#fatass crocs

[hislittleraincloud]

It’s the fact that they’re called “stomp clog” 💀 big ass womper stompers lol

They remind me of these bigass Steve Madden (💕💖✨) stompers I used to have. Platforms have been a part of my life since the 90s. I'm short (but not Ortega short, that's almost dwarf sized).

The sad thing about these is I don't want to wear them out. I wear my other black Crocs every day and they're just so fkn worn now, plus these were expensive. Maybe I ought to get a normal pair and just wear these stupid things whenever I wear a Wednesday shirt (I have 4 Wednesday shirts... >_> ... 💩).

[devilsrecreation]

any outlanders christmas headcannons? :3

You know, I HAVE been thinking of Christmas-based scenarios recently (i.e “A Christmas Carol” with Reirei) so why not?

Also idk if you mean in-universe headcanons or a human au so ig I’ll do both!

Everyone has a hand in decorating the tree. Everyone has different taste in Christmas decorations so it’s very diverse

They binge watch all the “good” Christmas movies like “Home Alone” and “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”

They also warm up to “Muppets Christmas Carol” bc I said so

You know damn well who would do the equivalent of this to caroling animals

Your “Secret Santa” idea still prevails and the Idiots still don’t understand the concept. Either that or they reveal everybody’s secrets

You know that joke where someone’s stocking is huge compared to the others? That’s Cheezi “I’ve been really good this year!”

I think mistletoe grows in Africa so the skinks definitely place it here and there. It’s cute for Janja and Jasiri and Reirei and Goigoi….not so much for the crocs. Tamka and Neema ended up under it and actually gagged at the thought of kissing each other

Ig Kiburi changed the tradition so they fight under mistletoe instead cuz it’s the crocodile way

You know how Pumbaa dressed up as “Dandy Claws”? Jasiri got Janja to do the same thing hfhfhf

“Not a word…”

The skinks are definitely on the Naughty List. You know why

However when threatened that they would get coal, Shupavu insisted on making money off of it…or at least using it to build up the fire to keep warm so take THAT, Santa!

Chungu, Cheezi, and Tamka are not allowed to go into the kitchen cuz their fatasses ate all of the Christmas cookies

[your-pal-nebula]

Presenting,

About What It Was Like Attending Villain School with Razzle Dazzle as a Classmate

A Vine Compilation

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Razzle Dazzle: Oh sorry, I fell asleep while I was waiting for you to make me a sandwich.

Timmy Tim-Bo: Go back to sleep and starve.

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Coach: ...What the hell are you doing?

RD: Doing my makeup.

Coach: That's a big ass mirror.

RD: Well, I got a big ass face.

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RD: People say I can't do what I love without college.

RD: I don't need no degree to be a clothing hanger.

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Ms. Question (probably talking about Invisi-Bill and BLHG): And they were roommates.

RD: Oh my god, they were roommates.

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RD, hypnotizing random people by singing: Let's do the fork in the garbage disposal- LET'S DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL! DING DING DING DING DING DING DA-DING DING!

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*random hypnotized people milling around*

RD: Look at all those chickens!

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RD: So you really just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday party with a birthday gift on my birthday party with a birthday gift?

Invisi-Bill and BLHG: ...happy birthday?

RD: *smacks them both in the head with a wine glass*

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RD: ...WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSEEEE?

Coach: They are my CROCS.

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RD: Hey everybody, it's Razzle Dazzle, here outside Villain School, with a fatass racoon, in the rain!

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[metaphorical-thoughtbubble]

Gen Z insults

insults and times kids got mad

(an ongoing list)

shut up ur team manager

“no stop you dont get rights you think Alvin is getting the best head” “bro its Alvin all the way” “dude what are you ON”

shut up I know DAMN WELL sweater weather is on ur playlist too

pp head

you drink CRYSTALIZED MILK you fucking psycho

EVAN. get out of. THE DAMN. BLEACHERS

you look like a whole ass HAMBURGER bun you fucking fatass

scoot over my WHOLE booty cheek is hanging off the bench

ok its not my fault you were a mistake and your parents dont love you

its not our fault you hit reverse puberty and your tits havent grown since you were nine you five foot five peice of shit

ryan I could rock your shit in 2 second flat dont test me

just because youre hispanic doesnt mean you get to hit people with your croc

you piece of fucking rice

bro you look like a whole ass mcdonalds ketchup packet

how can you tell me i look ugly you dont have working blood

ew ok at least my heart doesnt palpitate you pediasure drinkin ass bitch

stop you god damn racket

dont drink that that’s why you have herpes

ok keep doing that when youre 20 and a porn star dont blame me

Just because you’re off your meds doesn’t mean you get to get pissy

Shut your adhd ass up I’ve been talking to you for 20 mins this is the first time you’ve responded

You god. Damn. Rocket. Push. In. You’re. Fucking. Chair.

“Ew imagine being blonde” “ew imagine being adopted”

Max you’re a poster child for abortion

“Don’t fuck w me or I’ll fuck ur mom” “if you even come CLOSE to my mom I’ll fuck ur dad”

WOMEN DONT HAVE TO HAVE TITS ERIC

YOU ABSOLUTE WALLNUT

“Go to www dot-” “www. How many times did your mother drop you as a child”

[aspidities]

Wrangling Cuban crocs?

One of the world’s most endangered, if not the most endangered crocodilian species. They average around 12-14’ long, and are a brilliant golden/black coloration, absolutely stunning to behold. I’ve seen them launch out of the water to pluck a Hutia (tree dwelling rat) from a branch probably 10’ away.

I worked with the Cuban Croc Conservation Society for three weeks doing a field tagging internship in the Zapata Swamp, in the Matanzas province of Cuba, toward the south. That’s where there’s the Zapata Swamp croc breeding camp, and several biology camps for study. My internship was based on tagging youngsters for release, to add to the current wild population of around 3k individuals, and to monitor for signs of hybridization between American (Crocodilus acutus) and Cuban crocs (Crocodilus rhombifer). American crocodiles have done well colonizing Cuba as their own, as they are much more tolerant, hardy species and can deal with brackish/salt water in addition to fresh. The Cuban, on the other hand, is more tempestuous about mating grounds and requires freshwater swamps with land suitable for above-ground nesting mounds, much like the American Everglades, and the American crocs have muscled them out of practically their entire home range, aside from the massive wetlands in the Matanzas. Hybridization is common, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing: the Cubanos will have to compete with the Americanos to survive, and if they interbred, then competition isn’t needed and both threatened species will succeed, albeit not as ‘pure’ as they were before, which bothers some scientists but not this little mixed breed reptile lover.

Cubans are a interesting croc, probably one of my favorites, although I’ll always love the huge dangerous Australian Salties the best. They’re alert, and quite intelligent, and they’re far more active than a fatass prehistoric reptile has a right to be. If you walk into a typical croc enclosure, housing a Nile or Saltwater croc (which are formidable beasts in their own right), the croc will open its jaw in a threat posture but remain sunning on the bank/in the water. They don’t come flying out to challenge you. Not so with the Cuban crocs. You walk into a Cuban enclosure, you better have waders, hip-high boots and a big ass stick, and your heart rate will spike.

One day I was tasked with hauling several 3-4’ youngsters out of a mixed concrete pond so we could sex them and fit them with radio tags. I had one by the tail, and was dragging him backwards out of a mucky area so I could slap a rubber band on his mouth (fun fact: crocs have very strong bite pressure but very little ability to pop their mouth open if you hold it down, so we duct tape them and rubber band them like they’re lobsters at a tank in the supermarket) when I walked straight into another croc that had seen me pulling his buddy around and wanted none of it. He used leverage from the back of another croc, launched forward and clambered half up my body, mouth open, hissing like something from Jurassic Park. I made a ‘YEEE’ noise and stumbled backward with the croc on me like a goddamn golden retriever puppy, snapping and trying to get to my face. I literally panicked and smacked it down with my hand, managed to catch a tooth with one finger, and sprayed blood across the concrete like a Kandinsky painting. The croc shook his head, dazed, and I scrambled out of the concrete and had to face a group of hysterically laughing badass Cuban guys who had seen the entire thing.

Crocs. Fucking assholes.