#having a bad time rn. dont know how to fix it. think i know what brought it on and hate that. will not avoid that in tbe future though.

[dark-lord-of-awesomeness]

dark lord im haunted

i dont even care about loz, WHY ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT RN IS YOUR GRAVITY FALS LOZ AU

i read the comments and the idea of stan and ford just. Infinitely reincarnating. One doomed to die and other to kill that one.

im feral about this FORD JUST HAVING TO KILL STAN AND THEN BE LEFT ALONE WITH NOTHING BUT A BODY TO HOLD. FIDDLEFORD WHY DID YOU LET THE RUMORS GO ON FOR SO LONG

and like there is no other way this couldve gone, because the way everything was, NO ONE wouldve helped stan. Ford will probably think about ways this couldve been solved in the 10 years but the thing is, no one woulve helped stanley

maybe if he had a support system, maybe then his death wouldve been avoidable. BUT LITERALLY EVERYONE HATED HIM, AND AS FAR AS HE KNEW SO DID THE FORDS (neither did anything about the rumors)

plus 10 years with bill, even as just a voice wouldve been shitty. and adding burn scars and public resentment? he basically was isolated

all of his card were laid out in front of him, and the only way for him to win in any capacity was just that, get killed by his own brother

AAAAAAAAAAAAA FERAL ABOUT THIS. BITTING, CLAWING, SCREAMING (affectionate)

Glad i could spread the worms!

In my mind, the reason the Fords didn't stop the rumors was a combination of being young and traumatized, trying to wrangle the kingdom together, and not knowing how bad it had gotten until Stan was back and they looked around to see the hatred in everyone's eyes. For Fiddleford he was pro Stan enough that nobles trying to curry his favor during the turbulent times would either not mention Stan, or would down play their own feelings so the King wouldn't catch on. So right up until Stan showed up again he knew there were rumors but thought they were just background, not serious grumblings and not what everyone thought actually happened. For Ford the kingdom was just a sound board for his own dark thoughts. He'd grumble about Stan, someone would grumble with him, and then Ford would feel like his feelings were being vindicated and go into grouchy rants about Stan which just fueled the fires, even if in Fords mind he was just venting. Fords not political enough (despite being raised in a castle) to realize what his words were doing to Stan's reputation, he was just bitter and was happy to have willing ears that agreed. Then he saw how Stan was received and on one hand felt it was deserved but he was also horrified by how violent the reaction was. Sort of 'saying things out of anger and not realizing the impact they have' kind of thing. Fiddleford didn't make an official announcement of what happened due to inexperience, trying to manage a kingdom that had just been through a crisis, and not realizing it was something that needed to be done, as he'd told people his side of the story unofficially and thought that was enough.

Here's this for you :)

Stan held his brothers sword to his chest, sure and steady. All his brother has to do is push it forwards, and everything will finally be fixed. Ford will finally do what Stan took from him, all those years ago.

There are two ways this story could go.

In one Ford stares deep into Stan's eyes, searching, looking for a sign that this was a trick, a sick prank. Some unfunny attempt at humor gone wrong.

All he sees is his brothers expecting gaze, waiting for him. Sees the yellow grow and creep, erasing the warm brown of their childhood away. Black making its way across Stan's face, and if he doesn't do something soon this moment will end. Billl will regain control, and he won't be as willing to let Ford drive his sword through his heart as Stan is.

Stan's asking him to do this. For the first time in ten years, Stan is asking Ford to be the hero, and its the worst thing Ford could ever do.

But its Stan. His brother, his twin.

His best friend.

The trembling stops as Ford closes his eyes. Water pools in the corners as he grits his teeth, adjusts his grip, and shoves the sword forwards with all the strength the goddess has blessed him with.

Stan doesn't even scream, just grunts as the sword goes through flesh, digs in deeper and deeper and Ford yells at the top of his lungs and drives a sword through his own brothers chest until he can't do it anymore. Not because of his grip or waning strength, but because he's driven the sword all the way through, and its hilt won't let him go further.

It's a killing blow, no way to have missed.

Ford let's go of the hilt and grabs Stan's collapsing form before he can topple to the ground. He's whispering something as the blackness fades and chips away, eyes brown and light in them fading. Ford guides his brother to the ground, one hand cupping his head and the other clutching his cloak as all signs if Bill disappeared, as the sword went from a demonic nightmare to glowing dull grey. It didn't regain the light of its blessings, and the pommels eye was closed instead of gone.

Fiddlefords master piece would never- could never be used as it was supposed to again. It was a vessel of evil, had been tainted by Bills touch.

Just like Stan.

Ford choked on his tears as he stared down at the still smiling face of his brother. A blow like this- straight through the heart, where Stan had guided it, it was- there was-

Stan was dead before Ford could find a breath to scream.

He could hear Fiddleford say something, but the ringing in his ears drowned out the words as a heaving sob worked its way out of him, face damp and whole body shaking. He couldn't lay Stan flat with the sword sticking out, so in one quick rage filled move he grabbed the hilt, slid it out, and threw it to the side.

"Stanley," Ford whispered, looking into his brothers eyes. No clever spark twinkled there, no mischievous glint or hardened glare.

Just brown. Brown and lifeless.

He didn't know how long he laid there, crouched over his brothers body. He gently closed Stan's eyes, then brushed away any lingering signs of corruption. The blackness was gone, his arms both human, and what teeth poked out of his still smiling mouth were flat.

Like this, it looked exactly as it should. A man grieving over his dead brother.

Eventually arms pulled him away, and he screamed and thrashed as Stan's body was covered and hidden behind a wall of bodies. Fiddleford's voice cut through the noise, and he turned to see his friend, standing tall and face stained with tears. His mouth was moving, but Ford couldn't make out the words.

All he could hear was his own heart, strong and beating like Stan's would never be again.

Time blurred and the world grayed. They laid Stan to rest back at their small home village, on the cliffs overlooking the sea. He had a distant memory of them coming here, long ago when the world made sense.

Stan would like it.

It wasn't long after that the whispers started. Ignorant folk, talking about how evil Stan must have been, how lucky they were no one was hurt.

How thankful they were that the Hero was there to deal with him so swiftly.

It only took Ford overhearing such talk once for them to learn never to speak of Stan in front of him. Not with such poison. Not with such disdain.

Stan was a hero after all.

Ford was just his brothers murderer.

As time went on and Fiddlefords announcement did little to sway public opinion, Ford found that he could no longer find it in him to care for the troubles of Hyrule. Its evil was vanquished, and every forest and town was filled with his brothers ghost.

He needed to leave. To find someplace where people wouldn't look at him with hope and pride. Find somewhere that needed a man who could wield a sword, could face the dangers ahead and never flinch.

So one night, a year after he'd killed the last Hero of Hyrule, he drove the Master Sword into its pedestal for the next Hero to find, turned around, and left, taking what was quickly becoming known as the Blade of Bill with him.

He said no goodbyes and left only a single note to the one person who really needed to know where he was going.

Stan would get lonely while he was away, but it was fine. They'd see each other again sooner or later.

Stanley Pines was born the younger twin of Stanford Pines, in an era of peace. They were as thick as thieves, running through the forests and fields of their home.

Life was perfect, except for the voice in the back of his mind that whispered at him to kill his brother.

Then they grew, and as they did Stanley found he knew things he shouldn't. Knew secrets others hid, knew monsters others hadn't seen.

Knew how to make them bend to his whims.

Knew he had to die.

Knew Stanford had to be the one to do it.

Stanley Pines was born the twin brother of Stanford Pines, and-

Stanley Pines was born the older twin of Stanford Pines and-

Stanley Pines was born the twin of Stanford Pines but-

They were separated-

They drifted apart-

They were pitied against each other-

-in the beachs, darting through the surf-

-over the dunes, feed sure in the sand-

-up and down the mountains, stumbling into each other by chance-

-and one day Stanley Pines realized he needed to die by his brothers hand, or he would unleash a demon that would ravage the land.

Stanley Pines stared once more at the blade in front of him. A screaming voice yelled at him to draw it from its red scabbard, to finally start what he'd been waiting to do since time began. It writhed and clawed for control, urging him to start the slaughter. Stanley shoved it away, picking the dusty blade up and attaching it to his belt.

Stanford wasn't ready to kill him after all. Stanley wouldn't draw the sword until he knew for sure his twin of a thousand lifetimes had the strength to push it through. It was risky grabbing it so soon in the cycle, but circumstances had lead him here, and he knew from experience leaving it behind once he found it always led to worse odds.

"Shut it why don't you," Stanley said, rolling his eyes at the twin screaming from Bill and the blade, "you act like we haven't done this a hundred times."

With that he turned and left the crumbling temple behind. He'd left a good trail for Stanford to follow, and he didn't want to get caught too early. Best to hold off until he'd planted more seeds of his betrayal, get the Hero's blood boiling. Stanford always had an easier time the longer Stanley waited to draw the blade after all.

This time would be no different.

In another Ford does not close his eyes, cannot look away from his brothers accepting face. Cannot stop himself from looking deeper and deeper, from trying to find some evidence that he doesn't have to do this.

Stan watches as Ford's eyes harden, and his smile grows. Its getting hard to focus, hard to hold back the tide of a demon's mind. But now Ford is ready, and this'll all have been worth it.

He's learned his lesson, he's ready to make amends.

Which means the moment Ford reaches forward to pry Stan's human hand off the Master Sword, Stan's smile twitches, and his control starts to slip.

"What- What're you doin'" Stan says, words slurring slightly and stuttering as Bill claws his way back towards the front of their mind, "Ford-"

"I won't." Ford snaps, voice clipped and eyes bright with the light of determination, "I won't kill my own brother. I'll find a way to save you Stanley, I'll rip Bill from your body if its the last thing I do. I'll-"

"We'll." Fiddleford cuts in, stepping forwards, eyes just as determined as Fords, "This is our fault. We shoulda never let this get as bad as it did. I'm sorry Stanley."

And thats the last thing Stan hears, As Bill tears him away and shoves him back. Their body jerks forwards, Ultra Master Sword swinging down where Ford was standing a moment before. His brother and the King have retreated slightly, and Ford is yelling, Hero's Spirit glowing brightly at the words, but Stan- He can't-

He can't hear what his brother's saying.

Stan feels the heavy weight of Bill crushing his mortal spirit, and Stan rages as much as he can. He forces their swings to go wild, slides their feet out of alignment, makes them lose their balance. If Bill thinks Stan was screaming before, then what he's doing now must be the commands of the greater spirits themselves.

It's one thing to let Ford kill him, its another horror entirely to see his body get used to kill his twin. This wasn't supposed to happen, Ford was supposed to drive the sword through, to use the rage Stan had been fanning since their reunion to power through and trample whatever bonds they might have had.

Bill was never supposed to have a chance.

Instead, due to Fords stubbornness, Stan was watching as Bill's corruption spread across his body. Saw glimpses of his transformed body when Bill turned to follow Ford's movement, saw his worn travelers clothes warp and change into the demons preferred black and yellow noble's apparel. Saw pitch black and gleaming pauldrons manifest on his shoulders in the corner of his eyes, sharp and engraved with demonic symbols. Matching greaves kicked at Fords rolling form when his brother got too close, and then Stan's other hand came to grip the Ultra Master Sword, clawed and black, golden lines flickering as Bill completed his takeover.

Ha! Bills voice rang out in their mind, even as he said something else, something taunting based on Fords expression, out loud, Thought you could pull one over on me did you!

BILL! Stan thought snarled, clawing and writhing at the demonic spirit crushing his own, I WON'T LET YOU-

Won't let me what, kill little Fordsy here? Bills laughter rang out in their shared mind, each cackle a stab as Stan's meager control was wrenched out of his nonexistent hands, I'd like to see you try and stop me. Now shoo, your screaming is only entertaining for so long.

The weight of Bill's spirit became unbearable, and Stan yelled out for Ford, his brother's determined face the last thing he saw before the world went dark.

He wasn't asleep, not with the way he was aware of himself. There was a distant feeling of sensation, sounds muffled and far away, flashes of scenes come and gone too fast to make sense of. At one point he was struck with the knowledge that his hand was wrapped around something delicate, and he used what little power he had to loosen his fingers and drop whatever they were holding.

The burning rage that filled Bill was a triumph, even as the demon pushed Stan further into wherever he was. Something sharp and not there dug into his not thereness, like the demon was grabbing his spirit and digging his claws in. It made Stan writhe as much as he could, and he was pretty sure he'd scream if he had a mouth or thoughts to fling at the demon.

Maybe he was. He didn't know.

What he did know was that Bill couldn't crush him. Or wouldn't. He didn't know why, but every time he came close to feeling like he was going to crumble to pieces the demon would ease his crushing grip. Maybe Bill needed his spirit to control his body? Or the magic that had sealed Bill's mind inside his own had linked them in some way Bill couldn't kill Stan without killing himself. Maybe the demon just like torturing him.

Whatever the reason, it meant Stan was sort of alive in the dark not thereness. Any attempts at clawing his way out was brushed aside, any screams he might have made unheard.

There was no way to know what was happening outside. No way to know if Bill had-

No. Ford was a hero. Ford was The Hero. There was no way Bill could have killed him. Ford was out there, and someone would smack some sense into him eventually. Any moment Stan would feel the Master Sword through the chest, and then...

Wait. If he died, would he still be stuck here? Deep in what he suspected might be Bills overwhelming spirit? That sounded awful actually. Everything was dark and flickered yellow, there was a constant feeling of being watched, and the squished feeling wasn't any kind of pleasant.

What was even less pleasant was the sharp pain to their shoulder. It was the first time he'd felt his body so clearly in... months. Maybe.

However long it had been, the pain radiated through the darkness, and Stan sort of not really saw a warm glow cut through the blackness around him. It soothed the ache to his spirit, even as it really, really, hurt his actual body.

Another sharp pain hit his side, and a few minutes later it his his leg.

Then Stan was hit with agony, as Bill's grip on his spirit disappeared. The heavy feeling that had wrapped around him and shoved him deep into the dark was gone, no longer there to block off the feeling from their body.

Bill was growling something, and their chest and limbs throbbed, not just from the sharp warm points of pain, but from several other cuts and injuries. It took Stan a second to orientate himself, so used to the nothingness, but eventually he realized they were no longer in the plains surrounding the castle.

They were in some kind of grand temple, one Stan was amazed to find he didn't recognize. An image of some kind of pink lizard was on several glass stained windows, casting pink and blue light into the large room. The pews were flung into the walls, the giant doors across him shut and sealed with green and blue light.

In front of him was Ford, wearing the stupid Hero outfit Stan had spent their whole lives laughing at. He was covered in dirt and sweat, and that determined look hadn't left his eyes. Behind him, reloading his crossbow, was Fiddleford.

Stan watched, dazed as Bill exchanged blows with Ford, then felt another sharp pain hit his left arm.

He snapped his head down to see a blue, red, and gold glowing bolt sticking out of his bicep, then looked over at Fiddleford in shock.

"You just shot me!" Stan shouted, confused and trying not to collapse from the agony spreading through him, "Why did you shot me?!"

The realization that he just moved and spoke hit him just as Bill snatched control back once more. The demon screamed and swung again, but all Stan could see was Fords face.

It looked triumphant .

"Its working!" His brother shouted, dodging a swing and slashing at Stan's right arm, where he was holding the Ultra Master Sword, "Keep shooting FIddleford!"

NO?! Stan though shouted, DON'T?! JUST STAB ME ALREADY!

Another bolt hit his other leg, and Stan cursed and slammed the Ultra Master Sword into the ground so he wouldn't fall over.

"What is this?!" Stan yelled, looking up to glare at the excited faces of his brother and king, "What even is the plan here! Can't you just-"

"SHUT UP!" Bill finished, standing up and pulling the sword out of the floor. Stan hissed at the demon for interrupting him, then froze as he caught sight of his arm, where the bolt was still lodged.

A glowing light was spreading out from the bolt, turning Bill's yellow sleeve back into Stan's red one. They made a mad swing at Fords head, and Stan forced them to stumble and glance down at their legs.

Just like his arm, light was radiating from where each bolt had hit him, pushing the corruption back and bringing the feeling of control with it.

"What is wrong with you!" Stan yelled as Bill swung the sword at Fords neck, then tried to shoot a bolt of magic at Fiddleford with their sword. Stan smacked it with their other hand, disrupting the spell and wincing at the screech that rattled their mind.

"A bolt!" Stan continued, after Bill parried a blow from Ford and side stepped another bolt, "A Bolt?! Why couldn't it have been anything else! This hurts!"

"SHUTUPSHUTUP!" Bill screeched, and Stan stuck a spirit tongue at him when the demon tried to squish him down again and he bobbed away. The overwhelming power of his spirit was being pushed back with each wave of warm magic that made Stan want to scream.

"We didn't have a lot of options Stanley!" Ford shouted, rolling away from a swing and doing some kind of weird spin move that hit Stan's-

"Is that another arm!?" Stan screamed, staring at the demonic monster arm that looked like it was growing from his back. Ford slashed at it again, and the entire thing exploded, leaving nothing behind.

Thank the goddess. He wasn't sure he wasn't to figure out how to use extra-

Wait no.

"Just stab me already!" Stan yelled, trying to jerk his swings wide and mess up Bill's dodges, "Why are you dragging this out!?"

"I'm not-" Ford grunted as he rolled (and seriously, what was with all the rolling?), "-Not dragging this out!"

"We're going to save you Stanley!" Fiddleford shouted, and Stan screamed as another bolt embedded itself into his right shoulder. The bolts seemed to pulse together as one, sending a wave of comfort through his spirit while it ripped his body to shreds. The contrasting feeling made him want to throw up.

Then Bill was torn from his mind, leaving a gaping void behind. Stan gasped at the feeling, his mind too empty and silent after ten years of constant chatter.

"NO!"

The Ultra Master Sword screamed, and Stan screamed with it as Bill tried to claw his way back inside. He blinked down to see his arm, still demonic and the pommel eye staring at him, full of rage and hunger.

"This is my body now!" Bill screamed, dragging himself up Stan's arm, "You had your chance, and now-"

"I'm sorry Stanley," Ford said softly, just as the Master Sword flashed in front of him, blocking Stan's view of Bill as it separated his arm from his body.

If the bolts had been agony, tearing him to pieces as it pried Bill's spirit from his own, this was excruciating. He barely paid any attention to Ford slamming his sword through Stan's former arm, too focused on the space where it once been attached to him. Blood was already flowing from the wound, soaking his side and creating a puddle on the floor.

Between one blink and the next he was on the ground. Fiddleford was holding his face with one hand while the other held down his- where his-

It hurt.

Searing pain on top of everything else, worse than the feeling of a demon digging his claws into his spirit. No part of him was free of pain, each bolt still a blazing beacon, each scrape stinging, and the- the- his arm- it-

This time the darkness wasn't the result of a demon, and Stan welcomed it as Ford's panicked face came into view.

It was very cold, and- and-

The ceiling was very blurry and fancy. Too fancy. Stan stared at it for a while, before he remembered he wasn't supposed to be staring at anything.

Everything felt fuzzy and far away, hazy like... like...

But Bill was gone, leaving nothing but the nothingness where the demon had carved a space in Stan's mind for himself. He poked at the spot the demon used to occupy, and shuddered at the feeling of loss.

He exhaled slowly as he looked around the room.

It was his room. His old one, the one he'd lived in a lifetime ago. His tapestries were still hanging on the walls, depicting various historical battles, while his drawings and doodles filled the spaces in between. Someone had cleaned up his surprise clothes pile, and a part of him ached at the loss of mystery. Never knew if he'd grab something clean or stained, and now it was gone, tidied away.

There were a few other things that had changed. Someone had replaced the curtains (understandable, they'd been yellow before), had added a weapons rack and armor stand (the armor looked much better than it had in years, and the sword on the rack was a plain guardsman's), and finally a few chairs were next to his bed.

Ford was sitting in one, arms crossed and head back as he snored. Judging by the light spilling in through the window it was probably early morning. Nerd probably fell asleep sitting there.

Weirdo.

"Time to blow this joint." Stan mumbled, forcing himself to sit up. The world went in and out of focus a few times, so he stared at the far wall until it stopped. Getting the blanket off was another battle, one arm clumsy and the other-

Stan stared at the stump, wrapped in crisp white bandages, perplexed. Any attempts at moving his arm sent prickles of pain up his shoulder, and no arm materialized to help him.

Hmm.

"Ford," Stan said, turning to pull at Fords shirt, "Ford."

Ford awoke with a shout at Stan's touch, and he watched as his brother fell out of the chair and slammed into the ground. Ford shot to his feet a second later, eyes wild and on edge, before meeting Stan's own and freezing.

"Ford," Stan said again pointing at his missing arm, "Ford, my arms gone? Where- have you seen it?"

The expression of Fords face went funky, before landing on some kind of sad.

"Stanley," Ford said, stepping forwards to sit on the edge of the bed, "you're... you're awake."

"Arm." Stan said sadly, and he reached forwards to grab Fords sleeve, "m'arm."

"Yes," Ford grabbed Stan's hand, holding it in his own, "I had- I'm sorry Stanley. We were out of bolts, and I- I couldn't."

Stan blinked at Fords crumpling expression. After a moment he nodded, and Ford slumped, pressing Stan's fingers to his forehead. The grip wasn't tight, and Ford let go when Stan tugged.

What was tight was Ford's grip on Stan's shirt when he tried to get up.

"Stanley!" Ford yelled, pulling him back into the bed, "What are you doing?! You need to rest!"

"I needa... gotta go." Stan mumbled back, trying to wiggle out of his shirt, before flopping down and turning to face his brothers' newest funky face, "Gotta- s'was somthin' I have to do."

"What, what is it, I can-"

"Gotta get stabbed." Stan said eyes wandering over to the sword. It wasn't the right one, but maybe it'd do now that Bill was gone, "Gotta- there was- yeah."

He'd get stabbed, then everything would be better. Fords newest funny face tickled the back of his mind. It looked maybe bad, maybe sad.

"Don't be sbad." Stan said, patting his brothers face, "Gonna hero s'mthigyea?"

Ford pulled his hand down with a sigh, "Stanley, I know you're still recovering and probably won't remember this, but I need you to know."

With that he let go of Stan's hand and leaned forwards, twelve finger's cupping his face. Stan wanted to melt into the feeling, but Fords mean eyes helped him focus.

"I'm not going to stab you, and if you do something like this again? I'll tell Fiddleford to add barbs to the bolts."

"Jerks."

"We were short on time, we didn't-"

"Mean to me."

"The situation was-"

Stan didn't catch the rest. The twelve fingers were pressing into his skin, each firm and tingly on his skin. One of them was rubbing his temple, and it was the nicest thing he'd ever felt. The darkness was like a blanket, gently tugging at him and pulling him far, far away.

[ifyourereadingthisblinktwice]

i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it

[stellardeer]

i have to come to terms with the fact that I am actually well off for someone in this country now, like.. idk it's weird

i'm still living the exact same lifestyle that i was before, so for the most part it feels almost like nothing has changed, like maybe im spending a little bit more money on food and buying the "good" toilet paper, but all that does is allow me to actually have savings in my bank account

i still stand with the working class and impoverished people of this country, and I am very much still in the boat of "one [very] bad day from homelessness" so i am not taking this for granted whatsoever

i've just been watching some of those youtube channels where they interview random people all over the country and just like.. kinda show what their life is like and it's definitely putting mine in perspective

very very grateful for the opportunities i have had and very proud of myself for forcing myself to stay in college (even tho it took almost 10 years to finish and left me with a mountain of debt) and just like.. idk, i feel like i could be doing more to help people out, i can't wait til im out of debt ;o;

[gunpowder-tim]

.

[c0rpseattack]

houhhh.

[jude5bellingham]

crawling back to you ☆ j.bellingham5

pairing: Jude Bellingham x singer!reader

summary: you love your boyfriend sooooo much and he loves you just as much.

notes: i have been looping hozier’s cover of do i wanna know and i had to make this thank you + this is my first work back and im doing this on my phone... hope you guys enjoy :)

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jobebellingham great song (jude is crying)

yourusername comfort him ☹️

judebellingham oh so you hate hate me

yourusername ????

judebellingham come do it yourself

jobebellingham can you not flirt in my replies pls

yourusername hey man, i'm innocent...

jobebellingham jude...

judebellingham SO YOU BOTH HATE ME

user19 SONG OF THE FUCKING YEAR

user20 CRAWLING BACK TO YOUUUU.....

user21 DO YOU EVER THINK OF CALLING WHEN YOUVE HAD A FEWWWWWWWW

user22 CAUSE I ALWAYS DOOOOOOO

user23 omg the captions of her jude posts have been clues 🧎🧎🧎

user24 she's literally the best

PODCAST INTERVIEW SNIPPET || ▶︎

host: i just want to start by congratulating you on your new song, i've had it on repeat since it came out!

yn: thank you so much, i'm so glad!

host: everyone who knows you knows about your boyfriend, jude, would you say this song is about him? or is this an older song dug out of the archives?

yn: oh this song is very much about jude (chuckles). honestly, i don't think any of my songs aren't about jude.

host: i'm sure he's giddy knowing that, a lot of people were wondering if it was an accurate portrayal of your relationship? if that sense of insecurity that is displayed in the song is real?

yn: hmm... (laughs) i don't know why i'm even thinking about it! jude gives me no reason to be insecure but at the same time i still feel it a little bit.

host: and that is?

yn: the insecurity, i'm always stuck between wanting everyone to see him the way i see him versus me being the only one to see him the way i do. i'm a little selfish, i'm not sure if it comes across properly in my songs, but sometimes i hope that i take up space in his mind the way he does in mine.

host: does it help? writing the insecurity into the song?

yn: honestly, i'm not sure. i actually didn't run this song by his ears before performing it, fingers crossed, he doesn't think i'm crazy and obsessed with him.

host: i think the whole world knows how obsessed you are with him, every post you have dropped since being together has included him.

yn: busted! i just can't help but take so many pictures of him... it's like i have to prove that this is all real.

host: it's honestly quite sweet, you're clearly always thinking about him and he posts about you just as much. i'm sure the feeling goes both ways.

yn: (laughs) veryy funny. hopefully it does.

judebellingham

liked by yourusername, jobebellingham, and 3M others

judebellingham maybe i'm too busy being yours

view all comments

yourusername let's get married

yourusername sign the contract big boyyy

judebellingham ...

yourusername i think i want to put a baby in you idk

judebellingham WHAT

jobebellingham i think it's meant to be the other way but i'm not too sure

yourusername oh trust that i'm getting your brother pregnant jobe.

judebellingham I AM NOT GETTING PREGNANT.

camavinga mr romantic shed a tear hearing the song btw yourusername

yourusername thank you for telling me this. getting him pregnant fs.

judebellingham STOP THIS

user25 yn so real cause i would also get a man pregnant if he wrote that note about me

user26 yeahhhh like if someone wrote this about me... someone is getting pregnant and it aint me

judebellingham she's going to read these comments and think that she's normal

yourusername you know me so well...

user27 her reaction to that note is completely justified idk what jude is going on about

[binniesbooks]

ahh hi my fayebae(idk is this cute?if its not I can think of another one)

anyways i thought real hard and long for this(while eating ice cream since its so hot here rn) but here's my idea!! gyu and reader are school rivals of a certain sport(u can choose the sport), let's just say boys and girls are both on the team!

they are pretty popular/well known (cos it looks like one wrong move and they would rip each other throat's out) but also cos they are both captains of their own school team!

but what others don't know, is that the whole tension and rivalry that they put on, is just an act. behind close doors well, one can say they are more than friends 🤭 seeing that after every game. they are both nowhere in sight.

(honestly dont mind switch between gyu and reader?? but u can choose who would take the lead n such idm!!) like it'll be hawt ughhh please ofc include smut!!(gyu eating out reader if possible I'm on my knees😳n anything else that is pleasurable for both of them heheh) everything else is up to u!!🤍

idk if this is any good cos this is like my 2nd ask of a fic to anyone T-T I rlly hope this inspires u <3

• LOCKED AND LOADED

BG 001 .F23 2024

wc 3.8k

pairing rival(?)!beomgyu x fem!reader

warning cursing, unprotected sex, oral sex, cum playing, dangerous activity(gun holding) (tell me if I missed anything)

faye's note dedicated to my one and only dearest Beomgyu's kitten, @babymochibeargyu here you goooo! I'm sorry for the delay, I feel bad omg. But here's a little TMI, I rewatched one of TODO episodes for this kkkkk! Plus I did my own research tooooo! But, okay, I know there's no Olympics likes this but just imagine. Omg. Kkkkk bye!

Btw, I feel like I'm being surrounded with bamtoris 😋 ❤️

2024 Campus Olympics

"And...they're out!" The crowd roared from cheers and disappointment coming from the bleachers as the big screen showed the "GAME OVER" sign.

"We have our semi-finalist! Ladies and gentlemen! ELITE EAGLES!" The crowd roared once again at the announcer's statement. You heard the deafening sound as you and your teammates stepped out from the range. The air was thick with competition and excitement.

This sport has been ongoing for years now. The sport that requires skill, accuracy, precision, and speed, is a shooting game. However, the guns used in this competition are nerfed, to lessen the power and accidents that may happen. You and Beomgyu's school had been the biggest rivals in this sport. Making it the spotlight and main event of the Camp Olympics.

"Now! Who will be our champion of the year?! Will it be the ELITE EAGLES?" the crowd cheered again, "Or our defending champions, the ALPHAS!" The crowd grew louder, you glanced at the other side of the entrance of the range. And there he was, standing all proud with a smirk plastered on his face, it was no other than your only rival, Beomgyu.

You clutched at the nerfed gun you were holding as your teammate were fixing their protective vests and head gears.

"This will be the game of the century for both of these teams! For the past 2 years, they have scored 1-1 so far, who will conquer this time?" The commentator announced. You could practically feel the stretch of the veins in their neck with the way they shouted.

It's been two years since you joined this sport, you were still a sophomore at that time. And this time, it was your last and final year to play, craving for the victor's crown. Beomgyu had been your rival from the start, making it his last and final year to play too.

Beomgyu turned his gaze towards yours, grinning at how you were practically boring holes in his head. As you line up in front facing each other's team, the fiery stare and sharp remarks on the field had all the students buzzing, and it seemed like a single misstep would ignite a full-blown feud.

"Go Eagles, we soar, we flight! United and bold, in the heart of fight!"

"Who's got the power, the strength, the drive? We are the Alphas, we thrive, we thrive!"

The cheer squad from both teams were doing their best to boost their player's determination. Showing off their respected school representative animals from banners to mascots, cheers to flaglets. The rivalry, driven by pride and competition, garners attention from everyone as both teams relish in the spotlight. The tension is palpable, with the upcoming round heightened by mutual taunts and challenging glances, fueling their status as competitors.

"Players! Lock and Load!" the rumbling sound of cheers and shouts envelops the field.

2022 Campus Olympics

"Y/n, you should definitely join, I swear it will be worth it." Yeonjun, your president of the photography club recommended joining the Lock and Load sports club. He used to be the team captain but since he and the members were about to graduate, he needed to keep the club alive. Persuading you to join and be the captain of the team.

"Jjun," his face crumpled at the name, "I really can't do that, prez. Look, I'm already in this photography club, I can't manage my time. " You sighed.

"Says the one who can stay up all night to watch her favorite movies but can't even accept her president's slash friend's request." He yapped and yawned.

"Fine!" You stomped your feet, "If you were not just my president and one of my dearest friends, I wouldn't have considered your request at all!" You crossed your arms, pouting as you hear his light laughs envelope the room

"We have a new champion! Ladies and gentlemen! Elite Eagles!" Your crowd cheered on you. This annual event is a big event for your schools. And you felt the proud look from the participants of your school. Being the champion in this sport was a normal occurrence especially when Yeonjun was still the captain. So as you turned to him, his smile was the brightest you had ever seen.

As you turn to the other side, you see your opponent's team. You can't see any disappointment in their eyes, but their aura practically screams revenge. Their team captain caught your eye. He's tall and looked like he had a pleasing personality the way he was talking to his teammates. Well, that's what you can see.

As your two teams gathered up in front for a handshake to show sportsmanship, you hesitated at the way he was smiling at you. You raised your hand to shake his, but you feel strange.

"Congratulations." The word rolled out of his mouth so smooth and sweet yet full of threat. Your skin crawled at how cold his palm was. You immediately pulled back your hand as you felt an electric sensation radiating off of him through you. A palpable tension between you ignited when both of your eyes met, frowning faces as if about to kill each other. -- That's when everybody knew, you would be the biggest rivals of this sport.

"I told you, you can do it!" Yeonjun said as he ruffled your hair while walking with your team. "All of you, you did well too, I knew you could do it." Greeting the group made them cheer and thank Yeonjun, for the support he gave and the persuasion he did.

"Are you coming?" One of your teammates shouted outside asking you if you would go with them to celebrate, but you're still not finished taking a bath to remove the sweaty scent that makes you feel icky. "I will! But go ahead, I'll catch up later." You confirmed. You heard the door closed. It was really good to have such a facility that caters for your annual school events. The big field could accommodate all of the participating schools for the event, and the participants' team themselves had their own rooms to stay in. You were more than happy, you got to experience using these athlete's rooms plus you even won the championship of Lock and Load.

You were about to leave when you stopped in your tracks as you saw someone standing leaning on the wall in the hallway. He's wearing your opponent's uniform.

"Hey there. Come with me for a while."

2023 Campus Olympics

"They're three points left behind with 2 minutes remaining! Will Alphas catch up or will they be the ones to win the championship?" The roaring crowd ignites the desperation of both teams to win.

With a ten-point difference, Alphas won the game. The victory wasn't supposed to be theirs but their captain changed plans last minute. The prideful face of Beomgyu shined bright as he walked out of the range. His grin grew wider when you were in his sight. You couldn't help but roll your eyes and turn your back to him. This rivalry between the two schools will get bigger, given the fact that you two will be playing your last games next year. The score tied at 1-1, the next annual event will be the tiebreaker.

"It's fine really. We do lose too, even before." Despite being a graduate student, Yeonjun still gives his full support to the Elite Eagles' Lock and Load team, patronizing them, especially at this event, he is also the acting coach of the team as of now. Besides, he was the reason why your school has its own team for the Lock and Load sport. He tried to cheer you up, tapping every slumped shoulder of every player.

You forced a smile at him, trying your best not to look too bad. "I have an idea. I'll buy tonight's dinner for you guys. I can't look at your droopy faces." He volunteered, gathering some "Coach, you don't have to" and "Hyung, you don't have to" as answers. "No, I insist."

When your fellow players got up to head to the accommodation room, you stayed behind at one of the benches for players near the range. Yeonjun sat beside you. "Don't be so disheartened. You know, there's still one more year for you. I know you'll make it." He ruffled your hair, giving you a bottle of energy drink.

"Replenish your energy. Then come over to the team dinner." Maybe Yeonjun felt that your silence had screamed that you wanted to be alone for a while. He put his hand in his pocket as he walked away.

"Come out. I know you're there." The same person from the opponent's team, leaning on the post not too far from where you are sitting, is hidden away from eyes that can see both of you.

Present

Your team ran through the course, earning points at each shot. For the past years, you have Beomgyu as an opponent, you could say that you can read his plans and movements. Allowing you to move and think faster than him. His teammates were quick, but you and your teammates trained yourself to be wary and not let your guard down.

"This is an interesting and intense game of the century!" You almost scoffed at the figures of speech the announcers had been using in their comments.

"Shit, that was a close call!" You muttered as you hid yourself on a stack of sacks, you were almost hit by his teammate. "Attention eagles! I can see their position from here. E7, proceed under the truck, someone's behind the wall. E5, someone just ran near your position. E6, remain seated, they might see you. Others, stick to the plan, be careful!" You quietly talked to your teammates as you distributed their tasks.

All 8 members of each team can earn points as much as they can, each shot is equivalent to a certain point depending on what part of the body the bullet hits. The suit and protective vests that the player wore had built-in sensors, that whenever an opponent’s bullets hits it, it would automatically count as a point.

It's almost the end of the round, and with 9 minutes remaining, the score was 88-67 with your team at the lower end. You're frustrated-- Beomgyu irks you so much. With 8 minutes remaining, you kept on shooting at any opponent that came your way. You did not camp anymore. Moving from one place to another. 7 minutes remaining, the crowd became louder. Your mind is blurry to think of a strategy. 6 minutes remaining, your teammates are trying to reach you but to no avail. 5 minutes remaining, you don't have much time left, you can't just remain still. 4 minutes remained, and you dashed to the opponent's base aiming for their captain, receiving a few glancing blows in the process. 3 minutes remaining, you covered yourself near the metal wall. 2 minutes remaining, the score ascended to 112-103, but still, your team was at the lower end.

The firing from others has ceased, probably killing the 2 minutes remaining to save energy and steady the scores. You roamed your eyes through the opponent's base. No captain in sight. "Shit, am I too late?" You muttered, slowly walking to search for him. You were about to step out of their base when you heard someone.

"Hands behind your head." The voice commanded. Fucking hell, you're doomed.

....

Both teams step out of the range with loud cheers from the crowd.

"We almost did it. We were so close."

"Man, that was close."

"This is my last year already."

Clear disappointment, was what you heard.

"Ladies and gentlemen! The game of the century has now officially ended! Our champion! No other than..." Your ears practically ring with the announcer's shouting voice.

"ELITE EAGLES!" Your team cheered as much as the crowd did, jumping and shouting their lungs out.

You turn to Beomgyu, one of his hands in his pocket, and the other still holding the gun. He smiled at you, mouthing a 'congratulations'. You nodded before you were called to line up and shake each other's hands.

"The annual Campus Olympics has officially ended. This is your official commentator of the year's event, Kim Jun-soo, signing off."

"Woah! How did you do it, captain? I thought we were going to lose!" Your teammates were overjoyed, but still not over the fact that you won.

"See? I told you, you can do it. And look you actually did!" Yeonjun placed his cap on your head. "Nice job, team captain."

"I..thank you." You were out of words -- no, you were out of this world actually.

"Hey, dinner is on--"

"Coach, the organizers gave me a stub. Dinners are on them for both teams." Yeonjun was cut off by one of your teammates.

Hearing the free dinner, Yeonjun cheered with your teammates. Free dinner = not a single cent to be spent.

"See you later then, rest for now, we still have plenty of time," Yeonjun announced.

...

"Hey move over, the seat is empty." Bickering can be heard from the next table in the restaurant reserved for the players. Yeonjun sighs, for three consecutive years, you haven't attended the team dinner. You are, again, not in sight.

"By any chance, have you seen Captain?"

"Oh yeah, Beomgyu is not here again. I wonder why the seat's empty."

"How many years has it been? 2?"

"Three years. He did not attend any single team dinner at all."

"Forget it, eat to your heart's content. He might not just wanna attend."

Yeonjun's head snapped at what he had just heard. Alphas and Elite Eagles have been rivals for so long. You and the other team's captain have been rivals for three years. And neither of you has attended team dinners for three consecutive years too. Was something going on? Or was he just overthinking it?

"Gyu... Beomgyu..." You whined.

"Shhh, stay still." He whispered.

"Ahh... Beomgyu..." his name rolling off your tongue so sweet it makes him feel tingly.

Your grip on his hair tightens a little bit, "More... I want more..." Your words are shaky and needy.

Beomgyu held your thighs to keep them steady, lapping at your sweet wetness. "Why are you so needy right now?" He asked sucking at your clit. Your back arched at his action. "I...I want more, please... I want you." He pulled back a little bit, just a few inches away from your dripping cunt. His hot puffs of breath make you shiver and whine for me. "N-no teasing..." Your legs felt weak. Shaking. Trembling. "But I love you being so needy, captain. I like seeing you squirm under me." Your hand clasped your mouth, refraining from moaning, the term captain gives butterflies to your stomach.

"Captain, just so you know, I love how you moan my name, I love how you make that face when you cum. I love it when you whine and whimper." His eyes are fixed on you while he's kissing your inner thighs. He watches the rising and falling motion of your exposed chest.

"Now, say my name again, will you?" He uttered, getting ready to dive in you again.

His hot and slippery tongue licked a stripe on your cunt, making your back arch once again as you gripped tightly on his sheets. "Beomgyu... Cap..captain Gyu.." you yelped, "I'm gonna cum.. please.." he likes this so much. He likes it when you beg for him to take care of you.

"Let it out, captain." He smirked as he continued tongue fucking you. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, you quivered as you reached your high. Beomgyu's bed was a total mess, from your thrashing, from your sweat, from your squirming.

"This never changed, you always taste good, captain. Ever since we were young." He grasped your waist to pull you closer, sucking your remaining cum from the intense orgasm he gave you. He sat down on the edge of the bed, just to rest for a while, but he did not expect what you were about to do.

You crawled down on him, between his legs. You look up at him as you lay your cheek on one of his thighs. He smirked at your quirks. He grabbed a gun from his table drawer. Pointing it on your temple. Your eyes flutter at him as he smiles sweetly at you. "Do it for me, yeah,?" He motions at his belt. Beomgyu owns a licensed gun, it was your gift when you two just turned 18. Probably the reason why he joined lock and load.

You carefully unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants agonizingly slow. The cold muzzle kissing your sweaty temple. You were still staring at him, he was biting his lips, abs clenching at the sight. You pumped him a few times causing him to groan at your work.

"Careful, Captain. Fuck." One hand still holding the gun pointed at you, another gripping at the sheets.

You spit on his cock, a makeshift lube, as you bobbed your head carefully. His breath was shaky and hot. Lips were now red at how he occasionally bit them from the sensation.

Your tongue prodded at his tip, trying to lick his slit.

"Ahh, fucking shit, y/n.." His hips were thrusting up to your mouth.

"Do it again. Fuck, do that again." He commanded when you stop licking his slit. One more move and he will fall from the bed.

You took him whole --that's when he lost it, he holds your head with both of his hands, still clutching onto the gun.

He was fucking your throat, your gag reflex kicking in, "Shit, god damn it y/n, I'm sorry!" Despite the apology, his movement did not stop one bit, if anything, he even moved a bit rougher.

"C-can I cum in your m-mouth?" His words fumbling, the muscles of his legs tensing. "P-please tell me if I can. I-i'm... Shit. Ahh! I'm close.." he stammered.

You hummed, causing him to lose himself at the resonance. His cock throbbed inside your mouth as white spurts of cum painted your mouth.

He quickly tossed the gun on his bed as he pulled you up to straddle him. One hand resting on your hand, the other on your chin. "Open your mouth." You opened your mouth, very carefully, not wanting to spill his milk. He pressed his thumb on your tongue, playing with his cum, as he let it spill out, trailing down to his hand.

"You always make me horny." He licked his thumb before pulling you to a fervent kiss. You started grinding on him as he kissed you with so much longing. He easily slipped inside of you with your slick still dripping on your thighs, causing you to gasp allowing him to fuck your throat with his tongue. You started to roll your hips in a circular motion causing him to curse. "Are we doing it raw again, captain?" You asked, but he dodged your answer with another question.

"Captain, I-I just came. How could you?" He wrapped his arms around your waist. You stilled before pulling away, "The stunt you pulled is dangerous," you pouted, "What if you suddenly killed me? I bought that for you as a souvenir when I went to the States. I did not expect it to be used against me." You crossed your arms. He planted a sweet kiss on your lips, "Rule number 2, firearms should be unloaded when not actually in use," he shrugged, "The magazine ain't intact." He added.

Your mouth gaped, you were dumbfounded, all this time your heart had been racing thinking about the danger that might actually happen. But in fact, it was actually unloaded.

"Damn you! I was scared to death! I thought --"

"You thought? You thought what?" He cuts you off when he starts thrusting, stretching you out. You hid your face in the crook of his neck.

"Wow, that's cheating, making an excuse to moan on my ears." His moves were unchanging, deeply thrusting in your sloppy cunt.

You can't help yourself but moan, not when he's gripping your waist to push his girthy cock deeper on you.

"Captain... Captain, you're hitting the right s-spots..." You moaned as you stayed glued to his sweaty body.

"I-i'll pull out. I'll pull out c-captain." His words stuttered as his moves also stuttered.

"Don't, please Gyu. I want you to cum inside, I'm on the pill." You buried your face more in his neck, embarrassed hearing yourself begging him to cum in you.

"How can I say no when you're c-clenching on my c-cock. Shit, I'm close." He huffed. You clenched more, you want him so much. You're desperate to feel his warm cum filling you up.

"C-captain, c-can I rub my..." You're too shy to finish your sentence, but he pulled the words out of your mouth when he started moving his fingers on your clit in a circular motion."Captain! Captain, fuck! Oh god!" You were both ecstatic rushing to chase your highs.

He restrained your hands behind your back as he started moving harder, abusing your stretched cunt. You moved closer to him, to his ears, moaning at it purposely, pushing him to the edge as he spilled inside you.

He continued fucking you and rubbing your clit despite the fact he had reached his own orgasm, overstimulating himself. "Fuck it fucking h-hurts! Fucking hell!" You can't hear any words from him other than his resounding curses until you are squirting on him. He was chasing his breath as he laid his forehead on your shoulder.

"I love this so much... I love you... You're so hot squirting on my cock.. sexy." He muttered. You pulled him into a hug, slight movements causing the both of you to wince. I love you too, Captain.." You whispered.

All you can hear in the room is the ticking of the clock, the thumping of your chest, and the heavy pants and breaths coming from both of you.

"Why did you do it, Gyu?" You look at him, eyes searching for answers. He just smiled.

"Hands behind your head." It was Beomgyu. You're doomed.

"Hello there, Miss Captain." He clicks his tongue as he stares at you. "You really wanted to win, yeah?" He added.

"Ah-ah! Do not move! Give me your gun." He commanded making you flinch, you glanced at the timer on his suit, less than one minute remaining. You handed him your gun and placed your hands behind your head again.

"Do me a favor." You looked at him confused, "What favor?" 30 seconds remaining.

"Call me captain." Short, yet precise words.

"What?" Your eyebrows furrowed.

"I said, call me captain." 20 seconds.

"Look, I don't know what-"

"Call. Me. Captain. Right now." His voice was full of authority. 10 seconds remaining.

9

8

7

6

5

4

3... "Captain!"

2

1... "Bang!" You flinched at what you've heard, he pulled the trigger! Beomgyu fucking pulled the trigger.

But it wasn't his gun, it was yours, and the muzzle was pressed on his headgear.

10 points were added to your score, a headshot is equivalent to 10 points. The score ascends to 102-113.

@binniesbooks 2024

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

you know i've been thinking about the consequences of malleus's actions in book 7 and i realized how much he's fucked everyone over including his grandma. bc like other than the fact that he ob'd (which literally has NEGATIVE connotations one of which being is idk ""UNSTABLE"" which isnt necessarily a good look for a crown prince is all im saying) he's literally causing terrorism (??? can you call it that idk how else to call it) which is going to setback his grandma's efforts (and lilia's and baul's, and every supporter of his and his family) in keeping peace in their kingdom and the favor of the humans towards the fae. Like. i feel so bad for grandmother draconia rn i can only imagine the stress and pressure she's under.

Then theres also aside from PHYSCIALLY compromising everyone's healths in sage island (BECAUSE THE MAJORITY ARE HUMANS OR AT LEAST THEY DONT LIVE AS LONG AS THE FAE). He's also fucked everyone mentally twice over!!!! By booting them straight into a world where none of their problems exist. Now that wouldnt sound bad if it weren't for the fact that dreams have to end, and life isnt kind. It rarely ever is, and i can only imagine how distraught i would be if i were to say, hypothetically lost someone a year before and the wound is so fresh and raw and, in my dreams, they never died and everything is okay, then i wake up and realize that it was just that. A dream, they are still gone and i wish i never woke up which would be a LITERAL DEATH SENTENCE. This isnt just an event that takes place in NRC either BUT THE WHOLE ISLAND and that domain is GROWING, GROWING. I can't imagine just how many would be so emotionally ruined after this. Like.....

If Malleus does not suffer the consequences of his actions istg i will be so pissed, at least REMOVE HIM FROM THE PREMISE OR SOMETHING GODDDDDDD this cannot be remedied with a slap on the hand!!!!!

(Note: Sorry for the long rant. I felt the need to get this out of my chest bc i dont mind malleus's archetype actually nor do i actually hate him, bc i enjoy him interacting w other characters a lot (my fave ever vigenette is him giving deuce the equivalent of minecraft diamon for fixing a retrobit gaming toy) BUT GOD DOES HE MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL)

Yeah, I do feel like the scale of Malleus's actions cannot be understated. I know it's kind of a fandom joke that the OB boys are left off with a slap on the wrist + maybe some social ramifications at school, but this is the ONE time in the main story where things are getting super big and the effects could be cripplingly long-lasting.

I don't know if TWST will seriously address the consequences after book 7, but I sure hope they do!! There is a lot of interesting ground to cover (many points which this anon has already brought up) in a follow-up main story arc or the next book.

For example:

Malleus obviously has to regain the trust of his peers and staff. He didn’t really have it before but now has to work twice as hard to make connections since he just took a drastic action that confirmed the rumors some were already spreading about how he’s a monster.

He’s the sole heir to the throne and has just betrayed the trust of the people of Briar Valley. How are they feeling about him now? Do they still trust him to lead them?

How does this impact their relations with other countries (since Malleus himself stresses how he represents Briar Valley)? This is a problem visible on a global scale, and surely this would damage their rep with other nations, particularly the predominantly human ones. It’s setting back what is hundreds of years of trying to fix the broken trust between their races.

Malleus’s UM potentially puts his victims in physical harm; in book 7, Ortho suggests that since everyone is sleeping, their bodies are not getting the food or water they need. As a result, they may physically waste away and then perish. (We have seen that there are sleep blessings that keep people sleeping for hundreds of years without detriment to the blessed though, such as the one cast on Silver—so we cannot be entirely sure if Ortho’s theory is correct or not.)

There is the possibility that Malleus’s dreams may traumatize or retraumatize his victims, particularly those with deep rooted troubles. An example of this is Idia, who had suffered the loss of his brother when he was like… 8 years old??? But then in his dream, Idia is living a happy false reality that Ortho never died. When he finally comes to this realization, he has to relive the trauma of the discovery all over again and breaks down sobbing. We also see in the most recent book 7 update that Vil had to face the evilest aspects of himself and a dark reality; Rook became very emotional upon waking himself. Admittedly, Idia and co. coped with it well enough—this is proof of their character development and the strength of the new friendships they’ve formed. However, all the people on Sage’s Island/Twisted Wonderland may not react so positively or be so accepting of their cruel realities.

Again, just the overall moral dilemma of one person robbing all of Sage’s Island (and soon all of Twisted Wonderland) of their autonomy.

Potential extra work for STYX and whichever countries Malleus’s magic manages to spread to (repairing any physical damage caused by the thorns + mental damage done to those that fell asleep). That’s money, time, and resources that aren’t going toward other everyday endeavors.

How will Malleus himself mentally and emotionally cope with what he has done? Is he going to show remorse and shame? How does he plan on rectifying his actions, if at all?

Will this change how his dorm members + family view him? For example, will Sebek become disillusioned with his liege/realize Malleus is not as perfect as he seems? Will Maleficia blame herself for not being there for Malleus? Will Lilia feel guilty for not teaching Malleus right from wrong? Etc, etc, etc.

I’d honestly love to read all of these! 🤔 It would add a lot to the lore and history of Twisted Wonderland, as well as serve as motivators for Malleus to change, “be better”, and actually earn the respect he’s so used to being handed by default. This would be huge for him, especially seeing as he has not really faced significant backlash or consequences for any other missteps he was responsible for or involved in. (I know I bring this one up a lot, but Endless Halloween Night is one such major example.)

[h1biscusgal]

hi, your vibe is so good and your theme also

i am very confused like i know entering void is very easy and once we came out of our desires are already materialised but still i feel that it is out of my league like idk what my df would be i have choosen someone's face but she looks 25 plus and i am 18 so i want to look like her younger version or something like that idk how it will work out

secondly i want my crush to message me and start talking regularly he is a playboy he want someone new everyday i want him to be obsessed with me more than how i used to be but my sc is very bad i feel that why he will msg me only when here are so many beautiful girls around

thirdly , i am very insecure to take pics i dont find myself pretty but after the void everything will change from head to toe so i want revised pics but i dont believe that it will happen

and lastly idk what to visualise while doing sats

Girly.

Stop. Saying. "I don't believe his will happen."

Then why are u here if u won't believe it? Literally please look at the thousands of people in this community, there are two types:

A) I'm getting my life, cause I'm a master at it.

2) omg what do I do how do I do it, she got hers when am I getting mine, I find it hard that's so weird, I'm skeptical what if it doesn't work? What if it won't help me? It's not true what am I doing I failed and I couldn't-

Meanwhile number 2 in complaining number 1 already got their desires.

Why the FUCK would you think the void is out of ur league 🧍🏻‍♀️

MY THROAT HURTS FROM REPEATING IT (or well my fingers from typing it)

THE

VOID

IS

YOU.

You CANT TRY FOR THE VOID WHEN IT'S IN U.

Do you tell yourself "omg that cheesecake is out of my reach I could never" when the plate in RIGHT in your hand? LIKE IT'S IN UR HANDS-

And for the Df, you can literally just manifest looking like a younger version of her, that's how I did my own (not from the void, but I manifested within time to resemble young Jennifer Connelly)

Manifesting is limitless, and the only limit rn is you in the way, believe me I'm not trying to demotivate people but if you go with this mindset? It won't work out well.

Change it, and girly u already said your self concept is bad (btw I don't believe that you have to have a mental diet, self concept is literally just saying "so what, I got it" and that's it)

You will get ur crush if you stop victimizing yourself and pull yourself together.

For the love of GODDDD fix ur state of mind, the only person to blame is you if you don't fix yourself pls, it's not hard and I DO NOT WANT ANYONE SAYING:

"but Coco, it might be easy for you but it's hard for us! We can't!"

NUH UH ☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻

I said the same and it took me what, two days?

And you can change ur appearance ofc, but like I said, in your hands, please please PLEASE FIX YOUR CONCEPT.

And I know a lot started messaging me saying:

"Coco I've heard people manifest even when they are in a negative state of mind!"

Yeah, you can cry and get it, feel insecure and get it, but y'know what bloggers mean when they say fix ur concept?

No it doesn't mean be happy go lucky, mf it means:

Flip that specific thought that you can't enter, can't shift, can't get to the void, and so on.

CRY AND BAWL, JUST REMEMBER YOU ARE A MASTER, THAT'S IT

[frutiestorange]

Supernatural fic recs for people like me who dont ship destiel or wincest!!(mostly sam focused)

>You Can't Rule with a Broken Upper Hand-inkandpaperqwerty-A03-castiel focused (top on my to reread list, and inkandpaperqwerty a lot of other bangers too)

Successfully killing Lilith and keeping Dean out of Hell has the brothers ready for a good, old-fashioned, hunter-on-demon brawl. It's time to get back to the basics, back to the way things used to be, when monsters got ganked and that was the end of things. That said, they are not ready for a new kind of creature to appear in the middle of their fight, covered in blood and begging for mercy they aren't supposed to give.

Meanwhile, Castiel is panicking. He's been tortured senseless for four decades straight, and now he's been thrown down in front of two hunters. If he thought his brothers were bad... well, all angels knew how cruel hunters were... and Castiel has no idea how to convince them he doesn't need to be, in the shorter one's words, ganked.

>Living expenses- by Tolakasa-sams stanford era focused-Fanfiction.net (i love it sooo much go read it rn)

Preseries. Scholarships don't pay for everything. When you're not talking to your family, that makes summer the worst time of the year.

>Damaged Goods-by Taizi-A03-childhood abuse,dean and sam-(Taizi NEVER misses and i will die on that hill, go read all of their works and tell them i sent you)

"It really didn't happen all the time, dad wasn't abusive. And he loved us, Sam, you know he did. It's just- everything got to him, you know? Mom, and Yellow-eyes, and all the daily shit we had to swim through, sometimes it was just too much for him and he drank it all away."

>Misconception-by authoressjean-A03-hurt/comfort,all the winchesters together including mary and john-NOT WINCEST in the SLIGHTEST, but John sure thinks so.-(Once again, go through all of authoressjean's works if you want the best fics ever)

A view or opinion that is incorrect because it is based on faulty thinking or understanding.

AU of 14x13. Instead of rushing to get John back to his own time, they decide to let him stay a little longer. Time won't completely collapse with one night with their dad, so what harm can him staying do?

For Sam, a lot of harm. John believes something about his sons and he's determined to set all the blame at his youngest's feet, revealing painful secrets that Sam would've preferred to stay hidden, things he feared anyone finding out, things John feels are wrong.

Too bad for John that Mary and Dean don't feel the same way and are more than ready to back Sam.

NOT WINCEST in the SLIGHTEST, but John sure thinks so.

Two-shot.

>The Gate is Straight, Deep and Wide-by ratherastory-A03-(i havent read this one recently but i remember it being pretty good)

Part of the Fusion 'verse. Sam walks out of hell and finds his way home. From a prompt at the First Time comment-fic meme by the lovely and talented de_nugis: The first time Sam gets that Dean does unreservedly trust him again, coupled with the first time Dean gets that Sam really does want nothing more than he wants to be with Dean.

>One Saved Message-by ratherastory-a03-VOICEMAIL FIX IT!!-(one of my all time favs)

After a hunting accident puts Sam out of commission for a couple of days, Dean decides to surprise his brother with a new phone, since his old one is toast. Even better is when he finds that he’s been able to save all of Sam’s old information and restore it to his cell. That’s when he discovers an old voicemail that Sam has kept saved for the last two and a half years… Charity fic for help_japan. sinka won a fic from me and requested some Voicemail fix-it fic, and that is what I have attempted here. Spoilers for all aired episodes up to 6.19.

ok these are as many as i can bother to dig up but i have so many more, my fellow non-shippers stay strong out there and comment if u want some specific tags or tropes (!!i have mostly sam focused fics!!) or just want more recs!! ill be sure to dig some more up for u (or if you have any recs for me(preferably no ships BUT if theyre really good ill check them out anyways) i will love you forever

[chanelsweetx]

IM LITERALLY BEGGING ON MY KNEES RN DO AN ENEMIES TO LOVERS W MATT PLEASEE 🥺🥺🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

sweetheart m.s.

another sickfic im sorry! please leave requests!

not proofread.

you’re currently getting ready to go to a party with the triplets you put on a simple dress, converse, and curl your hair. 8:54, the clock reads, nick said that he’d be here around 9.

you’ve known the triplets since freshman year but every time you see matt he’s rude to you.

its always some snarky comment about your looks or how you’re ’so annoying'

on cue, you hear matt honk outside and you hop in the car next to nick. you are about to thank matt for picking you up before he says.

“dont you think your hair is a bit much?” he mumbles, although you can hear it very clearly.

you look down at your lap and fiddle with your fingers, you then start trying to fix your hair, flattening it.

“y/n, your hair looks pretty” nick says smiling at you.

“thank you” i smile but still feeling hurt by matts comment. ive always felt just a little bit different about matt.

i used to talk to him all the time, we were best friends and then at the start of sophomore year he just ghosted me.

‘sweetheart’ he used to call me.

you exit the car arms linked with nick. “i like your shirt chris!” you compliment looking down at his camo shirt.

“thank you, y/n/n. i love your dress.” he says. you nod at him, smiling entering the house.

matt clenches his jaw hearing chris compliment you. he quickly relaxes when he sees you biting your lip. he immediately remembers how one of the first things you bonded over was your anxiety and you told him that you always bite your lip when you're nervous.

he walks behind you just to make sure no one gets too close to you.

as you guys go and get water you feel a small pain in your stomach. you can’t tell if its from anxiety, sickness, or both.

after about 45 minutes of wandering around, talking to a couple people before settling on a couch.

your next to matt with nick on the other side.

“no, yeah” you hear the random guy say, ryan, you think his name was. “hold on, im gonna go re-fill my drink” chris says. “me too.” nick and ryan say at the same time as they all leave.

you and matt sit on the couch as there’s like a hundred people surrounding you slowly getting more, and more stuffy.

you start to feel really nervous, your stomach hurts and you have anxiety with means you also have anxiety about your stomach hurting which makes it hurt more.

“matt?” you whisper. “what?” he snaps. his eyes softening when he sees your nervous state. you pull your feet up to your chest, pulling down your dress.

“what’s wrong sweetheart?” you hear him whisper. he places his hand on your back rubbing his thumb softly over the fabric of your dress.

your heart start beating rapidly. “i dont feel good matt, my stomach hurts and my anxiety is bad which is making my stomach hurt"

“im sorry,” he pulls you to his side wrapping his arm around you. “im so sorry about everything y/n. i dont know what i was thinking. over freshman year i started to like ou and then i got scared to i started being rude. im so stupid and i should’ve never done tha-“ he’s cut off by you hugging him landing on his lap. “im in love with you sweetheart” he confesses.

your heart pounds “im in love with you matt.” you speak, he blushes, tucking his head into your neck.

“does this mean im your boyfriend?” he asks “ do you want to be my boyfriend?” “of course” he flushes. “then yes.” you kiss him on the forehead “i wanna kiss you really bad but im 100% sick, my head is pounding.” you admit.

he kisses your temple and pulls back to kiss your stomach. he places a soft hand on the back of your head pushing you into his chest. “rest for a second sweetheart. im gonna text chris and nick.” he says, you nod.

after a couple minutes he lifts you from your thighs caring you to the car while you slightly regain consciousness. “mm-baby, where?” you ask, he blushes at the nickname.

“chris and nick are gonna get an uber, lets get you home so i can take care of you.” he states, setting you in the passenger seat.

once you get back to the house he sets you in his bed. he then grabs sweatpants and a t-shirt of his to change into.

“one sec, im gonna go get some stuff.” he says through the bathroom door.

he comes back with medicine, water, and your favorite blanket you always use when you come over. your just standing there unsure wha to do.

he sets the stuff down and picks you up laying on the oppsite side of the bed that he lays on.

you take the medicine then he tucks the blanket around you then he puts his duvet over you.

“will you lay with me?” you ask “of course, if you want.” “please do,” you say.

he changes into sweatpants and a hoodie, in front of you. you blush. he climbs into bed pulling you to his chest.

he pulls you in, cupping you cheeks. as your lips meet the kiss is soft and passionate expression so many emotions. after a couple of minutes he pulls back “why the fuck did you just kiss me? im sick.” you respond. “im sleeping in the same bed as you, its inevitable.” he states, smiling.

“i love you sweetheart"

[kirksfangrl]

Dilf Kirk please 😔 any trope at all but just dilf Kirk pls

i see yalls requests im so busy with college rn so i apologize for taking so long!! for dilf kirk lets do 2015 kirk 🩷

─୨ৎ───────୨ৎ─

my college professor. | 2015

cw: smut & age gap ofc

─୨ৎ───────୨ৎ─

today is the last week before the week of my college finals and im not doing so great in my anatomy course, well.. how could i if my professor is kirk hammett. i cant even bare myself let alone focus, hes a distraction but maybe i can figure out how i can fix my final grade in his class so i can get my desired credits.

i have no idea how im gonna go about this but i will see after his class today. kirk has had his eyes for me for a while especially since i sat at front all semester.. or maybe because im failing and hes concerned, however. no moves were made since he is a bit old and im not sure if he is even into me. i purposely put on a shorter skirt today with a white buttoned down blouse almost kind of revealing but not so much, i was ready and i had a plan and i hope it goes accordingly.

i walk into anatomy and i look over and see a huge grin on kirk’s face as he’s analyzing every inch of me. that was different.. maybe what im wearing is working. “good morning professor hammett.” as i smile and take my seat at the front. he walks over to me and leans into the table infront of me “i would want to have a word with you after class. its important.” he says.

i nod in surprise and think wow i didnt even have to try, this is going good i guess. despite that hes probably just going to tell me that im failing and that a final exam wont really make it up, but i have a little something for him to make a change to my grade.

as the time passes.

we have 5 minutes left and im a bit nervous. he locks his eyes onto me and he looks a bit frustrated but that is not what concerns me. “alright class! you’re dismissed early. please study for your exams next week and have a great summer!” as he gestures me to stay. i look up at him while hes washing down the white boards, i clench my hands together and get up and make way to his desk. before i can even let out a word. 

“so do you know why you’re here? your perfomance is very bad in this class and i dont even think a final exam could save you. there is no excuse, you’ve learned anatomy before so why is this something you cant get a grasp of? before this course even begun i told all of my students to let me know if they start to even fail so that i can get them the help they need. im even more disappointed because you are not even dressed appropriately for class.” he lectures.

“i.. im sorry kir- i mean professor. i was running late and this is all that i could really throw on. i didnt know my grades were at sake i was honestly distracte-“ he cuts me off.

“distracted?? what could be distracting? i mean this is science this should not be distracting at all.” he adds in confusion.

“no i mean like you’re distracting..” as i move a bit closer.

shit i probably worded that wrong i hope it didnt seem offensive…

“im distracting? i wouldnt expect my students to be looking at me and not the course work..” he says.

i move closer to his side, almost touching him. for some reason he does not back away but instead he takes my hand and opens up the course textbook and makes me go over the skeletal system for my exam, controlling every bit of my hand movements while he stands behind me. 

“im sorry i cant really help you with your current grade but i can go over your exam with you.” he says in a smooth questionable tone.

“but.. professor, you can! please just this once.. i wont tell anyone..” i stare back up at him with doe eyes pleading.

i take my free hand and grab his hand away from my other hand and put his hand around my waist. i turn around so now im facing him and our bodies are together. he looks disbelieved.

“we cannot do thi-“ i put my finger over his mouth. “if i made you feel good would you change it then?” i smirk. i took my finger away to see what he had to say.

“yes but that would depend.. this is very wrong, this is a threat to my job you know that right?”

“shhhh, i would never tell on you kirk.. i have liked you since the beginning of this semester. i have always wanted you, i never had your age in mind and i dont care. i want to show you what i’ve been wanting to show you.” i whisper.

he lifts me onto his desk, he leans in and starts kissing me uncontrollably while unbuttoning my blouse revealing everything. oh my god it really worked out in my favor im just so stoked.

i push him back into his chair and get onto the floor infront of him. i unbuckle his belt and his pants, his length springs out into my face as i start to stroke it. i put my mouth over it, covering it all in spit. hearing him groan was the sexiest thing ever. i couldnt resist, my sucking pace went faster and faster

he grips the armrests of the chair, his knuckles white with tension as i work him with my mouth. his breathing grows ragged, and he lets out a low, guttural moan that sends a thrill down my spine. i glance up at him, our eyes locking in a moment of intense connection. seeing his raw desire spurs me on, and i take him even deeper, relaxing my throat to accommodate his size. his hands find their way to my hair, gently guiding my movements as i move my head up and down, my saliva coating him entirely.

"fuck, you're so good at that," he murmurs, his voice hoarse with lust. "don't stop."

i have no intention of stopping. i speed up my pace, my hand working in tandem with my mouth, twisting and stroking as i suck him off. his hips begin to buck slightly, meeting my movements, and i can feel his body tensing, coiling like a spring ready to release.

suddenly, he pulls me off him, his chest heaving. "i want to be inside you," he growls, his eyes wild with need. he lifts me up effortlessly, spinning me around so that i'm straddling him, my back to his front. i can feel his hard length pressing against my back, and i grind against him, teasing us both.

"condom," i gasp, reaching into my skirt pocket and pulling one out, ripping it open with my teeth.

kirk takes it from me, swiftly rolling it onto his length. then, with one swift motion, he lifts me slightly and puts me on top of him, filling me completely. we both let out a cry of pleasure, our bodies fitting together perfectly.

our bodies move in sync. i begin to ride him, lifting myself up and down, feeling every inch of him slide in and out of me. his hands grip my hips, guiding my movements, his fingers digging into my flesh. the sensation is intoxicating, and i can feel myself building towards a powerful orgasm.

"kirk.” i moan, his name in plead . "don't stop. i'm so close."

he leans forward, his teeth grazing my shoulder as he bites down gently.

"i won't," he promises, his voice a low growl in my ear. "come for me. let me feel you fall apart."

his words push me over the edge. i cry out, my body ripping waves of pleasure crash over me. he continues to thrust up into me, drawing out my orgasm, riding out every last shudder from my body.

but he's not done yet. with a powerful surge, he stands up, still having me on his length, and turns us around. he bends me over his desk, my chest pressing against the cool wood, my ass in the air. he enters me from behind, his thrusts deep and powerful, each one taking a cry of pleasure from deep within me.

"fuck, you feel so good," he grunts, his body slapping against mine. "so tight and wet."

i push back against him, meeting his thrusts, our bodies slapping together in a frenzied rhythm. i can feel another orgasm building, my body coiling tight as a spring.

"kirk," i cry out, my voice echoing in the room. "i'm coming again."

he reaches around, his fingers finding my clit, rubbing it in tight circles. that's all it takes. i shatter, my body exploding in pleasure. he follows soon after, his body tensing as he finds his release, his length pulsing inside me.

we collapse onto the desk, our bodies slick with sweat, our breath coming in ragged gasps. he pulls me close, his arms wrapping around me, holding me tight as we come down from our high.

as our breathing returns to normal, kirk presses a soft kiss to my shoulder, then pulls out of me, making me shiver as he does. he disposes of the condom, then turns me around to face him, a satisfied smile playing on his lips.

"you know," he says, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, "i think you've more than earned an a in this class."

i raise an eyebrow "oh, really? and why is that?"

he leans in, his voice a low murmur in my ear. "because even though you havent been the best in my class as much as you are in other courses. you made me feel very, very good like you said.”

i can't help but laugh, a soft, satisfied sound. "well, i'm glad i could be of service, professor."

he pulls back, his eyes serious. "no, really. you've got a bright future ahead of you. and i want to make sure you get every opportunity."

i feel a warmth spread through me at his words, a mix of satisfaction and affection. "thank you, kirk. that means a lot."

he smiles, then helps me up, his hands lingering on my waist. "now, let's get you cleaned up.”

─୨ৎ───────୨ৎ─

[flamboyant-king]

Time for another King Ramble!

I need to be more, idk, proud of the things I do. Give myself more credit for the things I accomplish, despite NEVER completing anything. So, here I go--

I like my comic, despite it just starting ("starting," story-wise it has barely begun, but bro, it's almost a year since I first started. I've taken so many breaks that I am not go--positive, I have to be positive). It's a simple story, no giant world building or a multitude of characters I need to create depth for. It's a simple story on growth, characterization, and healing. Building a connection with other people and doing everything you can to improve as a person. Setting boundaries yet also going with the flow. Just a story about living life and making it the best possible. It doesn't have the most drama, the most action, the most exciting moments, but it's just life. It's cozy, its uncomfortable, it has its moments.

I'm happy with how long I stuck to it. I usually give up within a month, but look, I stuck it out a whole SIX months. And I learned quite a bit, by asking questions to other creators, but also by just pushing myself to learn a bit. Forcing perspectives, effects, and trying out new brushes. I'm even asking for help, I never ask for help. That's a fucking huge improvement. What kind of stinks is I took on this project in the middle of me trying to fix myself as a person, getting therapy and various diagnoses and whatnot. I thought creating a comic would help me improve, but there are other issues that adding more stress on won't fix.

But it's freaking cool. I've got hundreds of folks who like what I have so far. I don't want to disappoint them by making them wait longer, but this is my story I want to tell. It will be told, one way or other, and it's gonna be perfect because it's going to be MINE. I mustn't be so scared of trying or failing, I just need to DO. I'm failing already if I don't try. I won't fail if I'm TRYING. I just need to DO IT.

COME ON KING

GET UP

AND DON'T BE AFRAID

JUST WORK ON IT

JUST DRAW

JUST HAVE FUN BRO

(My mind is kind of a bungled mess right now thanks to all my health concerns. Stuff with insurance, biopsies, tests, and my weight. Agh lots on my mind. Getting off topic oogh agh I'm at work rn and it feels nice to type on this crusty ass keyboard haha)

Thinking about winning that webtoon contest. or even just placing in the genre categories puts a smile on my face. Just thinking that something I made is worth money makes me smile. Like someone buying a commission or ordering something off my etsy. It makes me smile. My comic isn't the most polished, most consistent, or most intriguing, but it has so much heart to it. Not to say the other THOUSANDS of entries don't have heart, but knowing the stuff I've been going through, I know I put my heart into it. There is so much turmoil surrounding it. So much stress. So much struggle put into it. Personal, mental struggles. I know folks are in it for the prizes, the contracts, the notoriety. I'm in it for the HOPES of awakening my passion to make art again.

It's been gone for the last few months. All these MINOR, literally minor, like its not cancer, im not dying, HEALTH problems really taking their toll on my psyche. Eating at my motivation and my focus. I will cherish the pages I already made for the comic, but I super-di-duper want to make more pages. But there is something there blocking my ability to just DO IT. I want to so bad, but my body refuses.

If you're curious, my health issues are like a bunch of small things, like teeth fillings, sleep apnea, i got a fuckin lump in my boob, they want to test me for autism, ive gained so much weight thanks to my bipolar medication, they DONT BELIEVE i have adhd because i dont show SYMPTOMS when i TALK to them. It's a focus thing bro, what you want me to focus on? your luscious lips?? i want to draw bro and i cant do it??? i want to finish projects but i cant bring myself to do it because i cant find the right background noise?? or i havent SPICED up my energy gauge to get that momentum rolling??

speaking of unfinished projects, how's that LING PICREW going KING!? Well, I was able to finish drawing/coloring all the hair options. But its uploading the 2000+ files onto picrew is too much tedium for me. IT WOULDNT BE, IF I HAD THE RIGHT BACKGROUND NOISE!!!???????? It would have been so much easier if i uploaded the files in proper labelled format and sorted them differently into folders, but noooooooooo, that's too confusing. AND IT IS FOR ME BECAUSE THERE'S ADHD IN MY BRAIN

BUT APPARENTLY THATS NOT SO!?!?!??!?!?!

I am proud of myself for the things I did do before, like the uquiz, the toyhouse profiles i was able to finish, the visual novel that GOT NUKED FROM THE FACE OF THE INTERNET, the UI for projects I did in university, the game demos I had a hand in making, the 3D model of a beach I did, I graduated high school with cum laude, I was offered a half-ride scholarship to the art college I wanted to go to, I got a few art scholarships despite it all, got a couple associate's degrees, I got my bachelor's degree in compsci with a minor in finearts, I'm even proud of getting fanart of characters I made.

Seems like a steep difference in the things I'm proud of, but my perception of success and achievements have been distorted by high expectations and my POSSIBLE AUTISM. I remember telling my english/composition professor in community college how I didn't feel proud of graduating high school. I forgot what he said, but he said he can see how bleak my outlook on life was.

Idk how a therapist could help me fix that. I want to be proud of things, but I'm proud of things people arent proud of me for. I'm proud to finish a painting I spent 80 hours on, but I don't care that I barely scraped by to get a degree I didn't want in the first place. HMMM MAKES YOU THINK

What's done is done. The damage is all done. Now I need to fix how I view the world and myself. I tried a year of therapy but see no difference on my brain chemistry. I do, however, have new ways of coping, such as going on a walk, playing with legos, time to myself, hanging with friends, and whatnot. So that's something. A lot of money spent, but who gives a shit. When I'm dead what am I gonna do with that money?

Oop, work is almost done in 6 minutes. If you actually read this, leave a comment that says "hehoo"

[werewolfoffeverswamp]

tbh i dont know if i’ve ever made a single piece of art i actually like in an academic setting. they’re always haphazardly done last minute and the subject matter is always so. hm. it’s a little boring. the only times i think i’ve come close to making something i was proud of in school is when i was pushed to my mental breaking point and i just started fucking doing whatever i wanted. so today i’m rating them

in my sophomore year i was in sculpture class and had to make a smooth plaster sculpture. the amount of manual labor required to sand down a sculpture that had to be at least 3 feet in some direction is not something i wanted to deal with. as you can see my sculpture is not smooth. the design i was happy with— the sculpture itself i was not.

it was titled “Mistakes” or something along those lines. my classmates stood up for me in critique when my professor said it was lazy and unfinished. not one of my peers said a bad thing about it. we smashed the sculptures apart behind the building when critique was over. i still want to cry when i think about it, it was an extremely special experience for me.

10/10 i actually wish i still had it and i have been meaning to make a tiny version out of clay. such a special piece to me, very formative

this piece was made at the end of my college career when i first started testosterone. i wanted to make some sort of tribute to it for my final piece— i’m of an extremely divided mind when i think about it. there are parts that look clunky and not developed properly… thrown together, as i believe my professor Jason said. i am, however, happy with certain technical aspects of the piece! the formation and shading of the hand and the syringe is something i really like, and did a lot of layering to achieve. i used a paper cutout to make the repeated syringes on the bottom left, another new technique i tried and was happy with the results of.

the text WAS thrown on last minute in an effort to spice up the piece but it’s a reference to the song Crosseyed and Painless by Talking Heads. it’s a song i’ve always identified with in a gender way, with the first few lines being “Lost my shape, trying to act casual./Can’t stop, I might end up in the hospital.” i felt on the verge of collapse constantly in the early days of my transition. it was like i had lost my shape and was destined to end up hurt in some way. i wish the text was more well thought out, it could have been done in a more uniform way and i think it would have looked a little better.

the wasp head is also a reference to an old oc of mine, who was a man with a wasp head named Gene. i wish i would have used different colors, the black and yellow i used should have been warmer. mars black instead of ivory. whatever again it’s technical stuff.

6.5/10 i could technically go back and fix this one bc i still have it, but i have better things to do rn.

the hand dino came into the world in a fiery manner. for the final project we had to make a piece with the dimensions of minimum like 4ft by 4ft, and by this point i was burnt out and the most exhausted with art i’d ever been (besides maybe sophomore year ig 🤔) and i told my professor i couldn’t do a project that big. he made the mistake of telling me to do what i could manage, which ended up being a roughly 12in by 12in piece of oil painting paper.

in many ways i like the concept of this piece. the idea of it. it’s fun! it’s combining realistic elements with cartoonish ones in a way i enjoy.

however. looking back, i genuinely think it would have been a cooler concept on a bigger scale 😭 which is so frustrating.

7.5/10 i wish i’d had it in me to do it better.

and how could we forget dear body horror babe? made in my first semester of sophomore year and done with ink and charcoal and conte crayons, it was an assignment one of my more eccentric teachers wanted us to do where we randomly splattered ink on a paper using ink-covered coins and tried to come up with a drawing just from the happenstance of where the ink coins landed.

i chose a more abstract route and basically turned every ink splat into an eye and tried to come up with somewhat distorted body imagery to evenly fill all the space on the paper. you can find a lot of stuff going on in this piece.

11/10 but also not done at my lowest point, just during the steady decline.

ok can i be frank for a second. i fucking hate this piece. so what you’re seeing is an 8ft by 4ft thin block of particle board, carved by hand in low relief to ink and print on old bedsheets.

my professor for this relief class was strict about the theme of the class, which was political art. she insisted we make art relating to a political topic and our beliefs on it. and this isn’t to say political art is bad in any way, but it’s truly not something i want to FOCUS on creating necessarily. the fact that it was MANDATORY is the issue here. one of my classmates refused to make purposely political art and instead chose to make a beautiful piece of the sun and moon as lovers. i wish i had just done the same and refused to make strictly political art. if i’m honest i just wanted to make an epic wood carving scene of a dark and eerie night outside draculas castle. instead, as you can see, i chose (somewhat arbitrarily in an effort to make the project into something i could enjoy carving) environmentalism.

technically i don’t mind this piece. the composition is fine and the detail in some areas i’m very proud of. other areas not as much. my teacher also forced me to do what i think is over-carve some areas to fill the piece with texture. i do not like it and i wish i had kept some areas fully un-carved, even if it didnt print right. i don’t care.

also what’s worse about the whole experience of this piece is that it was part of an event called Blocktoberfest and my school partnered with a local state college to make and print these huge blocks on their campus. the reason this is bad is bc the state college students did whatever the hell they wanted for their designs and we saw some really cool subject matters, from aliens to occult symbolism. and their school’s art department had a couch in it and ours didn’t. :/

also blocktoberfest was an insane amount of physical work bc rolling those big ass rollers in ink and then a giant block and then ink and then the block and ink and block was a lot of effort. i was sore after it. and it lowkey felt like me and my classmates were doing all the work and like maybe 5 people from the other school were helping. whatever. whatever anyways

1/10 genuinely pisses me off to look at. wish i would have just done draculas castle

^i also think it’s worth mentioning about this professor: no one really liked her. she made it very clear that she thought there was a right and wrong way to create art. and she fully believed she was right about everything bc she was old and wise. and she was also gay so maybe she had some credit. but her art to me always felt a little uppity and she was also really rich. she let us visit her studio and we did our final critique there of a piece i made that i absolutely hated everything about. i dont even have a picture of it bc it pissed me off so bad. she also was lowkey racist towards a few of my classmates so i really don’t like her.

anyways that’s all the pieces i want to review currently. let me know what you guys think about em if you want. i hereby ask for you to critique my art.

the difference between making art for a deadline vs making art purely bc you enjoy the process and outcome is so crazy. it actually makes me sick with sadness. i don’t have the resources to create freely yet. anyways art under the constraint of academia is so frustrating for me specifically. like whatever. whatever

[marcellasdiary]

hello :D so... i am insanely curious about what derek is like in your dr. for research purposes 🤭 if you don't mind answering? literally anything about him at all is fine. i just love that man dearly.

HII ERIN!! no i dont mind at all! yapathon incoming as per usual

derek hale, when i first met him, they could not make me form a solid opinion on him. like. did he hate me? did he tolerate me? was i annoying him? was he plotting my murder? was he about to ask me to join his leather jacket crew?? who’s to say.

he was 22 when i met him, 26 now, so he is older than all of us. he has a staring problem. bucky barnes coded. he’s an annoying gym rat, he likes to cook (and is surprisingly good at it), he likes to read, and he’s into classic rock and overall 70s/80s music. when he lived in bh i used to call him whenever something broke because he was the only one who would actually know how to fix it. very chronically offline, i think saying “skibidi toilet” to him would get the same reaction as saying it to a victorian child. or he would just tell me to stfu idk either one really depending on his mood.

he still does the standing of in the corner menacingly thing. the first time he did it to me, i didn’t see him at first and quite literally screamed in his face. he scared me so bad, you don’t understand. it was night. i was just on a walk. what did i do to deserve being jumpscared like that. he’s the kind of person where if he doesn’t like you, he will not like you. but if you’re in? you’re in for life. make sense?

after finding out what i am, i think he gained this odd, lowkey respect for me 😭. i mean. probably considering what i can do. when everyone was being weird and picking sides, i basically became an honorary part of his pack, even though i’m not a werewolf. scott was pissing me off at the time (mostly allison’s fault 😄) and i just clicked more with isaac, erica, boyd, and cora anyway, so it worked. he was the one who taught me how to fight and helped me learn to control my abilities as much as he could.

he’s still an alpha in my dr, but the dynamics have shifted. it’s not like it was back then, no one really thinks of us as two separate groups/packs anymore. we’ve got bigger fish to fry atp i fear than who might’ve said what to who or did what in the past.

he doesn’t live in beacon hills anymore. he moved to north carolina with braeden (i’m sorry oomf). however last i heard they’re planning to move to new york. he works in the same… field… 💀 as her, so they travel a lot. they both mostly go after hunters.

he essentially gave us his building where the loft is. i think it’s very sweet of him. fake idgafer. we pay him rent and utilities but he only asked for like the BARE minimum amount so i cannot complain (he’s rich as hell i would not be paying him anymore even if he asked pls LMAO). the building isn’t as apocalyptic-looking as it was in the show 😭, but it was kind of run down just because of how old it is. so those of us that moved into apartments there had to fix it up a little, but overall it’s actually really nice. when he moved out years ago, me and isaac decided to use his loft as a “studio” for our podcast. we thought he was gonna be more angry at this but his reaction was kinda just like “really??” and he’s over it LOL.

i think i’ve said this before on here but it really is me, erica, and isaac’s shared life goal to make him laugh. and more than a chuckle, we mean like rolling onto the floor laugh. he’s so annoying. WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO BE MYSTERIOUS FOR. when he still lived in the loft, we’d hang out there and irritate him 🩷. secretly just to keep him company and make sure he was actually taking care of himself. maybe we’re also the fake idgafers.

we don’t talk super often now, but every once in a blue moon he’ll call to check in or vice versa. and every time he calls me i still pick up the phone like, “…are you dying rn?”

but yes. derek hale. i will admit here and only here that i do love and appreciate him. my very strange older brother figure and evil landlord <3

[amatariki]

this is long so ignore typos and anything that like grammatically wrong. but I saw ur call for help and I ALWAYS come thru 😝😝

HOW TO WRITE FOR JAY 101

personality is key: especially for jay

1. Serious Face, Soft Heart:

— Keep in mind that jay looks like a rich, nepo baby.. BUT, he is a sweetheart (as we know) and hes caring.

— Literally the second he opens his mouth, he’s either polite, goofy, or full of dry sarcasm.

— He’s sweet, but won’t always show it directly. [Most of the time] he demonstrates it: through acts of service, thoughtful gifts, fixing or doing things without asking, etc.

2. Manners

— One of the most polite members, bows properly, speaks formally, always uses honorifics when needed.

— This one mainly goes for regular fics, but he would NEVER treat you like you’re dumb, yes he jokes but never to that extent. even if he’s more experienced, he’s respectful and intentional in how he communicates.

3. Blunt Not Cruel

— Jay is the type of person who will straight up tell you if your shoes don’t match your outfit, but he’ll also help you fix it, and tell you what looks better on you vs what doesn’t

— His version of flirting might sound like: “You look better in that than the model did. Don’t ruin it with the wrong lip color.”

4. Dad/Mom Energy

— This was obvious already, as he’s literally the mom of enha, but he tells dad jokes (thinks they’re funny), and hes just very caring, as a mother/father would do to their child. Not saying he would infantilize you, but he would make sure you’re okay.

— He would 100% take you on a shopping spree, or just let you buy whatever just because u wanted it, he is LOADED (probably dont know this, but he is the richest member of enhypen, off of family money alone, not counting the money je makes being an idol)

5. He is lwk obsessive, whether he’s a friend or a lover

— If Jay loves you, he really loves you. Loyal to a fault.

— He memorizes your habits. He wants to know how you like your eggs and whether you get cold at night.

— Not overly clingy, but always aware of where you are in a room.

6. DRY, but witty humor (goes back to dad jokes)

— He will tell probably the most unfunny joke, or a joke he gets, but you probably won’t, and just sit in silence just to see if you get the joke or not. (U probably wouldnt)

7. Deeply romantic, EVEN IF he won’t say it out loud

— jay is 100% that guy who will do the nicest shit for u but just call himself decent, and nothing special (he definitely is)

— he doesn’t need credit for it. He doesn’t even like the word romantic. You’d tease him about being soft, and he’d scoff, call you dramatic, maybe mutter, “I’m just being decent.”

— but you’ll wake up the next morning to your favorite snacks in the fridge, a sticky note that says “Don’t forget your charger,” and a playlist named “For When You Miss Me.”

ANYWAYS THAT CONCLUDES THE LESSON, i genuinely hoped this help bevause I have been BEGGING people to ask me how to write for an enha member since I started my blog 💔💔 I love them so bad

bro u can actually give me tips on how to write all the members if u want bcs rn im on a wing and a prayer... like im js saying :3

i want to gatekeep this amazing advice so bad but baddies dont gatekeep saurr

AND DW I MAY BE JAKE BIASED BUT I AM NOT A GRAMMAR FREAK HEHE

AT THE END OF THE DAY "THANK YOU" WE CHEER