#how does post void Rob work i need to know

[berenwrites]

Beyond the Battle - Chapter 30 - Stranger Things - Steddie

Beyond the Battle­: Action & Consequence

Click here for All Posted Chapters

Extra Note: I apologise for the hand-wavy electronics stuff in this chapter. I do actually have a degree in Computer Systems Engineering, but I always sucked at the electronics part and this is based on a show set in the 80s and all the series and movies of that era had hand-wavy science, so I claim asylum 😄. Just run with it, okay 😜.

Summary: Steve hits things with a bat or gets hit depending on who you ask. He definitely does not have anything to do with the psychic stuff. That is El’s domain. However, as Vecna is defeated, the rules change.

Pairing: steddie (Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson)

Other Relationships: Steve & Robin, Steve & Dustin, Eddie & Dustin

Rating: Teen

A/N: Multi-chapter story, updated regularly. Honestly not sure how many chapters it will have yet because it's still a bit hand wavy in the middle, but definitely more than 12. Thank you to my beta for find my mistakes and to all those who read/like/reblog.💖 Follow #st:beyond-the-battle for updates.

Also on AO3

Chapter 30.    Defences

It had been nearly an hour and a half since they had last heard from those surrounding the house. Nothing had moved since. Other than making sure Will didn’t do himself an injury, Steve was keeping himself busy keeping an eye on everyone else. They had shifted everyone and everything they might need to the living room and it was tense to say the least.

Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Erica and to Steve’s surprise, Gareth were the only ones really doing anything as they worked on the electronics they had spread out on the dining room table. DnD had had to take a back seat when everyone had moved to the same room.

“Your guys doing okay?” he asked Eddie quietly, walking up beside his boyfriend.

“Well as can be expected,” Eddie replied, glancing over at where Jeff and Frank were sitting. “Gareth seemed to be in his element. Knew he was a bit of an AV nerd, but thought it was mostly to do with music stuff.”

“Hidden talents come in really useful with this crowd,” he replied with a small smile. “Did you know Erica can do complex math in her head?”

“In her head?” Eddie replied. “I knew she was quick with numbers, but that sounds way too advanced for me. Math is probably my least favourite subject next to High School English. If they’d only let us get away with addition and subtraction, maybe a bit of multiplication.”

“Tell me about it,” he agreed, “and I wasn’t even very good at the simple stuff. Still have no idea how I graduated math class.”

“Harrington charm?” Eddie asked with a small grin.

“On this one, I might have to agree with you,” he replied. “How are you doing?”

“Would it be weird to say I feel kind of itchy?” Eddie replied, grin disappearing.

“Itchy how?” Steve asked.

“Like there’s something under my skin,” was the quiet answer. “All I can think is I’m remembering the bats.”

“Yeah, this business has a way of messing with all of us,” Steve agreed. “Robin called it PTSD, which stands for something, but she was rambling when she was telling me, and I didn’t quite get it.”

“Our Robs is a fountain of knowledge, but sometimes it does take her a while to get to the point,” Eddie agreed, the grin coming back for a little bit. “How about you?”

“If I see another candy bar, I might hurl, but other than that, I’m doing fine,” he replied.

“Fine as in really fine, or fine as in how you make your mom nervous?” Eddie checked.

“Really fine,” Steve assured him. “I know the nosebleeds look gruesome, but mine are only little ones and I promise I am not pushing it too hard.”

“Just remember, you aren’t any more disposable than El and Will, okay?” Eddie said, leaning in close for a moment.

“Okay,” he promised.

It was hard to explain how natural what he was doing felt. Throwing things around, going into the Void, that was difficult and not always pleasant, healing wasn’t like that at all for him, even if his nose seemed to be making everyone else think otherwise.

“I think we’ve got it.”

Dustin’s voice dragged his attention away from Eddie.

“You’ve done it?” Hopper asked, walking over to the dining room table.

Steve hurried over so he could take a look at the mess of wires and bits of walkie and phone that were spread around. It was all Greek to him, but it did seem impressive.

“Yes,” Mike said.

“We patched the walkie in to the cellular phone and then used…” Dustin began to say.

“Kid, I already know you lot are geniuses,” Hopper interrupted. “All I need to know is, will it get through the jammer the insane colonel has set up.”

“Yes,” Dustin said.

“Great,” Hopper replied.

“But,” Dustin added.

Steve didn’t like the sound of that.

“But what?” Hopper asked.

“But it’s likely as soon as we put out the call, those outside will know,” Gareth filled in quickly.

“Fu…dammit,” Hopper said, summing up what Steve was thinking too.

“They will attack,” El said without any doubt in her voice whatsoever.

“I know Owens has people on standby,” Hopper revealed, much to Steve’s surprise.

“About damn time,” he heard Lucas mutter.

“But no matter how quickly they get the message, it will take them time to mobilise and get here,” Hopper went on.

“We need to fortify our position and keep everyone safe,” Wayne said in a very matter-of-fact tone.

From the expression on Hopper’s face, Steve was pretty sure the two older men were on the same page.

“How can we fortify a living room?” Jeff asked, clearly incredulous.

“We’re not trying to fight them off,” Nancy spoke up. “We’re just trying to hold out for a little while. El and Will, with Steve’s help, can do a lot, and the rest of us can be ready if they get through.”

“Could we take the fight to them?” Joyce asked.

“They’d pick us off,” Hopper said with a shake of his head. “It’s the armoured car that has me worried, they could drive it right through the front door.”

“Then we take that out as soon as we send the call,” Steve put his own thoughts in. “If we all move upstairs onto the landing, we have line of sight around the whole downstairs. We can find things to throw like with the Mind Flayer.”

“What the hell is a Mind Flayer?”

Apparently, that was the limit for Frank.

“Upside Down monster we fought at Starcourt,” Mike supplied without preamble. “We used fireworks. We don’t have any fireworks.”

“And fireworks would be a really bad idea,” Dustin added as if it was an afterthought.

“Yeah, let’s not burn the house down,” Robin commented.

“I was more thinking of the nail gun in the garage, the weights I have out there too and things like that,” Steve pointed out, trying not to roll his eyes.

Sometimes even geniuses could miss the point it seemed.

“They’ll likely use gas grenades,” Wayne said in a way that made Steve wonder what military experience the man had again.

“We can deal with those,” El said simply.

“It’s their guns I’m more worried about,” Joyce said.

“We can deal with those too,” Will replied. “They won’t be expecting me at all, and they’ll expect El to be cautious because of what happened to her at Starcourt and against Vecna, but she won’t have to be thanks to Steve.”

“Sorry I can’t, well y’know, help with the defence,” Steve said as a feeling of inadequacy bloomed in his chest.

“Steve,” Joyce said, looking him square in the eye, “you keep El and Will from hurting themselves when the shit hits the fan, and you are helping more than I could ever ask.”

He wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“Right,” Hopper said, dragging everyone’s attention back to him. “Everyone upstairs onto the landing. Find something solid to block the bars and hide behind. Is there any way out from up there?”

“We can get onto the roof from my bedroom window if we have to,” Steve replied.

“Once we’ve fortified, we grab anything that might make a weapon,” Hopper went on. “But I want to make this clear, we are holding out, not going on the offensive. Everyone’s main job will be to stay down. Clear?”

Everyone nodded as Hopper met every single pair of eyes in the room.

“Okay, go,” Hopper said, and they all went into action.

Steve ended up on the balcony to the side of the main stairs, with El and Will, and an old metal table between them and the wooden railing. He had one of the baseball bats, just in case, but he doubted he was going to be in a fit state to use it given his main task. Everyone else had their own positions and piles of things to use as projectiles. Eddie had placed himself a little further along the landing from Steve. Eddie had a pile of rocks from the ornamental plant in the hallway, and one of two slingshots Steve had completely forgotten he owned.

He vaguely remembered being obsessed with the things once many years ago, and he had had two because Tommy’s mom wouldn’t buy him one of his own. He was pretty sure his dad had confiscated them after an incident with a ball bearing and a car window. That they had been left lying around in a box in one of the garages was news to Steve.

Lucas had the other one since Lucas was a dab hand with the weapon.

Robin was with Nancy, who had been allocated the rifle and the small amount of ammunition to go with it. Robin had one of the other bats and had used the nail gun to augment it. She also had various tins from the kitchen cupboards.

Joyce had the actual nail gun as a weapon. The kids had various projectiles. Hopper had his gun. The Corroded Coffin guys had an assortment of things to throw and had divided themselves among the younger kids in a way that made Steve warm to them even more. Wayne was staying close to Eddie and had the third bat, as well as a host of heavy things to drop on people if necessary. Which just left Steve’s mom, who had taken up a position on the balcony over the dining table with what looked like several of the good, heavy base pans from the kitchen and a few other less deadly items.

They were about as ready as they ever would be.

“Everyone know what to do?” Hopper asked.

“Stay out of sight, throw things if necessary,” Erica spoke up for everyone.

“No heroics,” Hopper said, meeting everyone’s eyes again.

He clearly knew them all well.

“Good. El, get ready to take out the armoured car,” Hopper said, “and Will, we’ll need a scan.”

Will nodded, heading into the nearest room with a view over the drive, sitting on the carpet and closing his eyes. El took up a position at the side of the window, out of sight of those outside. Steve stood behind them, a hand in each of theirs.

“Make the call,” he heard Hopper say from the landing.

He was too focused on Will to take much else in once Will began to use his power in earnest, so he had to trust everyone else to keep things going. Time was very amorphous when he was healing, it was more about what he was doing than any standard measurement, so he had no idea how long it was before Will spoke.

“They know. El, now,” Will said, voice reverberating through the connection Steve had with him, and El’s power spiked down his spine, joining Will’s.

His own answered it. He had no idea what El had chosen to do, but, even in his completely focussed state, but he still heard the resulting explosion.

“They’re coming,” Will said, only moments later.

End of Chapter 30

Chapter 31

[inkovert]

Some Call It Fate - Excerpt 1/?

WIP INTRO

I picked at my clothes, adjusting its fit in the mirror. Despite just taking a quick shower, I lifted my arms and took a whiff, checking for any signs of post-workout sweat. Kicking my running shoes into the closet, I scooped up my satchel bag, cursing as I smothered a yawn. 

Restless and deflated from last night, I woke up earlier than usual and snuck out for a run. I knew if Jeremy found out he’d be furious, so I’d been strategic about not raising any suspicion. 

Everything was fine. It was all behind me. 

My bare walls glared back at me accusingly. I squirmed in my sneakers. 

In a fit of rage, I’d torn down all my sketches, push pins holding up frayed paper edges serving as the only remnants of what had once been. Taking in the extent of the destruction, something pulled in my chest. 

A knock sounded at the door. My heart rate surged.

“Yo, you seen my shin guards? I practiced out back after dinner and I forgot where I left them.” 

Panicking, I glanced around. Forget getting on my case about running, if Jeremy saw my walls he'd raise hell. 

The doorknob started to turn and without thinking I blurted out, “Jer, what the fuck, I’m naked!” 

The door promptly shut. “Does that mean your ears ain’t working?” 

“I don’t know where your guards are! I keep telling you to stop throwing your shit around after practicing.” 

“Damn,” he said. “No need to get testy.” 

Once his footsteps receded, I exhaled. Checking my hair once more in the mirror, I yanked open my bedroom door.

“Fuck!” I shrieked, jumping back. 

Jeremy stood on the other side, fist poised to knock. His lips parted, then his eyes slid away from my face, his expression morphing into utter horror. 

He shoved me aside. “What the fuck happened in here? Was there a fire or something?” 

I spun around. “No, I—“

“What happened to all your drawings?” He swung around to face me, eyes bulging. “Are you moving out? Did we get robbed? The feds after you?”

Closing the gap between us, I clamped my hands on his shoulders. “Jer, calm down. Nothing is happening. Everything’s fine.” 

His brows furrowed, and he jerked a thumb behind him. “Whatchu mean ‘everything's fine’? This looks like a cry for help.” 

“I’m just…redecorating,” I threw out frivolously. 

He squinted, clearly not buying it. Casting a critical look around like a detective sniffing for evidence, he paused, then glared at me. “You went running.”

The accusation startled me but I kept my cool. “What? No I didn’t.”

He took three long strides over to my desk chair and brandished my silk headband. 

I resisted the urge to slap my forehead. How could I have been so careless?

I shrugged him off. “Okay, so what? I went on a little run. Exercise is good for you, you know.” 

“No,” he said with a vigorous head shake. “Not the way you do it.” 

“Jer, seriously I’m —“

“Don’t downplay this shit, Cami,” he harshly cut me off. “You promised. You told me it wouldn’t happen again.” 

Tears threatened to well up behind my eyes. “I—“ My mouth went dry. “I won’t push myself that far again. It was a one time thing.”

Dropping the headband, he crossed his arms. “How many times do you have to go through the trauma of thinking your sister has gone missing only to find her passed out on the side of the road for you not to be scared shitless at the thought of her ever running again?”

 Clenching my jaw, I deflected the pleading, accusatory look in his hazel eyes. 

He threw up his hands. “Look, I can’t tell you how to grieve. But putting yourself in danger is out of the question.” I stubbornly wiped a stray tear from the corner of my eye. He sighed. “I get it, man. I know you two had your thing with music and all that. I lost him, too.” 

Looking up at the ceiling, I blinked away tears. “I talked about him in the past tense yesterday. Without even realizing. Like that shit was fucking normal." A crease formed between my brows. "When did that happen?” I asked quietly into an open void. 

Kicking at the carpet, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “It’ll be eight next week.” Perplexed, I waited for him to elaborate. “The number of games he’s missed. I can’t stop counting. I always look up into the bleachers, hoping by some miracle he’ll be there.”

I choked back a sob. “I hate this. This…this pain. This ache. “ My fingers curled into claws close to my chest. “It’s embedded in me, in my bones, and I feel like it’s never gonna go away.” 

Without hesitating, Jeremy swept me into an embrace. 

“Do you wanna talk about the walls?” he asked, voice soft.

I shook my head. “No.” 

[chromatic-lamina]

kidlaw vs lawbin, chapter 1031 spoilers (a few official panels added)

Like, y’know, you ask your man to die for you

And he does back Kid up and how. I mean, it works for both of them. Then Kid demands that Law uses his powers to get him out of the falling girders and metal stuff he’s attracted to Big Mom and which collapse on top of her.

And Law does.

And Law asks a pretty pertinent question, especially considering they’re meant to be using their powers in tandem

The official release is a little softer, and I know it’s official, but they leave out a lot of nuance at time. Anyway:

And maybe it’s better in the official release, but Kid’s still basically: you share your powers, and let me know about them ‘n all, and I’ll keep my info to myself, thanks. Ugh. I mean, I know they’re both pirates, and Law isn’t any nicer a lot of the time, but sometimes I don’t get this ship (even though I generally like it).

I think Law’s face above is surprise at Big Mom stirring rather than at Kid’s words, and I love the way he ends up sitting once he gets his breath back (kind of. He’s still panting). He has the best yoga poses. Anyway. So. The Robin side of the story.

Below is a screen cap from Dressrosa, and Law seems to be as knowledgable and also wary of CP0 as Robin is.

And this is who she’s currently facing, and we know it’s bad news due to the message from Rob Lucci a week or two ago telling them to capture her.

And then back from chapter 996 it was revealed that Law and Robin had a chat about the initial D. and also about the Road Poneglyph, and we know from way back in Sabaody that Robin’s got a keen interest in the Will of D in addition to, or as part of the True History, or the Void Century, etc.

That’s from chapter 507, but she also apparently asks Luffy about it in Alabasta. And we know that she and Law had this exchange, and that Law cut a swathe through the fighting to beeline to where the poneglyph might be in Kaidou’s castle in an effort to find clue to the meaning of his middle initial, or the meaning behind the expression and impression of people who have it.

And his cute little bear hoodie, shirt thing! And so then we get this reveal with Big Mom (or strengthening of his resolve):

I’ll try to put a link to the colouring artist’s twitter in the comments. Kid’s back to “we’re” again. And he doesn’t care what it costs, but it seems that Law’s part of that we’re (which he’ll need to be if they’re going to win). But it’d sit a bit better if he lost some of the bluster. But then, Kid wouldn’t be Kid, right? But I wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of push me/pull me. Anyhoo, any shipping is speculative of course. And here’s the official. Again softer, and including the both of them.

Japanese is a pro-drop language, in that sentences are grammatical without a subject, but it can become vague as to which subject is intended in a sentence. So I’m betting that’s what happened. However, the official gets the official input, so I’m assuming Kid was talking about the two of them, as shown in the panel above. I’m still sure Law said something like the “true history” though.

But yeah, Law and Robin’s paths are aligning, even if he’s fighting with Kid at the mo. I mean, Law goes well with so many.

And regarding CPO, Brook’s helping Robin at the moment, but remember this look from last week?

Hmm. I’ll do the Sanji stuff in another post. The angst was delicious.

[spookyfbi]

what did cody said about klave?

Omg Anon okay so, twitter user umbrellaacademy invited Cody to do a twitter space with them which they did yesterday (8PM Friday EST) and Cody stayed for OVER TWO AND A HALF HOURS answering fan questions and saying SO MANY things about Dave and Klave and I am still so overwhelmed. I have recorded it and I’ve sent the video to the host and they’ve said they’ll release it soon (although the file is massive so I suspect they’ll have a bit of trouble wrangling it like I did so it might take longer). In the meantime, some highlights under the cut:

- Dave’s favourite thing about Klaus is his openness. He’s charismatic because he’s unafraid to be himself. Cody also finds it endearing that Klaus marches to the beat of his own drum.

- He likes the idea that the briefcase brought Klaus to Dave because of fate/destiny. Dave is the missing piece of Klaus, he fills a void in Klaus. He’s as interested as we are to find out if the timeline loops back in season 3

- Dave is soft spoken. There are qualities of Dave that have grounded and soothed Klaus but also Klaus has pulled Dave out of his shell. Klaus’ openness was like an invitation to Dave to open up and be goofy and strange, and this was a vibe Cody got from Robert as well in the bar scene, but then the dynamic shifted later and he felt that Dave was the one who was opening up first.

- Dave would go with Klaus to be with his family. He would want Klaus to take the reigns and would trust Klaus re- what kind of life they could have together post Vietnam. Although there would be no hesitation from Dave about his love for Klaus, there might be hesitation about planning a life together because of the time period they were in. There’s a sense of peace and wanting to settle from Klaus. Cody just basically being solidly on the Klaus bringing Dave back to 2019 to meet his family train.

-  There is a sensitivity and self awareness to Dave, Cody thinks he accepted his sexuality but just was careful about advertising it because of the time period. He also says that his Dave in season 1 didn’t have the experience we saw in season 2 with his uncle and that might have made him more open (I am staring directly at my reverse George McFly theory).

- Dave’s love for Klaus is unconditional, he loves him for exactly who he is. Dave’s unconditional love is a foil for the conditional love Klaus gets from his family. Klaus doesn’t really know what love is and then he gets fired this laser beam of love from Dave.

- Cody that been in a play where his character was in a relationship with a guy but he thinks Rob hadn’t done that before. The director set the tone that the kiss scene was an intimate and tender scene. He feels like there was a reassurance from Dave to Klaus in that moment.

- Dave was holding 4 shot glasses in the scene where he’s holding them with both hands. 

- Cody describing Dave in 4 words - kind, sensitive, empathetic, soft. Dave would describe Klaus as free spirited, open, unfiltered, unexpected (he also put forward chaotic but didn’t stick with it and replaced it with unexpected).

- Dave’s first thought when he woke up and saw Klaus was “Is this a dream... We’re not sleeping much so this could be a dream, I wouldn’t put it past my brain” Also “The dream coming to reality but maybe not necessarily looking like what he thought.”

- He thinks Klaus probably took the dogtags off Dave after he died as a way to remember him rather than them exchanging them

- He wants Klaus and Dave’s storyline to end with love prevailing. He also floats the idea of Dave taking a dark turn and Klaus has to be the redemptive person to bring Dave back.

In preparation for playing Dave he watched the Ken Burns Vietnam War documentary series on Netflix and also looked up online about the Vietnam war. He also listened to music he thought Dave would be into from 1965-1968: He mentions Motown and Stones (Cody said he himself likes Motown)

- Cody’s favourite thing about Dave is the quality of how he loves Klaus. He describes it as pure and unconditional and simple and he talks about he thinks people need to love each other fearlessly - not just romantically but in friendships as well, especially with what’s happening now (and this sort of clarifies to me why he was talking about love over fear so passionately in the clever klaus q&a and what he meant by that)

- Cody is a fantasy nerd

- He would love to see Dave giving Klaus some agency

- He thinks that Klaus has some guilt about Dave’s death

- He would like to play a Commission agent (Commission Dave rights!!)

- Robert is very open and unassuming and funny and it was easy to have an immediate rapport with him. Cody also talked with Tom Hopper (about their mutual friend Bradley James). He also briefly met Colm and Robin and he also remembered he met Aidan (who here had a theory about a deleted scene with Aidan in the attic?)

- He doesn’t know how time works in the afterlife or how Klaus’ power works but Dave would have waited 50 years for Klaus

- Calem joined the space and they said that they hadn't interacted before but they had a bit of a chat. Calem said that his filming in season 2 was 4 days but about 1 month apart. Calem’s internet kept cutting out and then he disappeared.

- If Dave was one of the 43 children his power could be the care bear love blast and he could fire hot beams of love out of the hole in his chest. He would give Dave a more passive power to round out the more active powers the other Hargreeves have, like a healer

- The scene in the tent was filmed at the studio. The scene on the bus was shot outside. The scene in the trench was partly shot outside but some of it was shot in the studio as well (I wonder if he’s confusing that trench scene with the hallucination at the Rave though?)

- He said the scenes were beautifully lit (I beg to differ, Cody!)

- Klaus helped unlock that part of him (I think he means Dave’s sexuality) and he also says that Klaus was a very specific target to Dave’s love. Klaus seems like one in a million. When you love someone there’s something specific about them that pulls that out of you.

- Calem returns! He was in his room where the internet crapped out on him but then he went downstairs. Cody asked what it was like for Calem to come in and play an established character. Calem said he purposely didn’t talk with Cody about the character before playing him because he’d done the audition without knowing anything about the character so he didn’t want to risk doing something too different from what he’d done in the audition, but he did watch season 1. He also said he was a bit anxious about what the audience would think of him playing the character, and Cody went into acting mentor mode and said that he doesn’t think the job is about appeasing the fans but about trying to be as true as possible. He also said that Calem did a good job and he shouldn’t be hard on himself but Calem then said that he quickly got over it and he wasn’t thinking about it on set, just afterwards. Calem mentioned that he creeped Cody’s IMDB and he said that his dad was a camera operator on Lizzie Borden Chronicles this Cody guest starred in an episode of.

- Dave loves music like Cody. He mentioned Four Tops as another band and then Motown again. He thinks the bar scene shows Dave’s love of music but he wasn’t thinking about that at the time.

- Dave would be overstimulated at first if he came to the future because we’re bombarded with a lot more stimulus than in the 60s. The internet and iPhones would blow his mind. He let’s a “we’ll see” slip, which he then quickly corrects to “we would see”

- The kiss in the bar was definitely the first kiss and he thinks it happened a couple months into the tour. He thinks the feelings were mutual quite early, but that it would have taken some time to act on them and to be able to gauge if each other were really giving off the signals that they like each other.

- He’s appreciative of the fan love and he tries to make a connection with everyone he can

- Dave is an optimistic force who thinks that love will prevail so he would have wanted to do something to make it work despite the obstacles they faced

- Cody doesn’t know how close to the vest Klaus kept the stuff about his powers and the time travel etc but he did see Klaus appear so he does know there’s something strange about him. Dave trusted Klaus and even if it wasn’t explicitly talked about there was enough trust to go “wherever you go I’ll follow, wherever that leads.” When Klaus conjures Dave, Dave is excited to see him but isn’t really surprised or put off by any of the circumstances that Klaus is in.

- He thinks that Dave is more the listener of the relationship, but he could certainly see Dave telling Klaus about Dune and Klaus indulging him.

- Rob is very genuine, very unassuming, very immediately open, very funny, definitely puts you at ease, incredibly thoughtful, very considerate, good dude (wow it’s the complimenting Rob speed run! 8 in a row!)

- The aspect of Dave that Cody connects to most is his non-judgemental quality

- Dave would connect with Vanya’s softness and Luther’s moral compass (he said Diego’s moral compass in the cleverklaus q&a so not sure if he just mixed them up). He thinks Dave might be a bit too sincere for Five and Ben would appreciate being able to unload Klaus on Dave.

- He thinks Dave is not a tattoo guy but Klaus is impulsive so getting a tattoo really aligns with his personality. He thinks that Dave’s actions speak louder than words written on him

- He connects to the fractured family theme of the show on a personal level

- Dave being jewish was something he only learned about through looking at the dogtags, it wasn’t in the script or anything

- Dave might have studied Philosophy if he’d gone to college instead of joining the military, he feels like there’s a dreamer quality to Dave

- Even though Dave was pressured into joining the military, he thinks that Dave believed he was going the right thing by enlisting

- Colm is a Canadian Hall of Fame actor and Reginald is such an intense character so Cody would love to do a scene with him. He would also love to do a scene with Elliot.

- Cody remembered waiting on set to film the scene in the club and he, Rob and Tom were in an 80s hotel with a heart shaped jacuzzi (??? oh was this the set with the Handler and Agnes maybe?)

[shyrose57]

AU(s) where all the mod videos Tommy does, along with some other videos, are all alternate universes, and their residents end up in the SMP. Chaos ensues. 

Voice Mod AU:

Universe where nobody talks aloud. They telepathically communicate, and the closer you are, the clearer and louder you are, unless you have the control the lower your mental voice.

Why?

Post-apocalyptic world(because Tommy said welcome to the new world at the start, and I too that and ran with it). They’re the new versions of humans, created after life returned on the planett, and the telepathy is a survival method, because outward noise draws predators, inner noise does not. 

This also means they possibly have some other features similar to that. Like maybe Quackity’s duck wings being from some newly evolved duck species in the new world, Wilbur being a bit abnormally tall, or similar. I’m not sure. 

Oh hey, no, Wilbur can be like a tree hybrid or something, cause Treebur. 

Basically, evolution and telepathy.

Wilbur has a horse named Bert, he is speedy, and spends just as much time dragging his owner out of trouble than he does riding him into it.

The gang is basically just traveling the lands, exploring what’s about.

There are fish-horses, ender-horses, spider-horses, silverfish ponies, and horses that are somewhat like a breed between llamas and sheep in the world.

There are a lot of new horse breeds.

The Quackity of this universe wears clothes a lot like Manhunt Dream’s, hoodie-wise, but it’s all bright blue, and his mask has the :] face on it.

Size Mod AU:

Universe where people can shift and change sizes, though only to certain ones.

For example, Wilbur’s stuck small. He can shift to the size of a small dog, height wise, or that of a flower, but he can’t get big. Quackity can go smaller than Wilbur, or literally bigger than the Enderdragon. Both Tommy can be normal sized, or big, and Phil’s can be about the size of a tree, or become the size of a small mountain. 

They all live in a nice house in the plains and spend their time terrorizing the locals.

Wilbur has a little house within the house, and he uses his size to cause havoc more often than not. Quackity is equally guilty of this.

Sometimes when the kids are being particularly bad, Phil puts the smaller ones in a compost bin and holds Tommy off the ground until he starts behaving. 

Quackity’s a follower of the Blood God. Not to Techno’s length, but he goes and kills rabbits for him, and dedicates the chaos his giant form causes to the guy. In return, the four always have a flourishing harvest, and Quackity’s absolutely mean in battle. 

Wilbur sleeps in one of Tommy’s old shoes that he stole and made into a bed.

Honestly, Wilbur’s kind of like the house mouse. He steals stuff and vibes in his little home in the walls. The cats that occasionally slip in try to eat him a lot too.

Wilbur and Quackity are bird hybrids, Tommy’s a zombie hybrid(cause he’s fighting a zombie and saying ‘I burn’ at that little bit), and Phil’s an iron golem hybrid.

Quackity and WIlbur have little bird-houses set up around the area for them to dart into and hide if anything comes after them.

They all met when tiny Q and Wilbur tried to rob Tommy and Phil. They succeeded with Tommy, but Phil was less than impressed at the attempt. Somehow it resulted in them all sharing a house.

Dragon Mod AU:

Universe set in more medieval-themed world. Phil, Quackity, and Tommy are dragon hunters. Wilbur’s a mischievous dragon sorcerer who enjoys shapeshifting into a dragon to mess with people. The hunters were originally sent after him, but spent more time frantically running for their lives while he laughed at them.

Wilbur’s actually good friends with the actual Enderdragon, who he calls Keithette. It was with her blessing that he decided to pick on the hunters.

He just spends all of his time messing with them. That’s all he does. He messes with them. It’s originally more malicious, which means they had a ridiculous amount of deaths, but they eventually all grew fond of each other, so now it’s more playful. 

He helps them find treasure and scares off rivals. 

Tommy’s a trained medic. 

Quackity and Wilbur are...something? It’s a Skephalo situation. They could just be very affectionate friends, or they could be dating, or they could be messing with everyone. Nobody knows, and everytime they think they’ve figured it out, the two seem to magically know and do something to throw them off.

They’ve confused many, many people with their antics. 

(They’re probably messing with people though, because they definitely know what they’re doing)

When the actual Enderdragon and her egg mysteriously went missing, Wilbur rounded up his friends and asked for their help in finding her-so now the group is on a quest to find her and return her to the End.

Natural Disaster Mod AU:

Universe where world ending natural disasters just keep happening. It killed off a lot of people, but honestly, at this point, it’s been going on for years, and those that remain are pretty used to it.

Tubbo and Wilbur are followers of the Mule God, and were brought together by him. Jack and Tommy are two good friends who came together to survive. And Phil’s a top-tier survivalist who keeps an eye on the four, mostly because he’d feel bad if they died too often while they live in the area.

Though they’re all three different groups, they stick together and help each other out.

Tommy and Tubbo were childhood friends before the disasters separated them. A young Jack found Tommy and took him in, and Tubbo was saved and blessed by the Mule God. They’re still friends, but have somewhat grown apart with their differing lifestyles. 

Tommy’s a penguin hybrid. 

Tubbo and Wilbur have been known to try and scam people passing by, and they have tried this with everyone in the area too-the difference is the ones who stick around know better than to buy it. 

Whenever Tommy wants to hang out, he declares he’s rescuing Tubbo, and steals him from whatever he’s doing. Wilbur has long since accepted that occasionally Tubbo is going to be stolen, and doesn’t even blink anymore. 

Tommy wears green, and Tubbo wears red. 

Storm riding is a favored sport of Tubbo’s, where you grab a hang glider and get swept up into the storm. Jack hates it, but often gets dragged along anyway. 

Morph Mod AU:

Universe where shapeshifters are more common, and Tommy, Charlie, Phil, Schlatt, and Wilbur are all a clan of them. 

They co-exist with humans, and actually protect the local villages they live close too. 

They also spend a lot of time messing with people outside said villages, but that’s unimportant. 

Charlie and Wilbur prefer to be aquatic creatures. while Phil transforms into whatever works better for the environment he’s in. Schlatt just does whatever, and Tommy usually sticks to human form, only shifting when he’s bored or he needs too. 

Wilbur tried to transform into a horse once, while in fish form. He’s not sure what exactly happened, but long story short, he’s the reason for the myth of the hippocampus.

They have a house in the village, one out, and then general little areas meant for them in animal form. 

Because shapeshifters are strongly group-oriented, they prefer to shift in pairs or groups. Charlie and Wilbur typically pair up, as do Schlatt and Tommy. Philza doesn’t really have that instinct as strongly, so he just stays close to them instead. 

Laser Eye Mod AU:

Universe set in a futuristic setting, where, due to an ancient void deity becoming malicious, Tommy, Phil, Charlie, and Wilbur are selected to become plasma wielding cyber warriors(futuristic magical girls, basically) to fight back against such threats.

These four’s cybernetics were embued with magic to produce specific plasma that would be effective against threats.

Phil wields divine plasma, and it’s fired out from his cybernetic wings, which were implanted as a military experiment. He can even detach a feather to act as a plasma covered sword.

Tommy wields phoenix plasma, and it’s fired out of his cybernetic eyes, which were transplanted into him when he was in an accident young, rendering him blind. They allow him to see by scanning out the outlines of objects and areas, and feeding the image into his brain.

Wilbur wields soulfire plasma, which is fired from his prosthetic legs, which have a kind of mermaid-motif, with fins and all, and make him a fast swimmer.

And Charlie wields greekfire plasma, fired from his cybernetic arm-it can also fire slime-like globs that rapidly grow and incase the area they’re attached too. 

Wilbur was actually the first selected for the program, but he went missing shortly after, stolen and controlled by the void deity, who turned him into quite the obstacle for the others.

They eventually rescued him from it’s control, and after he recovered, he joined the fight. 

Endermen and endermen hybrids are common minions of the void deity-it seems to have End-based origins, being able to control them.

Lava Ravine Mod AU:

Universe where Phil, Charlie, Wilbur, and Tommy are all strangers, who get a mysterious invite to an unknown world. It seems like a lovely vacation at first, strangers aside, but things turn deadly when a seemingly normal ravine in the ground begins to grow, the lava inside it begins to rise, and our heroes find themselves unable to leave the world.

They soon realized they may have been selected for their ability to survive, but to do that, they’re going to have to all work together.

Tommyinnit originates from the world of RLcraft, Phil grew up in Hardcore Mode, Charlie is a fallen god from a world of chaos, and Wilbur has lived through a world like this before.

They build a giant glass and stone dome, and live within there, using their various skills to survive. 

Wilbur pretty much knows how this world works to a T, and is able to predict when the lava will raise and how quickly. He knows how to survive and work around the heat.

Tommy and Phil have a variety of skills from their lives before, not limited to first aid and cooking.

And Charlie’s got a bit of godly power he can put to good use here, as well as many out-of-the-box ideas for what to do.

Charlie brought a card-game from his old world, and teaches Wilbur how to play. It becomes a favorite past time of theirs. 

Jump Mod AU:

Universe where enhanced individuals have recently begun to exist. Tommy, Wilbur, and Quackity are some of many who choose to use their new abilities for their own gain, becoming thieves. They were taken under the wing of master thief Philza, who was in the game long before he gained his new powers.

Or, well, they were thieves. A job gone wrong resulted in them being caught by authorities, and forced into a deal. Once thieves for their own gain, now they’re agents for the government, stealing back what was stolen from their country. 

All of them are generally more physically enhanced, with agility, endurance, and all that jazz. But they also have other abilities. 

Tommy’s faster than anyone. Wilbur can refract light, essentially becoming invisible. Phil can communicate with birds. And Quackity can change the density of anything he touches, himself excluded. 

Philza was actually caught because he stayed behind for his new partners. He had realized someone was looking into them, and didn’t want the younger ones going into that alone. 

TNT Mod AU:

Universe where everyone is a mob hybrid, and they live divided in tribes. Tommy, Phil, Charlie, and Wilbur are a tribe/keg of creeper hybrids, who protect their territory, and cause havoc for any trespassers who happens upon them.

No one dares settle there, because these four are just as likely to swear a village’s protection as they are to laugh as they set it ablaze. It’s purely up to how they feel at the moment, finicky keg that they are. 

However, there is a reason some do venture here. 

Every tribe/(name for grouping of specific mob) guards a certain treasure. For the creeper boys, it’s an orchard of apple trees that grow, not only red apples, but gold ones too-and rarely, a god apple.

If you do happen to stumble upon their territory unintentionally, your best bet is to appeal to Wilbur, as he does have a soft spot for people-of course, you’ll need to make sure none of the others think you’re taking advantage of that soft spot, lest they slowly and painfully kill you for even considering it.

Creepers are very friendly to them, and see them as one of their own. Other mobs, not so much.

The orchard is surrounded by a dense forest, that’s abruptly lets up to a clearing that rings around it. This is where the keg lives, in high tree houses all connected to one another.

Their forest is their pride and joy, and it’s filled with many exotic trees and plants from around the world. Bringing them an addition for it is a sure way to assure your survival, and even gain an alliance, if it’s a really good addition.

Likewise, messing it up even slightly will immediately get you murdered.

Black Hole Mod AU:

Universe where the sun exploded and became a black hole that’s slowly consuming the world. Though many perished, some survived, with the advanced technology in the future.

Wilbur, Charlie, Phil, and Tommy are some of those survivors. 

Charlie is a scientist, studying the black hole to see if there’s anyway to perhaps stop it, or survive within it once it consumes them.

Phil’s a former mercenary who came to the lab with Tommy, after finding the young student stumbling about the remains of a city.

Wilbur’s the former on-board scientist from the crew that first encountered the black hole. He was originally presumed dead, but suddenly reappeared one day, and was found nearby by Phil, who dragged him to the lab. He’s...different. He’s seen things.

Charlie and Wilbur graduated from the same university, and were actually working in the same lab before Wilbur joined his crew in space for an up-close study.

Philza has a bad habit of adopting any creature he finds, and it’s become something of a joke by the four. He adopted Tommy, he’s adopted Wilbur and Charlie, and he has quite a few birds and other creatures that followed him back.

Body Shuffle Mod AU:

Universe where glitches a common sight, and humanity has evolved alongside them.

The world basically...well, I wouldn’t say revolves around? But glitches are a large part of life at this point, and players have specifically evolved to be able to work with them.

A common glitch includes the Body Glitch, where random body parts will seemingly vanish off a person without causing them harm or effecting them.

Tommy and Charlie are Takers, people who have a special, glitch-specific gene that allows them to take a glitch effecting a being or item, and pull that effect from said being/item, and upon themselves.

They’re equally loved and hated, considering the rarity of the gene, and what uses it could be employed for.

The two have a business that they use this ability to take and relocate glitches for various purposes.

Philza and Wilbur are the two’s bodyguards turned friends, who protect them from less savory people, and suss out the ones with bad intentions.

Gas Mod AU:

Universe set in a modern fantasy world where a mysterious gas suddenly overtook the planet. Many died. A few survived-but for some of them, that was the crueler fate, as the mysterious gas began to make them monsterous creatures that sought flesh and blood.

Tommy, Charlie, Phil and Wilbur are the scattered survivors in a city overtaken by the gas, banding together to fight back the monsters born from the green fog, and stay alive. 

Wilbur was formerly a cartographer on a ship. He’s also half siren, and his most priceless possession is a diamond dagger given to him by his former captain.

Charlie is a doctor, as well as a wizard. His magic pet is a slime-like dragon. Yeah, he’s not sure where the little guy came from either.

Phil got a whole cocktail of heritage, but most are sky-related, so he’s got a strong grasp on air magic, which he uses to create safe bubbles for the gang to breathe freely.

And Tommy’s a low tier human-turned demon after death- an imp, basically. He causes havoc.

They all have to wear gas mask, which are heavily enchanted to keep the gas from affecting them.

The group basically just has a weirdly domestic life in the abandoned city, after they cleared out an abandoned apartment building to chill in.

Surgery Mod:

Universe where the gang are the experiments of a mad scientist having escaped.

Tommy is a poison-based experiment, Wilbur is a Nether-based one, Philza is an End-based experiment, and Charlie is an Over-world based one.

They were all grouped together in a cell because the older three are part of the Dimension Project, and Tommy accidentally imprinted on Wilbur when he was created, meaning he would have died if he was separated from him.

The four eventually decide that they hate this life, and stage a break out with the rest of the guys experiments. 

Once they escaped, they decided to travel the world as a family, exploring everything they’d never had the chance to see, and finding where they belonged in this place.

Lava Floor Mod AU:

Universe where all the oceans in the world have been replaced by lava. For Ninja, Tommy, Wilbur, and George, their get-along vacation goes south when they’re stranded alone on a chain of distant islands, far from any sign of civilization. 

If they ever hope to survive, they’ll have to put their issues to the side and work together to get to the one place unaffected-the Nether.

Tommy ‘Smokes’ Notfound, and Wilbur ‘Soot’ Fortnite are the two children of the struggling couple George ‘Specs’ Notfound and Ninja ‘Bow’ Fortnite, who haven’t seen each other in years, despite still being married.

The two, knowing how close their kids were, agree to meet up so the two can hang out, which is why they ended up on this vacation on the first place. 

Wilbur and Smokes would really appreciate if their parents could get along too-it’d make vacation a lot nicer without all the tension. And yes, they could worry about all the oceans turning to lava, but they won’t. Instead, they’re going to be gremlins who try to get their parents to make up, whether that means divorce, or becoming a happy couple again.

Rising Void Mod AU:

Universe where the planets are being eaten by the void. Tommy, Philza, and Quackity are all aliens who managed to escape the demise of their home planets, and crashed landed on Earth, with the intention of warning them of what was coming.

Unfortunately, the only guy around for miles is Ranboo, a conspiracy theorist who prefers his isolated mountain cabin to the city...and also is in complete denial about the existence of aliens, even if they’re standing right in front of him. 

Quackity is from a planet where ores and gems have a large part of fashion culture.

Tommy’s planet was the first to fall. However, Quackity was the one who was closest to be touching, and it leaves side effects-like him occasionally hearing it’s eldritch whispering calling for him to surrender himself to it and stop fighting-

But, y’know. It’s fine. It’s all good.

(Although he does happen to be the most aware of their inevitable fate, and uses humor to cope with the knowledge that no matter how hard they try, he and these people he’s grown to care for are going to die, and there’s absolutely no way to stop that)

Sky Grid Mod AU

Universe where Ranboo is a young, lonely god born to a grid-formed world. Though he has made many interesting creations, he decides he wants someone like him. Who can listen, and answer, and love, and hate.

And the universe loves him, so it answers.

It finds two souls who’ve died too young, and puts them into his hands to mold as he wishes. One, he creates in colors of green, like grass, and emeralds, and poison alike. The other, he creates in colors of red, like lava and poppies, and warm beds.

Their names are Tubbo and Tommy, and they’re different than what he thought they’d be. They cannot be controlled or remade, but they can bleed, and they can laugh, and most importantly, they can make choices.

And they choose to love him, taking him in their embrace as a friend, treating him kindly, and as one of their own, regardless of his power or abilities. 

The three make a home in the gridded world, finding themselves and never fearing the fall, because the world loves both it’s godling, and the people made within it.

Terraforming The Moon AU:

Universe where the remains of humanity have fled to the moon upon the destruction of earth. They unintentionally awake age-old space deities, who, luckily for them, feel like lending a hand-mostly. 

Wilbur is the only actual deity of the moon, but the rest of the SBI spend more time there than they don’t, because humans are interesting.

Tommy’s the youngest god, a deity of the stars within their young galaxy-it’s a position that was passed onto him by the former star deity, Clara.

Technoblade is the deity of both Mars and Venus. He’s actually been to Earth a few times before it’s destruction, and finds their cultures fascinating-particularly the Greek and Romans.

Philza is the god of the End. The oldest, he’s not just a deity, he’s a primordial of the end of all things. Truthfully, it was the very end of Earth that awoke him from his slumber, and it’s former inhabitants interesting lives that keep him awake.

They all pick a human to favor, and help out. Changes on the day.

Honestly, they aren’t necessarily malicious? They don’t really consider the fact that humans don’t have the same limitations and powers as them, so occasionally they fuck something up that somebody worked hard on, and don’t understand why they don’t just fix it already, not realizing that the humans actually have to take awhile to do that.

One Hundred Player Laboratory AU:

Universe set in modern time. 

Wilbur and Technoblade are two university students trying to do a study for their finals-unfortunately, the rats they were supposed to use are both oddly sentient, and incredibly chaotic.

Techno and Wilbur are doing a study of behavior, and other scientific things. To do this, Techno has built a large, complex maze/building thing.

And Wilbur purchased a bunch of rats-except, he probably should have been a bit more careful who he bought from, becomes these rats definitely understand human speech, are all not normally colored, and desire to be as annoying and detrimental to their grades as possible.

To put it lightly, it’s not going well.

George’s If You Laugh You Lose Rematch AU:

Universe set in a chaotic, light-hearted world.

Sapnap, Karl, George, and Dream are some of the world’s residents.

Karl and Dream are chaotic shapeshifters who enjoy messing with George.

Sapnap’s a mischievous nether spirit who likes to team up and help them do it.

Karl can shift into objects, and Dream can turn into animals. 

The whole world is comedic, and all it’s residents have a permanent case of the giggles-to the point of making a game of how long one can hold off laughing.

Sapnap usually takes the form of an enderman or enderman hybrid 

[girl-next-door-writes]

SELF-PROMOTION TIME!! What is your favorite fic that you’ve written? What is your least favorite fic that you’ve written? What is your favorite fandom/character to write for? What fic do you wish had more notes/reads/comments? Name a fic you’ve written that did better than you expected. Name one that was worse than you anticipated. What keeps you writing and on Tumblr? Does anything make you want to stop/leave? Lastly, what fic by another author would you recommend your audience to read?

Not sure how long this has been in my inbox, but here goes...

My favourite fic of mine has got to be The Tales of Mabel and Hogan, because it still makes me giggle. Honestly, it's a random piece of crack that could really be any character at all but just happens to be a very rare rpf of mine. It's basically what I think might happen if Rob Benedict wrote an erotic novel. It's just silly.

My least favourite fic of mine is a Harry Osborne fic I wrote called The First Kiss is the Sweetest. It was a request for a character I'd never written before and I just don't feel like I got it right and I've not written him since.

My favourite character to write for is tricky one because it depends on my mood. Hux is definitely up there, as is Mycroft, but I also have a soft spot for Crowley and Gabe.

What fic do I wish had more comments? Any of my series would be the answer to this. I hate it when I get an idea for a series because the feedback you get for it is NEVER anywhere near equal to the blood sweat and tears you pour into a series and it's always disheartening. On the rare occasion I do a series, I try to have it all written before posting the first part because I know the lack of feedback will dishearten me and I will end up abandoning it for a while. (prime example being Greater Forces -Mycroft, What Do You Say - Hux, Work For Free - The Hobbit and Rumour Has It - George Weasley. )

A fic that did better than I expected was Reality Check. It was my first Arthur Fleck fic and the reception I got from the Joker fandom was just AMAZING! They definitely made me want to write more of him.

A fic that did worse than I expected has got to be Come What May, my Sam Winchester/ Moulin Rouge series. I had an actual schedule, I did little promo's, people had said they were excited for it and then it was like *tumbleweed*.

What keeps me writing on Tumblr? Honestly, some days I'm not sure. I've had a break recently but there are a handful of people here who always interact with stuff I post and are genuinely excited to see what I come up with next. That group is dwindling as people leave tumblr but while they are still here I will write for them. (you know exactly who you are, you legends.)

What makes me want to stop? That's an easy one, feeling like I'm shouting into the void. I have a whole stack of stuff I've written and I just haven't posted it here because it feels like people wouldn't care if I posted it or not. There are quite a few character who are rolling around in the back of my head, desperate for me to write them, and I'm just not because it breaks my heart a little when a fic gets 18 reblogs, 11 of which are me. I don't need long rambling comments, though they are nice. I don't need gifs or keyboard smashes, although again those are lovely. Just- if you read something and you like it, share it with people, even if that means setting up a sideblog because it doesn't fit in with your aesthetic because so many amazing writers have disappeared on here and many others are hanging on by a thread.

Fic rec, oh wow, do I really have to pick just one? Honestly there are so many brilliant writers out there for so many of the characters I love so here's a short list for you to go check out.

@iwillbeinmynest @idreamofplaid @imamotherfuckingstar-lord @starlightsearches @redgillan @luci-in-trenchcoats @kittenofdoomage @heloisedaphnebrightmore @captainrogerss @angelkurenai @impala-dreamer

I know I am missing so many off that list and I'm sorry, I'm just going off my terrible memory!

[sandybrett]

[This was initially written as an addition to this post in July of 2021. I've made it its own post for ease of reading.]

I’m glomming on to this slightly old post because I did mention I had thoughts on it, and was reminded again of the issue by this post. This post is a little more in my tumblr orbit and a little less discoursey than the other one, and I didn’t want to just shout into the not-quite-void by making my own post.

Righteous anger against genuine injustice can warp people into hurting other people in ways that only tangentially serve their goals. I’m not interested in pretending that doesn’t happen. It would feel like I was writing, well, propaganda.

I get a little uncomfortable, though, when the person who does bad things in the name of fighting genuine injustice is the main villain of a story. It’s like, you’ve already got a perfectly good villain! You’ve already got a world where magic users rule over everyone else, or a world where there are people who are willing to let the a major rainforest burn if it will benefit them financially; why is the scariest thing about that scenario “…but what if the people who wanted to fix the problem…were evil!” I’m not going to go around saying that no one who cares about fighting oppression or climate change should ever write that sort of story, but it does give me pause.

But I think it is not only okay, but important, that at least some stories whose main arc is about fighting an intolerable status quo include subplots about people who are fighting the same status quo but whose methods or goals are questionable.

Before I get into why, it’s important to point out that there are two different reasons you (general you) might object to the portrayal of a Radical Who Goes Too Far:

1. You may think the character’s actions are actually justified under the circumstances, and that by siding against the character, the creators are prioritizing the comfort of the people in power over the needs of the people who are suffering under the status quo.

2. You may think the character’s actions are not at all justified, and that by associating “radical” with “person who does X horrible thing,” the creators are demonstrating, and passing along to more moderate members of the audience, an inaccurate and demonizing idea of what people like you actually believe.

Or it can be a little bit of both: you believe radical action A is justified, and the story seems to be implying that people who are okay with radical action A are necessarily also okay with cartoonishly evil action B.

With regard to 1, you’re never going to be able to get a large portion of your audience to agree on, for example, how many civilian casualties are worth overthrowing the evil empire. This is a good place for moral ambiguity: the narrative doesn’t need to take a side on every disagreement among the characters. Of course, we all have limits on what we’ll condone (see this post for one of mine). But I hope to show that X doesn’t work and isn’t worth it, instead of just having my heroes stand around preaching to their more radical ally about how two wrongs don’t make a right.

As for 2, it’s a risk, but there are also risks associated with pretending that only good people get involved in radical left politics.

People who are just starting to become aware of all the problems in the world are especially vulnerable to ideological abuse. They need someone to acknowledge the trauma they’ve experienced. They crave an outlet for their guilt over the problems that they’ve arguably been complicit in. They might feel like they have to accept what a seemingly more knowledgeable person says without question.

I think teenagers in particular (but everyone really) need to know that there are people out there who will take advantage of their passion and their desire to do good, who will hurt them and convince them to hurt other people, who will rob them of the ability to think for themselves. And that they can be on the lookout for, and protect themselves against, people like this without betraying the cause.

The “without betraying the cause” bit is key here. By “the cause” I don’t mean a particular ideological label like anarchism or socialism or feminism. (I’m of the opinion that if you’re asking yourself “Does this align with *ism?” rather than “Is this right?” or “Does this work?” you’re already in a little bit of danger, but that’s not a hill I’m going to die on right now.) Sometimes you need to distance yourself from a group or an organization or even an ideology for your own safety, even if you partially or mostly agree with it. That doesn’t mean you can’t keep working to make the world a better place.

And part of my issue with stories that condemn radical action in an effort to demonstrate that the road to hell is paved with good intentions? Is that they don’t actually offer anything to the people who most need to hear that message. The moderates get to be reassured that they’re the reasonable ones, and for any radical who may be having doubts about whatever they’re involved in at the moment, it just confirms their sense that the rest of the world is out to get them and drives them deeper into their echo chamber. What they could maybe use is a story that acknowledges the presence of abusers and otherwise cruel people in radical movements without turning that into an excuse for the status quo.

[e-r-h]

Peace!

It’s been about ten years since I started this Tumblr account, and nearly two years since I last updated. This has been a document of a specific period of time in my life that I think has ended. I want to close this chapter properly and to hopefully contextualize its contents in a productive way should someone stumble across this account in the future.

Honestly, I started this Tumblr a decade ago to just be a process blog of my own student work while I was attending grad school and it ended up morphing into more of an advice column for better or worse. I don’t think it’s good to keep this going for a lot of reasons. 

I’m glad to know that a lot of people found my entries to be useful, or at least entertaining and I’m sure it led to some positive things in my career—but when I look back, I see a naive person growing up in public and I don’t think that was the best thing in the world to go through and it wasn’t as altruistic as was implied.

Rereading old entries, I think there’s advice I gave that was good, and I think there were some exchanges that were selfish, braggadocios, and ungenerous. A lot of times it was merely a reflection of what I was going through in my personal life at the time. I’ve had people over the years thank me for having this Tumblr but to be honest, I cared more about being perceived as helpful more than actually being helpful.

I think over the course of most of my twenties, this account along with my other social media accounts had filled a void that I felt in my heart. I think when you grow up feeling worthless, any sort of attention will feel like a drug and I think starting in the early 2010s—some of the discourse surrounding topics such as race, identity, gatekeeping, felt really affirming and it helped me make sense of some really complicated emotions and feelings in the world. At the time, I was a young designer who had just emerged in the scene and was slowly gaining consciousness about the intersections of his identity. I was thinking out loud and through that, it felt empowering in many ways but at the same time I also relinquished some of the power I had in other ways. It robbed me of the compassion and curiosity I naturally possessed for people. I’m not a confrontational person by nature but felt like I had to be. If you asked me at the time, I could’ve told you that I was speaking up for marginalized people, against the gatekeepers, the elders in the field and I was giving advice to other people with similar backwards and identities on how to navigate a competitive and unforgiving industry—some of that was true. But what’s also true is that it felt good at the time to be mean to people who I felt were mean to me and it felt good to be admired. Talking about the ways in which I was a victim made it harder to grow out of feeling like a victim and it became a weird cycle in many ways.

I don’t want to beat myself up and I’m thankful for most of this, but a lot of it my activity on the Internet was using politics and hot takes as a substitute for therapy and personally I was mapping fundamental feelings of unhappiness onto the idea of a young outsider out to disrupt a field. I’m not young anymore. I was never an outsider. The entire time, by focusing on what I didn’t have, I wasn’t looking at the privileges I did have. I think I have a responsibility to uplift younger and more marginalized voices and make myself helpful—but I don’t want to do it here, because the gestalt that this Tumblr had built up of a scrappy young designer with a chip on his shoulder is no longer accurate of who I am and I’d rather start fresh. It was self-aggrandizing and unhealthy and self-limiting.

Not only that, but what does uplifting someone’s voice really entail? So much damage has been done on the Internet this decade by mistakenly assuming giving something attention is universally helpful. I am a product of a marginalized voice that was given visibility and attention and not all of it was good for me. This decade on the Internet has been all about visibility. Assuming visibility is truly what helps people is a huge assumption. By putting people in a top ten list of Emerging Creatives of Color robs them of the consent, context, and dignity that they deserve. I think I should try to figure out a different way. The past ten years the Internet has been slowly melting into a giant hot take factory. Everyone knows everything. I don’t think I was alone in being a victim and perpetrator of that machine, I think platforms were engineered this way, but I think it makes sense to say that out loud. How ironic that a blog I started to specifically document questions I was asking ended up documenting questions I was answering.

The lessons that I have learned are much more banal than anything else I’ve posted on here but they’re important to me. None of us know what we are doing—myself included. There is unfairness in the world and people directly contribute to that, but accountability and punishment aren’t synonymous and any desire for the punishment of others should be questioned. There are parts of who I am like my ethnicity that I can’t change and people who haven’t always been okay with those parts of me have consciously and unconsciously contributed to my personal suffering, but I’ve also contributed to my own personal suffering by hyper-fixating on those parts of me too.

I’m not writing about this time period out of shame. I’m leaving this thing up. I am okay with a record of ten years of me figuring out a few things in my life. Ultimately, I see my posts and I love myself deeply in a way that I haven’t always have. All I needed was a hug and I eventually got that hug from healthier place. I’m glad at least some of it has helped people but I’m free to move on now. I’ll probably be on Mirror if you need me but I promise you’ll be okay!!!

[lambourngb]

Nailing that Dynamic- Recs - Day 1

Day 1 for Creator’s Week, and I gotta say, this is my favorite fan event, mainly because it was the first one I participated last year. This little rec set is devoted to dynamics, divided into friendship, found family, and finally romantic (and yes, that’s Malex with me.)

We’ve had two seasons of this show, and while I can’t really relate to aliens or even the immigrant story, I do relate strongly to the stories behind friendship. I can say my appetite for fic with a good friendship dynamic will always be there.

Will You Be My Friend- Circle Yes or No (recs)

Finding You by @myrmidryad  (122,000) - If by chance the canon from high school bums you out, this is the story to read. Gin writing malex is always a ‘no-brainer I’m gonna read it story’ for me, but what really set this epic apart was how beautifully Gin writes the friendship dynamics between Michael & Liz, and Michael & Max. It’s a canon-divergent story with no-murder of Rosa or the shed scene, where in order to avoid enlistment, Alex disappears from Roswell and joins the Max & Liz road trip with Michael in tow. They just need to fill that gap between high school and the opening of the dorms at UNM so they can start a life together. And fill it they do with this road trip. There were moments where I sobbed with how badly Michael needed this in canon and didn’t get it. It also made me like Max, so, yeah. Great writing and characterizations here.

Hit the Road by @bestillmyslashyheart - (7,100) - One of the brightest spots for me in season two was Rosa Ortecho, and one of the most frustrating parts of season two was the fact we didn’t get any interaction between her and Alex. *screams* At least I had a few crumbs of Rosa & Maria (not nearly enough!) but still. Where there’s a glaring gap in canon, thank god there’s fanfic. Marlo treats us to a delightful story written post season 1, but had some surprisingly psychic lines about Malex, number one how they don’t think they are good for one another. I really enjoyed what this story says about leaving-  and honestly, the town of Roswell has so much pain tied to these characters, they should all take long road trips away from it.

a few drinks and some conversation by @christchex / @michaels-blackhat (5,600 ) - this one is set post-season 2, with all the complications of Michael deciding now wasn’t the right time for him and Alex, while also working on giving Maria the right space after their breakup.  I think it’s pretty clear that Michael needs a friend he’s not related to and someone he hasn’t slept with - to provide him so low-stakes genuine company outside of the alien bullshit and love triangle dynamics. Christi does this beautifully through the eyes of an OC and the number of times I’ve read this story is like 10, and also, it’s inspired my current story about Michael going on dates.

and headin’ out singing our song by @stars-and-sunshine (4,100) post season 2, Alex and Michael head off on a road trip (okay, this is a trope I apparently like since I’ve recced three stories now, hahaha) after Alex’s car breaks down. There’s a careful space in this story, of two men building a friendship again. The roadtrip details are beautiful, but what stayed with me is a scene in the museum. That summer of 2008 had some ghosts to address.

If I Follow You Home, Will You Keep Me? found-family dynamics

When You’re Gone by @bestillmyslashyheart (8,200) - Before I tell you why I love this story, I want everyone to follow the next link and read this story about email and messages and grief in the digital age [trigger for cancer death] chat history by Rebecca  Armendariz. (She also wrote a follow up called Timelines published by the Hairpin that talks about the memory function on facebook.) So back to the story, this is Rosa, opening her email 10 years after her death and reading the messages people sent her, thinking they were speaking into the void. Liz, Maria, Alex, Mimi and Arturo, all of them sending her notes, sometimes time passes without an email, then an event triggers that memory of Rosa not being there- and yeah, I found this whole thing to be so moving.

Never Ever Getting Rid of Me by @spaceskam - (4,400) this probably could have gone in the friendship side, but I feel like when you work in a high stakes place like a hospital, friends is a term that ends up being too light, and with the level of competition and stress it grows a bond like family... anyway, this is an AU where Michael and Kyle end up at the same hospital as competing interns but some elements of canon are still there.

still fixing all the cracks by @emma-arthur -  (3,400) this is a pre-canon story, set when Alex is 14. He’s still a soft child, being tortured by his dad, and soaking up the attention from Liz, Rosa and Arturo when he breaks a glass and spirals. Heavy discussion of child abuse and homophobic abuse, but a really good exploration of the canon-neglected Liz & Alex friendship, plus with that paternal Arturo Ortecho in the mix...

Ophiuchus by @planetsam - (11,600) the other bright side of season 2 was the reveal of Walt Sanders as being not only Michael’s boss, but someone who knew his mother, knew what he was, and silently looked out for him...now of course I wish he had been more overt in doing this, but fanfic once again has fixed this canon-oversight. This is an incredible look through Walt’s eyes as he gets in over his head adopting an alien child, especially one who already had issues from previous foster placements. I could read a million words in this verse.

The Michael Sanders AU by @prouvaireafterdark (17,000 ) And speaking of great AUs where Michael is raised by Walt, I would be really amiss in not mentioning this one. It’s got hot high school Malex moments, emotional/hurt comfort for both Michael’s past foster placements but also the shit Alex is living with at home. I have to say “Honey if You Stay” is my favorite, just because of how badly I wanted to hug teen Alex...

and finally, no found family rec list could be complete without mentioning the epic series To Raise a Child (117,000 in progress) by @haloud and @maeglinthebold - season 2 put some hits on my headspace and emotional reserves, not to mention 2020 nonsense, so I’m dreadfully behind in commenting on this story. It’s just a huge emotional bandaid for me right now- it takes the idea of “what if the adults in Roswell actually looked out for their children (and other peoples children) and protected them from shit” and what would that change. Michael was found at 7 and then runs away to Roswell at 10, so yeah, humans have already done their best to convince him the world sucks and only finding his siblings matters... Jim Valenti steps in, knowing what he is, and finds him a place in Roswell with Arturo Ortecho. Anyway, everyone gets a turn- Jim, Mimi, the kids, etc in the story, it’s well rounded and fleshed out. Obviously being a malex person my favorite parts are the kid-friendship/this-is-just-a-crush moments in second story, where if you hadn’t lost your heart to Michael Ortecho by then, well, you’re a goner after that story. 

I Could Build Your Heart A Home (malex recs)

time will lie down and be still by @islndgurl777 (29,600) the Practical Magic AU - which I loved but I have never seen the movie it’s based on lol... anyway, this story almost belonged up with my found family dynamic recs, because the story opens with Isobel and Michael being 7 and 8 years old alien siblings and left with Mimi Deluca to raise with her daughter Maria, because with their father recently dead, their mother would soon follow as a species level soulmate bond. Michael vows never to fall in love. Then there’s a beautiful friendship between Maria, Liz, Isobel and Michael as they grow up together that I just wanted to roll around in forever... However this is a Malex rec, so once Alex enters the story in high school and things go down similarly with Jesse, Michael is heartbroken, his soulmate (he thinks) is gone, vanished into the Air Force, and he spends the next 10 years helping Maria, going to school with Liz, and keeping in touch with Isobel. Until 2018 when Isobel finds out her perfect man was like them, an alien, and bad, and they are forced to cover up his murder. Then Alex comes to town. But the soulmate storyline is the winner here and I just re-read it again.

here everyone knows (you’re the way to my heart) by @adamsparirsh (19,700) So this story tackles a dynamic that think will be the death-knell to the Alex/Forrest relationship- the weight of the alien secret and Alex’s responsibility gland and what that looks like to someone who wants to be in a relationship with him. The exclusion. But outside of that- there’s this part of Alex that isn’t willing to let anyone in that isn’t already there, and that’s Michael. I’m fucking weak for stories where these two assholes can’t connect with anyone but each other, and this one hits it. There’s also so many lovely friendship dynamics between everyone showing up for Alex- like Rosa, Isobel, Max, Maria. Obviously this is a Malex-is-endgame story, even though it starts Alex/Forrest.

it’s a long road back to you by @magsthemagical  (17,000) This was an interesting, now AU take on what if Maria/Michael dated at the same time as Alex/Forrest, and honestly, I thought basted on the season two spoilers that was where we were heading. I was gobsmacked by 2x13. Anyway, here’s a story that discusses the tension that would happen if there had been simultaneous dating going on…the parts where Michael sees Alex being open with someone other than him were very raw and true to how I would think he would feel. For 10 years he wanted that and didn’t get it, and so of course the problem was probably him?? Anyway, I enjoyed this a lot, and again felt robbed that we are heading into a new triangle for season 3. 

untouched by @prouvaireafterdark (5,200) - okay, you know when you have an alien soulmate idea in your head and you want it to appear on the page, and then it does and it’s everything you wanted? That’s what happened to me when ‘Untouched’ appeared. Obviously it’s AU, but my reptile brain just loves the idea that Michael and Alex can’t get off with anyone else, and then that frustration builds into a sexy explosion... there’s also some communcation happening with these clowns. But seriously for 5,000 words, A LOT HAPPENS here and I loved every word.

Would you come home by @caitlesshea (1000) How great would have it been if season 2 had ended with Michael and Alex found a baby in a stasis pod instead of Beardy Jones? Like seriously, this short little fic healed so many of my wounds from season 2 that I couldn’t help but include it here. I would take 50,000 more words in this sadly AU take. 

Hoarding you by @foramomentonly (1200) okay, so the rain smell, like 2x04 was low key my favorite episode of RNM ever, especially with Alex throwing that flirty line “It’s smells like rain, that’s what you smell like under the grease and bourbon’ and this author takes that line, and fucking murders me with the idea that Alex can’t move on because of that smell. And Michael is now his, and finds out about it. This is my head canon, okay? No one can talk me out of it.

If you like any of these recs, please leave a comment on the story- a ‘this was awesome’ is enough to propell an author into the stratosphere with happiness, so don’t worry about coming up with a unique, never before shared insight- sometimes a keyboard smash and emogi makes all the difference!

[thesoloists]

Unsweet Dreams

Summary: Bucky may be free of Hydra’s influence, but he’s not free of that of the Winter Soldier. He’s slowly coming to terms with that.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Words: 2.1k

Warnings: PTSD, trauma and anxiety, brief graphic depictions of murder (assault & strangulation), chronic nightmares, fluff via post-nightmare comfort (if it’s any consolation, I tried to keep it balanced)

A/n: AHH, I’m so nervous! It’s been awhile since this corner of the interweb has seen my writing (I made a new tumblr and everything), so if whoever reads this could just, y’know, drop me an ask telling me what you think about this fic, I would really appreciate it. Also, I promise not all my fics will be this dark. I just needed the bit of catharsis at the end. :’)

Bucky used to live in constant fear. It was like a malignant tumor, slowly killing him and robbing him of the ability to live every damn day of his life.

To be in a crowd was like sticking him in a coffin full of nails. As he struggled to stay out of the swirl of hurried people, his anxiety would skyrocket to the point of short-circuiting his mental system. His whole body becomes stiff, his responses shortened and robotic, as he becomes helplessly overwhelmed by the blaring warning signs going off in his head. Until his brain, finding no other option, shut down enough to function on autopilot. Only when he was away from everyone, when his mind was sure they were a safe distance from the danger of the Winter Soldier, would he come back to himself. But, to be honest, was there ever a safe enough distance from such a mindless beast?

The idea of becoming him again was so crippling that before Shuri offered to fix him, Bucky would spend days at a time locked in his room and weeks without leaving the compound. Shuri said he would never be that man again, the crudely molded vague interpretation of one, anyway—not after whatever indescribable thing she had done to him with Wakandan technology that Bucky still finds respectfully confusing. Bucky wanted so badly to believe her, but why, even now, if she is as certain as she was then that the gangrenous part of him is gone, why does he still see him in his dreams at night? Sometimes standing before him like a ghost, void of his humanity, empty of soul, filled only with commands of murder and mission and the pain endured in every attempt to scrape away the bloodshed. 

There’s no place in Bucky’s mind he can hide where the monstrous Winter Soldier cannot find him. In pleasant dreams of sandy beaches with the smell of salt on the open air, the beast will tear open a gaping black rift right behind him, grab Bucky by the back of his collar, and drag him into the void as his screams fall on apathetic ears. Where he ends up is a place where his cries are heard by no one, Where color cannot penetrate the bitter black, and where shapes and barriers do not exist. He can run forever and never hit a wall, and all the while, the Winter Soldier will stalk toward him. Inevitable, just as Bucky is with his surrender.

Agony awaits him, but he knows it will end. It has to end. And when it does, he will wake.

Bucky has long given up trying to escape on his own. Every attempt has proved futile, and it only draws out the agony. He prefers his death to be as quick as ripping a band aid. So, he goes nowhere, just stands in the very place the Winter Soldier dropped him, and waits.

The Winter Soldier stands maybe twenty feet away. His eyes are shrouded in smears of dark black, but his eyes are a stark contrast of light blue shards of cryogenic ice.

Knowing the end will be the same as every other end before it brings Bucky no semblance of comfort. He is helpless to it. No more than a prisoner to his own imagined fate.

After a while of the Winter Soldier reducing the encounter to nothing more than a one-sided staring contest, Bucky hangs his head, shaking it at the absurdity of being made to wait. “Just get it over with,” he mutters.

The shape of the Winter Soldier flickers and disappears, manifesting with daunting intensity right in front of him. Bucky finds nothing but the hoard of his own past screams in the Soldier’s empty gaze. 

In a blink, the Winter Soldier moves. The plates on the Soldier’s metallic machine arm whir and shift as his cold metal hand latches around Bucky’s throat in an unyielding vise, squeezing tighter and tighter, killing the human, killing Bucky. 

Then it is over. In that particular dream, after Bucky dies, Bucky wakes.

Most of the time, however, it is Bucky looking through the lens of the Winter Soldier as a captive, unable to control his movements. It is Bucky’s traitorous metal arm around the throat of someone he cares about, tightening around their choked gasps and rasped pleas...

[Bucky has no desire to live out the Winter Soldier’s greatest hits on all of his friends, so he asks that the burden be left to another’s imagination. If it is any consolation, he is very sorry.]

He’s killed them all more times than he can count. Steve always knows when he’s had one of the dreams the next morning and who it was about because Bucky is incapable of looking that person in the eye. The image of his hand wrapped around their throat is still too fresh a wound in his mind. He’s nothing more than a shell on those mornings. His eyes are gaunt, his attention impossible to keep, and he’s left haunted for most if not all the remaining hours of the day. It’s an inevitability.

It wasn’t until he met you that Bucky allowed himself to believe Shuri’s words of comfort weren’t just empty words meant to reassure him. It’s taken months for him to get to this point, but you have been nothing but patient, never forcing him into anything, never questioning the slow speed at which your relationship progressed. You only take what he gives and in return give what he needs. He still has nightmares, though they occur far less often with you sleeping beside him. In fact, before tonight, Bucky hadn’t had one in months. To know what it felt like to be well-rested, he hadn’t felt that probably since he was digging his stupid five-foot-nothing best friend out of trouble. Before either had turned their gaze toward joining the war. 

When Bucky has either nightmare involving the Winter Soldier, it doesn't matter which, he always wakes up crying. Sometimes silently, sometimes with whimpers or explosive sobs—freshly rebuilt only to be destroyed by the horrors that play out in a hell of his mind’s own making. You sleep notoriously light, so it doesn’t take much for you to wake, and you never want him to apologize for it. His whimpers begin quietly, but they are enough. With the fast action of someone who has done this many times before, you move across the bed until your chest is flush with his back, throw your arm around him, and hold on tight as you whisper sweet assurances into the crook of his neck as his body is wrecked by sob after sob after sob. Grounding him in the existence of his humanity, in the reality of his life as it is now—good and warm and safe— until his tremoring body stills. It’s by no means a quick remedy, and perhaps the emotional exhaustion does most of the work, but with one final shudder, Bucky lets out a hard breath, his last few tears nothing more than wet stains on his pillow.  

In unspoken words of comfort, you press kisses along the jagged scaring where flesh meets metal, before resting the side of your face against his shoulder which is damp with cool sweat, and guide his ragged breathing to a slower, fuller calm with the warmth of your breaths on his back. 

In the now quiet dark of the bedroom, Bucky strokes the back of your hand, tracing lightly over every knuckle with his fingertips. 

With tender movement, you turn your hand beneath his to grasp his hand loosely between your fingers. Your gentle squeeze is simply to ask, Are you okay?

He squeezes twice. No.

He shifts his hand again and after a beat, makes a small request by tapping three times on the back of your head. Your voice breaks through the darkness as you whisper to him, “Who was it, my love?” 

It takes him a minute because he has to remember, and that involves reliving the memory of the dream, if only for a glimpse. But he wants to remember, if only for an attempted catharsis. 

“Steve,” he says hoarsely. Or Natasha, Sam, Tony, or someone else unfortunate enough to have been dropped into the role of victim—But it’s Steve who affects him the most, sometimes in aftershocks that last for days. 

Three taps means he wants to talk about it, but doesn’t want to speak first. Something about having to break the silence after having to relive that trauma just feels too daunting to him, especially now that he’s just been reminded of the monster hiding in his closet after months of silence gave him the false security of maybe being finally free. If anything, it was the sobering realization that he would never truly be free, but it’s an affliction of which he’s willing to find ways to cope. So far, his best success has been found in months of therapy and in the love he found with you. He doesn’t solely rely on you. That’s a burden, and he’s not about to expect you, an extraordinary ordinary human, to somehow be the cure for his chronic mental disturbance. But you bring him words of encouragement and a presence that puts him at ease, and if this is merely the baby-steps to learning to walk on his own, he’s willing to take it and continue practicing. No matter how much he falls, you have made it clear you will always be there to catch him if he needs it.

You wait until he’s ready for you to get up, spending several minutes brushing strands of damp hair away from his face and the rest of the uncounted time trailing your fingers up and down his arms and across his chest in an endlessly light, thoughtful caress. Only when he tells you it’s okay do you briefly disappear into the kitchen to put a kettle on the stove. It’s always been difficult for him to go back to sleep after a dream like this, but it’s easier after he talks through it, and it’s easier with tea.

He doesn’t find sleep again, but you fall asleep on the couch an hour before dawn and halfway through his fourth episode of M*A*S*H. Your whole body is curled in a tight ball on the other half of the couch as you hug an empty mug of tea close to your chest. He carefully removes it from your grasp one vise-like finger at a time (jeez, you have an insane grip for someone who’s asleep), vaguely feeling like he’s trying to disassemble a bomb, and sets it on the side table next to the couch . 

As the credits roll, Bucky carries you back to bed and is part way through tucking you beneath the covers, all warm and snug like a cute little sausage roll, when you begin to stir. Instantly, Bucky freezes. Then he remembers you always do this as if it’s part of some weird post-nightmare bedtime ritual and always manage to go right back to sleep. Comforted by the assurance, and also a little amused by the memories, he turns to close the blinds to block out the rays that would have cut unbearably bright lines against your face had he done nothing (and he’s never been much of a do nothing kind of guy), but when he turns back around, you’re rubbing your eyes with your fingertips—awake, it seems. (Aw, hell.) You blink blearily at him with a lopsided smile he finds adorable, a smile there just for him. 

Sometimes he forgets how lucky he is. 

When your mouth opens with an obscenely loud, drawn-out yawn, he's never loved you more.

After smacking your lips, still in the midst of a sleepy haze, you ask, “You okay?”

While you look at him, Bucky realizes you’re trying monumentally hard to keep your eyes from opening fully, narrowing them to the point that he wouldn’t even know you were still awake if you hadn’t said something. Bucky’s smile turns butter soft at that.

His heart swells. He’s just so appreciative of you. Your kindness. That you willingly sacrifice precious hours of sleep just to tend to the wounds of his own psychological warfare.

“Yeah. I’m good now,” Bucky assures you, and he means it. He lowers his hand to cradle your cheek, sweeping the pad of his thumb back and forth across the swell of your cheek beneath your eyelashes. At the caressing motion, your eyelids flutter, then fall completely closed in total surrender. He leans down, pressing a lingering kiss to your temple. “Sweet dreams, doll.”

Your response is swallowed by the pillow as you shimmy down the bed to bury your face beneath the covers, but he’s pretty sure he heard you say something endearing.

[imadethisatage11]

Live-blogging my reaction to Spiral: from the book of saw

Spoilers under the cut

TL;DR: my overall review is that it was good but I’m going to go watch DPS to cleanse me

- ok so that woman got robbed and for what

- I had to pause to find out who this detective’s actor was Bc it was driving me nuts and it’s MCMURRAY FROM LETTERKENNY???

- love that they’re gonna fuck up this train conductors day lmao

- LOVE genuinely that we’re back to looking gritty and having an old tv play the video and having some rapid cut camera work early 2000’s vibes I embrace you

- why does the voice sound like that,, I wasn’t expecting John but why is it so non threatening now it’s literally just Some Guy™️

- I am glad I paid $15 to listen to Chris Rock talk about Forrest Gump. Worth my money and I mean it genuinely I love Chris Rock he’s great. Stream Everybody Hates Chris on Hulu

- “Z?” Zeke who just had his cover blown: this MF

- “do I look like a fucking Jamaican nanny?!” I- 😀🤚🏽

- ayo Max Minghella

- Chris Rock falling just short of being convincingly aggressively cynical Bc he is Chris Rock with the voice of Chris Rock

- it sounds like he’s setting up jokes that don’t have punchlines and instead they’re just like,, mediocre cynic cop dialogue

- while looking at some pretty fucking intact teeth: this bum is gonna be pretty hard to ID

- I mean I guess the homeless don’t have dental records but were you not even gonna try?

- I’m very pleased Chris Rock put on gloves before handling the strange package I love actually smart character choices that would make sense for them to make

- I.e. the cop knows how to properly handle unexpected unmarked packages delivered to the precinct

- “I thought the jigsaw killer was dead” “well if it’s another copy cat…” another wait is that referring to Logan (which Logan pinned on the other coincidentally crooked cop whose name I’ve forgotten) does that imply Logan only did like? The one trap? And hasn’t been active? Just waited ten years after John died recreates the one trap he was in and then stops?? I mean don’t get me wrong if movie wants to ignore Jigsaw (2017)’s existence I’m game but like what

- also why do the packages look like they’re wrapped in Tiffany boxes lmao

- oh yay they did run dental

- Chris Rock is an asshole but they should go with protocol if that’s what they’re doing

- ordering a man mid piss out of the men’s room to yell at Zeke

- does conflict of interest matter when the whole precinct knows the victim?

- uncomfortable stand-offs with your ex while at the home of a grieving friend

- Samuel L Jackson!

- “I could’ve killed you!” “What are you talking about, I have the gun!” *SLJ pulls a gun out* “I could’ve killed you”

- daddy issues

- “you think this is linked to John Kramer?” Bruh you think it’s NOT??

- ik this is SO far fetched but I rlly hope this movie tells us wtf happened to Dr Gordon. I’m sure it won’t but a girl can dream

- “should we tell Zeke?” “Fuck him” I get you guys don’t like to work w him Bc he’s an ass but like. You’re just not doing your jobs now you’re just proving he’s right that you’re untrustworthy

- splitting up and not telling ppl where you’re going is the number one way to get kidnapped or murdered but way to go cop instincts

- what is this Chinese finger trap ass shit

- love the blue tones tho very Saw

- all it needs is to become uncomfortably green

- fun fact I actually watched the first saw w my friend who is red green color blind and he said it looked AWFUL and I was like oh yeah everything is blue tinted like twilight blue tint and later it’s green just FYI (he thought that made significantly more sense than whatever shit ass color palette he was perceiving)

- being mad at your son for turning in a dirty cop Bc now you’ll have to mess with internal affairs

- and then assaulting someone??? SLJ is an even worse asshole lmao

- another Tiffany box bound in twine maybe it’ll be one of those cheesy diamond heart necklaces

- HELLO what is that ugly ass pig puppet

- also the voice is so stilted did the killer use fuckin text to speech so they couldn’t unscramble the voice like they did to Hoffman?

- cops finding dead pigs, a little on the nose

- oh so this dude has a history of “fuck it” ok well screw that guy then

- SLJ deserves to be pissed at that cop for letting Zeke get shot but like what an unhinged man he threatened to kill him and then actually assaulted him HOW did he EVER get in charge to begin with

- ok wait is Zeke actually the only decent cop (inc his dad but maybe excluding the newbie)

- that is a truly gruesome way to lose fingers tho I must say but he deserves that shit

- wait did the trap not go fast enough or was there a way for him to do that faster and I missed it

- like should he not have hesitated Bc there was a time limit or was it just rigged

- cuz the machine had to pull them off he couldn’t just cut them quickly

- so are they just gonna leave broken leg Dude there or

- also just now I tried to talk abt this movie (so far) vs Jigsaw (2017) to my mom and I got too excited and referenced some character names she didn’t know and she shut me down and said she didn’t care 😀

- live-blogging to my, like, five followers that compromise one one (1) person that knows me IRL, one (1) Sawtual, and a handful of ppl only here for my main DPS content to fill the void of emotional parental neglect. What a great website

- oh no did the rookie die :( he was actually sweet

- I feel like he was too important to kill offscreen tho

- like they’re TELLING us he .. was skinned.. but was he REALLY

- Chris Rock having a revelation: AH FUCK

- everyone else at the crime scene: ….

- favorite thing abt movies that were already gonna be rated R is when they’re like “well if we’re already at R we might as well say fuck”

- she has to SEVER HER SPINAL CORD? Why was she deemed the biggest asshole

- also how on earth was this trap portable it IS in their basement right

- transporting the hot wax is just what gets me

- Chris Rock rn: are you tired of being nice? Don’t you just wanna go apeshit?

- was this abt his dad the whole time???

- does it count as live blogging when I do one big post instead of several small ones lol I just want it to be avoidable for ppl who are just here for Dead Poets Society

- man’s fully abt to cut his arm off like barely even hesitated long enough to notice the bobby pin he could pick the lock with

- there’s a body here suspended

- not hanging mind you

- but covered and suspended

- and I bet it’s the newbie

- ah damn it’s Pete that’s disappointing

- it’s possible the trailers just made him seem more important than he was

- why are they punishing Zeke for reporting a dirty cop and having his career accordingly ruined like he did the right thing and already suffered for it? This killer doesn’t like crooked cops?? Why does Zeke have to be tortured by hearing this dude die like that’s what they want isn’t it?

- I think it’s too late pal

- the glass trap was pretty fucking cool though

- I KNEW HE WAS ALIVE

- I didn’t think he was a MURDERER but I KNEW he was alive

- OH SHIT THE DIRTY COP ZEKE TURNED IN KILLED NEWBIE’S DAD??

- I’m terrible at guessing endings but it makes viewing more fun

- honestly,, do it Chris Rock ACAB

- “you want me to kill cops?” “No, fuck no, just the bad ones”

- what a fun villain though

- I have no idea what the Ultimate Game Plan™️ is here though is he gonna make him kill his dad? I mean his dad does suck but making a dude KILL his DAD? That is a tall order Max Minghella

- ok but literally why wouldn’t you listen to him here shoot the target??

- ANGIE! It WaS aNgIe

- killing this man is not correct justice anyway Zeke

- shot the target! Good man

- groovy of them to play the Hello Zepp soundtrack rn

- oh shit what’s going on SLJ knows what it is

- oh.. w o w. Brutal way to go. Very heavy handed imagery

- and that’s all I guess who the fuck knows what’s up w Doctor Gordon

- and I guess Max Minghella is just gonna get away now but tbh Chris Rock only seemed truly mad at him for involving his dad

- nice rap remix to the OG Hello Zepp score very cool credits music

[anonniemousefics]

My Dearest Inej | Chapter Two

Chapter Masterlist 

Originally posted on AO3

Rating: Teen And Up

Synopsis: A series of letters kept among the personal belongings of Captain Inej Ghafa.

Chapter Two: Burn Before Reading

My dearest Inej,

I’m trying to respond to your last letter, but I am stuck on the fact that you began it with the greeting, “My Devastation.” Dear Ghezen, woman. Is this what it feels like to blush? I despise it. This must never happen again. This is also the only greeting I will accept from now on.

Changing the subject. If I keep thinking about you calling me that, I will get nothing done at all.

You’ve asked for longer letters, more details about the happenings here. To that I say, why not just stay longer next time? And then you won’t have to settle for reading about it.

But since there’s still one month, two weeks, and three days left until you dock again, I’ll try to entertain you. I write these at the end of the day, and I’m finding it’s a pleasant way to unravel the mess in my mind a little anyway. So, here are three things which occurred this past week:

Rotty accidentally stepped on a cat in an alley and needed twelve stitches afterwards. He’s telling everyone it was a knife fight. It doesn’t matter to me what he tells them. I still get to laugh about it either way.

I think Jesper and Wylan are having an argument. Jesper’s worn the same clothes for three days. I’m oddly preoccupied with whether or not I should say something. Or maybe buy him a drink. Look what you’ve done to me.

I dreamt of you this week. And that is all I’m saying about that. Because, unlike some people, I don’t have a sick fascination with making other people blush. I much prefer screaming and cowering and sniveling. It’s far less cruel.

That is your entertainment for the night. As I am writing this, I’m also examining the blueprints of a certain mercher’s townhome. There’s a strange looking void in the plans that I suspect is a hidden vault. I’m probably not going to sleep until I’ve worked out how to get to it.  

Devastatingly yours,

K. Brekker

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inej, darling,

I’m very sorry Jesper’s letter disturbed you. I’m all right. It was just a little arrest and very minor concussion. No, you don’t need to hurry home. I made bail, made all the appropriate bribes – this will all blow over in a month. Well in time for your arrival.

In the meantime, I’m enclosing the blueprints. Maybe you can have a look and tell me how you would have broken in. Be aware -- this one’s a light sleeper and has a very good aim.

Of course I’m resting. Of course.

(in the margins, in Inej’s handwriting:  Lies.)

Yours,

Kaz

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inej. Inej Inej Inej.

You’ll be here tomorrow. I wasn’t going to write again until after. But I took Jesper out for the drink like you said. Drinks. Plural. And it’s interacting strangely with the pain pills the medik offered for the concussion. This has not been my smartest evening.  

Inej. I hope someone stops me before I drop this off at the post tomorrow. I feel very much like I’m about to say things I’m going to regret.  

Listen. Between you and me. Wylan has every right to be angry with Jesper. His spending habits are abysmal, and his cleanliness even worse. He’s a grown man who doesn’t even know how to scrub a dish. They had better not ask us to take sides. Who would you pick? I’d have to pick Jesper. That’s strange. Why do I feel like I have to pick Jesper?

This has been illuminating.

You’ll be here tomorrow. Inej. You’ll be here tomorrow. I don't think I'll be able to sleep. This has been the longest three months of my life. I’ve lost count of how often I’ve dreamt of your laugh, your eyes, your hair, your lips. If I could only taste them. I imagine I might even prefer it toffees.  

Tasting your lips, specifically, I mean. I think that was clear. I actually have no interest in eating your hair. Gods, I'm drunk.

You’ll be here tomorrow, Inej. And now I’m going to be hungover like an ass. I’m sorry. Hopefully I’ll have the decency to say sorry to your face. You have the most lovely face.

Perhaps I will put this in the post, just in case tomorrow’s hangover ruins everything. A preemptive apology can’t hurt.

With every regret and with all of my heart,

I remain yours,

K. Rietveld

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(in an envelope marked: “OPEN FIRST”)

My dearest Inej,

I must respectfully and urgently request that you only read this letter when you pick up your mail in Os Kervo. In my haste, I accidentally included sensitive information in the letter postmarked the day before this one, and it is a danger to us all. Burn before reading. Seriously.

Sincerely,

K. Brekker

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dearest, brilliant Inej,

Thank you for burning the letter as per my last request. No, I’d rather not even allude to its contents. It is a relief to know it’s gone.  

Was it just me or did this last Ketterdam trip of yours go better than the previous? I hope you felt that way. For me, I’m thrilled enough to have held your hand. I can still feel the memory of you resting against my shoulder. You seemed happy. I have wanted that for you for so long.

We’re going to try your suggestions on the vault this time, later in the week. I find myself less motivated in the initial days after you depart. I imagine that’s not something you feel, and I understand. The water calls for you in ways it doesn’t call to me. We can’t all be seafarers.

This letter has been a little drearier, I’m realizing. Maybe it’s the rain. Maybe it’s my head. Maybe it’s because I miss you. An excessive supply of Ravkan toffees can only cure so much.  

I’ll make sure the next one's cheerier. This is all for now.  

Yours,

Kaz

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inej,

Well. Thanks for coming clean about the letter at least. I hope you’re happy with yourself.

What if there’d actually been something dangerous in it? What then?  

Who knows why I decided to sign it with that name. I was drunk and concussed and strung out on pain relievers. It wasn’t meant to be read.  

But go on -- enjoy the laugh at my expense.  

Honestly, I expected a little more consideration from you.

Kaz

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(no envelope, unsent)

My most cherished Devastation,  

I am not laughing. I didn’t laugh at the letter at all. It was never my intent to humiliate you. You have to know that I loved every word of it. It was like opening a plain box and finding a gem. You are rarely so free with your words and your feelings. If I could kiss the medik who intoxicated you, I would.

I’m keeping the letter. I’m savoring every word. Even the part about not eating my hair, which, while an unnecessary clarification, I do appreciate the effort to communicate. I’m dreaming of kissing and holding you, too. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Although, let’s not tell Wylan what you wrote. Your secret is safe with me. Your secrets are always safe with me.

You are my sweetest devastation, Kaz Rietveld. Please don’t be angry.

Yours,

Inej

P.S. – If you were hungover that day like you feared, you hid it alarmingly well. Or perhaps your usual grumpy demeanor lends itself well to masking hangovers. That’s not to say you were an ass. You were perfect. You were charming. I’m really bungling this. You were Kaz, and you were exactly as I needed you. Does that make sense? No, it doesn’t. I think I need to throw this out and try again.

(scribbled in the margins, roughly translated from Suli)

“BURN BEFORE READING”? DO YOU TRUST ME AT ALL?!

INEJ, YOU MASSIVE LOON

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inej, bravest and most daring of all Inejs,  

I can’t stay angry with you. Disregard the last letter. Do what you want with the ridiculous one. Let’s blame all of this on the damn mercher who hit me in the head. None of this would have happened if he could have just been decent and let me rob him.  

When are you coming home again?

Yours,

Kaz

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dearest Devastation,  

We are docking in Ketterdam next week. I’d rather not completely disregard the letter in question. Let’s speak of it in person then. Do you think you can do that?

And before you say no, I’m bringing toffees to sweeten the deal. So, consider carefully.  

Affectionately yours,

Inej

[januarytala]

I finished Return of The Thief!!!

Non-spoilery comments:

1. IT WAS SO GOOD! ARGHASLDFJ 2. If you’re anxious, don’t be. Trust MWT.

Now, for all the wild screaming into the void, because I need to get all these irrational, overwhelming feelings out before I hop on over at Sounis LJ and pretend to be smart.

SPOILERS! SPOILERS AHEAD. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS!

My “live-blog” notes:

- "So, so, so" is out. "Miras' golden balls" is in. - He has all the fighting spirit of an apricot... Like riding a slowly moving sofa - LOL, though I do admit, I find it ironic that Irene would give Gen a horse as a gift, when she's worried of a fall and her own brother died of a fall from horseback - Gen's apartments were Irene's brothers' - two Cleons! two Ions! - why is Attolian!Ion doing back with Gen? Didn't he go with Sophos? - princess Bythesea? LIke, "by the sea"? - SCARY GEN. SCARY GEN EVERYWHERE. SOPHOS! THE PENT! - okay let's back it up here - Sophos throwing water on Gen - GEN CLIMBING UP TO THE WINDOW!!! - ATTOLIA LAUGHING ABOUT IT ZOMG - A;LDFJA;SLDFJAS;LDJK THE PENT AND ATTOLIA AND EUGENIDES AND ALSDFJA;SLDFJKA;LSDFKJ ARRGGGHHHH THAT WAS PRECIOUS BUT ALSO MADDENING - like, here i was, thinking it's Gen who's in danger of getting snatched by a mistress; i was NOT expecting it the other way around - also, every passage i'm either "omg, gen's gonna die" or "nah, he'll be fine." it's so scary whenever pheris talks about the "nowadays" rather than telling the narrative - OMG AND THEN... AND THEN!!! RIGHT AFTER THE PENT SCENE... OMGGGGG THEY JUST DID IT IN THAT ROOM HUH - what is up with all these horrid ambassadors from everywhere?? (Except for the Braels. That one is a keeper)

- Ohh look Irene is doing needlework! Finally! A book where needlework isn't mocked. - Gen doing a somersault from Fryst! - Costissssss!!!!! - oh no! I forgot what Costis's arrival meant - aww, that kindly stable master. bless him! - Genny!!??? GENNY??!!!! I shall now call all my children with a Y at the end. Ireny! Heleny! Bunny can remain the same (though Sophy sounds cute too) - Kamet! - Yessss, Relius! Is back in action!! Also described as "very handsome" so it looks like Costis has competition here - tortured by the *king*?? Wasn't it Attolia who tortured Relius? - lol apparently nobody's ages are going to be revealed - "some unknown sailor fired without orders" something tells me this was planted - Teleus and Relius bro-time. yes i approve - whoa I see an elephant in the drawing!! - okay, was it ever mentioned that Eddisians have tattoos?? Or is this like the first time that was mentioned and everyone is as shocked as me??? - guys, imagine, the MoW. Tattoos!! - okay, so clearly Relius is a playboy?? and i never caught the hint?? - Helen and Irene girl talk, yessss - Fordad's nice. I hope he's not secretly a bad guy - OH NO OH NO Gen resigned!!! What will Irene do? She cannot rule alone again! - omg Gen is such a rebel. I feel for this poor boy. Let me hug him. Let his queen hug him. Somebody hug him! - OMG OMG OMG they're gonna go to Gen's bedroom in Eddis' library, right??? That tumblr post was right! - wooot oh man, Susa turned! whoaaaaa. Gen is so powerful. I am at AWE - asdfasdf neck kisses, hold me, i'm dying - w-w-wait.... so is Susa and Erondites still plotting together though?? Susa, you little snake, I had believed you! - no, Costis is leaving already??

- Costis and the whole comment about "his heart" isn't in his work XD. Though -- guys -- I'm gonna confess, ten years of manning my tiny crack-boat of Costistogiton, I'm a little heartbroken to know they've no hope - Teleus and Relius... Teleus and Relius???? THIS IS CANON GUYS??? But Relius is a playboy??? How does Teleus handle that??? ship name? telrel? leuslius? - Lol, the magus being sassy to his king - ohhhh all these glorious tidbits we're learning about the Eddisian royalty. Helen's mother had an affair with Gen's father? I would not have expected it of the MoW!!! He seemed too straitlaced and in love with his Thief wife - oh. no. eugenides robbed eugenides. i would have NEVER - STENIDESSSSS!!!! - Gen channeling some Edward Elric energy there about his height, huh? Never thought he was bothered by it - what happened to Gen's stomach illness? Is it now gone because the sand in his food is gone? - "Hilarion knew a disaster when he saw one looming right in front of him." OMGGG this is throwback to that Philo comment in KoA - poor Legarus, now the shining example of a man who did poorly in love - OH MY GOD! Teleus was the one who copied the poem for Relius??? - OH. MY. GOD. Irene is pregnant again. - asdlfjalsdkfj "I didn't become inappropriate on my own!" al;sdjfk these babies. - NO. NOOOO GEN DON'T GO AFTER NAHUSERESH!! - NOOOOO STENIDES NOOOOO We never even met you! (except for that one short story) - Hilarion noooooo - oh nooo Gen being tortured AGAIN noooo how much more can this poor boy handle?

- yess Gen the Thief again!! - Eugenides Eugenideides??? - Philoo nooooo! To think he might still be alive if he *had* fought in the battle instead of accompanying Gen to the trap. I am sore about this, ok? SORE - At least my boy Aris is still alive - nooo Fordad, how could you. I rooted for you - Irene crying. My baby - At least Petrus and Galen have finally teamed up - RELIUS NOOOOOOOO. I HATE FORDAD SO MUCH. SO MUCH - no no no I refuse to believe it. Relius is ALIVE hiding REALLY WELL. Shame on him for breaking poor Teleus's and Pheris's hearts - omg Sejanus. All the Pherises. Their poor dear mother, having to be married to the nasty old Erondites - you go, random horseman who took Pheris on your lap!! *I* say you survived the battle; you and Pheris just never crossed paths again - Noo MoW... =( - oh noo, Sejanus. =( All these people I'm mourning when I had hated them before. Though to be fair, Sejanus was really sympathetic at the end of KoA already - HEEECTTTOOORRR????? - LOL omgggg, Baron Anacritus dancing with his lover right after his wife??? the Nerve! - YESSSS,  WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT RELIUS?? Yeeaaaaaah!! Now he can go back to Teleus and Pheris, and dote on the prince and princess! - wait, where my boy ARIS at??? Please tell me he and Costis are still 2 peas in a pod!!! - ohhohhooh awwww that lovely short story!!! Irene was descended from a goddess too? Aww. And I suspected Alyta is also the water goddess from QoA. - I can't believe it. It's DONE. It was SO GOOD. I would be cherishing this last book for decades, y'all. It was SO GOOD.

[hillbillyoracle]

Witchblr (for the Most Part) Doesn't Have the Gatekeeping Problem It Thinks It Does

I've been seeing this crop up in more and more posts, bios even - anti-gatekeeping statements. And I've tried to keep an open mind about it, to go "well maybe I'm just not seeing what they're talking about" but as I run into actual posts where gatekeeping is claimed, I'm really starting to think that Witchblr might not fully understand what the term means and why it's essential we don't adopt it from the groups who need it to articulate a very specific experience, one that Witchblr isn't capable of having just within itself as far as I can tell.

I don't know for a fact where the term originates but my first introduction to the term gatekeeping was through the trans community. A friend of mine was having to see a therapist, weekly, for 6 months, before she could get her therapist to write a letter that would enable a doctor to prescribe her the hormones she wanted to take. She'd researched them thoroughly, knew the risks and benefits very well, was fully consenting - but was being denied a substance vitally necessary to her mental, physical, social, and emotional well being.

Gatekeeping usually best describes folks who are not a part of a group getting to decide who is a part of said group. In this example, cis doctors and therapists getting to decide who is trans enough to access medical care they need. This is especially potent when other folks outside the group have easier access to the means than the group being gatekept. Such as when cis women have an easier time accessing HRT than trans women. That doesn't seem to mirror what I'm seeing in Witchblr posts where the word is used.

The power behind gatekeeping requires a level of organization that Witchblr as a community doesn't seem to have. And what's being denied are not things that are vital to folks' material well being but rather recognition and validation. I understand the confusion on some level. When forces with organized power deny folks validation and recognition, it often comes with the denial of material and social goods they need to survive. But the individuals out here writing their blogs largely cannot withhold what is vital and necessary to your continued existence. While we all do better with support, not everyone owes us that support and it requires an exchange to make it sustainable. Reading someone's work, even regularly, doesn't fit the bill. In my book, if you're in need of validation and support, you go to those people who already do or cultivate new reciprocal relationships with people who will.

The few cases where I've seen gatekeeping used to describe intracommunal affairs is in cases where the community is not equally privileged. And while there are a mix of privileged and marginalized folks in the Witchblr community, as far I can tell there's not a cohesive group that is considered more acceptable by folks outside of Witchblr who, through that acceptability, are shielded from the full weight of community specific oppression and ostracize less acceptable folks from collective resources to maintain that sheild. The closest I've seen to this (that isn't rooted in other intersections of identity) is that folks who who maintain a psychological view - "It's all in our heads but isn't that still real?" - of deities, magic, and divination seem to get a better reception than those who believe in other models and sometimes distance themselves from folks who believe otherwise but even then...doesn't quite fit the bill.

For internet communities in particular, I have a very hard time seeing the structures in place needed to enforce gatekeeping. Someone doesn't agree that you are [insert term]y enough for the [insert term] group they're personally a part of? Well there are likely a bunch more groups already established who would accept you. You also have the power to create, grow, and maintain your own. You have both resources and agency.

What I think Witchblr's usage of gatekeeping more often speaks to is many folks crave the validation of other people. They stake their worth and well being on disproving people. When someone says "you're not a witch if you don't do xyz" = they don't stop to think about what power that person has over their power or their practice. They just react. Someone is wrong on the internet and it's perceived as a threat.

Part of the issue is that Witchblr has a tendency toward projecting a practice rather than actually practicing. It's been my experience that when you spend more of your time doing your practice and you have a deep sense of your foundations - whether someone agrees with you or not quickly becomes irrelevant. What so many of the conversations on gatekeeping show me is that many folks do not have a strong enough foundation in what they believe and what they practice to understand who they are and what's relevant to them. They're filling that void with external validation.

Where Witchblr's "gatekeeping" usage becomes outright destructive or even dangerous is with it's continual insistence that people articulating positions well grounded in research and primary records are some how gatekeeping other people they don't agree with. Previous education does help but acting like every person who can defend their positions with source texts automatically has a degree or several is weirdly classist to me.

I went to rural schools the vast majority of my life. I have multiple learning disabilities, struggled hard, and never completed a college degree despite attempting twice. Money and my health stopped me. I was working class and now unemployed. I did not have internet at home for most of my adult life (and only part of my childhood). Like I am so close to the examples I see thrown around in these conversations and yet I have been told that by citing reliable sources that I'm elitist and classist.

Something we don't talk enough about as a community is that expertise has a lot less to do with privilege and a lot more to do with sacrifice. I chose to spend what free time I could practicing and researching. I could have spent that time watching Netflix, hanging out with friends, going hiking, etc. While it was also out of poverty, I chose not to accumulate things in my home that would take a lot of time to care for. I had a second hand hospital mattress on the floor and that was it - that was a sacrifice of comfort. I did not have a pet for the majority of the time I did my most intense studying so I could focus on my work - that was sacrifice. I did not have internet at home, largely because I couldn't afford it, but I embraced it as it created the ability to download a work at a public connection and take it home and sit with it deeply so that I couldn't reach out for other people's comments to filter it through. I only maintained romantic relationships that were low energy input and were thus less satisfying or close so that I could focus on my work - that was a sacrifice.

All this is to say - you don't see half the sacrifices people who have a level of expertise make. There's an assumption of ease where there absolutely should not be one. No one is asking you to sacrifice like that. No one is saying you're lesser for not making that sacrifice. What folks are saying is respect the sacrifices they made to get the knowledge they're trying to share with you. They're often trying to give you what they had to pay with a good chunk of their lives for. Take it or leave it, don't attack them. It is not gatekeeping to recognize that, where spirituality overlaps with history and other topics, there are correct answers that can be found if you look. That's just reality.

Also learning on your own is not the same as having access to an education or to the internet even. Our ancestors did not always have people to study from. Practices like spirit work, divination, and magic developed independently all over the world. There were plenty of interrupted lineages in there too. I think people forget that you can learn these skills through experimentation and observation. People literally can't keep you from this path of learning. Whether you choose to take it is up to you. Whether it's worth the sacrifice - only you can say.

So vast majority of ways I’m seeing people use the word gatekeeping just do not meet the criteria. Watering that word down robs it of it’s ability to name a very specific threat which is especially damaging to use trans folks who use it to call out medical discrimination. The vast majority of instances I see it used in are where someone is expressing an opinion. They may be wildly off base but as long as they’re not spreading truly harmful ideologies, they're entitled to it. Different opinions are not gatekeeping - they’re a natural part of any community and we have to have a level of tolerance for that. That discomfort you feel is an invitation to meet your shadow, understand your discomfort, and prioritize what actually moves your practice forward.

[whatthefuuuuuuccckkkk]

okay this is my last post I know I'm being very annoying and I hate to clog the tag but I just have to scream into the void for a while if you disagree or you're annoyed with me please just scroll past this rant thank you

- the hitman plot. god. we all hate that shit. what I realllllly hate is how long and drawn out it is. should've been one episode tops, like when dean tried it. I want to say, that obviously it's not gonna work bcz it would be stupid to kill off the character carrying the entire show, but at this point maybe they are gonna kill him off??? idfk. maybe it's a punishment for all the people (everyone) who like him. truthfully the whole "murder is our only way out of this" attitude is disappointing and seemingly out of character for all of the girls. Boomer attacked annie and they let him fuckin live. They knew he was a fuckin rapist piece of shit, and a regular piece of shit too, but couldn't kill someone. But apparently killing someone beth, at one point, felt some typa way about...smh..apparently that is A ok and they don't even explore other options or feel the least bit guilty?? even when they "mourned" boomer it was more about marion than him. But rio and his whole ass innocent child are not a thought at all??? Wild. Truly. Also....what do they think will happen?? If I were a gang leader's right hand the first person I would check upon seeing my boss get murdered would probably be the person who tried to murder him last time lmao. Do they really think they would get away with it? Even if they didnt get caught, they wouldnt be off the hook. Surely mick would just keep things going, with even less leeway. And what happens when their illegal activities bite them in the ass when Rio is gone? Who are they gonna blame everything on? Who is gonna clean up their mess? No one. And this whole "I'm not doing it, wait yes I am, wait no I'm not, wait I'm gonna do it" thing the hitman is doing is...not it. I'm assuming were gonna get an explanation about how he knew that this was a crime of passion (lol)

-beth beth beth......you know there is a theory floating around that she has serious ptsd and I actually would love to see that explored but that shit ain't happening lol. I'm tired of feeling like I'm analyzing her character. At what point is it too much. She's hard to read but I think it has crossed the line over complex and ventured into poor characterization. She's gotten chances and chances and I'm tired. And dean. God I'm tired. I feel like all season I've been watching beth do the same thing, play good wifey, risk her (and Annie's and Ruby's) life by doing stupid shit..and that's basically it. Face some fckn consequences for your actions please. Take some responsibility. I feel like the show is showing us inklings of...something...bubbling underneath the surface but it's not our job to fill in the blanks or interpret shit. I do not work for nbc. I'm not getting paid for this. What is this girl thinking trying to get rio to invest in hot tubs (bless her calling dean an idiot. fuck this show for making him suddenly a good salesman) while trying to kill him. Does she think he dies and suddenly she owns it?? Makes zero sense. Also unpopular opinion i dont like that she caused a scene with the pool ball. Like....of course he isnt listening to you....you shot him...3 times....then stole from him....and have been screwing him over repeatedly.

-dean just....no. I understand that beth has so much going on in her life right now that divorce isn't exactly on her mind and dean is the last trace she has left of a normal life so shes holding onto it for dear life.....actually no. I do not know if any of that is actually true or if I'm just interpreting wrong. Because the subtext and editing and parallels and all that would be fine and dandy but not when that's all the show is at this point. If dean cheating yet again is not gonna make beth leave him, nothing will. I want his screentime to be 30 seconds and nothing more.

-im just not invested in the boland children. Annie and ruby have both struggled real bad, but beth, the one in the deepest, has 4 children who are somehow unaffected by this?? Not to mention the whole divorce, wait never mind, oh look a gang leader hanging out with mommy again, oh look our house is empty, type stuff happening. Beth's kids should be going through it but for some reason they arent? Maybe it's because child labor laws or something lol.

- rio. At this point I'm rooting for him for than anything. But I genuinely do not know why he hasnt killed beth. She's proven herself to be more of a liability than an asset and I just cannot understand why he hasnt killed her. Unless it's the whole "feelings" route, which wouldve made him look dumb, but made sense based on what we were given. This is actually the direction I thought the season was going but now it just seems like he is a bad businessman lol. Obviously she cant die for the sake of the show, but its like they didnt even try to make it make sense. He definitely knows about the hitman btw. I dont really blame him for anything he's done with beth so far. He robbed her in retaliation. He had to cut her off when she started acting shady. 🤷‍♀️ he let's her get away with too much tbh. It's a shame that this character isnt being utilized. Its like they are banking on this mysterious aura to keep working, but we are 3 seasons in and it's a little old now. I personally think that they just don't know what to do with him now. Also can I point out how dumb he looks showing beth that he is doing business at the carwash, why would he give her more information than she needs when he is suspicious of her? I cant tell if I was happy with how unphased he looked about her outburst or if I wish he checked her.

-mick. Did his side plot with beth die? How does it seem like this show simultaneously moves through plots every episode but is also stuck in the same one for the entire season? I also think mick is not being utilized. As funny as it is for him to be a built in 3rd wheel all the time, they could do so much more. Like can you imagine if beth mouthed off or fucked up and mick checked her? The possible ways a plot like that could go...untapped potential.

-ruby. Ah...I remember when I thought her and stan's fight was dragging for too long. Miss those days. See even tho ruby and stan seem to have the same issue over and over it's not the same story. Pen cap, new job, sarah stealing, all the same fight, but with different stories. And it really seems like Ruby's always going through it but I appreciate the variety. Stan's storyline has been interesting but I dont know how much it relates to the central plot. Sarah....great. that actress is so talented and even tho shes an attitude machine (what preteen is not) i just love her scenes. Harry seems to be missing a lot. The hills are the only part I seem to enjoy anymore. Really wish the show would explore why ruby seems to be the one who keeps getting caught up with the law...I wonder what it could be....what is different about her..hm...

- annie. Backtracked so much. Wish she had a single plot that didnt revolve around men. Now shes trying to cheat on her GED. Where's the snark? Where's the wit? It seems like all she is now is a codependent insecure mess. And I'm tired of this fuckass therapist. I thought her study montage was gonna end in a "she didnt need anyone but family (:" lesson but it did not for whatever reason. I thought by bringing a therapist into the show it was gonna give us more of a look at Annie's and Beth's upbringing and relationship. Or help annie work through her issues, the boomer thing too. Or maybe lead to Beth's ptsd diagnosis. Therapy could've helped move the plot forward or help the characters grow, but it's doing the opposite of that. If its not contributing to the main plot, what is its purpose? To give annie yet another terrible love interest?

To summarize....I hate it here.

[bemused-writer]

Spirits and Personhood in Dragon Age

I’ve been sitting on this idea of spirits vs personhood for a while now (i.e. months) and the way Dragon Age: Inquisition portrays the dilemma. I have a lot of frustrations with how spirits are portrayed in this game, so I figured I would take some time to look over the question the game posits: Do spirits qualify as people or not?

Full disclosure: I opted for Cole to remain as a spirit in the game and while I criticize the idea of making Cole human this isn’t a judgment on how other players are playing the game. It’s more a critique of how the writing addressed the dilemma to begin with. Also, this post meanders … a lot. It has kind of become a general post about spirits in Dragon Age. I haven’t read the books, so if anything here is completely misinformed or if there’s info I’m lacking, feel free to let me know.

With that out of the way let’s get into it! At a certain point of the game we have to help Cole decide whether he will be more of a spirit or more of a human. I really wish we’d gotten a chance to just ask Cole what it was he wanted at some point. Granted, at the time he really just wanted to murder a guy and he very well could have turned into a demon afterwards, so I suppose that wasn’t an option.

So instead of the ideal, we’re given two viewpoints on the matter to fill the void: Solas’s and Varric’s.

Solas, our resident expert on spirits, believes it’s important that Cole accept himself for who he is. This way the ideal he aspires to, compassion, won’t be corrupted.

Varric thinks Cole should have a chance at being a person and phrases it to Solas as such: “All right. I get it. You like spirits. But he came into this world to be a person. Let him be one.” It kind of makes it sound like Solas’s appreciation of spirits is akin to a fondness for cats.

More to the point, Varric sees Cole remaining a spirit as robbing him of any chance to be a real person. But why? Why would being a spirit automatically make Cole less of a person?

The simple answer, at least for Varric, is that spirits simply aren’t people to begin with. I think Varric’s opinion about spirits is similar to a lot of people of Thedas: they’re concepts and they’re frequently dangerous. In other words, Varric doesn’t see spirits as people because most people of Thedas don’t see them as people. It’s the dominant opinion.

In DA2 Anders was one of the few people who didn’t follow this simple logic—he saw Justice as a friend and that’s the reason he did so much for him in the first place—but no one in DA2 got a chance to interact with Justice one-on-one. They just saw him as Anders’s weird, alternate personality that was causing trouble. I suppose most of the Awakening cast also saw Justice as a person; they spent a great deal of time with him after all, but none of them are people Varric has met.

The one other person from DA2 who I think sees spirits as people is Merrill. She said they’re like people: good and bad. It’s why she doesn’t refer to the bad ones as “demons.” You just need to exercise some caution like you would with anyone else.

What all of this means is that Varric can only come at this from the perspective of someone who has never really dealt with spirits, never really thought of their personhood, and the people he knows who did are those he feels made extremely poor life decisions (particularly Anders).

So, that’s Varric’s background on the situation but he has good intentions. He wants Cole to have the freedom of being a person, but the basis he uses for his argument is faulty. Cole isn’t worried about whether or not he’s a person (I kind of doubt this is a dilemma Cole is even having), he’s worried about becoming a demon. So, when Varric says “Cole came to this world to be a person,” he’s not actually correct. According to Cole: “I came through to help … and I couldn’t. So I became him.” Cole’s motivations are those of a spirit trying to fulfill his purpose. It’s very similar to other spirits we’ve seen in previous games.

For example, if we look at the spirit of faith from DA:O we see that Cole (Compassion) is quite similar to her. We never really met Faith properly but we saw her work through Wynne throughout the game. She helped preserve Wynne’s life, actually resurrected her when she died fighting a demon in the Circle Tower, and apparently watched over her for her entire life since she was a child. Faith cared for Wynne so much she allowed herself to weaken over time to preserve her. I think Compassion wanted to do something like this for the human Cole but wasn’t strong enough to sustain it.

Cole also some similarities to Justice in Awakening: Justice was trying to fulfill his purpose by helping the spirits of the dead move on by righting a wrong. He inadvertently comes to the mortal world and is trapped within a corpse.

However, Cole purposefully enters the mortal world in an effort to fulfill his own purpose, much like Faith. For him, his purpose was easing the suffering of a man trapped and forgotten.

Things get a little confusing at this point of the story. Did Cole possess a dead body the way Justice did or didn’t he? I would be inclined to say yes, he has, but Solas doesn’t even seem to think this is a possibility: “Cole, this man cannot have killed you. You are a spirit. You have not even possessed a body.”

Hasn’t he though? How else could he “become him?”

I’ll admit it doesn’t make complete sense to say he’s possessing a body, much as I’m inclined to think he is. The body isn’t decomposing in the way Justice’s was. And yet, Cole creating his own flesh and blood body all on his own doesn’t make a whole lot of sense either, so I’m a little lost on this one. I guess the game wants me to assume this is what happened but I’m not entirely convinced. There’s no precedent and it’s never fully explored. It’s simply taken as a given.

Continuing on, Cole says this to the man he wants to kill: “You forgot. You locked me in the dungeon in the Spire, and you forgot, and I died in the dark!” It’s followed by “He killed me. He killed me. That’s why it doesn’t work. He killed me and I have to kill him back.” Whoever the original Cole was, he’s long gone and Compassion misses him and wants to right that wrong. His desire is still firmly within a spirit’s domain, but it’s becoming perverted. Hence, the danger of becoming a demon.

Now, Solas can be closed-minded about a lot of things (so many things...) but when it comes to spirits he is refreshingly open-minded. He sees them as people albeit different types of people with different problems and aspirations. He befriends them and talks to them regularly and Cole is facing a problem that only affects spirits: the possibility he could become a demon.

This is something Varric refuses to even consider. He thinks Cole is just a step away from becoming a human not a demon, and as such he needs to sort things out like a human. He phrases it like this:

Varric: But he isn’t a spirit, is he? He made himself human, and humans change. They get hurt, and they heal. He needs to work it out like a person.

Solas: You would alter the essence of what he is.

The game shows us making Cole human is a valid way of doing things--neither path results in a devastated Cole at least--but is it the right way of doing things? 

For me, that’s the big point here. Is it all right to change who someone is so completely simply because you can’t fathom them being “real” any other way? 

We could easily flip the script, of course, and say Solas is being closed-minded as well. He doesn’t think it’s possible for Cole to be a “person” in the way Varric does, thus preventing him from any kind of change whether it benefits him or not. But he also isn’t dismissing Cole as an individual just because he’s not mortal, and I think that’s key here.

Of course, Varric thinks Cole changed himself already but to me this shows his lack of experience with spirits. It also shows the game itself seems to have forgotten the depth they’ve given previous spirits, e.g. Justice.

I’m not sure why the game seems to think spirits behave strangely and can wipe themselves clean of their memories over and over. This was never something Justice needed to do and no one ever disputed the fact he was a person. In Awakening Justice was single-minded but he was willing to look at things from different angles when necessary and he grew as an individual. He didn’t “become a person” and he certainly didn’t stop being a spirit. Every single issue he faces in DA2 is because he’s a spirit living in the mortal world.

Also, if Cole can create his own flesh and blood body (presumably) why couldn’t Justice? Why don’t other spirits? How does this work? How--???

*ahem* The problem with the whole setup is that it didn’t need to be framed this way. Cole is already a person. The question isn’t “Should he be a person or should he be a spirit?” The question is “Is this guy mortal (and how did that happen if so?) and should we treat him, medically speaking, like a mortal or a spirit?”

Everyone except for Varric seems to be in agreement that if Cole isn’t treated like a spirit he will become a demon if he kills a human out of vengeance. Varric doesn’t actually address this; he’s treating the situation as if it’s not even a possibility. According to him, Cole is angry and depressed and he needs to sort through his emotions. 

The game doesn’t let us see what would have happened if Cole had killed that man. Would he have become a demon or wouldn’t he have? Ultimately, that is the only way of getting an actual answer to the question of “is he human or is he spirit?”

Also, Varric didn’t even stop to consider what kind of spirit Cole might have been:

Solas: As the young man starved to death in a dungeon, his pain caught the attention of a spirit… Likely one of compassion.

Varric: Compassion?

Solas: An uncommon spirit, certainly… and all too fragile, when its efforts to help proved to be in vain.

And if you do make him a spirit Varric says: “Have you talked to him since? Have you heard what he sounds like?”

Solas: He sounds like a spirit.

I’m going to take this as an opportunity to disagree with both of them essentially. Cole does not sound like any of the spirits we’ve met previously. They all talked in a far more natural manner. Also, Varric is acting like Cole died, which is kind of unnecessary.

Varric: “He could have been a person.”

Solas: “Possibly. Would that have made him happier, child of the stone?”

Cole doesn’t feel like he’s lost anything and has this to say on returning to being more of a spirit: “There was someone. Before. He was my friend. But he didn’t know what I was. When he found out, he changed. I lost him. You found out, but you didn’t change, didn’t make me change. You let me be this, be more. Thank you for helping me find this again. For believing in me. You don’t know what it means.”

He also says, “I’m me, more me than I was. I can care and comfort but keep clean, no shackles. They feel, forgive, forget, and I am free. Finally. Thank you.”

There’s an awful lot of talk about forgetting though and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Is this something only spirits of compassion need to do? Cole seems to think it’s something spirits need to do in general, to avoid becoming demons, but could this be a belief he’s picked up from humans? That the only way to avoid being a demon is by being a perfect version of a spirit?

We could use this as an explanation for how Justice became a demon (Vengeance) but we also hear so little from Justice in DA2 that I’m not wholly convinced he became a demon in the first place. To me, it always seemed more like Anders was letting his own fear of that happening run away with him. 

When we see Justice in the Fade he acts exactly as you’d expect a spirit of justice to: concerned for the welfare of others, not a huge fan of demons, wants to help. The only other time we really hear from him is if you’re rivalmancing Anders and he thinks you’re confusing Anders unnecessarily. And honestly, rivalmances aren’t exactly healthy, so I’m inclined to think Justice was defending his friend. The entire rivalmance made Anders more and more off kilter: he has more missing time and he claims to be losing control more readily. I think the game wants me to assume this is a more honest take on his relationship with Justice but to me it indicates how stressful his relationship with Hawke was more than anything else.

The only instance where Justice really seemed like a demon to me was when he became enraged at being called a demon. And to me that seemed like a very human response—perhaps, like Anders, he is also terrified of becoming a demon. Perhaps, in their merge, his responses are closer to Anders’s. Regardless, this was a singular instance, a bad one to be sure, but not enough to actually draw any real conclusions from.

Getting back to Cole, I’m not entirely sure whether he’s forgetting as much as he says he is. If he had, would he have any idea what the Inquisitor even meant when she asked if he could tell her about the real Cole? I would say no, but he knows exactly what she meant and claims he forgot it. 

Perhaps he doesn’t forget so much as he makes the details fuzzier. If all spirits went around forgetting everything none of them would be able to interact with humans and we know for a fact they do.

But let’s take a look at Cole when he’s human. If we do that he’s happy, but a little more unsure of himself. He has more pronounced regrets, has fewer abilities, seems more “normal.”

Cole: That was enough for me. Now they remember, and I’m not sure… Ah. (chuckles)

Inquisitor: Cole?

Cole: I told you about Rhys, the mage who could see me. My friend. My only friend, for a long time. Evangeline showed me that templars could be kind, but even she…” (sighs)

Inquisitor: Cole, if this is troubling, we don’t have to talk about it.

Cole: Gentle. You watch me walk into darkness over and over, and you always worry. Thank you. But this isn’t about them. It’s about… When I found out I wasn’t human, when I grew, I lost Rhys. I lost my only friend. That’s why I was scared about letting all these people see me. That’s why I laughed.

Inquisitor: You’re laughing at yourself?

Cole: Yes. This world taught me that changing means losing your friends. But now I know that doesn’t have to be true. I have enough self to know that what I felt was foolish. Isn’t it wonderful? I might like being human. What do you think I’ll learn next?”

It’s a good message and I’m glad Cole realizes what happened wasn’t his fault and that he doesn’t need to erase himself from people’s minds to be good. I just don’t understand why this isn’t something he could have learned as a spirit as well.

I’d say the main difference between the two routes is that as a spirit, he speaks of freedom and of being able to better help others; he thanks the Inquisitor for not being like his last friend by forcing him to change. 

As a human, he says he was foolish to think he was destined to always lose his friends and that it might not be true now that he’s changed. The implication is that he can only keep friends now that he’s changed. “I have enough self to know that what I felt was foolish.”

What that really means is that, even as a spirit, he was having very real, very “human” doubts. And this path is saying that the only reason he can now maintain those friendships is because he’s changed himself so completely. It’s not said directly, but it is the implication.

Ultimately, the game never outright says whether spirits are people and the whole thing is left to the player’s interpretation, but to me Cole seems a touch more downtrodden as a human. He’s now faced with all the typical problems that plague humans and he doesn’t have that barrier that allows him to help without it hurting.

Some would say that’s a good thing. For humans, it can be. But for a spirit… And once again, I’m right back where I started. Why is the game insisting we use the same, human logic on things that aren’t human in any form?

This is very similar to the problem I had with Star Trek: TNG insisting Data needed an emotion chip when, to me, Data was already feeling things. He was just feeling things in a different capacity than a human. But why should that automatically be viewed as lesser or worse?

All right, to finish off I’ll go over one last tidbit that relates to Anders and, indirectly, Cole. It’s a conversation from the DLC, Jaws of Hakkon:

Augur: Every mage in the hold is made one with the gods until they’re strong enough.

Inquisitor: You let spirits possess your mages on purpose?

Augur:  What better teacher than one woven from magic? The spirits in the hold have helped us in this way for hundreds of years. Once a mage masters their powers, their teacher departs, duty ended. Unless the mage is weak.

Inquisitor: What happens to these “weak” mages?

Augur: Their teachers stay with them and the other gods watch them both, so neither soul turns sick. If one does sicken, or the mage stands in risk of harming the hold… One day, they do not wake in their bed. It is very sad. It is what must be done.

Solas: It is kinder than what happens in many mage Circles.

Cole: You give them every chance, spirits watchful, wary, waiting until you’re both sure. It’s always cold in the hut then.

Augur: Who is this one? He is blood and bone, but there are bonds about his form.

Cole: Yes. I am compassion. I know that now. I want to be here.

Okay. You know, how DA2 made a big deal out of Anders merging with Justice and how this was bad and couldn’t be undone, etc. etc.?

Guess that was wrong! 8D With this one, singular conversation we’ve learned that the Avvar people have been doing that exact thing for centuries, have an entire ceremony, and sometimes even allow the merge to be permanent as long as no one starts going off the rails.

Think about how much more relaxed Anders might have been if he realized he hadn’t damned himself as completely as everyone says he has and, even more importantly, there’s a way to separate them both? And this isn’t even the first time separation has been possible??? In DA:O we can help free a boy from possession by separating him from a demon by using tons of lyrium and sending someone into the Fade. Spirit/mortal interactions are possible and they don’t have to be as devastating as DA2 made it out to be.

So, why is DA2 so determined to act like this is the worst possible scenario? It isn’t! They’ve shown us at least twice now that things could be rectified!

But how is this important for Cole? There are two things from that conversation that stand out:

1)   The Avvar have no idea how Cole exists either. They’ve never seen a spirit take on its own physical form, so who knows how this is possible.

2)  Cole approves of what the Avvar do and how they handle spirits merging with humans. Imagine if he ever met Anders? It would be utterly fascinating. They both have pretty odd circumstances (although Cole’s are apparently much stranger) and they could sort out so many things. I really need to see this.

All in all, I just want to see more spirits in the game and I want them to receive better treatment, I suppose. This might be the main thing Solas and I kind of agree on. XD I also feel like that, seeing as the game as built up a couple character that are involved with spirits in some way, we should explore this a lot more and see what can be done. And I also think, at some point, Thedas is going to have to acknowledge their personhood.