#i mean like. dew buddy it’s not that bad. just a few painful experiments that’s nothing. i wish i was you

[whumpy-wyrms]

save me will wood save me anton

[theskyeandsea]

Do You Wanna Be My Roommate? || Rio & Skye

Timing: December 10th

Location: Nic & Skylar’s Home

Tagging: @3starsquinn & @theskyeandsea

Description: In the wake of Winson’s departure from town, Skylar and Rio reclaim weeb night!

Warnings: Drug use mentions, chronic illness symptoms mentions, addiction 

Tugging at the sleeves of her shirt, Skylar looked around the house-- it looked normal, right? The last time someone had been here, she’d been caught off guard and hadn’t had time to try and make the place look presentable. But, she had invited Rio here, wanted to be here to support him. Because that was what a good friend did, and they, they were still friends. She wanted to be there for him because break ups were hard. She might not know much about them, but she remembered how much it had hurt when Shiloh had left town, in much the same way to Winston. Just a quick word and then Skylar was left with the other woman’s absence.

Swallowing, Skylar hooked her hearing aids in and turned them on. Dundee was sitting on the edge of the couch, watching her from his nest of blankets. He used to like spending time in her room, but lately he spent most of his time out in the living room. Maybe he was waiting for Nic to come home? Before she could fall too far down that rabbit hole, the doorbell rang and she hurried to the door. “Rio! Hey--” Her eyes flicked over his appearance and she blinked. “Are… What happened to you?”

Orion and Skylar had made plans, he didn’t want to cancel those just because he had almost been murdered and spent a few days in the hospital. He hadn’t seen her in awhile, his own life being too caught up in the trauma and the drama. As if the Lydia situation hadn’t been horrifying enough, Winston’s departure and the werewolf attack had to add a little extra disaster to Rio’s life. Just in time for the holidays. But despite the solemn mood Rio had been stuck in, he had no plans in continuing that tonight. He was hoping to enjoy his time with Skylar tonight, where the both of them could take their minds off of everything keeping them down.

When Skylar answered the door he could see that she had her hearing aids in, but he signed anyways as he greeted her. It was mostly out of habit, but he enjoyed the practice regardless. “Oh. These” Rio grinned nervously, he supposed he couldn’t ignore the fact that it happened, no matter how much he wished he could pretend he had never seen any of those dead bodies. Or heard their screams. “There was an… incident a few nights ago. A werewolf attacked a cafe that I was at.” Though his hoodie and jeans worked to block the main injuries that he had suffered, bruises and cuts all over his face and hands were still far too visible. Realizing that he was a hunter who just told Skylar about a werewolf attack, Rio thought that he should specify, “I didn’t kill it. Just uh- so we’re clear. I just tried to stop it from hurting others.” He did stab it. But he remembered how scared Skylar had been about hunters. He didn’t want to freak her out, “It’s alive. And hopefully back to human and not hurting anyone.”

Stepping out of the way to let him in, Skylar did her best not to stare at the cuts as he explained. An attack? A werewolf? What had happened to them? Not that Skylar knew many werewolves-- just Ulfric, the man from the coffee shop with all the tattoos, and Ariana, who she’d only known as a student until recently-- but they’d both seemed… in control. The thoughts slid through her mind like water, though, slipping from her mind as she led the way to the living room. Dundee was still curled up in the pile of blankets, little tail wagging as he caught sight of Rio and stared at the young man with his beedy, unblinking eyes. “It? You mean… them, right?” Skylar said, the words coming out before she could stop herself. But, werewolves, they were people. Maybe not human people, just like she wasn’t human people. But they were people, right? “I-- sorry though. That something like that happened to you. I’m glad you didn’t need to hurt anyone badly, though.” She nodded. 

Sliding through the front door, Orion was surprised by how long ago it seemed that he had last been here to hang out with Skylar. Despite that, it came with a surprising familiarity to follow her down the hall and into the living room. As per usual, Dundee stared at Rio as if staring directly into his soul. The dog was cute and incredibly uncomforting at the same time. “Hey buddy!” Rio went over to the pet little guy regardless. At Skylar’s words, Rio froze. His hand hovered to his bottom lip, barely pressing against it almost in shock of what had just come out of his mouth. “I-uh” It. When had Rio ever talked like that? He had spent his entire life trying and failing to convince his family that there was humanity to supernatural creatures. Especially werewolves, who weren’t destined to be murderous monsters their entire lives. How had that same person become the one that casually referred to a living person as it? “Sorry. Yeah. Them.” He pulled his hand away, shoving both of them into his pockets and refusing to make eye contact with Skylar for a moment. The word kept repeating itself in his head over and over again. “It’s okay. The werewolf, I don’t know who they were. But they didn’t have control. I don’t know if they woke up remembering everything or completely ignorant. That’s scary stuff.” A chill shot down Rio’s spine and he readjusted his stance a bit too quickly, catching his breath at the sudden pains. He slowly stretched out before forcing a smile back onto his face. “Sorry, I want this to be a fun night. All this’ll be gone in a few days anyways. Let’s just try to have fun.”

Skylar barely noticed the way that Rio went stock still-- it was the way his hand moved that caught her attention. He hadn’t even realized he’d said it, had he? Tilting her head slightly, she did her best to peer at him. But, the trace amounts of Bliss kept her floating, just floating on by, and it was always a little hard to grab the finer details. But, she could tell that he was upset. And she didn’t want him to be upset, she really didn’t. Rio was a good guy, a good person. “I hope they’re okay. And the other people who were hurt too-- and you too! Obviously. But. I hope they’re okay.” She said, knowing all too well how much it hurt to have gaps in your memory, to have entire parts of yourself locked away. Noticing the way his chest caught, Skylar blinked. “You’re not still hurt are you? You didn’t need to-- we could have cancelled if you’re still hurt. Sit down, sit down.” She said, urging him to take a seat. She could still take care of people, she could still do this. She could be the Skylar everyone wanted her to be. 

Orion nodded his head, maybe a bit too enthusiastically. He didn’t need Skylar too worried about his wounds. She had already helped him before when that evil watermelon thing had bitten him. Just like that time, these would heal. “I’m okay. I’m still sore, but it’s not too bad. I’ll heal quickly anyways.” He still hated his hunter abilities. Not because they weren’t useful, he had been attacked way too many times for him to try to claim that. It just didn’t seem fair that he got this advantage while others around him were put at risk. “Seriously, I wanted to come over here. I’m happy to be here, sore or not.” Rio grinned, slowly easing himself back and onto the couch. “If I had cancelled I would have just ended up lying in my bed at the house all night anyways. I definitely didn’t want to do that. So you’re doing me a favor.”

“If you say so.” Skylar said as Rio took a seat on the couch. Walking to the fridge, she pulled out a bottle of water and a can of Mountain Dew. She’d remembered that he liked them when she had been wandering down the aisles at the store, running her fingers against the shelves. “Want a drink? There might be some beer left over from when Nic was here, if you’d like. I don’t really keep beer here.” She said as she scanned the shelves. “I’ve never really been able to do the whole… post-break up ice cream and cookie dough thing that you see in movies, but I have both if you’d like.” She offered. “But, ah-- sorry. That might be too soon to say.” At Rio’s words, Skylar nodded, a smile spreading on her face. She was helping him. “Of course. I’m glad I can do something to make you feel better. And hey, Yuri on Ice is a great show, it always cheers me up.”

Skylar disappeared in the kitchen for a moment and came back with a mountain dew. Orion sat forward enthusiastically to reach for it, trying to be careful not to stretch too many injured muscles. It was only partially effective. “Oh you’re the best thank you so much.” He had been so tired recently, he needed some caffeine. The mention of Nic was a sudden reminder that he had been her only roommate. He knew about him no longer being in town but he hadn’t exactly connected the dots. “Oh right. You don’t have any other roommates do you? You have this whole place to yourself?” It was a big house, something that could either be a lot of fun or really lonely depending on the person. “It’s been weird at my house too. Ricky’s always so busy at the workshop that it was usually just Winston and I. Now that he’s not there it’s just a whole house to myself with all the things Winston and I used to do.” Rio shrugged. Admittedly, it had bothered him how much time he spent noticing small things that Winston left behind. But there wasn’t much he could do about it for now. “I have no experience with post break up junk food, but am assuming that it tastes similar to regular junk ice cream and cookie dough. Both of which I’m a huge fan of.” But more than sugary distractions, Rio was mostly excited for another reboot of their anime night. Hopefully this time it would be without the snooping or weird tension that was present the previous times. “I cannot wait, I am so pumped for this it’s been on my list forever.”

“Of course.” Skylar beamed as she handed him the soda before settling down on the couch with some space between them. Dundee glanced over at her, as though waiting for her to do something, but when she flipped on the tv, he plopped his head back down on the nest of blankets. “Nope, it’s just me.” This place had been Erin’s home for a bit too, but the memory of their last encounter came back to her mind-- No. Smiling wider, she pushed the thought away. Now wasn’t the time to think about that. Erin wasn’t coming back here. “Mhm, that’s… That sounds hard.” Skylar had never lived with Shiloh, hadn’t even really reached the stage where she spent much time at the other woman’s home. But, she felt for Rio. Being in a place where there was just the constant presence of someone who he’d cared about, who was so very much not here? She dealt with that some since Nic had left, the little knick knacks and knives tucked around the house hammering home the fact that he was gone. “Sounds good. Let me just get Netflix up.” She said, scrolling through the lists with a slightly clumsy hand. She skipped around until the familiar ice-skating anime popped up. “I’m so excited for you to watch this, I think you’ll really enjoy it.”

Orion stretched across the couch as much as he could to scratch on Dundee’s head before returning to his original position. Skylar was navigating the tv to find the show and Rio studied her as she did so. Outwardly, she seemed fine with living alone. Nothing in her initial statement indicated that she hated the idea of living alone. The place did seem pretty sweet, especially considering it had the pool for private sessions when she needed to change. On paper, he probably seemed perfect. But speaking from his own experiences, Rio knew that a place like this would be incredibly lonely. He wondered what Skylar thought of it. Right now, he wasn’t sure if it would be rude to ask. “I’m so excited” Rio clapped his hands together and leaned back on the couch to settle in when Skylar pressed play.

The rest of the night passed without anything weird or out of the ordinary happening-- a rarity that Skylar honestly hadn’t expected. It was nice, to watch anime and pretend like there was nothing wrong. They could pretend like this town wasn’t awful, like this place wasn’t terrible. As Yuri took a victory lap around the ice rink, Skylar let out a sigh, stretching. The motion sent a slight twinge of pain down her back, but she ignored it. She could handle a little pain, just for now. She had wanted to be present for this, to spend time with Rio. And, once he was gone, she would be able to slip back down into the haze of Bliss. “Such a good show. Did you like it?” She asked as Dundee padded across the couch and leaned against her, his head resting against her leg. “I’m glad you were able to come over for this, I missed having anime nights.” Skylar said, a little surprised that it was true. 

They had truly binged out with this one. In what was probably their first fully successful attempt at an anime night the two both watched the show in relative quiet. Every now and again one would speak up or they would both laugh at something. But other than that, the two had seemed perfectly content with simply being in each other’s company. The show was exactly the sort of feel good emotion that Orion so desperately needed. Watching their relationship slowly grow into what it became by the end of the show was enough to bring a tear to Rio’s eyes. By the time the last episode finished, there was a stream of tears running down his face. “No. It was awful.” Rio lied, a single laugh bursting through his tears. Even then, Rio crossed his arms and grumbled grumpily, “The show had no right ending like that. I hated it.” A small smile split across his face though, and he eventually conceded, “Nah. I’m kidding. That was amazing and I’m so glad we started it back up. I miss them too.” Even for the drama they had once been. “We should definitely get back into the habit of doing them.”

Looking over at Rio, Skylar blinked in surprise-- she hadn’t realized he’d cried. She must have missed that, must… not have noticed. She swallowed, pushing the thought side and smiled back at him. “Good! I’m glad that you did, it’s such a great show. The characters are all so good and you really kinda root for all of them by the end of it.” She said with a nod. Running a hand through her choppy hair, Skylar looked over at the television, the screen darkened. She could see the two of them reflected, sitting back on the couch. Two lonely people, just a little less alone for the time being. Biting the inside of her cheek, Skylar thought to the spare key that was tucked away in her room. She trusted Rio. It had taken time, but she knew that he was sorry for what he’d done, he’d promised to never pry into her things after their disastrous first anime night. And… it was lonely. “Hey, Rio.” She said tentatively, not really sure how to broach the subject, “I know that things at… Ricky’s must be weird. Things here are weird too, with all of Nic’s stuff being here, but him being gone. And, like I said, I can’t really imagine what it’s like to have to deal with, everything else on top of it.” She said, skirting around the words “break up” as best as she could manage. “But, if you wanted, you could stay here?” Skylar asked, looking hopefully over at him. Maybe having someone around would help. Someone who understood, at least a little, what it was like to not fit into the role that the world wanted her to be.

The question had taken Orion by surprise. He paused for a long moment as he tried to understand exactly what Skylar had meant by ‘stay here’. At first he had just meant for the night, which Rio was ready to thank her for the offer but also assure that he didn’t live too far away. It wasn’t like he had been drinking or anything. But she had mentioned Nic’s things, just as Rio had talked about Winston’s items that were left behind. But he had never said any of those things in an attempt to guilt Skylar into asking him to move in. Even with the awkwardness, Rio hadn’t considered moving out of the house. “Are you… serious?” Rio finally asked, his voice soft and curious. “I don’t want to like… put you in a weird place. Where you feel like you have to offer.”

Was she serious? Skylar wasn’t entirely sure, but, the idea of not being totally alone, of having someone around-- at least part of the day-- was tempting. And she liked Rio. She trusted Rio. He was good and he knew about that side of her, which meant she wouldn’t need to hide it from him. Not that she’d ever needed to with Nic, but, having one less secret from her roommate would be nice. And just, having a roommate, maybe that would make things better. Maybe it would lessen the ache inside her. Nodding, Skylar gestured to the space around them. “I know I don’t need to offer. But, I never really wanted to live on my own. And, I trust you.” She said with a small smile. “In a town like this, that’s… hard to find. You don’t need to say yes, and you can definitely think about it. But, the offer’s here.” 

The offer was tempting. The more Orion thought about it, the more he realized how lonely his house felt now. With Ricky constantly working and Winston gone it felt like he lived in an abandoned home. Too big for him. He missed Winston, but he had no chance of taking his mind off of them when he walked past their bedroom door every day and was constantly reminded of all the memories they had there. But Rio wasn’t truly convinced until Skylar told him that she trusted him. It had been a rocky road up to this point. Rio had lied and invaded her privacy. He hadn’t deserved her friendship at all, let alone her trust. But somehow, here they were. “Yes.” Rio nodded quickly. “I mean, I don’t need to think about it. If you’re one hundred percent sure then the answer is yes” Rio laughed in relief, a pressure that had been in his chest all week finally beginning to lift. He hadn’t even realized that it had been there in the first place. “I- Thank you so much. I seriously can’t describe what that means to me.”

The way that Rio laughed, the genuine sound of relief-- before tonight, when was the last time Skylar had heard that sound? Since before Nic had left? The memory came back to her, fuzzy around the edges in the way that most of her memories were now. It was one of the nights when they’d both shared a meal, idly talking about their day and then, out of nowhere, Dundee had hopped up onto the table and stolen a steak right off her plate. The two had sat in startled silence for a minute as the little dog scarfed down the piece of meat, T-bone and all, before bursting into laughter. And tonight, she and Rio had been able to laugh and talk and make this house feel a little less lonesome. It felt a little more like the home that she had hoped for. But, Skylar shifted on the couch, the sharp rush of pain pushing just a little bit harder. “One ground rule, though?” She said, a small smile on her face as she stuck out her hand, “No more poking around in my room.” 

[wersoverytired]

Supernatural fanfic: Dean has a nightmare, Untitled

Thought I’d get some of my old fics on tumblr as text, too, and not just as links.

Summary: Gen, post 1.09. The week following their visit to their childhood home is hard, and one night Dean suffers a massive nightmare. Sam tries to help - not like he hasn't been through this with Dean before - but this one hurts in whole new ways.

Disclaimer: Supernatural, its characters, plot lines etc. belong to their awesome creators. I am only suggesting fun new ways in which those beloved characters could suffer and/or be comforted.

____________________________ 

The Impala's hood is cold, beaded with dew drops that roll and string together under his weight, but Sam doesn't mind. He leans against the black metal, watching the first tendrils of light make their way across the horizon of the night sky. Only half an hour left before sunrise; he finds comfort in that fact. His night owl of a brother would find that laughable.

Dean has always been content to sleep through the day, if they didn't have a case that required interviewing the grieving widow du jour, or otherwise interacting with the normal world. He tends to perk up after dark, excited to hustle pool, engage in some B&E, or just hang out at the local bar. Even grave digging seems to be fine by him, most nights.

Not this week, though. Nighttime has been different since Lawrence. Visiting that house (if "visiting" is the right term for going into your childhood room armed) didn't do either of them any favors, but it was harder on Dean. He actually remembers; this was home to him once, before it was a case, before it was the unmarked grave of their potential lives.

Ever since they drove away and left Jenny and her kids on that front stoop, Dean has been quieter than usual. Which is not to say he hasn't been doing his absolute best to make up for the lack of his usual inspiring conversation - Sam is pretty sure he'll be hearing The Best of AC/DC in his dreams long after his eardrums recover - but still, something is definitely off.

Sam cranes his neck to study his sleeping brother's face through the windshield. Dean hasn't even tried to find a pool hall or a bar since they went back on the road; stranger still, he hasn't so much as tried to flirt with their waitresses in any of the diners they went to - which, while probably being a welcome respite for womankind, is yet another sign that Dean is not doing so hot.

He's asleep now, though, snoring softly in the front seat, which is at least something. Sam was re-introduced to actual sleep some time after he met Jess, who told him, all serious, that she HAD to have her Enchanted Sounds of the Ocean album on repeat in the background at night. "I can't fall asleep without it," she said, and he knew she was lying, that she was doing it for his benefit, because she was hoping that masking the sounds from outside would help him stop listening.

She spoke a lot about hypervigilance, and about how he was tense and how it was okay to relax sometimes -- "it's just college," she said -- and he nodded, always, because he couldn't (wouldn't) tell her about all the reasons.

And anyway, he was listening for Dean as much as he was listening for things that went bump in the night -- but family was another topic he couldn't discuss with Jessica. So Sounds of the Ocean it was, and it kind of grew on him, to be honest; he found that with time, he slept better and listened less.

Dean did come, and he pulled him out of that room where he would have been happy to burn with her, because he deserved to. Sam went back to sleeping like a hunter after that, half-awake most of the time, never truly comfortable, never naive enough (stupid enough) to feel at home.

Home.

He thinks about the look in Dean's eyes when the Impala pulled up by the mint-green house. Tries to imagine a young version of his brother sitting at the table in that kitchen, smiling happily at their mother over scrambled eggs and toast, getting crumbs everywhere. He can't.

Dean shifts slightly in the front seat. He mumbles something incoherent, frowning. Resistant to Sam's worry even in his sleep.

Sam turns back to watch the sky. They parked miles away from anywhere, no houses or lights around, and though the absence of humans doesn't ever mean safety, at least he doesn't have to worry about some random cop taking an interest in two bruised men spending the night in a '67 Chevy. It's dead quiet, nothing but the wind, and Sam feels relatively safe; almost impossible to sneak up on them here. He closes his eyes, just for a second or two, breathes in. Breathes out.

There's movement behind him again; Dean is getting restless. He thinks he must have dosed off for a few minutes on the hood, because the sky is not as dark now, and because Dean is completely drenched in sweat when he peers through the glass to check on him. Shit.

Sam slides off the hood, scurries around the car and crawls into the back seat; he knows better than to get in front and place himself directly in the path of Dean's swift kick. It only took one error in judgment to teach him that rule.

He watches his brother cautiously for a moment, unsure how to proceed. Dean is obviously having a nightmare, and a bad one, too; but that's a common occurrence, and experience has proven that even waking him up from regular sleep is never, ever a good idea. Too much going on in there, too much that needs to be locked safely away before he can afford to be conscious.

Dean's face is pale in the scarce light, glowing with sweat, his short hair sticking to his scalp. He's breathing fast and shallow, eyes moving frantically behind closed lids, hands fisting in his lap and on his chest like he's desperately trying to hold on to something. It's painful to watch, but it's when he whimpers - actually whimpers - that Sam decides enough is enough. If he gets punched for his trouble, that's fine.

He reaches out and places a careful hand on his brother's shoulder, shakes him gently. Just me, okay - -

"Dean. Hey, Dean. Dude, wake up, you're having a bad dream."

Dean's only response is to thrash around even more violently in the tight space, now seemingly in full panic mode. He's hyperventilating, kicking hard, grabbing at thin air.

"No no no no no - -"

"Shit, Dean, hey, hey! It's just me, it's Sam, wake up. Wake up!"

Dean's fear is so palpable that Sam feels his own lungs constrict with irrational terror. He tightens his hold on his brother's bicep, squeezing painfully. "DEAN!"

Finally, mercifully, Dean's eyes blink open. His gaze is bleary, pupils dark and alarmingly wide, and Sam knows he isn't seeing anything yet, won't for a while; he's still trapped. Knowing doesn't make it any easier, though, because his brother looks painfully desperate.

"No, no, please, oh god - -"

The tremors wrecking Dean's frame are so powerful now that they shake Sam's hand right off his sweaty shoulder.

"Hey, hey, breathe. C'mon. Dean, you're okay, it's - "

Dean isn't listening, isn't capable of hearing him. And then, somehow, he's out of the car, tumbling through the driver side door and onto the weeds, landing hard and struggling to get up.

Cursing, Sam slides out of the Impala and crouches down on the wet ground next to his brother, reaching out; he needs to get Dean lucid before he manages to hurt himself by running God-knows-where. He decides, for the 1000th time, that he hates his brother's sleep issues. If for no other reason, he believes in the existence of a higher power because there has GOT to be some twisted sense of humor behind giving night terrors to a man who sleeps with a gun under his pillow.

Dean is in no condition to appreciate the irony, though, and Sam grabs him by both shoulders, raising his voice.

"Dean, hey, you're awake, it's over. You're okay."

The words feel useless, and they don't seem to resonate; whatever horror took place in Dean's dream, it has somehow chased him across the divide and followed him into consciousness.

Dean is looking down at his shaking hands now, his face reading utter devastation.

"I can't find him. I can't find him. Must have dropped him. I gotta - - " his breath hitches, and he closes his eyes against some horrible realization.

Sam can't remember ever seeing his brother so distraught -- anxious, sad, sure, but not like this, not like his heart is breaking. The sorrow on Dean's face causes his own eyes to water, makes his throat close.

He somehow still manages to speak.

"Dean, what -- who are you looking for?"

His brother shakes his head, opens his red-rimmed eyes but doesn't meet his gaze. "Sammy. Can't find him. T- - took him, I thought, I thought I had him, I, you said run, you said don't look back, you said - - "

Sam suddenly tastes bile. He has to take a deep, slow breath, let it out, then inhale again. In. Out. Don't throw up, not now not now.

Speechless and short of breath, he watches as his big brother frantically searches around, eyes impossibly huge in his bruised, tear-stained face. Dean seems so disoriented, so stripped of his usual defenses; Sam just wants to look away.

But he never could. He speaks to the desperate four-year-old looking in the grass for the baby he doesn't think he saved.

"Dean", he says, softly this time, "it's okay. You didn't - you didn't drop Sammy, I promise. We made it out. Buddy, look at me."

For the first time, Dean stops and looks up. God, he looks so exhausted, so hopeful.

"- - Huh?"

"I'm Sammy, remember? We made it out. You got me out of that fire just like he told you, and I'm good. And it was a long time ago, years ago. You know this."

Dean appears to consider the information.

"Yeah?"

Sam nods. "This is 2005. You were just having a nightmare. I know it feels real, I know it's -- you with me yet?"

Dean's hands stop moving in the damp weeds, his eyes seem to regain some of their focus. He frowns.

"I'm not - - what?"

Sam sighs.

"Try to calm down. Everything's okay. I'm here, you're here. Remember today? We had some chili cheese fries, got some beer for the cooler, parked here in the middle of nowhere and called it a night. Oh, and you lost your toothbrush, as usual, and you bitched about that, as usual. Then you fell asleep. Any of that coming back to you?"

Dean nods sheepishly. He rubs his eyes, looking confused when his hand comes away wet. He's already forgotten he was crying, Sam thinks.

"Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, Sammy. I - - "

Sam interrupts his brother's apology by wrapping his arms around him, ignoring the surprised, muffled sounds of protest Dean makes against his shirt.

"S'okay, Dean. We're good." * They're having lunch at a Biggerson's when Sam decides to bring it up. He spends ten minutes pecking nervously at his poor imitation of salad - a sad pile of lettuce, dwarfed by his brother's victorious mountain of onion rings - before he gets up the nerve to mention, vaguely, that last night was rough.

Dean thinks for a moment, then nods, squinting at the sun.

"Thought I might have had a nightmare or something, but I wasn't sure." He fishes an onion ring out of the pile, examining it in the light like a precious stone before covering it with an obscene amount of ketchup.

"So what happened? Did I say what the dream was about?"

Sam stares at his brother. He can never get over the way these episodes just evaporate from Dean's mind once he goes back to sleep. He's read all about night terrors and everything related to them, but no amount of research can make him be okay with THAT.

He tries to sound casual.

"You don't remember, huh?"

"Nope." Dean flicks a bottle cap into the trash can, faking nonchalance. "Why? What weird shit did I say this time?"

Sam clears his throat before he answers.

"Uh, home. Something about home."

Dean's face darkens.

"Oh."

He doesn't ask anything else after that, and Sam doesn't offer further information. They finish their meal in silence.

As they make their way back to the Impala, Dean clears his throat.

"You can drive for a while, if you want."

The look of puzzlement on Sam's face must be comical, because Dean chokes back a laugh as he throws him the keys.

"Don't get all starry-eyed on me, dude. It's just until we cross the state line."

Sam says nothing. He looks down at the keys, and when Dean uncharacteristically squeezes his shoulder on his way over to the passenger side of the Impala, he bites his tongue, refusing to get emotional.

Which gets so much easier when Highway to Hell comes blaring out of the speakers before he even gets into the damn car. ---

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #85

“so you can throw me to the wolves; tomorrow i will come back, leader of the whole pack.”

when was the last time you saw the person you like?   february what are you listening to?   markiplier playing "scp containment breach."  going on a nostalgia binge. would you take back your last boyfriend/girlfriend?   nope.  tyler wasn't for me. are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you?   rape and abortion. have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend?   no. would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn?   i'd be fucking pissed.  not out of jealousy, but because it's lustful and just generally disgusting. your last ex calls wanting to hangout, what do you say?   probably "stop fucking harassing me." do you have a friend named ashley?   no, but that's my older sister's name. are you an aunt or an uncle?   yep. did you use to watch blues clues?   of course. are you a twilight fan?   i never was. when’s the last time you threw up?   couple weeks ago.  one of my pills makes me sick sometimes. do you stutter when you get nervous?   terribly. what is your favorite superhero movie?   "ghost rider," if you count him. do you think that aliens exist?   no. do you own a pair of converses?   i've got a few. do you regret your last relationship?   i sure do. do you plan on having children in the future?   currently, no.  i really don't think i'm capable of raising another human being efficiently. when did you last go to the doctor and what for?   i went to my therapy appointment a few days ago. are you socially awkward?   agonizingly would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie?   horror if you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose?   dragon what is your favorite animal and why?   meerkats.  they're adorable, unspeakably brave and loyal, and so curious. do you find yourself on youtube a lot?   it's always open. what is something that reminds you of your childhood?   dinosaurs what show do you miss coming on television?   "meerkat manor" :( have you ever tried opening your eyes under water?   yeah.  don't like doing it though. have you ever been admitted to the hospital?   five times. do you have a hint of obsessive compulsive disorder?   a bit.  i used to have baaad repetitive thought cycles when i was younger. do you use any acne medication?   nah.  i don't really get acne anymore. if you’re offered a trip to either hawaii or alaska which would you choose?   alaska what cause (feminism, gay rights, abortion, etc) are you most passionate about?   the pro-life movement how much money have you saved by shop lifting?   what the fuck?!  i don't shoplift to begin with.  wtf. do you hate when couples are like “i love you” after dating for about 2 days?   it's ignorant as fuck to say, yes.  those are dangerous fucking words. have you ever run away?   yes. ever been attacked by a dog?   no.  my little sister has, though.  i'm pretty sure she still has the scar. ever had an out-of-body experience?   no. ever considered acupuncture?   noooo. do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones?   PSYCHOLOGICAL do you have a favorite youtuber? or do you not watch much youtube?   rhett&link + markplier are my literal babes. who do you text the most? or do you like to text at all?   sara. do you like ronnie james dio?   \m/, motherfucker. ever given a tattoo before? would you like to?   no.  i have tremors, so that'd be a terrible idea. have you ever had a pet bird?   no. do you have any siblings that you never seen before?   one half-sister, yes. have you ever heard a song that made you cry?   most notably johnny cash's version of "hurt."  the first time i listened to it, i couldn't help but cry.  like i know it's a cover, but his version just personifies pain. do you like the show “that 70s show”?   it's probably like my second-favorite show.  it's fucking hysterical. has your house ever been broken in to?   thank god no.  the bloods tried to break into our old house though while my older sister and her old best friend were home alone.  they were terrified. do you listen to blink-182?   some of their songs are great, sure.  i like a couple. do you listen to nirvana?   sometimes. what thumb do you use to hit the space bar with?   my right. do you like regular or chocolate milk better?   chocolate growing up, did you listen to country music?   not usually by will, but i did regardless.  my older sister usually controlled the radio and such.  if i wanted to listen to music on my own time, it was usually mainstream pop. do you have a gazebo at your house?   no do you like tomatoes?   nooo. what type of waffles do you like? (plain, blueberry etc..)   plain do you like chicken or beef better? or do you not eat meat?   i prefer chicken. did america really put a man on the moon?   yes. have you ever dated outside of your race?   for less than a day. were you born in a hospital, or somewhere else?   in a hospital. who is your favorite male singer?   patrick stump from fall out boy. do you listen to any acoustic bands, or singers?   not specifically. what is your birthstone?   amethyst do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?   just go to the drive-thru.  i mean, isn't that the point of a fast food restaurant, to get food quickly and easily? do you like chinese food over pizza?   nope. if someone you know offered you pot, what would you say?   well first, i'd say no, and two, i'd most likely dissociate from that person.  i in no way get involved with drugs. have you ever been to a strip club?   hell no. how was/is the food in the cafeteria at your school?   some were actually pretty decent, others were hellish. what is your favorite song?   "do i wanna know?" by the arctic monkeys what do you think of the name courtney?   i like it. do you have a wild side?   not really, honestly. ever gone boating all day?   i've been on a boat while fishing most of the day, but not like, all day. what is your favorite thing about going to your grandma’s house?   honestly?  nothing.  i don't even get along with my grandma. do you like eggs?   only if they're scrambled and cheesy. who are your heroes?   mark fischbach and my mom. do you know who rodney atkins is?   i live in the south, buddy.  take a guess. are you tall?   no. when is the last time you wore a dress?   my sister's wedding. what is the last alcoholic beverage you’ve had?   a strawberry smirnoff. do you know someone that smiles ALL the time?   no.  that'd be freaky. who is the hottest person alive?   link neal, boys and girls. are you ready for summer?   hell no.  i hate everything about summer. do you like the sun or do you like snow better?   snow!! don’t you love pancakes?   hell ye boi. quick name a country singer:   tim mcgraw.  the only one i sincerely like. who did you last have an alcoholic drink with?   family. ever had fruit pizza?   ew, no.  fruit doesn't belong on pizza. do you know anyone named caleb?   i'm acquainted with one.  he's cool. how many friends do you have on facebook?   around 110, i think a little more? what was on the last sandwich you ate?   peanut butter. what sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school?   the same stuff i listen to now: heavy metal.  i went through a phase where i listened to even heavier, more emo-styled bands, though. what is your favorite thai dish?   never tried any. how many contacts do you have in your phone?   i think like 15, lol. when was the last time you made out with somebody?   around a year and a half. what month of the year was your mother born?   august. how many apps do you have on your phone?   only four.  my phone doesn't have a lot of memory. have you ever dated a smoker? if not, would you?   i haven't, and no, i honestly wouldn't. would you rather travel to japan or scotland?   hmmmm... i THINK japan, but i'm honestly unsure. what is your mother’s first name?   donna. do you share a middle name with any of your siblings?   yes. have there ever been any bushfires/wildfires in your area?   it's possible i guess, but i don't think so. how would you label your sexual orientation?   heterosexual do you consider your goals easily achievable or are they pretty grand?   eh, kinda in-between... my only real goal is to be a photographer, but the photography industry is SUPER competitive. what’s your favorite vegetable?   broccoli is yummy.  especially with cheese. would you rather eat italian or indian food?   italian have you ever missed a flight?   no. can you name five adjectives describing you?   passionate, shy, sleepy, nervous, and loyal. do you prefer long or short hair on the opposite sex?   a bit long. what is your favorite soda?   mountain dew what is your opinion on legalizing drugs?   you are honestly naive if you believe that's a good idea.  no offense. do you like country music?   no. have you ever done something illegal more than once?   yes. if you could marry any celebrity, who would it be?   mark fischbach omg can you swim?   yes. what are your fears?   pregnancy/childbirth, closed spaces, being alone in the end, long-legged spiders, the ocean, whale sharks, maggots/larvae, other things... do you shave your arms even though it supposedly grows back thick?   no. do you ever get too lazy to clean up your pet’s pee and leave it for your parents to do it?   i clean my dog's pee because he's my responsibility.  if cali pees, i tell mom.  bentley, i tell nicole. what insects or bugs do you fear most?   rhino beetles and wasps do you think weed is just as bad as cigarettes?   it's fact that it's worse.  it has more carcinogens. don’t you just love free samples?   obviously. are you someone’s best friend?   no. have you ever used alternative medicine or old-fashioned remedies?   i don't think so. what color and style is your hair?   it's red, but with overgrown roots. do you wear glasses?   yeah. do you want kids?   no.  there's just no way i'd be able to properly take care of a kid. what if you were in a fire and you could only save one object, what would it be?   i'm guessing family and pets are already safe?  then in that case, my laptop. what if you could ask god any one question, what would it be?   "why do people who aren't sure whether or not they believe in you go to hell?" what if you found a suitcase full of $1,000,000, what would you do?   honestly, i'd look for identification.  i just couldn't take that much money with a good conscience. what if you had to choose, would you give up your sight or your hearing?   sight.  i couldn't live in total silence. what if you saw a robbery, would you report it?   obviously??? what if you were given a chance to go to the moon, would you go? why or why not?  no.  i don't want to be in space that long. what if your friend could not have a child, would you carry her child for her?   honestly, no. my 1st job was:   game stop sales clerk favorite dog breed:   hmmm.  i really really like akita inus.  papillons, too. assuming you had the cash to make it happen, what would your ideal living situation be at this point in your life (i.e. with who, where, under what circumstances, etc.)?  how does your ideal compare to your current situation?   i don't have anyone i'd like to live with besides who i do now, but i know i'd really like a wood house in the woods by a waterfall.  it'd be different from where i live now, definitely.  we live right beside a road that leads to a small town. if someone were to travel to your city (assuming they have never been there before), what would you tell them to visit? is your city (or the closest larger city to you) a big tourist area at all?  lmao there's nothing to really visit.  and no. if, as a parent of a teenager, you knew that your teenage daughter was having sex/thinking about having sex, would you put her on birth control pills? do you agree or disagree with those who say that placing teenagers on the pill encourages promiscuous sex? if you’re on the pill, how old were you when you went on it? if you’re not, have you ever considered taking it?   i'd be pretty heavily trying to influence her to not have sex as a teen, but if that's what she really wanted, yes, i'd put her on the pill.  i don't believe it encourages promiscuous sex, no.  i was put on the pill when i was like... maybe 16, but only due to severe period cramps. what is the worst example of poverty you have seen in person? does this make you feel guilty at all (say, for throwing out food that you didn’t finish)?   the saddest thing i saw, actually recently, was a pregnant woman with her husband in the pouring rain with just a small umbrella and a sign.  can't remember what it said, honestly, but it was depressing.  and of course i feel guilty. do you look at sex as a special thing that is shared with someone you love, or do you treat sex more casually? if you are a virgin, are you waiting for the right person to come along, or do you have religious/moral reasons to wait?   it is 100% something special you share with hopefully one person.  and i'm waiting for both reasons. do you unfriend people on facebook who post endless status updates or seem to be begging for attention? what about family members or coworkers – are you comfortable accepting their friend requests?  is there anything on your facebook that could potentially cause trouble for you if someone were to see it?   if you're fishing for attention, hell yes i do.  i don't put up with that.  and i take invites from family, yes.  but i guess my use of profanity could cause some nasty looks from some of my family, particularly my grandma. when you have a significant other, are you honest about everything with that person, or do you think that there are some things better left unsaid? do you want your significant other to be willing to tell you anything and everything as well?   i'm entirely open.  and yes. grossest memory:   that one time my late lizard pooped aaall over my hands and shirt.  i nearly puked. what do you think of "abstinence"?   it's the safest option for everyone. don’t you just hate preachers?   uhhh, nooo...? does a mango smoothie sound good to you now?  omgggg yaaaas what’s something that you find trashy?  very short shorts.  cover your ass, please. crayons or markers?   crayons would you rather receive roses or sunflowers?   roses. do you like to stay in your pajamas all day long?   honestly, i'm always in my pajamas unless i have to go somewhere. mints or chewing gum?   gum. at one point of your life, have you been obsessed with dinosaurs or robots?   dinosaurs, yes.  i was obsessed as a kid.  i still think they're cool. have you ever been in a car accident?   yes. are you afraid of stink bugs?   yeah, they look freaky. are you interested in anime?  somewhat, sure. name your favorite cartoon.   pokemon are you afraid of the dentist?   nah. do you believe in abortion?  no. have you ever tried jolly rancher candy canes?   YUUUUM, yes ;v; do you go hunting?   no. what is your biggest accomplishment in life so far?   recovering. do documentaries bore you?   if they're about animals, no. are you usually happy or sad most of the time?  happy, as of the late. (: are you afraid of spiders?   most, yes. what is your most prized possession?  the plaque i have for graduating in the very top percentage of my class. do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?  closed. have you ever peed in the woods?   no. ever used a gun?   no. who would you like to see in concert?  METALLICA, PLSSSSSS what’s your second favorite color?   pink do you know any african spiritual songs?   no. what kind of stuff do you like on your hot dogs?   mustard and ketchup. what’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?   jason breaking up with me. what’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?   again, jason leaving. who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?   myself? what is one thing you feel your life is missing?   adventure, definitely.  action. which blink-182 song do you think is the most depressing?   that i know?  "i miss you." what color lights are on your christmas tree?   we use colorful ones every year. are there hurricanes where you live?   yep. have you ever been to a rehab center?   i guess that depends on what you mean by "rehab center."  never a place exclusively to get off drugs, no.  but the mental hospitals i've been to doubled as detox centers.  which was remarkably stupid.  you don't treat mental illness patients the same as patients going through detox??? what’s your favorite flavor of ramen?   i don't like ramen. have you ever been given an ink blot test? if so, what did you see in it?   in a therapy thing, yes actually.  and i mean, lots of things?  i was shown various things. are you friends with someone who is a stoner?   no.  wait, yes actually.  but we don't really talk much anymore. do you like playing shooting games at the arcade?   nah. how long have you lived in the house you live in?   only like two months. where did you lose your virginity, if you have?   n/a what color car(s) do your parents drive?   i think dad's is black, mom's is white. what are your views on getting rid of the penny?   i don't really care. which asian country would you most like to visit?   japan have you ever had a nosebleed?   hasn't everyone at one point or another? do you have bangs?   no. have you ever kissed someone underneath mistletoe?   i don't think so. do you have a weak stomach?   no. which website do you spend the most time on?   youtube.  it's always open/i'm always listening to something, usually let's plays. have you ever kissed someone of a different race?   he kissed me, i didn't kiss him. do you read fanfiction? if so, what fandoms?   no, actually. would you go back to your ex if he/she asked you?   tyler, definitely not.  jason, not right away.  he'd definitely have to prove himself to me again. do you like stars, or hearts better?   hearts mickey mouse, or winnie the pooh?   pooh! where is the best place to get ice cream?   coldstone, brother.