#i used to try to solve/fix people's problems too because it's what everyone did to me so i thought its what youre supposed to do?

[alchemiclee]

me: this thing doesn't work. i'm struggling so much. I can't do this. this is bad. i'm failing. etc etc

friend: you can do it, I believe it you!!!

me: 😊!!!

[littlestpersimmon]

Guy with cataracts and scarred from an explosion has a fail toymaking shop in front of a rundown temple and he has a crush on a disfigured lowly priestess whom he suspects is a stealth trans guy because she always picks the boy option when they play board games (he’s right btw)

He's from Kalantiaw, but his mom is diaspora, and I thought her to be half "Japanese" (coded) - still trying to figure out how japanese ethnicities come to play.

She was a sailor turned pirate. She didn't know the language spoken in Kalantiaw (more akin to Khmer), and she spoke a different language (more austronesian), and she named him Kahilingan, which means "wish". But in Kalantiaw, where she settled, his name means "curse" or "bad omen" 💀 it doesn't help that her life ended with the beginning of his. So.

Kahi spends much of his life chasing the image of his mom and trying to.... live up to her- because sailing is the most esteemed occupation in their world. Only very very very very very few people have managed to work on "dragonships".

Basically, their world is physically broken (like living on an asteroid belt) and they sail to and fro each sundering / country on specialized stone ships called "dragonships" / "bakunawa"- and the ships themselves are semi-alive? They're like.. Stone ships laminated with the spirits of devas and dragons and other great beings who have all died because of (redacted).

Anyway, his mom, Maaya, was a renowned sailor- she tamed a dragonship that was imbued with an infamously wild dragon called Duksa- Dragonships are Sponsored, but those who sponsor the ships are almost never in command, and they also easily lose ownership to their hired captains- because the ships themselves are sentient, and they never obey anyone who they deem are incapable of commanding them. Only Maaya could control Duksa hehe. So she became known throughout all their world as this wild woman who loved fast boats and only accepted voyage commissions "if they are very fun". Anyways blah blah blah she fell in love w Kahi's other parent (who is nonbinary) and she got pregnet with him. And they eventually settled in Kalantiaw, in it's countryside near the subterranean capital (Kamharik).

Kahi always annoyed his other parent abt his mom because he too wanted to meet Duksa, but his parent kept warning him not to go near the ship because after Maaya died, it went even more mad with grief. Kahi more of an engineer than a captain like his mom, but his goal was simply to acquaintance with Duksa rather than actually captain her. But Duksa did not accept anyone, not even anyone who was part of Maaya's original crew.. Kahi went to an apprenticeship on shipbuilding-

he became somewhat popular for being clever with his hands, and all around Kalantiaw, everyone thought of him as reliable and very creative when it came to problem solving. So he went from normal ships to fixing dragonships.. ..

The Greatest dragonships are ones that are imbued with the spirits of actual ancient dragons and qilin, bc some are imbued with "lesser" dragons or false dragons, and some are with non-dragon albeit great spirits- like minor gods, wind spirits, phoenix,naga, etc etc..

Duksa was a true and great dragon, and Kahi knew that she was suffering from severe neglect, so all he wanted was to patch her up-

Everyone, every single one of Kahi's peers discouraged him, bc it is known that anyone who even approaches her is immediately kilIed by her; but Kahi, he is different. When he approaches Duksa, she was a shadow of herself, a ghost ship- She senses Maaya, and she even thought that Kahi was her at first- so she lets Kahi patch her big crabclaw sails, fixed her boilers and really tried to replicate how she used to look when Maaya lived.. and Duksa didn't know it wasn't her, because her eyes were covered in barnacles.. The "eyes" of a dragonship is its lodestar, and Kahi was purposefully saving it for last because he is frightened of what Duksa could do to him;;

But before that, Duksa spoke to him, joked like "ah beauty, what happened to you?! Your voice sounds like you swallowed a frog.. are you ill? Why did you abandon me?" Fhjsjs

"Why are your hands so gentle now? I want you to be rough!! Stop this at once! I am not old!"

But when Kahi started scraping finally at the lodestar, and he opened Duksa's eyes to the world once more, she cried in great anger because who tf was this intruder! And why did he carry Maaya's spirit with him !!!

Her entire deck creaked so hard the floorboards broke again, and she swayed her whole body so Kahi nearly fell from the lodestar;; he tried to reason with her, and it sort of mirrors how his mom tamed Duksa. She barrelled in head on and confidently, but Kahi was meek and gentle.

Eitherway.. an angry dragonship is like highly radioactive, its like being in a storm in a contained environment, and she started puffing steam- it's like microdosing being in fukushima; And she called Kahi a fool, he'll never measure up to Maaya, he will never be her- aaaah, but she didn't kiIl him. Maybe because she knew he was Maaya's boy. She warned him never to return, and tossed him into the open shallows. So, he was absolutely brokenhearted. He was 19.

~intense lonely lovestory between him and a closeted trans guy raised by mean transphobic priestesses in a cult the antithesis of a loving and wise lesbian death goddess occurs.~

There she is.. her name is Viharana Magayarin

Names-

Maaya's name is spelled a certain way in kanji, I want it to mean "True"

Duksa's name is Tagalog, it means "grief"

Kahilingan's name is tagalog- and it means "wish". Inspired from.. in tagalog, "curse" is a contronym of sorts- "curse" and "promise" is the same word ("sumpa")

Kahi's trans boyfriend's name is Tala, and it means "star" 😌

[otakubimbo]

Fake Love Fake Rage

Part 2!

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x f!Reader

Contents: Yelling, Anger, Cussing, Fake Dating, Angst, Mean Miguel, Insecurity, Emotionally Immature Miguel, Argument, A Bit of Fluff At The End

Everything has gotten worse in the spider society now that you've taken a leave of absence, but are you even coming back? Not without something from Miguel first.

Sticky: Hi, me a known liar. Sorry it took so long for part 2 ya girl as been busy T-T but I hope yall enjoy! I may make a part 3 but who knows I am a known liar after all but you can ask. Mwah <;3 Requests are open btw.

Part 1

Masterlist

For two weeks since your absence, the rumor mills up in full force since your departure. Of course, people heard the truth about you and Miguel, but people also heard the two of you arguing and now with your disappearance people were talking. It didn’t help that Miguel was in a worse mood than usual with your absence. He was grumpier than usual, shouting at anything that anyone did even if it was something successful or useful. Everyone at headquarters was walking on eggshells around him and even that was too loud. Not even Jess, Lyla, or Lego Peter Parker could put him in a better mood.

The whispers in the corridors about your absence infuriated him even more. When were you going to return? Why haven’t you contacted him yet? Why haven’t you contacted anyone yet? Everyone knew better than to ask him about you missing from his side, you are missing from your lab, you are missing from headquarters. If Miguel wasn’t storming around headquarters looking for someone to take his aggression out on, he locked himself away in his lab not daring anyone to interfere with his sulking. If only he would go and apologize to you, all his problems would be solved but he wouldn’t. He wasn’t going to apologize because he wasn’t wrong. Well, yes, he was wrong, but you were the one who started it. You were the one who started the rumors, this was your fault. It had to be your fault, he wouldn’t have had to face the fact that everyone knew that you were too good to be with him, that you were too kind, too smart, too great to be with him. Everyone loved you and he…... and you were the only one he was able to tolerate besides Jess.  Your absence was missed by everyone.

Miguel, Hobie, Gwen, and Pav all watched Miguel storm around for those two weeks hoping that you would have returned by now. This wasn’t the first time the two of you have argued but it is the first time you didn’t return to headquarters after a day of cool off period. They were all starting to get worried about you since no one could contact you in your universe since your watch was inactive. It was decided that one of them would have to visit you to check on you and inquire about when you were going to be back to fix things with Miguel.

The first person to visit you in your universe was Miles, the sweet baby angel pacing out in front of your condo awaiting your answer to his call from the door. Miles looks at you sheepishly, “Hey kid, what are you doing here?” You greet him by letting him into your condo.  

“I just wanted to check and see if you were okay since you didn’t show up to HQ and no one can reach you.” He said awkwardly, scratching the back of his head not knowing what to say, there wasn’t a plan for his arrival. The gang just assumed once you spoke to Miles that it may just get you to come back, you would hopefully assume that Miguel may have sent him or something. You gave him a tiny laugh, knowing that it was everyone else but him that is reaching on about your wellbeing.

“I’m fine darling, just trying to adjust my watch in peace. Hopefully, it will be able to help everyone when it’s finished.”

‘Everyone’ you said, not ‘us’ but everyone, excluding yourself. You didn’t know if you were going to go back, returning to headquarters was the furthest thing on your mind. Your only focus is making the adjustments and protecting your own universe. You never took anything from Miguel, and you weren’t going to start now. He hurt you, the only person who was patient with him, the only person who gave him the grace that he didn’t deserve, the only person who he thought understood him. You. Miles could feel the pain in your voice, could see it in your eyes but you still held that small smile attempting to reassure him that everything was fine even if it was a lie to him and yourself.

“Well, we all miss you. We all do.” Miles attempts to say the quiet part out loud. That everyone misses you, that Miguel misses you, but there was no way you were going to believe that until you heard it from him.  

You give a defeated sigh, “Yeah, I know but work must be done. The multiverse isn’t going to save itself.”

Miles's eyes are kind as you attempt to joke about the situation, he gives you a sad smile nodding at you in understanding. He leaves you to your work and your thoughts. All your thoughts are avoiding thinking about that one thing, that one person. Your heart is heavy with Miles's departure, but you won’t focus on that.

Once Miles turns back to headquarters the gang surrounds him with questions, hoping that he received the confirmation that you were going to be coming back to headquarters soon and Miguel's tirade would stop. The look on Miles's face told everyone everything they needed to know before he could even answer any of their questions.

“She looked so sad,” is how Miles starts as he tells them what happened when he went to meet with you, almost in a hushed whisper as if Miguel would hear them from his office. No one knew exactly what he had said to you to make you leave but now after Miles returned it must have been something that would not only make you stay away for so long but still affect you enough to sadden you.  They agreed to give you some more space and time since you seemed to want to be left alone for the time being.

Even still, after another two weeks, there was still no word from you. You've been gone for almost a month now and Miguel has just gotten worse. You couldn’t even imagine how bad. It wasn’t even his temper anymore; he was fucking up. Missions were going poorly, anomalies weren’t being captured properly, and even worse Miguel got hurt. It was stupid and was easily avoidable and yet his mind was everywhere else but on catching anomalies. It was about you and his last moments with you. All he could see was your face, your eyes, the tears that were threatening to spill, and the way you looked at him with such pain. He was distracted and careless. A green goblin anomaly got him good and broke at least two of his ribs. Nothing that would do any permanent damage or leave him out of commission for more than a day or so, but the anomaly got away and he fucked up. Because of you. All because of you and that made him even more upset. Why weren’t you back yet? Why were you distracting him even if you weren’t even here?

“Just go and apologize to her” Lyla snarks at Miguel as he sulks in pain in his lab. He groans attempting to ignore her until she pops up right in front of his face. “Seriously Miguel, I don’t think she’s going to return unless you go and apologize.”

“I have nothing to apologize for” He scoffs attempting to swat the AI away. His last memories of you flash behind his eyes, ‘Fuck you, Miguel’ were your final words to him as you left headquarters eyes filling with tears. He never wanted to see your face like that again and he didn’t think even if he apologized you would accept it. You had never spoken to him like that before, at least not in a serious manner, and never cried because of him. He didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t apologize. He just couldn’t. Miguel resigned to not seeing you until you decided to come back to headquarters until you decided to forgive him on your own.

That was until a week later when Miles Morales as gently as possible webbed his way onto Miguel's office platform. Miguel barely even acknowledged his presence, just grunted in his direction as he continued to focus on the screens in front of him. Carefully, Miles walked up and placed a multiverse gizmo on his desk. It almost immediately caught Miguel's attention because it wasn’t any gizmo, it was YOUR gizmo. Obviously, it was yours because while everyone else’s was black, yours was your favorite color.  Miguel just glared at it and in the silence, Miles decided to speak.

“She asked me to give it to you. Said that there were modifications to it to help direct the spider society closer to the anomalies when we use it. She said you would be able to figure it out.” Miles explained, his voice softer than usual to not agitate Miguel because Miles knew what it meant when you gave that to Miguel.

It meant that you weren’t coming back. It meant that you were standing up to Miguel and his shit. Someone had to and it had always been you but never like this, never to the point of not returning. Now Miguel was panicking, he thought that eventually you would just come back fuss at him, and forgive him but no, you were leaving. You were leaving society; you were leaving him. His panic turned into rage and his rage turned into him pounding at your window in the middle of the night after going to your universe.

The banging on your window was completely unexpected, your spidey senses feeling it before it happened making you jolt out of bed.  You knew it was him even in your groggy state before you went to your window, you just didn’t think it would ever be him. Your eyes went wide blinking at him as if he was an apparition, you knew it had to be him because your body told you so but it truly just couldn’t be. You hadn’t seen him in over a month and you were sure that he resigned to go back running the society alone without your assistance. Unconsciously, you open your window letting him in and he starts his tantrum.

“What kind of scientist are you that you let a child bring in one of your projects without an explanation on anything?” He starts attempting to tower over you as you're still waking up from your abrupt sleep interruption.

“Huh” You’re confused looking up at him, forgetting that you finally finished making the modifications to your gizmo, giving it to Miles on his last visit to you. He came immediately after Miguel got hurt, hoping that would soften you enough to come back to headquarters. It didn’t, which is why you gave Miles your finished prototype and told him to tell Miguel to figure it out.

“So, you didn’t give Miles your gizmo and tell me to figure it out??”  He glowed down at you as you noticed he was gripping your watch with the band to not damage it.

You slowly start coming to your senses, realizing what was happening, “I assumed it would be helpful to the society with the modifications I made and an idiot could figure out how to work it. So there was no need for me to explain anything.”  Your hands cross under your chest, not thinking how it is pushing your boobs and shirt up towards him. Miguel almost falters watching you do that, realizing that you in fact were only in a shirt, his shirt (and maybe panties but he could barely tell).

“Why haven’t you returned to headquarters?” another question, no apology, but yet another question.

“For what Miguel? I did my job good enough in my universe, yes? You would have been able to test it properly if you weren’t here right now. And yet, you are. Why are you here?” Your eyes narrow at him as you ask the question, he didn’t want you to. “Isn’t it easier without my presence annoying you? You can figure things out by yourself, no?”

You throw his words back in his face, getting as upset as him. How dare he barge into your universe? How dare he act like he hasn’t done anything wrong? Why is it always like trying to move an immovable object with him? He was the one always pushing you away. He was the one who said that your ‘business’ was annoying and that you should keep him out of it. Foolish of you to believe that at one point he may have cared for you, that in some universe that couldn’t be one that either of you would ever visit the two of you would be together, the two of you would make sense.

You could tell that Miguel was frustrated by what you said, irritated, he mumbled under his breath in Spanish. He rakes his hand through his hair starting to pace back and forth in your bedroom. He throws your watch on your bed as he comes to stand in front of you, his thoughts making no sense in his own head. The exhale he makes from his nose washes over your face, but you stand tall glaring up at him, challenging him as you always did. As he looked down at you, the one thing on his mind that he never wanted to admit was blaring at him. He loved you; he fucking loved you and he hated that he loved you. He hated that he didn’t feel good enough for you and he hated that everyone else saw that he wasn’t good enough for you.

His voice was low and soft as he spoke back to you, “Why did you tell Ben we were dating?” You were taken back for a second, almost annoyed that he was bringing this up again. Was this really the issue of everything? As long as he told everyone the truth it would have died down and no one would have really cared.

“Seriously Miguel?!” You throw your hands up frustrated, “This again?? What’s the issue?? We aren’t and it doesn’t matter!”

“You don’t think it hurts for everyone to talk about how I could never be good enough to be with you?? How you’re so much better than me and have no good reason to be with me anyway??” He grits through his teeth as he runs both his hands over his face and hair again. Your eyes go wide in shock and misunderstanding.

“What are you talking about?” You ask taking a step back to look at him, he’s shaking, hands opening and closing in frustration, saying what you assumed were curses in Spanish.

“Just because I don’t have spidey senses, doesn’t mean I can’t hear.” His head turns from you as you look at him yet again in confusion. “Everyone in the society said you were too good for me, that there was no way that you would actually want to be with me” His voice was softer than you had ever heard him speak when he said that, and it broke your heart. How could he not see how much you cared for him? How could he not understand that the reason you were comfortable with the fake dating is because you wouldn’t have minded it being real? But that didn’t give him the right to treat you that way.

“So you hurt me because of what other people said? You truly think I care nothing for you Mig?” You say just as softly as he did, looking up at him fighting the urge to hold his face in your hands.

“I….” He starts as he gazes down at you, pausing and unpausing as he fights to hold your face in his hands also. “I know I’m not good enough for you. I’ve known since the first day I laid my eyes on you that I would never be good enough for you.” He confessed and tears started to build along your lash line at his words.

“I’m sorry….” He says before hesitantly grasping your cheek, “You are too good for me, but I want you so badly. I want to kiss you, hold you, go to bed with you, wake up to you. You’re everything I am not and more.”

“Miguel” You barely whisper as your hand grasps onto the wrist that was holding your cheek.

“I hated hearing what I already felt from everyone.” He confessed.

You looked up at him, his brown eyes filled with sadness. You, who knew him better than anyone, should have known this. But you didn’t, he kept this hidden even from you. As you locked eyes with him, the walls you had built towards him almost immediately crumbled and a spark of courage flowed through you. You press on the balls of your feet upwards, lips landing directly on his. Your hands make their way around his neck as he freezes for a moment in your embrace until realizing that you’re kissing him. YOU are kissing HIM. Once his brain catches up to reality his hands immediately wrap around your waist, drawing you into him to deepen the kiss. Your mouths move against each other as if they are in a dance that only they know. As things get more intense, your hands find his face and pull the two of you apart.

You pant a little before speaking, “Why didn’t you come for me sooner?”

“I didn’t think you wanted me.”

“I’ve always wanted you.”

Taglist, i think i got everyone: @berlinswifey @migueloharastruelove@kinkybandages@razertail18@beckberin-xo

[loki-us]

Welcome to my Mega Problematic Sylvie post

I wanted to make a list of everything problematic about Sylvie in s1 and s2 because she gets away with whatever she wants and it bugs me to no end that she never takes accountability for any of the pain she causes.

You have been warned. So let's get into it.

1. Sylvie’s way is the only way and she expects everyone else to just bend to her will without complaint

2. She is physically mentally and emotionally incapable of trusting anyone besides herself

3. She uses other people's emotions to manipulate them into getting what she wants

4. She refuses to even entertain the possibility that anything besides her own opinion is correct

5. She criticizes others' attempts to clean up the mess she caused while she herself does absolutely nothing about it

6. Always looking to ruin and run, taking the easy way out and avoiding any accountability

7. Puts her own need for revenge above the well-being of everyone else in the multiverse

8. Blames everyone else for the problems she herself caused

9. Insults everyone at the TVA for their lack of empathy despite it being the exact reason she didn't want to return in the first place. Every critique she delivers just illustrates how much of a hypocrite she is

10. Berates Mobius and all the people who are actually trying to fix her problem even though they never once blamed her for the mess they're in

11. Acts like she's doing everyone a favor just for being there and insulting everyone when in reality, Loki had to ask multiple times before finally getting her to return

12. Never willing to put in more effort than just destroying everything and walking away

13. Even when directly asked for her help, Sylvie straight up refuses. She couldn't care less about anything besides her McDonald's employee-of-the-month badge

14. Sylvie gaslights Loki into thinking they're the same, that she's not in the wrong because they're both only thinking of themselves. In reality, Sylvie is thinking only of going back to her own timeline, alone, while Loki is thinking only of making his friends happy, because that's what makes him happy too.

15. While being completely unsympathetic to Loki struggling with his greatest fear, Sylvie makes the decision that Loki's friend's are all better off where they are now. But is it really better for them, or just better for Sylvie?

16. And now, after 11 episodes and countless requests for Sylvie's help, she actually cares about the rest of the multiverse. And yet it's still solely because her own timeline is finally in danger

17. When Loki ends up sacrificing himself to solve the problem Sylvie created, her only response is a joyful shrug that she's now happy, alone, and responsibility-free.

Overall, I know Sylvie's only purpose as a character is to be a darker mirror of Loki and everything she does is understandably informed by her trauma. This is likely a result of having a limited-episode-series and having all male/not diverse writers creating female characters. Sylvie is used only as a comparison to Loki before he met Mobius, and unfortunately is never given any thoughtful character moments like Loki had showing how he was aware that his actions hurt others. In 1x1, Loki talks about how he doesn’t enjoy hurting people and only does it to maintain control. The only time we ever see Sylvie reconsider her actions is when she didn’t kill Timely, which I think is more because she saw herself in Timely as someone who didn’t want to be controlled by their ‘destiny,’ not because she developed any kindness or compassion toward him.

I understand the fact that Sylvie was never given someone like Mobius to allow her the opportunity to change like Loki did, but I don't think that should excuse her causing so much pain and being so self-centered. Sylvie never trusted or cared about anyone and that's also my biggest argument against Sylki; her loving or being driven by anyone besides herself is just so inconsistent with her entire character.

Anyway, my purpose here was not to be hateful or to search for any reason to criticize Sylvie, but instead to look critically at her character since I've seen a lot of people praise her as the strong, independent female Loki whose behavior can always be forgiven. Unfortunately, the way she was written is that Sylvie turned her own trauma into everybody else's problem and they all spent 2 seasons trying to clean up her mess. That's my take thank you and goodnight

[kenni33]

Incorrect quotes brozone edition

John Dory: So don't panic but one of us is possessed by an owl.... 
Bruce: .... 
Floyd: ..... 
Clay : ...... 
Branch: ..Who? 
John Dory: That's the thing we don't- 
*Everyone stares at Branch*

Branch: Where's Bruce, John Dory, and Floyd? 
Floyd: They're playing hide and seek. 
Branch: Where? 
Floyd: I don't think you get how this game works.

Branch: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. 
John Dory: This knife is actually a magic wand. 
Clay : Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel. 
Floyd: *cocks gun* Magic missile. 
Bruce: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

Clay: What does “take out” mean? 
Floyd: Food. 
Bruce: Dating. 
John dory: Murder. 
Branch: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

Clay: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? 
Bruce: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. 
John dory: Three of us saw it, Bruce. How do you explain that? 
Bruce: *points at Floyd* Sleep deprivation. *points at branch* Paranoia. *points at John Dory* Delusional personality disorder.

Floyd: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.

Clay : Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right?

Bruce: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.

John dory: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy!

Branch: ...put it away.

John Dory: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be? 
Clay: Maybe a bit tipsy? 
Bruce: Drunk. 
Floyd : Wasted. 
Branch: Dead.

Floyd: Look guys, I need help. 
Bruce: Love help? 
Clay: Financial help? 
John dory:Emotional help? 
Branch: Help moving a body? 
*Everybody looks at Branch* 
Branch: What?

John Dory : Guys… the principal just called—

Floyd: It was Bruce!

Bruce: It was Branch!

Branch: It was Clay!

Clay: It was me!

John Dory : Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cozy. But if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.

Floyd: My favorite is explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call.

Bruce: It’s called connotations.

Branch: Try this one on for size, “Forgive me, Father, I have sinned” vs “Sorry, Daddy, I’ve been naughty."

Clay: Great news! Language is now banned!

Branch: What do rainbows mean to you? 
Floyd: Gay rights. 
John dory : There's money. 
Bruce : The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood. 
Clay: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

Floyd: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Bruce: 'hottest smile'

Clay: 'Nicest Personality'

John Dory : 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Branch: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Bruce: What makes you all smile? 
Floyd: Friends and Family. 
Clay : Snacks. 
John dory: Victory and success. 
Branch: Face muscles.

Floyd: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food! 
John Dory : You can eat a rock. 
Clay: Air. 
Bruce: The fabric of time and space. 
Branch: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems. 
Floyd: You guys are not helpful.

[getlancered]

welcome to my 1 million turnabout bigtop headcanons

russell berry:

actual personality description because in the game he just kind of dies. stoic, generally serious man. bit of a blank slate to talk to. secretly TERRIFIED of confrontation, will do just about anything he can to avoid every problem in his life. this is not to be confused with avoiding responsibility, because he is the bossiest motherfucker around besides maybe trilo. runs the circus with an iron fist. no problems to fix if you never let them happen in the first place!

AUTISM

british weirdo

actually pretty connected in the entertainment industry

when he’s not wearing a suit he usually wears sweaters

takes first impressions so so seriously

DEAD wife that hes still not over

her death is unrelated to the circus because i think he wouldve shut that down in one singular second if it was

the circus was a passion project of her and moe’s, but russell was the only one competent enough with money and people that he ended up basically running it. neither of them wanted to do the technicalities

he wont consider his sexuality because he only loves his dead wife

moe:

nickname comes from highschool and the shit he used to get into, fabricated an identity to some stranger after vandalizing their house and it just stuck

took “class clown” a little too seriously

used to be an actual stand up comedian but being a party clown is just wayyyy easier

manchild. very silly and not serious all the time. completely aware of it by the way and encourages whimsy in the world

most insufferable case of hyperactive ADHD in the world

cannot sit normally anywhere ever

has many little odd hobbies

owns a bunch of really stupid graphic/text tshirts that do not apply to him in the slightest

likes to carry around those little plastic toys with the metal ball and a maze that u tilt around to solve. also those little water games where u push the button to try and get the rings on the hook. do u guys know what im talking about

can and will juggle any 3 items he can get his hands on

clings to russell all the time. follows him around. absolutely hates being alone so russell is his solution

gay as fuck for russell berry. this is not a secret. at all.

helped russell out with regina quite a bit, esp after his wife died

fine at confrontation unless it is of his own emotional issues

max galactia’s #1 hater

regina berry:

AUTISM

british loser too but fakes a french accent because it’s cuter and more posh

very good at imitating accents!

absolutely not mentally 16. very ditzy and carefree and childish

is not at all prepared for genuine reality because she was raised and surrounded her entire life by the members of the circus

very athletic!

has personalities for each of her animals and talks to/treats them like people

her mom died when she was 6, this is where her belief of dead people being stars comes from because russell genuinely could not tell her the truth

also why she wasn’t that upset about her lion or bat

closest to acro in the circus and still considers them to be best friends despite acro genuinely despising her

automatically assumes everyone is her friend unless they do or say something that shows otherwise

moe calls her “tiger” because she got facepaint as a kid and kept it on for days while acting like a tiger

amazing gift-giver

crow girl. drawn to anything and everything sparkly

enjoys those really elaborate lego sets

ben/trilo:

ft my backstory headcanon for how he entered the circus because its never established

AUTISM

trilo is ben’s non-loser persona essentially

ben has had severe social anxiety since childhood

^ where the stutter comes from

met moe as a teenager at his little sisters birthday party, was genuinely curious about how he can just go up on a stage in such a ridiculous get-up. talk to people. be social. he did not get it

when russell started the circus, he wanted to join and gtfo from his house

probably the neglected child to his little sister i think

joined the circus shortly after regina was born and was kind of the de facto babysitter so he considers regina his actual little sister (LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.)

trilo was created for regina when she was born. ben was kind of like a babysitter to her and made up a gag with this puppet and slapstick comedy to keep baby regina entertained. the whole circus loved it and trilo stuck!

what was once a coping mechanism became a depedancy. the only people he can speak to without trilo are the circus members

because he and the circus treats trilo like a completely separate being for his act and for regina, he never worked up the nerve to talk to people. there was no practice there because trilo isn’t him

doesn’t absolutely despise max because max is essentially like if moe was less obnoxious. flamboyant and outgoing and actually helpful!

great impressionist

max galactica:

entered the entertainment industry as a teenager after being scouted in high-school

genuinely does not give two shits about what other people think about him because he knows theyre all wrong. self-centered asshole

BAAAD anger issues. frequently smashes plates over dinner arguments. raises his voice quickly

only person spared from his eternal rage is regina berry

not getting his way makes him like genuinely upset

loves to threaten to quit to make everyone do what he wants

probably some sort of personality disorder

in a beautiful world he goes to therapy

he does actually genuinely want them to all be better performers but he’s literally terrible at showing it LMAO

lover of really obnoxious and clearly fabricated reality TV

massive drama whore. gossiper like no other.

the worst cook you’ve ever met in your life

drag queen!

into loser men (benjamin woodman)

acro/ken:

AUTISM

would both kill and die for every single member of the circus

including regina. not the kind of person to ever hold such a deep grudge so this is a first for him and he has very mixed feelings about it all

he gets physical therapy and his life is better ♥️

very emotional but great at regulating his feelings and self reflection. also great poker face!

terrible at accepting anyones act of kindness no matter how big or small. feels like he always has to pay everything back

tends to hide himself away if he is genuinely upset enough to the point of not being able to hide it

extremely observant person. in both behaviors and physical settings. always knows what to look for and what is out of place

very blunt but not. rude. just sort of speaks his thoughts and feelings. either honest about what he feels or dead silent

terrible liar

“will listen to anything” music kind of guy

actually quite prideful but like. in a healthy way.

tanktop wearer duh this we know but just generally a hater towards long sleeved shirts

decent artist! fun little hobby for him

[pancakeke]

urghhhhh

legitimately baffling how many people seem to have just accepted youtube's ad bullshit until posts started popping up spoon feeding everyone how to fix it by updating ublock origin. these posts have sooo many replies along the lines of "omg thank you for telling me there's a fix!"

also for the past day or whatever now people have been reblogging a post related to the youtube issue directly from me just so they can bitch at me for adding a "use firefox" comment onto it. they seem to think I'm a dumb fucking moron because the problem affects firefox now too (though few have also noted that there is also a fix).

apologies for not clarifying but I thought it was normal for people to pop a query into a search engine if they are having trouble with something. because doing that gives you the exact information needed to fix the problem a large percentage of the time. chrome has overwhelming market share yet openly stated that it is going to stop allowing ad blocking extensions so step #1 is to ditch it for firefox. if you still experience issues after this, how should you approach the situation logically? think that because you are currently unaware of a solution then no solution exists or could ever possibly exist? so there is no longer need for any thought or action?

you can not be telling me that people experienced a problem they considered significant enough to yell at me over it but did absolutely nothing else. did they really not even try to look it up? are they really lacking not only a desire to solve problems but also whatever exists in ordinary thought processes that makes you aware problems may be solvable in the first place?

maybe I am taking things at face value here. maybe the issue is more like, they heard this is a problem from a third party but it doesn't affect them so they had no reason to find a solution, yet still felt the need to repeat what they heard. or something like that. but this attitude of stubborn helplessness and anti curiosity is something I deal with at work so much.

the way people irl treat me like I'm just weird and stupid and the way they get hostile with me by immediately assuming I have no idea how things "really work" and that my actions are "wasting time" when I can't get what I need initially and try an alternative method. god it gets sooo exhausting and makes me feel like I'm going insane. because why else would I get so much anger and resistance? if this behavior is so widespread then I must be the actual problem right??

these people act like it's always better refusing to communicate, trying nothing beyond the bare minimum (which often means not trying anything at all), and then shifting blame elsewhere when the problem gets worse. admitting their first thought didn't work and pivoting is unacceptable because *huge list of vague excuses that are either bullshit or irrelevant*

I don't think this has anything to do with intelligence at all btw. it's gotta be ego related or a weird pride thing. or like how for whatever reason some people feel too much shame to ever admit they don't know something or aren't an expert at something. or they are too paralyzed by fear to attempt anything new if they might not become perfect at it immediately. but christ you can not let that kind of stuff fester amd become the normal way you live your life.

[deusexlachina]

Wannabe Warden Part 10: Everyone comes to me for help simultaneously because Kirkwall is not a functioning city

In which I stop people from killing the Qunari because they're afraid the Qunari will kill people so they try and make the Qunari kill people to prove their point.

I'm still reeling from losing Bethany, raging that my dream became her curse. I need to become a Grey Warden, not just for glory, but to reunite with my sister.

Unfortunately that will have to wait, because literally all of Kirkwall comes to me for help with everything at once. Merrill needs help fixing a mirror, Anders needs help icing a lobotomy-happy templar, Fenris is pursued by slavers, and Isabela needs to have sex with me Right Now.

Unfortunately for my friends, none of their needs are as urgent as the Viscount, who asks me to make peace with the Qunari before they attack. In fact, the Qunari are one of the most restrained factions in all of Kirkwall, where the most common form of social interaction is murder. Despite this, everyone is more afraid of them than the random assassins lurking around every corner who kill Anders in ONE HIT SERIOUSLY WHAT A FAT LOAD OF SHIT

The Qunari are led by the Arishok, the head of their military wing. The Qunari are a society ruled by the Qun, which gives everyone Assigned Roles and frowns on deviation. The Arishok now reveals that they're here to recover something precious that was stolen from them, but even then he doesn't explain what, what it's needed for, what it looks like or who might have stolen it, despite the fact that all of these have clear answers that the Arishok knows (book, religion, fancy, and definitely Isabela, respectively).

Tragically, if his role was as a diplomat or even a spy, he could easily solve this situation, but because of his rigidity, he knows nothing but the direct approach and will thus keep seeing everything as either a nail for that hammer or an unsolvable problem. The latest of these nails is an attempt to steal their gunpowder formula. I say attempt because they accidentally stole a poison gas formula disguised as a gunpowder formula, a substitution that could only be deceive a thief clever enough to recognize a weapons formula in a foreign language but not clever enough to recognize what sort of weapon it is.

With this warning, I rush to save Kirkwall from the poison gas. There's no time to explain to him the potential strategic flaws in withholding gunpowder but teaching your enemies how to make a powerful nerve agent that can massacre an entire block. Fortunately, Other Aveline is here to help. She gets a report from her guardsman, and, because I bluntly talk about the dangers, she reassures me that we missed the initial cloud. I'm glad she tells me this, because it's only true if she does.

Anders doesn't use his healing powers to neutralize the poison. Varric doesn't use his own poison gas skills to make an antidote. Instead, Other Aveline just decrees that the death mist is Over and it's perfectly safe to breathe without any kind of respiratory protection, like governments did with COVID except this is actually true, which I can only attribute to either the placebo effect or her guardsman's report taking so long that most of the gas has already been breathed up by the residents. Fortunately, I learned that there's a haze that smells like throw-up. Your tax dollars at work, Kirkwall.

This quest isn't too hard, as long as you don't do it in the sensible way. You see steel latches on the ground, helpfully highlit to indicate they're important, and, once Hawke picks one up, she says they could close the poison gas barrels. The sensible thing to do at this point is to immediately close gas barrels as quickly as possible, since that is your entire reason for being here. But if you do that, you'll die horribly, because each barrel you close triggers reinforcements.

The smart way to do this is to slay everybody in the deadly gas, which you wouldn't think would be difficult, but they're apparently immune to it, taking no damage even if you didn't "miss the initial cloud." So they're immune to poison? No, no. They're vulnerable to poison. But apparently not the one poison that would make my life easiest. It turns out this was all a setup by elves angry at the Qunari converting their fellow elves.

They wanted to steal gunpowder to make an explosion and pin it on the Qunari so the people of Kirkwall would hate and fear them which they already do. They didn't know they stole a nerve agent, but they caused a massacre with a Qunari weapon, so it all works out. I mean they all died and took numerous innocents with them, but it's farther than most plans get in Kirkwall.

I report back to the Arishok, who is furious that he is saddled with cleaning up our mess. But the Arishok is very restrained - he keeps composed even as he boils with rage. He's a terrific character, one of my inspirations for the Ogre Queen. He thanks me, says goodbye and gives me some gold. After this interaction which could have just as easily happened over a spot of tea and biccies, Varric is understandably terrified and says we should rush to warn the Viscount of the Arishok's anger. To appease Varric, I pop over to the Viscount, just in time for him to have another crisis not a literal day later, where the Qunari sent a delegation to him and they just disappeared. Other Aveline uses her investigation skills and social graces to discreetly look into this.

In the least shocking twist conceivable, the one behind this was the same person who was behind the last plot against the Qunari - Sister Petrice, the Priestess of Meanness! She recognizes me from last time, although she thinks my name is Serah. (She must be thinking of that girl in Denerim).

To deflect blame, she sells out Ser Varnell, a templar who is obviously working for her and pretends he isn't. I left Kirkwall just long enough to fail in my life's ambition and had to part ways with my sister and closest friend, and already there's a new conspiracy by people who should've learned their lesson years ago. And - The Last Straw - people keep getting my name wrong. I go Berserk. This makes me convert stamina to extra damage and also get an attack speed buff. More importantly, it gives me glowing red eyes because I have a mod that gives you red eyes if you're Berserk.

I find the delegates imprisoned and tortured, and tell Ser Varnell to fight someone who isn't bound. He misinterprets this and slits the last Qunari's throat. We massacre them and explain it to the Arishok. Because I do not try to hide this from him, I earn the Arishok's respect, something with next to no practical use but which I can't help but go for.

Unfortunately, he thinks my name is Panahedan.

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko EP5. Tea Party and ???

The tea party starts by discussing what most magical beings are, starting with the Seven Sisters being cheap souvenirs.... they point out the Chiester Sisters are rifles but not that they are Maria's toys, which is kind of interesting. Dlanor tries to stop Bernkastel from defiling their executions and gets shut down because of Bernkastel's authority,

Bernkastel finally mentions Erika as her daughter after lovebombing her for a while and Erika is happy for like, the first time since her introduction... I always feel really bad for Erika in spite of it all.... narration points out she literally starts shaking at being allowed to call herself a witch.

Lambdadelta walks to Battler's corpse and talks about how disappointed she is. Dlanor just did this as well. Battler has disappointed everyone. Lambdadelta and Bernkastel flirt for a bit and Erika reveals the totally real title of Episode 6: Checkmate of the Golden Witch (ignore than in this version you can see all the titles from the main screen)

I will do the ??? as well since the Tea Party was really short. Beato NOW comes to tell Battler he is a liar and disappointed her, like everyone else by this point... the different voice she uses for I am sorry breaks my heart.

We flashback ad get an extended scene of Dlanor Virgilia Batller discussing the mystery genre more broadly, Battler doesn't like Knox commandments because saying shit isn't even worth investigating is arrogant and limits the genre (and also obviously doesn't like how Erika uses them to shut down theories before they are even looked into) but Dlanor talks about how they are there in order to have the trust in the writer in that the mystery is solvable. The discussion about how humans need assurance that what they are solving is solvable resonates with me..... often I assume I shouldn't even try to fix problems or solutions because I assume I am too dumb to solve them anyway,

So, the red is Beatrice giving Battler the tools he needs to solve her heart, and after enough failings and forcing him to try without much success....

im going to kill you Battler

As we move forward, Battler begins to realize how everyone has been throwing and throwing hints at him and he has been throwing them away, Battler starts making his final theory, his last attempt. With Knox's 1 he realizes everyone after EP1 must not be the culprit. Uses Knox second to realize that all the magic scenes had a deeper meaning in them.

Battler realizes EP3 was easy mode for babies, lol.

Battler's first words at realizing the truth: "Idiot..." Battler realized it was too late for Beato. Battler wasn't able to reach Sayo's heart when it mattered the most.

The game is allowed to continue because of Lambdadelta acknowledges Battler as the new Golden Witch, Lmand might not hand answers but she will help the people truly put in effort and create certainty. Erika feels humiliated by the fact Battler has a higher rank than her now... Battler's role as a Witch is pretty interesting too... he isn't interested in creating a truth so much as in creating enough truths to cast doubt into Erika's theory.... in other words, furthering the Illusion of the Witch. He could deny the Natsuhi theory but that would expose the game and destroy the witch illusion.

The usage of "Demon's script" is pretty interesting haha, still see yourself as the heroine of this story, Bern?

Battler starts putting down the foundations for Battler culprit theory.... Battler putting an insane theory first thing after reaching the truth must have gotten some people really confused. Battler immediately destroys everything Erika has been building up to in a single red.

Battler points out they eren't dead when he yelled, which is true, and then Ronove points out they only need to be dead by the end of the game for the red truths to be valid. Ronove, Gaap, Virgilia and even Dlanor for good measure group up to dunk on Erika.

The Golden Truth.

Jesus Christ.

Erika accepts her role as Detective before Witch.

[fakesurprise]

A scene not appearing in this story!

I’ve spent six hours in my office trying to work out how the four entities from the other realms are communicating. Killing things to send messages via the grey lands seems the likely method, but why wasn’t it a known thing before? Could the damage of the sundering have had some strange benefit we didn’t know of? My head a was a mess of ideas and theories, none of which I could verify.

I’d left Fish and Aeosi in Fish’s apartment for the wards and some time alone. No client has called in four hours, which was unusual. I scrolled a few paradvice news feeds and found them surprisingly empty. Those who had once had magic knew something was off: they didn’t know what. Most of them likely didn’t know they knew anything. But they knew the world that had changed was changing again, enough to instinctively lay low.

There was no knock on the door. The old wards I’d been promised still existed on the office didn’t act. A boy simply appeared in the office. Not Kit: this kid was eleven, and technically dressed. He was wearing mismatched socks, with a shoe on the right foot and a rubber boot on the left. Sweats and a fancy blazer top with three ties and a set of small pink earrings and a hairband that matched them.

“Hi!” His grin slammed into me with even more force than Lance’s subtle power ever could.

I rocked backward but I was me. On my feet and moving. If this cherub had a new form, it was going to be confused and not expecting anyone like me.

I swung a fist and my hand jerked back at the last moment, tendons and bones throbbing in my arm.

“Wow! That’s not a good way to say hello to a Jay you know!”

The boy hadn’t even moved.

“What are you?” I said, my voice cold even to me.

The boy’s grin didn’t alter at all. “I’m a Jay! That’s also a what sometimes, like probably now since you’re being extra weirdy you know! I’m probably not supposed to be here but I’m here for really good reasons I bet!”

I moved back. I’d never been assaulted by cheer before, but the boy was – happy. Excited. I knew he meant no harm, but I also knew it the way I knew a nuclear power station meant no harm. I was very certain I didn’t want to be near this creature if it went critical. In any way.

“My name is Ryke Blackbird; you’re in the offices of Warp. Do you have a case for us?” I said, with almost a professional tone as if I hadn’t tried to remove the kid’s head from his body a moment ago.

“I’m not allowed to help with cases cuz I solve them and everyone gets worried about why.” The boy let out a huge sigh, then brightened again. “But! I’m here to help fix a problem cuz you have a hugey plot hole in your story and if it gets bigger you’ll have plot bunnies running around and they have nanoites, which is like rabies except the bunnies make people write novels.”

I stared at the boy. “.... was any of that meant to make sense?”

“I always make sense, but! I bet you call nanoites something else and plot bunnies aren’t always bunnies. Also, sometimes I remember things out of order.” Jay frowned. “But! I just did some bindings and fixed the plot hole so that the other realms can talk in secret and also! this one needs to be fixed too but Charlie says fixing other universes is a really big oops and that’s why the Dr Who spinoff about Gallifreyan break dancing didn’t happen and maybe also why they tried to reboot Gilligan’s Island four times. That was probably the plot dragons though!”

“Where are you from?”

The boy scratched his head. “I probably shouldn’t tell you because you’ll get all confusled and you get really angry when you’re confusled. I’d offer a jaysome hug but I’m not sure it would take so you probably need to have that looked at.”

The boy vanished.

I sat back down at my desk, flexed my hand. My own body had refused to hit Jay.

I tried to think about what that meant.

I realized that creature had been right about at least one thing.

And I poured myself a drink, and vowed to forget this exchange had ever happened.

[briefobservationdreamer]

Kingdom Hearts Characters: Xion

What I think of the character: Xion is a cute character and sweet kid, but she doesn't have much of a distinct identity. She shares a face with Naminé and Kairi, has the same origins as the Riku Replica and the same story as Roxas, and she doesn't really have much depth in the games. I get that that's kind of the point at the beginning, being a blank slate slowly gaining a personality and identity of her own, but she has a big disadvantage that stops her from really growing out of it like Roxas did, since Roxas is the main POV character with the most screentime. Xion has the least amount of screentime, taking the first third of the game to be part of the trio and spending most of the last third either running away or in a coma, and her dialogue doesn't reveal much about the kind of person she is. It's especially highlighted when compared to the people she shares the screen with - Axel, Roxas and Saïx - who are all very clearly defined and have enough depth to fill a whole character study essay. It's inefficient use of screentime that harms all of them. Without this, Xion becomes a plot device defined by how other people react to her - something for the two sides to use in their plots and for two popular male characters to chase after and angst over. I also kind of feel like the games try too hard to make you care for her and feel sorry for her in a way that feels quite manipulative and obnoxious, milking the angst for all its worth. I like her more in the manga and in fanfiction where she has more of a personality. A simple fix for this is to have Xion arrive on the scene sooner, have her and Roxas investigate their origins together when they get suspicious of Axel and she only goes with Riku (the Org would have drilled it in that he's the enemy to keep her and Roxas away from him) right at the end when she makes Axel cave in about the truth by reminding him that Roxas is in a coma because of this. That way, there's more screentime devoted to developing her personality and bond with Axel and especially Roxas.

Her particular traits as a replica are mixed. Xemnas using a replica to copy Sora makes a lot of sense. Everyone seeing her differently helps to explain Saïx's behaviour, but how would it go unnoticed by eight people for over a year and how could people like Xemnas, Vexen and Saïx expect her to pass as a Nobody with that in mind? Maybe instead they originally intended to use her like Riku Replica but she unexpectedly developed her own appearance and identity because the person she copied wasn't a complete person at the time, so they had no choice but to integrate her into the organisation and pretend she was like the other Nobodies, and Saïx would just be aware her appearance was just a kind of unfixed illusion (at least until she grows a heart of her own). The whole memory thing and being forgotten just seems like a very convenient and poorly justified way to write her thoroughly in and out of existence when the writers want and solve a problem that came from her being retconned into the series in the first place, and just artificially inflates the angst and melodrama even more.

I do like Xion herself, just not the writing surrounding her.

Headcannons: These are inspired by the manga.

Since the person Xion was originally meant to copy was not a complete person at the time with an intact heart, she never locked onto a particular identity to copy and absorb completely like the Riku Replica. As a result, she can copy anyone’s powers and weapons temporarily with some kind of trigger, and she prefers to do this by holding hands with the person she is replicating. It becomes easier, the effects more lingering, as she copies a particular power more frequently.

When she’s comfortable around someone, Xion expresses a lot of her affection physically with lots of nudges, cuddles and hand holding.

Has a fondness for animals in general no matter what they look like, especially dogs. Maybe she could bond with Isa over this, since it's a trait they both share?

Relationships:

Roxas and Lea/Axel: I have a couple of problems with the trio, and one of them is about what I said before. Xion doesn’t have a lot of depth, so her relationships can’t have much depth either. Without a enough of a distinct personality, a character can’t bounce off of other character’s personalities and develop a relationship with them. Xion has the least amount of screentime of the trio, doesn’t say much that tells a lot about her as a person, and isn’t involved in the more meaningful clocktower conversations. As a result, Roxas and Axel are the only ones who have any kind of chemistry. It’s especially lacking with Axel, and in fact it’s actually surprising how little direct screen-time they share together that doesn’t involve Axel keeping her in the Organisation in some way. I still like the idea a lot though, the dynamic can be pretty cute with Axel being like a big brother and I enjoy portrayals of them where Xion is more of a character.  

Isa/Saïx: These two are going to have quite a grace period to get through, but I imagine Isa is going to try and be so gentle with her after everything that happened. I headcannon that Saïx took her under his wing in the Real Organisation XIII, taught her how to fight with his claymore and use the Berserk form and the two eventually came to an understanding at least. I like the idea of them mending fences and him becoming a mentor/father/big brother figure eventually, once they’ve sorted everything out.

Hayner Pence and Olette: They have yet to share any screen time really, but they’d be good friends her age to hang out with and show her what normal teenagers are like.

[oysters-aint-for-me]

(Tw fictional suicide) Omg fellow Good Place finale disliker? I don't like how it resolves literally every problem in the afterlife and gives the main characters anything they want for as long as they want it, up to and including inventing Suicide 2 in case they get bored of eternal happiness. It's an unsatisfying ending for me after so much of the show was about how human life is short and imperfect.

oooh my god like i said don't even get me STARTED on why i hated the good place finale EXCEPT I WILL

okay so like you said - i hated that the solution to the afterlife was literally just eternal bliss plus the Suicide 2 Electric Boogaloo Door. like. that solved no problems, really. people cannot live in eternal bliss without it become not blissful at some point. and the solution to that CAN'T just be "go through the suicide door!" because oh my god that is SO SIMPLE and also, like, would make the people left behind sad, which would mean life wasn't blissful for them anymore, making it no longer the good place, you know? like...life has to be a LITTLE hard in order for the moments of joy to be, well, enjoyable. i really believed that the writers knew this and that the solution to the good place wouldn't be just "heaven with the option to die at the end"

second of all they did NOTHING to revamp the points system. people "on earth" were judged by the exact same parameters that had been the problem in the first place. the points system was flawed. in SO MANY WAYS. and the show acknowledged those ways! and yet. it stayed exactly the same.

my third and biggest problem with the ending was the "series of trials" that they decided to put everyone through after their "first life" on earth. you know, like, someone would live on earth, die, and then their points would be their points. then that someone would be tested over and over and over again until they became a better person and got into the good place. i have several issues with that but for now i'll talk about just three

how fucked up is that?! think of all the times the main four humans learned that they were actually in the bad place, or actually being tested, or whatever. they were ALWAYS unhappy about it. OF COURSE. also - they almost always figured it out. so they're just expecting no one else to pick up on a scheme that someone picked up on ALMOST EVERY TIME in beta? with no improvements?

in one episode, in the middle of all the reboots, they're at mindy st. claire's medium place house after they've figured out (again) that they're actually being tortured and rebooted. chidi says to eleanor something like "this is an epistemological nightmare. we keep getting rebooted so we can't actually learn anything because we can't remember." AND YET THAT IS EXACTLY THE SOLUTION HE PROPOSES - the series of trials after death, the rebooting, all of it. and everyone agrees to it. they only add the caveat that people will be able to hear a "little voice" that tells them to do the right thing, and that "little voice" will learn over time - but that feels like a cop out. that doesn't actually help US HUMANS who are WATCHING THE SHOW improve

the solution doesn't fix anything on earth! everyone on earth can go on being an asshole or whatever, or trying to be good and ultimately failing, and the world will just keep getting worse, while people improve ONLY in the afterlife through their series of trials?! come ON. you're just making a million multiverses for each person that dies while completely ignoring what is happening on earth. the earth is unimportant in the good place finale. no one gets better there, no one learns. okay, fine, whatever, earth sucks - except earth is where the VIEWERS of the SHOW live, and we'd like to learn how to be good in a world that is increasingly too complicated to support being good, thank you very much.

i guess my thing is like, how does the ending help US? what does it teach US about doing good on earth, with all its confusion and complications? all it teaches us is to "listen to the little voice," but real ethics isn't as simple as that. REAL moral problems aren't as simple. i guess maybe i was expecting too much from a network sitcom, but i really felt like i'd been tricked or something. i thought i was watching something more intelligent than it really was.

[rocknrollsalad]

Steddieholidaydrabbles: Day Six - Cooking Together AND Steddimas - baking and cookie decorating

🍪 Scott Clarke is not a baker. A fact he's learned the hard way. Though it's HOURS too late, he enlists the help of Steve and Eddie because what's Christmas without a gingerbread house, right?

🥼 content/trigger warnings: food

🧑‍🍳 word count: 1457

Eddie wasn’t the go-to guy for help. No one he knew looked at their address book and said “Yeah, Eddie Munson is the number I’m gonna dial”. It should have been! He was always helpful and knew how to do plenty. Something he proved time and time again when he was the last resort. Not the “I’m going to call Eddie for help” but the “well, Eddie is here so I might as well ask him too” sort of thing. 

A fact he’d grown used to. At least until he found himself partnered up with Steve Solves-Everyone’s-Problems Harrington. People called him for everything. Major problems, minor problems, someone else’s problems, those in Steve’s life didn’t need an address book; they had his number memorized. 

Dating Steve did change the number of phone calls Eddie received, the calls were still for Steve but now the Munson household was the first stop in getting ahold of Hawkins's own wonderboy. Eddie would hate it so much more if Steve didn’t like up like Times Square every time he was needed. 

Then Steve went and made it worse by saying it was the only thing he had to offer. He wasn’t ever going to be able to help with homework or remember the weird names of all those elves but he could drive them places and sit with them when they were scared. He could fix a car, change a hard to reach light, or pick a few things up from the store. 

As painful as it was that Steve thought those were his only skills, it actually had Eddie pushing their mutual friends at Steve more. Make the boy feel important please, no one has needed him in days. Eddie also stayed out of the way. He didn’t tag along or offer his two cents. 

Eddie wasn’t sure of his place in this group yet but “the helping hand” was already taken. They had their Swiss Army friend, ready to fix anything that was broken. A talent that crossed friendship lines when Scott Clarke called in a panic, opening with a desperate cry for help. Eddie did what he always did and passed the phone off to Steve. 

Like so many other “emergencies”, this one wasn’t life or death. Scott wasn’t part of the crew who’d literally stared down death or saw the pits of hell, he was allowed to be dramatic about it, but a…cookie emergency seemed like a problem the Care Bears should solve. “Oh no, we’ve put too much sugar in the cookies and ruined the bear's birthdays, golly gee, what are we going to do?” 

Bake some new cookies. Buy some from the store. There were so many answers that weren’t "enlist Steve and Eddie like it was some sort of national crisis". 

Of course, Steve wasn’t in agreement and spent the whole time Eddie looked for clothes to change into pacing the doorway, desperate to get out there and help someone who needed it. Which didn’t speed Eddie up any.

Steve felt weird going over to Scott’s alone. The amount of times he repeated “he was our teacher” almost went past annoying and into endearing. Scott wasn’t their teacher now, he was some lame-ass guy trying to impress Wayne with baked goods. A dumb waste of time because why would Wayne be impressed by anyone’s baking ability? He once ate an entire birthday cake Eddie burnt that one year. Without a single complaint. 

However, an emergency might have been an understatement. 

Scott ushered them into a gingerbread warzone. Complete with broken men and women lining the battlefield. Some house pieces were both solid and liquid, others were charred to a crisp, nothing made sense and every surface was covered with something. 

Both Eddie and Steve stood on the only clean kitchen tiles with their jaws on the floor. Scott had clearly given up on aprons, there were a few among the mess, and his 1979 science fair tee was unreadable in spots. Flour handprints were all over his pants, along with crusted gingerbread batter, and Eddie didn’t know whether to laugh or get the man a drink. 

“It’s just science, right? It’s a chemical reaction. You measure carefully, pay attention to what you’re putting in, and add heat. I think actual rocket science would be easier.” Shoving his hands through his hair, a path they’d clearly taken a few times, Scott tried to find something close to composure. 

He wasn’t upset he couldn’t impress Wayne, he was bothered he got the formula wrong. This was the scientific process letting him down and it’d driven him to madness. Eddie wondered how many failed attempts there were hidden in here and what on Earth made him call for their help. 

“No. Well yes, but it’s more than that,” Steve said with a soft confidence Eddie had never heard from him. 

The tone slowed Scott too, he was willing to entertain whatever Steve had to say. 

“You guys aren’t going to like the rest of it. Just let me try it out, it’ll be fine.” 

Eddie muttered a quiet “What” and looked at Steve. Getting a “don’t ask” stare that ensured Eddie would absolutely ask. He’d be patient enough to get Scott out of the room but that was about it. 

He thought getting Scott out of the room would be harder but he heard Steve offer to try, threw his hands up, and said, “I’m going to take a shower, kitchen is yours.”

For a full minute, Steve and Eddie stood in silence. Listening to Scott move through his house, still throwing a mild temper tantrum as he did. Eddie could only imagine the amount of exasperated scientist mumbling that was going on. 

Once they felt they were in the clear, they let out a joint sigh and Eddie said. “Ho-ho-holy shit I thought he was going to stand over our shoulder and, like, grade you as you cooked or something.” 

“Given the bar he set, it wouldn’t be hard to get a passing grade.” 

That wasn’t kind and Eddie laughed for that reason. Mixed a bit with how truthful it was. They were staring down a ton of wonderful-smelling carnage. Much like the gingerbread people in the sink, Scott didn’t have a leg to stand on. 

“Plus, who said I’m doing all the work?” Steve asked. 

“Oh, me. I said you were because you’re the one with cryptic answers about what it takes to make a good cookie.” 

“It’s not cryptic, I just didn’t want to listen to you and Scott mock me for the rest of time,” 

The comment was followed by Steve’s trademark huffy little pout that Eddie loved. Arms crossed, he defended himself and braced for impact. Though his walls were made of cotton candy and the castle was guarded by two cardboard cutouts. Steve was horrible at this stuff. 

And Eddie was persistent. He pressed into Steve’s space, enough to cause him to lose balance a little. Finding a stronger stance, Steve looked anywhere but at Eddie. Still, Eddie could see the smile. He’d made a few missteps on when to press for Steve to say things he was holding in but the lights were all green here. 

Doing his best to look cute and innocent, something Eddie had likely never been, he lowered himself enough to have to look up at Steve. “We’d never mock you, for anything,” Eddie said. 

“Yeah, well I’m still not telling you,” Steve raised his nose in the air, looking away. 

As much as Eddie knew saying “I love you” for the first time was supposed to be some big memorable moment, it was little ones like these that always threatened to steal that from him. Standing in a mess that was likely making Steve’s skin crawl, creating something to bicker about, and playing their parts so perfectly comical. That’s so much better than some fancy dinner they’d never have or a beach vacation they’d not go on. 

“Fine, I’m going to go add some more burnt cookies to the pile. Since I don’t know the secret to it,” Eddie mocked as he pulled away and went deeper into the kitchen. 

Steve was so hot on his heels they almost collided. “Look, I know you can’t exactly do worse but lemme do this okay? I got it.” 

“I do really like the challenge of doing worse.” 

“Yeah, I regretted that as soon as I said it. You absolutely could do worse.” 

“Thank you. That’s so sweet of you to say,” Eddie cooed.

“Who knew Scott was this bad though,” Steve said with a judgemental stare around the room. 

“Wanna know something? A real secret?” 

Eddie leaned in close and whispered through a giggle, “Wayne hates gingerbread.” 

[backgroundagent3]

@humanvanillabean ask and you shall receive! Patrick Jane for the Character Asks. 🩵☕

First impression: I loved him. I thought he was really funny, and because I started watching when Lisbon was dating Pike, I felt really bad for him.

Impression now: I don't like him as much now. I still love his sense of humour and how chaotic he is, not to mention his brains, but I think he's pretty selfish, always putting his personal vendetta against Red John before pretty much anything and anyone else.

Favorite moment: It's hard to choose, because he has so many funny and chaotic moments that I loved. Some of my favourite moments were the times where he was kind to the team. Like the time he earned an insane amount of money at the casino and used it to buy them tacky jewelry and watches that they pretended to hate, or when he bought the FBI team something each of them really wanted. I think it was sweet how in that last one he took his time getting to know them, and used that information to make them happy. He might be selfish sometimes, but he's also really generous. He's flexible like that.

Idea for a story: When he was young scamming people with his dad, the carnival they travelled with stayed in Chicago for a while. Teenage Lisbon takes her siblings to get away from their dad for an afternoon, and they meet. While the younger Lisbons roam around the carnival, Patrick and Teresa start talking. He finds himself telling her the truth about his dad's act, and she confides in him too about her situation at home. They bond over their problems, and after that, she returns to see him every day for a week. The carnival leaves town, and while they may not remember each other's names, they never forget the friend they found at a time of need, like a kid in a playground who despite you only seeing once, you treasure fondly for the connection you made. They move on with their lives but it doesn't matter, because years later they meet again.

Unpopular opinion: I'm actually not sure how unpopular this is, but like I said before, I think he's very selfish. I get that Red John ruined his life, of course I do, what he did was horrible and traumatising. And I'm not saying he should have gotten over it, but he the way he handled things was kind of the worst possible way. I don't mean joining the CBI, because he saved lives and helped a lot of people. I'm talking more on a personal level. He decided to put his revenge over everything, which is something you just can't do in his line of work. And all his friends and relationships suffered because of it. He repeatedly left them without notice, broke every possible rule, and got them all in trouble at some point or another. Another opinion I have is that he shouldn't have killed Red John. Keeping him alive would have been better for literally everyone (again, selfish).

Favorite relationship: Jisbon. I know they're not perfect, and they lack a lot in the communication department, but they're one of my favourite slow burns of all time. I think they complement each other really well, and they were great partners in the field. I also loved their friendship. Their teasing is great, and they have the funniest moments in the show. I especially loved when he caused harmless trouble just for the sake of his entertainment and Lisbon pretended to try and keep him in line. Best dynamic ever.

Favorite headcanon: soon after he gets married, he retires from the FBI. He can't stay away all the time because he loved solving cases so much (and also probably for legal reasons as being in the FBI was the only reason he wasn't in prison, but I'm gonna ignore that), but most of the time they can handle things on their own. He first takes some time off to fix the house he bought, and later stays at home when the baby is born. He keeps busy with his kids and with different projects around the house, and Lisbon probably earns enough for the both of them (if not he can easily find a way to get some extra money, he's very smart). Whatever he does, I like to think that he finally lives the normal life he deserves.

@profwonderbearthementalista you wanted to see this so I'm tagging you. Enjoy!

Character Asks.

[linagram]

[ meet the prisoners! (t2 edition) ] prisoner 004: chiba naomi

this woman. she caused me so much suffering. basically, when i first finished working on her t2 design, i. uh. i noticed that i made a mistake only like a day after i was done.

her arms were too short JDJKSKSDLKSLK.

so i kept procrastinating and telling myself that i will fix it later and when i actually tried to do it, IT WAS SO PAINFUL BECAUSE IT ALREADY HAD ALL THE COLORS AND SHADING AND ALL OF THAT. i still managed to fix it though, but if the lineart looks weird, that's why! her arms still look wrong to me, but trust me, they looked worse.

but anyway, i still love naomi's character a lot even if her crime isn't that mysterious or difficult to solve <3

General info.

T1 Verdict: Naomi was voted innocent and she did not expect that. She genuinely thought that she will be voted guilty, she really thought that Eiji is that person who will understand how bad her crime actually was.. Like, she even kind of told them about how young her victim was before her video got extracted, why would those two forgive her? Haha, so they're not that different from those other people.. Naomi was shocked at first, but at the same time she got used to hearing that what happened wasn't her fault, so.. Eh, maybe she should just agree with the guards. She's tired of trying to prove that she's guilty, she had tried to do it so many times before she even arrived here, so what's the point? People will still forgive her for some reason. Maybe she's just that sympathetic or it's so easy to understand her, she's not sure. So for now, she will just embrace it and go with the flow.

T2 Personality: Naomi certainly did change and she's not even trying to ask for a guilty verdict anymore. She's more calm and relaxed now, but it's not because she was forgiven, it's simply because she decided to accept everyone forgiving her. She's tired of trying to make everyone believe that she's this dangerous murderer, so if others think her crime wasn't that bad even though her victim was so young, fine, she'll just nod and agree. Naomi is also more honest about her feelings now and even though she still gets along with most younger prisoners, she's more open about disliking Asahi and says that no matter how hard this boy is trying to make others think that he's changed, he still deserves to be punished. The fact that he's the youngest prisoner here is scary to her not because "Oh no, what a child like him is doing here?", but because this child must have done something truly awful to end up here.

T2 Relationship dynamics:

She gets along with both Akio and Aimi and she's happy to see that they've become friends. Of course, she didn't want Akio to get injured, so she helps Aimi with taking care of him sometimes. If they need something, she will ask the guards for it as usual and she understands that because of Akio being voted guilty, now he really needs someone to request things for him.

Her relationship with Riku, another prisoner who's one of the younger ones, is a bit more complicated, because she really does want to help him and she has experience with helping kids who have mental health problems (even though they were much younger than Riku), but she also has a feeling that Riku doesn't want to get help. Maybe he thinks he's fine or that he doesn't deserve to be taken care of. If that's the case, she can understand him. Actually, she would love to know more about him. Who knows, maybe their family situations are actually more similar than they both thought.

Her relationship with Asahi is much worse now and uh, Asahi, if you thought she's gonna be your new mother figure, you were wrong. She doesn't hesitate to stop Asahi if she sees or hears him making fun of someone again and if he says something rude, she will tell him to shut up. She's had enough of his behavior and she actually thinks that Asahi trying to act more nice and polite makes him more suspicious. Like, why is this 12-year old (the prisoners' birthdays are canon here, so yes, he's actually 12 years old now) trying to manipulate all prisoners and even the guards? Who does he think he is?.. Oh well, it probably would be easy for a cute child to make others feel sorry for him. That's also probably why he was forgiven anyway.

Music info.

Milgram cover: Oh, this one will probably be sudden. So, uh, she actually gets It's Not My Fault this time <3 The image of this tired 30-year old woman singing INMF looks so funny in my head, but before you go "OHHHH so she really thinks she's innocent, huh?", well, not exactly! At the same time it can be her showing that even though she thinks she deserves to be punished for her crime, she also thinks her victim still deserved to die (actually, i think Naomi is one of those prisoners who would kill again if they ever got out of Milgram because her repressed anger is that bad), but mostly.. I think her singing INMF is actually more like her kind of making fun of people who forgave her. Yes, this can be seen as both her breaking the fourth wall and calling people out in-universe. Like, oh, okay, she gets it. She's just this poor tired woman who killed an annoying child who was hated by everyone around him, both kids and adults. It's fine, she understands. She's so pitiable, isn't she?

DECO*27 cover: Kimi ga Kirai da (Now, I know that this song is about a romantic relationship, but I really wanted her to sing something sad and also show how much hatred and anger she has inside. This woman is so, so tired of everything..)

Different Vocaloid producer cover: Regret Message by mothy/Akuno-P (second Akuno-P song in a row LET'S GO!! Again, I just wanted her to sing something sad, but also her feelings are so complicated, like yes, she thinks her victim deserved to die, no one even cried when they found out about his death, but also.. Maybe she does regret it. Of course she does, she wouldn't ask for a guilty verdict if she didn't. She doesn't know how to feel about her crime, honestly. Maybe the guards can help?)

Her T2 Trailer Voicelines:

"Ah, Eiji-san and Miki-san. Glad to see you. I hope you two are taking good care of yourselves. So.. The second trial, huh? I feel like this time everything is going to be even more difficult for you.. Don't push yourself too hard, okay?.. How do I feel about my verdict?.. Well.. I've decided that I won't argue with you about it. It is your decision after all and who am I to try and tell the guards that they are wrong?"

*crying* "I.. I don't understand.. I don't understand anything.. A-am I supposed to feel sorry for him now?.."

Her T2 Song Trailer Voiceline:

"What's wrong? Are you regretting your decision?"

Trivia:

Her letting her hair down can be seen as her trying to act more honest and more true to herself. No more holding back now.. At least she sees it as being more honest, though I can't say she's right. I actually feel like her agreeing with everything the guards do sounds like her running away from reality.

She feels more comfortable in her new outfit now because the old one reminded her of her crime way too much. (She also was wearing the same clothes both when she committed her crime and when she was brought here)

She doesn't really care about being voted innocent or guilty anymore. She's okay with the guards doing whatever they want. It's not like her opinion matters here anyway.

A dark shade of red was chosen as her second image color because of how her T2 MV ends (or where it ends, to be more specific) and because I thought it fits her nicely: her first image color is much calmer compared to the second one, it's like the first color is how other people see her (and how she wants them to see her), but the second color is her real, more violent and aggressive side.

[ina-nis]

I can’t even feel furious about my predicament, about the fact that I’m relegated to a place of self-imposed “solitude”, which is also pushed down my throat by others, because my brain is this way and I can’t seem to be able to “fix” it.

Of course I’ll keep on burning bridges, of course I’ll keep my high standards in the stratosphere, of course I’ll be very strict with who I allow into my life, knowing that the majority of people I ever met and will meet are just conditional, are just transitional. I can’t seem to be able to heal from my trauma without positive experiences so that adds another layer of difficulty.

I guess the pain comes, also, from the fact that my heart remains soft.

I didn’t allow myself to hate people, I didn’t allow myself to cast away the good feelings, I didn’t allow myself to be engulfed in a cloud of despair and disaster - even if, oftentimes, it doesn’t look like it, considering how I’m naturally depressive/negative/pessimistic.

I feel angry about my loneliness, and at the moment, powerless: what else am I supposed to do? Go outside everyday and chat with strangers? Showing up somewhere regularly and try to get something going? Get out of my bubble and do something new and social? Oh... if only I haven’t tried all these options and many more to the point I’m absolutely burnt out from doing any thing at all now.

I see myself unable to break the cycle, to develop new ways to be and think because, ultimately, it doesn’t work when I’m doing all the work on my own. And the fact that the same issues keep on repeating, and people keep on confirming my biases more and more... it’s just hopeless.

When this all started I knew either one could happen: I’d have to depend on other people to heal or, knowing it was very unlikely that would happen, I’d have to “get used to it”, be realistic about my options and “accept” it.

Now the questions I’m asking myself are: how can I be with people? How can I be with people without pain or suffering? How can I be with people while my needs remain unmet? And so on...

I already tried the whole masking / people-pleasing / being a social butterfly / being empathetic / optimism and good vibes, and more. Obviously, that is great to fuel superficial connections, not so great for what I need...

I already know the problem is me.

I’m already doing the best I can to fix it.

I keep on hitting my head on the same issues though. I’m better at solving them now but they still make me second-guess my resolve. Thinking that I might be wrong, thinking that I could’ve done something else, or differently... but does it matter?

People don’t care! No one cares! No one cares in a way that reassures me!

The fact that all these connections end as soon as I turn off my devices because they’re all electronic should tell me everything I need to know! And yet, they’re the most accessible for me, if not by them, I would be completely isolated from any human interaction that is not a paid professional or some service worker.

In the end, I feel like it doesn’t really matter whether it’s something online or offline, because the issues are the same... in real life, it’s even worse so that feels very much out of question for me. Always did.

I can just disappear and no one will care in the way I need them to care.

I could die and I would be alone as I lived, same in death.

Everyone is always too busy, there’s always something to do, there’s no time to waste with a broken record. There’s always something new and refreshing for people to find, and much less stressful too.

I know I, myself, am a walking red flag too. I know I’m a very toxic individual. I know I can be very draining and I absolutely do bring the mood down. Even when I try to be something good, to be someone better, I’m still sick.

That’s the only explanation to me: this is a disease. It doesn’t matter what. I don’t even know if what I’m dealing with is really AvPD anymore, all I know is that I am sick, my brain is sick and I can’t seem to be able to heal.

Even if I cry, even if, for whatever damn reason I decide to reach out to people, nothing will change... I have no need for pity or platitudes, I don’t want sympathy either.

It is too much to ask to have someone hold my hand and walk this path with me.

The irony is that even if I do find this someone, I’ll make them go through hell, like I always do when someone manages to get too close.

Holding my hand will not be enough... so I guess I should say what I actually mean:

I want someone to be with me. To be there to me, for me. I want someone to choose me, despite the pain, despite the hardships, despite the disease. I want someone thinking I’m worth it all for them. I want someone I can grow with. Among other things.

I am that person for myself already, and everyday I strive to be more. That’s probably why my heart remains soft, and I remain hopeful.

I’ll never be able to go back in time and live all the years that went to waste, I can only grieve them. Same with all the lost connections.

I don’t feel quite lost anymore, there’s just a lot on uncertainty...

I can only ever go forward.

Where do I go from here? Am I doing the right thing?