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[iosappdevelopmenttools]

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[restlessmaknae]

love 119 // anton

You and Anton are an unlikely combo. He's a professional swimmer, and you write for the school magazine. One interview with him leads to a series of consequences including asking him to prepare you for the school's swimming competition, and ultimately, falling in love with him.

➳ Characters: swimmer!Anton x school magazine writer!female reader/you

➳ Genre: high school au, boarding school au, rich kids au, comedy, fluff

➳ Words: 7.2k

➳ Warning: mentions of food, reader feels insecure about being 'average' at school, they are both down bad but oblivious until the very end

➳ A/N: This story is part of my KOZ International High series, but can totally be read on its own as it's Anton's own story.

Attending KOZ International High was like watching those movies where they send a misbehaved child to a boarding school in a different country, only for her to experience many culture shocks alongside many unfortunate events that come with living on her own for the very first time. Except that you weren’t a misbehaved child, just a girl whose parents had the money to send her abroad, and a good enough student to actually make it.

Freshman year was living hell for you. You were away from your home, your friends, and even your cute little dog. There was no one else in your whole year who came from your country, so you couldn’t befriend them on your very first day when you heard their name, unlike Heidi and Frida who both came from Germany. You had a national swimming champion, a Youtuber, an app developer, a worldwide known pianist and even a chess champion at your school alongside many students who had won different competitions in many different subjects.

Going from being the top of your class back in your home country to being an average student here - because average here still meant you performed constantly above 85% in all subjects - was rough. Being away from the familiar, your safe spaces and cosy spots and from all the people you knew at the ripe age of 15 was also rough. You felt like you had existential crises for the first few months every single day, and you didn’t know what happened or what day it was, but you just calmed down after a while.

Afterwards, you decided to take advantage of being at this school, and just enjoy the perks it had. You went to the on-site gym, you joined conversations in the communal kitchen of the student hall, you befriended one of your classmates - Dew from Thailand who was an impossibly tall yet shy guy - and you applied for the school magazine at the end of freshman year, and successfully got in.

So from sophomore year, you were a part of the school magazine team that published articles online about students, their achievements, school events but also local news, programmes and initiatives. You didn’t have to stick to just one section, but Minju and Yunah liked writing about local news, so it was kind of like their topic now. At first, you only wrote about school events, but then, you had the opportunity to conduct an interview with Anton Lee from the other class who was in the national swimming team.

However, since he was not from your class, you didn’t really know him or what he looked like, but you didn’t want to be a stalker and message him on social media (though for that to happen, you needed his ID first, and no Anton Lee on Instagram looked like it could be a 16-year-old swimming champion). So you tried your luck in the sports centre which had two giant swimming pools, and as far as you were informed (by Andrew who was on good terms with the guys from the other class), Anton usually practiced here after classes, even on weekends.

What you didn’t expect was to see five different guys and two more girls taking advantage of the swimming pool when you walked into the place in your flip-flops (no outside shoes were allowed). How the hell were you supposed to find Anton? You thought that it would be just him on this fine weekend, but alas, maybe you were the only one who didn’t like swimming that much.

You stood there, totally out of place, until one of the boys emerged from the water, and you decided to walk up to him. Or more like waddle up to him like a penguin, trying not to slip and fall into the water, especially when you saw how defined his abs were. Even though you had swimming classes in freshman year, so you saw boys in their swimwear, you definitely didn’t prepare yourself for this…

“Hi!” You gave him a little wave with your hand, gaining his attention. “Sorry to bother you, but have you happened to see Anton today?” You tried with a friendly smile, but the boy just stood there in front of you, not saying a word. It was difficult to decipher how he was feeling because he was wearing dark-coloured swim goggles, so you couldn’t see his eyes even if he was rolling them at you or not. “Anton Lee?” You tried again in case he didn’t know whom you meant.

You started to feel very weird at this point, but then, the boy got rid of his cap and his goggles, revealing a soft set of eyes and a somewhat confused expression.

“I’m Anton,” he broke it down to you in a soft voice, and you gasped a bit. Oh… so that explained the defined abs part. Right, a national swimming champion could have that.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know what you look like,” you explained with a bit of an awkward giggle. Anton’s lips curled into a polite smile, but you could feel that it was a bit forced. Oh right, you should say why you were there!

“I’m Y/N, I write for the school magazine, and we want to interview you for next month’s installment. Would you be up for it?”

The boy looked back at you as if he had never been asked to give an interview even though you were sure that he had given dozens of interviews. At least, that’s what you could imagine with him being on the national team.

“Uhmm… sure,” he half-said, half-asked at this point, and you weren’t sure whether it was out of politeness or not, but you were thankful that he didn’t send you away.

“Cool,” you nodded excitedly, giving him a wide smile. He just looked back at you, and you realised that he had no phone on him, so you couldn’t ask him to exchange contacts. Ah, you should have thought it through before marching up here and asking him if he wanted to do an interview. “I’ll contact you with the details. I’ll come by your classroom… or something like that.

“Okay,” he nodded, water dripping down from his hair.

Since there was no coach around, he must have been practising alone, and you applauded his dedication. You had never stuck with any sport for a long enough time to call it anything serious, and now, you just went to the gym and joined the cardio classes that the school organised, but sometimes even those seemed like a waste of time. You couldn’t imagine how anyone would go through years doing the same sport, building up their performance, but here was a living proof in front of you whose chest you tried so hard to not glance at. Not just because you would be embarrassed but because you had a feeling that he would be, too.

“Okay. I won’t keep you up any longer. Thanks for your time! See you around, I guess,” you blurted out in one-go, and turned around to walk away from him. You were halfway towards the door when you almost slipped, but managed to recover without falling headfirst and making an even bigger fool out of yourself.

Gosh, what a way to make a first impression!

To be very honest, sophomore year went by in a blink of an eye now that the world (or at least the campus) opened up for you a little bit more than before.

You wrote articles for the school magazine, hang out with Dew on campus or off-campus (asking for your parents’ permission, of course, as it was mandatory for underage students when leaving school grounds), kept your friends from home up-to-date with everything that was going on in your life, focused on your studies but also tried out a few activities to see what you actually enjoyed. You even took part in an English Literature competition as well, but didn’t make it to the finals, so there’s that. Your interview with Anton became the article with the most views during the whole school year, so you got a cute little pin by the other members of the school magazine.

When junior year rolled by, the school was in a frenzy because it was about to organise a national swimming competition for the first time in the school’s history. Most students had to take part in the organisation one way or another like printing out timetables, decorating the sports centre, welcoming guests and competitors alike and directing them in the right direction of the campus, or distributing the competition’s merchandise at stalls. The swim meets would be held over the weekend, but due to the preparations, the Friday before was a short school day with classes only until 1pm. Thankfully, since the school magazine was to cover the whole event, you didn’t need to take on more work, you just needed to be there, take pictures and interview people.

You, specifically, had been assigned to interview Anton yet again, but after last time, you had his KKT ID, so you could ask him about the details. You asked him a few questions the day before the competition, and when you inquired if his parents would come to see him, you were a bit surprised to find out that they still lived in New Jersey. Not that you knew his whole bio, but for your first interview, you had gotten to know that his parents were both Korean, but moved to the States before he was born. You assumed that they came back to Korea with him, but it seemed that it wasn’t the case, and for some reason, you found it quite disheartening.

So much that when you were sitting in the spectator area, waiting for the boy and his opponents to walk into the arena for the final heat (because Anton, of course, made it to the finals), you turned to Sullyoon who came to take pictures with you for the school magazine, and asked her:

“Is it okay if I take a video of Anton while you take pictures?”

The girl looked a bit perplexed for a moment, probably not knowing why you suddenly changed your mind. However, she wasn’t one who was too interested in others’ business, so she nodded a few seconds later.

“Sure. It’s fine with me.”

“Thanks,” you beamed, smiling to yourself as you turned back just in time to see the boy walk up to his lane accompanied by his coach. He got rid of his jacket by his chair, exchanged a few words with his couch, and started warming up.

It wasn’t the first time you had seen him swim that day, but somehow, because it was the finals, you felt more nervous. You were aware that he was really good, but still… He seemed calm though, but coming to think of it, he usually seemed calm albeit a bit too shy for someone who was considered famous and popular at school. Sure, the members of the school’s first and only band - consisting of Taesan, Yechan, Gyuvin and Jungwon - were probably the most popular boys in your year, but before they rose to the school-level stardom, Anton was probably the most popular one in your year.

Not that you cared too much about popularity, and he didn’t seem to do so either, he was too busy practising. Though he did practise at school too, he had his coach-led sessions outside of the school, so after classes, he was often seen leaving school grounds, only coming back later at night. You sometimes caught sight of him in the corridor at the student hall, but you didn’t interact a lot, just a few hellos here and a few good nights there. Since he wasn’t in your class, sometimes you wondered if he was as shy around his classmates as he was around you, or maybe it was just because you were a girl.

“Y/N, aren’t you recording?” Sullyoon’s voice brought you back to reality, and you hastily murmured a ‘thanks’ before averting your eyes to the swimming pool where the boy already stood on his block, getting into position.

You unlocked your phone, and turned it horizontally to get the whole view of the pool. Then, you pushed the red button a few seconds before the starting signal was given, and off they went. It was an individual freestyle heat, and it didn’t even take a minute to finish, but it felt so long because you were watching him so intensively, your eyes following him in his lane. He wasn’t in the lead at first, but when he turned around, he quickly diminished the distance between him and the top two swimmers.

“That’s it,” you mumbled under your breath. It was silly, you knew, he couldn’t hear you after all, but it didn’t mean that you didn’t cheer for him loudly when he came in first place.

The arena erupted in loud cheers and applause as everyone was happy to see one of the students win in his category. However, since the girls’ final was still left, you couldn’t move from your place to ask him about his experience. For the school magazine, of course, nothing else.

After the competition came to an end, there was a 30-minute break before the start of the winning ceremony which would be held in the event hall a few minutes away from the sports centre. So you took that time to seek out Anton after checking with him through Kakaotalk that he was free and willing to answer a few of your questions.

The boy’s hair was still half wet when you met him on a bench halfway between the canteen and the student halls. The hustle bustle of the event didn’t reach this side of the campus, but it was still close enough, so he wouldn’t miss the ceremony.

“Hey!” You beamed when you saw him sitting there by himself, his eyes fixated on his phone. He changed into sweatpants and a loose tee, but he still wore his flip-flops. You couldn’t tell whether it was because he forgot to change or because he liked it that way.

“Hi!” Anton greeted you back as he looked up, his lips curling into a half-smile. You could tell that he was tired, but you only had a few questions, so you wouldn’t keep him up too long.

“Congratulations! You did really well. I was truly impressed how you went from third to first place in a matter of seconds,” you shared excitedly, but he just let out a shy little giggle.

“Well… thanks,” he mentioned as he scratched the back of his neck. You just smiled at each other awkwardly until you pulled out your notebook and started asking the questions from him, recording everything on your phone. It was a mere three minutes, so it didn’t take long, but before you would let him go his way, you sent him the video of the finals.

“I’ve taken it, so your parents could see it,” you justified when he just looked back at you with wide, curious eyes. He looked at you as if he couldn’t decipher why you would do such a thing for him even though you thought it wasn’t a big deal. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and when he opened it again, his voice was even softer than usual.

“Thanks. That’s… that’s very kind of you,” he admitted, his words uncertain but genuine.

“Anytime,” you shot him a friendly smile before getting to your feet and bidding goodbye. You had to go back to fetch Sullyoon either way.

Your interview with Anton - compiling questions for him before and after his win at the competition - became the article with the most views again, something that you didn’t fail to share with him when it was announced. You couldn’t say that you were friends as per se, but you did ask how his practice went when you bumped into him at the student hall later at night, and he did ask you about how you had been when you met each other by accident in the school corridor. You knew he already had a lot on his plate, so you didn’t seek out his company more than it was necessary, but you still sent stuff his way when something reminded you of him.

However, that did change when senior year rolled by. With the third week of the new term starting came the announcement of the random draw for the annual sports day. KOZ International High’s sports day was your school’s version of ISAC, and even though you were all coming from influential families and all the students had probably enough money to attend the Olympics games in the VIP section, no one complained about the event. In fact, it was all the school magazine and school radio could talk about for weeks, and everyone tried to put effort into practising for their own games to not lose face.

Each year, all the classes participated in four different categories - mixed 4x100 m relay, archery, swimming and dance -, going up against one another within each year. The only category that allowed students to sign up for was dance as only groups could participate, and they needed to be formed in time to seem somewhat professional. Each year, this was the competition everyone was looking forward to the most since usually professional dancers signed up - like Baekseung, Minwoo and Haruto who always won the dance category in your year. For all the other categories, there was a random draw during homeroom where your teacher announced who would be participating in which category. 

This year, Anton didn’t get selected for swimming unlike last year, but you did. You had been selected for relay twice and archery last year, so this was new. Though you knew how to swim and you actually had swimming lessons in freshman year, your competitive side didn’t let you practise just like everybody else now that you were on speaking terms with Anton. So you asked the boy if he could help you prepare for the competition.

“What do you need help with? Technique, breathwork, nutrition or…?” The boy looked at you expectantly when you asked him about helping you out, and you suddenly realised that you had been so wrong that this would be easy, that your request would be obvious.

“Weeeelll, maybe a bit of everything?” You chuckled nervously. “I really want to win this, so whatever can get me there,” you added with a shrug, and Anton seemed slightly amused but also… endeared? Was that the right word for the look he gave you?

Either way, the boy agreed. You thought that he would just watch you swim once to see where you were and what you needed to work on, but he kept asking you when you would practise, so he could come by. He couldn’t always make it because of his own schedule, but he did show up frequently, giving you tips about your posture, technique, timing and little things that you would have not considered paying attention to before (like your post-workout meal).

He was firm in the way he explained certain things, but he was gentle when it came to show you what he meant, especially when he needed to touch you to correct the angle of your arms or the way you turned your head. You could see that swimming was truly his passion, and he was enthusiastic about helping you out, so he probably didn’t think too much into such tutoring, but there were moments when your faces were so close or his skin touched your skin a bit longer than absolutely necessary, and you felt nervous and giddy and warm all at once. He probably did so too because he stuttered or looked away or asked for a break at times like this.

It was usually late at night when you practised in the pool, so there weren’t other students around, and you tried not to be too self-conscious about this whole thing. However, when Andrew came by to practise for his own competition, and you could feel his eyes on you two for a few minutes in the beginning, you felt a bit nervous.

However, when you asked Anton about it after practice that day, sitting on the edge of the pool, your feet grazing the edge of the water, he said that he wasn’t bothered by it.

“Can I ask you something though?” He inquired, looking at you with those curious brown eyes, and you nodded, prompting him to go on.

“Please, don’t take this the wrong way… but why do you want to win the competition so bad?”

“Fair question, really,” you chuckled, airy and light, but sucked in a deep breath before jumping into your explanation. It’s not like it was something to be ashamed of, but you still felt a bit silly for feeling this way. Either way, he deserved to know the truth in exchange for his help.

“I just… I don’t really feel like I’m good at anything here. You know, back in my home country, I was the top student in my class, and at the whole school, too. Here, I’m pretty much average, and as much as I want to say that it doesn’t bother me, it does. There’s always someone who’s better at me in literally everything, so I get joy out of winning anything. Even if it’s our sports day.”

You weren’t sure how someone like Anton who was known for being on the national team would understand what you were feeling, but he seemed to know just the right thing to say.

“You’re good at writing for the school magazine and interviewing people,” he pointed out, his words oozing sincerity. When he looked at you like that and sounded like that, you really did feel good about yourself, but you weren’t sure if he was just trying to make you feel better or he really thought so.

“That’s nice of you to say, but the others are also really good. Minju even won a literary competition.”

To that, he couldn’t say anything. It was a fact. Ever since you had been admitted to KOZ International High, you hadn’t won a single competition. Not that it should have mattered, your parents were happy as it is, but still… going from being known for being smart and an overachiever to being average… it hurt a bit.

“To me, you are the kindest girl I’ve ever met,” the boy confessed gently, quietly, like a secret shared just between you two. “In that sense, you are the first one on my list.”

His words felt warmer than the towel around your body, and you were sure that if you had not just come out of the water a few minutes ago, a blush would surely be creeping onto your face, mirroring your emotions in an obvious way.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he nodded confidently, but you could see that he was also a bit shy with the way he bit down on his lower lip. A habit that you had picked up on before, but up until now, it didn’t make your heart race.

“But you’ve met so many people, right? I mean, you are an athlete.”

“While it’s true that I’m usually surrounded by a lot of people, I don’t actually know them or take notice of them. For instance, when I’m swimming, I focus on the water, the pool and my body. Nothing else,” he shared willingly, his eyes watching the waves his feet made on the surface of the water. “In a way, a lot of people watch me, but they don’t see me. If that makes sense,” he added a bit belatedly, his voice soft as ever.

You’ve never really thought about his swimming career that way. You’ve thought that he met a lot of people and made a lot of friends and connections, but what he was saying made perfect sense. It also made you feel a bit disheartened because after everything he must have been lonely. His parents didn’t come to see him compete, there was always a buzz around him even if he didn’t want it, and he focused on swimming, nothing else.

This thought made you feel even more thankful because he carved time out of his busy days to help you out, and now he even called you the kindest girl he had ever met.

“They don’t see the real you, I get it,” you hummed, slightly shivering at the way his eyes found yours. “I’m glad that I can see the real you though,” you blurted out without thinking ahead, without thinking at all. It was like you were under a spell; locked down, locked in, unable to move.

In that moment, with the melody of Anton’s coy little giggle accompanying you in the swimming arena, you realised what this feeling meant.

You were in love.

You were both nervous and excited for the sports day.

Swimming was at the end of the day because you had the relay runs first, followed by archery and dancing. You went out to watch the competitions, but since they hired a professional photographer for the event, the school magazine members didn’t need to take pictures. Instead, you enjoyed the event, rooted for Dew in the relay run (and with his impossibly long legs, his team won) and Sullyoon and Minju in dancing. You even checked out archery where Anton came in second place after Carlos.

Then, there was a lunch break and the juries for dancing decided on the ranking before announcing the winners as part of the first winner’s ceremony of the day. The involved students and those who were curious then moved to the arena where each year had its swimming competition for the boys and girls alike. Since you went in class order, the seniors were last, and by the time it was your time to get ready, you had been all nerves.

You didn’t expect Anton to be waiting for you in the corridor between the changing rooms and the pools because he had already sent you a good luck message on Kakaotalk (and you had congratulated him on his second place in archery). However, you couldn’t deny that the sight of the boy was enough to put your mind at ease. For a little while, at least.

“Hi!” Anton greeted you with a friendly smile as you halted in front of him, your sports bag thrown over your shoulder. “I just wanted to come by and see how you were doing.”

“Oh, I’m fine. I’m just…” You let out an awkward little chuckle, suddenly all too aware that your voice was anything but stable. “Okay, I’m gonna be honest. I’m very, very nervous,” you added, biting down on your lower lip. It wasn’t even something that would be marked or kept in your school records, and yet, your heart was pounding so loudly, you were slowly going crazy.

“It’s all okay. I get nervous before competitions, too,” the boy admitted, somewhat of a fond smile playing along his lips while he was looking down at you. You looked back at him, suddenly finding it hard to breathe - not just because of his words, but because of his close proximity. Before, you were rarely aware how close he was, but these last few weeks, that’s all you could think about.

Gosh, you were so gone…

“You do?”

“Yeah, it’s totally normal. Plus, studies say that adrenaline can actually improve performance,” he explained as an attempt to ease your nerves, and you found yourself smiling for the first time in a while.

“No matter what happens, thanks a lot for helping me out. I owe you a whole lot,” you admitted, and playfully nudged his shoulder. You could see that the boy was a bit taken aback by that, but a few seconds later, his features softened even more than already, and his voice was even quieter than usual.

“You don’t owe me anything,” Anton disagreed gently. His eyes were twinkling with care, the lines of his lips deepening his dimples, a sight that made your heart race. Not out of nervousness, but out of this newly bloomed warm and comforting yet thrilling feeling.

You just stood there in the corridor, looking at each other in silence, getting lost in each other’s eyes. This moment was so precious, you wanted to tuck it into your pocket and never let it go. Yet, life moved on around you even if you were still, and the door to the pools opened, the quiet corridor suddenly filled with laughter and chatter.

Suddenly self-conscious, you mumbled something akin to:

“I should probably go. To get changed and to warm up.”

“Yeah, sure,” the boy nodded, but before you could go your way, he reached out to gently pat your head. Only once and only briefly, but you felt electrified from head to toe either way. “Good luck, Y/N! I’m rooting for you!”

And off he went, his cheeks tinted pink, and as you watched him leave, your hands automatically reached for the top of your head where his hand had previously been. You were woken from your stupor only when Dew showed up and started asking what was that between you and Anton. Though you had told Dew how you had been practising with Anton’s guidance, you had never touched upon how you felt around the swimmer.

“I really don’t know,” you blurted out in all honesty, and Dew looked back at you, all confused. “Do boys act like that with just anyone?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then, why do you think he did that?” You asked, hoping that the Thai boy could help you. He was a boy after all, he should know better. On the other hand, Dew merely shrugged his shoulders.

“My guess would be that he likes you, but don’t ask me about stuff like that. I’ve never had any luck with girls,” he justified before you could ask him (rightfully so) whether boys patted a girl’s head that they liked. You thought that maybe having a guy friend would help with your feelings, but it seemed like it couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Either way, Dew wished you good luck before he left, but all you thought about was Anton and the way he patted your head. Even when you entered the arena later on, you tried to search for him in the spectator area, but to no avail. There were just too many people, and now it made perfect sense why he said that he was surrounded by a lot of people, but he didn’t take note of them or concentrate on them.

So you did the same, and as you stepped onto your block, you took in a deep breath. You mentally played back all the advice the boy had given you, and told yourself that you would do great. Positive affirmations and all that.

After the starting signal, your body moved on auto-pilot. You were so caught up in the moment that you didn’t think, just swam and swam, and gave it your all. You now understood what people meant by your surroundings becoming a blur when something happened so fast because it was over before you knew it.

As you emerged from the water at the end of your lane, you took in a few deep inhales before your eyes found the announcement board. You scanned the screen, but your brain couldn’t comprehend the result, not until Daniela in the lane to your right came up to you to congratulate you.

“Congrats, Y/N!”

“Thanks,” you mumbled, still in a daze because… You looked back at the screen, and oh my gosh, you came in first! You did it! You were the winner in your year!

No one was faster than you to get out of the pool and dry yourself, get changed before heading out with your hair still half-wet, searching for a familiar pair of chocolate-brown eyes. You almost gave up when you spotted him just where he had been before he had wished you good luck.

To be honest, you were in a state of heightened excitement that couldn’t be contained, so you weren’t really in your right mind when you ran up to him and just outright hugged him. He was taller than you, so you momentarily pressed your head against his chest in the embrace, and thought it felt odd and new and everything in between, it also felt so right.

You almost let go of the boy when you noticed how still he was, but then, he had his arms around you (uncertain, gentle yet still there), and whispered, so only you could hear:

“You did really well, Y/N!”

And though it was brief and a bit awkward, it was equally heart-fluttering, and even if you tried to deny that you hugged him because you liked him and not because you were thankful for his help, you were lying.

You were oh so gone.

You still couldn’t get over everything that happened on the sports day, but now that you weren’t practising together and you didn’t need to interview him, you didn’t need to face him over the next few days. It helped a bit because your heart was jumping up and down in joy whenever you thought about his words, his head pat and that hug, and you felt like you could burst with all the different kinds of feelings that he brought out in you.

On the other hand, you promised him right after that impromptu hug that you would like to treat him to something as a token of appreciation for his help, and he didn’t protest. So you settled on the following Saturday, but it seemed like time slowed down because every day dragged on, and it was still not Saturday.

Dew even pointed out that though he was no love expert, you really acted like a girl in love (based on the movies and shows he was watching), and you couldn’t deny it anymore. There were even students who came up to you, asking if you were dating Anton because they had seen you two hugging after the competition. You shooed them away, saying that you were just thankful for him because he had helped you prepare for the competition.

You didn’t want to admit it to strangers, of course, but you also didn’t want them to make up rumours about your relationship. Or well, possible relationship. You didn’t ask Anton if he was approached by the same students, and you didn’t want to admit something that maybe only you felt, putting him in a tough spot.

However, you couldn’t deny that you felt like this encounter would be different… like a date or something. It would be the first time you leave school grounds with Anton, and you knew that he only went out for his practices and the necessities he needed. Though you hang out with Dew off-campus, it was different, he really was just a friend, and you were both clear about that.

Therefore, you spent an ungodly amount of time deciding on an outfit because you didn’t have to wear your school uniform or sportswear this time. You also needed to ask your parents to give you permission to go out because you were underage. It was a fairly smooth process with a whole online system set up where your homeroom teacher got a notification when your parents approved your leave, and you could show the approval on your phone to the guards at the gate.

Due to your indecisiveness, you arrived by the gate exactly at the discussed time, and Anton was already there, leaning against a railing. He wore a dark brown coat, currently unbuttoned, that emphasised his long legs and wide shoulders, with a white shirt and dark jeans. His hands were in his pocket, and he was slightly bobbing his head to the music coming from his headphones. He looked like a campus crush in those shows you liked to indulge yourself in, and the thought didn’t exactly help your crazily racing heart.

You were a few steps away when he opened his eyes and noticed you coming up at him. His lips immediately curled into a shy smile, and he took his headphones off to tuck them into his bag. You reciprocated his smile when you halted beside him, and asked him how he was doing while exiting the school and heading towards the bus stop. He said there was a really good restaurant that he liked going to after practices, so you decided on going there.

When he asked about your week, you felt heat rush to your cheeks because well… it seemed like all you had been doing was playing back the events of the sports day and daydreaming about meeting him today.

“Just the usual, really,” you shrugged instead, covering up your lie with a wider smile as you got on the bus.

You automatically sat down in a loveseat, and though his close proximity shouldn’t have surprised you at this point, you still felt your cheeks burn when he sat down beside you. It was different this time though. No matter how many close moments you had shared before, you had never sat beside each other on the bus, and you had never gone off- campus together, so it was new, it was different, and it was very, very exciting.

“What were you listening to, by the way?” You inquired to break the silence, referring to him waiting for you with his headphones on.

“I have this playlist with songs that I like, so I just put it on shuffle.”

“Can I have a listen?” You asked giddily because you really loved music, and you always enjoyed checking out new songs and new artists. However, Anton seemed a bit surprised by your request, and you immediately added that he didn’t have to if he didn’t feel like it.

“No, no, it’s totally okay. I’ve just never had a girl ask me to let her listen to my playlist,” he let you know, coy as ever, before reaching into his bag. You totally expected him to reach out his headphones for you to take it, but instead, the boy leaned closer to you to put it on you, tucking your hair behind your ear with one hand while holding the headphones in the other.

You found yourself blinking at him rapidly, your heart beating in your throat, and it felt like it was so loud, he could hear exactly how big of an impact his closeness and gentle touch had on you. On the other hand, he didn’t seem affected by it, instead, he boosted a boyish smile when his eyes caught yours, as if he could see right through you.

You could barely register the first song playing because you were still under his spell, but at least you didn’t have to talk for the next few minutes. Anton played a few of the songs on his playlist before it was your stop, and you gave the headphones back to him, sharing your opinion on his song choices while heading towards your destination.

The restaurant he picked was run by a lovely elderly woman who prided herself on the fact that Anton had been coming by ever since he had been a student at KOZ, and how much he had grown over these years. She seemed very fond of the boy and kept sharing stories about him until she was gently reminded by him that you were here to eat.

“Come on! You’ve never brought a girl here, so I have to take advantage of it,” she called him out on it, and Anton’s face immediately flushed, his eyes fixated on the table instead of anything else in the room.

“He helped me prepare for the sports day at school, and I won first place, so I’m treating him to a meal,” you shared with the old lady who directed a knowing smile in the boy’s direction before her eyes settled on yours again.

“Oh, so you’re that girl! He’s been talking so much about you lately.”

“Ah ahjumma,” he groaned slightly, acting like a sulky little kid with his lips curled downwards and his puppy eyes showing. She held up her hands in defeat before taking your orders and getting started on making the food.

Not gonna lie, you felt really good by the fact that you were the only girl Anton brought here and that he had been talking about you lately. Sometimes, you felt like he was just generally shy around others, and while it was true, you were now more hopeful than ever that his actions towards you meant that he felt the same way about you.

So though the meal was amazing and you had a very nice conversation while having lunch, you couldn’t shake this thrilling feeling off, and those so-called butterflies in your stomach didn’t want to chill. Instead, they made you believe it was now or never, this was your chance to make sure while walking in the nearby park, and so you blurted out:

“Anton, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he replied calmly, casually, but your next question made him avoid your eyes.

“Would you have said yes to today if it hadn’t been my thank you treat for your help, we just came just because?”

A few seconds of silence settled over the two of you, and the thought crossed your mind that maybe this would not go as you had imagined it. You would be rejected right here and right now, in the middle of this gorgeous park, on this fine Saturday in October, and you would never be able to recover from it.

Instead, the boy halted his steps, and eventually turned towards you, and you automatically did the same.

“Yeah,” he answered in his trademark soft voice, but before you could open your mouth to ask THE question, he beat you to it. “I like you, Y/N.”

Nothing could prepare you for how it would feel to hear those words roll off his tongue - not even this whole week of daydreaming behind you. As the afternoon sunlight shone on him, his eyes seemed to twinkle, and the sight was just too beautiful - he was too beautiful -, you felt like melting under the Sun.

“I like you, too, Anton,” you squealed before you threw your arms around him, and pressed your head against his chest. This time, the boy didn’t hesitate to hug you back, and it was just so heart-shatteringly tender and comforting and soft, your racing heart finally rested.

For it was now not searching for the answer to your question.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this story of mine! Let me know what you think! 😊

Click here for my RIIZE masterlist!

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for RIIZE or for other artists, consider signing up for my taglist here. 🥰

Header taken from the 'Odyssey' trailer video

Hope you have a lovely day/night! Take care! ❤️

[quokkalabs]

Explore Quokka Labs' expert mobile app development services. We design and develop custom iOS and Android applications, delivering scalable, user-friendly, and high-performance solutions tailored to your business needs.

[luna-azzurra]

Give your protagonist flaws.

Some examples of character flaws that can add humanity to your protagonist

Stubbornness

Stubbornness can cause your protagonist to cling to their viewpoints, even when they know they are wrong, often leading to conflicts with others. This trait can create dramatic tension and drive the narrative forward as the protagonist struggles with the consequences of their inflexibility.

Michael, a seasoned detective, refuses to consider new evidence that contradicts his initial theory about a case. His stubbornness leads to conflicts with his team and delays in solving the case.

Impatience

Impatience can make your protagonist demand immediate results, struggling with long-term goals or slower processes. This flaw can add layers to their journey, showing the difficulties they face in learning the value of patience and strategic planning.

Celeste, an aspiring entrepreneur, rushes the development of her new app, pushing her team to the brink. Her impatience results in a product that is not ready for launch, jeopardizing her startup's future.

Self-Doubt

Self-doubt, despite evident skills and achievements, can impair the protagonist's decision-making and actions. This internal conflict adds a relatable dimension, making their journey toward self-acceptance and confidence compelling.

Jordan, a talented musician, constantly questions his abilities despite receiving praise from peers and critics. His self-doubt hinders him from seizing opportunities that could advance his career.

Short Temper

A short temper can cause your protagonist to react aggressively to provocations or challenges, creating interpersonal issues. This flaw can drive subplots involving reconciliation, personal growth, and the learning of emotional control.

Maria, a brilliant surgeon, often lashes out at her colleagues and patients under pressure. Her short temper strains her professional relationships and threatens her career.

Selfishness

Selfishness can lead the protagonist to place their own needs and desires above others, costing them sympathy and support. This flaw can create opportunities for the character to learn empathy and the importance of selflessness.

Chris, a charismatic lawyer, often prioritizes his career over his family, missing important events and neglecting relationships. His selfishness alienates those who care about him, forcing him to reevaluate his choices.

Arrogance

Arrogance can make your protagonist overestimate their abilities and underestimate challenges, leading to dangerous or embarrassing situations. This flaw provides a platform for the character to learn humility and the value of listening to others.

Mandy, a top student, dismisses her classmates' ideas during group projects, believing she knows best. Her arrogance leads to friction and eventually to a significant mistake that humbles her.

Trust Issues

Trust issues can make it difficult for your protagonist to trust others, hindering teamwork and relationships. This trait can create tension and development opportunities as the character learns to open up and rely on others.

Liam, a former spy, finds it hard to trust anyone due to past betrayals. His trust issues complicate his relationships and collaboration with a new team.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism can lead your protagonist to set unrealistically high standards, never being content with their or others' performance. This flaw can drive stories about the struggle for balance and acceptance of imperfection.

Olivia, an artist, is never satisfied with her work, constantly striving for an unattainable level of perfection. Her perfectionism causes stress and burnout, affecting her creativity and personal life.

Fear of Change

Fear of change can make your protagonist cling to the familiar and avoid necessary or beneficial changes. This resistance can create narrative tension as they are forced to confront and adapt to evolving circumstances.

Jamie, a successful business owner, resists adopting new technologies or methods in his company. His fear of change threatens his business's relevance and growth.

Haunted by the Past

Being haunted by past mistakes or traumas can influence your protagonist's present behavior and decisions. This flaw adds a rich backstory and provides a path for emotional development and overcoming personal demons.

Zack, a war veteran, is haunted by his experiences in combat. His traumatic past affects his current relationships and decisions, leading him on a journey of healing and redemption.

[bengiyo]

Knock Knock, Boys! is an Ideal First BL for New Viewers

I often talk on @the-conversation-pod about how I react to BL from the lens of a queer media critic actively trying to recruit queer media viewers to BL. I want those viewers to join us in BL, and so I value shows that have strong character writing and satisfying resolutions for their drama. New viewers don’t always understand or recognize romance or BL tropes right away, and sometimes things go over their heads. In that vein, Knock Knock, Boys! may be one of the most useful shows I’ve encountered in the last year for this exact purpose. 

Rating: 9, Highly Recommended

Runtime: 12 50+ minute episodes

Country: Thailand

Network: WeTV

Availability: WeTV, GagaOOlala

Knock Knock, Boys! places four young men at a transitional point in their lives. Split evenly between first-year college students and working adults, each character is running from something. Peak is running from a marriage to a woman, Thanwa is running from a bad relationship with his ex-boyfriend, Latte is running towards graduation, and Almond is running away from his sheltered existence. Over the course of the show, these two pair off based on their shared age brackets in one of the most sex-positive shows I’ve seen this year, with a common theme about how honesty and commitment to each other gives people the space they need to grow. More than anything, this show values patience and kindness in relationships in a way that I cannot overstate.

As the ice starts to break, they learn that Thanwa and Latte have had active sex lives (Thanwa exclusively with men, and Latte with all sorts of people) and establish a rhythm within their home. Thanwa makes most of their meals, and Almond has to wake Latte up every day because he ignores alarms. The original conceit that connects our quartet beyond their shared housing incident comes from Almond promising to pay the rent for a year for anyone who helps him lose his virginity to his high school crush, Jumper. Hijinks ensue as the boys try to befriend Jumper, and angle for him and Almond to grow closer. As with any story like this, Latte ends up developing feelings for Almond, while Peak and Thanwa grow closer. 

More spoilers ahead, I want to talk about each character, and what I liked so much about each. These boys became one of my favorite friend groups we’ve had in a while. I am a huge fan of age gaps in queer friendships, and this show has much of it.

Thanwa: Played by the talented Seng Wichai, Thanwa is a great answer to the question of “Where do the quiet gays go?” He clearly knows his way around cruising spots, or knows how to use the apps, and yet everything we know about his shows that he’s geared towards domestic life and his hobbies. He dresses like a normie all the time, he loves cooking, and he loves eating. He’s clearly a thoughtful and reliable friend, and it’s that commitment and reliability that eventually gets him a job he actually wants to do. More than anything, he gave far more grace to a closeted man he cared about than I ever expected AND HE WON. Seng remains one of my favorite BL performers because of his ability to play ugly and goofy. He’s so beautiful because he is capable of playing weirdos well. 

Peak: Played by BL veteran Best Vittawin, Peak is running from compulsory heteronormativity. He’s expected to marry the daughter of a family close to theirs, and he is letting this all happen to keep his stern father happy. Peak has been running away from himself ever since his mom died. He saw how much that hurt his dad, and he’s struggled to be a problem-free son for a long time as a result. The weight of expectation on him presses down on Peak so hard that he can’t even focus half the time, and literally zones out as he tries to cope. Best gives a wonderful performance as Peak, especially in the final episodes, as he finally unburdens himself and blossoms as a result. This is my favorite Best character of all time, and Peak is one of my favorite portrayals of what it means to love someone enough for them to leave the closet on their own terms. 

Almond: Played by Nokia Chinnawat, who appeared in Thank God It’s Friday (2019), Almond is such a fun view into what modern gay boys could be like. He’s young and horny, and he wants to get laid! He’s not embarrassed about this, but he is shy. I loved the way the show used his enthusiasm as a way to further its PSA agenda in such a fun way. Almond is also one of the few rich kids we’ve had in these dramas that isn’t inherently insufferable. I like how his wealth mostly comes up as a problem solving tool, and he doesn’t feel too much like a snob after the first few interactions. I also loved his arc of getting over his unrequited crush on Jumper into recognizing his feelings for Latte. Nokia himself shows a real knack for physical comedy and expressiveness that makes me genuinely want to follow his career beyond this show. 

Latte: Played by Jaonine Jiraphat, Latte fills the role of our sexually experienced queer in the group. Confidently pansexual, Latte was so much fun for me because he and Thanwa had no shame about the sex and relationships they’ve had before. I loved how consistently Latte was shown to be emotionally present and sincere in all of his relationships. It could have been so easy to present him as promiscuous or slutty, and instead they present him as beloved. Every one of his former lovers we encountered seemed happy to see him again, and also resolved about the time they’d spent together. More than anything, I deeply appreciated how patient he was with Almond without suddenly becoming a sexless being because his boyfriend was shy or nervous. Jaonine was incredibly charming in this role, and I hope casting directors take notice. 

The Supporting Cast: The supporting characters were perfectly calibrated for their roles in this show. Jumper (Pak Varayu) made total sense as Almond’s crush, and has a great arc of Almond falling out of love with him, and becoming briefly enemies with Almond before reconciling. Lookpeach (Guitar Tunthita) plays the role of the modern faghag in a way that feels like Thai BL doing corrective work on the role of fandom in BL, and I have deep love for this character. Jane (Naya Gorrawiya) is the friend that everyone deserves; I loved the reveal about how personal her understanding and support for Peak has been this whole time. This show even calibrated it’s villain well in Max (Tuss Thotsawat), who showed that there are far worse things than cheating in broken relationships. 

Final Thoughts: I am so excited to show this show to my friend Emily, who’s been watching BL with me since early covid lockdowns. While this show has a few small stumbles that keep it from getting a 10, I don’t want to downplay how refreshing it was to watch a show that had a clear vision of what it wanted to be, and executed it the whole time. I commented during episode 1 that it felt more like a romcom than a BL, and the show said that through Lookpeach in its final episode! It built believable queer friendships in front of us, and understood the emotional core of most of its angst and drama all the way through. This show avoided veering too far into melodrama, and remembered that it was a romantic comedy the entire time. It also managed to be consistently sex-positive without feeling exploitative of its talent, or by letting the audience down on the sex front (I will be thinking about Almond and Latte’s first time and the morning after for a long time). This show also has parents apologizing for the knots they tied their children into. I don’t know a better Thai show airing during this season. This show is a real delight, and one I urge you all to show your friends who might be looking for a gay romcom. 

[daggerfall]

So the GM of one of the big PC/NA raiding servers attended the ESO guild summit and wrote down some notes about questions and answers asked there. A lot of them are about potential future features we could see in ESO's future, and also answers to questions some worried players have had, but most of it is about guild stuff. I'll post the text under a read more.

Hey @/everyone, I recently attended a guild summit with ZOS developers where we got a chance to do a Q&A session. I am breaking down some of the keys points from the discussion for us. I will include the stuff I know a lot of us care about first. This is a really exciting time for us to have some feedback/suggestion for the future of ESO. ZOS has been doing a great job of engaging the community and we can expect more from them in the future. For instance, this guild summit will likely become yearly or biannual. About the questions - I missed some, there’s some interpretation, and comments from me included. I want to keep you guys in the loop on what is going on and how we as a guild are involved. A lot of this stuff is things they are considering doing or testing feasibility on. It doesn’t mean it will 100% happen.

Isiimode and I had a very similar question about the next trial drop. They answered the question by saying watch the global reveal. They said they don’t see a lot of the content drops changing. My interpretation of this was mainly that we can still expect a yearly trial and it might not drop exactly on the day that it used to drop on. They want more flexibility in releases and instead of large drops with a drought they would like to drop engaging content as its ready to keep players more engaged over the year. April 10th will be revealing the new trial/content. I think(?) there will be a new trial like normally scheduled just by interpreting Rich’s comments.

It looks like ZOS is going to be working on guild management tools for us in the future. Guildhalls seem unlikely but maybe if we can do them with limited capacity. They are looking into guild halls more. They are going to try to make it so multiple people can manage a guild home from a guild like an officer permission. This last sentence is my interpretation but based on Rich’s answer it seems like someone still have to own it and this is hard to do.

They are working on guild traders and adjusting how they work. Number of listing was really high and this was hard on the servers. They want people to still be able to sell stuff and understand this changed a lot for trading guilds.

They are thinking of more mechanical ways to make guilds useful. They understand that the only reason for joining a guild is really a guild trader. Otherwise discord is the best place for things to happen. No real specifics on this yet.

Limits on guild capacity and other limit items are there to reduce server load. When they started enforcing the mail limit it turned their mail server from terabytes of data to gigabytes. They are trying to minimize the workload on the servers with some of the choices they are making. They referenced guild history, and even Cyrodil changes. Ideally reducing server load overall should help with performance.

Five guild is somewhat arbitrary but it cant be higher because it is a lot of server load to manage five guilds for everyone. Think about how the server has to be pinged every time someone logs on and off or deposits something in the bank. They might consider reducing the number of people in a guild so you can have more but i dont think this is a good idea. They are going to add a guild search function if possible.

They are going to add a guild communication system if possible. It might not look like in-game mail. It could be a calendar or some other functionality.

They are going to explore adding API for guild bank/roster stuff for addon developers to introduce addons. (I didnt really understand this question)

They are going to consider working on a companion app to allow people look at achievements and other account statistics and have already done this in the past but they always blow up the server and make performance tank.

Servers are expensive and getting aussie or other servers seems unlikely. They are already supporting some servers that aren't really active so it’s hard to add more that might not be active.

Some leaderboard changes might be coming in the future. Ultimately, score is the best metrics to base leaderboards on. It includes vit, speed, and HM so it is all encompassing.

What would console addons look like? Very hard to answer. Strict memory limits make it very hard. On PC memory isnt really the limiting issue so its hard to say what console addon developers will be able to use. Codes combat and lazy writ crafter will likely go to console.

People want lore about the players to be included in the game more.

Do the devs play the game? The team plays the game a lot but not everyone plays the game the same. Rich likes the solo content and does that more. Other developers like world bosses, cyrodil, and trading. Its really hard to make content that every single person will love. That being said the devs do play the game and just see different issues than we might see. These summits are way for us to bring our issues forward.

How many people dont interact with guilds? A lot of players play this game like a traditional eso game but might join a guild for a trader or something. They are thinking of new ways to include the community in the functionalities that they have created. It seems like a lot people find playing with people scary.

ZOS love RP community and they like giving them opportunities to RP. A lot of story development includes ways for people to RP.

There is some consideration for integrating EU console servers.

Increasing limits on furnishing in player homes is something they are thinking about but might be hard to do.

They dont want guild homes to replace going to a major city. They want people to have reasons to go to these areas. No one stop shops!

A lot of the cyrodil related development right now is solely on the performance and the champion campaigin/system(?). No other changes will likely be made in the short term.

Will the game be around in 5 years? The best way to answer this is look at development patterns. New cyrodil stuff is an indication that ZOS is going to continue to support the game. ZOS is committed to the game and will continue to commit to the game.

Update the guild tabards to look more modern. Guild specific decorations would be fun and cool.

[vsaintsin]

Writeblr Re-Intro

Yo! I'm V Saintsin. Or V or Vin or Saintsin or whatever you want to call me that sounds right on your tongue. I'm a self-proclaimed Social Media fumbler who got a late start to the party and has never quite figured it out. I hate how hipster and edgy it sounds to say "I'm bad at social media" but like I used to work with some people who actually managed the social media accounts for the business we worked for and there were rules and whatnot and damn, I think online media is just not my medium. That being said, here I am! Hah

I'm an author and general mess who's hoping to be the miracle man (somebody who makes a living writing silly little stories). I do use a pseudonym but please hear me out when I say I didn't realize how edgy it sounds, it just has some sentimental value to my personal life. I'm so sorry that I sound like I'm in my emo phase HAHA

About me -

He/Him Transguy from the American Midwest (arguably the south, depending on who you talk to, but the older people still say "Sodi-pop" and "ope").

I'm dysautonomic, bendy, permanently sleepy, and a survivor of Crappy Doctors Who Suck At Doctoring.

I like DnD, Pathfinder, Baldur's Gate 3, Cyberpunk, Dragon Age, and other things in that vein.

I do make art of my stories and characters (Tablet is currently not working so I'm in a dry spell).

My writing background is predominantly ancient, dusty RPs from as far back as the foopets days and fanfic writing on Quizilla - I am an old and wizened elder of the net.

My formal education was music performance and behavioral neuroscience, I don't really know how I got where I am.

This is not my first rodeo with tumblr but it is the first time I have anything to SAY instead of just lurking.

In the event of malfunction, you can put me outside for 5 minutes and I'll probably factory reset.

My existence as I know it hinges on a massive number of sticky notes plastered throughout my room.

What I'm lookin' for -

Idk, whatever? I'm down for most things. Did you write it? Cool, let me see. I'm not too bent on genre or anything, just fascinated by the art of storytelling.

A bit tentative with fanfiction but that's just because if it's not a fandom I'm familiar with I am rather clueless about what the hell is going on and if it's a fandom I am familiar with I HUNT DOWN THE DEEP LORE.

I like art a whole lot, including fanart. Also art advice, love seeing things from different perspectives and learning something new.

Mutuals, really, for any reason. Building better connections on here, getting to know people. I am hideously bad at this but I try.

What I write -

Science Fiction with heavy subjects that matter to me - trigger warnings on a story-by-story basis.

High Fantasy (eventually books I think?) characters and their backgrounds for DnD and Pathfinder - I have been tempted to share these to help people get ideas or just for free use?

Things that I delete because I have crippling imposter syndrome and publishing makes me nauseous (doin' it tho).

Stories that I hope will make people feel less alone or that people could relate to, stories that I wish I had when life was worse and I was reaching out for anything I could find to keep me afloat, stories that try to be critical of things that SUCK in a way that's any helpful.

Lots of curse words and cussing (that's just how people talk 'round here), dubious science, things that I hope might make you cry but in a good way though.

Character-Driven stories that revolve more around the development of the person and less around the plot itself if that makes sense.

I've put blurb things below for my primary project/series which features a grumpy, queer, 37-year old chain smoking Frenchman and his misadventures with life and love and unbridled rage. If any of that sounds cool stick around and hang out? (This part is a plug bc I did a thing and I'm proud of it) And if my books sounds interesting the first one is 99 cents on Kindle and you just need a phone and a free app to read it!

THE SECRET OF LIFE (Published) - Sci-Fi/Psychological Thriller, Bi M Lead, Lovers to Enemies, AI but the oldschool cool kind not the real world thing that's stealing our future

Carlisle-Trystan Antoinette is a mercenary on a hard road, navigating life and death itself in an infinite cycle started by powers above his understanding. He has one mission - warn The Dianican Space Station of the coming threat and put a stop to a war that would encapsulate the whole of the Sol System before it can ever begin. Unfortunately for Carlisle, reality is a tenuous thing, made up only by our understanding of it. At least, according to his Psychiatrist, who tells him that there is no war, that he was never a mercenary, and that what Carlisle is experiencing is a severe but manageable psychotic break. Stripped of his combat enhancements, his bio monitor, and everything he's every known, Carlisle has a decision to make. Does he give in to the thoughts and memories, so real that he can almost taste them, or does he live a life of comfort and ease, returning to a husband and daughter that he left behind?

TWs: Domestic and War Violence, suicide, rape, medical trauma, grief, drug use

THE SILENCE OF ANGELS (Due 2024, TSoL 2) - Betrayal and Rage, Learning how to love again slow-burn romantic subplot, Learning how to Dad, A general inability for any one thing to just go right

(Quick Rough Blurb that offers no spoilers for TSoL) Making connections isn't easy for somebody who's accustomed to burning bridges. Isolation has always been Carlisle's mantra for surviving his life. Playing a role comes second nature, pretending to be the man that everyone else wants to see in him. When an old friend is murdered Carlisle finds himself as the primary suspect with all evidence pointing to him so clearly that even he calls to question what he is capable of. Unwilling to believe that he could commit such a heinous crime, Carlisle sets off to find the truth of his friend's death - was Carlisle framed or does he truly have the capacity to bring such harm upon those he loves? Old and new bonds will be tested, faith broken, and the future of everyone called into question as lines are drawn and sides are picked.

TWs: Violence, mentions of SA, graphic character death, more grief, more death

I don't know what else to say... Later!

[justforbooks]

The DeepSeek panic reveals an AI world ready to blow❗💥

The R1 chatbot has sent the tech world spinning – but this tells us less about China than it does about western neuroses

The arrival of DeepSeek R1, an AI language model built by the Chinese AI lab DeepSeek, has been nothing less than seismic. The system only launched last week, but already the app has shot to the top of download charts, sparked a $1tn (£800bn) sell-off of tech stocks, and elicited apocalyptic commentary in Silicon Valley. The simplest take on R1 is correct: it’s an AI system equal in capability to state-of-the-art US models that was built on a shoestring budget, thus demonstrating Chinese technological prowess. But the big lesson is perhaps not what DeepSeek R1 reveals about China, but about western neuroses surrounding AI.

For AI obsessives, the arrival of R1 was not a total shock. DeepSeek was founded in 2023 as a subsidiary of the Chinese hedge fund High-Flyer, which focuses on data-heavy financial analysis – a field that demands similar skills to top-end AI research. Its subsidiary lab quickly started producing innovative papers, and CEO Liang Wenfeng told interviewers last November that the work was motivated not by profit but “passion and curiosity”.

This approach has paid off, and last December the company launched DeepSeek-V3, a predecessor of R1 with the same appealing qualities of high performance and low cost. Like ChatGPT, V3 and R1 are large language models (LLMs): chatbots that can be put to a huge variety of uses, from copywriting to coding. Leading AI researcher Andrej Karpathy spotted the company’s potential last year, commenting on the launch of V3: “DeepSeek (Chinese AI co) making it look easy today with an open weights release of a frontier-grade LLM trained on a joke of a budget.” (That quoted budget was $6m – hardly pocket change, but orders of magnitude less than the $100m-plus needed to train OpenAI’s GPT-4 in 2023.)

R1’s impact has been far greater for a few different reasons.

First, it’s what’s known as a “chain of thought” model, which means that when you give it a query, it talks itself through the answer: a simple trick that hugely improves response quality. This has not only made R1 directly comparable to OpenAI’s o1 model (another chain of thought system whose performance R1 rivals) but boosted its ability to answer maths and coding queries – problems that AI experts value highly. Also, R1 is much more accessible. Not only is it free to use via the app (as opposed to the $20 a month you have to pay OpenAI to talk to o1) but it’s totally free for developers to download and implement into their businesses. All of this has meant that R1’s performance has been easier to appreciate, just as ChatGPT’s chat interface made existing AI smarts accessible for the first time in 2022.

Second, the method of R1’s creation undermines Silicon Valley’s current approach to AI. The dominant paradigm in the US is to scale up existing models by simply adding more data and more computing power to achieve greater performance. It’s this approach that has led to huge increases in energy demands for the sector and tied tech companies to politicians. The bill for developing AI is so huge that techies now want to leverage state financing and infrastructure, while politicians want to buy their loyalty and be seen supporting growing companies. (See, for example, Trump’s $500bn “Stargate” announcement earlier this month.) R1 overturns the accepted wisdom that scaling is the way forward. The system is thought to be 95% cheaper than OpenAI’s o1 and uses one tenth of the computing power of another comparable LLM, Meta’s Llama 3.1 model. To achieve equivalent performance at a fraction of the budget is what’s truly shocking about R1, and it’s this that has made its launch so impactful. It suggests that US companies are throwing money away and can be beaten by more nimble competitors.

But after these baseline observations, it gets tricky to say exactly what R1 “means” for AI. Some are arguing that R1’s launch shows we’re overvaluing companies like Nvidia, which makes the chips integral to the scaling paradigm. But it’s also possible the opposite is true: that R1 shows AI services will fall in price and demand will, therefore, increase (an economic effect known as Jevons paradox, which Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella helpfully shared a link to on Monday). Similarly, you might argue that R1’s launch shows the failure of US policy to limit Chinese tech development via export controls on chips. But, as AI policy researcher Lennart Heim has argued, export controls take time to work and affect not just AI training but deployment across the economy. So, even if export controls don’t stop the launches of flagships systems like R1, they might still help the US retain its technological lead (if that’s the outcome you want).

All of this is to say that the exact effects of R1’s launch are impossible to predict. There are too many complicating factors and too many unknowns to say what the future holds. However, that hasn’t stopped the tech world and markets reacting in a frenzy, with CEOs panicking, stock prices cratering, and analysts scrambling to revise predictions for the sector. And what this really shows is that the world of AI is febrile, unpredictable and overly reactive. This a dangerous combination, and if R1 doesn’t cause a destructive meltdown of this system, it’s likely that some future launch will.

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[acafe-official]

A-Café (Update #25) - Community Discussion

Good morning everyone! I know it's been a while since I've posted, but I'm finally back with another community update. In the first part, I'll be giving a brief overview of where we're at in terms of project progress. Then, in the second half, we'll discuss a new development in app accessibility.

Without further ado, let's begin!

1) Where are we at in the project currently?

A similar question was asked in the A-Café discord recently, so I figured I'd include my response here as well:

Right now we’re reworking the design of A-Café, both visually and architecturally. The initial planning and design phase of the project wasn’t done very thoroughly due to my inexperience, so now that I’m jumping back into things I want to ensure we have a solid prototype for usability testing. For us that means we’ve recently done/are doing a few things:

analyzing results from the old 2022 user survey (done)

discussing new ideas for features A-Café users might want, based on the 2022 user survey

reevaluating old ideas from the previous app design

making a new mock-up for usability testing

Once the mock-up is finished, I plan on doing internal testing first before asking for volunteer testers publicly (the process for which will be detailed in an upcoming community update).

2) Will A-Café be available for iOS and Android devices?

Yes! In fact, the first downloadable version of A-Café may no longer be so device-specific.

What do I mean by that? Well, in the beginning, the plan for A-Café was to make two different versions of the same app (iOS and Android). I initially chose to do this because device-specific apps are made with that device's unique hardware/software in mind--thus, they have the potential to provide a fully optimized user experience.

However, I've since realized that focusing on device-specific development too soon may not be the right choice for our project.

Yes, top-notch app performance would be a big bonus. But by purely focusing on iOS and Android devices for the initial launch, we'd be limiting our audience testing to specific mobile-users only. Laptop and desktop users for example, would have to wait until a different version of the app was released (which is not ideal in terms of accessibility).

Therefore, I've recently decided to explore Progressive Web App development instead.

[What is a Progressive Web App?]

A Progressive Web App (or PWA) is "a type of web app that can operate both as a web page and mobile app on any device" (alokai.com)

Much like a regular mobile app, a PWA can be found through the internet and added to your phone's home screen as a clickable icon. They can also have the ability to work offline and use device-specific features such as push-notifications.

Additionally, due to being web-based applications, PWAs can be accessed by nearly any device with a web browser. That means regardless of whether you have an iOS or Android device, you'd be able to access the same app from the same codebase.

In the end, a PWA version of A-Café should look and act similarly to an iOS/Android app, while also being accessible to various devices. And, due to having only one codebase, development of PWAs tends to be faster and be more cost-effective than making different versions of the same app.

To be clear, I haven't abandoned the idea of device-specific development entirely. We could launch iOS/Android versions of A-Café in the future if demand or revenue end up being high enough. But as of right now, I don't believe doing so is wise.

[What Does this Mean for me as a User?]

In terms of app installation and user experience, not much should hopefully change. I'd like to have A-Café available on both the Apple App Store and Google Play Store.

There will also be the option of searching for A-Café via your device's web browser, and then installing it on your home screen (iOS devices can only do so using Safari). We will likely rely on this method until we can comfortably ensure user access to A-Café on the Apple App Store and Google Play Store.

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And that's it for now! Thank you for reading this latest community update. For more insight into the development process, consider joining the A-Café discord. If you have any questions or concerns regarding this post, we would love to hear your input in the comments below. See you later!