#i. dont know how to explain myself and im not gonna | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

clumsypuppy · 1 year ago

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anton belongs to @poicyss

#i. dont know how to explain myself and im not gonna #ive been collecting shitposts and finally drew them out with some sillies #btw lucky would probably be the irresponsible/fun uncle just because 1) vincent is indestructible and 2) he dont give a shit #this man is painfully oblivious to the fact that he joined a man eating werewolf cult so i dont think it would be out of the question #i also know anton is technically an abno but also. weirdly funny to me what it would be like for him to deal with an abno breaching #like hey wait you cant do that. only i can do that wtf #ALSO I FINALLY DREW HIM WITH FAT TITS. LETS GOOOOOO #god theyre so unhinged all of them. i love them <3 #my art #myart #my oc #friend oc #anton #augusta #lucky #vincent #doodles #sillies family #starshadow

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dreadfuldevotee · 10 months ago

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I know not everyone has read the books or cares about what happens in the books and thats VALID. But it is important to me that ppl know how insane it sounds to say that Armand is lying about being muslim

#interview with the vampire #char.txt #like i can accept a lot like i can but pleeeaase please #like i dont know the intricacies of how they got it wrong. ik the direction in which he was praying was one of it #but to me thats a production error unless proven otherwise #especially since there was no indication that real rashid was muslim or not like #okay im gonna stop this is an excersie in not explaining myself

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sydmarch · 7 months ago

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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy

#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing #& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after #dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are #worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding #variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you #like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill #the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of #shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think #are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that #& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like #what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i #cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try #& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific #parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list #like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it #doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me #but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like #I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like #a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it #be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of #just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet #anyways #texticles

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gaysetokaibas · 1 month ago

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im. the communication master <- just reached discord character limit twice making the same point in circles over and over

#i cant help . howmuch i talk over text #im an overexplainer cause i have so much nuance in my brain and im scared that it wont get Captured...#especially when. i know how the people im texting Think #and i Know that like. if i Dont explain myself theyre gonna think something specific but like that isnt Right about either of us #but then i look like a freak for overexplaining so i just. cant win anyways #whatever #m

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phagodyke · 4 months ago

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was just saying to my friend that since my period is due next weekend I probably won't be able to hang out bc it'll be difficult to walk from my room to the bathroom let alone like. to the station anyway just suddenly became aware that the continuous cramps I get in this stage of my cycle have been slowly increasing in intensity the last few hours so we may be on course for a week earlier start than usual. locking down all defenses rn......🚨🚨🚨🚨

#i always try and mentally prepare for how much its gonna suck dick and balls but every time it actually starts im caught off guard #i hate being in agonising pain i dont wanna have to do it!!!!!#not as if anyone likes being in agonising pain anyway but still..... i mean if it does start tn that would definitely explain a lot #like the insane insecurity ive been having. and other symptoms. but it should be too early i didnt even ovulate that long ago #whatever man theres no rhyme or reason to it i should know that by now. the worst part is gonna be feeling alone when im in pain #well no its not the worst part is the pain but emotionally the loneliness is gonna wreck me i can never prepare enough for it #my problem is that i get extremely needy in pain it makes me feel like a fucking toddler. but i cant allow myself to be around ppl for #comfort and reassurance bc it gets so overwhelming im not able to maintain the usual rules n boundaries i have to follow #i mean im needy anyway all the time but at least i work hard to keep myself in check so i dont cross other ppls boundaries #losing that inhibition is just bad for everyone involved and really embarrassing for me so its easier to just suck it up and feel shite #and i get soooo tearful and easily upset over the stupidest shit like even if i can keep a lid on it and not throw myself at everyone #i get so jealous over other ppl being able to express themselves or getting comfort that i get fucking nauseous i cant be in the room #it makes me want to dieeee its dumb as fuck. anyway my point is. well i dont know what my point is actually #it might be best for me to skip next weeks plans anyway bc ill work myself into a fucking tizzy abt it in my post period exhaustion #i cant third wheel my friends while im in a state like that its too much. its hard enough third wheeling on a regular day anyway #like ok i get it u guys are much closer n have different boundaries w each other than u do w me. thats cool. please dont make me watch #when im feeling wretched and want things worse than normal. ugh anyway sorry ruminating again. i tried #just really anxious abt the pain properly starting but i know theres no avoiding it. oh well. ill take some painkillers in advance #i have some leather repair to work on and then i might draw a bit. and then back to cooking i have brisket slow cooking rn #so fingers crossed thatll take my mind off spiralling. sniffs pathetically #wait i need to go blind bake my tart lets start w that okayyy bye #.vent

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just-spacetrash · 10 months ago

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#aaaaaaa i rly know how to pick my interests huh #im watching sentinel again #its so funny its so funnnn #once again we got an ep with a new Sexy Mysterious Mystery woman whos just so sexy and mysterious #and im OBSESSED with these fucking. corny 90s fade to black slo-mo sex music with sparkle sound effects and cheesy synths we get #and obviously more background characters with one ear pierced #im getting fashion influenced tbh im gonna start wearing just one earring because of this stupid fucking show #its just. such a nothing show in the grand scheme of things i dont rly know who to talk to about it #i dont have anything profound to say about it i just find immense joy in watching these stupid repetitive episodes #my post #YES this is like my hundredth 'my post' about sentinel what of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#all of them have these stupid corny one liners like all the time im gonna cry #im losing my MIND im trapped in a CAGE #its this🤏 close that ill just start pacing around my room talking about this stupid show out loud to myself #why??????????? i didnt choose this life #if heaven is real its just me getting to explain episode plots one after another

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heatwa-ves · 1 year ago

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getting embarrassed I need to stop being weird and go get ready for bed. gonna speedrun studying in the morning ill have four hours where the library is open before my exam and then ill have work and then ill have to study for my other exam fuuuuuck

#beloved usamerican mutuals can you explain to me how your supreme court works because i was NOT paying attention for that topic #i dont know anything im gonna fail omg im so scareddd #fuck #ik i can definitely pass tomorrows exam but wednesdays theres no chance #and my teacher is the sort of person where disappointing him feels like shooting myself repeatedly in the head #fuck this #i hate academics i need to drop out like. yesterday #anyway. whatever im gonna go get ready read fic and then sleep

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redstrewn · 2 years ago

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im fr so weak to fictional men w deceptively soft exteriors like that shit makes me go fucking crazy

#esp when they outwardly are peacekeepers or like to avoid surface level conflict #but theyre like some intense motherfuckers on the inside that they keep under wraps and barely--if at all--ever (accidentally) reveal it #I GO A LITTLE CRAZY #IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN WHY I LIKE IT SO MUCH BUT I WANT TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS. IVE LIKED THIS FOR FOREVER.#I WANT TO KNOW WHY. IM GONNA PSYCHOANALYZE MYSELF.#they dont even have to be yandere. Garry from Ib isnt a yandere but he has a “feminine” seeming side and can seem a scaredy cat #but at the same time he can get a little fucking intense. i think he beat up some mannequin for scaring the shit out of him and he #legit was going to fucking burn mary #THESE KINDS OF FICTIONAL MEN.................THEY PLAGUE ME.#redstrewn talks #i think a lot of it has to do with self control. seeing it break. why do i like that #the struggle w self control....why do i like that so much like it makes me go fucking crazy

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phagodyke · 1 year ago

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hour and a half unpaid overtime I think that's a new record for me. on a day where I was supposed to have no overtime no less. funny how I only have 3 of those this month and the 2 so far I've had to work overtime anyway 👍

#i shouldve left at 4:15. killing myself at work in front of everyone #well im actually not that mad ive been listening to yhe national on loop for the last 6 hours of my shift nothing can touch me #but the disrespect....#my boss came n found me at 4pm and was like hey can u do another round of this assay (<- takes an hour and a half)#and i said no!!!! bc she already gave me too much shit to do i was busy ALL DAY and still ran over like how tf do u expect me to fit MORE #she gave me 1.5 hours to do 14 samples in this one assay where each one takes 15 mins plus 5 mins prep per sample beforehand #so like 20 mins per sample THATS 4 HOURS AND 40 MINUTES and thats assuming no repeats and no troubleshooting!!!#3x the time u scheduled for me... come tf on. i need to make a table of how to calculate how long an assay takes so she stops doing this #rly not that hard just ask me how long i need for it and ill explain it to u #and then i finished up n emailed results n went to go switch lights off in the other lab and shed left samples out for me to book in. GIRL #PLEASE EMAIL ME OR TEAMS ME DONT JUST LEAVE THEM THERE.. u know im working in the main lab ALL DAY #so im not gonna fucking see them!!!! and they need to be refrigerated!!!! next time ill just leave them out overnight and when shes like #why are these samples ruined jts expensive to get more ill be like well u didnt tell me to book them in so.#anyway she moved the other assay to friday n she was annoyed i didnt fit it in earlier but WHERE. WHERE WAS I MEANT TO FIT IT IN!!#also i have 2 separate multi hour assays booked friday already so good luck im out of the door at 4:15 if its not done its not done idc #ughhhh. if the bus is late too im going back to my work and blowing the building up #WHAT. EVER!!!!!!!#.diaries

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cantdanceflynn · 1 year ago

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OBVIOUS NOTE OF "GUYS I HAVE THE MEDIA LITERACY NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS AND ISNT A PIECE OF MEDIA ADVOCATING FOR A BAD THING AND I KNOW WHAT BAD WRITING AND PACING IS" BUT LIKE. *JAZZ HANDS* THIS IS GONNA BE ON MY OWN TIME AND SHIT N READ THE REST OF THE POST AND BLOCK ME IF NEED BE BUT IM GONNA BE AT SOME POINT WATCHING THE H*LLAVERSE AND D*MP(CENSORED TO LEAVE THIS OUT OF SEARCHES SORRY)

ALSO IM MAKING THIS CLEAR BC IK IVE BEEN VAGUE ABOUT IT BEFORE AND I DONT WANT ANY EXTRA HARASSMENT OR FOR ANYONE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT TO TAKE ISSUES. UH BC IVE BEEN ON THE FENCE BOUT IT IM JUST MAKING THE CHOICE NOW. NO MORE DOUBLE GUESSING STUFF I WANT TO WATCH FEHFBSFBSSFB IF ITS BAD ITS BAD AND ILL PIRATE IT ANYWAYS AND IF IT DOESNT DESERVE ANY ATTENTION IT SURE AS HELL WONT GET IT FROM ME BUT I FIGURE THIS IS JUST. A BETTER CHOICE FOR ME TO STOP GUILTING MYSELF WHICH HAS JUST BEEN A HORRIBLE THING WHENEVER I SEE ANYTHING I WANT TO AT LEAST CHECK OUT AND IM SICK AND TIRED OF PUTTING SOME PEOPLE IVE TALKED TO TWICE OVER MY OWN HEALTH IN THE WEIRD ASS GUILT TRAUMA SPIRALS I KEEP FORCING MYSELF INTO

SO THIS IS PROBABLY THE ONLY POST ON THIS TOPIC IM MAKING BC IVE BEEN SO BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN "MAN THIS IS GREAT FOR ME" AND "OH GOD THE TRAUMA" LOL

BASICALLY THIS HAS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING AND MAYBE THISLL BE LIKE THE HORROR THING WHERE I RLY LIKE IT AND I TRY TO HOLD BACK BOUT IT BUT END UP OBSESSED BUT MORE LIKELY THAN NOT THIS IS JUST GONNA BE A HEADSUP FOR ANYONE UNCOMFORTABLE W LIKE THE TWO BIGGEST TARGETS FOR "IRREDEEMABLE MEDIA" BC ITS LIKE. VERY FAIR TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE W EM AND I DONT BLAME U AT ALL SO I WANT TO MAKE SURE UR WARNED

REPETITIVE POST IK AND IF YOU ARE LIKE. MY FRIEND FRIEND AND YOU DONT WANT ME TO LET ME KNOW AND IF I RB ANYTHING IT WILL BE TAGGED AND EVERY SINGLE DISCLAIMER I JUST. WANT TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE KNOW AND IM CLEAR ABOUT THIS FOR EVERYONES SAFETY, EVEN IF ITS SOMETHING SMALL LIKE THIS. MY APOLOGIES AGAIN, SERIOUSLY IF YOU ARE LIKE. A FRIEND FRIEND I WILL TAKE UR OPINION ON THIS DW

#THIS ISNT GONNA APPLY TO LIKE. SOUTH PARK OR HARRY POTTER OR SOMETHING. BUT LIKE. AND TLDR THIS IS JUST ME HAVING HISTORY W MEDIA #BUT ITS IN A ''BAD PEOPLE ARE THE MAIN REASON I HAVE THE PASSIONS THAT I HAVE AND WANT TO ANIMATE AND ENJOY WHAT I ENJOY #AND I WANT TO AT LEAST DECIDE FOR MYSELF IF ALL THEYVE DONE IS AS BAD AS PEOPLE SAY BC IK THEYRE THAT BAD BUT I WANT TO AT LEAST SEE WHERE #THAT PASSION WENT TO AND IF NOTHING ELSE MAYBE ALL THE MEANSPIRITED POSTS WILL BE RIGHT AND ITLL BE FUN TO LAUGH AT. AND IM SURE THERES #STUFF THATS SHITTY IN THERE. I KNOW THERE IS IN FACT. BUT I DUNNO IM TIRED OF BEING TOLD HOW BAD EVERYTHING IS FROM FUCKING HOMESTUCK FANS #LIKE BUDDY IM NOT NEW TO THIS IK THERES WORSE SHIT IN OUR WEBCOMIC. I SEE SOME OF U RBING SOUTH PARK STUFF AND THEN DECIDING THATS #TOO INTENSE AND I DUNNO MAN MAYBE ITS ALL PERSPECTIVE MAYBE IM JUST TIRED OF BEING A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE COWARD ABOUT EVERYTHING #BUT POINT IS FUCK EVERYONE WHO WAS A JERK BOUT IT IM GONNA BE WATCHING THAT SHIT ON MY OWN TIME AND IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE UR BUSINESS #SO DONT MAKE YOUR DEATH THREATS MY BUSINESS'' WAY #AND MAYBE THATS ALL NONSENSE AND SHIT BUT THIS IS YEARS COMING AND IVE DECIDED IM WEEDING OUT THE ASSHOLES #AND IK I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF THIS MUCH BUT MAN I AM TERRIFIED OF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD. ANYWAYS. 👍. ✌.

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oflgtfol · 2 years ago

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hands on my knees im actually working 58 hours this week

#im TIRED #next week michaels doesnt go so hard so it shouldnt be as nuts as this week and last week #brot posts #i stayed an extra hour and a half today at michaels bc i wanted to do the sunday craft lolll #we were painting wooden frames again #the craft goal was making it into the sun but i made mine into a generic star #did a cool gradient trying to capture limb darkening #didnt bring it home with me today cuz it still had to dry and it was raining so im gonna take it home tomorrow lel #oh and the kids were very fun today #idk like lol im already kinda shy myself so when a shy kid comes up to me im like. how do i act #i also dont know what to say because i am also shy. lol. and i also was once that shy kid so i feel like trying to force conversation #will just be unpleasant for both of us #but when the kids are outgoing and willing to talk its fun lol #i was explaining how to do the gradient effect with the paint to one of them she did a great job

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sensitivegoblin · 10 days ago

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👉🏻👈🏻 if you like littles pls feel free to dm meeee

#lilgoblin #i cant sleep and im little and wanna talks #highgoblin #being little is also more than a headspace for me ive learned #i need to talk to someone about it so im rambling here:#i think i may have DID. it may explain somethings.#and when i let myself indulge in it i do feel better. like i just started holding in a switch as im writing this and-#-and my mysterious chronic pain LIT UP in pain moments later #i dunno i dont wanna be wrong and playing pretend but also whatever this is feels so good when i let it go #but bad things notoriously feel good :(#i just wanna be a good person AND okay #im still open to exploring it i just have moments like tgese where im arguing with myself #its not like im trying to become a DID influencer right? im just trying to get the best medivene for my condition #so if i use DID tools in private and find out in deatn that i was a fruad: i shouldnt be punkshed cus i dudmt hury amyone rignt #sorry chronic pain ks bad in typing arm thats the reason for typos #what if im a sicko that gets off on trauma and wants it so ive Munchhausen myself into this??????#fuck man i hate knowing my guilt doesnt absolve me from anything.#im gonna try to just let myself be cus i just had a 'woah' wakeup moment #i spent all night with my friend so i was happy then i naturally switched. i only got sad/sick when i started to spiral and stuff it back in #need a deep tissues massage as i loop an audio of my loved ones saying im not a bad person svxs GJ cxsfhcdfff #i might let myself switch more tonight to undo the spiraling i just did so pls be nice i promise im not actively faking #the little alter actually drew the crayon drawing i posted a few days agooooo #i made a pintrest board for them to look at. think imma get high n try to let her look at pretty pictures #its like a nervous parent watching their kid drive; i keep interrupting cus of my nerves but i do wanna let others take the wheel #i wanna fall asleep with someone while lil; msybe then id get tp bed earlier tjam 5am lol #its cringe but ima drift to sleep imagining my friends praising me n cooing me like a pup or a lil: its my hack for how to feel a hug >:3 #mind hacks. your palace is YOUR rule.

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jackass-jones · 9 months ago

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I forget that I have every mental illness until I’m having another week long spiral over a offhand comment made by a friend months ago that if you take and interpret in the most bad faith way imaginable it means uh oh this person isn’t who you thought they were ahahaha you idiot you obsessive freak you’ve been so attached to this person and it turns out they’re a monster actually and you’re so lonely and desperate that you forced yourself to be okay with them this is proof you’re incapable of feeling anything for anyone and that you’re right to believe everyone is evil and stupid. Die

#ughhhhhhh and the worst part with this specific kind is like how would i even get reassurance if i needed it #like its like ‘hey dearest friend i bet you dont remember but you made a joke 4 months ago that ive obsessed over and basically ive decided #that youre irredeemably evil so please explain to me why you arent’#and in general i have a bad habit of acting like a parent towards others and like i know everything and have to teach them how to behave #cuz yippee unhealthy family dynamics mess everything up #so I have to restrain myself from doing that with friends cuz not only is it exhausting its also like #is really condescending and assumes they cant take care of themselves and make their own choices or have their own opinions #but then i try so hard to avoid being that guy that if i let minor things slide i panic over it #like really stupid shit like someone could sarcastically say they idk push old ladies down the stairs for fun #but they dont make it super obvious with their voice that theyre being sarcastic #and then i panic cuz what if they genuinely think its okay to push old ladies down the stairs and i said nothing?#i thought they were a nice person but theyre gonna betray me just like everyone does and im stupid for trusting them #ughhhh i hate this i hate it so much i dont know why i do this so bad i try every technique to calm down #i gotta be okay with no one being perfect and not every moment of confusion getting closure #but god im so tired of turning on people like this its like i feel so fake i love you so much its obsessive #but then you say one thing that i dont particularly like and uh oh i hate your guts actually!#and yeah what triggered this specific spiral is actually so stupid lol but it reminded me why i keep everything secret all the time

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