#goes in a pair with that one kevin piece I posted

[risha-png]

Winning streak.

[mystxmomo]

can you…write…kevgar… again.. please…

im not asking for a 100k words, 100 is enough for me.. please…

😭💔😭☹️☹️🥺😭😭💔😭eyyeus eueue 😭💔🥺🥺

Okay so like. I do actually want to come back and write something once this event wraps up, because I'm genuinely kind of baffled at how much we're being... like given? It's sparking some ideas. No promises on it though because I need to write being carried by the muses and the tides.

Edit: Also this art at the bottom is REALLY cute I forgot to mention it at first. Thank you for. Letting me see them....

Anyway. I can do you one better than 100 words. Back in like. 2022, I was working on a massive Hanahaki Kevgar AU. I ended up dropping it because I explored what I was interested in with "As the pieces fall into place" (Aka erectile dysfunction au) and was pretty happy with what I had + I think I used chunks of this dialog in that fic (So if some of that looks familiar thats why). However, I also had like. A REALLY NOT INSIGNIFICANT part of this fic written?

Thought it would sit around and collect dust forever in my docs, but you and I both know how sad the state of the Kevgar tag is in. Here's what I had of it put together. Again, I can't stress enough. This is unfinished. But it's also uhhh. Almost 5k words of unfinished? So hopefully some of it still scratches at your brain, even if it's just a draft.

"Original Authors note: 

Hello there main friend group, extended twitter friendgroup, and three random strangers in my puter that this pairing will appeal to, I hope this fic finds you well.

Basically, I saw a tumblr post maybe a year or two back that talked about the idea of Hanahaki not as a lethal disease, but instead a chronic one. The idea that it’s a manifestation of your emotions, and your emotions aren’t going to kill you, but by damn they’re gonna be a bitch to deal with. Especially if you keep shoving them down in a little box and avoiding them. 

Basically the flowers are a metaphor. It takes away from the tragedy but adds an angle of nuance that I as a writer find personally enjoyable to navigate and play with.

AND I thought to myself. Man you know who would be fun for that? Gay Kevin."

===================

Edgar Valden is real pretty, is the main thing.

Frustratingly so. Men, let alone men with personalities as rotten and cruel as Valden’s shouldn’t be allowed to be as pretty as he is. 

But he is, and it’s an issue. 

He’s also. Ah… Small. Frail enough to tug at Kevin’s heart strings in a way he’s not entirely comfortable with. He catches himself thinking about that mid-match, Edgar dizzy enough from a recent hit not to fight being carted around on his shoulder. A head smaller than Kevin, and lighter than some of the ladies, Edgar is easy on his arm and warm against his shoulder.

The first time he realizes it, the illusion is immediately ruined by Edgar catching his barings, and begins to kick and struggle out of his hold and cuss him clean. But a sickly, uncomfortable feeling settles in his stomach, and eventually even the most private of Kevin’s thoughts always have a funny way of haunting him. It’s easy to hate him when he’s standing in front of you, sneering and glaring like the bullheaded swine he is. But out on their game field, when the adrenaline runs so heavy his blood goes cold, and Edgar is flying around the field with the same amount of speed and dedication that he takes to his art, it becomes harder to separate pretty from fragile. And late into the night, when Kevin’s thoughts have a tendency to haunt him the most, there’s no escaping it. He prefers it to the guilt that plagues the back of his mind at those hours, but it sits at the pit of his stomach with the same amount of discomfort and nausea as that guilt does. And that guilt, inevitably, turns to rage.

And rage always comes back to frustration. 

When he starts hacking up petals and blood, he doesn’t think it’s Valden. He doesn’t think it’s anyone, really. 

//

Emily tells him that it’s called Hanahaki.

“I’m surprised you’ve never encountered it before,” She says, as a general musing.

“I’ve heard of things like it,” He says, “You tend to hear a lot of rumors n’ stories while travelin’ around. You can’t take everything at face value, y’know? Thought it was closer to tall-tales.”

She nods, her brows furrowing together. She tends to get like that when she’s deep in thought. Sort of snappy, and certainly less patient. But she hasn’t gotten to the point that she gets after they finish their matches, running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Instead, it’s quiet pacing.

“Our body has an odd way of reacting to…” She tilts her head, carefully considers her words before she says them. She’s smart like that, “Emotions. Stress. Eventually, it manifests itself physically,” She gives him a concerned look, “Has there been any changes in your life?”

He gives her a weird look. Permanent state of stasis they seemed to be trapped in, their changes were rare and minimal. He had less games these days then when he’d started here, and most of the new personalities at the manor were a respectable sort. To his silence, she almost rolls her eyes. Almost. She’s professional enough not to.

“Ayuso, it could be anything. Have the games been worse recently?” He gives her a stranger look for that one, and she tuts, runs her hands back through her hair and messes up her otherwise pristine looking bun, “Honestly, I’m surprised we haven’t gotten a case of it in the manor sooner. Maybe because of how isolated we are..?” She considers it in silence, and Kevin thinks it would be wrong to interrupt her. But then she’s turning to look at him, “Can I see those petals again?”

Raising a brow, he takes out the handkerchief he’d collected them in. It’s from a personal favorite outfit of his, and at first he’s not actually sure what she’s looking for. Because she brushes the petals off to the side, and raises the cloth to the light, and what she says next concerns him more than anything else about the conversation has, “It’s an abnormal amount of blood for such a minor case,” She mutters, stares, “You did come to me immediately, right?”

He huffs laughter. His throat hurts, “‘Course, course. I didn’t see petals and think it was normal.”

She glares, “Don’t get smart with me, Ayuso. I swear, some of these people could come down with consumption and avoid me for it…” She sighs, and her shoulders fall, “Is it growing thorns…?” 

“Is that possible?” He asks, and feels somewhat foolish for doing so. Of course it is. She wouldn’t have mentioned it if it hadn’t been.

“It’s not unheard of,” She says, and steps forward to hand him the handkerchief back. When she looks over at him again, it’s with a certain amount of sympathy he rarely sees on her face, “You should be fine, but…I won’t say it will be pleasant.”

He chuckles, and it comes across as weak and forced, “Ms. Dyer, I may be something of a foolish man, but I don’t think anyone is foolish enough think flowers in your throat are a’pleasant experience.”

She rolls her eyes at him, “Let me see what medicine I can find. I might be able to kill a few of them off for you…”

//

He doesn’t want to acknowledge his unfortunate reality, but the first time he vomits up fist fulls of flowers, he’s in a match with Valen

It’s not a good match. Emily goes down fast. Kevin doesn’t have time to get across the map. Mike tries to pull off a rescue, but Michiko is faster than he is, and a bit more clever to boot. Edgar manages to pull something off with those paintings of his, but Kevin’s never been any good with the technology in the manor, and by the time Emily’s out of the game they barley have two ciphers done.

With Michiko distracted by Mike, it gives him the chance to slip away with Edgar. He knows Edgar took a bad hit, because he stays limp over his shoulder rather than attempt to fight and squirm against him.

(He’s warm, something whispers in Kevin’s ear.)

“There you are,” Kevin draws, and drops him on the ground with no amount of care or subtlety. Edgar stumbles back a few steps, attempting to blink away the lightheadedness that comes with these matches.

“... Thanks,” Edgar says, quietly, and brushes himself off at the knees. Though he’s doing well to hide it, he has an embarrassed blush on his face, and he needs to lean back against the crumbling wall to keep his balance. 

Kevin reaches out to steady him a bit better, and Edgar shoots him a look that could kill. 

“Go decode, I’ll catch my breath and find a way to distract her again,” Edgar turns to give him an odd sort of look, the normal irritation that shadows over his face mending away to something else entirely. Though what it is, he’s unsure, “We can probably still save this if I…” He’s trailing off, a distant, manic look to his eye as he does. It answers none of Kevin’s questions, and only increases his concern, and when Edgar kneels on the ground it’s to fuss with something in his hand.

He’d not noticed it before, but the painter already has a syringe in his hand. He must have scavenged the supplies from Dyer's chair, because he’s already trying to find a vein with shaking, cold-nipped looking fingers.

And like a pendulum swinging back and forth, his irritation washes back to sympathy. And with that sympathy comes guilt, and nausea. 

Kevin steps forward, and grabs his arm for him. Edgar immediately tries to pull away, but Kevin is stronger than him, and it only takes tightening his grip to get Edgar to still. Edgar squirms under his touch, and something in Kevin’s head equates him to being no different than one of those squeaking barn kittens that didn’t know threats from friends and so they yelled and hissed at anything that grabbed ‘em.

“Hold still,” he says, his voice strained, and Edgar does glare at him this time, “Save the supplies. Y’might need it later.”

Edgar lets him. Patch him up. He can’t argue with strategy, and their playing field is the uncomfortable equalizer. To Kevin’s discomfort, Edgar spends the entire time staring at him with this ugly, uncanny look.

…

“You’re hurt,” Edgar says, suddenly, and reaches out to grab Kevin’s face. Edgar’s hands are soft, and but his touch is not. His thumb brushes against his mouth, and he’s surprised to find that it comes back with blood. He doesn’t remember tasting it. Maybe he’s already so used to it, that he’d just not noticed it, “When did you take a hit?”

A smarter man would be able to come up with an excuse on the spot. It’s not unusual, afterall, to end the match covered in your teammates blood. Especially ones that run as poorly as there’s. Especially with Kevin’s position being as it is.

Kevin is not a smart man. He’s dull, and a coward.

“I’m fine,” He snaps, and pulls back from Edgar. Feeling suddenly quite defensive, he feels his lips curl up in defiance. It’s all show, really. Because underneath it, he can’t deny the sudden surge of nerves and panic and fear. He’s never been any different or any smarter than a cornered animal, but most men in his position aren’t.

 Edgar’s hand lingers in the air, fingers oddly delicate despite the blood. And Edgar stares at him. He stares at him for a long time, his eyes distant and hollow and cold, “Okay,” He says, and his tone is odd when he says it. Like Edgar doesn’t entirely believe him. And when Kevin thinks he’s going to leave it at that, he clarifies with, “Okay. You don’t have to tell me. Whatever. Just- Go decode. Maybe I can still save this for us, you useless asshole…” 

And Edgar trails off, stares at the spot of the snow where his own blood has dripped on the snow. 

There’s no fight left in him after that. There should be. This is the part where Kevin normally feels anger and discomfort at the mans provocation, where they ruin their match and draw the hunters ire. It’s normally the part where irritation takes over sensability.

Instead, Kevin stumbles away feeling nauseous. He doesn’t decode. Decoding would be the smart thing to do, and he is not a smart man. A cold sweat crawls over his skin, and he’s shaking hard enough that he’s having trouble staying upright. He feels it, in his throat and in his gut. Something cutting into his flesh, like the way a cats claws would dig into skin.

He makes it behind shack, before he needs to stop and stable his weight on the wall.

It’s petals and blood mix on the ground in a ugly red soup, chunky and red with rotting petals and cuts of flesh. He wheezes in an attempt to catch his breath, but he finds himself dizzy for it. Eventually, he needs to kneel on the ground and rest his head against the wall, unable to keep his eyes open without risking another fit. The cold weather of Leo’s is as much of a sting as it is a comfort on his throat and skin. And just when he thinks he’s settled his head, he lurches again, the cycle repeating all over.

He doesn’t realize the blood rushing in his ear is the hunter until he feels her cold hand on his back.

“Oh dear..” Michiko says, and her voice is soft on his ear, “This is where you’ve been hiding.”

Michiko is a sweet sort of lady. She doesn’t take the chance to knock him out over it. Instead, she lingers behind him and ushers him in the direction the dungeon must be, stopping him from falling over himself twice in the process

He’d not realized she’d found Edgar. She must have. By the time she guides him over to the dungeon, it’s already open, the wind blowing out of it. He drops into the dungeon without as much as a tip of his hat, and there's this cold, empty feeling that sits in the bottom of his stomach.

Valden was going to kill him.

// Editors note: These next sections are unfinished, but I still give everything I had for you. Anything that has a "...." Around it was supposed to have more of a lead in.

Edgar doesn’t kill him.

But also Edgar doesn’t talk to him for a while, after that.

He doesn’t talk to him. He expects a fight out of it, but he stumbles into the room so pale and dizzy that it draws the concern of Emily immediately. 

[Edgar picks a fight with Emily because he's confused and irritated]

“Come on now Valden, don’t give her a hard time ‘cause you’re in a shitty mood,” He steps in between them, and Edgar snarls at him.

“Don't fucking touch me,"

...

Something clicks into place in Emily’s gaze, something Kevin barely catches himself. She looks at the two of them. Opens her mouth to say something. A scolding, maybe.

Then closes it, her eyebrows furrowing.

//

The first time he coughs up a stem, he cuts up his throat so badly he can’t talk.

Perhap's its for the best. He feels uncharacteristically irritable about the whole thing, as the rose thorns hook into his throat and restrict his breath.....

“Ayuso…?” Edgar calls out, and he sounds surprisingly… small. It pisses him off. 

“Just-” Kevin draws in a long breath, holding his head in his hands, 

Edgar lingers in the doorway for a few seconds, blinking dully. He looks away, “I was going to ask if you’re alright.” He says, sounding short with him. “I thought….” He trails off, stares at him for a long time. His gaze burns into Kevin’s skin

“Nevermind,” Edgar grumbles, and pushes past him. It’s with a harsh shove, and some smarter part of Kevin thinks he might deserve it. But some ugly, more stubborn part of him only makes him angrier. 

//

....

“Of course I know what hanahaki is,” Edgar says, and the door closes with more force the necessary, “The droll hopeless romantics in the arts don’t know how to shut up about it.”

“You don’t hate me?” Kevin’s heart swells.

“Why would I hate you?” Edgar wrinkles his nose at him, “You’re annoying, and I wish you’d learn how to shut the hell up. But thats really not different than any of the other dumbasses that populate this manor."

Unsure of whether or not to be relieved or to scold the man, Kevin laughs. He feels light headed.

“Want to hear somethin’ funny?” Kevin doesn't wait for a reply, “I don’t…. think I hate you.”

Edgar takes a moment to process that. Then laughs at him. Loudly, and full body. It’s sharp on his ear, and as ugly as it is pretty. Perfect, for a man like Valden, “That's what you’re so worked up about?” He asks, and steps forward to look him over. 

“You’re fuckin’-”

“You’re throwing around children's insults and throwing up flower petals over the fact you might not hate me. Ayuso that’s- Ridiculous. Tell me you see how ridiculous that is,” He says, and his smile is hidden behind his hand. Kevin feels ill looking at it. Because even when he’s mocking him, that smile causes his stomach to turn and nerves to creep under his skin. 

(His smile is, while at first perplexed, otherwise sincere. It’s something rare to see on the man.)

And he- he doesn’t understand. Edgar doesn’t know. He doesn’t understand what this means for Kevin, he doesn’t understand the severity of that acknowledgement. 

Kevin barely understands what this means for himself. 

Kevin lunges forward and grabs him by the shirt. He kisses him.

Edgar looks startled. At first, he panics, and Kevin has acute awareness of the way his hand grabs at his shirt and wrist. He doesn’t pull away

But eventually, he calms as Kevin does. His hand moves from his chest to his jaw, cupping his cheek like it actually means something to him. His hands are soft, and Kevin’s are not. Kevin’s lips are chapped, and Edgar’s are sweet. It causes guilt and disgust to rest in his gut all the same, and instead of rage, it just sinks and sits there. 

When he pulls away, Edgar is giving him a distant, careful look. 

Kevin stares at him with exhaustion, pale in the face and ill in the stomach.

“Oh. You taste like blood. Come here.” Edgar says, and his hand lingers on top of Kevin’s wrist, on his cheek, thumb against the corner of his lip,

Edgar kisses him again. It doesn’t help, but Kevin still indulges in it like it does.

...

When Kevin breaks away, he’s shaking.

Guilt. Disgust. Anger. Discomfort. There are butterflies in his stomach, like the first time [his lady I forgot her name] grabbed his hand and smiled at him.

Fuck.

He pulls away, and he vomits.

Edgar is quiet this time. There’s no mockery, and no cruelty. He watches him with a blank expression on his face, hand drifting like he's unsure whether or not he wants to touch him again. Then, he kneels down next to him. A warm body against his side, a soft hand on his back, rubbing right up between his shoulder blades.

“Hey,” Edgar says, “Go to bed, Ayuso. We can talk later.”

His eyes burn.

Edgar helps him over into bed, and sits on the edge of it until he falls asleep. 

They don’t talk about it.

//

He tries to talk to Patricia about it.

“Mother once told me that love was something you chose to do. People think they fall in love. And maybe there’s some honesty to that. But love is conditional. It’s as much of a choice as cruelty,” Patricia says. She looks toward him, frowns, “But I will admit. You seem to have been born strictly to challenge that idea.”

Kevin can’t help himself. A smile hesitantly pulls onto his lips, and he says, “Y’think?”

“That’s not a compliment. Moron,” Her tongue clicks against her teeth, but her eyes soften on him.

“I don’t know. It sort of sounded like one.”

...

"Listen, Kevin. And I am begging you to listen closely. Because I'm going to tell you something I wish, more then anything, someone had told me," She struts forward, placing her hands on either side of his cheek. The touch is gentle, but firm, guiding his gaze to hers. She has to gaze up at him to look him in the eye, but when that meets, hers narrows on his with an almost predatory look.

But then it falls. Her lips twitch down, and her hands fall, "It's okay."

He laughs, "That's it?"

She considers her next words carefully. Instead of snapping back at him, there's a patient, creeping look to her eye, "It's okay that you're uncomfortable with this."

And his blood runs cold.

Something must change about his expression, then. Because she sways forward again, closer than before. She swallows, slow and collected, "It's okay to feel disgusted with yourself, and it's okay to feel guilty. That's outside of your control. I need you to think about that, because I know you don't understand it. What you're feeling now is- it's fine. It's just... Fine. But if you sit there and let it eat you alive then you're better off dead."

....

He coughs.

And coughs again, . He’s struck with a sudden wave of exhaustion.

He ... Sits down. He feels winded.

He holds his head in his hands.

"I don't think this was ever about Valden," He says, and his hand scratches at his throat.

"Maybe not," Patricia shrugs, "Maybe it was. You'll have to be the one to figure that out.”

//

He extends an olive branch.

"Do you wanna come drinkin' with me tonight," Kevin asks, and he holds back a grimace as he asks. 

Edgar looks at him weirdly, "Not really," He says, too fast for Kevin's heart to handle. But then he continues. Not in any consideration of Kevin’s immediate heartbreak, but because he muses outloud to himself more than he doesn’t, "It gets too loud in Demi's bar. That room is too damn small sometimes. That doesn't sound even remotely relaxing."

Kevin pauses.

"It can just be us," he offers, and takes a small step forward, "I ain't exactly picky about where I drink. If the bar is too loud I can come on up to your room, or you can come up to mine."

"..." Edgar turns to look at him, and his gaze glimmers with a curious interest, "Why don't you come by my studio tonight with some wine."

For a minute, the guilt in his heart is replaced by those soft, lovely butterflies that scatter and crawl about. 

“Alright.”

//

....

“Oh, it’s you,” Edgar wipes away the paint off his arms, and nods him into the room. Kevin offers him a suspicious, quiet look, but steps forward.

“Hurt my heart, Valden. Soundin’ so disappointed I showed up.”

“I didn’t actually think you would,” Edgar says, like an admittance, “Sit down.”

Kevin does.

“I hope you don’t mind if I paint you while we drink,” Edgar says, pouring the wine Kevin brought into two cups. And Kevin - he grunts.

“Now I didn’t exactly remember that bein’ part of the deal.”

“Sucks.”

Edgar extends the cup out for him to take. Kevin does. Their fingers brush, and Kevin’s entire arm buzz with the nerves that come from it.

Edgar works in silence, for the most part. It’s awkward, and uncomfortable. Kevin falls into sharp coughing fits, and Edgar without fail will wrinkle his nose at him, come on over, and wordlessly tilt his head back to the position he wants him in. His touches are soft, and careful. Calculated in a way that Kevin doesn’t often see on him. The wine aside, Edgar has tea prepared for him, which surprises him. Given that Kevin arrived so late, it’s mostly luke-warm. Edgar doesn’t bother mentioning or apologizing for that. 

He finishes off a glass of wine. Then another. It just further succeeds in giving him that uncomfortable, sticky feeling he’s never been good at handling.

Edgar stares at him, and Kevin feels that gaze crawling across his skin. The room isn’t warm, but it might as well be.

“I’ve never been good at portraits,” Edgar admits to him, suddenly, his gaze lowering to his pallet. Kevin waits for him to continue, but realizes that on his on he probably won’t.

Despite himself, he prompts him.

....

His gaze is tired. His figure is stiff, “I’m not good at this, Ayuso. I’ve never been good at this. So I’ll be forward. I don’t know why you’re here, and it’s really hard to convince myself of any explanation that seems reasonable.”

Kevin's throat itches. Edgar looks up at him.

“What are you asking me, then?”

“I don’t know.” Kevin says, “I don’t even really know what I want outt’a this, if I’m bein’ honest with you.”

Edgar rubs his eyes. It seems tired, “Fuck me, you’re so fucking stupid sometimes,”

Kevin feels that anger, that kneejerk horror, and he moves to stand. There’s a snarl on his lip before he knows it, as the embarrassment passes over him

“No, no. Jesus- Get that look off your face, I wasn’t insulting you. You just- Are.” Edgar’s jaw sets. His paintbrush slams down, and with it, Kevin stills. He looks like he has a headache, “You are.” He repeats, sharply, and more firm.

“How is callin’ me stupid not an insult?!” 

“What else am I supposed to call you when you act like this!?” 

Kevin stares at him in disbelief, and Edgar throws his hands up in the air. He holds his head in his hands and closes his eyes, and there’s this short, uncomfortable silence between the two of them. It passes. It always passes. 

Kevin gets up to leave.

Edgar catches his hand and stare at him. Kevin hadn't realized he could move that fast, or maybe that he'd been approaching him to begin with. Kevin turns to snap at him, but when their eyes meet he feels it all die out.

“Sit down,” Edgar says

Kevin.... sits.

[The note in my drafts here just said "Second Base" With no other context]

He feels. Guilt. For for wanting him like this. 

And, above all else, guilt at placing himself in Edgar’s life. Guilt for his feelings.

He coughs. 

Kevin nudges Edgar off of him, and for a moment Edgar’s eyes flash with panic and - To Kevin’s mild horror, betrayal. But Kevin doesn’t have time to sit on it. He rolls over and, as he’s become so accustomed to, hacks and coughs until vomit and blood and whole flowers pool out of his mouth. At first in chunks, and then and into a puddle on the otherwise clean cloth. It tastes like rot in his mouth, stinks like the mush thrown at hogs. 

When he comes back down from it all, Edgar is next to him folded on his knee’s. He has a hand between his shoulder blades, tracing sweet little lines into his back. 

When Kevin breath’s again, he’s surprised. 

His hand is still near his mouth, covered in the ugly [visceral] and gore. 

Kevin think’s Edgar will leave him as he did before, especially when he leaves his side and mumbles about not needing to do anything tonight. But to his surprise, he comes back. He has a rag in his hand, stained by paint but otherwise clean, and a cup of water. Edgar takes his hands between his own again and mindfully begin to clean it. His nose wrinkles up when his hands touch a little too close to the gunk, but to Kevin’s surprise, he still works to clean them.

It’s been a while since anyone’s done that for Kevin.

He feels emptier for it.

...

“Didn’t think someone like you would have the stomach for this,” Kevin says, eventually, when his body no longer betrays him.

“... My sister used to get sick when she was younger,” Edgar says, 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” He looks ahead, rather than at Kevin, “The maids were supposed to take care of her, but I…” Edgar trails off, his fingers twitching. Kevin doesn’t push him about it. He has a few stories of his own that he wouldn’t want told.

“Sorry ‘bout your uh-” 

Edgar looks down at the vile, and wrinkles his nose, “Why are you apologizing? It’s just spare bedsheets. They were probably Balsa’s anyway,” 

They sit in silence.

Kevin is the one to leave.

//

What he hates most, he thinks, is that Edgar isn’t wrong. Kevin can’t deny his own attraction to the man at this point. That’s why he was here, wasn’t it? And there’s such shame in that. He was better than that. 

He doesn’t have a defense for himself. He says, "Is it hard to believe I find you kind of- I don’t know. You’re interesting?"

Edgar's nose wrinkles. His face blanks over. God that's - infuriating. He does that when he realizes he's not going to be getting his way, that he's maybe not as right as he thought he was. Kevin knows this because Kevin's argued with him before, "What could you possibly find fascinating about me?"

“I don’t know yet,” He answers, weakly, and Edgar gives him a look with disbelief so thick he can cut through it. His throat feels dry. Not even the stuffy, clogged dry that could get him out of this, but instead an uncomfortable, distant feeling that has him falling silent and still. He wants to raise his hands up and touch them to the other man's shoulders, but just as much, he finds his hand paralyzed at his sides.

Edgar tries to take pity on him.

“Ayuso, that’s not- It’s not an accusation,” Edgar says, slowly, “It’s just what it is.”

Kevin draws a long breath in. It's patient, and careful, "You were okay with me using you like that?"

"You weren't using me," Edgar sounds annoyed, but there’s confusion there, "I want to fuck you. If I didn’t want to fuck you, I wouldn’t be here.”

Kevin flinches at the vulgarity of it. Maybe it's just how sharply it contrasts the emotions of the conversation, but he - He does flinch.

...

Edgar steps closer, so that they can sit next to one another. He's still and uncomfortable. "Okay."

Kevin laces their fingers together.

There's no guilt for that.

[cosmicspacewidow]

Finding A Home Chapter 2

Summary: After landing the role of a lifetime In the film Black Widow 2, Cade Jones goes to LA where he meets Scarlett Johansson and Elizabeth Olsen. During the summer they film the movie and Cade plays Scarlett's son but over time it's not acting anymore and Scarlett and Lizzie find the missing piece of their family, but not without a lot of bumps along the road. This story is set in a real world with real people mixed in with the MCU movies alternate universe that is also set in an omegaverse, so Alpha Beta and Omega dynamic as well as non-sexual age regression, abuse, and violence. This is a bad summery just give it a read if you want.

Pairing: Scarlett Johansson/ Elizabeth Olsen

Word Count: 5,979

Chapter: 2/?? (36 chapters posted on AO3)

Chapter Trigger/Content Warnings: Mention of Abuse, Violence, Non-Sexual Age Regression, and Bullying.

Chapter Summary: Cade meets Scarlett and Lizzie at dinner and of course it doesn't go as he expects.

AO3 Chapter LINK

ENJOY

Chapter 2: Overcoming Obstacles A Step Towards Trust

Scarlett’s POV

The last couple of months had been probably one of the busiest months in Marvel history. Immediately after the release of Endgame, Marvel's stocks dropped over 45% in less than 12 hours. The entire Marvel fan base all across the world was protesting the ending of the movie. Nobody was happy about the deaths deemed necessary for the story. 

After finding out that Robert Downey Jr, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Evens, Paul Bettany, and I tried fighting Marvel very hard on not killing us off, it only enraged the fans even more. Marvel had not said anything about it until the ComicCon when they announced that The movie black widow was supposed to be released soon and it would be the last installment featuring The Black Widow. If people were mad about Endgame then this was nothing in comparison.

Disney's stock dropped again within 5 hours of the news, it was so bad of an overall loss for the company. Everyone at top levels was freaking out trying to figure out what to do. It was the next day when I got a call from my lawyer, Scott Harkin, and my management team urging me into an emergency meeting. 

In that meeting I was told that there were rumors of a second black widow in the works and the possibility of bringing the Natasha back from the dead. It was clear the new generation of viewers were coming into a realization of the power they had over these big tycoons like companies. My team and I came up with a contract and deal for what we were going to ask for if Marvel did end up coming to us. 

We were asking for better pay, benefits, safer set practices, more story and creative control on my part and no more than 12 hour days for everyone all terms including the full crew no exceptions. Before we could even leave the meeting my manager Claire had gotten a phone call from the executives at Marvel. They indeed wanted to start developing a second movie, and my team was firm on our terms and got every single one of them before signing on to another contract with the studio. 

Marvel was pushing this movie fast to bring back up their stocks and profit margins but it was  still a slow climb for them because fans were wary of the studio actually following through with the rumors of a new black widow movie. Marvel was just lucky to already have a script written years ago so it didn’t take long for production to get underway. There was some last minute casting decision but I'd been assured by Kevin Feige himself that this was going to an amazing cast and crew.

I was sitting around a large table that was filled with many people I'd like to call part of my family. There were a couple big wigs joining us tonight including Kevin Feige and the Russo brothers and the new director for the movie. Ben Canon or something like that. I'd never worked with him before and even requested the same director as the first movie, Cate Shortland, but there was a scheduling conflict Marvel wasn’t willing to work with. 

Other than that it was all people I’d call my pack Florence Pugh, Rachel Weiz, David Harbour, Ray Winston’s, Elizabeth Olsen, Chris Evens, and Jeremy Renner. The main crew was all here except for our newest addition. I haven’t heard much about him other than he absolutely blew everyone away with his audition and fighting skills and really had a natural talent for acting. 

Kevin had explained to me that he was a great find and had said he was very unique and extremely shy and very new to the industry so I suggested we do a welcome dinner so he could meet everyone in a relaxed nature. 

We had all gotten settled at the table and we were all catching up with each other when the main door to the room opened and the host led a young teenager into the room. He looked nervous and I would have been too if a bunch of strangers were all staring at me like that. The moment was broken when Kevin stood up and made his way over to the boy.

“There you are! Everyone, this is Cadence Jones, he’ll be playing Anton Romanav, the son of Natasha.” Everyone said a chorus of hellos. The boy smiled and waved.

“Hi... you c-can just c-call me Cade.” He stuttered out quietly.

“Oh yea that’s right.” Kevin announced as he remembered something.

“Cade here has a bit of trouble speaking sometimes but I’ll tell you when you see him act you’d have no idea.” Kevin continued as he ushered the boy inside the room more to sit down. Each seat had a name place so his designated spot was in between me and Lizzie. I could tell Kevin's comment about him speaking embarrassed him by the way he looked down at the floor from the moment on. Once Kevin and Cade sat down the conversations at the table started back up so I turned to him and decided to properly introduce myself.

“Hi there, I’m Scarlett. It's nice to finally meet.” I said to him and he shyly smiled back at me and nodded as if he was saying likewise. 

“Oh my goodness aren’t you just adorable?” Lizzie said on the other side of him scrunching her nose up like she always did. I watched as Cade turned to her, blushing a little bit before ducking his head down in embarrassment. I gave her a look.

“What? He is?” She said with a shrug and a smile. Lizzie was the sweetest person ever. She was very soft and funny like a little puppy but when she needed to be it was like a switch flipped and a little pitbull would come out all bark no bite ultimately a sweetheart. 

“Babe, don't embarrass him like that.” I told her and she just laughed and shook her head.

“You’re right you play his mom it should be you to embarrass him right? I’m Lizzie Olsen by the way.” She teased and a small chuckle left Cade’s mouth. He pulled out a laminated card from his pocket and passed it over to me. I scanned the note and Kevin’s comment made more sense. 

It read in a nice and fun font with colored text, Hi I’m Cade I have an anxiety disorder called selective mutism. I am unable to speak in certain social situations. This is not a choice, it's an involuntary response, I’m not being rude.

“Can I pass this around the table?” I asked him so everyone can have a slightly better understanding of our new cast mate. He thought about it for a second before nodding.

I passed the card over to Lizzie and she read the card quickly too before passing it to Chris sitting next to her. He wasn’t in the movie and neither was Lizzie, ever since we started dating Lizzie and had Chris become besties even though I knew him longer and he was my friend first they were always together in their free time as of late. As the card made its way around the table nobody seemed phased except until Jeremy got a hold of it.

“How does that work?” He asked, looking at Cade. The boy picked with his fingers for a moment and was about to say something but it was Kevin who spoke up first. I felt a small growl in the back of my throat come forward as I looked at Jeremy. I knew him, we were friends, but he was an older guy and thought anxiety was for the “snowflakes” of America so I’d have to keep an eye out.

“I asked that very same question but I'll just send you the audition tape and I think all your questions would be answered.” Jeremy took that for an answer and we all fell back into a comfortable conversation. Everything was going well and about ten minutes later the waitress appeared with the appetizer and the drinks some people ordered when we first arrived.

“Okay guys are we ready to order?” I heard her ask the table, looking around no one was really paying her any attention except for myself, Cade, and Lizzie who were closest to her.

I was about to say yes that we all were ready taking control of the room but I noticed Cade beside me start to panic a bit, the stress on his face was evident looking around for a menu as his leg started to furiously bounce under the table. This is when I realized that he never got a menu in the first place.

“Actually, can we have some more time to look it all over? I think we’ve been too busy catching up so far but Umm Cade? Would you like to put in a drink?” I asked the waitress and then turned to Cade. I took my menu and slid it in front of him, flipping it to the back where the drink options were. I slightly pushed out some calming pheromones into the air to get him to relax a bit.

His shoulders relaxed a bit as he scanned the menu for less than a second before looking up at the waitress like he had something to say but it wouldn’t come out and then looked back down at the menu and shook his head. He was giving off the most anxious scent I've ever smelled in my life.

“Are you sure bud? You can just point which one you want or you can whisper it to me or something.” I didn’t mean to call him that, but he seemed nervous and I wanted him to feel comfortable. I could tell he had something in mind and I just wanted to encourage him however possible.

It seemed the waitress had picked up Cade's lack of communication and tapped him on the shoulder. She tucked her notepad in her apron and started making hand signals towards him. He brightened up and started signing back to her. They seemed to have a small conversation and then she grabbed her notepad and started writing.

“Okay one hot chocolate and a glass of water coming right up. I’ll be back.” She said before turning and leaving. 

“That was cool, can you teach me something?” Lizzie asked Cade. He seemed surprised but nodded. He pointed to Lizzie and then started to spell out her name with sign letters as he very quietly talked it out.

“L. I. Z.Z.I.E th-that’s  Liz-zie.” He explained his voice was soft as he spelled her name out but the two of us could hear him. Lizzie tried to copy his hand movements. He smiled and nodded as she practiced for a bit and then asked him to teach her more. He didn’t seem to mind but I knew he still hadn’t looked over the menu and the waitress would be back soon.

“Liz, why don't you let him pick out what he wants to eat first before he teaches you anything else?” I asked softly not trying to be commanding or dominatining the two, but trying to switch gears a bit.

“Oh gosh yeah sorry about that I get so excited sometimes.” She said to Cade he shook his head and signed something.

“I know that one he said it’s okay.” Lizzie said happily as Cade nodded to say she was correct.

I nudged the menu and he looked down at it for a minute. He seemed to just be staring at the first page not necessarily looking through it much like he did before with the drinks. His leg started bouncing again under the table and Lizzie and I both gave each other a look. Lizzie herself had anxiety so we both were hyper aware of the cues of anxiety.

Cade's POV

Dinner wasn’t going as horrible as I thought it was going to be but I was still highly stressed. I did relax a bit after Lizzie had asked me to show her some sign language. Not many people are so interested in finding ways to communicate with me so it was nice to see her instantly try. She seemed really sweet and Scarlett too. Being in their presence felt really comfortable just knowing them for less than an hour. However I got anxious all over again when Scarlett suggested I take a look at the menu and pick out my dinner. 

I didn’t feel that hungry as my stomach was in knots but as I looked at the menu again I knew I wouldn’t be able to order anything from here. It was written in cursive and even though I was pretty smart with the way the letters blended together I could never form a correct word and I never learned it in school. With all my moving between foster homes I figured that lesson was missed. I felt my chest tighten and my leg start to shake as I faked looking through the menu but Scarlett seemed to know what was up and questioned me about it.

“Are you okay?” She asked me softly and my nose was filled with a calming scent radiating off of her as I looked up quickly nodding, not even thinking about it before answering.

“I’ll be honest, I can tell that's not necessarily true, I’m a human lie detector.” I looked at her nervously, nobody could read me like that. 

 And it made me wonder Why did I lie? I felt comfortable with her and Lizzie and that was rare. Unlike most people they didn’t seem bothered by my anxiety or lack of speech. So I took a couple deep breaths to steady myself and I cleared my throat and I remembered something that Striker dad used to alway tem me. Bravery can even be found in the smallest moments, not just the big ones we see in movies,

“I-i can’t read cursive.” I said in a little voice dejectedly I was embarrassed to look at them so I looked back at the menu and the small cursive font it was in. 

“I can read it to you or I could ask for the kids menu. I'm pretty sure that it's not in cursive?” Scarlett suggested and I felt myself perk up at the idea of a kids menu. They were easier with better choices and always so fun to color on.

I quickly remembered where I was when I felt myself slipping into a weird headspace where my brain started to go fuzzy and pushed that feeling down. It wasn't an unusual feeling but it was one i knew to always lead me into trouble with Kenneth and Joyce, sometimes I would find myself slipping in a more submissive and younger headspace than what I actually was. Kenneth would always say that it was the devil trying to take control of me. And that I had to resist temptations. It was usually easier to keep this side of me at bay but today I was tired, still in pain from the fall and very much overwhelmed so it was harder to resist. I could only imagine what it would be like to slip in front of all these adults I'm supposed to work with. I’d probably be fired on the spot so I shook my head and tried to pull myself up.

Lizzie’s POV

I watched as Scarlet offered to read Cade the menu for him or get a kids menu. For a second he seemed to brighten and relax at the sound of a kid's menu but then immediately shakes his head and looks down at his lap nervously before rubbing his temples. He definitely wanted that kids menu but was too embarrassed.

From the second I saw him walk in I felt a need in my chest to take care of him and watch out for him so I had a feeling his status might include being a little. Scarlett and I were both caregivers and it was widely known that when in the presence of each other caregivers and little could sense each other. 

I looked over to Scarlett who had seemed to be thinking the same thing I was. She didn’t say anything else to Cade. I just watched her get up and head out of the room. A minute later she came back and sat down. She placed a piece of paper and a box of crayon in front of Cade. He immediately lit up looking shocked at her. She was a Dominant Alpha like that, whenever she could tell someone she cared about wasn't going to speak up for themself she would naturally do it for them.

“Thanks.” He said before grabbing the crayons and opening the box. Just like any kid he had one track mind and coloring was the objective. It seemed he forgot about the original task which was to pick out some food. 

“Whoa there,” I said to him, placing a hand over the one he was coloring while getting him to stop and look at me. I gave him a little smile.

“How about you pick out what you want to eat first and then you can color?” I asked him, he huffed and pouted for a second and went to start coloring again. Scarlett stepped in and took the crayon out of his hand and flipped the page over to the food menu.

He let out a little whine, turning his pout over to Scarlett. Thankfully another five seconds and I would’ve caved and let him continue to color. His pout was too cute and she stood a better chance with him.

“Here let's look at the options and we can color in which one you want, okay?” Scarlett said to him he thought about it before nodding and looking at the menu with Scarlett. Each item had a little picture of what the food was so as they looked Scarlett read the menu off to him. He didn't seem too convinced but nodded to her.

“Okay so they have salad, meatballs, spaghetti, chicken nuggets, cheeseburger and grilled cheese? Which one sounds good?” He grabbed a yellow crayon and started to color in the grilled cheese.

“Good choice, grilled cheese is the best, Scarlett makes the best grilled cheese there ever is.” I told him and he smiled. He tapped the rest of the crayons looking at Scarlett for permission to now color.

“Yeah. Go ahead now.” She said to him and he smiled and turned to color in the rest of the food items. I got sucked into a conversation with Florence and Jeremy for a little while until the waitress came back in and brought Cade his hot chocolate and water before taking everyone's dinner orders. When it got to Cade's turn he got visibly nervous again he immediately dropped the crayon he was using and started picking at his fingers and he couldn’t get any words out, Scarlett stepped in and she grabbed the crayon he dropped and gave it back to him, turning his attention back to the page before ordering for him.

“He’d like the kids grilled cheese and a side of fries please.” Scarlett told her as he colored, the waitress wrote the order down and continued on. We all continued to talk and have a good time together and within no time our food was coming out and everyone dug in.

After finishing our food we all continued to talk and just catch up while the guys ordered a round of shots for the table. The waiter even brought one for Cade but I was quick to take it away from him. For some reason whenever people see a group of actors or celebrities they act like the rules don’t apply and I saw too many teen celebrities get into drinking and drugs because of it.

Luckily he didn’t seem to notice or just wasn't interested as he was working on a crossword puzzle on his menu so my small crisis was averted. Through dinner I could see him slowly getting more and more comfortable with everyone. I watched as he minded his own business and occasionally spoke if spoken to. 

After a while he started to look a little tired and was fighting sleep, eyes drooping and rocking in the chair every once in a while. It soon became more frequent and I realized what he was actually doing. As always Scarlett must’ve picked the same thing I was because she turned to him.

“Do you have to go to the bathroom?” She whispered to him he looked a bit shocked, a small blush creepy up on his face before he stilled his body. 

“Ah No.” he mumbled sleepily.

“Okay well if you do you can let me know. I can show you the way.” He just nodded and went back to his crossword he had not finished yet before he started dozing off. It was probably another 45 minutes before I noticed once again he started to fidget in his seat. 

He was resting his head in his hand now as his eyes started to droop. He seemed to have to finish everything on his menu so he was just quietly listening to the conversation. I looked at the time and it was already 10:24pm. I watched as Cades' eyes closed for a couple minutes and the boy relaxed. He looked peaceful, no anxiety whatsoever but the moment was ended by his eyes shooting open and his body tense. 

I was going to ask him what was wrong but I noticed Lizzie sniffed the air and then looked down at the floor and I followed her eye line to see liquid dripping from Cades seat to the floor. I looked back up at him just as his eyes might mine.

“S-sorry i’m… shit i’m sorry.” He whispered mostly to himself. He looked like he was either about to cry or have a panic attack, maybe both. I placed my hand on his shoulder to comfort him but he only shot up in his seat abruptly, causing the table to shake and knock over his water glass spilling over onto the two of us.

“Fuck.” He mumbled before running out of the room. I got up not too long after him excusing myself as everyone at the table looked confused except Lizzie. 

Scarlett's POV

I left the room but didn’t see Cade, the man at the coat check was still there talking with our waitress so I went over to them.

“Hi, excuse me?” I said to the two.

“Hi, is everything alright?” She asked me.

“Did you see a young teen run this way by chance?” She nodded.

“Oh yeah he signed for the bathroom.” 

“Ok thank you, could I get my coat while I’m here?” I asked, thinking he’ll need something to cover himself with that could work. 

“Sure thing!” The guy said as he took my ticket and headed into the back. He came back out with my jacket and a duffel bag and skateboard.

“Here’s your jacket and here is his stuff too if you’d like.” I took the bag and headed down to the restrooms but as I went a lot of questions started forming in my mind. Was he ok? Was this the kids first night in town? Where was he staying? Where were his parents?

I got to the restroom and instantly knew where he was. His scent was radiating and the soft crying coming from the family restroom was a dead give away so I knocked.

“Cade? It’s me Scarlett, I have your stuff and just want to see if you need some help?” I waited for a minute and the cries quieted down a little bit and then the door unlocked and opened a crack and I heard shuffling. I moved inside before closing the door and locking it again. He was sitting on the floor in the corner with his head in his knees.

I moved over to him getting down on my knees to try and be eye level with him.

“Hey you're okay, don’t worry it was just an accident. They happen all the time.” He shook his head but still didn’t look up at me but just started hitting his head with his fist. I grabbed his hands, holding them in mine stopping him from hurting himself further.

“Buddy I need you to take a deep breath for me?” I started taking deep breaths myself and placed his hand on my chest so he could feel my breath. Lizzie always told me that physical contact sometimes helped ground her when she was upset so I figured I could try that. It seemed to work as he tried to match my breathing. He was very uneven still but I could see it start working. 

“You’re doing great just like that.” I told him after five more minutes he was able to get his breathing under control and I was now sitting down leaning against the wall with him next to me with his head on my chest. A buzzing sound of my phone rang out slightly scaring him.

“It’s ok just my phone.” I told him and I pulled out the device. It was a text message from Lizzie saying that she had told everyone that we’d be heading out and taking Cade home since it was getting late. And that she was outside the restroom.

Focusing back on Cade, he was way calmer than before, basically asleep on my chest. He was still in his wet pants as a reminder as to why we were here in the first place.

“Hey.” I said softly running my thumb over his cheek softly to wake him just a bit. His eyes fluttered open looking up at me confused. His eyes looked very little in the moment and I had a feeling he was still dropping into a littler headspace. Making me wonder how young his headspace could drop. It seemed he was pretty young so I was really shocked that his parents would let him travel alone like this.

“Let’s get you cleaned up okay?” I asked him and he moved his head off of me, standing up as he shook his head as if to clear it. He stumbled a bit and I quickly moved to get up and steady him.

“It’s okay, just relax.” I moved him over to the toilet so he was standing in front of it for him to see if he still needed to go.

“Here take those off, try to go and I’ll find you something new to wear.” I told him he pulled off his pants and underwear and sat on the toilet. I thought it slightly odd he chose to sit and pee but maybe he preferred it that way. I turned and looked through the bag looking for a new set of clothes. I found a pair of pajama pants and went with those and pulled out a white t-shirt and  black hoodie too knowing it would be cold outside now. 

“Here you go.” I said handing him the clothes without looking. I heard him wipe and the toilet flush before some shuffling of him changing and then him washing his hands. Once he was done I turned to look at him and was met with a very sleepy looking kid. 

“Okay well it’s getting really late so how about Lizzie and I help you get home? Where are you staying?” He definitely wasn’t in the right headspace to be getting home so late on his own so I was going to make sure he did. 

We walked out of the rest room to see Lizzie standing outside of the door. She smiled softly at the two of us and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I didn’t miss how Cade looked surprised at the affection but quickly masked his face. 

“Are you guys ready to get out here, it's pretty late?” Lizzie asked mostly to Cade. He started to look nervous again and his breath started picking up. Lizzie was quick to react, placing her hand on his shoulders and looking him in the eyes. 

“It's okay, slow your breathing for me.” He nodded and followed her breathing calming down. With shaky hands he started to type something out on his phone. 

After a little bit of typing he held the phone out to us and we heard a voice read out his words.

“My contract said Marvel would set up a place for me to stay during shooting but I can find a hotel or something.”  The voice read out. 

“I can go talk to Kevin and see if they have anything setup for you.You guys can head out to the car and I’ll meet you there.” I told the two. Lizzie nodded and I headed back up to talk to Kevin. 

As expected Kevin tried to play it like he had no idea what I was talking about but I reminded him this same thing happened with Tom Holland when he joined the MCU and how much trouble they almost got into with him. After that Kevin tried to say he figured something out within the next couple of days, like the kid didn’t need a place to stay now, so I told him to forget about it and that he could stay with me. 

Lizzie’s POV

Scarlet handed me Cade’s bag and I led him out the back door and took him to Scarlett's BMW i7.

I helped him hop inside the back seat before climbing in the front passenger seat and turning on the car to get the heater going while we waited.

“So you like to skate?” I asked him, looking in the rearview mirror as he spun the wheel of his board and then I turned in my seat to look at him.

He nodded and signed Yes back to me with a smile.

“I like the look of your board, are you also into Space?” I was looking at the design on the bottom of the board. It looked like an astronaut was floating aimlessly in space but the cool thing about it was that he had a drum strapped to his chest and it looked as If he was playing in space.

Cade nodded again and smiled brightly looking down at the board for a second before he pointed at himself and then tapped the astronaut on the board and back to himself.

“Is that you?” I asked putting together what he was trying to express. He nodded again.

“Wow, that's really cool. So you're into space and skateboarding. ” I said to him and he seemed surprised I was showing interest so I gave him a little nudge and an encouraging smile making home start laughing a bit. A second later Scarlett opened the door and hopped in the car.

“What do we have going on here?” She teased looking back at Cade. He chuckled slightly and shook his head.

“He was just showing off his cool skateboard to me.” I boasted and he just shook his head again.

“Well that's cool. Can I see?” Scarlet said encouraging him a bit more and he showed her the board and she said it looked sick as heck causing him to laugh. I smiled huge and enjoyed the laughter Cade was expressing.

“Okay ok let's settle down a bit now. It’s late and we don’t want to get all wound up right before bed.” Scarlett reminded us. Sending a wave of calming pheromones through the car. I immediately relaxed as she did and watched as Cade did too with a small smile on his face.

“Ok fun police.” I joked as I settled down in my seat and turned to her.

“So where were we going?” I kinda forgot we still had to take Cade home.

“Well they didn’t really have any set up yet so I offered for Cadence to stay with us if that was cool with you?” She asked him looking in the rearview mirror. 

He quickly pulled out his phone and typed something out before he played for us. 

“It's okay I can find somewhere I don't want to be a bother.” The automated voice read out. He started to gather his things like he was going to leave the car but Scarlett spoke first.

“No you're not a bother at all. We have the extra space plus we’ll be filming mostly together anyway so it helps with scheduling and rehearsals. Don’t fight me on this one okay?” Scarlett turned on the radio and started driving towards our house not giving him any room to say much of anything else on the matter. I could tell her alpha was talking control now as she has a strong protective nature. We all rode in comfortable silence as the music played. 

About ten minutes into the ride I heard snoring coming from the backseat and saw Cade propped up against the window peacefully sleeping.

“He’s so precious, Scar.” I whispered to her, she glanced in her mirror to look at him and immediately smiled seeing him at peace.

“He is, isn't he? highly anxious too, I wonder what all that about. He’s too young to have to be worried so much.” Looking back at Scarlett she looked deeply worried. I could see the wheel turning in her mind. 

“And I’m just so surprised? What kind of parents send their 16 year old kid to LA on his own, like tell me that’s not weird?” She did have a point especially since the boy had so much anxiety and trouble speaking. 

“We’ll have to ask him about it sometime. See if we can get the full story?” I suggested.

“Do you think I went too alpha on him? Should I have let him get a hotel or something?” She asked me.

“ I don't think so, Scarlett, he is 16 he should be with an adult to watch over him at least. But if he is not comfortable with us we can arrange something else. ” She nodded in agreement as she drove. We were getting close to home so the two of us sat in silence for the rest of the ride. 

Once we got to the house. Scarlett didn’t want to wake the sleeping pup so she carried him inside and upstairs to the spare room we had. Once he was nicely tucked into bed, we left the room and headed to our own room across the hall and were quick to fall asleep too. 

I think I fell asleep for about an hour or two total before I was up again and couldn’t fall back to sleep. This was a regular occurrence for me. Sometimes with my anxiety I wouldn't be able to sleep no matter how hard I tried so I got out of bed and headed down stairs to the living room. I laid down on our huge sofa I had insisted on getting.

I grew up in a big family and we often spent time crammed together on our family couch watching television as we grew up. I still love a good dog pile cuddle session, in fact we had them quite often whenever our friends would come over for a dinner party or movie night. I turned on the tv and made sure the volume was down low before starting another episode of i love lucy. After watching a bunch of old tv sitcoms to help me build on my character Wanda for WandaVision i really got into I love Lucy. 

[ronans-sepiaphotograph]

Since @andrews-jort-loving-pipe-dream made the post of Andrew having hobbies and it's been a month that these have been sitting in my drafts so here you go-

Andrew and embroidery:

It's one of their sessions when Andrew eyes the plate of his favourite chocolate chip cookies and hot cocoa and Bee sitting with her eyes gleaming. Uh oh something is up, is what he says to himself.

"Come on Bee, say it" "what makes you think I want to say something?" "Bee" "well you got me"

She doesn't get to the point in the next half an hour or so. Yes, he's happy Bee. Yes, he did not forget to feed the cats. Yes, he still hates Neil. Yes, he talks about his feelings sometimes.

"Andrew, what do you think about doing something in your past time?" "I spend my past time being perfectly productive" "Watching Bake off while eating ice cream doesn't really count" "Fine, what proposition do you have?" "Embroidery" "what the fuck?"

Bee chuckles lightly as she hands him a package. There's various types of needles and colourful threads and a few pieces of cloth.

"what am I supposed to do with this?" "Sew things, whatever you like" "and who'll teach me?" "That's upto you. But I think it will help, and you can learn and knit whenever you feel anxious or not okay. Give it a try?" "Fine" "and you give the things you make to me or Neil or any of your foxes" "they're not my foxes" "but they call you theirs, don't they?"

Andrew doesn't know what to say so he just pops a cookie into his mouth, and eyes the box of colourful stuff Bee handed him. It's too much colour and he hates it already but he supposes he can try.

Bee wishes him good luck and Andrew leaves. If he Google's embroidery tutorials on YouTube while sitting in the Maserati, nobody has to know.

He secretly begins practising. And it's not hard because he lives alone and it's Neil's last year at Palmetto. But they visit each other often.

He's frustrated initially because the needle hole is so goddamn small and half the time when he's trying to sew he's just stabbing himself with the needle. It takes him a good two weeks when he can comfortably sew with a needle and threads. He's out of the cloth Bee gave him and he doesn't know anything about embroidery or whatever.

So he steals one of Neil's hoodies when he's visiting one time. Neil won't notice anyway because he wears Andrew's clothes most of the times. Andrew latches the chest of the hoodie into the wooden ring and locks it before turning to his box.

It's an old wooden box he's had for a while, which is currently filled with threats and some beads and needles, all neatly arranged. He had threads in a ton of colours but somehow he likes it.

He picks up the white, grey and pink and grabs a pen and draws rabbit ears on the hoodie. He secretly smiles to himself. He begins to sew and it's grey and white patched rabbit ears with pink in the centre. It looks entirely adorable. He's quite proud of it. He sends Bee a picture before keeping everything away.

He strategically nonchalantly keeps the hoodie in their room so Neil will pick it up.

He obviously does. He's beaming and smiling so wide when he sees the hoodie and the little rabbit ears on it.

"Andrew, did you learn to embroider?" "No" "Andrew" "yes" "I love it, they're adorable" "shut the fuck up"

Neil gives him a thank you kiss. Fucking junkie.

He now wears the hoodie most of the time. Andrew is so annoyed after a week or so he just grabs a couple more of his hoodies and attacks them with his needles and threads.

Soon, a key and then a fox and then a cat appear on Neil's hoodies. Neil can't stop beaming with happiness after Andrew shoves them in his face. Neil looks so happy, Andrew hates him more.

"you should do it more it's really pretty. We should get matching ones" "324% junkie"

He does not oppose the idea.

Renee is so proud of him when he tells her that he's doing this. She tells him to make patches and put pins on them so he can put them anywhere. He just hums in agreement.

After a month, he has a lot of patches made. He gives Bee a few, who instantly pins one of the smaller ones to her dress (it's a bumblebee) and one to her bag and neatly keeps away the others.

He makes little fox faces all while hating the foxes as he knits them aggressively. He has to remake one because it's eyes weren't placed properly.

The foxes meet at Abby's the following Thanksgiving and Andrew drops small packages in various places throughout the house, with everyone's name on the nearly wrapped brown bag.

It's like a game because he literally drops them anywhere. Kevin finds his on the lawn, Matt and Dan's is in the trunk of Matt's car (he finds it two hours later), Allison's in her bag and she searches the whole house because she's the last one who hasn't found hers. Aaron finds his in his coat and so on.

They all collectively beam at Andrew when Wymack tells them who they're from. Of course Bee had to tell her dear friend that Andrew embroidered now. He doesn't mind actually.

All of them get a common fox face and then other things that definitely did not remind Andrew of them. They absolutely geek over each other's patches

"Ally you got a heel" "And Boyd got boxing gloves" "And Kevin got a queen pawn"

He makes them their respective pride flags

Andrew hates them the most that evening.

They all post on their social media about their patches being pinned. Allison's dress, Dan's jacket, Matt's Bandana, Kevin's travel bag, Nicky's refrigerator (he stuck a magnet to it) and Aaron's goes on his phone (Andrew made it for him and Nicky, it's a bunch of Gardenias) (Gardenias symbolise family)

Andrew does not absolutely stop. He makes them when he's anxious and happy, and he enjoys it. Not that he would tell anyone. Bee is so proud of him that he threatens her that he'll stop.

Neil knows he's happy when he sees his foxes all proudly sporting Andrew's creations on their stuff. Neil's bag is covered fully. He actually whines to Andrew about where to put the new ones. They go into his binder that he made for his family of foxes.

For their anniversary (Andrew denies calling it that but anyway), Andrew embroiders two pairs of armbands with a garden of flowers.

They all mean things to him. Family. Friendship. Moving on. Resilience. Loyalty. Truth. Love.

Neil is speechless when Andrew gives them to him.

"I love it Andrew" "400%" "Wasn't it 324% last time?"

[exy-softie]

neil and parental figures (maternal abby)

- a ted talk by me

(no but seriously before you read this you should know it was 5am when i wrote it you can’t blame me for being a sleep deprived mess i don’t even know what this is but i’m posting it for the sake of the impulse sorry for any type of mistakes, thank you)

okay so obviously kevin’s parental figure is wymack and we also agree that andrew’s is betsy right? right

but what about neil?

he has made it clear that he’s not looking for one nor does he need it, he’s actually rather uncomfortable with the thought but-

*sighs*

we can’t consider stuart as his parental figure; he may be his only family (by blood) and maybe they even get in touch now and then (i’ll probably write another post about this) but as much as i love the idea of neil having this cool gangster uncle who protects him from an ocean away, they aren’t really that close. 

*sips tea and looks into the horizon*

some may say that wymack is the closest he has as a paternal figure and i agree, since wymack always tried to help him and was there for him and he has very paternal vibes and is kind of all the foxes’ dad and whatever- 

BUT

*gulps what’s left of the tea agressively*

what if

abby

was neil’s maternal figure

aND his closest parental figure

*throws tea cup to a wall*

now i kNOW I KNOW,,,,that this is kind of impossible and just a dream cause canon neil would most likely never but we come here to be happy not to be real-

...

everything is fake-

...

*inhales*

(EVERYTHING IS FAKE EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS FAKE THE GRASS ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD ISN’T EVEN GRASS IT’S PLASTIC ALL THE PEOPLE ARE FAKE THEY ARE MADE OUT OF METAL BUT I LIKE YOU AND THAT IS NOT FAKE *hits head against the table* *cries and visibly shakes*)

*exhales*

(I APOLOGIZE BUT REGRET NOTHING)

(YES YG DID ME DIRTY)

(in a beautiful way)

anyways

abby being neil’s maternal figure. 

maybe he was curious. he probably used to think of mary as a “decent parent” (not that she was) but she was abusive, so he is intrigued, although first frightened, by abby’s nurturing and kind essence

abby was the first person from the team who saw his scars and was always making sure he was alright (when allowed). i like to think she earned his trust trough the years and maybe one day, abby gets to be the only person (apart from andrew and matt) who neil lets himself be soft with. 

he starts accepting abby’s gentle cares and finds out he enjoys her company and feels peaceful in her presence. 

while neil is at palmetto they meet once a month or every two weeks to have tea with cookies and they mainly talk about neil`s classes and exy and abby`s new hobbies

*suddenly remembers the tea and pours herself another cup*

*tries it*

*kinda cold tbh*

speaking of which, abby’s main hobby is to knit, so if you’re imagining her knitting neil hundreds of scarfs and sweaters and socks and gloves you’re totally right

neil loves them but he also encourages her to start doing them for the whole team bacuse he`s running out of space and it becomes a christmas tradition to get one of abby’s nitted pieces

she gives a matching pair of sweaters to neil and andrew as a present in one of their anniversaries

when neil goes pro tho, they don’t see each other that much, however one of them calls at least once a month and neil also visits when he has the chance and they have their tea afternoons. he also sends her little gifts from different places he’s been while andrew does the same with bee

(can you imagine bee and abby bff forever talking about their *sons* and how proud they are of everything they have acomplished and also how much they love each other)

*wipes away emotional tear*

*whispers* lovely bastards...

now....

just imagine...

the possibilities if:

ABBY IS AARON’S MATERNAL FIGURE TOO

*laughs manically*

imagine everything i just mentioned

but sometimes aaron is there too

like both neil and aaron go to abby’s on the same day and she makes them both stay and have tea with her and they can’t say no cause it’s sweet old abby. 

i think is easier (or not actually, because aaron is really suspicious and rejective towards anyone but wtv) to explain why aaron gets close to abby, since both of them are health workers (or student) and he already respected her professionally. with the time tho, he starts going to her for advice and he also (like neil) finds her attitude comforting. she makes them both understand how maternal affection is supposed to feel like. 

aaron and neil fighting over who gets abby the best birthday present. 

later on, aaron and neil bonding over deciding what to get her and weighing up the best options togheter cuz #thisisimportant

aaron, neil and abby sitting at the table gossiping about aaron’s co-workers and neil’s teammates and rivals (aaron and neil trashing them while abby tries to reprimand them but still laughs at her boys critizicing people togheter cause they seem actually happy)

(andrew having to stand this new awkward friendship between the two and sometimes just sitting there while they talk about random stuff)

[codename-adler]

foxes + onesies (9/9)

based off of that one post i saw and don’t remember, where people once caught Allison wandering around Fox Tower in a giraffe onesie, and i absolutely melted for her. here is the Foxes’ journey to getting a onesie each!

Kevin

every Fox has bad days

some bad days begin with a specific feeling

when Andrew feels ghost hands as he wakes up, when he feels his body too tight for his bones, or hid bones too big for his body

when Neil feels every sound like a knife to his skin, when the scars on his face feel like phantom pains, when he feels a grown man moves too fast, too close to him

when Allison feels jeans cling too much to her thighs, when her shirt brushes too much on her abdomen, when she feels the food she ate resting in her stomach

some bad days begin with a specific date

when it’s the anniversary of Tilda’s death, and Aaron cannot be in the same room as Andrew, no matter how far they’ve come

when it’s the anniversary the Boyds’ divorce, and Matt can’t leave Dan’s side for one second, no matter how strong their relationship is

when it’s the anniversary of Mary’s death, of Evermore, of Nathaniel’s last birthday, of Baltimore, and Neil can’t take a single look at himself in the mirror, no matter how many times Andrew worships his face with his mouth and his fingers

or, when it’s the anniversary of Kayleigh Day’s death, and nobody remembers, not even Wymack, and Kevin is all alone with this grief that is other, unlike any other he carries everyday, unlike anything he can compare to, and he doesn’t know how to feel anymore

Kevin vividly remembers that day, and he sees it luring around the corner as August approaches

but this time, there is no more Riko to worry about, no more mafia to be scared of, no more Ravens to antagonize him, no more Master to punish him for even attempting to grieve every year

and no more alcohol to make him forget

Kevin quit drinking the day they won championship, they day Riko was killed died

it’s been a year and a half, now, and Kevin still wants to drink the minute things get hard mentally

(it’s also been a year and a half since the Foxes started getting onesies, but it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, and only Allison remembers that summer where it all started)

so when Kevin enters his bad days, his bad weeks, the Foxes are used to his mood swinging back and forth between Queen of Assholery and Feral Fox

but Kevin isn’t

he isn’t used to feeling all of this, to always think, and think, and think, until everything inside his head is as loud as the outside, until it’s all too much

yet he’s still expected to go on

still supposed to function, to perform, to be a decent human being when he’s not even sure he even feels human anymore

and so when Kevin snaps, the Foxes are supposed to be used to it

they’re not

nobody is

it’s summer practice

the 9 Foxes came in early, before the two new recruits arrive

Kevin is in the middle of yelling at Neil, who is very much yelling back at him

there’s that moment very full of testosterone where each of them throw away their gloves and helmets and sticks

they’re an inch from each other’s face and then Kevin suddenly… stops

he completely stops

his face goes blank, his feet move him back, his arms go slack

he looks at Neil, and he looks, and looks, and looks…

as if he could find an answer to a question he doesn’t know he’s asking

Neil, who has never learned to watch his mouth after all the trouble it got him into, keeps tearing into Kevin

Kevin keeps backing up and Neil keeps pushing further

but apart from his backwards movement, Kevin doesn’t react

pure apathy doesn’t suit him nearly as well as it did Andrew

the other Foxes are so silent, that between two of Neil’s breaths, they can all hear him whisper

“Stop.”

but Neil doesn’t hear him, or doesn’t want to

it gets so out of control, even Wymack has to step in, on the court, when he sees Kevin so unresponsive

it gets so bad, eventually Neil, too, stops his yelling and just looks at Kevin

and he looks, and looks, and looks…

as if he could understand the question Kevin is asking an answer for with his pleading, green eyes

“Stop… Just- stop. I can’t- anymore… “

Kevin shakes his head and looks at the floor as hatred and hurt grip his guts

he takes another step back

suddenly he jerks his head back up and looks at Neil

“I hate you. God, I hate all of you.”

he looks at all his Foxes

then leaves

Kevin Day leaves the court

behind his back, he doesn’t see Matt holding back a furious yet teary-eyed Dan

he doesn’t see Renee leaving her goal to join Andrew’s side, her big racquet blocking his way

he doesn’t see Nicky putting his hand on Neil’s shoulder, squeezing in empathy

he doesn’t see Allison throwing away her racquet against the plexiglass wall with all that she’s got, fuming and hiding her tears

he doesn’t see Wymack matching over to Neil, a whole speech ready to give Neil his piece of mind

and he certainly doesn’t see Aaron collapsing to the ground, his hands holding his head and gripping his hair, his breaths shallow, his jaw clenched shut, his eyes dry yet red-rimmed

but from behind Kevin’s back, none of them see him either

they can’t see him losing his breath as he starts running away

they can’t see him clenching and unclenching his left hand

and they certainly can’t see him crying

the week that follows is undeniably tense between all the Foxes

that week also coincides with a lot of events

there’s the new Foxes’ arrival

there’s the start of classes

there’s the mandatory psych session with Betsy before Exy season starts

and there’s August 27th

Mom’s accident

Kevin remembers the day vividly, he truly does

he remembers because the week of the accident, he was supposed to start school for the first time, on September 1st

he had picked his outfit for the first day, he had new red Exy-themed shoes, he had even planned the lunch he wanted to have that day in his lunchbox (spaghetti squash casserole. yeah, weird kid.)

on August 27th, Mom didn’t come home

on August 27th, he went to the Moriyama property

on August 27th, he settled into a weirdly well-accommodated room that fit both him and Riko

on September 1st, he woke up with Riko and they prepared for their first day

on September 1st, Kevin wore his planned outfit, put on his red shoes

on September 1st, Kevin did not have spaghetti squash casserole

she left him nothing but an aversion for squash, red shoes, and Exy

which brings us as to why, on August 27th, as all the team is mandated to talk an hour with Betsy Dobson, Kevin Day volunteers to go first (with Aaron volunteering to go second and be the designated driver for the pair)

none of the Foxes have really talked to Kevin since the previous week’s outburst

Kevin has no other outlet for this painful day

it’s either talk to Betsy, or ruin 496 days of sobriety with one vodka bottle

the only words exchanged between Kevin and Aaron, on the drive to Reddin Medical Center, are, surprisingly, from Kevin

“Somebody should get you a new goddamn car.”

he doesn’t elaborate further than that, but Aaron looks at him strangely

his car really is garbage, though

once arrived at their destination, Kevin doesn’t wait for Aaron and bursts in Betsy’s office without warning

it takes at least half an hour of Betsy talking before Kevin gives up his silence

everything was already there, he just had to open his mouth and let his words fall

Kevin: I’ve been sober for 496 days. I’ve been thinking about my Mom’s anniversary for the past few weeks. That’s today, now. And last Friday, I told Neil, then the whole team, that I hated them. Care to unpack that for me?

Betsy: I can help you sort some things out, of course, Kevin. But this is your baggage. I’m afraid I can’t do this without your help. Why don’t you tell me more about this hatred you feel towards your teammates?

Kevin: I dont. Hate them. I don’t… I hate what they do to me. How they treat me. Their double standards. How they forget, how they dismiss. Mind you, I’m well aware of my asshole status. I know I am. But them… they’re… they’re mean. Vicious. They cut and stab and don’t care about what’s underneath. They don’t care that I helped them get the title of Champions. They don’t care that I was there every step of the way, that I was right there beside them when we played the Ravens, when we won. They don’t care that Riko died, that he once broke my hand, that I was legally kidnapped, that I went through hell and still lived to walk on my own two feet. They don’t care that I, too, once had a mom. They don’t care that my Mom died. They don’t care. To them, I’m still just a cunt. It’s unbearable. They don’t give a shit and I’m so, so tired, Betsy. I’m not asking for much. I just want… I want- I want them to let me breathe. I want them to realize that, I’m just like them. I’m a Fox. I’m a Fox as much as they are. I wake up everyday, and feel all this weight on my shoulders, in my stomach, on my heart, but I carry on anyways, and I don’t know why, but I do, just like them. Is that so hard to grasp? Is that so hard to accept? What am I doing wrong, Betsy?

Betsy: Oh, Kevin…

the rest of the session passes in a blur

Kevin talks about how every time he takes a photograph, he thinks of Kayleigh, of how brightly she smiles in all the photos Wymack has of her, of how he wishes he could take pictures of her with his own camera

Kevin talks about how every strong woman in the Irish folklore he reads about wears Kayleigh’s face

Kevin talks about how he thought Thea had been a bit like her, and how, in the end, she hadn’t been at all, she was her own woman, a woman he didn’t know and didn’t love, and how he thought he had lost a bit of Kayleigh again when they separated

Kevin talks

he talks

and Betsy listens

when his time is up, Kevin’s voice is hoarse with exhaustion and sadness

he lets Aaron in as he decides to take a run back to Fox Tower

his mind tries to guilt him into going back to the court, but between facing the Foxes after that and isolating himself in his dorm, Kevin knows what’s best for him

he is only disturbed in the late evening, when Wymack enters the dorm

even Neil, Andrew and Nicky hadn’t come back yet

Kevin knows something is wrong

Wymack isn’t supposed to be here

Wymack: Day… Listen, son.

Kevin sits up on his bed

Wymack: Argh, I’ll cut the bullshit. It’s Abby. There’s been an accident. Her car’s fucking scrap metal now. She was brought to the hospital 45 minutes ago, I just got the call. She’s going into surgery. We’ll all visit her in the morning.

Not again

Not Abby

What the fuck is this life?

Wymack: Number Seven wants to see you now. Don’t ask me why, I don’t wanna know. I’ll let her in, don’t make me regret this. Sleep good, son. I’ll see you tomorrow.

he opens the door, takes one last look at Kevin’s tense form, and leaves as Allison comes in

she’s wearing her giraffe onesie tied at the waist, with an oversized WALKER 09 t-shirt

she stands in front of Kevin until he looks up at her

Allison: Scoot over. We’re watching The Crown.

and Kevin, dumbfounded, lets her and moves

he finds himself quite intrigued by the storyline, enough to only worry about Abby with his fingers, fiddling with one of the giraffe’s horns

after the third or fourth episode, Allison starts to talk, eyeing Kevin’s fingers playing with her onesie

Allison: Wanna know the latest gossip? Even Andrew has a onesie, now. God, I can’t believe this is a sentence that exists. Andrew Minyard owns a fucking onesie. Do you know what that makes you?

Kevin stays silent, eyes fixed somewhere not quite on Ally’s laptop screen

Allison: That makes you the only Fox without one.

Kevin: Oh, so now I’m a Fox? Didn’t seem that way earlier. Or, like, ever.

the dealer chooses her next words very carefully

Allison: Just because we hadn’t seen it yet, just because we were too busy stuffing our heads up our asses, doesn’t mean you weren’t a Fox… I know, I know. Hard to feel like one when the others give you shit non-stop. Been there, done that. And now I’ve done it to you, too, and I’m… Sorry. We’re dysfunctional, there’s no changing that. But- We can do better. We’ll try, promise. I think you’ve made quite an impression on Betsy today, ‘cause we all received a good talk from her during our sessions. I mean, don’t expect Andrew running in to apologize, but, you know… Something about Betsy turning severe makes you re-evaluate your life choices. We’ll do better, Day.

Kevin looks at her, then

really looks at her

and nods

yet just as he turns his attention back to the screen, Allison leaves the Netflix page and googles “onesie adult”

Kevin: Oh, no. Absolutely not. Nope.

Allison: Oh, yes, yes, yessss!

but then, of course, there’s a knock at the door, and Allison gets up, opens the door, lets the person in, whispers something, and leaves

just like that

and oh

It’s Aaron

Aaron: So… Allison tells me you’re finally getting yourself one of those stupid pajamas too?

Kevin: I am not. What are you doing here anyway? The others will be back soon, I assume.

Aaron: Well, it’s my shift…

Kevin: Your what now?

Aaron: No, it’s not like that! We just… We thought you’d want some space because of… today… But then Abby… We didn’t want you to be alone.

Kevin: Really. Who’s “we”?

Aaron: The proud Palmetto State Foxes’ Exy team. All of them. You know, Dan, Matt, Renee, Allison, Andrew and Neil, Nicky… Me.

once again, Kevin can’t help but stare, deeply surprised

Aaron: Andrew and the others will be back for the whole night, but for now, it’s my turn. I wanted to take the first “watch”, but Allison said she had business to do with you. And I’m not getting in the way of that woman.

Kevin honest-to-God snorts

Kevin: If by “business” she meant bullying me into buying this onesie shit, then you should have gotten in her way. I’m not doing that. It’s fucking dumb.

Aaron: Hey!

Kevin: Aaron Minyard, don’t tell me you’ve participated in this madness…

Aaron: So what if I have? It wasn’t exactly on purpose, but I got one. And you don’t. So really, who’s dumb here?

Kevin: What is it??

Aaron: Not telling you.

Kevin: C’mon…

Aaron: Nope. You can’t bribe me. I’m not telling you shit. However, what I can telling you, is that it feels kinda wrong that we all have a pajama and you don’t…

Kevin: Oh my God, fine! What did the others get?

Aaron: Well, besides Ally’s giraffe, we got a tiger, a dinosaur, a teddy bear, you’ve seen Nicky’s unicorn nonsense, and I’m not quite sure about Andrew’s… Oh, and Neil’s is a fox, obviously. That predictable dumbass.

Kevin: Okay, well, I want a fox too.

Aaron: No, Kevin, you can’t.

Kevin: What? Why not!?

Aaron: Because. Neil’s already got a fox. Do you want to be a copycat AND a predictable dumbass?

and so until 1 AM, Kevin and Aaron bicker about each of Kevin’s suggestions (a Palmetto Foxes onesie, a USC Trojans onesie, an Irish-themed onesie, a white fox onesie, a gray fox onesie, and so on…)

when Andrew, Neil and Nicky come back into the dorm, Kevin’s almost laid all the way down on his bed, his head resting on Aaron’s elbow, as Aaron is sitting right next to him, laptop propped on a pillow and his fingers scrolling away

Aaron looks at Andrew, sighs, and looks at Kevin

they nod to each other, before Aaron gets up to go back to his dorm

Kevin sits up correctly when Aaaron is gone and Andrew approaches

Kevin pretends not to notice and googles one more idea, “brown fox onesie”

as he scrolls down and down and down, Andrew looks over his shoulder

and points at one picture

Andrew: That one. Now go to bed. We’re getting up at ass-o’clock tomorrow.

for the third time this evening, Kevin is shocked

he does look at Andrew’s pick attentively, though, and decides to go with it

that night, even if images of Abby covered in blood plague him for at least an hour, Kevin falls asleep to the memory of Aaron’s skin against his cheek, which somehow translates into dreams of Kayleigh resting both her hands on his cheeks as they sit in a field of wildflowers

a couple of weeks later, Kevin doesn’t tell the team his onesie has arrived

but he is forced to admit it when, for Halloween, they organize a huge party for themselves only, where they decided to wear their pajamas as costumes for the night

Kevin feels so stupid in his outfit

he even had to buy a LARGE because he’s so fucking tall

but it still feels… comfy… warm… not so bad…

maybe this can work for him…

it’s only when he steps into the girls’ living room that a problem arises

Aaron: What the fuck is this.

Kevin: Hum… A brown fox? Technically, Neil’s is orange, so you can’t shit on me!

Aaron: That- That’s not a fox, Kevin! What the fuck.

Kevin: Okay, well what are you then?? A mutant mouse?

Aaron: What are you- Oh my God, you don’t know what Pokemons are.

with that, Aaron turns around and yells for his twin

Aaron: ANDREW JOSEPH FUCKING MINYARD. YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE, DIDN’T YOU? YOU BASTARD.

he storms off yelling

Kevin only reunites with Aaron at the end of the night, on the girls’ balcony, both sober

Kevin: You know, for someone who pushed me so much to do this stupid thing, you’re not being very nice about it. I know you wanted me to be “original” or whatever, but it���s not like I look like Neil! Why are you so upset?

Aaron: Kevin. It’s not a fox.

Kevin: Oh for God sake’s Aaron, you-

Aaron: It’s a Pokemon, Kevin. They’re like little monsters, kind of, and it’s a videogame, but there’s anime, manga, and collectible cards and… I used to- I used to collect those. Before. I lost them, now, but see this? This is one of them. It’s the main Pokemon, actually. His name’s Pikachu.

Kevin: Okay… Who am I, then?

Aaron: You… You’re Eevee.

Kevin: And what’s “Eevee”…?

Aaron: Pikachu’s girlfriend.

and oh.

Oh.

Kevin: Andrew didn’t tell me… The little fucker. I thought- Sorry. I didn’t mean to be another pawn in one of Andrew’s little games. Why did he do that to you?

Aaron: I think you know why.

Kevin looked at Aaron

Aaron looked at Kevin

Kevin: Fuck.

Aaron: Yeah, that.

Kevin: What?

Aaron: Nothing!

Kevin: Aaron.

Aaron: Kevin.

Kevin slowly invaded Aaron’s space until his back touched the railing, and placed one hand on each side of the backliner

Aaron looked up at Kevin

Kevin looked down at Aaron

Kevin: Okay?

Aaron: Okay.

and Kevin grabbed Aaaron by the hoodie of his pajama, and pulled him close, closer, closer, closer, until their lips met, at last

it was a long-awaited kiss, a careful kiss, a kiss of home and yes and oh and warmth and safe

Kevin reluctantly pulled away and rested his forehead on top of Aaron’s, knowing they have very little time before the other Foxes found them snogging on the balcony like a goddamn cliché

Kevin: Aaron.

Aaron: Kevin.

Kevin: I’m gonna ask you something stupid, and you can’t punch me for it, okay?

Aaron: Fine, okay.

Kevin: Do you want to be the Pikachu… to my Eevee?

Aaron: YOU FUCKING MORON!

and with that, Kevin burst out laughing, as if the Foxes’ attention wasn’t already on them the second Aaron started yelling

Allison and Matt knowingly started whooping with their beers raised for a toast

Dan was facepalming hard, shaking her head, but smiling nonetheless

Renee smiled her genuine, angelic smile while clapping Nicky on the back as he choked on his drink

Neil, arms crossed, watched the scene unfold with contentment

and Andrew. Andrew had no reaction at all. at all.

he was looking at his nails, no knife in sight, no fucks given

which, in Andrew’s language, meant everything

and so that October 31st was one for the books, the books about the good days, the good feelings, the good memories

because the Foxes had those, too

Kevin Day had good days

Aaron Minyard had good days

Allison Reynolds and Renee Walker had good days

Dan Wilds and Matt Boyd had good days

Nicky Hemmick had good days

Neil Josten had good days

even Andrew Minyard had good days

God knows they deserve them

these onesies, as silly, as stupid, as corny, as childish as they may be, were a proof of that

a proof that the Palmetto State Foxes could be better, could do better, and could get better

[shanie-the-toyaddict]

Shanie Books Sami & Kevin MKII

My ultimate dream storyline for Kevin and Sami post WWE

So, Kevin joins AEW. We know that much is likely.

But I want him to show up at AEW and immediately get rejected by his old buddies.

Like, he shows up thinking that they welcome him and The Elite beats the crap out of him and tells him that he stabled too many of his horses in the wrong barn and that they're done with him. Kevin vanishes from TV for a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, strange shit goes on for The Elite.

One by one, the members start getting taken out backstage. From an outside perspective, the only attacker seen is a man in a black hoodie and sweats with a ski mask under a pair of goggles and a black bandana (which is over his mouth). Don Callis is the first one, taken out at the knees with a pipe (this alone is my dream here but we'll move on) Next comes Adam who gets his arm busted in a locker, taking him out. Next are the Bucks, each one having one ankle mangled a piece, putting their "Superkick Party" days on ice for the time being. Down the line the attacker goes until there is only Kenny Omega left.

When that day comes, Kevin shows up looking for Kenny. Says he has a message for him.

Kenny gets in the ring ALONE and shouts that Kevin has been a coward, attacking from the shadows, and that if he was a real man he'd fight face to face. Kevin comes out and stands at the top of the stage saying that he had nothing to do with the attacks. He does say that he's enjoyed watching his old pals get beaten and bloodied but, no, that wasn't him. He says that when he has a problem with someone he faces it head on, much like he's about to do with Kenny right now.

He starts to head toward the ring when, from behind, Adam Cole shows up, arm in a sling. Adam attacks using his good arm and the Bucks follow behind, each using a crutch. The gang takes Kevin to the ring and they begin to beat the snot out of him using everything from their fists to the crutches.

Then, suddenly, the lights go out. When they come back on, the masked attacker is standing in the ring with his lead pipe. There's a moment of tension before The Elite strikes. Unfortunately for them, with Kenny being the only one at full capacity and the attacker being armed, the attacker has the upper hand and manages to drive them all out of the ring, sending them hobbling away shouting for vengeance.

Once they are gone, the attacker turns to Kevin. While the Attacker was going after The Elite, the announcers mention that he is coming to Kevin's rescue. But with Kevin left alone, the Attacker doesn't put down the pipe, slowly advancing towards a hurt and panicking Kevin.

Then, almost as if he had a change of heart, the attacker tosses the pipe aside. Kevin is shocked and confused - even more so when the attacker takes off the bandana covering his mouth and, striding forward, kisses him roughly on the lips.

Naturally, the announcers are losing their shit over this.

Kevin shoves the attacker away HARD before wiping his mouth. There's rage in his eyes until an almost moment of realization hits him. His eyes widen with recognition and he breaks out into a smile.

"You son of a bitch," Kevin says, shaking his head.

Now the announcers are confused. Who the hell would Kevin recognize from a kiss?

Of course, we know. There's nobody else it could be and as Kevin stands there grinning, the attacker unmasks to reveal Sami. (More than likely they will refer to him as Rami by default, but we'll just ignore that part.)

Sami looks at Kevin as if to say "You didn't think I'd let you face those bastards alone, did you?"

Kevin just shakes his head and the two hug, standing triumphant in the center of the ring as the show goes off the air.

....

So, what do you think? @wrestlezaynia, @coloursflyaway, @lilaviolet, and the rest of my crew. If I ruled the wrestling world and made this happen, just how deceased would you be? I mean, yes. This level of kindness is far more than Kevin deserves but Sami showed before that he isn't about to stand by while someone ends Kevin's career. I think if things went down like this for Kevin it would make perfect sense for Sami to show up in the following manner.

After all, Sami's always been Kevin's guardian angel, what's to say he can't be his avenging angel as well?

Just my dream put on "paper" so to speak. It'll never happen, but I can dream.

[arsenicpanda]

Trying to distract you from the elephants and hippopotami (hippopotamuses?) living above you: If you could write S5, what are the major highlights you’d focus on?

An excellent question!  So, I’m going to pick some of the speculation/leaks we have and toss the others and kind of guess/go from there.  Also, this gets long, like 1.9k words long, so be ready.

- Main Mystery: After the success of Jughead’s novel and the reunited Josie and the Pussycats, Riverdale has become something of a novelty, part curiosity, part tourist trap.  But, this season, tourists and Riverdale residents are starting to go missing.  Some come back, some don’t, and those who do come back have wild stories to tell about, idk, Mothman or something, we’ll run with that leak.  But they also have a weird drug in their system.  At least one of the people who disappeared was a government person with top secret knowledge.  Idk exactly what’s happening, but Penny Peabody and perhaps Penelope will be involved.  Maybe they’re using people as lab rats?  Idk, it’s unclear.  Everyone will have a piece of the mystery, even if Betty and Jughead are the ones to put it all together.

- Archie: Archie is, in fact coming home from the army, but instead of Not-Boyfriend #3, he’s coming home with Reggie, who also joined the army.  Reggie’s dad is dead and has left him the car dealership, while Archie wants to Do Something For The Community In Honor Of His Dad again (also, everyone knows he’d be a shitty car salesman).  Maybe we keep the firefighter thing though, idk.  What’s important is that he and Reggie are living together in the Andrews house and, yes, we will get Archie’s gay awakening that we all deserve.  This is 100% a ship we will explore starting somewhere in 5a.  Archie is concerned about the disappearances and knows people being affected by it, same for Reggie.

- Veronica: Veronica went to business school and did business stuff with something new while being distantly involved in Le Bonne Nuit (Pop’s, however, she mainly handed back to Pop, although she does still do something accounting shit for it or something).  However, she also started doing some shady shit (not sure what, I know jack all about this, I’d delegate this decision) and almost lost her business/went to jail/got sued/etc.  Now she’s back in Riverdale to try to return to her roots with Le Bonne Nuit and being a Legitimate Business Woman.  She married a dude who is reminiscent of her mother, kind of a business partner but also a Lady Macbeth type.  The marriage is shaky at best because Veronica kind of forced herself into it, thinking that dating a non-himbo might make her happy after Archie (spoiler: it hasn’t).  They will have their own apartment in the Pembrooke, and, yes, Veronica will have an office somewhere with the rediscovered painting of herself behind the desk ala Hiram because I deserve to see it.  She’ll probably take it down at some point, but it will definitely be up for a while.  She’ll have a rival business person (Elio?) who is both somehow involved in the disappearances, and Veronica’s husband will be revealed to have been working with him at some point.

- Veronica/Archie/Reggie: This is our endgame pairing because I deserve it.  Veronica will get close to her himbos again, with Archie bringing out her better nature and Reggie bringing out her better business angles.  Veronica gets brought into the Archie/Reggie relationship in 5b slowly, might all get together only toward or at the very end of the season.  I’d work out specifics later though.

Now, I’m of two minds about Betty and Jughead.  I could break them up like the show will or I could keep them together because I do what I want.  I’m going to present both cases:

Scenario 1: They stay together

- Betty: Betty is an FBI agent, but she’s also chafing at the restrictions placed on her.  She keeps getting in trouble for going about things in a shady way (like, say, ignoring the need for a warrant), and she’s getting frustrated by all the red tape.  Currently, she’s being sent to Riverdale because of all the disappearances (particularly the government person) and because, well, she’s from there, she knows it.  She has a partner who she doesn’t get along with.  She and Jughead made it through long distance at college and post-grad, and they live together...idk, somewhere.  She will somehow reconcile with Veronica, unclear how.  May or may not quit the FBI to be a PI with Jughead at the end of the season.  Definitely fucks up Penny’s shit at one point.

- Jughead: Jughead is a published author and a PI who Betty sometimes uses as a way around red tape and advocates as a consultant; they both love this.  His first novel about Riverdale secured Riverdale’s place as That Weird Murder Town Where Shit Goes Down and turned it into a tourist trap; he hates this.  He’s on his...idk, third novel, with his second having done less well than his first.  He’s having trouble writing, so he goes back to Riverdale with Betty, hoping that returning to the town that first fueled his writing will help him with his writer’s block.  Jughead gets sucked into the spooky part of the mystery, going off on wild tangents while Betty pursues legitimate avenues. 100% does not have a drinking problem.

Scenario 2: Betty and Jughead break up (either post 4x17 reveal or due to long distance troubles)

- Betty: A lot is the same here.  She’s an FBI agent chafing at the restrictions placed on her and frustrated by red tape; she gets in trouble a lot for going about things shadily in her usual way.  She’s being sent to Riverdale as a Riverdale expert to investigate the disappearances in general but, more specifically, that government person who went to Riverdale on vacation.  (There may or may not be a more suspicious reason for the government person’s visit.)  She is either a single career woman with a partner she doesn’t get along with or she is having an affair with her partner that is falling apart.  While in Riverdale, she’s staying either in an apartment, a motel, or her house, depending.  She will somehow reconcile with Veronica, unclear how.  May or may not quit the FBI to be a PI at the end of the season.  Again, definitely fucks up Penny’s shit at one point.

- Jughead: Jughead is still a novelist upset about the effect his breakout novel had on Riverdale.  He is also an investigative journalist who’s been sent to Riverdale to investigate this shit OR a PI who can afford to take a vacation in Riverdale, and he’s happy to do it because it might help him with his writer’s block.  He has a live-in girlfriend back wherever he lives, and their already dying relationship is going to break with the added long distance difficulties.  He’s going to go after the weirder aspects of the disappearances because he thinks that’s where Riverdale’s answers always are.  While in Riverdale, he’s staying with Cheryl and Toni.  He will definitely reunite with the Serpents, and probably have some friendship moments with Archie as well. 100% does not have a drinking problem.

- Bughead: They will keep ending up at the same places while investigating and slowly slip back into their old routine and habits.  They’ll have a murderboard in the bunker where they meet up away from the eyes of the FBI (Cheryl and Toni draw the line at murderboards in their house), and there will be a lot of pining and sexual tension.  They will have at least one heartfelt conversation about why things didn’t work out, one instance where they have to make out to try and seem harmless after being discovered somewhere they shouldn’t be, and one heated encounter (maybe sex, maybe just making out) after being in a lot of danger.  If Betty is dating her partner, he’s revealed to be a shady fucker after she breaks up with him like three episodes in.  Jughead and his girlfriend have a conversation over the phone where they’re both tryin to break up with the other; it’s quite comical.  Betty and Jughead are reunited by the end of 5a (episode nine at the latest) and spend the rest of the season rebuilding their relationship.  The season may or may not end with Jughead proposing, possibly with a ring he bought for Betty previously but never had the heart to get rid of after the break up, possibly impulsively with one of the rings he always wears, possibly just with a new ring.

- Kevin and Fangs:  Kevin is a drama teacher at Riverdale High, and Fangs does...idk, something, maybe he’s also a teacher, maybe he’s a /bein some field who can work from anywhere, maybe something else.  They live together, a little off/on, but in a way that suits them and always ends in on.  Kevin is concerned about some of his students who’ve gone missing.  Fangs is either in the same position as Kevin or he has an employer who’s being shady.

- Cheryl and Toni: Cheryl and Toni both went to Highsmith College.  Cheryl runs the Blossom maple business well and maybe something else, and Toni is a successful photographer.  As for the twins, Polly recovered and is now raising them somewhere other than this helltown.  They’re back in town for Cheryl’s business purposes, although they mainly live...idk, somewhere else.  Either other Blossoms are secretly pulling some shit, Penelope has resurfaced, or Cheryl has a business partner who’s doing something shady.  Toni sees some shit while taking photographs of Riverdale.  Toni should get a storyline/be involved in the main plot, but I’m not sure what.  Maybe she’ll investigate with Betty and Jughead sometimes?  She definitely has a lot of interactions with Jughead, Fangs, and Sweet Pea though.

- Sweet Pea: Apparently is here?  Maybe lives with Kevin and Fangs?  Works...idk, somewhere?  Possibly went to community college, maybe works at the hospital as a doctor or nurse or lab tech or something?  Maybe is the sheriff?  Unclear, but has seen some shit one way or the other.  I know he’s not a series regular, but we bothered to bring him back apparently, he has to do something.

- Southside Serpents: Might not even be around?  Maybe they disbanded at some point?  Maybe there’s a new version of them that’s being shady?  Maybe we don’t mention them at all?  Unclear.- Alice:  Is still here, apparently, living in Gladys’s house.  No longer with FP, who has gone...idk, somewhere, maybe lives with Gladys?  Alternately, Gladys comes back to live in her house and sparks fly between her and Alice.  Probably is being nosy.

- Hiram and Hermione: Doing some shady shit, undoubtedly, may or may not be shady shit related to the plot, possible red herrings.  It’s kind of one last hurrah for Hiram because we’re finishing up Veronica’s parallels with him this season.  We might get Hiram v Betty at last, though, but then that might be best saved for season 6.  Definitely a mirror for Veronica’s relationship though.

And I think that’s everyone?  I wrote out Tabitha because we know nothing about her so I have no idea what to do with her.  I didn’t break up choni because it really isn’t worth the hassle of breaking up and then getting back together three relationships.  I have no idea what the musical episode would be.  And I didn’t bother to hash out the plot because I’m not crazy enough to lay out a proper Riverdale plot, but I assure you a bunch of crazy shit goes down and at least one 90s teen/college icon shows up.

[darkblueboxs]

Hold the Line

Read here or on AO3

This was originally for the  “foxes reacting to soft andreil” prompt, but I ended up posting a different piece for that. 

*

“What are you doing, Hemmick?” Kevin is so very, very tired, and if there’s one thing the foxes excel at, it’s kicking a man who is already down. “Pick up your damn racquet and get moving.” His words, as usual, fall on deaf ears.

“They don’t even act like a couple,” Nicky says, pouting. Kevin fumbles for the threads of whatever conversation Nicky is holding with himself before looking to the bleachers where Neil and Andrew are sitting. They aren’t speaking, several feet apart and each apparently oblivious to the presence of the other. To the casual observer, they would look like strangers.

Allison joins them at centre-court, fastening the strap of her gloves with her teeth.

“What were you expecting from the monster? Kisses and cuddles at the half-way line?” she says through a mouthful of mitten, leaning on her racquet as she follows Nicky’s gaze.

“I don’t know. I expected something. It’s not like they’ve got anything to hide now.”

Kevin is ten seconds from knocking heads together. “Can we play Exy now? Please?”

“C’mon, Kevin, you gotta think it’s weird too. You spend more time with them than anyone. Give us the scoop. We’ve ruled out hate sex, but it’s gotta be something.” Nicky stops ogling his cousin and his partner to turn pleading eyes on Kevin. Allison quirks an eyebrow expectantly.

“You could settle some bets for us, Kevin. Do they even touch each other?”

Kevin bites back a scathing reply. Allison is relentless where there’s a bet to be won, and Nicky won’t stop whining until he gets some kind of answer. Sometimes, the only way to get the foxes to shut up and play is to give them what they want. Pick your battles, as his mother would have put it.

Kevin rolls his eyes to the ceiling as though it might fall in on him and save him from this conversation. Nicky takes his grimace as a rebuttal.

“C’mon, Kevin. Give us something.”

“Like what?”

“Have you ever seen them…” Nicky waves his hands in the most non-descript gesture imaginable. Kevin, having spent way too much time around Nicky over the years, prepares his most disgusted expression. “…being, like, soft?”

Allison snorts. “Two much steel in the pair of them for soft.”

Nicky looks deeply troubled by the suggestion. “I know they have their… issues, but it’s not like the pair of them are completely broken.” He turns back to Kevin. “Right?”

Kevin looks at Nicky for a long moment. The strange thing is that Nicky and Aaron have known Andrew longer than any of them yet can still be so blind to how Andrew works, and how his relationships to others work by extension. He mulls over his answer, trying to find the right size of crumb that will get them off his back and back on the court without feeling like a violation of his friends’ privacy.

“Maybe their soft doesn’t look the same as yours,” says Kevin at last. “Look harder.”

Their heads swing back to the bench in unison. Neil and Andrew still aren’t talking, but they’re both swinging their legs in unison, toes barely scuffing the floor.

Nicky and Allison turn back to him, but Kevin raps the butt of his stick off the floor, silencing them mid-protest. The court doors fly open, admitting the rest of the team in their usual shambles, and he is saved from further interrogation. He doesn’t miss, however, the evaluating glance Nicky and Allison pass each other, like they’re filing notes away for later.

*

Neil goes down in the first quarter, and he goes down hard. Kevin is half-way to Neil, who has yet to drag himself up onto his knees, but Andrew beats him to it. Kevin resists the urge to gripe at Andrew’s sudden burst of speed – Andrew is capable of crossing the entire court in seconds flat, yet acts like anything more than snail-pace in goal will kill him – until Kevin sees why he’s moving so quickly.

Neil’s hands are shaking like they’ve had electricity shot through them, and his breathing is not the laboured rhythm of exertion but the panicked hiccups of a panic attack. Kevin knows the signs.

His first thought is of the cameras, the audience, the witnesses – Kevin spent so much of his life under the glare of media flashbulbs that he struggles to think of much else. He knows he lets the worries spill over onto others more than he should, but for Neil it’s different – his future career depends on his perceived stability, and if Neil’s career falls through then the wrath of Ichirou Moriyama will fall upon all of them.

Remembering an old trick they used to use when Andrew was coming down from his meds, Kevin kneels beside them, planting himself between Neil and the nearest camera like a shield. He tugs Neil’s racquet over and pretends to inspect it for damage, ignoring the muted discussion happening inches from his face.

The rest of the foxes catch on quickly, crowding around them with concern that isn’t entirely manufactured. Dan nudges them into a neat circle that cuts the pair off from the gaze of the spectators. The opposing team watches from a distance, stunned by the sudden show of solidarity from a team that had spent most of the preceding hour screaming at each other.

None of the foxes are doing a great job at leaving the pair with their privacy, but there’s only so much they can do when they’re crowded around the pair in close proximity. The alternative is leaving Neil exposed to the world, and if the foxes have proven anything it’s that each of them is willing to put everything on the line to protect their number ten, even if this means going against his wishes from time to time.

It’s clear Neil is still somewhere else. Judging by the glazed look in his eyes, it’s a place Kevin knows far too well.

Andrew snaps his fingers in front of Neil’s face. The action draws a flicker of movement from Neil, half-way to recognition.

“What did he do?” Andrew asks in a low voice. He’s referring to the defensive dealer who knocked Neil down, a six-foot-four mountain of a man with an attitude Kevin has seen matched only within the walls of the nest.

“I’m fine.”

Kevin resists the urge to smack Neil around the back of the head, but only because he doubts he would survive Andrew’s retaliation. There’s an impatient knock against the plexiglass walls as one of the referees urges them on.

“Tell Wymack you want a substitution.”

It really isn’t the time. Kevin is about to say so, but Neil beats him to it. “That isn’t the strategy we agreed on. I’m fine.”

One of the other Foxes snorts. Neil’s eyes flicker up, but Andrew snaps his fingers again, drawing his attention back. “Ask for the sub.” It’s not a tone that leaves room for argument.

Neil lets out a breath. He looks to Kevin. “Can you hold the line?”

There’s still a glassy look to him. It reminds Kevin too much of the night they played the Bearcats, the awful dead look in Neil’s eyes as he tumbled back into the claws of a life he had sacrificed everything to escape.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” says Kevin. Neil grins, not the awful, dead grin of his father but his own. He raises his hand, and the foxes break apart so that Wymack can see the signal.

As Neil’s substitute jogs into place, Kevin flexes his left hand. He’s still a long way off playing full matches with it, but he can do this much. He taps the racquet off the court floor before tossing it to his left, and the crowd goes wild.

*

The defensive dealer lasts all of three minutes before Andrew’s bombardment of brutally aimed balls from the goal finally knocks his feet out from under him. He leaves the court with a bloody nose and a bloodier scowl, and Andrew sends him off with a wave that would look friendly to anyone who didn’t know him.

The first thing Neil does as they trail into the locker rooms is hand Andrew his water bottle. Andrew takes it, and they stare at each other for a long moment, a silent conversation Kevin has come to recognise as mutual reassurance. I’m here, you’re here, we aren’t going anywhere.

None of the foxes will be too overbearing with concern while Andrew is at Neil’s side, and so that is where he stays the length of the drive home. They share a seat at the back of the bus, and no threats are needed for the foxes to know not to bother them.

Kevin is halfway to a well-earned nap when Nicky and Allison’s heads appear over the back of the row in front of him.

“Did you see what the dealer did to Neil?”

“Does it matter?” He didn’t, although he has some theories. Then again, Neil’s recovery hasn’t exactly been a straight upwards line. The wrong jerk of a racquet in Kevin’s peripheral vision will still make Kevin twitch, and it’s been years since one was turned upon him. He can only guess at the intricacies of Neil’s triggers, but sometimes a trigger can be nothing at all.

“I still say they’re weird.” Allison’s gaze skips the rows of seats to the back, where the tops of Neil and Andrew’s heads are barely visible. “Andrew never touched him the entire time, did you notice?”

“Maybe that’s the point,” Kevin snaps, tired and ready for his nap. “It’s called respecting boundaries. Maybe you’ve heard of it.”

Allison holds up her hands like she’s under attack.

“No, he’s right, I think,” says Nicky. “They’re a different kind of soft.”

Maybe there’s hope for him yet.

“Takes one to know one, doesn’t it, Kevin?” Nicky continues, and Kevin wishes he had a racquet in his hands to break over Nicky’s head.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Just because we got distracted by Andrew going full Mamma Bear doesn’t mean I don’t see you getting all defensive over them.”

“Huh,” says Allison, her eyes narrowing. “If you weren’t such a bastard, I would say it was sweet.”

Kevin pulls his hood down over his face. “Go away.”

Snickering, they leave him to sleep.

*

Kevin stumbles into the kitchen at the ass-crack of dawn, shaking his head in the vain hope that he can throw the nightmares out with sheer force alone. He hadn’t noticed as he rolled out of his bunk that both Neil and Andrew’s were unoccupied, only realising in hindsight when he finds the pair of them sprawled on the beanbags in front of the TV, which throws endless static over their sleeping forms. Kevin wonders if boiling a kettle will wake them – he has no hope of sleeping again unless green tea is involved – but the jerk of Andrew’s head tells Kevin that he’s too late.

He doesn’t bother with an apology, because he knows they’re of little interest to Andrew. He averts his eyes instead as he busies himself in the kitchen.

He knows Andrew and Neil would rather chew glass than make any public display of affection, not out of shame or fear but more because they didn’t feel the need to put themselves on display to satisfy the wants of others. He wonders what it must feel like, not having to perform on demand for the world in the way that Kevin has been trained to his entire life.

That’s why he expects Andrew to shrug Neil off when Kevin shows no sign of leaving, but when he slumps onto the couch a few minutes later with a mug clasped between his hands he’s surprised to see them still wrapped up in each other. Andrew’s eyes meet his for a moment, heavy and unblinking, before they slide shut once again.

The scene before him is what the others would probably call soft. The word isn’t one Kevin is used to having in his vocabulary, but it’s one he has been considering adding with increasing frequency, just to have a way of putting words to the feeling in his chest every time his team crowds around him to celebrate a goal together, or when his father claps him on the shoulder with something akin to pride. Neil and Andrew are a sprawling puddle of loose and tangled limbs across the bean bags, an assortment of empty crisp packets and sweet wrappers nestled at their feet like autumn leaves. They’re turned in towards each other, like they fell asleep mid-staring match, and their hands, while not quite touching, are side-by-side. Respecting each other’s distance but ready to take hold should unknown forces threaten to rip them from each other. The flickering shadows from the television cast Neil’s scars in sharp, black outlines, but they do nothing to detract from how much younger he looks in the pale light, the lines around his eyes smoothed out by sleep. Andrew’s face, on the other hand, is thrown into harsh angles by the contrasting shadows, accentuating the angle of his cheekbones and throwing shadows beneath his eyes. The light is bright enough that the faint freckles across his nose are just visible.

Kevin rips his gaze from them before Andrew can catch him staring and stares instead into the TV static, letting his mind fall into practiced blankness. The next thing he’s aware of is Neil sinking into the couch beside him. The room is brighter, warmer, and the beanbags have long since been abandoned.

“Sleeping upright is bad for your back,” Neil quotes Kevin’s own advice back to him.

“Talking to me this early is bad for your health,” Kevin retorts. “Yet here you are.”

“It’s four in the afternoon!”

Kevin bolts upright with a curse on his lips, but Neil lets out one of his muted snickers and Kevin realises that he’s being screwed with. “Fuck you,” he says, sinking back into the sofa cushions. The wall clock, he notices too late, reads 7:15.

“I’m going on a run. Come with?”

Kevin nods, even if every instinct is telling him to melt into the couch and stay there until noon. It’s just one of many battles he wages against himself on a daily basis.

Neil is waiting for him at the kerb when Kevin stumbles out of Fox Tower ten minutes later in running gear. He’s bouncing in place like the pavement is too hot to stand on, and as soon as Kevin gives the signal he shoots off like a bullet.

Being wildly outmatched has never done anything to quell Kevin’s competitive spirit; he tears after Neil like his life depends on it, even though the light-footed striker is practically over the horizon already.

They break on a park bench just off perimeter road. Joggers, dog-walkers, students and cyclists flash past while the pair inhale their water bottles, chests heaving in sync. There’s a pallor beneath Neil’s sheen of sweat which makes Kevin wonder exactly what he’s running from today.

The answer comes sooner than expected.

“How’s your hand?”

Kevin starts, flexing it automatically even though there’s no real need. Most of the pains are phantom ones that disappear until he’s reminded of his injuries. “It’s fine.”

“That’s my line.”

“It was aching a little by the end of the match, but I spent the whole evening doing Abby’s exercises. I know my limits,” Kevin answers snippily.

“It’s not about your limits. You shouldn’t have been forced to-”

“I wasn’t forced.”

“I mean, I shouldn’t have put you in that position.” Neil’s knuckles whiten as they clench in the fabric of his shorts.

Kevin huffs out a breath of air. He’s always had a one-track mind; he’s under no delusions that his feelings about Exy are anything but abnormal. Total dedication, total obsession, were the demands upon which his survival depended. Still are, but to a lesser extent. He remembers looking Neil in the eye the first day he left his room without a coating of bandages to hide behind and asking can you play? Not because he worried about the team’s chances in upcoming matches – although that was always a worry – but because without Exy, Kevin was nothing. He still can’t help but behave as though it’s the same for everyone else.

But he’s grown in the intervening months, grown enough to understand that while, yes, every match is important, failing to protect a player’s health for the sake of short-term results will only cause more damage in the long term. When he thinks of Riko – an activity he still fights to pull himself back from, another daily battle to add to the pile – he thinks of the pressure crushing down on him, on both of them, to perform in spite of the injuries, physical and mental, the pressure that built and built from year to year, warping Riko beyond recognition and grinding Kevin into the ground. He won’t let himself become the people who made them what they were.

“You were no use to the team in the state you were in,” Kevin says. Neil’s flinch says that this is not news to him. Kevin clears his throat. He isn’t good at this. He’s still learning to be this. Not soft, no, but not so hard either. “The first time I stood on a court after I left the nest… I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t…” Kevin hates this. He hates talking about this, he has enough of it with Bee and Abby. Neil doesn’t need to hear this. Except he does. “This isn’t the sort of problem you fix overnight. Not by training more, not by pushing yourself harder. All that will do is break you.”

Neil is silent for a long moment. “Wesninski,” he says at last, like the word was sticking in his throat. “The player. As we collided, he called me Wesninski, and I just… for a moment, I wasn’t me.”

Kevin closes his eyes. He is still called a raven often enough to understand – perhaps not completely, but close enough – the awful, shrinking sensation of being thrown back into another life with a single word. “It won’t be the last time someone calls you that, Josten. Especially not if word gets out.”

Neil shakes his head. “If people start doubting me-”

“Fucking listen to me, you idiot.” Kevin turns fully to face him. “I’m not telling you to fix the problem immediately. I’m saying we’ll take care of things until you can.”

“We?” Even after all this time, Neil can be so helpless that it hurts.

“You know. The team. Coach. Andrew.”

Neil huffs. “And you.”

“Obviously.”

Neil unclenches his knuckles at last. “Better be careful, Kevin. Next thing you know, they’ll be saying you’re going soft on us.”

Kevin shoves Neil. Not the way Riko used to shove him out of his way if Kevin had the bad luck or poor judgement to be standing in his path. He does it in a way that has Neil grinning, shoving him back playfully as he gets back to his feet.

Neil takes off, calling over his shoulder to challenge Kevin to a race as he does. Kevin cusses him out, but nonetheless takes off after him, chasing the sound of Neil’s laughter all the way home.

Maybe going soft isn’t so bad after all.

*

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought. Still open to requests!

[grigori77]

Summer 2020′s Movies - My Top Ten Favourite Films (Part 2)

10.  BODY CAM – in the face of the current pandemic, viral outbreak cinema has become worryingly prescient lately, but as COVID led to civil unrest there were a couple of films in this summer that REALLY seemed to me to put their finger on the pulse of another particularly shitty zeitgeist.  Admittedly this one highlights a problem that’s been around for a good while, but it came along at just the right time to gain particularly strong resonance, filtering its message into the most reliable form of allegorical social commentary – horror.  The vengeful ghost trope has become pretty familiar over the past decade or so, but by marrying it with the corrupt cop thriller veteran horror screenwriter Nicholas McCarthy (The Pact) has given it a nice fresh spin, and the end result was, for me, a real winner.  Mary J. Blige plays troubled LAPD cop Renee Lomito-Smith, back on the beat after an extended hiatus following a particularly harrowing incident, just as fellow officers from her own precinct begin to die violent deaths under mysterious circumstances, and the only clues are weird, haunting camera footage that only Renee and her new partner, rookie Danny Holledge (Paper Towns and Death Note’s Natt Wolff), manage to see before it inexplicable wipes itself.  Something supernatural is stalking the City of Angels at night, and it’s got a serious grudge against local cops as the increasingly disturbing investigation slowly brings an act of horrific police brutality to light, until Renee no longer knows who in her department she can trust.  This is one of the most insidious scare-fests I’ve enjoyed so far this year, sophomore director Malik Vitthal (Imperial Dreams) weaving an effective atmosphere of pregnant dread and wire-taut suspense while delivering some impressively hair-raising shocks (the stunning minimart sequence is the film’s undeniable highlight), while the ghostly threat is cleverly thought-out and skilfully brought to “life”.  Blige delivers another top-drawer performance, giving Renee a winning combination of wounded fragility and steely resolve that makes for a particularly compelling hero, while Wolff invests Danny with skittish uncertainty and vulnerability in one of his strongest performances to date, and Dexter star David Zayas brings interesting moral complexity to the role of their put-upon superior, Sergeant Kesper.  In these times of heightened social awareness, when the police’s star has become particularly tarnished as unnecessary force, racial profiling and cover-ups have become major hot-button topics, the power and relevance of this particular slice of horror cinema cannot be denied.

9.  BLOOD QUANTUM – it certainly has been a great year for horror, and for most of the summer this was the genre leader, a compellingly fresh take on the zombie outbreak genre with a killer hook.  Canadian writer-director Jeff Barnaby (Rhymes for Young Ghouls) has always clung close to his Native American roots, and he brings strong social relevance to the intriguing early 80s Canadian setting as a really nasty zombie virus wreaks havoc in the Red Crow Indian Reservation and its neighbouring town.  It soon becomes clear, however, that members of the local tribe are immune to the infection, a revelation with far-reaching consequences as the outbreak rages unchecked and society begins to crumble.  Barnaby pulls off some impressive world-building and creates a compellingly grungy post-apocalyptic vibe as the story progresses, while the zombies themselves are a visceral, scuzzy bunch, and there’s plenty of cracking set-pieces and suitably full-blooded kills to keep the gore-hounds happy, while the horror has real intelligence behind it, the script posing interesting questions and delivering some uncomfortable answers.  The characters, meanwhile, are a well-drawn, complex bunch, no black-and-white saviours among them, any one of them capable of some pretty inhuman horrors when the chips are down, and the cast, an interesting mix of seasoned talent and unknowns, all excel in their roles – Michale Greyeyes (Fear the Walking Dead) and Forrest Goodluck (The Revenant) are the closest things the film has to real heroes, the former a fallible everyman as Traylor, the small-town sheriff who’s just trying to do right by his family, the latter unsure of himself as his son, put-upon teenage father-to-be Joseph; meanwhile, Olivia Scriven is tough but vulnerable as his pregnant white girlfriend Charlie, Stonehorse Lone Goeman is a grizzled badass as tough-as-nails tribal elder Gisigu, and Kiowa Gordon (probably best known for playing a werewolf in the Twilight movies) really goes to the dark side as Joseph’s delinquent half-brother Lysol, while there’s a memorably subtle turn from Dead Man’s Gary Farmer as unpredictable loner Moon.  This is definitely one of the year’s darkest films – by and large playing the horror straight, it tightens the screws as the situation grows steadily worse, and almost makes a virtue of wallowing in its hopeless tone – but there’s a fatalistic charm to all the bleakness, even in the downbeat yet tentatively hopeful climax, while it’s hard to deny the ruthless efficiency of the violence on display. This certainly isn’t a horror movie for everyone, but those with a strong stomach and relatively hard heart will find much to enjoy here.  Jeff Barnaby is definitely gonna be one to watch in the future …  

8.  PALM SPRINGS – the summer’s comedy highlight kind of snuck in under the radar, becoming something of an on-demand secret weapon with all the cinemas closed, and it definitely deserves its swiftly growing cult status.  You certainly can’t possibly believe it’s the feature debut of director Max Barbakow, who shows the kind of sharp-witted, steady-handed control of his craft that’s usually the province of far more experienced talents … then again, much of the credit must surely go to seasoned TV comedy writer Andy Siara (Lodge 49), for whom this has been a real labour of love he’s been tending since his film student days.  Certainly all that care, nurture and attention to detail is up there on the screen, the exceptional script singing its irresistible siren song from the start and providing fertile ground for its promising new director to spread his own creative wings.  The premise may be instantly familiar – playing like a latter-day Saturday Night Live take on Groundhog Day (Siara admits it was a major influence), it follows the misadventures of Sarah (How I Met Your Mother’s Cristin Miliota), the black sheep maid of honour at her sweet little sister Tala’s (Riverdale’s Camila Mendes) wedding to seemingly perfect hunk Abe (Supergirl’s Superman, Tyler Hoechlin), as she finds herself repeating the same high-stress day over and over again after being trapped in a mysterious cosmic time-loop along with slacker misanthrope Nyles (Brooklyn Nine Nine megastar Andy Samberg), who’s been stuck in this same situation for MUCH longer – but in Barbakow and Siara’s hands it feels fresh and intriguing, and goes in some surprising new directions before the well-worn central premise can outstay its welcome.  It certainly doesn’t hurt that the cast are uniformly excellent – Miliota is certainly the pounding emotional heart of the film, effortlessly lovable as she flounders against her lot, then learns to accept the unique possibilities it presents, before finally resolving to find a way out, while Samberg has rarely been THIS GOOD, truly endearing in his sardonic apathy as it becomes clear he’s been stuck like this for CENTURIES, and they make an enjoyably fiery couple with snipey chemistry to burn; meanwhile there’s top-notch support from Mendes and Hoechlin, The OC’s Peter Gallagher as Sarah and Tala’s straight-laced father, the ever-reliable Dale Dickey, a thoroughly adorable turn from Jena Freidman and, most notably, a full-blooded scene-stealing performance from the mighty J.K. Simmonds as Roy, Nyles’ nemesis, who he inadvertently trapped in the loop before Sarah and is, understandably, none too happy about it.  This really is an absolute laugh-riot, today’s more post-modern sense of humour allowing the central pair (and their occasional enemy) to indulge in even more extreme consequence-free craziness than Bill Murray ever got away with back in the day, but like all the best comedies there’s also a strong emotional foundation under the humour, leading us to really care about these people and what happens to them, while the story throws moments of true heartfelt power at us, particularly in the deeply cathartic climax.  Ultimately this was one of the summer’s biggest surprises, a solid gold gem that I can’t recommend enough.

7.  THE LAST DAYS OF AMERICAN CRIME – the summer’s other heavyweight Zeitgeist fondler is a deeply satirical chunk of speculative dystopian sci-fi clearly intended as a cinematic indictment of Trump’s broken America, but it became far more potent and prescient in these … ahem … troubled times.  Adapted by screenwriter Karl Gadjusek (Oblivion, Stranger Things, The King’s Man) from the graphic novel by Rick Remender and Greg Tocchini for underrated schlock-action cinema director Olivier Megaton (Transporter 3, Colombiana, the last two Taken films), this Netflix original feature seemed like a fun way to kill a cinema-deprived Saturday night in the middle of the Lockdown, but ultimately proved to have a lot more substance than expected.  It’s powered by an intriguing premise – in a nearly lawless 2024, the US government is one week away from implementing a nationwide synaptic blocker signal called the API (American Peace Initiative) which will prevent the public from being able to commit any kind of crime – and focuses on a strikingly colourful bunch of outlaw antiheroes with an audacious agenda – prodigious Detroit bank robber Bricke (Édgar Ramiréz) is enlisted by Kevin Cash (Funny Games and Hannibal’s Michael Carmen Pitt), a wayward scion of local crime family the Dumois, and his hacker fiancée Shelby Dupree (Material Girl’s Anna Brewster) to pull off what’s destined to be the last great crime in American history, a daring raid on the night of the signal to steal over a billion dollars from the Motor City’s “money factory” and then escape across the border into Canada.  From this deceptively simple premise a sprawling action epic was born, carried along by a razor sharp, twisty script and Megaton’s typically hyperbolic, showy auteur directing style and significant skill at crafting thrillingly explosive set-pieces, while the cast consistently deliver quality performances.  Ramiréz has long been one of those actors I really love to watch, a gruff, quietly intense alpha male whose subtle understatement hides deep reserves of emotional intensity, while Dupree takes a character who could have been a thinly-drawn femme fetale and invests her with strong personal drive and steely resolve, and there’s strong support from Neil Blomkampf regulars Sharlto Copley and Brandon Auret as, respectively, emasculated beat cop Sawyer and brutal Mob enforcer Lonnie French, as well as a nearly unrecognisable Patrick Bergin as local kingpin (and Kevin’s father) Rossi Dumois; the film is roundly stolen, however, by Pitt, a phenomenal actor I’ve always thought we just don’t see enough of, here portraying a spectacularly sleazy, unpredictable force of nature who clearly has his own dark agenda, but whom we ultimately can’t help rooting for even as he stabs us in the back.  This is a cracking film, a dark and dangerous thriller of rare style and compulsive verve that I happily consider to be Megaton’s best film to date BY FAR – needless to say it was a major hit for Netflix when it dropped, clearly resonating with its audience given what’s STILL going on in the real world, and while it may have been roundly panned in reviews I think, like some of the platform’s other more glossy Original hits (Bright springs to mind), it’s destined for a major critical reappraisal and inevitable cult status before too long …

6.  HAMILTON – arriving just as Black Lives Matter reached fever-pitch levels, this feature presentation of the runaway Broadway musical smash-hit could not have been better timed.  Shot over three nights during the show’s 2016 run with the original cast and cut together with specially created “setup shots”, it’s an immersive experience that at once puts you right in amongst the audience (at times almost a character themselves, never seen but DEFINITELY heard) but also lets you experience the action up close.  And what action – it’s an incredible show, a thoroughly fascinating piece of work that reads like something very staid and proper on paper (an all-encompassing biographical account of the life and times of American Founding Father Alexander Hamilton) but, in execution, becomes something very different and EXTREMELY vital.  The execution certainly couldn’t be further from the usual period biopic fare this kind of historical subject matter usually gets (although in the face of recent top-notch revisionist takes like Marie Antoinette, The Great and Tesla it’s not SO surprising), while the cast is not at all what you’d expect – with very few notable exceptions the cast is almost entirely people of colour, despite the fact that the real life individuals they’re playing were all very white indeed.  That said, every single one of them is an absolute revelation – the show’s writer-composer Lin-Manuel Miranda (already riding high on the success of In the Heights) carries the central role of Hamilton with effortless charm and raw star power, Leslie Odom Jr. (Smash, Murder On the Orient Express) is duplicitously complex as his constant nemesis Aaron Burr, Christopher Jackson (In the Heights, Moana, Bull) oozes integrity and nobility as his mentor and friend George Washington, Phillipa Soo is sweet and classy as his wife Eliza while Renée Elise Goldsberry (The Immortal Life of Henrietta Jacks, Altered Carbon) is fiery and statuesque as her sister Angelica Schuyler (the one who got away), and Jonathan Groff (Mindhunter) consistently steals every scene he’s in as fiendish yet childish fan favourite King George III; ultimately, however, the show (and the film) belongs to veritable powerhouse Daveed Diggs (Blindspotting, TV’s Snowpiercer) in a spectacular duel role, starting subtly but gaining scene-stealing momentum as French Revolutionary Gilbert du Motier, the Marquis de Lafayette, before EXPLODING onto the stage in the second half as indomitable eventual American President Thomas Jefferson.  Not having seen the stage show, I was taken completely by surprise by this, revelling in its revisionist genius and offbeat, quirky hip-hop charm, spellbound by the skilful ease with which is takes the sometimes quite dull historical fact and skews it into something consistently entertaining and absorbing, transported by the catchy earworm musical numbers and thoroughly tickled by the delightfully cheeky sense of humour strung throughout (at least when I wasn’t having my heart broken by moments of raw dramatic power). Altogether it’s a pretty unique cinematic experience I wish I could have actually gotten to see on the big screen, and one I’ve consistently recommended to all my friends, even the ones who don’t usually like musicals.  As far as I’m concerned it doesn’t need a proper Les Misérables style screen adaptation – this is about as perfect a presentation as the show could possibly hope for.

5.  SPUTNIK – the summer’s horror highlight (despite SERIOUSLY tough competition) is a guaranteed sleeper hit that I almost totally missed, stumbling across the trailer one day on YouTube and being completely bowled over by its potential, prompting me to hunt it down by any means necessary.  The feature debut of Russian director Egor Abramenko, this first contact sci-fi chiller is about as far from E.T. as it’s possible to get, sharing some of the same DNA as Carpenter’s The Thing but proudly carving its own path with consummate skill and definitely signalling great things to come from its brand new helmer and relative unknown screenwriters Oleg Malovichko and Andrei Zolotarev.  Oksana Akinshina (probably best known in the West for her powerful climactic cameo in The Bourne Supremacy) is the beating heart of the film as neurophysiologist Tatyana Yuryevna Klimova, brought in to aid in the investigation in the Russian wilderness circa 1983 after an orbital research mission goes horribly wrong.  One of the cosmonauts dies horribly, while the other, Konstantin (The Duelist’s Pyotr Fyodorov) seems unharmed, but it quickly becomes clear that he’s now playing host to something decidedly extraterrestrial and potentially terrifying, and as Tatyana becomes more deeply embroiled in her assignment she comes to realise that her superiors, particularly mysterious Red Army project leader Colonel Semiradov (The PyraMMMid’s Fyodor Bondarchuk), have far darker plans for Konstantin and his new “friend” than she could ever imagine.  This is about as dark, intense and nightmarish as this particular sub-genre gets, a magnificently icky body horror that slowly builds its tension as we’re gradually exposed to the various truths and the awful gravity of the situation slowly reveals itself, punctuated by skilfully executed shocks and some particularly horrifying moments when the evils inflicted by the humans in charge prove to be far worse than anything the alien can do, while the ridiculously talented writers have a field day pulling the rug out from under us again and again, never going for the obvious twist and keeping us guessing right to the devastating ending, while the beautifully crafted digital creature effects are nothing short of astonishing and thoroughly creepy.  Akinshina dominates the film with her unbridled grace, vulnerability and integrity, the relationship that develops between Tatyana and Konstantin (Fyodorov delivering a beautifully understated turn belying deep inner turmoil) feeling realistically earned as it goes from tentatively wary to ultimately, tragically bittersweet, while Bondarchuk invests the Colonel with a subtly nuanced air of tarnished authority and restrained brutality that makes him one of my top screen villains for the year.  Guaranteed to go down as one of 2020’s great sleeper hits, I can’t speak of this film highly enough – it’s a genuine revelation, an instant classic for whom I’ll sing its praises for the remainder of the year and beyond, and I wish utmost success to all the creative talents involved in the future.  The Invisible Man still rules the roost in the year’s horror stakes, but this runs a VERY close second …

4.  GREYHOUND – when the cinemas closed back in March, the fate of many of the major summer blockbusters we’d been looking forward to was thrown into terrible doubt. Some were pushed back to more amenable dates in the autumn or winter, others knocked back a whole year to fill summer slots for 2021, but more than a few simply dropped off the radar entirely with the terrible words “postponed until further notice” stamped on them, and I lamented them all, this one in particular.  It hung in there longer than some, stubbornly holding onto its June release slot for as long as possible, but eventually it gave up the ghost too … but thanks to Apple TV+, not for long, ultimately releasing less than a month later than intended.  Thankfully the final film was worth the fuss, a taut World War II suspense thriller that’s all killer, no filler – set during the infamous Battle of the Atlantic, it portrays the constant life-or-death struggle faced by the Allied warships assigned to escort the transport convoys as they crossed the ocean, defending their charges from German U-boats.  Adapted from C.S. Forester’s famous 1955 novel The Good Shepherd by Tom Hanks and directed by Aaron Schneider (Get Low), the narrative focuses on the crew of the escort leader, American destroyer USS Fletcher, codenamed Greyhound, and in particular its captain, Commander Ernest Krause (Hanks), a career sailor serving his first command.  As they cross “the Pit”, the most dangerous mid stretch of the journey where they spend days without air-cover, they find themselves shadowed by “the Wolf Pack”, a particularly cunning group of German subs that begin to pick away at the convoy’s stragglers.  Faced with daunting odds, a dwindling supply of vital depth-charges and a ruthless, persistent enemy, Krause must make hard choices to bring his ships home safe … jumping into the thick of the action within the first ten minutes and maintaining that tension for the remainder of its trim 90-minute run, this is screen suspense par excellence, a sleek textbook example of how to craft a compelling big screen knuckle-whitener with zero fat and maximum reward, delivering a series of desperate naval scraps packed with hide-and-seek intensity, heart-in-mouth near-misses and fist-in-air cathartic payoffs by the bucket-load.  Hanks is subtly magnificent, the calm centre of the narrative storm as a supposed newcomer to this battle arena who could have been BORN for it, bringing to mind the similarly unflappable turn he delivered in Captain Phillips and certainly not suffering by comparison; by and large he’s the focus point, but other crew members do make strong (if sometimes quite brief) impressions, particularly Stephen Graham as Krause’s reliably seasoned XO, Lt. Commander Charlie Cole, The Magnificent Seven’s Manuel Garcia-Rulfo and Just Mercy’s Rob Morgan, while Elisabeth Shue does a lot with a very small part in brief flashbacks as Krause’s fiancée Evelyn.  Relentless, powerful, exhilarating and thoroughly unforgettable, this was one of the true action highlights of the summer, and one hell of a war flick.  I’m so glad it made the cut for the season …

3.  PROJECT POWER – with Marvel and DC pushing their tent-pole titles back into late autumn in the face of COVID, the usual superhero antics we’ve come to expect over the main blockbuster season were pretty thin on the ground, leading us to find our geeky fan thrills elsewhere.  Unfortunately, pickings were frustratingly slim – Korean comic book actioner Gundala was entertaining but workmanlike, while Thor AU-take Mortal was underwhelming despite strong direction from Troll Hunter’s André Øvredal, and I’ve already made my feelings clear on the frustration of The New Mutants – thank the Gods, then, for Netflix, once again riding to the rescue with this enjoyably offbeat super-thriller, which takes an intriguing central premise and really runs with it.  New designer drug Power has hit the streets of New Orleans, able to give anyone who takes it a superpower for five minutes … the only problem is, until you try it, you won’t know what your own unique talent is – for some, it could mean five minutes of invisibility, or insane levels of super-strength, but other powers can be potentially lethal, the really unlucky buggers just blowing up on the spot.  Robin (The Hate U Give’s Dominique Fishback) is a teenage Power-pusher with dreams of becoming a rap star, dealing the pills so she can help her diabetic mum; Frank Shaver (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is one of her customers, an NOPD detective who uses his power of near invulnerability to even the playing field when powered crims cause a disturbance.  Their lives are turned upside down when Art (Jamie Foxx) arrives in town – he’s a seriously badass ex-soldier determined to hunt down the source of Power by any means necessary, and he’s not above tearing the Big Easy apart to do it.  This is a fun, gleefully infectious  rollercoaster that doesn’t take itself too seriously, revelling in the anarchic potential of its premise and crafting some suitably OTT effects-driven chaos brought to pleasingly visceral fruition by its skilfully inventive director, Ariel Schulman (Catfish, Nerve, Viral), while Mattson Tomlin (the screenwriter of next year’s incendiary DCEU headline act The Batman) takes his script in some very interesting directions and poses some fascinating questions about what Power’s TRULY capable of.  Gordon-Levitt and Fishback are both brilliant, the latter particularly impressing in what’s sure to be a major breakthrough role for her, and the friendship their characters share is pretty adorable, while Foxx really is a force to be reckoned with, pretty chill even when he’s in deep shit but fully capable of turning into a bona fide killing machine at the flip of a switch, and there’s strong support from Westworld’s Rodrigo Santoro as Biggie, Power’s delightfully oily kingpin, Courtney B. Vance as Frank’s by-the-book superior, Captain Crane, Amy Landecker as Gardner, the morally bankrupt CIA spook responsible for the drug’s production, and Machine Gun Kelly as Newt, a Power dealer whose explosive pyrotechnic “gift” really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Exciting, inventive, frequently amusing and infectiously likeable, this was some of the most uncomplicated “cinematic” fun I had this summer.  Not bad for something which I’m sure was originally destined to become one of the season’s B-list features …

2.  THE OLD GUARD – Netflix’s undisputable TOP OFFERING of the summer came damn close to bagging the whole season, and I can’t help thinking that even if some of the stiffer competition had still been present it may well have still finished this high. Gina Prince-Blythewood (Love & Basketball, the Secret Life of Bees) directs comics legend Greg Rucka’s adaptation of his own popular title with uncanny skill and laser-focused visual flair considering there’s nothing on her previous CV to suggest she’d be THIS good at mounting a stomping good ultraviolent action thriller, ushering in this thoroughly engrossing tale of four ancient, invulnerable immortal warriors – Andy AKA Andromache of Scythia (Charlize Theron), Booker AKA Sebastian de Livre (Matthias Schoenaerts), Joe AKA Yusuf Al-Kaysani (Wolf’s Marwan Kenzari) and Nicky AKA Niccolo di Ginova (Trust’s Luca Marinelli) – who’ve been around forever, hiring out their services as mercenaries for righteous causes while jealously guarding their identities for fear of horrific experimentation and exploitation should their true natures ever be discovered.  Their anonymity is threatened, however, when they’re uncovered by former CIA operative James Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), working for the decidedly dodgy pharmaceutical conglomerate run by sociopathic billionaire Steven Merrick (Harry Melling, formerly Dudley in the Harry Potter movies), who want to capture these immortals so they can patent whatever it is that makes them keep on ticking … just as a fifth immortal, US Marine Nile Freeman (If Beale Street Could Talk’s KiKi Layne), awakens after being “killed” on deployment in Afghanistan.  The supporting players are excellent, particularly Ejiofor, smart and driven but ultimately principled and deeply conflicted about what he’s doing, even if he does have the best of intentions, and Melling, the kind of loathsome, reptilian scumbag you just love to hate, but the film REALLY DOES belong to the Old Guard themselves – Schoenaerts is a master brooder, spot-on casting as the group’s relative newcomer, only immortal since the Napoleonic Wars but clearly one seriously old soul who’s already VERY tired of the lifestyle, while Joe and Nicky (who met on opposing sides of the Crusades) are simply ADORABLE, an unapologetically matter-of-fact gay couple who are sweet, sassy and incredibly kind, the absolute emotional heart of the film; it’s the ladies, however, that are most memorable here.  Layne is exceptional, investing Nile with a steely intensity that puts her in good stead as her new existence threatens to overwhelm her and MORE THAN qualified to bust heads alongside her elders … but it’s ancient Greek warrior Andy who steals the film, Theron building on the astounding work she did in Atomic Blonde to prove, once and for all, that there’s no woman on Earth who looks better kicking arse than her (as Booker puts it, “that woman has forgotten more ways to kill than entire armies will ever learn”); in her hands, Andy truly is a goddess of death, tough as tungsten alloy and unflappable even in the face of hell itself, but underneath it all she hides a heart as big as any of her friends’. They’re an impossibly lovable bunch and you feel you could follow them on another TEN adventures like this one, which is just as well, because Prince-Blythewood and Rucka certainly put them through their paces here – the drama is high (but frequently laced with a gentle, knowing sense of humour, particularly whenever Joe and Nicky are onscreen), as are the stakes, and the frequent action sequences are top-notch, executed with rare skill and bone-crunching zest, but also ALWAYS in service to the story. Altogether this is an astounding film, a genuine victory for its makers and, it seems, for Netflix themselves – it’s become one of the platform’s biggest hits to date, earning well-deserved critical acclaim and great respect and genuine geek love from the fanbase at large. After this, a sequel is not only inevitable, it’s ESSENTIAL …

1.  TENET – granted, the streaming platforms (particularly Netflix and Amazon) certainly did save our cinematic summer, but I’m still IMMEASURABLY glad that the season’s ultimate top-spot winner was one I got to experience on THE BIG SCREEN.  You gotta hand it to Christopher Nolan, he sure hung in there, stubbornly determined that his latest cinematic masterpiece WOULD be released in cinemas in the summer (albeit ultimately landing JUST inside the line in the final week of August), and it was worth all the fuss because, for me, this was THE PERFECT MOVIE for me to get return to cinemas with.  I mean, okay, in the end it WASN’T the FIRST new movie I saw after the reopening, that honour went to Unhinged, but THIS was my first real Saturday night out big screen EXPERIENCE since March.  Needless to say, Nolan didn’t disappoint this time any more than he has on any of his consistently spectacular previous releases, delivering another twisted, mind-boggling headfuck of a full-blooded experiential sensory overload that comes perilously close to toppling his long-standing auteur-peak, Inception (itself second only by fractions to The Dark Knight as far as I’m concerned). To say much at all about the plot would give away major spoilers – personally I’d recommend just going in as cold as possible, indeed you really should just stop reading this right now and just GO SEE IT.  Still with us?  Okay … the VERY abridged version is that it’s about a secret war being waged between the present and the future by people capable of “inverting” time in substances, objects, people, whatever, into which the Protagonist (BlacKkKlansman’s John David Washington), an unnamed CIA agent, has been dispatched in order to prevent a potential coming apocalypse. Washington is once again on top form, crafting a robust and compelling morally complex heroic lead who’s just as comfortable negotiating the minefields of black market intrigue as he is breaking into places or dispatching heavies, Kenneth Branagh delivers one of his most interesting and memorable performances in years as brutal Russian oligarch Andrei Sator, a genuinely nasty piece of work who may be the year’s very best screen villain, Elizabeth Debicki (The Night Manager, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Widows) brings strength, poise and wounded integrity to the role of Sator’s estranged wife, Kat, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson gets to use his own accent for once as tough-as-nails British Intelligence officer Ives, while there are brief but consistently notable supporting turns and cameos from Martin Donovan, Yesterday’s HImesh Patel, Dirk Gently’s Fiona Dourif and, of course, Nolan’s good luck charm, Michael Caine.  The cast’s biggest surprise, however, is Robert Pattinson, truly a revelation in what has to be, HANDS DOWN, his best role to date, Neil, the Protagonist’s mysterious handler – he’s by turns cheeky, slick, duplicitous and thoroughly badass, delivering an enjoyably multi-layered, chameleonic performance which proves what I’ve long maintained, that the former Twilight star is actually a fucking amazing actor, and on the basis of this, even without that amazing new teaser trailer making the rounds, I think the debate about whether or not he’s the right choice for the new Batman is now academic.  As we’ve come to expect from Nolan, this is a TRUE tour-de-force experience, a visual masterpiece and an endlessly engrossing head-scratcher, Nolan’s screenplay bringing in some seriously big ideas and throwing us some major narrative knots and loopholes, constantly wrong-footing the viewer while also setting up truly revelatory payoffs from seemingly low-key, unimportant beginnings – this is a film you need to be awake and attentive for or you could miss something pretty vital.  The action sequences are, as ever, second to none, some of the year’s very best set-pieces coming thick and fast and executed with some of the most accomplished skill in the business, while Nolan-regular cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema (Interstellar and Dunkirk, as well as the heady likes of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, SPECTRE and Ad Astra) once again shows he’s one of the best camera-wizards in the business today by delivering some truly mesmerising visuals.  Notably, Nolan’s other regular collaborator, composer Hans Zimmer, is absent here (although he has good reason, currently working on his dream project, the fast-approaching screen adaptation of Dune), but Ludwig Göransson (best known for his regular collaborations with Ryan Coogler on the likes of Fruitvale Station, Creed and Black Panther, as well as truly awesome work on The Mandalorian) makes for a fine replacement, crafting an intriguingly internalised, post-modern musical landscape that thrums and pulses in time with the story and emotions of the characters rather than the action itself. Interestingly it’s on the subject of sound that some of the film’s rare detractions have been levelled, and I can see some of the points – the soundtrack mix is an all-encompassing thing, and there are times when the dialogue can be overwhelmed, but in Nolan’s defence as a film this is a heady, immersive experience, something you really need to concentrate on, so these potential flaws are easily forgiven.  As a piece of filmmaking art, this is another flawless wonder from one of the true masters of the craft working in cinema today, but it’s art with palpable substance, a rewarding whole that really HAS TO BE experienced on the big screen.  So put your snobbery at post-lockdown restrictions aside for the moment and get yourself down to your nearest cinema so you can experience it for yourself.  You won’t be disappointed.  Right now, this is my movie of the year, and with only one possible exception, I really don’t see that changing …

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

If you're a fan of Peter Parker acting like an irresponsible, loathsome jerk, this is the comic for you... ...Peter Parker has to be yelled at by May to "be a father" and not treat his own son, and the only piece of MJ he has left, like something under his shoe... ...He's too submerged in his own pain, you see. So after needing May to yell at him like he didn't walk the dog, Peter goes upstairs to give his attempt at a heart to heart speech. It is awkward and pathetic to read... ...This is a Peter Parker who has failed his greatest responsibility to be half the dad the first Ben Parker was... ...Ben doesn't recover until his gal pal Faye Ito shows up. Having become the "manic pixie dream girl" who is critical to everything Ben does, thinks, and feels, she's crucial for this stage of the story. She all but picks Ben up from the street, wipes away his tears and blood, and urges him towards the next chapter of the story... ...When the going gets tough, the tough go to see Iron Man. At least that's the message from the last couple of Marvel Cinematic Universe "SPIDER-MAN" films, and this tale borrows heavily from them. After all, this is an exercise in nepotism and resume padding, not a real "story" that "counts" or has "value," so why not crib from J.J.'s own employer?... ...Whoa, Riri is here! Does that mean either J.J. Abrams or his son have actually read a comic book since 2015? Or have they merely been paying attention to some media feeds about her? At any rate, her sheer appearance alone was enough to get CBR to breathlessly promote this latest issue via an advertisement. Yet in theory all she does is replace Pepper Potts as Tony Stark's long suffering yet totally more competent CEO of his own company... ...after that brief bit of pretending that the Abrams' collective knowledge of Marvel characters isn't based entirely on notes he glimpsed from Kevin Feige in between STAR WARS films, the pair jerk readers right back. They don't even pretend about it; the same half-built hot rod that Robert Downey Jr. always had in his Iron Man lab is featured heavily in his introduction. The pair also try mightily to imitate Downey's delivery and dialogue with their older, broken down and alcoholic version of Stark, and fail spectacularly... ...Anyone who loved seeing Peter Parker as a counterproductive version of himself should be thrilled to see the same approach with Tony Stark. The theme seems to be that any sort of destructive behavior is justifiable so long as it is a reaction to grief. Much as Peter Parker has become a bad father out of grief from losing MJ, Tony Stark has become a bad Avenger out of grief for losing them. He is an alcoholic malcontent and out of his mind. He literally signs Ben's face and can't go more than one or two lines without devolving into failed attempts at random pithy one-liners. The average poster on Reddit is better at it... ...Not only can't Ben Parker don his costume or get started on his "hero's journey" without the aid of a girlfriend, he also needs the aid of another superhero for some vital exposition. Abrams and son can't even just have Faye and Ben do some investigating on their own (even if just on a computer with a lame 90's "hacking" scene). They need to ask Iron Man for help in explaining their own plot to them. And things get more needlessly insane, while also bluntly simplistic... ...There is also an absurd moment, much like the previous issue, where a character within this very story criticizes how stupid it is. Tony claimed Cadaverous "is a stupid name." Of course it is a stupid name; so dumb that the "writers" are having fun joking about how bad it is. Yet if it is so bad, why not concentrate on not making it stupid, but on creating a genuine antagonist and not a collection of science fiction cliches? This may be Junior Abrams' first fiction, but shouldn't Poppa Abrams have some measure of quality control? I mean he's only the genius who co-wrote masterworks like "GONE FISHIN'"!.. ...Cadaverous continues on with his oddly lettered ramblings about pain, suffering, triumph, and villainous gibberish. All his design needs in its desperate attempt to be "kewl" are some spiked shoulder-pads!... ...During the last two reviews, I compared Cadaverous to Mendel Stromm, a.k.a. Gaunt. Unfortunately, even this was giving the Abrams pair far too much credit. Instead, Cadaverous is just some random Stark scientist named Ivan Renz who is trying to resurrect his dead wife Minka Tross using his own malfunctioning healing serum he calls "the Key" that Richard Parker based on his DNA for the sole purpose of allowing this plot to having anything to do with Spider-Man. That's right; the ultimate Spider-Man rogue who killed Mary Jane like she was Gwen Stacy and impaled Peter Parker isn't even one of his own villains. It's a random schmuck who has more to do with Iron Man whose techno-zombie serum just so happened to be combined with Parker's DNA for plot convenient reasons. This would be be lame even for a film that an audience member paid $10-$15 to see in 3D. For a comic book which will cost north of $25 to have completed, it is inexcusably horrid. This is barely a first draft, much less a story. ...

https://www.patreon.com/posts/spider-man-3-32643614?fbclid=IwAR1lMqw6VqIOpikqMaIuZkniCgsvIETyCat7hQvwDK0gmOLz_t9S8vMEEwU

[simmonsofshield]

Reassignment

Part 1/1

Pairing: none Characters: Kate Beckett, Kevin Ryan, Javier Esposito, Jemma Simmons, Philip Coulson

Summary: Amidst clean up after the Battle of New York, things happen and Officer Y/N ends up in the quinjet’s medical bay.

Words: 1900+

A/N:  Unplanned, but I guess in honor of my url change, Jemma has a small feature in this fic! This was originally gonna be a copy-paste of one of my fics from wattpad, but then I wanted to make it more accurate to New York so 98% of this is new writing. So much for trying to cut corners. 🤷😂 Loose tie-ins of Agents of SHIELD and Castle. (Characters, not really the shows..) Canonically, Skye (Daisy) wouldn’t have her powers yet, but my story my rules lol. So she does. Three weeks late (I was suppose to post this on the 1st), but at least I got it done, right? This is for @fanfictionaries​‘s classic trope challenge. I chose police au. Takes place after Avengers.

Police codes key: 12-David-19 [Precinct # - city section - police car id] used 9th precinct as reference 10-50 Disorderly (group, person, noise) non-crime 10-10 Possible crime (many tags, the one i use is P, suspicious person/prowler)

“Here’s what’s going on today,” Captain Beckett begins, “it’s been almost six months since the Battle of New York. Midtown South is still asking for help with crowd control and patrol of the area, as most of their officers are helping with clean up. I told them the 12th Precinct is happy to help as long as it doesn’t interfere with our daily patrols. Today they’re only asking for two, so Ryan and Esposito, it’s on you today. Just make sure no weirdos or teens with sticky fingers try to get in the rubble.”

“Yes Captain.”

“L/N, my office, please.”

You look at her with surprise, then over to the boys. Ryan is the first to speak, rolling his eyes, “Of course. Little Y/N getting special treatment once again. I bet you’re getting put on a really cool case. You know, she’s basically training you to be a mini her.”

You roll your eyes back at him, “Sounds like you’re just jealous because I rose to this rank in half the time it took you.”

“Ooooo...” Esposito calls from his desk, “want some ice for that burn?”

“Shut up,” he mumbles as he slumps back in his chair.

You laugh as you walk to Beckett’s office, the door being closed behind you. You start to get worried when she starts shutting the blinds too. “Captain?”

She sets a file in front of you and begins explaining. “Though Kevin was joking, he wasn’t wrong. You have impressed me since you came here from the academy. You were the youngest to be promoted to detective, and your persistence hasn’t gone unnoticed. Which is why I think you’re perfect for this particular assignment.”

She nods to the file, and you pick it up, opening it. Your brows furrow at the first page and you look back up at her, “I don’t understand. Philip Coulson died on a helicarrier before the attack on New York even happened. Didn’t Loki kill him or whatever?”

“Originally, yes.”

“Originally?”

“Most if it is redacted and classified, but what was released - specifically for you in this file, turn the page - was that some experimental tech was used and more or less brought him back to life.”

You read exactly that as she says it, but you’re left with more questions than answers with every page turn. “What do you mean specifically for me? How many people know he’s alive?”

She blows out some air, sitting down at her desk to look you in the eye, “Only SHIELD level 7 and above. We are of only a few civilians that know. This cannot leave this room. The only others that know are ones that will be a part of this team that Agent Coulson is putting together alongside Agent Maria Hill and Director Fury.”

Again, more questions. “But...I’m a homicide detective...not SHIELD...” You pause for a moment as you try to form a question with all the information that is now in your mind, “Why me?” is what you come up with.

She shrugs, “That’s a question for Coulson or Hill. I can’t answer it. You’ll work today but after that you’ll be with SHIELD and Coulson,” she nods back to the file, “I suggest you finish reading through that tonight.” She stands up and walks toward the door.

“I’m sorry, Captain, one last question,” she lets go of the door handle and turns around, “what does all this mean for this job? Am I like fired or something?”

“No, no, nothing like that,” she says with a smile, “Agent Hill and I already discussed the technicalities, but basically what will be said is that you’re going undercover with SHIELD for a big operation and you’ll be gone for a few weeks. Which, really, isn’t that much of a lie.”

You nodded, somewhat understanding, “Yes, ma’am. See you in a few weeks, I guess.”

She also nods, smiling, “Likewise, detective.”

Nearing the end of your shift, you’re about to head back to the station when there’s an aggravated call on the scanner. “10-50. These crowds are getting out of hand. More officers needed in Midtown near Grand Central.”

You go back and forth in your head for a moment before deciding to respond, “Dispatch, add 12-David-19 to that 10-50 call. En route from East Village. ETA about 20 minutes.” You turn on your lights and try to get there as fast as you can.

Arriving on scene, you park about four blocks away, at Park and 38th, which is as close as you can get with all the rubble and destroyed buildings. This is the main drag of where most of the Avenger’s fight happened. It’s no surprise that half of New York is here to see the damage, even six months later.

Now on foot, you’re about halfway to Grand Central Station when you hear the breaking of glass and catch some suspicious activity out of the corner of your eye. You follow, talking into your radio, “This is 12-David-19. I’ve got a 10-10P. Kids breaking windows of businesses. It doesn’t look like they’ve stolen anything yet. I’m going to keep an eye on them. Requesting one or two officers for backup if anyone can leave Grand Central Station. 40th street, headed NorthEast.”

You casually follow at a distance until all of a sudden, “Whoa, dudes, check this out!” One of the kids picks up a weapon of some sort. Clearly not of this world and from the Battle, you’re 99% sure. He poses with it and one of his friends takes a picture of him with their phone. “I wonder what this button does.”

“Ahh!” Whatever came out of the weapon hits you directly in the shoulder and you fall to the ground. This is the first time the group of kids notice your presence. They fight for a moment, deciding whether to run or help. A groan from you cuts their argument short and most leave, while two stay.

By what you can tell with your blurry vision, they seem to be brothers. The one walking towards you is clearly friends with the ones that fled, while the other is younger. If you had to guess, you’d say early high school, 14-16, and 12ish for their ages.

You grab your radio and talk into it softly. Hopefully someone will be able to hear you. “Ambulance needed at location of 10-10. Officer down, shot with some sort of alien weapon.”

The older one kneels beside you and takes off his shirt, wrapping it around your wound, attempting to make a tourniquet. You let out a raspy laugh. It’s not quite right, but you appreciate the attempt. “You seem to know what you’re doing.”

You can see the fear still on his face but he smiles nonetheless, “I’ve seen a few medical shows. I think this is right.”

“Anything to slow the bleeding. You’re doing good. What’s your name?”

“Derek Saunders. Am I going to jail?”

“N-no, why would you think that?”

“My friend shot you. Aren’t I an accessory or whatever?”

You shake your head, “You watch cop shows too?” you joke.

“My dad’s a cop. He’s helping at Grand Central right now.”

You cough out another laugh. How convenient. You’re about to tell him to call his dad on your radio when you hear another blast. It feels like it happens in slow motion. You watch as the burst of energy goes up at an angle and hits the building next to where you’re laying. You hear the boy yell something in the opposite direction, you’re assuming at his brother, who most likely got curious and picked up the alien weapon. You see the huge pieces of building falling towards you and Derek.

You let out a scream, though you’re not sure how loud it is due to your blood loss and how tired you’re getting. You close your eyes, knowing the inevitable is going to happen, and just waiting for it. You feel the ground rumble and try to open your eyes to understand what's going on, but you can’t.

Your world goes black.

You wake up to the sound of steady beeping. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the brightness of the fluorescent lights, but once you do you begin to panic. You know this is medical equipment and you’re in a room of some sort, but you’re not sure, something doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t seem like a hospital room.

You hear the whooshing of an automatic door sliding open. “It’s okay, officer. No need to panic. You are in great hands.” A pleasant British voice says to you. It does put you at ease a little.

The brunette seems to be taking your vitals or something at the moment, writing on a clipboard. You clear your throat, “Uh..where am I?”

“Oh of course,” she smiles embarrassedly, “welcome to the Bus. We’re with SHIELD. You’re safe.” she reassures.

“The Bus?” you raise an eyebrow.

“Yes,” your eyes shoot to the new voice, “welcome aboard.”

“Agent Coulson.” You try to sit up, but the pain in your shoulder stops you. You wince and lay back down.

“I assumed our meeting would be under better circumstances, but this’ll have to do.” he says with a smile. “Thank you, Simmons.” he nods at the girl and she leaves.

“What happened?”

“We heard your call on 40th.”

“Were you tracking me?”

“No,” he scoffs, “just making sure you didn’t get hurt before we got to meet you. Kinda failed at that, huh?”

You can’t help but chuckle a little, “Okay, but how the heck did I....” you trailed off, trying to think of how to word your question.

“Not die?” he looks at you, finishing your sentence.

“Uh, yeah.”

“You have Skye to thank for that. To avoid a lengthy explanation, she has the ability to ‘quake’ things apart and stopped the piece of building from falling on you and the young man helping you.”

“What happened to Derek and his brother?”

“They’re safe. And the weapon has been confiscated, now SHIELD property.”

You nodded, content with his explanations. There’s a lull in the conversation and you take the time to actually take in your surroundings. The room you’re in is glass on three sides, the fourth being a wall of shelves for medical items. You look down at yourself, not in a gown like a hospital, but someone’s tank top and shorts. You’d have to ask about that later. You focus on your shoulder, eyes going wide. It still hurts, but looks completely healed. 

“Pretty cool, huh?” you look at Agent Coulson, who is smiling like a proud dad, “you’d lost a lot of blood by the time we found you. We immediately put you in the tissue regeneration pod and got it going on your shoulder. It looks healed, but you’ll have to stay in here for a couple more days and be monitored.”

“Tissue regeneration? How long was I out?”

“From when we found you to getting you to the pod, only a few minutes, but we had to anesthetize you so you wouldn’t wake up during the regeneration, so you've been out for about 16 hours.”

“Oh.” is all you’re able to say, still taking it in. Tissue regeneration. How are you supposed to comprehend that? “Thanks, I guess.”

He nods, “So are you ready to discuss your new position with SHIELD?”

Besides the man being in front of you, you had completely forgotten about your transition from NYPD detective to possibly SHIELD agent? The two of you certainly had a lot to talk about. “Yes, sir.”

[angelinarecs]

Welcome to Night Vale Recs

One of my favourite podcasts! You can follow the full rec page here. 

Organized by pairing (or gen) and then alphabetized by title. Summaries (which have been copied from their respective stories) and descriptions are provided. Notation at the end of the description indicates if a story is completed or a WIP.

Cecil/Carlos

An Accident of Science - Cecil announces something on the air and Carlos is the most surprised of them all. Romance/Family. Carlos tries to navigate the weirdness of the Night Vale medical system when he learns that Cecil is expecting. Oh look, I’m reccing another mpreg fic. Gee, I need to get a better coping mechanism for the ‘ovaries don’t function’ shit and stop posting these things. But they’re just so cute and my unnecessarily hormonal ass wants more. One-shot.

A Radio Host is Always Tenacious - It had already happened to Carlos, so Cecil really should have seen it coming. But then he was out reporting on the sudden torrential downpour and it was nearing Night Vale’s cooler season and honestly, Carlos was so cute when he was doing science that Cecil didn’t want to bother him with something so insignificant… Sickfic. In which magic rain reveals the truth to the citizens of Night Vale and causes mass pandemonium. Cecil is forced to confront the memories he buried after Cassettes and Carlos tries to keep everything together long enough to get them both out of danger. Slightly weird, oddly written, but fitting of Night Vale. Complete.

for the way across - Cecil is jumped while walking home from work, and Carlos takes him to Abby’s for help. Fluff/Hurt/Comfort.  A blind!Cecil story. It’s not the most original plot, but I did enjoy the look at disability and bloodstone circles in Night Vale. One-shot.

Four Years Later - It’s been four years since Carlos first arrived in Night Vale, and he is planning to propose. Meanwhile, Kevin finally escapes the desert otherworld and decides that the only way he can be with Carlos is if Cecil is out of the picture—permanently. Angst/Hurt/Comfort. A take on the possibility of Cecil being immortal as well as an explanation for his fear of mirrors. This is one of my favorite fanfics and I really love how it ties into and plays with several parts of cannon so well. A must read for angsty Cecilos fans. Complete.

Offspring - “Listeners, I can’t stand it any longer. I have the most exciting news and I just can’t hold it in anymore. Carlos, my beautiful, perfect husband, I hope you’re listening, because this announcement is mostly for you. As some of you might be aware, I experience a cycle every six years and while that would usually be an embarrassment to admit, this time it brings me nothing but joy. After a visit to the Night Vale General Hospital this morning, I discovered that I’m carrying six eggs, all of them occupied. That’s right listeners, I’m pregnant!” Family/Fluff. Cecil is pregnant in only the way Night Vale could allow, but he and Carlos are excited to start a family. This is cute and fluffy and I need it in my life right now. One-shot.

The Night of the Silver Teeth - The sex that started it all is sort of Carlos’ fault. No, that’s not fair. It takes two to tango, they say. Except that in Nightvale they’d say, “It takes two to spawn a vicious, toothed, screaming hell-creature that will chew its way out of your insides in the middle of the night and leave your boyfriend working far above his medical qualifications to save your life. But oh, isn’t it the cutest little button!“ Horror/Hurt/Comfort. Cecil unexpectedly has a child in the middle of the night or, more accurately, the child chews its way out of his abdomen. Poor Carlos has to figure out how to keep everyone alive and in one piece. I love when crack and horror intersect in fun and terrifying ways! Also, some really well done characterization with Cecil’s radio show. One-shot.

Night Vale’s Newest Citizen - The City Council declares Night Vale a “disaster zone,” and puts all citizens on strict rations. Except there isn’t enough food to go around, and Cecil decides that Carlos is more deserving of their food than he is. Angst. Cecil makes stupid decisions, Carlos is oblivious until it’s almost too late, and Night Vale’s emergency systems screws everyone over. Angst in the beginning turns into delightful fluff at the end. One-shot.

No One Said Possession Was Pleasant - “…she turns to look back, and we all see her face and we…” Cecil paused, though not entirely by choice. He felt a push at the back of his mind.

“We….” He struggled to continue speaking, he felt himself floundering in his own mind. Somewhere in his fleeting consciousness Cecil registered panic, a tightening in the vocal chords, which were normally soft and loose. His voice scraped across his throat. He could feel his pupils contract painfully, his skin rippling. “we…. The Woman From Italy, Oh! Merciful Goddess!” Hurt/Comfort/Fluff. Episode tag for The Woman From Italy, mostly just a guilty pleasure excuse to see Cecil affected by the horrors that Night Vale regularly goes through. One-shot.

Palmer, Cecil G. Sertraline - Set sometime before Condos. (31.5) Cecil has certain preferences for transportation and date nights and unusual sleeping habits. Carlos is very accepting of it all, but a little confused. My theory of how Carlos found out his boyfriend has a chronic illness. Fluff. Am I reccing this because I also have a chronic illness that my spouse has to contend with, maybe. But it’s cute and very in character, so here it is. One-shot.

Red Flagged (Or, Five Times Cecil Saved Carlos from Almost Certain Death, and One Time Carlos Returned the Favor) - Does what it says on the tin. If this is terrible, I am not responsible. If it is okay, then yeah. I take full responsibility. Fluff/Romance. Cecil is always there to save Carlos, mostly from himself, as the scientist tries to figure out life in Night Vale. I’m always a sucker for 5+1 because I love the variations on a theme and this did not disappoint even if most of the individual plots are drabbles. One-shot.

Scientific Reasoning - Earthquakes in Night Vale have never been real, have never been felt…until today. So what does that have to do with the radio station, and why can’t anyone contact Cecil? Hurt/Comfort. Carlos has to rescue Cecil after an earthquake nearly destroys the community radio station. Much drama and just the right amount of hurt-comfort ensues. This story was written fairly early in cannon and so some Steve Carlsberg hate, but still a cute read. Carlos is an indulgent boyfriend and Cecil is a workaholic. One-shot.

This is Good - After a particularly vicious punishment from Station Management, Cecil returns home to find a welcome surprise who isn’t as nonchalant about what happened as he is. Angst. Carlos tries to patch Cecil up while coming to terms with the how horrifyingly normal violence is in Night Vale. Oh look, another guilty pleasure fic! One-shot.

You are a Mystery to Me - Carlos has an accident. Cecil causes an accident for himself. Thus, side-by-side hospital beds and a front-row seat for your partner’s suffering. Hurt/Comfort. No matter how romantic matching hospital beds might be, both Carlos and Cecil are just happy that the other one is alright. One-shot.

[fallingin-like]

november 29

baltimore blues by @spanglebangle  [requested by @foxsoulcourt​ and @sig66​]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

you’ve probably already read this fic, but in case you haven’t, it’s an amazing exploration of andrew’s perspective on the binghamton riot and baltimore. this fic has fantastic scenes with introspection and is just so impressive to read.

i remember reading this fic for the first time, shortly after having finished the books. i was hesitant to turn to fanfics because i enjoyed the books and nora’s extra content so much and didn’t want to move on, but more than that i was desperate for more content. like most people, i think i was looking for andrew’s perspective on the baltimore scenes. you did an amazing job at capturing it and the moments around it.

parts that stood out to me:

the idea that andrew’s body is tired after a game too. he does spend a lot of time not trying and the rest of the time using a lot of natural talent, but it’s exciting to me (and definitely exciting to neil) to see the evidence that he’s putting so much effort into exy

”he felt pummelled and worn out but despite it all, there was a tiny fizz under his skin. it was something like satisfaction to have denied the other team their goals and having made them curse and yell in frustration, a pleasant bit of spite he could chew on all day” this whole section is such a great vocalization of andrew’s thoughts, and it’s wonderful to see andrew slowly… finding satisfaction from playing, even if it’s based out of spite.

ooh i love the shower routine description, the post that you linked didn’t work for me, but a lot of it was the execution of it, i love the way that you really show trust, but the fact that andrew still carries his trauma with him and still struggles. recovery is a long road and it’s important that this is portrayed

andrew swapping his armbands is interesting to me, i guess i would have imagined he just bring his clean pair with his towel so that he can change it in the stall. with this though, i think it demonstrates the bit of trust, too. even if he makes the switch subtly, i think he wouldn’t do that if he weren’t as comfortable with the foxes

”he’d let andrew ask whatever, demand whatever, and would deliver it if it tore him to pieces” oh this is so beautiful

”it figured, that andrew would meet somebody who finally understood the full weight of a real promise, but would be too apt to take it like a martyr at any opportunity… and yet, being trusted to ask anyway… it put an itch under his skin, an uneasiness and yearning and odd kind of contentment that bothered him endlessly” i think this is the perfect example of a description of andrew’s true feelings about neil. it’s not as simple as liking him or being attracted to him and just saying that he hated him instead. this is a wash of emotions, unfamiliar and at times overwhelming and it kind of feels like a lack of control, which is what andrew really hates

”it felt wrong to demand answers when they might be freely given, if only andrew was patient enough” this whole paragraph is gold!! this is exactly why i think that neil and andrew both work so well together. they know when to push and pull and when to leave the other person alone. 

a whole paragraph on andrew thinking about neil’s affinity with languages? what a mood, i love polyglot!neil. what a perfect request of andrew, something that he thinks neil would enjoy and something that would cause them to become closer, both because they would spend time learning it together and it gives them the privacy to communicate in front of the team

”a pair of campus police edged their way into the crowded room… actual professionals, then” NOOOOOOOOOOO I HATE THAT ANDREW EVEN SEEMS TO TRUST THEM A LITTLE BIT THIS IS TERRIBLE KNOWING WHAT THIS MEANS EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IT’LL TURN OUT ALRIGHT.

oh no, andrew repressing his feelings ;-;

really interesting to see how you write the riot, there’s not that much included in the books, so it’s always fascinating to me to see what andrew does, who he goes to first, what the rest of the foxes are doing, and how he gets that bruise by his eye. and, of course, the realisation that neil’s not around. i like that you have them know right away, while the riot’s still happening

”he wended through corridors and broke locks to see if neil had scarpered for safety in the heat of the moment and found somewhere quiet to hole up and lick his wounds” ooo i like this sentence a lot 

andrew holding on to the keys?? ahhh it’s so much

okay okay okay. non-verbal andrew is something that i really like having included, the confusion, not understanding what people were saying to him, it really immerses me into the fic, i can’t stop reading and i find it really special that i can’t wait to find out what happens, even though i already know that neil is okay, that they find him.

the switch to have andrew speak again is so good, how difficult it is to separate him from kevin, the way that andrew can’t hide his emotion this time

”he knelt and picked up the phone and keys as gently as he could, feeling appalled he’d let them go for even a second” this is such a soft moment amidst the churning, sharpness of andrew’s anger

”andrew found himself hauled away again like a child having a tantrum and plonked outside the bus” lol cute!!

andrew losing time? yeah

”it hit him around ten that he was grieving” ANDREW NO THAT’S SO SAD HOW DARE YOU BREAK MY HEART LIKE THIS

”apparently neil’s refusing to talk to them until he sees your ugly mugs again” LOL so affectionate

andrew finally being able to sleep is so good

love that andrew is keeping the keys and phone with him all the time!!!

yes, another wymack lecture would be good any other time than this coach!

it’s always interesting to see how different authors/artists interpret the wounds that neil received. i think that, as gruesome as yours are, they seem something most similar to what i expected. burns that are a mess, and many of then, completely destroying that side of his face. i can’t imagine lola stopping at one or two of them and moving on to his arms

”they were a mirror image of crushed glass and barbed wire on high walls” yes!! this whole paragraph!!! so amazing

”andrew wanted to hate the spark of amusement and almost relief in his chest, at seeing neil be the unapologetic firebrand and fierce instigator that had snagged andrew’s attention over and over again this year, even battered and injured and shaken” your word choice is so great here, the way that you built this sentence i can’t even describe how much i like it

”it often was, andrew thought distractedly. it had taken so little to stop tilda” andrew is probably the only fox that truly understands wanting a parent dead

”he listened attentively to the story neil gave the interviewers, but everyone else’s voices slurred and mumbed together in a confusing, exhausting mess.” i love the way that you describe andrew being overwhelmed by everything. his one focal point is, and always has been, neil and keeping him safe.

”’stop it,’ andrew commanded, because he couldn’t bear the thought of neil’s hands being permanently damaged” oh it’s so interesting hearing how you interpreted this

”he leaned back against andrew’s side. it was more soothing than andrew wanted it to be” this is so soft!

”before starting the engine, he took the cigarette lighter from his dashboard and tossed it calmly out the window and into a trash can” yes! even more significant because andrew probably actually used the cigarette lighter previously

”he drove his pack back to the campus roads” andrew calls them his pack!! that is so cute

”being yanked out of the closet so violently had never been his plan, but it seemed oddly fitting for the general pattern of his life” i’ve spend a long time reading fanfics instead of the actual series so i forgot for a moment that before this, nobody knew andrew was gay. and the last part, oh. it really sucks that so many things that people learn about him are not his choice. 

andrew stopping himself from the spiraling thoughts, taking breaths and calling bee? amazing, wonderful, for once andrew is a good example to others

foxpile!!!

agh, andrew exposing himself to be close to neil, so good

”at the very least, if any hitmen tried to come in they’d trop all over the foxes lying there and wake everyone up” LOL

”he knew his own strength was largely in the physical - he’d walled off his emotions and shut down his mind long ago instead of learning better coping mechanisms. neil’s strength was in his head, in his fiery heart and acid tongue and fierce determination to live as much as he could in what little time he could gouge from the world” THIS IS AMAZING, the wording and everything, just so so wonderful

”hello, hello, you’re here, i was grieving you but you’re alive, hello, things haven’t changed so much, hello…” oh i love this

i like the checking that andrew does, i liked seeing how you describe his constant reassurance that what he’s doing is okay

”he was wanting and planning and… hoping” andrew :”)

your characterization of andrew is amazing to read, how you captured his the contrast between his thoughts and emotions that he hid with the reactions that he allowed through. did you find it challenging? i can imagine there must have been pressure because readers have seen some of these scenes from another perspective, so there’s not as much flexibility with his actions or the dialogue

your descriptions of everything were wonderful and reflected what i imagine andrew to be like. his rationalization behind his actions and how he reacted to fear after so long of repressing his emotions. i’m glad that this was one of the first fics i read for the fandom, being exposed to this high quality content definitely helped draw me in. thank you so much for writing this!

[afterpinkdiamond]

Alone Together S1E37

Stevonnie..

Stevonnie!

STEVONNIE!!!!

The episode starts with Steven taking dance lessons from the gems. They are trying to teach him the dance aspect of fusion and he’s very clearly struggling with syncing with the others. However, I think it's a cute detail that he’s best at dancing with Amethyst; even if they aren’t really following through with steps they are enjoying themselves and generally in the same mindset about dancing together. I didn’t get why Smoky Quartz was his first gem fusion but you can see where they started building up to it even in season 1. After several adorable failed attempts they all take a break from dancing and Pearl tells him after practice he may or may not be able to fuse in a couple of years. Amethyst tells him they all struggle with fusion to which Garnet replies that she doesn’t struggle with it, a nod to her being a near constant fusion. She insists that she thinks Steven will be great at fusion. 

Later that evening Steven and Connie are hanging out on the beach talking about fusion practice. Connie is super practical, asking if the gems would draw out the steps and Steven makes a pretty mature observation. He says that fusion is more than just dancing, that their gems glow and they phase into each other. He points out that fusion isn’t just dancing and I think it’s important because in the course of the series we will see plenty of fusions that come together without dance because what’s important is being in tune with the other person. I believe this is what makes fusion analogous to several types of relationships because while dance is intimate and requires synchronization, connecting with others happens in so many different contexts where intimacy is expressed in different forms. You kiss a lover, hug a sibling, or hold hands with a friend. Trying to do a sexualized dance with a mother figure or best friend is not going to get you much of anywhere, whereas with a partner, maybe all that’s needed is a forehead touch.  Connie admits to being anxious about dancing around other people because everyone is staring at you in large group settings. Steven asks why she doesn’t try to dance now since no one is staring while staring at her intently. When she declines, he gets up and starts a song on his phone then stands with an arm over his eyes asking her to dance with him. She smiles, accepts, and they dance together, just having fun. Steven trips and Connie catches him and after a moment...

STEVONNIE!!! 

They wake up, fused and confused. They can’t figure out how to talk about themselves for a second and it truely sounds like the fusion has two personalities having a conversation for a moment before Steven and Connie realize they’ve fused and want to show everyone. They head back to the beach house and the gem’s reactions are all over the spectrum. Pearl is very distressed and worried by the first ever gem-human fusion. You can almost see her question whether maybe Greg just didn’t time it right, if maybe he and Rose could have fused, taking away another thing that was special about her relationship with Rose. Amethyst is jazzed for the pair. and Garnet... Garnet is a portrait of joy and excitement. Pearl says they should unfuse immediately. Amethyst names them Stevonnie and asks how it feels. Stevonnie replies that it feels great. Pearl asks Garnet for back up and Garnet steps up to say her piece. She addresses Stevonnie and tells them that they are not two people, neither are they just one. They are an experience and it is up to them to make it good. She sends them off to enjoy the fusion and Stevonnie gladly does so. 

First, they go running along the cliffs above the temple, enjoying the feeling of running in conjunction. In many of the things Stevonnie does you can see two separate styles, such as in their run, in their laugh, in their styles of dancing as a fusion. They get to the top of the cliff and dive into the ocean, allowing themself to get washed up on shore. Their stomach rumbles so they go to get donuts and end up interrupting Lars and Sadie in the middle of a kinda creepy sounding argument. Lars and Sadie are both blushing and stammering, seeing Stevonnie absolutely sparkle with grace. When Stevonnie tries to pay, Sadie insists the donuts are on the house and Stevonnie takes them with a shrug, reminding the pair that giving out food for free isn’t a good business model. 

Stevonnie is excited about getting two donuts but quickly realizes they are just one body now.  Steven’s part asks Connie’s part if she’d rather unfuse at that point but Connie’s part refuses saying that it fine. They sit there eating one of the donuts when Sour Cream approaches Stevonnie. Stevonnie starts to address him before realizing he doesn’t know them as Stevonnie. Sour Cream then awkwardly invites them to a rave he’s dj-ing and they gladly accept the invite. They make their way to the old warehouse where many teens are dancing and chatting while Sour Cream plays chiptune music on old game controllers. Stevonnie takes to the floor, accidentally scaring off the other dancers with their sparkliness. It’s clear they are enjoying dancing until they notice that everyone else stopped.

Stevonnie starts to sink into an anxietal panic about fitting in with the other teens, getting enveloped in a giant disco ball and questioning why no one else is dancing. And into their panic steps... Kevin. Keven steps up and checks Stevonnie out in a way that is sickeningly creepy. He calls them “baby” and starts dancing at them. Stevonnie is confused and kinda disgusted, running off the dance floor. Steven and Connie’s parts have a discussion about feeling alone and wishing the other one was there because it would be okay then. Then what sounds like Steven’s part says they are together and its not okay. Kevin then approaches again, trying to pressure Stevonnie into dancing with him again. After refusing him and telling him to back off several times, Stevonnie gets fed up and agrees to dance with him, telling him off for calling them “baby”. They proceed to angry dance until the fusion falls apart and Kevin nopes outta there. Creep.

Connie is instantly relieved to be out of the fusion and starts laughing and dancing on her own. Steven joins her dancing while  everyone else just kinda questions what they just saw. The episode ends there with Sour Cream showering the two kids with glow sticks.

This episode is so great Steven finally gets a chance to be a “giant woman” (although Stevonnie goes by they/them, we can all agree they are coded female) and seems to exhibits many of the traits Pink/Rose were known for.  Stevonnie is unintentionally very persuasive as we see with Sadie and Lars at the Big Donut. They are also very graceful and adventurous. However, Stevonnie is a lot more trustworthy and can drive a car, so they win. It’s interesting to see Pearl’s reaction, as she is clearly not over Greg’s attempt to fuse with Rose. Garnet’s reaction is absolute gorgeous, highlighting just how important fusion is to her and how proud she must be after being so supportive of Steven trying to fuse. I made a theory post about it a while back, but I almost think that Steven existing as a gem/human hybrid, and being able to fuse with Connie is actually a hint at the Pink Diamond twist! Basically, because Diamonds are basically pressurized carbon crystals and organic life is carbon-based, it may have only been possible to make a hybrid or fusion between a diamond and a human. Quartz crystals are silicon based compounds and so a Rose Quartz may not even be able to hybridize or fuse with organic life. But that is strictly conjecture and I’m not even sure if the crewniverse intended that. 

[skate-catnada]

Ever since Yuzuru decided to do programs this season that were previously done by other skaters, I’ve been interested in comparing programs. It’s pretty cool to see how different skaters interpret the same piece of music, and there are plenty out there who choose from the same thing either because it’s a popular piece of classical music, it’s a popular more recent piece of music, or it’s something they’re paying tribute to (as in Yuzuru’s case.) 

This is also a challenge for me because despite enjoying looking for the differences in music, I’m not musically inclined at all. So all of this will be from the point of view of someone who doesn’t know music and only really sees things from a “how it makes me feel and what it looks like” standpoint, even if there are things I notice about the music. 

So the first two programs I decided to look at are Alina Zagitova’s and Mikhail Kolyada’s free programs from this season, both of which are set to “Carmen.” I don’t know much about Carmen, but from what I could find, it’s a love story where the main love interest is a woman named Carmen, and she gets murdered out of jealousy. So it’s interesting that Alina and Mikhail are doing the same program but from the opposite gender. 

For reference, here is Alina’s Carmen program from the Rostelecom Cup a few weeks ago, and here is Mikhail’s Carmen program from the Finlandia Trophy earlier in the season. And here is the Wikipedia page on Carmen in case you, like me, didn’t know much about it. 

The first thing I noticed are the costumes. Alina and Mikhail went for pretty much the same color scheme, and they actually compliment each other pretty well given that I’m sure neither of them coordinated this.  The lace is also a really nice touch. (Alina’s photo is from here and Mikhail’s from here.) 

The actual music seems like a different arrangement of the same section of music. Parts of Mikhail’s that occur in his program occur in different places in Alina’s, and the last part of Alina’s program doesn’t appear in Mikhail’s at all. 

It’s pretty obvious in the beginning and the end of Alina’s program, and in Alina’s skating in general, that her style is really well-timed to whatever music she’s skating. That works for her as long as she doesn’t lose her rhythm. If she does, then the whole thing is off. In this case. she’s really on it. 

They both end their programs with a step-sequence into a set of spins, although to different arrangements of music. Alina’s is more rhythmic and fast, while Mikhail’s is slower and somber. 

The step-sequence really illustrates how different their skating is. Alina has a lot of sharp movements, likely because they’re so dependent on timing that they have to be really noticeable to an audience and the judges to underscore how well-timed they are. Mikhail’s flow better, because it doesn’t seem like he’s as concerned with timing but rather with how the elements of the program come together. 

Their endings, although they end with the same component (spins), have different tones. Mikhail’s ends on a pretty somber, serious note. Alina’s ends on a very dramatic note with high violins that make it sound like someone just got betrayed or killed. I have no idea if that’s actually the case in the story, but it makes for a really good ending in the program. 

I have to admit that I’m not a fan of the music, but I find both of their programs interesting enough that it makes up for it. Often times, for me, if I don’t like the music, the way someone skates it can warm me up to it. Other times, the music goes a long way in engaging me with the program. 

It’s one of the first times I’ve noticed two skaters from the same country doing pretty much the same free skate in the same season, especially when they’re both prominent skaters in that country. So it’ll be fun to see how they both do with Carmen as the season goes on. 

Another pair of skaters from the same country have also decided on the same program for this season: Romain Ponsart and Kevin Aymoz, both from France. I will probably talk about them in my next post, because they skate to the same song in their short and free programs respectively, but unlike Carmen, the song is a recent piece of music (In This Shirt) and unlike Alina and Mikhail, they are both in the same discipline.