#fine yeah 1 earnest post

[svt-kiki]

kiki in nana tour but shes upset that cheol couldn't be there and mentions him every 5 minutes ;o;

　🧺 𓏔 DON’T LET SEVENTEEN KNOW　　⌅ .

𝗡𝗔𝗡𝗔 𝗧𝗢𝗨𝗥────EP. 001　✦　01

　　🥥 ⸝⸝ 𝗇𝖺 𝗉𝖽 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗉𝗌 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝖼𝗁𝗂𝖾𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗆𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗌𝗂𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝗆𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇. 𝖽𝗈𝗇’𝗍 𝗅𝖾𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗆 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 — 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗉𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗂𝗌𝖾𝗅𝗒, 𝗁𝖾𝗋.

⌇ 2023.　kiki ( fem!oc ) x svt　2.9k　fluff, crack, messy writing, kicheol is rly strong in here so be aware　✉️　i said i struggled writing this and still is but luv the layout so trying to write and post it as much as i can... enjoy !

“i think she would be the hardest to fool,” seungcheol presumes. “if you want to wake them up one by one, i think it’s better to go to her first.”

it is september 7th, 2023. few hours ago, seungcheol received the surprising news from the staff — youth over flowers is actually happening.

na youngseok pd agrees, “actually we’re planning the same thing... maybe it’s insensitive for women to just storm into the room while sleeping, you know,” then pd crosses his arms, tilting his head slightly and murmurs, “i mean, is this okay for her? i hope it’s not too much or unnecessary,”

he’s implying that she could be sensitive to getting different treatment with the rest of the members. since day 1, she needs to prove herself constantly to make people believe that she didn’t end up in the group for just instant attention gathering but because she deserved it in effect. seungcheol chuckles with a hint of surprise, “woah, you’re really thoughtful. i think it’s alright but have you talked with minji noona? if she approves, i guess it’s more than fine.”

“yeah we talked,” na pd nods. “in fact she’s on our side.”

“ohh is that so? but it makes sense,” seungcheol looked impressed at how their team planned well to make it before na pd retorts. “but you didn’t seem surprised?”

“minji noona is the best at poker facing. she’s so professional, no one can detect she’s hiding or concealing the truth beside kiki, so it just makes sense you, or other staff on your side choose to include her, because she’s the safest person to entrust your secret.”

“oh yes, she’s kinda an earnest person?” na of snickers about the way seungcheol describes a famous manager of seventeen like a boss he’s afraid of, or wishes to not pissed off. 

[ 15 hours later ]

next morning, at four thirty, na pd dashed into seungcheol’s room. 

“seungcheol-la, how’s it going?” general leader stuttered to pd’s question as soon as he entered the room. “it’s in danger! she might have noticed it! i didn’t know if i glossed over well!” na pd is lured to his upset as well and quivers, “what- what do you mean? who’s she? kiki-ssi?”

“yes,” he continues after pacifying his own agitation. “after the concert she asked me to eat dinner together. i was already shaken up for the ask because i’m not confident i can stick through with the plan in front of her — which means i need to keep lying to her — but i don’t have good reason to decline, thus i’ve been like well, she should have no idea what’s coming, there’s no way minji noona spills it unless it's unprofitable for her, so i was okay, then after eating the dishes she really concerned about me because i looked tired,”

“you looked tired?” na pd tilts his head before cracking up a little for his response. “because i shooted this with you in the afternoon!” 

[ he was exhausted ]

“she was genuinely worried about me and i felt so guilty,” he keeps going. “it was in the tip of my tongue!” na pd pat on his shoulder and reassures him. “i know, thank you for bearing that for us seungcheol-lie. in fact we couldn’t decide which to call first between kiki and the boys who are still awake, what do you think? i thought maybe we should go to her first quietly, you or minji-ssi enter the room before us and make sure everything is okay?”

“sounds nice.” seungcheol nods. “then we can go to their room,” he waves toward the direction where mingyu and others are having rap battles. after the explanation from pd about plan to go into energetic kids, they stand up and sneak out the room together. 

kiki picks up the call from seungcheol earlier than expected. “yeoboseyo? kyoka?” he calls her by the birth name, indicating the bosom relationship they have. while na pd glances at the camera to how his voice softened. “hey, sorry to wake you up this early. can i come in now? …okay, good.” he gives a thumbs up to the crew. minji follows after him, entering her room in silence. pd and the other staff overhear them chatting some words in the room from outside without looking into before seungcheol pops out the head from the door. 

“good morning kiki-ssi,” na pd greets the japanese girl who's still half asleep. “it’s been a while, do you recognize me?” 

“...??? annyeonghaseyo...???”

[ politeness in full of question marks ]

“but... why... how...?”

everyone cracks up to her guiltless state while trying hard to keep their voice low. her dark hair was a bit messy but flowed down smoothly to her chest area over the sweat shirt. she blinks slowly as trying to process what’s going on right now. kiki just wakes up with her bare face but somehow it looks almost intentional. her skin is glowing and there’s almost no sign of any puffiness, leading the female pd’s voice of awe. she sighs in impressed, just murmurs “wow…” and that makes them push into another bursting out, while they edited her with glowing effects around her with the sound of birds chirping and flower petals blowing in the screen. 

[ living sleeping beauty is here ]

“wake up sleepyhead,” seungcheol gently pokes her head with a palm which makes her giggle with slight confusion. then suddenly, she snaps back into the reality and gazes all over those people in the room. “wait- is this- for real? it’s happening?”

“yes it is, and you’re the first one to know.” pd confirmed. kiki is delighted, she beamed to seungcheol and the words slipped out from her mouth. “cheol-lie! oh my god, it’s happening! we are going to...” then she realized. all of the emotions drop from her facade. “wait,” she mumbles. “are you not... going to say that... the...” 

he casts a look at her face changes before holding and caressing the back of her hand. “kiki, it’s okay.”

“i’m sorry,” na pd droopes his head in guilt. “we tried to rearrange after hearing this news but since you have fourteen of them, it’s really difficult to find another date.” 

at the moment, almost everyone in the room feels pain with her. the way her eyes roamed all over the sheets, backed to with seungcheol, moved with minji, then backed to na pd again, she clearly trying to hide the sadness for the sake of this filming. “ah- i understand. thank you for trying to make it happen for all of us oppa. it’s…sad but, can’t be helped right?” she holds back his hand and swings it a little. “i’m so sorry cheol,”

“i know. you don’t have to worry about me, okay?”

in fact, this is the true reason minji agreed — moreover, recommended — to obtain her first. kiki must be heavily upset about the fact that seungcheol can’t make it to this trip. she’ve already registered deep concern for his injury a few months ago as he joked that the doctor needed to reassure her more than himself. in addition, she’s the one who is excited about this trip the most. carats know how she seemed happy during ttt in house and other behind contents when she was spending time with all of them. now she needs to depart to the destination leaving him behind alone. it’s not easy. “now, put this mic on!” seungcheol giggles as he does by himself for her. after managed to slip away from her room — she added the black frame glasses on her face along with the mic in last second — na pd told her the plan to surprise dino and others. he added the mention of the glasses, “oh you dressed up?” to which she responds “i thought... i should just cover up for it...”

“what? you don’t need anything! i can’t believe you were asleep 5 minutes ago!” he affirms which cracks up her. 

[ now let’s visit the energetic kids ]

“why are they still awake and loud like this?” kiki is genuinely bewildered about the voice which is heard from inside to the hallway. she almost collapsed onto the floor to hold on laughter while lending an ear to their singing. 

then pd catches hoshi who just came out from the room. kiki pulls him closer and whispers to not speak loudly. surprisingly, hoshi perceives the assignment in a second, guesses its for the show that jun and minghao would star. 

“no,” she quickly shakes her head. “it’s youth over with flowers, soonyoung! it’s happening!”

“woah- really? like actually? how? oh my god,” it’s funny that his reaction was almost identical to hers. after receives the call from the member inside, na pd leaps into the room as answering to the phone. “yeoboseyo?” 

the double bed room turns into chaos immediately. they blart out what they want to say randomly as “wait, are we not going back to korea?” or “what will happen to jun and the 8’s show?” and it becoming out of control by each seconds. kiki just giggles next to seungcheol throughout adorable little brothers falling onto the bed out of intoxicate until two reveal that na pd came to tokyo via fukuoka, which is one of the most west side of japanese major cities, while tokyo is the east side. her eyes get wider, mouth slightly parted. “woah, oppa... you’ve really gone through it.” her calm wards somehow bring more laughs among the members. although neither she couldn’t maintain her composure once na pd spilled the beans about destination. 

“italy?” the voice of her and mingyu’s synched. “are we... going to italy? really?” mingyu drops his knees onto the floor, making himself into the posture of begging towards him. “seriously?” she joins him by words. “how did you-” she couldn’t grasp what’s going to happen at this point. is there any chance that 13 of them — not 14, her stomachs become heavier for the idea — will going to europe?

“y’all really drunk,” she snickers about how four of them, dino, mingyu, seungkwan and joshua, that their brain is only functioning half of it because of alcohol. their gaze is still blurred and how hard they tried to focus on the filming, they are already losing the game.

“seungkwan-nie, guide us. this is your field.”

by hearing her demands, the tangerine fairy suddenly remembers the responsible as a variety-assigned-member. “pledis really does it, really!” he repeats with excitement. 

and the rest of the time, waking up members one by one, she just constantly fixes their hair in the background and pds make sure to highlight her habits in the edit. on the other hand, she can’t help but look up at the sky for how many of them are sleeping naked. 

“it can be bloopers by any chance...”

“that’s why we wake up you first before going into your room...” pd taps on her shoulder. 

[ true strugglers ]

“and also why did they display their front cover magazines like it’s in a shop or something?”

kiki bites her lower lip, displaying her concerns about waking up the 8 at the end. na pd already worries about the task, harks that he expecting this fake tv program filming so much from the boys all this time. in the matter of discussing how to ease his disappointment in jeonghan’s room, kiki throws a question to joshua who’s sitting next to her. he recommended entering the room while clapping and applauding. the idea’s quickly adopted by everyone. while marching towards the last room, jun chortles. “sounds so much fun! i couldn’t believe pd was there when i woke up... when he visited you, noona?”

she shared what had happened. “i was woke up first. i’ve also surprised so much, failed to process it right away.”

“i know.” jun nonchalantly put his arm around her shoulder. “it’s still hard to believe what’s happening. taking this number secretly must be so difficult.”

“yes. they must’ve planned the details to not be doubted by us.” she approves. 

after storming into minghao’s room, kiki couldn’t help but to cast a smile in the corner of her lips. although she feels sorry for him, it’s still humorous how he reacted to this news. he’s clearly not contended, or convinced fully, so she choruses besides jun when he reminds na pd once again that they ought to make an actual program for them. 

“i know few people from tvn as well, i can talk to them if you want.” she amuses. na pd facepalms as if he was waving the white flag. “are you... blackmailing me?” she said nothing but just smirked, and nothing shook na pd to his core ever.

[ for the context, kiki starred in tvn drama “it’s okay to not be okay” as the main lead in 2020! ]

they inserted the clips from future episodes in here, as she got recognized from the people in italy time to time, being asked for taking pictures or autographing to them. they also mentioned to her acting career, for example psycho-pass: zero, japanese drama on netflix that recorded a massive hit internationally this year. 

in the meantime, they go off in all directions to prepare for a depart in 3 minutes, while kiki runs out from the 8’s room as think out loud. “oh what should i do...” 

she rushes into her own room leaving the camera behind. first she washes her face with a water, put on all in one gel to keep her skin from drying out. then she throws the bottle into the bag, changes into a pair of adidas tracksuit. after she changes, the camera crews asked so she let them come in. “oh sneakers... i need to wear those... and my supplements,” even if she’s in haste, kiki doesn’t look upset. she just prepares things in calm to not waste precious 3 minutes. “oh and hats and glasses, too.” she brought those from the table and put it in. in addition, she also joins the toothbrush group alongside with mingyu, seungkwan, dino and jeonghan. 

“oh no, i don’t have extra underwear...” as she naturally murmured, they inserted “???” subtitles in the screen, telling how she’s carefree yet being female idol. 

[ is this okay to broadcast…? ]

“what should i do…does pd mean including this too?” she stands in the middle of the room like a scarecrow for a second, wondering what exactly he meant. however, she just stop minding all business before heading towards the meeting room with her tote bag. after all, things will work out, right?

“you can’t bring the bag,” as soon as she sets foot in the room, the boys who’ve already arrived there chorused the same thing. “oh is that so?” but unlike they imagined, she just gave a nod of assent and put that on the table. “you… accepted very easily, aren’t you?” na pd tilts his head with slight confusion. she just shrugs and answers, “because i’m counting on you, since you are the one who said all-inclusive.”

[ !!! ]

[ unexpected attack ]

pd bursts out laughing. they also add the subtitle “huge responsibility” on na pd. “i mean… yeah… you’re right…” he stutters as whipping the cold sweat. “you really don’t have to worry. i’ve already talked with minji-ssi and she prepared essentials for you to avoid inconvenience.”

“then let me just take my charger.”

she picked out what she said, made comfortable next to the 8. after jun sat next to her, she giggled about how they looked like matching theme outfits since both were wearing set-ups.

“but it feels so good. i’ve never- or anyone never left a country like this before, right? without worrying the luggages like just going to convenience store in the neighborhood.” and that’s true. no one would think she’s off to italy when you look at her outfits. it’s as if she’s heading to the practice room like usual.

and the time finally comes.

“oh, wait, hyung won’t go?” wonwoo awkwardly turns back to seungcheol and hugs him outside of the bus. she just stands next to him, observing members say goodbye one by one through lonely eyes.

“i’m so sorry we are not together. i’ll take lots of pictures and send to you, hm?” she puts arms around him, holds him tightly.

“i know,” seungcheol pulls her figure closer too. he really doesn’t feel sad or lonely. of course he wishes he could go with them together. but he’s also happy that his family can experience a once in a lifetime vacation like this. he can already sees her walking by the beach, basking in the sun of toscana, smacking her lips to the pizza and pasta, being a bit tipsy for the glass of red wine. oh, he loves to watch her eating. she’s an excellent cook, but she also expresses her content fully when she enjoys eating. truthfully, kiki never eats just because she needs to. she always finds a way to enjoy the dishes, whatever it is. even in haste, she always begins the meals with little “itadakimasu,” without fail. it’s a common etiquette in japan to show gratitude to people who played a role in providing food—they also say “gochisōsama-deshita,” at the end. it’s more like a secular custom than praying before the meals or something, but she never misses those. it never changes since he met her for the first time. she changes a lot like other members as well. but she’s always the same girl in his eyes.

the girl, he cares the most in this world.

to avoid being dramatic, he let go her quickly. yet her scent of fabric softener lingers with him. his chest tightened a little.

“just don’t mind and enjoy, you little workaholic.” he makes a little mess with her hair. once again, she waves at him before getting on the bus.

now, it’s time to go.

© SVT-KIKI　/　2025 .　

(　tag list　)　@smh-anon @jennwonwoo @angie-x3 @scarlet789 @cheeksung @babilou-pov

[yuma-mukami-garden-god]

can you do a one-shot or a list of HCs (either one is fine) of yuma as your personal trainer at the gym and what he'd be like as one, and how you slowly start becoming each other's gym crush

💪 Yuma Mukami as Your Personal Trainer – Gym Crush HCs 💦

1. First Impression?

You were intimidated. Towering, loud, arms like tree trunks, and a grin that was more wolfish than welcoming. But then he said, "Yo, don’t worry, Sow. We’ll take it slow—ain’t gonna break ya... unless ya want me to."

...You weren’t sure if you were scared or flustered. Maybe both.

2. He’s All Tough Love Motivation.

Yuma doesn’t do gentle coddling. It’s all:

“C’mon, you can do better than that, right?”

“Don’t quit on me now, I know you got more in you.”

“That all you got, Sow? Thought you were tougher.”

Yet when he sees you pushing yourself to the point of pain, he immediately softens:

“Hey, hey—don’t wreck yourself. Gotta treat that body right, yeah?”

3. Calls You His “Sow” Affectionately (and a Little Teasingly).

It starts off like a nickname he tosses at everyone, but over time, the way he says it to you changes—more playful, more familiar.

He especially loves saying it when you blush.

“Lookit’ you, blushing just ‘cause I said your name. Cute.”

4. Always Spots You at the Bench Press—Even When You Don’t Need It.

Will 100% hover unnecessarily close behind you.

Big hands just barely grazing your hips to “help you stabilize.” His smirk? Infuriating. His scent? Distracting. Your reps? Unsteady.

5. Absolutely Flirts Through Stretching Sessions.

“Lemme help ya stretch that out—don’t want ya pullin’ anything, yeah?”

He’ll gently tug your arms or guide your legs, way too hands-on for a guy who claims he’s “just doin’ his job.”

Your heart races way harder than it does on the treadmill.

6. You Catch Him Watching You. Often.

Even when he's training someone else, his gaze strays. You notice. He notices you noticing. You both pretend nothing’s happening... until he grins, fangs peeking out.

“Like what ya see? ‘Cause I sure do.”

7. Starts Bringing You Protein Shakes He Makes Himself.

Says they’re “better than that chalky crap” the gym sells.

They are, and it’s sweet that he remembers your favorite flavor. He acts like it’s no big deal, but he lingers to watch your reaction every time.

8. Gets Jealous When Another Trainer Talks to You Too Long.

Won’t admit it. Just walks over mid-convo, slings an arm over your shoulders, and acts like he’s checking your form.

“Hey, Sow—don’t forget I’m the one who’s gotta whip ya into shape.”

9. One Day, You Call Him “Trainer Crush” as a Joke.

He freezes. Stares at you.

Then:

“Yeah? That so? Guess that makes you mine too, huh?”

And that’s the first time he looks nervous. Like he actually likes you.

10. Eventually Asks You Out Post-Workout.

Not fancy. Just a simple, “Wanna grab somethin’ after this?”

And when you agree, he gives you a rare, earnest smile.

“You’re the only client I ever wanted to spend more time with after hours, y’know.”

[steddieunderdogfics]

Looking Through Slow Glass by a_lil_a_lot

@ukulilyjane

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

4,634 words, 1/1 chapters

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tags: Angst, Pining, It's Mutual but Eddie is a Dumb Idiot, Photographer Steve Harrington, Jonathan Byers is a Sweetheart, Everyone Needs a Jonathan in Their Lives, Eddie Munson Needs a Hug, Post-Season/Series 04, Mild Suicidal Ideation, Hopeful Ending, It's Really a Happy Ending but That Was Not the Point of Writing it, Author Works Through her Issues in Fanfiction, No Beta - We Die Like Steve Harrington's Heterosexuality

Summary:

“You sure you want to do this?” Eddie asks, stepping to within a foot of the man, now facing Steve’s side, never taking his eyes off him. He’ll do it one day, Eddie’s sure of it, sure that he needs to, but it doesn’t have to be today. “Yeah. I’m okay,” he says, voice taught and quiet. Eddie hums in disagreement, making Steve chuckle lightly as he turns to face him, “You’re here.” It’s genuine. Earnest. And too much for Eddie to bear, pulls on every fine tendon holding his heart together and gently rips open the few stitches he had started to weave in, just to keep himself from falling apart around Steve.

Thanks for the rec! This recommendation is apart of our Writer's Wednesday! All of the recs today are written by @ukulilyjane . Want to nominate an author? Fill out this form!

You can submit fic recs to our asks or the submission box!

[tanoraqui]

Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: Reason with the Mad Mage & Diplomacy with Elves

Note: everything from here on is retroactive/reread, because I stayed up until about 6am on Wednesday night reading until the end because that was the only way to ensure that the characters would be okay.

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Hey look, now our protagonists are the food, instead of running around holding cooking implements! I'm sure that's fine!! (Look at that lion's eyes!!!)

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I really like how...everyone? In the pasty gets at least 1 fight where they're totally on their own, for whatever reason: Laios with the living armor and again now with all the dragons, Chilchuck with the mimic, Izutsumi with the succubi, Marcille with the rabbits... I note that the reasons for it are escalating:

Laios fought the armor-captain alone as a strategic choice, while the rest of the party distracted the rest of the armor in the other room

Chilchuck fought the mimic alone because the rest of the party was asleep down the hall

Izutsumi fought the succubi alone because the rest of the party was already down, though not yet dead

Marcille fought the rabbits alone because most of the party was dead and Izutsumi had fled

Laios fights the dragons AND the Mad Mage directing them alone because the entire rest of the party is dead

Solid writing, that. And Senshi...has a monster that is His To Fight, that is where we got some special Senshi character exploration, but the whole point of it was that Senshi, who had been alone for so long, now had people reaching out to hold him, and to make food for him.

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I just like when they say things outright. "Meals are an act of optimism." "Only the dead don't eat." Fuck yeah!

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EYES EYES EYES EYES EYES. Thinking a lot here about that post about how Thistle is a great example of an antagonist who is really truly too far gone to "talk it out" with. His intentions ARE good, and Laios sees that so Laios tries... and Thistle is also trying, it's just...the demon has been playing on him for too long with too much skill.

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He's so! Earnest! And young! It's implied that he dies in the end, and I do think that's a narratively solid and restful ending for him, but man I want this kid to live and maybe covertly tag along with Mithrun on exploring the risen kingdom and defending it from random monsters, and re-learning how to have healthy desires. I think it'd be good for both of them, and also, potentially very funny.

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me, 2 posts ago:

me, now: Ah, yes, that makes sense... Not our heroes but Someone sure is.

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Fucking love multiple consecutive dungeon lords going, "my last wish is to fuck that guy up."

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They're just...happy...

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Love love love Chilchuck taking charge when Laios isn't there, especially in the context of "imminent tense 'diplomatic' meeting." He formed a union! He's good at this shit, and he'd be even better at it if he didn't have the handicap of being disrespected as a halffoot, and it's wonderful to see him with a team that has learned to respect him beyond that prejudice!

Also, Senshi's tiny eye wrinkle of determination <3

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Never mind my previous comment. Chilchuck is never allowed to do diplomatic relations with the elves ever again.

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Kabru, internally: oh my god we're all going to die

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I'm just noting Ms. fresh-faced aristocratic scion and the handful of extremely competent, notch-eared criminals she's in charge of... The structure of this lead group of Canaries is very interesting, because Mithtrun is nominally in charge, and he genuinely does command in combat and other matters focused on immediate dungeon lord-hunting. But he's ONLY focussed on that, so Pattindol is clearly accustomed to taking the lead in situations with more social nuance... And the criminal members make decisions on their own such as to take advantage of Mithrun's typical disappearance to go snoop around this house... But they are accustomed, and I'm sure required, to have permission/orders from a guard to use their black magic specialties, see: the enchantment of Laios, Chilchuck & Senshi here, or in their opening mushroom fight when everyone was shouting out how they could kill the mega-mushroom.

...I'm gonna pay attention to how Pattindol and Flamela [I hope I'm getting these names right] interact later. The Canaries are such an interesting paramilitary unit.

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This is just a screencap of Kabru's life for the rest of his life. Good luck, Mr. Future Royal Advisor!

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Every good adventure story, and arguably every good story, period, reaches a point where to explain it makes you sound COMPLETELY insane - sometimes even with the context of the rest of the story up to that point. This...is very much that point.

I love that point so much.

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It's unreasonably stressful that Kabru's hands are obviously magically, invisibly handcuffed this entire scene. It's a metaphor for how he's handcuffed by the general threat the Canaries represent, of course, making him unable to warn Laios of the dangers of both the Canaries and of the demon. Being able to weird a sword would do nothing to help if it's going well or if it all goes wrong. But it's still stressful! And Laios doesn't know about the dangers just like he doesn't put together that Kabru is invisibly handcuffed!

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God I love Marcille. And her problem-solving methods.

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FINALLY, SOME GOOD FUCKING SILENT COMMUNICATION.

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So! A court magician's daughter clearly outranks an aristocratic scion sent into the Canaries to prove her family's loyalty to the crown. That makes sense.

Unfortunately, Mithrun's single brain cell, while focussed entirely on destroying the demon, is still capable of Insight checks, and the criminals are basically unfazed by the court hierarchy games that Marchille is trying to play.

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Why does EVERY elf assume that Marcille's great wish would be to be a full elf! I want to drop Elrond on these people and watch him verbally eviscerate them.

Joke's on you, motherfucker! Her greatest wish would (she thinks) serve all people, and has secondary effects that she could still enjoy!

Marcille: [hears Izutsumi lurking, ready to kick Mithrun in the face]

Marcille: Alright, time to tell a bishie to step the fuck off.

[alistair-blackwood]

Summary:

Kabru knew that this idyllic peace wouldn’t last but, for once, he fought against the urge to dwell on his worries. Not when he had the object of his fascination underneath his fingertips. Not when Laios looked at him with such naked, earnest affection. Not when everything was so delicately perfect.

Perfect.

Except for—

Kabru pulled away, taking a moment to relish the sound of Laios’ faint whine before putting on his most demure smile.

“It’s alright if you want to touch me, you know.”

-

What does it mean to feel truly sated?

Rating: Explicit Relationships: Kabru/Laios Touden Chapters: 2/3 Word Count: ~4.9k Additional Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Developing Relationship, Trans Male Character, Character Study, Post-Canon, Alcohol, Communication Issues, Frottage, Oral Sex Beta'd by @yuri-puppies and @tofixtheshadows

Chapter 2

The royal study, Kabru had determined, was the perfect place to conduct an unscheduled document review with His Majesty.

For starters, it had a soft, squishy chair with a wide enough base that Kabru could comfortably straddle Laios’ lap without his knees getting sore. The room offered a delightful view of the castle gardens, perfectly angled to avoid the glare of the setting sun and any prying eyes from below. But, most importantly, if anyone were to be seeking out an audience with His Majesty, his official study would be the last place they’d think to look. Anybody in the know knew the real study lay underneath a shady oak tree in the grand courtyard, and this suited Kabru’s purposes just fine.

Kabru dragged his tongue across the seam of Laios’ mouth, savoring the low sound that rumbled deep inside Laios’ chest. He whispered a scolding hush against whimpering lips. Nobody was looking for him here, yes, but that didn’t mean they had to go around tempting fate.

Laios hummed, leaning back to gaze up at Kabru with a dreamy grin. “You’re really good at that.”

“Thank you,” said Kabru as he brushed his fingers through Laios’ hair. “You’ve mentioned that before, you know.”

“Well, yeah, you’re still good at it.” He tilted his head up, gazing at Kabru with pleading eyes. “More, please?”

Laughing through his nose, Kabru leaned back down to fulfill his liege’s request. He did say please.

It was all so thrilling. Up until this point, Kabru had always followed the conventional wisdom of avoiding inter-party romance. He’d never had sex with someone he’d call a friend. He’d never even told his partners where he lived. After all, he hadn’t come to the island seeking romance. Better for everyone involved if he left that sort of thing in his old smut novels.

But the island and its grievances were behind him. Now, Kabru had been given the luxury of time. Time to nurture and grow something between himself and someone he cared about. Time to know someone beyond what could be learned in a single night. He had time to sleep in until the sun warmed his face, arms wrapped around a warm chest and soft sides. Kabru had time, a concept that occasionally overwhelmed him. How fortunate to have someone so eager to spend it with him.

Kabru knew that this idyllic peace wouldn’t last but, for once, he fought against the urge to dwell on his worries. Not when he had the object of his fascination underneath his fingertips. Not when Laios looked at him with such naked, earnest affection. Not when everything was so delicately perfect.

Perfect.

Except for—

Kabru pulled away, taking a moment to relish the sound of Laios’ faint whine before putting on his most demure smile.

“It’s alright if you want to touch me, you know.”

[Continue on AO3]

[burning-academia-if]

Happy 1 year to Burning Academia!! Aaa I love your works to bits and I swear I’m normal about your writing—I don’t go back to re-reading Beck’s backstory over and over as if it was one of my most favorite pieces of writing I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, nah, not me. Still, I can’t believe time passed so fast... I remember when altogether there were like less than 20 posts on this blog. I’m so glad many more people have found this IF since then!

For the prompt, could we get “please” for Beck? 🤲

Less than 20 posts???? I think that was like the first two weeks of this blog lol thanks for sticking around since the beginning!

Here's please + Beck!

Beck has his arms and head resting on your lap, eyes typically soft glittering with shards of mischief, and a boyish smile that no one else but you could tell meant trouble. You frown at him, not about to buy into the cute act.

            “Please?”

            “No.” You pointedly glance away, “I hate crowded places and besides…”

            You weren’t going to be fun at any event. All you would do would ruin it for him, but even saying that hadn’t been enough to deter him, “It won’t be that busy, I promise. You won’t have to deal with crowds or people being too close.”

            The irony of not liking people too close with him placed so perfectly on your lap, fingers lightly tracing meaningless patterns where they rested just above the knee. A part of you wants to believe he’s doing it without thinking. The other part of you thinks he knows exactly what he’s doing.

            “Why do you even want to go with me so badly?”

            “Why wouldn’t I want to go with my favorite person?” You hate how earnest the question is.

            It finally makes you look at him. He’s peering up at you, wavy hair messy and getting in his eyes. When he sees you’re finally looking at him again, his smile comes back in full force. He should be lucky he’s cute, “Fine, I’ll go. But only for an hour, and if it’s busy—”

            “We’ll leave, I promise. If it feels even a little overwhelming let me know.” He practically hops to his feet, offering his hand. You take it without thinking now, and pulls you up, his free hand finding yours so that he’s holding both. He gives your hands a squeeze, “Thank you.”

            “Whatever.” You grumble, and he gives your hands another squeeze. “I do think I deserve a reward for going outside for you.”

            “I’ll buy you whatever you want.” The warm glow of mischief is back in his eyes. “Unless there’s something else you’d like?”

            “Yeah, a nap.” You refuse to buy into it, and he gives a soft laugh before pulling you in for a quick kiss. You pull your hands away then, and he looks so perfectly content, that you think it’s fine.

            If he can deal with your prickly personality, you can deal with his extroversion. He’s quick to take your hand after you’re both ready, and you follow his lead out. Almost as content as he is. Almost.

[thepresentmic]

Regarding drummer!Bakugo... I want to my hat into the ring and add that what if Reader was the one who wrote the songs and after the whole break up with Bakugo, she comes out with her band and plays her new song 'Distracted' (by Honey Revenge). I heard this and I was like THIS FITS THE FUCKING VIBE!!

Distracted

(part 1 - still into you)

inspo for this part below

band!au

ʙᴀᴋᴜɢᴏᴜ ᴋᴀᴛꜱᴜᴋɪ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

follows directly on from pt. 1 but works as standalone

summary: your new band is making quite the name for yourselves after your introductory show. rumours circle but as the main songwriter, you've always been good with words

contents: part of series (?), light angst, post-break up, band!au, bakugo is bad at feelings, flashes between performing and old memories, no beta

· · ─────── ·☆· ─────── · ·

Excited muttering broke through crowd. nobody had heard anything from you for the last 6 months.

"Didn't she used to be part of dynamite's band?" someone muttered from the crowd. "i heard he dumped." "damn, they were such a good couple." another added. "do you think she's back for good?"

"Hi everyone, we're ____-" your voice cut through the muttering, ringing out over the mic. you commanded attention in that same way you always had for them. "This is our first single, it's called distracted."

The first few beats of the backing track began to play out over the speakers as shoto counted you in with light strums on his guitar.

"Hyper aware of any change in your voice. Yeah I can tell when I've stared to annoy." You sing out as you circle Sho, his tongue sticking out to make you roll your eyes, quelling a little of your nerves.

You walk led around the stage towards Shinso as he kicked in the drum beat. "Being alone is what I try to avoid. I put in effort but it just gets destroyed."

You circled back to the front, moving your body in time with the beat. It was an upbeat song despite the circumstances of why you wrote it. But that was how you dealt with these things.

"You seem so distracted with yourself, with yourself. Say I overreacted but it's hard for me to tell. You're my only distraction in this hell, but it's oh well."

───────

"Babe, I'm sorry." Katsuki wrapped his arms around your waist as you began to clear off the dinner table, blowing out the candles.

"Kats, it's fine." You shrugged off his arms, scraping the last of your date night dinner into the trash. He looked hurt, following you to try and take the plates and help.

"It was Eijiro, he and I were just working on this new bridge and I lost tr-"

"Honestly, don't even worry about it." You said, resigning yourself to the fact that you

You loved the band too, of course you did. The boys had become like family you, and you loved Katsuki more than anything. But it just- it sucked that you were a second thought.

Ever since the band took off, things were hectic for all of you. But you still tried to make the time for him. For both of you.

"I'll make it up to you." He promised softly, cupping your face in his palms.

Looking up into his earnest eyes, you believed him. He really did look apologetic. You leaned your cheek into the warmth of his callous palmed. "You better."

He smiled, kissing you gently.

"When have I ever broke a promise?"

───────

"I've gotten used to being the second choice." You sang out, making your way to the front of the stage between Sho and Tetsu.

"Can you hear me or am I background noise?" You grinned and leaned down to Denki as if asking him, smiling a little sadly as he yelled back that he heard you.

"I guess I'm only good for filling the void."

───────

"Stop trying to blow this up into something it's not." Katsuki yelled right back at you as you stood in the dressing room backstage, furious.

"You didn't even listen to me before you booked this fucking tour. I thought we were going to try and take some time, find time for us again?" You argued, waving around you.

"Look at everything we've been able to do because of the band. Why can't this be enough, just for now? Why can't I be enough?"

"Because this band is my fucking dream." He threw his hands up, exasperated. "I've been working towards this- we - have been working towards this all this time."

"I want that too. But I also don't want to lose us along the way."

───────

You put the mic back into its stand as the song fell back into its final chorus. It was beautiful put together, the boys had done a great job.

While you took a few seconds to bring you back to the present, Shinso took his drum solo, overlayed wtih Sho on the electric guitar.

You scanned the crowd, eyes finding all those all too familiar vermillion ones again.

"Don't mean to be a bother. I'll get out of the way." You held his stare, ignoring the pain in your chest, or the muttering of the people in the crowd.

"You were my one distraction, but I still wish you well."

[abracazabka]

Good Mx... I am here to ask about your favorite trans Dutch headcanons and if there are any pics you recommend 🫣

OH BOY A FAVORITE TOPIC OF MINE!!!

I'll start off this ask by recommending this fic, "Fight Like a Man" by my good friend @miyagi-hokarate , a mutual with whom I've discussed trans Dutch at length, and who has contributed to many of my headcanons about Dutch. Much of what I say here will be because of discussions with them. Now, on to it:

My idea of a trans Dutch is that, similar to a lot of trans folks (me cough cough) he has a pretty bad relationship with his parents, especially his dad. They don't like to acknowledge his identity or, really, their son. And at times neither does Dutch, for a while. He wants to prove his maleness through the only way he knows how, and sometimes that means hiding who he is. He has a lot of internalized misogyny and the militaristic rhetoric about masculinity Kreese spews has shaped who he is as a young man. (points very conspicuously to the aforementioned fic). However, post-TKK I do think he comes into his own as a proud trans guy and the Cobras are entirely supportive. Duh.

(I - we, I should say, as these are very joint heacanons - think Tommy knew first out of all the Cobras. Because I'm a Dutch/Tommy truther lol.)

Dutch canonically is a wild child and this would be the case with or without a trans identity. However, I think as a young kid he was a "problem child" because he knew basically most of his life he was a boy. (again, jerks my head in the direction of that fabulous fic). I think later in his life he is perfectly fine, however, referring to his childhood as "when he was a girl." This is a point of contention amongst trans folks, but as an older trans guy, and someone very blunt, Dutch would refer to his childhood that way.

Anyway I love trans Dutch because Dutch is soooo problematic. "Is that allowed, can you make a problematic character trans?" Yeah, sure, just did. He's my favorite terrible man in the world.

Now as far as photos, I dont really have any which mark Dutch as trans. Obviously the film does not present him this way, this is my personal headcanon for a good time.

But scenes I'd draw your attention to are at the tournament, when Dutch is waiting on the sidelines during the whole montage of fighting. He is bouncing up and down and cannot contain all this violent energy. This, in addition to the locker scene where he is very aggressive toward Daniel, is where my interest in his presentation of masculinity is most centered. He has an idea of a what a man is, and as we know from the whole damn plot of the movie, it's not the greatest. The Cobras have this toxic idea too, but it's so interesting for a trans guy. The scene with Daniel, miyagi-hokarate and I really obsess over, because Dutch has this intense aggression and hatred for how Daniel presents himself as a man. Daniel's masculinity is notably different than the Cobras, but Dutch feels he can't be the kind and earnest kind of young man Daniel is, because then he's not really a man. Because surely, Kreese is the best example of what it means to be a man...(incorrect buzzer sound)

I do suggest searching up trans Dutch on tumblr search, because I feel like there's at least 1 or 2 fanarts out there.

Sorry for rambling I truly could go on for an age but Uh, Nah Lol AJFJRJFJ but yes hehe. My fevered thoughts. Go follow @miyagi-hokarate if you dont already ❤️

[embraceyourdestiny]

This is about the people in the replies not only being nasty but straight up Ignorant about this post and how wrong they are about it and yet they’re asserting they’re right very Loudly and the whiteness is directly relevant because white people act as if they know everything while knowing nothing and specifically privileged whites who struggle with mental stuff will use their mental health as a Big Zinger and act as if they 1). Have authority on Everything including Being Correct and Struggling the Worst Out Of Everyone, as if their struggle is the Epitome of struggle which is not, including telling other especially black and brown mentally ill and disabled people they’re wrong simply because their obviously different experience doesn’t align with their personal white experience and being unwilling to listen to anyone else’s opinion because What No this is My Experience How Possibly Could I Be Wrong and 2). Being so. Annoying and specific about Who’s What. We are all so much more alike than different so arguing about this instead of laughing and adding anecdotes is dumb. Like clearly the answer here is this is a thing experienced by a lot of people so arguing (incorrectly at that) that one certain kind of person only or never experiences this is just Stupid and asserting that noooo no you HAVE to be this because I said so is just dumb and incorrect and it ties back in the point one in the first place. Privileged white people with mental struggles loooooove to argue about the dumbest shit because they Want To Be Right because they automatically think they’re right and it’s like no. You’re all wrong and this is stupid and it would’ve taken ten seconds either researching yourself or talking to someone else to figure that out but no we have to fight about dumb shit on a silly lighthearted post (ADHD people DO do this, so do autistic, OCD is compulsive literally in the title and not fun or comfortable and this is clearly a post about procrastination and doing something more appealing so again just all all wrong and yet yelling at people they’re right)

And to clarify no you’re not rude and yeah this would probably be the correct format to ask. I guess you could’ve personally dm’d but honestly on tumblr culture while that’s not weird it is a little direct when you don’t have to be, especially if you would like or wouldn’t mind others seeing this conversation. On tumblr people used to just have full conversations about post on the posts themselves but that’s kinda gone away with the merging of other social media culture but here that’s fine so all good. (Also you were very polite so yeah not rude at all thank you for being so kind and civil, never be afraid to ask questions if you’re earnest and I’m not upset to answer people who are genuinely asking)

[fostersffff]

Spinning off this response into a separate post because the previous one was already too gatdamn long but yeah, raytracing is a meme. Like, it's impressive on a technical level to be able to realistically simulate light, but for the last 20ish years game devs have (in a general sense) gotten really good at faking lighting. Outside of freaks (affectionate) like Digital Foundry, I don't think I've ever heard people gripe about unrealistic lighting in video games.

The nicest thing about the push for raytracing as far as I'm concerned is that when games have the ability to turn it off (or don't have it at all), the PS5 and Series X shine as "better performance boxes". They can't brute force AAA nightmares from poor performance, or optimize shovelware like Gollum or King Kong, but I think the only PS5 game I've played that has had noticable issues with performance is Stranger of Paradise, because Square-Enix still has some of that Size Queen brainrot from the XIV 1.0 days.

Besides that, there have been scant few "next gen" games.

Sony's Marvel's Spider-Man 2 is the first For Real Tentpole Sony has published for the PS5 that is exclusive to the PS5: Horizon Forbidden West and God of War Ragnarok were on PS4, and Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart and Returnal aren't console-movers.

Circling back to Square-Enix, they have been making an effort to push next-gen, but unfortunately their PS5 exclusives to date have been FF7 Remake Intergrade (DLC), Final Fantasy XVI (fine), and Forspoken (lmao).

Microsoft has put out one (1) game: Halo Infinite, which as far as I can tell died on impact (and also was available on the Xbox One). Even if you want to count Redfall (lmao), Hi-Fi Rush, and Starfield- which I don't, because they were all in active development well before Bethesda was acquired- all of Microsoft's exclusives are also on PC, which inherently removes some of the awe of "CHECK OUT THESE NEW CONSOLES!!!"

The situation is unlikely to improve very much any time soon; the only Microsoft exclusive with an actual release date is Obsidian's Avowed, and dollars to doughnuts, and the only non-live-service game I'm aware of from Sony is Insomniac's Wolverine, which is still also not dated.

My earnest hope is that Nintendo announces a Switch successor that is roughly as strong as a PS4 Pro/Xbone X (or stronger, but there are limits to plausibility), and that between that and how strong mobile phones are these days developers will just start targeting those platforms as their "primary" benchmark. Then, anything multiplat released on PS5/Series X can just take advantage of the extra power to run and look a little nicer, while Sony and Microsoft can focus on making exclusives that highlight Why You Should Buy Their Consoles.

[kombuuuu]

NEEDD someone to write more about simp!miles and how he finally asks reader out. I love him w the trope friends to lovers i definitely feel like he would try to ask his s/o out and fail to so many times😭😭

Jitters.

Simp!Miles Morales x Gn!Reader

“Oh my god you’re clueless.”

THIS WAS LIKE FIVE MINUTES ADTER MY CALL FOR POST LMFAOOO OKAY BBY I GOT U ‼️

2 + 1 Trope? Got that DOWN baby.

—

The first time Miles had ever met you, it had been the most bland, unimportant, nothing-burger of a day he’d ever been privy to living.

The weight of his classmates gazes settled uncomfortably, but familiarly, onto his back. The whispers they shared with one another having him strain to hear over the beating of his own finicky heart.

A boring, low effort slide show casted on a lazily erased white board was barely keeping him from falling asleep.

And yet his foot wouldn’t stop tapping, the nerves alighting something within him like sparks near a gas leak. The way his heart was beating wasn’t just from the whispers flown around he knows weren’t about him. (He couldn’t help it, what if they are?)

There was something else, like an anticipation boiling his blood vessels. Spidey-sense through the roof and heart rate accelerating.

He stanced his feet, twisting them slowly to shoot out of his seat when ready, as if a crazed, murderous version of him was going to burst the the door at any moments notice.

The handle twisted, his vision honed in, ears sharp-tuned to every movement the muse terry figure made.

And as the door swung open, the breath he was holding left him. Exasperation and amazement at the person in front of him, the harmless, beauty of a person.

“Ah. Mx.[Last Name], Pleasure of you to join us,” His Teacher snarked, adding a hasty ‘finally’ to the end under his breath.

Miles shot the man a dirty look before focusing back onto you, as seemingly everyone had.

You caught people’s attention from the get-go, aura leaking something trusting, something good. Like out of everyone in the world he could talk to, he knows you’d listen in earnest.

You made eye contact with him, your eyes glistening against the light of the projector, he almost sighed.

You looked away again, addressing your Teacher. “Sorry Sir, I didn’t exactly know where to go.” You politely laughed it off, disrespect to authority wasn’t exactly something you wanted on your track record the moment you got to this place.

“It’s—“ He dragged a hand down his face whilst you shuffled in your spot. “It’s fine. Just go sit next to uh.-“

Miles say up a little straighter, a silent competition with the other people in his class crawling for your attention.

“Miles. Morales raise your hand.”

He felt almost smug as he did Small huffs of disappointment coming from his undeserving peers. You smiled at him, waltzing over with a confidence he could only dream, and sat in the chair beside him. He watched you unpack your stuff as the professor drawled on, and when you caught his watchful eye, you waved.

He blushed. The whispers definitely weren’t about him now.

—

One.

You were putting you books in your locker when a small tap was placed upon your shoulder.

Catching your attention, you stuffed the remaining books inside carelessly and turned to face the subject of curiosity.

The boy you had sat next to your first date stood shuffling foot to foot before you. Nervously scratching his neck and kicking his Jordans.

“Hey I- Uhh.” He coughed, scared his voice would crack in front of you, he almost cringed at the thought. “I’m Miles-“

“Morales. I remember you.” You smiled sweetly up at him, you did remember him. It was no lie, he was kind of hard to forget. “Oh, you do?”

“I mean, you were the only one in that class willing to sit next to a stranger. And you were pretty nice about it too.”

“Uhuh, yeah, that’s me.” Only one willing? With a person like you showing up? The entire room was glaring at him.

“Thanks for that, by the way.”

You closed your locker and turned back to him.

“Yeah, no problem. It was no big deal, really.” He rushed out, your presence alone making him nervous.

“Anyways I-,” he cleared his throat again. “I was wondering if you’d y’know..” He looked at you through his thick eyelashes, god he was pretty. “I’d…?”

“Wannahangoutsometime.”

You stumped for a moment, trying to figure out what he’d just said before laughing lightly. He swears he saw heaven the second you’d smiled at him.

“Yeah we can hang out, right now actually!”

Grabbing his arm and walking with him as you chatted. His breathing stuttered, unprepared for your misunderstanding of his intentions, but okay with the outcome. Having your arm linked with his, pulling him wherever you wanted to go like some puppy. Giggling and whispering to him something he couldn’t pay attention to over the sweetened sound of your voice. He was pretty damn okay with it.

—

Two.

It had been around three months since you had met Miles. And although you hated the thought, you only had your mean professor to thank. So, kudos to him.

You were into the boy, no doubt. His charming personality additional to the kind of dorky thing he had going on, you loved it. A month after the initial meeting, he had finally got the courage to ask you to hang out with him. It was probably the most adorable thing you’d ever seen watching him stumble upon his words.

Now you sat with him on the rooftop of his apartment building.

A picnic blanket had been laid for the both of you by Miles himself, and his mother had made snacks.

You had just met his mother, Rio. The sweetest woman you’d probably ever met. And by the way Miles and Rio interacted, you could only think how good of a man he was.

You can always tell the intentions of a man, by his treatment of his mother.

“Your ma is really nice.”

“You think? She’s kinda protective of me.” He turned to look at you through his peripheral, leaving enough space it wasn’t obvious. “I think it’s cute, she cares for you, y’know?” You shifted yourself to face him, the Sundown light glittering against his smooth skin. He looked beautiful here, you thought. He looks beautiful everywhere.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Good, ‘s always good to know you’re loved.”

Miles’ heart stuttered in his chest, sucking in a quick breath and turning himself to face you.

“Mhmm.”

You looked up at him, leaning on your hand, drifting closer to him subconsciously.

He let himself drift as well, your voices quieting without either knowledge.

“Miles?” Your soft words questioned him, doey eyes gazing up at him, heart on your sleeve.

“I wanna—“ His sentence was cut off, a blaring siren sounding in his head, nerves.

“I think I might..—“

He huffed, mad at himself for being unable to speak.

“Do you want- Holy shit.”

You laughed, leaning back, a genuine glee in your eye.

“Do I want holy shit?-“ You giggled, he felt his heart flutter along with his disappointment (once more).

“-Not really, no.” You kept giggling, the serenity of your moment with Miles and his fumbling an apparent treat to you. He buried his face in his hands and groaned loudly. Only furthering your hysteria, “Leave me alone.” He dragged the ‘lone’ dramatically before flopping back against the blankets. Huffing and staring up at you from his spot. The smile on your face was a quick fix for his soured mood, not that it was that sour in the first place. But knowing a moment of undeniable spark like that, had you smiling and giggling after, even if it led to nothing. Had his hopes and his pulse rate rising.

—

Miles was head over heels for you. He was smitten, a total and complete dog for your affection. Sitting at home sulking when you weren’t there to hang out with him. Making you add his steam solely so he can play games with you.

A puppy of a man, god he wasn’t even ashamed.

“Dude, you just need’a ask ‘em out already.” Hobie served no help to his ever growing dilemma with you, but did serve to humiliate his seemingly non-existed romantic experience. “I’m *trying, man. They just keeps misunderstanding.” “Are they taking the hint?” “What hint?” He looked up from his slouched spot in his gaming chair. Spinning the thing in circles idly. “You haven’t given ‘em a hint?” Hobie blanched at Miles, like it was some obvious mistake.

“What. Hint.”

“Oh my god, Miles.”

—

He still didn’t get it, Hobie had explained his way of ‘hinting’ to someone he liked them. Through slight touches and subtle looks, a wink here and there. But not a cringey wink (Miles would argue they’re all cringey.), the ones where you feel like you’re part of a secret. This would be helpful to him, sure. If had hadn’t done everything with you already, except the winking, that is.

He did touch you, he did catch your eye when everyone else around looked away. He kissed your forehead and held your hand. You seemed borderline allergic to walking without you arm linked through his. All of there’s things that Hobie said were couple things, he’d already nailed. So why couldn’t you just.. date each other?

“I don’t know, it’s not like that.”

“But it is,” Hobie pointed to the centre of Mile’s’ forehead and flicked. “You guys are quite literally already dating.” “No, not really?”

“Oh my god you’re clueless.”

Hobie sighed, jumping off the bed and stretching his arms above his head. Miles grumbling a pouted ‘am not..’, Hobie settled him a look, taking a deep breath and continuing.

“Miles, mate, You both go to each other for comfort. You cry to each other, you find solace in one another. You touch and cuddle and sleep in the same bed.” He took another breath, seemingly needing a lot, “The only things you’re missing, are kissing each other for real. And calling each other your partners.”

“And if they end up saying no?”

“Then i’ll smash my guitar.”

Miles paused, considering the severity.

“Okay, okay i’ll do it.”

“Thank fuck.”—

—

+one

Miles had spent the better of an entire afternoon hyping himself up (and subsequently psyching himself out), before he finally had managed to make it your door and knock.

He was beyond nervous, the jitters in his bones crawling under his skin like spiders. Worse than normal, he observed.

A shuffle from inside your apartment had brought him back down to Earth. Everything suddenly becoming very real to him as you opened the door grumpily.

“Oh i’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“Oh, Miles!” Your pout had almost instantly been lifted, a smile grazing your face sleepily, it was so late, he shouldn’t have come.

“I’m so sorry- It’s late. I should—“

“No!”

“No?”

It was your turn to get bashful, twisting the hem of your shirt in your hands nervously. “Stay Miles.”

He softened, posture relaxing at your tone.

“Don’t want you running away again.”

That caught his attention. “Wha-“ “I was wondering when you’d finally show up outta’ the blue.” You glanced down to his lips then back. The amber in his eyes haunting your dreams, in such a welcomed way.

Miles couldn’t take it, with the way you spoke, so soft and fragile. To the things you were saying, confident and headstrong. He couldn’t fucking take it.

His hands shot up to your face, caressing the curves of your cheeks and slope of your jaw. The trails of hair behind your ears his fingers just grazed. He brought himself down to your height once more, standing on your porch step. Like some sappy rom-com.

“Tell me to stop.” He was near breathless. You didn’t, you didn’t say a thing. You simply carded your deft hands over thick curls, and pulled him down to meet you. His eyes fluttered closed and lips met yours. He felt like crying.

Like after the months of pining for you. For trying and trying for your love, for your affection, that everything in his life had only ever led to this one point. And everything farther was his happy ending. The spiders under his skin stopped crawling, settling into the crooks of his bones and finding home. He wasn’t shaking. He was still.

And as you pulled away to breathe, ogling up at him with nothing but love to give he smiled and laughed just like you did.

ITS FUCKING 3 AM I GENUINELY HAVENT SLEPT THIS IS SO CUTE

(he is ⬇️)

[charkyzombicorn]

Long post ahead!

How the strawhats (+ Ace, Sabo & Law) react to L(uffy), N(ika) and B(oth):

Zoro

L: 4/5 One point deducted because he's less emotionally stable and that's annoying

N: 3/5 two points deducted because Nika wrings out Luffy and really can't take anything seriously

B: 5/5 obv

Nami

L: 3/5 he's more serious but he's still fight for all of them, but he's more prone to arguing with Nami without Nika

N: 1/5 yeah its part of Luffy but it's the worst part and she doesn't trust it when Luffy's not there

B: 4/5 Yeah he's childish and annoying but he's earnest and she loves him

Usopp

L: 3/5 Usopp can trust him but he's not as fun

N: 1/5 He doesn't trust That Thing, it scares him, and it doesn't stop staring at him

B: 5/5 That's his captain!!! Best guy ever, a little stupid but that just means he likes Usopp's stories more

Sanji

L: 3/5 stop arguing with Nami u bastard

N: 0/5 stop enforcing ur own will over Luffy's freedom u bastard

B: 4/5 stop breaking the fridge lock u bastard

Chopper

L: 2/5 whys he so angry?? He barely plays with Chopper but he's more compliant

N: 4/5 super fun but. It's eyes scare Chopper. There's madness in that smile and it's funny until it's not

B: 5/5 he's rebellious but he trusts Chopper to handle himself and he's fun to play with

Robin

L: 5/5 That's her captain and he can do no wrong

N: 5/5 That's her captain and it can do no wrong

B: 5/5 That's her captain and he can do no wrong

Franky

L: 4/5 He's a little angry but that's a-OK and he's loyal to his family so that's good

N: 4/5 It's funky and it helps Luffy's issues

B: 5/5 👍🌟😎🌟👍

Brook

L: 5/5 He still likes music and is perfectly kind to Brook. Understands what Brook needs during his Episodes more than a kid his age should

N: 2/5 fun to party with but its presence has hurt Luffy in the long run and that's Brook's captain

B: 5/5 That's just Luffy with different flavored mental illness

Jimbe

L: 5/5 He's come a long way and is loyal above all else.

N: 0/5 it has made Luffy emotionally reliant on it in the past, it may do so again, and Jimbe doesn't like it

B: 4/5 Jimbe thinks Luffy needs to overpower Nika like a cursed sword instead of working with it

Ace

L: 4/5 Ace can't emotionally rely on this Luffy but he very much cares abt his little brother.

N: 2/5 it doesn't care abt Ace, Ace doesn't care abt it

B: 5/5 if the df makes Luffy happy Ace is happy

Sabo

L: 5/5 not quite the kid he remembers not quite the Ace he remembers but that's his little brother and Sabo supports him 100%

N: -5/5 that thing being there changes Luffy, makes him less free, and Sabo Hates That

B: 5/5 Thats almost the kid he remembers! Sabo is very proud of him

Law

L: 5/5 Luffy is loyal and kind and this one listens to him more

N: 1/5 doesn't trust it and it scares him a little

B: 4/5 please seek help

Luffy

L: 0/5 having no fun, weak little crybaby, he only hallucinates Ace & Sabo when he's himself

N: 4/5 as long as Luffy's there to keep it from its apathetic impulses they're fine, it's stronger than him and can protect the people he loves better

B: 5/5 perfect balance

[maxwell-grant]

Bingo: Speedwagon

Oh man, I missed the chance to post this on October 16th, Speedwagon's canon birthday! My blunder, everyone, I'm sorry.

Do I even have to say I love Speedwagon? Everyone loves Speedwagon, even people that dislike Part 1 love Speedwagon, and I'm on the record stating Phantom Blood's my favorite part. But yeah, I love Speedwagon, I love the roles he plays, I love what he does for the story and JJBA as a whole.

I love that Speedwagon is a cartoon gangster named after a 70s rock band with a razor-bladed boomerang hat and who walks around saying he can SMELL evil. A dude who gets kicked in the face ONCE and immediately commands an army of thugs from the nastiest street in London to stop, and let the protagonist pass through unharmed, on top of swearing lifelong loyalty to the guy on the spot. A dude who walks into hell with no superpowers to fight off zombies with a giant hammer. a dude who gets Scrooge McDuck-level rich by sheer accident and proceeds to start a foundation that exists to fight evil, in order assist the family of the guy who kicked his face so hard his entire moral character did a 180. A DUDE WHOSE PIPING HOT ABS ARE ENOUGH TO STAVE OFF SUPERNATURAL FROSTING, is a dude who is, comparatively speaking, one of the more normal JoJo characters. Speedwagon sets the tone for the entire series from the get-go, the first intrusion of the "Bizarre" into JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

I love that Speedwagon is, in a way, the voice of Araki. He follows the role of anime hypeman as the guy who stands in the sidelines narrating everything going on in detail and making sure everyone knows how deeply cool his buddy JoJo is and how deeply evil his enemy Dio is and how much JoJo needs to kick his ass and SAVE US ALL, and he does that better than anyone, but he's also the character most important for Araki to convey points of characterization too. When he looks at the scene where Erina's taking care of Jonathan and drawing attention to her hands, her hands! This fine lady's hands are all cracked and calloused! She must have been tending after JoJo's burns for hours! Why would an ordinary nurse be this devoted?!!! and, just, why would you ever want this kind of information conveyed to you through an ordinary narrator when you can have The Meddlesome Dastardly Interrupting Speedwagon excitedly narrate things to you that you need to know?

Or when Speedwagon quite literally acts as Araki's voice in the text to tell us that Dio's lying through his teeth in using his poor background as an excuse for his evil, and Speedwagon of course exists to provide this contrast because he himself is a dirtbag from the slums and yet, HE KNOWS TRUE EVIL WHEN HE SMELLS IT, or later when Dio's freaking out over the Hamon rose in his eye and Speedwagon pointificates THERE IT IS! HIS CHEAP SOFISTICATION, NOTHING BUT A MASK!, just, man, I live for Speedwagon shittalking Dio like this. This is exactly the kind of character needed to sell the pro-wrestling nonsense of early JoJo to a 2010s irony-poisoned anime audience, sometimes you absolutely need a highly enthusiastic Captain Obvious to narrate and announce these things and make it clear that this is what the series is about and it’s not gonna be tongue-in-cheek about it, this is the completely earnest ridiculousness you signed up for, get with the program. 

I love this moment, so much, and what it informs about their dynamic. I do like that Speedwagon is also to show how dramatically the stakes raise upon Dio’s transformation to vampire, where Speedwagon, a big shot criminal who'd given Jonathan a rough time and had been instrumental in taking down Dio, is completely and utterly powerless before him now, but even after seeing Dio rise from the grave and slaughter officers before him, Speedwagon doesn’t bat an eyelid at shooting Dio in the forehead to protect Jonathan, who still couldn’t bring himself to fire at him. I like that Speedwagon does the best he can even while being helpless, whether it’s the aforementioned ab-based cooldown or shouting warnings towards Jonathan or holding off zombies with a giant hammer or, y’know, dedicating the rest of his entire life towards helping raise Jonathan’s son and grandson and establishing a foundation for the purpose of helping fight off supernatural evil and assisting the Joestars even after Speedwagon’s death, even to the point of dying a bachelor at the age of 89. Little things you just do for your buddy, y’know, after he kicks you in the face that hard, and not even hard enough! 

Like, the crux of Speedwagon’s entire initial admiration for Jonathan is that, while he was in the process of mugging him and sawing straight through his arm, Jonathan didn’t kick him hard enough to kill him despite being able to! That was enough for Speedwagon to command the ENTIRETY OF OGRE STREET to stop so he could ask Jonathan why (and ALL OF OGRE STREET stops when they hear Speedwagon, not even threatening them, just saying he wouldn’t forgive them if they attempted anything, and honestly that in it’s own already says a ton about the kind of prestige and influence Speedwagon must have had), and upon hearing that Jonathan was worried about Speedwagon’s life and the possibility of upsetting his father (which Speedwagon immediately thinks as naive), upon noticing that this towering nobleman didn’t even hurt his stabby friends too badly either, immediately started calling him friend and decided to help this guy, also partially to make up for slicing open his arm. 

This is an incredible introduction to a character, and one that I think implied some pretty fascinating storytelling threads for Speedwagon, even some pretty sad ones, considering Speedwagon’s instant dismissal of Jonathan’s concern for his father, and the fact that all it took for Speedwagon to turn his life around was getting kicked in the face more nicely than he expected to, by someone who could have killed him but chose not to. As funny as it is, it sets up a pretty damn morbid idea of what kindness even looks like to him. More importantly, it helps to set up Jonathan as an archetypal paragon to match Dio’s supreme evil, because Speedwagon starts off a bad guy, but he’s a human bad guy (the first of many JoJo characters to follow the “you beat me up, we’re friends now” shonen school of redemption), one who becomes small and petty by comparison to the greater evil  at play, and through contact with Jonathan, Speedwagon finds a better purpose. Even when following Jonathan into hell and meeting horrors beyond anything he could have imagined, even when despair and fear hit him hard, he still throws Jonathan his sword and does what little he can to make a difference, and that little eventually turns into a lot. 

I love that Speedwagon, a lowly street thug born into functionally identical circumstances as Dio (and without the 7 years spent as a privileged son of a noble family), who showed up almost specifically to shit over Dio and the idea that his background is an excuse, proceeded to achieve the riches and prestige that Dio backstabbed the Joestars in pursuit of, and used them to become the single greatest force of good in this world. Even decades after his demise, the Speedwagon Foundation is still around, providing ambulances and vehicles and resources and doctors and the means for the Joestars to be helped out and provided for, all the way to Stone Ocean in 2012 with Speedwagon Foundation doctors working around the clock to keep Jotaro Kujo alive, a full 60 years after Speedwagon’s demise. 

He wasn’t a Joestar, he wasn’t a supernatural force or able to fight them, and he still stood his ground and pulled his weight to the bitter end and beyond to make the world a better place and make sure his friend didn’t die for nothing. Speedwagon rules, plain and simple. Completely deserves his status as a fan favorite and I’m glad he was never entirely forgotten.

[marley-manson]

@charlesemersonwinchesteriii replied to this post:

I never really understood why people kept calling that scene a big hawkbeej moment, so I'm relieved I'm not alone in that haha. Also you make an excellent argument that Hawkeye doesn't actually "get worse" as the show progresses, which I'd never thought about before! I know people talk about his coping mechanisms becoming less effective in later seasons and I always just passively agreed with that cause I'm not super focused on him and also I've never watched any of the episodes in order (woops!) but now you're making me really think about it..... hmmm..... I can totally see this as another instance of fandom seeing a character arc where there isn't actually one, just like with Charles. Just for myself, the only concrete change I could point to noticing is the obvious and intentional "learns to Respect Women" thing. But I don't know if that's just me not being smart enough to see things lol

lol yeah to me it’s like, yep BJ’s def acting like a guy who’s known Hawkeye for a couple weeks and is totally out of his depth, which is fine and understandable but not really shippy to me. But also tbf I’d prefer that even if I was a huge hawkbeej shipper because I’m not much of an ‘instant magical connections and understanding’ person when it comes to romance tropes anyway.

But I mainly c/ped your comment so I could respond at greater length to the rest of it, so! I definitely don’t think you’re missing anything (and ik we’ve talked about it before but yeah I also very much agre with you about Charles).

tbf I think Alan Alda is the one who said that Hawkeye’s coping mechanisms get less effective, but it’s not the first time I’ve disagreed with his takes on the show lol. And I don’t have a fully solidified take on Hawkeye’s “character arc” tbf. But yeah my impression is that it’s not that Hawkeye changes, it’s that the tone of the show changes. Hawkeye does get more dramatic episodes and he does get more sad monologues as the show goes on, but he never stops balancing them out with humour and hope, he had plenty of sad monologues in the early seasons too, and he never falls apart to the extent that he did in Dr Pierce Mr Hyde or The Late Captain Pierce. Some of the later episodes reference the war getting to him and making him act out in petty ways, eg Dear Uncle Abdul, but like, so did Bananas Crackers and Nuts, the 7th episode of the show. Plus arguably his worst experience throughout the show, give or take GFA, was season 1′s Sometimes You Hear the Bullet, with Abyssinia Henry not far behind either.

He’s always been portrayed as someone who feels deeply and is greatly affected by the war and who’s barely coping - the funnier tone of the early seasons made it slightly less obvious, but it’s still pretty apparent. The dramatic tone of the later seasons gives the writers more leeway to show how affected he is, but again like, he’s never worse than he was in some of the earlier eps until the finale. And I tend to think that the prevailing idea that Hawkeye gets steadily worse emotional stability and mental health-wise throughout the show sells the early seasons short. If I mentally sort of compensate for the tone shift in my head, I don’t see Hawkeye changing - I just see the stress being framed with more black humour in the first half of the show and with more earnest drama in the second half.

I mean logically it makes sense that the more time you spend in a war zone the worse you’ll feel lol, and with the tone shift it’s easy to see why it’s such a common take. But yeah, I just don’t see it myself, at least beyond a potentially deliberate sense of exhaustion in season 11 when they knew they were wrapping up.

And actually I also think the respecting women angle is like, not really the case, imo? I think it’s something the writers were sort of trying for so it’s definitely telegraphed as a thing in several episodes, and it’s kind of become common knowledge that Hawkeye gets more respectful towards women so I def don’t think you’re wrong to pick up on it. I just think the writers failed to sell it at all lol. Like he presumably learned a lesson in Inga eg, but it’s forgotten afterwards as the show goes right back to using his now pathetic attempts at womanizing as a source of humour. He’s definitely less crass to Margaret when they become friends but he never completely stops objectifying her. He has a sad monologue about not wanting to date a 20 year old because he’s too jaded in Show Biz, but he turned down even just casual sex with a 20 year old in season 3 because she was too young for him, so that’s not actually a change, as much as the writers tried to make it seem like one.

And Who Knew (nonsensically) recontextualizes his womanizing as a fear of committment and emotional vulnerability (in the satirical seasons it was a distraction from the war) and suggests Hawkeye getting over that, but Who Knew is ooc, and again he goes right back to pathetic womanizing in other season 11 episodes, like Blood and Guts. He even hits on an orderly in the psych hospital in GFA lol, and the Hawk/Margaret kiss is a (frankly cute imo) throwback to early sexual harassment-y episodes like There’s Nothing Like a Nurse where he kissed her goodbye, or Abyssinia Henry where he told Henry to kiss her goodbye lol. So like, if the writers were aiming to show Hawkeye changing his attitude towards women, I don’t think they did a very good job, basically.

But yk I do think it’s fair to take the later seasons in the probable spirit intended and view Hawkeye getting less misogynist as an arc. I just don’t personally. But also I don’t think Hawkeye was ever misogynist in the way Inga implied, and I think the later show often misrepresented the womanizing a little to condemn it (eg Show Biz and Who Knew again) so yk. I just prefer a happy medium there lol

[tyrantisterror]

I posted 1,921 times in 2022

484 posts created (25%)

1,437 posts reblogged (75%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tyrantisterror

@cerothenull

@hiboudeluxe

@dragonzzilla

@maplesamurai

I tagged 360 of my posts in 2022

#wizard school mysteries - 35 posts

#midgaheim - 33 posts

#tt liveblogs evangelion - 22 posts

#as a treat - 7 posts

#tyrantis - 6 posts

#the atomic time of monsters - 5 posts

#but i'm doing my part - 2 posts

#typhon - 2 posts

#echidna - 2 posts

#i wanted to use the i'm doing my part gif for this - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#when a horror story gets vast critical acclaim there will always be some critics who try to recategorize it as something other than horror

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I found something hiding in the pokemon aisle...

What is this?  Knockoff Pokemon cards?  Unexpected, perhaps, but nothing exceptional... or are they?

See the full post

744 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

#4

You could not stage a visual shitpost more mind-shattering than this video.

1,481 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

#3

Just came across an episode of the 60′s Addams Family TV show where the Addamses take in a greaser motorcycle punk and, as you would expect, are absolutely delighted to have him as a houseguest.

And, like, the normal episode formula for this show so far has been “Some new normie meets the Addams family with some sort of ulterior motive, gets freaked out, and eventually abandons their schemes out of fear.”  But while the episode began in that direction, the greaser actually starts to like the family because, you know, they accept him for who he is.

It turns out his dad is trying to track him down and make him conform to societal standards, and the Addamses, not knowing this, invite the dad over for a birthday party they’re throwing for the kid.  And though the dad is also initially put off by the Adams family, he sees how his son loves them because they loved him unconditionally, and is shamed into opening his mind towards his son.

And fuck, man, it got me because I did not expect something that earnest from a 60′s sitcom, especially one as gleefully irreverent as this one.  The tumblr posts are right, the Addamses would accept you for who you are.

6,845 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

#2

Rescuers Down Under doesn’t get enough credit for a lot of things, but one creative choice in particular that I think should be talked about more is the movie’s decisions to mostly have real life fauna but then also making one of the main characters a dinosaur-sized eagle and just act as if that’s a thing that already exists.

Marahute is a gift.

13,971 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Conservatives yap and yap all the time about how kids don’t understand “woke” culture, but today the school age kids at the daycare had a field trip to a park and saw a really weird swing, and one immediately said “that’s for people with disabilities.”  And the others were like, “Oh, people with disabilities, yeah that makes sense.”  Like, the whole, clunky, politically correct phrase.  These are kids who spend most of their time on tablets and don’t like using five words when three words would do, and they said that phrase like it was natural to them.

Sometimes my kids will be making up characters and write pronouns on their pages.  One day a girl turned to me and said “This character is they/them.”  They don’t think of it as a foreign concept - different genders are just as new a concept to them as all the other stuff they’re learning at this age, and like all that stuff, they regard it not as something to fight about, but just another facet of the world to learn, understand, and incorporate into the stories they create.

The kids handle learning these things just fine.  It’s the adults who are moaning pissbabies about it.

41,023 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[fireladybuckley]

It Isn’t in my Blood

Fandom: 9-1-1 Prompt:  Inspired by @kitkatpancakestack‘s “what if Buck finds the pamphlet“ post Pairing: Implied future Buddie - Evan Buckley (Buck) x Eddie Diaz Word Count: 2,330 Summary:    SPOILERS - A 5x01 missing scene - Buck finds the pamphlet on anxiety and panic attacks given to him by the cardiologist at the hospital and encourages Eddie to tell him what happened. Eddie breaks down and admits that maybe not everything is okay.

Beta’d by @firemedicdiaz​ Thank you babe <3

Read it on Ao3

             “I’ll just be a minute, you staying here?”  Eddie asked, hopping out of the truck and looking over at Buck.

              “Sure, sounds good,” Buck said, yawning.  Eddie nodded and closed the door, hurrying up the sidewalk as Buck settled back in his seat.  It had been such a long, chaotic shift and Buck was exhausted; Eddie just had to drop off a form at Christopher’s school and then they were going for breakfast.  Buck figured he had time for a short nap and shut his eyes, but sleep wouldn’t come.

              After a while it became apparent that Eddie was going to be longer than he’d said, and Buck was getting restless.  He grew bored quite easily of late, so he began poking around Eddie’s truck - changing the radio station, fiddling with the air freshener.  Absently, Buck hit the button on the dashboard that opened the glove box in front of him and looked down into it, wondering if there were any travel brochures left in there from a previous road trip that he could look at.   Instead, he pulled out a very different kind of pamphlet that looked like it had been shoved in carelessly and as he read the front, his eyebrows contracted with a small frown.

              Understanding Anxiety and Panic Attacks - Recognize the Signs and Symptoms

              Underneath the pamphlet were a couple of folded sheets of paper.  Upon quick inspection, Buck saw that they were discharge papers from the hospital dated a few days earlier with Eddie’s name in the patient field.

              Buck’s heart squeezed painfully as he stared at the slightly crumpled papers and then back at the pamphlet, realizing what it must all mean.  Buck had been startled earlier in the shift when that doctor had called out to Eddie, but Eddie had been very resistant to talking about his trip to the hospital.  Buck had dropped it for the time being as they had been chaotically busy the entire shift, but he had always intended to grill Eddie about it later.  Now, he suddenly understood what must have happened.  He knew from experience how scary panic attacks could be, how they could feel like a heart attack, especially if a person had never had one before.  

              He remembered how uncomfortable Eddie had looked when Buck had tried to confront him.  Buck knew how much Eddie relied on everyone thinking he was this stoic, unmoving rock, because it allowed him to hide his feelings and keep everything bottled up.  Buck was well aware that he himself and Bobby were the only two people that Eddie ever opened up to, and it made Buck’s heart hurt as he considered how shaken up Eddie must have been by the whole incident to be so resistant to telling him about it.

              Buck sighed, wishing he had known, thinking about how he could try to help Eddie as he skimmed the pamphlet.  He wanted to help, hating the idea that Eddie could be going through this alone.  He distinctly remembered how Eddie had tried to drag Buck out of his horrible depression and anxiety after the fire truck had crushed his leg and he wanted to be there for Eddie in turn.  Buck knew that Eddie had Ana, but if Buck was right about their relationship, he suspected that Eddie would be uncomfortable talking to her about his emotions.  He’d always had the feeling that while Eddie clearly liked Ana and they got along well, their relationship wasn’t particularly deep and Buck knew that Eddie had to really trust someone before he would open up.

              Lost in his thoughts, Buck was still looking at the pamphlet in one hand, the discharge papers held loosely in the other, when Eddie returned.

              “Alright, that’s all done, let’s go t-- Buck, what the hell?”

              Buck jumped as the driver’s door opened and Eddie swung himself inside, only to freeze when he saw what Buck was holding and reading through.  Buck started to stammer as Eddie snatched the papers and pamphlet out of his hands and threw them back into the glove box, snapping it shut and staring straight ahead, his chest rising and falling quickly, his jaw set.

              “Eddie, I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop, I just found that in the glove box and I couldn’t help looking at it…”

              “It’s fine.  It’s nothing.”  Eddie’s voice was clipped, and Buck could tell he felt vulnerable and was not pleased about it.  

              “I mean, it’s not nothing,” Buck replied cautiously in a coaxing tone.  He hadn’t been planning on talking to Eddie about this before breakfast, but then there was no time like the present.    “Is this why you were in the hospital the other day?”

              Eddie shot him an annoyed look, because it was obvious that Buck had seen the discharge papers so the question was redundant, but then he sighed and nodded.

              “Yeah.  I’m fine though.”

              “Eddie… you’ve been through so much.  There’s no shame in having a panic attack--” Buck began, but Eddie started the truck and cut through his words sharply.

              “I don’t panic.”

              Buck frowned as Eddie pulled away from the curb and began to drive without saying another word.  Deciding to give him some space for a few so he could collect his thoughts, Buck stayed silent as they moved through the streets.   To his surprise, Eddie pulled up in front of Buck’s apartment building and parked, still looking straight ahead.

              “I… thought we were going for breakfast?”  Buck asked slowly, not sure what to expect.  Eddie seemed to steel himself, then glanced towards the building and shut off the truck.

              “I know you’re not going to let this go, and I don’t want to do it in public.  Let’s go up to your loft.”  

              Eddie’s voice was gruff, but Buck was grimly pleased that he wasn’t resisting.  Buck knew that Eddie knew Buck would not let this slide, would not let it rest until he was sure that Eddie was okay.  Taking his lead, Buck agreed and hopped out of the truck, following Eddie up to his building and then leading the way into his apartment.

              “Let’s get this over with,” Eddie said in a resigned voice as he moved into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, Buck pulling himself up and sitting on the counter across from him.  “What do you want to know?”

              “What happened?” Buck asked simply.  “I know you went to the hospital, you were seen by a cardiologist, and now you have a pamphlet on panic attacks.  What actually happened?”

              Eddie gnawed the inside of his lip, still refusing to look at Buck as he mulled over what to say.  He was staring at the lower part of the counter in front of him, Buck’s shoe dangling in his line of sight, though he wasn’t seeing much.  All he could see in his mind was that damn suit store, the feeling of the tightness in his chest making him feel claustrophobic and deeply uncomfortable.

              “I don’t know.  We were trying on suits, and then I just… collapsed.  I thought I was having a heart attack,” Eddie summarized it as succinctly as he could, but he knew it wasn’t going to be enough for Buck.

              “Okay, but what triggered that?” Buck asked, his voice gently prodding.  “Did something upset you, or…?”

              Eddie shifted uncomfortably, and Buck’s lips curled in a small, sad smile.  

              “Eddie, it’s just me.  You can talk to me.  You know you can trust me.  Please tell me what happened.”

              For a brief moment, Eddie lifted his eyes and met Buck’s gaze.  Buck’s expression was earnest, concerned, and Eddie knew he was right.  If there was anyone in this world he could trust, it was Buck.  Still, he hated talking about his emotions, especially ones he felt like he couldn’t control.  And yet, he felt like if he didn’t share it with someone he may explode because he was starting to seriously wonder what was going on in his brain.

              “I… you know I’m not good at this,” Eddie muttered, and Buck nodded.

              “I know, but… you were there for me when everything with my parents was going on.  You told me it was okay to feel what I was feeling, and to share it.  I want that for you, too,”  Buck told him gently, and Eddie sighed.  He felt like a hypocrite; he had told Buck those things, and he had meant it.  But for some reason when it came to himself, he had different rules.

              “The last time Chris and I wore suits was at Shannon’s funeral,” Eddie said, averting his gaze once more as he began to speak.  “I guess that was already putting me on edge.  I couldn’t stop thinking about her death and everything that had happened right before she died.  I just wanted to get out of there.”

              Eddie paused but Buck didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt.  Buck had a feeling that if Eddie stopped talking he wouldn’t start again so he waited patiently, keeping his mouth shut.

              “I think Chris was feeling it, too, but I was too distracted to notice.  And then… then the sales guy called Ana Chris’s mom.”

              Buck tilted his head to the side, looking over at Eddie, slightly confused.  Eddie and Ana had been together for nearly six months, it was only natural that at some point she would be mistaken for Chris’s mom.  But Eddie seemed shaken and Buck wasn’t sure he was going to continue.

              “What happened then?” Buck asked quietly, trying to gently prompt Eddie to speak again without spooking him.  Eddie had gotten a somewhat haunted look in his eyes and Buck could tell he was getting upset.  He was tempted to tell Eddie to stop, not wanting him to be distraught, but he sensed Eddie really needed to get it out there, so Buck would do everything he could to coax it out.

              “I- I genuinely don’t know,” Eddie said, shaking his head.  “Hearing that, it just… it intensified my thoughts about Shannon, and thinking of Ana as Chris’s mom is just - just so far beyond where we are in our relationship, and I- I…”

              Eddie was starting to get visibly upset and Buck slipped off the counter, moving over to stand beside him in case he needed support.

              “It made me realize that m-maybe I don’t want-- maybe things aren’t going so great, or something.  I don’t know.”

              “And then?” Buck prompted gently, feeling his heart break as Eddie glanced at him, clearly upset.

              “And then… I don’t know.  I don’t panic,” Eddie said stubbornly, though as he thought back to what had happened, he let out a long, unhappy sigh.  “But… I guess I panicked.  I don’t know.  I felt overwhelmed, and my chest got tight and I couldn’t breathe… I got really dizzy and fell over, I thought I was having a heart attack.”

              “Panic attacks can be really scary,” Buck told him, trying to reassure him.  “They can definitely feel like heart attacks.”

              “I don’t panic,” Eddie repeated, scowling at the floor.  “I never panic.  Not in the military, not when Shannon died, not when you nearly died several times…”

              “Eddie, you’ve been through a lot,” Buck reasoned, trying to brush off the last part of the sentence, as though it wasn’t a big deal to him that his near-death experiences were one of the things Eddie considered most upsetting.  “Do you think the shooting could be part of this?  Or is it just your relationship?”

              Eddie shifted uncomfortably again, not responding, and as Buck watched him, he saw tears start to pool in Eddie’s eyes, despite Eddie continually refusing to make eye contact.  

              “Are you okay?” Buck asked quietly, reaching out and touching him, gripping Eddie’s forearm lightly in a gesture of support.   This one little touch seemed to have caused him to come undone, however, and Buck saw his expression contort, his lips pressed together tightly as he tried and failed to stop himself crying.

              “No,” Eddie finally blurted out, seemingly completely against his will.  “No, I’m not okay.”

              Buck’s heart broke and he immediately reached out to embrace Eddie, giving him a chance to pull away if he wanted.  When he didn’t, Buck wrapped his arms around him and held him as Eddie choked into his shoulder, trying desperately to stop himself from outright sobbing.  It was rare that Buck had seen Eddie cry - he hadn’t seen it since Shannon’s death - and Buck wished he could take Eddie’s pain away, wished he could make the world right for him again.  

              After a few moments Eddie squirmed in his arms and Buck got the message that he was uncomfortable so he pulled away, but he didn’t go far.  Eddie seemed determined to not meet his gaze, furiously wiping at his eyes, and Buck gently rubbed his back, sensing that he really wanted comfort but was trying to stop himself from allowing it.  They stood like that for a while, until Eddie’s attempts at stopping his tears dissolved and he took a shaky breath, letting them slip down his cheeks as he pulled himself together.

              “It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.  You’re going to get through this,” Buck told him, his hand stilling in the middle of Eddie’s back.  “And I’m gonna help you get through it, if that’s what you want.”

              Eddie swallowed, sniffing, as he listened to Buck speak.  He’d always gone through things alone.  He’d always thought that was the best way to do it.  But in that moment, standing there, knowing he had Buck’s full love and support behind him, Eddie started to wonder if maybe having Buck at his side would be a much better option than going it alone.   Eddie nodded slowly, glancing at Buck for a moment before looking away, nodding again.

              “Yeah,” Eddie took a shaky breath and looked over at Buck, feeling the tiniest flicker of hope in his heart.  “That’s what I want.”

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