#i literally hate myself for talking about it but not being able to give details lol

[damedechance]

Care to share a little about your Gwynriel WIP 👀

bestie thank you so much for giving me the space to talk about it, but i am so nervous that anything i say about it will give it away!!! and i want it to be a surprise :,) i've been dying over it

[saintobio]

HELLOOO FINALLY GOT TO SEND AN ASK!!!

first of allllll…. i think the time momjo sending the child guardian paper (?) that satoru typed out of anger is a hint…. and then satoru telling yn that sachiro called akemi mama… this honestly hurts alot more, imahine carrying your baby for 9 months, taking care of baby sachiro for 3 years alone, all the sleepless nights… and sachiro just ugh u dumbass small brain toddler (literally). anyways, satoru looking at akemi during suguru and shoko’s wedding, his hand rubbing akemi’s stomach at the cabin when she was in pain. honestly this part was akemi faking her pain or…? cuz there was a line that said after satoru asked if she wanted to go home her face didnt show anymore pain ? lololll idk. i dislike (hate) gojokemi but i think theyre gonna be endgame with all these theories coming up oh godddd. and the way yn threw the necklace into the lake, satoru went to search for it but did he manage to find it ? no. but during sn yn (well, suguru) found gojos wedding band. so in sy, yn threw away satoru’s “heart”, and it was never found again, thats a hint (?) bruhhh i hate thissss (i love this so much actually it made me feel so much i love u saint) i also recall the first time satoru and akemi first did it together he said smthg like i could learn to love u ? if i remember correctly. and the morning at the cabin after yn and gojo did it, yn was crying bcs they had a heartfelt talk ? and u mentioned they both felt guilty. the guilt is…. yeah.

BUT ALSO, satoru once said that yn has always been the one, sera when she saw gojo after forever told sukuna that he looks different when hes being with akemi, like hes not being himself? but that was when they first got together so idk about now. him not calling gojokemi exclusive. oh how they were happy and loving when yn got pregnant 🥹 but well it lasted until… yeah. also u said something about gojo gonna be on his knees again, since yn is now depressed and suicidal, i think for her heart disease shes gonna sign a DNR, then satoru on his knees maybe begging the doctors idk gawd idk someone mentioned dnr and i just… 🙂 its not that she wanna leave sachiro either, but i think shes telling herself everything will be better if she dies since sachiro, still very young, doesnt even really remember yn (just why sachiro) and called akemi mama… also why the hell didnt gojo use protection when fucking akemi oh gawd pls hate u satoru if she gets preggo.

anyways, i cant wait for gen to be back. i love u gen and ian.

oooh i also remember that you said there was a scene that inspired the birth of sn/sy, was it in chapter 11 ? or we’re not there yet…

honestly why dont yn just join shoko and suguru and be in a happy poly relationship ever looollll just kidding. my heart hurts, im still all in for gojoyn endgame but it doesnt seem realistic. ive been cursing gojo and akemi ever since the chapter came out loolll gotta give myself credit for being able to do my exams while still thinking bout this. 💀

omg there’s a lot to unfold here idk where to start 😭 but i just wanna say, it’s amazing how you’re so thorough in remembering those details in sn/sy bcos i honesty don’t have enough attention span to do that !!! sdjsj now while i can’t answer everything you mentioned, i can say a few things:

- akemi isn’t faking her pain, she’s truly struggling from it

- gojo doesn’t want kids outside of marriage (or should i say if not with yn), so he’s definitely careful with it.

- yes, it is indeed sy11 that birthed the sequel :’) i had that scene in mind before sn was even finished

[xerith-42]

*bats my eyes at you* spare some angsty headcanons perhaps?

Ask and you shall receive

Laurance is triggered by the smell of burning hair. Bro had hair down to his waist and then went into literal hell, I imagine so much of it caught on fire or was maybe even deliberately burnt, and it's such a distinct smell. It rarely happens, but if a stray spark from the fire accidentally catches on Cadenza's hair Laurance kind of freaks out a little. Fight or flight kicks in but he freezes but he also fights but he's also frozen and that smell is so awful he literally wants to rip his own skin off.

Katelyn doesn't ever think she'll love again. It's why she's so put off by Travis' advances, she just doesn't think it's a possibility. Every time she thinks about love she thinks about Jeffory. Seeing him on the island, even if it was an imp, did not help matters.

Kenmur still loves Sasha. He will always love Sasha. There is no amount of time that will stop him from loving her. Even if he also loves Emmalyn more than life itself, even if he's dedicated himself to his wife and his studies, there's still always that part of him that will answer to Sasha. Whenever she's around he can feel himself being pulled towards her just from the sound of her voice.

Zianna hates the sound of silence. So many years completely alone in such a huge estate. By the time Zane and Garroth disappeared, she was effectively estranged from her husband, only staying so they can maintain this cover of the Lord and Lady of O'Khasis. But their home is massive, designed for an entire family and then some. Even after Vylad and Garroth "died", Zane kept the house busy and often had Jury members present. The hollow emptiness of her home is nearly maddening for the poor woman.

The only reason Zianna never left is because she still held out hope for all of her sons. Zianna held out hope that any one of them would come stumbling in through the front door, likely beaten and bloody, and she would be able to take them into her arms and welcome them home.

This could very well turn into it's own post but here's a few small relic angst headcanons. Aph starts to lose her sense of self because sometimes she'll talk and it won't sound like her. They have mostly similar speech patterns, and she says things she would normally say, but it sounds like someone else, and she can never put her finger on it. Others notice, but nobody can quite figure out what's wrong with it. Until Zoey hears it and says it sounds familiar.

Travis usually likes to be a bit of a know-it-all, having a lot of random bits of trivia he's just learned from years of having nothing to do but entertain himself alone in a cabin, but sometimes the facts he gives are on subjects he never studied. He knows it's because of Enki's relic and he can't do anything about it. He hates how monotone his voice sounds whenever it happens, like he isn't even happy to know this information.

I'm sorry but we cannot gloss over how much turmoil Garroth would be over getting Esmunds relic after Zane already had it. He lies awake at night wondering what the three of them have in common, what he and Zane have in common at all. How could the protector bond with such a destructive awful man? How much is Garroth really like his brother? Can he even say he isn't like his brother if they were able to bond with the same relic?

Zoey may not have personally known all the previous relic holders, but she saw them. She was ten when Irene was walking among the mortals. Sometimes when she looks at her friends she sees... someone else. Someone so familiar, so similar to them, but the details aren't right. She can't tell if this is an effect of the relics or her own dwindling sanity/life force after giving up her immortality.

And entirely for myself because I will keep rewriting Aaron in my posts, Aaron feels such tremendous guilt like all the time. The survivors guilt has consumed everything he is, even the relationship that's supposed to be healing it. All he can think about is how he let everyone down, when he was supposed to lead them. Aaron wears the bandana not because he's hiding his identity, but to hide the permanently miserable look in his eyes.

[artemis-potnia-theron]

Examining Artemis & the Myth of Actaeon

And discussing transphobia in her worship space

***(tw:sa)

I've seen a lot of people reference Artemis' myths and her often violent retribution against the men in said myths as her disapproval of masculinity in general.

But Artemis' punishment never came without cause, especially in reaction to violent actions/harmful intent. And if you naturally and inherently equate masculinity with violence, that is a wildly transphobic mindset.

She was just as brutal with women who offended her. (Look at the stories of Euthemia, Chione, Niobe and her children) If you take her myths literally/as evidence, you have to accept that as well.

Yes, she has consistently been a protector of women/femmes/female identifying people, but that does not mean that she hates men inherently and without purpose.

Let's look at the story of Actaeon;

"...the story of Actaeon, a young prince and hunter of Thebes in Boeotia who incurred the wrath of Artemis by spying on her as she bathed, is terrifying in its cruelty and gruesome details.

Though some say he came across Artemis by accident, the young man nevertheless failed to avert his gaze, and this voyeuristic violation was met with swift and terrible punishment. Artemis transformed young Actaeon into the very thing he was hunting, a stag, and then incited his loyal hounds to tear him apart in a mad frenzy.

It is not just that the young hunter is torn apart by the very tools (dogs) he has trained and brought with him to tear apart his prey, but the fact that the hunter becomes the hunted due to his inappropriate gaze at the naked body of a woman/goddess.

This young man feels the violation, feels the vulnerability as prey, and experiences the violence of attracting unwanted attention. This myth is profound in its expression of victim psychology, particularly the vulnerability women experience on a daily basis for simply being in their bodies and gazed upon as like prey.

As such, Actaeon experiences the helplessness of being a body of prey firsthand, held against his will and hearing the cheering of his friends before being torn apart by those he trained for his own protection."

- She Who Hunts: Artemis: The Goddess Who Changed the World by Carla Ionescu

I think one of the reasons victims/survivors (like myself) focus on this myth is because it can invoke not only a feeling of catharsis, but also of power. It helped me release a lot of my rage and grief (metaphorically through the use of story).

But this all shifts when Artemis' myths become 'men are all violent scum and Artemis is repulsed by them.' No. No. No. That isn't the same thing as finding meaning in the story of a perpetrator who has to feel the violation, powerlessness, and fear of victims/survivors.

That kind of attitude is the same one as people who believe trans individuals shouldn't be able to use their gendered restroom because 'of the fear/threat of violence' that doesn't exist. If you think like this, you are actively contributing to the contributed oppression of trans and gender nonconforming people.

Think more critically about what this myth is actually speaking to. It is not men=bad. It is instead about violence against women and other vulnerable bodies. Which, I should add, is felt horrifically and brutally in trans/gender nonconforming communities.

Don't use Artemis' myths to support your own transphobia and bigotry. You don't know what you're talking about. You're just using her protective energy to support your hate.

This is a deity that protects with all the ferocity of nature incarnate. She gives so many victims/survivors strength. What right do you have to say that some people deserve that and some people don't?

What right do you have to speak for a goddess in your own bigoted voice?

[weirdcat1213]

Its time for the weekly horrors- I mean Trimax vol 3 >:3

The Thoughts:

chap 1:

-AH EVERYTHING IS FALLING

-bro you are about to get into a fight can you stop thinking about your bf for 5 minutes

-fr tho, vash's words making him hesitate/angry is so dcfgjhbkml

-why everyone wants my babygirl dead :c

-now now, comparing someone with their brother isnt a nice thing to do

-oh so now we're not even making an allegory, he actually called him jeesus

-also "your soul is forced to endure the sorrow by the hundreds, suffering by the thousands, and the rage by the hundreds of thousands" im gonna throw up cuz of how that GOOD and PAINFUL that shit is

-the polar opposite of being a human huh...i mean besides something i said weeks ago about how he's further away from humanity more than he would like that point is interesting cuz most of the time we call him someone who is more human than any other person. he carries more pain than any human could endure and definitely has more patience than anyone will ever have but...hm...i want to come back to this

-ww pls dont make me cry today pls honey

-oh im gonna cry

-"your ideals will join you in the grave" i fucking hate thats the reason why we all try to be better people, thanks to that fucking wet cat of a man i cannot deal actually

-MILLIE :D

chap 2:

-i dont have much to say about battles but let it be on the record that I'm enjoying ww's eyes sm

-oh page 38 is cool as hell

-OH SHIT IS THAT HIS FUCKING SPINE????

chap 3:

-ww stop having pretty eyes youre distracting

-meanwhile :3

-ah geesus the body horror (so good but creepy)

-EYES :D

-so many fucking details. nightow got down even the smallest scribbles, as 98 vash would say

-oh right that....thats still upsetting

-i fucking swear people need to leave my son alone

-also fucking hate that he had to SHOOT A BABY even if it was fake

-I FUCKING HATE THIS ACTUALLY

-i can feel his fucking mind breaking i cant do this

chap 4:

-"i cant do this" yet here i am lmao

-i think if vash held me like hes holding that girl a lot of my problems would be resolved ngl

-characters reciting names always get to me :c

-also HA EAT THE PTSD ASSHOLE

-"why are there so many" brad you may want to sit down for this one

-..................i deadass thought "oh the doctor is here" IVE READ THIS BEFORE AND I FELL FOR IT AGAIN

-vash with his hair down :3

-nah hes not gonna kill you BUT HE FUCKING SHOULD

-oh i will kill so many people (vash is bleeding)

-hm. this reminds me of something in houseki no kuni (i wont spoil but maybe ichikawa had trigun as inspo which would be cool af)

chap 5:

-oh im yeeting myself (ww thinks about the children) -ww gives in his anger and fear when punching those weirdass faces but I'm gonna say this once: that doesn't make him weaker or worst. i haven't seen anyone think that of ww, i just feel that when he compares himself to vash he feels that way and i cant stand it :)

-vash i fucking swear-

-oh god the fingers...the fucking fingers...

-oh you are NOT talking to my vash about pain and agony

-OH WAIT I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT PANEL OH GOD NO I HATE REREADS WTF

-XD my girls

no wait i need to get back to that. i thought that was emilio's dad not fucking vash himself oh my god I'm sick so sick actually wtfffffffffffff

chap 6:

-is this the chapter with the gays eyes cuz I'm not ready for that-

-oh fuck you nightow. fuck you for putting knives in the title page and the title being "families"

-i want to punch so many things but I'm at work. fuck

-also i forgot about this stampede parallel GOD WHEN DOES MY SUFFERING END

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE GAY EYESSSSSSS

-yeah i agree this is literally the moment. like fuck. fuck actually. fuck what else is there to say.

-fuck

-like hes so fucking terrified that he was afraid for him, what his journey is causing ww, but even if he wanted ww to stay away and safe he knows ww would say fuck off, but also vash would not be able to take it

-THERES SO MUCH FEAR AND LOVE IN THOSE EYES IM GONNA BITE MY HAND

-OH I CANT ACTUALLY WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH WTF

-im so fucking upset cuz the last 3 chapters were basically fights. they were full of energy and shit but now that is over and they are in a rare moment of peace, and everything fucking hits.

-im gonna go outside and step into oncoming traffic

-YES LUIDA MY QUEEN SHUT HIM UP

-WOLFWOOD :D pls never leave me

-i....*implodes*

-i am nothing. i just remembered that.

-OH CMONNNNNN

chap 7

-maybe i dont want to read trimax anymore. maybe a little person like me isn't strong enough for a 2nd round of the pain. with that in mind, lets keep reading :D

-WHERES THE NIGHTOW PUNCHING BAG WHEN YOU NEED IT

-wolfwood what he is it doesnt matter i swear pls cant you just love him?

-:c

-i dont like vash being emotionally attached to stuff cuz that means i have to yell HES LIKE ME FR FR

-oh that....that beautiful panel...amazing

-i think my mind blocked this out because of the previous sad things that happened, so now my brain is allowing me to process more sad things :3

-"i still have so much i must do" and i see i still have many tears to cry out huh?

-ofc wolfwood would ask about redemption

-cant my man show an important part of his past and show vulnerability in front of his friends in peace? damn

-im gonna start bitting my glasses

-GAY MOMENT PART 2 INCOMING

-luida pls i want to stop crying

-oh wolfwood honey....you just fell so hard for my man didnt ya

-i just realized the chapter is called "life as a" and I THINK the idea is to complete it with "life as a 'vash the stampede'" cuz he's not human

OK GREAT NOW I CAN RUN TO THE WASHROOM AND FUCKING CRY :D

[borderline-reorder]

I am just having the worst fucking day.

So, I live on the upper level of my parents house. We converted it into an apartment as best we could but like, I don’t have a real kitchen with an oven and a sink. The bathroom is through a room that isn’t mine. And the sound carries from downstairs to upstairs when my parents talk. I have been slowly but surely declining over the past two years that I have lived here and I am getting unstable again like self harm unstable. I haven’t done it yet, but I am THIS fucking close.

So. That’s the context.

This morning I wake up and go to make a cup of coffee. Step out for a smoke and come back in to grab my coffee and sit down and read the news. The coffee cup is barely full. I try again. I try again. Each time I try I have to empty it in the bathroom sink in the room that is not mine. Because I don’t have a fucking kitchen sink. And nothing works. I do cleansing rinses, I clean the whole damn thing, nothing works. I am upset. I can’t afford a new coffee machine. But then I see it: the descale button is blinking. So, I order the solution. Delivery Friday. Ugh. Okay.

So I text my mom and ask her if I can use her coffee maker and she says yes. I hate doing this because it makes me feel like I am 16 instead of a 30 year old grown ass woman. But I suck it up and feel shitty about myself for living with my parents and do it and get my coffee.

The day continues. I write to my pen pal. My mood briefly improves. I can handle going down there once or twice a day for coffee. Just until Friday. I repeat it to myself like a mantra. Just until Friday.

Today is Wednesday. My nieces come over on Wednesdays. I love my nieces, but I don’t like kids. Kids are loud. I have PTSD. These things mix poorly. So, every Wednesday they are loud and I have a panic attack and have to take a benzo and lay down. For two years I have been doing this weekly. I usually go down and say hi and play with them for a little bit because I do love them and want them to like me, and then leave when it becomes too much.

The nieces are over and I would like a cup of decaf and to say hi real quick. I text my mom. She says sure. I guess she told them? I don’t know the details. Anyway, I put the creamer in my favorite mug and get the k cup and put it in my pocket. I use the interior stairs. I open the door at the bottom and step out and say hello I am here. The nieces jump out at me screaming. I scream and start crying. Loud noises and being startled are a PTSD trigger. I mumble bye and go upstairs slamming the door. Maybe I shouldn’t have slammed it, but the panic attack was starting. I toss the creamer in the bathroom sink in the room that isn’t mine. I throw the coffee pod back in the box in the kitchen that is fake. I set my mug, thankful I didn’t drop it, down beside the coffee machine. I begin to lose my shit. Crying, shouting at my cats to leave me alone. One of them tried to jump up on me and I pushed her off. I cried harder because I felt so awful about doing that.

Somehow I get back to the bathroom and take two Ativan so that the panic attack will stop. I go back to my studio and curl up on the couch and relay events to my best friend, crying and shaking and very very upset. The kids are over and I’m not supposed to smoke when the kids are over. Turns out I don’t give a fuck when I’m triggered by them. So I go outside, still no decaf, hide around the corner so they don’t see me, and have a smoke. It helped. I hate this.

I go back to my studio and my mom is texting me. The kids feel bad. They should. I should feel bad for thinking that. I do. I cry harder. I want to move. But I would need help with rent because I don’t get enough disability to cover it on my own. I feel trapped. I get panic attacks once a week. I text my best friend and cry for hours. Literally hours until it stopped.

I text my mom that I need to move out. I explain why as much as I am able. It’s not healthy for me to be here anymore. It hasn’t been for a while. I want to hurt myself most days and only haven’t because I don’t have the stuff.

I order the stuff on Amazon.

It arrives on Friday.

I continue my text to my mom. I need to move out. Here are some places I found. They look safe. They are close by. I like being close by but this is too much and I am unstable now. I need to be stable. I am rapidly declining. I need to move out.

Mom says she is okay with that. Big sigh of relief. The first good thing all day. I no longer feel trapped. Now I can plan and the end is in sight.

She brings me four of my favorite drink because she feels bad that I am having a hard time. She is a good mom. I am very lucky. I take the drink and have one.

Later we go out for more drinks. My car is in the shop so I cant go on my own. We talk about me moving. She is all for it. I tell her the research I did. I have lived in this apartment complex before and it was good. It was a mistake to move out. I want to go back. I will feel safe there.

At this point I have 6 drinks. She offers to Instacart order the descaling solution so that I can try it tonight. I think she feels bad that I am so upset. She is nice to me. I agree.

I keep crying on and off. The solution arrives at 8:30pm. I use it immediately. I follow the instructions. I make a cup of decaf and… nothing. It is broken. I need a new coffee machine.

I start crying again. I take two more Ativan and tell mom thanks but it is just broken. She offers to get me a new coffee machine. Usually I would feel guilty, like overwhelming guilt, but I just want one thing to go right so I agree. I go downstairs. I pick it out. I Instacart it. Delivery by 11pm. I thank my mom and tell her I love and appreciate her.

I go upstairs and wait. The coffee machine arrives. I set it up. It works. I get a cup of decaf.

I still want to hurt myself. I still feel like crying. But I have a coffee machine that works and I am moving sometime this summer and that is progress.

I feel positive that I will hurt myself between now and then but whatever. I’ll try not to. I just can’t do this anymore.

[bitchy-peachy]

A little bit of my room at the physical therapy oncology room I was given. I won't take more pics yet cos I don't have permission and don't wanna overstep (but if the doc says its okay Im giving a tour for those interested in seeing a physical therapy hospital for cancer patients.)

All of the therapists are oncologists too which also impressed me. Like i talked to the head doctor that convinced me to come here and they're both physical therapists and oncologists that started the special physical therapy spa for people that have been paralyzed etc from bone cancers/tumors. Im exactly where I should be.)

So far my room is HUGE that I can easily use a wheelchair and walker without knocking into anything.

Bathroom is also huge so its a lot easier for me to do everything. I'm by myself and there's like 7 other patients so I took the risk and put stuff in the bathroom to have my hygiene products more accessible (although I don't mind sharing my stuff as long as I'm asked first tbh. If I get a roomie or anything. I helped my last roomie out so it was all good)

The only downside... is the food 😭. I think it's my diet though. I have pre diabetes cos when I was on steroids I was craving very sweet things so I was eating butterfingers, chocolate covered raisens AND nuts, bonbons, lollipops, tons of cookies well... I messed myself up that I gave myself pre-diabetes (be careful, you guys. I can't believe it was THAT easy to give myself pre-diabetes. Watch your health so you won't end with a shitty diet like me 😭)

I know they're trying to stabilize my blood sugar so I won't get full on diabetes (cos it can be stabilized. My aunt and grandpa were stabilized and are back to normal again)

But a flavorless, high fiber diet is really ugh. I'll have to suffer through it cos they know what's best and they're basing my diet on my blood work (they check EVERYTHING here. Glad I went to this hospital rather than the local one in my town. The hospital in my hometown is nowhere near this attentive to every detail and plus the social worker in my town hospital sympathized with and sneakily told me to come this hospital cos of its success rate. Heck a number of the staff are survivors themselves so I know there's a high success rate (and they call regularly to check on you so they keep track of you even if you're not hospitalized)

Anyways I waxed poetic enough. I will force myself to eat the bland food cos these people literally have helped me stand up and walk again and have shrunken most of my tumors and I'm so grateful for that although I really hated the steroids, some hold ups, i was ornery. I hate being that way but now after 2 weeks of being off the steroids and stabilizing I feel like such an epic bitch cos I was complaining for stuff that couldn't be helped.

I tend to be a looooooot more patient and laid back than that moody bitch I was displaying.

I worked for years in childcare. I got paid a lot for it too and while I was college I even had a waiting list cos some of the problematic kids only got along with me (I was good dealing with unruly hyperactive ones. Some kids i couldn't handle however, *cough* my younger brother *cough* cos i wasnt an absolute miracle worker but you get the point. By the times their parents picked them up the kids would be well fed and tired cos I wouldn't let up on entertaining them in physical activities like sports etc. Best thing for these kids is exhausting them with activities they like 🤣.

I know I rambled but what I'm saying is that these kids were children others didn't want to take on cos it would take A LOT of patience to deal with their attitudes and high energy levels and I was able to handle them and not get mad (probably cos I used to be an "unruly kid" myself and I know we can change and know what we needed to simmer down)

Those steroids... I know that I bitch a lot about them... I wasnt me AT ALL with those demonic pills. This IMPATIENCE, lack of comprehension skills, like my brain and temperament switched. I mean I'm sassy by nature (to other adults) but this went BEYOND that.

So if you're taking these types of meds... and you see those changes, don't worry cos that's not you and you know it. Once you're outta it you'll realize that. I'm actually terrified now that my mind has cleared and I apologized to some people but they said they've seen it happen to most saintly of people to not be upset (which makes me feel worse 😔)

Anyways dang i talked too much ahahahaha. Wanted to give a big update about this nice new location to help me out (still impressed. Glad i let the head doctor convince me to enter the program, lol) and I'm feeling like my old self every day little by little finally.

[aressida]

My entry: "To all families, all I wanted to say here is that, you must truly hate what’s left of your face to challenge me." - Aressida. 20.11.23.

Being restorative from all family alienation and trauma.

Families on both sides continue to cling to us year after year as a means of coercion and automatic redemption cards, but they might be clever if they were valued for who they are without feeling obligated or under pressure.

Hurt must still be recognized, though. When I do this, they know it irritates them.

"I don't like the way you deliver anger!" My mother-in-law got to her feet and gestured at me with a finger. When she did that, I literally barely got three words out. "Sarcastic!" Oh, she have no idea...

Try two decades. 20 long years.

She was the one who insisted on shifting the subject and preventing me from telling my side of the tale.

Please know that since you depend on me to be fair during our initial conversation, I will seize the opportunity to expose you.

For example, the way they consistently undermine authority, lead to conflicts in allegiance, and impede communication within the family. Then, as if it were our responsibility to get better and not theirs, they started sending us encouraging and self-help emails and texts.

All of it stems from an unreasonable dread of the judge, which is absent from "The Family." It's not even real.

I bring this up to ask whether the family has been able to evaluate their previous conduct and pinpoint areas where they may have made changes as a result of this time off.

Where is your introspection? Self-awareness? Examine your behaviors and actions in great detail?

It may be quite annoying when family members refuse to even admit that they are part of the problem. I get physically nauseous thinking about them "wondering why" we no longer talk to them, no matter how many times I tell them why they act like victims and play stupid.

Every time we try to reestablish boundaries and become better, the family talks down to us and challenges our way of thinking. Yes, you still need to show us that you genuinely care about us, even if I know you love us. Give your own approval to the other person instead of seeking YOUR own.

You show disdain towards our feelings. Stop. This is not about you. You always seem to find yourself defending your conduct in every interaction. Either you deliberately try to drive people apart or you make an effort to get along and work together thoroughly.

Because only my fiancé and myself are the only deaf members of the family, we often find out about family plans last, and often we will not even give them an opportunity to talk to us. They arranged us last. They should understand how immature that is as mature individuals.

The boundaries put in place as a result of the family's unwillingness to acknowledge the abuse and neglect that occurred there and the extent to which it harmed everyone's well-being and sense of value.

They are aware of this.

Not only did they give us the silent treatment outright, but a few of them even got other family members to assist in the same behavior. More often than one can count.

Similarly, when they ignored my family letter and pretended nothing had happened, it is also unacceptable. Without realizing that "family politics" was not at stake, they went on to recruit other individuals to join them in their struggle.

Why are they searching for supplies that may be obtained by taking advantage of the weaknesses of their preferred target and the sympathy of others?

That there is an obvious attempt to gain favor by discrediting the victim is intolerable.

No more games.

There should be an end to devaluation games and tactics like projection, belittling, manipulation, guilt, blaming, deflection, and passive-aggressive behavior.

This explains why it is evident that the family was already collapsing.

A narrative, are you game?

Out of jealousy, an older sister likes to tease and harass her little sister in front of everyone of their family and friends. All due to a skewed feeling of one's own significance, excessive arrogance, and a flattery-seeking impulse.

"Why are you letting her ostracize me from the family?" was the question I wanted to put to everyone in the family, especially my mother. However, nobody was eager to pay attention. All of it as a result of micromanaging my small existence, pitchforking, hidden putdowns, stonewalling, gaslighting, emotional neglect, and, most of all, being absent.

Are you aware of what an invisible child is? What does it mean for a child to be invisible?

I was that individual. I was called a scapegoat, alienated person, and problem child because of my deafness, inexperience, and early age.

Let me tell you why.

She would frequently give me negative feedback and pushback, which made me doubt my own worth and competence and made me second-guess my decisions and my judgment, all left me feeling stuck in a negative loop, useless, and without hope.

My family progressively undermined my confidence, leaving me with intense feelings of bewilderment and disorientation.

I personally believed that my sister's previous microaggressions were deliberate because it was subsequently implied that she hated and detested me as a youngest sister.

For what reason would my family not accept that I was traumatized as a child?

If my family acknowledges that I was traumatized as a child, then they must acknowledge that they failed as a family and did not shield me from harm when I was a child.

Because of this deep-seated fear, I also drift apart from other people as I become older. It is tough to stay composed when you are rejected without explanation. As a child, it worried me so much that I could not even begin to grasp why.

Growing up depressed, I mourned mostly by myself, learned to accept who I am, and realized that, under the circumstances, I had done the best I could have. To get my peace of mind back, I had to spend years learning how to put my trauma behind me and work toward recovery and health.

This explains why no one in the family, on either side, wants to own up to their wrongdoing and rudeness. That is on them.

You see why I refuse to let my daughters grow up in this poisonous family environment for this reason. May they find peace.

[babyspacebatclone]

I just finished reading the YA The Little Mermaid novel Against the Tide.

It’s good!

I’m, however, very conflicted.

This book is an AU for me, because there’s two things that in my kind go against the canon of the 2023 movie, one slight I could forgive, one just huge and debilitating.

On the plus side, it’s got great worldbuilding, and I love Ariel and her character growth though it.

Non spoilery expanded thoughts below the cut.

First the canon issues: The big one is Ariel learns something about “The Sea Witch Ursula” that, in my opinion, would mean she would never trust her.

And I don’t know why, because - it could have been written around? Hint it in a way that the audience understands what’s going on, but Ariel not making the connection makes sense.

I personally hate the detail, because I honestly liked what was given in the 2023 movie better, but that’s spoilers for both.

The second issue is the timeline: this book is set on the Coral Moon the year Ariel is 15, and production notes say she’s about 18 in the movie.

I can see the characters growing enough in those 3 years to be where they are in the movie, but… It’s a stretch.

It’s not a spoiler to say the daughters of Triton are estranged to put it mildly at the beginning of the book - that’s chapter 1 stuff.

But the extent of their trauma, compared to the camaraderie they show in the movie at the shipwreck, especially if they only get together as a family annually on the Coral Moon (therefore 2 times between the events of the novel and movie)…

It’s possible, but I myself don’t like it.

But that’s a small thing, and I only bring it up because of it’s synergy with the Ursula thing.

On to the worldbuilding…

In isolation (aka as an AU), I absolutely loved everything. I guessed 90% of the evil plot in the first chapters, but that’s me being an author and consciously aware of the rule of narrative detail and common tropes. I was hoping my guess of the villain was wrong because of that, but the fact I wasn’t isn’t a knock against a YA novel - Penn and Teller being able yo tell how a magic trick works doesn’t mean the trick isn’t amazing on it’s own!

(I’m not saying I’m on a Penn and Teller level, just their show is a great example of what I’m talking about)

My complaint in making the novel a prequel of the movie is that it treads a lot of the same themes - breaking generational prejudice, for example.

Which is not a bad thing, you’re reading a The Little Mermaid novel, giving the readers what they like is a good thing.

It just feels frustrating in the context of the timeline, that in 3 years Triton doesn’t trust Ariel’s opinions of things if this book were canon.

(this isn’t on the same level as the above timeline snag, Triton feeling hatred towards the humans is still 100% in character and justified in context. it’s the “not trusting Ariel for a second” when she’s literally had to drag him by the beard to listen to her and then force him to make systemic changes to how he rules that feels out of place in such a short timeline.)

Pinning the plot on the prejudice theme ends up feels like a rehash of the movie, as it doesn’t lead in organically to how the family reacts to Ariel.

But, as I said, a lot of this is fitting the novel into canon: As a standalone, the themes are well explored and Ariel’s journey is great.

i loved the characters, although I read the book to learn more about the sisters and the estrangement plot point meant I didn’t get nearly as much if that as I wanted. You get their personalities, but it’s all filtered through their love for Ariel as their baby sister, so it doesn’t explore each girls’ individual personality beyond the ways they resent each other.

Or how they respond to trauma, but I’ll let you read the book there.

Overall world building is excellent! The writer in me cringed at first at the level of “this is exotic!” detail sharing (the “clamshell bed” with “seaweed covers”), but gradually it felt more like an extension of Ariel’s fascination with the world: even things that are common and normal to her get a level of precise observation that is in character.

And I love Flounder, this is one detail I consider canon to the movie!!!

Overall a great read if you’re interested, I’m up for discussing spoiler stuff if anyone else is!

[flightfoot]

I'm sorry if this come out as a vent but the bullet point on the wishmaker part kinda hit too close to home to me, because I don't have any recollection of my childhood memories. My parents are very strict and controlling because they want "the best for me" and what Adrien said in that episode is what I said whenever someone ask about my dream. "I want to be whatever my parents what me to be." Growing up in a family with narcissistic parents make me give up on what I want to be because that's not good enough for them, they never give me space to do what I want to do, they choose what they want me to be because they can't be what they dreamed of and I never thought how destructive that wish could be until recently. Because my parents always told me what I can do and what not, as an adult I become disconnect with myself, I don't know what I want and I don't know how to want something. Therapist said the reason why I don't have childhood memories is because the childhood trauma that I have and I tried to suppress it subconsciously and I think that's probably the same with Adrien as well.

Perhaps this is why I hate the theory so much because I see myself in Adrien and a lot of people really like to simplify his reaction as a result of him being controlled by the amok even though it could be his trauma response. As someone who grow up and live with a parents like Gabriel, for people to simplify my responses as someone tried to controlled me with a magic item and solely because of it is a big insult for me. Because if my father told me to obey, then I would obey him even though I don't want to do it unless I want to get punished. I don't want to imagine the younger me doing what Adrien do to survive in abusive household and then being told "Ha ha ha you're not a human then." By stranger because that would devastated me then.

I know not all theory stan do it but most if not all that I saw in my dash was like that and it's frustrating.

Oh yeah, the whole "not having clear childhood memories" and "the wish being to be what your parents want you to be" are also things that make sense for just plain child abuse. It probably would have been interpreted that way, too, if not for people both already suspecting that Adrien might be a sentimonster, and the strangeness of him being an infant when he had this dream, when everyone else was walking and talking when their dreams were shown. There's not really a good alternate explanation for why he had that dream as a literal infant.

I think with Adrien, his responses, most of them could be easily explained just by, well, him being abused by Gabriel and his trauma responses as a result. I don't think an amok was even used against him until season 4, we didn't start getting hints of it being used until then. So yeah it wasn't really necessary in order to explain why he followed orders and had trouble even attempting to stand up to Gabriel (not that he would've been able to change things even if he had). The abuse would've been enough.

It's not just "Adrien obeys, therefore he's a sentimonster". Like you said, that's often just what you have to do to survive in an abusive household. It's that, combined with the show focusing on a bunch of weird, out of place details that suddenly make a lot of sense if Adrien's a sentimonster.

[hyperfixationtimego]

Can you at least list down what exactly is accurate or not with Mindy? No offense but a lot of these posts that defend Mindy don't even provide sources of their own. So for ppl like me that barely know her, my knowledge comes from Jewish, Muslim, Black, Trans people that repeatedly point out the bigotry in her shows by providing source and timestamps. I can't go by anything with people telling me she is not that bad

I mean, the whole point of me wording the posts as generally as I did was to encourage people to look shit up for themselves instead of lazily expecting some random social media user to tell them exactly why and how to think, but sure yeah whatever.

“She’s a TERF/She’s transphobic.”

we’ll start with the one I’m most qualified to talk about, considering that I myself am a trans person.

the whole accusation of her supposedly being transphobic occurred after she allegedly liked this tweet by JK Rowling, who - as can easily be confirmed just based on a quick scroll through her twitter history - is a known TERF.

Notice how the tweet itself never specifically refers to trans people, though. Like, yeah, us queers know the context & hatred behind, but if you yourself are not LGBTQ+ and are thus not necessarily up to date on all the discourse & issues being discussed by the trans community, the tweet itself just reads like a well-known children’s book author giving a snippy, self-assured response to someone else’s complaint about her work/life.

i’m not linking to kaling’s twitter because. frankly I find this complaint about her to be one of the stupidest and I simply cannot be bothered, but if you do check it out you’ll find that she’s since unliked the goddamn tweet AND that she’s not actively following Rowling, because hey guess what.

Kaling has normal opinions about trans people, actually.

In 2018, Josie Totah - one of the stars on Kaling’s show Champions - came out as a trans woman, and in response, Kaling voiced support & excitement for her, and mentions her admiration for Totah’s talent & an excitement for the idea of being able to work with her again, publicly establishing herself as an ally & inherently supporting the idea of working with trans people in the industry.

Here’s the tweet btw!

So….yeah. Kaling’s not a TERF lmao she’s literally just. a cis woman who didn’t know all the context.

“She’s antisemitic.”

this is the other one I had already looked into beforehand, so for the sake of my sanity it’s the one we’re covering next 👍

As far as I’m aware, this claim was spurred by the way a Jewish character was depicted in Never Have I Ever, a Netflix show created by Mindy Kaling and Lang Fisher.

You know who Lang Fisher is? Yeah, neither does anybody else who’s been accusing Kaling of hating Jewish people, apparently.

Isn’t it funny how, of the two of them, the brown woman had her shit completely dragged, but the white woman of equal title & responsibility in the creation of the show is hardly ever acknowledged or brought up 🙄 /s

Anyway, I’m gonna preface the next part by stating for the record that I’ve not yet had the opportunity to watch Never Have I Ever for myself, and thus I won’t be able to comment on any thematic or narrative decisions within the show.

Here’s an article written by journalist Mira Fox, detailing the problematic depiction of that Jewish character I mentioned, and here’s a direct response to that article, written by Dr. Karen E. H. Skinazi, a Jewish woman & associate professor of literature & culture. Skinazi argues that, while far from perfect, the inclusion of Jewish stereotypes in respect to that specific character still manages to contribute to the show’s overall themes of diversity, individuality, & acceptance.

The nuance of these two reactions is really important - Dr. Skinazi’s testament that the depiction of Ben’s character serves a greater purpose to the impact of the show as a whole, instead of simply existing as a way for the creators to express a dislike or hatred for Jewish people, makes it fairly apparent that Kaling & Fisher’s intent with the character was noble, even if their execution of the concept ended up missing a mark here or there.

In addition to that, I feel that it is very important to mention Kaling’s close personal relationship with B.J. Novak, who is himself a Jewish man and also the literal godfather of Kaling’s children.

Does this mean that Kaling is outright incapable of engaging in antisemitic behavior? Of course not! But at the very least, I do feel it’s indicative that Kaling is not actively trying to insult Jewish people or put them down, and that needs to be acknowledged.

Now, I personally have not encountered claims of Kaling specifically being antiblack or islamophobic, but considering that you did not provide me with specific things you wanted me to look into other than the very tall order of “what is and isn’t accurate about her,” and that you mentioned that your knowledge of her is specifically coming from “Jewish, Muslim, Black, [and] Trans” people, I’ll tentatively assume that the Black & Muslim people you’ve spoken with were perhaps providing evidence for some other complaints entirely. If there is evidence of her touting that kind of bigotry, though, please let me know! It’s important to be accurate with this kind of stuff!

I DO want to touch on what you’ve said about about timestamps, though; they’re far from reliable sources of information, especially when dealing with the realm of comedy. Context is EVERYTHING - you have to be aware of the overall message being told to the audience. You can’t just quote the setup to a joke and then refuse to acknowledge its punchline when it’s delivered; they’re both serving a purpose to what the speaker or performer is trying to express.

There were a few other claims that came to mind that I considered touching on, but frankly this post is already stupidly long and it really is not my responsibility to teach you guys how to appropriately interact with the information you are presented on the internet.

You can tell me if you want, and I’ll do my best to fact-check whatever it is, but if you aren’t gonna give me specific claims or accusations to work with, find and corroborate the answers for yourself. I’m not your mom, dude.

[yap-bot100]

Ok, i don’t know what’s going on anymore. I have a best friend right? They’re awesome, they’re chill, very sweet, real smart, so on so forth. Recently they started dating, that’s fine - kinda stung not going to lie but that’s my problem not theirs - they seem very happy and very much in love, good for them y’know?

My issue is that i can’t tell if I like them or if I’m just mixing friendship and romance. I’m not going to do anything about it because thats fucked up but i quite literally cannot tell anymore. I know that the first instinct is to say romance but i don’t want that from them, i don’t won’t to go ‘yes, this is my partner’, and i don’t want to introduce them to my family as such. I’ve known this person for years, they’ve already met my family, so it would be fine. I just don’t want to.

But the level of pain I felt when it sunk in that they’re dating someone else? I actually cried. Several times. I don’t think I’ve ever cried over someone like that outside of deaths.

I guess it makes sense to some degree, i felt that I’d lost them, that i was being replaced by some new stronger, taller, opposite-gender version of me. Their partner can make them smile and laugh like no one else by simply saying a couple words that just roll off their tongue. They can pick them up and carry them over their shoulder as if they were part of a romance novel. They take them on dates and hold their hand, give goodbye pecks. But what hurts the most is that if we ignore physical traits, if we ignore height, or face, or strength, or body, we are uncomfortably similar. Their partner and i both sew, we both hyperfixate on interesting things, we’re both oddly analytical, both strangely social with random people, both hate crowds, both express affection the same ways, both compliment the same things, are both sentimental to the point of sickly. I feel like my identity is wrapped up in someone else only I lost out to a relationship I wouldn’t be able to accept.

I want to go back to how it was. When we were best friends and i was the first person they’d talk to when something new happened, when they wanted my opinion on what to buy at the shops. When they’d come over to my place and chill with me watching a movie and talking over some details of something stupid someone decided to do that contradicted their whole world stance. How we’d stay up as late as we can to be tired enough to actually talk about deep shit. I miss having the friend that i could be a little clingy with - that I’d opened up to being clingy with. I hadn’t been a big physical affection person before. Now it just feels like I’m crossing boundaries I shouldn’t, because i know that if -whatever this is- is related to any kind of romantic feeling then I’ll not only be betraying the comfort of myself and of my friend but hurting their partner, who, by the way, is a really great person. Funny, and sweet, and very much in love with my friend, like always planning their next date with some kind of gift to go along with it kind of love.

And i hate so badly that even with all of this bullshit, i miss what we were. I miss being the most important. I know that they claim were both at their top just ‘different categories’ and maybe I’m competitive, maybe i just want the person I talk to the most to talk to me the most too, but i want to be top of the list combined.

We’ve been best friends for years. Through several groups of three that always ended with something going badly but we stayed. They’ve known each other longer but were never close until a couple months ago. I feel like I’m now in another group of three, only having to watch as they’re close, and cute, and happy. From the outside, like a third wheel. Watch and add to a conversation I already know has been shared between them. Sit and wonder why the ever living fuck I’m even still there when you can get my perspective, my exact words from the same person they’re dating. I feel like my opinions are irrelevant because someone already has them. Like I’m a double. What’s the point in having a group of three if two of them are supposedly the same. I feel like i hold no value in conversations anymore. When you can do nothing but agree with someone else because they’re always saying what you want to say.

Im so sick of feeling like this. So sick of putting all my time and joy into someone that’s already getting that and more from another person. Someone they talk to regularly, someone who plays their stupid video games with them, someone who calls them almost every night. I feel like my time isn’t enough for them but i know it would hurt them if I left. What the fuck am i supposed to do with that?

[mjrarcana]

⸻ 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒

topaz. he/they. 25+. multi-fandom multi-muse. makoto yuki blog.

This is a sideblog connected to the two above blogs.

canon divergent: i only take the following things as canon:

persona 3 / fes / reload / anime (willing to interact with femc but i have never played p3p and do not know the dynamics. read a bit of the mangas. someday i might play it but there are things stopping me.) I mainly follow reload as i have just finished it. there are some things i vastly prefer in other versions of the story though so i can be a little choosy.

persona 4 / golden ( i have never played golden though i do want to. i haven't played persona 4 in over ten years so my memory isn't great on it. that is why i did not put any p4 muses until i do play it.)

persona 5 / royal. All my p5 muses are based on royal and I see it as more canon than the original. That being said, my Joker is called Akira Kurusu and he is MINE. I do not follow the anime as I did not enjoy their version of him.

Meta Rules:

I am a disabled person. I go through bouts of being unable to be active or social. I have been struggling with this my entire life. I could list the things I think are important to talk about but I really don't think I have to justify things. If you want to know I will tell you. It greatly effects my ability to be social at times and my amount of energy. Please respect this. I try not to just vanish, but it can happen. I will always try to communicate when this happens. All I ask is to be treated with empathy and respect. I can say when this acts up, I can be prone to not great behaviors. I have been manipulated and hurt during these episodes. The best thing for me in these situations is to give me space. I need to protect myself during these times. I need to be alone. I am reluctant to be open because of past experiences. I know I cannot act rationally and can make stupid choices. I can become snippy or traumadump. I can allow people to walk on my boundaries during these periods. I have been manipulated multiple times to do and share things I am not comfortable with. I get incredibly anxious or hyper. The anxiety can turn into downright paranoia which is why I cannot handle vagueblogging and stuff during those times. I am not making excuses. I am just letting everyone know that I sometimes need space. I need patience. I may still write. But I will not be able to speak much ooc. It is not personal. But sometimes I just struggle. It is a struggle a lot of the time.

I try my best to tag triggers, so if you need something tagged let me know. By default I tag a lot of stuff but I can always miss things. Feel free to request.

Sexism and racism will not be tolerated, you will be blocked. If you post anything transphobic, homophobic, or biphobic, I will block YOU

I can and will block if people make me uncomfortable.

I will never write incest. EVER. If you ship adult/minor ships or condone that stuff, do not interact.

If you constantly delete/move your blogs, I might be hesitant to interact with you.

I'm queer. I am genderfluid with a masc lean. Assigned female at birth. I have a zero tolerance policy about about hate toward lgbt+ people and misogyny. I will say something to you if it seems unintentionally done. But yeah.

I am incredibly uncomfortable around much of the following fandoms: final fantasy xvi , danganronpa, and baldur's gate 3. Still willing to follow or interact but I may be hesitant.

If you are friends with Jay/JJ or interact with him at all, do not interact. In face, just block me. If you want details, you can DM me. I literally still scan every blog to see if i get even a whiff of him.

This isn't really relevant to this blog but it still needs to be said: due to personal reasons I am no longer comfortable doing smut rps.

Interaction Rules

Asks can ALWAYS be replied to. Answers are always the best way to start threads with me.

All muses are crossover friendly and OC friendly.

Do not force me to ship or smut.

I'm mutuals only.

If you are a multi-muse and send an ask or like a starter call without specifying what muse you are sending from, I won't answer. If you do not say what muse you want from me, I will probably message you to ask. I might not actually answer it though.

Shipping/Mains Rules

If you are a main or ship partner, I need to be able to kinda talk to you ooc. I only will be mains with someone who speaks with me ooc.

Mains and affiliates get priority.

If you become mains or start shipping with me and then never reply or talk to me, I'll remove you from my list. Shipping or being mains should be the start and not the end. That status is not a trophy to be put on your shelf. Exceptions can obviously be made and I'm always okay with low activity or extended breaks. I just ask for communication when possible.

I will typically not be exclusive.

[ochazos]

HOW CAN WE GIVE UP

... with so many heartbeats joined with our own? RULES

Meta Rules

I am a disabled person. I go through bouts of being unable to be active or social. I have been struggling with this my entire life. I could list the things I think are important to talk about but I really don't think I have to justify things. If you want to know I will tell you. It greatly effects my ability to be social at times and my amount of energy. Please respect this. I try not to just vanish, but it can happen. I will always try to communicate when this happens. All I ask is to be treated with empathy and respect. I can say when this acts up, I can be prone to not great behaviors. I have been manipulated and hurt during these episodes. The best thing for me in these situations is to give me space. I need to protect myself during these times. I need to be alone. I am reluctant to be open because of past experiences. I know I cannot act rationally and can make stupid choices. I can become snippy or traumadump. I can allow people to walk on my boundaries during these periods. I have been manipulated multiple times to do and share things I am not comfortable with. I get incredibly anxious or hyper. The anxiety can turn into downright paranoia which is why I cannot handle vagueblogging and stuff during those times. I am not making excuses. I am just letting everyone know that I sometimes need space. I need patience. I may still write. But I will not be able to speak much ooc. It is not personal. But sometimes I just struggle. It is a struggle a lot of the time.

I try my best to tag triggers, so if you need something tagged let me know. By default I tag a lot of stuff but I can always miss things. Do not worry about requesting.

Sexism and racism will not be tolerated, you will be blocked. If you post anything transphobic, homophobic, or biphobic, I will block YOU

I can and will block if people make me uncomfortable.

I will never write incest. EVER. If you ship adult/minor ships or condone that stuff, do not interact.

If you constantly delete/move your blogs, I might be hesitant to interact with you.

I'm queer. I am genderfluid with a masc lean. Assigned female at birth. I have a zero tolerance policy about about hate toward lgbt+ people and misogyny. I will say something to you if it seems unintentionally done. But yeah.

I am incredibly uncomfortable around much of the following fandoms: final fantasy xvi , danganronpa, and baldur's gate 3. Still willing to follow or interact but I may be hesitant.

If you are friends with Jay/JJ or interact with him at all, do not interact. In fact, just block me. If you want details, you can DM me. I literally still scan every blog to see if i get even a whiff of him.

This isn't really relevant to this blog but it still needs to be said: due to personal reasons I am no longer comfortable doing smut rps.

Makoto/blog specific rules

I only adhere to the canon of main series games. These are: Persona 3/Reload, Persona 4/Golden, and Persona 5/Royal. I borrow inspiration from the P3 movies as well. No spin off games will be considered canon on this blog until further notice.

I am duplicate friendly and willing to rp with FEMC but it has to be plotted out. Without plotting at all, I am not comfortable interacting with her.

My Makoto was greatly influenced by death being inside of him which made many of his mental health issues worse, there is no way I can write him without this having happened to him. He would act like a different person.

Makoto engages in a lot of not great things. Be wary of suicide mentions, self harm, binge eating, and other bad behavior. I will always tag these but they do come up a lot so make sure you have the tags cw (tag) filtered if you need to.

Makoto is demisexual bordering on asexual.

I can use the name Makoto Yuki or Minato Arisato. I have been writing him long enough that I have used both. I love both names a lot. Do not stress about which name to use.

Interaction Rules

Asks can ALWAYS be replied to. Answers are always the best way to start threads with me.

All muses are crossover friendly and OC friendly.

Do not force me to ship or smut.

I'm mutuals only.

If you are a multi-muse and send an ask or like a starter call without specifying what muse you are sending from, I won't answer.

Shipping/Mains Rules

If you are a main or ship partner, I need to be able to kinda talk to you ooc. I only will be mains with someone who speaks with me ooc.

Mains and affiliates get priority.

If you become mains or start shipping with me and then never reply or talk to me, I'll remove you from my list. Shipping or being mains should be the start and not the end. That status is not a trophy to be put on your shelf. Exceptions can obviously be made and I'm always okay with low activity or extended breaks. I just ask for communication when possible.

I will typically not be exclusive.

[poppywriter]

❀ Pansy n°1 = F*cking writer’s block.

I really enjoy writing.

Like a lot.

I think it’s because I have a lot on my mind and I thrive to get it out of my head. Like I don’t want to lose the ideas I have so I try to write as much as I can somewhere, everywhere. I literally have a note on my phone titled ‘Story ideas’ , and up to this date (the time I’m writing this) I collected twelve ideas without counting this book, or whatever this is. I have some ideas that are way more developed than others and some that are just fun things I thought about, but I feel like I could do so much with each of them. And I want, I really want to use all those amazing ideas and make them into the novels they deserve to be, but sadly… It always ends the same.

You see, dear reader, there is some sort of pattern that seems to come back in my life as a wannabe writer. Most of the time it starts with me having a dream or a daydream about whatever came to my mind this day. Then I realize that I really like what I’m imagining, that it’s actually really interesting and maybe it could grow into something more. So I continue to think about it for days, weeks, months, sometimes years and I end up with a full on story of ten novels and even a sequel (I may exaggerate a bit, but only a bit). And here I am, attached to this universe I created, to these characters I watched growing up and all the important events of their adventures I want everyone to know about, and I’ll be heartbroken to just leave it at that. To just leave it as a simple fantasy, a dream, a figment of my subconscious. I cannot possibly let it be forgotten, because I’ll inevitably forget it if I do not act and do something to keep it somewhere, anywhere. So comes the time to write, to finally put into words this story, this scenario that was entirely made up by myself and my creative mind.

Yet, when I finally have the motivation to write something, anything, this so-called motivation never comes alone. It always comes with it. You might be confused as to who or what I’m talking about dear reader. Well, I am talking about this horrible realization that writing is difficult as f*ck.

In fact, I always end up being lost in all the details of my stories. I always end up realizing that I thought of things, but not everything, and that I have now to choose the right words, the right grammar, the right phrasing to accurately depict the world, the characters and the adventures I have created. And this dear reader is so very hard.

Then I also have to think about all that’s in between the big events of the story to tone down the dose of action in the script, to show the character development, to exploit the characters' relationships and make the readers like them as well as relate to them. At this point, writing seems like a chore, a big task that is too hard for me to actually be able to finish.

Admitting that I actually started something and didn’t give up just messily writing down notes on a random notebook, I never seem to end up writing things that I like. Writing becomes stress inducing because I constantly think about what I have to write down after this exact moment for it to make sense and how I have to make some details pop out but not too obvious for the reader to notice them but not understand their importance. All in all my thoughts, ideas and anxiety create this jumbled mess in my head and I am incapable of writing.

To this date I have three started and unfinished projects. One that I started when I was like 12 or 13 and actually finished (well at least the first book or season because it was written as a screenplay) after having started at least four or five different versions of it. But as time flew by I ended up hating what I wrote so I decided to start it all over again this time as a novel. Yet I didn’t get far because I started questioning the originality and interest of this story that was in fact kind of childish. It was very important to me because it was the first ever thing I wrote down and I loved it dearly, but I inevitably left it aside.

Then much later I started thinking of this thriller based on a nightmare I had. So with one of my sisters we wrote everything down about the plot, the characters, the universe, etc… I even started writing but I never went past the first chapter. I was just unable to. I wanted to, really, because it has a lot of potential and I wanted it done but I dreaded writing about it because I couldn’t come up with correct phrasing and ideas of filler chapters. I was also so far ahead in my mind, already thinking of what could happen in the second book of this saga. I’m always thinking too far, too fast. So I have a second draft lying around on my computer.

Finally, recently I decided that I wanted to truly finish a book, that I was going to do it, and in order to do just that I thought of a simple love story which could fit in a tiny and single book. Like that no thinking ahead and finishing with ideas for an infinite number of books. So I took notes of ideas as they came, created the characters and found their visuals, all of that in a very short amount of time and I loved doing it. I was thrilled! It felt good to be able to do things so fast and smoothly. Then I started writing, it went well, I was inspired and I liked how I wrote, but came chapter 7 and I stopped completely because I was once again starting to complicate the task at hand. I was either distracted or not inspired or just lazy. So I stopped and a third unfinished draft joined my computer.

Whenever I want I could go back to either of those drafts and continue them, because deep down I know I am capable of doing it, of writing but I can’t seem to do so. I am just stuck with overflowing ideas but the incapability of fully writing things down. It s*cks… And it makes me feel incapable.

So I just have one thing to say: f*ck writer’s block.

✿❀✿

🔺Original work, please do not steal or copy. Thanks.🔺

- notify me if there are typos ;)

[anime-grimmy-art]

What do you do when there’s not much to an AU? You make up your own stuff, ofc. And as is per usual when I make Character Designs, I make up a shit ton of lore too.

The ramblings under the cut, but what I’m really interested in, is what you guys think. Do you guys have any headcanons/ideas for this AU? Let me hear them! Also, if you don’t wanna read on tumblr, here’s the Google Docs link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/151yshHxnb_--P6eMKkwkI2dee9xC_Llb/view?usp=sharing

Before I get into the characters’ roles, here’s some general facts and backstory of their town:

- Basically, it’s Undertale meets Harvest Moon / Stardew Valley. Well, kinda. I at least used that approach for coming up for the jobs for the characters. You know, how there’s always a general store, a doctor, a smithy, etc.

- The usual story of a HM game is that you come to a town that’s way past its glory days and you, as the player/farmer, help them get back to that. The “backstory” of the town is that that already kinda happened. I’ll get into it more in the character description, but basically when Asgore was still mayor, the town got really popular. Then yadda yadda, a certain tragedy happened, two kids died, and the town suddenly got very bad publicity. There was a lot of stuff going on back then, bad reputation being spread and also a lot of law stuff, cos, you know, supposed child murder ‘n all, so Asgore made the decision to shut off the town to ppl from outside. This was in the interest of most monsters living there, because as fun as it is to have a lot of people coming there, most just wanted to live a quiet life. Not everyone was happy with that though, so many moved away from town and some others are trying to get the town back on its feet. But more on that later.

On to the characters:

I’m just gonna start with the skelebros, cos it’s their fault in the first place I got so invested.

Basically, they are what the player is in hm/sdv. They just showed up one day, took over the abandoned farmhouse and began their life there. The two came to town way after it was “closed” and since then a new mayor has opened the possibility for new residents to move in. Their farm helps the economy of the town a lot and the mayor, like usually in hm games, is trying to use that to make the town more known again. The skelebros aren’t really working towards that goal however.

So, now a bit more detail on them individually.

Papyrus:

- The design is mostly based on what’s “canon” in this au.

- He works mostly on the fields and is in charge of the crops. Their fields aren’t spectacularly big, but still big enough to plant a few dozen rows of veggies. 

- Paps also helps out a lot in town when he has the time. He helps Asgore with his plants, he goes fishing with Undyne, helps Toriel carry crates around and so on. This is inspired by the part-time job mechanic in HM ToT.

- Unbelievably, in this AU Pap is not an absolutely awful cook. Since he helps out at Muffet’s and Grillby’s a lot, they tend to show him some tricks to cooking. Even though Pap’s not a big fan of the greasy or overly sweet cooking those two do, he picks up a lot.

Sans:

- Again, design mostly based on the “canon” look. Maybe a bit more baggy.

- This is finally an AU this dude gets to rest. Since there are no resets and he doesn’t have to see his bro die again and again, for once in his life, he’s not a sad ball of depression. He’s just a chill and lazy dude that loves to make puns. Though, since he’s not too experienced with the feelings of loss, helplessness or grieving, he still tends to hide behind puns and fakes smiles if he does feel bad.

- Sans is in charge of the animals on the farm. Papyrus begrudgingly gave him that role since Pap’s loud demeanour and hectic movements usually scare the animals. Sans’ relaxed attitude draws the animals to him naturally and even if Pap mostly finds him sleep against a tree, in a stack of hay or on one of the sheep, the animals are always fed, healthy and relaxed, so Sans seems to be doing his job.

- Sans always has a small chic sit inside his hoodie or hat. Is it always the same one? Who knows, maybe.

- Sans also, somehow, can produce eggs out of thin air. Grab into his hoodie pocket, in his pants pocket, in his hat, in his slipper, there’s suddenly always an egg there. On good days he can even make butter or cheese appear. 

Gaster:

- He’s literally just a scarecrow in this. Though, if you ask any of the bros why they designed their scarecrow that way, they won’t have an answer.

Frisk&Toriel:

- Frisk is mostly based on what I wore myself as a kid in summer. Just a loose shirt with a cappy. Toriel basically has her ut gown, just with an apron on top.

- Frisk just appeared outside the “magical” forest one day. Napstablook and his cousin found them and brought them to Toriel, who has been taking care of them since.

- Toriel runs the general store in town, but also often takes care of the few kids that still live there.

- Frisk usually helps out in Toriels store, plays with the other kids or sits around at Asgore’s. They’re notorious for nabbing small snacks, mostly from Asgore’s plants. You’ll always find them munching on something. 

- Frisk was in town before the skelebros. Since they’d moved in, Frisk often went to spy on their farm. After a small incident with angry chicken, Frisk got to know the two better and now they see them as something between brothers and uncles.

- But Frisk honestly gets along with everyone. Just like in UT, they’ve not only been adopted by Toriel but literally everyone.

- Toriel and Asgore’s relationship is not as bad as in the main game, since, you know, Asgore didn’t kill literal children, but there’s still tension between them. Back when Asriel and Chara died and the whole thing with the bad rep for the town began, Toriel felt betrayed by Asgore focusing more on the town than giving their deceased kids the grieving they deserved. They’re not divorced, but Toriel still moved out and said needed space to think. Now that Frisk is in the picture though, the both of them are slowly coming to even ground and may even be able to talk things out and clear up the uncertainty of their decisions.

Asgore:

-Asgore has his UT Ending / Deltarune clothes, just with a gardener’s belt.

- He’s the previous mayor of the town, but after all the crap that happened, he stepped down from the position. Now he has his own little shop and sells seeds, saplings, homegrown veggies and fertilizer. So, basically what e.g. the Marimba Farm is in HM AP

- His main customer is Papyrus and they’re on friendly terms. Asgore is worried about how much and how hard Pap works, so he often gives him a discount. 

- Since his family’s past tragedy, Asgore is kind of nervous around kids. So, when he first met Frisk, he hoped they’d not visit him too often. But to his chagrin, Frisk took an instant liking to him and spends a lot of time at his shop (and steals eats the fresh grown veggies). Now, he’s really grateful for that, because for one, he loves Frisk as dearly as he had his own children, and also because now the tension and mistrust between him and Toriel seem to grow smaller day by day.

Undyne&Alphys:

- I gave Undyne a pretty basic fisher’s outfit. Alphys basically has Elli from HM’s outfit, just a bit more doctory stuff added. She still has her canon lab coat too.

- In essence, Undyne and Alphys have 2 completely different jobs. Alphys is the resident doctor and Undyne runs the fish market.

Two things. Yes, I know Alphys is more a mechanic than a doctor, she fits the aesthetic though, so she’s the doc now. And no, Undyne being a fisherwoman is not cannibalism, think of it more as a shark hunting smaller fish.

- The reason I lump them together is because they act as the local “smithy”. Alphys is still really tech savvy in this (I mean, Mettaton is still part of this AU), so she takes on most problems with electronics and stuff. For Undyne, I didn’t want to lose her Royal Guard’s Captain image, so she’s really good at handling tools (and weapons, but Al doesn’t let her make them anymore). So basically, if there’s a broken tool, you can be sure that either Undyne or Alphys can fix it.

- As for relationships, those two are still an item. Alphys is still really shy and a shut-off, but since Undyne and Pap become best friends, she gets to know the skelebros better. She and Sans especially get along well, since most of the time Undyne and Papyrus are let loose, they sit back and talk about science-y stuff. (no, Sans doesn’t have a background in science but he’s still into sci-fi)

- Alphys has a bit of a strained relationship with both Asgore and Mettaton.

Back when Chara and Asriel died, it was because of “illness” (maybe poisoning?). Alphys feels awful because with her back then limited knowledge on medicine she couldn’t help the two. Asgore doesn’t hold anything against her but Alphys can’t help but feel guilty.

Alphys still built Mettaton’s body in this one. The two had a really big disagreement, because Mettaton hated the fact the town was going to close, and he couldn’t understand how Alphys could feel otherwise, even more so endorse the idea.

Mettaton, Napstablook, Mad Dummy/Mew Mew:

- Napsta and Dummy are pretty self-explanatory, they got straw hats. Mettaton’s outfit is a bit of a joke cos it’s a play on “work at the top and party at the bottom”. The tie has two different sides, one with the yellow red pattern, the other completely red. His “top part” is the business part, because when he’s on tv or in the mayors’ office, you don’t usually see his feet. The bottom is his party/dance part, cos his dancing/entertainment channels mostly feature his legs. 

- Mettaton, still a robot, Napstablook and Mad Dummy are all still cousins in this AU.

- Originally, they all lived and worked at the Blook Farm, the Animal Farm of this AU. Mettaton, however, despised that simple live and after befriending Alphys and her building him a body, he left the Farm to pursue bigger things. 

- Mettaton runs the local tv network. From weather to game shows, he does it all. He also runs the tailor shop in town that sells his designer clothes and merchandise. After Asgore stepped down, Mettaton also took over the role of town’s mayor and now works towards making the place more known again. Not everybody is happy with him doing that though.

- One of those people is the Mad Dummy. He can’t stand people anyways and he always claims that history would just repeat itself.

- Since the whole family is made of ghosts, they have different dummies and scarecrows they can use to take care of the animals. To mock Mettaton and kinda get back at Alphys for giving MTT such an opportunity, Mad Dummy found the blueprints for the Mew Mew robot and now modelled one of their scarecrows after it. 

- Napstablook isn’t fond of taking over obejcts like his cousins do, so he mostly takes care of the snails. Somehow, he can interact with them even when incorporeal. 

Muffet&Grillby:

- The two of them run the Inn together. Muffet cooks in the daytime and makes desserts, Grillby manages the bar in the evening. 

- The two still can’t really stand each other but working together like this benefits them both because their rivalry just spurs them on more.

- Even though Grillby is a patient person, somehow Muffet is the only person who riles him up enough to retaliate. (Well, maybe except for Sans, he’s a strong second).

So, basically everything between those two is a challenge in some way. Even if Papyrus doesn’t notice, even his cooking lessons are a challenge for them. 

- Even though they’re constantly bickering, after working together for so many years, there’s a strange level of respect and trust between them. Even if back when they first started this business, they’d pour salt into an already open wound, nowadays they’d know better and just take a step back from the other or even comfort the other (on very rare occasions only). 

Asriel&Chara:

- They be dead. Kinda.

Some Characters that’d live in that town too but that I haven’t made designs for:

- Gerson is the original smithy of the town. He’d grown up in a family of smiths, but he’d always had an appreciation for the sea. That’s why, when the town became more deserted and Undyne had a good enough skill level as smith, he took up the Captains hat and now mostly spends his days out on sea. He also ferries people to places if they need him to. Oh, and just like in canon, Undyne learned most of her skills from him.

- Burgerpants is a poor dude Mettaton basically kidnapped when he was trying to get fame in the city. Now Burgerpants works wherever MTT needs him to, be that as cameraman for the tv shows, cashier in his tailor shop or his slave secretary in the mayor’s office.

- MK is Frisk’s best kid friend. MK’s parents are in charge of shipping the goods out of town and paying the individual people. MK’s the one that usually collects the goods at the end of the day.

- Other than that, there are only a few people in town. I’d imagine the older folks or the really young families stayed in town after it was closed. I think the librarby dude would still run the library. Some Snowdin residents like the stone family or the dogs also might still live there.