#gin does random rant

[gin-astro]

I have no words 😭😭😭

@tuxibirdie SORRY

[gin-astro]

YESSSS THE ANTHEM, RISE RISE MY BEAUTIFUL, SPREAD YOUR CURSED WINGS AND DON'T GIVE THE BLEACH OUT

@gin-astro

[specialistpinky]

「 ✦ gin & tonic ✦ 」

18+ ONLY MDNI

previous episode

summary: roommates tend to suck; not as much as this one does, though.

wc: 4.1k

buffed up like a jock, geeked up like a nerd bitch, i'm fly like a bird, i'm the shit like a turd

—NEW YEAR, SAME TRON by BABYTRON

dealing with random roommates has never been complicated for me. they usually keep to themselves or we become acquainted and keep in contact for emergencies or school-related things. it never goes past that.

i only dorm because it's convenient. my hometown is three hours away from the school, so commuting isn't a viable option. i also prefer not to live with my sperm donor and that hellspawn he calls a fiancée any longer than i already have.

i would've moved out and taken my brother with me ages ago had it not been for the awful job market and shit paychecks and i plan to move far, far away whenever i start my own law firm, but until then, i make do.

like i said, i don't usually mind having roommates—until today because this girl is a complete 180 from what i'm used to. she's loud, abrasive, vain, and completely inconsiderate of others. okay, well, i don't have evidence for that last part, but i will in due time.

she's been pissing me off since i opened the door. at first, i thought she might've been my new roommate’s girlfriend or a newbie asking for directions, but then she showed me her assignment letter.

man, i can't believe they stuck me with a chick! i mean, i don't care that she's a girl, but isn't there some kind of code when it comes to mixing guys and girls in dorms? maybe i shouldn't be surprised that housing messed this up considering how often they screw up my financial aid every year.

god, it's not even noon, and i'm already stressed out about shit that should have no bearing on my life.

i ponder my options with my hands in my head and elbows planted on my knees. i could contact the housing director, tell them i need a room or roommate swap. they'll put it in motion, and everything will be fine. right?

"hey, big bro! why you sittin' over there sulking? come join us!" Yuji yells, even though i'm only ten feet away.

i have the urge to scream as loud as possible, but instead, i breathe and stay put. i really don't feel like interacting with her more than i already have, so i refuse to do so.

"yeah, come join us," her voice chirps in, her tone almost teasing. i can practically hear the smirk on her face.

i lie down on the couch, groaning and keeping my hands over my face before they're pulled off to see Yuji beaming like the sun through the window, which are both obscuring my vision right now.

"sorry, big bro, you leave me no choice! get your ass up and say hi to Flo or i’ll do it for you!" he demands, grabbing my wrist and attempting to haul me up. he pulls a few times, grunting and using all of his effort but to no avail.

i look at him and blink. "who's Flo?"

he stops pulling on my arm and gasps, his mouth agape. "you don't know Flo?!" he shouts, waving his arms in the air frantically. "how do you not know your own roommate???"

i roll over onto my stomach, laying my head on my folded arms and shrugging. so that's her name, i think. can't say that's useless information, but i don’t see how it’s particularly important. didn’t find it important when i opened the door, and i don’t now.

Yuji squats down and starts rambling in my ear, gesturing wildly and shouting with excitement, "dude, Flo is so cool, big bro! she’s named after an Olympic runner from the 80s, which is funny because she tried running track in high school, but it didn't work out, so me and her are gonna train together! i'm gonna teach her how to run properly, and she said she'll help me with my homework and teach me how to drive—"

"yep, mm-hmm. sounds good, baby bro," i groan into my arms, closing my eyes, trying to recalibrate as my little brother blows my eardrum out. he continues ranting, unaware of the fact that i tuned him out as soon as he started talking. it’s unfortunate because i lack the energy and the heart to tell him to quiet down.

i love Yuji dearly. i think his passionate ramblings are entertaining and endearing. however, sometimes (most of the time), he doesn't know when to stop. probably because i enable him, so i have to be soft with him.

"hey, baby bro, do me a favor and—"

he cuts me off, finishing what i was gonna say, "inside voice. sorry, i was yelling again, wasn’t i?"

i nod, my eyes still closed and my head still planted on my arms. i let the silence surround me and bask in it.

of course, Yuji interrupts that as he pulls on my ankles, trying to drag me off the couch. i don't react, letting him tug until he gives up and lets go.

"damn it!" he heaves. "all of those exercise tapes and jiu-jitsu classes should've made me stronger by now. what the hell do you eat in a day, big bro?"

i shrug. "nothing that’ll make you bigger than me, baby bro."

"man, i know that! still worth trying, though,” he declares. he grabs my ankles a second time and pulls harder, but i only move about an inch off the couch. he lets go and huffs.

“fine, don't join us. guess you don't wanna hear how Flo used to be my camp counselor."

again, i say nothing to that, burying my face into the couch cushions but still eavesdropping on their conversation.

"dude, i can't believe you're here, Flo! you were literally my favorite camp counselor!"

"i can't believe you're my roommate's little brother. small world, isn't it?"

"it really is. you know, i miss that camp; some of the best times of my life. did you keep working there after i left?"

"yeah, i did, but i quit after i graduated high school. i miss it sometimes, too. we always had a blast together, didn't we, YuYu?"

"YuYu?" Yuji and i say simultaneously with drastically different reactions.

i sit up and look over the couch while Yuji laughs so hard he tips his chair over and falls to the floor. i glare at my roommate, suspicious as to where she got that nickname from and how she even knows Yuji well enough to use such a name.

she stares back at me and raises her hands in defense. "what? what i do?" she feigns her innocence half-giggling.

"Cho, cool it with the look! you're gonna scare her away!"

i look at Yuji still lying on the floor, clutching his stomach and chortling his little heart. it almost brings a smile to my face seeing my baby brother so tickled— almost.

my roommate grins. "yeah, i used to call him YuYu. we bonded over YuYu Hakusho the first summer i had him. i didn't even remember his actual name 'til now. i would call him Itadori, and he’d throw a fit every time, so we settled on YuYu like the show."

she leans over and looks at my brother sprawled out on the floor still. "'member that, YuYu?"

i certainly remember. Yuji was obsessed with that show for years, even after the show ended. i would record reruns on tape for him, buy him toys of the characters with my allowance, and teach him how to collect the manga. good times, those were.

but now i have an answer as to why Yuji wanted me to call him YuYu besides the show.

"yeah, i remember. dude, your first impression of me was me shouting 'spirit gun!' and pretending to shoot her with my fingers," he says, imitating the main character. he groans, pressing the ball of his wrists to his eyes before slowly picking himself and the chair up off the floor. "man, i was uber uncool back then."

i frown at his assertion and retort with mock offense, "you're calling me uncool for supporting you, then?"

Yuji nearly faceplants running over to me and almost knocks me to the ground, launching his body onto mine for a hug. he squeezes me, rubbing my back frantically to soothe me. "no, no way, big bro! you were super duper cool for helping me. never think you weren’t."

“i appreciate that, baby bro,” i say, pulling out of our embrace before flicking his forehead.

"ow!" he winces, rubbing the sore spot. "what was that for?"

"for talking about yourself like that," i scold. "you know better than to talk down on yourself, especially around me."

he pouts, muttering, "yes, big bro."

i hear Flo snickering and almost shoot her another stare, but Yuji wouldn't like that, so i refrain. plus, Yuji had a point: my look can scare people away. i'm already a tall, lanky, tatted goth; i don't think giving my roommate the crazy eye wouldn't keep the peace very well.

she didn't seem bothered earlier, though. 

"wow, you've got such a good big brother, Yuji," Flo comments. she smiles, glancing over to me. "a very caring brother at that."

"speaking of a caring big bro," Yuji begins, slowly inching his way out of my personal space with a mischievous look, his hands clasped behind his back as he rocks on the balls of his feet. "about your car..."

"no, Yuji," i immediately shut him down. "you can't drive my car."

"why not?" he whines, drawing out his words. "dad won't take me, and i'm only going to Yukon Lake for the senior trip, and it's not far."

"doesn't matter, Yuji. you don’t have your license yet. if you get pulled over, i won’t be able to help you. plus, i need my car to get to work and back. if anything, i can just take you and Suguru can pick you up."

my brother throws his hands up, groaning, "fine! i gotta go, anyway. i got a track meet soon."

he pulls me into another quick hug. i give him a forehead kiss and ruffle his hair before we part. "bye, baby bro. call me or come by if you need anything else."

"like money for the senior trip?" he asks with a lilt and a wide grin.

i chuckle, "we'll see about that."

he sucks his teeth, spinning on his heel in mock disappointment. "man, you suck, big bro."

“love you, baby brother.”

Yuji walks over to Flo and hugs her. "i was good to see you again," he chirps.

"good to see you too, YuYu," she replies. "let me know when your next track meet is. i wanna watch you race."

"will do!"

Yuji gathers his stuff and salutes us as he heads out the door. "bye, Flo! love you, big bro! see you later!"

he slams the door behind him hard, making my ears ring from the aftersound. that kid needs to lay off the protein powder.

"so, camp counselor, huh?" i ask, giving my roommate a small smirk.

Flo scoffs, "yeah, we don't talk about those times. but, wow, you being YuYu's brother? never would've guessed."

i cock an eyebrow at her. "what's that supposed to mean?"

she shrugs. "nothing. just didn't expect it," she giggles. "y'all are total opposites."

i nod in agreement. "we are definitely complete opposites."

Flo stands up and goes into the fridge. "it's cute, though," she says, pulling out another drink and closing the door with her hip. "it's like Dexter and Dee Dee. he's the hyper, social sibling that always messes with you, and you're the stoic, serious one who doesn't want to be bothered."

she walks over to the couch and plops down next to me. i raise an eyebrow then quickly put it down. i guess her sitting next to me is tolerable when she's not badgering me.

"so, mr. stick-up-the-ass, what's your major?" she asks.

i ignore her attempted insult and reply, "criminal justice. planning on being a prosecutor then a judge."

"oh, wow! totally did not expect from you."

i squint at her. "you're profiling me pretty hard today, huh?"

she smirks, looking ahead of her. "i'm just saying i didn't think you'd be here for criminal justice. i got like, STEM major vibes from you."

i scratch my head. "what the hell is STEM?"

she turns and gives me a look of disbelief. "you don't know what STEM is? seriously?" she laughs. "it stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics."

i huff out of my nose, wondering where she got the idea that i was studying any of those boring ass things. "nah, not me. maybe science and math here and there, but other than that, no. that shit's for dorks."

"hey!"

i snort, ducking my head down so that she won't notice. i didn't think that comment would strike a nerve in her of all people, but that was too presumptuous of me.

"math is so not for dorks! it's super important for daily things and jobs. you have to know basic math to be a cashier," she argues defensively.

"mm-hmm," i hum, a few snorts escaping my nose. "very important. imperative, even."

she tuts, shaking her head. "you think it's funny, but wait 'til you need to calculate statistics or analyze data sets."

i throw my hands up and give up on hiding my laughter. "okay, princess, you got me there," i say, grinning cheekily as her face screws up in irritation.

"you must be one of those STEM dorks then," i say, huffing another laugh and reaching for the remote on the table. i'm sure i can watch a little Jeopardy before i leave for work in a few hours.

unfortunately, i'm met with a space where the remote was. i fumble around, looking down and seeing my hand touch nothing but wood. i look up at the tv to see the channel already changed. i sit there frozen for a moment. i slowly look to my right.

flipping through channels and shrugging with a nonchalant smile, Flo says, "sorry, buddy, wanna watch my soaps 'fore i leave."

i sit back and retract my hand, letting it drop into my lap. my jaw clenches. "i wanted to watch Jeopardy," i mumble.

she reclines, crossing her feet on top of the coffee table. "dude trippin' on me for defending math, but this fuckin' guy wanna pout about Jeopardy? tuh! okay, dude. fuckin' major dweeb alert over here," she says to no one in particular, jabbing her thumb in my direction.

i don't even dignify that with a response. i stuff my hands in my pockets and close my eyes to calm myself. i can feel something spiraling inside, some mental upset for my routine being rudely interrupted by a bratty woman with little regard for her insolence affecting others.

okay, maybe that's a bit much to hold a candle to that statement right now. however! i don't plan on taking that back until i'm proven wrong.

"yes, it's on!"

i open one eye to see what she put on; Desperate Housewives, i gather from the title screen. ew, not even my mom would watch this obscenely stupid shit.

sick of the television assaulting my eyes, i look over at Flo, taking in her figure. her crossed legs accentuate her plush, dimpled thighs. her manicured nails make her hands look dainty. her hair runs past her shoulders down and her bangs stick to her forehead, covering up part of her face. she's wearing a red color on her lips with a dark outline on them; that makes the mole under her nose stand out more.

she may be an obnoxious brat with an attitude problem, but she has an unorthodox charm about her—an allure that makes me unnaturally curious and churns my stomach. it's an unfamiliar, nauseating feeling, but i can't say i mind it while i'm looking at her.

let's look away before she notices, i think, blankly looking at the wall behind the television and letting my mind drift to other things.

"ahem!"

i slowly turn to Flo with a raised eyebrow. "need something?" i ask.

"why you still here? don't you have like, work to go to or somethin'?" she waves me off dismissively.

i suck my teeth, but unfortunately, she's right. i get up and head for the shower to leave her alone.

on the one hand, i sorta understand since she's locked out of her room for now. hopefully, her friend comes and they leave while i'm getting ready, giving me time to do what i want before work.

this is gonna be a long semester, i sigh internally, trudging to the bathroom and shutting the door behind me.

steam trails behind me as i exit the bathroom, drying my hair with a towel and wearing another around my waist. i sigh in relief, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. nothing like a good shower to wake you up.

i stand in front of the hallway sinks, looking in the mirror for a moment, admiring my physique. i'm not particularly self-conscious, but i wouldn't say i'm vain, either. i do like to see my reflection just to check what's going on and glance over what other people can see.

i rake a hand through my damp hair, taking notice of its length. i've been trying to grow it out, and progress is decent so far. i can put my hair into even spiky buns as opposed to a few months ago.

i smirk at my reflection, throwing a playful wink before brushing my teeth.

"man, what the fuck was that?"

i stop to listen for a second. is that Flo talking? who is she talking to?

being the nosy little shit i am, i walk into the living room, still brushing.

her back is facing me, but she isn't moving whatsoever, as if she hadn't just yelled at the top of her lungs just now. she looks invested—hooked even. it's almost creepy how quiet and still she is while watching this horrid shit, though her dedication is admirable.

i switch between watching the show and watching Flo react to it for a while.

i try to follow the plot but find myself lost every five minutes, so i look at Flo. she becomes expressive any time something happens, clapping her hands as she cackles or jumping out of her seat and screaming at the screen. i can't lie, she's not entertaining me more than the show because, admittedly, the show bores me, but her reactions make it bearable.

she lets out a gasp and yells, gesturing angrily, "bitch, fuck you just standing there lookin' stupid for? say something!"

she kisses her teeth and throws her hands up dramatically, rolling her eyes and flopping back against the couch. i chuckle, my shoulders shaking. she's a real killer one-woman act.

"what's so funny, emo boy?"

i shift my gaze to my roommate. she still has her back to me, so i walk over to the kitchen sink and stick my head under the faucet to catch the water.

i rinse the toothpaste out my mouth and laugh between words as i say, "you."

"what about me?"

i catch more water and rinse my mouth out again before turning back to her, leaning my arms on the counter. "the way you're acting watching this shit. it's just funny."

"mm hmm," she hums, still not looking over at me. "sure."

i smirk, tempted to tease her more, but continue brushing my teeth. she's got a real bite to her, that one. it might be starting to grow on me.

knock, knock, knock, knock!

her face quickly lights up as she shouts, "i hope that's my bestie!"

a boisterous, muffled voice responds from the other side of the door, "you already know who it is, bitch!"

my roommate squeals and hops off the couch, sprinting to the door and flinging it open. more squealing happens. i dart my stare between the girls embracing and jumping around and screaming about how much they missed each other. i'm mildly annoyed at how loud they are.

"oh my god, i was so lonely without you here," the other girl says, fake-sobbing on Flo's shoulder.

Flo chuckles, patting her friend's back. "i know, babe. you're like, my only friend right now, so i was super duper lonely without you, too," she replies. the girls pull away and smile at each other.

Flo's friend then asks, "now, where is this roommate of yours? i'm tryna meet him."

"oh, he's right behind..."

Flo trails off. i pay no attention to it, rinsing my mouth out for the last time. as i look up at them, i see that their eyes are already on me. Flo's face morphs into one of shock then into disgust while the other girl's face morphs into lust.

i cock an eyebrow, confused and left clueless as to why they're staring so hard, especially with two entirely different expressions.

i notice their gazes are pointed down, so i follow, and—suddenly, i remember where i am and what i'm wearing (or rather, what i'm not wearing).

two girls are gawking at me wearing only a towel around my lower half. fuck.

i freeze, my face burning red before i finally move my ass and book it to my room.

i close my door a little too hard, pressing my back against it. i lock the door just for good measure. i sigh in relief, my face still heated from that little mishap. i pull out my uniform and start getting dressed for work.

as i dress, i press my ear to the door a few times, see if they're talking about me. i can barely hear what they're saying, but i make out a couple of phrases: "sexy as fuck," "stupid asshole," and "riding that pony." that last doesn't make much sense, but i can put two and two together.

after i'm fully clothed and presentable, i walk back out, work bag slung over my shoulder.

the girls turn to me again, Flo standing with crossed arms and pinched brows while her friend blatantly runs her eyes up and down my body. i avoid them, trying not to show my embarrassment by keeping a straight face.

the friend tilts her head and says, "Flo, i think you should officially introduce me to your roommate."

Flo huffs, clearly aggravated, "okay, whatever." she points to one of us as she introduces us to each other. "Kiki, this is Choso. Choso, Kiki."

"hmm, Choso, huh?" the friend asks, batting her dramatic eyelashes. Flo immediately hits her on the shoulder and whispers, "cut that the fuck out!"

"Choso Kamo," i repeat, reaching out for a handshake. the girl clears her throat and accepts it with a firm grip. "Kian'e Thompson. i go by Kiki." she throws a wink in an attempt to be seductive; unsurprisingly, it does not affect me, only giving her a polite smile before letting her hand go.

my gaze lingers on my roommate. i note her defensive stance: crossed arms, jutted hip, tapping foot. she's practically burning holes into the side of her friend's face, too. i can tell she wants to scold Kiki and stop any advances toward me (unsuccessfully, might i add). she seems weirdly bothered by it. maybe i'm reading too much into things.

i slink away to the kitchen. i start looking in the fridge, taking note of what i'm out of. i know we have no more soda, so i should stop by Kmart and get some more after work.

"what'd you want for lunch, Kiki? cuz i'm hungry as fuck."

"i'on even know, man. i was lookin' forward to those brunch platters at Stacie's, but i can't pay that."

i see an old Chinese food carton in the back. that can't be any good now. i take that out and set it on the counter to throw away. guess i'm cleaning out the fridge while i try to find anything edible to bring for lunch.

as i'm looking and cleaning, i hear the pair whispering to each other. Kiki not-so-subtly says to Flo, "you gon' snitch on me if i get his digits?"

i hear Flo land another smack on her friend's arm. "girl, what the fuck? yes, i absolutely will snitch on you. also, he can hear you, dumbass."

you're not so quiet yourself, i think.

"man, like i give a fuck! you betta get at him 'fore i throw some—!"

"o-kay, we're gonna go now. be back whenever!" Flo says in a rushed tone, pulling Kiki by the arm out of the dorm room. they argue under their breaths as the door closes behind them.

i take a long look at the door before letting out a deep sigh. i close the fridge, grab my keys off of the front door hook, and head out for work.

next episode

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

Happy father's day to the worst dad ever :3

Random rants and stories about Gin below the cut:

Haaaai @semifontos o/////

anyways

So Gin used to work for the Federation, not particularly high ranking but not cannon fodder most of the time. His main role was the mindless drone of a desk job, with the occasional mission to visit islanders on isla horchata. During one of those missions, he disobeyed direct orders to abandon his group and instead rescued them all, getting severely hurt in the process (i think it was some kind of bomb? Most of his wounds were definitely from shrapnel.) He was discharged from the Federation until further notice, his punishment being taking care of an egg alongside 3 new islanders.

Gin's injuries took out the function in his left (our right) eye, he can barely see anything out of it. His shoulder hurts sometimes from the shrapnel and his leg is pretty weak now. He can put pressure on it for a little bit but too long and it begins to spasm and hurt like hell.

He kinda.... deteriorated after losing his job. His entire life has been The Federation, so he doesn't really know what to do without it. He loses weight, struggles with depression and anger, hes just kinda. a shell of a person. The constant reminder of his sacrifice failure literally marred into his skin.

He.... really doesn't like Tequilla at first. The kid is CLINGY, and Gin wants nothing to do with him. He's supposed to be a PUNISHMENT. He's not outright mean to the kid (TQ's moms will give him a respawn if he is) but he doesn't play along, yk? Plus TQ keeps making pirate noises at him and its REALLY getting on his nerves.

Despite the fact he really doesn't care about anyone in the nook (which, side detail, he's the only parent in the nook with a locked bedroom door), he does develop relations with everyone. Belladonna sometimes takes care of his hair. Aurelia helps with research. Doll helps him manage his pain and takes him to bed when he overindulges sometimes. They all hate each other but man will they die for each other. I actually think that they made his cane for him early on, since all he had before was the Federation issued plastic one.

So tldr, Gin is kind of just. a depressed dude who doesn't want to make relations and tries to not get attached to anyone. Dude's disassociating.

Buuut things kinda change when Tequilla gets his first death.

They were all in a dungeon together for an egg quest. I imagine this takes place a couple months after they get TQ, so he is still pretty young. through a sequence of unfortunate events, Gin is the only one nearby when Tequilla gets downed by a monster (blow to his head, right where his horn was meant to grow in.) And he uh. He didn't get him up quick enough. Gin was the one to watch this kid die.

WHICH FINALLY GETS IT INTO HIS THICK HEAD THAT HE CARES ABOUT THIS KID.

That is DOUBLED when DNC arrives at the nook with the recently respawned TQ in tow (Eggs can't respawn on their own and must be taken to the Federation.), now with one less life, and TQ looked up at his papa and said they they match now.

Gin gives TQ his dagger for (short range) self defense, to make sure this never happens again.

Gin was the one to carry his son back to the Federation, and beg for him to return.

Now though? almost a year after his death? Gin is an office drone again. He won't let himself think or grieve or act. He just Works. He follows orders. He works.

And that's exactly what the Federation was hoping for.

anywaaaaays lemme know if you want to know anything else about him ♥️♥️♥️

[beanieman]

how would the cast react to their blorbo losing in a tumblr character poll

Sara Chidouin - She makes her own character poll to give them another chance. She tries to be fair and remain unbiased, but very clearly wants them to win.

Joe Tazuna - He's crushed because he texted all his friends and asked them to vote for his blorbo. Now he has to be the one to break the news that they lost.

Gin Ibushi - Gin reblogs the post with an essay on everything he knows about his blorbo and why the should have won. This is a major outrage to him.

Keiji Shinogi - He's not surprised they lost. He's so filled with crushing self loathing that he assumes any character he likes isn't deserving of winning.

More Undercut

Alice Yabusame - He's so outraged that he sends an ask to the blog running the poll. It's a LONG rant about why his character should have won and everyone who voted for something else is a fool. This is followed by him making random irritated vague posts about the poll results for the next few months.

Reko Yabusame - Reko is slightly upset, but accepts the results without further incident and is happy for the people who prefer the winner.

Nao Egokoro - Nao goes through the five stages of grief. She refuses to accept it at first, then she gets frustrated on her blorbo's behalf, then she ponders if the poll was rigged, then she's upset that other people don't get to experience the same joy from the character she does, then after a moment she calms down enough to accept the results.

Kazumi Mishima - Mishima considers getting into the media that won the poll. If it's beloved by so many it most be worth reading/watching/playing and experiencing for himself.

Q-taro Burgerberg - He believes in fair play so he'd accept the results even if he didn't agree with them.

Kai Satou - He's surprised that they lost, but otherwise doesn't let it concern him.

Kanna Kizuchi - She feels disappointed, but doesn't interact with the post further.

Shin Tsukimi - He makes two vague posts. One about how he believes a certain character poll on Tumblr was rigged, and a second on why his blorbo is clearly better then the other blorbo.

Dolls

Ranmaru Kageyama - He thinks something self deprecating like "Nothing ever goes my way." and then moves on with his life.

Naomichi Kurumada - He gets irritated and then goes about his day. However, he randomly thinks about it for the next 24 hours and gets annoyed all over again.

Anzu Kinashi - She decides to make her own post about how cool her blorbo is and gets so overenthusiastic that she accidentally doxes herself.

Mai Tsurugi - Mai made a ton of propaganda posts for her blorbo so she's really disappointed. Next time she's resolved to make even better propaganda posts so their win is guaranteed!

Shunsuke Hayasaka - This man's work has killed him so deeply emotionally that he can't muster up the energy to care.

Hinako Mishuku - She scoffs at the results but doesn't do anything else.

[onebizarrekai]

random rant about ranmaru under the cut because I spent the entirety of yesterday thinking about him

yttd 3b spoilers

I’m gonna fight. the more I think back on what they did with ranmaru the more it looks like they were trying to dispose of him

like. seriously?? they killed him off during the trial without a second thought and didn’t even make it an option to save him?? I thought he was gonna be the new bastard because sou has the brain cell now

it’s almost like they made him go rogue in order to make the player not like him and not miss him when he dies but it literally had the opposite effect. he’s interesting now and they just weeded him out without a second thought or word, even though he was almost a main character during the whole of chapter 3 since he was hanging out with sara the whole time. he was part of a darker part of sara’s character arc and they just…… threw him out

those two had a really compelling dynamic especially because sara and ranmaru seriously had this brains-in-sync moment that encouraged ranmaru to make bad decisions

they were tied by a string of fate and EVERYTHING and they didn’t even make his death meaningful at all. and it’s not like they killed every single doll either, they decided to give a handful of them the chance to survive and none of them were, y’know, the guy the mc spent the whole chapter with and got attached to

and because they threw him aside like that, some players are calling him a disposable trope aka a yandere, because for some reason, his desire to survive, affection for sara and bad ideas are not worth exploring or taking seriously

in all honesty they barely made ANY of the doll deaths meaningful during the russian roulette game. they just went “all right gotta save gin” (which is understandable but still) and didn’t emote at all besides minor displeasure at killing their new friends that they just spent the WHOLE chapter gaining affection for and learning to team up with

and like yes. it’s true all of the dolls were dead people, but look me straight in the eye and tell me why the doll you’re supposed to care about the most  narrative-wise (besides mai) is a locked death that didn’t even get any attention drawn to it

you didn’t even get to see how sara felt about it. she just went “uh oh! ranmaru betrayed us! what a nutcase” and then kinda wiggled away until ranmaru died in the trial EVEN THOUGH ranmaru was literally becoming her friend before he went off the rails.

it’s like nothing in the chapter happened, it’s like none of them went through a rigorous electric shock minigame in order to save his life

I’d almost say that this is a showcase of how apathetic sara can be when she’s been turned against, but she didn’t have anything to say about it

like why does the stupid glasses guy get surviving rights. like for mai and kurumada it KIND OF made sense because mai got character development and kurumada kinda did too and he also almost died and they charged him and all, but glasses guy? and not ranmaru, who also got character development like the other two? there were 3 dolls that got development basically and one of them got offhandedly killed while being replaced by some rando who got zero development that I can’t even remember the name of.

I mean like I guess gin needs someone to look after him since qtaro died but also am I really gonna take a rando over a fave who MIGHT have the capacity to have some sense talked into him? or hell, even an interesting impact on the story.

dude. I want to see sara juggling not one but two bastards. I want to see sou and ranmaru not getting along. I want to see ranmaru being a wannabe problem but because he’s such a twig he just gets suplexed immediately by keiji. sara gin keiji sou and ranmaru really sounds like a terrible dream team to me

unless of course ranmaru gets brought back as a floor master since midori got wasted ahhahahaha that thought just crossed my mind very quickly

but also it’s very unlikely that they would do that. and it would also be stupid because it would require them to rewrite him into being a floor master and change him entirely. not to mention they could bring midori back at any time since he’s a doll (though there’s no saying they will)

anyway long story short ranmaru was a striking opportunity to develop sara some more in terms of her darker parts but if the way that they handled him is encouraging people to throw him under the bus, is everything really fine and dandy

I’m not even saying he should be a locked survivor (considering that he is very dead and his doll body probably isn’t permanent) I’m just saying he should be taken seriously and maybe even have a chance of living after the russian roulette part rather than just being cast aside

.

this is an unrelated question as well but sou’s 0% survival rate goes unanswered. midori said that everyone was set up to be given an evened out chance of survival but sou still ended up with nothing, somehow. we also don’t really have a team-antagonist either because sou mellowed out so much, despite his burning hatred for sara for making him survive instead of kanna (I guess he met midori again and then backed way down, but that doesn’t change the fact that sou spent the first 2 chapters being an antagonist and even tells the player about majority votes at the very beginning)

I kinda thought that ranmaru was going to replace him just a little even if ranmaru is an impulsive idiot who doesn’t know what he’s doing but that didn’t happen

OH YEAH. speaking of which I know we’re only halfway through chapter 3, which is probably why majority votes haven’t come up again, but doesn’t it seem awfully strange that the deciding factor of who survives in the russian roulette game was rigged, pre-programmed luck?

maybe ranmaru’s desire to win by teaming up with sara and killing everyone was just breaking the system too much

[thecursedhellblazer-arc]

{ @thedemonconstantine​​ }

(( In response to your meme, yet another set of idiocy by our fave pair of twats! x’D So, “when pigs fly...” ))

...And When Hell Freezes Over

John x Demon John

Who said “I love you” first John, even if never openly or explicitly. He keeps stumbling over such declarations every time they are having a really good time or whenever he is trying to convince the Copy that he is worth. Of being his own person and of being appreciated as such, of choosing what he likes and what he doesn’t, of being allowed to decide what to do with his life and with himself. The demon too has moments where he seems to imply, but it’s even less clear than John’s almost slips. In any case, they never acknowledged or mentioned the few times the words had got a bit too close to be spoken or a bit too clear to be denied. Doomed indeed.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background Neither. Despite John’s and Chas’s efforts to make him keep one, the Copy keeps either losing or breaking the phones they get him, so it’s safe to say that he doesn’t have a phone. John does, even if he too has trouble with keeping it intact, but he doesn’t really bother with background pictures. Considering how little he uses said phone, he wouldn’t look at them in any case.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror The Copy seems to have a preference for using the bathroom mirror to leave his messages (also because of the aforementioned incredibly long amount of time he spends in front of him). John has made the habit of checking it before heading out, because at times the demon writes things on it (and casts a spell so that the fog stays there till someone cleans it) instead of telling him in person. The magician prefers sticking notes on the fridge or, even better, on pieces of papers he glues to beer or gin bottles. Those have the best chances of being found.

Who buys the other cheesy gifts “Buying” and “cheesy” aren’t the right terms to define said gifts, but usually it’s John who shows up bearing presents (or, as the Copy prefers to call them, some of his “weird shite”). They are stolen or found most of the times and the only thing that can be considered cheesy in them is that John gets them with the explicit purpose of gifting them to his demon. Even though, most of the times, he denies it. Just as he would never admit that he is a bit disappointed about the fact that his gesture is almost never returned.

Who initiated the first kiss That’s very much up to interpretation, especially since it’s still unclear to them both if said first kiss had been supposed to be such in the first place. They had moved from trying to beat each other black and blue to tearing each other clothes off in the matter of a few, long, confused seconds. The kiss, or the headbutt or the bite or the attempt to eat each other’s face or whatever it was supposed to be, happened at some point during those moments. The Copy insists that it is all on John, because he has been the one to start tugging at the clothes, but in truth? We might never know.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning Neither. The Copy doesn’t really need to sleep, so he goes in stasis only when he needs to, to hell the time, or whenever he’s bored and can’t think of nothing better to do. John’s sleeping schedule is completely fucked up and usually morning is when he goes to sleep (if he does at all) and not when he wakes up. Moreover, in any case, it’s more likely for them to literally shove each other off the mattress than offer a gentle awakening. It has happened more than ones that the demon has dumped something wet, icy or just straight out disgusting all over John (at times with reasons, others just because he wanted to). The magician usually retaliates moving him while he is in stasis, so that he comes back to his senses in a dumpster or in a swamp or by throwing away the Copy’s things (including his precious razor).

Who starts tickle fights Mostly the Copy. He seems to always have a pretext to start a fight (real or invented) and he does even when he has none. John usually snaps back with the same level of violence, so at the end of the day he is as responsible as his Other for them. However, the magician does start his fair number of fights, even if usually, unlike the demon, he has a decent motivation to do so.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower No one asks (about this or pretty much anything else). They just do. Be it get in the shower together or steal whatever one of them is eating, drinking, smoking, even wearing, or break most personal boundaries. At times, it marks the start of one of their fights, but more often than not nothing more than an annoyed comment and a shove happens. It’s just how things work between them. It might be accurate to say that they have just decided that “permission” isn’t something they need to get or understand (Chas isn’t exactly happy about this side of their relationship...as he isn’t with most of it).

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch Keeping them fed with proper meals is totally up to Chas, whenever he is around. The Copy doesn’t need to eat (even if he does whenever he is offered some kind of food he can enjoy), so preparing meals is something that never crosses his mind (not to mention that any attempt would most likely end with him destroying the kitchen). As for John, he usually hardly remembers to feed himself, so it’s definitely something he wouldn’t do either. Especially while he is occupied with a case. However, there are times when he makes sure to procure decent meals (for example if Tim is around and Chas has to work). Or, alternatively, he might make breakfast for his demon if they have had a really good (and with much less conflict for their standards) time together the previous night.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date Both of them. That one day was a real mess. They were both in the cabin and the more the night approached, the worst things got. Every little thing was a good pretext to start a fight, even more than the usual, but at the same time all they wanted to do was to avoid each other. In the end, the Copy spent almost the whole afternoon locked up in the bathroom (John hardly got the chance to shower come night) and John smoked his half of their stash of Silk Cut while pacing around in the backyard. Oddly enough, though, once the time to go arrived, deep down they were both grinning like idiots.

Who kills/takes out the spiders The Copy. John doesn’t really bother with them, unless he’s particularly annoyed or is looking for a random scapegoat for his frustrations (in those cases, absolutely anything would do). So, unless he is in the mood of incinerating them or shoving them into some other realm, normally he leaves them be (even if he knows that they might meet a gruesome ending at the hand of his Other).

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk Getting a demon drunk isn’t an easy task, so usually the Copy never gets drunk (even if he does try. Hard and often). John is usually the ones who ends up making the declarations...even if never when his Other is present. No matter how wasted he gets, he somehow always manages to keep his tongue in check when the Copy is within hearing range. However, that just means that Chas has to bear through all his rants, complaints, confessions. And the drunker he gets, the more shameless and bolder his words become, much to the cabbie’s exasperation and embarrassment.

[gin-astro]

HI OMG ITS BEEN FOREVER SJJSKNSJNDKN

Have a doodle… sorry guys I’ve been so sick and like bed ridden for so long. I miss you all <3

Love you guys.

Here’s doodle. Two versions.

[caitlynlynch]

First off, I’m going to start off with a rant about the current trend of contemporary chick lit being marketed as romantic comedy. They are NOT THE SAME THING and I’m getting really annoyed by publishers claiming they are. This is a fun and charming read, and it’s definitely a romance because there’s a Happily Ever After, but it’s not a rom com because it’s quite simply not funny enough. I felt more sorry for Liv than amused by the situations she finds herself in, and so does she; she’s more likely to spend her time in self-reflection trying to give herself a pep talk than laughing at herself. And in all honesty… there’s not much to laugh about in losing your dream corporate job and having to take on bar work in a desperate attempt to make ends meet.

With my little This Is Not A Rom Com rant out of the way, I’m now going to say that this is actually a really good read. I had a great deal of sympathy for Liv from the start as she struggled to recover from a series of nasty blows. Thrown a lifeline by Aaron, a former boss now running a luxury hotel who offers her some part-time bar work until she gets back on her feet, Liv meets some new friends and discovers there’s more to life than climbing the corporate ladder. There are a couple of love interests on the scene, with the interesting twist that one of them is online and she doesn’t find out his real identity until right at the end of the book. As such, if love triangles aren’t your thing, you might want to give this one a miss.

Nina Kaye has created an extremely likeable character in Liv, who comes from a difficult background and clawed her way up by sheer graft. Liv finds it hard to trust and open up to anyone except her best friend Dylan who comes from the same background as her, but makes a new friend in fellow bartender Reyes, a Spanish girl who’s just an utter delight. In a lot of ways this is a story about Liv and Reyes’ growing friendship just as much as Liv’s romantic arc and it’s both realistic and charming. It’s a lovely read, but I’d definitely call it an uplifting contemporary chick lit rather than a rom com. Five stars.

The Gin Lover's Guide to Dating is available now.

Disclaimer: I received a review copy of this title via Rachel’s Random Resources.

[ayakashiramblings]

Dawn and Twilight’s Social Media Accounts

Kuya

@NevermoreButSnore.

1230 followers.

Yes, I copied Edgar Allan Poe. Yes, I’m not sorry about the rhyme. Or calling him out. 

Not that he really cares.

Insists that he is a headcanon creator on Twitter 

Everyone who follows him knows that he is lying. 

If we really had to classify him as a writer, it would one who posts those way-too-accurate posts about writers complaining about writing. 

Like the notebook hoarding one. Not that anyone here in the fandom is guilty of that, haha... haha... ha.

Ironically is one of the more popular ones out of the whole group. 

His flat responses and laziness are way too prominent to NOT be noticed. 

If you actually tentatively sneak into his DMs though, for writing tips, he will patiently listen and... rather bluntly advise you. 

It’s still advice though and is always the type to check out and reblog any short fanfics.

It just has to be weird, sporadic hours because he is the type to fall asleep with the phone on his face. 

Koga Kitamikado

1230 followers.

@CapitalKayKay

Listen, there is a reason why a lot of successful businesses chose Instagram as their social media so Koga is no exception. 

What makes his account stand out, as you can see from his rather cheeky username, is that he is willing to be an open book. 

So he isn’t constantly shoving down any products he is sponsoring or whatever piece he is endorsing. 

It’s more of genuinely wanting to hang out and explore what the world has to offer. 

Whenever he posts a picture of the gang together, he’s the one tagging all of them, even the ones with hard usernames.

And there’s always a nice comment thanking whoever hosted the fun time or being appreciative of the area and the locals.

It helps that he has a sense of humour so the memes are always just the right amount of teasing but nothing too bad that will deter potential clients.

Because of his down-to-earth nature, he reels everyone in.

Uses the space to invite everyone following him on any celebration/casual outing.

The thing is... he has a lot of followers.

So... good luck.

Aoi

1150 followers.

@DeredArtTooTsun

Look, even he knows he is a Tsundere. It’s a small victory getting him to acknowledge that, let alone use it to brand himself here.

But god, he’s the man I’m most jealous of on Tumblr.

PERFECT BULLET JOURNALS AND SKETCHES.

Got the spreads that literally define ‘aesthetic’, a perfect lineup of art materials even with pencils that have their numbers faded, and somehow, the emotions can pass through the paper and screen.

Even does tutorials on perspectives, positions with cute annotations. Just don’t praise them for being adorable though and focus on improving your skills, dummy.

Ironically though, it’s his mindless vents that get the most number of notes.

It helps that the pics include him, a very cute... I mean... manly boy screaming at very, very hot men.

A bit baffled but whatever it takes to get commissions. 

That’s right, he takes them. At least there is a back-up option should the restaurant ever go out of business. 

Spoiler Alert: Still doesn’t get paid as much. People, have you seen the number of talented artists here? Aoi might be in the rankings but it’s still hard attracting business.

Support your fandom artists, everyone!

Ginnojo

1000 followers. Just nice.

Ginnojoz

Poor grandpa didn’t intend to put that extra ‘z’ letter, it was a typo because scales don’t get along with haptic touch. 

And unfortunately, doesn’t understand how to change it. 

Once, he was huge on Vine before it died. The end of an era that he has to witness again. RIP.

Gin-Gin, it is RIGHT. THERE.

Expect to find his super short self-defence videos and Book Club Readings on YouTube.

Girls actually appreciate his instructions and attempts to provide help even if they are alone. 

He did try to respond to the nice ones and actually succeeds. 

It’s always easier getting to know the language of women when you don’t really see/touch them.

A deep baritone is perfect for some sexy excerpt of a historical novel... 

Until he corrects the setting.

In fact, he sometimes rage-quits and rewrites it. 

Unlike Kuya, him doing those established ideas actually catches on. 

Yura and Gaku

1500 followers.

MelodyandTheBeat. 

... Tik-tokers. Tik-Tok people? 

WTH do you call them?

As you can see, they are the most popular since it’s combined stardom.

Look, their covers and music mixes are beautiful.

They always have their own version that somehow combines traditional Japanese music... with k-pop.

And of course, food porn. 

Just be grateful there isn’t that awful squelching sound you hear when you consume jelly or the breaking of chilli seeds. 

Listen, I usually separate them because it’s never nice to be grouped as having the same activity as your twin. 

But in this case, being both equally beautiful AND talented sells their uploads. 

Even the cringy ones made because Yura is such a Luddite. 

Like just turning his head and being amazed his hair can turn so many colours, being impressed with each tilt until he gets to a black shade. 

Suddenly hurls the phone away. Gee, wonder why? Guess black isn’t the new... black for him?

Gaku sometimes even introduces new filters he created based on Yura’s random requests that strangely get circulated on the site. 

Oji

550 followers all know Oji-Sanz

Unlike Ginnojo, he deliberately adds the ‘z’ letter to sound cool.

You wanna know what’s worse? 

He actually uses Facebook. 

Aoi decides to give up on him. Nobody blames the poor student.

It’s apparently some old form of social media? Never used it, no sirree. 

Always changing his relationship status but at the end of the day, he’s single and ready... 

To post about all the lovely ladies destined to enter his restaurant. 

He thinks it’s great publicity. 

It really isn’t but one good thing about Oji is he includes EVERYONE.

This man respects his customers and always helps advertise their wares, especially if their connections lead to more resources. 

And less grocery shopping on his part.

Does post the recipes he and Aoi created but will never use because the Milk Hall had a certain style to follow.

Officially makes Aoi his son... on Facebook at least. 

Aoi now tolerates the account. 

Barely. 

Toichiro Yuri

WhatheMeSay has 1231 followers! 

In your face @CapitalKayKay and @NevermorebutSnore!!

You know, I’m so glad that there aren’t any users with those names because I’d be so scared of accidentally tagging them.

Also, geddit? Because... What the fox say? 

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding... yeah, I’ll stop.

Pinterest Guy. And actually does spend on his ‘hobby’ to show off to everyone.

It does boost you and your father’s sales so there is nothing to complain about. 

His boards are always alliterated just to sound super catchy and it works so long as he gets the right emoji. 

Kabuki plays better be promoted or else.

Filled with candid pictures of his victims all taken at different angles you didn’t know were possible and in varying degrees of hilariously misunderstood positions.

He even supplies a donation link, heavily leveraged by his followers, since there are incentives tied to it like early access.

A bit suspicious the photos look like cropped out parts from Koga’s posts and some of the text resembles Kuya’s... er... wisdom?

He takes an unholy amount of selfies when he thinks no one is looking and so they are always surprised upon finding them on the Selfie Board. 

There is a locked board that no one can access, even his followers who are his comrades in real life. 

It’s actually just one picture in there. 

It’s you smiling and giggling at a joke of his. Not even you know it’s been taken. Guess he is as soft as his fur, eh? He better come out soon or else.

Kuro

Kuroruohtumbling

Ginnojo is unfortunately just old enough to have grown up with Scooby-Doo to understand the reference.

Snapchat, like a snapping snake! Hiss!

Unironically loves the puppy face.

Ok, but the glimpses of his stunts help show snippets of the circus life. 

He and his whole troupe family will even don costumes best suited for certain filters.

Sometimes ropes in Ginnojo... and by sometimes, I mean enough for everyone to start wondering if the stoic man is part of the act. 

To be fair, he randomly hugs people and ranks them here.

You, of course, were number 1. 

Now, if only he didn’t use the bloody song to announce it but you forgive him.

Maybe even risks revealing his ayakashi form before deleting the message to you.

Loves making international fans and learning various languages through each post, sort of like flashcards but animated and more fun!

And with 1200 followers, he might become a polyglot like Koga.

Shizuki 

Everyone bans him from creating one. 

Because they know the power of his roasts is too great. 

Little do they know he goes undercover. 

Underground.

And under their noses.

That’s right. His rant town on... MySpace. 

Unapologetically uses a good chunk of his salary from serving the House of Yuri just to get nifty themes that help with the whole burning process. 

Look, there’s a reason he and Oji are friends. 

This is why. 

Their taste in women seems fine but we really have got to do something about their affinity towards DEAD PLACES.

To be fair, he made the whole thing drunk but that doesn’t mean he should maintain it SOBER.

He just feels that it is a waste of space if he doesn’t utilize it. 

And it also becomes kind of cathartic. From the intrusive hugs to his master and Sir Gaku irking each other to no end, he needs it. 

Zero followers... but only because it’s super private. 

It becomes 1 the moment you jokingly create an account. 

[meetmeinttukseom]

Starting Over pt.2

pt 1   -   pt 2   -   pt 3

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (ft. Taehyung)

Genre: College!au, Angst, Implied Smut

Word Count: 4498

You were fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. Not wanting to raise your head to meet the gaze of Min Yoongi, in fear of succumbing to his trick question.

"Um..uh," you hesitated, "It's nothing really."

"Are you sure?" Yoongi definitely saw the sad glint in your eye and wasn't planning to give up until you tell him who it is that broke your heart.

At this point, your emotions were filled to the brim and you can't seem to spew out anymore lies. But at the same time, you're too prideful to tell Yoongi how your boyfriend cheated on you with some random girl at the nightclub.

"Do you want to go to the bar nearby and tell me what kind of jerk broke your heart?" Yoongi smiled mischievously, exposing his trademark gummy smile that had swoon the hearts of many girls in high school.

With an offer of alcohol and the familliar feeling of his presence, you just couldn't say no. After checking out your things, both of you entered a darkly lit bar down the road. You can't believe you're drinking at noon, but screw it. After grabbing a seat, you ordered a shot while he opted for gin and tonic. As soon as the shot glass was placed on the table you swiftly took it and downed the fiery liquid down your throat. Yoongi smiled when he noticed your small shivers after you downed the whole shot.

"Better now?"

"Much," you smiled, "Alcohol does it job better than I think."

"Good," Yoongi took a sip of his drink and you're surprised he didn't poke further into your problem. You know he's giving you the choice whether to tell him or not and you decided you want to let out everything that was eating up your insides. Before you could say anything, a tear rolled down your cheek and you quickly tried to wipe it away. However not fast enough for Yoongi to not notice.

"You must really like him huh?"

You let out a little laugh, "I doubt I still do after I caught him making out with a some girl at the nightclub."

Yoongi's eyes widened, he didn't expect your boyfriend to be cheating on you. Because why would he ever trade you for any girl? The boys at high school have always chased after you and you've always said no.

"I'm so sorry....I-I didn't mean to...I thought you were just going through a measly break up," Yoongi rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"It's fine," you downed another shot and savored the burn in your throat, "Not your fault."

"Did he apologize yet?"

You paused, "He doesn't know."

Both of you were trapped in a silence for a coupled of minutes. The silence was weirdly comforting and not at all, awkward. But then you realized how you're just here ranting to him about some boy when he probably has better, important things to do.

"Gosh I'm acting like a complete teenager. I'm sorry. This is literally the first time we met in years and I'm such a mess," you faked a laugh to stifle your sob, "Why am I even ranting and wasting your ti..."

You were caught mid sentence as Yoongi enclosed you in a tight hug. His warmth made your tears even less controllable as it flooded out and to his leather jacket. Great, he's going to have tear stains on his jacket because of you. So you tried to pulled away but he made his grip even tighter, almost to the point that it was suffocating. For some weird reason, the presence of Min Yoongi, his embrace, his soothing hand had you feeling a lot better.

The feeling that someone's got your back and that's all you really need right now.

//

After telling Yoongi everything at the bar, you felt a wave of relief swept over your chest. You usually don't open to people easily but even after not meeting him for years, there’s this sense of comfort that allows you to tell him things. Little did you know when you were telling him about Taehyung, Yoongi's fists were clenched under the table. He was undeniably fuming inside, how could some jerk hurt his childhood best friend's feelings and make her feel so vulnerable. But then he realized the small tears forming in your eyes and how you desperately tried to speak clearly through your sobs. You must've really liked this Taehyung, so much that you can't stop talking about him, even when he broke your heart. At the end of your rant, Yoongi asked you a question that made you come close to choking on your fifth shot,

"Are you gonna break up with him?"

Suddenly all your muddles thoughts were put to silent mode with this one question. You know you've asked yourself this question a million times since you've witnessed him blatantly cheating on you but can't seem to answer it.

You stuttered, "I-I don't know."

"Are you willing to forgive him?” Yoongi’s eyes bore into yours, trying to figure out the truth in your words.

You paused, "I'm not sure."

"It's so obvious you still have feelings for him y/n, if not you would’ve already said no,” he downed his glass before continuing, “From what I see you're still confused, I say you take some time off and think this over."

You were processing Yoongi's words and you realized he's right, you need to think this over. Whether it would be worth the risk and pain of getting back with Taehyung. Gosh you haven't even met him since the incident or tried talking to him about it.

You smiled at Yoongi, "You know...you could be a psychiatrist. I'd pay you for your sessions."

Yoongi's lips twitched upwards, "I'll make it free for an old friend."

"Talking about jobs, what do you do now? Are you still at school?" you have been curious these past years and you've never really been able to ask him.

"I major in practical music," he took a gulp of his beer, "Creating beats, mixing them and making melodies."

"That's really cool. I somehow always knew you'd do something related to music from the way I see you play the piano at music class."

Yoongi's eyes lighted up at the sound of the word piano and he was surprised at the fact that you were observing him during music class.

"I don't know if you were really good at piano or you were just trying to pick up the girls at music class," you chuckled.

"Did you just question my piano skills?" he chuckled, "And actually...it was both."

You laughed at his reply and Yoongi's heart tugged at the sound. It's been years since he's heard the sound of your laughter, it's also been years since you've laughed at his jokes. Min Yoongi thought he could forget the rapid thud of his heart when you sat next to him while he was playing the piano back in high school. He thought he could get over the fact that all his sappy, sad love songs were actually his own stories. After all these years, maybe, just maybe he thought he would eventually lose interest in you. That he could finally forget about you.

But it is his heart that was rapidly beating in allegro that told him, he simply couldn't.

//

Taehyung was pacing back and forth in the laundry room. The constant rumble of the washing machine seemed to help him calm down, knowing the sheets that were stained by his mistakes last night was getting clean. He was starting to feel anxious as you weren't replying any of his messages. Something definitely felt off, is it possible that someone had seen what he did and told you about it?

A part of him wanted to just call you and tell you the truth. But there's also something inside him that's keeping him from doing so. He wasn't ready to face the consequences. He never expected himself to be the one hurting your feelings and to be the cheating boyfriend. If anything, he had always despised his fellow friends who made fun of their girlfriends behind their back and criticized their looks. He was disgusted when those boys would easily make out with a stranger and went back to a motel when their girlfriends are waiting for them at home.

He sighed and slunk to the floor. Why did he lose self-control and become the person he hated most? This conflict is starting to get to him and he knew he'd go insane if you don't reply him at all. So he decided he was going to go to your place and wait for you. He'll figure things out when he gets there, he tried to reassure himself as he struggled to contain his thoughts.

//

After Young paid for the whole bill at the bar, you decided to treat him to some pizza. You told him to order everything he wants to redeem some of your guilt for causing such a large bill. The small, laid-back dinner at your local favourite pizza place was spent with laughter and jokes, as well as reminiscing cringeworthy moments of your old days.

"Remember when we pranked Jimin by spraying his backpack with your sister's cotton candy wonderland perfume?"

You laughed as you distinctly remembers Jimin's wide eyes and flushed cheeks as he continues to find the source of the pungent smell and wholeheartedly denies that he uses cotton candy perfume to the whole class.

"And his face when we gifted him the perfume after the graduation," you chuckled.

"Damn, we could get a PhD in pranking if it was an actual major."

"Maybe we should write a book, ‘The Art of Embarassing People on Purpose", a classic by Min Yoongi and Y/N,” you jokingly suggested.

"That sounds like a legit business plan to me, we can rack up money and just prank people for the rest of our lives."

Yoongi was slightly taken aback by his own words when he said the rest of our lives. Those words made his cheeks flush a deeper color and caused him to slightly fidget in his seat. Similarly, your eyes widened at his words and led you to awkwardly stuff your face with pizza.

"Obviously...as business partners," Yoongi nervously stammers and starts to gulp down his cola as if it could wash away his words.

"Of course," you smiled and you didn’t understand why your stomach slightly sank at his explanation.

The two of you parted ways after the hearty meal and exchanged of phone numbers. As you rode the bus back to your place, you didn't realize a smile was still painted on your lips eventhough your boyfriend had just cheated on you last night. It was weird when you felt as if warm honey was coursing through your veins at the pizza place. It was also very strange everytime Yoongi flashed his gummy smile, your stomach would slightly turn, causing you to pause your eating. Maybe it was a case of missing your best friend of 9 years and meeting him for the first time in years. Maybe it's the nostalgia, maybe it's the alcohol mixed with pizza in your system. But before you could push your thoughts further, you didn't realize you had got out of the bus and arrived at the doorstep of your apartment.

And sitting on the floor of the dark hallway, with his back leaning against the door of your apartment, is none other than Kim Taehyung.

//

You stopped in your tracks, he still hasn't noticed your presence as he continued to stand in front of your door. His eyes were stuck on the screen of the phone in his hands. Without realizing, your hands started to sweat and the alcohol that was sitting in your stomach started to feel like fire, urging you to puke.

You pictured yourself to be screaming at his face when you see him but instead you calmly said, "What are you doing here?"

Taehyung's eyes immediately left his phone and locked with yours. He seemed to notice the sullen darkness that replaced your usually bright and cheery attitude as he quickly pocketed his phone and walked towards you. He was wearing black leather jacket over an oversized white t-shirt with black ripped jeans and you internally cursed yourself for thinking how good they look on him. The click clack of his combat boots against the wooden floor felt like bullets directed at you. His nearing presence that used to feel like a protective shield that provided you with comfort and love, now felt like a dagger against your neck that threatens your anxieties to blow up any second.

"Stop," you held your breath, "Stop right there, please don't come closer."

He immediately stopped in his tracks and there was an unusual glint in his eyes, whether it is curiosity or guilt, you can't seem to make it out.

"What's wrong babe?" Despite the facade he tried to put up, you can tell he was cautious and that he knew he's done something wrong.

"You," you stepped back from him, "You're what's wrong."

He fell silent and avoided your eyes, choosing to stare at the wooden floor. You expected him to confess what he's done but he doesn't seem to have any plans on doing so. The dead silence was becoming unbearably suffocating for you. It was becoming harder and harder for you to control your emotions, whether it is raging anger or uncontrollable tears. So you decided to confront him yourself,

"I-I saw you," your throat constricted and your eyes watered, "yesterday night."

Taehyung's eyes widened immediately and you knew he perfectly understood what you're referring to.

"I-I can explain," Taehyung stammered and desperately made his way to you, "It's an accident. I promise it's not like that-"

"Is it? Is it really just an accident? Is it really not on purpose?" you stepped back, tears clouding your vision, "Funny thing is you don't seem like you're gonna tell me anything if I hadn't spoken up."

"I-I just don't want to lose you y/n," he was dangerously close to you and the warmth that radiates off his body no longer felt comforting.

"Do you know how it feels Tae?" you want to give him a taste of the storm that had settled in your heart, "To see someone you care and love to be in someone else's arms when he clearly promised you'll be the only one. And you stupidly trust him and his words because you love him."

At this point your fingers were trembling and you desperately tried to silence your sniffles, "But then he proves you wrong. Right in front of your very own damn eyes and I wish I hadn't seen it because I couldn't stop thinking about it. And every single time I do it hurts, it fucking hurts."

For the first time you stepped closer to him, "I don't know what I've done wrong to deserve this but I know.... I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Please leave." You leave him stunned as you made your way to your apartment and went in. As soon as you got in, you ran to your bedroom and released your shackled tears. It took you a lot of courage for being able to confront him because deep inside, you weren't ready to let go of him just yet. What you don't understand is why you were so scared of losing a person you've already lost.

Because the very minute Taehyung laid his lips on another girl that very night, he was already gone.

//

The following days after that night were filled with unanswered phone calls and text messages, countless voicemails filled with apologies, short explosions of anger, tearful confessions. All from Taehyung. There were times when you wanted to succumb to the temptation and answer his calls and texts. At the back of your mind, you knew if you could just accept his apology, maybe everything could go back to the way it was. You can soak in the warm embrace of Taehyung once more, smell the waft of his detergent scented t-shirts and bask in the glow of his blinding smile. You'd be lying if you said you didn't miss him.

Attending classes became harder and harder as you had to hide everything from your friends. You tried hard to act normal as if nothing has happened, saying I'm fine even when everything inside you is crumbling down. You had to admit, there was a part of you that wasn’t ready to accept your messy break up. Hence you couldn't bring yourself to tell your friends the truth, eventhough you know you should. In order to distract yourself, you decided to get a part time job at the local coffee shop. You need to get busy so you could stop your never-ending train of thoughts regarding your complex, now almost non-existent ‘love life’. Perhaps it's the smell of freshly-ground coffee or the light chatter of the customers but you always felt a lot better after working at the coffee shop. You always took the night shift so you could finish your assignments and projects first before working. You also knew coffee shops aren't as busy at night hence you won't feel pressured by long lines of angry, sleep-deprived customers in the morning shift.

It was the third day of your shift, the place was relatively empty with only a group of med-kids struggling to memorize their flashcards on blood vessels over iced Americanos and two women in their mid-thirties gossiping while sipping chai lattes. You were put in charge on the cashier as soon as the owner found out you're a business major. While you were organizing the coins, the door bell chimed as a figure came in. You quickly closed the money drawer, ready to take order.

"Hello," you smiled and looked up, "May I take your order?"

It took you a minute to realize that the figure with green parka, grey beanie and the all-black attire belongs to none other than Min Yoongi.

"You work in a coffee shop now?" he chuckled and looked somehow pleased.

"Yes I do," you shrugged, "It's good experience and I really need the employee's discount on coffee anyway."

He smiled and looked at the menu board, "I'll have a cup of iced americano please, the large size."

"Alright," you punched in the orders on the cashier, "Hey Ben, can I have a large iced americano?"

"Coming right up," your thin, slicked hair co-worker answered immediately.

"That would be $3.5."

Yoongi pulled out his wallet and paid for his coffee.

"Here's your change and your coffee," you handed it to him carefully, "Although you might as well get some sleep, your dark circles are well….very dark."

Yoongi's lips twitched upward at your remark, it's been years yet you still nag him about his lack of sleep.

"It's the upcoming project taking up my sleep," he rubbed his eyes, "So I'll be counting on you, my new coffee supplier, to keep my eyes open."

"Gosh that's such a big responsibility,” you exclaimed dramatically, “I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it.”

“I’m sure you and your perfectionist tendencies will," he smirked then took his things and heads to the door, "I'll see you around y/n.”

You didn't know why your heart was thundering uncontrollably at the sight of your childhood best friend. There was something about his tousled hair and his slanted eyes that resembled the fluffy cat you watched so many times on your phone. You had to hold yourself back from ruffling his hair right there and then. You silently wished he'd stay or Ben would spend more time making Yoongi's cup of coffee so you both could talk more.

//

Taehyung holed himself up in his place after you confronted him that night. He wished he had stopped the girl as soon as she leaned in for a kiss. No, he shouldn't have even gone to the club. If he had just gone back to his place and take a hot shower to make himself feel better, none of this would happen.

He came to your place several times to apologize and explain everything but you were never home. You were no where to be found, you no longer go to your usual classes or sit at your favorite corner in the library. He figured you must've switched up your classes to avoid meeting him. Taehyung knew you'd busy yourself to forget all the pain and it kills him inside that he’s the reason why. There were times when he'd come to your place at dawn and sit in front of your door. He knew you’re inside as he could hear the low hum of your air conditioner. Yet he couldn't bear to knock or pull at the doorknob, too scared you'll wake up and make him leave. However knowing that you were on the other side of that door, sleeping soundly helped him breathe better. He knew he didn't deserve any second chance after what he did, but he can't help wishing you'd give him another chance. He silently wished you'd reply his text or calls at some point. Maybe not now, maybe not next week, just somewhere in the future.

Taehyung often wondered whether you had moved on. It made his fist clench at the thought of you laughing at someone else's jokes, holding hands with someone that wasn't him. Perhaps you're already dating someone better than him, who wouldn't cheat on you and hurt your feelings. He realized got a taste of his own medicine and had to suffer the bitterness alone. Yet there is nothing he can do. For now he can only wait.

//

The following week at the coffee shop was filled with more sightings of Min Yoongi and his love for caffeine. When you scolded him for having too much coffee and too little sleep, he poorly tried making excuses by saying he was simply mastering the art of drinking coffee. Little did you know Min Yoongi has his own $300 coffee maker at his home. Little did you know the main reason he came so often wasn't for coffee. But something else that woke him a lot better, gave him a little boost of endorphin in his system and helped him silence his frazzled thoughts.

You didn't realize that you were starting to spend so much time together with Yoongi at the coffee shop. He found out that your favorite coffee is a nice warm cup of càfe latte and you obviously figured his favorite is Americano as he ordered it every single time. You also forced Yoongi to try the cafe's specials by buying it for him from time to time. Oreo cheesecake to carrot cake, he was pretty sure he’s starting to gain weight. Once in a while, he lets you listen to his new tracks, plugging his earphones into your ears during your break at the cafe. This often led you questioning him about the meaning of the lyrics he wrote which would lead Yoongi excitedly rambling about his life experiences. Sometimes when you saw Yoongi concentrating on his laptop, headphones over his head and a slight crease on his forehead, you can't help but to swoon a little at the sight.

The two of you fell deeper and deeper into each other everyday. Without realizing, you both have started to enter each other’s lives. Yoongi has taken you to his favorite electronics store. He bought you a pair of black headphones that he claims to have the best sound quality. As you found out how lovely the bass of the headphones was, you realized it sounded even better when it's playing Yoongi's music. You had also taken Yoongi to your favorite bookstore, resulting in him whining at the heavy stack of books in his hand, all of them being your book recommendations for him.

The two of you had only dawned on your feelings for each other during a casual visit to Yoongi's studio. It was a small room that barely fits a piano, a chair and a desk that displayed a large LCD screen with various audio devices that looked very intimidating. The two of you sat on the piano bench as you played the song that you still remembered from your first piano recital. Both of you were laughing with how childish it had sounded until your fingertips collided with Yoongi’s and you immediately flinched at the touch. Your eyes widened when he took your left hand and intertwined it with his. Despite feelings slightly surprised, you smiled at his gesture. When you were about to turn to face the piano, he cupped your cheeks and planted a soft kiss on your lips. You hadn't kissed anyone besides Taehyung for a while and it felt foreign. Nevertheless you couldn’t ignore the fire that was starting to build up in belly. Despite how good it felt to have his plush lips on yours, his fingers against your own, it still didn't feel right. You knew you really liked Yoongi and how great he has been to you these past weeks. But you haven't exactly had a mutual agreement with Taehyung to finish it off, as you've relentlessly ignored all of his phone calls and text messages. So you did what you have to do, you pushed Yoongi away. You didn't realize how much force you had put into it until you witnessed Yoongi's widened eyes and his little gasp.

"I-I'm so sorry," you quickly apologized, "As much as I want to continue, I feel like it isn't fair for you when I haven't completely broken it off with Taehyung."

After recovering from the little shock Yoongi nodded, "No, no, I'm sorry for doing that when you weren't exactly ready. It's my fault."

The both of you stayed silent for a few minutes, awkwardness filling the tiny studio. You felt bad for denying his advances when you entirely feel the same way. Filled with guilt, you decided to leave the studio.

"I-I'll go now," you picked your bag up and made your way to the door.

Yoongi quietly followed behind and you promised to make everything right as soon as possible. The last thing you want is for Yoongi to feel as if he was just a mere rebound. If anything, you need to break it off with Taehyung and some time to gather your thoughts. You wanted to see if your feelings for Yoongi is real as you can’t afford to go through anymore relationship drama. And the last thing you want right now is to hurt someone.

Especially when it’s someone you’ve known all your life.

Author’s note: I should be posting this earlier today but I decided to add more parts to this chapter. Also, the last part will be out, same day next week! Next part will be rated m and my first published smut. i hope you’ve been enjoying this series!

[arrancarwrites]

What Happens in Las Noches (part 3)

Two arrancar (OCs) live through the shenanigans that happen in Las Noches while creating some of their own. A mini series with radom appearances of other arrancar/espada. Rui is mine, Criessa belongs to @randomhatthief

“Is there a reason the two of you are hiding under my bed?” Rui sat on the floor and stared under her bed where Criessa and Yylfordt had taken residence. She just wanted to try and sleep but it turns out fate had different plans for her today. “Wait…does this have something to do with you drugging Ulquiorra?”

“Yep! So it turns out, he knows we were behind it. He’s pissed, so we’re going to be hiding until he gets over it.” Criessa poked her head from underneath and rested on her stomach. 

Yylfordt followed shortly. “My bro snitched when Ulquiorra interrogated him. He figured Szayel had something to do with the drugging.” He shrugged as Rui face-palmed. She wasn’t too surprised Szayel didn’t hesitate to sell out his brother in order to not deal with the Fourth Espada.

“Why in my room though? Go hide behind Grimmjow!”

“Aw, admit it girl, you like having a guy like me in your room.” Yylfordt wiggled his eyebrows making Rui just stare at him blankly. Usually yes, statements like that flustered her, but she really was not in the mood. Criessa snickered and laid her head in her palm.

“I’d sooner let Charlotte give me beauty tips.” He squawked at this making the other girl in the room starting laughing at his face. “Alright, you two can stay I guess.” Rui just got done playing a two hour game of tag with Lilynette (that may or may not have destroyed a wall, that girl takes it too seriously) and was depleted of energy. She just grabbed a book though as she didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with Yylfordt in the room since she barely knew him.

“Speaking of which, Charlotte was going on one of his beauty rants yesterday. I swear, he should do what the humans call a beauty guru if it will get him to shut up.” Criessa grumbled before her and Yylfordt got into a game of arm wrestling. Yylfordt cringed at that and Rui just hummed in response.

A knock at the door made everyone alert and Rui got up to answer it. The two went back into hiding as the quiet woman cracked it open. “Oh, hello Ulquiorra, how may I help you?” The two hiding flinched and had the feeling of oh shit pass though them.

His face was stoic as always but there was a layer of irritation under it. Oh yeah, he wasn’t a happy camper. “Rui Nobeara. I understand Criessa Monserra occasionally can be seen with you. I also understand she is frequently seen with Grimmjow and his Fraccion, which leads me to believe she has company with Yylfordt Granz. I would like to know if you had seen her and Yylfordt Granz recently.” He asked though it really was more of a demand.

“N-no I haven’t.” She gave a polite but shy smile and gripped the doorknob nervously. His gaze could really be intimidating. “Is everything okay? If you need help finding them-”

“That won’t be necessary.” He turned to leave before pausing shortly. “Oh, and Gin Ichimaru requires your presence.”

“What for?” Oh no, if that fox-like man wanted to see her then that couldn’t be good.

“He neglected to tell me. If you find Criessa Monserra and Yylfordt Granz, inform me of their location.” he said with icy irritation towards the two before leaving. An awkward silence fell over the room before Yylfordt groaned loudly. Criessa crawled out and dragged him out before staring up at the ceiling.

“We’re so screwed, dude we’re going to die by Ulquiorra’s hand.” She then grinned. “Not that I regret drugging him though. I would do it again and again!”

“Criessa!” Rui cried out before burying her face in her hands. Yylfordt only snickered.

“Nah, we’re fine. He won’t kill us-”

“No, he’ll just maim you!”

“Aw, Rui I knew you cared!” Criessa swept the slightly smaller girl into her arms and spun her around, making her squeak. She kicked her legs around and squirmed, flustered with the attention. Laughing, Criessa eventually set her down. “We’ll go bother Grimmjow now. He’ll never pass up the opportunity to screw with Ulquiorra after we tell him what happened. By the way, thanks for hiding us.” she smiled and slapped Rui’s back in a friendly manner before moving to the door.

Yylfordt went to follow before stopping to ruffle Rui’s hair. “Yeah, same. You’re not too bad.” He smirked and even winked before following Criessa out of the room. Even more flustered than before, Rui turned and collapsed face first onto her bed. After several minutes of just contemplating her life decisions, she reluctantly left the comfort of her bed and room.

Well, time to see what Gin Ichimaru wants.

Grimmjow’s almost maniacal laughter was the only thing that could be heard for miles. “You fucking drugged him? Ulquiorra, the guy who has a stick up his ass, was stoned?” He even had to wipe away a tear at just the thought.

Criessa and Yyfordt stood smugly as they relayed everything that happened. Di Roy was cracking up from the side though Shawlong seemed to look disappointed as he shook his head. “Yeah, he kept picking up random objects because they were pretty.” Criessa grinned remembering it. She pulled out several photos she had taken of him and gave them to Grimmjow.

Di Roy scurried over to get a look as did Edorad out of curiosity. Nakeem and Shawlong stayed where they were. The Sexta Espada snorted at the dazed and almost childish look on Ulquiorra’s face in the pictures. He definitely had blackmail material and was so going to rub this in the emotionless man’s face.

“Yeah, but now the bro is out to kill us.” Yyfordt shrugged before pausing, as if he just remembered something. He got a odd glint in his eye as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a vile. “…I still have some.” Grimmjow reached and quickly snagged the vile. He brought it close to his face to examine it before a sinister grin formed on his face.

“You know…Ulquiorra is a pain in the ass with how uptight he is. I think he needs more of this.”

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 43 - Exes, camp fires and big mouths (Part Two)

In the previous chapter: Eddie, Jeff and Laura go to the Rock Candy club to meet the others. Once they get there, Eddie mistakes Angie’s dad for the typical adult man hitting on young girls, making a fool of himself. Ray immediately forgives him though, he senses Eddie likes his daughter and has simpathy for him. Ray gets on well with Stone too and the two of them make fun of Angie. Ray reveals his daughter’s real name is Angelina, which is her grandma’s name. Eddie tries to tell Angie about his feelings during the concert, but she thinks he’s just trying to tell her she’s only a good friend for him and she’s afraid Eddie has somehow figured out her recent little fixation on him. Somebody pours a drink over Mike McCready’s head.

***

“Hey! What the fu-” the wimp brazenly stands up, as if he’s ready to kill the person who’s just watered him. Sit back, honey, you’re not scarying anyone. Anyway, he comes off his high horse as soon as he sees his girlfriend standing right in front of him.

“Good evening you piece of shit” I’ve never seen Mel so mad. No, I’ve never seen her mad at anyone in general before I inadvertently told her about Mike’s little forgetfulness. I accidentally unleashed a fury and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

“Melanie! What… what are you doing here? You didn’t call back and I thought you weren’t coming…” his girlfriend baptizes him with a drink and insults him and he doesn’t even ask for an explanation, he’s just surprised to see her. This relationship was meant to drown anyway, regardless my intervention.

“I didn’t call because I didn’t want to hear your stupid voice!”

“Uh. Ok. But you’re listening to it right now, so…” I don’t understand if he’s dumb or just playing it.

“Shut up, asshole”

“Hi guys, hi Eddie!” I chime in during a break in their not so pleasant conversation and take the opportunity to say hello, even though my waving hand fails at catching the attention of the people round the table, who are all focused on the quarrelling couple. Eddie gives me a half bad look, then goes back to listening what boyfriend and girlfriend say without answering to me. There’s a guy I’ve never seen before who’s sitting beside him. I guess we gotta put introductions off until later.

“Now what? Won’t you say anything?” Mel looks angrily at him.

“Well you told me to shut up”

“God, I hate you!”

“Wait, is there something wrong?” what?! Nooooo, what makes you think something’s going on?!

“Something wrong… he wants to know if something’s wrong!” the girl turns towards me to share her disbelief “Tell him what’s wrong!”

At this point the gang finally acknowledges my presence too, since everyone turns to look at me, waiting for answers. Their faces are different, but look the same in some particular aspects as I look at each one of them: perplexed, dropped jaw, confused stare, embarrassment. But it’s when I look at Meg that I realize my plan could as well fail: first of all, because she’s so fucking hot and so easily, she’s hot just by wearing a fucking plaid shirt that’s buttoned up to the neck and plain denim shorts, whereas I wandered from shop to shop all the afternoon to find the tightest leather pants ever invented, which I had to adapt my breathing process to, and a black tulle top made of a very small amount of fabric, and that small amount is totally see through, except for two invisible dark spots covering the nipples and not much more; not to mention the torture I had to endure from Melanie before going out, when she was doing my hair while ranting against that moron of her boyfriend and basically pulled out 75% of them. And all this for what? To get disgustingly catcalled by a couple of losers at the bar? Not to mention Eddie and his total incapability at giving any kind of gratification: wether you’re naked or have a parka on, it’s the same for him. Maybe that girl down there is right, in the end: just wear a fucking tracksuit and fuck off! No, well, that’s too much, I can’t. Honestly I don’t understand, how can you go out on a saturday night wearing a tracksuit? I’ve never worn a tracksuit, not even at the gym, I’ve never owned one and I’d never wear anything like that even if I was stuck at home, I can’t think of a more mortifying piece of clothing. Ok, it’s Angie so hiding is surely much better than showing, but this… this means not having a single ounce of love for yourself. And it’s always the same tracksuit, I hope she washes it once in a while…

The second reason why I’m afraid the plan’s gonna fail is Meg’s presence itself: I mean, blondie won’t necessarily throw her arms around the loser guitarist after all the fuzz, she could as well take it bad. I’d better not risk.

“Well, uhm, I don’t want to intrude, it’s about you… it’s private… what about you go and talk it over somewhe-” I put my hand on her shoulder and gently motion for her to leave with that poor excuse for a boyfriend, but she doesn’t give a fuck about me, she just dodges me and goes back talking to him.

“The problem is your an insensitive jerk and that you’ve been making fun of me for months, laughing at me behind my back with your friends” Mel barks out her anger against the whole table, heavy silence follows, then everybody starts to clamor.

“But no, why?” Laura murmurs, almost afraid to talk too loud.

“Who made fun of you?” Jeff echoes.

“Why should we laugh at you?” Angie adds.

“I’ve never laughed at you, I like you” Chris wants to be part of it.

“I’ve never laughed, in general, never laughed in my life, I don’t know how to do it” Stone must tell his fucking jokes in moments like this too.

“I’ve never laughed at you, I’ve never seen you before” the mysterious moustache man can’t shut up, he must be a friend of Stone’s.

The others are just stammering out random things as they shake their heads no looking confused, Meg included. Fortunately. I can’t imagine what’d happen if Meg opened her mouth right now. Oh well, I imagine it now: Mel would wipe her from the face of earth. The more I think about it the better it looks.

“What the fuck are you talking about, love? What did you smoke? And, most of all, did you bring some?” Mike apparently doesn’t know he’s close to the end of his life so he has the guts to joke.

“Now, how long have we been together, Mike? Huh? How long?” Mel takes a long breath and goes on, pretending not to hear neither the word love or McCready’s joke, not because she doesn’t want to offend him, but rather because she wants to get straight to the point and then insult him with a reason.

“Did he forget anniversary or something?” the guy I don’t know asks Eddie in a not so low voice, as the singer shrugs.

“Anniversary? They’ve been dating for a couple of months…” Laura soon explains, with a lower tone, but perfectly audible.

“A couple of months, exactly!” Mike replies pointing at Laura who suggested the answer “Why?”

“Ok, so two months of completely wasted time! But it’s my fault, I’m the idiot who thought you really cared”

“But… I care about you, you know!”

“Sure, you care so much you’re still fucking your ex in the meantime”

Now everybody, apart from the unknown guy, is staring at Meg, who seems to notice a little later.

“What? Why are you looking at me? She must be talking about another ex, I don’t-”

“No, darling, I’m talking right about you!”

“Haha what?! You must be joking, girl, you’re wrong” Meg scornfully retorts, sitting straight on the chair, while Mr X turns to ask Eddie something, he probably doesn’t know the gang’s dynamics and doesn’t know Meg and Mike used to be together.

“She’s right, Mel, look, there’s nothing going on anymore between me and Meg” the unfortunate confirms, still dripping with gin sour.

“Nothing anymore, huh? And before? What was going on before?”

“Before? Before what? I didn’t cheat on you with her, I swear to god” right now it’s not just the guys at the table, people around us in the club are getting hooked to the story too.

“But you were with her before getting with me, right?”

“Well, yeah, but… what does it mean? What is that? Retroactive jealousy?” Meg bites back at her in Mike’s place and she doesn’t know how dangerous it is to play with fire.

“Shut up, slut”

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?” Meg stands up and almost knocks over chair and table, it takes Jeff and Chris together to hold her back and have her sit down again.

“Mel, don’t you think you’re overreacting? You’re making a fucking mess for nothing, Meg’s just a friend, there’s nothing going on behind your back”

“So there’s nothing going on? Then, if you’ve got nothing to hide, why didn’t you tell me she used to be your girlfriend?” Mel’s clenching her fists against her hips, basically the same position taken by Meg a second later, when she stands up again shaking the table.

“WHAT?!” the blond girl shouts.

“Ehm… what do you mean? Didn’t I tell you? But you knew that… you knew that, right?”

“How the fuck was I supposed to know if nobody ever told me?! You didn’t tell me and none of these fuckers did” Mel points at the fuckers without taking her eyes away from Mike, the unknown long haired guy looks around snickering.

“I should have taken some popcorn at the bar” he says, Stone looks and nods at him while Angie reproaches both of them in a low voice.

“You’re saying you didn’t know?” Meg walks a few steps towards my friend and her attitude is more accommodating, at least with her, because the look she gives to Mike in the meantime is of pure hate.

Fuck.

“Sure I didn’t know, don’t play dumb”

“But the first time the three of us met at the Crocodile you said it was such a coincidence, or something like that…”

“The coincidence was that my boss and his sister knew the guy I was dating, that’s it! I didn’t know about the rest”

“Now I understand why you were behaving like that! I thought your being all friendly was an act. And the way you were always showing off the fact you were with Mike, I thought you were doing on purpose to get on my nerves!”

“Oh no, I had no fucking clue! I thought you were just one of his friends. And you act all friendly too anyway…” Mel seems to calm down a little, not letting down her guard though.

“I was just trying to grin and bear it! And I didn’t want you to think I was still interested in Mike or something”

“Uhm, I’m right here anyway” Mike feels left out in the conversation and doesn’t know he’d better thank god for this temporary distraction of the two girls.

“Unfortunately” “And who cares?” they answer at the same time.

“Baby, I don’t know what to say… I thought you knew, you work for her brother, I also went to the car salon with Meg a couple of times, when we were still together”

“I don’t remember ever seeing you together, maybe I wasn’t there! But you should have mentioned it anyway, once at least, even by chance”

“Together? Oh no, there must be a mistake, we’ve never been together, Mikey. Melanie, dear, I gotta put in a good word for the asshole here,” Meg starts her show and McCready can do nothing but sit back down and wait for the storm to pass “because he acted in good faith: he didn’t tell you I’m his ex because he doesn’t see me that way, because he never considered me as his girfriend, but only as someone to have fun with”

“Meg…” the poor guy tries to complain, but he’s between a rock and a hard place, and he’d better shut up.

“If you don’t believe me, ask Eddie. Eddie, what did Mike told you that night at the Off Ramp when you asked him about me? When you said ‘oh your girlfriend seems nice’? Come on, tell her!”

“Well actually… err… I don’t remember the exact words…” Eddie stutters as he’s carefully inspecting  his fingernails.

“I’ll tell you then: he told him I wasn’t his girlfriend, what the hell, I was just a random chick he was having fun with. Which is also the reason I told him to fuck off and dumped him”

“Really? What a jerk!” answers Melanie, who now seems to have put aside her rage against the girl, to give it all to Mike.

“Yeah… so don’t be surprised if he didn’t tell you about me, I mean, I’m surely not worth mentioning. He was probably ashamed, weren’t you Mike?”

“You know I wasn’t and you know it’s not like that, but anything I say by now it’s pointless, right?” the loser says the first smart thing of the night.

“Come on, guys, don’t act like that, it was just a misunderstanding. I mean, we never told Melanie either, but it was not on purpose, we thought you knew, everybody knows, right?” Cornell stands up and tries to calm the girls down, and his friends sitting at the table agree.

“Ok, but he’s my boyfriend and Meg is in his group of friends, friends he goes out with all the time. How would Susan take it if someone told her you keep seeing your ex? And most of all, if this someone wasn’t you?”

“I’ll answer that: I’d take it bad, very bad. But I’d hurt him worse, be sure about that” Susan feels she needs to step up into the conversation since she’s been mentioned and she answers with a just apparently reassuring smile, which has her boyfriend sit back up and shut his mouth.

“What an asshole… and all this time I couldn’t decide if you were crazy or just pretentious, considering how you were acting around me” Meg goes on folding her arms.

“I had no idea! Anyway… there was something actually, sometimes I sensed something, a weird attitude towards me, but I thought it was just the typical reaction to my exuberance… I’m sorry I upset you without knowing” Melanie officially formalizes the peace with Meg and I’m afraid these two will end up joining forces.

“Nah, don’t worry, it’s not your fault! I apologize for never mentioning the thing between me and Mike, honestly I didn’t want to pry into your private lives”

“Don’t even think about it, you’re not the one to blame” Meg gives another nasty look to her, what, boyfriend? Ex boyfriend? Ex boyfriend I think. And I’m ok with that. What I’m not ok with is that now he’s a super ex for Meg too, I mean, the girl must have crossed it out for good by now. And if Meg doesn’t get back with Mike she remains single and if she’s single, Eddie could decide to confess his feelings to her, most of all with no sense of guilt towards McCready. I’m in deep shit. And it’s all Mike McAsshole’s fault. Couldn’t he just dump her with a random excuse like everyone does?

“What about we go and drink it over, there’s no better way to make things right after a fight” Meg puts an arm around my friend’s shoulders and they both smile.

“Ok, I’m in. But I’m buying the drinks!”

“Don’t even think about that, it’s on me”

“Well, let’s just take turns buying rounds, period”

“You’re a genius”

“Thank you. And I warn you I don’t mean to go home sober tonight”

“Neither do I, don’t worry, we can share a cab afterwards”

“A cab? Aren’t you coming with me?” Angie timidly asks.

“Right. And don’t forget the bonfire party at Discovery Park” adds Jeff.

“Don’t worry Angie, I’ll see you at home. Anyway… nah, honestly I don’t feel like going to that party, it’s too cold outside. And I need a change… no offence but I’d rather not see any of your faces, at least for a while. Bye” Meg leaves with Melanie and gives me some hope right in the end. She’s just said she wants to change, right? See other people, other than her usual friends. So she doesn’t want to see Eddie either. I’m still in the game!

Silence reigns over the table and the curious people around us in the club go back minding their own business. Now we’re all hanging off Mike’s words, waiting for a comment, a reaction, something, anything.

“What the hell, Mikey?” Jeff is the first one to say something, since the guy won’t say a word.

“What do you want from me? I was sure she knew! I’m a nobody, but everybody knows Meg” McCready jabbers.

“I don’t think this is the right time to play the victim, Mike” says Kim, who didn’t say anything until now.

“No, sure, I’m no victim! I’m the guilty one! It’s all my fault, just mine, right Violet?” Mike is talking to his friends, then suddenly turns to face me.

“Me? I’ve got nothing to do with this” I look around pretending to be surprised.

“Happy now? Great plan!” he insists and if I don’t have him shut up immediately, this fucker will spit it all out.

“Plan? I don’t know what you’re talking about. And no offence, but what you do doesn’t remotely influence my happiness, I don’t care about you”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. Anyway if you wanted to make things work, you could as well come up with your plan”

“I guess I lack some parts of the plot” the stranger says as he looks at me and Mike.

“I guess we lack them too” Chris replies. If this jerk lets something out right when Bigmouth Cornell is around, whole Seattle will know by tomorrow morning. Joining forces with a loser won’t certainly do any good to my reputation.

“There’s no plot, I’ve just never liked Mike very much because of how he treated my friend and I’ve never hidden that from him”

“Oh yeah, sure you’re the frank one who always tells what she thinks, without stratagems or tricks…” McCready stands and walks up to the bar and only now takes a bunch of paper napkins to dry himself.

“What do you mean?” I ask yawning when he comes back near me.

“Oh nothing, I don’t need to tell you anything. Somebody will and if it happened tonight, I’d gladly stay here and enjoy the view of your face in that moment… if only I didn’t have this sudden urge to go and take a ride. Somewhere else. Bye guys! See you at the gallery. Maybe”

“Come on, Mikey, don’t be an asshole, where the fuck are you going?!” Jeff tries to call his friend back with his usual gentleman attitude.

“You fucked up badly, ok, but we love you anyway.” Stone says “And we need you in the band”

“And then, fucked up, I mean… it wasn’t that bad, just a little fuck up, not so serious” Chris shakes his head and giggles, until he doesn’t make eye contact with his girlfriend again.

“Jesus, I’m not quitting the band, I’m just disappearing for a while to ponder on this… little fuck up, ok? Bye” Mike turns around and leaves just like that, ignoring his friend’s complaints.

“Come on, let him go, let him chill out a little, everything will be alright in the end” the nameless guy adds and I can’t resist anymore. And, considering the hell that has just happened, I believe it’s my due to enlighten the atmoshpere.

“By the way, hi! Who are you? I’ve never seen you before” I stretch out my hand towards him, who gives me an obscure look.

“I’m Ray, nice to meet you” he takes his cigarette with the other hand and briefly shakes mine.

“He’s Angie’s dad!” Laura adds with a honestly unjustified enthusiasm.

“Oh really? Nice to meet you Mr Pacifico”

“Call me Ray, please”

“Ok, nice to meet you Ray, Angie’s such a sweet girl” I look at her as she smiles awkwardly and it’s true after all, she never bothered me or gave me problems, I mean, she even gave me useful information about Eddie. Anyway, that doesn’t mean I like her in any way. I find her boring and pathetic, the stereotype of the nerd loser who pretends to be cynical to be cool, and then? Here she is, the little girl going out and bringing her dad with her!

“I know, I know, and it’s all because of me of course! And you are…?”

“Oh right! Hehe that was rude of me. I’m Violet, Eddie’s girlfriend”

“WHAT?!” instead of his typical deep voice, Eddie produces a never heard before high pitched note.

“Nice ehm to meet you, Violet” Ray looks at Eddie, then at me, then Eddie again.

“it’s not true, why do you have to say that?” baby blues asks looking exasperated.

“Hahaha come on, don’t get mad at me, I was just kidding!”

“So is she his girlfriend or not?” Ray asks Stone, but I think Angie’s dad is getting old because what was meant to be said in a low voice is once again perfectly understandable.

“No, I’m not…” I answer in the same moment Stone shakes his head no “Yet”

Eddie must not have liked the word I added last minute, he stands up and it looks like he wants to leave too and everybody’s looking at him like they’re sure they’re about to attend another show. Eddie actually walks away, but as he does, without even looking at me, he grabs me by the arm and drags me away with him wherever he’s going to. I follow him without complaining of course.

Eddie stops right in front of the restrooms, then turns around and finally looks at me, his brow is furrowed though.

“I’d have chosen a nicer place to spend some time together, but…” I try and hug him, but I can’t.

“Violet, I thought I was clear the last time”

“The last time… right… When was the last time? We haven’t seen each other for ages” I pout.

“And there must be a reason for that, don’t you think?”

“Ah ah. Anyway, why are you keeping me away? I just wanted to console you, as a friend”

“Yeah sure”

“You’re alway so prejudiced against me…”

“And who knows why? Anyway, console me for what? I’m fine”

“For the thing about Meg. You can try and kid the others, but I know what’s really happening to you, I know you”

“Meg? What’s up with Meg?”

“I know what’s up with her and you do too. It’s a pity though, now that you could stand a chance with her, she doesn’t want to see anyone”

“You don’t know shit”

“Oh! You’re here… ehm, sorry, I just have to… you know... go…” an annoying voice interrupts us and it could only be the nerd’s.

“Hey, nice bag! Where did you get it? I want it too” I stop Angie as she’s walking towards the ladies room door.

“Thank you… well, it’s a present so I don’t really know”

“I wanna buy one for my little niece, I bought her one that was the shape of an ice cream cone, but she basically ate it. That little girl chews on everything with those four small teeth she’s got!”

“I can ask if you want. Now I, ehm, gotta go” Angie points at the restroom and quickly gets in.

“Why do you have to be like that?” Eddie asks and his looks is even nastier than before.

“Be what?”

“A bitch”

“Why? Umph, what did I do now?!” I puff and complain loudly.

“Your sister has a baby boy, you’ve got no nieces”

“Oh come on, it was just a joke”

“A stupid joke. You implied she’s a little girl”

“Jesus Christ, you’re so harsh, I was just kiddin’! Listen, I’m gonna apologize as soon as she gets out, ok?” I can see she’s a friend to him, but I didn’t think she was untouchable. I must be careful and avoid talking shit about her. It wasn’t that bad though, it was just a little innocent joke. I mean, if you go around with a camera-shaped bag you should expect it somehow, right?

“And you’re way off about Meg” Eddie changes the subject and he finally says something I’m interested in.

“Eddie, I’m not stupid, I figured out she’s the girl you’re into”

“Hahahahah you didn’t understand anything!” Eddie basically bursts out laughing at my face and his angry expression suddenly turns into an amused one. Typical hysterical reaction.

“Oh yeah, sure, it’s not her! It’s this infamous stranger I’ve never met!”

“Hehe ok, I told you a little lie: you met her and you know her, but it’s not Meg”

“Excuse me?” I think I didn’t hear right.

“It’s not Meg”

“No?” is he seriously telling me I made all this mess with Mel and Mike for no reason?

“No” he looks sincere.

Fuck.

“Who’s she then?” who’s the slut?

“Why should I tell you? So you can elaborate another plan against her too?” he says and he caught me.

“Plan? What plan? You don’t believe in Mike’s rant, do you?”

“But maybe if I told you, you’d just stop bothering me and accept it” he goes on, scratching on his chin, in a thinker pose.

“Yes, exactly! That’s why I wanna know, until I don’t know the truth, it’s difficult for me to turn the page, can’t you understand?” just say this fucking name.

“I don’t know…”

“Oh my god, is it… Laura?! Your best friend’s girlfriend!”

“Please, friends’ girlfriends are sacred!”

“It’s Grace then! Technically she’s not with Stone yet, so…”

“It’s not Grace. It’s a person who’s here tonight”

I instinctively look at the now far table of Eddie’s friends, the only girl left, apart from Laura, is Susan and it can’t be her, considering what he’s just said about friends’ girlfriends. Who the fuck is it? Unless…

“Wait, you said… a person… not a girl… shit, don’t tell me you’re gay?! Although that’d explain a lot…”

“Sure, since I don’t want you I must be gay… Violet, no, nothing bad about it, but I’m not gay. The person is actually a girl” he replies and at this point I extremely carefully examine the portion of the club that’s visible from the bathrooms.

“Who’s it then? The girl from the gallery? Is she here? I didn’t see her”

“It’s not her, it’s a girl you saw and talked to tonight” he insists and looks at me as if I was stupid but I don’t get it.

“Melanie?” shit, that’d be a hell of a plot twist!

“Holy shit, Violet, no! You really don’t get it? You’ve been here for a few minutes, you surely didn’t talk to hundreds of people since you got here!”

“The barmaid?” I ask after thinking it over for a while.

“NO!”

“Who is this girl then? Can’t you just tell me?!”

“IT’S ANGIE! ANGIE! I. LIKE. ANGIE.! YOU’RE PROBABLY THE ONLY PERSON IN SEATTLE WHO DIDN’T NOTICE I HAVE A CRUSH ON HER!” he yells at my face, so loud that he almost messes up my hair, and I’m dumbfounded for a while.

“Angie?”

“Yes! Oh, I feel better now that I told you. Thinking about it, you’re the first person I tell this… it’s such a beautiful feeling” Eddie smiles satisfied and I’m still confused.

“But… Angie who?” I ask, still in the dark.

“What do you mean who? Angie! The one Angie you made fun of five minutes ago!” he retorts pointing at the bathroom and this finally turns the lights up in my brain.

“ANGIE?! THAT ANGIE?!” I growl just one second before that nerd comes out of the bathroom.

“Yes, so what?”

“Here I am… ehm, were you talking about me?” the fat bitch walks up to us and the moment I see them, one next to the other, it’s like someone turned off another button in my head. A very peculiar button, since I start laughing. But not in a normal way, if not at the beginning. At first it’s a quite whispered laugh, but it soon turns into a sequence of incoherent barks, punctuated by equally loud attempts at breathing.

“Is it alright?” she asks, looking at me first, then at her sweetheart, and this just makes me laugh even more coarsely, getting me weird looks from the people coming from and going to the bathroom.

“I’m afraid not” Eddie shrugs and I try to stop and keep it straight for a moment, panting as I try, but then Angie opens her mouth once more.

“Did you take drugs or something?” she asks and I explode again.

I shake my head and leave, walking towards the losers table, where I left my bag, still laughing. They stop whatever they were doing or talking about as soon as they see me (or hear me) and don’t take they’re eyes off me as I take my stuff back.

“Violet? Are you ok?” that innocent angel called Laura is the first one to talk.

I nod without stopping laughing and as I walk away I can hear what Stone and Ray say.

“But… is it always like this when you guys go out?”

“Nah, actually tonight’s kinda toned down, nothing happened really”

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

“So are we going to this fucking bonfire party or not?” the bass player has just nodded and winked at a girl with curly hair I always see at our shows, then he’s like “Betty and her friends are coming over for sure”

“Where do you wanna go with this wreck?” I answer pointing at Jerry, bent face down on the table, his arms shielding his head. He’s been like this for half an hour maybe.

“I’m not going anywhere” mumbles our friend from under his hair.

“Haha let me tell you, man, I’m sorry but you’re so unlucky, you’re such a loser!” Starr, who’s really got a natural talent for cheering people up, pats the guitarist on the back a couple of times and he just moves his hands around to wave him off, without looking up.

“Actually… with all the people at the Rock Candy… you had to run right into Angie’s dad!” Layne remarks and at least he seems to have a little pity for Cantrell.

I have pity too, I see nothing seems to go in the right direction for him lately, but he can’t even keep on indulging in pity party.

“I told you not to go, but you? Nah, you always do what you want without listening” I told him to come here to the Ok Hotel, but he preferred to go spying on Angie who’s going on with her life without him, something he can’t do instead. Or maybe it’s just that he doesn’t want to yet.

“When I stopped doing what I wanted and started listening, that’s when all my problems started” Jerry quickly looks up to snarl at me, then he flops on the table again.

I shake my head and focus on my drink, while Layne tries to cheer him up with better argumentation.

“Come on, it’s not that bad… I mean, you didn’t tell him you were talking about his daughter. And I don’t think Angie’ll ever tell him, why would she?”

“Yeah, sure, you don’t have to worry about it, he will never now!” Mike goes along.

“Do you think so?” the voice from the underworld asks.

“Angie didn’t tell her friends, do you really think she’d tell her dead?” I add to reassure him more.

“You’re right, I’ve got nothing to be afraid of” Jerry straightens up and takes his hair away from her face.

“Unless it’s Angie’s dad who tells her something, then you’d be fucked up for real” Starr has a lot of skills, but being able to understand when he should talk and when he’d better shut the fuck up is not one of them.

“Oh fuck” Jerry’s once again face down on the table and now he’s even punching it.

“Hey hi Mikey!” Layne says hello to someone behind my back and in a few seconds Mike McCready shows up, looking like someone who had better days. He then take a seat at our booth.

“What’s wrong with him?” he asks pointing at what’s left of Cantrell.

“He thinks he made the shittiest figure of the century” Starr replies.

“I think?” whines Jerry.

“Seriously, I doubt her dad will tell her something: why should he tell her about the love problems of a guy who, as far as he knows, he’s just an acquaintance for her?” I try and put some order in this mess giving rational answers to Jerry’s irrational fears and it seems to work, since Jerry’s now sitting straight and looking at me.

“Right, why would he tell her?” he asks himself looking in the distance.

“Did you meet Angie’s dad?” Mike asks and Jerry reluctantly nods.

“Did you talk to Angie’s dad about you and Angie?” McCready asks again and I’m kind of surprised.

“You know that?” I ask and Jerry follows.

“How do you know?”

“Meg told me. When she still used to talk to me”

“Well, to me it looks like you buried the hatchet a long time ago, right?” Layne playfully chimes in.

“It was just dug up though: I fucked up badly” the guitarist says and the mood is dark once again. What’s happening tonight? This is turning into heartbroken club, what the hell!

“Did you tell Meg’s dad how many times you cheated on his daughter?” Starr asks sarcastically, earning a nasty look from Cantrell.

“No, much worse”

Now the Losers Anonymous meeting starts and Mike tells us about what happened at the Rock Candy with Meg and Mel. Meg and Mel, shit, he even chose two girls with a similar name.

“Well, but you took for granted that she knew, you didn’t lie, you just… forgot to tell part of the truth” Starr states, clearing his namesake friend from blame.

“But Mel asked me a lot of times about my exes and I told her, but I always avoided mentioning Meg… not because I wanted to hide it from her, but… I don’t know why, maybe because she’s someone I’m still hanging out with. Anyway I didn’t do it on purpose. And now she must think I did”

“Just tell her, explain it to her. I mean, not now, because she must be furious now, let her calm down a little then try to talk to her” it looks like I can’t undress the part of the psychologist of the group.

“Ok, but her who?” loser number two of the day says and I’m dumbfounded for a second.

“What do you mean?” Cantrell asks because he probably didn’t understand shit and I’m not surprised since he’s half drunk too.

“Who do I talk to? Who should I make things up with? Mel or Meg?”

“Uh! Well, you should know that” Layne flails his arms

“I don’t know though, I mean, sometimes I think I know what I want, but a minute later doubts are back”

“Guys, no offence, but it’s like the wailing wall here. I’m going to the bonfire party and I’d do the same if I were you” Starr stands up and snorts, with his usual tact.

“Meg said she wouldn’t go, but what if she changes her mind? And what if they’re both there? I can’t risk, I’m not going” Mike gives up.

“Is Angie going?” Jerry asks right away.

“I think so” says his bad luck buddy.

“Definitely not fucking going, sorry man”

“Ball and chain, that’s what you are! Well, come on, Sean, Layne, let’s go and leave these two crying over their usless lives alone”

“Uhmm I don’t know, I don’t really feel like going, I’ll just have one more beer then go home” Layne turns Starr down too, then goes to the bar.

“Ok, fuck you all then! What about you Sean, will you stand me up too?” Starr gives me a challenging look.

“Relax, man, I’m coming to that fucking party! But later, now it’s too early” I was honestly thinking about staying here just to make sure Jerry is safe, but since Layne’s not coming he’d take care of these two assholes.

“Anyway, it’s not about the cheating” Jerry comes out with this out of nowhere.

“What?”

“The problem’s not the cheating. I mean, also, but that’s not the worst thing I told him”

“The fuck are you talking about?” Starr asks as he lights up a cigarette.

“Angie’s father, what the hell do you think I’m talking about?!”

“How am I supposed to know? We were talking about the bonfire party then you say this totally random thing!” well, this time Starr’s right.

“And what’s the worst thing?” the other Mike, the sad one, asks.

“Fuck” in a second Jerry’s face to face with the table again and it takes us ages to pull him back up.

“Come on, Jerry, what did you tell him?” Layne is back with a beer for him and one for Mike and is suggesting to just spit it out.

“Please, what could you have said that is so bad!” I exclaim.

“Are you ashamed of your friends? Look, we’re already expecting the worst from you in general, no need to worry about shocking us” Starr manages to make Mike McCready laugh, Jerry’s still far from reaching that goal.

“I told him about… the sex”

“Sex? What sex?” Layne asks taken aback.

“Sex… between Angie and I”

“What? Are you crazy?!” Starr’s reaction is the most surprising one.

“You said you were expecting the worst!”

“Ok, but that’s ridiculous. Let’s forget it was Angie’s dad, 'cause you had no idea… but… fuck, you’re making small talk with a random stranger at a bar and you tell him about fucking your ex girlfriend?! That’s… sick!”

“I was mildly drunk! I was talking about her and thoughts just came… then he came out with the typical maybe you were fucking girls around because you weren’t getting enough from her and that’s when I started ranting…”

“Oh well, so you told him you were fucking with the girl who was your girlfriend, so what? Everybody fucks, I don’t think he was shocked or something” I shrug it off.

“So were you getting enough from her or not?” Starr asks and I never wanted to strangle him so much since I met him, and he gave me a lot of reasons from the very beginning of our friendship, when I wasn’t in the band yet and was dating his sister and he was always in the way, always following us around not to leave us alone.

“Mind your own fucking business!”

“Why? You tell strangers and not your best friends?” he retorts, pretending to be offended.

“Given the reaction, I think he did” McCready probably recovered a little because he found out someone’s doing way worse than him. And misery loves company, right?

“Yes, I did, I got enough, I got so much, we fucked every single day. And she was really good at it too! Are you happy now?”

“I’m not, I didn’t want to know really” Layne looks quite embarrassed.

“I am, for you, at least you got something from this senseless relationship”

“Mike, I swear to god, if you don’t stop I’ll punch your face so hard…” Jerry threatens our bass player.

“Hahaha come on, one can’t even joke now!”

“Joke with someone else”

“I don’t give a shit about how often you fucked Angie, but at least now I understand why you were with her”

“Shut up, Mike” I warn him and he snorts.

“Ok, sorry Jerry, didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I apologize”

“Ok, I forgive you, just shut up now”

“Anyway Sean’s right, you didn’t tell him anything shocking, you had a ehm lively sex life with your girlfriend, so what? And again, this doesn’t sound like a subject he’d later discuss with his daughter” Layne intervenes trying to calm Jerry and to prevent any other joke by our not so empathetic bass player.

“Yes, you’re right, no need to worry”

“Yes”

“Nothing happened”

“Exactly”

“I mean, something happened, but the only witnesses of this shitty figure of mine are him and I and he’s not even aware of the fact it was a shitty figure, and we’ll probably never meet again and none of us will ever mention the other’s name during any conversation”

“Oh! You’re finally coming to your senses then. Nothing bad happened, period” Starr encourages him.

“But I managed to make Angie angry, without doing anything” Jerry goes on with a desolate face.

“Why? What did she tell you?” Mike asks, he can’t believe he can actually forget his own problems and focus on his colleague’s ones.

“She didn’t tell me anything, of course! I ran away as soon as she arrived and we didn’t speak, but the face she made when she saw me sitting at the bar with her dad was enough”

“That doesn’t mean anything, she has a disgusted face every time she sees you, she’s already mad at you, you can’t do worse” maybe that was a little tactless, I took something from Mike Starr’s style this time. I’m just being honest though.

“Not too much worse at least” McCready adds.

“Say, worse than what you already did, that’s quite impossible” the bassist puts out the cigarette in the ashtray he borrowed from the nearby table.

“Ok but what if she thinks I did it on purpose? Look for her dad and talk to  him?”

“And why would you do that? To kill yourself?” I ask perplexed.

“That. And why do you care what she thinks anyway? Can’t you understand you gotta forget that girl? We’re tired of repeating you” Starr scolds him as he lights up another cigarette right away, blowing smoke in the guitarist’s face.

“Yeah yeah, I know, I’m not stupid! Angie’s done with me and she thinks I’m an asshole, but I don’t want her to think I’m… that much of asshole. Such an asshole that has fun torturing her and making her uncomfortable on purpose with… I don’t know… pants dropped down, pointless fits of jealousy, transmission of embarrassing sexual diseases, conversations about how good she was at sucking dick and ill-timed presents ending up in the dustbin and so on. As if dumping me wasn’t enough and she needed to, I don’t know, leave the state to prevent me from hurting her in any way” Jerry throws his banter addressing none of us in particular, just staring at the bottom of his longtime empty glass, from which he then tries to get a few more non existing drops of beer.

“And of course the examples you mentioned are just generic examples that actually have got nothing to do with your story, right?” McCready inquires, maybe kind of shocked.

“Please, tell us they’ve got nothing to do with your actual story… except for when you pulled down your pants and showed her your dick because I personally witnessed that sad show” Starr insists after Jerry just stared at McCready without answering.

Jerry still doesn’t say anything and his non answer speaks volumes. Silence takes over our table, but it’s temporary.

“You’re a fucking walking catastrophe, Jerry” Layne says after a waitress cleans our table from the empty glasses, giving way to a wave of laughter from Starr. And from me, although I try to hold it back.

“There’s nothing to laugh about, you jerks”

“You’re right, no, you’re right, sorry, sorry!” I wipe out the tears in my eyes with the back of my hand.

“I’m trying to open up to my friends and you just laugh at me, don’t complain if I don’t ever tell you anything” Cantrell grumbles and he’s got the biggest frown I’ve ever seen.

“No but, it’s our fault actually. Because we asked! From now on don’t ever tell us anything, please, don’t open up anymore!” Starr says between fits of laughter.

“You can count on that”

“Come on, you have to admit you’d laugh too if it was about someone else” McCready remarks and he’s not bending with laughter like us, but he can’t hide an amused grin.

“Oh yeah, sure, especially if it was about this two.” he replies pointing at us, then goes on with a wicked smile on his face “Or if you want I could have a laugh about the fact Melanie’s single now. Oh wait, would you give me her number? AH-AH-AH”

“Touché” Mike admits being defeated with a shrug, with no clamor.

“Ok, we’ve had enough, let’s just stop now. Let’s talk about serious stuff” Starr slaps his hand hard on the wooden table trying to bring back order.

“Finally, it was about time” Cantrell nods. He trusts our bassist too much.

“Let’s talk about Angie’s skills” and I knew we shouldn’t trust him at all.

“Shut. That. Fucking. Mouth.”

“Four words you never told Angie, right?” Starr is the worst and we can’t help exploding in a collective laugh once again.

“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU” Jerry stands up from his chair and, not founding any blunt object, wields the car keys he takes from his pocket.

“As I've always said, girls who’re not that good looking have a leg up on the others”

“I’M GONNA SLAUGHTER YOU LIKE A PIG!”

********************************************************************************************************************************************

“But are people allowed into this park at night?” my daughter asks as she walks beside me, holding the flashlight we’re sharing with Eddie and Stone.

“Sure they are. And the only reason we got in through a hole in a net, instead of a main entrance, is that we wanted to make it a much more exciting experience for Ray” Stone answers as we walk on through what started as a pretty wide country road and slowly turned into a narrow trail worming its way into the woods.

“Oh. So we’re doing something… illegal?! Angie, tomorrow you’re packing your bags and coming back home, far away from these criminals” I say keeping a straight face, seconds before I hear the sound of stumbling feet and if I didn’t see that the torch light is still and steadily illuminating the trail and the surrounding vegetation, I’d bet that it’s my daughter who tripped.

“Fuck”

“Watch out, Jeffrey, if you roll down the trail we’re all fucked up, we’ll go down like bowling pins!” Stone picks on his bandmate, who’s in another group behind our back, and I wonder how long have they known each other, considering that, from what I saw, these two are always picking on each other like wife and husband.

“I didn’t fall, but if I did I’d be careful to aim at you only”

“Now I understand why you said comfortable clothes.” Angie says with a vaguely shaky voice, I don’t know if it’s for the cold or a little fear of the dark “And the trail is icy in a few spots”

The place is actually really fascinating and I thank god for bringing a flash unit that’s suited for snapping pictures in this context, but it doesn’t look like the ideal setting for a night party in January.

“Be careful you too” I tell her, circling her shoulder with my arm.

“I know, I know, I don’t wanna re-enact Indiana Jones’ boulder scene in Raiders of the lost ark”

“Asshole” I feel Eddie combines his remark with some kind of pat or nudge, that’s luckily really light and doesn’t give way to the just mentioned movie scene.

A little further down the trail we meet a series of stairs, a sign that we’re getting closer and closer to the beach. The sound of the waves, the cold breeze, the music and the chatter of those who got to the bonfire before us are the other signals.

“Are we almost there?” my hopeful daughter asks, when a set of stairs ends and the trail widens a little in a small clearing with two wooden benches in the middle.

“Was she so impatient during trips as a child too, Ray?” Christopher asks from the third group with a torch, actually the first since they come first before us.

“Always”

“Anyway if these raspberry bushes weren’t so tall, you’d already see the beach on your left, enjoying a wonderful view” the guy goes on, sitting on the backrest of one of the benches.

“Blackberries” I correct.

“Huh?”

“They’re blackberries, not raspberries” Angie confirms, walking up closer to the bushes with the torch.

“How can you say that? There’s no fruit on them…” Jeff's girlfriend asks when the last group gets to the clearing too.

“Raspberry’s plants are not this tall,” my baby answers pointing at the canes, which must be over 6,5 feet “they’re just as tall as me when in bloom”

“And blackberry’s thorns are harder” I add.

“I didn’t know you were into plants and stuff” Eddie gets closer to my daughter to examine the bush with her. Yeah, for that.

“Really, who would have thought! After all, she just comes from the mountains…” Stone says ironically as he climb and stands on the second bench, trying to look beyond the high barrier of plants.

“Haha I’m an expert because I can tell the difference between blackberries and raspberries?”

“Why did we stop here? Come on, let’s move on or we’ll get there tomorrow morning” Matt, I think, the blond guy who as far as I understood plays in Chris’ band, urges us to stop wasting time and get back on the trail and he’s right.

“Well, in that case we wouldn’t break any law, since the park opens at 4:30 in the morning” Stone remarks as he jumps off the bench.

We’re resuming our walk and, after a few more minutes of thick woods and stairs, the plants along the side of the road starts to get lower and sparser, awarding us with the promised great view, but at the same time depriving us of the natural barrier between us and the wind. I stop to take a couple of quick pictures without stopping the group, but without losing sight of them not to be left behind alone. When I rejoin my daugher and I’m about to hug her again I realize good Eddie’s arm has taken mine’s place. As soon as our arms 'bump’ into each other’s, we both let them flail down and while I look at him amused, he’s staring at the ground and puts his hands in his pockets. Angie doesn’t seem to notice or mind, she’s much more focused on pulling up her hoodie on her head to shield herself from the chilling air coming from the sea. I can’t help feeling vaguely out of place here, ruining Eddie’s awkward attempts with my daughter, which could also work with the help of the starry and exceptionally clear sky, the moon reflecting itself in the sea and the pretext of the cold weather. That is of course if I wasn’t here.

“Luckily Violet didn’t come with us, she’d have broken a leg with her heels” Jeff’s girlfriend points out.

“Or worse, she’d have asked Eddie to take her down in his arms. By the way, can you tell us what you told her?” Stone asks and I guess it’s the twentieth time.

“Nothing, I just told her I’m not interested and to stay away” his friend replies, more or less like he did the other nineteen times.

“And why did she leave laughing like that?” he insists.

“I don’t know, she must have taken it well.” he answers, then immediately drops the subject “Look, that must be it”

Following with my eye the imaginary line that starts from Eddie’s index finger, the guys and I spot some lights in a short distance, an apparently big fire behind the trees and other smaller ones closer to the beach, and it must be the party we’re going to, unless other people around here had the same crazy idea. Now that the destination is near we quicken up our pace, instinctively, without anybody telling the others to do that.

“What’s that down there? A lighthouse?” Angie asks and pulls her scarf up a little over her mouth.

“Yeah, it’s the Westpoint lighthouse. And the other white things are the base buildings” Jeff promptly explains, as he almost runs, holding his girlfriend tight.

“Base? What base?” she asks curious.

“The military base”

“MILITARY BASE?!” she yells slowing down and killing what little was left of my hearing in my right ear.

“Yes, why?”

“We’re going to have an illegal party behind the military’s back?!” she exclaims shocked.

“Hahahaha but it’s disused now, it closed like twenty years ago” jeff reassures her, and me.

“Uh ok, for a minute I thought I had stupid friends”

“Now there’s the Coast Guard and the Navy there” Stone adds.

“I correct myself: YOU ARE STUPID”

“So, what do you think about it?” Stone talks to the rest of his torch group as soon as we get to the windy beach, probably because we’re the only three people not knowing the place.

“This place is amazing” Eddie says, his eyes fixed on the dark waves.

“Sure, although it must be much more amazing in summer, in the daylight” Angie complains, her face buried into her scarf.

“Oh we’re always here in the summer. Here or at Gas Works Park or Kerry Park. Or in Alki” Jeff points out, as soon as he sits down on one of the many logs on the beach, next to a small firepit.

“And why the hell didn’t you take me here in summer instead of today?”

“Because we didn’t know you then, we didn’t know if we could trust you or not. This is one of our secret spots” Stone says, putting his hands next to the fire to warm them up.

“You’ve known my dad for a few hours and you brought him here” my daughters looks at the fire as if she wanted to dive in it to warm up, then just sits next to Jeff, with Eddie tagging along and doing the same.

“That’s different, your dad’s cool” the little jerk calmly retorts before walking away towards the trees.

There must be about twenty people on the beach apart from us, maybe more than that at the bigger bonfire, but I can’t see anything from here, I can just guess it from the sound of voices and music. Somebody puts a beer bottle in my hand, I take a sip from that, then walk away to take some more pictures. The stingy wind has the ability of clearing up the sky, something which musn’t be that common here in rainy Seattle, and the white buildings Jeff was mentioning before look like they shine with a light of their own in the dark of the night, just like the sand itself on the beach, here and there dappled with stones, dirt, pebbles and tree logs. The small fires and the smoke coming from them make it all even more suggestive. When I get back to our previous spot I see that very few people stayed on the beach, the only ones left of our group are Jeff and Laura, intent on kissing, and for that I should just stay away and leave them alone. But the image is so involuntarily photogenic. And my beer's still there by the way. The flash light breaks the kiss and the lovers’ break gives me the chance to take my beer without looking like a creep. I walk towards the place with the main bonfire, a small clearing among the trees, strategically shielded from the wind by a big rocky formation that seems a scale model of the pointy headland I’ve just photographed. There’s a boombox playing Sonic Youth on one side, whereas other guys down there are playing something on guitars. The people are all sitting around the fire with blankets on their legs, drinking and eating from bags of snacks and chips. Among these people I spot my daughter and the guy who’s predictably sharing his blanket with her.

“I see you’re pretty comfortable here” the very moment I surprise the group behind their back, I see my daughter furtively stretching her hand towards Eddie, who does the same with Matt, who repeats the same gesture with the other guy, Kim, as if they’re handing each other something to pass on and make disappear. And I wasn’t born yesterday”

“Hey, did you take good pictures?” my daughter trying to dissimulate is one of the funniest shows to attend in life.

“Yeah. Now can I take a hit?”

“Oh sure” she answers and steals from Eddie the common tobacco cigarette he’s holding, handing it out to me.

“Not that, the other one”

“Which one?”

“The joint”

“Joint, what joint?” my daughter asks surprised.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Ray” Eddie repeats and he sucks even more than my daughter at lying.

“Joints? We don’t smoke joints” Cornell probably has more control over his voice tone, but with that face, now looking even more devilish thanks to the light of the fire reflecting on it, he’s not credible at all.

“Ok, so, whatever it is, can I have a hit or not?”

The joint slowly follows the same path as before, only backwards, only missing the last step and passing directly from Eddie’s fingers to mine. I take a small hit, 'cause I have no idea what these guys smoke, as I sit down next to my daughter and steal some of the blanket from the couple, just to upset Eddie a little. Not because I don’t like him, actually I do like him, he seems ok, but just to have some fun. The weed seems kind of strong, I just take another couple of hits, then hand it out to Angie.

“What shoud I do with that?”

“I don’t know? Write a letter to Santa? What do you think?”

“I don’t smoke”

“Yeah, sure. Come on, take it”

“That’s true”

“I have big news for you: wrapping roaches in aluminum foil doesn’t destroy them instantly, nor does it cancel them from the face of the earth. You’ve been smoking weed for a couple of years now”

“But dad!”

“Angie, I’m, well, surprised. You’re such a disappointment to us all” Stone perfectly plays the part of the dad I’m not.

“Ok, fine. But just from time to time” she admits embarrassed.

“I know, don’t worry” I reassure her, taking another small hit, then bringing it close to her lips once again.

“But I can’t do it… like this”

“Like what?” I ask confused.

“Like this… with you”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re my dad!”

“Then what? Right because I’m your dad, I would never miss the chance to smoke with my grown up daughter. Come on”

I know Angie’s so ashamed right now because she’s always so secretive and reserved about anything both with me and her mom and because everybody’s looking at us, but I also know that it’s a unique occasion. For our relationship of course, as a bonding moment, not for the weed itself, I mean, we could also share a chicken leg for what I care. Angelina, without talking, finally accepts my offer and lets herself take a couple of hits, before handing the joint back to Eddie.

“Here, are you happy now? Did your hippie dad’s dream come true?” she sarcastically asks.

“Hippie parents, I know something about that. I feel your pain and I’m not being ironical for once” Stone pats her on her back, while Eddie gives him the joint “I’m done with a hit and that’s it, since it’ll be up to me to take you all home”

Eddie and I came here with Angie on her car, Chris came with his girlfriend and Matt, the others half with Stone and half with Jeff. Jeff had said he’d be leaving early because he’s working in the morning, he also offered me a ride back to the hotel, since I’ll get up early too to leave.

“Are you the sober designated driver?” I ask him and I’m happy to know there’s one, although I know I can trust my baby.

“Yeah, but I designated myself, also because in a place like this I’d never put my life in the hands of this bunch of drunkards and stoners” he explains jokingly pulling Angie’s hood over her face.

“No, I’m ok like this too” she says as she declines the joint Stone hands to her.

“Don’t worry, I’m here too just in case” valiant knight Eddie volunteers for taking the damsel back home safe, who would have thought!”

“I’m here too, I gave up those things ages ago” says Chris’ girlfriend, who I later found out is also the manager of his band and other bands. Also the band of the guy I met at the club before… what was his name? Oh yeah, Jerry. Susan is a grown up woman and all of Angie’s friends aren’t kids anymore and I must admit I feel better knowing she’s hanging out with older people, not because adults are wiser or shit like that, but because they usually have already done the stupidest shit and don’t mean to repeat it.

“I’m glad to hear that, you might be drunk stoners, but you have a good head on your shoulders”

“So will you entrust your daughter to us? 'Cause that’s what it’s all about, right? That’s why you’re here for, I mean, all this progressist dad scene was just a test to see if you can trust her here in Seattle, am I wrong?” the joke is really Stone-style, but it comes from Jeff as soon as he joins us. Apparently those two know each other so much they can exchange parts.

“Fuck, you caught me. Yeah, I think I can put her in your hands”

“I won’t put myself in anybody’s hands!” she laughs it off, while Matt finishes the joint and throws the roach in the fire.

We keep quiet for a while, just staring at the fire, happy and lost each in our own thoughts.

“Anyway, if you really don’t feel like, don’t drive. You can sleep here after all, it’s such a nice place” I say after a while, with Kim Gordon’s husky voice in the background, without looking away from the flames and in this moment Angie takes my hand and holds it, very tight, under the blanket, unnoticed, without saying anything because there’s no need to talk, because she knows exactly what I’m thinking about right now…

“Sure, the ideal place to sleep at, pneumonia breakfast is served for free in the morning” the Stone-style joke belongs to him this time.

The party goes on, I take loads of pictures, I meet other people and I’m not surprised to find out they’re almost all musicians. Apparently music is everywhere in this city, in the air, in the water, in the soil, maybe even in the sewage plant nearby. I hang out with these guys for some time, there’s a jam session starting, even including me at some point, on a guitar one of them generously lends me, and we play Neil Young. I say bye when I feel I’m approaching that fine line between the little funny moment with an older guy and the intrusive old fart who acts like a kid at all costs. I walk back to the main bonfire and I see most of Angie’s friends are not there anymore: my daughter’s sitting at the same place together with Jeff’s girlfriend, whereas the others apparently engaged in a sort of climbing competition on a big tree not far away, which is almost resting against the rock. I take a picture of the girls that strangely enough won’t be blurry because Angie’s so into the conversation with her friend that doesn’t notice me, luckily. At some point, Laura takes something out of her bag, I immediately realize it’s a pocket mirror, and she tries to move it around so that she can see herself better at the light of the fire. In that moment, Jeff, who’s maybe the temporary winner of the climbing competition, runs towards the girls and takes his girlfriend in his arms, walking towards the beach and pretending to go throwing her in the water. Laura wriggles and squirms and Angie enjoys the whole scene smiling. She soon notices something on the ground and takes it: it’s Laura’s mirror. I feel like some kind of spy, as if I was stealing an innocuous but still private moment of my daughter, who doesn’t know I’m looking at her. I feel bad, especially when I can say the exact moment she sees her reflection in the small mirror. I can say it because the smile, which is still coloring her face after her friends’ love game, abruptly disappears and turns into… sadness. I can’t think of a more suited word. What I see is the saddest girl ever seen looking at herself in a mirror, but the worst thing for me is knowing I can’t do anything to change that expression. I’ve never wanted to command my daughter, I’m not a controlling father, I think I’ve never given her an order in my whole life, nor forbidden something to her, except for that time… Anyway, if there were situations in which I wish I could have control over her, this would be one of them.

“You’re beautiful” I tell her as I sit right next to her, after I wait for her to close the mirror and put it in her pocket.

“You smoked another joint with your new friends, right?” she now smiles and nods at the guy I played with before, but the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“You’re much more beautiful than her” my hand tightens on her shoulder, at least I try through her heavy coat.

“Are you kidding me, Laura is a hottie! Don’t say that to Jeff or he’d never drive you to your hotel: he’d let you die in the woods as a revenge”

“You’re more beautiful than your mother” I insist, taking her chin between my fingers and lightly forcing her to look at me in the eye, at the same time making sure nobody’s seeing or listening to us round here.

“Then it’ll be mom abandoning you in the woods with nothing, not even a loaf of bread to crubmle to find the way back home”

“I’m not talking about Janis… I mean your mom… the actual one”

“Janis is my actual mother” she retorts looking at me in the eye, being serious for the first time since I came here, for the first time in months actually.

“You know what I mean”

“Biological mother, I think that’s the correct word” she says, right back in the role of Angie the Detached.

“You’re much, much more beautiful than the one who gave birth to you” I repeat.

“Hehe sorry if I hardly believe you, considering that being beautiful was her job”

“Looking good is not enough to be a beautiful person. You’re a beautiful person, inside and outside, and I hope that all these nice people loving and caring for you will make you understand it better than me and your mother did, the one who didn’t give birth to you”

“That is, the true one” she adds with a smile, directed towards the fire.

“Yep” I do the same and let the flames hypnotyze me as I rest my head on her shoulder.

“What a great dad-daughter moment, do you think it was because of the weed?” Angie can’t be Angie without destroying emotional moments.

“Sure!” I exclaim sitting back straight and letting her scarf fall in the movement.

She takes it off to put it back correctly and as she does that I see something shining on her neck.

“What’s this? Is it new?” I ask her taking the pendant in my hand.

“Yes, it’s new, more or less, it’s a present” she replies, tensing up all of a sudden, then covering herself quickly with the scarf.

I smell a rat.

“A present from whom?”

“From Meg, it’s a necklace Meg gave me for my birthday” she reveals and as she does I see Eddie, who was walking towards us, stopping in his tracks a few steps away from us and giving a strange look at my daughter.

Something tells me the present was from him. Come on, Eddie, don’t take it bad, you should know her by now: sharing a joint for her is easier than sharing thoughts about a guy, especially if she likes him as she likes you.

“Hey Eddie, who won?” I ask him.

“I did… I guess”

*******************************************************************************************************************************************

“Tell me again why Grace didn’t come” since Jeff left with Ray, and Laura, Cornell decided to take his place as my personal torturer.

“Because she had a date… with a guy!” Angie exclaims in a clearly altered state. The same girl who was ashamed to hold a joint in front of her dad, has drained the booze stash after he left.

“You mean a guy who’s not Stone?”

“Exactly!” Angie tries to stand up, but she visibly staggers and she’d fall head first into the fire if Eddie wasn’t there, ready to grab her and hold her tight. Ah what a sacrifice, but someone’s gotta do it, right Eddie?

“If you believe I give a fuck, well, keep up with your little show, huh. But I warn you, you’re wasting your time and breath” I press the side button of my watch to lighten up the display: it’s 3:30. No date ever lasts so long. Anyway, she could as well come over later. She could as well bring this guy over, I’ve got no problems with that, maybe she has. If she found someone who’s crazy enough to overlook the whole dadaist chair thing and keep his mouth shut only to get laid, well, good for her. I can’t shut up, I can’t ignore her weirdness, it might be nothing big, but it’s a lot of little weird things and they’re really a lot and they’re absurd. I bet the guy she went out with tonight doesn’t even notice them instead, doesn’t even see them, doesn’t want to see them, to him she’s just an average girl, an ok girl you can have the combo dinner+movie+fuck with, not a crazy girl with two fishtanks with no fish instead of windows. He doesn’t even see the fishtanks… or the sticky note on the chair… or the semicolon tattoo… not even the stuffed animals. He doesn’t understand who’s standing in front of him, he doesn’t understand a fucking shit. But it’s not my business anyway.

“Mark? Is this the time to show up at a party?” the chance to drop the subject presents itself in the shape of my ex bandmate, whom I see slowly approaching from the trail.

“Gossard! You should know this is the ideal time, showing up at a party before 3 a.m. is so bourgeois” I’ve never been happier so see Arm since Green River split up.

“Nice beanie… or is it an orange flavored condom? I’m afraid you didn’t press out all the air at the tip though” I remark pointing at his flossy beanie, which has some kind of unexplainable bump on top.

“I knew you wouldn’t appreciate it as much as it deserves, after all Jeff is the expert about hats. Or the expert about anything that’s not himself.” he snaps back with his diagonal smile and I love him, I really do, I mean, we’d been sharing the stage for years and we’re friends, still there’s some kind of rivalry and picking on each other and I think it’s good to a certain extent “But Idaho is here too. Hi Idaho!”

“Hi guy who calls people by the name of the place they come from! You’re lucky I wasn’t born in that Welsh city with the longest name of the world… what was it… Llanfairsomething” Angie replies and is unusually talkative, something which doesn’t surprise those of us who already saw her drunk, but surprises Eddie a lot. He looks at her clearly fascinated and terrified at the same time.

“Actually Idaho as a nickname is all Kurt, I just humbly use it” Arm brings a hand to his chest and fakes a sort of bow.

“Cobain? I should have guessed it, such an imaginative name couldn’t have been created by the mind of someone who calls himself like a limb”

“Or a verb!” I add.

“Or a weapon!” Angie goes on.

“A part of a record player!” me again.

“What’s this? Did I arrive just in the middle of your creative process? I thought you had stopped writing songs this way, Stone”

“Actually now they prefer the exquisite corpse technique” boozy girl explains as Arm sits down right next to her and steals a beer from our stash.

“A surrealistic band? And I thought you were writing words on small squares of paper and mixing them in one of Jeff’s hats to pick them up later in a casual order”

“No, actually the corpse is Stone’s after the fifteenth change of a chord. The others kill him and write a song about the whole experience”

“And then? Does he resurrect each time rising from his ashes like a phoenix?”

“Well phoenix only rises anew once every 500 years, so.. I hope so” the dwarf says, laughing at my face with Mark.

“Now it looks like I know the release date of the album of… what’s your name?”

“Mookie Blaylock” Angie speaks before anyone else, basically spelling every single letter, maybe even the ones who’re not there.

“But we’re changing the name” Eddie points out and he probably didn’t even notice, I mean he surely didn’t, but he slowly got closer to Smurfette from the moment Arm sat beside her. But is it just me noticing everything or is anyone else blind?

“They’re gonna use exquisite corpse to find the band name too” Angie says nodding at herself.

“Exquisite corpse seems a perfect name itself already” Arms takes off his terrible beanie, trying to tame his messy hair in the wind.

“Now it looks like I know the name of the next Mudhoney’s album” Angie repeats Mark’s previous joke and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Copying someone else’s joke using it against them is a definitely outdated method to win an argument”

“I thought that to win an argument with you it’d only take some arm wrestling”

“Hey you two, just stop it or get a room!” Cornell chimes in with no tact at all and Eddie must not appreciate the way he does it, or the words he uses, since he delivers the fakest little laugh I’ve ever heard.

“We’d better not, someone’s gonna end up in jail” Angelina replies, pointing the neck of her beer bottle against Arm’s nose.

“But weren’t you of age? At least, that’s what Stone had published in every newspaper of the state a few months ago” Mark winks at Angie, something Vedder likes even less.

“Exactly and coming of age also means becoming legally prosecutable in case I commited a murder” Angie’s devilish smile mirrors Mark’s amused one.

“Are you sure you’re friend with these people? You look too smart for these guys”

“Trying to win an argument pretending to let the other one win and complimenting her seems a too predictable technique, even for a so called ’alternative’ musician” final shot by Angie who wins it all, even though she’s so drunk she irritatingly draws air quotes with her fingers.

“Haha no, I’m not pretending, I swear, you won, I bow down before your superiority!” Mark raises his hands, then has his beer bottle clink against Angie’s in a sort of toast of defeat, before standing up from the log “I’ll go and have my revenge on someone else, good night”

The conversation with Mark, or maybe alcohol, consumed much of the energy of Angie, who’s now sprawled out all over Eddie and he’s surely not complaining. He just sits there, hugging her, cuddling with her by the fire enjoying its warmth and writing something on a pocket notepad with his free hand. How the hell does he write in the dark?

“What are you looking at?” Kim scares me to death, coming out from behind a bush.

“JESUS CHRIST… where did you come from? I had a heart attack!”

“I went to pee, sorry if I didn’t think about sending a warning signal”

“What’s going on?” Chris and Matt come along, probably because of my screams.

“Nothing, Stone thought I was a mountain lion or some other wild animal. Anyway, what are you looking at?”

“Nothing much, just the lovebirds of the day”

“And who would they be?” Gossip Guy Cornell is obviosly interested in the latest news.

“I’ll give you a hint: one is an alcoholic teenager, the other one is an exiled sufer”

“Eddie… and Angie?!” Chris looks dismayed.

“I’m not surprised, I often see them together” Matt admits.

“And what about Cantrell?” Thayil asks, strangely interested in gossip too.

“Cantrell was dethroned by Goldenlocks and dismissed forever” I diplomatically explain.

“Actually, she used to be hand in glove with Jerry, now they ignore each other” Cornell admits.

“But one of them needs to wake up and take action or they could go on with this secret lovers bullshit for ages” I snort wiping some sand off my boots.

“I bet ten bucks she’ll take action first” Kim states after pondering for a long time.

“Nah, I say Eddie first” Chris rebids.

“I say Eddie first too” Matt says.

“Eddie for me too, Angie couldn’t tell a romantic advance from a court order”

“Mark Arm’s got such a big mouth” shit-faced Smurfette remarks as Vedder’s giving her a piggyback ride along the trail. Thank god he’s here, I couldn’t carry her and neither could the others right now. Without Vedder we’d have ended up sleeping on the beach like Ray suggested. Ray is fun, I kind of like him, maybe it’s because he’s a lot like my dad, well sort of, especially in giving shitty names to their children.

“Sure he has, Mark Arm is the biggest big mouth of Seattle, ask Jeff!” I giggle.

“That guy’s always been like that, always talking, often too much” says Cornell too.

“You’re the one to talk!” we all cry along.

“No, I didn’t mean metaphorically. I mean, his mouth is big, in the sense of… his oral fissure” the girl slurs, but pronounces oral fissure perfectly.

“Well, yeah, I guess” Matt doesn’t know how to respond to Angie’s nonsense talking.

“He’s got a really nice mouth, nice lips. I like him.” I swear to god I heard Eddie trip over something and half stumble in this exact moment, I’m not making it up “He should be called Mark Mouth instead of Mark Arm”

“Well, then he could as well be called Mark Nose, considering the dimension” I joke trying to keep the torch straight and not letting the love-alcoholic tragedy that’s taking place behind my back distract me.

“YES! THE NOSE TOO!” Angie raises her head, which she had kept resting on Vedder’s left shouder until now, and fidgets so much she slightly throws him off balance.

“Hey, calm down, you and your mini hormones!” I rebuke her while the others laugh.

The others minus Eddie.

“Ok,” Angie puts her head back down and lets Eddie carry her in peace “anyway I like men with a big nose. And with a big mouth”

If Eddie’s hands weren’t busy holding Angie from her legs, I think he’d put them on his face to take measures. Given his expression, he’s struggling with the urge.

“Ok so, who takes the responsibility of convincing her this whole conversation did actually happen once she’s sober? I don't” I go on as I walk up the trail, until I notice the others have stopped. I turn around and pointing the torch at them I see them standing still, staring at me.

“What’s wrong?” I ask confused.

“Right, what’s happening? Why did we stop? I wanna go home…” Angie whines, looking up and around in a more delicate way this time.

“Big mouth and big nose, huh?” Cornell looks at me and folds his arms, then looks at Angie, then me again, then Angie, and the others follow this exchange of looks to, at least until she doesn’t figure out what they’re thinking about.

“OH GOD, PLEASE, NO! FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” she complains, looking like she’s about to throw up, something which would also be plausible considering her close encounter with drunken stupor.

“Hey, what’s that disgusted look on your face? Why?”

“Stone, don’t pretend to be offended because I don’t have a crush on you. My dad’s not even here to help you”

“I’m not offended, darling, but the fact you’re not desperately in love with me doesn’t allow you to look at me like you’re looking at a pile of stinky socks. Jeff Ament’s stinky socks”

“Jeff Jeff Jeff… how come you always have Jeff in your mouth??” Angie keeps whining and doesn’t even notice she accidentally used a double entendre, but I point the torch at my friends as if it was a weapon, silently threatening them not to make any comments.

“Well, in such a big mouth…” Matt whispers, causing some hushed laughs I pretend not to hear.

“Who knows if Grace likes guys with a big mouth…” Cornell goes on and I’m tempted to give them the wrong directions and let them fall off some cliff.

We finally get to our cars after a long walk, which actually seemed shorter than the walk to the beach though. That’s strange, it should be the opposite, since we’re now tired, partially loaded and walking uphill. The plan is the four of us will follow Eddie, who’s driving Angie’s car up to her apartment, where we’re gonna leave Cornell and Matt, and Kim too 'cause he’s crashing at their place to make it faster and easier. After that, I’ll take Eddie home before going back to my place. As I start the car I can’t help noticing Vedder right in front of us who carefully puts Angie in her seat and and even fastens her seatbelt, walks around the micro-car, takes the driver’s seat, regulates the seat and while he regulates the mirrors he’s clearly pulling faces sticking out his tongue as he looks at his reflection.

And I thought he was right in the head. And maybe he was, before meeting Angie. And us.

[ace-reviews]

shut up, shinpachi

Episode: 168: A Human Body is Like a Little Universe

THE STORY THUS FAR: tama became video games

Boy howdy does Sorachi ever love the hell out of Dragon Quest. This is the third or fourth DQ parody thus far. I’m not complaining (I also love Dragon Quest), but I think the only property it’s spoofed more is Dragon Ball. That oughta teach me to think something a mention of something seemingly completely random during the preview is just a non sequitur. You’d think I’d’ve already learned that lesson by now, but apparently I have not.

Anywho, Tama is pixelated, so Our Heroes have to embark on a Fantastic Voyage plot to fix her, even though they know nothing about how she works and the guy who does know didn’t tell them anything or bother tagging along. Aside from the Gintama silliness, it’s a solid DQ-esque plot, in that there’s a clear goal from the beginning, and the rest is just getting there. God, Dragon Quest is so great you should go play it right now.

Shinpachi yelling at Gin-san for how he likes to play RPGs is annoying but I already went into a long rant about his fanboy shit so I’m not gonna go into it again.

Tama’s security system being based on Dragon Quest explains why she kept making Dragon Quest references in her first appearance. I never expected a gag to be given an in-universe reason for existing (beyond “it’s funny”) but there you go. 

In case it’s not already obvious, I love this arc to death. It’s the best sort of parody, in that it reflects both understanding and love of the subject material, whist also being fucking hilarious. The Leukocyte King looking like Gin-san because he’s “the strongest person [Tama] knows” is beyond precious.

Next episode is more Tama Quest goodness. Till next time.

[wendyimmiller]

Experts Expose the Deadliest Garden Writing Tools! And Five Fabulous Coneflowers that Defy News Feed Blues!!!

July 15, 2020

Cincinnati, Ohio

Dear Marianne,

Thank you so much for your letter dated June 26th. During this chaotic, busy time, it reminded me that I’m still in this relationship, and just as importantly, it reminded me why. I’ll explain this a little later on.

Before I do, I want to address my Facebook overshares. I’ve been accused of this before, and I have brought it up with health professionals. Mental health professionals. Through this I’ve learned new things about myself. Some of it is rather technical, but the short answer is that my oversharing is caused by vodka and tonics. Thing is, my life is hard. Very hard. I live in the Midwest. Where everything sucks. Everything here can either kill you or leave you begging that it does. The Midwest especially hates gardeners. So the drinks are well-deserved, and the things I then say on Facebook are what they are. I do get “likes,” but, to be honest, I’m never really sure if they are true “likes” or just feeble reactions of worried “friends” who don’t know what else to do. Besides, it’s only Facebook. Not like anyone sees it or as if anything could ever come back to haunt me. Right?

This Rant is a bit thin on horticulture, so I’m providing a parallel theme of beautiful Echinacea in photos and captions. This is Echinacea Fiery Meadow Momma.

Another thing before I continue. Apparently, I need to justify vodka and tonics over gin and tonics. That’s fine. I can do that, and it will all be based on things I know to be true. Yes, while gin is basically an English vodka, the addition of juniper berries and other various spices give it a unique flavor. By carefully crafting their recipes, gin makers offer their customers interesting and lovely tasting experiences. Literally, millions of people the world over, English and those they’ve colonized, truly enjoy gin and tonics. Few are faking it. And yet, despite all this, there are some very good reasons why some people cannot drink gin. Mine is that at age 15 I drank way too much of it. Spent an hour, maybe five, enduring the trauma of my body trying its damnedest to expel the entirety of my digestive system onto the asphalt of a drive-in right off the Mosteller Road exit in Sharonville, Ohio. Forty five years later, I’m still unable to disassociate the one thing from the other.

Echinacea Sombrero Orange, it is said, cures hangovers and even prevents teenagers from making poor choices!

So, for me, it’ll remain vodka and tonics, and, my, aren’t they refreshing on a hot day! It doesn’t bother me in the least that the sole purpose of vodka was (and sort of still is) for peasants to make alcohol from whatever spare rotting vegetation was lying around the village, and that the less it tastes like that from which it was sourced, the better. And while I realize that you were probably being snarky when you suggested I resort to Everclear, there’s actually solid reasoning behind your comment. But in my defense, however, I feel compelled to mention that I’ve never made a habit of buying the expensive stuff.

One more stray item before I try to address the real essence of your letter. You referenced the band Cake. Recently, my son has been trying to get me into them, which led me to the horrifying realization that I might be old enough to be your father! Imagine, then, my relief when I remembered that we’ve managed to keep things platonic between us! A trophy girlfriend just wouldn’t work for me. I’m not confident anymore, and just too damned gross. But it did get me thinking about our relationship, as it sometimes seems an odd one. To me, although you are younger, it feels like you are more worldly, learned, and a million times more mature. This makes you the sage. Me? I’m just an (average, at best) student. This gets reinforced every time you correct me when I get parts of things wrong, as I frequently do, or when I get all of it wrong, which also happens. Additionally, you have introduced me to many new things.

Echinacea Purple Emperor.

Case in point, I understood nothing in your letter after the parts about gin and Facebook. I have to admit that almost everything else was like it came from another world. I literally spent days afterward googling the various topics. I questioned friends and family too, and once a random stranger in the park before I began to feel even vaguely acquainted with stuff like Search Engine Optimization, Yoast, and something about worms.

Echinacea Kismet Raspberry.

So, SEO is why all the crap that shows up in my Google feed is written so strangely! And badly. Worse, it felt to me that you also effectively argued that tools like SEO, which exist merely to land any lame writer prime real-estate on a million billion feeds, are to good writing what roomfuls of Macedonian teenagers, their online accounts stuff with thousands of rubles worth of bitcoin, are to honest and intelligent American political debate. It is inevitable, I think you continued, that between them, such bad garden writing and those horrible Macedonian kids capturing the spare-minute attention spans of a million billion lemmings on their feeds, that mankind is doomed to witness the loss of basic human decency, the end of civilization, and fewer and fewer articles by Monty Don. If this is indeed what you were saying, I think you’re on to something!

Echinacea Evening Glow.

But I’m not exactly sure what I can do about it, other than to not care. By this I mean that I write to write, and always have. Even as a kid, I just wrote. All of it crap. As a young adult, I wrote more crap. No voice. No wisdom. Nothing to say and so profoundly aware of it. Eventually I found a passion in horticulture and scraped together some knowledge, and even a little confidence in that knowledge. An utter lack of pride and absolutely no ability to hide anything gave me something that might resemble a voice. Years and years of so many poor decisions infused me with maybe a bit of wisdom. Or at least some good stories. End result is that only now at age 60 am I able to even like some of what I write. Just enough to keep me at it, And just enough that I’m not going to change how I do it. Although, it turns out I might be using too many exclamation points! At least according to a paragraph deep into your letter.

While still in my previous life as an airline employee, I took some part-time jobs in nurseries to learn plants. These were not jobs I needed, and the experience was somewhat enlightening. All the crap that bothered employees who needed their jobs, didn’t mean anything to me. Disputes, rumors, conspiracies, and whatever else that were whispered during down times meant nothing to me. I just didn’t care. If my last day on the job was this one, so what? This informs my approach to garden writing. I do it because I love it, and that’s why I’ll keep doing it. Sure, it would be great if my stuff gets read, and making some money would be really nice, but I’m not going to stop if none of those things ever happen. I’m just going to continue, and I’m going to write as I want it to read. Key phrases or whatever else be damned.

Echinacea Sombrero Lemon Yellow.

Once in a while the best way to play the game is to not play it. This feels like that to me. Today’s glazed glossing of a paper thin spray of half truths will grow old, and a new way will come that might, in fact, look kind of old. I hear the millennials are all listening to Cake on vinyl. Maybe today’s grade-school kids will grow up knowing that quality garden writing is really cool. Maybe they’ll even prefer books. And they occasionally go to a neighborhood shop to buy one. Maybe one from Christopher Lloyd. A few weeks later, one of yours. Possibly even one of mine. Of course, I’ll be dead, but at this point I’m perfectly okay with my genius being discovered after I’m gone.

  Experts Expose the Deadliest Garden Writing Tools! And Five Fabulous Coneflowers that Defy News Feed Blues!!! originally appeared on GardenRant on July 15, 2020.

The post Experts Expose the Deadliest Garden Writing Tools! And Five Fabulous Coneflowers that Defy News Feed Blues!!! appeared first on GardenRant.

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[gin-astro]

Hello! Gin here. I want to apologise for being away and not positing art. My health is very bad and my mental state is not the greatest.

I'm doing my best though! I'll be here reposting sometimes and replying etc.

Sorry to anyone who sent in asks and I didn't reply, I am not ignoring you or anyone, I'm just taking my time and I will answer once I can!

Love you guys here on tumblr, been the best and the most supportive people ever. I can't wait to start posting a lot more again and getting back in!

One step at a time though!

Have a lovely morning, afternoon, evening or night<3