#how I managed to get this done in between gif making and studying i'll never know

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 11

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep12)

Ahhh, once again I didn't manage to publish this before the new (and final, this time 😭) episode. I was busy studying with my Thai language study buddy (that is I was asking him a million questions about the vocabulary in this episode) (at this point he's actually kinda invested in the show from what I've told him about it and from the scenes I've shown him lmao) and I was also busy hanging out with my other Thai friend who basically only speaks Thai. Oh and then I also got my period and I was so sleepy, I could barely form a coherent thought. Whoops. But hey, better late then never. I'd also love to drop the ep12 meta next Wednesday since there will be no new episode, but there is no way I'll make it. Once I post this post here I'd only have about two days to write the ep12 meta and that's simply just not enough time considering how long these metas have gotten. Oh well. Enough with the rambling.

ENJOY <3

(This one's at 19.7k words, btw. Counting only the meta part without the introduction. Including the introduction it's at just over 20k. Didn't I say I'd hit 20k by the finale? lmao)

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise.

To recap: Last episode, the hitman brothers found out some truths about Lilly. Their normie-boyfriends finally got to help them on their mission. Another truth bomb was dropped onto Fadel, shattering him. And Style was there right next to him, picking up the pieces.

No. 1: More Meetings and More Plans

Our foursome gathers to exchange Keen's boyfriend for dirt on Lilly. Since this is mostly between the brothers, both Style and Kant take a step back during the exchange. Style watches attentively, his expression serious. That is, until Keen finally has his boyfriend back and Style watches them hug.

He is very clearly touched and I absolutely adore that we get to see this little private moment of Style being happy for them. Because he did tell us (or rather told Fadel) in episode 8:

I'm a romantic person. กูมันเป็นคนโรแมนติก [guu - man - bpen - kon roh-maen-dtìk] I - [marker] - be - romantic person Official subs: I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm easily tricked by touching things. โดนหลอกด้วยอะไรซึ้งๆง่าย [dohn lòhk - dûuay - à-rai - séung séung - ngâai] be tricked, deceived - by, through - something - touching - easy Official subs: Can't help it that love stories touch me.

Style just loves love. And I just love how consistent his characterization has stayed about this. Style even comments on the fact that he was touched: "I almost shed tears seeing how much they love each other." Fadel replies "I'd have done the same thing for you" and Style looks at him fondly.

Then, Kant brings the conversation back to the Lilly thing and with that Style goes back to serious mode. Kant doesn't want Bison to kill Lilly and suggests he'll talk to Captain Christ in case there's a way. Style pulls Fadel towards him and assures him determinedly that "We'll do anything to keep you out of jail". Style's face is full of concern as he says this. Style is so earnest in his promise, he really means it from the bottom of his heart. He already hated the idea of Fadel going to jail all throughout episode 6, and now it's becoming a potential reality again. A reality that Style desperately doesn't want to face. And if we're being real, Fadel going to jail is something that Style has dreaded since episode 5 already:

Kant sighs and says he wants to end things quickly and then foretells what their happy ending is going to be: "Once those two get arrested, we walk free." But Style stares gloomily into the air and gives a near invisible head shake, almost as if he disagrees with Kant's words, as if to say But that's not what MY happy ending looks like.

(Quoted from my ep5 meta.)

Fadel steps closer to hug Style in response to his promise. Kant sends Style an almost questioning nod over Bison's shoulder, as if to ask whether Style is going to help him with Captain Christ. Style nods firmly in return. Of course he is.

Now allow me to skip the scene in which Style and Kant make their deal with Captain Christ. I didn't find it all that interesting to look at and also, I need that section cover pic gone in favor or more gifs lmao. Both Style and Kant are very self-assured when they talk to Captain Christ. They are confident that their plan is going to work, that's the main take-away.

No. 2: Future Old Man Yaoi

Style excitedly introduces Fadel to his friend and announces that his friend can do fake passports and stuff. Fadel nods a polite nod and smiles a polite smile, but looks otherwise very unconvinced. Style makes a confused face about it while Fadel pulls him aside. You can literally see the silent of question of What's wrong, why are you looking like that? in Style's eyes.

Fadel asks what Style is doing. "Making you a fake passport, duh. In case you need to run." This seemed pretty self-explanatory to Style, but apparently it wasn't. Fadel asks "Didn't you say Kant made a deal with that captain?" and Style says he doesn't trust Captain Christ. And this is interesting, because in episode 8 Fadel actually chided Style for trusting people too easily. But not Captain Christ. Style doesn't trust Captain Christ a single bit. Only a moment ago he confidently told Captain Christ "Promise is a promise", but in reality Style isn't confident at all that Captain Christ will actually keep his promise. Or rather, Style is confident that Captain Christ will, in fact, break it. "Cops are always looking for ways to up their ranks, right?" Style really said ACAB, huh?

Fadel still doesn't see the point of the fake passport. "Where do you think I'll go with a fake passport?" Style comes back with an entire multi-step plan. And that's yet another interesting thing about this scene: it's as if their personalities suddenly switched. The person who plans every single detail of their life suddenly doesn't have a plan, while the person who mostly runs on impulse and instinct and who tends to just go with the flow has it all planned out. Because it's that important to Style. Fadel's well-being and Fadel's freedom is that important to Style. And because that way, he'll still get to be with Fadel, will get to be right next to him. Fadel won't be taken away from him and locked away in a place Style can't easily reach. And that matters to Style so much that he now sits down and starts making plans. Back in episode 2 Style said "When you know you meet the right one, you do whatever it takes to get them" and now here Style is, doing whatever it takes to keep his right one right by his side.

But Fadel still finds something to bitch about: "It takes 20 years for these cases to expire. We'll be old men by that time." But Style doesn't see the problem. "So what if we're old? I'll still wanna be with you." And again, Style is so earnest when he says he wants to be with Fadel. Of course Style wants to be with Fadel even when and until they are old men. Of course the future Style pictures for himself still has Fadel in it. It's the most self-evident thing in the world, absolutely zero discussion needed.

Fadel stares at Style. It finally really hits Fadel what and why Style is doing all this for. He takes Style's hand and says: "Thank you for doing all this for me. I don't think I love myself half as much as you love me." This meta series is about Style, but let me just share the Thai wording here, because it has me a little insane:

I guess I don't yet love myself as much as you love me. กูยังไม่รักตัวเองเท่าที่มึงรักกูเลยมั้ง [guu - yang - mâi - rák - dtuua eng - tâo tîi - mueng - rák - guu - loiie - máng] I - yet - not - love - myself - as much as - you - love - me - [particle] - maybe

Fadel says he doesn't love himself yet. Not yet!! Right now he doesn't yet love himself, but he will in the future!! Fadel is trying, you guys!! Style's love makes him want to love himself and Style is showing him exactly how to do it. Because loving Fadel really is the easiest thing in the world for Style, no matter how difficult to love Fadel thinks he is.

Style lifts his other hand to grab Fadel's hand holding his. "Trust me on this. Just get this done. We don't know what could happen." Style is so very concerned about Fadel and the situation and he's just trying to be prepared for anything that they might be up against. Because there is no way Style will give up Fadel and their relationship without a fight. Because he couldn't bare to lose Fadel. Style already hated that thought all the way back in episode 5, and now, after everything they've been through, he hates that thought even more. The thought of not being with Fadel really stresses him out. And so Style starts making plans. Style adds that he'll get Bison a fake passport, too. Fadel nods and swallows and then asks if Style's friend is trustworthy. Style is absolutely sure of it and Fadel huffs, and then, after another moment, finally agrees to do the fake passport. For Style.

No. 3: Birthday Surprises

Last episode Lilly hired Kant for that rich lady's birthday party and Style got himself hired too. And I just love the difference between Kant and Style: Kant is clearly uncomfortable with the ladies throwing themselves at him, meanwhile Style is thriving. After all, making friends with as well as charming older women is Style's specialty. Whether it's the lady at the market, the lady at the motel or these ladies right here at this party, Style's got them all wrapped around his finger. He really is absolutely perfect for this job.

At some point Kant sends Style to get Lilly more wine and we watch as Style spikes the drink. With that, our poisoning quartet is complete — we have now seen all four main character's spike someone's drink. Lilly takes a sip of it and shortly afterwards Kant reveals her secret. She runs off to the bathroom. Style and Kant happily raise their glasses towards each other in a silent toast. Success.

That happiness doesn't last for very long, though, because minutes later they both run into the bathroom to stop their boyfriends from committing yet another murder. "You promised me. You promised you won't kill anyone again." Fun fact, Style phrases it a little more like a question in Thai:

You promised me, didn't you? That you won't kill anyone again. มึงสัญญากับกูแล้วไม่ใช่หรอ ว่าจะไม่ฆ่าใครอีกอ่ะ [mueng - săn-yaa - gàp - guu - láew - mâi châi - rŏr • wâa - jà - mâi - kâa - krai - ìik - àh] you - promise - with - me - already - no - ? • that - will - not - kill - anyone - again - [particle]

It's on Fadel now how he's gonna answer that question. Kant says his own bit to get Bison to lower his gun and then it's Style's turn. "Fadel. I want a future with you." And again, let me just...

I still want a future with you. กูยังอยากมีอนาคตกับมึงนะเว้ย [guu - yang - yàak - mii - à-naa-kót - gàp - mueng - ná wóiie] I - still - want - have - future - with - you - [particle]

Style still wants a future with Fadel. But he can't have that future if Fadel makes certain choices. Style won't get that future. If Fadel makes the choice of shooting Lilly now, then he might be denying Style the future that Style so desperately wants. A future with Fadel. A future that Style still wants to have, a future that Style hasn't given up on yet. "Just forget the past," Style asks of Fadel. After a long moment of hesitation and contemplation, Fadel finally puts the gun down, tears still streaming down his face. Kant tells them "You two should go. We'll deal with things here." Style looks at Fadel and in a gentle, but serious voice says: "Don’t worry. We'll see each other again." Fadel sniffs and hands Style his gun. That's an 8 on the Style + gun counter. I really do think the writers are just mocking me now. Style didn't shoot anyone this episode and I just really can't see him shoot anyone in the finale either. Especially now that Keen is dealt with and Lilly is also out of the way. And the episode preview also didn't have the vibe for a shooting. All those references to Style and shooting guns were really just there to drive me personally up the wall, huh? Well, at least it's been keeping me entertained over the past few weeks.

Also, while I'm already off on a tangent, I also just wanna share @nabi-unveiled's thoughts real quick, because they are absolutely beautiful and I cry:

So Kant took Bison's gun, but Fadel gave Style his. While Bison says he wants out of the hitman life, he's so explosive that the only way out is for someone to force him and help take his gun. For Fadel, no one could take it from him unless he chose to give it up. He's willingly giving it up for Style. Style isn't forcing his hand. It's Fadel choosing to place his life in Style's hands.

Fadel places his life in Style's hands leaves Style with the gun, telling him to be careful. What really bothers me about this translation, though, is that together with the action of Fadel handing over the gun this phrasing makes it sound like Fadel is speaking a warning along the lines of be careful with the gun, it's dangerous, don't hurt yourself with it, when really he's saying goodbye:

Take care of yourself. ดูแลตัวเองนะ [duu-lae - dtuua eng - ná] take care - yourself - [na]

Fadel uses the word ดูแล [duu-lae] here, which means "to take care" or "to look after". If he had meant to say "be careful" in the sense of "watch out for danger" then he would have been using the word ระวัง [rá-wang] instead, which means "to be careful" or "to watch out" or "to be cautious".

The brothers walk out of the bathroom. Style and Kant stay back to deal with Lilly.

No. 4: Surrender

Once Style and Kant have dealt with Lilly, they meet their boyfriends at Kant's car to send them off. Style hands Fadel the fake passports and once again emphasizes that the brothers shouldn't contact them and should wait for Style and Kant to follow them instead. Kant also exchanges a few words with Bison who worries about Kant and Style's safety. Kant says "We should focus on making sure you two are safe" and Fadel turns to Style and urgently tells him: "Style. Listen to me. If they torture you for information, don't put up with it. Just confess." He ends with: "Don't you dare get hurt, you hear me?" Now let me talk about the Thai line for a second:

Absolutely do not let yourself get hurt, okay? อย่ายอมเจ็บตัวเด็ดขาดโอเคป่ะ [yàa - yohm - jèp dtuua - dèt kàat - okay - bpà] don't - agree, let - hurt yourself, get hurt - absolutely - okay - ?

Fadel uses the word ยอม [yohm] here which the dictionary thai2english defines as:

[to] agree; consent; let (usually against one's wishes)

And to me that sounds like Fadel is telling him don't consent to them hurting you, don't consent to torture. The official subs are a little vague here, the "don't get hurt" can be taken as a general warning as well. Of course from the context you can infer that this is about the police torturing Style, but in the original wording Fadel is very explicit about the fact that the "don't get hurt" part refers to the police (or anyone else who wants to hurt Style to get to Fadel) and he specifically instructs Style not to willingly take on the pain and consent to receiving injuries just to keep Fadel safe.

But that goes against everything who Style is as a person. There is absolutely no way he is gonna betray his loved ones even if it kills him. It's ride or die for him. But Fadel hates the thought of Style dying. "Style, I'm being serious. They really could kill you." But Style is also serious about not betraying Fadel. "You don't have to worry. I have a knack for surviving." Fadel lets it go, semi-reassured. By now he knows better than to argue with Style. Style will out-stubborn him, if Style is set on something.

Fadel goes on to say a few words of thanks to Kant, too. Afterwards, Fadel looks to Style again who throws him a very warm, reassuring look. It'll be fine, everything will be fine. As usual, Style remains hopeful and optimistic.

Kant says the brothers should get going and our couples go in for a goodbye hug which barely even lasts a second before Captain Christ shows up to crash the party.

And like last episode, chatty cat Style stays completely silent. Kant does all the talking this time. I think Style isn't as terrified this time around as he was last episode in the hotel room, and this time around he's not terrified especially for his life, but he's definitely very concerned and even more worried about the hitman brothers' freedom. I think Style also keeps quiet, because Kant has much more of a relationship with Captain Christ than Style does and he trusts Kant to be able to solve this mess. Kant is trying his best to negotiate with Captain Christ, even downright blackmails him. But Captain Christ insists that he can't let the brothers walk free. When he offers to reduce the brother's sentence down to five years, the brothers surrender. Bison explains that he's tired of running and that five years in prison is preferable to spending your whole life running away, because "If it has to be like that, I'll never get to really live." And now Style just has to speak up after all, because he really doesn't trust those cops: "Hey. You don't know if these cops will keep their word. What'd you do if the final sentence is death?"

To make this line hit harder, as @secriden pointed out in this post: The death penalty is still a thing in Thailand. I also went ahead and looked up some info on it:

Under the Penal Code alone, the death sentence can be applied to 35 crimes, ranging from offences against the King, treason, murder, rape in which the victim is killed and arson, to robbery which results in death. [...] According to the Thai Penal Code, prisoners who receive the death sentence can appeal for a royal pardon. The appeal must be made within 60 days of the verdict. Each prisoner can appeal only once. If the pardon is granted, execution will be commuted to life imprisonment. It is never known in advance when a death warrant is to be issued, and executions are performed only once in a while. Usually a death warrant arrives in the morning and the execution takes place in the evening of the same day. Before the day of execution, the police will take fingerprints from the prisoner to compare them to those in the prisoner's file to ensure that the wrong person is not executed. (source)

Murder is amongst the crimes one can be sentenced to death for, a crime that the brothers have carried out repeatedly. According to Wikipedia, executions are something that are carried out only sporadically these days, but it is still a very real possibility that Fadel and Bison could be facing. And it's an outcome Style would rather not see happening. Kant agrees and asks Captain Christ "How can I trust you?" to which Captain Christ claims "I never go back on my word." Uh-huh. Sure. Nevertheless, Kant lets the decision up to the brothers. Style doesn't say anything either. There's not much to be done in this situation right now. Kant manages to bargain another 24 hours of freedom. The cops leave and this time the clock of their last day together starts ticking for real. And unlike in episode 6, this time everyone involved is aware of it, too.

No. 5: Comfort

Fadel and Style have ended up sitting outside Style's garage. Style, our usual optimistic ball of sunshine is staring gloomily into the air. This is the exact outcome that he's been dreading the most (save for maybe Fadel's actual death). Style is still holding it together fairly well, but he's struggling to stay positive about this. Fadel tries to cheer him up. "You did your best." But Style's best wasn't enough. He'll still be separated from Fadel. All his efforts were for nothing. Fadel will be taken away from him once their 24 hours are up and there's absolutely nothing Style can do about it to change that now. "If I found out earlier, you wouldn't have to go to jail." Style's voice sounds miserable and it's yet another sign of how upset he really is inside. Fadel can tell that for once Style can't see the bright side of things and tries to reassure him with even more urgency that this outcome isn't as bad as it seems. In fact, this is one of the two endings he'd been prepared for: jail or death. And going to jail on account of murder for only five years is as good of an ending as it gets. But Style, beacon of hope and optimism, still can't see the bright side, because even if Fadel will be okay (and most importantly: alive), it doesn't change the fact that Fadel will be ripped away from him and that he won't get to stay right by Fadel's side. "I don't want you gone for even a day." Actually, in Thai these words are the subtext, not the main text. In Thai Style makes it more about Fadel:

I don't want you to go (to jail) even for a day. กูไม่อยากมึงเข้าเลยสักวัน [guu - mâi - yàak - mueng - kâo - loiie - sàk wan] I - not - want - you - enter, get in(to) - [particle] - just one day

When they talk about going to jail, they say เข้าคุก [kâo kúk] which literally translates to "entering jail". In the above sentence, Style doesn't explicitly repeat the word "jail" but he does use the verb เข้า [kâo] (= to enter) and so it's clear he's referring to him not wanting Fadel to go to jail even for a single day. So Style not wanting to be without Fadel for even a day is actually the unspoken thing here. Explicitly he states that he doesn't want Fadel to be in jail for even a day and while Style definitely doesn't want Fadel to be far (ish) away from him, I think Fadel's happiness is certainly also an aspect of why Style doesn't want Fadel imprisoned. Style wants Fadel to have freedom and be happy. Style wants Fadel to finally live a life free of killing people. Style wants Fadel to finally live the life Fadel wants to live, not the life other people think Fadel should live (or that Fadel thinks other people think he should live). In episode 6 Style told Fadel "Try just being someone you want to be. We'll do it together. There's nothing to be afraid of" but with Fadel going to prison there is no "try being who you want to be". There is no "we'll do it together". Style looks at Fadel with the biggest sad puppy eyes.

Fadel looks away for a moment. Right now he can point out the bright side of things to Style, but there is nothing Fadel can change about the fact that he'll be taken to jail. This is the one thing he can't do make Style happy again. Fadel looks back at Style and tries to reassure him again anyway: "I have to take responsibility for what I did. I can't change the past. This could be a chance for me to start over. I want to be a good man who deserves everything you do for me." And here's a more literal translation for those who are curious:

I want to be a good person who is worth the fighting you do for me. กูอยากเป็นคนดีให้คุ้มกับที่มึงสู้เพื่อกู [guu - yàak - bpen - kon dii - hâi - kúm gàp - tîi - mueng - sûu - pêuua - guu] I - want - be - good person - that - be worth(while) - that - you - fight - for - me

(Alt. translation: [...] who is worth the effort you put in for me.)

I just adore that Fadel explicitly brings up Style fighting for him specifically, not just a general "what you do for me". Because Style has been fighting hard all episode. In fact, Style has been fighting for Fadel for a long time now. Not just for Fadel's freedom, but Style has also been fighting for their relationship (even when Fadel was the one blocking him) and also for Fadel's mental health (pulling Fadel out of bad thoughts whenever he was stuck in a downward spiral). And Fadel acknowledges this fight and he wants to live up to it.

Lastly, Fadel says: "We have one day together. I want to make the most out of it." Style doesn't say anything and I think he's actually waiting for Fadel to continue talking, to elaborate on what exactly it is that he wants to do. But Fadel only smiles at Style tenderly. And I just love the role reversal here, because so many times it's been Style who has given Fadel encouraging smiles, but this time around Style is miserable, Style is struggling to stay positive, Style can't even bring himself to smile and it's Fadel who returns the exact kind of smile he's received from Style over and over again over the course of the series. For once, Style gets to be on the receiving end of it.

Since Fadel doesn't elaborate, Style tells him: "What you want to do, where to go, what to eat, just let me know. I'll take you anywhere." His voice still sounds like he's about to cry any moment now. Fadel smiles again. What a very Style thing of Style to immediately offer to pamper Fadel. But Fadel doesn't need anything big for their last 24 hours together. "I just want to do something simple," he says, "Go where we feel comfortable, with just you and me." Or more accurately:

It's enough if we go to our spots of just you and me. ไปในที่ของเราให้มีมึงกับกูก็พอ [bpai - nai - tîi - kŏng rao - hâi - mii - mueng - gàp - guu - gôh paw] go - in - place, spot - of us, our - that - have - you - and - me - it's enough

Fadel doesn't just wanna go to random places where they can feel comfortable and at ease, Fadel wants to go specifically to their places, to their spots that hold significance in their relationship. And we'll see that later in the episode when Style mentions that they were gonna go get breakfast at the market aka one of their spots (before Style's dad talks them into having breakfast at home instead) and when they go to the Rise Up meeting location, another place that's very specific to Fadel and Style and the development of their relationship.

And again Style lets the choice of how and where exactly Fadel wants to spend his last 24 hours of freedom entirely up to him. Style will gladly do anything and go anywhere Fadel wants to do and go as long as Fadel is happy during these last 24 hours they have together. And yes, in reality it's also Style's last day with Fadel and so Style should also get a say in what they do, but his own wants are really not that important to him right now. All that matters to him right now is that Fadel is happy. Because if Fadel is happy, then Style is happy, too. Because "it makes me happy just seeing your smile". That's what Style told Fadel the first time he thought he was having a "last day" with Fadel back in episode 6 and it's even more true now.

Style's voice is still serious and down when says the choice is Fadel's, but now he doesn't sound like he's on the verge of crying anymore. Fadel lights up and asks "Can we start by hugging you for 10 minutes straight?" For the first time in this entire scene, Style smiles. It's a very small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes the way it usually does, but a smile it is.

Absolutely they can hug for ten minutes straight. Style nods and Fadel immediately buries his face in Style's neck. The smile on Style's face from just now immediately falls again. Fadel kisses his neck and Style looks so very sad.

He'll accept Fadel's choice to go to prison if that's what Fadel wants, but Style is really struggling with it. He can't bear to be separated from Fadel. On the outside Style might be holding it together, but I think on the inside he's already starting to fall apart. "Take your time," Style tells Fadel. Fadel isn't the only one who really needs this ten minute hug right now. And part of me wonders if maybe Fadel didn't necessarily suggest the ten minute hug for himself, but rather for Style, because he can tell how miserable Style is.

What I love the most about this scene is that we finally get to see Fadel comforting Style for once. Because so many times we've watched Style be there for Fadel, watched him comfort Fadel, watched him pull Fadel out of his dark mental place, watched him fight Fadel's negative view of himself. And even when Style was really upset about something, he never really got any comfort from Fadel. For example, in episode 4 Style spent a lot of time being extremely angry and hurt from Fadel ditching him after sleeping with him. And he also openly voices his anger and his hurt to Fadel (in the diner as well as at the Rise Up meeting). But in the end, in the greenhouse it's Style who's comforting Fadel and is there for him, when really Fadel should be the one making it up to Style and to try and patch things up with him. Or in episode 8, when Style is crying in the motel from all the trauma that Fadel had put him through that day: Fadel wants to comfort Style but in the end he doesn't and Style is still left to cry himself to sleep alone and he never knows about Fadel almost breaking after all. Style spends that night uncomforted (and remember, Style went through a lot: his best friend could potentially be dead, he had a near-death experience himself, he is worried sick about his dad and what losing the only family he has left might do to him, and on top of that Style's relationship is also on the line) and the next day just Fadel keeps being grumpy at him while Style swallows it all and puts on his cheerful face. And Fadel never even apologizes for any of it, while Style works really hard to make everything he ever did wrong up to Fadel.

So it's absolutely wonderful to see how Fadel is now finally in a place where he can comfort Style back and be there for him, too, when Style is feeling down. Usually Style is the character who's always optimistic about everything, who always finds the bright side of things and always keeps smiling no matter how bleak everything seems. And the fact that for once Style is entirely unable to find the sunshine in the rain really highlights and shows us just how devastated Style is about Fadel's arrest and their impending separation. And while it may seem like Style is holding it together fairly well, in reality he is completely and utterly crushed, so much so that he actually fails to find and see the bright side in this situation. And so Fadel does it for him. For the first time it's Fadel who stays positive, it's Fadel who looks for the bright side and points it out to Style. And Fadel is trying so hard to make Style see that bright side that usually Style always immediately seeks out. It's absolutely beautiful to watch.

And while I do think Fadel very much does need the ten minute hug himself, I think it's also part of the comfort he's offering to Style in this scene. Because he can tell that Style is trying to keep it together and to stay strong for Fadel and I think Fadel knows Style would never outright ask for comfort, because he wouldn't wanna burden Fadel even more with the additional worry about Style's well-being when Fadel already has to carry the burden of going to jail. And so I think Fadel asks for that hug on behalf of Style so that Style can hold onto him under the guise of it being for Fadel and Fadel's needs and Style can continue to seem like he's staying strong (though Style does show his vulnerability when he tells Fadel "take your time". With that he's telling Fadel Please don't let go of me just yet, please just keep holding me, I really need this right now). At the same time the hug lets Fadel hold onto Style as well, something that Fadel really needs right now, too. They get to hold onto and hold each other. The comfort is mutual.

No. 6: Family Breakfast with a Side of Marriage

It's the next day and Style is in a significantly better mood again. He's back to the Style that always stays positive. The boys greet Style's dad who immediately teases Fadel. "You're here often now, aren't you? This ain't no hotel, you know?" Fun fact, in Thai he's very direct in the first sentence already:

You come to sleep at my house quite often. มานอนบ้านกูบ่อยเลยนะ [maa - nawn - bâan guu - bòi - loiie - ná] come - sleep - my house - often - [particle for emphasis] - [particle]

This is the third time in the series that we were shown that Fadel slept at Style's place and the dad subsequently learned about it. I don't think three times is all that much, especially since we have no idea how much time has passed since the first time Fadel ran into Style's dad back in episode 6, so I'm gonna take this to mean that Fadel has spent many more nights at Style's place that we never got to see and most importantly, he most definitely spent the night at Style's place after sobbing his heart out on Style's lap at the end of last episode.

Although Style immediately shoots down both his dad's teasing as well as my headcanon right the next sentence:

It's not that often, no? ไม่บ่อยขนาดนั้นป่ะ [mâi - bòi - kà-nàat nán - bpà] not - often - that much - ? Official subs: He's not here often enough, more like.

Maybe this really is only the third time, after all. Style then mentions that they're going to get breakfast at the market and I'm happy the market gets at least a last mention. It is one of their spots after all. But Style's dad talks them into having breakfast at home. Fadel is a bit hesitant at first, but Style's dad orders them to sit down, because "You're dating Style. You're as good as being my family." Style throws Fadel a very satisfied look. His dad considering Fadel as basically his family is most definitely something Style is very pleased to hear. And so am I, because I was really hoping Style's dad would adopt Fadel. The boys sit down and Style immediately starts bragging about Fadel's burger making skills.

Style has some friendly banter with his dad and then at some point his dad turns to Fadel and asks "Well, Fadel. What are your plans for the future? Are you going to flip burgers for the rest of your life?" Style's happy face immediately turns serious when he looks over at Fadel. It's a risky question, considering Fadel most definitely will not be flipping burgers for at least the next five years. But Fadel says "It's my favorite thing to do. I guess I'll keep doing it" and Style is back to cheerfully bantering with his dad when his dad suggests Fadel opens a franchise. All Style's dad has to say to his son's teasing, though, is: "Hey, you gotta plan these things out thoroughly if you want to keep seeing each other. And since gay marriage is legal now, you two should definitely do that." And now I understand why we had to wait for what felt like forever for the series to air after they finished shooting. Even though we really weren't waiting all that long anyway, let's be real. I'm assuming they made sure to strategically air this episode until after the day same-sex marriage bill officially took effect on in Thailand (for future reference: this episode aired 13 days later). And yeah. This is the fourth reference to marriage we've gotten around Fadel and Style (here's the first one, if you missed the untranslatable pun). If they don't actually get married next episode, I'm going to fly to Thailand and personally strangle P'Jojo and his writers a little bit with my own two hands.

Fadel quietly smiles to himself while Style is a little bit done™ (affectionate) with his dad: "Don't jump the gun, old man. We just started dating." Actually, what Style says to his dad in Thai in the first sentence is "Don't 'wer'!":

อย่าพูดเวอร์ดิ [yàa - pûut - wer - dì] don't - speak - wer (over) - [particle]

If you forgot what the slang term เวอร์ [wer] means or you if you didn't read my ep3 or ep10 meta, let me just quickly drop my explanation from last week's meta here:

One of my irl-friends explained it to me a few months ago and I don't remember her exact wording (it was an oral conversation while we were out and about, not a written one) but she told me it comes from the English word "over" and it is used in the context of indicating that someone is being too much in the sense of someone is overdoing something (someone is doing/saying something that is "over" the level that the situation calls for). This article translates this slang term as "exaggerate" or "overstate" or "overreact".

So yeah, Style is more or less telling his dad not to be so extra with his words, because Style only just started dating Fadel. But his dad doesn't care. "Whatever. If you're getting married, do it before I die." Fadel and Style look at each other. Style's smile disappears from his face again. Their hands find each other under the table out of sight from Style's dad. If only they actually could get married soon. But they can't. Not for another five long years. But the truth isn't exactly something they can just share at the family breakfast table. Sorry, we can't get married, because I'm/my boyfriend is going to prison for a few years, because I/he regularly murdered people. Imagine that. But Fadel finds a way to smoothly talk himself out of this sticky situation. "Give me five years," he says. Style swallows. He hates those five years. Fadel continues. "I just want to save up enough money and I'll come talk to you, Dad." Now this is a language/cultural thing that doesn't really work in English, because first of all, you wouldn't call your friend's parents "mom" and "dad" and second of all, Fadel is actually using the word "dad" as a pronoun here, which is also strange in English, because you would be talking in 3rd person here, if you're directly addressing the dad:

Then I'll come talk to dad again. เดี๋ยวผมมาคุยกับ��่ออีกทีนะครับ [dĭieow - pŏm - maa - kui - gàp - pôh - ìik tii - ná - kráp] moment - I - come - talk, chat - with - dad - another time - [na] - [krub]

Style's dad is very delighted and pleased at being called "dad" by his son's boyfriend (as opposed to "uncle"), though he teases Fadel about it. His dad's reaction has Style smile again. Actually, I just adore this silent communication between Style and his dad here so much:

I think Style is quite happy to see how his dad is so chill about Fadel, so open to and almost kind of excited about accepting Fadel as a member of his family, especially considering we now know that this is the first time Style has brought anyone home and we also know from episode 5 that Style was really worried about his dad's reaction to him liking men. A few of you are likely familiar with the relief that Style must be feeling here. And then his dad also acknowledges it with a smile and a nod at his son... Please. I think I might cry.

No. 7: Paintball

After breakfast Fadel and Style go play paintball. I've seen some posts in the tags about how this seems "out of character" and also about how they (as well as Kant and Bison) should have spent their last 24 hours in bed together and that it's unrealistic that they wouldn't have slept together one last time. Of course, the paintball is mostly there to be a homage to the movie the series is based on, but it really doesn't bother me that it's there.

First of all, regarding those claims that it's unrealistic that they didn't sleep with each other... Well, it's canon that Fadel spent the night at Style's place and we didn't see them between their ten minute hug outside the garage and the next morning when they had breakfast. There is a gap in the story, so you can imagine all kinds of things that may have gone down once they reached Style's bedroom. You can write fanfiction about it. That's what the fanfiction gap is for. I say go write fanfiction about it. You know Joong wants you to.

Second of all, I think it ties in with the quote from episode 6 I already mentioned earlier: "Try just being someone you want to be. We'll do it together." I think in a way the paintball is a parallel to the concert in episode 6. Back then, Style was also spending a last day (night) with Fadel and while Fadel was entirely unaware of the fact that it could have been their last night together, they were still doing something that Fadel loved, they were doing something where Fadel could be himself. And if you've been following my meta series you'll know that Style has been trying to get Fadel to loosen up from the very first episode already. So I love this paintball scene, because even when Fadel was enjoying himself at the concert, his joy still seemed a little dimmed, as if he was a bit shy to fully let loose. But now, playing paintball, it must be the most carefree we've ever seen Fadel in the entire series so far. Fadel is being silly, and he's enjoying being silly with his boyfriend without any restraints, without feeling embarrassed about it even in the slightest. And I really thank the paintball scene to give me a glimpse of this side of Fadel.

Third of all, I like that they're not just spending all day staying in bed together, because honestly, that sounds kind of depressing to me. Because it would feel like you're just waiting for the clock to tick down, with the impending doom so painfully there in bed with them. And so I like that they're going out and are able to enjoy themselves, distracting themselves from and even entirely forgetting about what is waiting for them at the end of the day. I like that, even for just a brief moment, they get to be the most happy without the dark cloud of Fadel going to prison looming over them. They can just be themselves.

And fourth of all, I think Fadel is also doing it for Style. Because Fadel knows positivity is how Style deals with things. And slowly watching the clock tick down would break Style, so Fadel goes out to do something fun with Style. And Fadel fully lets loose for the first time and he turns into the sweetest boyfriend for Style, something that Fadel never really got be before. At least not with everything completely out in the open and with both parties fully aware of all the truths. Fadel has just one day of freedom left, just one last day in his relationship with Style (or so Fadel thinks), Fadel has nothing left to lose and so he turns into the sweetest boyfriend, almost like a goodbye present to Style. He's leaving Style with happy memories to look back on, memories full of laughter and joy.

And so I really don't mind that we got the paintball scenes in place of a bedroom scene. Besides, I'm never gonna say no to JoongDunk having fun on camera while being cute, whether it's DaoKluen playing around at the fish market, JokeZo chasing each other in the park, or now FadelStyle having the time of their lives playing paintball. At this point let me also just say, I love how Style complains about Fadel suddenly kissing his cheek, but at the same time basically presents his cheek for Fadel to kiss. Also, I'm sad we never got to see them sit intertwined like this in the series itself, so of course I gotta at the very least commemorate it here (courtesy of Dunk, I owe him my life 🙏):

When they are cleaning the paint off of each other, Style asks "Are you gonna be so sweet to me like this all day?" and if you've read my ep9 meta, then you'll know this has been a bit of a linguistic theme that got lost in translation. But more on that in a second, when another word also makes a return.

Fadel agrees that he's going to be sweet all day. Style is absolutely ready for it and says "It's too bad I didn't get to see your sweet side from the get-go. You wasted all that time being so mean to me." The word that Style uses for "mean" is โหด [hòht], which you may remember from my ep9 meta:

Style uses the word โหด [hòht] which is a word I actually discussed with my Thai friend after episode 7 and he explained that it can be translated in a few different ways depending on context, but usually it means "cruel" or "aggressive" or "brutal". I'm gonna go with "harsh" as a translation to have some consistency, because I feel like this word could work for all the lines that I'm about to drop.

I'm also just gonna bring some old lines back, for comparison (and I'm still sticking with "harsh" as a translation). Because "harsh" vs. "sweet" has been a bit of a theme, especially recently. In episode 4, when Style showed up in the kitchen he told Fadel:

No matter how harsh you are, I'm still hooked on you. มึงโหดแค่ไหนอ่ะ กูก็ยังติดใจมึงอยู่ดี [mueng - hòht - kâe năi - àh • guu - gôh - yang - dtìt-jai - mueng - yùu dii] you - harsh - how much - [particle] • I - [sentence link] - still - hooked - you - anyway Official subs: It doesn't matter how scary you are, I'm still hooked.

Then, in episode 7 when Fadel surprise attacked Style with a shower of kisses at the garage, Fadel had following complaint to Style:

When I'm sweet, you don't like it. ตอนกูหวานมึงก็ไม่ชอบ [dton - guu - wăan - mueng - gôr - mâi - chôp] when - I - sweet - you - [sentence link] - not - like Official subs: You don't like me being nice. When I'm harsh, you still scold me. ตอนกูโหดมึงก็ด่ากู [dton - guu - hòht - mueng - gôr - dàa - guu] when - I - harsh - you - [sentence link] - scold - me Official subs: You complain when I'm cold.

In episode 9, before they kissed in the ocean, Style teased Fadel:

Even when you're this harsh, you're still sweet with me. นี่ขนาดโหดนะเนี่ย ยังหวานกับกูเลย [nîi - kà-nàat hòht - ná - nîia • yang - wăan - gàp - guu - loiie] [interjection] - this harsh - [particle] - [particle] • still - sweet - with - me - [particle] Official subs: Even when you're threatening me, you're worried about me.

And moments later Style told him:

From now on I want you to use only your sweet side. ต่อไปนี้กูอยากให้มึงใช้แต่ด้านหวาน [dtòh bpai níi - guu - yàak - hâi - mueng - chái - dtàe - dâan wăan] from now on - I - want - that - you - use - only - sweet side Official subs: From now on, I just want to see you being lovey-dovey.

And the theme of "harsh" and "sweet" is coming back around in episode 11 when Style says:

What a pity I didn't get to see your sweetness from the beginning. เสียดายนะ ไม่ได้เห็นความหวานของมึงตั้งแต่แรกอ่ะ [sĭia daai - ná • mâi dâai - hĕn - kwaam wăan - kŏng mueng - dtâng dtàe râek - àh] pity - [particle] • didn't - see - sweetness - of you, your - from the beginning - [particle] Official subs: It's too bad I didn't get to see your sweet side from the get-go. You wasted a little too much time being harsh to me. เสียเวลาโหดกับกูไปหน่อยว่ะ [sĭia weh-laa - hòht - gàp - guu - bpai nòi - wâ] waste time - harsh - with - me - a little too (much) - [particle] Official subs: You wasted all that time being so mean to me.

And I just love seeing the development of Fadel being harsh towards Style and Style liking him anyway to Fadel still being harsh, but also his sweet side starting to come through to Fadel now being totally sweet without a hint of harshness whatsoever. They've really come a long way. Although, of course Fadel can't be too sweet and he still teases Style about it: "Who'd want to be sweet with an annoying guy?" Except he says it with a smile in his eyes and with the softest tone ever. Style still takes a little offense, throwing Fadel a look that is both offended and very affectionate at the same time while he grabs the hose from Fadel, ready to take revenge. But then, Fadel continues: "You're just like Bison. You always find something good in a bad guy." Style smiles, looks away for a moment, thinks, then replies: "I believe people can change." And we know this to be true, because Style once told Kant: "I believe in the power of love. Love can turn a bad guy good." Besides, Style has been proven right about people being able to change: Style has been watching Fadel change in front of his very eyes. The Fadel that dragged Style out of his restaurant by his feet would never have sobbed into Style's lap like that.

Style then continues to say that he loves a mission and this is also something we've been seeing over the course of the series. In the beginning he was open to the mission of hitting on Fadel for Kant and now towards the end he was always very willing to help in Fadel and Bison's missions against Lilly. As for Fadel he's got his very own mission in mind: Project Boyfriend. Style announces that he'll help Fadel turn over a new leaf and Fadel contemplates for a second, staring at Style almost in wonder, then laughs and says "You think this Project Whatever of yours is gonna work?" Then he asks "You think I can change?", except in Thai it's not a dig at himself but rather a dig at Style's abilities:

You think you can change me? มึงคิดว่ามึงจะเปลี่ยนกูได้ [mueng - kít - wâa - mueng - jà - bplìian - guu - dâai] you - think - that - you - will - change - me - can, be able to

It's a challenge to Style: I dare you to change me. And we all (including Fadel) know that Style isn't one to back down from a challenge. Because Style loves winning. Except Style knows he's already won:

I don't know if it's gonna work or not. สำเร็จไม่สำเร็จไม่รู้อ่ะ [săm-rèt - mâi săm-rèt - mâi - rúu - àh] succeed - not succeed - not - know - [particle] You're letting me grab you and kiss your cheek like that. มึงให้กูจับหอมขนาดนั้นนะ [mueng - hâi - guu - jàp - hŏm - kà-nàat nán - ná] you - let - me - grab - kiss cheek - like that - [particle] Is it working? สำเร็จป่ะล่ะ [săm-rèt - bpà - lâ] succeed - ? - [particle]

(Official subs: "You tell me if it works when you let me do this to you.")

To really hit this home, Style immediately makes a grab for Fadel's face and kisses his cheek Like That™. Style showers Fadel in kisses and it turns into a water fight full of laughter and love, the exact opposite of the one time in episode 2 when Fadel doused Style at the market. And on a last note, let's just appreciate Style biting Fadel's head, because biting is a love language (see section cover pic for this, I meant to add it as a gif, but I ran into image limit 😭).

No. 8: Romantic Dates at a DIY-Grave

After they're done playing paintball, Fadel takes Style to another very special spot: his very own DIY-grave. Considering how surprised Style sounds when he asks "Why is your name on this tombstone?" I think it's safe to assume that Fadel failed to mention that they were gonna be visiting his own grave. If Fadel even told Style about visiting a grave at all, that is. Fadel explains "I had it done for myself" and in Thai it's actually even more depressing than that:

I prepared the grave for myself. กูเตรียมหลุ��ศพให้ตัวเองอ่ะ [dtriiam - lŭm sòp - hâi - dtuua eng - àh] prepare - grave - for - myself - [particle]

I mean, of course as viewers we are very well aware of the fact that Fadel did it himself, since we actually saw him dig it back in episode 3, but it sure hits different actually hearing him say it out loud as well. That he himself did it. Not that he commissioned it for other people to do it, but that he himself did it (except for the making of the actual gravestone itself, I assume). Somebody give this man a hug and wrap him in a blanket.

This information sure hits Style, too, because he whips his head around to Fadel, his expression shocked. Fadel continues to say that no one knows about this, not even Bison, and Style really doesn't understand:

And why do you have to prepare like this? แล้วทำไมมึงต้องเตรียมขนาดนั้นด้วยอ่ะ [láew - tam-mai - mueng - dtông - dtriiam - kà-nàat nán - dûuay - àh] and - why - you - have to - prepare - like that, that much - also, too - [particle] Official subs: Why would you do that?

I think Style does have somewhat of an idea as to why Fadel would prepare his own grave, but asks for clarification so that he has the exact details and I like to think that he is also hoping against all odds that there is a non-depressing explanation for this. Style looks at Fadel again and this time his face is full of concern rather than shock. Style listens attentively as Fadel explains that he lives a risky life that could end at any moment and that he'll be dying alone. Fadel then goes on to say that he wants to be buried here and that there's no need for a funeral since he doesn't have any family and only Bison would be crying over him. Style raises his eyebrows for a moment, tilts his head a little, sighs, and then furrows his brows a bit, accompanied by a small headshake.

I think he is a little hurt that Fadel thinks Style wouldn't be crying at his grave. I think he's sad for both Fadel as well as himself that Fadel still can't seem to wrap his head around just how much Style cares about him and just how very loved he is by Style. I think Style is sad that Fadel is in a mental state where he'll just take it for granted that nobody would be willing to put in the time and effort it takes to love him and at the same time Style is also hurt that his very own efforts to love Fadel, everything that he's done for him, all of it just gets disregarded by Fadel in the process. Style didn't go through the past ten episodes for nothing. And so he reminds Fadel: "Your boyfriend is literally standing right here." Style will, in fact, be crying over Fadel. And because Style is Style who always looks at the bright sight of things, he then proceeds to announce: "I'll make sure your grave is well decorated with flowers and burgers on the daily." As soon as he's finished speaking, he turns his head to check on Fadel's reaction.

And Fadel? Is smiling brightly. It worked.

Style can go back to being serious: "And when I die, I'll be lying right next to you. I won't let you get lonely." He sits down and leans against the gravestone as he says this to really demonstrate his point. Then he holds out his hand to Fadel who takes it and Style pulls him down. Fadel smiles brightly and Style laughs as Fadel gets comfy next to Style. And there's a moment where Style stares at Fadel with an emotion that I can't quite put into words, a moment where he slips out of that happiness very briefly and takes a private moment to lose himself in Fadel. I think Style wishes Fadel didn't have to embrace death with such open arms as part of his everyday life. And I think another thing that is happening here is that Style's sadness and the heaviness of the impending separation is coming through for just a second while Fadel isn't properly looking at him. Style can't easily pull Fadel out of his lonely and lowkey suicidal mind and be his light in the dark when Fadel is locked up.

Style immediately jumps back into happy mode as soon Fadel meets his eyes again. "Even when we were ghosts, I'd still be yapping your ears off," Style says and warmly looks at Fadel who just stares at him, taking in his words. Then Fadel drops his head down to kiss Style's shoulder and Style uses the chance to sneak a forehead kiss. Fadel wasn't expecting that sneaky kiss and looks up at Style in surprise. Fadel laughs and Style watches him with a smile, but that smile has a much more serious air to it than usual. Fadel starts talking again and just like before Style listens attentively while Fadel confesses that he's been thinking less about dying ever since he met Style. And Fadel also tells him why that is:

Because you make me feel like I wanna keep on living so that I can be with you for a long time. เพราะมึงทำให้กูรู้สึกว่ากูอยากมีชีวิตต่อเพื่อที่จะอยู่กับมึงไปนานๆ [próh - mueng - tam hâi - guu - rúu-sèuk - wâa - guu - yàak - mii chii-wít - dtòr - pêuua tîi jà - yùu - gàp - mueng - bpai - naan naan] because - you - make that, cause - I - feel - that - I - want - live, be alive - further - so that, in order to - be - with - you - [particle] - for a long time Official subs: I want to keep on living just to spend time with you.

Yeah, I just wanted to put this language note here to highlight that it's not just that Fadel wants to spend time with Style, but that he wants to do so for a long time. That means Fadel is finally seeing a future for himself that doesn't end in (early) death, it's a happy future right by Style's side. A future where they'll be old men together. In a way, this is almost a response or maybe a parallel to Style saying "I'll still wanna be with you [when we're old]." Fadel wants to stay alive so he can have that old man yaoi future with Style.

This makes Style smile brightly and now his smile also reaches his eyes again. "That's the most romantic thing I've heard." Style starts teasing Fadel about it. Fadel isn't convinced. "You're making me feel like I'm being lame." But Style really means it. "You're just romantic in an oddly specific way. Who the hell takes their boyfriend to their grave? I doubt I'll ever find another one like you." No joke. Style leans in a little closer and tells Fadel: "Don't die on me just yet. Stay and be weirdly romantic with me for a very long time." Style also wants that old man yaoi future with Fadel. Very much so.

They look at each other for a moment. Then Style lifts his hand to Fadel's face and gently pulls him closer. Fadel turns a little more towards Style and leans his head forward to grant Style better access to his forehead which Style proceeds to kiss softly. Fadel leans in even more to kiss Style's cheek just as softly in response. Then Fadel leans his head down to kiss Style's thumb of the hand that is still lightly touching Fadel's face. The two of them bask in the time they still have left together. They stay seated, enjoying the nature and each other's company for a little while longer while they still can. The day will end soon enough.

No. 9: Therapy Session

Their next stop is the gym in which the Rise Up meetings are held. Back in episode 5 Style asked Fadel why he goes to the meetings and now several episodes later Fadel finally gives him a proper answer to that question, an answer that isn't just two sentences. Fadel goes because his parents were killed, yes, but Style finally learns the real reasoning behind it: Fadel prefers telling his stories to strangers to avoid being an emotional burden to anyone, since strangers don't really care that much. Fadel doesn't want anyone to worry. As always when Fadel speaks, Style listens attentively. And that's really interesting, because just now Fadel actually said:

Well, if people don't know each other, they'll just listen without really paying attention, right? ก็ถ้าคนเราไม่รู้จักกันเนี่ย ก็จะฟังผ่านๆ ใช่ป่ะล่ะ [gôh - tâa - kon rao - mâi - rúu-jàk gan - nîia • gôh - jà - fang - pàan pàan - châi - bpà - lâ] well - if - people - not - know each other - [particle] • then - will - listen - carelessly, superficially - right - ? - [particle] Official translation: When you don't know them, you don't really care about them much, do you?

(Alt. translation: [...] they'll just listen carelessly, right?)

My Thai friend explained the phrase ฟังผ่านๆ [fang pàan pàan] as "you listen but you're not really paying attention to what is being said", like you hear it but you aren't really listening. But Style does listen. Style listens attentively every time Fadel opens up. Style lets Fadel talk without interruption, lets him share whatever he wants to share without pressuring him. And lately, Fadel has been sharing with Style quite a bit and he also acknowledges that and the resulting growth: "But I just learned what it's like to share my sorrow. I don't feel so sad anymore. I'm happier." And now Style does finally comment:

You're a super deep person, you know? มึงอ่ะเป็นคนโคตร deep เลยรู้ป่ะ [mueng - àh - bpen - kon - kôht - deep - loiie - rúu - bpà] you - [particle] - be - person - very, extremely - deep - [particle] - know - ? Official subs: You’re way too deep, you know that?

I think Style is quite impressed, but not necessarily in the sense where he's completely in awe of Fadel, but rather I feel like there's almost a bit of disappointment behind it in the way he says that, as if he was disappointed at himself that he himself isn't like that. Especially because he then also sighs and continues with "I personally think I have no layers at all. I'm pretty boring." And it's interesting that overly confident Style would have such a low view of himself. But that might also just be where the "overly" part of "overly confident" comes into play. Although I don't think Style necessarily has low self-esteem, I think he's genuinely confident enough. I also remember some talk in the tags over the past few weeks that the thing about Style is that with him what you see is what you get. And I think this what Style might be referring to here. Unlike Fadel, Style doesn't really hide his emotions. He feels what he feels and his surroundings will know about it. He doesn't hide behind a grumpy pokerface where you have to dig deep to find out just how much is actually behind it. I think Style thinks he's a bit of an open book that takes next to no effort to read, which makes it (makes him) boring. But I (and my over 100k words of analysis) beg to differ. And so does Fadel: "No layers? But you're so sensitive."

Now, I looked up some definitions of "sensitive", because I wasn't sure to what extent I agree. Cambridge dictionary defines one meaning as:

easily upset by the things people say or do, or causing people to be upset, embarrassed, or angry

I'm not sure I would agree with saying Style is "easily upset by the things people say or do". He did take almost everything that Fadel threw at him in stride, after all, down to the constant stream of death threats, and Style even never really held a grudge (and if he did, it didn't last long). And as much as we all adore Fadel, we gotta admit Fadel's harsh behavior towards Style really was quite shitty at certain points, even if it absolutely makes perfect sense from his POV. The only thing I can think of right now where Style was "easily upset" is how upset Style was when Fadel blue-balled him in the kitchen in episode 4. But I think some of that anger and hurt was less about the kitchen incident and more about Fadel also ditching him in the storage room after they hooked up in the first place. Another moment I can think of where this definition may apply to is when Style cries in the motel bed, but as I mentioned in my ep8 meta, I think that crying is totally justified after the events of that day (as well as the day before).

As for saying "causing people to be upset, embarrassed, or angry", now that I can get behind a lot more easily. After all, making Fadel angry and upset is pretty much all Style lived for in the beginning of their journey and he most definitely also tried to embarrass Fadel on occasion (namely when he yelled at Fadel in the market place in episode 2 or when he caused a scene at the diner in episode 4). Although even that was very specific to Fadel, and we didn't really see Style make any of the other characters he interacted with angry or upset or embarrassed.

Another definition given on Cambridge dictionary is:

understanding what other people need, and being helpful and kind to them

Now this is a definition I absolutely and 100% agree with when it comes to Style. I've mentioned it in multiple of my metas already that Style likes to help and he also tends to mediate. As a mediator, he would have to be understanding of the needs of the people involved in the conflict in order to diffuse the situation with as little harm as possible.

Merriam-Webster also gives this definition:

delicately aware of the attitudes and feelings of others

We see this true especially with Fadel. Style is excellent at reading Fadel. We see it over and over again how Style will observe Fadel, will watch him closely, will watch him intently, will listen to him attentively, will read him and knows exactly what to say or how to act, especially the better he gets to know Fadel and the more he starts to care about Fadel. And personally I like to think that this is a skill that Style learned through his mother's illness and her death. While his mother was sick and dying, things must have been very emotionally difficult and likely also very tense at home and when his dad lost his bearings after the mother's death, Style probably also got quite some practice in reading and being aware of the attitudes and feelings of others (namely of his dad, back then).

I don't know in which way Fadel meant it when he said Style is sensitive, but he does hit the nail on the head with his next point: "You just mask it all under your jokes." Fadel got to witness this up close on their little road trip adventure. In his anger and hurt he wasn't exactly on his best behavior towards Style, but despite that Style kept flirting, kept yapping, kept making jokes about using the complimentary gifts or wanting his body to be dumped in a beautiful place so his ghost could haunt nature. I touched on it a little bit in my ep8 meta (section 2, the last 2-3 paragraphs) and then in a bit more detail throughout my ep9 meta, but I think Style was actually hurt by Fadel's behavior. And I think Fadel was kinda aware of it. If not in episode 8, then at the very least he realized it in episode 9 when Style was on his knees offering his life. And I just love that we have this confirmation that Fadel has learned to read Style just as much as Style has learned to read Fadel. They know each other equally.

Style replies: "Everyone has their own way of dealing with sadness, right? You pretend it doesn't hurt. I bury it under my positivity." And here's the literal wording, for those who are curious:

Someone like you uses indifference. อย่างมึงอ่ะก็ใช้ความด้านชา [yàang - mueng - àh - gôh - chái - kwaam dâan chaa] like - you - [particle] - [sentence link] - use - indifference As for me, I use cheerfulness. ส่วนกูก็ใช้ความร่าเริง [sùuan - guu - gôh - chái - kwaam râa rerng] as for - me - [sentence link] - use - cheerfulness

And I like to think this is also something Style probably learned or even actively chose to start doing through his mothers illness and death. We've seen Style use positivity/cheerfulness to deal with his problems plenty of times throughout the series and not just directly opposite Fadel, but also when Fadel wasn't around, most notably in episode 6 when Style and Kant were stood outside a locked restaurant as well as in episode 7 when Style and Kant were in the showers and Kant brought up the brothers' suspicious behavior. In my metas I didn't really explicitly say that Style's jokes were a mask or that he was using his cheerfulness to bury his problems, but when writing about the aforementioned scene of episode 6 I did say this in my ep6 meta:

And what's interesting about it is that during that little chat Style isn't even all that depressed, despite still not having any clue whatsoever about Fadel's whereabouts. In fact, he actually sounds kind of cheerful when he asks and talks about the cat, unlike in the scene before where he was simply just miserable. Style's tone as well as his expression do both get more serious when he says "I guess [the cat] misses Bison, then. He’s a food source, after all", but no matter how troubled he is about the whole situation, no matter how worried he is about Fadel's well-being and no matter how much he misses him, he won't let himself wallow in misery.

(bolded for emphasis)

And for the shower scene in episode 7 I wrote the following:

Just like in episode 6, Style refuses to just sit there in misery. He refuses to be stressed as long as there is still a small glimmer of hope that things end well. Yes, Fadel has been acting weird, but until Style has definite proof that something is indeed extremely wrong, he'll go and enjoy life. As long as there is still a positive, plausible explanation or a positive way out, he'll go and enjoy life. There could be something wrong, but there doesn't have to be and so Style chooses to hold onto the thought that there isn't anything wrong for now until proven otherwise. And with that energy, he goes bowling that same night.

He won't let himself wallow in misery and episode 11 explicitly confirms that this is indeed exactly how he deals with a situation and that Style is also very much aware of it. Honestly, I love getting the confirmation that Style is self-aware. I mean, I figured, because I know my boy Style is a smart man, but still, it's nice to have it explicitly stated in canon as well.

But this day and especially this place isn't about Style at all and so he brings the conversation back around to Fadel: "But I don't want you to think you're a burden to anyone." It's important to Style that Fadel really understands that. And it's even more important that Fadel understands that he most definitely isn't a burden to Style specifically. Style has finally managed to get Fadel to trust him enough to open up and to share and Style just wants Fadel to keep on sharing. "Whatever you're feeling, I'm here if you need to dump it on someone," Style says. Fadel laughs a little, then amusedly asks "Whatever I'm feeling?" Style smiles a bit, then determinedly gets up and firmly confirms: "Whatever you're feeling." Fadel challenges him a little: "If I get sad?" Style walks two steps towards Fadel, then says "I'll cry with you. I'll wipe your tears." We haven't yet seen Style cry with Fadel, but we did very much watch him gently wipe tears from Fadel's face only last episode. Fadel knows that Style is speaking the truth, because Style has done it before. And Style knows Fadel knows it's true. There is no doubt about it, because Style has already done what he says he will do. Fadel smiles and asks "If I'm happy?" Style walks two more steps towards him, saying "I'll laugh with you." This, too, is something they've done together on quite a few occasions by now, most recently only mere hours ago when they were playing paintball. This, too, is something that Style has already proven to be true. Style looks at Fadel expectantly, ready to shoot back a confident answer in the blink of an eye for whatever other mood Fadel is throwing at him. But Fadel is completely serious now, no longer challenging Style. He no longer needs to, Fadel already believes him, because Style has already proven his words to be true even before they were out of his mouth. In a serious tone, Fadel goes "And if I..." and the way Fadel trails off is quite reminiscent of the way Style trailed off in episode 4 when he said "Having a boyfriend is great. You have someone to embrace, to love, and to…" Style takes his last step towards Fadel, sits in his lap, straddling him, and says "I'll help." Then he kisses Fadel, proving these words to be true, too, just like the other ones.

They won't get to kiss each other for five long years, so Style wants to stock up. When they're done kissing, Style moves into a hug. But Fadel leans forward for a moment to kiss Style's neck and Style actually looks surprised and a little caught off guard with the way he blinks and raises his eyebrows.

No matter how cheerful of a front Style has been putting up all day and no matter how much he genuinely was cheerful at certain points since they got up this morning, deep down Style has been in pain about the impending separation all day, too. And right then and there, wrapped in Fadel's arms, with his face where Fadel can't see it... Style finally lets himself feel that pain. At least a little bit. Unlike Fadel in episode 6, Style is not (yet) crying.

And this right here is exactly why I think it's good they went out and played paintball. Because Style already looked so sad the night before during the ten minute hug, and now that he's back in Fadel's arms again he looks even more miserable. He looks like he's about to start crying any second. If they'd spent all day in bed, even if they had slept together (even if multiple times), I think during the downtimes where they would have just been cuddling Style would have just been miserable as he feels the minutes, the hours passing by. And I don't think Fadel would have wanted Style to spend his last 24 hours with Fadel feeling sad and upset and dreading the moment they have to say goodbye. Especially because Fadel is fully aware of the fact that Style uses positivity and cheerfulness to deal with sadness. And I'm glad Style got to have at least a few hours where he was completely distracted from his hurt about the separation and where he was able to genuinely smile and be happy and have fun without feeling awful. Because the grief will catch up soon enough. The grief is already catching up. They remain seated holding onto each other like this for probably quite a while.

No. 10: A Present

The last stop of the day before Fadel has to go is, of course, the Heart Burger restaurant. Style is back to being his smiley self. He's standing in the kitchen with Fadel, about to prepare some food, because Fadel wants to cook food with his partner that is do what he loves with the person that he loves. Fadel loudly announces that it makes him happy and then smiles towards the table, looking almost kind of shy. Style watches Fadel fondly, his expression loving and warm.

Fadel opens up about his history in the restaurant business and says he likes Heart Burger best, to the point where he was considering running it as a serious business once he'd quit being a killer. Style's expression turns a little more neutral while he's intently listening to Fadel talk. But then Fadel says "Who'd have thought…" and trails off and Style's smile from before is gone completely.

I think there are two things happening here: the first thing is that Style's need to help (especially those he loves) immediately has him try thinking of a solution where the Heart Burger might be saved while Fadel goes to prison. And the second thing, which is more subconscious I think, is that the impending goodbye really hits him again. His main concern is Fadel and how to keep Fadel's restaurant safe for him while Fadel is gone, but I think for a moment he's also feeling very much not okay again about Fadel being taken away from him in the first place. Then Style's eyebrows shoot up as a solution pops into his mind: "You want me to run this place while you're gone?" Fadel looks up, sees Style's very serious and earnest expression, huffs a little and says: "Just focus on your garage. I don't want this place to go out of business just yet." He smiles a cheeky little smile while he says the second sentence and his teasing works. For a moment Style comes out of his serious mood as he complains "Oh, you underestimate me". Actually, I asked my friend about the expression ดูถูก [duu tùuk] that Style uses here and my friend translated it as "to insult":

Don't you think you're insulting me a bit too much? มึงดูถูกกูไปป่ะวะ [mueng - duu tùuk - guu - bpai - bpa - wá] you - insult - me - to (much) - ? - [particle]

Style immediately goes back to being earnest and serious when he says "With a little training, I can do it, you know?" Fadel looks at Style, his expression warm, and Style gives him an encouraging little nod. He is very much willing to put in the effort for Fadel. If Fadel loves this restaurant and wants to do it as a full-time job then Style will happily do everything that he can to keep it safe for Fadel until Fadel returns.

Fadel takes off his gloves, then reaches for his pocket and says "You don't need to" and the first time I watched the episode for a split second I thought he was about to pull out a ring and propose to Style right then and there. And with the way Style looks down towards Fadel's hand I wonder if Style was thinking the same thing for just a moment. What Fadel pulls out isn't exactly a ring, but it might as well be: it's the Heart Burger pin. The very pin that they argued about the third time they met back in episode 1. The very pin that Fadel so irritably demanded to get back. Fadel is now holding that very pin out to him. Style just stares at it, not moving a muscle. Fadel then says out loud that he's giving it to Style and Style looks at him and, still in shock, asks:

But you're very protective of it, aren't you? แต่มึงหวงมากเลยไม่ใช่หรอ [dtàe - mueng - hŭuang - mâak loiie - mâi châi - rŏh] but - you - protective - very much - no - ? Official subs: But you love it so much, don’t you?

Style uses the word หวง [hŭuang] here which in series will often get translated as "possessive" or "jealous" (especially when it's used to refer to being หวง [hŭuang] about a person), but my friend explained that this word is also used to express that the thing is something you wanna keep to yourself, something you wanna keep in your sight (in the words of my friend: "Normally you would never let this out of your sight"). He also explained that when it's an object you might also have a certain way to use it/go about it. I thought "protective" would work quite well as a translation here, because it also implies that you want to keep the thing in your sight to watch over it.

So Style is very surprised that Fadel is actually entrusting him with the pin since Fadel is so หวง [hŭuang] about it and Fadel explains: "That's exactly why I want you to take care of it." Style searches Fadel's face, still in disbelief, but he's starting to smile now. Fadel moves to put it on him right above his heart and Style's smile grows bigger, but then falls a little again when Fadel looks away. Style's eyes stay fixed on Fadel while Fadel puts the pin on Style's shirt. In the middle of the action Fadel looks up at Style's face and Style smiles small fond smiles at him as he keeps staring at him. He is so in love.

Fadel is done attaching the pin and speaks compliments, looking proudly at the pin. Style falls into his own world a little bit as he looks down at it. Quiet wonder and amazement grows on his face while he lifts his head, lost in thought, and then looks back down at the pin.

This may not have been an actual marriage proposal, but it is as good as one. Style finally comes back to reality. He turns to Fadel and says: "It feels really safe when you're by my side." And it's so nice to see what a long way Style, too, has come from "It feels so weird every time I'm with you. Sometimes you make me feel so scared, and sometimes you make me feel so safe" back in episode 5. Style smiles at Fadel very fondly again. Fadel looks up surprised and smiling a little, too. In the end he laughs and comments "What is that, all of a sudden? Gives me the creeps." Fun fact, in Thai he's not creeped out but:

I'm gonna puke. จะอ้วก [jà - ûuak] will - puke

Still happy, Fadel instructs Style to cut the onions (is it onions because we're about to lead into a scene that has us go "is someone cutting onions or why are my eyes wet"?) and Style smiles brightly at Fadel and amusedly shakes his head at Fadel's reaction to his words. Then he turns towards the cutting board, but not without looking at Fadel one more time.

The scene ends in a montage of the two of them by the stove, making their burgers all while they smile together, laugh together, and constantly look at each other.

No. 11: The Last Supper

Dinner is done, the table is set, and the two of them are ready to eat. Style is impressed. "I want our last dinner to be special," says Fadel. Style looks up at him, eyes wide in shock. "Don't say 'last dinner'." Style doesn't wanna hear it. It's not gonna be their last. It's just not. "We'll be together when you're out of prison." Actually what Style says here is:

We'll get to eat more [meals] when you're out of jail. เดี๋ยวมึงออกมาจากคุกก็ได้กินอีก [dĭieow - mueng - òhk maa jàak - kúk - gôh - dâai - gin - ìik] moment - you - come out of - jail - [sentence link] - get to - eat - more

And this wording just really reminds me of episode 6 after the concert when Fadel promised "When I'm back, there'll be more nights like this." It's not just that they'll be together in general when Fadel is back, but they'll be able to do specific activities together again. This activity specifically. Eating dinner together. (Though from the behind the scenes we already know that Fadel will be keeping his own promise, too. EDIT: Joke's one me, turns out it's a deleted scene that never made it into an episode. I cry.) In a way, Style's words are as much of a promise as Fadel's words were after the concert. Or rather, Style's words are a firm decision. A fact, even. In five years they'll be eating more dinners, any other option is absolutely and entirely out of the question.

But for Fadel, the future isn't so clear: "I don't know what the future holds. I just want to make the most out of tonight." Style doesn't try to convince Fadel otherwise, but instead says "Let's plan our life, then." And that's interesting, because this is the second time this episode that Style is planning something or wants to plan something where Fadel, who's usually the planner out of the two of them, doesn't have any plans at all. Style's relationship with Fadel is so important to Style that even he starts planning now. Though I think this time around it's more than that. Style is very well aware of the fact that Fadel is a planner, well aware that Fadel plans out his whole life. But now, Fadel suddenly faces uncertainty for his future. And I think when Style offers to make plans it's also an offer of comfort, because he knows having plans gives Fadel reassurance. And if plans are what Fadel needs to stay confident in his relationship with Style throughout his time in prison, then Style will gladly sit down and make those plans. He'll do anything to make Fadel feel better and he'll also do anything to keep Fadel by his side. Because giving up (on) Fadel is simply just not an option. In a way this also parallels how Fadel was trying to look for the bright side earlier in the episode when Style couldn't. Now Style is trying to make plans when Fadel can't. But Fadel doesn't follow, so Style elaborates:

Let's plan how we're gonna be in a relationship while you're in jail. วางแผนว่าเราจะคบกันยังไงอ่ะ ตอนมึงอยู่ในคุก [waang păen - wâa - rao - jà - kóp gan - yang-ngai - àh • dton - mueng - yùu - nai - kúk] to plan - that - we - will - date, be a couple - how - [particle] • when, while - you - be - in - jail Official subs: Let's plan how we're going to make this work while you're in prison.

Because of course Fadel going to jail is not equal to a break-up in Style's mind, the same way Fadel's death threats didn't mean they were broken up either. And obviously they're still gonna be a couple while Fadel is in jail. But Fadel doesn't see how that's possible:

How can we be in a relationship? จะคบยังไงอ่ะ [jà - kóp - yang-ngai - àh] will - date, be a couple - how - [particle] Official subs: How are we going to do that? You'll be on the outside and I'll be on the inside. มึงก็อยู่ข้างนอก กูอยู่ข้างใน [mueng - gôh - yùu - kâang nôk • guu - yùu - kâang nai] you - [sentence link] - be - outside • I - be - inside Official subs: You'll be here while I'm there.

Style doesn't say anything for a moment and Fadel continues speaking: "Style… You don't have to wait for me. Just do what you want to do. Think of our time together… as a fun period of your life." Style looks at Fadel, almost in shock and says "No." Style's voice is a little shaky, he almost sounds a bit scared. Fadel is not breaking up with him just because he's going to prison, Style absolutely will not let that happen. "It doesn't have to be a big deal," he says, his voice now steady again. Fun fact, in Thai he actually explicitly says that คุก [kúk] (= jail) doesn't have to be a big deal. So what if Fadel is in jail? "I can visit you every week." But Fadel simply cannot imagine a world where someone would put in so much effort for him: "I'll just be a burden to you."

Except, there is someone out there who is more than happy to put in all that effort and it's Style. "What burden? I'm willing to take it." When Style says that he's willing to take on the burden there is so much urgency and a little bit of desperation in his voice. And I think it's not just because it's important to him that Fadel understands it for his (Fadel's) mental well-being, but I think Style is also hurt that Fadel is currently in the process of disregarding Style's own feelings on the matter again as he has done many times before. Fadel can have as much trauma as he wants and Style is understanding of that, of course, but it's still not a great experience to constantly receive messages along the lines of "you're feelings aren't real, what you think doesn't matter, I don't believe you". Because Style really means it when he says he still wants this relationship to continue even with Fadel in prison and he means it when he says he can (and will) visit him weekly. And it hurts Style that Fadel just refuses to see that, refuses to acknowledge that in any way. This relationship is made out of two people and Style also has his own agency here which Fadel is just completely brushing aside when he insists that Style wouldn't do the things Style says he would. And that just hurts, especially when Style has proven his words to be true over and over again. Fadel's behavior is not entirely fair to Style.

Style is so very willing to take the burden and he's starting to get stressed, because no matter what he says Fadel just won't believe him. Fadel just continues to disregard Style's wants and needs and predicts a dark future instead: "At first, you will. But you won't always be able to. You're out here, you will meet a whole lot of people." Style, however, can read Fadel pretty well by now and he comes to a realization as Fadel is speaking:

So you're... scared I'll forget you, aren't you? นี่มึง... กลัวกูลืมมึงใช่มั้ย [nîi - mueng... gluua - guu - leum - mueng - châi mái] [interjection] - you... scared - I - forget - you - right? Official subs: Are you… scared of being forgotten?

And I think the original wording is important here again, because the official translation just generalizes it and kind of makes it sound like being forgotten is something that just sort of happens to Fadel in a passive way. But I think the thought that terrifies Fadel the most isn't that he becomes invisible for the world in general, but specifically that the one person that means the most to him in this life will forget him. He's terrified that Style will actively forget him. And Style clocks that, because he's excellent at reading Fadel and directly calls him out on it, giving Fadel no real out, making Fadel face his fear.

Fadel takes a while to reply as he goes through a whole emotional journey first. Style keeps his eyes fixed on him. Then Fadel finally says: "What else can I do? When I'm in there, all I'll do is think… if you forgot me already." Style knew this answer was coming and is quick to reply. He leans forward. "How could I forget you?" No, really, how could Style ever forget Fadel? Style sounds almost a bit offended when he asks this. "You dragged me out of this place. We ran away from gunshots hand in hand. We slept together in the woods and kissed in the ocean." Just like before, there is urgency in Style's voice. What he is saying here is important to him. And there is also a bit of desperation again which grows the longer he speaks. Because in reality, Style is also scared as much as Fadel is. Both of them are scared of losing the other, but in entirely different ways. Fadel is scared that Style will forget him and so he deals with it by preemptively pushing Style away before he can get hurt from Style (potentially) dumping him like Fadel has been dumped before (or so Fadel thought). Fadel deals with it by preemptively locking his heart up again and with that locking Style out of it. And through that he's also the cause of Style's fear. Because Style doesn't want to be pushed out, doesn't want to stand in front of Fadel's locked heart. He wants to stay with Fadel. But when Fadel is in prison for five long years it'll be much harder to pull him out of his downward spiral whenever Fadel starts having doubts again. And Style is terrified of losing Fadel right then and there, just because Fadel is already predicting the worst and is completely disregarding the reality of Style's feelings again. By the end Style's voice is really desperate and stressed when he says:

Experiences like these aren't easy to come by. (lit. "aren't easy to find.") ประสบการณ์แบบนี้มันไม่ได้หาง่ายๆ นะเว้ย [bprà-sòp-gaan - bàep níi - man - mâi dâai - hăa - ngâai ngâai - ná wóiie] experience - like this - it - not - find - easy, easily - [particle] Official subs: Those aren't something I'll have with just anyone.

Style is terrified of losing Fadel, he is hurt that Fadel is completely brushing off Style's feelings and perspective on the matter, and Style is also kind of angry that Fadel is pulling this shit on Style once again. Style is a little done with Fadel constantly dismissing Style's feelings and actions, when Style has proven his loyalty and his feelings time and time again. It is of utmost importance that Fadel really understands and internalizes the fact that Style loves him and will stay by his side no matter what and that Fadel's behavior also affects Style, hurts Style. To really emphasize on his point, Style finishes with a firm and decisive "I can't forget you."

Style's little speech and outburst of emotion really hits Fadel. He takes a bit to respond and when he does, it sounds like there is a lump in his throat. "I'll believe you." Style doesn't immediately respond either. He looks at Fadel for a moment and then takes his hand. "Let's just eat. I'm getting hungry." Style is smiling now, his voice is a little breathless and you can just feel the relief oozing out of him. The relief that Fadel believes him. The relief that Fadel isn't disregarding Style's feelings again. The relief that Fadel isn't breaking up with him.

Style moves to grab his burger, then holds it out to Fadel to feed him. Fadel takes a bite, then feeds Style in return. If the gift of the pin earlier was an engagement, then the mutual burger feeding is the ring exchange. It seals their mutual commitment to each other. Fadel asks if the burger is good and Style replies "I won't ever forget the taste." This isn't about the taste of the burger. It's not about the burger at all. Fadel doesn't reply, but judging by his facial expression, he definitely has another lump in his throat.

I can't tell if it's just the lighting, but to me it kinda looks like Style has some tears in his eyes in these shots?

Might really be just the lighting, though. Fadel, however, definitely teared up from the way his voice sounds when he makes a "mh-hm" sound and the way he sniffs. He takes a bite of the burger and some crumbs get stuck around his mouth. Style reaches over to brush them off, but really, he wipes away a tear. They keep eating. They don't comment on the tears.

Side Quest: First Boyfriend

I find it very interesting that Fadel was revealed to be Style's first boyfriend, especially because @nnnn99999 actually brought this possibility up after only the second episode:

What if Style is not an expert player? In fact, what if Style is not experienced at all? What if Style has been waiting for his one true love all this time? What if Style just wants a man to fall in love with and spend the rest of his life together with?

In her post, @nnnn99999 mostly makes a case of Style not really sleeping around, but I know she explicitly mentioned the possibility of Fadel being Style's first boyfriend, though unfortunately I can't find where exactly she said this right now (@nnnn99999 feel free to send it to me, if you have it at hand 🙏). In episode 4 @secriden also wondered: "Also, a thought that occurred to me - could this be Style's first relationship?" So how do you guys feel about being right? 😂

In her post, @secriden then continues to say "We know from episode 1 that he sleeps around, but there's seemingly no mention of a previous serious/committed relationship so far", but if you've been following my metas you'll know that I'm actually with @nnnn99999 on this one. Especially in the Side Quest section of my ep3 meta I go into detail why I think Style likes to flirt around and loves the attention he gets out of it, but doesn't actually sleep around. Throughout my metas I've also kept emphasizing on the fact that sex matters to Style and that I think Style makes deliberate choices about who he sleeps when he actually does sleep with someone (and Style wanting to make his own choices is also confirmed in episode 5).

Side note: I'm not gonna reiterate everything I've ever said about Style not sleeping around, but if you wanna know my thoughts I recommend you go check out my ep3 meta (section 2 side quest + section 14), my ep6 meta (section 2 side quest), and my ep7 meta (section 1 side quest).

Now with the reveal of Fadel being Style's first boyfriend and with the perspective of "Style is not a player" one could assume that Style might even have been a virgin before meeting Fadel, but my personal headcanon is that Style did go out and experience a bit here and there (maybe as a teenager, for example). It's just, as I've stated many times before, I don't think Style slept around regularly the way that Kant did. We didn't even get a single mention to a past hook-up when it comes to Style, while it did come up with Kant a bunch that he sleeps around. Style, instead, has always been all "I want to find love, I want a boyfriend" from the very beginning: even in the very first scene where we, the audience, meet Style for the first time he already tells Kant: "For real, man. Quit it with your one-night-stands and just get a real lover." Style hasn't even said 10 full sentences in the series at this point (it's his 8th line, depending on how you count them). For those wondering about the original wording, the official translation is roughly what Style says in Thai, but the original wording is a bit softer:

Please, I'm asking you... กูขอเหอะ [guu - kŏh - hùh] I - ask (for), request - [particle] Quit the one-night-stands and find a boyfriend for once. หยุดเสียวระยะสั้น แล้วหาแฟนสักที [yùt - sĭieow - rá-yá sân • láew - hăa - faen - sàk tee] stop - excited, aroused - short-term • and - look for - boyfriend - just once

(Side note: I decided to translate "faen" as "boyfriend" rather than the genderneutral "lover" here, because episode 10 confirmed Kant is strictly into men.)

Just from that alone we can understand that Style puts being in an actual relationship above sleeping around. It's Kant who is introduced as the person who scans the room for his next "victim". In comparison, Style walks up to him and is only focused on that drawing of a car on his phone screen. Style cares more about cars than he does about potential hook-ups (and we'll see just how true that is only a few scenes later when Style basically makes love to Kant's car). Style isn't paying attention to his surroundings at all, because unlike Kant, Style isn't there to look for his next body count. And then he even also complains that Kant is looking around instead of paying attention to Style. It's Kant who claims that Style is a player, but Style responds very skeptically to that claim, clearly disagreeing, the tone of his voice full of disapproval. What Style does then is that he goes attention seeking and showing off his waist, but we never actually see him engage with an actual person. And it's Kant who leaves the scene with a one-night-stand, while Style drives home alone. And even though Style also encourages Kant to go after Bison, he still sighs and makes a comment about how he's "left behind, once again" when Kant walks away from him, which doesn't exactly sound like Style approves of that way of life.

It's Kant from whom we hear things like "I did that to so many people. A taste of my own medicine, I suppose" and "But I stopped doing that since the day I met you." in reference to sleeping around and ditching people in the morning. Bison also explicitly states at one point "I never dated anyone seriously. But the guys I hung out with, like you [Kant], I enjoyed their company", implying that he also isn't a stranger to one-night-stands (and we even got to witness that considering Kant and Bison started out as a one-night-stand where the two of them wouldn't have seen each other again if Captain Christ hadn't happened).

Style, though? We never see him engage in a one-night-stand, nor does he ever make any references to past one-night-stands or people he's been (in bed) with. In fact, the one time he mentions that he had the opportunity to be set up with someone, Style talks about how he actually declined it. Style did not go after the person his dad suggested to him, when that would have been an easy catch. Style is all about "find a boyfriend" and "[Having a boyfriend] is great" and "I want your body and your heart" (The "and heart" is the key part here! Not just the body, but also the heart!). When Fadel wants to ditch him in the storage room in episode 3, Style doesn't like that one bit and even straight up tells Fadel: "What kind of man do you take me for? I might look like I play around, but I'm damn devoted to love. I want to date." And that's the thing. Style says he looks like he plays around. He doesn't say that he is someone who plays around. In fact, he is quite offended by the implication that he's a player which is evident from his question "What kind of man do you take me for?" as well as his annoyed and skeptical tone when he responds to Kant's claims of Style being a player in episode 1. Style is not that kind of man that sleeps with someone and then ditches them. And he'll get offended if you try to imply that he is. And if you do that to him, if you sleep with him and ditch him after, then you will have a problem. That's literally his plot of episode 4.

Style loves romance (as we learn in episode 8 and we see proof of again in the first scene of this very episode) and Style wants to be in a relationship, which to me just makes it more obvious that Style doesn't really sleep around. Because a life of one-night-stands isn't exactly very romantic and it's also the complete opposite of the life with a boyfriend that Style wishes for. And so it's interesting that Style was never in a relationship before Fadel came along. Because Style so clearly wants to be in a relationship, wants to have someone by his side. And in episode 5 we learn that Style wants to choose who he is with for himself, but the reveal that Style has actually never had a boyfriend before Fadel highlights just how picky Style really is. Style dreams of a relationship, but he's not desperate to be in a relationship so that he'd date just anyone. Because if he had been desperate for a relationship, he could have easily gone along with his dads antics of setting his son up with a random mechanic. But Style refused to go along. Because Style is picky about who he is with. And before Fadel, there was no one Style deemed worthy or interesting enough to want to pursue a relationship with them. But Fadel is worthy and interesting enough for Style to want to pursue a relationship with him. And not just that, Style fights tooth and nail to keep this relationship.

No. 12: Torn Apart

The 24 hours are up and the gang meets with Captain Christ for the brother' arrest. Fadel turns to Style for a few words of goodbye, which include: "Don't drive too fast. Don't drive when you've been drinking, and don't be on your phone." This, of course, is a callback to the very first time they met and their very first conversation. I wonder if Style has told Fadel by now that their first few meetings were really a coincidence and actually didn't have anything to do with Kant at all.

Style also has a few words to say to Fadel. Style is concerned and worried about Fadel, but even though they're about to separate, Style is still holding it together at this point. His voice is steady and there aren't any tears in his eyes. Kant and Bison also say their goodbyes and after Captain Christ says "Time to go" and with that Fadel getting ripped away starts to become real, that's when Style makes a pained face and starts to tear up. But he immediately bites his tears back again as he turns to look at Fadel.

It hurts so much, but Style is being so brave about it. However, we can tell that he's very much not okay right now. He sniffs a little when he nods after Bison tells him to take care of Kant. Then Bison tells him to make sure Kant eats properly. Style replies "Mhm. I'll keep an eye on him" and he's smiling, but his breathing betrays him as well as his shaky voice when he goes "Mhm" before he starts speaking. But he's still staying strong. He looks miserable when he looks at Fadel, but he's still holding back the tears. And he keeps holding back his tears while he watches Fadel get arrested and taken away.

When the police car is gone, Kant turns to Style and asks him if he's alright. Style nods and sighs as if he's breathing out all the tension and it looks like he almost smiles a little. But the truth is that as much as he wants to believe he's okay and as much as he thinks he's okay and that he's got this... Style is very much not okay. And it's over the moment they sit down. Style can no longer keep the brave face up.

(Sorry, quick side tangent, but the fact that he's still wearing the Heart Burger pin in this scene absolutely shatters my heart into a million pieces.)

In episode 5 Kant told him "Once those two get arrested, we walk free" and back then Style shook his head because that wasn't how he'd imagined his happy ending. And now it actually happened. Now Fadel got arrested. And it's potentially the worst pain that Style has felt since his mother's death. His loved one got taken away from him again and now Style is breaking. We've seen him cry before, but this time Style is full on sobbing. And it's absolutely devastating to see the one character who's the sunshine of the show, who is the beacon of hope and optimism, who always looks at the bright side of things, who's always happy and cheerful and joking around... it's absolutely devastating to watch this character fall apart like that. And it makes so much sense for Style to finally break. After all, he's human too. And he's been holding it together for so long, especially throughout this entire episode.

Style did get a little upset right after Captain Christ agreed to give them those 24 hours and Fadel did have to comfort him then, but after that Style spent most of the day being happy and cheerful, despite the separation looming over them all day. And I think he put on his happy face partly for himself, because that is how he deals with situations as he himself stated only a few scenes ago, but I think he also partly put on his happy face for Fadel. I think he wanted Fadel to spend his last hours of freedom being happy rather than worrying about Style. And it's also quite interesting that Style holds it together while Fadel is still in front of him and only breaks once Fadel is completely out of sight. Whenever we did see his sadness peak through the happy demeanor, it was usually when Fadel couldn't see it or when Fadel wasn't properly paying attention. I think Style wanted to give Fadel as little reason to worry about him as possible while stuck in prison and unable to reach out and do anything. I think he wanted to send Fadel off to prison with a (mostly) happy image of Style. But the happy image can only last for so long when there is so much pain underneath. And so the moment Style doesn't have to stay strong for somebody else, he breaks under the weight. He falls apart completely and it's the most heartbreaking thing, because this is just not the Style we are used to seeing. And on that joyful note, we get to wait another week for the final episode. Or rather my final meta of this meta series. Because the next episode is already out by the time I'm publishing this. Oops.

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep12)

[captainlunaxmen]

No Complaints

Billy Hargove x fem!reader

Request: Can you do Bily Hargrove /innocent reader?

No one, and I mean, no one, would've expected someone like Billy Hargrove to date someone like me.

Like, compared to him, I'm not... very experienced, in relationships and shit, so yeah him being actually interested and also this patient is very unexpected, even for me.

This never stopped him from being all touchy and clingy, he always manages to find an excuse to touch me, not that I'm complaining, he never pressured me into doing it.

That's why I want to give him a little treat. Or at least I'll try to.

Today we study together, he needs to pass English so I offer to help. I just might heva a good incentive in mind.

"Why, tell me, do I have to study this guy writing about this... foursome?" Billy asks me, bored.

We have to study "midsummer's night dream" by Shakespeare.

"Because one, it's not a foursome, two there's so much more to see if you just focus" I gently tell him.

"It's boring"

"It's really not" I tell him with a small laugh.

"It is"

"It's not, c'mon, focus.. for me?" I look at him with doe eyes to trying and convince him.

"You and those eyes of yours don't help me, you know? I can't focus with you beside me" he looks at my lips with a teasing grin.

"Billy" I say rolling my eyes and turning back at the notes in front of me.

"Y/n" he answers mimicking my tone.

I ignore him and start to write something on my notes when his hand moves to my leg.

"Y/n" he says again, using that tone he knows makes me melt.

I feel him moving right next to me, he then moves some of my hair away from my neck to start leaving kisses on my neck.

"Billy..." I warn.

"Yeah?" He not-so-nnocently asks.

"We need... w-we need to... we need to s-study" I stutter.

"How can I study when you stutter so prettily?" He teases.

I decide so suddenly move away, gaining a whine from him..

"How about this? We study, for each correct answer you get to either kiss me wherever you wsnt, or you get a kiss" I suggest.

I feel his face lighten up at the suggestion.

"Fine" he finally says.

We did study, he tried more, thank goodness.

He actually put some effort, which is already enough, if I think about it.

"So... where are my rewards?" He asks after we're done.

"Told you, each correct answer"

"Then ask me" he says.

"No, silly, at the test on Monday." I say, with a small smirk.

"There a test on Monday?" He asks surprised

"Why do you think we've been studying this whole time?" I ask laughing.

"I... you tricked me"

"I helped you study" I correct him.

"You little minx" he says.

"I'm just a good girlfriend who helped her boyfriend study" I shrug.

A week has passed, we had the test and we also got the results.

Billy and I decided to look at his while together at his house.

"So.. you think you did a good job?" I ask him.

"An amazing job" he says proudly.

"Let's see" I say starting to read his test.

"Okay... yeah... oh.."

"Well?" He asks expecting.

"You got 7 correct answer out of 10. Congratulations, baby"

"Ah ah!" He exclaims. "So? My rewards?"

"Well.. you got 7 correct answers so... you get 7 kisses wherever you want or you either kiss me wherever you want" I explain to him again.

He immediately pulls me to him looking downa at me.

"Wherever?" He asks, a teasing grin on his face, but a sweet tone, more to see if I'm actually comfortable with it.

To answer his question I just lead him to his bed.

"Wherever" I assure him.

Without hesitating he kisses me, sweetly but passionately.

"One" he says after pulling away.

He then moves to my neck kissing it hungrily.

"Two"

He then looks at me, one of his hand playing with the buttons of my shirt.

"Can.. I?" He asks.

I nod.

"Really?" He asks, incredulously.

"Yes" I laugh.

He looks at me like a kid allowed to have another slice of cake.

He unbutton my shirt, moving down to immediately kiss my chest, between my breasts.

"Three"

He moves to kiss my right boob.

"Four"

The left boob.

"Five"

He moves lower, but stops, looking at me.

He doesn't want to make me uncomfortable, I know that.

I take his hands and move the to my jeans, silently telling him he can remove them.

He does just that and remove my jeans.

"You're fucking perfect" he says, making me blush like crazy.

He kisses just above my panties.

"Six" he smirks.

"Fuck me" I suddenly say.

He looks at me as if I turned into an elephant.

"What?" He asks.

I take a deep breath grabbing his hand again.

"Fuck me..?" I half question.

"Are you asking me, sweetheart?" He teases climbing back up to face me.

"Mhmm" I nod.

"You sure? We don't have to"

"I want to"

"You really want to?" He asks again.

"Yes, Billy"

"Okay then, get dress" he tells me getting up.

"Uh?" I ask confused sitting up. "I don't understand" I half laugh.

He walks back to me kneeling in front of me.

"I want it to be perfect for you. I don't want it to be a reward for me, so now I'm taking you out on a proper date, a nice dinner wherever you like and then take care of you"

I'm a little surprised by his actions, he always manages to leave me speechless.

"Is that okay?" He asks with slight worried expression.

"Yeah.. yeah! Of course" I reassure him immediately.

I quickly get dress.

He then grabs my hand leading me out, but before getting put of the door he stops to kiss me sweetly.

"And that's seven" he smirks, dragging me out to his car, making me laugh.

My god.. he's gonna be the death of me.

Not that I'm complaining.

[becauseimanicequeen]

hi 👋 i love your recent my stand in post. i honestly think the biggest criticism i have for msi has nothing much to do with plot but rather 'gah why is ming's rich boy wardrobe sooooo tacky'. so i wanted to ask what have been some of your favorite outfits of joe and ming so far in the series

Hi, Claire.

I love that question.

I've seen comments like that about Ming's clothes floating around, and they are valid. Honestly, though, I don't think Ming's wardrobe is too bad.

So let me rant about Ming's wardrobe for a bit (lol) before I answer your question...

I studied fashion in my late teens/early twenties and have seen the good, the bad, and the really ugly in the fashion industry since the late 00s/early 10s. Even though I'm not as deep into the industry as I used to be, Ming's wardrobe could've been much worse. But it isn't top-tier either. I feel like it's somewhere in between.

I don't know if it was for budget reasons or something, but I get the feeling that they grabbed whatever ready-to-wear/off-the-peg clothes they could find that were (mostly) black/dark and from a known brand. This isn't necessarily bad (I'll get into that in a moment).

However, considering Ming, his personality, and how Up portrays him, he just feels like a person who would wear more haute couture (custom-fitted clothes). They could've done that on a budget (without using high fashion brands), but I get the feeling that, perhaps, showing off brands was more important.

(If I remember correctly (which I might not, lol), there was a trend not too long ago where designer clothes had their logos prominently on the garments because it was trendy to show off where the clothes were from. Perhaps they planned/filmed msi around that time and were influenced by that trend...)

The positives I personally see with Ming's wardrobe is that I get the feeling that they focused on darker colors (mostly black) to reinforce that he is the moody brooder he is. So far, I feel like they've managed to get that right and it suits him really well.

Another thing I feel like they got right is that his clothes in the beginning (when we see what happened in the past) are kind of minimalist or "quiet" (for lack of a better description). Like these:

And I feel like that suits him well since he didn't want any attention or the spotlight on him at that point.

There is one shirt that goes against this "quiet" style, which is this patterned shirt he wears when he's shopping with Joe (and the "loudest" shirt we saw him wear in the past):

But I feel like this is when Ming is more comfortable with Joe and has let some of Joe's relentless positivity into his life, so it still makes sense to the story and Ming.

Then, in the present, he comes out, guns blazing, in this outfit like the diva he is:

To make sure Joe (wherever he might be) has a chance to see Ming. Sure, it's for a job. But he's clearly using that job to make sure Joe (whom Ming believes is still alive somewhere) notices him. And who wouldn't notice him in that outfit?

So, even though I feel like some of the outfits don't feel like Ming to me, they've still worked well with what they have to tell his story.

Now, to answer your question...

Many of Joe's outfits are more laid-back with t-shirts and hoodies (which is more like my everyday style since I paint all day and throw paint everywhere, lol). I feel like they suit him well considering he seems to work out a lot due to his job.

I'm not sure I have a favorite of his when he's wearing those more comfortable clothes. So, I'll get back to Joe in a moment.

When it comes to Ming, I like this sweater for the reason that it's Vivienne Westwood (honestly, I don't know if it's genuine because I've never seen her time machine logo like this before, but let's assume it is).

I've always loved Vivienne Westwood for being totally out there and unapologetically herself. So this has to be one of my favorite Ming outfits. (But, as you can tell, I'm Dame Vivienne Westwood biased, lol.)

I also have a soft spot for men in black, and here are both Joe and Ming looking gorgeous!

Joe is keeping with his more laid-back style, which I love. I also feel like Ming's outfit is the closest we got to him dressed in haute couture in the past storyline, and I love it.

And then there's this:

Both are in dark colors again. Joe is looking casual but like a million bucks (even though it looks like he has pants on pants, lol). And Ming... Damn!

I'm an ice queen, but I lost my shit when I saw those first images of Ming in that lace outfit. It might've been because I have a gigantic soft spot for Up, but I'm pretty sure it was just as much because of all that lace (it's my favorite fabric when I dress up, btw).

Others might call it too much. But my man is doing whatever he can to get his man to notice him. And I swear... It's working.

So these outfits from their photoshoot are my favorites of theirs so far.

Thank you for the ask.

And, btw, what are your favorites?

[cacti-are-like-flamingos]

Dating Bokuto...

So like...i was halfway done when i accidently did something and it all just got erased. best believe my heart dropped all the way to my stomach. Que rico

Hopefully my memories good enough to recall all of my points

I did say that I never got to finish Haikyuu!! so I don't know the ending. I also don't remember many of the characters well so I'll have to re-visit the show again if people start requesting

Dating Bokuto is very much like eating flan--- it's so soft, almost silky. A sweetness overload that doesn't quite overfill the stomach but neither does it leave you empty. Although it does, on numerous occasions, leave you craving for more. maybe seconds... maybe thirds... maybe even fourths! you get the idea

He's quite literally the definition of a sweet himbo (unless it involves volleyball, that and being with you is when his two brain cells finally start to work. But even the latter has it's own special circumstances)

Surprisingly, he's somehow managed to figure out the perfect between volleyball and you. Afterall, he would never want to neglect you. (But he will always neglect his school work)

He'll invite you to his practices so you can watch, he'll invite to his practice so that you can play together, or he'll happily go with you to do whatever you want. As long as he gets to spend time with you, he could care less. However, the second option he views as the ultimate option. He gets to do his favorite thing with his favorite person, how could he not love that option?

That is not to say he doesn't like going on dates with you --- he practically beams at the idea of going out with you. It's like he gets to show you off.

His favorite type of date is the sort that involves any kind of festival. He gets to eat to his hearts content all while constantly holding your hand, giving you random nuzzles and kisses in front of all to see. He most especially likes winning you a variety of plushies and items. And I'm not talking about the small ones (unless those are the ones you wnat), I'm talking big business plushies. the sort that when you hold them, you can't see shit neither to the sides or over the head.

That's why he bought you a wagon that he drags around for you. Carrying so many things can easily tire out the arms, so with this you can happily continue the date without tiring so quickly.

He also really likes eating those pretentious desserts that you see on TikTok or Instagram, the ones with a thousands cute decorations on them that make them look even more edible (Ugh, i want to try those so bad)

When I think of someone dating Bokuto, I imagine that them having a tremendous amount of patience to deal with his various mood swings. Someone studious, so that he can pass his classes,. Yet, sociable enough to make friends with all the other teams, including his own. I imagine someone who doesn't really do sports on the regular but can prove active when the situation requires it. It's either that or he'll just force you to be more active.

Ah, he's the sort to love couple-matching outfits so be prepared for that. He's constantly raiding your closet to see what kind of outfits you have so that he can match with you (especially, sweaters)

He obviously invites you to his tournaments and games, so everyone already knows who you are. Whenever he makes a score, he instantly looks to where you are to see if you saw him do that --- he'll jump around and beam when you I've him a thumbs up with a smile.

When the owl is down, the team now depends on you to get his head back in the game --- Akaashi can get him out of depresses mode but just a single praise from you gets him out instantly

Speaking about Akaashi, you're very good friends with him. So great that the two of you often times texts memes about the various member of the team. You're also study-buddies.

Bokuto's not at all jealous because he's happy that his best friend is close to his partner, although if you do start paying more attention to the phone (not akaashi related) or to anything else, he will whine like a baby. Throwing himself into your arms and putting all of his weight on you so that you can't get him off

I have a scene where the Coach lets you come with on the team's bus whenever there's an away game, and that Bokuto takes a small nap on your shoulder while you quietly listen to some chill music or talk to Akaashi in whispers as to not wake up the sleeping owl boy.

Oh! Have you guys ever seen that trend on Tiktok of the girls that like get these pool-toys to entertain their boyfriends? Like the girl throw the toy into the water and the boyfriends jump into the pool in order to retrieve them? Yeah, you do that too with him. He'll spend literal hours entertained like that until he's out of energy. By then, he'll once again throw himself onto you and just sleep away. (hopefully, you'll have thunder-thighs or you'll be numbed rather quickly)

Ah, he likes for you to be the one to style his hair. Not to say he wont do it, it's just he likes you doing it for him while he watches through the mirror. I think he likes to receive acts of service while he provides words of affirmation and a shit ton of physical affection.

You like to give him a mohawk to tease him and he'll just cutey pout before breaking out into giggles.

Very fluffy he's kind of love. You just wished he did his actual work for once.

...

(A/N): That's all I got for now.

Hope you enjoyed!

[byicarus]

tyler was irresistible, a fact that declan had been unaware of going into their 'study' session. little did he know that an innocent tutoring job would turn into something far more lustful. he was a bashful mess, and he couldn't hide it — no matter how hard he tried. declan's poor little heart was working overtime, pounding against his ribcage. tyler had him in a tailspin, and all he could do was enjoy the ride. "you're killin' me," the smaller male said softly, chuckling to himself. declan's brown doe eyes were fixated on the taller male, who somehow towered over him even sitting down. he was falling for him quickly and deeply. nothing had ever made the freshman feel that way before. declan was beside himself, unsure of how to even handle himself. just when he thought tyler had done enough, he went and teased declan even more. "you can keep 'em... i-if you want," he stammered. his eyes were practically bulging out of his head, staring at the massive bulge in his tyler's sweatpants. with permission, declan's tiny hand came to grasp the length through the fabric. "h-holy shit, dude... you're, like, huge," declan breathed out. "like bigger than anything i've seen in porn big..." his voice trailed off, mesmerized by the frat president. his hand pulled away, already desperate to feel more of him. he never expected that tyler would just whip it out in the middle of a public space, but it didn't matter. all reason was thrown to the wind. he was tired of being a goody two-shoes, always following the rules. in that moment, only the two of them existed; everything else faded into nothing. the second his length was exposed, declan's soft hand was wrapping around the thick base. he added a second, just to measure it for himself. "d-doesn't even fit in both of my hands," declan said softly. "'s gonna wreck me... dunno how 'm gonna fit it down my throat — but 's not gonna stop me." somehow, he found himself anxious for the feeling of being stretched to the brim with tyler's cock. no one had ever touched him before, but if anyone was worthy, it was tyler. he didn't remark upon it, didn't want to make tyler think he wasn't worth the time. declan was faking it until he made it, but tyler somehow made it easy. he'd never wanted to get down and serve someone before until him. that was how he knew he was the one. "no... nobody's ever eaten me out before," he admitted shyly. his flushed cheeks had some how become even redder. his brown eyes met tyler's, sparkling under the fluorescent glow of the library's lights. "couldn't even try to e-even if i wanted to," declan managed to spit out. his brain was so overwhelmed by it all, all logical thought and reason had flown away. "i... no one could even compare. this is crazy. i need you so bad. i can feel it in my stomach... won't be satisfied 'til i get you," he revealed, voice full of grovel. then tyler was throating his cock with his nose buried down in his sweaty shoe... how was he supposed to be able to function? all he could think about was tyler, tyler, tyler. he'd never seen someone so sexy, and never did he imagine he'd have a sight behold down between his thighs. "i-if you keep it up, you'll get a load in no time," declan admitted. his hands threaded through tyler's locks, guiding him back to the tip of his cock. "t-tell me if i hurt you, o-okay?" he requested as he pushed the crown of his cock past those plush lips. his hips slowly started to buck up into that wet heat, addicted to the feeling. "f-fuck, daddy," declan whined, trying his best to keep himself quiet. "i need to pee. c-can i please? i-i bet you'd look so pretty swallowing my piss... i-i'll let you take me behind one of these r-rows and use me like a toy, a c-cocksleeve — just for you."

tyler didn't plan on seducing his tutor, but he was nothing if not quick on his feet. it was almost too easy to get under declan's skin and make him blush. after the night he had, tyler didn't feel like studying — offering his tutor a distraction was the perfect way to get out of it. even so, tyler could not deny that he was attracted to the smaller boy. the moment he laid eyes on declan, he knew that he had to have him; and there was nothing that could get in his way. not even a library crowded with their peers and superiors. "you've been blushin' since i walked up, babe. tyler feng doesn't have to try," tyler said cockily. declan could pretend all he wanted, but tyler was very far from stupid. he was more than certain that declan couldn't resist him — but even that was not enough. tyler wanted the younger boy to be desperate, eager and oblivious to the wandering eyes in the room. without the slightest care in the world, tyler brought the sneaker to his face and took a deep whiff. he didn't care who watched, or what might be caught on camera. he wanted declan, and he wanted him now. "no, baby... i love it," tyler groaned, bliss written all over his face. he was rubbing his thick cock through his pants, breathing in the younger boy's musk from the shoe. tyler was leaking pre-cum uncontrollably, creating a damp spot on the crotch of his pants. he couldn't help the smirk on his face as he caught a glimpse of declan's expression. "you can touch, if y'want. 'm not gonna stop you," he offered, tongue flicking across his full lips. the expression on declan's cherubic face told him everything he needed to know. no one had ever been so brazen with the younger boy, but tyler was more than happy to be the first. "well, i meant when we got back to my room... but it sounds like someone wants me to whip it out right here," he smirked, tugging at the waistband of his grey sweatpants. his fat cock lurched out, quickly followed by his heavy sac. he made the thick cock bounce, tempting the younger boy to wrap his fist around it. "here y'go — out in the open for you. bet you can't wait to slobber all over it, huh?" tyler grinned. he didn't care who saw, or what the cameras caught — if he got caught, there was no doubt in his mind that he could charm his way out of any punishment. quite frankly, with all he had gotten away with thus far, tyler felt invincible. belgrave needed him — not the other way around. "ever gotten that tight little hole eaten out before, baby? turned into a proper pussy?" he hummed. tyler knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from declan's plush lips. even if the younger boy had been with someone else, tyler was going to blow them out of the water with no trouble. "then don't, princess. daddy's gonna have you drunk off his cock before 's even stretching that little cunt out," tyler replied with a grin. he used his thumb and index finger to grasp the smaller boy's chin, tilting his head up slightly. "if you got any other dude's chasing after you, now's the time to kiss 'em goodbye — 'cause tyler feng will be the only name in your mind after today." without another word, tyler wrapped his lips around the boy's cock and swallowed him down. he bobbed his head along declan's length, keeping it in the back of his throat before twirling his tongue around the leaking tip. as preoccupied as he was, tyler still hadn't forgotten about that shoe — or earning the other one. his fist wrapped around his own cock as he brought the sneaker to his nose, breathing in his boyish musk as he sucked the other boy off. "fuck daddy's throat while he huffs your sweaty sneakers, baby," tyler requested, dragging his tongue along the underside of declan's cock. "want you to shoot your load in m'mouth — and if you wanna empty your bladder, make sure you ask politely."

[aphrodisiac-siren]

Innocence- Aemond X OC

Summary: War is an ugly thing; Something that is common knowledge to all and yet something people resort to anyway when conflicts arise. It was not something Eirlys Velaryon wanted though, nor what Aemond Targaryen wanted as well. It was a war they were dragged into, and suffering they had to endure for crimes they were innocent of.

Warnings: under-age intimacy

Masterlist

Part 3

It had been almost two years since the incident.

Aemond never told Eirlys about it and after a few tries, she stopped asking him about it too.

The princess never knew why in the initial few days Aemond had grown to resent physical touch, until later on he once again managed to get comfortable around her, yet still never giving her the reason as to why there was a momentary shift in behaviour.

Aegon and Helaena had quiet recently been blessed with children; twins. This sparked the curiosity within Eirlys of how that came to be once again after years of not so much as even thinking about it.

Knowing that Aemond had no interest in the subject anymore, she decided this time to just go and ask Aegon herself.

"You can't be serious" Aegon looked at the princess like she'd just suggested cutting off her own head "you're almost a woman, about to be wed and you still do not know?"

"If I did I wouldn't be asking you now, would I?" Eirlys rolled her eyes at his statement.

"You and Aemond are a match made by the gods" Aegon mumbled as he pinched the bridge of his nose "so, the man enters the woman and spills his seed inside of her. That seed then grows into a baby inside the woman's womb"

"I'm not following" Eirlys furrowed her brows in confusion "how much wine did you drink?"

"I'm not drunk" Aegon facepalmed at her innocent stupidity "fine, let me simplify it for you. They have sex, which means a man puts his cock into a woman's cunt"

Eirlys suddenly felt slightly uncomfortable trying to imagine it.

"Why?"

"Well during the act, there's semen that spills out of the man and into the woman's womb, that's what makes the child" he further explained "but most of the time people don't perform sex just to bear children, it's done to pleasure themselves as well"

"Pleasure?" Eirlys repeated, not being able to wrap her head around how that would be pleasant "h-how?"

"You're too innocent" Aegon sighed "someone's got to change that"

Aemond had been informed that his older brother had called for him after supper. He didn't really want to go and hear what he had to say, but went anyway to avoid his brother showing up to his quarters.

"You sent for me?" Aemond asked as he walked in.

"You need to start showing interest in your duties" Aegon's tone was stern and serious, something Aemond wasn't accustomed to.

"M-my duties?" He asked, recalling that this was the same older brother who spent more time with his cups of wine than with his books "I'll have you know I'm the only one between the two of us who actually studies history, philosophy, close combat-"

"No not that you twat" Aegon quickly cut him off, slightly annoyed by his brother bringing up the fact that Aegon was the sibling who was never one to show any interest in studies "I meant about your fourth coming duties as a husband"

"What"

"Eirlys has never been with a man before and it'd be a shame if you happen to let her down in bed" Aegon sighed "I paid good money last time but you ran off, ungrateful little-"

"If you wish to bring up the events from two years ago, I have no intention of standing here and listening to you go on" Aemond briskly responded "if that is all, brother, I shall take my leave"

"Eirlys was here earlier you know," Aegon informed "she asked me the same thing you did when we left the castle that night"

"And what did you do?" Aemond turned around to face him.

"Well I told her how the act was done" the older boy simply shrugged "though I doubt she really made any sense of it"

"And what does this have to do with me?"

"You're going to be her husband for fuck's sake" Aegon dramatically announced "and you don't yet know how to please a woman in bed"

"So what exactly are you trying to say?" Aemond impatiently asked, now slightly cautious of his inexperience. He'd never really thought much about his marriage to Eirlys. The two had such a lovely relationship as friends that he hadn't put much thought into having to bed her.

"I say we go back to the city" Aegon told him.

In truth Aegon didn't care much about how his little brother would please his wife-to-be in bed. He just wanted company as he snuck out so even if he did get caught, the entire blame wouldn't land on himself.

Aemond was hesitant. He didn't know if he'd react the same way as he did the last time. But with the concern of his marriage to Eirlys drawing closer, he thought it'd be best to get it over with for the sole purpose of not embarrassing himself.

"Alright" he finally gave in with a sigh "just this once I suppose"

"Lovely" Aegon clapped as he went to go pour himself and his brother some wine "I'll meet you at the street of silk, I still have some drinking to be done with before I arrive"

Aemond, once he'd drank the wine Aegon offered him, hesitantly changed into some of the old and washed up clothes his brother had hidden away under one of the floorboards beneath his bed. He used the same passageway Aegon had introduced him to the last time.

However, he didn't remember the route as clearly so he did have to ask a few people along the way for directions, feeling a slight tinge of embarrassment as he informed them he was trying to get to the a whore house.

"You can do this" he heaved a long sigh as he walked toward the familiar stone house "this is to prepare for your duties as a husband"

After he'd managed to muster enough courage to once again enter the place that had mentally scared him in his childhood, he looked for the madam of the house and informed her of his request for a room.

He paid her five pieces of gold and followed her directions to a room that was allotted for him. Upon the arrival of the young girl who would entertain his desires, he'd informed her of his inexperience, to which she assured him that she would guide him through it all so that he may be well informed the next time he'd visit.

This time Aemond did not find himself flinching away from the seductive touches. He submitted himself completely, following every command the girl gave him.

When the young prince was almost close to the edge, the girl stopped him.

"No, not inside me" she panted "in my mouth"

Aemond quickly slid his member out, granting her a break from his hard thrusts while she pushed him on the bed and got down on her knees.

She pressed her palms on his thighs as she slowly licked up his shaft before taking him into her mouth.

Aemond shut his eye as another wave of pleasure washed over him, his lips parted slightly to let the sound of his soft gasps escape.

As the girl swirled her tongue, eager to help the prince spill his seed into her mouth, Aemond's mind suddenly displayed the image of Eirlys.

Aemond quickly opened his eye, feeling embarrassed about having thought about her while being preoccupied in such a lewd situation.

But the pleasure he felt overpowered his senses and he once again closed his eye as he felt himself edging. His breaths became ragged and he fisted the sheets as he struggled to hold back his moans.

The girl bobbed her head up and down at a slightly quicker pace, knowing the prince wouldn't last much longer.

And she was right.

Involuntarily and completely out his control by that point, the prince elicited a loud moan.

"Eirlys" he breathed out, tightly shutting his eye as he came undone.

The girl looked up at him, momentarily caught off guard by the name he'd moaned but didn't ask him anything.

Aemond was appalled when he realised he'd released himself while thinking about her.His sweet, innocent friend who he was to marry.

In that moment the prince felt as though he'd committed a crime by thinking about her during such an inappropriate moment.

He left the girl three gold pieces before he dressed himself up, eager to get back to the castle.

He walked out the room, down the corridor and out into the open street but stopped in his tracks.

"What are you doing here?"

"Brother!" Aegon waved enthusiastically at Aemond "done already?"

"Aegon have you lost your mind?" He snapped as he walked closer to his brother.

"What's wrong" the older brother asked, oblivious as to why Aemond was in such a bad mood.

"Why did you bring Eirlys here?"

"Well I brought her here the same way I got you" Aegon casually told his brother, sounding slightly tipsy "so she may understand how a man and woman-"

"She doesn't need to be here" Aemond was quick to grab the girl's hand, yet avoiding any sort of eye contact "what were you thinking bringing a princess to a place like this? We're heading back"

"What, why?" Eirlys tried to free her hand out of his grasp. She knew what a whore house was, she'd just never been to one and as much as the foreign surrounding made her nervous, it also made her all the more curious. "Aemond let go!"

"You think I want you going in there?"

"I wasn't asking for you permission" the princess snapped "why's it fair that you are free to do as you please and waltz inside but I can't?"

"Good point" Aegon muttered.

"Shut up" Aemond responded.

The girl walked away from the two brothers, Aemond running after her to stop her while Aegon lazily walked behind them, his only concern presently being that he would have his fun for the night regardless of whether Aemond or Eirlys would stick around.

Despite Aemond trying to quiet literally hold the door shut, making himself and the entire situation look ridiculously comical, Eirlys resorted to tickling him to push him away from the door as Aegon then took his chance to swing it open.

The onlookers watched the trio in absolute confusion as they displayed a show of utter chaos:

Aemond stumbling backwards momentarily as Aegon held the doors open, trying to push Eirlys inside; Eirlys quickly trying to run in but then being pulled back by Aemond who'd wrapped his arms around her waist.

Eirlys didn't need to break free of Aemond's grasp to explore the old house. With the entrance of the establishment now wide open, she peeked inside as soon as she heard the lewd sounds of people moaning and was met with an obscene atmosphere of people grinding against each other, men humping against naked women.

The trio's chaos caught the attention of many, some of whom were not able to so much as walk in due to their little tussle right at the entrance.

And while the commotion was mostly taken by some to be a bunch of young adults who were drunk, the men of the city watch who'd seen that his from a distance mistook it for an entirely different situation; chalking up the conclusion that the two men were most likely trying to drag away a woman from the establishment against her will.

"Hey! Stop!" One of the guards called out as he approached them.

"Fuck" Aegon's eyes widened with panic "run, run!"

The three of them dashed away from the whore house, two of the men from the city watch following after them.

Aegon took a different route, unknown to Aemond and Eirlys, who continued running along the path they'd used to get to the streets of silk.

They knew outrunning them would not rule in their favour so Aemond began to scan the area for a place to hide.

"To your left" he called out, letting her run before him toward the little alleyway he'd pointed toward "under that stairway behind the barrels"

Eirlys crouched lower as she crawled into the narrow and damp space Aemond had suggested, the boy following swiftly after her. The tiny space that they'd picked to hide was really cramped, leaving only a few inches of distance between their faces as their bodies pressed close together so that they might fit in.

Aemond held a finger up to his lips, to indicate to stay silent as he heard the guards get closer.

Eirlys tried her best to control her ragged breathing after all that running and the tight space didn't not help. Yet instead of being more concerned about the fact that they might get caught, she found herself think more about what she saw at the whore house only a few minutes ago.

Aemond held his breath as the sound of boots trudging against the wet mud sounded his ears. The men muttered amongst themselves before they ran off, probably still in search of the trio.

The prince heaved a sigh of relief before he looked down to gaze at Eirlys. His breath hitched in his throat when he realised they were in such close proximity, being able to practically feel her breasts slightly heave up and down with each breath she took.

Eirlys' eyes looked up to meet his and Aemond, involuntarily, averted his gaze to her lips as he recalled moaning her name while he came.

In a way he felt like he'd defiled her, even though he hadn't meant to release himself while imagining her.

She was this demure, untarnished and delicate being in his mind, untouched by sin and corruption. And he wanted to protect that; protect her. And he knew that after what she'd seen only moments ago in that sinful place, part of that sweet innocence of hers was lost.

"Aemond?" She softly called out.

Fuck. He mentally swore as he felt the urge to lean down and kiss her.

He had kissed her before but that was years ago when he was younger, naïve and full of innocence, something that was lost forever.

"We should head back" he responded softly, fighting himself against dipping his head lower to capture her lips with his.

He quickly crawled out, before he could lose control over himself and then offered his hand to help the princess.

"What about Aegon?" Eirlys asked as she dusted the muck off her coat, not really being able to be rid of the stain.

"He can find his way back" Aemond answered her with an irritated tone.

"Are you upset?" The princess asked as the both of them walked back to the castle, cautiously looking around to avoid running into any more of the city watch.

"I am" the prince promptly replied "at Aegon, not you"

Throughout their conversation, he avoided looking at her, not being able to anymore after tonight.

She was so innocent, so pure and a complete contrast to what Aemond was, or rather, growing up to be.

Aemond did not wish to break fast with his family the next morning, he didn't wish to leave his quarters to begin with. He did try to avoid joining them, but Eirlys was sent to fetch him.

"Won't you be joining us, Aemond?" She'd asked as she knocked at his door, her gentle voice calling out his name made it rather difficult for the prince to refuse.

He opened the doors and had the princess take his arm as he led her back to the hall to dine with the family, all the while making a minimal amount of conversation as he avoided eye contact.

"Are you still cross regarding last night?" She asked when she took not of his unusual hostility he was exhibiting toward her.

"Like I said, I'm not upset at you" he murmured back in response.

Upon their arrival, Aemond sat at his usual spot at the head of the table after he'd pulled a chair for Eirlys, who always sat at his right.

"Shall we pray?" Alicent asked as she sat beside her husband Viserys.

As his mother the queen, began to recite a prayer that more or less was the same thing she said every morning, asking for forgiveness, good health and a long life to everyone present. Everyone gathered at the table followed her example and closed their eyes, folding their hands together and interlacing their fingers.

Aemond momentarily opened his eye to slyly glance at the princess. There was a loose strand of hair that fell out of place, making him want to lean over slightly and fix it for her.

Against his better judgment, he reached out and tucked the silvery lock of blonde behind her ear, to which Eirlys' eyes quickly snapped open upon having felt Aemond's cold fingers graze against her cheek, but by the time she'd turned to look at him, he'd already torn his gaze away from her.

Breakfast was rather silent that morning, with Aegon dozing off at the table every five minutes.

"Didn't sleep well?" Aemond asked sarcastically to which Eirlys bit her lip, indicating her disappointment in the prince for quiet possibly instigating an argument.

"No, brother, I did not" Aegon managed a weak smile to hide the sneer in his voice as he switched glances between Aemond and Eirlys"someone didn't let me spend my night peacefully"

"Someone took off and abandoned me" Eirlys added in reference to Aegon running off by himself last night during their little chase with the city watch, not appreciating that he blamed her as well for ruining his night.

"while I was on my way back from the library" she added quickly, using 'library' as a replacement for 'whorehouse' "that I didn't even get to go in"

"I wasn't the one who kept you from going to the library" Aegon swiftly retorted "if I recall correctly, it was Aemond who didn't want you to go"

"It was unsafe and improper for a princess" Aemond snapped before composing himself

"I'm confused" Helaena spoke, looking toward Eirlys for a clearer explanation "unsafe? But you were visiting the library?"

"I meant" Aemond effortlessly managed to spin a lie without a moment of hesitation "to be allowed to go to the library at such a late hour by herself"

"But it's alright for a prince, conveniently" Eirlys muttered as she side eyed Aemond.

"Because I was trying to-"

"Not at the table, please" Viserys sighed as he interrupted their little argument, not wanting this to turn into a fight.

"Perhaps you three ought to save this conversation until after we're all done" Alicent told them, skeptically looking between the three of them.

It was once again silent for the rest of the morning at the table until they all rose and left the hall to carry on with their duties awaiting ahead.

Aemond held his hand out for Eirlys, like how he always did each morning, to help her up but unlike the other times, today he'd refused to look at her.

The princess sighed in annoyance as she stood up, not accepting his hand and walked out the doors, Aemond slowly following after her.

"Now you're upset at me" he simply stated as he continued to walk behind her.

"Of course I am!" Eirlys threw him a nasty look "first you don't allow me to go into the establishment that you yourself had been to only moments before I arrived, then you proceed to ignore me as if I'm the one who ruined our evening"

"That was a whore house Eirlys!" Aemond whisper-yelled as he pulled her to the side, not wanting anyone to hear their conversation "what did you expect would happen once you were inside?"

"Well I-"

"You'd be taken to bed and fucked" the prince bluntly told her, not wanting to beat around the bush "I would know, that's what happened the first time Aegon took me and I hated every second of it"

"So you'd been there before?" she looked up at him, taken by surprise at his sudden confession.

"Y-yes, I mean... well-" Aemond struggled to find the words, something that didn't happen often "the first time I went, nothing happened. I-I left quickly"

Don't look at me like that he thought to himself as he watched her stare at him with disappointment. The two had always told each other everything yet this was something the prince had kept from her this whole time.

"Save it" she cut him off, not wanting to hear whatever excuse he'd come up with "I don't wish to speak to you right now "once you're done ignoring me and after you've realised you're at fault, come and find me"

Aemond failed to see he how he was the one at fault when all he did was prevent Eirlys from going into that horrible place. Despite the girl only wanting to merely observe what went on inside, he knew better than anyone that Aegon would ensure she enjoyed the whole experience and he did not want her to go through the same thing he'd been through. Additionally, the only reason he couldn't look at her was because it only reminded him that it was her face he'd imagined to release himself and there was no chance he would confess such a thing to her.

Without saying anything further, he walked away to head to the training yard to relieve some of the pent up frustration.

[shadowturtlesstuff]

You belong with me

so i decided to post wadsworth first. modern au cressworth- you belong with me taylor swift

Thomas throws his phone down on the bed with frustration swirling around him as he paces. I set down my pen and wait till he turns and spots me. We often find ourselves talking via paper throughout the nights, from questions about our day to helping each other study. It is also often we watch each other be angry at something, yet I've not seen him this bad before. Finally Thomas turns and catches my eye. He stands there for a second before smiling and I quickly move around my various workbooks till I find my notebook I use to talk to him. I take my sharpie and write: ‘Are you okay?’

I watch him shake his head ever so slightly, seemingly baffled at it, but he walks to his window and opens it. The wind brushes his deep brown hair and I can't help but want to reach out and run my hand through it. I curse myself for it as he motions for me to open my window. Moving my books and pens off of me and cursing at my stiff leg as I go and open the window. Somehow I manage to hit my arm in the process and I curse, which makes Thomas laugh slightly so I forgive my body for hurting me. 

“You have a wicked mouth Wadsworth. Did you not learn cursing is unlady-like?” he teases and I relax slightly because of it.

“Fuck you,” I scowl at his smirk and the frigid wind. His eyes light up at my temper. We live across from one another, if we were to reach out we could hold hands. Which we have done. When I got rejected from the specific school I was desperate to go to, Thomas had managed to climb into my room and hold me as I cried. He's only ever needed to climb over twice to cheer me up, the other times have been to study or watch some romance programme he thought was good. I hoped wherever was troubling was something that wouldn't resort to me having to climb over. As much as I would want to, my brain may have a hard time letting me attempt it. 

“I assume dear Wadworth, you want to ask what has made me so irate?” he asks, eyes focused on behind me and fingers tapping his window sill as he sits. I watch as his cat, ridiculously named Sir Isaac Mewton, jumps off his bed and onto his seat next to him. He grabs the cat and kisses the top of his head before holding him in his lap.

“Perhaps,” I say, moving so I rest my head on the wall, “perhaps I merely wanted to ask if Sir Issac was okay.” his eyes shift to mine and despite him still being angry they soften at my attempt at humour. I am not as good as Thomas at using humour to help someone, but he always does it for me. 

“Really? You always refer to him as a little pest, whereas as with me, I am your dearest person, of course you want to know how I am feeling. My son is good though, very energetic today.” he smiles down at his cat. I remember the day he brought him home, he made me go over to his house and we spent all night playing with him. Thomas did, I ended up studying and making notes for the both of us while he gave Sir Isaac a ‘grand tour’ of his new home. The smile vanishes off Thomas's face and once again his gaze goes past me. “I assume you saw the call, well that was William. Yes, awful. Apparently though, there is a rumour that I'm with Miss Whitehall. I don't even remember her first name, but he was convinced of our relation despite my protests. Madness.” I watch him scoff, anger once again taking over his features. His cat nuzzles into him and Thomas leans into his cat. If I wasn't also mad now I'd smile at the sight. 

“Is this the same William that had convinced everyone I was dating him?” 

“Yes.”

“Bitch. Why on earth is he such a problem? Where on earth does he even make this assumptions about us?'' I find myself standing and pacing, trying to quell my own rising anger. A year ago, William had been my lab partner for a few weeks, he was friendly, but people had got it in their head that we were somehow together, and he went with it. Gossiped about me, even Thomas, and then was somehow enraged I dared to stop those rumours and be angry at him. I'd come home one day when it was particularly too much, when my father had found out and lectured me about it, as though I was in the wrong for standing up for myself. He'd cancel my lesson with my uncle out of spite, and I stormed upstairs. Thomas had been at the window, as if he was expecting me. One look at his face made me cry. I managed to open my window and he'd once again climbed in and held me as I cried. Then he made us watch this awful romance film together and held me still as I fell asleep on him. 

“I have never once,” Thomas says, dragging me back from those awful memories, “shown interest in her, nor will I ever.” He drags a hand through his hair. “She's just- a lot.”

I huff a sigh. She is awful. Had been awful to Liza and I for years. With her short skirts, high heels and the most rotten attitude I have ever witnessed. It wasn't often that I'd hate someone like that, someone so different from me in nearly every way, but she has tried to make me feel that I don't belong because of my interest in science and not the traditional girl interests.. “That is the understatement of the year Cresswell. Beside, you wouldn't work, she's too- your,” I have no idea how to explain how excellent Thomas is, how wonderful his mind is and how kind he is. It's not a side he shows to most, yet if he was ever with someone like Whitehall, it would be disastrous. I take my seat again and find him looking at me, suppressing a smirk and raising an eyebrow at me. “What?” I ask. I shrink under his gaze, pulling my hoodie over my legs as I curl in on myself. 

“I’m what? I'd be delighted to know your innermost thoughts of me, Wadsworth.”

“Your absurd but fine I'll elaborate,” I roll my eyes as he shifts so he is fully facing me, eyes completely focused, no sign of the anger he had only moments ago, “your too kind, too witty and clever and Whitehall wouldn’t appreciate you enough. You-” don’t belong with her.

Ever since he mentioned the idea of being with someone else, real or not, I have tried to ignore how much it pained me that he would be with someone else. I never expected to want to be with him, yet lately the premise of dating him has seemed very pleasing to me.

“You forgot to mention how handsome I look, or how charming I am, but I'll take it,” his voice is deeper than normal and his gaze travels over me even though his eyes are on my own. Thomas pats Sir Issac and his cat jumps off behind him with a whine. His hand reaches out for mine and I lean forward, wind making my loose strands of hair fly across my face. His hands are warm as I take them but his smile warms me more. It is small but genuine and filled with the normal Cresswell charm mixed with something I can't quite name. 

“I don’t need to inflate your ego further Thomas.” 

“I know but it would've been nice. I did say the inner most thoughts but we’ll get there. Audrey rose-” he looks down contemplating his words before he once again locks his gaze on mine, his dark brown eyes bright, “I dont belong with her, your right, my heart would never belong to her especially since it already belongs to someone else.” 

I blink at the honesty. I want to scream that you belong with me; but if Thomas is in love with someone else then I suppose I will have to find a way to deal with it. I try to keep the hurt of my face even as he smiles at me. 

“I-” Thomas lets go of my hand and stands. There's a silence between us until he motions for me to move. The idiot is going to climb into my house so he can tell me about his new found love. Like the fool I am, I'm going to let him talk about this girl who makes him look this happy. Even though it hurts that it's not me who is making him look like that. Even though I'm the one who makes him laugh when he is angry or upset. Even though I'm the one who knows his favourite songs, the books beside his bed and all his hopes and dreams.

He climbs over and sets himself on the window sill, giving me room to sit across from him. I do, even as I try to ignore the weight pressing down on my chest. “I hope you are happy with whomever has your heart Cresswell.” I say and mean it. I once again curl into myself, hoodie covering my legs as i watch him continue to smile at me, 

“Of course I'll be happy. She's amazing. Let me tell you all about her. I met her many years back and was instantly smitten with her emerald eyes and her quick witted mind. How she sings to herself every morning and how her dark curls fall across her face whenever she sits on her bed and reads. I adore her curiosity for the dead and how wicked her mouth is and how delightful it is to watch your mind at work. I love when she shows me a note through the window to see if I'm doing okay and-”

“Wait,” I blurt out, my mind catching up, “Thomas, are you talking about me?”

“Yes, finally! I thought I'd have to keep speaking forever till you realized it was you.” He starts laughing at my gaping mouth until I collect myself enough to scowl at him slightly for laughing. Thomas reaches out for my hand, moving closer to me until my back is pressed against the wall, my hoodie no longer over my legs as he rests his other hand on my leg, warmth seeping through me. “Wadsworth, darling, I have been in love with you for some time now.” 

Silence washes over us as we stare, trying to convince ourselves this is really happening. “I have something to show you.” My voice is barely about a whisper and I slide out of his grasp even though I don't want to. I walk to my bed where all my notebooks were left open and my notebooks sits. I open it out and let a piece of paper fall out. Facing Thomas I open the sheet slowly, watch him read the words. His eyes lit up at them.

I love you.

I take my place beside him again, his hands finding their way in mine once again. “I wrote that the night after you came here the second time. Something in me clicked that no matter what you'd find a way to comfort me. Not save me, but work alongside me. I wanted to tell you I just couldn't face it. But I needed to acknowledge it. So I wrote it down, and I look at it every time we use the note system; I try to convince myself to show you.” Thomas just stares at me, eyes flicking down to my lips every now and then. His hands are making circles on my leg, not entirely intentional. Thomas has always shown if he is excited or nervous by either tapping or making shapes on surfaces. The world slows completely as he leans in and presses his lips against mine. He pulls back ever so slightly, resting his head against mine and we are both smiling wildly at each other, pressing kisses until he leans further away. Thomas goes back to his side of the wall, which may as well be across the other side of the world, then he pulls me to him and I twist so that my back is against his. He holds me as we both look out the window, enjoying the freeing feeling of telling each other how we feel. 

“Now would be a perfect time to tell me how handsome I am, my love.” 

@fangirling-again @kittycat2187 @goatahoan @city-of-fae @the-hoofflepooff @padfoot-sirius-black-blog @purplecreatorhorsewagon @boredbookwormgirl @goddess-of-writing-wars @lovecakeandmore ​ @yikesitsmaddie @loveyatopluto​ @throneofsc @bookscressworth​

[namparktae]

Kim Namjoon

𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 & 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐒𝐞𝐱ᵏⁿʲ

You woke up huddled in your warm blanket on a cold Saturday morning. The sun shone through the slits of your blinds, reflecting onto your face. The smell of breakfast and coffee wafted upstairs. That must be jin cooking, you thought. You decided to get out of bed and help him cook this mornings breakfast for you and the boys so you pulled on your sweatpants and began walking down the stairs of your home.

Currently you're at university studying criminology and psychology, so you live with 3 men in a large house share. At first it was very inconvenient that you're living with 3 males, and you did complain to the principal but all other dorms for girls were full, and the university wasn't very strict on separation between males and females. Soon enough you got used to the 3 boys and managed to live around them. They treated you well, always looking out for you and helping you when you needed it.

You lived with Kim Seokjin, Kim Taehyung and Kim Namjoon. All three of them were absolute heartthrobs and they had girls swooning over them as soon as they stepped foot onto campus yet none of them were remotely interested in relationships or even hooking up with girls in general.

As you reached the bottom step you see Namjoon peering through the door frame at you. His tall figure was stood by the stove as you discovered he was cooking.

Oh no. The one thing Kim Namjoon was hopeless at.

He was very clumsy, the boys even started calling him 'the god of destruction' as he would literally break everything, so cooking was a slight danger.

He turned his head away from the stove as he spoke to you.

"Morning y/n, the others are at class already. Do you want any breakfast?"

"God namjoon are you sure this is going to go well? Jin doesn't ever let you cook."

"Yeah sure. It's fine, I'm nearly done anyway. Do you want some?"

"Yes please. Okay come, I'll help."

You stood next to him holding the handle of the spatula as you helped him flip the eggs over, his scent was strong and he smelled like fresh washed clothes with a hint of aftershave. His hair was in messy brown curtains and his baggy jogging bottoms were hanging loosely from his hips to his ankles.

You couldn't lie he looked like a total boyfriend, he was smiling too with his cute dimple showing on his left cheek as he watched your every move.

"Umm it's gonna burn y/n." He said while looking into your eyes with a slight smug grin on his face as he realise you was eyeing him.

"Ohh... uh yeah."

"And I thought I was supposed to be the clumsy one..."

He turned to you and cupped your face with one hand as he looked into your eyes. "Tell me why you was staring y/n." The smile on his face was from ear to ear, you couldn't help but to smile back at him.

"You just look cute, Joonie." You replied, making him blush as you both returned full attention to the stove.

He dished up his food onto a plate and made sure you had some too, soon after you cleared your plate you stood up from your seat and headed to the shower when suddenly Namjoon grabbed your wrist so you would turn to face him. His tall body towered over you as he lent down and placed a soft kiss on your cheek before he spoke.

"Thank you for helping me cook breakfast y/n. Do you have any plans for today?"

"Uhm no, just was gonna go shower that's all." You shyly replied. He had put you on the spot with the kiss on the cheek, your skin burned from his soft gesture.

"How about you let me come join you?"

What? Was he serious right now? That sweet Joon that just gently thanked you for your help was now suggesting you shower together? You thought it must have been a joke.

"Ha yeah. Very funny Joon, I'll come see you after. You can show me that video about those crabs you told me about the other day." You said as you wandered off down the hallway. Almost instantly his hands wrapped around your waist as he span you around to face him, looking deeply into your eyes.

"No. Y/n I wasn't joking, seriously let me join you ill make it fun." His lips turned into a slight curve as his dimple poked out of his cheek again.

Taken back by his seriousness, you observed his face with wide eyes. His face looked somehow innocent but the words coming from his mouth suggested otherwise. His warm hands slightly ran against your exposed skin on your hip from where your pyjama top had risen.

"Uhh-um o-okay." You managed to squeak out as his soft smirk turned into a full grin and his fingers laced together with yours, he pulled you into the bathroom, quickly locking the door.

He helped undress you, pulling your top over your head and pulling down his own joggers while you left yourself in your underwear.

"Y/n you're so beautiful, come here ."

He signalled for you to jump into his arms so you did as he wanted, his strong arms held you with his hands roughly gripping your ass as your legs wrapped around his waist. You lent down slightly to connect your lips to his, pushing your tongue inside his mouth as he returned your actions. He sat you down onto the cold sink counter as his hands roamed around your thighs, caressing your skin and looping his finger around the waistband of your panties and pulled them down your legs.

With your pussy now exposed, the cold air hit your heat making it wetter now by the double. Roughly, Namjoon pushed his finger into your hole as you moaned out for him, pulling him closer to kiss him more passionately as you grabbed him by the back of his neck.

"How many of my fingers do you think you can take baby?"

"Mmm Joonie one more, put one more in please Joon—." You trailed off as he looked you dead in the eye as he slid another finger into your tight hole, curving his fingers inside you and pleasuring your sweet spot. His pace quickened and your moans got louder, the knot in your stomach threatening to unravel. Soon after he removed his fingers and sucked them, savouring your juices on his tongue as you whimpered from your loss of orgasm.

"Not yet baby, don't cum just yet. Please wait for me okay?"

He was so assertive yet still so sweet and kind, your mind was running away with hundreds of thoughts about Namjoon right now and your heart was racing due to his sweet touches. You watched as he removed his shirt and was left in just his boxers.

God he was beautiful naked. You never imagined him like this, being all dominant and assertive, and especially not with you.

"Like what you see hm? You keep staring y/n, I'll have to give you something to stare at."

His eyes glimmered as he watched you eye his bulge in those tight boxers, there was a small wet patch of pre cum on the front, and you was aching to touch it for him. The clasps of your bra were undone by his big hands that crawled around your back as he pulled the straps from your arms and threw it across the bathroom.

"Fuck look at you. You know how tempting you are right? Wearing those skimpy shorts for bed most nights and those tiny tops that show just how big your boobs are...." He trailed off as his lips connected with your neck, sucking harshly. Pulling away, he admired the mark he'd made against your soft skin by kissing it gently and continued speaking.

"Everytime you'd be around y/n, Id get so shy. But now I need you to know how you make me feel."

He took your hand into his and made it tighten around his clothed growing cock.

"This is how you make me feel y/n. You make me something and I need you to fix it baby. Let me make you feel good."

You just couldn't take your eyes off of him as he stood between your legs, his hands were on your waist and his lips were pressing soft kisses to your collar bone. Your hands traveled to the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down painfully slow. His large cock sprung up and hit just below his belly button, dripping pre cum at the tip making your pussy wetter just at the sight of it.

Joon helped you off of the counter while you admired his naked, sculpted body you walked into the shower to turn it on. He stood behind you with his arms around your waist before spinning you around to face him. He kissed your lips so passionately as he cupped your face, pushing you against the tiled wall as his tongue entered your mouth. Both of your bodies collided, feeling the warmth of each other's skin as you were submerged by the hot water.

A loud slam was heard from downstairs, startling both of you. Joon pulled away from your lips, panting as he tried to regain his breath.

"Fuck darling, Jin or Tae are home."

You could hear the sadness in his voice as he spoke. Edging back closer to him, you wrapped your arms around his neck and lent up to whisper in his ear.

"Well then we just need to be quiet don't we?" A smug look displayed across your face as his eyes stayed fixed on you. Namjoon pulled you closer to him again, unintentionally pressing his rock hard cock against your pelvis as he kissed your forehead sweetly.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? Can I make you feel good?" He asked so politely you just wanted to scream out and beg for him right away.

"I'm sure. I want you Joonie."

Namjoon pressed your back lightly against the wall as the two of you stood under the running water, positioning himself at your entrance as he slowly pushed himself inside you, allowing you to adjust to the size of his thick cock. "F-Fuck... You can move now baby." You managed to squeak out from below him. He did as you said and began thrusting his hips harshly into your core with his hand covering your mouth to prevent whoever downstairs from hearing the sounds you were making.

"God y/n, you're taking me well aren't you baby? You like this, being fucked up our bathroom wall?" He whispered in your ear while you nodded for him.

Your breathing began to get heavier as his thrusts got faster, he grunted for you while uttering your name repeatedly. You bit your bottom lip between your teeth to keep your moans in but it didn't work. Your moans escaped your lips quickly as he quietened you with a kiss, letting you groan into his mouth while letting out a painfully sexy grunt as he squeezed his eyes shut in bliss, feeling your pussy clench around him.

"Joonie... Mmh I'm so close..." You softly moaned out for him

"Cum y/n. Cum for me like a good baby girl."

With your orgasm just around the corner, you spread your legs slightly just for him to hit your spot a little deeper than before, you arch your back against the wall as you feel yourself start to cum, Namjoons pace looses rhythm as you feel him getting close himself. Your legs shake and begin to weaken as you pull his neck down to kiss his lips roughly as he allows himself to release inside of you. Groaning and moaning as he spilled his cum into your tight pussy.

"Y/n my baby you feel so good."

He praised you while cupping your face once again. You blushed under his touch, smiling up at him as he held you firmly by your shoulders, giving you a cuddle. You turned your back to him as you began to wash yourself with his help of course, he just couldn't keep his hands off of you, or his lips for that matter.

After the two of you had dried off together in Joons room, you completely forgot about someone entering the house earlier. Now fully clothed, Namjoon pulled you into his chest as he pecked your lips gently.

"You're so gorgeous, baby."

"And you're even more gorgeous my Joonie."

You two kissed again as he held you by your waist, pulling you closer to his tall frame. Yet this time being interrupted by a certain someone who just got home, peeking around Joons door.

"Boo!- oh god... SEOKJINNN-HYUNG.... Namjoonie-hyung and y/n are kissing!"

"Leave them alone Taehyung!" Jin said, racing upstairs to pull tae by the back of his tshirt. "He's wanted her for months! And by what I heard earlier, he finally did something about it." The two of you heard jin say smugly as he dragged tae down the stairs, followed by the two of them laughing.

You looked up at Namjoon with wide-eyes. Jin heard the two of you having shower sex. He heard the whole thing. You immediately got embarrassed and hid your face in his chest as he chuckled and rubbed your back as he spoke.

"Oh gosh. I'm gonna kill the two of them baby girl don't worry."

Unedited

2.3k words

This story was a lot longer! I hope you enjoy it babiesss🤍

Masterlist

Wattpad- Namparktae for more one shots

[btsxmalereaders]

Valentine's Special Prompt Game ♡

Pairing: Lee Minho x Male Reader

Prompt: Blind date/ set up by friends

Genre: Fluff

Also expect some harry potter pickup lines bc I love hp

☆ Requested

Word Count: 1,4k

24022021

Masterlist.

"We have to do something," Jeongin says. "Because they're really getting on my nerves, and I'm pretty sure they won't do anything on their own."

It was odd, but your friends were talking to the high school athletes as they nod in agreement, since it was no secret you and Basketball's School Team's Captain had something between hands, but didn't have the guts to properly admit it.

"Well, we have noticed that Minho has tried to get close and talk to him, but right when he's about to do it he chickens out." Changbin admits, to which everyone in their small group nods. "Maybe because he never gets the chance to see him alone in the halls in between classes."

"And in the classes they share, ____ leaves as soon as they're over, so there's no opportunity for them to talk." Chan contributes to the conversation.

A silence sets between them and they take that time to look around, making sure you or Minho aren't near.

"I know Minho hyung really wants to ask him out, but as we said, he gets really nervous and it's probably because he wants to do that privately." Felix sighs and scratches the back of his neck. "I'm thinking of... making them casually bump into each other on an empty room?"

"How is that gonna happen?" Changbin protests, thinking that is a difficult task. "And where? Were you thinking of shoving them inside the janitor's closet?"

Everyone looks at him as if he just had the best idea ever.

"Seriously?"

"Do you have something better in mind, then?"

His silence as an answer makes them be decided about it.

"Alright, let's figure out how are we going to do this!"

The bell rings throughout the institute, causing many students to come in and out of classrooms, walking briskly through the hallways after searching their lockers for their belongings. Fortunately you have a free period, so you quickly find your friends on the first floor, who appear to be waiting for your arrival.

"Cafeteria? I'm starving." Jisung asks, and everyone agreeing with his premise head to the place, exchanging a few words about upcoming classes and confirming your study session on this week.

Just as you take a seat on a free bench, Seungmin gasps, as if he just remembered something.

"Oh no, I just remembered I have to make small corrections to the model of my science project."

You look at him with curiosity. Seungmin wasn't really someone who would forget something so important like that, and he didn't look as worried as you think he'd be.

"____, could you do me a huge favor? I left the model on the janitor's closet since it was big and it wouldn't fit on my locker. Also, I didn't want to carry it all day." He explains as he grabs some books out of his backpack, along with his supplies. "I'll treat you with something from the cafeteria in exchange!"

"Uh, yes, of course. In which one you left it? Second floor?"

Seungmin nods with a smile and thanks you as you stand up and walk back to the hallway, not really thinking about how come that could happen to him.

Putting that aside momentarily, you find yourself walking nonchalantly into the closet and once you're inside, start looking for your friend's assignment on the shelves.

A few seconds later, the door opens unexpectedly, revealing the figure of Minho in the door frame. Changbin behind him, looking anxious.

"Are you sure the basketballs are in here?" He asks to his friend without talking his eyes off you, apparently nervous.

"Yes, the coach said there are behind that-" And before he can finish that sentence, he is pushing Minho inside the closet and closing the door behind him.

He almost bumps into you, but manages to hold on to one of the ledges, almost falling to the ground on the spot.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" You ask as you help him to stand up and quickly making sure he isn't hurt.

"Yeah, don't worry. I'm fine." He answers in embarrassment. His ears and face turning red in a second. "I'm sorry, my friends are jerks."

You chuckle, nervously turning around to continue looking for Seungmin's model and hearing Minho is trying to open the door. But of course it's closed from outside.

Immediately you know it's a set up.

Minho curses under his breath and takes his phone out of his pocket when he receives a text message from the group chat with his friends.

Ask him out and we'll open the door ;)

"You have to be kidding me." He mutters and turns around to see the confused expression on your face. He could lie to his friends and say he did it, right? And then this would be just an awkward experience that eventually you'd forget. Probably.

But he now thinks it's stupid but genius at the same time. His friends knew he was nervous to ask you out or even say a word to you, but now you are alone. It was a closet, yes, maybe not the ideal circumstances, but it was private, by all odds.

"-locked it?" You ask, bringing him back to earth. "Is the door closed? We should call someone."

Minho smiles and eyes his phone screen one more time. "Actually, my friends will open it. Soon. They just want me to- ask you..." He sighs, and you look even more confused than before.

With the nervousness making his hands slightly tremble and hia heartbeat increasing, he manages to build up the courage he needs to keep talking. "Look, they just thought it would be a great idea to shove us inside here so I could, uhm, ask you out."

He says that last part rapidly and, but you understand, making you also get blushed and nervous.

You don't say a word for a moment, so he speaks up again.

"I'm sorry, this was obviously dumb. You don't have to-"

"For real?" You ask, still trying to figure out is this was a terrible prank from them. It's not like he had done something like that before. He was, along with his friends, actually very well-behaved and charismatic, despite the stereotypical things said about athletes in the institute. You wouldn't like him if he were like that.

"Yeah, I've liked you for a while now, actually."

No stutter on his words and his eyes fixed on whatever inside that closet but your eyes; his cheeks red and that subtle biting of his lower lip melting your heart. So those gaze exchanging in your classes and whenever you ran into him in the hallways or on the gym weren't a product of your imagination. Minho was really looking at you the same way you did look at him all this time.

"I'd love to." You answer. "Go out with you, I mean."

His eyes dazzle with happiness, finally daring to look at you and getting closer. Not knowing what else to do or say, he sloppily hands you his phone.

"Let's exchange numbers?"

You smile, taking your phone and handing it to him and grabbing his, saving your number with trembling hands and typing your name with a smiley face next to it. He gives you back the device to see he had registered his name with a heart next to it.

"Great. Thanks, I'll message you soon."

"I'll take your word, then." You smile at him, visibly more relaxed, but still going through a roller-coaster of emotions inside.

Minho sends a quick text and a minute later Changbin comes back to open the door with a huge smile on his face.

"I'll see you around, ____." He says with a smile and before he exits the room, he gets closer to leave a small kiss on your cheek, almost running afterwards and making you laugh. You also hear Changbin's screams to tease him.

Later in that day you receive that long awaited message from him, saying he will be taking you this weekend to a thematic coffee shop of a book saga he knew you liked along with a cute pick up line referring to it.

Did you survive the Avada Kedavra curse? Because you’re drop dead gorgeous ;)

Lol, of course I did look up for Harry Potter pickup lines

But that's okay because

I might as well be under the Imperius curse, because I’d do anything for you.

[julemmaes]

Honey - part one

Elide Lochan x Lorcan Salvaterre roommates au

A/N: today I found a list of prompts that I just l o v e d and I decided to write an Elorcan short story cause I really really love them and I just don’t write them enough, so please enjoy this fluff turned mild angst and then again fluff I guess.

masterlist

Word count: 3,073

Elide would have loved to sleep. To be able to put on the soft plaid pyjamas that Lysandra had given her for her birthday only a few days before and slip under the warm covers - the General Psychology paper sitting in front of her as that black dash at the end of the sentence flashed was her only enemy at that moment.

She huffed, closing her eyes for a moment, enjoying the soft music coming out of the computer. She didn't know the song, because the playlist she was listening to had been sent to her by Lorcan and she hadn't had time to scroll through the song titles to memorize the ones she liked best. She couldn't even hear the words, just the soothing melody, but she could guess that it was a love song.

After all, every playlist Lorcan made for her to study with consisted mainly of sappy, romantic songs. Quite the opposite from what Lorcan himself represented, with his trademark grumpy, pissed-off attitude.

She giggled wearily, sliding even lower into the pillows as she thought about what their friends would say if they found out that her roommate looked for chill, love songs in his spare time just to help her out.

Elide never had too much time on her hands, always busy between university and the two jobs she worked to support herself, and when she could actually relax she never thought about finding new music, it was far too much work and tiring. But Lorcan wasn't studying and the shifts at the toy shop or the animal shelter were very often lonely and quiet, so he had time to listen to music for hours on end without anyone interrupting him. Only later, when he would have free time and nothing to do but play video games with Aelin and Rowan, would he get on the computer and create yet another playlist with the songs he thought she would like the most.

She was about to fall asleep when she heard Lorcan's scream and several alarms going off all over the neighborhood.

"No, fuck!"

She snapped her eyes open as she sat up and was surprised to find the room shrouded in darkness, the only source of light coming from her computer. She frowned, reaching for the switch and trying to turn the light on and off. Nothing.

She closed her eyes again, banging her head against the headboard.

This was the third blackout in a week. She couldn't take any more. And she could only hope that the alarms would all be turned off within the hour, because the last time, the building next door had taken over three hours to turn off the last one, causing everyone to lose hours of sleep in the middle of the night. She was just waiting for the dogs' barking to start as well.

Her plan to go to sleep early dissolved like candyfloss in water.

"Lorcan? Everything okay?" she said loud enough for the boy to hear. When no answer came she shook her head, huffing.

Elide looked for the phone among the blankets so she could turn on the torch, but she couldn't find it anywhere. She placed the computer on the floor, getting out of bed and paying attention to where she put her feet, "Where the fuck did I leave it?" she muttered to herself, moving the stuff she had on her desk over to the chair. It wasn't even there. She looked down at the bed again and then touched the pockets of the jeans she'd promised herself she wouldn't take off until she was done studying - nada.

She was about to leave the room when the door jerked open, "Ellie?" the computer screen was pointing too low for it to give enough light for Lorcan to see her, "Are you asleep?"

"Nop," she said from across the room, "I can't find my phone."

Lorcan sighed, "Mine's dead."

"Shit." she cursed, she wasn't a fan of the dark, "Do you remember where we put the candles last time?" she asked walking tentatively towards the doorway.

Suddenly, the music stopped and the computer made the worst sound it could have made at that moment, shutting down for good. She didn't worry about the paper that she had to finish, she knew it would be there once she turned it back on.

"I can't believe it," Lorcan muttered. They were plunged into darkness. "Can you make it over here without killing yourself?"

Elide was trying not to panic. She knew there was nothing in the dark, but that stupid childish fear had never really left her and her heart was beating wildly in her chest. It wasn't anything crippling, but it certainly wasn't a pleasant feeling.

She nodded, realizing then that Lorcan couldn't see her, "Yeah, wait."

"Take my hand."

Elide walked with her arms outstretched forward, moving them to avoid hitting the wardrobe or dresser she kept near the door, but her strategy didn't seem to work as she slammed her side into the latter and knocked half the stuff on it to the floor.

She grunted in pain, bringing both hands to the sore spot, "For fuck's sake."

She heard Lorcan chuckle, "What did you hit?"

"I think the dresser," she whined, then raised her head, as if she could see him, "Where are you?"

He snorted, "I'll try to get there. Stay right where you are."

"Where do you want me to go." Elide frowned, speaking so softly that even she struggled to hear herself over all those alarms. Another chuckle was soon broken by a growl of pain, followed by a series of very colourful swear words that made the girl burst out laughing.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," continued Lorcan, who, by the sound of the various thumps, was probably hopping on one foot, "I think I stepped on one of your stupid earrings."

"Oh, god," Elide wheezed, more out of exasperation than anything else, "pray you didn't break it because I might kill you."

"It's already taken care of that. We'd only be even if I broke it," he said, cursing as he put his foot back on the ground, "Just stand there and I'll try to pick everything up."

Elide couldn't keep the smile off her lips, "I'll help you."

They hadn't realised how close they actually were, because the second she lowered herself to kneel on the ground, her head slammed into something very hard. She grunted in pain again, bringing her hands to her forehead, but burst out laughing soon after. The situation was getting ridiculous.

"Christ, Elide, are you alright? Please tell me that wasn't your head." asked Lorcan immediately, stretching his hands forward.

Elide didn't know what he had wanted to do, probably make sure her head was still in one piece, but what his hands touched certainly wasn't her head. The laughter died in her throat with a broken sound and before Lorcan realised he was palming her, several moments passed. When he too seemed to come to realisation, he let out a squeak and immediately moved his hands away.

Lorcan squeaked.

"Did you just touch my tits?" asked Elide in a whisper. At the sound Lorcan made, Elide's entire body was covered in shivers.

He cleared his throat, "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay." she grinned. Elide managed to sympathize with the darkness in that moment, almost thanking it for hiding what was sure to be the reddest face Lorcan would ever see.

"Are you okay?" he asked her again, "Sorry I didn't mean to knee you in the forehead."

"I think I might have a concussion," she said, deciding to fuck with him.

"Ha ha," he huffed, "very funny."

Elide imagined him frowning more and more, then sighed, "Okay come on, let's go find these damn candles." she pulled herself upright, one hand on her head and the other on her hip, then muttered, "And tomorrow we're going to go buy a supply of electric torches."

She heard him chuckle, "Can you follow me or do I have to hold your hand?"

Without a second thought, she reached out a hand towards where she thought his would be. Only her fingers didn't meet bare skin, but the fabric of Lorcan's sweatpants, who with a surprised yelp took a few steps backwards, "What's that? Are you trying to even the score?" he said amused.

"Please tell me it was anything but your-" the words died in her mouth. She would have rather died and groaned, bringing her hands to her face when he burst out laughing.

"If you wanted to touch all you had to do was ask, babe," he teased.

"Fuck, knock it off," she said throwing a hand forward, at a safe height, and hitting him in the chest with her fist.

He grunted, but grabbed her wrist, finally intertwining his fingers with hers, "Was that so hard?"

She said nothing, but dug her nails into his flesh and that was enough.

She dragged her feet on the floor so she wouldn't risk sticking earrings or anything else in the soles of her feet and when they were finally in the hallway, she didn't worry about where to walk because she was simply following Lorcan. The warmth of his hand clasped in hers was reassuring her greatly.

"How long do you think this will last?" she asked once they reached the kitchen.

"I honestly have no idea," he said. Elide heard the light switch being turned on and then a faint, "Ah, yeah." coming from him.

She giggled, then brought her hand to her mouth as she yawned, "I just wish I could sleep."

"Rough day?" asked Lorcan, opening the hand that was gripping hers. It took her a while to realize that he was silently asking her to let him go. She felt herself flush again for not realizing it right away, and with deep chagrin she pulled her fingers away one by one, immediately missing him.

She nodded, flinching when one of the alarms changed pace, becoming louder and more insistent. She sighed, knowing they were doomed to at least another hour like that, "Classes this morning were boring as hell, but they were important so I spent six hours on books and there was no one at the café this afternoon, which means not getting too tired and not running after every order, but it also means-"

"-no tips. Yes, I know," Lorcan finished for her. She could feel him opening drawers and rummaging through items looking for anything candle-shaped.

"Your day?" she asked, yawning once more.

She heard Lorcan halt, "God, you're exhausted." she didn't answer, so he continued, "Nothing much. They came to adopt one of the newcomers this afternoon though, and I'm pretty positive that family is perfect for that pup."

Elide could hear the smile in his voice.

Lorcan might have seemed like a mean person on the surface, callous. And indeed he was a bit of a jerk if you weren't one of the people he 'put up with', as he always said, but anyone who really knew him could confirm that he was one of the most loyal and trustworthy people ever.

The fact that he worked at an animal shelter and cared about the families to whom the puppies were entrusted or at a toy shop where Elide had often seen him help multiple parents choose the perfect gift were just two of the examples that could be given to prove such a point.

"Good," she murmured.

"Ro's going to kill me," he complained, "We were playing against a bunch of kids online and now they're going to think I quit because we suck."

Elide grinned, "But you guys do suck."

The shuffling sound stopped again, "Say that again. I dare you."

She chuckled, moving a chair and sitting down. She yawned for the third time and furrowed her brow. She didn't like yawning.

"Ellie, what the fuck," Lorcan huffed in disbelief, "help me instead of just sitting there."

She groaned, "You kneed me and I'm dead tired, I have every right to do nothing," she justified herself, "Besides, the light will be back on in a few minutes. Chill out."

"Chill out." he mimicked her voice. Then he cheered, making her gasp, "Found it!"

"Good luck finding the lighter." she whispered, crossing her arms over the table and resting her head on them.

He whistled, "How nice we are tonight," then he closed the drawers slamming them shut one by one and Elide wanted to punch him again for all the noise, "But it doesn't touch me, because it's in my pocket." and then a flame lit up the room just enough for Elide to see his face.

She scowled, "Why do you have a lighter in your pocket?"

The victorious, sly expression Lorcan had had fell away so quickly that for a second Elide thought something had happened or he'd been burned.

She was almost afraid to ask, "Have you started smoking again?"

"No." he answered too quickly.

Elide stood up, throwing her arms in the air, "Lorcan!" she opened her eyes wide, "You quit over three months ago."

He grimaced, "Not really." he spoke so softly she almost didn't hear him.

Her frown deepened, "What do you mean, 'not really'? You're such a dick," she mumbled, shaking her head.

In the meantime he had lit more candles and was arranging them on the kitchen counter, but when he spoke he looked at Elide and she saw that he was holding back from insulting her in turn. "I'm not a dick, I simply didn't tell you that I had resumed..." he trailed off, then huffed, "two weeks after I quit."

Elide opened her mouth wide, "Two we-" then exploded, "Lorcan, it's bad for you.  B-a-d." she spelled, drawing the letters in the air with her finger, "Do you understand that if you keep smoking your lungs will turn so black they'll look like ash?"

Lorcan clenched his jaw, "I know, thanks for reminding me."

Elide crossed her arms over her chest, speaking in a strained tone, "Why did you start again? Why didn't you tell me?"

He turned his back to her at that, with the excuse of arranging the candles around the kitchen better, but Elide knew it was because he didn't want to look at her face. He didn't answer.

"Where are they?"

"What?"

"The cigarettes. The packet? Where is it?" she demanded to know, walking up to him.

Lorcan turned, taking a step back when he realised she was less than a metre away from him. He frowned, "I'm not telling you."

Elide's eyes went wide, "Why?"

"Because you'd snap them all," he said in an obvious tone.

She nodded vehemently, "Yes, exactly!"

Then he sighed, "Can we just let it go?"

"Sure, if you want to let it go that you're going to die of cancer and that you've been lying to me the whole time, we can let it go," she said, biting her bottom lip and shaking her head. Then she huffed out a laugh, "You're unbelievable."

"Ellie, listen, I'm not smoking as much as I used to, we're talking about one to two cigarettes a day at most," he tried to reassure her, running a hand through his hair. She could hear it in his tone of voice that he felt guilty and embarrassed, whether it was because he had lied to her or because she had found out she couldn't tell.

With a little more light brightening up the room, Elide realised only then that he was shirtless.

Fuck, she thought. Lorcan with his shirt off was a feast for the eyes.

She quickly shifted her gaze to the floor as the light returned in a flash and she was forced to close her over-sensitive eyes. They heard the tv turn on again and the melody of the video game fill the silence.

"Thank fuck." Lorcan muttered as almost all the alarms went off. Now only the few that had to be turned off manually and the dogs continued their assault on their ears.

When Elide opened her eyes again, she cursed. There was blood on the tiles. She leaned forward, looking down at the crotch of her jeans to make sure it wasn't hers, even though she knew she wasn't on her period. "Lorcan?" she asked hesitantly, then turned her head towards him, not moving her gaze from the floor, "I think you're bleeding."

"What? Oh fuck." he chuckled. Elide looked up at him at that point and saw him leaning on the table with one hand and placing the ankle of his right foot on his left knee. He looked up at her, "Your earring stabbed me."

A laugh bubbled out of her, "I'm sorry."

Lorcan looked into her eyes and his shone, "Don't worry, I'll clean it up."

"I'll help if you want." she offered, then yawned and cursed in the middle of it.

He snorted, one corner of his mouth curled up, "Nah, go to bed. I'll take care of it."

Then she let go a whine, "Oh my god my room is going to look like a crime scene if you managed to get blood in here too."

Lorcan smiled tightly, "I'll take care of that too."

Elide nodded, admiring her friend's bare torso and arms one last time.

If Lorcan noticed, he didn't show it, and Elide was grateful for that moment of discretion, they'd had enough of awkward moments for that evening.

Warning him that she was going to bed, she went into the bathroom, undressing very slowly and slipping into her soft pyjamas. When she returned to her room, she noticed a wet spot on the floor and smiled, realising that he had started cleaning from her bedroom. She shouted a simple "goodnight" to him and without waiting for an answer slipped under the covers, ready for a deep and well-deserved night's sleep.

Just a second before she could fall asleep, the door opened slightly and she heard what could only be Lorcan place something on her bedside table. She couldn't open her eyes or bring herself to talk in that moment to ask him what the hell he was doing, but when she woke up the next morning, two packets of cigarettes and the lighter he'd used the night before sat there.

tog tag list (if you wanna be added or removed just send me an ask or dm me)

@maastrash @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sleeping-and-books @ladywitchling @thegoddessofyou @ghostlyrose2 @claralady @anne-reads @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @letstakethedawn @simping4bookboisngrls @thewayshedreamed 

[barsformars]

Tricky

//

g - fluff, slighttttttt angst, suggestive

p - san x reader

w.c - 1.9k

t.w - san touching reader's naked body

c - san takes care of you when you get injured and are left all alone at home. the catch is? both of you obviously have feelings for each other but.....san

a.n - uusjsjjs this was requested through private message! im sorry it took so long lmao uh, this is just 1.9k of plotless words nothing will be solved by the end of the story so its almost like word vomit???

t.l - @closer-stars @jeongyunhoed @fairyofdusk

//

"It's not funny," you snarled at the pink haired boy who seemed to be overly amused at this situation in which both your arms were put in slings. You had slipped over a puddle of water, and that had sent you flying down the small flight of stairs right outside the taekwondo dojang, resulting in two dislocated shoulders. San pressed his lips firmly into a tight line to stop the corners of them from quirking up. On one hand, he does feel really bad, but if he said you didn't look ridiculously hilarious right now, he'd be lying. "I wonder who was on the verge of tears earlier on."

"That's because you were in so much pain I felt so bad for having asked you over for a sparring session!" San defended himself, a small pout forming as he did so. "At least the body and shin guards saved you from breaking your bones."

Once the elevator reached your floor, San pressed on the button to hold them open while keeping a close eye on you as you slowly exited. You've never noticed how much arm or shoulder action happens when you walk, until now.

It was only when you stepped through your front door and noticed your roommate's house slippers still sitting on the bottom of the shoe rack do you remember that they were out on a business trip. Being alone at home right now wasn't an option for you when you couldn't do anything by yourself, but your roommate wouldn't be back till next week. You didn't want to burden any of your other friends so late in the night, you had no choice but to rely on San.

But things...are always a little trickier with him.

"I can only stay for tonight," San sighed as he placed his phone down on the coffee table. You don't know if it was a sigh of relief or one of frustration; he had pleaded over the phone for ten minutes. "But my manager said that they can send someone over to help you out for the next few days."

"It's alright, I'll ask Jimin for help tomorrow. If they aren't available, I'll let you know, yea?" San nods, though rather reluctantly. He trusts that you'll be able to take care of yourself, except physically for now at least.

San holds you by the waist to support you as you got up from the couch, keeping an arm wrapped around it as he brought you to the bathroom. "Please tell me you have a bathtub."

"I insisted on having one, glad it's finally of actual use."

"Oh yeah."

As you soaked in the warm bath that San had ran for you, you couldn't help but think of everything that has been happening between the two of you. The lingering touches, the jokes with double meanings, the way he gazes at you so softly, and the sudden tension that fills up the atmosphere following all those. San hasn't put a title over what this relationship was, and you've been too afraid to take the lead even though you knew that friends don't act like that towards one another. You didn't want to pressure him, he already has a lot on his plate. But he ought to give you an answer soon if he's about to see you in your most vulnerable state, right?

There comes another knock on the door, the tenth one in the whole duration of your bath. "I was being serious when I said don't try to act tough and do everything alone." The knocking continued on non-stop until you replied.

"You're an impatient one, aren't you?" You joked. "I'm done, I need help getting out."

"Not impatient, just worried." You hear his back leave the door for a moment as he stood up from the floor. And as politely as he could be while intruding into your private space, San pushed open the toilet door gently and stepped in after informing you first. You couldn't stop the giggle from escaping your throat when you took sight of him, his eyes shut close in consideration that you might not want him seeing you naked.

"Oh, you're laughing? At me?" San asked in disbelief as he pulled his arms that were searching for the wall back and rested his hands on his hips, a playful smile growing on his face. "Why are you laughing?"

"Because you're cute," you cooed, much to his dismay.

"I'm not cute!" San argued, his eyes now open and glaring at you, still rather adorably. But before you could tease him any further, San practically stomped his way to the bathtub, leaning down to your eye level as his arms gripped onto the sides. "Don't mistake my manners for cuteness, I'm not." He said, almost with a growl, as he reached into the water and wrapped his strong arms around your torso, pulling you up so that you could stand. Taking pride in the way your eyes widened in surprise, San couldn't help but smirk before giving you a quick peck on your forehead. "You're cute."

Once he got you out of the bathtub, San tried his best to not look at your body as he dried you up with a towel while you stood there blankly, still at a complete loss for words. "You're so rude," you told San after finally able to process whatever just happened a minute ago. The boy merely raised his eyebrows, his lips pursed. "Taking advantage of my injuries to show off your strength when you know how I feel about it."

"Well, you're not stupid, you know how I feel about you. It's only normal I act cool a little," San replied nonchalantly but you could tell that he was too afraid to look you in the eye. "Come on, let's go get you dressed."

"Also, just thought that you should know...." San paused for a moment to make sure that you dried your feet properly on the mat before continuing. "I almost patted your bare ass earlier on." You can't even blame him. With how touchy he and his members are, you aren't even surprised that touching people's butt has become their second nature. But even then, he really didn't have to tell you.

"TMI dude."

San had been watching YouTube tutorials on how to put on shirts with a dislocated shoulder while waiting for you to wash up earlier on. You wouldn't have known either if he wasn't showing off all the knowledge that he had learnt less than half an hour ago by trying to convince you quite passionately, and with demonstrations, about why a dress shirt would be much easier to put on than a t-shirt, especially in your case.

"I will. I will wear dress shirts until my shoulders recover," you sighed heavily in defeat. "But just for tonight, can you help me with a t-shirt? I want to sleep comfortably even if it's just for tonight."

This time it was San's turn to sigh as he reached out to pinch your cheek. "I already told you that it will hurt."

"Make it not hurt then." You shook your head so that he would let go.

"Just sleep naked then," San mumbled under his breath but loud enough for you to hear, causing you to scowl at the boy. He catches your expression and sticks his tongue out at you. "Am I wrong?"

"T-shirt," you stated firmly, refusing to comply even when you knew San only had the best intentions for you in mind. You already don't think you could sleep with two injured shoulders, much less with your crush staying the night with you, and definitely even much lesser with an uncomfortable sleeping outfit. "Or I'll bite you." Those words becoming a reality became much more probable when his dimples makes an appearance once again, resembling the dent on a mochi when you press into it with a finger.

"I don't think that's a wise idea right now, maybe next time-" he gave you a gentle boop on the top of your nose with his finger-"now, your majesty, may I help you put on your gold thread shirt made from silk of the finest quality on so that both me and you can be spared from getting ourselves into a tricky situation?" If you could throw a punch at San right now, you would, but all you could do right now was to sit on the bed quietly and accept the teasing. And also whatever San was about to do to help you put on the shirt.

You wonder if it's too late to change your choice of clothing after San kneels down behind you on the bed, his chest and toned abdomen almost plastered onto your back as he reached over your shoulders to grab your forearms. "I need you to put your arms a little closer together, we'll have to try to get both through the sleeves together," he explained clearly and waited for your nod before he moved your arms as cautiously as he could, his eyes studying every twitch of your facial expression to check for discomfort or pain. "Tell me if it hurts okay? Don't act tough, I keep telling you that but please, please don't act tough."

All you could manage was a soft "mhm", your throat feeling too tight for proper words to come out of your mouth. You wonder if San, like how you could feel the warmth of his hands and body, could feel the heat radiating off your cheeks too. "I'm going to pull both sleeves up now, it may hurt a little," San warned, one hand coming up to pat your head affectionately before he gripped onto the sleeves again. Even with how gentle he was being, a wince still manages to escape from you, putting a pause on San's actions as he tilt his head to look at you. "I'm sorry, it will be over soon." You nodded, fully trusting him.

Though there were still a couple more times your shoulders hurt before the sleeves were fully through, the little apology he makes every time that happens comforts you, and also, makes your heart beats embarrassingly fast. Getting your head through the hole was a much easier feat and it didn't take long before your shirt was on.

San got off your bed to fetch his backpack and for a moment you thought that he was going to pull out the painkillers that you were prescribed with but instead, he took out two boxes of shoulder brace. "When did you even get that?" You asked, amused and touched at the same time. The shoulder slings the hospital had put you in was terribly uncomfortable and while the brace may not be way better, it was still better than the sling.

"When you were getting your x-ray done," San replied with a proud smile.

"Aw, I would give you a pat on your head if I could."

Upon hearing that, San practically shoved his pink hair into your face as he bent down. "You can kiss me on my head."

"I will bite you."

[mimisempai]

You walked into my life like you had always lived there

Summary

Charles has resigned himself to a life alone in Paris, but he might be surprised by a visit from an "old friend"... Will they get another chance to reach happiness?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31463351

Words:3719 - Chapters:1/1

This morning, like every other morning, sitting on the terrace of the café downstairs from his small apartment, Charles was waiting for his usual coffee while watching the bustle of the street. Delivery men unloading their vans at the grocery store on the corner, the bookstore owner unpacking his shelves, a tourist couple having their picture taken with the view of Montmartre in the background. The passers-by, people going to work, others walking their dogs. All this lively and colorful world coming and going, talking, laughing, reminded him of the hallway of a certain school, in the mornings just before the students entered their classrooms.

And like every morning, Charles was acutely aware of his loneliness. He had voluntarily closed his mind to all other thoughts than his own.

Thoughts that were enough to torment him.

More often than not, they were memories which he forced himself to face. His mistakes, what he should or should not have done. Searching, dissecting when he had lost sight of his values. At what point he had let down those he had sworn to protect since the day he had discovered Raven in his kitchen so many years ago.

But appeasement never came.

At the beginning, Hank gave him news of the school, of the progress of the students, news of each one and then little by little the messages had spaced, Charles put more and more time to answer, letting the distance grow voluntarily. It was now 3 months that he had no news and it was good like that.

Raven, Jean, Alex... and the names of all the others were spinning in his head, like a macabre dance, a torture he was inflicting on himself to atone.

There was only one name that he refused to pronounce, that he refused to think about. The one name that had always been able to read him without having any telepathic powers.

"You're always sorry, Charles. And there's always a speech. But nobody cares anymore."

"Will that be all sir?"

The waitress, pulling him out of his musings, put his coffee on the table.

"Yes, thank you," Charles replied.

"Mutant and proud."

Raven had always been right,

"Or is that only with pretty mutations or invisible ones, like yours. But if you're a freak, better hide."

Mutant yes, but proud he was no longer. He was the freak who had to hide.

He took a sip of his coffee and ran his hand over his face.

He suddenly felt a presence behind his back, and a shiver went through him at the sound of the voice with such familiar inflections,

"How's retirement treating you Charles?"

Erik sat down and placed a small case containing a chess set at his feet. Why was he there? To taunt him? To provoke him? Charles resisted the temptation to read his mind. He clenched his fist on his knee. Erik was the only one to provoke this storm of emotions in him. The only one who had the capacity to unsettle him.

So as always he chose the attack,"What are you doing here, Erik?"

He finally dared to meet Erik's eyes, and he almost gasped, because, in the blue-gray eyes, there was nothing of the harshness, of the disappointment from their last meeting. Erik's gaze was kind and open as he replied with a slight smile, "I came to see an old friend. Fancy a game?"

Erik showed him the chess set at their feet. Their usual chess game, the moment when their minds clashed. That space outside of time, where despite the fights and conflicts, they always managed to find each other. But this time Charles wasn't sure he had the strength to offer Erik a worthy opponent. So he shook his head and replied, "No, not today. Thank you."

He looked away. He couldn't look at Erik when so many emotions were running through him. He was sure he would never see the only man he had ever loved again, and there he was in front of him, beautiful, making Charles even more aware of his own state.

"A long time ago, you saved my life. Then you offered me a home. I'd like to do the same for you."

Charles studied Erik's expression for a long time. Always the same openness and acceptance. He was once again tempted to read Erik's mind.

"You can, you know." Erik made the hand motion that Charles made when he wanted to access someone's mind.

As always he had seen right through Charles, but again no disappointment or disgust in the voice and the eyes.

Charles after swallowing, answered in a slightly hoarse voice, having trouble containing his emotions.

"I don't do that anymore."

Erik simply nodded with a half smile, put his hands in his pockets, then took them out, and held them out in front of him in clenched fists, just like in the old days.

"Just one game. For old times' sake."

Charles gave in, he didn't feel like fighting anymore, he didn't feel like pretending. So he held out his hand to Erik's right fist, which opened to a white pawn.

Erik said with a slight teasing smile, "I'll go easy on you."

Charles replied with the same smile, just a little more hesitant, "No, you won't."

As they set up the pieces, Erik added, "I might surprise you, you know Charles."

Charles stopped his motion as he went to move a knight, and said with emotion in his voice as he stared into Erik's eyes, "You already have."

Time stood still for a moment, neither of them able to take their eyes off the other. Then Charles continued his movement and the game resumed.

The sun was high in the sky when they finished their game. It was Erik who had won. But as always, no matter who won, neither of them cared, the important thing was the duel not the result.

"Well?" inquired Erik as he closed the chess set, "Did you have time to think about my offer?"

"Did you mean it?" Charles hoped Erik couldn't hear the eagerness in his voice, because he really wanted to accept Erik's offer. But did he deserve it? Did he have a right to this home Erik was offering him? And what did a home even mean?

His hand began to tremble slightly, as if he wanted to grasp something, but didn't dare. He closed his eyes to compose himself.

He felt a hand rest on his as Erik's voice said softly, "Charles...". He opened his eyes. Erik's hand opened his clenched fist and intertwined his fingers with his. Charles slowly raised his eyes to Erik's face.

The urge to surrender, to let go, hit Charles even harder. He could see so much in Erik's eyes, but he was so afraid of being disappointed and of disappointing... again. He closed his fingers over Erik's and tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat.

Erik continued, "Charles, no demands, no debts, no obligations, this is completely free, I'm just offering you a simple and protected life. It's far from a castle life, but Genosha is a small, isolated island where we have created a self-sufficient community. Most of the inhabitants are like us, "retired" mutants with wounds to heal. You can-"

Charles interrupted him, "It's okay Erik, no need to say any more, I accept. " and after a moment of silence, he added, "Thank you."

Erik simply smiled, put his other hand over their entwined hands and said, "I'm just showing the same generosity that you have shown to me over and over again. No need for gratitude between us. We are just two friends and..."

Erik paused as if he were about to say something else.

"And?" asked Charles, curious about what Erik had stopped himself from saying.

For the first time since the beginning of this meeting, Erik looked a little unsettled before answering, "Nothing... well at least not now."

Charles didn't insist, he knew there was a lot to clear up between them. But now that he had decided to follow Erik to his island, he knew they had time.

"So how do we do this?"

Erik replied as he stood up, "I'll go with you to your flat, you take what you need for a few days, and we'll leave for Genosha. You can get the rest delivered later."

"So soon?"

"Why wait? Do you have obligations here, people to say goodbye to?"

"No!" replied Charles curtly, angry at having been found out once again.

He began to roll his wheelchair quickly toward the entrance of his building. Erik joined him in two strides before putting his hand on his shoulder. Charles felt bad for being so touch starved that this simple touch immediately soothed him.

"Charles, I know what it's like, I've been there. Don't get upset. It wasn't a criticism or a mockery." He squeezed Charles' shoulder before letting his hand fall back.

"I know..." sighed Charles. "Come on."

As they walked through the door of Charles' tiny apartment, sensing that Erik was about to say something, Charles admonished him, "Don't say anything."

Erik waved his hand, as if he were zipping up his mouth without hiding his smile, but finally couldn't help himself.

"My Charles, do you live in that shoebox? I'm disappointed in you! Pretty spartan."

Seeing Charles' dark glare, he pretended to surrender. "Ok, ok, I'm not saying anything more."

Charles muttered, "Liar."

Then they gathered Charles' things and a few hours later they were on their way to Genosha.

__________

Two weeks later, Charles was unpacking the last of the boxes that had just arrived, mostly books. Erik had built him some makeshift shelves. His "residence" like all of Genosha’s, was made of salvaged materials, but Charles didn't mind. Although he had always lived in a certain opulence, he knew how to make do with little.

"Need a hand?"

Erik had just stepped through the curtain that served as a door.

"I'm not saying no."

They hadn't had time to really talk and clear the air between them, but Erik was very thoughtful. Charles was a little insecure, not knowing where he stood. So he decided to just take things as they came. If he was honest with himself, he knew how he felt about Erik. But he wouldn't act, he didn't want to risk breaking the friendship they were rebuilding.

Erik had begun unpacking a box of books.

"Do you have a particular order?"

"No put them on the shelves as they come for now."

So Erik began to put the books away, commenting on some of the titles.

"Oh Charles, Charlotte Brontë really? Jane Eyre as well?"

"Hey Erik, just because you're helping me doesn't mean you have to like what I read."

"Ho Ho! You even marked a page."

Charles remembered, what page and what words he had written in the margin.

"Erik, please put that book away, it doesn't matter."

But he could see from Erik's face that he wasn't about to let go, so he resigned himself and closed his eyes waiting for a reaction, of what kind, he didn't know.

"Charles?"

Charles squeezed his eyes tighter.

"Yes?"

"Is that about me?"

Charles had a small self-deprecating laugh before he replied, "I don't know any other Erik, so yes."

"What do you mean with 'you left Erik and now I'm bleeding'?"

Charles let out a big sigh and put his head in his hands. "This is really embarrassing...it's in relation to the underlined passage that's a little higher up if I remember correctly."

He knew the phrase by heart, because it had resonated in a special way since he'd met Erik, but he hadn't expected the raw emotion that ran through him when he heard Erik read the words aloud.

“I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I’m afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I’d take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, you’d forget me.”

Charles heard Erik put the book down, and a sound of footsteps, he still didn't want to open his eyes, he was too afraid of what he would read in Erik's eyes. He was aware of Erik's presence very close to him, then a hand clasped his.

"Charles, please look at me." Erik's voice was almost pleading, Charles didn't resist and opened his eyes, to see that Erik had knelt down to be at his level. Then he looked up at Erik's eyes, afraid of what he would find there, and gasped, Erik looked almost amazed, yes that's right, amazed.

"Charles is that how you still feel?" Erik asked him in an pressing tone, his eyes scanning his, leaving Charles no escape.

Charles swallowed, and despite his tight throat, he tried to answer, "Yes."

"But when... I mean since when?"

"When? Do you remember the day you managed to unlock your power. The day you let me access that memory? Well since that day, I've felt this very strong connection between us."

Erik tightened his grip on his hand and asked, "And those words in the margin?"

Charles' voice was a whisper, "After the missiles and the beach, when you left."

"Oh Charles, I...I'm so sorry." The regret was genuine in Erik's eyes.

"Don't be anymore, it's been a long time since I forgave you and since then I think I've made my share of mistakes and bad decisions. Some of which have more consequences than losing my legs. Raven was right, I had forgotten who I was. Why I started all this in the first place. I lost sight of what was important, I lost... I lost so much. And I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner, and... I'm not as evolved as I thought I was. You say you're sorry Erik, but you don't know how sorry I am. Forgive me I... I must..."

Charles had to go, he had to get out, the grief he had been feeling since he left school, no even before, since Raven's death, it was all threatening to come out, he didn't want to fall apart like that in front of Erik.

But Erik was keeping him from walking away. Still kneeling and holding his hand.

"Erik, please move over... let go of me, I have to get out, I-" the tears were starting to blur his vision, with his free hand he was trying to push his wheelchair forward.

"Charles, stop! You don't have to leave. You don't have to be alone anymore. You are not alone!"

Erik loosened Charles other hand's grip on the wheel, and suddenly took him in his arms, and he felt his lips move against his head and the words came to his ears "Charles, you can let go, even though I've failed you many times in the past, this time I won't. Let it go. Don't be afraid, I'll catch you."

Because Charles no longer had the strength to stay strong, because he was craving for someone to lean on, he let go. He let the grief engulf him, because he knew Erik was there and would keep him from drowning.

Erik continued to hold him and whispered over and over, "That's it, let it all out. I'm here mein Liebster. Let it out."

Once the crying dried up, exhaustion fell on Charles and he fell asleep in Erik's arms. He was sleeping so deeply that Erik had been able to lift him out of his wheelchair without him waking up and now he was lying with his back against Erik's front, his head under his chin and Erik's arms wrapped around Charles.

Erik had been torn when he saw his beloved overwhelmed by grief and wondered how long it had been since Charles had been able to express his pain. He had always been attracted to the shining side of Charles, he often compared them to two sides of the same coin. But when he'd found him in Paris, he'd seen that all that light was like dulled.

"Erik..." the still broken voice Charle continued, "Thank you..."

"Sshh Charles, I told you no thanks are needed between us."

"Yeah..." Erik felt Charles relax against him again.

"Sleep, meine Liebster."

Much later, Erik was awakened by a gentle brushing sensation on his face. He opened his eyes, found himself facing Charles, who was withdrawing his hand as if he had been caught with his hands in the jam jar.  Erik grabbed his hand and placed it back on his own cheek.

"Don't stop Charles..."

He saw Charles' expression ease as he gently stroked his face with feather-like touches, tracing Erik's facial lines with his fingertips.

Their faces were so close that Erik immediately caught sight of Charles gulping as a veil of sadness passed over his face.

"What's wrong?"

"I've lost you so many times already," Charles murmured.

"But I'm still here and so are you. Now we're together."

Erik couldn't resist, he crossed the remaining distance between them and put his lips to Charles'. It was as if everything fell into place in their worlds at that moment.

They remained for a long time, joined in a soft and almost innocent embrace.

Charles moved back and stared at Erik, looking for something in his eyes. He must have found what he was looking for because he smiled. His hand came up to brush a strand of hair from his face.

His lips parted and he pressed them to Erik's again. Erik licked the corner of his mouth and slid his tongue over his bottom lip, then kissed him. Charles quickly opened up to him, welcoming him wordlessly with his lips and hands in his hair. His tongue mimicked the actions of hers, and soon they were drinking from each other's lips, caught up in a thirst that would not seem to be quenched.

Erik slid his hands to Charles' waist, and pulled him as close as he could get. Charles' head fell back with a moan as Erik’s fingers slipped under his shirt and caressed his back. Erik took advantage of his distraction and lowered his head even further to press himself against his neck. He felt the slide of his tongue against his skin, then his teeth biting the same spot. Charles had a slight startle. His hands slid over Erik's shoulders and his fingers dug in. Erik immediately raised his head, worried about his reaction. "Not good?"

"No. Good. Really good," Charles reassured him in a gentle sigh. Erik smiled fondly and returned his attentions to Charles' neck. But Charles groaned and tugged at his hair, pulling Erik toward him so he could take his lips again.

Much later, as they both caught their breath. Lips to lips, forehead to forehead, Charles asked Erik, "I don't know if I was dreaming or not, but before you called me 'mein liebster', 'my dearest' if I am not mistaken."

For the first time since he had known him, Charles saw Erik's cheeks turn slightly pink. However, Erik's voice was perfectly assured as he replied, "You were not dreaming mein Liebster." He punctuated his words with a tender kiss.

"Unless you prefer, mein Schatz, my treasure." Another kiss.

"Or mein Geliebter, my beloved." Another kiss.

It was now Charles's turn to have slightly red cheeks. But he, too, looked Erik squarely in the eye and asked, "Is that really what I am?"

"Yes, my love and much more." Erik emphasized this with another kiss.

"Since when?"

"I'll show you. By looking into my thoughts in the brightest corner of my sensory memory like you did that time, you will find an additional memory beyond the one you found to help me unlock my powers."

Charles began to protest, "No Erik, I don't want to-"

Erik put a finger over his mouth, "Shhh, I'm asking you to."

He took Charles' hand and placed his fingers against his temple, in the familiar gesture he had when he wanted to access someone's thoughts.

Erik, visibly moved, addressed Charles, "What did you just do to me?"

"I accessed the brightest corner of your memory system. It's a very beautiful memory, Erik. Thank you"

"I didn't know I still had that."

Charles put his hand on his shoulder and said with strength and emotion in his voice, "There's so much more to you than you know. Not just pain and anger. There's good to you, I felt it. And when you can access all that, you'll possess a power no one can match. Not even me."

When Charles exited Erik's head, they were both deeply moved by the strength of the emotions of the shared memory.

Erik pressed his forehead against Charles'.

"What you told me that day, that there was good to me, that you felt it. It's a memory as happy as my mother's. It was also that day that I felt the connection between us. That I knew that-"

Erik paused for a moment.

"That you knew what?"

"That I was hopelessly and madly in love with you. I love you Charles. We've fought together, we've clashed, we've been through terrible trials sometimes together, sometimes against each other, but this, what I feel for you has always been my ultimate truth. I love you Charles."

Charles once again gasped, this time at the open adoration he read on Erik's face.

He raised his hand to his face, tracing the outline of it he said, his voice broken, "Despite all the detours I've taken, all the bad decisions you or I have made, every time, when it counted, you were there by my side, that unchanging presence. I can't tell where you start and where I end. I love you Erik, more than my life."

There. That moment. This moment of perfect communion after all they had been through. The fate, the choices, the events that had separated them, brought them together in a spiral that never seemed to end, it was all over. It was time for them to live. It wasn't the end, it was the beginning. This was their story.

___________

Although I am very familiar with X-men - Movie verse, I have never written for this fandom before. After rewatching Dark Phoenix, I'm only holding onto this ending scene. I wanted to write about Erik and Xavier from there. I hope I did them justice.

Not beta'd I hope you enjoyed your reading.

[astriefer]

Please have this messy, badly written scenario as a humble gift to you, because I wanted to do something since I reached 200 followers!

Bits of Truth

They stood in front of the Carstairs' townhouse in Cornwall Gardens. Christopher seemed mildly confused about what they were doing there as if he had not been paying attention. James shared one last glance with Thomas before he knocked on the door.

A few bits of silence flew by, in which they had held their breaths. Then footsteps tapped on the floor, and the door cracked open.

A wave of relief passed through James that not Sona nor Risa or any other maid came to open the door. Then he thought what a peculiar thought it was for him to be relieved by. Alastair looked at them, frozen in place, blinking a few times as if he didn't believe they were truly there. He rejoined his composure hastily. He didn't let them in - he stood in the front door and his eyes searched theirs for an explanation. It was like a weird staring contest. Eventually, Alastair spoke first. "Cordelia is not here. You know it fairly well."

He moved to close the door. "We haven't come for Cordelia," he said quickly, which received another incredulous glance from Alastair. "Well, we have. But not because we thought she'd show up here. We came to talk to you."

Alastair narrowed his eyes, expressionless, and considered James. Then he glanced at Christopher and Thomas, noting their desperate eyes. "About my sister?"

"We won't take long," promised James, despite he wasn't sure it's true. Alastair studied him, and James felt himself going rigid. He leveled Alastair with his indecipherable gaze.

Then Alastair had stepped back from the door and ushered them in. "My mother is in her bedroom, resting, and Risa went shopping for supper. So, you have to be quiet. Make it quick.'

~~~~

Alastair took their coats and tilted his head towered the parlor. A kettle whiselted in the kitchen. As he gestured them inside he turned the other way. A fire burned in the chimney, and a book rested peacefully on the armchair. When James examined closer he discovered it was written in Persian. Thomas mumbled something about Persian poetry.

Alastair came inside with a tray and James thought he was, for a change, being hospitable, but he ignored them and disappeared up the stairs. When he got back, empty-handed, James assumed the tea was for his mother. Alastair placed the book on the table as he sat down in front of them. Thomas and Christopher set on a love sofa and James set stoned on another armchair. He didn't waste time being the kind host, James presumed. "What it is about my sister?"

The golden-eyed boy decided the best tactic was started from what he knew. That wasn't much, but it was the most important thing, and he was certain about it, at the very least. "I love your sister."

Alastair raised his eyebrows, amused. "Yes, that's something that tends to happen between married couples, I've been told."

James shook his head. "This marriage, of Cordelia and I," just saying her name on his lips made a treacherous skip of his heartbeat, full of hurt and love. "It was a sham marriage."

Alastair pools of dark marble were fixed on James when he explained, rather awkwardly, the events that led to their marriage. And then events that led to Cordelia leaving the country. He prospected Alastair would be outraged, throw spears at them, maybe even recite some very angry poetry phrases in Persian. Instead, Alastair was very still for very long. When he did speak, the words weren't the James expected them to be. "I knew the marriage wasn't out of love," Alastair said calmly. "But I didn't expect you to tell all that rubbish."

James blinked. "It's the truth."

"Oh, I know," Alastair returned with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I doubt you would come up with such a ludicrous idea on your own, even if just to spite me. and I also know Cordelia wouldn't have slept with you unwedded, no matter how much she loved you."

All the thieves caught their breath when Alastair leaned forward, his month curving in an odd angle. "I also know being married to you was a wish she never thought would come true, and that you cared for her. You claimed her as yours and you defended her. It was good for Cordelia, and so I said nothing."

James snorted, although he hadn't found the conversation funny. Not the least. "I thought I loved Grace at that time. I felt bad when the thought of living with Cordelia was more appealing than I expected." The thought of Grace made his features harden. "And because of Grace, for years I've been blind. Manipulated. I lost my wife and Parabatai. She played with me like a doll; messed with my feelings, messed with my life. This is unforgivable."

He did not notice Christopher who tensed up and fixed his spectacles on his nose. "She did some bad things," he said, surprising them all. "But I don't think she's evil."

James furrowed his brow. "She's like a siren: beautiful and compelling, but going after her will only end in you being drowned."

"I see," Alastair said, turning back to James. "But why? Why did she do it?"

"Does it matter?" James asked. "She hurt so many people. She doesn't even deserve to apologize. It won't matter anyhow - the damage is done. After all she has done...sorry will never be enough. Nothing will."

"It matters," Alastair said. "Because you don't know her side of the tale. You don't know what she thinks. What she feels. You don't know if she had to do what she did."

He was tempted to say Grace has no feelings at all. "I believe I'm allowed to be angry."

"I do agree that what she had done to you is far above a jest or a play with hearts," there was a strange flame burning in the deep ponds of Alastair's dark eyes. "And you have no obligation to forgive her. But why not hear what she has to say? You are the one with the power. You know the truth. She can not affect you any longer."

James shook his head. "You don't know Grace," he said coldly, gravely. "She will try to use me. She will try and make me do as she wishes. I will not be a pawn in her game again. She controlled my life long enough."

Alastair glanced away, pondering over something. Thomas turned his head nervously between James and Alastair. For the first time since the beginning of their conversation, Thomas inquired, "Why do you insist James will hear her out?"

"You have no idea of her motives," Alastair retorted. "What she's done - she must know it's wrong. And she will have to live with this knowledge for the rest of her days. You are allowed to be angry, James, and rightfully so. But don't let it blind you. That you have been kept from certain kinds of evil doesn't mean everyone else had. You have no clue what led her to those decisions." Alastair looked distanced. James managed to guess he's not been talking only about Grace. "You should talk to her. You may not forgive her, but you deserve to understand, to know why to hear the plain truth. And you should let her mourn what she could have had and lost."

James wasn't sure he fully comprehended. "I wouldn't have loved her. Even without the bracelet issue - my heart belongs to Cordelia."

"What do you mean?" Christopher asked. "That not everyone had been kept from evil."

Alastair shrugged. "I met Tatiana Blackthorn only once. She's a madwoman. She doesn't seem like the kind of caring, kind mother to pet her daughter's shoulder. Besides, Grace seemed to be controlled by Tatiana, rather than working alone or alongside her."

"She took the love of my life away from me," James growled. "Nothing can atone for that."

"The love of your life is my sister," he reminded James. "I can hardly find the idea of her being heartbroken a good thing. And the one who caused this pain is not much liked, as well. But you shouldn't think that just because you would've done it otherwise, it was an option for her. You can't know what are the options in front of people. You can't know how they feel unless you talk to them. So talk to Grace, James. Then seek out my sister. If you love her like you claim you do, will you give up on her so easily?"

"No," James stood up, "I will not."

Alastair nodded. "why did you come and tell me about your little schemes? Why now?"

Now, after so much time of lying, why tell the truth? Why not keep it in its cage of delicately made lies?

James cut his gaze to the book on the table. Thomas answered instead in a quiet voice. "She is your sister. You must have been worried about her. We wanted to tell you because - because you deserve to know the truth and understand why things happened the way they did."

What Thomas did not say was what none of them wanted to admit. Cordelia ran away to Paris with Matthew. Even if she'll be back in only two weeks - they all were worried sick. James couldn't blame her, he was awful and blind. All of this was a mess. If she needed time to calm down in Paris, he couldn't deny it of her, even if he had a say in this choice.

Alastair studied Thomas, and James felt the half-Persian hadn't quite believed them. It was true - they needed his help in the future. But it was a start. "Anything else? A ghost friend? Another evil aunt?"

"No," Christopher affirmed.

"Good," Alastair said. James might have imagined it but he thought he saw Alastair sneak a glance at Thomas before standing up. "Now get out of my house. Risa will be here any minute."

~~~~

I- how?? Thank you so much, everyone!! 🙈 Thank you, you can't understand how much it means to me. 🥺

This is mind-blowing. Truly. For whatever reason you follow me, know that I love you <3

Tagging some of my mutuals, you are all wonderful and make my time here so much better (not all of them because my brain is all wonky, but I mean all of you): @kit-12 @littlx-songbxrd @pink-party-dino @shadowhuntertrash @gummybears-4u @itsdaughterofthemoon @mcrrythievcs @fictionally-fantastic @reyna-herondale I'll tag more but I don't want to bother anyone so... thank you!! I don't know what people find in my blog, but I am grateful, and I appreciate all of you endlessly.

[calif0rnia-lovers]

safe haven.

A/N: Don’t mind me, just giving J a normal high school romance--one where his family is not involved. Set in S1 of Animal Kingdom. First time writing for this guy, so let me know what you think 

Pairing: Josh Cody x Black!OC

Rating: 💙 A soft piece with the youngest Cody, and the girl he tries to keep secret from his new found family. 

Request: Convincing J to study bc he's too caught up in the family business to worry about midterms

Words: 3.3k

Josh tightens his grip, crushing the letter in his hand. Left inside the unaddressed envelope, the letter remains unread. There is no point in reading it. J got the gist of the letter from the conversation with the counselor. He discards the crumpled mess in a nearby trash can.

The end of the school week produces a flood of excited teenagers emptying into the parking lot.

J's mind is on the previously discarded letter.

It was a letter of truancy, addressed to his grandmother, his current guardian. It has been months since the passing of J's mother. The school's patience has spread thin. His grades have not dropped, but his attendance has.

His mind is on the letter when he fishes his keys out of his front pocket. His pace slows before he comes to a complete stop a few feet short of his truck. The truck is where he left it, but there's a new addition.

It now has a powder blue backpack on the hood. Seated beside the backpack is the prettiest girl in school.

Cori Edwards has a familiar pair of black shades concealing her dark brown eyes -- now J remembers where he left them. She has abandoned the denim jacket he caught a glimpse of her in earlier. A knowing smile spreads across her face as she watches his eyes linger on the sundress she wears. As his eyes return to hers, J can't deny the smile on his lips.

The last time he saw Cori, for longer than the brief seconds they pass in the halls, was a month ago. This year, it appeared fate wanted to test the two. They had the same classes, the same teachers, but never at the same time. A few months ago, this meant they spent all of their free time stealing kisses at lunch and in the halls. They would then make up for lost time as soon as the school bell rang.

But things have changed too much. 

J's mother didn't keep track of his movements. His grandmother and uncles, J came to learn, analyze his actions. Keeping secrets has become second nature to him since moving into the Cody House. The one secret he swore he'd never reveal was Cori. He hasn't introduced her to Smurf or his uncles. He hasn't shared much about how his life has changed, upon his moving into their house, with Cori.

After so many vague responses, Cori understood it was better not to ask questions. She didn't want to spend her limited time arguing with J. Only, in the last month their limited face time has dwindled. Fizzed out to nothing.

A few texts here. A few long spread out phone calls there.

It was after one of those texts that their last reunion had taken place.

J might have been slightly drunk -- sober enough to drive, and park his truck a block from Cori's parent’s house. He had climbed through her bedroom window. The act itself was not graceful. His tumble through the window at three am woke her dad. Her dad came in to find Cori “still sleeping,” the toppled over AP Calculus and Physics books on the floor enough incentive for him to return to bed.

Once the coast was clear, J managed to strip before climbing into bed alongside her. All she received was a quick kiss before his arm was around her. He was out before his head hit the pillow. He left Cori with no time to inquire about his reasoning behind showing up drunk. Or about the black eye and busted lip. He had to sneak out in the morning before her parents got up.

Rumor has it J’s been showing up to school, even if Cori's rarely seen him there. He shows up for three days, almost like clockwork. Technically, it is enough to stop the school from legally reporting him for truancy. Until the counselor concluded it was time J stopped playing that game--which brings us to J's current situation.

He's standing in the parking lot, keys in hand, staring at his girlfriend -- at least he thinks she's still his girlfriend. Is it weird if he leads with that question?

As he stands before her, the only thought in his mind is how much he's missed her smile.

Jingling the keys in his hand, J regards the innocent smile on Cori's lips before shaking his head.

“You got a tracker on me, I don’t know about, Edwards?”

“Nope. It’s just a Cody sighting is kind of a big deal in these halls,” Cori sighs lightly as her eyes pass over the crowded parking lot. “Word gets around pretty fast when you actually show up.”

Cori’s words don't receive a verbal response. Her eyes are covered, but J knows what look lies inside them. The look causes his eyes to avoid hers. His hand rubs against the back of his neck, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

"Haven’t seen you around lately, Josh." She continues, the warmth of her fingers against his chin lifting J's gaze. Cori raises her sunglasses, her eyes passing over his face. "Nice to know your black eyes is gone."

"Yeah--sorry about that night." The smile on his lips is sheepish as he watches her study his face. He mentally kicks himself for the following line--he knows it's getting old. He says it anyway. "I had some family stuff-"

"That left you drunk with a black eye and busted lip?"

J takes in her raised brow, his shoulders sink.

What can he say?

I got my ass kicked after I was caught in the act of stealing some guy's car. Granted, my uncle saved my ass, but not before I got a black eye and busted lip?

No. He can't say that.

If he does, then he would have to explain why he was stealing a car in the first place. And that is a rabbit hole J isn't willing to jump down--not with her.

The passing of her fingers through his hair causes J to speak up.

"Sorry. I know you're tired of bullshit excuses." He shakes his head.

"I'm used to it," Cori sighs, her hands falling to her lap.

Before he can stop himself, J's hands are on her thighs pulling her closer. His lips are on hers.

"I'm sorry. You look nice," he smiles as his lips press a second kiss against hers.

"Hmm?"

"I’m serious," he chuckles as his hand finds her waist.

"Trust me, I know it’s true," she laughs. "I’m just trying to figure out why it’s taken you so long to say it."

"I’ve been busy," he begins. "With-"

"Family stuff," Cori nods, her hand waving to dismiss the subject. "I know, but that's not what I tracked you down for. I have so graciously blessed you with my presence because you owe me two things."

"What are they?" J's brow arches, a soft smile on his lips.

Cori drops her hand for his cheek. J's eyes remain on her as she leans back, weight resting against her palms.

"I need a ride home," she lightly pats the hood of the car. "And I need a study buddy."

J lets off a light scoff at the latter.

If there is one undisputed fact, it is Cori's academic ranking. She is top of their class. Between the two, J needs a study buddy to catch up to her perfect GPA.

"Okay. When?"

"Tonight, genius," her eyes roll as she pushes against his shoulder. "Josh, please don’t tell me you forgot we have midterms Monday."

J's eyes briefly drift shut.

"Shit--I have a family thing tonight."

"When?” Cori smiles as his eyes pass over the parking lot. The corners of J's lips turn up into a smile before his gaze returns to hers. “I’m just saying...it’s technically not nighttime yet…and being as you haven't seen me in ten thousand years...the least you can do is study with me...”

"What’s it gonna take for me to get out of this?"

Cori pauses to think.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Shaking her head, Cori smiles as her hands find his shoulders. "There is absolutely nothing that you can give me for me to drop this."

"Damn."

"Unless,” Cori bites back her smile as her playful eyes meet his. “You want to tell me how much you missed me.”

“If that’s it,” J sighs, his lips stopping short of hers, “You might want to go ahead and find another ride home--”

“Shut up,” she giggles as his hands find her waist.

Helping her down, J steals a kiss before following Cori to the passenger side of his truck.

"I'm just giving you a ride home."

"Uh-huh." Turning to face him, she smiles as his lips press against hers.

She allows him a second kiss as J's arm wraps around her waist.

“To sweeten the deal,” she beams. “I’ll even let you take me out.”

"What is it?"

Cori's eyes remain on the surfers visible from the parking lot. She watches the girl who manages to ride the swell longer than the rest of the group. When she glances across the truck, she discovers J watching her. 

"What do you mean?" 

A low chuckle escapes J as he watches Cori busy herself with the task of finishing her milkshake. 

"What's on your mind?"

Despite her asking him to stop and grab something to eat, Cori hasn't said much to J. Even if she had, he knew her well enough to grasp Cori was waiting to ask him something. Her brown eyes raise to meet his gaze before she lets out a breath. 

"It's kinda stupid."

"Coming from you?" His brow arches as his fingers interlace with hers. "I doubt it."

Cori's gaze remains on their interlaced fingers as she speaks.

"It's just, the winter formal is coming up. I figured we could go together."

She glimpses up once her suggestion is met with silence. J's brow is a furrowed, a hesitant smile on his lips. 

His thoughts are racing--he's praying this is the initial time she's breached the subject. That he hadn't missed any hints in his haze the past weeks.

"Seriously? You never want to go to those things."

Cori's eyes roll. J's right. In the last two years, neither of them have attended the school’s dances. 

She bites her lip before opting to take another sip of her strawberry shake. 

"You really wanna go?" A light shrug is what J gets in response. "If you want to go, I'll go."

"It's just--we're going to be done with school soon. We have to go to at least one--"

"And prom?"

"That's not up for debate. Your ass is taking me to prom, Joshua Cody." Cori laughs as J's lips press against her fingers. 

J's smile fades as a ringtone interrupts the conversation. He releases Cori's hand before retrieving his cellphone from the truck's console. 

She silently observes as he reads the name on the screen. 

Baz. 

She remembers the name--he is one of J's uncles--but that's where her knowledge ends. The furrow of J's brow sets in as he declines the call.

“So...this family thing," she notes, as his eyes meet hers. Before she can get the rest of her thought out, a text comes through recapturing J's attention. "It must be pretty important.”  

J's shrug seems outlandish when held alongside the urgency of his uncle. In the time it took to eat, J's phone has got several notifications. Each time, he pauses long enough to silence the call and proceeds as if it never came. 

“It’s just a thing with my uncles.” His mood is light as he sets the phone back down. His easiness returns as he meets her eyes. "Smurf's pretty serious about everyone being home for it." 

He can notice the slight hesitance in her eyes before she offers him a smile in return.

Leaning across the car, J presses a kiss against her cheek. His lips drift to her neck. 

"I'll get the tickets Monday," he mumbles as his lips retrace their steps. "Promise."

J's truck is parked engine idling. His left-hand rests against the steering wheel, his eyes on her.

Cori has removed her seatbelt. Her body is turned in the seat so that she faces J. She toys with the hem of her dress instead of moving to get out.

"It was good to see you, J."

"Yeah," J agrees. Her eyes lift to meet his, the soft smile on his lips stretching into a grin. "You too."

J opens his mouth to continue the thought, but Cori has already turned away from him. He watches as she retrieves her backpack from the back seat.  

"Cori," J clears his throat. The action hinders Cori's opening of the door. Her hand hovers over the handle. "Maybe we can hang-"

"Nope.”

J blinks. His brow furrows as a silence falls over the car.

"If you want to see me again," Cori teases, her hand falling from the handle. "It will be in school."

"Why do I have a feeling you're not gonna let this go?" J's eyes roll softly as Cori leans across the car. "You’re serious?" 

"Because I'm not letting this go," she smiles sweetly, ignoring the chuckle the action pulls from J. "And, I'm 'lock my window' serious, Josh. Show up if you want, and I’ll leave you outside."

The smile on Cori's lips grows as J's gaze falls from hers. His tongue passes over his lips as she leans closer.

His eyes drift shut as her giggle fills the car before Cori presses a kiss against his cheek. She leaves a second kiss before moving away. Hopping out of the truck, Cori slips her backpack onto her shoulders.

"Think about what’s important to you, Cody," she beams before shutting the door.

J picks up his phone. The screen lights up as a new text message appears.

6 missed calls. Baz

7 missed texts. Baz

1 missed text. Craig

He opens the most recent notification from Craig.

Dude. Call Baz back so he'll stop losin his shit. You know we got that thing tonight

Cori is in the process of unlocking the door when she hears the sound of his car door slamming. Looking over her shoulder, she smiles as J crosses the driveway backpack over his shoulder.

"Two hours,” he concedes. J is powerless to the tug of her hand as Cori pulls him inside. “Then I have to go. Baz is blowing up my phone.”

"Then we better get started."

J's fingers comb through his hair, the brown eyes trained on him forcing him back to reality.

Judging by the look on Cori's face, this is not the first time she has spoken. Heat rushes to his face as J's gaze reverts to the stack of notecards in his hands.

"Uh--yeah," he clears his throat as he shifts in the computer chair. "That's right."

He steals a second glance at her, the smile on Cori's lips not helping with his current situation.

"Of course it is," she winks. Her gaze returns to the review sheet. She stops to make a note alongside the term The Baroque.

The two are currently in the midst of an AP European History review.

J isn't much help, but Cori doesn't need it. Each of her responses is correct. That's good for J. He's spent the last thirty minutes distracted.

It's a good thing Cori claimed the bed, laying on her stomach as she pulled out her notebook. J took the computer chair opposite of her. If Cori had let him join her on the bed, no studying would have taken place.

It doesn't matter that a month has passed. J hasn't been able to keep his eyes off Cori Edwards since her arrival freshman year.

A smile creeps across his face as J's eyes meet Cori's for a second time.

"You need a break, Cody?" The grin on her lips widens as Cori rests her chin in her hand. "You seem distracted."

"Just thinking about how you don't need these." J lifts the cards in his hands before discarding them on the nearby desk. "You never have."

"Hmm..." Cori's eyes return to the review sheet. She pauses to add more to the notes written neatly in the margins. "True, but you do."

Pushing herself up, she passes over the review sheet. Written neatly in the top right-hand corner is J's name.

"I made this for you Tuesday night."

J studies the sheet for a moment, his fingers massaging his temple as he takes in Cori's study guide.

Shit--she's right. He does need it. He missed the review session on Tuesday. The thing about AP Euro is that it's not as straight forward as Trig. J can ace his Trig midterm in his sleep. AP Euro is a whole separate story.

"Thanks, Cori," he sighs. The grateful look in his eyes as he watches her cross the room earns him a warm smile. "You didn't have to-"

"Oh, trust me, I know." Taking his hand in her, Cori lowers herself down onto his lap. "But, I know you have a lot going on. Besides, making the sheet helped me review for the test."

"I love you. You know that?"

"As you should." Taking his face in her hands, Cori smiles as J meets her gaze. She closes the remaining distance between their lips. "I love you too."

As her lips drift to his neck, fingers slipping beneath the hem of his t-shirt, J pushes her dress up her thighs.

"I thought we were studying," he chuckles, his lips returning to hers.

"We're taking a break," she giggles. "You’re useless when you’re distracted."

When he wakes, J knows he’s overstayed. He was meant to leave by four. It’s four thirty. 

The cellphone, humming on the surface of Cori’s desk, sounds through the bedroom. J doesn’t lift his head from the pillow. Instead, he watches her face scrunch in irritation as the sound gradually pulls Cori out of her sleep.

“You gotta go?” She breathes, her eyes remaining shut as she tries to fall back to sleep.

“I should,” he chuckles. His finger traces the curve of Cori's shoulder. “Your parents will probably be home soon.”

“You’re right.” A soft giggle follows as J's arm wraps around her waist, pulling her body across the bed. “You should probably go.”

Despite his words, J makes no move to leave the bed. He sinks his face into her neck. His weight presses her into the mattress as her arms wind around his neck. He stays there for almost ten minutes. His eyes closed, listening to the delicate pattern of her pulse. Neither says a word. Cori knows the time has come to let him go when J presses a soft kiss against her skin before forcing himself up.

“I have some family shit I gotta handle,” J huffs as his palms rub against his eyes. “So, um, I probably won’t be on my phone for most of the weekend.”

“Okay.”

J proceeds to redress, his body in no rush to leave, as his phone starts again.

He needs to go. Now.

J has prolonged his return to reality, and the Cody House, long enough. If he doesn’t call back shortly, Smurf might have a heart attack.

J tugs his t-shirt over his head. His eyes focus on the bedroom window. He’s shocked Smurf's car is not parked out front. It wouldn’t be the first time his grandmother has tracked him.

“I just meant--I might not be able to pick up if you call,” he crosses the room to meet Cori. The faint smile on his lips brings one to her. “You can text me.”

“Maybe,” Cori sighs as J's lips caress her cheek. “If I have time. I’ll have to check my schedule.”

She catches sight of his sparkling eyes before J’s lips are on hers. The kiss itself is soft, another step in his lingering goodbye. His lips linger against hers before pressing against hers a final time.

“Hey,” J pulls back, his fingers interlacing with hers. He gently squeezes her hand as she meets his gaze. “Thanks for today. I missed you.”

“You too.”

“I’ll text you later,” J smiles before retrieving his phone and backpack.

Main Tags: @wiccanmetallicrose @themarkblues @mariaxliliana @gemini0410​ @binooo98​ @the-jer-bear​ @abbiesthings​ @trhett21​ @trulysuccubus​ @leahnicole1219​ @keithseabrook27​ @starrynite7114​ @awkwardtayler​ @toni9​ @vannabanana1995​ @queenbeered​ @kaystacks17​ @thesandbeneathmytoes​ @star017​ @richonne4life​ @cocotheclown​ @oscars-wifeyyy​ @rosieposie0624​ @jennisdirtyimagines​ @ughdontbeboring​ @partypoison00​ @myakai13​  @appropriate-writers-name​  @demonquartz​ @ourlittlesecretsoveragain​ @everyhowlmarksthedead​ @linziland13​ @mrsmarvelous1995​ @sadeyesgf​

[cherryblossomtease]

Part 6a

18+ only

warnings summary masterlist

~Castle Zemo~

If a place could have a personality, this one would be as bold as the man who owns it.

You stand before the ancient structure, dwarfed by the rising towers and walls of stone. Only moments ago you thought the portcullis was the grandest thing you’d ever seen as the carriage brought you through, but now that you stand in the gravel drive, peering up at the castle which has stood since nearly the founding of Sokovia, it hits you heavy as a keystone, your life has truly changed forever.

“It’s incredible,” You manage when Helmut comes up behind you. “I don’t know what else to say really.” You try to count the turrets but it’s too hard in the dark and there are too many.

He stands at your side looking up, the fur of his coat turned high against the evening winds and you don’t even try to guess what he’s thinking. The man has years of memories built up behind these thick walls. “Say nothing, say everything, whatever you wish Baroness it is yours.” He says and smiles down at you.

The servants are standing to the side and you follow his lead going to greet them. Honestly you expect to be met with some hostility. Most of the serving class don’t take kindly to anyone attempting to rise above their station any better than those who employ them, but instead you are welcomed with accented hello’s as the butlers and footmen bow while the maids and kitchen girls curtsy. You meet each face with a smile and take the hand of your new and first Lady’s maid hoping you will have a good relationship. You’ll need a friend without Brigitte here and this one is the closest you’ll have.

“The fire is strong tonight my Lord. No chill will break through those old stone walls.”Says the old man at the head of the line. His English is a little hard to understand but you appreciate that he speaks it for your sake.

“Very good Oeznik” Helmut says clapping the butler on the shoulder. “We’ll eat in the small dining room and retire, it’s been a long journey. My wife and I— the Baroness.” Both men look back at you. “Are very tired.”

“Of course my Lord.”

You smile and bow to Oeznik forgetting that you’re not meant to but he doesn’t correct you, Instead he welcomes you home.

Once you’ve finished eating and Helmut has given you a fairly brisk tour of the castle by candlelight, you follow him up the center staircase as wide as the theatre stage to the halls upstairs. You feel dizzy and a little on edge by the time he stops at the heavy wooden doors of the room you will share. It is beautiful and grand, but you get a sense of ghostly eyes peering back at you from every dark corner, as though you are not alone inside this medieval dwelling.

It will take some time getting used to such a life, but you will try. For now you follow your husband closely inside.

Expecting something rather stark and cheerless, you are pleasantly surprised to find the room glowing warm with the fire, the bed piled high with pillows and wrapped with a shining silk duvet. There are chairs that look perfect for reading in the corner, a beautiful settee in font of the fire, and a large carpet to keep your feet warm. The walls are painted a deep and calming bluish green from floor to ceiling, moulding included, and you find the far wall of windows to be absolutely glorious. You can see the moon no matter where you are in the room.

“Helmut it’s beautiful.”

He is watching you, smiling, pleased to see that you are.

“I’ve always liked it.”

“It’s hard to imagine that you actually grew up here, that any one can grow up in such a magnificent place.”

He shrugs a little as if he’s never considered it, but then he’s never known anything else. “Perhaps.”

“I would have gotten lost so many times.” You say with a laugh.

“Lost, no, but there are many places to hide” He says sitting on the little bench at the end of the bed “Often, I would have to send the nurse to hunt Carl down, he would find places even I had never discovered.”

You turn, surprised to hear his son’s name. He’s said it once before and you’re certain it was a mistake then, he hadn’t been ready to share it with you so you’d only given him an understanding smile and steered the conversation in another direction. But now; you know it is the right time and place to speak of the child and the happy life they once had here, even if only for a moment.

You go to him, sliding your hands over his shoulders, standing between his legs. “It’s a beautiful place to watch a boy grow. You should speak of him often, his memory lives on with you Helmut, and in time, when you are ready and if we are able, perhaps you will have more sons—and daughters to chase after.”

His eyes dart up studying your face. At first he seems distant, afraid to put himself in that position of vulnerability, but as his gaze wanders down from your eyes to your lips and below, he softens and sighs. Of course he wants this. The part of him that still aches for what he’s lost has been slowly mending over time and as you promised to love him until you draw your last breath in that little country church, you had sewn the final stitch.

He is ready.

Without warning the door opens and both Hilda, your Lady’s maid and the old man Oeznik come in which is surprising to exactly no one but you.

You look back at Helmut wide eyed but he just smiles and shrugs, rising up from the bench.

"Brandy my Lord?" The butler asks coming to him.

"Not tonight Oeznik, thank you." Helmut answers, excusing himself to go and stand in the center of the room. He puts his arms out and his dinner jacket is removed with quick and careful precision.

"My Lady." Hilda says kindly.

You jump to attention having been mesmerized by the sight of a man undressing another. "Oh, yes... um. Yes?"

Hilda smiles and shows you how to stand as she helps you with your traveling clothes. She is impressive and works so quickly you can only give yourself over to her skill looking back at the Baron and pulling a face of concession that makes him laugh.

"It's good to see you happy again sir." You overhear Oeznik say as he pulls the Barons vest off.

Helmut just smiles and nods, crossing the room so that Oeznik may remove his cufflinks and place them in the dressing table drawer.

"Would you like me to help you into your nightgown my Lady?" She asks while it's just the two of you "Or would you like the Baron to do it?"

Snapping your head around, your eyes dart back to find Hilda's, sparkling in the firelight with just a spot of mischief in them. It makes you smile and relax a little. "It's all right, I've got something nice on underneath. Just help me out of this?" You answer and she gives a firm nod reaching for the ribbon around your neck but you turn quickly, your hands going protectively around the velvet. "No, please. L-Leave it." You mutter unable to look her in the eye.

She quickly bows her head looking at the floor. "Forgive me my Lady." She must know, but you don't want to think about it, not now.

"It's fine. Just, don't touch it please." You say awkwardly and turn around letting her undress you in silence.

By the time she's done and collecting your shed clothes, you thank her for her help wanting nothing more than to get past it. Hilda dips and looks up, her little smile showing that there are no hard feelings between you.

Smiling as you watch her slip away; the door shutting with a click behind her, you sigh and look around the beautiful room, the only sound the crackle of the roaring fire.

Helmut is waiting. He glances over at you from his place beside the bed, rubbing his hands together as he is in the habit of doing. He looks down with a smile. "Come here" He says amused that you are still standing so far away.

You pad over —that lovely rug like a cloud under your feet— until you are standing in front of him, closer to naked in your pretty cotton shift than you have ever been with any man before.

You are aware of how your nipples brush the nearly sheer fabric and how the feeling between your legs seems to spread like a little spark setting off a fire that makes your skin hot to the touch. Helmut is not the only one ready for this. You have wanted him for so long.

Your hair hangs free of the many pins to keep it up and he brushes it back over your shoulders. His fingertips graze along your bare collar bones as he admires the way your shift barely clings to your arms. Reaching for your hand, Helmut raises it up to kiss your fingers, holding your one hand with both of his. “You’re shaking,” He says stroking gently, his deep voice making you nearly crave him in spite of being afraid. You blush and look away. “I’ll add more to the fire.” He suggests.

“No, the fire is perfect.” You answer glancing back at the hearth large enough for more than one man to stand in.

Helmut looks down at you, gently hooking his finger around your chin, turning your head to face him again. His smile is sympathetic “I think I understand.”

You draw your lip between your teeth only for him to tug at your chin freeing it; now a dark and slightly wet pink. He strokes your plump lip and you lean forward just the slightest bit, kissing his thumb, your eyes rising up to meet his.

He makes a soft, low sound, something like a moan that fades into a sigh and slides his hands up and into your hair, holding your head still as he kisses you. He moves his body closer, pressing his hips against you letting you feel the exact effect you have on him and you can not help the way your eyes open going a little wide. You try to move away but he takes you by both arms.

“It’s all right.” He says, looking so soft in the deep orange glow. “Don’t be afraid of me mala ptica ” His husky voice in contrast to the warmth of his face. “And I promise I'll try not to hurt you.”

Your eyes dart up just as he kisses you.

[acciocriativity]

Yule Ball|| Harry Potter

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader // Harry Potter x Reader

Summary: It's been a year since you had a huge crush on Fred Weasley, but you never had the courage to confess it to the redhead. What will change when the Winter Ball takes place at Hogwarts? 

Word Count: 3.2k 

 The fifth year of Hogwarts couldn't be more confusing and crazy, the students from Beauxbatons and the Durmstrang students had just settled in the Great Hall, when the principal made the announcement that it was going to be the joy / despair of all the girls. That's right, with no middle ground. 

- Along with the Triwizard Tournament, the Yule Ball will also take place, just as it is in tradition - he said calmly as always, with a smile on his face. 

 Professor McGonagall explained the details but my mind was already far away, obviously my case is one of despair, not for lack of confidence but for opportunities. There was only one boy I would like to invite, but how would I do that if not more than one word we have already exchanged? I would not like to go with a stranger, a friend at the very least. 

I was already 5 years old at Hogwarts, why haven't I done anything yet? This is easy, two very simple reasons. We are from different houses, as a Ravenclaw I don't have many Gryffindor friends, unfortunately. It is very comfortable to form a social circle restricted to the home itself and I was a shy child, can anyone judge me ??  

I clearly remember the day I saw him the first time, it was the same day that I got my first Gryffindor friend. 

 I was hurrying up the stairs to the first floor, where the library is. It wouldn't be a surprise to anyone, but this time it was more urgent, it was two weeks before the 4th grade exam season and I didn't feel ready for the Arithmancy exam. 

I had barely stepped into the hall when I heard two excited voices talking, I didn't have to look more than once to find out who they were. The Weasley twins had quickly formed their own fame at Hogwarts, the only ones who didn't like them were the targets of their pranks, I still haven't had that bad luck, and probably their Slytherin opponents. 

It was the first time that I had a chance to see them without a circle of people around wanting to buy their limited products or their own friends around, and I didn't imagine what that little moment would do to me.

Although they were identical, one in particular had caught my attention. I didn't know what his name was and I didn't even have time to ask, as they walked to another corridor, opposite where I was. 

It was his warm smile and bright eyes, that enchanted me at that moment and even though neither was for me, I couldn't forget it and I tried. 

Later that day, I was trying to find a specific Arithmancy book when I noticed Angelina, a gryffindor and a year older than me. Difficult not to recognize since she is also popular, being on the Quidditch team but we never really spoke to each other, until that moment. 

- Are you in 5th year ?? I never saw you in any of the classes - I remember her saying looking at my hand, in which I was carrying an advanced potions book.

- Oh no, I like to advance some subjects when I finish studying - I replied calmly with a small smile as I took my book, right next to her head. 

- So are you good at potions? - she asked looking at me and I just nodded before she continued - and could you help me? It's a little difficult to pay attention to the class, when Fred and Jorge are there - she finished with a giggle, as if remembering something. 

From then on, we met at the library when they had no training and during those two weeks we got close enough, but not to the point of mixing our social circles and going out together. 

 I turned to face Angelina, even though she was away she met my gaze and smiled, she knew I felt something for Fred Weasley but I never said how deep those feelings were or she would have managed to help me a long time ago. 

I noticed that she made one of the signs that we invented to communicate when we were far from each other, that one meant that we were going to talk later in my dorm and I just nodded before I started eating. Too bad I didn't notice the attention of a certain redhead, because of my silent conversation with the girl.

 In the months that followed, because Harry's name came out in the Goblet of Fire and the first task was around, the atmosphere became extremely tense within the school and the animosity with the ball cooled. People commented on all sorts of nonsense and I did what I could when something like that happened in my presence, because it bothered me a lot. The whole school was against Harry, basically and I had made it clear that it was ridiculous, even though I didn't know the boy well. 

Because of that, I ended up getting away from some friends who disagreed with me and thought that Potter wanted to get attention again, but the good part is that I ended up spending a lot more time with Angelina in the Gryffindor Common Room, she always told me the password although the Fat Woman didn't like it that much. 

Today is Saturday and one of those days, I left my dormitory early because I had nothing to study and walked unhurriedly through the almost empty corridors. It seems like a rule, teenagers don't leave bed before 9 am. I saw the girl alone in the middle of the Gryffindor table so I walked right over there, sitting next to her. 

- Good morning Angie - I greeted with an excited smile while taking a look at the already full of food table  

- You dreamed of the 10 N.O.M.S. today, didn’t you? - she smiled at me before completing - or was it with a certain someone? 

I felt my face heat up as she laughed at me, the mornings when we are in a good mood usually start with these morning teasing and then we move on to the same topic…

- When are you going to invite Fred to the Ball? You know that when it comes to perceiving feelings, he is slow - she insisted just like every day that I should do something.

- He must have been invited already, It’s almost a month away- I gave her my most common answer, there are some days that I say I would invite him, but that never happened. 

- He is still available but at some point he will be not! Do you really want to see him dancing with another girl? - She looked at me defiantly even knowing the answer.

- If I promise that this time I will ask him to come with me, will you let me eat in peace ?? - I asked, holding her gaze and received a satisfied smile in return. 

 Sometimes I didn't even understand the reason for all this nonsense, at times I just wanted to be able to confess my feelings and if I was rejected, I would just move on. But then I got close to him and couldn't, at least that way I had hope. The gryffindor in me will have the courage today, thanks to Angelina and my stupid promise. 

Gradually the students arrived and among them were our friends. Alicia Spinnet, Dino Thomas, Olivio Wood and Lino Jordan. Soon the trio, Harry, Hermione and Ron came down and then Fred and Jorge with the usual good humor. 

- Good morning girls - they both winked at us at the same time with a smile from someone who’s up to no good.

- Good morning - we answered together but with different reactions, Alícia simply ignored it, I controlled myself not to blush and Angelina just smiled more.

 Fred sat two chairs to the left in front of me and Jorge beside him, there was no way I could talk to him during breakfast and I thanked him for it, but I regretted it soon after.  

- And haven't you became a man yet to ask someone to the Ball, Ron ?? - I heard Fred's super discreet voice, interrupting my conversation with Lino.

 Obviously everyone there turned to pay attention, the teasing between them was always fun, especially in the morning. 

- You didn’t ask anyone too, where's YOUR courage Fred? What are you afraid of ?? - I never had seen Ronald Weasley with such a satisfied smile on his face or an expression so outraged on the elder. 

- I'll show you the courage, look and learn Ronald - he had made a point of getting up and I held my breath when I saw him looking in my direction, it couldn't be ...

- Hey Johnson, do you want to go to the Yule Ball with me? - He asked without realizing my expectations and a piece of my heart breaking after that. 

 She replied an yes after looking at me quickly, I didn't mind her accepting it. They are friends and I already knew that she wanted to go with Jorge, the reason why she had not accepted any invitation until now. I had already thought about what it would be like if this situation happened, in my head it was much worse. 

The next few days followed with little change about Fred, at all times if I could avoid him, I would. Not out of anger or anything, I wanted to take my focus off him. I had declined 2 invitations because I hadn't imagined myself with another guy, and that was going to end. 

Alicia and I had just returned from London, we went to look at some new dress options, as many girls would go to the witch shops nearby. We barely stepped into the Great Hall when Hermione walked out furious and a little upset, she didn't even greet us as she always did.

- What did you do to make her so upset ?? - I asked facing Harry and then Ron, before sitting down next to Harry.

- I just said that she could come with one of us to the Ball - explained the redhead while devouring the food on his plate.

- Now? It’s a month away, I would have been angry too - they both looked at me without understanding and I had to take a deep breath - you don't understand anything about girls, do you?

- She felt like the last option, nobody would like to feel that way, obviously, you should have invited her long before - Ali replied without patience, while the realization seemed to hit their faces. 

 Ron seemed to reflect for 3 seconds before eating again as if nothing had happened, so there were only the three of us left to talk.  

- And your partner Harry? Mcgonagall is going to freak out if you have to open the Ball alone - I commented while getting me some soup. 

- I haven't found the right girl yet ... - he replied a little uncomfortable and looked to the side as if he had remembered something. 

- Not wanting to intrude, but already intruding, you two could go together. Just as friends - she completed as soon as she saw the boy look at us petrified but relaxed shortly thereafter.

- No problem for me, I was thinking about not going, but at least it could be fun - I spoke with a small smile and he nodded. 

 For the rest of the month, I ended up getting closer to him and consequently to the most unbearable couple that ever existed. I love Hermione and Ron, but how can two people be so stubborn? I don't know, it's a mystery but at the same time, it was good entertainment and I managed to disconnect from my feelings for Fred. 

It was getting close to the time to start the Ball and I had barely stopped to think that I would be forced to deal with Angelina and Fred dancing together, even though I had never been jealous of the two before, the scene didn't seem pleasant. 

I took one last look in the mirror analysing my dress, a long red velvet dress with sleeves and a slit up to my thigh that defined my body in the right measure. I was feeling incredibly beautiful the way I was and nothing could ruin my good mood, not even my unrequited crush. 

I agreed to meet my friends near the stairs and there they were, Hermione in a pink pretty dress talking to Vítor Krum further away, Ron was about to explode at any moment and Harry, as usual, seemed to be trying to find an excuse to get out of there and I preferred to help with that. . 

- Hi boys - I said quietly standing on the first step of the stairs and as they had their backs to me, they jumped and I couldn't help laughing.

- You can't come like this and scare others, I almost had a fit… - the redhead put his hand on his heart dramatically, it seems that the hatred has vanished too.

- Everyone will go down the stairs, you should be gossiping in a more discreet place. It's about Hermione again, right? - I asked shamelessly without caring about the complaints about my comment. 

- And why would I waste my time talking about a traitor? - his face went from white to red in a few seconds, it seems that the anger had returned.

- I only know one thing, we can't be late, right Harry ?? In fact, I need to talk to you quickly - I didn't even let him agree and I pulled his arm and walked to a spot nearby without anyone

- Did something happen? - he said while adjusting his glasses and I just denied it with a smile, making him even more confused. 

- I just wanted to give you a break from Hurricane Ronald Weasley but if you want to go back there, I don't mind - I said looking behind his shoulder and there it was, a clear image of the redhead fighting with an innocent student.

- In fact, a few minutes without having to listen to his rudeness is great, not that he's a bad friend, but sometimes it's a little ... too much - he replied with a small smile of thanks.  

 We talked for a few more minutes before Mcgonagall officially announced the start of the party, where we would have to dance first. We had rehearsed a few times, so we weren't ashamed, although I wanted to laugh at the memories that came to mind and I could see the same in Harry's eyes. 

After that moment, the other champions also danced with their partners and then the party really started. I preferred to avoid dancing more than necessary, because that would be shameful but it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it. 

I was sitting at a table with Harry and Ron because apparently his partner was not very happy, but I decided not to go into that. Until I see Angie approach and place her hand on my bare shoulder.

- Can we talk for a moment?? - She said and by her expression, it seemed to be important. 

 I nodded and as the two continued talking to each other, I preferred not to interrupt and just went with the older girl to a corner with fewer people. 

- Did something happen? - I asked calmly and noticed that she looked towards the direction where Fred and Jorge were with another girl.

- Yes, I already knew it would be a complete mess, since you wanted to come with one person and I with another, but I think you can fix it in time - she said looking back at me.

- I don't know Angie, just with a Time-Turner and a little bit of luck, then I would be able to ask him to come with me. 

- It was wrong but I just overheard him saying something to Jorge, he said he wanted to invite you. I was noticing for a while, I was pretty sure he liked you and I just had the proof - she said with a small smile and then immediately took my hand and continued - I don't want to see you two suffering.

 I barely knew what to say so I preferred to demonstrate it in the best way I could, that is, with a hug even though it wasn't much of a hug most of the time. 

 

- Thank you for telling me but I think I'll be forced to steal your date now - I replied with a small smile and stepped back from her. 

- Someday I'll forgive you for that, but this conversation is for later - she winked at me and walked away to the other side of the party. 

 I took a deep breath and as soon as I looked back in the direction where the twins were talking, I realized that there was no one there anymore and I couldn't help being disappointed. 

- Looking for me, love?? - a voice well known to me spoke at a minimum distance from my back and I immediately turned around.

- Actually, yes, but you came here, so it must be important - I replied with a smile without being affected by his proximity, since it was not uncommon for him to try to frustrate me with this type of provocation.

- Since when is something I have to say unimportant ?? - he spoke in an indignant voice but his smile denounced him - let's go for a walk, what do you think? It’s too full here - he said and then held my hand, how could I refuse such a request? 

 I just nodded and then we left the Hall, walked, still holding hands, to the garden. I am sure that did not fail to pass through the attentive eyes of my friends, but it was not the time to think about that. 

- I know we've only really known each other this year - he started talking and then stopped walking - but I really started to like you a lot - his voice were softer and even a little uncertain. 

- Of course, we all became fast friends - I replied with a satisfied smile, maybe it was mean but I was loving this moment and I didn't want it to end so quickly.

 He looked away and took a deep breath before looking back into my eyes with a lighter expression.

- You're having fun, aren't you? It's pretty funny, isn't it? - He asked and I could see his eyes shine, the kind of glow that appears when he has just made a prank. 

- Yes I am. How could I not be when I left Fred Flirt Weasley frustrated? - I replied holding the desire to laugh, for the situation and the new nickname I invented. 

- I had a much more fun idea, love, you'll like it - he said confidently.

 Before I could ask what it was, one of his hands found my face and the other on my waist, pulling me closer. A second later we were giving our first kiss, the first of many to come.

Harry Potter Masterlist