#everything is simultaneously right and wrong

[mortal-ethos]

The first time I started figuring out my gender, I felt very fluid, but due to the rise in transmed ideology and being a kid in an oppressive household and society, I tried so hard to be a man. I thought I had to be a man, and I felt like shit because I constantly was questioning myself, constantly insecure, I did everything I was "supposed" to do and be as a "man" both by the standards I grew up with, and the modern standards I had begun to see and still continue to see amongst "progressive" circles (which was doing everything by myself and taking abuse from my partners because the idea of men standing up for themselves or taking a single second to themselves is pushed as abuse and laziness, so I just. Did everything. And took all of it).

I was the handy man, I Mended the garments, I cooked every meal, I cleaned the house and did the dishes, I was the only one working, I put aside any issues or emotions I had for every person/partner, I was constantly told anytime I showed emotion that I was scary or that I was wrong, that I wasn't allowed to feel the way I felt, that I made problems all the time out of nothing, so I stopped and when I would keep my emotions down during conversations I was told I wasn't talking like a real person, any time I tried to talk about mental health issues I was made fun of so I stopped, any time I had a need I was degraded for wanting something so I stopped expressing a desire for closeness and emotional connection while being told that I needed to talk about my problems more even though they were constantly ignored, I was my partners' wallet, I couldn't have my own interests and always had to engage others with theirs while mine were judged and belittled, not even getting into how much pressure there was on me to "look" like a man. I did fucking everything I could until I broke.

I used to think if I just was a Good Man, if I just did everything asked of me, everything I was told, if I did everything right, if I was only ever gentle and kind and vulnerable, I would be happy. The pain would go away, I could be myself, and I could make everyone else happy. I could show what a Good Man was, I could be better. And I tried so hard. But I broke. I wasn't a good man. I couldn't do it. I broke down wondering what was wrong with me. Why was it no matter what I did, it wasn't enough. I would never be gentle enough, kind enough, skilled enough, strong enough, communicative enough, stoic enough, happy enough, rich enough, I would never be enough. So I gave up and I asked myself, who was I trying to be enough for? For people that don't know me? For people that don't care about me? For people that would never understand me anyway? Why was I never happy, even when I did everything asked of me... Why was no one ever happy with me?

Why was I STILL NOT MAN ENOUGH.

So I said fuck it. Who am I being a man for. My gender shouldn't feel like a fault in my personhood. And I let myself sit with it for a while. I asked myself, why do I still connect with my womanhood, with the lesbian community, with girlhood, why is this feminine rage still inside me intricately entwined with my masculine transness? Why, when I talk about women's issues, why do I have to choke down saying "we" and "us?" Why, when I feel like a man, is it strongest when I'm helping the ones that I love? What about those days I feel like neither, the days I feel more connected to the moss beneath my feet, to the shadows of tree branches, to the smell of rain, to the sound of boots on pavement, to the metallic taste of blood, to the ones that wear masks? What about those days I feel like I don't want to decide, I don't want to settle on one thing, where I feel like the planets in orbit, all circling each other simultaneously, each rotating themselves? The days where I see myself on this earth as intimately woven into the fabric of existence, when I experience creation and make myself into a new person for that moment, a new color unseen, a new emotion unfelt, a new breath never shared?

I'm not a man, or not just a man. I'm not just a woman, I'm not just non-binary. I tried fitting my experiences, my existences, into one singular label. Into the label that was supposed to be right, the one that was easy, the one everyone else is. I felt like my gender queer experiences were a gender failing, a pathetic flailing attempt at transness. I wasn't man enough, but I had to be because... I thought that was my only option.

Anyone thinking being non-binary, being gender fluid, being agender, bigender, gender queer, is all just part of the process of eventually settling into a binary identity is so, so wrong. I am not lost or confused. I didn't lose myself, my transness, my queerness, in the fluidity. I found my way back home.

when nonbinary people discover they are actually transgender binary, i wish them all the best, but i cannot STAND when they dismiss their previous identity as illegitimate. sure, maybe it wasnt you, but nonbinary is still real and valid.

i remember when a nonbinary content creator i really resonated with came out as a trans man instead, he started saying that nonbinary is "only a stepping stone to being the opposite binary!!" and that its "just a pipeline effect and nothing solid :)" i had recently separated from my long term partner due to identity related reasons and i was feeling insecure, finding community online. i questioned myself for months then, forcing the idea of being binary onto myself in what was admittedly an ocd spiral. its not his fault but i feel if you make queer content you kinda owe it to your audience to not spread false and harmful narratives about it

this is exorsexism.

i've seen it time and time again that previously-nonbinary content creators come out as binary trans and suddenly become really exorsexist in their stance, behaviour, language. this stuff never hurts their following though and nonbinary people who point this out usually end up being accused of transmisia and "being too sensitive". meanwhile people act like our genders are time bombs.

[suniix]

mission accomplished | bucky x agent! reader

synopsis | when a mission goes awry secrets are revealed, some more awkward than others

word count | 4.2k

warnings | mentions of blood + injury, light violence

note | this is me trying to get back into writing. it’s also my first time writing for bucky i hope it’s good 💔 also also, i haven’t watched anything after endgame so bear with me (im catching up i swear) i mostly wrote this at 4 am so forgive any errors 🙂‍↕️

The only reason you accepted this task was because during the mission briefing it seemed like a quick and easy job.

It totally didn’t have anything to do with the super soldier currently sitting across from you.

“Alright you two,” Sam called out and you felt the jet begin its descent. “Stick to the plan and we’ll meet at the extraction point.”

Right, the plan.

When Natasha first approached you for the job you were speed walking to a mission briefing you were almost late to. You found it a bit odd considering you almost never go out for missions. You weren’t exactly a field agent, only being called on for low stakes undercover tasks since you were an unfamiliar face or subbing in for those that couldn’t. Otherwise, you just worked behind computers.

“It’s simple; you get in, grab the files, get out.”

You rolled your eyes before looking down at the file she handed you. “It’s never that simple Nat, you know that. Besides, I have things to catch up on here.”

She wasn’t entirely wrong for thinking that. Based on the brief glances you gave the file it was essentially retrieving information in an abandoned hydra facility. If everything went according to plan, which almost never happened, you’d be back that same day.

The meeting room came into view and you handed her back the file. She accepted it with her usual smirk, that kind of smirk that meant she knows more than she’s letting on and made your stomach twist in anticipation for what she had planned.

Before opening the door she paused. “You sure you won’t change your mind?”

You didn’t respond, casting her a nervous look as you debated skipping the whole meeting. She chuckled before opening the door, letting you enter before she followed you in.

Safe to say, you changed your mind once you realized who else was assigned to the mission.

“Hey,” Bucky called out from across from you. He was already out of his seat. “You okay?”

“Yeah! Sorry, I just zoned out for a bit..” You quickly undid your seatbelt and started grabbing your things while simultaneously trying to ignore the embarrassment warming your ears. Regret settled in your chest— there was no way you’d be able to get through this mission undistracted, not while Bucky was here.

You heard Sam laugh from somewhere in the front. “Eyes on the prize people, can’t afford any distractions.”

He was right. You had to focus on the mission.

You felt the jet settle and begin to hover before a side door automatically opened. You glanced over and despite the darkness you noticed the area was different from what was shown in the mission briefing.

“I thought the drop off point was closer?” You yelled, hoping Sam heard you over the harsh winds.

“I looped around but didn’t see a clear landing spot, this is as close as I can get. You two are going to have to jump.” Sam yelled back.

You heard Bucky curse from beside you and you couldn’t help but let out an irritated sigh.

Great start to the mission.

You peered out the door to take a look at the drop. It wasn’t too bad— for a super soldier. There’s no way you’d be able to land safely, not without taking a few branches to the face on your way down and possibly breaking a bone or two. It was too high to jump regularly and too low for a parachute. You looked around, hoping to find a rope to throw over before Bucky suddenly jumped out without warning.

He landed silently with the skill only a trained soldier would have before gesturing you to follow, holding out his hands. You could faintly make out the words I’ll catch you and you swore your heart jumped out the plane without you.

There was no time to argue—the more time Sam spent hovering in the air the more likely it was that you would draw attention, regardless if the area was abandoned or not.

Trusting his words you jumped, feeling the harsh cold bite from the wind before it was quickly replaced with the warmth only another body could provide. He held you securely while you remained stiff as a board, still processing what you just did.

“Do you always jump out of planes without warning?” You tried to joke in an attempt to calm your racing heart. While your heart might’ve jumped out the moment bucky offered you his arms you were pretty sure your soul was still on the jet.

“Only when I need to.” He responds, gently setting you down and letting go when he’s sure you can stand on your own.

Your earpiece buzzed to life, catching the last bits of Sam’s laugh. “Alright, have fun you two. We’ll meet back in a few hours.”

With that Sam took off, leaving the two of you alone in the woods to walk the rest of the way.

Since joining to work with the Avengers one thing has been engraved into your mind.

Things never go as planned.

It should be obvious—plans change, especially in a field like this. You’ve learned how to adjust in order to accommodate those changes. Most of the time the information you receive before a mission is current, having been verified by multiple agents.

This was not one of those times.

Despite its run down appearance it turns out the facility was in fact not abandoned. You and Bucky quickly realized that once you began to get shot at.

“Fuck!—” You pulled back behind a wall as a bullet hit your side.

To your left across the hallway Bucky shot you a quick glance. Without saying anything he picked up a body that was nearby and used it as a shield against the bullets to cross the hallway and get to you.

“Shit, you okay?” He asked, waiting for the rain of bullets to end before he attempted to peek out and shoot back.

“Yeah totally.” You groaned, attempting to sit up but failing. Earlier, when you two were first noticed, you took a few hits while fighting. Later, your arm was grazed. You didn’t feel it at the moment but now the adrenaline was beginning to wear off and your eyelids were growing heavier by the minute. The blaring noise of the alarm wasn’t helping with the headache you were beginning to develop. You briefly remembered Sam’s words; had you been that distracted?

“Sam, do you copy?” Bucky asked, quickly attempting to shoot the assailants down the hall.

All you heard back was a jumbled mess of words followed by static.

“The walls must be messing with comms,” You groaned, handing him your gun when you noticed he was out of amo.

The stalemate continued for a few more seconds and you could tell Bucky was growing impatient. You two were outnumbered, Bucky would eventually run out of bullets and the agents would eventually close in. You instinctively ghost your hand over your blade to make sure it was still there—it was. There was no way you could fight and Bucky wouldn’t be able to defend both of you forever, but you’d sure as hell try.

Without warning Bucky slung your uninjured arm over his shoulder and began quickly dragging you down the hallway.

Left, right, left, right?—

The frequent turns he was taking only worsened your headache. You wanted to ask if he knew where he was going before he made a sharp turn and pushed past a door just as the footsteps approached. The two of you remained completely still, listening as the footsteps of the soldiers quickly passed by. Once the sound of footsteps disappeared you let out a sigh of relief and fully leaned against the wall before sliding down.

“Finally..” You breathed out, clutching your side. “I thought that only worked in movies..” You mumbled before shrugging off the outer layer of your outfit in order to look at the wound at your side and use it to absorb the blood.

“What?”

Before you got the chance to respond a whirring sound echoed from within the door followed by a harsh click. Bucky wiggled the door handle, but it refused to budge.

You immediately sit up in a panic. “Shit— they trapped us?”

Bucky shakes his head. “The whole building is on lockdown. They’re assuming we’re still looking for the exit and locked all doors to prevent us from leaving.” Bucky steps back while narrowing his eyes at the door. You could only assume he was debating whether or not to break it down.

“How are we going to get out? This place is a maze, completely different from the layout we were given..” You groaned, recalling the information they gave you. It’s clear whoever was running this place had made some upgrades.

Bucky looked over at you, eyes lingering on your bleeding side. “Our best bet is to stay put. The others will eventually realize something went wrong when we aren’t at the extraction point.”

A wave of guilt washes over you when you realize why. You put more pressure on your side, wishing the bleeding would stop entirely. “Eventually?..”

Bucky doesn’t respond, only crouches by your side before gently wrapping his hand around your wrist. “Let me take a look.”

You hesitantly allow him to remove your hand. He’s close, closer than he’d normally allow himself to be around anyone. He stares at your side for a moment longer, an unrecognizable emotion swirling around his blue eyes before he firmly places your hand back.

You know the wound is slightly deeper than the one you received on your arm, but nothing you couldn’t recover from. Still, it didn’t help the fact that it hurt like hell.

“So, how bad is it doc? Am I going to live?” You chuckle before wincing at the motion.

Bucky keeps his hand over yours. “You’ll be fine, just keep putting pressure.”

You nod and he slowly slips his hand away. You momentarily mourn the loss before he sits down next to you, keeping himself between you and the door. The distance is short, still close enough for your knees to brush if anyone moved, close enough to smell whatever cologne or shampoo he used.

“I need a coffee after this..” You mumble, attempting to sit up now that you were beginning to feel an ache in your lower back.

Bucky raised a brow. “A coffee?”

You nod. “Yeah, I always drink one in the morning, but not today.”

“Why not?”

“I was running late.” You breathed out a laugh, remembering your first encounter with the super soldier.

The first time you met him was early in the morning. You were running late for a meeting, because there was no way you would be able to get through the day without your coffee, and quickly turned a corner when you suddenly crashed into someone.

Your coffee spilled all over your clothes.

“What the!—” You immediately stopped once you noticed who you crashed into.

Sergeant James Barnes, or rather, Bucky as most people called him.

His mouth was moving, likely apologizing, but nothing was registering in your head. His eyes were furrowed and apologetic, his hair pulled back, and his skin shiny like he just came back from a workout.

Being this close to him, you realized he smelled surprisingly good.

Your gaze shifted behind him when you noticed a clock hanging on the wall, its ticking taunting you.

“No no, it’s fine! It’s just.. I gotta go!” You quickly rushed off once you remembered where you were headed.

Even though you went the whole day smelling like coffee you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at him.

Running late was starting to become a bad habit, you noticed.

“You think there’s a chance they’ll figure out something went wrong before our pickup time?” You ask, gazing aimlessly at the ceiling.

Bucky shrugged. “If we’re lucky then they’ll already have figured it out.”

The silence that ensued wasn’t awkward, if it was you were too tired to notice. You looked around the room for the first time since you entered and noticed it looked completely unused. The room itself smelled stale and filing cabinets lined the walls with a few drawers left halfway pulled out. Whoever was here last left in a rush—you wonder how long ago that was.

Long enough for the layout to be completely changed. You hope you’ll remember to reprimand whoever was in charge of verifying the accuracy of the mission details.

However long ago that was, it was likely that they expected people to come looking for this place, but they probably never thought two agents would be stuck here waiting for help. You snuck a glance at Bucky. He’s still facing the door, jaw clenched, every part of him coiled like a spring—ready, waiting for something to pass through. It’s clear he’s thinking about something, you wonder if you’ll ever get to know what’s inside his head.

Bucky was only used for very specific missions, and in those cases he was usually accompanied by Steve, Nat, or even Sam. Someone the higher ups knew would be able to ‘handle’ him in case things went south, though they never have (and never will). With missions that required more agents you joined in, but those didn’t happen often. Even when they did, your interactions with the super soldier were limited. It’s not exactly the best idea to talk about mundane things while it’s raining bullets. The only other times you ran into him was during the briefings before a mission or randomly in the tower, and you savored every second. This was one of the few times he was sent out with someone apart from his usual trio and the only time he was sent out with you alone.

Maybe even the last given how messy the situation became.

You don’t know when you zone back into the moment, only becoming aware of it when you realize the alarm has stopped blaring beyond the door. A good sign, maybe they stopped looking for you two. Or maybe they’ve realized where you two are hiding and are on their way to ensure no one makes it out.

At some point Bucky reached over and placed his hand over yours, helping you apply more pressure on your wound. You hadn’t noticed you stopped.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve handled them faster.”

You snap your head in Bucky’s direction. “What? No, it’s not your fault.”

Bucky shakes his head, meeting your eyes for what feels like the first time this whole mission. “It is, the first time you got hit I reacted too slow. And now you’re—” He cuts himself off and looks away, clenching his hands.

You shift uncomfortably against the wall, the sting in your side a dull throb now. You’ve lost a decent amount of blood, you think, just enough for it to be worrisome. Maybe it’s the blood loss, but something you’ve been keeping unsaid is on the tip of your tongue.

Would now be a good time to say it? What would you even say?

There’s never a good time, you realize. Between your desk job, the missions, your rare run-ins with each other— this might be the only time you’re alone with him.

The two of you sit there against the wall with unspoken thoughts until you both decide to speak up.

“I like how you smell.”

“I think you’re afraid of me.”

You blink. “Wait, what?”

Bucky turns his head, brows raised, clearly just as thrown off as you. “Did you just say—?”

The door flew across the room, startling the both of you. Immediately Bucky was on his feet, your gun in his hand, aimed and ready to fire. When the dust settled a figure stepped through the door frame carrying a familiar red white and blue shield.

“It’s Captain America.” You happily cheered, only realizing how loopy you felt after hearing your own voice.

Nat emerged from behind him, rushing to your side. At that moment a wave of sleep hit you, making it harder for you to keep your eyelids open.

What happened after was mainly a blur. You vaguely remember being escorted out of the building and onto the jet. You knocked out on the ride back, briefly waking up when you were being wheeled out. In that small moment you were awake you noticed Bucky talking to Steve, his eyes momentarily meeting yours before he looked away.

You couldn’t forget how sad he looked or the blood that stained his hands, even as your consciousness faded.

You wondered if it was still possible to blame what you said on the blood loss.

Once you woke up, Dr. Cho informed you about what happened. Turns out you were lucky Nat and Steve got there when they did and even luckier that Dr. Cho was there when you were wheeled in, otherwise things would’ve gotten complicated. When you were shot the bullet passed all the way through, meaning you got to skip surgery and head straight into the regeneration cradle.

You healed during the night and were free to leave in the early morning.

Once out of the lab you headed straight to the kitchen, desperate for the coffee you’ve been craving since yesterday. The kitchen is empty, understandably so given the sun is barely peeking past the horizon. It’s the perfect scene for you to reflect on why of all things you had to say ‘I like how you smell’.

While the journey back to the tower remained a blur, what you revealed in that building was clear as day in your mind. The embarrassing secret you revealed followed by Bucky’s heart shattering confession.

You slammed a cup onto the counter.

You kept your hands busy, preparing your coffee, hoping it would distract you from feeling your heart crack. There was no way you would let the conversation end like that. You knew Bucky was never one to talk about his feelings and he likely wouldn’t open up again, but you refused to let the opportunity pass. You had to know why he felt that way and correct him. You had to let him know he was wrong, that there was no universe where you could fear him.

You grabbed your cup of coffee and began heading to your room. Once you were done you would head over to Bucky’s room and—

The sudden collision with something, or rather someone, sent you a few steps back, causing you to spill your coffee all over your clothes.

“I am so—Bucky?”

You pause once you notice who you crashed into and can’t help but feel a sense of déjà vú.

Bucky looks shocked to see you. His eyes immediately look to your side in an almost paranoid manner. “What are you doing up?” He asks.

“I just got out of the lab. I came to get my coffee, but..” You looked down at your coffee soaked clothes.

Bucky winced. “Sorry..”

He rushed over to the kitchen counter, grabbing some paper towels and passing some to you before helping you clean up the spilled coffee on the floor. As you patted yourself dry you figured now was as good a time as ever. “So, what are you doing up this early?”

He paused for a moment, seemingly contemplating his next words before continuing to soak up the mess. “Couldn’t sleep. Tried to let out some energy at the gym.”

Your mouth moved faster than you could think. “Why?”

He didn’t answer, continuing to clean an invisible spot on the floor. He refused to make eye contact. You had a feeling you already knew the answer.

It’s no secret Bucky struggles with nightmares. You heard the screaming before Tony soundproofed every room. You also knew about the mandatory therapy sessions and how every time he came back from a rough mission the lights in his room stayed on just a bit longer, like he was trying to keep something at bay. You knew the mess of the last mission likely didn’t help ease his conscience.

“What happened back there wasn’t your fault you know.” You mumbled, but you know he heard you when he stopped wiping the floor. “I.. I should be the one apologizing.”

That caught his attention. He opened his mouth to respond but you quickly cut him off. “I wasn’t focused, I let my personal feelings distract me. And—” You took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I did to make you believe that I’m afraid of you, but I promise that’s the furthest thing I feel when I’m with you.”

“Most people are afraid of me, what I’ve done.” He whispered, but in that empty kitchen you felt like it echoed against every wall.

“I’m not most people. Bucky,” You crouch beside him. “You have been nothing but kind to me, to everyone. You think your past defines you, but I’ve seen who you are now. You’re always looking out for others and taking the hit just so we can make it out unharmed. You’re different now.”

You hesitantly reach out, gently placing your hand over his when he doesn’t pull away. “You carry all this pain like it's your punishment, like saving people and sacrificing yourself is the price you pay for what happened back then, but you don't owe anyone your suffering, Bucky. You deserve more, so much more."

Bucky doesn’t say anything at first. His jaw clenches, eyes fixed on a crack in the floor like it might split open and hopefully swallow him whole. You can practically feel the war happening behind his blue eyes—old guilt clawing at the edges because of what you just said.

Finally, he exhales through his nose. “Different doesn’t mean good.”

“It does to me.”

He huffs. “Every time we meet it’s like you can’t get away from me fast enough.”

“That!—” You feel your ears burn in embarrassment. He’s interpreted your skittish behavior around him as fear. “—is for a different reason..”

He looks at you unamused.

“Oh come on..” You groan. “I already embarrassed myself back at the building, don’t make me repeat it..”

When he refuses to answer you can only sigh.

“It’s not that I’m afraid of you, I just don’t know how to act around you without making a fool of myself. As you can clearly see,” You point down at your now coffee stained clothes. “If anything I’m afraid of how I feel about you, because I like you, but I don’t want to ruin what we have or pressure you into anything by saying it!”

The silence is deafening. You feel as though the room is on fire as embarrassment continues to course through your body. You contemplate leaving, slowly beginning to stand when Bucky responds.

“And if I said I was afraid of the same thing?”

You freeze.

“I thought you hated me and that made me hate myself even more.” He continued. “With everything I’ve done I thought there’s no way I’d be able to change your mind, to show you I’m.. different now. I didn’t think I deserved it.”

He stood up, throwing the coffee soaked paper towels into the trash. “You never got your coffee, did you?”

“At this point I think it’s a sign that maybe I should stop drinking so much.” You laugh, hoping he doesn’t hear how fast your heart is beating.

“So if I asked you out for coffee, you’d say no?”

Your heart skipped a beat and you’re nearly convinced he heard it when you see a hint of a smile on his face. “I never said that..” You mumbled, fiddling with the paper towel still in your hand.

He called your name and you couldn’t resist meeting his gaze. His eyes bore into yours as he hesitantly approached you. “Are you free later? I think I know a place that sells good coffee. I owe you at least one after, well, everything.”

You quickly nodded your head. “Yeah yeah, today’s good, I just gotta..” You look down at your outfit. It’s the same one you wore on the mission—covered in blood, sweat, and now coffee. “.. shower.”

Bucky quickly nodded. “Me too, I’ll uh.. pick you up at three?”

“Ok,” You laughed, waving at him while walking towards the hall. “See you later.”

Once you turned the corner you nearly let out a squeal, causing you to almost crash into Nat, who wore a suspicious smile on her face. “Nat! You scared me, what’re you doing here?” You place your hand over your heart, hoping it’d slow down. You’ve had enough excitement for the day.

“I had a feeling you’d be here, I thought you’d be alone though.” She snuck a glance behind you, clearing having caught you and Bucky together. You try to ignore her by walking away, but she’s quick to catch up. As you two walked further away from the kitchen she bumped her hip with yours.

“So.. besides getting shot and nearly bleeding out, how’d the mission go?” Nat asked.

You took a moment to think of an answer. You were shot, nearly bled to death in a hydra closet, and you revealed to your hallway crush that you liked how he smelled while he was attempting to have a emotional conversation with you.

“I’m so glad I took that mission.”

thank you for reading till the end! reblogs are greatly appreciated :D

masterlist

[vcnillababy]

CAFES AND COMFORT

bokuto kotaro x shy! reader

clinking of cutlery against plates, the buzz of different groups of friends, families and couples having simultaneous conversations, and of course, the smell of coffee beans and pastries were the reason this particular cafe was so popular— especially in your eyes— the semi-loud atmosphere was oddly comforting, especially with BOKUTO KOTARO sharing his apple pie with you.

the bell above the blue door chimed, signalling the baristas of a new customer. you glanced at the figure, it was a familiar one— one that you could never forget— it was him.

your eyes couldn’t help themselves, gazing at the door for what felt like ages— well, that’s what bokuto told you— he furrowed his brows, snapping you out of your trance.

“pumpkin, what’re you looking at?”

you grimace. this date was supposed to be a chance to catch up— with classes taking up your time, and practice needing his full attention 24/7, this was one of your few chances to talk to each other with no distractions— but right now? your attention was fully captured by the hunk of junk at the counter ordering his meal.

big brown eyes, soft black hair, and sharp features that you recognised. the same features that you used to hold, kiss, and comfort during hard times— his hard times.

you shut your eyes, resetting your memories as you flutter them back open, landing on the owl-like boy in front of you, his golden eyes looking in yours filled with concern.

“sorry, kou..” you whispered in shame.

“who is that? is he an old friend?” bokuto questions, glancing at the counter.

your eyes followed his, landing on the figure that once clouded your mind for days on end. “you could say that.”

“an ex?”

“guess so.”

the once light and breezy atmosphere turned tense and somber. still, bokuto couldn’t help but pry— i mean, it’s his girlfriend we’re talking about! of course he’d want to know every single thing about her ex and how to outdo him in every single aspect— “ended on bad terms, huh?”

you reluctantly nod. “my fault.”

you remembered everything clearly. how he chased you first, how you were too shy to reciprocate, and how he was too impatient and immature to wait until you were ready. but you couldn’t blame him, not when you were so painfully insecure and only felt like you were holding him back from his full potential.

bokuto couldn’t believe it— anything being her fault— she was sweet, always has been. sure, chasing after her took time, but it was all worth the wait.

“mind telling me what happened, princess?” he further inquires, his large hands fidgeting with the teaspoon in his mug.

“same thing that you went through.” she shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“what are you talking about? you’re as sweet as my apple pie!” he flails his arms, exaggerating his point.

you let out a soft sigh, your hands picking at the lint on your sweater. “you know..”

he scoffed, growing tired of the back and forth. “no, i obviously don’t. y/n, just tell me.”

you chew on your bottom lip, slightly reluctant to tell him about your faults in the relationship. “i uh..” would he understand? or would he blame you like your ex did?

it was bokuto. you could trust him— or at least you hoped you could— “i was, like, really shy during the three months we were together.”

bokuto’s golden eyes widened, his head tilting in a mix of confusion and curiosity. “what’s wrong with that? it’s who you are.”

“no, kou— you don’t get it.”

“what don’t i get? you can’t keep saying that and not tell me how to understand!”

“i was stupid, okay?” she snaps. “i-i avoided him cause he was always with his huge group of friends— and they were always so loud! always hollering at us and he blamed me cause i couldn’t talk to him when his friends were around— which was practically all the time..”

bokuto’s hand reached for yours, his touch soft and tender. “baby..”

“soon enough, he got bored of the awkward back and forth, and well..” you pause, not knowing how to continue her story. “when the next school year came around, he finally found a prettier girl— a younger girl— and they started dating under a week of our break up.”

he was quiet for a moment, processing your little story time as he squeezed your hand tighter. “that’s bullshit.”

“what?”

“he— because you were shy? oh, come on!” bokuto lets out an exasperated groan. “he should’ve known what type of girl you were before you two even started to date! why is he surprised that the shy girl he asked out is actually awkward and timid?”

bokuto tilts your chin up, locking eyes with you. “y/n, listen.”

his gaze was stern, in contrast to his usual carefree personality. “it’s not your fault that he was impatient— that he didn’t even try to understand how you felt!”

you shake your head, your eyes fixating on the plate of croissants and muffins in front of you. “but that’s not the problem— i kept avoiding him when his friends were around.. you know how i get when there’s a lot of attention on me—“

“that’s not your fault.” he stops her. “he knew that you’re a reserved person, y/n. and he didn’t do anything to make you feel comfortable around him— that’s his fault. he’s an idiot.”

bokuto’s grip on her chin loosens, instead combing through his hair as a feeble attempt to calm himself down. “he’s an idiot for letting you go.”

“kou, he was perfect back then. everyone knew him, everyone liked him—“

“if he was so perfect, he wouldn’t have done any of those things to you. he would’ve been understanding and helpful— not unkind and condescending.”

he takes a breath, his gaze tender and loving. “he’s an idiot for jumping at the first opportunity to go after a pretty girl. that’s not the type of guy you’re looking for, is it?”

“no..” she whispers, her eyes finally meeting his. “you are.”

bokuto’s lips couldn’t help but twitch into a smirk. “damn straight.”

the coldness in the air quickly disappears, turning to the same calm atmosphere she could always count on it being whenever she was with him.

“you’re perfect to me, alright?” he starts, “you’re smart, pretty, kind, and so, so caring. any guy who’s willing to throw you away is an idiot— which i am not— and i’m never gonna let you go.”

you felt a bashful smile tugging at your lips, your cheeks flushing with a warm hue.

“the chase to get you took months, sure, but it was all worth it.” he grins. “especially when i get to spend my time with you after the ‘hardships’ i endured.”

“oh, kou..” she chuckles, her hand reaching for his under the table. “i love you.”

he squeezes her palm, touch warm and welcoming. “i love you more, darling.”

── .✦

╰┈➤ “if you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one.”

you always thought that you were the problem. that you couldn’t be loved because of your hesitant personality and insecurities despite the positive traits that other people see, but being with the right person taught you otherwise.

with the right person, you could be yourself— they don’t judge you or try to change you to fit their image. you’re you and that’s all that matters.

────୨ৎ────

hii! it’s been a while since i uploaded any fics hehe. i’ve been spending my time watching new shows and movies.

i might start uploading fics for different fanbases (dps, harry potter, wednesday, etc.) but, we’ll see!

[zenigatas-eyelashes]

Chat what do we think happened after Lupin Zero....

Because I highly doubt Jigen and Lupin sat down and verbally acknowledged what Lupin's little "heist" really meant. Because I highly doubt Jigen especially is free from internalized homophobia, a concept Lupin may not entirely understand because of his family. So they're just kind of left knowing in their hearts what they've admitted to each other but neither has the sober courage to take that risk of anything more concrete than maybe holding hands in the dark, laying side by side.

And when they're older teens? When Lupin is left wondering why they haven't kissed yet or why Jigen always pulls away after any prolonged moment of too soft, too overtly romantic moments and acts distant. Why they never talk about it beyond when divulging into stolen liquor and why even then, when Lupin says one "wrong" thing, makes one "wrong" (all to right) move, Jigen bursts out or falls into a somberness.

And don't even get me started on trans (and gay) Jigen. How alone he'd feel, how he can under no circumstances reveal himself, how it'd change everything he loves about their friendship. But they're growing up, Lupin's becoming less niave, more self conscious of what others think– acting more like a teen boy. And there's this risk for Jigen of not being able to just be young boys together, but there's also simultaneously this very palpable risk of Lupin just being a boy and well... "boys will be boys." And Jigen wonders how long he can keep this up, he knows (and hates) why in his heart he wishes the answer was forever.

In conclusion, they're everything to me.

[uncle-alam]

been getting a lot of replies like this from indians and it's like 😭😭. You do realize we speak different languages right. I mean I know Urdu is (to quote my gf) "Hindi in an Arabic trenchcoat" (with some mild Persian affectations) but we are using different writing systems which has probably influenced our accents a bit.

For instance, as far as I know, the Sanskrit alphabet doesn't have the 'za' sound so I've seen a lot of indians say 'jaruri' and 'jabardasti' instead of 'zaruri' and 'zabardasti' (these are the first examples coming to mind rn).

As for the r/d difference, I'm assuming it happens for the same reason. As far as I can tell for Pakistanis it comes down to trying to translate the ڑ sound into it's English equivalent. Since we tend to see ڑ as a like derivate of an r sound we just write it as r. I am not completely sure why indians choose to write it as a d but I think I can hazard a guess. Maybe, because of your writing system you see it as a derivative of a d sound? I'm not sure, I'll have to double check with a Hindi speaker. Anyway it means that words like 'jhado' becomes 'jharo', 'sadak' becomes 'sarak' and, like in my post, 'ladayi' becomes 'larayi' while 'chhoda' becomes 'chora'. Hence the confusion. Neither party is wrong, of course - roman urdu and roman hindi are not proper languages with established spelling rules -there is so much variation, and trying to reduce our own alphabets so that it can find it's phonetic English equivalent kind of highlights differences in accents across the border. But I hope this at least explained why Pakistanis "type like that".

[yeonban]

I've been watching tons of videos of speeches from serial killers, cult leaders, (confirmed) psychopaths etc today and Tobias does plenty of the subtle things they do, from tone and phrasing to body language. It makes it x100 scarier for me to then look at how Tobias has made every single person he's come across like him to some degree or another, sometimes simply by existing and other times by tailoring his manipulation strategies to their psyche

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

[kisskissgotohell]

i just wanna point out that, like. it's okay to disagree with the main character. just because they're the pov of the story doesn't mean they're infallible or that their word is law? you can like that character that tried to kill the mc. you can think the mc made the wrong choice. you can forgive things that the mc would never forgive, or choose not to forgive things that the mc does, because you're not the main character. you are the reader of the story, and just because you can't change it (and it's not the author's responsibility to capitulate to fans) doesn't mean you can't form your own opinions about it. it's fictional! that's the point! have fun with it!!

[widevibratobitch]

.

[giantkillerjack]

You'd think that even if being fat WERE inherently unhealthy, the medical industry would still provide us the means to survive and to treat illness and injury.

You would THINK that the idea that fat people are inherently unhealthy would lead to more medical equipment being made in big sizes. Tell me why I can't find a knee compression sleeve in a big enough size? Knee pain is like THE thing that people blame on being overweight. And my legs aren't that fat honestly, I feel like a curvy woman who's not fat could have a similar size leg. My legs are not where I carry my weight. It's so frustrating that everything is made for people who carry no "extra" weight at all anywhere.

[spxllcxstxr]

Being in an Established Relationship with Jayce and Viktor • Headcanon

(Gif not mine)

Request: I am desperate for more Jayce x Viktor x Reader content! Would I be able to request headcanons for what an established relationship with them would be like?? 🥺 -- @spatialwave

Warnings: gn!reader, first time writing arcane and jayvik so I hope it's all good!!

A.N: Andy (@spatialwave) has inspired me so much so PLEASE go read their beautiful writing! You need to understand I got this request LAST NIGHT, I just had to bang it out I was writing like a FIEND. I loved writing this so much, I hope to write more in the future!! Hope you enjoy!

•

Being in a relationship with Jayce and Viktor is like being a part of an old married couple that simultaneously bickers all the time and is just falling in love all over again every day

Jayce is like a ray of sunshine on a summer afternoon

He's clingy--but not overwhelmingly so. Jayce just has to have some sort of body part on either of you at all times (except in the lab unless he's feeling especially in love that day)

He loves putting his arms around your waist, chest pressed up against your back and lips ghosting over your neck. Jayce is a bit more subtle with Viktor, since your other partner prefers smaller touches, so their fingers are always tangled together. Some days Jayce will even sneak his hand into Vik's back pocket, making the slimmer boy light up red from the neck up

Jayce is also the type of boyfriend that will always have you two on his mind. He picks a flower from someone's garden to give it to you because "the vibrancy of its color reminded me of your eyes," or buys a little knick knack for Viktor because "I thought you would find it hilariously stupid" (Viktor will put it on his already cluttered desk at the lab because Jayce was right, it is stupidly funny)

Jayce will always get an A for effort because even if he can't remember how you like your coffee or tea, it's the thought that counts

Has bigass puppy dog eyes and he fucking knows how to use them against you two

All he has to do is look between you and Vik with those golden eyes are you're both putty in his hands

Speaking of being putty in hands, Jayce is the cuddler of the relationship

Which is good because he is also the space heater of the relationship too

Will basically have Viktor curled up on one side and you on the other. His face will be buried in Viktor's hair, placing sleepy kissed on his scalp. His fingers will rub circles on the small of your back. Jayce is the best pillow and blanket in all of Piltover AND Zaun

Viktor, on the other hand, is like the moon at midnight

He loves the both of you in a slightly different way than Jayce

While Jayce is more touchy and exuberant with his love, Vik is certainly more subtle, though that doesn't mean he loves you two any less

He is actually exceptionally smitten with you and Jayce. It's like his walls come crashing down whenever you two are with him. He could come back from having a disagreement about a project with Heimer, with his jaw clenched and brows furrowed, and then he'll spot you and Jayce in your shared apartment and it all melts away

Viktor isn't carrying the world on his shoulders with his partners around him. He knows that you guys will lift the hefty weight from his shoulders

While Viktor isn't as touchy ad you or Jayce, he shows his presence in other ways.

Viktor will always have at least one eye on you at all times. It's not that he doesn't trust you two (on the contrary, you two are the only people he trusts with his life), he just needs to know his lovers are ok

Jayce could be tinkering with something in the lab and 50% of Viktor's attention will be on him. Making sure he doesn't shock himself or mix the wrong chemicals together. And if that does ever happen, Viktor drops everything to help him. He masks his worry with wit, but the mask is transparent for you and Jayce

Viktor is also the one with the extreme attention to detail. Your coffee or tea is always right and always the right temperature in the morning. A scarf is always hanging on the coat rack near the front door on chilly days for you. Puts a bookmark in the book you're reading when you unexpectedly fall asleep reading on the couch

He is so big on being a gentleman. Will open doors for you two, pull out seats during a nice dinner. Also is the type to lift up your hand so he can kiss your knuckles (he knows this drives you wild and he struggles to hide a smirk at your heated face)

The three of you are witty and biting and funny in your own ways, quips are basically thrown around every hour of the day. The day isn't complete without someone rolling their eyes. Teasing knows no bounds--the apartment, the lab, a fancy dinner, in front of councilmen and women--doesn't matter

Every day you feel lucky to have these two as your partners, you really hit the jackpot with them. They're caring and attentive and loving in ways no one else is

And they feel the exact same way

•

[yukinohiko]

something about lovesick sae. it’s unfamiliar to him. this feeling of weightlessness and crushing desire that simultaneously squeezes his heart into beats that would make his physiologist fear cardiac arrest.

you wouldn’t know it, of course. to you, your boyfriend is only standing by the doorway of the living room, looking a little too keenly in your direction. you wonder if you’ve got a blemish or a spot of cream from dessert on your face.

“sae? what’s wrong?”

“nothing,” he says. blandly. tonelessly.

so really, who could blame you for having no clue what you were doing to his poor heart?

you hum and pat the couch seat beside you invitingly. he stares, the afternoon light making his eyes glint like seaglass. and he does join you on the couch, though not beside you, rather scooping you up and placing you on his lap.

“sae—”

“don’t complain.” he says it impassively, tucking loose strands behind your ear, cupping your nape with his other hand as though to support you in the position he’s put you in. “you smell different.”

“hmm? it might be my new perfume.”

he tucks his face against your neck, and you can feel his breath. he murmurs, “perfume?”

“strawberries and vanilla,” you say, breathier in the intimacy he’s created between you. you would squirm, if it weren’t for his arm around your waist keeping you nestled close. “I have three others I’m considering.”

“this alone feels like too much.”

before you can rise to argue, his lips are already on your throat. your jaw. his heart is squeezing in his chest. it only feels right, he thinks, to make you feel a fraction of what you do to him. to crush you close, love you, show you everything he can’t say.

[yeonban]

Tsun recommended me a manga bc the main guy is "Tobiascore" and I can't believe how true that is. ADJSAHDSAGHDSAJDASHDJK the MOST Tobiascore caps are under the cut for those curious! (but do bear in mind that g.ore in various forms is present underneath too since some panels include it!)

[weibun-art]

i truly cannot emphasize how correct you are

just leon being normal and eating normal meat in a normal way

[ochacoca]

THE ONLY EXCEPTION

♫ now playing - the only exception by paramore

bakugou x reader

word count: 1,827 words

IN WHICH each time your friends caught bakugou only being nice to you.

a/n: still 'fool for you' just changed the title (≧ω≦)

“i've never seen him so.. calm.”

“right? he's always so uptight.”

the two friends were peering over the couch as they watched bakugou and y/n sleep soundlessly. there was a serene look drawn on his face while he held y/n closely to him, her hand resting softly on his chest as their chests rose up and down simultaneously.

“how come he's so much nicer to her than any of us?” kirishima complained with a pout stitched on his lips. he'd been friends with bakugou way before (two months) him and y/n got together. where was his special treatment?

“they're dating duh. why wouldn't he be nice to her?” mina replied as gazed at the couple with a soft gaze in her eyes. their young, teenage love was truly admirable.

even if bakugou seemed to have a stick up his ass 24/7.

the couple twitched softly in their sleep. it had been a long and stressful day of endless amounts of training, and lord knew that they both needed a break. a thin blanket was all that covered their bodies, but anybody could make out the way bakugou held her waist and the way y/n laid her hand on his chest underneath the sheet.

the usually quiet library turned into a circus as it filled up with bakugou's grumbling, denki's whines, and y/n's giggling. the sight of bakugou repeatedly smacking denki on the head with rolled up paper was an entertaining sight to distract her from her note-taking.

“are you seriously this stupid?” bakugou growled as he peered over the blonde's notebook, erasing and scribbling over any mistakes he made. denki pouted while rubbing his head on the spot that bakugou smacked. “c'mon.. it's really not that easy!” denki whined.

bakugou's vermillion eyes narrowed at denki. “it's basic algebra! how did you even get this far if you can't do simple math?!” he snapped.

denki continued to pout as he grumbled under his breath, something about bakugou lacking basic respect.

“uh.. katsuki?” y/n called out hesitantly.

though he still kept the glare on his face, the way his body language softened was visible, and how his tone contrasted from denki to her was plain obvious. “what?”

she turned over her notebook towards him so he can see her work. “i think i did it wrong.. can you check it?”

bakugou grabbed her notebook and skimmed over her work. “yeah.. here, let me explain.” he leaned over closer to her, close enough to where she can smell caramel on his skin.

denki's mouth fell agape as he watched how the guy went from raising hell on him to looking like he was practically skipping in a field of flowers inside his head. “that is SO not fair! how come you're so much nicer to her than me?!”

“cause she's not an idiot! keep working!”

it was far past midnight, and it was already one thing that izuku couldn't sleep, but on an empty stomach? it made it far much worse. he tried everything in the book from counting sheep to counting his breaths, but nothing could beat his racing mind and the sound of his stomach growling.

izuku didn't want to disturb anyone, but would it really hurt if he just tip-toed to the common room? he sighed as he ran his hand through his curly green hair, quietly making his way to the kitchen to not wake anyone.

but as he walked through the common room, a taller figure appeared in front of him.

“GAH!” he yelped, hastily smacking a hand over his mouth as he realized how loud he'd screamed. “shoto!” he half-whispered. “what are you doing?!”

todoroki stood still, his expression unwavering. “i couldn't sleep.” his direction turned towards the kitchen. “i wanted to get a snack, but i think someone is in there.” he said.

that's odd. it was almost one in the morning, and the only people that izuku thought could be awake fell asleep ages ago. he asked todoroki who it was but he only shrugged, showing he only heard the person but never checked who it was.

he never thought he'd be met with the sight of bakugou resting his chin on y/n's shoulder as she made them snacks.

“at 12:47 in the morning? that's way past bakugou's bedtime…” todoroki muttered under his breath.

bakugou's tone was softer, softer than anyone had ever heard besides y/n herself. “you better not burn it.” he huffed.

y/n giggled, slightly turning her head to face his side profile. “i'm not going to burn our snacks,” she assured. “i'm an expert.”

“expert my ass.”

“hey!”

izuku and todoroki looked like a deer in headlights looking at the scene before them. they wanted to walk away, believe them, they really did. but the sight of bakugou being so domestic was such a rare and amusing sight to see.

“do we… leave?” izuku suggested.

“i don't know…” todoroki answered. “this is really weird.”

bakugou’s head shot up from her shoulder and turned to look at the two voices faster than the speed of light. his ruby eyes were narrowed as he glared them down as his lips curled. “the hell are you guys doing?”

izuku's hands flapped around in a panic. “w-we were just about to leave! i swear-”

“you're very affectionate, bakugou” todoroki said, as blunt as ever.

“shut up!” he yelled, his face turning as a red as a tomato and his hair puffed up. y/n giggled once again at the dramatic scene that laid in front of her. “do you guys want snacks too?” she offered.

“why are you giving our food to extras?” “suki!”

brutal wasn't even the word to describe today's training session. everyone was curled up on the ground, hands over their stomach as it even hurt to breathe. the sounds that filled the room were heavy breathing and complaints. and y/n— was nowhere to be found.

mina, jirou, and ochaco all wandered the hallways, a worried look etched on their face as they searched for their friend. “i'm really worried about her y'know.” mina was the first one to break the silence.

both girls nodded in agreement.

“so am i,” ochaco said. “she just disappeared right after training ended.”

the trio kept wandering the halls, looking in every corner and every turn where y/n could be hiding.

suddenly, through the glass window, they see their little y/c haired friend sitting on the bench, with her fingers intertwined on her lap and her head hung low.

“there she is!” jirou yelled, quickly running to the nearest door to go outside and get y/n while the other two girls trailed closely behind her.

but something made them stop dead in their tracks. the closer they got to the window, the more they were able to see someone elses silhouette sat next to her.

“is that bakugou?”

bakugou's arm was wrapped securely around y/n's shoulders, intently listening to her rambling about whatever she needed to get off her chest.

“i did really bad today.” she mumbled, her voice filled with sadness and frustration.

“and that’s okay.” bakugou comforted her. “one bad doesn't mean you suck. everyone has bad days.” he reassured her, rubbing light circles on her shoulders.

y/n shrugged, playing and picking at her fingers as they rested on her lap. “i just think i’m weak, y’know?” she mumbled once again.

“you're not- hey. look at me.” bakugou squished her cheeks and turned her head to face his. “stop. you think i'd be talking to you like this if you're so weak? hm?”

“no?” she muffled due to how much bakugou was squishing her face.

“exactly. you're strong, so stop putting yourself down because of one off day and keep training.”

“you're hurting my cheeks.”

bakugou let go of her face, lightly patting her cheeks as an apology. “my point is, one bad day doesn't mean you're weak. think about every other time you've kicked ass.”

y/n laughed softly, her face changing from what looked like a kicked puppy to her usual grin. “thank you suki.” she said.

“this is the cutest thing I've ever seen.” mina whispered while clenching her shirt where her heart is tightly.

“who knew the pomeranian could be such a romantic?” jirou teased as ochaco and mina giggled along side of her.

bakugou lightly ruffled the top of y/n's hair, lightly blushing from the way she looked at him with such a lovestruck glance. “you're strong. don't start with that ‘i'm weak’ shit cause i won't hear it.”

“you're so sweet when you want to be.”

“now you're pushing it.”

“why are you only nice to me?” the question caught katsuki off guard.

the couple had been in y/n's dorm room simply sitting in silence, with their legs entangled together and the light noise of the TV playing in the background.

he turned his head slightly to face her, their eyes meeting instantly as she was already looking at him so softly. “why wouldn't i be?” katsuki questioned as his fingers lightly played with her hair.

y/n shrugged, not having a response to his question. it just seemed out-of-character for him. he was the type of person to not let anyone change him, good or bad.

but the crude boy would come to be a puddle of sap when it came to her. even if it wasn't obvious verbally, the ways his eyes softened when they laid upon her was enough said.

“i asked you a question first.” she retorted.

katsuki exhaled sharply, his gaze turning from her to the ceiling as his heart rate sped up a bit. “you're just.. different.”

y/n's eyebrows raised slightly as a smirk stitched itself onto her face. she scooted closer to katsuki's side, leaning her head on his bicep as she stared lovingly at his side profile. “i'm.. different? there's more to that, isn't there?”

“of course there is. you just don't get to know that stuff right now.”

y/n knew that katsuki wasn't one to talk about his feelings. she wasn't looking to change that. but the simple thought of him just looking at her differently from the rest, like shes the only person in every room, made her heart flutter.

“don't think i'm getting soft though.” katsuki grumbled, an arm slipping around her waist as he pulled her impossibly closer.

“you're just… the only exception.”

©LOOKINGFORURAVITY 2024 | please do not copy, translate, or repost my work onto other

TAGLIST: @kaerotica @sweetlike-sugarplum @misfortvne @iridescencefae @awesomesauce-oo @kalulakunundrum

[eyesonlybutterflies]

Rebound, times two

𝘊𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘏𝘦𝘦𝘫𝘢𝘬𝘦

𝓹𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: dom!Heeseung x f!reader x switch!Jake

𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓽: 4.0k

𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰: smut, mention of cheating, drinking (but everything is consensual), tension, praise, petnames, big dick Heeseung and Jake, competitive/competition (and reader is all here for it), possesiveness, desperate reader, Heeseung is so daddy (who said that??) oral (m and f receiving), throat fucking, tit sucking, needy!Jake, hickeys, unprotected sex (pls dont), jealous!Jake, pervy!Jake, sweet!gentleman!amazing!Heeseung, threesome (duh), a little rough?, p in v, slight size kink, face painting, creampie, lmk if i missed anything

18+ 𝓜𝓝𝓓𝓘!!!

𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓸𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

The night was starting to slow down. You and your friends, Heeseung and Jake, had been drinking and playing on your switch for hours. This morning, when dropping off some stuff at home, you caught your boyfriend in bed with another woman. Heeseung and Jake noticed something was off right away and so made plans at theirs to distract you.

After the many hours of sulking, crying, laughing, and so many more emotions and conversations, there are two empty wine bottles and a soju bottle with enough for only one shot left. The alcohol had really kicked in for all three of you, Heeseung was more competitive, Jake was worse and you felt more in your feelings than before. That's how you are, you're a fun drunk until the clock hits midnight and then you become sentimental. Normally in a cute way, like wanting to kiss and hug your friends.

This was definitely not a cute way. Thinking of the times you and your ex used to play games, talking until 3 am drunk, having boxes of pizza laying around lazily. 𝘌𝘹𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥.

Jake noticed the shift in your demeanor, 'Y/n, are you okay?' You nod, trying to swallow the tears that were forming again. Jake turned off the switch, which caused a few groans coming from Heeseung, but those were quickly silenced when he saw your state. 'What's wrong, Y/n?' Heeseung asks with concern. You shrug, eyes a bit glassy, 'I'm just missing him I guess.'

They look at each other, however you're not able to read their expression. They turn back to you and plant themselves to either side of you. Jake gently lays a hand on your shoulder and Heeseung firmly places his on you knee. 'It's okay Y/n, we understand if you want to cry, we're here for you.' 'Yeah, we're always here for anything. I mean, a three year relationship is a long time. It's okay to have some trouble getting used to the changes.'

Slow squeezes and rubs ensue. You know they mean well, and yet you can't shake the feeling that these touches have a double meaning. You know they have always found you attractive; the first things coming out of their mouth when they joined your friendgroup two years ago were, 'Oh wow.' and 'Jesus Christ.' with wide eyes and mouths hanging open.

Contrary to your ex, you never felt the need to cheat, even after acknowledging their beauty. It was always friendly, so it always stayed friendly. Except there is no romantic partner in the picture anymore...

'Thank you guys, I really appreciate it.' You say, reaching for your wine glass as you're in desperate need to escape the overwhelming feelings. You know you're single, but it feels so soon to already feel like this about other people.

As you're taking a big sip of the last bits of your wine, Heeseung and Jake simultaneously lean forward, almost like they cordinated it. 'Here, take the last shot. Think of it as drinking away the last bits of that asshole.' Heeseung say as he's stroking your hair and Jake pours the last of the soju in a shot glass.

A big sigh escapes your mouth as you lift the glass and take the shot. 'Fuck that asshole,' you comment as a weird sense of relief washes over you. 'That's my girl.' A blush creeps up your cheek as Heeseung's words register in your mind. Butterflies flying in your stomach and your core flexing.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬? 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴? You assume it's just the alcohol and the weight of the day. You swallow all the thoughts, including the quiet dirty ones, and stand up. 'I'm gonna go, thanks for cheering me up guys, I really appreciate it,' You smile at them, 'I gotta catch some sleep tho before work tomorrow.'

Just when you're standing by the door, ready to open it, you stop. Where are you gonna sleep? You live with your ex and you're not feeling like seeing him, especially not in this state.

Almost as if the two on the couch can read your mind they ask, 'And where are you gonna go?' You stand there for a few seconds. More so trying to sober up than actually think. That's when you immediately sober up when a hand grabs your wrist and turns you around.

Heeseung is standing right in front of you, his expression exposing a certain satisfaction, but you don't know for what. Jake comes closer too, but he's holding the keys to their apartment. Heeseung gently pulls you in so Jake can lock the apartment.

Due to your intoxicated imbalance, you land right on Heeseung's chest. Your free hand settles right on his chest to prevent your head from hitting him. You look up at him, eyes full with surprise and mouth slightly agape. Heeseung smiles, 'Like it, pretty girl?'

In even more shock you look at him. You try to stammer out something, anything, but you just can't. Right after Jake properly locks the door, he moves to stand right behind you. One of his hands comes to rest on your waist and the other tucks your hair behind your ear. 'Calm down, dear, we just want to show you how much better you deserve.'

'Wh-what's going on right now?' You eventuelly get out. 'Oh baby, we couldn't stand seeing you in that relationship.' 'It looked like he never knew how to properly please you. Did he even eat you out once?' A shriek gets past your lips, 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭? 𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴?

Your bewildered expression brings out a chuckle out of both the boys. 'Y/n, dear, it's so evident he didn't treat you right.' Heeseung states. 'H-how?' 'Trust me, we know how a pleased woman looks.' 'You want to find out for yourself?' Jake whispers in your ear.

Shivers spread throughout your entire body, a part of you feels bad to move on so quickly, but another part of you would fucking love to do it. It's true, your ex wasn't... the best. Never went down on you, focused more on him and only focused on you when your tits were involved. You accepted it all those years since you really did love him and he was perfect in every other aspect.

But the temptation of discovering how far Heeseung and Jake are willing to go, and how far they're willing to go for your pleasure, is growing stronger and stronger.

You nod, and then they smirk.

Heeseung grabs your cheeks softly and comes closer. You shut your eyes really tight and before your lips make contact with his, a small chuckle hits them. Heeseung finds you so adorable; so daring yet so nervous. Once his lips land on yours, you can't seem to let go.

It feels like Heeseung has casted a spell on you and the only thing you can think of are his lips. You don't allow him to stop, or even take a small break to catch his breath. Heeseung clocks what is going on and he can't help but grin. You're so needy.

As your mind is too clouded and the only thing on your mind are Heeseung's lips, you don't even notice Jake softly kissing your neck and pulling your waist closer to his groin. Jake steadily increases the kissing to more hot and wet kisses and slowly starts to grind against your ass, his cock getting more suffocated by the second.

Moans are exchanged from your and Heeseung's mouths, gasping as you finally become aware of what Jake is doing. You latch on to Heeseung's hair for any type of stability. He grunts as he grips your cheeks firmly with one hand, the other going to your wrist trying to release you hand, 'You like it rough, baby?'

Too embarrased, you close your eyes, bite your lip and nod so minute you kind of hope they don't notice. 'Fuck, babe, then you better hold on tight.' Jake murmers from behind.

Jake detaches you from Heeseung's lips and guides you with both hands on your waist to the couch. He spins you around before pushing you. Once you land you finally get to see Jake's face after that whole ordeal.

He looks hungry.

The man in front of you looks like he hasn't eaten in days. Mouth watering, eyes wandering. He licks his lips in a way similar to when you finally get to the delicious desert after a horrible main course. 'God you look so beautiful,' Jake says, unhurriedly closing the distance, almost teasing you. And it's working. Your panties are getting more and more slick and all these praises and petnames are making you go crazy.

Jake is hovering over you now, his face betraying the dilemma in his mind. 'You can touch me.' Eyes shoot up at you and as you two make eye contact, butterflies escape from your belly. He looked good... Like, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥. The starvation in his eyes makes you reconsider everything you've established in this friendship.

'Can I?' Jake asks meekly. You nod and not another moment is wasted before a pair of hands land on your waist. They promptly make their way to your boobs, hands massaging them like they're gifts from whichever god above sent them.

His wide eyes and open mouth snaps something lose inside of you. You swing one of your legs over his lower back and pull him in whilst simultaniously tugging at his shirt. You need friction, doesn't matter of what kind.

'Slow down, baby,' he pants, 'it's not your turn yet.' He slides his way down. His hands grab the back of your thighs firmly, showing you who's in charge. Without warning, he pushes your legs up to your chest, making you yelp. He pushes his face into your clothed cunt, licking at the spots that got stained from your wetness.

'Fuck, yes Jake,' you can't help but gasp. His hands are kneading your legs, his tongue sliding past you slick folds and swollen clit and sending vibrations from the back of his throat to your core. Jake's eyes are closed, really concentrating on making you feel good, but your eyes are strictly on him, anticipating every move.

Eyelids slowly rise, revealing a pussy drunk expression. It quickly turns into a wide smile, 'Was that good?' 'Good? You need to fuck her with your mouth 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 a piece of fabric in between, dumbass.' Heeseung sputters from a distance. He's sitting in a chair opposite the couch, manspreading and observing. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰...

Sudden movement makes your head snap back to Jake as he's effortlessly ripping off your pants. Once you're laying completely bare in front of him, he dives back in. His tongue slides between your folds and holds eye contact with you at the same time. A moan slips out and you grip his hair and let your head fall back. Jake leaves little kisses on he border of your hole, but eventually lands on your clit, swollen, red and aching for touch.

Small licks turn into kisses, however when you let out a whimper Jake's demeanor changes and he starts suctioning your clit. Swirling it with his tongue and moving it with his mouth to get your nerves really stimulated. 'Y/n, you taste so good baby,' Jake groans against your heat, 'will you be good to my tongue?' You nod hastily, not wanting anything else but to get tongue fucked by your friend with a beautiful and filthy mouth

Just when you feel Jake's tongue slide in, you feel an extra set of hands settle on your shoulders. You look up, noticeably enjoying the pleasure by the dazed look on your face. Heeseung chuckles, 'You're enjoying this, princess?' Only thing you can do is nod with starry eyes and a loose jaw.

Heeseung looks you deep into your eyes, picturing it in his mind so he can think of this moment in the future. He takes your jaw into his hand and bends down to place a soft kiss on your lips. He just wanted to tease you a bit, but you were desperate. You grab the back of his neck and continue kissing him. You feel his lips curl into a smile as the kiss deepens fast.

A whine falls from your lips as Jake hits the sweet spot inside you with his tongue, sending shivers down your spine and making you lightheaded. In return, Heeseung softly bites your lip to regain your attention which he quickly gets. He pulls away and says, 'You'll focus on me now, darling. His time has ran out.'

The clasp of his belt is briskly undone and his pants slide down in a swift motion. Even though he's still wearing boxers and you're seeing him upside down, you can tell he's big. He strokes your cheek following the look on your face, 'You can handle it, babe. I know you can.' You gulp before preparing yourself for what's to come.

As if in slow-motion, Heeseung takes of his boxers and his hard, thick, throbbing cock hits his stomach. You almost instinctively reach for his dick, and Heeseung doesn't stop you. With one hand still on Jake's hair, you start to slowly rub his tip. You keep your eyes on Heeseung's face. Every twitch, gasp and surpressed moan going straight to your pussy.

Slow strokes and small rubs to the back of his tip makes him wanna give in and just fuck you right now, but he doesn't. He forces himself to enjoy you jerking him off, even when your attention isn't fully on him. The only thing keeping him together are your eyes, your beautiful eyes, looking straight into his. Eyelashes shuttering so prettily without you even forcing them to do that.

Without warning, your strokes become deeper. Heeseung's cock jerks from the sudden pressure and a moan slips out. 'So pretty,' you manage to get out. Heeseung's mind becomes foggy, everything is starting to blur. He knew you had an effect on him, but this big? No, no he didn't know how much power you have over him.

As your pace starts to increase, you reach out to catch his balls in your mouth. The sight is so beautiful, a low groan slips from Heeseung. Your tongue swirls around his balls, getting them completely soaked in your saliva. Your mouth leaves his balls and the immediate cold has Heeseung whining for more.

Not long after, you plant kisses all over his balls. His length now slightly resting on your face as your hand is playing with his tip. 'Shit, baby, let me fuck that pretty mouth please.' Your face beams, you're loving every second of Heeseung's desperation.

However the eye contact is broken as a whimper comes out of your mouth and your eyes shoot to the man in between your legs. His eyes dark as he softly bites your clit again. 'Is it time to fuck your sweet pussy?' Jake questions with his voice so low, it rasps a little. 'Fuck, Jake, put that cock in me,' you give him exactly what he wants.

His poor dick has been grinding against the couch, wishing to be in Heeseung's position for far too long. Your pussy tastes amazing, but the way your hole clenched his tongue as he tongue-fucked you made his self-restrain grow thinner and thinner. His clothes are off in a second and as he's pumping is already leaking penis, he watches you and Heeseung get undressed too.

Once it's time for your bra, both Heeseung and Jake watch you like wolves examining their prey. You're not dumb, you notice them looking at you with such intense, lustful eyes. So you put on a show. Your fingers are slow to unhook your clasp. Once it's unattached, you slip your arms out of the straps, but you hold your breasts as to not expose them prematurely.

'Take them off.' Jake's voice is stern as he's stroking his dick. You smirk before dropping your bra. You hear stubby growls from above and below you. Both boys rubbing themselves, waiting to see what the other is gonna do to you. And then... the moment changes.

Both boys try their best to reach you first, Jake almost climbs over you and Heeseung dips his upper body. They claim their own boob and start making you feel good. Jake is sucking on your nipple whilst moaning into your tit and looking up at you with already fucked-out, puppy eyes. Heeseung is biting your nipple, liking the jolts he sends your body into. Your boobs jiggles everytime Heeseung slightly gnaws at it and it's making the two boys go crazy.

Suddenly, you feel a finger go back down your heat. Jake can't stop touching you, he has to touch you. He starts fingering you again, his long fingers reaching your G-spot, making your back arch beautifully. 'Fuck, oh my god,' your moans come out like symphonies. Heeseung starts to suck so hard on your tits, he's trying to make hickeys, marking you his instead of Jake.

Jake quickly catches onto what Heeseung's doing. You start making different sounds and he's not doing anything differently. Jake can't stand Heeseung's attempt. 'Baby, please let me fuck you,' Jake asks with that innocent expression. You nod your head, needing more than just his fingers.

He pulls back and like lightening positions himself back between your thighs, this time with his leaking cock facing your pussy. Heeseung pulls back quickly too. 'Open up, pretty,' Heeseung lightly taps your cheek. You look back down to Jake and nod. Jake doesn't wait another second to enter you ahead of Heeseung.

It's warm, tight, yet comforting. Jake has to do everything in his power to not cum immediately. He's jerked off to all sorts of scenario's where he's fucking you so many times, but in none of those sessions did he imagine your cunt to be so tight, so good, so addictive.

Right after Jake entered your pussy, you throw your head back and stick out your tongue erotically to invite Heeseung in. All he does is smirk before putting it in. Jake might be the first to feel you, but he's so focused on your insides that he doesn't notice your gorgeous face twisting and scrunching in pleasure. Heeseung gets front row seats to the most beautiful view he could've ever imagined whilst he's getting his dick wet by your lustful tongue.

Heeseung starts of slow. He wants to make sure you can handle two cocks attached to two horny bastards who barely have any self-discipline to not fuck you unruly until the sun comes up. Jake has already lost his control as sweat beads start forming on his forehead. You take it well, face contorted into ecstasy and moans sending soft, low vibrations that Heeseung's dick catches.

Bit by bit, Heeseung increases the tempo. 'Good girl, taking us so well,' Heeseung coos, stroking your cheek that's revealing a slight blush. You grab Heeseung just below the hips and pull him closer. You want more of him. You want all of him. You look up at him with pleading eyes.

'Someone's needy, huh?' Heeseung mocks you, head tilting and a pout slowly appearing. He loves everything that's happening right now. You're getting destroyed by his best friend's cock and you still want more. Your eyes, mouth, hands, everything is begging 𝘩𝘪𝘮 for more. And he gives it to you.

His hands land on your jaw. 'You ready, baby?' He asks in a soft voice while stroking his thumb over your cheek to comfort you. You nod lively. You don't care how hard Heeseung is with you, you need it. You need both of your holes abused by their cocks.

So Heeseung goes at it. His facial expression switched to a more serious, yet horny look. He slams his dick deep into your throat, setting the tone. You take all of him. His penis is so big, you feel him go so deep, you feel the prominent vein on his right side, you feel everything.

Seeing the paradise Heeseung is sends you almost over the edge, and Jake can feel it. You hear Jake curse under his breath as you clench down.

The two of them are fucking you from either end of you, Jake pounding your clenched pussy and Heeseung humping your mouth. The stimulation is almost overwhelming, and you let them know. Your eyes roll back, thighs are shaking and even though your mouth is busy, the muffled noises coming out are as lewd as you can get. Never has sex felt this good.

Jake is going at high speeds, because he has no patience for a slow buildup. His hands on your waist for balance and a steady rhytym. He, however, can't ignore the fact how small you look under him. His cock pulses a little at the thought and the whines start to spill out of his mouth as Jake is slowly starting to lose control. His motions become sloppy and your cunt grows more and more irresistable. He decides to try and disctract himself to make sure he lasts longer.

Wrong decision.

He looks up and sees Heeseung throat fucking you. And you taking 𝘢𝘭𝘭 of it. He can't see your eyes, but he imagines them teary-eyed. Heeseung is a little bigger than Jake, but Jake is confident he can make you feel good like that too.

Next his eyes focus on your boobs. They're bouncing uncontrollably. The sight going directly to Jake's dick. He grabs your tits a little rough, for if he looked at it just a little longer, he'd be sure he would be spurting so much cum, no birth-control could protect you.

The whole scene is so pornographic, Jake can barely keep it together any longer. He speeds up even more in the hopes to get you to climax first, he needs to see you climax first. And it works. The new-found momentum makes your back arch and loud whines escape from your lips. Your head feels light and heavy at the same time, your stomach like it's about to explode and all feeling in your legs disappeared.

Then, something snaps...

Waves of pleasure crashing all over you, your mind escaping into cloud nine, your lower body starts to shake violently, euphoric sensation overwhelms your core, your hands grip Jake's wrist mercilessly, and your mouth completely abandoning it's mission on Heeseung's dick.

Right after, Jake's orgasm came. He continued fucking your even tighter hole, groaning and moaning as he pushed all of his cum deep inside you. He wanted to make sure you could see his marking on you.

Heeseung was the only one yet to cum, but it wouldn't take long. The scene unfolding in front of him alone could almost make him cum. He grabbed your cheeks with one hand, making sure he doesn't lose the wet, spongy mouth he's been pounding into. You happily let him as you see a new animalistic side of Heeseung. He's so determined it's almost making you wet again.

'Mmph, yes, keep your mouth there,' Heeseung grumbles. You suction your mouth a little more and move your tongue along his cock, which is still hitting you in the back of your throat. 'Aah shit, you're gonna make me cum.'

Not even a minute later, Heeseung starts to moan more frequently and you feel his penis twitching. He pulls his dick from your mouth and starts pumping it violently. 'Cum on my face, Hee.'

That's everything Heeseung needed to hear as he releases ropes of cum onto your face, painting it. More moans fill up the room, but it's not just Heeseung. The warmth of his release, the look on his face and the afterglow makes you enjoy it so much, a moan or two slips out.

As all three of you just came, you look at each other. Nothing is said, but smiles are exchanged. 'Do you want us to help you clean up, dear?' Heeseung breaks the silence. 'That'd be nice.,' you say with a sweet smile. The boys gently clean you up as they bombard you with praises and finish the night with cuddles. All three of you already agreeing to do this again.

𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝! <𝟑