#i keep trying to write this post and explaining it but i keep dissociating and like

[deservedgrace]

i appreciate the curiosity and desire to understand when people ask me what growing up religious/in a cult was like, how religion and religious trauma impacts me, why i'm so against christianity, but i kind of dread those questions now because it's so... impossible to explain it properly. i don't know how to explain to people that don't have that experience that it's everything and it's a million little things.

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #6: BREEZE BLOWS

(also on spotify!)

Welcome back… to Constant Companions Closeups…. a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions…

Last time, we talked about Cadmium Colors! Today, we're keeping the alliteration but moving back a letter in the alphabet! Breeze Blows, with Marcy Nabors and Marlow Jacobs!!

---

oh baby mental health

Last post, I mentioned as an aside that I have OSDD-1b - a kinda complicated diagnosis that is defined by not quite being Dissociative Identity Disorder but being similar enough. And obviously that's super reductive but I'm not an expert on this I just have brain peculiarities. I won't fully explain how this functions, or every intricacy of how I deal with it, but I can try to convey what it feels like.

My sense of self is comprised of parts. Not an exceptionally high number, but nonetheless distinct parts that fit together like puzzle pieces to make a full individual. They talk to and interact with each other, and most times it is one specific part that takes the lead while the others simply follow, but ideally, they all move in sync and work together.

This collaborative effort is relatively new and was an incredibly hard-fought state of being. For many years, it felt much more like there was just me and a bunch of nightmare voices in my head constantly lashing out violently!! My own inner monologue felt completely out of my control... and it ultimately turned out that it kinda was, but not for the reasons I thought.

Showing those voices kindness and starting a conversation was the big moment of revelation for me, that there was this whole other half of me that had been locked in a box for god knows how long. She was scared and lonely and just wanted to be understood, and really, that was all I wanted as well.

Writing these self-directed songs of love and companionship became a really important part of becoming 'whole', in some sense. Not that there are no more individual parts or anything!! Just that my inner monologue these days is far more of a conversation between friends.

...

Constant companions, if you will.

---

As a couple people have pointed out, this song is very much a counterpoint and companion piece to weathergirl, a song by my band FLAVOR FOLEY! Neither song was originally written with the intention of complimenting the other, but the parallels simply emerged naturally, and it only felt right to reinforce them. At 2:14 in Breeze Blows, you can even hear the icy little keys motif from weathergirl front and center!!

On that note, while I would love to make MVs for every song on the album, Breeze Blows is the one song I am dead set on putting out an MV for no matter what... A yellow, very natural aesthetic to contrast with weathergirl... ANRI in a sundress, fluttering in the wind and clutching her hands to her chest...

the fucking yuri...

Of course, this song was a collaboration with some other dear friends of mine, Marcy Nabors and Marlow Jacobs! We've been fastidious friends for freaking forever. Marcy, especially, has been with me through thick and thin - together, we've gone on road trips, worked on Homestuck music, bounced countless ideas off of each other, embarrassed ourselves in front of each other's parents, queued for probably a triple digit number of FFXIV instances, and of course, collaborated on some of my favorite music I've ever released. Not to discredit Marlow or anything!! These two are genuinely some of the coolest people I know, and I love them wholeheartedly. Hopefully we can play some mahjong again sometime so I can kick their asses and feel like I'm even a tenth as cool as them

Our initial ideas for this song came together while we sat at the piano at my parent's house, aimlessly banging out chords together while I left my phone recording on the other side of the room just in case. Ultimately, the voice memo barely sounds anything like Breeze Blows, because the process of translating things to MIDI on Marcy's laptop also introduced a lot of defining creative choices, but it's still at least amusing to hear.

Apologies and/or you're welcome for the shorter post this time around!! Thank you for reading regardless; If you have any more questions, I'd be glad to answer them below!! Tomorrow... we can grow so big.... (aggrandicize)

[littlepikmins]

Hi hi!! What’re some of your Timber hcs? It can be just in general, related to your idea of Bernard having been experimented or ect~! Also, feel free to do SFW or NSFW hcs, too, if you wanna! I just love those boys to pieces 🤧💖💖

I'm not sure where to start I have so many headcanons and different story ideas I like to think about for them.

I've posted a lot of them on here previously as like singular post rambles but I'll try and think of some of the top of my head (sorry if a lot these are mainly about Bernard. He lives in my head rent free)

I headcanon that Tim started dating Bern because he knew he had feelings for him and wanted to explore them more, but he hadn't fallen head over heels yet. Because of this, he falls for Bernard very hard overtime, slowly learning more little things about him and loving him more and more as they get closer.

A headcanon I personally like is that Bernard has naturally curly hair. This is one of the many things Tim discovers about Bernard because, after their first time together, he wakes up and Bernard's hair is messy and not nearly as straight as it usually is. He is fascinated by this and likes to brush his fingers through his hair when it's curly. Bernard explains to him that he wanted to look like his Dad in high school so he started straightening his hair and it just kinda became a habit. Tim tells him he loves his hair no matter the style but he does like that he gets to see his hair curly as well.

Another headcanon is that Bernard still has a complicated relationship with pain and its something Tim and Bern's therapist are trying to help him work on. When Bernard spirals or dissociates he often stress cooks and/or hurts himself unintentionally. He'll dig his nails into his arm hard enough to bleed or bite his finger nails down to the skin, stuff like that. He's even nicked himself with a knife while stress cooking before and Tim had to insist he stop and patch it up for him.

And one more! Tim tends to bottle things up when somethings really bothering him, but Bernard can tell somethings up because Tim doesn't talk to him like he usually does - he responds to questions or hums to show he's listening, but it's like Tim's trying to keep up the appearance that everything's fine. This happens a lot after Tim's nightly Robin work and Bernard has gotten into the habit of leaving a late night meal out for Tim. If he can't stay up late that night he'll also leave a note out for Tim that he makes sure will be extra cheesy for him writing stuff like "Good evening, handsome ;)" and then jotting down one of his silly random thoughts whether it's a fun conspiracy idea or him remembering a joke someone told him that day. In general he enjoys giving Tim little notes if he also packs a lunch for him and stuff. In high school when he was more pushy about wanting attention from his peers, he would leave notes in Tim's locker all the time (later realizing this was because he was very much in love with Tim and wanted his attention most out of everyone)

Tim fondly remembers reading Bears notes in high school and having them to read in his life again helps him feel better when his brain is being too loud as it reminds him of simpler times before so he lost so many people in his life

Also a quick one to add onto that is that Tim can often be overprotective when he's with Bernard. He knows Bear can defend himself in a fight but there are days where Tim's PTSD flares up bad and he's so scared he's going to lose Bernard like he lost Steph for a time and Kon and his Dad, etc.

[autismfox]

Hold Me Tight, Don't Let Me Go

Read on Ao3 the ao3 version is slightly revised

Malevolent, John/Arthur/Noel

Trauma discussion, hurt comfort, dissociation discussion, uhhh masochism, masochism With Nuance, there's still no smut yet hopefully one day I can write that, I have not proofread this because I am too tired my apologies

This is a sequel to Pinch Me I'm Dreaming (which apparently I posted untitled). You can read that here or on AO3

They've been together a few weeks now. It's good. Really good. In a lot of ways it's the best relationship he's ever been part of. Noel grins at the irony that his life's most stable relationship is with another guy who's half as fucked in the head as he is, and the doppelganger of the guy that fucked them both up. 'Course Arthur's had his head fucked up by a bunch of other shit too, and so has John, so maybe they're all about even as far as being part time madmen goes.

Talking to them helps. Noel wasn't so big on the idea at first. He'd tried talking to doctors way back when he was first trying to get his head on straight. They didn't help much. He could only talk to them about the war. And they'd said he was doing pretty well compared to the other shell shock cases they'd seen so they sent him away with a few coping techniques and left him to fend for himself. And he had.

He got a job, an apartment, and an unofficially reserved seat at Sal's, where the food is decent, the moonshine is potable, and nobody cares who you go home with. He'd become "a productive member of society". He was doing fine. Then Arthur Lester walked into his life and introduced him to the voice in his head and they taught him that he can aim for a higher bar than just being "fine".

Arthur is always asking how he's doing. He always wants to talk things out, turn things over and over until he has a full picture of everything. Frankly it's annoying how obsessive the kid gets about everybody's feelings. Like he's some kind of emotions inspector. But with the way John doesn't understand his own feelings half the time it makes sense that Arthur got like that.

He's big on honesty too. It sticks in Arthur's craw if Noel says nothing is wrong when something is. Noel's never met anybody who hated even the little white lies. One time he'd told Arthur he liked the coffee he'd made and John must have ratted on him when he pulled a face at the bitter taste because Arthur looked like somebody kicked his puppy. So it's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. It ain't easy living like that though. It takes discipline to be so open all the time.

There's been something on his mind for a while now and he needs to get it out before Arthur catches on that he's keeping secrets. So he invites them to his apartment and tells them to sit down. He's nervous. He already smoked half a pack of cigarettes waiting for them to show up. He'd tried to sit too but he couldn't settle so he's pacing back and forth.

"Noel, would you please just tell us what's going on? I promise I won't--"

"John's been hurting me." He blurts out. Fuck. That was not the right way to say this.

"What! When?! John how could you?" Shit, this is bad. John must be talking because Arthur is seething quietly. Fuck. He didn't mean to make them argue.

"Ah! Wait wait! I didn't mean. It's not what you think just stop... Just let me explain." He throws up his hands in what he hopes is a placating gesture.

Arthur grits his teeth. "Explain, now." John gestures rapidly for him to continue.

Noel wishes he could have talked about this with John before bringing it up to Arthur. They probably could have figured out a better way to broach the subject. "It's not, bad. The way he does it. It's, you know how sometimes I get those daydreams?" Arthur nods. "Right well, when that happens John will pinch me, or scratch me, step on my foot, hurt me in some small way and it's... Nice? I like it. It makes me feel... Present. And I was thinkin' maybe we could try doing that when I'm more... awake?"

"Is this a sex thing?" John looks directly at him and Arthur narrows their eyes. He shivers. It's intense when they sync up like that. Like holding a mirror to a mirror the visage refracted infinitely back on itself except all of the attention is focused on Noel.

Noel feels trapped. Pinned in place. Held fast by this being sitting in front of him that is simultaneously awe inspiring cosmic entity and Earth's most primal human. An instinctual part of him wants to run away but there's nowhere that he'd rather be. It's nothing like being in the presence of The King. They are something entirely their own. He vaguely recalls the soulmate myth of people being created with two heads and eight limbs. The gods feared them and split them in two, doomed to search for their other half. The gods would be right to fear Arthur and John.

John snaps his fingers and waves his hand at Noel. "Noel," Arthur's voice is soft, "are you with us?" John pats the couch emphatically. "John says sit next to me."

Noel blinks away the reverie, "I'm here, sorry fellas." He scratches at the back of his head. "I got lost in your eyes."

Arthur giggles. He sounds like an angel. "Is that a yes then?"

"Huh? Yes to what?" John starts making grasping gestures at Noel. Ain't he the sweetest thing? He sits down next to them and John takes his hand. He gives it a squeeze.

Arthur turns so John can look at him. "Liking pain, is it sexual?"

Noel thinks for a moment, "Um, I don't think so. Not exactly. I don't like pain. Not the way John does anyway."

John pulls his hand away, scandalized. Arthur chuckles, "I think he's talking about how much you like being bitten, John."

"Sorry John, was that supposed to be a secret or something?" He flashes him a grin. "No I think this is more like Arthur's thing about being in control all the time. It's not about sex but it's not entirely separate."

"Beg pardon? I do not have a thing for being in control." It's his turn to act scandalized apparently.

"Woah doll, I ain't complaining. We all have our quirks. If I had a problem with getting bossed around I would have said something by now." Arthur's glare is mitigated by John looking at the bite marks on his hand and wrist. "I call 'em like I see 'em. And I've seen you in public when you get someone to do what you want 'em to. You take joy in it."

Arthur seems hesitant to accept this. "What no I... He was going to kill my father, John!"

"Oh my God, is he talking about that time you called the Butcher a "good dog" and kept talking about his daddy?" Arthur makes a noncommittal sound. "'Cause I gotta be honest with ya, darlin', I think about that night more than I'd like to admit. It was an awful situation obviously, that's why I've never brought it up, but the way you handled it, well it was pretty hot." Arthur's blushing a little. He's very cute. "Maybe the specifics weren't quite my thing but the way you picked him apart and got him under your thumb?" Noel can't resist speaking closer to his ear. "It sure got my blood pumping."

"Right!" Arthur slaps his own knee. "I believe we were talking about you."

Noel chuckles, "Fair enough."

"So if it's not about sex what is it about?" Arthur asks.

Noel sighs, this is going to be tough. He holds his hand out, "John?" John takes his hand and he feels safe enough to continue. "I think it's about my body. It felt like I didn't have one for almost ten years. Not a real flesh and blood one. I know it was different for you, because those cultists did some freaky shit to you, and you crossed over physically, but for me it was just my mind." He pauses to make sure Arthur is ok. He seems fine. No overly distressed body language. John squeezes his hand. He squeezes back. "He said he didn't need my body. Bodies are just cumbersome meat sacks with no inherent value. It wouldn't be worth the trouble of keeping me fed, and watered, and dealing with all my mortal functions. I didn't need a body for him to hurt me. Mostly he played mind games. Sometimes there was pain, but it never came from my body, it was like phantom pain. Or a pain with no apparent source. There was no hunger, or thirst, I didn't sleep because I was already asleep. In a coma actually. People on earth took care of my body while I was gone." Noel sighs heavily. The hard part's over. "When I got back I felt... Disconnected. Like me and my body were two separate things. Worse, I felt trapped inside of my own body. There wasn't much I could do from the hospital besides read and reminisce and imagine myself elsewhere. Rehab was a bitch. I had to learn to walk again y'know? Get all the nerves rewired. It was hard. Grueling. But it got easier. Every day it got a little easier. Eventually I could walk, run, climb... fuck, I had a lot of sex once I was able to. I still can't ride a bike, but I couldn't do that before either. Heh. At some point I was me again. Or I was Noel anyway. I was a person." He flexes his hand in front of his face like he's testing the sensation. "I'm here. I'm alive. I'm real. I'm really here. I still can't believe it sometimes. I guess that's the problem. I start having doubts, or I start feeling disconnected. I don't really know why it happens. It's like shell shock I guess. Buddies of mine had similar issues after the war. It's like: I know my body there, and I know I'm part of it, but it's a little out of focus. My mind is a little bit separate. A little to the left. But it helps," he squeezes John's hand, "when I can feel something." John squeezes back. "Touch is good. Really good. Especially skin to skin. I paid a hooker once just to lie on top of me for an hour. Pain is good too, better sometimes, it really cuts through the fog. It reminds me that I'm part of my body and it's part of me. If I can feel my body it must be here and I must be here too or I wouldn't feel it." Noel is finished. He thinks. He covered everything. He hopes. And without fucking off to la-la land even once. Score. He feels exhausted. He sinks back against the couch.

He can't tell if Arthur and John are talking to each other or just being quiet. Finally Arthur says, "Thank you for telling us all of that, Noel. It means a lot that you'd trust us enough to talk about this. John says: I'm glad I can help you Noel. I care about you so much. I'm happy you're in our lives... I feel the same way."

Noel kisses John on the back of the hand, "happy to be here with you, angel." He pulls them forward until he can reach Arthur's face, he kisses him softly, "And with you darling."

Arthur pulls back. "There's just one thing though." Noel groans. "I'm still not sure what you actually want us to do together."

"Fuck." He opens his eyes to stare at Arthur and John. "I don't know either. I didn't think I'd get this far. I'm so tired." He really is. He could fall asleep right here.

"Ok, well maybe you should take a nap? We can figure the rest out later." Bless Arthur Lester. "Oh that's a good idea. John asks if you want us to lie on top of you while you sleep." Bless John Doe.

"God yes. That sounds perfect." They arrange themselves so Noel can lie on his back with Arthur's head on his chest and John's hand on his shoulder. Arthur's breathing is slow and even. John strokes at his shoulder gently. Noel settles into a deep and dreamless sleep.

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

(i kept forgetting to make this post for a while and only remembered when i was reading @antispopausandstuff 's recent post; sorry for the tag!)

i have to say this: catra having a mental breakdown basically every single season was pathetic.

usually villains have a third-act breakdown where they realize that they're losing to the heroes or they're losing control over their own allies, and they spiral into anger and desperation.

azula's spiralling in s3 of atla is a clear example of this, as she goes from the level-headed, cunning prodigy to a child who has lost everyone in her life and is desperately trying to use fear to keep people around. it's tragic because yes, she's a horrible person who enjoys torturing people and seeing them in pain, but she's also a 13 year old who was groomed into the perfect soldier by her father.

not all third-act breakdowns are like this though. sometimes instead of feeling bad for the villain, we feel satisfied seeing their downfall, because they weren't a sympathetic character in the slightest and they deserved to have that realization right before getting their ass whooped.

with catra, i get neither of these. i guess i felt a little bad for her the first time and i felt satisfied the second time, but then it just got boring.

there was no need for her to have a meltdown in every single season, only for the writers to use it as an excuse to make catra do even worse shit and hurt more people.

not to mention, her mental state wasn't consistent enough during these breakdowns. let me explain. let's take the s3 one, for instance.

catra is clearly rattled by the knowledge that shadow weaver picked adora over her (which.. wow who would have thought. but whatever). she is dissociating as she walks back to scorpia, there are tears in her eyes, she's devastated.

but then, as soon as catra reaches the horde with adora as her prisoner, she seems perfectly fine. she's calm and smirking proudly as she throws a bound adora to the floor.

and then when entrapta tries to oppose catra's attempts at opening the portal, oh no! catra is not mentally well again and she electrocutes entrapta. and she threatens to do the same to scorpia.

and then she goes right back to being calm and tells hordak that entrapta betrayed him (i'm sorry i don't care how good at lying someone is, i doubt they can deliver such a convincing lie when they are in a poor mental state) and mocks him for trusting entrapta.

and then throughout the portal sequence, catra is oddly calm. not just during the false reality, when she was pretending that everything was normal, but even after that when she starts sadistically torturing adora.

this doesn't seem like a character who finally snapped and is doing horrible things in a desperate attempt to regain control. it reads as a character who always wanted to do horrible things and finally got the chance to do it.

i can't view catra's breakdown in s3 as sympathetic because her actions seemed so intentional. the writers didn't even try to make it look like catra was going through some serious mental health issues and was only making such a dangerous choice because of that.

coming back to my original point, repeating a trope (especially a one-time trope like this) quickly gets stale. and it's even funnier when you think about the fact that catra basically had a dedicated mental breakdown every season and still didn't learn her lesson.

you stop feeling sorry for her and start rolling your eyes, wondering what atrocities she's going to commit this time. it's just the same thing over and over again, and it's funny that the writers used this as a way to keep reminding viewers that catra is a poor traumatized baby who definitely didn't make the choices that led to all this.

it's just bad writing. sure, in real life, people may have multiple breakdowns if they going through some shit. i can certainly attest. but it just doesn't work from a story point of view, especially when the writers refuse to hold catra accountable for your actions. mental health issues or not, you are responsible for your actions and you should work on changing your unhealthy coping mechanisms.

[cupsofcoffeestains]

shifting vent/potential motivation??

hey gang-

tw: minor mention of dissociation

so ive been making some positive developments in my shifting journey, and I hate to say it, but things really are starting to "click"

I always hate seeing those videos/posts from experienced shifters being like "i cant explain my mindset change, it just started to click" but now im eating my hatred and realizing what these people were talking about.

unfortunately, i do not have the words to fully explain what i mean but dw im gonna try.

For me, mindset shifts and my shifting journey advancing has kind of been like growing up, or maturing. You know how you see all those videos on tt saying "me when i wake up on a random tuesday and realize my frontal lobes are developing" etc. that (for me, at least) has kinda been similar to my shifting journey.

What this has looked like for me, as someone who has been trying to successfully make it to my dr since 2020, was being less angry with myself, with the universe, with others in the shifting community for my not shifting. It has come with time. Again, it has come with so so much time spent growing as a person, growing spiritually, and growing as a shifter. Taking breaks, learning to appreciate my reality (i know this is a privilege, to actually enjoy my life in my home reality/my cr) but learning to appreciate what is good even amongst all the bad that is and could be happening. As someone who struggled in the beginning of my journey, actively disassociating and basically working against what my body and mind actually needed.

Shifting can look different for everyone, and thats why ive decided to post about my mindset a little more. Sometimes its hard for me to find people who have spent so much time shifting and are still optimistic about their journey, so i guess this is me putting in my little shiftblr application to be that person for anyone who this might benefit.

also, just a last little note, for those of you who do not have anyone to talk to about shifting, who aren't making shifting friends online or in person, writing out about your journey on a blog like this can be so helpful. For me, I am a solo shifter (through circumstance and just the fact that I cant upkeep friendships online, only moots), and writing on this blog has helped me feel like people are hearing me (even if no one interacts with this). Just knowing my thoughts are somewhere other than my head and my private journal has made me feel less alone in my journey, and i highly encourage that if this resonated with you to try blogging. keep it anonymous if you're nervous! pretty sure none of my profile is accurate to who i am irl, and that has really helped me let stuff out about shifting.

anyways, i hope this post was helpful! much love to all my shifters, especially those of us who have been here for what feels like forever <3

[anomalymon]

Addressing Anti-Endogenics in the Alterhuman Community

I keep seeing posts about being baffled by anti-endogenic alterhumans, but I haven't actually seen too many posts which address why being an anti-endogenic alterhuman doesn't make sense. Nor have I seen many which don't talk down to anti-endogenics or intentionally piss them off, which I think is counter-productive in this. I'm on an essay writing kick so I might as well.

This isn't to try to prove endogenic systems. There are already many who have done this. I'd recommend looking through Endogenic & Non-Traumagenic Plurality Resources by Guardians System. I don't agree with the use of sysmed, but for a link collection, it's very effective. Rather, this is to explain why there is an overlap and why some are concerned.

Because I feel this essay is important, I will be making a bulleted list first, and you can read further if you want the elaboration. I understand not everyone wants to read an over 1,500 word essay.

What is endogenic?: Endogenic for systems means being a system for a reason other than trauma - endogenic systems can still have trauma and dissociation, and the belief of cause can be literally anything including neurological, spirituality, or intentional creation. Many subcultures, some unrelated, exist under it.

System/Otherkin Historical Overlap: Plurality and kin have overlapped for over twenty years. Otherkin was used to mean nonhumans in systems, and fictive came from soulbonding which was/is a very fictionkin-dominant space.

Terminology: System is not DID only and has been used predominantly by endogenic systems since the early 90s. Most plural groups have historically shared terminology and the gatekeeping of such is very recent. This is concerningly close to paralleling what we're seeing with therianthropy gatekeeping.

Subjective Experiences: Trying to explain your subjective experiences to anti-endogenics and anti-kin are alike in being difficult and people not always being receptive to actual studies or arguments.

Similar Spirituality: Spiritual endogenic system origins are very similar to many spiritual alterhuman origins with the difference being level of separation and indiviudality between host/'type or different 'types.

Similar Experiences in Psych: Both alterhumans and endogenic systems have gaps in research and similarities with how we experience degradation from a psychological standpoint or being "insane". What is an endogenic system? This may be the most important thing to get out of the way - as I've noticed many people who are anti-endogenic don't actually know what endogenic means.

Endogenic just means a system that formed for a reason other than trauma. It doesn't say anything about having no trauma at all nor anything about dissociative experiences, and it can be anything from neurological, spiritual, intentionally created, or seemingly random odds. There are several subcultures under this umbrella - including some that don't even use endogenic or origin terminology, or ones that don't use system terminology.

Endogenic systems can have trauma later in life, they can also still have dissociative disorders from that trauma. Endogenic systems can still be diagnosed with DID.

It is a poor binary - but the reason it exists is most conversations surrounding systems have to do with trauma. Origin doesn't always matter when it comes to systems and that is a separate topic, however, it surrounds validation discussion and discourse.

The otherkin and plural communities have overlaped for over twenty years

For a long time there has been a huge overlap between otherkin and fictionkin with plurality in particular - at least for as long as both groups have been making websites and likely longer.

To highlight this the best, the overlap was to the point that "otherkin" was used for nonhuman system members in the past. Dark Personalities circa 2001 defined otherkin as "People in a multiple system who are not human. Often they are walk-ins, claiming to be older than the body in which they reside, and having physical traits very different from the body itself. Multiples are often hosts to otherkin." Source, Kinhost had an otherkin multiple FAQ since 2001 Source, and it even appeared in a list of DID terminology in 2013 Source.

On top of that, the term "fictive" originated within fictionkin-dominant soulbonding spaces. I'd recommend A Timeline of the Fictionkin Community by House of Chimeras for further reading on this.

The overlap exists in many ways in addition to what we have historically. What we deal with when it comes to certain types of discourse is simular, dealing with people against our subjective experiences has the same level of frustration, we have very similar spiritual beliefs in particular, and there are similarities with what we go through in the field of psychology.

Terminology out of the way: "but system is DID only!"

The simple answer is that it's not. I'd highly recommend reading A Brief History of the Use of "System" in Non-DID Spaces by LB-Lee on this subject, as they have been around for longer than my system has and this is a well-researched article. "System" is just a noun for a group of entities that exist in a body.

Terminology has historically been shared between both groups as they're needed. Fictive and headmate for example originated from endogenic groups while "host" seemingly cropped up multiple times independently - and terms like switching and fronting are needed because there isn't a better alternative. This didn't become an "issue" until about 2015 or so.

From a sociological standpoint however, something very similar has almost happened to the therianthropy and otherkin communities and arguably there is a similar problem already happening. There are those who claim that therian and otherkin are spiritual only and completely exclude and gatekeep psychological experiences - or cry someone with clinical lycanthropy using terms like shifting is appropriation. While they can normally be disproved, there are those who double down that this is spiritual-only. These communities are even developing their own binary - spiritual vs. psychological.

While this is a bit of a reverse to what happened with the plural community, that is a note of why these beliefs can be concerning within the alterhuman community. We are getting a bit too close for comfort to restricting and gatekeeping terminology based on a binary, and also teeter on the edge of expecting "proof" of an experience that's very hard to prove.

The nightmare of trying to explain your subjective experiences

As this is an essay for the alterhuman community, I am sure most of you reading this have encountered the scenario of trying to explain your subjective experience to some anti-kin or other group that is not having it. You can try to discuss your nonhuman experiences, cite historical and academic sources, insist with everything you have that what you're experiencing is real, but if someone is set in not believing you, it's ultimately a waste of time. The same thing applies here.

I could give you a long, detailed explanation about why we know we are a system. Many other systems would also be able to do the same thing - and many have tried. Ultimately it's up to you if you want to believe someone's subjective experiences or not - and if you don't believe it, it's up to you if you want to respect them or not.

To also claim that one is appropriating experiences is ridiculous. Are therianthropes appropriating from those with clinical lycanthropy, fictionkin appropriating from delusional misidentification, or otherlinkers appropriating from copinglinkers? There is a broad overlap and some shared terminology for convince over what can be subjectively a very similar experience - and you can't claim with certainty or in good faith that someone's experiences in and of themself are appropriating someone else.

Spiritually, you're likely very close to believing in endogenic systems

While not every otherkin, therian, or other identity inherently believes in spirituality, there is usually some coexistence or respect for others with beliefs different from you as spirituality can be a large element of the community. Most of these spiritual beliefs are already close to how spiritual endogenic systems might experience things.

Almost the exact same mechanisms which create spiritual alterhumanity is the same for spiritual systems. Various terms are already shared between spiritual alterhuman and spiritual system communities (and even non-spiritual system communities): walk-in for spiritual events and source vs. canon for fiction-based identities for example.

Additionally, several experiences are shared between these two groups. Existing in the astral plane or having experiences travelling through the astral for one. Communicating with spirits can also be a part of both - and that's where communities like soulbonding existed in tandum with fictionkin and even created the term fictive itself.

If someone believes in reincarnation and they can talk to and interact with their past selves - that is plural and can be considered an endogenic system. Same for if someone feels that their body at birth gave host to multiple souls. The difference between these experiences and polykin beliefs is just degree of individuality.

In the field of psychology, we are allies

Much of alterhumanity is arguably even less recognized by psychology. There are studies which showcase them of course, but there are also studies which showcase endogenic systems. Neither has many studies for similar reasons - we don't usually have a clinical need for help, and if we do, it can be extremely difficult to get it.

The potential for psych abuse or degradation in psychological settings exists for both of us - with how ridiculous it is to have abnormal other than human experiences, or how insane it is to be a system without fitting the DID model. The otherkin and therian communities in particular have a known saying along the lines of "If someone outside the community asks you for an interview: run" and it can be the same for endogenic systems.

Accusing others of faking their experiences only does harm to all of us. Giving our oppressors and ableists - in the sense of those who mock or degrade experiences for deeming them "insane" - an excuse to do so means they will take it and will use it to turn against others. If someone doesn't believe someone for something like being more than one entity in a physical body for any reason other than trauma, why should they believe you for identifying as nonhuman?

Conclusion

The endogenic and alterhuman communities are intertwined and respect of alterhumanity is in most of the steps the way to respecting all systems. The purpose of this essay is to get anti-endogenic alterhumans to reflect on their beliefs, and I hope that this was successful in doing that.

Others have made essays trying to argue for proof of their existence, and the sources are out there. I'd still implore you to get to know endogenic systems and remember that we are people and not just a discourse topic. Reflecting on our similarities in discourse, spirituality, ableism can help us move forward as communities.

[iamumbra195]

random bleach time travel inccorect quotes from an AU I will probably never write (Ichigo becomes soul king post tybw cause yhwach body doesn’t hold up and then time travels to the Turn back the pendulm era for reasons I’m too lazy to explain)

Ichigo joined Squad 6 under Ginrei Kuchiki in this AU

...

Ichigo: *likes sitting in the sun, hates the rain, touch starved but still prickly enough to pretend he doesn’t like it ‘cause he was soul king for three years and barely had any proper human contact for all that time, has weird eyes and other weird traits from his hollow*

Hiyori + Kaien: *spying on him*

Ichigo: *straight hissed at someone who got to close when he was injured*

Hiyori: *ticks something else off on the list of reasons why Ichigo might be a cat in human form*

Yoruichi, the real cat shapeshifter:

...

Love: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Ichigo: Plane tickets?

Shinji: Concert tickets?

Lisa: Prostitution?

Love, holding holding his broken sunglasses: Glasses.

...

Hollowified!Shinji: *Screams*

Hollowified!Hiyori: *Screams louder to assert dominance*

Kisuke, concerned: Should we do something?!

Ichigo, observing: *thinking back to his hollow training and how much the Visored fucked with him for fun*

Ichigo: Nah, I want to see who wins this.

...

Kensei: Dammit, Mashiro!

Mashiro: What?! It wasn’t me!

Kensei: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Shinji!

Shinji: Not me either.

Kensei: Oh...Then who destroyed the entire training ground?

Ichigo + Kaien who thought it would be fun to spar but went a little too far: 

...

Ichigo: *Gently taps table*

Kaien: *Taps back*

Hiyori: What are they doing?

Kisuke: Morse code.

Ichigo: *Aggressively taps table*

Kaien: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

...

*Lieutenants on a mission*

Kaien: I think we're missing something.

Lisa: Teamwork?

Hiyori: Cohesion?

Ichigo: A general sense of what the fuck we’re doing?

Kaien: ... Where’s Mashiro?

Mashiro: *fighting a bear in a forest three districts away*

Lisa:

Hiyori:

Ichigo: ... Fuck

Kensei: *in Squad 9 barracks* I  S E N S E  A  D I S T U R B A N C E

...

Shinji: Tonight, one of you has betrayed us.

Kisuke: Is it me?

Shinji: No, it’s not you.

Tessai: Is it me?

Shinji: It’s not you either.

Aizen: Is it me, Captain?

Shinji, dying because of Hollowification:

Shinji, mockingly: Is IT mE CaPTaIN?

...

Kyouraku: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Kisuke: I’ve been dissociating for the past two and a half hours.

Ukitake: I got distracted about halfway through.

Lisa: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

...

Ichigo: Can I be frank with you guys?

Kaien: *confused* Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Mashiro: Can I still be Mashiro?

Shinji: Shh, let Frank speak.

Ichigo: 

Ichigo: *lunges at Shinji*

...

Ichigo: *trying not to laugh* Tell Kensei about the birds and the bees.

Mashiro: *serious* They're disappearing at an alarming rate

...

Yoruichi: Soifon, keep an eye on Kisuke today. He’s going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Soifon: Sure, I’d love to see Urahara get punched.

Yoruichi: Try again.

Soifon, sighing: I will stop Urahara from getting punched

...

*The Visored+ Hollowified!Kaien is getting into a car*

Ichigo: *the only one who know how to drive* I’m driving

Mashiro, out of view: Shotgun!

Kaien, turning to face Mashiro: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except Mashiro: WOAH-

Mashiro, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

...

Lisa: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Hiyori: *turning to Shinji* How tall are you?

...

Kaien: 

Ichigo:

Kaien: In my defense--

Ichigo: You have no defense you let Byakuya meet Gin

Kaien: but--

Ichigo: Byakuya. The same cocky shit that tries to fight anything that moves fast enough. And Gin. The creepy shit that thought it was a good idea to work with megalomaniac rather than talk to people

Kaien: You don’t have any room to talk about bad communication but in hindsight it wasn’t my greatest idea--

Ichigo: understatement of the century

Kaien: But I was bored and you have to admit it was a little funny

Ichigo: 

Ichigo: *covering his face because the sight of baby Byakuya getting punted into the Kuchiki Koi pond by baby Gin was actually hilarious but he refuses to admit it* I hate you

...

Kensei: I sometimes drink milk straight out of the container

Mashiro: the COW?

Kensei:

...

Kisuke: You have to apologize to Shinji

Hiyori: Fine.

Hiyori: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

...

Kaien: I told Ichigo his ears turn red when he lies

Mashiro: Why?

Kaien: So I can do this

Kaien: Hey, Ichigo! Do you love us?

Ichigo, covering his ears: No.

Mashiro: Aw, Berry-tan

Ichigo: Shut up, seaweed brain!

...

*Shinji and Kisuke sitting in jail together*

Shinji: So who should we call?

Kisuke: I’d call Hiyori, but I feel safer in jail

...

Shinji: Hey, how old are you?

Ichigo: Twenty-four--

Ichigo *remembers that the soul society doesn’t have the same age system*

Ichigo: two hundered

Shinji: 

Shinji, concerned: did you just say--

Ichigo, nervously: TWO HUNDRED

...

Shinji: What do you think Ichigo will do for a distraction?

Kaien: He’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*several building explode due to Getsuga Tensho*

Kaien: ... or he could do that.

...

Kisuke: I know you’re a time traveler, Kurosaki-san

Ichigo: (Play dumb!)

Ichigo: Who's Kurosaki?

Ichigo: (NOT THAT DUMB!!!)

...

Love: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Kensei: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Mashiro: Smad

Kaien: Ichigo

Ichigo:...

...

Shinji: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Kensei: You’re a hazard to society

Hiyori: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

...

Ichigo, babysitting: Violence isn't the answer.

Byakuya: You’re right.

Ichigo: *sighs in relief*

Byakuya, reaching for a brick: Violence is the question.

Ichigo: What?

Byakuya, running to hit Gin on the head with a brick: And the answer is yes.

Ichigo, running after him: NO-

Ginrei, watching the chaos while drinking tea: ... Today’s a beautiful day

...

Kisuke: *Accidentally hits Hiyori in the face*

Kisuke: *Trying to decide between saying 'I’m fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*

Kisuke: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!

Hiyori, confused: What’s wrong with you?!

Shinji: *wheezing in the background*

...

Ichigo: Can you please be serious for five minutes?

Mashiro: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

...

Kaien: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Mashiro: They do.

Ichigo: ... Why did you say that with such certainty?

...

Shinji: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

...

Kisuke: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

...

Kaien: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Ichigo: Killed without hesitation.

Kaien: No.

...

Kisuke: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Ichigo: What did you do?

Kisuke: Nobody died.

Ichigo: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

...

Kaien, euphoric from his date with Miyako: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.

Kukaku: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.

...

Aizen, trying to be friends with Ichigo b4 he died: I made tea.

Ichigo: I don’t want tea.

Aizen: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Ichigo: Then why are you telling me?

Aizen: It is a conversation starter.

Ichigo: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Aizen: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

Ichigo:

Ichigo: *two seconds away from a homicide

...

Mashiro: what is it called when you kill your friend

Ichigo: Amicicide

Kensei: Murder

Mashiro: Homiecide

...

Ichigo: *looks like Kaien and Isshin*

Kaien: *suspicious but has no proof*

Ichigo, lying becuase he doesn’t want to deal with the emotions that come with seeing Isshin again: I’m not a Shiba

Ichigo: *uses Getsuga Tensho*

Kaien, throwing a table: oKAY, I CALL BULLSHIT

...

Ichigo: *having a chill day in Rukongai by himslef

baby Rukia, Renji, and their gang: *chased by a merchant they stole from*

Ichigo: 

Ichigo: *adopts them*

...

Okay, that’s more than enough for one post

Yes, Kaien is hollowfied here because I want him to be, yes, I really like adding animalistic traits to characters I love don’t ask me why

This is so much longer than I planned but it was too fun to stop

[mistermalaprop]

You know my crossbee loving ass wants to know how your Crosshairs is with the Bee Team! What is his reaction towards them at the start when Bee calls the shots and how dies he react to the RID15 Drift?

You have no idea how shocked I was to see this in my inbox.. Stranded AU on a random Thursday...

So, this actually has a couple answers!! I have a few drabbles and a full oneshot for Crosshairs' interactions with Team Bee. I did a collection of sketches where Bumblebee and Crosshairs met (and how Crosshairs joined the team). I'll post the writings separately, but i'm not sure about the drawings.

Crosshairs with Team Bee + What is his reaction towards them at the start when Bee calls the shots? -> Crosshairs... uh... well he's pissed. Annoyed. Snarky. Projecting...

That's how he shows himself, anyway. He's exhausted. He's just watched all his friends and comrades die and gets respawned in a world where they're all (he thinks) alive and... too friendly. Too kiddy. Too close to humans again...

Crosshairs acts like he hates them all, trying to keep them at arm's length. Especially Bumblebee and the humans.

Crosshairs keeps his cool with Strongarm because she's the Strongarm, there is no one else to compare her to. He hates enforcers and stays away from her when possible. He finds her and Sideswipe childish, though.

Sideswipe-- ah, the little shit. Crosshairs is more like a reluctant mentor to him. Whips him into shape, teaches him how to use his weapons more efficiently, and even races with Sideswipe to keep him supervised (yet also getting his feelings/thoughts out). Crosshairs didn't know much of his (bay) Sideswipe, so he can keep both versions separated. Crosshairs tries his best, but he can get a bit tilted because the little shit reminds him of himself at times.

The only member of Team Bee he doesn't outwardly hate is-- surprisingly-- Fixit! And Grimlock, technically. He treats them both alright enough and listens to Fixit the most because he deems Fixit as the group's real commander (due to his medic status).

Grimlock is dumb and Crosshairs can respect it at times. He mainly likes using him as bait though, surrendering Grimlock to Bumblebee (one green mech or another green mech) so he can stay behind and sunbathe (dissociate alone).

But... Bumblebee? Crosshairs... backtalks Bumblebee often. He doesn't consider Bumblebee a Bumblebee. Crosshairs refers to those who have the same names as his friends back in his world as "other." So, basically, the Crosshairs and Bumblebee dynamic hasn't changed—all that's different is that Bumblebee has a voice and is actually higher on the chain of command.

Crosshairs will straight-up ignore commands if he deems them stupid-- what's Bee gonna do? Crosshairs has already died.

(Team Bee doesn't know that-- they don't know a lot about him at first)

How does he react to the RID15 Drift? -> ... not great. He's sad and fucking angry because he doesn't know how to handle himself. He looks at Drift and all he feels is guilt. Which doesn't make the life debt Drift has for Crosshairs any better-- because he's forced to be with this...

this...

...he's not an imposter, Crosshairs knows that, but fuck does he want to believe it.

uh, anyway--

I did write that episode where Drift first showed up with Crosshairs in it-- so, uh, I'll tag you in that to further explain their meeting! I remember writing it and being so proud of it.

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to talk about this-- I'm so happy :,)

[dreamingofeos]

as 1 of ur followers and mutuals the way u depict shadows alters / system makes me uncomfortable as a system myself. it enforces the idea of an evil alter and its a very harmful stereotype

Hey anon! Sorry for not answering quicker; for some reason, I'm not typically notified when asks come through on this blog. Thanks for reaching out and offering your thoughts, though! It always helps to know what my followers are thinking.

To start off, I deeply apologize for making you uncomfortable! My intentions were never to demonize or stereotype dissociative disorders! I try to be loud and unapologetic about my stance of supporting those with it, but I understand how that may come off as virtue signaling when things are done poorly.

I'll explain my intention behind Shadow and his system's role in all of this, but that doesn't negate the fact that you were made uncomfortable. I strive to portray dissociative disorders and other illnesses as respectfully as possible, but I recognize that even with the extensive research I do on the topic I can sometimes still get things wrong. For example, I made a post talking about Shadow some months back, but I was actually not aware that the core theory was disproved! I know better now and plan to go back to fix that misinformation when the chance arises.

On the topic of the snippet I wrote, I wanna clarify straight-up: Sonic is in the wrong here! Yes, he's been suffering and had a reasonably emotional reaction to finding out about Shadow's involvement in Robotnik's plan, but what he refused to acknowledge is that the system was manipulated. Amnesia barriers as well as Robotnik's lies are two big reasons why they ultimately complied; they are victims too, just as much as Chronos and Sonic! His actions were meant to display a deteriorating emotional and mental state in comparison to how a "normal" Sonic would behave due to the stress, grief and guilt that have built up during the last few years. Lashing out at other victims is a very common response to trauma, but that doesn't make it correct. Shadow was never meant to be portrayed as "an evil alter" just as much as Sonic is not meant to be a bad guy here. He's collateral, unfortunately, and just wasn't given the chance to explain himself within the duration of the post.

I was deeply worried about your comment and ended up speaking to several friends of mine who have been transparent with me about their experiences with dissociative disorders, as well as a friend of mine who was a psychology student, and none of them found anything particularly uncomfortable about it, other than maybe Sonic's aggression, which I do acknowledge I may have gone a bit overboard with towards Shadow. So I apologize for that as well! Please try to keep in mind that this is the first time, ever, that I have written both for Shadow as a character, as well as written a character portrayed with alters, so my work with him is going to be shaky at best to start with. I'm absolutely not writing your feelings off, though, because as someone with a system, those opinions are very important towards the way the disorder is portrayed!

I also recognize that my writing can often be vague and leave questions unanswered, which is a bad habit of mine, so I'm not blaming you at all for misinterpreting that and feeling uncomfortable by the contents of the post. Genuinely, I hope this clears up my intentions, and I absolutely invite you to come speak to me if any issues still remain! Please don't feel scared or ashamed to reach out, I'm here to listen!

[ecos-syscourse]

oh my god the sheer chaos of this thread is sending me, y’all are so lost in the sauce you’re literally arguing with ghosts now. "who's tables are you turning" "anon who are you talking to" BABE I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE. this is like watching two goldfish in separate bowls yelling at each other through the glass. callout posts? therapy? pinned posts? sweetie, the cognitive dissonance is palpable, you’re out here playing 4D chess with your own point while everyone else is just trying to figure out which of your three dissociating headmates typed this. "everyone deserves recovery" cool story, still doesn’t explain why you’re malding over an anon like they just kicked your emotional support fidget spinner. maybe you should read the anti-harassment policy, starting with the mirror.

epic insult 10/10

answer is: we got bored. answered the ask. thought it was funny, confusing, and slightly annoying.

few notes:

- responding to an ask insulting us for a post we made months ago criticizing call-out posts is not harassment. if they are going to search our blog and be angry about a posts, they can read the pinned first.

- do you need tone tags for the post? I've noticed people like to read writing a lot more angry than it should be read.

- we will admit, we (our system) does share different beliefs! we try to keep our posts and beliefs on this blog consitent as not to cause confusion, but it's kind of... hard, and not my problem. i don't want to change myself to be more palletable or closer to what a singlet is like. at the same time, we hate that and are completely fine with censoring (?) ourselves to keep things making sense and uhm just generally consistent!! we don't want to upset somebody by them thinking we all believe something, while only a few do, so we either stay neutral or try to stay quiet on things we differ on.

- it's kind of odd to say somebody else is harassing while sending an anonymous ask critiquing them

- goldfish can't yell

- it's not a thread it's 4 different anon asks we responded to

- everybody deserving recovery is not in response to anybody asking why we're "malding" over the anon asks.

- "maybe you should read the anti-harassment policy, starting with the mirror" this sentence doesn't make any sense, and I can guess what kind of point you were trying to make, but simply for the fun of it, unfortunately, the anti-harassment policy is not on my mirror! :3c

[dusknoir-whump]

"All of you miss the old (internet) fandom but you don't want to- *(blah blah blah"

I don't miss the old fandom

I am happy it is dead.

Yeah guys old fandom culture was so great I sure did love ERPing with adults at the ripe age of 11 and being asked what my position was by adult women who were fujoshis at 13. I also loved when I made my own version of Under lust at 11 that more adults took an interest in and got me to explain to them.

Fandom culture was so good when I was 12 and reading BlogTheGreatRouge's Jammies Daycare and learned being suicidal makes you burden. Fandom culture was great when I read the further works of that creator and joined the fandom they amassed as children as they started drawing porn and knowingly letting children interact with it.

I loved when I got groomed numerous times in fandom ERP communities around various anime. I absolutely adored how I was made to look and get into more and more extreme content that worsened my symptoms due to my trafficking when I was 9 and under, and especially loved when it worsened my dissociation and triggered me but I was too young to understand and it was the norm for children to have unfettered access to the internet and nobody cared to actually see what was happening.

Old fandom was great when it included self harming because of things from a show and being praised for posting pictures.

(all of that was sarcasm)

Old fandom was crawling with rot and decay and filth. It was a shambling mass of a carcass that had no reason to keep living. We put it to rest and let the flowers, grass, and other plants grow anew from its nourishment. The old fandom was built in the wild west of the internet. Nothing was tagged nothing was moderated, everything was heavily filled with a dark sludge in the form of online predators happy to be given a space to talk to kids.

Fandom was never a safe haven from that, if anything it was worse there. Even now I see the people who talk about the good old days turn around and scream at a "puriteen" and try to then tell that child that they should like the porn they like and sometimes even send it to them or go in depth on how it is and why it's hot. I've seen adults consistently engage in sexual conversations with children and specifically adults who are millennials talking to young gen Z and now Gen alpha children about how their evil for not jacking off to what they do. But the newer fandom that's emerging the people that care and properly tag everything, find the ways to actually remove minors, and shockingly DONT GROOM KIDS and know not to tell kids about porn or commit a felony by sending it to them- is a better fandom.

I prefer the newer fandom I'm seeing with rules and regulations. Ways to make sure children are safe and people who will get on the ass of anyone who dares to speak to a child about sex and porn when they're not an authority figure in the childs life who has the right to educate them in an age appropriate manner.

I prefer the fandom that is willing to point out that there's a predator problem. I prefer the fandom that doesn't like harassment sent to creators or pins in people's food. I prefer the fandom that don't see children as deserving access to the NSFW side and I prefer fandom that tones itself down in child friendly spaces.

I love that proper censorship has been instated to make it possible to not be triggered or to have a child safety mode for example. I love that tagging is more common, that it's not accepted to mock triggers. I love being able to write my Gorey horror without worries a child will be forced to see it or constantly having to make sure nothing in my specific spaces is from children. It's so much easier to find that out if they are and it's so less common that there's not adults in specific corners that are adult spaces.

New fandom is BETTER.

[e-steamedtea]

Lyney Headcannons

Okay- headcannon time~ This is really just an excuse for me to write angst about him. He just had so much free real estate. I feel like if I don't talk about this somewhere that I'm going to explode.

1. Lyney doesn't talk about his problems because he feels he hasn't suffered enough too.

He just seems like the type of person to be super empathetic towards everyone but himself. When his siblings have something bad happen to them, they don't deserve it. When something bad happens to him? He should have done better, it's all his fault, it's what he should have expected. They should feel free to talk about their pain whenever they're ready. He thinks that compared to his siblings, he's just hasn't had it bad enough to talk about it.

2. Lyney doesn't remember how to talk to people authentically.

I like to think with how much he tends to put on a front he doesn't know how to properly talk to people. He's so good at playing the part that there is not such thing as a normal conversation without all the bravado and sugary words.

3. Lyney refused to eat unless he knows Lynette has.

It was a habit he developed while they were living in the street, but since he was so young it kinda just stayed with age. In fact, he gets incredibly anxious if he ever gets food without knowing of Lynette has had anything. Unless he sees her eat, he'll adamantly refuse food.

4. Lyney is the quiet anxiety type.

He holds all of his emotions in and has had several anxiety attacks in public. If it's just him and Lynette, he'll start pacing and occasionally he'll follow his anxious trian of thought. He's prone to harm scratch at his skin or pull his hair so they keep his nails short.

5. Lyney has a dissociation problem.

The habit was worse when he was younger, especially when they were under the abusive nobel. He would just space out if he wasn't actively performing or Lynette wasn't there. He'd either spiral or his mind would be absolutely blank. Occasionally, he'll slip from reality, especially when Lynette isn't around to keep him grounded.

6. Lyney has cat-like eyes.

I literally cannot explain it. It's just what he inherited and I will stand by it for the rest of my life. It's especially prominent in the sun. He's got slits instead of the round pupils and when they lived on the streets people wouldn't look him in the eyes because they thought he was creepy.

7. Lyney was locked in a closet as a kid but he has no memory of it.

My brain came up with this and I can't even explain it. Under the abusive nobel, there was an incident that resulted in him spending the night in a closet, neither twin really remembers it. Lyney was dissociated the whole time and the dark doesn't help. It's remember on a subconscious level but Lyney's just ignores it until he can't anymore.

8. Lyney does card tricks when he's nervous

When he's nervous and alone, he'll pace back and fourth and do card tricks to try and calm him down. They're like his fidget and it was an idea that Lynette came up with instead of him putting his hands in his hair. When around other people, he does the tricks but doesn't let his nervousness show on his face.

This is the second part of this post:

Lyney's Character Analysis

Courtroom Headcannons

Edited: Links

[yamaylander]

hello there, it is the me. the not-so-known arknights fella. for the few of you who've read that one blemitooth fic that a friend reblogged from me, i'm the guy who wrote it

i'm here to tell you that i'm challenging myself to redo nightmare's entire character

to explain, i got curious one day about what my friends thought about nightmare since remembering a post so i asked in their discord server on what they thought and unanimously they agreed that characterwise, the handling of her DID (dissociative identity disorder) isn't very. good

we talked a bit more about her and after one of them posted @adorablegorilla's post regarding how nightmare's character can be done justice (post below for those curious), i decided to take it upon myself to try and rewrite nightmare's character

now keep in mind, although i know DID exists, i'm quite unfamiliar with the subject. so although i have a few friends with DID i can defer to and research that will be done, i may end up doing something wrong in the process so bear with me and point it out if you read the finished product. at the least, it'll help give me a better understanding in writing DID in the future

with that said, hope you're excited for what i'm going to bring along

here's the post that started this btw

[the-indigo-symphony]

hi i hope this isnt weird. saw a mut rb your 'creative folk having characters talk to them' post and now im like of like. Oh.

ive had some plural friends clock me as 'vaguely plural' / had people assume i'm a system so im like. im having a 'perhaps my experiences are in fact, not universal' moment.

ive just never felt like it fits the bill for plurality, because ive always had a pretty tight grip on 'me' being the pilot / dont have altars switch out/in to talk like i see so often. its complex definitely but i guess im asking if there's any good resources for someone like me :?

(you can answer this privately or publicly, i dont mind either way)

Hi! Not weird at all. I see this somewhat often when people come to me about questioning if they're plural, and I think it comes from a lack of information about just how varied plurality can be. So, let me go over what your situation reminds me of.

Firstly, yes, there are resources for what you're talking about – and communities, too. There are plenty of systems who rarely or never switch, and they're called specutien systems and/or systems with P-DID (Partial Dissociative Identity Disorder). These systems may not experience full switches – as in, a total loss of control followed by someone else having full control – but they may experience switches where someone else has partial control, or are otherwise "close enough" to be able to communicate/affect them in some way without taking any control. These are known as co-fronting and co-consciousness respectively, and it's specifically what "talking to your characters" reminds me of.

There's also, of course, the possibility that you are experiencing full switches and are just forgetting due to amnesia, but if you don't have noticeable memory issues (noticeable by yourself or others, I should note, since the fun part of forgetting is you forget that you forgot), this probably isn't something to be too concerned about. If it is and/or you want to cover all your bases, try keeping a regular journal and see if there's any large gaps you can't explain.

Honestly, I recommend the journal for general purpose, too. It's a very useful tool for communicating, especially if you can't or don't switch; you can write down what your alters say to keep track of conversations, making sure you don't forget or mix up what was said, and use it as a sort of "evidence book" to yourself, especially if you add in other little details that support the idea that you're plural (such as, in your case, others assuming you're plural, too). Even if you've talked to your alters before, learning to talk to them as alters can be a new challenge to get used to, so try what techniques catch your eye and don't be afraid to take your time figuring yourself/ves out.

Of course, there's always the possibility that you're not plural, in the end, but hey, you're looking to learn something, ain't ya? Whether you are or aren't plural, you'll learn more about that aspect of yourself, and probably learn more about systems along the way.

To recap: specutien, P-DID, co-fronting, co-consciousness. Those are the four things I recommend you most look into, but you may find other topics or terms that you think may also fit you, so don't be afraid to explore those. Just looking up those terms on Tumblr will get you some folks talking about their own experiences, but there's also Pluralpedia as a wiki for plural terms, and at least two, maybe three, of those terms have been mentioned in academic and clinical papers about plurality, if you want to read those.

Hope this helps! Good luck figuring out yourself/ves!

[lehhoh7822]

asking about the legally blonde fics 🙄 (JOKING i actually really want to hear about them. please?)

THANK YOU its not letting me add a cut guys..... i would if i could..... long post??

alright hi i write legally blonde fanfics after being involved in a production of it earlier this year and. well.

like i think my fanfic is very ehhhh for most people because i like essentially getting to write completely different songs and then having to integrate them into canon if that makes sense?? based solely off the musical, like, none of pilar margot serena really have ANY established backstory and i havent seen the movie or read the book in such a long time. so what i mean is that i get to write this horrifying piece about someone experiencing parentifcation in an abusive environment and then try to integrate that character into the more canonised characterisation.

i guess the reason is like. of musicals, legally blonde is very.... i don't know, its pretty solid in terms of content for the musical. its absurd like most musicals which kind of facilitated me and my friend (im gonna @ their dead blog from when they were like 12 @kittykatturtles-blog) to make crack theories and then give me things that i wanted to extrapolate from it. I guess the other thing about these fics is that i want to write about how. fucked a lot of rich people are. i think part of this is coming out of the dsmp fandom or engaging with it more critically in terms of a fandom and being able to recognise the kind of repetitiveness of a lot of fanfictions in a very... trope esque way? like there are so many fics which are basically the same and a lot of those feel like they didn't have anything to say or think about in terms of the characters.

i think the other part of it which matters to me is being able to write about themes which are genuinely really serious, and at times intimately familiar to me; exploitative religious groups, familial abuse, dissociative identity disorder, and more, without the worry of too heavy scruntiny. like i remember when i was writing for dsmp i always got kind of scared of writing something too serious and having people like like. oh my god. hes a MINOR. YOURE KILLING ME. the whole point of the stories aren't just that bad things are happening or that these characters are justified or whatever, it's about. how do you keep going? how do you keep loving? how do you explain yourself.

i think something thats super important to be is character autonomy. it rings pretty bad for me when a traumatised or disabled is given no action on their end at all for anything, making them a hollow slate for the abled characters to support and research and worry about and lie to. to me, as someone who is traumatised and is disabled, that kind of dynamic is gross to read about. so its important to me to be able to write about, even if it cant exist in real life, the idea of supportive people who are also kind of fucked up and having to acknowledge the real hopelessness of complex issues is something i want to depict in my writing.

for a lot of people, for most i think, when terrible things happen they can't just stop and they somehow have to keep on going despite the world feeling like its stopped turning for them. and i think a lot of bad things do happen to people when they are still young. one of the worst years of my life was when i was 12 and its genuinely quite hard to top it. trying to write the spiky complex feelings of self hatred and confusion and injustice you can't place and hopelessness is cathartic to me and i think its important for me that it exists.

the other thing is that. like by the nature of my writing, this is leading to a better future. im a pretty slow writer, and i can't be hyperfixated on the story i need to just be continually trying to think and work on it. but because we know; we know they make it to college, we know they have friends, and in this i know that they can make it to adulthood, its an assertion, from me as a writer and from me as a traumatised disabled person that i will make a better future and the worst parts of your life will not definte them. idk.

this is the link to the first two fics and im writing a new one as we speak

if you want to hear more about ttolt characters (we have pilar, serena, margot, elle, serenas parents and brother, pilars infinite fucking siblings and parents, and a few others) then send me asks about it. PLEASE dear god