#i recently bought a new pair of shoes‚ and‚ like a fool...

[definitelyimportantpost]

few pains exist like realizing you may have made a sub-par financial decision

[levis-little-nuggie]

hi! i just saw the post about requests and could you write some fluffy sex headcanons with the brothers? we don't really see stuff like that so i thought i'd ask

Bless you nonny for the request 💜💜 this uh, turned out a lot longer than I had anticipated, probably because I haven't written anything in a good while 😅

Asmo and Belphie will have their own posts 💜

Nsft, obviously, so everything is under the Read More. I made the reader as gender neutral and inclusive as I could. Please let me know if at any point, I was exclusive.

Fluffy Sex Headcanons of the Demon Brothers

(minus Asmo and Belphie)

Lucifer

This man will top or bottom solely dependent upon what you want. Sex with him is moreso about pleasing his partner than just getting off. His preferences are fine tuned to your desires and your body’s limits. Lucifer’s sin feeds off of the immense pride a lover feels when they know you and your body better than you do

He may act cold and aloof in public and in front of others, coming off as stoic and arrogant, but it’s a completely different story behind closed doors.

However you want him, he’ll comply. You’ve done the impossible and captured his heart.  Don’t let this old man and his brown shoes fool you, he’ll drown you in passion.

He’ll gladly play the Dom role, but he’ll also gladly be your sub as well.

If you’re into BDSM and prefer him to Dom, you can expect an intensive aftercare routine that would rival Asmo’s. It’s not that he doesn’t like hurting you or pushing you to your limits, he just wants to reward you for being so good for him and wants to remind you how much he loves you.

If you’re into BDSM and prefer to Dom yourself, go crazy! While you would be capable of marking and bruising his skin, you can’t physically hurt or break him beyond light scratches. He can break out of whatever restraints you put him, even if they are demon-grade. You would need actual spells to diminish his strength to put him on par with a lower-class demon if you wanted him to actually feel any real pain, but if it’s what you want, he’ll do it. Expect a conversation beforehand about what you want and how he can do that for you. He wants there to be clear communication so he knows how best to serve you in the moments to come.

Sure the sex is fantastic, but he’ll show you how much he loves you in the tender moments after. The afterglow is his favorite part, both of you basking in the remnants of pleasure coursing through you, the physical numbness, and the swell of feel-good chemicals swirling through your bodies. This is when he’ll hold you closest, pepper your skin with kisses unable to stop himself, he’ll play with your hair if you have it, his eyes will be bright, his smile will be unrestrained. He may even start humming a long-forgotten lullaby or your favorite song as he rests his head against your chest, hearing your heartbeat in blissful content until one of you decides it’s time to get cleaned up.

No matter how long the day has been, the amount of hours he’s put into all that damn paperwork, he’ll always make time to pamper you after sex. If you prefer to shower alone, he’ll let you go first and have the bed ready with new, clean sheets and clean towels set out for you when you’re done. Prefer to sleep with pajamas? He has a drawer dedicated to your favorite things along with some new ones he bought for you.

Mammon

Ah yes, the tsundere. The dumbass in the streets, dumbass in the sheets. The one who has more hair-brained ideas than he does fingers and toes in one week. One of the greatest banes of Lucifer’s existence.

His push and pull personality might have you questioning the validity of his feelings, but I believe that Mammon wouldn’t be partaking in fluffy sex at all unless he was absolutely smitten.

With how his brothers treat him, he’s reluctant to open his heart to you and fully accept that at some point, you won’t start insulting him either. However, equipped with the sin of greed, Mammon’s completely helpless when you compliment and reassure him. 

His standoffish attitude is a front, a feeble attempt to keep up his reputation as “The Great Mammon,” but he’s got himself wrapped around your finger before he even realizes it and that facade would melt away instantly at your smallest of smiles, a kiss on his cheek or back of his hand, a surprise compliment, anything that makes his heart skip a beat. 

Of the brothers, he has one of the weakest composers around you mainly because he’s also one of the horniest. 

Sex with Mammon can be rushed;  a quickie between classes, a broken composure that has him feeling dehydrated for you, a clash of tongues and teech and a burning desire that encompasses both of you until you find release.

However, the sweetest and fluffiest sex with Mammon would be when either of you are feeling emotionally vulnerable. 

He’ll treat you like you’re the greatest treasure to have ever existed in all three realms, with a delicacy as if you’re fragile because he knows he can be careless and reckless. He’ll be in his head a lot making sure he’s taking care of you, that you feel good, doing his damndest to keep you satisfied so there’s no room in your heart to doubt him. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep that sparkle in your eye when you look at him, to never lose you and never have to experience the day you realize his brothers have been right all along. 

And I mean he’ll do whatever and however. Any wish is his command, but you’ll have more work cut out for you if you suggest the both of you participating in a threesome or more. He wants you all to himself, it’s his greed, but it’s your reassurance and validation that will have him like putty in your hand. 

He’s more than okay with both of you falling asleep in your mess, but more often than not, he’ll wait until you’ve dozed off to clean up. In these moments, he takes the time to worship every inch of your skin, like polishing a priceless jewel. His intentions are pure, most of the time, he just likes to wait till you’re asleep so there’s no chance for you to tease him about it. It also allows his greed to soak up your peaceful expression, the way your body reaches out to him after he’s finished cleaning and comes back to curl up next to you. 

There’s a secret photo album hidden on his phone filled with pictures of the both of you like this, your lashes against your cheeks, your freckles or sun spots, any blemishes or scars that he’s covered in kisses countless of times, your hand in his and vice versa, memories of how sweet and tender your love is, filled with emotions he struggles to put into words. 

Leviathan

It all depends how you play your cards with this one. Teasing him is easy and it’ll get him all flustered, but pair that with his raging horniness and you’ll be walking a fine line between a Dom or sub Levi.

However, if it’s fluffy and sweet sex you want, treat him gently and he’ll return the favor. It’ll take a bit of time and effort to get here, on both your parts, but if you’re willing to put in the work, he’ll make it worth it. Like Mammon, this means sex will be its fluffiest when either both of you or one of you is emotionally vulnerable.

We’ve recently been blessed by the devs on a cannon description of his tail, confirming that it is snake-like with scales. This also means, however, that his tail is sensitive to touch and he has full control of its movements. During a more sweet intimacy, he likes to wrap his tail around a limb, your arm or your leg. It’s only when he’s in Dom or sub mode that he likes to use his tail in a more active manner.

It’s important for him, whether he realizes it or not, that during these moments, that he’s the one touching you, not his tail. If you ask him to use his tail too much during sex, he’ll start to think that you’re only with him because of his tail.

He’ll want to see you even though his room is dimly lit. He also knows his tub bed might not be the most comfortable so he’ll invest in a mattress to put on the floor by the tank, and a few fluffy blankets, from the Ruri-chan line of course, to keep you warm and comfortable so you’ll never want to leave his room, just like him.

He prefers any position that has the two of you lying together, with your face in clear view because he can’t get enough of the faces you make because of the pleasure he’s responsible for making you feel. He’ll be more focused on your voice, your body language, your reactions to reassure him he’s doing something right.

To see your naked skin kissed with the reflection of the water from the tank is his favorite part. He actually got a nosebleed the first time he saw you like that. 

Sex with the otaku is a learning experience that requires patience and repetitive reassurance. He’s certain that no one could ever love him, and it’s going to cost a lot of mental energy, and it can be disheartening at times where it seems he’s not made any progress in loving himself at all, but you’ll both also have an opportunity to create something truly beautiful between the two of you. Falling in love with your best friend, and having your feelings returned with all their heart is one of the most beautiful things to ever experience.

Satan

I like to imagine that Satan is akin to that tiger DILF in Zootopia looking at his tablet while on the train, you know, the one who looks like he’ll take good care of you? Listen, during one of his Devilgram stories, the man pitches a tent (like an actual tent, not a boner you guys) and makes both of you cups of hot chocolate. You can pry this hc out of my cold, dead hands.

Sex with Satan is actually more often fluffy and sweet than anyone would assume because he’s the Avatar of Wrath. Just like all the other brothers, Satan is more than his sin. That being said, Satan is still CEO of Angry Sex™ but he’s also more intune to his own feelings than the rest of his brothers. 

It’s after his more violent fits of rage that he’s seeking your comfort. It’s difficult for him to come down from his wrath; the worse the fit is, the more broken and twisted he feels. He didn’t like coming to you at first because he knows how mentally draining it can be for a human to deal with someone like that, but you’ve insisted in your endearing and stubborn way that he can and needs to rely on you more. You threatened to find all the sources proving your point for the success of any relationship and he eventually gave in, accepting your kindness and your love.

In turn, he provides you with an arsenal of reading material and spells you can arm yourself with for a plethora of reasons; mainly self-defense against demons, a history of successful and failed attempts to prank Lucifer, as well as guides for subjects in class to help you study.

Unlike his previous brothers, sex with Satan is more about the pleasure you both feel. Of course he’ll still be mindful of your pleasure, but he can also get lost in his own desire. No matter how far gone he is, you know that the moment you utter the safeword, he’ll stop immediately and assess the situation. The safeword is actually a simple spell that he’d found when you two started getting more intimate.

On days he’s feeling extra playful, he’ll dress up for you; a collar with a bell, cat ears, a butt plug with a tail attached. He loves to be your little kitty cat, and will practically foam at the mouth if you ever dressed up like a slutty cat for him, but this doesn’t lead to fluffy smut times.

While he has no issues with PDA, Satan reserves his more soft and fluffy side for when you two are totally alone. He’s proactive in looking up cute date ideas and is the type to go all out turning his bed or his floor into a nest of pillows and blankets, cups of tea, hot chocolate, coffee, whatever you prefer, a variety of little snacks, and turn his wall into a projection screen to watch old-fashioned black and white romance movies. 

For Satan, it’s the moments leading up to the sweet intimacy filled with love and adoration that are his favorites. Being the reason your face brightens, tears of happiness well in the corner of your eyes, the way your smile makes his heart stutters, Satan loves showing you how much you mean to him mainly because he knows he’s not the best with words. He could recite any poem of strings of song lyrics, but he believes actions speak louder than words.

He actually prefers for you to have control in these moments; there’s less of a chance he could hurt you and it’s another way to prove his love. He’ll only ever bottom for you. He was reluctant at first, but it’s like you opened his eyes to a whole new world he didn’t know about. He still likes to act like he's a cat and you're his mouse, but he also likes it when you take over and make him bow to your whim. You've gained his trust as well as his heart and he believes that the power dynamic in a relationship should be balanced.

During the most intimate moments, either right after sex or waking up together in the morning after sleeping in, you'll both enter this Cat Speak mode. One of you will start, just a cute little "mrow?" and you'll go back and forth entertaining a semblance of a conversation but without saying anything. There's no actual conversation happening, it's just the two of you making cat noises at each other, giggling and riding the high of this special intimacy specially reserved for these moments of bliss.

Beel

Let’s be honest, 9 times out of 10 your sex with the sixth-born will be fluffy and sweet. He’s like the personified version of a golden retriever. He loves you and has the instinct to want to take care of you. You’re such a small, delicate human, and his brothers love you too so when you’re in Beel’s care, he makes sure you’re satisfied more than just sexually. 

Anything you’re willing to give him, he’ll accept wholeheartedly expressing his love and gratitude in the form of huge grins, hugs, a hearty chuckle, and peppering kisses across your face. 

Even though he’s not as sexually active as some of his brothers, once you get this big guy started, be prepared to cancel any plans you have for the rest of the day… and also the day after just to be safe. He has the most energy and will keep going until he’s had you against every solid surface in his room, minus Belphie’s furniture of course. Regardless of your size or how you look, he’ll make you feel weightless as he carries you around the room effortlessly

He loves the way you taste, gliding his tongue over your skin like you’re an ice-cream cone that never melts, he’s actually growled a number of times when you tried pulling yourself away from him. His eyes had turned shades darker than normal before you snapped him out of it. He would apologize profusely and kill the mood so as to make sure he’s in the right headspace and you’re okay. 

This has only happened a few times, but he still loves to taste every inch of you whenever he has you all to himself. He leaves you covered in hickeys and love bites and even though he’ll apologize, you know he feels absolutely no shame in his brother’s reactions to seeing you covered the next day. 

His favorite part is helping you ride out your orgasm with his mouth. He knows he’s more skilled with his mouth anyway and just, the man cannot get enough of you or your taste. Depending on where he’s at when you orgasm, if he’s close, he’ll paint your skin in his release, and then clean up the mess and drag you in for snuggles. If he’s not quite there yet, he’ll assess your energy levels and wait until you’re ready to go again or keep going, depending on who topped or bottomed. He’s all about consent and wants to join you when you’re fully blissed out regardless if he’s finished or not (meaning he’ll deny his own release in order to lie with you).

Aftercare comes almost second nature to him. He’s already carrying you to the bathroom and soaking you off in the shower before you realize it. The warm water and his large hands invade your senses and he urges you to let go, to let him take care of you and it’s like a dream. His calloused hands offer a sort of comforting roughness that keeps you grounded. If you want shower sex, you’ll have to initiate it.

Actually, that’s pretty accurate for Beel. You want sex? You’re either going to have to initiate it or tell him straight out. Poor guy does not take hints well as he is very oblivious.

[sofee-d]

Crossing the Line

Short Summary: You dealing with an annoying Sejun who won’t stop teasing you and the aftermath...

Pairing: Im Sejun (Victon) x Fem!Reader ft. Byungchan & Subin

Warnings: Angst, Smut (18+), swearing

Key Words: misunderstandings, conflict, playful teasing, cocky Sejun

Word Count: 3417

࿏

After becoming close friends with Hanse, your best friends beloved boyfriend, it was a natural occurance for you to hang out at the dorm even when your friend or Hanse wasn’t there. Most of the time you would be bored out of your mind and decide to drop by the dorm to kill some time playing games or stuffing your face with some unhealthy snacks Sejun always seems to have lying around. 

You would describe your relationship with Sejun as complicated. With the endless bickering, snarky comments and even some flirty teasing neither of you wanted to admit having feelings for the other. Funnily enough all the boys somehow knew and disapproved of your childish antics. The way he drove you mad just to see your reactions or the way you would steal his food just to spite him was both hilarious and kinda sad to the other boys.

Essentially it was supposed to be just another day with the boys when you decided to drop by their dorm after being invited to see the new game Subin bought recently. It had just been barely an hour that you came in with some pastries and coffee you bought for everyone and started playing Subin’s new 4 player game with Byungchan and Subin that Sejun started being annoying. He was putting in the extra effort that day for some reason you didn’t understand as he was trying to distract you or block your view of the TV to make you lose the game.

‘‘If you don’t cut that out I swear...’‘ you said while trying to push his arms away with your elbow. 

‘‘You’d do what? Beat me up?’‘ Sejun laughed. ‘‘We both know you can’t possibly hurt me Y/N.’‘ he said, you could feel the smirk on his face even when your eyes were glued to the screen.

‘’Can you two like confess to each other and date already so we don’t have go through a World War whenever Y/N comes around?’’ Byungchan said as he rolled his eyes disapprovingly.

‘‘Yeah you guys are so lame, acting like high school kids.’‘ Subin agreed with a laugh.

You could feel the embarrassment creeping up from within you but before you had the chance to deny their completely groundless accusations Sejun beat you to it.

‘’What the hell are you talking about?’’ Sejun smacked both of their heads lightly, his eyes getting big slightly from the shock of their bluntness and he continued; ‘’I only tease Y/N like that because I see her as one of the boys. Why would I like her, that’s ridiculous. But she probably has a crush on me. I mean I wouldn’t blame her.’’ 

You suddenly stopped the game and saw the most smug, unapologetic expression on this face. You were shocked and overwhelmed with different emotions as you registered what he just said and added the disturbing expression in your head. Anger and sadness started mixing up inside you as you wanted to yell at him and cuss him out but nothing was coming out of your mouth.

Byungchan and Subin stopped their game abrupty as well and stared at each other for a few seconds then immediately got up and left the living room as they anticipated the conflict that was about to occur.

Sejun’s expression changed from smug to concerned and then to apologetic as he was staring at you, waiting for what you had to say. After you suddenly stood up and started gathering your things Sejun realized the weight of his mistake. 

‘‘Hey Y/N it was a joke don’t leave ok?’‘ you barely heard him say with a small voice.

‘‘I’m leaving.’‘ that was all you said without even looking at his face as you strided to the door as fast as possible. Just as you quickly put your shoes on and opened the door you felt his hand on your forearm.

‘‘Y/N... I’m sorry.’‘ he said with a gentle tone. You couldn’t even bring yourself to turn around and look at him. Because if you did then all of the hurt he caused you would go away with one look and a simple apology.

This wasn’t the first time he made such comments in front of the boys. Whenever one of them would say something snarky about you two dating he would put all the blame on you and make it seem like you’re pining for him when he doesn’t even care about you. Even though it was always him initiating the teasing or picking fights with you out of nowhere.

‘‘Let go.’‘ you said while shaking his hand off and going out of the door without even glancing back. You just wanted to get home as soon as possible and deal with these ridiculous feelings Sejun always seems to cause you to have.

After hearing the door being slammed Byungchan and Subin came back to the living room to find a defeated Sejun, still staring at the door a little bit in shock of how fast things escalated.

‘‘You do realize you were an absolute dick right?’‘ Byungchan was the first one to speak.

‘‘Yeah hyung, why did you say those things? Don’t you like her?’‘ Subin continued, concerned.

‘‘I know, I know. I was an asshole. Hell, I am an asshole. I thought I was protecting our friendship when I denied all that you guys said. I thought things wouldn’t be the same between us once we cross that line... I was wrong.’’ Sejun said looking regretful.

He came to a sudden realization and started putting his shoes on getting ready to leave.

‘‘Where are you going?’‘ Byungchan asked.

‘‘I’m going after her. I’m gonna make it right and tell her the truth.’‘ Sejun said smiling slightly feeling hopeful.

Byungchan and Subin watched as Sejun took off in a rush with a sheepish grin on their faces as if to say ‘’It was about time’’.

࿏

You were in the process of making some hot chocolate to calm yourself down when you heard your door ring. When you looked through the peephole you found a panting Sejun, much to your dismay.

‘‘Come on Y/N! You need to hear me out. Please...’‘ you heard him say through the door, his voice getting smaller by the end.

You decided to open the door since he followed you all the way to your house. As soon as the door got opened Sejun rushed inside.

‘‘What the hell are you doing at my house Sejun?’‘ you spoke making eye contact with him for the first time since your conflict.

You could tell he noticed as his expression softened when he caught your gaze.

‘‘I’m here to apologize. Also to make this right.’’ he said, then pausing to take a deep breath he continued; ‘’I’m sorry Y/N, for treating you like that. I just didn’t want things to be awkward between us. I was being a selfish dick. You have every right to be mad at me. But I’ll make it up to you. You’ll see.’‘ by the end of his sentence that boyish smirk he always has when he challanges you was back with his cute dimples to accompany it.

Unvoluntarily your mouth started forming the shape of a smile and he caught it instantly.

‘‘You’re not mad at me anymore right?’‘ he said giving you a full display of his dimples, smiling from ear to ear. 

How could you stay mad at this ridiculously handsome fool, he knew exactly what he was doing to you. Suddenly realizing the power he holds over you, you decided to focus more on the hot chocolate you left unattended on the counter of your kitchen.

‘‘Hey, why are you ignoring me? I thought you weren’t mad at me anymore?’‘ he said while following you to the kitchen. You could see him pouting a little bit from the corner of your eye but you were not directly facing him.

‘‘But one thing I said there was true though. You really do like me.’‘ you could hear him smile through his voice during that last part even when you weren’t facing him.

‘‘How delusional are you Sejun? Not everyone in the World has a crush on you ok?’‘ you retorted back still not making direct eye contact.

Taking your indifference as a challenge Sejun decided to turn you around and put his face really close to yours to force you to look at him all the while having a sheepish grin on his face.

‘‘See! You like me. You can’t even look at me. I’ve never seen you avert your eyes from someone before.’‘ he said, getting even closer to your face and finally managing to make you look at him. 

With that last statement you realized that he was paying more attention to you than you thought. You stared at each other only for a few seconds, trying to read each others expressions. Unlike his previous sheepish grin Sejun looked somewhat serious which made you feel sort of confused. It was you who broke the trance first.

‘’No! I said I don’t like you!’’ You did the only thing you could think of and pushed him away, a little bit harshly. Which caused him to unwillingly take a few steps back from you. He seemed almost hurt and a little bit shocked about your reaction. But suddenly you saw his expression change from somewhat sad and confused to that cocky smirk you hated.

As if something inside of him snapped, he took quick strides towards you and took you by the waist. Without giving you time to react he placed his hands on the sides of your face and locked his lips to yours.

To say that you were shocked would be an understatement. Your brain was still registering what was going on while your body acted faster. One second Sejun was making fun of you for liking him and the next, he was kissing you. And you were kissing him back.

The only thing you could focus on was his warm lips feeling soft against your own. He was uncharacteristically being very gentle with you. You started to ease more into kiss, placing your hands on his shoulders while his hands rested on your waist, slowly pulling you more into himself. It was Sejun who pulled away first, wearing a warm smile this time instead of his previous smirk.

‘‘Why haven’t we done this before?’‘ he said still holding onto your waist and lightly laughing a little bit, which also made you giggle.

‘‘Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you’re a jerk?’‘ you replied suddenly feeling more confident.

Closing his eyes he bonded his lips with you again as if to shut you up. But this time it was more passionate than gentle. Your lips parted slightly, your tongue lightly touching his lower lip was like an invitation to go further so he deepened the kiss, allowing his tongue to dip into your mouth to blend with yours.

Now that your lips were moving in unison Sejun brought a feeling of urgency as his hands trailed on the sides of your arms. Things were getting more heated by the second as you completely abandoned all rational thought. Sejun was pulling you impossibly close to himself with one hand while his other hand was gently holding your neck. You felt a shiver going up your spine as you felt his large bulge poking you.

As you seperated for a second, seeing each other breathing heavily, hot and bothered, he suddenly lifted you up princess style.

‘‘Sejun! What are you doing?’‘ you giggled, almost getting high from the adrenalline.

He returned your laugh but replied back by kissing you again with even more fervor as he carried you to what he believed to be your bedroom.

‘’Sejun this is the bathroom! Bedroom is this way, god you’ve been in my house how many times already!’‘ you exclaimed while laughing, still giddy from all the excitement.

‘‘Well you could say that you take my breath away babe, I have lost my sense of direction.’‘ he replied winking at you and giving you a charming smile.

You lightly hit his chest and said; ‘’Ew! don’t say that!’’ making a disgusted face but failing to hide your smile.

Your lips locked again as if they stayed far apart for too long. You could tell you finally arrived to your bedroom but Sejun failed to turn you away at the right time while going through the door so your legs hit the door slightly earning a low ‘’OW!’’ from you.

‘‘Sorry, sorry my bad’‘ he said pulling back slightly with a smile then going back to kiss you again, wasting no time.

Sejun dropped you softly on your bed with a bouncy sound. Just as you thought he would jump on you he started staring at you for a little bit with a dreamy look on his face, seemingly mesmerized by what he was seeing.

‘‘What are you doing?’‘ you asked getting a bit self-conscious.

‘‘I’m just etching this memory into my mind. Enjoying it fully.’‘ he said smiling and showing his dimples again. He slowly started coming towards you on the bed while speaking with a soft seductive tone; ‘‘Look at you. So ready for me on your bed.’‘

You were starting to get more frustrated as Sejun climbed on top of you on the bed and removed your shirt leaving you only in your bra. The hungry look on his face as he stared at you was enough to drive you over the edge. You started toying with his shirt, wanting him to take it off too. But he caught your hands with his and said; 

‘‘If you want me to take my shirt off you have to earn it sweetheart.’‘ causing a low growl to escape from your lips making you more frustrated than you already were.

Resuming kissing once more, he pulled back for a second and muttered; ‘‘So beautiful.’‘ while staring directly at your dishevelled half naked state. Sejun pressed his lips against yours again, kissing you deeply. His hand started travelling from your shoulder to your chest. He was playing with the hook of your bra when you felt it coming off. His hands were now on your boobs, caressing them and massaging them, at the same time earning satisfied moans from you. Then his hand started travelling through your stomach making you shiver and rested on your hip, causing a small whimper to escape from your lips.

He suddenly pulled back and said; ‘‘Don’t expect me to hold back if you’re making sounds like that.’‘ with the most serious expression you had seen from him.

You weren’t used to this side of Sejun. He was usually silly and seeing him constantly stuffing his face with food every few hours, it was hard to take him seriously at times. However the Sejun in front of you, immediatelly asserting his dominance with the sultry look on his face was incredibly sexy.

Taking your silence as an agreement he proceeded to play with the waistband of your tiny pajama shorts while keeping his eyes on you the whole time. Your breath hitched as he pulled down your shorts with one swift motion, revealing your panties to display. You saw him take a big gulp as he gave you a once over, being sprawled out before him half naked, waiting to be devoured.

‘‘Fuck, you’re so pretty.’‘ he said suddenly. ‘‘And so wet for me already.’‘ he continued as his hands drew closer to the obvious dark spot on your panties.

‘‘I told you I’d make it up to you, didn’t I?’‘ he muttered, with a devilish look on his face.

Sejun’s fingers slowly parted your panties and slid between your legs causing you to softly moan at the feel of your wet with desire. “Mmmm,” you purred while enjoying the feel of his fingers sliding through your folds. Suddenly Sejun pulled both of your legs to himself and did a quick kitty lick at your slit which made you jump at the sudden contact of his tongue. You sucked in a slow breath feeling his warm tongue push into you. He was staring at you the whole time, eyes darkened with passion. 

You coudn’t help but moan his name while he was working his magic with his tongue. He was truly skilled at this. Watching your reactions carefully, he found the perfect spot to drive you wild and slowly added in a finger while his tongue continued to swirl around in your folds. Another moan escaped your lips with the growing ripple of heat radiating deep within your abdomen. ‘’I’m close Sejun, don’t stop.’’ you managed to get the words out barely.

With a pleased look on his face; ‘’That’s right, come for me baby.’’ he said as he continued to pump 2 fingers into you, while his other hand was teasing your breasts. Your orgasm soon came rushing like a wave as your body started shaking. Breathing heavily, you smiled at Sejun in pure pleasure.

‘‘Since you listened to me well I’ll do you a favor.’‘ Sejun said, removing his shirt quickly.

Now it was your time to gulp while staring at his sculpted body. You leaned forward and touched his chest, causing him to visibly shiver under your touch. You could feel his warmth and his heart thundering under his chest. He was looking into your eyes with such desire that it was hypnotising. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him.

With your growing confidence your hands found his bulge under his sweatpants. He was so hot and throbbing under your touch as you pumped him one time. Closing his eyes, a soft moan escaped his lips. But his hands suddenly caught yours and stopped you from exploring further.

‘‘I’m afraid we don’t have time for that sweetheart. I need to be inside you now.’‘ he said with an almost pained expression.

That was your cue to fetch a condom from the small cupboard near your bed. You were in a rush to open the packet but you were unable to do it. Sejun had to take it from you and open it himself. Finally ridding himself of his sweatpants and boxers, he slid the condom on his hard-on.

‘‘How do you want me?’‘ you found yourself asking which caused Sejun to raise an eyebrow.

‘‘You can’t wait to be fucked can you?’‘ he laughed in a devilish way and instructed; ‘‘On your hands and knees.’‘

You followed his instructions and soon felt him push deeply into you. He easily slid in all thanks to your previous orgasm, he couldn’t help the groan of pleasure at the warmth of your walls holding against him as he started moving.

‘‘Fuck Y/N! You’re so tight. At this rate I’m not gonna last long.’‘ he exlaimed with a grunt.

Changing positions and facing each other this time, he pinned your hands above your head on the headboard as he slid into you once again, causing both of you to moan. As he pumped into you, his eyes not leaving yours, he felt your muscles clench around him causing a soft growl in his throat. Settling on a steady rhythm, series of curse words dropped from both his and your mouth.

You could tell he was close to his climax from the way his thrusts got messier each time. Feeling pleasure rebuild inside you for the second time, you gave him a look as if to say you were about to come.

‘‘I know baby, I’m close too. Let’s come together.’‘ he could get out barely, breathlessly.

When he finally released with a low grunt you also felt your orgasm coming too. In moments you let out a final moan with his name and both of you collasped on the bed together. Breathing heavily you stared at each other through hooded eyes. Sweat was glistening on both of your bodies and at that moment you were both truly content.

‘‘Fuck that was amazing! Let’s do it everyday!’‘ Sejun suddenly said breaking the silence and smiling like a happy fool. You lightly punched his arm, smiling as well.

‘‘Also, just telling you this in case it wasn’t obvious but... I’m crazy about you Y/N. Let’s stop being kids and be together.’‘ Sejun spoke softly showing you a dimpled smile while lightly caressing your cheek.

‘‘Yeah, let’s be together.’‘ you agreed with a sweet smile.

[supremeinlilac]

What a Year

MERRY CHRISTMAS <33

So this is my secret santa gift for @honeysorwell​ and I really hope I did soft!Mina justice for you Val :)) I hope you like it and that everyone has a fabulously happy and safe Christmas Day!!

also massive thank you to the wonderfully fabulous @grilledcheeseandguavajelly for organising this secret Santa so well!! you are appreciated, have an amazing day <33

Pairing: Pre Apocalypse!Wilhemina x Reader

Word count: 4186

Valentines Day

You’d finally made Wilhemina a valentine’s card, after several failed attempts at finding violet paper online, and signed it ‘From your secret admirer’. It made you laugh to yourself as you did it, not believing for a second that she’d fall for it. Sneaking out of her grasp in the bed the next morning, you’d buried the card within all the post at the foot of the door, before returning to your girlfriends’ warmth.

You’d both silently agreed that the day would be relatively normal, which meant no lie-ins despite the occasion. You also both had work to be getting to; long office hours which dragged in the absence of each other. The day was inherently normal, and boring so you found yourself anxious to return and relax with your girlfriend in the evening.

Upon arrival back home, you were met with Wilhemina sat at the table, your card held up in her fingers, a playful smirk set on her face. She’d obviously returned and began to sort through the mail that had been disregarded that morning, finding your card within the mess. You quickly fumbled to hand up your coat and kick the shoes into the footwell before making your way over to her in the kitchen.

“Secret admirer hmm?” she mused, eyes flicking back to the writing in the card. “Looks like you may have some secret competition eh Y/n. What do you think?”

Ignoring the humorous shake of your head, she pushed a card across the table with the letter opener, which was addressed to you in Wilhemina’s staple neat handwriting. “Ooooh” you teased, slowly prising it from beneath her finger and shaking it at her, smiling. The card was small and delicate, with Mina’s loopy writing across the page in her favourite deep purple ink. Pressed flowers adorned the front of the cards, arranged in a bouquet and you gasped at it.

Little one, I am so grateful I can share such occasions as this with you, and I hope to make our own festivity traditions in our future. Happy Valentines Day. From your love, Wilhemina Venable <3

Seen as you were busy smiling at the fact she always signed her full name, and blushing down at your feet at how she wanted to make traditions with you; you failed to notice the small paper package Wilhemina had drawn from a bag beside where she sat.

You were shocked when she pressed the parcel into your hands, eyes darting from the gift up to meet hers and returning slowly to what was in your palms. “What’s this?” you quizzed, hand coming to playfully nudge the woman sat in front of you to hide the surprise you felt at receiving a present.

A faint blush painted her cheeks, and an uncharacteristic nervousness overcame her, hands joining on her cane in front of her as you held the small, wrapped box up. Mina was nervous in case you thought she was going soft, or that the gift was unnecessary and unpractical, so you’d hate it. Her worries were uncalled for though, you’d loved any gift she had bought you previously and would continue to do so in the future.

As the paper was removed to reveal a CD in a blank case you couldn’t help but let confusion cross your face momentarily. Looking up to your girlfriend, she tentatively removed the disk from the casing and ushered you to sit before her.

“It’s a mixtape. I always hear you singing to music in the kitchen when you think I’m not listening, so I found the songs and made you this. I know you could very easily get a playlist nowadays but I’m not incredibly informed in all this new technology you see.” She paused, allowing you to lace your fingers between hers on top of her cane. “I wanted you to know that I don’t want you to have to hide something you love to do because you think I’d disapprove. Your voice is quite beautiful, my dear.”

You were speechless, simply just staring at your girlfriend in disbelief at the effort she had gone to, to give you a gift you’d cherish. You tried to say something but your voice caught in your throat, mouth opening and closing again. At your lack of a response, Mina’s face fell slightly and her fingers twitched on the cane she held.

“You hate it.” She stated, clearing her throat and face tightened, trying to avoid looking disappointed at your reaction. That broke your trance, head shaking rapidly and turning to cup her face in your hands, shocking her as you did.

“It’s perfect. You’re perfect. Thank you.”

“You’ve just made my card look bad now, that’s all.” You admitted, laughing softly and shrugging. She chuckled lightly, placing the CD back in its casing on the table and standing, hand finding yours and pulling you into her.

“I can think of another gift you can give to me little one.”

April Fools

You glanced over your shoulder at your girlfriend reading the book she’d recently found on the shelf, occasionally stopping to spoon muesli into her mouth before returning to the words. Happy that she wasn’t observing your actions, distracted by her book, you subtly spooned a teaspoon of salt into the mug on the left, and sugar into the other.

The clink of the metal spoon against the ceramic filled the kitchen, the noise oddly soothing and domestic in the otherwise heightened buzz of life. You picked up both mugs, bending slightly at the knee as you walked to the table. Wilhemina nodded as you placed the left mug beside her bowl; eyes not leaving the pages they were fixed on.

“Would you be dear and get the milk for me?” She asked just before you sat at the chair opposite and you obliged, crouching at the fridge before returning with the milk. She thanked you when you placed the milk down and settled in your chair, breathing heavily and scribbling on the crossword beside you.

Placing the book down, she gripped her mug between her hands, warming fingers against the ceramic, nails tapping slightly.

You met her eyes over the rim of both of your mugs, hers glinting with what looked suspiciously like mischief. You watched her take a big drink from her mug, tipping your own head back and doing the same as to not arouse your own suspicion, breaking your eye contact as you did so.

“Urghg what the?-” you spluttered, coughing at the harsh taste that invaded your mouth. You’d taken a very large gulp, not expecting the jarring taste prompting you to swallow and choke on the still hot tea. Calming down, you looked up at Mina, who was contently sipping at her drink, eyes bright and playful. Lowering the mug, you could see her lips pulled into a smug grin as she settled comfortably back into her chair, bemused at watching you trying to figure out how she’d managed to pull the wool over your eyes.

You groaned in defeat, head falling into your hands dramatically. You’d fallen for her trick, getting that milk that she never even touched. You didn’t notice. Why did you think she didn’t know what day it is. Wilhemina pushed herself up  from her chair, hovering over your still hunched form. “Nice try little one” she cooed, patting your hair before leaving the room to get herself ready for work.

You huffed, arms crossing at your chest, smirk pulling at your lips at the fact she’d actually joined in on the pranks. Despite now having a disgusting taste in the back of your mouth, you felt happy at the fact you’d been challenged.

‘Oh it is on’ you thought to yourself, brain already wandering to things that could get Wilhemina back.

Easter

“I hate chocolate” she stated bluntly, making no attempt to take the egg from where you were eagerly holding it out to her.

“No one hates chocolate Wilhemina” you sulked, arms pushing the chocolate furter towards her, a pout set firmly onto your face. She gingerly took it from you, weighing it between her hands and looking at you through amused eyes.

“I made a rabbit pie for the festivities”

“You made a what- No. No!” you beckoned her with a finger to come closer as if you were to divulge a deep secret. You whispered urgently, “You baked the Easter bunny!” you feigned offence, as she scoffed at your theatrics.

You stopped. “Wait. Where did you even get a rabbit?” you stared, eyes wide in shock as she let a soft chuckle escape her lips, hand tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear as she did. “It’s chicken darling. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

Holding the egg up and giving it a wave at you she spoke. “Share this with me then? It is a very copious amount of chocolate for one person to enjoy” she smiled, enjoying the way your face lit up at her request. Beaming, you quickly pecked her jaw before giddily skipping into the other room. Mina stayed for a second, bringing her fingers up to brush where your lips had lingered.

Birthday

Wilhemina carefully lifted the tin out of the oven with one hand, the other clutched desperately at her cane, steadying herself from accident. Stretching up and sliding the cake onto the tabletop, she let a deep breath out, thankful to have been able to complete this baking malarkey without hitch. Needless to say, Wilhemina was not one for such domestic acts, as baking a cake for a loved one or planning a surprise that wasn’t a casual act of viciousness.

The cake looked too simple for Wilhemina’s high standards when she’d prised it out of the tin and onto a plate. It was a very humble cake, which she would have been quite happy with had it just been her birthday; but she needed it to have a little more character since she new how eccentric you could be.

A candle and a small sprig of lavender later, and she nodded proudly to herself. The cake looked exactly as it had done before; only now it had a candle and some lavender perched on top ridiculously. The sight would have made anyone else laugh, but Wilhemina didn’t see the need for excessive decoration when the cake was meant to be the centrepiece. It was, after all, the thing she’d just spent over two hours preparing, and having unnecessary distractions from it was not something she required.

You skipped through from the living room at the sound of her calling for you, stopping still when she shouted “CLOSE YOUR EYES!!” Raising your arms in exasperation and dropping them dramatically at your sides again you stood by the doorframe. “How am I supposed to come in when I can’t see where I’m going” you sassed, arms coming to cross at your chest. Wilhemina scoffed, ignored your lip, instead guiding you forward to sit at the table and settling herself, leaning on the back of the chair opposite.

“Open them.”

As you took in the sight of her with the cake candidly placed in front of you, a warm grin formed on your lips, stretching wider when her lips curled up to match yours in glee. You pictured her swaying in the kitchen to classical music, wrapped in your favourite yellow apron with a dusting of flour on her nose.

“You made this?” you giggled, plucking the lavender out of the cake and smelling it. “Yes. Don’t act so surprised little miss. Want a piece?”

She turned to retrieve a knife and plates and you struggled to bite back a surprised laugh, a small giggle escaping as you did. She stopped and turned at the noise, eyebrow quipped in question as your hands lingered in front of your mouth, grin still firmly in place. “Mina. Turn around.” She slowly did as you asked, the flour print on her butt coming back into your view, a stark contrast from the deep purple skirt.

You couldn’t help the laughter that erupted from you, bending over to clutch at your aching stomach. Wilhemina at first went rigid, hand trying to inconspicuously wipe the flour from her dress when she realised the source of your laughter. Then she took in how your shoulders shook, and you let out a little snort, and she found herself laughing as well, hand on the table for support as you both gasped at each other.

When the laughter had bubbled to nothing, you both sat eating the cake and discussing weekend plans. The cake was vanilla; plain, but so incredibly Wilhemina it made your heart ache with pride at her first edible cake being made for your birthday. “It is not as bad as I had bargained it to be.” She hummed, fork between her teeth as you used yours to pick up crumbs from the plate.

“It was delicious. Thank you for making it for me, I know how you hate to bake.”

Nodding at your compliment, she gathered the plates towards her and pointed towards the front door. “Fetch my bag sweetheart?” she asked, sighing into the back of the chair, watching you rise to do as she asked. While you searched for her bag she clattered the dishes into the sink and retired into the living room, sinking down into the armchair.

“Thank you.” She breathed, taking the bag from your hands and motioning for you to sit at her feet on the carpet. This was a usual position the two of you found yourselves in, your head resting in her lap. Watching her, she pulled out two parcels from her bag, setting them in from of you on her lap.

She’d bought you a pale lilac lacey lingerie set and a desk organiser- always the one for practicality over vanity.  Having overheard you complaining about your work desk always being littered with stationary and hazardly strewn papers no matter how many times you’d clear it, she’d taken it upon herself to right the issue.

You weren’t surprised at her observance, as she had the sharpest eye of anyone you knew; but you were touched that she’d taken the time to find items she new you needed and wanted out of her otherwise very busy days.

Wilhemina never liked outward shows of emotion or physical affection in the early stages of your relationship, even in the confides of your private home; so she was thoroughly taken aback when you launched yourself into her. “Thank you Mina, I love them.” You squeezed her tighter, careful to avoid the curve of her spine in your giddy excitement. Overcoming the initial shock, she slowly encased you in her arms, inhaling into your hair that sat just to the side of her face.

“Happy Birthday little one.”

Bonfire night (apologises if this is just a British thing)

“There you go, little one. We can’t have you getting cold now can we?” She tightened the scarf around your neck, fastening it and patting it down, pausing to flash her eyes down your body. You were buried in enough layers to warm the dead, arms poking out at an angle because they couldn’t lie flat. Your flushed face peeked out between hat and scarf, smile fixed on your lips as you watched her fix her own scarf into place, her own outfit lacking the excessive amount of layers she claimed you needed.

You bit back a comment about never being cold again in all this wool as she nuzzled her face into yours. “Lets go!” you squealed, grasping her cane from where it stood, propped against the wall and pushing it into her waiting hands. Wrapping your arm around her waist you opened the door, cold wind pushing into the house, and ushered you both out into the night.

Your town was holding a bonfire night firework display which you’d convinced Mina would be a beautiful thing to watch together. She’d let you know her disdain for the occasion; how it had come about because of an old man wanting to blow up the Houses of Parliament who was consequently put to death. Gruesomely, she added; sparing you none of the details of his demise. She also pointed out the mistakes in the plot that she insisted she would not have made if she’d wanted to do such a thing.

Once you’d guided Mina over the softened grass of the field, careful to prevent her from slipping on the mud of a slight slope, you both settled together near the fence so she could use it for support should she need it. The fireworks started, intrusive bangs and bright light flooding your senses which somehow managed to hold their beauty, despite their obtrusiveness.

You stood in front of her; your back to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around your waist pulling you against her in the darkness that encased you. Although there was quite a crowd in the field with you for the display, you only felt the presence of your lover behind you. Her warmth seeped through into you, her warm breath on your cheek leaving smoky vapours to curl around your face in the night.

It was cold. But Wilhemina made you warm.

“You see that lilac one there?” pointing skywards at the firework and burying her chin into your shoulder. “They use potassium to get that colour, see?” Another purple firework exploded in front of you, reinforcing her point.

Turning your face towards her, nosing bumping when she didn’t pull away, you gazed at her. Despite her previous opposition for attending the fireworks, you didn’t miss how her eyes glistened when they would pop in the sky, eyelids fluttering as they’d descend in shimmering light through the atmosphere. “I love you.” You confessed, in awe at her knowledge and how she never let you feel unsafe in her presence.

“I love you too my darling. Now, you see that red one up there?”

Christmas

“It’s Christmas” you hummed, craning your neck to pepper Wilhemina with kisses over her closed eyes until they fluttered open and fixed you with a fake annoyed look. “What do you want me to do about that?” she huffed in fake annoyance, batting you away to pull herself out of bed, smoothing the covers down behind you.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, You and Mina had had many conversations about how Christmas day would go, seen as you were an avid celebrater of the day and she would merely go about her day normally if you’d allow it. Meeting in the middle, you’d agreed upon a cosy and relaxed day at your home; cooking dinner together and wearing matching jumpers.

Okay, so Wilhemina hadn’t exactly agreed to wearing any sort of Christmas attire, never mind matching with you. In fact, she’s been explicitly vocal in her opposition of the idea. Naturally, you’d gone ahead and bought two matching jumpers anyway, knowing she’d cave in with a little persuasion on your part.

“But Mina.” You whines, childishly tugging on her sleeve as she prepped the carrots and potatoes for dinner. “I even toned down my choice, just for you.” She stopped, quirking an eyebrow in question and handing you the peeler to continue while she checked on the turkey. “Well, I was going to buy ones with bells on. But I didn’t! I chose a borringg one just for you.” You pestered, dragging out the sentence and flicking a piece of carrot at her, grinning stupidly.

She finally gave in after you promised to stop mithering her and allow you to cook quietly, the steady thrum of the Christmas music outside washing calm over the both of you, now donned in matching Rudolph jumpers, working in synchronised unison without having to talk. Mina liked it like this, and you were content to sway lightly and hum a quiet carol to yourself.

The dinner you made was absolutely the most beautiful thing you’d experienced with Wilhemina. Both sat in jumpers, walls completely down for the other and simply existing alongside the person you loved most in the world, eating Christmas lunch and laughing. Really laughing. At the corny jokes in the crackers, to the way your paper hat drooped down over your eyes making Mina fawn.

After the dinner you moved seamlessly to the living room, wordlessly content to leave the dishes for later. Resuming the usual position of Wilhemina in the chair and you kneeling at her feet, head in her lap as her nails lightly scraped at your scalp. The gifts under the tree had been moved to allow you to reach them from where you sat, Mina guiding you with a nod about which gift you were to open first.

Wilhemina had provided you with gifts that held hidden meaning behind them, but were more material than she’d usually purchase; for example the earrings you’d fawned over when you shopped together one day that she just couldn’t help but nip back on a lunch break to retrieve. She’d also gotten you her favourite book that you’d yet to read, even after insisting months ago. “Now you’ve no excuse but to read it. It really is an exquisite book Y/n.”

All of her gifts were perfectly wrapped in her signature brown paper and secured with a curled purple ribbon. Setting them under the tree had proved a challenge for the redhead but she’d been insistent that she place them herself when you offered. “No. I purchased these gifts, so I will be the one to arrange them under the tree.”

You had taken a more practical approach to her presents, knowing she was not one for material goods, nor small sentimental items that would be lost or forgotten about in the rush of your lives within a week. You’d clumsily wrapped your gifts in glittery silver wrapping paper which left silver glitter over everything it touched. It made Wilhemina’s nose scrunch up in distaste as she unwrapped them, her hands sparkling in the glow of the light with glitter.

After some arguments with yourself over the best practical gifts for your girlfriend, you’d settled on a deep mauve weighted blanket which could ease her back pain on difficult days and simply be a comfort on others. Accompanying that, you’d bought her some more leather fingerless gloves and another expensive cane with silver piping and a hummingbird engraved deep into the wood of the handle.

She’d gasped when unwrapping the cane, as you did the earrings, at the intricacy of the detail running through them. Lingering kisses and warm touches followed the gift giving, basking in the glow of the fire in the living room where you knelt by her chair, neck craned to meet your lover in a kiss against her soft lips.

Wilhemina had started to ramble again about the ridiculous notions of Christmas, face flushed with the alcohol, face serious as you gazed up from your position of the floor, equally buzzed with inebriation as your counterpart. “The insinuation that St Nicholas can visit ever child’s home in one night is simply-“she faltered, hiccupping and waving an arm for effect, “-is simply just abhorrently, scientifically wrong. I could never entertain the idea.”

“And as for the idea tha-” you silenced her with another kiss, rising from the floor to straddle her lap and press your body against hers. “I love you.” You breathed, head resting in her neck and fingers numbly playing with her loose hair.

You stayed in that position, happy in each other’s embrace as the evening drew on. Fingers tangled lazily within hair and other fingers and shaped were traced on bare skin. Whispered stories of pasts were shared and comfort given when needed, tears wiped by the careful brush of a thumb. Eventually you fell asleep, mind blank and peaceful after the first of many shared Christmas days between you both.

New Years Eve

“You’ve never kissed anyone on New Years Eve before?” you quizzed, cocking your head at the older woman beside you, who crossed her arms across her chest and huffed dramatically.

“I have simply never been in the company of anyone I wished to share such an intimacy with” she chimed back, before softening and smiling down at you, “until you my dear.”

The clock chimed and you smiled up at her, fingers dancing behind her neck as you pulled her down to meet you in a kiss. She relaxed into you and you felt her smile against your lips, hands reaching for your waist to pull you flush against her.

As the chimes faded, you let yourself slip from her embrace, thumb coming up to brush over her swollen lower lip as you blushed. “Happy New Year Mina.” You whispered, head falling to her chest as you wrapped your arms around her in a hug.

Patting your back a few times; still quite unsure about such acts of physical attention, she finally allowed herself to relax. Melting into your body, her chin rested on the top of your head, dipping only to linger a kiss in the hair. 

“Happy New Year Y/n.”

[darkenedreaper]

The Velvet Box

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: angst, lil fluff

A/n: requested by lovely @captain-josslett hope you enjoy honey

You and Natasha had been happily together for 2 years. The two of you had moved into a spare room within the compound. It was on the floor below her old room and it was on the same floor as your old room. Natasha was the happiest she’d been in a long time. The same for you.

After that extremely traumatic event that was your parents death, Natasha had become everything to you. You felt the desperate need to protect her, contrast to how you couldn’t protect your parents fro Hydra. The Avengers become your family. And you were deeply grateful.

Your shared room was simply decorated. There was some photos of the both of you and some of you and the Avengers scattered around the room. She had her own photo of you and her on her bedside table. It was a Polaroid, your arms were wrapped around her waist as she held the machine by her head with her hand, the other holding onto your wrist.

You and the Avengers had recently had a tough mission and had easily finished it. So Tony was holding a little dinner for all of you. Natasha had gotten ready putting on the finishing touches of her black dress, which ended just above her kneecaps. The straps of her dress left room to show off her collarbone and her shoes were black, only added to the beauty she had. Her red curls were perfectly draped over her back and arms and her mascara highlighted her eyes. You wore a black shirt that had 3 buttons open. Your shirt was tucked into your black pants and you wore a thin suit jacket over it. You had checked for the 100th time that the small velvet box was in your jacket pocket. And you made a mental note to not take it off. She came over and greeted you with a kiss on your cheek, raising her head slightly so she could reach you. You hadn’t worn a dress and you looked strong in that suit, which Natasha was fond off. But you still had that feminine shine. She linked your arm with yours and you left your room, lamp turned on to come back into after the small group party.

You had been gathered around the glass coffee table, Steve’s soft music was quietly playing on the speakers and you had made subtle eye contact with Clint and he knew it was time. He took away Steve, Bucky and Bruce. Which left Tony, Thor, Wanda and Vision. Tony got the hint and as you and Natasha were in conversation, Tony and Thor excused themselves as they were gently arguing over who had the best suit. Vision had left to go and make Wanda another cocktail and so Wanda rushes to his help, hoping to not have another incident in where the drink spilt all over the counter. They had given you space, far enough so you were basically alone but close enough that they could just catch what you were saying. You turned to Natasha catching her attention as her eyes stuck on yours and her lips turned up.

“Nat. You know how much I love you and, how much you mean to me. I’m not that good with words but, I.. I wanted to ask you something.”

She listened to you with confusion and then everything clicked into place once you had slipped off the sofa and onto one knee in the floor. She watched you take out a velvet box and she dreaded what came next. There it was. A silver white coloured ring with a diamond sitting on top of it. It was beautiful, yes.

“Will you marry me Natasha?”

You asked with a smile on your face. The team joe had their full attention on the both of you, smiled tugging at their lips aswell. Although your smile had started to die once she hadn’t spoken or did anything in 10 seconds. You tilted your head a little in question.

“Y/N.. no. I can’t.”

And she lifted herself up from the chair and simply brushed past you. The click of her heels had started to fade away and you began to feel... upset, like a fool. The team had watched her walk away and they turned back to you with sorrow looks on their face as they saw you still kneeling on the floor with no one in front of you.

“Well then..”

You whispered to yourself. You got up from the floor and sat down on the couch slowly, a million questions running through your mind. You had your head in your hand now. The ring was forgotten on the table, still closed now. Tony made his way over to you and sat down, he tucked his left hand under his jacket not wanting to show you his wedding ring as he knew that would pain you even more. He gently rubbed your back and whilst you had your eyes covered by tears and your hands, Steve took away the box and stuck it in his pocket. They didn’t do anything or say anything, all they could do was watch you. Wanda could hear your mind and heart breaking that made her frown. She could also hear the teams hearts breaking. You just decided to give the team a small smile, hiding your head as you made your way to your shared room. You opened it, not so surprised to see it empty, without her. Where you now single? What happens now? In hopes, you made your way to her old room and as soon as you reached it you knocked gently on the door.

“Natasha? Nat? Can we talk? Honey?”

She could hear your muffled pleads from outside the door, knowing you were leaning against it. But she decided to block it out and instead get undressed. Taking out her earrings that you had given to her for your 2 year anniversary. You decided to leave her, perhaps she would think things over.

You went to bed later on and cried. Cried without a shoulder to cry on.

It was now morning and you had gotten about all together, 13 minutes of sleep. You got up. Your hair was a mess, you had a T-shirt on and some sweatpants and socks. The team decided not to discuss what happened last night with either of you and instead Clint had breakfast. You slowly sat down at the kitchen counter and slumped over in your chair. You ran a hand in your hair and sighed. Clint slide your plate that had pancakes on that were shaped into a smiley face. You smiled back at him, satisfying him as he smiled warmly and turned back round to the pan. You soon pushed it away from you. Bruce and the News on tv had drowned out the possible awkward silence and your kindness nowhere except for when she walked in. You stood up from your chair and you hadn’t noticed Steve protectively standing behind you.

“Morning Nat.. can I err, can we talk?”

She had she gone deaf? You called out her name once more but you just watched her fill her cup up with coffee. She then walked past Steve and had taken a seat on the sofa in front of tv. You cautiously took only 3 steps in the direction she was sitting in and you called her name for the 3rd time.

“What?”

She said in a harsh tone without even looking your way. She was obviously ignoring you and it seemed like you got to her that much she eventually decided to answer you to get you to shut up.

“Can we talk?”

You said and your tone was a little more quieter.

“Nah.”

Nah. You hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast but suddenly you had energy. You nodded your head doing your best to not show your weakened face, even though she wasn’t looking at you. You made your way to the training room. They all couldn’t believe how she was acting. Like nothing had happened, like there wasn’t such a thing called a 2 year relationship between Y/N and Natasha. They had kept their mouths shut as they knew not to anger or disturb the Black Widow. Maybe Clint would try later, but not now.

2 hours you’d been in the training room. You had to re-wrap your knuckles another 2 times as you had gone that hard on the training back, the wrapping had dissolved away. Steve had been watching you long enough to know that you weren’t in the mind of you. He brought you in a sandwich he’d made and a bottle of water. He left it on the bench for you as he watched you once more with a sad frown before leaving you alone. After needing to wrap your knuckles for a third time, although it wasn’t doing to much to help as your knuckle skin was already broken. You grabbed the water, completely oblivious to the sandwiches.

It was later on now, getting to 11 o’clock at night and the team had done everything to drag you to bed but you locked the doors. Jarvis had then threatened to turn off the lights and he did, but you trained in the dark, only focused on the bag in front of you. Jarvis then talked literally into your ears until you were forced to leave. Your head and hair was drilling with sweat and you made your way up to Natashas floor. You needed a quick breather as you leaned your body against the corridor wall, taking some breathes before you weakly knocked on her door, arms hurting and knuckles bruised. You had knocked twice more and no answer.

So you made your way to what would now be your second room only the find half of it empty. Natasha had taken things from her bedside table, clothes from the wardrobe, her jewellery, make up, phone charger. Nearly everything. But she did an excellent job of leaving the pair of earrings you’d bought her. They were the same ones she was wearing the night you proposed to her. They were just sitting in the bed. But what hurt most was that the Polaroid of you and her was still on her bedside table, knocked over. She hadn’t taken it, probably not even acknowledged it. You were just still. Your face turned from a sad one to a neutral one and you grabbed a clean jacket and headed down to the ‘Mission Room’.

Bucky had to pull out of a mission because he had special plans with Steve and so you hoped that mission was still available as you’d take off in 10 minutes. And luckily it was. So off you went.

The night you decided to leave for the mission, had worried everybody. They were worried sick thinking you might’ve left or been kidnapped. Until Wanda had the gran idea of checking the mission file and sighs of relief had spread throughout the room seeing as you had checked out i the compound for the mission. Except for Natasha. She hadn’t even known that you were missing. At this point she literally blocked you from her mind.

It was about 2 months on now. You’d lost about 30 pounds. Your gym sessions were daily and lasted throughout the day. Every night you knocked on her door, got no answer. Then you would cry for about an hour and hate yourself for being so stupid and so unloveable. Throughout those months, the team had found that their mission had been completed, and that could’ve been 3 or 4 a day, adding up to a total of 30 missions a week. Your weight loss hadn’t gone unnoticed by the team. In fact, they tried to take you to Bruce’s lab and force feed you. Then tried taking you to a therapist, but you told them you’d eat if they let you go. You smiled every time but Steve could see right through it. They all could see your bloodshot eyes, bags under your eyes, bruised knuckles, clothes getting ridiculously big on you. So big, you had to have a new suit made for combat.

Wanda cried to Vision every night as your thoughts were too loud. She was crying because you were the opposite. You weren’t unloveable. You weren’t a fool. You weren’t a failure. But you were right about one thing. You were broken and slowly dying inside. Wanda was just lucky it was only her mind she could read and not your organs. You only ate every 4 days and that was maybe a cracker or two. The rest water, training, maybe sleeping. Clint provides you with many hugs and Tony would watch you whilst you were sleeping. He knew you weren’t you because as soon as you heard the door handle you used to sit up right away. Now you slept right though him stroking his hand through your hair. Steve was always protective and close to you as you just had a great and trustworthy connection with him. Natasha didn’t bother with you. You even sat down next to Natasha once when she was eating and she continued to take bites of her food and scrolled through her phone. Each night you’d find yourself sleeping in later, drinking more, losing more weight every day. Then it was team training day. Doctor Cho always stood on standby if anything serious happened. You were on the treadmill as usual but this time you just had to come off it earlier then usual. You tried walking around to get rid of the jelly legs and you tried to grab your water, but all you could see was 3 of everything. Bucky and Doctor Cho were studying you from a far and Thor had started to come over to you as he spotted your ghostly face and sweet beads a mile away. But you doubled over from a pounding headache and all Thor could see was what looked like your eyes shutting as you fell over on your side, body going limp. And everyone heard the thud on the hard floor as even Natasha turned her attention towards it. Thor had started shouting for Doctor Cho and the doctor called for medical assistant. Tony ran over and picked your head up from the floor and he placed it on his bent knees from sitting in the floor with you. He turned your head to the right so you were breathing properly and Natasha saw you. She froze. She actually froze. She was at first focused on your face, your cheekbones had stuck out, your eyelids looked raw red and the bags under your once beautiful eyes had turned purple, going darker and that horrible pale colour that washed over your face. Her eyes were then draw to how thin you were, and she saw him loose the t shirt you wore was, and then sweatpants were the same only baggier. They had to force you to sit up as you were still unconscious and she gasped when she saw your spine sticking through the t shirt and the distinct lines that represented your ribs. She placed a hand over her mouth and everything stopped. She realised what she’d done. How she’d broken you. How she abandoned you. How she left you alone to question if you weren’t good enough. She was then distracted by the team of doctors, 2 with a stretcher, that swarmed around and gently lifted you onto the moving bed. You now had an oxygen tank by your side and a mask on your face. Helen wanted to get an iv drip into you as soon as possible which is why you were rushed off so quick. All she could do was watch and the only part of her that could move were her eyes, desperately trying to see your face if your eyes were open yet.

Steve had stopped and looked at her watching before he quite rough ty shoved the velvet box into her hands. She didn’t dare open it. She just sat down on the training floor. Her thoughts were torn away from you as Clint practically stormed in to find her. His breath was rapid and his eyes were glossy. He stood above her with his hands on his hips.

“Do you know what you’ve done to her? Her organs are failing because of you! She thinks she’s unloveable, unwanted, a failure! Because. Of. You!”

He yelled at her. She could just watch him rant as she didn’t realise that tears were filling up her eyes and she didn’t know that a few slipped out. He soon softened and he sighed before having nothing left to say but he did look sympathetic towards her. He soon left her to return back to you.

As he returned to the room where the Avengers where he took a seat. You had multiple wires and lifelines hooked up to you. You had to have 2 more blankets placed over you as your body temperature was dropping. Thor sadly placed his cape over you. Steve was looking down, Wanda was trying to read your mind, Vision had his arm around her, Bruce was constantly checking your decreasing vitals. Tony was crying silently, the evidence staining his beard. And he was looking at your hand, wanting to hold it. Bucky looked at your face, then your finger and thinking how if she wasn’t so cold to you, within a year you could’ve been wearing a ring there aswell. To Bucky you looked like him when he was caged up which is why he had to leave the room, maybe to go and spend some time in your room. Heading out the door he bumped into Natasha who seemed frantic to get in there. He stopped to say something but she barged past until she saw your figure lying there.

Clint nodded to the rest of the gang for them all to clear out as she couldn’t take her eyes off of you. It could’ve been the disruption, it could’ve been the loud footsteps, noises of the chairs scraping but whatever it was, stopped your heart. Everyone’s heads turned to you and Natasha practically screamed for a nurse.

Tony was immediately by your side holding it as Thor was trying to pull him away as he was getting upset himself.

Helen and nurses came rushing in as they started to work on your body. Natasha refuses to leave and so she was allowed by your side. She did what she had to do and took out the velvet box, looked at the beautiful shining ring and placed it on her finger.

“Y/N. Y/N look. Open your eyes your ring is on my finger. Y/N I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry please!”

Helen had now started manual resuscitation as the team outside weren’t doing a good job of holding it together. Natasha had started to sob as suddenly there was a faint beep on the machine. And another. Another. You were back. She had dropped her head in relief and she begged you to open your eyes, much like you had begged her to open the door. They all heard a groan from you and Natasha lifted up her head and the Avengers were all crammed next to each other looking in through the window. Your eyes were slowly opening and you turned your head to see a green eyed beauty crying. She took a look at you and dropped her head down again in shame.

But that shame was replaced with hope as she felt a light squeeze in her hand that was yours. She grabbed yours with both hands. You couldn’t really talk with the mask over your nose and mouth and your mouth being extremely dry. So you used your other hand to point to it. All she could do was nod her head.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, I don’t know why I refused you and.. and put my walls up when I’m this vulnerable around you. Please.. please don’t leave me.”

You gave her a slight nod from your head and a tired smile and she knew what that was. She dried her tears but was still sniffling and now smiling. And then you turned your head to see a bunch of Avengers smiling back at you, some sounds of ‘awes’ coming from them.

@natasha-danvers @imnotasuperhero @aaron-despair @confusinggemini612 @thewidowsghost @ecruzsalaz @fcbarcelona-and-marvel-4-life @gaytrashgoblin @capmarvelq @nat-romanoffdanvers @lesbian-x-blackwidow @emilyprentisswife @captain-josslett @oblivious-horny-lesbian @trikruismybitch @summergeezburr @username23345

[thinkyoureholy]

Oceandust [1]

[a/n: ya girl is back at it again with a new series]

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.

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Pairing : Kim Hongjoong / [fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Pirate! AU

Words : 2.6k

Pt 1. Pt 2.

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

-Y/N’s  P.O.V-

I grinned as I raced down the narrow alleys of the small town, hearing the shouts of the merchant behind me. I knew he wouldn’t follow me for long, they always gave up within a few seconds, worried about leaving their merchandise unattended for too long. I mean, I'd pick losing one piece of jewelry over the whole damn cart. He was smart to not follow me for long, but not smart enough because I did steal from him pretty easily. I chuckled at the thought, slowing down to a jog then to a walk. 

I looked down at the gold plated bracelet in my hand, throwing it up in the air before catching it, my eyes shining brightly at the thought of the money I could get for this. I'd be able to buy Yuki a present for her birthday. Oh! And Alex can get some new shoes, God knows he needs them. And I can buy Dom a new hat and Yuri a- my thoughts were cut short as I bumped into a sturdy back, the person I walked into cutting their own conversation off.

"Watch it." The man spat out, turning on his heel to face me, a sheer mask covering his mouth and nose.

I scoffed softly to myself, uttering a half hearted apology under my breath. I gave him a once over, smirking to myself at the idea I just had. I walked around him, careful to keep my head down as I swiped him of the pocket watch he had. I mean he was practically begging for me to take it, the chain was hanging precariously out of his pocket, I'd be a fool not to take it. I was admiring the watch as I made my way back home when that same man suddenly appeared in front of me, this time pointing a gun to my head.

"Don't think I'm stupid enough not to know when I've been pick pocketed." He snarled, looking angrier than I've ever seen anyone look, "Give me back my damn pocket watch and I'll let you go without a scratch."

I took a step back, hiding the watch behind my back, "I don't have your watch."

He chuckled lowly, the look in his eyes only seemed to grow more intense, "Don't play the fool now, little lady. I know your kind and you're crafty I'll admit," He paused, cocking his gun, the smile disappearing from his face, "Give it back while I'm still being nice about it."

I took another step back but froze the moment he moved the hand he was holding the gun with slightly to the right, firing off a warning shot and missing my head by a few inches. He closed his eyes for a moment, running his fingers through his hair before opening them, the look in his eyes somehow softer yet still firm.

"I'm in no mood to entertain you, girl. Hand over the watch and I'll let you go. If you refuse once more then I'll kill you here and I get my watch back anyway...and that bracelet you have in a death grip in your left hand as well.." He threatened, his hand extended, waiting for me to place the pocket watch in the palm of his hand.

I unconsciously moved my left hand behind my back, staring at him for a second longer before placing the pocket watch in his hand. I forced a smile on my face, chuckling softly.

"Ah...I was just trying to mess with you a little, sorry about that. I'll be on my way now, have a lovely day." I hurriedly said in the sweetest voice I could muster.

As soon as I placed the watch in the palm I turned on my heel, walking away from him quickly. But I didn’t get very far, the sound of his voice made me freeze mid-step.

“A little piece of advice little lady...try not to be so obvious when pick pocketing someone. The moment you looked down at the pocket of my jacket I had you figured out. I suggest you search someone with your eyes a for few moments before you bump into them.” He said, his calm and somewhat condescending tone making me clench my hands into fists.

I turned back around to give him a piece of my mind but I was surprised to see that he had already disappeared. I looked around to see where he went but he was nowhere in sight. I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding, shaking my head slightly, staring out into the empty alley for a moment. Weird.

…...

“Y/N!” 

I grinned at the sound of her voice, crouching down and catching her, timing it perfectly with her jump, “Kiki! Did you behave yourself while I was out?”

I watched the smile on her face fall the slightest bit but she recovered just as quickly, nodding her head vigorously. I gave her a skeptical look, glancing over at Yuri standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Honestly with how she normally is I’d say Yuki behaved herself pretty well today.”

Yuki nodded her head along with everything Yuri was saying, looking mighty proud of herself, a smug smile on her face. I chuckled, pinching her cheek. She whined and pulled away, squirming in my hold until I put her down. Once I put her down I placed my hands on her shoulders, kneeling down in front of her so we were eye level with each other.

“I got you a little something for your birthday.” I told her with a grin, watching her squeal in delight.

I reached into my bag and pulled out a doll she had been begging me to buy her for the past few months. Her toys and dolls were always made out of rags, or they were so used they could barely even be called toys. The look in her eyes the moment she saw the brand new doll was worth the money it took to get it. She grinned so widely and yelled out the happiest 'thank you' I had ever heard before running off to play with her new doll. I watched her leave before calling out for Alex and Dom, the twins running over to me at the sound of their names. I pulled out some new shoes for Alex and pulled Dom’s hat off of his head, replacing it with the new one I just bought. The two of them bounced happily on the balls of their feet at their presents. I watched as the three talked amongst themselves and showed off their presents.

“You spoil them too much.” Yuri said, coming over to stand next to me, his eyes on the little ones.

“And I’ll continue to spoil them rotten until the day I die.” I replied with a fond smile playing at my lips, “Don’t think I forgot about you.”

I reached into my bag and pulled out the new pair of pants I had bought him. I felt sorry that he had to wear the same worn out pants to school everyday. I worried that the others would tease him for the holes in his pants. Yuri on the other hand didn’t think he needed them, pushing my hand away from him.

“You should’ve bought something else with the money you used on those pants.”

I grinned, grabbing his hand and put the pair of pants in the palm of his hand, “They don’t give refunds so just take it...besides I’m tired of sending you off to school with pants that have holes all over them.”

He sighed, offering no argument over the pants, but instead brought up one I had shot down over and over, “About school...I was thinking I could drop out and-”

“No.” I cut him off in a firm voice, heading into the kitchen and pulled out the food I had bought on the way over here.

“But I can help you out more! I could sell the milk Dee makes or we can turn it into butter or cheese! Y/N please I see you struggling and I just want to help.” He practically pleaded with me, hoping I’d finally change my mind but this was something I wouldn’t budge on.

“My answer is no and it will continue to be no. This is not a discussion, now help me make dinner or go and entertain the little ones.” I declared, not even sparing him a glance.

He stayed where he was for a moment before he let out a huff of annoyance, stomping out of the kitchen. I sighed heavily, leaning against the counter with closed eyes. Yuri was smart...he should at least finish school. He doesn’t need to work, he’s only fifteen. The money I get is enough to get us through the day. He doesn’t need to worry about anything...all he needs to do is focus on his studies...I’ll take care of the rest.

With that thought in mind I got to work on making dinner. All I could do was make them food before leaving once more to go work at the pub by the docks. I hardly made any money there so I had to resort to stealing but even though I didn’t get paid much I couldn’t really afford to quit. I stole yes, but not enough times to get caught...just when we were really desperate and recently...it’s been more often than not.

-

I hurried around the pub, picking up the empty glasses and replacing them with full ones. I shouted along with the customers every time they made a toast, the bartender and other waitress joining as well. I grinned as I looked around, seeing everyone in high spirits. I chuckled at something I heard from a customer as I walked back to the bar. Before I could get back out onto the floor the bartender, Eunwoo, reached out to grab hold of my wrist gently.

“New customer in the corner, go get his order for me will ya? Rie is too busy to make it over there.”

I nodded at his words, looking over to where he had said the customer was at. I couldn’t quite make out their face from where I was but I didn’t pay it any mind as I made my way over. As soon as I got close to them I put a smile on my face, asking them what they’d like to start off with. But as soon as they lifted their head my smile dropped. He smirked at me, looking me up and down.

“That uniform suits you, little lady.” 

I stayed glued to my spot as my eyes scanned his entire face. The last time I saw him he had a mask on, it was sheer but it was still a mask nonetheless. Now with the light in the pub I was able to make out his features...and as much as I hated to admit it, he sure was handsome. The grin he now wore did nothing to mask the dangerous glint he had in his eyes. I didn’t notice this before but he had a slit in his right brow, his multiple earrings shining in the light. I gulped at the look in his eye, involuntarily taking a step back, the smile on his face falling at the action.

“Relax. I’m not going to threaten you here...unless you try and steal from me again that is.” He said with a wave of his hand, leaning back in his chair, “What would you recommend?”

I gawked at him for a moment longer, recollecting myself with a shake of my head, “Um rum? I heard it’s good…”

He cocked a brow at my words, tilting his head to the side, “You’ve heard?”

“I...I’m not much of a drinker.”

“But you work at a pub.”

“It doesn’t mean I have to be an alcoholic.” I shot back, watching the amusement fill his eyes.

He chuckled softly, nodding to himself, “You got a point there. Fine, I’ll take that rum on the rocks.”

“Dark or light?”

He leaned forward, that grin back on his face, “Give me the darkest one you have, little lady.”

I nodded and turned on my heel, going over to tell Eunwoo what he ordered. I looked around, seeing if anyone needed a refill but to my surprise everyone seemed to be doing okay with their drinks so I waited on his drink. Eunwoo had it ready in no time at all. With his drink in hand I headed back over to where he was sitting, setting the glass down in front of him. Without a word I went to go back and see what else I could do but the sound of his voice stopped me from going more than a few steps.

“If you’ve got a job why do you go around stealing from people?”

The color drained from my face at the question, my eyes darting around the pub to see if anyone heard him. They all seemed to be busy talking amongst themselves. I let out a sigh of relief, turning back around to face him and took a few steps closer to him so I could speak in a low voice, diminishing the risk of having someone overhear me.

“Look, what I do or don’t do is none of your business so I’d appreciate it if you didn't bring it up ever again.” I threatened, hoping he’d drop it.

I mean I barely even know the guy, I just met him today and not under the best circumstances either. Why he’s bringing any of that up is beyond me. I had hoped he would at the very least not want to continue conversing with me but he smirked instead, a soft chuckle falling from his lips.

“Oh ho...I see you can be threatening as well...and here I was thinking you were just another pretty face. I’ve been pleasantly surprised…” He muttered, leaning in closer

I didn’t move an inch, knowing he was probably trying to intimidate me. And by the way his smirk grew into a grin I knew I did exactly what he wanted me to do instead.

“What’s your name, little lady?” He asked, his voice dripping with something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

“What’s yours?” I shot back, smirking at the way his eyes widened the slightest bit before he chuckled for the third time in the span of five minutes.

“Hongjoong. I don’t think you’re interested in last names so I’ll just keep it at that. Now that I gave you my name it’s customary to give one in return.” He said with a teasing smile, leaning back in his chair, taking a sip of his drink.

I looked at him skeptically, thinking if I should just give him a fake name. He could’ve given me a fake name so it wouldn’t hurt to give him one in return. But the longer I looked into his eyes the more honesty in them shone through. I mean what harm could it do really? I sighed heavily, relaxing my shoulders for the first time since I met him.

“Y/N.”

The teasing smile turned into a genuine looking smile, the look in his eyes softened, “Y/N, a pretty name for a pretty lady. Finally, a name to put to the face,” He mumbled under his breath.

I gave him a quizzical look but he offered no further explanation. I shrugged to myself, looking over my shoulder around to see if there were any glasses that needed to be refilled. I excused myself from Hongjoong, unaware of his lingering gaze.

[infiniteshawn]

Golden

a/n: 4k of meeting Steve Rogers fluff. Yes, I am writing for Steve Rogers. No, I never thought I would. Yes, this is the first thing I’ve written in months. No, it is not very good. Enjoy nonetheless.

The street was quiet. Dark, almost, save for the glow of your halogen headlights. You took a breath and tapped your forehead on your thin, massive steering wheel, mentally collecting yourself for the social situation you were seconds from entering.

Elizabeth Andrews, a family-friend that you’d known since you were only seven, was getting married. 

You lived an hour away and had to work later than usual at the restaurant, so naturally, the street was already filled with the parked cars of the guests that had actually arrived to the engagement party on time. A sigh left your lips.

You swung open the heavy door of your ’65 Mustang to twist in your seat and slip your heels on. Huffing a laugh to yourself, you were sure you’d be kicking them off after taking twenty steps to the front door. 

You couldn’t help it. You’d always found these social events too formal and too busy and too emotionally taxing to bear, and if Liz wasn’t someone you’d known so long, you’d be curled up on your hand-me-down couch with a glass of red wine to watch endless reruns of Full House. Instead, you were constricted by a black cocktail dress and a bit too much makeup.

With a bottle of wine in one hand and an envelope of cash in the other, you knocked.

And of course, no one answered. You could hear the stereo blasting Roxy Music from the front step and for a second, you thought that this might not be so bad.

You reached to turn the brass knob to notice it was already being turned, and the crisp April air was subsided by indoor warmth as the front door swung open by itself.

It didn’t really open itself. It was opened by a very large, very handsome man you’d never met and at first, he didn’t say anything. Either did you.

Instead, your eyes travelled from his dark brown dress shoes up his long, navy-slack clad legs, over his broad middle, and landed on a pair of beautiful blue eyes.

The moment must have ended because he was stepping to the side and saying something to you, and all you could focus on was his smooth, honey-like voice. He must have told you to come inside, but it really didn’t matter because he seemed to be experiencing the same lack of words that you were. The two of you must have looked ridiculous. 

His eyes left yours as someone in another room called, “Steve!” and he seemed to come to his senses.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, “I’ve gotta get back in there,” he spoke with a playful grin, “drinking game.”

“Ah,” you said, forcing a giggle and nodding, your false amusement failing to fool him.

“You know people here, though?” he asked, suddenly serious and earning a raised brow from you, “I mean, I just don’t want to leave you here if you don’t know anyone. You’re good?”

“Oh,” you grinned, “yeah, yeah. I’m good. I’ll see you in there.”

“You better,” he smiled warmly before walking away, and you knew he was just being kind as opposed to suggestive. He actually seemed more polite than the guys you were used to meeting at social gatherings like this.

“Finally!” a voice greeted you as you snapped out of it, meeting the chocolate brown eyes of a woman you knew all too well.

“Liz!” you grinned, pulling her in for a hug, “sorry, I had work and then the drive, it’s always too long,” you reassured, handing her the envelope and wine bottle you’d been gripping for a few minutes. “Hey, you’ve met James, right?” she spoke, waving a handsome brunette over to the two of you.

“Yeah, at your birthday last year,” you smiled politely, pulling him in for a hug.

“Bucky!” someone called and James turned his head, and you remembered something Liz had mentioned to you a couple of months back: his friends were literally the Avengers.

You’d never met any of them, but you did have a deep, suppressed memory of researching the lot after Liz had muttered something about James and the Second World War and Captain America. You turned your head to get a glimpse into the living room, and were shocked to see many people you knew, and a few you didn’t. Steve—the one who’d answered the door and the one you now realized was Captain America—stood among the group, throwing his hands up in surrender and then took a swig of his beer. You wondered what he’d just confessed to.

* * * * *

You mingled. It was nice. You caught up with many people you weren’t recently in touch with and got to know many others you’d never met, and Steve somehow became a large part of it. He stuck by you toward the end of your rounds, and for a little while it was just you two. He asked about your degree and career plans, and you asked about his job but refrained from digging too deeply—his old-fashioned tendencies told you enough. 

You found it charming, actually. He had called you ‘ma’am’ a few times and turned a deeper shade of pink soon thereafter, but you couldn’t help finding it endearing and innocent. You’d even reached out to grab his arm a few times, but not too many. There was something between the two of you, and neither of you could accurately put your finger on it. So you didn’t try.

“You need another drink,” Steve said, swinging the fridge open and retrieving two Stellas, “I didn’t-“ he started, “I didn’t mean you need another drink, I was just getting one, so I figured maybe you wanted one, I-“

“Steve,” you chuckled, stepping closer to him to take the bottle from his hand, “you’re all good, I wanted one.”

He smiled, relieved, but you felt for him. He was trying, you thought, and it seemed as if he really didn’t want to say the wrong thing or give you the wrong idea. A tortured gentleman.

* * * * *

“And it just started pouring rain,” Liz spoke animatedly, a little huddle having gathered around her in the living room as she explained how she met James, “and this guy who’d also missed his train asked me if I wanted to dance.”

You couldn’t help the smile creeping up your lips. You remembered this story—she’d only told it a million times—but it never got old.

“I just knew, that was it,” she finished. Everyone was looking at her, but Steve was looking at you.

You raised a brow at him, and he realized he’d been caught. A bashful grin crept up his cheeks and you didn’t even think, saying exactly what was on your mind.

“I’ve never danced in the rain.”

His gaze was a little more concentrated, now, but still warm.

“I’d recommend it,” he replied, and you couldn’t help the small tinge of jealousy tugging at your heart strings. Steve must have sensed it, because something told him to reach down and give your hand a squeeze. You squeezed back. 

* * * * *

The party was dying out, but you hadn’t really noticed. Steve’s humour had kept you busy all night, and you found yourself wondering why you’d always hated gatherings like this when people like him existed.

Steve had been thinking about what you said earlier, and after much mental deliberation, he shot his Asgardian friend a look.

Your laugh was interrupted by a low rumble.

“Oh, fuck,” you said under your breath, attracting the attention of Steve and a few other members of his posse. He raised a brow.

“Sorry,” you spoke, placing your beer on the table as you stood, “I just realized I need to cover my car.”

You walked away briskly, calling something along the lines of “be right back!” as Steve followed suit, also breaking from the group.

“I can help you,” he offered and you ignored him, too worried about water worsening any rust on your factory paint. Not bothering to locate your jacket and thankful you hadn’t taken your shoes off, you flew out the door, Steve hot on your heels. You looked back and squinted your eyes at him with a smile, questioningly, but sweetly.

“It’ll be faster with two peop-“ he began, but interrupted himself, “shit. Didn’t peg you for a muscle car kind of gal.”

“Oh, yeah,” you shrugged but grinned slyly, proud of the classic car you’d managed to maintain for the last couple of years. “My dad bought it in ’95, I grew up with it,” you spoke, popping open the trunk to retrieve the fitted fabric, “it kind of died when I was seventeen, and my dad didn’t bother. Sat for a while,” you explained, and Steve watched intently as you began to unfold the blanket-like tarp, “and I begged my dad not to sell it. Told me if I could fix it, I could have it. So she’s mine now.”

“Cool dad,” Steve chuckled, reaching for the opposite side of the cover as you hooked it under the front left corner, “was it a lot of work?”

“Not really,” you replied, “brakes, battery, new plugs. It was pretty light work, if I’m being honest.”

Steve looked impressed, smoothing out the last of the cover for good measure.

It seemed that the second your Mustang was protected to your standards, the rain began.

And it wasn’t just rain. 

It was fucking pouring. 

“Great,” you muttered under your breath, ready to make a run for it, but Steve wasn’t budging. He didn’t give you time to ask questions.

“You said you’ve never danced in the rain,” he called, the falling water droplets drowning out his voice.

You grinned slightly, suppressing a giggle as rainwater dripped from his hair onto his face, trailing down the tip of his nose. You wanted to kiss it. 

He took a step closer, arms stretched out a little, bringing your attention to the situation. You’d already caught on. 

“I haven’t,” you spoke with a smile, your dress clinging to your legs as you took a step toward the super soldier. His dress shirt was stuck to his torso and you had to fight the pressing urge to look. You focused on the water dripping off of his long lashes instead.

“Well, then, I’ve gotta ask,” he spoke smoothly, tilting his head to the side as he held a hand out, “can I have this dance?”

There was no music save for the fuzzy melody of endless rain hitting the pavement as he pulled you close, one hand intertwined with yours and the other on your waist. If you weren’t so cold, you’d have blushed.

His box-step was well-rehearsed, and you wondered if he did this often and then remembered that he’s just, well, old. Steve was impressed with yours, and you didn’t mention that your dad had taught you to dance by standing on his toes in the living room to “Surfer Girl” by The Beach Boys when you were four.

Your head was nestled into Steve’s firm shoulder, and you snapped away in fear of getting makeup on his white shirt. 

“You alright?” he asked in response to your quick movement, moving his hand from your waist to his side to capture yours. He moved it to his chest.

“Yeah, sorry,” you smiled up at him, appreciating the way his eyes remained an icy blue even in the dim lighting of the few street lamps, “just wanted to look at you,” you half-fibbed. It wasn’t why you moved, but it also wasn’t wrong.

Steve tossed his head back for a second, mouth falling open with a wide smile.

“Smooth,” he chuckled, but he held you a little tighter. He swayed with you, soon lifting his arm and indicating for you to do a twirl. The ends of your sopping hair spewed droplets of water as you rotated.

He pulled you back in, but the air was thick this time. His smile was tight-lipped yet he was beaming down at you, admiring the slope of your nose and the curve of your lips and those big, beautiful eyes.

“Steve,” you whispered, loudly enough for him to hear. He tilted his head, urging you to go on, “I’ve also never been kissed in the rain.”

He squeezed your hand and spoke, more gently than before, “Would you like to be kissed in the rain?”

“I’d like to be kissed in the rain by you.”

That was all he needed. Steve leaned in, pointy nose brushing yours gently before his lips molded to yours, applying the gentlest pressure in the warmest way. Your hands were freezing but your soul was on fire, heart going a thousand beats per minute and mind running even faster. The rain engulfing the two of you kept you separated from the world, creating a moment in which there was only you and Steve. You didn’t want to be anywhere else.

His hands left yours and travelled up your sides, settling on each of your cheeks, fingertips reaching into your hair. Yours had found his chest and there was no turning back as you slid your palms upward, finding his neck and pulling him into you and kissing him harder.

Steve broke it.

“Slow down there, partner,” he grinned, and you laughed against his lips.

“Partner?”

“Sorry,” he laughed, too, “I guess you can tell that I don’t do this often.”

You couldn’t tell, but it did make sense. He led an unusual life.

His forehead rested on yours as water dripped down both of your noses. You shivered.

“Yep,” he concluded with a sigh, breaking apart fro your frame, “it’s cold. Shall we go back in?”

It was playful but formal, and he held his arm out for you to link yours with. You held onto your dance partner, trailing slightly behind him as he hopped up the steps and pushed the front door open, pulling you inside to assist in soaking the welcome mat.

“Hey, Buck?” Steve called, but quickly lost himself to laughter, “we have a bit of a, a situation.”

James popped his head around the corner with a furrowed brow, changing his expression to that of surprise as he laid eyes on the two of you, absolutely drenched.

“What the hell?”

Steve stuttered, his gaze moving from his best friend to yours, unsure of how he was going to explain himself.

“Caught in the rain,” you grinned, eyes locked on Steve’s as you replied to James’s question. 

“I-uh, okay,” he shook his head, hands raised in surrender as a silent declaration not to ask questions, “Liz is in the kitchen cleaning up, and you have about ten seconds to get upstairs and avoid interrogation. Try not to drip too much.”

You were shocked at the lack of consequences, but Steve knew that Bucky had been attempting to set you up as long as he’d known you--as long as he’d known you were perfect for Steve.

You each kicked off your shoes for a silent exit, nodded at each other with an uneasy giggle, and made a run for it. Steve seemed to have a destination in mind, so you followed, hot on his heels until he was pulling you into the guest room and pushing the door shut.

All it took was a raise of your brow and Steve was already defending himself, insisting that this was not what it looked like.

“Not what you think, I promise,” he pressed kindly, opening up the closet to retrieve two stark-white towels. He tossed one in your direction and you began patting down your hair. You watched as Steve moved a duffle bag from the dresser to the edge of the bed, unzipped it and began to rifle through its belongings, “I’m staying here tonight and I packed two t-shirts,” he began, “you’re welcome to borrow one because I don’t think you’re driving home in this weather with that car.”

“I’m sure I can just borrow something of Liz’s,” you spoke, eyes set on his hands as he re-folded the grey Camp Lehigh t-shirt he’d offered.

“Yeah, that makes more sense, yeah,” he muttered, more to himself than to you, fearing that he was being too forward or not forward enough or just flat-out weird. You noticed his insecurity.

“Actually,” you piped up, placing the towel down on the opposite side of the mattress, “I will take it. Thank you.”

Steve looked up with the slightest smile, handing you the shirt and lingering, just for a second. His eyes travelled downward.

“Sorry! Um, I, I can turn around, if you wanted to, to put that on, now,” he blurted, and you couldn’t help but giggle at his innocence. 

“Sure, Steve,” you grinned in response, gaze momentarily fixed on his wet dress shirt stuck to his muscular back. You reached around for your zipper, but the wet fabric didn’t allow for much flexibility and forced a frustrated sigh from your lips.

“Okay?” Steve asked, eyes set on the wall as he listened to your strained breathing.

“Yep,” you tried one last time, giving up after an exaggerated effort. “Nope, actually, I can’t get this zipper down for the life of me.”

“Need help?” he chuckled, turning around before you could answer. He crossed the room, grinning down at you before you turned around and lifted your wet hair out of the way.

Steve’s fingers hovered over the nape of your neck before he took hold of the tiny zipper, taking his time sliding it down the track. He tried not to look at your newly-exposed skin, really trying not to think about what he could see of your lacy black bra, and didn’t let go until you huffed a quiet “thanks.”

Steve gulped as you turned around, tilting your head upward in hopes that he’d kiss you again. He got the message, eventually, because he seemed to take forever to meet your lips. Your noses brushed and his hands were peeling the damp dress from your shoulders when a sudden knock at the door caused both of you to jump.

“We’re going to bed, Steve,” James called from the other side of the door, a sigh of relief leaving Steve’s lips.

“Alright,” he called back, thankful that Bucky wasn’t asking any questions—yet. “Night, Buck.”

Steve was the one shivering, now, and without thinking, your hands quickly travelled to the top button of his dress shirt. His chest rose and fell as you worked your way down one, two, three, four, finally asking, “is this okay?”

He nodded, a distant smirk on his lips as his forehead fell to yours once again.

His shirt was open and you hesitated to touch his skin. 

“It’s okay,” he spoke hoarsely, “I’m not gonna be able to peel it off by myself, anyway.”

He was cold but his skin was fire against your touch as you opened the thin, white garment, tugging it off his broad shoulders. A light dusting of hair coated his hard chest, and even soaking wet, he smelled like mint and honey.

The fabric fell to the floor at his feet and still, he hadn’t kissed you, worried it would escalate into something too much too quickly.

“Steve,” you started, your hands falling from his chest to your sides, “we probably shouldn’t-“

“You’re right,” he agreed, moving his head to the side to plant a kiss on your rosy cheek, “not the right time. I will, however, spare you the second-hand embarrassment of watching me kick wet pants off,” he chuckled, breaking away from you to sling his bag over his shoulder, “I’ll be right back,” he spoke, leaving the room quietly to change elsewhere.

You put on his dress of a t-shirt and attempted to comb through your hair with your fingers as you sat against the headboard, unsure of what was to come upon Steve’s return. 

He clearly didn’t know either, because the way he gently pushed the door open and looked at you with such affection and uncertainty had your heart bursting with the urge to hold him. He wore blue plaid pyjama bottoms and a white t-shirt, and of course, his socks were fuzzy.

“Nice socks, Captain,” you noted, and his cheeks flushed at the sound of that name on your lips. 

“Very funny,” he grinned, planting himself in the space beside you and laying on his side. You looked down at him, wondering if you should shift to tuck yourself into his chest or continue admiring him, so relaxed and vulnerable and raw.

“You gonna get over here or stare at me all night?”

You rolled your eyes but gave in, tucking yourself under the covers and curling up beside him. 

“Oh, we’re doing that,” he joked, shifting to tuck himself under the duvet, too. “You look pretty.”

“I look insane,” you responded quickly, positive that what was left of your makeup was a mess and your hair was frizzed to the max. “You, on the other hand,” you trailed off, reaching out to drag your fingertip across his jaw, settling on his chin before you brushed his lip with your thumb.

“Hm?” he hummed, eyes shutting for a second as his arm locked around your side, pulling your narrow frame flush against his own.

“Just didn’t think I’d end up here,” you spoke softly, and his ocean eyes fluttered open once again.

“I never thought Bucky would be getting married,” he quipped, “but I guess life’s full of surprises.”

There was silence for a moment, and then Steve broke it.

“Promise I’m gonna go sleep on the couch,” he muttered, eyes shut as he appreciated having your face nestled into his neck, “just resting my eyes.”

* * * * *

Everything was golden. The light streaming in through the white curtains, the feeling that came with the strong pair of arms wrapped around you, and the little flecks in the blue eyes that slowly opened to greet yours.

“Shit,” Steve muttered, realizing both of you had fallen asleep and morning had come. “M’sorry,” he spoke groggily, his hand navigating its way out of the blankets to run his fingers through his hair.

“It’s okay,” you spoke more cheerfully than he did, pressing your head against his shoulder once again and revelling in the feeling of his warm shins on your cold toes.

“No, really,” he continued, sounding worried, “I was going to leave, I really was, but you fell asleep and you were so peaceful and warm and I couldn’t let go, I tried,” he paused, “and now Bucky’s going to have a million questions and you’re gonna have to deal with all that and-“

“Steve,” you cut him off, lifting your head to meet his concerned gaze and hushing him, “remember last night? I told you I’ve never danced in the rain, and we danced? And then I said I’d never been kissed in the rain, and you kissed me?”

Steve blushed a little, but nodded nevertheless. 

“I don’t want to have to ask every time I want you to kiss me.”

His cheeks flushed more deeply this time, but you could tell he was happy when his lips formed a lazy grin and his grip on your lower back tightened.

“Good to know,” Steve smiled, pulling you into him for a soft, perfect kiss, and neither of you cared about the consequences.

It was just you and Steve, and it was golden.

[purplesurveys]

754

Does anyone know your bank pin number other than you? Who? I don’t even have one of those yet.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? I'm not sure. I know she's told me before about being diagnosed with depression, but I’ve forgotten if it’s mild or severe, or if she has the whole thing or is just showing symptoms of it. She only mentioned it in passing so I figured it wasn’t something she wanted to touch on further.

Would you be able to climb out your bedroom window to sneak out? Probably but I’d have to be really careful to not end up shattering my legs or any other part of my body haha, but knowing me I’d probably land badly. I live on the second floor but the house isn’t that high, so I think I could give it a shot.

What would you do if you found out the last person you called was pregnant/got someone pregnant? I’d be very confused because she’s very gay and also because she’s only been staying at home since March.

Can you taste the difference between brand name food and store brand food? I wouldn’t be able to relate since store brand’s not really a thing here. Only SM makes their own stuff but they’re purposely cheaper because they’re meant to be of lower quality to begin with. Other than that, we don’t really have a choice but buy brand name.

Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? Just the tampons, probably. I never need condoms so I have no reason to feel awkward buying them, and in fact I’ve volunteered to buy them for Angela whenever she feels shy haha; I definitely have no reason to be embarrassed buying pads because periods are a thing. I will likely feel most awkward getting tampons since I don’t know any one person who uses them where I live and it’ll most likely be seen as an unusual purchase since they’re quite uncommon.

If a stranger went in your room, would they be able to tell what gender you are from just looking at it? Probably. I have a poster of Nam Joo Hyuk, several Audrey Hepburn memorabilia, and a lot of pink stuff so it very much looks like a stereotypical girly room. I do think it’s kinda balanced out by the amount of WWE merch I own, but yeah otherwise my other stuff screams girly.

Are your parents gullible? When it comes to home stuff my mom is basically a witch; she can immediately tell if my dog peed somewhere, if I lost something, or if a dining chair isn’t positioned right. But when it comes to fake news on Facebook she will occasionally flock to them hahaha I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to remind her that phones DO NOT emit radiation from 12AM to 5AM and that it’s only a ploy to get people to sleep early lmfao. My dad is pretty intelligent and won’t be easily fooled about anything.

Do you still own a VCR? I know my parents owned one but I don’t know if they still brought it here when we moved 12 years ago or if they already threw it out.

About how much money have you spent on food in the past two weeks? :( Zero pesos. The only thing I’ve spent on this entire quarantine was a bottle of soju I asked my dad to buy and I paid him after.

If you were in a car accident would the last person you kissed care? Yes.

If you were looking for a new pair of shoes where would you go? UPTC since they have like ten shoe stores there.

How much was the last pair of shoes you bought? I haven’t had a new pair in like a year now, but the last one we bought cost arounddddd ₱4200, if I remember correctly.

What color is the computer/laptop you’re on? Did you buy it yourself? Gray. No, it was a gift from my parents.

Do you have a second home? I guess I count my childhood home my second home. My grandma and cousins remain in that house, so we visit from time to time and when we’re there I’ve noticed that I still retain the same tendencies and habits from when I still lived there.

Would you be surprised if you saw the last person you texted smoking? I’ll use the last person I chatted in this context since I haven’t texted in a hot minute, and that person would be Andrew. I’d be quite concerned since they’ve told me they’ve quit smoking, so there must be something extremely stressful going on for them to start smoking. I’d check up on them immediately.

Does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you? I do super hate the smell of beer even though I have no other choice but to drink it sometimes; I still find the smell of cigarettes disgusting although my contempt for them has lessened over the last few years seeing as a lot of people I know are smokers so I’ve been around that smell a lot, and also because I’ve started too. I’ve never been around weed and I don’t know how it smells.

Was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? Younger by a month.

Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? Not really? What I get most frequently is people thinking I was grumpy at first, but tbh I am pretty grumpy so they aren’t far off from the truth. With me it’s usually a what you see is what you get thing whether someone’s meeting me for the first or the 78th time.

Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Nope, not a thing here. I’ve always found the variety of cookies so fascinating though and I’ve always wanted to try the Thin Mints and Samoas since they’re what I hear about the most :(

Do you like waffles? They’re okay, though I only ever eat waffles with fried chicken and never just by themselves. I prefer pancakes.

Do you watch birthing videos on a day-to-day basis? Nah man wtf? I have no reason to be doing that lmao.

Do you find piercings/tattoos attractive? I don’t find either attractive. I get curious when I see tattoo because I wonder what the story behind it is and what it means to the person who has it, that’s all. As for piercings, I don’t really like them < Pretty much. Like I don’t go looking around for tattoos on a person to find them attractive; I just like hearing the histories behind them. Same with piercings, I don’t need them to be attracted to someone.

Would you talk to someone you don’t know on the internet? Only on social media that I’m already familiar with and comfortable in, like on this Tumblr, or Twitter, sometimes Facebook. I wouldn’t go to like Quora to ask something or join forums or even post anything on Reddit.

How often do you drink Monster? Never. Energy drinks scare me lol.

Have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends? I’ve made those for myself, but not with friends. I remember filming a house tour with my flip phone’s video camera back when I was like, 8 hahaha I was ahead of our time for sure.

Do you like to buy those Warped Tour compilations? I don’t even know those existed. I just knew of Warped Tour and that all the cool bands of the time would play there, but that’s it. I’m clueless about everything else that goes on in there.

Do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? You mean just a restaurant? Inside, for sure. I would never agree to eating outside and am always willing to wait a few extra minutes. I hate having to contend with passersby while I eat my food as I feel that it ruins the experience as well as the time I have with the person/s I’m eating with.

Do you own a nightgown? No but I had duster dresses that I’d wear to bed as a kid, if that counts lol.

Have you ever made a house out of a giant cardboard box? Probably not. My mom wouldn’t allow us to play with those and she’d immediately view them as trash that needs to be thrown out.

Have you ever made a tent out of sheets in your bedroom? No. I usually used the sheets as a cape or robe, then I’d pretend to be a queen.

Do your grandparents know how to operate a cell phone? My paternal grandparents do. My maternal grandfather used to regularly use a phone before he passed. My maternal grandmother refuses to learn :(

Have you ever had sex or something like it? Hahahaha ‘something like it.’ Yeah, I’ve had sex.

Have you ever read a George Orwell book? I tried reading 1984 when I was like 13 but didn’t understand it from the get-go. I haven’t continued it since but honestly I’m very open to revisiting it one of these days.

Have you ever worn fishnets? I don’t remember ever doing so. I feel like it’d be so uncomfortable; I hate wearing stockings as it is.

How many piercings and tattoos do you have? I only have my ears pierced and no tattoos < Sameeee.

Is someone in your family affected by Asperger’s? Nope.

In a hotel do you always nose through all the drawers and cupboards? Hahahahaha yeah, just out of curiosity. I’ve never seen anything interesting, but I keep trying.

Would you rather go out to eat or be eaten out? Be eaten out right now. I’ve had too much abstinence from sexual activity for my own liking lol < Ok it’s 1 in the afternoon but SAME lol

Do you always wear your seat belt? Honestly, no and it’s a shitty habit that I need to correct ASAP. I never notice that I’m not wearing them until it’s one of my parents riding with me and they scold me for driving out of the village without a seatbelt. I do put it on when I enter bigger cities with more police patrolling the area like Ortigas and Makati, or when I drive out of town, but usually it stays off.

Have you ever liked someone much older than you? No. I’ve had a crush on a teacher, but I obviously didn’t legit like him haha.

Have you ever been in a play? Just the annual school plays we do that all students are required to be a part of. I forgot to mention this in a recent survey but I was in an acting club in Grade 1 and I played Cinderella’s prince in our culminating play, heheh.

Do you have any secrets that nobody knows about? Sure.

Is there ice cream in your freezer? Yeah. My parents love ice cream so we always have an ample supply of their favorite flavors. Sometimes we’ll also have a tub of cookies and cream since it’s our (the kids’) favorite flavor.

Have you ever started to laugh but played it off as a cough successfully? For sure. I always laugh at inappropriate moments so I do fake coughs a lot.

Have you ever liked the lyrics of a band but hated the music? I suppose so. Hate is a strong word and I’d rather not use it, but while the music my girlfriend listens to wouldn’t be what I’d tune into on a regular basis, the lyrics are admittedly very well-written and intelligent and reflective, and I don’t mind it when she shares her favorite songs with me :)

Does your bathroom have a window? Yes but they’re high up on the wall.

Do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? No, I’m really scared of threading :( Everyone always gets out of the salon with their eyebrow area all red and tingling and it’s enough to scare me off of threading forever lmao. I’m not very conscious about how my own eyebrows look, so I just let them grow out.

When you were younger did you read the A Series Of Unfortunate Events books? I’ve only seen snippets of the movie.

Who was the last band you saw live? Paramore. I miss them already.

Do you believe prayer really works? I’m not gonna invalidate the fact that it works for a lot of people. But it’s just not my cup of tea, and I honestly don’t know how to feel whenever someone says they pray for me since I don’t believe in it anyway. Of course I thank them, but on the inside I’m always a little puzzled.

Are you a fan of the band Gym Class Heroes? Never been. I know Stereo Hearts and that was always a fun song to sing, but it’s not my favorite either.

Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats? I don’t really have either, but I’d go with frosted flakes I guess?

Have you been on a date in the park? I would love to have one of these if we actually had parks. How nice would it be to take a long stroll, have a picnic, and just sit on a bench talking for hours?

Ever dated someone you were best friends with first? Yes. At first I didn’t want to risk it since we were reeeeeally close, but I don’t regret asking her out.

Are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? Thankfully no. Although my grandpa and his sister did pass from heart attacks and I’m starting to be scared that it might develop to be a pattern for some of us. But other than that, both sides of the family are relatively healthy.

Do you have asthma? No. But Gab does and I get really worried once her breathing becomes labored at night. I keep telling her to get a new nebulizer after her old one broke, but I dunno what’s become of that request of mine.

Are tongue piercings slutty? No, and it’s not like being slutty is a bad thing lol.

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? No one in real life but I do still have a crush on CM Punk who’s turning 42 this year hahah. I don’t think that crush is ever gonna go away.

Last person to take off your pants, besides you? Gab.

Do you remember those cool highlighters that smelled like popcorn? I knew about markers and ballpens, but not highlighters.

Might you enjoy hanging out in the woods for day or two? No thanks. I’d rather have somewhere to go home to or rest at by the end of the day, and if I was gonna do this I prefer to be with someone who knows a thing or two about surviving in the woods.

Have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? Nope. The worst thing I’ve done was write on one of the desks in grade school.

Least favorite alcoholic drink? Out of the ones I tried, I didn’t like whisky at all. Too bitter for me < Twins. I hated the ever living shit out of Jim Beam and Jack Daniels when I tried them.

Have you ever kissed someone named Paul or Luke? I haven’t. I have a cousin named Luke that I used to babysit and I kissed him a lot when he was a baby, if that counts lol.

How did you meet the last male you texted? I met them at the Marcos heroes’ burial protests. I have no idea how I started talking to them, but I think it was because they were wearing a Nexus shirt and I told them I like it, and we started talking from there.

Have you ever had an embarrassing email address? Yup. I wasn’t allowed to make an email address when I was young so I had to sneak around and make a fake Yahoo username so my parents would never find me. I don’t remember what it was anymore but it was for sure embarrassing so I’m just grateful my brain threw that memory out.

Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand? OMG this survey is so long. I put it on my left hand.

Do you have a bull ring through your nose? Nope, no piercings.

Do you and your dad get along? Better than my mom and I.

Can you see your purse right now? Nah, it’s in my room upstairs.

Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? I am not. I haven’t had a reason to in a while.

Are there products in your hair? Just shampoo and conditioner.

When you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy? No. Whaaaat, those exist? I just blow my nose or just live through the stuffiness.

Do you actually like sneezing? I love it, it’s such an underrated sensation lmao. It feels better when you’ve actually been needing to sneeze for a while and it finally comes through.

Have you taken a shower yet today? Nope, I usually take them at night.

Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? I have two.

Do you wear skirts a lot? Not really, I don’t like skirts because I feel exposed wearing them. I prefer shorts.

Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Nope.

How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? I can remember five pairs right now, but I have many other kinds of bottoms in my closet like culottes and leggings.

Do you like hoodies? They’re okay. I find them more comfortable if they belong to someone else, hah.

Big ones or the form fitting kind? Form-fitting if I’m buying for myself; big ones if I’m borrowing from Gabie.

Do you wear polo shirts a lot? I never wear them. My mom made me wear them often as a kid and it made me feel like a boy, so I’ve kinda had a predisposition to be wary of them as I got older since I was teased frequently enough about being a tomboy as a kid as it is.

Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? I think we probably did.

Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? I have one big regret and the rest of my ‘regrets’ are small and are stuff like “I regret not picking up food on my way home because I’m now hungry.” The way I’ve always thought is that I did the things I did before because I chose to do them and I was happy to do them, and I’ve honestly felt barely any regret even though things didn’t turn out the best. There’ve been mistakes but I’ve just chosen to learn from them instead of regretting them at the same time. Do you love your computer? Love it.

Do you drink coffee? Yeah. I’ve been doing it a lot this quarantine but I think it’s been giving me headaches, so I stopped for now.

Do you basically like all of your clothes? No. There are some at the bottom of the pile that I’m no longer crazy about anymore.

Do you shop mostly with your parents, your friends, or by yourself? My mom. She tends to know what looks best on me, and she also pays for the clothes hahaha.

[caxmee]

Can we talk about how hard it is for people with shoe size 10 and up to find heels? I guess women are supposed to be delicate flowers with tiny ass feet. For anyone who knows the struggle all too well, I’ve made a list of brands who carry big sizes.

At age 10 I was already wearing size 10 shoes, As she forces my feet down a 9.5 my mother would say “ fòk ou mary on kòdonye wi!” (you need to marry a shoemaker). Back then, I was never into heels or proper shoes so I wore sneakers. However, as I entered my 20���s, my fashionista side came out.  In addition to struggling to find size 12 heels, wearing a prosthesis also limits the kind of heels I can wear:

Nothing higher than 3 inches

If they are boots , they need to have zippers

No thin or toothpick heels

I’m no expert but after 10 years of struggling, here  is a solid list of places to shop for beautiful statement heels.

For the shopper on a budget: 

Payless: Can’t expect to get great quality shoes from them but sometimes you find statement shoes and it’s great for a last minute go-to.

 Zappos and 6pm: have to spend countless hours looking but the prices are decent.

Target: Which I always pronounce with a French accent, (nothing but respect for my president.) you would be surprised by how many cute shoes they have, quality is not the best but for a last minute event, it can be a savior. (the kitten heels below are from Target)

Amazon is a gem if you use the right search term you will find something. I recently bought 4 pairs (red, yellow, blue & orange) of colorful gogo boots, which go up to a size women 16 btw, UNHEARD OF. (pictured below)

Mid price range:

Banana Republic goes up to a size 12

Nine West: they never have my size in stores so I never bothered checking out their website until recently when I spotted the boots below. Goes up to a 12

Shoes from Nine West

Shoes from Nine West

DSW: if you scroll long enough you will find a couple of statement shoes like the one im wearing in the photograph below.

Shoes from DSW

Able to splurge:

 IRINYC carries several unisex platform shoes, I currently own 2 pairs and I love how comfortable they are.

Miista unfortutaley carries up to a size 11 but I love their minimalist yet sttaemtn designs

Shopbop: a third party website that carried several brands

Syro: a  gender neutral shoe brand�� created with queer folks in mind. They go up to a size 14 men (16 women)

Luxury: 

The real Real, is great for second hand luxury shoes they carry heels up to a size o13 but they go fast so if you see something jump on it. 

Stuart Weitzman not my top favorite but they carry up to Size 12

Maison Margiela: goes up to a size 11, I’m currently obsessed with their signature cow toe boots in red. Good news is that they have heels for men that go up to a size US men 13 aka US women 15 

Current favorites in size 11

  Transparent  Sandals from Zappos come in black or silver up to size 11. Snake skin or white booties from Zappos. These flowery boots are definitely a head turner, weather you’re heading to a sunflower field, road tripping down south or simply Autumning in NYC. These half teal half brown boots and these to-die-for Calvin Klein. and finally these classic pump, from Miista.

I really didn’t have trouble finding size 11 so let’s see some 12+ finds.

Current favorites in Size 12+

These beaut  with 3 1/4 heels in maroon. These 4in heels come in black matte, flowery red and fur and guess what they? go up to a size 13

These Sandals with amazing print currently have 13. If you have the luxury to splurge or a sugar daddy or two these Balenciaga boots could prob raise the dead. The gogo boots I previously mentioned come in a gazillion colors and go up to a size 16, I think they run a bit small, I bought size 12 and plan on exchanging for 13.

If you can wear heels higher than 3 inches, bravo,  your options will be wider than mine.

Tips:

Mama ain’t raise no fool so when you shop online, always filter by size that way you don’t get disappointed.

If you are delusional enough to go shop in stores, don’t waste your time looking around, ask someone who works there what’s  the biggest size they carry, they will probably say 10, say thank you and make a graceful exit.

ALWAYS check the men’s section. They are often more comfortable and if you happen to go to a party I guarantee no other woman will have the same shoes.

When you finally find your size don’t overthink, take it and go, you can always return them.

A brand might not have your size on their website but might sell their big sizes through a third party website, so  if you see shoes you like but not in your size google  style name + brand + the size you are looking for.

Don’t. sleep. on. Amazon

If you wear size 12, look for brands that cater to trans women or make gender neutral shoes or heels for men.

Don’t look for shoes when you need them. Women with big feet don’t have the luxury of going into random stores to find shoes last minute, therefore constantly look online and when you find a gem …refer to tip #4

Don’t be afraid to stop strangers  with big feet and ask them where they got their shoes.

Know your foreign sizing especially  Europe/Italy , UK and France. Several European brands wether it’s ASOS or luxury brand like Gucci and Maison Margiela carry big sizes. Problem is, they always have limited big sizes, by the time you’re googling the size conversion chart, someone has already clicked the purchase button. I know I sound dramatic but if you wear size 12 and up you know everyone your size is just following tip #4

Lastly, if you have some favorite places you get shoes from or more tips, comment them below or on my instagram under the picture announcing this post.

-Mama Cax

No country for boring shoes Can we talk about how hard it is for people with shoe size 10 and up to find heels?

[aratorejke-blog]

Marco Aratore

https://hotmyfreecams.comJessica looked in the mirror and sighed, she hated her long brown hair. It cascaded down to just below her shoulders, still smooth and shiny from her shower this morning. Jess grabbed her yellow scarf, which she had slung over her chair on her return from college that afternoon, and draped it over her head. Pulling it down with her hands either side of her head covering her awful brown hair. She posed and pouted like she had seen the movie stars she idolise do, imagining her hair was a golden blonde.

At 18 Jess had never dyed her hair, her mother was very strict and wouldn't allow this. As her mother would say, "I will not have you dying your hair like the other Harlots in your class."

As Jess stood there in front of the mirror looking quite ridiculous with this bright yellow scarf on her head she sighed again. Suddenly her peace and quiet was interrupted by the voice of her father calling up to her.

"Hun, what was the name of the film you and Kim are watching again."

"Shit." Jess murmured "Uh, The Hunger Games dad, it's based on the books I read last summer."

"That's the one." Her dad hollered back. It was Friday night which meant Jess was off to the movies. One of the few pass times her parents permitted.

Jessica's parents were very strict and she knew if she was honest with them over the real film the girls were going to see this evening they would never let her out of the house. Jessica was a blossoming young woman, exploring her sexuality and she had a bit of a crush on Channing Tatum. Jess would often think about his ripped body while in the shower, he really turned her on, and tonight the girls would be going to see the male stripper film Magic Mike. But before Jess could go to the cinema she needed to choose an outfit and quick. She wanted to be the one greeting Kim not her prudish parents.

Kim had been Jessica's best friend since primary school. They stayed best friends when they moved up to secondary school even a brief falling out over Kyle Golding in year 9 couldn't derail their friendship. When Kim left school at 16 Jess feared they would drift apart. Luckily for Jess, Kim put a lot of effort into their friendship, Kim would even sometimes be waiting for Jess when he came back from college. https://bestpornever.me

Checking the clock on her dressing table Jess realised Kim would be pulling up her drive shortly. Instead of choosing an outfit, Jess was day dreaming about changing her hair colour. Jess still hadn't picked out an outfit, she moved to her wardrobe and stood looking at her frumpy outfits. None of these would do and Jess grabbed her neck in frustration and started to massage herself hoping inspiration would strike.

As Jess stood there in her white lacy bra, which pushed her 34DD round globes together creating a mouth-watering cleavage. Her matching white thong disappeared into the crack of her pert tight ass. Jess took one last look in her wardrobe hoping her clothes would miraculously change into something a normal girl would wear. As Jess scanned her wardrobe a large plastic bag on the floor of her wardrobe caught her eye, she swore it wasn't there this morning. As Jess pulled the bag out and started to rummage through it, Jess realised she has her hands on a goldmine of revealing outfits.

When Jessica was younger she went through a typical teenage rebellious phase, which only lasted a summer. Jess would go out with Kim, buy skimpy outfits and hide them at the back of her wardrobe. Realising the change in Jessica's attitude her mother would monitor Jessica's wardrobe and remove any clothes she didn't think were suitable. After clothes started to disappear from her wardrobe the arguments started. Jess felt her privacy was being invaded. A few groundings later and Jessica's rebellious side disappeared. She realised fighting her mother on her wardrobe was fruitless and expensive.

But now as If by magic the clothes had reappeared. Jess had grown up a fair bit recently, filling out in some noticeable areas, it just meant the clothes would be even more revealing. The thought of her body being on display coupled with the knowledge these outfits were forbidden excited Jess. Her right hand instinctively reached up and cupped her firm left breast. The gentle pressure her fingers placed on her boob comforted Jess like only her security blanket could when she was a child. Jess also started to pinch her nipple through the thin fabric on her lacy bra.

In the bag Jess saw short skirts, tight shorts, revealing 2 piece bikinis, skimpy tops... It was a smorgasbord of outfits but knowing she was pressed for time Jess settled for a pair of bright blue jeans and a white tank top. Jess pulled the tank top over her head. Being 3 years old the top was tight and it was a bit of a stretch getting it down over her tits. Jess would not be denied though and pulled hard as the material expanded and clung to her body. The bottom of the tank top came down to just above Jessica's flat navel and the bottom of the tank top hung loose away from her body. Jess glanced in the mirror, the top had stretched nicely over her firm breasts showing a good eyeful of cleavage.

Next came the jeans and Jess quickly realised these were the £200 Versace jeans her dad bought for her birthday a few years ago. She actually got to wear them a few times as being Versace and costing over £200 trumped any comment Jessica's mother could make against them.

"Only a Harlot would wear such tight jeans!" Her mother said when she saw them for the first time.

"A Harlot wouldn't be able to afford such expensive jeans." Jess retorted. For a time this was enough for Jess to keep the Jeans. However Jessica's mother wasn't stupid and she knew Jess only wanted them because they almost looked painted on and soon they too disappeared from her wardrobe.

As Jess poured herself into the tight jeans she glanced in the mirror her hour glass figure was quite a sight. At 5, 7" and being a size 10, Jess would catch the eye of most men in bin bag. These tight form fitting jeans nicely accentuated her thin legs and tight pert round ass. They were low cut and left plenty of stomach on show. Unfortunately Jess would have to cover her stomach for now so she could leave the house.

Jess grabbed a pink shirt to cover tight body and firm tits. The shirt was a little loose so didn't show off Jessica's fantasting cleavage, which was fine for now. Jess had a plan to alter her outfit later. She knew how to show off her body and planned to untuck the shirt and tie it off exposing her newly pierced belly button. While at the same time undoing the top 3 buttons of her shirt to ensure her fantastic 34DD tits were on display for anyone to see.

Just as the doorbell rang, letting Jessica know Kim had arrived, Jess finished applying a hint of makeup. She had only just been allowed to have a small makeup kit since she turned 18, little did her mother know Jess had been applying makeup for years. Jess would steal and borrowing what she needed from shops, friends and her own mother. The light eyeshadow and pink bubble-gum flavoured lip-gloss Jess applied didn't do a lot. She still looked younger than her years, but it gave her a small boost in confidence.

Jess grabbed her pink Gucci purse and slipped her black velvet choker in the inside pocket. Another small change Jess would be making to her current outfit when she was out of the view of her parents. She slipped on a pair of flats, heeled shoes where strictly forbidden. Finally after one last quick glance back in the mirror Jess was bouncing down the stairs to open the door for her waiting friend.

Kim was a bit smaller than Jess at 5, 5" with equally round mouth-watering breasts, they were also 34DD's. Kim had a toned, stomach and round ass which she worked hard on to keep tight. Kim could be a bit of a fitness freak at times. Jess knew Kim didn't have the same dress code set by her parents so wanted to reach the door before Jessica's parents could see what Kim was wearing. No doubt it was much sluttier than Jessica's current outfit.

Jessica's heart sank when she saw her father had not only beaten her too it but was in quiet conversation with Kim. While her father wasn't as strict as her mother he was no fool. He knew girls matured faster than boys. So letting his little girl out with another, acting older than she was, wouldn't be permitted. Jess couldn't make out what was being discussed but from her view on the stairs it looked intense. Suddenly Kim's face came into view over her father's shoulder "Hey Jess!" Kim Shouted.

Kim's had golden blonde shoulder length hair and while Jess had an angelic face, largely owning to her sparse makeup, Kim's face was much sexier. This in part was due to her naturally thick red lips and Cindy Crawford style mole. Kim also used more makeup than Jess often wearing too much eyeshadow in Jessica's opinion.

As Jessica's father moved aside Kim's outfit came into view and Jess suddenly had a pit forming in her stomach. Kim had black knee high boots, black stockings (Even though Jess couldn't see the stocking tops Kim never wore tights). A flared black skirt stopping halfway down her thigh, with a tight blue boob tube, which barely contained her large cleavage. A short black leather jacket rounded out the outfit. Jess figured the jacket was new, as she had never seen it before. Fear crept across Jessica's face and she felt panicked, there was no way Jess's father would let her out with Kim dressed like this.

"Hi pumpkin." Jess's father said smiling at his daughter. Jess moved next to her father, he was 6ft and kept in good shape, this owed to the fact he was only in his late thirties. He and Jessica's mother had Jess when they were quite young. Kim noticed the panicked look on Jessica's face but her father was seemingly oblivious. https://hotmyfreecams.com

Jessica's dad threw his arm around her shoulder "You kids enjoy the Hungry Games movie tonight." Jess was in shock that her father had no opinion on Kim's clothes. Deciding a quick exit was the best option, she didn't even correct her father about the name of the movie, they weren't even going to see.

As her father bent over to kiss Jess on the forehead Kim grabbed Jessica's arm pulling her away from her father's embrace. Leading her down the path and into her car. Jessica's father stood in the door way beaming and waving to his little girl. Jess was in shock, it was only 3 months ago that her father had forbidden Jess from ever seeing Kim again. The row erupted over the way Kim dressed and acted.

It was decided Kim acted far to grown up and Jessica's father believed Kim was a bad influence. While her father relented in the last month Jess was sure Kim's current outfit would send him round the bend, but it didn't.

"How are you Jess." Kim's words snapped Jess back to reality. She dragged her eyes away from her father, now disappearing as the car reversed off the driveway into the street. The look of panic had disappeared and was replaced by a smile on the teenagers beautiful face.

"I'm great now I'm out of the house." Came the jubilant response from Jess. It's not that she hated her parents but with all the rules Jess felt a sense of freedom every time she was out with Kim.

Both girls laughed and chatted on the drive into town. On the way Jess modified her outfit. Untucking the pink shirt and undoing the top three buttons. Jess then took the bottom of the shirt and lifted it up so she could pull it through her neckline. This caused the material on her shirt to pull tight against her firm chest. Jess tied the shirt off showing plenty of cleavage and stomach, giving her a schoolgirl style look. Next came the black choker from her purse. The choker always made her feel sexy. There was a slight tingle in her panties after she finished changing her clothes.

"Tadah! What do you think Kim." Jess was very pleased with herself and wanted the adulation which normally followed an outfit change.

"No no no that won't do at all." Came Kim's response. Jess felt let down by this as she put a lot of weight in Kim's opinions.

Kim continued, "Don't get me wrong you look hot as hell but we need to change a couple of things. Don't worry I brought my makeup kit and a spare pair of pink pumps for you." Jess was confused, makeup and high heeled shoes? They were only going to the cinema, who would see them?

That's when Jess realized they missed the turn to the high rise carpark by the multiplex cinema and where headed back out of town. "Kim you missed the turn!" Exclaimed Jess.

[sophcaro]

Destiny | WMatsui - Chapter 35

Three months later.

Rena followed attentively the weather forecast on the television while she finished packing, unsettled when the TV presenter reaffirmed the possibility of snow in Tokyo. Even though the probability remained low, Rena certainly didn’t want to give it any chance. Taking out a wool sweater from the drawer, she placed it into her suitcase, then lowered her gaze to the pair of Nike sneakers she had originally planned to wear for her weekend.

As the recent weather, snow warning replayed in her head, her better judgement ended up winning the upper hand. Kneeling down in front of the cupboard, she grabbed the pair of sneakers and put it back on the shoe rack quite reluctantly, opting instead for a pair of long, black winter boots. Once her decision was made, she straightened up and took one last glance at her opened suitcase, mentally making sure she hadn’t forgotten anything, then went over the content of her backpack.

When she discovered two important items missing, she blemished.

Wait, where are the tickets?

Rena looked around the bedroom in alert, searching the shelves for any sign of the missing tickets, before walking towards her desk and frenetically going through the pile of papers laying there, while retracing in her head the last time she had seen the tickets. When her fingers finally encountered the precious sesame trickily hidden between two magazines, relief brought a smile to her lips.

Jump Festa, 18-19 December 2020.

2 entries.

Admonishing herself for having misplaced the tickets in the first place, Rena didn’t waste any more time to retrace her steps back to her backpack and carefully secured the pair of entry tickets in the front pocket, along with her Shinkansen train ticket for Tokyo and hotel reservation for two nights. Once Rena was reassured she was fully prepared, she took a brief peek at her watch in curiosity, taking in that it was past 3 p.m. Airi should be arriving at any minute now.

As Rena closed her suitcase and reflected upon the upcoming, anticipated annual manga and anime exposition, she already found herself pretty impatient to be attending it, even more with her dear best friend. Lately, they had been both so occupied with work and life circumstances, they unfortunately hadn’t been able to meet as often as she would have wished. That’s why, when Airi had called one evening and proposed to go to the event, Rena had been more than pleased to accept, grateful that her own, busy schedule enabled her to free herself for the weekend.

When Rena heard the doorbell ringing, she snapped out of her thoughts and raised her gaze, her feet leading her outside the bedroom as she moved towards the front door. As she opened and saw her best friend standing on the other side with her suitcase, Rena’s face spread into a smile of pleasure.

“Hi Airin,” Rena said, opening the door wider and stepping aside to let her in. “You’re right on time.”

“Hi,” Airi returned the greeting and followed her inside, until unease crossed her features. “Reassure me, you have the entry tickets, right? On the way here, I realized I didn’t have them with me, and I got worried I had left them at home.”

“I do, they are in my backpack. And I have our hotel reservation too.”

“Oh good,” Airi exhaled a long sigh of relief. “For a minute, I was truly afraid I had forgotten them at home.”

“I’m the one who bought them, remember?” Rena replied, frowning in perplexity at her friend’s strange edginess. “What’s happening? You seem disturbed.”

“It’s the weather,” Airi winced in displeasure. “When they announced a few days ago that it might snow at the end of the week, I was afraid our train would get cancelled.”

“It certainly doesn’t look like it will snow today,” Rena said doubtfully, entering the bedroom and pulling her small, red suitcase towards the entrance. “And frankly, I’m not even sure it will snow at all. Let’s not forget we haven’t seen snow in Tokyo in years.”

“Yes, you’re right,” Airi agreed willingly, before arching an eyebrow when she discovered the pair of black winter boots standing by the bedroom door. “And that’s why you’re taking a pair of boots?”

“Well, you know me. I like to be prepared just in case.” They smiled at each other knowingly.  “Anyway, let me just fetch my backpack, and we can leave.”

“Sure,” Airi bit her lip to stifle a grin and watched as the other girl disappeared in the bedroom, checking her phone distractedly while waiting for Rena’s return. As she was about to put her phone away in her backpack, her whole body tensed as she rummaged through it and realized her phone charger was nowhere to be found. “Rena, do you still have the charger from your previous Apple? I think I forgot mine at home.”

“I see you were indeed not yourself today,” Rena, passing her head through the bedroom door, chuckled slightly. “Check the cupboard in the living room. Second drawer. It should be there with my older phone. Remind me, why don’t you have the newest Samsung? I believe I already praised its merits more than once.”

“Thanks,” Airi ignored her friend’s teasing tone and span on her heels, moving towards the living room. When she pulled the indicated drawer and stumbled upon the familiar charger, her face relaxed into a smile, until she paused when she felt the glass of a picture frame underneath her fingertips. After retrieving the charger, curiosity got the best of her and she took it out, recognition passing over her face when she saw the four girls sitting at a restaurant and smiling at the camera.

It might have already been five years since this moment was immortalized, Airi would never forget Rena’s 24th birthday.

A wave of nostalgia swept through her as she studied the picture and observed everyone’s happy faces. From Akane carelessly laying her head upon her shoulder with a silly, goofy expression, to Jurina’s large, bright smile while discreetly holding Rena’s hand underneath the table. Not only they had spent such a wonderful evening, it reminded her of the good old days when they were all comfortable around each other and would frequently hang out and spend time together the four of them.

After so many years, it could seem that those good times were long gone and only a distant memory. Yet, as Airi reflected upon what had sadly drawn the group of friends apart, she somehow refused to believe that this picture represented their last moment of happiness. Maybe it was her never-ending optimist side speaking and she was being too naïve. Nevertheless, Airi found herself hoping life would one day give them a second chance to be reunited once again.

When Airi felt a new presence behind her, she glanced over her shoulder, feeling a prickle of apprehension when she saw Rena’s eyes glued on the picture frame. “I was looking for the charger when I found this,” Airi said, handling the picture to Rena when she extended her hand. “I didn’t remember that you had this picture framed, but I understand why you did,” Airi’s last words died away when she distinguished a tinge of melancholy in her friend’s expression. “It was such a great moment. It really was.”

“I didn’t remember putting it here. Actually, it’s Jurina who insisted on having it framed,” Rena explained, much to Airi’s surprise. “For some reason, when she saw the picture the waiter had taken of the four of us at the restaurant, she loved it instantly and wouldn’t relent until I had it framed. You know Jurina: once she has set her mind on something, it’s hard to disagree with her.”

At those last words, an unexpected fond smile touched Rena’s mouth and Airi, sensing her friend’s mood improving, decided to push her luck a little, asking a question burning her lips. “Have you… gotten any news from Jurina recently?”

“No, I haven’t. And maybe I never will again.”

Airi wasn’t fooled by Rena’s deceptively composed features, hearing distinctly the pessimism and great insecurity in her friend’s voice. “Jurina was playing in a drama, wasn’t she? You know better than I do how little free time you have once you start such an important shooting, with the long work hours and all the promotion. Even more when you have the leading role. I’m sure she’ll recontact you once it’s over.”

Airi gave Rena’s shoulder a comforting light squeeze before stepping back and progressively retreating towards her backpack. While she placed the charger inside, she stole a few preoccupied glances in her friend’s direction now and then, observing the way Rena seemed lost in her own little world, unable to drag her eyes away from the picture.

After a while, Airi broke the silence. “I’m ready to go when you are.”

At last, Rena lifted her gaze. “Go ahead, I’ll be right here.”

Airi did as instructed and approached the hallway, hearing behind her the sound of footsteps moving on the floor as Rena engulfed herself in the bedroom, returning the next moment with her own backpack. As Airi waited next to the front door while Rena put her coat and boots on, she swept around the familiar apartment one last time, caught off guard yet pleasantly surprised when she noticed the picture of Rena’s 24th birthday now standing on a shelf near the living room’s television.

  “You know, you didn’t have to come with me,” Akane addressed hesitantly Jurina as they both stepped off the Shinkansen and began walking down the train platform, following the flow of passengers slowly moving towards the exit.

“Eh? What are you talking about?” Jurina glanced back at her at once, taken aback, until noticing her friend’s worry. “Okay, I might not be an otaku as you are, but I do enjoy watching animes and reading mangas from time to time. I meant it when I said I wanted to spend the weekend with you. I really did. Besides, I needed a breather.”

“And you believe a 2-day anime convention will be relaxing?” Akane’s brow furrowed in scepticism.

“Alright. Maybe not,” Jurina conceded in mild amusement. “But it doesn’t matter. These last three months, I have barely been able to talk to you or even socialise with anyone at all. I needed this,” she stated with assurance, before abruptly stopping on the train platform and shooting the other girl an apprehensive look. “Wait. You don’t mind me accompanying you, do you?”

“Of course not!” Akane retraced her steps back to her and caught Jurina’s hand, encircling her fingers with her own. “I’m also very happy to finally be able to spend time with you. I missed you too,” she gently added, glad when she saw a smile of happiness instantly falling upon Jurina’s lips. “I just wanted to warn you once again that this weekend was probably going to be the opposite of soothing and restful.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Jurina affirmed with an air of confidence, not letting go of Akane’s fingers while she tugged at her hand and resumed her walk. “Besides, if it’s truly as tiring as you’re implying, then I’ll have all the following week to recover. Sorry Churi, but I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

Akane hid a smile when she felt an unexpected, quick kiss on her cheek, easing up a little at her friend’s reassuring words. To be honest, after witnessing Jurina’s drawn features the previous evening, she feared this weekend in Tokyo would be far too exhausting for her, especially after barely finishing a strenuous, 3-month shooting. However, Jurina’s current energy, cheerfulness and enthusiasm told her that a good night sleep had already done wonders on her.

  “We’ve arrived,” Jurina said when she stepped out of the elevator with Akane at the second floor and spotted the number 22 after a short walk, pausing her blue suitcase in front of the hotel door. “It’s our room.”

Just as Jurina was about to slid the keycard inside the lock, she vaguely registered in the background the sound of the second elevator opening but didn’t pay real attention to it, until she distinguished two, distinctive feminine voices chatting together and approaching. Jurina’s hand paused in mid-air as she couldn’t help thinking that they sounded oddly familiar, meeting Akane’s small, confused expression when she turned around towards the direction of the elevators.

When Jurina saw and recognized the two girls arriving at the end of the corridor, especially the beautiful long, brown-haired girl pulling a red suitcase, her heart leaped into her chest. “R-Rena?”

The conversation abruptly ceased as the 29-year-old girl immediately averted her gaze from her travelling companion, her eyes widening when she discovered the two girls standing in the corridor. “Jurina…?” Rena’s breath caught in her throat, briefly acknowledging Akane’s presence by Jurina’s side, until locking eyes with the younger girl in incredulity. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Jurina stammered, her eyes darting back and forth between Rena and a positively shocked Airi standing by her side. “I’m going to the Jump Festa with Churi,” she continued, giving Akane a quick side look, and finding her friend equally speechless by this completely unforeseen meeting. “It’s this weekend at Makuhari Messe.”

“Wait. You are? We are going too…” Rena exchanged a baffled look with Airi, before returning her attention to the younger girl in confusion. “I didn’t know you were now interested in those kinds of conventions.”

“It’s not… It’s not really the case,” Jurina admitted a little embarrassedly. “A few days ago, I finished a long shooting in Tokyo. When Churi mentioned this event she wanted to go, I figured it would be a nice change of scenery and offered to come with her.”

Rena was too surprised to do more than nod.

When a deep, prolonged silence enveloped the four girls, up to the point of becoming a little too uncomfortable for Akane’s liking, she chose to intervene. “Why don’t we get inside?” she suggested, looking back at Jurina expectantly. “It was a long travel and you still haven’t fully recuperated; I’m sure you must be feeling tired.”

“Oh, s-sure…” Jurina quickly tore her eyes away from Rena and tried her best to recollect herself.

As she vainly tried to steady the pounding of the pulse beneath her ribs, Jurina realized that the task proved more difficult than anticipated when her impossibly shaking hand couldn’t manage to slid the key card properly. Mentally cursing her omnipotence, and as she was about make a second attempt, her fingers paused at the last moment and she couldn’t help but swing around, observing the two other girls who were about to enter their room just a few doors away.

“It was really nice seeing you again,” Jurina addressed the other pair, her gaze lingering on the older Matsui when their eyes met. “I hope you’ll both have a nice weekend.”

“Thank you...” Rena replied and Jurina saw something flickering back in Rena’s small, brown eyes, an indescribable affection that sent a tremor through her. “I also hope you’ll both enjoy yourselves.”

“Why don’t we have dinner together tonight?” At once, three pairs of eyes stared back in surprise at Airi who had stayed quiet until now and suddenly spoken up. “If you’re not feeling too tired Jurina, of course.”

“A-Airin…” Rena cleared her throat nervously. “We shouldn’t impose ourselves. Maybe they already had other plans for the evening.”

“No, we didn’t,” Jurina blurted out before stopping short, realizing the words that had accidentally come out of her mouth. “I mean,” she dropped her eyes before Rena’s startled expression, tilting her head towards Akane. “We could have dinner the four of us, right?” she added almost awkwardly, searching for her friend’s approval. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“I don’t think…” Akane blinked in astonished silence, noticing Jurina’s strange, hopeful look directed at her. “If it’s fine with you then why not,” she gave a forced smile and a tense nod of consent.

“What about 7 p.m.?” Airi chimed in, before adding. “We can meet in front of the hotel then decide where to go?”

Jurina nodded in agreement to Airi’s offer and slowly returned her gaze to Rena. As her eyes clung to hers, analysing Rena’s reaction and the small, shy smile the older girl was sending her, Jurina tried to make sense of the strange excitement now filling her whole being.  

  “Did you know they would be here?”

Akane, who was placing her suitcase next to the twin bed close to the window, turned around in surprise at Jurina’s question. “I knew Airi was planning on going to this convention with Rena,” she confessed a little embarrassedly, before continuing. “But it’s a big event: I didn’t believe we would cross path, even less be staying at the same hotel.”

Akane grew concerned as she saw her young friend averting her gaze, more than obviously and legitimately destabilized by this unforeseen situation. “We don’t have to go to the restaurant with them if it makes you uncomfortable,” she added carefully, slowly taking a seat by Jurina’s side. “I can tell Airi that we are both feeling very tired and don’t feel like going out. Just say the word.”

“What? Why wouldn’t I want to go?” Jurina looked up, puzzled, shaking her head negatively. “I’m not uncomfortable. It just completely caught me off guard. I didn’t expect to see them here. To see…” she paused uncertainly, before letting out. “To see her.”

Akane let out a thoughtful sigh, somehow still profoundly convinced that this dinner was a terrible idea and nothing good could come out of it. It had taken so much time for Jurina to get over her painful heartbreak with Rena. So many months to heal and accept that the girl she loved so deeply would never be by her side anymore. Already, she found herself quite reluctant when Jurina had suggested to invite Rena to her graduation concert, fearing it would only serve to bring back bad memories.

If truth be told, Jurina’s meeting with Rena hadn’t had the negative consequences she dreaded as the concert had gone smoothly without any major incident to be deplored, yet Akane could never have foreseen the shocking discovery Jurina had made a few days following her graduation. One evening had been enough to turn Jurina’s world upside down and realize that everything she had believed during three years only turned out to be a lie.

“Are you sure it doesn’t bother you?” Akane couldn’t help but voice once again her deep concern and to a certain extent, her discomfort and reluctance to this completely unplanned dinner. “You really don’t have to force yourself if you don’t feel like it.”

“I’m not. I promise.”

Akane was unsettled by Jurina’s quick reply, yet she could tell by the determination flashing in her eyes that she truly meant every word. Nevermind how much she strongly believed Jurina was making a tremendous mistake and would regret it later, she chose not to insist and to respect her decision. Nevertheless, she wanted to offer a friend a way out, just in case something went wrong.

“If you ever change your mind or you don’t feel at ease at any moment during the dinner,” Akane said, regarding her seriously. “Don’t hesitate to tell me and we’ll leave.”

  “You shouldn’t have done that.”

Airi, who was casually playing a game on her phone, raised her gaze at Rena’s disapproving tone. “Done what?”

“Inviting them for dinner!”

Airi, putting her phone away, let out a small despondent sigh when she noted her best friend’s exasperation. Somehow, she figured this conversation would be coming at one point or another during the evening. An hour ago, when they had entered their hotel room, Rena had been abnormally quiet, not saying a single word about their unexpected meeting with Jurina and Akane or their upcoming dinner together. As they had now been waiting a couple of minutes in front of the hotel for the other pair to arrive, it appeared her best friend was finally letting out what was on her mind.

“Don’t tell me you’re not happy to see Jurina again,” Airi retorted, shaking her head in disbelief. “I won’t believe you.”

“Of course, I’m happy to see her,” Rena’s voice dropped almost to a whisper, her expression softening. “But it’s not only about me. Jurina came to Tokyo to clear her head and spend a nice weekend in Akane’s company. I don’t want to embarrass her with my presence, and that’s exactly what’s going to happen if we pursue with this silly dinner idea.”

Airi’s eyes widened, not believing what she was hearing. “Embarrass her? What are you talking about? When I suggested the idea, Jurina was the first to agree.”

“Because you forced her hand! She was too nice and polite to refuse!”

For a long moment, Airi stared at her friend in incomprehension, trying to understand what on earth could be going on Rena’s mind for her to be so far from the truth. She couldn’t seriously have misinterpreted Jurina’s swift approval as a simple act of kindness. Surely, Rena couldn’t be that blind. Or could she? That’s when it hit her and Rena’s small desperate look made complete sense. “I know you want to avoid hurting Jurina again. But I think it’s time you finally tell her the truth about how you feel.”

“What are you sa-”

“I noticed the way Jurina was looking at you earlier on,” Airi quickly continued when Rena tried to interrupt her. “I won’t pretend that I know what’s going on inside her head, because I obviously don’t. But you would have to be incredibly blind to not see what’s happening in front of your nose, and that she still has affection for you. That’s why I believe she deserves to learn the truth from you. She deserves to know that your heart never belonged to another all this time.”

They fell into silence and Airi watched her friend in expectation, almost seeing the gears turning within Rena’s head as her mouth opened a couple of times as if she wanted to speak, yet the words seemingly refused to come out. As the minutes went by, and Airi ended up believing her best friend would not speak up on the subject, a fragile whisper escaped Rena’s lips. “What makes you think she wants me back in her life? I’m not even sure I deserve her forgiveness after the terrible suffering I caused her.”

Airi’s heart ached under her breast, wishing she would one day stopped hearing such despair and hopelessness in Rena’s voice when it came to her past relationship with Jurina and what she had lost three years ago. Without thinking twice, she reached out and clutched at Rena’s hand, only to find it painfully shaking. “You need to forgive yourself and give yourself a chance to be happy again.”

Rena gave her a watery smile. “You always see the good in everyone, don’t you?”

“You think?” Airi smiled, thinking about it. When she briefly looked backwards over her shoulder and noticed the other pair of friends approaching their direction, she gave Rena’s fingers one last light, comforting squeeze. “I mostly believe everyone deserves a second chance.”

  Rena was more than grateful for her long, black coat, woolly scarf and matching red gloves when the unpleasant cold of winter hit her pale skin, confirming she had indeed made the right decision by bringing warmer clothes for her weekend getaway. These last few days, the temperature had considerably dropped - easily approaching the 3°C at the end of day - but somehow the sensation of cold had never been so vibrant since her arrival in Tokyo.

Observing the blue sky turning slightly white above her head, Rena took her phone out to check the weather. At 7:15 p.m., the meteorology now announced for the evening a temperature varying between 0°C and -2°C in Tokyo. For now, the sky showed no immediate sign of snow. However, Rena realized this morning prediction had never been so close to becoming true.

Replacing her Smartphone in the pocket of her coat, Rena’s attention fell on the two girls chatting and walking in front of her, letting out of a small, thoughtful sigh when she remembered Airi’s clever, sneaky manoeuvre. As soon as Akane and Jurina had appeared and joined them in front of the hotel, her best friend hadn’t waited to carry out whatever action plan she visibly had in mind, taking Akane apart and engaging a conversation with her as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Oh yes, Rena had clearly witnessed Akane’s worried and troubled look directed at Jurina, one that spoke louder than words and told her that Akane definitely didn’t feel comfortable at the idea of leaving Jurina behind with her. Nevertheless, Airi’s unbelievable tenacity - one that Rena had admittedly not witnessed in years - managed to have the final say, as Akane ended up agreeing and following the other girl without a protest.

Rena gave another discreet sidelong glance to the 23-year-old girl quietly walking by her side, wondering why Jurina’s simple presence always managed to make her heart beat so rapidly. Three years had already passed, yet she had to concede that Airi was entirely right: no one else but Jurina would ever be able to provoke this warm, fuzzy feeling inside her. As Rena watched her expression closely, she got reminded that Jurina had never been good at concealing her emotions: her shyness and nervousness was anything but palpable.

Despite Rena’s previous conversation with Airi and her friend’s reassuring words - and to a certain extent, her own selfish desire to seize this unique opportunity – she feared this dinner to be a bad idea. In fact, just before leaving the hotel together, Rena had carefully tested the waters and offered the other pair a chance to go their separate ways, noticing that Akane was clearly feeling ill-at-ease in her presence.

Why wouldn’t we want to have dinner with you two?

To her utter surprise, Jurina had once more repeated that she saw no issue in having dinner together, leaving Rena a little speechless and with no other choice but to give in. Albeit the fact she found herself slightly taken aback by Jurina’s renewed approval, she was forced to recognize that Airi was apparently right and Jurina hadn’t accepted out of politeness after all, but genuinely wanted to spend the evening in their company.

Much as Rena wanted to stay realistic and she refused to see this dinner as anything more than a social gathering between friends, she couldn’t ignore either her conflicted thoughts and feelings. Entertaining any illusions or raising false expectations was evidently out of the question, yet she found herself unable to quiet the happiness that sparkled inside her at the mere idea of being reunited with the girl she had never ceased to love.

[descendinq]

Tea Time

    He carefully pushed open the heavy wooden door, careful to duck his hands into his sleeves when pushing on the metal handle and to stick right to avoid the charms hanging from the ceiling. Like always, he misjudged the height of the step down, smashing his foot a little too hard onto the wooden flooring and grabbing the attention of a small, rotund woman behind the desk, dark hair pulled into the world’s slickest and limpest ponytail. She snapped her head up when she heard the routine smack of his bare feet on her carefully cleaned floors and, like always, let out a worrying howl.

    “Oh, gods above, I just finished waxing!” He had a sheepish smile--her anger was always ephemeral--as he continued walking into the store, pulling a large wad of crumpled up cash out of his pocket as compensation for his ill manners. Three pennies, a dime, and a half-a-sprig of rosemary tumbled onto the floor as he turned out the pocket. His grin widened as he, albeit smugly, presented the woman with the pile of cash. She sniffed, narrowing her eyes into thin, hooded slits. “What's that then? Fifteen bucks?” He laughed out loud, then, shaking his head.

    “Fifty-seven,” He seemed excited. “And that's after I bought next week's groceries. It's nice to see you too, Ms. Binchy,” Her expression softened into something not unlike embarrassment, but before he could poke fun at the old shopkeeper, she turned her head and scoffed out her indignation.

    The shop’s walls danced with candlelight the way they always did and smelled of unpleasant herbal aromas mixed with the subtle addition of white sage. Ms. Binchy had reached the prestige of shopkeeping that, if all of her regulars continued coming on the basis that they did, she wouldn't need to lasso in anyone else with fancy aesthetics, and yet she played a bizarre mix of meditation music, soft melodies, and classical music anyway. The blond man recognized the current song, and, if he twisted in a surreptitious manner, could see the video playing on Ms. Binchy's computer screen. La Vie en Rose by Edith Piaf. Meant for a different crowd, perhaps, than an older woman peering into an empty tea glass to view the leaves within and a young man with dirty feet and a flannel that was far too big for him.

    “Emmanuel,” Ms. Binchy cleared her throat--it was more of a cough and a hack, really--and held up her glass for him to see. “You see that? Love is in the air,” He--or Emmanuel, he supposed--didn't agree. There was a fly and some dust in the air, which was not romantic to him in the slightest. He didn't particularly like tea, nor did he understand how Ms. Binchy was able to look at the map of grime at the bottom of her glass and see something meaningful in it. He preferred actual leaves, like the leftover half-sprig of rosemary in his pocket. For protection.

    On the basis of protection, he recalled why he consisted the empty store that day. Empty glass charms were lined up against the back window, various shapes and sizes but all reflecting light like a color show with a heavy whitening filter over it. He moved over to them and grabbed a fistful of the ones with tapered ends, wrapped an excessive amount of string around all five of his right hand fingers, and made sure to snatch a few sprigs of each herb on his way back to the counter. It took him a while to unspool all of the string on his fingers.

    “Why don't you just hold it?” Ms. Binchy went off again, grumbling as she punched in some codes to an old-school cash register that screamed every time a button went down. “You look like a fool doing that,”

    “I am a fool, Ms. Binchy. It's a lot easier to be stupid and honest than stupid and dishonest, you know,”

    The cash register's screaming stopped for a minute as Ms. Binchy scrunched her eyes together at him again. “Well, now, I said you were a fool. Not stupid,” Emmanuel smiled, big and bright, but Ms. Binchy was too busy being embarrassed and a shopkeeper to notice. “Here's your trinkets and string, varmit. You want a bushel of this or should I leave it loose?” Emmanuel pointed to the red ribbon spool on the wall with his left hand as he re-wrapped his fingers with the string. It was hard for him to bend them when they were like that--finger sausages. Ms. Binchy didn't seem to find it very funny, but he tried his hardest to grab the little bag with the bushel of herbs and glass containers. His struggle seemed like it would last an obscenely long time, as Emmanuel was in no hurry to leave the peace of Ms. Binchy's “Tea Time” and return to the chaos that was the city. However much he loved his forest and her shop, travelling between the two locations was not the safest. A barefoot, singing man dancing his way through the alleys and streets of Denver, Colorado? It didn't matter that he was a pacifist vegetarian with a tendency to flee from his issues, he never left the house for the city without an iron pair of brass knuckles and three sprigs of rosemary in his front right pocket.

    His mind had fogged over while he was wrapping his fingers, until eventually he stopped moving, leaving the strings limp and slowly unraveling from their forced form. Ms. Binchy, pouring herself another cup of tea, didn't look up until La Vie en Rose ended and the shop was cloaked in suffocating silence.

    “Emmanuel?” She sniffed, her voice revealing her hesitation. “Whatcha doing? Your string is coming undone,” Ms. Binchy's concern was most definitely not about his string coming undone, but Emmanuel knew what she meant. He spiraled, sometimes, into places he didn't understand, didn't remember. She brought him back when she was there. When she wasn't, the birds usually shouldered that responsibility.

    “Thank you,” He smiled vaguely, not confirming if the gratitude was late and intended as a general shopkeeper-patron interaction or if his thanks held deeper levels. Ms. Binchy was used to this by now. She had all kinds of people come by Tea Time, Emmanuel knew, and if she wasn't easing him out of a breakdown he didn't know the origin of, she was helping others. They, however, usually understood where their fears and anxieties were coming from. The small shopkeep opened her mouth, probably to offer an embarrassed grunt like always, but before any noise could escape her mouth, the heavy double doors jingled and someone's shoe heavily hit the ground.

    “Oh- that's, uh, not as deep as I thought,” It was a woman. She offered Emmanuel and Ms. Binchy a sheepish smile as she brought her other foot down onto the creaky floor. Neither the shopkeep nor her regular patron said anything, and the awkward silence seemed to be making the woman uncomfortable.

    “So, um- you sell crystals and tea bags, right?” She flattened her hair self-consciously, her hands adjourned with many types of rings. Emmanuel felt like he was unable to move but slowly falling, like water that just began to freeze in an ice tray.

    Ms. Binchy nodded, not at all awkward and uncomfortable like both of the patrons inside the store were. “Sure do. Tea bags are beneath this here counter and the crystals are by the window,” The woman smiled and turned to head to the window, but Ms. Binchy spoke up again. “Hey. You, uh- you must be new, huh? I haven't seen you around here before,” The woman smiled, adjusting her denim coat. Emmanuel idly wondered how he managed to stay as still as he did as long as he did, slightly bent and with string rapidly unraveling from his fingers. He felt a hot rush of shame as the woman glanced at his hand.

    “I'm not new,” She smiled, waving her hand and laughing from nerves. “I learned about this shop a few days ago, and- well, I thought I should check it out. I'm Margie,” Margie. Emmanuel was reminded of a magpie. She then turned to look at him, again confused by the man who only followed her with his eyes, and he felt his knees shaking. When she finally turned away and went to grab some crystals, he finally moved his legs into a better position, slowly and tense like a feral cat. His throat was closed.

    Other people entered the shop with him on occasion, and he was just as tense around them as he was around Margie, but at least he recognized them. There was Michael and Donna, the older couple that had their tea leaves read every other Sunday; Ophelia, the fifteen year old closeted girl in both sexuality and religion who came for the herbs; Ryan, the banker who recently went through a divorce and was using witchcraft as an attempt to thwart her ex-husband's new relationship; Renee, the quiet and short woman in her twenties more interested in the religion than anything Ms. Binchy actually sold; and most often, William and his young child Carson, the pair that came in, bought tea, and exchanged knowing glances with Ms. Binchy. Emmanuel knew what he was afraid of and, embarrassingly, longed for the day he would be one of the people receiving such knowing glances.

    But Margie? She was new. He didn't know her intentions, her desires, her fears, how her hands twitched when she was looking for things or if she was even shaky at all. She didn't look like it. The crystals didn't click against one another when she grabbed one out. The music began playing again. Some pop song he didn't know. He couldn't turn to look.

    “Do you want your change?” Ms. Binchy’s voice was much less than a whisper. It was a miracle he heard her at all. He slowly jerked his head in a strange, negative fashion. “Okay, bud. I'll save it for next time,”

    Those were the releasing words. Next time. There would still be a next time. Margie would not replace him, not even as she slowed to a stop in front of the glass vials and grabbed three, nor when she grabbed more expensive string than him and wrapped it partially around her slim index finger to hold it. His lip quivered when she grabbed seven sprigs of rosemary. More than him. When Margie turned again to approach the counter for tea bags, Emmanuel stumbled and fell in his haste to leave, smashing an unknown number of vials in the bag. He felt like crying, but instead he stood and let one of the string spools fall off his fingers.

    The heavy wooden door jingles again, and this time, two small feet jumped onto the creaky floor like they were splashing in a puddle. He was close to the door, then, and the sudden movement caused him to audibly suck in a deep breath. A tall man with groomed brown hair stepped down carefully, one of his hands holding those belonging to the small feet.

    “I'm sorry,” William quickly apologized, moving Carson to the side so neither of them were in the way. “I didn't hit you, did I?” Emmanuel felt his brain expanding and his chest tightening and his eyes somehow focusing and blurring at the same time so he closed them and focused only on listening. His ears were ringing.

    “No,” To Emmanuel, his own voice sounded like nails scratching on a wet chalkboard, but when he opened his eyes, William didn't look like he noticed. “You didn't,”

    “Good,” William’s arm jerked to the right as Carson grew impatient, a little toddler who didn't yet understand disrespect. “Have a nice day, Emmanuel,” He didn't notice the shaking in Emmanuel's legs nor the redness of his eyes nor the shattered glass rattling in the bag. The two men did, however, make eye contact, and that was the push that sent Emmanuel over the edge, screaming, boiling, he was bubbling over there was something coming, something he could hear and it was coming and

    He left the building silently before anyone could see him cry and ran as fast as his legs would take him because he was running from the safest place in his world and the cement hurt his feet and Margie was new and his vials were broken.

    He collapsed on his front porch step, bloody feet mixed with dirt and river water and mud. His grin was blinding.

[hale-of-stiles-heart]

idk whether you'd want like, lois lane-esque stiles or not to go with superman!derek but what about an au where derek flirts with stiles by "saving" him from everyday mishaps ??? if you hate that i can send another lmao c:

Sorry it took so long! And sorry if it’s a little rushed! (also on ao3!)

Being Superman meant that Derek was almost constantly saving people. Whether it was rescuing a family from a burning building or fighting one of his superpowered enemies, he was saving people.

At this point, it was simple habit to help people, something that had been ingrained in him since childhood. Growing up in a small town, in the midst of a tight-knit farming community, he had quickly learned the importance of helping others.

Throughout grade school, he had always been the first one to volunteer to help his teachers with everything from cleaning the chalkboard after a lesson to passing out papers to other students. It had earned him the moniker of teacher's pet, which he had heard other students whisper behind his back, not that he had cared much.

He had made a concerted effort to make friends with new kids who transferred in to school, offering to sit with them at lunch or show them around so they wouldn't get lost. He had even made it a habit to share his lunch with students who couldn't afford to buy school lunch and didn't have enough food at home to spare for a bagged lunch.

In high school, he had organized food drives and baking sales, doing everything in his power to help in whatever way he could. And when he bought his first car, a beat-up old Chevy pickup that wasn't much to look at but was his, he had taken it upon himself to offer rides to school whenever it rained so others didn't have to get soaked while waiting for the bus.

His almost compulsive habit of helping continued throughout college where he had founded more than a few student organizations that offered support for marginalized students and acting as the designated driver for dozens of parties he never would have attended otherwise. And it had never gone away.

Which is why when Derek started developing a rather embarrassing crush on one of his co-workers at the Daily Planet, he immediately fell back on his only method of flirting: saving him.

Stiles Stilinski was the Planet's newest hire, a fact checker slash reporter who was almost worryingly unafraid in the field. He had a penchant for getting himself into trouble no matter where he was, like the time that he had wound up as a witness to bank robbery while cashing his first paycheck from the Planet.

He had also stumbled upon a local chop shop in the city when he brought his precious Jeep in for an oil change only two months into his stay in the city. He had written a scathing expose about the business that had earned him a few death threats and had made Derek go on constant alert.

But Stiles hadn't been the slightest bit worried which only made Derek worry even more. And start his own personal brand of flirting which mostly consisted of 'saving' Stiles from everyday mishaps.

It started with simple things, ones that no one in their right mind would construe as flirting. He would inform Stiles when his shoelaces were untied, saving the extraordinarily clumsy reporter from tripping over his own feet and braining himself on the edge of his desk.

Stiles had just rolled his eyes and continued on his way to Mr. White's office. Of course, Stiles had ended up tripping and nearly smacked his head against the wall as he let out a shocked, high pitched cry.

It may have been an abuse of his powers and his mother probably wouldn't have approved but less than a second later, Derek had been at Stiles' side, righting him with a hand on his elbow. Stiles had brushed off Derek's concern with another eye roll as he bent to tie his shoes, though his cheeks were decidedly more red than before.

Another time, while leaving the office for the night, he had ended up walking to the parking garage with Stiles who was too engrossed in typing something on his phone to notice the steep drop off of the curb. Before Stiles could tumble off the sidewalk and break his ankle or worse, Derek had darted to his side, setting a guiding hand on the small of Stiles' back as he warned, "Watch your step."

Stiles had thanked him with a bright grin, making an offhand comment about the game on his phone he was playing, something about a Poochyena or something of that ilk. Derek never pretended to be very pop culture savvy.

A few weeks after the curb incident, Stiles was goofing off at his desk as he proofread his latest article about the local police department's annual charity ball, rocking back in his swivel chair. While grumbling about how much his eyes hurt from the hours of editing he had been putting in, he had leaned back much too far in his chair.

Before he could fumble backwards, bringing the chair with him, Derek, who had been walking by on his way back to his own desk, caught the back of his chair. Steadying the chair, he smirked at Stiles who gaped up at him, upside down, brown eyes wide.

"Careful," Derek had teased as he set the chair upright, the momentum rocking Stiles a bit. He couldn't resist puffing out his chest when Stiles' flushed a blotchy red to match his flannel shirt.

"My hero," Stiles had quipped, flashing Derek a bright grin as he turned back to his computer, nimble fingers flying over the keys. Derek had continued on his way to his desk with an extra spring in his step.

Things went on like that for quite some time. Stiles would do something reckless and clumsy and come dangerously close to bodily harm and Derek would swoop in like a white knight and save him from embarrassment and head contusions.

The pattern continued for weeks until Erica, one of the Planet's best photographers, decided to throw an impromptu office party. Derek wasn't even sure what exactly the point of the party was but he would have to be a fool to miss out on the champagne cupcakes Erica baked for every special event.

Apparently, neither could Stiles.

Though it was technically Stiles' day off, Derek heard the hum of his Jeep's engine as he approached the office building. As Stiles drew closer, Derek could hear the familiar pattern of his heartbeat, rabbit fast from caffeine and Stiles' jog into the building.

Stiles was in his usual state of dishevelment, wearing a dark blue flannel over a heather gray t-shirt and a pair of black jeans, his hair a complete mess. He had a paper cup of coffee from his favorite café in his hand, the scent of vanilla and caramel filling the room when he entered.

"Who's getting married?" Stiles asked as he made his way over to the table of various desserts where Derek was lingering, taking a break from editing his most recent article. His eyes flitted over the array of treats, from Erica's perfectly frosted cupcakes to the delicate chocolate cream puffs Boyd had bought from a nearby bakery.

Derek laughed into his own cup of coffee as Stiles licked his chops like a hungry puppy. Handing Stiles a paper plate to let him gorge himself to his heart's content, he asked, "Why do you think someone's getting married?"

"There's free food at work," Stiles pointed out, loading up his plate with as many cupcakes and mini eclairs as he possibly could. He glanced up at Derek as he popped a cream puff into his mouth, chewing with his mouth open in an oddly endearing way as he explained, "And not the shitty donuts that creep Daehler usually brings in. Must be a special occasion."

"Good point," Derek agreed, reaching over to grab an eclair from Stiles' plate. It earned him an affronted cry from Stiles who reached over to swat Derek on the arm.

"But no one's getting married," Derek informed him, taking a bite of his stolen eclair. Stiles shrugged, still loading up his plate with as much food as he could carry. "Erica just wanted to throw a party."

"Sounds like her," Stiles commented, raising his cup of coffee to his lips to take a sip. And because Stiles was quite literally the clumsiest person that Derek had ever met, the simple act of drinking coffee turned into a fiasco when he tipped the cup back too much and nearly spilled it all over himself.

Luckily, Derek was there to reach out and right Stiles' coffee cup before he could scald himself. But where Derek would have expected gratitude or a bit of embarrassment, as per usual, he only found suspicion as Stiles squinted at him.

"What are you doing?" Stiles asked, his voice low, curling up at the end. He narrowed his eyes a bit more as he gave Derek a quick once-over, pressing his lips together in a thin line.

"What do you mean?" Derek stammered, trying to appear as innocent as possible. He pushed his glasses further up his nose, Stiles following the movement with a raised brow.

"I mean," Stiles started, setting his plate of treats down on the table so he could point an accusing finger at Derek, "You keep doing stuff like that. The sidewalk, the chair, my shoelaces. What is this? Some kind of white knight syndrome or are you just flirting with me?"

Derek nearly swallowed his own tongue. He could feel his cheeks flush with heat, sure that he was turning bright red, his capillaries traitorous little bastards.

He shoved his free hand into his pocket, trying to look as casual as he could. But if Stiles was the clumsiest person ever, Derek was the most awkward.

Stiles clearly agreed as his eyes widened with realization as he stared at Derek, his jaw actually dropping like he were an animated character. Still pointing at Derek, he squeaked, "Dude, really?!"

Fully aware that he had never been very good at lying to Stiles --- save for the whole secret identity slash superpowered alien thing --- Derek just sighed. Chewing his bottom lip, he nodded, bracing himself for the inevitable rejection.

"That's awesome!" Stiles announced, breaking Derek out of his insecure little stupor. A wide smile had replaced his slack-jawed expression, his entire face lit up like the sun.

And like the sun, it made Derek feel utterly invincible. Invincible enough to swallow his hesitation and shove his awkwardness aside enough for him to ask, "So, uh, do you maybe wanna go out sometime?"

"Sometime?" Stiles echoed, tilting his head to the side like a floppy-eared puppy. Meeting Derek's eyes, Stiles smiled almost coyly and suggested, "What about right now?"

Derek beamed back at him, enthusiastically agreeing, "I think that sounds super."

[coffee-for-himchan]

Trust You With My Whole Heart (Himchan mafia/gang AU pt.2)

Word count: 7.8 k+ (wow, I sure got carried away)

Genre/warnings: Mafia/gang AU (May contain a swear word or two. Contains more violence and less smart talk than part one of the AU, but in my opinion, nothing too vivid or too excessive, even despite the described near-death experience and fight scenes)

Summary: He’d caught you, and you’d stayed simply because you didn’t have another choice. But all of the recent attention you’d been getting from him and all of the late night adventures outside the apartment he took you on made life more exciting and bearable, even to the point you found yourself wondering at the fact that you actually enjoyed it. All seemingly went uphill, that is, until one faithful night, when the person walking into the apartment to meet you late at night wasn’t Himchan, and when you weren’t the one who needed to be saved, having to be the savior yourself this time around.

(IMPORTANT A/N) First and foremost of, this is part two of this mafia AU I’d written recently. Since people asked for part two, and I had some ideas up my sleeve, I wrote it while I still had some inspiration to do so. I believe part two is still readable and understandable without knowing the events of part one, but some of the dialogue might seem weird, especially the talks that are based on previous events, so reading part one first would be advised. Also, even thought I’m still no medical expert, big thanks to my friend Aleksa who managed to answer to all of my very stupid questions about wounds, chances of survival in different cases of getting injured and what not else. I’m very glad I have smart friends who can prevent me from making stupid mistakes while writing, because I know none of this medicine stuff.

THIS IS PART 2 // PART 1 CAN BE FOUND HERE // PART 3 IS HERE // PART 4 IS HERE

His hand was holding yours tightly as you were walking down a small, dimly lit street, his fingers intertwined with yours. It had always amazed you how cold his hands were, and how you could never warm them up even if just a little bit. After all, he was a cold-hearted and cold-blooded gang leader, so maybe everything about him had to scream out "cold", even his hands. There were only few people who didn't view him according to this description, and you knew better than to be a fool just like many others who thought Kim Himchan was nothing but a tactical, intelligent bad guy, just like the ones always shown in the movies. Heartless and reckless, thinking about nothing but money and saving his own skin and bones. Yeah.. None of that was him.

He glanced over at you, barely turning his head so you wouldn't notice his sneaky stares. He'd bought you another dress, this time getting absolutely everything right - the color, the shape, the size. He was amazed by how well it suited you, and how only you managed to make the dress look better than it was before and not vice verse as it usually happened to other girls. Your necklace reflected light from the street lamps, shining brightly against your baby soft skin, and he had to try his hardest in order not to pull you into his arms in the middle if the street and bury his face in your chest, telling you how beautiful you were and how glad he was he had you. Your head was tilted up to face the sky, and recently you'd been gifting him with his favorite sight in the world, a sight he used to see only occasionally, but nowadays was able to witness more often than ever before - your smile. "What's so special about her anyways?" Jongup's words kept echoing through his head at moments like these, and he always ignored them because he really didn't know the answer. For some reason, from when he first saw you, his perception of women suddenly changed from what it used to be. They'd always been beautiful creatures to him that he never gave in to, and never thought of getting in business or contact with because his work made it hard and challenging to do so. But from your first encounter on he started dividing them into two groups. There were you, and then there was everyone else. Everyone else could go away and continue living their own lives, but he had to have you, because you were different. You'd caught his eye, and since no one's ever done it prior to you, you had to be special. You had to be his. "You seem rather happy today," you heard him say, and saw him smiling down at you as you both took a right turn, walking down another street, "In fact, you seem rather happy in the past time as a whole..." "You know, since you started taking me out more often, I'm kind of getting used to this new life.. Don't get me wrong, I still don't like it," his face shifted a bit as you said that right to his face, but he understood and respected your point of view, "But.. It's become... Bearable..." "I'm glad, (Y/N). I want you to be happy," he said, and continued walking, only to add to himself after a second, "Together with me." He was messed up in the head, but not messed up enough to have forgotten how to love. He shut the apartment door, making sure it was safe and locked, turning to you right after. You'd taken off your shoes already at that point, and he, being the gentleman he was, helped you to take off your coat. "We skipped learning today, but don't worry, we'll do it tomorrow. Tonight just relax, we've been walking a lot. You must be tired," he said, going into the living room and making himself comfortable on the couch. "Channie, I still don't understand. Why are you so eager to teach me first aid and the basics of treating all types of wounds in first place?" you walked into the room and stood in front of him, a questioning look in your eyes. He was leaning against the pillows with his arms resting on them, like the true king of this place that he was. A smirk escaped him as he eyed you up and down, and you suddenly recalled how uncomfortable that used to make you feel in the past. Now you'd gotten used to the fact he couldn't tear his eyes off of you at most times, and you'd learned to tolerate all types of stares, even thought you preferred the loving ones to the hungry ones. "Oh, baby. Are you scared something bad might happen to your man?" he asked, chuckling a little. You snapped back to reality, realizing that was literally what was going inside your head ever since he told you to learn the very basics of medicine, but you weren’t going to admit it. Not to him, and even less to yourself. "I mean, why else would you want me to learn how to properly clean off cuts and even how to treat bullet wounds?" you asked, surprised at how nervous your voice came out, "If it wasn't for the fact something bad might happen soon, you'd rather want me to learn how to dance, or how to play an instrument or something, right? I bet your sick, twisted mind would love to see me putting a show on, just for you and your entertainment..." You made him chuckle with that statement, and within seconds he gestured for you to sit next to him. You did as told, leaning your body against his as he lazily adjusted you into the position he wanted you to be in with one swift move of his hand. "You're learning just in case, don't worry. I have my ties and people who could stitch me or one of the guys up if there really was the need to, and you know that, but I like making sure we always have a plan B by hand if things don't go as planned," he mumbled into your ear, and you felt his nose brushing against the side of your head. "Don't the guys know first aid?" "I know a little, and Yongguk used to know too, but he hadn't done it in so long that I'm afraid he wouldn't be able to do it now if it really came down to that. If you only knew how much time I've spent with him.. If I think about it now, I've probably known him for the biggest part of my life.." he paused a bit, the memories seemingly fading back to him. You rested your head somewhere on his shoulder, and patiently waited for the story he was about to tell, as if there was one thing you liked to hear him talking about, it was his past, as that was another way to get to know him better and understand what had lead him to be in the position he was in nowadays. "He only looks reckless and fearless. In fact, when he sees blood that isn't the enemy's, he starts completely flipping out and worrying too much. I remember the old days, oh God. Just me and him, trying to survive in this cold, unfair world that showed no mercy to such little scums and lost kids like us. I barely knew how to hold a gun when I was forced into my first assignment, and I had to do it all alone because Yongguk refused to use a gun at all at first. He was too nice of a guy, too peaceful and too against violence, and it took me to get majorly hurt for him to start acting. God, that was the only time I'd ever seen him cry too, because he really thought I'd die on the spot, right in front of him, simply because he couldn't bring himself to shoot when I needed backup..." Silence filled the room for a bit, and as he wanted to say something, you spoke up instead, cutting him off. "Is that what the scar on your left side is from...?" "I never knew you were so observant," he smirked, his tone indicating he was a little proud and more than pleased that you'd noticed, "Say, babe, how many more of my scars have you seen out of plain curiosity?" What did he think you were supposed to do when on hot summer nights he refused to sleep with a blanket on, lying in bed with only a pair of boxer shorts to cover him? Yes, you were curious, and you had to admit you'd seen and even traced some of his scars with your fingers, thinking of possibilities how he could've gotten them or how much it hurt when the object came into contact with his body, leaving nothing but a mark as a sign that it's been there at some point behind. "I don't know how many, you have a lot of them. Please don't get any more," you quietly said, burying your face in his shoulder. One of your hands was placed on his chest this whole time, and you clearly felt his heartbeat increasing a bit. "I sadly can't promise that, baby, but I'm glad to see you're worried about me.." he said, letting silence hang over your heads, accompanied by your quiet breathing.  "Hey, (Y/N)?" he suddenly asked, not really waiting for a response in order to continue, "what would you do if at some point I simply wouldn't come back home?" You froze on the spot, and he immediately noticed, letting his hand caress your arm gently.  "Just in theory," he added, more than certain that didn't lighten the situation, but at least made his statement a little clearer. To be honest, you had no clue. What would you do if he died and never came back? He left home every morning, telling you he'd be back soon and that you shouldn't miss him too much or worry about him, because he knew what he was doing. You remember that early on you were too scared to literally think anything about that statement. He was still a stranger, and you knew less than nothing about him, so only being able to judge by his lifestyle you were simply scared. Then came a point when you silently wished he wouldn't come back. You didn't necessarily want him dead, but his presence, his sweet words and good treatment, was something that bothered you, something that irritated you and made your blood boil, because you had to tolerate him against your own will, if you wanted it or not. In the past time though, when you were forced to face the fact that you couldn't possibly escape him, especially after an unsuccessful attempt to leave him and the country a little less than half a year ago, you started getting used to this life you were leading along his side. He'd successfully made himself king of your universe, and, as days passed, you felt yourself becoming more and more attached to him, not only requiring the physical protection he could offer you, but wanting his attention when it came to being his lover. You were... falling for him completely. What if he died? Where would you go, and who would keep you safe? Even if Himchan would be dead, maybe the others wouldn't, and you knew details the enemies could use against them. What if you got caught by somebody and tortured to death, because you'd definitely refuse to spill details? Or even worse.. What if the others, instead of taking you in like Himchan did long ago, would turn their backs to you, not sparing a single thought on the fact you were practically one of them now, setting a bullet in your head because of trust issues? "That was the only time I ever saw Yongguk cry, because at that point, he had no one but me in his life. I was his only friend, and he couldn't stand two facts - the fact he'd have to do this on his own from then on, but over that, the fact that a person as good as me would pass a such a young age, not having lived life properly yet..." "... Would you cry, babe?" he asked silently, feeling you slightly moving in your position. Reflexes made you snuggle a little closer to his side and grip on his shirt, tensing your muscles. "Don't talk like this, please-" "I think you would," he interrupted, tilting his head and trying to look at your face, "Question is, would you cry from sadness and devastation because your lover passed away, or would you shed happy tears because you'd finally be free?" "Channie, no, don't say that..." But apparently he didn't want to hear anything anymore. He got off the couch, gently holding your frame and placing you back down in a lying position as he threw you a last loving but slightly pained stare and exited the room, seemingly heading to the study. You stayed there, speechless and without emotion at first, until a lone tear finally escaped you and fell on the couch. Why was it him who always made you cry? He'd flipped your whole world upside down, making strict rules and having everything go his way for such a long time already. You had your reasons to be mad and to have a desire to disobey, but.. Why is it that he made you so conflicted between wanting to love him and wanting to hate him? Why did he say such things when he clearly saw you were giving into your feelings for him more and more with every passing day? In the past, even just a few months ago.. Even then you wouldn't be able to shed happy tears because of his death. Why did he talk about it so calmly, and why did he make you feel so bad about him, yourself, and your relationship, whatever it may be, as a whole? Why on earth did he make it out to be like you didn't care, even though you did? "Hey, are you still-.... a-awake...?" he walked back into the room after half an hour, just to see you curled up on the sofa, with tears straining your cheeks and your eyes blankly staring into the distance. "Hey.. Baby, I didn't mean it.." he said, cautiously taking a few steps into your direction. "You sure sounded like you meant it.." you simply said, sniffing and letting another tear drop down on the sofa. He picked you up, and held you close to his chest, carrying you into the bedroom and putting you down on the bed. You let him take off your shirt, and were surprised when he put one of his older t-shirts on you instead of your sleeping shirt. You changed into a pair of shorts as he undressed for bed himself, and soon you felt him pulling you back by your waist and under the covers, turning you to face him as his arms were loosely hanging around you. "I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean to make you cry..." he pierced through you with his gaze, searching for forgiveness in the stare you directed at him. "Just don't dare say anything like this again, or I might actually consider shedding happy tears when you die," you told him, wanting to sound dead serious but sounding hurt instead. "Don't worry, it won't come to that, someone has to take care of you, so I'll stay around," he leaned it, teasing you a little with his closeness before carefully and gracefully capturing your mouth with his, proving once again he always knew how to leave a deep, long-lasting tingling and sensation on your lips after one of his kisses, "Because I love you. And I'm still waiting for you to fully love me back..." ".. We could buy a piano, actually, if you want to. I used to play it long ago, and could maybe even remember a few easy melodies. What do you think about playing duets with me, hmm?" he said after a while and smiled a bit, remembering that part of your previous conversation. He made himself comfortable, nuzzling his head against yours, and you simply nodded in response. "I'd love to, Channie..." "In that case, let me see what I can do about it, but tomorrow. Today's been a long day, and I want to sleep before doing anything else. Goodnight, babe..." "Good night, Channie..." Everything continued just the same way it's always been. Well.. The way it's been since your attempt to leave not too long ago, at least. Himchan knew how it felt being locked away from the whole world, as in his short lifetime he's experienced more things than possibly imaginable, and being locked away in a cell for a certain amount of time was one of them. He knew that a four wall environment could drive a person insane, especially if the view behind the windows was as lovely as it was in his apartment, so he started taking you out more in the evenings. "It's not safe for you to go alone, so we'll go together," he'd always tell you, causing you to feel a mixture of gratefulness and disgust. You were glad he finally took a look at the situation from your perspective, but you were still annoyed and disgusted you couldn't go anywhere on you own. "I'm not a dog that you have to walk out on a leash every now and then, you know?" you'd scoff sometimes, spitting it right into his face, and he'd always just casually laugh it away, putting a hand under your chin and saying, "I know. You're my one and only lady who needs to be protected from a few cold-blooded bastards at every cost, so, in case you really don't want to view our nightly adventures as dates, imagine I'm your security guard or something, if that makes it any better..."

You did at first, until he started putting thought into where to take you out to. He'd surprise you with new places every other night, and you had to admit that you'd sit around at home for the whole day, waiting for him to be back in case he'd planned something for the evening. He saw you loosening up with every trip you took, and when you started repaying all of his hard work with genuine smiles, it fueled his desire to see you like that again. These trips were helping you and your emotional well-being a lot, and soon he found out you both even managed to act like an actual couple on some days, without sarcastic commentary or coldness in each other's words. You'd get a hold of his arm sometimes, or find him sitting somewhere just to snuggle close to him in order to talk, and every time something like this happened, he'd feel like he just won the lottery. You didn't really notice the change, but he did, so he stayed quiet in order to keep it this way, because there was just one thing in the whole world he was completely certain of - if you'd notice, you'd be back to acting cold, even if your heart told you to do the opposite. That's just who you were - a freedom-loving, stubborn person, who still had a hard time trying to forgive him for having locked you up in an apartment for most of your days for so, so long already.  One day, just around two months ago, he came back home with a guest. The lad looked rather young, and was a few inches taller than him, as well as skinnier. Introduced to you as simply Jihoon, he was invited into the dining room to eat dinner together with both of you. "You know, there's a reason I wanted to introduce you both to each other," Himchan said after taking a last bite, about to grab a bottle of wine and pour some for all of you. The alcohol of choice at home was always wine, as that was his favorite beverage of all alcoholic and non-acloholic ones... Right after coffee. "And that would be..?" you questioned, seeing how they looked at each other and nodded in unison. "I may not look like it, but I've been studying medicine for the astonishing amount of seven years at this point in my life already," Jihoon said, giving Himchan another look before he continued, "If you ever see a healed wound or a stitch on this guy, know that I've most likely been the one to fix that up. We've known each other since long ago, and if it wouldn't be for him, I'd probably be resting in peace somewhere deep underground instead of eating delicious homemade dinner in a nice company, place and environment tonight..." "O-okay, a doctor then. That's amazing, but I still don't understand how I could possibly be involved in.. whatever you're thinking about, I didn't quite catch on..." you looked at them, a puzzled expression on your face. "I want him to teach you a few basics," Himchan said, leaning over the table to get your glass and fill it up with the claret liquid, "You've done a good job with fixing up minimal damage in the past, and, the more successful B.A.P is getting and the higher we're rising in ranks, the higher the possibility of something bad happening gets. I know my friend Jihoon here will always be there to help, and he's got a few more people on the line who would do the same too. But I need a plan B just in case, and since you could master that easily with a bit of work, I'd be really thankful if you tried it and helped us out.." Help them out... Yeah, you could do that. But the sight of open wounds and blood pouring out of them was something you'd rather leave for someone else to see, so you flinched at the thought, making Himchan throw you a concerned glance. "(Y/N), is everything fine?" "Yeah, sure.." you said, staring at the table for a little before letting your eyes meet with Jihoon's. "I'm all in for learning, it's just that... How do you prevent yourself from fainting at the sight of a nasty looking open wound..?" A moment of silence hung over the room, and two loud, ear-piercing laughs filled the place soon enough. "Don't worry about that for now," Jihoon said after he'd calmed down, "We'll take care of that later. After a while you'll get used to it, believe me..." He'd come over with Himchan in the evenings sometimes, and would sit with you in the living room, teaching you all kinds of things while Himchan was in the study, doing some research on other things the group would need for their upcoming missions. On evenings when Jihoon didn't join you, Himchan took the responsibility of helping you with your studies. His skills were a bit rusty, but he still managed to spot most of your mistakes and help you with correcting them. The only thing you were worried about was that if it actually came to the worst case scenario and you would have to give a helping hand in order to make sure one of the members stayed alive, you wouldn't be able to act properly because you'd never done it in real life. You knew the theory, but had never done a practice round. Himchan always calmed you down, reassuring you that you were only backup and probably wouldn't ever have to use any of your knowledge anyways, and said that it if really mattered to you, you'd know what to do the moment you saw the situation. "It all suddenly changes when you see the actual situation if front of your eyes," he said while sitting next to you on the floor and giving you a glance, "I didn't know what I was doing when one of my squad members got injured for the first time long ago either, but we had a guy who knew what to do, and he told me to help. I said to him that I had knowledge, but no experience, and he just laughed, passed me some bandages and told me this would be my first experience of probably many more to come..." "He survived, by the way," Himchan added as he saw the trust issues in your eyes after he'd ended his little speech, causing you to burst out laughing. "I trust you, you know," he looked into your eyes and reached for your hand, making you go silent immediately, "And if my life was hanging on a thin thread, I'd be more than a hundred percent sure you wouldn't let me down.." "Himchan, but what if-" "No what-if's, I believe in you," he said, getting up and heading out of the room, "Let's hope I won't be your first experience and your practice subject though-" "Or any of my experiences at all.." He laughed, and stopped right in the doorway, giving you a loving look. "You care, after all. For your own safety, or for me, I don't know yet. But you care..." he disappeared, his heavy footsteps audible through the whole hallway. Today was two weeks from when he'd asked you if you'd cry in case he died, and you were standing in front of the windows, not finding any peace as the clock kept ticking and the minutes kept passing, but despite all of his earlier promises to be back on time he was nowhere to be seen.  "He's just late... I'll scold him so bad for making me worry... Oh God, Channie, where are you?" you mumbled to yourself as you stood there, toying around with the curtains and trying to hold in the tension and nervousness that was building up inside of you at an alarming rate. Loud noise snapped you out of your thoughts, and you immediately turned around, facing the living room doorway. Himchan was home, and he'd just opened the entrance door a bit too fast and too harsh, slamming it into the wall. Thank God he was here, and you had nothing to worry about anymore. "Channie, I-" you were about to give him a piece of your mind, but were cut off by the sight in front of you. "Don't question, just come with me and get in the car," Junhong said, and as you were finally able to tear away your gaze from his dirt and tears-strained face, you noticed his wounded knee and how he was dripping mud and blood all over the floor. "Junghong-ah! Calm down at first, let me help you and bandage you up at least before we head anywhere-" "Just do as I say, you don't know the whole story!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, making you flinch in fear. His anger faded away in seconds when he understood that his getup, paired up with his body build and his height, made him quite scary and intimidating, and he softened his voice as best as he could, looking you right in the eyes and breaking your heart apart with a sentence you never wanted to hear. "I wasn't the one who took two to the chest, you know... " "Junhong-ah, why are you so fucking slow, just run already!!?" you cried out in despair as tears kept streaming down your face and you were standing by his car, waiting for him as he was staying behind. "It's not like half my kneecap isn't coated with flesh anymore like it should be, you know," you heard him say through clenched teeth as he sprinted to the car, unlocking the door and getting in, barely waiting for you to close the door so he could hit the gas pedal full-force. "Junhong-ah.. I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean it, i-it's just that-" "Oh, spare it, I know more than well you didn't mean it," he said, turning the steering wheel violently and driving down the road twice the speed limit, "I was hyperbolising anyways..." "W-what happened thought, do you care to explain?" you tried to wipe your tears and stay calm, but just the thought of the scenery you'd have to face and witness soon enough made you want to pass out. "Long story short, or, well, as short as possible," he said, taking a deep breath. You could see it in his eyes - how much he was hurting, but how he pulled himself together like the young professional that he was, thinking about his friend and leader's life that could fade away at every given moment rather than his much easier treatable wound. "We were done with it for the day, we had them pinned down on their knees. We thought they were bluffing when they said that there were still members left who would take revenge, up until coordinates of one of them were sent to us. (Y/N), they were heading to get you. They knew about you, and knew where you were living. They must've spied on you and Himchan when you were out one night, and they kept coming back there until they were sure this was your home-" another sharp turn caused him to stay quiet for a bit, and you sat there, tying not to get your head smashed into the windshield and trying to cope with the knot in your chest. "I've never seen Himchan go havoc, not until today. Eveyone who wasn't in our gang was dead on the spot, and before any of us could blink he was in the car, turning on the ignition and swearing for us to get there in seconds or he'd handle it on his own. Long story short, there were eight of them, and they'd made it far enough already as we approached. One was hit by our car, and another one shot on the spot by Himchan before any of us could blink. It got.. ugly, to say the least... and all seemed to go just a little bit more in our favor than theirs, until Daehyun got in the way..." "... And Himchan always puts our lives before his own.." Silence hung over the car, and Junhong looked over to the passenger's seat to make sure you were as alright as you could be in this situation. "(Y/N)-" "That was one to the chest. Where did the other one come from?" he heard your barely audible voice, and thought hard if he should answer.  "(Y/N).... (Y/N), I'm sorry, I thought I could help him by at least getting him away from the middle of the gunfight, and I almost did, but..." "You missed a bullet..." "... And he moved just in time to take it for me..." Your silent cries filled the car, your shaky breaths and the squeaking sound of tires on the asphalt being the only things audible in the otherwise silent environment. "Listen, I won't lie. It doesn't look good, but.. He's strong, and he should manage. I'm taking you to Jihoon hyung's place now, a.k.a. B.A.P's little private clinic we've unfortunately been forced to visit a few times in the past already. Jihoon knows what he's doing, but if he does it on his own, he might not be quick enough and might not make it in time. With another pair of helping hands though, you might just make it.. " It took another few chaotic turns and two more minutes of Junhong's already-not-good-in-everyday-situations-and-even-worse-at-moments-like-these driving to get to the final destination, and you got out of the car in milliseconds, this time around remembering he was wounded and needed some help. Junhong was holding on as brave as ever, and didn't waste any time, gladly accepting your help and support and leading you into the right direction as you ran into the building, taking three steps up the staircase at a time. You froze in the doorway, with a panting Junhong running up just seconds later behind you.  "Jihoon hyung, we're here!" Junhong called just to trigger a "Here!" from a room that was located all the way down the hallway and to the right. You left Junhong alone in the hallway, spotting the rest of the guys in another room to your left as you passed by.  There he was. Laid down on the bed, his eyes directed at the ceiling. His face displayed just how much he was hurting, but despite the pain he was still fully conscious, even mumbling something under his breath through clenched teeth. "Channie.." his eyes widened at the oh so familiar, barely audible voice, and he tried to look your way, but couldn't move in order to do that, instead furrowing his brows and clenching his teeth in pain. "Himchan, are you stupid? I know you're glad your last hope is here but I told you to stay still and stop moving, didn't I?!" Jihoon angrily snapped at him, and gestured for you to come closer to him. Your stare abandoned Himchan and his wounded body, and, trying to hold back your tears, you ran forwards to Jihoon, clearly listening to his further instructions of what you had to do and obeying everything he had to say and told you to do. "Okay, mister too-tuff-to-fall-unconscious-already. Any last words before I make you drift off to sleep, hopefully for just a few hours?" Jihoon checked the needle, ready to inject some much needed medication into Himchan's vein. Himchan turned his head lightly to face you, and gave you a broken smile. "I guess this is practice round, baby, right? Don't mess up.." "Stop grinning, you idiot! I swear, I'll kill you if you die!" you cried out, still unable to fully take in the horrible sight in front of you, but trying to pull yourself together in order to be able to give a hundred percent of your work and knowledge to keep him alive. "Baby, that's not how death works," he chuckled a little, wincing in pain as he felt his consciousness slowly fading and drifting away. "Kim Himchan, I swear I'll join her to kill you if you don't shut up now," Jihoon said as apparently Himchan was testing his nerves. You wondered how the hell they managed to stay this calm in a life-and-death situation like this, and Himchan's last words before he drifted off to sleep were the only thing that snapped you back to reality. "I trust you, (Y/N), with all of my heart... " Good thing that the heart he was talking about just minutes ago wasn't damaged, nor were any arteries or anything that would send him straight into the heavens or rather the hell in just a few minutes. You watched Jihoon's professionalism and calmness as he casually performed an operation that was already quite hard to do in the hospital at home, on the bed he probably slept in every night, unless he was stitching up his unfortunate friends on it. He acted fast and his facial expression showed no stress or fear of doing wrong. His instructions were clear and short, in fact, he didn't speak much. You watched the job getting done, passing the guy who didn't look like much but was actually a skilled doctor all of the needed things back and forth, obeying every single one of his commands and trying your best to do everything just like it had to be done and like he told you to do. When the two damned bullets lied somewhere nearby in a crystal white bowl and all of the blood was wiped away from Himchan's pale, soft skin, the bruises he'd gotten just recently bandaged up tightly and neatly, you let out a shaky breath, glancing at the clock and finding it to be half past two AM already. You'd spent a solid two and a half hours here, maybe even more than that, and you hadn't even noticed.  It was... over. Finally... "(Y/N)?!" you heard Jihoon call as your knees slowly gave up on you and you slid to the ground, taking off your gloves that still had some blood on them and throwing them somewhere nearby on the ground. "Hold on for a bit, I'll get the rubbing alcohol.. Just don't faint, there's still five other idiots in the other room with less serious wounds, but still requiring medical attention nonetheless-" "He'll be fine, right?" you looked up at Jihoon with a dazed stare, the look in your eyes pleading for a positive answer, "Himchan will be fine.." "(Y/N)-" “I still have his blood on my arms, even though I wore gloves,” you said as you noticed you indeed had some splatters of it near your elbow, “His blood, Jihoon, do you hear? It’s not supposed to be on my skin, it’s supposed to be in his veins...” “(Y/N), listen-” 

“I remember flinching back then when he came to me more than a year ago with a rather small cut on his arm, asking me to bandage it up. I never thought I’d be pulling bullets out of his chest at two AM with my glass heart and no medical knowledge whatsoever-” 

“(Y/N),” he stepped a little closer, looking you right in the eyes and finally catching your attention, "If there's one person who will never leave this apartment in a dead state, it is Kim Himchan. He's got too much potential, responsibilities and ambitions to let himself fade away, and since he took you in, I've never seen him clinging onto life more than he's doing it now. He’s got a reason to live now, you know.. " Yongguk and Youngjae were the one who helped you to get Himchan back home, as they'd suffered the least injuries - only a few cuts and bruises. Junhong's knee was the second nastiest injury, and, as you'd helped everyone else by following Jihoon's instructions as closely as possible and treating their wounds with extra care, and as you were leaving to get back home, Jihoon was still working to fix it up. "Junhong-ah.. Sorry for screaming at you previously and making you run around that much.." "No worries," he smiled at you a little, "I'll be back on my feet in no time." "On your foot," Jihoon quickly corrected, "At least for the next few weeks." It was mid-night, so you didn't have to worry about anyone seeing you. Himchan was brought into the bedroom and carefully placed on the bed. You escorted Youngjae and Yongguk back to the entrance door, saying your goodbyes to both of them and thanking them for their help when Yongguk suddenly placed a hand on your arm. "Thank you," he simply said, and, knowing him and how quiet he usually was, this was the biggest compliment anyone could receive from him - his gratitude in the form of those two words. You stayed by Himchan's for side the whole night, lying beside him and gently stroking his unconscious frame. It was going to be hard and painful, but.. Jihoon said he'd manage, and all you could do at that point was hope he wasn't wrong. Himchan had to manage, because without him, you weren't too sure you'd manage yourself.. You found yourself shedding tears again, and cursed under your breath. He was the reason you felt bad and cried again, and you hated yourself for loving him. Loving him.. At this point it was undeniable, wasn’t it? If you didn't love him, you wouldn't have gone to such extents. You wouldn't have pulled yourself together enough to help him, and you wouldn't have even tried in first place. You wouldn't be here crying hard over the fact he was hurt, you simply wouldn't care. But you were here, by his side, not like he told you to do, but like you decided you wanted to do. You were here not because he forced you to, but because you wanted to. The keys to the door were on the commode now, and no one would be able to stop you if you walked out of the apartment and never came back. It would be weeks until he'd be capable of moving again, and by then you could be far away already. The other's wouldn't act at all, or, even if they would, they simply wouldn't be quick enough. Tonight was your chance if you still wanted to leave, as nothing was holding you back. You had the money, the ability, the freedom.. Thing is... you didn't want to leave. Not while the person who saved you was in this state, and not while you loved him as much as he loved you. His eyes slowly opened early in the morning, and you immediately called up Jihoon to know exactly how to take care of him. He tried to joke around, and tried to do smart talk, but there was nothing but clear exhaustion in his voice, so instead of listening and answering you simply shut him up, making him rest as much as possible. The whole next week he spent in bed, cuddled up by blankets and your never ending attention. Because of the horrible pain he was rather asleep than awake most of the times, and the only time you found him to be fully awake and ready for conversation was a week after the faithful incident had happened. You'd gone out the house together with Jongup to go and get some much needed supply of medication that was running low in your apartment, when you heard him say. "I think I finally figured out what was so special about you that he was ready to throw his life away on the spot back then when he first saw you..." You were already used to this manner of speech that Jongup used, and took it as a compliment, waiting for his conclusion. "It did take you long enough, but you were actually crazy enough to be locked away by him and despite all of that fall in love with him.." "You make it sound like prison, don't do that, Yup," you told him as he escorted you to your door, proud at how this harmless nickname you'd given him irritated him slightly more and more every time you used it. "I'm glad, to be honest," he said, stopping when you'd reached the door, "Keep an eye on him, as we still need him not only as a member and leader, but as a friend. He can get weirder than me at times, so beware." "I doubt that's a thing, but I sure will. Thanks for your help," you said, and made your way into the apartment, taking off your outerwear and heading straight to the bedroom. You made it to the doorway, and stopped. "Channie, are you stupid?! Lie back down!!" you screamed at him and ran towards the bed. "(Y/N), don't worry, I feel much better today than any previous day," he was sitting up straight on the edge of the bed, smiling up at you. You relaxed a bit, and slowed down, gently sitting down on the bed beside him. "For real?" "Have I ever lied to you?" he tilted his head, and you chuckled. For a mafia leader he sure could look hella cute if he wanted to. "If I think about it now.. Yes, yes you have. You told me you'd have to get rid of me if I ever tried to escape you... But you didn't..." You almost hadn't noticed how his hand that was previously next to yours gently slid on top of your hand, his touch, as cold as always, sending shivers up you arm. "You're not the one to complain here. You were lying for a total of one and half years to me, telling me you loved me every single day even thought you never truly did." "I was lying, or I have been lying?" you raised a brow at him, "What makes you think you have the right to talk about the situation in a past tense? Do you really think things have changed-" "Haven't they?" he cut you off and gave you a genuine, challenging look as nothing but silence followed. He looked so pure. Smiling at you with a picture perfect smile, his pale skin seemingly filling the dimly lit room with a faint, unusual glow. He wasn't nowhere near bad, no matter how many bad things he'd done in life, you were certain of it. He only fought for his own survival since a very young age, and, even more than that, the survival and well-being of the people he cared about and loved the most. Including you. "Stop staring and just kiss me already," he chuckled and snapped you back to reality, making you realize that this whole time you were looking at his lips. "Like you told me to?" you tilted you head a little, "Or like I want to?" "The latter, please," he said, letting you place a hand on his cheek and pull his face a little closer. You'd kissed many times before, too many to count, and even though in the past months your relationship's only been going up, this was the first time you truly felt it. The desire to capture all of him, and the refusal of letting him go. It suddenly made sense, how well your lips clipped together and how his kissing style and intensity was just the way you liked it. How soft his hair felt when you tangled your hand in it, and how much you wanted him to simply stay where he was for as long as possible, not only because you couldn't deny how well-shaped and desirable his body was when it moved against yours, but because you'd completely fallen for him and his caring personality. "Why is it that I always have to get severely hurt in order to make someone realize they need me in their lives?" he said when you pulled away, biting his lip lightly and smiling at you, his eyelids heavy and his stare as dreamy as ever. "At least I admit it now, be glad, and be happy that the people you love feel the same way about you, always having your back when you need it the most," you made him chuckle, and he tilted his head down for a second. "Babe?" he looked back at you, surprised at your way of calling him, as you never called him anything other that “Channie”. "When you get better... " you bit your lip, gathering enough courage to look straight into his eyes, "How about I fulfill that promise I made back then?" He smiled, and instead of telling you anything really, leaned in to kiss you again. "I can't believe it... You love me.." he said in between kisses, making you laugh lightly and chuckle. He sounded like a kid who saw snow for the first time and couldn't believe it was a real thing, and only now you truly realized how this was the moment he's been working so hard to experience for the past one and a half years. "Enough is enough, Channie. Get back in bed if you want to experience more of my true, genuine love, or otherwise I'll give you the silent treatment," you said, helping him get back into a lying position and giving him the regular everyday treatment he got from you every single day now. "As you wish, baby. I'll do it, just like you told me to," he teased, falling asleep soon enough again because of the side effects of his medicine that made him sleep in order to mend the pain.  Kim Himchan, the fearless leader of B.A.P, or Kim Himchan, the pitiful leader who was forced to stay in bed for quite a while now? Who cared? He knew he didn’t, and he knew you didn’t either. B.A.P, for the nearest future, had Yongguk, who unwillingly agreed to lead until Himchan was capable of taking over again, so they wouldn’t get lost anytime soon. And Himchan? He had you - his very, very soon-to-be wife, and the person who he’d saved once just to be saved by less than two years later in return. 

He knew exactly what he wanted to do now while he was forced to spend his days home in order to recover. He’d buy a piano, and he’d teach you a few things about music so you could play duets with him. He’d spend time being cuddled up in your arms, and he’d make sure he savored every bit of your love and affection he could, as apparently he’d managed to get it all now.

And right after that, when the holes in his chest turn into nothing but scars, he’ll take you down the aisle and finally marry you, since, even though it took you one and a half years, an attempt to run away and a near-death experience of his to realize it, you finally loved him just the same way he loved you, and that was all that mattered.

[szopenhauer]

What is the reason you last got a new cell phone? because I needed phone with internet connection 

Are you more masculine or feminine? dunno, smth in between?

Which name have you kissed the most people with? I only kissed one person in my entire life

Do you enjoy All You Can Eat buffets? yes

Have you ever seen the band/artist you’re listening to live? I didn’t attend any Momomoyouth concerts

Last thing you printed off a computer? short story that I’ve written

Last thing you threw in the garbage? not sure what was last

Last black person you hugged? I saw few black people but never even had a chance to talk to them

Is life hard? for me it is, I know some people have it worse but still

Who does the song you’re listening to remind you of? nothing, I just enjoy it

Have you ever had anything pierced that isn’t anymore? never had anything pierced ever

Would you consider yourself “tough”? it’s complicated 

Headphones or earbuds? headphones

Do you support freedom of speech? I think some stuff should be censored like bullying

Are you ever told you are too opinionated? maybe 

Do you hold grudges for long? sometimes

What’s in your garden/backyard? you mean plants or other stuff like furniture or decor?

Do you own a purple pillow? nope

Do you have a brown blanket? nah

Do you think diamonds, stars or hearts are prettier? stars

Have you ever overflown a bath? noooo

Do you appreciate brutal honesty? not brutal but I appreciate honesty in general most of the time

When was the last time you ate meat? yesterday

Have your parents met your gf/exes? they met my current gf and my ex S.

How about your gf’s parents? Met them? I met my current gf’s parents 

Do you feel uncomfortable easily? kinda

Do you know how to say I love you in at least 4 languages? yup

What age will you be when you times your current age by two? 56

Do you find the sound of a cats purr relaxing? hmm...

Are you in a simple or complex mood? complex

Do you know your Mum’s first pets name? I need to ask my mom’s guinea pigs’ name :o

*she doesn’t remember

Do you like car racing? playing car racing games, don’t like to brag but I’m very good at it actually 

What is your closest uncle/aunt called? to me it’s my aunt Alicja (Alice)

Do you wear underwear to bed? when I have my period to have extra protection

Do you get angry, depressed or nervous more? all at once

What is something obvious about you that everyone notices? that I’m short 

Would you ever get a heart tattoo or your back? what for?

Do you like Sapphires? I don’t

What about you do you think your friends dislike? ask them

Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? (assuming you want any) I don’t want any and would allow but no sex! at least use protection or birth control

What’s something about adult life you were never warned of or prepared for? amount of illnesses for example

How often do you wash your car? I don’t have a car

Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? fb messanger

Do you find it easy to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes? I believe

Have you ever kissed a smoker? I have not

If you won the lottery, do you think any of your family members would ask you to give them some of your money? my parents wouldn’t have to ask :)

What is the craziest thing you’ve seen happen at your workplace? crazy is that one of the coworkers actually disappeared - he left his stuff and didn’t took the money for the job - he was never found 

Have you ever disliked a book so much that you didn’t finish it? many times

Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today? hope so

A word that describes you, starting with the last letter of your last name?: asexual

What is the age difference between the last two people you kissed romantically?: -

How many hours have you worked this month?: zero

How did you or whoever come up with the name(s) for your pet(s): he was fattest among his siblings as a puppy and used to eat a lot later too, he even ate roof of his house lmfao

Last time you washed your hair?: Monday’s night

What is your weight?: about 40 kg, I didn’t check recently

Last article of clothing you purchased?: dad bought a hoode NOT INTERESTED for me in second hand because I cold so cold yesterday but I worry I still got a flu :(

Last electronic you purchased?: powerbank from what I remember

What is your blood type?: no idea

Who did you last walk a dog with?: my dad, we always go together for walks because it’s quite dangerous to wander alone around the forest

Ride bikes with?: same

For what reason did you last high five someone?: I virtually high fives my gf because we agreed on smth

Are you emotional? I’m more analytical/logical/overthinker but I still am very emotional Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? ... Have you ever noticed the hidden adult jokes inside of kid shows/movies? in Shrek, the one about penis

Do you sin often? only God knows What do you think happens after you die? we have a funeral :P Are you afraid to die? I’m afraid of looking stupid and people laughing, being a burden, others trying to save me (or me trying to save myself of course) and failing, someone stealing my stuff while I’m unconscious, suffering for a long time, waking up in a casket, going to hell etc. If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? YES Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough? I’m not enough and yet too much if you know what I mean Are you jealous of your siblings? I am, she’s lucky, normal

Are you always wanting more? I want more than I have but not as much as people usually want - I want health and enough money to not just barely survive but I don’t dream about career, kids, big house, fame, talents, travelling, beauty, long life etc. Do you make good first impressions? pfft Do you consider yourself guarded?  it seems Do you like animals? majority but still wouldn’t want to own them 

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? absolutely, too many meds are causing more problems than help and the fact lots of them are sold without prescription makes me angry and sad Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you’re losing all control? I don’t drink because I don’t like the taste/smell and the consequences - losing control is one of them but also hangover and puking for examples Do you think the internet is dangerous? almost everything can be

Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? women are pressured more to be attractive Do you care what impression you make on people? not much Honestly, do you say racist things? nah Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? not really Do you think people overreact when their pets die? not usually

Has anyone ever told you they needed space? that’s what I say!

Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocalypse? smth similar 

Do you get offended really easily? I’m pretty sensitive

Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? not wall, furniture

Ever been turned down in a really mean way? in my opinion that was hurtful

Are you ticklish? I am and hate that about me

Do you currently have a pair of UGG boots? I use them as slippers during winter :3

When was the last time you had a stomach ache? morning

Have you ever been to a circus? at least once <3

Does drama seem to follow you everywhere you go? I live in a drama movie Do you ever regret giving your number to people? regretted Have you ever been told that you’re afraid of your own shadow? fuck you! Have you ever tried Gouda cheese? obvi Do you still watch South Park? I never did You’re babysitting, what do you expect per hour for pay? been doing it for free :( What’s the last thing you returned at a store? tried to return computer and even tho it was on guarantee they didn’t fix it, it didn’t work from the start and it’s only getting worse >.< Do you still look at clouds and make shapes of them? it’s so much fun! :D If you had to dye your hair for one year, what color would you pick? green What’s your television addiction? non existent Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? 4 hours of root canal without anesthesia Do you make your own jewelry or clothing? tried but I’m bad at it Do you use drawing to describe what you’re feeling? preffered collages  Do you give everything you do 100%? I half ass majority of the things I do

If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be? raccoon? XD  actually a bird I guess One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark? somewhere I could fall down like from the roof or into a deep hole and where are sharp objects etc. Are you claustrophobic? just my head is, I’m scared to be stuck in smth with my head, I know it’s strange If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind? I just want a good life... but never come back would be a better option - no more death  Easiest way to scare you? jump scares What was your last nightmare about? personal

Do you own any knee-high boots? no longer Have you ever kissed a dog on the mouth? disgusting!

How many squares of toilet paper do you use at a time? 2-3 Have you ever had acupuncture done to you? heard you can get ill outta that Do you play hopscotch? played a bit as a child Are you jealous of beautiful people? rarely  Are you foolish and naive? I try my best not to be yet end up being fooled at times anyway Do you play with the food on your plate? my mom does and that annoys me When you were born was the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck? luckily not Have you ever taken a mud bath? no thx Do you have nude photos of yourself posted on the internet? I didn’t even really took any to begin with Are you considered “normal”?

Do you want to skydive? nah Have you ever been told that you talk too much? and not enough, you can’t please anyone

What’s the latest youtube channel you’ve discovered and binge-watched?   https://www.youtube.com/c/naomijon/videos

Do you think your hair looks better long or short? it’s ugly 

Do you look best with or without bangs?   I prefer no bangs

Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? I like filters sometimes but not editing

Which season do you wish would last longer?   summer

Haw many outdoor birthday parties have you had?   none, sadly, my birthday is during winter so I can’t 

How much taller or shorter are you than your mom?   like 10 cm taller even tho I’m so tiny

Do you have neat handwriting? r u kidding?...

Would you rather hike a mountain or dive into the sea?   hike

Which Barbie doll was your favorite? that one I slept with and broke her neck but I loved my Ken as much (and broke his legs but my dad fixed him) - that’s unusual as those are the only toys I actually ever broke (not counting my fav stuffed animal that lost it’s head but my mom sewed it back) and not because I didn’t care for them like some kids but because I loved them 

Do you prefer cheetah or zebra print, polka dots, paisleys, plaid, stripes or stars? animal prints are ok at times, paisley and some kinds of plaid too but I love stripes and stars and hate polka dots 

Do you like your natural hair color? whatever

Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid?   later in life I wanted to become an actress 

Have you ever been to a gynecologist? several times and I regret that

Do you use the Bitmoji app on your phone? used to

Do you get on facebook every day? yep

Would you ever consider naming a child after a family member?   not that I want to have kids but yes

List three names that sound similar to your name.   apparently Zosia is similar to Zuzia but also Anna as it’s part of Zuzanna

What were you almost named?   Lilia (Lily)

What does your name mean? same hahaha

Do you have any symptoms of COVID-19 right now? luckily not

Have you made your own mask to help prevent the spread of the virus?   my mom is making those

Do you ever wish you had someone to hug?   I have someone to hug

[unicornforcewinds]

WAM Chapters 5 & 6

The Wolf and the Mermaid: Solas is a forensic financial investigator, and Lavellan is a mermaid performer with a mysterious past. Fluff, Smut, Angst, and lots of Drama. Solas POV.

Chapters 1 & 2.    Chapters 3&4.    Fic on AO3.

Chapter 5: Dinner at Varric’s

Leliana 6:43 I have time later tonight if you want to arrange a meet?

Solas 6:44 Dinner should be concluded before ten.

Leliana 6:47 Then we’ll say 10:30? Sounds like a plan. Try to have a good time! (◠‿◠✿)

Solas 6:50 I really wish you would not do that.

Leliana 6:51 >‿‿◕

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. She’d been doing this, every time they texted, an adult woman. What had he done to deserve this? He wondered if perhaps he had done something terrible in a previous life and was paying for it now, genocide perhaps? It wasn’t the sort of thing he believed in, but it seemed the only plausible explanation. In his current mood, going to Varric’s was the last thing he wanted to do.

Varric was an author whose family connections bordered on notorious. He insisted on giving everyone nicknames, with or without their consent. Solas had, of course, been of the latter group. Recently, Varric and Cassandra had bought a loft and moved in together, which made no sense to him because they were constantly fighting. Honestly, he wasn’t sure that they even liked each other. When they got into one of their not so little arguments, it made being in their company incredibly uncomfortable. He questioned his own sanity as he drove. Why was everyone he knew so keen on forcing him into things he didn’t want to do, and why did he let them?

The elevator ride felt like limbo, him standing there with his bottle of wine, waiting to enter the gates of hell. He really hoped this would be one of their good days, or that at least they’d have the decency to rein themselves in for company. It was not a realistic hope, but he was clinging to it for dear life, hesitating momentarily before giving the door a gentle rap.

��Be right there!” He heard Varric call distantly, the lock clicking and door opening shortly after.

“Hellooo, Chuckles!” Varric greeted, standing aside to let him through. “We had a pot going for whether or not you’d show up. Looks like I just won fifty silver.”

Solas looked at him, unamused, which just made him laugh. “Everyone’s already here, except for Blondie, so I guess we can eat! He’s always late anyway.”

Solas said nothing, following him into the dining room. Three people were sitting at the table, Cassandra, at one end, and two people with their backs to him. One, a woman, he recognized as Josephine, and the man, her new paramour. As he rounded the corner, he recognized him as Ellana's handler from the garden party. It was like she was haunting him, the next worse thing to her being here herself! He trained his features and took a seat.

“Solas,” Cassandra greeted him plainly, offering a nod.

“Oh hello Solas, it’s so nice to see you,” Josephine mused happily, “let me introduce you to Blackwall.” She inclined her head in the burly man’s direction.

“I recognize you from the party, you were sharing words with a friend of mine,” his voice a little bristly.

Solas just looked at him, reproachfully.

“Oh of course, I had forgotten you were there,” Josephine interjected, attempting placation.

“You remember, Josie, Solas is looking into The Group’s problems.”

“Yes, of course. Tell me, how is the search going so far?”

“It’s a complicated case, but I’m currently investigated a promising lead that I hope will pan out.”

“You have a suspect?!” Cassandra burst out, obviously upset. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Merely a lead Cassandra, there is nothing concrete. It would be irresponsible to inform you of anything without some kind of evidence.”

“You are right, of course,” she heaved a sigh, “I just want to see this business concluded as soon as possible."

“What are we talking about?” Varric asked, coming into the dining room hauling a tray piled with serving dishes. At least he’d be eating better than at that unfortunate lunch with Dorian.

“Unfortunately nothing,” sighed Cassandra hopelessly, “I worry that I should be doing more, but what can I do? I am not clairvoyant.”

Varric set down the tray in the center of the table and walked over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Cass, Solas is the best damned financial investigator in Orlais, and as soon as he finds the thread he needs, he’ll unravel the whole mess.” She smiled at him, looking a little sad, and they kissed softly. It was actually sweet - they must be having a very good day.

About ten minutes into dinner, there was a knock on the door, Anders he assumed.

“Let yourself in,” Varric called, the sound of the door being opened followed a minute later. “We’re in here, Blondie, you’re not as late as you usually are.”

“I picked up a stray on my way here, I hope you don’t mind.”

“You are not bringing any animals into my house, not after that mess with Leliana and that blasted nug. Animals are for eating, Anders. Unless you plan to put it in the oven…”

“Oh hush, Varric,” Cassandra chided.

“I’m not cleaning it up if it goes on the floor.”

And there was that hint of the ever-present bickering.

“Don’t worry,” a soft voice offered, “I’m litter trained.”

“Flipper, is that you?” Varric called.

“What, you thought I’d let her skip out on us?” asked Anders.

“Hey, I will not be tag-teamed tonight. You’re supposed to be proud, not admonishing.”

Why did that voice sound familiar?

Anders finally made it into the dining room, trailed by a woman in a wheelchair. Her hair… her skin... It was… This was impossible!  It was Ellana… Had she injured herself?

“If you came around more often, we wouldn’t have to make up for lost time,” Varric teased.

Suddenly Solas was standing up, how had that happened? Everyone was looking at him, including her, shock spreading across her face.

“You alright Chuckles?” He said nothing.

“Hello, Solas.”

“Hello.”

“Fancy meeting you here.”

“Yes.”

“Well he’s certainly feeling talkative tonight,” Anders jeered.

“I guess I won’t need to introduce you after all,” Varric quipped, raising an eyebrow. “Go on and park her next to me, Flipper.

“Best seat in the house,” she teased, winking.

Without the contacts, her eyes were bright, shining, and exquisite. It took him a moment before regaining the ability to speak, and by that point, everyone had given up and opted to ignore him. He had noticed Anders and Blackwall exchanging a significant look when Anders went to sit down, and then the way he repeated his name after Josephine introduced them. There was something there, but he was far too distracted to piece it together. The only thing his mind was capable of, was thinking about her.

“Are you injured?” he asked, concerned.

She opened her mouth and closed it again, turning her head to the side and looking rueful. “No, I’m not injured.”

“Don’t worry Chuckles,” Varric interrupted, “Flipper here’s not injured, she’s just a cripple.”

“Varric!” Cassandra hissed.

“What?” he replied.

This was going to escalate.

“Don’t be so rude!”

“I’m not being rude, she is! That’s like saying it’s rude for someone to call me short or you angry.”

Was that last part truly necessary?

“Don’t worry Cass," Elanna laughed, "It doesn't bother me at all.”

“I am not angry!” Cassandra was near shouting now.

“Could’ve fooled me!” he yelled back.

“I didn’t mean right now, Varric! Don’t try to twist my words.”

“You just yelled that you aren’t angry. How am I twisting anything?”

Everyone was officially uncomfortable, but now the fighting was barely even registering in his brain. She was here , she knew his friends, the world was an incredibly small place, and she was actually here. Why did she hide her eyes with those contacts? He could not imagine ever tiring of the sight.

“I think perhaps we should leave,” Josephine suggested quietly, surreptitiously rising out of her chair, Blackwall following close behind.

“You know what I mean, but you’re acting like I said something else!” Cassandra hollered.

“I’m coming with you,” Anders responded in a loud whisper. “See you later, Ell.”

“Bye,” she replied, softly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He had thought Varric a better liar than that.

“Thanks for having us Cass, Varric, have a good night!” Josie called on her way out the door.

“Why must you always do this?” Cassandra’s voice getting a little quieter, here.

“What am I doing?”

Solas shook his head. They were ridiculous.

“That, right there! I need to get some air.”

“Wait, you can’t leave, you live here!”

Cassandra was heading for the door with Varric tailing her. They were a matched pair, and it was a terrible thing.

“Do you want to talk?” she asked.

“Yes.”

They went in the living room, and she positioned herself across from him when he sat on the couch. She was so beautiful.

“I’m not certain I like your shoes,” he said. She laughed, bringing her foot up closer for him to see.

“Then I withdraw my praising of your taste.”

The aforementioned footwear was lavender with a large black bow.

“Are those… lambs?”

She laughed. “Yes. Don’t judge me! I like silly shoes, sometimes.”

“And what about other times?” Did he just say that? Her eyes went wide, eyebrows raising. “ Ir abelas , sorry, I did not mean that.”

“Hmmmm,” she murmured, “ Samelava palasha braan .”

He swallowed, the room feeling very hot all the sudden. Her lips looked so inviting… No, he needed to be respectful, think about something else…

“You speak elven?”

“It goes with being Dalish. We’re taught it as children.”

She sounded a little proud, that was disappointing on a number of levels.

“Oh, you are Dalish.” His echoed, voice a bit resigned.

“Do you have a problem with the Dalish?”

“They are superstitious children clinging to myths and legends they know nothing about.” Why was it impossible for him to bite his tongue? It was the truth, but he did not wish to wound her with his tongue…

“Maybe that’s true, but what right have you to judge my people unless you’ve lived their lives or shared their experiences?”

“You are right, of course, ir abelas . I spoke out of turn.” He inclined his head, thankful she had let it go so quickly, A it could have easily ruined their conversation.

“Can I ask?” he gestured toward her.

“There’s not really much to say. I have a neurological condition that prevents me from walking, though I can still use my legs to swim.”

"I see he said," not quite certain how to respond.

“Don't say you're sorry, I'm not.”

“Should I presume that means you hear it often?”

“No sooner does someone see the chair than they’re trying to give me the Maker’s blessing.”

“I imagine that would be quite condescending.”

“Oh it is , and it’s infuriating. People can’t imagine that I could possibly love my life, chair and all. Besides, it’s what inspired me to become a mermaid.”

“How did that happen?” He found her fascinating and would gladly have listened to her talk all night.

“It’s kind of a long story. Suffice to say that it's always been my dream, but it didn't seem realistic or feasible before.”

“Why?”

“I... was a different person before, and I worried about different things. When my body forced me to change, I had to reevaluate my life."

“And you became a mermaid.”

"Exactly," she laughed, smiling beautifully. "How do you do that?"

“Do what?”

“When I talk to you, I find myself saying more than I would to someone else.”

“I will consider myself lucky then.” A first time for everything, he thought.

She rested her cheek against her shoulder, looking up at him through long lashes, and he felt irresistibly compelled. Moving forward to the edge of his seat, he pushed a few errant strands behind her ear, fingers gently brushing across her face. She tilted her head then, to push against his hand; so he obliged, cradling her face and caressing her cheek with his thumb. She reached up, taking hold of his wrist, and pressed a kiss into his palm.

His eyes shot open wide, the contact was electric; his pulse thundering violently against his ribcage. She looked at him, eyes unsure, her mouth parted slightly but making no move to speak. They stayed like that a moment, until she suddenly pulled him in for a kiss. Their faces had been close, but the position was awkward; caught by the surprise he reflexively stiffened.

“Shit, ah, I’m sorry,” she bleated, pulling back and turning her head away.

He slid off the couch then, knees on the floor in front of her, and slid his arms behind her back. He pressed his mouth to hers and began pulling her into his lap when her chair suddenly tipped forward, realization of his mistake dawning as her body crashed into his, their foreheads banging together with a loud thud. He let out a pained hiss.

“ Fenhedis,” he cursed, under his breath. “I’m sorry.”

She reached for his shoulders, trying to find purchase, and then began to push up. “Uuuunnghhh!” he groaned, her knee colliding with his groin as he moved to push her away from the sensitive area.

“Sorry!” she bleated, quickly sliding off his lap and onto the floor.

They both just stayed there for a while; he hadn’t even shifted out of the uncomfortable position he’d fallen into. The awkward tension in the air became unbearably thick as the silence dragged on. Ma delavir shan felasil, he thought, kicking himself internally.

“I think,” she muttered suddenly, “that maybe I should go.” He offered nothing in response, because he had no idea what to say. Teldirthalelan, he thought, seriously considering smacking himself in the face.

When she moved to pull herself into her chair, he didn’t look up – didn’t even move. He was stunned, numb, unable to get his bearings, and he was just letting her leave. Next time he felt like the world was punishing him, he would know why. He deserved it.

Chapter 6: A Meeting with the Arcanist

“Nothing… absolutely nothing!” Her palms smacked against the table. “But, I have not given up yet.”

“Proceed cautiously, Leliana, these people are dangerous.”

“So am I,” she glowered, hands balled into fists, “I can try asking Vivienne, but I doubt she’ll have any answers that I don’t.”

His muscles tensed. “I would prefer not to involve Madame de Fer unless absolutely necessary.”

“Hmmm, I wonder…” she looked up and to the side, considering something. “There is a hacker I’ve been hearing about recently, the Arcanist . They are very political, and I think a grand conspiracy would be right up their alley.”

“That sounds like a terrible idea.”

“I don’t disagree, but we have limited options.”

His jaw clenched again, mouth pulling down at the corners.

“I am aware.” Had it really come down to this? He normally enjoyed his work, but this was a miserable predicament. It seemed everything about tonight was doomed to failure.

“Here,” she said, scribbling something on a piece of paper and sliding it over to him, “this is the contact information I was able to find for the Arcanist , and Vivienne is always an option otherwise.”

He took the piece of paper, put it in his pocket, and began to rise.

“I’m here for you, you know.”

“Yes, thank you for the information.”

“The pain in your eyes Solas; If you want to talk ab – “

“That is unnecessary,” he said, cutting her off.

She sighed, looking wistful, and he turned to leave. He had what he’d come here for; there was nothing left to discuss.

-----

When he got to his apartment, Cole was just leaving.

“I got the phone you wanted.”

“Thank you, Cole.”

“You are sad, but won’t say why.”

“Leave it alone Cole, please.”

“I want to help.”

“You cannot.”

“You don’t know unless you try.”

“Goodnight Cole.”

“You should call her; that would make it better.” He sighed, shaking his head. He had no way of contacting her even if it was a horrible idea.

“Varric and Anders will know.”

Yes, but he would never ask them.

“For booking inquiries, please fill out the email form below.”

“What did you say Cole?” His eyes widened, looking up into what he could see of the boy’s face through a sheet of blonde hair.

“On the website,” he said, pulling out his phone to show him, eyes bright with hope.

“Goodnight Cole.”

“Goodnight,” he offered resignedly, ducking out the door.

He weighed the choices in his head and at length decided that anything had to be better than working with Madame de Fer.

-----

To: arcanist@darkweb.thedas

From: solas@wolffinancialsolutions.thedas

Subject: Assistance

Arcanist,

I am a financial investigator known in some circles as the Wolf. I tell you this because I believe it will aid you in deciding how best to respond.

A client of mine is being stolen from by a mysterious group in Tevinter whose name I prefer to leave unsaid for now. Tracking down information about this group has proved exceedingly difficult and a colleague of mine suggested that you might be able to offer assistance.

Any aid you could provide would be greatly appreciated, and you would of course be compensated for your time.

-Solas

-----

With that business handled, and while he was already sitting at the computer, he decided to pull up Ellana’s website. He was a fool for not thinking of it himself earlier. The information link was right there, at the top of the screen, but he hesitated and clicked on the gallery icon instead. It was torture to look upon her, knowing the scent of her hair and the taste of her lips, but it was made all the worse by the knowledge that he would likely never be that close to her again.

She was so beautiful it made him ache; reminding him of the now finished fresco he’d painted, that taunted him from where it lay against the wall, hidden in a stack of less interesting works. A fool, he was a fool.

He stood up with purpose and made for the kitchen, desperately in need of a very large cup of tea. It was entirely unsurprising that it did nothing to help the situation, and he quickly found himself back at his desk, clicking over to the contact screen. Pinching the space between his brows, he let out a sharp breath through his nose and began.

-----

Name:            Solas

Email:             solas@wolffinancialservices.thedas

Subject:          Apologies

Message:            

Ellana, I am unsure if this will reach you or be seen instead by an assistant. There is nothing I can say to make up for my behavior, but I would like for you to know that I am sorry.

-----

He lied in bed that night for hours awake, and when sleep finally claimed him it was restless, short, and plagued by unhappy dreams. Upon waking, he remembered only that a tentacled beast had dragged him beneath the surface of dark and violent waters; his efforts to the contrary an overwhelming failure. It was a less than pleasant beginning to the day.

He stretched his aching limbs, shoulders hunched forward as he sauntered into the pantry. When had he run out of tea? A tin normally lasted him much longer than this and he could not very well consume alcohol so early in the day. He’d have to go to the store, or perhaps Cole would be willing… no, it was better that he left the house if only for the desperate hope that it might momentarily distract his unsettled mind.

Standing in the tea section of the nearest suitable market, his phone chirruped out an email notification. With a hand hovering over the usual selection - a loose blend of elfroot and spindleweed, his mind stalled between waiting until he was home and checking it immediately. No sooner had he resolved to wait than he was reaching in his pocket and sliding the screen to unlock it. He heaved out a sigh, a mixture of relief and disappointment, at seeing a response from the Arcanist .

-----

To: solas@wolffinancialsolutions.thedas

From: arcanist@darkweb.thedas

Subject: Re: Assistance

I think we work can something out. Give me a number to reach you and I’ll text details for a meet.

-----

He wasn’t quite certain what to make of that, but he typed in the number for the burner and sent it off. Dealing with a potentially unhinged computer hacker was not something that pleased him in the slightest, but duty demanded he explore any potential source of information. Hopefully it would it not prove to be another waste of time.

He received the text during his walk back, opting to check it once he was inside the door. The address they’d sent seemed familiar but he couldn’t remember why. Seven this evening, they instructed; he supposed he was obligated to show. Nothing else to do after all, and no response from Ellana in the interim - a perilous thought that continuously wormed its way into his mind. He watched a documentary on druffalo while waiting for the hours to pass, and drank copious amounts of tea.

It was a short walk to get there, familiar because it was… fenhedis. It was the same place he’d gone with Dorian that boasted inedible culinary faire and a detestably rude waitstaff. A monumental sigh passed his lips before he shook his head and opened the door.

“Mr. Wolf!” called a cheerful voice; he scanned the room for its owner, an uncomfortably enthusiastic looking dwarven woman seated in the corner. Hesitantly he made his way towards her.

“The Arcanist, I presume.” He greeted with a small bow of his head, sitting in the chair across from her.

“You presume correctly! And should I guess that the Tevinter group you referred to has a name that begins with a V and ends in an I?”

He wondered if her smile might at some point get so wide that it split her face in half.

“Venatori, yes.” His face a placid mask.

“How exciting!” her smile getting actually bigger somehow, “I’ve heard so little besides rumors and finding any kind of tangible thread is just amazing! Makes you want to blow something up, you know?”  

“I cannot say that I do.” He hoped she was not serious.

“Really? You should try it sometime!’ Her face was alight with excitement.

“Shall we get to business?” He interjected, not in the mood for this.

“Oh, yeah…” brows lowered dejectedly, and he felt the tiniest pang but he had not the time or inclination to indulge her.

“Oy, Baldy!” called the same brash waitress he had unfortunately not forgotten from his last time here. “Wot did you do ta upset my Widdles?!” She made a beeline towards him, a fierce scowl on her face.

“It’s okay honey, I’m fine,” the Arcanist assured her.

“I’m watchin’ ya eggman,” she threatened, glowering at him from above. He could do nothing but rub one of his temples, a headache dangerously close to forming behind his eyes.

“It’s okay Sera, I promise,” Widdles offered, reassuringly. He thought he might be sick.

“Could we perhaps return to the matter at hand? My time is not unlimited.”

“Right, course, got lots’a important Elven Glory dealies to get sorted.” She scoffed and turned away, presumably going back to the work she was currently being paid to neglect.

“So, the Venatori,” the dwarf smiled with renewed zeal. “What information do you have for me?”

“Very little, I’m afraid. All I have is a single name, Gereon Alexius. He is also a board member of The Pentaghast Group and I suspect him of funneling large sums of money to Tevinter in order to fund these Venatori .”

He passed her a slip of paper with all the information he’d been able to gather on Alexius, and hoped that it would be enough to find another thread.

“I’ll get started on this right away,” she replied with a nod and a gentle smile. He stood, inclined his head, and turned to leave. When he caught sight of the blonde waitress, he exited with increased haste, eager to not be accosted further.

With purpose he walked, though he did not yet return home. It was dark and cool, but the chilly air was soothing to his overwrought mind, freeing him from lingering anxieties. He was determined and needed only to remain so. One way or another, things would progress in regards to the Venatori, and anything else was unimportant.

He was quite comfortable on his own and a romantic dalliance would only complicate his life in unpleasant ways. That’s what he told himself at least, actively pushing down a flash of memory – Ellana’s smile, her bare eyes, her parted lips… the feel of them against his own; the taste of her tongue and feel of her skin.

“ Fenhedis ,” he announced to the air, quickly heading back in the direction of home. It was not such a good night for a relaxing walk after all. He began to wonder if it would ever be again.

He got home and went to bed, sleep claiming his weary body quickly. He dreamed of a great, black wolf with six gleaming, red eyes. It followed after a lithe deer with curling antlers, not seeking to harm it, but unable to halt its chase.

The wolf glided over roots along the edge of a river, moonlight reflecting off the water in shimmering ripples as he darted after his prey. There was something there, in the eyes of the wolf, something he almost thought might be sorrow. At length, it caught up with its quarry, pouncing and laying claim to its neck with a snap of powerful jaws.

The golden deer lay still on the bank, eyes going dark and blood pooling beneath it. The wolf turned its head to the sky and unleashed a mighty howl, a sound of unmistakable anguish. When it looked back, the deer had turned into a woman – skin shining in the moonlight, long hair caked with dirt and blood. He didn’t recognize her, but her hollow eyes felt painfully familiar. The wolf knelt beside her, nudging her ribs with its snout, and sniffing tentatively. Could it not see that she was dead?

Taking hold of her wrist in its jaw, she was pulled across the ground, the wolf dragging her to the bank, and then pushing her into the river with a shove of its nose. Once she was submerged beneath the still water, it turned its head again to the sky and let out an even more agonized howl than before. Solas’ heart clenched in his chest as he watched the wolf walk slowly into the waiting water and let it claim its traitorous hide.

He woke up in a shiver, cell phone declaring it to be 3:17am. He groaned, but then perked up when he noticed the email notification.

-----

To: solas@wolffinancialsolutions.thedas

From: ellana@orlesianmermaid.thedas

Subject: Re: Apologies

Coffee.  Crestwood Café. Sunday. 11am.

-----

It was short, but it was something and that was more than he dared even hope for. He offered a small reply, merely a confirmation, and found it extremely difficult to fall back asleep. This time at least, it was not altogether a negative.

-----

To: ellana@orlesianmermaid.thedas

From: solas@wolffinancialsolutions.thedas

Subject: Re: Apologies.

Until tomorrow.

-----