#for the worse i just got way more annoying about spinel after it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

captainillogical · 5 years ago

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Distant Lands Ch.19

Stranded on a planet with toxic conditions and nothing but the clothes on your back, your only means of survival lies within the gem that got you here in the first place.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants

Strangely enough, you wake up in your bed.

You don’t remember coming into your room to sleep, but here you are. It’s light out - the blinds are closed, but the window is glowing with sunlight. You rub at your eyes, trying to get the rest of the lingering feeling of sleep out of them. You wonder what time it is, and you look over to see your phone left on your small bedside dresser. Without moving from your lying position, you reach over to grab it off the flat surface.

You pull out the charging cable, and open your lock screen. It’s a bit past two in the afternoon. Ugh. You see a couple texts from Steven, and some from an unknown number. You open his messages first.

[10:23] Steven: I woke up fairly early and saw you asleep on the couch with Spinel. Color my face surprised. Wasn't expecting you two to be so chummy considering how you met, initially.

[10:23] Steven: I told you to get some sleep but you really don’t want to listen to me, huh? She helped me put you to bed. Was a little surprised at how careful she was with you.

[10:23] Steven: Anyway, you looked like you needed quite a bit of rest so Pearl, myself and Spinel are going to Little Homeworld ourselves to introduce her to some of the others and show her around a bit.

[10:24] Steven: Take it easy today, and don’t fret about the small stuff. I’ll take care of it, as well as giving some of the others a quick run-down of what happened so you’re not bombarded with the same questions multiple times.

[10:24] Steven: I gave Spinel one of my old cell phones that Peridot ‘upgraded’, the one with the heart stickers you put on the back (I thought it was funny), and gave her your number. Watching her try to navigate human technology was hilarious, btw.

[10:24] Steven: Also we still have that tub of blueberry yogurt in the fridge that I didn’t really like, so if you’re hungry please eat that first. Pearl won’t let me buy more yogurt until I finish that one. :(

You stare at the texts for a moment, brain working a little slow still. Lord.. you can't believe Steven saw you like that, and with Spinel. He could've reacted way worse, but you're glad that it wasn't the case. You kinda have a feeling he might ask you a couple personal questions regarding that.. ugh. You’re also trying to not be disappointed that you’re not there with them and Spinel, and getting to see her interactions with the others.

Oh well, nothing you can do about it now. You text him back before opening the other messages.

[02:09] Y/N: Pssh, I’ll sleep when I want to sleep. Plus, I couldn’t really pass out before talking to her about shit on my mind. It’s fine. And thanks for making sure I didn’t wake up with a stiff neck.

[02:09] Y/N: Keep an eye on her for me, yeah? She’s anxious about all of this.

[02:09] Y/N: And.. thank you, Steven. You know you're my favorite, right?

After sending the texts, you go over and open the unsaved number’s messages from a couple hours ago. They’re clearly from Spinel, so you save the number to your contacts before reading them all.

[10:42] Spinel: did it send

[10:42] Spinel: i think it did this time, phewwww no error message

[10:42] Spinel: this tech is old and weird but i can deal with it for now

[10:42] Spinel: i hope you got okay sleep

[10:42] Spinel: i’m out with steven and pearl as i’m sure he’s told you already

[10:42] Spinel: she’s kinda annoying sometimes, is that normal for her? i don’t know how to feel about her, especially knowing pink as much as i did

[10:43] Spinel: and i know you told me to be nice to steven, but he’s already laughed at me for being confused at your human tech. never listening to you again

[10:43] Spinel: little homeworld is not what i was expecting, but i think i like this a little better than whatever i had thought, anyway

[10:43] Spinel: bismuth is fun. i like her. she says she’ll put me to work for it, but she has a small place for me in this new housing block that’ll be ready for me later today

[10:43] Spinel: it feels kinda like too much at once and it’s a little overwhelming

[10:43] Spinel: but steven has helped a ton, and i’m starting to understand why you defended him as much as you did.

[12:16] Spinel: [attachment received]

You open the file, and it’s a very blurry image of the sidewalk and what you think is Spinel’s shoes. Did she mean to send that? You feel your face smiling, despite the weird feelings starting to blossom in your stomach. You’re glad she’s getting along with the others. You had been.. wary, really, and for good reason. But if the others can get over other gems trying to kill Steven fairly quickly, then you’re not surprised they can get over this, this soon. It was always you technically that held a grudge against the other gems that tried causing him harm. And well, you did hold a bit of a grudge against Spinel for a while..

You sigh out loud, and sit up before texting her back. It feels weird to be texting her, when you were so used to face-to-face communication.

[02:12] Y/N: I slept fine. Thanks for putting me to bed, Steven said some nice things about you :P

[02:12] Y/N: I’m glad you got used to cellphones pretty quickly, I’m a little impressed. And give Pearl some time, you just gotta brush off half her nagging for the most part.

[02:12] Y/N: What were you expecting little homeworld to be like? And how sweet of Bismuth, you should take a pic of the place when you get into it, I wanna see what it looks like inside.

[02:13] Y/N: Yeah.. it will feel like too much, Spinel. Think of what your life was like before this. I did say there was going to be a lot to adjust to.

[02:13] Y/N: Also did you mean to send that last image because I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be looking at exactly, there.

You check your social media for a second as you try not to let all of your thoughts linger on Spinel, and then roll your eyes at yourself when you realize ah right, a month didn’t actually pass here. There’s nothing new. You stand up, stretching your arms way over your head.

It feels good, not sleeping on the ground for once.

You make quick work of changing into an oversized sweater and some shorts from your current sleepwear, wanting to wear something loose and different. Phone in hand, you meander out of your room hungry, and into the kitchen. You see Amethyst in the living room, chilling on the couch and reading some magazine. Except you know she’s not reading it, she’s just looking for weird images to cut out and prank Pearl with in weird places.

“‘Sup.” She says without looking up from her browsing as you open the fridge, looking for anything but that yogurt. A month of only bullshit weird, plain fruit to eat and he thinks you’ll finish off his yogurt for him?

“Hey.” You reply back to her, and ugh.. unless you want to go through the effort of making eggs, toast and yogurt are really your only option since they haven’t gone food shopping. You make a face at the fridge, grabbing for the yogurt and closing the door.

“How ya’ feelin’?” She asks casually, flipping a page. An eye drifts over the page to land on you, and she lifts an eyebrow in interest. “You look better than you did yesterday.”

“...Thanks,” It comes out slightly insulted, but, well, it’s Amethyst. She doesn’t mince her words. “I got some decent sleep for once. Is Garnet home?”

“Nah, she’s got one of her lessons going on.”

“And you don’t?” You grab the bread out of the cupboard, and squint at it for a second. There’s.. a bit of fucking mold on the edge. Ugh. Your luck. You toss the bread onto the counter for Amethyst to eat later, and spot a single bagel left in the cupboard behind a bag of flour. Oh hell yeah.

“Not today, we pushed mine til tomorrow because Onion couldn’t participate for some reason.” She blows a lock of hair out of her face, turning a page.

“All for Onion, and he’s not even a gem. He can sit out one lesson.” You put the bagel in the toaster - getting crumbs everywhere and not caring, and grabbing a spoon for your yogurt.

“C’mon, you know the others love him, it was basically all their decision anyway.” She flips another page, and you can see her giving you a pointed look that you’re going to ignore. “Besides, I wanted to relax today anyway, considering all the stress you just put me under.”

“Cause it was totally by choice.” You retort with a roll of your eyes, opening the lid of the yogurt disdainfully and giving it a sniff. It smells fine but.. Ugh. You’re not much of a fan of yogurt. You take a bite, and it’s okay you guess.

“What are you planning on doing with the rest of your afternoon, anyway?” She asks as soon as you take another bite of yogurt.

“I uh,” You swallow. “I don’t know, actually. I was thinking I’d be with Steven and Pearl, showing Spinel around, but it seems they’re all doing that without me.” You say, half a frown forming on your face. You kind of realize that you’re way more disappointed by that fact than you had previously figured, but that train of thought is interrupted by the bagel popping out of the toaster. You jump slightly, almost launching your yogurt out of your hands. Amethyst notices but doesn’t make a comment about it.

“Y/N, I know you’re really caring and wanna help, but don’t you think you should take a couple days just for you?” She gives you a look.

“A couple days to what?” You match her look, popping an eyebrow for extra emphasis. “Relax? Like the weeks I just spent doing absolutely nothing on a forgotten planet in the middle of nowhere? I’m good.”

She looks at you, deadpan, and sighs. You notice a bunch of bananas on the top of the fridge that you had missed earlier, and get an idea that’s better than just eating yogurt.

“You’re kind of impossible. I’m telling Steven to not let you help him with any more of his current projects.” She sets the magazine down and cracks her knuckles obnoxiously. “Maybe it will force you to go out and do something for yourself for once.”

“Don’t you dare.” You say in annoyance, grabbing the bananas and blender from the top of the fridge, setting them on the counter. You grab the milk from the fridge and pour a little inside, and dump some of the yogurt in as well. You don’t care for proper proportions, you measure smoothies with your soul.

“I’m literally texting him right now and you can’t stop me.” She grabs for her phone, typing on it quickly.

“You can’t make me relax, Amethyst.” You say, peeling two bananas and tearing them into small enough chunks to blend, putting those in as well with a couple cubes of ice for good measure. “If I want to help out, I’m helping out.”

“Not if I can help it.” You hear her say as you put on the lid of the blender and plug it into the outlet next to it.

You grab your phone to text Steven to dissuade him from whatever Amethyst is saying to him, and press the liquify button on the blender.

A terribly familiar whirring noise fills the room, and your blood runs cold. You freeze on the spot.

You rip the plug from the outlet near violently, silence filling the immediate space. A beat or two passes.

“Uh.” You hear Amethyst say from fifteen feet behind you. “Y/N? You okay?”

You’re staring at the blender, and you can’t get your mouth to move. The chunks of ice shift, light from the afternoon sun hitting it and causing it to sparkle.

“Y/N?” She asks again, and you hear slight shuffling.

There’s this indescribable feeling of fear and dread swirling at the pit of your stomach, and then you feel an arm pulling at your elbow.

“Y/N.” Amethyst reiterates from beside you, and suddenly, you can turn your head to face her.

“Yeah?” You answer, facing her and blinking. She looks at you for a second before answering.

“What was that?” Her brows furrow in concern.

“I, um.” You realize you aren’t hungry anymore. “That was nothing.”

“Bullshit.” She looks offended at your response. “I’ve never seen you react that way before, to like, anything.”

“Uhhhhh, you know what?” You say, feeling like your mouth is working on autopilot at this point. “I’m gonna go out actually.”

You spin around, walking around Amethyst entirely despite her protests, and leave out the front door. You hear it slam shut behind you.

By the time you check the time, it’s nearly five in the afternoon, and you’re in front of the new bakery, Spacestries. You uh.. you didn’t realize you had walked all the way over here. You think you wandered the beach for a while, trying to definitely not think about what happened in the kitchen, with Amethyst as a fucking witness. Embarrassing. Could’ve been worse, you guess - it could have been Pearl there. It’s probably best if you don’t use the blender for a while.

You’re completely annoyed with yourself about all of that, really, and by pushing all of that away you’re trying to not let the rest of your thoughts linger on the other thing you shouldn’t put any more thought into, which are your obvious feelings for Spinel. That area is a whole ass disaster that you’d rather ignore right now. You have a few notifications that you swipe away as soon as they come; your heart pathetically skipping a beat when it sees her name there for a split second - you’re not in the right mood to reply to the messages at the moment. Later.

You sigh, pocketing your phone. You look at the shiny new sign above, squinting at the sun in your eyes, and someone nearly walks into you on the sidewalk. Ugh. You stand there for a second, letting the hot air of summer waft by. You smell fries from somewhere nearby, and your stomach growls. A car honks off in the distance.

It’s not even a busy day out. It’s just another lazy afternoon, something you’ve experienced many, many times in your life. But you find yourself listening to the muted sounds of Beach City, thankful that you’re standing here on a paved sidewalk that was made by humans. Your hair tickles your nose, and you blow air to get it out of your face.

A minute or so passes. You figure you should just go in and buy yourself a cheese roll or something. You don’t know why you’re just standing outside.

You take in a deep breath, and open the door. It chimes as you come in.

It’s cool inside from the air conditioning, and there’s no one behind the counter. You walk in slowly, hearing your footsteps tapping on the floor. There’s a small FM radio off to the side playing the top 40’s that you can barely make out due to all the static. It’s been a while since you’ve heard music.

There’s a lot of pastries on display, and they look good. You wonder if he’s working today. You walk up to the counter leisurely, looking at the glazed fruit tarts on the top display shelf.

“I’LL BE UP FRONT IN A SECOND!” You hear a familiar muffled voice coming from the back room.

“Take your time, Lars. It’s just me.” You reply, hearing your voice not carry very far. You hope he heard you despite the white noise of the AC. There’s a couple more shuffling sounds, as it sounds like he’s rounding the corner.

You see the tray of cream puffs in one hand before Lars walks out, and he’s got another in the other hand, balanced on his hip.

“Y/N? Is that you out ther-” He stops abruptly as soon as he sees your face; and one of the trays slips out of his hand, clattering on the floor loudly.

He opens and closes his mouth. Twice.

“What in the actual fuck happened to you!?” He nearly shouts, eyes wide. He rushes to set the remaining tray on the counter, and completely ignores what is on the floor to get over to where you’re standing.

“Uh..” You pull your sweater sleeves down, AC giving your arms goosebumps. “A lot. Can I have one of your fresh cheese rolls?”

He gives you an incredulous look. “Yeah, as soon as you tell me how you fucking died!? What the hell have I missed in the last fews days while I was out of town!?”

“Cheese roll first, buddy.” You say, and cross your arms.

“Ugh, FINE!” He tosses his hands into the air, and makes quick work of grabbing his freshest roll for you, placing it into your hands with a napkin. He gives you another look.

You take a bite out of it, and it tastes so good that you feel tears prickling the corners of your eyes, and you cannot stop them from forming. Lars seems to take notice.

“Spill. You’re being weird and I’m actually concerned right now.” He puts his hands on his hips. You finish chewing before answering, but he holds up a finger instead. “Wait. Sit down and finish that, I’ll go grab some coffee for the both of us, I just made fresh pot that should be done brewing by now.”

He leaves momentarily to grab the coffee, and you sit down at the little two person table in the corner of the shop. You feel your phone vibrate a few times in your pocket, but you opt to ignore it instead. They can wait; you told Amethyst you were just going out, and your brain can really only deal with so much right now. Namely food, and hyping yourself up to talk to Lars about this.

A few cars pass out on the street outside, and your eyes are glued to the bright blue sky and those giant fluffy clouds that are floating idly by. You take another bite out of the roll, savoring the way the buttery crust melts on your tongue. The song changes to one particular pop number that you hate, and you aren’t even irritated about it. You find yourself having missed the small things.

You hear footsteps approaching from behind you, and Lars sets down two cups of black coffee with a cream puff in front of you. Eh. You’ll deal with the coffee being black with no sweetner for it.

“So,” He sits down, taking a sip of coffee. “I’m gonna need you to elaborate. Was there some kind of freak accident or something?”

You take a sip of coffee before answering, staring at the new plugs in his ears. They’re filled with stars, and it’s kind of cute. Looks nice on him.

“You want a short version, or the whole thing? Because there’s a lot.” You say, exhaling out a long breath. The coffee is good, despite the bitterness.

He looks around his shop for a second, shrugging when his eyes fall back on you. “Business has been extremely slow all day, I’ve got plenty of time.”

“Okay. Well.. technically this was yesterday? Ish? It’s been a blur. Anyway..”

You find yourself opening up to him more than you did with the others, and you think it’s because he might be the only person who maybe understands how you feel in this moment. Human, thrown into too much space bullshit just to try to survive.

“..and yeah. That’s about all of it.” You finish, taking a small sip of your coffee.

Lars puts his face in his hands, sighing exaggeratedly. He’s been patiently listening this entire time, which is surprising for him.

“I need more coffee for this.” He says, getting up immediately to do so. It takes him a minute, but he comes back with a fresh cup for you both, and you’re thankful for it.

“Thanks.” You take a sip, and it’s nearly hot enough to burn your tongue.

“You know, I wouldn’t believe half the shit you just said if I didn’t actually know you. That’s nuts and utterly awful, even for it having to do with more gem bullshit.” He takes a drink, eyes roaming your face and hair.

“Yeah. I know.” You reply. “But what is life around Steven if not life-threatening and ridiculous? You know how it goes.”

“Yeahhh.. you’re telling me. Oh, has Amethyst texted you since your ‘incident’ earlier?” He asks, lifting his hands to do the air quotations with his index fingers.

“I’m not gonna lie, I’ve ignored every notification that has popped up on my phone since leaving the house earlier.” You feel another buzz ironically inside your pocket. Ugh.

“You can’t ignore all your problems forever you know, you should probably text them back sooner rather than later. I’m sure they’re worried about you.”

“I’ll get to it in a bit.” You say with a huff.

“Hm.. it’s kind of funny how I’ve also been stranded against my will somewhere away from civilization, now that I think about it. It just wasn’t with an alien.. and it was at least on Earth.”

“Yeah that’s a weird coincidence, I didn’t even realize.” You feel half your face perk in a wry smile. “You’re lucky you had Sadie instead of Spinel though, Sadie’s.. so much nicer.” He rolls his eyes at that. “Can I ask you something Lars? If you don’t mind.”

“Yeah? Of course.” He replies, perking an eyebrow in question.

“How did you deal with dying? Or uh, anything of what happened to you in space?” You avoid his eyes for a moment, looking out the window. You can see the heat rising off the pavement from here.

“Oh, god.” You hear him take another drink of his coffee. “Not well, at first. The off-colors helped me tremendously in dealing with my problems. I’m pretty whatever about the whole thing now, honestly. I take it day by day, and keeping busy doing what I love at this shop is helping. Also, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, as thankful as I am to be alive.” He points to his pink hair and face with his index finger, raising an eyebrow. “I hate the looks I get when I leave Beach City.”

“I’ll get used to it in time, probably. Still surprised when I look in the mirror." You sigh. You fix your eyes on the cup in front of you. “I also don’t want the gems to worry about me, and about what happened.”

“It’s something that took me quite a while to get used to. You’re wayyy more adaptable than I am, though, so I’m sure you’ll be a little quicker with it.” He says, running a hand through his hair and taking another drink of his coffee. “I’m sure they’ll worry about you regardless, and there isn’t really anything you can do about it. Kinda happens when they consider you family. Also, you’ve been through a lot. This isn’t just, like, breaking a leg or something.”

“I made the best of a shitty situation, and I’m alive and okay, it really isn’t a huge deal. I don’t want them walking on eggshells around me, or coddling me. I hate that. I’m not seventeen and stupid anymore.”

Lars stares at you like you’re definitely seventeen and stupid, expression that says ‘I cannot believe you right now.’

“You’re literally traumatized, you fucking idiot.” He says, completely exasperated. “Stop acting like what you’ve been through is as common as the cold. It isn’t. It’s going to take you time, and them some time. Talk to them if you’re that bothered with it.”

You shrug at him, affronted. “It’s whatever. I just want a normal life again.” Is what you hear coming out of your mouth.

“Your life stopped being normal the moment you accepted that babysitting job with the gems.” He rolls his eyes at you again, and you wanna kick him under the table. Just a little. “How are the gems dealing with Spinel by the way? I bet they thought they’d never have to fight another gem again, sheesh.”

“I was a little worried, but I think they’ll be fine honestly. They’ve dealt with worse. It probably helped that I was there to defend and vouch for her, really.” Someone passes the shop window, distracting your eyes for a second. A beat or two goes by, another car speeds down the street, and you wonder how Spinel’s doing right now. You hope Steven works his friendship magic on her, and you hope they become quick friends. They’re kind of like, two of the most important people to you. Oh, fuck. You think to yourself. Quick question, self? When the fuck did Spinel become that important to you? What the hell? Was it somewhere between hating her and dying for her?! You get the feeling you’re being watched all of a sudden so you look back over to Lars, and he’s studying your face with enough concentration to make you nervous.

“I feel like you’re still sitting on something that you want to talk about, but you’re too chickenshit to say it.” He says, full seriousness. You break eye contact, looking at your cup of coffee instead and sigh.

You and Lars have never been what you’d call good friends. Recently he’s been a lot better and you can actually talk to him like he’s a peer since he came back from space, but he used to be such a dick to Steven that you basically hated him, and you never hid that. You have no idea how he can see through you so well.

“How can you even tell?”

“Your posture isn’t relaxed whatsoever. You’ve been sitting like someone strapped a yard stick to your spine.” He answers bluntly. “You’re normally a sloucher.”

“Don’t read me like that ever again.” You scowl. “I’m sitting on it because I’m not sure I want to verbalize it out loud, okay? And I haven’t talked to anyone about it..” You say, ignoring his pointed look at you.

“Y/N, unless you’re going to say that you want to move back in with your shitty parents, or that all of a sudden you believe in the existence of saint nicholas, it can’t be that strange to say considering everything else you’ve said.” He leans his chin on his hand, nudging his coffee cup slightly with his fingers. You think, maybe.. maybe you can trust him with this too. Another shadow passes by the window, but you ignore it in favor of the swirling thoughts in your head.

“I have feelings for Spinel,” You blurt out with about as much grace as ripping off a band-aid; just as he takes another drink of his coffee. He chokes on it, sputtering everywhere - the entry door swings open with a chime and a customer walks in. He stands up suddenly, coughing into his hand.

“Give me just a second,” He says, turning to the customer, and rushes away from the table to go cough violently into the sink behind the counter.

The customer stares at him.

“Are you open?” They ask, even though they just came through the open, unlocked bakery door. You know, with the clearly printed hours on the glass.

He gives a thumbs up, coughing into the sink again and wiping his face.

“Yeah, just come up to the counter and I’ll help you out.” He says, a few coughs coming out here and there. He gives you a particular look from across the shop, and you’re not sure how to interpret it.

Your heart is beating wildly out of nervousness, and you kind of regret your honesty a little. Having feelings for a gem can’t be.. that weird. Right? Today is taking its toll on you already, and you’ve only been awake for a few short hours. You tune out Lars and the customer’s interactions, and pull out your phone instead. You should answer your messages.

You can kind of see the customer glancing at you in the corner, and you try ignoring it. You answer Amethyst messages first to let her know that you’re fine.

[02:48] Amethyst: dude, dont just leave

[02:48] Amethyst: esp after something like that [02:48] Amethyst: im worried about you, you know you can talk to me about stuff if you want

[02:48] Amethyst: or if u want a lounge buddy for distractions ig

[02:48] Amethyst: im here.

You feel bad that you rushed out like that on her, but you couldn’t stand in that kitchen anymore and you needed to be anywhere else but right there.

[05:32] Y/N: I’m fine, Amethyst.. I just needed some air.

[05:32] Y/N: Your concern is appreciated. Really.

[05:32] Y/N: Just needed to run away for a bit.

[05:32] Y/N: And I know. Thank you.

The customer talking to Lars is asking way too many questions about the gluten in the fruit fritters, and you can feel Lars’ annoyance from here. You see replies from Steven, and read those next.

[03:10] Steven: Of course I’m your favorite, who else has this Universe charm? ;)

[03:10] Steven: I’m gonna pick up pizza for us later, you deserve some good food after all of this, lol.

[03:10] Steven: And what’s Amethyst saying about not letting you help me out?

[03:10] Steven: Are you not resting like I told you to? I said to take it easy. I know we were planning on adding in a bunch of new classes and recruiting more people to teach them, but I can have Pearl help me out with that. Maybe Buck. He owes me a big favor anyway.

[03:10] Steven: It doesn’t matter, I was gonna tell you to take the next week for yourself anyway, because you need to chill.

[03:11] Steven: I’ll be home in a couple hours, and if you wanted to cancel wednesday movie night, I understand. :(

You stare at your phone, trying to not be irritated like you want to. You don’t want to be replaced, responsibility-wise. You like helping Steven out. It makes you feel useful, and if you aren’t being useful, what’s the point. You feel like no matter what you say to him, he won’t care though. He’s really stubborn like that. You’ll take the next few days off for yourself regardless.

[05:35] Y/N: I’m just out rn okay, didn’t want to be cooped up at home. I went out for a walk because of how much I missed the sand.

[05:35] Y/N: And no, I think I need movie night now more than ever lol. Kinda just don’t want to lay around in bed.

Mere seconds pass of you replying to his texts, and he’s answered you back.

[05:35] Steven: Want it to just be the two of us, or would you be okay with me inviting Spinel and the others?

[05:36] Steven: I might’ve hyped up Princess Diaries to her earlier, and well, this may be an easy way for her to be more.. at ease with everyone.

Oh thank god he asked. You didn’t want to seem desperate for her presence enough to suggest it. Also, he’s not wrong. You smile slightly to yourself as you reply to him.

[05:36] Y/N: Please do. :) That sounds fun.

Lars and the customer are now going back and forth about prices. You know he can handle himself, clearly, but you keep an ear perked in case this person goes full on karen-mode. You open Spinel’s messages last.

[02:52] Spinel: oops that wasnt what i was trying to send

[02:52] Spinel: [attachment received]

It’s another blurry picture, but it’s a candid shot of Pearl making a funny face while criticizing Steven about something. It’s actually fucking hilarious. You kinda want to send it to Amethyst.

[02:52] Spinel: shes been like this the last five minutes

[02:52] Spinel: its fun to watch

[02:52] Spinel: earth’s organisms are fun though so far

[02:53] Spinel: steven threw some food at the birds and i almost caught one

[02:53] Spinel: it pecked me

You try not to laugh out loud at the mental image, wishing desperately that you could’ve seen this.

[05:36] Y/N: I was going to ask why, except I know the answer to that already. You deserved being pecked, stop heckling local wildlife you fucking birdbrain

Before you can type up another message, you hear the door jingle again as the customer leaves - drawing you out of looking directly at only your phone. You must’ve tuned out the last of their interactions, because Lars is standing in front of the table with crossed arms.

He’s staring at you, half an eyebrow perked; like he’s trying to read your mind. You can hear his foot tapping on the cold tile floor. You are not going to lie to yourself - if you could get up and abscond, you’d do exactly just that. He suddenly whips his arm out, placing it upon the back of your chair.

“Don’t even think about running away from this conversation, Y/N.” He says, the radio crackling a bit in the background.

“Why would you think I want to run, Lars?” You avoid his eyes out of nervousness.

“Because I can see it in your eyes.” He plops back down in his seat, and sighs. His eyes haven’t moved from his gaze on you. “So. What the actual fuck?”

“Look. I didn’t even realize that I had these feelings until a couple days ago.. technically. Days on Golgotha. Not here, I mean.”

He brings his hand up to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose in disbelief and scrunching his eyes. “You’re telling me.. that you have feelings for a gem that tried to kill Steven and yourself, after being stuck on a different planet with her for weeks?”

You’re staring at him, unmoving. A second or three passes.

“Don’t put it so plainly out there like that..” You groan. “I already feel stupid about this.”

“I’ve known you for years now, and you’ve refused any kind of prospect of romance. I watched you turn down several people, including fucking JENNY of all people. Where the hell is this coming from!?” God he’s so worked up about this that he’s half talking with his hands.

“Yeah because I was busy with Steven! Also I just wasn’t ..interested in anyone.” You level him with a look, slightly miffed about all of this.

“What made her different?!”

“I DON’T KNOW!” You hear your voice raise, heart beating wildly in your chest. You can feel the adrenaline running through you. “At first I thought it was because she didn’t treat me like a fragile meatbag! Or maybe because she took my shit and threw it back at me!! AND THEN SHE STARTED TO GET ALL CARING, LIKE, SHE ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT MY WELL-BEING? GENUINELY? And she wanted to be my friend EVEN after I treated her like shit!”

“Oh, my god. You DO have feelings for her!!!” He shouts accusingly, pointing his finger directly at you.

“I WASN’T LYING YOU IDIOT.”

“Well?! What are you going to do about it?!” He implores, leaning into the table - practically knocking off his half cup of coffee.

“Nothing, probably,” You say, avoiding his eyes again.

“You’re joking.”

“What if I’ve been reading signals all weird, and she thinks humans are super gross?”

He levels you with a Look, one you deem The Judgemental Gaze of Judgement. He sighs for like the fifth time this conversation.

“Ugh! Give me your phone.”

“NO.”

“Let me talk to her!”

“DEFINITELY NO.” You hear your own voice echo throughout the room.

“Okay, so, you’re just going to steep in your own feelings and pretend you don’t have them? Really, Y/N?”

“Well.. no. Maybe. I don't know.”

“You’re being stupid.” He says with a roll of his eyes. “What are you actually afraid of?”

“...what if she can only see me as a friend?” You reply, a bit nervously.

“It’s not the worst thing ever, honestly. At least she’d still be your friend, take it from me..” He glances at his phone on the table for a moment, a notification popping up. “But I don’t know. I haven’t met her yet, but if she’s everything you’ve said to me so far.. I think you might be a little dumb about this.”

“I’m not saying you’re right, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

“If I happen to see her in the next week, I’m telling her if you haven’t by then.” He says with a perk of his eyebrow, tone half mocking.

“If I catch wind of that happening I’ll set your shop on fire.” You reply, deadpan. His eyes get large.

“No arson!” He points to the center of your torso, like this would be a thing you’d actually do. “Anyway, I gotta get back to making a new batch of what I dropped earlier before the delivery I’m supposed to receive in an hour gets here. You’re welcome to stay if you wanna help me out. I had 3 part timers quit in the last month.”

“Bet they left because you suck at being a manager.” You say, pocketing your cell phone and standing up. “And as much as I’d like to keep busy right now, it’s best I be getting back soon anyway.”

“I’m a great manager, for the record! Just unlucky. Thankfully the off-colors help out plenty, even if most of them are preoccupied doing things for themselves now. Let me know if you know anyone that wants any part time hours? I’m flexible.” He also stands up, pushing his chair in and grabbing both cups of coffee - now empty. He gives you a look before smiling a little. “I’m glad you’re alive and well, Y/N. And really. Talk to Spinel. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, you’ll feel a lot better getting it off your chest.”

“Yeah, yeahhhhhh. We’ll see.” You reply with an eye roll, and head out the door.

On your way home you stop by the boardwalk by Funland. The sun is beating down on you, but you don’t really mind this heat. It isn’t nearly as humid as on the surface of that awful place. It’s almost lovely compared to it. You sit on one of the nearby benches to zone out for a couple minutes, watching people and their dogs pass by as you internally fight yourself.

You should talk to Spinel. You think briefly that you should just text her about it, and then immediately swat that thought away. That’s the cowards route. Get it the fuck together. You’ve been through so much shit already, and you’re this hung up on your feelings. Also, Spinel deserves a lot more than just a stupid text.

Oh my godddd, you do not want to put too much thought into this shit, it will just make you even more anxious around her. Ugh. Seriously, you've been through waaay more anxiety inducing scenarios than this, what's your deal? You feel your phone vibrate with a notification, and you pull it up to see that it’s a message from Steven saying that they’ll be home soon. It’s a bit after six by now, and you send him a reply saying that you’ll see him there.

The distant sounds of the crashing waves of the ocean put you at ease. You pocket your phone, and you notice Mr. Smiley talking to a couple kids with cotton candy forty feet away or so. He sees you, and you can see his eyebrows raise in confusion all the way over from here.

Ugh. You’re kind of tired of explaining what’s happened to you. You get up and leave to avoid any kind of conversation about it, opting to just go straight home instead.

You take your flip flops off as you walk through the sand up to Steven’s house. It’s warm, and the salty sea breeze tickles your skin. It’s making you a little reluctant to go up the stairs. You’re halfway up when you hear muffled voices coming from inside, quite a few actually. The rest of them must have got here before you did, oops. You hope they don’t implore too much about where you’ve been and why it’s taken so long.

Once you open the front door you feel a couple eyes turn to you, and you swallow the weird anxiety in your gut.

“Y/N!” Peridot shouts from across the room, and you set your flip flops down on the ground near the door. “Jeez, took you long enough to get home.”

“Sorry, I took the long way home.” You reply, seeing her with Bismuth, Lapis and Pearl all chatting animatedly about something on the couch with each other.

“You guys only got here a couple minutes ago anyway.” Amethyst snorts, walking into the kitchen after she gives you a discreet look-over to make sure you’re visibly okay.

“Yeah but she’s the last one here, and that means she gets cleanup duty!” She retorts, giving you a pointed smirk from across the room.

“I feel like I should be exempt from cleaning duty for the next couple of weeks.” You walk over to the kitchen where Steven and Spinel are talking to Garnet about something, and your heart does this stupid, stupid little flip when you see her with the others. Her eyes gravitate over to you as she’s talking, something sparkling in them when she sees that it’s you - and tears her eyes away back to the others quickly.

What the hell. That was kinda weird. Steven looks over to you, and then to Peridot after he hears you.

“I’ve volunteered to take over her responsibilities this week, anyway, so suck it Peridot.” He says, sticking his tongue out at her childishly.

“You mean it?” You reply, feeling immense amounts of affection bubbling up inside for him.

“Yeah, well, you’re not wrong about being exempt for now. Also I just love you.” He grins, shrugging at you. You walk over to his side, ruffling his thick brown curls.

“Steeeeven, what would I do without you?” You say, and you see Spinel watching you out of the corner of her eye as Garnet talks to her. “I miss when you were shorter than me, who am I supposed to use as a chinrest now? Amethyst? She’s too short.”

“Hey!” Amethyst huffs, flipping some of her hair over her shoulder. “Being this short is one of my best qualities.”

“I thought it was your obnoxious personality?” You raise an eyebrow in mockery at her.

“I thought that was yours.” You hear Spinel say as your heart jumps into your throat, and you whip your face to hers.

“You of all people cannot say that to me!” You hiss out at her automatically without missing a beat, and the others burst out laughing. Even Garnet. You feel your face heat up as Spinel grins, and whatever thoughts you had about her acting weird earlier vanish. When the laughter dies down, Steven looks over to her.

“I’ve gotta say, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone that talks to Y/N that way and gets away with it.” He says, still smiling and shaking his head.

“Really?” Her eyes light up at that, and she gives you a particular look that makes you want to smack her. “I guess I must be kinda special or somethin’.”

“No, you’re just too stupid to realize when I’m telling you off.” You reply, and she splutters with a glare while the others laugh boisterously again.

It’s good to be in this kind of company again, you think.

Steven grabs the three boxes of pizza on the counter that you just noticed were there. The smell is very enticing. “Since we’re all here, I’m gonna go set up the movie so I can finally eat because I am starrrrrving.” He says, dragging it on a bit dramatically as he walks up the stairs over to his loft bed. “You guys can join whenever!”

You follow him immediately, mainly because you want food. Also, Spinel’s looking at you in a way that makes you hyper aware of literally every single thing you’re doing, and you need to sit down and calm yourself before you have some kind of self-induced heart attack.

“You wanna sit on the bed? You get first pick since.. y’know.” He looks at you, setting the pizza boxes down on the floor by the foot of his bed.

“Nah, I want the beanbag.” You say as the others make their way up here, and you grab said seat from the corner of his room, dragging it to the spot you want on the far left opposite of the stairs and next to Steven’s bed. Peridot likes to throw things during dramatic moments and you’d prefer to not be placed in the crossfire again.

“Suuuit yourself.” He says, popping the dvd case open and inserting the disk into the system below the tv. Amethyst plops on his bed with a satisfied sigh, rolling over to the edge to grab a slice from the boxes on the floor.

The rest of them come in, finding places to sit and lounge - all of them as loud as ever. You see Spinel off to the side by Pearl, and she looks like she doesn’t know where to sit. Eventually her eyes land on you - your heart doing a little flip, and you make a point to pat the ground next to you. Her eyes light up instantly. Not like you saved a seat for her or anything.

She gets over to you - having to stretch her leg waaay over to the side of the multiple gems in the center of the room making a commotion loudly over who gets to sit in front of the tv. She sits down next to you; wrapping her arms around her knees, her body language a little more at ease beside you than she was earlier.

You ignore your brain screaming about the implications. Just act normal, fucking idiot.

“You have fun today?” You turn your face to ask her, Bismuth bellowing out a laugh at something behind you.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting them to be so.. welcoming.” She says a bit quietly so the others don’t hear, pulling her gloved hand up to scratch at her cheek sheepishly. “I still don’t feel like I deserve this.”

“Well, you do.” You lean forward, grabbing a slice of pizza and a napkin. “So you better get used to it.” Before you even take a bite, you notice her staring at you. Steven’s cursing out the dvd player for giving him issues, and Pearl’s tutting him for his language. “What? You wanna try?”

“No. It just looks weird.” She replies, scrunching her face.

“Spinel.” You look at her, deadpan. “Unless you try it, you don’t get to judge pizza. Even Amethyst likes it.” You take a bite, melty cheese easily pulling off the slice. Her eyes go kinda wide, watching you - and then her face gets suspiciously smug.

“Wow, what is that? Kinda similar to how much I can stretch-” You give her a kick with your bare foot, and she chokes out a laugh. You roll your eyes, taking another bite. Her constant teasing makes your heart grow fonder, and that fact irritates you.

“Finally!” Steven says, pressing the play button on the menu. Guess he finally got it to work. He sits on his bed where his pillows are, Amethyst up at the front. The others are lounging around the rest of the room as the volume dies down.

The movie starts to play, and you settle comfortably in your beanbag. Once you’re done adjusting yourself, Spinel leans half her side and props her elbow up on your chair, resting her chin on her hand. She’s close enough to where you can feel the heat emanating off her slightly. She’s most comfortable around you, clearly.

You’ve seen the princess diaries many, many times as it’s one of Steven’s favorite movies - he starts singing ‘stupid cupid’ and you join along, earning a wink from him. Spinel makes comments here and there about the absurdities of royalty here, and several human traditions that the other gems laugh and nod in agreement. She seems to like it though, as she laughs pretty hard at a couple scenes.

You're content, you feel. You didn't think you'd get to experience this like, ever, with her.

Two thirds through the movie and several slices of pizza later, you notice Spinel watching you more than the movie out of the corner of your eye. You try not to be self-conscious about it, but you wish you could ask her if you have something on your face without alerting the others around you. She lays her arm down on your beanbag, parallel to yours resting against your thigh; and you have a quiet moment of panic because your immediate thought is to grab her hand and hold it.

Okay. You need to calm the fuck down, first of all. You’re getting way ahead of yourself. Also, the thought of anyone of them seeing that makes you want to run outside into the ocean to never return. You spend the rest of this movie consumed with so many thoughts about Spinel beside you that you don’t realize that the movie has already ended with the credits rolling, and the others are chatting and stretching their limbs from their stationary positions on the floor.

“Okay, do we want to watch another movie, or call it a night guys?” Steven asks, and a few of the others immediately all say they want to watch another movie.

“Okay but what exactly are we watching?” You turn your face to look at him. “Because I don’t want to watch the sequel.”

“But I loooooooooove the sequel!!!” He cries out, putting a hand on his chest in mock offense. “It has Chris Pine’s dreamy eyes!”

“There’s another one?” Spinel interjects, raising an eyebrow. “But they didn’t really leave room for continuation.”

“Exactly my point.” You reply. “It’s a bad sequel.”

“It’s not! You just hate good fun!” Steven whines.

“I kinda wanna watch it. I like the part when she pushes him into the fountain.” Amethyst chuckles, stuffing a room-temperature slice of pizza into her mouth in a single bite.

“Sweet! Then we’re watching it.” He says smugly, getting up to change the dvd out.

“You’re so biased it’s not even funny.” You groan, flopping your head back on the beanbag dramatically. “Next time I get to pick.”

“No! You always pick horror movies!” You see Steven whip his head towards you from the corner of your eye.

“Alien is a classic though. And besides, you always pick fucking romantic comedies my guy.” You retort.

“Yeah, how can you not get enough of them?” He sighs happily. “They always end good.”

“Alien ends good..” You pout, and hear him snort a little. “The cat lives.”

The movie starts, and you try to not zone out after the first ten minutes. Spinel makes several comments about ‘who the fuck is this guy? Where’s that guy she kissed in the last movie?’ and you get the joy of being the one to explain to her that sometimes, sequels are just Like That.

An hour or so in of you only half paying attention to the movie, and you think you see Spinel’s eyes droop.

Is she.. is she tired?

Another twenty minutes pass, and yeah, she’s definitely tired. She’s leaning against her hand on your beanbag again, a mere foot or so from yourself. You catch her drifting off a little - hand slipping - quietly startling herself awake. It’s so cute. You’ve never seen her this sleepy before. It’s strange, gems don’t get tired.. You think, briefly, of what that might imply. When was the last time she slept, you wonder? You worry a little about it - clearly she needs some rest if she’s nodding off right here.

By the time the movie is done and the credits are rolling, she’s got half her head curled into her arm that’s digging into your side, completely asleep. It makes your heart swell to see her like this. Steven turns his bedside lamp on, illuminating most of the room in a warm glow.

“Well! I’m beat.” He says, grinning and turning his face to you. “Did Spinel like the movies?”

“I’d ask her, but..” You look at him, shrugging and pointing to her.

“Is she asleep?” He whispers, some of the others looking over in your direction and away from their quiet conversations. For some reason your heart rate speeds up.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting her to pass out. It isn’t really like her to be this tired.” You reply. Your legs are numb from lack of circulation, and you stretch them out in front of you.

“Spinel.. sleeps?” An eyebrow shoots up into his hairline that has you feeling strange about what you had just said.

“I mean, yeah? It’s not that weird, Amethyst does it sometimes.”

“Yeah, that’s because I’m just lazy. But you don’t see me sleeping on you.” Amethyst chuckles lowly, a slow grin spreading on her face.

“What the hell are you implying?” You ask, feeling your face start to heat up.

“Nothing! She must trust you a lot is all, sleeping like that.” She laughs a little. “She looks kind of like a lapdog.”

“Don’t call her a dog, jeez.” You roll your eyes, pushing down the blush on your face.

“Look at you, defending her even when she can’t defend herself, when earlier you were so easy to insult her.” Pearl says from across the room, putting a finger to her lip and looking smug. “You know…”

“Alright, enough picking on Y/N. I wanna go to bed.” Steven says with a yawn, and the others file out of his loft down the stairs without much of a fight.

“Does she have a bed in her new place?” You watch her shoulders rise and fall with her breathing.

“No, er, she has a bedroom though. Wasn’t expecting her to be the sleeping type, honestly. I’ll get with Bismuth tomorrow about it. Shouldn’t take long, though. She can sleep on the couch tonight if anything.” He says, taking his socks off and flinging them across the other side of his room into the pile of laundry he has there.

"Alright." You say, thinking about several things at once. Hm. She looks so soft right now, and it's taking like, all of your self control to not stroke her head. It sucks that you've got to wake her.

Steven gets up to go to the bathroom and brush his teeth before sleeping, and makes a comment about his floor better not ‘be occupied’ when he comes back. You roll your eyes, smiling at him fondly. You love his teen attitude.

Very gently, you shake Spinel's shoulders a little. You're actually surprised when she lifts her head a little, slow blinking and confusion all over her face. She's got lines pressed into her face where she slept a little too hard against her arm. It's extremely endearing.

"Did I pass out?" She asks, rubbing her eyes but still looking very drowsy.

"Yeah. We finished the other movie. The others went off on their own, and Steven's going to sleep."

You lead the gem down the stairs, careful to not let her sleep-heavy self trip. You sit her on the couch, and walk away to grab the spare blankets from the cupboard for her. You pass Steven coming out of the bathroom on your way back over, him giving the both of you a peace sign and telling you to get decent sleep. He also apologises to Spinel in case she hears any snoring coming from him.

Once he’s out of sight, you place the spare blankets and pillow next to her on the couch.

“Are you gonna be okay out here? Let me know if you need anything.” Leaning your hands on your hips, you give her a quick look-over. She’s tired, clearly, but a little more awake than before.

She looks at you hesitantly, like she wants to say something, but is unsure how.

"What?" You whisper at her. "Is there something wrong?"

"Um.." She looks away momentarily, like she's nervous to admit something. It's making you anxious.

"Spit it out, Spinel." You say, and it comes out a little harsher than intended.

"I don't know if I can sleep. I've had.. really bad nightmares every time I've tried, so I stopped trying. It's been weeks.." She trails off, avoiding your eyes. "That nap earlier was the most solid sleep I've had in a while."

Oh. You.. you weren't expecting her to say that. You feel horrible about it, actually..

"Do you want to sleep with me?" You hear the words coming out of your mouth, horrified at what it kind of implied. "I-I mean, um, maybe having another person next to you might help you sleep?" You quickly correct yourself, feeling your face heat up in mortification. Yeah yeah idiot, ask the gem to sleep with you god what the hell is wrong with you.

Thankfully, you think she’s too tired to really catch on to that, as she kind of looks a little.. sheepish when her eyes lock on to yours.

“You’re not just sayin’ that, right? To be nice?” You think you see her wring her hands nervously in her lap, and you’re confused by it. Why the hell is she nervous?

"You think I'm purposefully nice?"

"Well.." She gives you a look.

"Come on." You say with a sigh. "My bed is big enough for the both of us, and it's comfier than this couch."

She follows you to your bedroom, and your heartbeats pick up pace. Calm down. Sure, this is like, completely new territory for the both of you. She's seen where you live, what you're like around other people, and now she's about to see your room. It almost feels.. strangely intimate. You have no idea why this particular thought puts you on edge. Like you're.. waiting on something.

You open your bedroom door, the both of you shuffling inside and closing the door behind you with a solid click. She looks around at the walls, intrigued by many of the things you've put up as decoration. You watch her for a moment, your brain repeating the words 'Spinel is in my bedroom' like a mantra.

"Hmmm." Is all she says, and you feel a little insulted for some reason.

"Why do I feel like you're making fun of me by saying that?"

"I like it. Reminds me of you." She gives you a cheeky smile, and you don't know if you'd rather slap her or kiss her.

All of a sudden you realize you're alone with her, like actually alone, without anyone having the ability to hear you. Not that there is anything to hear..

You shake your skull, dismissing the thoughts in your head. You're not going there today, brain. It's time to sleep.

"Before I lay down, I'm gonna change into better clothes. Make yourself comfortable." You say as you walk over to your closet, and immediately grab a tank top because you know you'll be warm. You also grab another pair of shorts. You make quick work of going out to the bathroom to change and to brush your teeth, and by the time you get back to your bedroom, she's looking at all the photostrips you have with Steven.

You pull back your blankets, sitting down on the surface of your bed and setting your phone on your nightstand.

"Aren't you tired?" You say with a yawn, and she turns to you.

"Very." She's halfway to the bed when you stop her before she gets in, and she gives you a perplexed look.

"This is gonna sound weird, but I don't want you in my bed wearing those."

"My.. clothes?" She gives you a look, half a grin forming on her face - her canines shining a little in the dim light of your bedroom. "Are 'ya saying you want me in there naked?"

"No, stupid! It's just, you wear those clothes everywhere, and it feels unsanitary to-"

"Yeah, yeah, calm down you brat. I get it.” She gets this kind of.. excited look on her face, eyes brightening. “Am I gonna get to steal your clothes then?”

“Pick whatever you want from my closet I guess.” You say, and watch her rifle through your clothes.

“You have a lot of sweaters in here.”

“Sweaters are comfy. They’re my favorite thing to wear.” You state, the feeling of being on edge still fully not going away.

It’s strange, being this casual with her. Like you didn’t meet her under the circumstances you did, and didn’t go through all of that with her either. You haven’t really had many close friends in your life, but you like to think that if you had met her differently, you’d still eventually form some kind of tentative.. friendship, or whatever you call this, with her. Halfway friends, halfway something else. See now you’re just being too hopeful, because technically she hasn’t brought up feelings at all. Or that kiss. Or whatever the fuck she was going to say before she left you on the hill.

“-were you wanting to watch me change, or should I go to the bathroom?” You’re torn out of your thoughts by the sound of her voice, and you feel your face heat up as you tear your eyes away. How embarrassing. It's not like she can read your thoughts though, right?

“Was spacing, sorry. I’ll look away.” You keep your face turned towards your phone, checking the time and thinking momentarily about setting an alarm. You hear the shuffling sounds of moving fabric and boots hitting the ground, and forego the alarm altogether. Who’re you kidding yourself, you’re not waking up early.

Before you realize it, she’s pulling the covers away on the other side of you and you feel a weight dipping into the mattress beside you. You're getting jitters in your stomach as you turn to catch her eye, because she's got one of your oversized Sadie Killer band tees on that's large enough that the top half of her gem is peeking out, and her hair isn't up in twintails anymore and now you're just staring at this point. The fact that you can see the entirety of her neck as well as the area around her collarbones has you feeling some way that you just know is absolutely showing on your face. You've never seen her show this much skin.

"What.." She gets this sort of stubbornly shy look when she realizes you're staring at her, her cheeks coloring faintly. She looks so different like this.. vulnerable, mostly. She doesn't have her gloves on, and you're pretty sure she's wearing a pair of your shorts as well because you can see her bare legs. "Is there something on my face? Don't give me that look."

"No, I just wasn't expecting to see you with your hair down."

"It doesn't look weird does it? I wasn't-"

"Shut up, you look cute.. and very non-threatening." You say, throwing in the jab with a bit of a smirk.

She rolls her eyes, scowling a bit. You think you see her cheeks darken ever so slightly, but it could also be a trick of the dim light in your room and the lines on her cheeks. You'd love to see just how far you can push those buttons of hers sometime. The look on her face when she's frustrated is probably one of your favorites, but you'd only ever admit that to yourself.

"Oh, I'll show you threatening.." She replies with a glint in her eye, the corner of her lips twitching.

"Pfft, go to sleep. You're about as threatening as a chihuahua." You retort, feeling that smirk grow a little wider, but also seeing her reach for her cell phone. "Spinel, I forbid you from looking that up until the morning."

"Uggggggghhhh, you can't tell me what to do!" She flops down onto the bed next to you, magenta hair messily all around her head. She fixes it with a huff, giving you a dirty look that you find amusing as you lower yourself into the blankets you're sharing with her. "If I wasn't so tired I'd fight you."

"Oh, I'm sure." You reply with a chuckle, turning to the center of the bed to face her.

She turns her head to look at you, face drawn in a glare and yet her eyes are so very warm. Your eyes are caught here with hers for a moment, and you feel your breath catch in your throat. Two.. three seconds pass, and you're pretty sure she's looking at your mouth. She looks like she's about to say something, her lips parting ever so slightly.

And then she flops over to her other side, and you're left laying there wondering what in the fuck was that.

Ugh. You hate girls. And aliens.

"Don't let me sleep forever." She mumbles, and you lean over to your lamp to switch it off.

"No promises." The room is blanketed in darkness in a single click, and you switch on your salt lamp before leaning your head down on your pillow, back flat against the bed. There's still a tiny bit of light coming from the glow of the moon through the blinds, and you pull your blanket up to your chest. You try getting comfortable, and it's.. fairly difficult when you're hyper aware of the person next to you.

"Would it be too much to ask if you could.. y'know.." You hear her say, almost too quiet for you to hear. You think your heart does a little backflip inside your chest.

"Are you asking me to cuddle you?!" You reply, barely being able to hold the mirth in your voice back.

You hear her sigh aggravatingly, and you roll over to put an arm around her waist before she can protest.

"You are so annoying." She spits out.

"Whatever. I knew you liked being the little spoon." You grin smugly behind her back, siphoning all the warmth from her as you can. Your knees are almost hitting the back of hers, and because of how squishy your bed is, this is the closest you think you've ever been to her as you're basically flush with her body. It's comfortable, and intimate, and you're trying to not think about how easy it'd be to just.. confess your feelings to her.

"Shut it." You hear her say; and you just know she's rolling her eyes even if you can't see her, and smiling regardless.

Silence envelops the both of you, and you're feeling sleep start to catch up with you when all of a sudden you feel her arm move, and then her soft fingers are tentatively being entwined with yours.

Your heart speeds up tremendously and all you can hear is the blood pounding in your ears. Your face is on fucking fire, and you can feel it. She has to know that you're having an internal fucking panic right now, you're like a hundred percent sure your hand is shaking. What the fuck do you do? Are you gonna talk about this? Is this what's happening?

A mere minute passes that feels like a lifetime of you fighting with yourself. As soon as you open your mouth to say something, you hear steady sounds of breathing coming from her.

Oh.

She's fallen asleep holding your hand.

You blow out the breath you didn't realize you were holding, and stifle the laugh that wants to come out of your mouth.

You think, maybe, that you love her.

You watch the back of her head until you get tired, and fall asleep fairly easily, her hand warm in yours.

#spinel x reader #su #spinel #steven universe #distant lands #my fic #part one of end lol #its long as FUCK

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fireopal-tash · 5 years ago

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(‼️Just so readers know: I don't hate Pink D, and I won't make her evil or anything like that. But you have to remember that this is mostly Steven's point of view and he doesn't think highly of her, does he?)

Chapter 2

Right inside Steven's house were said boy, the crystal gems, and Greg. Everyone gathered to talk about Steven's new problem.

"Steven, that gem is coming soon" Garnet commented after that long silence as he explained what happened again.

The dark-haired one could only nod, lost in his thoughts. There were so many things he didn't know about the gems and about himself. He couldn't help but wonder if it was something to do with him for being him or his gem. Probably both.

A growl was heard from Amethyst.

"I can't stand this wait anymore. Not even the silence. Is there nothing we can do? Or somewhere where we can get the information we need from?" the purple gem asked in desperation.

"I'm afraid not" Pearl shook her head "Unless, of course, we ask the Diamonds. After all, they are the ones that have been around the longest, and they knew Pink Diamond better than anyone. And chances are this new gem knows her if it's affecting Steven"

Neither of them dared point the obvious mistake. No one knew Pink Diamond. Not really. Then a loud, high-pitched sound echoed through the room. Steven was the first to react.

"It's the Diamonds" he informed immediately.

"What do they want now? I thought you made it clear to them that you didn't want to live in Homeworld" Amethyst said annoyed.

"I know, and I did" Steven looked down, somewhat stressed by everything, "Maybe they just need to make sure I'm okay? And anyway, we already talked about asking them for help"

"Dude, don't try to excuse them from their obvious dependence" admonished the purple gem, sitting up straighter in her seat.

"Amethyst!" Pearl hissed annoyed. It was reminiscent of the old days, something that slightly relaxed the hybrid.

"Anyway, I have to answer, or they will come to Earth personally. And we don't want that" The rest went silent, knowing that he was right.

Once in front of the communicator, Steven activated the Video Call. What surprised him was finding an extra gem right in front of the Diamonds' concerned faces. A pink gem, in poor condition from what he could see, and clearly uncomfortable in that situation. Steven cleared his throat, before speaking.

"Blue, Yellow, White" he said by way of greeting "Who is your new friend?" he winced slightly because it was obvious that they were not exactly friends, but they certainly knew each other, if their expressions were anything to go by. Some fear and worry. Worry he could understand, but fear? That was new.

"It is... a somewhat delicate subject," Blue began, always the one who was most careful when speaking of the three.

"This gem you see in front of you, Spinel, is one of... Pink's gems" Yellow continued, pausing at Her name. It was no secret how much the name of the youngest diamond affected everyone.

Steven nodded slowly, giving himself the freedom to get a better look at the new one. She was certainly pink, but her colors seemed muted, and somehow, her shape was dirty and worn. That didn't bode well with him.

"What happened?" He finally asked the question that everyone knew was the most important. And the root of the problem.

"She was..." Here, Yellow didn't dare continue.

"Abandoned in the Garden they shared for 6000 years at most" White finished for her partner. For once, she looked serious and hurt "One of Pink's precious treasures, left to fend for themselves in the old Garden they shared" Her words sounded almost like whispers, but easy to understand. Disappointed.

That made Steven stop breathing for a few moments, frozen when he discovered another of his mother's mistakes. And what was worse... is that it was a gem that was hers originally, and she left her voluntarily. Not for the actions of others, but her own. And without a good reason, like with Bismuth. Or Volleyball (he knows in that case she didn't have an option). Or the Diamonds. It was her own decision, a selfish decision.

It was somehow even worse, because Spinel must have been conscious all along, being able to return to Homeworld now. Speaking of which...

"Spinel?" He caught the attention of the gem, apparently lost in her thoughts, gently so as not to scare her. He didn't want her to think that he was just like his mother, after all "Could you tell me why you decided to show up now?"

Seeing her tense, Steven couldn't help but wonder if, perhaps, she misunderstood his question. He didn't even want to know what she was thinking. Then, unexpectedly, he heard her voice. Soft, and with a particular accent that made it part of her charm.

"I received your message" was her reply.

A frown appeared on the hybrid's forehead, trying to find out what she was talking about, when he remembered the broadcast he had made with the other Diamonds a few hours ago. "Then she heard everything about that..." he thought "but now the question is: does she thinks I'm Pink Diamond? I hope not"

"That's good" he smiled sincerely "I'm glad it got to you. Otherwise..." No one dared to finish that sentence.

"Spinel" he called her name again. Why did he want to say it again?

He was sure that was the same gem that Garnet spoke of. Although, she had believed that the pink gem would appear alone and on Earth. Well, the boy thought, this is better than nothing, or worse, another attempt to kill me and my family. And Earth. "Spinel," he repeated, taking more control of his body and emotions "Since you are new, and you are probably confused, I invite you to Earth to help you better acclimatize to this new Era"

He smiled at her again. She never returned any of his smiles. It was heartbreaking, but Steven had faith. He knew he could help her, just like with the others. And... he felt responsible, not only for the damage his mother caused, but because he was the one who made her take this new step. A step towards freedom. Spinel deserved that and more, after waiting who knows for how long in that garden the Diamonds mentioned.

"White, Yellow, Blue" He looked them in the eyes, grateful and wanting them to know that he was saying it from his heart "Thank you. Thanks for letting me know. I will personally take care of her safety and health” he promised. It was the least he could do.

"No problem, Steven" Blue turned her gaze slightly to the little gem in front of her, a look full of sorro " I trust you take good care of her.

Blue was certainly, or turned, the most compassionate of the three.

After saying goodbye and promising to come find Spinel himself, the young diamond switched off the communicator. He was exhausted. More than exhausted. He wasn't sure how much longer he could handle Pink's continual mistakes. He sighed heavily. It was going to be a long day and it hadn't even started yet.

To be continued...

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loveaurapearl · 5 years ago

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Steven’s Breakdown Analysis

First and foremost, I got to say that I love the ending of Steven Universe Future. It felt so right and so perfect. Yes, it is annoying that we still don’t know anything about the chest. Yes, it does stink a little that we don’t have a resolution on what’s going on with Bluebird Azurite, Mean Lapis, where Cactus Steven, watermelon Stevens and now the Steven Shrubs are, and yes, it is a little silly that Steven doesn’t have any marks after becoming a monster, but honestly, I’m still fine with the finale. It was great, it was moving, we know Steven has a therapist now, and it was just sweet. Sure, I had a few grips on Homeworld Bound, but that was the only episode that I had this feeling, all the other episodes were great. However, as I rewatched the finale, something caught my eye.

Before Steven corrupted into Wormy boi/Godzilla, (I have no idea what were are going to call him other than corrupted Steven.) I was thinking about what Steven said in his breakdown. Here’s the part of his breakdown that I need you guys to know. “I can fix anything. I can just keep messing up and fixing things forever and you’ll never know or think about it.” Steven said. Garnet calls out Steven’s name.

“*Deep Sigh* How messed up is that…? That I’ve gotten away with this for so long…? You have NO idea how bad I am. Y-You think that I’m sooo great and I’m so mature and I always know what to do… but that’s not true! I haven’t learned a thing from my problems. They’ve all just made me worse! You think of me as some Angel, but I’m not that kid anymore! I’m a fraud… *quietly sobs*… I’m a fraud... I’M… I’M A MONSTER!”

This hit hard and was very emotional... but a weird thought kept going through my head. The way he was talking, about being an angel and being put up on a pedestal. About how he keeps messing up and fixing things. It didn’t sound like Steven the character despite him using his voice... Yes, this does sound weird. Let me explain. While Steven always thought he had been the better person and to not hurt people, this still didn’t sound right for Steven to say. I mean, you could still see this as Steven talking about himself, but I still don’t get that feeling. Yeah, Steven has gone through a lot of ‘imposter syndrome’ throughout his life, but even then, I still felt like this speech wasn’t exactly Steven. Steven was never put up on a pedestal by the crystal gems. He didn’t feel like people were calling him an angel. That he was so mature and always knew what to do. Hell, Pool Hoping was about Garnet not expecting Steven to become so mature and wise, so this notion was never something that Steven had felt all his life. So, it was weird hearing him say all of this. Sure, Steven has put himself on a pedestal, especially after helping the universe, but this speech doesn’t feel like it was Steven doing this to himself. Then I thought back to Steven’s life and more specifically Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond’s life.

Pink Diamond was raised to be something great. To be better, to know better. She was a Diamond after all, and Diamonds were supposed to be perfect. However, Pink was very flawed. She had a temper, she was childish, she left Spinel behind to try and be more ‘mature’, and she hurt Volleyball in a fit of rage because she was denied a colony from White. Pink wasn’t exactly Diamond material. We still don’t know why Pink came out this way, so we can only speculate that now. When Pink became Rose Quartz, she thought she was free. She thought she could escape and find herself. Then she realized that what her family was doing was wrong and tried her best to stop it. She started a war to end it, but Even after becoming Rose Quartz, Pink still had to be the mature one, the healer, the perfect image of herself. This was made because she created the war and tried to convince people to help save the earth and stop the Diamond Authority. However, this doesn’t excuse the fact that, during the war, Pink/Rose couldn’t be confident in themselves except for Pearl. And even then, Pink didn’t want Pearl to know about her violent temper and her immaturity, so she tried her best to great and powerful. She hid secrets because she didn’t want to admit the ugly side of herself. She hid away Bismuth because she was afraid of her and her ideology. She hid Lion away from Pearl and never told anyone about him. She hid away the fact that she was a diamond because she hated being one. So, her hating herself isn’t that loose of an idea.

Now, Rose was happier as Rose Quartz than when she was Pink Diamond, but even then, Rose still wasn’t happy inside. She could never tell the other crystal gems about her identity, she couldn’t trust people because of her upbringing, and she couldn’t heal the people she hurt. She still didn’t like herself, but due to her work and the fact that she had humans to distract her, this self-hatred came in shorter bursts. That is until Greg pointed out how she didn’t respect him, it made her realize that she was still Pink Diamond inside. Rose began to engulf herself in the human ways to try and better herself. To be the perfect being her followers saw her as. But it was never enough, and so, after some time, she made Steven. Steven was raised to be as good as Rose Quartz during his life. He always felt like he had to be as good and pure as her. He believed that he could never measure up to her. But then everyone realized that real her wasn’t like that, the real she was just like Steven, a scared, confused little girl who didn’t know what to do and hanged onto other people.

“I can just keep messing up and fixing things forever and you’ll never know or think about it.” This was the exact quote that made me think something was off. Steven has never made a ‘mistake’ that he had to fix. Sure, he messed with the Sea Spire, but he couldn’t fix that. And other than that, Steven hasn’t done anything bad. The only one is Jasper, and that was recent. Plus, it doesn’t explain why Steven said he could mess up and nobody will know. When has Steven ever make a mistake and ‘get away with it’ other than with shattering Jasper? Never is what I’m saying. He has hidden his feelings, but that’s not making a mistake and hiding it from everyone. However, these things do make sense if you see this speech as Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz saying these things about herself, it makes a lot of sense. Rose was depicted as a saint, an angel, and a healer in the original series. She had to be the ‘bigger gem’ and to help people out. She also made a lot of mistakes. She hurt Volleyball, she hurt Spinel by leaving her behind, she hurt everyone by causing the gem war and faking her shattering. However, even after her faked shattering, she couldn’t escape the person she was. But then Steven was born and fixed everything. He ‘fixed’ spinel, he fixed the earth, he fixed the diamonds and changed homeworld, and his relationships with the Crystal gems, especially Bismuth. Pink/Rose hid many secrets and made many mistakes. Only ‘recently’ (in gem time) did most of her secrets and mistakes come out. Steven was there to fix all of Pink’s mistakes. However, he couldn’t fix himself or his mother whom he saw as a fraud. “I’m not a real person,” Rose said this to Greg.

“But, but Pink’s gone, right? Pink Steven even yelled to White Diamond that she was gone. There’s no way Pink is still alive. So… so what’s going on?” You may ask. I thought so too... but then, why did Steven say those things? Why is there a video showing that Pink isn’t gone? (Link by the way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaLRGg6UJQw ) Why do we still have no idea on the chest? How come Steven is the only gem to not have corruption scars? Like not even one. I think the crewiverse is still hiding something about Pink Diamond and Steven’s identity with her.

After all, we don’t know why the trailer called Steven pink? We don’t know why it mentioned Steven remembering the Strawberry battlefield when that had nothing to do with the ending. We don’t have a complete resolution on Steven and his feelings about his mother. We haven’t seen Steven fully healed. We know he’s healing now but we still don’t have all the pieces. We know that has a therapist and has moved on. But not all our questions were answered.

So… here’s a theory, what if… Steven, complete Steven, is Pink Diamond? Like, the flawed version of herself that she didn’t like. The real her. The version of her that wasn’t build-up by the diamonds or the crystal gems. Let’s start with how Everything’s Fine started. After Steven talks to Connie, he sees himself in the tv reflection and begins denying the horrible thoughts and actions he did. He denies he’s a Diamond like he did in Homeworld Bound. He keeps proclaiming that he’s Steven Universe and that he doesn’t hurt people. He doesn’t want to be a Diamond. After all, they’re the bad guys. Steven isn’t a bad guy. He isn’t Pink or Rose, so he shouldn’t be acting this way. The part that interested me was the fact that he kept saying he’s Steven Universe. At first, you think it’s just denial that he hurt people and had thoughts about hurting people, but then the break down happens and this made me rethink Steven’s claims. I think Steven or in this case, Pink Diamond is denying that she is still Pink Diamond inside. She can’t be back, Pink and Rose were bad people. Steven is a good person. He doesn’t hurt people like how she used to do. He’s the one who makes everything better. However, once the intervention happened, Pink/Steven realized that they haven’t changed and gotten worse.

When Steven talks about how ‘great’ he was, it looks at Pearl. But Pearl never thought about Steven like this. She did, however, thought Rose was great and powerful. Pearl loved Rose for being sweet and caring. She loved the version of Rose that was a healer and didn’t do anything wrong. But that was only one side of Pink. Volleyball was the one who knew the other side of her. The side of Pink that Pink didn’t like anymore. When he was talking about maturity, it shot to Amethyst, not only as a show that Steven is jealous of Amethyst’s maturity, but also, back when Rose was around, Amethyst saw Rose as the most mature gem, with Garnet second in command. Rose was a mother symbol to Amethyst, so she had to build up the image that she was always mature. Then it cuts to Connie when Steven talks about how he always knows what to do. This was the most interesting. Connie was the one who got Steven to think that he had a magical destiny. She was the one who thought Rose was this magical, all-knowing creature who had planned a destiny for Steven. I mean, with Lion and the armory, it’s not that hard for her to jump to the conclusion and she was just a young kid who read a lot of stories about destinies so seeing these signs, it’s no wonder she thought Steven had a destiny. However, Rose never wanted Steven to have a destiny. She just wanted Steven to be Steven. She wanted a normal human life like Greg, and she wanted to be apart of the human world. Then when Steven said he only has gotten worse; it cuts to Greg. Greg was the one who made Rose realize in We Need to Talk, that Rose hadn’t changed. That she didn’t respect humans, and that he was the reason Rose began to want to have Steven so she could change. Then it cuts to Garnet when Steven talks about how he’s an angel. This represents back during the war that Garnet saw Rose as an angel. A pure being who told Garnet to be herself and don’t question anything. Garnet saw Rose as the perfect leader. However, that’s not true at all. In “We’re only falling apart”, we learned that Rose depended on the other Crystal Gems to help lead the rebellion because she didn’t how to exactly lead on her own.

Then, there’s the final line. “I haven’t learned a thing from MY problems.” Which doesn’t make sense if Steven was truly himself and not Rose/Pink? If he wasn’t her, then why did he say that? What problems didn’t he learn from? The only way this line makes sense is the fact that Pink felt she never changed from being a diamond. That she thought she had changed and become a better person when really, she hadn’t changed at all. Steven says, “they’ve just made me worse.” This is the fact that Steven shattered Jasper and thought about shattering White Diamond horrified him. He had done something, not even his mother did… (Maybe, we don’t know exactly how Pink Pearl was hurt. Some people have said that Pink Pearl was shattered, but we don’t know.) Pink/Rose was against Shattering, no matter what. It’s the reason she bubbled Bismuth away. So, knowing she betrayed her word to everyone, especially herself, would horrify her. She was now like the other diamonds, but now they’ve healed. They recovered, but Pink hadn’t.

Also, let’s look at Homeworld Bound, mostly the scene of Steven running away from the Diamonds and losing one of his slippers. Besides allowing the Diamonds a chance to follow Steven back to Beach City, the slipper is a reference to Cinderella. When Cinderella lost her slipper, she was reverting into her true self. I think the same thing happened to Steven, or should I say, Pink Diamond. Of course, no magic turned Pink into Steven and there wasn’t a magic fairy godmother who gave Rose her wish. But Pink did become Steven Universe, she embraced this new identity, forgetting about her life as both Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond. She was given a whole new world, a new relationship with Greg and the crystal gems. She was given a new lease on life and learned to better herself as Steven. But she couldn’t escape herself. White was right about her, about Pink’s flaws and how Pink’s light was in Steven. However, White was wrong about him. White thought Steven’s human body wasn’t Pink. After all, Pink’s not human, she’s a gem. However, the human side of Steven is Pink as well. The human side was Pink’s memories, her personality, her ‘humanity’. Pink Steven was her powers, her anger, her code. But removing the gem wouldn’t bring Pink back, because Pink was already there as Steven. The group just never realized this. Not even Steven.

That is until Steven loses his slipper in Homeworld Bound. There, the magic of just being Steven was gone. Steven/Pink was slowly realizing the truth, but because they’re desperate and hate being Pink Diamond, they deny to their heart content that they were JUST Steven Universe. They do all the things old Steven used to do. They went to Little Homeworld to try and pick up the broken pieces, to try and keep the effects of the ‘spell’ up. To try and make nobody realize that Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz was back. And it did work since all the characters except for Pink/Steven never realize that Pink was back, and they assumed that Steven was just having a meltdown. However, just because the characters don’t realize Pink is back doesn’t mean they don’t realize that something is wrong with Steven, so they have the intervention. They try and get the truth out of Steven, and this is where Steven spills the beans about Shattering Jasper and thinking about shattering White Diamond. Once that pin was dropped, the magic was gone. Pink/Rose/Steven had fully returned, and the mask was off. They finally vent about being put up on a pedestal. They vent about having to be perfect and how they made mistakes. They’re scared, angry, and full of doubt and despair. They realize that they were back to Pink Diamond, but even worse since they shattered Jasper. Then, they corrupt. They lose control of themselves and turn into Godzilla Steven/Pink Diamond. They become a monster. Thankfully, Steven recovers and turns back to normal. He begins to learn to love himself and moved out of Beach City. Steven… Pink Diamond is going to find themselves.

Okay, so if this theory is true, then why did Pink Steven said that Pink Diamond was gone in Change Your Mind? Well, it’s because they weren’t wrong. The old version of Pink Diamond was gone as far as Steven was a concern. Pink Steven/Pink Diamond hated being Pink Diamond, of being Rose Quartz. They were never as happy as those identities. They wanted nothing to do with their past identities. They were tired of everyone wanting the old versions of Pink Diamond to come back, so Pink yelled that she was gone. She assumed that since she was now Steven, she wasn’t Pink Diamond anymore. She thought she was free. But by the time of Steven’s Breakdown, she realized that she wasn’t free from herself and that she was still Pink Diamond inside. She’s just been denying it because she didn’t WANT to be Pink Diamond. That’s why Pink Steven yelled, “SHE’S GONE!!!!”.

So, then what Steven is? Steven is Pink Diamond, but in the form, she always wanted to be. During the Diamond Days arch, it was at first depicted as an allegory of someone who had become trans and was dealing with a toxic family that didn’t accept that the person was trans. But we decided that it was more than that since we thought Steven wasn’t Pink Diamond. However, with this info, I think we’re thinking of black and white. Pink Diamond never went away. She changed her form into something she liked, and his name is Steven Universe. Pink Diamond is trans and she transitioned into the male identity of Steven Universe. Pink Diamond as Steven found himself. She was never comfortable being a diamond, and even when she became Rose Quartz, she was never herself because of the war and the fact that she technically stole the identity of the other Rose Quartzes. But Steven. Steven can be himself. There aren’t any Stevens that Pink is stealing the identity of. They realize that they can learn to love and be loved. They learned how to make real connections with people and how to help people with their problems. But now, they’ve grown. They realized that they aren’t perfect, that they don’t have to be perfect, and everyone will love them even if they aren’t perfect. They realized that it’s okay that to be ugly, that it’s okay to feel awful sometimes, and that this ugly side of themselves will always exist. They began to learn to accept the fact that they are still a Diamond despite the gender-flipped. They’re beginning to learn to accept that the Diamonds have changed, and the world is changing around them. Steven accepted that he’s Steven and Pink Diamond and that he’s allowed to love himself. Steven will learn to love like the People around himself and learn how to be human.

Anyway, maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong. But these have been my thoughts about Steven’s Breakdown. Maybe we’ll never know the answers to the questions I asked. Maybe Steven isn’t Pink Diamond and I’m just blowing smoke into a room. Maybe fanfic could answer them? I don’t know. But hope you like my little post.

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starscheme · 5 years ago

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Only You

Chapter Twenty: Whites Unwelcome Solution

Steven left his mothers room to find Lars standing in the middle of the disheveled living room.

"...you guys should think about cleaning..." Suggested Lars, trying to make light of the situation to start with. Steven hadn't really been himself for a while.

"Been busy," stated Steven evenly.

Lars took that short reply as a sign that Steven wasn't yet in the mood for jokes. "So, where is Sodalite?"

"Probably with Garnet. She's not allowed to leave the house alone."

Lars bristled a bit, "allowed?" He repeated. "...Steven...just because she agreed to help doesn't mean you can order her around."

"She's the only real weapon we have against that thing," replied Steven irately, "and she doesn't exactly fight well on her own. So Garnet needs to be with her if she leaves the house."

Lars sighed. He didn't like the way Steven was going about this, but at least Sodalite was being kept safe. However he could only imagine how scared she was right now. "Okay, yeah, I get it. Let's just contact Garnet. I promised Sodalite that I'd spend some time with her after the bakery closed."

Before Steven could answer, the warp activated and in a stream of light, Garnet appeared, carrying a limp, sickly looking Sodalite by the waist with an annoyed Amethyst beside them.

"Sodalite? What's wrong with her?" Asked Lars in alarm. The fusion was holding her like a sack and Sodalite looked as if she might throw up, her dizzy eyes flooding with tears. Each Gem was covered in dirt and they had small tears in their clothes which revealed tiny scratches on their bodies.

Amethyst appeared rather run down and annoyed, even Garnet looked as if she could use a break. Clearly their outing with Sodalite had been a bit vexing for them. "She panicked when we got too high and then screamed all the way down the cliff clinging to Garnet before everything went dark. When I could finally see again, we were all in different locations and it took forever to find her because she was clinging to the top of a tall tree and wouldn't jump down!"

"...to be fair, you cutting down the tree didn't help much," added Garnet.

"Yeah..." agreed Amethyst with an annoyed sigh. "Especially since all she did was scream all the way down and then everything went dark again. It's really starting to mess with my eyes."

"But did you find anything?" Asked Steven, uninterested in what caused their appearance.

Garnet shook her head and Steven felt his stomach drop. He said nothing and placed his hand over his heart where the locket was hidden beneath his shirt.

"But I'm sure we'll find something tomorrow!" Amethyst insisted with a forced smile. "We just need to cover more ground!"

Sodalite finally looked up, ready to apologize for not having any positive results for her Diamond, but when she spotted an irritated Lars beside him, she instead began to squirm in Garnets grip.

Garnet dropped the freckled Gem who face planted on the warp pad with an 'oomph.'

"H-hey, careful!" Lars groaned anxiously.

However, the fall didn't seem to bother Sodalite. She quickly scrambled to her feet and leapt at Lars in tears. "Lars, Lars! It-it was horrible! That Amethyst is-is out of control!"

Lars was nearly pushed down when Sodalite ran to hug him, but he steadily kept his balance and pat her head. "It's okay. You're fine now."

"Hey! I'm not out of control," argued Amethyst. "She's the one that just kept crying in that tree. What was I supposed to do? Just wait until she finished crying?! She cries all the time! We'd have been there all night!"

Sodalite spun herself to hide behind Lars' back, gripping at his jacket as she peeked over his shoulder. "...see?" Sodalite whimpered.

"We're all just a little impatient right now..." said Garnet, reaching over to place her hand at the top of Amethysts head to calm her. "Things will go better tomorrow."

"I want to go out there! I'm sick of sitting here and waiting!" Steven shouted with tears in his eyes.

"...Steven, we've been over this. It's not safe. Spinel wouldn't want to use you as bait." Garnet explained.

Sodalite whimpered once again and hid her face in Lars back, her hands trembling as she held tight to his jacket. Lars took this as a sign that things were about to get much worse. A gut feeling that was quickly confirmed when Steven turned pink and the house began to shake.

"What Spinel wanted?!" Steven repeated in a tearful rage. "Stop trying to speak for her! That thing made it clear that it wants ME! The best way to draw it out is for me to go-"

Suddenly, Pearl burst in through the front door in a panic. At first they thought she had seen the house shaking, but she didn't seemed concerned about that as she rushed inside. "Steven! The Diamonds, they're all here! They're landing right now! I thought you only asked for Yellows soldiers."

His pink glow slowly dimmed and Steven looked confused. "I did..." he answered, wondering why all of them would show up.

"Th-the Diamonds...? E-even...even Bl-Blue?" Asked Sodalite, frozen in fear. Blue was the one that made her and also the one that ordered her shattering. What would Blue Diamond do if she saw that she was still in one piece?

"You don't have to meet her," Lars said quickly. "Just stay in the house with me."

Steven was clearly agitated with the Diamonds arrival and honestly, seeing Sodalite and Lars was not helping his mood. Anything that resembled a couple annoyed him right now. Without waiting for anyone's opinions, Steven stomped out of the house to go and see just what they had all decided to gather here for.

The Diamonds were being lowered by a platform when Steven walked onto the beach, followed by the Crystal Gems.

"Steven!" White Diamond greeted with her usual delighted smile, always seemingly obtuse to his agitation. "It's been so long!"

"...what do you guys want?" He asked bluntly. Not in the mood to deal with them all at once. At least with Yellow it was straight to the point.

"Well, I brought the troops as we discussed, Steven," announced Yellow proudly, "but they insisted on coming along."

"Because it's not just Yellow that can help you," insisted Blue with an eager and hopeful smile as she leaned down a bit. "I have plenty of Gems that can help you too. Surely, my Gem would be better suited to searching for this strange creature of yours."

"He doesn't need your Gems when he can use mine," argued Yellow in a huff. "My Gems are precise and officiant. Why, if my troops had been deployed from the start we would have already found the thing."

"You're both going about this all wrong," interjected White, pushing her way between the other two Diamonds to get on her knees in front of Steven and his family. "Steven, I came because I thought of something that will definitely make you feel all better!" White seemed rather pleased with herself as she opened her hand and held it to Stevens eye level. Standing in the middle of her palm was a cute, noodle limbed, pink Spinel. Her Gem was cut in the shape of a heart and was displayed at the top of her right, gloved hand. She was in a pink and white overalled dress with large pink, Mary Jane shoes that squeaked when she walked, her curled heart pigtails bouncing with each step.

"I'm so excited to meet you!" The Spinel chirped out happily, hopping from Whites hand to greet Steven on the sand.

Pearl quickly clapped her hand over her mouth to muffle the sob that threatened to spill out. They had only just lost Spinel and this one very much reminded Pearl of how she used to be. As Pearl turned away from the Spinel, Garnet stepped forward with clenched fists.

"You can't just replace someone that's precious!" Demanded the fusion angrily.

"What? But of course you can replace a Gem," replied White with a straight face. "All Spinels are made for entertainment. Pink adored hers and since Steven was so upset that his got broken, I made him a new one. Now he won't have to be lonely."

Steven couldn't believe what was happening. For several minutes now, he'd been silent, simply staring down at this new Spinel in disbelief. Had White really come here thinking this Gem could simply take Spinels place?

"Oh no..." Lars mumbled, staring down at the awkward scene from the beach house window, Sodalite still hiding behind his back.

"So Steven, what do you think? She isn't exactly like the old one, but if she had never broken, she would have looked like this the whole time," explained White happily.

Garnet was practically trembling in anger. That White Diamond would dare to try something like this was proof of how little she still cared for individual life. "You—!"

Though Garnet was prepared to tell White off, she and the other Gems were distracted when Steven began to laugh. A bitter, angry, empty laugh.

Pearl wiped her eyes and turned back to Steven in concern, "Steven..."

"You...you really think...I'd be happy with this?" Growled Steven through gritted teeth now, making it a point not to look at the Diamonds.

White seemed confused as she lowered herself further to get a closer look at Stevens expression. "You're not? I thought you wanted a Spinel to replace—"

"YOU CAN'T REPLACE HER! NO ONE CAN!" Steven screamed, lifting his head to reveal the river of tears flowing down his cheeks. His body turned pink instantly and his eyes nearly glowed as a shockwave was formed from his voice, pushing the Diamonds back slightly. Yellow and Blue were immediately concerned at Stevens very 'Pink' like outburst, but White only frowned, almost offended that he had so harshly rejected her gift.

"Spinels are rather rare to make you know," replied White, "but I guess if you really don't like her, I can make you a different Gem as a playmate. Oh! Perhaps something-"

"Spinel wasn't a 'playmate.' She was...she's my best friend..." seethed Steven.

"Well of course, that's what Spinels are made for." White Diamond shrugged, still confused. She honestly didn't see the difference between this Spinel and the old one besides that this one wasn't broken.

Blue stepped forward and shook her head, "White...perhaps you shouldn't press the issue so much..."

Steven hates feeling this way. He hated feeling so much anger towards someone. How dare she come here and mock his feelings for Spinel as if they meant nothing at all. As if another Spinel could step in and Steven would just fall in line like his love never existed or was so easily broken.

"Don't be sad," pleaded the new Spinel with a smile as she reached for him.

"DONT TOUCH ME!" Steven demanded in disgust. His voice booming once again, this time causing the Spinels Gem to crack from the pressure of the sound.

At once, Steven gasped, staring wide eyed at the innocent Gem, now trying to maintain her form. He cracked her. Hurt her. None of this was her fault. If anyone deserved it, he'd have preferred White be the one to suffer.

"Arrrgh!" Steven groaned, closing his eyes tight. These hateful thoughts that plagued him only seemed to be getting worse. Spinel was gone...and he was just angry that the world had to keep turning as if she was never here. He knew it didn't make sense to be spiteful of everyone, but it wasn't fair that she was gone. Why did it have to be Spinel? "It's my fault! I'm sorry!" Shouted Steven as broken pieces of his own shield began to form around him.

It's true. Steven knew it. If anyone was to blame for all this. It was him. That creature picked Spinel because of him. It chose her because he loved her. Pearl was right, they never should have tried to be together. He never should have realized how he felt. If anything, he should have kept his feelings locked away. At least then Spinel would still be here with him. Even if he could never be with her as a lover, he just wanted her back. His love for her had only caused her pain. How was he supposed to live with himself knowing that?

The ground was turning into a crater beneath his feet and though everyone was inclined to help him, they were held up in doing so when everything went pitch black around them.

Steven flinched at the sudden blanket of darkness. His heart was beating so fast, it was now the only sound to fill the void.

"So-Sodalite?" He began, sure that this was her doing.

Though he couldn't see anything, he felt a small, trembling hand push against his chest, pressing firmly over his heart.

"I-I'm sorry..." wept Sodalite, slowly taking in all the terrible feelings that Steven had raging inside of him. All that pain was now hers for the moment and it hurt so much. The mere pressure of it threatened to weigh her down. "This is-it's all I can do..."

Steven's heart rate began to even out and his tears finally stopped. Sodalite's purification didn't exactly make him feel better, just numb, but it was still better than the agony from before. "...thanks..."

Sodalite was happy to be of use, but it was hard to smile through the pain that she took from Steven. His empathic abilities surely didn't help when he was feeling like this. She kept her hand to his chest even after it was done, just to make sure he didn't fly off the handle once again. However, perhaps it was because she was close to Steven, or the fact that she was touching him, Sodalite felt something familiar.

"Spinel?" Sodalite questioned aloud.

"What?" Asked Steven before the darkness lifted and he was suddenly standing back on the beach with Sodalite nowhere to be found.

#Only You #steven universe #steven universe fanfic #stevinel #stevinel fanfic #the diamonds #garnet #amethyst #lars #Sodalite #chapter 20

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arisunakayama · 6 years ago

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Can We Just Talk?

Human!SpinelXFem!Reader (College!Au) Pt. 1

Summary:

I just really like writing angst. And I really like Spinel a lot soo...

You stared at the front of the class where your old friends, Spinel and Peep (PinkPearl) were sitting. Watching them idly chat with one another. You would've thought nothing against it, but you've seen the way Spinel acts towards her. You weren't going to lie though and say you weren't hurt by the fact you feel left out. Let alone feeling pretty jealous that Spinel never hangs out with you anymore. Whenever they would stand together, she would be damn near against Peep. They would tend to forget about you whenever they would go somewhere, especially during school.

It eventually got to the point where you felt so left out, that you'd declined any invitation from them to hang out. You wouldn't include yourself in any of the conversations they held and would just sit there silently before excusing yourself from the group. It hurt you a lot actually that the two didn't even acknowledge how long you would leave the group and return within 30 to 45 minutes later.

So... You eventually stopped talking to them. Slowly and slowly drifting away from them. Especially Spinel. Avoiding her as much as possible whenever you could, looked away from her whenever they would pass by or would just leave class as fast as possible whenever it was over. But you also made it clear to her that you still cared for her very much.

And maybe a little something more. Yet you chose to push that aside as well...

You ended growing closer to another group of friends. A group that people called the Crystal Gems. Steven was the one who had introduced you to them in the first place, trying to fill in the hole that Spinel had made in your heart.

Garnet was a good friend of yours. She was calm and collected most of the time let alone patient with majority of the stuff that happens to the group. Or within the group. She was also a good friend to vent to, listening to what you needed to say to get off your chest before giving any advice that she would recommend. Somehow, she seemed to even know things before it had even happened.

Pearl was the one to fuss over her friend's health and safety. She also seemed to be a perfectionist when it comes to certain stuff. Though she would help you out whenever it came to studying for a test or doing homework. She and Amethyst seemed to bicker a lot though, yet they seemed to have a pretty close relationship with each other.

Then there was Amethyst who was the laid back one within the entire group. She was your go to person whenever it came to having fun. Yet she was the one to also do some stuff that would get you and her in trouble and get a scolding from Pearl. Though if she needed to, she'd become serious to show she wasn't just some person to mess with. Let alone her friends. That's why she ended up becoming one of your closest friends within your group.

But there was also another person that seemed to acknowledge your lack of presence within their group.

Spinel had ended up noticing as well that you haven't really showed up to your little group with her and Peep anymore. Let alone talked to her in quite some time. It pissed her off a little to know that you didn't want to hang around her anymore, which you still wanted to by the way. She wanted to talk to you about it, but you would just brush her off saying that 'It's nothing' and that 'you were fine and that you were currently doing something'.

Spinel knew it was utter bullshit and that you were lying to her. She was even more pissed off at the fact that you left without saying anything before moving off to another group of 'friends'. It felt like PD (Pink Diamond) all over again. And she wasn't going to let that happen again. Not with you...

If she were honest with herself, she was pretty jealous with how you were happy without her. Or so she thought. She needed to have a little talk with you anyways.

You were currently by your locker, getting your books for your next class that was going to start within 15 minutes. Amethyst and Steven were right beside you.

"Man, I don't even want to go to class today... (Y/n), skip class with me!" Amethyst looked at you with a grin stretched across her face, hoping that you'd agree to her antics.

"I'm not trying to get in trouble again, you remembered what happened last time we tried to skip class. Pearl already gave me an earful when she found out." You grimaced as you remembered the scolding that came from her. It was a long 2 hours so to say.

"Not to mention, there's a test coming up within two weeks. Knowing Pearl, we won't get the end of it if we fail." Steven added making Amethyst throw her head back and groan.

"Auughh, you guys are so boriiinngg."

Before anything could be said, the school bell had rung.

"Hey you guys go on ahead, I still need to get some stuff from my locker before I get into class." You said, trying to shoo them off before they were late.

"You sure, (Y/n)? We could just wait for you, we don't mind." Steven raised an eyebrow only for you to shake your head.

"It's fine! Don't worry about it. I don't want you guys late because of me!"

Amethyst and Steven looked at each other before shrugging and smiling at you. They waved to you saying they'll see you in class, saying your goodbyes before they were out of your sight. Turning to your locker, you grab your notebook before closing and locking your locker.

But as soon as you turned around, a hand had slammed onto the lockers beside your head making you shriek. Your back against your locker as your heart was rapidly beating against your ribcage, eyes clenched tightly. Slowly, you peak from one of your eyes to see Spinel looking over you as her hand was the one that had slammed against the locker beside you.

Her pissed off magenta eyes bore into your (e/c) eyes as she showed her teeth. Nervously you smile at her, making yourself smaller as you hold your textbook and notebook close to your chest.

"S-Spinel... It's nice to see you..." Voice shaky as you chuckle nervously.

"Don't 'It's nice to see you' me and answer me. Why are you avoiding us? Avoiding me?" Spinel's voice was dripping with angry along with a little hurt held into it.

"I-I... I don't know wh--"

"Stop lying, and just talk with me dammit!!! Why do you keep avoiding me!?" Spinel yelled at you making you flinch.

"I-I..." You stuttered. You couldn't even muster up an excuse at this point.

Her head leaned in closer to yours, making your face heat up slightly. You really wish you could find some courage to say something, but you just couldn't.

"Spinel, I'm going to be late for class..." You muttered, trying to scoot yourself away from her. Quickly, you slip away from under her arm and try to walk away from her only for her to yell out your name once again.

You knew that this wasn't make anything better. How running away from Spinel was making everything worse between the two of you. How you've become such a coward to the point you don't even want to talk and sort out how you feel with her.

A frown settled on your lips while you looked down in shame as you walked to class. Spinel was just watching you, angry and hurt before she punched the locker. Hissing at the pain in her fist before growling.

'Why don't you want to talk?' She thought to herself as she snarled at her own hand that she had used to punch the locker.

Sighing she turns on her heel and makes her way back to her class before taking her seat next to Peep, who looked at the magenta haired girl and smiled.

"Hey there you are. Where were you?" She raised an eyebrow seeing Spinel's annoyed expression "You alright?"

"It's (Y/n)... She's still avoiding me..." Spinel huffed before slouching against the chair.

"Hey... Don't worry about it... She'll come around and talk to you soon. I mean she can't avoid you forever. We literally live a few doors down away from her dorm." Peep tried to reassure her only for Spinel to roll her eyes.

"She's been avoiding me, Peep. I doubt that (Y/n) will even open the door for me." She growled.

Peep frowned, watching her best friend grow even more upset. She knew how Spinel felt towards you and it made her upset how the two of you were having trouble with each other. Let alone drifting apart from each other.

"I'll go talk to her then, how about that?" She offered only for Spinel to shake her head.

"Don't even bother, if she's avoiding me then she'll definitely avoid you, Peep." She mumbled. Though Peep only chuckled.

She was gonna go find and talk to you anyways after class.

#spinel #steven universe #spinel x oc #spinel x reader #spinel steven universe #human spinel #angst #pink pearl steven universe #pink pearl #can we just talk fanfic

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totaldramafan-lauri · 5 years ago

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Reflecting (Keep Moving Forward followup)

So, uh....first off.....if you’re reading this, I hope you have a Merry Christmas (if you celebrate it)!

It’s been over a month since I made that vow to keep moving forward.....but it’s been so hard.....It’s getting easier recently, though, as I’ve been able to think clearer.....bit by bit.....

Below is gonna be me venting about stuff that happened, and about myself and the lessons I’ve learned, so if that doesn’t interest you, don’t bother reading. I just.....wanted to....spill things out somewhere, where I’m not forcing people to listen to me.....And hopefully, this’ll be the last post I’ll have about this subject, or at least, one this long....

When it happened.....I was so taken off-guard....I was devastated and worried....and in my fear, I focused on the wrong things.....

I was SO caught up on the fact that....my friends....who I care so much about.....who I liked talking to, and sharing things with, and had such fun with .....were accusing me of hurting them, which was like, one of my worst fears....I was so blindsided by how quickly things went south......from being told that I’m loved, valid, and that I’m not annoying, and I’m fun to be around....s-stuff I wanted to believe.....to suddenly being told that I WAS annoying and obnoxious the entire time, and that I was actually an awful, selfish guilt-tripper who only wanted attention.....And.....that’s.....that’s not me.....

They brought up past events that.....I’d already either apologized for, swore to never do again, or was already made aware of and was trying to dial back on.....A-and that made it worse.....It felt like none of that mattered.....that I was so terrible that I could never truly change for the better, even as I tried to....And the part that hurt the most about the whole thing was not being believed. I didn’t expect them to forgive me, especially not right away.....I just wanted them to believe me....But no one believed me when I apologized again. No one believed me when I told them I didn’t mean any harm to any of them, and said that I’m completely aware of my mistakes, trying to be better, and would try not to repeat any of the crap I did before. Nothing I said was hitting at all, it was like I was just white noise to them.....

And after it was over, I thought about it more, let it sit with me......as I sobbed my face off, of and on, for days.....I hated knowing I hurt my friends, I hated it, hated it.....Thinking about what they were going through around me....Were they really that hurt? Was I really as awful as they said? Am I really incapable of changing and being better? What should I do to make everyone happy? Is it best for them if I wasn’t there anymore? Is it best for everyone? Do I deserve this pain, for everyone’s sake? Is everyone better off if I.....went away.....forever......?

But thankfully.....the tears slowly dried.....Thanks to the friends I still have, I got back on my feet, though it took a bit......And I’ve obviously looked back on everything a LOT.....And as the pain dulled, I started to think clearer....And identify the root causes of my mistakes.

Yes....I did mess up. I’m not the victim here. Just because it hurt, doesn’t mean I didn’t deserve to be called out. Everything I said before this was how I felt in the moment, but this is how I feel about it presently:

It’s true that I never wanted to hurt anyone. EVER. I’m one of the least threatening people on the planet. I’m a socially-awkward, anxious mess of a person who struggles with the simplest of things. I’m timid, shy, but once I get comfy, I’ll ramble on, and fangirl....and I get flustered very easily. When I get flustered, I say stupid things. I do stupid things. And.....I'm constantly worrying about being annoying. I never had any hidden agendas to “make everything revolve around me” or anything like that. In fact.....I HATE the feeling of controlling other people (It was actually a running thing that I was the most submissive person in the server). I prefer being a follower to a leader, scared of disappointing people I care for. And I NEVER wanted any more attention than anyone else. I know I’m not important. I was just another fangirl in a server full of them. A server that belonged to everyone equally......Everyone got to be happy, and that’s part of what made it so great.....Every time one of my friends got attention, I’d watch, sure, but I’d never intentionally take away from them. No matter how much I reacted, no matter how flustered I’d get, no matter how many stupid noises I made...If I knew that I was stealing attention, I would’ve tried to step back, but still getting anxious over letting people I care about down.....in case they really DID want to indulge me....

I absolutely hate forcing people to do things they don’t wanna do. Whenever someone does something for me, I want it to be because they WANT to. I’d ask things like “Are you sure?” out of anxiety. This is especially true of RPing. My anxiety over RPing is so bad that I’ll never initiate one. I always want people who RP with me to actively have fun doing it, not because I’m forcing it. I always worry about the people I do it with, and if they’re having fun, or if I’m being a waste of time....And if, at any point, I had picked up on the fact that I was forcing anything, I would’ve backed off right away and apologized.

So, me being called.....m-manipulative....? That hurt....because that’s not me.....and that’s why I.....got so defensive.....

But.....like I said at the start.....I was focusing on the wrong things.

Sure, that one part was a misunderstanding. But who flipping cares? I still messed up. I messed up BADLY. It doesn’t matter if it was intentional or not. I still hurt people I care about, and I still deserved to be called out for it. While it’s true that nothing I did was intentional, they still brought up good points about me that I needed to hear, even if it hurt. After letting everything sit with me for a month, I’m finally able to address it, and put it in text so that I’ll never forget it. I guess.....this is my own callout post to myself.

So....the biggest cause of all of this.....is self-hatred.

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I.....don’t really have a high opinion of myself, and I consider everyone who I get attached to to be more deserving of nice things than me. The biggest example is when it comes to Spinel....I’d always be so so self-conscious when thinking about how she’d view me compared to my friends, who are more entertaining, and more deserving of her attention....at least, in my eyes. I wasn’t jealous of the attention they’d get, though (I’d cheer them on), I just looked up to them. At first, this wasn’t a huge problem as a lot of my friends had the same issues. But.....it got worse. Over time, my mind attacked me more and more.....I blamed myself for nearly every uncomfortable or bad situation that would happen.....and started to fear being left out and being alone. This led to situations of me basically going into tangents over how much I hate myself over things that had nothing to do with me. I’d blame myself, over and over again.....

Every single time I would beat myself up over being boring/useless/annoying/etc, my friends were always there, comforting me and making me feel better. But here’s the thing: I started doing this IN THE WRONG PLACES, at THE WRONG TIMES. Like, I would offhandedly mention how I wish I was more like someone else and have to be assured I was fine, during someone else’s moments, because I was an idiot and it didn’t hit me that people would actually stop what they’re doing to talk to me. I can even remember a few times when a friend was having a really bad day, and I would have a mental breakdown over worrying about them, needing to be calmed down. THAT could’ve been kept to myself. Like I said before, I never EVER intended to get special treatment compared to anyone else. But, the way I’d constantly moan about how “It’s all my fault”, “I’m so sorry I’m so annoying”, and especially the constant self-consciousness over Spinel.....All of that.....how every single time, it ended with people comforting me in some way......it was EASY for them to interpret all of that as guilt-trippy. I wasn’t aware of it then, but I can see why people would think that now. I kept doing it, cuz I was so comfortable venting to them that.....I got into a habit of it. In my head, it was just a thing that we all did, not just me. But I had no idea of what I was doing, and how often, until I had to have it spelled out to me......and that’s just....yikes. Luckily, I’ve learned now that there’s a time and a place to vent, and I’ve made a real effort to dial back on my self-deprecating comments, after being called out....but it didn’t matter anymore. It was one case of “I learned my lesson, but I did it so often in the past that no one believes me when I say that.” And I have no one to blame there but myself.....

But I will still take that message to heart, and will try to pass it to others. There’s a time and place to vent your insecurities. Do it in a dedicated space if you can. Don’t do it in a way that brings down the mood, or in any way that could be an interruption.

But that wasn’t the only mistake I made. Oh no no no. It gets even worse. My self-loathing issues have done worse than annoy people and get misinterpreted. I’ve said things that I extremely regret saying.

So.....in.....either late August or early September....around that time, things got a lot more stressful and sad in the server. There was a period where it seemed like every other day, a friend would have some kind of breakdown and leave the server. When someone I care about isn’t feeling well, my worry over them makes me overly-anxious, and....yyyyyyeah, my mind became even meaner to me. Th-the point is, people I cared about were having a hard time, and....I spent a lot of time worrying and stressing over them. I felt helpless.....I wished I could help them and make them feel better, the way they helped me....and, I started overthinking a lot of things, wondering if I was a bad friend.

I was so sick of myself for always saying “I suck at cheering people up besides being a distraction” and using that as an excuse to not do anything....It felt like I was doing the same thing over and over again: worrying about people while being too shy to reach out, and worrying that not reaching out made it seem like I didn’t really care.....

There’s one friend of mine.....who is really good at cheering me up when I’m depressed. He’s done it multiple times. I never ask to be cheered up, but.....he seems to always know what to say. And.....I look up to him. I wanna be a person like that.....a good friend who knows what to say......and......

And so I tried. After a certain point, I decided to stop whining and try reaching out to my friends more. I DMed more often, wrote them things, tried showing them I care. And at first, I thought I was doing the right thing, even if it was outside my comfort zone. It was worth it if I made someone feel just a little bit better while in a bad place.

But....I wasn’t good at it. At all. I was way too anxious to act calmly in those situations, and as a result, most of them.....didn’t go so well. As in, I never, I dunno, thought things through before saying them. Which, when talking to someone emotionally vulnerable, you should ALWAYS DO. I should know! I AM one of those people!

A lot of the time, I.....I struggle to convey my emotions properly. When I’m emotional, I say stupid things without thinking. Sometimes, it’s something that sounded fine in my head, but once I say it or type it out, I realize how wrong it really sounded. One thing about me is that I’ll never take the cheap excuse of “It was the autism’s fault” or “It was the anxiety’s fault”, because....stuff like that sounds so wrong to me. Those things are a part of myself, so blaming them is really just another way of saying that I was wrong. But yes, it’s true that a lot of autistic people suffer from the same social issues that I do. Coming off as insensitive by talking without thinking. This also goes back to what I mentioned earlier about how I act like an idiot when I’m flustered. I get emotional, I stop thinking. That’s all there is to it. And I wish I could just......stop.

While trying to talk to a friend who was going through a hard time, there were occasions where, either out of stress or evil brain jumping to conclusions, I would bring my self-loathing issues into the situation. AGAIN, with the self-loathing in the wrong place at the wrong time! When someone I care about isn’t feeling well, my worry over them makes me overly-anxious. ....I’d try to say “I hope you’re doing OK! We miss you!” and after a bit, it was devolve into “Please please come back, I’m sorry if I did anything wrong, I’m such an awful friend, boohoo”, and......yikes? After this distance, I realize just how badly-worded a lot of the stuff I said was.

Sometimes, I would catch on to what I said really quickly, instantly feel guilty, and delete the message, hoping no one saw it (guess what: that doesn’t change anything if they still saw it), but other times, I was so dang OBLIVIOUS to just how obnoxious I was acting, and needed it spelled out to me.

The ultimate irony is that, in trying to be there for my friends, I was such an emotional wreck that....I ended up coming across as selfish instead. The exact opposite of my intention.

I wanted to be like my friend, and failed. All cuz I let my own feelings get in the way.

Whenever I’d be called out on something, I’d apologize. And afterward, I’d do my very best to never repeat my mistakes. After being called out for sticking my nose in where I wasn’t wanted, I stopped initiating DMs with anyone who didn’t wanna talk, and made extra careful to double-check things I said. I was extra cautious about everything, scared of messing up again.

And....it seemed like my apologies were accepted, and things were fine again. But.....there came a point where it’d just been.....enough.

The damage was done. The conclusions about me were made. And my reaction - getting defensive over a misunderstanding instead of actually focusing on the fact that good points were made about me - didn’t help matters.

I poured my heart and soul apologizing to them, swearing over and over again that I learned my lesson. And.....almost no one believed me. Because I messed up THAT badly. Everything that came out of my mouth was taken as a sob story. And the feeling of not being believed and trusted anymore hurt so badly that I......shattered. I broke down.....

But now, thinking clearly, I see the full picture better. I see the truth behind the misunderstanding, and boil everything down to the core issues that I can focus on improving.

Sure, I’m not manipulative, and I’ll take those words to my grave. But I was still oblivious, annoying, invasive, and my self-loathing was a MAJOR problem that I let leak into too many conversations. It got to the point where it came off as guilt-trippy and attention-seeking. I can’t deny that anymore. That’s how people saw it. Sure, it was never intentional, but no more sugar-coating.

My biggest problems were: 1. The self-loathing problems, and 2. The obliviousness of what I was doing and how it made people feel. Those are the core issues. Everything else can be traced back here.

And.....that’s everything. All my self-reflecting, summed up here. A reminder of my mistakes.

I’m so sorry.....for everything I did. I’m working on it.....I promise. Thank you for letting me know.

This is the kind of apology I should’ve given them.....Properly self-aware, not that overdramatic mush....

.....I was never mad at them for saying those things. Even when the wounds were fresh, I was never mad at them, only myself and the situation.....I didn’t wanna hate them, I wanted to make things right.....And.....M-maybe it’s me being weak, but.....I still think the world of them now. I still think of them as my friends.....Especially now, when I can look back and try to understand why they did it. They were hurt, and they were only doing what was best for them......And I hope they’re all happy now that it’s taken care of. Cuz....they deserve to be happy.

I know that all I can really do is talk about how I feel, and give my side of the story, but I’ve still thought a lot about what they must have felt.....How hurt they were, what they thought, and if it was hard to do.....I can never truly know without communicating. And, for the sake of their privacy, and not bringing up specific details, I won’t put words in anyone’s mouth. This is mainly about my feelings, because that’s all I can share. But yes, this isn’t the whole story.

Sure, it still sucks, knowing that without some kind of magic lie detector, I can never truly prove that I never wanted to use or hurt anyone, and that I really did care about them so much.....but I have to live with it. This is the price I have to pay.

And through the experience, I learned important lessons that I’ll keep close to my heart.

Back when the wounds were fresh, I was blaming every little thing about me, trying to find justification that I was unlovable trash and didn’t deserve happiness. I blamed things that weren’t at fault at all, or that I have no control over, like preferences and squicks.....anything that could’ve been annoying people all along......But, I think I finally got it straightened out now.

My feelings for Spinel aren’t at fault here. (After all, I wasn’t the only one who had them) While my ramblings about not feeling worthy of her attention, and the stupid things I’d say when flustered over her, caused some issues, those things stem from personal faults of mine that have always been there. My self-loathing would still be just as bad if she wasn’t there. I’d just be directing it at something or someone else. So, no, I’m not forcing myself to get over her. I don’t blame her. Thinking about her brings me comfort still, after all this time....and I don’t wanna let that go. I can improve as a person, and still.....l-love her.....

No, I learned what I REALLY have to change, and have already made the steps to do so. I’ve made new rules for myself. I’ve started internalizing my self hatred and anxiety more instead of oversharing it. I only vent my issues in private places, or on here, where I’m not forcing people to read my crap. I’m DONE with forcing anyone to listen over and over again about how I hate myself, and.....how I’m now in this endless cycle of hating myself FOR hating myself.....it’s a lose-lose situation either way. Point is, no more of those self-loathing tangents unless it’s called for.

And other things, too......I’ve been extra careful about RPing, I’ve been extra careful about joining conversations, and.....about everything, really. Especially DMing. Now more than ever, I’m scared of forcing people to pay attention to me....I’m worried about coming off the wrong way. When someone pays attention to me, I don’t want it to be forced. I wanna believe I deserve it. If I ever deserve anything.....(And finally, one last minor change: I’ll no longer voice chat unless I’m muted. My voice is seriously obnoxious, especially when flustered, to the point where I’ll unintentionally insert myself into conversations just by making stupid noises in the background. I’m too loud. SCREW my voice. I hate my voice. No more.)

And, as the past month or so has gone on, and I’ve slowly recovered, and gotten past this period of self-reflection.....I’ve started talking to people again, slowly regaining the confidence to do so.....while keeping my new rules in mind. And, I’m happy to say that I haven’t messed up.....yet. Don’t wanna jinx it. But yeah.....maybe I really have improved.....

And.....for the past couple weeks.....I’ve been......happy? Well, the happiest I’ve been since that day. I’m no longer miserable, and I’m in good spirits. That’s good, cuz it means that I’m not bothering people!

So....I’m optimistic. Maybe that’s a bad thing.....but at the moment, it doesn’t feel that way.

In the near future, I.....I do wanna reach out to the friends I hurt. I wanna try apologizing one last time. Maybe that’s me not wanting to let go, but.....I really care for them, and we had so much fun together......It felt like we made each other happy, before everything got bad.....I don’t wanna feel like everything we ever did was because I was awful.....the whole time.....I don’t want the memories to be tainted.....

But.....I’m scared to go back right now......I’m scared of messing it up by getting emotional again. If they don’t forgive me, that’s fine. That’s their choice to make. But I at least want them to believe me.....and if that doesn’t happen, then it’s my fault again.

So....yeah.....I do wanna go back and give it one last try.....but later, when I’m SURE I’m ready. For now, as long as I feel like there’s a part of me that’s gonna get all dramatic and moody, I’m not ready. Cuz I wanna push that part of me away. No more pity parties. No more....no more talking over them. I’ll let them beat into me if it’ll make them feel better......and I’ll be happy to be forgiven, if that’ll make them feel better.

Either way, I don’t want it to end like this....but......is it selfish to want closure? Cuz, even if I don’t get forgiveness.....at least give me that. At least let me end this on a respectful note. Cuz....I don’t wanna be a coward. I don’t wanna just.....move on without taking the steps to fix the situation, especially with the people that were there for me so often......

Geez, this got long......sorry if you read all of this. I just.....wanted to put this all somewhere......TLDR: I’m so incredibly sorry for everything I’ve ever done, and I’m taking the steps I can to improve myself and become a better person. It’s not easy, and I’ll never forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made.....but I’ll try to get there somehow.

Keep moving forward......

#im intentionally keeping details about specific events vague for privacy purposes #cuz i am NOT in a position to reveal anything more #i just wanna vent #i dont wanna attack people (other than myself) and i dont wanna over dramatize anything #these are just my raw feelings and thats it #thats my disclaimer #venting

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nexstage · 6 years ago

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LIMBO SILVAM - EPILOGUE (1/2)

Inside the Beach House, everything and everyone were silent. Pearl was drying the dishes with a somber expression, Amethyst, sat in one of the seats in front of the kitchen island, played with her hair bitterly, and Connie was on the sofa looking at her sword, red and puffy eyes trying to holding back more tears. At her left was a gemstone placed over a pillow: Peridot's gemstone.

There was also Lion who watched intently the little gem in her comatose condition like waiting for a signal to act.

If silence had a name, it would be unbearable or hell. Utter, endless hell. The tension between the members of the Crystal Gems could be noticed even for the most oblivious individual in the whole world. Though that didn't matter not the fact that no one in the Beach House had the mood or the guts to 'break the ice' with a single comment. However, what could they say after the torment they were put through?

Amethyst sighed, fed up with the uncertainty, and looked at Pearl and Connie. Both her friends were too immersed in their own way of grief that it seemed they had forgotten the only person who was in the shadows. "Hey," she started but no one listened "Hey, guys" Amethyst was met with the same silence.

Irritated and with her patience to her limit, she resorted to her best tactic. A very high whistle took them by surprise, Pearl caught one of the plates she was drying before it broke into pieces and Connie accidentally dropped her sword to the floor.

"Amethyst, what the heck?!" the veteran gem glared at the quartz "Why did you do that?!"

"Because we're wasting time, P!"

"Wasting time...with what?" Connie asked, her voice a bit hoarse due to the crying. She coughed a bit to clear it. "What do you mean?"

"What are we going to do with Peridot once she wakes up?" Pearl caught the meaning of Amethyst's question faster than Connie and grimaced, trying to think a good answer. "Well..." hesitation stopped her from a moment before continuing "Obviously, we're going to check on her. Verify if she can remember what happened after she was poofed... And cracked... Almost killed..." the last thing was said in a trembling whisper "Then when we're sure her memories are intact, we'll tell her the truth".

"Really, Pearl? Like, for real?" Amethyst sent her the best, most unimpressed stare the old gem had seen in her quasi-immortal life "You're the smartest gem I've known, and this is your best shot?"

"Amethyst, I understand your reservations about my methods but, what can we do? There is no option for Peridot"

"There IS one and that is not waking up. Ever"

"You can't be serious, Amethyst!" Connie yelled outraged and approached the quartz while glaring at her "Have you forgotten that Steven is still in the hospital waiting for an answer about Peridot's condition? Hoping for her to stay in a coma forever is too cruel! Steven can't lose someone else!"

"Well, what's your plan then?!" losing her temper, Amethyst sat up from her seat of the kitchen island and glared at Connie as intensely as the girl "Are we going to tell Peridot 'Hey P-Dot, glad you're awake. Remember that crazy gem, Spinel, who wanted to poison Earth with a giant injector and tried to kill us all? Well, you and Lapis really got into serious trouble with her and almost got crashed, except that you got lucky and Lapis is a bunch of shards inside a bubble. Anyway, want some consolation cookies?'. Do you really expect anyone to say that?! Even after we saw how heartbroken Steven was when we told him?!"

"Ok, enough, both of you!" Pearl put herself in the middle to stop a fight between the pair and pinched the bridge of her nose. Sighing heavily, she gazed at them "Look, this is a compromising situation and there is no way out of it unless we are honest with Peridot. Praying for an endless coma to save everyone from giving the bad news isn't possible and to top it all, it's even selfish"

"How can that be selfish if Peridot is going to suffer again, P?! Should I remind you that Lapis left her homeless and depressed and now is unable to come back like the last time?!" Pearl glared at her as if ordering her to not lose her temper, but Amethyst looked away angrily while crossing her arms. The purple quartz wasn't a fan of Lapis, and her opinion of the blue gem went to total disapproval after Steven told her about Lapis and Peridot's disagreement that ended up with the first one taking the barn to space while the second one was left sad and lonely.

Despite Lapis' sudden return to Earth and her saving them from Blue Diamond when she crashed Ruby and Sapphire's wedding, Amethyst was still wary with the ex terraformer.

"That incident is something between those two, Amethyst. If they've talked things through, fine, if not, it's up to them. We can't mix something from the past with what's happening now"

"Still, it's better if we spared her from more hurt feelings. We have lost too much thanks to Mrs. Revenge Noodle Gem who wanted to give Earth a piece of her mind"

"What we need right now is to plan the best way to deliver the news, Amethyst. We're her friends" Connie intervened after ordering her thoughts while still holding back the tears "Everyone here is in the same position as you because no one can be as close to Lapis like Peridot, Bismuth or Steven. Besides, what if she finds out about Lapis' demise on her own? It's not like it's impossible for someone to discover a gem or her remnants inside a bubble hidden in a secret place! I mean, Steven could find Bismuth and discover what happened to her, and Peridot is too smart for her own good!"

"That was luck. Pure luck and Lion was living with us. But anyway, what do YOU expect us to tell her? No matter if we are too careful or go straight to the point, nothing will save Peridot from the heartbreak!"

"She isn't the only one!!" Connie cried, anguished tears finally running down her cheeks "I. Was. There!! I was there when I saw Lapis' gemstone shatter. I-I-I was so goddamn close t-to... The fountain was in front of me, just some steps and she would be healed and safe... But... I wasn't fast enough. She broke into p-pieces in my own hands. I can still hear the crack, see myself trying to put her back together just to--"

Pearl immediately hugged her close to her chest and the girl cried, holding tight on the gem she considered a second mother.

For the veteran gem to see her apprentice falling apart like that, it tortured her mercilessly. No one had any idea of how to approach Peridot with the fact that the gem she was closest to died after both were defeated by Spinel. Connie was right that only Steven, Peridot and Bismuth -at some extent- were close to Lapis, and she and the blue gem had a rocky history between them concerning the mirror and Pearl storing her inside her gem without checking if the object was gem-powered or if a gem was imprisoned in it. However, that didn't stop her from being horrified and saddened by Lapis' shattering.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only concern. Spinel and her reasons to destroy Earth with them in it were the second priority which she didn't want anything to do with. Despite having defeated her, Pearl couldn't grasp in her mind -full of good and conflicting memories of Pink- how the deceased Diamond could have been so cruel, thoughtless and self-centered to abandon Spinel while deceiving her with a 'waiting game'. Advanced equations or building a robot were tasks Pearl could do easily; understanding Pink at all, that was another story.

And to make it worse, they have suffered because of another careless decision of her. Steven had to fix another mistake that even took one of his friends' life. She could get that Pink needed to grow up and prove herself to the Diamonds back then, that running a colony required too much time and work to spare in other activities or fun, that her interests and Spinel's were completely different, but just look at what her lack of guts has caused!

She could've left Spinel with the Peebles in her palace on Homeworld or tell her the truth kindly that they were growing apart, heck, put her in charge to take care of the garden with the aid of some gems. She could have done something better, anything!

But no!

Pink just played with Spinel's head and prayed at everyone's backs that this never 'bit her in the butt' as humans said. Technically, it didn't blow up in her face but it did with Steven's. Pearl just hoped her little boy could heal appropriately and not be burdened by more of his mother's screwups.

"I'm sorry" Connie and Amethyst glanced at the thin gem who lowered her head in shame "I know I didn't cause this mess, but... But if I had known Pink was going to left Spinel, if I had known the abandonment was going to break Spinel mentally, I would've tried to stop Pink or tell her to take another course of action. If I had acted, things would be different now. Again, I failed to change the future for the better"

"Come on, P! Don't be ridiculous!" Amethyst punched her in the arm, not to start a fight but because it was her way right now to give comfort "You can be annoying sometimes, but your heart is where your friends are! That's why you're thousands of times much better than Pink. You have grown, you changed, you're the best! But her? She cheated and lied to get her way! Sure, Rose, Pink, -whoever she was- played a part in saving the Earth and if it weren't for her, we wouldn't have Steven, but if it weren't for YOU, the Crystal Gems would've never existed. I mean, you were the one with the idea of pretending to be another gem, and that led to both of you to explore the planet, fight for it and then for the gems who wanted to be free, dude! Besides, YOU are part of the heart of the Crystal Gems, and then Garnet, and me, Steven, Greg, Lion, Connie, Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, and the gems we healed from corruption and live in Little Homeworld, but not Pink. She may have tried, but she didn't try enough. Not like you, Pearl. So, stop that bullshit about feeling guilty for someone else's mistake!"

"She's right, Pearl. You've done so many great things, heck, you're like a second mother to me. Besides, don't take offense of this, but even if you'd tried to convince Pink to talk with Spinel or to leave her in Homeworld where she would be with other gems, I doubt Steven's mom had listened. She didn’t stop to consider the consequences of faking her shattering after all" Connie rubbed at her teary eyes, her face becoming more serious "I don't know what to feel anymore, but that doesn't mean we have to fight each other like moments ago. Peridot will need us more than ever when she knows about Lapis. We have to tell her the truth and give her our support. And even if we'll never have the chance to get to know Lapis better, at least we will pay her our respects while taking care of Peridot. It's what she had wanted us to do. It's the right thing to do. For Lapis, for Peridot and especially for Steven"

"Yeah, you know, even when I never liked her that much, even less when P-Dot was all alone after she left, I could see how much those two were meant for each other. Sure, maybe I can't see it that well because I'm more defensive on Peridot's side, she's my friend after all, but I know there was something more than a closeness between them. But once Peridot wakes up, it'll be gone"

"And that's where Spinel didn't have luck enough to heal" Pearl explained though the others didn't get it at first "Peridot has all of us. Spinel only had Pink, but when she abandoned her, there was no one she could turn to for comfort and hope. Losing Lapis in this way, I can't imagine the devastation in Peridot's face, but at least she won't be alone. So, no matter how we approach her with the news, we'll never leave her side"

Amethyst and Connie nodded determinedly and joined hands with Pearl in silent camaraderie and solidarity.

The sound of the warp pad being used startled them, Garnet's silhouette visible despite the blinding light, then the stoic gem got out of the warp pad, a scowl on her face. Pearl gulped a bit and separated from the other two to talk with her comrade despite the nervousness "Glad you're ok, Garnet... How'd it go?" She asked, her voice almost shaking.

"Really. Exhausting" she hissed, her teeth were gritted strongly, barely containing the urges to punch something or yell. Whenever there was too much frustration to deal with, Ruby made herself noticeable via angry growls and tense seriousness. The fusion massaged her temples to alleviate herself from the high-level stress and exhale a big sigh "We have 5 minutes before Peridot reforms so, I'll be quick. Spinel's new prison in Homeworld will take some preparations, the Diamonds are still in disbelief about what had happened to her and what she'd done, but they at least understood that Spinel is a huge danger to Steven as long as she is free so they'll take care of her while she's still in the bubble until the prison is finished"

"Wait a second, some preparations?" Pearl was the first talking before the others intervened, "What do you mean by that? Garnet, it has been two weeks since the attack and people are still paranoid about another gem wanting to destroy the planet. I know this is going too far but Spinel is seriously obsessed with her senseless revenge, she needs to be shattered"

"But what about Steven?" Connie asked concerned. Shattering was a quick option that could save them from more work, but her best friend would never agree "Are we going to lie to him if he wants to know what we did with Spinel? Even if she deserves that punishment, he will be against that idea"

"Yeah! 'Sides if the Diamonds think they can replace Pink with Spinel and keep her in check by putting her on a royal pedestal then screw them! They'll make it worse and Spinel might escape and try to kill us again!"

The discussion went on and on, too caught up in finding out what to do with the Diamonds' sudden affection towards the homicidal gem and the repercussions of telling Peridot about Lapis' demise that they didn't notice Peridot's reformation until Lion growled at them.

"Shit! She's coming back!" The four Crystal Gems saw her comrade's light projection getting out of the gemstone and then the little gem plopped on the ground, dizzy and confused.

"Ugh... My head... What happened?"

Suddenly, she was engulfed in a bear hug by Connie and Amethyst while Pearl and Garnet watched from behind. Peridot's appearance had changed: her visor now had the shape of the upper body of the star; she was wearing a mix of boots and sandals, both brown with some golden lines decorating them and a jacket of three tones of green with the Crystal Gem's symbol emblazoned in the middle of it; her hair didn't have her classic triangular style anymore but a star style, complementing with the visor.

"Wow, dude, you look awesome!" Amethyst's compliment broke her train of thought. With a single look at herself, Peridot gasped amazed at her new appearance modifiers "That's what I am talking about! This is how I, the unbeatable ruler of the skies Peridot, should look in front of her enemies!... Still, Ummm, guys do you know what happened? Because there is only one way I could change my appearance and that is by being poofed"

Her friends' joy for having her back was quickly replaced by uncertainty and concern. Before she could ask what was wrong Connie was the first one speaking "Peridot, what's the last thing you remember?"

"What do you mean? Wait... Are you implying I was poofed during a mission or an accident and brought here?"

Pearl looked at Garnet as if asking her if her future vision had some plan B to help the little gem to recover her memories. The fusion decided to take action and approached her comrade whose face had turned into a pensive frown while searching in her confused mind.

"It seems that what she had done to you have shocked you to the point of not recalling anything" Peridot glanced at Garnet and when she opened her mouth, the taller gem stopped her raising a hand to explain herself "You mentioned your suspicions of being poofed during a mission. They were right, you indeed were poofed while protecting Beach City from a gem. Peridot, does the name Spinel sound familiar to you?"

The former technician pronounced that name silently, the core of her gemstone was tingling with the sole mention of Spinel. However, her mental repertoire was useless in giving her the information she wanted. Images ran through her mind with such velocity it was difficult to process what they meant and the collage of sounds and voices didn't seem to have an end.

Then a headache. Oh how loving! Now she had to deal with that!

"Peridot... Can't you remember anything?" Connie's tone of voice was a mix of concerned and pleading, but right now it grated her nerves. Since when human children sounded so annoying?!

"Shhhhh! I'm trying to concentrate!" Peridot hissed. Closing her eyes, she delved in the deepness of her memories just to find... Nothing. A complete mess.

"Ugh! This is useless! I kind of have the answers at the tip of my tongue but they don't come any closer!"

Putting a hand on her shoulder, Pearl stopped the distressed Crystal Gem before she got more frustrated "It's alright, Peridot. Maybe we can find another way to revive your memories without you fainting for the exhaustion"

"More like going insane for the headache" the little gem mumbled angrily.

"But, anyway, Garnet, you said a Spinel attacked Beach City right? I have read about that kind of gem: they're jesters, entertainers. Not warriors or weapon-experts gems. So, why one would want to invade Earth?"

"It was for very personal reasons" Pearl intervened, shame and anger painted on her facial features.

Peridot started formulating many theories around that. What kind of personal reason would a Spinel have to attack them? Was it because of the new statu quo of Era 3? That might be, after all, now with the Diamonds out of leadership and all the gems being freed, there was more space for new purposes, but that also meant that many gems would feel lost and angry for their sole job to be questioned and for some of them to get revenge at the responsible for those changes. Wait! If that was true, that means Steven was the target and he wasn't in the Beach House. Where was he?!

"Where is Steven?" that question surprised the rest of the group, and strangely enough, she perceived some relief in their eyes but didn't have time to ponder about the source of their reaction "Where is he? Is he ok?"

"Hospital" Garnet's response got her attention though not in the way she wanted "He is recovering at the hospital. Let's go, he needs to see you"

"Garnet, wait, our only way to get there is by Lion and hospitals don't allow any animals much less magical ones!" The fusion went to the wireless phone, grabbed it and gave it to Pearl "Call Greg, tell him we're coming to visit with Peridot now reformed. Ask him if there are humans in Steven's room so we can be prepared to go when they're gone."

The veteran gem nodded and dialed to him.

The former technician was left observing everyone's behavior, even feeling a subject of it. Pearl's voice was trembling, her posture rigid but with some freaking-out urges escaping from the seams. Garnet was at her side, the stoic manifestation of leadership though more bitter and somber than any time she had seen her like that. Meanwhile, Connie and Amethyst were looking at her and at each other conspicuously. If there was something she disliked was to be left in the dark. It was much better when data was delivered to her so she could make a plan or get to a conclusion, but Connie and Amethyst weren't helping which irritated a bit. And every time she glanced at her friends, the girl and the quartz looked away as if not knowing how to talk to her. Did they know something Peridot should remember or being informed about but didn't have the guts to tell her? The most concerning thing was Connie's eyes, they were so puffy and red, it must have been related to Steven's condition which worried her more because if the girl had cried that much it meant Steven's life was in peril.

Then an alarming realization crossed her mind, "What happened to that Spinel? Is she still free wreaking havoc?"

Amethyst tensed slightly at the mention of her name, that wasn’t a good signal. "Poofed and bubbled, dude" the quartz said, Peridot sighed internally. So there was no danger or enemy ready to kill Steven. That was good.

"You can't still remember what happened to you?" Peridot tried again, but her mind was as uncooperative as ever.

"Nothing. Ugh! This is such a mess. A Spinel with a vengeful agenda against Steven, him in the hospital, my memories too disorganized and fragmented to make sense, all of you acting so weird around me"

"We're not" Peridot raised an eyebrow not buying that. "Really? You two are sending secret messages by looking at each other and then you glance at me with a sort of pity which I don't like. At all"

"We're just worried about you. You were in a coma for 2 weeks"

TWO WEEKS?!! Was she kidding her?!

Connie froze, Amethyst glared at her for letting that bit of info escape from her mouth, but it didn't matter now that Peridot was digging harder than ever every corner of her mind something to put the images and sounds together so she could remember what happened to her exactly. Protecting Beach City from a revenge-thirst Spinel who tried to kill Steven wasn't context enough for her. A little voice told her that her friends knew more but couldn't explain or were afraid or...

Ugh! Whatever, she needed to know!

However, just when the green mechanic was going to demand answers, Pearl interrupted "Time to go. There are no nurses in Steven's room, so we can use Lion to warp there"

Amethyst shapeshifted into a little monkey, holding onto Pearl's shoulders; Garnet sat on Lion's back after Connie and Pearl, whose appearance was weird with a primate-sized Amethyst on her. "Peridot, time to go" Garnet commanded. The green gem fulfilled the order numbly, her mind too full of many questions and few answers to process correctly what was happening in those moments.

---------------------------

Hospitals were now the bane of existence for Greg. Before he never thought of them unless his son's health was in peril whether for a serious illness or severe injuries and with the dangerous lifestyle Steven had because of his mother's actions, the concerns just grew stronger, despite having the Crystal Gems as Steven's best defense.

Then, with Greg's unhealthy eating habits like hotdogs, donuts and anything with too much sugar or fats, the urgency of going to a hospital became a priority, especially after almost having a heart attack during a family barbecue.

"Dude, even a heavy eater like me knows that too many burgers and other carbo stuff can be the death of you" Amethyst commented when she caught him fighting to breathe and clutching his chest as if it were going to explode.

The purple quartz looked scared, sounded scared, though she tried to lessen the tension in the air with her joke-y tone. Greg asked to not tell this to Steven because that would ruin the fun for him, Amethyst was against that idea but complied with the condition that Greg took better care of himself, that meant fewer snacks and more exercise.

It was a fair deal so he tried hard.

However, now he felt that temptation was going to overtake. The stress and fear were so dense that maybe a snack or two might alleviate those feelings, but Greg refused. His son's condition was more important which just increased his distaste for hospitals.

He couldn't believe this mess was hitting them again, hitting Steven of all people, again!

They should've been rid of Rose's mistakes already, but it seemed that her series of wrongdoings got larger and more infuriating by the second.

He could understand the need to lie and keep secrets because, hey!, he even kept some like his real name, but for Rose to deceive Spinel into playing a 'waiting game' just for her to not deal with the fact of telling the other the truth of them growing apart, and for that to blow up in Steven's face when Spinel found out Rose abandoned her...

It was nauseating. He didn't have the heart to act in that way, though why delving in the past when Rose wasn't there to defend herself or receiving a piece of everyone's mind for putting them, especially Steven, through another hell of her problems.

The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if he really knew his lover.

"I barely know you"

"That's a good thing"

What did Rose mean by that? That she even was aware all her progress and growth were insignificant compared to the cost and it was better being all ignorant about it? Or that thinking of her as a perfect person was the best option despite the obvious consequences of the festering secrets and wounds?

Anyway, that didn't change the outcome: Steven got hurt and had to fix this as any other problem Rose caused.

Just recalling the agonizing pain his son had gone through when he was told one of his friends, Lapis Lazuli, was shattered by Spinel during her revenge tore his heart apart. The anguished weeping, the shaking body, the horrified eyes, it was like seeing another person, no, the embodiment of sorrow taking over Steven.

Greg shook his head, trying to rid of those horrible images and just focus on being there for his boy. The teenager was sleeping a bit easier now that he had been informed Peridot was ok, although the many machines hooked to him make Greg believe his son has a terminal illness.

However, there was no time to grimace at that prospect because suddenly, a warp portal appeared in the middle of the hospital room and Lion got out. In its back were Garnet, Pearl, a monkey-sized Amethyst holding the pale gem's shoulders, Connie and Peridot.

The Pink beast flopped on the floor, exhausted. Steven opened his eyes slowly due to the noise and his eyes sparkled after seeing the green gem. "Peridot! You're alive!"

The former technician was shocked at Steven's appearance. The once confident and strong savior of the universe had terribly pale skin, huge bags decorated his eyes who were a bit red and puffy, many machines were connected to his body and his voice sounded so small and weak. Was this person really Steven?

"Steven, what on stars happened to you?!" Garnet shushed her for talking too loud, Peridot ignored the fusion and ran to be on her friend's side. Connie was the second, being on the right side of Steven's bed, hugging him tightly just to make sure he wouldn't disappear.

"I'm glad you're ok, Peri" For some reason Peridot couldn't explain, the nickname gave her a familiar sensation though she felt it came from someone else "I was so worried about you. I thought you'd never wake up"

"Me being in a coma doesn't matter as much as your condition, Steven! What happened? I mean, the only things the others have told me is that a vengeful Spinel attacked Beach City, I was there protecting it and she poofed me"

"...They didn't tell you?" Steven's eyes directed to the rest of the group with a secret message 'Why you haven't told her?'. Garnet decided to take action before the tension got worse "She still can't remember what happened. But we will show her the proofs and deliver the news"

"News about what?" Everyone except Peridot grimaced or winced at that question. The little gem didn't like the prospect of her friends lying to her or leaving her in the shadows as if she couldn't take some bad news "Come on, guys! This isn't fair! Now Steven is acting weird, there are still details I want to know about Spinel's attack and to top it all, there is bad news which you don't want to tell me! Wait, is it Little Homeworld, isn't it? Is everyone there ok? Are Bismuth and Laz alright?"

"We'll show you, Peridot" Pearl's voice could barely contain the grief "For now, don't push it too much. Your mind needs to be well-rested if you want to process everything that is to come"

The mechanic wasn't satisfied with that response. It sounded like Pearl was pitying her, but if it took patience to get to the bottom of this, then it would have to be whether she liked it or not.

During the 15 minutes of the visit, it was hinted many things concerning Spinel and how Beach City was dealing with all the damage inflicted by her. Sometimes, Steven let a bit of information escape on purpose to help Peridot's memories to resurface just for the little gem to still find her mind a collage-like mess which just left her confused and frustrated.

"You guys should go to Mask Island" Steven suggested, everyone tensed up at that option while Peridot wondered what the island had to do with Spinel and Beach City in ruins. Unless the destructive gem was bubbled and put there so no one has to be burdened by what she had done, but no, it wasn't possible. They had the Temple for storing bubbled gems after all.

"Dude, are you sure about this?" Amethyst hated to admit it but showing Peridot the remnants of her and Lapis' battle against Spinel didn't sound like the best idea. What if it didn't work? What if it was too much and Peridot fell apart on herself?

"You have to. Peridot," the look on Steven's eyes unnerved every immaterial inside of her hard-light body. Whatever it is that happened was serious, at least concerning to her due to how everyone was behaving "I'm so sorry"

Sorry... Sorry for what?

"I don't like the course of this conversation" Both Garnet and Pearl lowered her heads somberly. Connie and Amethyst led Peridot to where Lion was resting so they could come back to the Beach House, not without wishing Steven a good recovery and bid Greg farewell. The group returned to the house, the silence a heavy layer of apprehension and sadness. Before using the warp pad Garnet wanted to check if Peridot's memories were still too fragmented to make sense of them "Peridot, try to remember what was the last thing you heard, felt or saw. Don't push yourself though. Just pick what you think you can understand". The green engineer inhaled and exhaled then closed her eyes and dug deeper than ever. Then freeze frames popped out of nowhere, though they looked pixelated to the point of being unrecognizable. The voices inside her head weren't as overwhelming as before, but now they sounded fragmented and too far away for her to understand what they were talking about. However, Peridot was able to number the people who were speaking. There were Connie, Bismuth, Lapis, herself, but there was also a high-pitched, cruel stranger. Wait, was that Spinel?

"It's still confusing but not so much. It seems that I can recognize some voices, maybe they are part of my memories. Connie, Bismuth, Lapis, even me. There is another one but I don't know her. It must be Spinel"

Garnet's stoic face didn't show any emotion, or that is what Peridot believed. There was a tension barely visible in the fusion's posture as if she was trying to keep herself together. It was pretty worrying, but the green gem didn't have time to ask if Garnet was alright because the fusion spoke "It seems your memories from the time Spinel attacked are coming back, though slowly. I know where to start but I want you to know, Peridot, that if it's too overwhelming for you, we can postpone this until you feel better"

Annoyance and irritation sparked in Peridot's gemstone for a while. She appreciated her friends caring about her and being thoughtful about whatever they were going to tell her, but she was starting to feel pitied by them. As if the former technician didn't have what it takes to face the truths they knew.

#Peridot #Crystal Gems #Greg #Steven Universe #Steven Universe: The Movie #Dark #Angst #Tragedy #connie maheswaran

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breakingdownsu · 7 years ago

Text

Chorus Chapter Eight

Note: After the silliness of last chapter, it's back to your regularly scheduled gut punches and general meanness from yours truly. While I'm here, I'd like to thank the people who have reviewed recently, a good review always motivates me to work faster.

…..

Steven passed a thankfully dreamless sleep in the rest pod, even inadvertently catching Ginger in the middle of a crying fit couldn't keep him awake. He was concerned, sure, but all he could really afford to be worried about was that their pace was so slow it felt like time was running out for Pearl, wherever she was. Not to mention every 'cycle' he spent on Homeworld was approximately one day he spent away from his loved ones on Earth. They were probably frantic by now.

Murder Pearl wasn't there when he woke up, but Ginger was. She pushed a glass of that murky liquid towards him without a word and went back to what she was doing; scanning a screen full of long lines of data that looked pretty incomprehensible.

“Where's Orthoclase?” he asked, daring a sip of the liquid. It tasted kind of good this time.

“She is making arrangements to see a Jade in the west quarter,” Ginger replied, eyes still on those rapidly scrolling lines. “The Jade's operations are invite only, she's trying to secure us a place for middle quadrant.”

“Is it another pearl?” Steven asked, though he sort of knew the answer already.

“Yes. Jade has a pearl that sings publicly on a regular basis. It would improve the anchor to borrow her.”

“Okay,” Steven said, fidgeting. “Where's Murder Pearl?”

It was the first time he'd spoken the nickname out loud, and he watched Ginger carefully for a sign that she disapproved. Nothing.

“She released her form,” Ginger replied. “She has a hairline fracture at the base of her gem, she releases when she's not on call.”

That made a lot of sense, and it also made Steven feel really, really bad for Murder Pearl. He didn't doubt all those knocks she took in the arena made the fracture worse, and she'd also been saddled with a really awful nickname. She seemed like a good gem; she had saved Ginger, after all.

I could have used my healing spit to fix her fracture. I'll use it next time I see her.

That next time would be a while; Orthoclase burst through the door a moment later.

“I got two tickets,” she announced. “They're not great seats but I can put you on a box if you want, pebble.”

“What about Ginger?” Steven asked.

“She doesn't need a ticket. Pearls don't count.”

…..

They passed a couple of hours with Orthoclase doing what she called a 'standard rejigging' on a pearl that seemed to be asleep. Steven was in the next room and Orthoclase had blocked off the operating table by a curtain, but from what he could see it looked pretty brutal. By the time she was finished the sleeping pearl was nearly a foot shorter and a completely different colour.

“I have to ask,” Steven said quietly as they were preparing to leave. “It seems like we're going a bit....slow with gathering the pearls. Is there any way we can get them faster?”

“I hear you, pebble,” Orthoclase told him, helping Ginger out of the culvert entrance and locking the door. “This thing is complex, more complex than even I thought. We need to get the important components together first, and we have almost all of them. After that, any pearl will do. Once we have this pearl, it'll speed us up.”

That was such a relief to hear Steven felt faint.

“How complex is it?” he asked, genuinely curious now.

“Lapis' pearl made a diagram,” Orthoclase said. “The anchor is important, and there's a radiating pattern that has to be matched. Anchor in the centre, three pearls forming the column, and six around them to fan it out. Then the rest of the pearls make it grow.”

“Oh.” He was already confused.

“Not only that, but they all have to be in a particular position, they all have to move at the same time and to the same beat, otherwise it all falls apart. Lapis' pearl seems to think we've got a good chance though.”

“It will work,” Ginger assured him. “We won't let her down.”

Strange, even though she said it in that airy, vague way she had of speaking, something about Ginger's words held a steely determination.

They weren't heading for the bad area of town, which was why Orthoclase seemed happy to let Ginger walk with them. They hit two checkpoints on the way in and Ginger's jaw was once again cracked. No matter how many times he saw it, Steven couldn't get used to seeing it. It looked horrifically painful.

“When was the last time you cleaned that thing?” Orthoclase growled at the Topaz performing the check.

“It's iodine washed every cycle,” the Topaz replied smoothly, not even looking at Orthoclase.

“Yeah right,” Orthoclase snorted.

Their destination was a set of buildings stacked in, on and around each other so tightly that they had to pass through single file to get to the place they were going. They stopped at a tall building at the top of a long escalator; to Steven's eye it looked like a nightclub of some sort but did gems have clubbing on Homeworld?

On the inside, it was fancy. Red and gold interior, mirrored floors and ceilings, and full of gems in formal wear. He, Orthoclase and to a lesser extent Ginger looked very out of place. A glamorous-looking gem with orange skin and a flicker of flame-like red hair was singing on a small stage, cheered on by a number of drunken-looking tall gems.

“You should have taken the back entrance,” a voice informed them snidely. They all looked down.

Aquamarine?

It wasn't the one he'd met before, this one was just as tiny but her hair was pulled back in a tight bun and she looked merely irritated and not furious by their presence.

“Sorry,” Orthoclase shrugged, clearly not sorry at all. “First time here and all. You wanna show us where to go?”

The aquamarine sighed heavily, turned sharply on her heel and beckoned for them to follow her.

“Have your tickets ready,” she said. “You can leave your pearl in the holding pen...”

“I'd rather keep her with us, thanks.”

“Of course you would,” Aquamarine sighed again. “Any weapons or sharp objects?”

“No,” Orthoclase answered, and Steven shook his head.

“You'll be going through the scanner, if you are found to be lying we'll be calling the authorities to report intoxication and general assault.”

“We've got nothing on us,” Orthoclase told her.

“Good. There is a general ban on manifesting weapons, if you manifest a weapon...”

“Intoxication and assault, we get it,” Orthoclase grumbled.

There was a scanner like the one Steven had seen once at the airport in front of a large set of double doors. Several gems were already proceeding through it; they were a mix of clearly well-heeled gems along with a number of rougher types, including himself and Orthoclase.

“The nanobytes won't set off the scanner, will they?” Steven whispered to Ginger.

“Not while I'm within ten pelmetres of you,” she whispered back.

Sure enough, they got through the scanner with no problems and were filtered into some seats in a coliseum-type arrangement. The seats were shabby, foam-covered and covered in little holes but even the clearly rich gems didn't seem to care. As the seats filled, two young-looking short gems handed out objects from a black box.

Are those...knives?

When the box was brought around to them (Orthoclase took three, offered one to Ginger, who refused) he got a closer look and they were, in fact, knives. Specifically, they looked like the kind of knives he'd seen ninjas use in movies before. Small, thick, balanced. A red-coloured band was wrapped around the hilt. He held the one given to him by Orthoclase gingerly. What kind of show was this?

The lights dimmed, and into the centre of the room walked a pale green gem dressed in flowing robes. She smiled and waved at the cheering audience, then called for silence.

“Do we have any new-hatches in the audience?”

A number of gems hooted and waved their arms.

“My reputation precedes me,” the green gem laughed. “Well, I'll keep it simple so we can get on with the show. You're holding a tenner blade in your hands. When you see the colour on the band pop up on the screen, you throw it into the ring. Simple, right?”

The audience laughed indulgently.

“But that's not much fun on its own,” the green gem continued. “We need something to aim at. Come on out!”

A crawling feeling had been building in Steven's stomach since being handed the blade, he knew it would be something like this. Sure enough, a pearl stepped lightly into the ring. Draped in some sort of silky trailing fabric, her hair elaborately pinned up....

Her eyes are closed. Why are her eyes closed?

…shimmer dust coating her exposed arms, legs and face, right down to the furrows under her closed eyes.

“Throw from anywhere in the audience, pearl here will hear it and dodge. As you can see, she lacks eyes to see what's coming, but there's nothing wrong with her hearing. It's has been specially tailored to allow for super-sensitive hearing...but we can't make it too easy on her, can we?”

The audience roared that no, they couldn't.

The curtain fell on an enormous drum overlooking the arena. A large hulking gem that Steven couldn't identify stood with a gong, ready to strike. The Jade took her bow and scurried away to cheering, and the pearl took her position in the centre.

“Did you remodel her?” Steven whispered to Orthoclase.

Orthoclase snorted, annoyed.

“Not me,” she hissed. “That's Spinel's work. If I'd done it, I wouldn't have left those marks under her eyes.”

“Is she really blind?” Steven asked.

“Of course. Standard eye removal, one of the easiest jobs there is,” Orthoclase answered. “'Course, when I do it I usually replace the eyes instead of just leaving them out...”

“Ssh!” a gem from behind them hissed, and although she made what was probably a rude gesture Orthoclase went silent.

The overhead screen went blue, and the burly gem hammered the drum. A flurry of sharp metal objects flew into the arena, but the pearl spun, dipped and cartwheeled until the last one hit the ground. None had hit her.

The screen turned purple, and another flurry descended on the arena. The blind pearl somersaulted gracefully out of the path of most of them, sank to the floor on her knees to avoid the others, and leaped over one that had been kept back and thrown at the last minute. She landed neatly on the hilt of one of the previously thrown blades, stood there on tiptoe with one leg stretched out behind her. She gave the audience the tiniest of smiles as they roared their approval.

When the red screen came up, Steven couldn't bear to throw his blade so he just dropped it over the side. The pearl dodged these blades as easily as the others, rolling out of their path and nimbly side-stepping the ones stuck into the floor. She finished each throw with a beautifully-cut balletic pose and a raucous applause from the watching gems.

A little too raucous, at least for one gem.

Steven's attention had been turned to Ginger, when he noticed she wasn't watching the blind pearl perform but watching another gem in the audience. He turned to look at this gem himself.

It was a dark green gem, not particularly big but intimidating all the same. She seemed drunk, or whatever the gem equivalent was. The pale blue gem beside her looked mortified to be in her company.

Out of the corner of his eye, Steven saw Ginger's fingers go to her mouth. Her lips moved, but he couldn't hear any sound come out of them. Her fingers flickered, as though she was breathing something into them. With one audible exhale, she dropped her hands and looked to the blind pearl.

The blind pearl's head tilted slightly. The drumming hadn't started, the screen was waiting for a new colour to be picked, but her body seemed poised to move...

There was a rush of wind as a blade, far too large to be one of the handed-out blades, rocketed right towards the blind pearl. It should have been moving too fast for her to dodge it...

...and yet she did, throwing herself backwards into the air just above where the blade should have skewered her. It missed her by a hair, just catching her cheek and slicing a long cut there. The blade clattered to the arena floor and the blind pearl landed just behind it. A green bloodlike substance trickled from her face to soak her robes.

“You!” the Jade screamed as she suddenly reappeared, pointing at the intoxicated gem. “You've been warned, for Core's sake! Who let you in here?”

“I'm sorry, Jade,” the pale blue gem moaned. “She promised me she'd be on her best behavior!”

“This performance is canceled,” Jade hissed. “Everyone out before the Amethyst squad gets here!”

The gems moaned and bitched, but they left. The two young gems collected the blades and Jade ushered the pearl out of the arena, oblivious to Orthoclase, Steven and Ginger following them.

“That was quite a show,” Orthoclase drawled, catching Jade as she dabbed at the blind pearl's face muttering darkly to herself.

“Oh...this is all I need,” she groaned. “What in Core's name do you want?”

“Relax, I can help you,” Orthoclase told her. “I need to borrow your pearl for a while.”

“Borrow?” Jade snorted. “What for?”

“Top secret,” Orthoclase shrugged. “I need her voice. You'll get her back in one piece...actually, you'll get her back in better condition. I can fix that cut....and I'll even get rid of those marks under her eyes, and all for free.”

Jade looked from Orthoclase to the blind pearl, and touched the blind pearl's facial markings gingerly with her thumb.

“I suppose,” she groaned. “Show's canceled for a while anyway. I got your word on this?”

“On my honour as a remodeler.”

Jade snorted derisively, but she handed over the blind pearl in the end.

…..

They dropped Steven off at the workshop, but Orthoclase and Ginger went off somewhere together because apparently fixing the blind pearl was going to take some special equipment. He was a little taken aback to find Murder Pearl sitting on the couch, not really doing anything besides staring into space.

“Uh, hi,” he said awkwardly.

“Hello,” she replied, unblinking and utterly still.

“I'm....I'm actually glad you're here,” he continued. “I wanted to thank you for what you did for Ginger...and for me, I guess. I would've been in big trouble if they found me, right? But mostly for Ginger.”

“I did what I was supposed to,” Murder Pearl said in that same airy, vague way Ginger had of speaking.

“I guess, but I still owe you. So I was thinking...Ginger said you had a fracture in your gem somewhere?”

She stared at him, not nodding or shaking her head. Just staring.

“I've got healing powers. Like, I have healing spit, and I already used it to fix some pearls...I can fix you, if you want?”

It seemed like the air suddenly turned thick, heavy. Murder Pearl didn't say a word.

“So, do you want to be fixed?” he asked, wishing she would say something.

“Do you want to fix me?” she asked instead.

“Well, sure I do!” he answered. “You deserve it!”

“Then I will accept.”

Relieved, and thinking that once she was fixed he stood a better chance of having an actual conversation with her, Steven licked his hand and pressed it over her gem. He didn't know what to expect. Maybe a smile, maybe even some tears...

Nothing.

No, there was something. Her face didn't change but something about the way she held herself was different.

“Thank you,” she said to him. “I will be back soon.”

Before he could ask what that meant, she had taken the hook she'd used to attack that Amethyst back at the old workshop and scaled the wall with uncanny ease. She pulled the grate off of the upper vent and disappeared into it.

Oh no.

The next hour or however long it took was unbearably tense. He'd messed up badly, and he didn't even know why. When somebody did come back, it was Ginger and she noticed straight away that something was wrong.

“Where is Murder Pearl?” she asked, still airy and vague but with a note of tension undercutting it.

“I'm sorry,” Steven said through gritted teeth, trying hard not to cry. “I just wanted to thank her for saving us, so I healed her...then she said she'd be back and she went out the vent!”

He didn't think it was possible for a pearl to go paler than they already were. Ginger proved him wrong.

“That was a mistake,” she told him, not scolding but matter-of-fact, which only made him feel worse.

“What's going to happen?” he asked, dreading the answer.

“Normally, a pearl's spike keeps her under control,” Ginger explained, as she pulled out a tablet and started furiously typing. “Murder Pearl's is no longer effective, but her damaged gem kept her from attacking other gems outside of the arena. She has nothing to hold her back now.”

That sounded really bad, even when said in Ginger's soft smooth tone. It sounded disastrous.

“I've messaged Orthoclase to tell her to stay away from the workshop,” Ginger continued. “We should wait until Murder Pearl returns. When she does, stay behind me and don't move. Understand?”

Gulping, Steven nodded.

#steven universe fanfiction #breaking down universe #orthoclase and pearl #murder pearl #some unpleasant themes

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hotvideo · 8 years ago

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RUSH IT (1977)

COMEDY LEGEND HENNY “TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE” YOUNGMAN HAS A SON NAMED GARY. I’M GONNA GO OUT ON A LIMB AND SAY THAT GARY WAS ONE OF THOSE FREE-SPIRITED CELEBRITY KIDS OF THE 1960s/70s, YOU KNOW THE KIND. AN AGITATOR, EVER PLAYING HIS PAN FLUTE FOR THE PEOPLE, JUST HIM AND HIS TRUST FUND AGAINST THE WORLD. THE WORLD, IN GARY’S CASE, WAS NEW YORK CITY. BUT OFF-OFF BROADWAY WASN’T HIS BAG, SO GARY CROSSED OVER INTO FILMMAKING. OLD MAN YOUNGMAN GAVE HIM THE GREEN LIGHT, LINED UP THE FINANCIERS AND GARY SHOT RUSH IT WITH ALL HIS NEW YORK ACTOR FRIENDS, IN HOPES OF USING THE MATERIAL LIKE A 78-MINUTE TALENT REEL. THE CAST INCLUDES FUTURE HOLLYWOOD HEAVYWEIGHTS LIKE TOM BERENGER (THE BIG CHILL), JOHN HEARD (CUTTER’S WAY) AND JILL EIKENBERRY (TV’s “L.A. LAW”). AFTER VIACOM ACQUIRED RIGHTS TO THE FILM, RUSH IT PLAYED A LOT ON MOVIE CHANNELS LIKE SHOWTIME. THE SOLE VIDEO RELEASE OF RUSH IT CAME IN THE FORM OF A BIG OL’ CLAMSHELL VHS FROM UNICORN VIDEO, MARKETED AFTER TOM BERENGER’S CAREER TOOK OFF. I TRACKED DOWN A COPY OF THE TAPE AT EDDIE BRANDT’S SATURDAY MATINEE.

RUSH IT IS ABOUT A CAREFREE FEMALE BIKE MESSENGER (JUDY KAHAN) MAKING HER WAY IN THE CITY. SHE’S GOT THAT QUASI-ANNOYING ANNIE HALL THING GOING ON, IF A LITTLE MORE JEWISH AND, WELL, BASICALLY HARMLESS BECAUSE SHE’S IN HER TWENTIES AND ISN’T ANYONE’S MOTHER YET. SHE RIDES AROUND MANHATTAN IN A DUMB HAT, SMILING AT EVERYTHING WHILE BUZZY LINHART’S EBULLIENT SONGS BLAST OVER THE SOUNDTRACK. COULD BE WORSE. I MEAN, THE WORLD DIDN’T COMPLETELY SUCK BACK THEN. SURE, WE THOUGHT IT DID. OH, DID WE EVER! WE THOUGHT IT WAS OVER, MAN. THE SIXTIES WERE OVER. THE SIXTIES WERE GREAT! THE SEVENTIES WERE FAR WORSE. THESE WERE THE POST-WATERGATE YEARS. NEW YORK WAS ONE BROKE-ASS TOILET, AND YET IT WAS KIND OF MAGICAL, TOO.

DISCLAIMER: NO ONE WHO APPEARS IN RUSH IT WAS EVER A BIKE MESSENGER. REAL BIKE MESSENGERS DON’T KICK THEIR FEET UP WHILE TRAVERSING DANGEROUS METROPOLITAN TERRAIN, THEY RUN RED LIGHTS, FLIP STRANGERS THE BIRD AND DRINK FORTIES IN THE PARK. IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT, A GANG OF THESE CATS WILL APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE, UNBUCKLE THE SEATBELT STRAPS ON THEIR MESSENGER BAGS, MOVE FOR THEIR CHAIN WALLETS AND REENACT A SCENE FROM THE ‘96 X-GAMES. REMEMBER PUCK FROM MTV’s “THE REAL WORLD”? THAT’S A FUCKING BIKE MESSENGER! INCORRIGIBLE, UNREPENTANT B.Y.O.B. PUNKHOUSE SNOTROCKET RASCALS.

“How ‘bout a date tonight, bimbo?”

THIS LUNATIC PLAYS THE PERVED-OUT DISPATCHER AT THE MESSENGER SERVICE. APPARENTLY JOE SPINELL WAS NOT AVAILABLE FOR THE ROLE, SO GARY CAST SOME ELEVATOR MAN WITH A CHECKERED PAST INVOLVING MANY INCIDENTS OF PUBLIC MASTURBATION. HE’S THE MOST AUTHENTIC SLICE OF THE APPLE IN THIS TURKEY. WHY CAN’T THE MOVIE BE ABOUT HIS TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS? LET’S FOLLOW HIM AROUND WHILE HE’S HAGGLING OVER THE PRICE OF A PAPAYA AT HIS LOCAL BODEGA OR CHECKING OUT THE SNATCH ON 42nd STREET.

HERE’S TOM BERENGER DOING HIS BEST BOTICELLI POSE FOR SOME LITTLE CHINA GIRL. BERENGER’S CHARACTER IS A STALLION WHO PREYS ON CITY CHICKS WITH HIS LOOKS, ESCHEWING ALL STRINGS IN THE CLASSIC LOVE ‘EM AND LEAVE ‘EM STYLE. HIS PREFERENCE, ADMITTEDLY, IS FOR “MORE MATURE WOMEN... ESPECIALLY MARRIED ONES.” YEP, IN THE END, HE’S JUST A GIGOLO. OH, BUT WHAT HE REALLY WANTS TO BE IS A FAMOUS PAINTER!

BERENGER TRIES TO PICK UP JUDY, BUT SHE’S HIP TO HIS ACT AND SPEEDS OFF ON HER BIANCHI. THEN SHE BUMPS INTO AN OLD BOYFRIEND, SOME SUIT WITH A FOXY ITALIAN BROAD ON HIS ARM. JUDY CALLS HIM A HEEL AND KEEPS ON PUSHING. SHE DELIVERS SOME SHIT TO SOME ECCENTRIC IDIOTS, INCLUDING A DRUGGED-OUT TALENT AGENT (ANTHONY HOLLAND, ALL THAT JAZZ) AND GAGGLE OF SUFFRAGETTES WHO’VE BEEN CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN IN A GREENWICH VILLAGE APARTMENT SINCE 1917. JUDY TAKES A BREAK AND GOES HOME. HER PAD HAS SOME FABULOUS TOKENS OF SEVENTIES SINGLE GIRL CHIC, INCLUDING HANGING HOUSE PLANTS, CINDER BLOCK BOOK SHELVES AND FRAMED PICTURES OF JANE AUSTIN. SHE RECEIVES A VISIT FROM HER NEIGHBOR, BYRON (JOHN HEARD), WHO’S JAZZED ON SOME GIRL HE JUST MET. JUDY AND BYRON ARE PLATONIC FRIENDS BECAUSE JUDY, WE’RE LEARNING, IS KIND OF A DYKE; NOT SO MUCH IN THE SEXUAL SENSE, BUT IN THE CULTURAL ONE. SHE’S TOTALLY FINE BEING ONE OF THE GUYS UNTIL THE RIGHT ONE COMES ALONG.

THE SUMMER I EXCAVATED RUSH IT FROM THE TOMB-LIKE STACKS AT EDDIE BRANDT’S, I WAS OBSESSED WITH THE ACTOR JOHN HEARD’S EARLY CAREER. IT STARTED WHEN I SAW HIM IN CHILLY SCENES OF WINTER, THEN GREW WITH BETWEEN THE LINES AND CUTTER’S WAY, THEN CONTINUED ON THROUGH A SLEW OF EXEMPLARY ROLES IN NOT-SO-GREAT FLICKS LIKE FIRST LOVE, ON THE YARD, BEST REVENGE, HEART BEAT, AND CAT PEOPLE. DUDE HAD CHOPS, CHARM AND AN IRRESISTIBLY SELF-EFFACING WIT. BY THE TIME HE WAS CAST AS JACK KEROUAC IN HEART BEAT, STARRING OPPOSITE NICK NOLTE AND SISSY SPACEK, HEARD WAS WELL ON HIS WAY TO BECOMING A LEADING MAN. BUT I SUSPECT HE NEVER FELT COMFORTABLE WITH THE HOLLYWOOD MACHINE, HAVING COME OUT OF THE LESS BULLSHIT-Y WORLD OF NEW YORK THEATER. IN THE EARLY EIGHTIES, HEARD ATE AND DRANK HIMSELF OUT OF THE RUNNING. THANKS TO THIS SELF-SABOTAGE, TODAY HEARD IS BEST KNOWN TO THE IDIOTS WHO COMPRISE 99% OF THE MOVIE-GOING PUBLIC FOR PLAYING MACAULEY CULKIN’S DAD IN THE HOME ALONE FLICKS.

BYRON INVITES JUDY TO SOME GET-TOGETHER AT HIS GIRLFRIEND’S PAD. MERRILL (JILL EIKENBERRY) IS A SECRETARY, ER, ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT WHO’S REAL HUNG UP ON THAT POST-ROTHKO ABSTRACT SHIT AND ITS MARK ON THE THEN-EMERGING BOURGEOIS HOBBY KNOWN AS DECORATING. FROM THIS INTRODUCTION ONWARD, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT BYRON SEES IN MERRILL. HE SHOULD REALLY JUST GO FOR JUDY, WHO WEARS OVERALLS TO PARTIES AND IS CLEARLY A GAS.

JUDY MEETS A CHARMING 28-YEAR-OLD JEW NAMED MARK, WHO’S, OF ALL THINGS, A DENTIST. WOW! EDGY! SO THIS GUY STARTS PULLING A LOT OF NUMBERS WITH JUDY, AND SHE’S KINDA DIGGIN’ IT. THEY MINGLE AND GET COZY. THE COMBINATION OF GOD’S EYE AND CARLO ROSSI IN THE ABOVE FRAME IS FABULOUS.

MARK’S “BLEEPER” GOES OFF, AN EMERGENCY BACK AT THE OFFICE, AND HE LEAVES JUDY WITH A SEMI.

THEN MERRILL MENTIONS TO JUDY THAT MARK IS MARRIED. JUDY’S LOOKING GOOOOOOD IN THOSE OVERALLS, AIN’T SEE? I WONDER IF LENA DUNHAM EVER SAW THIS MOVIE.

THE NEXT MORNING, BYRON COMES OVER TO GET A RECAP OF JUDY’S EVENING. THE USZH, SHE’S STILL 25 AND SINGLE.

THIS IS WHAT A DOOR IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE. IF YOU’RE UNDER 30 AND THE DOORWAY OF YOUR BIG CITY APARTMENT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE THIS, YOU’RE WASTING YOUR PARENT’S MONEY. THIS BARE BONES ASSEMBLAGE IS ALL YOU NEED TO PARTY LIKE A TRUE BELIEVER: OLD TERMITE-INFESTED WOOD PAINTED A MILLION TIMES OVER, QUESTIONABLY SECURE, DIRTY AND DELIGHTFUL. MY OLD SPOT LOOKED LIKE THIS. THEN I MOVED. NOW, FOR A MERE $1,000 MORE A MONTH, I GOT ONE OF THEM NEW CHINESE JOBS MADE OUT OF RECYCLED AMERICAN REFUSE AND PARTICLE BOARD, PLASTIC WINDOW SLATS FROM HOME DEPOT (ALSO MADE IN CHINA!), THE WHOLE PATHETIC PACKAGE.

BYRON’S NEW GIRL STARTS GETTING UPPITY ABOUT BYRON’S ASSOCIATION WITH JUDY. JUST WHAT TYPE OF PERSON CHOOSES TO BECOME A BIKE MESSENGER, PRAY TELL? BYRON REVEALS JUDY HAS HER MASTER’S DEGREE, SHE’S JUST DOING THE BIKE GIG COS HER DEGREE IS TOTALLY WORTHLESS AND IT’S FUN RIDING A BIKE IN A CITY YOU CAN SMILE AT COS YOU REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT ALL MEN ARE RAPISTS, DESPITE CONVENTIONAL WISDOM AND SECOND WAVE FEMINISM STATING OTHERWISE.

BACK AT THE BIKE SHOP, THESE TWO JOES PRACTICE THEIR HIGH NOTES FOR SOME FUTURE “CATS” AUDITION.

JUDY SPOTS BUZZY LINHART BUSKING. ALRIGHT! BUZZY KNOWS WHERE IT’S AT.

BERENGER FINALLY GETS THE BEST OF JUDY. HE WRITES HIS NUMBER ON HER BACK AND TELLS HER TO CALL HIM. THAT NIGHT, SHE HAS TO READ IT IN A MIRROR AND INVERT THE DIGITS. TWICE SHE CALLS THE WRONG NUMBER, FIRST IT’S SOME PEPE PERSON AND THEN A PHILIPINO WITH CATFISH WHISKERS. SO JUDY AND BERENGER GO OUT AND BALL. PRETTY SOON, THEY’RE AN ITEM.

BERENGER SHOWS JUDY HIS WORK. HE’S INTERRUPTED BY THE TELEPHONE. IT’S TOM’S OF FINLAND CALLING, ASKING WHERE THE SAILOR’S CAP WENT.

BERENGER TELLS JUDY A BUNCH OF SHIT ABOUT WHAT A SHITTY, SELF-ABSORBED PERSON HE IS -- JUST A SLAVE TO THE MUSE, MAN. BUT HE’S A STALLION, SO JUDY DIGS HIS FEARLESS HONESTY AND ACCEPTS BERENGER IN SPITE OF HIS MANY SHORTCOMINGS.

BERENGER ALSO TELLS JUDY HE’S BROKE AND MIGHT BE MOVING TO PENNSYLVANIA TO LIVE ON A FARM WITH AN AMISH COUPLE HE MET AT NIAGARA FALLS. THAT IS, UNLESS JUDY WILL LET HIM MOVE HIS ART STUDIO INTO HER APARTMENT.

MORE SUPERFLUOUS BERENGER PORN.

JUDY BUMPS INTO BYRON OUTSIDE THEIR BUILDING. HE’S WEARING A SUIT, WHICH INDICATES HE HAS A REAL JOB, PROBABLY IN AN OFFICE WHERE THE EXECS WITH THE GRAYING SIDEBURNS DRINK ALL DAY AND GRAB-ASS WITH THE LITTLE CHIQUITAS IN THE TYPING POOL.

BACK AT HER PLACE, JUDY RAPS TO BYRON ABOUT HER NEW STUD AND HOW TO KEEP HIM. BYRON SUGGESTS A FAKE PREGNANCY.

THEN, APROPOS OF NOTHING, BYRON DOES A REALLY BAD BRANDO IMPRESSION. THIS IS IN NO WAY INDICATIVE OF JOHN HEARD’S TALENT AS AN ACTOR.

BERENGER COMES OVER AND STARTS MOVING JUDY’S STUFF AROUND. JUDY DIGS BERENGER’S TAKE-CHARGE ATTITUDE.

BYRON AND MERRILL HELP MOVE THE REST OF BERENGER’S SHIT OVER. JUDY, MEANWHILE, IS GROWING WARY OF BERENGER’S OPPORTUNISM.

THE NEXT EVENING, BYRON AND MERRILL INVITE JUDY AND BERENGER OVER FOR SUPPER. BERENGER WEARS SOME GONDOLIER’S SHIRT WITH A FUCKING POCKET ON THE ARM FOR HIS SMOKES. AFTER SOME WINE, MERRILL STARTS HITTING ON BERENGER. SHE ASKS HIM IF HE’LL DIG HER PAINTINGS AND LET HER KNOW WHAT HE THINKS. THEY REALLY SUCK. NO ONE SAYS THAT, BUT OF COURSE THEY DO. THEN MERRILL ASKS BERENGER IF HE GIVES PRIVATE LESSONS.

BACK AT WORK, JUDY DELIVERS SOME FILM TO A CASTING AGENCY. THE MANIAC WHO RUNS THE PLACE FLIRTS WITH JUDY. I DON’T KNOW WHY THIS SCENE IS IN THE MOVIE, EXCEPT TO FLESH OUT ITS ALREADY TOO-SHORT RUNNING TIME.

AT HEADQUARTERS, JUDY JOKES AROUND WITH THE HORNY DISPATCHER, WHO SAYS HE WON’T ASK HER OUT ANYMORE SINCE HE KNOWS JUDY’S BERENGER’S OLD LADY.

WE GET TO SEE BERENGER RUSH IT A BIT, TOO. HE DELIVERS A PACKAGE TO SOME OFFICE, WHERE AN OLDER, STILL-FOXY SECRETARY REPEATEDLY ASKS HIM WHAT SHE CAN DO FOR HIM. ALL HE NEEDS IS HER SIGNATURE, BUT HE ASKS HER OUT FOR AN EGG McMUFFIN. GUESS WHO’S BUYING?

THEN BERENGER CRASHES SOME ART OPENING, APPROACHING THE OWNER OF THE GALLERY WITH HIS SLIDES IN TOW LIKE A TOTAL ASSHOLE. THE OWNER TELLS BERENGER HE’LL HAVE TO SPEAK TO HIS WIFE (CHRISTINA PICKLES, THE WEDDING SINGER), WHO, IN FACT, RUNS THE GALLERY.

WHEN THE GALLERY GASH FEASTS HER EYES ON BERENGER, SHE QUICKLY STARTS ASKING ABOUT HIS WORK AND ITS DIMENSIONS.

WHEN SHE’S SATISFIED, THEY MAKE A DATE FOR A STUDIO VISIT.

BERENGER RETURNS TO JUDY’S PAD ELATED WITH THE GOOD NEWS. JUDY’S HAPPY FOR HIM, BUT ALSO KIND OF BUMMED THAT HE DIDN’T TAKE HER TO THE OPENING.

JUDY AND BYRON HAVE A CHAT ON THE WAY TO THE LAUNDROMAT. BYRON REVEALS THAT HE’S PLANNING TO BREAK UP WITH MERRILL.

WHILE JUDY’S OUT DOING HER OLD MAN’S WHITES, SAID OLD MAN SLAVES AWAY IN THE STUDIO THAT USED TO BE JUDY’S APARTMENT. DIG BOWIE’S PINUPS IN THE THE BACKGROUND!

BERENGER RECEIVES AN UNEXPECTED VISIT FROM MERRILL, WHO’S BEEN SUNBATHING ON THE ROOF. SHE ASKS BERENGER IF SHE CAN WATCH HIM PAINT. HE TELLS HER TO COME BACK WHEN IT’S A BETTER TIME TO PARTY, HE’S ON A DEADLINE.

JUDY AND BERENGER GRAB SOME MALTS AND PARK IT ON THE CURB. THE LIGHT’S REAL NICE AND THE WIND’S BLOWING SOFTLY, MAKING THE SCENE PLAY MORE NATURAL THAN THE OTHERS. IF I WAS ONE OF THESE TWO PEOPLE, I’D CHOOSE THIS SCENE FOR MY ACTING REEL.

WHEN JUDY TELLS BERENGER THAT BYRON’S CUTTING MERRILL LOOSE, HE ISN’T SUPRISED. HE TELLS JUDY HE’LL NEVER LET SOME CHICK COME BETWEEN HIM AND HIS PAINTING.

“Don’t EVER buy me a strawberry shake again. I said VANILLA.”

BERENGER PICKS A CONVENIENT TIME FOR THE GALLERY GASH TO STOP BY -- i.e. WHEN JUDY AIN’T AROUND. SHE DIGS BERENGER’S WORK AND BEGS FOR A CLOSER LOOK.

JUDY AND HER GIRLFRIEND FROM THE MESSENGER OFFICE (HARRIETT HALL) GET TOGETHER IN THE PARK TO RAP ABOUT BOYS AND WHAT HEELS THEY ARE.

WHEN JUDY GETS HOME, SHE FINDS BYRON MOROSE AND CARRYING A BOX OF MERRILL’S SHIT TO DELIVER BACK TO HER. BYRON ASKS JUDY IF SHE’LL COME WITH HIM.

WHEN THEY GET TO MERRILL’S, BYRON TELLS JUDY HER COMING WITH HIM WAS JUST A PLOY TO GET HER TO ACTUALLY DELIVER THE SHIT HERSELF SO BYRON WON’T HAVE TO SUFFER THE AGONY OF SEEING MERRILL’S STUPID FACE ONE MORE TIME. JUDY, EVER THE GOOD SPORT, OBLIGES HIM.

“Oh... it’s you. Where’s Byron? OH. Okay. Well, can you tell him he still owes me $4.37 for his portion of the Con Ed bill from July? Thanks!”

AS JUDY AND BYRON RETURN TO THEIR BUILDING, THE GALLERY GASH IS JUST LEAVING.

B-B-BUSTED! WHEN JUDY ENTERS THE PAD, BERENGER’S IN THE PROCESS OF CHANGING HIS SHIRT TO ONE NOT SOAKED IN SWEAT AND SCENTED VAGINAL OILS. HE TELLS JUDY HE GOT THE SHOW. SUDDENLY, WITH THE HELP OF A SHORT FLASHBACK, JUDY KNOWS THE SCORE.

AFTER A LONG, CATHARTIC RIDE AROUND THE CITY, JUDY VISITS THE GALLERY WHERE BERENGER’S GONNA HAVE HIS SHOW. THE PAINTINGS IN THE BACKGROUND REMINDS ME A LOT OF THE KIND OF WORK ALAN BATES’ CHARACTER MADE IN AN UNMARRIED WOMAN, OR THAT ARTIST JEREMY BLAKE WHO ESSENTIALLY MADE THE SAME KIND OF SHIT IN THE EARLY 2000s, ALBEIT DIGITALLY, BEFORE HIS TRAGIC DOUBLE-SUICIDE WITH HIS CRAZY WIFE AFTER THEY DID TOO MUCH COCAINE AND CONVINCED THEMSELVES THEY WERE BEING HUNTED BY THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY. IF THIS REVIEW HAS TAUGHT YOU ANYTHING, IT’S THAT I KNOW FAR TOO MUCH BULLSHIT ABOUT CONTEMPORARY ART AND NOT ENOUGH ABOUT MAKING LOVE. ANYWAY, JUDY WINS.

SHE GOES FOR ONE LAST DELIVERY. ONCE AGAIN, BUZZY LINHART’S MUSIC COMES ALONG FOR THE RIDE.

FINALLY, BYRON TELLS JUDY HE’S FOUND THE PERFECT GUY FOR HER: IT’S BYRON!!! WELL, ALRIGHT! JUDY LAUGHS. HARD. THE END.

#vhs #annie hall #unicorn video #70s new york #bike messengers

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fireopal-tash · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 4

(in the afternoon)

Spinel and Steven were in the latter's room, after coming back inside the house and spending a few hours partying with the rest of the Crystal Gems and Greg. During that time, everyone had relaxed to the point of having a good time. Steven was proud that everything had turned out so well (especially because he had met a gem without her trying to kill him. Unless it happen to be like with Bismuth. The boy really hoped it didn't end the same way as that time).

Meanwhile, Spinel has been thinking during her time on Earth. Thinking about everything that happened to her and the people she met along the way.

The novelty, the unknown, still terrified her. But she was happy. So far, everything has worked out.

But for how long will the calm last? Something was going to go wrong, for sure. She never felt very lucky, even during her time with Pink.

Those memories were bittersweet. What happened stained them with pain and anger for that diamond. And her games. She didn't want to think about it anymore. She didn't want to remember.

"Spinel?" Steven called noticing how downcast the pink gem was "Is everything alright?"

The gem looked at him, not quite knowing what to do. Tentatively, she moved around the room, aware of the young Universe's gaze on her, until she reached the side of the bed. Not that she knew what it was. After running her hand through that strange cloth, Spinel sat on it, returning Steven's gaze again.

"What now?" she asked, going straight to the point. Confused, Steven moved towards her, intending to sit next to the pink gem. However, seeing how her body tensed, he decided to stop where he was.

"What do you mean, Spinel?" he questioned softly. She tore her gaze away from him, feeling it was too intense for her liking. Too focused on her.

"Surely you don't want me to stay here forever. This is your home. And I ... I'm just a guest-" she was interrupted.

"What are you talking about? Spinel, while I agree it's not a good idea for you to stay here forever, it certainly wouldn't be bad to stay for a while. And if you prefer, we can always ask Bismuth to build a house nearby, so we can visit each other. This can also be your home, after all. We accept everyone!" He exclaimed, enthusiastic, but not very optimistic.

Spinel didn't want to be a burden, for she knew how clingy she was, and how intense and annoying she could be. She'll make everything worse. Surely those were the reasons why Pink left her. My best friend... She abandoned me because I was a nuisance to her. She hated me. And I didn't see it. I was so easy to replace. No. I don't want to be like that anymore. She shook her head, standing up suddenly.

"No"

"No?" questioned the hybrid, puzzled.

"I don't want to be a burden, and I don't want to be in a place that reminds me so much of her" it wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie either.

"But..." he tried. Then he changed his mind. It was better for Spinel to choose for herself "Okay"

"Is it?" She said surprised. She expected the boy to be more insistent. The pink gem wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed.

"Of course! If that's your decision, who am I to change your mind?" he replied with a smile. Gently, he reached out and took her hand, laying his other hand on top of hers "and if for some reason you decide you prefer to be here, I will support you. We all will" Spinel felt her face and her gem warm.

Steven Universe, in her opinion, was too nice. She nodded, unable to reply verbally, her throat tight.

The next few minutes passed in silence, both enjoying the quiet, when the brunette came up with an idea.

"Today is your first day on Earth, and there's still some hours left before nightfall" the brunette began after releasing her hand, and heading to the TV "Would you like to see a movie?" He turned to look at her, his hand on the device, this time. Spinel was unable to say no to that face. Not that she would have refused even if he hadn't looked at her like that.

(In another part of the house)

Sunlight illuminated the room, where the crystal gems were staying. Greg Universe was nowhere to be seen. Pearl paced back and forth, while the fusion and the quartz nervously watched her.

"Pearl, you need to calm down. Steven doesn't hate you, and neither does Spinel" Amethyst said tiredly.

"No, we don't know that" she said without pausing in her walk "I made another mistake. I should have... had remembered Spinel! I don't understand how I could forget about her" the pale gem continued. More and more agitated "I destroyed Steven's trust after he found out about Pink Diamond, and now... I did it again. And don't get me started on Spinel...! She probably doesn't want anything to do with me"

Amethyst sighed, feeling useless. She didn't know what to do, or what to say, to make Pearl feel better. Garnet, on the other hand, was silent. Not because of what was happening in the present, but in the future. Or rather, various futures. She couldn't see what was going to happen. Not about Spinel. And not about Steven. And that made her uneasy. There was missing information, a detail that escaped her.

"Garnet? What do you see?" It was Pearl who spoke, noticing the silence from the fusion. That peeked Amethyst's interest.

"I'm not sure..." she replied "There is something about the future that I can't see. Steven did not ask the Diamonds about his problem. We need the information" Admitting that they were again unable to help was heartbreaking for everyone. Even if she didn't show it outwardly, she was really very concerned about their adoptive son.

"You know what? I'm going to contact the Diamonds myself. I don't know why Steven didn't tell them anything, but I'm not going to stand idly by" Amethyst made a decision. Pearl ran to her, grabbing her shoulder.

"Wait. Amethyst, we don't know if they are going to tell us the truth and..." the ex-maid commented with difficulty. Maybe the Diamonds didn't know anything either. And that was even more terrifying.

"And what? We can't just do nothing. " she said, increasingly frustrated "Steven does not even have to find out about this. We can tell him that we got the information from Bismuth or something.

"That won't work" said Garnet.

"And I don't want to lie to him again. He might find out, and this time we would have no excuse. He would never forgive us!" Perla pointed out.

"Pearl is right. But we cannot continue like this either. Tomorrow one of us will keep Steven and Spinel busy (which means, distract them), and the other two will go to Homeworld" ordered the fusion. It was not the time to question her. Both nodded in silent agreement.

(going back to Steven and Spinel)

Both were in front of the television, surrounded by several blankets and cushions on the floor, lights off. Basically it was a sleepover.

"Steven?" Spinel called, noticing a strange sound coming from her side. Receiving no answer, she tore her eyes away from the screen to look at the young diamond. Steven was sleeping peacefully, his head resting on her shoulder pads.

Oh, Spinel thought. I wonder if this is also something only humans do.

Not wanting to disturb him, she didn't move from her position. Her attention returned to the movie. The boy said it was one of his favorites, but Spinel didn't understand why something called the DogCopter was so interesting. Still, she liked it. It just seemed weird to her. Nor did she understand how this device worked. The characters, were they trapped behind that screen? Or maybe they are not alive... It was all so confusing.

There was a knocked on the door. The pink gem didn't noticed. The door opened silently.

"Steven?" said a voice in a whisper.

"Steven is not present" she also answered in a whisper, thinking it was what she was supposed to do.

"Oh. Hey, Spinel" Pearl carefully opened the door completely "What are you doing on the floor?"

The other gem moved ger head slightly to look at the other, while trying not to disturb the hybrid. She didn't want to turn her back on the tall gem. Spinel didn't trust her, yet.

"Steven said this was a... sleep... Sleepover?" she pronounce that word with some difficulty "He also said it would be more comfortable for the both of us"

"Well, that explains this mess" she mumbled. Then she looked at both sides of the room before turning her attention back to the figures in front of her, noticing the sleeping boy. She smiled motherly.

"Do you think you could help me, Spinel?" Pearl asked, approaching them and turning off the TV.

"Help with what?"

"Taking Steven to bed. It is where he should be, now that he is asleep" the pale gem explained, while fixing the bed.

"Asleep," repeated the heart-shaped gem, carefully rising from the ground. She didn't want to wake up Steven.

"Come here" she gave a little tap on the bed, encouraging Spinel.

Spinel, with Pearl's permission, moved toward the object, and deposited as gently as she could the boy on that soft surface. She knew from experience, sitting down there earlier, that the other was right. The bed would be more suitable for Steven.

Taking a step back, she watched the former Pink Diamond's pearl tuck the boy. The same one that gave her another chance. The boy who invited her to stay in his home, even if it was something temporary. How can someone be so sweet?

"Thanks for helping me, Spinel." Pearl's voice brought her out of her thoughts. She nodded shyly, not daring to say anything "Why don't you join me downstairs?" Those words made her tense immediately.

What do they want? Why down? So Steven doesn't find out if they do something to her? A hand on her shoulder, the same one Steven leaned on earlier, she couldn't help noticing, brought the pink gem out of her thoughts again.

"I know that you may not trust us right now. But I promise you, we won't do anything to you" Said Pearl like she read her thoughts.

"Then why...?"

"Because Steven needs to rest, and if we stay here we risk waking him up," the pale gem explained, with great patience.

"We have to leave him alone so he can do this... sleep thingy?" Spinel asked, somewhat confused.

"Trust me, Steven will thank you later"

"Oh..." Spinel looked at the hybrid's face again, feeling somewhat guilty for not leaving him alone earlier, if he needed it so much to sleep well "Ok"

"Thank you" the other gem smiled kindly.

They both left the room and descended quietly, except for the strange squeaks of the pink gem's boots. And as everyone waited for Steven to wake up, Spinel laid her hand on her gem, noticing a strange but familiar warmth coming from it. She is safe.

(Important: no one trust the Diamonds, but that doesn't mean they are not trying to be better - the Diamonds I mean xD And I swear everyone will have their time to shine and be better)

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starscheme · 5 years ago

Text

Lost Stars

Chapter Two: Misunderstandings

The next morning, Lars was anxiously pacing behind the counter of his shop. It had been nearly an hour since Sodalite was supposed to show up. He could only imagine what was keeping her. Had she panicked and hidden herself somewhere again? Maybe she got startled and ran off. What if she had gotten lost and didn't know how to get back?

"She is still not here?" Rhodonite asked in concern, peeking out from the kitchen.

Lars sighed and placed his hands on the counter to stop his nervous movements, but it didn't help anything. Honestly, he was worried and that frustrated him. Why did she have to be so much trouble? "Agh," groaned Lars in aggravation while irately unfastening his apron and heading for the front door. Just as he was about to leave, the door swung open and he barely avoided colliding with Steven who had come to pick up an order for Amethyst.

"Whoa," gasped Steven as he offered a hand to Lars who had nearly stumbled backward. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. Did you just come from little homeworld?" Asked Lars once he realized that Steven might have gone to check on Sodalite this morning.

Steven nodded, "I was just dropping off Spinel. I told her that she can't keep blowing off her class to spend time with me."

"Did you happen to see Sodalite?"

Steven was about to answer, but was interrupted when Sodalite came rushing in, her braids had nearly come loose, with twigs and leaves stuck in her hair. "I'm here!"

Lars and Steven stared silently at the disheveled Gem in surprise. It looked like she had just been in a fight. She even had scratches and dirt on her face.

"What happened?!" Lars asked in panic as he brushed past Steven to get a better look at her.

Sodalite blushed lightly once she remembered how unpleasant she must have looked. "O-oh! ...I...had a trouble this morning. I'm sorry I'm late, but I-"

Lars sighed heavily, placing his hands on her shoulders as he resisted the urge to hug her in front of Steven. "It's fine," he said finally. "Rhodonite will you help you get cleaned up in the back room, okay?"

Sodalite nodded her head, "Okay! I-I want to try and make some cookies today. Can I?"

"Just get cleaned up first," he replied with a smile.

Doing as she was told, the blue Gem saluted Steven before dashing off towards the back. Sodalite didn't like being around Gems, but one at a time wasn't too terrible and if she wasn't overly frightened, she could just close her eyes to keep from seeing the dark fog.

"She seems in a great mood for someone that looks like they just wrestled with a bear." Joked Steven as Lars went to put his apron back on.

"She probably fell or got her hair caught on a bush while running away from something, or both," Lars sighed. "At least she didn't hide away this time."

"So I guess she's doing better? I was getting a little worried. You know, Garnet was thinking about a new schedule for Sodalite to help her get used to other humans."

"Other humans? I thought you guys wanted her to get along with Gems?" Asked Lars.

"Yeah, but because of the trauma she suffered before...we think it would be easier to expand her circle of friends by involving her with other humans instead. I mean...as it is, the only one she wants to be around is you." Steven replied, stepping up to the counter so they didn't have to speak too loudly.

Right away Lars didn't like the way this conversation was headed. "Well yeah, but I don't mind it. I already told you that I'd look after her."

"But aren't you going back into space soon? She's gonna—-mmph!?"

Lars had quickly reached over the counter and placed his hands over Stevens mouth. "Whoa! You can't just go around saying that! What if Sodalite hears you?!" Lars whispered harshly before he pulled his hands back with an irritated sigh. Why was everyone so fixated on this topic?

"Y-you haven't told her?" Steven asked in surprise. "Why not?!"

"Because she doesn't need to know right now," insisted Lars in a huff. "It won't lead to anything good. Sodalite will just end up crying, or worse, refuse to leave her home at all."

"Okay, well what do you think she's gonna do when you're gone? The outcome won't change no matter when you decide to tell her."

"Look, it's not like I'm leaving tomorrow or anything. I told the off colors that I wanted to wait until Sodalite was doing better. So, you don't need to worry about Sodalite or any of this right now."

Steven groaned anxiously. He knew how emotional Sodalite was and he didn't see how this was a good idea. Also, Lars couldn't have known how long it would take to help Sodalite. Was he planning to put his trip on hold with such an uncertain timeline? "...well, I won't say anything to her, but you should really think about it. I know that if I waited too long to tell Spinel that I was gonna leave, she would—"

"—-Sodalite and I are totally different from you and Spinel," interrupted Lars with an awkward catch in his throat.

"Are you though?" Asked Steven cautiously. "I mean...you spend all your time together, you're always doing things for her, you take care of her, and you both—-"

Lars could feel his cheeks burning terribly while Steven listed things off. "Th-that's enough," he said quickly. "Of-of course we spend a lot of time together. I mean, it's because she's really attached to me. It's not like we're a couple or noth'n. Besides, Sodalite doesn't even know about that kind of stuff."

"Are you sure?" Steven asked with a small smirk. "She certainly asks me about it quite a bit."

"She's just curious..." muttered Lars, obviously annoyed. "Sodalite...is trying to understand a lot of things right now."

Steven sighed heavily. Lars was certainly being stubborn about all this. It's not as if it wasn't obvious. This was the situation with Sadie all over again. "Fine. Well I guess she'll just figure all that out once you leave. So you'll be space, Sodalite will find a partner, everybody wins."

"Space?" Repeated Sodalite as she stepped out from the back room.

"Ah! You're so quiet when you walk!" Lars exclaimed with a start while Steven froze up nervously, worried he had said too much.

"U-um..." started Steven awkwardly, "...I was just..."

Sodalite stared silently from Steven to Lars. She could feel how nervous Steven was. Why? "I didn't mean to interrupt, My Steven," said Sodalite with a smile.

"You didn't interrupt anything," Lars insisted. "Steven was just making bad jokes. Could you go and get the order for Amethyst? He's picking it up."

Sodalite nodded her head, eager to be of use. "Y-yes," she replied before leaning up on her top toes and kissing Lars' cheek. "I'll be right back, My Steven."

Lars stood still as Sodalite rushed off, making it a point not to look at Steven and hoping he wasn't blushing too obviously. Though this was nothing new to Lars, he didn't like the timing of it in front of Steven after what they just talked about. "She-she just does that sometimes."

Steven grinned, "mmhm..."

"She's just-it's like—-" Lars stammered, trying to come up with some sort of excuse. It was harder than he thought. It's just that Sodalite had become so affectionate lately and he didn't exactly discourage it.

"Here you are, My Steven!" Sodalite announced as she rushed back into the front room with a box of treats, placing it on the counter for him.

Steven was still smugly beaming over what he had witnessed and Lars' inability to explain it away. "Thank you, Sodalite," replied Steven, taking the box and putting the money in its place. "Well Lars, I sure look forward to our next conversation about all this," added Steven as he turned for the door, feeling very much that he won this little debate.

Lars was too annoyed to say anything in return, but once Steven had finally left, he turned to Sodalite and grabbed her hand. "C-come here for a sec," he mumbled, pulling a confused Sodalite to the back room.

"D-did I do something wrong? Was that the wrong order?" Sodalite asked, worrying instantly that she'd made a mistake already.

"No, that was fine. Um...it's just..." Lars' voice trailed off as she shut the door behind him, making sure they weren't overheard. "So...um...I've been meaning to mention this...but you know hoe you...show affection? I was thinking...maybe you shouldn't do that in front of people..."

Sodalite was still confused, but after a moment, she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "I-I'm sorry!" She exclaimed quickly, "I-I didn't think-I-"

Lars waved his hands a bit to get her attention, trying to stop the panic before it took over. "It-it's fine! I mean-I just...don't want anyone to get the wrong idea and confuse you with the things they might say..."

"...the wrong idea?"

"Well, I mean, I should have said something before, but some people might see it as a thing that...couples do."

"—-Like My Steven and his Spinel?"

"Y-yeah..." answered Lars. "I know you said Spinel told you it was fine...and you know...kissing on the cheek and stuff is pretty harmless otherwise, but others like Steven...might think we're—-you know—-um—" the more he went on, the less it made sense coming out of his mouth. When Sodalite started doing this, it seemed harmless enough, but not after what Steven suggested.

Sodalite deflated a little, "I'm sorry. ...I didn't realize it would trouble you so much..."

After seeing the dejected expression on Sodalite's face, Lars began to panic. Why did he always say the wrong thing when he got nervous? "N-no! It's not-it's no trouble!"

Though Sodalite knew that Lars didn't mean any harm, she felt awful. Why did her chest feel so tight? She didn't like feeling that she'd upset Lars somehow. "...I understand. If this is something that makes you uncomfortable, I won't do it again."

Now Lars just felt bad. Normally, he wouldn't care at all. It's just, now that he knew Steven suspected something, it was harder for him to deny it. He knew his feelings for Sodalite were growing, but he also knew he had to keep that in check. Sodalite trusted him so completely, if he really admitted how he was feeling to himself, he would have to also admit what a jerk he was for betraying that trust. With a heavy sigh, Lars ran his hand through his hair and slumped his back against the door. "It's...not your fault. I promised to help you learn things...and I haven't been doing a good job."

"Ye-yes you have," Sodalite insisted now. "I-I really like learning things from you! I'll do better! I won't do the couple things anymore, I promise!"

Lars felt something tug at his heart. This was bad. "Don't worry," he said quietly before taking a step forward and placing his hand at the top of her head to stroke her hair. "...I'm sorry I even brought this up. I was just overthinking things again..."

For the first time, Sodalite wished that Lars had a Gem. At least then she would be able to tell how he was feeling right now. Especially at times like these when Lars seemed melancholy. It was becoming more frequent. He always insisted he was fine, but she knew there was more to it. "...I just want to stay with Lars..." Sodalite mumbled sadly, reaching over with her hand to gently grip his apron.

"I know..." replied Lars quietly. He had lied to Steven earlier. He wasn't keeping his Space trip a secret for Sodalite's sake. At least, not entirely. As selfish as it was, Lars didn't want her to distance herself from him if she found out. These feelings he had, surely they would fade in time and he knew very well that Sodalite didn't see him that way. She saw him as more like a guardian or some kind of brother. She was also terrified of being separated from him. If she knew how he was feeling, she'd probably go along with it just to make him happy, regardless of her own feelings.

"...Lars...?" Began Sodalite in concern. He'd been quiet for a little while now. Without waiting for a reply, she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his waist.

Though he hesitated for a moment, Lars wrapped his arms around her in return and smiled. Again, feeling guilty harboring feelings for such a pure Gem. She needed a friend. Someone to look out for her. Not someone who's feelings would only trouble and confuse her. "You don't have to worry," he said finally. "I'm sorry I even brought all this up. You're doing just fine as you are."

Sodalite nodded a bit, but she didn't let go right away. If Lars wasn't going to tell her what was wrong, she'd have to find out herself. He was always doing things to make her feel better. Since she couldn't use her power to do the same for him, she'd have to do it the human way.

#steven universe #su #steven universe fanfic #lars #lars barriga #sodalite #sodalars #sodalars fanfic

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starscheme · 6 years ago

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Change My World

Chapter Thirteen: Two Paths

Steven finished washing up, but took his time in leaving the bathroom. The atmosphere felt so heavy now. Why had he said those things? It was like the feelings he tried to bottle kept spilling over. If it went on like this, he was surely going to say something soon that he couldn't take back.

With a heavy sigh, he left the washroom and was alarmed to see that Spinel was standing up on her own. Her arms were held out so that she could balance, but it appeared to be going well.

Spinel smiled when she spotted Steven, "look! I'm getting better at this," she exclaimed happily.

Steven smiled back, "do you want to try taking a few steps?"

Spinel seemed a bit apprehensive about that, but she nodded and put one foot in front of the other. It was harder than she thought it would be. Why was it so difficult to simply tell a limb what to do? She did appreciate however, that Steven wasn't rushing to hold her up. Though it took a moment, Spinel was able to take a few steps without any help before she tripped over her own foot and nearly fell forward.

Luckily, Steven caught her before she hit the ground. "That was great," he praised while helping Spinel back to her feet. "Do you feel any pain?"

"The pain gets a little better each day and I think my legs are finally becoming a bit sturdier." Spinel replied with a smile as she pulled away from Steven and stood on her own once again.

"I'm glad. Do you want to try and leave the room? I can see about getting a wheelchair or maybe-"

"-I'll just hang on like this," she insisted, taking his arm to keep her balance. "I'm sure I won't fall if I hang onto you."

Steven's heart jumped in his chest, but he did his best to remain calm. "O-okay. I'll make sure to walk slowly then, but if you're going to go out, you'll need to change your clothes."

Spinel had nearly forgotten about that. Mermaids didn't wear clothes, so of course it slipped her mind. "Oh right. I guess we should get some. Wait, where do you get this nightgown?"

"I bought it. I actually bought a dress for you too, and we still have the one that Connie gave us before we left."

Spinel sat back down on the bed as Steven showed her the dress he had bought for her. It appeared to be a simple summer dress. Black with a pink ruffled camisole attached that might cover her gem well enough. A baby pink ribbon was used to wrap under the bust and the sleeves reached the elbows before flaring out a bit, whereas the length of the dress went just past her knees. Spinel thought it looked pretty expensive, but she really didn't know how much anything cost around here. "It looks nice," she said finally, mostly flattered that Steven had picked it out for her.

"Perfect," replied Steven with a smile as he handed her the dress. "I'll just wait in the washroom while you change."

Spinel held up the dress, certain that it would be easy enough to figure out. She waited until Steven had closed the door to the restroom before changing her clothes. Luckily the dress was not complicated. Once she was changed, Spinel called out for Steven so that they could finally leave this room. He helped her put on some black flats that he bought for her as well and Spinel quickly tied up her hair back in pigtails.

"Are you ready, my lady?" Steven asked as he offered Spinel his arm.

She blushed lightly, but got to her feet and took his arm. "Just remember to walk slowly."

"Of course. That dress looks lovely on you by the way. I think black suits you." Steven commented as they walked together out the door.

Spinel's cheeks burned once more, but before she could say anything, her foot tapped against something on the floor. Looking down, it was a book. No doubt the one that Elaine was trying to give Steven this morning.

Steven was careful about leaning down without forcing Spinel to go with him and snatched up the book, reading the small note attached to it aloud.

"Sorry I missed you this morning. I found this book in my grandmother’s things and you had mentioned it before, so I hope you like it."

Spinel sighed, "So now she's just giving you her family's stuff?"

"I'm sure Elaine is just going to let me borrow it. Look," replied Steven as he held up the book to show Spinel the cover. "Mermaid Legends."

"...what does that mean?" Spinel asked.

"Let's get down to the Tavern before we get into that. I'm starving."

"Oh! Right! I forgot that you needed to eat, I'm sorry," stammered Spinel.

It was slow going, but eventually they made it downstairs to the tavern. Because of the heavy rain outside, it wasn't too packed. Not many people wanted to leave their homes it seemed. Steven was grateful for this. He had actually been worried that Spinel might feel anxious with too many humans around. There were only a couple guests from the Inn and one tall woman in the corner that he didn't recognize as being another patron.

Steven gently helped Spinel to a chair, making sure she was comfortable before he took his own seat across from her at the small circular wooden table. Spinel wasn't sure what to do here, but she was actually a little excited. Even if it was with Steven's help, she had used her own legs to get here. They would be able to see and do so much more now. However, Spinel's good mood was soured once she saw Elaine rushing over to their table with an eager smile, clearly aimed at Steven.

"Steven! You actually came down to eat? Oh, and you got the book. That's great, I uh, stopped by this morning, but you were probably still sleeping or something..." Elaine greeted happily, trying to hide the fact that she was a little worried about what he and Spinel were doing when she knocked at the door.

"He was pretty tired," Spinel added as she glanced up at Elaine, annoyed that she had completely ignored her.

"Oh, um, good morning, Spinel...it's good to see you up and about." Elaine replied awkwardly.

Steven glanced between the two girls, not really sure it was safe to say anything. Though he was certain that Elaine didn't feel anything for him, he knew that Spinel was a little possessive and could have a sharp tongue at times. Not that he minded, but he didn't want to start any trouble with the Inn Keepers daughter, lest they get kicked out.

"U-uh, yes, thank you for letting me borrow it. Once I heard about it, it seemed really interesting." Steven interrupted. "I'll make sure to return it once I've finished."

With her attention back on Steven, Elaine smiled, "oh, don't worry about it. It's an old book and no one has touched it in a long time. I'm just glad that I could find it for you. Now, would you like me to get you and your friend some breakfast? My mother's hot cakes are really good."

Spinel bristled at Elaine’s words. She couldn't help noticing that this girl always emphasized that she and Steven were friends. Spinel just couldn’t believe how brazen Elaine was to flirt with him while she sat right there.

"Hot cakes are a little sweet for me. I'll just have something simple," Steven answered, noting the irritated expression on Spinel’s face. He made his order quickly and was hoping that Elaine wouldn't linger around and make Spinel’s mood worse.

Once Elaine went back to the kitchen, Steven felt a huge sense of relief. That is, until he heard a loud crash that pulled his attention to Elaine, who appeared to have dropped a large tray of glasses, she was attempting to bring back to the kitchen with her. Almost on reflex, Steven stood from his seat and rushed over to help. He was never the type to sit back when someone needed a hand.

Spinel wanted to protest before Steven walked away, but how would it look if she demanded he stay instead of helping someone? It wasn't like she didn't want him to be nice; she just didn't want him to be nice to a girl that was clearly sniffing around him like a love struck puppy. Besides, part of her was certain that Elaine had dropped that tray on purpose.

Almost immediately after Steven left to help Elaine, the tall stranger from the corner had taken his seat. The woman was wearing a long hooded cloak that had been soaked from the rain outside and her eyes were covered by a simple cloth. Spinel wondered if the dark skinned woman was blind and sat down by mistake.

"Um-Excuse me, I think—"

"-I don't have the wrong table." Interjected the woman, her voice soft and her tone rather stoic, with an accent Spinel had never heard before. "I'm here to give you a message."

Spinel gripped the handles of her chair, readying herself to run if need be. She really couldn't afford to trust anyone but Steven right now.

"Don't be alarmed. My name is Garnet...and I'm a lot like you, Spinel." Garnet was silent as she pulled her hand out from beneath her cloak and removed a black glove, revealing a blue Gem embedded in her palm.

Spinel gasped, but quickly covered her mouth with her hand, so the few people around wouldn't take notice and get curious.

"...I see..." Spinel sighed finally. "...but I've never heard of a Garnet..."

"Let's just say...I'm something entirely new," Garnet replied with a smile as she slipped her glove back on. "But I don't have a lot of time. So please listen. You two must go to Roses Fountain." Garnet stated simply.

"...but that's in the capital," began Spinel. "That's basically home base for everyone that wants me on a slab," she finished in a hushed voice, glancing around to make sure no one was listening in.

"It's your only chance of getting what you want. In the Capital, all your questions will be answered."

Spinel flinched lightly. Garnet spoke as if she knew the future, but only a few mermaids could do that, and they were well known for it. She’d never heard of a Garnet type Mermaid that could do this. “How do you—“

"—-that's not important," demanded Garnet as she continued, reaching across the table to take Spinel’s hands. "He thinks it's his job to protect you, but fate brought you two together for a greater purpose. That boy is more powerful than anyone realizes. On this journey, there are two paths open to you both. At the end of one of them, Steven will lose his life...and his death will lead to devastation like you've never seen before."

Spinel's heart stopped for a moment. Steven was going to die? How? Why? Did Garnet know about Steven's pink light? That had to be what she meant. “Y-you're lying, you have to be lying!" Spinel insisted in a hushed panic.

Garnet shook her head sadly, "it's important that you stay with him. Soon, Steven will learn things about himself. Things that will change his life forever, and when that happens...he'll need you. You'll need each other. Keep him calm, keep him safe. His power is growing every day now that he's been touched by magic. Soon, he won't be able to contain it. You have to be there. You're the only one that can help him now."

"Touched by Magic? You mean the binding spell?"

Again, Garnet shook her head. "No. You. Mermaids are Magic. When he met you, his own power began to grow faster. Faster than anyone had planned.”

Spinel couldn't help feeling anxious now. So what happened to Steven was all her fault? The reason he killed those guards, which was so against his nature, was all because he had the bad luck to meet her? "So...he would have been fine...if we never met..." she whispered solemnly.

"No. You two met for this exact purpose. Listen, one path may lead to a terrible future, but the other...might lead to a change in this world for the better." Garnet released Spinel’s hand and stood from her seat as she noticed Steven was finished with helping Elaine. "I have to go. Oh, and one last thing, you shouldn't be so afraid of your feelings. Love can live through anything, you know. I’ll see you again." With that, Garnet walked away without another word, leaving Spinel alone and terribly perplexed.

"Who was that?" Steven asked in a bit of a panic when he returned to the table, just catching Garnet leaving the Tavern to disappear into the heavy rain. Why was some stranger speaking to Spinel? Did the

Steven's voice shook Spinel from her inner thoughts and she immediately panicked. "Uh-um, she was just…asking for directions. I…I told her that I didn’t live here…so she left to find someone else.”

"Are you okay? Did she say something to upset you?" Steven asked, noting the pale hue of Spinel’s face.

Spinel looked up at Steven and plastered on a smile. "I'm fine,” she lied again, but what else could she do? Spinel didn't know if that woman was telling the truth, but either way, it would do no good repeating her words to Steven. Why did he have to know if it could be a lie? Wasn't keeping this from Steven better for his wellbeing? It would just make him worry for no reason. Besides, Garnet's plea that Spinel protect him was unnecessary. She didn't plan on letting him shoulder all the danger himself. Even if Garnet's words turned out to be true, there was no way Spinel would let Steven die. This journey was not going to be his end. She would make sure of that.

Steven wasn’t convinced. He was starting to notice a pattern with Spinel. With all her insistence that he be more careful, he wished she would be a little more honest. He could tell that on several occasions she had lied to him, which made him wonder what the truth was and why she felt the need to lie about it. Either way, he didn’t plan to call her out on it. At least not for now.

#steven universe #su #stevinel #Mermaid spinel #stenel #stevinel fanfic #steven universe fanfic #fanfiction #su au #mermaid au #Spinel au #stevnel fanfic #stevnel #spineven #change my world #chapter 13

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starscheme · 6 years ago

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Change My World

Chapter Fourteen: Rose’s Fountain

Though Spinel insisted there was nothing wrong, Steven couldn't help but notice her eyes on him during breakfast. That or she'd stare off into the distance, clearly distracted by her own thoughts. That woman must have said something to upset her, but he couldn't figure out what it might have been. If she was somehow discovered to be a Mermaid, he was sure she wouldn't keep that to herself. Though he had no idea what else it might be. "Okay, I wasn't going to say anything, but you're obviously—-"

Just as Steven began to question Spinel, Elaine made her way to their table with her usual beaming smile towards Steven. Though instead of Spinel being annoyed, now it was Steven's turn. He was irritated that by dropping the glasses, he had gone to help her and left Spinel alone with that stranger. And now she was interrupting when he wanted to ask something important. He knew it wasn't her fault, he was just mad at himself.

"Did you enjoy your meal?" Elaine asked, once again ignoring Spinel and directing her attention solely on Steven.

"Yes, thank you," replied Steven, still trying to be polite despite his irritability.

"...I wanted to thank you for your help earlier," continued Elaine. "I can be clumsy at times, but I've never dropped so much before."

"I'll bet you haven't," chided Spinel, finally paying attention to the conversation.

Elaine blushed a bit, mostly embarrassed by the implication. "W-why I'm sure I don't know what you mean. But I am bound to get in trouble if I don't replace the tableware..." she added, glancing at Steven yet again. "I was hoping that you might accompany me to the market? I couldn't possibly carry all that back by myself and it would be a big help."

Steven had no plans to leave Spinel alone again, but before he could refuse her, Spinel startled him and Elaine both by slamming her hands against the table and getting to her feet.

"I've had enough," she hissed, leering at Elaine. "Stop sniffing around Steven. He's not interested."

Elaine felt her cheeks burn further. She wasn't prepared to be called out like this in front of Steven. "Y-you—you have the wrong idea, I—-I just needed someone stronger to help me carry my purchases. And besides, I don't see how that's any business of yours. You may be Steven's friend, but—-"

"He's mine!" Spinel insisted with another pound at the table. "And I'm not gonna let you, or some stupid destiny take him!"

"Destiny? What are you even saying?" Elaine asked, confused by the last bit, but becoming more adamant in standing her ground now. "I don't recall Steven referring to you as his lover or anything."

Steven wasn't sure what to do here. Normally, he would try to defuse the situation, but if he was the one they were arguing about, wouldn't that just make it worse? Still, he couldn't just sit here and watch as it escalated.

"O-okay, maybe we should go back to our room?" Steven suggested, placing his money on the table and leaving his seat to reach Spinel.

It was only when Steven placed a hand on her shoulder, did Spinel realize what she had done and said. Of course she was embarrassed, but it's not like she could take anything back anyway. She had so much on her mind thanks to that Garnet woman and the last thing she wanted to deal with was Elaine.

"Steven, I'm sorry if I caused some sort of trouble..." began Elaine timidly. "I didn't mean to upset your friend. Maybe we should talk somewhere else and straighten this out?"

"Ah, no, I think Spinel is just tired. She's only just recovered and it's been stressful for her. I'll just take her back to the room so she can relax." He was hoping to end this without causing more fuss between them. Steven didn't like anyone fighting, especially when one of them could toss them out after being offended. It would probably be best to move on soon and go to another town.

Spinel wanted to say more, but she could tell that Steven was trying to calm everything down. She didn't want to ruin it. Turning a bit, Spinel hugged Steven's arm and exhaled in a huff.

Elaine glowered at Spinel when she clung to Steven. She initially thought that Spinel was a sickly girl that would be too meek to put up a fuss, but now it seemed she would have to deal with this differently. "...well, I hope that you're able to get some rest. Sorry again for upsetting you."

Spinel only pouted, refusing to say anything more. If she opened her mouth again, Spinel was positive nothing good would come from it. Steven thanked Elaine once more for the food and led Spinel back to their room as quickly as he could. Once safely behind the door, Steven breathed a sigh of relief.

"...I know you don't like her much, but you shouldn't pick a fight. If you actually make her mad, she could have her dad kick us out."

Spinel released Steven's arm and stepped away, crossing her arms over her chest with a pout. "We just don't have time for some girl and her stupid crush," insisted Spinel.

"And I agree with you. I'd just like to keep this room until you can walk properly. I don't want you to overdo it and hurt yourself," replied Steven.

"I'm standing just fine now! We can leave any time. I say we leave in the morning. I can spend a night in the tub to make sure my body is in perfect shape."

Steven was at a loss. Spinel’s moods shifted so quickly and when she was upset like this, it was difficult to divert her attention. "Okay, okay, just try to be quiet. These walls aren't that thick you know," urged Steven.

"...fine." Relented Spinel eventually. Perhaps she had made a bigger deal out of it then need be, but the problem with Elaine distracted her from thinking about the much larger problem. She didn't want to think about Steven dying. Spinel wanted to think about something else, ANYTHING else.

"Here, why don't we go over that book I—oh great, I left it downstairs..." he groaned. "Stay right here, I'll go and grab it."

"Wait, why do you even need that book?"

"It had information on Roses Fountain. I think that's where we should go next, but I'll explain more when I get the book back. It was supposed to have some local legends about the fountain." Steven explained as he turned for the door.

Spinel felt her heart sink like a stone at the mention of the fountain. Garnet said that's where they had to go, but what if that's where Steven got hurt? What if that's where he...died? "W-wait! We can't go there!" Spinel shouted in a panic.

Steven stopped and turned to glance at Spinel's desperate expression. He had expected her to be upset about heading for the Capital, but her eyes suggested that she was scared of something more than just the humans there. "Is there something I should know about the fountain?"

Spinel flinched, realizing she spoke up without thinking. She quickly clasped her hands over her mouth and shook her head. "I just...I don't want to go to the Capital," she answered finally, unable to look Steven in the eye.

"Is that all," asked Steven with a raised brow. "Because if it has something to do with that stranger earlier, you can tell me."

Spinel shook her head quickly, "it doesn't! Why do I need a reason to be afraid of the Capital? That place has advanced technology and is full of soldiers that only hunt mermaids! Taking a mermaid there is as good as selling me off!" She tried to deflect Steven's suspicion with some actual concerns about going to the Capital, but before she could continue, Steven rushed to her and clamped his hand over her mouth.

"You really can't say those things!" Steven insisted in an urgent whisper. "Someone might hear you!"

Spinel nodded, waiting until Steven removed his hand to continue. "I just don't want to go there. There's no point."

"I know it might seem scary, but I have been looking into it and it seems like that's the best way to help you. It's considered a holy place in the Capital, but no humans can get near it. They say that it's because the royal family protects it, but there have been a lot of rumors and legends about Mermaids disappearing there."

"Because they probably followed the same Mermaid tale that you’re spouting and got themselves killed. I know about Roses Fountain too. It's just a story. Something to make Merbabies feel better."

"Well, why don't you tell me what you know? It might be different from the human version of the story." Steven suggested as he sat down at the little table.

Spinel hesitated. What if this only made him want to go more? She sat down opposite of him and sighed. "Roses Fountain is what they called this waterfall that fell from seemingly nowhere. It was considered a sacred place for Mermaids. A place of healing and sanctuary. It's said that, if a mermaid reaches the fountain, she can return home."

"Return home?" Steven repeated.

Spinel nodded her head, "yes. Some Mermaids insisted that we were never meant to be here. That this world always belonged to the humans. The legend goes that a mermaid saw the human world through magic and fell in love with a human man. She found a way to speak with him through the connected waters, but eventually despaired knowing they could never be together. She cried for days and her tears created the waterfall that connected the two worlds. She used the last of her power to give herself legs and live with the human on land. However, with the worlds connected, more and more mermaids came to this world and humans could visit the Mermaids world by climbing to the top of the waterfall. The humans, who were once delighted by the Mermaids display of power, began to want it for themselves. They started to hunt the mermaids and...it was thought that if you ate the heart of one...you'd live forever. Watching in despair over the danger she had brought to her own kind, the Mermaid went back to the fountain and made one last wish in tears. She wished for the connection to be sealed, but since she had little to no magic left, she offered her life.

When her body disappeared, the mermaids found that her wish had come true. Humans could no longer go near the fountain, and though Mermaids could no longer come here, they could still return home if they managed to reach the waterfall. It's said that in her mourning, the Mermaids spirit protects that place, keeping humans from entering and guiding the remaining Mermaids home.

There's no one alive that can confirm the story is true anymore. The only constant, is that the Mermaids name was Rose. Hence, Roses fountain."

"And you never wondered if it was true? I mean, look," Steven began with renewed energy as he pulled out a map from his bag and unfurled it over the table. "The Capital practically surrounds the fountain in a crescent shape. Do you think that's a coincidence? They built up all their defenses around it, no doubt to keep any mermaids from reaching it. It can't just a legend. Why else would they guard it so fiercely"

Spinel looked down at the map, amazed at how the human had grown and changed in the last few thousand years. They had nearly covered the entire continent. That only made her anxiety worse. The two of them were sorely outnumbered just being here in the outskirts, but the Capital was so vast. "...and you've never been to the Capital?"

"No. My dad said he performed there once, but that's all I know. I was raised in that small village and I'd never left there until now."

Spinel was a little lost on the concept of parents. Mermaids had no parents or anything in the way of family. They just had their tribes. "Your dad...is he a lot like you?" Spinel asked, finding herself a little curious. "Did you...leave him a note or anything before you left?"

Steven laughed a little, "Ah, there was no need for that. My dad...left home four years ago...and I haven't seen him since."

"Oh. I didn't mean to-um—what about your mom?" Spinel asked quickly in an attempt to redirect their talk to something happier.

"I never met her. My dad said that she died giving birth to me," answered Steven.

Spinel stiffened up. She'd just stepped on two land mines in a row. "W-well, you—-I'm sure she—-" fumbling for the right words, Spinel wasn't sure what to say now. Surely she'd upset him, how could she make it better?

Steven chuckled a bit and reached over to take her hand. "It's okay, Spinel. I'm okay. I had friends back home...and now I'm here with you."

"...Connie was your closest friend, wasn't she?" Spinel asked with a small smile.

"Yeah, my dad said I was really sick as a baby, so I had a lot of visits to the doctor, Connie’s mother. So we played together a lot."

Spinel wished now that they didn't have to leave that village in such a hurry. Connie seemed nice in retrospect, but she really didn't trust humans. Only Steven now. "It would be nice...if I could actually meet her properly one day."

Steven's eyes lit up, "really?! She'd be so excited just to know that you said that. Connie was always trying to find information about mermaids. Her mom pretty much forbid it though."

Spinel was glad to see the smile back on his face It was odd. She hated Elaine for being around him, but Steven spoke so happily about Connie and she didn't feel angry at all. However, she couldn't help being a little envious. They had spent so much time together and her time with Steven was becoming more limited by the day. It was nice to pretend that maybe this wouldn't end in a heart wrenching goodbye. "Then I...when I see her again, I'll just endure it and let her ask me all kinds of annoying questions..." replied Spinel, staring down at the map, trying to rid her mind of all this doubt and fear. She wanted to go home. She hated humans. So why was Steven so different? Why was it that the more time passed, even if only a little, she didn't want him to let go of her hand?

"Do you still want to leave in the morning?" Steven asked quietly, still afraid that someone might hear them.

Spinel didn't answer right away. Instead, she stared at the map where Steven had circled the fountains location. Garnet said they had to go there, Peridot had shouted something about the Capital before she left, and no matter how hard she wanted to deny it, Spinel felt compelled to go as well. "...yes. I want to leave as soon as possible."

"Well, we don't know what the rain will do to you, so we had better wait until it stops, but I'll go and see about getting some transportation. I think I heard Elaine mention a train station nearby. I should have asked for a more local map..." Steven thought aloud, wondering if they could get on the train without any identification. Standing from his seat, Steven turned for the door once more, "I'll run down and get directions to the train station, if it's close I can run and get some tickets too. Will you be okay up here on your own?"

Honestly, Spinel didn't like being alone, but since she couldn't go out in this rain, she didn't want to slow things down. "I...can you help me fill the tub before you leave? I'd feel better in the water..."

Steven didn't really like the idea of leaving Spinel alone either, but he did feel a bit better knowing she could move on her own now. He did as he was asked and filled the tub with water before he headed for the door once again. "Okay...so...are you sure you'll be alright? We can always get the tickets tomorrow."

Spinel leaned against the washroom door with a smile, "as long as you come back quickly, I'll be okay."

Steven was still apprehensive. "...keep the door locked and don't answer it to anyone. And if you get scared or think someone's trying to get in, lock yourself in the bathroom, and—-"

"—-Steven," interrupted Spinel, "I'm just going to sit in the tub until you come back. I'm sure it will be okay."

He was sure Spinel was right, but it didn't calm his nerves. He stepped towards her and quickly leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I'll be right back," he said softly before finally forcing himself to leave the room.

Spinel was left alone, her cheek still warm where Steven had kissed her. She felt that familiar tug at her heart. He really wasn’t being fair. Though, it did force Spinel to recall that Garnet had told her not to be afraid of her feelings. With this is in mind, Spinel walked slowly into the washroom to undress and relax in the water.

#steven universe #su #steven universe au #mermaid spinel #spinel #su au #SU fanfic #fanfiction #change my world #stevinel #stevinel fanfic #stenel #spineven #chapter 14

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