#fres’ bullshit

[fresthered]

hi tumblr. here's a guy based on rest awhile by they might be giants

[karmavongrim]

Field Trip to my Heart fanfic idea

One of my favorite stories to read are those of Casper High class on a field trip somewhere and causing havoc in their wake. In almost all of them there’s a common rule of “no raising the dead” which I find hilarious, and I got an idea for my own take on this trope.

DPxDC AU where the Casper High class are now in Casper University (these kids are Amity Parkers through and through so every other place is too tame for them so they ain’t leaving their turf), their ages ranging from 18 to 19. Danny and his grew (which composes their entire class now) are casually sight seeing when le gasp! What do we have here: a hulking revenant Red Hood. Just the perfect match for their sad single twink halfa who seems to be incapable of catching himself a decent partner! Operation ‘Get their twink a love life’ is a go!!

P.S. I was watching Lady and the Tramp movie while writing this.

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Red Hood has experienced many things in his life; he’s done many things, most of them which he’s not proud of. But out of all the bullshit his fucked up existence has thrown at him, this might just take the proverbial cake. He was doing his rounds without any issues on a very quiet night, which should have already raised some flags. Gotham was being too quiet, at least on his side of the city when it happened. He was ambushed from all sides and packed pretty easily without him getting even a glimpse of the perpetrators. Only thing he managed to do was press the emergency button!

Since his captors have shoved a back over his head he couldn’t see them, but he could hear them as could rest of the bats.

“The fuck is the deal!? Where are you taking me?” he demanded.

A female voice had answered him, and he could make out a clear mid-western accent mix in with a Spanish one.

“Oh don’t get your helmet in a twist lover boy~ You’ll find out soon enough.”

And so here he is now.

Sitting on a chair free of his restraints, seemingly having a candle lit dinner in an allay way decked out in fairy lights, softly scented candles, flower petals; really, the whole shebang. On the one other seat across the clothed table sits a well dressed twink. He can’t see what he looks like exactly since he’s hiding his face in his hands.

And if things couldn’t get any weirder, an older teen with glasses and curly hair walks to them with an accordion along with a burly asian carrying a guitar, both dressed to the nines. The accordionist starts to play and- no fucking way…

When it registers what the two boys- men? are playing and singing, his coms start to flood with laughter and hooting. It’s the fucking song from Lady and the Tramp movie.

Red Hood, or rather Jason is so confounded that he doesn’t do much other than nod in thanks when a blond chick comes in with some italian pasta. The twink mumbles something and curls further in on himself. Jason just stares; was he seriously kidnapped (rather efficiently he has to admit) for a date of all things? He allows himself relax a smidgen since it appears he wasn’t brought here out of malice.

Alright, focus and take stock of the situation. These kids seemed to be older than high schoolers, and they have some training under their belt if they were able to get a drop on him in his own territory. The bats share some of their own tidbits they’ve been able to gather from tailing these particular teens. Apparently their here on a three day field trip from Illinois and have been causing mayhem ever since they’ve arrived. Tim’s caffeine infused theory is that they are magic users from a magic school that taught necromancy which Jason chooses to ignore indefinitely.

The twink finally raises his head and Jason stills.

Oh, oh no.

He’s not just a twink.

He’s a really pretty twink.

No, focus and catalog!

They have raven black hair that is playfully tousled, making him look even younger than his short slim build already does. His ivory skin is dusted with freckles like decoration help bring out his big doe eyes, and oh those eyes, like baby blue sapphires frames perfectly by dark luscious lashes. He wonders if those rose petal lips would taste like-

No! No, bad Jason! Bad!

The poor boy, all blushing and overwhelmed apologizes, “I’m so sorry Mr. Hood! I-I told them not to do anything drastic since I don’t need a boyfriend o-or partner, but they won’t listen!”

The asian dude intersects from the side, “Of course we won’t. Otherwise you’ll never get a date who isn’t a back stabbing brick or world conquering megalomaniac like your creepy uncle Vlad.”

“Were are doing this for your sake Danny!” shouts the curly haired boy.

Okay, ignoring those concerning remarks for now Jason turns back to the pretty twink named Danny.

He smirks “So… this happens often?”

Danny groans and blushes more all the way to his ears, “Only twice before thankfully. I mean I appreciate that they want me to be happy but… after all my past relationships I’ve gotten in terms with the fact that I might never find someone right for me; after all who would want a half dead guy like me as their boyfriend.”

Jason’s heart kinda breaks at the resigned smile forming on those soft lips. He can hear Stephanie cry vehement denials and righteous encouragements trough the link.

“Hey now, don’t say that. You seem like a nice guy so it’s their own fault for not seeing the beaut that you are. Hands down this has been most pleasant kidnapping I’ve experienced so far.”

Jason smirks when he sees Danny blush even more at his complement, while ignoring Damian’s demands to seize fraternizing with the other party.

“And since were both here why not make most of it. Care to tell some about yourself?”

Danny shifts a bit and thinks, “Umm… Well, I should probably introduce myself since it’s kinda my fault your here; I’m Danny Fenton and I study engineering at Casper University. I really like space and astronomy, I also like animals and volunteer at the local zoo and animal shelter when I can. And I’ve also started to take interest in reading, mostly sci-fi and murder mysteries.”

So far so good, he thinks as he discreetly looks the other over. He says he’s in university but-

“Quick question: how old are you if you don’t mind me asking?”

Please be legal, please be legal, please be legal-

“Oh, I’m eighteen soon to be nineteen.”

Thank fuck.

“What about you? I can you tell about yourself, it doesn’t have to be anything too personal with secret identities and all. I actually used to be a teen hero before going fully public so I understand.”

Jason blinks. The coms are silent.

“What do you-”

His words die on his tongue when pair of gloved hands grip Danny’s shoulders. Green rage fills his vision when he seen the face of the monster that plagues this city. The Joker.

He growls and craps his gun.

“Well what do we have here? Couple of love birds~” comes a grating voice right above Danny, causing him to turn around.

He screams and throws a punch.

The Pit Rage coursing through Jason’s veins that was demanding him to attack, to kill, to protect, to take-Danny-and-never-let-go came to a freezing halt. He watches in awe as his gorgeous twink decks the clown fucker in the face, eliciting a satisfying crack. Joker goes flying in beautiful arch and lands on his neck.

They all watch his limp form. He doesn’t rise.

“Damn it, not again. Third one in two months, hopefully this time they won’t seek compensation.” One their musicians mutters.

Danny turns back to him and begins to ramble and gesture with his bloodied hand, “O-Oh gosh! I’m so sorry, please don’t tell Batman! I don’t want him to kick us out just yet; I haven’t gotten to visit the planetarium yet.”

Welp, now Jason knows where to take Danny on their second date. He takes his helmet off as his siblings yell at him but he doesn’t care about that, all he cares about wooing the fuck out of this murder twink. He fixes his hair a bit and leans on the table, giving his most charming smile.

“Never dream of it. Anyway~ ever read Jane Austen?”

In his opinion the name Jason Fenton has a nice ring to it.

[writeriguess]

Can you write me a MHA fic where reader and Katsuki have been crushing on each other for ages but both are denying it and Katsuki is really mean to her, and reader is really mean to Katsuki. One day, Katsuki's friends trick them and get them to go on a blind date, they have a huge fight but end up making out.

Like Hell I’d Fall for You

"God, he’s insufferable."

You slam your locker shut with a little more force than necessary, scowling like the world personally offended you. Which, to be fair, it kind of did. Or more specifically, he did.

"Bakugou Katsuki is the human embodiment of a stubbed toe," you mutter under your breath.

"Funny," says Mina from behind you, “because I just heard him say you were the reason birth control was invented.”

You whip around. “He said what?”

She raises her hands innocently. “Hey, I’m just the messenger. Though, to be fair, didn’t you call him a sentient Red Bull can last week?”

“That's generous,” you scoff. “Red Bull gives people wings. Bakugou gives people migraines.”

Meanwhile, in the opposite hallway…

"She’s fucking unbearable," Bakugou growls, kicking his locker shut hard enough to dent it.

“She’s literally the only person who can keep up with your bullshit, man,” Kirishima replies, biting into an apple like this is just another episode of their weekly soap opera. “That kind of energy? It’s flirting.”

Bakugou’s eye twitches. “Shut up.”

“I’m just saying. She calls you a dumpster fire with legs, but she also stares at you for ten minutes during training.”

Bakugou turns his glare on him. “If I stared at a fire for ten minutes, it’d be because I wanted to burn it out.”

Kirishima just smiles knowingly. “Right.”

This, of course, has been going on for months. The entire class is in on it. The professors? Probably too. It’s hard to miss the sheer voltage of tension between you and Bakugou.

You mock him, he scowls at you. He mocks you, you threaten to shove his gauntlet up his ass. Everyone pretends not to notice that neither of you ever backs down. It’s exhausting. And weirdly entertaining.

Which is why Mina, Kirishima, and Kaminari decide to intervene.

By lying to you.

Friday, 6:30 PM – Somewhere in a trendy Tokyo café

You’re dressed like a liar. Because you were told this was a casual coffee meetup with Mina and Momo. So you showed up in a cute dress, makeup on, hair nice.

Which is exactly why, when you see Bakugou at the other end of the café looking just as confused and wearing a crisp black button-up (that you refuse to admit fits him way too well), your stomach drops.

“Oh hell no.”

He spots you. His face does a weird thing. You think it might be pain. Or fury. Or indigestion.

You both start walking toward each other like you’re about to duel at high noon.

“What the hell is this?” you hiss.

“I was told this was a Kirishima thing,” he growls.

“Well, Mina’s dead to me now.”

He crosses his arms. “Like I’d go on a date with you.”

“Oh please. Like I’d want to.”

And yet, neither of you leave.

You’re both seated. Begrudgingly. In utter silence. Until the barista drops off two drinks Mina apparently pre-ordered under the names “Queen of Spite” and “Lord Explosion Murder.”

Your cup has a little heart on it. His has a middle finger doodled on the side.

You blink. Then laugh. “Okay, that’s actually kind of funny.”

He snorts. “Idiots.”

Silence again. Then:

“You look good,” he mutters.

You glance up, startled.

He immediately scowls. “I mean, like. For you. Not—whatever. Fuck.”

You smirk. “Wow. That almost sounded like a compliment. Who are you and what have you done with the snarling porcupine I know?”

He glares. “You look like you’re going to a damn gala.”

“Oh, so now it’s too much?”

“You’re fishing.”

“I don’t need to fish for compliments from you, Katsuki.”

“You just did!”

“Oh my god, do you even hear yourself?!”

You’re both standing now. Not yelling, but close.

“You think I wanna be here?” he bites out.

“I know you don’t. You’d rather die than admit you like me.”

He goes still.

Shit.

Shitshitshit.

You freeze too. A beat of silence. Then:

“I—what?” you stammer.

His mouth works like he wants to say something, but can’t.

Then he does.

“Of course I fucking like you.”

Your heart slams into your ribs.

“I’ve liked you since second year,” he mutters, not meeting your eyes. “When you beat the shit outta that third year who said my quirk was all boom, no bite. You called him a discount sparklers pack.”

Your jaw drops.

“I've tried everything to stop. You drive me insane. You talk back, you’re loud, you fight dirty—”

“So do you!” you shout.

“Exactly!” he snaps. “You’re like... I don’t know! A natural disaster. A pretty one. With teeth.”

You blink.

“Oh my god.”

And then—

You launch across the table.

He catches you halfway.

Mouths crash. Teeth knock. Someone knocks over a latte. It’s chaos. It’s electric. It’s inevitable.

Your hands are in his hair. His hands are on your waist. Your body feels like it’s on fire and your heart is trying to punch out of your chest. It's a fucking moment.

Somewhere behind the counter, a barista stops mid-pour.

“Holy shit,” says the newer one. “Should we... call security?”

The older barista just watches calmly, chewing gum. “Nah. This is like a nature documentary.”

The new guy blinks. “What?”

She jerks her thumb toward you and Bakugou, still aggressively making out.

“Predators. They fight, then they mate. Give it a minute.”

You and Bakugou eventually stumble out of the café, breathless and flushed, hand-in-hand like you didn’t spend the last year trading death threats.

“So,” you say, looking up at him. “Was that the worst date you’ve ever been on?”

He grins, wide and wolfish. “Nah.”

“I mean, you did spill my latte.”

“You tackled me.”

You smirk. “So we’re even?”

“Not even close,” he growls, pulling you in again. “I’m gonna spend the rest of the damn week making up for lost time.”

And he does.

Much to the horror (and secret delight) of everyone at U.A.

[reindeerswillsavethisworld]

Honestly, I find the idea of Tucker being cursed with bad luck so fucking funny. Like, imagine that the majority of mishaps and unfortunate accidents were due to the Tucker’s bad luck, but the idea of him being a trouble magnet just. Didn’t cross their minds. If anything, everyone from Danny’s circle of friends, acquaintances and (fre)enemies believes that it is Danny who’s cursed with shitty luck because of all the bullshit he and his (relatively) happy band of clowns get involved with.

And then Tucker leaves for vacation with his parents for a week, and it’s the quietest Amity Park has ever been. No ghosts, no natural disasters, no creepy circuses with their sicko ringmasters; the sun is shining and birds are chirping, the school is less horrible than usual, Vlad is on some sort of business trip and left the town, Sam’s mother decided to leave her alone for a change and Danny even gets enough sleep at night! They’re thriving, man!

Tucker, meanwhile, is locked in a twisted survival horror with only his beret for a company and is having a horrible week. Afterwards it was assumed that it’s because some kind of creature akin to Youngblood followed him to make his life a living hell, therefore Sam, Danny and Tucker decided to stick together as much as possible to prevent it from happening again. And the cycle continues.

[yellowwwcrayon]

I love the idea of In-ho having tu recruit people for the games because he lost a bet.

Like, imagine him, the Recruiter and the Masked Officer, all hanging out in Captain Park's boat. Just chilling, fishing and drinking before this year's game season begins. They're all slightly drunk, except for the Masked Officers, who's a beer away from an alcoholic coma (he really can't stand their bullshit sober).

And then the Recruiter starts to openly complain about how hard it has been to recruit new people lately, and In-ho scoffs hard because, how hard can it be? The country is full of desperate people willing to do anything for money. You just have to know where to look.

Seok-woo, talking with a slightly slurring speech: Oh, oh, so you think my job is easy? You think you could do it better than me?

In-ho: Well, yes.

Seok-woo: Okay. So how about this: I bet that I can recruit 228 players faster than you can.

In-ho, not sober enough to know what he's betting on and just wanting to prove him wrong: Fine.

Seok-woo, to the Masked Officer: Good, you are our witness to our bet.

The Masked Officer doesn't answer him because he's too busy focusing in not throwing back.

A couple of week passes and one Monday, Seok-woo sends In-ho a text message: I'm starting recruiting now. I will tell you when I'm done with the 228th.

And In-ho is all like "???? What's this whore talking about now?" So when he consults the Masked Officer about it and finds out what they bet that day on their little fishing trip (judging by what the Masked Officer remembers, that is actually a 23% of that day) he's like "Well, shit." He can't not do it, that arrogant bastard will never shut up if he doesn't even try it. So he decides he's doing it.

it took Seok-woo two weeks to recruit all the 228, meaning he has to do it in 13 days, tops.

The next Monday, he puts on a very elegant designer suit and some black leather gloves (basically LBH's look in Red 2 🫦) and starts his work.

It goes well, at least at first. But the time limit is getting close and he only has 227. He has only a couple of hours before the day number 13 ends, so he needs to find someone and he needs to find them now.

So he decides to try the subway again one last time. He looks around and around, but no one looks desperate enough.

And then he finds him.

A middle age man wearing poor quality clothes and everything about him screams that he has just lost all his will to keep going. He looks so depressed. Also, he has bruises on his face and dried blood near his nose.

In-ho immediately knows that he's the perfect man he has been looking for.

And then you can imagine what happens 🤭 But imagine that after having played with Gi-hun and finding him fascinating, now there are two wolfs inside In-ho. One that says that he should give Gi-hun the card and win the bet, and the other that says that he should lose the bet on purpose, let the arrogant bastard have his two minutes of glory and take Gi-hun to the nearest love motel. He didn't miss the way Gi-hun flushed slightly when he mentioned that he could pay with his body if he didn't have money enough, or the way his eyes were fixed on his leather gloves for a while before he took them so he could sleep him.

The cackle I let out when I read "What's this whore talking about now?" They would be so bitchy with one another. Men are capable of extremely toxic relationships/friendships lol.

Also, I feel like Inho would actually not be very good at recruiting. Like Inho has resting bitch face and Recruiter has better EQ and looks flirtier than our awkward little dad joke cracking taxidermy collecting freak. Inho probably still carries himself like law enforcement, too. Force of habit and the homeless/debt avoiders have a sixth sense for these types of people, so they scatter when they make eye contact like cockroaches when you flip on the light and that makes him progressively madder and madder, which makes the law enforcement aura worse...lol

anyway, I freaking love this so much. @everwhovian more for you to chew on from an awesome anon 💖

Like this man is a lot more suave than our murder kitten Hwang Inho. They’re both insane freaks on the inside but he hides it better I feel.

[thesightstoshowyou]

Wasteland Education

Cooper Howard (The Ghoul) x F Reader (NSFW)

Summary: You ask a question and the Ghoul is more than happy to give you a demonstration.

Warnings: Rope play, boot play, knife play, threats, it’s all a bit dubious

Thank you to @slasher-smasher for this brilliant prompt.

Gif by @fukutomichi

“Now this one right here is called a bowline knot. If ya’ do it right,” deft fingers loop and tighten the rope, “It ain’t gonna budge.”

“Tight—it hurts, it’s too—

“Don’t interrupt a man when he’s talkin’, sugar. Pay attention, now. There’s gonna be a test.” The Ghoul stands, end of the rope in hand. Boots swish through sand as he stalks over to the rusted Chryslus. He anchors the rope to the hitch and tests its hold before returning to your struggling, supine form.

Your arms, now stretched over your head and secured to the car by your wrists, are lashed together with several feet of rope that dig into your flesh and rub it raw. Your left leg is bent at the knee, calf tethered to thigh. More rope twines around the limb, different knots punctuating each loop.

“Please, my leg is falling asleep—

“Keep it up and I’ll put one in your mouth,” he chides, crouching at your side. As you grunt and attempt to roll your ankle to work feeling back into your leg, your gaze lifts to the scarred face of the Ghoul. He watches you squirm, smug satisfaction in his expression. Behind him, the sunset blazes orange on the horizon. Wisps of cloud like pale pink fingers reach across the sky.

The heat of the day departs with the setting sun. A rapidly cooling breeze billows over dunes and blows loose grains of sand across your exposed skin. Goosebumps raise in quick succession along intricately tied limbs. You wear nothing but a tattered t-shirt and underwear, something you’d been told was “essential to the learnin’ process.”

The snide remark about your bullshit meter going haywire had landed you in your current predicament.

Eyes darkened by the brim of a hat slide over to your free leg. You suppress the urge to draw it up toward your chest and spare it the same numbing fate as its twin.

“I-I think I got it, we don’t have to do anymore,” you try, your shoulders beginning to ache with how they’re pulled taut over your head.

“You asked the question, baby. I’m just makin’ sure you get all the information you need.”

You curse your curiosity. Late afternoon had seen the Ghoul quietly organizing supplies, you lounging nearby and chomping on jerky. The meticulous way he’d looped his lasso had prompted your idiotic question: ‘Can you teach me how to tie knots like that?’ His response—the crooked smirk that pulled at the corner of his mouth—should have sent you running for the hills.

A gnarled hand grips your ankle. Calloused fingers trace the curve of your calf and slot behind your knee. Pressure forces your knee to your chest as the opposite hand reaches for another length of rope. The vulnerable position—thighs spread open, the Ghoul kneeling between them—brings heat to your cheeks and makes you swallow to lend moisture to your dry throat.

If he’s affected by your pose, he doesn’t show it. Instead, his focus is on the twine he circles around your knee. “Here, we’ll employ a slip knot. Easy to undo in a hurry.” The zip of the line reaches your ears as it’s pulled tight—too tight—just above your knee. Your hamstring protests the strain when your leg is hiked up. The Ghoul stands and strides over to the car hitch once more.

Unhurried footsteps muffled by sand herald his reappearance. The shredded duster brushes your skin as he steps over your newly strung up leg to stand between your splayed thighs.

“Hm, now look at that. Just needs a bow,” he purrs and you can’t help the nervous shifting of your shivering body. Pins and needles prick your limbs, your nerves screaming their demand for freedom. You’d beg if it wouldn’t make your situation worse.

The Ghoul lifts the toe of his boot and slides his heel forward to press the sole to your clothed cunt. You suck in a sharp inhale through your teeth and twitch, the muscles in your jaw popping to contain your indigence. However, all it takes is a swirl of his ankle to pull a pitiful little whimper from your throat. He keeps adding pressure until you’re bucking your hips and straining against your bonds, lips parted and panting, sweat chilling on your brow.

“As much as I’m enjoying the sight a’ ya’ humpin’ my boot like a cat in heat,” he announces, pulling his foot away and reaching for his knife, “All this racket yer makin’ s’gonna attract somethin’ I ain’t keen on dealin’ with.”

The blade gleams in the fading light when it slides free of its sheath. An anxious cry sticks in your throat as the Ghoul kneels near your left leg.

“Time for that final exam I promised. I’m gonna point to a knot and yer gonna tell me what it is. Every mistake’ll earn ya’—“ he raises the knife and twists it to and fro for emphasis, “—a correction.” Your chest heaves, pulse galloping, cold sweat sticking your hair to the back of your neck.

“It’ll be in yer best interest not to fuck up. There’s no shortage of critters out here who’ll come runnin’ at the scent of blood.”

[sobeksewerrat]

The Christmas Spirit™️

Gift for @bluexjayy for Freakblr Secret Santa 2024!! ( @everything-freakblr ) (I ALMOST MISSED THE DEADLINE THANK GOD)

Word Count: 2,277 (I think?? Not sure actually)

A/N: I wish I could've written something better and more christmas-y but this is all I got in me sorry Jay :( [ill upload this to ao3 soon after I post this hopefully]

To say Drew wasn't a fan of Christmas would be an understatement.

 Drew hated Christmas.

He didn't understand what was so fucking great and important about it.

It was just a holiday like any other, but people are so goddamn annoying about it- like Halloween, but worse. 

‘The Christmas Spirit’ meant absolutely fucking nothing to him; in fact, he didn't even understand what that meant. Every Christmas movie or story revolved around it, there's always some message or another about the “true meaning of Christmas” and “the importance of family and friends” and whatnot, and it all sounded like bullshit to him.

Maybe it was because of his upbringing.

With his parents’ ever-growing company, he grew up knowing what the real meaning of Christmas was.

Christmas meant money. 

Christmas meant shitty, overpriced, Christmas-themed products that will be bought by thousands of foolish idiots who wanted to see Santa Claus’ face on everything. 

Christmas meant uncomfortable, long and draining photoshoots with his parents for publicity.

Christmas meant meaningless apologies from his parents for not being there on Christmas Eve while they go out on their fancy corporate dinners they've stopped taking him to, and a mountain of impersonal, generic gifts. 

So, yeah, Christmas sucked, and Drew had no idea why people were so fucking obsessed with it.

Every year, Drew would simply spend Christmas Eve playing video games or watching actually good, not-holiday-themed movies ‘till he went to sleep- like any other normal day. 

That was what he was planning to do this year, too.

That was, of course, until his stupid friends decided to ruin things. 

It all started when he heard the doorbell.

He, foolishly, assumed it was the pizza delivery guy (he'd, unfortunately, ordered it from Stacy's Mamma Mia Pizza, the only pizza place open on December 24th, much to Drew's dismay). 

He opened the door without looking at the person behind, fishing through his wallet for a tip. 

Huge mistake- because he was immediately tackled by Henry, who decided it would be a good idea to launch himself at Drew in a surprise hug. 

Merry Christmas, Drew!” he exclaimed in a singsong voice, tightening his arms around his chest. 

Drew sputtered, struggling to come up with a response when his only line of thought was what the fuck what the hell what in the fucking music fre- 

“Hey, Drew,” Liam greeted, pushing the door closed behind him.

“Wassup?” Jake chirped picking up his wallet off the floor and placing it on the side table.

Henry let go of his grip on Drew, and went to take his shoes off by the door.

“What the fuck are you guys doing here?!” Drew finally said. 

“Eh, well, we were kinda bored and decided to come over, y’know? To keep you company?” Jake shrugged, “It was Henry's idea.”

 "Yeah, man! You always spend Christmas holed up alone all depressed and shit like you're the Grinch or something, so I thought we could cheer you up!” the boy in question added.

“Is that really it? Or did you guys just want to use my heater?” he eyed their snow-covered coats and cold-flushed faces- becoming increasingly (and embarrassingly) aware of his own fuzzy pajamas. 

“That-” Henry raised a finger, “-is simply an added bonus. Our intentions are pure and innocent, honest to Rosy.”

 “Uh-huh, sure,”

 “C'mon, dude, I swear I'm not kidding! We just-” 

Liam nudged him slightly, causing him to look up at him in confusion. A short, silent conversation passed between them before clarity dawned on Henry's face. 

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot,” he started digging through the backpack he was wearing, pulling out a small gift bag, “Here you go, Drew!” 

He eyed the bag skeptically before taking it, looking through the contents. 

Was that-

“Wait, you guys got me a watch?”

Henry's cheeks reddened, “Well, uh, we weren't really sure what else to get you-”

“And we saw you staring at it at the mall a few weeks ago, so it was kinda a no-brainer,” Liam rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “So, yeah,” 

Drew gawked at the gift bag in his hands, handling it much more delicately than before, “Uh….thanks,” 

Fuck. He was grateful, he really was, but he was shocked they'd even thought of him- he was the one usually getting them stuff. 

And this definitely wasn't cheap, even if it wasn't some big name brand, they had to have saved up quite a bit for this. Shit shit shit-

Suddenly Drew felt shame wash over him- he still hadn't gotten them anything, he'd assumed he still had another day to get them their gifts but…shit.

“I, er, your gifts haven't been delivered yet,” he lied, hopefully sounding convincing enough, “They'll probably arrive by tomorrow- hopefully.” 

He'd probably have to throw in a bit more of his personal allowance for that to happen, but he'll make it work (even if he felt the slightest bit of guilt at the idea of some underpaid delivery guy rushing to get him his order on Christmas Day). 

“Aww, Drew! I knew you loved us!” Henry put his hands on his own cheeks and mockingly gushed- Drew felt his ears burning up a bit.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he rolled his eyes and set the bag on the side table next to him, mentally adding a reminder to himself to take it up to his room later. 

Jake sighed, “Would it kill you to smile?” 

Drew glared at him. He glared back.

Liam, thank Rosy, intercepted the staring match he'd inadvertently started, “Anyhow, I was thinking maybe we could make some hot chocolate or something? I mean, I doubt you'd prefer eggn-” 

“Absolutely not!” Drew snapped, recalling the infamous Eggnog Incident of 2016, that ended with him banning Liam and Henry from coming over to his place for almost two consecutive years.

A look of confusion briefly flashed upon Jake's face, but he didn't comment. Of course he was confused, he wasn't there when Henry decided it’d be a good idea t-

“Yeah, so we got this!” Henry pulled out a packet of some cheap-looking cocoa powder from his bag. 

“And you're expecting me to make that for you guys?” he raised an eyebrow. It didn't look even like it was one of those instant type thingies! Did they want to burn his kitchen down?

“Nope,” Liam said, taking the packet from Henry, “I am.”

 “No, you're not,” 

“Yes, I am,” he pushed past him, heading towards the kitchen anyways.

Drew sputtered for a moment, absolutely flabbergasted at the sheer fucking audacity before jogging up behind Liam to stop him.

-☆-

He did not, in fact, stop him. 

Instead, Liam had gotten out a saucepan, a bag of sugar and set down their specific mugs with cartoon animal faces printed on them: a rabbit one for Henry, a bat for Liam, a brown bear for himself and a golden retriever for Jake.

He'd gotten the first three back in middle school, but the last one he'd gotten during last year when he first met Jake (and he'd gone through extreme lengths to make it match with his and the others). 

Had it really only been a year?

It felt way longer than that.

Liam opened the packet and pouring some of it into a tablespoon.

“Ugh, why do we have to use this cheap shit again?” Drew rolled his eyes as Liam carefully measured out how much cocoa powder and sugar he should add to the pan, “You guys know I have higher quality stuff than whatever tasteless brand this is.” 

Liam paid him no attention, and Jake frowned.

Okay, maybe he was being a little bit too mean, but he wasn't wrong. He could understand if they drank this stuff at their homes, but they were at his house, they should get to taste actually good stuff. 

Henry crossed his arms and rolled his eyes in turn, imitating Drew, “You mean that thing that tasted like cardboard and artificial sweetener?” 

“And had that really weird aftertaste?” Jake added.

“And also made us all sick afterwards because the packet was apparently five years old?” Liam randomly decided to comment whilst pouring milk into the saucepan.

Drew felt his cheeks redden, “It's not my fucking fault it expired! And it tastes better with age!” 

Jake sighed, “It's not wine, Drew.” 

“Dude, five years is like,” Henry paused to count on his fingers, “A third of my life! You should've thrown it out ages ago!” 

He simply glared at him in response, arms still crossed over his chest. 

Clearly he wasn't going to win this argument, even though he was right, since they were all against him, apparently. 

Drew huffed, “Whatever.” 

He rolled his eyes again, then decided to stare at the mixture on the stove.

 “Why do you even make it like that?” he asked Liam, eyeing him as he stirred the drink in the pan, “Can't you just- I don't know- add the milk and the powder and stuff to each mug indvidually like a normal person?” 

Liam simply shrugged, eyes fixed on what he was doing, “It's just how my mom does it, and it somewhat tastes better this way.” 

“You're fucking weird,”

 “Thanks, man,”

After that there weren't many words exchanged between them, Jake and Henry were chatting about some new episode of an anime they both followed (which, usually, he would've joined the discussion- mostly to mock them -but he wasn't sure he had energy for that), and Liam was almost done with his weird hot chocolate invention thing. 

Drew pulled out his phone from his pocket, checking his food delivery app to track where his pizza went. 

It was…yeah, okay, it was definitely not arriving anytime soon with the traffic jam on Christmas Eve and the fact that it was still on the opposite side of town. Just great. Fantastic. Truly amazing.

Drew hears the bubbling of the hot chocolate concoction and looks up as Liam starts carefully pouring out their portions, then going to add two extra spoons of sugar into Henry's rabbit mug. 

Of course. 

Henry pulled out two large bags from his backpack, grin wide on his face, “Who wants marshmallows?!”

 “Oh, me!” 

“Yeah, sure,” 

Drew simply grunted in response.

Henry popped open a bag, and grabbed a handful of white and pink marshmallows, dumping them into his mug. 

Drew had to physically stop himself from gagging.

His ability to consume that much sugar was both fascinating and utterly disgusting.

Jake took three for himself, Liam two. Henry waved the bag in front of him in offering, but Drew brushed him off, the sight of them alone making him sick after that display.

Later, when he'd see them all happily chewing on their own marshmallows he'd regret his dramatics, but he was too stubborn to ask for some.

By the time they'd decided what to do next, the others had finished their drinks already.

It took a few minutes of back and forth, still, the others had miraculously convinced (forced) Drew to watch some cheesy holiday film with them- Jake citing that ‘he hasn't truly lived till he'd seen a shitty Hallmark romance’ or something like that.

And that's how he ended up stuck on the couch, in between his friends, the blanket he'd been previously using draped over their shoulders uselessly. 

Jake had instantly picked up the remote and flipped to some website or another and turned on some holiday flick or another for them to watch- he wasn't exactly paying attention, they all looked the same to him. 

His friends were oddly invested in whatever it was, though, yelling at the main leads for simply existing and sympathising with the main character's ex boyfriend for whatever reason. 

They were so fucking weird, Drew confirmed in his head once more. 

But…as he sat there, sandwiched between Jake and Henry sipping his hot chocolate, Drew couldn't help the warmth that snaked its way into his chest. 

Whether it was because of the drink or some strange, unfounded burst of affection, Drew did not care enough to discern the difference.

He was with his friends, on the coldest and loneliest night of the year, and they'd chosen to stay with him, he didn't have to persuade them with gifts or money, didn't have to dangle the promise of popularity in front of them, because they cared about him and just wanted hang out and watch a low-budget dumpsterfire with him.

Drew wiped away a stray tear with his shirt sleeve before the others could notice. 

Ugh, when did he get so soft? 

A small smile played on his lips as he saw them all transfixed on the movie playing on screen, still invested in the strange, Christmas-themed romance unfolding.

Drew took a final sip from his mug, setting it down on the coffee table and leaning back, deciding he should give the movie a shot.

Henry, unprompted, leaned back as well, resting his head on Drew's shoulder, wrapping an arm around him and then nuzzling into his chest. Jake soon followed, then Liam did too, wrapping his arms around Henry. 

Drew bit down on his lip, stopping his gut reaction of telling them all to get the fuck off him and take their cuddle pile somewhere else, because, as much as he hated to admit it, he kind of liked it.

Their presence was warm, comforting, and only Luni knew how much Drew desperately needed something to help him during the blistering cold of late December (since his heater wasn't enough, apparently). 

So, begrudgingly, he let them be while they continued watching the film. 

Drew internally sighed.

Maybe Christmas wasn't all bad. 

[pepperf]

TUA Mass Rewatch Event: s1, ep 9, I should title these but I never remember the ep names

They need to get rid of that kettle, is all. Number 7 doesn't like the horrible whistle, and that's understandable!

I wonder when Reggie switched from pseudo-Edwardian outfits to kitschy 1950s fetish wear.

Harold's textbook manipulative shit is becoming less and less subtle. "I'm the only one on your side" dude you've been dating for less than a week.

Just when you thought 'standing around sobbing' was bad - I can't believe they drove Allison ALL THE WAY HOME with a cut throat, jesus fucking christ boys. No one ask any of them for help.

I ADORE Diego's little whimper before he passes out. Baby!!!

Five and Diego, when it comes to The Mission, are almost always in tune (obligatory "fuck you" to s4). Luther is about fifty/fifty on whether he's prepared to be professional today, and the rest of them always have other concerns – it's just these two who prioritise the actual plot. Not necessarily effectively, rarely is the plot complying with their idea of how to solve it – but at least they're trying.

Harold gets what's coming to him. "I've never been afraid of you" oh you're gonna be. We all just saw what V is capable of, at the top of this ep. I mean, he kinda provokes this, idk what he was thinking – but yikes V, he wasn't the one who cut your sister's neck.

Congrats, Prince Gross, you've found the hole that fits your glass eye. I hope you and the dead body live happily ever after.

Diego's like, yeah okay the apocalypse is solved, gotta get back to killing the people who killed Patch. How much blood did they take from him, anyhow? Bc I feel like he shouldn't be operating heavy machinery, fighting time travelling assassins, etc, just yet. Get him some juice and some salted peanuts.

Five your taste in drinks is shocking but I love it. "Do you have my sister? If not, would you like a margarita?" XD

Love Diego coming in from offscreen. XD See, Diego would do well at the Commission, ethics aside – Hazel is one of their best, and it wasn't clear who was gonna win that fight, had Five not intervened.

Five's whole calculation of apocalypse odds is clearly bullshit, as demonstrated by his utter misunderstanding here of Why It's All Over. It's all smoke and mirrors.

Oh like you're not an emotionally-stunted manchild already, Five. I do appreciate him trying to clear Diego and solve Patch's murder, at least - but mailing the guns anonymously to the police is about on a par with his other plans, i.e. predicated on a completely tenuous set of assumptions.

Why do they always have to wake up on that horrible medical trolley. Get a bed in there, or move them after surgery, or something. They try to turn over or sit up, and they're gonna be on the floor with popped stitches, and all your good work is undone.

I do love what Diego – eventually – describes as what he loved about Patch. And Five actually offering sane relationship advice! Everyone take a drink!

Oh if only it had been literally anyone else who met V… The others would be angry, sure, but not smother-you-unconscious-and-lock-you-in-a-cage angry. Luther you dumbassssssssss… None of the others come running at the ENTIRE FUCKING EARTHQUAKE tho, despite Five and Diego being next door, just last scene.

C'mon Diego, you knew the creepy dungeon under your house existed, this is where you got dunked in a tank for hours.

I love Diego and Klaus's heartfelt arguments for V's freedom , but if they truly believed, I feel like they'd get around Luther. Allison is too weak to do it, but you two totally could, come on guys. Or go back afterwards, instead of focusing on your own problems.

I really REALLY wanna know how Agnes reacted to all this afterwards! This isn't just finding out Hazel broke the law once or something – he's a time travelling hitman! Who might literally kill someone in front of her!

One thing I meant to note in yesterday's ep: Grace's hair, once she's reset. It's looser, like she feels more free – now that Reggie is dead? It's sweet, and I feel like it adds still more to the idea that she has real feelings.

"She likes sequins." lol, the poor shop assistant isn't paid enough for this.

Does Luther even realise what a horrific thing he's doing to V – the isolation, the sensory deprivation – their worst nightmare? Welp, I guess he's gonna.

[ominous-faechild]

✦ OC Questionnaire Tag 3 ✦

Thanks for the tag, @illarian-rambling!

Characters from Sun and Shadow: Freya, Crow, and Valyarus Characters from the Arcane Rifts: Gene, Tazin, and Mislav Featuring tAR's children at ages 15, 17, and 17! (Aka mid book 2.)

Questions: - Do you have a tell when you're lying? - What other media genre would you do the worst in? - Are you confident in yourself? from @the-letterbox-archives

Do you have a tell when you're lying?

Freya: Um... not that I know of? I'm not really in the habit of lying? (*remembers that she does, in fact, lie a lot... but mostly through omission of the truth!*) Haha... yeah! ... ugh, okay, um. If I had to guess... (*shifts uncomfortably in place*) it would probably be that I struggle in what to say? Though I kinda do that anyway? Ugh, I don't really know. (A/N: the easiest sign to tell that she's "lying" is that she avoids the subject completely. She'll change the subject or "get distracted". She also fidgets more, but that's something she does a lot anyways because she's awkward.)

Crow: Of course not! I don't lie anyway, so how would I find out? 😉🥰 (psst... Crow...) What? (You're supposed to basically be under truth serum for these Questionnaire posts...) Okay. And? 😘 (So you're telling me that you, a detective, have never told a lie once?) ... (See the issue there?) Nope! 😄 (A/N: WHELP! Uncooperative Crow understandably won't tell you, so I will. They're a very good liar, so it's hard to tell when they do. The best indicator is that they'll stumble slightly in their speech when almost saying something "they shouldn't" or they'll hesitate while trying to come up with a lie. The falters are always subtle though.)

Valyarus: (*snorts*) I would think not. Besides, I'm not in the habit of lying. There's too much magic that can force you into Truth-telling to be able to rely on it--no, best is operating in half-truths and implication. The best method of deception is allowing the one you wish to deceive to come up with the answers for themself. For example... (*slowly smirks, quirking an eyebrow*) I never said I don't lie just now... did I? (A/N: ahhh, our beloved douchebag faerie living up to his species's reputation. In other words: he's a fantastic "liar".)

Gene: I... don't know. I'd... like to think not. Maybe... maybe that I... (*takes a slow, deep breath, collecting himself*) ... I probably act more confident when I lie. I... I'm not confident. And probably don't... stutter as much. Or hesitate... So, speaking patterns? They--they change, I mean. My speaking patterns. When I lie.

Tazin: (*snarls*) I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, you got me? I--I-- (*struggling to lie because of the whole "these questions are answered under basically-truth serum" thing*) FINE! I don't fucking lie because I can't, okay? I avoid the subject! Or I just--I don't know, I just fucking lie??? How am I supposed to fucking know if I have a "tell"??? Don't you think I'd fucking fix it if I knew??? (A/N: he gets avoidant of the subject and/or highly aggressive to dissuade the asker from continuing at the moment... or generally asking again.)

Mislav: Um... this is a weird question?... I guess I don't really--(*remembers he lies literally all the time*)--lie... (*lets out a slow, pained sigh, running his hands back through his hair in frustration*) I don't know? I just--try my best to bullshit it? Try to make people feel better, or avoid giving them the information they want? I don't know??? (A/N: best indication is that he answers too quickly. He usually practices/rehearses his lies before it comes time to actually tell them. Otherwise (if he didn't expect to have to lie/doesn't have one prepared), he freezes up, stutters, and smiles/jokes too much as he tries "appeasing" or distracting the questioner.)

What other media genre would you do the worst in?

(we're going to be implanting Forbidden Knowledge of our Real World genres and whatnot for them to be able to best answer this!)

Freya: The horror genre. (*shudders*) I cannot deal with scary stuff, okay? I think I would be the first to die. I'd scream, or cry, and break down--probably try hitting the monster or whatever over the head with a chair when it turns the corner and, well... that never goes well in those sorts of things, does it?

Crow: Fairy tales. I'd either be the "lesson"--"don't do this or look what happens to you! You'll become Crow!"--or I'd be whatever the horrifying monster or villain is. I mean... (*laughs awkwardly, looking away and rubbing their shoulder feathers*) when you're me... you get used to knowing you're what's wrong with the world. (*beat. They realize what they've just said--*) I mean, romance. I'd probably annoy my love interest to death. 😎

Valyarus: (*fake gags, then with disgust:*) Romance. My only "biological" child was through magic, and I would not step foot near anyone with that sort of intention. I don't understand how others do. Much less why my daughter is so interested in Freya. They just met! (note: he's aroace and is equally disgusted with romance and sex. Also, yes, I know that's not how all aroace people are. I have plenty of other characters everywhere else in the spectrum. This is just where Valyarus is.)

Gene: Um... probably romance. I...'m not interested in it... not really. Be-besides with Mislav, I mean... and I... I don't even know why he likes me? 😅😓 ... people think I'm creepy. They don't say it--not to my face--but I know they think it. And I... I struggle to talk with people a lot. I try to say one thing, but they think I mean another?... I don't understand why. It's hard. And I--... I don't think I'd do well in that kind of story.

Tazin: The kinda thing where I'd have to teach. I don't have that kind of fucking patience, are you fucking kidding me? I think I'd explode on them. Maybe even literally. (*He pauses, considering it... and grins darkly*) Actually, wait--I take it back. I want to try. (I want to tag in and say traditional horror/thriller. I think the degree to which he'd freak out or curse out the monster would be comical and/or break the immersion, haha.)

Mislav: I would not be able to participate in a talk show or be in the news. A talk show? (*scoff*) Regardless of the subject, it wouldn't take long for me to be driven mad by their endless talking and pretending they know everything. The news? Even worse. I think I'd snap their mic in half. And only because I'd be struggling not to snap other things. <.< (read: necks, limbs, etc.)

Are you confident in yourself?

Freya: Ha... no, not really. I act like I am, but... y'know, it's just that--an act.

Crow: What's not to be confident about? I'm the greatest, I've never made a mistake in my life, and every decision I make is the best one I possibly can! 😘

Valyarus: (*poised on a grand chair; sipping tea elegantly with one hand while the other hangs over the side of the armrest. A nail file magically hangs in the air and is filing his nails while he sips tea*) Hm? What did you say? Oh. (*chuckles*) Of course I'm confident in myself. My abilities, my character, my decisions--everything. 😉💅

Gene: Depends what you mean by "myself"... (*goes quiet, looks away, and debates*) ... I... I try my best to make the right decisions. The best ones... that I possibly can. I--as hard as it is to not question them, it's--it's not good to worry about past decisions. I do my best, and that's--that's all I can do. So... (*takes a deep breath, collecting his thoughts*) I'm not confident, but I try to be.

Tazin: (*snarls*) Of course I'm confident. I've gotten this far, haven't I? (*and slowly starting to smirk instead--*) I mean, look at me. (*leans back and gestures at himself with both hands*) I used to live on the streets with Gene. Now I have a girlfriend. People used to be terrified at my name--and they still would be if I didn't have to stop with the whole "Svarog" thing. (*oops, snarls again and leans in close; threateningly*) Look, I don't care what anyone else says, but Gene wasn't the only reason we were successful! He wouldn't have gotten anywhere without my strength, got it!?!? (Is actually less confident than he thinks he is--overcompensates for that by having convinced himself that he's the greatest. Hm... wonder if that fits the diagnosis criteria for anything?)

Mislav: Ha... not at all. (*swallows and looks down at his hands, fighting back tears*) I... one of these days, this curse is going to take over me. Will I even know when it does? Or will it be slow enough that I never even recognize that I've changed? I... (*looks back up at asker*) I worry, one of these days, I'll only know it when I've done something I can't come back from...

Your questions: - Same as the ones I answered!

Tagging (with no pressure) @yourpenpaldee @honeybewrites @fantasy-things-and-such @wyked-ao3 @the-golden-comet

@paeliae-occasionally @ath3alin @mysticstarlightduck @the-letterbox-archives + open tags!

Divider from @cafekitsune

[sins-of-the-sea]

Pops up at the mention of black witches.

"Darling, you don't do voodoo. Or Voudou or Hoodoo or whatnot. For one, you're Akan, not Fon or Ewe. Secondly, you're from Spanish-era Haiti, not Fre-"

"Quiet! They don't have to know that! Remember, I was a con artist first before I was an actual witch!

"Pulling bullshit schemes, be it sleight of hand or actual magic, is my bread and butter! Let me have my fun, even if it's Akan flavored."

[fresthered]

cheesed to meat you <- guy who's a little too obsessed with charcuterie boards greeting someone

[rainbowdaisy13]

Well, Taylor had Tree use The Sun and the DailyMail to "leak' the Ratty bullshit and it turned out to be %100 true, so it's entirely possible that the DailyMail "exclusive" from two days ago claiming that insiders confirmed to them Taylor is marrying her beard as soon as he retires seems like there's probably at least a 50/50 chance of it happening for real since Taylor has been having Tree go to trash tabloids like The Sun and DailyMail to "leak" things that she's going to do that nobody in her fandom really wants to happen for the last two years 🤷‍♀️

Wouldn't be surprised if Taylor at least tries to go through with a big public lavender wedding with Travis, she's probably fantasizing about doing it and Karlie showing up to dramatically stop it and steal her away and if that doesn't happen she'd just go through with the fake wedding and marriage just out of pure spite that what she wanted to happen didn't happen 🙄

https://archive.is/X6ndE

&

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-14750611/Taylor-Swift-Travis-Kelce-engaged-proposal-wedding.html

Thanks Anon 🫡

[sonicfantasyau]

Starting the blog off with some incorrect quotes

Knuckles, holding a kettle: Coffee or tea? Shadow: Tea. Knuckles: Wrong. It's coffee.

Shadow: Tommorrow's garbage day. Infinite: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

Rouge: What’s your biggest fear? Sonic: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone. Blaze: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back. Shadow: Zombies. Sonic: … Blaze: … Shadow: BUT they can open doors. Sonic: Hey, Silver you're smart, tell me what would happen if I chugged 3 gallons of chloroform. Silver: Have you ever been to a mortuary? Sonic: Yea, my grandma lives there. Tails: That is the worst response to that question. Knuckles: Do you want a drink? Shadow: I could go for some appy slices right now. Knuckles: With a little peanut butter to dip them in? Shadow: FUCKING OF COURSE I WANT PEANUT BUTTER KNUCKLES! Tails: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges. (He learned the words from Shadow)

Sonic, holding out a cookie for Amy: Look! This ones a heart, that’s how I feel about you! Amy: Ugly crying Sonic, holding out another cookie for Shadow: This ones like Michigan, that’s how I feel about you! Shadow, throwing their hands in the air: What does that mean?! Amy: No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much? Rouge: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is! Amy: Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!! Rouge: You take that back!!! Amy: No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end. Andressa: Croissants: dropped Rouge: Road: works ahead Amy: BBQ sauce: on my titties Blaze: Shavacado: fre Shadow: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead Infinite: Infinite: …I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Sonic: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn’t see their reflection? Andressa: I’ve never considered it but you’re really shining light on what’s probably a very serious issue. Infinite: I hate Shadow. Andressa: Don’t say hate. That is a mean word. Infinite: Fine, I LOATHE Shadow.

SHADOW X ANDRESSA (CONTAINS NSFW)

Andressa: Shadow, you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right? Shadow, naked in Andressa's bed: No, I absolutely do not. Andressa, already taking off their clothes: Fuck… Me neither.

Waiter: What would you like? Andressa: Bring a milkshake with two straws. Shadow: blushes Andressa: puts both straws in their mouth Watch how fast I can drink this!! Shadow: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things. Andressa: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

Shadow: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right? Andressa: Nope, there's 26. Shadow: Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T. Andressa: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one. Shadow: You'll get the D later ;).

Andressa: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles. Shadow: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one? Andressa: Seize the dick.

Andressa: Well, Shadow and I finally did it! The rest of the squad: gasps, shocked expressions, etc. Andressa: That's right… We kissed!

Shadow: Are you ready to commit? Andressa: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Shadow: You look good in that hoodie. Andressa: You know where else I'd look good? Shadow, zero hesitation: My bed. Andressa, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

[wishe-d-doll666]

The first night to remember…

Tobias Erin Rodgers. The famous serial killer known for committing mass arson and the murder of his father. He has not been found since he mysteriously vanished with no trace…

“S-Shu-Shit!” Toby cursed out, his Tourette’s getting the best of him. He carried his hatchet through the woods trying not to make sound as he thought the police were hot on his trail. Sometimes the hatchet would bounce off a root when he would occasionally drag it and cut his calf. He didn’t mind. He couldn’t even feel it. As he trudged through the woods looking for shelter he stepped on something odd. When he stepped on it, it clinked. Of course, he thought it was some sort of beer can or another piece of trash which wasn’t rare in his area. People throw trash in the street all the time. Sometimes even glass bottles, something reminiscent of his childhood. The first time he went on a walk with his sister. Toby was about 3 or 4 from his recollection and he wore the cutest little sandals. While he was walking, he fell in the ditch and cut his foot on a broken whiskey bottle. Lyra carried him back home and bandaged his wound. Oh, how he missed her… He refocused himself and kept walking. However, it was that same clinking noise. He looked down and realized he was walking on scrap metal. “S-Scrap m-muh…metal?” He whispered to himself, kicking some leaves off of it. It was an advertisement for a… pizzeria? Out here? There’s no way a pizzeria is back there! Right? Toby knows everything around here. He kept walking. He walked until he arrived in a parking lot. Looking up, he sees… The pizzeria. It had a bear on it and it said something like, “Freddy Fazbears Pizza.”

“F-Freddy… F-fuh… Fazbear?”

Toby stuttered and hunched over as a tic.

He goes up to the door and breaks the cracked glass. It didn’t matter if he got hurt; like I said, he couldn’t feel it. He has a rare condition called CIPA. Anyway, he walks into the building. It had a nostalgic smell, It’s like his father’s alcohol that spilled on the 3 week old pizza which was about to start growing mold. As he walks further in, it was filled with old arcade games and left behind tables, cups and silverware, and… A stage. He peeks behind the curtain and freezes.

“W-What… Wh-What are you?”

He pulls the curtain back, revealing 3 animatronics of a bear, bunny, and chicken. “Huh… Y-You must be-be Fr-Fre-Freddy, hm?” Toby asked as if the bear was a person as he chuckled softly, like he didn’t just set his neighborhood on fire, killing his father with the hatchet he carried. He turned his attention towards another, smaller curtain that says “Pirates Cove!” on it.

He moved the curtain back on Pirates cove and sees a fox animatronic, designed to look like a pirate.

“T-The ‘P-Puh… Pirate’s C-Cove’ really makes sen-sense now, heh…”

He chuckled again and went to explore more. Toby found his way to the back of the building, where the security guard should be. Yet, there was no security guard. No wonder he could just… break in. He turns on the computers and cameras. As he did, a VHS player starts, explaining the security guard job.

“D-Dammit. I’m-I’m not starting a job…”

Toby cussed out as he dropped his hatchet, watching the video anyways. It was only about 11 PM, so the, what the VHS called “night guard’s”, shift started in about an hour. He watched the video, bored out of his mind. He decided he’ll do it, out of pure boredom. Toby went to the locker, put the uniform on, and sat in front of the cameras. “D-Damn th-this limited power… B-Bullshit.” He snarled under his mask. He checked the first camera. The stage. “W-What?! Where’s the rabbit?!” He yelled and checked around, seeing it in the hallway. He peeked out the door, watched it walk closer as he hid inside, closing the door and checking the light. It stood there. Staring. “F-Fuck off… Y-You c-crackwhore r-ra…rabbit.” This bullshit of checking the cameras, closing and opening the doors, checking the animatronics kept on until 5 AM… Then, he checked the camera showing the Pirate Cove. The fox was about to start going down the hallway. Toby thought that fox will start walking like the others until he checked again. He looked at the hallway camera and the fox was running. It ran… He slammed the door closed and he could hear banging and scratching. Toby never got scared of… anything other than his dad. But this… this was different. The little alarm clock hit 6 AM and made this little bell noise. It was like, celebration music. He grabbed his axe, opened the door, and ran out. He held his axe like he is going to swing at anything coming in front of him. As he ran outside, he realized it was day out… He can’t go out with cops looking for him…

(Part 2??)

Suggested by @coquetteraccoon

[your-pal-nebula]

Adaluza Incorrect Quotes part two edition

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Adaluza: I'm drinking this monster. Past midnight.

Adaluza: I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight. I don't give a shit.

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Adaluza, in the middle of a library: ...FUCK SCHOOL! FUCK CLASS! FUCK ALL THIS BULLSHIT, WHAT THE FUCK!

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News Person: Folks were told to stay off roadways unless absolutely, positively necessary.

Adaluza: I wanted chicken wings

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Adaluza: Wait, what? You're not coming to my tea party? EMILY, I MADE BISCUTS!

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Adaluza: You know, back in my day, it wasn't so easy. I had to walk three miles, up a hill, both ways, just to fuck your boyfriend.

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Adaluza: Whenever I talk about milk, I always clarify "Not breastmilk." It's unnecessary and makes people uncomfortable

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Adaluza, surrounded by the corpses of various sinners: they couldn't handle my nonbinary bigender swag

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Adaluza: Get to del taco, they got a new thing called "Fre sh a vaca do-" FRE SH A VACA DO-

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Sera: Adaluza, could you read number 23 for the class?

Adaluza: No I cannot.

Adaluza: What's up, I'm Adaluza Guitarspear, I'm 23, and I never fugging learned how to read

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Adaluza: DON'T FUCK WITH ME! I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Adaluza, opening presents (when she was a baby): It's an avacado! Thanks!!!!!!

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[fatass-adam]

munday: 14, 16, 18

14. How long have you been roleplaying?

UH...good question XD I started back in uh...2014 I think?? YEAH because my first ever Tumblr RP account was @morelikemikeshitamiright (which I'll be honest is HILARIOUS that it's still there...I abandoned it YEARS ago). Then for a while I mostly had ask accounts, I RPed as Scout from TF2 a bit too but not A LOT so I wouldn't really count those as RP years. I didn't really get RP heavy until I was @gottalovearickinuniform (which is still KINDA there??) and the MANY MANY sideblogs attached to it (I think I was up to like 11 Ricks, a Morty, and even a Mr. Meeseeks). Then I kinda went inactive again with until I was my Team Skull grunt character and-

TL;DR: I don't really know tbh XD But if you wanna count backwards and insist that my on and offs still count then uh...roughly 10 years??

And I was doing shitty half-assed RPs on Deviantart before that so maybe even longer if that counts lol *casually wonders if my Adventure Time OC RP/ask account is still kickin around on there*

16. What is your favorite band/music genre?

BOY HOWDY IS THIS GONNA BE A LONG ANSWER-

In short: My fav bands are Mindless Self Indulgence and Ghost (sometimes referred to as Ghost B.C. due to copyright issues in America when they first started) and they sound nothing alike and love them for completely different reasons XD I can't really rule one as my "top fav" over the other tbh because they switch around a lot depending on my mood (though I can always go into horny details on why I love each of them on another post). Other favs include My Chemical Romance, Bloodhound Gang, Fall Out Boy, Misfits, The Offspring, MC Chris, Alice Cooper, and Priest (and that's just off the top of my head ngl)

In long: I LISTEN TO EVERYTHING. Yes, everything. Some smartass probably "OH even polka??" YES FUCKER AND NOT JUST WEIRD AL. I have like...weird Mongolian throat singing metal bullshit saved on my YouTube. Some of my usual genres are cyberpunk, darksynth, dark disco, horrorsynth, sexwave, dungeonsynth, synthwave, vaporwave, citypop, future funk, and...well okay I listen to a LOT of shit XD

Basically I'd probably need a whole new post to go into depth on this one!

18. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?

I'm gonna break this into two categories because I kinda feel like it's two different ball games XD

First of all, if it's outside of the US then I'd say Japan, specifically Tokyo and places that area. I KNOW THAT'S SO WEEABOO BASIC BITCH XD But nah I'm actually really invested in the cool technology and shit they have there, the cyberpunkish aesthetics of their architecture, and even some of their customs and cultures! Like they really got it goin on over there, everything runs like a well oiled machine and people are so much more polite and everything it seems (though I'm kinda scared they probably don't like Americans because...well, we're actually pretty horrible lol). Plus they have all the cool toys, games, restaurants, experiences, and even the better theme parks! Everything is just so over the top and beautifully done and honestly I'm a bit jealous we can't have nice things like that XD

Meanwhile in the US or just North America in general there are a TON of places I'd visit for one reason or another! I'm very very into roadside America and love tourist traps and other such attractions! They're actually a pretty heavy special interest for me lol. UH but I'll list some of my main wants!

The House on the Rock in Wyoming, WI (which is literally 2-3 hours from us we just haven't had the chance to go yet lol...but to be fair I've been wanting to visit it since I lived in KY!)

Edwards, CA so I can participate in Wasteland Weekend and Neotropolis lol

Also Burbank, CA for a very fucking specific area where there's year 'round Halloween stores, horror museums/experiences, and gothic culture specialty shops lmao-

Las Vegas, NV for SEVERAL reasons but I'm really invested in what goes on in Fremont Street and love watching live videos of people wandering around there on YouTube like a creep XD

Actually, speaking of Las Vegas, I'm SO DETERMINED (like fuckin hellbent yo) to go to Omega Mart in Area 15 as well as the other experiences offered there!!

The Clown Motel in Tonopah, NV (yes that Clown Motel)

Honestly?? The Extraterrestrial Highway (aka Route 318) famous for being the road to Area 51, though it has other cool stops such as Little A'Le'Inn, Alien Research Center, and my personal fav The Black Mailbox (if it's there...sometimes it gets stolen and they have to replace it lol)

And speaking of aliens, Roswell NM is a must lol

Oh, and Alien Cathouse Brothel in Amargosa Valley, NV...yes it is a very real legal brothel that plays on "probing" fantasies among other things XD Yes I will pay to get probed by an alien hooker don't @ me (also note I use "hooker" jokingly, I know they're "sex workers" because I'm one too lol...just on a lesser level XD)

TL;DR: Please just throw me in the desert somewhere around CA, NV, NM, and a little of TX lmao

I think that'll about do it! Hopefully I didn't chat too much-