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nightwingsgypsyrep · 6 months ago

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Ok so I’ve been umming and ahhing about making this post for a while. I’ve always kinda planned on it, but seeing these tags on a previous post of mine (no hate to this user) made me want to post something now. It’s also gone 3am. So it’s not really going to be very clean and tidy, and will probably be a bit rambling, but I can always post a ‘tidy’ version another time.

So! Tackling Dick Grayson’s Romani/GRTSB heritage (warning: it’s a long one)

So, as usual, a few disclaimers: 1) I am not American. 2) I myself fall under the GRTSB umbrella - for clarity, I am from the fairground/circus so a Showman, but my family were simply ‘gypsies’ before getting involved in that in the Victorian period, so I use gypsy/traveller/Showman for myself. I also speak Romani and grew up in the culture and on the grounds. I’m not just talking out of my arse, I promise. 3) I do not pretend to have read every comic. However, this post will be based in things which DC have published (yeah I know it gets retconned every two minutes but hey, I’m working with it), even if some of it is more speculative/Headcanony, it will all be canon-compliant/what makes sense based on my own experiences. 4) That being said, everyone who does in some way fall under the GRTSB acronym will have different experiences and opinions, and all are equally valid and should be respected. 5) I use the term ‘gypsy’ a lot. Where I am from, it is not a slur, but is used almost a catch-all phrase for GRTSB people, by us. We also see Dick use it so I’m going to. I personally don’t mind if people use it (so long as they don’t use it as an insult) but not everyone will feel that way, so it’s always better to ask individuals. 6) this post is intended as a fun exploration of a character whom I relate to based on our shared heritage (when it’s really rare to find characters like that). I’m not trying to dictate to you how you should interpret Dick’s character. You’re welcome to different opinions and interpretations - this is just one of mine! :)

So, first, what is GRTSB? Well, it’s an acronym which covers all aspects of the gypsy/traveller umbrella. It is used in British legislation. It stands for Gypsy Romani Traveller Showman (aka fairground and circus) Boater. Under British legislation, only the first three (Gypsies, Romani, and Travellers) are considered an ethnic identity, whilst Showmen and Boaters are considered a cultural identity.

This is absolutely FULL of problems and has been hotly debated for years, with different people identifying in different ways. People who share the same/very similar ethnic heritage (i.e. siblings, or cousins) can have completely different points of view on what they identify as. As such, don’t take it as gospel - it’s more of a guideline than anything. Especially since a) these groups often intermarry, meaning that someone can be multiple at once; b) if a Showman stops travelling with the fair and settles, they don’t become a non-traveller, because it’s in your blood, not just a job; c) people can trace their heritage back past a particular group - e.g. my own family (circus and fairgrounds aka Showmen) can be traced back to at least the 1600s, before fairs were really a thing - at the time, they simply identified as gypsies. They didn’t stop being gypsies just because they changed their job/founded a circus/fairground. As such, many in my family identify primarily as a gypsy or traveller, and a Showman secondarily, whilst others do the opposite, or identify as just a Showman or just a traveller/gypsy. Like I say, this classification is not perfect, and is hotly debated, especially at the present time.

So, now, onto the subject of Dick Grayson. I included the tags above mostly because of the ‘tell me you don’t know a character without telling me you don’t know a character’, because, firstly, rude. secondly, the poster makes reference to the Golden Age. And yeah, obviously DC aren’t going to make reference to Dick being a gypsy in the Golden Age - do you really expect writers in the 40s to care enough about the nuances of a character’s ethnic heritage, especially a gypsy, at a time when it was still common even in countries like England (where legal segregation wasn’t a thing) to have signs on pubs like ‘no blacks, no Irish, no dogs, no gypsies’ - btw we still get those occasionally? However, if we look at the comics which have been published in the eighty five years since Dick’s debut, we see a lot of references to Dick having Romani/GRTSB heritage. Again, I’m not well read, but in Grayson’s run, at least, we do see Dick speaking Romani and self-identifying as a gypsy (Nightwing #91 btw). So I’m sorry but it is definitely canon that Dick has at least some Romani heritage (since Romani, by culture, is not taught to non-travellers on purpose, and is thus only passed down from parent to child. Hell, even some of my cousins who are half gypsy - Diddakois - don’t know the language!), and the fact that he speaks it and IDs as a gypsy does suggest that this is something important to him and his character. I know that being a gypsy is certainly a big thing to me (with how the world treats us, you have to be proud of it and have it be important to you to make it worth it).

So now we come onto the second part of my rant: wtf is going on with Haly’s Circus.

So, an important bit of context is, what makes a gypsy a gypsy? And the answer to that, in my opinion, is a mix between culture and blood. You can’t be a gypsy (unless in circumstances like adoption) unless you have both. What I mean by that is, if you’ve got one gypsy great great great grandparent, but weren’t bought up with the culture and morals, you have gypsy heritage but are not a gypsy. However, if you are a gypsy and you decide to settle down in a house, work in an office, and never speak Romani again, you are still a gypsy. Similarly, if you suddenly decide to take on the gypsy lifestyle (maybe work on the fairgrounds or in the circus, or go travelling like the New Age lot), you are not a gypsy, because it’s not in your blood - hence why it’s an ethnicity, not a cultural thing really. As such, it is common for there to be a us vs them mentality even with those working on the ground - you have the gypsy/traveller/Showman who tends to own/run things, and then you have hired non-GRTSB staff (traditionally called chaps, but this has fell out of fashion in recent years).

Now, I make this distinction because Haly’s Circus is really odd in that regard.

Most gypsy (or Showmen - like I say, it can be both at the same time) ran circuses and fairs tend to be family affairs. For example, it might be John Doe’s Circus on the tin, but the Smith family (which Mr Doe’s sister married into) will often work with and alongside the Does in the running and operating of the events. Largely, this is on an ownership level, with various relations then owning the surrounding supporting elements (e.g. sideshows, fairground rides and joints, food kiosks). Other family members might then help ‘mind’ the stuff, or you can hire non-GRTSB staff to help.

Now to draw on my own family history: historically, in the Victorian period, etc, it was common for the gypsy family who owned the circus to also perform in it. For example, in my grandfather’s circus, my grandmother was a lion tamer and equestrian performer in parades. They did also hire non-traveller performers, but there wasn’t such a distinct line. However, by the 30s approximately, this had changed to be a more managerial role, with it being more common to have purely hired performers in the main event. The exception here was for sideshows and fairground rides - it is still common today for these to be ran/worked by GRTSB people (e.g. my grandmother did the dookering - fortune telling - and my grandfather did the boxing; today, we still run and operate the rides and kiosks).

However, we know that Haly’s circus was not like that. We honestly don’t know if Haly was a gypsy or not. Also, usually, gypsies have such big families and are surrounded by them, but we know that the Graysons died with no living family (no William Cobb does not count here) and had no relation to anyone at Haly’s. I suppose if you want a canon answer, you could point to how Haly’s was used by the Court of Owls, but it could just be Like That. This is unusual but not unheard of, but still worth pointing out I think. Alternatively, it could originate from one of the non-GRTSB started circuses which were popular around the turn of the 20th century. Since being a gypsy is really tied to your family name and, ethnically, means you have to be born into it - you can’t just start a fair and claim to be one-, even 120 years later, these families are still met with scepticism - they could marry into a 100% gypsy family in 1901, and have all of their descendants do the same, and still the older generation would look at their surname and scoff and say they’re not a real traveller because that one great grandfather 100 years ago was not a born-and-bred traveller. But honestly, I think 100 years is enough to integrate. So, to summarise, Haly’s circus is quite unusual in that it does not appear to be operated by only gypsies/Showmen, even if it still common for circuses not to be performed in by just gypsies.

Now, to answer, how Romani is Dick Grayson?

Like I say, canon does explicitly tell us that he has Romani heritage, placing him firmly within that second category of the GRTSB acronym (and he also identifies with the more general Gypsy identity). However, it’s frankly unlikely that the writers really went in depth with the whole GRTSB thing, so I think we can tentatively suggest that he might have also identified (keyword here being ‘might’ - this is more canon-compliant HC here y’all) as a Showman (called a Carney in the US) because the whole deal with being a Showman is the circus/fairground aspect (but, like I say, it is still a ‘gypsy’ identity as you must be born a Showman, you can’t just sign up, because it is based on a mutual gypsy heritage which predates fairgrounds/circuses, which means it still fits into what we know of Dick in canon. As such, Dick being a Showman is hardly canon, but it is 100% compliant with what we know of Dick in canon). As I’ve said, they are not mutually exclusive. He could ID as both or either, or just prefer the all-encompassing ‘gypsy’.

Now, we also know that Dick is not 100% gypsy (but tbh who is nowadays? I have two non-gypsy great-great grandfathers). Although Dick’s family history is limited, we know that his great grandfather William Cobb was likely not a gypsy (he could be ethnically, it’s not ruled out, he might have just settled, but let’s go for safety’s sake here and just say he’s not). Similarly, his partner was from a wealthy non-gypsy family, meaning that ethnically, their baby (John Grayson’s father) was likely not a gypsy (though could potentially have been a Diddakoi aka a half-gypsy, if we believe William Cobb to be a settled gypsy). However, since this baby still grew up amongst the circus, it is not impossible that he ended up marrying a gypsy, which would make John Grayson half gypsy - aka a Diddakoi. In fact, I would argue that it is even likely, owing to the fact that Dick speaks Romani, and the fact that Romani is only taught to other members of the family, meaning that somewhere in the Grayson family, a Romani speaker had to be introduced. Mary Grayson (formerly Lloyd), on the other hand, probably was Romani/GRTSB herself. I say this, based mostly on her closeness with the OG Richard aka Raptor from Seeley’s run, who was Romani, and the fact that it is really common in gypsy circles to mostly mix with other gypsies, meaning that it would make sense for the pair to meet based on the fact that they were both gypsies/Romani. Therefore, I would argue that even if Dick is not wholly Romani/gypsy ethnically (but, like I say, who is nowadays?), I think there is enough both blood and culturally to make a pretty good case for him IDing as such, and foregoing the need to make any distinction. (Also, especially nowadays when Diddakois are increasingly more common, it’s not even that prejudiced to be a Diddakoi. A lot of my cousins are and you don’t even think to mention it). Aka. He’s a gypsy. Nuff said.

Then, I suppose, the final thing I’ll address is the ‘whitewashing’ issue, or, what I really think is a non-issue.

Sure, a lot of ethnically Romani people are dark skinned. There is a reason why the term gypsy exists. Now, as my grandad will tell you, gypsies originated from Northern India about 2000 years ago, before moving into Europe. However, a lot can happen in 2000 years. There are a lot of people in the UK, at least, who identify as purely Romani who have very pale skin. My family has a real split: my dad’s side of the family is quite dark, and are often mistaken for being South Asian in the summer due to how dark they get when they tan. Meanwhile, he refers to my mother’s side of the family as being ‘poxy and pasty’. My mother is a full-blooded traveller btw, same as my dad (barring their singular non-gypsy great grandad they each had). You just can’t paint everybody with the same brush. Take me for example: I am pale af and take after my mum’s side of the family, but I’ve still got the stereotypical dark curly hair and blue eyes of gypsies (which my boy also shares). Genetics are weird. So whilst I am a big fan of dark skinned Romani Dick Grayson, it’s also still ok and accurate for him to be paler. This does not make him any less Romani. (Like I say, this is all based on my experiences in the UK).

SOOO… TLDR:

Dick definitely has Romani heritage. This has been canon for decades and cannot be taken away from him.

He canonically self-IDs as a ‘gypsy’ (as well as the Romani heritage), and may also be interpreted as being a Showman (even if this is more of a European term) if you want to see him that way, especially since a lot of Showman families (mine included) can trace their families back past the origin of the fairground to when they simply identified as gypsies or Romani (hence why Dick might ID as a gypsy with Romani heritage. Honestly, this is mostly in the realm of canon-compliant Headcanon now)

The GRTSB classification system is a mess y’all and everyone has a different opinion. Just roll with it and don’t get into the debates is my professional opinion.

Being Romani/a gypsy/a traveller/a Showman is something you are born into. You can’t just become one, or stop being one. So, if we presume that William Cobb had no Romani heritage/was not a settled-down Gypsy, even after he joined Haly’s he did not become one. It really is in your blood, and is tied to family.

Haly’s circus is unusual because it’s mostly not a family affair (though points for the Graysons sticking with it and inheriting their roles - that is realistic!). It’s unclear how many of the members of the circus are Romani.

Dick also has non-traveller heritage due to the William Cobb thing. His grandfather, at least, was probably not ethnically Romani (though he might have been half if we want to view William Cobb as having Romani heritage/being a settled gypsy). However, since Dick canonically has Romani heritage, IDs as a gypsy, and speaks Romani (a language which is closely guarded amongst gypsies), it had to come in somewhere. Honestly, I think we can comfortably view him as being at least 3/4 ethnically Romani/a Gypsy, but also since modern Dick Grayson was not born during prohibition, this really isn’t a problem as it’s really common for Diddakois (half gypsies) to be treated as full gypsies nowadays.

As much as I love darker skinned Dick Grayson, it’s not a requirement. A lot of the GRTSB community (especially in Western Europe/Britain/Ireland) are on the pale side. This does not take away from their identity.

So that’s my rant. It’s like 3.30am so it’s probably a complete mess but hopefully it gets down the basics, at least insofar as it relates to my experiences and understanding as a gypsy from the fairground/a circus family. People will probably have different experiences (especially since I’m in the UK). Although I have based all of this on canon, and as such it should all be canon-compliant to my knowledge (I’ve still not read all the comics!), it is also equally based on my experiences, so you may interpret it completely differently. The beauty of Dick’s character is that he has been built up over 85 years, and as such, we have to do our best to interpret what was laid down in the Golden Age by writers with no idea of what Dick’s character would grow to be. As such, canon really is a bit of a sandbox, and this is my own go at it!

If anyone has any questions/wants clarification/notices any obvious contradictions with canon since I’ve not read them all yet, please feel free to point it out! This is not intended to be a lecture/call out post/dictatorship on how you view canon, just a small exploration of my interpretation of a character whom I relate to as a Romani speaking gypsy from the fairground/circus myself.

#I’m low-key terrified to post this pls don’t hang draw and quarter me #batman #batfam #dc comics #dick grayson #nightwing #romani dick grayson

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armandyke · 2 months ago

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Remember then that it was love: The relationship between Amadeo and Marius in Blood and Gold, and how it conflicts with Armand’s version of events

Now that I’ve read both books I want to look at all the discrepancies between Armand’s original account of his relationship with Marius in The Vampire Armand compared to what Marius tells us in Blood and Gold.

I’m leaving all criticisms of Anne Rice’s possible sloppy writing at the door because we could just go around in circles with that. It’s possible that all of these discrepancies are just results of Anne misremembering what she wrote originally, not hiring editors, etc. but we’re not doing that today. I’m going to be taking everything within these books as intentional and exploring what it says about Marius as a character that he would change/erase/contradict different things.

(Note: there is literally a 10K word essay below)

Blood and Gold isn’t framed as being Marius’ response to The Vampire Armand, at least not in the way that The Vampire Lestat was Lestat’s response to Interview with the Vampire. He’s not being argumentative, or making a point of contradicting Armand, but considering this book follows on from The Vampire Armand in the series, it does feel like this is his attempt at setting the record straight, and putting out his own version of events.

Within the context of the book, Marius is explaining all of these events to Thorne, a new character who has spent hundreds of years asleep and only recently awoken. He is vaguely aware of the events of Queen of the Damned through to Memnoch the Devil, which he picked up on while he was asleep, but beyond that he doesn’t know the rest of the characters. More specifically, he hasn’t read Armand’s book, and I think that context is important to remember as I go through this. Marius is speaking to somebody with no prior knowledge of who Armand is, or of the story he told. Essentially, he has the opportunity to deliver his account of events to a completely unbiased, blank slate. This could also explain why he isn’t argumentative in the way that Lestat was in his first book.

I’m going to try and break this down into sections rather than going through the book chronologically, because otherwise I’m gonna end up repeating the same points over and over. So take my hand and let’s go on a journey into the mind of Marius de Romanus.

(Also, I’ll be referencing page numbers when I include quotes from the books, more for the sake of helping me keep track of the timelines in both books than anything else since I’ll be going backwards and forwards a bit. These numbers are based on the pdf versions that I have which you can download here and here)

Violence

For me the most notable difference between The Vampire Armand and Blood and Gold is the lack of violence in Marius’ account of events. It’s gonna be hard to draw direct comparisons between the two books for this because I’m pointing out an absence of something, so this is mostly going to be me pointing to quotes from Armand’s book and yelling “But Marius never mentioned any of that!!”

I will, however, start by taking a moment to point out these lines, which I read and literally laughed at.

“Now, I am by nature not given to physical combat, but in a rage I pushed him off me with such force that he was thrown across the floor and back against the wall. ‘How dare you?’ I asked fiercely. I struggled to keep my voice low so as not to alarm the mortals in the banquet room. ‘I ought to kill you. What peace of mind it would give me to know you were dead. I could cut you into pieces that no sorcerer could reassemble. Damn you.’ I was trembling with this uncharacteristic and humiliating rage. (Blood and Gold, pg. 134)

I could go into detail about how many times, in this book alone, Marius becomes angry (27), furious (12), or filled with rage (9), but that’s neither here nor there.

From the combined information in The Vampire Armand and Blood and Gold, we still don’t know a huge amount about Marius’ relationship with the other boys in the palazzo. Within his book, he never mentions anything about using any kind of violence with the boys, nor does he ever mention that the teachers he hires for the boys also use corporal punishment. You could argue that this was common practice in those days, so it wouldn’t have even occurred to him to mention, but this is just the first in a long list of cover ups, so it feels relevant to mention. We know for a fact that physical abuse was common within the palazzo, and Marius was not opposed to punishing the boys himself.

“He whipped Riccardo for it. I was full of shame. Riccardo took it like a soldier without cries or comment, standing still at a large fireplace in the library, his back turned to receive the blows on his legs. Afterwards, he knelt and kissed the Master’s ring. I vowed I’d never get drunk again.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 57)

This is the only time we get an explicit description of Marius physically punishing other boys in the palazzo, but I think Riccardo’s ability to take his punishment silently makes it clear that this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence.

Then, of course, there’s the violence towards Amadeo himself. In Blood and Gold Marius only ever describes one instance of him physically hitting Amadeo.

“‘I cautioned you on this, did I not?’ I said furiously. ‘And now you weep like a child?’ In a rage, I slapped him. And in shock he fell back away from me, but his tears flowed all the more.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 361)

Interestingly even in this one account, he mentions Amadeo being shocked by the physical assault, when in Armand’s account of events we get lines like this:

“He approached me and I shrank back, actually afraid. But by the time he struck me, hard across the face, he’d recovered himself, and it was just the usual brain-jarring blow.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 226)

It’s also interesting that this is the one and only time Marius admits to hitting Amadeo, considering the rest of the context of the conversation. This is a moment shortly after Amadeo’s turning, and after being reunited with Bianca for the first time. Amadeo wants to be able to give the blood to Bianca, and Marius is arguing against him.

“‘Master, why can we not make her one of us! Why can we not share the Blood with her?’ I took him roughly by the shoulders. He didn’t fear my hands. He didn’t care.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 361)

It could easily be said that this is an argument where Marius seems, from a completely objective perspective, to be right. Amadeo, still a child and also newly turned, is quickly hurtling towards the idea of turning everybody he loves into a vampire so that he can be with them for eternity. It’s an unrealistic and dangerous idea which Marius then puts a stop to, and by doing so he’s also saving Bianca from being turned. Is that why he’s comfortable admitting to using physical force here? Because it’s a situation where it can be more easily justified? Let’s look at some of the violence Armand details in his book, and which Marius never mentions.

Obviously the most glaring omission in Blood and Gold is the whipping scene. Marius actually uses a whip on Amadeo twice in The Vampire Armand and I’ll get into the second moment in a little bit, but it’s the first scene where we get the most vivid account of the violence he used.

“I felt the nudge of his knee in the small of my back and then down came the switch across my thighs. Of course I wasn’t wearing anything but the thin stockings that fashion decreed, so I might as well have been naked. I cried out in pain and then shut my mouth tight. When the next few blows came, walloping my legs, I swallowed all the noise, furious to hear myself make a careless impossible groan. Again and again, he brought the switch down, whipping my thighs and then my lower legs as well. Enraged, I struggled to get up, pushing vainly on the covers with the heels of my hands. I couldn’t move. I was pinioned by his knee, and he whacked away without the slightest deterrent.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 88)

This is just a small snippet. It’s one of the most drawn out, brutal scenes in the book (five pages total in my pdf). Now let me show you Marius’ summary of events.

“I sent him off to the best brothels to learn the pleasures of women, and the pleasures of boys. He hated me for it, and yet he enjoyed it, and he came home to me eager for the Blood Kiss and nothing else.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 322)

I’m gonna be coming back to this scene again later when I talk about the sexual aspect of their relationship. But for now I’m focusing purely on the physical violence, or, more specifically, the complete lack of it in Marius’ account.

I think it’s important to note at this point, for people who haven’t read the book, that Marius hasn’t been shying away from detailing other acts of violence in here. He gets into physical altercations with Mael, attacks and kills Eudoxia, and kills multiple unnamed vampires. Even when it comes to his relationship with Pandora, he talks a lot more openly about acting aggressively and forcefully with her.

“‘Stop it, Pandora. It isn’t necessary that I give her up. We are not mortals! We can live together.’ I took her by the arms. I shook her. Her hair did come loose and then violently and cruelly I pulled at it, and I buried my face in her hair.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 513/514)

So what’s the difference? Why can he be open about his aggression towards Pandora and the other vampires, but not towards Amadeo. I have a lot of thoughts about this, and I’m gonna go a bit more in depth on the differences specifically between his accounts of his dynamics with Pandora and Bianca compared to Amadeo, but perhaps it comes down to the simple fact that Pandora was a centuries old vampire, and Amadeo was a child. A human child. Perhaps it comes down to the simple fact that Marius knew there was no way to spin this moment without painting himself as a monster.

Moving on to the second time he whips Amadeo, this is when we get one of the more glaring discrepancies. In this case we don’t just have Marius omitting something, we see him actively contradicting Armand’s account of events.

Interesting to note that in this second moment Amadeo is a vampire, though still a child and quite newly turned. This is another scene that’s quite drawn out in The Vampire Armand so I’m gonna break it down by showing the initial assault first, because I think it’s important to emphasise just how violent Marius was in Armand’s version, and then I can explain some of the context of the scene and get into the contradictions.

“I turned away from him. I figured he was being dramatic and that he would go away. The switch came crashing down again and this time there followed a volley of blows. I felt the blows in a way I’d never felt them when mortal. I was stronger, more resistant to them, but for a split second each blow broke through my preternatural guard and caused an exquisite explosion of pain.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 211)

This scene comes shortly after Marius takes Amadeo to Kyiv to see his home and his family again. Pretty understandably (to me at least) Amadeo goes into a bit of a slump after they return to Venice, coming to terms with all of the memories he's finally recovered, as well as the fact that he will never be the person from those memories again. He’s seventeen and coming to terms with the fact that the family he’d forgotten loved him, that they still do love him, and that he’s now had to say goodbye to them forever.

And Marius does seem to understand this. To some extent at least he seems to acknowledge the conflict going on in Amadeo’s head and appreciates why he's become withdrawn. Now let's compare the two scenes.

“‘You’ve had enough time to grieve and to weep,’ he said, ‘and to reevaluate all you’ve been given. Now it’s back to work. Go to the desk and prepare to write. Or I’ll whip you some more.’” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 211)

“When would he finally pick up the brushes and paint? I didn’t know, but such a question didn’t matter anymore. He was mine and mine forever. He could do what he pleased.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 375)

“He smacked me across the face. I was dizzy. As my eyes cleared, I looked into his. ‘I want your attention again. I want you to come out of your meditation. Go to your desk and write for me a summary of what your journey in Russia meant to you, and what you see now here that you could not see before. Make it concise, use your finest similes and metaphors and write it cleanly and quickly for me.’” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 211)

“I tried to forget my jealousy or ignore it. After all, what was to be done about it? Should I remind him of his journey and torment him with questions? I could not do such a thing.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 375)

I don't think you really need me to point out the glaring difference between the two. From Marius’ perspective he was understanding and patient with him, waiting for him to return to his activities in his own time. From Armand’s account Marius physically beat him and continued to threaten him with more violence unless he complied and went back to work.

Again we have to remember that Blood and Gold followed after The Vampire Armand. And you have to question what effect Armand’s account had on the story Marius then went on to tell. He claims he understood Amadeo’s feelings and struggles at the time, but did he? Or is he able to understand them now in hindsight, having read Armand’s version?

Sex and Romance

Much like the physical violence, this is another case of omission rather than direct contradiction, so it’s harder to draw direct comparisons between the two books. A pretty significant aspect of The Vampire Armand is the sexual relationship between Amadeo and Marius, but in Blood and Gold this is almost completely erased. The only time Marius mentions any kind of sexual act with Amadeo is in the initial bathtub scene, which remains mostly unchanged between the two versions.

“Taking Amadeo into the bath, I cleansed him myself and covered him with kisses. I drew from him an easy intimacy which he had denied all those who had tormented him, so dazzled and confused was he by my simple kindnesses, and the words I whispered in his tender ears. I brought him quickly to know the pleasures which he had never allowed himself before. He was dazed and silent; but his prayers for deliverance were no more.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 308/309)

“I groaned for all of this. I sank against him in the warm water, and his lips went down my chest to my belly. He sucked tenderly at the skin as if he were sucking up the salt and the heat from it, and even his forehead nudging my shoulder filled me with warm and thrilling sensations. I put my arm around him, and when he found the sin itself, I felt it go off as if an arrow had been shot from it, and it were a crossbow; I felt it go, this arrow, this thrust, and I cried out.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 41)

Throughout the rest of The Vampire Armand we get multiple more accounts of sexual acts Marius performed on him, and I’m not gonna sit here and quote all of them because I don’t think it will add anything to my argument. Instead, let’s look at how Marius describes things, or, more accurately, the way he doesn’t. This next quote is one of the only hints at any other physical relationship between the two of them following the bath scene.

“Yet in the late evenings, when the lessons had ceased and the little boys had been put to bed, and the older boys were finishing tasks in my studio, I couldn’t stop myself from taking Amadeo into my bedroom study, and there I visited on him my carnal kisses, my sweet and bloodless kisses, my kisses of need, and he gave himself to me without reserve.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 315)

This is probably the closest he gets to hinting at his desire for Amadeo, but it’s certainly nothing close to the levels we see in The Vampire Armand. It’s also the last reference we get to the sexual side of their relationship, and it’s soon followed up with this line.

“Here in Venice for Marius de Romanus, there was none. But Amadeo had his suspicions, not as to the kisses that were fast becoming all too chaste for him, but as to the man of seeming marble, who never supped at his own table, nor took a drop of wine from a goblet, or ever appeared beneath his own roof during the light of day.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 316)

This quote references another, much longer scene in The Vampire Armand, in which Amadeo confronts Marius about the nature of their relationship. Specifically about the fact that Marius performs sexual acts for him while not wanting anything in return.

“‘Well, now,’ I said. ‘There’s a great mystery here and you know it. It’s time you told me.’ ‘What?’ he asked obligingly enough. ‘Why do you never… Why do you never feel anything! Why do you handle me as if I were a poppet? Why do you never…?’” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 66)

And this is one of those moments where I think it’s important to remember the context of the book. As readers, we know that “kisses that were fast becoming all too chaste for him” is referring to Amadeo wanting more from a relationship that is already sexual. But Marius isn’t speaking to us, he’s speaking to somebody with no prior knowledge of Armand or his book.

From an outside perspective, with none of the additional context, couldn’t “fast becoming all too chaste for him” easily be interpreted to mean there was no sexual relationship at all?

And again, just like with the violence, this isn’t a topic that Marius avoids altogether in his book. He gets quite explicit during a scene with Bianca.

“And as my fingers tightened and caressed her, as his kisses grew more fervent, she grew bloodred with her cresting passion and fell softly against Amadeo’s arm. I withdrew, kissing her forehead as though she were chaste again.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 359)

I’m also including that follow up line, just to emphasise the previous point that Marius absolutely means “non-sexual” when he refers to his relationship with Amadeo as “chaste”.

So, once again, you have to wonder what the difference is. Why is he comfortable sharing explicit details of a sexual act with Bianca, but not Amadeo? Is it, again, down to the simple fact that Amadeo was a child? Or does it go deeper?

When Marius comes upon Amadeo, he takes him home and we get the bath scene, the one and only time he references anything sexual happening between them. It’s after this that he then has the idea to groom Amadeo into the “ideal” vampire companion.

“This was a foundling who could be educated for the Blood! This was a child utterly lost to life who could be reclaimed specifically for the Blood.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 309)

Which then leads us to this thought.

“My mind went back swiftly to Eudoxia and how she had spoken of the perfect age for the Blood to be received. I remembered Zenobia and her quick wits and knowing eyes. I remembered my own long ago reflection on the promise of a virgin, that one could make of a virgin what one wished without price.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 309/310)

Earlier in the book Marius met Zenobia, a fledgling of Eudoxia’s who explained some of her background to him. She tells him that she believed Eudoxia chose her as an ideal companion because of her youth and her virginity (interestingly, she was also a slave, though Marius never reflects upon this additional similarity).

Of course, this completely contradicts what he finds in Amadeo, a child sex slave. Marius is well aware of the abuse Amadeo has suffered, he knows he’s not a virgin, but he still has these thoughts all the same. My personal interpretation is that Marius is referring to Amadeo’s amnesia. The fact that, having pulled Amadeo from the brothel and given him a home, he has essentially been “reborn”, making him a virginal figure in that sense rather than specifically referring to his sexual history. But I still don’t think it's insignificant that Marius makes this observation and then goes on to erase all the subsequent sexual interactions they had, retroactively purifying him in a sense.

This is slightly contradicted by the fact that Marius does admit to sending Amadeo to multiple brothels. It seems that Marius is only concerned with removing himself from the equation, rather than completely erasing Amadeo’s sexuality.

Another very significant omission from Blood and Gold, which also slots into the topic of their sexual relationship, is the blood drinking. In The Vampire Armand, Marius begins drinking Amadeo’s blood after he confronts him about his lack of sexuality. He then continues to do this throughout their relationship all the way through to Amadeo’s turning. In Marius’ account, however, he never mentions this.

We can see how intertwined the blood drinking is with their sexual relationship here.

“‘Amadeo,’ he said, his lips on my throat as they’d come and gone a thousand times, only this time there came a sting, sharp, swift and gone. A thread stitched into my heart and was jerked all of a sudden. I had become the thing between my legs, and was nothing but that. His mouth nestled against me, and again that thread snapped and again.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 67)

This is the first instance of Marius drinking Amadeo’s blood, and it then continues to happen in each subsequent sexual encounter we see.

I think it’s important to consider the use of blood drinking as an allegory for sexual assault throughout the book series, especially in The Vampire Armand. Amadeo, still a child, feels Marius drinking from him, but doesn’t fully understand what is being done. It’s not until much later when he sees Marius drink from somebody else that he fully understands what was happening.

“Astonished and enthralled, I watched as my master closed his smooth eyes, his golden eyelashes seeming silvery in the dimness, and I heard the low wet sound, barely audible but horribly suggestive of the flow of something, and that something had to be the man’s blood.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 96)

It’s easy to draw parallels between the blood drinking and CSA. Amadeo was a child, being sexually assaulted, and still too innocent to understand what was being done to him. So I think it’s significant that, as well as erasing the explicit sexual acts, Marius also never admits to drinking Amadeo’s blood.

The reason for Marius omitting this from his account to Thorne could, again, be because on some level he recognises that the things he did to Amadeo were wrong. But I think it may also relate to Marius’ constant insistence that vampires only drink from “the evil doer”.

“‘I understand it,’ she answered too quickly. ‘So Amadeo told me all that you’d taught him. Only the Evil Doer. Never the innocent, I know.’” “Blood and Gold, pg. 421)

This is one of the most steadfast rules Marius follows, and one he impresses on every other vampire he meets. In fact one of the main reasons for Marius viewing Armand as “lost” to them after joining the Children of Darkness is that he witnesses him drinking from innocents.

“‘Well, he’s no child now, Bianca. He may be as beautiful as when I made him through the Blood, but he is a patriarch in the dust. And all of Paris, the wondrous city of Paris, surrounds him. I watched him move through the city streets alone. There was no one there to restrict him. He might have sought the Evil Doer as we do. But he did not. He drank deep of innocent blood, not once but twice.’ ‘Ah, I see. This is what has so embittered you.’” (Blood and Gold, pg. 490)

But surely he considered Amadeo to be innocent. Certainly not evil at least. Well, there’s an argument that could be made about Marius always viewing Amadeo as inherently barbaric, purely due to his nationality, but I’m not gonna get into all that here. No, I think that Marius is aware of Amadeo’s innocence. I think that he couldn’t resist drinking from him, and he redacts that part of his story because he knows it goes against everything he’s ever preached.

I think the most important thing to consider on this topic is, if Amadeo truly enthusiastically consented to all the sexual activities happening in The Vampire Armand, why did Marius erase it?

Personality/Dialogue

Getting now into something that we can compare more directly, I wanna look at Amadeo as a character and how starkly different he is in Blood and Gold compared to The Vampire Armand. To an extent there were always going to be differences, because we’re comparing how a character perceived themself vs how they are perceived by others, but the differences here are so severe that I think it speaks volumes about how Marius viewed Amadeo in general.

To put it as bluntly as possible, Amadeo is barely a character in Blood and Gold. He doesn’t contribute to discussions, or to the narrative as a whole. In essence, he’s Marius’ sexy lamp. It becomes very apparent very quickly how differently Amadeo is going to be portrayed, even from their very first conversation.

“My Master looked at me and in a tongue I knew, I knew perfectly, he said that I was his only child, and he would come again that night, and by such a time as that I would have seen a new world. ‘A new world!’ I cried out. ‘No, don’t leave me, Master. I don’t want the whole world. I want you!’ ‘Amadeo,’ he said in this private tongue of confidence, leaning over the bed, his hair dry now and beautifully brushed, his hands softened with powder. ‘You have me forever. Let the boys feed you, dress you. You belong to me, to Marius De Romanus, now.’” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 41)

“‘Master,’ he said softly in the Russian tongue. I felt the tiny hairs rise all over my body. I wanted so to touch him once more with my cold fingers but I did not dare. I knelt beside the bed and leant over and I kissed his cheek warmly. ‘Amadeo,’ I said to him so that he might know his new name. And then using the very Russian tongue he knew, but did not know, I told him that he was mine now, that I was his Master just as he had said. I gave him to know that all things were resolved in me. He must never worry, he would never fear again.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 312)

Throughout the entirety of Blood and Gold, Amadeo’s dialogue is very limited. He rarely speaks unless spoken to, rarely argues back, and, for the most part, seems only to parrot the things Marius has already told him. This massively contradicts Armand’s account of himself in The Vampire Armand. Obviously, we can’t rule out the possibility that Armand was also exaggerating his personality in his version of events. Considering the brutal punishments Marius inflicted on him, I think it would be understandable for Armand to exaggerate how often he misbehaved and argued back in some attempt to make sense of why he was treated that way.

Another thing to take into account is that from Marius’ account, we get a much better idea of the severity of Amadeo’s amnesia and the way it affected him. It seems that Amadeo was frequently dissociating whenever Marius attempted to force him to remember his past. Perhaps the dissociation means that Armand simply doesn’t recall a lot of these moments in Venice, whereas Marius had a more objective view at that time. Still, I don’t think that accounts for such a drastic difference in behaviour.

Consider the last quote from Blood and Gold, which is the first dialogue exchanged between Marius and Amadeo. It will be over twenty pages before they have another full conversation (arguably their first actual conversation of the book so far). And between those two exchanges Amadeo has only one line of dialogue.

“‘Do you know her, Master?’ he asked me soberly, surprising Riccardo, who said nothing.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 317)

For over twenty pages Marius describes the development of his relationship with Amadeo, and the progress of his education, and in that entire time Amadeo will speak five words.

I’ve talked before about the issues with Anne Rice’s dialogue, how when the characters speak their voices are all very one note and practically indistinguishable from each other. Despite that, however, there were multiple points while reading Blood and Gold that it seemed noticeable that Amadeo’s dialogue wasn’t his own. The example that most stood out to me was the conversation between Marius and Amadeo after Marius has revealed his nature and killed in front of him several times. It’s one of the few conversations that is directly repeated in both books, but there are still notable differences. Sorry in advance for the long ass quotes but I want to try and show the full conversations here.

“‘If I drink such as that, Master, the blood of the wicked and those whom I overpower, will I become like you?’ He shook his head. Many a man has drunk another’s blood, Amadeo,’ he said in a low but calm voice. His reason had come back to him, his manners, his seeming soul. ‘Would you be with me, and be my pupil and my love?’ ‘Yes, Master, always and forever, or for so long as nature gives to you and me.’ ‘Oh, it isn’t fanciful the words I spoke. We are immortal. And only one enemy can destroy us - it’s the fire that burns in that torch there, or in the rising sun. Sweet to think on it, that when we are at last weary of all this world there is the rising sun.’

‘I am yours, Master.’ I hugged him close and tried to vanquish him with kisses. He endured them, and even smiled, but he didn’t move. But when I broke off, and made a fist of my right hand as if to hit him, which I could never have done, to my amazement he began to yield. He turned and took me in his powerful and ever careful embrace. ‘Amadeo, I can’t go on without you,’ he said. His voice was desperate and small. ‘I meant to show you evil, not sport. I meant to show you the wicked price of my immortality. And that I did. But in so doing, I saw it myself, and my eyes are dazzled and I am hurt and tired.’ He laid his head against my head, and held tight to me. ‘Do what you will to me, Sir,’ I said. ‘Make me suffer and long for it, if that’s what you want. I am your fool. I am yours.’” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 120/121)

“‘Master,’ he asked, ‘if I drink the blood of those who are evil, will I become like you?’ We stood before the closed doors of San Marco. The wind came mercilessly off the sea. I drew my cloak about him all the more tightly, and he rested his head against my chest. ‘No, child,’ I said, ‘there’s infinitely more magic in it than that.’ ‘Master,’ he said, as I held him close to me, ‘long years ago, or so they seem to me, in some far-away place, where I lived before I came to you, I was what they called a Fool for God. I don’t remember it clearly and never will as both of us well know. But a Fool for God was a man who gave himself over to God completely and did not care what happened, whether it was mockery, or starvation, or endless laughter, or dreadful cold. That much I remember, that I was a Fool for God in those times.’ ‘But you painted pictures, Amadeo, you painted beautiful ikons-’ ‘But listen to me, Master,’ he said firmly, forcing me to silence, ‘whatever I did, I was a Fool for God, and now I would be a Fool for you.’ He paused, snuggling close to me as the wind grew stronger. The mists moved in over the stones. There came noises from the ships.’ I started to speak but he reached to stop me. How obdurate and strong he seemed, how seductive, how completely mine. ‘Master,’ he went on. ‘Do it when you will. You have my secrecy. You have my patience. Do it when and how you will.’” (Blood and Gold, pg. 342/343)

I wanna start by talking about the difference in Marius’ involvement in the conversation. In the version Marius tells, he is very passive, listening while Amadeo, apparently unprompted, speaks deprecatingly about his past religion before going on to devote himself to Marius. In Armand’s version, Marius asks him directly to state his devotion to him, asking “Would you be with me?”

Then there’s the fixation, in Marius’ account, on Amadeo being a “fool for God”. This is something Amadeo does also mention in The Vampire Armand, though it’s spoken in an earlier conversation in Armand’s version.

“‘Don’t think me cold, Sir,’ I said. ‘Don’t think me tired and used to things brutal and cruel. I am only the fool, Sir, the fool for God. We don’t question, if memory serves me right. We laugh and we accept and we turn all life into joy.’” (The Vampire Armand, pg 100)

The change in context is important here too. In The Vampire Armand, Amadeo refers to himself as a “fool for God” as a way to explain why he wasn’t horrified or disgusted by the revelation of Marius being a vampire. To him this phrase means that, through his religion, he was able to accept negative or even horrifying events, and to find joy and meaning in them. It doesn’t seem, at least in Armand’s eyes, that this was necessarily a negative thing. He’s simply explaining that his religion taught him how to cope with frightening things.

Conversely, the Amadeo in Blood and Gold uses the term “fool for God” as something derogatory, and this is what I mean when I say his dialogue in this book doesn’t seem like his own. We know from his interactions with Pandora, Mael, and numerous other characters that Marius has a very negative opinion of religion and worship (despite the fact that he himself frequently performs religious rituals and prays to Those Who Must Be Kept, he refuses to acknowledge this as a form of worship). The changes in wording between the two books are subtle, but we can see clearly how Marius’ own views are being spliced in. “We accept” becomes “did not care”.

Despite all of this, it’s then interesting to note that in Blood and Gold, we then see Amadeo effectively proclaim Marius as his new god. While Amadeo does refer to himself both as “a fool for God” and “your fool” within The Vampire Armand, these are in two separate conversations, and it doesn’t appear as though Amadeo was referencing the previous conversation when he says this. But in the version Marius presents, Amadeo explicitly states “I was a fool for God, and now I would be a fool for you.”

It gives the impression, to me at least, that for all Marius’ disdain for the idea of worship and religious idols, he wants to present himself as someone to be worshipped by Amadeo. Or, at least, he wants to present the idea that this is what Amadeo believed.

The final thing I want to look at before I move on from this conversation is the tone of Amadeo’s final line in each version.

“‘Do what you will to me, Sir,’ I said. ‘Make me suffer and long for it, if that’s what you want. I am your fool. I am yours.’” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 121)

“‘Master,’ he went on. ‘Do it when you will. You have my secrecy. You have my patience. Do it when and how you will.’” (Blood and Gold, pg. 343)

And again this is what I mean when I say Amadeo’s dialogue doesn’t seem to be entirely his own in Blood and Gold. There’s a flatness to the things he says a lot of the time, a lack of any kind of emotion. To me it gives the impression that Marius was very uninvested in Amadeo as a person. Unlike his retelling of his relationship with Pandora or Bianca, or even any of the other characters, in which he describes their passion and emotional responses with much more depth, this section of his story has an almost clinical feel to it. It’s as if he sees it as simply a series of plot points he has to get through in order to tell this part of the story, rather than a relationship he recalls with any fondness.

There’s also the subtle difference in language again. “Do what you will to me” becomes “Do it when you will.” “Make me suffer” becomes “You have my patience.” Armand’s version gives much more of a sense of his passion and longing, while Marius’ version presents Amadeo as flatly obedient.

Returning to the idea that Amadeo’s dialogue in Blood and Gold tends to reflect Marius’ own views, rather than being an honest representation of the things Amadeo said, I want to look at this quote again.

Much later in the timeline of events in Blood and Gold, we get this quote from Amadeo after he has become a vampire, explaining why he believes Marius chose him for the blood.

“‘There’s a bitter cold in me,’ he said, ‘a cold which comes from a distant land. And nothing ever really makes it warm. Even the Blood did not make it warm. You knew of this cold. You tried a thousand times to melt it, and transform it into something more brilliant, but you never succeeded. And then on the night that I came near to death - no, was, in fact, dying - you counted upon that cold to give me the stamina for the Blood.’ I nodded. I looked away, but he put his hand on my shoulder. ‘Look at me, please, sir,’ he said. ‘Isn’t that so?’ His face was serene.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 363)

It’s quite a shift in belief, as far as Amadeo is concerned. In The Vampire Armand, Amadeo doesn’t want to be seen as cold and unfeeling, in fact he actively argues against it when Marius tries to imply that this is the case. But in Blood and Gold, it is Amadeo who refers to himself in this way. And again this raises the question of how much of Amadeo’s dialogue in Blood and Gold is true, and how much is simply a reflection of Marius’ existing opinions and biases. By giving this dialogue to Amadeo, Marius is effectively shifting the blame away from himself. Marius wasn’t making unfair judgements or assumptions about Amadeo, because it was Amadeo himself who first said these things.

As I said earlier, a large amount of Amadeo’s dialogue from The Vampire Armand is cut out from Blood and Gold, but now let’s look at an example where the inverse happens. We’re still at roughly the same point in time (because this is one of only a few occasions in Blood and Gold where Marius actually details any conversations occurring between him and Amadeo). These quotes are from slightly earlier than the conversation we were just looking at, and take place immediately after Amadeo witnesses Marius killing somebody for the first time.

“I was speechless. Fear, loathing, these things had no part in it. I was simply amazed. If I thought, I thought it was wondrous. In a sudden fit of seeming anger, my Master hurled the man’s body to his left and ot into the water where it fell with a dull splashing and bubbling sound.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 97)

“‘Have you no tears for the man, Amadeo?’ I asked. ‘Have you no questions as to the disposition of his soul? Without Sacred Rites, he died. He died only for me.’ ‘No, Master,’ he answered, and then a smile played on his lips as though it were a flame which had sprung from mine. ‘It’s marvelous what I saw, Master. What do I care for his body or his soul?’ I was too angry to respond. There had been no lesson in it! He was too young, the night too dark, the man too wretched, and all that I had foreseen had come to nought.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 338)

In this case, Marius actually inserts some dialogue where in The Vampire Armand we had none, and this decision raises a particularly interesting question. Does Marius conflate Amadeo’s inner thoughts with his spoken dialogue? It’s a pretty terrifying prospect, that Marius could at any point lash out angrily in response to Amadeo’s thoughts in the same way he would to something he speaks out loud. Who hasn’t had negative, mean spirited thoughts pop into their head at some point or another? Especially as a teenager.

Overall, there are several factors that might explain why Marius chose to change so much in terms of Amadeo’s personality and behaviour. It’s interesting to note as well that Amadeo’s aggression and violent outbursts are also cut from Blood and Gold, so it isn’t necessarily that Marius is attempting to paint a picture in which he was always the good guy trying to keep Amadeo under control.

Being completely honest, I think it boils down to Marius just not caring about Amadeo. I think he loved him, but he loved him purely as an object and as a project to see through to completion. His relationship with Amadeo is barely even portrayed as romantic, in comparison to his relationships with Pandora and Bianca. From the moment Marius found him, he viewed Amadeo as something he could shape into the “ideal” vampire, and so his personality and identity outside of Marius was just… never important to him.

Timeline

Now we’re really cooking with gas, let's get into the timeline conflicts. There are two that I’m gonna talk about here which I noticed, though there might also be others as well.

The first one I want to look at is something I didn’t pick up on until my second read through while writing this essay/thesis/ramble, and though it’s not necessarily a complete conflict in terms of the timeline, it is very odd. Unfortunately it means we have to return to my beloved enemy, the whipping scene.

While the whipping scene is completely absent from Blood and Gold, there is an event which follows on from that scene which is present in both books, and this is the conversation in which Marius first reveals the subject of Those Who Must Be Kept to Amadeo.

“‘Child. I go to see Those Who Must Be Kept. I have no choice in this.’ For a moment I said nothing. I tried to understand the denotation of the words he’d spoken. His voice had dropped, and he had said the words halfheartedly. ‘What is that, Master?’ I asked.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 92)

“‘That I cannot do,’ I answered. And out of my mouth there came words I thought I’d never speak. ‘I go to Those Who Must Be Kept,’ I said as if I couldn’t hold the secret within me. ‘To see if they are at peace. I do as I have always done.’ What a look of wonder came over his face. ‘Those Who Must Be Kept,’ he whispered. He said it like a prayer.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 333)

So, without the whipping scene, you might be wondering what precedes the same conversation in Blood and Gold. Well, according to Marius, this is also the day that Mael visits the palazzo.

“Amadeo saw him. Again, for several fatal moments, Amadeo saw him. And I knew that something deep inside Amadeo recognized Mael for the creature that he was. But like so many things in the mind of Amadeo, it wasn’t conscious, and the boys left me with quick kisses, off to sing their songs to Bianca, and be flattered by everyone there. I was impatient with Mael that he had come out of the bedchamber, but I didn’t say it. ‘So would you make a blood drinker of that one,’ he said, pointing to the door through which the boys had left us. He smiled.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 330)

This is something I only noticed when reading the two books side by side and spotting the repeated conversation about Those Who Must Be Kept, but yes, according to Marius’ account of events, the night that he whipped Amadeo bloody was apparently also the same night that Mael was staying in the building.

In The Vampire Armand, Armand makes no mention of Mael’s visit. However we have evidence from as early as Queen of the Damned that this visit did happen.

“‘And so you would make that one?’ Mael had asked with simple directness. ‘When it’s time,’ Marius had said dismissively, ‘when it’s time.’” (Queen of the Damned, pg. 282)

So, what does this mean? The way I see it there are two possibilities: Either these events did take place on the same day, or they didn’t.

If these events did take place on the same day, it would be completely understandable that Armand wouldn’t mention Mael’s visit, considering everything else that happened to him on that one night. Honestly, I think it would be believable that even in the moment Amadeo completely forgot about the strange blonde man he’d seen loitering around the palazzo after then being whipped to the point that he had to dissociate to try and cope with the amount of pain. I think it would certainly be very weird if the two things did happen on the same night, but it’s possible.

However, the whole point of this essay is to explore what the reasons might be for Marius excluding or changing certain things, so let’s consider that. Let’s consider the possibility that these events didn’t occur at the same time.

Armand didn’t mention Mael’s visit in his version of events, which essentially gives Marius free reign with the timeline, so why choose specifically this day to claim that Mael was there? Well, for starters, Marius has given himself a witness. Suddenly this is no longer just Armand’s word against Marius, it’s now become Armand’s word against Marius and Mael. With very minimal effort, Marius has managed to throw Armand’s entire account of events into question. Why didn’t he mention Mael? Does Armand even remember Mael? How can we trust any of the things he said if he can’t remember?

Considering all of this, I also want to point out this line at the end of their conversation in Marius’ account.

“I bent to kiss Amadeo, and the heat of his body inflamed me. ‘Master, give me the Blood,’ he whispered in my ear. ‘Master, tell me what you are.’” (Blood and Gold, pg. 334)

This is the closest we get to Marius’ account of the whipping scene, and he reduces it down to almost a single line, in which Amadeo asks for it.

Following directly on from this scene, we get to the biggest contradiction between the two books. In this case, it isn’t just the timelines aligning strangely, we actually get a completely different ordering of events.

In The Vampire Armand, after the whipping scene and the conversation about Those Who Must Be Kept, Marius then decides to reveal his vampire nature to Amadeo. He kills several times in front of him, and then leaves to visit Those Who Must Be Kept. While Marius is away, Lord Harlech attacks the palazzo and fatally wounds Amadeo, who is then tended to by Bianca for several days until Marius returns and gives him the blood. I think the most important thing to emphasise is that in Armand’s account, Marius wasn’t at the palazzo, or even in Venice, when Amadeo was attacked.

“‘The Master will know,’ said Riccardo. He looked drawn and miserable, and his lips quivered. His eyes were flooded with tears. Oh, ominous sign, certainly. ‘The Master will know somehow. He knows all things. The Master will break his journey and come home.’ ‘Wash his face,’ said Bianca calmly. ‘Wash his face and be quiet.’ How brave she was.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 132)

However, in Blood and Gold, we get a completely different order of events. Following the conversation about Those Who Must Be Kept, Marius then leaves to visit them and ask permission to reveal his nature to Amadeo. When he returns, he kills several times in front of him, and it is only the following day that Lord Harlech attacks, while Marius is at home in Venice sleeping nearby the palazzo.

“No one had to tell me, as I rushed down the stairs from the roof, that a drunken violent English lord had come rampaging into my house in search of Amadeo for whom he harbored a forbidden passion, which had been somewhat fed by Amadeo’s dalliance on random nights when I had been away.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 345)

It’s easily the most noticeable change in the book, considering in The Vampire Armand we get an entire chapter dedicated to Amadeo fighting off the poison and fever until Marius finally returns home, but in Blood and Gold this is completely rewritten. Why? I think the most obvious answer is that Marius was well aware of the danger Amadeo was in when he left him. He knew the risks, abandoned Amadeo anyway, and it backfired, essentially resulting in Amadeo’s death. So, in his version, he tried to absolve himself of any responsibility by claiming he had been there the whole time.

Or, maybe, it’s not about Amadeo at all. Maybe it’s about Those Who Must Be Kept. In Blood and Gold, Marius went to them specifically to request permission to reveal his nature to Amadeo, while in The Vampire Armand he did this before consulting them. Perhaps even now Marius is still ruled by his devotion to them, and he couldn’t bring himself to admit to acting without permission.

Armand’s Turning

While the timeline is up for debate, what we know for certain is that after Amadeo was poisoned, Marius made him a vampire. The process is described in both books but, again, there are differences between the two versions. The change in the timeline already significantly impacts things. In The Vampire Armand we don’t have a good idea of how long Amadeo is suffering before Marius finally returns, but it’s drawn out across two chapters which seems to indicate it was at least a day if not more, whereas in Blood and Gold Marius was there to immediately ease his suffering. The overall impression in The Vampire Armand is that Armand’s turning was a frightening, painful experience, while Marius gives the impression of a very controlled environment.

“‘Come to me, Amadeo.’ ‘I’m too weak, Master, I’m fainting, I’m dying in this glorious light.’ I took one step after another, though it seemed impossible. I placed one foot before the other, drawing ever closer to him. I stumbled. ‘On your hands and knees, then, come. Come to me.’” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 158)

“‘Come to me,’ I said. I held out my arms. He took the first steps, unsure of himself, so full of my blood that surely the light itself must have amazed him, but his eyes were moving over the multitudes of figures painted on the wall. Then he looked directly at me.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 351)

Obviously, it makes sense that from Marius’ perspective this scene would be less emotionally charged, since he’s viewing it from an outside perspective while Amadeo is living through it, but the difference in tone is pretty significant. In Armand’s version, he remembers having to literally crawl on his hands and knees to get the rest of the blood from Marius and complete the transformation. He’s barely strong enough to move, but Marius forces him to fight to stay alive.

Meanwhile in Blood and Gold, we get no real impression of how much Amadeo was struggling. He doesn’t mention forcing him to crawl to him, only that he was “unsure of himself”.

“I lay on the floor. He stood above me, and his hands were open to me. ‘Get up, Amadeo. Come, come up, into my arms. Take it.’ I cried. I sobbed. My tears were red, and my hand was stained with red. ‘Help me, Master.’ ‘I do help you. Come, seek it out for yourself.’” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 159)

“‘Come, Amadeo, come and take it from me,’ I said, my eyes full of tears. ‘You are the victor. Take what I have to give.’ He was in my arms instantly, and I held him warmly, whispering close to his ear. ‘Don’t be afraid, child, not even for a moment. You’ll die now to live forever, as I take your blood and give it back to you. I won’t let you slip away.’” (Blood and Gold, pg. 351)

In The Vampire Armand, Amadeo is on the floor, crying and begging for help while Marius barks orders at him and refuses to do anything to ease his suffering, but in Blood and Gold we get a completely different picture. Marius describes himself as overcome with emotion, as holding Amadeo “warmly”, whispering words of comfort to him.

It’s possible that Armand’s turning was an incredibly traumatic experience, and that’s why he remembers it in such a negative light. But then, if Marius was as caring and gentle with him as he claims, would it have been a traumatic experience at all? If Marius held him through it and comforted him the way he described, why does Armand remember crying and dragging himself across the floor, fighting to stay alive?

There’s another small detail I want to point out before I move on completely. It’s not part of the turning per say, but it is part of that overall scene and I wasn’t sure it really fit into the other sections.

Before turning him, in both books, Marius bathes him and heals all his wounds, preparing him for immortality. It’s pretty much the same from both accounts but there is one tiny detail that I clocked immediately when reading Blood and Gold for the first time.

“I stripped off his thick and soiled velvet clothes. And then into the warm water I placed him, and there with the blood from my mouth I sealed all the cuts in the flesh made by Lord Harlech. I shaved off for all time any beard that he might have.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 350)

Why did reading that send of Kill Bill sirens in my head? Because in the same scene in The Vampire Armand we get this instead.

“He broke up handfuls of water to bathe me. He bathed first my face and then all of me. His hard satiny fingertips moved over my face. ‘Not a vagrant hair yet of your beard, and yet you have the nether endowments of a man, and now must rise above the pleasures you have so loved.’” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 145)

It’s such a throwaway line but really hammers home the difference between the stories Armand and Marius are trying to present. With a few words Marius is able to present Amadeo as slightly older, slightly more mature. It still wouldn’t make Marius’ actions okay, but it might at least come across as a little less shocking if Amadeo was at least past puberty.

Pandora, Bianca, and Accountability

For this final part I’m gonna be looking less at comparisons between the two books, and more at some of the other parts of Blood and Gold which highlight the difference in the way Marius talks about Amadeo compared to his other relationships.

First I want to point out a discrepancy between the books and more of a discrepancy within Blood and Gold itself because I think it works to illustrate the levels of dishonesty in Marius’ entire account of his time with Amadeo. As part of his description of the moments following Amadeo being turned, Marius says this.

“And as he drank from me, I gave him my lessons, my secrets. I told him of the gifts that might one night come to him. I told him of my long ago love for Pandora. I told him of Zenobia, of Avicus, of Mael. I told him all but the final secret. That I kept from him.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 353)

Already this contradicts Armand’s account, because he doesn’t mention any of these characters or their stories when explaining the things Marius told him. But Marius then goes on to contradict himself later in the book when telling these things to Bianca.

“I told her of the Druid grove again, and how I had been the god there and fled those who would have entrapped me, and I saw her eyes grow wide. I told her of Avicus and Zenobia, of our hunting in the city of Constantinople. I told her of how I cut Zenobia’s beautiful black hair. And telling her these tales, I felt calmed and less sad and broken and able to do what I must do. Never in all my time with Amadeo had I told such stories. Never with Pandora had it been so simple. But with this creature it seemed only natural to talk and to find consolation in it.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 431/432)

So we know Marius is lying, at least about some aspects. Lying to such an extent that not only is he contradicting Armand, he’s now contradicting himself in places.

And the thing is, there are many occasions within Blood and Gold where Marius lies, always for selfish reasons, but what’s interesting is Marius’ willingness to admit to this.

“My soul was wondrously soothed by this event. I am only confessing now what it meant to me. For having lied to Bianca I lived with an unbearable guilt, and now, having given her this gift of the Mother’s blood I felt a huge measure of relief from it.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 496)

In general, Marius goes into far more depth about his relationships with Bianca and Pandora than he ever does with Amadeo. In fact, without the context of the previous books, it would be easy to miss the fact that his relationship with Amadeo was romantic at all. And while Amadeo has his character stripped back to almost the bare bones within Blood and Gold, the same doesn’t happen for Bianca or Pandora. We see the passion of their relationships, and, while it could be argued that Marius is still leaving out a substantial amount of violence that is only implied by the women' s reactions to him, he certainly doesn’t cut it out completely.

We see incredibly heated arguments between Marius and Bianca throughout their relationship.

“I glared at her. A madness took hold of me. I rose to my feet I looked about the shrine furiously. ‘Gather up all you possess,’ I said suddenly. ‘I’m casting you out of here!’ She sat still as she had been before, gazing up at me in cold defiance.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 466)

From the minute Marius is reunited with Pandora we see how violent and possessive he becomes.

“Quickly I crossed the dance floor and bowed before her. I lifted her cold white hand, and led her out and into the dance, and would take no resistance from her. ‘No, you’re mine, you’re mind, do you hear?’ I whispered. ‘Don’t pull away from me.’” (Blood and Gold, pg. 509)

The point being, Marius absolutely doesn’t attempt to paint his relationships with Bianca and Pandora as perfect, and his complete erasure of any violence or anger is something he does specifically with Amadeo.

I think Marius definitely views Amadeo separately to the way he views Bianca and Pandora. The difference specifically between Amadeo and Pandora is easy enough to notice. After losing her, Marius spends almost the entirety of Blood and Gold trying to find Pandora, while he gives up on Amadeo almost immediately. Both Pandora and Bianca are treated as characters with agency, while Amadeo is spoken of as a piece of property.

“I had little strength myself to comfort her, but I knew that she needed what little strength I had. It was hitting me again like so many violent blows that my world was dashed, that my house was ruined, that Amadeo was stolen from me.” [...] “But that was gone. All was gone. Amadeo was gone. My paintings were gone.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 424)

As I said before, a lot of the editing and omitting of Amadeo’s story could be down to the fact that he was a child (a human child) and couldn’t defend or fight for himself in the way that Bianca and Pandora could, but I don’t think we can ignore the way race and nationality plays into this either.

Both Bianca and Pandora are Italian born, the same as Marius, while Amadeo came from Ukraine (Marius continues to refer to this as being in Russia in the present day, which, since I’m writing this essay from a totally Watsonian perspective, means he’s also an idiot).

Marius has a lot of incredibly racist and xenophobic prejudices in general, specifically his outright hatred of “The East”, and it’s clear the negative views he has of Amadeo’s home country.

“The following night I told him the story of his native city. Kiev had once been magnificent, its cathedral built to rival Hagia Sophia in Constantinople from which its Christianity had come. Greek Christianity had shaped its beliefs and its art. And both had flourished beautifully there in a wondrous place. But centuries ago, the Mongols had sacked this grand city, massacred its population, destroying forever its power, leaving behind some accidental survivals, among them monks who kept to themselves. What remained of Kiev? A miserable place along the banks of the Dnieper River where the cathedral still stood, and the monks still existed in the famous Monastery of the Caves.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 366/367)

“Always before this journey to Russia I had thought the split in Amadeo’s mind was between the rich and varied art of Venice and the strict and stylized art of old Russia.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 374)

Considering that, let’s also look at the difference in the way he describes them.

This quote, from just after his most explosive row with Bianca:

“I went back to her. She was standing as I had left her, her face as solemn as before, her brilliant oval eyes fixed on me.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 467)

This quote, from his argument with Pandora:

“‘You dream,’ she said and the first coldness came into her face and into her voice. It was in her brown eyes, a coldness that comes from sorrow.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 510)

And then this quote, which isn’t from any argument or disagreement, just Marius describing Amadeo now that he can’t read his mind:

“Now I must read his facial expressions, his gestures, the depth of his secretive and faintly cruel brown eyes.” (Blood and Gold, pg. 354)

Even at their “worst” moments, Bianca and Pandora are described with far more grace than Amadeo gets during a totally neutral moment. Bianca is solemn, Pandora is cold yet sorrowful, but Amadeo is cruel. I definitely think that Amadeo’s race plays a part in Marius’ disregard for him compared to Bianca and Pandora, and likely also contributed to how quickly he gave up on Amadeo after he was taken by the Children of Darkness.

Conclusion

We did it. Let’s hold hands. To wrap things up, I wanna say again that the fact of the matter is, a lot of this could be down to the author rather than the character. Maybe Anne Rice didn’t want to rewrite every detail from The Vampire Armand from Marius’ perspective. Maybe she forgot things, maybe she got the timelines muddled.

The fact is, regardless of the reasons why, this is the story we ended up with. And to me at least, this story appears to be one of an abuser attempting to discredit the words of his victim. Marius uses every trick in the book to discredit what Armand wrote: omitting information, contradicting him, even bringing in other people to back up his version of the story, while still admitting to some of his less “severe” mistreatment of Bianca and Pandora in order to paint himself as a man who is able to reflect and take accountability for his actions. Yet, at the same time, this book also gives the impression that, above all else, Amadeo was never that important to him. Perhaps this is just another way to distance himself from Armand.

And I can’t help but consider the in-universe implications of this. As it is, Armand still isn’t at a point where he recognises the things that happened to him as abuse. We get an inkling every now and then that he might be beginning to realise that Marius wasn’t purely the good and merciful saviour he believed him to be. Sometimes he does fear him, especially after losing Benji and Sybelle to him too. But I wonder how much reading this book could set him back again; how much all the contradictions would muddle the memories he already struggles to make sense of. And I wonder if, to an extent, that was Marius’ plan all along.

All of this to say that after all of this I can’t help but come back to what, to me, is one of the most sinister quotes from the entire series.

“‘And when you think back on this time, when in half-sleep at night you remember me as your eyes close on your pillow, these moments of ours will seem corrupt and most strange. They’ll seem like sorcery and the antics of the mad, and this warm place might become the lost chamber of dark secrets and this might bring you pain.’ ‘I won’t go.’ ‘Remember then that it was love,’ he said.” (The Vampire Armand, pg. 69)

#the vampire armand #blood and gold #marius de romanus #the vampire chronicles #iwtv #well.. there you go 😭#my essay #with the quotes included this has a higher word count than my actual dissertation #marius de fuckface #interview with the vampire #river reads tvc

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vaadazen-codes · 1 year ago

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How To Get Started Making Visual Novels

Wanna make a visual novel? Or maybe you've seen games like Our Life, Blooming Panic, Doki Doki Literature Club, etc. and wanna make something like that? Good news, here's a very basic beginners guide on how to get started in renpy and what you need to know going in! Before you start, I highly recommend looking at my last post about writing a script for renpy just to make it easier on you!

LONG POST AHEAD

Obviously, our first step is downloading it from their website

thankfully, its right on the home page of their site. Follow basica program installation steps and run the program. I highly recommend pinning it to your task bar to make it easier to access.

From there, you're met with the renpy app, it's a little daunting at first but let's talk about what all these buttons are for.

Projects

This part is simple, it just lists the current projects in the chosen directory. You probably won't have any in there of your own. You should still see Tutorial and The Question!

Both of those default projects are super helpful in their own ways, i highly recommend testing out the tutorial and playing around with it just to get comfortable with some of the basics.

Create New Project

The first step to actually making your game into a game!

You'll be met with a prompt letting you know that the project is being made in English and that you can change it. You can click Continue.

From here, you'll be asked to input a project name! Put in your games title, or even a placeholder title since this Information can be changed later! (this is also the title the folder will be in your file browser, be sure to name it something you won't overlook)

Now we get to choose our resolution!

If you have no idea what to choose, go for 1920x1080! This is the standard size for most computer monitors and laptops, but it will still display with moderately decent quality on 4k monitors too!

You can choose 3840x2160 as well. This is 2x the measurements of the default, with the same ration. These dimensions are considered 4k. Keep in mind, your image files will be bigger and can cause the game to have a larger size to download.

Now we get to choose our color scheme!

Renpy has some simple default options with the 'light mode' colors being the bottom two rows, and the 'dark mode' colors being the toop two rows.

You can pick anything here, but I like to choose something that matches my projects vibes/colors better. Mostly because depending on how in depth you go with the ui, it minimizes the amount of changes I need to make later.

Click continue and give it a minute. Note: If it says "not responding" wait a moment without clicking anything. It can sometimes freeze briefly during the process.

Now we should be back at our home screen, with our new project showing. Let's talk about allll that stuff on the right now.

Open Directory

This just opens that particular folder in your local file explorer!

game - is all the game files, so your folders for images, audio, saves, and your game files like your script, screens, and more.

base - this is the folder that the game folder is inside of. You can also find the errors and log txt files in here.

images - takes you to your main images folder. This is where you wanna put all of your NON gui images, like your sprites, backgrounds, and CGs. You can create folders inside of this and still call them in the script later. EX: a folder for backgrounds , a folder for sprites for character a, a seperate folder for spirtes for character b, etc.

audio - Takes you to the default audio folder. This is empty, but you can put all your music and sound effects here!

gui - brings up the folder containing all of the default renpy gui. It's a good place to start/ reference for sizes if you want to hand draw your UI pieces like your text box!

Edit File

Simple enough, this is just where you can open your code files in whatever text/code editor you have installed.

Script.rpy - where all of your story and characters live. This is the file you'll spend most of your time in at first

Options.rpy - Contains mostly simple information, like project name and version. There aren't a ton of things in here you need to look at. There is also some lines of code that help 'archive' certain files by file type so that they can't be seen by players digging in code however. Fun if you want to hide some images in there for later or if you just dont want someone seeing how messy your files are. We've all been there

Gui.rpy - where all of the easy customization happens. Here you can change font colors, hover colors, fonts, font sizes, and then the alignment and placement of all of your text! Like your dialogue and names, the height of text buttons, etc. It more or less sets the defaults for a lot of these unless you choose to change them later.

Screens.rpy - undeniably my favorite, this is where all of the UI is laid out for the different screens in your game, like the main menu, game menu, quick menu, choice menu, etc. You can add custom screens too if you want, but I always make my own seperate file for these.

Open Project - this just opens all of those files at once in the code editor. Super handy if you make extra files like I do for certain things.

Actions

last but not least, our actions.

Navigate Script - This feature is underrated in my honest opinion, it's super handy for help debugging! In renpy you can comment with # before a line. However, if you do #TODO and type something after it, it saves it as a note! You can view these TODO's here as well as easily navigate to when certain screens are called, where different labels are (super great if your game is long, and more. It saves some scrolling.

Check Script (Lint) - also super duper handy for debugging some basic things. It also tells you your word count! But its handy for letting you know about some errors that might throw up. I like using it to look for sprites I may or may not have mispelled, because they show up in there too.

Change/Update GUI - Nifty, though once you start customizing GUI on your own, it isn't as useful. You can reset the project at any point and regenerate the image files here. This updates all those defaults we talked about earlier.

Delete Persistent - this just helps you delete any persistent data between play throughs on your end. I like to use it when making a lot of changes while testing the game, so that I can reboot the game fresh.

Force Recompile - Full disclosure, as many games as I've made and as long as I've been using Renpy, i have never used this feature. I searched to see what it does and this is the general consesus: Normally renpy tries to be smart about compiling code (creating .rpyc files) and only compiles .rpy files with changes. This is to speed up the process since compiling takes time. Sometimes you can make changes that renpy don't pick up on and therefore won't recompile. In these cases you can run force recompile to force it. Another solution (if you know what file is affected) is to delete that specific. rpyc file.

The rest of your options on this right hand side are how you make executable builds for your game that people can download to extract and play later!

Sorry gang! that was a whole lot of text obviously the last button "Launch Project" launches an uncompiled version of the project for you to play and test as you go! Hang in tight because my next post is about how to utilize github for renpy, so you can collaborate easier!

#renpy #renpy game #renpy visual novel #vndev #visual novel dev #otome dev #vn dev

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thydungeongal · 5 months ago

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Hi, this might be a weird question, but if someone wants to get a proper groundwork of ttrpgs, really understand the medium and what it does, what games do you think they should play? Like which systems would be much checkouts to really GET what kinds of things happen in the space and what kind of games are out there?

I don't think there can be such a thing as a definitive list simply because the medium is so varied, but what I can give is a list of games that have had a massive effect on how I personally look at games. Mind you, I don't think you strictly need to play all of these games, although why not they're hella fun, because even reading them can mindblast you open:

Dungeons & Dragons, multiple editions. Ironically, even though D&D was one of my first games and it for a long time served as a template for what I expected games to be more or less like, coming back to it and exploring the history of the game after delving into a bunch of indie games that were doing completely different things was eye-opening. D&D is not only good to be aware of and keep track of because, for better and for worse, it ends up defining entire design movements (D&D 3e still has an effect on modern trad RPG design), but also because the game itself is a microcosm of how the changing design of a game can end up shaping play culture and the discourse around the game.

RuneQuest and other BRP games: RuneQuest was the first d100-based system but also very much a game clearly in conversation with early D&D, and it's neat to be able to look at two games from that same general period and see how games were already changing at that early a stage. Other BRP games like Call of Cthulhu, Stormbringer, and Pendragon are very useful to look at in the historical context of being some of the very earliest examples of very traditional RPGs incorporating mechanics that tied into character psychology and personality in a way that almost bordered on genre emulation (Sanity, the alignment tracks, personality traits and passions).

Vampire: the Masquerade and other World of Darkness games: these games were revolutionary at the time they came out because while they were still very traditional in structure at least on a discursive level they presented a clear unambiguous break from the hobby's wargaming roots and towards roleplaying games as a form of collaborative storytelling. They also represent a shift in terms of who the game was marketed towards, with these games' success being in no small part due to the fact that they actively catered to women and queer folks at a time when that was still out of the ordinary.

The Shadow of Yesterday and a bunch of other stuff that came out of the Forge: the Forge was a website dedicated to talking about tabletop RPG design and it was basically a gathering ground for people who were really into the promise of RPGs as collaborative storytelling but had grown to see, through play, that Vampire: the Masquerade the System had a completely different idea of what kind of story it wanted to tell than the text implied. TSoY is just one of my favorite games that came out of that design movement and it is a game that really tells you what it's all about, and it is fun to trace its effects on modern game design (it has had a measurable effect on Apocalypse World and Blades in the Dark and thus a significant effect downstream from those two).

Apocalypse World and Monsterhearts. This is my duo of the best PbtA games out there: Apocalypse World for being the first and still almost unparalleled in how it just completely ignored expected ideas of what the act of play should look like and also accidentally became one of the most copied games in the world. Monsterhearts is a fantastic example of a game that builds on the strengths of Apocalypse World's framework while doing a completely different genre and also a great example of a textually queer game.

Dream Askew and Wanderhome. Dream Askew was the first Belonging without Belonging game, a framework of games that very much developed out of a diceless variant of the Powered by the Apocalypse, and the framework is very much defined by its tagline "no dice, no masters." The best I can describe them is as games where the traditional role of the GM is divided across the entire group and while there are game mechanics at play (usually taking the form of using tokens) those are also entirely in the hands of players and not arbitrated by dice rolls. These games thus act both as great examples of what GMless play can look like as well as what diceless play can look like.

Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy: with this one I have to admit to being personal friends with the people behind the game, but my friendship with these people actually blossomed out of a shared love for games and talking about them, and Eureka is not only in my opinion the best investigative RPG ever made, it is a fantastic piece of design that clearly tells you what it's about (I like games that are loud about what they expect you to do: the aforementioned TSoY and Apocalypse World are two others). What it also does very well is re-evaluate a lot of what has come before and synthesize them: yes, RPGs are shared stories, but they are also games. We want stories about heroes succeeding, but in games it is possible to fail; and while the game does build into itself a lot of systems to mitigate the chance of failure simply via playing the game (what a lot of games have tried to do inelegantly in the past with "Idea rolls" and other contrivances to force the characters on the path to success if they fail simply due to bad rolls) it also very openly says "hey, a story about the heroes failing is still a story. Not every story will have a happy ending." And I think that is great, because RPGs are games in addition to being little story factories, and some of the best story moments can come from those times when the game itself says "not today" to your perfectly planned narrative moment and instead tells a completely new exciting kind of story. Anyway, check out @anim-ttrpgs for where you can find and download Eureka, and follow along for more exciting stuff they've got cooking :)

This is not by any means an exhaustive list, but just an "off the top of my head" of some games that I think are neat and that have blasted my brain and altered the way I look at the medium. Anyway once you're done with those be sure to check out Rolemaster as well for the best comedy RPG ever made,

#thydungeongal answers #long post

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numy-numnum · 2 months ago

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Some Beast x Ancient headcanons (CW potential dead dove/nsfw)

Been thinking about this for a while and noticed some people took interest in my personal ship headcanons so I thought I'd indulge, starting out w best x ancient (initially was just gonna be a Burnincheese post but decided to extent it to the other beasts for the funsies)

Oh btw No White Lily and Silent Salt, I like to infer my headcanons based off... yknow canon. So when they get added I will gladly update this post or make a new one featuring them.

Despite this some of these might be extremily canon non compliant, apologies LMAO

Some very important disclaimers first of all, title warning is important, there will be discussions of abuse, racey topics, complicated and messy relationships and other potentially touchy subjects, if this is difficult to read please step away from this post

I am a romance repulsed individual somewhere on the aromantic spectrum I believe (no labels), I have 0 interest in traditional sugary sweet romance (infact it revolts me) and that part of me hugely infers how I approach shipping characters, these are weird little writing experiments to me to see how bizarre and weird the human brain is and to explore those darker, uncomfortable avenues in a 100% safe enviroment. So again if you're expecting thing such as villain redemptions or totally healthy typical cute relationships ,again, probably best to leave lol

And lastly, apologies for typos, will fix as many as possible if I spot them lol

Without further ado, enjoy my ramblings about pastries who smooch each other

ShadowVanilla

Ah yes, t4t (twink4twink/j)

As I see it, ShadowVanilla is a mostly one sided thing. The mutual feelings are there but not in the way either of these two WANT them to be.

We've seen what SM has done to PV , but honestly my personal hot take is PV has some unhealthy beliefs himself.

PV is entirely too selfless for his own good, in the face of someone who has tried to break him down, tried changing him to fit this fucked up mold of what he should be in the eyes of SM, put him through metaphorical Hell for a cause that would bring the world to its downfall... And his response was a resonding "I understand you, we can still be friends." (poorly paraphrased)

As I see it, PV wants SM to reform, to join him, be a pair without others' lives being at stake, but SM fundamentally cannot change.

The two are in a constant dance of desiring each other, needing each other but constantly hurting each other whenever they get too close.

SM because he refuses to let go of his cause and to admit that his idealized version of PV just isn't him, a thing he cannot ever have.

And PV because his insistance on redeeming SM constantly gets him rejected and yelled at.

It's a viscious cycle of yearning, needing and destruction, neither of them are ever truly happy... yet those few moments where there is no fighting, there is no manipulation, there is no unrealistic expectations... It feels like bliss.

Each of them cling onto those moments for dear life and it's what partially keeps them afloat despite their relationship (the other reason being literally each other's halves) Because those few moments are the best thing, ever.

Need, intimacy, love, lust. It all blends together to make a concoction of pure bliss that motivates them to keep going, that perhaps the next time it'll work, and it will be what finally tips them into finding a mutual understanding.

There is no such thing for them, that is. Because they are blind to the thing that keeps them in this vicious cycle, and thus they'll never realize what they do to each other isn't truly love.

But they don't mind, they'll do it all over again if it means they get to try at least... And perhaps it's also because the two have started to enjoy their little dubious, exhausting routine but simply refuse to acknowledge it.

MysticCacao

Sorry to the avid shippers of these two but in my head, 100% one sided.

At the cost of doing Dark Cacao a disservice, he is 110% hellbent on "fixing" that woman... Only for her to walk him around like a dog (metaphorically... mostly).

He tries his best to get to her but it all fails. Sometimes MF is willing to entertain his charade mostly for her (internal) amusement and to study that man like a zoologist studies an animal in the wild.

She's scary, scarier than anything he's ever seen and he LOVES IT. DC doesn't say it out loud but it's definetely why he keeps trying to hit that.

I also like to think that perhaps, in a twisted sense,he thinks she could fix parts of him too, namely how much of a failure of a father he is. Despite her personality, MF is an extremely good caretaker and very loving to Cloud Haetae (although she doesn't show it) and I like to think that DC sees that and in a sense sees an alternative version of himself in MF... One where he and his son didn't have a fallout.

MF is aware of this and much like with everything else she is apathetic to it, if anything she likes leading him on so Peach Blossom can oggle the old man and make moves on him (she's a great wingman)

EternalBerry

TOXIC YURIIII 🎇🎇🎇

EternalBerry is a fun one for me bc HB kinda just... Takes what's thrown her way and shrugs it off, to the absolute dismay of ES

HB is willing to keep a queerplatonic relationship with ES but obviously, ES wants more which leads to awkward arguments and breakdowns.

HB comforts ES through those but in the end nothing gets ever truly resolved and HB doesn't feel like she's equiped to handle something like this.

Outside of her obsessiveness, posessiveness and codependance ES is also quite volatile towards anyone around HB. Not in the Yandere way but she's definetely the type of woman to go "who's this "dad" character in your contacts?" She'll go as far as to mimic aspects of people HB favors in an attempt to get to stay with her, a flip flopping that confuses our local herbo and solidifies her stance that she really just... can't handle all of ES.

ES will go on tirades about how monstrous HB is for leaving her, gaslighting her, yelling at her, minimizing her actions once things blow over, victimize herself when HB bites back, partialy because she wants HB to stay with her forever in eternal happiness but also because she enjoys the moments where she gets to feel small and vulnerable (in the freaky way).

HB tries her hardest to be patient with ES but at times it gets difficult, even with their agreed queerplatonic relationship, she's understanding and caring and will try to protect ES from other evils but unlike PV who feels he can truly change their respective beast, HB just does it because she feels like it's the right decent thing to do. She has no drive to try and change ES's mind and that's because to her their different views clash to the point of her being unable to hold a much more serious relationship.

HB likes to fool around with other friends and even invites ES as well (under the condition she behaves) but ES tends to usually be wholy uninterested in seeing other individuals with HB, the few times she does agree she tends to put up these demands and boundaries where HB focuses on her primarily.

This point is here bc I'm a big fan of HollybberxTarte TatinxPitaya DragonxRoyal Margarine LOL.

BurningCheese

My personal favorite and the one I have the most to ramble about I think

I love love love love love LOVEEE relationships where people hate each other so much they end up desiring each other carnally.

"I hate you. your deft handling of your unfortunate circumstances, your uniqueness, your ability to surpass me — all these irritate me. you're the one person I refuse to lose to" is the EMBODIMENT of how I see their dynamic.

The two are a... Special bunch.

Like HB and ES they have struck a mutual understanding but theirs has 0 good terms attached. "I'll destroy everything you love" "And I'll always bee there to stop you." basically

She wants to kick his ass, he wants to kick her ass and get his ass kicked and that's what they agree to... Usually.

In a twisted sense of irony the two eventually develop a sort of fucked up admiration for one another. BS sees how radiant and confident GC is post her awakening and it infuriates him, it angers him how much he's spurred on by her and how unaffected she is by him. he doesn't understand why it happens, is it her beauty? Her strength? He has no damn clue what about this woman allures him. He knows he loves how she's the only one that can crumble him.

His thoughts are a mess of wanting to put her in her place, crumble her like many others she has taken down and wantig to embrace her, to worship her body like the goddess she is, to taste her to feel her... To sink his teeth into her flesh and taste her blood on his lips, for her to take control and treat him like a weakling, for her to press her heel down on his neck until it gives in and damn it if the feeling isn't mutual between the two.

Out of all of them they're the most secretive about their relationship, mostly because of the nature of it but also because they feel like no one must know of what they get up to. It's the only part of their agreement they swear by mutually.

When they get time for themselves outside of their "sparring" sessions they don't enjoy the typical dates or plain vanilla power inbalance sex, they make shit weird.

Obsessed with constantly testing each other's nerves and reminding each other of just how capable they are of killing each other. GC specially loves to toy with BS and his feelings, she knows he's utterly smitten with her and that he's willing to degrade himself for her sake because he loooves it, he craves it like a famished man craves a fine meal.

And he loves the times where he's given some control and can show off how vicious he can truly be.

Their age gap is definetely part of it also, BS loves the idea of putting this young naive fool in her place and GS loves making this grumpy old man be reduced to a whimpering begging mess.

Despite the many markers of a generic power inbalance dynamic they stray as far away from it as possible though, it just isn't exciting for one of them to always be in control of the other, there's no fun in comformity it gets boring when all there is to their fun times is "small young woman get topped by big evil old man" they need their own spice.

As such they take many risks, and are often extremely reckless, often having to hide bite marks, bruises etc from their subordinates to prevent them from finding out, and if you're wondering yes they've had close calls before, many of them in fact but they're too stubborn to learn, if anything the risk makes it all the more fun for them to be like this.

They're tied to the hip yet they downright refuse to take things further with their relationship, their sparing sessions and sex is all there is to it.

HOWEVERRR, BS does secretly want GC to finish him off once and for all, end their charade at the hands of the only woman in the world strong enough to crumble him. GC is extremely against this but it hasn't stopped BS from attempting this multiple times.

if either of them get close to fataly injuring each other they'll take each other to safety and tend to their wounds immediatly. GC because she can't find it in herself to kill him and BS because he wants the only person who can crumble him to stay alive so he can be entertained for all eternity until the right time comes and he gets to crumble once and for all. It's yet another cycle these cookie weirdos get themselves into and there's not much one can do about it.

At least these two enjoy themselves... in more ways than one.

WOAAAAAAAAAAHH

ok that's it, it's currently past 3 am as I write this, enjoy my insane, honestly horny ramblings+edits and errr idk yell at me in the comments for being dumb or something idk lol

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bitethedevil · 4 months ago

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The Science of Why Raphael Won’t Get Tf Out of My Head

It’s your local doctor in cambion physiology here. I’m going to take you through my theory about why Raphael is stuck in our heads. It’s all based on Science™, of course. Some of these carefully studied theories are dependent on the fact that you are the owner of a uterus. If you aren’t, then idk. I can’t help you. You’re a medical anomaly. It’ll all make sense in a moment, don’t worry about it.

There are a couple of things that I believe are necessary for prolonged focus on a specific character (Source: The Devil, Bite. 2024: Pulled it out of my ass):

Attraction: It helps if said character is hot.

Versatility: I’ll explain later.

A feeling of being able to relate to said character

Attraction

There’s this theory about how women’s attraction to men changes in accordance with their menstrual cycles (source and source). Basically the study says that when a woman is at her most fertile, she prefers more traditionally masculine looking men. However, the rest of her cycle she might prefer men who lean more towards the feminine (both in general qualities and physical attributes).

The whole point of this, is that at ones most fertile, it’s full on monkey brain genetics going “he looks strong and male, so he’ll make good offspring”, while for the rest of the time, it’s more attractive to find someone who actually has good partnership potential. Someone who is reliable and caretaking, and who would be stable in a longer relationship.

I suppose you could sum it up to one being a more romantic attraction while the other is more of a primal and carnal attraction.

Now I want you too look at this very educational graph that I used a couple of minutes to slap together:

Basically, my argument is that though Raphael is not stable or caretaking in any form, the difference between the two forms still visually fits into the two respective categories. His human form for the rest of the cycle, and his cambion form (the ascended form too if you’re freaky, I guess) that seems more traditionally masculine when fertility is highest.

That means that you can look at his dumb face throughout your whole cycle, but might feel a shift in which one you find more attractive (if all this science stuff is correct).

Even if the science behind all of this is bullshit, I still believe that different forms help when it comes to not getting tired of looking at someone.

Versatility

I’m just going to say it, even though my heart might disagree: Raphael would not have the effect he has if he was a more explored character with more screentime in canon. We would all love more Raphael, but I really think the reason for his longevity in our minds is that he is still somewhat mysterious.

Which parts are actually him and which parts are performance? What is he like behind closed doors? How much devil and how much man is he? We don’t really know. We have been given puzzle pieces, but there’s still a loooot of space free for interpretation, which is honestly what makes him great.

It’s been said before in this little corner of the internet: there are so many versions of Raphael, and the great thing is that people are never fighting over which Raphael is the “right” one. Some prefer Soft!Raphael, while others prefer Dark!Raphael. The versatility of his character’s representation allows for that, which I know at least has kept me interested for a long time when it comes to writing him.

Being able to relate

In much the same vein as above, people find different ways to relate to him. The thing on top of that is the feeling that we shouldn’t be able to relate to someone like him, which adds a certain level of taboo to it which is interesting.

He is both the smoothest mf alive and the biggest cringefail loser behind closed doors. He’s obsessive, weird, and too fucking much to be near for a longer period of time. He writes his contracts as songs because he likes ‘whimsy’. He’s got daddy issues and makes that everyone’s problem. There’s a lot to him that someone would at least be able to relate to at some level.

In conclusion

He is without a doubt the character I have hyperfixated on for the longest time, and I know it’s the same for a few others. I genuinely believe it’s because there is so much to him. If you get tired of one aspect of him, there are always other aspects of him to focus on, both physically and psychologically, instead.

And there is some variation to the attraction that I atleast can feel myself. If I have written a lot of darker stuff about him for a while, I get the urge to write something softer, and the cool thing is that you can do that and it still makes sense with the character. My preference for his forms vary often too.

Even when I tried to focus on other characters, I found myself returning to Raphael, because those other characters were often too fleshed out canon-wise. It quickly bores me because then there is a limit to what you can do with them.

There is a lot to Raphael and he’s like a glob of clay. You can mold him into whatever you like.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

#shitpost #raphael bg3 #raphael the cambion #bg3 raphael #baldur's gate 3 #bg3

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laserbobcat · 1 month ago

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Soap box moment but bad world building triggers me, I'm annoying like that.

No shade to people who like these tropes as is, I don't want to shit on your porn with plot, and I believe in well tagged free from judgment content. Policing what people draw or write is step 1 to puritanism and other pleasantries like whole works getting deleted and all lgbt content being bagged in with all that. Fiction is a great way to explore and get things out of your system, and the line between what's acceptable and what's not is too easy to move further and further until it's only squeaky clean right wing approved content. Just don't interact with people you think are weirdos that you don't agree with and keep moving. They're just writing weird shit in their little corner, and you are someone's weirdo in your little corner, you wouldn't want people to barge in and shame you to stop because you're a problem to society. Don't create a line at all. Idk we have bigger problems, like all these motherfuckers who actively go out of their way to interact with as much people as possible and actually changing mentalities IRL with shit like "women should be in the kitchen and men can't help themselves and black people are always angry and the lgbt are annoying they're so out there, subscribe for more wisdom"

ANYWAY

Talking about furry sex and leshycat "lore" stuff :3 It's LONG, I'm way too talkative.

Heats: yeah that's all hot and fun, "Oh no shit happened and now we have to deal with the awkwardness. In my defense you jumped on me and I was a bit drunk. No I'm not angry at you. Idk, do you like movies, do you want to see Fast and Furious 27 with me friday?"

BUT LIKE if most of your characters work like that, your society should be entirely different. Ours work with our biology in mind, which is "Let's assume people are horny all the time and show naked women to sell yogurt" or "There's no such thing as "I couldn't help myself" go to jail" (in theory I mean, not talking about how society fails us you know)

Fun fact, I read LeGuin's book The Left Hand Of The Night before I was terminally online and learned the hilarious unholy existence of ABO and stuff, I'm already picky with worlbuilding and this one definitely upped my standards really high. It's a book about bringing a instantaneous communication technology to another planet, it's really cool. Love this series. People on this planet have the particularity of being sexless unless they're going through a heat cycle. It's very casual, it's just how people work. There's places you can go to get it out of your system and whole different social norms around that. The "Oops I'm stuck with someone while in heat that's embarrassing" thing is there too lol. There's no sexual scenes in it though. The hero is a regular human and it's interesting to see how the two protagonists see each other. Good, book, high recommend.

Love how I'm told ABO and these kind of animal instinct based work are either rough kinky porn with maybe plot, or super detailed commentary about society and the way we view sex, so funny. I like the furry tropes way more because there's no nonsensical anatomy and butt babies. Please no butt babies.

But while I like the chaos that SuperHornyForaWhile™ brings to relationships, I am extremely triggered by lack of consent. It's up to you to change whatever you don't like with tropes, I just make the whole thing softer by taking the "out of control" aspect out. Yes they are desperately horny but no they don't completely lose it. Someone in heat would feel like seeing your super hot coworker tits out "Well great, I'm gonna have to do all their work alone this week while they're at home AND I have a boner now. Fml."

Casual sex is way more common. Though there's a lot of social rules about carefully treading around this to make sure there's no pressure or regrets later. The power of communication. Almost everyone has some embarrassing stories to tell about the subject too, they come out when drunk and oversharing to make everyone laugh.

Maybe monogamy is thrown out the window more often than not "Oh my god I just want to netflix and chill, I don't have the energy for that today, go fuck the neighbor you have my blessing. Tell them to give me back my tupperware by the way."

Everyone has grandma tips and tricks to ease down the whole thing when you just want to wait it out. Most of those tips and tricks are hearsay bullshit, but everyone knows the ones that legit work. Some people don't experience heats at all. And they tend to change depending on age and mental and emotional state.

And like, it's fun to play with the differences between different animals and their perception of the world. Some of them know when there will be an earthquake, or what's the weather will be for the week. Some of them can tell what you ate yesterday by smell alone, and who you interacted with this morning. Again, social rules around that to respect people's privacy.

But the comedy potential. I mean I've seen a lot of it already and I'm never tired of it. "Why do you smell like you slept with that person you say you hate." "Why do you smell like they specifically rubbed on you possessively." "Are you ok? Do you want me to kill them? No?" chef's kiss. Poetic cinema.

Back to Morgan and Leshy

Morgan's well known to be 100% not interested in anything, people think he's legit aroace. Man's so repressed and emotionally unavailable that he's not even horny anymore these days, no more heats. It comes out as aggression, which he has to take out on random monsters in Darkwood. "Morgan's so brave and useful by going on missionary trips regularly" yeah no, he needs that to stay so sweet and polite the rest of the time. Thena teases that it would be easier and less dangerous to just jump someone from time to time and he DoesNotHear. I drew that here btw. Since Leshy's arrival, he gets a lot of steam out by punching each other on the regular. Despite the Denial™, feelings grow and the bottled up drives start to act out. He's incredibly confused about why his body started doing the whole cycle thing again. Very inconvenient, very annoying. No explanation for it whatsoever. Complete mystery. Now he's missing work days too, great.

Leshy has the strongest sense of smell of the whole cult, and did not get the memo about the whole social rules things. He doesn't really care what people do, but he does not really care about their feelings either. "Of course you're moody and nauseous, you're pregnant. What do you mean you didn't know, your scent changed two weeks ago. What do you mean I'm not supposed to say that out loud in front of everyone. What does invasive means, like the plants?" Animals with good sense of smell are very useful to doctors, since they detect a lot of things, but Leshy is the worst person imaginable in terms of communicating it. He finally learns to shut the fuck up though, and when he senses something weird he goes to snitch to the head healer Ilona. Some very perceptive people notice when he barges into the healing tent, talk to her for a while and leave, and then someone's called in for a "random health check up" and ends up with a treatment. Drew that here. Leshy 100% keeps tracks of what his brother is doing and absolutely makes fun of him whenever he smells a bit too much like "The annoying lamb and their annoying spouses." He notices when his brother isolates himself (Ew disgusting, brothers can't have hormones) and he absolutely knows what happened when he eventually comes back to society very relaxed, and still smelling like the trio under all the soap he used to try and hide it. "Woah finally, I hope they weren't too disappointed, I mean it's not like you would be enough for one person, imagine three lol" and there goes the fighting. Cain instinct. Now, about Morgan. There's no denial from Leshy at all, he's been down bad for the cat almost from the beginning. The dumb factor here is "I will not make a move, like, ever" because what if Morgan doesn't want him around anymore, like when he breaks something, but permanently. The horror. It's not that bad since they spend a lot of time together and he doesn't want to date anybody, so at least Leshy doesn't have to kill anyone. Great news. Except that one time when this cute stoat hit on the cat and gave him a hug and was a bit difficult to get rid of, and Leshy had to tackle and wrestle him until the scent was gone. He got his ass kicked but it was worth it, and it's not like he's not asking for it anyway. (I need to draw that) Morgan in heat is HELL. Absolutely impossible to ignore. He has to keep constantly busy/distracted the whole time to resist just knocking on his door -or knocking the door down really. The angel vs demon war in his head is particularly funny because they both argue for and against making a move alternatively but for different reasons. The sanity is gone. Burrowing 20 feet underground and breaking rocks down with his teeth helps.

That was long I talk too much.

#blabla #lore

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ihaveforgortoomany · 2 months ago

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Critique of 2.6's story as a main story chapter

(I've been holding this back since CN release because I hoped Global would change my mind, but with translations out little has done to change it)

This will be a critique of 2.6's execution of story, its character writing and narrative structure, how it is largely style and literary references over substance, and finally how the nature of the patch as a main story serves as its detriment for the 2.0 series. I do think the premise and concept for the patch are interesting, especially themes around madness and literature, in general replaying the patch in Global did make me like Recoleta a little bit. However I think the way characters, pacing and story have been written ultimately are a disservice to said themes, and alot of my critique is based on treating 2.6 as an arc in an overarching story of the 2.0 series.

(Disclaimer: this is my thoughts over the patch, and I am not pry to all the literary references present inside the story, however I believe a strength of Bluepoch has been to approach complex topics in a way that someone with or without context to references can grasp overarching themes and characters in a story, something that is not present here in Chapter 9, but are present in Chapters 5 and 6).

Main issues with 2.6's story for me

Pacing and Structure

I would argue the patch suffers from terrible pacing, not only does this patch have a shortened length ---, pacing often feels clunky and often comes to a complete stop at some times. We spend a large section of the patch staring at two characters speak conjecture and jargon for extended periods of time with few and far inbetween battle sections to break it up. Pacing is especially suffering in the Urd sections; not only are they unvoiced for some reason, but pacing comes to a complete stop or interrupts the flow of the A Plot with Vertin.

The patch's story is organised like this - the A plot with Vertin and Sonetto alongside Recoleta exploring the] Prison, with the B plot following Urd's experiences in the Prison in 'The Weaving of the Shadows'. The execution of the parallel narratives for me felt like the story would grind to a complete stop, moment your following Vertin in the prison with Recoleta, then pulled back to Urd's section acting as exposition and greater context of the Prison. It feels as if Urd's sections could have been their own section, an anecdote or even a similar case to 2.4 with Ulrich's character story - however structurality it feels like Urd's sections are used to keep the chapter count low and provide context of the prison that really should be present in the A plot.

The patch is the shortest post-release main story chapter at only 20 parts, (Im not counting Prologue to Chapter 4 since once released all at once) it spends from p1 to p12 entering the prison, exploring how it works and how fundmentally this was another means of oppressing arcanists - writers and artists locked up under the guise of being 'criminals'. However the moment the story shifts to the central tower and towards solely Aleph and Recoleta, it feels the story built around the prisoners and how their are exploited and mistreated by the world around them becomes pointless. Aleph and Recoleta's joint story ultimately downplays the suffering of these people so much that until Garcia appears in Aleph's room, you likely forgot about these characters entirely.

Style over Substance - tell than show

Which leads to another major issue of this story - this style over substence feels like TELL over showing. How is this done? The numerous literary references the story hangs over the players that they HAVE to understand to 'get' the story; the implication that the story feels vague and messy because "oh you were not aware of viseral realism? Foucalt or Borges? Too bad you won't understand the story!".

Recoleta suffers from this issue of TELL than SHOW that for me, quickly diminished my interest in her as a character: constantly she makes literary references to character tropes and conventions in storytelling that feel forced and clunky. Her character as a writer is communicated by TELLING you over and over "oh hey thats foreshadowing! Yk, because Im writing a novel you see?", alot of her dialogue feels like her citings definitions and tropes and stories that don't explore her character beyond the archtype of a 'ambious writer who often doesn't listen to others'. And this isn't to argue that Recoleta needed to have a drastic breakdown or 180 of her personality, its instead that her character from point A to point B, start and end of the patch does not learn, change or progress in any meaningful way. The plot reveal with she is a ghost, a construct from an unfinished novel then feels hollow, and the quick recovery from her near 'death' experience is over so quickly the impact is not there. The story has to TELL you she made friends with Sonetto and Vertin, rather than showing any genuine connection, often times you constantly watch Sonetto and Recoleta disagree and argue.

Her 'friendship' to Sonetto and Vertin is extremely weak and arguably non-existent, the dynamic between them feels extremely unatural especially since Sonetto and Vertin in this patch become walking signposts of expostion and lore; their lack of reaction to the events of Comala and much of their screentime is spent reminding you this is a main story. This can be highlighted in the part where Recoleta explains her novel 'The Rise and Fall of Sanity' - here characters talk AT each other than WITH each other, Vertin flips between either extremely apprehensive to weirdly accepting of Recoleta's novel throughout the patch. Her responses and reactions are reduced to simply accknowledging what Recoleta says, before promptly shifting the conversation to something else entirely. This is the dynamic of the three for the whole patch written as 'friendship'.

Moreover, Bluepoch have shown in the past they can tell compelling narratives with complex concepts - see 1.4 and 1.7: those patches were completely understandable and equally enjoyable to anyone not similar to mathematics or operas/ the play of Tosca. These patches organically introduced the audience to see these ideas in tandem with its characters in a way that the characters shine first and foremost: you don't need to understand Freud or his concepts to grasp Kakania, or have an indepth understanding of Tosca. The story is able to stand on its own with the references serving to enhance the story. In the case of 2.6, the entire backbone and forefront of its story is entirely based on these literary references and jargon that characters ultimately fall flat without them. Recoleta's character cannot stand without the inspirations to her character and the literary references - she embodies the "ghost that can only exist the story" to a detrimental degree.

Any time the story gets remotely close to explaining the ideas it presents, either another completely different idea is introduced, or especially in the case of the Idealist proceed to bombard you with even more literary jargon. In the case of 1.5, the mathematics explored ties into the system of Aperion, but equally is used to explore 37, Sophia and 6's connection to each other and crucially ties to the Storm Immunity Ritual - however in 2.6 retaining anything the Idealist, Octavia or really anyone in the prison is meaningless and its quickly discarded by the end of the patch.

In general, 2.6 presents ideas around Viseral Realism and the Latin American Literary Movement but does not attempt to explore them in greater depth or explain to the player - I believe the confusion many players have been feeling in not understanding the story stems from a central issue this patch has putting knowledge of context and reference foremost than the actual story and characters. Once again, I have no issue with the ideas presented, I have in issue in HOW they were and the LACK of diagetically explaining these ideas.

This is a main story chapter

Argubly, this patch being a main story feels like an afterthought: the inclusion of Urd's sections as not an anecdote but intercut unvoiced cutscenes, the the gimicky and ultimately useless inclusion of the Comala Die as one of the five objects mentioned in 2.5 and the boat at the end leads to me seeing the patch as originally a event patch, but changed to a main story (speculation this part, but it feels it should have been 2.4 as the main story patch and not this one).

In isolation, if this was an event story I wouldn't be as critical of the writing and characters: however the fact that this is the progression of the 2.0 main story and the prelude to 2.8 the finale of 2.0 series makes this patch worse. In what way you ask? The fact that so little impact and information provided by this patch means it is easy to just skip this patch with the most vital information provided being from 2.4 especially. The patch provides little to no critcial information about the ritual happening in Antarctica, anything on Urd that couldn't be guessed by the player already or anything on the Manus activities. Rather the patch invalidates its own reason to be a main story patch - it doesn't take you long for the story to tell you there is not reason for Vertin or Sonetto to be there. Urd had already left for Antractica, the Manus sans Diggers have abandoned the prison because the Die of Komala no longer was important - leaving the sole plot of the patch resolving around Recoleta and Aleph being penpals and the eventual burning of the Prison.

Vertin and Sonetto are non existent in the patch as well, there relevance to the plot fades almost to npcs and bystanders to Recoleta and Aleph despite once again being a main story patch focused on Vertin finding Urd - already this is the second insistence of the two being sidelined in the plot by patch characters. While the focus playables should be given the forefront of screen time of focus in a patch, the problem with 2.6 is that Vertin and Sonetto almost COMPLETELY disappear into the background so much that hearing a single line from them reminds you oh yeah this is a main story patch.

Their characters also suffer as well, despite the earlier connection Sonetto and Recoleta share before entering the Prison over poetry, this connection is never expanded upon or even addressed again because the story shifts gears and becomes purely focused on telling and reminding you Recoleta is a writer and her penpal Aleph is somewhere in the Prison. Alot of points, especially in the cell when Recoleta tells Vertin and Sonetto about her novel the dialogue feels forced, character are talking AT each other and WITH each other. It rarely feels like the trio have any chemistry outside of being a method of exposition of Recoleta's novel.

Alot of my interest in Vertin as MC has not her agency in the story and motivations that carry through each patch, however this is not the case here. Vertin barely speaks unless it is to provide exposition and to move the plot from point A to point B - you would effect a character who spent their childhood treated as an outcast by her peers, often sent into the guardhouse and constantly told to conform would have any opinion on the state of the Prison's systems, but no. Vertin becomes reduced to an NPC in the background pushing the plot forward. Chapter 9 could have easily been used similar to 2.1 Tuesday's motel exploring Vertin's fears, here it could have explored the ramifications of her being a black sheep of SPDM that could mirror treatment of the arcanists in the Prison. Instead over time in the patch Vertin starts to feel like a movement from Point A to Point B.

Urd's sections had the potential to explore her character and potentially give vital lore information about her - instead her sections become extremely pace breaking with the lack of voicing. In a patch that already spends much of its time in the same rooms and hallways with characters purely talking to each other, her sections drag out the runtime to only confirm to the players that Urd had already leave the prison for Antarctica. Despite being sections seemingly dedicated to her, Urd feels like an afterthough in these sections, more designated to flesh out the characters and community in Comala and to some degree this works in exploring Octavia's change and eventual opposition to the Idealist.

Moment in the final volume of Urd's the culminates in the fracturing between Octavia and Idealist, and Urd challenging the perverse nature of the Die as fate was so fascinating ... and then it ends. This patch has a trend of introducing concepts but ultimately stops itself from exploring it further once again, reinforcing that feeling of an afterthought. This is more apparent because these sections feel connected but so removed at the same time as we the players once Urd's section is over, understand and may sympathise with Octavia, but ultimately this goes nowhere since Vertin and Sonetto have no way of knowing what happened between Urd and Octavia .

I don't like the idea that because viseral realism does have the central concept of "taking life as it is" therefore everything should be taken almost at surface value and not beyond, this must extend to everything in this patch as well. Telling us ultimately us not exploring the prisoners, the Jailer, Aleph and Recoleta is intentional feels like shallow writing because this is a MAIN story patch, meant to be an arc in a larger overarching story that progresses the plot. All this patch has done over and over tell you the player that nothing can be gleaned from it.

The ending revelation that Recoleta's conversation with Urd wasn't Urd going to Comala, but instead it was her leaving to Antractica - communicating to the player had Vertin not run into Recoleta, the whole plot of the patch likely would not have happened. Even worse when you realise the only importance of the patch was Aleph's boat in all seriousness.

The situation looks worse if you consider the experience of a newcomer, it will take a year for the 2.0 event patches to be archived and rerun so only 2.2 and 2.6 and 2.8 might be their only exposure to the 2.0 series, and that is alot of missing context and lore that 2.6 simply does not provide.

I argue that the concept and premise of the story is fascinating: exploring the nature of literature to madness, the premise giving the potential to explore the suffering, oppression and mistreatment of arcanists and overall mental health. However I feel this story struggles between reconciling it being a main story patch and not an event, juggling concepts around viseral realism and Latin American literary movements that it fails to explain to players by using to simply throw them into the deep end that the narrative and characters feel less in quality.

Extra thoughts

What about the character stories? You have to read them to understand Recoleta and Aleph! - I disagree with this take, character stories just like the references serve to enhance the narrative of the patch, be places to provide and explore more context to a character's wants and needs already present in the main story but give a separate or new angle to view the character, 2.5 Noire's and Liang's stories highlight this. Back to 1.6 - Isolde's character story for example is argubly not vital to understanding her character, the main story of Chapter 6 explores her extremely well. Her character story therefore serves to enhance that understanding through the context of her family already alluded to in main story. It should be a place introducing new contexts and not an attempt to salvage their character.

I also take issue with how Aleph's actions as the overseer of Comala are not addressed for the implications and sufferings they caused the prisoners of Comala: the story's central conflict argues how the prisoners are all arcanist ostracized and cast out by society unjustly into this prison and labelled as insane and as criminals. The story establishes how Aleph, via The Idealist and The Physician effectively exploited the population, conducted experiments including lobotomies yet the story ultimately brushes everything under the rug because of course nothing matters but the boat and his friendship with Recoleta.

I'd argue the blame is constantly shifted towards the arcanists instead of Aleph the human: "Its the Manus interference", "its the Idealist and Merlin", "Its Octavia's fault (she constantly is antagonised by the story as being the only one early on speaking out against the Idealist) and landing on "its Recoleta's fault and her novel". The patch seemingly tries to create sympathy for Aleph by suggesting his desire to seek the "transcendental truth" went out of his control alongside external factors caused what happened in Comala; avoiding any and all acknowledgement that he was to the highest degree responsible for most of the suffering but this is immediately swept away to focus on Recoleta and his' friendship and suddenly "I have a boat", we leave a burning Comala and barely indication is given that his actions are address thereafter.

Conclusion

In conclusion - I don't like 2.6. I gave it a second shot in Global because of how much unvoiced dialogue was present in CN, and I will argue Global made me dislike Recoleta less, for me, interesting concept and really fascinating reveal that ultimately fell flat because of how exactly she was in the story. But I do think the story, even if it was event or main story overall is one of the weakest in the game for me so far.

(Im feel free to ask me about patch, I am curious about how people see this patch if you want to discuss)

#reverse 1999 #r1999 #forgor remembered #i dont like 2.6 #2.6 discussion #2.6 spoilers #my very long reason why #sorry but yeahhh nothings gonna change me on aleph i think #recoleta i guess i dont mind you now #just a little bit #i need a meme or badge #“I beat 2.6 and all I got was a lousy boat”

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thinking-through-some-things · 7 months ago

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What do you mean by the women from epic the musical was poorly handled? Can you explain? I’m interested bc I thought that too

ho boy, let's see.

there's definitely a general feminist critique to be had about how few women are in the musical and how small their parts are. obviously i realize the musical primarily follows the leading man and his male crew because that's just how the odyssey works. but it's still a conversation worth having, especially since there are ways to make the existing female characters better. the decision to base this on the odyssey is still a choice.

i don't have much to say about most of the monsters/goddesses. aeolus and scylla are fine. circe is okay, and she actually gets a few songs. personally i think god games should just be cut entirely; it's just athena justifying everything odysseus has done. hera is fine. i don't like how athena stops talking to aphrodite once ares shows up; the line that convinces her is "tell your lover that a broken heart can mend," which is directed at ares.

not mentioning anticlea until she's already dead means her death doesn't really have the weight it should. he's desperate to get back to penelope and telemachus, so it just feels like he forgot about his mom, which makes that tragedy feel a little unearned. he should be just as concerned to get back to her as he is the other two, which means he should mention her whenever he sings about them in the first act. then it would actually matter more when we find out she's dead.

the rest is under a read more because i wrote a lot about athena, and because i need to give a trigger warning for sexual assault for my other points.

athena is clearly the strongest female character and is positioned to be a foil to odysseus. that being said, i didn't really follow her shift in philosophy - going back to look at the lyrics it's because she blames herself for teaching him to be cruel? the goodbye at the start is weird - she's mad at him for not being ruthless, but really the problem is that he's arrogant - which is still something she could chastise him for. idk. either way i don't think her evolution was explored well at all - she basically just changes her mind because she misses him, not because she has actually seen anything to suggest mercy is good. and it's weird that she's only at the beginning, in the wisdom saga, and at the very end. her stuff isn't terrible, but it needs to be better distributed throughout the musical so there can be an evolution. give her one more song towards the end of act one, break up the wisdom saga so her story feels like it's part of the musical instead of a weird distraction in the middle, and actually show us why she starts to think mercy is good. as is her character is too reliant on odysseus in a way that really hurts that the story. bringing up telemachus earlier and exploring that relationship, or penelope and ithica, gives you a chance for athena to see something that helps her change her mind. (i have more to say about her story but that's just about fixing the plot. i think i've made my point here.

okay trigger warning for real.

calypso is really weirdly done. she has one song where she's pressuring him to be with her, and then a song where she refuses to apologize for "unrequited love" or something. odysseus is upset with her and struggling with ptsd in the first song, and then says he loves her in the second. it feels like the musical wants you to have an overall favorable impression of her. there's a lot of discussion about whether or not this is a case of sexual assault in the fandom posts i've seen, but i don't think that's something the musical is discussing. if anything, it takes the stance that it isn't, at least in this version, and that calypso is just some sad girl who wants to be loved. that being said, i've seen some pretty disgusting hatred directed towards calypso in those posts - not clear if it's for the original version, this one, or if there's any difference. either way, the musical needs to decide if calypso is bad/problematic or if she's good/misunderstood, and both of her songs need rewriting. (there's also something to be said about her being the only visibly black female character, but i don't know much about the actual actors for the musical so i'll leave this be for now. but that did stick out to me while watching the animatics.)

i have very mixed opinions about the sirens. the imagery of a group of men standing over and brutalizing a group of women as they beg for their lives was pretty heavy. i don't hate it - it very much sells the idea that the men have become monsters. however, it really bothers me that it basically just. happens. and then we move on. odysseus agonizes over so many choices, but this one seems like it was easy for him, and he doesn't suffer any guilt over it. no one challenges it. so overall it just comes off as a reason to brutalize women, which leaves a sour taste in my mouth. i wish we'd at least get pushback from some of the crew so there's at least some conversation about how maybe this isn't 100% justified. instead, the only mention of the sirens is in god games, where... apollo gives a half-hearted argument about how the sirens sing catchy songs. the other gods at least have a point. and with all of this, athena's retort just feels very victim-blame-y to me. overall, i think there's a way to keep the stuff with the sirens in - but there needs to be more delicacy in how the whole thing is handled.

and finally, penelope. she's probably the worst-written female character in the musical. she exists to 1) be odysseus's motivation/prize, and 2) assure odysseus that he's actually a good person and sure, every terrible thing he did was totally fine, no issue. her first song, which isn't until the last saga, just 1) tells us she's sad, and 2) gives us odyssey plot. the challenge doesn't really do anything to the musical's plot, so you might as well cut it. and her only other song is the finale, where she assures odysseus she loves him and never doubted him and she has no qualms over anything he did because she's a Strong Woman so she still loves him unconditionally. also the bit about the bed is confusing. it's clearly only in there because of the odyssey, and it makes no sense for the musical. penelope has no character in this musical.

(i acknowledge this is a bit hypocritical, but i would actually cut the actual penelope out of the musical. the mentions and cameos of odysseus's idea of her, and the bit with the sirens, can stay, but actual penelope never shows up. i would lean into the idea of her being his prize in a way that leaves you a little unsettled. but also i think odysseus should be the bad guy in the end, so.)

and finally, i hate the decision to introduce the threat of the suitors gang-raping penelope. we already know the suitors aren't great. they're demanding penelope marry one of them. they beat up the kid. there's no need to evoke such a graphic image; i felt sick the first time i heard it, and i don't even have experience with/trauma related to sexual assault. the only point of this song is to justify odysseus slaughtering the suitors, because actually they're all terrible, horrible people. which again just weakens the idea that odyssseus is some kind of monster, because this very intentionally makes him look like a hero. between the decision to downplay the idea of circe or calypso sexually assaulting odysseus (both interpretations popular in what fandom posts i have seen) alongside the brutal violence perpetrated against the sirens and the intentional addition of a whole song about gang-raping penelope, the musical has an uncomfortable focus on violence against women. it's gratuitous and serves no purpose.

#epic the musical critical #anti epic the musical

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sugarcubesandinsanity · 17 days ago

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I love your self aware phainon writings, I love the selfaware trope, it's so good... and then APPLYING IT TO PHAINON???? Got me running laps around my room and tearing at the wallpaper... also it just makes the fact I pulled phainon in my first ten pull for him all the sweeter LALALALALALAL HEHEHEUEHAHEHEHEHEHHiLOVE BEING CRINGE AND DELUSIONAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry im crazy about him if you can't tell.

I do feel bad for the other characters who also have to deal with the nonsense of not just eachother but the player and phainon. Although I do wonder how they take the whole "Ah jeez our lives are a game...?"

I know some characters are already written to be already aware of being in a game, example first comes to mind being Silver Wolf.

I can see Phainon being naturally selfaware when the storyline of Amphoreus is taken into consideration. If things do play out okay for the Amphoreus crew and they end up getting to explore the universe, I feel like they would probably notice out of place things that feel oddly similar to Amphoreus and start making connections in realizing the universe might also be artificial like their home. Like, I know Anaxagoras would DEFINITELY notice and be like "you have to be shitting me rn..."

oh my oh my thank you for loving the series anon !! ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ഒ🤍 i use to play otome games and whenever one of the characters were self aware that they were in a game, i fold so fast. so ofc i had to apply the trope to our favourite sunshine boy >_<

your phainon truly adores you anon sigh.. i wish my phainon was as generous as yours "( – ⌓ – )

we are ALL crazy for this silly dude anon i feel u twin ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

the characters... are doing their best to cope with the gravity of the situation. the older units have fully accepted it and helps the newer releases with accepting the change. so it doesn't really help whenever phainon is reading love sonnets about you (castorice wrote them) every tuesday morning. yes believe it or not, phainon has a timetable he follows to profess his devotion to you. sunday has already prepared noise cancellation earbuds whenever he sees phainon within a 5 mile radius. (ena bless his dear sister for the gift.)

i did answer a similar question in a previous ask but you are right on the money for some characters already knowing the truth !! most prominent of them all are the genius society members, the stellaron hunters and the luofu generals. (the generals mainly just have a hunch though.)

okay i have a confession to make... gulps... i haven't started a second of the amphoreus storyline at all. OKAY GUYS BEFORE YOU BOO ME, i have my reasons!!! (im lazy and is waiting for all EN vas to return)

i do like your take on the self aware! au ദ്ദി◝ ⩊ ◜.ᐟ i could never have thought of that since my knowledge of the story is based off tiktoks and cutscenes only GAHHAHAHAA i remember anaxa was the one who figured out amphoreus's true nature was a simulation i believe!! so yeah if anaxa has a nickel everytime he thought the world was a simulation, he'd have two nickels...

#🔆 self aware au!#( • ̀ω•́ )✧ tea time w/ sugar !!#જ⁀➴ one cube or two ?#i told yall #- anaxa prolly #i love writing sunday in pain from phainons yapping #why this 🕊️ so mad #- phainon #ty for the ask anon hehe

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asmallmoon333 · 1 year ago

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Another Death Note AU I love to think about: Fem!Light x Male!L.

I adore these two in any form, but the potential of this dynamic in particular had me thinking plots that had my brain noodles excited since way back when I was in the middle of writing Time Speaks.

Now, L's gender wouldn't change anything about him, not really, but Light? Oh, it would be a whole new act for her to put on. And with L still male, it ensures it's not just a repeat of canon, but a whole new exploration of their characters, their dynamic, and the world they live in.

So in this AU, we have a Light Yagami who grew up in a society that told her she was lesser. That implied her gender was predictive of her place and abilities. But she wouldn't actually have a lot of anger about her gender I feel, since that goes against her natural feelings of superiority based on her intellect, so she'd just see it as the world being wrong as usual (rotten, if you will). She would look down on men for how easy they were to manipulate; not that anyone else would ever see these thoughts. Except Sayu, who Light raises with care.

Now, while said world would make it harder for her to rise up, Light is someone who gets what she wants and thrives on a challenge. She would use gender as her stepping stone, playing the "good girl" role to perfection.

And she'd be so very good at it. A much better manipulator than male Light.

Now, when she gets the Death Note, the story goes about the same at the start because Light Yagami is Light Yagami regardless.

Then in comes L, the first person who bested her, the first person she hates, and the plot changes. L is the only person, the only man, who looks at her and sees Kira. The only man who is deadpanned and blank to her "good girl" act and meets her provocation for provocation. Infuriating her every time they meet simply by being as smart as she is. By looking at her pointedly crossed arms, at her 'casual' forward-leaning posture, at her inviting smile--and blandly asking if her back hurts like his sometimes does.

How dare he.

How dare he see and value and fear her for her intelligence? He is certain she is Kira despite how aghast every other man and woman in her life is about the very idea of it.

They call L mad. Sexist. He ignores them and insists he's right, that no one else could be Kira but Light. That she's perfect.

And Light? She hates him for seeing through her. He scares her right back.

But she also can't stop herself from craving the acknowledgement.

The game between them would be so different and yet just as complicated this time, because while the two of them don't care about gender, they know this about each other, the rest of the world is not at their level and can't stop their bias about it. And Light uses that to her advantage; Kira will use any shield.

While L will do his best to strip her bare of all her lies.

So Light plays with the world's perceptions of womanhood in her war against L, using her 'weak' gender and 'need for protection' to manipulate the police against him. While L continues to pursue his Kira with a single-minded focus and certainty. He knows it's her.

But now he has to work even harder to prove it because no one is willing to listen to him. He has no proof, and in this universe, that means a lot more to the task force.

Light is smug about this, internally of course. She sweetly tells him to give up and start looking for the 'real' Kira.

L blinks at her and says he'll give up when she stops being a serial killer.

Light hates him.

But she also can't stop thinking about him. She can't stop revelling in how he sees her like no one else was ever willing to. And she eventually decides that she'll get him to give into her too, like she's gotten everyone else in her life. She'll make him admit he wants her, too. That he's human just like they all are, that he has feelings. (Just like she does).

She'll give him her attention in a way no one else has ever deserved. And L better appreciate it.

And after that? She'll kill him, of course.

She's Kira. She's pitiless. She plays to win.

But she might as well...enjoy L while he's here.

He's the only one she'd ever want to have in that way.

As for L? Well he's more than willing to play along, in any and all ways Light wants. He's seen her from the start, seen Kira behind her sweet smile, and he's entranced by her as always. He'd want her in any form, and gender is just one more tool of the brilliant mind he'll always be obsessed with, in any universe.

And he's absolutely thrilled at this game.

So, yeah!! I love this AU and one day, I'll write it, but for now thank you to the amazing artist @thanatelle who inspired these current thoughts! His work is so good <3

Fem!Light and Male!L are so very fun.

#death note #light yagami #l lawliet #lawlight #Fem!Light Yagami

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harukamitsuki · 9 months ago

Text

(spoilers ahead)

honestly, i think one of my biggest issues with my hero is how horikoshi is really good at setting things up, but fails in the execution of basically anything and everything. especially when everyone wants to see it prosper.

a world where everyone has quirks, except for our main character, who strives to be a hero despite that

the number two hero is anything but when behind closed doors.

the number one hero comes off as endlessly joyful, yet is more tired than anything

a world where your worth is based on your quirk

a world that is so obssessed with heroes that hidden crimes are just forgotten

a boy who was so hurt that he could only hurt in turn

a girl who was so restricted that she can't understand personal space

a boy who was neglected for being weak so he strives to become stronger and in turn only hurts himself more

a boy hated simply for looking different so he rejects the world for the world rejects him

and a boy hurt by everyone around him, but uses that to make the world a kinder place.

all of this is present within mha, but none of it is expanded on, or if it was, it felt like lip-service at best, and downright insulting at worst.

the powerless mc gets an incredibly powerful quirk and forgets he was ever quirkless.

the number two hero is abusive but it's totally okay because he regrets it and his abusive scenes are treated lightly later on

the number one hero goes back to his old ways when he finally gets a chance to be himself

there is no commentary on quirkless discrimination, and we barely see the impacts of having a 'weak' quirk

hidden crimes are explored, but there isn't anything regarding how the future generation will solve this issue

that boy who could only hurt after he was hurt so much? yeah he dies despite the mc wanting to save him so desperately, and there is no satisfaction in it. because he still didn't want to be saved

that girl who was so restricted that she couldn't understand personal space and boundaries? yeah, she never learns what they are, and nobody directly calls her out on this

that boy who was so neglected for being weak and only hurts himself the stronger he strives to become? well, it's actually his fault because he couldn't forgive his abusive father. his misplaced envy towards his abused brother is never delved into

that boy who rejected the world that hated him for being born? yeah, he's never shown any kindness from the people who should be showing it. instead, he's taken down while he's lost his mind and becomes a massive hypocrite

that boy who was hurt by everyone around him yet still wants to save others? yeah, he's still being hurt by everyone around him and is never praised for helping people, only scolded by others. he loses everything and isn't even allowed to work for it again.

the set-up for everything is so good, but the pay-off and the execution is just not.

i feel like horikoshi was winging it half of the time, hence why he forgot about the traitor plot point. something fans were speculating about for years, horikoshi just forgot. it's like - he set it up as early as the usj, forgot to build up aoyama's character, and speedran it. because of this, it didn't feel earned.

'you can still be a hero,' does not feel earned at all. why should we care about aoyama when the creator himself doesn't? the traitor could have been anyone, and it wouldn't have changed a thing, because the set-up was gone. by the time he'd remembered there was a traitor, everyone else forgot about it.

the same goes for the deaths.

i've seen people commend mha for killing people off, but, the things is, do we really care about who was killed off?

nighteye? he was a dick, and it was clear horikoshi was trying to do a whole 'redemption in death' thing, but let's be honest. we only care about the impact it had on mirio, which wasn't even much. it could have been anyone. nighteye surviving wouldn't have changed anything.

midnight? we did not spend nearly enough time with her to give two shits about her death. maybe if she were 1-a's homeroom teacher, as was originally planned, it may have meant more. as it was, who cared? she didn't even die on-screen. it could have been anyone.

native? i don't even need to explain. nobody cared.

star and stripe? did anyone really get attached to female all might? no, because there were no dimensions to her.

stain? what did his death serve? what would have changed if he survived? nothing

like, if you kill someone off, it has to mean something. what was learned by nighteye's death? heroes die? we learned that ages ago with the water hose heroes, and with stain's mini-arc. maybe it was to show, yeah, we're not afraid of killing people off.

but it didn't mean anything! at least have nighteye learn something. make it a proper tragedy - maybe he wants to apologise to all might but all might arrives too late. maybe he finally acknowledges that it was never his right to dictate who gets ofa and really apologises to izuku. maybe he can't even say goodbye to mirio.

maybe, in trying to do something, his sacrifice means nothing... until, when he's already dead, it's revealed that it did.

killing a character off to show how serious you're getting is fine... if it weren't already clear that it was serious.

people say killing off so many was mha being realistic, but they don't understand two things.

one: if you want to be realistic, kill someone off in the usj, because a bunch of kids just starting school should not be able to hold off against actual villain. if you want to be realistic, have the kids be shoved into counselling after the usj. if you want to be realistic, have aizawa die against the noumu. that's realistic

two: NOBODY GOES TO ANIME FOR REALISM!! seriously, if you want realism, go watch an indie movie or something. not anime, where everything is drawn and people have superpowers and tripping over means you accidentally grope someone.

the thing about killing characters off is that it has to mean something to both the characters and the audience. if we do not care if a character dies, it does not need to be there.

example: (spoilers for one piece ig) whitebeard from one piece. even now, people still quote his dying message. 'the one piece is real'. both this line and his death have a massive impact in-universe, and we the audienced cared, despite the relatively short time we go to know him. his death actually mattered. had whitebeard not died in marineford, i guarantee that nothing would be the same.

fishman island wouldn't have been taken over by big mom. marco and izou would not have appeared in wano, or if they did, the entire whitebeard alliance would have shown up too. there would still be a balance in the emperors. sengoku would not have retired.

there are ripple effects from whitebeard's death, and everyone one piece fan still remembers it clearly. and the same goes for every other death in one piece: ace, bellemere, kuina, hiriluk, tom, the rumbar pirates, rojer. every death had its meaning and affects either the world as a whole or specific characters who would go onto impact the world anyway.

mha just doesn't let you care about the characters it kills off, nor do their deaths have meaning, because there isn't a pay-off.

the set-up is there. the pay-off is not.

and that, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, is my biggest issue with mha. horikoshi's execution.

#anti mha #mha critical #bnha critical #horikoshi critical #anti kohei horikoshi #anti horikoshi #fuck horikoshi #i went on a bit of tangent but you get me #hopefully #the set up is the biggest reason i read mha fanfics #because these beautiful authors take one look at the plot and execute it in such an amazing way that horikoshi could never #the fanfics are the best thing to come from mha

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witchofhimring · 7 months ago

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From Green to Blue

Chapter 1: Eren leaves you for your best friend. As you wander the cold streets of Shiganshina, you wonder were everything went wrong.

This is a rewrite of From Green to Blue that I started two years ago on my og platform @blueroses789. While the story itself has not changed the characters and their development are given more exploration.

Every chapter in this series has been based off this song. Originally I was going to base this song off "Traitor" by Olivia Rodrigo, but realized that what I had in mind for chapter one does not fit. So instead I based it off of "Reckless" by Madison Beer.

Warnings: Angst, smut, mental health issues, ptsd, pregnancy

What was the first memory of your parents? For Y/n it was a towering figure looming overhead, white walls on all sides. Your mothers face was not clear. Whether it was time or pure terror that had washed away the details was unknown. At that time your room had been mostly bare. There was little to remember except whitewalls that gave the room a sterile atmosphere. The room and your mother was left behind, but the fear never did.

The first thing you remember about Eren Yeager were his eyes. Never before had you seen such vibrant green eyes. Eyes that were bottle green like sea-glass. But it was not the colour that drew you to them, at least not completely. You thought that even if Eren's eyes were the most unappealing colour they would still be entrancing. The life those eyes held, how easy it was to read them. How those eyes lit up when he was passionate about something. It had been Eren's passion that attracted you to him. It was those eyes that drew your attention to him. You remembered the way he looked at you. How those teal eyes seemed to hold you as if you hung the moon. It gave you a feeling of euphoria that you thought would last forever. But recently, that has faded. Now all he looked at you with was indifference.

You weren’t sure when it happened. Just that one day Eren's eyes no longer looked upon you with affection. Now they observed you with a cool detachment. You wished they were filled with hate, at least if he hated you it meant something was still there.

You chalked it up to Eren having a hard time at work and his mother being sick again. It started with him being stressed, then distant. You tried talking with him, but he would blow you off. Then he would leave at all hours and not answer your calls. It was at that point that you wondered if he was seeing someone. But every time you tried to speak to him about it, you were called paranoid. That was where you were naive. Because now he only looked at her with those eyes.

They say eyes are windows to the soul. Such lofty ideas should have been dismissed by a woman with your life experience. Maybe being in a relationship had made you overly romantic. Bit by bit you saw how he stopped loving you. It killed you when he started to treat you like nothing. You tried to speak to his friends. Armin was a great help. Sometimes he came over when Eren had left to meet someone, and cook dinner. But it didn’t fix your relationship. You had tried everything from doing things for him to trying to get talk with him. You considered counseling, but he refused to go.

You stood in the doorway leading to the bathroom, watching Eren as he fixed his hair. You smiled lovingly at your boyfriend. Hopefully, you thought, he might pay you mind. “Who are you going to see?” It was 10:12 in the night, so you wondered who Eren was seeing this late at night. You two had been tense all day. Eren’s mother was sick again and had to be hospitalized. She would be fine, but it was still a stressful time for him. You did your best to support him during these times. You had learned from a young age that it was always important to be there for those you loved. 'When you stop loving someone, do not be surprised if they leave.' Your mother had said. A wretched woman you had not seen in years, but perhaps she was right. As a young girl you had sometimes lost friends. Even years later you lay awake dwelling on the past. The long lost relationships did not even matter that much to you. Those "friends" had never been truly close to you, yet it mattered all the same.

Despite this, it was becoming a bit difficult when Eren was snapping at you every minute. 'I already told you, I’m seeing a friend.' He said shortly. Your eyes closed. The fondness that they held a minute ago had left. You were tired of this. Was it so hard for him to show you one moment of kindness? It wasn’t always like this. Yes, you had your ups and downs. But there had always been a light at the end of the tunnel. Without so much as looking at you, he brushed past you. Tears brought itself to the surface. Fuck. This hurt.

Not that you didn’t continue trying. You spent hours watching videos titles to the likes of "How to get buy bf's attention" and taking no of everything. Going to your gynecologist they told you everything was alright. This was a relief as you worried something was wrong down there. Then to the dentist. Still, there was no sign of ill health or anything that might off-put someone. You knew Eren's true pain lay in his mothers illness. How badly you wanted to help it. But it was becoming so hard with his careless cruelty. You had considered discussing it with him but resolved not it. 'It would only be selfish. His mother may be dying and here you are whining.' And so silent you remained.

The next day, you had spent hours getting ready. There was no important occasion, other than your desperation to get any form of love from him. There was no detail untouched. Multiple products were used in the crusade to salvage the relationship. Soon the bathroom smelt of strawberry and vanilla. 'And you will have a scent your boyfriend will not be able to resist!' The video had said. Coming out of the shower, a message from Eren appeared on your phone.

Eren: Be home soon.

Rushing to the bedroom you put on the green slip Eren bought for you. It was expensive, but was it wrong to treat yourself every now and then? You put on a large white t-shirt over it that went down to your knees. Predictably, Eren came home in a crappy mood. Not his worst, but not great. He let you take his bag and coat, then went to sit down in the living room. 'How was your day?' You sat down beside him. 'Fine. Just busy.' Eren closed his eyes. Deciding he didn’t want to be bothered at the moment. You stood up and quickly got dinner ready. Pasta seemed simple enough, plus Eren liked it. The whole time Eren didn’t say a thing to you. Normally this wouldn’t be something to be concerned about. But Eren had been like this for a while. Dinner was a silent affair with you attempting to start a conversation every now and then. As you washed the dishes Eren went into the bedroom. You heard him speaking to someone on the phone, though you couldn’t hear what he was saying.

'Hey.' You wrapped your arms around his waist from the back. His hair was down now. Carding your fingers through his hair, you press a kiss to his temple. 'It’s late. Wanna head to bed?' Eren shrugged and allowed you to lead him inside. It was dark except for the fairy lights you liked to hang around the place. You helped Eren undress and then slipped off your dress. Eren pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, causing your heart to skip a beat. This was the most affection he had shown you in a while. 'See? He loves you.' You thought.

“I love you.” Gently you pushed him onto the bed and straddled his waist. Pressing kisses from his cheekbones to his collar, you were desperate to show your love. He had been so stressed out and you wanted him to know you loved him. Hands gripped his hips as you went lower. Eren’s hands weaved tightly in your hair as you took him into your mouth. He gave a few shallow thrusts before fucking your mouth. “Fuck.” He groaned. You didn’t like this. It wasn’t the act itself that was the problem, but Eren’s attitude. Or rather lack of it. He seemed to just be using you as no more than someone he was sleeping with. No sense of caring in him. You normally loved to get him to the point where he abandoned any politeness and just fucked you. But this was different. Before, no matter how rough, you never felt used. There was always love and afterwards he always made sure you were well. This time you felt so demeaned. At least prostitutes were payed for these services. So you just let him use you, hands painfully digging into your scalp. You just wanted approval, even at your expense. After the deed was done, he got on top of you and thrust right into you. It hurt. So you just looked up at the white ceiling, hoping to get this over with.

💔

You met Hannah during the second year of High School. To avoid your mother you joined afterschool clubs. On Mondays you attended the Business Club. Despite not sounding altogether appealing it was actually quite popular. A group, mostly girls, would talk about their business ideas. Surrounded by friends you were showing them a picture of your imagined herb business when she walked in. A shy first year, Hannah more shuffled in than walked. Back then she had been gangly and slightly awkward looking. The moment you saw she was summoned over. 'What's your name?' She replied and from that day onwards it was history. Soon the two of you were friends and went everywhere together. No longer alone, Hannah was now part of a large group.

Meeting Eren came about several years later, during the first year of University. Your only took philosophy out of a passing interest. Arriving late, he decided to sit right beside you. You had acknowledged him as handsome but had no real interest as you never spoke to him, and only saw him in class. That all changed during a class project. As he sat beside you it was the two of you together. Upon finding out Eren would be your partner you nearly burned up. He sent you a dazzling smile, damn him.

Both of you met up in one of the many libraries. It was late but thankfully the University buildings were open late. Sitting on the windowsill you watched Eren read the passage allowed. Of the two Eren was better at this subject. These sessions mostly consisted of you listening and writing things down as Eren spoke. Unlike you Eren actually went into the course knowing a thing or two about the subject. 'Existentialism. The concept of an individual pursuing their own freedom.' Eren read from the heavy textbook. Curled in you wrote it down. 'Do you think this should be our opening?' You asked. 'No. It won't make sense unless we give some context first. Maybe we should bring up a philosopher first.' You felt a bit lazy having Eren take the lead. But there was really nothing else to do about it.

'Here, take a look at this.' Moving to sit beside Eren, you looked to the page titled "To have freedom it to err". Being somewhat familiar with his works you flipped through the chapter before going back to the beginning. Fritz had been an Eldian king and philosopher in the 14th century, shortly before Eldia when from an empire to merely a kingdom. As you went through the pages you could sense animosity pouring from Eren. Concerned, and slightly alarmed, you looked up. His green eyes were lit up in a way you did not like. Not the way he looked during intense discussions, where he was passionate but angry. 'Are you alright?' You said it quietly, so as to not attract his angry. Trying to appear small as possible you wondered if running away was the best course of action.

Eren's face sagged for a moment before he jumped slightly. Relief filled you when it became clear that he may not have meant to look so menacing. 'Oh, sorry. Hadn't meant to startle you.' Looking abashed Eren looked to the ground. 'Not a fan of his.' 'Oh?' Curious, you sat up properly and inched towards him. Seeing a captive audience Eren started. 'His weakness it just.... just disgusting.' Sounding thourly repelled

Handing the book back you watched Eren flip through the pages. And as you did so a feeling of unease settled into you. because when had you ever pursued your own freedom?

💔

It all came crashing down. It had been the end of a terrible week. You had failed a test, had to extend an assignment and Eren had continued to show you the cold shoulder. All you wanted to do was take of this fucking green dress, have a nice long bath, lay down, and cry. To your surprise, Eren wasn’t alone in your small apartment. Sitting beside him at the kitchen table was your best friend, Hannah. It had been first year University and you were having difficulty making friends. Shiganshina was a small town where everyone knew each other, so it was hard. Social groups had already been formed years ago. It had been your philosophy class that you first met. You had acknowledged him as handsome but had no real interest as you never spoke to him, and only saw him in class. It was only when the two of you got placed in the same group project halfway through the year did you get to know him. Oh how you wished you didn’t. Because that was when you first fell for him. It wasn’t immediate. You started out as friends, and soon enough you found yourself going to every movie, drink, and bowling night together. You had such a good time that you started to invite your closest friend. That was your second mistake.

💔

You walked arm in arm with a girl by your side. Hannah was the type of girl to get stared at as she passed by. She was gorgeous with shoulder length blonde hair and wide adorable brown eyes. Her smile was one that could make anyone's day. The dimples at the corner of her mouth gave her innocence and charm. You and Hannah were like sisters. Being raised as an only child you were delighted to have Hannah. Having a low contact relationship with your mother and your father being absent (he left after mother became pregnant, so the story goes), you created a new family. Hannah, Biannca, Eren, Mikasa and others made up this newfound group. It almost made you nightmare that was your childhood. Cold white walls, mother pacing angrily downstairs, cigar smoke. All that was replaced with colour, kindness and warmth. Or so you had hoped.

Spring had just dawned over the town of Shinganshina. Walking arm in arm with Eren as you discussed what to say. Although you loved Eren you knew he could be harsh without meaning to. Hannah had just caught her boyfriend of two years in the arms of another woman and was naturally distraught. For the past month Hannah had been holed up in her room, practically a prisoner to her pain. Your heart ached for her. In her position you would be little better. Constantly you visited her in an attempt to provide comfort. Today you decided to take her out for breakfast, the meal being on you.

She was waiting for you by the café entrance. Today she was dressed in a white jacket and blue jeans, looking tired. The second Hannah saw you she smiled, looking between you and Eren. "Hey Hannah. O, yes, Eren you probably remember Hannah.

💔

That was why, one cold November day, it was a complete surprise to see Eren and Hannah both sitting at the table whispering conspiratorially. The moment you walked in they fell silent. Shiftily Hannah leaned back in the chair, not even looking you in the eye. Eren on the other hand was looking at you in the eyes. It would have been better if he did not. Those dull eyes made you want to dig a deep hole and curl up in it. Suddenly Hannah was leaning into Eren. A lump formed in your throat making you feel dizzy. A horrible feeling settled in your stomach as an idea occurred to you.

It was like everything seemed to be leading up. Eren disappearing at odd hours. Hannah, your supposed best friend not answering your calls. Now that you thought about it, her behavior was odd. You had been so focused on Eren that you never suspected she was involved in any way. Well, at least you now knew why she wasn’t hanging around you anymore.

You knew what he would say before Eren opened his mouth. Yet it still hurt like a punch to the gut. “Y/n. Hannah and I have been talking and I think it’s best if we broke up.” He said it so bluntly, without the slightest hint of sadness in his voice. Just the usual monotone voice he had been using as of late. “Have you two been-” Your throat was painfully dry. You couldn't believe it. You had suspected Eren had been seeing someone, but you had no proof. And you were afraid that if you said anything, he would immediately leave you for her. You guessed that was a mistake. “So you’ve been cheating.” Tears filled your eyes as you grit your teeth. “We would never!” Hannah had the nerve to sound offended. You looked at her. “Oh really? So you didn’t open your legs for my boyfriend earlier.” The fact that it was her, your best friend, made this so much worse. You had spent sleepless nights wondering if there was someone else, he was with, and who she was. Was she prettier? Smarter? What was it about her that made Eren uninterested in you? Hannah’s eyes filled with tears. At one time, Hannah’s tears would have gained sympathy from you. But now all they did was infuriate you to no end. Your heartbeat painfully in your chest painfully. Blood ran hot, thundering in your ears. “Oh fuck off you crybaby.” Hannah flinched at your voice. Eren immediately turned on you. “That's enough Y/n.” You gaped at Eren. It was like you were talking to a stranger. The look on his face made you want to throw up. It wasn’t just distant this time. You had only seen that look once. It had been when some girl from your college campus had been harassing you and he had stepped in. It seemed that he now saw you in the same light, the person who was harming the one he loved.

It ended with you leaving the apartment to get some air. Eren reminded you that your things still needed to be taken out. He said this with his arm around Hannah’s shoulders. As you snatched your coat Hannah came up to you. You refrained from saying anything that might get Eren to snap at you. “Y/n, we’re trying to be kind to you. We will give you time to move out.” You couldn’t fucking believe this. Hannah was acting as if they were doing you a favor.

Right now, you are walking the dark streets of Shiganshina. You could barely see due to the tears welling up in your eyes. Sobs tore from your throat to the point it hurt. But you couldn’t stop, you didn’t want to stop. It was like a piece of your heart had been ripped from you by the two most important people in your life. You could barely breathe. After four years of being together, everything is over. That night you didn’t sleep, just wandered around till the sun rose in the sky. As the orange glow covering the sky like a blanket the city lit up your way, you thought about the times you had watched the sunrise with Eren. For a while you looked over the city from the forest cliff. Everything was coming to life again. Everything except your heart.

Note: I started this fanfic a while back and then sort of disappeared. I apologize. It was just that I lost motivation and wasn't happy with the original. What I will do is edit this book and then post the last few chapters. I want to thank everyone who read my story in the past, and is reading this now.

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