#fic: take it off

[tightjeansjavi]

The Rite of Movement | drabble

“take it off”

A/N: so yesterday I was talking to @itsokbbygrl about how Joel would react if baby love ever wore a piece of Brazzers merch around him and well…😵‍💫

~word count: 960~

Summary: Joel catches you wearing a pair of Brazzers spandex shorts 🤭

Pairing | pornstar!joel x pornstar!female reader

Warnings: smut, established relationship, punishment, teasing, dom!joel, meanish!joel, possessive!joel (reader is into it) spanking, sir kink, praise kink, language, Joel calls the reader a naughty dirty little slut in a non derogatory way, Joel is in his 40’s reader is in her 30’s, readers nickname is baby love, reader has no physical descriptions (outside of having a big ass and thighs) +18 minors dni!

series masterlist

It’s laundry day, and you’re faced with an unfortunate problem on your hands. The only pair of clean shorts that you could find in your drawer happened to be a pair of black spandex shorts with a BRAZZERS decal stretching all the way across the stretched fabric. Why was this such an unfortunate dilemma you may be asking yourselves? Well, you already had a feeling that Joel was gonna lose his shit if he saw you wearing these shorts…

Fuck it, we ball!

And oh, did he lose his mind alright.

All afternoon he had been working on fixing an issue he was having with his truck, and with Tommy’s generous help after refusing to take it into the shop. No, the Miller brothers were the kings of DIY. Joel came striding into the kitchen to grab two more beers, shirtless and reeking of car oil and grease, he was frozen on the spot when he saw you bent over the sink, working through the dishes in the tightest pair of spandex shorts he had ever seen. Your cheeks and thighs were practically spilling out from under the strained fabric.

Then he saw the familiar logo that was once the bane of his existence, and his eyes narrowed into slits, grease stained fists clenching at his sides, teeth grinding together and jaw ticking.

Fuck no. Not on my watch.

His boots were heavy on the tile as he approached you and before you could even turn around, his heavy set palm was making harsh contact with one of your cheeks, smacking your ass so hard, you swore you saw stars for a second as your body lurched forward against the sink and a soft surprised yelp slipped past your lips.

“The fuck are these, baby love?” He growled against the shell of your ear, crowding over your back like a cloak made of pure cement from how hard he was pressing into you. You could feel the heat radiating off his body, and the stench of car grease flooding your senses, dizzying your brain. Your covered cunt pulsed around nothing but the prospect of him punishing you just for wearing these damn shorts.

“It’s laundry day, baby. And I’m all out of clean shorts…” you let out a sigh of faux disappointment when he began to rub the plush flesh of your ass with his big meaty palm, “it’s a million degrees outside, and I found these in my back drawer and probably just never got rid of them when I moved in.”

He smacked your ass again, watching the way it recoiled against his palm, “Yeah?” He rasped, “well, baby love, they ain’t it.” He shook his head, grasping the hem of the spandex and yanked them right down your ass and thighs and all the way down to your ankles.

He dragged his hand right back down between your cheeks, spreading you open just enough that he could slip just the tip of his thumb into your already sopping tight cunt. “And you ain’t ever gonna wear them again, we clear?”

“Y-yes sir!” You squeaked out, arching your back into his hand so his thumb would slip in further.

“Good girl.” He chuffed a laugh as he retracted his hand despite your soft protests for him to continue, “Sorry I had to do that, baby love. I’ll get you a pair of mine, okay?”

You laughed it off, steeling your racing heart in your rib cage as you looked over your shoulder at him, “it’s okay, baby. You’ll just have to get me a better pair to strut around in.” You responded with a wink.

“‘Suppose I can arrange that.” He stalked off to the laundry room, grabbing you a fresh pair of his boxers and he even helped you step into them before he bent down and snatched up the Brazzers shorts and shoved them deep into the pocket of his jean cut offs. “Think Tommy and I are gonna go out for some burgers soon. Y’want anythin’, baby love?”

“Mmm, yeah I’ll take some meat.” You said with a giggle, turning around with your arms crossed against your chest in a challenging stare, “preferably the kind of meat that is shaped like your cock. Think you can deliver on that, baby?”

He closed the gap between you once more, looking even taller and broader than usual when he crowded you against the counter. His brow was cocked in amusement, lips spreading into a deep set grin. “Sorry, baby love.” He tutted softly, bringing his hand down between your thighs and pressed the heel of his palm directly against your covered cunt as he leaned in, “naughty dirty little sluts don’t get rewarded that easily.”

You leaned into his hand immediately, trying to pull him in for a kiss but he was being stubborn and nipped at your jawline instead while you let out a pathetic whine.

“Joel, baby, c’mon, please?” You nearly begged him.

“Nuh uh.” He pressed a kiss to the corner of your lips before retreating out of your grasp.

Joel: 2 | baby love: 0

A week has gone by since the little incident and when you wake up late one morning and head downstairs to make a cup of coffee, you find a pink box on the countertop next to your mug. The box is wrapped in a pretty pink bow, and there’s a note under the ribbon addressed to you.

To my naughty little baby love,

Here’s a better pair ;)

-Joel x.

You untie the bow and lift the cover from the box and beneath the perfectly crisp wrapping paper is a pair of black spandex shorts. Upon further inspection, you find that the back of the shorts have a decal stretched across the fabric as well. However, instead of Brazzers, it reads Miller-Co in bold lettering.

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[qoldenskies]

i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases

[aliteralsemicolon]

Thinking about how Spencer takes care of you when you're too exhausted to take care of yourself.

He walks into your bedroom to find you on the brink of sleep, carelessly curled up on your end of the bed and his brows raise in slight concern as he scans you. You couldn't even be bothered to change out of your day clothes. He chuckles lightly at the sight, as he makes his way to you.

"Baby?" He gently calls to you, rubbing your calf with his hand as he takes a seat next to your legs. You're unable to respond to the sound of his voice despite hearing it. He tries again, this time kneeling on the floor next to your head.

"Angel?" His fingers lightly brush through your hair as he whispers near your ear.

"Hmm?" You reply hazily.

You wait for him to speak so you can go back to sleep but all that follows is silence. He resumes his motions in your hair and it keeps you aware of his presence. He's waiting for you to gain some more consciousness. You rub your eyes, fluttering them open and Spencer's quick to guide your hand away from your face.

Right. Your makeup.

"What's up?" You mumble, stifling a yawn.

"I know you're tired, and I'm sorry for having to wake you up," he tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "but you do know why it's bad for you to fall asleep like this?"

This is a topic the two of you have discussed before. You're usually quite meticulous about removing your makeup before bed, but you're also no stranger to nights when you can't find any energy to do so.

"Mhm. Clogged pores, risk of infections, bacteria spread, discomfort…" You trail off, summarising his extensive research.

Getting you up and off this bed is a losing battle tonight and Spencer graciously accepts defeat, sporting an endeared grin.

"Can I at least help you get comfortable? Would it be alright if I took these off for you?" He tugs at your top and waits for your response. You nod, letting out a barely audible hum.

Spencer moves off the floor and begins to remove your clothing. "You're gonna have to help me just a little bit, Angel. Lift your hips for me."

You blindly follow his commands, wanting to get it over with so that he can relax and you can go back to sleep. He doesn't relax, though. As he rids you of the last of your clothing, he mentally fights himself on letting you sleep with your make-up. There are so many risks involved, but hygiene aside, Spencer knows that if you wake up with your pillow stained– or God forbid…a pimple– you're going to be beyond pissed with yourself.

The sudden dip in the mattress slightly startles you, as a cool feeling drags against your cheek and you whine.

"Shhhh, sorry, it's just me." Spencer coos.

"What're you doing?" You groan, squeezing your eyes shut, still in a sleepy haze.

"Just wiping off your makeup, sweet girl. You're going to thank me tomorrow." His finger hooks under your chin and he soothingly rubs his thumb just under your lips.

"Spence…" You begin whining but you're unable to pronounce anything else coherently.

He can tell you're slightly irritated, but he doesn't mind. He knows that it's the exhaustion talking.

"I know, I know." He sympathises with his continually gentle tone. "I'm almost done. You're being so good for me right now."

Your lips pout, but you don't complain any further, his words calming you. By the time he's finished ridding your face of cosmetic residue, you're knocked out again. Light snores can be heard from you. He chuckles to himself at the sight of you. So peaceful. So adorable. He leans in closer and plants a firm, lingering kiss on your forehead before he disappears to get ready for bed himself.

"Spence?"

He turns around at your groggy voice, still half asleep. "Yes?"

"Thank you."

"Anytime, my pretty girl."

I do not consent to my work being used to feed/train AI and/or re-posted anywhere by anybody else

[starry-bi-sky]

im being hit with The Visions again

the Vision this time is a "homeless danny in gotham" au except its pre-robin Batman again because im on a batdad kick. --------------------

Danny finds a car.

Which-- isn't, like, anything super interesting or impressive. It's Gotham, it's a big city. There's cars on every corner, can't throw a stick without hitting one somewhere. And then setting off the alarm.

But-! It's a car, and it's past midnight-- or he thinks it might be past midnight, it's late enough to be. He doesn't have a watch and he left his phone at Vlad's; asshole put a tracker on it after the last time Danny ran off.

It's been over a month since, it's a new record -- last time it took just over two weeks for Vlad to find him and drag him back to the mansion. This time, Danny ran further. Left the state and everything. See how long it takes Vlad to find him now, hah.

People go missing all the time in Gotham.

Anyways-- there's a car, and it's midnight, and it's parked in an alleyway. Danny would've called it invisible with the way he pretty much trips over it, phasing through the wall of the building beside it and not watching where he's going, but it's not. So he doesn't.

Danny runs into the hood and nearly faceplants right into the darn thing with an 'oomph', hands catching himself on the metal as a flash of irritation flashes hot through his gut. It doesn't hurt or anything, but getting the wind knocked out of you sucks always, and he's tired and hungry, and as a result not in the best state of mind.

He's just about to sink his foot into the side of the wheel -- it wouldn't do anything, he's not that big of an asshole, but it's the principle -- when he stops.

Danny pauses.

He takes a step back, holding his hands out 'n' everything, and examines the car. He squints, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the darkness, considering the closest streetlight is twenty feet that way and positioned in a way that none of the light is hitting it.

Danny would not call himself a car guy. He doesn't think he counts, considering his size and lack of everything. But, but, he knows his way around a few cars, and he had an old obsession with older models when he was little that kinda petered out of existence after his accident. Had a bunch of little car models sitting on one of his shelves back in Amity, and Dad offered to get his hands on an old car for the two of them to fix up together so it'd be ready for Danny when he got his license.

...Anyways.

Point is: Danny can appreciate an old car, and this car has an older -- albeit obviously modified, if the matte paneling and plated wheels meant anything -- look to it. That kind of flat top went out of style years ago, and it's got this kinda rectangular look Danny doesn't see often these days on modern cars.

Other than the electrical cars, but he doesn't think those count. That's boxy, not rectangular.

Danny frowns, tilts his hands down, and leans back further as if that will let him get a better look at this thing. "...What model is this?" He mutters, it's hard to tell in this lighting.

Wait, he should see if there's anyone in the car. It's not running or anything, and nobody's come out to yell at him -- or shoot him -- but, still. People are crazy in Gotham, crazier than they've ever been in Amity. The last thing he needs to do is piss off some guy from the mob.

Danny peers into the window and-- there's no window, okay. Well, no window, and no driver. Some idiot left their car unprotected and without windows, in Gotham?

He pulls on the door handle just to be annoying -- it doesn't budge. Okay, maybe not that stupid. Especially since Danny didn't even see it until he was quite literally running into it.

So. Not that stupid.

Danny looks around warily, pulling his hoodie around him tighter, and then starts circling the car slowly. Like a vulture. No license plate; shocker. Hear how shocked he is? Clutching his pearls right now.

"Reinforced bumper. Cool." he says, er- whispers, really, quiet enough that it doesn't even echo. Danny squats in front of the car and runs his hands over the -- what, should he even call this a bumper? It's bigger than his head, and it's covering the grille. He picks at these... things on the side that remind him of leather straps. Probably to keep this bumper up? Like a ratchet strap?

Danny leans back until his butt hits the ground and he can sit back properly, propping himself up on his hands -- maybe not a good idea. There's probably broken glass somewhere here and he doesn't wanna pick shards out of his palms, again. It's like popping the world's most annoying zit depending on if it gets under the skin.

(He could always just phase them out, but the picking gives him something to do. It doesn't hurt that much.)

Eh. It'll be fine.

With one knee propped up, Danny looks the front up and down, and furrows his brows. The style kinda reminds him of a dodger, especially with the placement and style of the headlights. He plants his hands on the concrete -- hissing when he feels something cut into his palms, ow, there's that glass he was talking about -- and leans down to look under the car.

Hm, nothing jutting out that much. Looks pretty normal. Good space between the bottom and the ground.

He gets up and circles the side again, brushing whatever pebbles or glass that could've stuck into his skin off. He's really curious about where the owner got matte plating for it, or if it's just a wrap. The silhouette's definitely sixties or seventies; too angular for the eighties and fifties.

...There's no one here, Danny looks around again just to make sure, cranes his ears to catch anything. Nope, just the typical quiet rumbling of Gotham's underbelly. It kinda reminds him of Amity, or-- no. No, it reminds him of the quiet groan of the Zone.

That's far more comforting, he thinks. Danny's never really liked Amity all that much.

Back to the car: there's no one around, so Danny folds his arms against the side of the door and sticks his head inside the window. No keys in the ignition, should've figured.

Not like Danny was planning on stealing the car anyways -- anyone capable of modifying a car into this kinda beast -- or paying someone to modify -- was not someone he wanted to piss off. Danny's an orphan, not stupid.

Ignore the fact that he's got his head stuck through the window. The interior isn't anything interesting, but the seats are made of leather, which is nice. Must be a pain in the summer or winter, but leather is cool, and gets stains out better than cloth.

No stick shift though, he's a little disappointed.

Danny presses his mouth into a line and then slants it, humming in the back of his throat. Honestly, he's kinda tempted to crawl in and go to sleep. The leather seats look really inviting, and he's been sleeping on the ground or on park benches for weeks, and the car is really well hidden. No need to worry about being kidnapped.

But, it still belongs to someone. And they're probably using it for something shady. They'll come back for it eventually, so he should get this gawking over with anyways.

And, and-- and. He wants to get a look at that fucking engine. 'Cause holy shit!

Danny pulls his head out of the window and half-dances over to the back, his hand curling around one of the bars as a grin spreads across his face. Now, Danny hates Christmas, but this, this is like it came early and good for once.

"You could smuggle moonshine with this thing," Danny says to himself, grinning ear to ear and running his hands over the edge of the metal. The car is too conspicuous for backroads driving, but the engine, wow. What a thing of beauty.

One of Auntie's friends would probably know what engine it is -- or what type of engine it's based off of, it could very well be a bunch of different engines frankenstein'd together. Danny doesn't recognize it.

Which means it could be illegal. Again, what a shocker. In Gotham? He's clutching his pearls.

Fully satisfied with himself, Danny dances around to the front again and holds his hands out. He makes an 'L' with both hands and shuts one eye, getting the car within the frame of his fingers like he's about to take a picture.

"I rate you," Danny makes a camera shutter sound and mimics taking a photo, "one cool fuckin' car."

"Thank you."

Danny doesn't scream. He does not. He's taught himself better since ghosts started popping up in Amity, and honestly he deserves some credit for that considering they only started popping up over half a year ago.

He does, however, gasp. And he gasps hard, the type that has a high chance of giving you the hiccups afterwards; the painful, chest-thumping kind. Danny slams both hands over his mouth and stumbles backwards, eyes wide and his heart kicking into the fifth gear in his ears.

Bleeding out from the shadows is a man entirely drenched in black, Danny can hardly make out his silhouette and barely catches the white glints of his eyes. Fear like a prey animal burns in his lungs, wild and rabid, Danny has half a mind to bolt.

His ghost sense didn't go off, which might just be the most terrifying thing.

The man doesn't move any more than a step, just enough that Danny can barely see him, but he can feel him watching him. Shit. Shit. He should've never stuck around.

His hands are still over his mouth, Danny, shaking, flutters them open, "How-- h-- how--" he wheezes, "how long have you been standing there?"

[syluses]

panty-thieving caleb

do we need to discuss this? caleb truly does this. nobody’s undergarments safe from this man. does homeboy feel guilty? yes. will he do it again? u can bet ur ass on it

It’s… fine.

I mean, you’re gone for a few days, your little hunter’s gig requiring your presence elsewhere, and the apartment is quiet- almost uncomfortably quiet- for a short while; he has some room to wriggle. Be bad. He could throw a house party in your absence and you would never know. He’s good at keeping secrets, and he’s a masterclass in those pitiful puppy dog eyes that catch you for hook, line, and sinker. If he said he didn’t, then you’d believe him, ‘cause you’re a good girl.

(His good girl. Whether or not you’re aware of that has no effect on its truth.)

It’s not like the walls have eyes, that you’re watching, when he leans against the washing machine, his own dirty clothes swirling in a heap behind the clear window, and spots your hamper propped behind the door, a glint of interest in his eye- shameful as it may come.

You’re far from stupid. But you are naive, down to a fault- and Caleb thinks, flipping the lid of it and stooping over to rifle through your laundry, that it’s for the better.

It’s just marginally easier on his conscience if you’re unaware of what he’s about to do.

Look- to clear the air, he isn’t proud of it, alright? But fuck if he doesn’t need it. You’ve left him high and dry one too many times to count, and he doesn’t blame you for that, pipsqueak, he gets that your relationship had established boundaries from early on- too early to really even remember- and that you couldn’t begin to understand the depths of what he feels for you. He gets that. It’s only festering in the forefront of his brain on most days, squeezing in his chest in a way that reads longing just as much as it does guilt.

The knowing doesn’t stop him though, or the disgrace.

Might even drive him a little bit further, if he’s being honest.

He digs out a frilly pink article, pointedly ignoring all other clothes save for the few oversized shirts of his you must’ve snagged earlier this week- regarding them with a passive but somewhat smug smile- and pulls it taut between his fingers, marvelling a little at the intricate gusset.

Fuck.

And you know, the remnant of his guilt fades the longer he stares. Perverted or not, his imagination runs at a mile a minute and there’s a certain thrill he obtains in envisaging you wearing it. So, so beautiful, he’s sure, and how could you not be? A pretty nymphet strewn in blushing pink. He barely has the self restraint to pass up on finding the matching bra, but it’s a near thing.

He doesn’t think he really cares about how horrified you’d be, how much faith you’d lose in him- your precious Caleb- not as his cock stirs in his briefs and he pictures you wearing the underwear, sticking your ass out for him on full display. He’d touch it and grope it and guide you down onto his aching length- but not before getting your pretty pussy (well, he’s never seen it before, no, but he’s willing to bet his whole piggy bank that it’s as gorgeous as the rest of you) all primed and ready for him.

He’d worship you. Really, he’s just waiting on your green light.

In his dreams he kneels on the ground before you and laps at your folds ‘til you’re screaming and pulling his hair- but he doesn’t let up until he knows for sure you’ve nothing left to give him. When you’re wholly satisfied, then, and only then, does he hike his pants down his thighs and sink into your sopping heat.

The smell of you— “mmnh.”

Oh pretty girl, nothin’ compares.

Caleb lets out a little groan as he fists your dirty panties tight and thrusts it in his face, inhaling your scent- faded detergent mixed with an undeniably feminine musk- in lungfuls. He thumbs over the fabric with appreciation and gives it an oddly chaste kiss before getting to swift work on his growing problem.

This won’t happen again. He promises. If you were around for it, you’d hear him spew out his apologies and proffer out his little finger for a pinky swear. He never breaks a pinky swear, too. It’s sacrilegious in your household.

He’s half tempted to wrap your pretty panties around his cock and rub it that way, but he quickly thinks better of it, surprisingly clear-headed in his conviction to keep it untainted. Your underwear having been thrown in your dirty hamper or not- Caleb doesn’t want to mar them with his own release if he comes hard into the lacy folds of it- and no doubt he would. He respects you a little too much to tarnish your precious belonging, and while he knows his actions are disparaging in and of themselves, this is a front he’ll remain staunch on: your undies are valuable, not some material to use for jerking off before curtly disposing of.

He’ll be careful, he’ll be good to them. Okay?

Evidently, that respect he has for you isn’t quite enough to stop him from nabbing your dirty laundry and huffing it in like paint— but it’s the little things that count, right? The thought.

A rasping whine punches out from his chest, his eyes clamped shut as he strokes himself with long, slim fingers, desperately wishing them to be yours instead. Yours would be softer, more uncertain and unexperienced as they trail over his dick but fuck they’d feel so good, he knows this like he’s never known anything before. Just pines for it to become reality.

Of course, he’d start with something smaller to ease you in; he wants it to be romantic, your first time, full of sloppy, but meaningful kisses as confession and hands cupping your face as he vows to keep you happy forever.

But what he gets up to- you’d be so mad if you knew— He wants to save himself from the mortifying prospect of you ever unearthing his sordid inner world, but it’s a little too late to backtrack. He can’t reverse what he feels for you, in any case.

Shit. It sounds so bad- the dregs of his rationale rebuking him somewhere in the back of his head- but thinking about you frustrated just gets him riled up even more. ‘Cause you’re so cute like that... Furrowed brow and flushed cheeks, lips that pout and arms that cross over your breast and unwittingly press them up and present them to him before you either frown or inevitably turn your back on him.

He could die in peace to your catty moans and whines. And then he’d revive himself just to pull a few more out of you.

Hey, look, pipsqueak, he knows he’s a big meaniehead sometimes, but—

Pre dribbles from the tip and he smears it down the long column of his cock, sucking in a shaky breath as the washing machine drums out a steady tune. He could fuck you on it. It’d probably feel so good that way. Or he could drag you to the couch and eat you out for hours on end until his knees bruise on the carpet and you constrict your thighs around his head. Sounds like a dream. Like his dreams.

—but he just loves you so damn much.

And can you really fault him if he gets a little worked up over how you behave? I mean, yeah, he’s supposed to be your ‘gege’ and all, but c’mon... He’s still a man at the end of the day. You’re kind of setting a high bar for him, don’t you think? He’s only human. He’s fallen victim to love, and if you were experiencing even half of what he’s been for seeming eons now, then you’d understand it too.

It flourishes in his belly fast- the want to taste and take and consummate with you- pleasure reaching its peak as he keenly pumps his fist. He knows this is screwed up, he knows, but it feels so good and he just—

“Oh, ungh- pipsqueak-!” with a few sputtering gasps, he ruts his hips into his hand one more time before everything existing inside him erupts. He hurtles himself at the washing machine as it thumps, hugging your panties to his nose like it’s the one thing keeping him rooted in place right now and from buckling to the floor, dousing himself in the scent of you as his eyes flutter back. When he comes, he wants it to be to the essence of you and nothing else.

White gushes over the backs of his fingers; he rides himself through it, broad chest heaving as he talks himself down from his own high.

His inner dialogue is starker now as he settles and the desire searing his critical thinking abates. It’ll never happen again, he’s adamant on that. Because he’s more or less just betrayed your trust, to put it lightly, and it’s not right.

Guilt warms his heart to an unpleasant degree.

I-It’s fine.

When he’s done, he’s not quite comfortable with himself and the knowledge of what he’s just done- see? he’s not a completely depraved bastard, haha. He tucks himself in the waistband of his sweats with an almost rueful glance towards your hamper, grinding his jaw as post-nut clarity sinks its teeth into him— and pockets your panties.

It’ll make a nice triad to the other two he’s got stowed in his dresser.

You don’t need to know about any of this, though- you shouldn’t. Caleb’s the one who’ll shoulder this for the both of you. And if you come asking, he’ll just tell you the washer’s been eating up his laundry, too. No biggie.

It’s fine. What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

[stemmmm]

Don’t think about it. Don’t fall asleep. Don’t look. Not yet.

fanart for the latest chapter of Then It Becomes, It Becomes, It Becomes A Problem because holy shit

[foxfeast]

After everything is finally over and he’s happily married to the love of his life, Luo Binghe decides that he really doesn’t want to be the emperor of the demonic realm anymore. It was never his dream, okay?! He was only doing it to show Shizun that he was strong and capable of taking care of him, but now he just really wants to settle down in a cottage with his Shizun and raise chickens and grow a garden! He wants to be a housewife!

Of course, this means that someone else has to become the new emperor, so Luo Binghe goes to Tianlang-jun first to try and give his father his title back.

“Nope,” says Tianlang-jun. He’s never had an interest in ruling the demonic realm, and now that Zhuzhi-lang isn’t here to handle all the serious stuff for him, he has even less of an interest in it. Besides, he’s just gotten married to his Qingyuan, and he’s perfectly content being a pampered and spoiled wife of a Peak Lord! He has all the time in the world to get railed and read bad porn novels! He’s not giving that up for a title he’s never wanted.

Luo Binghe is frustrated, but he can’t say that he doesn’t understand his father’s sentiments, so he goes to Sha Hualing next. On the surface she might not seem like the perfect candidate, but she’s basically been running the demonic realm for Luo Binghe this entire time anyway. Plus, Luo Binghe is certain that Sha Hualing wouldn’t pass up the chance to beat his ass for the title.

“No way,” says Sha Hualing. Sure, it was once her dream to become the empress of the demonic realm, and she often fantasized about beating the shit out of Luo Binghe. However, she’s recently discovered the delight that is Liu Mingyan and now she has no interest in doing something that would take her away from her precious Mingyan. The woman is freakier than she looks, okay?! Sha Hualing is having the time of her life having the world’s kinkiest sex! There are even knives involved!

Luo Binghe can’t say he gets this, but he moves on anyway. There’s only one other person he can ask to take over the mantle, so he goes to Mobei-jun.

“…” says Mobei-jun with a scowl, which is the equivalent of him stamping his foot and shouting ‘NO!’. He’s never been good at ruling—he speaks better with his fists than he does with his words. Besides, after seeing all the bullshit Luo Binghe has had to go through as the emperor, he has no desire to become the emperor anymore. He’s no good at delegating resources or administration at all, and to be honest, he’s really bad at math. That’s why Qinghua handles all his paperwork!

That’s when it clicks in Luo Binghe’s head that the perfect candidate for emperor of the demonic realm has been under his nose this entire time. He summons Tianlang-jun, Sha Hualing, Mobei-jun, and the candidate in question to discuss this.

“I think Shang-shishu should be the emperor,” says Luo Binghe without preamble.

Shang Qinghua nearly faints on the spot. He thinks this is a cruel joke meant to fuck with him—everyone knows hamsters are easily frightened to death, after all!

Yet to Shang Qinghua’s immense horror, he sees the four most powerful people in the world taking this suggestion very seriously.

“I have no objections,” says Tianlang-jun. Of course he wouldn’t! The guy is so placid you could suggest marrying a fish off to a dog and he’d just delightedly agree! All he lives for is chaos and satisfying his own whims—Shang Qinghua would know, he created the guy!

“I agree. Peak Lord Shang is fit for the job,” says Sha Hualing. Shang Qinghua, while flattered by her compliment, trusts her judgement even less than Tianlang-jun’s. He knows that all this saintess cares about is having increasingly alarming sex with her wife. Additionally, she’s always been eager to shirk off the ‘boring’ tasks to other people. How is this any different?!

“Mn,” says Mobei-jun, gazing at Shang Qinghua with a small smile and eyes brimming with so much pride and joy. This is the equivalent of him jumping up and down and going ‘YIPPEE!’. Shang Qinghua can’t believe that his husband is actually supporting this notion, especially since he thought that Mobei-jun would want to keep him working in his palace forever. He seriously can’t believe this turn of events.

Shang Qinghua insists that he can’t be the emperor of the demonic realm—he’s a human, and a Peak Lord, at that! However, the demons in the room are not listening to him. Sha Hualing and Luo Binghe have already moved on to discuss the intricacies and delights of rope bondage, while Mobei-jun and Tianlang-jun have started kicking each other. In a last ditch attempt, Shang Qinghua turns to Shen Qingqiu (who is never away from Luo Binghe, not anymore.)

“Bro, you gotta help me out! Tell them I can’t do it!” Shang Qinghua pleads, clasping his hands together.

Shen Qingqiu just waves his fan and raises an eyebrow at Shang Qinghua. This guy! He’s such a fraud!

“Why not?” Shen Qingqiu asks. “You created this world. You have better knowledge of the demon realm and the tribes, culture, and future problems it’ll face than anyone else. Besides, you’ve practically been running the demon realm behind the scenes this entire time. There’s no one in this world more qualified than you. Why shouldn’t you do it?”

Shang Qinghua is actually kind of touched that Shen Qingqiu—and everyone else present, really—think so highly of him. And, honestly, he loves the politics and culture of the demon realm. He loves the demons that live there. He wrote this world, okay?! He’s allowed to enjoy it! When he first started writing Proud Immortal Demon Way, he was most excited to delve into the demon realm! Plus, Shen Qingqiu has a point, as much as it pains him to admit it. He really has been running the demonic realm in lieu of the actual emperor for quite a while.

Thus, he very reluctantly agrees. Still, he’s quite anxious about being a human running the demonic realm, and he voices these concerns.

“Don’t worry,” says Luo Binghe with a resolute nod. “I’ll handle it.”

Tianlang-jun, Sha Hualing, and Mobei-jun give their respective signs of agreement.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t know why this make him break out into a cold sweat.

This is how Shang Qinghua ends up battling Luo Binghe for twelve hours straight for the title of emperor. He wins not by might or force—Luo Binghe is overwhelmingly powerful, and he’d never throw a fight on purpose. No, Shang Qinghua wins entirely by outsmarting Luo Binghe, who offers his sincere and heartfelt congratulations.

He’s crowned emperor in front of the entire demonic realm. He was incredibly nervous about the reception he’d receive from his new subjects, but they just kinda shrug and go “yeah, okay,” as if it makes perfect sense for a human to be the new demonic emperor. Little does Shang Qinghua know that they’re only okay with it because he’s the one doing it.

There are a few demons who aren’t cool with this, of course, but with four of the strongest demons in the world backing him, there’s really nothing they can do.

In the end, Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe move to the countryside to live out their cottagecore dreams. Tianlang-jun goes back to Yue Qingyuan to become a trophy wife. Sha Hualing and Liu Mingyan release a very questionable novel in celebration.

And Mobei-jun finally gets to see his husband treated with the respect and admiration he deserves, all while getting to live out his fantasies of being Shang Qinghua’s little concubine.

[fanartsandstuff]

I just love ao3 authors

We live in a beautiful era of people not giving a single fuck

[ifyoucandaniel]

ummm so have y’all seen that GQ photo shoot…?

this is sort of a joke for @bluelotuswrites fic The Hellblazer’s Apprentice on a fun way for bruce to find out jason is in fact alive and well. it’s also just an excuse to draw all blades jason shirtless bc i’m a hoe 😔

edit: now with fic!!! please go check out blues fun fic about model jason!

[ohno-the-sun]

In another universe…

I just wants these kids to be happy

Next chapter of Under the Surface is out!! Go read if you like the story

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50109850/chapters/163160989

[lennonsforsale]

paul’s obsession with john’s glasses has to have psychosexual roots you would think he’s never met another person who wears them

[crsssie]

class cancelled. see you online - professor!simon riley x professor!reader

In the early years when he first started, Simon didn't cancel class. It was kind of well known at that point. He'd rather spend the class chattering about his wife than cancel class, so imagine everyone's surprise when he sent out the collective email detailing that he was canceling class because his wife was in labor.

What.

He sent them the slides for the day and a previous recording from a while back, letting them know that class on Thursday would be on zoom — a link that he will post onto the class canvas eventually.

He signs off the email with a photo of the baby locked by a password hidden in the slides, and he replies to everyone's congratulations once you're back in the home. He ends up staying back to teach the rest of the term from home because he was taking care of the baby

It was something briefly mentioned on his rate my professor, detailing how Professor Riley had "Moved the rest of our semester online because he wanted to stay home and take care of his wife. How did the school allow this?" and "I for one loved the online classes and congrats to him for finally being a father — 5/5 for my semester tbh" but truth was while the rate my professors ratted him out, his students didn't mention that class was moved online at the time.

So, when he lets his class know that he'll be out for a couple of weeks and moving class online, everyone sends in their congratulations early, earning a furrow of his brows and a laugh from your lips as he reads his emails to you.

"They really read their RMP reviews huh?"

"Sure did. I didn't even mention it this time. I barely talk about our daughter." He hums, hand on your bump as the second kicks at it.

"Well, I think I walked in once or twice." You hum. "Besides, they like it online."

"I do too." He mumbles, pinching at his daughter's cheeks as she giggles. "But most people don't pick up enough when you teach online."

"That's true." You take the berry from your daughter's hand as she hands one to you and presses another to Simon's lips.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

She nods, eyes glued back onto the screen as you glance at the recent check-up results.

"You bet Johnny's gonna cancel class too?"

"Heard he already told his students."

"Crazy."

[butterflyscribbles]

Wachowski Family HC List

Part 1: The Wachowski Origins

Buckle up bc I’m going way back straight out of the gate….the Wachowski family wouldn’t exist without two certain soulmates coming together after all.

- Let’s start from the very beginning….Tom and Maddie have at least known each other since grade school. In high school, they were part of the same friend group but Maddie had been dating someone else at the time. Tom had girlfriends “come and go” as his mom put it, but was single most of senior year.

- Tom was already en route to becoming a sheriff, having it run in the family and with his other two “lunatic” brothers on their way in to very different directions, he was on the way to being the lone and youngest Wachowski left to “defend Green Hills” once his dad retired. I lowkey feel like it’s actually something he never really wanted to do. It was more of a family obligation. However, he did like helping people (and he didn’t want to go to college) that was really the biggest draw for him lol.

- Maddie was the resident biology and animal nerd in her class. Her dad was a park ranger that worked closely with Tom’s dad at the sheriff’s office, especially for hunting/fishing license issues and animal control type calls. Watching her dad work was where she developed a love for nature and decided she wanted to be a vet.

- It wasn’t until one night senior year at a house party, Maddie’s boyfriend at the time dumped her just before prom. Tom, being a close friend and the upstanding “punch first, questions later” kind of guy we know he is, started a fight with the jerk that broke her heart. He skeedaddled with her from the party before Tom’s dad showed up to break everything up. ✨That was spark #1✨ They continued talking and hanging out more after that (it was also since then Rachel has been giving Tom the side eye).

- High school graduation came and went, Maddie went off to college and Tom stayed in Green hills and started training to become a deputy. He and Maddie kept in touch even when she was off studying. When she came back into town to visit her family, they would hang out and catch up.

- Tom’s dad passed away not long after he graduated and things were a bit rough for Tom at this point. His oldest brother didn’t even show up to the funeral and his other brother didn’t help much with the process. Maddie was a beacon of light in this darker point of his life.

- One weekend while he’s out driving with her during this time, they come across a fawn by the side of the road that (very clearly) lost its mom. Tom was an emotional wreck, not wanting to leave it behind. Maddie calmly helped scoop it up in some spare blankets in the back of his car and they took it to her dad so he could find the proper wildlife rehabilitator to send it to. ✨That was spark #2✨ They started dating the next day.

- Skip ahead a bit, they’re big in love. They move into a small condo type deal together once Maddie graduates college and starts veterinary school. Tom is working his three jobs to help her pay tuition: as a police officer, part time at a local sewing shop his mom used to work at, and taking odd jobs around town mowing, doing car repairs, landscaping work. He’s exhausted, she’s exhausted, but they love each other sm….they’re married 2 years later after he proposes on a camping trip (guess who was already on Earth and witnessed the proposal but was too young to even know what it meant at the time).

- Jump again, they buy their house after Maddie has been working as a full time vet for a while and Tom is promoted to sheriff.

- Maddie’s parents are both still alive and together though her dad is retired. Her mom wrote for the Green Hills newspaper for a good while on top of taking care of her and Rachel. Tom’s mom is also still kicking. She left her job at the locally owned sewing store when Tom’s dad passed and mostly just makes her living selling crafts and vegetables from her garden at the local farmers market while also giving local children sewing lessons. Tom is doing most of the supporting for her while getting some help from his one older brother who actually got his life together a bit and got a job in insurance. He moved back to Montana, but not to Green Hills. Tom hasn’t heard from his eldest brother in over a decade.

- They’ve been living in their house for about 8 years before the events of Sonic 1. They’re “too busy for kids” but they adopt Ozzy from a litter that was dropped off where Maddie works.

- Then we all know what happens next…

[choccy-milky]

Hello! When your Seb x Clora pregnancy one-shot is complete, will it be on ao3 or wattpad? (or both?)

waiting with bated breath btw

not pressuring a finish tho, take ur time Choccy 🥰

it'll be on both ao3 and wattpad!! and omg ik its taking long IM SORRRY, its bc its gonna be way longer than i expected LMAO, i just recently finished my outline and the outline ALONE is 41k words💀and im currently at 8.3k written😩🙏 IM GLAD YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT THO🥹💖💖i defs hope to get it finished by this month or die trying...but heres a lil sneak peek in the meantime of impatient seb who cant wait to bring baby celeste into the world LMAO🤰👼

(seb is a freak but so is clora)

[sunnydbeam]

Some Biohazard sketches

Haz is not usually too affectionate, or at least he is quite rough about it. But if he's in a good mood...

[ghostbsuter]

"Quick!" A- a girl? Wraps their arm around Steph's own, dragging her close and shielding their own face. Their eyebrows are knitted together, they're biting their lip.

"Pretend we're out together please– there are some creepy people following me for some time."

Steph's eyes narrow, she scoots closer, practically glueing herself to the strangers side and smiling brightly.

"Gosh," she starts, then lowers her voice, "what should I call you?"

They fumble for a moment too long, and Steph takes a leap of faith.

The blond grins. "It's been so long since we met up again, isn't it, Beatrice!"

The stranger plays along, giggling behind their hand. "I'm sorry, you know I've been terribly busy," they raise an eyebrow at steph, asking for her name silently.

"Agnes," she whispers, and they repeat. "Agnes! My cats have been missing you too, you should come over more."

"I will, I will," Steph promises, peering behind her to watch out, and just like her new friend warned her, there were some weirdos in white lab coats and some in suits walking around, searching.

"Thank you." 'Beatrice' whispers as they walk around a building, leaving the place in the dust.

"No problem." Steph replies with a smile.

They separate once far enough, and 'beatrice' fiddles with something before handing it to her.

"My number," 'beatrice' explains at the bewildered look. "You're pretty cool, I thought– maybe you'd like to stay in contact?"

"Yes!" She jumps at the opportunity, taking the number with care and getting out her phone.

"My name is Danny, He/him." they speak in low tones, steph following right by their side as they continue.

"Steph, She/Her." She shoots him a quick wink before sending a text and hearing the sound of Danny's notification ping.

"I gotta go now. It was really nice to meet you, steph."

"A joy for me as well."