#how this scene went in a nutshell
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stellanslashgeode · 2 months ago
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Okay, so. Star Wars has all these concepts that weirdo New Left boomer George Lucas tosses in there but because of storyteller limitations it would kill the plot to fully explain them all, so later writers have to come in for the spin-off materials and bat clean-up to fully explain all this crazy crap. And I would like to talk about something that made me actively angry at first, but which I now adore. And that is the Naboo.
So much about Naboo culture is infuriating from a logical standpoint. They have a queen, okay. A constitutionally elected queen? Weird, okay. Don't know why they'd do that but... She's FOURTEEN? Excuse me? Is it a ceremonial thing or, oh no it's not? Legit head of state? Why does she dress like that? Why does she talk like that? I'm so tired.
Here's the explainer. Let me go cook.
There's this joke in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy where the last living human goes back in time and finds out humans aren't actually from Earth, but an alien culture that tricked all the middle managers, pedantic weirdos, and other infuriating folk into getting in a space arc which they gave the wrong evacuation coordinates to simply get rid of them. The Naboo are like this but they're all artists and poets and hippies, but like classy ones. They fled their home planet during a war and crash landed on Naboo, then did a colonism to the Gungans because, hey, they were fleeing a war and it was do or die. This spiritual rot in their creation story is later rectified by Padmé. But it's super important to their cultural psychology. They're hippies, but will subjugate if needed. They are "peaceful" but I guarantee you every single one of them has a tiny extremely shiny pistol up their sleeve and they will draw down on you if backed against a wall.
The scene that I think says it all is at the end of Phantom Menace when Padmé is surrounded by Nute Gunray and his droids, they've got her dead to rights, but Sabé her double creates a distraction so the queen can make it to her throne. This one piece of furniture is the Naboo in a nutshell. It's richly carved with artistic details, it has two seats to the side so the queen's handmaidens can read the lips of people in the back of the room and use hand signals to communicate with the queen while she can remain focused mostly on who is speaking to her. It is hundreds of years old. And it has a secret compartment in the armrest that is FULL OF GUNS. Layers of artistic opulence hiding their true intentions.
The Naboo were created to be backwards compatible with Princess Leia. They're compassionate pacifists, but they will shot you if needed.
Why do they elect teenage royalty? It's a little creepy. It's giving "age of consent is emotional maturity". It makes no sense.
The explanation they give outsiders is they want youthful idealism untainted by cynicism. What they don't tell you is that they take kids with stated interest in politics and put them in an advanced highly competitive Leadership Academy which is like Model UN mixed with Battle Royale. Well, they don't kill each other but it's intense. It's like what the clones went though just all diplomacy training and tea ceremonies all the time. Which is crazy but so Naboo.
Oh, and all the delegates for the royalty election run using pseudonyms for security. Imagine voting for the head of state but you can't run a background check. It's so crazy.
Why does Padmé dress like that? Well, fashion is one of Naboo's major industries so it's like she's wearing the entire Fall line catalog at once. To advertise not only the talent of her people, but to show how much they favor her. BUT that dress has multiple layers of padding and resin armor. And aforementioned spots for those little silver blasters. And it breaks up her silhouette making her harder to shoot. And it's so elaborate you pay more attention to the crazy dress and not if the person wearing it is really the queen or a decoy. Everything about Naboo is like this.
Queen Amidala has that weird accent while Padmé does not. Because all her handmaidens helped create the accent together so they all can imitate it. It's like if you gave girls at a rowdy sleepover the job of federal counterintelligence. That's what they came up with.
The handmaidens wear colorful identical clothes so you can't tell them apart, hoods to partially conceal their identity, and they don't wear the queen's fancy makeup. So one of them can be the queen and spy on people in the audience. Because the Naboo don't trust shit for shit.
Their public face is so silly to hide all the truly weird shit they do behind the scenes.
They use their reputation as artist hippies to conceal multiple layers of subterfuge and disguise their methods of self defense and assuage their paranoia due to wartime trauma and their disturbing colonial past. All of them are completely off their rocker even by Star Wars standards. And I love them so much. They put on a show so everyone thinks they have them figured out but what they have going on is far more weirder and more sinister than meets the eye. You know how catty, neurotic, and competitive art school students stereotypically are? Yeah, planet art student. Love them!
There you go, @charmwasjess
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cbeargyu · 12 days ago
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𝙉𝙀𝙀𝘿 𝙏𝙊 𝙆𝙉𝙊𝙒 ― 𝑗. 𝑗𝑎𝑒ℎ𝑩𝑱𝑛
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summary: after you tell a lie, there's no turning back, y/n doesn't know what to do now that she told the whole frat that she slept with the best boxer in college: jung jaehyun.
pairing: college boxer!jaehyun x student afab!reader
genre: strangers to friends w/ benefits to lovers, smut, angst (y/n is such a fool), college life.
wc: 27,4k
warnings: this fic is slightly inspired in manhwa peach sorbet. humor, cursing, breeding kink, fingering, blowjob, kissing, sex scenes in a nutshell💀, smoking, alcohol.
part ii here.
playlist: ✧ need to know ; doja cat ✧ tio ; zayn ✧ entertainer ; zayn ✧ common ; zayn ✧ rear view ; zayn ✧ you wish you knew ; zayn ✧ swim ; chase atlantic
notes: i hope you enjoy it and sorry for my bad english T-T english isn't my first language so pls forgive me if i had some grammar errors bc i'm still learning😁🙏 and yeah i love zayn 😭
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“being a virgin in high school isn’t a big deal, y/n” that’s what your friend, kang saeran said, at that moment she was a virgin as well, but once both of you graduated, she slept with her boyfriend. damn liar. you thought because nowadays you were in your sophomore year in college and still nothing of action.
yeah, you had some boyfriends in the past, but never took the next step and had sex, maybe because you were afraid or because you thought that you wanted to be a virgin until you got married to the man you loved
 how wrong you were.
none of your childhood friends went to the same college as you. that feels like starting from zero again. as a birthday present, your parents rented a small room for you close to the college, so you can become more independent and have your own space and avoid all the troubles with the roomies at the college sorority. 
at some point, you were excited, because you started to imagine all the privacy you would have and that meant one thing; have sex whenever you like. but the sad reality was other, you were always busy with school tasks and barely had time to hang out with friends, also add that you just went on some dates but nothing else. It’s like men weren’t interested in you in a sexual way, even in a romantic way. but, come on! you were pretty, funny, and have great music taste, what the hell is wrong with them then? 
“when did you lose your virginity, y/n?” you almost choked with your bubble tea when jinsol asked that without any filter, as if it were anything at all, maybe it was for her, but you
 damn, you were a fucking virgin as hell. 
“perhaps she’s a virgin” jungeun mutters and giggled, you gave her a dirty look. 
“shut up, and nope, i’m not a virgin.” you lied, staring at your friend with confidence in your eyes, you thought your performance was too good because both girls looked at you expectantly for you to continue with your revelation. “was with my ex-boyfriend from high school, we had sex after the graduation party, on the couch at his parents' house” jinsol frowned and jungeun couldn't help but let out a laugh, although she tried to cover her mouth when jinsol nudged her, sorry, she said biting her lips as if she was avoiding at all costs not to laugh at you.
“wow
 too much information if i can tell
” it was what jinsol said, on the inside, you were dying of shame, why should you have stuck your tongue out and said that? besides, you were unintentionally exposing how kang saeran lost her virginity. at least they didn't know her, so the ethics can be screwed if they want to. 
“well
 it’s the first time i've told you this so
 i’m sorry if it sounds weird to you”
“it did” jungeun mocked of you once again. 
“bitch, you’re starting to piss me off” you pointed your finger at jungeun in a threatening manner, maybe you were getting defensive, but you had to protect your secret from now on. "why don't you tell us how you lost your virginity?" 
since then, you and your friends have talked little to nothing about her active sex life at the moment. now and then, jungeun tells them that she will go on a date with some random dude on tinder and won't return to the sorority until the next day. she doesn't care about the sanctions she receives. jinsol is a beauty in the social science department and most of the guys have a huge crush on her, however, she recently started dating qian kun, an exchange boy in the music department, while you, well, you are in good health and doing well in your studies.
summer days are coming and that means summer vacations, you could return to your parent’s house or maybe apply for a job near the college. today was friday and your first class started at 9:30 am, it's still early so you decided to make a little stop at Starbucks on your way to the college. you ordered the usual; iced mocha. you took a seat near the window while checking your instagram feed, behind you were sitting some girls from the same department as you, you recognized one of them as park sooyoung, one of the college goddesses, she was barely wearing makeup and still looked too beautiful, her lips were pigmented in a strong red that stood out with her milky skin. she was laughing with her friends, you didn't avoid paying attention to the other's conversation when you heard the word sex.
“is he really as good as they said? i heard he can last up to five rounds in bed” 
“it was spectacular, have you heard that phrase that says “he would makes you see stars”? well, it was like that” sooyoung covered both cheeks realizing the blush that was appearing on her face. the other girls squealed and congratulated her.
“i heard about a rumor going around the frat that said that if you sleep with him, it’s 100% sure you’ll cum within five minutes” they squealed again and sooyoung kept nodding.
what you didn’t understand was, who the fuck are they talking about? thousands of images came to your mind, trying to give shape to the man they were describing, how prominent or spectacular he must be to have such abilities as if he were a god or something.
“i’m telling you girls, having sex with the leader of the boxing club was the best thing i could have done, besides, i would like to go out on a date with him, he’s not only good in bed, he’s also very attractive, at least i want to see him once again” that was what sooyoung said with a smile on her face, everything about her seemed to glow, is that the result of a good fuck? 
you thought about the boxing club- you didn’t even know there was a boxing club at the college, to begin with, let alone know who the leader is, but he must be someone good-looking as the rumors said. you didn’t give the matter any more thought and headed to the college, straight to your first class.
but your mind wouldn’t leave you alone and started to imagine all the possible faces and bodies that could be assimilated by someone handsome knows how to fuck and who, undoubtedly, must have a good body because he’s a boxer. you wish for a moment you hadn’t listened to that conversation that had nothing to do with you. oh, you did. in the end, you would regret it, because that night, your friends would invite you to a frat party to celebrate the arrival of summer and when you had too much alcohol in your system, the others decided it was a great idea to play “truth or dare” with an empty soju bottle that was there.
it was the turn of taeyong from the psychology department to turn the bottle, at this point you felt too dizzy, however, you knew how to hide it very well, next to you was jinsol, who was muttering something that you couldn’t understand well, maybe she was saying you to go to sleep or go to the restroom to vomit.
you opened your eyes in surprise when the tip of the bottle pointed at you, taeyong’s corners rose wickedly, and everyone was waiting expectantly for his question, you knew he would say something stupid as was common, something silly to make fun of you. but, even in this state, you weren’t going to allow it.
“who was the last person you had sex with?” that felt like a bucket of cold water on you, everyone laughed at the question, as direct and blatant as lee taeyong.
“what kind of question is that, hyung? we were asking about our kinks” jungwoo tapped taeyong’s shoulder in a friendly manner as if he could feel the tension in the air from the question.
and the thing is, you hadn’t done anything wrong to taeyong to make him dislike you like that, you just refused to go on a date with him because he wasn’t your type and he kept bragging about how he had slept with all the girls in the department.
“what’s wrong? you won’t answer? of course! your only last time must have been when you lost your virginity on your in-laws’ couch, or so jungeun said” taeyong let out a cruel-sounding laugh, everyone was completely silent, he was starting to cross the line.
you quickly looked at jungeun, the only one capable of telling taeyong that, she was choking on her beer when taeyong revealed that. “i swear i didn’t tell him everything!” was her only excuse as she wiped it off the beer with the back of her hand. the feeling of disappointment and humiliation was starting to rise in your chest.
the others tried to defuse the heated moment, taeyong looked at you with victory in his eyes, as if he had achieved his goal. but you were too stubborn to leave it at that, so you firmly answered his question:
“since you are so interested to know, i slept with
” your mind was not thinking clearly, you barely knew how to formulate an understandable sentence, you looked around and felt that long minutes passed, and taeyong staring at you coldly with his jaw clenched and arms crossed over his chest denoting the annoyance.
“a member of the
 boxing club” damn you and your damn obsession with using someone else’s testimonials to pass them off as your own.
everyone’s eyes widened, what you had said was unheard of, and the questions of who it is were not long in coming. 
your gaze inadvertently fell on jungwoo, who was snacking on some of the fries on his left side. “jung
” you barely mumbled.
“jung?!” minkyung shouted out of nowhere as if she had hit the person you were talking about, but you just were inventing everything, wasn’t it? “you’re talking about jung Jaehyun?! oh my god, that man is so hot! you were keeping that secret well, y/n!” now all the girls were screaming around you, except jungeun and jinsol, who were looking at you dumbfounded. jinsol reacted quickly and congratulated you, although she didn’t know why she was doing it.
jung
 who?
“are you
 serious?” taeyong asked in a low voice, incredulous at your words. but when you nodded firmly, he licked his lips, thinking about how he could take more advantage of this situation. “well since you are so close to jaehyun, why don’t we invite him?” everyone innocently supported taeyong’s plan, as if they wanted to bring a couple together, but taeyong’s intentions were different. you bit your lips, holding in the anger that this motherfucker was provoking in you.
“do whatever you want, lee” when taeyong started to type jaehyun’s number on his phone, your heart started to race, you began to sweat and you didn’t know if it was the effects of alcohol or if you were just going to pass out from anxiety. taeyong had a nice conversation on the phone, it seemed that jaehyun was training and didn’t want to leave it just for a stupid party, as he said.
“come on, bro! we have a special guest here, i’m sure you want to see her” everyone started cheering. the line was silent until jaehyun said he would be here soon. fuck, he was just making things difficult.
the minutes went on forever and internally you wished he wouldn’t come through, but you could not chicken out, now you had to face thing as it was, also you had to figure out how you would keep your reputation after this, the most difficult thing was that you didn’t know jaehyun’s personality, apparently he is close to taeyong, what if he is just like him? you would certainly be done.
you heard the guests shouting as they announced jaehyun’s arrival, and you barely heard a deep voice complaining about making him come to a party in the middle of the night, you swallowed hard, and suddenly, the descriptions given by the girls at starbucks started to run through your head again.
god damn.
you were in big trouble.
no.
in a huge problem.
you were sitting on the ground when the huge figure of jung jaehyun landed in front of you, he frowned when you looked up to see him, god damn, his face was so beautiful, or maybe you were too drunk, but you looked into his dark eyes and you almost swore you were reflected in them.
his hair was falling over his face, he was wearing a loose sleeveless shirt showing his worked arms, his skin shone a bit, it must be the sweat from the training he was doing, underneath he only had black shorts revealing his strong legs, shit, you began to feel hot on your face from looking at him intensely.
damn, when you said you fucked someone from the boxing club you didn't expect they would bring a real person here just because you threw in a random name.
"hyung! why didn't you tell us that it was you who took away y/n's purity!” lee donghyuck put his arm around jaehyun's neck, but he didn't flinch. he just looked at you out of the corner of his eye, trying to understand what was going on, but without being too obvious.
"shut up haechan! didn't you hear that taeyong said that y/n lost her virginity a long time ago?" donghyuck was pushed by heejin, causing jaehyun to wriggle out of his grasp.
you could only close your eyes and swallow your shame, shit, how you wish you weren't there right now.
"why did you never tell us about this, y/n!" minkyung nudged you, very cheerful in her drunken state, but she only managed to plunge you further into embarrassment. the worst thing was that jaehyun looked annoyed with each passing minute.
"i didn't know you had high standards, y/n, it's amazing to know that jaehyun gave you a chance in his bed" when taeyong said that, something in you snapped, any hope of pride gone.
“h-hey jaehyun, I thought we'd never see each other again
” you said, completely nervous and shaking.
“must be a coincidence, y/n”
jaehyun gave you a smile that managed to send a chill through your whole body, even more so because of the tone he used when he said your name as if he had tasted it from his mouth before letting it out.
without warning, jaehyun wrapped you in his arms in a warm hug and it denoted a lot of confidence, but your body was rigid, you could barely react. the others yelled obscenities like go get to a room, but you only paid attention to what jaehyun whispered in your ear.
"okay, you will ask everyone to excuse you, but you have to leave with me, did you get it?"
as an automatic reaction you nodded, and once jaehyun separated from you his aura changed completely, now he smiled and his eyes turned half moons, two tender dimples appeared on his cheeks and you could look at his face for the first time with a dazzling smile from him.
“okay guys, thanks for inviting me, but i have to go, jaehyun will walk me home-”
"wow, you guys are going to fuck!" minhyung yelled out of nowhere, jinsol gave him a death glare and he gulped, realizing his mistake. "oh, I mean, they'll just walk home, yeah," he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck.
in an act of trust, you took jahyun's hand and intertwined it with yours, although the boy's body tensed, he hid it quite well, both of you left the building and the walk became awkward, neither of you was able to say anything while you moved away from the gaze of others, but you didn’t let go of each other's hands either. before going out into the dark, you noticed how jaehyun's knuckles were worn, and bruised with recent reddish wounds.
you led the way home without saying a word, the route was usually seven minutes, but this time you felt that your home was ten miles from the fraternity. once in front of the door of your home, you swallowed saliva, preparing yourself mentally and physically for the reverence in search of forgiveness from you and all the next generations.
“did you say that... you and I met and that... we had sex?” the slowness of his words was painful and humiliating, you stopped your walk, but you weren't able to turn to face jaehyun.
“please forgive me, i was too drunk, i know it's not an excuse, but at that moment... i just said the first thing that came to my mind, i didn't expect that there was someone with the name jung in the boxing club. i'm sorry, i got you involved in this lie, but if my friends and the whole frat find out i lied i’m all done, the truth is
 i'm still a virgin, i've never slept with anyone and-...” you started talking so fast that jaehyun could barely understand everything you said, he chuckled because your speech was so random jaehyun didn't know how to feel right now, maybe used or just like a idiot that ruined your lie for being called jung and join the boxing club.
jaehyun was silent for a few moments, however, that was not uncomfortable, it was more like he understood your situation, even though you had dragged him into your lies, he listened to you carefully.
“if you want, i’ll say it didn’t happen” jaehyun whispered, bright darkness appeared in his eyes and his lips curved up in a strange smirk, he took a hand out of his pockets and brought it closer to your face, slowly caressing your cheek with his thumb, you didn't know if it was you or him who was burning in the heat. “but where’s the fun in that?” 
the softness with which he caressed your cheek was intoxicating, due to the closeness you could smell his cologne and a faint of sweat, but it wasn't a bad thing for you in those moments, it felt so raw and intimate, god, you were in front of a real man. instinctively, you brought your face closer to him, tilting your head to try to reach him and you even stood on your toes, this only made jaehyun giggle, who saw it as something cute of you, there was no doubt that you were completely virgin.
with parted lips you asked for jaehyun to kiss you, so desperate for his touch and wondering what his saliva tastes like, your thoughts were rising as you felt jaehyun's breath on your face. and as if jaehyun read your thoughts, he kissed you slowly, you could only move your head to give him better access, your hands ended up on his chest where they squeezed his shirt hard and jaehyun's other hand landed on your neck, pushing you towards him.
his kiss increased when without warning, jaehyun pushed his tongue into your mouth, first licking your lower lip and then going all the way in, at first you were surprised, but it didn't take long for you to reciprocate and keep up with him. a heat was present in your crotch, and hot gasps left your mouth that was barely silenced by jung jaehyun's wild and intoxicating kisses.
god, you didn't want to stop, but the lack of oxygen was present in both of you, managing to separate for a few moments, jaehyun stared at you and you did too, it was as if his eyes were calling you to keep kissing him and how obedient a girl you were, you pushed your lips to his again, this time leading the rhythm and placing your arms around his neck, stroking with your fingertips the fade of his hair and the tips of his ears.
this time you felt jaehyun's hands slightly climb up your hips until they slipped under your blouse, you gasped at the contact of his cold hands touching your warm skin, at this moment you were letting yourself be carried away by hormones, you were not thinking correctly with your head, but you didn't care, you wanted to rub yourself against jaehyun's body to relieve the burning sensation in your crotch.
suddenly, the sound of a call coming in made you jump. jaehyun patted his front pocket and took his cell phone out, it was none other than lee taeyong, you rolled your eyes without jaehyun seeing you and he took the call.
"we're in front of her house, yah... calm down, i'm about to go back to the frat, we won't do anything tonight..." his words made your heart skip a beat, your cheeks turned redder than you thought they were already after the hot kissing session. jaehyun was going along with your lie and that was so... sneaky.
"i have to go, i don't want to have another penalty for leaving the rooms late" jaehyun took a deep breath and put both hands in his pockets as he watched you slowly search for the keys. you were kind of disappointed that it all ended like this tonight, being interrupted by that motherfucker.
"okay then, see you around...?" he said, with some doubt in his voice, you looked up and noticed a sparkle in his eyes. hope. as if it were a romantic movie, you dropped everything you had in your hands and you kiss his lips, a short and pure kiss, but full of feelings and desire, jaehyun could barely flinch because you quickly separated, when you turned embarrassed, a smile already decorated her reddish lips.
"thank you jaehyun"
"why do you thank me?"
"just because of everything..." you smile shyly, alcohol does have a strong effect on you. "see you later" you assured and that made jaehyun feel safe. your word was everything. soon you would see each other again.
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a week later, you hadn't seen jaehyun near the college, even though you didn't want to be so obvious looking around for him, you always kept an eye on the crowd when you were walking around campus.
finally, the only thing you know about him is that he belongs to the boxing club, nothing else.
also, you don't know where the boxing club is.
would it be weird for you to ask for the location?
the uncomfortable questions from the people who attended the party that friday were all around you but ceased on tuesday when that topic was no longer new.
jinsol recommended you not see jaehyun anymore, when you questioned her why she simply said "there are many rumors around him, i don't want that to involve you" even though you tried to understand her, the word rumors, were very ambiguous; what other rumors will exist around Jung Jaehyun besides the ones you heard in the cafeteria?
otherwise, jungeun sent you a lot of messages apologizing to you for telling taeyong about your "closeness" and that she didn't expect you to have fucked jaehyun. well, it was a lie, but only he and you knew that.
you stopped thinking about everything that had happened in the last few days and focused on the strong pain you felt in your neck, it must be the stress, you thought. although the summer vacations were approaching and with it the end of the semester, you felt a bit pressured with the exams and final deliveries, yesterday you did nothing but study and now these were the results. you fondled the painful part and let out a small moan.
taking classes on saturdays, having body pain and the extreme heat was the perfect recipe to alter your mood, even though you were wearing a light button-down shirt and shorts you felt the sticky feeling on your skin beginning to upset you.
you decided to stop at starbuck's to buy something cold, as soon as you arrived at the establishment the air system greeted you, thank heavens the place was not so crowded and there were some empty tables, you thought if it would be a good idea to sit down for a bit to check the essay you were about to submit next week.
"hello welcome, may i take your order?"
"hi, i'd like a venti ice americano, please-"
"two venti ice americano, please."
you were interrupted when someone taller than you, perched on your right. it was none other than jung jaehyun, smiling warmly at the cafe worker with those beautiful dimples, you were dumbfounded, the woman typed the computer and confirmed the order, jaehyun in one brisk movement, pulled out the cash ready to pay for you.
"my treat, okay?" he said, how was it possible that he did everything so naturally? you could barely say anything, you merely mumbled a slight thank you, but he looked so comfortable around you that you didn't know what to do.
when your coffees were delivered, you sat down at a table in the back. strangely, you felt like a girl on her first date of a lifetime, your heart was pounding hard against your chest and your hands were sweating, no matter how hard you tried to wipe them against the fabric of your shorts it wasn't enough.
"thanks for the coffee, jaehyun" was all you managed to say, he squeaked and took a sip of his coffee.
"it's nothing" he shrugged his shoulders downplaying it, he shook his hair and you noticed light beads of sweat, surely he came from training or something. also, you saw that the wounds from his fists were still there, but not only that
 the veins on his arm and hands were too marked, that image was so hot. you had never had any fixation with people's hands, but seeing jaehyun's hands made you change your mind and you couldn't think of them touching you, around your neck or on your
 "y/n?" you jumped in place when you heard him call out to you. "are you okay? it seems your mind is occupied with something else" he recited as if he could read your thoughts, you swallowed saliva and quickly denied.
"it's not that, it's just
 i'm a little stressed from school these days, i've barely been able to rest properly" your hand caressed the back of your neck, massaging it lightly. jaehyun's eyes carefully followed your every move without you noticing.
"i can tell, I've heard that the finance department is very strict and stern, isn't it?" wait a minute, how does he know which department you belong to? hearing that threw you off a bit and you couldn't help but ask him.
"how do you know I'm in the finance department?" jaehyun smiled as if he had been caught.
"well, i've heard a lot about you."
it only took a second for your face to change color. what could he have heard about you? you wanted to ask, but your throat closed up in that moment. you felt your body tremble from the thoughts growing in your mind. why was jaehyun suddenly so interested in you? was it because of the lie, perhaps? jaehyun might have noticed the change in your expression and let out a small laugh. that was all it took for all the embarrassment to drain from your body, making the atmosphere lighter and allowing your muscles to relax. without meaning to, you smiled too.
you realized how easy it was to talk to him. despite his attractive appearance, anyone would think he would be the typical arrogant guy for being part of a sports club and sleeping with many girls, but jung jaehyun was the complete opposite.
you kept bumping into things as your drink slowly dwindled, leaving only the ice cubes in sight. even though the conversation flowed naturally, you both knew you were skirting around the main issue, avoiding the heart of the matter. if only you hadn't been interrupted yesterday—what would have happened? would jaehyun have slept with you? so many questions, and a mix of fear about knowing the answers.
"do you mind if I walk you home? It's getting late" jaehyun suggested, swirling his glass in the air, causing the ice cubes to clink from side to side. you glanced at your own glass, now empty. you had both lost track of time. when jaehyun stood up, a strange feeling hit your stomach, and without thinking, you bit your lip. your house was close by, so you decided to play it cool and go along with whatever random topic he’d start talking about next.
on the way home, you couldn't stop thinking about what to do. would it be too cold to just walk inside and act like nothing’s happening? would it be too much to ask him to come inside with you? would he think you're too easy? you weren’t sure of the answers to the flood of questions swirling in your mind, but one thing was certain—you both felt the sexual tension. even when your shoulders brushed against each other, you could feel electricity shoot through your body with every tiny touch. jaehyun seemed calm, or at least that’s the image he was trying to project.
once you stood in front of your apartment door, jaehyun spoke: "I really enjoyed the conversation. rest well, y/n" jaehyun slipped his hands into his pockets and gave you a small, lopsided smile. "I hope next time we meet, you don’t act like a stranger." you parted your lips, searching for the right words. his face seemed like it was waiting for something more.
are you waiting for something more? you thought. it was hard to say goodbye now, and without hesitating, you said:
"hey, jaehyun, it’s saturday and it’s still early. why don’t you come in?" you rubbed your arm, trying to calm yourself, as your heart raced a mile a minute. the seconds you waited for his response felt like years. jaehyun's smile widened, and he nodded.
you opened the door and felt the warmth of your home welcoming you, while inside, your mind was spinning. I invited him. I actually did it. in reality, it was the first time you had brought a guy over—someone of the opposite sex, someone you were interested in.
and you were interested in him in the most sexual way possible.
"thanks for inviting me" jaehyun said with a grateful smile, showing off his adorable dimples. you weren’t sure if it was the whole situation, but even that innocent gesture sent a wave of heat through your body, especially between your legs. quickly, you took off your hoodie and tied your hair into a ponytail.
"it's been really hot today. do you mind if I take a quick shower?" you asked, waving your hands as if trying to cool yourself down. jaehyun raised an eyebrow, curious.
"go ahead, I’ll wait," he said, sitting down on the small sofa in your living room. you could feel two things pulsing: your heart and your vagina.
suddenly, the mood shifted, as your movements became a bit clumsy—like when you accidentally kicked the edge of the dining table, causing you to curse under your breath. when jaehyun moved closer to help, you quickly pushed his chest away. "I’m fine!" you repeated, not looking him in the eye.
"if it feels awkward, wouldn’t it be better if I leave?" jaehyun's voice was calm, trying to understand you. it was more than obvious that you were feeling uneasy about everything that had happened between the two of you, and he understood why the situation suddenly felt weird.
"n-no!" you quickly said, looking at him with concern. jaehyun stepped a little closer. "you don’t want to... do that?" your cheeks turned pink, and your gaze dropped to your feet, feeling truly embarrassed. jaehyun let out a small chuckle, realizing that, in fact, you were a complete virgin, acting like a high school girl.
"what’s so funny?" your cheeks puffed up, feeling both embarrassed and a little annoyed at the thought that jaehyun might be making fun of you.
"nothing, you’re just really cute,’ he said, lifting your chin to lock eyes with you. you could see the confidence in his gaze while you were a bundle of nerves and anxiety. "you’re really beautiful, y/n" his free hand now took yours, which was smaller than his, and that only turned jaehyun on even more. slowly, he walked back to the sofa and sat down, leaving you standing in front of him, your chest right in his view. "in any case, there’s no need to shower... you’re going to sweat again anyway." your face flushed even more, fully grasping the double meaning of his words, but your body jolted slightly as you felt jaehyun’s warm hands slide under your shirt, moving up to reveal your breasts, pushing your bra out of the way. you had to admit, the sight of jaehyun massaging your breasts was undeniably hot.
you were lost in his soft and exciting touch that you didn't notice when jaehyun caught your left nipple between his lips, the hot and wet sensation of his tongue making you gasp. the man's hands slid over your waist, pulling you closer to him, you were so fucking horny.
a new sensation made you jump as jaehyun grabbed the other nipple with his fingertips, rubbing it. you felt wetter and wetter, weaker and weaker, and if it weren't for jaehyun's strong arm holding you, you might have fallen at any moment.
you don't know how much time passed, but jaehyun switched to your other nipple, and you could see how the left one was shining with saliva and swollen... an image that made you even wetter and feel incredibly hot.
"let's go to bed" in an instant, he pulled your soft flesh out of his mouth, looking at you with lust-filled eyes, his lips swollen and shiny with saliva. though you were a little dizzy with excitement, you hadn’t realized how far things had gone. you were about to head to your bed—then what would happen?
before you knew it, you were already lying on your bed with jaehyun on top of you. you watched as he took off his shirt, revealing his well-toned body, worthy of someone who belonged to the boxing club. he tossed the shirt somewhere in the room and leaned down to kiss your lips with hunger and desire. obscene sounds escaped from his mouth, gasps and moans filling the room.
jaehyun's fingers reached your panties, pulling them aside to finally touch your most intimate place, and you opened your eyes in surprise.
‘it's really wet down here,’ he said with a smile on his face, slowly caressing you. his fingers slid over your flesh, from your clitoris to your labia. why did it feel so good? despite the intense sensation, you felt embarrassed, covering your face with both hands. ‘are you sure you've never done this before?’ jaehyun asked with a grin, as his fingers stroked you up and down."
“I told you that I have never—AGH!’ you couldn’t even finish the sentence because something entered your body. jaehyun had inserted one of his long fingers, which quickly began to move in and out. it was your first time, and the sensation was strange and a little painful; your face contorted and your body stiffened. you were so tight that it hurt, but soon your moans turned into pleasurable groans. was this the power of jung jaehyun that all the girls talked about? the feeling of someone else doing it was truly different; you would never have reached this level of excitement on your own. jaehyun added another finger, and the wet sounds echoed even more in the room. without warning, a knot formed in your stomach, and you knew something was about to happen, so you quickly grabbed jaehyun’s wrist, trying to stop him. “w-wait, ah! I f-feel... I feel something coming...’” as soon as you finished the sentence, a clear stream shot out, soaking the pink sheets of your bed. you let out a sweet moan that made jaehyun doubly hard. you closed your eyes, recovering from the incredible orgasm you had just experienced. when you opened them, you saw jaehyun’s proud expression and a large puddle in your crotch—again, the wet sheets. “but what the—! I just washed them this week!” you almost started crying because washing sheets is the worst. jaehyun just giggled. before you knew it, he was unzipping his pants and...
what he released from between his legs was not something ordinary. come on, you had never seen one in person, but this was nothing like what you had seen in porn pages or the images that strangers sent to your message inbox. this was simply huge in every sense of the word. how was it possible that it could fit inside you? the tip was pink, and veins started from the base of his abdomen, wrapping around it. it looked quite hard, and you could barely appreciate it before he began to roll a condom over it. where had he gotten it? who knows, but you couldn't stop thinking about the size. “what’s wrong, y/n?” obviously, your reaction had thrilled him, feeding his ego. “do you think it won’t fit?” one corner of his lips curled into a sly smile.
"are you challenging me? of course, bring it on!’ you said, feeling confident because y/n wasn't just any girl; you were a competitive girl, and this was nothing. you knew it would hurt at first, yes, but your hunger for sex was stronger, and you were sure that soon you would have that chunk of meat buried deep in your wet pussy.
"I like confident girls" jaehyun said, leaning his face closer to yours and licking his lips with lust as he took your legs, positioning himself between them. once he was nestled between you, he ran his hands over your captivating body. first, he gently took your shoulders, caressing them from top to bottom, then he traced his warm tongue along your neck, sending shivers throughout your body—especially in your swollen pussy. afterward, he massaged your breasts, which weren’t particularly big, and sometimes you felt insecure about that. however, seeing how perfectly they fit in jaehyun's hands made you feel so sexy. did jaehyun think the same?
how was it possible for him to be so good at this? his touch quickly left you weak and dizzy. was it because he had had a lot of sex before? that was clear; he was handsome, had a great body, and above all, he was well-endowed down there. no girl could resist.
"I’m going to put it in" he leaned closer to your face, and you felt his warm breath. that’s when you realized that what was about to enter you was something big, hard, and thick. maybe you shouldn’t have challenged him like that. perhaps just a little, you were starting to fear that the process would be too painful.
you clung to his arms as he slowly slid inside you. he caressed your cheek and whispered, "relax, don’t tense your body too much"
it was easy for him to say that, as he wasn’t the one being penetrated. however, he was incredibly gentle, even when he was fully inside you, your body stiffened. your head tilted back as you breathed quickly, trying to adjust to what had been inserted into you for the first time. "I won’t move until you feel ready, okay?" his nose brushed against yours in a compassionate gesture, and even that filled your heart. small tears gathered at the corners of your eyes, and it was jaehyun who gently wiped them away. "you’re doing so well, y/n."
despite the pain that ran through your body, your mind was focused on the pleasure that the situation was giving you: jaehyun’s naked body on top of you, jaehyun inside you, jaehyun with a blush on his face, jaehyun having sex with you. it was the only thing you could think about, and it only made you wetter. little by little, the pain faded, and suddenly you were begging him in a voice that betrayed your surrender, asking jaehyun to move.
then, the hard and fast thrusts came without hesitation. you could only focus on how your breasts bounced and how barely you could hold back your gasps of pleasure. jaehyun looked satisfied, seeing the sheer thrill on your face. you couldn’t think straight; you could barely keep your eyes open, and you weren’t sure how much longer you’d last, as you were getting wetter with each movement.
‘wow, you’re really soaked,’ jaehyun commented with a grin on his face, almost as if he were mocking your state. you didn’t even care; instead, you pulled him closer, clinging tightly to his body.
suddenly, your phone started ringing—someone was calling you. it was so unexpected, and jaehyun seemed to care about it as he paused and asked, ‘you should probably answer that.’ but before he could even reach for the phone, you grabbed his hand and guided it to your breast, whispering softly, ‘don’t stop, please,’ while biting your lip. you were close, you could feel it, and whoever was calling could go to hell right now.
this made jaehyun even more turned on. for a moment, he didn’t know how to react, but as your legs wrapped around him again, he could only smirk, proud of his bedroom skills, enough to have the ex-virgin begging him not to stop. he knew you were enchanting, but he didn’t know just how much. so, he grabbed your waist, lifting it to penetrate you deeper and faster. this technique made your moans even louder, filled with pure excitement. combined with the sounds of skin slapping, the creak of the bed, and jaehyun’s gasps, it all created a unique melody in the room.
“oh, i'm going to cum...” jaehyun warned as his movements became harder against your body, you felt the pounding hit hard against your hips and how his fingers were marked on your waist painfully, but all this combined only brought you closer to climax too and from one moment to the next you were untying the knot in your stomach through a sweet orgasm, giving a squeal as a result. jaehyun took off the full condom and looked at you on the bed, trying to catch your breath, your legs quivering with pleasure and your nipples still erect. there was no choice but to take another condom. “ready for round two?” he whispered in your ear.
although, you were processing how good your first time having sex had been, you didn't think you were completely ready for a second round, however, you couldn't resist against jaehyun, and without thinking, you ended up sweaty and exhausted after 4 more rounds. 
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it had been two weeks since that night with jaehyun—two long, chaotic weeks where everything seemed to fall apart piece by piece. a fire had broken out in an apartment two floors above yours, thick smoke swallowing the hallways, alarms screaming through the building. even though your place hadn't been damaged, the inspectors had evacuated everyone to assess the structure. you'd bounced from couch to couch, staying with friends for a night or two at most, but their living situations were tight—shared sorority houses, cramped apartments, boyfriends already occupying the only free space. now, you sat alone on a bench across from the university, phone in hand, scrolling aimlessly through your contacts, desperate for someone, anyone, to call. going back to your mother’s place wasn’t an option—you knew the arguments would start the second you walked through the door. you craved your independence, even if it meant being homeless for a few days. the problem was, you didn’t have the money for a hotel. not even close.
you look at jaehyun's contact for a second, you stop to think if it would be a good idea to call him, I mean, you barely know each other, you slept together once, would that be enough of an excuse for him to let you live with him for a while?
you don’t know what to expect when he answers. you’re clutching your phone like it might slip out of your hand from how fast your pulse is racing. and now, with your apartment unlivable, your options reduced to zero, you’re doing the last thing you wanted—calling him.
it rings. once. twice.
then you hear his voice, smooth and casual like nothing’s changed.
“hey. y/n?”
you swallow thickly, your voice trembling despite how much you try to sound fine.
“hi. i know it’s
 late. and random. and maybe you don’t want to hear from me, but i didn’t know who else to call.”
there’s a pause, but it’s not uncomfortable. it’s quiet, like he’s listening closely.
“what’s wrong?”
you sigh, eyes stinging as the reality settles deeper into your chest.
“there was a fire in my building. the apartment above mine is completely destroyed, and the structure’s unsafe. they told me i can’t stay there. i don’t really
 have anywhere to go right now.”
another pause. this one longer. you brace yourself for something like damn, that sucks or hope you figure it out.
instead, he says softly, “i’m at the pool hall with a couple of friends. you can come. we’ll talk here.”
you don’t know what to say to that, so you just whisper, “okay. send me the location.”
you arrive about thirty minutes later. the place is half-lit, old wooden floors scuffed from years of dragging chairs and boots, the smell of beer and smoke embedded into the walls. the second you step in, you spot him—jaehyun, in a black t-shirt that clings to his shoulders and jeans that do too much justice to his thighs. he’s bent over a table, lining up a shot, lips parted slightly in concentration. he looks good. too good.
when he notices you, his face relaxes. his body straightens. no hesitation.
he waves you over. “you made it.”
you nod, offering a small smile. “hi.”
“guys, this is y/n,” he says, turning to the two men beside him. “yuta, taeyong.”
they both greet you, yuta with a mischievous glint in his eye and taeyong with something a little softer. polite, but unmistakably curious.
“nice to meet you,” yuta says, and you catch his eyes flicker down your outfit—tight jeans, fitted top, just casual enough to not scream i dressed up for someone, but still enough to make their jaws subtly tighten.
jaehyun sees it. you feel it in the way he stands a little closer to you.
“chill,” he tells them, easy but pointed. “she’s way out of your league.”
they laugh, pretending like they weren’t staring, and jaehyun turns back to you.
“want a beer?”
“sure.”
he brings one for you without asking what kind. cold glass touches your palm, and his fingers brush yours just a second longer than necessary. he doesn’t mention the call again. doesn’t ask you anything serious. just hands you a stick and nods at the table.
“you play?”
“twice. maybe. terribly.”
he grins. “that’s more than most.”
you play a few turns. he’s good. effortlessly good. you’re not, but you’re trying. then your turn comes up again, and you bend over to line up your shot. you don’t realize how far you’re leaning until you feel it—the air shifts. someone’s watching.
you glance sideways. yuta’s not even trying to hide the way he’s looking.
jaehyun clears his throat, sharp.
“dude. seriously?”
yuta looks away like a scolded child, taeyong biting back a smile.
jaehyun’s voice is low now, just for you. “you might want to bend less, unless you want to start a war.”
you raise a brow, playfully. “they’re just looking.”
“yeah, and i don’t like it.”
he walks around the table, stops behind you. “want help?”
you nod, and he steps close. closer than he needs to. his front presses lightly against your back, firm and warm. he leans down, guiding your arms, his chest flush to you, his breath skating along the shell of your ear.
“hit the green. angle it toward the corner pocket. trust me, you’ll nail it.”
but you’re not listening. not really. not when his hand slides just a little too far down your arm, or when his hips nudge forward, enough to feel him. he’s doing it on purpose. there’s no way he isn’t.
you shift, bump your elbow lightly into his ribs. “you’re kind of all over me. i can’t focus like that.”
he chuckles, stepping back with both hands raised. “my bad. force of habit.”
you shoot. the ball sinks clean.
his voice lights up. “see? you are good.”
you smile despite yourself. “maybe you’re not a terrible coach.”
he high-fives you, fingers curling briefly around yours, and for a while, the game continues. laughter. teasing. another round of beers. the weight between you two loosens just a bit—but never disappears.
eventually, it’s time to leave. the guys stretch and yawn, pretending they aren’t already planning their next stop.
“we were thinking of hitting that new bar on third,” yuta says.
“nah,” jaehyun replies instantly, grabbing his jacket. “i’m taking y/n home.”
taeyong raises a brow but doesn’t argue. “alright. catch you later.”
once outside, the air feels cooler. quieter. you walk in silence for a few blocks, your body relaxing more than you expected. and then he says it.
“so
 what happened exactly?”
you exhale, the weight returning. “the apartment above mine caught fire. no one got hurt, but they say the building’s not safe. i can’t go back until it’s inspected and fixed. and all my friends live with their boyfriends, or in places too cramped to take someone in.”
he nods slowly, not pushing.
“you can stay with me,” he says after a beat. “just
 not tonight.”
you look up at him, confused. “why not?”
he scratches the back of his neck, a little embarrassed.
“my roommate kicked me out for the night. his girlfriend’s coming over, and well
 you know.”
you do. you laugh a little, half amused, half exhausted. “so that’s why you were out?”
“yeah. didn’t feel like hearing them fuck through the wall.”
you both fall silent, until he looks to the right. neon lights spill across the sidewalk in pinks and reds. your eyes follow his line of sight.
a motel.
he glances back at you, one brow lifted. “wanna crash there for tonight? i’ll get you a room.”
you don’t even hesitate.
“yes. please.”
he smiles, soft and genuine this time. “come on, then.”
and for the first time that night, you feel like you might actually sleep without everything collapsing around you.
the motel room was small and stuffy, the thick summer air clinging to your skin the moment you stepped inside. the door clicked shut behind you, and jaehyun immediately moved to the wall-mounted control, turning on the air conditioner with a low hum that filled the silence. still, it was warm, your skin damp with sweat and exhaustion. you sat on the edge of the bed, waving a hand lazily in front of your face as you tried to cool off, your other hand pushing your hair away from your neck.
“fuck, it’s hot,” you muttered, fingers fumbling with your hair, searching for a hair tie that wasn’t there.
“here,” jaehyun said, tossing something onto the bed beside you. it was a small plastic bag, printed with the motel’s name in red cursive. you opened it, expecting maybe a water bottle or a towel, but instead found a collection of travel-sized soaps, a tiny bottle of shampoo, a mint, two condoms in gold wrappers
 and a hair tie. your fingers brushed over it before you looked up at him with a raised brow.
“you know this place too well.”
he scoffed, smirking as he leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. “maybe you’re just the one who doesn’t know anything.”
his voice held a mocking edge, teasing you like he always did, like he hadn’t fucked you stupid on your own bed two weeks ago and left without so much as a real goodbye.
you reached into the plastic bag and pulled out the small collection of motel goodies, letting your fingers slide over the items until they wrapped around the foil square. it crinkled softly between your fingertips as you held it up, raising your brows as your eyes flicked to him.
“do these even fit you?” you asked, tone playful but low, teasing.
he huffed a quiet laugh, pushing his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stepped closer, arms still crossed over his chest.
“not really,” he said. “those are standard size. they don’t fit me right.”
you rolled your eyes, even as your cheeks burned with something you didn’t want to name. reaching back, you tied your hair up with the elastic, then stood up to stretch, pretending not to care that he was watching you.
jaehyun checked his phone and sighed. “i should go. the guys are probably already at the next bar.”
your chest tightened, confusion blooming low and sour in your stomach. you blinked. “you’re leaving?”
“wasn’t the plan to crash here just for you?” he teased, but there was something unreadable in his eyes.
you hesitated, lips parting. you didn’t want to ask him to stay. you didn’t want to sound needy. but the thought of him walking out again, of sleeping alone in a motel bed you hadn’t paid for, filled you with a sudden ache.
“it’s hot as hell out there,” you said, stepping closer. “you should shower. you’ll feel better.”
he arched a brow. “i showered before going out.”
“so what?” you shrugged, fingers toying with the hem of your shirt. “i think you should shower again.”
he stared at you for a beat, eyes darkening as the realization clicked into place. “ah,” he murmured, tilting his head. “so that’s what this is.”
your body moved before you could think—crawling up onto the bed, slow and deliberate, your eyes never leaving his. he didn’t move, just watched as you reached him, rising on your knees to press your palms to his chest. his shirt was soft and damp against your fingers. you tilted your face up to his, lips barely brushing his collarbone.
“don’t go,” you whispered. “you’re already here
 might as well make it worth it.”
his hand slid to the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair, lips ghosting over your temple as he muttered, low and sinful, “you’re playing a dangerous game, baby.”
your heart skipped a beat. you weren’t even trying to hide the way your gaze dropped to the bulge in his pants. his words shouldn’t have made your thighs press together like that, shouldn’t have sent that deep, pulsing warmth down your spine, but fuck—he was so casual about it, so sure of himself, it made your breath hitch. he was already hard. you could see it now. and he hadn’t even touched you yet.
you let the condom fall onto the bed as your hand drifted slowly to the front of his pants, fingers hovering before you made contact. the heat radiating through the fabric was almost unbearable, and when you finally palmed him through it, his jaw flexed. your voice came out soft, a little shaky, but full of intent.
“can i see it?”
his eyes darkened immediately, and he didn’t say anything for a moment, just watched you with that unreadable expression that made your stomach twist. then he nodded, slow and sure, backing up and letting himself fall onto the bed. he pulled his shirt off in one swift motion and laid back, propping his hands behind his head, the muscles of his arms flexing, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm that made your mouth go dry.
“go ahead,” he murmured, “since you’re so curious.”
his pants were already unbuttoned, boxers peeking out from the waistband. your gaze dropped to the heavy outline straining against the fabric, your fingers trembling slightly as you reached for him. it was your first time doing this—your first time touching a guy like this—and you felt nervous, eager, clumsy all at once. you tugged his pants lower until they pooled around his thighs, revealing the thick bulge beneath his briefs.
when you finally pushed those down too, your eyes widened slightly. your hand wrapped around him, a little too firm, and you felt him twitch under your touch.
“not so rough,” he said, his voice low, half-laughing, half-breathless. “be gentle.”
you nodded, swallowing hard, adjusting your grip, your thumb brushing along the tip. the weight and warmth of him in your palm was foreign and overwhelming. your head dipped forward and you kissed him there, soft and uncertain. he sucked in a breath, his abs tightening, his hand still behind his head but his knuckles whitening with the way he gripped the pillow.
you let your tongue trace slowly along the underside, tasting him, feeling him throb with every slow movement. then you wrapped your lips around the head and began to take him in, your hand stroking what you couldn’t fit just yet.
he made a sound—a sharp breath, a curse under his breath—and when you looked up, his face was flushed, his eyes half-lidded with something between shock and desperation.
“am i doing it right?” you asked, pulling back slightly, your lips glossy, your voice soft and unsure.
“fuck, yes,” he groaned, his head falling back against the pillow. “you’re gonna kill me if you keep looking at me like that.”
his hips bucked slightly, involuntary, and you took him deeper this time, slowly, carefully, adjusting to the rhythm, feeling the way his thighs tensed beneath your touch. his breathing grew heavier, his abs flexing with every flick of your tongue, every soft suck, every messy, eager movement. he reached down, fingers threading into your hair, not to guide you, just to anchor himself, as if grounding his sanity with the feeling of you.
“shit, baby—” he moaned, his voice rough now, desperate. “just like that. don’t stop.”
you didn’t. you hollowed your cheeks and moved faster, more confident now, loving the way he twitched on your tongue, the way his composure was crumbling second by second. his fingers tightened in your hair and his thighs trembled slightly.
“fuck, i’m close—” he gasped.
you kept going, feeling his release building, tasting the salty pre-come on your tongue, and when he finally came with a low, strangled groan, hips jerking, voice broken and raw—he said your name like a plea.
you swallowed, slow and deliberate, licking your lips as you looked up at him. he looked dazed, ruined, beautiful. his chest was heaving, sweat on his brow, his skin flushed.
“jesus,” he whispered, a half-laugh escaping his lips as he finally let go of your hair. “where the hell did you learn to do that?”
you just smiled, your lips still tingling, proud of yourself, of how undone he looked—like you were the only one who had ever touched him like that.
you crawled back up the bed, breath still shallow from everything you had just done, and started peeling your clothes off one by one. your fingers fumbled slightly from how needy you felt, pulling your shirt over your head, tossing it aside without care, followed by your bra, panties, everything that separated your burning skin from his. his eyes were on you the entire time—hungry, intense, reverent. he didn’t say anything, just licked his lips and let his gaze roam across your body like he was starving for it.
“i want to ride you,” you said, voice low, thick with want.
his mouth parted slightly, surprise flickering in his eyes, before he leaned over to grab something from his wallet on the nightstand. “wait,” he murmured, pulling out a foil wrapper—different from the motel ones. thicker, black, and unmistakably his. “these are the ones that actually fit.”
you watched him tear the wrapper open and roll it on effortlessly, his movements confident but still urgent, like he’d been holding himself back just for you. when he was ready, he laid back again, arms slightly outstretched, his eyes locked on yours.
“come here,” he said. “you can ride me now.”
you bit your lip and moved quickly, like you couldn’t bear to wait another second. and you really couldn’t—you’d been on edge for days. the stress, the instability, not knowing where you’d sleep, all of it had pressed down on you like a weight you couldn’t shake. but when you were with him, everything slowed. everything made sense. and right now, you just needed to feel him, to get lost in him.
you straddled his hips, your knees on either side of his thighs, palms pressing against his firm chest. his hands found your waist, warm and steady, as you guided yourself over him. he was so hard, so thick, and as you slowly lowered yourself onto him, you gasped—half from the stretch, half from the overwhelming feeling of finally, finally being this close. his cock filled you inch by inch, making your walls clench around him involuntarily, your breath hitching as you adjusted.
“fuck, you’re tight,” he groaned, brows furrowed, his fingers digging into your skin like he was barely holding on.
your eyes fluttered shut as you took him deeper, until your hips met his and your thighs were trembling from the intensity. you rested your hands on his abs, taking a moment to breathe through it, to feel him throbbing inside you.
“you okay?” he asked, voice softer now, thumb brushing along your hip.
you nodded, leaning down to kiss him, slow and messy. then you began to move—shallow at first, testing the pace, but soon you were rolling your hips, finding a rhythm that made your body light up with fire. every movement dragged delicious friction along your walls, and the way he filled you, stretched you, made you moan softly, needily.
his hands slid up to your breasts, thumbs circling your nipples until they peaked, sensitive and aching. he cupped them both, lifting himself slightly to suck one into his mouth. his tongue was hot and wet, swirling around the sensitive nub while his other hand played with the other breast, squeezing, pinching gently, making your hips grind harder against him.
“god, you feel so good,” he murmured against your skin, lips still wrapped around your nipple, his voice sending vibrations through your chest.
your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling slightly as you rode him faster now, the slap of your skin meeting his echoing in the cheap motel room. your breath came in short, ragged gasps, your body trembling as the pleasure built. he sucked harder on your breast, then switched to the other, moaning into you like he was addicted to the taste of your skin.
“jaehyun—” you whimpered, grinding down harder, desperate for release. “i’m close
”
“don’t stop,” he said, breathless, one hand sliding down between your bodies to rub tight, fast circles against your clit. “cum for me, baby. let me feel it.”
you cried out, body shaking as the orgasm ripped through you, thighs quivering, cunt pulsing around him in waves that felt endless. he grunted beneath you, lost in the way you clenched around him, hips thrusting up as he chased his own high, until with a deep moan and your name on his lips, he came too—hard, twitching inside you, eyes clenched shut, body taut with release.
you collapsed on top of him, breath tangled with his, both of you sweaty, shaky, completely undone.
after a moment of recovery, limbs tangled and skin damp with sweat, jaehyun pulled you close and pressed a soft kiss against your shoulder.
“we should shower,” he murmured against your skin, his voice low and husky. “it’s hot as hell in here.”
you hummed in agreement, letting him guide you out of the bed. your legs felt like jelly, sore and shaky, but his arm stayed around your waist, grounding you. the bathroom light was harsh, flickering slightly like everything else in that old motel, but the water came out warm and steady. steam quickly filled the small space.
you stepped into the shower first, sighing as the water hit your back, washing away the sweat and lingering stickiness. jaehyun stepped in behind you, his body pressing up against yours, his arms wrapping loosely around your waist. the moment should’ve been calm, domestic, but his hands couldn’t help but wander.
his lips brushed your neck, wet and slow, while his fingers slid up your stomach to cup your breasts again. “couldn’t stop thinking about these,” he whispered, licking a droplet of water from your shoulder.
you tilted your head, letting him kiss you deeper. your back arched instinctively, pressing into him, and you felt his cock hardening against the curve of your ass. “again?” you teased breathlessly.
“you’re too fucking hot not to,” he said, voice rough, before turning you around so your back was against the cold tile. his mouth claimed yours, tongue exploring like he hadn’t just come not long ago. he lifted one of your legs, hooking it over his hip, and the tip of his cock rubbed against your folds, teasing.
you gasped as he slipped inside again—this time slower, deeper, the water pouring down your bodies as he began to move. the shower was tight, cramped, but that only made it hotter. the sound of skin on skin was drowned by the water, but you could hear him panting in your ear, could feel the way his mouth latched onto your nipple again, his thrusts picking up pace.
you held onto him, fingers digging into his shoulders, your moans muffled against his neck. it was messy, rushed, passionate. and when you came again, clenching around him, he followed quickly, holding you tight as he spilled inside the condom once more, both of you trembling under the hot spray.
after the shower, you dried off, still breathless, your legs wobbling every time you moved. you collapsed into bed with a sigh, pulling the thin sheet over your body. jaehyun lay beside you for a few minutes, stroking your hair, until sleep started to pull you under.
when you woke up, sunlight was leaking through the curtains, weak and golden. the bed beside you was empty. you blinked against the brightness, groaning at the soreness in your thighs and hips. everything hurt deliciously. you reached for your phone on the nightstand, and saw a message waiting from jaehyun.
had to leave early. training. don’t worry about time, i extended the checkout. i’ll call you when i’m done and take you to my place. there’s food for you on the table. eat, baby.
you sat up, rubbing your eyes and looking around. on the small glass table near the window sat a paper bag from starbucks. you got up, curious, and opened it to find a warm cheese sandwich and your favorite coffee. it made you smile—something about the quiet thoughtfulness of it, after such a dirty night, made your chest feel warm.
later that day, you were sitting on the grass outside campus with your friends—jungeun, jinsol, and sooyoung. the sun was soft and the air carried the scent of spring. they were all staring at you like a pack of wolves, eyes gleaming with barely-concealed curiosity.
“so
” jungeun started, tilting her head, “are you going to keep avoiding our questions, or are you finally going to spill?”
“you kept your secret very well” jinsol added with a smirk. “you disappeared overnight and came back all smiley and glowing. bitch, don’t lie.”
you looked away, sipping your iced tea and trying to play it cool. “we’ve just been hanging out
 it’s nothing serious.”
“nothing serious my ass,” sooyoung said, lying on her back and shielding her eyes from the sun. “ you think we don't remember how you got when he arrived at the party?”
you blushed furiously, heart pounding, but tried to keep your tone steady. “i’m not giving you the details. and definitely not about that.”
jinsol groaned. “come on. we just want to know one thing.”
“is his dick as perfect as we imagine?” jungeun whispered dramatically, making everyone laugh.
you covered your face with your hands. “i’m not talking about his dick.”
“that’s not a no,” sooyoung chimed in.
you tried not to laugh, cheeks burning. “we’ve only gone out a couple times. that’s all.”
jinsol leaned in closer. “i think it’s only a matter of time before you two become official. honestly, he seems like he really likes you.”
but sooyoung shook her head. “nah. not yet. she hasn’t gotten over dong sicheng.”
that name hit you like a soft, invisible bruise. you looked down at your drink, lips pressed together.
“he was just
 a phase,” you muttered.
sooyoung arched a brow. “a phase you’ve been stuck on for like a year.”
“he never liked me like that anyway,” you said, trying to keep the bitterness out of your voice. “i was just his art buddy. his therapist. his background character.”
“yeah, well,” jungeun said gently, “maybe jaehyun’s your plot twist.”
you didn’t reply. but for a moment, you let yourself imagine that possibility. and it didn’t feel so far-fetched.
“actually,” jungeun chimed in, casually tossing a piece of grass into the air, “i heard something about sicheng.”
your head snapped in her direction before you could stop yourself. your heart skipped and thumped oddly in your chest.
“yeah?” you tried to sound indifferent, but the way your voice wavered betrayed you.
“mhm,” she said, glancing at the others. “one of the girls from the art department told me he’s coming back this semester. apparently he finally sorted out his exchange paperwork.”
“guess you’ll be bumping into him again,” sooyoung said, nudging your shoulder with a teasing smirk. “don’t go falling all over him again. please use your brain this time.”
“i didn’t—” you started, but then just sighed. “i know.”
jinsol gave you a knowing look. “well, i hope you don’t fuck it up with jaehyun over some old fantasy. like
 jaehyun’s not just hot. he’s actually a good guy.”
sooyoung snorted. “a hot guy with a career path and muscle definition that could resurrect me.”
“he’s not just hot,” jungeun added, more serious. “he’s crazy talented. my brother’s obsessed with local sports and he says jaehyun’s a legend around here. three-time regional boxing champ. undefeated.”
you blinked. “wait, really?”
“mmhmm,” she said. “he’s been competing for like three years straight. he’s got insane discipline. trains daily, eats clean, sleeps early unless he’s too busy fucking you apparently—ow!” she laughed when you slapped her thigh in protest.
but your mind was already conjuring images
 jaehyun in the ring, sweat dripping from his brow, his jaw set with sharp focus. his body gleaming under the lights—broad shoulders, cut arms, those tight abs tensing as he dodges, lunges, throws a punch. bruises on his ribs, a scratch near his lip, blood maybe on the edge of his gloves. heat rises to your cheeks as the image lingers—his body slightly damaged but so undeniably alive and powerful, all for something he loves.
he wasn’t just hot. he was dedicated. passionate. and god, he looked good doing it.
sooyoung sighed dramatically beside you. “i want a boyfriend like that. good body. good face. and a dick that ruins lives.”
“jesus christ,” jinsol muttered, snorting into her drink.
“what?” sooyoung shrugged. “i’m just saying. it’s the dream.”
you shook your head, cheeks flushed. “he’s not my boyfriend.”
they all stared at you.
“yet,” jungeun said, grinning.
you looked down at your phone, pretending to be unbothered, but the way your stomach flipped said otherwise.
not your boyfriend. not officially.
but the way he touched you. the way he looked at you like you mattered—like he saw more than just sex.
it made you wonder.
what if he could be?
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at sunset, you’re waiting just outside the university gym, sitting on the edge of a planter box as the warm, golden light spills across the campus. the air still holds a trace of the day’s heat, but it's softened now, carried gently by the evening breeze. your phone buzzes in your lap, but you ignore it, eyes focused on the gym entrance.
jaehyun walks out a moment later, his presence like gravity pulling your attention. he’s wearing a fitted black t-shirt that clings slightly to his damp skin, khaki shorts that show off his toned legs, and worn white sneakers. his training bag is slung over one shoulder, and droplets of water still trail from the ends of his freshly washed hair. he must’ve taken a quick shower after practice. his smile is soft, those signature dimples showing as he spots you.
“you ready to head to the apartment?” he asks, stopping in front of you. his voice is calm, smooth, like there's no rush.
“yeah, but
 before that, i want to take you out to eat,” you say as you stand, brushing your hands over your clothes.
his brows raise slightly in surprise. “why?”
you shift your weight from one foot to the other. “i just
 it’s a thank you. for taking me to the motel, for getting me food, for extending the time. and now you’re letting me stay at your place, so
” you trail off, cheeks heating up.
he tilts his head, eyes searching yours. “you don’t have to do that. it wasn’t a big deal.”
you bite your lip and shrug. “well, it is to me. no guy’s ever treated me like that before, so
 i thought it’d be important.”
that seems to catch him off guard. he stares at you for a second longer, then nods. “alright. i’ll let you treat me. but don’t expect me to be easy to impress,” he teases, the corners of his mouth lifting.
you smile, relieved. “what’s your favorite food?”
he thinks for a second, then frowns. “i don’t really have one. i’ve been on a strict diet lately since i’ve got more tournaments coming up.”
your jaw drops slightly. “what do you mean you don’t have a favorite food? come on.”
he chuckles. “i’m serious. everything’s been about protein, greens, hydration
 it’s been pretty boring.”
“that’s tragic,” you say with mock seriousness. “you’re in your twenties and you’re telling me you don’t even crave ramen or tteokbokki?”
“okay, fine,” he laughs. “i haven’t had kimbap in forever. does that count?”
you grin. “perfect. i know this place that makes really good kimbap.”
a little while later, you’re both seated at a small table in a cozy street-side diner. the kimbap comes out quickly, warm and fresh, and jaehyun’s eyes light up when he takes the first bite.
“this is really good,” he says with a satisfied sigh.
“you look happy,” you tease, watching the way he leans back in his seat, finally relaxed.
he nods, swallowing. “i am. i’ve got a big fight coming up—i’ll be up against a nationally ranked fighter. if i win, i’ll qualify for the majors.”
your eyes widen. “that’s huge! jaehyun, oh my god, congratulations!”
he rubs the back of his neck, clearly flustered by your excitement. “thanks
 i’m trying not to jinx it.”
“you’re gonna crush it. you’re so disciplined and talented—seriously, it’s inspiring.” you smile at him, and it’s completely honest.
he goes quiet for a second, then looks down with a tiny smile of his own. he’s blushing. the tough, cocky boxer—blushing.
“you’re really bad at taking compliments, huh?” you say, laughing gently.
“maybe,” he replies with a grin, nudging your foot under the table. “but i don’t mind it when it’s you.”
you finish eating with that warm, playful tension between you, the kind that always seems to build whenever you’re with him.
you're walking beside jaehyun along the crowded sidewalk, the sun already sinking low, casting an orange glow on the buildings around you. he’s telling you something about a professor at the university who never shows up on time, and you’re half-listening, half-distracted by the soft drip of water from his hair. he smells faintly of soap and cologne, clean and warm. you smile at the way his voice hums, deep and casual.
but then, suddenly—
“jaehyun!” a bright, feminine voice cuts through the air.
before you can even turn, there’s a girl jumping on him—literally throwing her arms around his neck. you blink, startled, and take a step back. jaehyun catches her easily, like it’s nothing, one of his hands settling on her waist, holding her with casual familiarity. his smile grows wider, those pretty dimples showing instantly.
“noona, what are you doing here?” he asks, clearly happy to see her.
“i came to visit some friends,” she says sweetly, brushing her shiny, curled hair behind her ear. her eyes flick down his body like she’s assessing him. “you’ve gotten taller
 or maybe just your shoulders?” she teases, reaching out to squeeze his bicep without hesitation.
you feel something twist in your chest. it’s hot and petty, and you know it, but still—you don’t like the way she’s touching him. you don’t like how close they are. how
 familiar they are.
is she his girlfriend?
the thought hits you like a slap. no. no way. that would be cruel—after what you and jaehyun did
 after he held you and kissed you and let you ride him like you were the only girl in the world.
the girl finally looks at you. her face lights up with surprise and a sly sparkle in her eyes. she's polished—makeup flawless, glossed lips, expensive jewelry. everything about her screams elegance. you suddenly feel plain in comparison.
“oh?” she says, eyeing you. “are you jaehyun’s girlfriend?”
your stomach drops. but at the same time, some part of you feels
 relieved. so she isn't his girlfriend.
“ah
 she’s
” jaehyun starts slowly, glancing at you, voice uncertain. “she’s my friend.”
“nice to meet you!” she chirps, stepping forward and taking both your hands enthusiastically. “i’m miyeon, jaehyun’s childhood friend.”
“a-ah
 i’m y/n. nice to meet you too,” you say, barely holding your voice steady.
miyeon turns back to him with a soft pout. “jaehyun, you should bring y/n to our store sometime. you haven’t visited in so long.”
“i will. soon,” he says, his tone easy, but not committed. she beams and clings to his arm again, pressing against him in a way that makes your skin burn.
after a bit more small talk, she waves goodbye, and you and jaehyun continue walking. you’re quiet. so is he.
the train ride is short, but quiet too. you’re still chewing on the jealousy simmering low in your stomach. you don’t say a word until you’re back on the street again, just a few blocks from his apartment.
“jaehyun,” you say suddenly, stopping in your tracks.
he turns to face you, brows lifted.
you stand still for a second, then open your arms slightly—awkwardly. as if you’re asking for a hug.
he doesn’t hesitate.
jaehyun steps into you and wraps his arms around your body, holding you close. you melt into his chest.
“are you copying my noona?” he teases softly against your hair.
you shake your head lightly, but your cheeks are burning.
he leans back just enough to look into your eyes. “now i really can’t wait to get home,” he says with a grin and a very obvious double meaning.
you scoff and push him back a little, pretending to be annoyed—but you’re not. not really.
jaehyun unlocks the front door with one hand, still carrying his gym bag over his shoulder. he nudges the door open with his foot, letting you step in first. the place smells faintly of laundry detergent and cedarwood. it’s clean but lived-in, with a few scattered training wraps on the floor and a row of protein bottles lined up neatly on a shelf.
“make yourself at home,” he says, dropping his bag with a dull thud. “my roommate, junhoe, isn’t here. he’s probably off fucking his girl somewhere.”
you chuckle, still standing in the entryway.
jaehyun walks ahead, opening a side door. “this is the study,” he says, gesturing. it’s a small room, barely wide enough to fit a desk and some shelves, but there’s a window with good light and it smells like old books. “i can clean it up and maybe get a futon or something in here if you’re staying.”
you nod slowly, looking around, but your eyes keep drifting back to him. he’s leaned in the doorway now, watching you with that lazy, unreadable gaze, the same one he used to look at you that night at the motel—right before you climbed into his lap.
“there’s an extra mattress in my room,” he adds casually, but his mouth quirks up in a smirk that gives him away. “wanna see?”
you raise a brow. “you’re so subtle, jaehyun.”
he laughs, voice low and warm, and then turns on his heel. you follow him down the short hallway to his bedroom. the lights are dimmed, his bed already made, a dark gray comforter spread out neatly. he gestures toward the corner, where a folded mattress leans against the wall. “see? told you.”
but you’re not looking at the mattress.
you’re looking at him.
at the way the veins in his arms stretch as he runs a hand through his damp hair. at the way his shirt clings to the firm lines of his torso. at the faint red bruise just below his jaw—probably from sparring, but it looks like something you'd want to kiss.
“do you want to shower first?” he asks, turning back to you.
you shake your head. "i already showered earlier.”
“true,” he says, stepping closer. “but that was to wash off the sweat.”
“and this one would be to
”
he’s right in front of you now. inches away. his voice drops to a whisper.
“to get dirty again.”
you don’t move. you just look at him, look at the slight twitch in his jaw, the way his eyes flick to your lips. then you reach out, grab the hem of his shirt, and lift it over his head in one slow, steady motion.
jaehyun breathes in sharp and deep as your fingers skim his chest. his body is insane—broad shoulders, thick arms, chest hard as stone and wrapped in smooth golden skin. faint bruises pepper his ribs, evidence of training, and you drag your hands over one without thinking.
“you’re really something else,” you murmur.
“so are you,” he says hoarsely, fingers already at the waistband of your jeans.
clothes come off fast after that.
you fall together onto the mattress, his mouth hungry on yours. he kisses you like he’s starving, hands exploring, groping, dragging down your back. he moans against your lips when you grind your hips down on his thigh, searching for friction.
then he flips you over.
pins your wrists above your head with one hand, the other tracing down your stomach, between your legs.
“still wet,” he murmurs. “even though i haven’t touched you in hours.”
“shut up,” you pant, arching your back.
he chuckles and lowers his head. his mouth finds your neck, your collarbone, your breasts—licking, sucking, biting just enough to leave a mark. you cry out when his fingers finally slide between your folds, slick and slow.
“shit, baby,” he whispers. “you feel so fucking good.”
“then stop teasing me,” you groan.
he smirks. “as you wish.”
and then he’s inside you.
thick. hot. stretching you open all over again.
your back bows. his name spills from your lips like a prayer.
he moves slow at first—deep, careful strokes that make you shudder. but then he picks up the pace. harder. faster. his skin slaps against yours, your breath hitching with every thrust. the bed creaks. his grip bruises your hips. and you love it.
“jaehyun—f-fuck—”
“you like that?” he growls, voice wrecked. “you like being fucked like this? like a real good girl?”
you nod, crying out as your orgasm builds.
“i’m close,” you moan, nails digging into his back.
“come for me, baby,” he pants, kissing your lips hard. “i wanna feel you come around me.”
and you do.
it hits you fast, hard, white-hot.
your whole body trembles. he follows right after, gasping your name, burying himself deep inside you with one final thrust.
you lay there for a while, tangled together, sweat cooling on your skin.
his arms wrapped around you.
his lips brushing your forehead.
jaehyun is quiet for a long time after he comes, his chest rising and falling against yours as he tries to steady his breathing.
the room is dim, but you can feel the heat radiating off his body, the way his arms tighten around you, protective and gentle. he nuzzles into your neck, his lips brushing the damp skin there, not in a sexual way this time—more like he's grounding himself in your presence. you lie there, tangled up in sheets and each other, the only sound being the soft hum of the ceiling fan and your hearts calming down in sync.
he eventually pulls away just enough to look at you, eyes hooded but soft, and his fingers trace down the side of your face, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “are you okay?” he whispers, voice a little raspy, a little concerned.
you nod, smiling faintly, and reach up to cup his cheek. “yeah. just... full. in every way.”
his lips quirk into a crooked smile and he kisses your forehead. “good.” he stands, stretching just a bit before grabbing a clean towel from a nearby shelf. he wipes you down carefully, not rushing, not skipping a beat. he doesn’t say much during it, but the way he handles you—like you’re something delicate, like this moment matters—says everything you need to hear. afterward, he throws the towel into a laundry basket, slips on a pair of loose sweatpants, and pulls a t-shirt over his head. he brings you one of his shirts, big and worn and soft, and you slip it on before curling back into his bed. he climbs in beside you and pulls the blanket over both of you, spooning you close, one hand resting low on your belly, thumb tracing circles into your skin.
you're just starting to doze off in his arms when the front door creaks open and you both hear the familiar thump of sneakers being kicked off.
“yo,” comes a male voice from the hall. jaehyun groans softly and pulls back just enough to peek out from under the blanket.
“junhoe,” he mutters.
a few seconds later, a tall guy with sharp eyes and dyed ash-blond hair pops his head into the room. he freezes when he sees you in bed, cheeks flushing slightly, but he raises a hand in greeting anyway.
“ah... so you finally brought someone home. what’s up?” he says with a knowing smirk.
“shut up,” jaehyun groans.
you sit up slowly, pulling the blanket around yourself as you nod politely. “hi
”
“nice to meet you,” junhoe says. “don’t worry, i’m cool with it. just—maybe not when my girlfriend comes over. she gets
 ideas.”
“no problem,” jaehyun replies casually. “i already told her about the study room.”
junhoe raises an eyebrow. “you’re letting her stay here?”
jaehyun just shrugs with that same smirk. “i don’t mind.”
junhoe glances between the two of you and chuckles. “cool. well, i'm grabbing some food and crashing. welcome to the apartment.”
he disappears down the hall and jaehyun flops back down next to you, draping his arm over your waist again. “that went better than i expected.”
“he seems nice,” you murmur, cheek resting against his chest.
jaehyun hums in agreement, and the two of you drift off again—safe, warm, and maybe just a little too comfortable in each other’s arms.
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a few days later, you’re at campus, carrying a stack of large framed canvases and a bundle of messy supplies balanced precariously in your arms. you’re on your way to return everything to the storage room after a long morning in the art studio, still wearing a paint-stained hoodie and some old jeans. your focus is on not dropping anything when suddenly, someone rounds the corner at the same time as you—and crashes right into you.
“whoa—shit, sorry!” says a familiar voice as the both of you stumble. your brushes clatter to the ground, but strong arms steady you, grabbing your shoulders gently.
you look up—and your breath catches.
dong sicheng.
he’s smiling, wide and bright, and for a second you almost forget how to speak. his hair is longer now, a little shaggier, his features more defined. he’s still beautiful, unfairly so, but the braces he used to have are gone, replaced by a dazzling, smooth smile. he’s wearing a soft beige sweater and dark slacks, looking expensive in that effortless way he always did. he bends down immediately, helping you pick up your supplies.
“y/n?” he says, looking genuinely happy. “wow—it’s really you”.
“i thought you were on a break?” your voice barely left your mouth.
“i was. but i came back early,” he replies, smiling.
you forcing a smile even though something tugs hard at your chest. “and you
 you look great, sicheng.”
he blushes a little, brushing some hair behind his ear. “so do you,” he says, kind as ever. “it’s really good to see you.”
you nod, trying not to let your emotions show. because what are you supposed to say? i missed you. i thought about you more than i should’ve. i wondered what might’ve happened if i’d just said something back then.
but you never did.
and now he’s here, standing in front of you with that same kind warmth in his eyes, and you feel it—nostalgia, longing, something bittersweet blooming in your chest.
you chat for a while, catching up on classes and schedules, and he insists on helping you carry the rest of your things to the storage room. you smile and joke like nothing's off. like you’re not thinking about all the things you never said. because what would be the point now?
still, as he walks beside you, close and careful not to bump your paintings again, you can’t help but glance over at him—at the smile, at the way the sun catches the curve of his jaw.
and you wonder if part of your heart still belongs to him. just a little.
after helping you carry the last of your things to the storage room, sicheng stretches his arms with a quiet sigh and then turns to you with that soft little smile you remember all too well. “hey,” he says, voice gentle, “do you have time for a coffee? i don’t have class until later and
 it’d be nice to talk more.”
you hesitate only a second before nodding. “sure. i’d like that.”
you end up at a small cafĂ© just off campus, tucked between an old bookstore and a flower shop. it’s quiet, the kind of place that smells like roasted beans and cinnamon, with soft music playing through slightly scratchy speakers. you sit by the window, sunlight pouring in and making his hair glow like spun gold. he leans forward on the table, hands wrapped around a cup of matcha, listening to you as you ramble a little about your classes, your projects, the endless deadlines. it feels easy. too easy. almost like the last year never happened.
eventually, curiosity gets the best of you. you glance at him between sips of your drink, then lower your cup and ask, trying to sound casual, “have you been seeing anyone lately?”
he blinks, surprised for a moment. then that smile returns—slow, knowing, maybe even a little amused. “no,” he says. “this year’s been
 intense. i’ve been at the dance academy full time, and trying to sort out all the paperwork to get back here took everything out of me.” he shrugs, rolling his cup between his palms. “didn’t leave much space for dating.”
you nod, trying to hide how fast your heart is beating.
“besides,” he adds, his gaze locking onto yours, “there was no one in china who really caught my attention.”
his words hit you in the chest, knocking the air out of your lungs in a way that doesn’t hurt but leaves you speechless. it’s not just what he says—it’s the way he says it, the way his eyes hold yours like he’s daring you to admit something, like he’s just waiting for you to fall into the trap he’s carefully set with his smile and his calm.
you clear your throat. “well
 me neither,” you say softly. “no dating. i’ve been really focused on school and, i guess
 there’s no one who really stands out to me either.”
he raises his eyebrows a little, his lips curling as if to say “really?” but he doesn’t push. instead, he changes the subject with a soft laugh. “i need to cut my hair soon. i’ve been meaning to, but with everything going on i haven’t had time to rest, let alone make an appointment.”
you hum in agreement, letting your eyes drift over his face, the softness in his features, the way his lashes catch the light.
“but i’m really glad we got to catch up today,” he says, brushing a thumb over the rim of his cup. “i missed this. i missed talking to you. i hope we get to take some classes together this term—maybe even work on a project again. like the old days.”
your heart skips. not in a dramatic, crashing way, but in a quiet flutter that you try not to show on your face. you smile instead, nodding, and say, “yeah. me too.”
the walk back to jaehyun’s place is a blur. your body’s moving through the city, but your mind’s still in that cafĂ©, replaying the way sicheng looked at you, the calm certainty in his voice, the not-so-innocent way he said there was no one who caught his eye. you keep wondering—was he just being nice? was he flirting? was it real? it shouldn’t matter, not after everything with jaehyun, not when you’ve already crossed that line with someone else
 but your heart doesn’t care about timing, or logic, or consequences. it only knows the warm ache of “what if.”
you don’t even realize you’ve arrived until you hear jaehyun’s voice calling out from inside the apartment. “y/n? you’re back?”
you step in, taking off your shoes as the door closes behind you, and he appears from the hallway looking a little flushed, a rag in his hand and a faint sheen of sweat on his neck. “i was just cleaning the studio for you,” he says, waving toward the small room down the hall. “it’s not huge, but with the light in there and some organizing, it’ll be perfect.”
you walk in behind him, noticing how he’s already cleared space in the corner, set up a small table for your supplies, even propped one of your canvases against the wall. on the floor, there’s a mattress laid out neatly with a pillow and blanket, and he turns to you a little sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.
“i, uh
 i don’t have a bed frame for the extra mattress yet,” he says. “but don’t worry, i’m not gonna make you sleep like that. not when you're my guest.” he gestures toward his bedroom. “so, you’ll sleep with me. i mean—not like with me,” he adds quickly, ears turning red, “just, you know
 in my room, you can have the bed if you want. i don’t mind sleeping here.”
you shake your head immediately. “i don’t want to take your space. it’s your room.”
but he just smiles at you, warm and sincere, and steps a little closer. “hey. you’re not taking anything. i want you to be comfortable here. i want you to feel like this is your space too, even if it’s temporary.” he looks at you for a long second, and then adds softly, “having you here
 it already makes this place feel a little more like home.”
and just like that, something in your chest tightens—not painfully, but deep. a pull of affection, of something dangerous and familiar. you swallow hard, nodding, and whisper, “thank you, jaehyun.”
he grins, brushing his shoulder lightly against yours before walking off to put away the cleaning supplies, leaving you standing in the doorway of your new studio, heart full of too many things at once.
later that night, after unpacking the essentials and arranging a few of your supplies in the corner, you finally let yourself take a shower. the heat is unbearable—sticky and heavy, like it’s pressing against your skin—and jaehyun’s bathroom fills with steam almost immediately. you linger under the cold stream, letting it cool your body, calm your thoughts, and ease some of the tension still wound tightly in your chest after everything with sicheng.
you dry off and change into the lightest clothes you brought for sleeping: an old, thin cotton shirt and a pair of soft, loose shorts. no bra. it’s too hot, and your skin still feels tender from the shower. you gather your damp hair in a loose bun and step out into the hallway barefoot, following the quiet hum of a fan.
you find jaehyun in the studio—his new temporary bedroom for as long as you're staying. he’s sitting on the floor, legs stretched out in front of him, leaning back on his hands with a small oscillating fan blowing directly at his face. his black sleeveless shirt clings to his chest and shoulders, damp from sweat. the fabric is tight, showing off the sharp lines of his arms and torso, and the light gray sweatpants hanging low on his hips do nothing to distract from the way he looks: hot, flushed, and visibly uncomfortable.
you pause at the doorway, arms folded loosely across your chest, and tilt your head. “you look like you’re suffering.”
he turns to you, blinking slowly, his eyes dragging down your frame. you watch him swallow before giving you a small smile, breathless and sheepish. “yeah, the fan’s not doing much. this room is like an oven.”
you glance toward the hallway, then back at him. “you should sleep in your room. it’s cooler in there, and the a/c works. seriously, jaehyun, this heat could make you sick.”
he shakes his head, lifting a hand to wipe sweat from his neck. “i want you to be comfortable. you’re my guest, and that room’s yours now. i’ll be fine.”
you sigh, stepping further inside and lowering yourself beside him onto the mattress, knees brushing. “you’re being stubborn.”
“maybe,” he says softly, then adds with a smirk, “but you look cozy.”
you shrug, glancing down at your own body without thinking. the thin shirt clings to the curve of your chest, damp in places from residual heat and humidity. when you look back at him, his gaze has dropped—locked onto your chest, pupils darkening as his lips part just slightly.
his hand shifts, subtle and tentative, reaching as if to graze the side of your breast with the back of his fingers.
your reaction is immediate—you swat his hand away with a light slap, not harsh but firm enough to snap him out of it.
“don’t,” you say, voice low, a touch breathless. “they hurt.”
he blinks, confused. “they hurt?”
you nod, rubbing your arms. “since that night. i don’t know why. my nipples have been
 sensitive. sore.”
he looks up at you again, something like guilt flickering across his face, mixed with an almost embarrassing curiosity. “shit. i didn’t know. i didn’t mean to—”
“i know,” you interrupt gently. “but i mean it. they’re really sensitive. it’s not just a little sore—it’s like
 they get too sensitive to touch. even clothes feel like too much sometimes.”
the fan whirs between you, filling the silence with soft mechanical noise. his shoulder brushes yours as you sit side by side on the mattress, skin still too warm, hearts beating louder than they should.
then, softly, he leans closer. “can we
 do it quietly?”
his voice is almost a whisper, barely audible above the fan, like he’s afraid of breaking the tension between you.
you turn to him with wide eyes. “jaehyun
”
he watches your face, eager but trying to be patient. “junhoe’s already asleep. he won’t hear a thing,” he murmurs. “and it’s not like he doesn’t know what we’ve been doing.”
you hesitate, biting your lip. “still, it wouldn’t be
 appropriate.”
he smiles a little, tilting his head as he murmurs, “maybe not. but that’s never stopped us before.”
he shifts slightly, and that’s when you see it— the prominent bulge straining against the front of his sweatpants, thick and pressing insistently against the fabric.
your breath catches. your lips part unconsciously, tongue darting out to wet them as you swallow, hard.
your body betrays your logic—heat coils low in your stomach, and your thighs instinctively press together.
“
maybe,” you murmur, glancing away as if that could tame the look in his eyes, “we can be quiet
”
jaehyun doesn’t need more than that.
he leans in, hand cupping the back of your neck as he kisses you deeply, hot and hungry and slow. your mouths move together in perfect rhythm, muffled moans swallowed into each other as his fingers slip beneath the hem of your shirt. his palms are warm—calloused in places—and they glide up your ribs, dragging goosebumps in their wake until his thumbs brush beneath your breasts, avoiding your nipples carefully, remembering your earlier words.
you arch into him, knees parting as he presses you down onto the mattress, his body heavy and hot above yours. his sweatpants are tugged down just enough to free himself, and he groans softly against your neck as you reach down, wrap your hand around his length, guiding him to your entrance.
the stretch is slow, agonizingly deep. your breath hitches, nails curling into his back as your thighs lock around his waist.
“fuck,” he whispers, teeth grazing your ear. “so wet for me already.”
you hush him with a kiss, the angle messy and desperate. each roll of his hips is slow, controlled, but the pressure builds so fast you’re gasping into his mouth, fingers fisting the sheet beside you as you fight to stay quiet. his hand snakes between your bodies, fingers circling your clit with just enough pressure to have your body trembling beneath him.
he fucks you through it—deep, slow thrusts that have you clenching around him as you come, mouth open in a silent moan, your body arching into his until you feel like you're floating.
he follows soon after, muffling his own release into your shoulder, breathing ragged, his arms wrapped tightly around you like he never wants to let go.
afterwards, he doesn't move for a while—just rests his forehead against yours, his weight a comforting pressure, your bodies still joined, slick with heat and sweat and something much more tender.
“still too hot?” you whisper, brushing his damp hair back.
he chuckles softly, kissing your cheek. “worth it.”
the morning sun filters through the soft curtains, warming the kitchen tiles beneath your bare feet. you’re already awake, hair loosely tied, moving about quietly in the oversized shirt you changed out of earlier and a casual, short dress—something comfortable and light for the heat. the apartment is still drowsy, silent except for the sound of the pan sizzling and the gentle clinking of utensils as you prepare breakfast.
jaehyun appears behind you, shirtless, with messy hair and sleep still heavy in his eyes. he blinks, confused for a second, before a small smile pulls at his lips. “you’re already up?”
you glance over your shoulder and smile. “yeah. figured it was the least i could do. i’m taking over your space, after all.” you point to the neatly arranged plates on the counter. “i made something special for you—salmon, asparagus with a bit of lemon zest, egg whites with spinach, and some avocado toast. something clean, for your athlete diet.”
he flushes a little, eyes dropping to the food, then back to you. “you didn’t have to—”
“i wanted to.”
he doesn’t answer. instead, he steps closer, so close you feel the heat of his body behind you. his hands find your waist first, then glide up slowly, until his palms cup your breasts. his touch is careful, slow, fingers massaging softly, like he’s remembering what you told him about how sore they’ve been since you had sex. you exhale sharply, feeling the pull in your belly again.
“jaehyun
” you murmur, shifting slightly. “stop. junhoe could see.”
he leans in, presses a soft kiss to the shell of your ear. “he won’t be up for hours.”
but just then, a loud voice echoes down the hall. junhoe’s speaking—no, arguing—on the phone. you both freeze. his tone is annoyed, sharp, like he’s trying not to yell.
you push jaehyun back quickly, and he moves just in time to avoid suspicion as junhoe enters the kitchen. his expression shifts the moment he sees you—his frown smoothing into a smile.
“damn,” he says, sniffing the air. “you’re really making this place smell like home. i might need to learn your seasoning secrets.”
you laugh lightly, cheeks a bit pink, and he drops into a chair like the argument never happened. jaehyun joins you near the counter, acting casual, though you can still feel the ghost of his touch on your skin, the ache it left behind.
later, you're sitting in your morning class, a warm cup of coffee on the table beside your sketchpad. it’s quiet, the soft hum of discussion and charcoal against paper filling the room. you’re halfway through shading the curve of a collarbone when a familiar presence draws your gaze toward the door.
sicheng steps in.
his hair is shorter now—freshly cut, the soft brown strands falling over his forehead in a boyish fringe that makes him look impossibly youthful. there's no trace of the braces he used to wear, and his smile is just as warm, just as bright, but somehow
 more refined. he’s dressed simply—black jeans, white oversized tee, sneakers still a little scuffed from dance practice. a tote bag hangs off his shoulder, half full of sketchbooks and folded dance clothes.
he notices you instantly, that same spark lighting his eyes. he waves, then walks over to take the seat beside yours like no time has passed. you smile back, but there’s something soft and bittersweet curled in your chest.
it’s strange—how seeing him again stirs all the memories like dust floating in sunlight.
jaehyun is like heat. sharp angles, smoldering glances, quiet control and intensity. he walks like the world bends for him, and he touches you like he owns your skin.
but sicheng is something else entirely.
his presence is gentle. like water, like a breeze, always moving around you instead of through you. he’s soft-spoken, thoughtful, and so expressive through movement—dance or drawing, it doesn’t matter. you don’t have to guess with sicheng. he always let you see him.
you find yourself watching him while he sketches beside you, his brow furrowed slightly in concentration, tongue peeking out at the corner of his mouth. you wonder if he meant it—what he said yesterday. that no one caught his eye in china. that he was too busy. that he was happy to be back with you.
and yet... you feel a pull in two directions.
your heart remembers how sicheng made you feel—safe, understood, like you were seen. but your body still aches for jaehyun, for the way he touches you, the way he whispers your name like it’s the only thing that matters.
you stare down at your drawing, your pencil hovering just above the page, and wonder how long you can keep walking this tightrope between nostalgia and desire.
the late afternoon light painted soft gold across the pavement as you and sicheng stepped out of the lecture hall, laughter low and easy between the two of you. your sketchbooks were tucked under your arm, the scent of coffee still lingering on your clothes. he said something about the way your shading had improved, and you smiled—genuinely, openly. it felt warm. safe. like home, if home had a heartbeat.
and then you felt it.
the heat of a gaze that wasn’t his.
jaehyun was across the courtyard, leaning against his car, arms crossed over his chest, black hoodie pulled over his head even in the heat. but his eyes—sharp, unrelenting—were fixed on you. or maybe on the way you looked at sicheng, as if he were something sacred, something carved out of soft marble and light.
your smile faltered for half a second. long enough.
jaehyun's brow furrowed, jaw tightening like it was holding back words he didn’t dare speak in public.
you said goodbye to sicheng shortly after, heart already twisting with the weight of what was coming.
the apartment door hadn’t even closed behind you before the silence turned heavy.
“so that’s him?” jaehyun asked from the kitchen, voice flat, almost too casual.
you paused, setting your bag down slowly. “what are you talking about?”
“the guy you were making heart eyes at all afternoon,” he said, turning around. “looked like you were about to drop to your knees and worship him.”
you rolled your eyes, your tone turning defensive. “don’t start.”
he took a step closer, eyes dark. “you really think i wouldn’t notice the way you looked at him? like he was the only person in the fucking world?”
you scoffed, crossing your arms. “and what if i did look at him like that? it’s not like you and i are anything.”
the silence after that was deafening.
you saw it—how his expression dropped, like you’d just pulled the rug out from under him. his shoulders tensed, breath hitching.
“so that’s all this is to you?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. “just... physical?”
you swallowed hard. the answer was on your tongue before you could stop it. “yeah. i thought we were just... blowing off steam. relieving stress.”
jaehyun looked at you like you’d just shattered something sacred. his hand dragged through his hair, a humorless chuckle slipping past his lips as he stared at the floor.
“fuck. i was really out here thinking we were building something,” he muttered. “that maybe... maybe this could be real.”
“jaehyun—”
“do you like him?” he interrupted, voice sharp now. “that guy. do you like him?”
you hesitated.
then nodded.
“yeah,” you said, voice soft but steady. “i think i do.”
he exhaled slowly, like he was trying not to explode. “right.”
you took a shaky breath, your own emotions catching up with you, fingers tightening around the hem of your dress. “maybe it’s better if we stop... whatever this is.”
his head snapped up.
“what?”
“i mean it,” you said. “you’re... you’re rough when we do it, jaehyun. even after i told you my breasts were sore, you still—” your voice cracked. “you kept touching them. like you didn’t listen. like you didn’t care.”
his face twisted in something between guilt and regret. “i didn’t mean to hurt you—i thought you liked it rough.”
“that doesn’t mean you can ignore me when i say something hurts,” you whispered.
he nodded, lips pressed into a line. “i’m sorry,” he said, stepping back. “i didn’t... i never wanted to make you feel like that.”
you stayed still as he grabbed his keys and water bottle from the table, slinging his gym bag over his shoulder.
“i’ve got training,” he said, not looking at you.
then, almost too fast to register, the door slammed shut behind him.
the echo of it left a hollow ache in your chest.
you stood there, alone in the quiet apartment, heart caught somewhere between anger and guilt. you hadn’t meant to hurt him, but the truth needed to be said.
still... it didn’t stop the sting that came with seeing him walk away like that.
and even though you’d been the one to draw the line, the silence he left behind wrapped around you like a second skin, suffocating in all the places he used to touch.
the gym was almost empty.
just the steady thump of fists against heavy bags and the distant hum of a playlist echoing through the padded walls. jaehyun stood alone in one of the back corners, shirt already soaked with sweat, jaw clenched so tightly his temples ached.
he'd been there for nearly an hour. hitting. dodging. repeating.
trying to erase the memory of your voice.
"you’re rough... even after i told you it hurt..."
the words played in loops in his head, louder than the music, louder than his own grunts as he threw punch after punch into the worn leather bag in front of him. his knuckles burned, taped up but raw underneath, wrists aching from the impact. but he didn’t stop.
"maybe it’s better if we stop."
he hit harder.
"you’re not listening."
harder.
"you don’t care."
his chest heaved with every breath, muscles tight, adrenaline pumping like poison in his veins.
"fuck," he growled under his breath, sweat dripping down his temple.
what the hell did you mean he didn’t care?
he did. too much, probably. that was the problem. he'd been trying so hard to show you, to express it in the only language he knew—touch, closeness, giving you his bed, making room for you in his world. but it hadn’t been enough. or maybe it had all been wrong.
and the worst part? he knew he wasn’t bad at this.
he’d never been the guy to leave girls unsatisfied. the girls he’d been with before? breathless, sore, obsessed. they texted him days later, months later, wanting more.
but you—you had made him feel like maybe none of that mattered.
maybe it wasn’t about the moves or the technique or how long he could make you scream.
maybe it was him.
his fists collided with the bag again, this time with a loud crack as one of the seams split slightly.
he didn’t even blink. just kept going.
“fuck,” he spat again, this time louder.
why wasn’t he enough?
why did it hurt so much to see you look at that other guy—sicheng—like he was art? like he was peace? like he was something soft and safe and deserving?
he hit again. again.
his mind raced.
did you think sicheng would be better in bed too?
gentler, sweeter, more “attentive”?
did you imagine him when you touched yourself now?
did you even think of jaehyun at all?
his vision blurred for a second, and before he could stop himself, he released a brutal, full-force punch with both hands—
CRACK.
the bag snapped off its chain and slammed into the floor with a dull, heavy thud.
jaehyun stood there, chest rising and falling rapidly, staring down at the busted bag like it was somehow your face, or maybe his own shame.
blood dripped from a busted knuckle. he didn’t feel it.
all he could hear was the echo of your voice, and the unbearable quiet that had come after you said goodbye.
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the rain hadn’t stopped all evening.
you sat curled on the couch, blanket over your legs, scrolling aimlessly on your phone but not really seeing anything. you kept glancing at the window, hoping to hear the elevator ding, or footsteps in the hallway. nothing. just the sound of the storm, the wind howling against the glass, the relentless rhythm of the water beating down.
where is he?
you chewed on your lip, guilt twisting inside your stomach. he said he had training... but that was hours ago.
you hated that you still cared. hated that even after everything you said earlier, you were still worried. still thinking about him.
and then—click.
the front door creaked open.
your head snapped up. footsteps. wet ones.
you got up quickly, padding toward the small hallway, and then you heard it—a cough. rough and dry, followed by another one.
you peeked out.
there he was.
jaehyun stood in the entrance, completely drenched. soaked hair dripping over his forehead, shirt clinging to his body like second skin—completely see-through. every line of muscle beneath visible, his chest heaving slightly from the cold. his shorts were stuck to his thighs, sneakers squishing quietly against the tiles. he looked like a fucking painting. tragic. stunning. broken.
you inhaled sharply.
“you’re soaked,” you said, barely above a whisper.
he looked up at you, blinking water from his lashes. his eyes were tired. dark. unreadable.
you rushed to his room and grabbed the first towel you could find, returning quickly and holding it out for him.
he took it silently, rubbing at his hair with a few quick motions. droplets still clung to his jaw, his collarbones, sliding slowly down his neck, disappearing beneath the curve of his chest.
you stood there, frozen, watching him.
watching the muscles shift beneath his wet shirt as he patted himself dry. your eyes couldn’t help it—traveling from the hollow of his throat, down the sculpted lines of his torso, tracing the trail of water that disappeared into his waistband.
his gaze lifted suddenly, sharp and accusing.
why the fuck is she looking at me like that? like she wants to eat me alive... when she’s the one who ended it.
he didn’t say it. but you saw it. written all over his face.
your throat tightened. “oh— you should take a shower... before you catch a cold.”
his jaw ticked. he looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t.
“yeah,” he muttered. and then, after drying his hands enough not to leave puddles, he walked past you, disappearing into the bathroom.
you stood there, heart racing, the scent of rain and sweat still lingering in the air.
later, when the water had stopped running and you heard his door creak open again, you knocked gently on the wall of his room.
he was sitting on his bed in loose shorts and a hoodie, towel around his neck, hair still damp.
“can we talk?” you asked.
he didn’t look at you, just nodded.
you sat down beside him. the silence stretched long.
“i’m going back the day after tomorrow,” you said softly. “they wrapped up the research earlier than expected.”
he nodded again. “that’s good.”
you felt the ache in your chest grow. heavy and stupid.
“i just wanted to say... thank you,” you continued, voice a little unsteady. “for letting me stay. for everything. i know things got complicated but... you didn’t have to be so generous. and still, you were.”
jaehyun looked at you then, something unreadable in his eyes.
“it was nothing,” he said. then after a pause, added, “i really did enjoy having you here.”
you blinked.
having you here.
did he mean sharing space? or sharing bodies? or something in between?
you didn’t ask. you couldn’t.
because suddenly, the idea of leaving felt like dragging a blade through your own chest.
but you smiled anyway. and nodded.
"me too..."
that night, the apartment was quiet—too quiet, except for the constant hum of the fan coming from the studio. It was the only sign that jaehyun was still there, locked away in that room like he wanted to disappear into the heat and noise.
you stood in the kitchen, stirring the last touches of the dinner you had prepared. the scent of garlic and herbs filled the air, but your appetite was gone. all you could think about was how everything was coming to an end. that in just two days, you’d be gone. back to your place. back to your normal life.
without him.
the thought squeezed your chest.
why did we let it end like this?
but maybe it was for the best. things were getting complicated
 you were starting to feel something, and not just for jaehyun. sicheng’s soft smile haunted your thoughts more than it should. and it felt wrong. it felt like you were betraying someone, and you didn’t even know who anymore.
you walked toward the studio and gently knocked on the door.
"jaehyun," you said softly. "dinner’s ready."
a moment passed before you heard his voice, rough but calm. "i’m not eating dinner. i’m cutting it three weeks before the tournament."
you frowned. "three weeks? that’s hardcore."
"it helps me stay in weight class," he answered. "and sharp."
"you’re really impressive," you said honestly. "so disciplined
 i don’t think i could sleep on an empty stomach."
you heard the lightest chuckle from inside. it made your lips curve, a warmth blooming in your chest.
"i was thinking," you added. "it’s getting really hot in there. why don’t you sleep in your room tonight?"
silence.
then his voice, slower this time: "i don’t want to make you uncomfortable. not after earlier."
"it doesn’t make me uncomfortable," you admitted, a little too fast. "what makes me feel worse is knowing you're locked in there, sweating your ass off just to keep distance from me."
more silence.
later that night, you watched him drag the extra mattress into the room. he didn’t say much. neither did you. he just placed it gently on the floor and started setting it up like it was the most normal thing in the world.
you crawled into your bed and faced the wall, but you could feel him there. his presence, his breath, his energy.
he was trying to give you space.
and it hurt.
was he doing this because you asked him to? or because he really didn’t want to be close anymore?
you closed your eyes, but sleep didn’t come.
not with your body still remembering the feel of his mouth.
not with your heart aching like this.
the room was still, humid with tension. jaehyun's mattress lay across from your bed, a quiet symbol of the space now between you. you could hear his breathing, steady and calm, and for a moment you wondered if he was already asleep.
you weren’t.
your skin was hot, your thoughts restless. every little thing about the day had only stirred the ache further. the weight of goodbye, the ghost of his mouth on yours, the memory of his body—
"jaehyun?" you whispered.
there was a pause. then, his voice, low and a little raspy: "yeah?"
you hesitated, fingers curling into the bedsheet. "can you
 kiss me? just once more?"
a breath caught in his throat. "what?"
"just one last time," you whispered again, barely audible. “before i leave.”
he didn’t answer, not with words. you heard the rustle of his blanket, the shift of his weight. then he stood, walking across the room and sitting beside you. in the dark, you felt his hand brush your cheek. you leaned into it.
his kiss came soft, uncertain at first. lips barely moving. a farewell. a memory in the making.
then it deepened—sweet, aching, slow. his tongue gently parted your lips, as if savoring the moment. like he didn’t want to let it go. you moaned softly against his mouth, hands sliding up his shoulders, fingertips grazing the curve of his neck.
his hands followed the lines of your body, but he didn’t push—just held you, like he wanted to memorize how you felt under his fingertips.
you guided one of his hands downward, over your ribs, across your stomach, lower, until his palm was between your thighs, pressed over your heat.
he froze, breath stalling.
"you're wet," he whispered, stunned. his forehead touched yours. "can i kiss you there?"
your thighs shifted, your core pulsing beneath his touch. and even though the rational part of you screamed don’t, your lips whispered something else— "yes... please."
he didn’t hesitate. slowly, he slid down the bed, pushing the covers aside, placing soft kisses on your inner thighs as his hands gently separated them. your legs trembled as he settled between them, breath ghosting over your already soaked folds. you were burning. aching. breathless with anticipation.
"you’re so fucking sweet," he murmured, lips brushing just above your clit. "i’ll be gentle this time. promise."
his tongue met your heat like he’d been dying for this. slow, deliberate licks, tracing you open, savoring your taste like a man starved. his mouth wrapped around your clit and sucked softly, making your hips jerk against him, a gasp torn from your lips. you slapped a hand over your mouth to stay quiet—junhoe was still in the apartment—but your body refused to obey.
"baby..." he whispered, licking a stripe down your slit. "you said this was the last time... but how am i supposed to let go of this?"
you whimpered as his fingers joined the party, slipping two inside you with sinful precision. they moved in rhythm with his mouth, hitting that sweet spot over and over, your thighs shaking around his head.
you were going to come. embarrassingly fast. "fuck, j-jaehyun—" "i got you," he mumbled, voice deep and thick against your core. "just let go. i want to feel you fall apart for me one last time."
your body obeyed his words before your mind could catch up. the orgasm rolled over you like a wave—deep, warm, toe-curling. you bucked against his mouth, clenching around his fingers, moaning into the pillow to muffle your cries.
when you finally stilled, breath ragged, skin damp with sweat, he kissed your inner thigh again. gentle. reverent.
he crawled back up, resting beside you, lips swollen, eyes dark but soft.
you looked at him. flushed, breathless, wrecked by his mouth, and yet aching for more.
"that wasn’t just a kiss," you whispered.
"no," he said, brushing your hair off your face. "it was me showing you that i fucking meant it. all of it."
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the next day, you were in class, sitting beside sicheng. the room smelled like linseed oil and graphite, the mellow scent of the arts building you’d come to love. your hands moved across the canvas, sketching lines with soft, deliberate strokes—though your mind was far from focused.
he leaned over you, reaching for a box of charcoals, and your hands brushed. just a moment. just fingertips. but it sent a shiver up your spine. later, as you both reached for the same jar of solvent, your elbows bumped, and you felt his warm breath near your cheek. again, it seemed like a coincidence, but every little contact made your stomach tighten.
you tried to concentrate, to breathe through the rising heat in your chest, but your thoughts kept pulling you back to last night. to Jaehyun. to the weight of his body. the sound of his voice when he was between your thighs. the way your name left his lips like a prayer and a plea.
you hadn’t even realized you’d been staring into nothing until sicheng turned slightly, studying your expression.
"you're distracted," he said softly, his voice like silk. “you’ve redrawn the same line five times.”
you gave a small, dry laugh and shook your head. “i guess i’m just
 tired.”
he tilted his head, that same calm, unreadable smile dancing on his lips. “that’s not the look of someone who’s just tired. that’s the look of someone who keeps thinking about someone else.”
your heart skipped. his gaze was gentle, but piercing. he saw right through you.
you lowered your head, hiding the flush that rose to your cheeks. “i don’t want to talk about it,” you whispered with a sad smile.
he didn’t push. he just nodded. “okay,” he said simply. “but you should come tomorrow night. the dance club has a small showcase. nothing formal. just movement and music. might help you get out of your head for a while.”
you nodded slowly. he lifted a hand and gently placed it on your forehead, checking your temperature.
“no fever,” he murmured. “but something’s definitely burning in there.”
you almost melted from that touch, so full of care. that was sicheng—soft-spoken, graceful, thoughtful. so different from jaehyun, whose touch burned like wildfire and left you gasping.
sicheng’s energy was gentle rain.
jaehyun’s was summer lightning.
when you got back to the apartment, the day had started to fade. you were packing up your things—your sketchbooks, your clothes, the small souvenirs you’d collected during your stay. junhoe was outside, laughing with his girlfriend. jaehyun was still at training. he had warned you it would be intense this week, but told you to call him if you needed anything.
even after everything, he was still
 good to you.
you ate alone. showered. and the silence of the apartment began to settle in your bones. it wasn’t just the heat that made your skin feel flushed—it was something deeper. more primal. your thighs rubbed together with a soft friction as you walked around your room, and the sensation only made things worse.
lying in bed, your mind betrayed you. you thought of his voice, his mouth, his hands on you. the way he’d whispered your name while he kissed down your body.
you shouldn't. you shouldn't. but your body ached. your fingers slipped under your shorts, brushing over sensitive skin. your breath caught. then deepened.
you moaned softly, barely biting down the sound. "jaehyun..." you whimpered his name like a secret, hips twitching, your core wet and throbbing from the memory.
you were too far gone to hear the knock at the door. too caught in the heat building between your thighs to register the voice on the other side.
“y/n?” jaehyun’s voice came again, more firm. “i’m coming in.”
you didn’t hear him.
so he opened the door.
and froze.
you were sprawled on the bed, your body arched, your fingers deep inside, glistening with your own need. you were panting, whispering his name in broken sighs, eyes shut tight.
his jaw clenched. his chest rose and fell rapidly as he stood there, rain still dripping from his hair. he hadn't even changed out of his workout clothes yet.
you opened your eyes.
and saw him.
the heat rushed to your face, but your body didn’t stop. not yet.
he stared at you like he couldn’t breathe.
you licked your lips, chest heaving.
“close the door,” you said softly, voice trembling, not from shame—but from desire.
jaehyun stood frozen for a heartbeat, rainwater dripping from his hair onto his shoulders, again, dark patches spreading across his shirt where sweat met humidity. his eyes devoured you—spread open, soaked with need, your fingers still buried in your pussy, slick and glistening under the dim light of your bedside lamp.
he moved.
the door clicked shut behind him.
you watched the muscles in his arms flex as his hand remained on the knob for just a second longer, as if trying to convince himself to stay on that side of the threshold. but it was too late. he had already seen you. already heard the way you moaned his name like a hunger. there was no turning back now.
he took one step, then another, until he was standing at the edge of the bed.
your fingers stilled, but didn’t leave your core. you kept your eyes on him, testing him. daring him.
“i couldn’t stop thinking about you,” you whispered, throat dry. “about your mouth... your hands
”
his breath hitched.
then, as if that snapped the leash he’d been holding all day, he moved. fast.
he dropped to his knees at the edge of the bed, his large hands sliding under your thighs, pulling you to the edge like you weighed nothing. his eyes locked with yours—dark, intense, but still seeking permission.
you nodded.
“say it,” he rasped, his lips barely touching the inside of your thigh. “tell me i can taste you.”
“please,” you breathed. “i need your mouth on me
 now.”
he groaned like a starving man given his first taste, and then he was on you.
his tongue swept over your folds in one slow, deliberate lick that made your entire body shudder. his grip on your thighs tightened, spreading you further, anchoring you against the mattress. he licked you again, then again, teasing the edges of your clit before finally sucking it between his lips and giving it the attention you were dying for.
you cried out, your back arching, one hand flying to his hair, gripping it as you rolled your hips into his face. he moaned against you, the vibration shooting up your spine like lightning.
“f-fuck, jae,” you gasped, legs already trembling.
he hummed in response, pulling you closer, burying his face deeper between your thighs. his tongue flicked, circled, then flattened against your clit in slow, rhythmic pressure that made your stomach twist in the best way.
and then—one finger slid inside you. then another.
you clenched around him with a moan that echoed off the walls.
he fucked you with his fingers as his tongue worked your clit like he knew every nerve ending in your body. it was too much. it wasn’t enough. your moans got louder, needier, your hips grinding into his mouth.
you were so close.
“i’m gonna—jaehyun, i—!”
he sucked hard, curling his fingers just right—
and you shattered.
your thighs clamped around his head, your scream muffled by your own palm as your orgasm tore through you like a wave crashing, your body convulsing in pleasure as you rode his mouth, unable to stop the way you trembled.
he held you through it, slow and patient, licking you gently, easing you down with soft kisses and slow fingers until your body finally collapsed against the bed, boneless and buzzing.
when he finally pulled back, his mouth was glistening with you. his chest rose and fell in heavy breaths, his eyes dark and wild.
and then, he leaned up and whispered against your lips—
“your turn to taste me.”
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the next morning came quicker than you'd hoped. the sun barely kissed the windows when you were already up, heart still aching with confusion, with memories—tender and hot—that clung to your skin like ghostly hands. you got dressed in something simple, but lovely. not for anyone in particular, or so you told yourself
 but deep down, you knew better. for him. maybe.
the chinese classical dance showcase was held in the university’s small theater, adorned with flowing red curtains and warm lighting that gave the place a soft, enchanted glow. there was a hush in the room as people took their seats, the air filled with anticipation and the faint notes of traditional instruments.
and then, when the lights dimmed and the curtain pulled open—he appeared.
sicheng.
draped in silk that flowed with every precise, delicate movement, his presence on stage was otherworldly. ethereal. like he didn’t belong to the same world as the rest of you. he moved with an elegance that stole your breath—arms extended in slow, sinuous arcs, his fingers painting invisible poems in the air. each leap, each spin, was poetry, full of grace and intention. time bent around him. for the minutes he danced, there was no past, no tomorrow. only him.
you were spellbound. your chest tightened with something sweet and dangerous. why does he have this effect on me?
sicheng twirled in the air as if he were defying gravity itself, his silhouette floating with a grace that felt unreal. his hair moved with the rhythm of his body, the folds of his costume danced like soft waves around him. every muscle seemed to flow with pure, clean, almost sacred intention.
your eyes followed him in a trance... but then, a blink—and the image of his body was replaced by another. more solid. more earthly. more raw...
the room was silent, save for the ragged breathing between you. the light was dim, just a small lamp casting a warm glow over the sheets. jaehyun had you pinned against them, his hair still damp, his eyes lit up. he had just made you come with his mouth, his tongue. and now... now he was looking at you with a wicked grin, a drop of sweat trailing down his temple.
“now it’s your turn to taste me,” he said in a low, husky voice, his fingers brushing your cheeks before guiding your face down.
you settled between his legs and took him into your mouth, savoring the heat and weight of his erection, feeling his body tighten with every move of your lips. your fingers traced along his thighs as you let him slide deeper, eager, hungry. he moaned your name, one hand tangled in your hair, the other caressing your neck, your shoulder... his hips trembling beneath your attention.
when he finally came in your mouth, you swallowed it all, never breaking eye contact, as if that moment was a statement. of desire. of surrender. of something you weren't sure was just sex anymore.
a sudden wave of applause jolted you back to the present.
the lights on the stage had changed. sicheng was now bowing, his chest rising and falling gently as he caught his breath, his lips parted in a serene smile. his fellow dancers joined him, their elegant costumes glowing under the soft stage lights, but you couldn’t focus on anyone else. just him. the way a drop of sweat trailed along his jawline, how the fabric of his outfit clung to his body in all the right places. ethereal, beautiful, almost not real.
your cheeks were burning. not just from the warmth of the theater.
you’d just spent the last few minutes with your mind between jaehyun’s thighs.
clapping like the rest, you tried to mask your daze, but your pulse was racing. your lips tingled with memory. and yet
 your eyes were on sicheng, on his grace, his soft composure, the quiet elegance that contrasted everything about last night.
he caught your gaze then—just for a second. he smiled. gentle. curious. and maybe, just maybe, a little bashful.
your hands shook a little as you held the floral arrangement you brought of white lilies and soft lavender stems, carefully wrapped in pale gold paper. you hadn't planned to bring flowers. it had been a sudden impulse at a corner stand on your way to the venue. but now, looking at his glowing face and flushed cheeks, it felt like the right choice, not until you saw him step off the stage, cheeks flushed from the exertion, his hair slightly damp with sweat.
you approached, heart hammering, and when you handed him the bouquet, his eyes widened. “for me?” he asked softly, voice like velvet.
you nodded, suddenly shy. “you were
 incredible.”
a faint pink spread across his cheeks. around him, a few of his dance friends whistled and nudged each other, muttering playful comments under their breath.
“damn, sicheng. didn’t know you had a secret admirer.”
“who’s this pretty girl, huh?”
he smiled awkwardly and turned to you. “don’t listen to them,” he said quietly, taking the flowers with both hands like they were something fragile. precious. “but
 thank you. really.”
you smiled back, heart fluttering wildly. you didn’t know what any of this meant yet. but you knew one thing: for those minutes watching him dance, the only person in your mind was him.
or maybe not...
his friends were still teasing him behind their hands, but in that moment, it felt like you and him were in your own little world.
a quiet pause stretched between you.
then—
“want to go for a walk?” he asked softly. “i still feel like i’m floating. and maybe i need help grounding myself.”
you smiled, heart stuttering in your chest.
“yeah
 i think i need that too.”
sicheng walked up to you with his face softly lit by the park’s lanterns, the same ones now catching on the edges of the petals he held between his fingers—the small bouquet you'd given him after the performance. his steps were slow, careful, as if he didn’t want to disturb the fragile stillness between you.
"thanks for coming," he said, his voice quiet, almost like a breath.
you nodded, still caught in the afterglow of watching him move on stage. the way his body floated, controlled yet weightless, like he wasn’t bound by the rules of gravity. you hadn’t expected it to affect you like this. but it had. deeply.
"it was beautiful, sicheng
 really. i couldn’t take my eyes off you," you said, almost absentmindedly. your fingers fidgeted with the sleeve of your coat, as if trying to hold on to something more solid than your drifting emotions.
he smiled, just slightly, but didn’t look away.
"you were like a feather in the wind
 so light. So fluid. i didn’t know you could move like that."
you kept talking, caught in the spell of the moment. and then, before you realized it, the words slipped out.
"that's why I liked you so much
"
silence.
sicheng blinked, tilting his head like he wasn’t sure he’d heard you right.
"you liked me?"
your breath hitched, panic fluttering in your chest. "i—i mean
 i used to. in the past. it was just a little crush," you rushed, trying to backtrack. "it doesn’t matter anymore."
sicheng watched you carefully, his expression unreadable. "so
 do you still like me?"
you hesitated. "no!" you said too quickly, too sharply. then softer, almost afraid of the weight your own voice carried. "no..."
but his eyes stayed on yours, gentle but questioning. you sighed.
"maybe. i mean, a little. i think
 the feelings are coming back. but i know you don’t feel the same way, and that’s okay. you don’t have to worry or feel pressured or anything like that, sicheng. i just hope this doesn’t change anything between us. i'd hate to make you uncomfortable. and if you want me to stay away, i will. just
 please, don’t be upset."
you looked down, cheeks burning, heart pounding in your ears. you’d said too much, or maybe not enough. you couldn’t tell.
sicheng stood there for a moment, as if processing your words. the soft rustle of leaves in the breeze was the only sound between you, a small, peaceful distance that felt so wide in the silence. he stepped a little closer, his eyes soft but intense, and then he spoke, his voice steady and calm, but there was a hint of vulnerability in it.
"don’t worry," he said with a gentle smile, his hand reaching out to lightly touch your arm, offering comfort. "i won’t be upset. i’m not going to ask you to stay away. i'm your friend, and that won’t change because of this."
He paused for a beat, looking at you as if searching for something in your eyes, something more than just the words you’d said. He wanted to make sure you were okay.
"but
" he continued, his voice dropping a bit, "i can't pretend i don't care about you. i think i always have, even if i never said it before. it’s just
 it’s complicated now, and i don’t want you to feel pressured either. so, let’s just take it slow, okay? we don’t need to rush anything."
sicheng's expression softened even further, and for a moment, it was like the world around you two disappeared. his smile wasn’t just comforting, it was full of understanding.
you were standing so close to him now, your heart beating loudly in your chest. the air between you was thick with unspoken words, with tension you couldn’t ignore. you hesitated, staring into his eyes, wondering if you were truly ready for what you were about to ask.
“now that you know
 can you do me a favor?” the words came out quieter than you intended, the weight of them settling heavily in the air.
sicheng blinked, his eyes narrowing in thought as he processed your request. “a favor? what do you mean?”
your gaze flickered away from his, your voice catching in your throat. you weren’t sure if you could bring yourself to say it aloud. but the urge was too strong, the need inside of you too overwhelming. you exhaled slowly, almost in defeat.
“can i kiss you?”
his eyes widened, the shock registering in the brief silence that followed. for a moment, it felt like the world had stopped. his breath caught in his throat, and you saw the uncertainty flicker across his features.
“you want to... kiss me?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
you nodded, barely able to meet his gaze. "yes... i just... i need to know. i need to know how it feels, how your lips taste. it's... it's been eating at me, this feeling. maybe... maybe it’s just to push this feeling away. i don’t know."
he stood frozen for a moment, his expression a mix of shock and something you couldn’t place. he looked at you for a long, lingering second, his eyes searching yours as if to see if you were being serious. then, he seemed to shake himself from the stupor and scratched the back of his neck, nervous and unsure.
“i
 i didn’t think you’d say that,” he muttered, voice a little rough, the words tangled in his throat.
he lowered his gaze for a brief moment, his hand nervously brushing his cheek. “i’m not sure what to think. but
” he trailed off, and when he met your eyes again, there was something unreadable in his gaze. “okay. but
 make it quick.”
you felt your heart beat faster at his words, the rush of anticipation and fear flooding through you. you didn’t know if you were making the right choice, but the craving was too strong, and there was no turning back now.
you took a step forward, the movement slow, deliberate. you could feel the tension in your own body, the nervous energy that seemed to hum through the air. his body was stiff, unsure, but he didn’t pull away. he waited.
with shaky hands, you placed them on his shoulders, feeling his muscles tense under your touch. his breath hitched, and you swore you could hear the thumping of your own heart. you leaned in slowly, your lips brushing against his for a split second. It was a soft, tentative touch, like testing the waters. But the moment your lips met, something shifted.
the kiss wasn’t just a kiss. it was a question. it was an answer. you were both asking for something, craving something that neither of you could fully understand.
you pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes, searching for any hint of what he was feeling. but before you could even process his reaction, he leaned in again, his lips meeting yours with more urgency this time. his hand moved to your back, pulling you closer. the kiss deepened, and everything around you seemed to blur, the world fading away except for the heat between you two.
the kiss was no longer short, no longer just a way to silence the burning question. it was desperate, as if you both needed more, as if this was something that had been building for so long that it couldn’t be contained any longer. his hands roamed up your back, fingers digging into your skin, pulling you even closer. you felt the heat rise in you, the growing need to touch, to feel, to be lost in him.
his lips moved against yours with a purpose, his body pressing into yours as if there was no room for anything but the two of you. the kiss continued, each second stretching into eternity, each touch, each brush of skin against skin, sending sparks through your body.
but then, reality hit. you pulled back, gasping for air, your chest rising and falling rapidly. his breathing was heavy as well, his eyes wide, lips still tingling from the kiss. you couldn’t stop the rush of emotions flooding through you—desire, confusion, fear.
“i
 i shouldn’t have done that,” you whispered, your voice shaky.
sicheng didn’t say anything immediately. he looked at you, his expression unreadable, like he was trying to piece together everything that had just happened. the silence stretched on, heavy between you. his hand brushed over his mouth, as if he were still feeling the sensation of your lips on his.
you couldn’t look him in the eye, the weight of your actions crashing down on you. the tension between you was unbearable now, and you didn’t know what would come next.
then, in the distance, you heard footsteps. jaehyun. he had finished his workout and was walking out of the gym, just as you and sicheng stood frozen in the aftermath of what had just transpired. jaehyun’s eyes caught yours and sicheng’s, and in that moment, you saw the flash of recognition in his gaze. he froze in place, staring at you both, the confusion and pain clear on his face.
his chest tightened as he processed the sight before him, and in an instant, something inside him seemed to break. all the thoughts, all the moments he had imagined between the two of you seemed to shatter. it was like a cruel slap to the face, reality crashing down on him, and he turned away, the pain settling into his chest, knowing that everything had just changed.
the sound of your footsteps felt heavier than they should have as they echoed through the empty apartment. you were packing your things, moving with mechanical precision, but your mind couldn’t escape the haunting image of last night. the kiss. sicheng. his hands. your heart pounding in your chest like it might explode.
everything about it was vivid. the heat of his body, the intensity in his eyes, the way he touched you... and now, as you stood there, surrounded by your things, you felt lost. something inside you had snapped, and you couldn’t figure out why. you didn’t understand what you had just done.
you had run. you hadn’t even thought about it. you ran from sicheng, from the confusion, from the storm of emotions swirling inside you. you ignored his calls, not because you didn’t care, but because you couldn’t explain something you didn’t even understand yourself. you felt terrible—empty.
you paused, feeling your body shake, your hands trembling. you bent over slightly, resting your hands on your knees, trying to steady yourself. the nausea in your stomach was unbearable, like it was rising from deep within you. it wasn’t the kiss, it wasn’t what had happened between you and sicheng—it was something deeper. something didn’t feel right. It felt wrong. simply wrong.
and then you remembered. the night before. the night you had been with jaehyun. you had been in his arms, lost in him, and it had felt real. sincere. everything about it had been intense, wild, and raw. but now, with sicheng, you felt nothing but emptiness. a hollow sensation that gnawed at you from the inside. why didn’t you feel the same way with jaehyun? why did everything feel so deliriously good with him? why had it felt like it was right, like you belonged there? now, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you had just made a mistake.
you sank down onto the floor, your back against the wall, and buried your face in your hands. the dizziness didn’t fade. the weight of your thoughts was suffocating. you needed to breathe. you needed to calm down.
but how could you calm down when you didn’t know what you were feeling? you had been with jaehyun—everything had felt so right with him, so raw and real. and now
 now it all seemed confusing. you had never felt this conflicted before.
you didn’t know if you could trust your feelings anymore.
and then you heard it—the silence, the absence of his presence. jaehyun. he hadn’t come home. you hadn’t heard from him all day. no messages. no calls. nothing.
he had left first. and you hadn’t even had the chance to reach him. you had tried, but it was impossible. the way he looked at you—the hurt in his eyes, the disappointment. you could feel it still. he had seen you, had seen the two of you together, and something in his expression had shattered. he didn’t want to see you anymore. not after what you’d done.
your stomach churned again. the truth was that you didn’t want to be in this mess, but here you were, trapped in a web of confusion, unable to untangle the feelings inside you.
you couldn’t go back. you couldn’t change what had happened with jaehyun or with sicheng.
and yet, here you were. lost in the aftermath.
jaehyun’s footsteps were heavy as he walked down the darkened streets, each step taking him farther from the image that had been seared into his mind. he had tried to push it away, tried to shake off the sting of seeing you and sicheng together, but the moment kept replaying in his head.
he hadn’t returned to the apartment. no, he couldn’t. not after what he had seen. not after the raw, aching pain that twisted in his chest when he saw you, your lips pressed against his. the image of sicheng’s hands on your body, his lips moving with yours, had made his stomach churn with a mix of anger and hurt. he hadn’t expected it—he hadn’t prepared for the jealousy that hit him like a punch to the gut.
his thoughts were scattered as he wandered aimlessly. he ended up at taeyong’s place, needing a distraction, anything to stop the storm of emotions that had overtaken him. he let himself in, muttering a brief greeting before collapsing on the couch. taeyong was there, of course, with a drink in hand, silently observing him. jaehyun didn’t speak at first, just grabbed the glass taeyong offered him and took a long sip, feeling the burn of alcohol slide down his throat. it was the only thing that seemed to calm the fire inside him.
“you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” taeyong remarked, his voice laced with concern.
jaehyun let out a bitter laugh. "no, it's worse. i saw something i wasn’t supposed to see."
taeyong raised an eyebrow but didn’t push him further. jaehyun didn’t need to explain. taeyong always understood. he leaned back into the couch, his mind replaying the scene—your face, the way you kissed sicheng, like you belonged to him. jaehyun felt a tightness in his chest. he didn’t know why it hurt so much. he wasn’t even sure where he stood with you anymore. you had been so distant recently, and yet, seeing you with him, it felt like a betrayal.
it wasn’t that he hadn’t seen this coming—he had. he just hadn’t expected it to hit him this hard. and now, every drink he took seemed to make him forget for a moment, but the feeling always returned. the hurt. the confusion. the jealousy.
jaehyun’s fingers tightened around the glass, his mind swirling with thoughts of you. why didn’t you tell me? his chest ached, but he didn’t want to confront you—not yet. he wasn’t ready to face whatever was happening between you two.
he didn’t know if he was angry, heartbroken, or just lost. all he knew was that he couldn’t shake the image of you and sicheng together, and it felt like something inside him had snapped.
“damn it,” jaehyun muttered under his breath, taking another sip, his gaze distant.
the days passed slowly, like honey sliding down glass—thick, heavy, and impossible to stop.
you left the apartment the very next morning. you didn’t wait for jaehyun to return. maybe you were too ashamed. or maybe
 you were afraid of what his silence truly meant. returning to your own place felt like stepping backward into a version of yourself you had outgrown. everything was still the same, but everything felt different.
unpacking was painful. every folded shirt, every book you placed back on the shelf carried the weight of disappointment. guilt clung to you like damp clothes. you had betrayed something you hadn’t even fully understood yet. something tender. something real. something that had bloomed quietly between you and jaehyun
 and now was ruined.
yes, you were the one who ended it. you had been the one to say "we shouldn't" back when things got too deep. you told him not to catch feelings. and still—you had let him back in the same way he’d always slipped through the cracks in your walls. and now, after everything, there was nothing.
no calls.
no texts.
no late-night knocks on your door.
even though he knew exactly where you lived.
nothing.
you cried for the first few days. not because he hadn’t come, but because you didn’t know what you wanted him to do anymore. you were angry with yourself—for wanting him despite it all. for needing his arms when you had no right to ask for them. sicheng had kept his distance too. and you? you let him. maybe that was for the best.
your friends tried to distract you—girls’ nights, coffee dates, random gossip and karaoke—but they didn’t know. not really. they assumed you had fallen for sicheng again, that he’d rejected you for good this time. and you didn’t correct them. it wasn’t entirely a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either.
two weeks passed. fourteen days without a word from him. and you were slowly starting to accept it.
until—
it was a thursday afternoon when your paths finally crossed again.
you were at the university gym, dropping off some flyers for the art department's spring showcase. you weren’t expecting to see anyone. especially not him.
but there he was.
inside the training room, under the harsh fluorescent lights, gloves on, sweat clinging to his shirt. jaehyun. focused. sharp. fierce. every punch he threw looked like it carried a piece of the storm inside him. his coach barked something, and jaehyun adjusted his stance, but his movements were tight. frustrated.
you froze outside the glass doors, unsure if you should move or melt into the floor. but then he noticed you.
his eyes caught yours.
and for a moment, everything stopped.
he didn’t look angry. he didn’t look cold. he looked tired.
he stepped out of the ring, pulled off his gloves, and walked toward you slowly, wiping his face with a towel. you swallowed, nerves curling in your stomach like fists.
“hey,” you said, your voice barely audible.
he didn’t answer right away. Just stood there, chest rising and falling, eyes scanning you like he didn’t know whether to breathe you in or let you go again.
“i wasn’t sure i’d ever see you again,” he finally said, his voice low.
“i didn’t think you’d want to,” you replied. you bit your lip. “you didn’t come. or call. i thought that was your answer.”
he looked down, exhaled slowly, then met your gaze again. “i couldn’t.”
his voice cracked just a little. “i tried... every day. but i couldn’t look at you and not remember
”
you stepped forward, just slightly. “I know, i know it was... awful.”
“no,” he interrupted. “you don’t understand. i didn’t stay away because i hate you. i stayed away because i didn’t know how to stop wanting you even after everything.”
silence stretched between you. the hallway suddenly felt too quiet.
“i ruined it,” you whispered.
jaehyun shook his head. “maybe. maybe not.”
another pause.
“i have a fight in three days,” he added, softer. “it’s my biggest match yet. national-level. i’ve been training harder than ever. but
 it hasn’t helped.”
you frowned. “why?”
“because you’re still here,” he said, placing his hand over his chest. “and i can’t punch that away.”
tears pricked your eyes, and your breath caught in your throat.
“i’m not asking for anything,” you said quietly. “i just
 i missed you.”
his gaze softened. “me too.”
then, slowly, he reached for your hand, curling his fingers around yours like he wasn’t sure if this was a mistake. like touching you might hurt—but not touching you hurt more.
“you coming to watch me fight?” he asked, with the faintest of smirks. “or do i have to win without you in the crowd?”
you let out a soft laugh, choking on emotion. “i’ll be there.”
“good.” he gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “because i want to win with you watching. not for you. just
 with you there.”
and for the first time in two weeks, your heart didn’t feel like it was splitting open. it just felt full.
the crowd was louder than you expected. people packed the stands, their voices rising in a chorus of cheers, whistles, and anxious calls. the atmosphere in the arena pulsed with energy, but all you could hear was your own heartbeat.
and jaehyun’s name being called.
you were sitting near the front, just behind his coach, surrounded by other athletes, trainers, and curious fans. the lights dimmed slightly as the announcer’s voice echoed across the arena.
“coming to the ring now
 jung jaehyun!”
you stood without realizing, eyes wide as he stepped into the spotlight. his robe slid off his shoulders, revealing the toned body you already knew too well, but now wrapped in determination. his jaw was clenched, his eyes locked forward. he looked powerful, composed—like a storm waiting to be unleashed.
but when his eyes scanned the crowd

he found you.
for a split second, his expression shifted. just a flicker of softness in the middle of all that steel. and that was just for you.
you felt it deep inside—something warm, something alive again.
the bell rang.
the first round started fast.
his opponent was no amateur—he moved with precision, like a shadow in motion. jaehyun didn’t hesitate. he dodged, countered, landed a jab. then another. you gripped the edge of your seat, body tense with every strike. he was holding his own. no—he was winning.
but then the second round came, and it got messier.
the other boxer caught him hard—right hook to the ribs, then a left jab to the cheek that made jaehyun stumble. gasps filled the room, and your heart dropped into your stomach.
he got back up.
you rose from your seat, whispering his name under your breath like a prayer. come on, jaehyun
 come on.
and he did. like a man possessed.
round three was war. each punch carried purpose, rage, and focus. his muscles burned, but he didn’t stop. he pushed through the pain, through the exhaustion, through whatever was still bleeding inside him. because you were watching.
he could feel you watching.
in the final seconds of the round, he landed a brutal uppercut that knocked his opponent clean off his feet. the crowd erupted. the bell rang.
and he won.
you didn’t realize you were crying until someone nudged you, telling you it was over. that he’d done it.
but all you could think was—he’s going to look for me.
and he did.
still breathless, sweat clinging to him like a second skin, jaehyun left the ring and walked straight toward you. no interviews. no press. no team celebration.
just you.
he reached you in two long strides, grabbed your face with both hands, and kissed you so fiercely you forgot how to breathe. the world fell away. no one else mattered.
when he finally pulled back, his forehead resting against yours, he whispered:
“i needed you there. i fought better because of you.”
your voice cracked as you whispered back, “i’ve always been with you.”
and in that moment—under the lights, in front of everyone, after all the silence and all the mistakes—he smiled.
because no matter how broken it had felt

you were here.
and maybe, just maybe, you were going to be okay.
cbeargyu💭 hey! i’ve been super active here today LMAO. this post feels kinda different from the stuff i’ve been writing lately bc fun fact this was actually the first fic i ever wrote for the platform. BUT i never posted it tho, it’s been sitting in my drafts since 2023 đŸ«Ł but i finally decided to upload it today!! it was supposed to be just a one-shot but it turned out way too long, so i’ll be posting part two soon once i go over it and organize it properly :D hope you enjoy it! it’s inspired by a manhwa i absolutely loved called peach sorbetÂ đŸ©· totally recommend it btw! <3
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ballowvalence · 7 months ago
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finished jentry chau last night and i have a lot of thoughts. SPOILERS AHEAD.
the good (broad strokes because there's so much to like in general!):
production quality is off the charts: fantastic animation, beautiful fight scenes, lovely character and world design, music perfectly complements the whole vibe. great style as well!
satisfying narrative arc: no cliffhangers, we get an A to B story line with character growth and progress. jentry ends the series as emotionally more mature than she starts.
interesting characters and engaging exchange and dialogue between them that mostly felt believable and realistic for teens this day and age.
the bad (my gripe in a nutshell):
the showrunners' decided to favor making the show work to what they'd prefer over cohesive character choices. (like they were trying to manipulate jentry's character around hitting plot points, instead of vice versa.)
jentry's forgiveness isn't consistent for her character.
the showrunners decided that the narrative would be more dramatic when/if she didn't forgive others.
gugu lied to her all her life about SO many things. we're given her reasoning, which we're meant to understand and relate to (she didn't want jentry to hate her/her parents), and because jentry loves gugu, she forgives her. i do not forgive gugu! she lied to jentry for 16 years about EVERYTHING.
this ties into how moonie is still alive as well. gugu knew! she could've EASILY have tracked her down. so she CHOSE to never try and reunite them. and MOONIE knew she was jentry's mother. how could you do that to your daughter? and jentry forgives moonie because she loves the POTENTIAL of her mother. what the fuck! i do not forgive moonie! she CHOSE not to be part of her life.
then we come to the only other person who begged for forgiveness for their secrets hurting her.
kit. he lied about who he was and his intentions. however, out of the him, gugu, and moonie, kit is the only one who does not intentionally obscure jentry's ability to figure out his secret, as in jentry is not forced to act for him to confess his truth. with gugu's secrets, she had to work to uncover them, and with moonie, jentry had to work to find her.
he is the only one who comes clean to her after putting his life in danger to save hers, and there's no way he doesn't know how fragile his painted skin is. he KNOWINGLY went to save her from the fire and risked his identity being blown because she was that important to him. (i remind you his death words started with "everything i did was for me." LIKE SAVING HER THEN??? THAT WAS FOR YOU???)
and how does jentry react? poorly, yes, because she hates lies (because of gugu).
but even after that, kit is never actually forgiven. in fact, jentry uses him, and then abandons him when she achieves her goal. it felt so drastically out of whack for her character that i wondered what was happening. then he is ostracized by her, and she rejects even his friendship and acts cold to him. she cuts him off.
it really doesn't make sense for her to not even want to be his friend. she bonded with him during the doppelganger experience. they WERE friends then. then she says she wants to be normal and pursues michael even when he admits to her HE isn't normal. so that's not it either.
only the narrative is what forces her not to forgive him because the showrunners need to hit the plot points of him betraying her and him needing to sacrifice himself later. (which i would argue his sacrifice really doesn't make sense at all. if you watch that scene when kit dies in her place, WHY would he even pretend to be her? if jentry had just worn the robes instead, she would've been able to defend herself as quickly she donned them as is shown after kit-jentry is attacked. it was a needless sacrifice!)
gugu is forgiven in this same episode for her lies. why can jentry forgive gugu and not kit (prior to the betrayal)? it just doesn't fit for her character.
jentry then goes on to immediately forgive moonie for never getting into contact with her. moonie ALSO lied to her her entire life. but somehow this is forgiveable now because it works with the narrative and the plot points.
anyway. that's my biggest gripe with the show.
instead of building the narrative around jentry's character, the show built a narrative and manipulated jentry's character to make it work.
also...
the mogai-human-form design was weirdly sexist?
when possessing mr. cheng, the mogai-cheng form is ugly and malformed and disproportionate. he is not conventionally appealing or attractive. he is not the same size or shape as cheng appeared. he is wearing clothes.
when posessing jentry, the mogai-jentry form is curvaceous and slim and appealing to look at. this form is conventionally attractive. she is the same size and shape as jentry appeared. she is not wearing clothes.
all of these are choices the showrunners made. they could've made mogai-jentry much more unappealing, but they didn't. for some reason, keeping her "attractive/cool" was the choice over what the design could mean. they did make her look dangerous, i guess?
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yaoireview · 9 days ago
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SPAMTENNA REVIEW (CLEAR DELTARUNE CHAPTER 3 + 4 SPOILERS)
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No one asked me for this one. This ones for me.
Yaknow I think its beautiful, we all DROPPED THE ZERO and got with the hero... I'm just trying to warn you all.. Tony will soon brainwash us all to the point where we ask:
"Who's Jevil? I only know Pluey."
Some may be skeptical, "How would they be gay...?" Well I'm glad you asked.. I have NO DOUBT in my mind thats im wrong. (Until another chapter releases and we have to fight one of spamton's exes as if we were scott pilgrim)
I'm gonna list some evidence of these two characters being gay, If thats okay with everyone.
EVIDENCE 1: I'm just gonna say it. The divorce was Spamton's fault.
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Going into Chapter 3 is like helping your friend through couples therapy, and after you show up and listen in on their session, you realize that your friend was definitely the problem.
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WE (yes, we.) ALL thought that tenna was gonna be irredeemable. The way that spamton talked this guy up made us feel like tenna is someone who kicks puppies on weekends and uses money from their job to donate to organizations that are trying to bring back public hangings.
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Then we meet the guy and he just has abandonment issues, yeah SURE he fought two kids but WHO hasn't?? (I surely have!)
In Tenna's battle, if you have one of spamton's equips on, the check dialogue will say this
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Spamton wants him DEAD. The kids weren't enough for him he wants to take his life too!
In the scene where Tenna and Spamton interact, spamton says
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As someone pointed out, this is REALLY messed up since the entire chapter, Tenna is scared of being thrown out and spamton's just here casually bringing that up
Its like the equivalent of your ex saying "Hey Aquaman how's it hanging! Wanna get back together?" when you told them while you were together that you're deeply afraid of the ocean because both your parents died in a shipwreck with you as the sole survivor of your family
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His greed sickens me.. thats all I'm saying..
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Don't act like you cared about the kids you sick fuck...
EVIDENCE 2: THE SIMILARITIES
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They just have a lot in common in a nutshell. Tenna and Spamton have so many similarities in dialogue its insane...
Theres a lot of things in Chapter 3 to insinuate that they were once business partners, like how the Z room (which you could only get if you REALLY SUCK) was most likely a room for spamton, and about how the glitched out posters were almost definitely of spamton and tenna together making out sloppy style
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Another thing that I've seen people point out is that the poster nearby Spamton's dumpster probably had Tenna in it also, but Spamton only ripped the queen part down that blocked him in a drunken rage, probably because he didn't want to see tenna's part
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The main biggest similarity that you most likely noticed during your playthrough was the usage of "HEY EVERY !" in a good chunk of songs in deltarune chapter 3. You wanna know who ELSE shares leitmotifs like that..? Toriel and Asgore.
Atleast they have shared custody over one thing..
EVIDENCE 3: THE DIVORCE
We don't know much what went down exactly between them but we do know that they ended off rough.
In the secret boss (or mantle side thing your choice) quest, a digital version of tenna will start talking about spamton
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After the phone call, spamton's face became pale, DASHED out of the room, and it seems like Tenna didn't see him after that (not including the divorce court)
Theres two options what could've happened, the likely one was
Gaster just called him: Maybe to just take control again, or to tell him to knock it off with the gay stuff. Maybe gaster's homophobic who knows!
Spamton did this little thing called acting: His ego couldn't handle telling Tenna how to be a big shot, and so he ran away when it was his turn to do his end of the bargain (This probably isnt the case)
Tenna helped Spamton all he could (from what we know) and spamton DINED AND DASHED when it was his turn to help Tenna, when he most likely didn't have any control over himself
I dunno if he could blame gaster when he told Tenna to invest into cryptocurrency though thats a LITTLE bit up in the air
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FINAL THOUGHTS:
I dunno about you but thats toxic yaoi if I ever saw it...
YAOI: 8.5/10
TOXIC YAOI: 10/10
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thoughtsonkm · 10 months ago
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Jeju pt.1 in a nutshell
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(more than that, I just love this pretty aesthetic shot)
The vibe was definitely different because logically two people (especially jm&jk) are gonna behave differently than a three person group. Just a matter of numbers, synergies and the need to deliver a specific product to the audience. Nonetheless it was so entertaining to me. I realize I kinda missed these three together sharing 2 braincells (1 for jimin and 1 for tae&jk). The first two episodes were so chill and they felt like they almost had a lowkey underground vibe as if they were in their own bubble away from everyone just living life in their little part of the world accompanied by a moody scene and dim lights while this episode was like a action packed manic episode, so bright so cheerful with childlike wonder. I'm glad they can still have fun together and always enjoy the moment.
Plus let's be honest jikook are gonna jikook no matter the place, time and people around.
Some of the funniest parts of the ep to me were: The contrast of Jimin yapping about Aewol and Tae&Jk eating like there's no tomorrow. The drive through ordeal. The perfect comedic scenario of Jimin chasing Tae to make him eat like it was the last thing he would do.
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Favourite reaction meme/face of the day. The betrayal, the suspense, the drama.
LOOK at this little bean stopping and collecting Jimin's 1930 shoes and going after his shenanigans like the dependable banryeo he is 😭 (remember back in 2019 when jimin called jk that and everyone went crazy and rolled with it for MONTHS? Good times)
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~
On another note it's actually very interesting how you can feel and see how in every second Jimin tries to be in control of the situation and always on top of everything, every angle and every concern. He also always looks so deep in thoughts during these episodes, it's like he's given himself the task to be the artist, entertainer, manager,producer and everything all at once in this show. I'm sure it also has to do with his own personality and being someone who looks at every minor detail, a perfectionist who tries to curate everyone and everything.
~
The way Jk's life flashed before his eyes when he saw blood on Jimin's lips ~ so fuckin cute
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And after Jimin's lip incident happened, Jungkook could not stop licking his own lips for the rest of the episode and probably day, I see you
THAT scene was so thought inducing, so ao3 ff coded it was insane. Just Jk silently staring at a dazzling and sleeping jimin in the ground. 37292 scenarios could've been played and then.. just walked away to take a shower (â Â ÍĄâ Â°â Â Íœâ Ê–â Â ÍĄâ Â°â )
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Not okay seriously! The concern, the adoration, the yearning.
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Blaming Jk for his actions was never an option. LOOK AT HIM
I LOVE the constant little comedic improvs Jikook do together, they're so fun!! You can tell that it's part of their usual daily thing (it's actually smth i also do with my friends and it always gets hysterical)
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~
The idea that they went on a private trip to Jeju in August and then went again for the show in September, fills me with joy. Love that they had the opportunity. Seems like they keep on going to the same locations twice, just so they can get that full experience with each other.
~
I kid you not, this is one of my top3 fav things they do together. JIMINSSIII - JUNGKOOKSSIII
The editing being almost backwards and all over the place really is a little off-putting sometimes, jarring even. Not keeping events in a chronological order is sus on it's own, like they're scraping for footage at this point..
And yes it is also kinda bothering me that it's been years and years of content creation and they still can't do a good job at translating and coordinating what everyone says, is it really that hard? is it??
Imma put her on blast just out of pettiness 😆
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crowlord8764 · 11 months ago
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Episode 19 in a nutshell
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Episode 19 is definitely my favorite episode, especially the fight scene with Gwyn and Ascencia, you can't tell me this isn't how it went.
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hyde-nd-seek · 3 months ago
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my three AU fanfics in nutshell...
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Two of them are aviable in Ukrainian language. The one with Amy Rose and Metal Sonic is still in drafts. The last fic with Gadget The Wolf and Infinite The Jackal has some chapters in English you can read.
All links belowâŹ‡ïž
Please note, that fanfic with sonadow will be reworked since I don't like how the story went, nor my writing.
Sonic Underground : Behind The Scenes
archiveofourown.org/works/608108...
ĐĄĐŸĐœŃ–Đș ĐĐœĐŽĐ”Ń€ĐłŃ€Đ°ŃƒĐœĐŽ : ĐŸĐŸĐ·Đ° ĐĄŃ†Đ”ĐœŃ–Ń‡ĐœĐžĐŒ ĐĄĐČŃ–Ń‚Đ»ĐŸĐŒ
archiveofourown.org/works/483428...
ĐĄĐŸĐœŃ–Đș ĐĐœĐŽĐ”Ń€ĐłŃ€Đ°ŃƒĐœĐŽ (ĐąŃ–Đ»ŃŒĐșĐž КращД) :
archiveofourown.org/works/455237...
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bookishdaze · 9 months ago
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Greek Mythology in Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes
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How will Noa's story be remembered by future generations of apes?
Caesar is remembered by the apes as a sort of mythic, god-like figure. An ape whose story has been passed down for generations to the point where many apes are familiar with the legend of Caesar, even if the true story has been distorted throughout time.
The movies utilize famous myths, legends, and stories that we are all familiar with, or have at least heard of, to create the legend of Caesar, and now Noa.
In the Caesar trilogy, Caesar is a Moses figure for the apes, who we know freed his people, taking them to the promised lands. We should all at least recognize the name Hamlet, one of Shakespeare's plays, that Dawn is loosely based on. In some versions, the angel Lucifer rebelled against God because he refused to bow down to mankind. In Dawn, Koba rebelled against Caesar because he refused to help humans, or mankind. And we all know what happened to Lucifer after betraying God.
We know these stories. They're familiar, even now that they're hundreds or thousands of years old.
So what famous stories will the writers use so that Noa's story is remembered by apes centuries later?
Well, Kingdom had an ape named Noa, who saved his people from a flood, and there was even a giant boat in the background. Okay, Noah and the Flood. That one's obvious.
What about some Greek mythology?
The Myth of Icarus and Daedalus
If you don't know how the myth of Icarus and Daedalus goes, there's still a very good chance you've heard of the saying, "He flew too close to the sun."
In a very brief nutshell, Daedalus, an inventor, built some wings for him and his son, Icarus. They put on these wings to fly away and escape King Minos, who is holding them prisoner. Daedalus warns his son not to fly too close to the sun because the wax will melt, but Icarus doesn't listen, and he falls to his death.
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I found some similarities to the myth of Icarus and Daedalus in Kingdom. Whether this is what the writers actually intended or not, I don't know for sure, but this is mainly for fun, and I wanted to share!
Before I get started, I want to thank @iamtotallycool because she pointed out similarities to other Greek myths after I shared with her my initial thoughts, and I will later point out which ones she came up with. Thank you for listening to my ramblings on discord, lol.
Noa as Icarus
Noa reminds me of Icarus, the man who flew too high and fell to his death. Noa is the first to climb above Top Nest, so this means he went higher than any of the other apes in his clan. He is soaring above the others, reaching new and dangerous heights.
Noa decides to go higher, wonderfully displaying his ingenuity by using some old rebar to swing himself up a wall that should've been impossible to climb. This reminds me of Daedalus using his inventions to help him fly, something considered impossible.
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But after Noa reaches the nest, higher than any ape before him, what happens right after? He falls.
In a deleted scene after the egg climb, Soona tells Noa that since he is the first above Top Nest, that makes him special, and maybe his eagle will be sun-colored, like his father's eagle, Sun.
And right after Noa literally falls into Raka's home, the wise orangutan says to himself in amusement:
"Apes falling from the sky."
Here's a fun detail. Remember that mural Noa looks at? On the far left side, if you squint, you can see a person with wings.
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I actually have a theory as to how Noa could fly in future movies that I'll link at the end!
Noa as Daedalus
Not only does Noa remind me of Icarus, but he also reminds me of Daedalus. Daedalus was a skillful architect and inventor, who built the Labyrinth for King Minos, where the legendary Minotaur lived.
We see the beginnings of Noa's architect side. He stays up late at night to fix both the fish rack and the electric staff. When Proximus (King Minos) learns of how Noa (Daedalus) fixed the staff, he tells Noa that he has use for clever apes like him, as if he wanted to use Noa's intelligence to help him achieve instant eeevolution. This reminds me of how King Minos uses Daedalus' intelligence to build him the Labyrinth.
And just like Daedalus who built the wings to escape King Minos, Noa devises a plan to flood the vault for him and Eagle Clan to escape Proximus.
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Trevathan is also like Daedalus in this story, who is trapped by the king, building and creating for him. Daedalus built the Labyrinth for King Minos, and Trevathan built the electric staffs for Proximus.
Fathers and Sons
Daedalus warns his son to be careful. To not fly too low, for the water will get his wings wet, and to not fly too high, for the sun will melt the wax from his wings. But Icarus doesn't listen, rushing to surpass the father.
This reminds me of how Noa feels a lot of pressure from his father Koro, wanting to make his father proud by telling him that he was the only one of his friends who climbed above Top Nest. Instead of praise, however, Koro reprimands him for breaking some other rule, telling him to stay away from where he is forbidden to go.
Theseus and the Labyrinth
@iamtotallycool pointed out how Kingdom also has similarities to the myth of Theseus, the Labyrinth, and the Minotaur.
The Labyrinth is an underground maze on the island of Crete where the monstrous Minotaur lives. Every year, King Minos requires sacrifices from other kingdoms for the Minotaur to eat. Theseus, son of King Aegeus, sets out to kill the Minotaur. Princess Ariadne, King Minos' daughter, helps Theseus to navigate the Labyrinth, and gives him a ball of yarn to help him make his way back so he doesn't get lost.
This reminds me of how Proximus (King Minos) steals clans (the sacrifices) for the expansion of his kingdom and to get the vault open, so Noa (Theseus) uses the help of Mae (Ariadne) to navigate the vault (Labyrinth) in order to destroy what is inside (Minotaur).
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During the scene where Noa and Sylva have their final battle, Noa has to run through the twists and turns of the vault, similar to a maze, while he is being chased by Sylva, similar to how the Minotaur battled Theseus. Sylva is even big and burly like the Minotaur!
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Ok, So What Does This Mean?
Alright, so now that we pointed out some of the similarities, what could this all mean? It's one thing to point out the similarities, but why these stories in particular? What is the message? What could this mean for Noa? Assuming this is even what the writers intended, we can only speculate, so this final bit is mainly fun theorizing.
Due to his hubris, Icarus flies too close to the sun, leading to his death. Could Noa develop his own hubris that leads him to his downfall, or takes him down a darker path?
The myth of Icarus can also be seen as a cautionary tale of the dangers of technology if not used carefully. Technology can be useful and improve lives, but what if it falls into the wrong hands? What if one is too overconfident with it, not realizing the bad it can do before it's too late?
Proximus couldn't get his hands on human technology, for he would've used it to hurt other apes. What about Noa, though? Now that Noa starts to learn how human tech like electricity works, what if he starts to bring forth technological innovations for the apes? What if he starts out trying to use it to improve the lives of apes, but he ends up using it for bad? Or what if other apes take his ideas and use it for their own advantage? The path to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say.
And this one's more for fun, but what if Noa were to actually fly? If you wanna read more of my ramblings, here is my theory on Noa taking flight. (Hint: It involves airplanes).
In Conclusion
If you made it all the way to the end, thank you for reading! I had a lot of fun coming up with these ideas and speculating, and I hope you had fun reading this as well. If you have any thoughts or ideas, feel free to share!
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elfdragon12 · 8 months ago
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New issue, new impressions!
This arc continues to set-up and gives the Autobots a little breathing room (though we know it won't last).
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"Abomination" has never been more accurate.
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Everyone's an art critic, especially Starscream when the subject is himself.
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"With the trigger tied to my heartbeat--and our little controller over there, if we stop ticking, so do you."
A smart move, but, let's be honest, this tactic never ends well.
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"A being that shares my goals! How fortunate! My name is Starscream and surely I am the greatest Decepticon you could have captured. I myself have been looking for the right fleshling to partner with."
"Oh yeah?"
"Oh yeah."
*looks at the first few issues* ... Yeah, yeah, that's totally what Starscream in this universe has been looking for.
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This whole scene... Definitely explains in a nutshell how Starscream went from stopping Ulchtar from squishing little critters to gleefully crushing humans.
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This is never a good expression from Starscream.
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YEEEAAAAAHHHH!!! THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER! Poor, poor Brawl!
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OOOOOOHHHHHH! So that piece of Cybertron neither burned up in the atmosphere nor sank into the ocean. Hopefully, Cliffjumper is hiding out there somewhere!
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"But we must focus on things more important than my own greatness. There is an evil that has grown in our ranks. Soundwave has--"
"You need not say more, Starscream!"
"Onslaught and I heard him plotting against our own fallen Shockwave! He is a traitor!!!"
This is all getting super juicy! 👀👀👀 Remember when Thundercracker was talking to Soundwave about how Shockwave was treating their prisoners of war? (I think it was issue 10.) Onslaught and Brawl certainly do! 👀
And then things hit the fan with the human squad.
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Man, the general was really the only one close to Starscream's level, wasn't he? (Also... We don't necessarily need to feel too bad for these humans beyond general sympathy. They worked for Destro, major arms developer and dealer who recently confirmed his alliance with Cobra Commander. Yeah, the underlings were likeable in a sort of incompetent way, but also part of an aggressive paramilitary organization with intent to overthrow governments.)
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I think these bits with the flashback reveals a lot regarding Starscream and Megatron's relationship, at least from Starscream's perspective, in this continuity.
Starscream may have willingly joined the Decepticons after Ulchtar was killed in action, but Megatron seemed to have dragged him down over the course of the war and pressed Starscream to do things he didn't want to do. While the lines blurred over time, Starscream's resentment never wavered.
And he gains a cat!
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Of course the one human he left alive was the artist!
Oh, a little tidbit from the letters section:
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"In regards to Ratchet, I will say 'never say never'."
It's not a promise, so Ratchet fans shouldn't get their hopes up, but DWJ is more loosey-goosey with what the robots can survive. It is possible that Ratchet still has some spark left like Skyfire/Jetfire? Starscream and Skywarp have survived a lot of punishment.
I would say this was a pretty interesting issue! We see, without the pressures of the Autobots or Soundwave, how Starscream can be effective in getting what he wants. He also has so much anger and resentment. Resentment out the wazoo!
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koalatysleep · 1 year ago
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YYH is actually a LGBTQ romantic tragic comedy masterfully told through subtext
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In a nutshell, Canon uses very sophisticated show-don't-tell techniques to SHOW us Yusuke and Kuwabara are in love with each other, while outright TELLING us the narrative misdirection that they're supposedly in love with Keiko & Yukina (almost every canon character mistakenly thinks this & tells us this deliberate misdirection), so much so that even Yusuke and Kuwabara themselves believed the other really is in love with their supposed female love interests!
Canon had to use such show-don't-tell techniques + misdirection in order to sneak in the Kuwameshi Love Story in 90's Japanese mainstream media where there's no tolerance for outright LGBTQ representation, especially in its heroes, but it's been more than 30 years after YYH was first created, so it's a frigging tragedy if people still think the love story is between the two heroes and their supposed female love interests who are barely in the story other than as narrative misdirections, so LET'S PEEL BACK THE LAYERS AND DIVE INTO THE HEART OF THINGS!
As always, proper meta with proof points, screencaps & larger canon context at this Kuwameshi meta series on AO3!
The latest addition to the series Two Steps Forward, One Step Back - Kuwabara's Retreat from Love is now up!
Now on to the post that sums up the romantic tragi-comedy of YYH!
In the above heartbreaking scene where Yusuke silently says goodbye to Kuwabara, Yusuke is wearing the same green jacket that he had on during Genkai's succession trials, when Yusuke and Kuwabara had their Arcade Date as per the Kuwameshi undercover love story meta, and both realized they're falling in love with each other 😭😭😭😭
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Yusuke's sartorial choices had gradually matured throughout the series until we saw him wearing more grown up clothes such as this dashing ensemble just before the heartbreaking goodbye scene:
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So the sudden reversion to the green jacket is a deliberate choice by Anime Studio Pierrot to tell us that this heartbreaking scene is Yusuke saying a romantic farewell to Kuwabara 😭😭😭😭.
In fact, Yusuke is wearing the exact same ensemble he had on after he first came back to life post car accident (green jacket with yellow vest over red flannel), when the first thing he did was to save Kuwabara's cat in a really sweet romantic gesture as per the Kuwameshi undercover love story meta. This symbolizes how Yusuke is now at the start of another journey just like he was after his first revival post car accident, and foreshadows how he'll promise Kuwabara to check in on him first thing after Yusuke comes back from the Makai, to see whether Kuwa got into the school he's aiming for, as a way to tell us Kuwa'll still be Yusuke's romantic interest even after the Makai separation. But I digress!!
To recap, when we last saw this green jacket, it was when Yusuke and Kuwabara first went all out to show off for each other in peak courting behavior :
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This was when Yusuke initiated their first hug!!! Look at Yusuke throwing himself bodily at Kuwabara!!!
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This was when Yusuke outright tried to kill Rando for hurting Kuwabara!! It's worthwhile to note Yusuke doesn't actually outright want to kill anyone else, apart from Toguro, because that was the only way to stop him! Both times are because Kuwa's hurt!! (Yusuke didn't want to kill that territory arc Dr Kamiya either, until he was forced to do so to save the entire hospital who were on verge of dying). This tells us that Kuwa is so important to Yusuke that Yusuke would actually break his own moral code (to avoid killing), if it was for Kuwa!!! This is canon literally showing us Yusuke would do anything for Kuwa!
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As per play-by-play proof points in The Chocolate Shake Date meta, after Genkai's succession trials when Yusuke started to realize his romantic feelings for Kuwabara, it's implied that he phoned Kuwabara for what he hoped was a 1-1 date, and Yusuke was actually trying to get Kuwabara alone all throughout that hilarious fiasco after Keiko unknowingly became the third wheel by crashing Yusuke's hoped-for date with Kuwabara after she bumped into Yusuke by pure chance!
Coupled with the fact that Yusuke was seriously creeped out by Keiko trying to kiss his unconscious body when he was still a spirit + the fact that Yusuke has never shown any romantic interest in any girl + many more canon proof points that I will add to the meta series in the future + the fact that my canon may have vastly different dialogue/meaning from your canon, I read Yusuke as gay (but feel free to interpret Yusuke as whatever orientation floats your boat, I just personally read him as gay as per the canon versions I got & reasons stated in meta).
Yusuke was always in love with Kuwabara from the start, which is why Yusuke was actually romantically pursuing Kuwabara in The Chocolate Shake Date!
Unfortunately Keiko's romantic interest in Yusuke (which was not reciprocated by Yusuke) threw a spanner into the works and prevented Yusuke from getting together with Kuwabara all throughout canon, as symbolized & foreshadowed by Keiko crashing The Chocolate Shake Date! (sorry Keiko, but I have faith you eventually figured it out & moved on happier!)
Thus, even though Kuwabara got an inkling that Yusuke may not be romantically interested in Keiko during The Chocolate Shake Date and Kuwabara started romantically pursuing Yusuke all throughout the 4 beasts arc as per proof points in Two Steps Forward, One Step Back - Kuwabara's Retreat from Love, Kuwabara mistakenly thought Yusuke was in love with Keiko after Yusuke gave his life to save the girls from Suzaku. That's right, Kuwa's 'prank' on Yusuke about the girls not making it post-Suzaku-fight was actually Kuwa testing Yusuke to see his unfiltered reactions so Kuwa could ascertain one last time how Yusuke really feels about Keiko! Unfortunately Kuwa mistook Yusuke's panic for the girls as romantic love for Keiko,
And so Kuwa Retreated from Love with Yusuke so he doesn't get in the way of what he thought was reciprocal romantic love between Yusuke and Keiko (just like he offered to let them be alone during The Chocolate Shake Date), because that's how nobly and selflessly Kuwa loves Yusuke - he wants him to be happy even if it breaks his own heart,
And thereafter Kuwa throws himself at Yukina as a way to try to get over his heartbreak and to process/express his emotions for Yusuke which he thinks he cannot show Yusuke (Denial & Transference are hallmarks of Kuwa's psyche),
Which prompted Yusuke to think Kuwabara really was in love with Yukina, and so Yusuke Retreated from Love with Kuwa because Yusuke is also a noble idiot in love who wants Kuwa to be happy even if it breaks his heart,
And even though they each got an inkling after the events of the Dark Tournament that the other might be in love with them, and they're almost on the verge of stopping their Retreat from Love with each other, especially Yusuke,
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Sensui hit them with his shit and Yusuke sacrificed himself nobly so he can save Kuwa, all his friends and the entire human realm, and even though this is when Kuwa finally breaks through his Denial and his Transference which are hallmarks of Kuwa's psyche and outright admits that Yusuke's the one he's been in love with from the beginning as per proof points in It's All in the Eyes + Denial is a river that runs long and deep meta,
Yusuke was reborn as a Mazoku who is so much stronger than Kuwa felt he could ever become as a human (Kuwa has felt inadequate since 4 beasts arc), that Kuwa felt he could no longer protect Yusuke against the S-class opponents he'd face, and since fighting to protect Yusuke was one of the reasons (in Kuwa's mind) that Kuwa could 'legitimately' be with Yusuke even though he's supposed to give Yusuke space with Keiko (because fighting to protect Yusuke is something that Kuwa could do for Yusuke that Keiko can't), and so Kuwa Retreated from Love again, this time into studying,
While Yusuke knows he cannot afford to lose Kuwa after having lost Kuwa in the Dark Tournament and nearly a second time to Sensui, and at this point in time Yusuke just felt that he's Bad News for the one he loves (Kuwa), he only puts Kuwa in danger and stress, and he can't keep Kuwa safe from an unknown S-class ancestor demon who could take over Yusuke's mind at any time, just like he felt he failed to protect Kuwa against Toguro and Sensui,
And so Yusuke Retreats from Love yet again and goes alone to the Makai in this heartbreaking goodbye scene, even though his yearning and longing for Kuwabara to be with him is SO FUCKING PALPABLE I FELT IT IN MY HEART WHILE WATCHING THIS EVEN BEFORE I CLUED INTO KUWAMESHI!!!!
FUCKING HELL!!!! WHY ARE THESE TWO IDIOTS SO FUCKING NOBLE IN LOVE?!??!??!
And that in a nutshell is how our two idiots in love are in a romantic tragi-comedy all throughout canon!!!!!!
WHAT I WOULDN"T GIVE TO SEE YUSUKE AND KUWABARA GET TOGETHER I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Check out the Kuwameshi Meta Series if you wanna, because I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SCREAM ENOUGH ABOUT THESE TWO!!!!!!
If you'd like to see them fulfill their romantic potential with each other in fic, check out The Good Fight which guarantees a much more satisfying narrative than the bittersweet one we got in canon!
Not that I'm complaining about canon, because IT IS FUCKING MASTERFUL I TELL YOU! So much so that it managed to sneak in one of the greatest love story of all time under the radar in uber conservative 90's Japan mainstream media where LGBTQ love stories were not allowed any representation, and it did it in such a rich subtextual way that holds up to the most stringent literary analysis and character analysis, that most heteronormative audiences over the past 30+ years since YYH was created still doesn't realize the real love story is between Yusuke and Kuwabara!!!
Now, THAT is Great ART! 😭😭
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jolieblack · 1 year ago
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Jolie’s thoughts on Silver Blaze (Sherlock & Co. podcast) Parts 1 & 2

 because I can already tell that this will get too long if I wait for parts 3 & 4 to drop

I know Joel has said in several places that this case is his favourite ACD story, so expectations are high
 and not being disappointed so far!
I already loved this one at 3 minutes in, with the opening montage of part 1 being totally over the top, mega blockbuster crime of the century style, and then the next thing we get is Sherlock practising the clippity-clop thing and looking for a new home for 327 ants.
Sherlock being a train geek (of course he is) and going on about the ghost trains just after John went on about the creepy Dartmoor legends got me, too. In my book, Silver Blaze has never had a gothic horror vibe to it, but it may well have now! Let’s see how that aspect will develop.
Other details I loved:
John‘s mum: "He‘s a very sensitive boy and you need to respect that." - "He’s not a boy, he’s a man
 who plays with ants."
John and Mariana pushing Sherlock into the case by threatening him with a party, and John being a gleefully cackling little bugger about it when it works.
"Just trying to understand how your brain works." - "Yeah, you and me both, mate."
Sherlock giving us a whole paragraph straight out of ACD (the "plethora" bit) - I love how well it always works in contrast with how everyone else in this universe talks.
The dodgy SD card, which - I hereby predict - will turn out to be more than a comedy element as the case progresses.
Sherlock deducing the entry code for the cottage, we love to see that kind of stuff, don’t we.
"We’ve got a horse to find. Giddy up."- Love it when Sherlock speaks ordinary colloquial modern English like a foreign language.
"You are a child, a giant crime-solving child!" - Sherlock Holmes in a nutshell.
"I’ve done the washing up - he said, pausing for a thank you - " - "Thank you."
Oh and scrolling on our phone to the point of existential crisis till we pass out is so how we all fall asleep these days, isn’t it. Jonk Watson, the true Everyman for the 21st century.
And then we get feeeeels, too!
Starting with "Talk to me, John." - đŸ„čđŸ„čđŸ„č The incredible intimacy of that little moment. Also, another 'John', seemingly out of nowhere - is this Sherlock being incredibly finely attuned to the moments where John's war trauma may re-emerge, such as in this scene where they’re viewing a very badly injured body, ready to step in with whatever emotional support may be needed? If so, our boy has come a long way already since the first sweet but clumsy "Would you like to hold hands and talk about your emotions?" when they were viewing the body in Thor Bridge and I’M HERE FOR IT.
And what was that shower scene??? Things getting very much *less weird* for Sherlock while he stares at his dear companion in the shower (who presumably doesn’t shower fully or even half dressed) and imagines what life would be without him? If this show was heading in an unequivocal Johnlock direction, I‘d say this was an awakening. As it is, I don’t believe for a second that Sherlock was high. He just wanted reassurance that John would stay in the picture forever, whatever exactly you like to imagine the picture to be. 😭
More lovely details:
"Cinderella will go to the ball" - "You stop being so bloody clever, and I will stop with the compliments." And literally two minutes later it’s "I'm not asking you to be comfortable, I’m asking you to help me solve the case!" and John being Sherlock’s literal beast of burden so Sherlock can look over a wall that even little John Watson climbs without any assistance only a minute later.
Sherlock Holmes telling John Watson to get on his knees as if this isn’t the moment the Sherlock Holmes fandom has been waiting for for over 140 years.
Sherlock being gentle and friendly with the horse!
And to wrap up, a few thoughts on the case aspect:
[Warning: Contains spoilers for the original ACD story and may therefore contain spoilers for this version, too!]
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The limping sheep in part 1 had me going 👀 already, and now the cataract knife has made its appearance, I really don’t expect a lot of surprises when we get to the denouement, and I'm assuming that the fact that there is an imprint of the letter S from the walking stick on the head of the murder victim just means that there was a violent confrontation quite some time before June actually died. Why else would Sherlock agree with Inspector Gregory that the imprint is there, but also with John that those extensive and massive injuries could not have been caused by a single blow with a stick? Nope, not sensing any dramatic plot twists compared to the original version this time. Let’s see if I was right!
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someprettyname · 1 year ago
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So I was bored yesterday night and I took a few 'who's by bllk bf' quizzes...out of which on one quiz I got...
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and this one particular quiz and it's questions made me realise....
CRAP❗❗
Everyone has that one character they find the most interesting/fascinating and notice the FIRST, mine was Kunigami.
Fuck. I still remember it. It was this scene...
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And then he said "I like to play it fair." And my mind INSTANTLY ran back to all the moments and I realised he was NOT one of those mean guys who was at other's throat. (I mean, pardon. When I started blue lock that's how I summarised it in a nutshell : teenage boys at each other's throat to achieve their goal. I mean, it was pretty early on in the show so I didn't have individual opinions on every character.)
It was that moment that I realised he was actually a calm guy who had morals and principles (hot. Very very hot.) AND HE DID stick to them at all times.
I mean, even after wild card, he still does. Let's not forget that he did assist Isagi in his goal. He has gotten harsh with words, so what? He has gotten more cold, so what? He has become more of a lone wolf, so what?
SO. WHAT?
Let's sit down. I have a few things to say. [ Long post under the cut.]
I'll never understand why this fandom is SO mean to him. First of all, not all cold/rude guys are BAD. Besides, we haven't seen him interact with non-rivals/normal people after wild card. Second of all, honestly? What do y'all even expect? Have you not gone through a high stress period? Have you not been through a VERY INTENSE trauma in a VERY SHORT period?
If you haven't, you better not comment on my baby or i WILL fight you. 😠
Let's not forget he had to beat 264 HUNGRY AND VILLAINOUS guys in wild card. (I mean, our MC Isagi himself came to that point many times throughout season 1 where his dreams were at stakes. If those kids were so intense in blue lock can you imagine what would've happened in wild card? Yep. 100x worse. I wouldn't be surprised if there were sabotage attempts at him multiple times. Or if what happened at wild card is WAY worse than what we are expecting. Then would y'all come back apologising, just like you did with Kaiser?)
And as of what we know about wild card, a lot of factors were out of the control of a player. I mean, how your body is and whether you can shape it to be ambidextrous is NOT in your control. Of course in that case he worked the hardest to stay in the competition. He's still going VERY STRONG for someone who has pushed himself past his limits and overworked himself. (You don't understand guys, the changes he bought to his body...how much time did he even had for that? 1 month? 2 month? No. As someone who has been to gym and been on a good diet with muscle training and weight lifting, those changes are TOO BIG to be easily achieved in that span of time. If you do weight training you'd know how tough it is. Only then would you know JUST HOW MUCH my sweetheart boy pushed himself 😟)
I hope kaneshiro gives us more details about what EXACTLY happened in wild card. How was his experience there? What was done to him? But, even without that, anyone with basic empathy can say it wasn't a very good place to be. Your passion, your dreams at stake, you're overworking yourself and that too SEVERELY, and on top of all that you are CURBED of your orginal play style and have to copy someone else. That sounds HORRENDOUS. And he went through all that. He survived all that. He probably doesn't even realised he survived something which would have KILLED someone else. Literally. He's a damn warrior. Fucking give him credits for that guys. Why is no one talking about this? Y'all just make memes and slander him, which, fine. But no respect post? No character analysis?
We, as a fandom, have failed him :(
My baby đŸ„ș he deserves the world đŸ€§
And DO NOT FUCKING GIVE ME "geez what's so big about it? He can't play for Japan? There are other teams out there." No. Stop. Are you stupid? Do you not get it? His rivals, his biggest competitors are right here, in blue lock. If he or ANYONE for that sake, loses here, it'd break their confidence. Break as in SHATTER their confidence and self belief. Putting everything at stake and giving something your ALL without a plan B is SCARY. Sure thing he can play for other national team, but at the back of his head...that one voice saying "You're a loser. You lost to those guy who were competing to be the best. Leave alone being the best, you aren't even in the league of the ones aspiring to be the best." Do you know how tough it is to overcome it and shake it off? Blue lock is something all those disqualified kids were in for a few months, but the trauma of that failure they're carrying with them is gonna last....who knows how long?
If I could, I would take all the Kunigami hate and disrespect and direct it towards that monk boy. I DESPISE him oh my god. If anything, we should be thanking Kunigami (REO stans, I'm looking at you). If we look plot wise, he and Reo were at equal chances of losing at blue lock and of course, OF COURSE Reo was chosen. Mikage is not a character who was designed to someone who has the potential to survive wild card. Kunigami was someone who's muscle power and build was highlighted since the beginning. Besides, that match with Shidou (I don't count the monk dude as a player) must've served to humble REO. That's good atleast. The only way REO and Kunigami could BOTH survive after losing that match was this. So if Kunigami was chosen, REO would've been sacrificed.
I trust kaneshiro as a writer and that's why I'm so curious on what is he trying to convey through Kunigami's story. Is it the harsh and toxic reality that for some people, just good principles won't help you be successful and that you need atleast some toughening up and at least SOME amount of evil to excel? Because if yes, then FUCK YOU KANESHIRO. You didn't have to attack me like that. Ouch. That hurt.
By any chance, if you look closely, the day he beats Shidou I'll be the one cheering the loudest :)
Not because I have any resentment against Shidou. No. Not at all. But because of the metaphor that win would carry. :) [ and I love my orange head too much anyways ]
You might say, oh he has become so rude and villainous, and THAT'S THE POINT. He was NOT like this, and at the core, people don't change so easily. So if he's so hard on other people, can you imagine what he's like to HIMSELF? What self depreciation and roughness he puts himself through? If you're gifted with a good empathy or have gone through similar experiences in a way or the other, you might be able to tell.
Hm. That's enough yapping for now. I feel better. Now if you will, I'd like to go and fantasise wrapping him up in a warm blanket, give him hot chocolate, then lay him down on my lap, run my fingers through his hair (flufffff) and let him cry...or....vent. both maybe. Whatever he wants. Because, i don't know about you guys, but I still love him. And I have it in me to be strong for him and help him heal.
Kunigami Rensuke, Mi amor. You deserve the world. ♄
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ananke-xiii · 7 months ago
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The “body without organs” of Mary Winchester (and
 Jimmy Novak).
When I started to pull the resurrection thread in the narrative of Supernatural I identified Castiel’s team-work resurrection in S13 and Mary’s impossible resurrection in S14 as my two main reference points from where I could develop this whole fantasy of mine. My initial idea in a nutshell was the following: Chuck, at certain point, decided that he didn’t want Cas back. He also decided that he didn’t want Mary back. So I asked myself why, of course. There are two characters behind Cas and Mary’s resurrections and these are Jack and Amara. So I thought it was cool to assume that Jack and Amara were what really went wrong in Chuck’s story. Since the show ends with a dethroned Chuck and with the union of Jack and Amara as the new “top dog” in town, it seems like it isn’t just a cool assumption but it’s possibly also correct (correct, again, in my fantasy, because we never saw Amara in the finale so this is just my mind grasping for meaning that makes sense to me).
What I didn’t expect to find while I was resurrecting the narrative threads of this dead show is that, ultimately, Mary Winchester is basically a Jimmy Novak minus Castiel. I’ll explain what I mean by this in a minute but I first want to say that I didn’t expect such a triangulation was going to come up. I already was aware of the connection between the theme of birth/motherhood/death and Castiel but I was surprised to find Jimmy Novak there, too.
Before going on I have to declare a little bit of defeat (for now). I believe that my mind can do any kind of cerebral somersaults but I’m a bit at loss (for now) about the reason why Jimmy Novak was resurrected after Raphael killed Castiel. Jimmy-as-soul doesn’t come back when Lucifer kills Castiel and I can’t come up with, let’s say, “diegetic” reasons to explain it. Is it because Raphael was less powerful than Lucifer? Mmmh. Is it just God’s will? Double mmmh. These reasons don’t satisfy me and I can’t help but see the cogs of the wheel turning behind the scenes, aka the same thing that happened to Final Ruby:
RUBY: Proof. This body is one-hundred percent socially conscious. I recycle. Al Gore would be proud. [
] You didn’t want me to take a body with someone in it, and I made sure that the spirit was gone. Apartment was empty. You happy?
Just like Ruby, who allegedly seems on Sam’s side in S4 and therefore “good”, couldn’t be a demon possessing an innocent (since they wanted Sam and Ruby to make out hard
 the implications would've been
 unpleasant), Castiel, too, couldn't keep sharing his vessel with his rightful owner (Off-topic: further proof that Ruby and Castiel are two different sides of the same character). This is all to say that the show was very aware of the implications of their favourite metaphors and had to come up with creative ways to get around the “law” that they themselves had created.
In other words, Jimmy Novak’s “empty apartment” was a necessary sacrifice to keep Castiel-as-character around (well, apparently, much like Chuck, some showrunners didn’t exactly want Castiel-as-character around but let’s stash this as further proof for the “Chuck is the writers” theory).
Jimmy’s body goes Through.A.Lot. from S4 to S13 where it ends up on a pyre with Kelly Kline’s corpse (!!! The things I have to say about this!!!). From S5 onwards, however, Jimmy’s not “in there” anymore so we can all breathe out because at least this poor man/character wasn’t actually “in there” to suffer and be testimony to all the sufferings. But his body and his new tenant did.
As I’ve said before, after Cas’ resurrection in S13 I don’t know how but I do know that Cas gets back complete with Jimmy’s body and I personally like to think that Cas’ physical appearance from S13 is his own. It’s his “body”. He stole Jimmy’s looks but it’s not Jimmy’s body anymore. Cas’ body is
 a replica (of Jimmy’s)
 capable of holding
 grace. In an unexpected turn of events, then, Jimmy’s body goes from awesome vessel coveted by all angels to a copy of itself. And this process actually frees poor Jimmy’s body from angelic tyranny (as if moving from vessel to copy can even be described as... freedom but anyway). How could this even be possible? Nothing comes from nothing, right?
Well, well, well! How lucky for me that Supernatural had established itself as a universe were “formless matter” was “just there, waiting to be born” and for God to pick and do what he pleases! So I finally come full-circle with my “Jack-as-hidden-threat” thesis: by waking Cas up in the Empty, Jack is creating his father who had gone back to being “formless matter”. In other words, Jack was already God in that he had the capacity to do the same things that God did. This is, by the way, the reason why the angels correctly identified him as the entity who could’ve been able to create more angels. Because, I think, he could have, just not in the same way as the angels imagined (in my fantasy Nick's storyline doesn't happen so please remove all of your memories about Nick waking Lucifer up in the Empty, that never happened on this blog).
In this way Jack, even with all the complex issues he has with power, actually grew up a bit from S13 to S14: in S13 he only started the re-creation of his father by waking him up in the Empty (Cas had to do a lot of work, too) while in S14 he actually managed to bring Mary back. It’s just that what he brought back was “a shell. A body, you know. That it was empty. Just a a replica. "Incapable of holding life."
Jack could have brought Mary back. As a matter of fact, in this fantasy of mine, I think Chuck had to intervene because he realized that Jack’s next step in his progress would’ve been the final one that would’ve allowed him the complete mastery over resurrection (and over souls...). Jack could’ve brought souls back without deals just like Amara could.
Now, I don’t know if Chuck can actually bring back souls or not. He apparently brought Jimmy back once. I thereofre don’t believe the “it’s complicated”  travesty he came up with in “Moriah” because it’s a fact that even basic demons, provided that there was a deal, could bring souls back so why not Chuck? It’s true, however, that, if it was Chuck who brought specifically Cas back before S13, then it would seem like he can manipulate grace rather than souls. It’s also true that when he got angry in “Moriah” he wasn’t able to resurrect the people in the cemetery who all came out zombie- and ghost-like. Following my fantasy I would say that Chuck can’t resurrect souls but I’ll have to think about this, for now I can’t really decide.
What’s important here, to me anyway, is that, at a certain point in the story (according to this fantasy of mine), both Mary and Jimmy are “just” bodies that aren’t even real bodies: they are empty copies, replicas unable to hold life (but able to hold grace). What’s even more “hilarious” is that Mary, who’s THE mother of the story, is first “absolved” of her “sin” of giving birth to Sam and Dean via the construction of a world where she never was a mother and then, the following season, she’s reduced to a copy of a body incapable of holding life (!!!) the creation of which was the reason why her whole family was damned. Jimmy, on the other hand, had to "do penance" because he had abondoned his family first, his angel second and accepted a life of torture to spare his own daughter the same life of pain. And he wasn't even successful! He's eventually reduced to a replica of a body that will never be capable of holding life again, only grace, the acceptance of which was his first "original sin".
What I'm trying to say is that Mary and Jimmy are repeatedly punished because they brought DEATH and destruction upon their respective families IN PERPETUITY. The more they try to protect their children, the more they seem to damn them. The punishment goes to the point where they can only be "free" once their souls are locked in heaven with their fictional spouses, their actual bodies are completely erased from earth and the threat of their reproduction is forever erased. We only get reproductions of them, copies to burn on pyres so that they would never, ever be able to hold and give LIFE again. The body is ABSENT.
Mary and Jimmy are reproductions (as in replicas) so that they could never again reproduce (as in procreate).
Supernatural is THE show about saturnine sterility if I’ve ever seen one. There can’t be life in this show. Everything must stay recycled, characters can resurrect but never give new birth and, if they do (Hello Kelly Kline Forever), they must die.die.die. Love is okay only if it's lived in the after-life in a prison/suburbia-like Heaven with little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky-tacky ("And your mom and dad
 they got a place over yonder"). Love in the physical realm, on the other hand, well... you can't get that, AND you can't have physical sex. Touch is forbidden.
And this is the reason, I think, why Castiel must also, eventually, die. He’s too closely associated with the desire of creation. He wants to be god, he wants to feel human, he is woman, he is man, he wants to be mother, he wants to be father, he wants to hold grace, he wants to hold life, he wants to give, give, give, he wants to touch too much. Now I’m talking symbolically here (although I believe that, my fantasy or not, this holds true textually too) but there’s too much fertility, too much sex around Cas in a show that’s ultimately about sterility. So he must die.
This is why I’ve chosen the “body without organs” for Mary and Jimmy: it’s both an image of freedom (well, more or less since Heaven is a scam but okay) and an image of pain, of the cost, of the madness behind that freedom. They’re finally “free”, even COMPLETE (!!!) from the narrative once their bodies are utterly destroyed and what lives on is copy of what they used to be and never will be again.
The phrase “Body without organs” comes from “To Have Done With the Judgement of God” by Antonin Artaud:
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They have found a new way to bring out god and to capture him in his microbic noxiousness. This is to nail him though the heart, in the place where men love him best, under the guise of unhealthy sexuality, in that sinister appearance of morbid cruelty that he adopts whenever he is pleased to tetanize and madden humanity as he is doing now. He utilizes the spirit of purity and of a consciousness that has remained candid like mine to asphyxiate it with all the false appearances that he spreads universally through space and this is why Artaud le MÎmo can be taken for a person suffering from hallucinations. - What do you mean, Mr. Artaud? - I mean that I have found the way to put an end to this ape once and for all and that although nobody believes in god any more everybody believes more and more in man. So it is man whom we must now make up our minds to emasculate. - How's that? How's that? No matter how one takes you you are mad, ready for the straitjacket. - By placing him again, for the last time, on the autopsy table to remake his anatomy. I say, to remake his anatomy. Man is sick because he is badly constructed. We must make up our minds to strip him bare in order to scrape off that animalcule that itches him mortally, god, and with god his organs.   For you can tie me up if you wish, but there is nothing more useless than an organ. When you will have made him a body without organs, then you will have delivered him from all his automatic reactions and restored him to his true freedom. They you will teach him again to dance wrong side out as in the frenzy of dance halls and this wrong side out will be his real place.
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kazesauce · 2 years ago
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Season 1 Finale Thoughts
I want to hit the highlights. In a nutshell, Isabelle is a monster, I don't trust Losang, and I have been rooting for Codron from the beginning and he delivered. Also, Caryl is happening.
Isabelle is a master manipulator. "You're the best influence Laurent has ever had" "Oh, my negligee is in the way of my stab wound, please help?" Gross. Daryl was starting to soften towards her until their final conversation when Isabelle tried to guilt him into believing going home would be abandoning Laurent and repeating his father's mistakes. Thankfully, Daryl told her off and left.
Losang is an American, and he talks like a theology professor and not a man of faith. He said God doesn't exist unless you believe in him, which is the opposite of anything I've ever heard from anyone of faith. He also tried to manipulate Daryl into believing Daryl's place was at the nest. Losang claimed to know where Daryl could get a ride back to the US by way of Newfoundland. Daryl has never known a day of true cold in his life. He surely would have frozen to death somewhere in Canada if he'd gotten on that boat.
I've been a little obsessed with Codron since we met him. I always got the feeling he was a hurt little boy trying to act tough. When push came to shove, he couldn't bring himself to kill Laurent and instead killed Genet's men. He spared Daryl, but threatened to kill him next time. We'll see. Codron found Azlan's watch and told Daryl and co where the nest was, how long it would take to get there, and how to cover their tracks. He went back to Genet, lied about being ambushed and why he was the only survivor, and said he had no idea where the nest was. Genet saw through his lies, but let him live for some reason.
Losang and Genet are two sides of the same coin. Both of them want power and nothing else. They each want Laurent as a pawn because other people believe in him, not because they themselves believe in him.
Codron and Daryl are two sides of the same coin. They each are affiliated with a group they aren't fully bought into. I hope that's setting up the possibility for him and Daryl to be reluctant allies next season.
The cemetery scene was beautiful. Daryl's grandfather enlisted in the army with a pregnant wife and died alone an ocean away because of that decision. He found his grandfather's grave and broke down, at least partly because he was reminded of his own decision to leave and how he needs to rectify it while he still has the chance. Also, it felt like a bit of a nod to the wondrous episode of Ride with Melissa and the emotional scene at the cemetery.
Carol chasing the guy on Daryl's motorcycle while driving a classic mustang like she stole it was the hottest thing that has ever been in TWD. I like that she let the guy live and threatened him before locking him in the trunk. Our girl was in top form.
Daryl got trapped in France for one reason and it's not to play house with Laurent and Izzy. Carol is on her way. Daryl doesn't need to leave for home because home is coming to him.
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se7ens-oc-heaven · 2 years ago
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Fun tip from your local oc hoarder: if you have old ocs or concepts that never went anywhere, didn't quite grab you, just didn't quite work - re-insert them into the world as the npcs. The background character. The side cast.
And here's why, in a nutshell - it'll help your world feel more cohesive, to you and to anyone seeing it.
Yeah, sure, you can hastily slap together a bland shopkeep during a shopping scene, or slip in generic fan designs at a concert. But if you have someone Established, specific, someone who doesn't Have to reoccur, buuuuut... maybe the main characters always go into the store during so-and-so's friday shifts, or maybe you have concert scenes frequently enough that you'd start picking out the same fans who always attend for their favorite band... Adds to how natural it all feels, you know?
Does it have to be an old oc? Can't it be someone made to fit, I hear you ask? Well, sure! And obviously if you only have one or two ocs that aren't active, you'll have to anyways. But it's a two birds with one stone exercise - because now you've streamlined your process for having an established npc. You already have an idea of how that old oc looks, or talks, or acts. You may already know what setting they'd likely frequent, or even miscellany like what music they like or hobbies they have. Your generic npc doesn't have to have speaking lines or relevance - but if they needed to or you wanted them to, now they can. They'll have substance that keeps things from feeling too flat.
And idk, obviously some people don't pay much attention to things like that - but I've found that it makes a huge difference to me even when I hadn't realized it. It adds some extra depth to the world in small ways, that you may or may not ever use, but that way it's already built in. No scrambling or extra work to project traits onto some faceless character who talks to your protag about musicians for one scene.
This is also helpful for subverting "kill your darlings" a bit, for those who struggle a lot with that concept in their writing and worldbuilding - because for me, my problem tends to be that it's not that the darling is Entirely Pointless, it's just that they aren't a good fit. Killing a really good idea and banishing it to the drafts forever can suck. But learning how to Recycle the darling helps keep it in relevance, but by plugging it in to a better purpose than the original draft. That makes it easier to cut ideas out of my writing - because I can rest easy knowing I have it in reserve for its time to shine elsewhere.
I'd imagine this won't work for everyone, but I've found as I work on my hero story that it's added a lot of joy. Characters who fell to the sidelines or into obscurity simply because they weren't cut out for hero business now have time to shine in other small ways.
I have a girl who realistically will end up just being a background jogger. But she's also on a track team, and likes handmaking pottery in her spare time. I have a guy with weather powers, but he's focused pursuing being a talented violinist, with minimal active involvement in the hero business beyond happening to have heroes who are fans of his work.
Heck, one of my favorite characters is a duo of guys sharing a body that are just waiters at the local diner. One of them can reverse gravity or even practically rewind time with the snap of his finger if he so chose. These are powers that he studies endlessly for so he can hone and refine them better. But all he cares about is protecting his family and friends, so all you typically see him use his powers for is preventing glasses from being broken or saving his crush from tripping.
It makes me happy to see my kids just going about their day, filling a role in the background. Will they be more relevant? It's possible! But even if they aren't, there will always be glimpses - of the redhead jogging down the street, of someone in the middle of listening to a track from a classical violinist, of a waiter effortlessly stopping plates from being dropped in the middle of taking an order - all in the backdrop of whatever panel or scene or what have you that comes up.
It helps it all feel more like a world everyone belongs in, rather than a staged play. You know? And it's a very fulfilling feeling for me, both as author and as reader.
So yeah. Don't be afraid to recycle those old ocs. Tweak or streamline them if you need, but if you hold them even a little dear to your heart and can get them to click, I promise you won't regret it.
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gremoria411 · 8 months ago
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The following post contains spoilers for the first two episodes of Mobile Suit Gundam: Requiem for Vengeance
Alright, I figured I’d give Gundam: Requiem for Vengeance a shot, and if I had any opinions after the first two episodes, I’d do a small post as a first impressions sorta thing.
Ah, just before I get into it, I should note that I’ve been somewhat looking forward to Requiem for Vengeance for a while now.
I’m gonna be using bullet points, mostly because I really don’t want to spend a whole lotta time on this, but in a nutshell; Consider me unimpressed.
The character animation and voice work is really bad. The lip-synch is terrible (likely for ease of dubbing into other languages), and so many of the characters just move so stiffly. It’s not like, all-over bad - there’s some really good scenes (like where three characters are chatting in the Zaku Tank) where they either managed to make it work or were able to put the effort in. I’d guess that they put most of the budget into the mobile suits and didn’t care too much about the human characters (or they didn’t have anyone on staff that could animate humans convincingly).
The battle scene that takes up the second half of episode 1 just kinda feels bad. Iria survives because she is the protagonist, there’s no moment that made me feel like she was in genuine danger, since every time something has a bead on her there’s always this dramatic pause, then something distracts them. This happens something like five times.
The actual models for the characters and mobile suits are genuinely gorgeous, they’re just dripping with personality. Unfortunately, this only throws the bad voice work into even sharper relief.
Reid “chubs” Ghela dies about seven minutes in, to show off the power of the gundam’s new beam weapon. Now, I wouldn’t mind, if he wasn’t the only character with any semblance of a personality. He’s also the sole exception to the bad voice work, so it’s really annoying that he gets killed off so soon.
Relatedly, there’s so many odd pronunciations here. It really takes you out of things, because it would’ve been so easy to check this stuff.
I complained previously about the “my girlfriend, in space” line, but it’s weird, because there’s a scene later that actually stresses how odd it is for the Zeon Mobile Suit Pilots to find themselves on earth. It’s really quite well-done and it’s a nice character moment.
The opening’s absolutely gorgeous, it’s really good.
Some of the music choices make me think of studio ghibli. Fairly neutral on that.
I have two really petty complaints that I’m only mentioning because they’re fresh in my mind - the Gundam’s beam saber seems really stiff here, it should have at least a little bend and, JUST USE THE NEWTYPE CHIME SOUND. WE ALL KNOW WHAT A NEWTYPE SOUNDS LIKE JUST USE THAT. It’s really irritating me for some reason.
My main issue is that it feels like they made a Gundam series, without watching any other Gundam series first. They had the designs, they had the themes, they had cliff notes, they just didn’t watch any other show first. There’s the shape of good ideas here, the execution’s just bad.
It feels like that line that always gets trotted out when someone tries to launch a new mecha property - “unlike those other shows, this one’s actually about the mecha”. Gundam: Requiem for Vengeance feels like an example of why actually doing that is a bad idea, because it’s so obvious that’s where the budget went, but the show can’t be mech fights 24/7, so we just don’t really spend any time with the characters.
I will follow this up later.
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