#however. you know and I know that's not why she's not romanceable and interesting subtext does not

[vaguely-concerned]

I still can't believe that bioware has morrigan tell you a whole story about how as a kid she came upon a girl she thought was so beautiful that it rocked her entire world and awakened new and bewildering longings in her (longings which by their very existence angered and perturbed her mother)... and then they have the temerity to ask me to believe she's straight

[moodymisty]

Listen I know the wall husbands heads are full of concrete but I'm interested in what you could do with a black templar

Maybe having a cleric darling (Thinking more of a lay person vs someone like a sister of battle) so there can be some delicious religious subtext

But I also know some black templars are very much into seeing when normal baseline humans can overcome the odds and rise above with their own zeal.

Maybe she isn't a combatant but by the God Emperor she will help out however she can even if it is just passing him boltgun magazines.

I got ideas for Black Templars but they're all over the place! Maybe you can make more sense of my ramblings and since it's still on the brain it could be Yandere or not just however you can make a Black Templar with a Darling work

[ 𝕸����𝖔𝖉𝖞𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖞'𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕬𝖔3 ]

Author's Note: So... I went apeshit. I apologize. I just fucking love doing religious subtext and whatnot. Also the frail maiden with her knight. Combining them? Awooga. Like this is my dream prompt. I hope you enjoy.

Summary: His thumb presses against your lips, and your mouth opens. You can taste the metal on your tongue, like bitter iron. His hand despite being so inhumanly large is so dextrious and gentle, and the thoughts that enter your mind are sickening.

Relationships: Unnamed Black Templar/Fem!Reader (there aren't pronouns used but the lady/knight vibe is super intense)

Warnings: A smidge lewd but not NSFW, Vague traditional gender roles-like talk (being gentle/needing to be protected etc), Religious under(over)tones, Forbidden romance undertones, Vague yandere/yandere beginnings, Armor kink if you squint, Brief mentions of blood and murder, General 40kness

Word Count: 2209 oops uwu

Ceramite boots thud against the floor like the thunder overhead, echoing in the high, vaulted ceilings.

He hears a tile crack underneath his right boot as he shifts his weight onto it mid-step.

He was always heavier than his brothers. His armor had to be adjusted three different times to fit him as he outgrew it.

'Leave him, he’s off to go for his prayers, and to stalk the locals.’

His one battle brother had laughed at the other’s comment, as he left them all behind to return to the cathedral. It's far from his first time here, in these sanctified halls. He finds himself returning here after almost every patrol, every outing, every moment alone.

His armor shifts with his movement, and he rolls his left shoulder during his walk. He’s had the armor fixed after a stray round hit him in the shoulder, but it still feels off. Like the motion is ever so slightly delayed in comparison to his other interface ports.

He'll get it looked at again. For now he has a different pursuit.

It’s the dead of the night, moon high in the sky as he walks through the nave past pews filled with nothing but air. At this time of night he knows it will only be you here, keeping candles lit and rolling scrolls. A stray servoskull might flutter past every now and again, but other than that, you remain in complete solitude.

No distractions, no needless fluff. You're always busy, fluttering about, making yourself useful where you can. You aren't able to fight, not this threat, but your obedience in cleaning armor- weapons when an Astartes allows- and other such duties has earned you enough to stay where your fellows have left.

Many of the other human refugees have been shipped off at this point, to become the Militarium's logistical problem. You and a few others however have earned your keep. At least in the eyes of the Black Templars.

You'll be far safer here than in a Militarium camp stuffed in with hundreds to thousands of others; Like animals waiting to be shipped off world.

You'll be far safer here with him.

There you are. He can spot you from across the cathedral, and a part of him wonders why it has such an effect on him. His hearts beat faster and his neck tenses; It feels like how he does whenever he's about to fight, but also distinctly different. It almost makes him feel like he's sick from an illness he can't explain.

The moment you hear him however, knowing the sound of an astartes this late and this far away from his brothers could only be him, your back straightens. You've been leaning over for awhile, and your body makes uncooperative cracks as you stand at his approach.

He stops in front of you, at the bottom of the ambulatory steps that rise up to the main altar. You stand at the top of them, quickly moving aside so he can come closer. When he does, you can feel his gaze through the lens of his helmet. It always feels heavy, even when his helmet isn't tilted you way you swear you can feel whenever his eyes are on you.

With both hands he unseals his helmet with a soft hiss, grasping it by the rim before handing it to you. It’s almost too heavy for your grip, but you manage to hold it close to your chest and avoid dropping it. Meanwhile he takes a knee, elbow on his knee as he drops his head in prayer.

His chainsword shifts on his back, over top of a long, tattered cape that's stained with mud and blood at the bottom hem. Astartes don't leave their armor during war, and so the cloth holds the weeks long stench of iron and rotting flesh. It simply burns however, until a few minutes later and then you can no longer smell. For the best, more than likely.

The cathedral is cast in complete silence, his shoulders shifting underneath plates of ceramite. He always is whenever he prays, unlike his brothers in the few times you've seen them. Perhaps it's just a quirk of his. Or maybe they're the odd ones.

Then again, they aren't the ones visiting an empty cathedral in the dead of night, only to meet a single person. Over and over again.

When he rises, he gently takes his helmet from your hands and latches it onto his belt. You speak up for the first time since he appeared.

"Have you made good progress out there? The weather seems to only be getting worse."

He looks down at you; His short, hastily chopped hair dry and pressed in odd places from the pressure of his helmet. It's mostly dry now, but you can tell it was wet not long ago. He must've taken his helmet off in the rain and was instantly soaked to the bone.

"The Emperor watches over us. We will prevail despite the deluge."

Said deluge batters on the tall glass windows of the cathedral, and thunder cracks not much later. The sound gives you a momentary jolt. This particular storm has been going all day, but the area has been battered with rainstorms for weeks now on and off. It might not slow them down, but you can see dried chunks of mud where they've had to trudge through it to progress. Most of it is washed away on him now, the rain having cleaned his armor significantly.

Your hands grasp each other tightly, no longer having his helmet to act as some sort of grounding.

"I tried to pray like you do, this morning." His eyes noticeably brighten ever the slightest, as your voice echos in the empty cathedral. "I wanted to pray to the Emperor that you stayed safe out there."

You don't know if he finds it amusing; But the corner of his mouth quirks upward ever so slightly anyways.

"Then pray for our victory, not our safety. What matters is that we succeed," He states.

You hear the mechanics in his armor shift as he leans slightly more on his left leg than right. It's like the armor is simply an extension of himself, and you suppose it is.

He is the first astartes you've even seen, so your knowledge is sparse. A small part of you has so many questions you'd wish to ask him, not knowing if he'd even entertain you with an answer.

You're fascinated by him; You wonder if he thinks the same of you. The way he acts lends you to think so, but you don't know how to feel about it.

In the corner of your eye you notice movement, and turn to the right just a bit and see someone walking across the nave. But when they catch sight of you and one of the Black Templars, the scurry out of the main hall like death was on their heels.

It isn't the first time someone has made a conscious effort to avoid you, now that you have an astartes taking such an interest in you. People are keen to spend as little time around them as possible- as despite them being the primary source protecting you all, they have more than displayed their fickle nature. One misspoken word and you could be gone. It's happened before. You know of a few faces that have disappeared with little a word.

You must look away from him for too long, as suddenly his armored hand grasps your jaw, turning your face back to him. The awkward angle due to his height makes your neck ache, and you grasp at the seams of his gauntlet for any sort of support.

"Are you going to try and run like they did?"

He says, watching you like he's looking for something more than a simple answer.

You wonder what he sees. If he notices the way your heart has begun to race in fear and something else, as he overtakes your vision. That something else was only for those rare moments of solitude where your reasoning left you, and your mind wandered to areas it shouldn't. If you'd known any better, you might've thought such things were blasphemous, or something of the sort.

Suddenly, you remember that he's waiting for an answer; You watch as the scars on his face move when he shifts his jaw.

"No."

He takes a step closer and with no more room your back presses against the altar just behind you. You risk nearly bending over it from how close he is, his dominant leg taking root just close enough that your legs have to part to let his knee past.

The shadow of the window mullions decorate the back of his armor, the light making the shadows against his face even harsher. You can even see the shadows of large rain droplets against his pauldrons, sliding down as if they've actually fallen on him. You can hear them hit the glass as the wind whistles outside and rattles the glass.

You watch him wondering; His eyes and face are completely unreadable. Astartes are so stoic, any little emotion is held invisible deep within themselves. Trying to figure out what he's thinking is an impossible task, though it's clear the interest he has in you is no longer just curiosity. That thought makes your heart pound against your chest as if it's trying to escape, your blood hot.

His thumb presses against your lips, and your mouth opens. You can taste the metal on your tongue, like bitter iron. His hand despite being so inhumanly large is so dextrious and gentle, and the thoughts that enter your mind are sickening.

It feels like he's toying with you; Experimenting with something new as he watches the way your soft skin gives under his armor. Your hands and gentle skin have faint crumbles of candle wax and ink on them from your work, as they grasp his armor.

You're terrified. You want more of him. You'll be happy to burn if that's what it requires.

"You'll come with me, when we are finished here."

You whisper his name, telling him yes as if you were foolish enough to think you had a choice in the matter. No one but him is here to hear it.

If someone was you wouldn't be able to see them from the way his massive armored form overtakes almost all of your vision, swallowing you in a sea of shadow and pitch black armor. They would see as he leans down, his thumb leaving your lips. You can feel his hot breath on your skin. The way he almost seems to suffocate you with how much of his body looms over you, just to get close. You can hear your own heartbeat so you just know he can, his eyes dilated and nearly total black.

Your back hurts pressing against the edge of the altar, feeling vulnerable underneath his unreadable stare. The fabric of your clothing bunches in places and rises up on your body, catching on the seams of his leg plates. His armor might be cold, but astartes run hot; Like their blood is boiling, so beneath that metal chill is the heat from the skin visible on his face and neck. You think if the cathedral was any colder, his hot breath would be visible.

His lips hover over yours, brushing as if he's so thoroughly detailing every step of this. Savoring each moment, or perhaps just toying with you. Watching the way a human so much smaller than him writhes under his grip at his mercy. You want to finish it, but the hand clamped around your jaw won't allow you, as much as you want to yearn and beg and plead to k-

'Brother. Return from toying with the refugees, the chaplain has returned with an update.'

Suddenly audible is a deep voice shaken by vox distortion emanating from his helmet; His head turns ever so slightly in it's direction. The bow of his upper lip brushes over yours as he does so. His brow furrows and he seems visibly irritated, interrupted during the worst possible time. You are as well, though it's more of desperation as you try to silence the way the your body aches for just him.

But as quick as it had begun it all ends, as he rises to his full height and removes his hand from your jaw. It complains with the promise of a hefty bruising, as he uses the same gauntlet to one handed slip his helmet back onto his head.

You can feel him stare at you even through the lenses, as he shifts in his armor and walks past where you stand splayed against the altar, clothes a mess. Your legs wobble as if about to give out from underneath you without his support, a weight like a rock in your lower belly.

He walks down the ambulatory in silence and leaves you alone once more, but you know it won't be for long.

[one-squash-one-end]

>1.6k words on bi Gansey

Hi! This belongs to my big Raven Cycle analysis, click here for the masterpost.

Today we are diving into all the reasons why I think Gansey is a bi king (and then some more). Enjoy!

(I think there might be mild spoilers up to trk, nothing too bad though, more character interactions than plot)

b) Gansey

Alright hear me out. This man. There is nothing this rich boy can do to beat the fruit allegations. He is a bi king, through and through. Everyone but him knows, including you, because what I have to say is the absolute truth and I am great at convincing. I once saw a tumblr post that said “Gansey has to physically restrain himself from kissing all his friends” and there has never been anything more true.

And it’s important to note that this is really not only reader interpretation. Or, at least, reader interpretation includes other character’s interpretations, which are sometimes incredibly straight(lol)forward.

After doing Adam a big favor, Gansey’s sister Helen (who is aro-ace btw, because I said so) immediately assumes he is sleeping with him, which is a conclusion she jumped to way too quickly if Gansey has never previously shown any interest in Adam or other boys. Like, she seems to know him quite well, and for her to just think he’s in a relationship with Adam says a lot about the homoeroticism prevalent in Gansey’s friendships with both Adam and also Ronan.

Because then we have Kavinsky, another canonically queer character, who thus might arguably have some sort of gaydar, assuming Ronan and Gansey are in a romantic (but most of all, sexual) relationship. Admittedly, this has largely to do with Kavinsky assuming things about Ronan and his sexuality, as is explicitly mentioned in the book. However, you can very easily speculate about someone’s sexuality without knowing their (previous) partners, if there have been any at all, so to correctly believe Ronan is gay does not have to randomly entail relationship speculations. So somewhere, even from not interacting with them so much, Kavinsky must have gotten that idea. That somewhere is the deep affection the two of them share, which is absolutely palpable for everyone around. Yes, I know their relationship is described as brotherly (please note I do not condone incest!), but also somewhere within “they’re bros” lies the implication they are gay. Two bros chilling in a hot tub. They’re having a bromance. Let bros kiss.

Another person who seems to believe in a Gansey romance above bromance is Henry, who at that point of book three had only interacted with him at school very superficially. We can assume the way Gansey behaves with Adam and Ronan at school is very much homoerotic, or elsewise Henry would have no reason to be surprised about seeing Gansey with Blue (“a chick”). He can’t be surprised about Gansey pulling… someone, considering he is apparently super good-looking, he just never had reason to assume Gansey was anything but achillean.

Now this was mostly people who don’t know Gansey that well, or at least people not part of the inner circle, so it can’t mean that much, right? Surely there would not be anyone who truly, deeply knows Gansey, who would assume he is queer. Right? Wrong. I have since forgotten the context of that quote, but Adam, someone who is very close to both of them, thinks that Ronan and Gansey could date. Make of that what you will, but I will it to be homoerotic subtext. (Or text, as what Adam says is what he says, no room for interpretation there.)

Lastly, Adam’s father called him the f-slur. Ok, I will admit that it’s not completely confirmed to be that, but what else would a censored word with f stand for? Again, it’s hard to tell, because my two options would be the slur and just straight-up “fucker”, but both “f*g” and “fuck” are used directly in the following books. The f-slur was used directly in Ronan’s narrative though, in that of a character who talks very obscenely in general, so I have no trouble believing Gansey just wouldn’t have wanted to repeat that word, especially if it’s just a memory.

The line between romantic and platonic interactions is thin enough in this series as it is, but Gansey seems to blur it especially. I am going to touch on that at a later point, but platonic affection is given a very important role, so much that in some parts it carries as much significance as romantic actions do (as it should- relationship anarchy rules), if not more. With Gansey that seems to be especially strong, a lot of the things he does with his friends seeming romantic.

First of all, he is co-parenting with Ronan. Yes, it is a bird, but Ronan loves her like a human daughter so the point stands. The two of them even squabble about it like an old married couple, Gansey’s legendary “this is exactly why I didn’t want to have a baby with you” speaks for itself.

Then there is the insomnia quality time, as I like to call it. We, as the readers, are probably supposed to focus on the late night phone calls and drives with Blue, the fact that “she makes [him] quiet”, and that he can sleep after talking to her. But what I find equally important is the time he spends with Ronan at Monmouth during those sleepless nights, them getting orange juice at three a.m. While it might not be something super comforting that makes them both fall asleep, this routine they seem to have fallen into, just spending time while not expecting anything from the other, is something that means a lot to me; they are very much giving platonic soulmates, but also what if they kissed?

Of course I cannot not mention “While I’m gone, dream me the world. Something new for every night.” That boy is being unnecessarily dramatic about going away for literally one weekend. And why? Because “they had been a two-headed creature for so long, Ronan-and-Gansey. He couldn’t say it, though. There were a thousand reasons why he couldn’t say it.” What are those reasons though? Is it because he is actually in love with Ronan but admitting to that would make the friendship super fucking awkward so he whips out a dramatic, half-romantic metaphor quote? Yeah, that makes total sense.

Staying on my Ronsey bullshit, let’s not forget the glorious, deleted pool table scene. In case you are not familiar with it, or have forgotten the way it sounds (probably the reason it was deleted), I’ll just let two quotes speak for themselves. “There was something suggestive about how [Ronan] wore the suit” Oh yes, of course there was. Sometimes you wear clothing with a certain intention, and in Ronan’s case, that intention is to be bent over the pool table by Gansey. This becomes even clearer here: “Gansey was well aware that Ronan rather fancied the way he looked while he played pool, and the way he reached across the felt now, intentional and elegant and coiled, indicated that he was fancying himself at this very moment.” Once again, everything is super intentional, and Gansey wants to fuck him so badly. Not even kidding at this point, the way Maggie wrote this scene really makes it look like Gansey finds Ronan super hot; even as an aromantic asexual person I have to say, this is a lot more than “bro appreciating his best friend’s glow-up in a completely heterosexual way”. This iconic scene is gay brainrot, which is exactly why we did not get to experience this masterpiece within an actual, published book. The Ronsey shippers would have gone too wild.

[Speaking of which, I’d like to clarify that I do not ship Ronsey in the way some other people do, I do prefer them with their canon love interests, however I clearly see the potential of them having had some kind of mutual attraction in the past, I just think it makes the dynamic a lot more fun and interesting, sort of like how Jesper had a crush on Kaz in Six of Crows.]

Gansey has received at least one (1) dick pic of Ronan. The circumstances do not say anything about either Gansey or Ronan, but I think it’s funny, it builds character, so I chose to include it in this.

Perhaps the strongest evidence for him running with the lgbtq+ is the fact that he goes to an all-boys school. Come on, what is he supposed to do, surrounded by all those guys rich enough to afford good haircuts and a private trainer? Should he just not have gay thoughts? Impossible.

Now all this was mostly evidence for Gansey swinging that way, somehow, but of course he’s one of those doors that open both ways. Yes, he has a girlfriend, but there is even more proof for him being specifically m-spec, just you wait. To begin with, apart from his friends Gansey has two true loves. Henrietta (the town with a female name, who his sister refers to as his girlfriend- the same sister who assumes Gansey is sleeping with Adam; Helen is a bi Gansey truther) and Glendower, the dead, male king. Obviously, this is totally serious business. Additionally, I have talked through to a very full extent how he is in love with Ronan, but of course he is also in love with Henry, I do not have to elaborate on this. He is also very much jealous when Blue and Adam are dating, as is described multiple times, but we don’t find out exactly who he is jealous of. Yes, he likes Blue, and he is sad that his best friend is sort of being stolen away etc., but what if he also just wanted to hold hands. With both of them. At once.

It’s not only Gansey being in love with all of them, it’s also all of them being in love with Gansey. His bi swagger. It was this: Blue finding him irresistible. It was this: Ronan wanting to smash his fist through a wall because of how hot Gansey is. It was this: Henry saying Gansey is a “Caucasian with great hair”.

Bi Gansey is the truth and I will defend that until the day I die.

However, I will admit that he is absolutely a cis guy, no question. At no point in his life has he had to be afraid to take up space or anything, but that man supports trans rights of course. He would not wear a crop top on his own, but considering how he is in love with them, Blue, Ronan and Henry could bully him into it and he would rock it.

[moltensmusings]

I've calmed down a bit since last night so let me try and explain why I personally will never be fine with how levy was altered for her romance with gajeel.

To start, I feel like common excuses for Levy changing when I post about my annoyance are: "well she went through a traumatic experience", "girls act differently around guys they like", "we just didn't know her well and she got expanded upon."

Mashima is a pretty straightforward guy when he writes characters. He's not one to do subtext or really any complexity with characters and his writing is similar to spoonfeeding readers what they need to know the minute they need to know it. Now this style of story telling isn't one that doesn't work, it's how children's media works most often and that makes sense since kids aren't exactly going to be able to notice heavy nuance. I think a lot of readers tend to enjoy that writing style even as they get older. That's fine, you do you.

So when he introduces levy as a sure of herself young adult who is friendly, welcoming, and capable then that is who the readers should take her as. She's brave shown to have taken charge during dangerous missions for shadowgear and it's the reason she's their leader. I talk about her being competent because that's what she is.

When shadowgear gets attacked by gajeel it would've made sense for Mashima to write in Levy having a level of fear and trauma towards gajeel leading her to act differently around him or maybe even be more cautious, tentative to act on dangerous situations. However once Gajeel saves her life during the thunder Legion arc it's never brought up again in a way that would complicate their dynamic. Mashima doesn't like slowly developing things and so we never get to see the trauma from a near death experience or how that effects your dynamic with the person that did it trying to change.

Levy doesn't get more timid or bad at fighting due to trauma, she becomes that way because Mashima makes her into a love interest and we can't have any women in the show be capable and strong without men. There's no scenes of her being cautious around Gajeel or wary of him to show us growth over time, she just goes from working with him in the BFFT to apparently having a crush on tenrou with no in-between development.

Levy changed when Mashima made her a love interest, and it'd disappointing.

[hellerfanboy91]

Edvard's Supernatural Guide: 4x09 I Know What You Did Last Summer

Spoilers for 4x22 Lucifer Rising and 5x05 Fallen Idols

There has been many good episodes in series four so far, but once again the show is suffering a dearth of overall plot. This has often left me with little else to discuss other than stuff contained solely within that episode or else bitching about Sam being a cockwomble. 4x09 I Know What You Did Last Summer (hereafter abbreviated to IKWYDLS) changes the long string of MOTW episodes by being a plot episode. It puts a fire under the angels plot-line which has been cooling its heels for a long time, while also revealing more about Dean’s time in hell as well as trying to make us like Ruby. Some people love this episode, whereas Paula very much loathes it.

The episodes gets neither my hatred nor my love. I am not a fan of how much screen-time Ruby gets, but it was about time for more angel-lore. While I am not the biggest fan of Anna, I enjoy the philosophical and psychological depth she adds to the show with her presence, i.e. freeing oneself from an abusive/cultish ‘family’, the burden of ‘free will’ and choice, personal responsibility, etc.

Anna was almost definitely intended to be much more than a supporting character in a handful of episodes. I lack credible sources so am careful to hedge what I say, but I expect Anna was intended as Dean’s end-game romance. Not only do the parallels between Dean/Anna and Sam/Ruby in this episode jump out of the screen and grab the viewer by the throat, but the slightly-too-long looks Dean and Anna give each other upon first meeting in the church give the unmistakable impression of a potential romance. As ever, however, female love interests in the show are short-lived (in part due to bad writing, in part due to insane fangirls) and Anna’s original story was transferred to a character who was only supposed to be around for four episodes: Castiel.

To avoid ambiguity: Anna was beyond reasonable doubt intended as Dean’s romantic partner, but Cas’s popularity dwarfed hers. This resulted in Dean’s romantic partner’s storyline of fighting on their side during the Apocalypse being taken over by Cas. Cas took over the role of Dean’s lover angelic ally. The pairing of Cas and Dean was immediately popular among the fans with the first fanfic posted to Ao3 40 minutes after 4x01 Lazarus Rising finished its first airing in America. In the few appearances Cas has made in the interim, there has been subtle subtext and plot beats between him and Dean which hint at at least Cas’s burgeoning attraction to Dean. These include visiting Dean and only Dean in 4x02 Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester, admitting to Dean that he has doubts and questions about God, Heaven, and his orders in 4x07 It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester, and the almost hungry, longing look on his face in 4x10 Heaven and Hell when he sees Dean kiss Anna. Tell me I am wrong.

The discussion being about angels, do let us begin with Anna’s introduction in the cold open of this episode. One of the reasons Paula dislikes this episode is how Anna is written in all her scenes. To paraphrase my predecessor, Anna does not act in the least bit like a psychotic person, meaning it is hard to understand why she would have been admitted to a psychological hospital. Paula also describes Anna as a bit of an idiot, blathering about her angel-radio powers to anybody who will listen. Paula also took umbrage with Anna being an unknown new character in a mental hospital when the show has been building up Dean’s mental health problems for years and does nothing with them.

I do not agree with all of these points, but present them so you can make up your own mind. I lack strong opinions on Anna, but in spite of her ultimately being underused I generally like her. ...Or at least dislike her much less than the majority of angels.

The other significant female character in this episode is quite a different matter. On the one hand, Ruby’s general plot is clever (at least in theory) in that she manages to play a 4D game of chess and double-crosses everybody but the one she is working for. She managed to play Sam like a fiddle by leading him around by his penis for two years. While acting like an utter douchebag 100% of the time, she still manages to ingratiate herself and even win over a portion of the audience.

In practice though, she does not look so much clever as the others (Sam especially) look stupid. Even Dean apologises to Ruby at the end of this episode after hearing about how she saved Sam’s life etc, even though Dean was the one who pointed out that Ruby was using sex to control Sam and encouraging him to use his evil demon powers. Ruby wished for Dean’s death in 3x16 No Rest for the Wicked and has been machinating in the background for over a year, which Dean knows very well. Having him apparently forget and forgive was out of character. Rather than Ruby being clever, this was bad writing. More convincing would have been to win the audience over but not have Dean apologise. Events in the next episode 4x10 Heaven and Hell would have convinced a lot of viewers of where Ruby’s loyalties lay anyway. For the time being, Dean might have looked like a douche bearing a grudge to a lot of people, but he would have eventually been proven right.

As for Ruby’s general presence in this episode, the sheer amount of it in Sam’s exposition accompanied by Dean’s apology really give the impression that this was the moment the viewer was supposed to accept Ruby onto the team. Given that she was a hostile, manipulative, smug, lying bish for the whole of series three and four up to now, it is too little too late. Her animosity towards Dean, abandoning Dean and Sam to their deaths in 3x12 Jus in Bello, and controlling Sam with promises of being able to save Dean cannot be waved away with Ruby’s manipulation of Sam when Dean was dead.

Yes, she ‘saved’ Sam, but take e.g. the scene where Sam goes after ‘Lilith’ and gets ambushed by demons, only to have to end up saving Ruby using his powers. It does not take a genius to suppose that whole thing was a set-up to make exactly what happened happen. Ruby is working for and with Lilith, after all.

When I watched series four almost ten years ago, I expect I at the very least gave Ruby some more benefit of the doubt, and my distaste for the writing here could well be due to knowing what happens later and seeing right through both the scheming as well as Gamble and Kripke’s not-too-successful attempts at apologia for Ruby. That said, Ruby herself gives the viewer plenty of reason to dislike and distrust her. Not only does she have the nerve to turn up in Dean’s presence after poisoning his brother for over a year, but she shows a lacuna where her shame (and survival instinct) should be by being shirty with Dean when he rightfully brings her up short for her brazen intrusion.

Sam does not get off the hook either. I have stated numerous times that Ruby manipulated him, but he let her do it out of spite, bitterness, and pride. In 5x05 Fallen Idols, Sam will claim that everything that happened with Ruby happened because Sam wanted to get away from Dean who (Sam claims) controlled and stifled him and did not let him grow up (and that is not verbatim). This is, of course, equine effluent of the stinkiest variety, but it does not mean that Sam does not at least partially believe it. Since episode one of the show, Sam has always harboured an acidic dislike of Dean for many reasons.

As discussed elsewhere, Dean does not in fact control Sam: quite the opposite. Dean frequently makes concessions for Sam’s wants, and is generally a complete push-over. I last discussed this in 4x04 Metamorphosis and it still holds true. Even in this very episode, Dean drives Sam to the hospital against his own wishes because it is what Sam wants. Sam’s fans like to claim Dean drags Sam around the country against his will, but it seems quite the opposite to me. Even if Dean were not such a pushover, he has no control over Sam whatsoever. As I discussed in 1x11 Scarecrow (unless my memories is mistaken), Sam is free to leave whenever he wants, as he does in said episode. He does not need to go where Dean wants him to go, and at any moment could take control of his own life and agency by simply getting up and departing. He did this in 1x11 Scarecrow and 2x10 Hunted (both times almost getting Dean killed in the process), as well as frequently sneaking out of motel rooms to fraternise with Ruby in series three and four.

The reason Sam does not, I wager, is because he is scared of the responsibility which comes with making his own choices. He might bitch and complain about how Dean ‘controls him’ or whatever, but

1) Dean does not 2) Sam is much more comfortable letting himself believe he has no real power over his situation and that Dean is responsible for everything that happens to him.

Sam is, for want of a better word, a victim who weaponises his own ‘powerlessness’. Such being the case, he refuses to accept his own culpability for his wrongdoing, instead externalising it all and blaming other people. Narcissistic personality disorder, i.e. weaponised victimhood. The effect of this on the people around him (namely Dean) is poisonous, resulting in a situation where Sam is always the wronged victim and Dean always the guilty villain.

(And yes, I am aware Cas exhibits some of these traits, too, but the reasons are different: Cas does not properly understand the concept of ‘personal responsibility’, and has put Dean on the pedestal God used to be on. I agree completely with Paula that 15x03 and 15x10 did Cas and his fans a huge disfavour, but more on that in several years’ time.)

This situation is very comfortable for Sam as ultimately he is not responsible for any of his own wrongdoing (in his own mind, at least) and he gets to exorcise his own demons by treating Dean as his punchbag. Moreover, he also gets to have a protracted adolescence by rejecting the fact he is responsible for his own choices. This is quite likely learnt behaviour from John, see 1x18 Something Wicked RE: John blaming Dean for John’s own criminal negligence.

Sam might not even fully realise that he is doing this, in fact he probably does not, and the frustration and bitterness comes from what might feel like helplessness to him. Dean is not in control, but as far as Sam is concerned his options are ‘Do whatever Dean is doing and pretend I have no choice’ or ‘Do what I want and accept all the responsibility’. Neither option is good for him, and he does not want to commit fully to either, so he takes a little bit of ‘freedom’ for himself, but only enough to hang Dean with.

I say all this with derision and contempt for Sam’s behaviour, and this is in part because I am well-acquainted with narcissistic personality disorder. A person with narcissistic personality disorder does not love himself, but rather hates himself and cannot stand being put in a situation where he is forced to face his flaws and deal with shame. To avoid this, the narcissist will instead blame everybody around him for his own problems, and even try to make other people feel bad in order to make himself feel better about himself. This could well be the result of child abuse (thanks, John) essentially triggering feelings of intense shame and fear of punishment whenever criticised or brought up short for bad behaviour. Lashing out first becomes a defence mechanism. As a result, the narcissist in unable to reflect on himself, face his flaws, and improve on them. He is trapped in a box made of one-way glass where other people can see in at the mess he is making of his life, but he in unable to see the effect his actions have on others, or even see other people at all.

Given Sam’s isolation from other children, there is a good argument to be made that he never quite learnt that other people are just as complicated and important as he is, and that his needs do not supersede those of others. His treatment of Dean is evidence for this: Dean is not a real person to Sam, just a trope and an extension of John.

The reason for my raising all of this is the bitterness and hostility Sam directs at Dean in the car. The acidity I mentioned regarding Sam in 5x05 Fallen Idols is evident here when Sam responds to Dean’s hesitance in following Ruby’s guidance. ‘If you’ve got something to say, say it’ Sam snottily says with snooty contempt, soon followed by the facepalm-inducing ‘Want to talk about keeping secrets, why don’t you tell me about Hell? Don’t skip the details.’ One could only talk to a person like that about something like that in that tone of voice if there were a fundamental disgust and derision that had festered for years.

You probably do not need me to tell you that Dean keeping what happened to himself in Hell a secret is not at all comparable to the secrets Sam and Ruby kept, but Sam clearly does because his understanding of the whole situation shows a undeveloped, immature mind coupled with the typical narcissistic battle strategy of use other people’s vulnerability as a weapon against them. See, telling narcissists one’s secrets is just giving them ammunition.

I see all my own trust issues reflected in Dean’s refusal to open up to his own narcissist, and my own experiences reflected in Sam attacking Dean at the slightest perceived provocation. Did that get a bit personal? Never mind...

We also see in that scene Sam’s entitlement to Dean’s thoughts, as well as his inability to understand he has no right to feel indignant and aggrieved (if we are not already a few hundred words too late for that). But do let us not drive this into the ground. Other than being further evidence in my case of Sam being a total cockwomble, it is this very acrimony and resentment which Ruby exploits like a shark sniffing blood. She was only able to sow her evil seeds because there was already acres of fertile ground to work with.

As well as that, Sam is an idiot who is easily controlled by women and sex, and Ruby might have sensed as much. She did push for sex with him, after all, ignoring his objections and getting groiny with him in a gross necrophilic way.

Mentioning the hostility in the car has reminded me that it has been a while since the last time the brothers argued in the car. Well done, writers. You learnt your lesson.

Another aspect of Sam was visible in this episode, that being bereaved Sam in the flashbacks. As far back as 1x12 Faith I wrote that Sam loves Dean, but he only ever shows it when he is about to lose him. Or in this case, when he has already lost him. In the first flashback scene, Sam summons a crossroads demon (a male this time) aiming to trade places with Dean. This is one of few instances where I find Sam human and relatable as in the immediate aftermath of Dean’s death (ultimately by suicide) grief and survivor’s guilt consume him. As I wrote in 1x12 Faith, survivor’s guilt is when a bereaved person believes s/he should be dead. Such guilt undermines any feeling of security and stability one might believe life has, as if the ground beneath can crumble at any point.

On the subject of grief, in 2x22 All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2 I wrote:

Huge losses like death have a way of showing us that all the sureties, hopes, goals, and even pastimes we build our lives around are ultimately inconsequential. They force us to confront the fact that life and everything in it is ephemeral and ultimately meaningless. We can try to give our lives meaning through our choices, but some situations force us to wonder why one would even bother. What difference does it make if the world ends if it does not matter that it exists in the first place? In 10,000,000,000 years, the Earth will have long since been destroyed by the death of our sun, and nothing resembling any kind of human may be left in the universe. If a spaceship from some civilisation in the far distant future were to chance across the slowly cooling embers of the white dwarf which was once our sun, would the lifeforms inside such a spacecraft even stop to wonder for one second whether that star ever once hosted a planet which for the briefest of time saw an ape stand on two legs, craft tools, learn to speak, and in one of their endlessly varying languages once call their home Earth? I doubt it.

Knowing an afterlife of some forms exists, Sam would not experience bereavement in quite the same way as this, but he is still in the throes of despair raging at the cosmic injustice of his brother’s death (read: suicide) and desperate to put it right by sacrificing his own worthless life.

While watching this scene, I am left wondering where this deep love and affection for his brother was when Dean was still alive. In one of his posts, Leonard at lmclt likened Sam’s attitudes towards Dean in series three as akin to those of people who do not believe suicidal people until it is too late. Sam did not truly believe Dean was going to die, or even could die, until the very end, and could not understand Dean’s own relationship with his impending death. This is unfortunately very true of the majority of ‘normal-brained’ people.

Like with monsters in the Superverse, people in our ‘verse simply do not generally see mental health struggles, trauma, and suicide as real or possible things until it is too late, whereas those of us with experience of them see them all too often. I recently had a redux of this with James Somerton’s attempted suicide. The majority of people I saw on the internet scoffed at the idea, claiming he was attention-seeking or trying to guilt people into pitying him. I and my friend, however, saw things very differently. Suicide can and does happen, and I chose to err on the side of taking him seriously until given good reason to believe otherwise. The divide is stark.

I will speak for myself out of hesitance to put words in others’ mouths with the hope my experience will be familiar to many. The loss of a friend, loved one, or even classmate does not ‘simply’ bereave, but it also traumatises. There is nothing natural about a friend hanging himself, drowning herself, a brother gassing himself, or finding out an old acquaintance died of a (possibly intentional) overdose. It goes against every instinct of self-preservation humans have and how we fundamentally believe the universe should work, and once that veil has been shattered it can never be fixed again. Whatever we may do to repair ourselves and our lives, the cracks will always be there and we will always see the other, real world through the cracks.

Returning to Sam, his behaviour with Ruby and his treatment of Dean is almost incomprehensible to me after seeing him willing to trade places in Hell. How can I reconcile Sam’s continued betrayal of, endangering of, and shitty treatment of Dean with his willingness to die for him? I cannot. If I were to have my friends back like Sam got Dean back, or if my mum were to have her brother and her friend back, I cannot imagine a situation where we would treat them like Sam treats Dean.

Once again I am left with the impression that the writers truly bit off more than they could chew with this storyline.

Moving on, Alistair’s appearance in this episode was a welcome return to demons being a threat. While I still do not care for the show’s choice to have demons be people with contact lenses, Alistair still managed to have presence. Ruby was scared of him, the statue started crying blood, and the name ’Alistair’ has clear demonic associations. In Greek mythology, Alastor was the personification of familial feuds as well as sins passed down from father to son (interesting, given Alastair tortured both Dean and John), and in Christian demonology he is an archdemon and chief executioner of Hell. In Dante’s Divine Comedy, Alastor was a fallen angel and Hell’s most skilled and sadistic torturer. He was head of the malebranche, an order of demonic torturers tasked with guarding a certain area of the eight circle of Hell.

Alistair in Supernatural is clearly inspired by this figure from demonology, though considering his pedigree it is a shame he was a) a man with contact lenses and b) not around for all that long. In his brief time on the show, he did however provide a brief glimpse of the horror Dean endured, as well as give us a glimpse at the horror Dean became.

Alistair in Supernatural is clearly inspired by this figure from demonology, though considering his pedigree it is a shame he was a) a man with contact lenses and b) not around for all that long. In his brief time on the show, he did however provide a brief glimps of the horror Dean endured, as well as give us a glimpse at the horror Dean became. Alistair’s claim that he and Dean were ‘close’ in Hell in the context of revelations etc in subsequent episodes also raises other stomach-churning likelihoods, but this is best left for my analyses of 4x10 Heaven and Hell and 4x16 On the Head of a Pin, so I will not linger on it any longer here. One thing which it is appropriate to bring up now is the damage Dean and Sam sustained in surviving and escaping Alistair.

How on Earth Dean and Sam managed to survive jumping out of the church window and hitting the ground is anybody’s guess, but while my disbelief groans in resentment at its need to be suspended once again, I am surprised that The Show actually showed consequences.

It is a very rare occasion indeed when Dean and Sam are shown to sustain damage in combat, but the scene following their defenestration begins with Sam stitching up a wound in his arm using a fish-hook. Sam cut the line after each stitch so that there would be minimal tugging, and then wisely (but painfully) sterilised the wound with alcohol. Dean seemed to have taken some damage to his right flank as well as having a dislocated shoulder. Having scenes like this makes things feel more genuine and dangerous. It also showcases some more of how tough Dean and Sam have to be in order to survive.

The same scene also had Dean suggest that Ruby might have used him and Sam to get to Anna, then called in Alistair to kill them while Ruby escaped with Anna. Hindsight suggests this

The conversations and scenes between Alistair and Ruby in 4x10 Heaven and Hell are written to lead the audience to believe they are not working together. This would mean Dean’s conclusion is wrong, but the root suspicion and misgivings are certainly well-placed and attentive. Is was convenient, after all, that Ruby should turn up at the church just as Dean and Sam found Anna, and just before Alistair turned up. Why would anybody listen to Dean though? Who was the Apollo whom Dean spurned to get landed with his Cassandra’s curse? Whatever the case, Dean’s right to be suspicious and even points out Ruby’s manipulation of him, only to be met with denial from Sam.

Two last little things before I finish:

1) Anna’s parents deserved to be killed for having a sign by their front door which read ’The Milton’s’ rather than ’The Miltons’. It really tells of a slump in the quality of native English speakers’ grasp on the conventions of their own language when people on both sides of the Atlantic (and presumably Australia) believe that one adds a comma before plurals in English. And regarding the name ’Milton’, have we talked about Paradise Lost before? The name was not coincidental.

2) In the scene with the fake Lilith when Ruby ’saved’ Sam, one of the demons threatened her with lame dialogue. ’...the things we’re gonna do to you.’ A vague disclaimer is nobody’s friend, random demon: I need specifics. What precisely are you threating to do to her? Remember when Azazel threatened Jake in 2x22 All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2 with (and this is not verbatim) ’Your mum and little sister will know the chewy taste of their own intestines before they die’? That was less vague. It could benefit some more specification, but it is sufficient.

And with that, this analysis is at an end. You can read more of my reviews here:

Series 1

Series 2

Series 3

Series 4

Sundry

And you can read Paula's review here.

[lycan-troth]

I'm so confused by the asexual spectrum, and I mean that respectfully. There's so many variations that I can't keep up with them. I've tried to understand what they are, but I've not been able to find anything that explains them simply and clearly.

Before ppl get mad or offended... I'm saying this bcs I think I could be on the spectrum, but bcs it's so confusing, I can't tell if I am or not. I just want to see simple explanations, but I can't wrap my head around all the different versions. So, I was hoping someone knowledgeable on the subject could suggest what I could be? I'm lesbian and she/they, so I understand those parts of my identity, just for some subtext. I'm just stumbling on how I (don't) experience attraction.

So, I'm 22, and I have no experience with intimacy or romance. Though, that's mainly bcs I haven't had the opportunities. I'd never be intimate with a stranger or a friend. I've only been in love once. I've only felt significant attraction to maybe 4 or 5 people? I usually catch myself trying to see if I find anyone attractive, and it often feels forced bcs the high majority of ppl I see are not attractive to me. I observe ppl, trying to find elements of them that might spark something in me, but nothing happens. I've tried to force crushes on myself before, and it just feels desperate and lonely. I feel no genuine attraction. Just indifference. It bothers me. I want to feel attraction more often, but I don't.

A good thing is that I'm not someone who's usually considered attractive. I'm cute and innocent-like, but nothing more. I'm basically that one friend everyone assumes is innocent and kind like a kid, and no one decent is interested in that. And that's okay, bcs I don't find anyone around me attractive, haha. It's just lonely. The few times I've been attracted to someone has always been really overwhelming for me. I've literally gone weak in the knees and almost fallen over bcs I saw a rlly attractive girl. But always, when I've felt attraction, I've also been afraid. I've often joked to myself that if i feel intimidated by a girl and she hasn't done anything to warrant that response, then she's just really pretty.

I have never approached anyone I've found very attractive bcs it just seems rlly weird to me. Plus, I always don't know them, or they're seeing someone, and I'm always an anxious wreck. In general, I can not recognise flirting or subtle things. I'm autistic and while my social skills aren't bad, they only go so far, lol. So, maybe someone has tried flirting before, and I just thought they were being nice? That's why I don't do subtle. The ppl in my life know that I don't play games. If I have a problem with someone, I'd tell them. If I'm happy spending time with someone, I let them know. I tell a few ppl I love them, that's a big thing for me. I like directness, but I know lots of ppl struggle with it. However, for me, I need it to be able to understand the full picture properly. Idk why so many ppl like playing weird cat and mouse games. Someone said it was to be mysterious or to not show 'too much' interest. That to me is just stupid and childish. I get feeling scared of rejection, but I don't like it when ppl mess around. It's impolite to play with someone's feelings, making them question whether you like them or not. It just breeds insecurity and doubt. To me, it's unattractive and boring. It's not romantic. But that's just me, and I'm often enough the odd one out.

Anyway, it is not often I feel attraction. Ppl are usually boring. I have felt that a few ppl were cute during brief interactions, so if those continued, perhaps that sort of feeling could have developed. I'm open to marriage with the right person, but only if they're The One. I'd only date someone if I knew them well enough, but I'm not open to dating casually. I feel very intensely about most things, and I have been in love once. It was an online relationship. I loved her very much and only wanted her happiness and comfort. I hadn't meant to fall in love, and I'd never intended to have an online relationship. But I loved her, and that changed my mind. When she broke up with me, I accepted it and comforted her about it. I mentioned that I was sad about it, naturally, but I didn't say much more than that. I understood it was difficult and upsetting for her to break up, so I respected her decision and minimalised communicating the extent of how upset I felt. I did that because telling her wouldn't be a kindness or productive. It would only make her feel more upset and guilty. We're still friends. I always thought ppl were being dramatic when they said that first loves were devastating or sad. I loved and was loved in return, which makes the experience worth it. I hope to find love again, someday.

I like the idea of romance and comfort, but obtaining it isn't so simple. However, I refuse to settle for less than what I want. On the other hand: intimacy. I'm not upset that I've never done anything. Sure, in theory, I'd like to have a bit of experience, but I don't, and that's okay. My hand does the trick for me just fine, so I'm not frustrated at all. If I had a partner, in theory, I believe if I trusted them enough, we might do something together, but in reality? Idk, but I like the idea of it.

That's all I can think of to mention. So, if someone could make a suggestion or something, I'd appreciate it. Even if it's just to tell me that I'm not part of the asexual spectrum, and I'm just an introverted, anxious, autistic, lesbian who's suffering under the devastation that is other ppl's commitment issues. That'd be fine. I'm just feeling lost and would appreciate a kind word of reassurance.

[memorydragon]

Tales of Arise, take two

So I finally got around to giving Tales of Arise a replay (and first play through of the dlc add on), and to be honest, a lot of my points still stand from my first playthrough. I did, however, enjoy it a lot more the second time, especially when I realized why it was failing to do what it wanted it.

I maintain slavery was not the vehicle needed to tell the story. Because again, you have to dead stop about potentially interesting ways of looking at what they wanted because Slavery is Bad, and obviously, you can't contradict that. So everything ends up feeling a bit hollow because of that. I think what the team really wanted to do was reflect on history, but because it was the wrong history, it ends up not hitting the points it needed to.

It's a shame, because they had the answer right there in Rena, which was honestly the most poignant part, in the unthinking of Renans. That's where the real came in, that Renans and Danans were the same and things were actually being addressed. Unfortunately, that part was really minimized, and I can see why, frustratingly. It probably hit home a little too close for censors. It would be different if the game was made today, because they could probably cover things with AI, but alas, the game was made too soon.

Really, Shionne should have been the protag. I understand why (can't have two female protags in a row, despite the fact there's only ever been two and one of those was a shared protag, but *handwaves* can't be too woke aparently.) but she really should have been. Either that, or a role reversal so that Alphen could still be the protag (honestly, masked Shionne would have been great. Here's a girl who's face you can't see! But again. Can't have that.) What Tales needed was another Luke protag.

There's a reason why fans of Tales of the Abyss love Luke so much, and it's because his character arc was really meaningful. He was tolerable in the beginning, and I admit, there's several hours of game play where he's completely intolerable and I kind of have to force myself to keep going because he's The Worst. But that's the thing. He hits rock bottom, he realizes he was the one who pushed away any chance of salvation, and then he steps forward to start being better. And I really think that's what this game needed, was not a savior protag, but a protag who was brainwashed and working out of it (a lesser degree of Luke would have worked) and understanding what was really wrong with the world they'd lived in up to then and the absolute horror of it. (But again, possibly too close to walking a line with censors)

But I digress, I really did enjoy the characters more this time around. I wish the legacy costumes hadn't been dlc (and have a few issues with their choices, but hey) and had been part of the game proper. I remember missing the legacy costumes when I first played the game, and having to pay for them now was unwelcome. I like dressing up characters as other characters, damn it. Law should have been Senel too, or better yet, Farah. Let the cross play go both ways, Tales!

The DLC felt like they finally understood what skits actually were, which was a relief. The skits in the main game felt like a crutch to avoid properly animating things, which the dlc found a better medium in going back to word bubbles. It also allowed the characters a proper chance to just be silly sometimes, which is why I love Tales. While I know why they were pushing forgiveness overall, part of me still wanted Rinwell to have a little murder. As a treat. Let's face it, I'm more invested in revenge than most people, and that's just my preference.

Same with the preference, but I'm always going to prefer Tales subtexting any romance in general. That said, it was really rude make me go through all of that 'learning about weddings' only to cut off before he could say the words. Like, they kissed at the end of the game proper, so they could at least given a little more. It was unsatisfying to have it cut away after all of that building.

I did enjoy the dlc though, and wish we'd gotten more on the Helganquil mausoleums. I'd have liked a few more of them (give the wedding side quest more time between parts too).

Over all, my only new nitpick is the soundtrack relying too heavily on choral grandeur so that so much of it just... sounds the same. Usually I'm a fan of Motoi Sakuraba, but it really felt too same-y. There's a lot of interesting ways to use vocals in a soundtrack background that they could have done instead.

So I'd say I'd enjoyed the game a lot more than the first time. Still has issues, and it'll never be my favorite Tales, but it's enjoyable. And character-wise, I really liked them better the second time, which makes a huge difference.

[k-s-morgan]

I know this is a weird question, but in your opinion, to what extent does Will love Hannibal? As far as I am aware, the relationship is not subtext only from Hannibal's side. Will, on the other hand, doesn't have any kind of strong confirmation or demonstration that shows his feeling for Hannibal is romantic. I've read some of your metas, I do believe Will has some sort of attachment to Hannibal. I fully acknowledge that Will has feelings for Hannibal, since Hannibal is strongly associated with his own darkness. However, I cannot say for sure that those feelings are romantic. Subtexts and the creators' words are not credible as queerbaiting is too common these days. I've heard that Bryan didn't plan any romance between them initially in ss1. I know that Will is not the type of person that expresses openly, and he lies too often. But unfortunately, that's also why we can never know his emotions for sure. We can only have speculations and interpretations that fit our expectations. I see the only reason why Will feels attachment to Hannibal is because Hannibal is the only one in his life that offers him the opportunity to be understood and accepted, not because Hannibal is Hannibal. We all know that Hannibal loves Will because Will is Will, he literally turns down all the offers from others (Tobias, Antony and Francis). Hannibal only wants to be seen by Will. Will, on the other hand, well, I feel like if there was another person that offered him the same opportunity for understanding, he wouldn't necessarily refuse. He doesn't really reject Matthew, you know. And also, Will strikes me as someone too straight. In short, I think Will does have some sort of feelings for Hannibal, but I am not sure they are romantic, and it seems to me that Will could have Hannibal replaced if the circumstances allowed.

Hello! I mostly voiced my thoughts about how Will expresses his feelings in this meta  - if you haven't read it, I think you might be interested. If you have, then I'll add some more thoughts here.

You are right in that Hannibal's feelings for Will are more verbally romantic. Hannibal is more open emotionally on a whole: he's at peace with himself, he understands what he wants and what he feels. Will doesn't have the same luxury. Throughout the show, he undergoes various self-conflicts and he's very confused about his own feelings.

Personally, I don't really consider these feelings ambiguous. Will's romantic love in the show is confirmed through his actions and reactions. He's silent when Bedelia asks him if he's also in love with Hannibal. This silence is an undeniable "yes" in my eyes - otherwise, there is simply no point in it. If he wanted to say no, he would have done it. He would have snorted or asked Bedelia why in the world she would think that. Instead, we have a long focus on Will's pained face, his silence, and a slow blurring into Hannibal. This is a standard story-telling technique - silence to such questions speaks very loudly in shows/movies. And based on Bedelia's face, she knew very well what the answer would be. After this, Will stages Hannibal's escape and chooses him above everyone else before running away with him, and I think it's one more confirmation of his positive answer.

'Hannibal' is not the show where lots of things are stated directly. In fact, many viewers considered "Is Hannibal in love with me" redundant and strange exactly because it was too direct for a show like this. Will's feelings are pretty glaring to me without any verbal declarations. The fact that he loves Hannibal as a friend is textual. The romantic side is revealed through visible jealousy (otherwise, what's the point of it? He clearly hates the idea of Bedelia being with Hannibal instead of him), lingering looks, anguished glances, flirtations, and so on. There is sexual fantasy of S2: Will tries to fantasize about Alana as he’s having sex with Margot. However, he sees the image of the Stagman (Hannibal’s reflection) near the fireplace. He actually sees Hannibal’s room and consequently, he sees himself in it (or he sees their rooms united). Will’s eyes widen and then his vision begins to contract, focusing on the Stagman, on how it’s sitting and then standing up in all its dark glory. Will is having an orgasm at this very moment, imagining the Stagman’s face very close. Still through the misty eyes, he tries to focus on Alana again, but his gaze moves up to the Stagman above her, as if he can’t help himself. He and Hannibal reach orgasm first, with Alana and Margot following them.

There are some bits in the text itself, too. Bedelia called Will out on "visiting his old flame". This is romantic. The whole "bride" and "wife" stuff is romantic as well. Will flirts with Hannibal with obvious relish - his "I'm yours" quote and an annoyed expression when Hannibal didn't react happen for no reason other than him feeling like this. "I need you... please" was also shown as flirty, and Will enjoyed it, it came naturally to him. I don't think he would feel comfortable with Hannibal if he wasn't in love with him back. One-sided infatuation is extremely awkward.

Finally, the show promotes the idea of their unity. It's not the show about unreciprocated love and personally, I can't see it ever being a part of the plot, especially after all "we are one" elements. Will's stubborn desire to be normal was holding him back, not his lack of feelings.

I've never seen Will as straight: he only ever has shallow attraction to Alana that conflicts with his pull to Hannibal as shown in a sexual fantasy of S2. His sex with Margot and kiss with Chiyoh are done so emotionlessly, I think it emphasizes that he's going through motions. It's impossible to determine his sexuality with what we've seen, especially since the only deep bond he has is with a man.

About turning down offers from others: I do think Will showed zero interest in Matthew. He was cold and manipulative with him, he showed no willingness to really open up or strike any kind of friendship, and he never even mentioned him again after that episode. Will's entire focus has always been on Hannibal. I don't believe Hannibal is replaceable to him in any way since their obsession is mutual. Will admires him, wants to be loved by him, is jealous whenever Hannibal pays someone else attention, can't let him go no matter what happens and how much time passes.

As an example, when Will comes looking for Hannibal in ‘Primavera’, after his pining and his confessions to Alana and Jack, he’s almost reverent about him.

Will: We were all supposed to leave together. He made a place for us. Why did I lie to him? He gave me a chance to take it all back, and I just kept lying.

Will keeps talking about him over and over again.

Will: This isn’t Hannibal, it’s just where he begins. Beyond this, far and complex, light and dark, is the vast structure of his mind. A thousand rooms, miles of corridors. Everything he remembers, wonderfully and fearfully reconstructed.

Will touches the Valentine Hannibal left for him and watches it come alive under his fingers; he lies in that spot to feel physically closer to him. He says:

Will: A valentine written on a broken man … I do feel closer to Hannibal here. God only knows where I would be without him … He left me his broken heart … He misses me.

He looks on the verge of tears, so Hannibal’s gift touched him. Will is overcome by emotions. At this very moment, his more frightened side suggests that Hannibal is also playing with him.

Will: Hannibal follows several trains of thought at once without distraction from any, and one of the trains is always for his own amusement.

We know it’s not the case, especially here, but Will has trust issues and a low self-esteem. He’s worried that Hannibal’s feelings for him aren’t as strong as he thinks they are, which is why he’s not sure how to react himself. He asks himself, “I still want to go with him?” and replies, “Yes.” He wonders about what life they’d have if they left.

Will: What if no one died? What if we all left together? Like we were supposed to. After he served the lamb. Where would we have gone? … In some other world.

This is obsession, this is a love letter at its finest. Will is as focused on Hannibal as Hannibal is focused on him, and I agree with the part of Bedelia’s words that they cannot live without each other. I think we have enough romantic text, subtext, actions and reactions to understand that Will is in love with Hannibal, even if it is not stated verbally. 

[takeariskao3]

I've never found Pansy interesting and don't know why so much of the fandom like her. But since you'll be writing a Panville fic, I'm willing to give it a shot. I'm Genuinely curious about what you like about her. Could you give us some of the reason why you like her?

so, i'm going to get on a soapbox for a second (or a high horse)

first off, i don't think your message was combative or confrontational in any way! but i do get a little defensive when it comes to some of my preferred ships/characters (especially female characters) because i shouldn't have to justify why i like them or why i find a story arc with them as the central focus interesting. you know?

however, seeing as you do seem genuinely curious, i think it is two fold.

there is a quote from JKR about pansy and it goes something like this: "I loathe Pansy Parkinson. I don’t love Draco but I really dislike her. She’s every girl who ever teased me at school. She’s the Anti-Hermione. I loathe her." now on the surface this is a whatever statement right? how could we disagree with it? of course we loathe pansy, the narrative *wants* us to loathe pansy. she's mean! but when i think about it longer than thirty seconds i get a little cringed out. because when i was a teen, i was the anti-hermione. i liked fashion, and makeup, and traditionally feminine things, i had a large group of friends and i liked my boyfriend. i was popular in the traditional sense of the word. i don't think i was a mean girl but who hasn't ever, in their life, been mean? so does the narrative (author) loathe me as well? i feel similarly about pansy that i do about lavender, that they were written from a place of deep misogyny and by a person who bought into the YA trend that main female characters needed to *not be like other girls* to be interesting.

the other half of my enjoyment of pansy & panville is that i don't like caricatures, and i really like redemption stories. genuinely. and as a fic writer, and a person who enjoys complex characters, typically the worse a character can start out, the more i want to push every button they have until they start learning some life lessons. pansy is PERFECT for this type of story. she was awful. she was raised to be the most bigoted, vapid, vain, conniving, prejudiced bully imaginable. she tried to hand harry over to voldemort! she is every resentment and insecurity rowling had as a middle schooler personified. so, if i take all of that, and try to fit it into as realistic as a person as i can, wouldn't pansy's mindset post-war be fascinating?? does she double down on dogma and hatred, or does she start to see a life and a world without division and is desperate not to be left behind? does she remain selfish and superior? or does she maybe learn there is more than one way to be good and brave? there are facets to her personality that are very queen bee-esque and despite her many flaws and failures, she still has strengths. using subtext, and a little of my own personal experiences, we can deduce that she is: confident, driven, calculating, sometimes wildly ignorant, and not very nice. in terms of a romantic story she is exploding with potential for an opposites attract (hate to love) scenario. neville is humble, content, morally steadfast, and most of all he's kind. pansy can learn a lot from him, but at the same time, neville could benefit from someone who won't coddle his more... wallflower(?) tendencies.

now i won't go into my entire history with hp fanfiction (unless you have enough time to hear ten years worth of experiences) however, i've become pretty attached to this little corner of fic for the reasons stated above. it's no secret that i like redemption stories and enemies to lovers as a romance trope. that's just what *i* enjoy. you do not have to enjoy it. but i do think it is important to think critically about the source material before deciding whether something is worth exploring or not.

i'll leave it with this, rowling has stated on the record that: "Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be Stupid Girls." and this bothers the shit out of me. i don't think girls should be hermiones or pansys or ginnys or whatever the fuck. i think girls should be whoever they are and not get told that their interests, or their experiences, or their stories are unworthy of being told because they aren't the smartest person in the room. so not only is pansy an interesting character for me to explore, she also feels like a wrong that i can make right. however small of an imprint that leaves on the world. pansy feels like a representation of what femininity is when it is defined at its worst and i intend to tear it to fucking shreds.

TLDR; pansy reinforces girl on girl hate for no other reason than vilification of teenagers, redemption arcs are fucking fire, and the idea of one character's weaknesses being another character's strength is SUCH a good foundation for romance.

thanks for the question <3

[ohifonlyx33]

Sooo, i have been sick for the past week during the peak of my sherlolly renaissance, and I may or may not have gotten it stuck in my head that I absolutely HAD to make a vid of them with a specific song (coming soon to a YouTube near you). Like it would not stand. My mind would not rest. I have thought of nothing else.

So I decided to download all 4 seasons of Sherlock and go through the episodes clipping every sherlolly scene or minor reference, as well as looking for more context clues and applicable character moments or themes.

And the one that I picked up on was the invitations to join one another for food or drink. This theory wouldn't work in every case, or necessarily mean the same thing in every case... however it works with Molly.

John and Sherlock have dinner to establish their friendship. And Irene Adler clearly doesn't want to just "have dinner" when she texts Sherlock... in fact I don't think she wants food at all. But in Molly's case it's love she's hoping for... a relationship.

It starts when Molly innocently asks Sherlock if he'd like a coffee. This sets up the theory, because "going for coffee" is Molly obviously asking Sherlock out for a date. Nothing untoward, but also not a platonic request.

But although this is clearly meant as a romantic invitation, Sherlock dismisses the subtext, and takes a coffee with 2 sugars. He also tells Molly in season 1 that digestion slows him down. Neither food nor romance are acceptable distractions... at this point he only barely tolerates friendship, and even then it's got to be useful to him.

Cut to Moriarty being "back" and Sherlock bringing Molly snacks and stealing her from her lunch date so she can help him.

Then Molly tells Sherlock he looks sad when he thinks no one can see and that she doesn't count. He looks surprised that she sees all this, but admits to nothing and denies nothing.

Anyway, she offers to help Sherlock if he ever needs anything at all... ("but what could I need from you?")

At the end of that conversation, she declares she is getting chips... and asks Sherlock if he wants anything before remembering that of course he doesn't.

Subtext in that scene seems clear to me that shes talking about more than just the chips she offered... Molly is offering him her help, loyalty, and compassion... And even her love. Even though she knows he won't reciprocate, she offers. Just as she's offering him chips she knows he won't eat.

And Sherlock starts to say something, but Molly turns heel and leaves, because of course Sherlock doesn't want anything from her. She insists that he doesn't, even when he starts to interject. She's convinced herself that Sherlock won't accept food... or anything more.

But it's interesting because he was thinking about it. Sherlock actually tries to stop her from leaving with "well, actually, I-" ...even though he's on a case! Molly's invitaton to him appealed.

And of course, later we know he takes her up on the REAL offer for help... and what he needs from her is simply her. ;)

Now cut to Molly and Sherlock working together in season 3 when John is out. Sherlock invites Molly to 221B and asks if she would like to solve crime, while Molly thinks he's going to ask her to dinner. Again she's still looking at their interactions in the context of romantic possibility. He's still prioritizing the case, but sees her as someone he can turn to.

Well, at the end of the day, Sherlock actively asks if she wants to get chips with him. Does he mean it as a romantic invitation? Maybe not fully... But the impression is still there because it's then that she finally confesses, and he knows that she can't do this because she's engaged (and if it's just chips with your old platonic friend, why would that matter?)

So yeah. They've been in this dance for a while.

[esther-dot]

How do you think j0nry@ stans got the idea that j0nry@ would end up canon? I cant seem to rap my head around the concept because at least jonrice has some “stuff” to point to their ship but j0nry@ has very little stuff that makes any sense besides the theories from self insert ar/ya stans

I’ll tell you about what I’ve seen, but I think you’ll regret asking 😂

For starters, they have the original outline. I know we all laugh because the story has changed so much, but I actually have some sympathy for this because I think the fact that Martin apparently always intended for Bran to end up king is really interesting. Obviously the context/meaning of it changed, but I’m not sure why fans act like the details being different means there isn’t anything to be gleaned from the outline. Also, I do think it matters that Martin liked the idea of a Jon x Stark girl romance because a) it means everyone arguing he’d never consider Jon/“sister” pairing can be ignored. The idea was very much in his head at one point! b) it means he thought fauxcest was commercially viable. Anyway, at one point he did say Jon would have a romance with Arya.

From the most reasonable to the most disturbing reason…swords are common phallic imagery. Can I stop there? No? Jon gives Arya a sword in AGOT. Jonry@s have metas about how that means they will eventually have sex.

Actually, maybe this is more disturbing. The argument that they will fall in love is supported with quotes about their existing love, as in, they think their sibling bond is foreshadowing for romantic love. That’s why they harp on how rarely Jon and Sansa think of each other and talk about how Jon doesn’t love Sansa—because the absence of the sibling love (in their minds) sinks romantic Jonsa which is funny because that’s what a lot of us look at and think is what would make it possible. Anyway, that means that a common thing to do is to think of this moment--

Arya ran to him for a last hug. "Put down the sword first," Jon warned her, laughing. She set it aside almost shyly and showered him with kisses. (AGOT, Jon II)

--as a shipping moment. They use it in their metas/shippy fanart.

The other thing I’ve seen them point to are the comparisons of Ygritte to Arya:

Ygritte watched and said nothing. She was older than he'd thought at first, Jon realized; maybe as old as twenty, but short for her age, bandy-legged, with a round face, small hands, and a pug nose. Her shaggy mop of red hair stuck out in all directions. She looked plump as she crouched there, but most of that was layers of fur and wool and leather. Underneath all that she could be as skinny as Arya. (ACOK, Jon VI)

and

Ygritte trotted beside Jon as he slowed his garron to a walk. She claimed to be three years older than him, though she stood half a foot shorter; however old she might be, the girl was a tough little thing. Stonesnake had called her a "spearwife" when they'd captured her in the Skirling Pass. She wasn't wed and her weapon of choice was a short curved bow of horn and weirwood, but "spearwife" fit her all the same. She reminded him a little of his sister Arya, though Arya was younger and probably skinnier. It was hard to tell how plump or thin Ygritte might be, with all the furs and skins she wore. (ASOS, Jon II)

Look, you asked, and I did warn you. They take those passages and say, (I’ve seen this multiple times by different Jonry@s), “Why are you thinking about Arya naked, Jon?” You brought this on yourself anon. You have to live with that.

So, to them there is the author’s intent in the original outline followed by a promise in the first book of the two later having a romantic relationship, the “erotic subtext” continued with the comparisons to Ygritte which all culminates with this:

Jon flexed the fingers of his sword hand. The Night's Watch takes no part. He closed his fist and opened it again. What you propose is nothing less than treason. He thought of Robb, with snowflakes melting in his hair. Kill the boy and let the man be born. He thought of Bran, clambering up a tower wall, agile as a monkey. Of Rickon's breathless laughter. Of Sansa, brushing out Lady's coat and singing to herself. You know nothing, Jon Snow. He thought of Arya, her hair as tangled as a bird's nest. I made him a warm cloak from the skins of the six whores who came with him to Winterfell … I want my bride back … I want my bride back … I want my bride back …(ADWD, Jon XIII)

To them, Jon is talking about Arya being his bride. A lot of these fans think Arya will be QitN, so it’s possible they have a theory about Jon marrying her to unite his claim with a Stark post parentage reveal, just as Jonsas argue? I really don’t know because they tend to hate Sansa so I’ve blocked a lot of them. But, that's the proof/argument I saw before I filtered the tag.

I responded to an ask from a Jonry@ once here, and explained why I didn’t think it was happening.

[telehxhtrash]

A masterpost on Togashi’s gay subtext and why it’s intentional.

Hi ! After seeing so many posts about Togashi dropping subtext about Killua's possible romantic feelings for Gon, I thought it'd be a good idea to make a sort of "masterpost" with all the subtext that Togashi has included into his work.

I usually see a lot of people trying to say that HxH isn't about romance and that Togashi isn't interested in writing romance into the manga, but when you analyze all the subtext that's been going on the further Gon and Killua's relationship progresses, I think it's incorrect to say that Togashi has never hinted at the possibility of romance in HxH.

This is going to be a long post, enjoy your read!

Also, please note that I will only base this analysis on the manga, so there can be no mistake that "maybe this is just something the anime made gayer" : i want to prove that the subtext is 100% intentional on Togashi's part.

I'd also like to mention, although I will analyze it further after listing the subtext, that Togashi is a VERY smart man. There are always little details in the story and/or foreshadowing that are easily missed at first but when you notice them, it truly makes you understand how much attention and care Togashi puts into his work. There are countless details and symbolism that are analyzed daily through wonderful meta posts, from the main 4′s birthdays and their link to their character or the religious symbolism in Kurapika’s story arc.... Togashi loves to foreshadow and plant little details into his work, so when Togashi plants subtext, I'm sure he 100% knows that he's writing it, and it can't be seen as unintentional.

I'll also link all my references for this post at the end of it, so feel free to read all the additional textposts and content if you want to know more.

Well, let's get into it!

EDIT : i can’t believe this post is still being used as a reference it makes me so happy... thank you so much !!! i edited this to tweak it a bit because i wrote this a while ago and the phrasing seemed off to me, so if you’re reading or re-reading this post, hi, welcome to masterpost on gay subtext 2.0 !

GREED ISLAND ARC

Greed Island is to me the arc that lays down the nature of Killua and Gon's relationship. It's during this arc that we get to see a bit more of what Killua thinks, how he's lucky to have met Gon and that he feels really grateful. Gon’s behavior in this arc is also very affectionate, with him always reassuring Killua about his place next to him. While the scene where Killua thinks "You've got it backwards, Gon, I'm the one that's glad I met you." can't be considered as subtext, I think it's something that lets the reader know a bit more about how Killua feels towards Gon. 

But other than this scene, which can clearly be dismissed as platonic, there are 2 more moments in the Greed Island arc that are layered in subtext.

• The Rainbow Diamond (chapter 151)

During their time in Dorias, Killua uses Risky Dice to gain cards from the slot machines. The first card that Killua gains is called "Rainbow Diamond", the description of the card being "A diamond that shines in a rainbow of colors. Propose with this diamond and she is guaranteed to say "yes"". 

There are 3 different things we can take from this panel. First, the card is a marriage proposal card, so it's obviously romantic in nature. Second, the object is a RAINBOW diamond. And third, Killua, wanting to keep the card safe, gifts it to Gon.

In short, Togashi sat down at his desk, decided to draw Killua winning a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL CARD (it could've been any card, but Togashi CHOSE to make Killua win a marriage proposal card) that has a RAINBOW diamond on it and made Killua gift it to Gon. 

While I personally don't think that subtext can be used to 100% ascert that Killua has romantic feelings for Gon, I think it's a funny little touch from Togashi, and I'm even gonna say a sort of hint towards how Killua's feelings for Gon are going to evolve in this arc and the next.

• “It has to be Killua” (chapter 166)

Now this is a scene that I've never seen anyone talk about, at least on Tumblr, but when I read a bit of analysis on it I was 100% convinced this was intentional subtext. I'm basically quoting here what this article explains, so if you want more detail, I recommend reading it.

As you probably recall, during their deadly dodgeball game against Razor, Killua decides to sacrifice his hands to ensure that Gon could use all his strength. When confronted about it, Killua insists that it's nothing, and Gon shocks him by saying that he knew all along that he was hurting himself for his sake. 

Gon then says that it can only be Killua holding the ball, and that it has to be Killua, resulting in Killua being absolutely awestruck and embarassed. I'm also going to talk about the anime adaptation for this one, because it's perfectly executed and translates extremely well the nuance that the second sentence bears. If you want to rewatch it, this scene happens in episode 70. It's worth noting that in the anime, we see Killua not reacting to Gon's first sentence, but losing his composure entirely when Gon says the second sentence. But why ?

The reason was lost in translation. His exact words are "Booru wa Killua ga motte-kurenai to. Killua ja nakya dame nan da.". Both sentences basically say the same thing : It has to be Killua holding the ball. That second sentence can be translated literally as "If it's not Killua, that won't do." However, the second sentence, in a different context, can also be used to say a totally different thing. 

While it's certain that Gon used this sentence in the context of the dodgeball match, the sentence "~ja nakya dame nan da" also serves as a confession of one's feelings in japanese. It's basically the equivalent to "you're the one for me". When you google the sentence, it turns up romantic songs, forum posts asking what it would translate to in English and posts on how to confess to someone. 

The sentence basically drowns in romantic subtext. As mentioned before, Killua has no reaction to the first sentence "Booru wa Killua ga motte-kurenai to.", but loses his composure at the second one, and I think that was a very deliberate thing Togashi wanted to convey : this sentence has an additional layer, and clearly Killua is taking it to heart.

I will come back to this specific subtext in a bit, because we can parallel it with another subtext-y situation, so please keep it in mind for now.

CHIMERA ANT ARC

Now onto the sad gay arc! This arc is so RIDDLED in subtext and parallels that it's making me lose my mind.

• Gon, you are light. (chapter 199)

This scene is just... So romantic in nature. I’m not too objective on this, but I really do believe that this moment is the exact moment Killua fell in love with Gon and started to realize he felt a bit more than friendship towards him. It’s Killua respecting Gon for who he is, realizing that he’s light and he’s always been, he’s the one who saved him and who’s always been so bright and optimistic and always makes the best out of any situation. In this scene, Killua lets himself drown in Gon’s light, allows himself to feel this “wow” moment of pure admiration and love, and it’s absolutely beautiful.

It's extremely important to take the context of this scene into account. What happened is that Killua, who has been struggling mentally for the entire series with the fact that he's always running away, ran away once more, leaving Kite to die with Pitou. This ENTIRE chapter is literally adults absolutely DESTROYING Killua, first Kite's troupe bashing him for leaving Kite behind, and then Netero, Morel and Knov coming in like icing on the cake telling Killua that "After all, he's just a kid", and that he should hurry up to his mommy. 

Killua is beating himself up for running away again, got destroyed by Kite's team and 3 extremely strong pro hunters. His morale is down in the drains right now. He expects Gon to be mad at him for betraying Kite, for running away once again, for leaving Kite to die alone and ripping Gon away from Kite : he expects that he'll lose Gon for his cowardice.

HOWEVER, the first thing that Gon says to Killua after having been passed out for god knows how many hours is "Thank you". 

Gon woke up and instantly eased up all of Killua's fears : he wasn't a loser for running away, and Gon was actually thankful for him. Gon, at this moment, was the only one that showed kindness, understanding and gratefulness towards Killua. Gon even goes so far as saying that he knows that Kite isn't dead, and that they have to help him. At this instant, Gon is truly Killua's saving grace. He's the one that trusts him with his entire heart, and believes in his choices when even he can't believe in himself. Gon is truly Killua's light at this precise moment, because he was the only one who supported him, trusted him and reassured him in this awful situation.

How can someone shine so bright in such a terrible situation ? How can someone be so positive that nothing bad will happen ? 

Gon asserting all of this makes Killua respect him a lot. Keep this word in mind, because it’s going to be important in the next piece of subtext I’m analyzing, because those two scenes canonically follow each other and are basically Togashi highlighting that something special happened when Killua called Gon his light, and that his feelings deepened.

• Introduction to Palm's character (chapter 200)

This piece of subtext is very very easy to miss but it's one of the most important subtext-y scene, because coupled with the “Gon, you are light” scene, it’s very clear that this dialogue is deliberately highlighting Killua’s feelings.

This chapter introduces Palm's character (which, imo, is a character introduced for the sole intent of being a catalyst to Killua's feelings towards Gon, but I'll talk about it in my post talking about the CAA parallels) - edit: i talked about this briefly here.

So, Killua having looked into Gon's eyes for like 10min straight and concluded that Gon was the light of his life a chapter ago, is now chilling with Gon as they meet Palm. 

Palm takes them to a café and STRAIGHT OFF THE BAT harasses them about how much she's in love with Knov. Like when I say harassing, it's literally a whole page of her explaining her feelings towards Knov. 

There are two interesting things that can be drawn from this interaction.

First, it's extremely easy to draw parallels between Palm's situation towards Knov and Killua's situation towards Gon. Palm starts by saying how amazing her master is, that she probably has special feelings for him but the most important thing is to respect the other person. Remember how I talked about how this last scene was Killua having a surge of deep, deep respect for Gon ? Palm makes sure to highlight that special word, that it’s important to respect someone when it comes to love.

She then goes on to say that she hasn't said anything to Knov, and never will. All of this adds nothing to the story, it's empty dialogue, Togashi could've introduced Palm in virtually any other way possible, but he chose to drag her and the gay duo to a café and make her have a monologue about love RIGHT after the extremely emotional panel of Killua declaring that Gon is his light just a chapter ago.

But there's more. Not only does Palm monologue for a while about love, but after finishing her monologue, this happens :

This panel features ONLY Palm and Killua, her looking at him like the psycho she is, and straight up telling him that "love can suddenly spark out of nowhere, don't you think so?". 

What's so interesting about this is the fact that Togashi made the deliberate choice to have Palm say this to Killua and Killua ONLY, which after the gay existential crisis he had last chapter, can very much be applied to his situation. Love DID spark out of nowhere, and Togashi wants you to notice. Togashi could've made Palm say this to herself, with no distinct listener like the last panel, but he made the conscious choice to draw this panel with Palm adressing herself to Killua SPECIFICALLY. 

Those two pieces of subtext, that fit perfectly together, make me believe 100% that Togashi knows what he's doing and he's not unintentionally planting gay subtext in his work. The fact that Togashi sat at his desk, drew Killua calling Gon his light, and then followed this scene with the introduction to a character who picks Killua apart to tell him that "love is something that just happens, don't you think?" is 100% proof that Togashi knows what he's doing.

• Date with Palm (chapters 217 and 218)

I think this situation has many layers, but many people still dismiss it as bro behavior so I'm gonna try my best to counter argue. First of all, and although that's not proof of anything, Killua looks EXTREMELY distressed by the prospect of Gon going on a date with Palm, but that can be counter-argued by saying that Killua is just worried because Palm is completely crazy. 

What I want to talk about is the scene that happens right after, when Gon and Killua go to the gym (because theyre DUDES YEAH WE WORK OUT NO HOMO), and the conversation casually drifts to Killua asking Gon if he's ever been on a date before, valid question considering what just happened previously. There are multiple things here :

1) Killua seems distressed that Gon has been on dates before. While it can be argued that it's a normal reaction because Gon has and he hasn't, I believe that Killua - who is in no way a normal person who would get flustered about "not having been on dates before a certain age" - would not feel uncomfortable that his friend is more experienced than him - especially when literal seconds later, he monologues about how he doesn’t care about dates and just wants to stick with Gon.

2) Gon then proceeds to ask Killua if he's ever been on a date, to which Killua responds :

What I want to highlight is the panel where Killua says "And the truth is, I want to stay by your side... Always...". Basically, what Killua is saying, is that he doesn't care about dates, all he wants to do is be with Gon.

I don't think this can be counter-argued as bro behavior, but with all the subtext I've explained before, this right here is pretty gay. Togashi put this panel deliberately to show that Killua doesn't give a crap about dates when he can stay with Gon, and with the "gon you are light" scene and everything in mind, this is another intentional subtext.

There's also the fact that Killua stalks the date like a jealous girlfriend - but I'm not gonna count that as subtext because it can be argued that he's just worried about Gon because Palm is insane.

• Gon is my best friend ! (chapter 219)

Remember how I told you to keep the "It has to be Killua" subtext in mind because I was gonna come back to it later ? Well.

During Palm's date with Gon, Killua runs into Rammot, who would definitely have ran into Palm and nenless Gon. Killua is forced to confront his worst fear : this is the moment where he knows that if he runs away again, Gon WILL die. Killua is literally overcoming his "programming", the physical representation of years of abuse out of love and care for Gon. He's ripping out the needle from his forehead out of pure, genuine care for Gon, because if he doesn't, then he'll lose him forever. 

Now, what I actually wanna talk about is this panel :

What we see is Killua thinking happy thoughts about all his adventures with Gon because he can't - won't - doesn't want to run away anymore, and all this for his sake. But what I wanna draw attention to is the dodgeball panel that's bigger than all the others, and the only one where you can actually clearly make out what's written : "Killua ja nakya dame nan da". 

Now, isn't that interesting that the panel that takes a bigger place in the whole panel is the one with this particular sentence? Remember what I talked about a bit earlier, about how "~ ja nakya dame nan da" is a sentence with a lot of romantic connotations (would pretty much equal to "you're the one for me" in English). Clearly this particular sentence stuck with Killua. 

I'm not completely objective on this matter since I firmly believe that at this point, Killua has romantic feelings for Gon, but I interpret this as another deliberate thing Togashi did : putting the panel bigger so we can see that it has a particularly significant importance to Killua, and Killua's state of mind right now (not wanting to lose Gon). 

In my opinion, two things happened here: One, Killua remembers this specific interaction because he knows how much Gon trusts him and he doesn't want to betray his trust. But I also firmly believe that Killua remembered this specific interaction because of the romantic connotation the sentence "Killua ja nakya dame nan da" has. Those words clearly shocked him, and I think he remembers them in this life-threatening situation, after the "gon you are light" scene, Palm talking about "love just happens", the "i want to stay with you, always" because he realizes that he wishes Gon would say that sentence in a romantic context, and not in the context of the dodgeball match, thus leading him to surpass himself to prove his love and perhaps live to see the day where Gon could say those words in that romantic context.

Now, of course, all of this is my interpretation, so it's really up to debate, but I really wanna highlight the fact that Togashi deliberately CHOSE to highlight this particular interaction between Gon and Killua, this sentence with romantic subtext, to lead Killua to finally break his chains and be able to be protect Gon fully. It’s also interesting to note that the 2011 anime adaptation also makes it a point to emphasize how deep these words stuck to Killua by making it the last flashback that makes Killua effectively rip out the needle out of his head. 

Also let's quickly mention the irony in the situation here : while Gon is on a romantic date, Killua fights to protect him, overcoming his weakness to prove his love. It’s not Palm who deserves that date, it’s Killua.

• A lovers’ suicide (chapter 286)

Now, onto the most important piece of subtext, that can not be counterargued as platonic in any way, shape or form. During the palace invasion, Killua leaves Gon's side, proceeds to go kick Youpi's butt only to have to fall back because he used up all his electricity nen. When Killua is charging up, he meets with Meleoron, and tells him that once he's done charging, he'll go back to Gon's side. 

They briefly exchange information about the battle, and then Meleoron proceeds to ask Killua what's the plan for him and Gon. That's when Killua explains that "Once Gon is like this, he won't budge an inch. Worst case scenario, it'll be a double suicide.". At worst they both die, cool. They “go down in flames together”. It’s actually much, much more meaningful than that.

The specific word that Killua uses for double suicide is "心中" (shinjuu), which is a heavily romantically connotated word in japanese. Shinjuu, also translated as "lovers’ suicide", is when two people die out of love, by the same method, because there's a belief that this'll allow those two people to spend eternity together. Shinjuu is a major theme of Japanese literature, and it is always used romantically. It's a very uncommon word to use to refer to two people dying together, because of its heavy romantic connotation, and because it always refers to double suicide committed by people bound by love. In literature, it always refers to two lovers, in love. If you want to read more on shinjuu, i suggest this and this, those articles explain its historic roots and the definition, also emphasizing the feeling of "oneness" that characterizes shinjuu. If you’re interested, I also suggest reading the japanese article that defines shinjuu, and hitting the google translate button, it has some pretty interesting sentences like “Shinjuu is traditionally committed by men and women out of mutual love, in the hope that they will be connected in the afterlife because they can't be together in this world.”

So basically, what Killua is saying is that he wants to go back to Gon's side to die with him, committing a "lovers’ suicide" because he doesn't want to leave Gon to die alone, and wants to die with him.

I also want to emphasize how special this word is to Killua, and that he and everyone around him know the special meaning of this word - In chapter 300, Ikalgo literally says "We were... No, KILLUA was ready to commit shinjuu with Gon". Ikalgo is really highlighting the fact that this word holds special meaning, especially to Killua, and that it was HIM who was willing to commit shinjuu by staying with Gon. Ikalgo and company dying with Gon wouldn't be shinjuu, but Killua dying with Gon would be, and Togashi emphasizes this through Ikalgo's thoughts.

This is pretty much the gist of it, but I suggest reading the wonderful post I linked in the references below if you want to know more about this specific subtext.

(edit : i actually wrote a post going a bit more into detail on Killua’s shinjuu wish if you want to read it here ! :3)

• “The one that Gon needs the most is you” (chapter 294)

I will go into this subtext more in details when I write the post about parallels in CAA, but I still want to talk about it briefly here.

Like I said before, to me, Palm was introduced as a catalyst for Killua's feelings towards Gon. Togashi purposefully wrote Palm as having romantic feelings for Gon to foil Killua's feelings for Gon and make him show jealousy towards Palm. 

To Killua, Palm is someone who stole Gon from him, he sees her as a threat because maybe she'll make Gon happier than he does ? (ofc we all know thats not true but Killua is baby) - Basically, Killua thinks Palm might be more important to Gon than Killua is, because he believes they are romantically involved. That's why when he sees her again later on, after Gon rejected his help, leaving Killua helpess as to how to save his dear friend, Killua sees Palm as a saving grace. 

He knows that if Gon sees Palm as a chimera ant, he will spiral down even more, so he tries to reason with her to get her to be gentle to Gon, because if not her, then who could? Palm would clearly be able to comfort Gon, with whom Killua believes is romantically involved with, better than him, right ? If Gon rejected Killua, then clearly Palm could help, since she seems closer to Gon (BECAUSE HE BELIEVES THEYRE DATING), right? 

This confrontation between Palm and Killua closely ressembles a situation like an ex confronting a new girlfriend - and I think this is exactly why Togashi wrote Palm this way. He wanted Killua to confront who he thought was a threat to their relationship, making him believe that this person who's """"dating"""” Gon is more important to him than himself, only to have her openly admit that she means nothing to Gon. The only one Gon needs is Killua.

And that, my friends, coming from someone you believe is romantically involved with your best friend (who you probably have a crush on), someone you're jealous of, the one you thought was the person most important to him, that's a pretty meaningful statement. 

Basically, what's happening, is that Palm reaffirms that Gon holds Killua closer than a potential romantic partner. And that's why Killua is so, so happy to hear that. He was questioning his entire relationship, questioning if Gon even cared about him, because he rejected him a few minutes before, but then his "rival" comes in and reaffirms that even she knows that no one comes close to Killua to Gon.

I also want to mention that this act of pure love (Killua only thinking of saving Gon when in a life threatening situation) is what made Palm come back to her human senses. d'awwwwww

• Illumi and Hisoka’s parallel on lovers who die of Alluka’s requests. (chapter 323)

Now onto the final significant subtext - while I don't particularly think of it as subtext-y, I know a lot of people have so I still want to include it here.

When Illumi explains Alluka's powers to Hisoka, he explains that there are two different types of linked deaths when a request is failed : 1) the person who failed + the person they love the most 2) the person who failed + the people they spent most of their time with. 

When applied to Killua, Hisoka naturally comes to the conclusion that no matter the outcome, Gon would always be the one dying with Killua, because he's spent so much time with him, and because he's the one that Killua loves the most. In the panel where Illumi explains this, we see a romantic, heterosexual couple  demonstrating the effects of not completing one of Alluka's requests, and thus the "most important person dying". 

While not making any true parallels, the fact that Hisoka, and the readers, are drawn to compare a heterosexual, romantic pairing to Killua dying with Gon because he's his "most important person" is an interesting piece of subtext.

_______

I want to finish by talking about Killua's birthday and how significant it is in my opinion. All the main 4 characters have birthdays that fall on specific dates, related to Japanese tradition, and often with events that can be associated to their character. Gon's is 5/5, which is Children's Day. Kurapika's is 4/4, the number 4 being considered an unlucky number, and this being an unlucky day to have a child. Leorio's is 3/3, Hinamatsuri (not really any main parallels here but still). But Killua's birthday is 7/7, and is the Japanese day to celebrate Tanabata. 

If you are not familiar with Tanabata, the story is as follows : Orihime is a princess who works for her father, working hard and well, but she laments the fact that because of her hard work she can't meet someone and fall in love. Her father arranges for her to meet Hikoboshi, allowing Orihime to leave because he expects her to come back to work for him, but the two immediately fall in love and get married, and she never returns. I won't get into the rest of the story as it's this part that interests me the most, but if you want to read more about Killua and Tanabata I suggest reading the post I referenced below.

Does the story of Orihime remind you of anyone ? Killua also works for his father, but laments the fact that he can't go outside and meet someone. His father then lets him go, saying, and i quote: "he will come back, because he's my son". Doesn't this remind you of the tale of Tanabata ? Killua's story references the tale of Orihime perfectly, and I believe this is intentional : Killua's birthday isn't of any importance to the plot, so why make it Tanabata, a day that celebrates a love story that closely ressembles Killua's story ? The answer is simple : subtext.

With all this in mind, I think it's pretty clear that Togashi is writing intentional subtext to hint at Killua's feelings being romantic in nature. Togashi is a master writer, he has years of experience, and I strongly believe he knows what he's doing and not planting unintentional subtext. He's a very smart man, and knows how all of this can be interpreted.

I will finish by saying that Togashi is NOT an author that would deliberately queerbait his readers. So many people dismiss the possibility of having gay subtext leading onto an actual canon gay relationship because "it's not like the author would ever have gay main characters". While this holds true for a lot of manga authors, especially shonen manga authors, it does NOT apply to Togashi. 

Togashi has always displayed interest in queer subjects and queer representation, putting trans characters in all of his major works (Miyuki in YYH, Mikihisa in Level E and Alluka in HxH). There were also canonically gay characters in his previous works : Itsuki in YYH, and a character named Kuramoto in Level E. 

Togashi also always had interest in mangas having BL elements, citing Maya Mineo's "Patalliro!" as a manga he was attracted to during High School. If you're unfamiliar with Patalliro, the story focuses on the main character's love life as a gay man.  He also admitted to basing Hiei's (YYH) design off a character from that manga. 

Last but not least, Togashi mentioned in a note included in volume 1 of YYH that he wanted to write a sports manga, called The Trouble Quartet, where basically all the characters are gay. Togashi said he based it off his own interests as a writer, and that while it was refused by Shonen Jump, he got deeply attached to the project and that he would love to explore this project in a different shape once he made a name for himself. I suggest reading this post because the parallels between The Trouble Quartet and HxH are HILARIOUSLY accurate.

In short, Togashi has always had interest in queer matters, and was always interested in putting queer representation in his work. After YYH, which was a terrible experience for Togashi as a writer, he managed to snatch a contract that basically allows him to do whatever he wants with HxH. Having always held dear BL matters but never being able to explore it to his full intent, I believe Togashi is exploring queer identity further with HxH, because Shonen Jump basically lets him do anything.

To conclude, with Togashi's past experience and skill, his interest in queer representation, and the amount of subtext surrounding Killua, I honestly believe that Togashi is trying to explore further queer representation, and I wouldn't be surprised if HxH ends with Gon and Killua becoming a canon pairing, whether it be delivered in an ambiguous manner or not. 

Edit : I actually wrote a post on why I believe it won’t be ambiguous, and that it’s truly never been ambiguous, just developing : here.

I hope you enjoyed the read, thank you for reading all of this, and feel free to show this to anyone who denies subtext in HxH !

REFERENCES

- "It has to be Killua" - Medium article, "Impossibilities in Translating Queerness : The Dodgeball Dilemma" 

- Palm's Date Scene - Reddit post, "Togashi's love of Ambiguity: Chapters 217 and 218" 

-A thematic analysis of Palm’s character : ”The Issue With Palm”

- Shinjuu - Tumblr post by hunterxhell, "A lovers' suicide, I guess." :  + the post that mentions Ikalgo talking about shinjuu 

- An analysis on different subtext-y situations

- Illumi and Hisoka’s parallel : here and here 

- Killua’s birthday : "Killua, July 7th, and the significance of his birthdate”

- Togashi's interview mentioning Mineo's Patalliro 

[nenastrology]

there's an intensity of emotion found within the "taboo" that's really easy to tap into for gay romance because there's like hundreds of years of illegitimacy underlying the choice to characterize someone that way. it's the same engine that makes gothic romances run which is why it's especially interesting when it's in like an action movie or a shonen or whatever because it doesn't really exist as text but as subtext that like flavors the character and the work at large however unintentionally. it's a weird space to be in where the love you have and are predisposed is so huge and defining and terrifying to those around you in a way that's like weirdly resonant despite the implications. especially since it's often subtext so the way it's communicated tends to be coded in a way that only the out group being commented on bothers to interpret so it's kind of a communal thing too

you mention gothic romance well ur begging for a paragraph about carmilla iconic homophobic gay characters <3 i think part of what i find compelling is i do really enjoy tragedy and dark stories and letting the character be evil or the villain they are often in a position of more narrative agency over their own fate they are continuing the behavior rather than a character simply being wrung out for a sad tragic gay storyline this and that or that i think it also in some ways gives word to the sheer intensity and how terrifying these kinds of emotions hiding and shame can all be like idk again back to carmilla its like the fascinating way it mixes the fear of her as a creepy lesbian presence and the tragedy of the fact she falls in love with most of her victims but cannot live without their blood but she cannot even bear to think about it sometimes like shes terrified of signs of death ive actually thought a lot about the weird intermingling of gay desire and death killing etc cuz i am insane i have pdfs on my computer i actually dont even really have a fully formed thesis i just find it deeply compelling and i think to some degree like something like carmilla was written with homophobic intent but because its transposed onto a vampire rather than simply saying oh lesbians will come to your home and try and seduce your daughter to evil that carmillas angst is about being a vampire you know that she kills girls not that she loves them and is fully confident in her pursuit of laura idk it just adds something special i think i cannot fully put a word to it but fascinating again why it was lame and dumb when they made a carmilla movie like ok what if we just revealed all the homophobia in the stark light of day like i mean sure whatever but anyone with half a brain can see that its just really interesting seeing what exists anyways what we can draw out from that when we see the complex gothic romance going on whatever this makes no sense love and light i like your thoughts also this was semi unrelated you just got me thinking :3

[marisandini-chu-blog]

How Shadow and Bones Differentiate Villain and Anti-Hero

Alright, first I need to claim the fact that I love dark, edgy, but misunderstood bad boy in stories with the potential of epic redemption. Loki from Marvel. Jason Todd from DC. Captain Hook from Once Upon a Time. Zuko from AtLA. You name them, I simp them.

So when I watched this new show on Netflix and shown a tall, handsome man in dark clothing, both respected and feared for his power. I feel... nothing. 

WHICH IS WEIRD! Like... he’s obviously my type. Complete with the sad backstory and vicious streak. So I kept wondering why I wasn’t enamored by the Darkling, Alexander Kirigan. I wasn’t surprised he was the main villain, I even expected it. But I usually at least have a bit of sympathy for them. This OOC behavior of mine made me introspect myself and the show, trying to find out which part gave me the red flags before Mother Darkling decides to pop the chosen one out halfway in the season. 

That’s when it hit me; there were red flags! The show had been subtly trying to tell us Kirigan is a manipulative boyfriend not just by great acting and good directing, but by comparing him with the actual anti-hero of the story who I actually love; Kaz Brekker. 

Here’s the list of signs you might not notice of why Kirigan is meant to be a Villain instead of an Anti-Hero. 

1. The Eyes

"The eyes are the window to the soul" is a common saying and and the key to good acting for any good show. Eyes tell us a lot about what a person’s character is like and SaB showed us the difference of a sincere man and a man with a hidden agenda.

Look at him! Look at that little smirk. Look at the gaze. That's the look you find when someone's evil little plan is finally coming together. Not one awed by the power or by Alina. A blatant sus move is what I'm saying. Congrat, first flag planted.

Sure he could still fall in love with Alina, but that doesn't stop his agenda either. All it does is potentially create conflict for him to pick either his plan for revenge or life with Alina.

In comparison, look at Kaz when he said this to Inej; "She isn't like you, no one is." Straightforward eyes. Serious grim. No nonsense tone. Inej is one of the most talented and terrifying rogue-assassin and Kaz just blatantly said that he kept her from 'slavery' because of who she is, not what she's capable of. Like... the man has no shame being known to love her while still trying to be professional (or as professional a thief can be). I can respect that.

This is the eye of a man who would abandon everything to make sure she comes out alright in the end. Do not argue with me on this!

2. Leverage and Status

The moment Alina steps into the Little Palace she was treated like a princess. A palace, by the way, that’s managed by the Darkling. She gets favorable treatment; from the food, Zoya displaced when she fought Alina, a horseback ride just the two of them, asking her to call by his name to make them familiar, a black uniform that might as well be claiming???

Dude is desperate is what I’m saying. 

Sure, this could all be romantic gestures. There’s the problem that Kirigan is superior in status and name, powerful Grisha, and has a vested interest in her power. Pursuing romance while Kirigan has the ability to make her life heaven or hell with a snap of his finger made every single decision be seen with wariness. 

"Beware of powerful men," Genya couldn't put it any better.

Had they pursued romance after they destroy the fold, cementing Alina’s position as a saint more. Then I might have let go of that wariness. 

I’m only proven correct when the moment Alina turned away from him, Kirigan made another leverage by (spoiler!) putting an antler to her collarbone... eeeewwww much?! 

That’s how desperate the Darkling is to be in control of a person and a situation. 

And when no letter came for Alina? That a big red flag because who else in this castle can control the coming of going of letter with the Savior. HMMMMMMMMMMM.....

Then there’s Kaz. My man. There’s no competition. This guy held no leverage on my dear Inej. When she almost decided to leave, Kaz didn't force or convince her to stay but he ask her. Doesn't remind her of her debt whether monetary or life debt to him. In fact, this guy needs money for revenge but instead mortgage his main source of income for her freedom.

HE POSTPONED HIS LIFE GOAL TO FREE HER FROM DEBT ASJHAKFSDJGLDFJ!!!  

What more do I need to say? 

3. Sympathy Card

This is the type of point you want to watch out from your partners, ladies, gents, and others. The sympathy card is the way to go when anyone wants to reach out to you so you can take care of them before they abuse or gaslight you. 

While it’s good to share trauma and eased the burden, sometimes it's healthy to ask yourself whether the person can take advantage of you and to verify whether they lie to you or not.

When Kirigan shared about his past as a sympathetic boy with his secluded fountain and coin. Everything about that scene rang warning bells for me... the part he had requested her to use his color... requesting to horse ride with just them two... sharing sob story that may encourage Alina to help him...

Kudos to Alina to see through the fact she's seen as a means to an end.

It was only when Kirigan showed righteous anger and frustration of a war that's killing his people did Alina finally opened her heart to him.

Kaz however doesn't use the sympathy card. Heck, the man likes to believe he shed away any weakness and threw it in the harbor where it belongs. Kaz hates weaknesses. And garnering sympathy is an admission of weakness for him.

We still know there's a tragic backstory as any decent anti-hero would have... but by not sharing that, this implies that Inej and Jesper stayed because of who he is, and not because of who he was or how he came to be. They don't need a sob story to stay together and that showed a stronger bond between them.

4. Friends

To be frank, I find this the most hilarious because this point is the one that convinced me that Kirigan was secretly an evil bastard.

He doesn’t have any friends!!!

Like... dude had a literal witch army, a wife once, a fuck buddy, and a girlfriend but there wasn’t a single moment in the show where someone, outside of Alina and superior, to speak casually to him. 

You’re telling me this person... the most powerful and influential Grisha in the East Ravka, charming as hell, handsome as fuck, and yet he doesn’t have friends?! 

“I’ve buried good soldiers... friends...” Get the fuck out of here! WHAT FRIENDS?!?! Maybe if you get off your little power trip from your self-made pedestal, you can actually be less of an asshole and make one. 

Sure he excused himself by blaming his ‘ancestor’ for being a shadow summoner. I can see how the fear makes it hard for him to get close to anybody. But all the other characters who are part of his army only ever shown to speak with him respectfully, and the royalty even commend him. No one disrespected him even openly and you’re telling me he doesn’t have one friend amidst all these people?!

In comparison, look at Kaz. He’s brash, crude, and unapologetic. He held true to his moniker ‘Bastard of the Barrel’ and yet this ass has friends. They show Jesper joking with Kaz, and Kaz has shown to banter with him back as well as tolerating his gambling addiction when it could have jeopardized the Job. Inej was shown to actually argue and have disagreement with Kaz when he’s technically her boss. Can you imagine the Darkling doing that? CAN YOU?!

No. Because he's a pretentious ass. That's why.

This is a great example of the use “show not tell” of how Kaz despite his obvious edges has a soft spot shown through his relationship with Inej and Jesper, who have a friendly dynamic. I can attest that while Kaz didn’t create a good first impression, I love Jesper and Inej (they are precious!) so much that I project it to Kaz in extension.

On the other hand, Kirigan’s goodwill had only ever been told by outsiders or himself. None from his inner circle (which he doesn’t have!) other than his mother, who ended up outing him instead. 

So I applaud the writers and showrunners of SaB to actually have subtext signs of a manipulative bastard. The Duckling is a good villain character that's complex but unredeemable. Sometimes, you just have a good ol' charming villain you can't redeem and that's okay.

[daisyachain]

hi!! i've been reading through your ao no flag liveblogs lately and they're really interesting! i enjoy seeing someone so passionate about this manga and it makes me want to reread it .... i'm really interested in hearing what you have to say about masumi's ending though!! part of me thinks it makes sense but i'm mostly conflicted on it and would love to see it from your perspective ^^

haha well thank you! ah yes, the arc that created as much controversy as you can get in an active readership of like 10 people...

Blue Flag is an imperfect story, but it also gets a lot of flack for things that a) didn't...actually...happen, b) didn't happen in the way people think they did.

Part 1: Is it actually straightwashing?

The most common criticism I see of Masumi's ending is that she was written as a lesbian character and straightwashed at the end. Marrying off a female character as a way to 'fix' her issues is a common and harmful trope, and saying that lesbian women just need to get a man is a widespread homophobic trope and talking point. So, it's not a good look. To have a character angst over interest in a woman and end up happily married to a guy reads like a '50s pulp novel that just uses f/f attraction for marketing.

But, if the intention of the ending was to show that Masumi should give up on women and force herself to date men, then it doesn't. Mitsuyuki's description of her is 'look at my bisexual wife who has dated both women and men and could also have married a woman', which is an odd choice if the intention was straightwashing. It feels more like a clumsy way to make sure that, in a series full of ambiguity, there could be no argument that Masumi was queer. That isn't to say that cisstraight people don't view bisexuality as less/better than/straighter than her being lesbian and that making a previously gay character bisexual isn't still straightwashing (increasing the appearance of straightness).

Part 2: Was it actually a retcon?

So: Masumi's ending reaffirms that she's a WLW. One question is, was she always meant to be bisexual, or was she originally written as lesbian?

Blue Flag doesn't have a lot of straight (no pun intended) answers. Taichi never expresses any explicit attraction to guys, but there is enough subtext to suggest he's attracted to Touma well before the finale. Futaba believes she is attracted to Touma at first and is shown to be attracted to him using the visual shorthand of manga (blushing, etc.), but she later says that it was just misinterpreted admiration. Mami doesn't want to date Touma or any man, but she implies that she is attracted to Touma when she says around him she was 'glad to be a woman.' Within the main romance, Futaba says that it was specifically because Taichi was a friend to her that she grew to like-like him. The lines between friendship and romance are blurred in Blue Flag, and sometimes romance can only grow out of friendship.

Masumi has a tense conversation with Taichi in the first half after she breaks up with her boyfriend that most people (me included) read as her saying that she tried guys and she just isn't and can't be attracted to them. However, it's Blue Flag, so the conversation is unfocused and doesn't paint a complete picture.

"Even if I get a boyfriend, I can never make it work"/"I don't know why [I don't like him anymore]" seem to imply that Masumi realized that she was feeling compulsory heterosexuality and that she will never like men. "[I don't know] why he like someone like me"/"You can be friends with potential sexual partners? With both guys and girls?"/"I just wanted to hear how you men feel about [a girl liking other girls]" seem to imply that Masumi is bisexual and is afraid to date because someone might find out. Maybe she's written as questioning--she knows she likes Futaba, but she's feeling out other possibilities. It's Blue Flag, so it's unclear.

Part 3: How does it work with Masumi's arc?

Diving further into Masumi's story, she acts as a foil to Touma (and Futaba, see later). Touma feels free to show his affection for Taichi as a friend as well as a love interest and almost confesses to him of his own free will, well before he's forced to. Touma tells her that he intends to try and set Taichi up with Futaba (because they would be good for each other), and also that he intends to pursue Taichi in some way. He tells her he's "not like [her]."

For Masumi's part, she tells Touma that she wants to express more affection for Futaba--not necessarily in a romantic way, just to participate more fully in that relationship--but she's afraid to, she doesn't feel confident enough to try, and that she's "the worst" because of it. We see this theme repeated, that Masumi is pessimistic, is afraid to trust people and hates herself for being afraid. Her conversations with Aki and Mami explore this; Aki tells her that it's not bad to be insecure or unready and that it's fine to keep a secret/stay closeted until she's ready, Mami tells her that she does have people she can trust, who care about her and who will do their best to understand her and help out. Why am I typing all this out? Because Masumi is a bitter, insecure wlw and that is an Established Trope, but her twist on it is that her negativity or bitterness isn't over her attraction to women/to Futaba or even over the reaction she might get from others (as Touma's is), it's over her own insecurity. Like Futaba, she's hesitant to act on her feelings, and like Futaba, she gets frustrated and hates herself for her own inaction.

All that is to say--Masumi is never shown to have a problem with her attraction to women. Her angst isn't gayngst, she's not ashamed of her feelings for Futaba bur rather her inability to express them. Her problems are with social attitudes and more with her own personal feelings--she and Touma face similar problems, but Touma is simply aware of the consequences (being roughed up and ostracised by a certain group of people) while Masumi feels a more generalized and ambiguous fear.

If Masumi were shown to have mixed feelings about her queerness/were shown to be in denial/were shown to be trying to move on from Futaba, then her ending would read more as straightwashing. As it is, there's nothing in her character and arc to say that she'd ever want to erase that part of herself or get rid of it, rather, she wishes she could embrace it but she just doesn't feel confident in doing it. Her ending shows her as an openly bisexual woman who is out to her friends and husband at the very least, which is a completion of her arc in the manga (of learning to trust other people and express her feelings honestly).

Part 4: What context clues does the rest of the series give us?

This is branching off a little from the strict text of Parts 1-3. As I've said, as we know, Blue Flag is 50% subtext and interpretation. Characters speak, but they don't say what they mean, characters think, but they're not always honest with themselves or in tune with reality. Mami is an ominous and antagonistic figure in the first half, but then it just turns out that Taichi was jumping to conclusions. Taichi is the main character and narrator, but we get radio silence from him for like 7 chapters after the climax. Taichi is bisexual, but the reader has to guess that from the way the art style shifts between PoVs, the similar panelling between Futaba and Touma's confessions, the things he does and does not think about Touma and how he feels about them. It's safe to say that there is room for speculation.

First, there is no explicit evidence that Taichi could be bisexual before ch 54. It's easy to tell that he is, but again, there's nothing specific. Some people reading Blue Flag have said that him marrying Touma was out of character, unforeshadowed, bizarre, inexplicable, etc. because their experienced is coloured by their own heterosexuality. Masumi is shown to have dated a guy and in saying she didn't like him "anymore," implied that she did like him. Her conflicted feelings over her bf could well have been foreshadowing her liking men as well, and my reading that as comphet could have just been my own experience colouring the text. Who knows! Taichi's bisexuality was intentional from the start but could be read as a last-minute twist, so why not Masumi's?

Second, Mitsuyuki is Futaba 2.0. Same colouring, same personality. This could feel like a way of saying "Masumi just needs to like guys instead," but to me it reads deeper with some of the trans subtext around Futaba. One of my issues with Blue Flag is that it doesn't go further into Futaba's admiration/envy for masculinity and her uncomfortable relationship with femininity. As a cis woman who wants to be buff and mildly masculine, I can understand why she's a cis girl throughout and I don't necessarily think that she was supposed to be a trans guy. However, her relationship with masculinity draws a parallel to Mitsuyuki. Reading Mitsuyuki as a cis man, he is the combination of Futaba's personality and looks with her 'ideal form.' So, Masumi marrying Mitsuyuki can read as Masumi marring Ascended FutabaTM.

Third, Futaba having a faceless prop husband is interesting in the context of Mitsuyuki getting a name and personality. Mitsuyuki = Futaba and Mr. Kuze is a blank space, so the reader is prompted to reduce the scenario and slot Masumi into that blank space. Given Masumi and Touma's history as foils, I'm inclined to think that Mitsuyuki exists to show the road not taken. Back at the fireworks, Touma tells Masumi that he hasn't given up on Taichi, and Masumi says she doesn't intend to pursue Futaba even though the pining is making her miserable. Given that Futaba reacts a lot better to the idea of Masumi liking her than Taichi reacts to the idea of Touma liking him, given that we see Masumi has successfully wooed male!Futaba, I think that Masumi's ending shows that she could have ended up with Futaba if she chose to pursue her. She didn't and she still got a happy ending where she is confident in her sexuality and unafraid to trust, but she could have also had a happy ending where she married Futaba. Mitsuyuki is a man because desire-for-masculinity is a key aspect of Futaba's character, and Mitsuyuki is a named character with a personality because KAITO wanted the reader to know that Masumi could have ended up with Futaba (as Touma ended up with Taichi).

Fourth, KAITO's notes on volume give us a few hints. He comments that there was remarkably little interference with his story and that he was able to tell it as he wanted, and that the ending was meant to be a "question" to the reader. The way I see it, Masumi's ending wasn't meant to say "maybe you'll be fixed if you get a man" but rather was meant to complement Taichi's ending and say "things happen in ways you might not expect, but that doesn't mean they're bad."

Fifth, Touma/Taichi ending up together shows us that the series is willing and able to show queerness as a good thing and a happy ending, so it's unlikely that Masumi was meant to come off as "actually she just needed a man" and more as "life can be unpredictable but you can always find happiness"

Summary

It's unclear whether Masumi was written as a bisexual woman or a lesbian woman or a questioning wlw

I personally read her as a lesbian and I wish that part of her character had gotten more exploration

Masumi's ending wraps up her arc (struggling to trust other people with her feelings in general and her queerness in particular) in a satisfying and logical way

Masumi being bisexual does not in any way negate or lessen her identity and experienes as a wlw, bisexual people still face external and internalized homophobia and all the associated issues

Masumi's bisexuality may well have been foreshadowed, but the execution makes it easier to read her as a lesbian, which makes her ending seem like a homophobic cop-out in the style of the Hays Code

Masumi's ending doesn't straightwash her and goes to unusual lengths to affirm her attraction to women

Masumi's ending seems to be written to contrast Touma's ending, showing that getting or not getting the love interest depends entirely on whether you choose to pursue them

It's unlikely that authorial intent was to straightwash Masumi

[my-mt-heart]

I am a caryl shipper, however, I do think the ‘it’s not like that’ scene can be interpreted two ways and that it was intentional.

1) Daryl said it’s not like that and he could actually think Connie doesn’t like him back, so they are just friends. They could have had him say “I don’t like her like that” but that would be too final

2) they had the “we’re family” scene an episode before to make Daryl question things

3) they purposely had Daryl sigh and look down when Carol first asks about her, kinda like he’s blushing

4) in that same scene, Carol is also being untruthful to Daryl and hiding things from him

5) also, Daryl having a love interest is meant to be a surprise to the audience. They wouldn’t have him admit how he feels so early; it would ruin canon. Think Richonne.

These are the things that have me unsure and I think they need to be addressed. I’m sure tptb will forget about it anyway.

Yes, anyone can interpret it however they please. But in response to what you just laid out:

1) If we're getting granular about the language, Carol's response could have been way more open than "why not?" For example, "You sure?" Then Daryl's silence would have clued us in that in fact, he's not sure. But the line is what it is because we're not meant to question whether it really is or is not "like that." We're meant to realize there is a specific reason why it's "not like that." It can't be because he has no experience in romance since apparently he does. It can't be that he's just too embarrassed to talk to Carol about it because apparently he already talked to her about Leah. Clearly, Carol suspects the reason is that Daryl is still hung up on Leah but, IMO at least, this contradicts Daryl's attitude all throughout S10 where we see him actively building a future, not dwelling on the past. It's only when he's put back in the environment that housed all of his pain that he stirs up past emotions.

Yes, "It's not like that" is a very common trope that often carries the opposite subtext, but there has to be instances beforehand that clue us into that. Whereas in Daryl's case, a moment in the prior episode actually solidifies it's the truth. Which brings me to...

2) Referring to someone who you're romantically interested in (as opposed to already being in an established relationship with) as family is extremely odd. Connie and Daryl are not established nor do they even have the longevity that Carol and Daryl have to create a husband/wife dynamic. So when Connie says she and Daryl are family (not that they belong to the same family, she pointed to Daryl and herself to indicate she's talking about the two of them), it is because she thinks of their relationship as familial. Daryl's reaction was not one of disappointment, but of uncertainty. He wants to feel like they're family, but she hasn't given him a reason to believe it. She just got done devising a plan to lie to the community in order to protect Kelly and Magna, suggesting that her loyalty is with them. We've seen Daryl work hard to make them feel included like Rick and Hershel would have wanted (he fucking learned sign language), and then they go and alienate themselves, so no wonder he's not feeling so great about the family comment.

3) I didn't see a blush. I saw mild annoyance that Carol was bringing up something that makes him uncomfortable (love life in general, not Connie specifically), and worse, something that she had misinterpreted.

4) Daryl knows Carol's been untruthful with him. He's not using it as an invitation to be just as untruthful. Again, Daryl only lies when he thinks he's protecting her. You could interpret his earlier line "The King sends his best" as an attempt to do just that if he suspects Carol might get hurt by Ezekiel's rejection, or (and I think I swing this way), you can chalk it up to Daryl's usual sarcasm when it comes to Ezekiel.

5) The writing has not been nearly as subtle about the potential (key word) for a romantic relationship between Daryl and Connie because that is the whole point. We're meant to wonder about it, maybe anticipate it, and for some of us, fear it. There are much stronger clues that inform us we will never actually see it happen because it's not what Daryl and Connie actually want. Ever wonder why they stopped having private "shippy" moments after the solidifying "you and me are family" scene? Not because Daryl believes he misread the situation. All of it was only needed to earn the scene where Carol asks him about it. From that point on, anything "shippy" is through Carol's perspective in order to tee up her guilt for getting Connie trapped in the cave, which only had to happen because LR went off to film The Eternals.

Hopefully all of this helps you. If it doesn't, oh well. Not much else I can say. You'll just have to be pleasantly surprised when Caryl happens instead :)