#failing to do so is punishable
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Saw art of Celestia with a Twi baby and it inspired me to draw her 'actual' daughter lol. Obssessed with mom Celestia atm
#Celestia goes to meetings with her baby#ocasionally smooches her head and pinches her cheeks#everyone needs to act normal about it#failing to do so is punishable#princess celestia#raven inkwell#sunset shimmer#OBSSESSED with baby sunset#mlp#mlp gen 4#mlp fim#my little pony#friendship is magic#Celestia shows up to a fight with sombra with a baby strapped to her chest
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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I keep saying I'm trying to get back to normal, which for me is having one horrible depressive day every 2 weeks, then back to ignoring everything until the 2 weeks are up again
I think my depressive episode lasted around 2 and a half months,, it's the most pain I've felt in a while, at least in the sense that it wouldn't stop; if I didn't have a distraction, it'd be overwhelming and terrifying.
Right now it's mostly fading back to "normal", but still I'm left feeling pretty hopeless and lost,, this put a lot of my issues on the spotlight for me and I'm not sure how to proceed, I don't know where to start or what to do.
#delete later#I ASSUME the episode is over because I can mostly function again; I think.#Do I even bring up loneliness again. I isolated myself pretty hard these past 2 months#Im trying so hard to push against myself giving up. I wanna give up so bad. I need to Not do that#(not 'giving up' as in killing myself; it does feel like thts the only thing i Can do; but im trying so hard to not think like this because#it terrifies me; i dont want to be there#I mean giving up as in: 'stop bothering to try because I'll just fail anyways'; yknow?#I wanna believe I can do Something.; that there Can be times where I dont fail; where i can be proud of how far ive come; or whatever#thinking these things still is so painful. i hope someday it wont feel like a punishment to fantasize like this#sorry for posting this; by the way. i wanna feel like im talking to someone
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I can't stop thinking of an AU where instead of killing Lenore Dove, Snow has her arrested for her 'crimes' and sent to the capitol to become an avox. A fate that, to her at least, is probably much worse.
Maybe Snow has her work in the tribute center too. Every year she can see Haymitch, and he can see her, but they are not able to touch, or talk. No comfort, just a reminder of what you can't have.
It is a threat, how he keeps Haymitch in line. The reminder that he can, at any time, make Lenore Dove's life worse. Haymitch spends years and years trying to think of a way to get her out, to save her, and keeps coming up with nothing. At least until the main trilogy.
Wouldn't that be, like, the worst, most fucked up, and tragic AU?
#25 years is a long time but he does save her eventually and they learn to adjust to a new world together#Katniss doesn't know why this one avox is so kind to her in particular (she is FAMILY)#I think Lenore Dove would still find ways to cause problems btw. She isn't the type to stop even when her life is on the line.#I am obsessed with the idea that Haymitch has to ignore her because he knows she will be punished if he doesn't#the tragedy of it!! Being so close but so far away#I do think they had a few stolen moments over the years though#I can also see Haymitch trying so hard to be sober when he knows that she might see him.#He succeeds sometimes but when he fails he feels so much shame. even more than he normally feels for her fate.#lenore dove would be so very super traumatized. My girl deserves the world.....#lenore dove#lenore dove baird#haymitch abernathy#thg haymitch#thg#sotr#sunrise on the reaping#the hunger games#haydove#my post#what if he learned sign language for her 🥹
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I've seen the headcanon that Lucanis' mother, Caterina's perfect heir, was actually similar to Illario in some ways. That she was calculating, ruthless, ambitious, obedient... all the things Caterina overlooks in Illario because Caterina sees her favourite daughter's deep brown eyes and quiet, controlled demeanor and careful planning in Lucanis.
But I am also attached to the idea that the opposite is true too. That Illario's mother shared similarities with Lucanis; that she was empathetic and stubborn, with a slight rebellious streak. But she was always outgoing and charming, was more impulsive with her emotions, and was always sharper with her tongue than with a sword, so Caterina only sees her in Illario.
I just love the idea that Caterina can't look beyond the surface and see who her grandsons really are because on some level she can't see past the ghosts reflected in their eyes. She can't see that the quiet brown eyed boy is is more of the gentle hearted rebel, and the one with blue eyes and a shining, fake smile is the ruthless leader who would do anything she asked.
#Illario Dellamorte#Lucanis Dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#I wish we knew anything about their families#Illario's name means happy. You could (and I choose to) read that as meaning his parents' main wish for him was happiness.#What does that say about them as people?#What does it mean that a Dellamorte once looked at their newborn and their only thought was 'I hope he's happy'#I have been thinking about the Dellamortes all morning at work#Lucanis' mother the favourite child the quiet one who learned to turn off her emotions and would do anything to keep her status as favourit#Vs loud emotional Illario's mother the less favourite because she was rebellious and stubborn and tried to be her own person#(as much as she could)#(Also imagining Lucanis' mother sneaking into her younger sister's room at night after she's punished and tending to her#the way Lucanis and Illario will do years later)#I like the idea of Illario's mother being a bit of a rebel because I think a lot of people look at Illario and think disobedient rebel#despite the fact that I think objectively Illario is the more obedient one#he has disobedient rebel energy but in canon he's a follower who doesn't even consider breaking the rules unless it's Lucanis' idea#(until he has Lucanis killed but you could argue even that is him following Crow rules it's just him being who Caterina raised him to be)#I really want to know what's up with their families though. Lucanis is the horse Caterina is betting on. Lucanis' mother was the first of#her children to die. What makes her so sure Lucanis is the best option? Is it just that Lucanis is less like her and she knows she failed?#Is there something about Illario that makes her see him an ineligible? I want to interview her.#anyways I have to go back to work now hopefully this all makes sense I don't have time to proofread anything oops this is how much I ramble#when I don't have the time to go back and edit it down and take out all my irrelevant thoughts
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Anyone else get a little bit nauseous when they watch s2p2 e20 and the powers are going back to people and jays power veers away from the rest. Like it’s just a little thing but for some reason it’s so impactful 😭 i don’t even know why cheby do u know why
oh anon. I do know why : )
It’s because Jay’s entire tiny character arc in ndr for season 1 and two revolves around the fact that he feels entirely alone. he’s lost, he doesn’t fit in anywhere, and he’s so desperate for a family that he’ll follow anyone or anything that gives him hope that he can find one . he hates the administration, but he stays with them because they’re providing him a sense of purpose, somewhere with people , some fucked up place he can call home because he knows nothing else.
but he immediately turns on them when ras goes to him, convinces him that ras cares for him, NEEDS him, because he was once important to ras . he trusts ras blindly because he’s desperate . jay never would have left if ras hadn’t lied to him and used his loneliness and amnesia against him
ras knows what he’s doing too btw . “the merge left him without his memories. lost, alone, and friendless. i found him. helped him when no one else did.”
jay’s lightning diverging from the path of the rest of the elements is sickening to me because it really does signify just how alone he is, how separated he is from everyone else. and it really is especially awful to watch, because of all the characters in ninjago, jay is the one who needs family the MOST . jay relies on people to feel happy, to feel content, and he has no one . he doesn’t even have HIMSELF anymore because he SHATTERED HIS SOUL
if i were him I’d be pretty fucking spiteful right now too … whatever he does next season I am 100% standing by him this has been a long time coming
#this is unrelated#but I think it’s pretty sick that ras didn’t even need to physically punish jay like he did with the rest of his members when they failed#the fact that ‘im disappointed in you’ was enough to do the same amount of damage that violence would have#actually NAUSEATING#and ras knew it too. Thats WHY he did it#ras when I fucking catch you#ninjago#jay ninjago#btw friendly reminder that Jay has severe abandonment issues. like the worst ever. so I can’t wait for how he acts once he gets his memories#back. he’s gonna be sooo fuckeddddd upppppp lmfao he’s never recovering from this. At all
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Been working on some first run Chou sprites for funsies, here’s a handful of the ones I’ve done so far
#keese draws#isat#new game+#comic siffrin#comicfrin#isat siffrin#I mainly just wanted to figure out how chou may express differently than normal siffrin#they are alas far less kitty cat </3#but yeah even in their first run they were generally much lower energy than siffrin mostly due to stress#they are less used to traveling for long periods of time along with the whole savior thing going on#and while they start off generally handling their timeloop situation well enough even by the time they get the second orb they’re Tired man#and after the incident where they lost their eye they’re So ready for this to be over#and they haven’t even hit the wall of their final boss fight yet it took them a long while to get through that for the first time#the main thing is that their party spended most of their journey far more underleveled#for most of the main fights they were able to scrape through since the crew did have some disproportionally powerful abilities earlier than#the isat party would have similar skills (like their first recruit is a full blown shield specialist)#but as they got further and further and the boss gimmicks got more specific and punishing it would get Much harder#in the fight where chou lost their eye they were stuck for Months the first run trying to find a way to squeak through the fight#in game terms basically trying to abuse the consistent rng seed to find a chain of actions that would let them win#long story short the boss basically acts as a harsh punish for their lack of a proper healer#it also for realsies kills people like. during the battle. so the margin for error is slim to none.#basically once it takes out someone it’ll continue to target them and it can’t have its intent redirected#and it’s resistant to all craft types until it’s about to and failed to perform the final blow attack#without going too much into the party comp and how they generally fight just know that even if they weren’t underleveled this would low key#hard counter them since their whole game plan is about redirecting damage and simply killing the enemy before it kills them#so during this first run this fight was actual hell for chou to figure out and poor bastard hadn’t even hit their worst wall yet 😔#anyways that was a whole ramble that had nothing to do with the actual post I’m making. whoops.#point is they’ve earned the right to be low energy and stressed as hell they were Not built to carry a rpg party
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Ok we need to talk about SHE’LL NEVER FORGIVE HIM 😀
I posted a vid and I see that the fandom is really upset about this particular line from the interview and I wanna explain how I see this. Careful: this might light you up
1. “She won’t forgive him” ≠ “She won’t be with him” !!!
They always love to play with semantics, I’ve seen a lot of stuff like this.
June might not forgive the action, like betraying Mayday, ruining the plan, breaking her trust.
But love and forgiveness? Not the same thing.
She can:
• still love him
• understand why he did it
• see how much he’s suffering
• stay with him, even if she’s still hurt
2. “Not forgiving” can be the conflict, not the ending
This is a drama, not a contract. She might say “I can’t forgive you.” Then later “But I still love you.” Then eventually “And god, I can’t live without you.”
That’s a classic arc: pain, struggle, and then choosing love anyway.
3. They’re baiting us and they know it 🤡
Of course they’re gonna say “She’ll never forgive him.”
A shockwave for the fandom.
But what they really mean could be:
• «She’s furious right now»
• «It’s going to take time»
• «She’ll have to work through it»
that’s just Act Two: conflict.
4. June might think she can’t forgive but she’ll grow
This show is obsessed with moral gray areas.
June is always re-evaluating her values.
And she might think she’s done with him until:
• she ends up in a similar impossible position
• she sees how broken he is
• someone tells her what he did for her
• or he does it again, choosing her over everything
Growth is messy. That’s the point.
5. Endgames ALWAYS break before they mend
They separate the OTP. They make it hurt. And then they heal it.
They didn’t give us:
• Nick’s flashback
• his love confession and basically a fucking PROPOSAL
• Paris dream
• the literal “you’re the only good thing in my life” line
• also her yes (?!!) like Luke never existed
• really messy situation with Wharton who abused Nick just like his father did 😭
just to throw it away
This is the lowest point.The part where the audience sobs “NOOOO!” So when the moment of forgiveness comes, we’ll be like OMFG THEY ARE THE BEST SOBBING SCREAMING THROWING UP
It’s not over
#guys I make videos I can’t be delusional I rewatch these scenes hundreds times#they didn’t even want to make him do something really bad 😂#betrayal my ass#he is clearly the victim here not the villain#desperate loving heart#always lonely and unhappy#tried so hard and failed#they can’t punish for that#osblaine#otp#100% endgame#911 what’s your emergency?#the handmaid’s tale#nick june
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Someone special is visiting Jinzhou!
Definitely not because he was so lost he jumped universe. Definitely not that.
And no need to worry, Lee is with Yao right now. Xiang-LEE tasked to give Punchy a little tour around the village while their owners figuring out how to send Lee back.
#i give up#steal a background from ibis because i tried make my own and failed#when will my painting skill improve sob#anyway Xiang-Lee and Punchy are equally cute#so do their owner#kuro games#wuthering waves#wuwa#pgr#punishing gray raven#xiangli yao#lee hyperreal#kurorenji'sart#Xiang-LEE#Punchy PGR
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It's the way that Frank wouldn't let Karen come close to him and touch him/check his wounds because it would be too much for him to take. *P A I N & A G O N Y*
Maybe he was already so worked up over everything (including trying not to obviously listen in a Karen and Matt) that he didn't want to add more fuel to his racing heart, while Matt's standing there to listen lmaooo
#maybe frank is just an embarrassed bb boy.#because i do not buy that's he's over it and wanting to tell her that he'll be doing no more favors.#be so for real.#if that was the actual intent in the moment they monstrously failed their goal.#the punisher#txt#txt: chey#ask#kastle
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The thing about MCU!Thor is that to me he is an A+ student whose favorite subject is mass murder. I bet he got plenty of rewards and praise for it, and it has both inflated his ego for the past millennia and become tied to his self-worth as a result.
Whenever I see Loki's manipulation discussed, it's along the lines of "Thor is stupid/gullible and shouldn't be king because of that" when it should be "Thor WANTED a war. Thor LOVES battle. He's not ready because of this." Loki knew Thor wanted to fight (and hot take: Loki's nudge would not have worked on some pacifist). Look at the murderous glee he has in anticipation during the Jotunheim incident. He's like: (\(^_^)/)
Another instance I can think of is how confident he is at first about getting Mjolnir back, and getting through all those SHIELD agents. He knows he can do it because it's what he is good at and what he ties his self-worth towards. He thinks he knows the rules to get Mjolnir back, but then he learns it didn't work, and he begins to show fear and despair. Tell me it doesn't have vibes of someone that doesn't know how to deal with failure.
I saw something in a fic where his reaction to being called "princess" was because "he thought it was aimed at Loki", and it really ruins the context and misses the point. Thor was EAGER to fight, and took the opportunity with the insult. And I hate this tendency to make pre-T1 Thor a perfect brother to Loki and ray of sunshine. The point is that he undergoes redemption in T1. To say that he didn't need it and Loki just tricked him misses the point. He also gets dumbed down because he's not allowed to be morally gray, so any bad things he did were due to gullibility(e.g. "trusting too much/loving Loki too much"<- that's a kind of flaw that annoys me in characters that are portrayed otherwise good; it's such a cop out) instead of flawed morality.
I think that by making Thor 100% good, he ends up getting very dumbed down. In my experience, unless the fic was written by some Loki stan that projects too much and ships Frostiron (or someone who has a brutish Thor kink in some AU where they're not brothers and it may be tagged with "Dark Thor"), Thor is made out to be too nice. He is basically the perfect brother to Loki and his moral flaws are basically that "he's just a gullible himbo." And I just don't think that was the case, and it also simplifies Thor as a character when his war-like tendencies are ignored.
TLDR: Thor is neither himbo nor brute. But he's not nearly as kind as he's often flattened to be. He should have a dark side.
#im not a fan of most frostiron. i HATE how it's used to absolve Loki and/or Tony as never doing anything wrong#and it often rubs me the wrong way. I avoid Frostiron usually. IT'S SO DULL! Loki wouldn't acccept therapy SO EASILY!!!#mcu!thor#thoughts on precious himbo!thor and dark!thor#precious cinnammonroll thor my beloathed#hot take#i also think some loki fans want loki to be too hypercompetent; but i like him better when he's a bit of an insecure fuckup.#Loki's thing is that he's doomed to fail and gets punished by the narrative.#And yes; Loki is skilled and a good manipulator; but that shouldn't make him immune to error.#fandom wank#thor movies#polished rewatch thoughts from my drafts#i hope i don't sound too wanky
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"Crime and Punishment" by Fyodor Dostoevsky in a nutshell.
His arse is in heavy guilt with the constant fainting (this man got so much iron deficiency)
#sorry i had to do it guys#i think i failed capturing georgy taratorkin's raskolnikov so bad 😭#maybe this is my first try but I'll keep trying if i have the opportunity to draw him again#crime and punishment#crime and punishment fanart#rodion raskolnikov#rodya raskolnikov#rodion romanovich raskolnikov#fyodor dostoevsky#russian literature#russian lit
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Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAu - Q&A
As I said! I totally wasn't scheming :3 @spotaus
But i had to wait until you uploaded your drabble about very sneaky Cross to make sure I got more references and a better idea about his character :D
So... here we are :3 Also yes the name of the drabble is a very bad joke but i thought of it and it was too funny.
*------------------------------------------*
Cross just sits there... He is such an idiot!
Getting caught?! As quickly as he did? that must be a record on how incapable he was.
It wasn't as if Cross had an excuse. Dream and Blue warned him! Warned him that the Knights were very skilled and watchful. That he had to leave as soon as he got the information and plans. Do not linger!
That had been the mission!
Instead he was a coward and just. Took too long. He spend too much time trying to form a plan instead of just acting. And then He tried to solve mysteries himself instead of just grabbing and leaving as soon as he could!
But he just... Cross groans.
He hadn't found anything fitting the brief. He hadn't been able to find anything that spoke about hurting people or raising taxes to hurt the poor or anything!
In matter of fact.
All he found was plans to improve the infra structure. To tax the nobels more and lower the taxes on people who earned less. He found information on how the king had contact with farmers to work on more structures and installations to help farmers recover from the change in weather and to fully utilise the land without exhausting it.
Projects on testing mixed crop planting and stricts rotation schedules to make sure the soil itself wasn't exhausted from nutrients or risks infections or fungi growing which would hurt the soil and specific crops.
There was even this whole program about apprentices!! something about orphans and children and teens on the straights and a way to offer them schooling and housing and even training with the people helping them! That the crown would pay these people for helping those who don't have family to count on!
It is still in draft clearly as it had been covered with sidenotes in this very elegant and curve handwriting. notes about how to pay for it. where to start it. which people to ask for posibilities. but also notes about how to check the children. how to make sure the children and teens weren't use or abused or even worse!
And... well... not too shortly after that one of the Knights just... Sat in the chair and spoke casually... Scared the shit out of him at the time.
How was that dude so quiet?! or so strong for that matter?
How could his magic had backfired so badly?
Cross sighs as he turns to his side. He is an IDIOT. How could he have gotten so reckless?
Drema and Blue would have already been happy with him getting anything back from the king's plans... maybe he just couldnt see the danger in them clearly? Hell if he knows what the state in the country is. He knows nothing about this place.
Maybe the things he saw was a bad thing? Maybe there was some... weird way to make them look bad?
Like.
Maybe there was already little nature? Sure Cross saw a lot of it on his way here but hell if he knows? maybe there is little in the cities or soemthing?
Maybe the nobels are already being taxed a lot? maybe this will make the nobels all poor? and euh.... Cross isn't sure how taxing the poor less could be bad but maybe there is some way?
the farming thing... Well... Cross isn't sure... maybe the farmers don't want him to micro manage or soemthing? maybe the king is being too controlling about it? that works...
The children are obvious. those are vulnerable kids and teens! Who are being used and exploited!! Well... he would have to ignore all the sidenotes about the kids wellbeing... and the notes about banning child labor...
Cross groans. Why is it so hard to see the things he is doing as bad?! Dream told him that Nightmare is corrupted and the thing ruling now is evil and terrible and needs to be removed to save his twin!!
Then why are the plans good? Maybe he is faking it? But why? XGaster never bothered to fake anything... He was just rightfully the king and people should respect him.
Cross frowns as he turns on his side. Ignoring the guard standing well guard outside of his cell. He tugs on the magical blocker on his arm. Making him unable to use his magic to summon any weapon or try to take control over someone elses magic again.
Well... Not like he can try that with the guard guarding him again anyway. Seeing as it is Dust guarding him...
Cross tugs on it again and Dust speaks "Don't bother. Those things can't be removed by the wearer."
Cross freezes and looks over. He thought he had been sneaky enough. The one with the panther mask stares back.
Cross frowns as he turns back to the wall.
The Knight goes quiet again.
Cross tugs on the band one more time. Just to be spiteful. Before laying back and staring at the wall.
Fuck... He is going to die here? Isn't he?
Maybe they will just starve him...
Or maybe they will first torture him to figure out who he works for.
Cross is going to have to withstand it until he dies. He can't give up Dream and the fact he is planning a revolution.
He can't ruin another revolution that could save and help so many people.
He will have to be strong. Not give in. Not even an inch.
"I apologise I took so long Dust. Thank you for keeping watch."
Cross freezes at the new but familiar voice. Cross had heard the voice before. He had seen the owner walk around and had been getting information on him.
The king.
The fucking king.
Nightmare himself!
Why was the king here?!
Sure Cross had been spying and stealing information. But was that really such a big deal to get the king himself to interrogate him?!
Then again... Shed's tail had aparently been removed and used for cat toys...
He is so dead.
A click and the door to his cell slowly creaks open.
Cross's pulse is beating so fast.
Footsteps walking closer. before the door creaks closed. and is relocked.
He is so dead.
A few more steps and then silence for a moment as Cross tries to keep his panic at bay. He regrets staring at the wall.
"I know you are awake. Speaking will be a lot easier if we face each other."
Cross keeps laying there. What does he do?! He can't ignore him. Come on Cross. Be brave. You faced down scarier threats!
'But you had magic back then.' his mind whispers 'You had a way to defend yourself.'
Still. Cross sits up and turns around. Making sure he is glaring. He is not going to give in. "What is there to tell?" His voice holds the challange. He isn't afraid. He will not give in. He is not going to give this so-called king anything!
Nightmare tilts his skull slightly. intrigue clearly. Cross doesn't like the fact that he seems just so... unbothered by Cross. Cross is the enemy! He is sitting in the cell after Nightmare's forces found him snooping around, trying to steal information.
So why is this king staring at him with just intrigued! No rage? No disgust?!
Nightmare speaks again. Seemingly taking his time to think about his answers. trying to be actually truthful? or trying to think of an answer that Cross wants to hear? Wait... Is the king already in cross's head and mind? is Cross already being tricked?
Nightmare's voice breaks him out of his spiralled thinking "I think I disagree. there is a lot to talk about."
Cross tilts his skull upwards. stubborn energy in his soul "I won't tell you anything about who send me or why. No matter what!"
Nightmare looks slightly amused "I don't exactly care about who send you or why."
... what?
Nightmare continues, at his aparently obvious confusion, as he explains "I know there are people who wish to know what I am doing. I know people are scheming against me. It is nothing new. Even a spy as yourself is nothing new." he looks amused "The fact they even send you implies they know close to nothign about me, my land or my home. Or, that they don't care about you at all."
That.. that doesn't make any sense?!
Ngihtmare nods "I do apologise you swore your loyalty to those who know nothing of the target they send you to spy on. Otherwise they would have known that I am aware of what goes on in my castle and land." he smiles "they would have known that my Knights are everywhere and good at their jobs." he shoots Cross a look "They would know that i am aware of who is suposed to work where at which moment."
Cross feels his mind lock up as the information filters in... How... how hadn't Dream known this?
Ngihtmare waves a hand casually "You are a rather inexperienced spy. Not that it matters. As there is very little any type of skill could have done against me and those of mine. Either your employers know nothing of me which means they aren't much of a threat quite yet. Or they were willing to throw you away as some sort of test against me or you. Which just makes me unimpressed with them overall."
Cross just stares at the ground.
The Knight speaks softly "Way to ruin his worldview my king."
a moment of silence before "I apologise. I shouldn't have said those things. You did not deserve to hear those or have to worry about which case is true."
Cross snaps "Why am i not dead yet?!" He had heard about the terrible punishment this parasite of a king does. How he hurts people for jsut the hell of it... From Dream... form the guards working here... It makes no sense that Cross is still alive. Unless he wants to torture him of course...
A moment of silence.
Ngihtmare speaks a bit softer but still sure and confident "You meant no harm. You were here for a few days and no one was attacked. Neither myself, my knights, my servants or my people in the city. I do not see why i would punish you with death if you did not do a crime earning such a thing."
Cross glares up "And if i had hurt someone?" So he was just doing this own test?! this is just a test. That Cross can deal with. Cross can deal with someone trying to trick and test him!
The king chuckles and shakes his skull "It is very bold of you to assume you would have been able to hurt anyone. Just because we aren't obvious you were not walking around unnoticed or unwatched. If you had made a single move to hurt someone you would have been stopped and caught right away. I must admit however if you had tried that this conversation would be going very differently."
Cross frowns, wait... "If i moved to hurt someone? Anyone?"
Nightmare nods "Of course. The people who work for me are people who's safety i take very seriously. They are willing to work for me. in trade for their servitude i make sure they have what they need and want and more importantly. That they are safe to live their lifes." He sounds so certain and the answer is instantly.
He didn't even need to think about it.
Cross's mind is swimming as he tries to focus. This makes no sense... Why is he implying that he only punishes those who deserve it? That isn't waht others said. This... this is weird. This is the weirdest interrogation he has ever been part of. But he manages to find his voice again "What do you then even want to know?" It isn't like he knows anything.
Nightmare watches him "I am curious about the Lost Kingdom."
Cross flinches as he looks away. "It isn't called lost..." it isn't lost... it isn't! His... his brother- Nine is trying so hard to fix the mess Cross left behind. the mess Cross helped cause. It may be broken and a bit of a mess but it isn't lost. Lost implies there is nothing that can be saved from it.
A soft hum before he speaks again "I apologise. It is a name i took over from others." a moment of silence "I supose I am just curious what made the most loyal of knights of that land leave the country he was working on protecting."
Cross freezes. huh?
Nightmare waits for a moment but when Cross doens't answer he continues "It doesn't make sense to me. Your every move and motivation was from trying to protect the country you served. Yet here you are. Instead of there."
Cross looks to the side. He... he had tried to protect but he failed everyone. He always failed... He made the most terrible mistake of mistakes... How could he stay? they didn't want him to stay. He didn't deserve to stay after that.
Cross looks to the side and speaks "No one wanted the loyal dog of the tyrant to stay. so i left." there.
a moment of silence. "Seems a bit of a harsh name for someone who was loyal to the country."
Cross glares "I wasn't! I just did what the old tyrant wanted!" Like an idiot who can't think for himself. He just did whatever his father told him. Too blind and too stupid to see that XGaster was hurting others.
Nightmare continues to look at him "And you believed in him to make the right choices for the country. That is the job of a king. Make sure that what is done is done to improve the land. improve the country. improve life for the people. It is not your fault that XGaster didn't honour his rule. That he did not do what he was suposed to. What he was sworn into."
Cross can't hear this. Not form sometone who is suposed to be eveil but seems to know so much. Who seems to know what it means to be king yet who isn't suposed to care. Why is this thing who is possessing an innocent acting as it he cares? How would this thing know what makes a good king?!
Cross asks him as much. "Why do you care!?" it is more of a snap than a question.
Is it... Is it Nightmare? Influencing the thing brainwashing him and controlling him? Fighting back?
Dream would be happy to hear that.
Nightmare still thinks about the question. He looks ahead of himself with a tiny frown. Seemingly thinking.
Cross however can't help that notice how blue the cyan eye is. Clearly unnatural. Toxic even... Yet calm. There is no rage hidden that Dream warned him about. No edge of insanity or madness. Just calm and insightful thoughts. Control over his mind? but that makes no sense if he is brainwashed...
The body is not at all what Cross even expected to once see. Ngihtmare had this imposing presence. The fact his form was covered with a goop that had melted over one of his sockets didn't help. The way those tentacles on his back moved and idled. Seemingly without a single thought- wait... didn't octopusses have like... brains in each tentacle. Did that mean that Nightmare had five brains working and thinking for him?
Still... The corruption is so clearly... strange. Dream had told him that the powers given by the ritual was suposed to make a king and warrior of light. Of good. This form is proof that Nightmare wasn't suposed to gain this power. It is dark and moving and changing... But Cross can't help but think it doesn't look that bad, that the name corruption doesn't quite fit. It doesn't radiate any harm in anyway. Not like that time in the hall... Is... Nightmare able to control the presence it gives off? Why wouldn't he use it now? The slight magic he can still feel is potent and strong and unlike anything Cross ever felt before... But it isn't like other poisonous magics Cross had learned about. That he had trained to recognise. It is strange...
Cross decides to focus on the clothes he is wearing. It is clearly high quality stuff. not to forget the golden accents and actual bands around the tentacles. the clips with apple motifs. the detailing of branches like swirls in the same cyan colour as that eye, just less obvious because the fabric is slightly see through.
It makes for one intimidating image. One that the king carries with confidence and familiarity.
Nightmare speaks "I care because i wish to understand. We learn by understanding others. Even if i don't agree with someone doesn't mean i don't have to understand them. In matter of fact. the only way to truly disagree and be against something is to understand or at least know about the concept. When it is about why people do certain actions it is important to learn their motives and reasons. to understand why they did what they did before casting out judgement."
Cross can't deal with him... how is this suposed evil tyrant so understanding?
He is nothing like XGaster.
Nothing at all.
Cross can see that so clearly and so easily. This is someone who knows what he is talking about and who doesn't just say what you want to hear. Cross thought he knew what he was going into. He thought he would meet a man simular to XGaster.
Someone who manipulates. Someone who lies. Someone who turns every answer into a small insult. Someone who tells you how to think and why you are an idiot for not thinkinf like that from the start. Someone who believes himself to be perfect and not capable of fault.
Cross believed his father to be rightful in being this way and thinking that way for so long. It wasn't until after the revolution Cross finally noticed the cracks in the facade.
Cross thought... he figured he would be able to see through whatever mask Ngihtmare is wearing. Metaphorical of course. But he can't... he is failing. He can't figure this out.
Is... is cross being an idiot again? is Nightmare lying to him and is Cross still just unable to see it?
Or is there no mask to see through? no mask to spot the cracks in?
What does he do?
Nightmare waits and remains quiet until Cross actually focusses on him. When he does Nightmare speaks again "I wish to know what happened there. In your home."
His home...
"It isn't my home..." not anymore...
Nightmare nods and speaks again "Then what happened to the country that you used to serve and protect. What caused the downfall?"
Cross looks to the side "A revolution obviously..."
Ngihtmare nods and waits.
Cross glares "I was an idiot and could not pick a side. I couldn't fight my brother who lead the revolution but i could also not betray my lord. I ended up trying to help both yet messed everything up." he glares at the king "I made everything worse." all because he just couldn't pick.
Ngihtmare tilts his skull "Rather extreme. Thinking just one person can make or break a revolution."
Cross blinks.
Nightmare nods calmly "I am not saying that you couldn't have made it go better. That is always an option. However. A revolution... a rebellion. It is the same thing, and it is messy. it is dangerous. One person can not make things go perfect. that is impossible."
Dust coughs lightly into his hand. The king shoots him a look but nothing else happens.
The king turns back to him "You are not responsible for everything that happened. could you have helped? Yes. But... the choice that you made also enabled you to do the few things you could. the little bits you did to help your brother. If you had picked to defend the old tyrant. You would have had to hurt others."
Cross glares down "I know i should have helped."
Ngihtmare shakes his skull "That isn't what i am saying. the point i am trying to make is. You never know what you would have done in the other two situations. You could have joined your brother. but then you would have had to fight the very people you trained and fought beside before. The same people who know you through and through. who know how you fight and move." and he looks at him. "You helping them. either side of the conflict. would have meant you would have been at a different position at any given point. The things that happened wouldn't and couldn't have happened because your actions in this... neutral choice also had consequences and effect. It meant that XGaster stationed you as a guard. if you hadn't been available he would maybe have used two others to gain the same protection you gave him. You didn't stop the revolution when they got to you. instead there would have been two guards guarding the door." And nightmare give shim a moment to let that information sink in.
Cross stops... he... hadn't thought about... all he could think about is how he could have made things different. Thinking about how his skills could have helped specific moments... he hadn't considered that... him helping them from the start would have chanced everything...
and the moment where he could have helped... may never have even happened.
Cross shakes his skull "Things would have been better if i had picked a side."
The king considers it "Maybe it would have. Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe by not picking a side you were able to do enough damage control for both sides that enabled it to even be successful. Maybe not picking a side made it last longer. You can not know which choice would ahve been better as you never saw the options."
Cross isn't sure what is even going on anymore. He had believed... He had been sure that him not making a choice just made everythign worse. Everyone agreed. Everyone must have agreed or else they wouldn't have made sure to remind him about his mistake each moment they could...
right?
Nightmare nods before getting up. Cross only now notices that Nightmare had been using his own tentacles as a chair "But I think I have pushed you too far already with my questions. You need rest and time to process and calm down. Food will be brought to you later." he turns towards the cell door and exits.
The king nods to the guard and starts to walk away.
Wait...
Wait!
Cross jumps up and rushes to the bars "Wait!"
The king stops and turns back to him "yes?" and he waits.
Cross pants "You said... Way before... at the start... There had been others like me. other spies. Where are they now?" Dream said others had been send before right? Or maybe even other forces. That Nightmare killed them?
Nightmare tilts his skull "My knights or I myself spoke to them. Much like I am doing wiht you. Those who meant no harm and held no wish to hurt those here... They were offered a change of scenery. They mentioned they couldn't and didn't want to return a failure to their old leaders. There is always room and a need for people willing to work and help."
Cross frowns "And those who did wish to return home?"
Nightmare looks unbothered "After making sure they were no threat they were released at the border. With a warning to not return. Once is an happening after all, one people can learn from. However if it turns out they lied or wished to return to do harm after all they were punished for their crimes."
Cross looks down as his mind spins "Oh..."
Nightmare waits for a moment longer before nodding "Rest up. I will come back either tomorrow or the day after to continue our conversation." he turns and leaves.
Cross slowly lets go of the bars and goes back to the bed in the cell... He can't help but notice that it is actually rather comfortable here.
Sure there are bars and he is locked in and unable to use magic...
But there is fresh air. Some natural sunlight comes in through the barred windows. It isn't cold or wet. There are warm blankets and soft places to sit...
Even if it is a jailcell. It is comfortable at least.
Cross rolls back up on the bed and thinks.
His mind going over the past conversation and thinking about what he learned. For it having been suposed to be a way for the king to learn about Cross it was just Cross learning about Nightmare.
What had the king even wanted to learn? All Cross told him was how he thought about things and experienced it. Not even how the revolution happened or what events took place.
If Nightmare had wished to know those it would make sense. Then it would gain Nightmare insight to how the revolution managed to be successfull and what to defend against.
And yet...
and yet...
He didn't. All Nightmare wished to know was what Cross did.
It doesn't make sense.
None of it does.
It doesn't take long but eventually a maid comes along. a human and she bows in respect to the Knight before turning towards Cross with a smile "Hello there. I brought you some food. It are roasted potatoes and a salad." she puts it on the little opening to push it into his cell "Once you are done please place it back in this same area. Makes us able to clean it up which will leave your area a bit cleaner!" she smiles happily before nodding once she sees Cross paying her attention.
After that she turns away, bows to the Knight again,before leaving.
Cross makes his way to the food slowly but the Knight standing guard doesn't make a single move to take or mess with it.
Cross grabs his food and takes a seat on his bed again. He eats it slowly and feels his hand shake once he realises it is actually good.
It is taste and warm and filled with nutrients.
Why are they treating him so nicely?
Cross just... doesn't get it...
Maybe he can ask the next time Nightmare comes to him to talk?
Maybe he can get some answers after all...
*------------------------*
In case you guys don't get the title name. It is a joke. Because Cross is being interrogated but it is more a mutual Q&A...
I will leave now.
#utmv#NewAgeAU#nightmare sans#Cross sans#dust sans#Cross freaking out about the cell door being opened and him thinking he is about to die.#meanwhile nightmare thinking: oh. that is creaking loudly. we need to send someone down here to oil the doors.#Just. the differences in energy here people. So funny.#But yeah. Nightmare? Just wants to understand.#He learned that the best way to know what people think and do is just to... ask them and try to understand the why they did something.#by understanding he gains more insight in what people do and want and need and what they can do to gain these things.#It helps him to udnerstand the more normal people from his place as king.#Also he is just curious how someone as loyal as cross could end up so far away from the very people he swore to protect.#(doing a bit of research to see why loyal people would leave because of his knights.)#but all he learns is that... cross felt like he had failed in his job and so left on his own as a form os self punishment.#So now he is trying to understand why he would feel like this.#all so he knows waht to watch out for with his own knights and to know how to reassure them.#To make sure he knows how to let them know that he trusts them and mistakes are allowed.#Cross is just having many crisis because well...#he isn't used to someone this powerful just having an honest normal conversation with someone so low in comparisson#Which for nightmare is normal (he got rit of the old advisors for experts in certain fields who were originally much more normal civilians)#It is a whole culture shock that nightmare is causing because he works so very different from the people in power cross is used to.#but yeah.#the first conversation between nightmare and cross which eventually lead to a career switch for cross.#that is the one i wanted to play with and explore :3#I had to change it a bit after Spot uploaded their drabble but i am proud to say most of it still worked :D#Enjoy <3
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Some fun Heartbroken trivia:
There is an older Nicholas and a younger Nicholas and they may have the same or similar powers
“He did. Guillaume and Nicholas... Nicholas just wallops you with pants-shitting waves of terror...” ... “...I would’ve done it even if my big brothers weren’t coming for me, but I joined the Nine.”
Worm 11.g
...the younger Heartbroken in line. Flor, Nicholas, Amias, Candy, and Darlene. ... ...the young ones, but Nicholas and Amias weren’t that into this particular game.
Ward 10.x
“You guys were busy helping Nathan after Nicholas got mad and terror-waved him.”
Ward 10.z
Older Nicholas and Guillaume aren't mentioned again after Cherie's interlude in Worm and Guillaume is only mentioned once in Ward
By the time he had her, he was bored enough with children that he didn’t pay her much mind. You broke that ground, he got bored because he paid that attention to you. You, Cherie, Jean-Paul, Valentina, Guillaume. Trying to break you, trying to make you trigger. Trying to make you soldiers. Or just the days he was an asshole who wanted to hurt someone and you were the first person he saw after the impulse crossed his mind.
Ward 20.e2
There may have been a fifth sibling with powers who, by the time Cherie escapes, are (most likely) dead and Alec doesn't know
“...I was his fourth kid to show powers...”
Worm 7.1
Alec knows that Nicholas and Cherie have powers, so it goes: Unknown, Cherie, Nicholas, and then Alec. In Cherie's interlude...
“But it didn’t happen. Time passed, he never made a push for it. Guillaume got his power, you know. Ten or so of us kids, and three of us could control people one way or another. Four if we count you...”
Cherie mentions Guillaume having a power like it's news to Alec. Taking both Alec and Cherish's words together the order should be: Unknown, Cherie, Nicholas (these three can be shuffled around), then Alec, and lastly Guillaume.
Cherie doesn't seem to count Unknown among the active kids, keeping the count to four same as Alec, implying that Unknown died in between Alec running away and his encounter with Cherish in Brockton Bay.
Also, just for fun, the ages of the five seem to be: Nicholas and Guillaume as the oldest (20+ in 2011), Cherie as the next (20 in 2011), and then Alec (15 in 2011). Unknown is unknown so throw them anywhere. Maybe between Alec and Cherie to explain the five year gap between them.
#parahumans#worm#ward#do these count as spoilers?#worm spoilers#ward spoilers#alec vasil#theory time#cherie describes heartbreaker as getting angry after alec left and worse when they couldn't retrieve him#so chances are he took out his anger on the ones who failed. the older sibs. gonna say Unknown died for alec getting away#either as punishment or HB sent them on more dangerous jobs that got them eventually which is why they aren't shown later on#maybe unknown's death was part of the reason cherie left. in addition to the failing to get an actress thing that got mentioned#or maybe cherie killed unknown on her way out and just didn't mention it#dunno. haven't really thought about it or heartbroken dynamics that much#since in ward it seems like the nicholas that shows up is only the younger one i'm assuming the older one is dead. same with guillaume#so either HB renamed a younger kid after nicholas the first or he didn't notice he used the same name twice#btw for the guillaume and nicholas mentions i just used site: bc worm and ward are way too long for anything else
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I think Handsome Jack cried so hard he threw up once he really stood and acknowledged Angel's passing
#i genuinely believe he thought he was doing what was best for her#and maybe he was also punishing her for killing her mother on accident#hes a human there's only so much he can do#and focusing his rage over losing his wife on getting rid of all bandits#bandits that caused the death of his wife by attempting to kidnap his daughter to use her siren abilities to discover vaults#and that being the very same thing that kills her#the game doesnt show you his grief because they dont want you to empathize with someone who is pathologically trying to destroy the other#and i get that. its a simple video game#nuance could muddy things#but i think he loved his daughter#and wept as soon as he was alone#he sought power to protect her#and now he has nothing left#and sometimes i think he may have wanted to die#at the end of BL2#because he failed in completing his one true goal of saving his daughter from herself#anyways sorry#borderlands#handsome jack#redacted
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Hot take: You shouldn't get in trouble for having bad grades if you're doing your assignments and participating in class but are struggling in school even though you are trying your best. However, if your bad grades are caused by you being on your phone in class instead of paying attention in class and not doing your assignments, you 100% deserve to get in trouble for having bad grades.
#if you are genuinely putting in effort at school then you should be punished for your grades#if you dont put in any effort you bring your punishment for bad grades on yourself#its one thing to not do schoolwork because of personal problems#its another thing not to do schoolwork because you dont feel like it#i was a good student so when i stopped doing my assignments one of my teachers got concerned i was having problems at home#she called my mother asking if everything was okay at home#which is how my mom found out i was not doing my work and she got concerned#my math teacher was failing me for having missing assignments even though i had turned them in because she hadnt graded them yet#my mom told me to working on my assignments for math but don't worry about trying to pass#after that i started doing my schoolwork in other classes and brought my grades back up#my sister on the other hand slacked off all the time and lied about doing her assignments#so she got in trouble a lot and my mom never believed her when she complained about teachers#i think a lot of yall didnt pay attention in class and didnt do your homework#and then wanna whine because you got in trouble for having bad grades#or you did well until you had to put in effort and then stopped trying altogether#and then wanna cry because you got in trouble for bad grades
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