#even though there are some other opportunities i should really be working on applications for too

[astriiformes]

Today is the last day to apply for the state historical society's fall internships and there are 4 or 5 that I should really seriously look at applying to but I cannot seem to make myself do it. I don't know what's up but I am exhausted and demotivated and struggling to do anything productive today.

Anyway, please hold me to at least trying. I figure grasping for some accountability is as good a strategy as any.

[usedpidemo]

Too many nights ((G)I-dle Yuqi)

The way you see it, even if the signs were right in front of you all along—written in bright, colorful signposts with the largest text imaginable—you’d still be hurling yourself off that cliff. 

Yuqi knows this too—you think she does.

At the very least, she looks convincing enough that she feigns innocence on the matter, and she is. It's mainly a you problem. She doesn’t know you much other than being the sweet, quiet guy who was her roommate in college and nothing else.

And that’s probably the reason why she’s standing in front of your newly minted apartment on a random Monday.

—————

You’re waiting for her to pick her bags off the floor and leave. You told her to leave three times. Threaten to call security on her. She doesn’t budge. Instead, she stares. Stubborn, obstinate, unyielding.

“Please, give me one opportunity. Please let me explain myself.” Yuqi finally breaks her silence, eyes wide, glinting with tears, pleading.

“Shoot.”

She looks down, unable to see you eye to eye, her hands running through the pockets of her skirt. “You’re right. I’ve taken your kindness for granted, and I’m sorry. I really am.” 

Pausing, you’ve never heard her sound this quiet, this personal. “I never truly appreciated you till I was home with my parents. I should have focused more on studying than going out and having fun. Now look. They’re pissed that I’m being a bum at home instead of working, so they kicked me out.”

She proves your theory to be true. She has no reason to be here unless you bail her out of trouble again.

“But I can’t find one job that I like. Working a 9-5 or any regular cashier job seems so boring, you know what I mean? Doesn’t feel like my type of thing to do,” she continues, lightly kicking the suitcases with her feet. “My friends are all busy, so I had no one to lean on. Then I remembered you! So here I am.”

At least it was nice seeing Yuqi act mature for at least three minutes before reverting to her usual spry, childlike personality. 

“Okay? Well that’s on you for being lazy, and I can’t help with that. Sorry to hear you got kicked out, but I have nothing to offer you. It was great seeing you, though. Good luck with that job.” 

You try closing the door, but she stops it with her foot. Peeking through the narrow space, you find Yuqi persistent, unrelenting. “Wait. Hear me out for a second, I said I didn’t wanna be your roommate.”

“No, Yuqi. Just go—”

“I really need you right now. I’ve already applied to like five different companies on public wifi, it’s so fucking slow and I doubt they even got my email. I just need a place to stay for like a month. Trust me, I’ll get a job and when I get paid, I’ll spend it on finding my own apartment! Just give me this one time.”

You swear you’ve never heard Yuqi this desperate, this loud. Your neighbors are probably ringing up security right now, maybe the owner too.

“Okay, okay. Just calm down for a minute, will you? Our neighbors are listening.” You open the door lightly and Yuqi’s eyes light up. You didn’t even say yes, but it might as well be a confirmation to her.

“You promise? You’re actually working on a job application?” you ask, doubtful about her claim.

“Of course.” Yuqi shows her phone, presents pdf files of multiple application letters to the very places she doesn’t want to work. Some fastfood chains, at convenience stores, and mall outlets. “None of them have replied back, so—I’m still trying to apply to more places, but I’m almost out of data on my plan and I don’t wanna spend another night inside my car. Just give me this one thing? Okay?”

Seeing the evidence firsthand, you can’t help but be impressed. If you had any spine, you’d contemplate the proposal more, give it some time to mellow out, maybe let her elaborate some terms of agreement. But in a moment of weakness, you yield right away. What’s one month of Yuqi gonna do to you?

“All right, fine. I’ll let you stay—”

“I owe you one, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Yuqi doesn’t even let you finish your sentence when she brings her suitcases into your apartment at record speed. She gives you a peck on the cheek in appreciation twice, one for each pair of suitcases she shuffles in.

You can only sigh in response before closing the door.

—————

Before Yuqi gets comfortable in her new place, you sit her down on the living room couch to discuss house rules. This isn’t like college, where you share a dorm together, split the bill and have personal spaces. While you don’t own the apartment, you make one thing very clear: she’s bound to you and whatever rules you impose on her.

“Let’s make one thing and one thing clear: you break any of my rules, you’re outta here. I don’t care if you explain yourself, you’re gone. Understood?”

“Right.” Yuqi’s trembling with excitement and impatience, nodding erratically, kicking her legs up, goading you into rushing through everything so she can lay on an actual bed. 

You take a moment to analyze her suitcases in the middle of the room. Facing her, you ask cautiously, “Tell me you didn’t bring your—”

“Yep!” She responds almost immediately, thrilled to answer your question, as if it were muscle memory. “It’s exactly what you think it is.”

And there goes your supposed rule one. Of course she brought her entire dorm room decor along. Knowing her, they’re likely encompassing two of her suitcases.

“Yeah, no. My landlord is quite strict about decor, so you can’t put them up,” you tell her bluntly; there’s no getting around his rule, even if your roles were swapped.

She frowns, visibly devastated, probably more hurt than being kicked out by her family. It’s the end of the world, but she won’t give in. If there’s even a slight possibility she can have her way, she will force herself through. “Please? Even just my room—”

“Not a chance. It’s just a general rule here, sorry.” You make sure to shut her down immediately. “I didn’t make that rule, anyway. Blame the owner.”

Yuqi acquiesces. She groans with displeasure, crossing her arms, acting bratty. No act can convince you to change your mind.

“Right. Now actual ground rules. This isn’t a dorm so you can’t just freeload as much as you want. Now I understand you're still working on that job application, so all I’m asking is just for you not to be completely messy, got it? So don’t eat my leftovers without asking, don’t go out to clubs and ask me to drive you home when you’re drunk, none of that. If you’re drunk, sleep outside the room. I don’t want to clean up vomit on the carpets.”

Surprisingly, Yuqi agrees without complaint. You’re unsure whether she’s nodding so she can settle in, or if she actually understood every single word.

“I seriously hope you’re working on that job—”

“Don’t worry! Just give me the wifi password and I’ll be set.” Yuqi can’t help but interrupt you every single time, and to her credit, it’s effective. She does seem dead set on taking this opportunity to redeem herself, and it’s a convincing act. As insufferable as she can be at times, you want to see her succeed. You want to see her win.

You jot down the wifi password on an extremely thin sheet of paper and place it on the table before her. Before walking away, you ask her, “You need me to help with your belongings? I’ll get the guest room ready while you make yourself comfort—”

“Nah, it’s fine!” Yuqi’s typing on her phone, not even shooting you a look in your direction. “I’ll get it sorted out, don’t worry! Just pretend I’m not here.”

To her credit, she does get her belongings sorted out. By evening, she moves into a cleared out storage room that’s now her designated bedroom. Words are hardly exchanged other than simple pleasantries and greetings. You ask her if she had dinner, she says yes. She doesn’t take anything from the fridge other than some water. There’s a knock on the door; she answers and comes back with a package of chinese food. She offers to share some, but you modestly decline.

You never ate together when you shared a dorm in college. She would eat her inside her bedroom or after you already cleaned up. At times, she’d come back to the dorm late and you wouldn’t see her till the following day. You share the same space but you have vastly different lives. The feeling is familiar, but the setting is new: having dinner under the low light, uncertain about your futures. 

This feels like your first day together all over again.

—————

The first night with Yuqi is a quiet affair. There’s hardly any commotion. An unusual scene. She finishes her food ahead of you then retreats into her bedroom without uttering a single word. 

When you wake up the next morning, Yuqi is already at the dining table. Browsing her laptop, coffee in hand, seemingly focused on that next job application. She doesn’t even greet you or acknowledge your existence; she’s in her own world, but in a good way. 

“Morning,” you quietly say, trying to grab her attention, but it falls on deaf ears. 

“You off to work?” she asks, preceded by a mouse click while you pour onto your mug. Her attention remains glued to the screen, paying you no heed.

“Kind of?” You take a seat opposite Yuqi’s side on the table. “I work here. Or should I say: this is my workplace.” 

“Wow. I wish I could work from home. Would be nice,” she replies between mouse clicks and keyboard taps.

You take a light sip of your coffee. “What course did you take again?” 

“Umm—” Yuqi slumps back in her chair, “I think it was medicine? I wanted to become a guitarist and have my own band, but my parents wanted me to become a doctor. And I don’t wanna ruin my handwriting, so—” 

“Don’t you have a band with your friends? The one with—”

“Yeah that dream died two years ago.” Yuqi’s eyes squint, brows furrowing, running through every word slightly faster than normal. “And I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Not even a little—”

“No.” She faces you with a surprisingly cold glare, a sight you’ve never seen before. “They can just fuck off—those goddamn bitches.” 

You find yourself unable to move the conversation forward after her abrupt turn. It’s probably for the best; you hardly paid any attention to Yuqi’s life to be entitled to a substantial explanation. 

The rest of the hour goes by in deafening, awkward silence. Here’s Yuqi, this ball of energy whose life primarily revolves around partying and getting rowdy, calmly clicking on the touchpad and typing a few words every now and then in search of a way to fund her addiction. You can tell from her sullen expression just how deprived she is of that high—how incomplete she feels without the rush of adrenaline, ecstasy, and alcohol flowing through her veins. It’s impressive how it takes someone to hit rock bottom to turn their life around, how all this could have been avoided with a few decisions.

Still, it’s never too late for someone like her, and as long as she holds up her end of the deal, i.e. leave you for good after this, you’ll actively root for her success.

—————

“Fucking hell, dude,” sighs Yuqi, slamming the panel of her laptop hard, her fist narrowing missing the edge of the table. While you’ve made yourself comfortable at your usual workplace, a spacious office desk on the other side of the living room, you’re preoccupied scanning through numerous documents and emails your boss sent you. A look at the bottom right of the screen tells you it’s half past lunch. Then your stomach grumbles, as if the clock wasn’t enough of a reminder.

“Gonna make lunch,” you say to a vexed Yuqi, who’s stretching her legs against the table and her arms to the ceiling, body likely aching from her hunched position. “You good?”

“Yep.” Her tone perfectly toes the line between sincerity and sarcasm. “Got three rejections—no, four, actually. The last one was sent minutes ago.”

You’re not sure how to respond.

“Oof.” 

You couldn’t relate to her even if you tried. Of the two applications you sent, your current job is the one that gave you the freedom and flexibility to work from home, even if it paid less than the other. That was six months ago; finding job opportunities has become way harder, or so you’ve heard from your other unemployed peers from college.

“Finding a job sucks,” says Yuqi, stating the obvious. She finally gets up from her chair, brings her laptop back into her bedroom to charge before reemerging with a hairpin wrapped around her knuckles, tying it around her loose red hair. “So, what’s for lunch?”

“Meatloaf and eggs,” you reply, firing up the stove as you grab pans from beneath the sink. “Not sure if you’ll like it, though.”

She lifts her eyebrows, intrigued, but mostly unbothered. She’ll eat anything as long as it isn’t fast food or from the convenience store, and she doesn’t have the gall to complain, anyway, as your roommate. 

—————

“So, how’s the job hunting going?” you ask her right as the sun descends over your apartment windows. You have your schedule down to a science, finishing all intended projects and goals when neighboring buildings’ lights open. Weekdays can’t be anymore mundane and monotonous, but you get the job done, you’re paid handsomely, and you have time for your other hobbies.

Meanwhile, Yuqi looks like she doesn’t want to stare at a computer screen for a week, maybe a month. She looks worse off than she did in the morning. It’s evident in her clothes, her hair, her face: frazzled and messy. A perfect representation of her state.

“What do you think?” she replies, never sounding so heated, so frustrated. A look at her screen shows a new rejection letter, piled between several others, already read. Each one with different reasons, different ways to hurt, but with the same intent: we appreciate your interest, but we have chosen a different candidate from a very competitive pool—we don’t think you fulfill our qualifications—we’re looking for someone with more experience—we wish you the best in your future endeavors. You’ve noticed she tends to click back and forth between each letter, as if to torture herself further.

“I think you should put that laptop away. Try again tomorrow,” you tell her, closing the panel while she’s scrolling, stealing her attention. She readjusts her glasses, blinking rapidly, annoyed at your little intervention. “I’m going for a walk. You should join me.”

“And what if I don’t?” she asks, threatening to pull her laptop away from your fingers. 

“Good luck going out when I have the room key then.”

“I don’t have my running shoes,” she replies, and she’s telling the truth; she only brought one pair of slippers with her, the rest being colorful sets of boots and expensive high heels.

“Then grab some from my closet and wash up. You’ll look stupid if you go out in those silly boots.”

—————

At first, you believe she had declined the offer; you had already left the building when Yuqi caught up to you moments later, huffing and puffing from exhaustion. Hey, maybe she could have been a great track and field athlete if she put her mind to it.

You can’t help but make a little comment. “Thought you weren’t going to go out.”

That was for all the times she’d make similar remarks to you back in college. They never really bothered you; you were never a man of high morals and upstanding, but at least you had your priorities sorted out, unlike Yuqi. 

Yuqi playfully counters your rib, shooting you a disparaging stare. “Dude. I’m doing you a favor by doing this.”

“Elaborate.” You laugh.

“You never went out whenever I asked you. You always said no to parties.”

“And for good reason. Look at us now.” 

If you wanted to, you’d be harsher. You have years of dirty laundry and grievances to air out, but this is as concise and as restrained as you can express them without getting accused of attempted murder. Besides, you can’t keep a straight face the longer you look at her. She clearly stands out in a rather dreary and dull crowd, and it isn’t the red hair as bright as the sun, it's her look—or lack thereof. Your oversized hoodie, your running shoes mixed with her pajamas, the lack of bra—it’s obvious she only did the bare minimum to look decent in a public setting, and yet she fits in all of them like a glove.

“Where are we going, anyway? Can it be a bar? I hope it’s a bar.” 

The first thing she wants to look for once outside is a place to drink. Of course. It’s hardly a surprise to you or anyone at this point.

“Where’s your car anyway?” you question back. 

“I dunno. Could be in the carpark, could have been impounded. I don’t remember, and I don’t really care. It smells like dogshit, anyway, cause I’ve been living in it for the past three weeks.” 

Yuqi talks with a fine blend of fast and sardonic, evidently scarred from all her ordeals with that car. She’s never experienced living outside her glass castle until now, and it shows. She’s dragging her feet with every step following you close behind, trying to soak in the scenery around her. Street lights, joggers, buskers, friends, and partners of every sort, people that you actually know and recognize. It’s all foreign in her eyes. All she knows are strobe lights, loud music, drinks, and rowdy crowds. 

“So, like, do you just go on a walk every single day or you only do this because I’m your roommate?” she wonders, her gaze lingering at a passing woman jogger that catches her eye. Jumping to conclusions, she adds, “Are you telling me to touch grass? As if I hadn’t been doing that for weeks?”

You turn around and notice her distant stare, still fixated on that woman, ruminating the prospect of leaving you for her instead. “I don’t think getting blacked out drunk and vomiting in your car counts as touching grass.”

“How do you even know that?” Yuqi faces you, provoked by your comment, pouting. “You hardly attend parties, even when I invited you. You always turned them down.”

“Word gets around fast. I thought you already knew that.” 

If she could, she’d grab you by the throat and strangle you to death or rip you in half. It stings. She questions whether your blunt, matter-of-fact delivery makes the statement ten times more scathing. Then she wonders if she made a mistake, dressing up and going after you, when you’ll just be making her regret her life decisions like her parents did. You hardly cared back then, so why now?

“Can we just go to a bar? You’re being annoying.” Yuqi stares into the distance, intentionally averting her gaze away from you.

“If you have the money, then sure, let’s go for it.” You know she has no leverage or power; she can only afford fast food and a month’s worth of groceries and daily necessities. It pains her to make a willing decision to pass on alcohol and avoid bars and parties. She’s down horrendously, but she won’t directly confess her own fatal flaw. 

It takes everything within her not to slap you square in the face. 

And you can play this game all night long until she folds. You can stand there, argue, and debate with Yuqi till she runs out of excuses and complaints. Four years of pent up material to unload onto her, make a scene in public and turn her into an example about not wasting one’s life away. You can go further, you promise. 

Instead, you both settle down in a cafe on the other side of the park as a compromise.

The place is more suited to Yuqi’s style: lively crowd, comfortable ambience, all the caffeine and sugar as a proxy to her raging alcohol addiction. Most importantly, she won’t pay for shit. You don’t even end up drinking your own order; she does it on your behalf. You settle for a tiny cup of tap water instead. In a way, she’s acting like a needy dog, desperate for attention without concern for anything else that doesn’t involve her.

“Fucking hell, I never knew I needed this,” she echoes, sipping up the last quarter of your coffee, glancing at the menu over the counter, itching for another. She’s keen on paying from her pocket this time; she recognizes you won’t give her another freebie. “This shit tastes so good.”

You can only shake your head, not even remotely trying to hide your frustration toward her. Her obliviousness is kind of cute in a way, making her look a bit sympathetic. 

“Maybe I should just work here,” she says, her eyes moving in every direction, her attention taken by something shiny every five seconds. Plenty of action happens at night: groups entering and exiting, the pervasive scent of fresh coffee brewing in real time, and plenty of girls to ogle at. In particular, there’s a waitress with a cherry tattoo on her neck that’s captured her interest. She can’t help but point her out to you, grinning widely at her. “See that waitress? She’s kinda cute.”

“Uh-huh.” You’re not really paying attention; you’re there mainly for the free wifi and a snack, not to flirt. Luckily for you both, the waitress is preoccupied with meeting high customer demands to notice. “Good idea, maybe you should apply here.”

The longer you stay inside the cafe premises, the more Yuqi becomes less inclined to leave. You end up having dinner, a couple of ham and cheese sandwiches from the snack menu. On her end, four cups of coffee strewn on the table, all drank by her. If this was some ploy to make you pay for free drinks, it worked to a tee. Anything to avoid engaging you in a serious conversation.

The opportunity never presents itself. Soon, the cafe becomes dimmer and muted. Staff are closing off sections, clearing trays, and cleaning up empty tables. Since you entered the cafe, she has not made a move on the waitress at all, even when you’ve tried pushing her over the cliff numerous times. Her shift is close to done, ready to check out for the day. One more opening. Still, Yuqi watches her intently, but can’t find the strength to stand, let alone pull the trigger.

“Well? I thought you were gonna ask her out or something.” You take a look around and come to a grim realization: that you’re the only two customers left.

“I—I don’t think I wanna do it now.” Yuqi turns around, playfully grinning, but rushing through her words. “Maybe when I get the job here. Maybe.”

You can only react in quiet disbelief to how this was all just a huge waste of time—and money.

“Fucking—” you sputter before masking the rest of your response, groaning as you rise from your seat, leaving.

After two days, your main observation is that Yuqi hasn’t changed much. If at all.

—————

The rest of the week follows a similar structure. It’s comforting; it’s the kind of monotony you’ve acquainted yourself in ever since having your own apartment. Yuqi’s always up before you, an hour in advance, she’ll tell you. At her usual spot around the dining table, on her laptop, coffee in hand. You stop asking for updates after the third day; you’re certain she’ll figure things out. Your mindfulness and curiosity get the better of you, peeking through the screen on occasion, only to find the same thing. One rejection after another, mixed in with a new application letter in between. From the outside looking in, it’s as if some divine force doesn’t want her to get that job.

In the evenings, you go for your usual walks. Yuqi joins you out of the apartment building, but instead of following, she separates and heads the other way. She’s wearing her own earphones and your hoodie, something she’ll end up keeping. The few times you run across each other, she's holding some drink in her hand, usually the coffee from the cafe you spent time with her in, her hoodie pooling with sweat all over. No pleasantries, you mind your own business till you return home.

It isn’t until two weeks after she’s moved in that you extend an invitation: a visit to a newly opened lounge on the other side of town. You preface the invite saying you only knew about the place because it had opened a month ago, and had mostly forgotten about it until you remembered her. She’s doing well for herself, so you might as well reward her for her efforts, even if it hasn’t gone anywhere. And it isn’t Yuqi without asking for some kind of favor; in this case, taking a ride in your car because hers has been impounded by the police. You’re not even surprised that she’s too lazy to reclaim it herself.

Your friend says the lounge is newly opened, but once inside, you’re uncertain about her claim. Whether it's by design or her being a complete liar, grimy, poorly lit, in the vein of all those underground clubs you had seen in action movies where a shootout or police raid occurs. Simply put, there isn’t anywhere pretty to look at, and you feel icky just by being here.

To Yuqi, it’s a fantasyland: it’s where she’s meant to be all along. She’s so overjoyed to be there. 

“It’s you!” calls a familiar voice; you turn and find a friendly face over the counter waving to you. You quietly leave Yuqi to herself and approach the bartender, who just so happens to be the owner. “I never thought you’d come and visit! It’s great to see you.”

“Only doing this for a friend, Minnie,” you silently tell her, pointing your finger at your invited guest, the sole reason you’d ever be here. She recognizes her immediately and understands.

“Yuqi, huh?” She looks intrigued, her gaze lingering at the girl. A subtle grin is forming on her face. “Never thought the two of you would be an item like that, considering she’s a party animal and you’re—”

“No—no—don’t get it twisted,” you interrupt, frantically trying to clear up any presumption. There’s no chance in hell you will ever find yourself attached to Yuqi romantically, not even a little. “It’s—a long story.”

“Do tell.” Minnie smirks, teasing, alluring. She looks the part of a bar owner, all right; dark eyelashes and shadowy lipstick matching her pitch black hair. Not to mention her slim dress perfectly hugging her tight frame, showing enough cleavage to draw attention. As a friendly gesture, she gives you a wine glass and pours a drink on it. “We’ve got all the time in the world and all the drinks you need. All in house since you’re a friend.”

So you oblige yourself to a tiny sip. The place is surprisingly quiet and empty, even though it’s the weekend, with lo-fi music playing through the speakers as the only form of background noise. Minnie doesn’t have much on her plate. She can lean on the desk and listen to you all night long.

“So, two weeks ago, Yuqi moved into my place trying to look for a job,” you tell Minnie before taking another sip. Both of you take quick glances at Yuqi, seemingly having the time of her life, scaring off the sole patron by the billiards table. “And I was wondering if you can get her a job here. She’s been rejected from every company she applied for. I know she doesn’t want to work a nine-to-five, and I suddenly remembered this place.”

Minnie raises a curious eyebrow, brushing small strands of hair covering her ear. “I see.” Looking past you, she notices Yuqi, now at the karaoke, amused by her voice and energy. You follow along and watch too, wincing at her talent, caught completely by surprise. You can feel the passion and emotion from her rather honeyed, deep singing voice, as well as her natural charisma while performing. 

“Damn. She sounds really good. Borderline natural at it.” Minnie’s in awe of Yuqi’s abilities, the sort of reaction that pushes buttons, steals the show. “Wasn’t she in a band? I know she played guitar.”

“She said it doesn’t exist anymore, won’t tell me what happened.” 

Even in the midst of conversation, Yuqi’s voice manages to snatch away your focus. She’s an extremely powerful singer—a natural, as Minnie said. Her voice is overpowering the background music with little difficulty. There’s little need to watch when her vocals can easily capture your attention all the same. 

Facing you again, Minnie replies, clasping her hands together, “How about she perform by herself?” she suggests. 

You meet her eye to eye at the drop of the notion, curious.

“What do you mean?” You take another sip.

“We have an open mic night next weekend, and we could use talent to liven up the place. She sounds perfect for that kind of gig. Who knows? Maybe she can be a resident singer if the cards are right.” Minnie smiles through every word, recognizing Yuqi’s talent and the untapped potential she has. All she needs is a platform to showcase her skill properly. And taking another glance at her, you see that too. She has the passion and the vocals to croon a live audience.

“I’ll tell her,” you say, turning to Minnie again. Yuqi has finished performing and is on her way over to the bar. Your conversation breaks off as the two women greet each other with an exchange of kisses on the cheek. 

“Great place you got here girl,” Yuqi tells Minnie, beaming from ear to ear. “I’ll be popping by often if you don’t mind.”

“Thanks. I could use some company on the weekdays, if I’m being honest.” Minnie hands Yuqi her own wine-filled glass, as well as a complimentary bottle. She makes sure not to “Take it, it’s on the house.”

“God, this is why I love you so fucking much.” Yuqi drinks up the whole glass in one swig, and immediately pours some from the complimentary bottle. Minnie can’t help but shake her head with a little smile, knowing this is still the same Yuqi she’s acquainted with since college. A rose-tinted view of days gone by. 

The two women spend the rest of the time catching up. With how much they talk, it would be a safe assumption to think that these are two long lost friends who haven’t spoken in years. Then the conversation goes on and on, revealing more details than you should probably know: exchanged  private messages as recent as last night, Yuqi’s intentions to visit the lounge sooner before present circumstances got in the way, and how she ended up in your apartment. As a listener and side character in her story, it’s a part you quite frankly never wanted, let alone be involved in under any capacity. You make sure to add your point of view in the narrative and clear every question. Whenever you chime in, they laugh heartily. It’s a mess, and they’re unapologetically quirky, never failing to make fun of you at times.

Despite everything, the topic is never brought up: the upcoming open mic night, her performance, her natural talent. You were planning to shoehorn the idea, but one too many drinks later, the conversation and opportunity eventually slips away. Again. 

Yuqi can hardly stand on her own two feet when she finally decides it's time to leave. It’s two in the morning when you guide her back to your car, with her drunk out of her mind and slipping into unconsciousness. Minnie assists you, making it even more embarrassing. Even when she’s so inebriated that she can barely move a muscle, she says she wants another round, slipping back into her old ways.

You escort Yuqi back to your apartment, setting her down on her bed and promising yourself that you’ll tell her about Minnie’s offer when she’s sober in the morning. 

Except it’s the one fucking day in the month where your job calls you into an actual office for a meeting. Despite that, Yuqi is not at her usual spot in the living room the next morning (unsurprisingly), so you leave food on the table for when she eventually wakes up.

—————

Returning late in the afternoon, you find a note from Yuqi on the outside door of your apartment, stamped by strawberry lipstick, simply reading:

> Not gonna be around till tomorrow. Have something urgent to attend to - XOXO, song yuqi

Sure enough, one brief tour of the apartment and Yuqi is nowhere to be seen. Her room remains untouched: the same, colorful space it’s always been, with most of her clothes and belongings still strewn everywhere on the floor. You don’t even mind the stickers and posters plastered all over the walls; she was gonna break that rule regardless. Typical, but expected. At least you know she hasn’t completely left yet.

Deep down, it’s the first time in a while that your apartment feels a lot smaller—and lonelier. It’s not that you have any sentimental attachment to Yuqi—not in the slightest—but her presence clearly livens up the place. The difference without her around is night and day. Even when your interactions are limited to a minimum, the brief moments you interact make living by yourself a bit more tolerable. 

So you preoccupy your mind with your usual schedule: a walk in the park, then dinner by yourself. But these intrusive thoughts grow worse and worse. You’re not in your pajamas at the usual hour, her absence is keeping you up at night, and waiting for her to walk through that door is about as brutal as federal punishment.

You end up driving to Minnie’s bar, inquiring about Yuqi’s whereabouts. She says she hasn’t been around, and she hasn’t exchanged messages with her since last night. Then she asks about open mic night; you tell her about the inconvenience, about the note on your door, which is why you’re there. Good effort, but she ultimately gives you nothing.

“You should stay here a while, who knows? I can message Yuqi you’ve been looking for her,” says Minnie, her smile as welcoming as it’s ever been. “Why not have a drink in the meantime?”

“Hmm.” You entertain the thought, but she promised to return tomorrow, and perhaps you’re overthinking it; you just have to let it play out. “No thanks.” As a distraction you’re watching another girl at the karaoke machine. She has distinctively pink hair, has similar energy and passion for singing, except her voice is much higher, more nasally. All she does is remind you of Yuqi, but she’s nowhere close—in appearance and in ability. “She promised to be back tomorrow. Maybe I should take her word for it and go home.”

A pour of wine on the glass is followed by her siren-like whisper. With her hand caressing your shoulder, she mutters, “So—you like her. You like Song Yuqi.”

You raise an eyebrow, taken aback by her statement. Facing Minnie, you reply, “What? No way. I don’t like Yuqi at all. I’m just concerned she might have disappeared, that’s all.”

“Cap.” Minnie smirks, murmurs to your other ear. “You like her. Actually, you love her. You just won’t admit it.”

“And what makes you say that?” 

“The fact you look so distressed wondering where she is. I mean—just look at you.” Her voice is slow, delicate, each word delivered with profound emphasis. She flickers a lighter, then directs the cigarette in her mouth for a puff. “Would someone who doesn’t like her worry like this?”

“I mean—I’m just trying to help her get back on her feet,” you tell her, and Minnie can only chuckle in response. Puff more smoke. In her eyes, you’re not doing yourself any favors. Your words have no weight to them. It’s the same old same old most women like her hear dozens of times. I’m not into her, says the guy who’s showing an alarming level of concern towards said girl. Something she’s all too familiar with. “You know? Just looking out for a friend, that kinda thing.”

Minnie wishes she can hold up a mirror against you now to prove her point. In a place meant for everyone to relax and ease themselves, you look tumid, on the verge of a historical crash out. She smirks into her next smoke, shaking her head, scrolling through her phone. “Sure. I believe you,” she remarks, and there’s no effort made to hide the sarcasm in any capacity.

That piece of cigar looks quite appealing right now. She sells smoking like she sells the off shoulder dress draping her defined figure: exceptionally well, like she’s meant for it.

Later in the night—you’re unsure whether it’s still today or tomorrow—Minnie suddenly approaches you with a shift in enthusiasm, as seen through her grin: “You should probably head home. Unless you want to stay the night waiting for someone who won’t be here in the morning.”

“She’s back already?” You manage to decipher the hint right away.

She nods, can’t help herself from beaming continuously. No effort to lie or maintain the mystery further. “I guess you’re not as stupid as I thought you’d be.”

Running up the stairs in a hurry, you respond to her little jab with a shout, “And you owe me one for that. Actually—no, I owe you one!” 

Unknowingly, Yuqi’s little mannerisms are starting to reflect in you, too.

Sure enough, you’re home within a matter of minutes. Empty streets, dead nightlife on a weekday, the loudest thing heard for miles is the roar of your car’s engine and the elevator headed up to your apartment floor. Any other time you’d burst through that door like an officer with an arrest warrant, but it’s almost three in the morning, and the last thing you want to be is apprehended yourself after a noise complaint. 

The place remains as unchanged as you had left it: completely dark, save for one light over the kitchen. It’s quiet, eerily silent—until you hear airy, soft noises in the distance. Room by room, you carefully inspect where the sound is coming from, only to find nothing at all. 

There’s only one place left to check, and it happens to be the Yuqi’s bedroom. A room you remember being empty. As you approach the sole unopened door, you notice the faint sound growing in pitch. Hushed words from a familiar tone.

“Fuck—oh fuck—”

You press an ear against the door frame. She sounds clearer.  Way more explicit. Vivid.

“So—so—good—fuck yes—”

There’s a subtle creaking sound that accompanies her singsong tone almost perfectly. Nothing is left open for interpretation; Yuqi is feeling herself. Feeling a satisfaction that only comes from something slick, something rough, something good. 

As much as you want to respect her space, her moment in the dark, you can’t help yourself. She sounds so good, so gratifying to the ears, it’s making you a little hot and flustered, much to your own guilt and shame. You don’t care about the consequences; you’ll allow yourself one little look then pretend it never happened. At best, she’s too preoccupied with her own bliss to notice, and at worst, it’ll be one awkward conversation starter in the morning.

“Oh, oh God—you feel really good baby—just like that—”

It’s as if she’s reading your mind, understanding your intentions. The way she moans your name like an invitation—something you never thought you would hear or even consider—how it’s naturally delivered from her sweet, intoxicating voice. You’re doing yourself a disservice by listening through the door.

There’s no better opportunity than now.

With your heart racing against your chest, every nerve in your muscles tense up as it desperately opens the door, slowly and as quietly as humanly possible. Miraculously, you go completely unnoticed. Even as light from the living room slowly penetrates through Yuqi’s bedroom, it fails to cover what really matters: the bed and Yuqi herself. 

Nevertheless, the sight that welcomes you is one to behold, one worth looking at with complete awe.

Yuqi’s body is splayed out on the bed. Her legs are spread wide, a couple of her fingers aggressively rubbing against her exposed clit, and there’s a glossy sheen coating the sheets before her soaking wet core. Her clothes are, unsurprisingly, scattered all over the floor, along with a pair of consumed alcohol bottles. She’s completely bare for your eyes to see. Nothing is left to your imagination. More importantly, she looks so fucking hot. Your heart is racing like never before, and the scene has your pants in a twist.

Her other hand runs up and down her lithe frame, then squeezes her own breast. She lets out this sharp mewl, grinding her hips against air. Her jaw slacks wide. Her eyes shut tight. Her back arches. Waves of self-induced pleasure send shockwaves through every fiber of her being, her moans growing more and more erratic.

“Fucking give it to me—I love this cock so fucking much—”

It’s about as pornographic and explicit as it gets. It riles you up in an uncomfortable way; you end up unzipping your pants to free your growing erection, but nothing happens beyond that. It feels wrong. It is wrong, but you can’t muster up the strength to look away, let alone walk away. You want to see how it ends. How she cums.

She wraps a hand around her own throat, while her knees are planted upright with her feet firmly gripped on the sheets. There's a noticeable tone change in her whines, as if simulating the act. Yet, the words flow from her lips seamlessly. “I’m so close—so, so close—”

The cackle she makes after is mortifying. Here’s this girl, who you had zero attraction prior to tonight, shamelessly declaring how she’s going to cum, how good your cock feels inside her—without either of the two even happening to begin with. The fact she likes you is the least shocking revelation in itself. A reminder: you only had three meaningful conversations with her since she moved in—two if you consider how blackout drunk she was the night before, and even if you go all the way back to your college days, you can count them with your fingers alone.

“Fucking—cumming—oh my God—”

Yuqi strains her knees and loosens her grip on the sheets as she lets the pleasure wash over. Clear liquid gushes past her throbbing, relentless fingers and spills onto the linen. A guttural, deep moan fills the bedroom as she slumps her body flat on the mattress, her energy completely depleted, her thoughts filled with nothing but orgasmic bliss. Her coated hands rest on her bare waist, her tummy, leaving viscous sheen on her creamy pale skin.

When she isn’t screaming your name or touching herself to the thought of you, Yuqi, at her barest, looks so gorgeous like this. Flaws and all.

Albeit brief, it’s quite the show to more than satisfy your thirst for her. You remember your uninvited presence in this room and where you stand in this relationship. That she’s only a tenant—an acquaintance at best—and nothing more. Any other person and situation would already send you damning to hell. 

So you quietly leave, gather your bearings, hoping her haze doesn’t clear before she is made aware of your presence, but you hear a faint whisper right as you close the door, clearer than any whine of pleasure:

“Hey.”

Part of you wants to ignore her, pretend this is all a huge misunderstanding and feign ignorance. Then you hear her soft, alluring voice calling your name and it’s what ultimately folds you:

“W-what time is it?”

Again, you consider the choice of entertaining her question or leaving her dry. She’ll probably fall asleep shortly after and forget these few moments. You tell her it’s three in the morning, hoping she dozes off.

She doesn’t.

“Shit. Can you come inside? I mean—come in.”

She’s still thinking about you, and it’s admittedly cute. You love how unabashedly blunt—and lewd—she is when she’s drunk. You give her the benefit of the doubt and reenter the room.

Yuqi realizes the messy state she and her bedroom are in when you turn on the lights. Cheeks puffed and red from embarrassment, she tries to hop off the mattress, only to stumble to the floor on her fours. 

“I’m so, so, sorry. I didn’t think you’d—” 

“Hey hey, it’s fine.” You grab her off the floor and sit her on the bed. “Don’t apologize. I’ll get some water; stay here and rest.”

Your eyes are meeting, hers twinkling. In those few, crucial moments, right when you’re about to leave, you feel an irresistible tug pulling you closer to each other.

Suddenly, Yuqi pulls you in by the shirt for a deep, passionate kiss. Her lips taste like actual whisky and vodka, indicating what she drank earlier that night. Yet they feel so lush, so sweet, filled with so much passion. You don’t bother trying; you fold to your lust, submit to her desire. You sink onto the bed together, never breaking apart, even for a second. Next thing you know, her hands are all over your body, roaming your chest, coiled around your neck, removing the shirt over your head to be tossed aside and completely forgotten.

Yet there’s still some resistance. Despite making the first move, she pulls back, and you do so in return. You’re hovering on top of her—an unexpected but welcome position to be in. 

“I didn’t know what got me there. I’m sorry. I just felt this sudden need to kiss you and—”

You shut her up by diving in and kissing her again, pinning Yuqi down to the mattress—the very thing that got you into this position to begin with. With you all over her, she’s able to shed the rest of your clothes: first the slacks, followed by your boxers. She mewls at the sensation of your hard cock pressed against her slit, and it’s beyond what her imagination can describe. It’s electrifying. And God, you know you’re no better than her, but you just want to fuck her right then and there, give her everything she wants without a second thought. 

Grabbing you by the scalp, she rips your lips off her chin as you’re making your way down her neck. “Not yet. Nuh uh.” She pulls you into yet another kiss, as if you’re oxygen—and in a way, it’s appropriate: you’re breathing new life into her. “Did I ever tell you that you were a good kisser?”

“Not at all,” you tell her, gently shaking your head. “You’re not half bad yourself.”

“Half bad?” Yuqi raises a sharp eyebrow, seemingly offended by your backhanded compliment. A dangerous smirk forms on her lips. “Says the one who was watching me the entire time—”

“You knew?” There’s a heightened sense of panic in your voice. “I thought  you were—”

“Shhh.” She kisses you, pulls you into a warm cuddle atop her. Slender legs wrapped around your hips, she follows: “Less talk, more lovemaking.”

And more lovemaking you do. You grow more easily acquainted with her lips than with her personality, and you barely know them: it’s only been a few minutes. Even though it’s a Thursday, the weekend feels like a lifetime away. You should be up five hours from now; you have the alarm preset and everything. But Yuqi’s getting in your way again, as she always has, and this won’t certainly be the last. She’s so hypnotic, so alluring, you find yourself unable to slip away, no matter how hard you try.

You find that it’s easier to give in than to struggle aimlessly. 

It’s effortless to get your fingers pressed inside her sopping core, brushing along sensitive, wet ridges of skin, where thoughts of you manifested into thin, delicate strokes. Her moans ring against your ears in varying pitches, each with a distinct, pulsing plea of satisfaction. Keep going, she tells you, and you follow without complaint. All this while you leave a soft path of bite marks down her neck and collarbones, until you reach her petite chest.

And fuck, you just go down on Yuqi. Sucking on her breasts like you’re in the middle of an oasis in the desert. She goes wild. Tossing, turning, trembling. You can feel her body close on you, wanting to take you in and suffocate you. The bed is creaking, growing strikingly more intense, turbulent. All this spurring you on, making you more reckless, more daring with her. 

“Mmmmm—fuck!” She lets out a hum of desperation, her hot, shaky breath fogging on your skin. You become an intertwined labyrinth of limbs that fit together, where you have no idea where it begins and where it ends. Your fingers vanish between her legs, still working tirelessly, perfectly snug around her pussy even when crushed between the weight of her thighs.

Eventually, you find yourself staring aimlessly at Yuqi. She’s so beautiful, and you’re punching yourself mentally, wondering why it took so long to come to this conclusion. Even when she’s not rocking the trendy hair color of the week and her face is a canvas for every conceivable makeup and filter, she’s naturally pretty. Especially now, completely bare—and with nothing but an exasperated, satisfied look of inebriated, lust filled bliss.

You find the light peeking from the living room, casting a shadow between your tangled legs. She’s dripping at her core, showering your fingers with a fresh flow of sheen, messing up the sheets even further if that’s even possible. They’re beyond saving at this point, and so are you. 

Rolling to her side, Yuqi wraps her arm around you, as if enticing you to stay. You shouldn’t have done this, but it’s too late: there’s no going back. You’re too lazy to close the door, and you have the girl you previously never gave a second look rubbing lazy circles on your stomach with her coated nails. Her hair draped all over your arm and shoulder, her eyes looking up at yours, acting all soft and innocent—

Until she starts talking again. “It wouldn’t be complete unless you cum inside me, wouldn’t it?”

The difference between her body language and her lips is night and day. Right then and there, you immediately recognize that there’s no other way this night will end. How your body moves at her will, how you immediately roll on top of her, as if it’s programmed to follow her every command. You have her legs pressed up and spread wide, her knees bent, lining your aching cock against the wet slit of her cunt. All while her features twist into a sickening, slimy grin in the slim shape of a lip bite. The fire, the desire—it’s still as bright as ever. 

And to make sure you aren’t second guessing the idea, her arms are coiled around your neck, her hands grabbing at your hair, pressing on your nape. Yuqi wants you—needs you—to fuck her silly; it’s the only way she can be satiated.

You watch Yuqi’s expression contort from anxious to messy, and the feeling is mutual. You slip in, slow and delicate, going against her instruction, and you almost lose it at the first stroke. The deep, guttural moan you make echoes throughout the entire apartment, while her firm walls pulse against your cock. It’s hot, it’s tense, it’s suffocating. 

“Shit, shit, shit—” you mutter, gently trying to pull back, but the fiery sensation burns, scratches away at your psyche, at your loins. “So—fucking—tight—Yuqi—fuck.”

“C’mon. Fuck me. Fuck me now.” She kisses your ear, her legs pounding against your hips, demanding you to move. There’s some serious intent behind her tone, a seamless blend of demand and impatience. “Use that big cock—mmm!”

You can only groan in response as you thrust back in deep, her grip on your body tighter than ever. And it’s more than just her cunt; she’s clinging onto you for dear life.

It hardly matters when you’re leaving sore, red marks on her skin or ripping through the blankets. It hardly matters when Yuqi can barely breathe. It hardly matters when you’re so loud that everyone can hear you. What’s important is you’re fucking her—and you’re fucking her hard. You both love the filthiness to it. There’s no rhythm, no pace, no flow; it’s one slow deep thrust, followed by a fast pump into her tight, inviting cunt. You become comfortable; you take her like she’s meant to be used.

And Yuqi takes your cock so fucking well. Bounces against every stroke with ease, as if the feeling is second nature to her. Knowing her, she’s probably been in this position more than you’d want to know or hear. You don’t really care about that for now. Even after what seems to be an endless cascade of orgasms, she’s still keening, still needy, still soaking wet that it’s alarming. Her back arches, melts deep into the cushion. She still wants more.

“So—fucking—good—more—need—fuck—”

The only noise you need is the mesh of your flesh slapping against hers, bouncing against her sharp cries of pain and pleasure. Reaching into the deepest, most sensitive parts of her pussy with your cock, this violent shudder rocks both you and Yuqi to your core. With each drag, more of her slick coats your shaft, and the easier you get access to her smothering heat. You can’t find the will to stop, not that you ever want to; she feels so warm, so inviting, so sloppy sounding to the ears that it’s driving you just as crazy as her.

It’s also driving you wild why it took you this long to fuck her—use her—like this. If you had known, you would have cared sooner. You’d have some leverage when it came to negotiations. A body like hers is too good not to have on speed dial.

Right now, it’s the least of your concerns. Not when you’re pounding a tight body like Yuqi’s so freely, hearing her demand to fuck her harder, like your life’s depending on it. Better late than never.

And it’s for the best that the moment happens later rather than sooner. She cums. Cums again. Eventually you’ve stopped counting, because there’s no point. The mere thought of you restarts the cycle, and your touch accelerates the process. The clutch of her cunt is too overwhelming to avoid at this point; it’s all but directly telling you to fill her, to unload all that pent up tension and need into her. The thought never bubbled up in your head even once; the idea of you and Yuqi with a child together. You never really questioned it. She goes out often, probably gets fucked multiple times in one night if she’s with willing company. She probably knew you’d walk in on her; hell, she’s probably got this whole thing planned out and Minnie is one of her accomplices. Maybe the entire time, she’s been yearning for you, because you’ve never heard her this passionate, this loud, this filthy in your life, even at her most inebriated.

“Inside me. Please cum inside me. I’m safe, don’t worry,” she whispers, as if she’s reading through your mind, reassuring you from your doubts. Her hand is palming your back, as if to line you straight so your cock directly hits her sweet spot. She sounds so pretty, it’s almost impossible to resist.

“Gonna cum,” you tell her, voice going hoarse, rasp, and she nods immediately in return, reinforcing the notion. She’s focused her effort on holding on, her legs tightly wrapped around your waist, her arms coiled around your neck, subtly pushing you against her hips. 

“This—pussy—so—fucking—God,” you mindlessly utter, averting her doe eyed gaze, desperate to cling to the last of your resolve as it quickly dissolves with each thrust. You’re on borrowed time and it’s quickly slipping away. Yuqi is tilting your face down to her, to her airy breaths, to her fluttering eyelids, to her passionate expression as you fuck her, pushing you over the edge. “Holy fuck, Yuqi—”

Yuqi’s lips part like a flower in bloom, and it’s a pretty sight. Yet it’s not enough of a distraction to keep everything from falling into place.

And God, it fucking burns. 

You swallow hard, but are unable to keep that groan suppressed. Your hips meet her halfway, your cock comfortably buried deep in her heat, and that’s where you come undone. Yuqi digs deep into your skin as it fills her—your cum—and she goes frozen at that moment. It’s a quiet, tense flash of silence. Afterward, she finally breaks. Cries out this deafening whine, her grip all over you loosening, time eventually catching up to her. 

She lays beneath you, completely limp, but her body remains trembling, shaking, seizing. You don’t find the strength to drag your cock from her heat; the feeling lingers. Endless ropes of cum gushing into her womb, emptying yourself, just as she wanted. Then you pull out, agonizingly slow, and more viscous slick gushes from her core. 

You feel guilty for that poor patch of soaked linen between her legs. It’s about as ruined as a collapsed power plant.

There’s little need for Yuqi to beg you to stay. The climax saps whatever energy you had left. You end up slumping flat on your belly beside her, both of you bathed in the afterglow of sex, exhausted from an already long day, too worn out to make another sound. And when you’re tired, any bed, no matter how messy it may be, is a comfortable bed.

—————

You already expected the scene at the breakfast table to be awkward.

And it was.

It isn’t until Yuqi calls you out standing at the doorway of her room that you realize you’ve been shooting a thousand yard stare the whole time. She waves at you, her cheeks red, flustered, chuckling. “Good morning to you, I guess. Put something on. I don’t wanna drink coffee while looking at someone’s dick. It’s gross.”

This time you’re the one unbecoming, completely in the nude while she got herself into some pajamas. Despite that, you hardly feel any guilt or shame, like this is a normal occurrence in the household. So you scramble to your room and get appropriately dressed. A look at the time and it’s already 15 past ten in the morning, an hour later than when you normally start work. Even more unusual is the absence of the laptop. It’s just Yuqi and her coffee.

Sitting opposite Yuqi, today seems a bit more tense than normal, and you can guess the reason why. She knows it, too. Neither of you are willing to break the ice, only shooting occasional glares at each other while sipping on coffee and scrolling through your phones.

“So, Yuqi.”

The words slip from your mouth, accidental, nearly silent. They follow the mild screech of the chair she sits on. When you meet eye to eye, she asks what’s up. What's on your mind? There’s a sudden barrier in your throat. You have a vague idea of what to say, but not the power to speak them. 

“About last night—”

Her lack of response is unnerving. The visible curiosity, the probable apathy. You and her possibly sharing the same sentiment: a feeling of regret. 

“I—I just wanted to say sorry. For last night. I should have just—”

“Sorry for what?”

You suddenly stop. This is not the expected reaction; it’s the complete opposite. A moment where you face the consequences of your actions.

Yuqi stands up and walks over to your side, beaming from ear to ear. “What we did last night was—fucking amazing. Don’t feel bad. If anything, I should feel bad because I didn’t tip you off sooner. We could have done so much more.”

You don’t pick up on the implication right away. It’s all strange, uncharted territory. Your previous flings were simple one-and-dones: a night of reckless, frivolous fun. Short, but fun nonetheless. They would disappear in the morning, never to be seen again.

“I didn’t think you’d walk through that door, especially since it was three in the morning,” says Yuqi, casual, running her fingers through your hair. “I got a bit too silly, as usual, but there’s a good reason for it.”

“And that is?”

“I got a job!” Yuqi’s gripping to your shoulder, the only thing keeping her from jumping for joy. “I got a job at the cafe with the pretty lady. I start on Monday.”

It’s certainly a cause for celebration. You can’t help but root and smile for her, caressing her hands. “Well, damn. Congratulations.”

“Yeah!” Yuqi’s wrapped you in a rather heartwarming embrace that you willingly fold into. “I had the interview yesterday, so I needed to lock in. Needed to be alone. Then I got accepted after, so I went and bought some drinks to celebrate.”

That doesn’t surprise you one bit. You’re just thrilled that she’s finally getting somewhere.

“So—does that mean I can kick you out once you get your first paycheck?” you ask her.

“I guess so. But—” Yuqi pauses, tilts your chin on an incline. She’s warm, radiant, pretty. She doesn’t care that you’ve worded yourself poorly and you’re taking it back; she’s still riding off the high from yesterday. You’re already counting the days before she leaves, and admittedly, you’ll miss that sight. “I’m gonna miss staying with you. Thanks for having my back when I needed it. I honestly don’t know how I will ever repay you.”

She tops it up with a quick peck on your lips. It’s all over your face, etched completely in red. The devilish grin. 

“I think I know exactly how.”

And that’s all that needed to be said.

Before you know it, you’re right back at square one: clothes scattered everywhere on the floor, her body pressed on the mattress, flat on her belly, your cock stretching her pussy out as you fuck her mindlessly from behind. This time in the comfort of your own bedroom.

All the more reason for you two to stay together.

—————

(A/N: fucksorryforgoingonanotherhiatusfuckfuckfuck—)

(Okay, but I really do wanna apologize for going on yet another unannounced hiatus. Final weeks of the semester were hell, then I was on vacation the week I promised this fic would be released (I'm basically the LeBron James of K-smut when it comes to lying at this point), not to mention a health scare courtesy of my mother. Some very hard times have hit me lately, so my mind wasn't 100%. Nevertheless, I am still standing (shoutout Elton John). Lots of free time throughout June and July, so hopefully nothing bad happens ISTG lemme have some peace for once and let me fucking write goddammit—)

(In non-personal news, Yuqi's solo was very fun and she's getting on that Yena level of bias where she's the perfect blend of cute and hot. Then she went pink recently and that made me :pphurt: Sort of a feel out fic before I *finally* finish these commissions over the coming weeks, thank you for reading!)

[oikarma]

left my message

pairing: lewis hamilton x reader

summary: you’ve heard about the legend but you’re not quite prepared to meet him in real life.

a/n: first part is like a smau companion i guess? but this is the actual interaction which makes the twt posts make more sense!! 

part one / part two

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

two days ago

you still can’t believe it. the paddock pass is smooth under your hands, so smooth it might just slip out and away. you’ve never been so close before, despite having watched many of the races on a grainy screen or far, far up into the grandstands. it didn’t make sense, really. when you were younger, your mother disapproved of flouncing around just to go to a racetrack—she certainly wouldn’t accompany you, with the engines roaring past, when your music on 70% volume was already deafening to her. but now, early decisions had come out, very much in your favor. mother was pleased, and that left you to go wherever you wished over easter.

so you’re here, standing in the ferrari paddock. it’s a gift on both guanyu and your brother’s part, flying you out at last minute’s notice when charles’s surgery was confirmed. an extremely generous gift you’re not sure you can repay anytime soon. it makes you feel a bit guilty, until you see how happy both of them are to see you. with college applications, you haven’t had much time to facetime your brother—he was overseas working—and the same went for guanyu. late family reunion, you decide. 

lando walks pass the ferrari garage and waves at you. it turned out you had rooms on the same floor after bumping into each other in the elevator. it wasn’t the first time you’d met him: you’d been present at a few of his karting competitions when you were younger. you weren’t “friends,” you’d argue, but you’d talked enough to be good acquaintances. he was also a familiar face in the uk. that is, before he moved to monaco. 

you grin at lando and turn back to guanyu, inside the garage. he’s trembling, even though his smile is wide and back is straight. charles has done well this season, and lewis is in the other seat. of course he would be nervous. you still remember how he sobbed when sauber released the news. formula one was the pinnacle of motorsports. being there was an achievement in itself, anyone knew. but when you were constantly outperformed by other drivers in other cars, it was hard to keep track of the fact.

you place a hand on his arm. “hey, you good?”

“yeah, i’m fine.” he reaches out for a one-handed hug. “glad to see you here. just a bit different from last year.”

“hey, come on. this is for everyone here for you. seeing you race is enough.”

zhou massages his temple. “what if it’s not? i don’t want to disappoint them again.”

“you won’t. your practice times are great! and if people think they do, they should try driving themselves.” you squeeze his hand. “where’s my brother? let him talk some sense into you.”

to that, he laughs. “oh, he did. told me that i should be happy i get the opportunity to drive and i think he’s right.”

you wince. sounds a bit harsh, but you know your brother means well.

“yeah, he usually is. probably a bit salty that he’s not a driver, too. but g’luck out there, okay? don’t crash.”

“i’ll try.” 

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

one day ago

once the sprint is over, you can tell a weight has been lifted off his back. fourth is great. fourth is amazing. max leads in first, lewis in second, lando in third, and guanyu in fourth. it’s not a shabby place in a lineup like that. points have been scored for ferrari and everyone is all smiles when they come to congratulate him.

lewis pats him on the back. “good to see you out there, zhou.”

“thanks. nice work today.” his data analyst taps him on the shoulder and guanyu is being led away. he waves goodbye at you.

the brit turns to you and offers a hand. “hamilton, lewis hamilton. i don’t think i’ve seen you around before.”

lewis! hamilton! is shaking your hand! meeting lando is less crazy because you’ve seen mini him stumbling off the track. but this is seven-time world champion, sir lewis hamilton. his braids are sleek and he’s perfectly polished: glowing, even. it should be illegal to stand around in a half-zipped race suit.

you shake his hand, making sure your grip is strong because your father said that’s the way to make an impression. “i’m yn. i’m guanyu’s friend.”

“oh, i see. you watch racing, much? i suppose you do.”

“yeah. he got me into it and i never stopped.”

lewis gives you a coy smile. “tell me, who’s your favorite driver?” he leans against one of the floating tables.

“i hate to break it to you, but it’s max.” 

his eyes widen dramatically. he teases, “oh dear, we’re starting off on the wrong foot already.”

“if it makes you feel any better, i meant current driver.”

“okay, okay. no restrictions. favorite driver of all time?”

“kimi.” 

he raises a thoughtful eyebrow. “you seem to have a type.”

“so who’s yours?” and you want to hit yourself right there because you just asked lewis hamilton who his favorite driver is. stupid, stupid, stupid. it’s probably senna. he’s too polite to say himself and you think you’ve heard that somewhere before.

“senna.”

bingo! quite the genius, you are. it’s hard to think around him, so that’s practically twice the achievement.

lewis sees your smile and asks, “why, do i have something on my face?”

“oh, no. i was thinking.”

“...about? nevermind, i won’t pry. tell me, yn, what else do you like to do?”

how conversational. if he does this one more time you might be convinced you’re friends. he’s probably just bored. 

“sorry, excuse me?” you see a couple of fans outside the garage. the pit lane tour guide is surprised to see lewis still there. “could we get a few photos, please?”

lewis turns to you, surprisingly apologetic. “see you around?”

“alright.”

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

(a/n: 1st of the convo is post-meeting lewis & 2nd part is post-gp)

[6okuto-moved]

Hi dear I have and idea for touch starved ais and vere.

WHAT IF- what if the reader (MC) is like a single parent?????

Mc's like a mild or dilf or something like that?!

AIS AND VERE WITH A SINGLE PARENT

gn!mc | meow. this (doing old reqs) is my parting gift(?)..

VERE

his ear flicks up when mc mentions their kid for the first time. where are they? why are you here? who's the other parent?

not a guy who spends time around kids. probably not a guy who should spend time around kids /hj what swear words and scary stories will he share...

^ tbf he also gives some solid life advice, even if it's a bit blunt, or something the kid doesn't understand just yet

if mc's kid is witty / snarky he finds them amusing (especially if it's at mc) and easier to be around! whether that's good for mc or not is not up to mc Lmao

it varies depending on mc's relationship with their kid but if mc's kid is grown up, vere is more of his usual self. swearing, analyzing them, taunting them, etc.

vere never thought of himself as a possible father-figure. or even like, a fun uncle. but he likes mc, and despite his complaints or denial, has grown a little fond of their child.

^ possible angst if vere's like, do you really want to be with me? am i the role model you want them to have in their life? i'm chained up for god's sake etc

gets soft/quiet when mc talks to him about their kid. he sees the fondness in their expression, and even if he can't really relate, he can still sympathize

would make a couple pilf...? jokes. sorry. it isn't necessary though. he does enough flirting and innuendos that the pilf(?) thing doesn't come up that often

brings up their kid when mc is about to do something dangerous or stupid, when they succeed at said dangerous or stupid thing, or when their kid also tries doing something dangerous and or stupid. "well it's no surprise who you got your confidence from."

vere questioning mc's parenting tactics LOL. mc is like And what do you know about parenting and vere's like. enough to judge yours. they find common ground eventually

AIS

really doubles down on his warnings about the seaspring when he finds out they're a parent. he doesn't have to know how old, what their relationship is like, etc—he's already asking how much they're willing to risk and telling them to think about their kid

otherwise he doesn't really treat mc differently—they're a grown and capable adult, and being a parent doesn't change or weaken that

ais would pick his pets over hanging out with a kid, but he doesn't give himself enough credit with how well he can get along with one

if mc's kid is old enough that he can play pranks on mc with them. well. he will. mc looks at the both of them and they both shrug like What? it wasn't us? (the kid is grinning and giggling but ais keeps it together for the both of them.)

if there's an opportunity to introduce them to princess / whoever else, he will! like look at this sweet girl, you don't have to be scared. you wanna try getting her to sit and roll around?

babysits if needed, takes them out for the day (if only to keep them away from the seaspring). they get some food and he comes up with exaggerated stories for each shop the kid points out

mc's kid who's old enough for ais to teach them some self defense after they walk in on him taking care of injuries from a bar fight. mc who walks in on them and goes ?!?!?!

mc vents about their parenting troubles, and ais isn't sure if his leadership advice/experience is totally applicable to taking care of a child, but surely some of it is? he tries to help anyway

i can see their kid opening up to ais about things that worry them tbh. he's got that vibe. depending on what it is, ais might suggest to mc something they should do, or try to help himself

similar to vere, he likes mc and their child but he wants them to think about what's best for them—if that includes him in the picture. like yes he'll do his best, but he can't blame them if things don't work out. honestly he might try to cut things off firstdjdjshd

[bringmeanangel]

One Too Many

Pairing: Spencer Reid and Reader Tags/warning: Overwhelmed reader. small Anxiety attack. crying. feeling like a failure. Spencer Reid being the best boyfriend ever. established relationship. Synopsis: Working in theatre, filling out a bunch of applications. Having things under control falls apart when one more potential application pops up. A/N: Based off of my life and basically what happened five minutes ago. If only I had a Spencer to calm me down.

You love how much your boyfriend supports you with your art. You work in theatre and this year you told yourself that you were just going to apply to things, no matter how daunting those forms were.

Some of the forms were a bit of a doozy, but Spencer was always there to make sure that you took a break of ate something.

One festival, you saw that the deadline was that day at 9pm and you had discovered it at 3pm. You looked ay everything and thought nah. Then you decided "screw it" and in two and a half hours you sent in that application.

Sometimes your mom gives of the wrong kind of energy, almost desperation, which is why you don't tell her about these two forms your working. You don't really tell your friends even. It's more because it's a superstitious thing.

Spencer though, you tell him. He always encourages you, even if he's not totally sure how it works, he's just happy to see you happy and excited.

Today however, you had two on going applications, both deadlines were in two weeks and you were working on them little by little. Then, your mom emailed you something.

She called you and told you about this opportunity to work at a festival in your town and that you should apply. You clicked on the link and saw that the deadline was in four days.

You took a sharp breath which caught Spencer's attention. He was reading and you were at the table working.

"Are you alright?" he knew that breath. That was your anxiety.

"Yeah. My mom just sent me something that if I wanted to do it, it's do in four days" you voice was shaky.

"Do you want to do it?" you heard the concern in his voice.

"i'm not sure. I'm going to at least look at it."

You turned your attention back to your computer, Spencer kept an eye on you.

You started reading about the job. It was a festival coordinator and producer.

*Another sharp breath*

You kept reading. If you took it, you would have to be available for the festivals, which would mean that if the two festivals you really wanted to do, you might not be able to do.

Getting into the other festivals that you wanted wasn't a sure thing, but you would have to accept this job before you knew about them.

*Another sharp breath*

Spencer had put his book down when he heard the second sharp breath and watched you. The third sharp breath, he saw you tense and you looked pale.

Spencer stood up and went over to you. He wrapped his arm across your chest, so you could lean agaisnt his arm. His thumb firmly started to rub up and down the side of your neck and you burst into tears.

"Oh, angel" he soothed, his heart breaking for you.

You held onto his arm, eyes shut tight, focusing on his thumb, massaging your neck. Spencer took this to quickly read over everything.

The pay was good, but if this was your response to just looking at the job requirement, and Spencer knew you pretty well, so he knew this wasn't your thing; then he knew you shouldn't even apply.

"I'm going to close it." he murmured in your ear, waiting for you to say okay.

"Bu-but my- the other ones are a sure thing. I hav-have a good feeling, but that's dumb. This-this I" you tried to talk.

Spencer gently shushed you, his other hand coming up to stroke your hair.

"deep breath, love. Come on. In 2-3-4" he said and you did. "hold. and out 2-3-4" he soothed and you did.

He repeated that two more times, now rubbing his hand up and down your back, still having his arm wrapped around you, to keep you feeling safe.

"I told myself that I would apply to everything." you looked disappointed at yourself.

"I know, love, but it's okay to not apply to this one."

"But if I don't- and my sister finds out, she's going to tell me I'm stupid for not trying."

"Do you want to apply to this?" he asked and you shook your head. "That's okay. You're not stupid for not doing it. You're applying to two more things, that they don't know about. You've done so much this month and it's only January."

"I guess." you said letting go of his arm and wiping your tears.

"You should be so proud of yourself. You have two applications that you're really looking forward too. So focus on those." you nodded.

"I'm going to close it and then you don't ever have to think about it."

You nodded and Spencer closed the tab. You wrapped your arms around his waist and he cradled your head with one hand and rubbed your back with the other.

"Come on, angel, lets go lay down for a bit."

You nodded and let him lead you to your shared bedroom.

[bellaireland1981]

Finding Freedom | Part 7

Summary: After your dad pulled not only Bradley’s Naval Academy application but your own as well, the two of you cut him out of your lives. Forced to find your own way to make your dreams come true, it became you and Bradley against the world. Now, engaged and highly successful, despite your father’s interference, you’re both recalled to Top Gun for a high stakes mission. Will this be an opportunity to put the past behind you all and find freedom from the hurt and anger…or will it lead to you losing everyone you’ve ever loved? 

Cast/Pairings: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mitchell! Reader (Female) call sign Siren , Pete “Maverick” Mitchell x Daughter! Reader, All the Daggers! Penny. 

Warnings: angst , fluff, implied smut, kissing/making out.

Word Count: 7826

A/N: Top Gun Maverick is property of Paramount, I do not own the characters, I DO own original/reader characters and the storyline pertaining to the original characters. I do NOT give permission for anyone to copy my work, use my work in AI, translate, print, sell, or post my work to any other platform, including this one. I will find you. Don’t be an asshole. 

Taglist is open! If I missed anyone who asked to be tagged, please fill out this GOOGLE FORM to be added. It’s getting to hard to keep track of asks. 

Requested by @kcloveswrestling Hope you like it!!! 

 Masterlist  Part 6

By the time you arrived at base the next morning, Phoenix was already waiting for you with coffees in hand, smirking as you both dragged yourselves into the classroom, exhausted. 

“Morning, lovebirds.” She laughed, following behind and sitting across the row from you and Bradley with Bob. 

“Thanks for the coffee, Nix.” You smiled tiredly, “You’re a Goddess.” 

“I am! Thank you for noticing.” She replied, “All rested and ready for the day?”

Both of you just looked at her, unimpressed, making her laugh. Bob looked very confused by the exchange. 

“How was dinner with your Godparents, Siri?” He asked.

“It was amazing.” You replied, smiling brightly, “So great to be with family and reconnect. Thank you for asking, Bob.”

“Of course.” He smiled.

“Holy shit,” Jake said walking in, “Did y’all know that Admiral Ron “Slider” Kerner is on base today? Siri and Bob, y’all should get some pointers from him. He’s legendary. Backseater to Admiral Kazansky back in the day.”

“Aww looks like Hangman is giving Fanboy competition for the call sign.” Phoenix snickered. You and Bradley stayed silent, but shot Phoenix a silent plea to not egg Jake on. 

“He’s not wrong though.” Bob said, “To learn from him would be the dream.”

Thankfully the subject was dropped and everyone started filing in. Mav came in, and got started briefing everyone for the day. As he’d said before letting them go the day before, they were grouped up and they’d be flying as if on the mission today out on the course. 

Apart from being a really long and frustrating day, full of getting shot down due to not making it through the course fast enough, or shot down because you just weren’t cohesive as a team, it was at least a less uneventful day than the previous one on the course. Nobody went into g-lock and nobody had to punch out. 

Tensions were high though when everyone was back on the ground and in the classroom debriefing. 

“Why did you die?” Mav asked you about the second run. This one you’d succeeded in the mission itself but were shot down on the way out.

“We were intercepted on the way out.” You replied tightly, before adding “After successfully completing the mission.” 

“The point is to execute the mission and return home.” Mav replied, his jaw clenching. He had to swallow the bile that had risen at the thought of you actually being shot down before he could continue, on, “Why did you die in the first run?” He’s turned to Phoenix and Bob.

“Because our mission leader left us hanging to dry and we couldn’t fight our way out.” Phoenix said, glaring at Jake, “We got blasted before we could even get to the target.”

“So lack of teamwork and communication.” Mav said. “In this mission you have to fly like everyone’s life is on the line… because it is. You’re flying like you don’t think this mission is possible. Until you believe it is, until you set aside your own egos and start working as a team, you’re going to keep failing. Dismissed.”

The next few days were the same, but with tensions increasing. It almost came to blows one afternoon when in the debriefing Mav was once again lecturing on the need to fly a certain way. He was pushing Bradley to fly faster. 

“With all due respect, Rooster and Siri are the only ones that have made it through the course successfully and closest to the time.” Bob said, defending him. 

“But would have been intercepted on the way out.” Mav said. 

“Then it’s a dogfight.” Bradley said. 

“Against 5th generation fighters?” Mav fired back. “With superior technology?”

“It’s not the plane, it’s the pilot.” Bradley said, throwing Mav’s words back at him from earlier in their training. 

“Exactly!” He said. 

“More than one way to fly this mission.” Bradley continued. 

“You really don’t get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick … or a man does not come back.” Jake piped up, turning to look at Bradley. Something you couldn’t place, shining in his eyes. “No offense intended.”

“And yet somehow, you always manage.” Bob said, leaning to look at Jake.

“I don’t mean to criticize..” Jake said, turning slightly. 

“Lieutenant.” Mav interrupted, in warning. 

“Look, we’re going into combat, Son, on a level no living pilot’s ever seen,” He continued as if not hearing, then turning to Mav, said, “Not even him.” He turned back to Bradley and added, “That’s no time to be thinking about the past.” 

You got a sinking feeling in your gut where this was heading and placed a hand on Bradley’s thigh. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bradley asked, his voice low, as he looked at Jake.

“Rooster.” Mav cautioned, then looked over at Jake. Surely your dad would stop him.

“I can’t be the only one that knows that Maverick flew with his old man, or that..” Jake kept going. 

“That’s enough.” Mav said, 

“Maverick was flying when his old man was..” Jake was cut off as Bradley launched from the chair across the aisle. 

The room erupted into chaos.You, Phoenix, and Bob tried to grab Bradley to keep him from pummeling Jake, while Javy, Fanboy, and Fritz pulled Jake back. Everyone else got in between to act as a buffer. 

“You sonofabitch!” Bradley yelled, angry. 

“Enough!” Mav called out over everyone. 

“I’m cool, I’m cool.” Jake said, shaking off everyone holding him. “He’s not cut out of this mission.”

“That’s enough!” Mav said again. 

 “You know it.” Jake said, walking to the aisle, to leave, “You know I’m right.” 

Jake pushed past everyone, making sure to get in Bradley’s face on his way by. You moved, putting your hand on Bradley’s chest again to keep him from pummeling Jake. 

“You’re all dismissed.” Mav said, breathing hard. You knew Jake bringing up the accident that had killed Goose would take a toll on your dad, but at the moment your main concern was your husband. 

“Come on, Baby.” You said gently, “Let’s go… let’s go home.” 

He let you lead you blindly from the room, and out into the fresh air. You could tell he was very close to losing his composure and you wanted to get him as far away from everyone as possible before he did so. 

“Siri!” Phoenix called from behind you. 

“I need to get him out of here.” You told her, when you paused to turn around.

“I know.” She said, handing you both Bradley’s and your bags, “Just wanted to give you your stuff. Call me if you need anything. And bonus points if it involves kicking Bagman’s ass.”

“Will do. Thank you NIx.” You replied, smiling. 

When you got Bradley to the Bronco, you automatically guided him to the passenger side. He was in no shape to drive and honestly, he was still pretty out of it. 

“I know you can’t focus on a lot right now, B.” You said, as you started the Bronco, “But I need you to hear me. I love you so damn much. You are my everything. Jake was fucking wrong.” 

Bradley reached over for your hand, holding on like you were his anchor. You squeezed his hand back, silently communicating you weren’t going anywhere. 

“Go take a shower, Handsome.” You said, once you got to the apartment, “I’ll order food and then we can snuggle on the couch tonight and block out the world.”  You framed his face with your hands, bringing his face down and kissing him gently. You were about to pull back so he could go shower, but his arms came around you, holding you tightly to him. 

“Just need to hold you.” He mumbled against your lips, kissing you again slowly. You slid your hands from his face, moving your arms around his neck. The kiss didn’t turn passionate, it was purely comfort seeking, intimate, a declaration of love. It was finding shelter from the storm…finding the normal when everything else is in upheaval. You were each other’s rock. In that moment, Bradley needed you to be his. So you held on to him and poured as much love and warmth into him as you could, trying to fill all the cracks currently threatening to break him. 

You’re not sure how long you ended up standing there holding each other and kissing, but eventually you felt him take the first deep breath since the altercation with Jake. A tiny bit of the tension released from his shoulders 

“Ready to take a hot shower while I order us food?” You asked him, “Then we can snuggle on the couch or bed while we eat and watch TV. We’ll block out the world.” 

“Yeah.” He whispered. “I love you, Baby.”

“I love you too.” You replied, offering a soft smile. 

While he was in the shower, you ordered pizza from the only place on base that would deliver, and then decided to send a text to Uncle Slider. You didn’t want to bother Aunt Sarah or Uncle Ice but you were pretty sure Uncle Sli would know what to do.

You: S.O.S  really shitty day, Uncle Sli. Bradley is in really bad shape. Hangman was a dick… brought up Goose and the accident… said Bradley wasn’t cut out for the mission. 

You didn’t even have to wait long for a response. He must have been on his phone already or at least near it.

Uncle Sli: I heard, Honeybee. Wanted to go punch the little shit. Sarah and Tom are asking if you and Little Goose want to come over?

You: I didn’t want to bother them… I just ordered a pizza and B is in the shower. 

Your phone rang shortly after you sent the text. Your uncle decided he’d had enough texting apparently. 

“Hi Uncle Sli.” You said, answering the phone. 

“Don’t ‘Hi, Uncle Sli me, young lady.” He replied, “As soon as Little Goose is out of the shower and that pizza is delivered, put it in the fridge and get your butts over here. No arguments…. Not wanting to bother… you’re lucky it was a bad day, Honeybee.”

“Yes, Sir.” You giggled at your uncle. “Sorry, Uncle Sli.”

“See you soon, Honeybee.” He chuckled, “Aunt Sarah has food waiting for you both. Love you.”

“Love you too.” You replied. 

Bradley came out of the bedroom with his hair damp, making his curls more defined. He was wearing a pair of sweats and a UVA t-shirt. He looked a little calmer than when he’d gone in. 

“Who was on the phone?” He asked, wrapping his arms around you. 

“Uncle Sli.” You replied, turning in his embrace and sliding your arms around his neck. “We’ve been ordered to pop the pizza in the fridge and get our butts over there…. They heard about today.”

“Aunt Sarah and Uncle Ice have enough on their plates and have already done so much since we got here.” Bradley sighed, “They deserve time with just the kids…not having to deal with me.”

“First of all, I don’t think they see it as ‘dealing with you.’” You corrected, “They love you. Second, I had intended for just Uncle Sli to come hang out… then he said Aunt Sarah and Uncle Tom asked if we were coming. I told him we didn’t want to bother them… that’s when he called. I got an earful for that one.”

“Kinda feels like we’re kids again.” Bradley scoffed. “I guess we’re heading over there. Go grab a shower. I’ll take care of the pizza when it’s delivered.”

You kissed your husband before heading off to the bedroom to get out of your uniform and hit the shower. 

Twenty minutes later you were headed towards your aunt and uncle’s yet again. You meant it when you’d told Uncle Sli you didn’t want to bother them. It really did feel like since you’d been back and reconciled you’d been monopolizing them. You knew Uncle Tom’s time was short and you wanted his kids to have as much of his undivided attention as possible. At the same time, it really did feel good to have someone to go to when life got hard. 

When you pulled up, it was as if Aunt Sarah had been watching for you, because she was out the door and on the porch waiting to usher you both inside, but not before pulling Bradley into a fiercely tight hug. When she let him go to lead the way inside you saw tears in his eyes. 

Once inside, Uncle Sli was there to intercept, hugging both of you, then giving you a stern look. 

“Don’t let me ever hear you say you don’t want to be a bother again, understand?” He said, in the same no-nonsense voice he used to use on the two of you growing up when he was tag-teaming with your dad and Uncle Tom. 

“Sorry Uncle Sli.” You replied. “In our defense, it just feels like since we’ve been back we’ve kinda monopolized time that should be going to the y’all and the kids as a family and we really didn’t want to be a burden…”

“You two are family and we are all always here for you if you need us. Bradley… especially in regards to what went down today… and the wounds that opened… “ Aunt Sarah chimed in, “I know you need Tom and Ron to get you out of your head, Sweetheart. Tom’s in the office.. You two go on up, while I talk with my Godchild.” 

Bradley turned to you and looked to make sure you were ok. You gave him a soft smile and kissed him, “Go. Aunt Sarah’s right. The best thing for you right now is to be with the Uncles.” 

Uncle Slider led  Bradley up to Uncle Tom’s office and Aunt Sarah led you to the kitchen. 

“I’ll get you something to eat.” She said, “Then when Bradley gets down, I’ll send you up to your Uncle while I feed him.” 

“I really do feel like this is becoming a habit for us.” You said, “I promise we’re able to function as adults.”

“Sweet Girl, functioning as an adult doesn’t mean you have to go it alone or that you magically stop needing someone to take care of you every once in a while.” She said, “Besides, I have several years of getting to take care of you to make up for.”

“That was our fault, not yours.” You insisted. 

“Neither here nor there.” She smiled, “Now tell me, how much damage did that cocky ass pilot do today with his comments?”

“It was awful, Aunt Sarah.” You sighed, “At first, Bradley was just angry and wanting to pummel Hangman. Honestly, I wish we would have let him get one solid hit in. But then, I think his words really sunk in… and it cut him so deeply, because it was playing on fears and insecurities already there. That dickhead said Bradley wasn’t cut out for the mission… told dad that and then said, ‘you know I’m right.’ in his cocky ass voice.”

“Oh, no.” She sighed, “He already believes Pete doesn’t believe in him or think he’s ‘good enough’... and was already doubting himself. I’m sure Lieutenant Seresin’s words didn’t help at all. Especially paired with bringing up the accident when Pete and Goose went down.”

She handed you a plate of grilled chicken with steamed veggies and some pasta leftover from the wedding. 

“When we left, he was barely holding it together.” You said, “He was just numb and had turned in on himself…completely in his head. Then when we got to the apartment he just needed to be held. I’m scared, Aunt Sarah. To fly this mission and come home in one piece, I need him to be out of his head… he has to be able to trust in himself and his skills and to just fly. He can make it through the course…we’ve done it, just not in the time limits. I need him to fly faster but he plays it safe. Part of me worries it’s me holding him back.”

“You think he’s holding back because you’re in the cockpit with him.” She asks. “Playing it safe to make sure you’re safe?”

“Possibly.” You sighed, “Which is the opposite of what will happen on the mission. Flying too slow puts us at risk of being intercepted by the enemy, which means we fail.”

“What are you thinking, Sweetheart?” She asked, “Because, I know you’re working out solutions in that head of yours.”

“Nothing that I want to do.” You replied, poking at the food. “If I tell him we need to fly faster, I’m siding with Bagman and that feels like a betrayal. I can’t have dad talk to him. If I say nothing and we go in like we are now… he’ll never forgive himself if something happens. Or… I get myself removed as his backseater so he can fly like he’s meant to without worrying about me.” 

“Sweetheart, I know you’re in an impossible place right now.” Sarah said, “You’re going to have to make a choice that you can live with. With that said, I would talk to him. Communication is one of the most important parts of a strong marriage. Tell him what you’re thinking, talk through it together as the team you are.”

“I’ll try talking to him tomorrow.” You said, “Did dad stop by to see Uncle Tom? Or text? He looked rough too. My priority will always be Bradley though.”

“He didn’t, but Tom texted him and told him to be here tomorrow night and that it was an order.” Sarah laughed. “Ron was in his office when Pete got back after everything went down and said your dad looked pretty stricken. That’s how we found out. Pete’s with Penny tonight.”

“I hope she knows what she’s getting into with him.” You sighed, “You’d think after the amount of times as he’s broken her heart she’d just give him the boot.”

“Love makes us do crazy things.” She replied, smiling “In all honesty, I think parts of your dad have changed.”

“Guess only time will tell.” You said, “I just hope Penny and Amelia don’t end up hurt.”

Conversation steered to lighter conversations while you ate, then a short while later, Bradley came down with Uncle Slider. 

“Honeybee, Ice would like some time with his favorite Goddaughter.” He said, winking.

“Is it even worthwhile mentioning anymore that I’m his only Goddaughter?” You laughed. 

“Nope.” Aunt Sarah laughed, “And even if he had more, you’d always be his favorite because you were his original.” 

You just shook your head and got up to head upstairs. You paused, wrapping your arms around Bradley and stealing a kiss, “Feel better?” 

“A little.” He smiled, leaning in to steal another kiss from you, “Work in progress.”

“Aren’t we all?” You smiled, “I love you, Roo.” 

“I love you too, Baby.” He replied. 

You entered your uncle’s office quietly, noticing that he looked more tired and run down than he had in previous days. He looked up, seeing you, he smiled and waved you in. You went over and leaned over to hug him before sitting down. 

“Hi, Uncle Tom.” You said, smiling softly. “How are you feeling today?”

“Hi Lovebug.” He smiled weakly, “I won’t be running any marathons but I’m here.  I’m more worried about how you’re doing. And don’t try to pull one over on me or tell me you’re fine.”

“I think that you and Aunt Sarah secretly communicate telepathically.” You said, leveling him with a blank stare. “I’m scared Uncle Tom. I’m really struggling here and I don’t know what to do. I love Bradley with every fiber of my being and nobody believes in him more than I do. I know he’s an amazingly skilled pilot and I literally trust him with my life. But this mission is like NOTHING we’ve done before… nothing like anyone has done before, not even my Dad. Bradley’s the only one that’s made it through the course successfully…just not fast enough. He flys too safe, Uncle Tom…and normally, he can do that and get the job done. This time, he has to take calculated risks…he has to fly fast, be able to go on instinct but… I think he’s scared… When it comes down to it, I don’t think he’ll be able to fly aggressively if I’m in the cockpit with him. He’s afraid of something happening like Dad and Goose and it would kill him. BUT… he still has all this anger and these feelings like he has to prove to my Dad that he was wrong. I’m scared Jake just made it that much worse today. His words were meant to hurt Bradley. I really want to kick him in the dick…. Sorry… “

Your uncle chuckled at that, which drew a small smile from you. He took a moment and then nodded before turning to type. 

“I have no doubt that growing up hearing stories about his dad and Mav and seeing the aftermath of that accident…what it did to Carole, what it did to Mav… and even how it affected the little boy he was when it happened… had a tremendous impact on Bradley, and has shaped the man he is as well as the pilot he is. I also have no doubts that he takes your safety as his backseater very seriously…probably prioritizes it over his own safety even. He will do anything and everything in his power to make sure that what happened to his dad doesn’t happen to you, Lovebug. You’re not just his best friend or brother figure like Goose was to Mav. You’re that boy’s entire world.”

“So what do I do,  Uncle Tom?” You asked, feeling close to tears, “I’m afraid if I tell him he needs to fly faster and stop playing it so safe…he’s going to feel like I’m siding with Jake… that I don’t believe in him. I can’t lose him… Flying with him…being his backseater has become my comfort too. When I’m in the air with him, I don’t have to worry about him. I don’t know if I could stand on the carrier and watch him launch without me…”

“Slider and I tried to reiterate to him that what happened with his dad was a freak accident that could have happened to any one of us at any time in our careers. He’s feeling a lot of pressure… a lot of it is from himself. Like you said, Lovebug, he’s out to prove  himself, but he won’t do it at the expense of you. He isn’t willing yet to see that Mav… while exasperating from a superior’s standpoint… is the best one to be teaching you all right now and your only shot at succeeding and coming home. He’s hard headed. You have to decide if it’ll be best for the mission and best for everyone’s safety if you request to be reassigned with a new front seater or if this is something you and Bradley can talk through. Personally, my sweet girl… If it were me… I would talk to him, be open and honest and see if there’s a compromise in there. I will tell you though that this is exactly the reason that the Navy tends to shy away from allowing this kind of thing. You have to be ready for them to force you to fly with different aviators once they’re made aware you’re married.” 

“I hate this, Uncle Tom.” You sighed, “It shouldn’t have to be this difficult. If it weren’t for all of the other wonderful things that have happened since coming back to San Diego, I would wish we were still on the carrier in the middle of the ocean… but I wouldn’t trade this time with you for anything in the whole world.”

“I can’t tell you how much this time has meant to me, my little Lovebug. No matter what happens, whether or not you and Bradley fly the mission, I want you to know how incredibly proud of you I am. How proud of you I’ve always been. Never once have I ever stopped loving you and wanting to give you the world. I wish I could be here to see you and Bradley become parents someday. To spoil those babies and tell them all the crazy things their parents got up to as kids. I wish I could be here to see you and Bradley keep advancing in your careers… because I know that you will accomplish whatever it is you set out to do. I just wish for more time. But I know that is something we’re running out of…  no, no… no tears… “  He paused as he saw you wiping tears frantically from your face, “My girl, I’ve made peace with this… I’ve cheated death enough in my life…this time it’s just not meant to be. But I need you to hear me when I say that I love you with everything that I am. I do not want you to hold on to any misplaced feelings of guilt for anything that happened. You stole my heart from the very first moment your dad brought you over in a panic in mismatched clothes and pigtails all askew. I will never leave you, Lovebug. I will always be flying with you.”

“Uncle Tom, I’m not ready.” You sobbed, the tears falling freely, unable to stop them. He stood and pulled you up, wrapping you tightly in his arms, slowly swaying with you like he used to do to comfort you when you were a child. You buried your face against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, taking comfort in the familiar smell of him. “I just got you back. I don’t want to say goodbye again. I know that’s selfish but I can’t help it. I love you so much… you’re supposed to be here when Roo and I have kids so you can be the fun but responsible Papa. We need you here to give us guidance on how to not fuck it all up. I want you to be there for every pinning ceremony and promotion… there when we decide we’ve had enough and tap out…. “

He pulled back enough to give you his ‘knowing look’ and smile softly, one of his hands coming up to smooth the tears away. 

“But you will be with us, won’t you.” You said, doing your best to smile back at him… to be brave. “You’ll be there because you’ll be in our hearts. Because you’re a part of all of us. I am who I am because of you… your love, your support, everything you taught me, the beliefs you instilled in me. You’ll still be with me because I’ll carry you with me. I will cherish all of my memories of you from my entire life… but I think this past week has been some of best, despite everything. Thank you for walking me down the aisle, for giving me away. Thank you for giving me the best wedding I could have ever imagined. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and being a voice of reason when I needed it. Most of all, thank you for being the best Godfather a girl could EVER want. I love you bigger than the universe and not even stupid death will cheat that.” 

Now it was your turn to wipe tears from your Uncle’s cheeks, smiling through your own. He pulled you tightly into another hug, kissing the top of your head. You could tell by the change in his breathing that he was getting tired, so taking a deep breath, you squeezed him tightly one more time before stepping back. 

“You should get some rest.” You told him, “I need to collect B and head home. I’m sure tomorrow is going to be another fun-filled day of Hangman running his mouth… and I’ll be less likely to punch him if I’m not sleep deprived.”

He chuckled, tugging on a piece of your hair that came loose, “Love you.” He rasped, “Sweet Lovebug.”

“I love you too, Uncle Tom.” You replied, “See you soon.”

As you walked down the stairs, you did your best to pull yourself back together. Coming over had been about making sure Bradley was ok after today and trying to help him… somehow now you were an emotional wreck. 

Uncle Slider was waiting at the foot of the stairs when you got there, arms open and ready for you. It was as if he just knew that it was going to be a hard visit. Then again, he probably knew Uncle Tom better than anyone (except maybe Aunt Sarah) and knew that the end was near too. 

“Come here, Honeybee.” He said, softly. You went straight to him, melting into his arms, the tears instantly flowing again. “I know, my sweet sweet girl.” 

Somehow he led you to the sitting room and to the couch, sitting down and pulling you against him, just holding you as you cried it all out. Somewhere in the back of your mind you knew that your Uncle had just said his goodbyes to you. That you had said your goodbye to him. Your heart was now shattered. 

“It’s why we insisted you both come over sweetheart.” He said gently, “He knows he’s running low and it’s almost time to punch out.”

“I’m not ready, Uncle Sli.” You gasped, trying to suck air into your lungs, “He can’t leave me yet… it’s not fair.”

“I know little one.” He replied, his own voice cracking, “None of us are ready… It’s a sign of how much we love him. But because we love him we need to let him go… to stop hurting. He’s exhausted and his body can’t fight anymore.”

“Uncle Sli… that was goodbye wasn’t it.” You whispered, reaching a point where you were cried out and felt broken. 

“Maybe so, Honeybee.” He replied brushing loose strands of hair off your face and turning to kiss the top of your head. “But you got that opportunity. You were able to let him know how much you love him… hear how much he loves you. He was there to see you  marry Little Goose, and walk you down the aisle.”

Bradley came in to check on you having finished his dinner. He wanted to give you time with Uncle Sli but couldn’t stand not making sure you were ok.  Aunt Sarah had gone up to check on Uncle Tom and the kids. 

“Oh shit…Baby…” He said softly, sitting on the couch next to you. He leaned into you, sandwiching you between him and Uncle Sli, and kissed your shoulder. He knew there wasn’t anything he could say that would make anything better. 

You were all just sitting in silence when both Bradley’s and your phone phone pinged with a message at the same time. 

“That can’t be good.” He groaned quietly. He pulled his phone out to look. You didn’t move to look at yours, knowing it would be the same message. “It’s Mav… we’re to report to the beach behind the Hard Deck in  the morning in athletic wear for team building.” 

“What is that crazy SOB up to?” Uncle Slider chuckled, “Whatever it is, good luck.”

“Wonder if he got permission for this little fieldstrip.” You questioned. “Guess we should probably go…”

“You two going to be ok?” Uncle Slider asked, “You both know you can call me anytime day or night and I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”

“We know, Uncle Sli.” Bradley said, “We’ve always known we have you.”

“Love you, Uncle Sli.” You said, “Honestly don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Not gonna have to find out, Honeybee.” He said, “Love you too. You kids go home and rest… regroup. Tomorrow is a new day, ok?”

“Tell Aunt Sarah we love her and thank you …for… well, everything.” You said, “I don’t want to interrupt her and Uncle Tom and the kids.”

“I will. And she knows.” He replied, “I’ll check in with you kids tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Uncle Sli.” You said, hugging him, and dropping a kiss on  his cheek. “Love you.”

“Sweet Dreams, Honeybee.” He replied, hugging you back, “Love you too.”

“Night, Uncle Sli.” Bradley said, stepping over to hug him, “Thank you.”

“Of course, Little Goose.” He said, returning the hug, “Love you, kid. G’night.”

You were headed out to the Bronco when your Dad pulled up on his motorcycle. Bradley looked over at you, squeezing your hand reassuringly. 

“It’s ok, B.” You whispered, squeezing his hand back. “You can get in the Bronco if you want.”

“Not leave you, Baby.” He replied. 

Your dad turned off the bike and got off of it. 

“I was hoping you two had made your way here.” He said quietly, when he was standing in front of you. “If you need anything…”

“We’ll be ok.” You assured him, “It’s good you came though…Uncle Tom is getting tired. I know you don’t like goodbyes but… Uncle Sli was right… at least we get the opportunity for one. Small blessings as they are. We’ll see you in the morning… go visit with Uncle Tom.”

“Bradley about today…” He started, then stopped, trying to find the words. 

“Probably best to leave it for now.” You said, feeling Bradley tense up. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good night.” He replied, nodding. 

“Night.” You replied. Bradley started for the Bronco to the driver’s side. You paused, and turned back to your dad, “You should have told Hangman to shove it, Dad. That he was wrong. Something…”

Not waiting for a response, you got into the Bronco, your hand slipping into Bradley’s as soon as you were buckled. 

“I'm ready for this day to be over.” You sighed, “Let’s go home and forget the world exists for a few hours.”

“You got it, Baby.” He said, squeezing your hand. 

****

 The next morning you and Bradley, dressed in your athletic gear after a leisurely start, headed out the door. You took advantage of the much later start time and stopped to get coffee and breakfast from the cafe on the way to the beach. 

When you got to the parking lot some of the others were already there. You didn’t see Jake’s truck yet though so that was a blessing in disguise. You weren’t ready to deal with him yet.

“Don’t let Hangman get to you today, Roo.” You said, “Whatever insane scheme my father has cooked up… let’s just make the most of the day.”

The insane scheme turned out to be something he called Dogfight Football. 

“Two teams. You will be on offense and defense at the same time.” Mav said, “Like a dogfight. You’re all great pilots… you know that. Now it’s time to learn to work as a team.” 

You were divided up into  two teams and chaos ensued. You had to admit, this was one of your dad’s better ideas. The day ended up being a lot of fun and really what you all needed. It helped everyone to let loose and blow off steam but also actually did what he set out to accomplish and got you all working together. 

You’d actually been pleasantly surprised too that Jake hadn’t been  totally insufferable. He’d actually been almost pleasant to be around. Javy had caught you alone at one point and apologized for Jake and asked if Bradley was ok. You told him he didn’t need to apologize for his friend and that Bradley would be ok. You appreciated Javy, you liked him a lot, but you weren’t sure how he could put up with Jake’s crap all the time and not lose his mind. 

The next day you met with the news that the mission had been moved up and you’d be going in 10 days. Nobody had flown the low-level course successfully in the parameters, but you were moving on to phase 2. 

You went over the exact mission requirements, the parts broken down. Then you were going up in teams similar to what you’d done when you were getting used to flying the terrain and flying low. 

You and Bradley had been out with the first team and were now back listening in on comms as the other team was up. 

“Blue team you’ve been spotted,” Mav said 

“Shit it’s Maverick, what’s he doing here?” Javy asked

“I’m a bandit on course to intercept. Blue team, What are you going to do?” Mav responded. 

“He’s 20 miles left 10 o’clock. 700 knotts closure.” Bob said.

“Your call, what do you wanna do?” Javy asked Phoenix

“Continue. We’re close, stay on target.” She replied. 

“He’s swinging around to the north,!” Bob called out

 “stand by for pop up” Javy said

“Be ready on the lazer Bob.” Phoenix said. 

“Copy I’m on it.” He replied

“Blue team, bandit is still closing” Mav reminded them

“Popping now.” Javy said

“Talk to me Bob, where’s Maverick now?” Javy Asked

“He’s 5 miles out and coming fast” Bob replied 

“Target’s in sight, where’s my lazer Bob?” Javy asked 

“Dead eye! Dead eye! Sorry, I’m no good, I can’t get a lock.” He replied

“We’re out of time, I’m dropping blind.” He called, hitting the button, “Dammit! I missed.”

“That’s tone” Mav said.

“Shit Maverick’s got tone on us, we’re dead.” Phoenix said. 

 “Blue team, that’s mission fail. Level out.” Mav called. 

“Damnit, they were closer.” You said, still listening in. “How are any of us going to make it through the mission if we can’t even make it through the damn course?”

“We’ve still got some time, Siri.” Payback said, “We’ll get it figured out.”

“Coyote! Level out!” Mav yelled over the coms. 

“Shit, not again.” You whispered, “Come on, Coyote… “ You glanced at Jake who had gone pale. Without hesitating you stepped over to him and put your hand on his arm.  “He’s got this…”

Jake looked at you and nodded, his eyes still full of fear. 

You heard the automated voice of Coyote’s jet telling him to pull up and Mav yelling at him before finally, Coyote’s voice came over the comms, allowing everyone to breathe again. 

“I’m ok, I’m good.” He said 

“I told you he had it.” You told Jake. He gave you a small smile, some of the color returned to his face. 

They were heading back to base now but before anyone could go anywhere, you heard “Bird strike!” 

“Fuck.” You looked at Bradley and saw the pure terror in his eyes. 

Phoenix’s left engine had caught on fire… she tried climbing to correct.

“Throttling back. Shutting off fuel to left engine.” She said, doing what she was trained to do but fear present in her voice, “Extinguishing fire.”

“Right engine is out!”

“It’s still spinning!”

“Trying to restart it.”

“Phoenix it’s on fire! Don’t start it!

“Phoenix! Bob! Punch out! Punch out!” Maverick called

“Warning lights everywhere! Hydraulic failure!” 

“I can’t control it!” Phoenix said.

“We’re going down Phoenix! We’re going in! We’re going in!” Bo yelled

“You can’t save it!” Maverick yelled, pleading, “Eject! Eject!”

“Eject! Eject! Eject!” Phoenix yelled. 

You were over standing with Bradley, your arms tightly around one another, hearts racing. Barely breathing as you wait. 

“Come on… please….” you begged the universe.

“We’ve got chutes!” Javy called. “They cleared.”

“Recovery is enroute with paramedics.” Admiral Bates said, stepping into the room, knowing everyone would be listening. “They’re transponders are working so it shouldn’t take long.”

You sagged in relief,  Bradley holding you up. Tears had soaked his flight suit and you hadn’t realized you’d been crying. 

“They’re ok, Baby.” Bradley whispered, soothing you. “They’re ok. Everyone’s ok.”

Forty five minutes later they’d recovered Phoenix and Bob and were taking them to the hospital to get checked out. Javy had been cleared by medical when he landed and had rejoined everyone. Admiral Simpson dismissed everyone for the day and they all started to leave. 

“I’m going to go grab Phoenix’s stuff from her locker.” You told Bradley “She’ll probably want a change of clothes. You Ok?”

“Yeah… just… today was a lot.” He said, reaching for your hand and kissing your palm, “I think I need a minute.”

“Take your time, B.” You replied, leaning down to kiss him. “I’ll come back in here after I grab her stuff, ok?”

“Ok.” He replied. 

You headed to the locker room and grabbed Phoenix stuff from her locker, putting it in her bag and setting it on the bench while you grabbed stuff from your locker. You sat down on the bench, pulling the top part of your flight suit down and tying it around your waist before dropping your head into your hands and taking a deep breath. The events of the afternoon had taken a toll on you. Bradley had the right idea taking a moment to regroup. 

Your phone rang and hearing that it was the ringtone you set for your Uncle Slider you suddenly got a sinking feeling in your gut. 

“Hi Uncle Sli.” You answered, holding your breath and squeezing your eyes closed. 

‘Honeybee, are you on base?” He asked, his voice shaky. 

“Yeah.” You replied, quietly, “Roo and I are waiting on news about Nix and Bob… they had to eject…bird strike.”

“Is Bradley with you now?” He asked, “I’m on base and heading towards the hangars.”

“I’m in the locker room. I’ll meet you out front.” You replied, knowing that whatever he needed you for wasn’t going to be good news. 

After hanging up you grabbed Nix’s bag and yours and headed outside. Please don’t let Uncle Tom be gone… not today… don’t be that cruel. You begged the universe. 

You didn’t have to wait long outside. And as soon as your Uncle came into view the look on his face told you everything you needed to know. The bags you’d been holding hit the ground and you would have joined them but arms grabbed you from behind keeping you upright. A gut wrenching sob left your body, the grief instant.

“Whoa, Siri.” Jake soothed, “It’s me… I’ve got you. You’re ok.”  You’d turned and were clinging to him. He looked up when Slider stepped over, his eyes shocked and panicked, “I’m not sure what happened.”

“He’s gone…” You cried, tears soaking Jake’s flight suit. “I just got him back.”

“Honeybee.” Uncle Slider said gently, fighting back his own tears at seeing you so broken, “Come here, baby girl.”

He gently gathered you into his arms, relieving Jake, who still looked distraught. You couldn’t catch your breath and the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. It felt like the world was coming down around you. 

“He can’t be gone.” You gasped, “Please, Uncle Sli.”

“I’m so sorry, Honeybee.” He said, “He was just too tired to fight anymore.”

“Can I do anything?” Jake asked, worried and feeling very unuseful. “Get anyone?”

“Do you know where Bradley is?” Slider asked him, knowing you were not going to be very coherent. “And where Captain Mitchell is?”

“They’re both in the rec room.” Jake said, “I saw the Captain go in when I walked by and Rooster was in there waiting on news about Phoenix and Bob.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” Slider said, “And thank you for catching her.” 

“Siri… Y/N… if you need anything.” Jake said, “Just… let us know, ok?”

“Thank you, Jake.” You whispered. 

“Come on, Honeybee. We need to go find your dad and Bradley.” Slider said, bending  down to grab the bags you’d dropped

“If one of those is Phoenix’s, Javy and I can take it to her.” Jake offered, “He wants to check on her…”

“Thanks.” You said, pointing to the duffle that was hers. 

Slider led you towards the rec room and the second you opened the doors to the building you could hear Bradley yelling. 

“Why did you pull our papers?” He yelled, “Why did you stand in our way?”

“You weren’t ready.” Your dad replied, his voice staying calm.

“Ready for what?” Bradley countered, you knew he was just trying to pick a fight. “Ready to fly  like you?”

“Ready to forget the book!” Your dad finally snapped back, “Don’t think, just do! You think up there, you’re dead! Trust me!”

“My dad trusted you.” Bradley fired back. “I won’t make the same mistake.” 

Slider rushed in, not wanting it to go further, knowing it was going to be a tough night all around. 

You walked in behind him. 

“Mav.” Slider said, walking over to him. Your dad looked up, saw your red swollen eyes and tear streaked face and then looked to Slider, who nodded. 

“When?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“About an hour ago.” Slider replied. “Sarah and the kids were with him.”

“Shit, Baby…” Bradley gasped, rushing over to you and pulling you into his arms. Your own came around him, holding him just as tightly as he held you. “I love you.. I’m so sorry. I’ve got you.”

“It feels like the whole damn world is coming down around me, B.” You whispered, “I can’t breathe, I can’t figure out which way is up anymore.”

“Breathe with me, Siri.” He replied, putting your hand on his chest and keeping your focus on him, walking through breathing exercises to try to return yours to normal. “That’s my girl. You’re doing so good.”

“Honeybee, you just focus on the sky and that’s where you’ll always find your center.” Slider said, coming over and rubbing your back while Bradley worked to regulate your breathing, “That’s where you’ll find Uncle Ice.”

“I will let Cyclone know you both need tomorrow for bereavement.” Mav said, his voice close to breaking, “Under the circumstances, I don’t see him being a dick about it.”

“Go home and get some sleep.” Uncle Slider said, “Then come to the house tomorrow. Aunt Sarah and the kids will need you.”

“Ok.” Bradley agreed, “Let me get you home, Baby.”

“Love you both.” Uncle Slider said, hugging you. “And Bradley… That Hangman guy… he caught Honeybee and kept her from hitting the deck before we came in here… was comforting her until I could get over to her. He might not be the greatest teammate in the air but he did have your wife’s back on the ground.” 

“Thanks, Uncle Sli.” Bradley said, “I’ll make sure to thank him… and cut him some slack. Love you”

“G'night, Dad.” You said as you passed your dad. “You should go to Penny’s… or Aunt Sarah’s.”

“Night, Sweetheart.” He replied quietly.

“Let’s go home, Roo.” You sighed. 

You walked out of the room and headed out to the parking lot. Neither of you saw Jake or Javy standing outside the rec room by the vending machines, floored by the news. 

***

A/N: I am sorry for any anguish I caused .... I cried twice writing this part.

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[sekhonda]

Mafia 1 chatting again because .. I gotta say something about the perspective of one of my favorite youtubers who played it. He stressed me out BAD y'all .. as usual, spoiler under the cut.

Okay, so. I'm not an expert on the game or just the genuine mafia either. HOWEVER, I watched my favorite youtuber play the first one because I'm not playing it anytime soon. I feel as though the plot went entirely over his head. This isn't meant to attack him AT all because this stuff happens. There's people who didn't understand these games or just complex games in general. It happens with every game. However, the way he went about switching up on the characters was pissing me off badly. He mainly consisted of entirely glazing Don Salieri at a constant while wondering how Tommy could ever betray the family. Asking this question in the beginning whilst they show you nothing but the "good" things so far makes sense, but he really wasn't getting it. Tommy gives you his story because you need to listen to him. You are the cop and you are Tommy. You play as him, but you are entirely unable to change his story. You can't change something that's already happened. You are a listener. You're being asked to carefully listen to his story because he needs someone to know what's happened.

Tommy tells us at the beginning of the game that he is an immigrant to this country. He depicts how America is. Immigration was fully open, but the opportunities were entirely poor for immigrants. Tommy takes time to learn the language and has to live poorly as his father suffers through hard labor that barely pays anything. This is how America is. Tommy cannot put in an application to an Ivy league, get a degree, and be some banker. These positions are not open to him. They are closed to a lot of different types of immigrants. What irks me is if we know the history of America. The slave labor that black people had to go through way before this, you'd know the absolute cruelity of America. The racism, oppression, and unwillingness to help marginalized people. The want for "cheap" labor.

What does he do? Become a taxi driver. It's all he really can do, and it's not going to pay the bills enough. Then he meets Sam and Paulie. The funny thing is, this didn't even start with them. Not really. It started with Don Salieri and Don Morello. It will not end with them. You help Sam and Paulie get away, which later causes Tommy to be attacked. Under pure coincidence, he ends up at Don Salieri's door. He starts to work for the Don, like many do for better money, better living standards. HOWEVER, you see through the closest partners you have - through SAM AND PAULIE that this life takes a toll. You are told by the Don's closest friend, Frank Colletti, that he doesn't care who he has to hurt to get what he wants. To do what he wants. And you legitimately wonder why he's in front of a cop, disheveled after the number of times he's zoned out?? After he has blatantly hesitated at the act of having to kill someone. After all the people he's killed?

That's where you get wrapped in just like him, all the shooting, sitting there feeling powerful. You get distracted because you don't consider the innate trauma of the situation. Even when you have a wife to go home to, do you recall seeing her much? The family is their life. They don't go home to anyone. Not nearly enough as they should. Sam doesn't have a girlfriend or a wife. Paulie actively tells you he has no one at the age of 40 something. They got the nice suits and the money, but their lives are NOT normal. And you can't leave.

Paulie tried, and he was murdered. You had to kill your friend Sam for it. You don't see a pattern in this? In the evidence of other games? This doesn't end. Not after you've gotten involved. The fatal flaw is the want for a better future. A better life in a system that wants you gone. This goes deeper than even the Mafia itself. This is a system that's been set up. Many communities have something similar. Something that ropes you in because you don't have better opportunities. He does this because he has a family he loves. So no, he's not a hero to some. But at least in the end, he could be to his family. They're safe now.

It's someone else's time, Tommy isn't here anymore. It doesn't end with him. It never was supposed to. It's a cycle. It'll keep happening because there are no corrections in place. Not even prison can stop it. Everything stays, no one leaves. No one really can.

Because if you leave, Don Salieri sends his regards.

[hannahssimblr]

It’s a dreary, drizzly evening that calls for streetlights earlier than usual, their light straining weakly through the thick mist off the bay, and as I glance down at Ivy with droplets of rain beading on the halo of frizz around her plaits I consider the fact that she was right, a jacket wouldn’t have been the worst idea. 

The lights are on early at Michelle’s house too, the voile netting over the netting in the living room window not giving anything away inside, just the vague shapes of whatever is on the television.

As always, the door is off the latch, and inside Jen is leaning against the counter by the toaster spinning a butter knife in her fingers. She gives me a wary look when we see each other. “She’s in the living room,” and holds her hand out to Ivy, “Hey Ives, do you wanna hang out with me for a little while? C’mere, oh, who did your hair today? Was it your brother? Yikes, okay let me have a look at this…”

I gingerly push through to the living room, where Michelle is engaged in an intense discussion with both of her parents. She’s slumped on the couch with puffy eyes while they stand with their backs to the fire, glancing at me with alarm as I enter the room wielding a bar of chocolate, which, in hindsight is a bit of a pathetic celebratory or consolation prize. 

“Hi.”

“Oh good, Jude,” Rahim beckons me over to the couch to sit with Michelle, and I take her hand, “can you tell her that this is not the end of the world?” He’s saying, voice tinged with impatience, “There are plenty of other opportunities.”

“Zero, huh?” I say gently, and she shakes her head, arm trembling as she passes the letters to me. One, two, three rejections. I read one of them briefly, from Paris. 

“‘...unimaginative and containing cliches…’ wow, that feels a bit harsh, doesn’t it? I don’t think they needed to be all like that about it.”

She breaks down in tears, “I’m a terrible artist.”

“No, you aren’t,” I skim through the one from Berlin, “Look, they’ve said here that this year’s application was their strongest in history. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“I just feel so stupid.”

“What? No, you’re the furthest thing from stupid.”

“Michelle, there are other options,” Rahim practically pleads, “Why don’t you go back to the application portal before it is too late and put down something more reasonable?”

Debra agrees, “This is what we’ve been saying, Michelle, maybe art is wrong for you. See? You shouldn’t have changed your mind in the first place. There’s a good reason you decided against it-”

“Yeah well I want to do it now, don’t I?” Michelle snarls, swatting tears away from her cheeks, “Jude and I are doing this together, it’s already decided.”

Her mother eyes me warily before deciding that I should probably hear this too, “Love, you know it’s not always a good idea to make big life decisions based on your boyfriend. Nothing lasts forever.”

“How could you say that?”

“What happened to veterinary science, hm? Wouldn’t that be a good career?”

“I wanted to be a vet when I was like, seven, what are you on about?” 

“Or she could be a doctor, like me!” Rahim attempts, but this is only met with a fresh barrage of sobs. I rub my girlfriend’s back uselessly while the chocolate softens inside its wrapper against the heat of my leg. 

Debra is looking at me empathetically as I comfort her daughter, as though she and I have some connection now, like a baton has passed through some small exclusive club for people who have held Michelle while she cries. “How did you get on with your applications?” 

“Oh, um, yeah, I got in,” I feel guilty even saying it but Michelle doesn’t really react to the news, as though she already made an assumption, but I jump in to finish quickly before she can make another. “I won’t be accepting any of them, though, I mean, obviously. I was only ever going to move away if Michelle was coming too, and, you know, unless London works out then that won’t happen.”

Michelle kneads her eye with the heel of her hand, “Did you not get the email?”

“What email?”

“From the London school.”

“Uh, no, I just saw the letters.”

Her eyes widen, “So you didn’t see the NCAD email either?”

“Since when were there emails?” 

“Oh my God,” she’s on her feet then, all of her misery forgotten in favour of urgency. “Go and look right now, what the hell?”

“Love,” Debra attempts soothingly, “it’s probably better if Jude checks his emails on his own, isn’t it? The last thing we want is for this to set you off-”

We’re already running for the stairs, her behind me prodding my back the whole way up in a way that feels like she’s forcing me to walk the plank to my untimely death in a tank of piranhas. We burst into her room and she runs to navigate to gmail while I sweat despite the temperature of her room, which is always kind of cold. 

I log in and the page loads up to two new emails sitting brazenly in my inbox.  

“There they are, click them!”

“Michelle I just want to say that-”

“Oh, come on,” she seizes the mouse and clicks for me, first the one from London, and her voice is flat, “They accepted you. No surprises.”

“It doesn’t matter though, does it? If they didn’t accept you too then I’m not going.”

“Mm.” She immediately clicks the next one, from NCAD, “It’s just points,” she mutters in explanation, “So it all depends on our leaving cert,” scrolling, she reaches the bottom of the email where my points sit, undeniable in a bold black font against stark white. 

I feel her stiffen. “One thousand?” 

“Uh, wow, is that good?”

There is a long pause. “Jude, that’s literally maximum points.”

I can’t bring myself to look at her right away, but I feel her eyes on the side of my face, searing holes through my skin. 

“I thought your interview went badly.”

“Yeah me too!”

“Well then-” she breaks off to make some noise that’s somewhere between a scoff and a sob, “then how did you get such ludicrously high points?”

“Like what I said, I suppose. They were arseholes to everyone on purpose,” I spin around to her, “What did you get?”

“Four fifty.”

So I grab hold of her hands and hold her very tightly and very still, I want to seem sure, “No matter what happens, we’ll be okay,” I promise, “Even if none of this works out for you, I’ll still be right here, do you hear me?”

She nods. 

“I’m not going anywhere without you. God, I mean, why would I even do that? You’ll get NCAD off the back of your leaving cert points, I’m one hundred percent sure. And... even if you don't, I'll stay in Dublin.” As soon as I say it I start feeling nauseated, and dizzy, a bit heady like I’ve inhaled some miscellaneous gas from the science lab, but I fight through it, “fuck all of those stupid plans for going abroad, right? I’m here.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m serious.”

“I know.”

“Okay, c’mere,” I pull her into me and hold her tightly, taking in the smell of her hair, the way her narrow shoulders, her birdlike frame softens in my arms and accept that this is the comfort I will rely on from now on. True, it’s not always easy with Michelle, but we really do love each other. Sometimes love is work, but love is rare and worth holding onto with both hands and your whole heart. All those plans I had, I think, they were misguided, a youthful mistake. Perhaps at some point in the future I can move to Amsterdam, or Paris, or Berlin, or London, and do something creative and exciting, but not now. That’s what I’ll do in ten years, when everything is different. I’ll make sure to tell Sam. 

Who did I think I was, really, trying to do all of that at eighteen? Now is for this, for Michelle. For doing something right.

“I love you,” she says, and I wonder, with her cheek resting against my chest, if she can somehow hear the way my heart tightens as though grasped by a fist, or how my breath catches in my throat when she says it. I’m surprised by the rising feeling that I might start crying, but I force it down.  

Crying over what, Jude? I sneer at myself. 

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Something stupid, as usual.

Beginning // Prev // Next

[houseofbrat]

Another episode of

Because Kate Mansey is writing fan fiction of an event she--and no other reporter--was even allowed to attend.

Sources close to Kate point to two words in her statement on Tuesday that were doing some heavy lifting, that this was the: “new normal”. But what does that look like for a family that, for centuries, has been resolutely sticking to the old normal, for whom the old normal was their bread and butter, their very raison d’être? First of all, it means that her royal engagements post-treatment have been gradual and will continue as such. The granting of royal warrants, for example, from the Prince and Princess of Wales will only come when the couple is ready to do so.

First, as already mentioned previously, Will & Kate are not able to grant royal warrants yet, but Mansey conveniently does not mention that fact. Again.

IF Will & Kate are actually given the ability to grant warrants, I have no doubt that BP will make an announcement before the next application period opens up. IF Will & Kate are allowed to grant warrants.

But then there's Kate's "new normal." Uh huh.

I wanted to take the opportunity to say thank you to The Royal Marsden for looking after me so well during the past year. My heartfelt thanks goes to all those who have quietly walked alongside William and me as we have navigated everything. We couldn’t have asked for more. The care and advice we have received throughout my time as a patient has been exceptional. In my new role as Joint Patron of The Royal Marsden, my hope is, that by supporting groundbreaking research and clinical excellence, as well as promoting patient and family wellbeing, we might save many more lives, and transform the experience of all those impacted by cancer. It is a relief to now be in remission and I remain focussed on recovery. As anyone who has experienced a cancer diagnosis will know, it takes time to adjust to a new normal. I am however looking forward to a fulfilling year ahead. There is much to look forward to. Thank you to everyone for your continued support. C

Is it really a "new" normal if this "new normal" has been described in the press for the last seven months, at least?

Mansey blathers on...

None of this should truly come as a surprise because Kate has told the public, repeatedly, that cancer has changed her life dramatically. Even though she is back on the road to health, her written statements read as if she is spelling it out to everyone very slowly and in words that we can all understand that, for her, life will never be the same again.

Just like that Us Weekly cover SEVEN MONTHS AGO!!!

Mansey again:

Why would you go through the year she’s had just to run straight back to work, palming your three children off on round-the-clock nannies so that you can zip around the country on an old-fashioned royal ribbon-cutting parade? It’s not going to happen.

I thought Kate's "three children" were in school? Are the kids not learning at Lambrook? Are we supposed to consider that expensive school just a bunch of nannies?!

Yes, why should we expect Kate to go back and work when that's what she was doing prior to all of this happening in 2024? Not going to "zip around the country" and do royal things in the future, eh?

While Kate says that her work brings her “joy” and that she is looking ahead to a “fulfilling” year, the “new normal” means that family will come first. We saw it last year when she released a video in which she was seen enveloping her eldest son Prince George, 11, in a bear hug, walking hand-in-hand with Princess Charlotte, 9, and pushing the little Prince Louis, 6, on a swing. The same goes for William. Take the funeral of the former US president Jimmy Carter, for example. William, as heir to the throne, would normally have been expected to attend the state funeral in Washington on January 9. But it happened to fall on his wife’s birthday and so the baton was passed to his uncle Prince Edward.

Kate's work brings her "joy" but not enough "joy" to get her to "zip around the country on an old-fashioned royal ribbon-cutting parade." Do we need to fly Marie Kondo out to see if she can help Kate spark more "joy" and work?

Is this the sort of thing that the public can accommodate? Well, we know from the opinion polls that they can and will. The latest results from YouGov show that Kate is now the UK’s most popular royal — a spot held for decades by Elizabeth.

There you have it. Will & Kate don't really care about their jobs because they're popular.

FOR NOW.

Also, KP comms team seems to be forgetting that Harry was more popular than QEII for a few years. Public opinion is fickle and can turn on a dime, permanently.

Now, post-treatment, Kate is starting what she has described as a “new phase” of her recovery and she’s not alone. Many cancer patients report feeling more lost following treatment than at any other time. The regular appointments dry up and then there is just the anxiety of a future date in the diary for the next scan.

So Kate could work but won't.

But as Dean and O’Riordan know, the cancer journey is not something that you can ever forget. Kate touched on this very point in her message thanking staff at the Royal Marsden, saying: “It is a relief to now be in remission and I remain focused on recovery. “As anyone who has experienced a cancer diagnosis will know, it takes time to adjust to a new normal. I am however looking forward to a fulfilling year ahead.” That “fulfilment” won’t be found in the daily grind and looks set to come from family life as well as work.

No serious amount of work is happening soon. Probably not ever. Is The Early Years going to die a slow and silent death? Probably.

In two years George will be going up to secondary school, with Kate’s alma mater Marlborough College reportedly the leading choice for the Waleses. Why wouldn’t Kate want to savour every moment of her children in their prep school years?

When have Will & Kate NOT been "savoring every moment" of their chldren? First it was part-time royals. Then they became "full-time" royals that have never worked full time. Even now they take at least TWENTY WEEKS OF VACATION per year.

She has shown a new delight in the minutiae of her young family’s daily life, details of which she shares in letters to the King. She finds joy in family time, but also the day-to-day: the school drop-offs and the pick-ups, the homework dilemmas and the playground friendship dramas. No doubt she feels a renewed sense of gratitude that she can be there for them when they need her while they’re still young.

Is Kate writing letters to King Charles now? Is THE KING not responding to her letters? Interesting how there's no mention of a response by The King in this paragraph. No back and forth. Sounds like he's pissed off--just like he ignored her at the Qatari state visit. Funny how Kate had tea with Charles the day before her bench video premiered, and now Kate is reduced to writing letters. Just like Meghan.

For years we’ve known that William wants to do things differently, that he wants to “rip up the rule book” and reset the way the royal family works. In the aftermath of Kate’s illness, that looks even more certain.

Yes, what new kind of bullshit is William thinking up? He's already ditched the transparency the Duchy of Cornwall displayed under Charles for thirty-plus years. He keeps a secret calendar/diary/schedule away from his father's court. Yes, what other things is William keeping secret? Things that shouldn't be secret, perhaps?

Palace sources will urge that Kate’s illness is not being used by William as an excuse to slack off or do less. After all, he knows the “big job” is just a heartbeat away. But they say that when he embraces a project, he does it wholeheartedly and in a way that is designed to have a lasting impact.

The only people who can believe that paragraph are people who a) do not pay attention to Will & Kate's mess and b) their CULT.

Yet, in the end, he did enough work to land him in seventh spot among working Windsors when ranked by the number of engagements. To date in 2024, he has completed a smidge more than 135 engagements, his lowest number of events since I started my detailed analysis eight years ago. While a decrease was always expected, what surprised me is that he’s only down 26 percent from 2023. I honestly thought it would be a lost more, considering how many weeks went by without Prince William doing any public engagements. ~ Patricia Treble, "The Year in Royal Work: Prince William"

Twenty weeks of vacation per year. I keep saying it for that reason alone. He worked more in 2021 than he has since he became heir to the throne.

So, Mansey, is Kate's illness "being used by William as an excuse to slack off or do less"? Looks like it is. I don't expect William to work more this year. He's gotten away with doing the barest of minimums and people buying his excuses that he's doing "work behind closed doors."

This is a chance for Kate and William to take stock and rethink the way the monarchy operates in the modern world, not just for William’s reign but also for their son Prince George. But going back to normal? Don’t expect to see that again.

I think Will & Kate have already rethought how they're going to be doing things, and people in the press will likely not be there. Did you miss the part, Mansey, about how no one in the UK press was invited? KP in-house photographer & videographer at work.

And this fawning apologia was written and published two days later in The Times for almost no apparent reason. Was this Mansey's version of "f--- the haters" that Tom Sykes published four months ago?

One friend of William and Kate told The Daily Beast: “It’s the reset to end all resets. This is Kate and William as they mean to go on. It’s family first and f--- the haters, f--- the press, f--- Harry and Meghan.

What's the difference between Mansey's apologia for Kate not having any intent of returning to her job and the statement Tom Sykes published? Minus an f-bomb I don't see any.

The UK's Marie Antoinette everyone!

I sure hope Mansey got paid extra for this drivel.

[esther-lu-writes]

A Mile Past Glade Hollow

Journal Entry~ 2.4k words

TW: Discussion of mental health challenges; NSFW (intimacy 🌶️)

Early May, 2025

Another one came today. After months of waiting, I’m thanked for my application, applauded for my bravery in submitting my work… written with all the heartfelt emotion of a generic rejection letter. This is my sixth one in a row. Being a writer sucks. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe I just suck. Those are the sticky thoughts that creep in. Tiny, harmless barbs that collectively catch my self-worth and start dragging me down. Other writers get a break, other writers can connect with readers… it’s my writing, it’s my stories. 

It’s me. 

My therapist wants me to reach out in other ways. I’m trying really hard not to regress and tell him where to stuff it. This is what I do. I sit alone and write. I can’t teach anymore… not after my breakdown. I’m getting better but the idea of putting myself out there makes my brain short circuit. Dr. Henriksen says I can start small. He suggested I could start one of those tiny libraries and share some of my favorite books with the community. I dunno. We’ll see. 

And the dry house has become a weird sticking point with my landlady. Joan has enlisted Ravi into her campaign to get it “up to code.” The only thing it’s used for right now is to park my dilapidated Jeep. I suppose it would be nice to spiff it up. My uncle worked so hard to restore the grist mill where I live. I think Joan feels like she needs to complete his unfinished business. 

Anyways, the two of them cornered me with a proposition. I guess some traveling artist needs a place to stay. He’s offered to help rebuild the dry house in exchange for a cheap living space. Of course, I was adamantly against that idea. My number one favorite thing about living in an old mill is the complete lack of neighbors. Of course, Ravi knows how to work an angle with me. He helped Joan craft a deal on my rent-to-own lease with her. She’s willing to use the money she collects on the dry house rent to supplement what I owe her. Given the fact that writing gigs aren’t exactly piling up, I couldn’t really refuse the opportunity. 

So yeah, life is a little tricky these days. It helps to have the music history conference on the horizon. Apart from feeling like a total failure, I’ve been working quite hard at fine-tuning my upcoming lecture. Nothing soothes the soul like hours of researching Mozart sonatas. To be completely honest, my mind has been wandering to other thoughts after discovering my old flame Gloria will also be in attendance. Actually, she’s highlighted as a keynote speaker. I haven’t spoken to her in years but it’s definitely inspired certain feelings. I woke up this morning blushing over a dream about a pirate and a handful of libertine mermaids. 

It’s all just fantasy though. The conference is pretty big so there’s a decent chance I won’t even run into Gloria. Lord knows I’m too shy to approach her. I should have known Ravi would be too curious not to pull the event up online and notice her name on the banner. All week he’s been teasing me about my “long-term situationship.” I love him… but what an ass.

Shay, on the other hand, is having a different reaction. He has never liked Gloria (since meeting her back in college). Historically, he has a hard time sharing me with other people. Our friendship has always included a physical element… it’s tricky to put a label on it. Ravi and Shay are happily married, Ravi and I are close friends, Shay and I are best friends who take a lot of comfort in being intimate. So, it’s not quite a love triangle but we’re more than “just friends.” I guess it falls somewhere on the ethical non-monogamy spectrum? 

Whatever the three of us have, we’ve had it for a long time and it works for us. The exception being I’m still technically single. Obviously I’m allowed to date and pursue romantic relationships. Shay just happens to get overprotective once someone has caught my eye. Gloria is particularly triggering for him. He’s had a few conversations with her in the past and was unimpressed to say the least. I don’t really blame him. She can be pushy, arrogant and totally full of herself. He insists I can do better but honestly, it’s hard to imagine someone who would ever meet his high standards. 

As expected, the moment he found out I would be in the same vicinity of Gloria, Shay started making his intentions clear. In fairness, it had been awhile. He hadn’t spent a night over since he got back from his trip with Ravi. But as attentive and sweet as the man can be, he always dials it up tenfold in these situations. Oodles of praise, sneaky neck kisses, goosing my sides, food galore! Ravi and I joke that we never eat better than if Shay is feeling slightly jealous. 

Inevitably, the guy whisks me off my feet and we indulge in a night of passion. It’s almost overwhelming what a generous lover he can be, especially when he’s motivated. As he shepherded me up to the loft, I couldn’t help but tease him, “Hmm, maybe I should reconnect with Gloria more often.”

He was having none of it. “Very cheeky. Let’s see if you can even remember her name after tonight.”

The man was good for his word. The living space in the mill is somewhat cavernous and loud noises tend to bounce off the stone walls and the cathedral ceiling. Once again, I was thankful there were no neighbors who lived close by. It was well into the night before we passed out in each other’s arms. Morning came too soon as cheerful sunlight spilled through the loft windows. I woke up first and tried to wriggle out of bed. A burly arm encircled my waist, scooping me back under the sheets. 

“Where are you slipping off to so early?” His voice was still laden with slumber.

I rolled over to face him. “I guess I’m awake… I can make us some coffee.” 

His sleepy eyes blinked at me under a mess of auburn curls. “Sorry love, I’ve a mind to keep you a while longer.”

Shay tucked me back into his arms, nuzzling my neck with his short whiskers. It’s a cheap move, one of the easiest ways to get me in stitches. I shrieked and sputtered, insisting it was much too early for him to torture me. 

Shay backed off slightly, but continued to place strategic kisses on my neck. “Ready to tap out after so few tickles? You’re getting weak, Lu.”

Another whiskery kiss lingered on my weak spot, “AHHHHAAA… n-no fair!! R-Ravi has been tickling me… ahaahaaa, plenty!!”

Shay started nibbling my ear, knowing full well how I’d react. “Yes, so I’ve heard. Frankly, I’m tired of letting him have all the fun.”

“It’s y-y-our fault! Y-you told him about all m-my spots!! ARRGHAHAAA… leave my ears alooooone!!”

I could feel Shay’s satisfied smile against my cheek. He slid his hand under the covers and deliberately grazed a very sensitive area between my legs. “I didn’t tell him everything. How long has it been since you’ve been tickled here?”

On just about any other day, I would have accepted my fate as the man’s tickle toy for the morning. But my memory still burned of listening to Shay instruct Ravi on how to make me fall to pieces over speaker phone! Armed with this forbidden knowledge, Ravi has since transformed from a playful tickler into a fearsome interrogator. It was time I taught this smug Irishman a lesson.

I rolled around in his arms to face him. My hand wandered past his waist to play with his soft curls below. “I actually think it’s time to settle the score between us.”

Shay raised his eyebrows, surprised at the turn of events. “Oh? What score is that?”

My fingers encircled his member, which was already growing with excitement. “You think it’s pretty funny that Ravi has been tickling the daylights out of me, don’t you? I wonder if he knows about all of your spots.”

Shay moaned in pleasure as I slowly stroked him. “Uhhh, well… we’ve been married (lord) a long time. H-he knows my body…. ohhhh, pretty well.”

Shay, in general, was hardly a ticklish fellow. At best, you can get a few chuckles out of him. He’s a good sport and will usually let someone give him a decent go-over before turning the tables and destroying them. Ravi and I both have learned this lesson the hard way. Shay is the most good-natured person I have ever met but as a ler, he devastates me. 

There is one chink in his armor. Of course, he was too turned on to see what was about to happen. My touch grew lighter as I set the trap, “So, you would have no problem if I were to talk Ravi through tickling you?”

Shay was fully aroused. He shifted his hips forward slightly as his voice lowered to a sensuous tone, “Mmmmm, n-none whatsoever.”

I let my fingertips tease his firm shaft, “You sure?”

Shay bit his lip, “Christ! I’ll l-let you do about anything when m-my lad’s in your hand.”

“Hmmm, so you say.” I’ve known Shay a very long time and one thing we discovered at the beginning of our young romance was we shared a weakness in common. My fingers released his effort and traveled slightly south to the soft skin below. 

It barely took a few scribbles. His pleasurable moans ended with a panicked yelp as his large thighs snapped shut. “AHAAHAA… NO! Oh no!! T-that’s off limits!”

I raised a stern eyebrow at my dear friend, “I believe the deal was I could do what I like, so long as I pay attention to a certain area.”

Shay could tell I was serious and tried to backpedal. “B–But y-you know how bad it is… down there.”

He was clearly torn between terror and lust. I was starting to enjoy this. “Oh yes, I do. I wonder if Ravi does too?”

I could tell by his look of horror, Ravi had no idea about the two ticklish jewels that resided between his husbands legs. I tapped on his thighs, “Don’t be stubborn. If you want your wake up call, you need to pay the piper.”

Shay could barely force himself not to bat my hands away. As promised, I continued to work him up and down. I let him relax for a minute, enjoying the pleasure of my touch. It was only after he closed his eyes that my other hand inched down to tease the underside of his tender spheres. Truly, it was the tiniest touch. The man practically squealed before he was seized with uncontrollable giggles. Shay was someone who enjoyed almost full-immunity from this kind of torment. I had to admit, it was a delight to see my favorite tormentor pitch with laughter. 

I pumped him firmly while fondling the most ticklish part of his anatomy. “Oh, I know. It’s terrible, isn’t it? Now, let’s see… how would we talk Ravi through this technique? Any ideas?”

Shay was laughing so forcefully, he couldn’t string two words together. I stilled my fingers but continued to work his shaft. His arousal was making him that much more sensitive. Ragged giggles and moans dotted his response. “Oh lohooord… (please). Hahaaaaha, I… (uhhhhh)... hahaaaa, I d-don’t know!!”

“You don’t? You had plenty to say when he wanted to tickle the life out of me. Maybe you need more time to think.” 

My fingers sprang into action, tracing the soft curves, making gentle come-hither motions. It was complete hysterics. Did I always sound this insane when he tickled me? I suppose in fairness, that is about as sensitive as an area can get.

Raucous, rowdy laughter bounced off the walls and rang high above us in the wooden rafters. Shay is a hefty fellow and could easily have rolled away from me. Somehow, my gentle pumping held him in place. I let him experience a few more minutes of his own medicine before pausing again, “Well, anything to add to the conversation?”

Shay whimpered as I continued my rhythmic pulse, “P-please, Lu… ahahhaa! C-can’t you see (ohhhaaaha) I’m a b-broken man?”

“Are you really going to make me ask again?” I jiggled his velvety burden, teasing it with all five fingers.

“CHRIIIIIHIIST!!! OKAAHAAYYYY… I’LL TEHEELLL HIM!!!”

“You’ll tell him what exactly?”

“GAHAHAAAAAD… THAT I’M TIHIIIICKLISH!!”

I could tell bringing Ravi into the conversation was particularly exciting for my friend. I sped up my friendly hand as the wicked one continued its torment. “You need to tell him where you’re ticklish. Let’s hear you use your words.”

Shay was thrusting his hips, trying desperately to speed up his climax. I knew from experience (often from his own hands) that there’s no hope for relief until the tickling subsides. The only way he could save himself was to give me what I wanted. His arms wrapped around me as his body shuddered with laughter, “HAAHAAAAHAAA… I’LL T-T-TELL RAVI… OHHOHHO LOHOOORD… I’M TICKLISH… ON M-MY GOOLIES!!”

Goolies??! I chuckled as I gave the poor guy a break. “Seriously? That’s how you would tell him??”

Shay rested his tear-stained face on my shoulder, still shaking from all the sensation. “Have m-mercy, Lu… haaha… can’t you see I’m d-dying here?”

I could indeed. Although he earned far worse than five minutes of suffering, I relented. Cupping his dear face, I kissed him deeply while giving him the quick finish he longed for. It wasn’t long before he passed back out, the morning sun dancing in his beautiful shock of curls. 

I doubted my friend would actually inform Ravi of his vulnerability but it didn’t matter. Other worries tried to creep back into my brain- the rejection letters, the new tenant, Gloria. None of that mattered at the moment. There was a sweetness to this morning. True, nothing was really solved but the air around me felt different, softer. I realized how nice it was to hear someone breathing next to me. It made me wonder what other possibilities might come from waking up a little less alone.

[cicisbloghasgotitgoingon]

Preparing To Leave:

To start with, this adventure was something that took over a year to actually acomplish. I was still in my first year of law in September of 2023 when I had to complete the interview process for this opportunity to study abroad. They were simple questions. Questions I had practiced answering even before I got there. I knew what I wanted from this experience, it felt easy but I was still nervous that somehow I would mess up or come across so unlikeable or distatesful that they would reject me on the spot. Anxiety is a joy like that. They told me not to worry and that my interview went very well, that I should expect to recieve my approval to continue with the process later in the week. I still worried, overthought it all with each day. When I got the email saying I was good to go, it didn't quite feel real. They warned me that because i was leaving in my second semester of my second year that I wouldn't hear from them for around 8-10 months because they wouldn't have anything to give me. Safe to say all that time dragged out. It was a year and a month or so before I did get my study abroad info. During all that time, I was filled with academic trials and personal challenges. Friendships changed, some bloomed more than the ones I assumed would. The flowers set safely in my garden withering and growing, swaying and drooping. Some even reached out closer to each other, roots entangling below the dirt and I envied that in some cases. Others turned out to be harmful to the garden and I was sad to see them go. When it started to get closer to my departure, everything really began to pile up. I had less time for friends, I was overwhelmed with studies and academic pressure, my mental health was weighing me down and every interaction I participated in. Even my relationship took a hit, though it worked out in the end. I often have this thing where I get excited for trips or special days but it takes until the actual day or me arriving for the real emotions to set in, so it's been sort of a muted excitement and a disbelief that I would really get to come here. In my head, something would just happen and I wouldn't get to be here. It always feels like that before events really. As if I can't ever believe something cool would really happen to me. It's silly I suppose but it can't be helped. Christmas arrived and I got to spend my first Christmas s with my partner. We cuddled the dog and cozied up by the fire, we opened gifts and ate inordinate amounts of food. I received the first gift in 7 years from my mother and I was so happy, so full of love and a sort of melancholy. But so happy for the effort and thought this gift came with. I went and spent time with my Auntie for New Years, we took a polaroid at midnight, holding glasses of booze to start the New Year off bubbly and warm from the drink. It was a perfect way to start the New Year, even as the rain pelted hard outside and doused fireworks raging outside and lighting the sky. When I came home it was all about my assignments and final bits of paperwork to fill out. I had been to the embassy in london on the 27th and had almost completed my visa application entirely and was just waiting on one more payment and then the delivery of it all. The stress of my assignments was weighing more heavily, and still is as I'm left with two to complete.

It was a whole experience, preparing for this trip. It both dragged and came speeding towards me. My flight got booked, the 23rd of January at 12:10, a 7 hour flight to the place I'd be living in for the next four months. I got to have dinner with my family members, say goodbye and hug them before leaving, even though four months isn't so long, it felt and still feels like a long time, though now it also feels like nothing at all.

This blog may not be super well written or sound very elegant, most of this is written late at night when I am finally back in my dorm room. I hope it will be fun though and my writing will get better as I go on. It feels nice to do this so I hope others will enjoy it too.

Your Queen, Cecilia

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.171 thoughts

[So Take the Photographs and Still Frames in Your Mind]

There we go, I should have figured there'd be an additional hitch to Chikara's recruitment

Each arc so far seems to have two major steps that need to be performed for the new recruits to become properly integrated into the group: the aversion of their tragedy and the application of their ability

The tragedy is the reason why everyone thinks their ability is some kind of curse, and because they have that mentality, their capacity to evolve their abilities is greatly reduced. They become stuck in their ways, thinking "if I didn't have this ability, I could do XYZ thing"

Fuuko herself is a great example of this, illustrated quite well in this chapter, because she always considered Unluck as the thing that kept her from having a normal life, but now that she's had centuries to accept and understand it, she was able to fit into high school life almost perfectly fine. She had to take precautions and certainly make compromises, but look at her! She made it through an entire school year without any major incidents or close calls that were worth noting!

If Fuuko could have embraced and Unluck as a superpower rather than a curse, she could feasibly have allowed herself to live this life on her first go around rather than needing a second chance and the experience to do so

Fuuko says that Chikara's chance for an alternate path came far too late in the previous loop, and that's absolutely true, but it's true for everyone else too. Everyone's tragedies immediately set them on the path of despair and self-doubt, of isolation and regret. Everyone was already neck-deep in a negative character arc, ensconced in a lie about the nature of their own lives

By rescuing each Negator from their tragedy, Fuuko stops each of them at the crossroads, giving them the opportunity to decide for themselves whether their ability is a blessing or a curse

The caveat there, though, is that Fuuko isn't actually explicitly setting them down the alternate path. She wants them to take it, of course, but she can't just say "phew, good thing we saved you. Also hey, you have a cool power now!" No, the Negators need to experience firsthand how their abilities can be useful; to themselves, to others, to Fuuko, whoever would be the most impactful in their understanding

Chikara is probably the clearest example of this dichotomy because he didn't get the opportunity to see Unmove's value immediately following his tragedy's aversion. Instead, he had months to live with it, to experience how it affects his day-to-day life and the people around him and adjust to make it less of an inconvenience

Shen went into battle with Feng immediately after gaining Untruth and nearly killing Mui with it. He had all of two seconds to realize that what happened to him was an accident and that so long as he was careful, it would never happen again, and even better, he'd be able to make it work to his advantage, which he did beautifully

Void, Creed, Tella and Billy were all pretty much the same way, while Gina took a little bit of self-reflection to really get going, but all of them experienced the practical application of their abilities ASAP

Chikara, though? He just saw his family's lives flash before his eyes and then suddenly couldn't go about his daily life without being extremely mindful of even the most minute movements of his limbs lest he accidentally freeze someone at an inopportune moment. While he may not be stuck in the mentality of it being a curse, he probably thinks Unmove is just a useless superpower at best or a complete nuisance at worst

For him to be able to use Unmove to its fullest, to change his interpretation of it and allow it to grow, Chikara needs to be put in a situation where it proves it has value, like how he was instrumental in defeating Rip in the previous loop

Of course, Fuuko doesn't look at it that way, at least not for Chikara; she wants Chikara to live his own life without concerning himself with the needs of the world. She's already resolved to take on that burden, and enlisted everyone else to do the same, but if it were up to her, she wouldn't actually have anyone fighting at all. The soldiers and martial artists, sure, that's where their lives would take them anyway, but the school kids? You think she expects Phil to actually fight? He's going to, but she's not going to ask him to. She never asks Nico or Ichico to fight, they just take on support roles, either restraining enemies or building tech that will prove helpful

The scientists make stuff because they enjoy it, the fighters fight stuff because they enjoy it, and everyone else is there because they have a strong sense of loyalty to Fuuko specifically. Chikara would naturally fit into the latter category, but Fuuko doesn't want anyone doing anything they don't want to to do themselves. Sure, if she needs help, she'll ask for it, like when Sean made her invisible to beat Creed, but she's never asked Sean to fight, and I don't think she ever would

Fuuko's fighting to give Chikara the opportunity for a normal life, but what she doesn't seem to realize is that that's the reason most of her friends are fighting too; to give her a normal life. Chikara is, again, the perfect frame of reference for this, because he's the one living a normal life right now thanks to Fuuko. He knows what she's given up and how much it meant to her, so seeing her vanish before his eyes like this will resonate so much more with him than it might for everyone else

Chikara is on his way to find Fuuko and everyone else, and will likely end up fighting Colour in the process. In doing so, Chikara will learn the true value of Unmove and how instrumental he can be in changing the world for the better, not just for himself, but for his friends who've had to give up so much already. Chikara isn't the type to just let others sacrifice themselves, he's the type to put in the effort to stand with them, as we saw in his battle with Top against Creed

To put it succinctly, Fuuko is acting as a personification of both the Call to Adventure and the Refusal of the Call. She interrupts the inciting incident that would usually force the Negators to Cross the First Threshold, and instead of forcing them to cross, gives them a legitimate choice; it just so happens that because of her charismatic nature, no one actually would refuse the call when she's the one to offer it

Looking at it from that framework, I suppose Fuuko is the student who has become the master, going from the hero refusing the call 170 chapters ago to the mentor making the call today, all while still retaining the role of the hero, saving everyone by acting as the mentor

I wasn't really expecting to realize that Undead Unluck was shaking up longstanding storytelling traditions today, but hey, it's not the craziest revelation I've had about this series I suppose

I really to wonder how the formula's going to change when Andy comes back

To cycle back into the events of this chapter though, a few closing thoughts

Sean taking Shen's wink is super cute (also just realized their names are similar)

Feng hesitating to hit Ryo in effigy and wondering why; we love to be drip-fed character development

Fuuko being actively vengeful against Colour for potentially harming Chikara's daily life, even ignoring the fact that it took her out of the fantasy that she's been dreaming of for 200 years, that's a fun new angle for her character

Gina giving Sean the Thousand Years of Death, poor guy

David Evelyn translating "aokusai (reeks of blue/green)" as "your naivete leaves me blue" when the usage of blue/green in context is meant to evoke inexperience itself; we literally use green to mean naive and inexperienced! Why not have it call Gina "green," it would mean the same thing! Like "looks like you're just too green to fight me" or something like that? It doesn't matter, I just think it would have been fun to have Colour talk about green, blue and red instead of only doing blue and red

...If Chikara joins and they need to make another timeskip, won't his parents have to experience years without their son? Cus we still need Isshin to grow up, which means that she's going to be outside during a timeskip to learn how to use Unbreakable from her grandpa, is Chikara going to leave his parents to age out?? That's kind of cruel isn't it?? Ah well, cross that bridge when we come to it I guess

[nasuversekinkmeme]

Weekly Roundup: prompts

fgo

Ritsuka goes to Jeanne Alter for help in with make up application, and she’s all too ready to help her inexperienced master. Not that she’d show it.

smut, gudako getting dp'd by girlcocks pretty please

something fluffy between Hajime and Guda please! Just wanna see these two be happy is all

smut, Spartacus despite his everything is actually very caring in bed

Douman pulling progressively stupider ideas out of his ass to trick Kama and to his growing confusion they keep fucking working because fem!mc likes being flirted with autistic-style feel free to decide if you wanna write f/f or f/f/m just make them as pathetic as possible okay

After being forced into being a prince, and then being shafted (poor choice by Eli, but I digress) our favourite old man Prince Li Shuwen is all alone.... I think he deserves some love from a princess (or Prince, if you want) of some kind. He deserves it after all his hard work! (how did he even get his hands on the tiny outfit for the pumpkin?)

Medb slips into girl Ritsuka’s bed at 1 am for some cuddles, only to find her archnemesis Ushiwakamaru already cuddling the Master. Well, you know what they say: the more the merrier!

Nightingale and Agravain are forced to learn to respect women

More and more new Servants are answering Chaldea's summons because word has spread in the Throne of Heroes by heroes, villains, and even counter guardians that being summoned to Chaldea is basically the best possible outcome.

noncon, Gudao rapes Elizabeth. She cries.

smut, It’s Halloween time! Gudao celebrates by having an orgy with all the Elizabeth variants. It’s what they deserve.

We can have Aesc or Morgan carrying Habetrot in her shoulder as if she were a Pikachu.

smut, Mordred is probably the only one who puts up with Kama's depraved and perverted requests. Be it licking the goddess' sweaty armpits or giving her a rimjob before plowing her ass, the knight is willing to full whatever she demands.

smut, Morgans love for Britain gets her rewarded in the best way possible, she gets fucked by the literal concept of Britain itself.

smut, alright, so, that osakabehime/ritsuka somno fill most definitely awakened something in me. setting that aside, could we get another scenario with that same prompt with another ritsuka/female pairing? my only other request is to make it just as consensual and fluffy as that one was. many thanks in advance

anything with Berserker Vlad... go wild. can be as spicy or as wholesome as y'all want. 🙏🏼

That last prompt made me realize Ozy prompts are super low which is criminal. So to add: Guda promised Ozy they would never summon his wife Nefertari as Ozy does not want her risking her life. So when she randomly pops out one late night it's their job to hide them before the Pharoah realizes. Shenanigans ensue

Ozymandias invites Arash over for the night. While everyone, even Arash, thinks this is a booty call, Ozy actually thought it was about time to tell his bestie about his wife and brother.

Ok, so I wasn't able to find ANYWHERE a fic between Gudako and Ushi, and this is my opportunity to change that! I would love for it to be kind of warm and cute, but if you want to take it into smut territory too, hey I am here for it! The thing I really want to ask for though, is Ushi headpatting Ritsuka. The girl is probably like 10 cm taller than her Master, she should be the one delivering the pats!

any

anything sneeze kink related please... i dont even care who its with

smut, any of the old man Servants getting pegged. they deserve only the best

smut, One of the servant streamers gets fucked live on stream

[toy-capsule]

barbie movie rewrite because it was okay but i know how it couldve been better

ya so i've only watched the movie once and actively as i was watching it i was thinking of ways to rework the plot.. and i wrote none of it down after i saw it. but i like this website and i should post here more so here's my nonsense thoughts :)

so couple of main changes need to take place for this movie to work as a proper feminist movie in my opinion. making it perfect or overly nuanced isn't my idea of fixing it; I would much rather improve the fundamental message and conclusion so it isn't a specifically flawed intro to feminism because that is a really valuable thing for movie's in this climate to be.

change 1: alan deserved better!

one of the biggest philosophy's of feminism i believe in is intersectionality. alan is in a very interesting spot in the barbie world which i believe makes him uniquely suited for the movie's core conflict- an opportunity that the writers squandered (number one pathetic character apologist here). anyways, from what ive seen in the commentary and reactions this movie has, is that like weird barbie, alan is seen as a bit of a queer icon. but instead of his typical pre-movie interpretation of him just being a gay man, ive witnessed many also head canon them as non-binary as well (I'll stick to he/they pronouns for them here!) because of how much he chooses to associate with the barbies over the kens more often than not. i cannot believe that this wasn't explored more in the conclusion.

this leads me into my main argument for alan- instead of simply inspiring the resolution they should've been a much more important key player. how this might happen starts with the dance off in the third act. i think that pitting the kens against each other here was a pretty low blow narratively, it really establishes a pretty unfortunate theme for the ending which is just division between the two groups. (the barbie movie is really just misogyny but in reverse and doesn't attempt to fix any of the problems it acknowledges.) instead of infantilizing the kens -which was fine at the beginning of the movie for shits and giggles but became less funny and more frustrating as the movie went on- i think a much more productive start to the beach dance-off scene could've been alan trying to talk sense into the kens (like gloria does for the brainwashed barbies.) it would have needed to fail at this point for the sake of conflict but it would have brought in an easy applicable solution for our real life equivalent of misogyny into the narrative - men (and those apart of their sphere socially) talking to and checking their fellow peers when they are doing sexist shit

after the barbies take over the supreme court and do their thing we have a bit of tension to resolve still. even though gosling's stereotypical ken (sken) has discovered that he is kenough, that can't be said for the rest of the ken's. liu's ken #2 (real character name) should probably be the one to try to enforce the patriarchy just because of the preestablished tension. i think it would be a wonderful moment to see sken stand up to him properly here and really acknowledge alan's message here of respecting the other Barbie's as people and friends (shout out ace stereotypical barbie!) rather than objects. additionally they ask for respect in turn (equal representation on the supreme court because that ending was so foul wtf) also maybe some hand holding action because i am nothing if not a poly sken/alan/ken2 shipper- this is still a tumblr analysis what did you expect)

change 2: ruth shouldn't have been god, barbie should've

barbie becoming human at the end was weird and gross. who would actually want to be human? i'm sorry but if i lived as an inspirational concept to little girls around the world i think i would've taken that power a bit more seriously.

i'm so glad ruth was included in this movie and she should still play a key part in barbie's crisis and development. but.. instead of being god i think she should've acted more as a guiding spirit to barbie or a silly (possibly vengeful - literally just for fun i have no basis for this) ghost haunting mattel. after all, all of barbie's power comes from being an idea that can persevere throughout generations, and ruth is well... dead. i think instead of asking to become human when she got agency the conversation shouldve gone a bit more like this : ruth: what do you want barbie? barbie: honestly i don't know, is that normal? ruth: yes honey, (big dramatic monolouge about not rushing to find purpose.. etc) barbie: after everything that's happened i still dont feel like i belong ruth : that's okay too. you have all the time in the universe to decide what you want to be, youre in control of your own destiny barbie: the universe sounds nice actually, but there is one thing i need to do before i go *she fucking obliterates mattel's ceo and thats how she debuts as god*

not the best but better than her going to the fucking gyno as an ending

minor changes!

I think gloria and sasha should have gotten more development, making them mirror ruth and barbie wouldve been a nice touch. maybe an ending or after credits scene depicting the two of them having a similar conversation to the one i just described would have been silly. (also please take sasha more seriously that girl is right about everything and is listened to only a third of the time she actually gets lines. she could've been an excellent dead-pan comedic foil to the more absurdist jokes of the film, under utilized fave) big opportunity to make that conversation absolutely unhinged too:

gloria: you can be whatever you want in life kid sasha: *actively pinning up pictures of warner bros ceo david zaslav on a bulletin board with a big red x and looks directly into the camera* I know mom <3

mattel's depiction was barely passable. i have had enough of major companies being posed as villains but keeping them silly and unthreatening- its unfaithful and disrespectful to real life. start them off as silly and shitty, thats fine. it matches the tone of the movie- but as parallels between real life and the movie converge in the third act, mattel should start acting like the predatory company they actually are.

their investment in reinstating barbie as supreme leader over ken despite him making more money in the name of "feminism" would have never in a star death ever happen. literally the entire board only being men was a joke they really fucking made and still had them supporting women- it ruins the entire thesis of the movie and makes the message muddy. fix that, keep them forcefully trying to pair up barbie and ken but change it so its true life: nothing more than an effort to make more of a profit and bring patriarchy to barbieland. this would've brough the climax to an apex and match the stakes to my barbie god conclusion.

anyways yeah i loved the artistic direction of this movie and the casting but not much else! let me know if i missed anything and thx for reading

[eat-the-richard]

GOTY OF THE YEAR 2,000,023

IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME AAGAIN FRIENDS! Another overly long written ramble about the very best in my personal gaming life and experience delivered DIRECTLY TO YOUR EYEBALLS!

And what a year it was!! For gaming! All of it! Just a comprehensive onslaught of video game products from all different genres and developers. From Triple As to Indies to whatever the fuck we're supposed to call the middle ground of those two. No matter who you (yes, YOU, not the general ""you"") are, something came out this year that tickled your little small little balls in one way or the other.

The best part of all, though? A year like this will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!! Certainly not next year, like my god look at that 2024 upcoming games list, man. It is *slight*.

You wanna know why? Because this amount of quality output, of course, does not come from studios or companies or brands or even the almighty dollar sign. It comes, of course, from people. People who are insanely talented and passionate about their craft. Likely those who dreamed for years to be a part of this seemingly amazing industry of creative professionals all striving towards the same creative goals. And for gaming developers, 2023 was not a year worth celebrating. Sure the products that they worked on released to the public to play and enjoy, but as soon as these projects wrapped up, the studio or company or brand or even the almighty dollar sign ditched their ass RIGHT TO THE CURB!

Because to all of those previously mentioned abstractions, talent is expendable. Demand for talent should be at an all time high, given that gaming continues to be the most money-making entertainment medium of the 21st century. So more games should be in development, therefore necessitating more job opportunities and areas where passionate individuals can spearhead their own creativity into a golden goose. But, of course, this is not how abstractions operate. The talent who creates these fine pieces of art are mere cogs to them, oiling and greasing a machine that will continue to move as long as the pieces are in place. And there will always be a new crop of cogs fresh in the industry who will be willing to take meager pay, miserable conditions, and limited flexibility in their line of work, as long as they get a chance to work with the abstractions.

This, of course, will not happen. The continuous horror of the modern gaming industry spreads far and wide. Notably to our youth, as chronically online as they are, who likely will not want to invest their time and life into a career that will never respect them. As for the talent who have been laid off every month this year? They won't stick around. Their services are applicable in many other fields that not only pay better, but have far more job security. So the talent pool dries up, there will be increasingly fewer individuals looking to refill, and the gaming bubble finally pops.

We're at the precipice of it, and it's hard to ignore the warning signs. It's hard to write a piece about the "great year in gaming" we as consumers had as it feels like the industry that created it might not look the same way in 10 years. Gaming won't die, obviously, there's too much demand for it. But the 300 million dollar blockbusters, the 3-4 year crunch periods, the constant race to produce technological best. That will die. And this year was the last hurrah.

So, in that spirit, let's celebrate the year that was for me. The 10 best games from this year and previous that remind me why I love it in the first place. Why I want to support it, and wish it nothing but the best. And most of all, highlighting the talent who ultimately made it possible, rather than the abstraction who will tear it down.

---------------

Anyway! Enough of that SHIT!! Video games are cool, and I like them. Today, we’re going to RANK the TOP 10-ish GAMES I PLAYED in Twenty Twenty Three. But before that, let’s dive into some dis/honorable mentions.

REMASTER I REALLY LIKED BUT DIDN’T WANT TO RANK BECAUSE ITS A REMASTER OF THE YEAR: Metroid Prime Remastered (NSW)

Take your pick of, like, six or seven different 25-30 year old Metroid fans and slam them elbow-first into a padded cell. Once they come to and they start talking about Metroid, as you do in confinement, about five or six of them will confess that their first love was Metroid Prime. I would count myself one of them inside of the cell, even if it took me until 2015 and the shudders Wii U Virtual Console for me to finally give it a try.

The six-or-seven imprisoned Metroid fans will inevitably start comparing the two most popular entries in the series: Super Metroid and Metroid Prime. To me, Super Metroid is all about its scenario. Finely tuned and expertly paced, “Super” is a game I play for that jolt of the Metroid formula that currently makes up ½ of every game that comes out nowadays. But Metroid Prime is about atmosphere. The reflections of Samus’ face in the visor dotted by raindrops from above. The movement of fauna, shade & various enemies flowing through every screen. Honestly while I’m writing this the Phendrana Drifts theme is playing in my head.

Metroid Prime isn’t as precise as Super Metroid, but its ambiance is striking. This presentation, already beautiful on the GameCube, is only enhanced on Switch. Despite very little of the original Prime team still being at Retro Studios, you can tell this one was crafted with an enormous amount of respect for the source material. It gets the rare yet coveted distinction for a remaster/make/release of looking just as you remembered it your first go around, yet looking obviously much better when compared side by side. It does well to continue the legacy of this momentous game, to hopefully expose its importance to more than just the five-or-six of us currently jailed. 

By the way, the one other guy who didn’t grow up with Prime? He was chatting our ear off about the “subversive excellence” of Metroid Fusion or something. How “forcing linearity in an otherwise exploration heavy series can make you feel weak and frightened” and “it has a much tighter difficulty curve than any other title in the series.” Something like that anyway, couldn’t really hear over the all-time noogie numbers I was putting up while he was stuck in a headlock.

GAME I'M MOST MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOT FINISHING: Outer Wilds (PC)

Is it a me thing? Am I not the type of guy who would truly appreciate a game like Outer Wilds? Spoilers ahead, obviously. Don’t read this part if any part of your bones and back wants to try this one out, dead serious.

Because what a HOOK this game gets you in. The first time the sun engulfed my puny little carcass, the previous session reverses itself right in front of me and the world just completely reset itself? Astonishment, blown away? Other thoughts like that. Conceptually, Outer Wilds is a knockout. The obvious point of comparison is Majora’s Mask, but the mystery at the heart of Outer Wilds is a lot less simple than Find The Four Giants. It’s a weaving thread binding all the game’s planets, but one you must piece together largely yourself.

Which made dropping it back in April and trying to come back to it hard. I probably just have to totally restart it and really really focus on what each little node of information is saying. Or just use a guide or something idk

LEAST FAVORITE GAMING EXPERIENCE OF THE YEAR: Sonic Frontiers: The Final Horizon (PC)

Ok this title might be hyperbole a bit since I didn’t completely hate it, I just wanted an excuse to write about SONIC AGAIN! I LOVE BLUE MEN!!

Speaking of hyperbole, how about the reception of Sonic Frontiers? Seems like everyone was busting their loads over this one last year. I get it, to a certain extent. As BlazeHedgehog said in his one-hour dissection of the game this year, food tastes better when you’re hungry, and us poor Sonic fans are starving. I don’t think Frontiers is perfect by anyone’s standards, but it at the very least leaves a decent yet slightly rocky foundation for future games to knock it out of the park with.

The Final Horizon is “future games”, I guess. And uh, yeah this one didn’t knock it out of the park. Kinda bunted? Maybe tripped over first base or something idk how to make better baseball analogies than this. 

My main disappointment comes from the three new playable hedgehog/hedgehog adjacent creatures. Maybe it's my fault actually, since I had this wonderful idea in my head of how sick it would be for Knuckles or even Amy to have fully decked-out combat trees. Instead, these new characters are actually terrible at combat and you shouldn’t even try. They’re pretty specifically geared towards platforming challenges, unfortunate since all of them feel pretty miserable to control. My original review of this update was “Knuckles controls like an asshole” but they kind of fixed the controls so my review has been updated to “Knuckles controlled like an asshole* *when it launched therefore when everyone played it Knuckles controlled like an asshole”. 

Despite my gripes with base game Frontiers, at the very least it felt like a game that was rigorously playtested. Not polished by any means (for crying out loud they never fixed the pop-in), but most platforming challenges had a certain sense of flow to them that made the open zone concept work. Final Horizon does not feel properly playtested. Levels are far less scripted, which would be a great thing in an engine that didn’t feel this busted. The difficulty spikes up seemingly at random, with the three titan boss rush on hard being probably the most unfair challenge in a Sonic game that I can remember. Even the final boss (which features one cool scene where blue eyed Super Sonic gets shot out of a gun) requires a target switching mechanic the game never expects you to know or use by that point, unless I’m an idiot. Which is always the fear.

Ah well, at least it was free. And I don’t want this to be a sign for Sonic team to ditch the open zone for the next game. I do think it can work, but the main gameplay engine needs an overhaul. Not even a Sonic Utopia masturbatory “iT sHoUlD jUsT cOnTroL lIkE tHe ClAsSicS” style control necessarily, just one that feels inherently fun to run around an empty field in. Which is easy to say, I guess. “Make the Sonic feel more funner to control,” the critic says. “Allso give me a cheeseburger “

Congratulations on winning your oddly specific category awards, previously stated video game products! Time for the top ten which was going to be a top sixteen but I’m already incredibly late on this so I’d rather not write about six extra games sorry.

10. Spyro 2: Ripto’s Rage (PS1/PC)

The intro to Spyro 2 was fun all three times I played it this year. Once on original hardware at a friend’s house, another time on my own through a PS1 emulator, and a final time through the Reignited trilogy remake. Reignited was where I played through Spyro 1 for the first time some years ago, and although the Spyro 3 remake is allegedly trash (according to my one friend who learned how to read by playing Spyro 3 at age 3), the remake of Ripto’s Rage is pretty OK by my less demanding standards. Plus it ran well on Steam Deck for whatever that’s worth.

Thankfully, playing the intro to Spyro 2 three times was actually a worthwhile thing to do! Unlike Spyro 1 which basically just lets you 100% complete every level the first time you go through it, Spyro 2 requires abilities and unlocks from later levels in the game to get every orb & collectable. Every time I replayed the various levels in Summer Forest, I learned which levels (even areas of levels) I should avoid until I learned how to climb up ladders or whatever. It is much more enjoyable on a replay to keep these types of things fresh in your mind rather than coming back to it years later as a grayed & tired old hag.

While I’m not as story-pilled as a lot of my gaming peers, even in simple games I appreciate when it feels like your actions have weight to them. Completing every level in Spyro 2 isn’t just about collecting the shiny objects and touching the top of the flagpole. Each area has its own particular race of organism coming to you with an issue caused by Ripto. And while it isn’t super complex, your actions through the level are helping that particular group of living beings. When going through the entire game, and thereby helping all of these groups with their minor or major little quibbles, it’s pretty satisfying to look back on once the game comes to a close. That element is, I think, what makes a crusty little game like Spyro 2 still hold up in the face of a very different world.

9. FEZ (PC)

For a while, I didn’t want to like FEZ. I had it on Steam, but only as a result of a Humble Bundle, back when you could specify how much of your bundle purchase went to each specific game creator. And I will never forget looking at Phil Fish and his stupid face, gleefully pulling his contribution slider allllll the way to the bottom, probably capping out at $0.01.

That was 2014. 10 years later, I have two thoughts. 1. Phil Fish’s controversy feels very very trite in comparison to what the internet or, fuck, even the ENTIRE WORLD has turned into. And 2. Phil Fish is a genius.

People were saying it at the time but I just didn’t want to believe them. And I probably didn’t have the capacity to wrap my head around what FEZ was doing. It’s an entry into what I want to define right now as an “unraveling” game (remember this, it will come up later!). On the surface, FEZ is simple. It even has simple graphics! You’re a simple man, living in a simple town, with only a jump button to your name. Then, another layer. A Fez, perhaps, on the top of your gay little head. In gameplay terms, the perspective now shifts when you press the triggers, I think all Fezes do that? Anyway, fun little platforming gimmick for a little 2D game, right?

Wrong. FEZ is a 3D game. Your position in the world is a little tricky to manipulate, but it is mapped in a 3D space. You can even view the world in 3D once you beat the game and get sunglasses. I think all sunglasses do that? Anyway, this allows for some inventive puzzle solving through trying to figure out where to jump and where to shift perspective to make your way out of the room. Can be pretty tricky, but ultimately achievable, right?

Wrong. The puzzles at the end of FEZ are not possible. Literally, I think. The last puzzle is not possible without datamines and brute-forcing it. But for the puzzles that are possible, the amount of honest to god code cracking you need to do at the end of the game is not what I was expecting. I had to bring out an honest to god notebook made of paper from wood and write down my interpretation of the game’s little language. Other games certainly take inspiration from the unraveling layers of FEZ,

8. TUNIC (PC)

Hope you were paying attention! Thank god this game comes right here on the list so I don’t have to test your attention span. TUNIC is also an unraveling type game, in sort of the exact same way to FEZ actually. It appears to be a gorgeous yet sort of simple claymation sorta interpretation of the original Legend of Zelda. You’ve got a couple a silly lookin enemies, item pickups like bombs and potions, you get to explore an overworld and some dungeons. It’s Zelda 1, right?

Wrong. TUNIC is Dark Souls. Beyond just being able to fat roll, enemy encounters can get brutally difficult, and they all respawn when you die. Upon death, you drop a bit of your coins on the ground in a ghost that will stick around when you come back to that same spot. You save and respawn at a fire. Now, comparing a game to Dark Souls is kind of like the most overdone thing in games writing at the point, but it definitely helps that you can get a sense of that original Zelda formula in all of FromSoft’s games. So TUNIC aping those trends feels like a good match, I think. From here, progression might start to make sense. You travel from save room to save room, clearing dungeons and beating bosses. Eventually you’ll find a really big one, and the game is over, right?

Wrong. TUNIC is a game about not being able to understand English. The story is pretty well known at this point I think, but the sole developer of TUNIC was inspired by playing through the notoriously obtuse-without-a-manual Zelda 1 without being able to understand the words of said manual. In TUNIC, you will find pieces of a very similar looking manual all throughout the world in no particular order and in a language you cannot read. Eventually in TUNIC you’ll hit a wall where you have no idea what to do or where to go. And suddenly, you look at a single page of the manual in a slightly different way, maybe even with your head tilted a little bit more to the right. And suddenly it all makes sense. 

There’s another way in which this game unravels but it’s sort of like the impossible puzzles in FEZ and I haven’t even begun to try and wrap my head around it. I beat this game with the bad ending and I still had a jolly ole time with it. Very much my sort of game this one is. No spoken dialogue, story communicated entirely through gameplay, and hard as balls bosses. Now if only this one featured a funny little dwarf….

7. Deep Rock Galactic (PC)

Me and my friends cycled through a lot of different games this year. Still wrought in grief over the loss of TF2 and Overwatch, I think. I was kind of the outside guy in these multiplayer romps, as I am burdened with two jobs and game at weird times of the night, but I got enough time in each of them to get the idea. But of all the multiplayer games I dabbled in, the one that I am so sad I wasn’t around to play more is Deep Rock Galactic.

DRG is immediately charming. Playing as a stupid drunk dwarf is kind of inherently a little ridiculous and Ghost Ship leans into that hard. There’s of course the dedicated ROCK AND STONE button, but did you know there’s a dedicated coughing button? Not even loud obnoxious coughing either; subtle, painful coughing that feels like a burden to deal with (don’t @ me I know it’s not supposed to be a coughing button). The hub of DRG is honestly the most fun part of the game, I think. Just spending time with the buds fucking around with barrels and getting drunk on exploding IPAs is quality stuff. 

I only played Driller, I think? The rest of the characters are probably fun though. I just liked being able to serve that oh-so-important purpose of pressing M1 in a direction and overheating by accident, as well as using my flamethrower to hurt my teammates. And using my C4 to hurt my teammates. I’m sure they all hate playing with me since I suck ass, but it’s hard for me to get mad at myself when I’m bad at the game since the stakes feel pretty low. Co-op games like this always appeal to me more than PVP for that exact reason, and I hope I can put DRG on this same list next year when I’m a little bit more seasoned.

DRG also fucked up my reflexes for every other game as I always want to press F to throw a flare into a dark room. Even in real life! 

6. Dying Light (PC)

Another multiplayer game, although this one isn’t really originally intended to be multiplayer. This game flew under the radar for me for a long time until one of my friends randomly suggested we play it co-op one day and we all happened to have it for free on the Critically Acclaimed Epic Games Launcher. First thing to address here, this game is shockingly seamless as a multiplayer game considering it’s obviously a single player game primarily. Ok, maybe not quite seamless since all the player characters are the same generic white guy protagonist. At least you can wear a clown outfit? But the connection never dips, you’re never kicked out for no reason, everyone gets to watch a cutscene at the same time. Great co-op experience overall.

Honestly, the story and scenario of Dying Light is very uninteresting to me. We haven’t even beat the main story yet. In fact, we go out of our way to not do the main story and just focus on side content as much as we can. Because the core gameplay of Dying Light is fantastic. Again, this game completely flew under the radar for me and I feel like the same thing happened to most people I know. So I was shocked at how good the game feels. Jumping from roof to roof rarely doesn’t work once you know what you’re doing thanks to the generous ledge grab system. And once you get a grappling hook? Bitch, every game should have a grappling hook. 

Combat is where the game really shines though. We set the difficulty to hard right away, which initially made it practically impossible to kill even the most basic type of zombie. If you’re just trying to whack the undead with a simple melee weapon, you’re probably going to get your health drained in an instant. Obviously you get better weapons, even guns towards the back half of the game. But you don’t want to use those all the time, especially guns since they make a ton of noise and alert a ton of infected. So it’s when you start unlocking cool-ass moves like the little kick you do to finish off downed enemies skulls, tackling zombies to the floor, vaulting over their heads to get a quick move on, even a whole ass dropkick to send them tumbling into a spike wall that Dying Light starts becoming fun as hell to just run around in. 

Dying Light is also tied with Zelda Tears of the Kingdom as having the most “dark” “darkness” in a game I played this year. You straight up cannot see anything at night in this game, and if you turn on your flashlight you might wake up your mom. She’ll grab and kill you!

5. Lethal Company (PC)

What makes writing about Lethal Company hard is that, in a way, it’s undeniable. There’s no wonder why this became one of 2023’s best sellers practically overnight. Its charm is just that apparent. But why? To me, it’s how it straddles the line.

Obviously, Lethal Company is hilarious. It’s baked into the animations, with a jerky running animation that radiates Scooby-Doo-like energy and the single greatest dancing animation in all of gaming. Despite picking up items to later sell being the whole point of the game, they pack in so many silly little trinkets that are hard to separate yourself from; some can even make sounds! The first time I ever picked up the airhorn was on video, and I popped off harder for that than anything else this year. You may find yourself barrelling off the edge of a railing to your death because you thought you could jump over a gap with a big screw in your hand. Lethal Company is not only trying to make you laugh, but gives you the tools to get into a situation that’ll make your friends laugh. 

But Lethal Company is also terrifying. Especially when you have no idea what you’re doing. Deep within the halls lurk otherworldly abominations with behavior that isn’t easy to parse your first time through. Some can be easy enough to avoid like the loot bugs and spiders. But others force you to change the way you move through the level, like the Bracken that requires you to constantly look behind you or else have your neck suddenly snapped, or the Coil Head that requires constant eye-contact or else have your neck suddenly snapped. If the terror was just contained to the halls, that would be one thing. But every Lethal Company player remembers their first time seeing the Forest Keeper, silently tip-toeing your way just out of sight else get eaten alive. You can certainly learn the patterns of each of these hostile entities to make progression easier, but keeping them all in mind while juggling the keys, ducks, and generators in your hands can often be too much to handle.

Despite all the horror elements, though, I never really get too scared playing Lethal Company? At least never for too long. And that’s the beauty of it - the line that the game is teetering on between comedy and terror. Even in observing the objectively very dangerous Bracken, it’s hard not to laugh at how sheepish he looks when backing away from you. When killed suddenly by a big dog outside your ship, the tension breaks once you realize that your friends are going to have to deal with that same dog and laugh as they die with you. Ultimately, Lethal Company’s charm lives and dies by how well it executes its two polar-opposite fundamental elements. 

If updates can give more of a reason to keep playing the game after you learn the trick to each of the monsters, then this will be a multiplayer game for the books. That and add in suit customization bro, like come on the rack is right there!!

4. Super Mario Bros. Wonder (NSW)

If I was 7, Super Mario Bros. Wonder would be my favorite game ever. I am actively envious of the kids who get to grow up playing this game. Mario always hits different when you’re first getting into this method of experiencing media. Learning the fundamentals of controlling Mario is a gaming memory I will always cherish.The timing required to stomp on blocks and enemies, juggling the power-ups required to get certain secrets in a level, and the flow state you reach in jaunting through the familiar sights and sounds are baked into my gaming DNA. 

As such, I found Super Mario Bros. Wonder to be very easy. There are some harder levels sprinkled throughout the game, but in a year that I beat every Super Meat Boy chapter without dying for fun, those didn’t give me much trouble. With that, plus the sheer number of Mario games I’ve played over the past 15 years of my life, I ate this game’s lunch and didn’t break a sweat. It’s probably unfair to knock a Mario game for being easy, but considering I’m not the only person who’s broached this criticism, I think it has enough merit. But again, I am envious of those who do not have this level of skill. To the kids wiping their greasy spaghetti hands on their Switch and Joy Cons, experiencing Mario for the first time because you liked Chris Pratt’s performance in the Mario movie. If this is your first time, this will leave an unforgettable impression.

Course-clear Mario games like Bros 3, World, 3D World, NSMB, and a bunch of other words and letter combinations are built on gimmicks. Gimmick is often used in a derogatory sense in gaming discussion circles to talk about shallow, meaningless fluff added to a game just to add a pinch of variety and extend run time. But as Mario has proven time and time again, gimmicks can be good, actually. It allows each level to stay fresh, with new ideas constantly being thrown at you with no time given to let any of it grow old. Mario Bros. Wonder is built off this same foundation, but goes absolutely nuts with it. The first part of every level is designed as normal, with some set of enemies, power-ups or other obstacles being presented at an easy pace. But as soon as you Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy, that gimmick is either flipped on its head or is magnified to the highest extent possible. When you allow your development team to design a game for years with no deadline, this is the type of experience you can create. 

Also, this should go without saying, but this is probably the best looking game I’ve played all year. It doesn’t do anything crazy technically (like this probably could have been done on the Wii?), but each screenshot is blooming with color, flavor, and life. Shouts out in particular to the new Luigi model. I have no idea what specifically they did to his proportions, but DO NOT change it. This is perfect. Look at him. Perfect.

3. The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (NSW)

Hilariously, this is the second Nintendo game in a row on the top half of this list that I’m going to spend half the review bitching about. Because TOTK is the exact same as Breath of the Wild. No, not in the way you’re thinking, although that is somewhat part of it. Not because the world is the same, the overall presentation is the same, the areas are largely the same, the combat is the same, the structure of the game is pretty much the same. Not any of that, rather that this game shares BOTW’s biggest problem - it gets worse the more you think about it.

Because while I was playing it, it felt like the coolest thing ever. Ultrahand is a marvel of design and programming, obviously. Should go without saying that the potential of ultrahand is boundless, and that week where everyone was posting their Zelda creations was very fun. The abilities in general are so ingenious that they actively tricked me into playing the same 100 hour game again. Ascend in particular is one of those things that just breaks your brain and makes you want to do it in every single game that you play afterwards. The first time I discovered the depths, after not getting spoiled on it and not noticing it at all in the game’s trailers, made me feel the same magic as those opening hours of Breath of the Wild. It also shares a spot with Dying Light for having the “darkest” “darkness” in video gaming. Congrats! The awards in the mail. And after what I believe to be one of the greatest endings a Zelda game has ever had, with a killer final fight and that moment with Link and Zelda at the end, I was convinced I had played my favorite game ever.

But of course, you cannot make these sorts of decisions on your favorite X thing ever in a day, a week, even a year. It grows with time. And over time, I had a stark realization that Tears of the Kingdom didn’t really fix many of the issues I had with Breath of the Wild, even if I thought they did at the time. Item degradation was annoying the first go around, but the second time, especially considering all the crafting you have to do to get good weapons, feels especially tedious. The story is just as daft and pointless, even if it ends on a better note. The “Sacred Stone?” repetition has already been memed to death at this point but it’s notable how I didn’t even notice it at first since I had already long since tuned out of the story. Dungeons still don’t hit the same as in previous Zeldas, with the precise almost Metroid-like design of items locking progression not even attempted for a second time. Even the depths, which enamored me so deeply when I first found them, gradually became a slog to travel through as its visual repetition and lack of unique content started to dawn on me.

When I was playing Breath of the Wild for the first time, in a life that feels like it was ages and ages ago, I distinctly remember being in awe of the world they had created and the joy I had in exploring it. Even though I had my faults with the game, as I kept thinking about it, that lasting impression is what sticks out so many years later. Will the same thing happen to Tears of the Kingdom? Will its strengths persist in my head in a decade? Or will its blemishes keep it from true greatness in my mind?

One thing’s for sure: I never want to see a god damn Korok again. At least in this game you can create a device that sets them on fire, smushes them with a giant hammer, then catapults them over a mountain into a bottomless pit. Kinda fucked up you can do that…

2. Pizza Tower (PC)

Pizza Tower is fucked up game made by a fucked up man. How else can I explain the absolutely batshit insane ideas this game throws at you? The first level is called John Gutter. There’s another level in this game called “Oh Shit!” where you run around in the sewer. Mort the Chicken from the PS1 game Mort the Chicken returns to grab onto your head and force you to do double jumps. You’re forced to play golf. There’s a level where you get jumpscared by FNAF pizza topping animatronics and at the end you get to Shoot Them With A Shotgun. One of the bosses is a fucked up version of yourself that’s actually made of liquid and is secretly just a brain with eyes. You’re italian. 

I could go on. Despite my cursed Nintendo centric brain, I’ve never dabbled into Wario Land, which Pizza Tower obviously takes a lot of inspiration from. But when looking at gameplay of those older games after finishing this one, I don’t think I would really get a whole lot out of it. Pizza Tower is basically those Wario Land games made by a guy with as sick of a brain as I do, drawing all the assets with MSPaint and cramming each level with crazy bullshit and fun gameplay ideas. Those other games would probably feel kind of lacking in comparison. Like Mario Wonder, the levels in Pizza Tower are gimmicky by design, introducing one-off gameplay ideas and passing the ball to the next idea as soon as possible. So why is Pizza Tower higher than Mario Wonder?

Because Pizza Tower is an anime. When completing each level, you’re ranked from a scale of D to S, same as Sonic. At least that’s what it seems at first, though, as there is another rank. The coveted P-Rank is locked behind not just a perfect run collecting all the pizza toppings through the level, but looping back around and racing through that same level again. All within the time limit given to you when smacking the John at the end of each level. As you can probably tell, this is fucked up. Nothing else in Pizza Tower, not even the batshit level ideas, can reach how fucked up getting a P-Rank is in any level of this game. I’ve only gotten two I think? But Christ, what a rush it is. Pushing your familiarity with the controls and the level like this, reaching a glorious flow state is exactly where I love to be in a 2D platformer. And when I see that sick as hell anime OP ass P-Rank animation, I reach COMPLETE GAMING EUPHORIA.

I am so excited to jump back into this one once I have the time and give this the thorough beating it deserves. Just like how Peppino has been thoroughly beaten….. By The Cruel Hand He’s Been Dealt Through The Struggles Of Maintaining Your Own Pizza Business In A Horrible Capitalist Nightmare………

..

1. Pikmin 4 (NSW)

Hell yeah Baby!!! Pikmimn 4 Sweep! If you don’t play Pikmin 4 I’ll KILL YOu you stupid piece of shit!! 

Pikmin is doomed to be a niche. It’s got a bunch of cute little men walking around and a circular dog that you jump on the back of. But it is so brutally punishing that kids are almost certainly going to bounce off it. And the strategy-heads that would undoubtedly enjoy what it has to offer almost certainly won’t even give it a chance because of the cute little men and the circular dog. This dichotomy, of course, is why I love Pikmin.

I began the year in preparation for Pikmin 4 to finally play the original Pikmin on GameCube. Previously, I had one playthrough of Pikmin 3 but it honestly didn’t do all too much for me for whatever reason. So I wanted to go all the way back to the most busted up, brutal game in the series so I could understand the appeal. Within the first hour of play, all of my Pikmin had either been drowned or crushed by a giant Bulborb because I had no idea what I was doing. And that game has a strict time limit, so you can only fuck up so many times before you get a genuine game over. 

So what’s the appeal? Well Nintendo finally found a word for it in the marketing for Pikmin 4 that probably doesn’t exist in English so they just said fuck it and used the Japanese word anyway: “Dandori 段”. Basically being able to manage your tasks and resources in a timely fashion to reach maximum efficiency. Pikmin 1 forces you to figure this out to some degree or else you’re not getting home. And with the limited scope of that game’s levels, Pikmin types, and enemies, I think it’s a great way to learn. Each Pikmin has a clearly defined use case that directly corresponds with their color, and the obstacles in your path are easy to understand in relation to those basic abilities. Need a powerhouse that can take quick work of this giant beetle? Red is your go to. A ship part is stuck high up? The lanky and tall yellows are your guys. Water? Blue. You get the gist.

The problem with Pikmin 1? And every other Pikmin game for that matter? It’s not enough. It needs more. I’m cool with short games but Pikmin 1 can be beaten in like 3 hours. Pikmin 3 is like 10. Usually more content isn’t what makes a game “gooder” but I do genuinely think that the short run time of previous games made this idea of Dandori harder to tap into on a single playthrough. How did they fix this in Pikmin 4? 

WEll, my friend, they did this through VARIETY OF MODES!

The main story of Pikmin 4 is basically the 10 hour tutorial. A gentle romp through all the major areas, some largely easy enemies, no game-long time limit, heavy tutorializing, an introduction to all the Pikmin types, basically baby’s first Pikmin. Even if you only play the story, you have so much to sink your teeth into. The above ground areas are as fun as ever, with the addition of Oatchi as a Pikmin platform AND a way to introduce platforming into the Pikmin formula being such an obvious and fun addition. Caves return from Pikmin 2 as a break from the time-limit imposed by the rest of the game, allowing for some tighter combat sections and the satisfaction of scouring an entire area and getting 100% item completion. Dandori challenges scattered throughout the levels provide a taste of that hyper-focused time limit gameplay from Pikmin 1, forcing a greater degree of focus and understanding of the mechanics and design than in most of the rest of the game. Nighttime missions morph the usual Pikmin gameplay into more of a tower survival type of thing, protecting key areas while using the uniquely powerful new glow Pikmin. And each of the major areas all being in the garden of just somebody's house that you THEN get to go inside in what is by far the most unique level in a Pikmin game is some serious chef’s kiss type beat.

So that’s all well and good for the base game. But the post game? The post game? This is what takes Pikmin 4 to legendary heights. I CAN’T EVEN WRITE HERE everything I want to say because I KNOW YOU HAVEN’T PLAYED THIS GAME, and it was so joyous when I had these experiences blind. What I will say is this - this idea of Dandori and your understanding of it will be tested in some of the late game Dandori challenges. Entirely optional content by the way, nothing needed if you aren’t fucking with the idea of being an ancient Dandori master or anything. But this is the type of thing I live for in games. Mechanics and design being stretched to their limit, pushing your boundaries and forcing you to execute nearly perfectly to get the win. Usually uber-hard platformers are all that get this type of reaction out of me. Maybe I should be a strategy gamer? Am I finally ascending to be the Total War XCom Starcraft freakazoid I was always meant to be?

Maybe it was the surprise in how much I was enjoying Pikmin 4 for my entire 40 hour playthrough that gets it this high on the list. A marriage of gorgeous presentation, compelling mechanics, and content out the ass that no other game this year quite reached for me. DLC for this game is a must buy. Honestly, I might just play this game again some time soon, I need to make sure my feelings about it aren’t a fluke. 

And most importantly, YOU (yes, YOU, not the general ""you"") need to play this game. I DO NOT CARE if you have a Switch. DOWNLOAD THIS GAME FROM NSW2U.COM AND DOWNLOAD THE YUZU EMULATOR AND SEARCH ON GOOGLE “Nintendo Switch Keys Download” TO PLAY THIS GAME FOR FREE ON YOUR COMPUTER. Maybe you won’t even love it but DAMN IT I do. I’m glad Pikmin got another chance and for that chance to be the most feature-packed and gloriously executed game in the series by far. Hope this isn’t the end for our Pick-ed Men… Hope they don’t throw my colorful men in IP jail for 10 years again… Hope I can say hi to my good friend Olli mare one more time before I’m old and gray………

Thats it ok bye

[bellenthigale]

PANG PANG STAYC

Reality shows of idols have become increasingly popular in recent years. These shows are often seen as an opportunity for fans to get a glimpse into the lives of their favorite celebrities‚ while also providing an entertaining form of entertainment. But what is really the purpose of these reality shows? The purposes of these shows is to provide an intimate look into the lives of famous celebrities and to entertain the viewers. Fans and viewers get to see what their idols do on a daily basis‚ how they interact with each other‚ and even how they deal with different situations that arise. They feature fun challenges and activities that bring out the personalities of the idols‚ as well as exciting drama and suspense. These shows also provides an opportunity for viewers to learn more about their favorite celebrities‚ as they get to see them in their natural environment. Reality shows of idols also provide a great platform for entertainment. These shows often feature funny moments‚ interesting challenges‚ and other exciting activities that viewers can’t help but get wrapped up in. Additionally‚ many shows feature a variety of celebrity guests who can provide an interesting perspective on the show’s topics. Another key benefit of reality shows of idols is that they can help to promote the careers of the idols that appear on them. These shows can be used as a platform to promote new and upcoming music‚ movies‚ or other projects that the idols are working on. In addition‚ the shows also offer a great opportunity for viewers to get to know their idols better‚ which can help to create a stronger connection between the idol and their fans.

안녕‚ Swiths! Have you seen the most recent twitter update from @/M2MPD? Should I call it X instead‚ or should I not? As you can see‚ Twitter has undergone a recent rebranding and has a new name. I’m already accustomed to the word “Twitter”‚ therefore I may need some time to get acclimated to this updated and revamped application. Two videos feature us‚ STAYC‚ performing the “Poppy” dance challenge on the beach. While Sumin언니‚ Sieun언니‚ and Yoon were in the second video‚ I‚ Seeun‚ and J were featured in the first video that was posted earlier. The challenge involves us on uploading a video of ourselves doing the “Poppy” dance challenge‚ which is still present up until now. This is such an enjoyable and original approach for us to spread the word about our music and be noticed. Even though “Poppy” was released last year‚ SWITHs‚ other artists and kpop fans from all across the world have been still taking part in the challenge up until this point. This challenge was created to celebrate the release of our japanese single‚ “Poppy”‚ which was released on 23rd of November 2022. Many people have commended the song’s lively and enjoyable style. This challenge was also developed to promote both our reality show “Pangpang Stayc” and our impending mini album‚ which is scheduled to be released on August 16 of this year. I have no doubt SWITHs can’t wait to hear more from us as this album and reality program are both much anticipated. M2MPD accepted the challenge and sent a tweet about it. A few people have liked the message, and it has received a lot of retweets. The challenge was picked up by @/M2MPD‚ who shared it on their Twitter page. The post has been retweeted by many and has been met with an some positive responses. How about the others out there? Have you already done the “Poppy” dance challenge? The song might be old now‚ for you‚ but don’t you worry‚ “Poppy” is still active up until now. If you still haven’t done the dance challenge‚ well‚ this is a cue for you to do it right now‚ publish it online and let the world see you dance!

With the debut of our new reality program‚ ‘PangPang STAYC’‚ which will accompany us on a groovy‚ dream vacation full with games‚ missions‚ foods‚ and more. We are providing viewers with an inside glimpse into our lives for the first time. SWITHs‚ are you ready? With our first solo reality show‚ we are going to make a big mark in the world of K-Pop. ‘PangPang STAYC’ promises to be a thrilling show for K-pop enthusiasts and for our dear SWITHs‚ as it provides a distinctive look into the K-pop industry and our lives. As we discuss our experiences and lives‚ this show will also provide viewers a chance to learn more about each of us personally. It’s an interesting look at how we are marking in the K-pop industry. The first episode of ‘PangPang STAYC’ was already released 11 days ago and the second episode was also released 4 days ago. If you have nothing to do and want to do something‚ you can watch the first 2 episodes of ‘PangPang STAYC’! You will surely enjoy and love it. We hope ‘PANGPANG STAYC’ will help us launch into K-pop and give us a platform to showcase our talents. Before the release of the first two episodes‚ M2 and MNET released several trailers for the show‚ and it has been well received by fans and the media. These trailers have provided a glimpse of the fun and excitement that will be a part of the show‚ and we’re ready and excited for the other episodes to be released. In addition to showcasing and promoting our music and creative process‚ ‘PangPang STAYC’ will also gives viewers an insight into our personalities. Through conversations and activities‚ the show reveals our personal styles and preferences‚ as well as our relationship with each other. ‘PangPang STAYC’ is definitely a great way for SWITHs and viewers to get a personal and close-up view of our lives. It’s an interesting look at how we create our own unique sound.

Before I finish this update‚ it may be out of context‚ but last night the highly anticipated trailer film and photo for our upcoming 3rd mini album‚ “Teenfresh”‚ was released. The photo released along with the trailer shows our main vocalist‚ Sieun언니‚ wearing a colorful outfit‚ surrounded by colorful backdrops and a mysterious atmosphere‚ standing in a room of vibrant colors. Sieun언니 looks so beautiful and confident in the trailer photos and film‚ which is sure to get SWITHs excited for the upcoming new album. Following our schedule‚ our company has released the trailer of our next 3rd mini album‚ “Teenfresh”. You guys needs to check out the trailer film and photo! After that‚ you can let us know what you think. Our expected and anticipated comeback is already fast approaching‚ SWITHs! This new album will be released on August 16, 2023 and is sure to be a big hit within the fans and to some K-Pop enthusiasts.