#each other that they also trauma bonded in life and decided they’re going to be the best of friends despite not even knowing of each other

[coremichael]

worst part about reading a good fanfic from a good author who doesn’t realize how good their writing is that they create unique character dynamics that are so good, so hilariously good, that you want more content about them and it drives you crazy knowing you won’t see the same dynamic elsewhere because it’s just uniquely from THIS author and the author isn’t gonna do anything about it because they’re not even the focus of the story they’re just background characters

[the-maid-of-witchwood]

Gimme your favourite au ideas and who you'd throw into them (or like one au idea you like because you have like the neatest ideas)

Again, I’m gonna pull out a list of AUs I have previously written because I’m way too prepared for this.

Carrie AU 2.0

Has no relation to the first beyond being another play on Carrie. The whole thing takes place at the Starlight Theatre where Ruth ends up playing the lead in Cinderella’s Castle. Zoey, pissed and bitter about playing second fiddle to some dorky soprano, just decides to trash her opening night. Or the one where Zoey takes method acting as the Stepmother too far. (If you’ve seen CC, you’ll know what I’m hinting at). Ruth snaps and wipes out half of Hatchetfield before curtain call.

Also Lautity are here just flirting in the background the entire time. Like, they are the only survivors because they thought the other looked good in this hot all done up and left to make out.

Cinderella’s Castle

The one where Stephanie doesn’t have a good time. I’ve already spoken about it on here but it’s essentially the plot of CC but set in Hatchetfield, with some of the lore weaved in. Just for fun and angst. So you know she’s being dragged through that ringer.

Corpse Bride

Pete is Victor, Grace is Victoria, Steph is Emily. Need I say more?

Crossed Timelines

Having been killed by Max, Ruth and Richie wake up in some random location with Pete, Steph and Grace. But it’s not their Pete, Steph and Grace. It’s the ones from another universe where Max killed them three instead of Ruth and Richie. Basically everyone argues who had it worst and trauma bonds. Essentially reincarnation.

Dæmons (His Dark Materials)

Just shenanigans involving everyone having dæmons. That’s it. Mainly fluff and chaos.

Dirty Dudes Must Die

Written as a mock Nightmare Time episode. Essentially follows Steph discovering the guys at school being shitty to Grace, the school refusing to do anything, Grace getting kicked out of home for ‘sleeping around’ and subsequently her deciding to take revenge. Only things go horribly wrong and she ends up with four bodies on her hands. Fortunately the nerds who keep getting in the way are more than happy to help.

Hatchet Swung the Other Way

Gabe is the bully and everything changes. Not really. Essentially just a role swap: the cool kids are now the losers and vice versa, Gabe - Max, Grace - Steph, Steph - Pete, and so on and so forth. Potentially might take place at Abstinence Camp.

Heathers

When Richie said he hated Stephanie Lauter and wanted her dead, he didn’t mean it literally. Would be nice if Max knew that. Also it’s totally unfair that he has to put up with her annoying ghost instead of Max when it wasn’t even his fault she was stupid enough to drink drain cleaner in the first place—

Ride the Cyclone Tearjerker

Six teenagers die at Watcher World. However, Miss Holloway refuses to let Blinky torture all of them - so they reach a deal, she can bring one back to life. However, rather than pick herself, she leaves the decision to the teenagers. Aka, Ruth lets out her inner theatre kid for an hour and a bit; Steph and Richie attempt to kill each other a second time; Grace has a mental breakdown/crisis of faith in the corner; Pete is literally the only ‘normal’ one; and Max honestly doesn’t know why he’s here.

Sail Away to Canada

An alternative NPMD ending where they do actually sail away to Canada and get new identities. A lot more slice of life and silly scenarios of them trying to remain undercover… until Solomon drags them back to deal with the mess (Max’s ghost) they left behind. Only there’s one issue: Grace may or may not have lost the winning card of her chastity to Lautski and they might have to aggressively play Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who’s taking the bullet.

Something Fun, Something Tasty

Another alternative NPMD ending where Steph’s sacrifice isn’t the death of what she cherishes most, but they’re humanity. Pete and Grace struggle to adapt to their new life as… whatever the heck they are now. Monsters? Pets? Vessels? Steph just feels incredibly guilty; she’s also kinda the new Miss Holloway.

Take a Walk in My Shoes

Steph and Grace wake up in each other’s bodies in what they think is just a random nightmare. With the help of Pete, they slowly uncover that there’s something a lot more sinister going on at Abstinence Camp. And maybe a certain deal that was stuck between Mayor Lauter and the Jerries over a black book…

The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals

Essentially TGWDLM but Pete is Paul. And he has the unfortunate fate of losing one girlfriend to the apocalypse, while trying to escape with the other. This definitely isn’t something that’ll be used against him in the final act…

[plagueislost]

I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ON JASON WING AU THE WAY HIS WINGS CHANGED AND SUCH

do other people who use the lazurus pit experience changes in their wings or was it bc he changed as a person before/after his death

do you think people who go through trauma experience changes in their wings

also what does family preening look like

i am obsessed with the wing au

THANK YOU FOR ASKING I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS AU.

i originally got the idea of his wings turning white from that streak in his hair that appeared after the resurrection. i figured hey, if the lazarus waters can do that to someone’s hair, it can probably do that to their wings too, right? it allows for Bruce to not realize Jason is Red Hood for a little bit longer, and it lets you visually separate these two halves of Jason’s life.

I honestly got pretty lucky that pigeons and doves are the same type of bird, and that their symbolic meanings are so contrasting. Jason was a street rat before the resurrection. even after becoming robin, his entire outlook on life was informed by his experience on the streets, and his wings reflected that.

after the resurrection, he becomes in a way haunted by his previous life, and is stuck in a state of grief over what he lost and what he can never again be (robin, bruce wayne’s son, whatever). doves are a symbol of peace, which is a nice contrast to the red hood persona, but they’re also a symbol of grief and mourning (well, technically mourning doves are but shhhhh).

I imagine that since Jason is the first to be revived fully from the dead by the lazarus pits, he is the only one to have experienced significant change in his wings. it’s possible Ra’s might have some white speckling from frequent exposure to the pits, but i honestly haven’t decided yet.

about the trauma causing changes in wings thing, most likely it wouldn’t be anything so drastic like Jason’s change but it can definitely leave lasting effects. i heard somewhere that birds in very stressful situations will over-preen themselves, essentially plucking out perfectly healthy feathers until skin is exposed. This is probably a behavior that would manifest in people in this world too, as a form of self harm. It’d be pretty hard to hide, though, so if someone were trying to keep up appearances they’d likely search for other avenues.

lastly, family preening i’d say is similar to social grooming behaviors in apes or birds. I’m not sure about the social structures behind preening in birds, but i know a lot of species will groom each other in order to bond. We don’t see a lot of social grooming in humans because we’re able to stay rather clean on our own, but i’m sure that would be a different story if we had large appendages in hard to reach places covered in feathers that won’t necessarily fall out on their own when they need to.

social preening would look different on a case-by-case basis, depending on living situations and interpersonal relationships. for example, someone who lives alone would probably invite friends over so they can preen one another in a giant pile on the floor, but a group of people living together wouldn’t need to make an event of it and would just idly groom each other while watching tv or something. people probably sell tools that allow you to get to those hard to reach place on your own if you don’t have anyone to preen you, but they aren’t a huge industry. also, you can go a while without preening before it gets dangerous, but it’s uncomfortable and itchy the whole time. with the Wayne foundation, theres likely preening centers across Gotham where individuals (homeless or otherwise) can get their wings preened if they don’t have anyone to preen them and can’t afford the tools.

Jason is still pretty testy about preening now, but before he reconciled with Bruce, his wings were in a constant state of disrepair. He had the money (from crimelord-ing) to pay for the tools to preen himself, but he wasn’t taking very good care of himself overall during that period, so it took a back seat.

thanks for indulging me with this au you guys have been very kind about it :)

[thementalshawty]

PAC WHAT TYPE OF LOVE IS ENTERING YOUR LIFE?

Hey my baby babes! Here is the reading I promised you guys!!! This reading been on my mind since I did the last one honestly and I’m guessing some of you are curious but instead of asking spirit of love is coming into your life I’m going to ask what kind of love because love comes in our life everyday in big and small ways so I decided to ask in what way love is entering your lives soon.

🧟🧟‍♂️🧟🧟‍♂️🧟🧟‍♂️🧟🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️

Pile 1

Now I know a lot of you are thinking the worse when you see this card but I’m not getting anything negative or low energetic about this love coming in. Actually quite the opposite, I heard liberating. There’s something here that you and this person share in common that’s coming in, honestly the kind of love I’m hearing is through a trauma bond maybe? I’m seeing two people praising one god or goddess. I’m seeing that it may be a friendship here. It can be a same sex love too if that’s what you’re into, I see carnal pleasure being fulfilled here, friends with benefits for sure!!! I’m not getting romantic vibes honestly from this, I’m seeing this love is a love that helps you break the chain that you are currently in, you can be in a cycle that you’re completely unaware of. This person can be a Capricorn, be Capricornic, they are not a satanist or satanic and even if they’re into that they’re not into bringing you into it I’m hearing sacred so what they believe in is very sacred they very RARELY SHARE THAT! This is why again I don’t feel it’s a romantic love it can even be a new belief that’s coming and not a person if you get my drift or some kind of inspiration, love comes in very many a way so we need to look for something deeper sometimes and this isn’t a romantic love, I’m seeing it can be sexual or passionate though here, exploring each others carnal fantasies! so fuccin funny the bottom of the decc is the 8oS! so even more confirmation! You’re gaining freedom from whatever chain you’ve got going on in your head! Youre binded to a thought about yourself some kind of belief and I see it coming undone and since there’s two people I do believe someone else is involved but again idk if it’s romantic im still not seeing it go anywhere more than some wild nights together frfr but i see you’ll be so beyond happy you met this person it’s like a pent up farmer girl who becomes friends with the free spirited city girl roommate showing her how to let loose vibes. That’s very much the energy im getting from this pile, you may be meeting your bestie here guys!!!

Thanks for Reading.

🍎🍏🍎🍎🍏🍎🍏🍎🍏🍎🍏

Pile 2

So the kind of love I see coming into your life isn’t romantically at all, welp, you or this person may see it that way, I’m seeing some kind of delusionary connection that’s coming into your life, it’s almost like it’s too good to be true, this person and it’s not that they’re not good it’s just like, they aren’t really into love or I’m seeing they’re not into you like that but you want them too be or you feel they might be or it can be that they feel this way about you and you don’t about them. There’s some kind of imbalance here between you and this person it can also be a disconnect from your heart and this love that’s coming in will help you reconnect with the badass mf that is you. I’m seeing that one of you could be hurt by love and emotions, hiding your cup and forcing it away, but this love will help you want to offer your cup but I don’t see it happening early on, I see this is a slow to romance connection if there’s any chance or possibility! If not then it’s a crush frfr that’s going to go south and you’ll realize this person HAS NOOOOOOOO feelings for you at all and that shit may destroy you, I’m sorry but it’s reality I feel like this connection is so delusionary that you can get lost in the wishful thinking, maybe they drop hints of affection or your misreading them. At the bottom of the deck you have the 2oP! so I’m seeing that there may be TWO types of love coming in, or a decision has to be made, maybe you wanted to date two people at the same time and it’s just not happening right for you, also I’m hearing your crush could be denying you but then someone else likes you, that you’re not even noticing it’s giving 5oC energy you’re only looking at what spilled and not even paying attention to what’s new and being offered. You will need to decide who you’re going to give your cup too because one of the choices are definite more romantic, balanced and will work out for you more than the other one. The choice is yours. Also I’m seeing some money coming in so you can chill, I feel like you are someone who never stops to take a break or breathe or nothing and this connection or this love that’s coming in whether it be a person promotion or both is some kind of disappointment, it’s going to help bring balance and control back into your life and it feels like you’ve been falling of your rotational strength as of late don’t worry baby you’ll get it bacc I promise. Don’t lose hope I’m hearing. I’m hearing that if it is a person that’s not for you don’t think less of you someone else is coming or is already there and you’re jus not giving them the time of day or you don’t think they want you either! I want more information about this one I will upload a deeper meaning to the reading on my Patreon.

Thanks for reading.

⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥

Pile 3

Now this kind of love is straight up TOXIC! I see that this is not romantic it all it just involves a woman or someone who identifies themselves with more feminine energies. This person is an energy vampire but I see you taking bacc what was stolen. I see that this can be a friend or family member but I’m seeing that this person is a emotional manipulator that love to play cat and mouse game to end up on top this person can be a water sign frfr cancer vibes mostly, this person is very low vibes and and energy they don’t want to do anything but cause chaos and destruction! You don’t need that in your life, like all the readings I’m seeing that this love coming in is bringing in major clarity it can be someone or something that helps you see the toxic person for what they are and take back your energy it’s giving that song by botdf bewitched. (I don’t stand with Dahvie but Jay Vanity (DAHLI) is my heart). I see that this person is used to being put on a pedestal by someone whether it be you or the ones around them, either way they’re very spoiled and they’re no good for you! I’m seeing that you’re going to finally see the truth for what it is. This person brings drama and dark clouds you’re going to want nothing to do with this person and you’re going to reclaim all of your power! its almost like whatever draining you will be poured back into you. You’re rubber, they’re glue what they do bounces off you and sticks back to them! You will also feel so liberated hmm this may be connected to pile 1 so if you felt pulled there then this may be the answer cos I think this is the part 2 or the more information it’s giving freedom too, but this is from an actual person it can be a negative ex you may be going too or friend someone that you let slide always on their shit I’m seeing that it’s going to end and that you’ll realize this person again it can even be you just being in low vibrational space and you’re finally becoming self conscious and doing something about it whether then just waiting for someone to come help. Self care is needed!! So self love is coming into your life fashoooooo SELF SELF SELF! Go and treat yourself to some grade A fun you deserve it.

Thank you for reading.

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

And just like that folks we are done I hope that this reading brought clarity and you guys enjoy it!

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Do you have any Delta and/or Beta headcanons?

I like to think their system operates somewhat similar to a fusion from Steven Universe. Most of the time they are Delta —and appear to be like a singlet.

The reason for this is because Sans is legitimately struggling to operate as only Sans, as separate from the Bravery soul. So for awhile, Sans and the Bravery soul were fused together as Delta, because it gave Sans the bravery to continue functioning.

Eventually, however, it fell apart. I’d like to think it started actually when the bravery soul started remembering more about his previous life—and he could no longer simply function as just Bravery.

Perhaps this was also around the time when either Color and Epic seemed to drift more away towards Killer and Cross, or even around the time they moved out.

With both Beta and Sans struggling so much separately and unable to maintain a fusion, they decided to seek out therapy for themselves and figure out how to work together.

Because now that Beta was gaining more..individuality and self awareness i suppose, developing more but also remembering more, their teamwork was also starting to fall apart.

With time and effort, the two manage to learn to find balance as separate individuals sharing a body, and a mind, and a life.

And they start using their fusion as Delta as a way to find comfort and stability, to try and be closer too, instead of just purely as a last restore lifeline because they couldn’t Sans was struggling with depression and PTSD and the Bravery soul was not just a fully separate, developed individual capable of functioning without Sans in the body fused or blended with it.

Everyone out in the external multiverse will refer to them as Delta, regardless of if they’re actually fused together or not. But as home, in private, with their friends and family—they alternate between their names as Beta and Sans, and Delta when they’re not just Beta or just Sans.

I like to think the animals in the Chromatic Crew household can definitely tell the difference, too.

I also like to think that Delta doesn’t often have amnesia barriers between their two halves, even when they’re not fused together.

There’s still definitely dissociation of course, particularly when encountering a trauma trigger for either Sans or Beta that either triggers one to the front immediately or destabilizes the fusion, but most of the time it’s mostly “emotional” amnesia.

I like to think that, unlike Color, Delta doesn’t have a headspace. Whenever the two aren’t fused and only one is fronting, the other usually is watching from the backseat or is “asleep,” as they describe it.

They have always had pretty good internal communication, but during episodes of intense dissociation, they will verbalize their back and forth conversations out loud to each other.

It helps them to stay focused and grounded, even if they have to block out and ignore the external world and its people for a brief moment—and even if that causes people to give them weird looks if it ever happens in public.

Color has never once found these moments strange, even back when he wasn’t aware of that they were two, not one. He would literally just sit and journal while the two just talked to themselves out loud. At the most he would find the sounds of their voices and breathing grating and annoying and would literally just get up and walk away mid conversation.

Delta enjoys sparring with Cross and Swap, I feel. Delta was also the one who encouraged Cross to join him in participating in the Omega Timeline’s Coliseum, and two of them have earned a reputation as a duo.

I like to think that although the Coliseum is Beta’s favorite location in the OT, Grillby’s is actually Sans’.

It was actually on Sans’ idea that Delta first told Color about the existence of that Grillby’s and was the one who suggested going together, hoping to both help his friend and maybe attempt to connect and bond with Color this way. Unfortunately for them both, it didn’t turn out as they were both hoping for.

The food was amazing. But nothing else was anything approaching familiar for Color. Delta had to tell him what his favorite food used to be, and Color thought the jukebox was on the left. He doesn’t remember if Grillby’s ever had a vending machine or not. Delta still goes to this restaurant occasionally, but it somehow felt lonelier than usual—even though he could feel that his two halves were still there with him.

Beta had a panic attack the first time he fronted alone in the body, and the sounds of bones clinking and rattling together still sends him into hyperventilating.

Delta likes retro-gaming, thanks to Beta’s half of the fusion. Inspired by Color’s tendency towards hoarding and collecting—specifically photos, journals/notebooks, and music records in Color’s case—Delta also started tentatively collecting older video games and consoles.

Unlike Color who enjoys being on the move after years of being forced and confined to one location, Delta is used to being on the move—both as Beta, but also as Delta traveling and hopping between AUs.

They’re trying to get used to being in one steady location in the Omega Timeline, and trying to allow themselves to trust the stability. Starting with trying to make their home seemed lived in, and allowing possessions that aren’t purely for survival’s sake.

Delta also got the actual delta and beta symbols tattooed somewhere on their body, perhaps around their collarbone or hands. It looks like this:

Not only is it just the symbols of their chosen names together on their shared body, not only are these symbols commonly used in math and science—and so those who love mathematics, science, engineering, etc. may choose to get these symbols as tat—but according to Google, the delta symbol spiritually means;

“In a spiritual context, the delta symbol (Δ) is often associated with change, transformation, and the Holy Trinity, particularly within Christian traditions, and can also represent the concept of a divine ternary or triad.”

And the beta symbol not only means this, but can also means something like;

“In a spiritual context, "beta" can refer to the second letter of the Greek alphabet, often used to denote something secondary or a stage of development, and can also be associated with brainwave activity during alert, focused states.

In Hinduism, "Beta" signifies a term of endearment used by Nimai to address the cowherd boys as his sons, highlighting a deep, affectionate bond and a sense of familial connection within their community

In neuroscience, "beta" brainwaves (12-30 Hz) are associated with alert, active, and focused states, such as when solving problems, making decisions, or engaging in critical thinking.

While not a universally accepted spiritual term, some interpretations link "beta" brainwaves to a more active, external focus, contrasting with the more relaxed, inward-focused states associated with alpha and theta brainwaves.”

I was also thinking that, maybe to remember and honor Frisk, they got the alpha and/or epsilon symbols tattooed on their body, too.

The Alpha not only goes with the Omega—Chara—but is said to represent a beginning, so together they represent “the beginning and the end.” The epsilon is even used to refer to children sometimes. You can find that here.

(Also side note, according to this, “In music, more accurately in jazz, delta represents a major seventh chord.” And I feel that’s something along the lines that Color said to Delta sometime after their first meeting. Because Integrity knew it.)

But I was also thinking maybe Ultratale/Vitaltale Frisk could potentially be nicknamed Theta, because it’s apparently a symbol of death and Thanatos in Ancient Greece, but that felt a little too on the nose. And I didn’t feel like doing extensive research into every Greek alphabet letter at the moment.

And of course, Frisk died in their AU and never went into the Multiverse like Beta and Sans did, so they of course don’t officially have a nickname. So perhaps Sans just gets whatever letter makes him think of them.

[pizzawrench]

my personal stucky/samsteve/sambucky triangle headcanon following along with actual canon including endgame is that stucky were in love and did act on it in stolen moments here and there but never really talked abt it or let anyone else know except maybe the commandos on accident. but steve also fell in love w peggy and that was the more acceptable option so he clung to that. fast forward to catws, samriley was also a thing, same boat as stucky only now it’s legal but they’re in the army so 🤫 and then riley dies. sam meets steve, they’re in the same boat (ptsd, lover dia) they start developing feelings but they simply don’t even have time to act on them bc of everything that’s going on and steve, again in this repressed mindset, clings to sharon a little esp after finding out she’s a carter. then bam buckys alive. buckys alive and brainwashed and tortured and an assassin.

obvi steve’s gonna do whatever he can, sam’s gonna help bc steve’s the one asking him to, fast forward to endgame. atp stucky have barely spent any time together in the present day and most of the time is spent at war again and bucky is Not The Same and steve doesn’t know what to do w that. bucky can’t deal w the romantic aspect so he clings to steve as his childhood best friend but then it also forces him to cling to a past he can never go back to. samsteve also still have atp just refused to act on their feelings even tho they have Moments where it feels like somebody will finally break but then. bucky. very frustrating and sam is following steve into action every time without hesitation bc he so firmly believes in steve’s moral compass, and bucky is in the same boat. but bucky is clinging to steve’s moral compass as an outside validation that he can be redeemed, sam just thinks steve is a good person and aligns with his own moral compass.

and then steve, for whatever reason, decides to go back in time and live with peggy. the only way i can spin this is 1) he wanted to pass the shield on to sam anyways bc he’s exhausted and old and he knows sam Is Captain America with every part of his being he is the perfect person for the job and can do so much more with it. and maybe 2) everything is so complicated now. sam is there but bucky is there but sharon is there too. he’s living in this weird hell where his first lover and best friend is a completely different person due to decades of torture and brainwashing, his new best friend is now his will they won’t they, and his dead lovers niece is now his new lover, lots of friends are dead, he’s just tired. so he clings onto this vision of the perfect future he had back in the 40s and convinces himself he can handle living back then knowing what was happening to bucky and knowing he can’t have sam either. he’s done his duty in this timeline now it’s time to have a do-over where he can just chill and it’s fine bc the timeline where he saved everybody already happened. idk the logic okay it’s just awful narratively and is a huge disservice to steve’s character and really disrespectful to peggy anyways

and then tfatws happens. sambucky are now these weird not friends not enemies connected only by both having very complicated romantic but not explicitly relationships w steve and now the girlies are fighting bc sam gave up the shield and bucky ties the shield to his own self-worth through steve’s dated and biased view of him and can’t even think to see sam’s point of view of the implications of a black captain america symbolizing a country founded & thriving on racism. but then they have to work together. they have to be partners. and as sam integrates bucky into his life he can finally start to see what sam meant and why this is so difficult and complicated for him, and sam can see the man that bucky is under the trauma. the new man that bucky is. bucky sees the hero that sam can be, and sam sees the man that bucky can be. and they just genuinely like each other, they click. they bond outside of their connections to steve, they form their own relationship based on mutual trust and respect and genuine vibes. bucky sees what sam goes through on a daily basis living as a black man in america and sam sees what bucky went through living as a pow for 75 years. they see each other in ways that steve could never ever see them and well. now it’s legal on both fronts so. they get married and kiss passionately and fuck nasty. thank u

[randomlydreamingsblog]

10 of my top Kakasaku headcanons:

!!!!! Before I start, if you share different opinions or just think something different it’s okay, these are just MY thoughts on how I personally picture the ship. Since they’re not canon, it opens to a lot of possibilities and opinions, so if you don’t like mine just keep scrolling and we’ll be fine !!!!!

1- It takes quite some time for them to start seeing each other in a different light. After the war their bond evolves into a low key friendship that gets them closer. After they both realize they feel attracted to each other, they both experience a lot of self conflict and mixed emotions. Things only switch when the tension between them is so strong they actually kiss and then things finally start to slowly move on from there.

2- Kakashi isn’t a hater of hospitals. He’s a reasonable man and he understands that health and rest are important, so he is not reluctant to doctors or nurses. He always prefers when it’s Sakura taking care of him, and he respects her orders. Even though he doesn’t enjoy being in a hospital bed (who does?) he does his best to follow the rules and let his body recover.

3- Kakashi is the one who falls first when he starts to notice he’s attacked to not only Sakura’s beauty but also her personality, different traits and small details like her laugh, her smell or the way she talks.

4- Sakura falls for him after a medical checkup when Kakashi shows his face to her for the first time. She’s shocked because he’s very different from the old bored man she’d pictured in her head: he’s actually much younger and incredibly handsome. That actually makes her see him in a different way and she ends up feeling attracted, and later, in love.

5- Their bonds with Sasuke will always remain. They’ll always love him and welcome him as part of their family and they’ll always be friends. Sasuke loves Sakura and wishes she has someone who can give her what he couldn’t and he’s happy when he finds out she’s with Kakashi. He doesn’t think it’s weird and actually believes they make a lot of sense together. (I simply don’t like to mischaracterize Sasuke just to make Kakasaku happen. Maybe it’s because I like the canon couple and understand Sasuke’s character)

6- Kakashi had very few sexual experiences in his life. He’s very reserved and doesn’t open up easily, so even though he can get attention from a lot of women, his ninja duties, past traumas and domestic personality don’t really allow him to have a relationship or commit to someone.

7- When it comes to Sakura, I believe 2 things can be true: either she and Sasuke actually have a full relationship for a while and later they end it in good terms, or they don’t even start a relationship and decide to be friends instead. In the fist scenario, Sakura has experienced everything form a relationship: love, intimacy and of course, sex. In the second scenario she has her fisrt time with Kakashi but the journey on love and intimacy is new to both.

8- Kakashi does feel a slight guilt about the way he neglected Sakura when he was her sensei. However it’s not that much shameful or too deep, because Sakura appreciates everything he did for her. It’s just that if he could go back in time he might do things differently, that’s all.

9- Showing his face was never a problem to Kakashi. Of course he prefers to keep his mask on and only takes it off when it’s highly necessary, but it was never a problem to show his face to the people who were closer to him, like Guy and his other jounin friends for example. The thing with team 7 is just because it was fun to tease them when he saw the 3 of them working so well together for something silly, so he kept teasing as much as he could.

10- Sakura is also a minute closeted “pervert” , just like Kakashi. She has a very sexual side but she keeps it to herself. Even though sometimes she might struggle with some insecurities and come off a little shy (which is perfectly normal because it’s very unrealistic to be 100% confident and outgoing all the time) she’s always brave to come out of her shell and enjoys experiencing new things. If she’s in love with someone she’s not afraid of anything and she’s very passionate, so with Kakashi she gives everything she has, and it’s HOT!

That’s it, I have more but this post would be too long. Hope you enjoyed it!

[necngravestcnes]

hi, I watched the series yesterday and thought I could share my little essay here. please, feel free to reach out if you saw it too, and want to talk 🥹

[I’m aware I’ve been quite loud about it in the past few weeks, but as the book’s fan, as a historic nerd, and also as Jonah and Anna’s fan, I felt the urge to write something after watching the series.] As we all know, the story of the Holocaust has been portrayed on screen many times, some of the most recognisable ones being Schindler's List (1993; Steven Spielberg), The Pianist (2001; Roman Polanski) or The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (2008; Mark Herman) I believe The Tattooist of Auschwitz will become one of them. I think it’s very unique to tell a story like this in a way it was done by its creators. It’s important to know that the inspiration was the book written by Heather Morris, who meet Lale Sokolov in early 2000s, who was a tattooist at Auschwitz II-Birkenau after he was sent to the camp in 1942. He decided to share his life story with her, and then with the whole world. After hearing it, and then writing it, it has become Heather’s mission to spread his words. Although it’s based on his own experience, it’s historical fiction novel, which the author herself emphasises. [She said: "The book does not claim to be an academic historical piece of nonfiction, I’ll leave that to the academics and historians.”] The six-episode series directed by Tali Shalom-Ezer inspired by the book under the same name unfolds the life of a young Slovakian man who in horrific circumstances finds something, which keeps him going. The love for the Slovakian girl, Gita. The main characters, excellently portrayed by Jonah Hauer-King and Anna Próchniak, give the audience hope to see the light in the darkest of places, and that’s the most important message of the story. To remain human in the most dehumanised situation, to give love and to receive it. You can see every emotion in Anna’s face even though she doesn’t say anything in a particular scene. Her portrayal of strength, optimism, and faith in the centre of hell, brings out a light. You can see the pain in Jonah’s eyes with every "I’m sorry”, he whispers to his fellow prisoners when he’s made to put the number on their arms. They’re both intuitive, sensitive, and just brilliant actors, who carry the series alongside with equally excellent Jonas Nay as SS officer Stefan Baretzki, Melanie Lynskey as Heather Morris herself, and Harvey Keitel as older Lale, in the centre. I must say I was terrified of seeing Jonas’ portrayal on his every pace or look, which only proves how incredible actor he is. It was said by the Jonah and Jonas that they first created a bond with each other in order to later enact some disturbing, uneasy scenes. It enabled them to trust each other on the set. It was amazing to see Lynskey and Keitel acting together in scenes. Their chemistry can be really felt through screen. The idea of Lale being haunted by the ghosts of the past was incredibly incorporated, even then giving us the feelings of uneasiness, tense, and fear. As the director of the series said herself: "One misconception I would want to debunk would be that when the camps were liberated that everyone lived happily ever after. Trauma is a lifelong burden to carry for the survivors. This isn't a history lesson from the past. This is something that's very much alive.” I couldn't finish without saying something about the wonderful music that was created by Hans Zimmer and Kara Talve. You know it is good when you get shivers all over your body, and the same happens when you hear the haunting melodies of violins in the very first track. The whole soundtrack is available to listen to on music streaming platforms. This series is a must watch for everyone who read the book. It is incredibly well acted, well written, well made. You can feel the sorrow, the grotesque. The Tattooist of Auschwitz depicts the duality of the human nature on full display, showing the possibility to find a light in such a hellish place, and also unfolds the monstrous, evil side of what hatred makes of people.

[jcryptid]

I love my friend group actually bc it’s always like “this person is definitely a vampire!”

“And this one is the spitting image of how I imagine my favourite podcast character!”

“This one is a feral animal (and I have a sneaking suspicion they’ll turn into a fox and root through my garbage if my turn my back on them for even a second). I am still working on house training them.”

“This one is absolutely some kind of eldritch Fae horror posing as human. Every time I see an apocalyptic mutated hell scape, I think of them.”

“This one likes making friendship bracelets with colourful beads but will absolutely stab a bitch with no hesitation. They found out I was enby years before I did and was subtly dropping hints to me in all that time. Somehow their whole body decided to pull some absolutely insane shit on them, and at this point even the doctors are impressed.”

“This one is a pixie and we all call them ‘Mother’. I’m pretty sure I’ve never met someone who made me feel like I still have time to make up for my childhood”

“This one is the living embodiment of everything anti-vaxers fear and turns everyone they meet Autistic. They’ve called me on my bullshit more than once,”

“This one is loving embodiment of what conservatives fear, and turns everyone trans, and is also dating the autism virus. Together they are terrifying. We actively warn new cis friends of their immense power. ”

“This person we picked up on a train to the middle of nowhere. They have a toadstool named Terry and treat every bug they meet like a new friend. I’m pretty sure they aren’t human either, or at the very least not entirely.”

“This person is my go to for chatting about and sharing fanfiction. We are both unapologetically seeing feeding each others fanfic addictions, and have no desire to get clean.”

“This person is 6ft and has the demeanour and fashion sense of a fluffy pastel unicorn. I met them at a youth group, I scare away the men at bars for them.”

“This person helped me figure out I was touched starved by giving me hugs and gave me all their favourite recipes they made us during final exams”

“This friend helped me understand what sharing in fandom with friends could be like, and we did our first cosplay together”

“This friend and I trauma bonded during high school and adopted a legion of younger teenagers”

“This friend pulled me out of quicksand that one time, and gets mad when I don’t update my fanfic”

“This friend is always there to chat when pulling all nighters”

“Me and this friend have a relationship exclusively built on bullying each other for the most mundane things”

“I feel like it is my god given duty to protect this person at all costs”

“This person is my go to if I ever have a group project bc we work so well together.”

“This friend said some of the wisest shit I’ve ever heard, and they have all the experience in things I was too scared to try”

“I have no idea who this person is but I must have met them at some point bc I invited them to the discord chat and they’re always there for us”

“This person is my go to if I need a scary as fuck monster design. They are definitely some flavour of undead.”

“This person is constantly bidng their time for the perfect moment to say the funniest fucking thing you’ve ever heard. No one ever sees it coming. It’s uncanny, and frankly impressive.”

“This person is secretly absolutely a kids tv show host. And not the human kind, they’re probably made of felt to be honest.”

And so on.

What a strange and wonderful group of people I’ve collected in my life. 🙃

[kingkaisen]

Once this series is over for me I’m blocking you 🤍

BUT WOOO NEXT CHAPTERRRR

Hange pauses to yawn heavily. <- why did I yawn too?

They mumble before giving in to yet another big yawn. <- I YAWNED AGAIN. STOP IT.

After the conversation with Levi at the diner last month… <- what a smooth way to introduce a tiny time skip and show us the pacing of everything!

YESSSS ERWIN MENTIONNNNNN

Erwin is dressed in a relaxed fit blue button down and a pair of sunglasses that cover his matching eyes, a denim jacket flung over his shoulder by one finger. They could have been supermodels if they wanted to, you chuckle to yourself. <- AND HE’S WEARING COLOGNE TOO I JUST KNOW IT. UW ERWIN IS SO GODDAMN FINE UGH.

THE HEADPAT AND THE HAIR RUFFLING UGH I LOVE ERWIN

So the closest parking spot being 10 minutes walk really shows how big this festival is! Very creative! Also I would go home immediately.

When you all make it to the archway, you can’t help but clap your hands and jump in excitement. <- another day in the life of reader being precious as hell

You feel something tickle your scalp and as you reach up to see what it is, your hand feels another about to pull away. When you look over, you see Levi’s nimble fingers carefully plucking a blossom petal out of your hair. <- another day in the life of Levi being precious as hell, and of course, you describe those movements AMAZINGLY

Reader’s excitement made her study this event and look at pictures, which is too adorable.

AWEEE LEVI IS HAVING FUN, THATS SO CUTE!!!

OHHH I FORGOT LEVI GETS KINDA JEALOUS OF HER AND FURLAN AHHHHH

AHHH some good old fashioned Hange Levi banter! It’s refreshing to see that with the way Hange and Erwin bond together and reader and Levi bond together! I LOVE ALL FOUR OF THEM AND THEIR FRIENDSHIP

Erwin being too tall for the Photo Booth UGH he’s so attractive

OMG SHES IN LEVI’S LAP

"Ah, I can't reach the screen. Here, Levi, hold this." You suddenly feel your body being pushed to the side by Hange and a gasp escapes your lips as you find yourself in a new seat - Levi's lap. Levi grunts as you land. In a panic, you attempt to stand up but then his hands are on your hips and you’re being pulled down to his thigh closest to the wall…” <- OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THIS IS SO . LIKE I LITERALLY GASPED OH MY GOD OH MY GOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Levi grunting 😏) AHHHHHHHH

A moment of you two staring at each other…<- they’re so cute bye

NOT THE CLOWN SCENE FROM THE ACTUAL ANIME IM SCREAMING

ERWIN IS WEARING A GOLD WATCH. THAT’S MY HUSBAND BTW

You clap in excitement and run towards the edge of the river to get a closer look. <- I would die for her.

I love people like the reader who actually notice when their friend is struggling and subtly help them out. They can’t fix you but they can make life a bit easier. I’m gonna cry.

OH LORD FURLAN JUST KISSED HER CHEEK

FURLAN IS FALLING IN LOVEEEE BACK OFFFFFFF. MOVEEEEEEE

EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS THE READER SO WELL NOW IM SO CONFUZZLED (as i kept reading i see that they’ve been learning. I just had to be patient. That’s so cute!)

By this time, the sunlight was completely gone and replaced by a bright full moon with twinkling lights dancing around it. They remind you of Levi. <- This is such a cute, romantic, and sweet sentence!

WHO THE HELL IS THIS FELLOW BOTHERING THE READER? The old foster home trauma, I’m gonna cry

This is sad and I hate that man and I want to hold the reader and fight Sky for writing this BUT levi just said she’s his 😏🤭 EHEHEHEH

GODDAMN IT HANGE . HORRIBLE TIMING

WAIT STOP WAIT THE FURLAN LEVI PHONE CALL? OH MY GOD. SKY I’M ENGROSSED RIGHT NOW. I CANT BREATHE. THEY BOTH WANT HER I CANT DO THIS. I CANT.

You were breathtaking to him in every way, and he decided right then and there that he just wanted you. Just you, and no one else. <- OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS. NO WORDS.

WHY THE HELL COULDNT HE REALIZE THIS 15 SECONDS AGO AND TELL FURLAN TO BACK THE HECK OFF

THEY’RE SO CUTE AND IN LOVE. I NEED THEM TO CONFESS AND KISS AND GET MARRIED NOW. RIGHT NOW. IMMEDIATELY. Also, Saturn by Sleeping At Last was on my mind during the sadder parts of this chapter! I don’t know why.

Chapter 6: April

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence, light assault (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ *kicking my feet excitedly* hey guys, turns out I was just being dramatic. I'm actually really happy with how this turned out. Could it be better? Sure, but that doesn't change that I'm happy with what it is right now. This is super long, but I promise it's worth it. It's filled with tropes and fluff and surprises and I hope you guys enjoy it! Also just a quick 'I'm sorry' for making you wait so long! I was struggling with some bad writers block and then I got covid so things just couldn't pick up the way I wanted them to. But it's here now!!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k (huehue)

The Sakura Festival held downtown was unlike anything you’ve ever been to before. Since Hange and you had moved here sometime over the summer, you had missed all of what Jinae’s spring had to offer. Suffice it to say, though you didn’t know it yet, it was well worth waking up for at 8 in the morning. Your sister, however, thought otherwise as you both sped down the streets towards Levi and Erwin’s apartment while she curled up in her seat.

“I just don’t understand why we have to go right when it opens. It’s going to be…” Hange pauses to yawn heavily. “…an all-day thing.” They finish with a big stretch in the passenger seat. You shoot her a quick displeased glance and they throw their hands up in the air.

“Okay, okay. I know, you’re excited and want to see everything. But I didn’t get to bed until like 3 in the morning. So, excuse me if I’m exhausted.” They mumble before giving in to yet another big yawn. You roll your eyes at them. It’s not like this was sprung upon them last minute. After the conversation with Levi at the diner last month, it was all you could think and talk about. Well, not all.

Your thoughts were clouded with more Levi than usual. He'd been much more open to you the past couple weeks than in the last 5 months combined. The progress was rocky, sure. But progress was still progress. Fortunately, Hange still hadn’t asked for any details of what happened that night, but she knew something was up. You fiddle mindlessly with your necklace at these thoughts, the one you haven’t taken off since it was put on by Levi.

“Thinking about Shorty?” Hange cuts in with a teasing voice. You blindly swat at them without looking over, frowning. “Hey! It’s not my fault you’re smiling like an idiot right now!” They laugh and you swat at them again, but you can't help but break out into a matching grin.

Soon after, you park in the street across from the boys’ apartment and shoot Levi a text that you were there. You and Hange had suggested that they carpool with you since Erwin’s wrist was still on the mend and Levi had an aversion to driving himself. The reason why you were stuck behind the wheel, though, and not Hange, was because she was ‘too tired to drive’. You decided quickly that you would rather drive than get into a wreck because your sister fell asleep in the middle of the road.

In the corner of your eye, you see Levi bounding down the steps with his blonde best friend right behind him. You shift in your seat nervously, fingers tapping on the wheel. When they get closer, you're incapable of keeping your eyes off the two handsome men. Even for how warm it was today, you’re not surprised to see Levi wearing his leather jacket over a hoodie with the hood pulled over his head. Erwin is dressed in a relaxed fit blue button down and a pair of sunglasses that cover his matching eyes, a denim jacket flung over his shoulder by one finger. They could have been supermodels if they wanted to, you chuckle to yourself.

“Oooh here come the men. Do you think they rehearse that walk when they’re together?” Hange laughs. Levi and Erwin slide into the back seat a few moments later and you turn around in your seat to greet them with a massive smile and wave.

Levi’s deadpan expression doesn’t faze you - though were you able to read his mind, you would know his heart was beating faster than a racehorse the moment he woke up today. Erwin teasingly ruffles Hange’s frazzled hair and pats the top of your head gently. You wouldn’t say it to his face, but he radiated such ‘dad vibes. Not that it bothered you any.

“Well look at you both!” Erwin boisterously exclaims as he beams to the two of you. You smile right back at him in satisfaction. You spent so many hours in the last week trying to find the right thing to wear today. A pair of off-white overalls cinches at your waist and stops at your thighs, the hem hugging at your skin effortlessly. Your favorite band t-shirt can be seen peeking over the straps. With your hair pulled up in a loose ponytail that created tendrils that fell in your face, the look was completed by your new favorite accessory. Which of course was perfect for the occasion.

Levi’s gift glimmers in the sun as you shift in your seat. The gift giver himself had his eyes on you the moment he stepped into the vehicle and only looked away once you met his gaze. A soft blush creeps up your face while you turn to face the wheel.

The drive to the festival grounds was a relatively short one, thankfully. With the help of Erwin’s clear directions, you were able to get there without issue. But then you had to turn down Hange’s obnoxious loud metal music so you could focus on finding a place to park. Even showing up early, parking was a nightmare, and you could only find a spot about a 10-minute walk from the closest entrance.

Jinae has a fairly wide river that cuts through the heart of the town. The festival itself sat on the surrounding outer banks of it, both sides occupied by vendors and joined by a bridge that crossed over the crystal water. It was there on the banks of the river that most of the cherry blossom trees rested, swaying in the spring breeze that caused a flurry of petals to fly around. When you all make it to the archway, you can’t help but clap your hands and jump in excitement. The atmosphere was so lively already, and you could not wait to dive headfirst into what the festival had to offer.

“Well, what’s first on the docket?” Erwin inquires as he steps forward to stare out into the bustling square ahead. You’re already signing excitedly about today’s activities and Hange has to grab your hands to make you stop and start over. You give them an apologetic grin then take a deep breath before signing everything again, slowly this time.

‘There’s a parade of floats made out of flowers that starts in about fifteen minutes. Then there’s a duck race sometime in the afternoon. Not to mention the carnival rides, live music, and finally fireworks to finish the night!’ You had spent such an ungodly amount of time staring at the festival’s schedule that it was practically burned into the back of your skull. And like Hange mentioned earlier, you were dedicated to seeing it all.

“That sounds like a lovely plan, Love. Let’s get going so we can get a good spot then.” Hange says as they bump into your shoulder affectionately when they walk past, starting up a conversation with Erwin as he falls in step with theirs.

 You feel something tickle your scalp and as you reach up to see what it is, your hand feels another about to pull away. When you look over, you see Levi’s nimble fingers carefully plucking a blossom petal out of your hair. He mouths a wordless apology. Even with his uninterested face, his eyes couldn't hide his amusement. Amusement for what, though, you didn't know. Not even thinking twice do you grab his hand and start tugging him along into the depths of the crowd.

.

The parade was as magnificent as the pictures online portrayed, maybe even better. There were floats of various themes that you had a lot of fun discerning while you jumped around in the crowd. You had decided your favorite out of all of them was the oceanic one.

There were all sorts of tropical flora that formed the shape of a conch shell in the center, and it sat on a bed of beautiful blues and whites that formed into waves around it. You’ve never had the opportunity to go to the coast but seeing the float made you long for the sea in ways you’ve never had before. You hoped one day you’d get to go.

The second the last float drifted by, you wasted no time dragging your little group straight to the duck racing registrar. According to Levi, Jinae hosted this race as a fundraising event for the local orphanage in town. The premise is that people would pay for as many rubber ducks as they want for a certain amount of money and each duck had a number written on the bottom.

Once everyone who wanted to enter did so, city officials then released all of the purchased ducks down the river to be collected at a certain point. Levi didn’t know of the specifics, but he said that eventually someone would fish them out at the designated finish line and people corresponding to the first 10 ducks that crossed would win a prize. It was the silliest thing you’ve ever heard of so naturally you brought money to participate.

Even if you didn’t win, you were happy to know it was going to something so worthy. To be perfectly honest though, the biggest reason you were so excited about it is because of the way Levi had talked about the race during your last hang out.

Hange decided to start hosting weekly movie nights at your shared apartment and of course everyone was invited. As usual, your sister chose something "ironically hilarious", not without a mischievous cackle. Much to Hange’s disappointment but not surprise, you and Levi chose to spend that time playing cards and talking about the Sakura Festival at the dining table instead.

With it coming up so soon, you had wanted to pick Levi's brain on what you should check out first. Levi said that it had been years since he last went, so he wasn't the best person to ask. But when you asked about the duck races, his usual stone-cold exterior softened. Levi didn't elaborate, but you could tell by the way his voice lightened that he was quite fond of the fundraiser. So, if Levi liked it, then so did you.

To your delight, Erwin and Hange pay for one duck each. You purchase three like you had planned. And Levi purchases five. As he reaches into his wallet to pay, you can't help but watch in adoration at how carefree he seemed, like he was genuinely enjoying his time. His jaw and shoulders are slack and a small smile twitches at the corners of his scarred lips as he speaks to the booking clerk. Something pokes you in the side; it's your sister. Hange snickers at you with a gleam in their eyes. You stick your tongue out at them and they just poke you again, eliciting a small gasp from you.

"Everything okay?" You jump at Levi's sudden voice to the right of you. An eyebrow raises in concern, his eyes almost tinted blue from the clear sky above. You nod and roll your eyes in the direction of your sister, as if to say, 'Hange just being Hange.' He hums and looks down at his phone, lips pursing at whatever he was looking at.

"Furlan just texted me to let me know he’ll be here soon. " Levi slides his phone into his back pocket as he speaks.

"Furlan's coming?" Hange asks as they snake an arm around your shoulders.

"Yeah, he kind of invited himself." Levi mutters.

"Hey, the more the merrier." Erwin chuckles behind Hange. You smile in agreement, but the subtle disappointment in Levi's tone doesn’t escape your ears.

"There's no use in sitting around waiting. The races start in about an hour so why don't we use this time to wander?" Your sister raises a hand in the air as they start off in a random direction, their other arm linked with Erwin and currently pulling him along. Shaking your head in amusement, you and Levi follow close behind.

The Sakura Festival reminded you of the renaissance fair in the way that there were various booths and vendors that surrounded you, all selling anything and everything you’d expect. The only difference being the multitude of carnival rides and attractions that peppered around the grounds. That, and the very obvious size of the event itself. It wasn’t very crowded for now, but you suspect that will change later in the day. Hange calls out to you and Levi from ahead, arms waving above their head to get your attention.

"Guys! Look at this!" She's jumping up and down while pointing at a small but tall boxy contraption with a black curtain pulled to the side. Upon closer inspection, you notice there's a little space inside with a small bench and a computer screen sitting opposite it. It's a photo booth. You eye your sister quizzically.

"Well? Wanna try?" You shrug which Hange takes as an okay, a wild smile lighting up their face.

"Yes! Alright!! Levi, in you go!"

 "Wha- like hell!"

"C'mon! It'll be fun!" Hange grabs Levi's arm and pushes him inside the booth so forcefully that he slams onto the bench with a hiss. "Erwin, you'll have to pop your head in from the side, you're just too tall." And then her fingers are grasping your arm as she pulls both of you in before you can do anything to stop her. The booth is even smaller on the inside and with the way you both toppled in, you find yourself plopping on her lap like a child. Cozy is not the first word that comes to mind.

 "Ah, I can't reach the screen. Here, Levi, hold this." You suddenly feel your body being pushed to the side by Hange and a gasp escapes your lips as you find yourself in a new seat - Levi's lap. Levi grunts as you land. In a panic, you attempt to stand up but then his hands are on your hips and you’re being pulled down to his thigh closest to the wall, so that you are facing the camera at an angle. You can't bring yourself to look at him, and any knowledge on how to breathe vanishes. The sound of angry waves fills your ears as heat rushes to your cheeks. Oh my god. Is this really happening?

"'Everything okay?" Erwin's voice comes muffled. He pops his head through the curtain, and his bright blue eyes land on your wide ones. If he was thinking anything, he gave nothing away.

"Yup almost... got it!" Hange yells in triumph as they press down on something. "Get ready!"

There's a beeping coming from the corner of the booth that must be the countdown, but you can hardly focus on it. All you can think about is the way you fit on Levi's lap. Beep. How flush your body was against his chest that you could feel his racing heart, no doubt beating at the same speed as yours, against your back. Beep. His shallow breaths tickling the back of your neck as you clenched your hands into tight fists that rest on your thighs. Beep. Levi shifts under you, his leg jostling you for a moment. Beep. Your brain is foggy, clouded by Levi. Levi, Levi, all Levi.

Your name is being called - distant sounding at first then loud and right next to you. You startle at the sudden noise and whip your head to the source. Erwin and Hange are staring at you from outside of the booth, sunlight filtering through the spaces around their bodies as they stand in the little doorway. They both have matching amused smirks lighting up their faces. Levi clears his throat from behind. As if zapped, you shoot up quickly from Levi's lap and scramble out the hole, palms sweaty in your tight fists. The cool, spring breeze softly hitting your flushed and hot face is very welcoming.

"You okay?" Erwin steps up next to you, his voice laced with concern.

'Yeah, just really hot and stuffy in there.' You sign back, taking a deep breath. It wasn't a lie. But the way Erwin eyed you makes you feel like he knows something you don't.

"Oh my gosh look at US!!" Hange squeals from behind you. When you turn to face them, they're smiling down at a couple strips of paper which you guess are the photocopies. They bound over to you and shoves one of the copies in your direction then gives the other to Erwin. "Here, one for each household."

 The sun glares off the film and you have to bring it close to your face so you can see the panels better. There are four photos total, all in color and bright from the flashes. Hange and Erwin are making different faces in each one, there's even one of them laughing mid-snap. But then you glance over to the other corner where you and Levi sit, and you want to throw yourself in the river in embarrassment.

The first two photos are the same. You're looking straight into the camera like a deer in the headlights, luckily with a small smile tugging at your lips but shock is very evident on your face. Levi is staring off to the side with a vacant expression, heavy lidded and slack. Both of you are red in the face though. The third one is blurry with movement. In the last one, you and Levi are looking at each other, his steely gray eyes flashing silver in the blinding light. A moment of you two staring at each other, something you don't remember doing, frozen in time. You flick your eyes up and over the little strip of paper in between your fingers to look at Levi. He's facing away with his hands in his pockets, his cheeks the same shade of red in the photo. Even if they were embarrassing, you find yourself pressing the photos close to your chest anyways.

"Alright, where to next!? We have plenty of time to kill." Hange exclaims.

So, the four of you did indeed kill time. It was mostly spent gawking at the vendors and making plans of what rides you all wanted to visit after the race. At one point Erwin and Hange got separated from you and Levi, leaving the two of you to seek refuge from the crowd under the shade of trees. Not a lot of conversation happened, you suspect because of the awkward moment at the photo booth. The revisiting thought makes you blush. You were on your toes trying to scan the ever-moving crowd for any signs of your sister when you heard an unsettling voice coming from the direction of where Levi stood currently.

"Hi little fella, got some tasty candy for you. Wanna try it?" Leaning down behind Levi with a comically large lollipop is a man decked out in the most garish of clown costumes. "It's reeaal good." Levi doesn't move.

The expression on his face would have been priceless had the clown been less horrifying. You give the clown a polite smile before gingerly grabbing Levi's hand, taking extra care of the missing digits, and dragging him away to a random direction within the crowd. He doesn't resist. He actually tightens his grip and pulls ahead so that he's the one leading.

Taken aback by his sudden assertiveness, your heart does cartwheels. You're about to ask where he’s taking you until you see that he's pulling you in the direction of Hange and Erwin who are currently heading your way. His hand releases yours before reaching them, far too quickly for your liking.

"There you two are! We were looking everywhere. Were you both making out behind a tree?" Hange jokes. Hange has an ice cream cone in their hand and Erwin’s wrapped wrist has a heart shaped balloon tied to it.

‘Where the hell have you two been?’ Actively ignoring the crass joke thrown at you. You sign this at the same time as you hear a familiar playful voice chirp up from behind the pair in front of you.

“What’s this about making out?” Hange steps aside to reveal Furlan who had his hand in a bag of kettle popcorn. He pulls his hand out to wave at you with a big grin and you reciprocate with your own. “Did Levi finally find himself a suitor?”

“Shut up.” Levi flips Furlan off with a grumble.

“Sorry I’m so late. I slept in and then finding a parking spot was a nightmare! Where are we headed??” Furlan looks around your little group expectantly.

“We should probably start heading back to the race area because I think it’s about to start.” Erwin checks the gold watch strapped to his good wrist. It glints off the afternoon sun and you have to glance away so that it doesn’t blind you.

“Aw man, did I already miss the registration?” Furlan hangs his head low in disappointment.

“Well if you actually used the alarm function on your phone, you would have made it on time.” Levi retorts back dryly.

Reaching into the little purse dangling off your hip, you pull out your three ticket stubs with a random number on each of them and step up closer to Furlan. When you wave your hand to get his attention, he glances at you and then at your pinched fingers.

“Oh. No! Please, it’s okay. I can always try for next year.” He insists, holding his hands up in front of his chest defensively. You give him a soft smile as you pick one out and push it towards him anyways. “Are you sure?”

Rolling your eyes, you reach over to push the ticket into his open palm and using your other hand, you clamp his fingers around it so that it sits in his hand safely. “Well… okay. If you’re adamant. Thanks!” Furlan chuckles and tightens his hand around the ticket. He gives you a wink before shoving it into his jean pocket.

“That was very sweet of you.” Erwin whispers down to you as you all make your way to the finish line.

‘I didn’t want him to be left out.’ You sign back with a frown, and Erwin nods in understanding, a warm smile crinkling his eyes.

By the time you all make it to the starting line of the race, the ducks have already been released via crane. Hundreds of little ducks were floating down the river and it was quite a sight. You clap in excitement and run towards the edge of the river to get a closer look. They were all bunched together, and you worried how they would fish out the little ducks accurately.

“I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to pluck out the first 10 so easily. It’s like magic.” Furlan says in reassurance. He must have noticed the concern on your face. He laughs and leans against the little stone wall that surrounds the river on both sides. “I’m sure it’s just because they’ve had so many years to perfect it though.”

The rest of your crew lines up against the wall, watching the ducks go down the river. You have to squint because of how the sun reflects off the water, but otherwise it’s a quiet and nice moment to have with everyone. The breeze from the river blows past and you inhale the subtle but sweet smell of the cherry blossoms. Levi stands next to you stoically, his arms crossed the way he does as he stares off. His weight shifted to his left leg. He’s done well to hide it from everyone else, but you could tell easily that he was limping from all the pressure he was putting on his knee.

‘You okay?’ You sign to him, giving him a soft smile.

“I’m fine.” He shrugs his shoulders. Something was bothering him, and it didn’t feel like it was just his knee pain. His eyes glance up to yours, and his hard features loosen. “Really, I’m okay.” You’re not convinced, but you nod in acknowledgement anyways.

“They got winners!” Furlan yells out beside you, pointing down the river. There’s a crew holding up a green flag to signal the end of the race.

“Ooh let’s go see who won, yeah?” Hange’s eyes gleam with excitement and starts making their way to the finish line with the rest of the group in tow. You keep your steps slow so you can keep up with Levi while everyone else trails ahead quite a bit. He gives you a side-eye as you pretend not to notice, fingers fidgeting with the necklace around your neck.

“Tch, I know what you’re doing.” He mumbles. He hesitates, then whispers a soft thank you.

Near the finish line was a sort of stage, something you suspect might be used for the live music later in the day. There was a man at the podium lining up the ducks as a crowd started gathering at the base of it, all ready and excited to see who the raffle winners were. You all decided to stick to the back because of how big the crowd was getting.

After a moment, the announcer made a statement of where the winners needed to go to gather their prizes and then started listing off the numbers one by one. Unfortunately, no one in your group had a winning duck yet, though Levi never looked disappointed. In fact, he actually looked quite pleased that he hadn’t won anything.

“Aaand first place goes to… number 23!!”

“NO freaking way, that’s me!” Furlan shouts. He leans down and gives your cheek a chaste kiss before running off to the designated spot to collect his prize. You stand stock-still, pulling your hand up to where his lips just were, not really sure how to react to it. Something grumbles behind you. When you turn, you see a listless Levi, eyes off to the side but furrowed. Your heart pangs with guilt, for why exactly though you're not sure. You bite the inside of your cheek in thought. Furlan calls your name.

“You’ll never believe what’s in here!” He runs up to your group, out of breath and waving an envelope in the air. He takes a moment to bend and lean against his knees so he can gather himself.

“Well spit it out, what did you win!?” Hange asks eagerly.

“They’re airfare ticket vouchers! $500 each.” Furlan stands up straight with a huge smile.

“Each? How many did you get?” Erwin raises an eyebrow, curious now.

“Two. Which means,” He grabs one of the slips of paper and holds it out to you. “You get half.” You feel your eyes bug at his statement. Raising your hands defensively, you shake your head no. You eye Hange as you start signing, and they understand right away.

‘I can’t do that, you won them.’

“Yeah, but with the ticket you bought. You deserve some of the prize too.” He grabs your hand and clenches your fingers over the piece of paper, like you had done with him earlier. “Take it, please. At least share this victory with me.”

You eye him skeptically, unsure of what to say. The way he looks at you, with his wide eyes and cocky smile. You can’t say no. And, well, you did buy that ticket. After a beat, you nod and pull the paper to your chest and shoot him a big smile.

“Yes, thank you! Isn’t this awesome? I have no idea what I’m going to use it on, but I guess we’ll see in the future.” He pulls his shirt up so he can tuck the envelope in the waistband of his jeans.

Before you all know it, the sun is high in the sky and the rest of the festivities are in full swing. The sounds of screaming and laughter fill the air as the rest of the town arrives in droves. Erwin had suggested that you all rest and recoup to take a break from the crowd. So that’s why you and the others were sitting on plush grass under the shade of cherry blossom trees, eating lunch from the miscellaneous vendors around. None of you had thought to bring a blanket to sit on unfortunately, but that didn’t bother you. Levi, on the other hand.

“Tch, are we really okay with getting grass stains on our clothes?” Levi grumbles as he places his garbage on the pile of already accumulating trash sitting in the center of your small circle.

“You could always stand.” Erwin’s currently leaning against the tree, propped up on one shoulder as he sips his drink. His eyes light up at the sour expression he’s shot with.

“Or you could just live a little. It’s just some grass and dirt, Levi.” Hange tuts as they ball up their own wrapper and throws it in the pile as well, a smile playing on their lips in a mocking manner.

“I’m sure your 5-step laundry system will get out any stains.” Furlan adds in with a chuckle. He pulls at his little dish of fries as he side-eyes you as you laugh along.

“That’s not the point, you idiots.” Levi mutters as he leans back against the tree next to Erwin and closes his eyes, crossing his arms against his chest as he does. Despite his terse words, he looks very relaxed. You don’t blame him. It was such a lovely spring day. A warm burst of air breezes through as if responding to your mental compliment. Smiling widely, you throw yourself backwards into the grass and stretch your limbs out.

The sun filters through the trees onto your face and you close your eyes as well, relishing the warmth. Unbeknownst to you, Levi is cracking his good eye open to peek at the serene expression complimenting your pretty features.

It's like this for a while. At some point, Erwin had disappeared to find a ‘gentleman’s room’ as he called it. Hange and Furlan were in the middle of a conversation about some movie that came out last week. You're resting with your arms splayed above you, your vision turning pink from the sun hitting your eyelids. The warm rays caress your exposed skin like a comforting hug. The soft running of the river pairs well with the rustling of the blossoms above you from the breeze. You sigh in content.

All of a sudden, your face feels cool from something blocking the sunlight above you. You swat at it thinking it’s your sister but then something nips at your fingers. Hange was weird, but not that weird. You have to squint after initially opening your eyes due to the bright surroundings but when your vision finally focuses, you freeze. Standing above you is a massive white goose, its head bent back slightly as it stares down at you.

You scramble to stand up and the goose’s head rises with you, never breaking eye contact. You take a couple tentative steps back. The wings had unfurled in a guarded, hostile stance - it seems you had made it mad. Every step back was not enough to distance yourself from it as it kept pace with you.

You hear Levi and Furlan calling your name, but you don’t look over. You always laughed at the idea of geese, but now the source of terror stands right in front of you. The goose had its beak slightly open and you’re quick to spot rows of sharp teeth.

“Hey, look at me.” Levi says softly. When you glance over with a side eye, he’s watching you carefully. You swallow hard. “Keep backing away slowly. It should leave you alone once it sees you’re not a threat.”

As if Levi had cursed you with his words, you step back on a twig with a ‘crack’ and there’s a moment of silence as you stare horrified before all hell breaks loose. And then you’re running for your life down the grassy field. You hear something chasing after you and you pump your legs harder. The wind blows past your ears, and it takes everything in you to hurdle over the obstacles in front of you - those obstacles being people.

You don’t know how long you’ve been running but you're winded faster than you would like. Not to mention that by the looks of it, you were about to run out of open field. You were going to have to face your opponent sooner than later. Taking a deep breath and steeling your resolve, you twist your body around and blindly kick towards the goose. Except, you don’t make contact with a goose.

“Gah!” Levi doubles over in front of you, groaning from the ground as he clutches his stomach. When you look behind him, Hange and Furlan are chasing the goose away loudly screaming and clapping. You drop to your knees and place your hands on his shoulders to shake him gently to get his attention. When he raises his head to look at you, you're met with glazed, dark eyes.

"Are you… okay?" He mutters hoarsely through gritted teeth.

'Me?! But you?!' You sign back, emphasizing your words with a bemused expression.

"I just... need... a minute." Levi falls backwards so that he's on his butt. A hiss of air escapes his lips as he lands, his face scrunched up as the waves of pain subside. "I don't know what your intent was with that kick, but I have a feeling you would have sent that goose straight to hell." He coughs a little and stares up at you with an amused glint in his eyes.

‘I’m sorry, I panicked.’  He waves his hand dismissively.

You decide to sit with him as he catches his breath. You can’t keep the embarrassed flush from heating up your face. You pick at the grass anxiously as you keep replaying what just happened in your head. This is not something you would forget, unfortunately. Especially having hurt Levi.

“What did the grass ever do to you?” You hear Levi joke next to you, his voice back to a normal octave and significantly less breathy.

‘Sure you’re okay?’ You glance over to him sheepishly, fiddling with a blade of grass in between your fingers. He meets your gaze.

“I’m fine, seriously. But you should consider going pro with those legs of yours.” After a beat, he realizes what he said and clears his throat, looking away. “You know, like soccer or something.” The tips of his ears are already turning red.

“Are you two okay?!” You hear Hange screaming from the other side of the park, arms waving to get your attention. You shoot her two thumbs up.

“We should probably get back.” Levi grunts as he pushes himself up. There’s a considerable amount of weight he’s putting into his left leg, like earlier. But you figure if you ask him if he’s okay again, he might scold you. So, you opt to stay quiet as you watch him with caution.

“Are you coming?” His hand is outstretched towards you to take, which you do so without hesitating. His skin is rather warm against yours, callous yet soft. He pulls you up without effort, and he ends up having to grip your arm to steady you so you don’t fall face first from the force. He considers you with a slight smile and then starts off to the rest of your friends, with you following closely behind.

The sun is just verging towards the end of the horizon the next time you’re conscious of the time. Oranges and pinks start to fill the sky. Somehow the day just slipped right by while you were all playing carnival games and jumping on the very questionable rides around the grounds. And it was all so fun. Your face ached from the contagious smiles and laughs that surrounded you.

There was even a time where you had talked Levi into trying the absurd ice cream flavors from a stall suspiciously located all by itself off the beaten path. The glare full of daggers was resounding but he caved. It actually wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be, but he disagreed strongly.

“Oh, you’ve got it bad don’t you.” Hange mumbles to the right of you, breaking you out of your thoughts. You were waiting by the sinks in the public restroom for your sister to finish up their business. You peer at them with confusion at their random question. They flick their eyes down to your fidgeting fingers that currently twisted the cherry blossom necklace dangling around your neck.

“For Levi.” Both were confident statements. You blow a raspberry at them and roll your eyes. Letting go of the charm, you lift your hands to say something, but you’re at a loss for words. In all honesty, you’ve never really sat down to think about your feelings for Levi past the ‘I like being around him’ thoughts. The comfort he emanated was enough for you, so you never gave it a second thought. But if the little moments throughout the day with him accomplished anything, it was the establishment of your feelings in a new light. Whatever those feelings may be.

‘Just a friend.’ Is all you sign back.

“Are you sure about that?” They tut and grip your biceps in both hands as they face you head on, their eyes bouncing back and forth between yours. A small smile plays on their lips, but when you say nothing back, she nods and walks out the bathroom door with you in tow.

The men are waiting outside the building, seemingly in an in-depth conversation. You catch Levi’s eye on your way over, your heart skipping a beat at the way the late golden sun rays hit his pale skin. His eyes flick back over to Furlan and Erwin’s conversation.

“There’s just a little more time before the fireworks go off. What now?” Hange calls out a few steps away, grabbing the men’s attention.

“It’s almost sunset! It’s the best time to check out the ferris wheel.” Furlan chips in.

‘Oh yeah, I’d love to check that out!’

“Sure thing. There’s something I wanted to see over there anyways.” Erwin smiles and turns, leading the charge. You end up falling back so that you’re at the tail end of the line. When you glance back, you see Levi trailing behind with his eyes fixated on you. Your step fumbles momentarily and you whip your head back around so you can watch where you were going. A soft huff-like laugh from behind makes you bite your lip in embarrassment.

The line luckily only had a handful of people in it. But with the wheel currently going, there was a little bit of a wait in front of you. You were behind a group of four kids who were currently goofing off and laughing with each other.

“C’mon Jean, you gotta get over it sooner than later.” A closely shaven haired kid blurts out with a hard laugh.

“No! I’ve asked him multiple times to stop calling me horse face! Now the whole class is in on it. It pisses me off!” The kid named Jean yells out. He's currently staring down at his phone, light from the screen illuminating his very agitated face.

“Hey, let’s quiet down. We’re out in public, you know.” A kid with freckles chuckles nervously, his eyes sweeping around the small crowd around them. They land on a figure in front of them furiously stuffing something in their mouth. “Sasha, what are you eating now?”

A girl with red hair turns with powdered sugar all over her face and she’s mid chew, her eyes wide and expressive. “Deep fried Oreos.” Her voice is muffled by the food stuffed in her mouth.

“How did you even manage to grab those? We’ve been in line this whole time.” Freckles asks exasperated. The shaven haired kid reaches over to the doughy goodness only for the plate to be whisked away with an almost growl coming from the red-headed girl. They start lightly wrestling. You laugh quietly at their antics with fondness. They reminded you of you and your siblings around that age.

After what feels like forever, the ferris wheel cars start unloading and reloading. The kids in front got into their own car, a couple of them pushing each other with laughter as they filed in. Unfortunately, each car could only house four people at a time. Erwin opted out of the ride, but then Levi and Hange got into an argument about who would stay behind so that Erwin wouldn't be left alone. Ultimately Hange won. Oddly enough, Levi didn’t seem too bothered by it as much as he let on.

That left you, Furlan, and Levi in one car. When you step in, the car wobbles ever so slightly and you have to grab on to the side to steady yourself. Someone places a hand on your back for support and when you glance back to see who it is, you see Furlan smiling up at you from the platform. You give him a nod of appreciation and turn to sit on one of the benches. The metal is cold even through your clothes and it makes you shiver.

With the sun almost gone, the sky now a stunning mixture of blues and purples littered with pale stars, the air was getting cooler by the minute. Furlan settles himself in the spot next to you, shooting you a half-cocked grin. Levi gingerly sits himself down on the bench across from you and takes a moment to use both hands to massage the kneecap of his bad leg with a grimace.

'Okay?' Levi shifts his gaze up to you at the hand movement.

"Fine." You smile at him softly, but he's already looking off to the side at the man closing the car door.

A moment later, you feel the car shift and then you're ascending slowly, cool air blowing from behind. You shift in your seat so that you can lean over to the side better, but the car is so small that your leg bumps into Levi. An apology is already on your fingertips, but Levi stops you with a look.

"No need. You're okay."

'Leg? Okay?' You frown.

"Fine." That word again. “Just a lot of wal-"

"Now look at this view!" Furlan cuts Levi off with a yell. His sudden loudness makes you flinch. He's got his body half-hanging out of the car as he stares out to the ground. You just now notice the wheel had stopped moving and the car was sitting almost at the top. When you look over on your side, you stare in awe at the lit-up festival grounds beneath you. The warm yellow glow is broken up by various multicolor neon signs and string lights. People mill around and the sound of muffled chatter makes its way up to your ears.

By this time, the sunlight was completely gone and replaced by a bright full moon with twinkling lights dancing around it. They remind you of Levi. His leg was still pressed up against yours. Glancing over, you see his head tilted up to gaze at the stars as well, his hair swept back out of his face. As if he could feel you watching him, his own heavy-lidded eyes peer at you over his cheeks. From this position, the way the moonlight illuminated his body… he was breathtaking. Divine, even.

"Where's Hange and Erwin?" You all stepped off the platform to wait for the two in question on the ground, but crowds of people filed out and the wheel was going again. Neither your sister nor tall, blonde friend had made an appearance.

"I bet they ran off to do something stupid." Levi mutters next to you.

"I know I haven’t known the two of them as long as you both have, but I get the feeling that they have an annoying habit of doing that." Furlan chuckles. He stretches his arms above his head with a yawn.

"It’s almost your bedtime, old timer." Levi jabs. Furlan punches him in the arm with a wide grin.

"You're one to talk, grandpa. Anyways, where to now?" His bright eyes glance over at you.

‘I need something to drink.’ You sign lazily, increasingly aware of your parched throat with every step. Levi nods to you in understanding and starts making a path towards the vendors closer to the heart of the festival without a word. You’ve noticed in the past month or so that Levi had surprised you with his quick ability to pick up signs, even specific ones.

Hange had made a comment about it a week ago but the way he brushed it off made you too nervous to talk to him about it, so you didn’t. You only wished you could have told him how much it warmed your heart to see him learning, whether it was on purpose or not.

You were so lost in thought that you hadn’t realized you lost sight of Levi and Furlan. The sounds of the crowd suddenly become louder as you’re pulled back to reality. You bite your bottom lip anxiously as you scan around, people’s faces and bright lights becoming a blur. Suddenly you feel a hand pulling at you and you’re being tugged out of the crowd by a strong grip. You were about to sigh in relief, but the hand felt unfamiliar to you. You attempt to pull back, but their fingers are wrapped tightly around your forearm, and you don’t have enough leverage to break free.

“There you are.” You don’t recognize the voice. The face you see when you look up is not one you’ve seen before but one that will haunt you forever. Dark shadowed eyes and a gaunt face, yellowed teeth bared at you with a nasty smile. You pull your arm even harder, eyes wide in panic, but the grip gets tighter. Instantly, you’re small again cowering on the floor of an old foster home. You open your mouth, like you’re going to scream, but nothing comes out.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing out here alone?” He purrs at you as he pulls you closer. His breath smells of strong liquor and is hot against your face. You go to kick him in the shins but it’s like the impact doesn’t even phase him. You lacked the velocity to do any damage, and he just chuckles darkly at your bleak endeavor. “Got a fighter, I see.” He begins to pull you closer to him and you have to use every muscle in your body to push away from him, your free hand trying to pry his fingers off your skin at the same time.

“Get your grotesque hands off her.” An icy voice calls out from behind you. Tears prick at the corner of your eyes because it’s a voice that you do recognize. The man smirks and is about to say something back but when his gaze flicks to the side of you, you see his face go a sickly shade of gray. The grip on your arm lessens greatly so you take this opportunity to shake him off and step back, rubbing the sore spot where his fingers once were.

“I-I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realize she was yours.” He stumbles back. You glance behind to see the scariest expression you’ve ever seen grace Levi’s face. The snarl pulls at his lips with a sharpness in his eyes. What you don’t notice right away are the cups that were once filled with some sort of liquid were now crushed in his trembling hands, purely from anger. The drinks pool at his feet but he doesn’t blink an eye, his focus strictly on the assailant in front of you.

“Yeah, she’s mine. Leave now before I make you regret ever waking up today.” Levi spits venom into every syllable. His aura radiates so much danger that you could feel it from where you stood. At that, the man runs off. Levi steps over to you, throwing the cups into a nearby trash can as he does. His gaze is noticeably softer when he centers in on you and the shaken state you’re in.

“Are you okay?” Levi speaks in a low, gentle voice. Taking a shaky breath, you sign a no with a trembling hand. He tenderly takes your forearm and inspects your skin under the streetlight that lingered above you. His hands are sticky from whatever beverages he had managed to procure for you. In the yellow light, you see a red hand-shaped imprint. Your arm will definitely bruise tomorrow, much to your dismay.

“Sick bastard, putting his hands on you like that.” He grumbles, his gaze stuck on your arm as he speaks. You’re reminded of that incident at the gala that felt like a lifetime ago. Taking your free hand, you pull your phone out from your back pocket and start up a new memo.

‘Thank you. For saving the damsel in distress. I needed it.’ He glances up at you incredulously. It takes a moment to sink in, but when he realizes what you mean, his lips quirk up into a half smile. A huff escapes his lips in what you think might be a laugh.

“Thanks for the gratitude. Brat.” He drops your arm carefully.

‘Where’s Furlan?’ You stand on your toes to look over the crowd, but you don’t see your taller friend anywhere. The way Levi’s face falls at your question goes unnoticed.

“Why? I’m sure he’s off doing his own thing.” Levi scoffs. You frown at his sudden attitude, stealing a glance at his uninterested face.

‘He’s your friend, aren’t you worried?’ He rolls his eyes, which were currently lit up from your phone screen.

“He’s fine. I’ll send him a message to let him know where we are.” And like that, the topic of Furlan is closed. You sigh as you take a moment to text your sister where you two were located. You look around for a noticeable landmark to direct them, and you spot the live stage to your left. No one was playing at the moment, probably on their break or waiting for the fireworks, you think. Instead, there is contemporary music playing from the stage speakers and a couple of people dancing.

‘Aren’t those employees of your café?’ You slide him your phone and then point to the dance floor when he looks up. A girl with medium-length hair the same shade as Levi is in the arms of her boyfriend and they’re currently swaying to the beat. You haven’t had much of a chance to really speak to Eren and Mikasa because normally when you came to visit the café, it was close to closing and they were already off due to being in school. They look so happy.

“Looks like they’re having fun.” Levi responds in a blasé tone. You stand there imagining that it was you and Levi instead out on the floor, him holding you just as tightly. You blink hard to get that visual out of your head. What a silly sentiment. A cold breeze blows through your hair, and it makes you shiver. You wrap your arms around yourself to hold in some warmth.

“Cold?” You nod sheepishly. You remembered halfway into the day that you had left your coat on the armrest of the couch in your excitement. Levi hums and you watch as he pulls off his leather jacket and then his hoodie. Your eyes flick to his exposed abdomen as he pulls off each layer, polished and toned. You look away quickly as you chide yourself for even staring.

“Here.” he says after a few beats. When you look back over, he has his leather jacket back on but is handing you his dark hoodie. Your eyes widen at the gesture, and out of instinct you shake your head no with a ‘thank you’ at the end of it. He pushes it over to you anyways, an earnest look on his face.  

“You look miserable. Just take it.” You frown at him again.

‘You’re one to talk, grumpy.’ You sign at him but take the hoodie anyways.

When you have it pulled down all the way, you can’t help the heat from searing across your cheeks as you feel the thick cloth hugging at every inch of your torso and arms. It seems your noticeable height difference had a huge disadvantage when it came to sharing clothes, not like it was ever anything you had thought about before. You look over to Levi whose gaze is intently fixated on you. His eyes flick up to yours and he looks away quickly, clearing his throat. Sharp, gray eyes side-eye you as he speaks.

“I-um. Are you warm?” You slide your cold fingers into the front pocket and smile at him, though the embarrassment was still eating away at you. You tuck your chin in the collar to get more warmth - it smelled just like Levi. Clean laundry, musky body wash, and surprisingly, a hint of lavender. It was calming in more ways than one. And it was so soft.

“I’m sure they’ll find us soon. The fireworks are about to start. Let’s go find a spot.” He mutters as he turns around on his heel and walks down towards the river without another word. You inhale another whiff as you follow him, smiling to yourself under the collar.

.

Levi and you had found a spot under the trees, out of the crowd just like he wanted. People shuffle around as they find their own designated spot, all laughing and talking. The festival lights dance off the river’s reflection as it flows steadily and not a single cloud obstructs the sky. It was so peaceful, stunning even.

But it was nowhere near as stunning as you were, leaning back to rest on your arms so you could stare up into the sky. It felt like every part of you overwhelmed his brain. The way his hoodie clung to your body, the way you looked at him, your stupidly sweet smile. The way his heart races any time he sees you let alone thinks about you. How could he not? Your eyes shift over to him, and he’s suddenly aware of his staring.

‘What?’ You sign to him. You’ve sat back up to stare at him, a perplexed expression across your face.

“Nothing. You just look relaxed.”

‘Yes. I am happy.’ Another soft smile that lit up your eyes. Levi didn’t miss how you made a conscious decision to simplify your signs just for him so he would understand. Through every interaction in the last couple months, you had left him with more knowledge on how to communicate better, but you assumed it was only the small stuff. Little did you know, he was currently taking late night lessons because he couldn’t stand not being able to look into your eyes when you messaged him.

‘You?’ A frown replaces your smile.

“Me what?”

‘Happy?’ You stare straight into his eyes as you ask, searching. This prompts a signature Levi eye roll.

“I don’t know.” He glances back over to your face and the noticeable drop in your demeanor has him scrambling to recant his statement. “I think I am. It’s nice here, I guess.” With you. He rubs the back of his neck anxiously as he watches your face turn back into a big smile. With that you nod, satisfied with his answer, and lay back down against your forearms like you were before.

Levi sighs under his breath and goes to do the same. But then he feels his hand grazing against yours, fingers lightly resting on top of each other, and an electrified shock passes from his arm all the way through his body. You don’t pull your hand away though, and neither does he.

In fact, you’re still staring at him with a look he couldn’t discern. You cautiously wrap your pinky around his own and offer him a reassuring smile. He doesn’t think twice about tightening his grip. The sounds of laughter and idle chatter dimmed away to the sound of his reverberating heartbeat that threatened to blow out his ears. What would it be like to kiss you right now, he asks himself. Your eyes flick down to his half-parted lips as he says your name in an almost-like whisper. Your eyes are a brilliant shade under the moonlight. When did you get so close?

“There you two are!!” You both jump away as you hear Hange’s earth-shattering shriek from behind, any contact now left cold from whatever that moment was with you. Levi hisses out of frustration. You’re already getting up to stand to meet the newcomers, so he does the same. Shitty-glasses and their shitty timing.

“I didn’t realize y’all had already found a place to sit! We were waiting by the dance floor this whole time.” Hange tuts as they playfully punch your arm. Erwin stood a couple feet away, currently on the phone with someone. The expression on his face gave the implication that it was not a pleasant conversation.

‘Sorry, a lot happened, and I got distracted easily. You found us though!’ A fake smile pulls at your lips. There’s a glance in your direction but it’s gone as quick as it happened. He didn’t imagine that, did he? Were you ignoring what happened intentionally or pretending it never happened? Levi kicks himself mentally and disguises his face in indifference as he speaks.

“Yeah, where the hell did you both even go? And have you seen Furlan?”

“I haven’t seen him, no. And we were wandering! Erwin suggested it. Also,” Hange reaches into their pocket and pulls out their phone. They flip to their contacts and then shoves the phone in your face. Levi blinks at the sudden change in brightness. “I got someone’s number!”

“So, you ditched us to chase after someone?” Levi crosses his arms over his chest.

“Nooo, I ditched you guys to wander, I just said that! This was just a bonus.” Hange purses their lips. “I gotta tell you about them! They’re just so…” Levi zones their voice out and watches as a laugh escapes your lips as you reach for your sister, an adoring smile lighting up your features as you ask questions about who it was that they found. Levi’s phone vibrates and when he slides it out, Furlan’s name is bold on the screen. Sighing, he presses the green button and pulls it to his ear.

“What?”

“H-hey sorry! I didn’t mean to ditch, I got lost and then sidetracked.” Levi stares over to you as you sign animatedly, laughter at your sister shaking your body as you converse. “Anyways, I was calling to let you know I haven’t been murdered or anything.”

“Tch, wouldn’t be the worst thing if that happened.”

“You jest but where would you be without your best friend? Probably in prison.”

“Whatever you say. Where are you then, if not dead?”

“Oh, I grabbed another bag of kettle corn and went home. I have an early shift anyway so…” There’s a moment of pause before Furlan’s soft voice mutters through the speaker, “Do you like her?”

“Who?” Levi grumbles, pinching his lips together.

“Don’t play dumb with me. I saw the way you looked at her all day.” You’re glancing over to him now, your eyes shining in a way that makes his heart melt. Hange says something else, and you break eye contact as you double over in a fit of giggles.

“You don’t know what you’ve seen.”

“So, it’s okay that I ask her out on a date then?” Silence. “That’s what I thought. Levi, you’re allowed happiness you know. Stop thinking something bad is going to happen.”

“Sure, but I doubt she feels the same.”

“You never know unless you ask. Anyways, I’m calling it. Talk to you soon, old man.” The line clicks and then he’s gone.

A resounding boom explodes from behind Levi, the sign that the fireworks show had just begun. The look on your face when you twist around mid-conversation to stare at the remarkable display left Levi in awe. The colors that danced off your face as you smiled up to the sky, your body practically jumping up and down from your enthusiasm. You were breathtaking to him in every way, and he decided right then and there that he just wanted you. Just you, and no one else.

.

The night ended in quick goodbyes as everyone had work the next morning, besides you of course. After dropping the boys off, you made quick work of the drive back home. Your mind kept wandering back to the spot under the tree, where you’re certain you had almost kissed him. Wait, you almost kissed him. What is wrong with you, you chide yourself. You were just caught in the euphoria of the day, that’s all.

You repeat that to yourself as you climb up the stairs to your shared apartment. Hange’s voice is dull against your raging thoughts, but you’re pretty sure they were still rambling about the person they met tonight. You go to unlock the door but are stopped mid-turn by Hange grabbing your hand to get your attention. Glancing over, you see a concerned look etched into their face.

“Are you okay?”

‘Fine.’ You unlock the door and push it open. ‘Tired.’ You yawn to emphasize, which really wasn’t a lie. Though your mind was far from tired, the events of today really wore you out.

“Me too. I could use a 30 hour nap. But I suppose 7 hours will do, for now.” They laugh as you both walk in the door, making sure to lock it behind you. You throw your bag onto the little side table before reaching down slowly to pull your shoes off. Something in your back pops. You were going to be so sore tomorrow, you groan to yourself.

“Hey, is that Levi’s jacket?” You glance down at the tight fabric around your torso. Shit.

‘Yeah, he let me borrow it. I completely forgot to hand it back to him.’

“I’m just surprised he forgot. He’s usually so meticulous about his things.” Hange says as she hangs her things up and pads to the kitchen to get something to drink. “It’s fine, we’ll probably see them again soon so you can give it back then.” Part of you didn’t want to, though.

You snap to get your sister’s attention before signing, ‘I’m going to shower then bed. Let me know if you need anything.’

“I should probably do the same. But hey,” They eye you carefully. “Are you sure you’re okay?? I notice Levi spends a lot of time around you.” You can’t help but roll your eyes at that, a habit you most definitely picked up from the guy in question.

‘It’s not like that. Everything is fine.’ You offer a reassuring smile. Everything was fine, just confusing.

“Okay, if you say so. But you do know you can talk to me about everything. Especially feelings for men. Certain raven-haired men that never smile.” They crack a big grin as you throw a couch pillow at their face on your way to your room. “Love you!!” You hear before you shut your door. How are you going to talk about your feelings about a certain terse man when you don’t even know how you’re feeling.

After your shower, you couldn’t help but pull Levi’s hoodie back over your head and snuggle into it. It might be smaller than what you’re used to, but it was very plush and warm. Not to mention the comforting smell that emanated from it any time you moved.

You curl up in your bed and yawn, recounting everything that happened today while fighting the urge to kick your feet like an overjoyed child. Suddenly the photo booth comes to mind. The photos! You fling yourself out of your bed and quietly tiptoe to the front hallway to grab your bag, making sure to be quiet so you don’t wake Hange - who could be heard snoring loudly from their room.

Back in your room, you empty the contents on your desk and grab what you were looking for; the film strip of the four of you. You focus on the last one as you lie back down on your bed, a blush creeping up your face while you stare. You press the photos to your chest again. There’s no mistaking it, there was something going on between you and Levi. Did he feel that too? How long were you both going to dance around the subject, you wonder.

On the off chance you are completely wrong though, you decide it might be best to wait. Saying something now might ruin what you both have, and you were not willing to risk that friendship. With the smell of Levi pervading your senses, you’re lulled into a deep slumber. The thoughts of him swirl through your brain and turn into pleasant dreams.

bzzzzz

Levi: I hope my hoodie kept you warm, please take care of it. Sleep well.

☾ Previous Chapter: March ☾ Next Chapter: May

[matan4il]

Buddie 611 meta

I LOVED that the ep showed us how Eddie wasn’t doing compressions on Buck because someone instructed him to. No, he just couldn’t stand by, couldn't let someone else try to bring his partner back to life, so he announced he was taking over, fuck anyone who would try to stop him. No one even tries to, they wordlessly acknowledge Eddie as Buck's mad with worry partner, much like how in 315, the team treated Buck while Eddie was in danger. And then Eddie shocks Buck’s heart back and gets his pulse going again. Eddie literally kept Buck’s heart going, and then he was still so distraught that he yelled at the medical staff (even though as a medic, he knows it’s pointless), “Do more!” 'Coz that’s what Eddie himself was doing, he stepped in and did more than he was asked to, a continuation of us having seen him doing exactly that in 610 as well, when he didn’t wait for Bobby to decide what to do to help Buck, Eddie charged up an electrocuted ladder he was just thrown off of. Because when it comes to Buck, he will always do more. ~~

The significance of the bond between them is also shown when Eddie is the first flashback Buck experiences within the coma dream, the first lifeline to the real world. That’s continued when the second flashback is to the tsunami, where Buck saved Chris. However, Eddie and Chris aren't quite present in these flashbacks. Buck’s subconscious is at war with itself. The Diaz boys are this powerful connection to the real world (much like Buck and Chris were Eddie’s back in 315, as I tried to demonstrate in this gifset), but the coma dream shows the power of childhood trauma and how much we can be trapped by the desire to fix it. The whole dream contrasts Buck having parents who are loving, who want and appreciate him, with everything bad that would happen if he weren’t with the 118. As the dream goes on, the price keeps getting higher, yet Buck still struggles until the very end with letting go of the illusion that his parents love him, and the sense he himself can be fixed if they do, like he’d then finally feel good enough. That’s why, in a sense, Eddie and Chris have to be more absent than present for the coma dream to be seductive. Because if they’re fully present, if he truly engages with their coma versions and remembers the family unit he has outside the dream, the balance would be tipped over, the battle would have been decided before Buck had a chance to learn his lesson.

That’s why he only hears what happened to Eddie, he doesn’t witness it firsthand, and why when the dream's seductive nature is failing, suddenly Chris is there (despite his coma version not being in LA) to tempt Buck into staying. Even then, walking away from the dream version of Chris while telling him that he’s not real is the only thing Buck says he'll always feel guilty about. ~~ 

I just gotta include a small note here on how much I love the progression we’ve had from Bobby saying in 101 that while Buck calls him “pops,” they’re not a family, through Buck telling TK aloud that Bobby’s basically his dad (in the crossover) to Bobby finally admitting this is true for him as well. I’ve pointed out this season repeatedly (like in my 610 meta) that the show’s dealing with questions of fatherhood, including the question of biology in that context, and this ep was no different, yet this truly was one of the highlights for me when it comes to this theme. I love how much Buck and Bobby mean to each other. ~~ 

Buck’s mom saying “your kids” and Buck being confused until she clarifies it’s not his actual children, it’s his students, then his disappointment, that’s one loose end that the ep didn’t wrap up, because that is a continuation of the whole sperm donor situation (with Margaret once more being at the center of confusion on whether Buck is a dad or not). This one is only going to be really addressed once Buck fully deals with his role in Connor and Kameron’s baby’s life, something he can’t properly do until he also faces his role in Christopher’s, a role that this ep really emphasized. No other kids were by Buck’s bed, not even May who has free access as a legal adult and who has now admitted she knows Buck is her step dad’s other kid. Chris needs his Buck in a way that no other firefam kid does. ~~ 

Which brings me to the heart wrenching fate we (and Buck) learn the Diaz boys have suffered in his absence. I have mentioned countless times in my meta posts how important I believe 204 was to Buddie. How critical Buck’s decision to step into Eddie’s mess with him was. Not once, but twice in that ep, first when he helps Eddie by talking to Bobby about Chris spending the day at the station with the 118, then when Buck introduces Eddie to Carla. I have always said Eddie was very attracted (and not just physically) to Buck from the start, but Eddie’s Christopher’s dad first, so he never would have been able to fall for anyone who doesn’t also love his son as much as he does. In other words, I’ve always thought the heart eyes Eddie gives Buck at the end of the Carla introduction scene, that was the moment when he was gone. And now we learn how meaningful Buck himself knows that was. Without that happening, his subconscious just knows Eddie’s parents would have succeeded with their threat of getting Chris away from his dad, leading to Eddie completely falling apart. Buddie's tale is a love story, and this coma revelation is basically the show telling us Buck’s subconscious already knows this. ~~ 

Eddie’s reactions in the real world are also a reflection of how important Buddifer’s little family unit is to all three of them. Keep in mind, even with his therapy, Eddie is still a reserved guy, right? He normally remains calm in the face of adversity, it takes a lot to rattle him, he doesn't easily get to the point where he falls apart emotionally. When he does in this ep, he only allows himself to when his son is looking away. And even then, he just can't go on answering Christopher's questions about Buck's state. So it highlights how important Buck is to Eddie, when the latter DOES fall apart. When he jumps in to take care of Buck on the gurney as it’s wheeled into the hospital. When he shouts at the medical staff. When he looks so wrecked at the hospital, close to what previously it took weeks of insomnia to do to him. When he can’t look at Buck's comatose body or stop himself from crying while he listens to Chris speaking or bring himself to be strong for his son and answer him. And of course, when the reserved Eddie goes against hospital regulations and parental common sense (to keep your kid away from disturbing sights), sneaking his son in to see Buck. But Eddie does it because he gets it. When Chris says he needs to talk to Buck, Eddie knows the full weight of this, because it’s his truth, too. Both Diaz boys need their Buck to wake up. So everything Chris is saying, all the comfort he’s offering, along with the insistence that Buck MUST return to them? He’s speaking for Eddie as well. ~~ 

I also liked that Buck realized during his coma dream two truths that seem, but are not, mutually exclusive: that he does have a family worth going back for, but that ultimately, he’s returning for himself. He’s not trying to please anyone else, he’s not trying to get anyone else’s approval. His adoptive family matters to him, even his bio parents who have failed him repeatedly matter, but at the end of the day, he’s not going back because his loved ones do or don’t need him, do or don’t accept him, do or don’t approve of him. He’s going back because he loves them and he wants to be with them. And that ties in with another thing we see in this ep. 

Bobby describes the coma dream as a world where Buck can fix everything. Buck says not all, seemingly implying he couldn’t bring Bobby back from the dead. But that’s not actually true, is it? 'Coz the coma world is Buck’s subconscious, it can be altered in whatever way he wants. Bobby can be there and talk to him despite being “dead” which means... he’s not really dead, not in the way that makes death so tragic, depriving us of our loved ones. Chris can be at the hospital, despite not being in LA and not knowing Buck. It’s a coma dream, there are no rules! Buck’s subconscious is king! And we know how important it is for Buck to fix things, Eddie pointed it out in 504, and we saw a callback to this just last week. The climax of this ep is even set against the musical backdrop of Coldplay’s Fix You. But this trait stems from Buck feeling like he needs to fix things, to be the hero, in order to be worthy of love. In the coma, Buck realizes he IS loved. And therefore, he doesn’t need to fix EVERYTHING in order to make a difference and be deserving of love. He IS enough, exactly as he is, limited fixing possibilities and all. That’s how he gets to choose both his loved ones and himself in coming back to reality. ~~ 

Oh, can we talk about the heart drawings scene from 514 and how it relates to this ep? I recently answered an ask about it, and pointed out I think Eddie’s heart has been Chris for years now, and for a long time, it was only him. But that scene showed how, thanks to the way Buck has been there for both of them along the years, helping, healing and loving them, Eddie’s heart is no longer exclusively his son. It’s Buck, too. Which explains why the heart theme we’ve been seeing with Eddie since 413 has expanded to include Buck’s in this ep, with Eddie literally restarting it. So 611 really affirms who Eddie’s heart now belongs to. We see how, without Buck, he would have lost Chris as well. Without Buck, he would have lost his whole heart. ~~ 

And that brings us of course to what kind of a person Eddie would be once that happened. We learn he would have become this angry man, drawing on his reaction during the lawsuit story arc. But notice that in both cases, a part of the issue causing Eddie's anger is not having Buck. Yes, back in s3 Eddie was dealing with Shannon’s death, but he doesn’t really start losing it until he also can no longer speak to Buck. Similarly, in the coma dream, he becomes Angry Guy due to the loss of Chris, but that is tied in with the absence of Buck in his life. In other words, losing Buck causes Eddie SUCH grief, that it has no other way out except for rage. ~~ 

Did you notice how once again, Buck got to be Madney’s truth teller? He did that first in 208, when he realized Madney are basically dating. Interestingly, everything he told Maddie about them was also true for him and Eddie. Then in this ep, he tells Chim Madney basically should be married, since they already share every other part of domestic and committed life. Obviously this will come into play soon. So just remember that once again, his words can be easily applied to Buddifer as well, plus Buck’s truth teller status was paralleled back in s2 with Maddie in 204, when she asked her brother about his newfound boy crush on Eddie... ~~ 

Okay, last one, but I just had to share with you maybe my fave parallel from this ep. You might have noticed in my 610 meta how much I think the lightning stroke parallels the shooting arc. Well, this was true with one of the sweetest moments in the ep’s conclusion. Just like how, at the end of 414, we got to witness Eddie hugging Chris while Buck watched on, so we get to see Buck hugging their son while Eddie looks on now. Except Eddie isn’t just looking. He enables the hug by helping Chris into Buck’s arms. Tell me again: how is this not a family? How are these men not partners, dedicated and loving towards each other in every way that matters...? ~~ 

Please enjoy direct links to my weekly meta posts, my Buddie gifs and more of my content in my pinned post. Endlessly thankful to @whosoldherout​, who​ blows my mind away every week with her hard work and beautiful gifs for my meta. Tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here. Thank you in advance for any reblog and like! I’m operating on far too little sleep in order to get this posted quickly, so I can't explain how much any and all encouragement matters to me. Thank you! xoxox

[dykenav]

Idk if anyone’s talked about this but I think part of the reason the story of The Last of Us is so compelling is because it isn’t just “father and daughter duo must survive against all odds”, it’s “traumatized man and teenage girl must choose to become father and daughter to each other to survive despite everything it is going to cost them.”

Like obviously there are many stories about survival, many stories about love, many stories about family, and even many stories about adoptive or chosen family. But I think its somewhat rare to find a story that is centered around the process of a single relationship falling into familial love, specifically parent/child love. Parental love is most often depicted and assumed to be automatic, biological and instinctual. It is not often depicted to be a choice. Similarly, a child’s love for a parent is often depicted as purely arising from selfish need rather than genuine connection.

And that’s not to say that Ellie and Joel’s love for each other is not selfish, needy, and instinctual - because it definitely has those elements - but it’s by no means obligatory. So many of us get raised by parents who we don’t feel like actually know or even like us, but still love us because we’re their children. And as children we might feel like we don’t really get our parents, but we still love them because they’re our parents. There’s no real intimacy.

It’s also not automatic. It takes time - first they resist each other, then they begrudgingly rely on each other, and then they have moments where they recognize parts of themselves in each other. Ellie being darkly fascinated and inspired by Joel’s violence and toughness because she longs to be able to protect herself like that. Joel being slowly thawed by Ellie’s feral joy and juvenile humor, reminding him of what it was like to be alive and excited by life, and being in immense pain at the realization of how much innocence she’s had to lose to survive because he’s lost so much of it in himself. There’s a deep understanding and intimacy that develops on both sides as a result, despite both of them being intimacy-phobic and horrible at talking about feelings. (There’s also of course the shared trauma, which aside from the strong bonds that creates in and of itself, at the very least gives them an excuse to have these moments of understanding without being overly mushy about it.)

The love that they feel for each other is also not just something that naturally develops - it emerges from a series of choices they make that have immense consequences. Joel making a promise to take Ellie to the fireflies for Tess as her dying wish, knowing he won’t back out because that promise is all he has left of her. Ellie shooting that guy to save Joel and Joel finishing the job so she doesn’t have to, leading to both of them opening up about the past violences they’ve committed. Joel giving Ellie a gun and teaching her how to shoot, in a way consenting to the loss of her innocence and knowing he won’t be able to stop himself from worrying about her nor will he be able to stop her from looking up to him. Her decision to bring up Sarah knowing it will hurt him, him hurting her in turn, almost leaving and then deciding to come back, to continue, knowing he’s way past the point of no return, that the doors of grief have been blown wide open and there’s no coming back from this. Ellie deciding to stay with him as he lays there dying, telling her to go, finding a fucking needle and thread to stitch him up with, having no idea what she’s doing, starving for food as she waits for him to get better, when it would have been so much safer to leave like he told her, going through all of that hell with David, Joel fighting for his life to get to her - every choice they make escalates them further and further into commitment and devotion. The consequences for that devotion get bigger and bigger, and yet they still choose it.

This of course culminates to Joel’s final choice at the end, which was not really a choice so much as the natural consequence of every other choice that led up to it. Not only the choices they made to keep each other alive, but also the choices that led to failures. Despite the fact that neither likely would have survived on their own, they’re also permanently changed by each other in ways that are not all positive. Joel knows that loving Ellie means running the risk of failing her, over and over again, just like he failed Sarah; and that to protect her means having to commit larger and larger acts of violence to keep her safe. Ellie knows that loving Joel means running the risk of being abandoned if he leaves or dies, and sticking with him means uncovering a violence in herself she will never be able to unsee. But they both still choose it anyway. They choose each other over and over again, without obligation, despite harrowing, soul-shattering, world-ending consequences. Is it healthy? Definitely not. But that’s what makes it so fucking powerful.

To see this level of insanity-fueling, logic-defying love depicted between a chosen parent/child relationship is extremely unconventional and incredibly alluring. I think it profoundly challenges the societal delusion that romantic love is stronger than anything else, while also challenging the supremacy of family defined by blood. It also shows that both the beautiful, healing, and dark, violence-ensuing sides of love do not emerge as part of some mysterious and random force, but rather results from the continual choice to save one another and be saved; to see one another and be seen; to know one another and be known.

[annoyinglandmagazine]

Elrond and Celebrimbor headcanons

I have so many feels about these two during the second age and I thought I’d inflict some of the pain onto you

Their shared family history is so fascinating. They’re completely opposite in some ways yet so similar in others. We have Celebrimbor only grandchild of Feanor, possibly the most infamous person in all of Arda. He’s the son of Curufin, the son of Feanor generally considered most similar to his father. He’s the second in line to the house of Feanor and very much considered part of it. He then spends large parts of his life trying to distance himself from all of it after recognising how morally awful his family legacy is.

And then there’s Elrond. He’s the heir to all that have the most reason to despise the Feanorians and all they stand for. His father is Nolofinwean on the Elvish side, his mother Sinda and Teleri and his own childhood home was sacked by Feanorians at age 6 before being essentially kidnapped. Yet despite all this he still claims Maglor and Maedhros as his parents. He still chooses this heritage as part of who he is even if most people would disagree with him about it.

Like that already sets them up for a super complicated relationship already. Just imagine Celebrimbor seeing Elrond for the first time during the War of Wrath wearing a star of Feanor. Imagine them forming a bond over the shared trauma of being raised by people everyone sees as soulless monsters. Maybe Elrond’s openness about his love for Maglor and Maedhros finally makes Tyelpe feel he can acknowledge his heritage again. Only in small ways, he hasn’t forgiven them yet, but he feels like he is allowed to have more complicated views on the subject than just hating them outright. He probably develops a very protective attitude over him pretty quickly as he just can’t believe such a genuinely good and kind ray of sunshine could want to be publicly associated with him and his insane relatives without even having a blood relation.

They understand and recognise characteristics in each other that no one else would. They know how exactly what the other needs when they’re going through something and don’t even need to speak to communicate that they’re having a difficulty. After Elros dies Tyelpe is the first person to hold Elrond while he grieves over it and neither ever forget it. They also have the darkest sense of humour that everyone else finds too much and their banter freaks out anyone who overhears. After a while they decide on the label of cousins. They never go into what kind of cousins or through who they just leave it ambiguous to avoid complications.

I think their relationship deteriorated during the Annatar incident. Elrond knows something is up with Annatar the first time he meets him in Lindon and he convinces Gil Galad to send him away immediately. Gil Galad doesn’t take much convincing he doesn’t strike him as trustworthy either and whenever Galadriel and Elrond seem to agree it’s generally a good idea to listen to them. And then he hears Annatar is in Eregion.

On his next visit he is hostile to Annatar the whole time and it sets Tyelpe on edge. He’s never imagined his sweet cousin could be so unpleasant towards one of his dearest *friends* while staying in his house. The look in his eyes reminds Tyelpe too much of the look his Maedhros would get sometimes. Elrond is freaking out the whole time because something is off! How can no one else see how messes up this guy’s aura is? It’s taking all his willpower not to go full Melian on the spot, all this guys energy is so absolutely wrong!

It culminates and they get into an Arguement. Tyelpe is convinced Elrond’s trauma and problematic role models are finally getting to him and he’s started seeing the enemies where there are none, just like his uncles did. Celebrimbor knows what paranoia looks like and he swore to himself never too become like that. Elrond just knows something is about to go terribly wrong and he needs to stop it but Celebrimbor won’t listen to him. Tyelpe had alway trusted his counsel up to now and he takes this new unwillingness to hear him out as further signs of manipulation. This gets very intense with Celebrimbor saying that Elrond was corrupted by his upbringing but it is past the point of no return when Elrond compares his blindness to that of Feanor. When Elrond draws his sword at Annatar after he sees him the next day Tyelpe tells him to leave. That’s the last time they see each other.

Several decades later Gil Galad receives a letter with Vilya enclosed in it. They know something must be very wrong for him to open the channels of communication after so many years of silence and Elrond convinces Gil Galad to let him head to Eregion at once. Eventually he relents despite his worry for Elrond’s well being and desire to accompany him himself, on the condition that Elrond brings Glorfindel with him. When Elrond arrives he is greeted be the sight of Tyelpe’s body being used as a banner.

He fights like a force more than a person, scarcely recognisable and slaying without effort or thought simply on pure instinct and raw power, all the drills he’d ever completed flowing entirely naturally. Eventually he recovers the corpse or what is left of it. He manages to lead his soldiers to retreat in what would become Imladris. When Glorfindel finds him he sees him cradling the body and knows not to speak. He helps him dig a grave and watches as he cleanses the blood from Celebrimbor’s wounds before laying him gently down. He never tells any save Galadriel and Gil Galad where he is buried for fear of vandals. He tells his children of Tyelpe’s kindness, his perseverance and desire to do good and help others no matter what.

[tillychmo]

I have to disagree with this take a bit.

In 205 Stede has several moments of bonding with the crew: After the raid of the cursed ship he is bonding with everyone but Jim, drinking champagne and celebrating his new suit and their ‘victory’. Later on he bonds with Roach & Frenchie (before Frenchie’s nut allergy). And when they go to the Belgian (I’m guessing?) ship to offload the cursed outfit, he is bonding with Olu about how cool it was when they were “fighting back-to-back”.

In 206 he bonds directly with Archie & Jim at the beginning of Calypso’s Birthday and also indirectly (by means of ‘being at a party’) with the rest of the crew. That bonding doesn’t stop till Ned Lowe separates Stede/Ed from the crew – and then it stops again, when Stede goes to his quarters after sinking Ned Lowe.

In 207 is where things start to shift a bit – Stede and Ed spend the whole start of the day together (as they should, all things considered), but then Stede suddenly starts to get recognition and is on an attention-high (because, as you said, he has never had this kind of positive attention before in his life), and this means that he suddenly drifts off on his own – even away from Ed – so even though the whole Revenge crew is also at Spanish Jackie’s they are not spending time with Stede, because he is ‘off in the stars’. But by the end of 207 they are literally all pleading with him to cry mercy, so Zheng will spare his life.

And while Stede and Ed are ‘alone’ on the shore, starting a new part of their journey together, with the ‘kids’ (the crew) off on their own, I don’t see that in any way as them (the crew and Stede) being ‘distant’ from each other. In that moment they are just on two different journeys — “And that’s okay” (110). Stede and Ed are on their own journey, starting an inn and trying to work out how to have an adult relationship, while trying to sort out all kinds of trauma that they’re both dealing with – and the crew are off on new adventures, off to scheme their way through life and hopefully make a plan for how to outlive the English.

But they’re all still a family. Stede and Ed are still the crew’s family. You don’t stop being a family, just because someone moves away for a bit ❤️😊

(And on a s3 prediction-note, I think there’s reason to believe that the inn could be part of a plan to get intel on the English – mirroring Zheng’s/‘Susan’s’ soup-kiosk in the beginning of s2.

I also have a sneaky feeling that Frenchie being made captain means that there’s still a way in for Stede to return as captain of the Revenge, if he and Ed decides to return to the sea […] which I think they probably will do, in some way shape or form, considering that David Jenkins has said/hinted that they will be terrible at running the inn 😅🙈)

I feel like Stede ends s2 in a very lonely place, Ed nonwithstanding, and it makes me sad.

In s1, one of the big moments for him was when the crew supported him during the Navy trial. Remember him beaming like this?

He has several close connections with crew members: Lucius, Oluwande and (in a more professional capacity) Buttons. These relationships are relatively one-sided because they are supporting him, but at this point, he's too self-centered to support them, or even see their problems. Nevertheless, he is surrounded by his crew in many ways, and interacts with them a lot. The final shot of him in s1 is him coming to rescue his crew.

This crew is who he starts s2 with. They interact mostly as a group. The crew sees him as their leader and follow him despite everything. He cares about their well-being in more focused and realistic way than in s1. When they find The Revenge and the rest of the crew he protects them despite being sure they killed the love of his life.

However, in the following episodes his connection with the crew gets thinner and thinner. In ep4, he is in conflict with them over Ed's presence on the ship, and spends most of the episode away, only interacting with Buttons who then leaves. In ep5 he's again in conflict with the crew and only interacts positively with Izzy. In ep6 he's supportive of the crew and their ideas, but still spends it mostly separate from them. In ep7, he's again separated from them, and the closest interaction he has is again with Izzy. (I actually like it, I would watch their bitch4bitch friendship as a spin-off.)

And then, of course, some of them try to leave him, and he loses the rest to the attack, and when he gets them back they part their ways almost immediately. He also loses that tentative friendship with Izzy.

Basically, Stede spends most of the season focused on Ed (understandably) and ends it with Ed (thankfully), but only with Ed. I'm happy for them, and it's normal for romcom to focus on the couple over the rest of the relationship. But viewed separately from the love story, Stede's arch in this season is the opposite of s1. In s1, he gains a chosed family, and while he leaves them for his blood family, he comes back and is accepted back. However, in s2 he grows distant from this new family, and his only close relationship is with his partner.

I'm sure he's happy with Ed. But Stede wasn't accepted into any social group through his entire life, except for his crew. I wish he got to keep this.

[sssrha]

transcription of slides under the cut:

[SLIDE 1] the vibes ao3’s top 9 mdzs ships give me (a really stupid thing i made on a lazy saturday)

[SLIDE 2] wangxian: the wholesome canon relationship (with a hint of spice)

ok maybe calling the union between a demonic cultivator and a secret sex fiend “wholesome” isnt exactly accurate…but that’s where the “hint of spice” comes in

other than that tho? i remember seeing a meme somewhere about wangxian and sangcheng and wangxian was described as “domestic gays with a house and a white picket fence and two kids” and honestly? yes 

not that they cant be freaky. id say their particular brand of freakiness is vaguely surrealist suburban horror. make of that what you will

[SLIDE 3] xicheng: either its “pair the spares” or just about trauma

their dynamic is 500% “karen/enabling husband” but like in a good way

objectively the best-dressed couple you will ever meet. like seriously why are you even trying? theyve got you beat

jc would own a flower shop and punch you in the face for saying a single bad thing about his flowers. lxc would own a tattoo parlor and hand you a lollipop and tell you how proud he is of you for not crying while he gave you a tattoo

they dont strike me as a “every evening we relax and watch the sunset” type of relationship B U T every other week they go stargazing with a detailed map of the night sky

[SLIDE 4] xiyao: either a) the angst of betraying/being betrayed or b) the angst of killing/being killed

high society gays. they would both unironically wear tuxedos to a mcdonalds. lxc would see it as a fun couples thing and jgy would do it to assert his dominance

i swear they would be among the smiliest of the major couples. only one of them would give you a happy smile

dont mess with them. no like dont mess with any of the couples but so far jgy is the first one who would make your life living hell and keep you around long enough to suffer the consequences

[SLIDE 5] sangcheng: being simultaneously over- and underestimated

i saw a meme about sangcheng and wangxian where sangcheng was described as something along the lines of “wine aunt and vodka uncle” and honestly? yes

they’re both human disasters. nhs would have various splotches of color on his clothes and you cant tell if it was intentional or if theyre actually stains. jc is very neat and organized but will have a mental breakdown at the slightest inconvenience

sometimes they just sit down across from each other and. cry. its how they bond

idk why it popped into my head but they’re both ace Because I Said So

[SLIDE 6] xuexiao: cute domesticity but also murder

i refuse to believe that xy is anything but unhinged in every universe. whether or not thats a good thing is up to you

xy could and would murder you in your sleep and not feel bad about it until xxc told him off. even then he might still decide it was worth it

xxc doesnt exactly know about The Murder Stuff(TM) but he knows some shit is off but he trusts xy enough to not comment on it

they would meet and hook up in a bar and mutually decide that they may as well stay together for the rest of their lives the next morning

[SLIDE 7] xuanli: the token straights (but also? theyre really cute???)

i did not expect them to be as cute as they were but here i am

anyway jyl has jzxuan wrapped around her little finger and shes just too nice to use that to her advantage

if jyl asked jzxuan for some chocolate jzxuan would just buy her the entire hershey company and forget to give her an actual chocolate bar and jyl is too sweet to actually say anything about it

they would definitely have like 20 children. theyd fucking love being parents. the moment having another child became dangerous theyd start adopting left and right. theyre rich they can afford it and their hearts are big enough for all their kids so why would they not?

[SLIDE 8] songxiao: childhood friends to lovers AND perfect power couple

i know they have more nuance than this but i cant help but think of them as The Perfect Couple(TM)

not shipping-wise!! i mean like. theyre both law-abiding citizens. their house looks like a model house. theyre dressed super neat and handsomely. they both know cpr and first aid and one of them is a lawyer and the other is an award winning writer. idk who is who but yk.

they are who people call to deal with problems instead of the police and they delight in that fact. that is what i mean by them being The Perfect Couple(TM)

[SLIDE 9] chengxian: disasters through and through

uhh i am going to be spending the entirety of this slide ignoring the fact that i personally consider them siblings

they would live in a dingy studio apartment in the heart of a city and theyd both never be home

theyre both super fucking rich but theyd never have any money on hand so dont be surprised if they just starve out on the street one day because theyre just that stupid

they collectively have the self esteem of rotting cabbage but theyre keeping themselves and each other alive purely out of spite and sheer force of will

[SLIDES 10] nielan: childhood friends to lovers AND himbo power couple

psst heres a secret: neither of them are actually himbos

H O W E V E R they both 500% pretend they are. they intentionally act as stupid as possible just for the fun of it

the best part is when they stop acting stupid when something important happens. crouching-moron-hidden-badass at its finest

also the older brother energy is overflowing. it does not matter who you are or how old you are. if you meet them then youre going to walk away with two new big brothers

[SLIDES 11] the end (unless i gather the willpower to make a part 2)

[clumsybookworm18]

Hi! I read your take on Five and Lila and I’m going to have to respectfully disagree. I’d like to offer a different perspective on Five and Lila’s dynamic, one that sees their relationship not as a sudden detour or narrative blunder, but a slow-burn that makes sense emotionally, thematically, and character-wise.

Let’s address the elephant in the subway: yes, Lila and Five spent seven years stuck together, and while, yes, trauma bonding is real, this wasn’t Stockholm Syndrome or whatever. These two already had tension, banter, mutual annoyance, reluctant respect. That subway didn't create chemistry; it marinated it until it was too strong to ignore.

The idea that Lila and Diego worked and talked through their issues feels… overly generous. They got together because of an accidental pregnancy, glossed over their problems because of the urgency of the kugelblitz, and never actually worked through the foundational cracks in their relationship. They had an idealized version of each other in their heads and went straight into playing house. And *shocker*: it didn’t work. Not because Lila didn’t care. But because she wanted more. Adventure. Freedom. Herself back. Lila did try to be what Diego needed. But in doing so, she lost pieces of herself. And when she voiced that he judges her, condemns her for needing space, for not wanting to be stuck in the carousel hell of suburban life and diaper changes, while he also longed for his vigilante days. Diego wanted the fantasy, wanted Lila to stay in the box labeled “wife and mother.” Lila was still trying to survive reality. Lila and Diego’s relationship didn’t fall apart because the writers stopped caring or wanted to throw an affair for the fun of it. It fell apart because they stayed true to who the characters are when the masks slip, when they’re forced to settle into a reality that doesn’t include their power, when they’re forced to be normal.

Lila’s return to her family is not a rejection of her relationship with Five but a reflection of her complexity. It is very clear that in Lila is a character that’s torn into who she is and who she believes she should be. When she decides to return to the greenhouse, she very clearly states she has children that need her, at no time does she mention Diego. In fact it's Five that brings up her broken marriage. Claiming that Lila realized she made a mistake is an interpretation, not a fact. What we saw was a woman torn, not regretful. She missed her children, chose her children, But choosing to return to them doesn’t mean what she shared with Five wasn’t real. These aren’t mutually exclusive truths. She can miss the life she built and still ache for the happiness she had with Five. This doesn’t make their relationship unrealistic, on the contrary, it is painfully realistic because of it. And this is not about depicting Lila’s choices as morally pristine because TUA isn’t a moralistic show. It’s a show about a group of dysfunctional characters trying to survive apocalypses, trauma, and themselves.

As for the alleged lack of resolution surrounding Lila’s feelings about Five murdering her birth parents- while the show doesn't focus on this plotline in Season 3, let alone discuss it in Season 4, that doesn’t mean it was swept under the rug. I’d argue Lila is an expert at emotional compartmentalization. She doesn’t confront things head-on, she lies, she masks, she redirects. Her initial rage in Season 2 against Five was visceral, but it’s clear she was struggling against more than just revenge. What’s fascinating is how her dynamic with Five changes after that! Yes, her grief, her rage, her need for vengeance was real. But so was the part of her that grew to see Five as more than the man who pulled the trigger. She didn’t fall in love with her parents’ killer– she fell in love with someone just as broken as her, who knew what it meant to carry the weight of working at the Commision, and who knew what it was like to have blood on their hands. That doesn’t erase the past, it complicates it. What could have been a simple revenge arc evolved into a wary truce, then grudging respect, and, dare I say mutual fascination. It’s the kind of storytelling that relies on playing the long game, and it’s intentionally messy. The type of messy that comes with loving the wrong person and realizing too late who the right one was. The type of messy TUA is.

That’s not bad writing, it’s brutally, beautifully human.

I'm glad we agree that this wasn’t out of character for Five. If anyone was bound to end up in a love story-and one that felt like a ticking time bomb at that-it was him. Five’s entire life has been about control, precision, and isolation. Lila blows all of that up. She challenges him, infuriates him, keeps him on his toes, and most importantly, she understands him. Not many people do. Dolores? That wasn’t a joke (as much as it is treated like it is). That was a boy, a man so starved of connection he built one out of fantasy. Lila? She’s the reality of what it means to actually feel something, of bringing that need for connection to life.

Your concern about the real-world age gap between actors is valid but here we’re talking about Five and Lila, who are fictional and are equals. In-universe, these are two adults who’ve been through hell, back, and several apocalypses. Five might look young, but emotionally? He’s older than his siblings, he’s lived a lifetime and then some. 45 years of isolation, war, and survival have shaped him into someone far more guarded and emotionally complex than his appearance depicts. He is not someone who connects with others easily, let alone romantically. That’s why his bond with Lila is so significant.

Lila, with her own history of manipulation, betrayal, and survival, meets him on that same emotional minefield. Mentally and emotionally, he matches Lila’s cunning, her exhaustion, her survival instinct. They’re two chessmasters circling each other, with a chemistry more akin to wildfire than sparks. Uncontrollable, reckless, but somehow inevitable. Their connection is built on mutual understanding, moral ambiguity, unspoken trust, and the rare relief of not having to explain the weight they carry.

Reducing their connection to just “cheating” ignores the deeper, more human truth the show wanted to convey, that love doesn’t always arrive at the “right” time or in a socially acceptable manner. It was meant to be complicated. Because that’s what real love is sometimes. It doesn’t wait for the perfect moment. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it, when it's inconvenient, when you’re tired and angry and vulnerable and stuck in a subway with someone who sees you, or in Five’s case it resurfaces under layers of concrete.

I also want to point out a bit of a contradiction in your argument. You mention that Five and Lila’s romance “came entirely out of left field” and felt forced, but earlier, you also acknowledge that the tension between them has been building since season 2. If that’s the case (and I’d agree that it is) then their connection didn’t just appear in season 4 out of thin air. It was the culmination of seasons of buildup: the banter, the rivalry, the reluctant partnership, the mutual understanding born from shared trauma, then having each other’s back, trusting with eachothers lives in the subway. Season 4 didn’t conjure up their chemistry…it simply provided something that was already there very limited room for it to unfold. Although it might have seemed abrupt, the story was actually revealing something that had been building across two and a half seasons. So maybe they’re messy, but to dismiss their connection as convenient is to overlook just how much groundwork the show laid for these two- from their rivalry in Season 2 to their partnership in Season 3 to their undeniable bond in Season 4. Five and Lila aren’t an accident.

So no, I don’t think Five was just “a thrill” for Lila. I think she saw someone who understood her. Someone who didn’t flinch at the blood on her hands. And Five? He finally let himself want something that wasn’t survival. That wasn’t duty or responsibility to his family. That was just her.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

I finished that essay I was telling you guys about!

TLDR for those of you that haven't seen my blog, I had to write a paper in the form of an open letter. This means that I had to write in response to someone that has a different view than me. I chose to respond to someone's blog on here! Thank you to @dontspoilthis for sending me the post that I ended up using in the paper! For privacy purposes I will not be including the blog name however. Here it is for those who want to read it :)))

Exploring Lila's Decision: An Open Letter to a Tumblr User

Hello [insert blog name here].

I have read your tumblr blog post about how you believe Five Hargreeves and Lila Pitts make a good romantic pairing. While I disagree with your statement, I do think that it used solid evidence from the show and was well thought out. With the last season of The Umbrella Academy having come out a little under nine months ago, people are still very much talking about season four and voicing their opinions on it. This show has been well loved for over six years by many of us, and has fans all around the world. Five and Lila are both exponentially strong characters, therefore when we saw them get together on screen there were some mixed reactions from all parties; everyone had something to say about Five and Lila’s relationship. 

Based on what I read in your post, you believe that Lila decided to marry Diego, Five’s brother, out of convenience. Additionally, you say that Lila wanted to create the family that she never got to experience as a child. Both the Hargreeves siblings as well as Lila had very callous upbringings, many days filled with training and mastering their powers. This made it so none of them experienced a real parental figure or family. At the end of season three, we see the Hargreeves and Lila go their separate ways, all powerless, and at the beginning of season four we see a time jump of five years and where they all end up. This shows that life for all of the Hargreeves sucked after they lost their powers and they had to be real and functioning members of society. This made it so, according to you, Five and Lila’s normally explosive personalities made them be a good pair throughout this season. They had the most chemistry, as well as they realized how similar they both were when they got stuck in the subway together for seven years. 

If you take everything else out of the equation, I too would fall in love with somebody if I had to spend seven years trying to survive with that person. That part is not unrealistic. Also, I think that over the years we all have grown attached to these characters and genuinely want them all to be happy in the world they find themselves in. Especially Five, who spent forty five years alone and then had to awkwardly transition back into society in the body of a child. Some argue that Five falling in love with Lila was out of character. However, you and I agree that Five would absolutely act in his own self interest after fighting for so long. He is old, tired, and lonely. He craved love and affection (which was shown when he fell in love with a mannequin in the apocalypse). I do see where you are coming from when you say real world love is unpredictable and messy, and that these two characters acting this way made them feel more real. In different media we often wish to see characters feel the things we want to feel, therefore watching Five and Lila fall in love despite societal norms was liberating in a way. 

While I do understand and respect your view, I would like to bring in points that might not have been considered previously. When filming the fourth season, Aidan Gallagher, who plays Five, was nineteen years old. However, there has been tension building between Five and Lila since season two of the show, this was well before Aidan was of legal age. This, combined with nineteen year old Aidan and thirty four year old Ritu (who plays Lila) having a non-rehearsed kiss, makes me reasonably uncomfortable. I totally understand being an actor and intimate moments being part of the job. However, I do believe that this is a bigger problem in all of Hollywood with actors having huge age gaps and being forced to be intimate. Additionally, the writing of this romance feels a bit like trying to get us as an audience on board with a condemnable act: cheating. Sure, Lila was miserable in her marriage. However, she should have broken off the marriage way sooner instead of cheating on Diego with Five. The way the show panned out, it seemed like we were supposed to focus on this new found love between Five and Lila and just ignore the heinous act being done to Diego. The writing for Five and Lila’s affair came entirely out of left field and had nothing to do with what was set in previous seasons for Five’s character arc. The main writer for the show, Steve Blackman, said himself in an interview that, “[He] felt that Five had to have a love story” (Blackman). From this interview, it seemed that the writers didn’t have an exact plan for who would be Five’s love interest, therefore making this affair feel forced. The way that this was executed showed that the writers had little care for what was already written for Five, Lila and Diego. The whole point of Lila and Diego’s relationship was that they worked and talked through issues they had. When Five and Lila return to the family after escaping the subway, we do see the realization set into Lila that her relationship with Five was strictly situational, and she did miss both her children and Diego. While it is on brand for her to be hard headed and stubborn, as well as putting her own needs first, she does realize that she made a mistake. Finally, Five and Lila’s relationship is the most unrealistic due to the fact that for an entire season, Lila was trying to kill Five after she found out that Five killed her birth parents. This was never expanded upon or resolved for the entirety of the show. Therefore, it seems a bit odd that Lila would essentially disregard this to be with her parents' murderer.

Moving forward, I think that while we may not agree on Five and Lila as a pair, I think we both can agree that them getting together was important for the storyline. Diego realizes he hasn’t been putting enough effort into the marriage, and Lila puts her needs first. However, I don’t think that Lila is in love with Five. He was a convenience and an accessory to her going back to the thrill of the hunt. She loved the sensation and the situation, she did not love him. Lila having an affair with Five acted as a hurdle in order to further the character development of all parties involved.

If you made it to the end, let me know what you guys think!