#i love the world. i love people. you motherfuckers are killing everything and im not stopping you and you're getting in the way of me loving

[skrunksthatwunk]

not to doomer post. but. american politics is like here's a conservative warmonger who wants to burn you alive personally and here's a different conservative warmonger who definitely wouldn't stop someone from burning you alive BUT who might raise the minimum wage by $0.30/hour for you, but only like eight years from now (so re-elect me please!! >w<). yes one of them has to be president they are the only two options we'll let you have. no neither of them will stop the government from killing you or anyone else, but at least one will say "it's kind of bad to kill people :( someone should really do something about that..." while giving the people-killers $20,000,000,000,000 to keep doing it then saying they can't afford to help you at all, but oh shucks, maybe next cycle, if you vote for me again! and also everyone will pretend as though they are extremely different political entities covering two highly polarized ends of the political spectrum despite nearly identical policy views obscured by their slightly different ways of addressing their target audiences, many of whom are also conservative warmongers. and also if you don't vote or vote third party the other guy will win and you will watch as they burn everyone you love alive in the same way they've burned so many strangers so you kind of feel like you have to vote for the other warmonger because even though they both have blood on their hands you'll take a handshake over an uppercut. even if you can still see the bodies piling up behind them. even if you can only save like five people you know and not the thousands of people who are dying in the other room. because you believe the difference between 30,000 and 30,005 is still worth it even though no one needed to die in the first place and no one seems to agree with you. you have to keep living in this world every day. if anything changes it will take decades and it will never be enough. if this takes a toll on you good fucking luck surviving off the generosity of the warmonger state that claims to serve you. happy voting!!

[molqr]

the ask game. can we get the soy

of courseeee you can its always spy pussy indulgence hour here. or however the meme goes. smiles face

this is loooowwwngg so im putting it under a cut for any poor fucker who may stumble upon it when they open the app lmfao. thanks for the ask mr musichead aka heavy tf2's husband. grins

how i feel about this character - gestures to bio and pfp and everything about me. god. im sick in the head about her. i originally didnt like spy all that much but, like a horrible mold, he grew on me when i realised that while he claims to be better than everybody else, he really isnt. maybe even a bit worse, and god, isnt that just the funniest, stupidest fucking thing ever. have you heard some of those voice lines, shes a fucking clown. anyway. i love spy tf2 but also dear god i hate him. if he was real i'd throw a brick at him and then kiss him. terrible choice really but i wouldnt have it any other way. thank you shithead frenchman with terrible horrible problems i like to study. as for a more comprehensive thing though: i really do just think spy is interesting. i think its weird and fascinating that hes so put together and so off-putting all at once. i love thinking about what happened between him and scout's mother. i like making him a pathetic absentee father. i like that he has identity issues. i like that i can make her a woman. that spy can be a bit of a wreck and extremely put together at the same time, that when a character wants to keep everything a secret, any information you have on them feels personal. i like it when spy is written the way thick fog feels. oh and did i mention i desire him most horribly. id assume thats obvious by now. spy is like a rubix cube to me. a boring little square who i regretfully want to shoot my shot at piecing together despite the fact i am not good at puzzles.

all the people i ship romantically with this character - ME MOTHERFUCKER!! kiddinggg. well. its true, but heres a better answer. tf2 is like the yaoi franchise to me, and spy is the most yaoiful of all simply because i specifically want to suck face with him, therefore, i make him suck face with many others. gay, i know. i fuck with most spy ships really, as long as theyre Good then i'll give them a shot. engiespy and sniperspy are classic general go-tos, but well written spoovy? yummmm my fucking dinnaaarrr. i also think that demospy and soldierspy can be fun if gotten right, and pyrospy just because i think it's really fucking funny. oh right and of course spyma. christ. they make me feel sickkk and one of them is barely even a proper character. sad. endlessly intruiged by their love nonetheless <3 still gotta write a fic for them sometime, i want to chew on em like a dog with a bone.

my non-romantic otp for this character - while i did literally just mention spoovy lmfao, i also just like it when heavy and spy are just close friends. they have many layers! im a sucker for the idea of spy knowing russian and that's how they start talking. i think they'd be teerrrribllleee gossips it'd be great. heavy never thought he'd be glad nobody else on the base can speak russian until he started gossiping with spy about the things hes seen on base. i know they talk sooo much shiiittttt. they probably have a bookclub too. // i also really like it when spy and pauling get to be friends, i feel like they entered some sort of understanding that while its paulings job to kill him if he keeps on snooping around, spy is going to snoop around anyway and just hope that when it happens, pauling kills him painlessly. but thats all theoreticals, right now they're talking about nothing- both kind of infuriating and relaxing for the both of them- while disposing of corpses. yknow, people who acknowledge that they might hate eachother in a slightly different world but right now they're friends because they realised overworked, tired, definitely too smart for this but still here anyway style bitches have to stick together. i think about the 'youve lied for her then?' 'oh! uh! not to you of course!' ' ,':I mhm...' interaction a lot. spy doesnt take it personally because she knows thats just paulings job, shes not surprised. she gets to be annoyed about it though, and will then do the same thing to pauling. i like their friendship. smilllessss.

my unpopular opinion about this character - i originally couldnt think of something to say in regards to spy but then it hit me like a flash of lightning. i think people make too much dark spyhead content. and i dont understand acting like the blu spy is better than the red one when theyre the same lady. back on the head though. like i cant lie i have a paticularly weakness for it at times but theres So Much Hard Angst. and it usually makes medic overly sadistic and horrible about it when i know thats not the case. 'but he kept him alive in the fridge!' says a theoretical hater. engineer was smiling when he blew of a guys arm in meet the engineer. soldier cuts off the blu teams heads and collects them. truly you can make near everything shit scary about these guys, but i just want to see more silly spyhead stuff if its going to be done so much. not to say i hate it perse i think its really fun, it just veers really heavily into overly sadistic torture stuff really fast?? my feeling on it is 'guy who watches cartoon violence and says what the fuck thats so fucked up what the hell hes dead you just hit him with a huge hammer' or something. its meant to be silly and i get wanting to have a dark spin on it, you cant forget its still silly at its core. i feel like ive complained about this before. anyway. lollipop chainsaw his ass! let him get back at medic but not in a paticularly sinister way! like, i dunno, dyeing all his birds an ugly shade of green or something. this seems more like me complaining about a trope of spy uhhh whats something more general about him as a character. errr. hes not as put together as it might seem? i think he'd be a bit more bloodthirsty about killing people when its not neccesary on missions and its just gross and weird? that people need to like, play into his grossness a bit more because hes wearing a full piece suit on a battlefield i know hes gross and sweaty. oh and that he wouldnt try to parent scout once he(scout) figures out theyre related because scout is 27 and doesnt give a fuck anymore. spy would sorta feel the need to from guilt but scout doesnt want that father-son relationship with spy because its too late and too weird. its just that spy is trying to project almost thirty years of feelings by imagining his son needs a father in his life as much as spy wanted his son in his life. but its too late. is that an unpopular opinion? idk. i just like making spy more torn up about the absentee father issue than scout is because i think its true. yeagh. out of all of them i feel like this is relatively tame in the 'unpopular opinions' levels. i have way more hot takes about the others. shruggssss

one thing i wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon - more making fun of him. stomping on his ego. being afraid of pyro for no reason. acting like a weird cat. acting like he hates hanging out with the others when its obvious hes having fun deep down. getting to be a weirdo. i need to see what the finale of the 'pretends to be tom jones while scout is dying' thing is. my prediction is that soldiers going to talk about killing tom jones in comic 7 and scout goes WHAT!! BUT HE WAS THERE WHEN I DIED!! and it all comes piecing together and spy has a Horrible day. if it was up to me i'd get to see more of spy and scout's ma on dates too or something because i think theyre really cute. i want more people to mention he smells bad because of the cigarette breath and to have him wheezing and coughing and spluttering after every 5 breaths. can medic have an organ transplant hall of shame with 3 pairs of spys shrivelled lungs? please.

anyway. im very normal about The Soy.

i had to do something like this or id die. xoxo

oh and the ask game itself x <- behold

[cinnaminsvga]

zee. im just thinking. do you perhaps… remember…. that pirate yoongi fic you wanted to do? zee, the way it still has my whole heart. im not even pushing you to write it or anything i just want you to remember. the idea is a masterpiece zee, yoongi yearning for waitress yn in the inmese vast sea…. zee i can hear the waves and birds and the bustling bar and yoongi’s heartbeat when he sees her for the first time after months….. how hoseok knows whats going on and kinda everyone knows but hes his captain and as intimidating and powerful he comes off to everyone else he knows how awkward matters of the heart are for him, hes so quiet that its painful to see him so in love and unable to do shit about it, i can see yn smile being so bright and how she thinks yoongi is as handsome as ever, as charming and effortless charismatic, how he grabs everyone’s attention but is maybe too intimidating for anyone to actually go and interact to him and how the stares bother him, how it makes him itch to go run for the sea and sail far far away to places no one knows about and people so different and stuff so marvellous she cant even imagine, so shes just nice to him. what can she do? she cant compare to the inmense beauty of the world, shes just a girl he used to know, just the past, so she’s just nice to him. but she hopes that maybe, maybe she’s just nice enough for him to feel a bit at home. a bit at ease. and everyone keep telling her he’s here for her but they are just teasing. hoseok is just pushing it, and seokjin is an asshole, and jungkook just loves the drama. it cannot be. so she’s just nice, never desperate nice, never please stay nice, even though she’s dying to beg, so she doesnt stay long, just to make sure, and yoongi watches her leave with both regret and relief cause her presence is so overwhelming and hes already used to the yearning but by god he loves that woman and just wants a second more, of calm, of making sure she’s still everything she dreams of at the sea, and UGH ZEE its too good, im so grateful you thought about this.

THE WAY I WAS JUST THINKIN ABOUT PIRATE YOONGI BC I WAS GOING THROUGH MY OLD WIP TAG ON MY BLOG LMAOOOO

"how it makes him itch to go run for the sea and sail far far away to places no one knows about and people so different and stuff so marvellous she cant even imagine, so shes just nice to him" <- do you know how much this kills me. like you get it, anon. YOU GET ME!!!

I AM GRABBING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS. YOU GET HIM FR DAWG!!! THE FUCKING YEARNINGADKNGKSDJVD but oh GOD how they refuse to let themselves yearn bc they see each other as Untouchable but for totally different reasons.

"never please stay nice" is such a perfect description for pirate!yoongi's oc. like you get it. YOU GET IT. I THINK IM GOING THROW UP FROM HOW MUCH YOU GET IT!!!!!

and the worst part is that they can have each other sooooo easily. like nothing is keeping oc back home, and despite what yoongi and oc may think, nothing is keeping yoongi at sea either. they're both stubborn but out of selflessness bc they'd never be the reason either of them were the cause of regret.

they are literally "love me if you wish but please don't let me be the reason you give up being yourself" but then also "oh but my love i am not myself without you" AND IT TEARS ME APARTSDKFKSDKCS

head in hands, anon. head in my motherfucking hands.

[carebeartherese]

Semi-live blogging the finale of Loki:

-HERE WE GO

-hoping for Lokius this ep

-Im terrified and also have a whole monster in my system

-backwards intro????

-I BELIEVE IN YOU LOKI

-ok how we fix

-Aw mobius checking on him

-oh and he spaghettied again

-you got this Loki

-mobius is so confused

-also love the upbeat music

-confusing literally anyone

-skin? pt2

-again ig

-this shits not working

-love that mobius and sylvie are worried

-lmfao Loki is so tired of this shit

-mobius is so cute trying to help Loki

-NO NOT CENTURIES LATER

-what the hell is happening

-Loki is actually so funny rn

-wow he’s kinda hot when he’s smart

-NOT THE FINISHING MOBIUS SENTENCE

-NOT THE LAPELS GRAB

-THIS IS A CODE RED GAYS

-they should kiss already fr

-Aw the little arm grab

-OK I BELIEVE

-THIS MAY WORK

-GO GO GO GO GO

-GET IT TIMELY

-PLEASE

-“you’re being so brave.”

-the deadpan

-timely fighting for his life while Loki is so unenthused

-PLEASE LET THIS WORK

-HIT THE DAMN BUTTON

-EHATS HAPPENING

-DID IT WORK?????

-WE DID ITTTTTT

-COME BACK TIMELY

-HE MADE IT

-FUCK YES

-ITS WORKING HOLY SHIT

-THIS FEELS WAY TOO GOOD

-no

-no please

-this was supposed to work

-IT CANT BE OVERLOADING

-WE JUST FIXED KT

-EHAT THE FUCK

-MOTHERFUCKER

-timely no please

-not a scaling problem

-Loki is so tired man

-well it was nice knowing y’all ig

-why the fuck is the world like this

-now there’s no fixing

-wait i don’t wanna be back in the time tower thing

-PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS A SYLKI THING

-:0 MAYBE KILL HER???

-NO NO NO FUCK

-srsly how many times must we fight her

-maybe she does have to die if you want to stop everything

-is time frozen???

-ok he who remains is kinda funny

-Loki is literally so tired

-LET THE MAN REST

-reincarnation baby’s

-oh shit Loki can pause now

-damn

-hes kinda fine

-Alr chitchat time

-a failsafe??

-the tva is not easy to rebuild

-what about the people???

-“kiddo”,”champ”

-but why does he always loose

-where do we go from here??

-WHEN do we go from here

-wait break the loom?

-yea your friends would die loki

-tough choices = big chair

-ok let’s go find another way ig

-this sucks

-break loom or kill sylvie???

-wait this sucks actually

-wait mobius???

-Aw the og interrogation

-they should be gay already

-wow mobius is the one loki goes to for advice???

-oh mobius story time

-wait was the hunter mobius??

-dude this is crazy shit

-babygirl that was just a kid

-mobius are you ok

-NO I LOVE HIM

-oh that was ravonna!! who pruned that kid!!!

-mobius has some wise shit to say

-WAIT WHY DOES THIS FEEL LIKE A GOODBYE

-WAIT MOBIUS COME BACK

-omg he’s flashing back to the times he’s lost his people :(((

-oh wait he paused

-ok it’s either the loom dies or sylvie dies

-I feel like there’s probably a clear option bbg

-DONT KISS PLS

-this should end on friend terms

-you two are so fucking poetic and for what

-no don’t tell him that sylvie

-Loki make the right choice please and just kill her

-ok where are we going back to????

-and why???

-for what

-oh it’s all his people in one place :(

-NO NO LOKI

-mobius got worried

-LOKI STOP

-DUDE NO

-LOKI STOP BEING SO AMBIGUOUS

-both of them are so in love with him

-but which will he choose??

-love island shit

-while Loki fucking dies????

-THE HORNS

-HES BACK BITCH

-IM TERRIFIED

-THE TIMELINES ARE EVERYWHERE

-EHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

-this is spooky y’all

-ewwww bad noise

-what did he just do

-THE BRANCHES ARE DYING?????!

-hes aliving them???

-hes so babygirl

-I need him to make a choice in lovers tho

-LOKI WHERE ARE YOU GOING

-YOURE LEAVING YOUR LOVES BEHIND

-NO NO NO

-WHAT IS HAPPENING RN

-no HES the new time bitch

-Im actually so scared

-no no he can’t stay here at the end!

-NO HE CABT BE ALONE THIS ISNT FAIR TO HIM

-HE CANT HOLD TIME TOGETHER ALONE

-what in the seven fucks is happening

-not after

-this shit is unfair

-POOR MOBIUS

-hes just lost the only friend he ever had

-how do these people live without the one person holding them together

-HE REQUESTED LOKIS FILE

-not to be a bitch but it should’ve been sylvie

-HES LEAVING??

-FOR WHERE

-HE JUST WANTED TO BE WITH HIS FUCKING BOYFRIEND AGAIN

-ok I love you b-15 but he is heartbroken fr

-THE LACK OF LOKIUS IS HURTFUL TO ME

-wow the war room is pack today

-aww hi OB

-HES MAKING NEW COPIES

-victor grew up a candle maker

-ravonna is at the end of time!!!!!!!!

-hahahahah bitch

-oh she’s boutta get eaten

-MOBIUS PLAYING WIRH HUS KIDS

-HES SO FATHER FIGURE

-aww look at present mobius

-ugh why is sylvie here

-NO SHIT ITS WEIRD LOKI ISNT HERE

-mobius seems more fucked up about this than I thought he’d be

-meanwhile sylvie is fine

-oh Loki check-up????

-hes doing???

-hes alive I guess???

-did he see mobius????????

-I cannot believe that’s the end omfg

-Im kinda upset that I got queerbaited again but like I knew it was gonna happen 🤷‍♀️

[butcherfoxes]

GRGRGGFGH ok so bioshock right. Well eleanor lamb is from bioshock 2 but the base knowleghe you need of bioshock is that This Motherfucker made a city underwater bc he sucks ass. and used the final pam morals of No Rules Just Right. WELL they discover The Slug That Gives You Superpowers and go hrmm how could we make a profit from this (the city is capitlism world except its worse than captilism bc the guy thought american captilism was Too good to poor people) anyway so they figure out if they put the slug in little girls they can make super power drugs. WELL now they have a bunch of freakish little girls running around and people keep killing the little girls to get the drugs which is No Bueno. so theyre like “hey!! lets take our prisoners and brainwash them so heavily they genuinely cant think of anything Except protecting the girls!” yay! ok so this chick Sofia Lamb comes to rapture to be an awesome psychiatrist who loves to help poor people and also shes a single mom. Well andrew ryan the guy who made the city is like hrm. helping poor people is bad. and has her arrested. and then custody of her daughter Eleanor goes to this other chick who Loses Her Immediately and now shes being taken care of by this other guy whos like man fuck them kids and sells eleanor to the little sister orphanage which is really a sort of factory to make the freak girls. except this is Before they figure out the “brainwash prisoners to protect the girls” so theyre still figuring that out. WELL they figure it out by expirimenting on this one guy Yay! so they do it some more to other guys and As It Turns Out if the brainwash dudes get seperated from their little sister too long they either Die or Go Insane oh fuck! anyway back to subject delta whos the first guy to have that bond and eleanor the first one to. also have that bond. ok so now eleanor is Really attatched to subject delta and calls him her father also shes like 7 years old. anyway so theyre chilling Yayy! except her mother sofia lamb escapes from prison and is like fuck youuu die thats MY daughter. die. forever. and kills subject delta and does Things so that eleanor isnt a little sister anymore shes just a little girl. ok so while delta is dead sofias like hrmm wouldnt it be awesome if we created the perfect person whos super awesome by injecting them with Every Drug? well this goes bad. also sofia is a cult leader now. so sofias like Well eleanor my young daughter should be immune to the drug bc she was exposed to the drug. so actually im going to raise my daughter completely isolated from everyone so she wont be tainted and the cult is going to revolve around this little girl sacrificing herself to be the perfect most special guy in the world. yay! Well 10 years pass eleanor is a Teenager now and figures out how to revive subject delta bc kind of her mom sucks. this is the start of the plot of bioshock 2 Well subject delta goes on this epic journey to save his adoptive daughter and makes Moral Decisions which is to say the player gets to make moral decisions. and this seemingly effects nothign until closer to the end where when (spoilers) delta saves eleanor by turning her into a badass big sister (girls with big knives) u get little Hints of oh ! oh my choices mattered ! bc eleanor will either be viscously murdering everything in her path Including Children and laughing maniacally abt it OR going lalala..dont hurt my dad ok..and i save the children..anyway skip to the end there are like a bunch of endings but the one my profile pic is inspired by is where (more spoilers) subject delta dies but also so does eleanors mom But Also so do all the little sisters but eleanor escaped the city so eleanor is Completely Alone and also she was born and raised in the city so this is her first time on the surface and basically bioshock 2 is like undertale 5 years before undertale

jaw dropp...this sounds so interesting ill likely never get into bioshock but that sounds cool as hell

[ronkeyroo]

Know what I think is both sad and hilarious? If Verstael hadn't set Ardyn on the path of vengeance as well as absorb Infrit's memories.....he could have been a 2,000 year old hottie just roaming the world with the expression of "i'm so done with this shit". Just this cocktail of depression and a slight lack of empathy with a dash of "fuck off".

Like, "Oh, YOU think you go it bad?! Yes, tell me how you were literally backstabbed back your own brother who also killed your fiance and then turned everyone your ever helped against you to the point they threw rocks and crap at you before being dragged off onto an island where you were left in total isolation for CENTURIES only to be rescued by this short little blond shit speaking gibberish who won't stop poking and proding you in the name of science and war?"

"Ummmm....."

"That's what I thought." The proceeds to just down a bottle of wine before going out to sleep in his car.

He'd be that cynical uncle who has ptsd, depression, and conspiracy theories. Which is ultimately sad and just horrible but like...can you imagine the dialog with other people?!? 😂 Just this whole attitude of, "Oh we're in an apocalypse? Shiiit, drink up and smoke 'em it you got 'em. This is going to be one hell of a ride."

ANON YOU ARE SO RIGHT IT MIGHT AS WELL BE CANON holy FUCK.

Dude his past hurt and resonated with me so fucking much, im still heartbroken. He's been through such unjust shit,,i want to give him everything from the life that was stolen from him to therapy and self care and the meanest- heart cleansing bj for real

i CRINGED SO BADLY when Verst' found him, tortured and alone, after all those years, and literally used Ardyn's pain against him like that. Like If i were Ardyn, i'd still be hot on revenge even if i wasnt manipulated into it, especially after the unforgivable shit somnus pulled out of his ass, but verstael just threw gasoline in those wounds man. Motherfucker literally used him as a weapon for his own gain and I wish someone better was there to find him first...Imagine the POTENTIAL, muah, delicious.

This HC of Ardyn you shared with me is SO well fleshed out and accurate to his character that i can see it ANIMATED and HEAR IT IN HIS VOICE HGGHFNF. Like imagine that half drunk, half spiteful chug of wine at the end of his rant followed by a tipsy head tilt and a dissatisfied, squinting glare before turning away with a "hmph". UGH i love him. I love him in any way. I love him when he's trash jesus and when hes hobo man. Its awful that he suffers in like most of those AU's but i will love him through it all ANYWAYS.

THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS WONDERFUL BIT, I SHALL BE THINKING OF IT FOR TIME TO COME

[majoringinsarcasm]

Oh I’m gonna fucking cry. That really was the last story she read to them before leaving

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK NOT TAI NOT SAD DAD SHIIIIIIT

She’s lying this isn’t an Oz mission. Does she leave her emblem behind on each mission is that the promise. She leaves it with the girls and picks it back up when she comes back that’s the promise is this a routine. I’m gonna throw up

OH MY FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOD ROSEBIRD USER IS GONNA FUCKING DIE RAVEN RAVEN KNEW

IM. speechless this is everything

I’m gonna THROW UP

IM LITRRWLLT I’m shaking what the fuck

Is. Is he gonna die. Are they. Are they really gonna kill him is the saving a sacrifice I’m gonna

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK CAL IS GONNA SHIT HOLY FUCK

Please now iM THE ONE WHO CANT DO THIS PLEASE

STOOOOOOOOP IM CRYING

SHUT UP SHIT UP SHIT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP ATOP STOP

RED LIKE ROSES PART THREE IS THAT YOU MY BELOVED IS THAT YOU WHAT WEVE BEEN WAITING FOR MY DEAR

IM STILL WORRIED ABOUT JAUNE IF HE FIES I WILL NOT BE OK EVER AGAIN

TUBY FIDNT FIE BC SHE DRANK THE TEA WE STILL DONT KNOW IF ALYX BEVAME ANYTHING AFTER THE CAR KILLED HER IF HE FIES WILL HE STAY. DESD FOR REAL

The fact that she’s smiling as she grabs crescent rose. It’s so hard to save people it’s So hard to fight a battle you think you can’t win it’s so hard to believe you aren’t the cause for misery. But Ruby MADE that weapon. That is part of her bc she put her love into making it all on her own. The burden will always feel heavy. She’s not strong enough to do it alone but she’s not alone. She’s strong enough to carry herself though. She’s Enough and she ALWAYS HAS BEEN EVEN WHEN SHE FAILED I CANT SEE IM CRYING SO MCJJ

Y’all don’t understand how. Fuck dude. Ruby is my favorite character after Penny like Penny is S+++ and Ruby is right after her. This volume has meant so much to me and to not only see her SMILING IN A FIGHT I don’t think we’ve seen her GRIN like that in a deadly fight that’s usually Yang. To see her be so confident with HER weapon. You can come back to yourself. You can forgive yourself. You can have all the support in the world but supporting yourself is so hard and she thought she lost it she thought she had to be someone else in order to be better. But she didn’t. All she needed was actual time to grieve. To breathe. To be alone with herself to GIVE HERSELF MORE CREDIT TO LOVE HERSELF AS SHE IS SHE NEEDED TO LOVE RUBY ROSE AND JUST

I took my glasses off bc I just the tears

You ARE enough. Just as you are. We grow and change with time. We make mistakes. We WILL fail. But we are enough even in failure bc there is always another chance to do better. To be better FOR OURSELVES

LMAO FJDKDBDJDNDJFNDJDJNDJDJDJD NEO???!!?

So I’m pausing right here to say something I know people won’t like and I’m NOT trying to justify anything. But I’m going to say this: You can regret hurting someone very badly. You can regret hurting someone who you sincerely wanted to hurt. This won’t earn forgiveness. This won’t earn sympathy. Regret is a feeling you carry On Your Own. It won’t erase past actions. It won’t dictate how others see you in the future. It won’t make those you hurt forgive or even care about your sad backstory. But you can FEEL regret. Regret is not something you have to earn. It’s just a feeling you have. What you do with that regret is ALSO on you and if nobody ever forgives you then feeling regret doesn’t mean they should.

But Neo is allowed to feel regret. It doesn’t change what she did or how people will feel about her. It wasn’t written to make people feel BAD for her. It’s just showing she is capable of regret. Doesn’t erase the gleeful murders. Doesn’t erase what she did to Ruby. It’s just a Feeling.

No motherfucking way. Oh my god Cal must be convulsing holy shit bricks no WAY

This episode is W for everyone so FAR BUT IM STILL SCARED FOR JAUNE

BABY BABY BABY BABY

CUT THE CAMWRAS IM GONNA XEH AGAIN

THEY HAVE A LITTLE CAPE

THE HEART RARELY FORGETS

Sorry I was crying so much about Somewhat I forgot the actual lore of the show lemme pay attention

The brothers CAME FROM THE TREE

Damn thank you Blacksmith for giving us the stopping Salem from ending the world or whatever she actually wants to do cheat code

THIS WILL BE THE DAY I HEAR YOU

MY BOY MY BABY BOY THERE HE IS THERES MY SPECIAL LITTLE GUY

Ok so it’s kinda like Narnia it seems. The trip happened for all of them but maybe once they leave they will pop out with not a lot of time passed?

NO IM NOT READY FOR THIS TO BE OVWR NOOOO

Fuck me man

I am forever changed I truly think something healed today

[noorkasamundar]

~im patched up, and sewed with scars all over again, it hurts~

I can feel my palpable hunger. It's growling slowly, softly eroding the acid in my stomach. But this is not about food. This is not about how much I long to be fed and cared for. This is about me doing nothing to curb my insane hunger. Nothing at all. I cannot leave my seat until it is time for me to eat. I am not allowed to eat before that. My existence means nothing earlier than the time assigned to me.

I am external to my own hopes and feelings. I am a creature of habit, lost and so fucking confused because all my patterns are changing now. I don't bite all my nails off at once. I'm eating and sleeping and living. What the actual fuck? Where are my habits, pulling me into those cyclical bouts of depression and anxiety?

Wait, slow down.

Numbness engulfs me. I want love. Someone to hold and kiss. Oh gosh, this is crazy. Did you know insane people dress really well? I cleaned and ate and worked and I'm breaking all my natural habits to co-exist with criminals.

Criminal behavior is cool. I want to kill them. Preferably kill me, burn all my notes to the fucking ground, and forget I ever felt a single fucking thing.

I'm so lonely. I'm laughing internally. No, those are tears of blood. Fuck, Fuck, Shit. Ha ha ha.

I stole shit when I went shopping. I steal things and cry about pants that don't fit my ugly legs anymore. Self-deprecation is so much fun! Ha, you thought I was getting better. What in the world does getting better even mean?

I am literally a social construct and would not exist if everything never existed and existence is so taxing. I need sleep. I want to kill you, maim your skin with scars given from a Swiss knife. I carry poison around like it's something to be proud of.

FUCK, FUCK, SHIT.

Bye bye bye.

Materialistic shit is so fucking cool. Buy me stationary thanks, wait not those pens. My favorite color is green, idiot.

Do you think Dolphins know they will all die one day? I want to taste pizza with ketchup again. Let's get pizza and watch the stars and no, never mind, you remind me of my dead father.

Grave? Oh you mean mine? Yeah, it's already prepared. A death note, a step-by-step process. I intend to be a rich dead motherfucker that takes her own life. Gunshot to the head, blood names on the walls, and a shit ton of cash floating in that bloody bath.

Blood money. Use it at will.

Bye bye, fuck.

[fecto-forgo]

Top 5 arthurian knights

OOOO I NEED TO RESTART MY READING STUFF FOR ARTHURIANA...

starting from 5 bc thats more fun -3-

5.this one changes every week today im feeling tristan tbh! funny guy loves his wife his uncles a bitch ass motherfucker id punt on sight.id never punt tristan tho ♥️ his character dynamics are all rly cute

4.maleagant bc my character taste is rancid sometimes (i mean like...kotc maleagant not those weird serial rapist takes on him that make him extremely awful for shock factor) stupid couldnt win a single fight and probably tortures people whenever his dad forgets his birthday because hes fantasizing about having lancelot as his kid instead.dumbass.i wanna shake him like the skrunkly.

3.lionel i dont actually have a reason i just wanna shake him in a pringles can but a little more gently.hes funny.

2.agravaine my boy agravaine...hes so endearing he deserves the world and all the validation he wants.he should get to kill people as much as he wants.wish i could give him an entire essay but my brains a bit empty on him rn its the adhd :( he probably has a personality disorder (source my best friend who has one lol)

1.mordred its always mordred its always about him.hes the og of hating your parent so much you decide to kill them.so easy to put your mental illness in.an icon of being spiteful and mean.probably also has a personality disorder (JESTING AROUND AS SOMEONE WHO HAS ONE ALSO) i think if you need a reference for how i picture him idylls of the queen is pretty close, toafk has a couple psychological stuff i actually use for my interpretation of him (mostly him being over sensitive and taking offense at everything he thinks is against him even when its obviously not)(my best friend once decided to check for a joke if toafk mordred fits the criteria for my disorder and he fit the whole thing that was funny) but d.dont read toafk dont do that.nobody deserves that.just ask me ok ♥️

[tarobytez]

disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant. 

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist. 

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is. 

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”. 

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me. 

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.  

Oh fucking boy. 

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully. 

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled. 

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability. 

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community. 

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged. 

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people. 

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted. 

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows. 

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

[zachsreaderinserts]

dream, sapnap, and c!technoblade x abused! reader

what better way to unpack my twauma then by making it into a headcannons list? i’ll see myself out

wc: 1,146

DREAM

this motherfucker right here, your honor, will go absolutely batshit insane

how fucking dare someone hurt you? like, to him, you’re his world and then some. the idea of someone hurting you physically, mentally, or any kind of -ly, will make him go feral

of course, he’ll keep it in at first. if you came to him with this around the start of the relationship, he’ll respect that boundary. he doesn’t want to scare you away, after all

if you’re anything like me, you’ll probably be in tears telling him this. reliving something so traumatic and horrible, something so painful, is hard to do and retelling it would always make you cry, no matter how long ago it happened

seeing this, dream would probably grab you and hold you close, tucking your head into his chest. he can’t say he’s the best at comforting people, but he really does try. he would rub your back and whisper words of encouragement

it didn’t really click until one time when you two were playing minecraft on your shared console together. you had just successfully beaten the wither in your survival world and dream decided it would be sick to high five you.

turning in your direction, he raised a hand and watched in horror as you sucked in a sharp breath and flinched away from him.

he dropped his hand instantly and backed up a little, face struck with disbelief. someone had hurt you that way. someone hit you and made you scared of simple hand movements.

it took him all but three seconds to be on top of you, apologizing at a rapid fire speed while cradling your face. he peppered kisses like it was his lifeline and made sure that when he was done, not a hint of fear was in your expression.

he may not be able to comprehend it at first, but once he does, he will make sure every moment is dedicated to showing you that he would never treat you like that.

and if he finds out who your old s/o was? lets just say that we’re gonna have a glimpse of smp!dream irl

SAPNAP

baby boy. the man, big teddy hunky himbo guy, will also get extremely pissed. unlike dream, he would express it outwardly.

he has a huge sense of loyalty to people who treat him great. you’re dating him, therefore he feels the need to find your ex and carve out the alphabet on their body with a knife.

he won’t do it, for obvious legal reasons, so he settles for aggressively making sure that you know you’re loveable. hugs, kisses on the face, kisses on the neck. sex. the whole nine yards.

he’s not one for using his words, bc his actions speak louder, so he settles for a tight squeeze of a hug after you told him what you’ve gone through. it’s what he feels like is the best thing he can do for you.

one morning, you’re feeling particularly sluggish and such. you’re busy making your breakfast of choice when sapnap walks in. he seems like a morning person, so the mans is bubbly.

he goes to mess up your hair but stops himself short when you practically bash your head into the cabinet to get away from him. out of instinct, an “i’m sorry” spills from your lips and you look close to tears as you say it.

he just stands there, brain catching up and making the connection between what you told him and your knee jerk reaction to a hand reaching out to you. and for a second, he looks furious.

not at you! never at you, no, no, no. he’s furious at your past ex and how much of a douchebag they were. how evil they had to be to be able to do something like this and make you terrified of friendly gestures

so sappigus grabs your wrist gently and tugs you until you arms length away from one another. instead of a kiss or a hug, he stares into your eyes and with a serious tone of voice, says

“i will never let anyone else hurt you like how they did. i promise.”

im tearing up just thinking about this BITCH WHERE IS MY FUCKING WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT--

sapnap feels your pain and will never go a day without reminding you of how much he is willing to do to ensure your safety. he will go into every day saying that he loves you and ends every night with a hug or railing the fuck out of you. your choice.

C! TECHNOBLADE

blood man. blood god. e man. e boy? e. yeah, he’ll kill something. 100% after you’ve told him, he’ll probably need a place to go take his anger out. that cow farm near l’manberg looking mighty sexy rn--

we all know that techno is probably one of the most loyal bitches in the smp. he has an unofficial claim over the people he loves and you’re included in that.

so the idea of someone meeting you before him and having the absolute gall to beat you like you mean nothing infuriates him.

whenever he’s cooled down, he’ll come back (covered in cow blood probably--) and will pull you into his lap and sit there, hunched over you as if he were protecting you from the world.

and you’d probably appreciate it, nuzzling back into his body. you feel safe in his arms and he feels safe knowing that you’re in his arms.

techno and you typically make potions together in your free time. you both just like to stare at the shimmery liquids and swirl them around. while he’s working on a potion of strength, he realizes that you have the blaze powder in front of you but you’re not longer using it.

when he reached over, all you could comprehend was that there was something moving near your face that slightly resembled a hand, and you just panic. you let out a small yelp-like sound and darted you head backwards, looking over frantically.

techno and you just stare at one another, your expression quickly morphing from fear to guilt at how horrified he looked. techno moved quickly and shoved aside the potion you were working on and kneeled in front of you.

the voices were going rapid fire in his brain as he pulled you into a hug and tucked your head into his neck, grounding you and reminding you that you’re fine. everything’s okay now that he’s here.

“i will never leave you if you want me to stay.”

he’d pull back and plant a kiss on your lips quickly before his smile turned a little less sweet and a little more murderous.

“so, what was your ex’s name again?”

there’s no cars in minecraft but you bet your ass he will somehow commit vehicular manslaughter.

[delilahfairchild]

hi request anon here im fine with it being without enemies to lover banter

writing prompts/tips requests are opened (ask box)

enemies to lovers prompts + dialogues

situation prompts

instead of the common "hero helped the villain become better while in a relationship" what about "hero and villain become lovers and take over the world together"

you give your enemy a small gift because they had saved your life. your enemy looks for a second before taking the gift and kisses your hand

unlike common lovers who gift each other cute flowers, chocolate, etc... you and your enemy have an "aggressive" taste in gifts: daggers that make the wound bleed more, necklaces/rings that contain poison, white roses painted in blood, etc...

we both go to a masquerade ball for a mission, without each other's knowledge. when i stepped in the room in my ball gown i immediately saw you looking at me from several feet and holy fuck you look good in your tux/gown

alternatively, you found a moment to discreetly pull me out of the room because you don't want me to be there with those dangerous and cunning people all around me

your enemy rescue you out of the burning building, but when you realized that your friends are still inside you do everything you can to get yourself out of their grip. you kick, you scream, you even threaten to kill your enemy right at the spot, but they would not let you go. when the building exploded and caught you off guard, you saw that your enemy was shielding you with their body (author's note: i know i am getting repetitive with the shielding thing but i just love this trope okay???)

i have you at knifepoint and i am talking about how you didn't take me seriously during our joint mission and you motherfucker is just smiling and complimenting my dress so i stab you and disappear please don't pull out the knife you idiot or you will bleed to death and i don't want you dead yet (@screnwriter i did it)

one of the evil guys has you in his sniper gun but you don't know it. before that guy kills you your enemy puts a bullet in his skull and you are like you bastard that guy was mine to kill

that night your enemy shows up on your doorstep after a nasty breakup. out of pity, you let them in to sleep on your couch. the next morning when you wake up you discover that they have eaten your leftovers pizza. that moment you want to wake that motherfucker up and tear their limbs to limbs

dialogue prompts

"what do you want to do?" "blow up [name's] car maybe? that bastard crashed my motorcycle last week" "okay let's go *takes the oil can*"

"you call that a gift??? for saving your life?? such a poor excuse of a gift my dear" "if you don't want it i will take it back thank you" "i have never said that give me the box *take the gift and kiss your palm*" "*blushes*"

"my love, i get you your favorite red roses" "thank you but why does it smell weird?" "oh, i painted it with [some bitch's name] blood. heard that she stole your gun yesterday" "*falls in love*"

"[enemy's name] you are starring" "it doesn't help that you look like a vicious goddess from hell in that dress, my dear"

"look i need you to leave this building immediately" "i can handle myself" "but those are dangerous people i already have this mission" "then what? it's not like you are not dangerous as fuck, and i am talking to you right now" "no you don't understand. one of them has a fucking bomb that can explode, so i need you to leave, right now"

"LET ME GO YOU BASTARD" "love, it's burning i can't get you go in there" "MY FRIENDS ARE STILL IN THERE I CAN'T LET THEM" *building explodes*

"if i were you, i would wait until a medic goes by to pull this out, so don't do this. it would be a shame to see you die easily like this, i would keep the fun of killing you for later"

"you literally STABBED me. COULDN'T YOU NOT???" "for the record you wouldn't shut your damn mouth, so that was well-deserved"

"you should have wait for it. i would have enjoyed killing him very slowly. "and risk having him killed you?"

*repeatedly hit your sleeping enemy's with a pillow* "that was for my pizza you motherfucker"

spoilers: your enemy did, in fact, survive the attack and as a cheeky ass they are they also pulled you into bed with them.

i had so much fun writing this and i may do a part 2 with nsfw content. i apologized again for not fulfilling your first request anon tell me if you want a different list 😭😭

[pndnj]

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend. 

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41-  1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t  no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec,  get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone  I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone,  it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up,  a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't  the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all,  I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker,  i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun,  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some,  get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice,  i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon,  this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles  in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

[stimmingandshifting]

streamer dr :)

im a smaller variety streamer, mowothman. i stream primarily story based games (i infodump about undertale), minecraft, and nonograms (in which i listen to something or just ramble or sometimes it’s just quiet). my fanbase is primarily other trans autistics. we have stim breaks. i pride myself on a personal connection with my audience, and often have very small streams where i just talk with chat and hang.

my closest friends are the four other people on the azalea smp, a wholesome smp with a little plot (might be more lore in the future thanks to trax) based around the cottagecore aesthetic and connection with nature and each other. all the creators are trans and most of us are autistic.

so the people who basically became my best friends and family:

Me: mothmanvibes, called moth. They/he, transmasc. I know my own personality writing it down makes me feel like a character instead of just another me. But I’ve been streaming for around a year now, got popular over minecraft tiktok where i just made dumb memes about how being a miner and a flower picker is wild because i just keep collecting things and then fucking dying. Newest member of asmp. Chill fanbase

AzaleaFlowers: he/him, trans man. Azalea, Az for short. Natural leader, calm, collected. flower crown with a blank expression. Fairly quiet, much better with a plan than not, posts on YouTube more than streaming because of that. Has a kill button on his desk for when things get too much and he has to end stream. Sort of underground but everyone that knows him LOVES him. Super chill fanbase, almost entirely trans and autistic, lots of fan interaction over tumblr. Met me through TikTok, commented “trans autistic miners” and we quickly bonded over shared passions and started streaming together. Az much prefers being on others streams than his own, so he’s on mine quite a bit. Dude I can’t express how much I love this guy he’s so chill the kind of person you could sit in silence with and not feel awkward. organizes everything

Shaber: she/her, nonbinary transfemme. Shae. The builder to my miner, platonic wife. My first friend besides az on the server, always helped me feel included and not lost. Small fanbase that would commit so many murders for her. She’s so nice she’s like “im going to make houses for my friends :)” and everyone even people who have never seen her content before swear their lives to her. I want to kiss her /p. yt is mostly build tutorials and vids of the asmp. i have not accurately explained how much i love shae she is the light of my life my best friend my favorite person. we’re both arospec and bad at differentiating attraction so like. are we dating? not to my knowledge but i don’t really care i love her very much

BeaBoi: they/he, transmasc. Bea. motherfucker /lh we have a sort of joking rivalry because we’re both the smartass they/he math gay but I would kill for them. sibling energy honestly this shit is a dumb bitch and i love him. makes fun of me for mining tons of shit and never using it but they rely on my redstone to make funky music contraptions so suck on that you fuck. Feral cottagecore. Only really got into the smp originally bc he’s long time friends with az, but genuinely loves it and brings an element of humor and lightheartedness.

abandonedtraintrax: they/xe, agender, trax. cryptid. knows fuckign everything about everyone. no stream schedule, they disappear for a month and then boom 10 hour stream. The adventurer. Online for 23 hours but no one sees xem but then there’s just one message in chat saying “i found another totem”. genuinely a very nice person, very quiet. Very dry humor, quiet in vc and then suddenly makes a comment that has everyone wheezing. the one making some vague sort of lore- living up to xir name, they’ve been making abandoned monuments and leaving little codes. Xe won’t even tell us. Their yt channel is mostly a series of videos of recounting the “history” of abandoned monuments and temples in one mc world. there are entire tumblr blogs dedicated to figuring that out

[transsexualhamlet]

001 for bsd 002 for dead apple trio 003 for shibusawa <33

Hihihi!! :3 :3 Ask game

001: BSD

Favorite character: It would be very difficult to come up with a favorite character of all time for bsd theres just SO many blorbos to choose from but um. Fyodor is my top blorbo

Least Favorite character: This is a no brainer but I just cannot stand fukuchi I know there's a lot of points about legitimate political themes but also I'm sorry I cannot take an old man who makes fart jokes seriously about anything

5 favorite ships: Fyogol Fyozai Atsuluaku (I think lucy could fix shin soukoku) dead apple trio and the whole DOA polycule ehehe gay people

Character I find most attractive: chuuya HANDS DOWN. No argument I will not be taking constructive criticism I am on my knees for this man

Character I would marry: ALSO CHUUYA but if i had to choose someone different, Lucy. I love them both so fucking much and I think they are actually good loveable fun and interesting people

Character I would be best friends with: Akutagawa or Fyodor. My type of best friend is wet cat i picked up out of the gutter I would fix them up good I promise

A random thought: God the tik tok fandom of bsd is absolutely rancid and it's really just a wasteland of people fighting each other tooth and nail for chuuya nakahara custody since literally everyone is convinced they're the only one who understands him and then proceeds to give the worst takes ever on him

Unpopular opinion: Mori is in general a good person and he really and truly wants the best for the city and for the world and the world he lives in has forced him to make very bad decisions, he has decided to be the bad guy for the world to function and near anyone else in his position would fucking crumble. He is fair and kind and allows the least amount of suffering possible though he knows that he does not deserve forgiveness for the things he has had to do. Without him the world would go to shit so fast.

Canon otp: I mean, there's not any canon ships in bsd really, but in terms of Most canon I would probably consider fukumori or shin soukoku? I love soukoku too but you know im Picky about it

Non-canon otp: ah yes the these characters have had One (1) interaction but they're fucking. Fyoya and Nikozai and also Sigzai i fucking love them

Most badass character: IM SORRY BRO ITS STILL HANDS DOWN CHUUYA HES TAKING ALL THE AWARDS TONIGHT CHUUYA CAN USE ME AS A FUCKING DOORMAT

Most Epic villain: Nikolai ofc he's 100 percent the most unhinged motherfucker in the cast and I am bonded to him on a molecular level Help

Pairing I am not a fan of: I feel like I've been over this a lot and at this point I just don't wanna make anybody sad bc I know people who ship just about everything sane and normal so you know you do you as long as it's not fucking gross yknow

Character I feel the writers screwed up: Teruko could have been an absolute girlboss if they didn't give her the. I don't know the. The Fukuchi Thing why did they do that seriously what why

Favorite friendship: Yes yes Dazai and Oda very much so Dazai and Oda but hAVE YOU CONSIDERED Chuuya and the flags. I'm all holding them so tightly you don't even fucking understand. They're so important

Character I most identify with: :|. Nikolai and Dazai. I should not be allowed in public spaces

Character I wish I could be: YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO IM GONNA SAYITS FUCKING CHUUYA. There's not many people in bsd whose situations/mental states I really envy tbh. Dazai is crusty and sad and I don't want to ever see the state of his apartment. Fyodor is even sicker than me. Akutagawa's on the brink of death at all times. Being Ranpo would kill me because I would not be able to keep up the illusion of having an ability and I wouldn't be able to handle the thought that I didn't have one and everyone else did. All my kins are so sad and sick and in awful situations except CHUUYA who is being BADASS and MAKING BANK and GETTING BITCHES. Yes, he has obviously had so much tragedy in his life and he has very much suffered but the fact remains that he has gone through it and come out even stronger than before. He's such a guy I want to be him so bad

002: Dead Apple Trio :))

When I started shipping them: Literally the second I met these guys I was like Oh They're Fucking. All thru the first time I watched dead apple it just. More and more. These fuckers gay as shit

My thoughts: I looove them so much and they are so fucking terrible they're awful people and they love terrorism and genocide and being queercoded villains. They're in their big gothic spire doing gay crimes. Everything they do is labeled under 'consensual but not safe or sane'

What makes me happy about them: I love thinking of them all as some flavor of transfem nonbinary and they are so queer and gnc girlbosses that did nothing wrong they're so important to me shibusawa designed their wedding dresses and dead apple is the honeymoon

What makes me sad about them: I mean, I usually just call them girlbosses and call it a day but the thing is, the one thing that really brings them together is their fucking mental illness. Without unmedicated depression, unconventional takes on religion, and several personality disorders each, those three would never even talk to each other. The reason they care so much for each other is because they're the only ones who truly understand each other, they can see through each other's lies and straight to their rotted empty fucking ribcages. They only come together when they're at their absolute worst. They probably met at a sleazy gay bar and if it weren't for all their own grand schemes, at the slightest negative emotion they would just meet up there again and lace all their drinks with cyanide

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I mean. There's like 20 fanfics in the dead apple trio tag total, and 90 percent of them annoy the shit out of me, but yknow. I don't like it when they treat Dazai like some sort of victim in this situation, like, no he is 100 percent into this. This is normal for him and he signed up to get stabbed. Also people who think Shibusawa tops anyone are dumb as shit look at those acrylic nails sh;drgsfdoig

Things I look for in fanfic: IF IT'S NOT PRETENTIOUS AS SHIT, I'M NOT INTERESTED HSDIFHDS but seriously I think the important thing to realize is that this trio is that they're each other's bad habit. Most of the time they're totally clean of each other but every once and a while they will just fall into that hole again and come together to dig it deeper and deeper. They're awful for each other and nothing can save them. As much as the porn is good I wish there were more fics that had actual plots for them

My wishlist: I mean. Shibusawa is kind of dead for realsies now so it's not like they'll meet again anyway and I don't think I need them to be any more canon than they are, yknow? That's how I feel with most of my ships because like. There's already soo much subtext there for me, but if it was explicit, it would literally just be demonizing queer people and queer relationships and would be taken completely wrong and I think. It's just fine the way it is bc to me it is very clear they're gay sdhighdfs

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: I mean,, I don't know if I can really see a hypothetical Happy Ending for any of these guys. Perhaps there might be one for Dazai, if he can keep his shit together from now on, but not for both. I really do like the idea of both Fyodor and Dazai living and having to attempt to fix each other together, I really do, although I don't think Nikolai would survive in that situation :(, but that's not something that would happen in canon lol. Fyozai will either die together with Nikolai or it'll be Dazai alone. In that case, I think Dazai should be with Kunikida. They would actually be good for each other, I really do think that.

My happily ever after for them: There is NO happily ever after for the dead apple trio, as much as it's sad to say, there really and truly isn't. They're not good for each other, they're not a sustainable polycule as much as they love each other. Fyozai could hypothetically move on together and mourn Shibusawa, but there's no way they'd be good with him alive, there just isn't.

003 Shibusawa !!! Ok this is hard he interacts with like 3 people

How I feel about this character: Shibusawa sucks and I love him. He's a pillow princess. He's my wife. He tortures children but he would be a good mom I swear. He wants an e-z bake oven. He is an international terrorist but he is also a crazy cat lady. He walked into yokohama to start the apocalypse dressed like a cottagecore grandma with a million dollars of stolen jewelry in his purse and got called the t slur ten seconds before the fog came. I hate him hes my favorite he uses his science skills to create estrogen laced cupcakes

Any/all people I ship romantically with this character: Obviously Fyodor and Dazai but also Ivan. Shibusawa needed like a body double for some plot and Fyodor was like "I've got this crazy weirdo with long white hair who looks a lot like you, I can rent him out for five dollars an hour" and they hit it off like nobody's business. Now Shibusawa uses him as a crazy gay test subject for his unethical experiments and they kiss and Ivan is madly in love with him

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don't know why people hate Shibusawa so much. On international women's day week too?? Im sorry women can do anything. I'm all for awful evil women, Shibusawa included. Genuinely I don't get how anyone could think Shibusawa is like. A man. One thing you have to understand about me. Is that Shibusawa is my wife

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I WANT HIM TO WEAR A DRESS. BIG DRESS. POOFY FANCY DRESS. VICTORIAN BALLGOWN. HE DESERVES IT. HE WOULD LOVE IT

Favorite friendship for this character: I think that Shibusawa and Nikolai would be good friends. They gush about Fyodor and Nikolai is Shibusawa's crazy friend who gives him all his awful ideas and Shibusawa encourages everything. Also there's my and my friend's ocs Fran and Kafu who are both. Around Shibusawa ™ but that's a whole nother story. Fran is his younger cousin who helps him exist and Kafu is this absolutely insane fucking creature who's deeply in love with him and is in his walls

Crossover ship: I have never thought about this ever before but after some consideration. Albert Moriarty. I think they would get along well. I really do think they would get absolutely fucking wasted and Shibusawa would get fucking railed after they talked about how much they hated rich people and killing rich people and stealing rich people's money to kill more people and how fucked up the world is and how they wanna die

[kjmsupremacist]

Felix sweet boy baby angel but Christopher Bang is literally Satan? Idk if you saw but Hyunjin ratted him out on live and said the lyrics for Red Light were toned down. I don’t want to know. I don’t. He was already talking about edging and I don’t want to know. He can keep his Scorpio Venus and his Sag Mars away from me and everyone I love. I would give anything to know his rising if sign. It’s giving Earth but there’s so much air in his chart it’s hard to be sure. 🤖

i am so happy you sent me this ask because i have been looking for an excuse to talk about red lights. I sent leon and margot a seven minute long voice message when i was doing my research for my red lights-inspired fic like that's where i'm at.

First, yes, I saw Hyunjin's comments! that's what chris gets for trying to say hyunjin wrote all the lyrics in the first place. nice try, chris. also, his scorpio venus is SEXY. i won't be taking criticism on this opinion.

Now. Please see under the cut if you want to watch me dissect Red Lights -- both the lyrics and the MV.

so, credit where credit's due--I skimmed this and this reddit posts while I was doing my research.

now. we all know that on the surface, this song is about sex (and specifically bondage and edging—that much is clear). but, ah, how's the saying go? "everything is about sex except for sex, which is about power"? sure.

yeah, it's meant to be sexy. they did that for us and im still not sure if I want to kill them for it or thank them with my life. BUT, as they mentioned in the howl in harmony video, it's primarily a song about obsession.

The first reddit post does a great (albeit kind of aggressive) breakdown of the lyrics, where it becomes really clear that they're talking about the relationship they have with their work and the relationship they have with fans. In essence, the song is about how they want to give their lives and all their time to making more content for fans so that they will continue to receive love from us. The red lights are actually the recording light on a camera (hence the line “set the mic up”).

And so a relationship like the one depicted here is dark and intense, and yes—passionate and driven by love—but ultimately, it consumes itself in the vortex of its own desire, and then peters out into a sort of blank monotony—learned through repetition, a habitual reflex instead of a true reaction.

Then, the second reddit post goes on a deep dive of some of the symbolism seen in the MV—specifically, the use of kink. This is where it gets really fun.

We mostly see Hyunjin in shibari-style bondage. OP posits (and I agree) that he is meant to represent passion without discipline. The shibari ropes are tied messily (and so therefore dangerously) which is perfect for representing how often kink (and other obsessions) can devolve—you plunge in headfirst, but you are directionless except for the insistent tug in your gut that cries for more, more.

Chan, on the other hand, is seen primarily (esp in solo scenes) bound by heavy chains. He represents discipline with no passion. In the Howl in Harmony video, I believe he mentions that after a long day of practice, he'll still find himself in the recording studio, even though he's tired. He does what he has to on autopilot, because he knows he must, because it’s the only thing he feels he can do.

If Hyunjin is mania, then Chan is depression. The chains are GREAT symbolism because this dutiful march towards burnout and beyond is, as the lyrics suggest, stemming from a desire to keep receiving love (from fans)—that if you just work hard enough then no one will ever leave you. You wish to bind the person (or people) you love to you, but in the end the bonds only weigh you down.

So then the part where they’re tied together, back to back, at the end, shows when passion and discipline come into balance. And that’s creation for the love of creation while still maintaining a respect for yourself, the art, and your audience. (or idk. maybe they just thought we'd like to see them tied to one another. and they were right).

It's also fun because while we see Hyunjin and Chan both assume positions of domination and submission, it's clear Chan is meant to be the “dominant force” here (hence discipline). The reason we do see instances of Hyunjin in power (choking Chan, standing over him on the table) is because any somewhat healthy d/s relationship involves first the surrender of power. The dom is only perceived to be in power because the sub first relinquishes it them. So. You know.

I will say I'm not sure what to say about the edging theme (BNKSJDF) besides the obvious—almost giving you what you want, but not quite.

And finally, this is not part of either of those two reddit posts, but I was ENTHRALLED by the use of mirror and mirror-esque imagery throughout the MV and in the choreo. I love mirrors as a symbol so we're going to talk about that, too.

First and most obviously, it may be a bit on the nose. In art, mirrors and reflections are often used to show that there is a deeper meaning than what is clear on the surface. So this might have just been hyunchan going "hey! it's not just about sex!"

but I think there's more to it than that. Mirrors are often used as a vessel of truth—in some Chinese myths, for example, mirrors can repel demons, as they will show a demon’s true form. Or see the Little Mermaid—though Ursula managed to change her outward appearance, she was caught in her lie when another character (sebastian, i think?) saw her reflection in the mirror.

Additionally, one’s reflection used to be thought to contain one’s soul—which is why mirrors were covered in the home of person who had just passed, so they would not be trapped as a ghost in the world of the living.

For this reason, mirrors are often also considered dangerous. Think of Narcissus, for a start, who fell in love with his own reflection and sat at the water's edge, pining, until he fucking died. Or consider the following quote (which I love) from Fernando Pessoa:

“Man shouldn’t be able to see his own face – there’s nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the gift of not being able to see it, and of not being able to stare into his own eyes. Only in the water of rivers and ponds could he look at his face. And the very posture he had to assume was symbolic. He had to bend over, stoop down, to commit the ignominy of beholding himself. The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart.”

We use mirrors to watch ourselves watching ourselves (and the Margaret Atwood who lives in our heads cries “male fantasies, male fantasies! You are you own voyeur!”). We perform for the mirror—often what we see in the mirror is not actually how we are seen by others! We think we may find truth there, when in reality it is a distortion. Ties itself up really nicely, I think.

In any case, this really goes well with the theme of obsession in the song—staring in the mirror asking, what do others see? What is wrong about me? What can I do better? The idea of looking in the mirror to seek what others see, both positive and negative, is common throughout. And I think their use of mirrored choreo (esp when it seems like one of them is the reflection!!), as well as mirror placement on the set of the mv, and ESPECIALLY the lovely bit at the end where they both stand staring carefully at their own reflections, all work to drive that theme home.

and i don't even know how to touch on all the color symbolism (when it changes between color and b&w?? the palette being overwhelmingly yellow and red and black???), or the lens filters (warping, blurring, etc), or the way they superimposed pieces of the video on top of other pieces, or the use of that one stark white background—without writing a fucking dissertation (and this is already a ridiculously long post) so i'll just stop here.

This is all to say, maybe what they meant was that the lyrics were a lot more aggressive about these themes and they were asked to tone them down to keep it neutral.

or maybe they're just sexy, sexy motherfuckers and their managers bonked them on the head and sent them to horny jail.