#i usually dont keep edits for long in it but it's been months for some 😭

[mostlyfate]

Shiraishi Sei as Kagami Akari SHOSEN HITOGOTO DESU KARA ~TOARU BENGOSHI NO HONNE NO SHIGOTO~ しょせん他人事ですから ～とある弁護士の本音の仕事～ (2024) — dir. Motohashi Keita, Murakami Makito

[rafeskiss]

imgonnagetyouback ! ᥫ᭡

pairing: matt sturniolo x popstar! reader

word count: 2.1k (holy shit)

summary: you are a world renowned popstar, and after a very public breakup with youtuber matt sturniolo, he can’t bare to watch you look hot on stage and know you’re no longer his. he’s determined to get you back.

warnings: smut obvi, p in v, fingering, swearing, use of ‘y/n’, nicknames (baby), overstimulation, unprotected sex (don’t be fucking stupid), matt calling reader ‘slutty’, probably more i can’t think of

authors note: I HAVE RETURNED!! i have come back from like a two month long hiatus (HIATUS??? DONT USE BIG WORDS MATTTT) to bring you guys the much requested imgonnagetyouback inspired fic featuring popstar! reader! in my mind i see popstar! reader as sabrina carpenter/madison beer type, not necessarily looks wise just their presence. anyways i love ya and thank u for all the kind words on pretty voice :(((

you walked around stage with more confidence then ever. you questioned if fake confidence still counts as confidence, but nobody seemed to know that you’re faking it. it had been 2 weeks since your breakup with matt, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t wreck you. but you don’t want to ruin the fans experience while you’re on tour, so you maintained your confident-happy-seductive-popstar act.

you were considered the new it girl of pop music. even though you were at your worst, you were getting a lot of attention. most questions fans asked you were about the breakup, but you were trending on twitter for a week straight. fans were making sad breakup edits and update accounts were notifying everyone about the latest stuff regarding the breakup.

because of those update accounts, you knew that matt and his brothers were at your show tonight. you didn’t know why, and even though it made you sick, you got up on the stage and shook your ass and sang your little heart out.

you wore a short lilac skirt, the one that fits you like skin. it drive matt crazy; the way it matched your skin tone so perfectly and accentuated your curves. you were a humble girl, but there were times you knew just how hot you were.

you felt bittersweet about this being the last stop of your tour. you were excited you could rest and grieve and mourn your ended relationship. but you were sad because of the happiness you did feel at one point performing to your fans and the family you created with your band.

with it being the last stop of tour, your team is throwing a little party at some club nearby the venue in seattle. it was planned for weeks now, and at the time you planned it, you added matt and his brothers name to the guest list. and you didn’t have the guts to remove it after the breakup, you didn’t even think you needed to because why would he show up? you regret it as you look at him from your spot on stage. he’s standing on the balcony with his brothers, and he looks guilty and mad at the same time. you quickly look away before you became sick, like how you normally feel seeing his face anywhere.

you say your goodbyes to the crowd and walk off stage as confetti shoots from the ceiling. you make your way backstage where your team awaits you, showering you with compliments and praises. the usual ‘you did so great tonight’ shit. matt used to be the first one to compliment you after a show, whispering sweet things in your ear; odd compliments that nobody else would tell you but that’s why they meant so much. you shake the thought of him from your mind as you pray that he won’t attend the party later tonight.

standing at the bar like somethings funny, bubbly.

God didn’t answer your prayers, unfortunately. you stood talking to one of your best friends, madison beer, but instead of keeping eye contact with her as she talks to you, your eyes are on matt. he’s on the other corner of the room by the bar, with his brothers. chris is sipping on a pepsi, nick with a dr. pepper, and matt has nothing in his hands. he glances over to you and goes back to his conversation with chris. he laughs and you wonder what he’s laughing at, you brush it off and engage in your conversation with madison.

fuck. fuck fuck fuck. an endless stream of curse words run through your mind because knowing he’s in the same room as you, at your party, is driving you insane. you wander through the crowds, making small talk but never staying with the same people for long. you sneak a quick look at matt who seems oddly bubbly while he’s talking to some blonde girl. as if he can feel your stare, he looks at you and makes a face. not a disgusted face, but one that reads ‘i see you too.’

an hour or two passes and i see some blonde girl approach him, and i know he wouldn’t *dare*. while we technically can see other people, we were never *not* each others. the blonde girl, who had to have been someone’s plus one cause i know damn well i didn’t invite her, is so obviously flirting with him. how bold of her! he seems uninterested but he’s still talking to her, which makes me feel sick. i hate he still has that effect on me.

say you got somebody, i’ll say i got someone too.

i know it’s petty, but i just want him to know that i can have someone too. i walk up to the first boy that i see, making small talk and his eyes almost pop out of his head when he realizes who i am. i can feel matt’s stare from across the room. i have zero interest in this guy i’m talking to, i just want to piss matt off. i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing. i tell all of my friends that i hate him, but i go fucking crazy when i see him or hear anything about him.

part of me wants to yell at him and curse him out, and the other half wants to take him back to my hotel. your phone is tucked into the neckline of your dress, feeling it vibrate. you smile at the stranger and pull your phone out, matt’s name on your lockscreen. you look over and see him staring at you. it definitely worked, this man is furious.

ten minutes later, you wait in the gender neutral bathroom. you apply more lipgloss in the mirror when matt walks in, quickly locking the door behind him.

“you hate parties,” you mutter as you layer on more mauve lipgloss, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

he shrugs, “yeah, but i don’t hate you.”

you roll your eyes, “well, i hate you.”

he laughs dryly, “yeah? how come you’re here then? in this bathroom with me, with the door locked?” he says, walking up behind you. you can feel his bulge against your ass.

you sigh and turn around, less than an inch of distance between you. “i hate you.”

he nods, “for sure.” he brings his thumb to your glossed lips, smirking. “so pretty.”

before you could even think twice, you’re sitting on the sink, wrapping your legs around matt’s waist, making out. maybe if you were sober you wouldn’t be in this situation, but if you were sober you probably would have wanted it more.

“hate you so much,” you mumble in between sloppy kisses.

“i know,” he mutters. he taps your thighs, signaling for you to spread them more. and of course, you do. he reaches his hand under your dress, pulling your panties to the side. he does all of this without breaking your kiss, too. and to no one’s surprise, you’re soaked.

he looks up at you, “you hate me so much but you’re soaking wet? doesn’t make sense.” he says.

“stop talking,” you whine.

he plunges two fingers into your cunt, and your hand immediately flies to your mouth. while it isn’t out of the ordinary to have sex in a bathroom at a club, you don’t want people to know it’s you.

he uses his other hand and pulls your hand away from your mouth. “let ‘em hear you.”

he continues fingering you until he feels your walls clench down on his fingers, and he pulls them out.

“matt!” you whine.

he nods, “i know, baby.” matt loves to edge you, and it pisses you off.

you roll your eyes and push him away, hopping off the sink. “no, i really do hate you.”

matt rolls his eyes, “oh, here we go again with that bullshit.”

you’re about to unlock the door and walk out of it before matt stops you. he swats your hand away from the door knob and walks closer to you until you’re up against the door.

“off,” he says, tugging at the fabric of your dress. and even though you said you hated him 5 seconds ago, you obey him.

he helps you wiggle out of your dress, you step out of it and slide it across the bathroom.

matt takes his belt off and unbuttons his jeans, you slide his boxers down to his ankles along with his jeans.

you’re still against the door when matt says, “jump.” you quickly obey, wrapping your legs around his hips. he uses the door to help not drop you, and you’re sure your back will hurt and have some bruises after this.

his dick is firmly pressing against your clit, and matt uses one arm to support you and the other to slide his dick inside your entrance. you hadn’t had his cock in a couple months, and it’s like it’s the first time again.

“oh fuck,” he groans. “still so tight. none of the other guys can stretch you like i do, huh?” he whispers into your ear.

“shut up and fuck me already, matt.” you reply bitterly.

“if you say so,” he whispers before bucking his hips into you so hard you think you might have a bruise.

“oh!” you gasp.

matt maintains eye contact with you, “you miss this dick?”

you nod as he continues to fuck into you, the door rattling against you.

“i don’t believe that, use your words, y/n.” he teases.

“i missed— oh fuck, missed your dick,” you whimper.

he pushed you harder against the door behind you so he could use his other hand to rub circles on your clit.

“well, i missed this pussy too. know it missed me back.”

your hole fluttered at his words which made him let out a soft groan. you felt his dick everywhere, in your soul.

he moved his hand away from your clit, leaving you trembling.

“m’back hurts,” you whined as he slid his dick in and out of you.

matt looked at you with sympathy, “i know baby… but we’re in a bathroom cause you’re jus’ so needy, so there’s not much room for me to fuck you like i want.”

this was true.

he rammed into you harder and faster, causing you to let out an almost pornographic shriek.

matt dryly laughed, “sound so pretty. such a pretty voice.”

you knew how much matt loved your career. the most famous pop girl at the moment wrapped around his finger. he loved watching your shows and seeing how all your female fans would bring their boyfriends to a concert and he’d watch their intense stares as you pranced around on stage in nothing but a tiny dress and heels. everyone wanted to fuck you or be you, and he loved that you were his in every way. but after the breakup, he’s gotten angry so of course he has to make up for lost time with a very intense fuck.

he slammed into you and pulled out just as quick, repeating this until he can feel your walls tightening against his lengthy cock.

“c’mon, baby. know your close, give it to me.” he whispered in your ear.

“oh god,” you moaned.

matt stopped fucking you, “s’not my name, baby.”

you whined, “fuck me, matt.” you said, putting emphasis on his name.

he smiled and started pounding into you again. “good job, baby. love when you use that pretty lil voice of yours.”

your nails scratched artwork onto his back, maybe breaking skin but matt didn’t mind at all.

“you gonna cum?” he taunted.

you nodded, “matt!”

“cum for me baby,” he demanded.

“oh god! oh, oh matt!” you said it correctly this time as your orgasm ripped through you. the first genuinely good one in two weeks.

matt didn’t slow down, he stayed fucking you through your orgasm.

“can’t!” you yelled.

matt shook his head, “you can. jus’ gimme one more. one more.”

you shut your eyes tightly gripping onto his back as tight as you can. you start squirming as your next orgasm approaches.

“m’cumming! oh! matt, i’m cumming!”

he nods, “i know baby.”

after you come down from your orgasm high, matt helps you adjust yourself so you look presentable to go back out into your party.

you reapply your lip gloss and run your fingers through your hair, combing them out. you fix your dress while matt hands you your panties.

“well, it was nice seeing you.” you say sweetly, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

“very nice.” he says with a smirk on his face. he adjusts his hair too before unlocking the door and holding it open for you. you’re greeted by a long line of upset faces waiting to use the bathroom.

you and matt make side eye each other as you walk away from the crowd, giggling.

you and matt both know you were never not each others.

[floralhuqzz]

Sexual tension (Johnnie Guilbert x fem reader) smut

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

Warning: smut, degradation, choking, petnames, virgin reader,, DONT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18🔞

🦇author: the edit thats in this post is not mine,, all credits to crystalcaskle on tiktok!!! :) I also apologize if theres any misspelled words english is not my first language!

♱

I woke up around 7 am when i decided to make myself some breakfast before i start streaming,, ive started youtube 1 year ago, around that time when i met Johnnie. Ive been living with him and Jake for the past 3 months and honestly its been going pretty good.

“whatcha’ making?”

“oh god dont scare me like that!” i slightly punch him in the shoulder

“sorry sorry.. it smells really good” he puts his arm around my shoulder and i blush.. i had a crush on him since when we first met

“you want some pancakes?” i look at him

“yeah, thanks” he pats my head, making my hair look like a mess

“i hate you” i roll my eyes

“you love me” he laughs as he sits down

‘i do..” i thought to myself

i make some coffee and more pancakes as i sit down next to Johnnie.

“are you doing something after?” he asks me while he keeps eating his pancakes

“yeah..i have to stream right now,, but im free afterwards” i smile

“wanna go out?” he finally looks at me,, he looked so beautiful,, his blue beautiful eyes.. his makeup he forgot to take off before bed that somehow still looked good on him.

“yeah..i would love to” i smile a little

i stand up

“i better go now, ill see you in 2 hours johnnie” i smile as i walk to my room

1 hour later*

i started streaming and i decided to react to some videos that my followers sent me,, they were usually sending edits of me or they will even sometimes send me memes. They all kinda supposed i had a crush on Johnnie, i just didn’t want to say anything just yet. They will sometimes send me edits of Johnnie and see my face turning red.

As one of my followers sent me this edit

When i watched that edit i said something that i will be definitely regretting later

“i volunteer..*cough* i mean what?..” i laugh

“WHAT DID SHE SAY” “DID WE HEAR THAT RIGHT?” “SHE JUST SAID I VOLUNTEER” “TELL ME THAT SOMEONE CLIPPED THAT”

“chat you are all crazy” i laughed

after another hour i decided to end the stream as i said my goodbyes

i walk to the living room as i see Johnnie sitting on the couch looking a bit serious

“you okay there?” i chuckle

“i need to talk to you”

oh no.

“yeah what is it?”

“mind explaining me this?” he shows me a clip of my reaction to that one edit on my stream

"oh um." i blush as i look away

"hm?" he stands up and walks towards me "cat got your tongue?"

i didnt say anything. i just stared at the floor

"i asked you something" he puts his hand on my chin

"it- it was just a joke, you know?" i chuckle awkwardly as i felt like i was about to pass out from embarassment

"it didnt seem like a joke to me" he stares at me

"yeah umm..." i start to walk back as he started to walk towards me, almost like trying to intimidate me

"whats wrong?" he smirks

"n-nothing" i finally bump into the wall behind me

"if you wanted to get fucked by me you couldve just said so"

"w-what?"

"dont play dumb"

"i-im no-" he grabs my neck

"lying to me wont get you anywhere" he stares at my shirt as he starts to put his hand inside my shirt

"j-johnnie what are y-" i could literally feel my heart beat racing by the second

"dont tell me you dont want this” he now started to kiss my neck

i felt like i was literally about to pass out from how hot i was in that moment. i couldn’t believe this was actually happening,,

“come here” he picks me up in bride style and sets up on walking to his bedroom,, he opens the door and throws me to his bed as he climbs on top of me

“fuck,, i wanted this for so long..” he starts to take off my shirt,, i felt hot between my legs

he started to kiss my stomach going down my hips. he slowly took off my pants and threw them on the floor

“johnnie wait!” he stops

“whats wrong? did i go too far??” he looks at me worried

“no no…its just that…its my first time..” i blush

“oh…” he smirks “ill make you feel good alright baby?,, you just have to trust me with this okay? can you do that for me?” he caresses my thigh. i nod as he then continued what he was doing earlier. he starts to kiss my chest going down my stomach, and finally reaching down to my panties.

“can i?” he started to kiss my inner thigh

“mhm” i nod

he slowly started to take off my panties as he then began to slowly eat me out. I’ve never in my life had been touched this way by anyone,, and knowing that the first person to take away my virginity was johnnie, it relieved me. i started to whimper as he suddenly started to go faster. his tongue was reaching all the right spots.

“fuck-“ i whimper as i felt him moan, sending vibrations to my core which gave me even more pleasure. i look down as i see him staring at me as he kept eating me out “johnnie fuck i-“ i moan

“come on baby, be a good girl and cum on my face” him calling me a ‘good girl’ sent me shivers down my spine.

“oh god oh god oh god-“ i throw my head back as i came

johnnie looks at me and caresses my thighs once again.

“you did so good baby..” he gets up and starts to kiss me. I see him unbuckling his pants.

“do you want this?” he asks

“yes…yes i do” i was so turned on by now that the only thing i wanted was him..and only him

“you will have to beg for it or ill leave you like this…needy…and you dont want that right princess?” he smirks

“n-no…” fuck he knew what he was doing. He waits for me to continue

“p-please johnnie..” i whimper as he lined himself to my entrance

“you can do better than that..” he looks at me dead in the eyes

“please johnnie i want your dick inside of me..” i beg,, i felt so embarrassed but turned on at the same time

“thats a good girl” he gets inside of my without a warning as i moaned from the sudden feeling

“for how long you’ve wanted this y/n? hm? tell me.” he began to move

“for a l-long time..” i moan, it felt like i was on cloud nine

He started to thrust harder and faster,, i felt like i was about to cum.

“j-johnnie i-im~” i whimpered and he put his hand on my leg and place it on his shoulder for better access which made the feeling 100 times better

“i know baby i know…fuck y-you feel amazing” he thrusted faster, “come on princess cum with me…” he moaned as we both cummed. We started to breath heavily,, with our hair sticking to our foreheads because of the sweat,, messy hair and red face but he still looked beautiful

“youre absolutely gorgeous..” i blush at his sudden comment

“i dont know if this is the right time but…i really like you..” he confesses

“i like you too johnnie…ive liked you for a very long time..” i smile at him as he kisses my forehead and we both fall asleep in each others arms.

[onlyjaeyun]

i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

[shark-myths]

hi!!!! ive probably sent an ask like this before but how do you keep up the motivation to finish a longer fic? whenever i start writing a fic i know will be long i end up abandoning it or getting bored or not knowing how to continue / end it. the few multichaptered fics ive posted are incomplete and i dont know when they’ll be finished. i have a couple of longer fics in drafts but it just feels like such a challenge to finish them. how do you do it?

ooh i love this question! i am proud of being a finisher--in all my years of writing fic (it's been... many), i have only ever once started posting something i didn't finish. i generally wait until i'm really confident i can finish a fic before i begin posting it. sometimes, as you may have experience in real time with Rosewood Lane, there is a looooong time between updates... but i usually like to keep an update schedule. giving myself deadlines works really well to motivate me and keep myself organized! i also tend to be a daily writer, i'm happiest when i have a little time to sit down every morning and work on a project, whether that's rereading, editing, or writing deeper into the story. i actually am usually trying to make my fics shorter than they end up, but i feel like most stories have their shape already and know how long they need to be to do what i want them to, and i'm merely hanging on. i would love to get better at writing short pieces. having cheerleaders and readers helps too! i find it so exciting to share updates with everyone.

when a story gets boring--and this does happen to me--i try to jump around and write any shred of it i can find that feels interesting, or i go back to the last part that felt interesting and either change or entirely scrap what comes after it that went flat for me. i also avoid any type of real outlining or plotting (sometimes this is pretty obvious in my finished product, oops) because once i know everything that's going to happen, the why and how and where of a story's arc, i lose interest in writing it. i'm in it for the surprise and whatever's coming around the bend! if i have it all planned out, there feels to be very little point in actually writing it--instead it starts to feel like a dreaded task to me. work, not writing.

i also sometimes leave stories alone for a long time. i did this with Footnote, and i did it with Dirty Enough to Love, and i did it with my 1950s au when it was too much GENDER and REALITY for me to deal with. these don't see the light of day while they're on the back burner; the pressure to post can turn right into avoidance and dislike of a project for me, which is why i am so slow to start posting a story even when a significant portion is already written.

so i guess, writing tips from a shark, tl;dr version:

give yourself a schedule for writing and posting that feels organized and manageable

don't rush to start posting, this can turn an unfinished story into a task you want to avoid

find someone you can share your excitement with, whether they're in the fandom or not, and talk about your ideas and intentions with them

trust the length a story wants to be

also, trust yourself about the length of story you interested in writing

if it's boring, try telling it differently. jump ahead, jump back, delete the scene that got you stuck, change something, drop part of the narrative, skip some time or detail

don't be afraid to abandon something and come back to it months or years later

create more mystery and unknowns in the story to keep yourself interested. hide things from yourself! throw wrenches in your best-laid plans! let your characters completely sabotage you! obscure the path ahead so you are interested by the task of finding it again.

whatever you do, just keep writing. you will have a lifelong relationship to the craft and it will change over time, like our bodies, like the seasons. be where the joy is right now and don't get too worried about where you want to be later.

thank you for the thoughtful question! happy writing 💜

[muzzledmikey]

2 + 7 + 12 + 15 + 18 + 24 + 27 for that one character ask game?

ANON I OWE YOU MY LIFE THANK YOOOOUUUU

How long have these two characters known each other?

this one's interesting! astrid & fitz are siblings so they've known each other since astrid was born (5 years after fitz) but they both fucked off pretty hard as adults. fitz for his gay science degree (dont ask me the specifics i dont know) and astrid skipped town and hit the road for colorado. ended up wrapped up in some shady shit but living her best life truly. they knew each other as kids and now dont anymore. when fitz takes astrid as a subject instead of her getting locked up she thinks itll be the better option and at first it is but then fitz gets #POISONED and gets rlly mean. all this to say theyve been strangers for a long time. siblings to strangers my beloved

How often do they see each other? Where do they usually meet?

this kind of builds off of the last one! as i mentioned they were complete strangers for maybe 10 or so years? once astrid gets taken in as one of fitz' subjects they see each other regularly but not constantly. but as fitz begins his descent into madness he spends more and more time with her because he thinks he's doing the right thing. astrid can't exactly leave her cell so that's where they meet LOL

Do they have any affection for each other? How do they show it?

GODDDDDDDDDDDD. i think fitz does his best not to think about astrid during the time they're apart. it doesn't work really he's still her older brother & that's a part of him he can't get rid of but he doesn't send the letters he writes. he doesn't know where he'd even send them to. he follows the headlines and news reports, keeps an eye on her as much as he can, but doesn't interfere, he couldn't, even if he wanted to. astrid doesn't spare him a second thought. she's not the girl he used to know, so she doesn't know him anymore either. when fitz takes her in they have maybe a month or so of tentative bonding? astrid is still trapped, still his subject, still a criminal, but she can care about him even if she doesn't trust him. fitz tries to balance his duties as a scientist with the fact that shes his sister and fails miserably. he quickly loses sight of her personhood and sees her almost more like a pet. something to fix and be responsible for. as fitz gets worse and worse it kind of forces astrid to care about him again? she has to hold on to the memories she has of who he used to be and therefore remember he used to love her. astrid shows that she cares in the desperation in her voice when she asks fitz not to hurt her. fitz shows he cares by making her perfect.

Do they trust each other? Why or why not?

FUUUUUCK NO!!!!!!!!! they haven't trusted each other since they were kids. as they grew up they kind of learned they're both awful LOLLL wven before Everything they became extremely dishonest and self preserving people, astrid especially. trust no one but yourself kinda deal.

Do they view their relationship as temporary or permanent?

astrid doesn't think of just about anything as permanent tbh. especially not fitz. they were siblings by circumstance. she always knew they'd leave each other. fitz i think is more philosophical about it all? he believes the two of them are bound by fate. that's why he's the only one who can make her perfect. that's his job as an older brother, right? without him she'd be dead. all those years apart he was watching over her. he never interfered, of course, but it was his prescence that kept her alive. <- it goes without saying this is not true and he is a crazy bitch.

How do these two interact with each other in public versus in private?

this one's also interesting. im choosing to interpret it in the sense of how fitz talks about astrid publicly (in advertisements, press conferences, etc) vs. in private. he definitely bluffs about how well its going and severely overstates astrid's health. all the footage of her that's released is heavily edited because he doesn't want anyone to know how sick she really is. he exhibits the same sense of ownership publicly or privately, though. no matter what she's His Creation. it might be astrid's name in lights but she belongs to him.

How far would they go for each other? Would they risk their own lives for each other?

astrid wouldn't. fuck no. maybe she'd risk her life if she knew it would get him back to who he was but even then ..... she'd hesitate. save herself first. and honestly she should. she might be the worst but fitz has only ever taken from her. he doesn't deserve her mercy. fitz i think wpuld risk his life but again out of a sense of ownership. the way you'd be protective of a painting you spent hours on or something. she's his pride and joy. a show pony. something to keep in a cage and flaunt.

sorry this is so long i am crazy. thank u for indulging me anon

[junietuesday]

also. just choose a question you really want to answer and do it >:)

currently answering fic writer asks!

17. talk about your writing and editing process

ive been asking people this one since i think its interesting how it differs for everyone, so thought i’d answer it myself! basically i’ll get hit w a very loose concept, and depending on how casual it is or if i think i need to get my thoughts in order before writing, i’ll either jump straight into it or write a bullet point “outline”. basically just a super informal brainstorm, talking abt possibly the themes/ideas i want to explore, some events i might throw in and how best to order them, and/or if i already have a vivid picture of the sequence of events, then i’ll just straight up write it out, no grammar or anything, but w the dialogue i can already picture, explaining the thoughts that the character is having, occasionally depending on how clearly i can already imagine the scene, the “outline” isnt super far off from actual prose. i’ll put a picture from one of my docs at the end, but its all just super rambly talking myself through the thought process.

then the actual writing- i usually write everything in order, bc i need to know where the character’s head is at and what theyve already thought abt in the previous scenes. i’ll keep the ideas from my outline in mind if i made one, but i dont stick to it religiously or anything, usually just going w the flow of what feels right for the characters in the moment means i end up straying a lot from any specifics. “going w the flow of what feels right” is honestly how i get the initial draft done lol, just based on vibes. if the start of a fic just isnt feeling fun, its often bc i tried to start too early in the timeline and am just vamping w too much inner monologue- ive been trying to work on starting as “in media res” as possible, not just per fic but per scene, w only a paragraph or so max interlude before getting into actual events and dialogue. i try to really sprinkle in the introspection in between the action, and to stop overexplaining, i just say certain stuff without context but that the reader can read into and fill in all the blanks, instead of me spending ages rambling abt stuff the reader could figure out on their own. if i get stuck somewhere, i rely on that trick a lot of counting back like 5-10 sentences to see if you wrote yourself into a corner.

i dont really do formal “drafts”, bc i edit as i write. i hear so many people say not to do this bc it gets in the way of just getting words down, but if im going back and rereading what ive written so far to think abt what to write next, i cant rest if i see weird sentence/paragraph rhythms, repeated words, places w dialogue that either doesnt sound in-character or doesnt carry enough double meaning, lazy imagery, etc etc. editing is also fun for me, and easier than writing from scratch, so im still working on the fic but its giving me a break so i can get into writing the next part w more steam. though when i “finish” a fic, i will go over the whole thing again for one last flow check, bc when writing i dont usually read the whole thing start to finish, so i’ll rearrange stuff and not see how it affects the greater rhythm of the story until i reread it in full for the final check. then i’ll give it like overnight to clear my head, then do one last quick reread for anything glaring i missed after having stared at this fic for so long (it usually takes me Months to write even 1-2k word long fics💀). i start looking for a title when im pretty close to done, usually from poems/literature, but if its a more casual fic i’ll just take a word or phrase from the fic that relates to the story in multiple ways.

under a cut for length but heres some of my outline for my transfem hardwon fic. bc it has elements of both “brainstorming” and “writing out the events”

i think i may break this up into two chapters. or perhaps even three. but my problem was that i thought itd be weird to suddenly jump away from moonshine and the crick for one scene only to go back for the whole rest of the fic. but if i have ch1 be the intro, ch2 be hardwon maybe in irondeep visiting jaina and nerman and such and talk to jaina abt queerness after a confrontation w other dwarves, and then ch3 be coming back to the crick for the finale of him opening up to moonshine/the ending smut… i lowkey think this could work. still be a bit of a jump but separating them into chapters will at least mitigate some of that weirdness i hope. ch1 awakening, ch2 irondeep interlude, ch3 homecoming? idk i like homecoming for ch3 bc hes coming home to the crick and moonshine, also the play on words for the smut in his stump, also coming home to his body after discovering his gender. and i want ch1 to match but i want it to be like discovery but also hardwon repressing it. so a word that evokes that too.

i think i need one more scene in here kind of getting into a showcase of hardwon’s defensive masculinity? showcasing all the things i have hardwon contemplating in the finale bc it cant come out of left field in the last paragraphs of the fic. like the idea that hes like. hes “succeeded” at masculinity. he worked so hard his whole life to be exactly what society wants him to be. a cool buff stoic warrior. this was supposed to be what made him fit in, what made people like him. and maybe it didnt work back in irondeep when he was working in the mines, but he could rationalize that if he left, maybe then it’d work. and it honestly has protected him in a way. like on first glance no one gives him shit. if he were more femme than he probably wouldve gotten mocked. but like- exactly. he Was already getting mocked no matter what he does. and hes still not happy w himself.

so for irondeep first scene it has to maybe start w some introspection to bridge the timeskip but have to be an actual example i think. hardwon talking to someone else. maybe like random people he was at the dwarphanage with? random bronzebeard cousins? i need a reason for hardwon to be talking w these people, maybe its some kind of party? to feel like the feywild party he and moonshine were going to wasnt completely out of pocket

and then after this is the talking to jaina scene. maybe the morning after or smth. it needs to be the last scene that he opens up to jaina to lead into him having the courage to open up to moonshine more fully in the last chapter

also idk if i can fit it in but while i dont want to spend Too much time on bodily dysphoria i think i might throw in something abt hardwon never really feeling like his body was right, bc he was a human among dwarves, then a half-elf, something cobbled together always one of a kind and strange, so it surely means nothing that his face never felt like his, there was always that sense of disconnection, now that hes at the crick and known moonshine for so long he thought he’d be feeling better, but its a wound that still lingers

i think moonshine needs to confront it directly somehow. after all the only way he admitted his feelings for moonshine was after jaina prodded him a bunch. scene starts w some hardwon introspection to bridge the timeskip. maybe moonshine finds the hardwon portrait after the fact. or just says like “hey hardwon you know you can talk to me abt anything right?” hardwon is like omg this is so ominous. “um yeah totally. why?” moonshines just like “i guess youve just seemed kinda off lately”, maybe hes been a lot more closed off around her trying not to reveal anything, “and i know you like to keep those walls up, but… let me in every once in awhile, huh?” she asks quietly, “are you not happy living here?” and hardwon immediately goes “no no, its been amazing, i love it here. im happier than ive ever been.” in fact hes thinking like until he met moonshine he didnt even realize the extent of how deeply unhappy he was. like he was just surviving day to day back in irondeep before he left, and now that hes living here at the crick, the difference is like night and day, he still has bad days but its only now that he realizes his “good days” from before were still like so bad. he was so busy surviving before, unwilling to look too closely at himself for fear of just breaking down, and moonshine has opened up his world so much, that only now is he discovering new things he likes (like how much he loves crick food and culture) and new feelings abt himself (security in himself. belonging and family. in a sexual sense, things hes done w moonshine and also being bi lol). and this strange new thing he doesnt understand, now that his brain is letting things come to the surface he’d never had the space to process before.

so he says “its just me. im just figuring things out.” and moonshine goes “alright. i wont push, ik you need to figure things out for yourself sometimes. but…im here for you if you ever want it.” and hardwon is like what am i doing? what am i so afraid of? moonshine opened her home and her heart to him already. given him a special place in her life that she’s allowed to so few other people. she was there for him throughout their journey. if everything before hadnt pushed her away, if she really wants him here, asking her for help in understanding a weird feeling he has isnt going to be the thing that ruins their relationship. cant make this toooooo revelatory bc theres still the final scene but yknow. him cracking the wall a little. more abt him willing to let moonshine in a little but the finale is him accepting Himself after all the self-degrading language.

ends w hardwon admitting that he liked it when moonshine called him pretty. moonshine goes “oh is that it?” and hardwon frowns like its kinda a big deal, i was lowkey freaking out abt it… moonshine goes no no i just meant like. i can do that.

[esotericas-sims]

As storytellers, there are so many pieces of our craft and I'm curious how you would rank each step of the process. Rank each of the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 lowest, 5 highest):

Setting up the scene (building sets, decorating, etc),

Posing the sims (creating / find poses, and setting up the sims),

Styling the sims (cc hunting, time spent in cas),

Writing the dialogue/story,

Editing the photos.

Send to three other story simblrs and get to know more about each others favorite and least favorite part of this crazy process!

thank you for the ask!!! and thank you @crvptyd for tagging me in the non-ask version of this :D

☆: editing the photos

i really really hate editing. i love the *look* of a really nice edit, but i'm. so lazy. thats why my posts almost never have text/overlays or anything. i just.... can't stand it. my current editing process is done in a photo editing app on my phone (incredibly inconvenient, don't recommend) but i've smoothed it out to adding a custom filter, and then adding the glow effect, so it's as fast as possible. anything longer and i will simply hate every second of it

☆☆: writing the dialogue/story

this one is a bit mixed for me. i love writing dialogue itself(☆☆☆☆), i love little character interactions, and i wish there was an aesthetically pleasing way to add text to my screenshots that didnt take forever on my phone. writing the STORY however is another question. i really really struggle with plotting. i usually have a great sense of a scene and the characters but i really dislike planning out long plots, thus why the fix it save is plotless, and why ive been doing so much actual gameplay the past few months

☆☆☆: styling the sims

i want to be the kind of person whos sims are really accessorized, with fun makeup, different hairstyles.... but i'm just not. i play on a laptop so my window size is pretty limited, and i have a lot of cc in my game. i can't manage more than 3 columns in cas without it going offscreen and its just... so much scrolling... i've been working on using more accessories lately bc i LOVE the look, but its not my favorite

☆☆☆☆: posing the sims

i love shopping for poses, but actually using the poses is just such a pain. different naming conventions & my own very disorganized mod folders makes it just... so hard to find the pose i'm looking for. is the pose labelled "seated" or "sitting"? or is it labelled "chair"? maybe "table"? et cetera. PAINFUL. i've finally smoothed out some of this by just having a temp one-time pose folder, and only bothering to use poses in that folder, so i don't have to dig around through my whole pose library for everything. now that i have that setup, it's been much smoother & more fun to use poses, so i've been much happier! i tried to make my own once and had medium success but i dont cuuurrently feel particularly inspired to keep making more. maybe if i find a niche that is unfilled

☆☆☆☆☆: setting up the scene

ironically this one is also kind of mixed. i LOVE building shells, and i've developed a real love for landscaping recently. it is so so calming to just pull up my build inspo pinterest board and make shells, i could literally do it all day, but the second it comes to interiors i get so frustrated. i can do a furniture layout fine, but my standards for cluttering are higher than my patience for cluttering and i inevitably get sick of it after one room and give up. i've been doing manon and vincente's house room-by-room as i need it for screenshots which has actually helped a lot, but that's not a very good method for gameplay.

[ericstoltz]

life update!!!!

hi hello friends good morning good afternoon good evening its that time of the month again! this isnt really a big life update like the last time bcs i just thought id list down a bunch of things ive had on my mind.

first of all, im very happy to announce that i was able to watch 16 movies last march !! exciting!! i know ive said the last time that i quit the bingewatching thing but HONESTLY im in a work from home setup and the only way to keep me inspired is by watching a movie ... i am yet to find other ways to stay inspired so watching movies will just do for now... ALSO im gonna try to update my newsletter for the first time this year and itll probably be about the movies that i saw this march that i liked ! im now comfortable with turning the newsletter to be more about movies bcs nothing major has been happening in my life lol . so pls stay tuned for that newsletter post if ur interested!

another thing is ive decided to make this blog more personal! for the past year ive made this blog to be more about movies and gifs and stuff, and as much as i love getting the notes and reading ppl's tags, im going to try and make this blog work for me this time :) hope it doesnt get annoying or something... im also in the process of fixing my about pages and tags and all. ive used tumblr since 2012 so im still struggling with the setup. LIKE yes i want to maximize the fact that you can edit html pages and its cute and lets me be creative but at the same time, im on my phone majority of the time . and i dont like being on my laptop after work because ive literally just been using a laptop the whole day. for work. im rly shy to post some stuff about me (bcs i havent done it before fr insert the tom hanks dialogue from joe vs the volcano abt doing some soul searching and coming to the conclusion that hes just boring so he stops doing it) so if u see me doing it as an attempt to fix the personal pages on my blog, im sorry! AAAND as for the gifs thing, im thinking of changing my film diary tag, one thing i really enjoy is taking note of dialogues i love from a movie so i might just do screenshots. i really miss making gifs even though most of the gifs i end up with are LQ , but it just really isnt feasible now . (also some movies are just so tempting to gif LIKEEE valley girl and everytime we say goodbye 😭😭 it physically hurts me that i cant gif josh whitehouse and tom hanks in those movies....)

ALSO im really very very happy that ive gained new followers recently. i enjoy chatting with you guys and get so happy whenever i get the notif that someone sent me an ask/message!! ive been idle on stan twt/fandoms in general so its been a really long time since ive actually... talked to people... it makes me really happy talking to u and im sorry if my happiness doesnt show in my replies/posts. as i said, its been a while since ive done this and i usually go on here as soon as im off work (when my brain is semi-fried and the words are not wording anymore) . i hope i dont come across as bored/uninterested :(

and it isnt just about fandoms too, im genuinely insterested what u guys are up to lately and all... (in a non stalker way). it just feels nice to have friends in general ^__^

SO YEA, i think thats about it :) if u've read this all until here ilysm! thanks for ur interest and lmk how ur day was! or just send me something u want to talk about !

have a nice day :)

[aouralune]

hi! i just wanted to say that I LOVE your tbb art. it is super inspiring to have someone around my age making such realistic-looking art. whenever i get discouraged that my art doesn't look good because im have not had enough experience, your blog reminds me that you dont have to be an adult who has been painting for 20 years.

p.s. the edit that you made about a month ago abt unwhitewashing tbb was super. i hope you have some happy holidays!

HI!! OMG, I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE 😭

Awhh, you're so fkn sweet, I'm so happy and grateful that you like my art and that it helps motivate you! 😭🫶

Skill isn't necessarily set in age. You can start at any age, it doesn't really matter! Anyone can draw, as long as they have time and minimal resources! Sure, your art gets "better" by time and gets easier the more you do it and the better resources you have, but as long as you have the mind of an artist and a smidge of patience, your art will improve and follow you through your life. 🫶

And THANK YOU for acknowledging the edit I made about unwhitewashing tbb! I think it's important to show humans for who we really are. You can't just take away someone's culture and ethnicity and pretend it doesn't exist. Diversity is important and beautiful and shouldn't be taken away. Especially not to make a person more "appealing" or "better." And also that you shouldn't ignore it simply 'cause it's not about your own culture, I myself am Scandinavian but that doesn't change my opinion at all. Humans are humans. No matter how they may look nor where they're from. Star Wars is for all and usually has a wide range of cultures in it, but TCW and TBB were really disappointing.

Hope your holidays were amazing, and keep on with your art! Sorry for the long wait and long response! 🫶

[starlightkun]

hi! i hope you’re doing well :)

i was wondering, how often do you write? and how much do you write during one writing session? or do you not care about the word count at all?

i usually open at least one of my word docs every day, even just to make small edits (i edit as i write, i dont save all my editing for when the whole thing is finished, though i do still proof a fic multiple times before it's posted). i don't have any sort of writing goals for myself when it comes to word count or how often i write or even editing every day like i just said. having any sort of rules (or even "guides" or "suggestions") would make approaching writing way too intimidating for me and just put way too much pressure and stress on something that's supposed to be fun for me. writing fic is truly one of the things that i can confidently say i love and i do for myself (i post so others can read, but i ultimately write for me) and i always want to keep it as something that i look forward to doing at the end of the day, not dread.

i understand for some writers, having a daily or weekly word goal is helpful, but i'd always recommend setting that really low (500 words/day or smth) bc you can always surpass it and be happy and motivated to write even more, but if you set it way too high (5000 words/day) you'll probably never be able to meet that every day and will feel like you've failed at something that was supposed to be fun, and then dread opening that word document.

if i can feel that i've gotten stuck on a wip, i let myself work on other wips, or not write at all. your mind will continue working in the background while you do other stuff (sleep, shower—why so many good ideas come to us in the shower, read other people's fic). i just try to stay aware of when i've officially been avoiding a wip for "too long." this can be any amount of time, depending on how internally motivated i am to finish it, but often times coming back two weeks, a month later with fresh(er) eyes, i can then try to figure out what was making me stuck and try to solve it (whether it was pacing—usually the culprit, how all these disjointed scenes i have planned are going to go together, they confessed—now what?, etc.)

so yeah, while some days i may write almost 10k (insane), 5k, 2k (more typical), there's others where im purposefully avoiding my wips. i also don't ever have a target total word count in mind when i start a fic. sometimes i think an idea is just going to be a "cute 5k" and then it ends up at over 20k (which seems to....always happen) and sometimes i get an idea and i know that in order to fully explore it like i want, it's going to be an investment of 20-50k. but if it ends up longer or shorter, that's never really intentional on my part. i just write until it's done

[crescencestudio]

Devlog #33 | 07.26.23

Hi everyone!

It's only been a month (per usual) since the last devlog. But it feels like so long ago! Very weird that last devlog I hadn't even released Intertwine yet. But here we are, back with another one!

Before we get into things, I want to extend the biggest thank you to everyone who has played and supported intertwine!

if you havent played yet, here it is. this is me on my knees asking because i am quite proud of it and what our team accomplished in two months!

in the almost month it's been out, we stand at almost 15k total plays and 200+ reviews which is so crazy to me. i never would've expected that kind of reception for our little game and when i say it has been so motivating for alaris!!! u dont even know!!!

thank you again for all the kind words---i know you are all Sick of me talking about it but i don't know how else to express my gratitude <3 it means so much to me ;_;

I wanted to make sure I inserted an official section for it in the Devlog just to really thank you all for the support. But with that, I shall get into the updates!

But not before a quick belated happy birthday to Fenir!

Writing

I posted it earlier this week, but I HAVE!!! THE MOST EXCITING NEWS!!! At least for me.

I FINISHED DRUK'S FIRST DRAFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We all know how long this has been in the making. I've been talking about his route for what feels like an eternity. Evidently, it's Very Normal to experience burnout, struggles with motivation, creative ruts, etc. etc. at this point in development. The initial and final stages of development are easier because your motivation is up. In the beginning, it's like Wow!! This is Fun!! And towards the end, it's like Wow!!! I actually Fckn Made It!!!!

And so the middle part of development, aka the stage I just entered with Druk's route, is the slog.

Now that I've overcome that initial hurdle, while I'm not near the end of development, I do feel like I will have a better handle of progress on the following routes since I have a better set of expectations and tools on how to get through this stage (compared to when I initially started Druk's route, and I was like what are all these Feelings?? Why am I Struggling so much??).

That being said, WE ARE OVER HALFWAY DONE WITH THE SCRIPT! It currently stands at 200k words including the demo, and with how each of the routes have been shaping up, we have about 150k left to go. Wow!!!!! It is crazy to know I've written that much for Alaris, and this feels like such an exciting milestone to know that I'm over halfway there for the script!

We also have just about wrapped up Fenir's developmental edits, so that makes Kayn and Fenir's foundational versions of their routes done (all that would be left at this point is line tweaking and/or revisions based on beta feedback)!! Overall, this was a really exciting month for writing updates, and I'm so happy to feel back on track with Alaris development <3 I also finished my dissertation proposal in case anyone is keeping track of that HEEHOO

Art

Most of my attention for art was (un?)fortunately on Intertwine this month AGAIN. I really had anticipated being able to dive right into Alaris and irl work this month after Otojam ended. But the reception to Intertwine made it so I needed to dedicate some time to "marketing" artwork aka the artwork I like to make when reaching certain milestones of support (e.g., 1k downloads, etc.). Obviously these aren't necessary, but I like to show my thanks and appreciation in some way, and the artwork is what feels best conveys my gratitude.

Because we hit milestones relatively quickly, I ended up having to make those pieces faster than I anticipated prior to release. So I spent the first half of this month mostly on intertwine "promotional/apprecation" artwork. Near the tail end of this month though, I've prioritized Alaris artwork and have made progress on both the Kickstarter physical rewards and some CG sketches!

sneaky peeky of pretty mermay Aisa

Vui continues to hit it out of the park with the backgrounds. Most of them are spoilers at this point. But I do have one that isn't too bad of a spoiler! And because you all have been so supportive and patient with me, I show hehe

vui and his bg mastery: a preview of the dragon springs

The demo mentions dragon springs (I..... think......... LMAO), and here is a preview of what those dragon springs can look like. Wonder what the context will be in which we visit them, teehee! I'm in love with the way Vui brings the fantasy world of Alaris to life. I am so grateful for him ^^

Market Research

My wrist was feeling ~delicate~ this month due to Otojam crunch and then post-release pieces. So I don't have any actual art pieces to showcase this month for market research. I did play Otojam games and started Cupid Parasite (ryuki and allan my beloveds). But crescence's wrist needs to relax LOL. So no art pieces more than necessary for this month!

I will send some love to my besties over at Ravenstar Games though! If you haven't heard, they have a game currently in development called Lost in Limbo. It looks sick as hell, and the team is unbelievable talented and hardworking. This month to celebrate Barbie, they were able to sneak this promotional piece in, even while working on their Master's ((Do you see...... a familiar group of people..... heh))

Alaris x Lost in Limbo x Barbie the collaboration of the century

That's all from me for now. Thank you again for all the support and love on Intertwine! I've truly cherished all the fanwork, reviews, kind messages, etc.

That being said, while it was a bit of a struggle getting back returning to the Alaris world initially (I was literally like what.... was the plot of this again... LMAOsazodujf), it's been so rewarding to return to my OG gang. The intertwine release and return to Alaris work has also been strangely sentimental since it's reminded me how far I've come in the two years I've been in this dev Thang. As always thank you for your continued support (and for supporting Alaris since it's inception when I was a Wee Dev), and I look forward to bringing you more updates in the future <3

See you all next month, and stay safe!

[louscartridge]

mileven x reader

cw- semi un-edited bc im not doing this rn, violance, angst, i (kinda) changed some things, STRANGER THINGS SEASON 4 SPOILERS!!, swearing, i forget tbh i wrote this like a month ago im trying yall.

​

request/sumerry-  When you get a chance can you do a one shot with mileven x reader but in season 4 where instead of max, vecna goes after the reader instead and mike, Jonathan, will and eleven are there with Steve, max , Dustin and Lucas and they are there trying to help like the same thing with what happened to max at the cemetery but with the reader and they are visiting her dad that passed . And while Dustin was calling for nasty he gets in touch with mike and they are already back in and weren’t too far and then they see the reader begin to float and mike and el panic. Mike gets really angry because of what happened and fearful and that they should have came back sooner and basically fluff and angst. (Sorry this is a lot)

-----------------------------------------------------------

the ride to the graveyard was painfully silent, you sat in the middle of el and mike, dustin in the passenger seat and steve in the driver's seat along with jonathan, will, max and lucas following behind you guys.

“turn here.” you said bluntly, staring out the window.

dustin turns his head around from the front seat to look at you “here?” you nod you head in response as he keeps looking at you for a few more seconds as steve turns into the graveyard.

“y/n?” mike hurriedly ran towards you with el following closely behind.

“guys please just wait in the car.” you yelled to them but this only served to make them run faster.

“y/n just wait! y/n, please.” mike pleaded while you kept walking up the hill to your dad’s grave.

“guys just wait-”

“just listen to me. just- please” mike pleaded, the two of them running even faster now.

“i know something happened back there with your mother.” he stated but his tone revealed how worried he was. there was a pregnant pause, everyone quiet for a moment.

“was it vecna?” el asks quietly trying to make eye contact with you, but you look everywhere that isn’t her.

she carefully studies your movements, the way you avoid eye contact with both her and mike more than usual, the way you chewed your lip anxiously, the way you absentmindedly fiddled with the zipper on your jacket.

you notice your actions and decide to look up at el. you held the eye contact for as long as you could, but you had to break it away.

“i told you; im fine. okay?” you can feel the tears welling in your eyes.

“i mean, im as fine as someone who’s hurtling towards a gruesome death can be.”

you trailed off, brushing the stray tears that fall off of your cheeks. quickly blinking the tears away, you look at mike, then down, then back to your left. it was quiet again for a second and you could see el going to move but she changes her mind.

“y/n.” mike says again but doesnt say anything after, nor do you.

el then decides to move again but goes through with it this time, pulling you into a hug. you dont hug her back but she still stays there, he arms wrapped around your torso tightly. when she doesn’t remove herself after a while, you open your arms, unwrapping hers from you. she thought you were going to hug her back but when you didnt she steps back to where she was before, next to mike.

“you know you can talk to us.” mike assures you.

“yeah, i know that.”

“okay, then why do you keep pushing us away?”

mike huffs when you don’t respond.

“okay look,” mike pulls a letter out of his back pocket, motioning to el and she quickly does the same.

“we dont need a letter. we dont want a letter. just talk to us. talk to your friends. they’re right here. we are right here.”

“okay? we’re here” el adds.

“just wait in the car. i wont be long.” you ignore both of them and run to your father’s grave.

————-

you swear you had been staring at your dad’s grave for hours now but surely you hadn’t, steve would be nagging at you to come back down.

“dear ronnie. i dont even know if you can hear this but i’ll say it anyway. two years ago i would have said ‘that’s ridiculous, impossible.’ but that was before i found out you would be dragged into me and my friend’s dangers, so.... im just going to get to the point. so much has happened since you left. me and mom started getting into fights. bad fights. i dont think she could stand being here without you. so she left. and she didnt leave me much. ive been living with my boyfriend and i got another job with steve. basically ever since you left, everything’s been.. a total disaster. and the worst part is, i cant tell anyone where you’ve gone. that you saved el’s life. that you saved my life-”

you stop for a moment, the tears welling up in your eyes blurring your vision.

“i play that moment back in my head all the time. and sometimes i imagine myself running to you, pulling you away from it all.”

you stopped again to wipe a tear.

“i imagine that if i had, that you would still be here.” you continue to read the letter you wrote for him about 2 hours ago, inbetween sniffles and sobs.

“everything would be right again. i imagine that we- that we couldve- that we couldve had a good, or at least better relationship. like- like a real father and child. i know that’s stupid. you hated me. i hated you. but i thought maybe. maybe we could try again.”

at this point you could feel steve, el, and mike intensly staring at you so you looked over to them but they all turned away and dustin started talking to steve acting as if they weren’t all being the nosy-ist people alive right now.

you roll your eyes irritably, looking back at your dads grave and down to the paper in your hand and continued reading your painfully long letter.

“but thats not what happened. i just- i just stood there. and i watched. for a while i tried to be happy. normal. but i.... i think a part of me died that day too. and i haven’t told anyone this. i- i just cant.”

you flip the letter over taking in a deep breath, ready to finish this. you cursed to yourself, annoyed at how long you had made this, hoping you didn’t make everyone else’s as long.

“if you can even hear this; i really hope that you can... im sorry... im so so sorry ronnie. love your shitty child y/n.”

as you closed the letter you could hear thunder  crashing above you and the sky began to darken quickly.

then you started hearing... clocks? you were outside, there are no clocks?

“y/n...” a familar voice drags.

———

steve looks at his watch, impatiently tapping his finger on the car door.

“alright, its been long enough.” steve says firmly, walking up the hill to y/n.

“steve just give her some time.” mike protests.

“i have.”

“y/n!” steve yells making his way up to you but you dont respond.

“time to giddy up, yeah?” he pants lightly hitting your shoulder, but you still don’t respond.

he steps in front of you seeing your eyes glossed over with white, your body completely frozen. he grabs your shoulder, shaking it roughly.

“y/n? y/n. y/n! y/n!” each time he says your name the panic in his voice rises.

“y/n…” the familiar voice says.

the voice is distorted, preventing you from knowing who it could be, all you know is that you’ve definitely heard the voice before.

“i’ve been waiting to hear those words, y/n.” you cant pinpoint where the voice is coming from. it surrounds you, almost like it’s coming from you. you slowly stand up and walk around in a circle, searching for where it could be coming from. you were still in the graveyard, except you cant see anyone who had come with you.

“i waited so very long.”

the voice starts to manifest itself in front of you, and you see someone slowly walking up to you.

“dad?”

“wake up!” steve shakes you still trying to get you out of your trance-like state. “hey!” he lets go of your shoulder to clap next to your ear.

“hey, are they ok?” will ask jonathan who is sat next to him. they still haven’t gotten out of the car.

“what do you mean?” max laughs behind will, sitting sideways facing lucas because they had been playing pattycake.

“nice job letting Jonathan answer!” lucas snickers hitting max’s hand harder than before.

“no, shut up. listen. do you hear that? that’s steve yelling.”

jonathan rolls down his window and sticks his head out.

“hey are they ok?” he shouts to everyone infront of him. he doesn’t wait for a reply, quickly getting out of the car.

dustin looks up from above the car, standing on the bottom of the door, lucas slowly getting up off of the hood of the car, and mike and el get off the trunk of the car looking up to where you and steve are.

“ohh something is wrong” el whispers, steve calling your name still echoing throughout the graveyard.

“guys!” steve shouts to everyone at the bottom of the hill, waving frantically and motioning for them to come up and help. el was the first one to start running, and the first person to reach the top of the hill.

———

time. time seemed to be going by so slowly. you felt like you’d been in this place for hours but your logic told you that you couldn’t have been. you assumed you were in the upside down, your surroundings were familiar and you recognised them from the last time you were here. all of a sudden the sound of the chiming clocks stopped, and all that could be heard was your heavy breathing and the cruel words and assumptions your dad spat at you.

“you have sometimes wished to follow me.” he growled. he just wouldn’t stop. one thing after another but then he pauses, the sound of clocks starting up again.

“follow me into death - that is why i am here y/n.” you rapidly start shaking your head and start saying ‘no’ over what he’s saying, trying to drown out his voice.

“to end your suffering once and for all.” he boomed.

you didn’t even realize he was walking closer and closer to you and you were walking backwards until you fell, you breathing getting heavier.

looking back up to your dad - suddenly he didn’t look like your dad anymore. instead this creature was a lot taller than him, wider too. it looked as if he didnt have the first few layers of skin. all pink and purple and covered in veins. you stare at the thing in fear and confusion, unable to take your eyes off it.

it was vecna.

“it is time y/n” it says tauntingly slow with more distortion than before.

“time for you to join me.”

you quickly get up, tripping and contiue to run as fast as you can. where? you dont know. but you just ran.

———

“y/n! y/n you gotta get outta there!” mike says shaking your shoulder roughly.

“can you hear me?” el speaks into your ear, stood next to mike waving her hand infont of your face.

almost everyone was yelling frantically, desperate to try and wake you up.

however steve wasn’t. he kept pacing back and forth behind everyone, and jonathan watched him pace until he remembered a certain someone.

“oh my god nancy! did anyone hear from nancy yet? is she ok?” jonathan quickly says, now pacing himself as steve stops to look at him. nancy and robin. they were supposed to be talking to victor creel about this to see if he could help.

“call nancy and robin!” steve yells out of nowhere pulling dustin’s shirt, and pushing him towards the car.

“go get ‘em! call nancy and robin! go!”

the continued shouting drowns out the sound of dustin rolling and falling as he heads for the car.

“shit!” “shit shit shit! shit shit shit!” he curses, running faster than he had ever ran before.

this is his best friends significant other and he was not going to let them die. no matter what.

after missing the walkie a few times he finally got it. “nancy? robin? do you copy? this is a code red. do you copy?” he yells into the font of the walkie talkie. “shit. robin!” he yells even louder, still not getting a response.

———

you’d been running so fast, your legs ached and you desperately tried to pull air into your lungs. you stop, hiding behind a brick wall. leaning on the wall, you slowly peek around the corner and see the vecna again. you whip your head back around suddenly.

“you cannot hide from me y/n” vecna continued to threaten you.

———

“robin where the hell are you? this is a code red! i repeat! this is a code red!”

“dustin it’s robin. we copy.”

“holy shit finally. please please please tell me you have this shit figured out!” he exclaims in frustration and relief. if anyone were to see him now they would think of a baby throwing a tantrum.

climbing onto the roof of the car, he balls his hand into a fist and jumps up and down. “guys i got nancy!” he yells over to everyone even though he wasn’t sure anyone could even hear him above the sound of their own screams.

“ok so long story short-” robin was cut off by jonathan.

“nancy!”

“jonathan?”

“oh thank god you’re ok!”

“no no no! now is not time for this! robin please continue.”

———

“mike! el!” you yell still running. you have no idea where your running you just have to run.

“mike please help me! el!” you soon come to a stop, the air turning red and rapidly making its way towards you. you look around, deciding that you have no other choice and walk straight into it.

———

“music?”

“music!” robin and nancy tell dustin that if they find out y/n’s favorite song it should snap her out of her day-dreamy state. dustin hurriedly gets down from steve’s car and runs over to jonathan’s.

jonathan watches the boy for a second while being confused. “what are you doing?”

“max’s backpack. i need max’s backpack!”

“it’s in the back somewhere”

dustin quickly swings open the door and gets her backpack.

“found it!” he grabs it, tipping it upside down and dumping everything out onto the seat. he gathers all of the cassettes and the cassette player in his arms and runs up the hill, jonathan following him. a few of the tapes fell from his arms but jonathan made sure to pick them up.

———

you walk carefully through the red fog, sounds of creatures snarling around you and leaves and branches snapping underfoot.

in front of you was a horrible storm, but there was no rain. just  booming thunder and crackling lightning.

the entire place was almost as dry as a desert, the only moisture being the pools of blood on the ground. you began to hear screams and saw a building coming into view before you, similar to a castle.

it’s daunting, but you make the decision to walk further towards it, hoping one of the doors in the building could be a way out. you had come so far already, right?

———

dustin and jonathan finally return to the others, gasping for air and dropping the tapes on the ground in front of everyone.

“what is this?” el asks, somewhat startled from the two boys’ sudden approach.

dustin wastes no time in getting to the point.

“what’s her favorite song?”

“why?”

“robin said if she listens...”

as dustin explains as quickly as possible, steve looks at jonathan, slightly flailing his arms about. jonathan is still panting and warm from the run up the hill, and peels off his black jean jacket and disposes of it on the ground before walking up to him.

“do you think it’s gonna happen to me too?” will asks, his voice shaking as he stares at the group with tears in his eyes.

“huh?”

“i mean..what if it already happend to me? this has happened to me before remember? a few years ago. it was one of my episodes. mom came to pick me up from school and i was in the middle of the field, pretty much like this.”

“i- i cant hear you” jonathan speaks loudly, unsure if his brother can hear him over the yells of dustin and the others.

“what! is! her! favorite! song!”

———

slowly lifting up your foot after hearing a rather unpleasant crunch, you look down to see a bunch of white balls and tiny spiders crawling out from under your shoe.

vecna was saying things to you but you couldn’t even fully hear what he was saying, sounds were just fading in and out.

you turn around quickly, sensing something but soon wish you hadn’t.

chrissy cunningham, bones all broken and twisted, eyes drooped down and big black tenticals wrapping around her and into her mouth.

you soon realised this was more than just chrissy. it was everyone who had suspiciously died. mangled and broken and tied around trees that surrounded you. 

all of a sudden you started turning back around but not willingly. it felt almost as if a force was dragging you, forcing you to turn around. 

“would you like to join them, y/n?” vecna said, still in the same distorted, taunting voice. 

you couldn’t move. you couldn’t run. you couldn’t walk. just blink and breathe. 

“i’ll give you a head start.” and with a snapping sound you could move again. not wasting a second you immediately started running. 

“el! mike! help!” it was no use. you knew it was. you were in the upside down and were going to die and you knew it. “will! someone help! please!” you sobbed more and more with each word. “wi-” your words were cut off by one of the vines coming up and wrapping around your ankle, pulling you down to the ground, dragging you back to where vecna was. you had never screamed this loud before. you could only hope the sound of your screams could be heard by someone or rip a hole in the upside down somehow. once you got to the nearest tree you were too wrapped around it, your airway being cutoff, breathing becoming increasingly more difficult. the horrifying realisation that you would die here began to sink in. there was only one difference between you and the people around you: they were dead. you were almost there. 

--------------------------------------

after el finally told dustin y/n’s favourite song, dustin and will started flipping through the cassettes, hoping that max has the tape.

“which one is it?” dustin asks helplessly to no one in particular.

 “did she say running up that hill?” max whispers to herself.

“what?” will responded quietly.

“i think i have the tape they’re looking for.” max says moving her arm, shuffling things around in her pocket. “please please please...yes!” she says triumphantly. “dustin?” max shouts, waving the tape in the air.“guys!” she shouts a little louder.

el turns her head. “what?!” lucas, mike, dustin, and steve all yell together, looking impatiently at max.

 “oh thank god.” lucas whispers but barely enough for anyone to hear it.

“where did you even get that?” mike asked anxiously, breaking the silence.

 “i was listening to it earlier.” max commented, passing the tape to dustin.

“thank you” el slightly smiles, looking over at max.

“okay! headphones!” steve clapped making dustin quickly place the headphones on y/n

.“now!” dustin yells, signalling for mike to press play on the cassette player.

----------------------------------------

the straining sounds coming from you were fading, your desperate movements of trying to shift the vine from around you began to slow down. the sound of kate bush could be heard and a hole seemed to be burning its way into the air. it was like a portal, you could now see into the graveyard through it and hear sounds from the real world, the voices of your friends, the sounds of people talking and birds twittering too. you could hear them yelling to you, 

“y/n wake up!” and “come on y/n we’re right out here!” can be heard coming from the portal.

“they can’t help you, y/n.” vecna says as the vine starts tightening around you even more. you were getting lightheaded from the lack of air. “theres a reason why you hide from them” he continues, inching closer to you. 

thunder in our hearts

“you belong here. with me.” “you’re not really… here” you manage to cough out. “oh but i am, y/n. i am” before you could even process what he had said, he lifted his big hand and stuck his long, sharp pink fingers into your face.

and if i only could, i’d make a deal with god, and i’d get him to swap our places

“wh-why is she floating?” el stutters.

“isn’t that what eddie said happened to chrissy before she died?” will said, fear in his voice.

“y-yeah” lucas breathed.

“y/n!” el cried. she had only just gotten you back. you had just stopped ignoring her and the attention you were giving them isn’t the nicest, but you were getting somewhere. she cant lose you again. she can’t lose you for good. “y/n please! please dont die, y/n!” el continues to scream and sob.

 the entire time, throughout everyone’s efforts, mike just looks on silently. he says nothing. he felt like he was gonna pass out as if he had been screaming for ages when in reality he hasn’t said anything. he takes el’s hand and pulls her towards him and she latches onto his arm still crying incoherently and calling out your name.

you could see the little people you knew as your best friends through vecna’s fingers. they looked so tiny but you could see them. you could hear them. you could see and hear el. “y/n please! please dont die, y/n!” you heard the sobbing of el. you felt so bad, you had been ignoring her and being a bitch to her, you regretted it so much now. you don’t want the last thing you ever said to her to be “just wait in the car. this won’t take long.” you were pushing her away. not just el but mike too. you were pushing away everyone.

 “we don’t want a letter. we’re right here.”

“this tastes so good!”

“oh! i like this dress a lot!”

“y/n… friends don’t lie”

you started thinking of memories that you have with el, mike, you and the rest of the party hoping it would snap you back or something.

let me steal this moment from you now

“mike did you hit play?” dustin asks impatiently, looking back and forth to his bestfriend and then to his bestfriend’s s/o.

 “yes i hit play!”

 “so if the music is on why isn’t it working?”

 “i dont know! you’re the one with all the information!” 

“guys we can’t do with this arguing right now!” steve interrupts making the two of them go silent besides some heavy breathing.

come on baby, come on darling, let me steal this moment from you now

“see? zoomer.”

“the movie was complete shit but the popcorn was good so it’s whatever”

“oh- i… i dont know how to dance”

“i don’t want you to go”

“you’re doing great!”“

“this is your first time having ice cream?”

memory after memory replayed in your head, eyes closed, the vision of all the memories of your friends along with the voices of your friends and your favorite song. you felt.. airy? floaty? you couldn’t describe how it felt but you know it felt good. digging your nails into the vine on your right arm, you heard a squelching and a squeak and pressure being lifted off of your arm, signalling that the vine had released itself from you. you confidently brought your hand up to vecna’s neck and dug your hand into his neck, causing him to grunt in pain and fall over.

the rest of the vines then released you from their shared pain. you fell down off of the tree and fell on your side hearing a soft crack and a sharp feeling in your rib. 

“i hope the injuries i get in here aren’t mirrored in real life’ you thought to yourself. 

pushing yourself up, you wince in pain, but immediately start running towards the portal-type hole. almost there. however, before you could get too far away, vecna got up and started making a gravestone fall almost on top of you. you fall and wince at the pain again but get up only to be covered in someone’s blood from the puddles all over. 

and if i only could, i’d make a deal with god, and i’d get him to swap our places

you were so close now, but it was taking you so long to get there because of the gravestones and now fenceposts that were being thrown at you. you had so much blood covering you the leaves were sticking to the soles of your shoes, causing you to slip a few times.

be runnin’ up that road, be runnin’ up that hill, be runnin’ up that building

“are you sure this is their favourite song?” max asks nervously.“you didn’t see any of the other tapes in there that might be it?”

“no no this is it!” el was so sure that it was. 

“then why is it taking so long?!” mike snaps tighting his grip on el’s waist. she tries to step away from him. el was irritated. she understood that a lot was happening right now and how everyone was under so much pressure and stress. she just wished she still had her powers to try and do something to help. something more than just tell them a name of some silly song.

say if i only could, i’d make a deal with god

 so...close…you were so close you could see yourself floating and your friends under you yelling your name. you let this spur you on, you ran faster and faster, or maybe it was just time making it seem that way? 

“y/n!” everyone was yelling for you, dustin being the loudest of course.

 suddenly you gasp and everything looks normal again. well, everything but the height you were at. you quickly fall down onto the ground and everyone spreads out away from you and away from eachother. even mike and el. but no one stayed far apart for long when they heard you gasping.

 “y/n! y/n!” you hear at the same time as you feel someone grab you by the arms and lift you up. you yell at the sudden contact, unsure of who was touching you. 

“it’s steve! it’s steve! you’re okay!” he says while quickly letting go of you. the touch was soon being replaced by a pair of arms wrapping tightly around you, who you soon realised was mike when you saw his familiar t-shirt. you expected your rib to be aching from mike’s arms being wrapped around you but it didn’t, nor were you covered in blood. you didn’t seem to be physically injured at all.

 you keep gasping in shock and not used to the sudden normal amount of air into your lungs and grip mike’s lower arm with your hand to steady yourself.

 “its ok. its ok. its mike. ok? its me mike” he whispers into your ear a few times, helping you to slow your breathing back down.

 “el. el! where’s el?” you asked desperately, still panting. you detached your arms from mike and turn around.you see el standing behind you, tears silently slipping down her cheeks.

“i thought we lost you” el starts sobbing again as she speaks, her bottom lip folding.

 “no, no i’m right here. see?” you pat your body and spin around, displaying to her that you had come back.

 el lets out a breath she was holding in despite her sobbing before quickly running up to you and giving you the tightest hug either of you would ever experience. 

“its hard to breathe to begin with el” you wheeze and laugh a little. 

“right. sorry.” she lets go immediately but you can see the relief present in her face. “i’m kidding, it’s okay. hey listen, i need to tell you this quickly and i wanna talk to you more about it along with mike too but im so sorry.i don’t know why i was ignoring you guys and being an absolute bitch when i wasn’t ignoring you. you guys probably would’ve helped me through everything and im so sorry.” 

“i love you, please give me another chance, even though we never actually broke up but-” your ranting was cut off by el awkwardly pulling your shoulders towards her and kissing you. despite the awkward hold she had on your shoulders the kiss was extremely comforting

.“of course i will and im sure mike will also. and i love you too” 

no matter how many times you had heard it from her or mike it never failed to give you butterflies. 

“hey! i walk away for two seconds and you guys are making out? what’d i miss?” mike jokingly yelled to you both while jogging over to you guys as if you didn’t almost just die.

 you and el turned and looked at eachother and started giggling then look back at mike. “what?” he chuckled.

[ace-of-gay]

Hey there. I'm new to your blog and I love it. I wanted to request daddy!bucky x little!ftm reader (he/him) Where bucky and the reader were ordered to talk about all the trauma because of HYDRA. When the therapist was done talking with bucky they ask the reader to start talking the reader is already on edge and doesn't talk bucky notices what's happening so he takes a hold of off the reader's hand to ground him when the reader looks at bucky, bucky knows what's happening (the reader's about to drop) and he can see when the therapist starts writing in the notebook it's putting the reader off and then bucky snaps because the therapist has been rude and says "Stop with the damn notebook think already, can't you see it's putting him on edge." and then takes the reader back home and just cuddles with him. Sorry if this is too specific and if you don't feel like writing it it's cool, thank you ❤️.

His boy, safe with him

1,371 words

Edited to the best of my ability.

Warnings: dd/lb content, names like daddy, baby, baby boy etc. Mentions of , paci, onesie,stuffy, etc .

For the trans ftm littles <3

Pronouns used: (he/him)

18+ please, it may not have anything bad but i still need to mention. Thank you

《~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~》

You usually go to therapy on separate days to separate therapists even though you stuck together, he knew it was important for you to work through both the hydra trauma and working through your identity, your personal therapist was a doll, they had suggested regression as a form of healing and support.

You were initally confused but after you let them explain a bit deeper, something that stuck was that it could help with passing trust and loving guidance to someone and letting yourself feel what needed to be felt.

After a few months of trying it out with Bucky you felt truly settled in and he was happy to watch over you in any state of mind, he secretly loved when you were little because of how much more expressive you were, the smile you wore on the good days and the cuddles and long naps or walks in the park just to stare at the stars, all to clear your mind.

The small apartment was at that point filled with drawings you made, each one a story of its own, some drawn of the bad memories put in folder that youd take to your personal therapist.

When they suggested you have a group therapy session, just you, him and his therapist you were both apprehensive to say the least but your therapist had said if you dont like it after you do so that you dont have to continue and can strictly work with them (your therapist) and wont push anything on you.

Thats how you got here sitting in this blank, void of expression room with slightly flickering florescent lights and the blinds drawn flooding the room with even more light, this felt more like an interrogation room than therapy, sitting at a relaxed distance between you and your love, across from the most expressionless woman.

Keeping your head down focusing on your hands tucked in your lap occasionally playing with the cuff of the sleeve to the sweater you borrowed from buckys closet, Dr. Raynor talking first with bucky, trying to get anything new out of him, only repeating the same passive response until she finally turned to you.

you signed papers a while ago saying your therapist could share certain information with buckys so they can work together but apparently there wasn’t much more communication of comfort ability and flexibility because he keeps asking questions you’ve already answered, and even worse questions you had no idea how to answer, your mind blocked out things and she refused to acknowledge that, "c’mon try,n take a deep breath, back in your mind look around, its in there, you can tell me" shed press and each time shed do so youd murmur shallow replys or state "i really cant remember, its blocked off".

After so many times on one question between both of you to get perspectives shed move onto the next question and go through the next one until you could finally answer.

"Was there a certain point where you started seeing bucky as your safe place and why?"

You werent happy to answer this one because this question was too personal but you finally have a response more than just apologies and grumbles.

You looked at bucky who was staring forward with a hollow gaze so you squeezed his hand bringing him back, his muscles once tense now relaxing in your touch, he gives you a squeeze back and pulling you a bit closer and urging you on.

"It was after they had brought him back, i could hear his scream of pain from the room with the chair, he had been in his cell for a bit before they brought me back to mine, some point in that time between our returns they had caused me to pass out, i cant remember how-" you took a deep breath pushing back the tears and continued "-instead of ignoring my shrill begs for mercy at my wake, he had chimed in, his voice sickeningly destroyed from screaming, he sat there quietly reassuring me that the agony will pass and it would just be numb" you finish with your story, air caught in your throat and your eyes watering with the occasional tear trickling down your cheek.

She had let uneasy silence rattle in the depths of the room and even further into your mind, quick flashes of your memory striking you as she jots her note down in the dammed notebook Bucky hates so much, looking back up she finishes, not acknowledging the searing emotions trying to escape your body and the tense in buckys jaw and him being even closer now, with you practically tucked into his side with his eyes set on your slumped head, your mind falling between listening and just fog.

her next question falls on momentarily deaf ears and she repeats her question with a little more force causing you to flinch into bucks side, she flicks to the next open page, your mind completely fogging over, you look up at him with your delicate glossy eyes and you tap his hand three times saying you’re droppingand cant hold it off.

She clicked her pen and your grip on buckys hand tightened and something in him snapped

"Stop with the god-dam notebook, i can tolerate it enough when its just me, can you not see its setting him off, stop pushing him he’s not going to snap like i will" his voice is raised but you’re too out of it to hear his words so its just sound, your eyes clouded from the storm raging in your mind, tears like rain trailing momentarily cool paths down your heated cheeks, biting your tongue bloody keeping your sob of desperation behind the walls of your heaving chest.

You see the blur of you boyfriend standing and you follow suit, all words going unheard and letting him lead you out to the car where happy, is waiting to take you two back to your shared apartment.

Sitting in the back he pulls you into his lap placing soft kisses to your cheeks while running his hands up and down your arms, "its okay, you’re okay now, daddy’s got you" he repeats over and over reassuring you the best he can.

《~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~》

He carries you back into the small apartment bouncing you a bit in attempt to sooth you through the war between big and little, in your head, he sets you on the couch stalking over to the closet pulling out a pull-up and one of your few onesies and a sports bra than grabs your stuffy and paci, as he returns to your side he helps you stand up and gets you out of your grown up clothes,  helping you into the pull-up." we gotta take off your binder for a little while but you can put it back on later but for now you should wear the sports bra" you look up nodding before lifting your arms for him to replace the chest binder with a slight compression sports bra, "good job, such a good little boy letting daddy help you" he enunciates with kisses to your nose after putting the onesie and his hoodie on you.

He pulls you to his chest and lays down, handing you your stuffy and gently urging the paci past your lips, you rest your head on his chest feeling as each breath is taken and released, listening to the show he turned on in the background and his heart under your ear beating calmly, urging yours to settle aswell. His vibranium hand resting between your shoulder blades and his right running up and down your back, "i dun wike her, dun wan go back pease" you whisper behind your paci, he nods "i know bub, you’re never meeting with her again, im so proud of you for trying and also telling me when it got bad" you chirp in acknowledgement eyes fluttering every now and than.

"Go to sleep baby boy, don’t fight it, I’m not going anywhere i promise" he places a soft kiss to your forehead and eases you into sleep, cuddled up all cozy protected by your daddy, the best daddy he could ever ask for.

《~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~》

Thank you so much for being my first ask, im so happy to create for others, i got so excited just seeing the request!. <3 much love.

[youngpettyqueen]

1, 5, 17! 💜💜💜

ty Ally!! <3

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

generally I prefer to write one shots when it comes to fic! one shots can be so varied in terms of length and what they convey- you can do a scene, a whole story, 1k, 10k, I find the freedom of one shots really appealing. ive only ever written I think two multi-chapter fics, and while I do enjoy writing them, they are limited to being longer-form stories and theyre definitely more of a commitment to yourself and to your reading audience with having to update multiple chapters. its why I havent written another multi-chapter fic since 'and miles to go before i sleep'- I love that fic, I loved writing it, but if im going to write a multi-chapter fic it needs to be a story I really, really want to write and be able to hold my motivation so that I can keep writing it for however long it takes. a one shot can take me months to complete and thats fine cause nobody sees it till its done. if a multi-chapter fic takes me months I might be leaving people hanging, which I never want

(I dont think there's anything wrong with that, to be clear, making people wait- we write and provide this stuff for free and we can take as long as we want, I personally just struggle with some guilt over it because I cant help it lgdkjghd)

5. Do you like constructive criticism?

I dont mind it! I dont seek it out with fic, really, but I actively seek it out with my original writing. if I ever wanted constructive criticism on fic I would ask about it from people I know better within fic communities and fandoms, because I would know and trust that they'd be able to give me actual solid advice. I really dont feel the need for it, though, and thats not like. out of arrogance or anything. I dont think im above it. its just that fic is something I do for fun!

with my original writing I actively seek out constructive criticism and feedback. I think its essential to the process and I eat it up. something im excited for with the novel im working on is getting to send it to a literary agent, to editors, to sensitivity readers all so I can get that constructive criticism and that feedback on it

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

I usually try to force my way through it while chanting "its a rough draft it doesnt need to be good its a rough draft it doesnt need to be good its a-" until I can get something down that can be edited later. when this doesnt work, I turn away from the project im currently working on and I go to something else

one such example is when I had really bad block while writing 'and miles to go before i sleep' I turned to writing a few other one shots so that I could get the words flowing again. im a firm believer in writing every day, even if its just a few words, so working on other things really really helps me work through a block and not get stuck for months on end. im currently working through other WIPs while a specific one gives me a lot of trouble, and taking prompt requests the other day has really helped me get back on my groove! im working through the last request now which is a combo of the request itself and an older WIP I'd been struggling with, and its been nice to post writing again

[jjheejz]

About Internet Water Army in the case

This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).

19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below

18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)

Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details

Originally posted on 16 August 2021

[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].

The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.

Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.

*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).

If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.

Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations

Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army

When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.

Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:

Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]

Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]

Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]

Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]

Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well. 

Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.

Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.

On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧

Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them. 

Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and  Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.

Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:

The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .

Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).

Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.

In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.

The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.

Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).

There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.

Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)

The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.

Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.

Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?

First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)

Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps). 

Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?

Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news. 

Timeline of events:

13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions

14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news

15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react

17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]

Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.

When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.

Conclusion

Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.

Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.

Bonus

Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.

What's funny? The self-deteroriates:

Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"

Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?

//

Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.

So what should we do? Link here

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