#i.e. rationalism

[mikareo]

⌗ RATIONALISM ₊ ˖ ་. rin itoshi x fem reader (6.6k)

⊹ ⠀⠀ for as long as he can remember, rin's world has been in black and white - giving him no reason to appreciate his mother’s profession as an artist and the beauties that art can provide. however, an accidental meeting with you gives him reason to doubt his former beliefs - proving to him that there may be true beauty in a world that’s void of everything bright, that beauty being the sunshine that you provide. 

contains; colorblind!rin, painter!reader, rin's mom is reader’s art mentor, rin hates art, strangers to friends to lovers, major crushing from both sides, slow burn but also not slow burn (like a nice simmering burn), swearing, fluff, reader acts like she’s on an adrenaline rush 24/7, jealousy, angst, explosive arguments, lowkey toxic, extremely inaccurate depictions of colorblindness!!, rin sucks at flirting (very canon of him...) author's note; there'll be a part two titled "romanticism" eventually. idk when tho asjkl (i’m a slow writer XD)

Whenever the sun meets its peak at the high dawning point in the sky is when Rin knows it's a perfectly acceptable time to visit his oh-so-beloved mother. If he could, he would spend every waking moment with her - he’s a momma’s boy through and through - not only because she birthed him and taught him everything he knows, but because she’s kind and good. She’s also one of - scratch that - she’s the only person he can stand to be around for more than twenty four hours - and he takes great pride in having such a wonderful woman in his life.

However, despite how dearly he holds his mother to his heart, the issue with visiting her at this time of day is that she’s in her art studio. A place he loathes more than having to wear wet socks with sneakers. While it’s a beautiful space, with high wooden beams and floor to ceiling windows, he finds himself nauseous at the mere sight of the countless tubes of oil and acrylic paints. It’s not that the smell or colors are distasteful, it’s the fact that no matter how hard he squints and struggles, he cannot fathom what the simple color red looks like.

Complete black and white color blindness isn’t a life threatening condition in the slightest, but for Rin, it feels as if he’s being stabbed through the sternum at any notion of the changing leaves or colorful streaks of light across the sun-setting sky.

He doesn’t hate his mother for being an artist, he simply hates the art itself.

And he especially hates pieces of art like the one sitting before him, now. With the blobs of squares and triangles against the supposedly white canvas, sitting perky on the easel as if to mock him - he decides to reach his hand out - and remind himself how emotionally detached acrylic paints make him feel. It’s wet, he observes, rubbing his thumb and pointer finger together to mix the possibly different hues. Rin hopes he didn’t ruin the artist’s painting in any way, he wouldn’t know if he’d accidentally smeared shading or contrasting primaries - but surely the artist could fix it in a jiffy.

“Do you like it?”

Well, that certainly isn’t his mother’s voice.

“I tried using cooler tones in the corner here, and then migrated towards warmth in the lower portion.” You’re beside him now, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with his position, and completely ignoring his personal space - all while he’s never met you before this day. Your finger is extended, pointing towards the artistic decisions you’re elaborating on that, in all honesty, he doesn’t give two shits about. “I’m thinking about sketching some paper cranes on top of it all, I want it to represent the change of seasons.”

“What do you think?”

You’re staring at him now, bright eyes shining with curiosity. Rin is at a loss for words, mostly due to your unannounced appearance in the studio, but also because you’re possibly the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid his eyes on - which is shocking, considering the sight of thick paint smudged against a person’s face typically sends him running the opposite direction. He’s never felt an immediate connection to the women of his past - however you, a strange girl who resembles a dog waiting for its treat, has his heart beating at twice the rate.

“I like this shape.” Rin purses his lips into a straight line, never having felt so awkward in his whole life. “This square is nice, too.”

You look utterly unimpressed with his evaluation. Your nose is scrunched in distaste and the fold beneath your right eye seems to be twitching in disapproval for your own artwork. “That’s all that you like?” You step ever so slightly closer to him, chin tilted up to meet his gaze, before retreating quickly and coddling your painting. “Perhaps I overestimated my color palette. I really thought it would be the outstanding moment of this piece, but I guess I could rework it if the shapes are all that matter—”

“Did you touch my painting?”

Oh boy, he’s in for it now.

A nervous laugh leaves his mouth, embarrassing him further as he reaches up to scratch the back of his neck in an attempt to look casual, only for you to grab his wrist out of thin air. “Oh my god, you did!” Your mouth is agape, inspecting his tattered skin in shock - yet somehow he knows that you aren’t truly upset with him - you don't seem like that kind of person. “Did you not realize that you’ve got scarlet red all over your palms?”

Rin’s mind is blank, his ability to form coherent sentences is gone, and he can only muster up the cheesiest, most terribly dreadful joke that he’s said in the twenty three years he’s been alive.

“I guess you caught me red handed?”

There’s a moment of silence, with the two of you displaying the most aloof expressions either of you have ever made, until your face lights up with laughter. He doesn’t understand what could possibly be so funny - his joke was awful - but the sound of your contagious fits of giggles make his heart feel a little bit warmer in a place that he commonly feels suffocated in. For the first time, the studio gives him a sense of comfort rather than distress - and he knows it's because he’s developing a very clear crush on the pretty girl beside him. 

You’re hysterical, resembling that of insanity while Rin is simply stuck in time. He can’t tell if he should be steadying you before you trip over your own feet or if he should simply take his leave and forget this day ever happened. 

“I don’t mean to be rude,” he begins, watching you wipe a tear of laughter from the crinkle of your right eye, “but why are you here? Do you have an appointment, because I could’ve sworn there weren’t any other people that were allowed in the studio at this hour—”

“Oh, I do know you!” The volume of your voice just seems to get louder and louder. “You must be Miss Itoshi's son! She always mentions how lovely her little boy is, I can’t believe I’m finally meeting you! Though, I expected you to be like six or seven, not my age. She should’ve mentioned that you were handsome, not cute - she really chose every adjective other than the ones that wouldn’t make you sound like a primary schooler.”

Does she ever stop talking? Rin doesn’t think he’s ever heard another person ramble on-and-on like you do. Normally he’d have ended the conversation by now, walked away without a second thought of whether he acted rude or not, but he knows that his mother would strangle him if he was to blatantly disregard her current favorite student. The student that she loves telling him stories about at the dinner table every Sunday night as he’s just trying to eat his fingerling potatoes in peace.

The same student who he’s somehow enjoying talking to - though it’s mostly just you talking to his blank face - and is causing a soft yellow blush to form on his cheeks. He doesn’t actually know if yellow is the color related to blushing, but he thinks he’s read it somewhere before. 

“Anyways, to answer your question—”

Rin feels like he’d asked you hours ago.

“—I’d walked all the way to the train station and realized I’d forgotten my wallet here - which is strange because normally I never forget anything. I’m a very organized person—”

Yeah, he doesn’t believe that. 

“—and then I had to run all the way back here—”

Your shoes are scuffed. You definitely tripped on the way.

“—where I accidentally ran into a stroller…poor baby—”

Yep. Tripped.

“—which led me to you!”

You’re smiling now and Rin doesn’t think he’s seen so many teeth shining at him in all of his life. God, do you ever run out of energy? No matter, he knows exactly where your missing item is. The anonymous wallet had been the first thing his eyes had grazed over when striding towards your artwork - good thing it’s only an arm’s reach away.

He snatches the wallet from the art easel and is pleasantly surprised by the quality of the possibly monochromatic leather. The clasp is simple, requiring just one twist before the contents of your identity are laid out before him. “Well, it’s nice to meet you,” Rin recites the name written on your license and holds the items out to you, to which you reach out, eager to reunite with your belongings. However, at the last second he waves it in the air - away from your dying fingertips - and clicks his tongue two times. “Try not to lose it again. It’s a luxury brand, isn’t it? I like the black color.”

“Black?” Shit. The tilt of confusion your head makes indicates that your wallet is not, in fact, black. “I’m either stupid or color blind, but this is red.”

Before Rin can respond, he’s saved by the bell. Well, technically his savior isn’t an actual bell, but you get the gist. “Miss Itoshi!” Thank god she’s finally here to distract you. He’s been fighting to maintain his pride throughout your entire interaction. “I made an extra trip to the studio and ran into your son, here! You weren’t lying when you said he’s a little quiet - honestly, I feel like I’ve been talking to myself this whole time.”

You quite literally have been doing that very thing for the past ten minutes. 

“Oh, Rin! Have you been acting rude?” His mother’s expression is tense, stricter than the time he ‘accidentally’ took her (grey?) Kia Soul on a joyride that one weekend he and Sae decided to go on a midnight run to the department store. “Please don’t mind him at all, dear. You see, he doesn’t exactly get out much - his social skills might be a little underdeveloped.”

She can’t actually be saying this right now. This is exactly why he hasn’t had a girlfriend in months - his mother embarrasses him in front of every pretty girl they come across in the first two minutes of saying ‘hello’. It isn’t that Rin is a terrible flirt - which he is, but he likes to deny it - it’s that he loves his mother so much that he can’t bear to tell her that her attempts at ‘hooking him up’ are always bound to fail. 

However, you don’t appear to be phased by her words. If anything, you’re actually pleased by the sound of him being socially impaired. 

“That’s actually perfect!”

What.

The.

Fuck?

“He can be my portrait model!” You’re still talking. Please, for the love of God, stop talking. “You know how I’ve been trying to become better skilled in the emotional aspect of my paintings, he could definitely help me out by showing anxiety and embarrassment - and you’ve been telling me it’s about time that I found myself a model.”

The endless trail of words that continue to string from your mouth seem to reach their end. Rather than speaking in spitfire, you’re now crazily staring at Rin, himself. Both of your fists are clenched together in a pleading hold and he doesn’t think that you’ve blinked since the start of your conversational rampage - but despite the absurdity of your proclamation, he believes you have good intentions. There really is no reason to deny the request - after all, he’d be helping out his mother in the process, she does love having successful students - but he just can’t imagine himself spending any more time in the dreadfully grey studio than he already does. 

“I don’t think that would be a very good idea, ______.” His mother catches your words before he has a chance to give you his own oral letter of rejection. “Rin’s never been one for art.”

“Oh.”

All you have to say is ‘oh’? 

“I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” you continue. The expression on your face is suddenly stern. Has he offended you in some way by saying no? “I’ll figure something else out, Miss Itoshi. I apologize if I overstepped.”

You’re bowing your head before him now, and Rin is shell shocked. His first impression of you was undoubtedly a dud, considering how you actually do seem to have a rational bone in your body despite the hyperactivity you displayed just moments before. While he’s mustering up a response, you lift your eyes - lashes fluttering like upwards brush strokes on a canvas - and send a small smile his way. It’s as if you’re silently apologizing to him for the undivided attention you tormented him with, but he doesn’t want you to apologize. 

He just doesn’t know how to say that he actually liked your personality. 

God, he’s so bad at flirting. 

“Thanks for finding my wallet, though.” Your fingers are suddenly touching his, momentarily grazing against his skin as you pluck your wallet from his hands. There’s no chance that you haven’t noticed the rising heat that’s currently warming the blossoms of his cheeks, and he hopes that you find it endearing. While he isn’t great with words, he likes to think that he may be at least a little bit cute. His mother always calls him a ‘cutie’ - which he appreciates, but it’s also so degrading for someone of his age. “Maybe I’ll be forgetful more often, now.”

He hopes you’ll start being more forgetful, too.

You’ve left your entire bag this time. 

He can’t tell if you’re trying to be subtle and coy with the budding feelings that’re growing between the two of you, and you’re just as awful at flirting as he is - or if you’ve just given up on leaving small signs of attraction. Honestly, in the past few weeks of you leaving paintbrushes and lanyards in the studio, he’d assumed it was all naturally an accident. This, though? How do you expect him to believe that you left your entire satchel in the studio? Sure, you can be a little dense, but not that dense. 

It’s obvious that you’ve begun to lose track of your belongings for the simple reason that you enjoy partaking in the awkward exchange of items when you ‘hastily’ return to the empty renovated greenhouse and get to act surprised to see him standing there with his arms full of things with your name written all over them. In fact, this instance has happened so often that Rin is beginning to believe that he actually enjoys it, too. 

Sometimes he thinks that maybe you should just write your name on him to speed up this dreadful ‘will they, won’t they’ process that you’ve been pacing together. 

He likes you. He really really likes you, and you both know it.

You’d picked up on his feelings from the second time you met - when he willingly stayed behind in the studio for an extra two hours just to hear you ramble about the difference between heavy and soft body acrylic paints. There was something about the way you grinned at him. How your chin would angle upwards to his height in order to have a proper conversation. How you weren’t afraid to say anything and everything that was on your sporadic mind. How your eyes would sparkle at the dedicated eye contact he was making - letting you know that he was hanging on to every word that left your lips (which he just recently found out are pink - and boy does he wish to know what that undoubtedly lovely color looks like against your skin). 

He hates to compare you to a painting - which he still finds a positively dreadful blob of nothingness - but to him, you are one. You’re a captivating piece of art hanging on the walls of the nationally acclaimed museum in his mind. 

A captivating piece of art whose art of subtlety is extremely lacking, considering that your phone number is quite literally painted on the largest white canvas your easel can hold, in bold lettering that he would have to be visually blind to miss, plastered behind the hiding place of your bag.

‘P.S. It's written in red paint. I know you have a thing for red.”

As much as he likes you, you can be such a pain in his ass. The bane of his existence, if you will. 

It pains him to notice how he hadn’t thought twice about typing the digits into his text bar, smiling to himself at the sight of your make-shift contact with the horrid selfie you’d taken on his phone to be your future contact picture. Your hair is an utter mess, with flecks of paint scattered across your hairline - which, to be honest, look like dandruff to him with their lack of vivid color, but he told you that they resemble snowflakes. He lied - but what you don’t know doesn’t hurt you. 

Without hesitating, he types a singular ‘hey’ before backtracking. What if you don’t know that it’s him texting you? What if you think that it’s a random stranger who just so happened to be in the art studio and thought to add your contact information to their phone? He better be more clear. 

‘Hello, ______. You know me.’

Perfect. 

In less than a split second, you respond. He can feel his nerves itching at the sight of the grey text bubble popping in and out of view. Ring can’t even remember the last time his heart beat so fast. Perhaps when he was standing in front of his secondary school health classroom and he accidentally mistook a photo of the urinary system with the ovaries during a speech about the female menstrual cycle? The stream of liquid projected against the white board was in fact not what he thought it was (how was he supposed to see the difference between red and yellow?), which turned into a horribly disgusting presentation that Sae still bothers him about to this day. That was dreadful - but this is definitely equally as dreadful, if not more.

‘Stalker much?’ Huh? ‘Hi though, Rin. That text was very…you.’

‘You added my number pretty quickly.’ Man, you text really fast. ‘You just couldn’t resist me, could you?’

He doesn’t know what to say back. It’s as if his mind has been scraped raw of all romantic material that one would usually use in this situation - the situation in which an unbelievably pretty girl is talking to him through a phone screen. Rin is completely frozen in place, time, and thought. The only part of him that isn’t paralyzed is the hole in his chest that is beginning to be thawed by you. His frozen heart of past relationships has found its fire - and oh does it burn for you. 

“Cat got your tongue?”

Where the fuck did you come from?

Swiveling on his heel, he turns to face your approaching figure. Your footsteps are lighter than air, likely being the reason as to how you managed to stealthily sneak in so quietly while he had been distracted with his phone. The light denim jeans that cover you from waist to ankles are perhaps his favorite pair you own. You’ve painted on them over time, sketching out a garden of patterns that don’t require color to appreciate. Your artistic ability is uncanny - he can’t deny the fact that you’re incredibly skilled - and he believes that you should be given an award for making ‘art’s number one hater’ a growing fan. 

“You left your bag.” No shit, Captain Obvious. “Do you want it back?”

He’s so bad at this. 

You skip towards him, your left foot following your right in a rhythm of peppiness, and lean up towards him with a shine in your eyes. God, you look so pretty. Sure, seeing you from a comfortable distance with an easel separating your bodies was nice and all, but when you pull stunts like this - with no room for him to scurry off and run - he actually takes the time to digest your features in their true beauty. You’re the artist, yet he seems to be the one who’s always studying you.

“Do you have any plans for today?” You ask in a curious tone. Your hands are held together behind your back as you send him a beaming grin with an upturned lip. “—because I was thinking about grabbing some tea, and it would be so unfortunate if I had to go all alone and sit by myself with all of those strangers around me. Who knows what could happen? If only there were someone who could protect me in case a sleazy guy asks for my number…”

Are you trying to manipulate him, right now?

“I’ve got nothing to do today.”

—because he’ll gladly let you do so. 

The peaks of your eyebrows raise in surprise, not expecting him to accept the offer so quickly. Over the short time you’ve known one another, you’ve noticed that Rin’s reluctance to spend one-on-one time with you has dwindled. He’s slowly becoming more comfortable in your presence and whatever inner turmoil that he’s facing is fading into the tide of your raging tsunami. There’s a peaceful gaze behind his brown eyes, now. One that you love to study whenever he isn’t looking your way (which isn’t often). 

“Then it’s a date!” Surging forwards, you take his arm in yours and link yourselves together. He’s initially shocked by the immediate physical connection you’ve managed to make within mere seconds, but he thinks that he likes it. It’s been so long since he’s even held hands with a girl, so he’s understandably tense, but you’re giving him time to adjust. After all, scaring him away would be your last intention. “I’ll even pay for your drink, since you were kind enough to find my lost satchel.”

“Yeah, your lost satchel was so hard to find.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He smiles to himself.

Yes, you do.

He isn’t sure how, but he’s somehow burned his tongue again. 

“Shit!” Rin hurriedly places his mug down onto the circular wooden table that separates the two of you, while attempting to be gentle since he doesn’t want to waste the perfectly tasty coffee that you paid for. He groans, dabbing the corners of his lips with one of the complimentary paper napkins. “Why does it get me every time?” 

This is perhaps the third week in a row that you and him have ditched the studio and decided to claim the neighboring cafe as your designated date spot - though you’re still an unofficially exclusive couple. Unofficial as in Rin hasn’t found the nerves to ask you to be his girlfriend, and exclusive as in neither of you are nor want to see other people. It’s a confusing situation for both parties to be in, but he just can’t seem to take that next step with you no matter how hard he tries to push himself towards the ideal solution. 

Rin is a rationalist. He takes in the information given to him through interactions and associations, working through it with logistics on his mind, and tries to find the best outcome. It’s how he’s lived every hour and every day of his adulthood, and he’s fairly set in stone with his mannerisms at this point. He always known who he is, what he wants, and how to obtain those things. What he didn’t know, though, was that an unpredictable variable (you) would crash into his life and disarray the routine that he’d been building for twenty-three years. 

The hypothesis born of the situation isn’t a difficult one to solve, after all he’s had it written down for a month: if Rin finds the courage to ask you to be his girlfriend, then you’ll likely say yes and the two of you will live happily ever after. Easy, right?

Wrong. He’s a chicken.

“Here. This might help you cool down.”

Your arm is extended, offering him your drink of the day without hesitation. Every time you come here, arm-in-arm, you order something different. ‘There’s no fun without surprise’, is what you tell him after the consistent strange glances he sends your way when you’re ordering, and he can’t help but disagree. You’re very different individuals - and that difference is extremely apparent with the light, mint garnished tea in your glass compared to the dark roast coffee in his. 

“Thanks, ______, you’re a lifesaver.” He sighs in relief as the cool liquid flows down his throat in an internal waterfall. “Holy shit, this is actually so good.”

You laugh, “I would hope so. I only got it because of the photo on the menu. It’s like a rainbow of color.”

And there it is. The thing that isolates him the most from your world. 

As much as he likes you, which is more than he can explain, he can’t help but have that itching thought at the back of his mind that you’ll never truly be able to connect with one another. You bask in the beauty of the world around you. From the apparent golden sun showers and bouquets of stark red roses - two things that you’ve described to him in great detail amidst your walks through the farmer’s market on Saturday mornings -  to the countless brush strokes against the white canvas at his mother’s studio, you adore a world in color. 

It’s a viewpoint that’s shaped who you are, from infantry to your current age of twenty-two, and it’s something that you’ll never be able to let go of. 

To be quite frank, it scares him. It keeps him up at night knowing that seeing the world through your eyes is impossible. That it’s a far off dream that is unobtainable, taunting him in his mind and heart like a bone dangling in front of a dog’s face. He wishes that he could admire the blue streaked skies and emerald green ferns that line the streets of the city. He yearns to feel overcome with pride at the sight of your watercolor drafts - which you attempt to show him after every class session to no avail - and congratulate you on the progress you’re making. There are so many things that he dreams of doing with you, dreams that exist solely in your world, as they’ll never be possible in his. 

He hasn’t officially asked you to be his yet, because how could he?

How could he bind you to him? You’d be miserable looking through his eyes - having to see only hues of black, white, and grey, similar to the pencil sketches that you’ve openly shown your hatred for in front of him. ‘There’s just nothing there,’ is what you mumble to yourself. ‘No life, no anything without color.’ To which you then drop a single ounce of paint against the seemingly dreadful piece of art - and the sparkle in your eyes as it comes to life is something that he loves to see but can’t understand… 

…as you see the world in a way that he can never understand. 

Rin doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to tell you about his condition. It would end everything all at once, and he isn’t sure how he would recover from that kind of heartbreak. You’re so blissfully unaware of how much conflict runs through his veins on a daily basis. Hell, you don’t even notice how he orders a singular black coffee every time you approach the counter together. You don’t see how he struggles to agree with you as you admire the assortment of blended beverages with a forced smile on his face. You don’t understand why he chooses to indulge in such a bitter drink and make sure to comment on it every single time.

He can’t blame you, though - it really is disgusting - but he also can’t tell you that he orders his coffee black since it’s a universal drink that appears the same to everyone who sees it. At least when he’s holding the steaming mug between his large palms, he knows that it appears to you as it does to him. That the divide that’s ripping a ravine through your connected hands is lessened in a sense - and you’re truly viewing one thing as the same. 

Which is why he sits pretty and appreciates the short time that you do spend together, and suffers through piping hot coffee three times a week with no interruptions. 

“I think I’ve made some progress on my portfolio.”

Your drink has been returned to your hands now. The small, clear glass is ringing as you tap the sides with your fingernails. It’s somewhat soothing, the rhythm following the tune of one of your favorite songs that Rin happens to know very well after walking in on you in the middle of ‘art therapy’, in which you blast the music at full volume and deafen all other sounds. You have a tendency to be impatient - art being the only thing that can really pin you down for a long period of time - yet you’ve made room in your heart for Rin despite this. 

“Really?” Rin dabs his mouth carefully, being ever the proper suitor in your presence. “My mom hasn’t given you any recent critiques?” 

“No, she has.” As your words continue, you take a long sip of your tea. He can feel his cheeks flush while you swallow. He loves anything you do. “Just little comments about negative space and color theory, but I’m getting there.”

“Nice.”

He doesn’t know how to respond to that.

“Yeah, nice.” 

Despite his seemingly rude reaction, you’re still gazing at him with a smile on your face. It isn’t an exceedingly joyful smile or one of excitement, but something of contentedness. You’ve become comfortable around him - shedded the hyperactive layers of skin that you display to onlooking strangers - and have begun to share the side of yourself that only your bedroom walls know. Seeing this side of you has made him fall even harder. Knowing that someone so confident, so bold, is just like him - caring so much about first impressions and likeability - and has their own insecurities is validating. Validating in the sense that you find him special enough to throw away the filter and be your true self in his presence. 

“You know,” you begin in a wistful tone, “you aren’t a man of many words, Rin - and if I’m being totally honest, my patience is running out.” 

He hopes this isn’t going where he thinks it is.

He’s not letting you ask him out before he can—

“What am I to you?”

Oh.

Your eyes are giving him an expectant look, now. 

What the hell is he supposed to say to that?

This is the quietest you’ve ever been, you aren’t even swirling the star-shaped ice cubes in your strawberry lemon tea. 

Why can’t he think of anything to say?

His silence is causing you to furrow your eyebrows in concern. 

This is so embarrassing. Just say something. Anything. 

“You’re my mom’s student.”

Anything but that.

“I’m…” the words at the tip of your tongue seem to dissolve like damp sugar cubes, “I’m your mom’s student.”

Your sentence is more of a statement than a question. It’s as if there’s a machine in your brain, working through his given answer and comparing all of the other possibilities he could’ve said. There were endless responses to your inquiry, and he somehow managed to pick the worst one. 

He needs to fix this. How can he fix this?

“You’re not just a student, though.” His words are tumbling over one another in somersaults and you seem to perk up at his continuity. The hope in your heart grows a little bit larger, pulsating and yearning for him to say exactly what you’d been wanting for weeks-on-weeks. “You’re my mom’s special student.” 

Oh God, he made it worse.

“What?” Rin tries to reach for your hand in an attempt to compensate for his actions through physical touch, but you retaliate and instinctively jerk away. You quickly stand, drink in hand, and back away from him as he follows like a lost puppy. Your head is shaking from right to left, disbelief exerting from the pores of your skin like poison - sentencing him with death while it seeps through his gaping mouth and empty palms. “I’m a special student?” 

How the hell are you so fast?

Within seconds the two of you are at odds outside of the building. The weather is somewhat chilly - springtime having just come around with the cherry blossoms in full bloom - and it’s probably a beautiful day with the petals raining down on the pavement. You’d usually make a comment about how wonderful the horticulture was outside of the shop, but now you’re stomping over every fallen flower and budding stem that lies in the way of your rage-filled path. He’d always thought of you as a gentle soul, but apparently even gentle souls have their breaking points - and he never dreamed that he’d be yours.

“If I’m so special, what makes me different from the girl before me and the one before her?” This is the first time you’ve ever raised your voice at him. “Did you take all of them out for drinks? Did they all get to spend one-on-one time with their mentor’s ‘handsome’ son? Did you lead all of them on, too? Rin, what kind of answer is that?”

You’ve found yourselves in an alcove now - about a block from the cafe in a small garden nestled between two buildings. The blossoming trees continue to surround you from all sides, perfectly framing the tragic picture of him saying anything and everything you absolutely do not want to hear. A large sigh leaves your lips, heaving from your chest as if he’s popped a balloon and is pushing all of the air out with the strength of his smooth hands. 

“That’s not what I meant!” He pauses as you halt in place, slowly turning to face him like you're something out of a horror movie - a monster who’s ready to murder their prey. A gulp runs down his Adam’s apple. You’re terrifying when upset. “Please, just let me explain!”

“Explain what?” Rin flinches at your volume. “If you want to explain yourself so badly then tell me why the hell would you say something like that?”

“Sure, you aren’t the best with banter or having a crush - but dear God, you cannot possibly be that dense.” This is getting bad. “I’ve left hundreds of hints! Every single goddamn day - and you’ve picked up on all of them! You know, I thought that when you’d hold my hand or kiss my cheek that you actually meant something by it. I figured ‘he spends so much time with me, he can’t possibly not like me’, but no. I’m just a student.”

Your face is fuming with every dreadful word that comes out of your mouth. “Oh, sorry. I’m a special student.”

If this were a scene in an animated film, your hair would be on fire now. Flames as high as mountain tops would be spiking in sharp peaks at every end of sentence and statement spitting from your mouth. Your normally warm irises would be drawn as ice cold, not leaving any room for life as they skate across his timid features - wishing for him to reach freezing level so you could smash him into a million pieces. 

You’d always told him that red and blue - fire and ice - were two things that you admired most. With their ever changing states of matter and forceful power amidst the seasons, he found himself believing as you do. Rin actually learned to appreciate their vast palette as if he could see it with his own eyes - but now? Now he thinks that they’re the two worst things in the universe - as their destructive nature has decided that their target is him, and he has absolutely no defenses prepared. 

“I should’ve caught on sooner, shouldn’t I have?” You’re still going, hot tears building up and threatening to stream down your cheeks. Never in his life has Rin been at the receiving end of such anger - and never in his life has he learned how to manage a situation as such. So, he does what any clueless man would do - he returns the anger. 

“You’re not even listening to me!” His hands are violently moving while his words cut like knives. “You never listen to me!”

“I never listen to you?” He’s apparently hit another nerve. “Is that some kind of sick joke? Rin, all I do is listen to you! It may not look like it, but I see the way you tense whenever I talk about my passions and dreams. I notice the way your face drains when I’m asking you for your opinion on my works in progress. Sometimes it’s like I can physically hear your eyes rolling when they see me walk into the studio with my bag of brushes and materials. Yet, you think that I don’t listen? I take note of every single thing that you do when you’re around me, because I don’t want to miss out on a single moment with you, and you don’t even care!”

He can’t believe that you’re pinning this on him.

“How could you even say that?” Rin can’t tell who’s in the right or wrong anymore - all he knows is that if he doesn’t stop speaking, you’ll walk away forever. “I’ve never cared about anyone as much as you! I’ve done my best to entertain your interests and the absurd things you ask of me—”

“Well, your best hasn’t been enough.”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding.

“Are you being serious, right now?” 

Your eyes are stoney, rock solid with stubbornness as you refuse to accept his side of the story and he knows that you won’t be budging from the beliefs that you’re choosing to hold against him. Rin doesn’t know how everything went so wrong so fast, but he does know that he doesn’t have what it takes to save the situationship that he mistakenly put the two of you in. 

“What the fuck did I do wrong that you resent me this much? Not even an hour ago all you wanted was to see me get down on one knee and profess my ‘undying’ love for you.” He’s so angry. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this angry. “Now I’m some asshole who doesn’t give a shit about your wellbeing? If everything I’ve done hasn’t been enough, then I might as well go fuck myself, right? I’m sorry I’m not perfect like you! I’m sorry I can’t see the world through crystal lenses like you! I’m sorry that I’m not good enough for you!”

His face feels wet. When did he start to cry? Was it ten minutes ago? Five? Just now? The hurricane of emotions that he’s putting himself through is more than he’s endured in years - his mental blockage of his condition finally coming to light as his heart runs off of the rails - and you’ve definitely seemed to notice considering the concern etched into your expression. 

“I was never going to be perfect for you,” he begins with a softer tone. Perhaps his hot bundle of rage has subsided for a few moments. “I can’t be with you. I can’t understand how you see the world. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life listening to you ask me all of these questions and opinions on your work when I can’t even see it fully.”

You’re so close to him. Somewhere in the flurry of words, you took a step in his direction. “Rin, what’re you talking about?”

As he bites his bottom lip with the fear of judgment raging in his mind, his secret is set free. 

“I’ve always liked this shirt on you,” he solemnly smiles, “This shade’s my favorite color that you wear.”

You look up at him, pulling at the fabric against your chest in confusion. “Red?”

“Grey.”

He’s laughing lightly, making up for the thoughtful silence that you’ve found yourself in. It’s like he can physically see the gears turning in your head as they attempt to make sense out of his statement. “It’s more of a rich grey - almost black - and it compliments your skin tone. You know, my mom used to tell me that the way to a woman’s heart is through compliments. I’ve always tried my best to do that, but it clearly hasn’t been working.”

His hands somehow find yours as he shares the inevitable truth he’d been hiding so hard - and with a deep gulp, his secret is finally exposed.

“After all, how could I ever reach someone’s heart without even knowing what color their eyes are?”

part two is ready!!!!! read romanticism here

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⊹₊｡ reblogs are greatly appreciated! ˚₊⊹

[stormyoceans]

face of a man who just discovered he wouldn't mind being bent over a desk and getting punished for misbehaving by the new fellow hot teacher WHOOOOOOO SAID THAT

[umbracirrus]

WIP Wednesday! 💛

I actually scheduled this WIP post yesterday to be posted today just because we had a new internet provider set up today and I didn't know if there would be any issues. Luckily, it seems to be running great! Keeping it scheduled to post though!

A decently long WIP this week, with both Elyse and Balgruuf getting some sense talked into them after their argument about her fine. I'm probably posting a good chunk of a chapter of The Perfect Storm here 😅

I'm tagging quite a few of you this time!! Hehe :3 But of course no obligations to share if you don't want to! Tagging @thequeenofthewinter, @pitiable-arisen, @throughtrialbyfire, @bostoniangirl21, @your-talos-is-problematic, and anyone who wants to share their WIPs! 💛

------

“Odahviing told me that you said that Jarl of Ahrolsedovah was helping you, protecting you by giving you shelter in his palace.” Paarthurnax stated, his words spoken to her, though it came across as more of an observation than anything. “Has this now changed, Dovahkiin?”

Elyse scowled frustratedly as she huddled against the wall atop the Throat of the World, her borrowed and oversized clothing given to her by Arngeir from the surplus donations left for the Greybeards held tightly against her body. “He was,” she grumbled, watching as the old dragon slowly moved to shield her from the most frigid of the winds. “Until he took matters into his own hands. The person I was trying to hide from decided to try and fine me for... reasons. I responded by ignoring it, because I didn’t commit any crime! Is wanting independence and the ability to make my own decision a crime?!”

Paarthurnax’s eyes narrowed towards her with how heated she was getting, so she took a few deep breaths before tilting her head back and sinking down into the snow beneath her. “But it was Balgruuf who took that from me instead, by handling my fine.”

 “Did he tell you why he did so?”

“... N-Not really, no...”

That was a lie, and she knew it. Paarthurnax likely did too. He’d yelled that she was endangering Whiterun. But she didn’t know any more than that – how exactly was she endangering the hold? Or was he just frustrated that she hadn’t done anything and used that as an excuse?

“Then how do you know that he was, in your own words... ‘taking matters into his own hands’?” The dragon’s head lowered towards her, in a manner reminiscent of when she was a child and her father would kneel down to talk to her to let her know that what she had done was either wrong or reckless but didn’t want her to think that she was in trouble. “Perhaps... He thought that he was helping. That you would be safer if he were to do so. There are many questions which can be asked... But can only be answered by him.”

Elyse wavered in her frustration towards Balgruuf, before shaking her head, allowing it to bubble up once more. “It doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t discuss it with me first.”

“Hm. That is... True, yes, but would you have done it yourself even if he were to discuss the issue with you?”

She knew that he was correct, and frowned as she folded her arms over. “I... I don’t like burdening others with my issues. It just drags others into the chaos that has been my life since I made that stupid decision to leave Cyrodiil years ago. Balgruuf took on enough of them by letting me into his home...”

“Have you considered... That sharing your burdens may make them lighter? This Jarl seems to be looking out for your best interests, Dovahkiin. That is not something to be taken lightly. The Greybeards have also spoken to me of this Jarl... this Balgruuf. When you brought war to High Hrothgar to stop the unruly eldest, he was one of the few who did not want violence to dictate the peace. Who did not throw vitriol or bitter words. If this is true, I doubt that malicious intentions are behind his actions.” Paarthurnax rose once more, allowing the frozen winds to once more brush against her, and forcing her to stand up and conjure a small flame in her hands to counter some of the cold. “You should talk to him... That will help with clearing your mind and easing your burden. Perhaps the same will go for him too. I would imagine that he would be worried for you, as would everyone else that you left behind.”

As much as she wanted to argue back with him, something stopped her. Her anger had fizzled out, and had been replaced with a gut-wrenching anxiety. People would be worried. It was the middle of winter, she had left on her own without a word of where she was going... And she had left in what was worse than a bad mood. For all that they knew, she could have gotten herself killed.

She needed to get back to Whiterun.

“Sahvot, Dovahkiin. Have faith. Things may not be as bad as you currently perceive them to be.”

---

"I don't know what you are expecting me to say, Balgruuf. That you want me to pity you over this situation? That you want me to give you a little pat on the back and say 'there there'? Because if you do, I am most certainly not-"

"What? No, Irileth, I just-" Balgruuf took a deep breath as he ran his hands down his face. "Look, I am just trying to get my head around this all," he stated, starting to pace back and forth across his bedroom. He hadn't even wanted to be there in the first place, but after being caught in his study with some documents which needed reading through by Frothar – who had promptly tattled – he had been kicked out of there to get some rest. "Surely not having a bounty which was getting bigger by the week is a goodthing? I don't get what about that was enough to make Elyse angry or leave the way that she did!"

Irileth let out a frustrated puff of air from her nose. "Because you made an important decision about her without her. It's damn well obvious!"

"I needed to protect Whiterun-"

"And you promised to protect her."

"I-" His throat felt dry as not a single word came to him at that direct statement which made him freeze in his tracks. When he had made the decision to pay off that fine, his intentions had been to do achieve both of those statements – protecting both Whiterun and the Dragonborn. Getting Ulfric off both of their backs had to have been beneficial, he had been certain of it. The looming threat of an attack had been on their doorstep, it had been pushed back to give them space to breathe. But now… he was feeling uncertain. Uneasy.

"You welcomed her into Dragonsreach so that she could be safe."

His jaw tensed as he turned his back to his housecarl, and pressed his hands into the top of the drawers which were to his side. For a moment, he took in a few deep breaths to calm himself, in the hopes that the point had been made and he could take a moment to just think.

"For all that she knows now, all it takes is Ulfric Stormcloak throwing his demands about for him to get what he wants."

Irileth's words were both eye-opening yet horrifying. He had always appreciated her bluntness and her ability to assess a situation, but hearing it all directed at him now…

"How long will it be until you hand her over to him, saying that it's for the good of Whiterun?"

He had messed up.

"I would never-!"

"And how would she know that, Balgruuf?!"

[psychopomp-namine]

I actually have a fic idea but lc is a show that's like. you will never ever have all the information and context until the end. and I am a writer who writes best and more confidently when I have all the info and context at my fingertips. so now I'm just like 🧍‍♂️

anyway. ramble in the tags

[northopalshore]

Rising Signs in the

MC persona chart

The rising sign in your Midheaven Persona Chart represents the way you are seen in your career or in your public life.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

୨୧ Please do not repost without consent ʕ⁠´⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠`⁠ʔฅ🔉

How to find MC persona chart?

In the signs & degrees

Aries 1°, 13°, 25°:

You are seen as someone who is very honest, direct, stubborn and passionate. You might also be seen as a competitive or a very significant opponent. People will be especially judgmental with you.

Taurus 2°, 14°, 26°:

You are seen as very elegant, patient, friendly and lovely. You will also tend to be seen as a loverboy/girl that's down to earth. You could also be seen as stubborn, slow, or lazy.

ex: Lisa has Taurus rising (12° pisces) in her MC persona chart. She's seen as someone very friendly and relatable but also elegant and untouchable. (information from astrotheme, could be unreliable)

Gemini 3°, 15°, 27°:

You are seen as someone very quick witted and talkative. You are also seen as friendly and open minded. Some people might see you as fake or "loud"/annoying however.

ex: Cardi B has her MC PC rising in Cancer (27° gemini). She's seen as someone talkative, loud and very vocally genuine with her feelings. She's known to not hide how she feels with her audience. A lot of people empathize with her backstory. She's also great at conveying her feelings and frustration through rap/talking, writing.

Cancer 4°, 16°, 28°:

You are seen as someone very innocent or someone that needs to be protected. People could find comfort in your presence. You could also be seen as someone soft, genuine and emotional. On the downside, people could assume you are immature or too emotional.

ex: Jungkook has a Cancer rising (22° capricorn) in his MC persona chart.He's known as the youngest of BTS and people tend to mother/baby him well until now.

I also have this lol. My rising is Cancer (28° cancer) in the MC Persona Chart. Well since I have a blog, I think this one will unfold itself eventually so I won't write it here.

Leo 5°, 17°, 29°:

You're seen as a showstopper, someone with a big presence. The one to turn heads when they enter the room. People will see you as someone popular and talented. On the downside people can think you are somebody attention depraved or a pick me even when you aren't.

ex: Megan Fox has Leo rising (20° scorpio) in her MC persona chart. It's Megan Fox girl, no explanation needed.

Virgo 6°, 18°:

You are seen as someone practical, analytical and mature. People could see you as reliable and careful. You are usually used as a reference point for everyone else. People will also be very critical of you or think you are too judgy or harsh.

ex: Ex-US President Obama has Virgo rising (4° cancer). People see him as a very calm, rational person who is down to earth and connected to the people.

Libra 7°, 19°:

You are seen as someone flirty, beautiful and charming. Many people will be stricken by the way you look and dress. You are seen as fair and nonjudgmental. You could also be seen as petty, shallow or fake however.

Scorpio 8°, 20°:

You are seen as a baddie lol. A savage, ruthless and threatening. Your presence will likely be very impactful for those around you. People tend to judge you a lot however, you could attract a lot of hate just for existing in the public light.

ex: Megan thee Stallion has Scorpio rising (22° capricorn) in her MC persona chart. She's seen as someone savage, s*xual, hardworking and revolutionary i.e she's well known for being a weeb while being a rapper which wasn't as commonly addressed in the industry.

Sagittarius 9°, 21°:

You're seen as someone very friendly and relatable. People will think you're funny and witty, but also wiser than you'd first appear as. You could also be seen as rather preachy or have some sort of god complex.

ex: Billie Eilish has Sagittarius rising (9° sagittarius) in her MC persona chart. She's seen as relatable and opinionated, but super friendly and funny.

Capricorn 10°, 22° :

You could be seen as untouchable or unapproachable but hardworking and loyal. People may think that you are very serious or strict, not someone who would be tolerant of mistakes. People could think you're cold or very dominant at first.

Aquarius 11°, 23°:

You are seen as an independent person. Someone with zany antics and unconventional ideas or appeal. You will also be seen as rebellious and revolutionary. People might have their opinion about you (whether good or bad), because of the same traits mentioned.

Pisces 12°, 24°:

You are seen as ethereal, kind, passive, dreamy and soft. People will be drawn to you spiritually and they might even put you on a pedestal. You might also be seen as unrealistic or unreliable at times. You could also be seen as delusional.

ex: Ariana Grande has Pisces rising (11° aquarius). Many people idolise her in her career, seeing her as emotional and unparalleled to other artists. Innocent and almost untouchable. Her music is seen as revolutionary and unique (as she combines multiple styles to create her signature style).

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₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊

Thank you for reading ♡

@northopalshore Midheaven persona chart 2024. all rights reserved. discretion is advised. Disclaimer

@northopalshore

[literaryvein-reblogs]

a list of "beautiful" words for april

to try to include in your next poem/story

Anfractuous - full of windings and intricate turnings; tortuous

Baldachin - a rich embroidered fabric of silk and gold

Casuistry - specious argument; rationalization

Dépaysé - situated in unfamiliar surroundings; astray

Éboulement - landslide

Edulcorate - make pleasant

Gramarye - necromancy, magic, enchantment

Intercolline - situated between hills

Katabasis - a going or marching down or back; retreat

Mortiferous - deadly, fatal

Mythopoeia - a giving rise to myths

Nephelococcygia - the act of seeking and finding shapes in clouds

Oblivescence - an act or the process of forgetting

Prairillon - a small prairie

Quassia - a drug from the heartwood and bark of various tropical trees of the ailanthus family used especially as a bitter tonic and remedy for roundworms in children and as an insecticide

Redivivus - brought back to life; reborn—used postpositively

Stelliferous - having star-shaped markings

Tonitruous - thundering, fulminating

Upaithric - hypaethral (i.e., having a roofless central space; open to the sky)

Vorago - an engulfing chasm; abyss

More: Lists of Beautiful Words ⚜ Word Lists ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[mikareo]

I just finished rationalism only to find out pt 2 hasnt been posted 😞 plsss the tension is killing mee

OMG I FORGOT TO POST IT AKAOLSL

[rednightmare18]

Sometimes I do think the hyperfocus on religious guilt, especially the hyperfocus on religious guilt pertaining to sexual behavior (with one particular romance taking up 90% of the fandom's concern here), is eclipsing the absolutely fascinating canonical relationship Henry has with God.

Henry's guilt, a complicated tangle of survivor's guilt and moral guilt, is never on clearer display than when he dreams of his parents. This dream is the face of how Henry feels about himself and the sins, moral and divine and cultural, he has committed. It always troubles me when I see people yelling at Henry's parents as if they were really there... and not recognizing this is insight directly into how Henry feels about what happened in KCD2.

Notice that he is deeply caught up on theft and revenge/wrath (even when he argues with his father/i.e. himself in his own defense).

Notice, too, that he has no apology to make about Hans (if romanced). Of even greater interest from a character analysis standpoint, neither of his dream-parents (the voice of his internal guilt and misgivings) spare more than a moment's surprise on it. Henry's mother immediately scolds Henry's father when he expresses surprise; down to the marrow of his dreams, Henry does not seem to feel badly, guilty, or conflicted about romancing Hans at all.

Henry's aversion to touching the dead in kcd1 and kcd2 (particularly when someone he deeply cares about does it) is period-place-typical. It is fascinating how he rationalizes with himself in different contexts and how he justifies or does not justify this.

Henry usually gravitates toward social pariahs out of genuine curiosity first, compassion second; I find this point (blended with the above point) especially interesting in the context of his work with Executioner Hermann from KCD1!

Henry's anger is extraordinary, especially in KCD1, and whether or not Henry comes to understand his anger has immense echoes into the "voice" of his guilt.

Henry has a curiously spotty religious knowledge; this always delights me, as he's had a dash of monk's education and grew up in a town without a church. "Crimbo" is a hilarious line, but in other ways, it is also nicely representative of the half-formed grip he has on religious philosophy.

Henry's furious outbursts of "you call yourself a Christian?" are almost exclusively tied to his outbursts in defense of the defenseless, and this is used as a call to moral shame, especially against militant men. I always think first of his genuinely furious attempt to interject when Kuno deliberately uses civilian women as bait in KCD1.

Henry at times seems incredibly confident in his personal relationship with God. I adore the quest A Sinful Soul for how it showcases this. In a direct prayer the player has limited control over, Henry addresses God as informally as one might address a neighbor he has a minor grievance with. He essentially tells God, "Look, I know what you said about this issue, but I also know that YOU know I'm right this time, so I'm gonna do it my way, cause I know you didn't exactly mean it the way you said it there. Thanks in advance - knew you'd agree with me." Henry believes in a God who makes individual exceptions based on what is moral; he also differentiates what is moral from what is godly, and seems certain that God also draws this distinction for Himself.

Fucking thrilling from a character development standpoint! Fucking thrilling in the breath before the Hussite rebellions.

[lakesbian]

anyway i think the fundamental reason why taylor shitting on her own small chest feels different + less misogynist than other cases of this all-too-common trope is that. in most scenarios where a male author has their female protagonist randomly go on about her chest size, the vibe is that we're supposed to view her commentary as like. A rational self assessment. it is portrayed as expected that women constantly fixate on and analyze their own value as sex objects based on their physical attributes--that this isn't really an indicator of an unhealthy mindset, it's just a fact of life, it's something these shallow toys for men naturally do--and when they report on their value to the readers, it's just a rational, accurate statement. the same conclusion that any person (i.e. any man, because only men are people) would come to upon seeing that woman. it's like. "of course she's telling us about her tit size, that's basically the only thing that matters about her, or at least the most important thing." that's what's being conveyed in incidents of this trope. you know?

but with taylor it's like. it's not like that. what it is with taylor is that Taylor Fucking Hates Herself. right off the bat taylor is portrayed as this full person with flaws, strengths, and many odd little neuroses as a result of deep-set trauma. and she Fucking Hates Herself. she picks at Everything about herself, and it's not through the lens of what a man might find to criticize about her, it's through the lens of what she, someone with her specific philosophies, traumas, and general personality, would find to criticize about her.

like, a man (BRIAN LABORN EVEN) might criticize her brashness, her coldness, her Reminiscent Of A Cult Leader Swag, but she's always criticizing herself for not stepping up enough, for not trying to 1v1 solo that kaiju wrecking the city, you know? shes a girl who yells DONT FUCK WITH ME RIGHT NOW!!! at rachel while participating in a gang war concussed as fuck. (because she hates herself and has no self preservation). but shes also always panicking that she might smell bad and doesnt know it, that shes too tall, that shes standing weird, that everything she says comes out wrong, that shes stupid and ugly and weird and theres Everything Wrong With Her.

so. of course at some point it lands on self-demeaning "and btw my tits are small." shes not reporting that for us under the aforementioned misogynist framework, shes fixating on it as an incredibly complicated character who also happens to genuinely fucking hate herself. and basically thats my overly longwinded opinion on why im ok with taylor fixating on tit size constantly.oh and the other reason is that it accidentally makes her sound bisexual and thats cool too

[elancholia]

Everybody lives two lives at once. You have one life which is the stream of experience and sensation, and so on, the moving moment — immediate pleasure, pain, sadness, anger, comfort and convenience.

And the second life is an aesthetic object, a narrative, which is less bound to any single moment. It is experienced or observed as a whole. Even difficulties add to it, compound its structure and identity.

You can be happy with one life and not the other.

Some pains and inconveniences are sort of "pleasurable", because they're ego-syntonic, they validate the overall narrative of your life and your sense of being a developed person. On the one hand, it's inconvenient for me to be asked to pick up a relative from the airport, but it also recognizes me as an independent person of whom things can be asked, an adult possessed of adult things such as a car, and (most likely to be verbalized) it makes me feel useful. The inconvenience is a necessary component of those things.

I may groan and complain about it, but secretly I enjoy it in a way that doesn't necessarily enter my verbal stream of consciousness and which I might never acknowledge as an element in rational decision-making.

Yes, this is sort of trivial and obvious when you say it like that, but you see a lot of people confused about it in the wild, because it's not a prominent part of their self-awareness. The second life is always somewhat submerged.

I want to emphasize that this isn't just about trivial misfortunes, either, those are just the easiest to talk about.

This explains a number of things: why people pursue goals that are at once intensely personal (i.e., not dictated by the rational pursuit of superordinate political goals) and which do not entail anything conventionally associated with pleasure or happiness, like @max1461's tortured artist.

Importantly, people generally do not take notice of the second life, they think the first one is real and the second sort of notional. Pursuit of the first one is rational and clearheaded and the second sort of wooly, idealistic. When they're aware of it, they're sort of embarrassed about it. They think "this validates my ego" is a silly reason to do things, vain and narcissistic and immature, Romantic or eccentric at best. Even pointing out that someone's reasons are of the second sort rather than the first is enough to delegitimize them.

And some of our confusion over things like "getting what you want vs. being happy" is due to an insufficiently explicit understanding of this distinction.

[orphiclovers]

I think what would greatly benefit everyone's understanding of orv's worldbuilding is a passing aquaintance with the Cthulhu wiki. and this is the one and only case where the wiki is a BETTER source of information than the original works by Lovecraft, because the Cthulhu mythos is a "collaborative writing shared universe" and who's worldbuilding is vague and contradictory between authors. think Maurauders fandom or SCP foundation, only more classy than fanfiction.

Anyway, ORV takes a lot from the Cthulhu mythos, because it takes a lot from every myth in the world. The whole Outer God thing will make a lot more sense if you know what its supposed to be, the same way its easier to understand the Olympus constellations if you know the greek gods and their myths. The Majority of characters in orv are real mythological or historical figures and the outer gods are no different, I and maybe you are just less familiar with them.

Heres a small glossary of relevant information:

1. "great old ones" are sometimes mentioned in orv as spying on Kim Dokja, and mentioned by other Outer Gods as the most powerful beings. they're from the lovecraft stories.

They are "beyond imagination" i.e beyond Oldest Dream's Star Stream/the universe comprehended by humans and exist outside of it.

2. "The Great One" is what outer gods in ORV call the Oldest Dream. He seems to be the only Great One in the orv universe, but In the myths there are multiple and are described like this.

Gods of the dreamlands->oldest dream the connection is there. Take notice of how the Great One is protected by Nyarlathotep, hes important.

3. Have you ever wondered what was up with those "Shantaks" living in N'gai forest? These are from the myths too.

They have horse head like in orv and Nyarlathotep rules over/is allied with them.

4. The Nameless Mist that attacks the 73rd demon realm and causes KDJ to sign the outer god contract with SP and get sent to 1863rd round is also an Outer God from the myths. Specifically, it is one of Nyarlathotep's siblings.

5. Best for last, there is of course Nyarlathotep himself i.e The Crawling Chaos i.e Secretive Plotter.

Kim Dokja straight up thinks that SP is Nyarlathotep and calls him that to his face. he is right. While SP "neither confirms or denys being the Crawling Chaos/Nyarlathotep" he obviously...is him. (SP lies about his identity a lot. but this time he didnt even say he WASNT, just that it doesnt matter and to call him SP please). SingShong basically plagiarised everything about him completely from lovecraft

First of all, in their first meeting SP looks like a black shadow person with glowing white eyes, which is why Kim Dokja drew the conclusion that he was Nyarlathotep, since this is how he looks too

Nyarlathotep is the avatar of other outer gods an has a clear personality and is more rational and human than the rest (KDJ says this bout SP too)- he hates his masters (like SP hates his sponsor).

Kim Dokja once says that SP is like no other outer god because he actually speaks human language and can communicate clearly and rationally. Nyarlathotep is the only outer god who can do that and is the messager of them.

The event referenced here where Nyarlathotep causes people to go insane is mentioned in ORV too, as SP talked to the Recorders of Fear and drove them to insanity. He has darkness powers and knows the future of the universe that no one else does.

He looks like a human being and has a thousand different forms (like the different regressions).

He can shapeshift and possess people (SP does both. shapeshifts into YJH and possesses him)

Also as previously mentioned he protects the Great One (OD) and rules over Shantaks in the forest. On top of looking exactly like Nyarlathotep and having the same abilities as him and the same role and traits and literally getting told "You are Nyarlathotep" by Kim Dokja I think it is pretty safe to say that he IS Nyarlathotep.

Also, the reason why KDJ thinks SP can beat The Nameless Mist and calls him is because he thinks that is SP's/Nyarlathotep's sister. which is just kind of funny to me. go get your sibling dude its eating my planet

[13thdoodle]

[ EctoberHaunt 2024 Banner ]

Hi hiii~ I get to draw the banner again for @ectoberhaunt this year~ It was a lot of fun :DD

I wasn't sure how to incorporate the gold and silver at first but I think it turn out pretty good

Also thank you to Enn for helping me with the flats I would've pewished ksjadnaksj Sketches and some ramblings under cut

Here's the initial sketch for the banner. I tried my best to keep it close to the sketch or at least have the same energy (hopefully qwq)

As you can see, I drew Sam and Tucker riding a scooter bike originally. But the banner, I try to get as close to canon design as possible. I could not for the live of me remember what episode has the scooter bike. And.. turns out I might've just misremembered the scooter as a motor bike? so I just draw the scooter lol

(This is from the Killer Garage Sale episode btw. I couldn't find the scooter's pict on the wiki so I gotta screenshot it from the episode)

Also speaking of couldn't find reference pictures in the fandom wiki,

I couldn't find pictures of the college trio full body screenshots there. Only the Vlad leaning into the portal while Maddie and Jack looked away. Very useful references, yes.

I used to think that Jack was the worst one here about lab safety (considering he was the main reason the portal exploded on Vlad's face), but Maddie is no better after watching the episode again. Girlie wear big round earrings and leg warmers in the lab. Pretty sure that's... not very safety. Vlad is not better since he does lean very close into the radiation portal so... lol

Anyway, I tried to incorporate their dynamics in the banner. Jack the very excited one and leading the ghost hunt, Maddie following along with more ghost gears, and Vlad... well, I was thinking Vlad could be the 'rational' of the trio and like brings stuffs the other two wouldn't have thought to bring out of excitement (i.e. flashlights in case they need to go through pitch black tunnel so they don't fall off etc etc)

But... you know, that's giving Vlad too many points than he deserves lol. So, I draw Vlad still bringing the bag of extra stuffs, but it's not fully closed so some stuffs fell off on their trails. They all should share braincells and Vlad does not get a turn lol

Also changed Maddie's clothes and give her the teal suit to match Jack and also looks better when she's running

There's not much I can say about the main trio process? I mostly just want Sam to be the one driving the scooter while Tucker handles the navigations or sth. They get to ride scooters to catch up with Danny~

Danny and Tucker's colors a bit ashy bc I color picked them from low res screenshots askjdnaksj I fixed em on the final tho so yea

O yeah, I don't know if it's visible on the final art, but I initially try to give the kids warm shadings and cold lighting (Silver), and the college trio cold shadows and warm lighting (Gold) to fit the themes.

Also the light source.. sorta? The adults has the light source from behind them bc they are in past/past the age in the drawings? And the kids has their light source from in front of them, going into the future and the many things ahead of them kajsdnaksd

[raayllum]

I get that in general a lot of kids shows do utilize the protagonists ('good guys') in ways where they're supposed to be role models, particularly because some do have a "lesson of the week" where the character does bad things, then clearly learns and explains what they should've done instead by the end of the episode.

That has just... never been how TDP has operated, and I don't get how and why people think we're supposed to take what anyone does in the show as being unilaterally good or evil. Particularly in arc 2; any moral simplicity that was hanging on by a thread in arc 1 has been taken out back and shot numerous times by now.

TDP very rarely calls anything Evil or Good, and when it does, it's always filtered through the characters' biases, and rarely does more then 2-3 characters ever have the same opinion on something for the same reasons. Soren and Rayla, who have inverted character arcs, are some of the only characters to ever use the term villain / good guys or bad guys, and are two of the most staunchly black-and-white thinking characters, heavily to their detriment, I might add, in terms of coping with the increasing complexity of their lives. They have cognitive biases. They're not always right, and are frequently wrong. This is true for everyone in the show.

The show refuses to condemn murder, indirectly and directly condemns the expulsion of humans from Xadia routinely (Evrkynd being a city for everyone, Ezran arguing with Karim, who is the most wrong about the most things), and shows a variety of viewpoints on all things.

The show understands that the choices people make—whether the same character trait is a flaw or a strength—as well as 'moral' choices are all circumstantial.

Are you wrong to burn people alive? Mostly yes (2x07, 6x08) but also no (3x09). Are you wrong to kill people? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes whether it's 'wrong' or 'right' doesn't even factor in. Are you wrong to use dark magic, or use the dangerous Staff of Ziard, or coin someone and condemn them to a 'fate worse than death'? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Is lying or hiding the truth to protect someone wrong? Sometimes yes (1x06, 2x03, 3x03, 5x01, 7x04, 7x06) sometimes no (1x02, 2x03, 6x06, 5x08, 7x08).

Are you doing the right thing?

Do you have no choice? Is that true, or is that just what you think, or how you rationalize it yourself?

When is it right or cowardly to leave (Viren, Lissa, Rayla, Callum, Ezran, the Cosmic Council, the offer made to Karim's troops)? When should you stay? When do you decide to share resources (2x05) to your potential detriment or withhold them in the name of protecting yourself and your own people (Xadia and magic)? At what point(s) do you prioritize your own pain and grief, or someone else's (i.e. the Keeper vs Callum vs Ezran)? At what point is someone too dangerous or 'too far gone' to keep alive (Runaan about Harrow, Ezran about Aaravos)? At what point do you decide someone cannot change? When do you refuse to change (Karim, Terry) who you are no matter what happens, and when do you decide that you must (Ezran, Soren)? When is it wrong to use illusions to trick someone (3x09 and 7x06) and when is it more reasonable (2x03)? When should you be willing to sacrifice others (Rayla with her family, Runaan and Rayla with Callum, Soren with Viren) and when should you refuse? When should you sacrifice yourself, and when it is wrong to? Did you betray them, or did they betray you, or both (usually both)? When should you betray or stay loyal to your family? What is the right thing to do?

The show, tbh, doesn't know, at least 90% of the time. It's not interested in knowing. It's interested in exploring. That's the whole point. At most, it says you should work towards harm reduction, but what constitutes harm, and what peace looks like, is also something that greatly differs for all the characters.

Rayla is willing to sacrifice the love of her life, Ezran is willing to create weapons of mass destruction and wield one, and Callum used a torture spell on someone when he absolutely did not have to. The idea that any of the protagonists are meant to be paragons of unblemished virtue who are always 100% right, or that any of the antagonists do not canonically have a good point of contention with anything that's happened and are always 100% wrong, is reductive to everything the show is and explores, because it is Quite Literally not what the show does, ever tbh.

They literally spelled it out this past season as a core theme; I don't think they needed to have a character directly point it out every time a main character did something that was Kinda Fucked Up or Complicated But Understandable to know that the show knows it was Canonically Fucked Up or Complicated But Understandable.

There is not a single character or action in TDP that is always right, and there is not a singular character or action in TDP that is always wrong. Hell, even narrowing it down to "this is 'right' or 'wrong'" feels counterintuitive because it's so subjective within the narrative.

Every choice the characters make is often well reasoned, aligns with their values and world views, and fits into how they work through problems. Every choice has benefits and consequences, for them or for others. That doesn't mean it's Right for everyone involved. That doesn't mean it's Wrong for everyone involved. That's what makes the show interesting. Everything has nuance. Everything has Complexity. I'm not interested in a simplified version of TDP. I'm interested in the show as is.

I hope you are, too.

[northopalshore]

Pick A Card: ☆

Your next relationship

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Choose an image & group respectively.

Pile one:

Decks used: Dreaming way tarot, sacred earth oracle, oracle of mystical moments & astrological oracle

‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚

So immediately jumping in, your next relationship will be with someone who is very goal driven. They are very passionate, intelligent & skillful. This person may have come from a lower financial status growing up. Only being able to get by on a daily basis. This person has probably been surrounded by amazing and talented people who are very dedicated to their craft, and hence grown to develop a similar habit.

Their main goal in life is to get rich lol. They want to be at a point where they can look back and not recognise themselves in the position they once were in financially. This is somebody who works wholeheartedly on their craft. They may be involved in independent business or they are working on their own brand.

They may have a very young heart as well, always looking at things from a hopeful perspective. However, they are also very logical! They are able to plan their ventures and predict things that may or may not happen with every step that they take towards their goal! That desire to change their lives will always remain as a priority & main motivation for them to continue on their path.

This person will likely have an extroverted approach to life. Wanting to explore and see everything the world has to offer.

Their career may be very competitive, and their ideas or brand may come under scrutiny very often. If they work ina directive company for example, people was have dissatisfactions with how they present themselves or thing they may be to rash when coming up with new suggestions. However, they are resilient lol! I feel like they have a lot of potential for greatness, but by the time you meet them they are somewhere in the middle of their journey.

Your relationship will be intertwined with your career. This person will be the one to get your engines running, and to reignite that passion you might have held out in the rain before. They will act as a guide to you and help you realise things you may have overlooked before.

They will prove themselves to be a very stable companion. They will teach you to be fearless & confident when it comes to your passions and beliefs.

I feel like you'll bond over common interests and backgrounds . They may be from a different race than you as well! If you work with your hands i.e build, writing, drawing, animating and so on, this person will be on your side during sudden late night inspirational drives lol. This means they will be awake with you, talking and supporting what you do even when you're both supposed to be asleep.

You will be able to draw out the both the passionate and gentle side of eachother. Respecting boundaries and personal wishes going forward.

I feel like you'll meet them through chance, or coincidentally you work in the same department for example but you will be able to click immediately.

They could have Libra, Cancer, Gemini & Pisces placements in their charts.

MBTI wise, I feel like they could be an ENFJ, ENFP, ESTJ, ESTP, ENTP, & INTJ.

Pile two:

Decks used: Modern witch tarot, bluebird lenormard & astrological oracle

‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚

Oooh pile two, this person is honestly incredible.

So first of all, they are someone very optimistic & rational. They perhaps have been born into wealth or have been blessed with a higher position in life than most. They are very mature and very calm & collected. When they speak, people may find it impossible to dispute them or overtake them. This person perhaps is great at debates or could work as a lawyer (or come from a family of lawyers). They are the type to value intelligence & fair judgement over any irrationality. They could be an only child or grew up being cared for fully by their parents. They may have shown great leadership qualities even from a young age. They are very humble & down to earth despite being at a position of power. They could own a business or inherit a business from their family. You will think that they are a dream come true or even too good to be real. Perhaps they were very studious in their younger years, performing much better than other students or seen as more mature relative to people their age. I feel like this might as well be the person you end up marrying because four of wands has shown up lol. Their parents could be divorced or living in different countries/states. They may have developed objective opinions on marriage as well. For example, if they are a woman they do not think that a man can provide her with anything she doesn't already have. They could want to marry for love rather than business or for practicality. They want to form genuine relationships with people they know are worthwhile (in their perspective). Perhaps people have used them as a means to lift themselves up and this has hurt your person. Your relationships could be very flirtatious. You both may be quite weary of eachother at first but you will soon find comfort in eachother's presence. Perhaps you will discover a soft side neither of you could have expected you'd get to. It reminds me of Anastasia and Dimitri's relationship lol. Rocky at the start but they soon develop deep feelings for eachother. They could have Sagittarius, Leo, Pisces, Aquarius & Virgo prominent in their charts. MBTI wise, they could be an ENTJ, INTJ, ENFJ, ENFP, INFJ, ISTJ, ISTP & INTP.

Pile three:

Decks used: VOX ( voice of tarot) arcana, The literary witches oracle & astrological oracle

‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧

Welcome pile 3! So your next relationship will be with someone who I can only describe as stubborn & possessive but very unique and full of ambition. I feel like this person has had a fair share for admirers or past relationships that may not have ended very well, and has since then been quite abstinent of love or the dating scene.

They have since learned to control their energy, and find satisfaction in being alone with themselves i.e putting themselves before relationships.

They may be quite materialistic or pay a lot of attention to their finances. They are very tactical and resourceful. There may have been disagreements or issues regarding their finances. Perhaps they have had legal issues with the company they work with or there may be issues with inheritance.

This person is extremely charming and charismatic. They may have the ability to sweep you off your feet & without even realising it you'll fall for their many charms lol. They could be quite hot hearted ( & hot headed) as well, and very direct with their feelings. Your relationship will be hot and passionate, you will feel like you have manifested eachother into your lives.

They may break the expectation you might have regarding the type of people you would usually go after romantically i.e their personality will be more in your face instead of quiet and reserved.

You may be thrill seekers when you are together, and you may find that the energy can be very heavy or s*xual. You will have a lot of fun in that department lol.

They can act sort of tsundere too as in they may act mischievously or playfully, they could also like to see you getting riled up 👀 lmao. They could have Taurus, Capricorn, Scorpio, Pisces, Leo & Aries prominent in their chart. MBTI wise, they could be ENTP, ENTJ, ESTP, ENFP, ESTJ, ISTP, ISFP & ISTJ

˚₊‧꒰ა paid readings available ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

──────────୨ৎ───────────

***entertainment purposes only: reader discretion is advised***

None of the images are mine, all rights reserved to their original creators on Pinterest

Thanks for reading!

@northopalshore

@northopalshore 2024 pick a card.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

460 Adjectives

as reference for your next poem/story

BEHAVIOURAL ADJECTIVES

Affectionate - feeling or showing affection or warm regard; loving

Adoring - feeling or showing great affection and devotion

Affable - being pleasant and at ease in talking to others

Amorous - strongly moved by love; enamored

Caring - feeling or showing concern for or kindness to others

Devoted - characterized by loyalty and devotion

Loving - affectionate

Sweet - pleasing to the mind or feelings; agreeable, gratifying

Sympathetic - given to, marked by, or arising from sympathy, compassion, friendliness, and sensitivity to others' emotions

Tenderhearted - easily moved to love, pity, or sorrow; compassionate, impressionable

Agreeable - ready or willing to agree or consent; being in harmony

Courteous - marked by respect for and consideration of others

Decorous - marked by propriety and good taste; correct

Gallant - nobly chivalrous and often self-sacrificing

Gracious - marked by kindness and courtesy

Pleasant - having qualities that tend to give pleasure; agreeable

Polite - marked by an appearance of consideration, tact, deference, or courtesy

Respectful - marked by or showing respect or deference

Well-behaved - behaving in a polite or correct way

Well-mannered - having good manners; polite

Amiable - friendly, sociable, and congenial; generally agreeable

Affable - being pleasant and at ease in talking to others

Congenial - sociable, genial

Convivial - relating to, occupied with, or fond of feasting, drinking, and good company

Cordial - showing or marked by warm and often hearty friendliness, favor, or approval

Friendly - serving a beneficial or helpful purpose

Genial - marked by or freely expressing sympathy or friendliness

Hospitable - promising or suggesting generous and friendly welcome

Warm - marked by or readily showing affection, gratitude, cordiality, or sympathy

Welcoming - to greet hospitably and with courtesy or cordiality

Cheerful - full of good spirits; merry

Buoyant - cheerful, gay

Cheery - marked by cheerfulness or good spirits

Forward-looking - concerned with or planning for the future

Hopeful - full of hope; inclined to hope

Lighthearted - cheerfully optimistic and hopeful; easygoing

Optimistic - of, relating to, or characterized by optimism; feeling or showing hope for the future

Positive - marked by optimism

Sanguine - marked by eager hopefulness; confidently optimistic

Upbeat - cheerful, optimistic

Clever - mentally quick and resourceful

Astute - mentally sharp or clever

Bright - intelligent, clever

Brilliant - distinguished by unusual mental keenness or alertness

Intelligent - guided or directed by intellect; rational

Knowledgeable - having or showing knowledge or intelligence

Quick-witted - quick in perception and understanding

Sharp - keen in intellect; quick-witted

Smart - intelligent, bright; witty, clever

Wise - marked by deep understanding, keen discernment, and a capacity for sound judgment

Eloquent - marked by forceful and fluent expression

Articulate - expressing oneself readily, clearly, and effectively

Graceful - displaying grace in form or action

Influential - exerting or possessing influence (i.e., the act or power of producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command)

Persuasive - tending to persuade (i.e., to plead with; urge)

Poised - marked by easy composure of manner or bearing

Refined - fastidious, cultivated

Silver-tongued - marked by convincing and eloquent expression

Smooth-tongued - ingratiating in speech; persuasive

Well-spoken - speaking well, fitly, or courteously

Good-natured - of a pleasant and cooperative disposition

Benevolent - marked by or disposed to doing good

Big-hearted - generous, charitable

Compassionate - having or showing compassion; sympathetic

Considerate - thoughtful of the rights and feelings of others

Good-hearted - having a kindly generous disposition

Helpful - of service or assistance; useful

Kind - of a sympathetic or helpful nature

Nice - polite, kind

Thoughtful - given to or chosen or made with heedful anticipation of the needs and wants of others

Patient - not hasty or impetuous; steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity

Accommodating - willing to please; helpful, obliging

Forbearing - to hold oneself back from especially with an effort

Forgiving - willing or able to forgive (i.e., pardon)

Long-suffering - patiently enduring lasting offense or hardship

Stoical - firmly restraining response to pain or distress

Tolerant - permitting or accepting something (such as a behavior or belief) that one does not like

Uncomplaining - not complaining; patient

Understanding - endowed with understanding; tolerant, sympathetic

Unexcitable - not responsive to stimuli

Reflective - marked by reflection; thoughtful, deliberative

Contemplative - marked by or given to contemplation (i.e., an act of considering with attention)

Insightful - exhibiting or characterized by insight (i.e., the act or result of apprehending the inner nature of things or of seeing intuitively)

Introspective - characterized by examination of one's own thoughts and feelings; thoughtfully reflective

Inward-looking - more interested in themselves than in other people or societies

Meditative - marked by or conducive to meditation (i.e., a discourse intended to express its author's reflections or to guide others in contemplation)

Pensive - musingly or dreamily thoughtful

Self-analyzing - relating to or using self-analysis (i.e., a systematic attempt by an individual to understand his or her own personality without the aid of another person)

Self-examining - a reflective examination (as of one's beliefs or motives); introspective

Self-observing - introspective

Sensible - having, containing, or indicative of good sense or reason

Analytical - skilled in or using analysis especially in thinking or reasoning

Cerebral - primarily intellectual in nature

Judicious - having, exercising, or characterized by sound judgment

Logical - capable of reasoning or of using reason in an orderly cogent fashion

Practical - actively engaged in some course of action or occupation

Pragmatic - relating to matters of fact or practical affairs often to the exclusion of intellectual or artistic matters; practical

Rational - relating to, based on, or agreeable to reason

Realistic - able to see things as they really are and to deal with them in a practical way

Reasonable - being in accordance with reason

Valiant - possessing or acting with bravery or boldness

Adventurous - disposed to seek adventure or to cope with the new and unknown

Bold - fearless before danger

Courageous - having or characterized by courage; brave

Dauntless - incapable of being intimidated or subdued

Fearless - free from fear

Gallant - spirited, brave

Heroic - exhibiting or marked by courage and daring

Plucky - spirited, brave

Valorous - valiant

Apprehensive - viewing the future with anxiety or alarm

Doubtful - marked by qualities that raise doubts about worth, honesty, or validity

Hesitant - slow to act or proceed (as from fear, indecision, or unwillingness)

Insecure - beset by fear and anxiety

Mistrustful - to be suspicious

Self-conscious - uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others; ill at ease

Self-doubting - timid, diffident, insecure

Self-effacing - having or showing a tendency to make oneself modestly or shyly inconspicuous

Uncertain - not having certain knowledge; doubtful

Unconfident - lacking in confidence; unsure

Disillusioned - having lost faith or trust in something formerly regarded as good or valuable

Bleak - not hopeful or encouraging; depressing

Cynical - contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives

Defeatist - an attitude of accepting, expecting, or being resigned to defeat

Downbeat - pessimistic, gloomy

Fatalistic - hacing a belief or attitude determined by a doctrine that events are fixed in advance so that human beings are powerless to change them

Hardened - callous

Negative - marked by features of hostility, withdrawal, or pessimism

Pessimistic - of, relating to, or characterized by pessimism; gloomy

Skeptical - relating to, characteristic of, or marked by skepticism (i.e., an attitude of doubt or a disposition to incredulity either in general or toward a particular object)

Dull - tedious, uninteresting

Bland - dull, insipid

Boring - causing weariness and restlessness through lack of interest

Charmless - unattractive or unpleasant

Stodgy - boring, dull

Tiresome - wearisome, tedious

Uncharismatic - lacking charisma (i.e., a special magnetic charm or appeal)

Unexciting - not exciting; dull, commonplace

Uninspiring - not having an animating or exalting effect

Uninteresting - not attracting interest or attention

Fierce - violently hostile or aggressive in temperament

Aggressive - marked by obtrusive energy and self-assertiveness

Antagonistic - showing dislike or opposition

Argumentative - having or showing a tendency to disagree or argue with other people in an angry way; disputatious

Bellicose - favoring or inclined to start quarrels or wars

Belligerent - inclined to or exhibiting assertiveness, hostility, or combativeness

Confrontational - clashing of forces or ideas; conflict

Defiant - full of or showing a disposition to challenge, resist, or fight; bold, impudent

Hostile - marked by malevolence; having or showing unfriendly feelings

Violent - emotionally agitated to the point of using harmful physical force

Impassive - giving no sign of feeling or emotion

Aloof - removed or distant either physically or emotionally

Apathetic - having or showing little or no interest, concern, or emotion

Cold - marked by a lack of the warmth of normal human emotion, friendliness, or compassion

Detached - exhibiting an aloof objectivity usually free from prejudice or self-interest

Dispassionate - not affected by personal or emotional involvement

Expressionless - lacking expression

Indifferent - marked by a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern for something

Stoic - not affected by or showing passion or feeling

Unemotional - not easily aroused or excited; cold

Lethargic - of, relating to, or characterized by laziness or lack of energy

Idle - not occupied or employed

Inactive - not active; sedentary

Indolent - averse to activity, effort, or movement; habitually lazy

Inert - very slow to move or act

Languid - sluggish in character or disposition; listless

Lazy - disinclined to activity or exertion; not energetic or vigorous

Slothful - inclined to sloth; indolent

Slow-moving - slow-footed, slowgoing

Sluggish - averse to activity or exertion; indolent; torpid

Mysterious - exciting wonder, curiosity, or surprise while baffling efforts to comprehend or identify; mystifying

Closemouthed - cautious in speaking; uncommunicative; also: secretive

Discreet - having or showing discernment or good judgment in conduct and especially in speech; prudent

Enigmatic - of, relating to, or resembling an enigma; mysterious

Evasive - tending or intended to evade; equivocal

Inscrutable - not readily investigated, interpreted, or understood; mysterious

Secretive - disposed to secrecy; not open or outgoing in speech, activity, or purposes

Taciturn - temperamentally disinclined to talk

Tight-lipped - reluctant to speak; taciturn

Uncommunicative - not disposed to talk or impart information; reserved

Odious - arousing or deserving hatred or repugnance; hateful

Abhorrent - causing or deserving strong dislike or hatred; being so repugnant as to stir up positive antagonism

Despicable - deserving to be despised; so worthless or obnoxious as to rouse moral indignation

Detestable - arousing or meriting intense dislike; abominable

Hateful - full of hate; malicious; deserving of or arousing hate

Horrible - extremely bad or unpleasant

Loathsome - giving rise to loathing; disgusting

Unkind - not pleasing or mild; inclement; harsh, cruel

Vicious - dangerously aggressive; savage

Vile - morally despicable or abhorrent

Presumptuous - overstepping due bounds (as of propriety or courtesy); taking liberties

Audacious - intrepidly daring; adventurous; recklessly bold

Bad-mannered - discourteous, disrespectful, ill-bred, impolite

Churlish - of, resembling, or characteristic of a churl; vulgar

Discourteous - lacking courtesy; rude

Disrespectful - to show or express disrespect or contempt for; insult, dis

Ill-mannered - having bad manners; rude

Impolite - not polite; rude

Impudent - marked by contemptuous or cocky boldness or disregard of others; insolent

Rude - offensive in manner or action; discourteous

Prickly - vexatious; easily irritated

Bad-tempered - easily annoyed or angered; surly, ill-tempered

Cantankerous - difficult or irritating to deal with

Crabby - easily irritated; peevish and irritable; grouchy

Curmudgeonly - (especially of an old person) bad-tempered and negative

Grouchy - given to grumbling; peevish

Ill-natured - having a bad disposition; cross, surly

Irritable - easily exasperated or excited

Sensitive - highly responsive or susceptible

Surly - irritably sullen and churlish in mood or manner; crabbed

Proud - having or displaying excessive self-esteem

Cocky - boldly or brashly self-confident

Conceited - having or showing an excessively high opinion of oneself

Haughty - blatantly and disdainfully proud; having or showing an attitude of superiority and contempt for people or things perceived to be inferior

Overbearing - harshly and haughtily arrogant

Overconfident - excessively or unjustifiably confident; having too much confidence (as in one's abilities or judgment)

Pompous - having or exhibiting self-importance; arrogant

Smug - highly self-satisfied

Snobbish - being, characteristic of, or befitting a snob (i.e., one who has an offensive air of superiority in matters of knowledge or taste)

Supercilious - coolly and patronizingly haughty

Silly - exhibiting or indicative of a lack of common sense or sound judgment

Brainless - devoid of intelligence

Dense - slow to understand

Foolish - having or showing a lack of good sense, judgment, or discretion

Idiotic - showing complete lack of thought or common sense

Ignorant - destitute of knowledge or education; unaware, uninformed

Mindless - marked by or displaying no use of the powers of the intellect

Slow-witted - mentally slow

Vapid - acking flavor, zest, interest, animation, or spirit; flat, dull

Witless - lacking wit or understanding; foolish

Talkative - given to talking

Babbling - idle, foolish, or nonsensical talk or chatter

Blathering - engaging in or characterized by foolish or nonsensical talk or writing

Chatty - fond of chatting; talkative

Conversational - given to conversation

Garrulous - given to prosy, rambling, or tedious loquacity; pointlessly or annoyingly talkative

Gossipy - characterized by, full of, or given to gossip (i.e., rumor or report of an intimate nature)

Loquacious - given to fluent or excessive talk; garrulous

Rambling - straying from subject to subject

Verbose - given to wordiness

Timid - lacking in courage or self-confidence

Bashful - socially shy or timid

Diffident - reserved, unassertive

Introverted - possessing a reserved or quiet nature typically with an inclination to solitude

Meek - deficient in spirit and courage; submissive

Reserved - restrained in words and actions

Reticent - inclined to be silent or uncommunicative in speech

Sheepish - meek, timid

Shy - easily frightened; timid

Withdrawn - socially detached and unresponsive

Tightfisted - reluctant to part with money

Avaricious - greedy of gain; excessively acquisitive especially in seeking to hoard riches

Close-fisted - unwilling to spend money; stingy

Miserly - marked by grasping meanness and penuriousness

Parsimonious - frugal to the point of stinginess; sparing

Penny-pinching - frugal

Penurious - given to or marked by extreme stinting frugality

Scroogelike - not generous with money; miserly

Stingy - not generous or liberal; sparing or scant in using, giving, or spending

Ungenerous - not generous; petty, mean; stingy

EMOTIONAL ADJECTIVES

Angry - feeling or showing anger (i.e., a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism)

Enraged - very angry; furious

Furious - exhibiting or goaded by anger

Incensed - very angry; enraged

Infuriated - furiously angry

Irate - roused to ire; arising from anger

Raging - causing great pain or distress

Seething - constantly moving or active; agitated

Upset - emotionally disturbed or agitated

Wrathful - filled with wrath; irate

Calm - free from agitation, excitement, or disturbance; still

Peaceful - untroubled by conflict, agitation, or commotion

Relaxed - easy of manner

Sedate - keeping a quiet steady attitude or pace; unruffled

Serene - marked by or suggestive of utter calm and unruffled repose or quietude

Tranquil - free from agitation of mind or spirit

Unbothered - not feeling or showing agitation, worry, or annoyance

Unflappable - marked by assurance and self-control

Unperturbed - not worried, upset, or disquieted

Untroubled - not given trouble; not made uneasy; calm

Cheerful - conducive to cheer; likely to dispel gloom or worry

Beaming - radiant; bright; smiling brightly; cheerful

Content - contented, satisfied

Gleeful - full of glee; merry

Happy - glad, pleased

Jocular - characterized by jesting; playful

Jovial - characterized by good-humored cheerfulness and conviviality; jolly

Joyful - experiencing, causing, or showing joy; happy

Merry - full of gaiety or high spirits; mirthful

Radiant - marked by or expressive of love, confidence, or happiness

Content - contented, satisfied

Appreciative - having or showing appreciation (i.e., a feeling or expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude)

Fulfilled - feeling happiness and satisfaction

Grateful - appreciative of benefits received

Gruntled - in good humor; happy, contented

Pleased - feeling or showing pleasure and satisfaction, especially at an event or a situation

Satisfied - pleased or content with what has been experienced or received

Thankful - well pleased; glad

Untroubled - not given trouble; not made uneasy

Unworried - not afflicted with mental distress or agitation

Disgruntled - unhappy and annoyed

Agitated - troubled in mind; disturbed and upset

Annoyed - feeling or showing angry irritation

Cross - marked by typically transitory bad temper

Distressed - of, relating to, or experiencing economic decline or difficulty

Exasperated - having or showing strong feelings of irritation or annoyance

Irritable - easily exasperated or excited

Resentful - full of resentment (i.e., a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury)

Stressed - subjected to or affected by stress (i.e., bodily or mental tension)

Vexed - feeling or showing irritation, annoyance, or distress

Jealous - hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage

Begrudging - said, done, or given reluctantly; grudging

Bitter - exhibiting intense animosity

Covetous - marked by inordinate desire for wealth or possessions or for another's possessions

Desirous - impelled or governed by desire (i.e., conscious impulse toward something that promises enjoyment or satisfaction in its attainment)

Envious - feeling or showing envy

Grudging - unwilling, reluctant

Malicious - having or showing a desire to cause harm to someone; given to, marked by, or arising from malice (i.e., desire to cause pain, injury, or distress to another)

Resentful - caused or marked by resentment (i.e., a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury)

Spiteful - filled with or showing spite; malicious

Lively - briskly alert and energetic; vigorous, animated

Animated - full of vigor and spirit; lively

Elated - marked by high spirits; exultant

Electrified - to excite intensely or suddenly

Energetic - operating with or marked by vigor or effect

Enthusiastic - filled with or marked by enthusiasm (i.e., strong excitement of feeling)

Excited - having, showing, or characterized by a heightened state of energy, enthusiasm, eagerness, etc.

Exhilarated - very happy and excited or elated

Spirited - full of energy, animation, or courage

Thrilled - extremely pleased and excited

Unhappy - not cheerful or glad; sad, wretched

Crestfallen - feeling shame or humiliation; dejected

Dejected - low in spirits; depressed

Gloomy - low in spirits; melancholy

Glum - broodingly morose

Grief-stricken - very sad; deeply affected by grief

Melancholic - of, relating to, or subject to melancholy; depressed

Miserable - being in a pitiable state of distress or unhappiness

Sad - affected with or expressive of grief or unhappiness; downcast

Sorrowful - expressive of or inducing sorrow (i.e., resultant unhappy or unpleasant state)

PHYSICAL ADJECTIVES

Aged - grown old

Ancient - having had an existence of many years; venerable

Centenarian - one that is 100 years old or older

Elderly - of, relating to, or characteristic of later life or elderly persons

Gray-haired - having gray hair; of or relating to old age or old people

Mature - of, relating to, or being an older adult; elderly

Nonagenarian - a person whose age is in the nineties

Old - advanced in years or age

Senior - a person older than another; of, relating to, or intended for seniors

Wrinkled - to become marked with or contracted into wrinkles

Attractive - arousing interest or pleasure; charming

Beautiful - having qualities of beauty; exciting aesthetic pleasure

Dashing - marked by vigorous action; spirited

Fetching - attractive, appealing

Good-looking - having a pleasing or attractive appearance

Gorgeous - splendidly or showily brilliant or magnificent

Handsome - having a pleasing and usually impressive or dignified appearance

Pretty - having conventionally accepted elements of beauty

Striking - attracting attention or notice through unusual or conspicuous qualities

Stunning - strikingly impressive especially in beauty or excellence

Average - not out of the ordinary; common

Forgettable - fit or likely to be forgotten

Homely - plain or unattractive in appearance

Mediocre - of moderate or low quality, value, ability, or performance

Ordinary-looking - not different or special or unexpected in any way; usual

Plain - lacking ornament; undecorated

Plain-featured - ordinary

Plain-looking - not beautiful, distinctive, or remarkable in appearance; normal

Unexceptional - not out of the ordinary; commonplace

Unremarkable - unworthy or unlikely to be noticed; not remarkable; common, ordinary

Feeble - markedly lacking in strength

Decrepit - wasted and weakened by or as if by the infirmities of old age

Delicate - not robust in health or constitution; weak, sickly

Doddering - showing or involving a loss of physical or cognitive abilities in old age

Frail - easily broken or destroyed; fragile; physically weak

Infirm - of poor or deteriorated vitality, especially: feeble from age

Sickly - somewhat unwell, also : habitually ailing

Unwell - being in poor health; ailing, sick

Wan - suggestive of poor health; sickly, pallid

Weak - lacking strength

Muscular - of or relating to physical strength; full-bodied

Athletic - vigorous, active

Brawny - muscular, also: strong, powerful

Burly - strongly and heavily built

Fit - sound physically and mentally

Herculean - of extraordinary power, extent, intensity, or difficulty

Powerful - having great power, prestige, or influence

Robust - having or exhibiting strength or vigorous health

Strong - having or marked by great physical power

Sturdy - firmly built or constituted 

Short - having little length; not tall or high

Diminutive - exceptionally or notably small

Little - not big

Petite - having a small trim figure

Pint-sized - small

Short-legged - having short legs, particularly in proportion to one's body

Small - having comparatively little size or slight dimensions

Stubby - being short and thick

Teeny - tiny

Tiny - very small or diminutive; minute

Sophisticated - deprived of native or original simplicity

Chic - cleverly stylish; smart

Dapper - neat and trim in appearance

Dignified - showing or expressing dignity (i.e., formal reserve or seriousness of manner, appearance, or language)

Elegant - of a high grade or quality; splendid

Majestic - having or exhibiting majesty; stately

Noble - possessing outstanding qualities; illustrious

Regal - of notable excellence or magnificence; splendid

Stately - marked by lofty or imposing dignity; haughty

Stylish - conforming to current fashion

Stout - bulky in body

Big - large or great in dimensions, bulk, or extent

Chubby - somewhat fat; having a full, rounded form

Heavy - having great weight

Large - exceeding most other things of like kind especially in quantity or size

Overweight - exceeding expected, normal, or proper weight

Plump - having a full rounded usually pleasing form

Plus-size - extra large

Portly - heavy or rotund of body; stout

Potbellied - having a potbelly (i.e., an enlarged, swollen, or protruding abdomen)

Tall - high in stature

Colossal - of, relating to, or resembling a colossus (i.e., a person or thing of immense size or power)

Gangling - tall, thin, and awkwardly built; lanky, gangly

Giant - having extremely large size, proportion, or power

Gigantic - exceeding the usual or expected (as in size, force, or prominence)

Long-legged - having long legs

Massive - forming or consisting of a large mass; bulky; weighty

Monstrous - having extraordinary often overwhelming size

Statuesque - having a tall and shapely form

Towering - impressively high or great; imposing

Thin - not well fleshed; lean

Angular - lean and having prominent bone structure

Bony - having prominent bones

Lean - lacking or deficient in flesh

Scrawny - exceptionally thin and slight or meager in body or size

Skinny - lacking usual or desirable bulk, quantity, qualities, or significance

Slender - spare in frame or flesh, especially: gracefully slight

Slim - of small diameter or thickness in proportion to the height or length; slender

Underweight - weighing less than the normal or requisite amount

Willowy - pliant; gracefully tall and slender

Unattractive - not attractive; plain, dull

Ugly - offensive to the sight; hideous

Displeasing - to incur the disapproval or dislike of especially by annoying; to give displeasure

Hideous - offensive to the senses and especially to sight; exceedingly ugly

Ghastly - terrifyingly horrible to the senses; frightening

Repulsive - tending to repel or reject; cold, forbidding; arousing aversion or disgust

Unpleasant - not pleasant; not amiable or agreeable; displeasing

Grotesque - fanciful, bizarre; absurdly incongruous; departing markedly from the natural, the expected, or the typical

Revolting - extremely offensive

Unsightly - not pleasing to the sight; not comely

Young - being in the first or an early stage of life, growth, or development

Adolescent - of, relating to, or being in adolescence; emotionally or intellectually immature

Boyish - of, like, or characteristic of a male child or young man

Childlike - resembling, suggesting, or appropriate to a child or childhood, especially: marked by innocence, trust, and ingenuousness

Girlish - of, relating to, or having the characteristics of a girl or girlhood

Juvenile - reflecting psychological or intellectual immaturity; childish

Immature - exhibiting less than an expected degree of maturity

Teenaged - of, being, relating to, or intended for teenagers (i,e., someone who is between 13 and 19 years old)

Underage - of less than mature or legal age

Youthful - having the vitality or freshness of youth; vigorous

Sources: 1 2 3 4 5 ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs +600 Traits ⚜ 170 Quirks ⚜ 200+ Character Quirks ⚜ Types of Adjectives

[imperialtopaz]

pick a pile - who has a crush on you right now? (quick reading + blunt)

pile 1 - 🌕 pile 2 - 🌙 pile 3 - 🌑 pile 4 - 🌓 pile 5 - 🌒 pile 6 - 🌔

pile 1 🌕 (page of cups reversed) ∙ someone younger than you ∙ emotionally immature, i'm hearing "bratty" ∙ it could be your brother's friend or sister's friend ∙ water sign, heavy on cancer and pisces ∙ uses humor as coping mechanism (i.e trauma dumps as a joke) pile 2 🌙 (8 of cups) ∙ a friend of yours ∙ either living abroad, moved out of town or you're no longer in contact with them. there's an element of distance in this connection ∙ recently got out of a toxic relationship or recovering from an addiction (alcohol addiction for some of you) ∙ extroverted or constantly put in the spotlight, liked by many ∙ someone who genuinely cares about others ∙ might be into volunteering & social activism, fights for a cause. stubborn about their beliefs ∙ aquarius in their chart pile 3 🌑 (high priestess) ∙ a secret admirer, someone you haven't talked to or someone you don't know very well ∙ their personality irl is very different from what they potray in social media ∙ if you know them irl, they will pretend they're not interested ∙ very chill, shy and withdrawn. doesn't like to stand out or being perceived by others ∙ always on hiatus or busy with something, you won't see them posts on social medias that often. this or they have a tendency to ghost other people when they're busy pile 4 🌓 (blank card) ∙ no one has a crush on you at the moment but i do have other messages so be patient ∙ you've already done some amazing work in healing yourself from past disappointments or grief ∙ angelic presence around you ∙ right now, archangel chamuel is working with you (he can help you with manifesting love, heal from past relationships so you can see yourself capable and deserving of loving connections) ∙ attracting the love you deserve pile 5 🌒 (justice) ∙ coworker vibes because i'm not getting any warmth coming from this reading ∙ personality wise, they're cold, rational and emotionally detached. doesn't let their feelings get to them ∙ might keep tabs on what you do (whatever that means) ∙ they like you because you challenge them, your wit and you push them to do better ∙ you stimulate them mentally, a lot of back and forth banter ∙ heavy air sign, most likely to have libra in their chart pile 6 🌔 (blank card) ∙ no one has a crush on you at the moment ∙ i don't think you actually want to date or relationships (you like your freedom and don't like to be tied down) ∙ the universe is protecting other people from you..? ∙ but other than love, you're lucky in every other areas of your life ∙ things come easy for you because you have a "lucky" mindset ∙ you thrive better being alone than being in partnerships