#having it all be text feels...messy

[secondbeatsongs]

they're fucking with the UI again I see

[3l91]

while they’re apart iwaizumi is definitely the type who tries to date other people to get over his life ruining long term crush on his childhood friend but ends up aggravating his dates by mentioning oikawa every five seconds without thinking

“oh yeah my friend likes to order that.”

“me and that idiot oikawa used to ride bikes every now and then.”

“oikawa actually recommended us this spot-“

etc etc etc even when he’s trying not to think about him

and when a date does go well afterwards he can’t help but think about how much fun it would’ve been to do whatever it was with oikawa

all of his dates clock his crush on his childhood friend and politely turn him down on a second date offer and he’s never beaten up over it and tries to ignore the reason why he isn’t upset in the slightest

and then he texts oikawa while lying on his stomach and kicking his feet .. and because oikawa isn’t in the room with him he’s able to crack a smile when he’s teased about fumbling another date

and both of them know that they’re quietly relieved the other hasn’t run into the love of their lives yet because they want to remain the closest person to one another for just a bit longer

[itspileofgoodthings]

had a very nice realization about peace, especially spiritual peace, the other day. (Been brewing for a while.) and it’s just: peace is for the non-peaceful.

[m00nj3w3l]

So I listened to Clear's drama CD

[shinjaeha]

that charging gel ep making me feel even more insane with gelboys theories bc i had a feeling that things were gonna head in this direction but baabin having his own secret twitter account where he tweets all about his crush on fourmod...oh sweetie... 😭

and now bua knowing the extent of how deep baabin's crush on fourmod goes too (and how its been years)?? baabin's told him, he's seen all the tweets, knows baabin left a blackpink concert where he had the chance to see his BIAS for fourmod...he's the only person in baabin's life that knows all of this about him. the only person that baabin can confide in about his feelings for fourmod, and he's actively reaching out to him trying to comfort him (in that bua way of his)...which will only bring them closer together...oh, this mess really is just starting 👀

bua continues to be the most interesting character to me bc he's still so mysterious (NEED his ep so we can get more insight into his mind and feelings). but i'm already so, so intrigued by his dynamic with baabin...and their tweets have made me even more so. from what we've seen so far, bua seems very upfront and direct about his feelings. baabin, on the other hand, keeps his cards close to his chest. he's got a private twitter where he fanboys over fourmod, a secret fourmod folder for their line conversations, he secretly travels to the station even though he lives close to school just so he can spend more time on the bts with fourmod...but no one knows about any of this but him. bua is the only person that he's been honest to about everything, and bua's encouragement and motivation is also the reason that baabin almost ended up confessing to fourmod. the way they're basically polar opposites when it comes to how they deal with their feelings makes them and their potential friendship/relationship so fascinating to me. esp if bua ends up becoming a shoulder that baabin can lean on (and rant to). honestly, the next ep can't come fast enough!!

[aiscapades]

girl i had huge crush on in school who was a very good friend to me she's so smart and wonderful and kind just told me she's proud of me for inquiring about a breast reduction i literally started crying what the absolute fuck I'm so gay and so deprived of love in my daily life what the fuck kck .?? HELLO??

[camgoloud]

you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons

[sofastuffing]

i have a headache

[akuma-homura]

okay but I hope to god someone makes an offline version of magia record or something. even if it's ''secret'' or whatnot. there was that thing after NA closed but that hasn't been touched in years as far as I saw

[psychopomp-namine]

I actually have a fic idea but lc is a show that's like. you will never ever have all the information and context until the end. and I am a writer who writes best and more confidently when I have all the info and context at my fingertips. so now I'm just like 🧍‍♂️

anyway. ramble in the tags

[3gremlins]

omg mary kirby confirming that she intended lucanis* to be ace - between that and bg3's astarion (and my real actual partner), just cements my apparent fatal flaw of being a deeply horny not at all ace person who is constantly attracted to ace people first thing right out of the gate like "yes that one!!" like a cat that just wants only to sit on people who are deeply allergic to it XD (i'm so sorry you guys T.T) *and maybe bellara too? my 2nd romance plan lol

[jacksintention]

Concerning the conversation about love and hatred, I've compiled a few of the lines I've saved through these last two years that at times make me think of Jack when it comes to this topic

Estas manos, que son tuyas,

pero que al verte quisieran

quebrar las ramas azules

y el murmullo de tus venas.

¡Te quiero! ¡Te quiero! ¡Aparta!

Que si matarte pudiera,

te pondría una mortaja

con los filos de violetas.

¡Ay, qué lamento, qué fuego

me sube por la cabeza!

(...)

¡Ay qué sinrazón! No quiero

contigo cama ni cena,

y no hay minuto del día

que estar contigo no quiera,

porque me arrastras y voy,

y me dices que me vuelva

y te sigo por el aire

como una brizna de hierba.

.

Love has no middle term; either it destroys, or it saves. All human destiny is this dilemma. This dilemma, destruction or salvation, no fate proposes more inexorably than love. Love is life, if it is not death. Cradle; coffin, too. The same sentiment says yes and no in the human heart. Of all the things God has made, the human heart is the one that sheds most light, and alas! most night.

.

It is sometimes said that the sword wears out the scabbard. That is my history. My passions have made me live, and my passions have killed me.

.

Stronger than lover’s love is lover’s hate. Incurable, in each, the wounds they make.

I adore you, but I hate you too. You’re a prison smothered in flowers. I can’t stand this enchantment anymore, I can’t stand being bewitched like this–when I look at you, my gaze turns to nothing but a mirror of light, I’ll stare at you hypnotized for ages, and when I stop seeing you I’ll feel you, and when I stop feeling you I’ll die.

.

Someone tells me: this kind of love is not viable. But how can you evaluate viability? Why is the viable a Good Thing? Why is it better to last than to burn?

.

Life is a series of obsessions one must do away with. Aren’t love, death, God, or saintliness interchangeable and circumstantial obsessions?

.

she is the only thing of importance, because I have a God-relationship to her.

.

it is not she who binds me, but I who have made use of her to bind myself.

.

The thought that you exist is so divinely blissful in itself that it is ridiculous to talk about the everyday sadness of separation—a week’s, ten days’—what does it matter? Since my whole life belongs to you.

.

What have you done with me? he asks. I have repeated you.

.

But I do feel strange-almost unearthly. I’ll never get used to being alive. It’s a mystery. Always startled to find I’ve survived

Walking home, for a moment / you almost believe you could start again. / And an intense love rushes to your heart, / and hope. It's unendurable, unendurable

.

I clung to him as though only the one who had inflicted the pain could comfort me for suffering it.

I could be free … If I could pluck out the memory of him from my heart as easily as his heart was plucked from the fire, I could be free.

.

I am imprisoned by devotion. I shy away from people. I am alone. I fall into depression.

She was the world That he was losing; and the world he sought Was all a tale for those who had been living, And had not lived. Once even he turned his horse, And would have brought his army back with him To make her free. They should be free together. But the Voice within him said: “You are not free. You have come to the world’s end, and it is best You are not free. Where the Light falls, death falls; And in the darkness comes the Light.

.

I miss you like a knife in my throat.

.

Only love can save me and love has destroyed me.

Should I be grateful or should I curse the fact that despite all misfortune I can still feel love, an unearthly love but still for earthly objects?

.

My songs are filled with poison - Why shouldn’t that be true? My heart bears a nest of serpents And also, darling, you.

.

their love is like hatred

.

She did not yet love him enough to be cruel to him.

.

our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love

.

under the sincere guise of hatred I simply loved […], only in this type of love (repulsion) I loved him with greater strength than had I loved him in the simplest form — attraction.

.

Perhaps he was handsome, perhaps I found him attractive, perhaps he repelled me too.

.

Struck by the abstract nature of absence; yet it’s so painful, lacerating. Which allows me to understand abstraction somewhat better: it is absence and pain, the pain of absence—perhaps therefore love?

.

Eroticism is the brink of the abyss. I’m leaning out over deranged horror (at this point my eyes roll back in my head). The abyss is the foundation of the possible. We’re brought to the edge of the same abyss by uncontrolled laughter or ecstasy. From this comes a “questioning” of everything possible. This is the stage of rupture, of letting go of things, of looking forward to death.

.

Love is madness. Doesn’t everyone agree that you’d do anything, endure anything, to be with the ones you love? So either you’re willing to let them use you with any sort of cruelty, so long as they keep you—which makes you a fool—or you’re willing to commit any cruelty, so long as you get to keep them—which makes you a monster. Either way, it’s madness.

.

This madness is so deep-rooted and so useful that it is impossible to realize what would become of each of us if it were someday to disappear.

.

If I must die of fire, why not let me die of yours: knowing that you are the author of my doom will make it more endurable to me

.

His desire for loyalty was naive, he hadn’t understood that being loyal wasn’t so tidy, being loyal means being disloyal to everything else.

.

I have always loved you / Always dreaded you

You will betray me, as I have betrayed, / And I shall kiss the hand that does me wrong

.

Listen: the way I loved you / was like my palm over a flame.

.

If I have the destruction of something that I once loved to carry with me at all times, isn’t it like I still have a companion?

.

One can fall in love and still hate.

.

and I will kill thee, And love thee after.

.

Yet, other characters, namely Heathcliff, Catherine, and Lockwood, remain more actively at war with love in their adult lives. Some force, as inexorable as the wind sweeping over the moors, seems to have bent their lives into a pattern of frustration that their own struggle for relief only aggravates. Their need for love is expressed, not through loving, but through the anguish of loneliness. Paradoxically, though they do not know it, this loneliness is the one condition necessary for the fulfillment of their most profound fantasy concerning perfect love: a love, that is, perfectly protected against the threat of abandonment that in childhood these sufferers learned that love entails.

.

I feel you there, in every pore. Your silence clamors in my ears. You can nail up your mouth, cut your tongue out — but you can’t prevent your being there. Can you stop your thoughts? I hear them ticking away like a clock, tick-tock, tick-tock, and I’m certain you hear mine.

Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris? nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

I hate and I love. Why do I do this, perhaps you ask? I do not know, but I feel it happen and it is excruciating.

[izzy-b-hands]

im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just

it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)

[swirlingvortex]

"I hate begging. For money, for time, for attention or love...anything really. I hate being desperate. I don't ever wanna be that person."

Even when you're struggling and think you're beyond help? How do you suppose people who want to help you, who want you to be alright, would know you're struggling when you do everything in your power to hide it and aggressively push them away when you feel like they suggest you need help with something or even better, lend a helping hand themselves? Why do you take offense the second someone offers help?

Sounds like you hate asking for things, you hate being open about stuff you struggle with, you hate being vulnerable. You hate to admit that you're not the indestructible fortress you've made yourself out to be all these years. You hate to admit you're not perfect; you hate that you're human and as human, that you're imperfect. You need love, attention, you need time for yourself, you need money to survive. But you refuse to let anyone know because you think it degrades you, it tarnishes the perfect image you've built for yourself.

It's not exactly begging you hate, is it?

[biexual]

i feel like gender, sexuality and feminism are complicated issues that do take a lot of time & growth to understand, but also i feel like its a simple issue to understand as well and people over complicate it unnecessarily.

like the issues with people being against changing social issues towards those topics, how miscommunications & wrongdoing/harmful research creates negative views on them, and changes in understandings over time. but also i feel like, it's so simple to just understand that gender & sexuality especially are a spectrum, and the rigid conformities we've been subjected to for so long need to be broken by simply just not caring, and letting people learn their own journeys with sexuality & gender, but for whatever reason, that's still so hard for people to get.

[lunasilvis]

Being abruptly blocked and ghosted right in the middle of a bump appearing within a friendship that, in your eyes, should had been valuable enough to tackle (yea, even twice) as a willing team and come better out of it after an undetermined time, leaves you behind with so, so much stuff and questions to work through on your own.

I want to have a scream in the woods today to let it all out