#i've been stuck on 80 for two weeks now...

[ewenana]

big news!!!!!!!!! finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! life is worth living after all!!!!!!!! it only took i dunno 63 pulls..! i can't even read through the story yet </3 i have to do it tonight hehe wish me luck :p

[delayeddrabbles]

always in the sun - 4x07 - jj maybank & rafe cameron

plot: JJ does swim away from Groff in 4x07 and has just found out that he's a Genrette. He returns to OBX rattled and Rafe has just found out that Goat Island has been left entirely to JJ. a/n: the scene from s4 we never knew we always needed. drew and rudy deserved more scenes together. if rafe and jj are on an X and Y axis, this is the brief moment where JJ's identity crisis and Rafe's redemption intersect. they're two sides of the same coin. In a different world, their places could've been reversed. Just two bros, chilling on a dock, five feet apart cause they're not gay. divider belongs to @cafekitsune | cw: addiction | not proofread

With bleary eyes and a spinning head, JJ trudged up the dock, bedraggled and battered. His shirt and shorts soaked through and his frame heavy with exhaustion. Groff's words ran in dizzying circles in his head as salt water dribbled into his eyes and his legs wobbled beneath him.

Those words had been stuck on repeat for the past 80 minutes straight, right from the moment they'd reached his ears, through the futile swim he'd attempted to make to shore, and they hadn't left even when a kind group of joy riders dropped him safely off outside the Wreck.

Had he just traded one shit Dad for another?

Groff was lying. Surely...but then why had Luke all but confirmed it?

Why would Luke put him through such hell as a kid for no good reason? Why not just abandon him on some doorstep if he wasn't even his? Why had he ached for so long to be accepted by a man who wasn't even his blood?

The pungent aroma of grease, fish and spices tugged on his heart strings and yanked him out of his daze.

Kie.

JJ's spiralling mind cut him a break for a brief moment.

Kie would know what to do.

JJ pressed on in hopes of a warm smile and a full belly. He could taste the crab legs now and imagine the warm gumbo soothing his throat. Sure, Mike isn't his biggest fan, but his state of disarray would be reason enough to take pity on him, right? I mean, he looked like hell.

Before JJ could even set foot on the bottom step of the rickety stairs, a blur of grey and brown came flying at him.

"You sneaky little bitch!"

Unseen hands haul him back down and fling him against the nearest wall. The blow knocks the air out of his lungs and tosses his head about in a dizzying spin.

"What the fuck..." his sleep deprived brain struggles to latch onto the face infront of him and make sense of the string of angry words tumbling out of it's mouth.

"You knew. You knew what I was working on and you just had to fuck it up"

"Rafe..." JJ sighed as those familiar, wide lemur eyes finally came into focus. Blue and blinding like a glaringly bright morning on a hungover Saturday. JJ can't help but snark back at him with an exhausted, lopsided smirk. "Enlighten me! What have you been working on?"

"Don't play coy!"

"Noone gives a fuck about your little passion project, Rafey, didn't you hear? We're gonna get kicked out of our house!" JJ shoved him off, but Rafe quickly pinned him again.

"I'm dealing with it."

"Sure you are!"

"I've been working on this for weeks, you little shit, and you just swoop in and take it!" JJ squirmed as Rafe lingered too close to his face, ranting and raving like a rabid dog. "God, you should be grateful I'm even trying to help you idiots keep your silly little shop!"

"Help us? Please!" JJ rolled his eyes.

"You screwed me, Maybank. Again"

"What the hell are you talking about?" JJ finally managed to wrestle his way out of Rafe's vice-like grip, the weather boards of the wall leaving deep burning indents in his back that would bruise. Rafe conceded very little ground, still panting, eyes sharp and furious.

"The old man left it to you."

JJ's blood ran cold, and the world slipped off its axis for the third time this week. Groff and Luke had been bad enough. Now this.

"That zombie crackpot thought Sure!" Rafe continued, " Why not invest in a scrawny little nobody! Not his son-in-law. Not a hippy little nature reserve Greenpeace thing. You!"

"I don't need this right now..." JJ sighed, too tired to fight and too tired to care. He attempted to shove past the Cameron sibling, but he was caught again, this time by the throat.

"You swear you didn't know?" Rafe lifted JJ up to his level, his grip tightening on his airway, and JJ's toes just managing to keep hold of the ground.

"It's news to me, cupcake," JJ manages to joke through the pain, and Rafe scoffs and drops him in a heap at his feet. JJ forced a laugh through rasping gulps of air. "Jesus, Rafe! Do you honestly think I'd be out here looking like this if I just found out I was a secret millionaire!?"

Rafe scoffs and storms off in a huff.

Rafe's lost track of how many hours he's been staring at the map of Goat Island splayed out on his table as night set in around him. Maybe it's the scotch in his hand or the gentle bobbing of the boat beneath his feet or the soft yellow light off the lamps dotted around his makeshift office, but time feels slow and hazy.

"Rafe!"

Sofia finally shakes him out of his daze. His eyes stay fixed on the outline of the Genrette house etched onto the map, surrounded by acres and acres of land. Vast, varied, and valuable land all wasted. All squandered. Even the small patch that he'd planned to keep for himself. It was all gone.

"Babe, come look!"

He shakes himself from that spiral and follows Sofia's voice out onto the deck. When he finds her, she stands by the railing, clinging to her folded arms and squinting into the darkness. His brows drop at her unease.

"I think there's someone down there."

She handed him the binoculars, and sure enough, a dark, shadowy figure sat at the end of the furthest row of the marina. Pogues never set foot this deep into Figure Eight, let alone made it into the private marina without anyone noticing.

"It's probably just one of the others having a smoke." Rafe waved it off and pecked the top of her head goodbye, turning back to go inside, but she insisted.

"No, something's wrong." Sofia kept her eyes in the binoculars. "Look at his clothes, look at how hunched he is."

Rafe wrapped his arms around her as he entertained her whim for just a moment longer and followed her gaze across the rows upon rows of glittering lights and swaying ships. "You're such a scaredy cat."

"Shut up," she chuckled and jabbed him sharply with her elbow. "I think he might jump."

While the height of the dock was minimal, he could tell what she meant. Someone high or drunk would drop like a stone straight to the bottom. Especially if they didn't even want to fight. He reluctantly untangled himself from her and pecked her cheek.

"I'll check it out"

JJ pressed a firm hand to his chest to try and press down on the pressure building there. His palm pushed deep and hard against his sternum, but the panic wouldn't shift. So instead, he lifted the beer in his free hand to his trembling lips and focused on the cool glass and the burning liquid.

The past 48 hours had been a living hell. What was he supposed to do now? Just go back to his old house as if it wasn't full of memories of Luke? Just smile at Kie and pretend the very foundations of his life weren't crumbling?

Closing his eyes, his tear-stained cheeks glistened in the moonlight as he listened to the lapping waves, distant winds, and the creaking of the dock. It quietened the chaos in his mind for a brief, blissful moment.

Then Cameron showed up one again to ruin it. "Maybank. Look, man."

JJ doesn't turn but drapes a protective arm over his remaining 4 bottles. He feels the wood sag and shift beneath Rafe's weight as he shuffles about. Good, he made him uncomfortable.

Wait, since when was Rafe Cameron awkward?

"You can't stay here. You're freaking out my girlfriend."

Oh right. The girlfriend. He'd been sent on an errand and wanted to report back and get rewarded.

JJ chuckled and sipped his beer, his words slurring slightly as he sneered at him, "Rafe Cameron has a girlfriend? Wow! Hell really has frozen over."

JJ enjoyed Rafe's heavy sigh and shift in tone. All pleasantries falling away. "Just go home."

That was more like the Rafe he remembered.

"This is home now, buddy boy." JJ finally turned and waved a hand towards the glittering lights and pristine white boats. "Groff's here…" he tilted his beer towards the apartments on the shore, spilling some as his movements got sloppier. "That blonde MILF is here. " Rafe suppressed a smirk at the mention of Hollis, but JJ still caught it and grinned. "Where else would I be?"

JJ kicked back, leaning against the nearest wooden pole with his hands behind his head and his ankles crossed. JJ saw a twitch in Rafe's jaw as he teetered dangerously close to the edge.

"Which one's yours?"

"That's Need To Know."

"Sure sure…." JJ waved the matter off. It's not like he really cared to steal from Rafe anyway. He had bigger fish to fry, "Sarah said you weren't lying about the whole helping thing. That's very unlike you."

Rafe scoffed. "Oh, cause you know everything?!"

"Oh, and Kooks don't? With your silver spoons up your butts...Anyway," JJ swung his legs back down off the edge of the pier and faced back out to the water. After a moment, he slid the rattling half-empty six-pack towards Rafe in a silent truce. JJ once again provoked a satisfying, exacerbated sigh in Rafe as he slid down beside him and plucked out a bottle.

"What else did she say?"

Hook. Line and Sinker. JJ had to remember to dangle Sarah over Rafe's head more often.

"That she doesn't trust you. Who would? Rafe Cameron suddenly showing mercy to Pogues? Our gracious savior!"

"The gold's not for you. It's for Sarah. It's her cut."

"Right… ' fairness' " JJ muttered beneath his breath, turning back to drinking. Since when did Rafe care about even cuts and promises? He took what he wanted. He always had.

He watched the moon's reflection wobble and bob on the waves as Rafe cracked his beer open and choked on his first sip with spluttering gags.

JJ grinned.

"That's disgusting!"

Poor baby.

"More for me, then!" JJ shrugged, hiding his glee, and he tried to slide the pack back, but Rafe was lightning fast. One large hand clamped down on top of the three remaining bottles, and he tightened his grip so they stayed firmly planted directly in the middle. Rafe always got exactly what he was owed.

JJ didn't hide his laugh this time and relented with raised hands. "It's your funeral."

An oddly cordial silence settled in between them for a moment and JJ decided to crack open another drink. The night was still and warm and peaceful.

This wasn't the first night JJ had spent wandering the island and it probably wouldn't be the last. Some nights, like tonight, Mother Nature welcomed him with open arms and let him drift through town dry and warm. Other nights she was stormy and unforgiving. Rafe had probably never been out on his ass in his life and even if he had he'd probably still somehow played it to his advantage: a booty call, a bleeding heart Kook Mom, a vacant Cameron Development rental. He'd always come out on top.

A persistent tapping disrupted his peace, and JJ noticed Rafe's fingers rapping on the boards and his eyes darting back and forth across the sea.

"Dude! Chill! Your brain is so loud, I can hear you thinking from here."

"Did you talk to Groff?"

A chill shot down JJ's chest and blew through his gut at that name. The cause of all of his problems. The reason he was here: getting drunk with the second-worst person alive and unable to face his friends. JJ's jaw clenched tightly.

"Not yet."

Rafe shifted to face him properly resting his weight back on his hands and his knees encroaching into JJ's territory. JJ's eyes shot to his face as his tongue ran over his lips to prepare for what Rafe had really been trying to ask behind that seemingly caring question.

"Would you ever-"

"Nope. Don't start." JJ immediately shot down any talk of business and chugged a larger gulp of his beer. God, Rafe really was an opportunistic asshole. See a boy in tears and try to steal his fortune? He probably scammed widows and pissed on babies too.

"Ok ok. " The Cameron sibling shifted back to his original position sitting on the dock with an overconfident smirk melting away as he sipped his drink "I'll wait. You'll come around."

"You honestly think I'd go into business with you? Of all people?"

Rafe simply shrugged. "You want to live in that Barbie Dream House monstrosity with your friends, don't you?"

"Yeah, but-"

"It's your dad's house. You paid for it."

"Yeah with shared money that we needed to live. I fucked up."

"Sell some of Goat Island to me. Pay them back."

"It's not about the money. They-"

"It was your home. Not theirs"

Some home.

Living with Luke had been a nightmare, and Poguelandia 2.0 had meant to be a fresh start. A new family but he'd ruined it at the Enduro. Broke their trust. He had to earn that back. He couldn't just throw money at the problem like some Kook.

Maybe he was a Kook now. Maybe he always has been. Yuck.

"Wait..." JJ eyed Rafe for a moment, "Then why'd you sell Tanny Hill?'

Rafe shrugged it off with his beer halfway to his lips. "Too big"

"Your new house is literally the same size!"

"Since when have you been to my house?!"

"Sofia orders in from the Wreck. I've been running deliveries to get Mike to like me?"

"Is it working?"

"No!" JJ sighed exasperated and flabbergasted and the pair burst into laughter between sips of beer. Rafe slipped off his slides to dip his feet in the water as his brows lifted and his lips puckered in an impressed pout. JJ clocked it.

"You thought I didn't know her name, didn't you? Wow! Someone's clearly never worked in hospitality."

Rafe's laugh felt a little more hollow the second time around as he rolled his beer back and forth between his palms, shoulders slumping, and his eyes fixed on the brown glass.

"Ward made me," he mumbled.

"Fuck 'im"

"Yeah…."

"Dads, man...Right!" JJ slapped his thighs and sprang to his feet. "Should I go so Sofia can get her beauty sleep?"

Rafe was slower to adjust back into the evening, his mind still preoccupied. JJ stared down at him as his eyes watched his feet swirling in the water, and he gnawed on his bottom lip. "Yeah...you should bounce. You can't sleep here."

"You're a lucky man." JJ slid his cap back on and dusted himself off, leaving the rest of the beers for the couple. "She's way out of your league."

"Oh, and Kie isn't?!" JJ gaped at the sudden petulant snap and scowl from Rafe.

"Geez, I guess we're back to our regularly scheduled programming! My mistake!" JJ raised his hands in mock surrender. "I meant Kie wants to be a Pogue. Always has. Kie chose this. Did she?"

"Fuck off"

"Gladly," JJ removed his hat and swung in a low, deep bow. "By your leave!"

He was halfway down the pier before he heard Rafe finally clamber to his feet and tidy up. "You can just cut Groff out, you know?" The bottles rattled at Rafe's side, and an uneasy wind toyed with the tufts of hair that had escaped JJ's hat. "Keep it all for yourself. He's a snake anyway."

JJ turned to see if he was serious and found him deadpan. He looked so small against the backdrop of the vast dark ocean and the tall yatchs and sailboats. The villain of his childhood nightmares and the nemesis of his teens suddenly seemed so insignificant compared to the weight of the world he was carrying.

"Not my style." JJ shrugged. He knew himself. He knew despite his best efforts to protect his peace or whatever shit Sarah would say he'd struggle to turn his back on his family. Even this patched-up wreck of a family he'd been thrust into.

"Yeah, you should've ditched Luke years ago."

And for the briefest of moments, he understood Rafe Cameron. The worst parts of him, at least. Petty, Scrambling. Cowardice. A recovering addict with a hideous temper, only trapped in the body of an angry young kid rather than a washed-up middle-aged man. They'd known each other. Crossed paths at Barry's. Maybe they were more alike than JJ had ever realised. Maybe that's why Rafe had always disgusted him.

Maybe JJ had done what Rafe never could. Gotten out from under his Dad's thumb and built a life and community out of his shadow.

"Yeah, maybe…" JJ's eyes wandered to the warm lights glowing in the windows of the super yachts across the way, looking for a petite silhouette in a sweet sundress. Someone who hadn't ditched Rafe just yet. He remembered what that felt like. Hoping things would turn out differently this time.

His focus slipped for a moment to his friends, the smile faltering on his face. How much more of his shit could they take before they threw him out for good?

JJ shook that horrifying thought away and turned on his heel. No point dwelling on what-ifs. He could tell them everything tomorrow. For now, he just needed to go home and sink into the sofa and sit in their silence and feel whole again. He pushed on towards the exit and waved back over his shoulder.

"See you 'round, neighbor!"

[fishnoodles]

Julian Casablancas has a stoke a genius by going solo

Mirror of an interview published in The Courier Mail on May 1st 2010. Original link unarchived, text reposted from a forum user. (Photo used by Warren Fu)

JULIAN Casablancas, lead singer of The Strokes, says the band's last trip to Australia in 2006 was a bit of a "blurry nightmare".

Not that it was Australia's fault. He was just going through some "strange personal stuff", and now the 31-year-old hipster and father-of-one is in a much better place.

Not only will he be back with his band of brothers to headline the Splendour in the Grass festival, held at Woodford in July, he also arrives this week for a string of dates supporting his stellar solo debut Phrazes for the Young.

"I love Australia and I'm super excited to hang out there," he says enthusiastically down the phone from Montreal. "I know it sounds so phony. But seriously, everywhere, I've got a new kind of appreciation, so it's been fun."

And Strokes fans have been gaining a new appreciation of his solo work. Phrazes for the Young, driven by the buzz of catchy lead single 11th Dimension, has been deservedly winning rave reviews for its strong, simple song-writing laden with a rich coating of '70s and '80s synth.

The title of the new album is a reference to an Oscar Wilde book – and it's one Casablancas saved up from the Strokes' last record.

"I stumbled upon the book – I was on the last page and it just kind of grabbed me," he says. "I just kind of stuck with it. Somehow it became one of the names in the running for the last Strokes record, First Impressions of Earth."

But as the band's key songwriter, Casablancas didn't feel that lyrically the Strokes' record was up to the task of carrying such a weighty title.

So for his solo record, he made a concerted effort to get the lyrics up to scratch.

"Not that they are," he says modestly. "But at least it made me try really hard.

"I think I concentrated on music so long that lyrics were kind of secondary. I knew how to make things kind of cool and not annoying and work with the song, and mysterious and deep or whatever, but I feel like once I felt confident musically, now I've got to focus on lyrics."

Chatting to Casablancas is a pleasure. His conversation is peppered with words like "rad" and "dude", although he's equally happy talking about old dead poets. He swings from being softly spoken to sing-song loud, as if an amusing accent might make his words more interesting, and he attentively goes off topic, asking this interviewer as many questions as she asks him.

"My favourite poet is Rumi," he throws out there, referring to the 13th century Sufi poet.

"I read a lot of that; try to make lyrics like that because he was also a musician. Also Lou Reed."

Casablancas recalls a time when he and the rest of the young, then unsigned Strokes were in a bar in New York when they heard that the great Velvet Underground singer was signing books at a store across the street.

The band pooled their money together and bought a copy of Reed's book, which the legendary rocker signed to "The Strokes".

As fate would have it, the two singers shared a stage years later singing Walk on the Wild Side for a Rolling Stone magazine anniversary event.

"I was at sound check and he walked in saying, 'You do a pretty good imitation, you don't even need me, why am I here?' " Casablancas recalls. "We played with Eddie Vedder too that night. It was pretty crazy!" he warbles.

Casablancas, the son of a former Miss Denmark and the founder of Elite Model Management, was educated at a private school, along with the rest of the Strokes alumni. But he reckons he's only ever read two books. They just happen to be The Odyssey and Crime and Punishment.

He's now tackling Siddhartha by Herman Hesse, set in the time of the Buddha, and the Bible.

Not exactly easy tour reading. No wonder he generally prefers to "play cards or watch a movie".

Wherever his past highs and lows with The Strokes might have taken him, Casablancas seems in a good place now.

His wife, Juliet Joslin, gave birth late last year. Has it changed him?

"Yeah, I got a new haircut, moved to the suburbs," he jokes. "Change for the great – because obviously a magical little man has arrived. And I'm torn; part of me wants him to stay little and part of me wants to hang out and talk to him and can't wait till he's older."

He married the Strokes' former assistant manager in 2005.

Is the lyric, "How could you be so perfect for me?" from Out of the Blue about her?

"Sure," he says after a long pause. "I've got to walk a fine line when I talk about these things.

"I don't want to lame it up. I actually sometimes make songs just for my woman, I just feel like I don't know about doing it publicly. I could be wrong. Sometimes people do it and it makes me want to puke. That's a harsh way to put it."

As ever, he's one of the politest rockers around.

Phrazes for the Young is out now. Julian Casablancas performs at the Tivoli on Thursday.

[mortalscience]

Top 10 on Repeat

I was tagged by @mowowow :D thank you!!

(1) Carly Rae Jepsen - Put it to Rest

but I never even told you that I only ever wanted you and I wake up in the morning in the emptiest of empty rooms

I just love the ethereal, off quality of this song. It really doesn't sound like any of Carly Rae's other songs. The tinkly piano bits actually remind me a lot of Radiohead, specifically their album A Moon Shaped Pool, and I love that. It's just a strange little song that I've been addicted to recently!

(2) Carly Rae Jepsen - Let's Get Lost

baby, let's go get lost I like that you're driving slow keeping my fingers crossed that maybe you'll take the long way home

SO CATCHY, SO FUN. Love singing along to this one!! Also I realized recently that the saxophone in this song at certain parts sounds like the first bit of that song 'Daybreak' that was used in the show Community over and over. Compare in Carly Rae's song at about 1:48 to the opening strains of Daybreak. Carly Rae Jepsen is a Community fan, confirmed. In this essay I will--

(3) Carly Rae Jepson - For Sure

I've been thinking we were over got to know for sure

YES, ANOTHER CARLY RAE SONG. I'm in a mood right now okay? The little claps and the repetitive verses all layering on top of each other do things to me.

(4) Cartel - Burn This City

they said we're wasting our lives but oh, at least we know that if we die we lived with passion

A total youth anthem. I become obsessed with all the songs from this album, 'Chroma', in turn, and right now it's Burn This City's turn. Such a perfect mid-2000s emo rock band encapsulation.

(5) GUNSHIP - Time After Time

if you're lost you can look and you will find me time after time

A incredible synthwave cover of the classic Cyndi Lauper song. I really love synthwave and I just adore this cover. 80s songs obviously take very well to synthwave covers and this one is no different and I'll be honest I think I like it better than the original.

(6) f(x) - Hot Summer

hot summer a hot, hot summer hot summer a hot, hot noemu deowo

Every summer when the temps start rising above 100 degrees every day I put this jam back into the rotation. I don't know all the words but I know enough to get by. HOT SUMMER. IT'S A HOT, HOT SUMMER.

(7) twenty one pilots - Morph

I'm surrounded, and I'm hounded there's no above or under or around it

I used to hate this song but it came on randomly the other day and I was like "oh. OH." about it and it's kinda been stuck in my head ever since and I've been recently addicted.

(8) Toro y Moi - You and I

just to summarize I don't think we're done with all the issues I don't think it's me, I don't think it's you it's the universe

A bittersweet little song about two people who are realizing they are not meant to be. Just love the vibes on this song, dreamy-melancholy with a hint of pop. I was OBSESSED with this album (Boo Boo) when it came out, every now and then I haul the songs out again and they still hit every time.

(9) The Midnight - Deep Blue

but this is an explosion of star-crossed and blood-rushed and hair-tossed and cheeks flushed and weeks lost I wasn't looking for you

More synthwave! I fucking love this song sooo much. Such a fun song about accidentally falling in love when you weren't looking for it and didn't mean to. When the song starts ramping up at about 1:20 and then that sax hits?? Ohhh mannn. So good. The Midnight is one of the most incredible synthwave bands in the game. Every song is a total banger.

(10) Nico Vega - Gravity

over time you can kill me but I'll resurrect, so na na na na na na na na!

Love a good "fuck you buddy" type song with a nice pounding beat. :D Also the intro to this song is just so good!! Aja's slightly raspy vocals are so satisfying to listen to.

tagging: @midnightsandwriting @heart-a-holic @lklvz @darcyfangirlsfrequently @marvelfanlife @impossiblepearl and anyone else who wants to do itttt! I love seeing what people like to listen to :D

[cvntoid]

thank you my darling @strang3lov3 for tagging me in the tchotchke exchange :)))

here are some treasured things and a brief... summary? PLEASE ignore the dust and incense ash all over my mantle/altar, i desperately need to dust and wipe it down. shut up.

1. a set of haunted choir demons - i mean children. thrifted.

2. whistling kid -thrifted.

3. christ - thrifted.

4. mine and Zayne's armoire downstairs. there are two compartments up top where i keep action figure collections. in the drawers below, i keep my special books. but over the past 15+ years, we've plastered it in stickers and papers and shit from bands, brands, beer labels, cartoons, produce labels, like.... i mean anything that makes us laugh has been taped and stuck on there.

5. the IT title jacket. it's a copy from the 1980s that i've had since i was young. the jacket finally tore off and i framed it in a frame that's been in my family since the 80s as well.

6. a treasurebox with a keychain axolotl on it. i just got the keychain a couple weeks ago but the box itself has special rings, lucky coins, important pieces of jewelry, and tiny treasure that are sacred and important to me. also human teeth. won't elaborate.

7. Melvin - thrifted. i saw this maybe... mmmm a decade ago in a thrift store and had to have it. he was framed for a long time. Zayne named him. the frame broke but Melvin lives on.

8. my celestial bell and a pentacle. they stay together and i use the bell when i do my silly little rituals on the mantle. i haven't been in my own practice in a long time because Depression™️. but i'd like to get back into setting the stones and intentional magical thinking.

9. my cloud - i got this baby at a very spooky mysterious wonderfully weird hotel/venue/multi-level bar locally. there's a gift shop and this cloud was the only quartz one left, missing an eye, and looked sad, so i picked it up and needed to love it. and now it's in my babies. you can see a hint of my celestite chunk with a moonstone egg on top.

10. a lot going on here. the skateboard is a pink tech deck. real elders will appreciate. the left guy is a hand painted clay golem from new orleans that Zayne's GG got me specifically. the opalite alien is a temu tchotchke. behind it is a voodoo doll incense burner GG got me from new orleans, also. in the background you can see a picture of my baby Pig and my cute lil claussen pickle jar lol.

tagging anyone tbh, i really wanna see all your tchotchkes and please please tag me if you do :)

[raes-trying]

life update

not that i really have anyone to update... but yknow.

i'm still as depressed as ever. even more anxious than normal. i have not been very good at taking care of myself. however i do feel like i have just a smidgen more of my life figured out.

school/career

i planned out my next three semesters of college classes and if everything goes planned, i'll be graduating a semester early in decemeber 2026! i have no doubt i'll pass all of the classes, however i am afraid of not being able to get into the classes i need. there's only about 60 seats open in the classes i need, which feels low, but i don't know how many accounting majors need to take those classes. i register for the fall semester next friday, so hopefully that goes well.

i have started looking for internships for the summer of 2026. it is very difficult lol. i applied to one in my hometown, but there are not many options available in my college town. right now at least. i really don't feel like moving and i don't want to have to pay rent when i'm not living in my apartment, so hopefully i'm able to find something (and actually be offered a position) somewhere close. i should really talk to some of the internship coordinators on campus but i am scared. there's also an accounting career fair in the fall that i'll need to work up the courage to go to.

emotional

i've been in a very low place recently and i have become increasingly more aware that i need to seek out help. it's really hard though. i'll go through these bouts of depression where i can still function, but it constantly feels like i'm hanging by a thread. i can go to school, i can go to work, but anything that i'm not required to do? i just can't. i wait for the very last moment to get out of bed in the morning. i go days without showering. i don't do anything except lay in bed pretty much. i don't really feel anything. but that usually only lasts a few days or at most two weeks at a time. and then i'm out of it for a few days or weeks, but i still just struggle to feel emotions other than anger or nostalgia.

god my bursts of anger have been getting worse. i used to be able to usually keep things to myself and not act out in a bout of rage, but lately i have been genuinely crashing out. it could be a lot worse, but i'm afraid it may get to that point. whenever i'm around anyone, like my boyfriend, i can usually keep it contained so not to worry them. however i let it all out when i'm alone. i yell. i slam doors. i hit my cat. i'm ashamed to admit it, but i do. i slam my head against the wall. i throw things. and i don't feel like myself.

the weather has also been getting to me. we've had a few nice days here in wisconsin, but they don't last. it was 80 degrees out on one day (which is actually too hot for me) and three days later there was a winter storm. and while i do enjoy the nice weather, it makes me feel weird. nostalgic i guess. just smelling the warmer air and hearing the birds and feeling the sun on my skin takes me back to last spring when i was still living on campus and when i actually had friends. i miss it. i didn't appreciate it enough.

looking ahead

realistically, i know i am not in the right place to be setting goals. i told myself i was going to lock in when the new year started and we have already completed three months and i have made zero progress. i'm hoping june will be my fresh start.

my fuckass roommate will be moving out and even though i'll technically be in the same space, i'm hoping i can make it feel new. i'll reorganize. maybe i'll actually decorate. i didn't want to put anything on the walls because it all felt so temporary and it wasn't worth it to me. and while it is still going to be temporary, i need to reconnect with my space and make it feel like home and not just where i sleep.

i need to start getting out and enjoying life more. i still feel very stuck.

[spamtoon]

DCRC week 3 time! ...In week 4.

you see. every time i wanted to open this comic. i wanted to do something else actually sosososososo bad. however now's the time

my history with the comics is ZILCH. i've had my friend show me a few duck comics they had in their first language and i've read some of the darkwing stuff but i haven't dived head first into scrooge's origins the way that many other duckblr members have

please note i might be off because i am very tired as of writing this. i will pass out directly after i finish this and so my judgements might be a bit. Strange

First comment I'd like to make her is how professional the comic seems, though that may just be because i'm viewing this though the don rosa archive on the definitely legal website. i'm glad at the very least that all of these like. little comics that are hard to keep track of are in one place

second off i just want to shoutout how tiny louie is here. ity bity. the 87 triplets are so small. sorry this is how it is with me i'm like wow... i appreciate these comics and all of the work people put into them and then im like oh louie little

Oh my aching eyebulbs! I did in fact misread that as lightbulbs

great panel we've got going on here. og glomgold acting quite fruity while donald needs to catch the thing... Glomgold you do understand you are also claiming other people's fortunes given the work for you in the south african diamond mines... a detail that i've only ever heard in trivia until now.

donald is so just continuously done with their garbage and he deserves to be i think. for all he's been through

sorry i just like the exaggerated poses here and the sillouettes and line effects. showcasing the them

Oh deliver us!

sorry i just love the expressions (and posing in the third) here. i know i'm mainly admiring comic panels so far but dang it. they...

aaaaand this is where the stuff that. didnt quite age starts. i've heard from chatter on discord that Things Happen in this comic and that scrooge should be wanted in Peru because of it. they way that some of the descendants are just casually helping him gnngnsn. i understand it was the 80s...

glomgold ate in this outfit and i'm sure you all agree. assuming this is glomgold i havent read that yet but look at him. that's glomgold. his goofy ahh smirk

FOEIJFIOUSGJEIAFEAFOJIUEAAEJOFEADAEFJIEA well. i did forget that glomgold held scrooge at gunpoint. and he does! i'm so . the way he's just. being held at gunpoint and scrooge's reaction is like THIS IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE i'm so. not even a gun can stop scrooge mcduck. or the triplets for that mater they also are kinda unphased at this point

another case where i just want to note these panels for the pose and expression contrast between the two of them... they

FEAHUIAOEJFEA the cogging way that the sound effects STREEEEETCH across the winds. priceless i think

i also want to note the action panels in the plane crash section i'm so. this one in particular but all of them really

Okay so i guess they were just. stuck with glomgold for multiple days. and scrooge is like where the barp is everyone ohhhh curse me cog darn kilts sorry

also omg calisota mention. calisota girls we're unforgesorry

glomgold's little happy handstand... you deserve to dark.wing cartwheel actually i think. also caro thinking about quack.erjack

parrot mention (context. im normal about that phone guy)

also please know before it registered that was a shine effect i thought the zebra's tail was a Bomb for a second and that the twist was going to be it all explodes in glomgold's face. but alas

HUIDAEJIOJFAEIJF THE WAY SCROOGE IS JUST. CASUAL ABOUT IT like dammmm you guys were slow. the fact scrooge has just had a little setup out here i'm so. yeah let's prank glomgold

im so mad... its beautiful. ive heard comics scrooge vs dt.17 scrooge described as business scrooge vs family scrooge and if this isn't way to differentiate between the two of them. the adventure's over because Business glomgold.

sorry every serious comic person that may or may not be reading this because i am. not very serious especially right now but please know i have so much respect for these and cant wait to read more. except i have to do an assignment first. two assignments. four. school is kicking my behind right now thats part of why i'm late but i will catch up eventually. now time to go to sleep

OH WAIT THERES MORE COMIC hold on wait what if you see this while i'm editing no you don't. i can't believe i actually got juked by the fake ending. i will admit i have been coasting along for a bit now but Now i am invested

the way he spends multiple panels gloating about the gems specifically... both of them are so petty here and its beautiful

rooooolling giiiiirl sorry my legitimate first thoughts. i am having an era right now. yes glomgold chase your big gem frisbee

the way that they're dragging both of them out and away from each other. like alright folks. time to break it up here. you're gonna destroy the temple. and they do!

GLEEP!

okay now its the end. this comic has made me a fan of comic glomgold and thats what i'm going to say here. good night everyone i hope this is a great start to my beautiful comic journey

[captawesomesauce]

Thoughts at 11pm...

Some good news and some bad news, but mostly, a big thank you to @littleblondesoprano for being a great friend and helping me navigate all of these changes.

On 03/15/2023 my A1C was 6.3, and going back years, it hovered around 4-6. The higher it went, the higher dosage of metformin they stuck me on. For the longest time I was on 4 metformins, and 1 glipizide and it was working to keep my sugars below 120 and in the 80-90 range.

The problem was that I was shitting my brains out for the last 4 or so years! When I say shitting my brains out, I mean 14 times a day was not unheard of. Not just once an hour, but often times running to the bathroom MULTIPLE times an hour.

When I had to stop the metformin for whatever reason, like traveling, I'd go a normal once or twice a day max. But the docs said it was the best med and wouldn't change it.

Recently I've been doing worse with... everything. Pressure pain behind my eye, headaches, back pain, just not doing well at all. Sleep is minimal if at all... and going out has been sometimes just once a week.

With that change my blood sugars have spiked into the 250-300 range. Pee test showed issues with the kidneys and liver because of the increase in sugar too.

Now, I don't test my blood often, just twice a day... because I tend not to bleed much which is an issue. It can take 3-4 tries to get a good blood drop, even when they pro's do it. I am always covered in bruises up and down my arms and finger tips and it's just an excruciating process with no benefit. I know my numbers are high... so.. what's the point?

Today the doc and I talked and at first they wanted to put me on Jardiance which with my lasix would have been a whole other mess. Imagine the amount of peeing with those two?!!?!? Holeee shit that'd be bad.

So we nixed that idea, the next was to increase my glip and my metformin... and also wanted me to test more often... and it's like.. please... cmon... we can try something else, anything else... and I had asked for CGM puck things before but was told NOPE....

This time, she said why not try an insulin pen for a little bit, get the numbers back down, and go from there??? And I was like FUCK YEAH... i can do that! Insulin also means I get ok'd for the puck!!!

So we're dropping the metformin to a very low dosage, and the insulin is just once a day, I'll stick the puck on to track my numbers and go from there :)

I'm excited to see how well this works. I definitely want to get my numbers down.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

shuffled (sort of)

I was tagged for this by @lurkingshan and it looked like fun, so I made up a way to participate even though I don't listen to music on any of those services that people tend to use for these things. The closest I get is listening to things on youtube so I made a list of songs the YT algorithm suggested to me. That list was a bit long so I used a random number generator to pick ten. Well, I really hit paydirt. I couldn't have come up with a better list if I had chosen it all myself.

And then weeks went by and I sat on this nearly-finished post for no good reason! Now I'm dusting it off and getting it out of my drafts.

I'm never big on tagging people on these things, it makes me incredibly anxious. But after this much time has passed, I really can't imagine doing it. That said, if anyone reads this and feels inspired to do it too, please consider yourself tagged.

Orange Juice - I Can’t Help Myself

One of the best tracks on my favorite Orange Juice album. This is a really good distillation of their sound that shows their influences really clearly (postpunk, classic soul, the Velvet Underground, Chic, the Buzzcocks, etc. etc.) while showing how they did something with them that's completely their own. It doesn't hurt that no one sounds quite like Edwyn Collins.

SZA - Ghost in the Machine

For a couple of years now I've been trading song recommendations with a close friend of mine. In other words, we take turns giving each other a song to listen to. It's been great, in part because our tastes are pretty danged different (though with enough overlap to have common ground). I've found out about a lot of amazing stuff through her but I don't think there's a song that has stuck with me more from this project than Ghost in the Machine. This song just keeps giving me goosebumps after...it's been a year and change, I think.

Taemin - Criminal

Years ago I asked my old internet friend Kate (who I've been interacting with since our livejournal days) about kpop. She has always been better than I am at keeping up with new music and I knew she knew a thing or two about it. She gave me a short list of songs to check out and Criminal was on it. It didn't quite click at first but it stuck in my brain somehow. I came back to it later and boom. It clicked big time. It reminds me of a few things. The la-la-la part definitely has a debt to Kylie Minogue's Can't Get You Out of My Head and the lead-up to the chorus reminds me of Roy Orbison's I Drove All Night. It has a retro quality that probably makes it more palatable to a middle-aged listener like myself but when I hear the synthpop tones of my childhood through a contemporary filter I don't get nostalgia so much as a distorted time-warp feeling (in a nice way).

Brave Girls - We Ride

A while back I was emailing back and forth with another friend of mine who I talk to about music a lot--wow, I didn't know that was going to be such a theme here, but I love it--and we were talking about new and old East Asian pop genres. He made me a list of a few recent kpop and jpop songs that he thought were reminiscent of city pop, an 80s genre out of Japan that's a favorite of his. There were quite a few winners on that list but this song is the one I've listened to the most. There's another theme: sounds from my formative years filtered through a contemporary lens. I can see why my friend associated it with city pop. The combination of disco/funk elements (like that choppy Nile Rodgers guitar part) and soft pop (the harmonies, the synth strings) fits right into that category. These elements were everywhere when I was a kid but they didn't get put together in this way.

Tsunami - Be Like That

This song about a has-been ex-boyfriend is more relatable to me in my 40s than it was when I first heard it in my 20s, but that's how old Jenny Toomey was when she wrote it. I've never gotten super into Tsunami despite liking a couple of their songs quite a lot (this one, and Valentine, from their album Deep End). I should probably revisit them. They always had a way with washy guitars and interesting chords, and Jenny Toomey's voice is legendary for a reason. (The version of I Only Have Eyes for You that she recorded with Grenadine, her side project with Mark Robinson from Unrest and the drummer from the Eggs, makes really good use of that voice. It's fucking exquisite and literally gives me goosebumps.)

Spoon - Me and the Bean

This one's a bit personal. I was active in the indie rock scene in Austin in the early 'aughts when Spoon was transitioning from their status as a cautionary tale of major label abandonment* into the period where they reached greater heights on an indie than that major label ever would have allowed. That scene wasn't very big so it's not surprising that in addition to Girls Can Tell-era Spoon being nearly omnipresent for a period of my life, I also have some personal connections there. Anyway, people seldom notice that this song is a cover. I never saw the Sidehackers, the band who originally performed the song (I'm not sure if they even managed to record it). But if this song ends up being what people remember most about them, it would make a respectable legacy. I don't know the later Spoon stuff as well as this era, but back then, there weren't a lot of Spoon originals that were as overtly emotional as this one. (You didn't typically hear a line like "I have your blood inside my heart" in an original Spoon song.) Britt Daniel may not have written this, but he doesn't hold back in his performance. So I always appreciated how it balanced out the more emotionally reserved style of the other songs on Girls Can Tell.

*They channeled the experience into songwriting to good effect. "The Agony of Lafitte," about the A&R guy that signed them to Elektra before the label screwed them over, is probably my favorite Spoon song.

the Chills - Pink Frost

I feel like so much has been written about this song that there isn't much point trying to say anything about it. It has a truly important place in the history of New Zealand indie music, and the events surrounding it are pretty interesting. But mostly it's just a really well-crafted piece of dark, sneakily poppy post-postpunk. Among people my age with similar tastes to mine, I can't think of a song that ended up on more mixtapes. (Though a friend of mine always used to say he regretted that he couldn't really put it on mixtapes for girls he was interested in because of the whole murdered girlfriend aspect of it.)

Veronica Falls - Misery

This song is obscenely catchy. It only takes one listen to get me singing it to myself in the kitchen for months. It's pretty fun to sing to oneself, in the kitchen or otherwise, but I'm sure it would be a million times more so if you could reproduce the harmonies with a partner. Veronica Falls really are unparalleled in the harmony department, and it's even more enjoyable because they usually use those pretty harmonies to sing about morbid, depressing things. And that juxtaposition never feels like a schtick to me, which it easily could in the wrong hands.

Bolbbalgan4 - Dream

I've gotten into quite a few songs because they were featured on kdramas, but this is the only song where it happened the other way around—I liked it first, then watched Hwarang because of it. There was a video for it on youtube with clips from the series and the song made the show seem more interesting. Not to imply anything negative about the series, I think there's a lot to be said for it. But it was this song that made me want to watch it. I love this kind of super emotional kpop song that's so plentiful in kdramas. Maybe it's because during the decades when rock music was de facto banned in South Korea the country's dominant genre was the ballad. Maybe it's because of that particular brand of despair that kdramas excel at so much, coming up in a slightly different setting. This type of song is just more emotional in a certain way that any other genre I've run across. And this particularly example is, to my mind, the pièce de résistance.

Shearwater - Breaking the Yearlings

This is one of the highlights of Animal Life, which is my favorite Shearwater album. It took me a while to warm up to Shearwater. The thing that really sold me on them was going on a whim to see Jonathan Meiburg play a solo acoustic set in front of a tiny audience at the Cactus Cafe. I think maybe some friends of mine opened for him or something, because something must have gotten me in the door. I ended up being really glad I went. Meiburg's set was downright mesmerizing, and I was sold on Shearwater from that point on. This particular song gets in my head a lot because the washing machine in my building puts out this one repetitive tone when you're starting a load of clothes that is really close to the opening notes of this song.

[citadelofswords]

Fanfic Writer Interview Meme

eh fuck it i'll do this. was tagged by @redtailedhawk90

How many works do you have on AO3?

72 that aren't anonymous. don't feel like going to count the ones that are on anon but that's another 6 or 7? so like just under 80.

What's your total AO3 word count?

297,699 words total. which does include the anon fics since they show up in stats.

Your top 5 stories by kudos:

i've been with you such a long time (you're my sunshine) - good omens missing scene fic from the final episode i published like a week after the season dropped bc that's how you fuck your stats for life

hush hush (we both can't fight it) - penumbra pod jupeter 5+1 times i wrote pre-train from nowhere. it's somehow still the #2 most kudos'd fic in the penumbra tag.

fall to your knees (bring on the rapture) - critical role campaign 1 soulmate au fic. i do still really love this one, actually.

your eyes are swallowing me - jupeter masquerade ball fic. i had no idea this was here, for real.

ecstasies where they forgot to kiss - xmfc alex/armando soulmate au. i still adore this ship, i regularly think about writing something for them.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

rarely, if ever. i love all my commenters dearly but i'm really bad at figuring out what to say to people that doesn't just feel like a rote copy-paste thank you.

Do you write crossovers?

[stares at my interstitial fic] on occasion

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have tried multiple times and i get extremely extremely stuck on it. maybe someday i'll break past the wall in my brain about it

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i... wouldn't be surprised if i had but i don't actually know for sure

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yep! two marvel fics and one of my les mis fics. i have a blanket translation/podfic/remix statement on my profile (which i should amend, now that i think about it)

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah quite a few friends at the table fics i've written were cowritten with my girlfriend, actually; but only one of them is on ao3

What's your all-time favourite ship?

it's been a long time since i've had just one. i usually say that tony/ziva of ncis is my All Time Favorite but i'm just not sure anymore.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

oh i have a million of these lol you don't want to see the ashcan folders in my gdrive they're a fucking nightmare. one i wish i would finish is the cassmako post-canon road trip fic. but these days most of my WIPs that i really want to finish are original stuff.

What are your writing strengths?

dialogue. i feel like my best skill in writing is actually playwriting because it's All dialogue but

What are your writing weaknesses?

filling in the details between point A and point B lmfao

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

[silently scrolls through my own blog for ten minutes] idk doc a lot of the fandoms i've wanted to write for i've just written for. there's some interstitial stuff i want to get around to eventually but i've already written most of what i would answer this question with. exception being shokal i guess? and then eventually i'll finish the "carrie meets the wktd girls in the summer camp car" fic i have half-written. anyway.

What's your favourite fic that you've written?

ok genuinely i really like everything i've written but the one that suckerpunches me in the goddamn gut every time i think about it is every ghost in me, the interstitial infinity hinamizawa time loop au i wrote where i put shigeo mob kageyama into a torment nexus bc marn put alphonse elric into a different torment nexus and i said "i can make this worse". i have so many bonus scenes for this fic and i STILL think about it.

and if you're the kind of person who hates fun and doesn't think crossover fic is valid, then take these lines of lightning mean we're never alone the cassmako fake dating au

(note: because with all your heart has been semi-canonized i'm not sure i'm counting it as fic anymore, despite it being on ao3. so to my stasto people, it's only not here for that reason. i still adore it and am so so proud of it.)

Tagging: if you read this and it looks fun for you consider yourself tagged. and tag me in your post so i can see

[mamadoc]

rules: answer + tag some people you want to get know better and/or catch up with!

tagged: by @queseraone, @makeitastrength, and @chenfordspiral Thank you!!

tagging: @arch78, @imperiumwife, @come-rain-come-shine, @my-shields-are-down, @mostowa, @silverskull, @diamondtookoflongcleeve, @fuzzywuzzywuzzawriter, @girlintotv, @kanerallels, @nightstarrygirl, @northern-neighbor, @thisnightissparkling089, @renegadesstuff, @zippeylay, and anyone else that wants to play.

Favorite Color: Blue about 80% of the time. Sometimes I'm in more of a red mood though.

Last Song: All Star by Smash Mouth... Hahahaha... I had a 90's rock playlist going while I was running. Hahahaha. I'm trying to be healthier and get into better shape. It's a great song to run to, but it will 100% get stuck in your head.

Currently Reading: Pretty much just Chenford fanfiction. My 'to read' list is so long I probably won't tackle much else for a while. But as soon as my son is done reading the copy I bought, I want to read "Boys in the Boat."

Currently Watching: I used to spend my evenings watching a show or two with my husband after the kids went to sleep. But right now, I mostly spend my evenings writing. It takes time to compose and edit a 7-20k chapter each week! Perhaps I'll start something else once I get my two long WIPs done. Or maybe after I make it through all the prompts that are piling up.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As a family, we're rewatching all the Star Wars movies this summer.

Currently Craving: Nothing at the moment; I'm not a late eater. But I made my husband's favorite cookies (peanut butter blossoms - a peanut butter cookie with a Hershey's kiss on top) for him because we celebrated Father's Day a week early today, and they've been calling to me allllll day. It's a good thing my husband and kids love them, too, so they won't be around for long.

Coffee or Tea: I drink water 99% of the time. I've never had coffee once in my life. But if I have a cold, there's nothing that feels better on an achy throat than Korean honey citron tea (유자차). Mmmmm...so soothing.

This seemed like the easiest ask to tackle. I have several others piling up that I hope to get to once I'm done with my current chapter. Thanks! Looking forward to seeing more people's answers.

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - People Can't Drive

*Warning Adult Content*

Finnegan

I'm not sure where the weekend went, honestly.

Why do those two days always fly by and Wednesdays seem to last about a month?

That's okay, today is Thursday so I am over the hump.

Another weekend is approaching and Emmett doesn't have to work Saturday.

The plan is to go over and visit Tristan again which sounds great.

Hopefully we can do a bunch of house hunting too.

I found two that look good but I'm not getting my hopes up until I see them in person.

I stopped by and bought muffins and offer one to Megan when I walk in.

"You're a lifesaver Mr... Finnegan. Sorry."

"Hey, points for trying. Did we hear back from Marianne?"

She's going to be my new head of accounting.

Hopefully.

"Not yet but I just got in. I'll skim your emails."

"Thank you."

I got a new bookshelf for my office and have been filling it up this week.

I have a cool metal puzzle that you have to unlock, an antique fire truck because that makes it seem more adult and most importantly two cool baskets that hold actual toys.

My favorite new one is a small bouncy ball that I can toss around and catch.

It's fun when I'm stuck on the phone although rather distracting.

I almost hit poor Megan in the head the other day when she opened the door but I've been more careful since then.

Even better than my ball is my new lunchbox.

It's not new, it's probably from the 80's or 90's but it's a metal batman lunchbox with a thermos.

Emmy packs my lunch every evening, just something light, so that I have no excuse to go hungry.

I can literally munch while I'm at my desk.

He mentioned making chicken salad with the leftovers from dinner last night and I'm looking forward to it.

Getting my lunchbox was my second favorite thing on Saturday.

My first favorite thing was Saturday night.

Damn if he didn't work me over.

My intercom beeps and Megan says the email from Marianne is flagged and ready to read.

Awesome.

I open it and it's a yes.

I finally, finally have a new head of accounting and let me tell you, I desperately need one.

Yesterday, two of the three DoD bids I submitted got returned due to technicalities that I do not understand.

Marianne can not start soon enough.

I'm hoping for Monday.

My cell-phone rings and it's Tristan.

Not a great time to talk about this weekend.

"Hey."

"Finnegan? Are you alone?"

Why would he ask that?

Other than for phone sex of course and we've never done that and certainly aren't about to start now.

"Yes but I'm dressed, you silly boy. What's up?"

"Finnegan... he's okay. I promise he's okay."

Wait, what? Who? "Emmett?" 

Who else would he call me about?

"Yeah. He wrecked his car or well there was an accident. They took him to the hospital."

I am already standing up and grabbing my bag.

"Which one?"

"Union but he's okay, he called Peter and told him he'd be late and he can't be that hurt if he called and said that, right? So don't panic."

I don't panic, ever, I just flip into 'get shit done' mode.

"I'm not. Thanks, I'll call you later."

Okay, I need Megan.

"Reschedule today."

"Yes Mister... Wait. What about your ten o'clock appointment?"

Shit. SHIT. I glance at my watch.

"I'll be back."

That's almost two hours from now.

I'll go to the hospital, check on Emmett and be back in plenty of time.

I decide to call while I'm in the elevator.

If he says he's being discharged and going to work, there's no reason for me to go over there.

No answer.

I leave him a voicemail to call me and head out.

I have to google the hospital and get directions and it doesn't take me long to get there but it takes another twenty minutes to find the stupid parking garage and then to get into the right wing of the hospital.

It's like one tiny hospital has eaten fourteen others and they've formed the hospital centipede.

I have to go through security.

Really?

Who comes to hospitals when they don't have to?

After what feels like an eternity I find a desk and someone who knows where Emmett is.

It's nowhere near here but after getting lost twice and passing the cafeteria about five times, I find him.

His head is wrapped in gauze, the whole left side looks like something out of a movie.He's squinting but makes a lame attempt at smiling at me.

"Darling," he croaks.

"Dear Lord. Are you okay?"

I send up a quick prayer and make the sign of the cross.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm tough. Just my head but that's empty anyway. Do you have any water?"

I don't but I will get some for him.

Yes I will.

"Be right back."

I find the cafeteria before the nurses station and buy a bottle from the vending machine.

"Sure you're allowed to have this?" I ask.

"Think so, they're just doing x-rays or something. Stupid, I'm fine."

"Or your spleen could be ruptured and you could be dying. Let them run the damn tests, Emmett."

"You sound like me and your check up."

He's right but I choose to ignore that part.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, people can't drive. Hit the passenger side and my head hit the window. Sure I'll be hurting tomorrow but I just wanna go the hell home."

At least he's given up on going back to work.

"You're taking the day off, and tomorrow too, please? Want me to call Peter?"

He's thinking about it, actually considering trying to work.

I have NO patience for this and I can't even smack him if he makes this difficult.

"Yeah, go ahead. Thanks."

"Emmett? I have a meeting, I'm sorry. I..."

"Go, Finnegan."

"I will be back right after, okay? I'll take you home. Meet me in the cafeteria if they discharge you."

At least that I'll be able to find.

"I'll get a taxi..."

"No. Please? I'll be back soon. I promise."

"Okay, Darling. If that's what you want."

I squeeze his hand.

"It is. I love you, Emmett."

He just smiles and I can tell this short conversation has been hard on him.

"I'll be back soon."

[purplesurveys]

1806

Are you tired? Are you taking this survey because you can’t sleep?  Not very tired at all even if it's past midnight. I finally feel the calm that's been evading me for a while because 1) I have a long weekend, and 2) I can also finally stop fooling myself about resigning 'soon,' because I did it already a week ago :)

Do you have something important to do?  Not right now but I'll be doing a lot of job hunting in the next few weeks! Also tomorrow morning I'll be heading out to get my car checked because the handbrake icon has been lighting up for a while now and I need to know what's up with that lol.

Do you like Jalapeno Cheetos?  It tastes okay but I'm generally not a fan of packed snacks.

Do you wish you had a new phone?  No but I need to start taking care of my current phone, cos I learned today that the battery capacity left on it is at 77% which is apparently already horrible haha. I'm not in any rush to replace it at least until a year or two from now as it's still a fairly new phone, so it's just a matter of watching out for how much I use it going forward.

Name one thing you ate today?  Instant laksa.

Do you like 80’s music? 60’s music? 90’s music?  I have songs I like from each decade but none of them stand out for me when it comes to music in general.

Do you find rap music annoying? Rap music, and any genre for that matter, is super broad though. There are albums I like but then there are those songs that can get superficial about drugs and sex and have a lot of autotune that just makes me go egh.

What song is stuck in your head?  I'm Fine by BTS because it was the last song I played on Rhythm Hive before closing the game earlier today lol.

Have you ever been to Germany? Never been.

Do you drink coffee in the mornings? I need to, otherwise I'd feel super disoriented and not be able to get as focused at work.

Do you become a fan of lots of things on Facebook?  Not anymore, but I remember how huge that was before. People made pages out of anything and everyone would just be fans of them.

What time do you go to bed on school/work nights? Around midnight or a little past.

Have you ever seen a therapist?  I've never had a session with one, actually. Even though there were many times in the past where I know I should've.

Do you get in trouble at school often?  No. I got scolded once for talking during a class in Grade 4 and from there made it a point to never disrupt again haha.

Do you watch videos on YouTube?  All the time. Even if I don't watch a video per se, I like having YouTube on as background noise/visuals and keep it playing all day long.

Name a song that makes you happy.  These days, Paramore's Escape Route has been giving me all the happy vibes.

Name a song that makes you want to dance. Home by BTS.

Name a song that brings back memories.  Fireflies by Owl City.

Does the song above bring back good or bad memories?  A little bit of both, but mostly good.

What decade do you think is the best musically?  I'd be the worst person to ask this as I never really was an adventurous listener. I also feel like each decade has their own styles and charms when it comes to music so as far as 'musically best' I'd find it hard to tell.

Do you take a long time to get ready in the mornings?  I need around 30-45 minutes to prep before work. That includes taking a shower, making my bed, cleaning my room, playing with the dogs for a few minutes, and making coffee.

Do you wear a lot of makeup?  Does BB cream count? That's really the only thing I apply, and foundation. But yeah in general, the answer is no.

Have you ever written poetry or fiction?  I've dabbled in both but never enjoyed it. I was always one for non-fiction writing.

Do you know how to read music?  Nope. We had drills in music class where we had to read notes and such, but I never retained those and if you quizzed me right now I'd pretty much be clueless.

Do you regularly use a blow dryer?  I don't.

When was the last time you went to church?  Three Sundays ago. The last two I missed because I watched a public Royal Rumble watch party, then had a work event to oversee.

Would you date someone who was a different religion than you?  I wouldn't date anyone who's closely tied to their religion.

What is your best subject in school?  History.

Name something you do nearly everyday.  Use a laptop.

Do you take surveys a lot?  Than the average person, absolutely. Within the community...not nearly as much as I used to. I usually have time to check in only on the weekends now.

Have you ever had sushi?  Yes, it's one of my favorite foods. I literally had sushi at least once every week in January hahaha.

[fell-court]

Today's gameplay progress:

I made more progress with the main scenario of Endwalker! Specifically, I believe I've now finished all of the level 80 quests, so whenever I next log on I'll be able to unlock the level 81 dungeon

..I cannot remember how long it's been since I posted class levels, but I'm currently level 87 as a black mage, summoner, and dancer, then level 85 as a reaper (so.. I should probably swap to that while I'm doing these story quests to get it levelled up more, oops). Thankfully, since I'm now a level 90 dark knight, all these jobs will be getting the armoury bonus.

To get through some of my rested experience, I also spent some time levelling up blue mage by playing a very risky but fun "stealth game" of sorts with the Tempest's clionids and deep-sea leeches. So now I'm level 70 as one, which is tied with machinist and only one or two levels behind red mage!~

I changed Lorenza's Endwalker outfit slightly! I do still quite like her old one, but I think it might make more sense for it to purely be for 5.4 and 5.5(5) - a short-term showoff of a power she had stolen on the First, but nothing more. This is what the new one now looks like (featuring Alphinaud and Alisaie in new outfits of their own)!

You may notice I said main Endwalker outfit up above - I think this sort of attire would work well for general conditions, perhaps being sufficient for cold weather as well, but it may be slightly too much to have on in overly hot climates - like those of Thavnair, for example! I realised that the top piece of my summoner glamour matched the style that a lot of the NPCs were wearing, so I switched into it (though remained playing as a black mage) while I was there, which was a fun change to go back to. Here are some screenshots of that one!

This outfit shows off Lorenza's lower head feathers, which is fun, but the crimson vest she's wearing in her main outfit doesn't show bracelets, (which these are tied to) - and I can't figure out how to get it to show bracelets, so I may just hand-wave that by saying they aren't present yet.

(I also haven't decided if I'll give her a third, extra, outfit for the extreme cold of Garlemald yet - I know it's bad enough there that most of the Scions themselves get new outfits, so I might try and think of something.)

Other than getting lost in glamour hell, I also powered through the Minstrel's Ballad: Ultima's Bane by myself and promptly unlocked some savage Coils of Bahamut I'd completely forgotten existed. This was a good source of second chance points for my Wondrous Tails of this week (until I got stuck on Na'el), but I still don't have any lines yet, despite several shuffles.

That's about all I can think of for today!

[its-blip-on-the-radar]

I was curious, are you in any fandoms? Or in general like a thing a lot.

oooohkay so. I'm not in any fandoms really, I don't watch online media enough to really say I'm in a fandom

HOWEVER

I am a HUGE science nerd. Especially about biology. I am constantly researching animals and their behavior especially with ocean animals and reptiles. I also really love insects. I'm planning to have a reptile/insect keeping room one day because I love them so much. I have literally told my girlfriend I rather have a blue tegu than a dog. I don't really like furry things all that much if I'm being honest, I relate a lot more to the types of animals people claim are unable to love. Like yeah they probably don't get the burst of oxycotin that humans get about things, but getting a lizard or snake to trust you enough to be held without pitching a fit is amazing!! They're demonized so much in media and I adore them. My main special interest is also sharks so take that for what you will. I relate a little too much to animals that people make out to be "evil".

I also have a big interest in psychology. My brain is ten different levels of fucked so I kinda like doing research into how brains normally function or hell, even how my brain functions. Like the fact that people with schizophrenia are (I think) 80% more likely to experience insomnia than the average person! I just thought I was bad at sleeping but no there's a reason for it! But I'm also a big fan about the science behind human sexuality. I won't get too into the facts of it cuz a lot of it is NSFW, but looking a the science behind getting it on and how it affects the brain and how fetishes and kinks form, ITS SO COOL. I also collect vintage erotica and gay porn because of this gkjdkjlkfldkgl.

I also just generally have a big love for queer history, learning about the aids crisis and the struggles that our community has faced but also just the fact that we've ALWAYS been here... It makes me feel less alone.

And like the last main thing I'm into is spirituality type stuff. I'm actually a certified pagan priest irl, but my disabilities and life circumstances have made me need to take a really big step back from the work I've been doing. But I've always fueled my work in this with the fact I have seen SO MANY people do it the wrong way, that I want to be a guiding force in doing it the right way.

Besides that, I'm really big into the punk anarchist scene, I like the vulture culture community on tumblr here and have a few specimens myself, I build legos and models a lot, I like art (obviously), I'm learning how to do leather, metal, and wood working, and also building costumes or restoring old clothes/shoes. I like music and singing a lot now that my voice has dropped from testosterone, I play Minecraft and the Sims a lot in my free time, I'm not big on video games but I'm trying to get into TF2 again. I'm getting pretty good at the Pokemon Trading Card Game, as well as Magic the Gathering (Magic is much slower than Pokemon TCG if I'm being honest, that game is complicated.)

To be honest most of what I watch on youtube is documentaries, food reviews, and reddit videos, haven't found any youtubers I'm particularly into. Honestly, I spend most of my time scrolling through tumblr and listening to rock music because I'm two weeks away from finally getting to go home after getting stuck in Texas for seven months and I'm kinda stuck in wait mode. Hopefully once I'm back in Chicago, I'll be doing a lot more hobby wise. I might even share some of it here if I get my old camera back.

But yeah, that was a big old ramble, I know it's weird for me to be on the fandom website and not be in any fandoms but it honestly takes a LOT for me to get into series of any kind. 100% of the series or fandoms I'm "into" it just cuz I have an alter from their source. Either way I hope this accurately answered your question! I appreciate being sent stuff a lot!

[melancholyheartss]

Vent time because I am BEYOND pissed right now.

I'll call my older brother W and my oldest brother M.

For context, I have 2 older brothers, both are adults. One moved out recently, the other is in my room.

We moved about 6 or 7 years back, and about 6 or 7 years ago my parents were supposed to put the wall that used be be between me and my brothers room (my brothers were supposed to share a room).

Instead, my mom took my brothers room and put hers and my brother's stuff in my room. Me and my dad asked her to clean it out so my dad could put up the wall for years (we've had the stuff to build a wall for a while now), but she's put off doing it for years.

A few months to a year back W needed to move in because my cousin moved back in with my grandparents (mom's side), and my mother cleaned out my side of the room in a day or two and had him in there by the next Monday. I got the room for the week between when she cleaned it out and when he got put in there.

Obviously, I'm pretty damn upset about that, Ive been stuck in a room LITERALLY right next to my dad for about 5 or 6 years now, and before that i shared a room with my mom, and before moving i hadn't had a room since i was really little. It was MY room, and she took it and gave it to W.

But whatever, we live in a pretty run down trailer from the 80s, there's not a lot of space, I'm sure we'll figure out some way to get me in there. Thing is I don't want the room now.

M lived in the living room until recently, where he moved out to live in his dad's camper (me and my brothers have a different dad). I have my opinions about this choice, both of my brothers spent years trying to leave their dad's house because their dad is shitty, but he's and adult and it's his choice. He moved out a few days ago.

Since then I've been staying in the living room. it's not ideal, it's cold and there's no lights, but it's better then being shoved in a room with someone else all day. I'd still prefer a room but it's better then nothing.

W has a massive anger issue. He plays fortnite (because of course he does) and he rages a lot. He's broken a lot of computers, monitors, controllers, and everything else because of it, which has cost us a LOT of money we dont have. I've lost a LOT of controllers to him.

Just a little bit ago, he was raging at the game and slammed either his computer or monitor into the wall a few times, before saying something like "oh shit a busted a hole in the wall". I went back there to see what the fuck happened and my mother told me he "didn't really bust a hole in my wall".

I told my dad what I'd heard, and a few minutes later I heard her telling my dad W busted a hole in my wall. She fucking lied to me.

My dad was pissed, made a threat to kick my brother out, and then went to the dollar store. I confronted my mom about lying to me and she said she'd rather lie to me then tell me the truth because I'd "freak out of she told me" and that it "wasn't that bad".

I am BEYOND pissed right now. Stuck somewhere between cursing her and my brother out and telling my dad to kick my brother out, or completely ignoring them and being an asshole. It won't solve anything, but it's all I know what to do.

I want out of this house so badly, that will be the only good thing about being an adult.

Maybe I'm overreacting, idk, but I'm really pissed right now and I need to talk to someone and if I try to talk to my mom she'll just talk about how she "isn't good enough for anyone" and how she's "clearly a bad mom" (like she always does while mad) and I can not deal with that right now.

Don't shit on my mom. I love her a lot, but holy shit I fucking hate W and i want him to get the fuck out. I know he's my brother, but he's such an asshole even outside of this, he's completely unrecognizable to the kid I grew up with and would sneak out to play in the rain with, I hate that I hate him because he's still my family and i want to love him.

Alright rant over, ignore me lmao, just having some family problems and needed to get it out. :')