#hehehe Forever doesnt exist

[notdayanasblog]

Where Forever is just a manifestation of Philza's sadness after Tallulah's first death.

Philza felt so alone, taking care of two eggs, he couldn't handle everything alone. Then a figure appeared, someone who was so obsessed with him that he would never leave him alone, someone who cared a lot about taking care of all the eggs.

Someone who would be there whenever he needed him and would always brighten his day.

Someone who will be by his side... Forever

Welcome to Non-existent Forever AU :D

[definitelynotshouting]

hihi ok ok a lot of thinksies incoming

the fact that grian realized he was drawing on everyone while he was asleep and decided to not sleep and ended up having a panic attack and accidentally amplifying scar and xisuma's feelings to the same level its like.. living with a mental illness. you can't be passive and ignore it (which for grian would mean sleeping and hoping he can just *not* do it) but you also can't be aggressive and try to get rid of it (which for grian is not sleeping) you just have to learn to live with it and have it not harm you or other people (which he hasnt found yet)

+ i am loving that we are seeing more of his memories from being with the watchers but not as a flashback but in parallels from present to past (+the past repeats itself) + also your similies/metaphors are delicious "To skirt past the edge of death and fly, a blind and unwitting moth, toward the bright, unspoiled future", "a creeping, crawling notion that the world no longer makes sense, fits poorly around one's shoulders. Like a worn, childhood coat, stained with the devastating loss of innocence" and "he's pressed a knife to every promise he's ever made since the day he emerged, digging into sinew until each fitful thread snaps. His existence lies in the shadows of these distorted fractures, jagged hopes and dented dreams, forever fated to cut his hands on the fragments. Holding them together has never been a permanent solution; all it ever does is make him bleed." to name a few + HEHEHE IMAGINING MUMBOS IMMACULATE MOUSTACHE

also i might just be vibibg this but i think out of everyone tango feels a sort of parental obligation to grian. hes worried he'll stop breathing in the night, he gets him out of his room, he beams when grian smiles. pearl and mumbo have the sort of betrayed sibling feeling, scar is still trying to hold everything together and xisuma is harbouring the guilt of being the guy who kicked him for the good of the server because they were also good friends. tango has ideas of what is good for grian but being peers ig? also doesn't want to go over what grian wants too much. tango is a little more divided from the others, hes here for jimmy and grian getting better extends to everyone else in their immediate party and further back to hermitcraft and to jimmy and joel and lizzie and everyone

"this would all be so much simpler if nobody cared. But they do, because they're good people" this. this is so bhersnfkksd cause im no stranger to suicidal thoughts and its spot on but then ALSO grian attributing it to their being good people rather than his friends and his saying "they're good people" as if he isn't a good person is so telling in his self loathing

"He senses more than sees Tango level him with an appraising look. As if Grian is a redstone problem in need of solving, of only finding the right tinker to make him function again." i love this. the dynamic of one cahracter being techy/handy in some way and wishing they could fix someone because its so much harder making a person ok again

also also it is so important to me that scar can recognise grian's needs as having wings and can say that they haven't been taken care of and are probably uncomfy but grians so wallowed in his self hatred and refuses to allow himself fundamental upkeep

+ TANGO VOICE IS DELICIOUS

"Grian hesitates. It's somehow both sooner and later than he'd thought he'd have, but… he can make it work. He has to." gODSS he doesnt want to go quite yet because hes suddenly reconnected with these people he lost and it would've been so much easier if he had never reconnected with them in the first place but its so hard to want to die and then be faced with death because all of a sudden you're thinking about that cake you'll never get to bake and wishing death came before you thought of baking a cake

+ tango is our like relief character ig? he doesnt bring all the same weight and its so amazing because a) i love tango b) hes able to be lighthearted and joke and hope and its so necessary with everyone else drowning (even if no one can really tell scar is falling apart)

"Despite the distance and heartbreak between them, Grian knows how the hermits work." MAN. the way he can tell where people have walked and what theyve done, its such a cool mechanic + i giggled a bit knowing Scar made the doorknobs of copper he has a very healthy diet of it /silly

"Tango gives him another one of those long, appraising looks. Then, before Grian can unclench his jaw to ask, Tango pulls back altogether, bringing his other hand up to twist the cork. It frees from the bottle's mouth with a musical plop, and without the faintest twitch in expression, Tango smoothly offers it out again." THIS!! its sad because in a way you know tango hoped grian would be able to open the bottle himself at some point but its also sweet because hes willing to help and take care of grian until that comes

+ grian relishing in the loneliness. sometimes it is just such a privelige to let yourself be sad or lonely for a bit. dont know why

as always its been an absolute treat to read your writing!! boy this is a long one.. thanks for feeding us :P

-🍁

I cannot come up with a coherent response to this rn but !!!!! Please know i am so 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ abt this omg!!! This is so sweet and i love love love seeing analysis of my writing it just makes me so excited to see what you guys pick up from it :] this made my night omg thank u

[sadpurpleblood]

Selam,

I'm writing to you regarding my previous ask and wanting to say that Andalusian Spanish deserves a fuckton of love. I may not know all the subtleties, but I approve of your love to the s-aspiration, although my own favourite will forever stay the phenomenon known as "ceceo" and the reasons for this make me wonder whether you had an obsession with any sound that doesn't exist in your native language as a child (perhaps it is a way-too-specific question, but oh well). And, well, I wish less people fell victims of

And if that particular part of my previous ask wasn't seen as intrusive, then... well, I must simply say that your feelings are valid, but I hope it'll get better for you at some point. After all, you do seem like someone who was destined to get peaches for free and laying on a beach without anything daring to bother you!

hello again!!

youre very right, and ceceo is definitely a very cool feature as well! the coronal fricatives are definitely a very dialect-dependent bunch, its fun how much variation there can be!

i dont think i had any sound i obsessed over as a kid that doesnt exist in my native language. maybe t͡ɬ and ʕ but that was only after i discovered the ipa, and i wouldnt count myself as a kid at that age (though im sure thatll change once im a few years older)

thanks for the kind wishes! and i do remember the peaches. that still hasnt happened yet but im not giving up heheh.

[snailgrls]

can you elaborate on the sandwich analogy?

okay so im drunk. warning if i dont make sense of if im insensitive or if i make typos (sorry)

but i guess i get annoyed by the extreme idealization of violent acts when in my experience (as the victim btw) it has felt empty. nothing grandiose like a virgins first time. its just a depressing mechanical act like making yourself a sad lonely sandwich.

i guess, sure, with sadistic killers they get off of it. but the idea of "how does it feel to kill someone hehehe" just annoys me. youre mechanically doing something for your own benefit like making a sad soggy sandwich to satiate your hunger. i figure, since violence against your own kin has always been present since forever, it doesnt bring personal enlightmentment to a new sensation. the new "sensation" that is percieved to be felt is only present if youre a true sadist. you get off to it. which is a different discussion in its entirety.

but the act, is depraved, it smells, it floods your physical senses (i suppose. in terms of smell and texture and sight) but theres no magical physical spirituality hidden in killing someone. if youve had sex without being turned on i guess you can approximate your senses to what im trying to get here (i had sex this way, it was mechanical towards a "common" end goal which was climax. the end of the act. the death of someone that ends the act of killing. etc)

violence has always existed amongsnt each other, and i think the entire "fake deep" layers people add to it blinds us from the actual reasonsings that brings a human to kill another human (poverty, systems that motivate violence, etc. violence exists and it isnt a portal to higher spirituality.) if you hit rock bottom and has to kill to survive, in my best uneducated guess, it feels like making yourself a soggy sad sandwich. you waste physical energy in the making of it, cutting the bread, stacking the ingredients, putting the sauce etc, but youre doing it for your own surivival. so you dont stave

ig this is all to say i think the way most people talk about homicide is corny, and is blinded to the way real violence works ig. feel free to tell me if im saying incoherent bullshit (since im drunk) but this is something ive thought about for a while!! not saying its a developed line of thought ofc but... u know.. feel free to call me out on my bullshit

so thats why i make the sandwich analogy. you cut, you stack ingredients, you eat. you have to kill someone? you do certain acts and gestures to kill them and then its done. there is not higher enlightment waiting for you when you end the life of your kin. much like food, or any other activity you do to survive (or even in your daily life)

[vivaladicamillo]

Dude! I need a smutty and fluffy Headcannon of Ryan taking care of the reader who is his girlfriend and a female cast mate while she’s drunk as hell while out with the guys

RYAN DUNN TAKING CARE OF A DRUNK!READER

ive been super duper sick these past days and now that i actually have free time i can write abt ryan !!!!! i love him literally so much thank u for requesting this!!!

WARNINGS: talks of alcohol, drunk sex, and cursing

———————————————————

SFW:

ok so yall are out with the guys

yall prob go to some cheap ass bar just to drink yk

turns out you had a little too many

nah a little is a understatement

u were stumbling, slurring and obviously wasted

ryan takes notice of this right away

bam starts picking on u and yk, being bam

“u cant hold ur alcohol for shit y/n”

ryan has to get him to stop so he can take u home

ryan would take u home ( or carry bc u literally cant stand up )

he finds out ur a very touchy person when ur drunk

not jn a weird way tho

just hugging and rambling abt how cool ryan is and how hes the best

even though ur literally talking to ryan

he thinks its cute

“nonono u don understand, dunn is literally the BEST person like ever to exist~”. “trust me y/n i understand” he says through a chuckle

will either go through ur draws to find you something to wear to sleep if ur at ur home or give u some on his old boxers and a old le tigre band tee he has

lets u go get changed (if u can) if not he will help u

he just wants u to he safe and comfortable

he will tuck u into bed and put medicine and a glass of water next to ur bedside just bc he knows ur gonna be FUCKEDD in the morning

will sleep on the couch even if its ur house just so he knows ur ok in the morning and don’t accidentally choke on ur vomit or something like that

hes definitely a over thinker when it comes to that stuff

NSFW:

ok different scene here

yall end up going to ryans hpuse just to hang and watch a movie or something

ofc u guys had some drinks

and ofc yall end up getting wasted

at this point in the night the movie is long over

u guys are just cracking jokes and laughing and just talking

he probably ends up accidentally confessing first

“ heheh, you know y/n ur like the most perfect person ever.” “ryyyyy stawppp thats not truee” “absolutely it is, everything about u is perfect, ur personality, ur looks, ur humor..”

god he will go on and on abt how ur perfect and how he really does love u

“well y/n.. i’ve actually liked u fooooorr quite some time now ive just had zero confidence to tell you” he says slurring

ur kinda taken aback

ryan mother fucking dunn

LIKES U??

the kid who u have liked since highschool LIKES U??

u admit that u have had a mega crush on him for a while now

but he honestly wasnt even paying attention to ur speech

hes just admiring you

and ur lips

mostly ur lips

“y/n,, can i kiss u right now?”

you two end up making out on his couch

then he carries u to the bedroom

i personally think ryan is sweet as can be during sex sober but drunk ryan is A WHOLE NEW LEVEL

hes just a wreck when it comes to u

he would literally do anything for u

lots and lots of grabbing and touching

he just wants to stay like this with u forever

sloppy kisses is a must

also A LOT OF PRAISE

i feel like when hes drunk though he just fucks faster yk?

he goes as a faster pace then he normally would

he also probably doesnt last as long as he usually does

u just feel so good how could he resist

cums on ur stomach or in a condom if hes wearing one.

is probably gonna pick uo a random old shirt on the ground and clean u up with it

HES A STINKY GUY WHAT DID U EXPECT??

after that, u will be stuck in a bear hug the rest of the night

lots of forehead and cheek kisses too

the next morning yall honestly don’t remember the night before

so waking up in ryans arms is a bit of a surprise at first

but when he wakes up and smiles at you

you feel happy

you finally got him, the guy u always wanted, and it only took some liquid courage to do so

———————————————————

hopefully i did think correctly and right 🙏 making more ryan hcs soon

[yuukei-yikes]

Which is better? Hs harutaka or POST STR harutaka?

why is this written in a funny font. am i the only one seeing the font. i feel so intimidated. like damn bro ill answer put the gun down

anyways neither of them is better or worse i ❤️ both. One cannot exist without the other. both are good they're just a little different dynamics 🙏🙏🙏 like one is awkward cringe teenager crush and the other is married era. you know. how do u compare. like both are good?? its just in one theyre younger and in the other theyre older (= yet to be traumatized vs traumatized)

personally i do like seeing post str content a little more just because ITS THE HAPPY ENDING YKNOW..and its haruka&takane finding their way back to each other after everything and i i i i i *descent into madness* also i think there's generally a lot more fan content set in the hs days so i sigh longingly abt post str content everyday. but cringy hs harutaka has to exist to give place to cringy older harutaka you know!! they can be like oh my gooood our ocs. we were so cringe. anyways our wedding rings should say player 1 and player 2. that is so not cringe like we used to be :333 like theyre still very much cringe you know. but they think they arent. they're like we're GROWN now we aren't LIKE THAT anyway asterisks nuzzles&kisses asterisks... :3 xddddd!!! because they compare to how they used to be and the bar is low and also theyre so happy that theyre together that they kinda. cant see how fucking embarrassing they are. thats what live shintaro reaction is good for 🙏

like im sorry im all for blushing mess takane and stuff like yeahyeahyeah i get it but girl.... i hate when ppl make it like she totally reverts back to how she used to be. like u cannotttt miss the point so badly. takane never thought she'd see haruka again her ass IS NOT wasting her chance being that embarrassed now. that's a huge pet peeve i have with fan content like both in hs/str settings where takane can't behave like a normal person around haruka like that's SOOOO untrue. they're best friends she's totally normal to him even if she gets silly sometimes. like there are so many examples but my favorite is in the sixth novel when takane calls haruka on the phone and she's kinda like OMGGG IF U WERENT BUSY ID TOOOTALLY WOULD'VE TAKEN U SOMEWHERE YOU WOULD'VE LOOOOVED... and haruka's like UM HEHE next time ok!! and takanes like NOT GONNA HAPPENNNN❤️❤️❤️ stupid fucking cringe ass flirting sorry like. sorry. not only is she able to speak normally but she cringely flirts with him. and when ppl make it like she can't speak while around him or is just grumpy 1000% of the time it makes me sick. LIKE haruka describes her as easily excitable and like a gentle girl and i ugh *BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE* SHE'S SO INSANELY MISUNDERSTOOD BC PEOPLE WANNA PUT HER IN THE TSUNDERE BOX SO BAD

also COME ON what i love abt her is that as soon as she figures out she likes him she makes a run for it and despite she's terrified she wants to tell him?? and none of her thoughts are abt OHH BUT WHAT IF HE DOESNT LIKE ME BACK like TAKANE NEVER EVER wonders if haruka likes her back once she figures it out. only ayano's lesbian ass says anything abt haruka reciprocating or not. she's not worried abt being rejected... or she dies before she could worry LMAOOOO but she's just terrified she cannot tell him how much he means to her. and then she really CANT tell him, and she has to live with that regret for what she thinks is gonna be forever, but then she DOES see him again. she IS able to tell him. sorry. she would be so insanely cringely embarrassingly happy that she doesnt give a fuck abt being all blushing COME ON. ofc she would get embarrassed but no more or less than haruka lol. and haruka is like WHAA??? MEEEE??? NO WAY....MEEEE??? OMG...HEHE... WAIT MEEEE??? FOR REALLLL??? HEHEH....WAIT LIKE MEEEE!?!?!?!?! the sillies *goes crazy* theyre so cringe and gross kissing together but good for them

and i KNOW how in their chapter together in the eighth novel takane's kinda grumpy but listen. i will defend her here. they LOST. novel route is not a good ending. and takane HATES LOSING‼️‼️‼️ haruka literally comments it, like he says takane hates losing. like am i forever mad jin robbed us of seeing them actually reunite and we only get a short as hell little moment between them that compared to everyone else's moments feels slapped on last minute? yeah a little. is it still well written and a rly solid harutaka moment? yes🙏 like not only the bit abt haruka saying he loved takane's snippy attitude but also ene's high energy and etcetc but like. ausnfknxoenxkeix GOD i love at the end when takane smirks and then haruka thinks abt how easily influenced he's always been by her and also smirks and theyre just kinda smirking to each other like HEH HEH HEH.. YEAH NEXT TIME WE WILL WIN. fuckingidiots smiling like that ABOUT THE FACT THEIR REALITY IS ABOUT TO BE RESET AND ESSENTIALLY ARE ABOUT TO DIE ONLY TO MEET AGAIN NEXT TIME AND GO THROUGH EVERYTHING AGAIN. BUT THEIR ASSES ARE LIKE >:3!! LITERALLY SO SILLY. sorry. i love them. i excuse takane grumpiness for this reason like it was NOT an ideal happy ending so ofc she wasn't super into it 💔

AND ANYWAYS IM PROVEN RIGHT BY LOST DAY HOUR MANGA *KISSES AND TUCKS IT IN BED* LOST DAY HOUR MANGA💞💘💖💕💝💝💗 TAKANE'S SO CHEERFUL IN IT🥺🥺🥺 AND IVE ALWAYS KNOWN. IVE ALWAYS SAID IT. AND THEN THAT CAME OUT AND I WAS PROVEN RIGHT. NEVER FUCKING DOUBT ME

i need to explode. or whatever. My dumbass thinking this was gonna be a short reply

[vaas]

OH you should do the speech ones for heheh :)c all of them. also 37

>:3c

31. What does your OC sound like? What is the tone of their voice, their cadence, and their vocabulary; are they particularly profane or eloquent? Are they funny, and if so, what’s their sense of humor? Are they long-winded or do they speak little, and if it’s the latter, is that only because they’re concise or is it because they have genuine trouble speaking?

coeur: very heavily, messily accented. her first two languages were vault dweller patois and socal wasteland spanish. her english is Good like her vocabulary and diction are well developed shes very eloquent but she thinks in french and spanish forever and always. sounds kind of like marion cotillard. shes rarely funny on purpose but she loves to hear what other people have to say and laugh at their jokes. as the new king of vegas she will occasionally make longer speeches to the wider public but prefers to just have normal, personal conversations with people in small groups or 1on1

liu: boneyard surfer accent. refuses to say cowabunga on ethical grounds but does call people dude like a lot. like a lot a lot. her voice is very soft and quiet. she rarely swears unless shes very emotional which happens like once a year. Not Funny. Didnt Laugh. she speaks as little as possible to everyone except for her adopted super mutant family in jacobstown. this is out of lack of respect for most peoples thoughts and opinions.

cassie: her vocabulary is large, her diction is well developed, her eloquence is notable and she uses NONE of it. she doesnt want to. the wasteland has freed her from societal expectations of "coherency" and "politeness" and she is LOVING it. also swearing. fresh out of the vault she swears like a sailor just cus she can but even after it loses its novelty and she calms down she still does cuss a lot even by wasteland standards. her general style of speech is very chirpy and excitable but also prone to rambling. a lot of people find her excruciatingly annoying but the few that dont think shes either adorable or insane. everybody is correct. shes funny, but rarely on purpose. her jokes are absurd and usually only comprehensible to Her alone or someone who spends like a lot of time with her. that still doesnt make them funny but she doesnt give a shit. you gotta roll with the absurdity of her very existence

cassiopeia: the default female player voice is pretty close, but if it was a heavy smoker (she is a heavy smoker). charismatic in the way that ashur from the pitt and caesar are charismatic: warlords making foul promises. eloquent if she wants to be. profane if she wants to be. surprisingly, bleakly funny. dark jokes that come out of nowhere and make one double take that they even heard it. prefers as concise speech as possible, detests wasted time.

ghost: often mistaken for a ghoul when one cant see that she isnt; voice fucking Shredded. ravaged. vocal chords all fucked up. when filtered through the gas mask shes usually wearing her voice is very muffled, raspy, and quiet. taking the mask off doesnt help much, if anything she talks even quieter and more mumbly. ghost is afraid of speaking. she is afraid of other people almost all the time. as one can imagine, this isnt super conducive to jokes, or verbosity. with the mask on, her abruptness is often misconstrued as rudeness, but with the mask off its really obvious that shes just utterly mortified to even be there.

33. What is something that could be said to your character that would be unforgivable, either by someone in general or by someone specific? How would they respond?

coeur: anything that threatens harm to a child, or supports enslavement. she will kill you for either without hesitation

liu: literally nothing. liu doesnt have any feelings left that can be hurt. (pretty much the only people she has anything like respect or affection for are the super mutants in jacobstown who have functionally adopted her as their horrible little sister, and Ulysses. if they rejected her it would absolutely break whats left of her heart, but the specifics of what they could say dont really matter)

cassie: very similar to liu in that she could not physically give less of a shit about what some random on the street thinks of her or the world at large. all that being said if someone who knew her family brings up their deaths either as a rhetorical strategy or to insult her she will snap and try to kill them immediately but the list of people who Could do that is short so shes generally pretty safe

cassiopeia: dont fucking bring up her husband or her son. good outcome: she just leaves and never speaks to you again. bad outcome: you are fed to a pack of rabid dogs by the polycule.

ghost: oh my god. shes like a kicked puppy when it comes to insulting her. she takes all of it super personally and assumes its her fault. really just being a slaver/raider/abuser is where she draws the line and she will probably attack for that, but on an individual level you can say literally anything to her

32. Is your character a good liar, or can they manipulate people well? Are they able to conceal what they mean or what they’re feeling, or are they an open book whether they mean to be or not?

coeur: fantastic liar and manipulator; hates it sooooooooo much. will always rather tell the truth and proceed on trust/good faith but she can and well if she has to. she can control herself outwardly very well but her breaking point is the suffering of other people, at which point her rage and grief wells up out of her and registers as pain on her face and in her voice

liu: rarely has cause to actually lie about anything, because she rarely has cause to manipulate anyone for any reason. shes gigantic, unkillable, emotionless and straightforward. everything she wants, she takes or abandons.

cassie: HORRIBLE liar and terrible manipulator. open book at all times no matter what. her only saving grace is her inherent weirdness; the double bluff of 'is she fucking with me on purpose or is that her face?' to sow doubt. people who think shes insane are usually kind of afraid of her so they just do what she says regardless.

cassiopeia: liar. manipulative. to everyone. about everything. because she wants something; because she can. excellent at concealing her emotions and tells. can be a brick wall if she wants.

ghost: can kind of lie with the mask on, but wont even try with it off. to a degree shes an open book but the only emotion that really registers is Turmoil and honestly it could be about anything. mask is a built in blank wall she relies on A Lot

37. How good is your character with their hands or fingers? Do they have a light, gentle touch, or are they hard or uncoordinated? Does your character have any dexterous talents?

coeur: excellent pickpocket. great at hand stuff. would make a good pianist if she bothered to learn but for the moment is content with fingering her suite of paramours. a more than competent seamstress (makes and maintains almost everything she wears and has since her mama taught her to sew) but very few people actually learn that

liu: big giant super mutant hands. really excellent engineer and mechanic but cannot modulate for skin to skin contact well at All. fists like sledgehammers. beware the sex stuff

cassie: little sneak thief. long pointy fingies. good at stealing and picking locks; tossup at hands stuff; competent triage surgeon. poke poke.

cassiopeia: lockpick, but not pickpocket. dislikes touching people. moderately dexterous but not more than the average person. likes to fuck around with gear mods but thats not the same as being Good at it.

ghost: real clammy. real awkward. excellent at picking locks and pockets alike, but her handshake is just awful. talented carver of bone and wood both; creates her own religious effigies and fetishes. fair talent at makeup artistry provided one wants really elaborate face paint in a clown like persuasion. or maybe beijing opera. also a melee and unarmed specialist. honestly underestimated in the tactile talents by both outside parties and herself

[inkykeiji]

Clareh babeh can i just-your bmb work omg *chef's kiss* such a masterpiece. I binge read the whole series til 3 am til my eyes were watery, it simultaneously gave me life and took it away when i finished reading it :( i can't wait for pt 4. Til then i will remain lifeless.

P.s i never even once read any tomura work until i stumbled upon yours tbh i started reading it cus i'm such a simp for dabi 🤤 needless to say you took my breath away 🥰

P.p.s i'm in love with your touya-nii series too like goddamn, i feel so immersed in your writing whenever i read it too bad he doesnt exist :(( but then i live for the 2d man supremacy--DABI SUPREMACY

P.p.p.s can i swim i dabi's crystal blue eyes and live there forever tho, he can lock me up and i wont complain

P.p.p.p.s i luph you and you keep doing you! 💖 i hope i could read more of your works for a looooong period of time, no pressure tho! As long as you enjoy doing what you do, i'll be happy for you. Stay healthy and hydrated!! Oh and i have your notifications on so i'm up to date, and i'm 20 yo so i'm not a minor :) 💖💖💖

- 💎 (can't find a crystal soo i'll make do with what i can)

hello!!!!! AH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

<333 oh my gosh anon bb please take care of yourself!!!! :((( i’m so so so flattered and thankful that you enjoyed it that much hehehe but your health + comfort comes first omg!! <33

OH NO WAY!!! aaaah that’s so cuteeeee!!! 🥺🥺🥺 ehehe aw thank you again!!! YES 2D MAN SUPREMACY!!!! LMAO pls anon ily too!!! so much!! i really appreciate your message so so so much <33 it made me giggle n made me feel all warm <3 aw thank you anon that’s such a lovely sentiment 🥺 i love writing with my whole heart! more than anything!! so i plan to continue doing it until i physically cannot anymore!!! <333 yes yes, you too!!!! MY NOTIFICATIONS oh gosh i’m so sorry if i spam you :(also thank you very much for that, i appreciate it!! <33

[skyphobe]

skyphile

do you ever feel like. you've been successfully running from something for so long, but then. when you stop for a second to take a breath, it suddenly crashes back at you, like it was just there the whole time and you didn't really do a lot of progress of getting ahead after all?

morbidkind

yeah whats on your mind baby

skyphile

i just want to feel permanent again.

morbidkind

what do you mean??

skyphile

i hate looking at myself so much, it's like. it's a trick of the mind, like. it's not true, it can't be. the real me is still stuck somewhere, almost down to the skeleton and i'm dreaming all this up. and looking at myself is like. this taunt. yes, you Could have this, but you won't!! you put so much effort into being this, hell on good days you really believe you ARE this, but people aren't fooled and sooner or later they'll know. from the hole in your chest and all the other little marks. i'm grossly flawed at every corner. they'll see the skeleton boy again and know that's the real john and they'll leave, and who can blame them?? what did the old me ever do for anyone. nothing, that's what.

i wish. i didn't have to hide under a mask to feel like i look ok. like i deserve to be, talked to or loved. like i'm permanent.

i'm sorry i'm just unloading all this on you, god. i'm so happy you reached out when you did, in the way that is so you, i'm so blessed you exist in my life. i woke up to this?? gross gross feeling and i was talking myself into chickening out of addressing it, but sometimes it feels like you Can see right through me and i'm honestly in awe of how you still. put up with this and. you're just a blessing through and through.

morbidkind

oh john... you have made so much progress i see it every time i look at you thinking things like this doesnt negate how far youve come i know i havent been by your side for your whole journey but god i wish i had been to hold your hand and help you in any way i could but im here now and i want to help you see just how incredibly wonderful you are every time i look at you i see the most beautiful person ive ever known inside and out and im awestruck youre radiant and it pours from you from every angle with every kind gesture and tender word the real you is here with me right now and im holding his hand and i love him so much its beyond words and makes me all choked up just thinking about it youre permanent in my life and i dont know what id do without you im never going to leave you as long as youll have me

you dont have to apologize for anything ive been worried about you yknow??

skyphile

i'm overwhelmed at every turn at how much i love you. it was worth surviving every single thing knowing it led me to you and i'm just. i don't know what i'd do without this now. i don't ever Want to find out. i never not want to make you grossly envy-making gloriously happy and. you make it so natural to remember i can. no bullshit, just us.

morbidkind

youre beautiful yknow everything about youi really want to help you believe it too and ill do everything i can to be by your side every step of the way

skyphile

like fuck, i'm just. floored with how beautiful you are and every time you say something at me i'm literally. god i Must have done something Very right or sucked some potent RNG dick to be here, and i won't. ever take it for granted or let go.

morbidkind

you always deserve the love you receive john every last bit of it

skyphile

i'm sorry i worried you. have i been that transparent??

morbidkind

i know how it feels to doubt these things but ill always be here to remind you

no i think youve gotten quite good at hiding it

but i had a feeling something was wrong

ive been meaning to say something but i just didnt really know how to approach you about it i guess

im sorry youve been ruminating in this for so long...

skyphile

yeah... i think it's the one nail driven into my head that's just. taking so long to get out. it's frustrating. and it's easy to just believe it'll stay there forever and i'll have to keep walking around bleeding out like this.

morbidkind

i understand

skyphile

but i don't. want to hide. and i especially don't want to hide anything from you, no matter how bad or ingrained and. you make me believe in healing wounds. and big hello kitty band aids with kisses planted on them.

and everything feels better and manageable because you exist and i want to be all this for you right back.and i wanna. work hard to let go of the mask because these arms feel realest wound around you like this.

morbidkind

im always gonna be here with you and well work together through every last string on that mask youve tied so tight and when it falls away ill be there to show that it was you all along and youre just as beautiful as youve always been full of warmth and love and radiance abound

skyphile

i love you and i am endlessly thankful for everything you do. all the effort you put into looking after me. you're like a dream, except you Are real and. this is the real i want and will always cherish.thank you, sweetest...

morbidkind

i love you

skyphile

s sbhshs it feels surreal to be complimented like that by you. you're all that and more. no matter what i don't think you will ever stop making me blush for one.

but... i'll welcome every other change. i love you.

morbidkind

<3

skyphile

huffs.💙

morbidkind

gonna kiss you silly now how about that

skyphile

i heard something about having me covered and be- YES.

morbidkind

hahaha

skyphile

THANK GOD, THE ONLY TRUE GOOD ENDING.

morbidkind

youre a fucking loser

skyphile

we're one track minds, you and i.

morbidkind

same thought strikes again

skyphile

hehehe. still feel like a winner every time those hands touch mine, though. 💙 get ready because this beefy mattress kisses back and he has So Much to thank and spoil you for.

morbidkind

xoxo

skyphile

😚😚😚😚😚