As I have seen him at events and have also followed him on social media, I feel strongly that he was writing himself into this story. That this is one of those "book-I-wished-I-had-when-I-was-a-teen" for him; the protagonist called himself "super gay" and another character also regrets that he didn't come out earlier. An easily likeable protagonist despite the slightly sad start for him but it is a novel full of adventure and growth. The prose is very lighthearted and quite humourous at parts however I'm just not a fan. It made an easy and fast read but it just didn't really "call" to me. I did like the plot & twists at the end though as with time travel in play, things get a little mind bending. PS: I wanted to say thanks for the buddy read @Seventyeight.Sundays but you haven't even finished reading!! Hurry it up, yo 😅😆😜 🏷 #monuments #willkostakis #ya #youngadult #fantasy #humour #booksandbreakfast #booksandfood #booksandtea #aussieauthor #lgbtqia #dymocksreadingchallenge #bookstalife #bookstagram #bookstagrammer #ausbookstagrammer #booklover #booksta #igreads #lovetoread #eclecticreader #bookishfeatures #aussiebookstagrammers #readersofinstagram #bookreview #bookphoto #bookish #booklife #booksofinstagram #eclecticreader https://www.instagram.com/p/Cp3fWI3yzcy/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[arisanareads]

For anyone that wants to tackle the #YearLongReadingChallenge @dymocksbooks have put on this challenge and some of the items in the list are uniquely #Australian Feel free to give it a go. You have 12 months to complete it! #DymocksReadingChallenge #2020ReadingChallenge #ReadAustralian #booklover #booksaddict #booklife #books #readingaddict https://www.instagram.com/p/B7DZT2MB6k0/?igshid=felesc3nrgkr

[booksandwords]

Upside Down by N.R. Walker

Read time: 3 Days Rating: 5/5

The quote: "All I want really big and rock-hard on a guy is his IQ, and what I consider to be hardcore porn is a picture of a guy reading a book with a hard cover. Soft-core porn is a paperback, and browsing Amazon is my version of PornHub, okay?" — Jordan O’Neill

Warnings: homophobia, acephobia, debatably sexual assault (main character, past relationship)

Most of this review is just my fave quotes from the book. 🥰 It is a joy when one of your favourite writers writes about your people, and these really are my people. Importantly for that, I guess, this is set in Australia, using our language though not to the extent that it would be illegible to others. It is worth noting that Hennessey and Jordan both have darkness in their pasts pertaining to previous romantic relationships, family and their dual asexual and gay identities. So warnings for homophobia, acephobia, debatably sexual assault. Look he claims it was consensual, but it was far from enthusiastic consent and it upset me, as was the point.

One of the two protagonists, Jordan, feels like me or eerily similar to me in training. Jordan O'Neill is a librarian who works in the stunning Surry Hills Library in Sydney's inner suburbs, he comes across as slightly clumsy, swears A LOT and most importantly he's a baby ace. He's at first trying to figure out if he is asexual and if he can be comfortable wearing that label along with his others (including gay) then he starts trying to reconcile his attraction to Hennessy with his ace-ness. You cannot read this if you cannot take harsh language. Jordan loves to swear. His favourite word is motherfucker. There is the rather memorable passage "Motherfucker, motherfucker, mother-fucking-fucker. I’m so stupid. I felt awful. My stomach was in knots, my heart was aching, my mind was a motherfucking mess." (Jordan). He swears when he's excited, swears when he's stressed, swears when he's sad. I like it, it suits him, it suits a young Australian. I mean he even swears at work, much to the chagrin of his manager. Jordan is gorgeous, he makes me smile. I love his constant swearing and anxiety. Hennessy is just sweet and knows how to handle Jordan and his anxiety well. Their relationship is just sweet, that soft flirting on a bus and their funny audience. Hennessy Lang is just sweet, known at first as Headphones Guy, then Hennessy the Headphone Guy. Hennessey runs an aspec support group and catches the same bus as Jordan every day. He works as a network security expert, honestly, it sounds kinda fascinating. Hennessey is so self-assured and feels not worldly per se but confident in guiding and helping others on their aspec journey. He's a comfortable character, he feels so different to Jordan while definitely on the same wavelength. But Hennessey doesn't feel as I don't know unique maybe as Jordan, I certainly don't relate to him on the same level. Overall Theirs is a sweet story of coming to terms with yourself, your identity, your limitations and how to be yourself with someone else.

The support cast. The Soup Crew are quite possibly the funniest wider supporting cast I've read in a long time. If they don't make you laugh I'm not sure anything will. Honestly, I think I've almost been those people. Jordan summed them up in one line "So God help me. The Soup Crew really were a bunch of weird and wonderful motherfuckers.". The idea of Hennessy and Jordan's relationship creating friendships among their supporters is a good one. Anyone who catches the same public transport at the same time on a regular basis knows the sensation of hey it's you. And has possibly seen people change over time. I know people watched me grow up when I was catching the bus daily for school. I know this because people commented on it when I was in my final days of year 12 and later 'haven't seen you in a while, how is life post high school', also regular horn honks from bus drivers while I'm walking. Other than them and more important than them in many ways are Merry Jordan's best friend and work colleague, Angus his housemate and Michael Hennessey's friend and colleague. These three all want what is best for their respective person. Even if they have doubts about the other party there is both trust and a want to defend their soft souls. Merry in particular threatens Hennessey with violence more than once if he dares hurt Jordan. Micheal is the poly rep with his wife whom we do meet albeit a little briefly. Angus, Angus is something like a brother to Jordan. But he is very, very odd. He needs to be read to be experienced.

Some of my fave quotes and comments on them

“We see repeatedly, we’re told repeatedly, it’s shown, it’s implied, it’s blatant that sex equals love. That we’re not complete without it. That sexual intimacy is the pinnacle of all relationship goals.” — (Hennessey) This with a tone of slight disappointment, and frustration. But an absolute mood for my aspec sibs. We've all had a moment of exasperation while trying to explain that this whole thing is bullsh*t.

“There’s a difference between normal behaviour and normalised behaviour,” Nataya said. “Normal is subjective. And by whose definition should we fit anyway? Do we take normality from people like my grandma who is horrified by just about everything we see on the internet, or do we take normality from guys who think it’s normal and completely okay to send dick pics to people they’ve never met?” — (Nataya) It is that first line that is critical to real-life and aces know that better than most. But while the first line has the most highlights in the book, I wanted to include the whole thing. The full quote explains the first line.

"I didn’t want to admit the asexual thing to myself for a long time, and I’m thinking it will take some getting used to. Like breaking in a pair of Doc Martens, ya know? Like they’re uncomfortable and tight and basically kill your feet until they’re the most comfortable shoes you’ll ever wear. They become like a second skin, and I’m pretty sure this whole asexual thing will be like that.” He made a thoughtful face. “I like that analogy.” — (Jordan and Hennessey) I too really like this analogy. I've had to come to terms with my aspec identity and all the things it means, more the cultural milestones losses, the broader implications and I have broken in Doc Martens too. Yeah, they kinda feel like the same thing.

And his eyes when I admitted it wasn’t music I was listening to… well, his grey-coloured eyes melted like silver, warm amber with hints of blue and green. And he smelt really good, and his nervous rambling was kinda cute. — (Hennessey) This about Jordan, I mean obvs. It's the description of his eyes they are gorgeous and this is a helluva way to describe them. And Hennessey is the analytical of the two, not the more creative one. Though there is creativity in what looks a lot like white hat hacking when he talks about it.

“Thanks. I like to add a little colour to an otherwise drab uniform.” “It matches, every day,” I said. “Of course it does.” He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, “I’m gay. Of course it fucking matches.” — (Jordan and Hennessey) I unashamedly love Jordan. It's Jordan that adds colour to his uniform every day, brightly coloured scarf and shoes, coordinated perfectly with his jacket. They always match and some of the colours are outrageous. But it was the last line that made me laugh... out loud... on the train.

“Sarcasm is in the self-help section, by the way.” “Self-help?” "Yes, so you can pull your head out of your own arse.” I barked out a laugh. “Are you always so funny?” He shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s a fine line between comedy and horror. It could go either way.” — (Jordan and Hennessey) We do a love library/ Dewey Decimal joke. This is basically

“She’s the best. She knows how to deal with me.” “Which is…?” “Well, that depends. She either tells me to pull my head out of my arse and stop being such a dick, or she talks me back from the ledge. It totally depends on what I need more, which she seems to know better than me. And I work at the library.” — (Jordan and Hennessey) This about Merry. Merry is the best friend Jordan could ask for. We see her build him up, we see her talk him off the ledge and it's her that encourages him to push his limits, push through his discomfort for his betterment.

“Was that during one of my nervous ramblings, because you can probably disregard anything and all I ever say when I’m like that.” I chuckled. “I think it might be the opposite. I think the filter comes off and you say what’s really on your mind.”

I chuckled. “I think it might be the opposite. I think the filter comes off and you say what’s really on your mind.” — (Jordan and Hennessey) To this point I hadn't picked up on this point of Jordan's ramblings. Hennessey is transparent with Jordan and intuitive. Hennessey shares his insights with the audience

“It’s like a treehouse,” I whispered. Jordan grinned. “Isn’t it awesome?” “Pretty sure whoever designed this was a reader or someone who really loved books.” — (Hennessy and Jordan) Surry Hills Library is library p*rn, it's fu**ing stunning. Thank God it's not "architecturally designed" as is the joke made in my library technician TAFE course (Fiona if you do ever read this Laura and I have never forgotten those moments). Or designed by committee which is even worse. Basically, the libraries and spaces designed by architects (without consultation with library staff) are horrendous and usually borderline impractical. I'm wondering if this might be where NR Walker does her writing and research. I really want to go there now. I guess I'll add it to my library tour bucket list. I've got half a chance I only live 12hrs away, I go back to Sydney one day.

"And about the breed of bird you made up, do they look like puffins? Because they’re the cutest bird I’ve ever seen. You know, if one was curious.” “If one was curious, they’d be pleased to know the Australian Pygmy Puffin is far cuter than the Atlantic Puffin. Like all Australian animals, they look adorable but are either venomous, poisonous, or just total jerks.” “The Pygmy Puffin?” I asked, smiling. “Yes. Small fluff balls, incredibly rare. There are three rules when handling them: One, no bright light. Two, don’t get them wet. And three, never feed them after midnight, no matter how much they beg.” — (Hennessey and Jordan) Okay I lost it at this exchange. There is context but do you really need it? This is kinda where their conversations go off into wonderland.

“He quoted Lewis Carroll,” I tried to say, but it was barely a squeaky breath. “Oh, Jesus,” she whispered. Her eyes went from my phone to me, then back again. “So that’s it then. I’ll start planning the wedding.” — (Jordan and Merry) Merry is bestie goals. This kind of dry deadpan humour is key to her.

“Ask him why we send something by car and call it shipment but send stuff by ship and call it cargo? Or why do our feet smell and our noses run? Or why the number eleven isn’t pronounced onety-one? Is Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?” — (Rachel) Another quote where there is context to do with philosophical questions prompted by "Why isn’t cereal considered to be or called a soup?" and “Do you think maths is something we invented or something we discovered?” from Jordan. This is Rachel's sense of humour. Also, all three questions just made me think. I couldn't help it.

I’m no expert in art, but I know books, and there is such a misconception about what genre people prefer. I don’t give a fuck what people read, as long as they read. From manga to gardening books, it doesn’t matter, and why people scoff at romance, I’ll never know. Because isn’t it a beautiful thing? Romance, that is. People wanting a happy ending. How is that ever wrong? — (Jordan) I have no words for this other than it speaks to my librarian soul.

“Celebrity you’d love to meet?” “Percy Shelley but I’ll need a priest, a Ouija board, and the blood of a chicken.” — (Hennessey and Jordan) Just what??

Oh, and your questions earlier. My tattoo is the Marvel Avengers’ A, you know, but in black, grey, white, and purple, like the ace flag. Kind of like my superhero shield. — (Hennessey) I love this tattoo so much. And I like the idea of mixing our flag colouring and a beloved fandom iconography. I would so do this with the dagger I've wanted for years.

“Like I said before, desire and attraction are not the same thing. To experience sexual desire does not make someone less asexual than someone else. Asexual people can engage in sexual pleasure. It doesn’t make them any less asexual. Sometimes our bodies betray our minds, and it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. Your asexuality is still valid.” — (Hennessey) This is from an extensive passage or series of passages from Hennessey about desire vs pleasure. In some ways because Jordan is such a baby-ace and Hennessey is his first real contact with the aspec community and a guide somewhat to him this makes sense. But what he really becomes is something of an educator to the reader, particularly readers who don't know much about what asexuality really is.

“Really? Dick jokes?” “Yes. Dick jokes. I’m asexual, not dead." — (Jordan and Hennessey) No comment. Just 🍆😆

In the interest of full disclosure any book that uses aspecs well, that explores asexuality gets an automatic five stars from me. We just need more representation. And Upside Down does explore asexuality well. That idea of coming to terms and adjusting to your new self and learning how to be that person with someone else. This has so much joy, power and representation. This is an Australian author going where so few dare to tread, with two ace protagonists and a setting in their own backyard. Better yet Hennessy and Jordan are fun, funny and written in a way that makes you just want them to be happy. Hopefully together but if with other people so be it. With an uber supportive and highly amusing support cast to boot. I really recommend this as a way to see a different world.

[booksandwords]

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker

Read time: 22 Days (intermittent) Rating: 2.5/5 stars

The quote: If it does fit you, welcome! Asexual communities are very diverse and friendly in many places, and most asexual people have a confusing and frustrating story just like you might. Here’s hoping you have a smooth transition into understanding your issues and navigating the world without having to feel inferior or left out or isolated anymore.

I want to start with want to say that I think in the hands of the right ace at the right time, I could see this being downright empowering. There is some sound advice for newbies in here. It is a half-decent reference for a 20-something who wants something more formal than the forums blogs and videos. It could do some truly wonderful things for the lives of aces if given to the right support people too. Think parents, caregivers, siblings, and maybe partners who don't know much about asexuality and want information.

I'm glad I finally got around to reading The Invisible Orientation, even if at 7 years old it book is aging now. That feeling of datedness and some problematic advice, among some other things, contribute to my rating this a 2.5-star book in this day and age. I was disappointed in the section on disrespectful confrontations the option to just politely walk away from the badgering person regardless of their importance to you. Removing yourself from the situation was not included. It should have been, it is an acceptable and self-preserving response that will be crucial for some aces (especially young ones). Some of what was advised were full-on goading the conversation partner. The list of scholarly material in the resources was a welcome surprise. Academia always has interesting takes on sex and gender. It does cover a variety of topics like asexual presentation (the black ring), aspec representation in media (including that horrendous House M.D. episode), the differential between sexual attraction and drive, "corrective" rape, alternatives to sex and knowing ones limits.

To me, The Invisible Orientation is not the most readable work. It has taken me weeks to read it. It feels like it had a slightly confused audience. Like the audience it was trying to hit was too broad. I can see some justification for that potentially disorganised audience there are relatively few aspecs in the world. The book is divided up into an introduction and six parts. Part one: Asexuality 101; Part two: Asexual experiences; Part three: The many myths of Asexuality; Part four: If you are Asexual (or think you might be); Part five: If someone you know is Asexual (or might be); Part six: Other resources. I quite like the formatting. Text boxes for quotes and bold on important lines to hammer home the necessary points. It does reiterate those points well. Firmly reminding that it is not a choice aspecs were born this way. The style in which Part four is written is smart it is stylised as Bingo card. Misunderstood groups use them to show how often they hear the same arguments, with every item on the card representing a misunderstanding or an inappropriate comment.. I'm not going to add a list of quotes to this one but I will share some from my kindle highlights.

Out of respect, I will list the contributors to the book they are given in the resources section of the book but I feel they deserved better. Quite a few were tied to The Asexual Agenda on WordPress, I'll list the tumblrs because that is a particularly popular site for aces. • Andrew Hinderlitter • Audacious Ace • Aydan Selby • Dallas Bryson • Fiish @apollyptica • ILY • Jo Qualmann • Kaz • Laura @ace-muslim • M. Leclerc • Mary Kame Ginoza • Queenie @queenieofaces • Rebecca @4seiji • Sciatrix • Tom • Tristan Miller

Read for Dymocks 2022 Reading Challenge. Filling the prompt: "Inspiring Change" This is mostly inspiring change in those who know aspecs. Though there is a degree of change inspired in aspecs themselves.

[booksandwords]

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. Narrated by Harriet Walter

Read time: 🎧 3 hours 🎧 Rating: 4/5

The quote: And the ashes blew towards us with the salt wind from the sea. — Mrs de Winter

This is a BBC Radio 4 reading, dramatised, read by Harriet Walter. This version is not a full-text version. Some of the language used feels slightly modernised, easier for modern ears to understand maybe rather than modernised. Harriet Walker's natural voice suits the young voice of the narrator. The flow of time in the world is difficult to understand in this audiobook version. I found Rebecca to be an odd book to start with. You step straight into the protagonist's life. We understand her position instantly, she is a servant, a companion. As her relationship with Maxim de Winter develops you understand that she is somewhat sheltered from the world. But this is a story told in retrospect, the protagonist is looking back at her life she understands more than she did back then. I liked the story though. It does have a mystery to hit. A question that you want to know the answer to. It was compelling and made me want to listen to the end without stopping. At 3 hours that wasn't hard to do.

I always struggle to review audiobooks. So just have some comments on the characters.

Mrs de Winter is the otherwise nameless narrator of the book. At the time the book is set she is 21, I think. There are times you will probably want to slap her for her naivete. Her trust and her misunderstanding of people, especially when those people have blatant reasons to do her harm. Frankly, I like her anxiety about being called Mrs de Winter. It would be so difficult to walk into that situation

Mr Maxim de Winter owner of Mandalay. Older, self-admitted is likely to be older than Mrs de Winter's father. Trying to deal with the death of his first wife, Rebecca. He's a very strange character. He has a fairly modern temperament in some ways. He does dote on Mrs de Winter a bit but also hides much from her.

Rebecca "curious, strong, slanting hand", that is the way we are introduced to her, through a letter. Honestly, it's one of the best ways I think I've ever been introduced to a dead key character. Rebecca lives on in the story through the way she overhangs everything and everyone in the house. How Mrs de Winter is always compared to Rebecca by everyone and herself. I really like Rebecca as a character she is cleverly written, just when you think you understand her you get a twist and you realise you don't.

Mre Danvers is the housekeeper. She is just a lot. She is quite intimidating. She's not always as she appears, even if that is always a little manipulating. Like Rebecca keeps throwing curve balls.

Mrs Beatrice Lacy, Maxim's sister is great. The voice Harriet Walker uses for her fitting, she is a powerful woman. That voice gives her presence. Though you do find she too had a moment with Rebecca. She is also smarter than she appears.

[booksandwords]

The Little Wartime Library by Kate Thompson

Read time: 4 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: Libraries are places that seem to invite confidences. all those books whispering from shelves, loosening tongues. Perhaps it was true. When you are surrounded by stories, maybe you can't help but share your own? — Ruby Munroe

**Disclaimer if you've never read one of my reviews before I am a librarian, give me respectful treatment of librarians and I will adore you. Consider this a bias warning.**

The Little Wartime Library has two protagonists, Clara Button and Ruby Munroe. Clara is a widow, a war widow. Her husband Duncan died at Dunkirk four years previously. More than a widow at the start of the blitz Clara got caught up in an explosion while working at the library and lost her baby. The last part of Duncan. Even four years later both her mother, Henrieta and Duncan's mother, Maureen resent her work. She is basically alone in the world now. Except for her best friend Ruby. Ruby is almost Clara's opposite. Whereas Clara is a widow, Ruby is a bachelorette with no interest in marriage, not that that has stopped her from engaging in the company of men. She puts off a shameless and flirtatious attitude, calling herself Bethnal Green's answer to Betty Grable. (Ruby, p.294) and getting called Ruby Red Lips after her trademark bright red lipstick. Ruby is dealing with her own internal guilt over the death of her older sister and the abuse her mother, Netty faces near-daily. Clara and Ruby have an enviable near sister-like relationship total loyalty, teasing and brutal, honest communication.

There is a lot of women supporting women and women getting s**t done as you would expect from a book set in WWII on the homefront. But so little of this book is truly about romantic relationships, even though they definitely exist. It is more about female empowerment, an attempt to solidify positions in the workforce, a place in the world after the men come home and reclaim their roles. The support cast is fairly well balanced for a novel in WWII with a male support cast including love interests Billy Clark and Eddie O'Riley, nearest to an antagonist, Mr Pinkerton-Smythe and library regular/ assistant Mr Pepper. The others are all women or children including, Beatty and Maria Kolsky, Sparrow, Mrs Chumley, Netty Munroe and a sizable and saucy book club.

I really like the way Clara and Ruby's stories are left at the end with hope, happiness and brightness in their futures. Nearly all the main support characters get some form of optimistic ending, this is appreciated from a book that could easily have gone down a much darker path if Thompson so desired. Netty's shows healing. Mrs Chumbley is given her rightful position of power at the heart of the community. Disappointingly Mr Pepper has no defined end. Ruby gets to become the immensely successful bodice ripper author as she promises the book club when they start reading Forever Amber who has it all. Clara gets her little family and her career. Wild child Sparrow's ending is fun and playful, honouring the trust and faith that Clara placed in him, proving twat face Pinkerton-Smythe so brilliantly wrong. Sparrow like Clara has sweeping character growth, his coming from maturity and hers from coming into her own. They lean on each other, learn from each other and arguably keep each other alive.

The Little Wartime Library has clever framing. In theory, it is a story being told by an old woman in the present (2020) to her daughters. She has maintained the typical don't talk about the war or childhood so her daughters, Rosemary and Miranda, don't know the full truth of her past, the extraordinary things she saw. It comes to pass that this is one of the Jersey girls, Beatty. This framing device is only used in the prologue and epilogue, it is useful for bringing the past and present together. A reminder of the consistency and importance of libraries to people. I like the writing style Thompson has chosen to use for her book. The perspective alternates between Clara and Ruby. As the story unwinds we see they both have their own joys, their own flaws and their own ghosts. Though there is possibly a little more focus on Clara's story, Ruby being the badass bestie that she is. Ruby and Clara have different voices Clara is more reserved but showing passion when something truly matters to her, Ruby is more of a femme fatal she is a fallen woman but that hides deep pain her voice combines the two aspects of her personality. Each chapter has not only a number assigned but a narrator and a quote (more on those later). Thompson has provided some natural breaks, like part breaks but not signposted these are where there are sizable time jumps. Skips sometimes last days, weeks or months and are usually indicated only by the earliest lines in the chapter and the dramatic closing moments of the previous. There are some (fictional) newspaper articles as a way to provide information. It is a smart choice. The information imparted by these articles wouldn't feel natural if revealed in conversation, it would feel too much like exposition.

There are some clever echoes in the events in the lives of the protagonists, Clara and Ruby. Both the good and the bad. They are both haunted by very different events. All a reader wants from Kate Thompson is to give us their happiness. But first the truths, the information, the secrets they are hiding from their men and the readers. Beatty and Maria, known as the Jersey girls, broke my heart, they are written in a way that makes you feel pain, makes you want to help them and give them a hug. The men, Billy and Eddie, are so different but so perfect for their women. The hoop-jumping, the perseverance, the dedication and the tropes used.

I can't formulate this review better so have a collection of thoughts and quotes.

There are many articles around on the bombing of the Hughes Mansions. This was the last bombing by the Nazis on London. It was a V2 bombing on 27 March 1945 targeting the heart of the Jewish community in London. I quite like one written by Lianne Kolirin in 2020 interviewing survivor Millie Henderson. The bombing of Hughes Mansions is included as a plot point and included well, with Clara using her people skills to her highest advantage.

The description of V-Day takes up only a single page. In context, it is a perfect choice and it is so well written.

I used a different coloured book flag for important sections on Clara and motherhood/ pregnancy, including a despicable but arguably period and societal status appropriate moment with Clara, Henrietta and Maureen. It is an interesting thing to actually see. Motherhood is important to her and the loss of the baby truly haunts her. I wish there was an equivalent for Ruby.

They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time. — (Banksey) Clara says this without the 'They say'. She said it to Beatty and I just really like the quote but the context of the relationship is interesting.

"Libraries are the engines of our education quote and our escape, never have they been more important in transforming our lives." — (Minister Rupert Montague, p.17) Take the attribution of any quote about libraries in this book with a grain of salt for reasons that will become apparent in the next section.

"What are you in the mood for?" "Errol Flynn and a stiff gin," — (Clara and Dot, p.31) Look I don't know why this made me smile as much as it did. I mean I get it Errol Flynn in his heyday?

"Break the mould, Clara. Make book clubs about sharing a love of reading, not education. Clubs oughtn't be the preserve of the elite." — (Billy, p.51) This is perfect to me, and the reason I prefer reading groups where everyone just shares what they've been reading. I've never seen a book club in my area that wasn't reading literature, classics and tomes.

Clara and Ruby had often discussed women's love for something with a bot of spice in it, and Ruby had noticed, as the war had groaned interminably on, women's appetites for something more risque had increased. By 1944, with so many husbands and boyfriends away for years now, reading was the only way they could explore some of the feelings of loneliness. — (Ruby, p.62-3) This is a fascinating idea that I just hadn't thought of. But I guess it makes sense, especially for those that truly swore themselves to fidelity (there were men available).

Bloody men. If you asked her, most of the wanted their dingle-dangles chopping off. — (Ruby, p.92) What can I say our girl is ruthless. She does an interesting thing with a 972 page book and a *ahem* wanker later.

Ruby started to tidy up and realised that in the midst of this dreadful war, being fought on so many fronts, only their little unconventional library family made any sense at all. — (Ruby, p.171)

"I'm not sure whether I believe in ghosts, but two centuries worth of suffering has to leave a mark." — (Billy, p.185) At this point Billy and Clara are standing in the ruins of Bethnal Green Library, a former asylum. The whole section is haunting and there is talk of some of the 'treatments' that used to be used. There is also a perfect use of graffiti.

It wasn't just slightly spicy, it was the literary equivalent of an incendiary bomb! — (Ruby, p.222) Let me introduce you to Forever Amber. Forever Amber is a 900+ page bodice-ripper published in 1944, set in Restoration England. It was scandalous, it was repeatedly banned in parts of the US and it plays an important role in The Little Wartime Library. Ruby and Clara want to be like Amber, strong, fierce and sassy af.

This is considered based on true events. The Bethnal Green Library did exist in something of the form shown in The Little Wartime Library but the fiction is something of a genderbend on reality. The library was set up and run by librarian George F. Vale and his deputy Stanley Snaith. Thompson is kind enough to provide some of her research material and includes not only a piece of writing on the Bethnal Green Library but the Read for Victory campaign.

There are some serious warnings in play for The Little Wartime Library. Obviously, this is set during WWII so the 1940s, death and a degree of sexism are somewhat expected. Some potential concerns to be aware of are attempted assault, murder (kinda good riddance to bad rubbish), war crimes (more than once), death (so much death), discrimination, domestic abuse, spousal rape, forced pregnancy and suicide. I think that's it. Most of this isn't in the first person but rather happening to the support cast. Though everyone impacts Clara or Ruby in one way or another. Let's be honest you're reading 'based on a true story' fiction set in WWII about a library in a tube station it cannot afford to pull its punches too much.

Let me start this section by including part of Kate Thompson's dedication: "Thank you to all library workers, past and present, whom I spent many an illuminating hour chatting with. Not just bibliophiles, but people-lovers too.". I include this because one of the overwhelming senses I am left with after reading The Little Wartime Library is it feels a bit like a love letter to librarians. The love letter thing is likely quite deliberate there is also a line in the Author's Note: "There's an assumption — an unfair one — that if you work in a library, you are a cardigan-wearing introvert. Bethnal Green Library, where my novel is set, is one hundred years old this year, so I set myself the goal of interviewing one hundred library workers. from post-war librarians, to feminist and activist librarians, school librarians to Britain's oldest library reading volunteer (can we all say hello to the inimitable Nanny Maureen) qualified and unqualified, all share one thing in common, a passionate belief in the power of books and reading to change lives.". These interviews form one of the perfect choices for the book, the quotes at the start of each chapter. These quotes are just absolute gems I really would love to read the whole interviews. Especially that one with Nanny Maureen.

As well as my usual dump of quotes from the book I'm going to add some of my fave of the quotes from librarians. ‘I always felt librarians should try to be encouraging, not judgemental, about reading. What you want to do is give people a great experience. Who are you to judge what that experience is?’ — Alison Wheeler, MBE. Former Chief Executive of Suffolk libraries, library campaigner and trustee of CILIP. 'Librarians require infinite patience and politeness in the face of adversity. A love of people is as, if not more, important than a love books.’ — Charlotte Clark, Manager of Southwold Library 'I'm a gatekeeper to the past, sharing my knowledge of the riches of our books for others to discover. I'm a facilitator of joy.’ — Mareike Doleschal, Librarian at Shakespeare Birthplace Trust in Stratford-upon-Avon ‘Librarians are facilitators, entertainers, empathisers, listeners, educators and friends. Libraries are about more than their buildings.’ — Carol Stamp, President of Libraries Connected and Chief Librarian of Kirklees Council ‘A library is more than its books, it's a place where women's lives have the potential to be transformed’. — Magda Oldziejewska, Funding Coordinator, Feminist Library ‘What we lacked in funds, we made up for with our imagination. Lots of love and a library ticket, that's all you need.’ — Claire Harris, retired children's librarian ‘Quiet in libraries? I don't think so! Anybody can walk in through the doors, and we have to be ready to listen and help.’ — Michelle Russell, Library Manager at Romford Library in the London Borough of Havering ‘As a librarian, people trust you. They let down their barriers. We are a social worker, a listening year, a confidante.’ — Maggie Lusher, Manager of Kesgrave Library in Suffolk ‘There's no such thing as a child who doesn't like reading, just a child who hasn't found the right book.’ — Nicola 'Ninja Librarian' Pollard, school librarian for St John Fisher Catholic High School in Harrogate ‘Libraries and love both take their own time to develop. I met my partner for the first time when we worked together as young librarians just before the new millennium. We didn't come together romantically until nearly twenty years later. we each had a lot of whining, growing, and — yes — reading, to do first.’ — Anne Welsh, Beginning Cataloguing ‘Want to see the world? Don't join the army, become a librarian.’ — Denise Bangs, Idea Store Libraries, Tower Hamlets, East London ‘Time slips by in a library. It's one of the few public social spaces where you can go to feel safe and warm, to escape, explore and enrich your life. In a conspiracy theory age, being able to access trustworthy information makes libraries more relevant than ever.’ — Professor Shelley tower and Dr Sarah Pyke, Living Libraries

I think librarians especially school and public librarians will likely really enjoy this and feel seen. Between Clara and Ruby we are all represented, all of us are to an extent one or the other. Ruby is the glamorous and Clara is closer to the stereotype. That said all readers will still enjoy The Little Wartime Library, there is just a perspective here that is often lacking in fiction. There is so much intelligence, love and sass here but above all respect. This has been my overly long and chaotic review of love for The Little Wartime Library.

[booksandwords]

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao

Series: Iron Widow, #1 Read time: Just Over 1 Day Rating: 5/5

The quote: "I'm so tired of being a girl." "Yeah. If you were a boy, you'd be ruling the world by now." "Oh, I don't know if it's that's simple. I'd still have to be the right kind of buy. That's probably something you have to watch out for if you're getting a wish granted by some spirit. 'Make me a boy!' Bam. I get turned into a big, buff, Rongdi. Everyone's so scared of me that they'd rather chase me into the wilds. I can't get anything done." "That's not untrue." — Wu Zetian and Gao Yizhi (p.166)

Warnings: In the authors words “Please be aware that this book contains scenes of violence and abuse, suicide ideation, discussion and references to sexual assault (though no on-page depictions), alcohol addiction, and torture.”

This review is not written with a lot of cohesion. It's more a dump of I needed to get this out of my mind. I've tried to synthesise to make it readable but I have likely failed. TL:DR I loved this book. It is so worth the praise it is receiving. The Iron trio are so brilliantly broken and the ideal violent antiheroes. I really recommend it if the blurb appeals. Just be sure to read the warnings.

Oh man, this book did things to me. It gave me emotions I didn't expect. There is a lot of just pure female power and rage in Iron Widow and readers are encouraged to go with Zetian. One of the cover quotes/endorsements is "a primal scream of a book" (E.K. Johnson) and that is a fantastic quote for it. Zetian is the kind of feministic badass, unforgiving, deadly and headstrong heroine I love and really do not read enough of. Probably because not enough of them are published. She is the ultimate f**k the patriarchy and anyone who supports it. Do you have any idea how both rage-filled and overjoyed and adrenaline filled I was by the time I finished this? I read it in a day and a bit (70 gages one night the rest the next day). I just could not put it down. The world both captivated and frustrated me. Wu Zetian, Li Shimin and Gao Yizhi enthralled me. The Iron Triangle is one of the most powerful things I've read in a long while.

One of the first things you will see in reviews for Iron Widow is to read and be aware of the content warnings. I'm going to add Xiran Jay Zhao's statement here "Please be aware that this book contains scenes of violence and abuse, suicide ideation, discussion and references to sexual assault (though no on-page depictions), alcohol addiction, and torture.". The violence of the book is regularly discussed in reviews, all these things are important to be aware and some will definitely be triggering to the point where the book is unreadable for some.

Iron Widow plays with the concepts of femininity, vengeance, making amends, love, power in the best possible way. Though not always in the same person. Zetian may be the main character but this is also about Li Shimin and Gao Yizhi. These three characters are so likable and almost human but they are different. Different to each other and different to your normal protagonists. One of the really appealing aspects of these characters is their unwillingness to shy from their darkness, they are aware it can be weaponised and will when it suits them. Li Shimin in defence, Wu Zetian in vengeance and even Gao Yizhi when the need calls for it. there is also something appealing in Xiran Jay Zhao writing Zetian, as not unique in her level of ability just rare, and even with that Zetian and Shimin, are ostracised rather than elevated. It fuels the readers' indignity and anger. They are our antiheroes.

Wu Zetian is an interesting protagonist. At first, I was wondering if she was unreliable, especially during the first part with Yang Guang. I no longer trust protagonists as tellers of their own stories, they are always the least objective of storytellers. But this first part makes everything that comes later that much more valuable. It shows the contrasts between those only seeking self-preservation over fame. But aside from anything else, it is so nice to see a female protagonist for ruthless in ya, so willing to go after what she wants. To kill, to seek vengeance, to take pleasure, to give and withhold her trust. I like her. I like her relationship with Li Shimin and Gao Yizhi. The way she does not care about cultural norms and will be with them regardless. That pretty much sums up her attitude... f**k society I'm here to be me... wait nope on second thoughts bow before your queen you cowards.

Some dot points to stop this from getting truly out of control.

The use of Chinese elements is brilliant, the way they have been made ancient than futuristic all while remaining understandable. The way it is written is impeccable. It allowed for a consistent, natural and easy to follow world and lore.

Wu Zetian is based on the powerful 7th century Chinese Empress of the same name. Li Shimin is based on an Emperor of the same name (interestingly Wu Zetian's father in law) as the perfect touch here his consorts name was Empress Wende. Li Shimin was a different kind of power, he was logical and scholarly. Gao Yizhi is I guess based on Zhang Yizhi one of Wu Zetian's favoured *cough*toyboys*cough* consorts. Look Zhang Yizhi and Zhang Changzong weren't stupid they knew how to get power.

Ruyi, Zetian's sister and the reason she goes after vengeance is possibly named after a period of her reign.

I appreciate the choice to call piolets boys. Given they rarely ever twenty-four, never twenty-five and wouldn't typically be considered men until they reach twenty, the cultural age of majority. So culturally when they become pilots at sixteen they are boys.

I did not expect the sheer amount of care for the girls in play here. From Wu Zetian. From Li Shimin. To a degree Gao Yizhi.

Wu Zetian is an angry, hurt woman. Li Shimin is just a broken and pained boy. Yin and Yang in so many ways. And Gao Yizhi is so full of love I can't, he kinda feels like their balance.

Yizhi's tattoos continue to cause me great suspicion. But oh they are so pretty.

Their monikers are fierce, strong and perfect, Iron Demon, Iron Widow and Baofeng Shaoye (Young Master Strom). Better yet it is Wu Zetian owning the slur. By honour Zetian and Shimin's names should be Iron King and Iron Queen.

Holy... that photoshoot. Has anyone made fanart for it yet? I need to see it. Speaking of fanart Xiran Jay Zhao's tumblr is @xiranjayzhao​ they share some gorgeous fanart there. Also their username basically everywhere.

"Maybe , if things were different, I could get used to this. Being cradled in his warmth and light, Being cherished. Being loved. But I have no faith in love. Love cannot save me. I choose vengeance." — At this point, I realised that Yizhi was definitely coming back and love was much more important than Zetian though. This section is so lovely. (Wu Zetian, p.37)

"I drop Yang Guang in front of me and set a tiny lotus foot on his corpse. What do you know? I really did kill him." — Followed quickly by the iconic Welcome to your nightmare!. This is such a good visual though especially given the gauzy material and slightly mad look. (Zetian, p.81)

"I have to remind myself that those are the same vicious, red-lit eyes that glared at me with bloodlust in the mind link. He is not innocent. Not framed. Not misunderstood. I know that for certain. I have lived through the burning, screaming depths of his mind." — His mind realm was a shared perception for them, she saw what she expected to see. (Zetian, p.108)

""Let's be real." I let out a cross between a scoff and a sigh. "We were doomed from the beginning. The world will never forgive us for what we've each done, and there will always be those who will love to make us suffer. Not like we would've gained any respect by lying down and letting them do it." His mouth pops open, then he huffs. "Yeah. That's true." — I don't know why I like this so much. It could be because of the timing. (Zetian and Shimin, p.155)

"False hope. I swear the army is sustained on it." — Where is the lie? (Zetian, p.229)

"You're my polar star. I'll go wherever you guide me." — This is such a lovely sentiment. And you can tell he means it. (Yizhi, p.238)

Two posts I need to share from tumblr posted by @bookcub​ and @fixaidea​ respectively. Bookcub and Fixaidea both hit the nail on the head here. THIS is Wu Zetian (if you want your posts removed I am happy too).

I've read that this is a duology and damn I'm glad there is more to this story. I'm glad that Zetian has more to tell us. I can be patient until Xiran Jay Zhao writes it. It takes a lot for a book to impact me as much as this did. I kinda hope we get to see something more of Wende I feel like there is more to tell there. I also hope that Zetian, Shimin and Yizhi get more loyal and valued allies.

[booksandwords]

The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea by Axie Oh

Read time: 2 Days Rating: 5/5

The quote: My grandmother said it was her own grandmother who used to tell her the stories. After all, not all storytellers are grandmothers, but all grandmothers are storytellers. — Mina

When you stay up well past your bedtime to finish a book you know it is good. I cannot believe it took me so long to get to read this one. It's enchanting, the world is beautiful, the characters lovely and the writing just drew me in and held me. The plot is simple enough a girl sacrifices herself for her beloved brother's happiness and village and then goes about improving the circumstances for all the girls in the village, finding the source of the need for the sacrificing of the daughters of the village and stopping them. But as is the way with these things all is not as it seems. Along the way, she makes friends, allies, and enemies and reacquaints herself with a person from her past., even with any tropes and stereotypes that are involved I couldn't see them. There are some tropey elements but it feels like there is freshness or remixing too. Or maybe I just couldn't see the predictability for the beauty of the writing and I got lost in this story. I was just loving the characters and enjoying the world. The pacing is perfect to me there is no wastage of storytelling space. It starts with a bang and a choice and ends in much the same way. It is such wonderful writing and worldbuilding.

Mina is a slightly unreliable narrator and I like her for it, I like her emotional drive. Shin and the Sea God are the sort of characters I just want to care for. And Kirin and Namgi are just perfect and in need of love. The other ladies involved notably Hyeri and Mask have agency over their afterlives and choices. In the case of Hyeri that is a critical writing choice. I found that the relationships were well written, her relationships with each of the players are slightly different reflecting the different personalities and experiences in play. The three (arguably four) couples in The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea have differences and individuality to them. As much, as it is a mythological tale, is a look at humanity and love. Everyone in the story experiences love of a form at some point family, pack, friend, romantic or power.

Have a thought and quote dump.

"The Sea God isn't angry, Mina. He's lost. He's waiting, in his palace far beyond this world, for someone brave enough to find him" — It is interesting the differences between the truth and the perceptions. (Grandma, p.12)

There is a lot going on in the early parts of the story that made me think that the Sea God and his people know of her future import to them. Her items are in pride of place.

From the second we see Hyeri for the first time and then heard some of her story I wanted a prequel. I want a novella of Hyeri and Shiki's story. Or a novel that starts with her story and runs longer through Mina's as well. Her perspective, what role did she play in getting Shiki to talk to Shin? Hyeri is a small character but she is really interesting.

Jesus what is Kirin? A beast of myth that we know, Rygugi refers to him as 'The Silver One'. I appreciate that it is left as a mystery. We see him but don't get a truth. Namgi is a beast of myth too, a 19-year-old water with aspirations of becoming a dragon.

"You claim the gods should love and care for humans. I disagree. I don't think love can be bought or earned or even prayed for. It must be freely given." (Shin, p.104) & And there is no hope, because love can't be bought or earned or even prayed for. It must be freely given. And I have given my heart to someone, (p.227) — I really appreciate these twin lines. I like the echoing through the book of free will.

I always felt that Mina being the only girl in a bloodline of boys was going to be important. It is certainly what gave her her strength and maybe her empathy. The empathy would be passed through the maternal line mother to daughter.

Dai floats on his back in the water with Miki balanced on his stomach, looking very much like an otter that's caught a Miki-shaped fish. — Look I love I just adore the imagery. (p.148)

"Don't chase fate, Mina. Let face chase you." — This is the quote that appears on the dust jacket. Fate is such an important to the story. (Mask, p.151)

I need to take a (long) moment as I have with others occasionally to talk about the gorgeous cover (which reminds me I want to make a fave covers or cover p*rn tag). First a question why are the covers for the hardback editions always so much more appealing and suited to the story than the later editions? I really would like to know, I mean the other covers aren't the worst they still use some elements of the story. But every element of the cover of the edition I read was relevant to the story, the cover tells the story in much the same way as On The Other Side. As with that review, I'm going to go into some light spoilers in my explanation here, so read on at your own peril. The artist for the cover is Kuri Huang/ @kurihuangillustration​ (same as the artist for Daughter of the Moon Goddess btw), the designers are Rich Deas and Kathleen Breitenfeld.

Can we all take a moment to bless the stand-alone YA novel. It feels like a freaking unicorn these days. I wrote this review quite sometime after finishing The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea writing this review mostly from my tagged book and 8 pages of notes. While I forgot a few details over time, I read quickly. But I have been left with an overwhelming sense of that is a stunning book, recommend it if it is raised in conversation.

[booksandwords]

You've Reached Sam by Dustin Thao

Read time: 2 Days Rating: 3/5

The quote: I miss you, too. I miss you infinitely. — Samuel Obayashi

This review is going to be a bit of a mess. Largely dot points, notes I made in my little notepad while reading (and have no real conclusion). I'm torn on the ending there was no cop-out like I feared for a while. The simple maybe third of a page epilogue is effective. I can see why You've Reached Sam is popular but also why it has its detractors. I like the idea but I feel like there is something missing in the execution.

Let me justify my low rating. It's not that I didn't enjoy this I did. I'm ratng🌟🌟🌟 because there was just too much I wasn't all that happy with. Julie is at times quite off-putting, as is Mika. But that could be the whole grieving at a quite young age, without parental guidance or assistance. Sam's death is written in a way that is almost needlessly brutal for something that has no impact on lore. And there was something a bit too Hollywood almost about the ending. As I said I did like it while I was reading. The plot was likeable. There were some lovely moments and wonderful characters. It was great while I was reading but I think You've Reached Sam will prove to be imminently forgettable and I have reservations about recommending it to people.

Now because I can't find an organised way to review this...

There is something appealing about the idea that the dead are not omniscient, or even can't see the living. Thao has chosen to show multiple ways in which people grieve too.

The two main song references first Fields of Gold by Sting, Eva Cassidy's cover. Oh wow it is gorgeous. I didn't expect to find such a wonderful version of a song through a book. Secondly Kiss the Rain by Yirmura. This is a beautiful piano piece I had never heard before.

The book contains three chapters set simply before. They are written on a theme. Firsts, Mika and the last is more complicated. It feels like it is things they will never do, with skinny dipping representing, spontaneity and just living life together.

Time is a very strange thing in You've Reached Sam there is a lot of blocks of missing time. Times when there are jumps in time with little notice. That said it does run on a deadline. Ending with Graduation, I can't remember what the full timeframe is but events only happen in spurts. I was struggling to remember Jules' age in the writing too, though I'm not sure why.

The relationship between Oliver and Julie is interesting moving fast from their almost adversarial beginnings to a close and very sweet t friendship. It may have moved perhaps a little too fast but it kinda works, the idea of grief as a bonding agent.

The lantern ceremony is beautiful but there is quite a lot of pain there.

Tristan and Julie also have a great dynamic. Though I'm not a massive fan of their relationship. Julie treats him almost selfishly but that is possibly partially due to her age and grieving.

"I wondered why someone would want to intentionally experience that. I think I figured it out. You want to feel something. Something meaningful, and intense. You want to feel that thing in your heart and stomach. You want to be moved. To care about something, or fall in love, you know? And you want it to feel real And different and exciting." [...] And I think this film does that, in its own way. It makes you cry, over bread. You've never felt that that before. It's original. It makes you feel... alive." — I never thought a film about a baguette would make me so emotional. (Tristan, p.248)

Mr Lee is my kind of book minder (librarian, bookseller). He brings all the books in his care to life, gives them personalities and loves them as if they were his own. He also loves and supports his community, the readers therein. "We have too many voices inside our heads. You have to pick out the ones that mean something to you. What story do you want to tell?" — This was Mr Lee's advice to Julie, a writer. (Mr Lee, p.84)

Sometimes, dreams mean the opposite of what they show us, That we shouldn't understand them exactly as they are. It can mean something in our life is out of balance. Or maybe we're holding in too much. Especially when we lose someone, dreams show us the opposite of what it is we need to find balance again. — Dreams are a reasonably big part of You've Reached Sam both the act of dreaming and what-if of that last goodbye and the phone calls themselves. (Yuki, p.162)

"Then why are you making me do this?" [...] "Because Sam asked for this. It isn't often we get requests from people who've passed away, you know? I think it's important to honor it, if we can." — (Julie and Mika, p.236-7)

Some good representation is included for Asian cultures. Sam himself is ethnic Japanese, most of the main are Asian exchange students from different countries. Jay and Oliver are both queer. While Julie is white and het, there is quite a bit of representation.

[booksandwords]

Kindred: 12 Queer #LoveOzYA Stories (Anthology)

Read time: 3 Days Rating: 4/5

Edited by Michael Earp Contains contributions by: Marlee Jane Ward, Erin Gough, Michael Earp, Jax Jacki Brown, Claire G Coleman, Nevo Zisin, Jen Wilde, Christos Tsiolkas, Ellen van Neerven, Omar Sakr, Alison Evans and Benjamin Law

Overall This is just a diverse collection of stories aimed squarely at young people. Most of the protagonists are in their mid to late teens or are trying to deal with issues from that point. I would argue that as usual, it is not diverse enough. No one is intersex, no one is ace or aroace, I don't think any of the main characters is trans. But what it does give us is indigenous and disability voices.

Rats by Marlee Jane Ward Lesbian Featuring narrator Michielle and interest Maita. It's so very Melbourne it uses our iconic places and the pace of our CBD to drive the story. It feels a bit like a slice of life for the chaotic Michelle. Honestly, it's quite an effective opening.

In Case of Emergency, Break Glass by Erin Gough Lesbian or Bisexual, Awakening Featuring narrator Amy and interest Reg. Amy is 16 and kissing her boyfriend is uninspiring to her. While catering at a fancy party she meets Reg. Amy and Reg have this perfect little space that is in almost direct opposition to everything else Amy is with in the story. It is all presented so well the awakening, the flight.

Bitter Draught by Michael Earp Gay Featuring narrator Simeon and interest Wyll, with a cameo by Wren an nb Witch. It's a simple-ish find the witch save the girl story. It feels like historical fantasy. It's a well-constructed story short story working well with trope and genre limits, expectations. But it is oh so bittersweet.

I Like Your Rotation by Jax Jacki Brown Lesbian, Disability Featuring narrator Jem and interest Drew. Both Jem and Drew are in wheelchairs, though different kinds of chairs. The story kinda focuses a bit on the otherness and exclusion that can appear even in queer safe spaces. That idea of protection. It ends in a perfect place of both pain and optimism.

Sweet by Claire G Coleman Non Binary Featuring narrator Roxy and their mad bunch of friends. This is set in a dystopia where gender is illegal, of note is race, Roxy and all her friends are indigenous. Sweet as a story is brilliant playing well on role reversal and fear. The characters are captivating, particularly Sweet herself and Roxy. You want to see them all thrive. Even in such a short story, there are indications of developed lore, Coleman has clearly thought it out well.

Light Bulb by Nevo Zisin Non Binary or Agender Featuring a nameless narrator. Light Bulb in one phrase... positively weird. It uses a lot of symbolism and metaphor. This is the kinda one that you just has to be read. But it is good.

Waiting by Jen Wilde Bisexuality, Lesbian, (lowkey Autism) Featuring narrator Audrey and interest Josie. Audrey is autistic and bi, a fangirl, from what I know iconic Jen Wilde. This has one of my fave quips about fandom vs sport. "Can I ask you something?" [...] "What's the difference between us being cosplay, and you going to the footy in your team's jersey?" [...] "I'm genuinely curious about this," she continues. "We're here as fans, some of us cosplay. And you're going to the football as a fan, in your own kind of cosplay" - Josie. I have removed the idiot boys' responses because they are less than useful. This one is coming of age brilliance that really makes me want to read Queens of Geek. It's relatable to an adult that community vibe that cons present like nothing else. Yes, like those who are queer we are outsiders nearly everywhere else but get us together and it is like home. A home made up of a loud, eclectic family.

Laura Nyro at the Wedding by Christos Tsiolkas Gay Featuring narrator Jack and boyfriend Paul. I'm going to be honest this is the story that stayed with me. This is the longest of the stories at 30 pages, Jack and Paul are also the oldest protagonists. Set in Victoria with at least one migrant protagonist, Serbian Paul. I'm going to put the rest under spoiler because this goes heavy fast.The focus of this is the queerness as in the otherness of having a weight over you, something not about you. It's the power of forgiveness, the impact of the other on family units. I know it is a short story but the story does just end.

Each City by Ellen van Neerven Queer Featuring an unnamed narrator and interest Talvan. Set in a slightly dystopian future both main characters are indigenous. The protagonist is running for her safety after gaining government attention as an activist. It's an odd story but I couldn't be more white if I tried, this isn't my culture.

An Arab Werewolf in Liverpool by Omar Sakr Gay Featuring narrator Wafat and interest Noah. Unsurprisingly this is supernatural fiction but also adds the cultural other of Islam. It's fun and will likely speak to people of faith. Not just Islam but other faiths as well. I do like it for its variation, it's nice to have the supernatural element covered.

Stormlines by Alison Evans Non Binary Featuring narrator Marling and interest New. These two use ve and they pronouns respectively. This is not a romance, it is a story of home. It's effective storytelling if slightly predictable. Alison pushes a neutral pronoun agenda which is always a welcome approach. It gives people permission, options, freedom, license.

Questions to Ask Straight Relatives by Benjamin Law Gay/Queer Unlike the other stories in the collection, this isn't a fictional story. It's a mix of a personal story and advice for people of any identity. "Coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex or queer can be a massive relief, but it also usually marks the start of having to answer questions from straight people for the rest of your life."... for the rest of your life. now isn't that the scariest part of this coming out thing. Honestly, this section contains just plain brilliant advice for queer people of identity at any point in their life. I can see why Michael Earp positioned it last in the book.

[booksandwords]

One Summer in Paris by Sarah Morgan

Read time: 3 Days Rating: 5/5

The quote: You know what I've always said a man is icing on the cake that's all. And with all the new research on the dangers of sugar, maybe you're better off without. — Mimi (p.93)

One Summer in Paris was an enjoyable fairly fast read, building on female friendship, hurt and similar histories. The leading characters Audrey and Grace are at very different points in their lives but have exactly what the other needs. Confidence, knowledge, honesty and friendship. Audrey 'Audie' Hackett is an 18-year-old British girl travelling to France to get away from her alcoholic mother and figure out what she wants to do with her life. Audie is fiercely independent, dyslexic and doesn't speak a word of French. As far as travelling in France, Paris specifically, goes it's a mixed bag. Her way of making money since she was in her early teens was by washing hair in hairdressers. In contrast, Grace Porter is the mother of a 17-year-old, married for 25-year and American. She is travelling on her own after her husband, David, told her at their 25th-anniversary dinner that he is having an affair. Grace and Audrey meet when Audrey goes all badass and stops a guy from stealing Grace's bag days after Grace arrives in Paris. Their friendship develops from there as Grace starts to realise exactly how much Audrey needs her and Audrey realises Grace also needs her for that little push.

There are surprisingly limited cast and settings but somehow that feels advantageous to the story. The reader becomes comfortable in the locations. It makes it easier to visualise the locations when there are so few of them to remember. Mimi... Mimi's intro had some of the best lines in the whole book. "Maybe it's time to stop dancing. You might lose your balance." "If I'm going to fall, I'd rather do it while I'm dancing. Unless I fall out of bed having sex. That would also be acceptable—although unlikely, unless the men around here get their act together." (Mimi and Grace, p.18) Mimi is Grace's French grandmother only ever referred to as Mimi. She has spent her whole life defying the stereotypes, including being a single mother. Her eccentricity shines and her advice makes me laugh. I came to a realisation quite late in the book that Mimi is a female version of Philippe.

Etienne, Philippe and David are almost a study in contrasts. Or perhaps Etienne is the middle ground between Philippe and David. A sign of the potential improvements in the next generation, the potential Audrey has to have a happier life than Grace did. Sophie, I was perfectly fine with right up until her self-absorbed Mom and Daddy get back together b*llsh*t (b*tch you're 18, welcome to reality). David is written poorly maybe. He's written as a bit of an oaf. He's saving the stereotypical divorce with the much younger woman and is just dumb enough to leave his wife for her. It could also be said that it may be good writing, with Grace being an unreliable narrator.

Dot point comments and quotes

The formatting/language doesn't appear to be quite as clever as Annika Martin and Joanna Chambers' Enemies Like You which remains for me the best use of language I've ever seen. Ignoring the relationship dynamics, Kit and Will and Audrey and Grace have similar language dynamics. Kit and Audrey are British, Will and Grace American. Whereas Martin and Chambers make that language adjustment at all times, spoken words and thoughts, Morgan doesn't appear to. She seems to only adjust it for some spoken words. But this is why Enemies Like You is one of my fave books.

It is written in alternating perspectives primarily switching between Grace and Audrey. There is the occasional Mimi sprinkled in for details and interest.

Sophie is a brilliant protector to Grace in the immediate aftermath of the divorce. She is quite a lot like Mimi in that respect.

There was a moment where I felt something was truly off about Etienne. You don't abandon a girl at a party when she is clearly wasted and doesn't speak the language. There are some age discrepancies in the party guests and turns of phrase that made Audrey (and me) uncomfortable. His reasons helped but still felt offputting.

"Get out of here, and if you come near Meena again I swear I'll hurt you." "You and whose army?" "I don't need an army. I'm my own army. Now fuck off back to wherever you came from, which is probably the sewer." — Meena is Audrey's best friend, this is in the earliest Audrey chapter. We see her as the fierce defender she is here. (Audrey and Rhonda, p.49)

"Now stop letting them get to. Be mad, not scared. And if you can't actually be mad, then ace mad. You need to be meaner than you are. You to be meaner-Meena" — This is the best piece of advice a girl can receive. Boys too. But girls are societally conditioned to be less aggressive. (Audrey, p.50)

• "A career is within your control. I am going to work my butt off in college and get a brilliant job. I am going to shatter glass ceilings into so many pieces that all the men around me will cut their feet on the shards." — This is from a pissed off hurt daughter. Honesty it works so well. (Sophie, p.82)

Grace tumbled through the door into her arms, and Mimi almost staggered. It was as if grief had made her heavier. — I appreciate this physical manifestation of grief. (Mimi, p.90)

She slid the key into her pocket, feeling grown-up. Maybe that was all it took. A key. A place of your own. The ability to decide what you did with your day. To make choices that weren't driven by compensating for other people's mistakes. — I adore this as another idea of manifestation. Because Audrey is probably right about this whole idea. (Audrey, p.105)

"Friends and family all have opinions and feel they have to fix things, and somethings all you want is someone to listen." — The truth to this is undeniable. I'm guessing this is why counsellors make so much money. Audrey learnt her listing skills in the hairdressers, they too are used just so people can get information off their chest. (Audrey, p.121)

"No offence, Grace, but you're not looking that married from where I'm sitting. It takes more than a ring and a piece of paper. It takes the man to be present. He isn't present, and that is his biggest flaw." "Good point. Brutal, but good." — (Audrey and Grace, p.173)

Philippe had always had a book under his arm, the pages marked, corners turned in. They'd argued about whether it was right to defile books. He'd believed that a book should live a life, show signs of age and use. Battered was good because it meant someone had read and read. Best of all were notes, above the text and in the margins. — Oh my librarian self and my book-loving soul is so torn on this quote and the thoughts behind it but to each their own. (Grace, p.219)

My Goodreads review has a longish discussion of the conclusion here. I needed to talk about it. While I do have issues with the ending I was left with the overwhelming feeling that Sarah Morgan was telling us that each generation has it just a bit better. Have hope.

Despite my reservations about the ending, I do recommend this. It is a powerful female friendship done well, it shows the power of a shared path across generations and to a degree how time is changing social issues. I appreciate Sarah Morgan's writing, the way she can make things feel quite physical almost visceral when needed. The plot isn't all that complicated but to me, it is more about Grace and Audrey's friendship than the broader plot.

[booksandwords]

Buzz by E. Davies

Series: The Riley Brothers, #1 Read time: 1 Day Rating: 4/5

The quote: And, for the love of God, we can all get boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever.” Jackson held up his beer in a toast. “And get our shit together.” Cameron laughed and clinked glasses. “I think you two have your shit together. It's just me.” “Doesn't feel like it sometimes,” Thomas laughed. “I always thought you two did.” Jackson shook his head. “I thought you two did.” — Jackson, Cameron and Thomas Riley (aka perfect siblingness)

Buzz is the story of Cam Riley and Noah Clark. 23-year-old Cameron Riley has recently discovered a heart condition that doctors are struggling to formerly diagnose. This heart condition it presents most commonly as him getting heart palpitations, getting dizzy and blacking out. This medical condition has meant losing his potential future as a pro hockey player. Honestly, his and the medical community's reactions to that heart condition are so relatable. I have been through the whole we have no idea what is going on, but here's our best come back for a barrage of tests when we have a space, best of luck to you until then. His reaction is a mood. He tries to prove his not a social liability, tries to keep going as he was and just all-around struggles to adjust to his new reality. There is a brilliant line to summarise this whole experience "What had he done to deserve this shit? Abso-fucking-lutely nothing." (Cameron) Also a total mood. Noah “Gay as the day is bright,” Clark is a 24-year-old art curator and all-around good egg. He is on the feminine side when it comes to presenting himself, likes being hauled around and never saw the inside of the closet. He's basically Cam's total opposite but near-ideal partner. Their chemistry is instant and electric. They feed off each other to a degree. Noah helps Cam find a job with his uncle, Bill at his apiary. Cam helps Noah and Bill when something goes wrong with the bees.

The story is pleasant enough to read. Two different men trying to figure each other out while going through perhaps trying times in their lives. Cameron trying to move on with trying to figure out what next. Noah dealing with work stress, and his work being undermined. Their stories individually such as they are, focus more on Cam than Noah, kinda why I have less comment on him, we spend more time with Cam Along the way we meet many of the characters from the rest of The Riley Brothers series. Most importantly the Riley brothers themselves Jackson and Thomas. Jackson gets chapters of narration, as Noah's older brother we get to see his protective nature and his thoughts on Noah's ex his general concern. Importantly we see them all coming together in their gorgeous housing situation (of which Cam's is my fave). Others include tattooist Chase, P.I. Alex, Hockey players Matty and Kevin and James (I think).

Have some quotes. I quite like the way Davies writes.

this was a relationship he was willing to work hard to start and work harder to never end. — (Noah) This is from the prologue. it is a helluva way to get a reader interested in the story. Especially once the reader learned about the idiot that is Nathan, Cam's ex.

and oh shit, he was very dizzy, and his heart was racing and he couldn't breathe, the pounding in his ears drowning out the screeches of metal on ice, and then-- --the ice rose, jumping up at him, flying into his face. Blackness. — (Cam) I'm going to be honest and say I just like this as imagery. You can see it or feel it.

"You're twenty-three – you're on the cusp of success. You can't fuck it up now. Push too hard, at the wrong time, and you can bench yourself for life. Or, worse, lose your life. Heart problems, if that's what this is, are nothing to screw around with.” — (Coach Walker) I'm here for this line. I just this we need more lines like this in all fiction. It's an important message.

Getting his wisdom teeth out had been enough experience with hospitals for him. They were ugly and white and architecturally displeasing. — (Jackson) This is Jackson on hospitals. It's largely the last bit the last phrase that I found so appealing, architecturally displeasing. Something so amusing while totally accurate about that.

 All day and night to plan to grab Nathan by his greasy hair and chuck him out if he tried strolling back into his little brother's life yet again. — (Jackson) I didn't mention Nathan in my review because I can't even with how to talk about that awful but sadly real thing. But this is brilliant protective older brother.

Cam responded, speaking for the other two. He'd always been the spokesman, for no particular reason. Jackson was talkative enough and Thomas wasn't reticent, but they both yielded to him when he was there. — (Cameron) This is more sibling joy. I honestly think this is normal. I know my brother and I are like this.

“Yep. Good choice. It's not the gay bar. Fuck, the single gay bar here and all the straight students in it...” — (Noah) This just made me laugh.

“You were forced off the ice. I'm glad you didn't kill yourself out of some hyper-macho bullshit weakness complex.” — (Noah) Again with the important and useful messages. But honestly I just really like the last line. It's Noah's whole sticking point when he finds out Cam's secret.

This is another fairly quick read. It has an element of predictability and comfort to it but with the pleasant change of there being less angst than many of the books I've read before. With that blurb, we can safely assume this is heading for a HEA, this is all about what happens to get there and the cuteness of their relationships. Cameron and Noah's relationship may be adorable in its dynamic but it moves fast. Buzz starts with a bang. The prologue comes from a scene about 60% of the way through though from an alternate perspective (Noah's in the prologue rather than Cameron's in Chapter 22). These are the first lines... "A fucking jock strap. Jesus Christ, how much hotter could Cameron get? Noah's jaw dropped. Cameron was kneeling across his stomach, leaning back on his heels. Callused hands slid his jeans down muscled thighs and Cameron's package bulged forward. He was hard inside the stretchy fabric, and Noah needed to find out how hard." (Noah). It just starts fast and then goes back and lets us see how Noah and Cam got here. I really wasn't expecting it to start like that, not sure if that is a signature of E. Davies' writing, I've never read any of it before. Though I have downloaded and have full intention to read Clang, Jackson and Chase's story. Mostly because it is already fairly obvious there is something between them. And while tattooists aren't particularly rare in mm fiction I respect an author who gives me something different, a blacksmith. Though even Chase is a little unusual he's a highly talented artist alongside his tattooing skills "But I have to know art to freehand." (Chase). Quite frankly I'm really looking forward to it.

[booksandwords]

Excellent Sons: A Love Story in Three Acts by Larry Benjamin

Read time: 5 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: That first kiss within sight of our classmates changed everything. The surprised gasps of our classmates were like the sound of shackles falling. The snickers and giggles like the sound of a prison door creaking open. Their shocked looks like a match being struck in the dark. The popular narrative holds that being gay but not out is like living in a closet. I can tell you it isn’t. It’s more like living in a prison cell, or maybe a windowless, mirrorless box; you can’t see anyone, not even yourself, and no one can see you. Maybe the joy in that first public kiss was the joy of seeing and being seen. — Maximillian 'Max' Wong

Warnings: death, attempted murder, gun violence, school shooting, suicide (?), violence, religion as an excuse.

I can definitely see why Excellent Sons is an award winner. It is slightly unusual but romantic with Asian drama vibes, and no I don't say that just because of the primary protagonists' ethnicities there are some goings-on that are very drama-like (and I watch a lot of Asian drama). It shows familial love and dynamics (the good and the bad) and two different kinds of romantic love, the selfless and true and the selfish. I'm going to review as best I can but there will be spoilers for the first half of the book. Most of it will focus on Acts 1: Thunder and Lightening & 3: Into the Unknown, the story of Tristan and Max, there will be some writing on Act 2: The Adventures of Testa di Cazzo. My standard quote list will just become a giant jumble of thoughts I fear. Some warnings to keep in mind when looking into reading Excellent Sons... homophobia, death, attempted murder, gun violence I mean Jesus Grace wtf, school shooting, suicide (?), violence, religion as an excuse. Most of these are around Max and Tristan. If you can get past the potentially troubling themes I recommend this.

Excellent Sons is the story of Tristan James and Maximillian 'Max' Wong, we are introduced to them at 16 and 17 respectively. Tristan is half-American, half-Korean, his parents have a 30-year age gap, his father is almost absent and he is much closer to his mother. (He actually is more support for my sons of a single mothers have higher EQ, his father is that absent). John and Grace have something of an odd dynamic. But it's not until later in the book that we find out how odd and why. Max is the son of a single father after his mother died when he was so young he cannot remember her. Ethnically quarter Jamaican, three-quarters Chinese but raised in America. While he was raised by his father, his wife's sisters were there having an input too, Kaleisha, Tianara and Tashelle. Excellent Sons is a story about balancing yourself, your needs and parental/cultural expectation (in particular filial piety). The phrase excellent son/s is key when that is said to Tristan or Max it is a sign of respect, acceptance, welcome and love. Tristan was always his mother's excellent son until he met Max and started to figure out what he wanted in life. He was still an excellent son but that is not how Grace perceived it.

Max and Tristan utilise two tropes wrong side of the tracks and the sunshine and grump trope, a personal fave. The act is titled Thunder and Lightening to honour this. "I liked that all the nicknames recognized us as individuals but also acknowledged our partnership. And I suppose I should admit I rather liked Thunder and Lightning. I was thunder, they said, because I’m always scowling, dark and stormy. And Tristan is Lightning because he is all smiles and glittering light."(Max) Their other nickname was Bam Bam (Tristan) and Poe (Max) from a West Indian neighbour "To get the joke, you need to know Bam Bam is West Indian slang for your butt. Poe is slang for a chamber pot." (Max). Essentially these nicknames show one thing, you don't get one without the other and once they came out they were largely accepted at school and in Max's circle. They really aren't by Tristan's church-going community where he plays the organ. And certainly not by his best friend, Judy. Judy is A LOT she's a 16-17-year-old girl and acts like it. in love with her best friend, she is unwilling to accept that he doesn't want her back let alone his sexuality. There are moments the truth almost comes out.

Grace is furious with her sons relationship. She blames Max for corrupting Tristan, for making her son gay. After trying to break them up through Tristan, Max, John, and Max's parents in any way she can think of, when she gets fails and gets desperate she shoots Max. This causes the families to cope as best they can. They chose to keep Tristan and Max apart, John takes Trisan to Korea to bury Grace in her homeland, then enrols him in a school in Paris. Max moves school. Tristan and Max cannot let go of each other as much as everyone wishes they would find a new partner. Tristan meets Javier a promiscuous, fun-loving, guy about the same age but who has no parental figures at all. Javier is kind of adopted by John to the point where he calls John, Papa. The friendship between Javier is a joy to behold there is no crush or will they won't they or even a discussion between them about them being in a relationship. They just are. They are just gay friends who are closer to brothers. Javier is no threat to Max and that isn't his point, he replaces Judy in the best possible way. He has all the loyalty she should have had.

Honestly, this is just a beautiful and simple enough story of love and loyalty Max and Tristan are loveable, at least somewhat relatable and well thought out. They run on passion. Their first time together is unusual in the pouring rain (and nonexplicit bless the author that knows their limits, also they are underage). How the whole way they come back together is lovely, it suits them. They are older, wiser and just fall back together. All of it happens almost as a fluke or an act of fate. I do like the families, the growth among them and the love. Found families included. It all hits the perfect emotional tones.

Act 2: The Adventures of Testa di Cazzo is legitimately an erotic retelling of Pinocchio and a serious swerve into wtf wierdsville. Testa di Cazzo is our Pinocchio, rather than being a puppet, he's a dildo. He convinces his owner Joseph Collodi (aka the Geppetto character) to give him a body and life, look don't think about it, there is no logic here. Cazzo promises to be faithful to Joseph, what do you think grows when he isn't? Hint, it's not his nose 🍆. So I mentioned that we see two kinds of love in Excellent Sons. Well in Cazzo's story we are shown the side that leaves you alone broken and desperate for what could have been. In Cazzo's case twice with Gad and with Joseph. It's also a more adult story. And shows the sex work industry in its harsh but profitable light. The ending... that's just pain. He's all alone in the world. The only person who may have been his friend is dying or dead. But it is kinda a testament to love in its own unique way.

It is clearly marked as a separate, standalone story. Where the chapters of Acts 1 and 3, Max and Tristan's stories are simply numbered with Arabic numerals and given an indication of the narrator Act 2 has Roman numerals and subtitles. Some highlights from there include "A dildo, my friend, a dildo (Joseph gets advice from Cherry)", "Whole men are more trouble than they are worth (Joseph contemplates getting a companion)", "These were wild and stormy nights (Cazzo falls in with Rent Boys)" and "Cry me a fucking river (Cazzo returns to Joseph)". To add my favourites would put us into spoiler territory. While there are similarities in the writing style you know it is written by the same person, Cazzo has his own distinct voice, mostly because he's quite dim (Joseph wanted him for his member, so didn't really make sure he had brains) and comes across a bit out of his depth. But this, among other things, means there is definitely a clear humour here that isn't in Max and Tristan's intense story with some of its heavy-hitting emotional blows.

Ending this with a collection of thoughts and quotes, these are all out of order.

I played golf until I was nine, when I switched to tennis. If you’ve ever seen Rafael Nadal in tennis whites, you might understand my sudden infatuation with the sport. — (Tristan) What can I say he's a boy after my own heart.

He talked a blue streak. As we walked, he shared random facts and lame jokes; he commented on things we passed and made up entire life histories for anyone going by who caught his fancy. His nonsense soothed me like healing hands. His voice blew like a cool breeze over my burning flesh. His words, caressing fingers, touched and teased me. — (Max) There is something almost visceral in this moment. It is that peace with a person.

I loved riding my bike because it made me feel free, dangerous, as if I were soaring above the clouds, weightless. With Tristan seated behind me, his arms tight around my waist, I felt anchored, earthbound, safe. I found I no longer wanted to soar free. — (Max) This is such an appealing

Sure I’d misheard him, I was about to ask him to repeat what he’d said, when he suddenly leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. I can’t say he kissed me; the touching of lips was too hesitant, too afraid of its own power to be called a kiss. — (Tristan) This is their first kiss, kind of. It is so soft and sweet. I particularly like this one or the fear of its own power. The kisses, quite a few of the romance milestones feel like they are written a bit from personal experience. I'm not entirely sure why.

Max handed me a motorcycle helmet. Once I put it on, he fastened the strap under my chin. He climbed on the motorcycle and, turning to me, said, “Hop on.” “Where’s your helmet?” “You’re wearing it.” “But what about you?” “I’ll be fine. My head is a lot harder than yours. Now get on.” — (Max and Tristan) Oh god. Danger Children (Manner of Death) vibes. Because yeah I can see a bit of Tristan in Sorn that story in your head thing. That and Max not so much.

Yesterday,” he said, “a five-year-old boy brought a loaded gun to school and discharged it. Someone could have been killed and no one cares. Do you think anyone—least of all me—cares anything about some nasty little word your pea-sized brain farted out to try and hurt me? Boy, get the fuck out of here! I’ve seen more fearsome creatures than you in my sweetest dreams.” — (Tristan) This to someone who called him a faggot and after one of the earliest distressing moments.

“What the hell prompted that? We weren’t even doing anything.” “You realize gay is not an act of doing, it’s a state of being, right?” — (Tristan and Max) This after aforementioned faggot comment.

• “I understand how you’re feeling,” he said gently, “but I want you to remember this. You are both still alive. Where there is life, there is hope. If your relationship was meant to be—and before you ask, I believe it was—you will find each other again.” — (Neville Wong) Neville is one of the most supportive fathers I've read in a book like this probably ever. A chimney sweep by trade he goes out of his way to get information on safe sex for his son and provides him with the necessary protection. He then gives us lines like this. He's fully supportive and it is quite a thing to read.

“Standing up for my right to love Tristan means I have to do the thing I want more than anything not to have to do. This world—people like you—have forced me to grow up sooner than I may have otherwise. I had to become a man at seventeen to find and hold on to the love of my life, simply because he is a he, because we are both hes. “Having people question our relationship, whisper about, and yes, laugh at us means I have to do hard, uncomfortable things, but I will do these hard, uncomfortable things every day until I don’t have to, to make sure I remain worthy of Tristan’s love.” — (Max) This to Grace. And damn is it a powerful moment. Usually, I would have used this as a quote for the book but those two are so much more important to me.

Nothing makes you grow up faster than death and fame. Now, just a few years into my second decade, I found myself hurtling, headlong and unsure, into adulthood. Into the unknown. — (Larry Benjamin) No the author doesn't self-insert. This is the quote attached to Act 3. But it isn't anywhere else. This is perfect for both Max and Tristan. Especially by the conclusion.

“Come in, come in,” I said. “Don’t mind Sister Mary Catherine here. Her first time out of the convent and this happens.” — (Max - To a bellhop) What can I say I laughed.

“I see you’re still wearing black.” “Hey,” he said, “I wear navy blue now, too.” “What else has changed about you, Max?” “Everything. Nothing.” “I want to know everything.” — (Tristan and Max) I feel this in my Melbournian soul. Give me all the black. I also love the

Music is romance and love and passion and endless possibility; I’d had enough of all four. Math is fixed, predictable; there can only be one answer to every problem. — (Tristan) For someone with a passionate soul this makes me sad. This is one of those few books that I have post canon thoughts on. I want them to be happy. I want Max to make his musical, I want Tristan to go back to making music. I want him to go back to being creative again.

He was leading. He was definitely leading. But if he was Fred Astaire, I was Ginger Rogers, matching him step for step, pleasure given for pleasure extracted, but doing it backwards and in heels. — (Tristan) I don't know why I like this quote so much. It suits them and their harmony, balance.

Did other generations—did my parents—worry about death and destruction when they attended school each day? I wondered idly. My thoughts, as morbid as they were, had at least kept me from worrying about Max. — (Tristan) & I understood their anxiety because it was mine, too. The drills had never bothered me before. Before Tristan. Now I had Tristan in my life, it was different. Everything was different. — (Max) These dual quotes are from an active shooter drill. I like the thoughts. Max's is so passionate, a sign of how fast he is falling for Tristan. Tristan's made me stop and think. His Father who is around 60 may have dealt with a different set of drills, the cold war nuclear bombs. But other than that no not really not to the extent millennials and gen Z have. That constant threat of a shooter, the near expectation that it will at some point happen during your schooling.

Nothing in Excellent Sons is meaningless. Basically, everything is relevant on some level later in the book. I think it might be a book worth rereading to see exactly how blindingly obvious everything is, and how much I missed.

There is so much queer supporting queer here. But the moment on the tram, the ice cream truck and Mrs C. It's all queer supporting queer.

There was a moment when Max woke up and finds out about everything that had happened all I wanted to do then was weep for him For all that had happened to him, all he had lost.

The relationship between Salt and John is done so well. There is grey there. We are definitely lead to believe something but it could have been unrequited.

Tristan's house is house p*rn. It's stunning and I'm want to see it as the author did, as a visualisation of it.

A recommendation if you enjoy Excellent Sons. There are echoes of this in Daryl Banner's When I See You Again. While this only works in two time frames, Banner's follows one couple, Beau and Caleb through their whole life from 5 to 40 and beyond. I couldn't help thinking about the two together when I finished.

One of the questions that is asked by Larry Benjamin (through Max) is “So many people, all trying to do the right thing for the wrong reasons. I wonder—if you are coming from a good place but make bad decisions, does it still count against you? Making a bad decision for the right reason?” “I don’t know.” (Max and Tristan). I've included Tristan's response because while we see it from their perspective, are somewhat emotionally involved in their relationship and want their happiness together look at it from the parents' perspectives. After everything that is happened, everything Max and Tristan have been through at their ages (17 and 18 respectively) isn't everything going to be better if they aren't forced to be reminded of that trauma, not necessarily by each other, but by the whispers? Okay and by each other. And who finds the only person they'll ever love at 16 and 17? Isn't it better to have these joyful memories with this bitter end than for the relationship to blow up and have it all be for naught? It does feel manipulative but they really did just want the best for their sons. Personally, I think the answer to Benjamin/Max's question is Tristan's I don't know.

[booksandwords]

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

Read time: 7 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: Shouldn't terminal illness, then, be the perfect gift to that young man who had wanted to understand death? What better way to understand it than to live it? But I'd had no idea how hard it would be, how much terrain I would have to explore, map, settle. I'd always imagined the doctor's work as something like connecting two pieces of railway track, allowing a smooth journey for the patient, I hadn't expected to protect of facing my own mortality to be so disorientating, so dislocating. — Paul Kalanithi

First up I need to say is that Paul Kalanithi had a way with words. He knew exactly how to write efficiently but with flow and in a comfortable near conversational style. And importantly how to write to an audience, in this case, a broad lesser one. I found myself thinking that if by some miracle Paul had survived his third bout of cancer possibly the cruellest for someone with his skills and interests, he could have been a gifted motivational speaker. I'm not talking in the cancer survival stream I'm talking in the death positive movement, that discussion of the meeting between neuroscience and literature, philosophy or general medical discussion targeted at a broader audience. Some of these could be broadly appealing much like seeing a recipient of the Victoria's Cross speak not about their traumatic experience but about what drove them to that point. I saw Mark Donaldson, VC speak to a classroom of teachers it's one of the more powerful and enlightening presentations I've seen.

This is a hard book to review. It is one person's very personal experience with life and death. I saw a review refer to it as how the rich people die. I mean that isn't wrong necessarily but it is still how Paul Kalanithi experienced his life and dying, it is just one perspective and a rather unique one at that. Paul's interests were in literature, neurosurgery-neuroscience and understanding death. He was a well educated and scary intelligent man while maintaining a sense of empathy with his patients.

One of the first things I picked up on was that the most important people in Paul's life, certainly in the second part of the book, are female. His wife Lucy and his oncologist Emma. Even one of the two fellow residents he was closest to was a woman, Victoria. One of his pivotal patients was a woman, she taught him to humanise patients. I think even his first death was female. There are many men but they are seemingly not given the same honour or perhaps more incidental important placement in his life. Either way, the women shaped his life. Briefly on Lucy. Lucy is one of the more interesting wives I've ever read in an auto/biography. Lucy is in the medical field herself, in internal medicine and I suspect a high-level one. Not long after Lucy is introduced to the reader in the prologue she says to Paul she wants a break, he can go to New York alone. Not because she doesn't love him anymore but because they have drifted apart as the pressures of their residences hitting home. But when he calls from the hospital after reading his own lung scan she still comes with ease and stands by him until the end. Actually, Lucy goes far beyond what I can see many women being willing to do... after Paul's first recovery they decide to have a child. Both are fully aware that with each relapse Paul faces his life expectancy is lower which will end with Lucy raising their child alone. Alone is a bit of a stretch we also get to see Paul's close family who will undoubtedly stand with and aid Lucy in raising Cady. Them and people like Victoria who was Paul's fellow resident and cared for Cady in Paul's last days. Lucy's epilogue made me cry, as I knew it would. She honours her husband's wishes and shows us respectfully his final moments but leaving the whole book with a positive final tone.

The book itself and the format do need to be noted. 250 pages this is on the shorter side and it is unfinished, though when you read the last lines it kinda doesn't feel like it. When Breath Becomes Air has a forward by Abraham Verghese and an epilogue by Lucy Kalanithi. Lucy is obvious, Verghese less so. He does explain their connection and how the writing choice came about. The book as written by Paul Kalanithi is in three parts, the prologue, Part I: In Perfect Health I Begin and Part II: Cease Not till Death. The prologue is an introduction of a sort Paul throws the reader into the deep end as they read his diagnosis and the state of his relationship. Part one is the biographic section, everything up until where the prologue begins including some of his family life and his medical training. Part two is him dealing with his diagnosis, treatment and subsequent decline.

Most of the rest of this review will just be a dump of fave lines and thoughts from my reading.

Be ready. Be seated. See what courage sounds like. See how brave it is to reveal yourself in this way. But above all, see what it is to still live, to profoundly influence the lives of others after you are one. — This is the start of the last paragraph in the forward. The forward is passionate and clearly written by someone who is academically minded but with a good eye for audience. (Abraham Verghese, p.xix)

I felt less like someone preparing to climb a career ladder than a buzzing electron about to achieve escape velocity, flinging out into a strange and sparkling universe. — I like the imagery this creates. (p.19-20)

He read 1984 at 10? Jesus. How do you even comprehend that level of text then? There is a whole really interesting reading list included here. Books he read by choice at a young age or under the guidance of his mother. Sujatha Kalanithi was not only a tiger mother but a force of nature. She almost single-handedly revolutionised the education system of their small Arzaonian town.

Books became my closest confidants, finely ground lenses providing new views of the world. — My librarian self truly appreciates the quote. (p.27)

What makes human life meaningful? I still felt literature provided the best amount of the life of the mind, while neuroscience laid down the most elegant rules of the brain. — (p.31)

There is a whole section visiting a home for young people who have suffered a brain injury. It leads to a moral discussion of life, death, family, duty and abandonment. I know where I stand on life vs death (which is the same place as the professor) but the whole section can be a bit confronting.

I had to look up pathos and bathos because I didn't know it. Because I'm betting I'm not the only one... "The two words Pathos and Bathos are related in meaning as well as in sound, yet they are not interchangeable. The key difference between pathos and bathos is that the word pathos is about evoking pity and sympathy whereas bathos refers to a sudden change from a serious, deeply moving, important act to a foolish or a trivial episode in a literary work." (source: Difference Between)

Cadaver dissection epitomises, for many, the transformation of the somber, respectful student into the callous, arrogant doctor. — The section on cadaver/ donor dissection is fascinating, the way it changes a person cannot be understated. I appreciate the inclusion of those moments of realisation of 'oh... that could be me or someone I love'. This section talks about the forced sterility and anonymisation of donor bodies creating issues further down the line for doctors. I want to direct people to the work of Ernest Talarico at Indiana University Northwest. For near a decade now he has been encouraging his students to use the cadaver's names, learn their histories and know their families, so these are not just pieces of meat. (p.44)

What had not changed, though, was the heroic spirit of responsibility amid blood and failure. The struck me as the true image of a doctor. — This is on the evolution of medical education between Shep Nuland's time and Paul's. (p.54)

This kind of egotism struck me as antithetical to medicine and, it should be noted, entirely reasonable. Indeed this is how 99 percent of people select their jobs: pay, work environment, hours. But that's the point. Putting lifestyle first is how you find a job—not a calling. (p.69)

Paul has a rather succinct take on the difference between doctors and neurosurgeons. Neurosurgeons are required to manipulate the very thing that makes up our identity, doctors treat the surface. Neurosurgeons require empathy.

Still, when you work in a hospital, the papers you aren't just papers: they are fragments of narrative filed with risks and triumphs. — (p.73)

At one point Paul provides a list of a few of the people he saw die. The third on the list is the one that caught my attention. "A man who'd had a minor neurosurgical procedure to treat lightning bolts of pain that were shooting through his face: a tiny drop of liquid cement had been placed on the suspect nerve to keep a vein from pressing on it. A week later, he developed massive headaches. Nearly every test was run, but no diagnosis was ever identified." (p.77-8). Not that any of them were a particularly good way to die but this one felt just felt like a particularly painful way. Worse there were never any answers for the patient's family or the medical staff. There could have been so much guilt here.

As my skills increased, so did my responsibility. Learning to judge whose lives could be saved, whose couldn't be, and whose shouldn't be requires an unattainable prognostic ability. — I know surgeons are accused of playing god and going power-mad because of it but as someone who lived around someone who at least some family members acknowledge shouldn't have lived through an accident. His quality of life was atrocious, exposure to him and his experience did influence the younger generation. (p.80)

Jeff, Paul and their whole senator barometer head-injury severity made me smile. It probably shouldn't have but it did. You have to find some light in the darkness and that is just effective.

Any major illness transforms a patient's—really, an entire family's—life. But brian diseases have the additional strangeness of the esoteric. — Just yes. Ask anyone with one and they will tell you how hard it is not only for them but for loved ones. Especially at the items of diagnosis and upheaval. My brother and I are both epileptics neither of us was diagnosed until we were 20/1, 3 years apart. It is disruptive, to say the least. (p.90)

Jesus is it possible to be born without a brain? Oh man, it is. It's called Anencephaly. It's a type of neural tube defect. Noah Wall and Jaxon Buell are probably the two best-known exceptions to the rule that babies will only live hours or at best days.

By a freak coincidence, Paul ended up in the best possible place to receive his treatment. One of the best oncologists in America, Emma works in the hospitals around his area and is assigned to his case. Emma is a wonderful woman. Emma is a smart empathic doctor, even if Paul is at first unwilling to see it. His push for the Kaplan-Meier position, her resistance. He knows too much. She is a little concerned about what he'll do when he knows. Their philosophical discussions and discussion of identity are both interesting. He got really lucky with Emma.

The tricky part of illness is that, as you go through it, your values are constantly changing. You try to figure out what matters to you, and you keep figuring it out. — This is a key to treatment. But this applies to any illness that is fatal or long term. (p.160)

I do appreciate his evolving take on religion. There is a fascinating take on science, religion and atheism. Essentially coming down to you can't have religion without science or science without religion.

Once again, I had travelled the line from doctor to patient, from actor o acted upon, from subject to direct object. — This is not the first time this thought appears (obviously) but I really like it. This idea, this transition is core to the book in general and shown on the cover. Scrubs on the front, patient gown on the back. Both were at times part of his identity. (p.180)

There are some times when you are reading biographies (and fiction) you just want to slap someone across the face. Brad is one of those people. Brad and his discomfort in waking a fellow or attending, whom would I assume be on call for such an issue. 😡 His medication, Tarceva, may or may not have been causing his issues but once Emma, his doctor of record, is mentioned and the patient proves his knowledge it is not your call. 🤬 (I may nor may not have faced his issue at some point though not for this sort of critical med).

I had a slightly alarming moment about 2 thirds of the way through When Breath Becomes Air when I realised that I'm only two years younger than Paul was when he was diagnosed with his cancer. That gave me two things an inferiority complex when I looked at his achievements and fear. I have what I consider low-level hypochondria anyway but that whole this happened and I was sick as I was reading was not a fun experience. There are actually two things listed that do have some relevance to me one is the hyponatremia, though not nearly as severe as Paul's and the temporal lobectomy which I may actually be looking at to have at some point.

I can see where the controversy for Paul Kalanithi's book is. Much of it comes from the way he talks and a lot of people don't quite understand that calm acceptance of death. I've been moving into a more death positive mind space these days and was already firmly entrenched in my right to die mindset. There were a few moments of confronting writing that I didn't expect particularly the scene with the cadavers. Paul wrote everyone with respect and dignity and left the world with some wonderful writing, his final written words are for his beloved daughter Cady. The whole journey is emotional from diagnosis, to Cady's birth, to Jeff and Lucy's description of his death. Even if there are tones of right to right and bodily autonomy involved. The world has actually lost much more than it initially appears with the death of Paul Kalanithi father, husband, brother, son and surgeon. I recommend it if the blurb appeals to you.

2nd quote: It's just tragic enough and just imaginable enough. [The Reader] can get into these shoes, walk a bit and say ' to that's what it looks like from here ... sooner or later I'll be back here in my own shoes.' That's what I'm aiming for, I think. Not the sensationalism of dying, and not exhortations to gather rosebuds, but: Here's what lies up the road." — Paul to his best friend Robin

[booksandwords]

2 Sisters Detective Agency by James Patterson and Candice Fox

Read time: 5 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: "Did you body-shame Dad too, or am I just lucky?" I asked. "That's different," Baby said. "It's okay for guys to be fat," "Excuse me," I said to the servers as she topped up my coffee. "Cold you please tell me what year it is? My daughter here thinks it's 1959." — Rhonda Bird and Baby Bird (p.116)

I'm so glad I read this. I do recommend reading it, it gives me very slight Women's Murder Club vibes and sets up a longer series well. Rhonda Bird is such a surprise packet. When she is introduced to the reader you could have knocked me other with a feather. "As big as I am—260 pounds, some of it well earned muscle and some of it long-maintained fat—there's no point trying to fit in with the crowd. The pink hair was just the latest shade in a rotating kaleidoscope of colors I applied to my half shaved, wavy quiff, and I always wore rock band shirts in the courtroom under my blazer." (p.4, and this doesn't even include her car). Her description is just so visible and to me at least she is a bit unique among protagonists. When was the last time you read a protagonist with such size? And she owns it, doesn't allow people to look down on her for it. Barbara Ann "Baby" Bird is so different. It was often really hard for me to remember how old she isn't. That said damn she's smart.

On the plot in a way predictable, in a way not so much. The way the characters layer together in different ways is enjoyable. The multitude of villains are diverse and want different things. The villainous characters are different levels of criminal, we know some of their backstories. Comeuppance is relative in this story. There are also some innocents included but they too are multidimensional. There are some points that will likely make you just say wait... what? Yes, Perry Tuddy I'm looking at you and you're whole freakish thing. His exact words are "Freak. Big freak. How can I help you, my freaky friend?" (p.186) The whole Bruhs and Queen of the party made me laugh and question. These moments compensate for moments of darkness that aren't distressing but not far off it.

On the writing style, 2 Sisters Detective Agency does roll through multiple perspectives throughout the book. Of interest is the use of povs. Rhonda is the primary pov written primarily in the first person. We are in her head and seeing the world through her eyes. Everyone else, all villains (Vera and Jacob primarily), are written in the third person. We just watch them, sometimes a true blessing (btw warnings for torture, death, drugs, violence, vaping if that is a problem for you and all kinds of problems). I do like the use of the rolling perspectives it can make the whole this a very visual experience. Smartly all the characters have different voices. It all combines well for an enjoyable read. There are some moments where you really get an indication of the intended of 2 Sisters Detective Agency specifically the choice in celebrity names, they are nineties references being made by kids that wouldn't necessarily have known them. But the references would be known by the audience that Patterson and Fox think will be reading it. I was quite surprised when I read that co-author, Candice Fox, is Australian. To me there was little to no evidence of it, usually, I can catch glimpses of it. I'm honestly trying to decide if I'm disappointed or not.

"Look, it's hard to explain, but... I think I saw your freak flag." "My freak flag?" "Yeah," I said. I showed him my tattooed arms, gestured to my pink hair. "I mean, look at me. You can spot me a mile away I fly my freak flag proudly. But you—you're more subtle." — Perry is an interesting character. His addiction is one of the strangest things I've ever read. I'm not going to spoil it even if I could with the completion of this quote or a couple of others. (Rhonda Bird and Perry Tuddy, p.184)

"I don't spend a lot of time looking at pictures of dead bodies," I said "Neither do I." He shrugged. "But this young man is no longer in pain, if that's what's disturbing you." — This is an interesting moment. Rhonda is a lawyer used to helping these kids. This line of he's no longer in pain was possibly the best way to help her in this moment. I also really like the line. (Rhonda Bird and Perry Tuddy, p.188)

"I'm not going anywhere. You can push me and push me and push me, but I'm not going to go away. Dad's gone out of our lives for good, and I'm here to stay. And those are two realities you have to deal with." — This line is glorious. It is their relationship... well aside from the occasional sisterly pettiness. (Rhonda Bird, p.231)

Read for Dymocks 2022 Reading Challenge. Filling the prompt: "Number in the title" 2 Sisters Detective Agency has been the book I intended to read for this prompt from the time I saw the title and the prompt. I don't read a lot of this genre and better yet this promised to be female lead. 🕵🏼‍♀️